#i'm learning so much today thank you straight women

[gideonisms]

straight women are so fascinating to me I want to study them under a microscope. Today this girl on instagram said she loves the first few weeks with a guy when he makes her feel so feminine but after that he "turns her into her dad" and other women were in the comments agreeing. I have to admit that I'd previously assumed very few people would ever want to be treated like they were feminine but I'm listening and learning

[myfandomrealitea]

okay, so- this is coming from someone who really hasn't engaged in fandom discourse, especially regarding shipping and such. I dearly hope this doesn't come across as bait or troll, I'm genuinely curious and want to learn. apologies for the possibly-dumb question, but I really just need to ask-

what is proshipping? and what are 'antis'?

you know how it is, when you ask around you always get a biased answer one way or another. "proshippers are pedos" "proshippers all condone incest" "proship Bad and if you interact You Are Bad" (i think these are 'anti' points of view? am i using that term right? that's the rhetoric ive mainly heard). but despite all of that, i don't know if ive ever actually gotten a straight answer as to just.. what it factually is. because it doesn't feel like the sort of thing that you can boil down to insults or accusations or whatnot. it's all just very confusing to me, especially because i come from a place that essentially just told me to avoid like the plague and never look back. sorry, this became a bit of a ramble, lol. thank you so much in advance, i hope i'm not being a bother or insulting with this ^^;

The modern term; 'proship' (s.a; 'proshipping' and 'profiction') is an evolution of an earlier fandom acronym known as: 'SALS.'

Ship And Let Ship

SALS was one of the earliest fandom adoptions and interpretations of the concept of not bullying others for what they shipped or their fandom interests, and not trying to control or dictate what was "allowed" to be shipped or enjoyed. The most notable origin of SALS was during the early years of accessible fandom via Star Trek, and the present homophobia and misogyny in a largely male-dominated community.

As woman became more involved in fandom spaces, the presence of 'other' ships and pairings began to increase. M/M, F/F that wasn't purely for sexual gratification, and M/O and F/O (where 'O' is Other) pairings were popular amongst women, much as they still are today.

Not only did the presence of women in a "male space" receive a not insignificantly negative reaction, so too did them filling the fandom space with their shipping content. Now; sexism and misogyny and homophobia were not entirely to blame. Again as is still very much present today, people simply Did Not Like Certain Ships or Characters. And as they still do today, they'd spread hate about them and to the people who did enjoy them.

Thus: the birth of SALS.

(In other words: I like what I like and it has fuck all to do with you. Shut up and move on.)

Back then, SALS was mostly contained to just that. Ships and characters. Since back in that era 'taboo topics' and 'sexual content' were still pretty covert, people weren't exactly arguing the merits of incest in public forums and at conventions.

However, as all things do, the internet evolved. Society evolved. Media evolved. And so too did 'SALS' evolve in keeping with the new culture and subjects present in fandom spaces.

Suddenly it wasn't just ships and characters to be advocated for. It was themes. Subjects. Kinks. Plots. The more things people found to enjoy, so too did the more things people found to hate.

'Proship' is actually grammatically pro-ship. As in; in support of shipping. This is why I always state that the modern conceptions of proshipping would more accurately be coined profiction. It is no longer just about ships, but fiction as a whole.

However; the core value and sole inherent point of being proship, SALS, profiction and so forth remains exactly the same:

[I/We] believe you have no right to harm others over the [ship/content] they create or consume and [I/we] do not have the right to dictate what is or is not allowed in fandom spaces.

That's it. Don't harass people for what they enjoy fictionally. Don't try to force them into not enjoying or being able to enjoy it.

Of course, the modern adaption varies wildly in terms of 'additional values' thanks to the evolution of the term and what it can encompass. However, there is certainly no obligation to:

Create or consume content you are uncomfortable with.

Create or consume content regarded as 'taboo' or 'triggering.' Such as incest.

Be involved with any aforementioned content beyond turning a blind eye if its not your thing.

Inherently, anyone who says they're 'neutral' on the matter but firmly believes in minding their own business is just a proshipper refusing to use the label if you're taking the term solely at its core value.

In terms of 'antis' they're just the antithesis of the above. Antis are people who generally believe that fiction is irrevocably tied in with who you are, what you believe/condone, and that real-life limitations and values should also apply to fiction.

Although, its is heavy debated and it wildly varies per individual to the degree this is taken.

(E.g: some 'antis' believe you should only write rape fic if you are a victim using it as catharsis or education. Other 'antis' believe there's absolutely no excuse or reason to write rape fic at all.)

Antis typically believe that enjoyment or being invested in content which is regarded as harmful or illegal in real life is morally unsound and reflects that you're a bad or morally unsound person.

Although I disagree, I can honestly say in some aspects I do understand this reasoning. I don't agree, but I do understand why people may come to that conclusion.

As with proshippers, antis vary from people who simply ignore and block content they don't agree with to radicals.

'Anti' is again a prefix. Although modern adoption of the term uses it as a singular signifier, it would grammatically be anti-[fandom], anti-[character], ect. As was commonly used in the past.

The rhetoric that all proshippers are pedophiles or support incest is common-spread and effective 'anti' propaganda. Similar to how so many people believe 'proship' inherently signifies that you must create and/or consume taboo or darker content.

It doesn't.

¹ Proship may also be accurately termed as simply: 'anti-harassment.' ² Its important to note the 'definition' of these terms may vary wildly depending on the individual. However, detailed above is the most historical use and evolution of the terms and their definitions.

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters' Favorite Fast Food Restaurants

As requested by @sharks-musket :)

I've done food-related Cosmere posts in the past, such as "Rock reviews food from across the Cosmere" or "Cosmere characters review food not native to their planet" or "What Cosmere characters would order at Subway".

But for today, let's consider what characters' favorite fast food restaurants would be, if such things existed in their universe.

1. Shallan: Five Guys

I cannot possibly improve on the joke that @epicmilly has already made: https://www.tumblr.com/epicmilly/762060066847424512/could-you-do-cosmere-characters-try-fast-food?source=share

2. Marasi: Dairy Queen

Steris: I cannot believe you still eat here. Steris: Multiple people have gotten food poisoning from the food! Marasi (looking up from the Blizzard she is going to town on): They have food here?

3. Kelsier: In-N-Out

Kelsier: I'm not gonna lie. I'm a sucker for any restaurant with a secret menu. Dockson: It's straight-up published these days, though. Kelsier: Well sure. There's no point to a secret that never gets out!

4. Hrathen: In-N-Out

Hrathen: I don't know how effective it is, but I appreciate that this restaurant prints verses from its holy text onto its packaging. Hrathen: I mean, it's the wrong holy text, but... Hrathen: [looks over to where Dilaf is standing on a table, ranting loudly] Hrathen: Some people take that more personally than others.

5. Lift: Sonic

Lift: They got tons of milkshakes, which is fun. Lift: But mostly I like all the carhops who glide around all graceful like! Lift: I haven't seen even ONE scooting around on their butt! Lift: That's how you KNOW it's a stormin' quality place.

6. Adolin: Wendy's

Adolin: I support redheaded women in business! Shallan: ... Shallan: That should sound so cheesy, but somehow it works when you say it.

7. Steris: Arby's

Steris: I think more restaurants should have slogans that simply state what food they have. Steris: "I'm loving it"? Presumptuous. "Have it your way"? Yes, that is how restaurants work. "Quality is our recipe"? That is not how recipes work. Steris: But "We have the meats"? Now THAT'S a slogan that tells you something about a place! Steris: ... Steris: What do you think? That's my Arby's routine. Wax: I think it's going to be a hit at the party!

8. Lopen: Taco Bell

Lopen: Not as good as chouta, but they have their own type of wrapped meats that are pretty good! Lopen: Best eaten drunk, if we're being honest.

9. Vin: KFC

Vin: You can get a BUCKET of chicken. Vin: It's a great food to chow down on while you're sitting perched on a roof in the darkness. Elend: I love you so much.

10. Wayne: Subway

Wayne: I order my accountants to eat there at least once a week to learn their business practices. Wayne: They made their $5 sandwich $14 for no reason! Wayne: That's the kinda business sense I wanna see in my guys. Daring: Great news! Your "This Sandwich Is Overprice Don't Buy It" campaign was a huge success! Call: People thought it was hilarious. They're selling like, well, like your overpriced sandwiches (since nothing is selling better). Wayne: Harmony DAMN IT!

11. Nightblood: McDonald's

Nightblood: I like how focused this restaurant is on slaying evil! Nightblood: There's the evil clown, the evil burglar guy, the evil purple guy, the evil guy with a burger for a head... Nightblood: They really promote lots of characters that need to be slain! Szeth: ...I sometimes doubt your ability to detect evil, Sword-nimi, but in this case, I know you are correct. Nightblood: Thanks! Nightblood: Wait, what was that first part?

12. Kaladin: Burger King

Kaladin: A lot of these restaurants have weird stuff, like a "Big Mac" or a "Prezel Baconator" or a "Doritos Locos Tacos." Kaladin: I like this place because it has "fiery chicken fries." Kaladin: Spicy. Made of a recognizable animal like a chicken. Fried. Kaladin: It all makes sense. It's all clear. Syl: [making her face look like the chicken on the box] Syl: This chicken sure is angry! Kaladin: It probably didn't want to be fried.

13. Dalinar: Burger King

Dalinar: The Way of Kings changed my life, and I feel that this restaurant, The Burger of Kings, will surely do the same. Adolin (in the tones of someone saying this for the umpteenth time): It's called Burger King. Dalinar (ignoring him): Already I ponder the deep philosophical implications of "Have It Your Way," which forces one to consider how every individual person has their own "way," their own journey, and must accept it. Adolin: Yes...I'm sure that's exactly what they were going for. Dalinar (peacefully munching fries): You doubted my visions at first, too.

[imtryingbuck]

Painting

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC!Theo

Summary: Bucky has to marry a woman who surprises him more and more as their story goes along.

Word count: 1,514

Warnings: buckys a dickhead in this. Wanda and Theo's friendship starts to blossom, swearing, mentions of being made to have sex with someone.

Translations: дорогой - sweetheart

Masterlist   Series Masterlist

The next day Wanda strolls into the kitchen where Bucky was sitting at the kitchen counter, she smiles softy at him.

"Morning Buck"

"Morning. Hey how was yesterday with Theo?"

"Jumping straight into it?" She chuckles whilst shaking the strawberry milkshake "I'm going to go to the craft store today to get some paints and things so me and Theo can learn how to paint"

"Paint?"

"Yeah it's going to be fun! Also Buck, um I'm going to be teaching her how to read"

"She doesn't know how to?"

"No, but like I said I'm going to teach her" she smiles.

"Did you find anything else out?"

"She's really good with numbers, she likes the colour yellow, the only film she's ever seen was The Great Escape, nothing much else and oh her laugh is so cute".

Bucky's heart sank.

"Yo-she laughed?"

"Yeah, but she looked terrified after though"

"I-oh. I'm going to take the day off tomorrow to spend the day with her"

"That would be great Buck, hey listen just remember to go slow with her".

"I know, I know. Will you be taking Theo with you to the store?"

"I wasn't planning on doing that but if you want me too I can”

Bucky thought about it and decided that it might be good for Theo to get some fresh air "yeah take her with you but Wanda I want you to double up security alright"

"Yes boss"

Telling Theo that she was allowed to go to the store with Wanda made the redhead smile at how excited Theo's eyes were.

At the store Wanda let Theo push the cart, said cart was getting fuller and fuller as the pair made their way down the aisles; a rainbow of paints, brushes in all sizes, paper, canvases big and small, everything really that Wanda could get her hands on went inside the cart.

"I think that's everything don't you?" She says watching as Theo nods.

After paying they work as a team loading everything into the boot of the car and Wanda drove them back home.

Not even an hour later they were covered in paint.

Wanda loved the look of pure happiness on Theo's face, the look of freedom as she painted.

"I-I don't think I'm very good at it"

"Neither am I but it's okay we're just having fun it doesn't matter if it's good or not" Wanda smiles to her.

"I really like yours"

"I really like yours too, the colours-" Wanda's interrupted by a knock on the door. "Come in"

The door opens revealing Bucky, he smiles at both of the women. "Hey, you two look like you're having fun"

"We are look at all of our masterpieces we've done so far" Wanda beams up at him. He moves over to where they've placed their artwork "the ones on the left are Theo's and the ones on the right are mine" he hears from behind him, his eyes more focused on the left side now.

"These are wonderful"

"Why thank you"

Bucky turns to face them again catching a quick glimpse of Theo's smile before it faded but not before he noticed the dimple on her right cheek, he smiles softly at the sight.

"Um Theo did Wanda tell you that I'm taking the day off tomorrow so I can spent the day with you?"

Instantly regretting the words ever coming out of his mouth as he sees her shoulders tensing and how her head drops lower.

"No I didn't, I forgot all about it I was to focused on shopping you know me Buck my mind goes blank when I'm shopping" Wanda laughs as to ease the conversation.

"That's fine, is that okay with you Theo?" His heart sinking once again when he receives a short nod.

"Okay well I'll let you ladies carry on, I'll see you later for dinner". Leaving quickly as he could.

Wanda hated that Theo had gone rigid. "Theo? Are you okay?" Getting a nod from her, she shut her eyes and breathed deeply. "You can talk, you don't have to keep nodding or shaking your head Theo. You're free to talk whenever you want"

"I'm okay Wanda"

"Bucky's not that scary you know?"

"I-it's not that."

"What is it then?" Wanda leans over to take Theo's hands in hers, squeezing slightly.

"I have to perform my wifely duties tomorrow"

"What do you mean?"

"Have sex with him"

Taken back by this "you don't have to if you don't want to Theo"

"I have to it's my job as his wife"

"Who told you that?"

"My mother"

"What did she say to exactly? It's okay Theo you can tell me"

"That my job was to have sex with James and that it was one of my sisters that would birth him an heir"

“Listen to me, if you don't want to have sex with Bucky you don't have to. You say no. Bucky would never pressure you into doing anything you didn't want to do, I promise. Buck would never cheat on you I promise you that too"

"Bu-but I hav-"

"No. No Theo you don't." Wanda struggles to keep her anger at bay. Hating that the woman who she deems as her friend thinks that she has to do things that she clearly doesn't want to do in order to "perform her wifely duties". Hating Theo's mum for making her think that this is what a marriage should be like.

Unbeknownst to the pair, Bucky was standing outside of the doors both fists balled tightly, the anger coming off him in waves.

Later on in the day Sam knocks on the doors to tell them that dinner was ready as they made their way into the dining room everyone smiles at state they arrived in - paint covering most of their hands, paint on their eyebrows and cheeks.

"Did you two have fun?" Nat asks.

"Yeah, we kind of got carried away" Wanda laughs before sitting down next to the other redhead, conversation picking up between the pair.

Theo moves quickly and quietly to the corner of the room where she sits facing the wall.

As dinner is brought out Bucky walks in, and goes straight to his seat, digging in to his food as soon as it's placed in front of him. Stopping when he feels eyes on him.

"What?" He asks with annoyance lacing his words. Steve's eyes flick over to where Theo was sat before going back to Bucky. "Leave her and eat" receiving questionable looks, he sighs "or don't I don't care" then he carries on eating.

Ignoring the guilt burning their insides, they all follow suit.

After he was done Bucky stands, watching how Theo's body flinched from the loud scraping of his chair.

"Where you going Buck?" Steve asks.

"I'm going to Dots"

"Why?"

"To fuck her. Not like I'll be getting any sex in my marriage" Then he strolls out.

Wanda jumps up and storms out after him reaching just in time. "What the fuck was that all about?" She seethes.

"Which part?"

"The whole dinner James"

"Wanda I don't have ti-"

"What was that all about" she now demands.

"Fine. My so called wife doesn't even look at me, let alone fucking talk to me"

"Right so that makes you think it's acceptable to say that you're going to Dots for a fuck?"

"Yeah like I said I'm not going to be getting any from the frigid bitch-"

Wanda does the one thing that she has never done or thought about doing. She smacks him. "Don't you ever call her that! You want to go and fuck a whore instead of getting to know your wife then so be it. You James make me feel physically sick."

She turns on her heels stopping when she sees everyone standing there, barging past them she goes back into the dining room where Theo was still sat.

"Oh дорогой" She says at the sight of tears wetting her friends cheeks. "Come on, you can come and sleep in my bed with me tonight"

Hand in hand they both stand and head up the stairs, ignoring the words coming from the friend group standing there.

Neither of them realise that Bucky was no longer standing there.

Bucky stumbled back into the house in the early hours of the morning going straight into Wanda's library he walks over to Theo's paintings and picked the one that caught his eye from hours ago.

He takes it gently into his hands, leaving the room he climbs the stairs. Once he was in his bedroom he places the canvas on the bed before taking his shoes off and climbing on the bed, he removes the very expensive painting he had hung up on the wall. Slowly picking up Theo's he places it on the hook.

Jumping off the bed with a slight tumble due the alcohol swirling around in his veins, he moves to the bottom of his bed and smiles. Climbing back into bed he passes out.

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Tags: @sapphirebarnes @bellabarnes1378 @unaxv @skulliecadaver-blog @mrsnikstan

[ladyloveandjustice]

I was talking to my partner about how I think the main reason "heroic" gyaru characters are so trendy in anime right now, is likely because the actual fashion trend is over now, meaning they're no longer "scary" for being girls that rebel against Japanese beauty standards and act "rough". I do remember a time where gyaru characters showed up a lot less frequently but were generally portrayed as aggressive dumb sluts when they did, you know the drill... I remember there was even an afterward in the sailor moon manga where Naoko described herself as being scared when approached by a gyaru because that was the culture of the time. They were considered scary delinquents.

But now that the trend is officially over, anime can look back and decide "that was pretty cool actually! maybe they weren't all dumb sluts! Maybe stereotypes are bad! Maybe those delinquents were cool! maybe it would be great to have a sexy gyaru girlfriend!" (it does fail to address that even if a girl slept around that's fine, all the gyaru characters portrayed as good in anime are generally chaste, which generally gets a big whawhwhwhwhwa reaction, you can't judge a book my it's cover it seems!!! okay but why are judging the book to begin with.)

like don't get me wrong i love gyaru characters i love delinquent girls with all my heart and am glad to see them getting their flowers even it's too little too late. But it's interesting.

There is one big exception to the "animanga portayed gyarus as bad and dumb" at the height of the trend (and probably a lot of smaller ones but I'm talking in broad strokes) which is a shoujo manga called Gals! The main "gal character" is portrayed as struggling in school and a little ditsy, but overall plenty smart. She's a role model! She's a gal for justice. I've been meaning to read/watch it so I can't say much more but:

When she was in elementary school, she was enthusiastic about becoming a police officer, but quit the ambition after learning that she won't be able to dye her hair or wear her favorite accessories.

Being a gyaru saved her from becoming a cop, thank god.

There's some other big examples I found are also shoujo: Peach Girl and Shiritsu! Bijinzaka Joshi Koukou...

Sukeban were considered a similar delinquent subculture rebelling against norms, and I don't know enough about manga scene then to how Sukeban were overall portrayed, but it also interests me that the most prominent positive portrayal of them was also a shoujo manga-- in this case Sukeban Deka/Keiji. This was in 1975 when sukeban was very much still a thing. And arguably, that manga is why a lot of Sukeban heroes/nice girls show up in media today despite being so incredibly anachronistic.

(there's something to be said about how both delinquents being "good" comes with ties to the police, though with Saki it's more complicated because law enforcement is also depicted as incredibly shady and actually blackmails her).

I don't know what my point here all is, just that it's an interesting but unsurprising trend of rebellious women only getting sympathy when they're no longer active and no longer perceived as a threat, but the exceptions of sympathetic portrayal specifically when the trend is popular coming from shoujo manga...well it's only two examples so it could be a coincidence, but it's interesting. I think a very likely reason is the mangaka some girls who read manga might fall into those countercultures so they should have a story for them, or the idea rebellion might be more enticing for girls even if they are straight laced...

(actually it could be i don't know what im talking about i might delete this later)

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

Why So Serious? This is a Dinosaur Blog?

So we live in a world that has built its entire mythology off of hierarchies. The idea that the rich are better than the poor. The whites better than people of color. Men better than women. Able-bodied and able-minded better than the disabled and neurodivergent. Straight, cis folk better than queers. christians better than any other people of any other religion. That's the society we in "western" places live in. Another fundamental component of that is that humans are better, more important, more "evolved" or "chosen" than any other living thing.

and that is just as false as all the rest of them.

you can't dismantle it without dismantling the others first, of course. since humano-supremacy is the one the rest is built off of, you won't properly unlearn it unless you unlearn white supremacy first. that's why we see countless vegans being real racist pieces of shit all the time.

but you do have to unlearn anthropocentrism, too. you do. because the biosphere is all fundamentally equal. we are one part of nature, of the ecosystem, connected to all the rest. we are partners in the evolution of life. understanding that is necessary: to combat climate change, to fight against ecofascism, to ensure the survival of our species and the world. we are not uniquely evil or uniquely good. we're just some naked apes that made a bunch of mistakes, but we can fix them, too.

I live with five parrots. every day they remind me that the idea humans are "more evolved" is ridiculous. they understand things I would never expect. and they remind me that they're dinosaurs every damn day. and that's just another type of tetrapod, something so close to us its easy to empathize with them. Now apply it to fungi. It gets harder, right?

But that's why we have to keep working.

And that's why we have to see the history of life not just as an interesting story, but the story of us. The history of all of us. and it explains so much! The quirks of geology lead to the geography of slavery in the united states. Humans wouldn't have even evolved if a rock hadn't randomly hit the planet at the right time. We have hiccups because we descend from fish. The list goes on.

We need to produce a human population that thinks ecologically and evolutionarily, so that we can tackle the real problems and move forward.

And that's why I'm so gd-damned serious about dinosaurs. Because dinosaurs, in that western mythos, are the "lumbering, dumb lizards" that went extinct because they sucked, so the cool mammals could come in and run the show - and we, the coolest mammals of all, took our rightful place as the leaders.

But that's not what happened.

Dinosaurs were well adapted for their environments, intelligent and active animals - and were thriving right until the end-Cretaceous. Nonavian ones only went extinct because of a giant space rock. And dinosaurs are STILL WITH US - as birds - and doing better than ever. There are more species of dinosaur alive today than there are mammals. and humans just kind of, happened, thanks to some lucky accidents. we are as much a product of random chance as the extinction of nonavian dinosaurs was.

All of our anthropocentric myths are just that - myths. frankly, how can we call ourselves "more evolved", when we're destroying the planet - gleefully and rapidly? We have to unlearn this myth.

And, in between crying about my thesis, I will do everything I can to help people unlearn that myth and see the true beauty that is the history of life.

so, yeah. come learn with me. it's the only way to liberate us all.

[httpknjoon]

learning about the twins | ksj

plot | it's your first ultrasound day! you and your husband is about to receive a surprise news.

word count | 1.9k+

genres | fluff, domestic au, parents au

pairing | actor!jin x famous!reader (also, pregnant!reader)

note | it took me long to respond! but thank you so much for loving their journey, anon. hope you'll like this one too 🌸🤍 ps. I'm missing the a-listers so much haha

main masterlist | the a-listers: confidential masterlist

"Jeez, your hand..."

You scoffed after you placed his hand on your lap like a habit. Just by a simple touch, you felt the coldness of his palm.

"It's just an ultrasound, Jinnie."

You can feel your heart beating like a drum at this very moment, but you're just better at hiding it. This is your second time visiting your trusted obstetrician while this is Jin's first since he was abroad when you learned about your pregnancy. He promised to come with you to your checkups every time since then. Today will be your first ultrasound.

"I know, I know." he sighed as he tried to focus on driving. But you can his knuckles turning white with how hard he's clutching onto the steering wheel.

Ever since your doctor confirmed your pregnancy, you have been researching on your own. Counting the weeks now, you are only in your ninth. But after seeing other women's experiences and images online, you cannot help but notice that your tummy is growing a bit faster and bigger than normal. You thought of the possibility of having multiple babies but you don't want to tell Jin about it. You don't want to cause any false alarms or surprises.

"Okay, we're here... please take a breath, hon." you quipped.

With you, he inhales and then exhales. You squeezed his hand, making him look at you. You smiled and placed a soft kiss on his knuckle, and his face softens. Before leaving the car, he put on his cap and mask. You do the same thing. Although your doctor made sure to keep your schedules with her private, you still take extra measures to protect your identity from whoever may recognize you in the hospital.

"Dr. Philipps texted me earlier that she's already there. So we can just go straight there," you spoke before getting in the elevator.  

Dr. Philipps (Or Stella is what you call her sometimes outside her medical clinic)  has been your trusted doctor for years. You've been going to Stella for your bi-annual checkups ever since Hailey started managing you. She doesn't care about your famed status and is not shy to lecture you about your health when necessary. You are close enough to her that she sends you holiday cards every year while you send her gifts on every special occasion.

"I should not be the one who's nervous about this." he chuckled, shaking his head.

"Well, this is my second time already. So you are pretty reasonable right now, hon." you clung to his arm and instantly locked your hands together, still feeling the coldness from his palm.

From the underground parking lot, the elevator took you two to the eighth floor. It was a great relief that there was only a single person who joined you two throughout the two-minute ride, an old man who probably didn’t know anything about you and your husband. Jin greeted him with a short good morning when they shared a quick glance.

The elevator door opened. You and Jin walked straight to your doctor's door, not making any eye contact with anyone. Stella usually starts her check-ups in the late mornings but she always makes an exception for you, sending you in at seven o'clock. You knocked a couple of times on the door before hearing a voice from inside the room.

"Come in!"

Of course, Jin opened the door for you. 

"Oh, so the husband is finally here." she acknowledged Jin who followed behind you. "The last time you went here, you looked more nervous.”

You laughed at that, easing your heartbeats for a moment. Blood rushes to Jin’s cheeks and ears as your doctor reminded him of that moment from years ago when you had a pregnancy scare. That was just a couple of years ago, back in the early stages of your relationship. You pulled him to sit on the other chair next to you.

“Okay, before we do the ultrasound, how are we feeling today? Are we excited?” she began asking. Awkward giggles and nods filled the room and you knew she can already see both stress and excitement on your and Jin’s faces. She has probably seen a thousand of these reactions from her other patients.

“Any new symptoms, YN?”

You answered, listing down the things you have been experiencing since your last visit. Frequent urination, extreme morning sickness (so extreme that Jin wakes up in worry, hearing you from the bathroom. Him handing you a glass of water became a part of your morning routine.), you’re always tired and have mood swings.

“Oh, and I feel like I’m growing fast,” you added, holding your stomach over the hoodie you’re wearing.

Stella raised an eyebrow, “Okay… how about we check on your weight and vitals before we start on your first ultrasound.”

You nodded. After the whole check-up with your vitals, she offered you a gown if you want to change before the ultrasound. 

“Are we going to know the gender already?” asked Jin.

“Oh, no. it’s too early for that. Right now, we’re going to see how big your baby is since you mentioned that and maybe we can hear a small heartbeat too.” she explained.

“Ooh, that’s cold.” you flinched with the ultrasound gel Stella spread over the lower part of your tummy.

She chuckled, “I know. You’ll never get used to it.”

Jin sat next to the monobloc chair next to the bed. He held your hand, doing the thing he usually does when he knows you’re nervous: massaging your palm. Although you didn’t say anything about your own worry on the way here and he’s a bundle of nerves right now, he can still see right through you. You were great at hiding you’re emotions but he just knows it. It made him wonder and felt more guilty about his absence during your first checkup.

“Okay, so this is your uterus…”

Stella was just beginning to move the device around your lower belly when you spotted something on her monitor almost instantly. Your eyes widened. It was like your heart stopped and you turned to Jin to see if he saw it too. But your innocent husband was just listening to your doctor and nodding while setting his eyes on the monitor.

“Stella…” you called her name, almost in a whisper as you were surprised. You hoped you weren’t just seeing things because you can already feel the bliss in your soul.

Worried, Jin looks at you and he can see your eyes glistening. Lines formed between his brows. Stella also turned her head to you.

“Yes?”

“Those are two…”

You didn’t even finish your sentence and Jin just didn’t understand what was going on. This was his first time seeing an ultrasound. The only thing he just learned about your doctor is a uterus. But you seemed emotional just by the mention of it and he is kinda scared of you mentioning a number. He really just cannot process properly at this point.

Stella moved the device again while looking at the screen. It didn’t take long for her to smile and nod, “Oh, yup. That’s definitely two sacks over there. It’s twins.”

You let out a shaky laugh upon hearing the confirmation while Jin stood up from surprise to have a better look at the screen. 

“What?” he asked in disbelief with the biggest smile on his face.

His eyes were filled with excitement and surprise while Stella began to explain those two sacks she was talking about. He never felt stupid since he already noticed those earlier but he just don’t know it. With your hand still in his, it is now unconsciously clutched near his chest.

“This is baby A and we’ll try to get their heartbeats…” Stella clicked some buttons and suddenly, all you and Jin can hear is that little quick series of lub dubs. “Oh, that is a great heartbeat! And this one is baby B...”

“Wow…” he reacted, still stunned, before looking at you. 

He sees happy tears rolling down your cheeks and he softly wipes them before leaning down to plant a kiss on your forehead. 

Stella also measured each twin and shared how old they are. One is exactly nine weeks old while the other is eight and a half weeks old. And while she was saying all that, the disbelief in both your and Jin’s systems is dying down but another emotion is growing quickly.

“But are they fine? Is everything normal?” you asked.

She reassures you with the same smile that always calms you down during your checkups, “Yes. They are fine. We will just watch you closely to make sure everything will go through smoothly.”

“Twins. We’re having twins.”

You chuckled as Jin repeated that sentence for the fourth time already when you two left Dr. Phillipps’ clinic. Those were the only words that came out of his lips since then. He's like a broken record player repeating things over and over again. It’s just sinking in.

“Yes, we are, my love.” you giggled as you leaned your head to his shoulder while walking out of the elevator to the underground parking lot.

He didn’t say a word again and opened the car door for you. Being the most worried and caring soon-to-be-dad, Jin helped you climb up his range rover. He placed a hand on the top of your head, in case you accidentally bump your head.  As if you were the most fragile porcelain glass in the world. You just smiled at his action.

“I’m pregnant. But I can do stuff, you know?” you joked as he fastened the seatbelt for you.

As the belt locked, he looked at you. “I know, bub. But we need to be more careful now. We have three people to take care of now.”

Your eyebrow raised before you chuckled, “Three? We’re only having two babies, Jin.”

“And how about you? You’re my biggest baby.” he instantly replied with a teasing tone.

It was corny, for sure. But you cannot stop the smile that formed on your lips when he said that. He laughed at your caught-off-guard reaction and you later joined in, laughing with that.

“Your ears are all red again!” you pointed out before holding them.

Your palms then held his cheeks. He smiled. You savored the silent moment. Without any words, you two knew what the person in front of you was feeling. Surprise, happiness, and maybe a little fear. You pursed your lips before speaking,

“We can do this. We’ll be good with this whole parenting twins thing.”

He nods, still in your touch, “We will, bub. We’ll learn together.”

Your chest heaves as you let out a big puff of air. Having one baby is already scary, what more with having two? But you have Jin. You know he will be next to you throughout this whole process. 

“I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you too, bub,” he answered before you leaned in for a kiss.

As he drives you two back home, Jin brought something up. Saying, 

“You know, if Donny learns this, he will ask me to name one of the twins to him.”

“We can do that…” you replied with no hesitation. 

But in reality, you just want to see your husband’s reaction. He looked at you with wide eyes and distressed eyebrows. Since you were an actress for a living, you managed to stop yourself from laughing and continued,

“Look, Donny has already done a lot for us. Maybe–”

“Oh, no, bub. We’re not going to name any of our kids Donald.”

a/n: feel free to send me an ask if you want to learn something about the a-listers!! tysm for reading &lt;3

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[thewritingofspencerrose]

A Women's Guide to Sports Masterlist

"Niña, are you okay?" Is the first thing that greets my ears upon returning to the Aston Martin garage, Fernando's concerned expression meeting mine as he gives me a once over.

"I'm assuming my debacle in Redbull has already made it back here?"

"It's all over the internet," Lance is the one to answer, looking hesitant to continue. "Including the part where he announced that you're Verstappen's little sister."

Of course someone caught that on video. "Fuck me."

"Don't worry, no one around here will treat you any different," the Canadian assures, looking more sorry than I'd really like. "We're all pretty tired of the Verstappen's anyway. As long as you're okay, and that ass was kicked out, we're good, yeah?"

I can't help but laugh, nodding at the Canadian. Why he's made out to be the biggest ass, i have limited idea.

"Ms. Hughes, Mr. Caufield, Fernando and Lance will be needed in 30 for prep, so-" One of the staff mentions, earning a nod from the for of us. "We have prepared a set of stools in front of an Aston Martin backdrop for you all. It is just over here," She explains, pointing off to the side.

"Great, thank you much," I thank, taking the microphones from her hands before stealing Cole's hand from himself, pulling him to our designated chairs.

"Okay, so, the camera is here and rolling, so when you all are done we will edit it together," The woman explains, waving her hands around before walking off without a response.

"Y'all are very straight to business around here, aren't you?" The joke slips, ignoring my knowledge that Lance's father literally owns this team.

"You get used to it," Is Lance's chuckled response, just shrugging it off, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I get it, hockey's the same," Cole chimes, the little comment learning a kind smile. They're relating, Mom would say, it's how boys deal with feelings.

"Okay boys," I begin, clapping quietly and collecting their attention. "Starting in 3-" Cole's hand is moving to my leg, resting just above my knee in support. "2-" Fernando is running a hand through his hair, using Lance's sunglasses as a mirror. "And 1!"

"Hello everyone and welcome back to today's episode of A Women's Guide to Sports! As always, my name is Emily Hughes and today I am coming to you from the Canadian Grand Prix!"

"If you are one of my people who are watching this on social media, hi!" She greets with a little wave. "Or if you're one of my podcast diehards, I'm here to clue you in."

"As you most will have seen prior to this episode on social media, today I am here at the race with my brother Jack Hughes and Trevor Zegras, both probably lost in the paddock, and my boy Cole Caufield as guests of Aston Martin!" Cole gives her a little squeeze of acknowledgment with one hand, the other waving to the camera with a smile.

"Speaking of AM, we have some very special guests today, gentlemen, would you mind saying hi to the people on the other end of the audio?"

Both Aston drivers wave to the camera, offering a verbal hello as well.

"It's great to be here," Fernando assures, his quieter teammate nodding.

"We'll see if you still believe that when we're done with the questions I have for you two."

"Starting with?" Lance has enough self-respect to be concerned. He has seen her interviews before, asking about life while living the sport rather than just logistics.

'Women connect to a sport more when they can connect to a person, rather than data,' Emily had answered once when asked about the peculiar nature of her interviews.

Everyone knows those are the hardest questions to answer.

"So, we'll start a little easy on the questions here: Is it true that you have unofficially adopted Lance, Fernando?"

The older driver laughs, a light pink taking over Lance's cheeks as both men laugh, making Emily's smile impossibly larger, a sight that makes her brothers smile from off to the side, hidden from view and the camera.

"She seems to enjoy this," Max comments to Jack, noticing how easily she prompts the borderline ridiculous questions along, making sure to include many real questions about the cars performance and what it's like to live and love in Formula one. "She is doing better than most of the journalists."

Jack is an older brother, it's in his blood, and while that prevents him from trusting Emily's newfound family, he also knows that anything less than an attempt at acceptance would result in puppydog eyes.

And God all her brother's are a sucker for those.

"Yeah, she's studying journalism in New York, it's always been a passion of hers," Is the Hughes boys response, although he can't help the smile that takes place on his face. "While Quinn, Luke and I were pretending to be NHL stars as kids, she was pretending to interview us."

Max knew it would be hard not knowing her since she was a child. With his other half siblings he had been given the opportunity to be in their lives for all of those moments, or to at least know they happened.

"Now, this question is for the both of you," Emily catches his attention once more, "Fernando, towards the beginning of the season you were connected to one Taylor Swift, with rumors of you two being together floating around," She begins, giggling when Fernando winks dramatically at the camera. "With her mention in the sport, there was an increase in attention as everyone tried to puzzle out what was happening. Do you both believe that if big names such as Ms. Swift began to invest more into the sport, the audience would grow?"

Lance takes the question, diving in to how with his father being an investor, he does believe that if large names were to contribute more, the sport would increase in numbers. Fernando expands on it, explaining that that's how these things work, and why the teams like Ferrari and Redbull have such a following.

"So," Jack starts, doing his best to bond. "Do you have any other siblings?"

Max can't help the way his brows scrunch at the question. It's clearer by the second that as they watch their sister, they're just trying to get by.

"I have four," He decides to answer. "My sister Victoria is by full blood, then my sister Blue Jaye from my fathers second marriage and Jason and Mila from his third."

"God," the Hughes almost grunts. "Em has another brother and three sisters?"

"Yes," He hadn't processed that his siblings would be hers as well. "Does she have more brothers... through your family?" Is the only way Max can think to ask. "You mentioned a Quinn earlier?'

Jack nods, still in minor surprise that his sister has gone from simply having three brothers to now having five and three sisters. "Quinn's the oldest of us all, then there's me, Em, and we have a younger brother Luke."

Emily seems to have superior hearing, because her next question is on the same topic her brothers have been covering, "Now men, on to siblings, how does it feel knowing your sisters are superior to you?"

[genderkoolaid]

Hi! I pondered today the post you've reblogged asking people to examine their biases in how they perceive transmascs. My thought was only vaguely related, as it was more related to bisexualism. I hope it's not an issue. I'd like to share it, as I respect you a lot. (Thank you lots for introducing me multigenderism! I didn't knew it was an option and I'm exploring a little! :3)

Specifically I was thinking about the erasure of men perceived as feminine from mlw relationships. There's this... assumption, that feminine men are almost inherently (OOF) unable to be attracted to women? (Putting aside fandom bias to ships involving women in the first place.) What's up with that??I cannot quite put it in the words properly but... it just doesn't sit right with me. Idk, it feels... emasculating? Like, being a femme is a vibe, a presentation, etc, but if it's a femme man it's still *very much a man*. This + typical bisexual erasure and overall assuming you can clock people's sexuality on appearance alone... Probably more that eludes me. I'm still grappling with it. Idk, there's probably much more to say here but... it's upsetting emotionally to me, personally. I'm an afab woman (maybe more) so please, *please* take my input with a grain of salt. It's just that I love men. I adore them. I want to learn more about them, learn their struggles, help them if I can. I might love them even more out of spite when biphobic people scorn at it bc it's not queer enough. Here's the catch: My type specifically is femmes. As a femme woman. So ironically my longing towards men always felt more "broken" and "unachievable" then towards women. Bc for years it felt like... femme men would never want me, by the virtue of who I am. With what body I was born and feel at home in. Idk where I'm going with this at this point. I guess I too wish people would examine their biases. In this case towards feminine men. For the sake of all men, trans, cis, femme/butch... and people who love them. Emasculating men hurts everybody. Even women, such as myself. I hope I haven't at any point sounded as equating "feminine men" to "transmasc", btw! I do NOT believe transmasc are feminine! If at any point I was coming of like that by bringing both in one ask I'm sorry! Here I'll conclude. I still have much to learn thought. I still grapple with naming the issue at hand I would deeply appreciate men insight here. Have a nice day :3

I actually posted an article written by a femme bi man talking about this topic a while back!

This is very much an issue. The way I interpret the different ways biphobes react to bi men/women is that its related to how patriarchal gender roles operate. All bisexuals are targeted by the idea that they are either "really" straight or "really" gay because of binarism. Women are resource objects, so cishet men's access to them needs to be preserved; therefore, bi women must be REALLY straight. Men, on the other hand, are competitors, and queerness is one of the major ways men are seen as failing that competition; as a result, bi men must be REALLY gay because their attraction to men(/feminine presentation, if they are femme) means they could never successfully compete at manhood. (This is ofc just a general trend; sometimes people, especially queers, will insist a bi woman must be really a lesbian esp if shes butch, and cishets may insist a bi man must be really straight especially if hes masc/butch).

I identify as bisexual and as a femme man, although I'm not sure if I would consider myself attracted to women as a man (multigender sexuality is weird but fun!), but know there very much ARE femme bi men out there who would love to be in a relationship with you. I think a lot of mlw who have a preference for femininity have experienced this, queer or not, because there is so little visibility for GNC men who are attracted to women- and because there are women who are queerphobic about the idea of a woman dating a GNC man.

[mask131]

While I'm at it, because I just had a little beef with a fanatical Christian who couldn't believe I was born in a Christian setting because I had a pentagram as an icon (you see the kind of person)... [Edit: For more details they were a clearly antisemitic Orthodox person who, after refusing to believe I was anything else than Jew, atheist or a devil-worshiper, starting lashing out at me when I said I had a Catholic upbringing saying I was the cause of the crusades and the reason Hitler was alive, yada yada, you know the kind of crazy religious person]

So I decided to have a brief Christianity talk. Not much but just this:

If you ask me, yes, there is a Christian mythology, even though people do not like this term - because there is a bunch of Christian legends and Christian myths that form a Christian folklore and a set of Christian tales with distant, weak or inexistant links to ACTUAL Christian teachings, rites and the actual Christian religion.

And I do believe that folk-Christianity is a fascinating thing that deserves to exist alongside official, actual Christianity. Santa Muerte, and the local saint celebrations, and strange Christmas and Epiphany beliefs, and this story about God and Saint Peter getting drunk at a farmer's house, and the fairytale about Jesus and the Virgin Mary throwing the devil and his wife in an oven to save the girls they wanted to eat... Anyway, no matter how much one can try to destroy folk-Christianity it will always survive because it was centuries and centuries of rites and beliefs spread across several continents, and you can't destroy that easily.

The thing that many people do not get is that a lot of what is Christianity today was completely made up. There's not a lot of Christianity today that was originally in the Bible. There's a lot of Christianity as practiced by the first Christians that was lost. The dates and meanings of celebrations like Easter, All Hallows Day or Christmas kept changing all year long. Lots of saints were completely invented. Don't even get me started on the apocryphal Gospels!

This is why studying and understanding the history and evolution of a religion always allow one to be more understanding of what the religion currently is and what is actually an "option" in it. Religions never stayed the same thanks to times changing, scholarly debates, schisms dividing it into various branches, political and economical forces being at play, translations from one country to the next - and that's not just true for Christianity, but also for all other religions. Islam, Judaism, Buddhism... They all had their own evolution, they all are today very different from what they started as, and to better understand them one needs to learn of their past, what they were, what they still are, what they're not anymore. Heck, today there are talks in India of kicking out and banishing all Buddhists when the religion started there! But now, Buddhism's main nations are China and Japan, and its Indian roots almost entirely forgotten...

Fanatics usually fail to do this study of their own religion's history and evolution, because they imagine that the past was just always a carbon-copy of the present, and that their beliefs stayed unmovable monolith coming straight from God (or whatever principle they follow) instead of something that went through centuries of men and women and governments.

Just look at why and how Protestantism came to be. People realized the Church had added a lot of stuff that wasn't there when Christians first appeared, and decided to return to the "original" Christianity, rejecting all the added, invented stuff. Like the celibacy of priests: Christians priests married and had children in the first centuries following the Christ's death. And the only reason Catholic priests took a vow of celibacy and virginity was because of economic concerns with inheritance matters. Jesus never asked those that followed him to never have children or never marry or never have sex.

Or take the existence of Purgatory! Completely invented by the Church around the Middle-Ages, never spoke about by the Christ or part of the original Christian religion, then quickly removed a few centuries later as a non-existent, borderline heretical superstition, and that yet survived in folk-Christianity, and then in popular culture.

In conclusion, I would have to say that there is one book that made me realize a lot of things about religion as a whole, and that convinced me to go from Catholic-Christian to simply deist. Terry Pratchett's book "Small Gods", which exactly put into words my feelings about the world: there is a difference between religion and organized religion. There is a difference between belief and the organizations built around this belief, between faith and the hierarchy created around this faith. The Church is like a shell that was built around the turtle that is the faith/belief/god - and sometimes, when the shell becomes too big and too heavy or too unfit for the creature it hosts, it smothers, hurts and kills the faith/belief/god, until there is only the shell. And people stop referring to the turtle, and only speak and interact with the shell.

This is the perfect explanation of how Jesus only preached peace and love and friendship and forgiveness, and its priests later invented the Inquisition and caused the witch-hunts.

[galaxyedging]

Jack Daniels x reader

WC: 710

Warnings: Father's Day angst.

Promise

The sun warmed your face as it slipped through the curtains. The stars were too beautiful for you to cover up last night as you struggled to fall asleep. The apprehension of what today you bring buzzing under your skin.

Jack was at your back, an arm lax over your waist, seemingly unmoved since it wrapped around your restless form at 3am. The clock read 7am. Way too early to be up on a sleepy Sunday. Half an hour later, your bladder began to protest at your attempt at pretending to be asleep. Jack stirred as you slipped from the bed. His 'good morning' lacked his usual cheer.

Breakfast was a quiet affair. There was no whistling from Jack as he cooked. He hadn't even bothered with the radio. 

You didn't notice either of those things until you were halfway through picking at your pancakes. "How about some music?"

The radio sang to life as you turned up the volume. An ad for a car dealership rang out as you returned to the table. Just as you decided to push the plate away from you, a familiar song sent a shiver through you. Who's going to drive you home tonight?

Jack noticed straight away. "What is it?"

"This song reminds me of my dad." You tried to shrug it off but Jack's hand stilled your shoulders. 

"I'm sorry, Sugar." His reassurance made you feel safe enough to let the tears gathering in your eyes fall. 

"I'm sorry. I know today must be hard for you." You tried your best to wipe the tears away, suddenly feeling foolish for crying when Jack had been through the same loss as you as well as a much more painful one.

"It'd be harder without you here, Darling." Sitting back in his seat next to you, he pulled you into his lap. "So why does that song remind you of your dad? Was it one of his favourites?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. I just have a strong memory of him driving me home one night with that song playing. Maybe because it went together it stuck in my head. I don't have many memories of him."

"What others do you have?" He pulled you in tighter, his hand finding yours and intertwining his fingers with yours.

"The smell of dirt and coal. He was always working with his hands. He would do jobs for anyone. He used to use detergent on his hands to scrub it all off." 

"Huh, just like you showed me when we painted this place."

"Yep. I remember him cooking for me and my mom. The sound of his heartbeat as I snuggled into his chest."

Sobs welled up from where you had pushed everything down. 

"Hey. Hey. You're okay." Jack gently rocked you in his lap. "My daddy taught me how to ride. How to shoot. How to make all types of fires that would burn wherever you needed them. One's buried in the ground so the smoke wouldn't billow. One's that would burn in a storm. He taught me how to survive." Jack smiled to himself. "And to whistle. The man loved music but he had no talent for it. He couldn't hold a tune in a bucket!"

The two of you shared a laugh at that. "Neither can I. That's why I learned to play the guitar. Women love a musician. I started learning to play some lullabies for my boy…I wasn't going to put him through listening to my singing."

"I'm sure he would have loved them all the same." You leaned your forehead against his catching the gleam of tears in his eyes.

"Thank you." His moustache scratched your cheek as he pressed a kiss there. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I may have lost a lot but I found something special too. You're the reason  I'll get through this hard day and every one after. If you let me, I'll be here for all your hard days too."

"You promise?" You asked with a child like hope.

You knew all too well that no one could promise anyone their tomorrows but if anyone could give it a damn good go at delivering, it would be your Jack.

"Promise." He agreed, pressing his lips to your wedding ring.

You may not have enough memories of your father to keep him alive, but like Jack, he would be forever etched into your heart.

@kirsteng42 @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid2 @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @kinda-nobody @movievillainess721 @munsonownsmyass @mandoloriancookie @faceache111 @elegantduckturtle @manazo @simpingcowboy @pedrit0-pascalit0 @yourcoolauntie @pedrostories @geekrenaissance

[sol-consort]

God that vibration in a Turians voice is what made me realize that “oh Garrus IS hot” in Mass Effect 2 because I liked him in 1 but didn’t think he was hot yet. I must’ve been too focused on trying not to romance someone in 1 which I almost failed at. Also I know that people have already said this out of the blue but I do hope you’re okay, you’re a cool dude who makes dope stuff even if I don’t comment which I should and pretty much the reason I’m still somewhat active on tumblr now

I feel out of the loop because I am desperately trying to find ME2 Garrus hot but something about how dismissive and distant he is puts me off. No like I tottally get it you've been through a lot BUT I WAS DEAD.

I LITERALLY WAS DEAD FOR 2 YEARS AND ALL HE HAS TO SAY "oh Shepard it's you." FUCK YOU MAN I WAS GOING IN FOR A HUG.

I haven't done his loyalty mission yet so maybe he will warm up on me eventually. Idk no strong opinions on romance so far except for the theif girl but she already has someone so I am fucked.

I was fully planning on cheating on Kaidan here.

I imported my ME1 save and the game currently has me flagged in Kaidan's romance because his picture is in my bedroom. It's supposed to turn down when I cheat on him and he will confront me about it in ME3

But now. I can't find anyone fuckable. Even Garrus who I was down bad for because of the stars in his eyes literally became batman 2.0 and is blasting my chemical romance from the back of the ship but no one wants to confront him about it and instead hope the phase ends soon.

Jacob is. Jacob lacks rizz. Jacob makes me feel like I'm sexually harrassing him because of how uncomfortable he seems whenever I pick a romance option. I actually had to google if he was romance-able just to make sure I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Who's left huh????? Who's dick I supposed to suck in order to get my shepard a malewife??

There is Liara. Liara is always fucking there standing in the corner. Ruining my Kaidan romance and tricking me into her romance like some kind of fae.

I hope the Garrus fever infects me soon too because it looks like I will end up staying loyal to Kaidan against my will. That man probably spent the two years after Shepard's death to make sure all men in the galaxy are unfuckable and all hot women are straight, just on the off chance Shepard comes back to life and tries to get some.

I mean he isn't wrong, Shepard flirted with him while on the job and while being his captain, he knows his commander will flirt with their co-works without any shame so why even take the risk?

God I miss Ashley.

On other news, I keep meeting Turians I want to fuck. Who are not an option to fuck. It's a twisted irony of fate because I keep refusing Garrus.

Also I'm starting to regret the fact I made Anderson the council. He seems really sad, but man it felt great watching Udina get told to fuck off.

Is he happier if he doesn't become the council? What choice did you make? Does he become something else then or do we even get to meet him?

And it is funny how all of this is your fault. I wouldn't have installed Mass effect or gave it a chance wasn't it for you ask a long while back. I would've let it rot in my library for a year then finally gave it a chance.

You stole my bg3 obsession and replaced it with mass effect! How dare you! I am very thankful you introduced me to this because I never realised how fun fps can be. I even bought another fps on sale today, called hellsinger.

But it is really freaky how much such a small thing like sending an ask detoured my life so much and changed my interests. It's a whole new side I wasn't even aware of its existence.

Thank you, genuinely. But I have learned my lesson and won't fall to your tricks twice. I'm not even gonna search up that other game you recommend until after I finish mass effect. Just in case it turns out to be jaw dropping too.

But the director ME2 took in gameplay isn't my favourite. I'm too squishy and the enemies are too squishy now. I can't be a cool sniper jumping from place to place and headshoting enemies. Now I have to hide behind fucked up barriers and wait for the enemy to reload or use my invisibility then I go in for the snipe.

The weapon feels more limited too, I get that they made them more unique but I prefer having the stats menu more. I only have two snipers so far and I hate both of them but I'm forced to use one because there are so little options.

It feels more resident evil-ish? Or maybe because I'm on veteran difficulty? I tried lowering it but it doesn't fix the issue.

My problem isn't that the enemies are dying too fast my problem is that I am dying too fast. I hate the new points system and level up too, I miss the more detailed one in ME1. I also loath the hacking minigames in here.

The dialogue and animations improved a lot tho, the missions diversity too! The heist one was such a blast I felt like I was in a movie. It was so cheesy and cliche in a very endearing way oh my god.

I like my Shepard but I miss their face scar. Why did they remove that option? I had it in like a cool reminder of the blitz or something.

Also if you pick earthborn you get these two wholesome newsrports

And this one for War hero

They made me smile. But also wtf people are having WEDDINGS on MY memorial??? GET OFF MY STATUE.

I also wished that people would've had a bigger reaction to us showing up alive, yk? Not even a hug so far. Even Anderson :(

But yeah that's all for now.

And I appreciate it dude, checking up on me. You're cool too. And about the comments, I can't exactly force you to do it, I can't force anyone, it's just a choice they make everyday.

But I am curious because I never thought you were one of my readers. You don't leave likes on my writing posts, and you have only sent one or two requests so long ago. You do like my writing advice and opinions sometimes. Is that why you follow me? Because I'm funny ofc.

But nah don't tell me. I don't wanna know, it will ruin the mystery. I pay attention to the posts each person who frequents here likes, and I get a general idea of their preference. Sometimes, I can predict which posts will be liked by who and which will be ignored by others. It's a fun minigame. Humans love patterns.

But yeah. I don't want random comments on stories or fics you haven't read or finished. I want them from the people who read and liked the story. I want to hear their opinion I want to know what they thought. But if you are dinning and dashing then...again I can't force to do anything. It just makes me sad really.

I like talking, but not about myself or feelings. I am the way I am, flaws and all and I don't have to explain it. This cycle will repeat, I might give up tomorrow, I might not, I can't predict the future. One day my thread will eventually snap.

But not today, I'm still working on fics, I am still posting. I'm not giving up yet.

And I hope this inspires you in any way since you're back to writing, I hope that you don't give up too no matter how scary quiet it gets. I hope you're more resilient than me. I hope you love what you write because it is very deserving of love.

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Great Hunt! Chapter 9: Leavetakings

Spoiler alert: This post contains spoilers all the way through the whole series. Probably. Sometimes I only go as far as like, book 12? But if you're only on book 2, book 12 is a long ways off. Probably. Sometimes people are very fast readers.

This chapter opens up by completing the Aes Sedai circle: the icon of the Flame of Tar Valon. This is about the goodbye that Siuan officiates and the way she almost takes the arrow meant for Rand.

Some of the Warders glanced at Rand as he walked across the courtyard; a few raised eyebrows when they saw the heron-mark sword, but none spoke.

No one wants to mess with a twenty-year old wearing a sword that says, "I'm good at killing people with swords" because like yeah it's probably stolen valor but also if it's not you're getting the attention of a straight-up psycho.

Ragan waved to him, and Uno nodded, but Masema was not the only one who gave him a cold stare and turned away.

Angry about Rand violating the women's quarters or about Rand and co. being the proximate cause for all the chaos of the last few days?

Rand glanced down at the golden thorns climbing his crimson sleeve and grimaced. Small wonder Mat and Perrin still think I’m putting on airs. On returning to his room he had found everything already packed and sent on. All of the plain coats he had been given were on the packhorses, so the servants said; every coat left in the wardrobe was at least as ornate as the one he wore.

Yeah but fancy coat or no, they're kinda being dicks to Rand here since he's at least trying to apologize. Can't blame them too much though since Moiraine's orders are actively causing Rand to look like a jerk. Thanks Moiraine! Please don't come back into Rand's life until you're willing to be like 33% less manipulative and awful.

“When you can’t win a big victory, sheepherder, learn to settle for the small ones. If you made them think of you as something more than a farm-boy who’ll be easy to handle, then you won a small victory. Now be quiet and listen. I’ve only time for one last lesson, the hardest. Sheathing the Sword.”

Ah, here's Lan as the deliberately toxic mentor, providing advice that... never really pays off! Rand's attempt to an hero in combat doesn't work and he never needs to again before he dies, Lan tries as well but is contractually obligated to be Nynaeve's loving husband for the next few decades, and no one else really obsesses over it. I wonder if Jordan had been able to finish the series if Rand might not have let Moridin sheathe him to finally pay it off as a final contrast between the two: Rand embracing death as a means to ensure life while Moridin pointlessly chases it and never accomplishes anything meaningful as a result.

“But, Mother,” Agelmar was protesting, “you’ve had no time to rest from the journey here. Stay at least a few days more. I promise you a feast tonight such as you could hardly get in Tar Valon.”

I doubt very much that the fortress city at the ass end of nowhere is going to be able to rival Tar Valon's access to feasting. Siuan probably doesn't feast much but if the occasion ever called for it Tar Valon should have spreads for days.

“I heard,” Loial said, “that she was sending someone out today, all the way to Arad Doman. There is word of some sort of trouble on Almoth Plain, and the Amyrlin Seat wants to know exactly what. What I don’t understand is, why now? From what I hear, the rumors of this trouble came from Tar Valon with the Aes Sedai.”

Rand of course freaks out because Fain left the promise that they'd meet again at Toman Head, but since he erased it he doesn't get it either. Both are unaware of the Dark Prophecy which would put a significant amount of fire under Siuan.

“Perhaps so,” Loial mused, “but you humans do so much with your lives. We do nothing but huddle in our stedding. Planting the groves, and even the building, were all done before the Long Exile ended.”

The Exile is pretty recent in Ogier terms, when you think about it. The cultural retreat makes a good deal of sense, especially because every time you might think the Ogiers would have a revolution back to openness, a continent-spanning war broke out. Hopefully they'll come out of their shell once the Last Battle is over and the world is safer, start bringing their own changes to the world.

“Glory to the Builders, Loial Kiseran.”

This is an Old Tongue word meaning "Honorable one" and is very much not a family name because that's not how Ogier naming works (they have patro- and matronymics).

“You ride to find the Horn of Valere,” she said, “and the hope of the world rides with you. The Horn cannot be left in the wrong hands, especially in Darkfriend hands. Those who come to answer its call, will come whoever blows it, and they are bound to the Horn, not to the Light.”

Luckily for humankind, the Horn itself seems bound to the light, hence its inscription that clearly prevents Darkfriends from being able to use it in any useful circumstances.

The watcher was back. The hair stirred on the back of his neck.

Huh, guess it was the Grey Man, let in very early and then failing to do anything for a day and a half for... reasons. Odd choice.

Odder still that it's trying to kill Rand under the circumstances of Ba'alzamon very much not wanting that. Lanfear wouldn't be down with it either. Did a different Forsaken make this call (which ones are even free at this point?), is the Grey Man only trying to injure Rand and just extra shitty at its job, or is it just disobedient?

Last year in the White Tower, with my own guards at every gate and Warders all around me, a man with a knife came within five steps of me. A Whitecloak, no doubt, though I’ve no proof.

NGL this being a Grey Man too wouldn't be very surprising, since it's within the time period Ish was awake and causing trouble and causing any kind of chaos in the White Tower is exactly what he loves to do.

“I wager Illian does not give its Great Hunt of the Horn so rousing a send-off,” she said. “But yours is the true Great Hunt. You are few, so you may travel quickly, yet enough to do what you must. I charge you, Lord Ingtar of House Shinowa, I charge all of you, find the Horn of Valere, and let nothing bar your way.”

Thank goodness Loial is going on this Hunt, so he can write about it all and the gang can eventually get their own part in the gleeman tales. They more than deserve it.

“And Nidao. They had the second watch. They always stayed together, even if they had to trade or do extra duty for it. They were not on guard when it happened, but. . . . They fought at Tarwin’s Gap, a month gone, and saved Lord Agelmar when his horse went down with Trollocs all around him. Now this. Darkfriends.” He drew a deep breath. “Everything is breaking apart.”

Ingtar's beginning to crack under the pressure already. Let's keep an eye on that.

“As you wish, my Lor—ah—Rand. I’m a sniffer, you see. Been one four years this Sunday. I never heard of such a thing before then, but I hear there’s a few others like me. It started slow, catching bad smells where nobody else smelled anything, and it grew. Took a whole year before I realized what it was. I could smell violence, the killing and the hurting. Smell where it happened. Smell the trail of those who did it. Every trail’s different, so there’s no chance of mixing them up. Lord Ingtar heard of it, and took me in his service, to serve the King’s justice.”

Unlike our heroes, who got all their powers when puberty was finishing up, Hurin apparently came into sniffing in comparative old age - he's got "greying hair".

Also note that he's probably named for Tolkien's character, who does not appear in The Lord of the Rings because he's thousands of years dead at that point. Thankfully for our Hurin, his kids are not forced to have an incest baby by Rand's (or anyone else's) magic, nor are there three decades of imprisonment or betrayed cities or anything like that. It's just a cute reference.

There was one in Cairhien once—Brown Ajah, but I swear I thought she was Red before she let me go—she kept me a month trying to find out how I do it. She didn’t like not knowing.

It would be really funny if this had been Verin but I'm pretty sure it's not.

“She was right, then, the Amyrlin Seat,” Ingtar said slowly. “A great and wise woman, who deserves better than me to serve her. Take the trail, Hurin.”

Ingtar's really cracking under the pressure. Half-surprised he doesn't paint "I'M A DARKFRIEND AND I DON'T LIKE IT" on his banner before this is over.

People ran past Bayle Domon in masks and costumes bizarre and fanciful, many showing too much flesh.

Prude! More flesh! More flesh!

Easing the Badger, it was called, though not even Nieda Sidoro, the innkeeper, knew what the name meant; there had always been an inn of the name in Illian.

Is- is it really that hard to figure it out? I feel like Domon's just too prudish to get it and Nieda thinks that if you have to ask you're not old enough.

They were all three nondescript, but there was an air about the speaker that made Domon take him for their leader. They did not appear to be armed; despite their fine clothes, they looked as if they did not need to be. There were hard eyes in those so very ordinary faces.

I always like the bad guys who manage to look like anybody else and yet are still obviously quite dangerous. Fictional worlds need more of them.

“You can coast to Mayene easily enough. Surely, Captain, you would be willing to sail along the shoreline for a thousand gold marks.”

Not even subtle at this point though. I wonder if the various people trying to hire Domon are all independent Darkfriends being directed by Ba'alsy (including the Illianer noblewoman who can't be fully responsible for what we see in this chapter but could be involved) or if they're all different stooges for a singular person.

The First’s city-state was a province of Tear in all but name, and she would no doubt like Illian’s aid. And there were many in Illian who said it was time for another war, that Tear was taking more than a fair share of the trade on the Sea of Storms. A likely net to snare him, if he had not seen three like it in the past month.

Berelain's situation isn't quite as bad as Domon assumes, but yes. It's fun that we're setting up this bit of worldbuilding now when we won't even meet her until the start of book 4.

Like most people who had never been to the Borderlands, Nieda did not believe in Trollocs. He had tried telling her the truth of it; she enjoyed his stories, and thought they were all lies. She did not believe in snow, either.

Illian must have been doing alright in the unnatural winter, then - even if things were colder than usual, they weren't so cold as to make farming impossible. No wonder the Dark One switches tactics next year.

Dangerous coins. One or two might pass, but so many would say to most people exactly what Nieda thought. There were Children of the Light in the city, and although there was no law in Illian against dealing with Aes Sedai, he would never make it to a magistrate if the Whitecloaks heard of this. These men had made sure he would not simply take the gold and stay in Illian.

While I'm sure the Whitecloaks have been doing this off-and-on throughout their whole existence, I get the feeling that Niall's made this a big point for his terrorist cells to get Tar Valon as isolated as it was during Hawkwing's siege. Most people would under normal circumstances take Nieda's approach: Yeah it sucks that it's witch gold, but it's real witch gold and that's better than no gold.

Domon reared to his feet. “Roust the crew, Yarin. Find them and tell them Spray sails as soon as there do be men enough aboard to handle her.” Stuffing the parchment into his coat pocket, he snatched up the bag of gold and pushed his second out the door ahead of him. “Roust them, Yarin, for I’ll leave any man who no makes it, standing on the quay as he is.”

Poor Domon. Bro had no idea what he was getting into buying that seal; much like most Darkfriends assumed their oaths would never trigger in their lifetimes, for most of recent history getting your hands on a seal wouldn't have meant anything at all. But he's been living a constant nightmare since a little before book 1 began and unlike Rand he didn't get a month off.

And of course, things are only gonna go downhill from here.

“Spray do sail now. To sea.” Domon cut off Yarin’s protests about light and tides, and Spray not being built for the open sea.

I expect that while Domon often threatened to leave sailors behind, this is one of the only times he's actually done so.

In thin red wax below the signature were impressed the Rising Sun seal of Cairhien and the Five Stars of House Riatin.

And so even the King of Cairhien is a Darkfriend. Humanity is thoroughly corrupted at this point.

He had heard that Whitebridge had been burned to the ground right after he sailed from there, and there had been rumors of Myrddraal as well as Trollocs. It was that, all of it together, that had first convinced him he was not imagining things, that had had him on guard when that first odd commission was offered, too much money for a simple voyage to Tear, and a thin tale for a reason.

It's great that the thing that convinces Domon that it's all about him was in fact just the thing he was only tangentially connected to. The Wheel is so far ahead of the Darkfriends that it's difficult to see any of them standing a chance no matter how many Turnings pass.

The disk felt hard and smooth in his hand, and not at all valuable except for its age, but he was afraid it was what his pursuers were after. Lightsticks, and ivory carvings, and even bones turned to stone, he had seen other times, other places.

Since the seven Ages don't last anywhere near long enough for fossilization to be a natural process, I wonder what crazy shenanigans go down in age six or seven to make them such a thing going forward.

“The Taraboners and the Domani have always squabbled over Almoth Plain and Toman Head. Even if it has come to blows this time, a careful man can always find trade. West, Yarin.”

Sadly, Domon won't quite be careful enough... It's way more of a war zone than even he expects!

[fangirlings-things]

Rescheduled Lesson

❦ PART. II

Fandom: Enola Holmes

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x female reader

Word count: 3K

anon said: Can I request a Sherlock x reader where she visited Enola often when Sherlock left on long cases, so they became good friends? And when Enola runs away to find her mom, she goes to stay with the reader, which Sherlock deduces and tries to get her to let him find Enola and talk to her? -&

A/N: this request was amazing and I loved every bit of it!!! I put all my inspiration in this, tried to make the personality of the character good, so I hope you like this piece, love, I did my best!! (also I’m thinking about a part 2? if you guys like it let me know, I would be delighted to write it) (had to repost guys, I'm sorry!!)

also, the tag list for this fandom is open!!!

gif credit: @henrycavilledits

❧ You knew the Holmes family was nothing like the other families that lived in the countryside. The father had died many years before. The two oldest sons had already left home, to live their lives and follow the careers they desired. On that incredibly big house, where once lived a family, there was only a mother and her youngest child left. Perhaps the fact that you yourself was considered a little off by other people, was the fact that made you become friends with them.

You lived completely alone, surrounded by books in a small house. Your life was made of studying, researching and writing texts about science. You loved it, great authors of the matter being your inspiration. You tried to learn their teachings and with luck, wanted others to learn as well. You almost couldn’t believe when one day in the middle of a sunny afternoon, Eudoria Holmes had showed up at your door and invited you to her house, where she asked you to be Enola’s science teacher. She educated her daughter not for society, but for herself, so that she could find her own path when she came to grow up. That instantly made you respect that woman and accept her offer.

Twice a week you would go to the Holmes’s house and spend hours and more hours teaching the girl. Darwin, Copernicus, Newton, Galilei. She was eager to know and you were eager to teach her. She was the first student you had that actually wanted to learn and that was amazing. Made you proud and happy, more than you could say. At the evening, Eudoria would ask you to stay for dinner. You would put lessons aside and talk and laugh together. They were like your family, the one you didn’t had.

You were always excited for the days of teaching Enola to come soon. They were your absolute favorites of the week. In the beginning of the afternoon of one of those days, you had been incredibly surprised by a knock on your front door while you gathered the books you would make the girl read and study. Frowning, because you never had visitors or received letters, you went to attend the door.

And when you opened it, you saw that your visitor was Enola herself.

“Hi, Miss (Y/L/N)” the girl smiled at you, a little forced smile that instantly made your frown grow deeper. She was wearing boy’s clothes, even a hat, and her long brown hair had been hidden inside of it. “I’m afraid today’s lesson will have to be rescheduled”

“Enola, what…” you began, confused. You had seen her dressed in boy’s clothes before around her house, that wasn’t a big deal. She did find them more comfortable, she had told you before. But the fact that she concealed her hair as if she wanted to hide it and the expression on her face, something that you couldn’t quite identify but resembled urgency, was enough for you to get anxious.

“Please, Miss (Y/L/N), can I come in? I promise I’ll explain everything you want to know” she pleaded, eyes locked on yours as she did so. The tone on her voice made you nod and take a step to the side, locking the door once she was already inside. “I had never been here. Your house is really amazing” the girl seemed overwhelmed by all the books and unfinished texts you had around, laying on tables and shelves.

“Thank you” you said, mind still running fast as you tried to understand what was happening. You walked after the girl, that had advanced until she reached the next room of your house, one who only had two couches and a table. “Enola, what is going on?” her face instantly lost the admiration she was having for your belongings. Her eyes went to the floor, and she went silent. That made you sight. “Enola, you promise you would explain. And you know you can trust me”

That seemed to make her come around, because she sighted as you had just did and sat at one of your couches. Or better, she laid down on it, placing her head over a pillow and focusing her eyes on the roof. Her hands were joined over her chest. “I came here because I wanted to hide, Miss (Y/L/N). I’m running away”

Your eyes went wide at that declaration and you sat on the other couch, realizing that would probably be a long conversation. “Enola! Think about your mother! She loves you. Your disappearance will hurt her deeply”

“No, no, I’m not running away from my mother. I’m running away to find her” the girl sat straight on the couch, eyes meeting yours again like they had before at the door. She could see the confusion in your eyes grow by each word she spoke. “My mother went missing a few days ago, Miss (Y/L/N). She didn’t say goodbye or said where she was going. She only left me clues, here and there that I’ll have to use to find her”

Worry got a hold of you, the same worry you had recognized on Enola’s eyes. Eudoria. Where would she have gone? Was she fine? Not knowing you realized, was terrible. As you thought about what Enola had just said, another question got to your mind. “If your mother is missing, who are you running away from, Enola?”

“My brothers. Sherlock and Mycroft. Well, especially Mycroft, because he wants to send me to a finishing school, that prepares young women for society” the clear disgust in her voice would have made you laugh if you weren’t so worried.

“Where will you go to find your mother, Enola? What plans do you have? Do you want me to go with you?” all questions left your mouth in such a rush, that it seemed like you had just spit out the words one after the other.

The young girl smiled kindly and got up, going to sit right next to you on the couch you were on. She grabbed your hands in hers gently and squeezed them tightly. “Thank you for offering to go with me, to support me, Miss (Y/L/N). Is more than my own brothers have done. But this is something I have to do alone, I have to be the one to find her and know why she left. And I think that the less you know, the better it will be”

Oh, that girl. You smiled while you looked at her. Eudoria had raised her to be a force of nature and had achieved that goal, brilliantly. You squeezed her hands back in affection. “When will you leave?”

“At sundown today” she said, so quickly that you realized she had already thought about everything. At least, on that phase of that 'plan' to find her dear mother. “Will walk to the train station, not the closest one but the next, and get on the first train in the morning tomorrow. In this way, I’m quite sure my brothers won’t be able to understand my intentions soon enough as to catch me”

“Very well” you passed your arms around her and hugged her tight, sighting. “Let’s get you some food for your journey, then. If you find Eudoria and she finds out I let you almost starve I’ll get in trouble”

Enola laughed as she hugged you back.

════ •⊰❂⊱• ═══════ •⊰❂⊱• ════

Enola had left at sundown of the previous day, just like she had said she would. Carrying nothing more than money her mother had left her, a bag of food you had given her and her favorite book of yours, Origin of Species, you had watched her walk away into the night alone, as her name backwards spelled.

You had spent the whole night incapable of sleeping, wondering if she was fine and if she hadn’t encountered any dangers as she travelled on foot. You worried so much but all you could do, was hope that she would stay safe and find her mother. Soon.

On the next day, you had spent the morning and the beginning of the afternoon distracted. Tried to complete some of your works, but couldn’t. Your mind would always go back to the gone girl and her well being.

You had frustratedly been trying to read the same page of one of your books for fifteen minutes, without being capable of keeping any attention on it, when for the second time in a long time, you heard knocks at the front door.

You got up instantly, leaving the book forgotten upon the closest table as you rushed to the door, already smiling at the thought at Enola had came around on her idea of going alone and was back to ask you to go with her.

When you opened the door though, you realized that it wasn’t Enola who had knocked. It had been a man. A man you had never seen before.

He was tall, it was the first thing you noticed. The fact that he had no beard, was the second. And then, details of him came rushing into your mind through your eyes. He had short, curly hair, bright eyes and memorable features. He wore a white shirt, a brown vest with small white details in it and a brown suit as well as trousers of the same color. No tie which was insula for men that well dressed.

“May I help you?” you frowned at him, holding the wooden door firmly with one of your hands. To receive the visit of men, had always made you nervous. You lived alone, after all, and the world was becoming a more violent place day by day.

“I hope so” he said, which such confidence on his voice that it actually made you raise your eyebrows at him. His eyes were fixed in you, analyzing your face with much intensity. Far more than you thought it would be appropriate. “I’m Sherlock Holmes. And I suppose you are Miss (Y/L/N), my sister’s science teacher”

You took a moment to watch him again, trying to put into your mind that the man in front of you was the Sherlock Holmes, the detective who was making a name on England, solving the most incredible and difficult cases on his own. After long seconds of silence where you only stared at each other, you cleaned your throat. “I am in fact Enola’s teacher, Mr. Holmes. How did you know?”

“I found her works, studies on great science authors. They all had writings on the borders where she constantly mentioned a desire to please and make a 'Miss (Y/L/N)' proud. It only took me a visit to one of the closest houses to ask who it was and get pointed in your house’s direction” he explained, in an impersonal tone quite fitting to a detective. He saw the incisive tone look you were giving him, filled with suspicion, and smiled slightly as he looked at his feet, before focusing his eyes back on yours. “I came here because Enola ran away from home, Miss (Y/L/N). And I think she would come here to see you if she needed help”

You sighted, looking into his eyes. You remembered Enola’s words, where she had told you Mycroft was the one who wanted to send her to a finishing school, the one who had made her run away. If that had been Mycroft Holmes at your door, you would have denied being her teacher or even knowing the girl, wanting to cut the conversation short. But that was Sherlock Holmes. Enola hadn’t expressed much anger towards him and honestly, he would for sure find out the truth on his own. He was the best detective there was in the nowadays. You tell him, would just spin faster the process and you would be able to send him away sooner.

“Come in, Mr. Holmes” you took a step aside, motioning for him to come in. He did, in slow calculated steps and once he was inside you closed the door, sighting. You expected him to say something, but he didn’t. Not at first. Instead he walked around just like Enola had done, eyes floating through the uncountable books you had, all in a complete mess over the tables, piles and more piles of them . “She was indeed here, your sister”

He turned his head to look at you, a genuine smile on his lips. “I was already certain of that” then he walked towards one of the tables, fingers running through one of works. The paper was a bit kneaded, but he didn’t seem to care. “The works you did with Enola, the amount of things she learned… they were quite impressive”

You crossed your arms over your chest, trying to contain your surprise to know you had impressed the most impressive man of all, Sherlock Holmes. You waited for him to speak again, but he didn’t, just kept on walking through the room and inspecting your things with his perceptive eyes. “I don’t know where she is, Mr. Holmes. She left many hours ago”

He placed his hands on the pockets of his trousers, turning completely to you the resemblance of his previous smile on his lips. “And I believe she didn’t tell you what were her plans?”

“No and if she had, I wouldn’t tell you” you said and went to sit on a chair, at the table he had been studying with his eyes previously.

“Mind if I take off my suit?” he asked simply. You just nodded for him to go on, not giving it much thought. He took off his brown suit in gracious movements, then placed it in one of the other empty chairs close by. “May I ask why you wouldn’t tell me my sister’s plans, Miss (Y/L/N), if you knew them?”

“Enola said your brother wants to send her to a finishing school” you replied, watching as one after the other, he folded the sleeves of his white shirt until they got close to his elbow. Unconsciously, you noticed how his muscles could be seen from under his shirt. “To try to turn such a brilliant, incredibly smart young girl into a 'lady society' would be a terrible mistake. She shouldn’t be forced to do it” at the end of that sentence, Sherlock Holmes had grabbed two books in his hands and after reading the tiles, he went to the shelves and started placing them there. “Excuse me, what do you think you’re doing?”

“I am organizing your books, Miss (Y/L/N). In alphabetical order, of course. Like I’ve noticed you do after a quick inspection” he smiled at you again, placing those two in place. Then, he went to the table and grabbed a few more. “I personally agree with you. I don’t think Enola should be sent to such a place, but she is my brother’s ward. It is out of my hands” he read the titles, then turned around to return to the shelves. “I suppose you weren’t raised as a lady of society also, for you live by yourself apparently and your academic interests”

“You’re wrong” you said with a little smile taking a hold of your lips, and that made him stop organizing the books and look at you with a frown. She shouldn’t be wrong often. “I was raised to be a lady, until the point where my parents died. After that, I started to live on my own, for I had no more relatives. It gave me a chance to become who I wanted to be, instead of whom I was being carved into”

“You chose your own path” he said with a bigger smile this time and when you nodded in agreement, he returned his look at the shelves. “How did your parents die?”

“They were murdered” you tried to swallow the knot on your throat. Even though they had been controlling parents to the most when regarding your future, they were still your parents, and you loved and missed them. “The police never found out by whom”

“The police can be quite… inefficient” he turned back around with his hands already empty. “I’m really sorry”

“Thank you” you said, squeezing your lips in a thin line as old memories came to surface. Things you hadn’t you thought about in a long, long time. “If there isn’t anything else, may I escort you to the door?”

Your polite way of sending him away made him smile.

He placed the books he had just gathered back on the table, grabbed his suit and accompanied you towards the door, not bothering to dress the piece again. You opened the door and he stepped out, turning to look at you once more. His eyes were curious, interesting. Full of something you couldn’t quite identify, so mysterious as his sister’s.

“If you find Enola, don’t stop her from trying to find your mother” you told him, trying to repress the emotion in your voice. “Not knowing what happened… can be quite disturbing”

“I promise, stop her, is not my intention” he looked down at his feet once again, as if he was thinking for a brief moment, before his eyes went back to yours. “I could try to find out what happened to your parents. Who was their murderer”

“I don’t have much money, Mr. Holmes” you told him, your turn now to look down at your feet.

“I never said you would have to pay” he replied and with that your gaze snapped back up to meet his, and that made him chuckle. You couldn’t deny he looked quite beautiful when doing that. “You were there for my sister through much time and when she needed help, when I wasn’t. That is enough paying for me. Think about it, Miss (Y/L/N). After I find my sister and discover where is my mother, I am willing to take over your case. If you want me to” he nodded his head in your direction in a silent appreciation for your reception in your house and began to turn to walk away, but stopped himself in the middle of such movement. “May I know your first name?”

You smiled softly at that. “It’s (Y/N), Mr. Holmes”

“Please, call me Sherlock”

And after that, he walked away.

[fuckyeahisawthat]

I'm just curious (still learning) at what point after 1100 AD would Joe and Nicky been in actual danger due to homophobia? At what point would they have to start lying to people about the nature of their amazing relationship, just to stay safe? Thanks!

(This is in reference to this post, in which I skimmed over like 900 years of sociological changes in identity formation in very very broad strokes.)

So. Here’s the thing. As “western” queer people in the modern world, I think we highly associate safety with being able to be out of the closet. Can I kiss my partner in public or walk down the street holding hands without fear of encountering hate speech or physical violence? Can I tell my friends, family and coworkers about my relationship without fear of social ostracization or economic consequences?

But that’s a very modern perspective. Between “pride parade!!” and “we will definitely be murdered if anyone finds out we are lovers,” there is...A LOT of space for different kinds of historical queer experience.

So it’s not so much that Yusuf and Nicolò could be safely “out of the closet” in 12th century Baghdad but not in 19th century London. It’s not quite as far from that as you might think. But they wouldn’t have thought about it that way.

In the first few hundred years of their existence, the Islamic world was...full of contradictions when it came to homosexuality. You had a strong taboo against adult men being the receptive partner in penetrative sex, but you also had poets--like, the most famous poets of their times--writing tons of homoerotic poetry about desiring young men and boys, and that was normal and even celebrated. (If you’re familiar with the sexual mores of ancient Greece...lots of similarities here.) You had clerics writing about how there should be harsh punishments for “sodomy,” but in practice in everyday life very, very few people were ever actually disciplined in the legal system for something like that. And other forms of sexual activity between men, like kissing and various forms of non-penetrative sex, were just...not a big deal. At the same time there was kind of an unspoken “don’t ask, don’t tell” social contract around sex between men. Like, we know this thing is definitely happening, and we’re not going to talk about it, and that’s what makes it socially acceptable to continue happening. So you can have a society that in the written, religious record looks fairly intolerant toward sex between men; in practice is actually quite tolerant; where everyone sort of knows things about certain people, but where no one is really “out” in the modern sense of the terms.

At the same time, pretty much everywhere in the world at this time but definitely in the Middle East, casual touch between men was much more normalized. Two men holding hands or linking arms when walking down the street, sitting pressed up next to each other, falling asleep with your head on your male companion’s shoulder...a whole range of things that look decidedly snuggly to our modern gaze would have been totally acceptable between friends of the same gender, and would not have been considered sexual in any way. (This is still true in much of the Middle East today.)

So you can easily imagine a scenario where, like, Nicolò is lounging with his head on Yusuf’s shoulder, eating dates and listening to some saucy Abu Nuwas poem being recited, and then they go back to their private quarters and they have as much sex as they want. Are they “out”? Not really. Is anyone bothering them about how they’re living their lives? Not in the slightest. Do some people in that room see them and know? Probably, but that’s their private business and we’re not gonna talk about it. Frankly that sounds like a pretty sweet existence for a 12th century queer.

To be fair, they have a few advantages. They’re men, which means no one will really question them traveling together, without wives or families. They can easily say they’re friends or business partners and no one will really give it a second thought. I’m sure having to break off contact with their families was sad, but it’s also the case that there’s no one around asking when they’re going to get married to a woman and have children so we have someone to inherit the family business. It gives them a kind of freedom that a lot of other queer people around them wouldn’t have had.

I think once they meet up with Andy and Quynh, they do do things like pretending to be two married couples traveling together. But that’s more because of sexism, because two unmarried women traveling with two men who were not their husbands would turn some heads.

In Europe at the time, Christian theology is pretty not-into all kinds of non-procreative sex, but sex between men is not necessarily viewed as a worse sin than, say, masturbation, or sex between men and women out of wedlock. And it’s like, a category of sin that a lot of people are doing all the time, so if you were to confess such a thing to your local priest, you would be told to do penance but the consequences would be fairly mild. And many of the same things regarding casual touch hold true. Various rituals of kissing, including men kissing men on the mouth, are used as greetings, to seal contracts, and as part of mass.

Medieval Europe also had a concept variously called passionate, romantic, or chivalric friendship--close relationships between two people of the same gender that could be long-lasting, physically affectionate, emotionally intense in a way we would today read as romantic, and (allegedly) celibate. Were some of these passionate friendships actually queer relationships with a sexual component that just wasn’t talked about? Probably. Were some of them what we would define as queerplatonic or homoromantic asexual relationships today? Probably. Is it even useful to try to stuff these experiences into modern relationship categories? Debatable. The point is...the borders between what was defined as friendship, romance and love were different. Two men who traveled together, slept in the same bed, shared resources, were emotionally intimate with each other, and otherwise entwined their lives would not necessarily have been assumed to be sex partners in medieval Europe. And (I think this is the important part) Yusuf and Nicolò would not necessarily have seen being perceived as passionate friends as “hiding” the true nature of their relationship or as assigning some lesser value to it.

In terms of how they are perceived in public, I think things really don’t start to change until the early 20th century. It’s a gradual process, but over the first half of the 20th century, more or less, affectionate touch between men becomes defined as “gay” and a mainstream (straight) masculinity that is concerned with defining itself as “not gay” emerges. Affectionate touch, and then any show of loving emotion between men, gradually becomes less and less acceptable, to a degree that probably seems absurd to two 900-year-old Mediterraneans. (The absurdity is really well-expressed in the van scene, which is literally like “Bro is it gay to [checks notes]...express concern about the well-being of the person you were just violently kidnapped with?”)

Like, on the one hand, you have queer people talking openly about their sexuality in ways that were not an option at earlier times in their lives. But at the same time you have to be careful holding hands walking down the high street now because someone might chuck an empty beer bottle at you. Must’ve been a real wild transition for them.

[stardustedknuckles]

My dad told me when I got back into Pokémon Go, one blue to another, that he wished he'd picked the yellow team. That if he could do it again, he would. All of the gyms in our town are blue and stay blue, the same people putting their Pokémon in before anyone else can get any coins, and of course you can't battle your own team.

Three days later, I bought the medal that allows you to swap teams and I sent him a screenshot of our two gyms lit up yellow. "this is my town now," I joked. "thanks for the reminder you can swap."

And he was aghast. He jokingly called me a traitor, said he had no idea I could or would've done that or he would've said he was staying blue. He couldn't give a good reason why, finally said his girlfriend and her kid were blue and they've been playing less than a year so he needs to stay with them for now.

(Which, if you're wondering, says exactly what it sounds like, but it's fine. I quit needing a dad not long after he stopped being one.)

But recently I've learned that the majority of my body's issues that have plagued me and hindered me for upwards of fifteen years, the issues that have been myriad but subtle enough to make me think for so long that I was making them up, can all be attributed to estrogen with a great deal of certainty. I am taking progesterone to mitigate those effects and it's working beautifully for the most part. It makes my good days better and my worst days... Shorter, at least. And I'm thinking about how even if I wasn't nonbinary, I've been handed a solution to a problem that involves me taking the very simple step away from something that stopped serving me a long time ago. I didn't mind being a girl when I was younger. I don't mind thinking of my younger self as such. She's part of me. I love her. But she was never defined by these hormones that are hurting us either.

And I'm thinking about the people who spend their days creating posts railing against shows they insist they love, who won't go find something else to watch that makes them happy because they don't know how to be anything but upset to demonstrate they care about something. I think of radfems and the way they pack together in herds not out of a love for womanhood but out of a defense of its very existence as an immutable force. It requires an awful lot of enforcing for something so innate. I think of how rampant low-grade inflammation is a known silent killer, of how many women could take testosterone for their estrogen problems and never ever will because the concept of womanhood, this thing they swear they love even as they define themselves by suffering from it, is easier than being happy and then I think of the trans people in my life who have defined femininity as joy itself. I never loved being a girl, but I can't get enough of the way the femininity that never fit me looks on them. They twirl the dresses I was forced into and smile the way I did with my first binder, and I remember that I love women in a way thinking I was one one never allowed.

I think of my dad telling me once that he kissed his best friend as a teenager just to see if he was good at it - to prepare for girls, you see - that all boys did that and it was normal and straight to do. I think of the way he looked at the yellow gyms on his phone for a long second before he shrugged me off the sidewalk, grinning, and turned them blue again.

I think today as I've thought for my whole nonbinary life about hormones, about trading one wrong gender for another that's wrong in a different direction, only this time I don't think too much longer than that. I text my dad a photo of the gyms all yellow again and say "be here when you're ready to join me," and then I pick the phone up and call my nearest informed consent clinic - the first step, away and towards.