#i'm like a fucked up siren for this podcast

[zombified-queer]

Getting people into Hotelpod is so funny because I'm showing them into this fantastic lobby with marble floors and quaint little armchairs and going "Oh you're going to love the Madam! She's just to DIE for!" and before we even get three steps into the lobby, everyone stops to watch this pathetic wet cat that is the Lobby Boy proceed to violently cough up a hairball. It's so gross. We're all super polite about it and stand there waiting for him to finish before going "Oh you POOR little thing!!!" and petting him.

[weebsinstash]

Really like the idea of a yandere Vox who is so ride or die for his overconsumerist capitalist Musk-esque lifestyle UNTIL he sees it negatively affecting his darling and does a complete 180

like take that poly red string soulmate Vox x Reader x Alastor concept and, you've got Alastor KINDA warming up to technology and willing to watch TV and do other things with you but he's still not a fan of you being on your phone constantly and some of the video games and movies you consume. He's on the couch reading a paper and (affectionately) rolling his eyes as you and Vox take turns headshotting each other in a video game and hollering "hell yeah, suck my fucking dick!!"

Meanwhile Vox is just 200% chronically online and loving it until one day he asks you why you wear baggy clothes all the time and you're ever so casually replying "because my body is fucking icky, duh" and Vox has absolutely no idea what you're talking about until you break down on a tangent about it

I was watching a clip the other day where someone was pointing out that Marilyn Monroe was considered the 50s icon of beauty and there are plenty of photos with her with thick thighs or a visible belly pooch and, imagine Vox sitting there, the disbelieving 'are you joking?' smile falling off of his face as you just, go OFF, "why would I wear anything other than sweatpants? I have fucking CELLULITE VOX, I'll NEVER have leggings legs no matter how thin I am, and look at my hip dips, they're so fucking GROSS, and my butt isn't shaped right, I have banana rolls, and, do I have siren eyes or doe eyes?! Am I bunny cute or am I frog cute?! And look at how bad my facial balancing is! Ugh, where's my gua sha?! I'm so tired of being UGLY!!"

Later that week Alastor is looking up from his paper to see Vox just, slowly entering the room, sloooooowly shutting the door behind him, looking to his old friend, "so hey! Funny idea, stop me if you've heard this one before but, I was thinking we could uh, maybe take their phone away annnnnnnnnnd... not give it back?" and here's Alastor, "oh, funny story! So earlier today they asked me if I 'wouldn't like them anymore' if they got COSMETIC SURGERY, yeah, ON THEIR FACE BELIEVE IT OR NOT, so, naturally, I'm already one step ahead of you :)" as he just casually gestures to the smashed wifi router in the garbage can in the corner of the room

You just get home from work one day and Vox has his CRT head back on and you're told 'if you want to look something up online, you can use the desktop in the computer room, and only 3 hours of screen time' and it all but blasts you 15 years into the past 💀 no more nights where you're gaming for 5+ hours straight and ruining your sleep. No more skipping meals because you're hyperfocused and binge-watching an anime while also playing an idle game on your phone. No more Alastor and Vox finding out you're just smoking bowls for hours literally nonstop because you need some sort of extra stimulation while you doomscroll and watch 3 hour long roast reviews for shows you've never watched

Alastor catches you swiping through an app and you get a divisive video thrown in your face from some alpha dude bro podcast, "yeah, a real man knows how to protect his lady! She should be at home cooking and keeping the house clean, not running around like a tramp and doing dumb chick stuff! All women need to focus on is marriage and being good wives, you know, a TRADITIONAL relationship!" and Alastor is just, swiping that shit out of your hand, "he DOES have a bit of a point, repulsive as he is! I suppose I'll have to start looking at potential dwellings that can fit you, me, and, I SUPPOSE Vox too 🙄" and little do you know he's already got a cute little home in the 'burbs set up already. He's just... you know! Waiting for the right moment to let you and the annoying TV bastard know that you'll be moving! Maybe he'll just... wait until the day of! Nothing beats a fun surprise, right? ^^ he doesn't want either of you... trying to run away or anything after all haha!

[liannaedgelord]

my friend @jeffstormer has a good-ass actual play podcast for 2-player story games and you should listen to it if you don't

so to that end, i made a list of my fav @partyofonepod episodes in no real order

Clicks & Hums & Sirens & The Sun: You know how sometimes you go to a big loud dance party and you fall in love with a boy and then later you have a big stupid breakup? This is a game about that. This episode is a funny relatable emotional rollercoaster and I'm on it and we talk about Weezer.

Something Happened & The Lights Are Out: A really sweet conversation between two long distance friends before the electricity goes out forever. Also I wrote the game. This is the last personal bias pick, I swear.

The My Little Pony RPG Alex Pearlman Found In His House When He Moved In: Exactly what it says on the tin. This is the funniest shit I've ever heard.

I Have The High Ground: I just love when a duel is super horny for no reason. Like I REALLY love that. Don't @ me, as the kids probably no longer say.

Knowing You: The small sad breakup game that made me want to write small sad breakup games. Everything on my Itch page flows from this episode. Just a beautiful melancholy story of smalltown heartbreak.

Hey Man, I Love You, But No Fucking Way: Speaking of small towns. A little slice of life drama about teens getting ready to leave the shitty little town they grew up in. This episode introduced me to one of my favorite albums and I listen to both whenever I start feeling nostalgic for places I hated actually living.

We Used To Be Friends: A real fun little teen mystery game that, if I'm being totally honest, is mainly on this list because one of Jeff's characters, Preston, is a hilarious pitch perfect impression of everybody I hung out with in high school. It fucking kills me every time, and you may feel similarly if you also were autistic in high school.

Cadences: Making art about making art is really easy to do insufferably, but when it hits, man it HITS. It's not even sad or anything, but I'm an artist with a love/hate relationship to being perceived and this is a small personal story about the conflict between wanting to do art for an audience and wanting to do it for its own sake. So uh, it kinda makes me cry despite being a pretty upbeat game.

[cierraonline]

S2EP1: SEX TALK!IS ZOE A VIRGIN?!CLAUDIA AND FINNEAS SWINGERS RUMOR CONFIRMED?!

𝖇𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖌𝖗𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖉 𝖗𝖊𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖉

💚💚💚💚

"We are back, bitches!" Siren yells into her microphone. "And we're poolside!" The camera zooms out, showing the poolside setting of the podcast.

"If you're confused, I'm Billie, and this is my crazy wife, Siren. You're watching 'Whatever the Fuck This Is' Podcast... Season 2... on ACID WATCH," Billie smiles at the camera. "Now you may be wondering why we moved from YouTube..."

"Because who the fuck wants to watch ads every five minutes, only for us to get demonetized because of my colorful vocabulary. Plus, with ACID WATCH, I can put out whatever I want. It acts as an everything platform for you guys. This means you can watch, listen, buy tickets, and even buy merch," Siren explains. "Now that the boring stuff is over... It's season two, bitches!!" Fire shoots into the air.

"What the fuck was that?" Billie looks startled, having jumped three inches out of her seat.

"Fire cannons," Siren shrugs with a prideful smirk. "Anyway, today we're talking sex, so we kicked Rodrick out and replaced him with Zoey101. Wave to the camera, Zoey101."

"Hi," Zoe cheekily blushes.

"And on the other couch, we have Isabella," the camera zooms over to the older blonde sitting to Siren's right on the circle pool couch in the middle of the pool.

"I lowkey miss our old setup, but this is so much better," Claudia looks around, observing the new background. "It's like a luxury upgrade. I'm here for it."

"Honestly, we're only out here until the studio gets set up, but I'm also liking the idea of filming the podcast at different areas in the complex. I don't know; I'll have Rodrick figure it out."

"So let's talk about sex!" Billie screams.

"Are you a freak?" Siren turns to her wife, testing her.

"No, I don't think I'm a freak," Billie shook her head, snacking on her orange slice.

"We're not going to do this episode if you're just going to fucking lie," Siren deadpans.

"Okay, fine, I'm a freak, happy!" Billie throws her arms out. "I admit it!"

"And that you're a bottom."

"See," Billie puts her arms back down. "I don't know about all of that," she shook her head.

"Wait! You're not a bottom?" Claudia interrupts, asking the question that has been publicly circulating around the fanbase of the artists and podcast.

"No!" Billie exclaims. "Why does everyone think I'm the bottom in this relationship!?"

"I don't think so, but I think people are confused," Zoe chimes in. "Because everything points to you, but the correct answer feels like it's Siren."

"She is the bottom!" Billie laughs at the theory given.

"I thought it was obvious about our relationship and sexual dynamic structure," Siren tilted her head to the left.

"Well, I guess not if we are all confused," Zoe sassed, playfully rolling her eyes.

"You're rubbing off on her," Billie looks at Siren, who looked like a proud mother on NBA draft day.

"I know, and I'm so proud of you," Siren smiles at Zoe, who blushed in return. "But to clear up the confusion, Billie and I are both switch, but just in different categories. I'm a brat, and Billie falls into the brat tamer category."

"What!?" Zoe and Claudia shared the same expression of shock and a tint of confusion.

"So what does that look like?" Claudia asks.

"I'mma let baby explain it because she does it so much better than me," Billie laughs.

"Okay, so for one, it's a power dynamic where Billie, for the majority, holds the power in the relationship. Being a brat is pushing her buttons to get a reaction out of her, and a brat tamer is someone who dominantly corrects the behavior."

"Okay, I can definitely see that in your guys' relationship," Zoe nods her head. "So how does that translate sexually as both of you are switch?"

"So for me, being a switch is the mindset of, on the natural submissive side, I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want no matter the warnings, and then I'm going to take the punishment. On the dominant side, there is no punishment because I'm going to tire her out before she can do anything."

"So for Billie, it would be, she can either correct you or let you do what you want?" Claudia asks for clarification. "How did you guys get to that or know that's what you are?"

"Our dynamic even as friends was just always like that," Billie states. "And then when we started watching porn at a young age, that was the genre we gravitated more to, visually. But when we started having sex at...I want to say at 15, we developed our kinks and dynamic through experimenting."

"Wait! You guys were having sex at 15!" Zoe's mouth fell open. "I didn't even know that! Why didn't I know that!?"

"Dude, we've been sharing a bed since we were babies. Did you really think during the puberty and hormone stage we were just sleeping in our beds at night?" Siren furrowed her eyebrows.

"And cuddling," Zoe answers. "At most making out..."

"You're confused about that? I'm stuck on the part that you guys were having sex before dating," Claudia adds.

"Well, that would be impossible," Siren answers.

"What do you mean?"

"Siren and I never dated," Billie states.

"Huh?" Zoe and Claudia release.

"We've never dated or went through the whole girlfriend and girlfriend phase," Siren clarifies, but the two were still confused.

"That doesn't make sense," Zoe tilted her head in confusion. "So you guys just went from friends to marriage?"

"That's exactly what we are saying," Billie nods her head.

"That doesn't make sense, though," Claudia says her opinion. "You just woke up one day and it was like 'I'm going to propose.'" She looks at Billie who was adjusting her cap on her head.

"Literally yes," Billie confirms. "I always knew that Siren was going to be the one I would marry. Plus, we were always with one another, so I didn't see the need to do the whole dating phase."

"So you sat in a relationship knowing that there was no future because you were going to marry Siren no matter what?" Zoe questions.

"Yup!"

"She's fucking toxic," Siren laughs.

"No, I'm not," Billie chuckles. "At the time, I didn't know what it meant to like girls or if I even did. Because the attraction was only towards Siren. But since she's a girl I guess anyone would just know I'm gay... I don't know...I-I was slow back then—"

"Still are now," Siren mumbles under her breath, receiving a slap to her thigh.

"I just wanted to experiment with guys before I claimed and wore the title of being gay and let myself actually be deeply in love with this person who I view as my soulmate, who happens to be a girl."

"That makes sense," Claudia nods her head. Siren wanted to say something that was on the tip of her tongue, something that she's been wanting to say for some time, but like always, she held it back because she didn't want it to be mistaken as starting an argument rather than just wanting to get it off her chest so she could be understood.

"Yeah, total sense," Siren rolls her eyes.

Billie was the only one to catch it, causing her to internally become confused and wonder why she rolled her eyes. Placing her hand on her wife's thigh, she did a little squeeze, trying to get her attention, and once she had it, she stared at her, hoping she got the message which Siren did because she shook her head.

She didn't want to talk about it.

"So what are your guys' kinks?" Zoe asks.

"Ooh," Billie sounds as she tilted her head up to think about the question. "I would say number one is bimbofication because after a while, the person getting fucked loses their senses besides touch, which goes to overdrive."

"I've tried that with Finneas, but there's a fear of not knowing when to stop," Claudia speaks up.

"Finneas is a bottom?" Siren tries to decipher from the words that left the older woman's mouth.

"Yeah," she nods her head as if it was old news.

"Ew," Billie grimaced in disgust from having information about her brother's sexual life, especially since she can easily picture it in her head. "Siren has passed out before and I kept going, but that's because we don't have code words. During sex, we will handcuff our right hands together and still hold hands, and if I feel her let go of my hand, then I know to stop."

"You've passed out before?" Zoe turns to her best friend with a shocked look on her face.

"Yeah," Siren confirms. "We don't like soft play at all. It just feels like sleepy sex. And hard play is more exciting and feels better. I've passed out due to Billie being pussy drunk, and I would come back to the surface and she would still be going."

"It's not my fault," Billie shrugs her shoulders. "1. Your pussy is pretty. 2. I'm addicted to watching you orgasm. 3. It's hot to rewatch."

"You guys record?" Claudia chimes in enthusiastically.

"Yeah, we got this toy cam recorder from the TikTok shop, and it makes everything look visually pleasing with this 90s grunge vibe," Billie smiles.

"What is pussy drunk?" Zoe furrowed her eyebrows.

"You don't know what it means to be pussy drunk?" Billie asked her best friend in curiosity, to which Zoe shook her head with a tint of embarrassment. "What about cum drunk?" It got the same answer as the last question.

"Zoe, are you a virgin?" Siren asked the short blonde.

"Y-yeah, is that like bad?"

"No!" Claudia affirms. "It's actually a good thing because it means many things. Like you're not a victim to hookup culture or physically sex isn't a big thing for you."

"Oh, it's definitely a big thing," Zoe shook her head. "I'm just...waiting." She blushes, reminiscing on the reason why she was waiting to have sex.

"Waiting for what?" Billie asks.

"The right person, I guess," she smiles. "I have in my head who I want to lose my virginity to."

"Who?" Billie and Claudia turn to her with excited curiosity.

"I know who it is," Siren winks.

"No, you don't!" Zoe became defensive because if Siren says she knows a secret that hasn't been told, 10/10 she actually knows the secret. "How could you possibly know? I never said anything."

"Wait, do you!?" Billie turns to her wife. "How come Siren gets to know and not me?"

"I didn't tell Siren; she's just a fucking witch who knows and sees everything," Zoe exaggerates, flinging her arms around dramatically.

"Calm down," Siren shook her head. "I'm not judging you, but I am. But also, I think you two would be cute together in a Kira and Scott type of way."

"Kira and Scott," Zoe frowned. "Why not Allison and Scott?"

"Didn't Allison and Scott only stay together for like twelve episodes throughout the whole series, and they were supposedly soulmates or some shit like that?" Siren states.

"What about Lydia and Stiles?" Zoe offered another pairing option.

"They don't even get together," Siren shook her head. "And Jeff teased us during season 5 just for nothing to happen after. Just really, they were just pining over each other."

"Who are Allison, Scott, Kira, Stiles, and Lydia?" Claudia asked, causing the area to go quiet.

"What the fuck do you mean who are Allison, Scott, Kira, Stiles, and Lydia?" Siren interrupts the silence.

"You've never watched Teen Wolf before?" Zoe put some bass in her question.

"Is that a new show or something?"

"Stop talking," Zoe and Siren say in sync.

"Welcome to my world," Billie chimes in.

"I would rather you be like Kira and Scott than you having an eight-year plan that gets you nowhere besides friends that know they have feelings for each other."

"So wait! They has feelings for me?" Zoe's eyes widen.

"No," Siren cuts the dream short, deflating a once gleeful Zoe. "But if you make the move, they'll see it...hopefully and make a move. You guys just have to hang out more."

"Doing what?"

"They are a relaxed down-for-anything type of person, just go for it," Siren shrugged her shoulders.

"Can you tell us who you guys are talking about?" Billie pouted, wanting to be in the know about her best friend's crush.

"No," they say in sync.

"Well, onto you, Ms. Claudia," Siren takes the attention away from Zoe and to the other blonde in the sitting area.

"What about me?" She frowns in confusion.

"I heard something about you and Finneas, and I just want you to confirm if it's true or not," Siren smirks, excited to ask the question she's basically been dying to ask since Billie told her the rumor.

"What did you hear?" Claudia responds in a cool manner.

"I heard that you and Finneas like to swing. Is that true?"

"Absolutely not!" Claudia laughs, causing Siren to frown because she was hoping it would be true.

"Boo," Siren comments. "I would've respected you guys more if you said yes. But you didn't, so close us out."

"And that's a wrap for episode one of season two!" the fire cannons go off again, causing the three Caucasian girls to jump in their seats as Siren laughs. "We had girl talk without the presence of Rodrick, but don't worry, he'll most likely be here next week. Billie and Siren finally answered the question everyone was wondering for no reason, and all it revealed was that they are some kinky people because Billie likes to get pussy drunk—"

"Daily," Siren cheekily answers.

"If Billie was like a g!p character, I feel like you would've been pregnant because you guys have sex like every day," Zoe laughs. "And I bet you wouldn't use a condom."

"We have sex like three times a day," Siren says, thinking about the frequency of their sex life. "Plus no wrapper feels better" {wrap it up please}

"So, breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

"Yup," Billie smiles. 

"Anyway, we found out Zoe is a virgin, which makes her an icon, and she's waiting for a certain person to pop her cherry."

"Her bike did that already," Siren shakes her head. "She just needs them to fuck her...hard or soft?"

"Maybe the first time soft, then after that as hard as they want," Zoe blushes as she answers the question. 

"Zoe wants the mystery person to take away her ability to walk, and we are here for it," Claudia laughs. "I answered the rumors that Finneas and I are not swingers, but he is a bottom."

"Still gross," Billie gags.

"And as an update on Sillie's pregnancy, Siren is..."

"Now in my second trimester," Siren states the progress of her pregnancy.

"Wait, really?"

"We didn't want to tell anyone during the first trimester because those are the critical months. So we didn't want to tell anyone and then make it a big deal just for something unfortunate to happen," Billie clarifies why the couple wasn't quick to announce their pregnancy.

"So when do we find out the gender of the bean?"

"I believe next week, actually," Siren states, looking to Billie for confirmation since Billie was on top of everything and the most excited about the pregnancy. "But I want to keep it a surprise, and Travis, Rodrick, and Dre want to do a baby shower/gender reveal party for me."

"I don't know about that," Billie voiced her half-thought opinion. "We'll talk about it."

"There's nothing to talk about," Siren gave a little glare. "They want to do it, and I want them to do it." 

"Yeah, but I'd rather my mom and Rose do it instead," Billie shrugged her shoulders. "I just want it to be a traditional baby shower and reveal, not this over-the-top party."

"My brother and best friends want to do it, so I'm going to let them do it since they offered right away before anyone else," Siren shook her head. "Get over it."

"Why are you being mean?" Billie pouted, furrowing her eyebrows. 

"I'm not being mean. Travis, Rodrick, and Dre asked before anyone else, and I already said they could. They started the planning already, so there's no need to change anything."

"No!" The tears started to fall out of Billie's eyes. "I want my mom and Rose to plan it. Baby showers are for females anyway. I don't want them there."

"And I'm guessing Billie took all the symptoms with this pregnancy," Claudia joked, feeling the tension in the room rise.

"You think?" Siren rolls her eyes, looking away from her wife with annoyance. 

"I'm Siren, and the crybaby—"

"Don't fucking call me a crybaby, Siren!"

"And the CRYBABY over there is Billie, and this is 'Whatever the Fuck This Is' Podcast, Season Two. See you next week."

💚💚💚💚

[iantimony]

it's tuesday!

last weekend someone taught me how to catch crayfish when wading and this weekend i successfully grabbed one!! proof at the end of the post.

listening: guess (charli xcx, billie eilish): old roommate put this on for me and helloooooo. it's so. yeah. (link is the official music video, warning for flashing) it led me to this playlist cunty trashy slutty skanky which, first of all, excellent playlist name; second of all, what a fucking combination of songs?? something about the juxtaposition of nirvana -> kesha -> korn, etc is. insane in a good way.

last week was bandcamp friday! i last-minute got a few things: finally got sammy rae's "good life" and "let's throw a party", and preordered their newest album "something for everybody". i still need to buy my ticket for their concert near to me this fall. then i got sad snack's full discography for like $5 (the no children ska cover lol), the altogether's "when we were kids" which has been a go-to comfort album for me for a bit, shakey graves "deadstock" anthology, and finally the dear hunter "antimai".

i've been back on the podcast grind, just casually keeping up with stuff like mbmbam sawbones lpotl etc as they come out. most recent mbmbam (episode....730?? jesus christ) has some REALLY funny bits, notably towards the beginning where the cincinnati tornado sirens were being tested and griffin made a comment about the air raid sirens going off again and travis was like ?? dude i'm not in the fucking blitz??? it was very good. there was something else towards the end of the episode that also made me laugh out loud -- oh yes i just went and relistened to the last minute and it's the wish at the end, "i wish my cat would know what it means when i flip him off". so fucking true griffin. i was considering going to one of their tour dates but unfortunately they will be in the nearest city to me when i'm out of town for my second wedding of the fall. ah well

reading: most fallow. lots of little articles for my research.

watching: shane dawson and the art of the constant rebrand - jimmy robins: little retrospective about a guy who i never really liked and haven't thought about in years. i guess he's still around ??? okay. not gonna embed it so you don't get jumpscared by his face.

playing: this is a partial share with watching but last weekend my old roommate and i hung out with one of our friends with the intention of having dinner and crafting. however. we were so tired from kayaking earlier that day that we just ended up watching friend play stray and not crafting at all. it's really cute! i did get Very emotional at the beginning when the cat fell! i was like no!!!

my friend mostly played it but i did do a little bit, it was lots of fun. there was a very funny bit where friend, getting really in the mindset of Being Cat, pulled out a battery pack from a fan and was like "hehe i'm gonna drop it off the roof!" and did it before we could stop her, we were like wait we might need that to solve a puzzle -- but the answer was no it was fine, which is good, because it ended up dropped on a completely inaccessible rooftop ledge below, oopsie.

making: !!! ALL REDACTED !!! i will be able to post some of it next week. i do not know if beloved mutual celestialtourguide reads these regularly but just to be safe. allegedly the glaze kiln WILL be done by wednesday so i will finally know how fucked my guys are. if they're very fucked it'll be like. well, okay, i guess my gift is just money now,

other redacted item is embroidery related!

eating: mostly leftovers from last week, i think im gonna make crisped chickpeas with herbs and garlic yogurt from deb smittenkitchen to use up a zucchini that i have languishing in the fridge. it'll be a nice light lunch.

misc: THE PRELIMINARY EXAM DOCUMENT EXISTS. rejoice. however this comes with the caveat that i don't have a date set yet because i am in the trenches of trying to solve a Very specific problem with my software. the solution is a complete unknown to me as of now. it is in the stage of "putting key words in quotation marks in google scholar and going down the list emailing all the authors like heyyyy help please", which is scary. at least one other person has done something semi-similar - in fact they have my advisor in their acknowledgements thanking them for her editing help lol - so i'm hoping i'm nearly there. because once that is resolved i can FINALLY set a date, which, assuming i pass, also sets the earliest point at which i can give my thesis defense! scary!!

anyway. crayfish proof. it looks like im squishing him way worse than i actually was, he got released and swam away safely do not worry

[origami-butterfly]

2, 6, 14 for podcast asks?

2) What's a podcast that you've cried over?

HELLO FROM THE HALLOWOODS!!! Episode 65 fucks me up so badly, as well as 109. I'm pretty sure I've cried over nightvale before as well, in Cecil and Carlos' wedding episode. Also I cried in the TSV episode in season 2 where Carpenter and Faulkner reunite. I cry a lot lol.

6.) What characters from different podcasts do you think would be friends?

I'm always really bad at answering these ones, out of fear of misinterpreting the characters

I think Riot from hfth would love Marissa Ng and vice versa! Marissa would love Riot's sword, Riot would love the rocket launcher.

14.) who is a podcast character that you love?

I did get asked this one by Mikey, but I'll give you a different answer. I really love Faulkner TSV. I've just started season 3, and I love seeing how affected by guilt about framing Carpenter he is, and I love how he has pretty much become a cult leader. I can sometimes see some of myself in him as well- how at the start of the series, his faith is so fervent, and now in season 3 he's kind of just... tired. Obviously religion in tsv is VERY different to religion in real life, but it's there, and another thing I have in common with him is that I can't swim, despite loving water (I literally went kayaking today, I feel like Percy Shelley lmao). And I can relate to the "being trans and picking a terrible name" thing (the name Edward is such a siren song to me...) all the names you could have picked, and you chose Richard. Also I love B Narr's voice!! They are such a good actor omg.

Podcast ask game

[pearwaldorf]

I really need to stop listening to Malevolent in the mornings because it is Too Much to have such intense feelings about sad detective and eldritch hitchhiker before work!! But can I wait until after work? Also no.

This episode had the range, damn. Arthur completely off his rocker consumed with thoughts of revenge, John pleading with him to see reason, remember his humanity. Such a good role reversal.

One of the things I love about this podcast is how good the audio production is. In addition to Arthur's blindness being a clever conceit as a vehicle for (literal) description, And the music is part of this. There's not a lot of variation in what's used: Faroe's song, "You Call It Madness", maybe something else. And when you hear something else, that's like a big screeching siren that you need to pay attention. I don't even know what that discordant sound that plays when Arthur and John are having their argument about whether Arthur's intended actions are justified. Maybe something scraping over piano strings?

The pacing is also impeccable--just enough time for the building dread and concern for this character (who we've spent so much time with and rooted for) to coalesce before it all goes to shit. Arthur dropping the knife. Stabbing the empty bed. And then, a literal repeat of what Arthur and Yellow did to get into Uncle's room. The music box was a nice touch, in a real fucked-up way. I respect that.

I'm also so fucking mad the way "bedrock" is used in this episode. At first I thought it was John not getting the idiom quite correct. But the way it comes up again with Peter, it's also a base. Something with stability that you can use to build on, climb up from. I don't think we've ever gotten any information canonically about what Arthur and Peter's relationship was like until now. And he's absolutely cast in the same position as John: the constant, the one good thing. I have no way of knowing if Arthur included Parker in "Because I can't lose another person!" but I'd like to think so. (And oh, to be so intimate with the being who took somebody that dear and important away from you. There's a story there that I wish somebody would tell.)

(Also, there is something to be said about how all the important people in Arthur's life are ghosts by the time we get to know them.)

The thing about fictional characters(') suffering is that it is, ultimately, selfish. They're not real, so it doesn't matter if they hurt. Which is not to say that it can't be done poorly or gratuitously, but it is for us, the creators and the consumers of said work to tell us things we need to hear. You do not need to walk a hundred miles in the desert on your knees, repenting. A terrible mistake does not mean you are unforgivable. The discovery of your humanity can help you transcend the wrongs you did for eons. You are not a monster. And even if you are, it doesn't matter. Somebody will love you anyways.

The last part of the episode is satisfying on a level that some people might call fan service. But that particular term, I think, implies an unearned indulgence. Nothing about what happens is unearned. John pulling Arthur back from the brink with his steadying belief in Arthur's conviction, reflecting that humanity Arthur taught him. John reciting Robert Frost to Arthur!! I was ugly crying on my rowing machine! I have never had any emotional attachment to "Stopping By the Woods on a Snowy Evening" or "Invictus" but I sure as heck do now!

And the apple! The beautiful crisp sound of it! (Somebody in the tag said it had to be an apple because it's the only fruit that makes a pleasing sound, which is also true. But apples are also the only fruit that could really survive through winter before the advent of modern transportation, and there's some symbolism in that.) wildehack made a comment on my fic about how Arthur is so spare in all the time we've known him: not just thin, but starved, and John fits himself into those spaces. And to see Arthur feel pleasure, enjoyment, expansive with hope? It was earned, and good.

ALSO HE PROMISED DATE NIGHT!

[edit:] I forgot about Faroe's music box! I thought Arthur would take it, but he doesn't need it anymore. And that's not a loss, that's closure, and I am so glad for him.

[fakeshibe]

The sheeb listens to JRWI Riptide 3-word summary twitter thread, now with 100% less twitter!!!!

Before twitter totally went to shit, i had a thread that i was adding to every time i listened to an episode of jrwi! I had to write a summary or comment on the episode with 3 words or fewer, although exaggerated spellings and punctuation for emphasis were totally allowed so it wasn't a strict rule. It was just a silly haha way for me to try and motivate myself to keep listening cause i'm v bad at picking up new habits (like listening to podcasts), so i was hoping that posting about it would build the habit and get me to pay better attention so i could remember details to comment on. Heads up, this was already a very, very long twitter thread and i'm still updating it, so it's gonna be a long post. Also spoilers for JRWI Riptide, up to ~roughly episode 60 atm. will update though! :) also i'm copypasting from where i archived the thread on discord so all the emoji's are broken, pretend they're all normal, ok? JRWI SPOILERS AHEAD!!! FINAL WARNING!!!!

(Jan 2023) (First tweet in thread: finally successfully listening to podcasts!! so every time i finish an episode of jrwi i’m gonna reply to this tweet with a 3 word or less summary we’ll see if i make it past episode 10, not hopeful since it took me 2 months to finish episode 1 :sob: )

Starting from zero funny fish man :)

Chipwrecked! mmm monke :)

The Laughing City Gillion slaps balds

The Baldening slapping more balds (April 23)

The Curse of Loffinlot started listening again!!

Off With His Head! Gillion Marxist arc?!? :0

A Mist Opportunity Chip autocanniballism arc??!!? D:

A Hero’s Burden Gillion need hug :(

A Victorious Banquet! black rose mentioned?!?!?!?! :0

The Hangover (i made it to 10 episodes!!) omg the beloveds! <3

Return to the Open Sea Inception but Jay

The Endless Game (ft. Ranboo) ranboo is real?!?!? :0

Showtime! (ft. Ranboo) Chip discovers reaganomics

The House Always Wins (ft. Ranboo) farewell friend Clorten :(

The Chip on My Shoulder Gillion was right >:(

Fish and Chips i’m gonna cry :’)

The Siren's Call Gillion: '…That's tits' :thinking:

Striking a Chord chip's not normal :face_with_raised_eyebrow: :worried:

The One the empress… :flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed::flushed:

The Sanctuary the empress… :angry::angry::angry::angry::angry::angry:

An Act of Love Nat 20 kiss?!?!?!?!

True North Chip = Weaponised incompetence

Downhill Desires YASS COMRADE TIDESTRIDER!!!!

Empress of Malice Jay absolutely slays

The Hole in Your Heart Get deez'd bitch :sunglasses: (May 23)

First Blood pretzel is terrifying :squid:

The Pirate Code Gil discovers cat :)

Making a Splash scary teleport lady

The Paramount Tournament FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Jack the Jolly Roger chip pants collection (June 23)

One Remaining Rose ELIZABETH ALIVE?!!?!? WTF??!!?

Breaking The Ice Gillion got adopted (July 23)

Thunderdome of Destiny (ft. Pokay) gillion briefly homophobic

Wrath of La Alma (ft. Pokay) that's not good D:

Sign here (ft. Pokay) jay eated paper

The Luxbris Pearl (ft. Pokay) i cry lots

Indemnification (ft. Pokay) closed eye trickshots

The people’s Champion (ft. Pokay) combat against ball

A sea of Red and Gold oh shit.

The Navy's Armada Chip saying son :') :pleading_face: :sob:

Growing Pains ||ollie now big||

The Serpent borfd it

City of Steam new favourite episode :sob::sob:

Blossoming Trust pinky promise :)

The Perfect Crime OH SHIT!! D:

Robot Rumble imposter among us

What Binds Us awww :') awh :face_holding_back_tears::face_holding_back_tears: awww (August 23)

Shattered Kingdom Scotland confirmed non-canon :pensive:

The Duke of Everything (ft. Jschlatt) pretzels everywhere

The Block (omg!!! 50!!!! woo!!!!) plausibly deniable clown

Blistering Trials NO! GIVE HIM!!!! :(

Death March FUCKING WHAT?!?! WHAT!!??!

Not Ferin Well FUCKED UP!!! CRYING!!!!! :sob::sob::sob: :(

A Dead Man’s Tale (ft. JoCat) NEW SCOTTISH GUY!!!! :scotland::scotland::scotland::scotland:

Till Death Do We Part (ft. JoCat) many nat 20s

Mystery and Misery oh shit, chip…

The Hull of the World WAAHHHH EDYN :')

The Tides Between Us EMOTIONAL WHIPLASH WTF

A Price to be Paid Jay escaped employment (September 23)

Price is Right woah, solo episode?

Super Savvy Sleuthing Slugs chaos, of course

Chaos and Consequences ending was fucked

Farewells earl :( :( :( miss him :( :( :( :)

The City of Night new guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (October 23) Riptide Origins: Humble Beginnings actual siblings real

Dressed to the Nines jay gets bitches

[elizabethplaid]

CBC (Canada) - Strange Noises in British Columbia

So uh, remember how I talked about hearing a "fog whale" last year? (First instance was May 2022.) This is that same fucking sound. I shit you not, it's the same goddamn thing.

As I knit tonight, I'm listening to the "Natural Mysteries in Your Backyard" episode (ep 54) of the Red Web podcast. Around the 28-min mark, they start talking about a sound called "sky trumpets", so I looked it up. Some other videos I briefly checked sounded more like growls or explosions. This example sounded the closest to what I heard, myself.

Some of the other examples I found sounded metallic, some like a vehicle (like a distant plane or such), one was even had a siren-like pattern. My experience was def that multiple/overtone sustained note, much like a whale sound. I called it a "fog whale" for a reason.

Anyway, I'm not crazy, and it doesn't seem to be a moose, like we theorized. And now, I shall continue listening to the podcast. :P

[strangerstilinski]

You may have received this message 3x because I typed it out the first time and RIP computer crashed then the second I clicked send and by God Tumblr crashed and so if it crashes a 3rd time you will never see this message but maybe you have it in your inbox like a bazillion times.

Basically the first part is yea I get small towns but a lot of the urban legend and crimes weren't talked about openly because a lot of churches in small towns Indiana. Also because people were superstitious as fuck and like there's a lot of Masons near my small town Indiana so you didn't want to say anything that could somehow be related to them...

Anyways more lore and infodump about Indiana because I already said some things and now my brain is itching to tell more: which also the majority of these was read in a book when I was a preteen about weird and creepy things in Indiana (and again this is the 3rd time trying to send this message so things aren't in the same order)

There's The Fox Hollow Farm murders about another SK like Eyler. I have seen podcasts do an ep on this but briefly listened and never finished.

Claypool murders. It was a hotel and in 1940s a woman got murdered never found the killer. Another woman got murdered in the 1950s, but they did find their murderer. Place may or may not have been haunted but it is torn down today. I've heard this one on a podcast somewhere idk where...

The ghost Diana at the Dunes. Dont ask me the lore because my family had more interesting urban legend. Because its common for people to go missing or fall into the dunes, well my dad told me the rumor he heard was that the dunes moved creating air pockets- but WHY did they move? And some people who "fell" into these air pockets said it felt like something grabbed them...there's something living in the dunes that causes the sand to shift.

There's 100 steps cemetery i think in southwest Indiana. There are so many different legends the one I remember is you have to count each step, or you'll die in so many days. But also you'll see a premonition of your death?

Vincennes is just a haunted town, everyone i know who isnt local who has gone there has seen or heard something especially on some of those bridges.

There's catacombs under Indy that may or may not be haunted.

Bigfoot. So many stories and legends about Bigfoot in the state park. Speaking of state parks, one is called Shades state park. I went one time because I had a goal to hit as many different state parks in Indiana...never again because there were ladders you had to climb. But it was called Shades of Death in like the 70s or 80s because of people going missing.

There's some small town that had a Wolfman. He like defected from a war or something and then got adopted by a pack of wolves and lost his humanity and became like them. I only remember reading this one because the townsfolk turned on him and locked him in the cave by blowing up the exits and left him to die and I thought that was horrific because I'm terrified of caves.

Which there is the Indiana caverns. Thats its own thing snd there are rumors im sure

One of the bigger cities near me has a lot where a murder took place and the house was insanely haunted. Like every person who lived there after saw things and went insane or got killed there. They tore the house down and rebuilt on that lot and it continued to happen. Now its just an empty lot.

Mermaids. Don't ask me how or why a landlocked state has mermaids in the few ponds and lakes it has. I say mermaids loosely because yeah there's the river creature sea serpent loch ness monster type of creature in one of the lakes but there is also the mermaids as the town called it that were a mix between actual mythology of Selkies and Sirens.

Also there's supposedly a turtle cryptid somewhere in Indiana and I just think that's funny compared to the rest

this was wild from start to finish 🤯 thank you endlessly for fighting tumblr by sending this in a third time, because this was the only version of this message that i received and i am soooo grateful (i was not joking when i said i wanted to search for creepy podcasts hehehehe)

also u easily saved the best for last bc a turtle cryptid???

[violetren]

Aether Chapter 14

Cape Town definitely lived up to expectations on cool factor. Dutch and Rhonda are absolutely delightful and something about hearing that Dutch had previously been on a MERT before becoming a bouncer just kinda put me in mind of the Love and Luck podcast and the dry bar within it. So that was a fun moment of association for me.

I was very excited when Maggie noticed a welsh dragon emblem. Ofc Eurion has their own booth at the non-human bar and good thing too it seems.

It was immediately and immensely satisfying to watch Praetorian almost shit himself when she walked up. He is every bit the kind of dickhead you would expect of a guy who would rather stand by corrupt "heroes" than the person who called them out on their shit, which implies to me a certain level of entitlement based on his status as hero. I'm wiling to bet that if he stopped reaping a certain level of rewards and recognition for being a hero he'd go directly to supervillainy. Dude gives vibes somewhere between Gotham Cop and Homelander Fanboy. Also the way he walked up and leered over the table gave me big Garrett energy. Not enough to go full red string conspiracy theorist but some thoughts were definitely thunk.

Also it feels shady as fuck that he is so concerned with the High Guard's roster. Most generously he's just gonna go whine to the DMA about want a fair share of new resources, but I don't have that kind of trust in my heart to spare for this asshole. Dude has some shady side hustle going on that unexpected changes in the High Guard's roster might fuck up.

Eurion either went REALLY easy on Maggie this evening or she's finally getting used to talking to humans again. Even when the topic of wives was brought up she didn't propose once to either Varsha or Maggie. Maybe she has someone in mind now? Maybe she just feels like she's on thin ice with Ashley's other friends based on how Hannah acts and didn't want to risk having another high guard member being jealous of her?

Varsha, Eurion, and me are all on the same page about Ashley is definitely determined to make herself miserable. I wonder if she's been keeping up with her anti-depressants? She definitely seems like she needs to talk with someone, ideally a professional, about her hesitance to go for a relationship that she and the other person both want.

I was right! Varsha would have preferred never having unlocked her powers. She's just found a way to make it work for her.

Maggie asked that classic "Do you think I'm selfish for not wanting to be a hero?" question that kind makes it look like SHE thinks she might be selfish for not helping. Varsha is as I've come to expect very compassionate and kind in explaining that no she wouldn't be being selfish if she decided not to be a hero. I think its an interesting conversation to be having in a setting where one of the owners of the place retired from being a hero to run a club instead. There is no judgement or even consideration of that fact on Maggie's part which is part of what makes me think its HER feeling that not being a hero with her gifts would be a negative thing.

Who the FUCK is Tux?!

Is that "everyone is a bit in love with Tux" comment gonna prove to be true? Will I love Tux?

Also I have questions for the cape chaser Varsha points out to Maggie. I don't doubt that Maggie is hot, I've seen the cover, but if she is indeed some sort of cape chaser as Varsha asserts, then why is she eying off Maggie and not Delta V? Was Maggie just doing it for her, or was she hoping to be able to say she fucked a new high guard member before it was cool?

MAGGIE WAS SO FUCKING SMOOTH ASKING VARSHA TO DANCE!

I love it.

I do not love the blaring sirens right as things were winding up to dance floor make outs.

For someone who doesn't want to be a super hero Maggie had NO hesitation agreeing to get Delta V's go bag and meet her at the scene of an emergency instead of just going back and using a radio to relay that one of the other heroes should grab it on the way out. I look forward to seeing how that plays out.

[fansofvow]

Interview with the one, the only Krissy (no last name needed)

I started following Krissy (aka @xekstrin) on Tumblr pretty much the minute I found out they were the mind behind my favorite Astoria route, Astraeus. And I am so glad I did. Their feed is always interesting, ranging from the thoughtful to the outright thirsty. If for some reason you don't follow them, I highly recommend you change that right now.

Krissy was kind enough to take some time out of a very busy schedule to answer some questions for the blog so buckle up, settle in and enjoy.

You are one busy person! A new podcast, an erotic short, prolific fanfic, one of which is nominated for the “best sex in fan fic” award from thegoodbits.com. There’s so much I want to ask you. I’d like to start with your erotic short, “Keeping You” which can be purchased on Gumroad, an online platform which facilitates the sale of products by creators directly to consumers. Why did you choose to use that platform for that particular story?

First off I just wanna say thanks for interviewing me :)

I guess I am pretty busy, but it was a surprise to hear someone else say that because that's just normal for me! There's also a ton of stuff I'm doing that I'm keeping dead quiet about on social media because NDA reasons...

I chose gumroad for that story because a few creators I admire had posted their stories on there and I was curious about how it worked! Whenever I'm curious about something new I wanna know all about it. The best way to find out is to just do it myself, so that's what I did.

Other reasons— It's difficult to get a short story published anywhere, and I knew I wanted a higher percentage of the royalties/sales to go directly to me. While doing this I discovered that Amazon takes something like a 35% cut of all sales while Gumroad takes roughly 10%. I just moved across the country and money is a little tight. And Amazon is demonstrably evil so that didn't hurt. I'll probably wind up getting some of my future books on Amazon eventually though, because like it or not it IS the largest marketplace for books right now. One day I will succumb to its siren call.

The response from readers was overwhelmingly positive and I'll probably continue to offer short stories on gumroad! Everyone was extremely nice and also funny. My readers are the best.

Pivoting to your fanfiction: you have covered numerous fandoms but your most recent focus, as anyone who follows you will know, is KDA. What draws you to that particular set of characters?

It's a bunch of hot women with juuuuuuuuuust enough canon information for me to fuck around with it however I like. I love four-man bands. I love colorful neon things. I love WAMEN. I love monster girls. I love music. I love the ARG style "narration" of finding out more lore via digging around social media. Did I mention they were hot? Evelynn is so hot and so my type she makes me weak in the knees. Highkey she was an inspiration for how I wrote Vivienne. I even gave them the same perfume. So in conclusion,

Your podcast, Trash and Treasures, was started with your best friend, Scooby and focuses on reviewing WLW content, with the focus (at first) being romance novels. What was the impetus behind the decision to create the podcast?

We were going fucking bananas batshit crazy during 2020 and were like "what if we started a podcast for an imaginary audience". Like singing in your shower and pretending it's on a world stage, but it was the two of us singing an impassioned shower duet with a kitty keyboard accompaniment. So yeah we also decided to release the episodes this year as things have gotten a little better for us both. It was a really nice excuse to talk to my best friend about books. We're aiming for three seasons I think?

Changing gears a bit, did you always know you would be a writer?

Yes. I'm incapable of being anything else.

What did your path to working professionally as a writer look like?

Luck, fucking around and finding out, being able to bounce back after COUNTLESS rejections, a partner who can pay half the bills and pat my back when I'm lying on the floor in a depression pile, and being too dumb and self-centered and hard-headed to quit. I know I'm a good writer but I'm also just interested in self-preservation. There's a pack of wolves chasing my every step and if I ever stop writing they'll hunt me down and eat me alive. It's very stressful!

Is there any work of art, visual or written, that you look to for inspiration?

I think I've re-read Sweet Guilty Love Bites by Shuninta Amano like a million times. I love melodramatic manga of dubious quality dripping with human emotion. I like new music. I like poetry. Ocean Vuong owns me right now. I like looking at art and trying to describe things in ways I've never heard before. Today I saw a very pretty picture of a river and spent some time practicing how to describe it. I just have to keep my blade sharp and ready all the time or I'll forget how to write and the aforementioned wolves will eat me.

If a VOW member made it, it's also my favorite. What an absolute powerhouse of talent. Everyone in there awes me.

Do you have a favorite piece of your own writing?

Oh, I get to FLEX? oh, you ask miette to SHOWBOAT? you ask me to flare my pretty peacock feathers for you??? [promptly forgets everything I've ever written] If it made you cry or turned you on or made you laugh or infuriated you, it's my favorite.

Many people who read this blog know you as a former writer for Lovestruck. And to be blunt, a writer that was incredibly important to the app. Just a look at the routes you have written is a testimony to how much work you put in. This may be a difficult question considering how long you were there and what you have been through, but when you look back on your time there, what stands out in your mind?

My opinion of Voltage has cooled significantly after that public statement where they made their opinion of their writers very clear. But my favorite memory was probably the time I made a producer blush with a high-heat scene. And the time my GIL producer was reading over Chance's wedding and sighed, "Oh, Krissy. That's too much blood." You can imagine I was very excited when Antonio's route had a literal bathtub full of blood. They wound up spoiling me in many ways. The relationships we fostered were, in my opinion, the backbone of many of the most popular routes.... too bad one of my last official conversations with them boiled down to "We never legally promised you would write Piama and any headcanons you sent us are legally our property. Do you understand that?" And I told them— happily— I never gave them anything I didn't want them to steal.

I think it’s safe to say Vivienne is your most popular route. Is there any other route of yours that you feel deserves more fan attention?

Lyris is such a good boy. Devastatingly so.

A friend of mine is a big fan of your writing, especially Lyris’s route, and asked me to please find out: What is your writing process like? Does it vary depending on what you are working on?

For myself— Often I'll write out of order. I'll write my favorite scenes first. Endings are important and I often do them first. Then I'll start stitching it all together. It goes MUCH faster if I have a good song on repeat. The trick is the song changes every day and I don't know which song it is until I hear it.

If I'm writing for someone else, I just do what they tell me, but if I get excited halfway through I might change things up and be like "I know you asked for A, but I think B is better, do you like it?" and if they like it we keep it, and if they don't I change it.

Do you have any other upcoming projects you would like to mention that I haven’t asked about yet?

Follow the VOW newsletter!!!!!!!! @vowtogether

Do you have a favorite quote or song lyric?

“If you live for people's acceptance, you will die from their rejection.” Just a reminder to myself. I have an awful people-pleasing instinct. Cucumber Quest also put it nicely.

Also, "There's never gonna be a perfect baby." From Adventure Time. In context it's about a bunch of wolves trying to eat a baby but they think the baby looks gross and sweaty and unappetizing and not the perfect delicious baby they were promised, so the leader wolf has to give them a pep talk about just going for it even though reality isn't living up to fantasy. It's SO stupid but every time I start doubting myself and feeling depressed about whatever I'm doing not being Perfect(™), I go, "Listen, Kris, there's never gonna be a perfect baby." I swear I say this at least 10 times a week.

The unofficial VOW Motto: All your threats should be actions.

I was a big fan of the show Inside the Actor’s Studio. Host James Lipton asked every single guest the same 10 concluding questions. I’ve picked 3 of them:

-What is your favorite word? Indelible. Ivory used that word and I immediately knew I needed to befriend them.

-What is your least favorite word? Squelch. >:C

-What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Herpetologist. Voice actress. Professional nuisance.

What would be your advice to anyone who wants to pursue a creative career?

This is mainly advice to myself but if you take something from it, all the better: Read widely. Don't create with the audience you are afraid of in mind— be that homophobes or people who are dead-set on reading the least charitable interpretation of your work. You don't get any better if you don't fuck up a whole lot. No one "makes" you an artist, that's something you have to own yourself, or otherwise you'll be published or whatever and still feel like you aren't real. Stop self-deprecating, it's much cooler and more interesting to pretend you are already great. Likewise everyone you think is "great" is actually Just Some Guy. Never underestimate the depth and breadth of bigotry. Anti-black racism, transphobia, homophobia, fatphobia, misogyny, all the isms, it's the dominant narrative, people in power profit hugely off of it and will never let it go willingly, and if you aren't actively paddling against it, you're often gonna get swept up into it.

Your peers, not your heroes, are the ones who are gonna save you.

[p1nkwitch]

@lonelyeyesweek

Day 1 - First Meeting

Peter was very reluctant to go to the Magnus institute funding party; uncle Nathaniel informed him that one of his new duties would be to make business with James Wright and he really didn't want to do that. A beholder… What a nightmare.

I would've stayed at home

'Cause I was doin' better alone

Peter was very reluctant to go to the Magnus institute funding party; uncle Nathaniel informed him that one of his new duties would be to make business with James Wright and he really didn't want to do that. A beholder… What a nightmare.

The party was unfortunately the most informal way to meet the man, otherwise he would be forced to enter a small room with the watcher to make sure he didn't dry up his family money for an indefinite amount of time.

So he was really dreading the moment he would be meeting this man, Simon kept telling him that James was an old friend and that it would be fine, that he was actually funny beneath all the politeness, however he wasn't so sure about that.

Due to Simon’s and his uncle’s influence he has a very loose idea of some boring old man, a type of academic with a nondescript look that he will forget as soon as he leaves.

With any luck he would just make his acquaintance today and then he may go from the party, Peter preferred to be at home instead of dilly dallying with the masses. As much as he likes to observe people, he likes it better when it's on his own terms and when he is not forced to be part of an event.

So he goes with very little hope for the night, the only positive is that he may get some free food and some alcohol, albeit champagne will not do much for him.

The moment Simon sees him, he zeroes on him and stays nearby talking about his trips to Europe. He also tells him about a few sacrifices he made that actually seemed rather interesting. Still Peter preferred the ones he committed at the ocean, but he knew the man was always more partial to the sky so its not surprising they are all on that vein.

“What about you Captain? You have a few voyages under your belt now lad, how did those go? Were they to your liking?” And the answer to that is a bit complicated, Peter is still getting used to handling a ship, his crew hasn't been properly trained yet to keep themselves in check so he has to… ugh make a few rules.

The other problem is that most of his crew is formed of older, more experienced sailors. Peter is 26 and unfortunately has a rather… soft looking face, he has been trying to grow a beard to at least make himself look a bit more rugged or older looking, but that will take time and he just has a five o’clock shadow for now. It will take him months to have anything resembling what he wants. The graying hair does work a bit better, that he can count for at least.

He is considering hiring someone to relay his messages to, so that way he can stay away most of the time and he can practice his solitude in peace. He really would love to not be perceived until he looks like he wants.

“Its ok, I still need to figure out a few things to be honest, I would love it if the crew was a bit less…”

“Talkative?”

“Friendly” Simon nods at him and pats his shoulder before going back to another story of a trip he made like 250 years ago. It is quite interesting, albeit Peter gets struck with how old the man is. Most of the time he can forget it, easy to do when Simon is so lively, but when he tells him these stories…. hard to ignore in all honesty.

Picking up an offered champagne glass he listens distractedly wondering when he will meet the man organizing this whole charade.

The older man talks to him but at some point his sentence drifts off and he looks behind him with a grin. A bit lost and now concerned, those grins never end up well for him, Peter turns back to check what exactly was his companion watching.

The answer comes to him like a hit to the face.

An older man talking and entertaining several people at the same time, Peter doesn't realize that he was gripping his glass very tightly until Simon waves and calls for the man over.

He wasn't boring looking like his uncle or very, very old like Simon. He must be in his fifties, he was dressed up impeccably with a black shirt that had his sleeves rolled out to his elbows, a deep green vest with golden details and dark green pants.

The man also has a pencil moustache and a few moles near his jaw, which made him stand out. He was also a bit shorter than him, but most people are so that doesn't surprise him.

The air of surety, of knowing he had made him feel bigger than he was however.

Peter swallows and feels his face warm up for reasons he can't comprehend.

When the man turns around towards Simon, he can see his eyes-

Grey.

Peter never looks anyone to their eyes and yet, and yet-

For a second it feels as if the man also froze looking at him, he had a look of….surprise almost?

But it was only for a second, the next thing Peter knows is that the man starts to approach them while he is struggling to not disappear in a puff of smoke. Oh, Forsaken protect him.

“Hello Simon” His voice is very low and amused, oh fuck.

“Hello James!! It's been a while hasn't it?” Ja-

James?

“You are James Wright?” Peter cuts off the man before he answers back to Simon and he realizes that he is an idiot, shit-

No wonder he was so eye-catching then.

…

For some reason James' lips twitch upwards as if he was trying not to smile at something. Peter has no way to know what is so funny.

“You must be Peter Lukas then? Nathaniel… told me about you, its a pleasure to meet you” Peter smiles his usual vapid smile to keep him from prying, he already feels exposed and kind of confused about the man. Better to make this quick and go.

“Yes, uncle mentioned you too, albeit he did not do you justice” ???? What the fuck is he doing, what is wrong with him??? Why did he say that??

Peter feels his hands sweat and his face warm up, he is praying he is not red in the face.

James looks perplexed and he feels Simon staring at him with the biggest grin ever as if he was having the time of his life which knowing him, he probably did, he loves drama after all.

“Is that so?” The man crosses his arms and Peter has to keep himself from staring at the flex of it he has to.

What the hell is wrong with him?

“Yes! He made you sound like a boring old man to be honest, but you are quite the opposite, you look very-” Peter spends a lot of time alone, meaning he doesn't properly talk with people. His usual mechanism of defense is to talk so much that everyone just lets him be.

That translates into him not having a filter, because of that he just says what is on his mind, even if he knows he shouldn't. In this case it is a shot in the foot and he has no idea why, why is he reacting like this? The man is-

Is just a bit good looking thats all!! No need to be so nervous.

“...Good” His face is burning, Peter knows he must be red all over.

He is an embarrassment to the family name, he has to go, he has to go now. How is he going to face him to do business oh shit-

James for his part seems to look at him with something akin to wonder an a bit of curiosity, while Simon-

Simon for his part is sighing mentally about his nephew’s taste in man. Very on brand for a Lukas, albeit Jonah seems to be quite taken aback.

Peter might look like Mordechai but they are not alike at all.

“Well thank you Mister Lukas”

“Peter is alright” Why won't he shut uppppp, what is wrong with him? This has never happened before, a little bit more and he will spontaneously combust.

James smiles at him and something in his chest squeezes. Is he dying? Is his heart giving out on him so soon?

“Well Peter, it was lovely meeting you. I can't wait to make business with you. I'm sure we will get along… very well”

“I can't wait” !!!!!! He wants to die.

Peter is going out to sea for the next 4 months just to get rid of whatever this is.

James grins at him and is about to leave, making him let out a breath of relief when he turns slightly.

“Say… I was going to ask Simon to drink with me after the party, in my office. Would you like to join us?” No!

“Sure” The man gives him a smug look and goes.

Simon pats his back.

“You need to get better at flirting, albeit i do believe you impressed him quite a bit, he usually ignores all the Lukas that come to make business with him”

“Im going to kill myself” He hates his life so much.

“Ah lad don't be like that, its just a few drinks, it doesn't have to go anywhere else”

Several years and flings with the man later. Peter is left with only grief at James sudden passing. They had something of a thing going on, not really labeled, since neither liked that. But the man suddenly broke things up and Peter in his anger left for months on end.

By the time he came back he found out James died and he had a new replacement.

Elias Bouchard.

He hates him on principle.

Peter is cold with him at every little meeting, speaks just as necessary and goes before the man even attempts to chat him up. At least he has his own loneliness, the only thing that truly lasts for him.

It sings out to him, like a siren song, it's easier to get lost on it, to just… become colder and harsher. What else should he do? It's not like Peter could ever love someone like that again.

Or want to.

“-ter, Peter!!”

“What do you want Mr Bouchard?” The younger man was glaring at him and it feels unfair, he should be the one glaring.

“I was asking you if you intend to stop being difficult and listen to me for once! I swear i get you lonely ones love playing at the grief stricken partner, but its been months already im getting tired of trying to talk to you like pulling teeth. Listen- i know i was kind of an ass, but really i needed to do the switch and i was worried a bit about people talking about some favouritism-” What the hell is he on about now??? Also how dare he!

“What- are you talking about? I'm not faking- what are you-!? Listen, I'm not up for games, let alone your games. I have better things to do than be your little entertainment, give me the papers to sign and I will be on my way, off of your life-” Elias gets up and slams his hands on the desk making him flinch.

“That attitude!! I don't want you out of my way!!! I said what I said as James because I was going to change bodies and people were talking about our relationship too much, it would look odd when I became Elias and we hooked up again!!”

Peter freezes.

“What- what do you mean became Elias?” The man who is not Elias??? Narrows his eyes and then suddenly looks surprised and confused.

“You don't know-”

“What do you-”

“How can you not know I told you- i-” Elias? Drifts off and looks to the empty room with a blank expression.

“I forgot to tell you”

“Um-”

“I thought i told you after- oh, oh fuck we ended up sleeping together after sacrificing that woman at the restaurant, i got distracted and-”

Peter starts to piece together a few things.

“James…?” Elias flops on his chair covering his face and doing a muffled scream into his hands.

“I can believe i forgot i got so excited that you let me tie you up that i completely forgot” Peter’s face burns.

“I-”

“Yes, yes it's me, I thought you were being difficult not that you- oh my god you actually were grieving me weren't you? You sap” His face turns smug, and it's so familiar-

The eyes-!

“Yes, those are really mine”

“You-!” Peter wants to punch him.

“Me?” Elias already closes his eyes expecting a punch. Yet he side steps the desk, comes closer and pulls him up to his feet by his tie.

“If you- you want to choke me-” He shuts him with a kiss. It takes a bit to register on the other’s mind because once he does he grips his hair and pulls them closer practically melting against him. Peter doesn't stop kissing him, cnat.

“You twat-” In between kisses he curses him out, he was making the rounds across his neck, decided that he was going to leave pretty little marks for everyone to see. Elias? James? Doesn't seem to mind much.

“Sorry-”

“You- fucking- bloody- ass!!” A bite close to the jugular has him moan a bit, Peter’s hands go to grip his thighs and the other catches his meaning because he lets him lift him up. He carries him to the small couch and drops him there with an ompf-

“Hey-” That he interrupts when he climbs on top of him and starts to kiss him again with a very clear intention in mind.

“Oh…” Yes, Peter is glad he can use forsaken to soundproof the room, he had no intentions to let the other be quiet.

Now that he is not upset, angry or… turned on, Peter lays his head on top of Elias' chest, while he explains the whole being Jonah Magnus, and thinks that he is very handsome.

Not in the same way as James was, no, but he was still very handsome.

“I was leaning more into pretty but unassuming, but thank you for the vote of confidence for the new body” What a smug prick.

“He is not…?”

“God no, only fragments or echos, the real Elias is very dead, its just me”

“Jonah?” Elias nods at his question.

“Basically”

“Huh” The shorter man’s hands play with his hair making him nuzzle his neck. He thinks about it for a bit, but decides to go for it, after all he has gotten this far anyways “Pleasure to meet you Jonah”

The other stays quiet for a bit.

“Pleasure to meet you Peter”

Their relationship is not conventional or normal by anyone's standards, but…

It works.

Somewhat.

“So… I got you so distracted you forgot to tell me huh?” Elias sighs.

“I can show you exactly how enticing you looked to me to make me forget, do not tempt me” Feeling his face heat up he tries to play it off.

“Maybe when we are in an actual bed and want to experiment a bit” Elias chuckles and then turns into a full blown laugh that makes him feel the rumble of it against his ear.

“I can't believe this, but i missed you” He hears Elias heart speed up while admitting that to him, it makes his face warm up.

Peter knows he missed him too, but he wont admit that, too out of character. So instead...

“Will take that with me, feels delicious”

“Oh hush, you already cannibalized yourself, don't be a prick”

Yes, he definetly missed this bastard and he will have so much fun re-aquitaining to him properly. They are closer in age now, Peter’s body is a bit older than Elias now, just 6 years, but it feels good.

This time people will give Elias looks instead of him, Peter’s gray hair and beard made him look older.

“You are impossible Peter”

“Stop reading my mind then” Elias sighs and kisses the top of his head hesitantly.

“Don't make it so easy then” Peter lets out a breath.

Prick.

"Never"

"Rude, what a rude person you are" Peter nuzzles him and that shuts him up.

Better.

[cierraonline]

S1EP5: OWNING MANHATTAN! SILLIE TIMELINE! SIREN REVEALS HER EYES!

1

"I'm working late 'cause I’m a singer." 

"Oh, he looks so cute wrapped around my finger."

2

"Are you cooking tonight?" 

"Do you only ever think about food?" 

"Yes."

3

"Who's your celebrity crush?" 

"Eminem." 

"Oh... I thought you were going to say me."

Rolling….

Whatever TF This Is Podcast 

Season 1 | Episode 5 

OWNING MANHATTAN! SILLIE TIMELINE! SIREN REVEALS HER EYES!

"Well, it's been a minute," Billie starts the podcast. "I know it's been like three weeks since you’ve last seen us, and we have a good reason."

"Not really," Siren shook her head.

"We’ve been in Europe for my mini press tour for Hit Me Hard and Soft, which was fun and way different than doing a press tour in the States."

"It’s less invasive," Siren clarifies. "I feel like European reporters ask appropriate questions, while American hosts and reporters ask inappropriate questions that are disguised as appropriate ones because Americans are obsessed with having to know every little detail about you, which is fucking weird."

"You guys! Literally after we left and went back to the hotel, Siren went on like an hour rant about the differences."

"Because it’s like, why are Americans like this?"

"Anyways, if you forgot who we are and what you are watching, I’m Billie Eilish, this is my beautiful soulmate Siren Vixen, and you’re watching 'Whatever the Fuck This Is Podcast,'" Billie does the infamous introduction of the podcast. "On the couch, we have Claudia and Finneas, and behind the camera, we have Rodrick."

"You guys were in Europe for only five days… what happened the other two weeks?" Claudia questions from the single chair.

"You see… what happened was," Billie trails, not spitting out the answer quick enough for Siren.

"We started watching Owning Manhattan on Netflix, and that just spiraled into a fixation on watching other real estate and home improvement shows," Siren chimes in.

"Is that why you guys haven’t been coming downstairs?" Rodrick questions.

"Yes."

"Ooh, I’ve been meaning to watch Owning Manhattan," Claudia shortly gasped. "Is it good?"

"It’s very problematic for no reason. It’s like if bad reality TV and the HGTV channel had a baby."

"Just know in this household we don’t like Jonathan or Chloe," Billie makes a disgusted look, just thinking about a few of the agents on the show.

"Are they that bad?"

"Jonathan is just a narcissist who thinks he's some god given gift who will bring young people into real estate, which he has the potential to do, but he just ruins it by being so fucking rude and exuding narcissistic energy," Siren was internally trying not to go on a full rant about the asshole.

"Oh my God!" Billie loudly groans. "I fucking hate him. He and this other irrelevant agent…"

"Jessica," Siren fills in the blank for Claudia.

"Those two dumbasses did a podcast with the company’s resources and basically talked shit about Savannah, who was an agent under apprenticeship. And when they were talked to about it and told they were fucking wrong which they righfully were, they made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. As if they didn’t just publicly embarrass someone in the company who is learning and wanting an opportunity to show her talents. But when Ryan said something to them it was 'that was not my intention' and 'I'm so sorry,' but they didn’t say it to Savannah, the person that was targeted. And then this jackass, Jonathan, was told to apologize to Savannah just for him to not even apologize and tell her she could learn from the situation… Are you dumb?" Billie ranted, getting red and annoyed in the face.

"Anyways…" Siren side-eyes her wife, seeing how worked up she was getting. "After we finished watching the series, we watched other shows, and it just somehow weirdly led us down the path of looking into what properties we want to buy and try to sell."

"So you guys are going to do real estate?" Finneas asked.

"Yes."

"No." Siren turns her head to the left to look at her partner. "We are not doing real estate."

"I think we would be good at it," Billie shrugs her shoulders. "We can be a real estate couple like Trish and her husband."

"No."

“Let’s change the subject before it turns into another fight,” Claudia interjects. “Give us the timeline of your relationship,” Claudia requested, leaning forward with curiosity.

“It’s not going to make sense,” Finneas said, shaking his head, knowing how the story unfolds after years of observation.

“Yes, it does,” Billie said, getting playfully defensive. “It’s a beautiful story, as a matter of fact.”

“But very confusing to the average person,” Siren agreed with her brother-in-law. “Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to have crushes or boyfriends because of Billie.”

“Because you’re mine,” Billie shrugged her shoulders possessively.

“Didn’t you have the biggest crush on Justin Bieber and three boyfriends before Siren?” Rodrick interjected, recalling the brunette’s dating past.

“So you see how messed up the situation was,” Siren laughed.

“One, we all knew I was never going to get with Justin, and two… no comment,” Billie said, shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

“You’ve always been possessive and obsessive about Siren, and I don’t think anyone knows where it comes from,” Finneas said, tilting his head with curiosity.

“Neither does our therapist,” Billie admitted, shaking her head. “I would say it all comes from this feeling that travels through my mind, heart, stomach, and other places I won’t mention in front of my brother…”

“Her pussy,” Siren said bluntly, not caring to filter herself.

“Anyways!” Billie exclaimed, blushing as everyone in the room laughed at her. “I just get this Joe Goldberg feeling when it comes to Siren. I’ve always had this deep need and dependency to know every thought, emotion, move, and decision Siren makes. It’s psychotic, but I mentally and physically justified it.”

“And that’s where the clinginess comes from,” Siren concluded.

“I lowkey don’t like when you say that because it makes me feel like it’s not reciprocated. As if you aren’t as clingy as me,” Billie pouted.

“Your habits when it comes to me caused you to be clingy. Conditioning caused me to be clingy,” Siren differentiated for her wife. “And these are the words coming from our therapist.”

“Whatever, I’m happy just the way I am,” Billie rolled her eyes. “Here’s the timeline of our relationship,” she said, looking to Claudia and transitioning back to the original question.

~~~

**YEAR 2001**

“Billie, you have to stop crying. There is nothing wrong,” Maggie cooed at her newborn baby girl as the newly-formed family of four sat out in the front yard having a picnic.

“Do you want your rabbit, Billie?” A three-year-old Finneas tried to soothe his baby sister, holding up her stuffed brown rabbit. But this only made her wails louder.

“Maybe she’s just fussy,” Patrick suggested.

“Patrick, it’s been two hours,” Maggie looked at her husband with concern. “I’m surprised she hasn’t passed out yet.”

A few feet away, Enzo came running, carrying a six-month-old Siren towards the small family. “Hey Maggie, Patrick! My sitter canceled on me. Do you think you can watch Siren for an hour so I can pick up Travis from his play date and go grocery shopping, and head to my surrogate for a breast milk restock?”

“Enzo… breathe,” Patrick O’Connell, the 44-year-old father, guided the frazzled 25-year-old, standing up and gently taking hold of a giggly baby Siren. “We got her, you go do what you have to do.”

“Thank you so much, I owe you guys,” Enzo smiled with appreciation as he was a single father navigating parenthood alone.

“You don’t owe us anything, Enzo,” Maggie shook her head. “It takes a village to raise kids, and we are your village as you are ours.” She offered a gentle smile while still rocking a fussy baby.

“I know,” The Italian man took a deep breath. “I appreciate all the help you’ve done for me and my family. I’ll be back in an hour, and after that, I’ll help you with the fence, Patrick.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal,” Patrick smiled warmly. The Vixen father turned and ran to his car, leaving his baby girl with the people he trusted more than anything in the world. “Siren, do you want to meet someone new?” Patrick headed back to his spot.

“Meet the newest addition to the village, Billie Eilish Pirate O’Connell,” Maggie leaned over, showing the six-month-old the newborn. Like magic, blue eyes met blue and green eyes, and silence followed. “She stopped,” Maggie smiled, then went back to a comfortable position, only for Billie to wail once she lost eye contact with Siren.

“I think we just found a solution to the wailing,” Patrick chuckled.

“What?” Maggie furrowed her eyebrows.

“Siren,” Patrick said, holding the baby near Billie, and as predicted, the wailing stopped.

“Love at first sight, don’t you think?” Maggie smiled.

“Mama,” Finneas crawled closer to his mother and the two girls. “They have the same eyes,” he pointed out.

“You are absolutely right, Finneas,” Maggie smiled down at her son, then turned to look at the two girls’ eyes.

~~~

“Wait, you have two different eye colors!?” Rodrick and Claudia exclaimed simultaneously.

“You guys didn’t know that?” Finneas asked, his face scrunched up in confusion.

“No!” they replied.

“I honestly thought they were brown,” Claudia said, revealing her shock.

“And you always wear contacts around me,” Rodrick added.

“Wait, so you and Billie have the exact same eye color?” Claudia asked for clarification.

“Yeah,” Siren said in a ‘duh’ tone. “What do you guys think I mean when I say T’Challa is my biological kid?” She mentioned her pride and joy, a black Maine Coon cat that had her exact eye colors.

“I just thought you were one of those strange cat ladies,” Rodrick shrugged.

“Can we see your eyes?” Claudia asked with fascination.

“Okay,” Siren shrugged, taking out her white-out contacts and revealing her natural eyes.

“Awww,” everyone gasped in awe.

“Your eyes are so beautiful,” Rodrick gushed, looking at his best friend’s eyes.

“The right eye is literally a duplicate of Billie’s. That’s crazy,” Claudia said. “Your eye is literally proof that you guys are soulmates.”

“I can’t believe you guys thought her eyes were brown,” Finneas laughed. “Literally no one in the Vixen family has brown eyes.”

“Well, I just assumed her surrogate would have brown eyes, so she inherited that. Plus, let’s not act like brown isn’t a dominant eye color,” Claudia tried to justify her reasoning.

“Did we forget I have a pigment mutation?” Siren looked at Claudia like she was dumb. “Brown eyes mean more melanin, but with my mutation, I only have melanin in my skin and no pigment in my hair, body hair, or eyes. But at the same time, green is the brown eyes for blue, therefore one of my eyes is green.”

“Wait!” Rodrick exclaimed but didn’t say anything else as he pieced together the information in his head. “Your hair is naturally paper white? I thought you were just bleaching it.” This caused different reactions. Finneas burst into laughter, Billie looked at him with actual concern, and Siren was just over it.

“Stop talking to me.”

“I guess I will be finishing my storytime later since that’s all the time we have for today,” Billie said, still looking at Rodrick with concern. “Claudia?”

“Wait, before you start with the recap, I think you should have a theme song for it,” Finneas suggested, waving his right hand as he tried to calm down from his laughter.

“Is that you offering?” Siren turned to him.

“Yeah, why not?” He shrugged his shoulders.

“On today’s episode of ‘Whatever the Fuck This Is’ Podcast, we learn that the reason why you haven’t seen an update in three weeks is because Billie and Siren have been fixating on real estate shows. Will they go into real estate themselves?… Probably not. Shoutout to all the Sillie fans out there who asked for the timeline of the two… which Billie did not fully answer with her storytime.”

“Maybe because I was interrupted because you guys didn’t know Siren’s real eye colors.”

“In surprising news, Siren did an eye reveal showing the actual colors of her eyes and if you missed it, they’re not brown like the average person would assume. Finneas and I think they are beautiful and should be shown off more. And lastly, we found out Rodrick is a dumbass.”

“You all act like you didn’t know that already.”

“Right.”

“I’m Billie.”

“I’m Siren.”

“I’m Finneas.”

“I’m Claudia.”

“I’m Rodrick.”

“And that is it for today’s video. See you next week with another 'Whatever the Fuck This Is’ Podcast.”

| welcome to the book I write & edit when high |

[notagamersdey]

The Dream

Painting by: Henri Rousseau

Photo (2021) and Story By Tyler D. Ortiz

Rating: T

Word Count: 2k~

Warnings: bad language, panic attacks

A/N: So this story is inspired by the Pedro Pascal episode of the podcast Talk Art (31:14-34:15). Go check that out if you want to hear some fun stories by the hosts and pp.

Summary: Matias, after losing his chance to act in a popular TV show, is taken to the Museum of Modern Art by his sister where he realizes he has nothing to lose.

~~~

Today, I’m supposed to meet my sister Lyanna here at East Village Pizza. She said it was a special treat for getting my first “big” role on Law & Order. When I told her the news, she had jumped up for joy, squealing my ear off. It wasn’t a big deal, just another job for the bills, but she was adamant that this job was a life changer. She’s says that about every job.

I came to the pizza parlor early, grabbing my favorite seat in front of the window. We normally sat here when we came because it gave us the perfect view of cold, angry New Yorkers. I had ordered our pizza, waiting for her to arrive when my phone starts to buzz.

I open it up and put it against my ear, holding it with my shoulder, “This is Matias.”

“Matias, I'm sorry to tell you…” Fuck, “…but we’ve decided to go in a different direction...” It’s the fucking casting director, droning on, saying those same fucking words, “You have wonderful talent.,” “You didn’t fit the director's vision.,” etcetera. Etcetera. ETCETERA. It's all movie-talk for “You weren't good enough.”

Grabbing the scruff behind my neck, I slammed my phone shut and stuffing it into my jacket pocket. What the hell was I going to do now? Three hundred bucks – gone in an instant.

“Here’s your order, Sir,” A waiter places the small pizza in front of me, and you know, today was one of the rare days I was able to scrounge enough money to afford the luxury of a decent slice of pizza, and now I can’t even enjoy it.

“God dammit,” It’s moments like these when memories of my father came hit me like a freight train. He used to berate me about goals and aspirations, telling me, “It’s never going to happen, Matias,” and “It’s not a job. You won’t get anywhere with that.” In high school, I used to constantly fight with him, telling him my dreams were achievable. That I would succeed as an actor. He would laugh in my face; tell me they were unobtainable. I mean... Maybe he was right.

Now, I’m living in one of the most expensive cities with over 300,000 dollars in debt, 40 bucks to my name, and a dead-beat waiter job at Planet Hollywood that barely pays for food let alone the bills. I have no back-up plan, no emergency fund. I just had my bachelor's degree in acting, which won't pay for shit.

I shake my head. My neck and back start to ache, an oncoming migraine sitting on my temples.

Matias, the fuck do you want to do that for?

Matias, you’re not good enough.

Matias, you will always be alone.

I stand to leave, throwing the untouched pizza in the trash on my way out the door. The cold winter air bites at my nose when I step outside. I pull my scarf up closer to my neck and make my way down East 9th Street.

Leaving the restaurant doesn’t help. Hopelessness rushes over me like a tsunami. The texture of the wool sweater underneath my jacket scratched annoyingly at the exposed skin on my wrists. It’s a cold wintery day but I feel incredibly hot underneath the layers. A nervous sweat builds underneath my beanie. Everyone’s staring, I know it. They know I've failed yet again. They know I’m just a naïve child.

His voice repeats in my head like a tornado siren, yelling, screaming at me, “You will not survive.”

You will not make an income.

You will not have healthcare.

You are setting yourself up for failure.

…You will die- My phone starts to buzz again. I really want to fucking ignore it but if it’s Lyanna, she’d have every cop in the city on my ass within the hour.

“Hey.” I cough, trying to clear my throat. Act normal.

“Mat! I’m sorry I’m late, I’m-” She sounds like she’s running.

“Actually, Sis, I left…” I stop in the middle of the pavement, getting shoved and cursed at by the impetuous crowd around me.

“What? Why?” Her concerned voice seeps through the phone. Suddenly, heat shoots up my back. She’s going to be upset.

I move off to the side, leaning up against a wall of graffiti, “I didn’t get the job after all.”

I hear her let out a breath, “Different direction?” She asks, knowingly.

I nod, “Yea... said I could act the part, but I didn’t fit the type of Latino they were going for... whatever the hell that means.” I spit out, bitterly.

“Means they’re bigoted.” I can hear the annoyed twinge in her voice.

“Yea... probably...” Lyanna stays quiet. “Hey... So, I’m not really up for doing anything... Can we just go home?”

“Umm...” She hums, clicking her tongue, “No.”

“Lyanna...” Please.

“No, no, I’m serious, I know you. Once you get home you're going to sulk in your room for days. Let's bypass the self-pity and go have fun. Take your mind off it.”

I’m silent for a moment, feeling my anxiety subside as I focus on her words, “What do I get if your wrong?”

“A fresh slice of cheese pizza to replace the one you probably threw away...” She laughs, “Now, how ‘bout MoMA?”

“Sure… MoMA sounds good.”

I’ve always found it difficult to find the Museum of Modern Art. The only way anyone would be able to tell where this museum was is with the three bright red banners hanging off the side of the building holding their acronym in an even darker shade of red. This was basically every building in New York so, of course, I pass right by it. Lyanna managed to catch me before I got too far. She runs up to me and immediately linked her arm into mine.

“Hey stranger, took you long enough.” She greats, warmly.

“You know how it is.”

“Oh common, where’s that smile? We are celebrating!” She starts to pull me into the museum, warm air painting my face when she opens one of the doors.

“Celebrating a failure.”

“Celebrating life.”

We walk in and are bombarded with hordes of people packed in front of every corner of the room. It's as if every single person visiting New York had decided that they would all collectively visit the museum on this specific day. Maybe they were having an event. People of all shapes and sizes were packed in front of each art piece, creating a thick barrier preventing outsiders from looking in on their beauty. In the corner of the room is a balloon man handing out replicas of Jeff Koon’s Balloon Dog to children. I clench my teeth at the disgusting sound of rubber and latex rubbing together. I feel a hot prickling in my neck at the sight of a child squeezing the neck of their bright metallic green Balloon Dog, another child on the edge of crying as she violently hit her blue Balloon Dog onto her stroller seat.

Someone bumps into me. I feel myself tense up. Don’t touch me. I take my arms away from Lyanna, hiding them in my pockets. Lyanna looks up at me, “Hey, are you okay?”

Fuck no,“Yes.”

“You sure? You seem tense,” she raises her eyebrow.

“No. No... I'm good... There’s just.” Act normal, “A lot of people.”

“Well, if you’re sure...” Everyone is breathing my air - of course I’m not sure. “You wanna start off this way then make our way around?” she asks pointing to her left. I nod.

She guides me to the fifth floor, to our first painting. Shes pushing through the crowds so we could get a closer look. It’s a dark painting with a black, shadowy silhouette of an elephant trudging on an upwards incline. The air around him grey, as if he was pushing through a sandstorm. He is struggling to get to wherever he was headed. I’m suddenly pushed closer to the struggling elephant. Lyanna snaps at someone behind me. A balloon pop’s. A child's scream echo around the room. The dark clouds surrounding the elephant fill my edge of my vision as my eyes zoom into the lonely elephant. My throat begins to close. My heart hurts. A voice in my head whispers “You’re dying. You’re dying.” in a joyous chant. I try to breathe but nothing can get through. My hands prickle. My chest stutters. The elephant fades. Only the shadowing and silhouettes of people fill my vision. I still feel the pain in my throat, as I try to breath in air.

Lyanna speaks but her voice is muffled. The darkness that had overtaken my vision slowly fades away. I sit up straight, feeling the soft leather beneath me, becoming aware of my surroundings. We are in different exhibit. It's completely empty. I shift, feeling the leather bench beneath my finger tips. The silence is soothing.

“You feeling better?” Lyanna sits next to me with a cup of water in her hands, causing the leather beneath creaked.

I close my eyes. God. She grabs at my hand but I pull away. Please go away. I can feel her eyes burning into my soul. It’s unbearable. I turn away from her. Please go away. She grips at the cup tightly. The crunch of the cup is excruciating.

“Matias.” She attempts to grab my hand again. I see it coming from a mile away. Like in slow motion. The closer she got, the more I dreaded the contact.

“Fuck! Stop! Can you please just give me a God damn minute?” I stand up trying to get away.

“What is happening?” She’s mad. You’ve ruined everything.

“I don’t want to be fucking touched, Lyanna. Just stop. Stop everything. Leave me alone.” I’m staring at the floor. If I look at her, I’m going to lose it. Shameful. Embarrassing.

“I’m only trying to help.” You’re an embarrassment.

“You’re not!” She’s going to never going to forgive you.

“Okay…” She stands slowly, “Let’s relax for a moment… I’ll be back in a few minutes… Just text me if you need anything.” I don’t say anything while she walks away, the sound of her shoes fading. I sit back down onto the chair, head in my hands.

I take a few deep breaths, focusing on the ground beneath me. The floor is smooth, my hair is soft and messy, the pressure of my elbows on my knees grow. My eyes leave the floor only to be met with a flood of green. A naked woman waking up on a large red couch in the middle of a jungle. Light green paints the leaves towards the bottom of the canvas and becomes darker going up towards the sky. The bright flowers burst up in different directions as the moon peaks through the canopy. The woman is surrounded by hidden animals. I spot a few hidden tigers, a white bird on the top left, a person hidden in the shadows playing an instrument, a few monkeys in the trees and an elephant beyond the trees staring back at me. It was a paradise. So sure of herself, she sits there facing away from me as if she has nothing to lose. She sits unafraid of the world around her.

I can’t relate. I’ll never get my chance. I’ll never not be afraid. I continue to stare at her, trying to understand what she may have done differently. Maybe she kept going. Maybe she stopped caring. Or maybe someone gave her a chance. Whatever she did must’ve worked because she continues to sit as if she has nothing left to lose –

“Henri Rousseau’s The Dream,” I jump. Lyanna stands on my right, staring at the painting with a hand on her hip, “Most people hate this painting.”

“I don’t see why…”

“Eh… Everybody has their own opinions…” She approaches cautiously, “Do you feel any better?”

I nod. “S-sorry,” I look back to the painting, “I just needed a moment to myself.”

“Don’t apologize… I should’ve… I don’t know, been more mindful, I guess.” She sits down next to me. I can see her hesitate before she puts a hand on my shoulder, “Are you going to be okay?”

I don’t answer at first. I look back at the painting. The Dream she called it. Maybe, this was the woman’s dream. Maybe she is like me. Our chances will arise. She strives towards her peace with nature around her as I strive for success in the asphalt jungle. Just as she has nothing left to lose, I, too, have nothing to lose. We are the same.

“Yea… I think I will be.”

~~~

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think! Let me know if I missed a tag or a warning.

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Till Next Time!

-Dey

[ddagent]

Hiii! I'm so in love with the podcast verse. Can I formally request another bit about them, in case you were planning to continue their shenanigans? Thank you!

Prompt #95, here we go! I hope you enjoy.

B: Today’s episode of The Bear and the Poorly Written Maiden is sponsored by Blackwater Brewery.

J: What have I got to do—

B: —just read that bit out.

J: Who wrote this?

B: Bronn did. Just read it out.

J: We don’t need sponsors.

B: Yes we do, Jay. Your ancestor may have had a golden hand, but you don’t have two gold dragons to rub together and neither do I. Buying all these books costs money, as does the equipment, as does the wine necessary to forget some of the things we’ve read. So just read it.

J: Fine. For you. Today’s episode of The Bear and the Poorly Written Maiden is sponsored by Blackwater Brewery. Made in King’s Landing, this beer is good. Tastes good enough, not that any of the rich...people who live in King’s Landing could tell the difference. Get a free case at blackwaterbrewery.com, using the voucher code golden cunt. Fucking Bronn.

B: Probably should have mentioned that this podcast contains strong language from the outset, literary violence, and explicit sexual content.

(tourney horn plays)

J: Well, listeners, welcome to another episode of The Bear and the Poorly Written Maiden. Last week we began reading a paperback Bee picked up during a visit to Estermont with Papa Bee: The Wedding at Dragonstone. Bee, why don’t you describe the cover.

B: Oh Gods, alright. So it’s a dark blue—

J: —one would almost say Tarth blue—

B: —cover, with what I assume to be Goldenhand and Ser Blue in a passionate embrace. He’s shirtless, and standing behind her. She’s in a white gown, with a red cloak, and there looks to be lions head broaches on her shoulders. 

J: The dress is also gathered up towards her thigh revealing a lot of leg. 

B: She’s got her neck tilted back towards him, as if Ser Blue was ever shorter than Goldenhand. And they both look very...happy. 

J: They’re on the brink of orgasm.

B: Sure.

J: So, The Wedding at Dragonstone is one of the many historical fiction novels set after the Long Night. It features the wedding between Queen Daenerys Stormborn and King Jon of the South. I’ve actually just led a module on Queen Daenerys—

B: —which you received complaints about in the student feedback forms. 

J: It is our duty as historians to question these figures and their decisions. 

B: You argued that if Goldenhand had had breakfast after the Sack of Highgarden, he would have been able to kill one of her dragons. 

J: I truly believe his blood sugar was low that day. 

(Bee laughs)

B: You are utterly ridiculous.

J: And yet, you’re still spending time with me. 

B: (deep sigh) Yes, I am. Back to the book: as we discussed in the last episode, there is no historical basis for this marriage. Whilst there are documented accounts of a relationship between them before the Long Night, Queen Daenerys Stormborn became Queen Daenerys of Valyria and remained across the sea until her death. 

J: So The Wedding at Dragonstone never happened. Our interest, however, is how accurate it is as an alternate history. 

B: Last chapter, Goldenhand and Ser Blue arrived at Dragonstone after—

J: —having sex in the bowels of the ship, as loud as a siren’s song. 

B: Oh, Gods.

J: And now they’ve been taken to their rooms, where they’re alone once again.

B: I read last week, so it’s your turn. 

J: With pleasure. Chapter II: The Ties That Bind. After they had been escorted to their chambers for the duration of the wedding, Goldenhand summoned wine and bread to sate his hunger and thirst. His lust would be satisfied with his betrothed, who had placed herself at the window to stare out at the unyielding sea. In two days time, King Jon would take the Dragon Queen’s—right, I’ve just read ahead, and clearly, they haven’t done their research. 

B: She was married to a Khal, wasn’t she.

J: She was, and to someone else in Meereen. King Jon has nothing to take on his wedding night, other than pleasure in his new bride, of course. 

B: Of course. 

J: King Jon would take the Dragon Queen’s innocence (Jay laughs) upon the snow-white sheets. In time, he and Ser Blue would also face a bedding ceremony. Only he had claimed her maidenhead many moons before, and would do so again before they returned to their ship for home. That’s not how biology works. 

B: Do you remember Cee’s module on the prevalence of the virginity myth in ancient Westerosi culture? I really want to send every author we read a copy of her paper. 

J: We really would need sponsors, then. The postage alone...

B: Just keep reading.

J: (adopts a low voice) “Ser Blue, is my lady well?”

B: (laughs) What was that?

J: I’m doing the voices.

B: We’re not babysitting your niece and nephew. 

J: You like my voices when we read Rhaegal the Friendless Dragon.

B: Fine, but if we get complaints from our listeners, that’s on you.

J: Okay. (low voice) “Ser Blue, is my lady well?” (high-pitched voice) “Of course, my golden lion!”

B: (splutters) She does not sound like that!

J: If you want to read this chapter, be my guest. But when I read, I’m doing the voices. (low voice) “Well, then come from the window, my Sweetling. My appetite grows dangerous, and I wish to feast upon your cunt.” 

B: Surely he can wait for the bread and wine. 

J: He’s a hungry man. (high-pitched voice) “I wish to aid you in your feast, my lion. Lie upon the bed, let me bring your plate to you.” What the fuck.

B: I’m really worried what she’s going to do. 

J: Does the potential for cannibalism make this book more or less interesting? (sighs) Goldenhand stripped himself of his tunic and breeches, made with loose stitches so he could remove them himself. Has Jeyne Swann invented velcro centuries earlier than thought?

B: It’s like he’s a stripper. 

J: He then settled himself atop the bed, his golden hand caressing the hand line of his turgid length. Where did this come from, that his golden hand was large enough to fit his penis in?

B: You should do a paper, present it at the conference in two months. 

J: ‘The Inaccurate Representation of Goldenhand the Just’s Metal Appendage’. Can you imagine Doctor Barath—”

B: Jay.

J: Doctor Antlers would burst a blood vessel. 

B: Just keep reading. I’m mildly interested to see if the poor writing continues to allude to Goldenhand actually eating his betrothed. 

J: He’s going to need something to wipe his mouth, whatever happens. 

B: You’re disgusting. 

J: Don’t knock the experience until you’ve tried it, Bee. On either side of the equation. 

(tourney horn plays)