#i'm just trying really hard to understand his mindset

[sharonccrter]

So I actually sat down to watch the BBC special of TT Boybands Forever cause I was really interested after the way Robbie talked about Gary being stitched up and also I just love watching this kinda stuff just finished the Boyzone Documentary. Let's just say I have thoughts - I'm going to put them in the tags (and I had a lot of thoughts). I'd say it's worth watching yourself and making your own opinion.

[jarofstyles]

Haze

Hi bestie babes, here is a best-friends-to-best-friends-with-benefits piece! I am unsure if I'm doing a second part but if I did it'll be later on down the line.

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WC- 8k

warnings- use of marijuana, friends with benefits, biting, daddy kink, soft Dom H hehe

“H? Do you really think I’m pretty?” Y/N’s voice was slightly slurred, a mix of both tired and high as a kite from the joint they’d finished just a bit ago. The cool air flowed in from the window they’d cracked in order for her landlord not to get a call to complain, but she welcomed the chill. She always got a bit hot in her skin when the high hit her. “Don’t lie to me. Give it to me straight.

She loved smoking, sure, but she hated how it made her mind think about things she had purposely been putting off. Like her awful fucking dating life and how stupidly lonely she was.

Harry sat next to her on the sofa, his legs spread in an obnoxious manspread, his fingers messing with the Rubik’s cube. It wasn’t uncommon for them to smoke together- he was her best friend- but she wanted his opinion. The poor man was going to be subject to her insecurity.

Her string of bad dating experiences lately had made it hard to believe it wasn’t a her problem.

"Pretty? Babe, you're beautiful. Come off it." he mumbled, eyes still on the puzzle game. He was in that fluid mindset, neither here nor there. His reassurance felt nice but at the same time, a little vague. Her face contorted in a frown as she looked over at him. He was still baked, so she got it, but still. A little more would be nice.

“You have to say that. You’re my best friend. Tell me honestly, H. What is.. what is wrong with me? Because I don’t know how someone can go on so many bad dates and it not be a them problem.” It had been plaguing her the whole time and harshing the high. The words needed to come out. “I’m the common denominator.”

Finally, he put the Rubik's cube down and turned to face her fully, his gaze locked on hers. Sure, he was dazed from the weed, but he wanted to be sincere with her once he had heard how she had actually been a bit torn up from it. As hard as she tried, it wasn’t easy for her to hide her emotions from him. Even high Harry could see past the playful quips she had made lately. It had only been a matter of time before she had asked him about it and in his opinion, it was bullshit. There was nothing wrong with her at all. Y/N was amazing, but it was only natural to become a little insecure when someone had the string of bad luck like she had.

"Y/N, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. I'm being completely honest with you, I swear. It's not you, it's them.” He winced knowing how cheesy it sounded but it couldn’t really be helped at the moment. “You're a fuckin’ amazing, smart, beautiful, funny, talented, kind person... I could list off all your good qualities cause there’s loads of ‘em, but m’high and can't think straight enough right now t’give you the fancier words like… exuberant? Pretty sure that one’s right ."

Y/N let out a little laugh. She could hear it in the low tone of his voice and how it seemed to take him longer than normal to say things when he was stoned and trying his absolute hardest to get that out, but it was a little cute. Too bad it wasn’t enough to get her out of her wallowing.

“Then I’m doomed.” She groaned, sinking into the couch. Her hands came up to cover her face, a tired sound leaving her as she tried to reset. “Dude, do you know how entirely and overwhelmingly exhausting it is? And don’t you dare call me dramatic.” Her eye peeped up at him before she fell back into a huff. “I know you get sex on tap but for the rest of us normal folks, it’s like a war zone out there.”

Harry snickefed at her little quip as he watched her sink into the couch. Letting out a sigh as he really thought about it though, a flicker of understanding crossing his face. "I understand how you feel, trust me. It's not easy for anyone. Although I have to admit, I can't exactly relate to your dating struggles, not really. I just happen to be lucky enough to have a very dedicated fanbase."

He was joking but… not really. He always teased her about this. The women who tended to hang out around the garage or try to get near him after hours to ride him in the cars that he just fixed… It wasn't hard for him to get what he wanted. Being good looking, tattooed, solid and single, it got you a lot of places, and a lot of ass. If only she could relate.

“Yeah, yeah. Slut.” She grumbled lightheartedly, kicking her foot against his thigh. It wasn’t fair it was as toned as it was. “You’re a mechanic and you’ve got all the rich soccer moms throwing themselves at you for a romp in the backseat while their husbands are at work. That’s nice and all, but the dating pool for us commoners is abysmal at best.”

Shooting him a glare, she grabbed the bag of goldfish shaped crackers and popped some into her mouth. “At this point I’d be fine with a friends-with-benefits sorta thing- but god damn it, I just want someone to love me at some point.” There was a moment of silence before she cleared her throat. They didn’t really discuss their sex lives and stuff often so she took his silence as one of not knowing what to say- which was fair. She was sorta dumping this all on him. In the grand scheme of things it wasn’t that insane. Everyone went through shit like this. “Sorry. I don’t mean to actually be dramatic this time.”

Harry shook his head at her remark, giving her a reassuring smile that had his eyes crinkling at the corners. He locked his gaze on her face as he listened to her speak, his expression softening with understanding instead of the smug joking he was giving off before. "Hey, s’alright babe. You're not being dramatic. It's how you feel, and I understand that. Everyone deserves love, and I have no doubt you'll find it."

He paused for a moment, considering his next words carefully. When he spoke again, his voice low and sincere as he knocked his hand against her thigh to get her to look at him.

"Y/N... can I ask you somethin’? And don’t make it weird.” He warned, making her unsure what the hell he could be asking.

Brushing the hair out of her eyes, she turned to look back at him with a questioning look on her face. “Sure. What’s up?”

Harry seemed to hesitate for a moment, unsure whether he should ask or not. It would most definitely change their dynamic if she was offended or freaked out by it, but regardless he felt like it it was something he knew he had to ask. He shifted on the couch, turning to face her fully, taking a deep breath and letting his gaze lock on hers before speaking.

"Y’know how you were saying how you're open to a friends with benefits thing? And how you're tired of being alone?"

“Yeah…. I literally said it like, two second ago.” She replied, voice slow and drawn out. She knew she was foggy, but damn. Of course she didn’t want to draw conclusions but she had to wonder why he would be bringing that up again. Her heart beat a little harder as she narrowed her eyes at him. “Why?”

His gaze remained steady on hers, his expression unreadable. He took a moment before speaking again, his voice low and slightly hoarse. Of course he wanted to be careful with his words, in the off chance this could offend her but he knew that he’d kick himself for not asking if he avoided it. He took a deep breath before asking the question.

"I was wondering... if you'd be interested in having an arrangement like that... with me."

Blinking rapidly, she had to be sure she wasn’t just hearing things. Usually she wasn’t the type to have hallucinations when high, but she didn’t know if he would ever actually suggest that. “Uh.. can you repeat that?”

Harry smiled softly as he saw her surprise. He knew it was a big ask, but he was committed to the idea now.

Leaning forward, his voice was smooth and deliberate as he repeated his question, this time with more confidence considering she hadn’t completely looked disgusted at the idea.

"I was asking if you'd be interested in having a friend's with benefits arrangement with me. No strings attached, just a... way to fulfill certain needs without the commitment. What would you say to something like that?"

“Yeah, that’s what I thought you said.” The nod was casual, as if that hadn’t just completely freaked her out. Not in a bad way! But in a…. What-the-fuck-my-best-friend-just-asked-me to-casually-hook-up-on-the-regular, sort of way.

“Uh… I’m not saying no, but I have to ask why you’d suggest that? I didn’t think you were attracted to me in the slightest.” It had completely come out of left field. The intent behind complaining wasn’t for him to offer but to get genuine advice from him considering he never seemed to struggle in the dating department.

"Who the hell said I wasn't attracted to you? I’ve always thought you were stunning.” It wasn’t supposed to come off defensively but he had to wonder in the moment if maybe it did. Harry had never once thought of her as anything but mind blowingly gorgeous.

“Okay, but you have to say that. You’re my best friend, like I said before. I just….” Hesitance grew on her face, looking over his own for any sign of joking. If he was, her ego really couldn’t handle another blow. “I really don’t want to be a pity fuck. And I also don’t want to like… no offense to you, I don’t want to sleep with someone who isn’t exclusive with me? Not like in the dating sense but like, I’d ask you not to sleep with anyone else for safety and I don’t know how you’d feel about that.” Maybe she was rambling but thoughts were running rampant in her already overcrowded brain. Asking him not to fuck anyone else felt like an overstep for some reason.

As she spoke, Harry nodded along, listening intently. He understood her hesitation and appreciated the honesty; it was one of the things he had always loved about her- But he certainly didn't want her to feel like a “pity-fuck” either. That was the furthest thing she could be. He could respect her wanting a certain degree of exclusivity, especially for safety. He knew he was a bit of a whore and he wasn’t ashamed of it, but he had full ability and sometimes the wish to be monogamous- more than he expressed. Granted, if it were anyone else he’d probably feel a little suffocated in an ask like that but… It didn’t sound so bad when it came to Y/N.

"I get it," he said, nodding in agreement. Reaching out and placing a hand on her knee, his touch warm and gentle, he tried his best to reassure her. "I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't find you attractive, Y/N. It's not about pity, it's about wanting a connection with someone I know and trust. And it’s not like it isn’t a convenience for me, too. No awkward leaving afterward, no like… ‘here I’ll get you a cab’ or saying no to a sleepover. We’ve slept in the same bed loads of times and you know I love a cuddle..”

Sharpening her gaze on him, she tilted her head. “Is this because you wanna do some crazy kinky stuff? Cause I’m open but I dunno how crazy I’ll get.” She was kind of kidding…. But kinda not. There were her own things she wanted to explore, but she didn’t want to be a lab rat.

Harry's eyebrows raised at her question, slightly taken aback. He couldn't help but laugh lightly at her tone, but there was also a hint of genuine interest in his reply.

"You really think I'm into kink, huh? Some sort of freak in the sheets?” Wiggling his brows, he teased her. It wasn’t as if it wasn’t obvious that he was a bit of a frequent fucker, but he didn’t have much shame in that. It wasn’t a kiss and tell sort of situation, but he wasn’t shy about letting her know he’d had a lovely night the day prior when need be. “Well, maybe. But no, that's not the only reason..." He let out a breath, a smirk on his lips. "But I'd loveeee to find out what you'd be open to, if we did this."

“Nope, you first, casanova.” She bounced in her seat, getting closer. Her nosy tendencies took precedence over everything else, it appeared. Getting to know more about him that was was enticing and she couldn’t hold herself back. “What's the crazy stuff you’re into? C’mon, we never talk about this stuff.”

Harry was open about the fact he had a healthy supply of offers and hookups but she had stopped him a few times from giving details. Mostly for her sake, so she didn’t see him as some sort of deviant- even if he was. Now, though, knowing she was potentially someone who could experience said things? Her curiosity was killing the cat. Her cat. Metaphorically speaking.

The man’s lips curled into a small smile as he saw her eager expression. He leaned back on the sofa, his arm stretched out behind her. He was throughly enjoying her nosiness- maybe for the first time- considering it gave him the perfect opportunity to tease her a bit more. "Oh, where do I even start... I have quite a few kinks, darling. But I have a feeling you'd like to hear about a certain one..."

“Okay… so tell me.” She rolled her hand to motion to him to continue. Patience really wasn’t Y/N’s strong suit and it was beginning to show, even if the smoking had initially relaxed her. “Let’s hear it. I want to know what I’d be getting myself into, besides greasy hands and the smell of motor oil.” Though she’d never admit how she’d learned to enjoy it, too.

He couldn’t lie and say he wasn't enjoying how intently she was looking at him, how her gaze was fixed on his every move. He leaned forward just a bit, his voice dropping lower as he continued* "Alright, y’wanted to know, you'll get to know like the princess y’are. But keep in mind, I've got a few of these, not just one." The taunting made her give him that impatient look he was used to, snickering under his breath as she bore her eyes into him.

“Okay. Lay them on me, tell me!” She huffed, knocking his knee. “You’re edging for no reason. I already know that one because you’re gross. Tell me the real stuff.”

Raising a brow at her eagerness, he leaned back again with his arm still draped behind her. He began speaking again, letting his voice drop a bit. "Alright, just a little tiny taste then… See if you can handle it. I've got a thing for power dynamics, darling. Particularly, I like to be in control."

“Mm… I could have guessed that. You’ve got the whole smolder thing, and you do the…” Y/N put her hand behind his neck before pulling it off. “Then you do the neck holding thing when we go out. You like to control where people go. Boss me around. So I had a clue. Give me one I wouldn’t expect.”

The perceptive observations hadn’t been something he expected, but it did amuse him. He reached up to brush a strand of her hair away from her face, his fingers lingering against her skin.

"You know me too well, little dove." He muttered, his eyes sparkling with mischief. This was a conversation he was enjoying. Not one he anticipated tonight, no, but one that had him on the edge of his metaphorical seat. His real seat was leaned against the back of the couch. "Okay then... how about this? I also enjoy a bit of exhibitionism. Kinky enough for you?"

“Oh?” She sat with it for a moment. “Actually… that makes sense too. You’re understated in public but you still get a lot of attention. Behind the scenes you’re an attention whore and stuff, which I know first hand but… yeah.” She huffed. “Damn. Can’t believe I didn’t guess that sorta stuff.” Another question popped into her mind. “Wait… what have you done with that? Are you talking like. Dressing rooms, cars? Or in front of people for real?”

Harry grinned as she continued to analyze his kinks, watching her as she went through it in her head. Had she thought about it before on her own? That wasn’t something he’d mind, in all honest. He chortled at her question and leaned back, his arm wrapped behind her. He didn't want to reveal too much but he was enjoying this back and forth. Maybe a tad bit more than he should be.

"You've got good instincts, darling. Yes, I enjoy exhibitionism. And yeah, both dressing rooms and cars are on the list. But not just that... I like a bit more of an audience sometimes. But that’s a different conversation. I can explain why I like it, though. Since you seem to be so curious.”

“Do tell.” Yes, maybe she was a little nosy but… it was slightly arousing. Harry was interesting to her before but now, with the idea of her being in those scenarios, she felt an elevated desperation to know.

Harry noticed how her eyes darkened with excitement as she listened to him and it made a feeling of satisfaction twist in his gut. Having an effect on her was something he hadn’t realized he’d enjoy so much, but now that he had a taste he wanted to see more of it. He shifted a bit closer, his voice dropping into a low whisper. "I like the thrill of being caught. The danger of it, y’know? I love that it’s risky, that your adrenaline pump and you’ve got t’be quiet. Or you don’t, and you have people see- when it’s appropriate.” That was something he’d experienced a few times. “I’ve had it happen before. Maybe I could arrange that, if that’s something you’d want. People watching, not touching, just watching me touch you... and I’d touch you plenty, darling."

“I think um, I’d like it” It was hard to talk with how her tongue felt tied. “I’ve not done a lot of it but I think I’d be open to seeing and doing more of it.” Her voice weakened, feeling him close to her. His cologne was warm and slightly spiced, his fingertips brushing her arm. Y/N had never experienced the sort of thing he was describing. The most she had done was fuck in a car. “Y-Yeah. I think that’s something we could um… try.” She cleared her throat, trying not to show how affected she actually was. It was hard not to. “What other kinks? Anything I wouldn’t guess?”

Harry saw right through her attempts to seem unbothered and he grinned, his hand continuing to lightly brush against her shoulder. He was enjoying the effect he had on her, the more the minutes passed by. It was a brand new side of her that he hadn’t been privy too prior, but now that he had a chance to? He was going to indulge.

"Glad you're up for trying it, darling. And as for other kinks..." He paused for a moment, his gaze trailing over her body before he spoke again in a deeper voice.

"I'm also into a bit of rope bondage, but that’s for another day too. The typical things you’d expect in kink too, the rougher stuff sometimes, but I really like working you up until you can’t take it anymore. Making you desperate, y’know?"

“Ropes?” She swallowed the shock. “Oh. Hm…” it made sense given the other things but for some reason she hadn’t expected him to be into actual ropes. “I’d have thought maybe more handcuffs but you do like being difficult, don’t you?”

It was a joke but it slightly intimidated her. Nothing she wouldn’t try, though. She trusted him to do that sort of thing with her, if they got to it.

Harry hummed at her surprise and leaned a little closer, his hand coming up to her chin to tilt her face towards him. His eyes locked with hers, his tone serious. It was hard to ignore how beautiful she was now that he was allowed to think that way. It was something he’d tried to limit his brain from indulging in before, but knowing he’d have all the rights to be the one to stare and touch her, he felt like a layer had been peeled back.

"Yeah, darling, I like being difficult. And I like being in control. But we'll take it slow, alright?" He saw the hint of intimidation on her face and the small act of rebellion he liked to see in her. He ran his thumb over her bottom lip, her skin hot and soft under his touch. “Nothin’ you don’t want t’do. I’ll make sure you're comfortable. Even if you’re a miserable little brat sometimes.”

“I…” her train of thought was stalled by the tender touch. Harry was… he was being a lot more liberal with his touches. Sometimes he was when he was high in general but this itself had her feeling hot under her skin. There was that intention now that this was slightly more than what friends do. “I can’t lie and say I’m not slightly intimidated by the thought of us doing stuff together. You’ve done a lot more than me.” She admitted meekly.

Harry simpered as he heard her confession and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He appreciated her honesty, understanding her intimidation. It would be the same for him in her position, but luckily he was going to use his advantage for good. "I know I've done more than you, but that's not a good nor a bad thing. Everyone is experienced in their own way, darling. And that's the point of us doing this... to explore each other, to learn what the other likes." He ran his hand down her arm, his fingers lightly tracing her skin, sending chills across her body.

His fingers curled around her wrist, lightly pulling her up and leading her to straddle his lap. This wasn’t at all where she had expected this night to go but… she couldn’t complain. With her nerves aside, Harry was by far one of the most attractive people she had ever met. There was no way she could turn away the opportunity to feel the way he touched someone romantically.

“You’re really okay not sleeping with anyone else in order to do stuff with me?”

Harry gazed up at her as she straddled his lap, his hands sliding up her thighs, pulling her closer against him. He looked up at her with a mix of desire and affection, appreciating her concern for his boundaries. "I'm absolutely fine with it," he assured her, his voice a low rumble. "I don't want anyone else." His hand came up, gently cupping her jaw. "I want to make you feel good, Y/N. I want to give you all the pleasure you deserve, and I want to be the only one doing it."

Y/N let out a weak sound as his lips pressed against the corner of her mouth. Having him so close was making her feel lightheaded, placing her hands on his shoulders as he tugged her closer to him, chest to chest.

“What do you want to do tonight?” She mumbled, eyes dropping to his lips back up to his eyes. “We don’t have to do like, everything and stuff but… I dunno.” The weed definitely made her aroused.

Harry chuckled softly, his lips just barely grazing the corner of her mouth, teasing her again. Feeling her body against his, her hands on his shoulders, it sent a wave of heat through his body. He doubted she knew that he’d started getting aroused when she started talking about what he’d be into.

"You're cute when you're bashful, darling. And high." He teased, his lips curving into a smirk as he spoke against her skin. "As for what I want to do... I just want to enjoy this moment. Maybe smoke a bit more, later. But mostly I just want to touch you."

“O-okay. You can touch me however you want.” Giving him that opening was bold, but she also knew she needed to just let him take charge. He said he liked to dom, so he would take care of her. Her eyes fluttered closed as she felt soft presses of his lips over her cheek, down to her jaw.

“You smell really good.”

Harry could feel himself holding back the pleased noise. The little compliment was a welcomed one, but he didn’t get them often from her. It was a new part of their dynamic but he couldn’t find himself upset with it. In fact, he was going to do everything he could to get some more out of her. He glanced at her, enjoying the way her eyes closed in response to his touch. Running his nose down the column of her neck, he took a little inhale of her scent. Sugary Sweet. Just like her.

"So do you, darling." He spoke against her skin.

In a test of how she’d react, he let his hands slid under her shirt, his fingers tracing along her bare skin. There was no stiffening, so he continued slowly moving closer to the hem of her bra. His lips continued their path down, leaving behind a trail of tingling sensations and wet marks on her skin.

The shaky exhale was louder than she had wanted, his hot fingertips burning a trail over her skin. He took the permission to heart, tracing the bottom of her bra as his lips moved down her collarbone.

Her breathing hitched as she felt his teeth sink into the skin lightly, a firm sucking making her fingers grip his shoulders tightly and nails dig into him just a bit. “Oh, shit… why does that feel good?”

Harry giggled against her skin as he felt her nails digging into his shoulders, enjoying the fact he was already getting a reaction out of her. He continued to kiss and bite her skin, occasionally sucking on the sensitive parts, marking his territory and drawing out more sounds from her.

"Cause I know what I'm doing, darling." He murmured against her skin before biting her collarbone again, this time a bit rougher.

“Oh my god.” She keened, head falling back as her hand came up to cup the back of his head. Fingers curled in his hair, feeling his mouth mark her up while his hand went under her bra, cupping her in his palms. “Fuck.”

Y/N felt the pulsing between her slick thighs, her sleep shorts riding up as she shuffled closer and pressed his mouth harder against her skin. It had been a while since she’d gotten laid but it was a little embarrassing how quickly he managed to get her to feel completely insane.

The sounds of her keening and breathing and the feeling of her arching into his touch was making his own need for her grow. His lips continued to work her her skin, marking and kissing and doing all the things he wanted because it felt like heaven to have this on tap. He could only imagine how much better their smoking sessions would be, how much more fun sleepovers would be if he got to love her up like this without a second thought.

“H…” she whimpered. Rocking her hips slightly, she rubbed against his bulge she could feel clearly between her thighs. “You’re h-hard already?”

Harry hummed quietly, feeling a thrill as she rubbed against him. His lips curled into a smirk against her skin before he lifted his head up, looking at her with darkened eyes. "Yeah, 'course I am, darling. You have no idea what you do to me, do you?"

Moving his hands back down to her hips, he gripped them tightly to grind himself against her. Give her a taste of just how hard his cock got for her. There was no reason for her to doubt. “You did this, sweet girl. S’all your fault.”

“Oh, shit.” She groaned, giggling at the end as she felt his mouth fall onto her chest. Wet, sloppy kisses were placed on the tender skin as she felt him guide her back and forth, setting a pace for the friction. “I can’t tell if it’s been a long time or if uh… if you’re just really good at this.”

Both. It was absolutely both.

Harry chuckled against her chest, his breath hot against her skin before his smirk widened.

"Mm, I would like to think it's because I'm really good at this," his hands guided her hips, setting a slow, torturous pace. "But maybe also a bit of both. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

“Uh-huh.” She nodded. “9 months.”

Harry raised an eyebrow at her response and tilted his head to the side.

"Nine months? Damn, babe." He murmured, his hands going under her shirt, his fingers tracing up her sides, making her shiver. Getting the reactions from her felt almost as good as her rubbing over his cock. "That's a long time."

“Just didn’t find anyone good enough to let in my bed.” She retorted, using her grip on his head to guide him back to her chest. “Take my shirt off.”

Harry didn't need to be told twice. He quickly pulled her shirt off, throwing it over his shoulder, before his hands came back up to her body, slowly tracing up her stomach, his fingers brushing over her skin. The thought had been there quite a few times over what she’d look like bare, but this was a brand new vision for him. One he absolutely adored.

"Beautiful." He murmured, his gaze wandering over her chest as he took in the sight of her bare skin, his breathing growing a bit heavier.

Her voice interrupted his inspection of her body. “Bra, too, please. Have to bite the bullet.” Despite her nerves that maybe he wouldn’t like what he saw, she felt comfortable with him. Harry wouldn’t ever make her feel bad. That much she knew for certain.

Plus… she wanted to feel more of his mouth.

Harry chuckled softly and nodded, his gaze locking with hers for a moment as he ran his fingers over the straps of her bra, pulling them down over her shoulders.

"You're so beautiful, darling. Don't ever feel nervous around me," his reassurance grounded her, his voice gentle but firm.

He reached behind her back, quickly unclasping her bra and pulling it off, tossing it away. Taking a moment to appreciate the sight in front of him, his eyes lit with desire. “God. You don’t even understand how phenomenal you are, do you? M’a lucky son of a bitch that you’re letting me touch you at all.”

Y/N continued to rub herself against him, feeling flushed at the praise. It was embarrassing that she had a pretty good idea that her sleep shorts were getting soaked, but she was swollen and wet and the motions itself of him between her legs were getting her embarrassing close.

Feeling his mouth kiss over the naked skin, she let out a moan that she hadn’t expected to. He was delicate but demanding, taking what he wanted.

Harry groaned as he felt her rubbing herself harder against him, his hands gripping her hips tightly to guide her movements. He couldn't resist the need building up inside him, the need to make her moan and whimper and squirm beneath him.

"You sound so pretty, darling," The compliment murmured against her skin, his lips traveling down her chest, stopping every so often to leave wet kisses, claiming every inch of skin he could. Selfish, possessive, needy. He wouldn’t deny any three of those allegations should she so choose to label him.

“It’s gonna feel so good when you’re inside of me.” She whispered, almost in awe. He was thick and long and she could feel every inch under her. It was almost intimidating to feel it and know that was going to be inside of her at some point. “But I… we have to wait for that. Wanna do that when we aren’t all… you know.” High. At least the first time they fucked, she wanted to be sober completely. “I think I could get off just like this, though. I feel so good right now.”

Harry nodded, his lips continuing to leave wet kisses on her skin, his hands roaming up her sides as he continued to grind himself against her.

"Impatient, aren't you, darling?" He teased, nipping at her neck before moving his mouth to her ear, whispering in it. "You'll just have to wait for that, though. But...there's always other ways to get us both off, hm?"

“Which way?” She breathed, eager to hear any and all suggestions he had.

Harry held her gaze, his eyes dark and full of desire as he spoke in a low, husky tone.

"Let me show you."

He gently pushed her back until she was laying down, his hands running down her thighs, pushing them apart slowly. Shifting his position, he hovered over her, his body fitting perfectly between her legs. His weight rested on his forearms as he looked down at her, she felt her world right itself from how it had been tipped over.

Y/N hadn’t expected the shift of direction but she liked it. Feeling him on top of her, she felt… delicate. Protected. Even if his gaze was predatory and hot, she knew he was good hands to be in.

She also hadn’t expected his hands to grab her shorts, pulling them off and tossing them to the side- but as soon as her panties were exposed, he settled back between her thighs. It was less of a barrier between them.

Harry hummed in approval as he got a glimpse of her panties, taking a moment to admire the sight before him. "You're so fucking wet, darling. Made a mess of those useless shorts. Panties aren’t much better." He murmured, his eyes roaming over her body before they went back up to her face. "And I fuckin’ love that you're all mine right now."

Y/N couldn’t take it anymore. Grabbing his face, she pulled it back up to her own and kissed him. Taking matters into her own hands, she felt him reciprocate immediately. And god, could the man fucking kiss.

Harry let out a soft curse at her sudden action but didn't hesitate to kiss her back through it all, his lips moving against hers hungrily. He pressed his body closer against hers, trapping her beneath him as his tongue delved into her mouth, greedily tasting and claiming her like he had been teasing the whole time.

“I wish you could fuck me right now.” She whimpered, feeling him rock against her. His cock perfectly pressed against her cunt and their mouths lapping against one another’s, it was heated and desperate. They couldn’t, not right now, but the idea of it had her slick and throbbing. It was unfair how her body was so primed and ready for him but she had to do the right thing. He’d feel so perfect inside of her and she’d be so full and they both knew it. “I wish you were inside me.”

Harry groaned at her words, the sound almost like a growl as he buried his face against her neck, his breathing getting heavier as he heard her whimper. He rocked his hips against her, his own need growing stronger with every second that passed.

"You have no idea how badly I want that, darling. But we can't...not yet." He whispered against her skin, his hands gripping her hips tightly. “I’m plenty patient, though. I’ll wait for you to want it, and then…” the pause was heavy. “Then I’ll give you every fucking thing you’ve ever wanted out of a fuck. Can promise you that.”

“I know. I know.” There was no doubt that he was fully and utterly capable. She swallowed back her desperation, wrapping her legs around his hips to pull them closer. “You just feel so good against me. I never expected this…” she whispered against his mouth. “But I’m so happy you decided to be horny and suggest it.”

Harry laughed, leaning down to press his lips against her neck again, licking at the skin as he continued to move his hips against hers, his body hot and heavy against hers. He lifted his head up slightly, looking down at her with darkened eyes as he took in how she had started to look a little blissed out. Just how he wanted her.

"I didn't expect it either, darling. But... I'm glad I did." He murmured, his fingers caressing her skin as he settled into a slow, steady rhythm. Rubbing back and forth, rocking his clothed cock into the sticky heat of her ruined panties, he knew her scent would be on them and that just sort of did something to him. Her own mark left on him.

Y/N felt the bubbling pleasure in her tummy. Feeling him rutting against her, the softness of his tongue as it brushed against her own, his hand curled around the back of her neck in such a possessive and firm grip, she felt controlled in the best way. Her eyes rolled back as she felt him grind harder against her.

“Fuck, Daddy. That feels so fucking good, feeling you against my cunt.” She purred, keeping herself glued to him. There was a pause of moment but she could feel him twitch against her, the sharp intake of breath as he tried to catch himself. It had been a shot in the dark, but one that hit the bullseye. “You like when I call you that? Does it make you feel good too?”

The reaction was visible. The man liked it more than she could even seem but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to play into it to see just how far it went. “Daddy… daddy…. Dadddy.” She taunted, whispering it against his skin. “You’ll make me cum like this. Just keep grinding into me…. Just like this.”

Harry groaned at her response, his lips moving down to her neck, leaving biting kisses in his path. The honorific had him weak, even more worked up than he had thought he could be in this scenario. Little Y/N was getting bolder by the minute and he fucking adored it. It made him wonder what else he could get out of her.

"You're gonna get it, darling. Jus’ be patient and let me make you feel nice, the way you’ve been wantin’ too." he murmured against her skin, his hips continuing to move against hers, keeping a steady pace. His hand cupped her chin, forcing her to look up at him, his eyes dark and intense as he looked down at her. "Daddy's gonna take such good care of you, Y/N. Don’t ever doubt it."

Harry was hot to the touch, her fingers guiding his face back to kiss her as he ground his cock into her. She could feel how it twitched against her, her legs keeping him close so they could stay glued together. “That feels…” she babbled. “S’good. So good, H. I feel so hot and I’m so fucking wet and I wish there wasn’t anything between us but we gotta be good. So good.” She rambled. It was hard to control what left her mouth. She would call it temporary insanity if he brought it up again outside of their arrangement, but the simple movements were making her lose her goddamn head.

Harry's breathing was getting heavier by the minute, his heart pounding against his chest like they wanted to escape his ribcage as he continued to rock his hips against hers. He felt hot and needy, every fiber of his being screaming to be closer to her, but he held himself back, knowing that they had to at least try to be good. He’d get to sink his cock into that hot cunt another day, make her cum around it and squeeze and milk every drop from his balls into her. That was something he was going to look forward to. But for right now they were testing the waters, and he liked it way more than he thought he would.

"Y’feel so good, darling. So, so fuckin’ good, can barely stand it." He murmured against her lips, letting the praise flow easily off his tongue. It’s what the woman deserved. All these shitty hookups and no one knew how to get to those little itches she couldn’t scratch- but he could read her so easily. Harry knew what she needed. "You're doing so well for me, being so good. Daddy's proud of you."

The last sentence made her whine out loud. Pleasure flowed through her at his praise, wanting more of it. All of it. It had been so long since she had been touched by someone else, and while the last person she had expected to do it was her best friend, she had also never felt this level of desperation.

Harry could feel her body responding to his words, her whimpers and whines making his own desire for her grow even more. He loved knowing that his praise was making her feel good, that she needed to hear his words. He continued to murmur sweet, filthy things in her ear as his body moved against hers, his need for her growing more and more intense with every second.

"That’s my girl, sweetheart. You're doing so well for me, letting me take care of you like this."

He knew it had been a long time for her, felt it in how she kissed. Selfishly he would be glad to be the one she got to take care of her. No one else really deserved it. Maybe he didn’t either, but he cared for her genuinely. He liked her and he wanted the best for her- so that’s what he was going to do.

“M’gonna cum, daddy.” She whispered. “I feel it. You’re getting my clit so perfect each time you move… god, s’so embarrassing to cum dry humping but I forgot how good it feels.” Or maybe it just hadn’t ever felt this good with anyone else. It had been a while, sure, but she hadn’t actually had dry sex with someone since she was sneaking around with her boyfriends back home. Something about it made her know that it had to be a Harry thing, though. That he’s the reason it felt this fucking good and why she was desperate for it.

Harry could feel her words shooting straight to his core, his body growing hotter in response. He could tell that she was close before she had even said so, by the way her body trembled against him, by the way her words got breathier and more desperate. Hearing her say so only made him more eager to get there.

"That's it, sweetheart. Let daddy make you feel good, darling." Harry murmured in her ear, his hands gripping her tighter, his body moving against hers more frantically now as he chased his own release alongside hers. She was going to cum, she was going to cum because of him and fuck if that wasn’t the sweetest reward he could think of- he wasn’t sure what was. "You're doing so perfect for me. Just let go for me. You can do it. I've got you, sweet girl."

Y/N felt it approach quicker than she had wanted. It was no wonder, though. Harry was giving her everything she didn’t know she needed in the simplest way, and he wasn’t even inside of her yet. She felt safe and appreciated as his fingers held her and his lips cooed encouragement to her, the rhythmic back and forth of his cock rutting against her poor, soaked panties, the heat boiling over.

“I’m gonna- m’cumming, m’cumming, I’m cumming Daddy- Harry.” She babbled as her eyes welled up with pleasured tears, nails digging into his skin as she came.

Harry's breathing hitched as he felt her grip on him, her hands digging into his skin and her body trembling against his as she came. “There you go baby, there you fuckin’ go. Yes.” He gasped, feeling himself tip over the edge. His name leaving her lips in a strangled whimper had been the final straw, his own release hitting him like a wave, his body shuddering against hers as he followed her over the edge. Shooting right into his briefs, he felt the hot and sticky load and momentarily mourned the loss of it not being inside of her, but it was quickly passed over as the orgasm washed over him.

"God, darling," the man groaned, his voice low and rough as he buried his face against her neck. Mouthing over the skin as he tried to gather his bearings, he mumbled sweetness into her. "You did so well for me, sweetheart. You're so perfect. So good for me. Sweetest fuckin’ peach."

The loud groan that followed her own had caught her off guard, the sharp thrusts of his hips making her cry out in overstimulation but she did little to stop it, keeping her legs around his hips. “What the fuck was that?” She laughed, head falling back on the sofa with her eyes blurry and wet. It was hard to think.

Harry couldn’t say anything, his own brain fuzzy and his body in overload after that climax. He was breathing heavily, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, his forehead resting on her shoulder. His curls brushed her skin, scalp slightly damp as her fingers settled in the mess of hair and brushed through it without a second thought.

"Bloody fuckin’ hell, babe." Harry finally managed to say, his voice a bit shaky. "That was… incredible." He lifted his head up, looking down at her disheveled and flushed form, his eyes roaming over her.

It was just dry sex, but it had been better than some of the full on stuff he’d had. Maybe it was just their connection, their vibe, maybe even being high, but he knew it felt impeccable. This was something he wanted to revisit- and he would, especially when he was all alone with his hand on his cock.

“If it feels good like that, what the hell are we gonna do when we do the real thing?” Y/N blinked up at him, the flush of her orgasm glowing on her skin. She felt her body shivering slightly, her poor panties a complete mess she’d need to change into, but there was no regret so far. It took her by surprise considering she had been anticipating a bit of awkwardness between the both of them but there was no hint of it as they recovered, a light kiss pressed over her cheek as his hazy eyes looked down at her.

Harry let out a half-laugh, his body still feeling heavy and spent after that intense release- one that had been a welcomed surprise. There had been no prior indication that would be happening tonight but for as insane as it was that it happened, he was more than happy that it did. Getting to experience this side of Y/N had been something he liked far more than he could have ever anticipated.

Leaning down, his forearms rested on either side of her head as his eyes locked with hers while he spoke. "I have a feeling that the real thing will be earth-shattering." He said, his voice low and slightly hoarse. "The wait might kill me, though."

[fangsandfeels]

I gained the next level of appreciation for how well Dragon Age 2 understood trauma, the ugly side of it.

I don't blame Fenris. I understand why after enduring years and years of abuse, humiliation, having your autonomy, your memories, everything that constituted you including your own name stripped away from you, you have no empathy for anyone reminiscent of your abusers - especially if nobody came to save you in the end and you are the only one fighting for your life and freedom. I understand why upon hearing how someone (who reminds you of your abusers) suffers unfairly, the only thing you can say is "Good" - and lash out at anyone trying to tell you off for it. Where all these fucking preachers were when you were suffering? Why even in the land that is supposed to be different from your own hellhole, your word and your experience still don't matter?

I don't blame Anders. I understand why after being betrayed by your own parent, after the decades of listening how you must suffer for the sin of being born, being confined to isolation, being treated like a monster while being a child, being denied the simplest of comforts, you fiercely defend people who share your abilities - because nobody else would ever look out for you and them. Of course you would clash even with someone who has legitimate reasons to be negative towards people like you because your own wounds sting more than their pain. You have dealt with the Chantry's vile propaganda for so long, you no longer take things at face value. Of course, Chantry would say that the foreign land where mages rule is foul, and corrupt, and full of blood magic and demons! So many times rumors, lies, and twisted religious depictions have been used to abuse, lobotomize, and enslave you, you're no longer letting it happen - and you only believe what you see and hear. And all you see around is injustice and indifference. And you're only the one screaming into the void, raging against the horrors everybody else is willingly blind to.

I don't blame them both for losing their mind in their own ways while the rest of the group silently wondered why they couldn't just be normal.

Personally, I don't think there was any chance for them to become friends or make peace during the events of the game. The "I suffered so I don't want anyone to suffer like I did" or "I'm a bigger person" are pretty lies and half-truths at worst. At best, they are mindsets only possible after someone who suffered finally feels safe and can be out of their survival mode. Which is not really true for Fenris and Anders, even during the final act of the story.

Even on high friendship or romance, Anders is still self-destructive, ready to die at Hawke's hands after launching his plan in motion. Even with a friend/lover at his side, he is alone in his head, in his vision of the world, in his pain.

Even with proper support and help, it takes Fenris three years to accept a relationship, but it doesn't change his perspective and if you don't have enough of his trust, you lose him to his trauma-based response.

I may be overthinking it, but I am truly thankful to the game for not toning down the complex, hard and uncomfortable aspects of trauma. People have always been in love with the concept of the perfect victim (who hates only "the right" bad guys and suddenly knows when to be tolerant, nice and accepting and doesn't say any rancid and hateful shit ever), but it became particularly aggravating lately.

[samsno1]

Flowers

Castiel x GN!Reader

i love his eyes. that's it, that's the tweet. guys...this is very sweet but i don't know if i'm satisfied?? tell me what you think, writing castiel is very hard, lawd

Summary: In a hunt, a flower appears over your pillow after you come back to the motel room at night. Who left it there?

Warnings: FLUFF, TOOTH-ROTTING FLUFF, i pictured s4/5 cas in this, use of y/n, sweet confession, NOT PROOF READ, that's it? english isn't my first language

WC: 2.5k

You can learn how to change Y/N for your actual name here

enjoy!

When you started hunting with Sam and Dean one of the last things you expected to encounter was an Angel, especially after discovering they aren't “harps and halos" like in the books you read as a kid, but instead soldiers and sometimes assholes.

Castiel was an exception to the “asshole” part, he was actually very sweet when it came to you and the boys. Helped you, saved you and cared for you. In that sense, Cas was just like the Angel stories, a guardian of the humans he was in charge of.

And for you, it was fun teaching Cas about humans and how they behaved, helped him when he didn't understand Dean's pop culture references, got him to watch classic movies and listen to music and he was always very keen into doing so, curious and intrigued in what you explained to him.

Those big blue eyes always gave you his full attention, sometimes with that little frown that you started to call “The Angel Frown” while he questioned you about something that, to you, was basic knowledge. You were always as patient as possible with him, always clarifying what you could in words he could understand and that ended up always making him come to you for help.

In conclusion, you and Cas got closer and you started to catch yourself staring when he wasn't looking, admiring his smiles, drowning into his sapphire eyes and wishing that he had just more doubts about how people acted so you could spend more time with him.

You knew, from what Castiel told you, that Angels and feelings, human feelings at least, weren't compatible and that things such as love and romance weren't truly a reality for him and his siblings, they were warriors after all, created to serve their Father and that was it. 

Even when Castiel rebelled for the Winchesters, letting go of the “I don't serve men” mindset was difficult but you, Dean and Sam were there for him. You were more understandable then the brothers because you knew Cas was trying his best.

And because you fell for the Angel, but nobody needed to know that.

One night you arrived at the motel room you were staying at, after waving goodnight to Sam and Dean, them going to their separate room.

You opened the door and sighed deeply in exhaustion. It had been a long day of questioning and more questions appearing then those answered. At first you guys thought of a vengeful spirit, then cursed object, then witch. All of those possibilities were still up and it was driving you three insane. People were dying and you felt useless.

Once you closed the door and threw your stuff in the closest table you turned to your bed, where your bag was placed to get some clothes to take a well deserved shower. But, when you looked at your pillow, you noticed a single pink flower sitting over it and you furrowed your eyebrows.

You approached the flower slowly, skeptical about it, your hunter instincts telling you this wasn't good news. You slowly reached for it, as if it could bite your hand off, and picked it up. You analyzed the plant, very confused and grabbed your laptop.

You searched until you found a flower similar to the one you were holding and learned it was a Camellia. You looked between the screen and the flower and you searched up what a pink Camellia meant because, as much as you knew, flowers weren't really something you looked into.

What you found was shocking. According to the internet, a pink Camellia represents admiration and appreciation and Camellias and general represent love and affection. You widen your eyes at the flower in your hands, looking around your empty room as if someone would pop up and explain what this was doing at your bed. Wrong room?

You couldn't think of anybody that could give you this willingly. It definitely wasn't Sam or Dean because, first, they spent the whole day by your side and, second, unless they meant it platonically, the boys didn't see you like that. You loved them and they loved you, of course, but, to them, you were like a sister Dean loves you like he loves Sam, the same way Sam loves you like he loves Dean and vice-versa.

The only person that came to your mind was…No, it couldn't be, he said himself, love for him was basically unachievable but you couldn't help but wonder, even if your rational brain said it was stupid to think Cas would mean that. You smiled at the flower, that tinge of hope lightning inside you.

You looked around the room to look for something you could fill up with water and found an empty beer bottle. That'll do.

You washed the bottle to get the smell of alcohol off and filled it up with water, placing the little flower inside.

The pink color of the petals clashed with the transparent green of the bottle and you smiled at that. It looked cute in a way. You thought, even if this didn't come from someone you knew, you were keeping it, at least the flower.

You left the makeshift vase in your nightstand and took your stuff to the shower, peeling off your suit and your tie on the way, leaving it on the ground as you locked yourself inside the bathroom.

In these moments, Cas thanked his abilities of becoming unseen because you arrived just as he was leaving the Camellia over your pillow. He spent the day researching flowers, finding an interest in how humans always gave them to the people they cared about or to the ones who passed. He wanted to give you one to show you that he cared for you and also as a thank you for being patient with him for a long time.

He always felt happier around you, a warm feeling inside him always seemed to bloom. He felt the need to be close to you, like you were a human magnet. Everytime you looked at him he felt a weird feeling in his stomach, your smile was always something he felt the need to chase, he wanted to see it always in your face. He admired the way your eyes would shine when you were talking about something you liked.

When he saw you placing the flower on the nightstand with a smile he felt that weird feeling in his stomach again. He would do anything to see that look on your face again.

That hunt lasted a week, taking you three too long to figure out it was a witch and even longer to find said witch and to say you guys were fed up was an understatement. 

For that long week you dared to say you missed the Angel, you thought about calling him, praying to him, multiple times but what were you going to say when he arrived? Missed you? I just wanted to see you?

Everything you thought sounded too intimate so you discarded the idea of calling him.

But two more flowers appeared on your pillow after that pink Camellia. A Peony that you learned meant for the Chinese something along the lines of “the most beautiful” and a stunning Carnation in a light red shade that represented admiration. At this point you were very intrigued about who was the one giving you the flowers, Castiel still on your mind. You didn't want to get your hopes too high, you were probably overthinking it anyways, making your heart speak louder than your brain.

You were lying on your bed, staring at the tiny bouquet of three flowers given piece by piece to you. It was your last night in that room, Dean having insisted he needed the sleep so as to not crash the Impala from tiredness. You had offered to drive as you weren't as bad as he was but, of course, that was an immediate no from the older brother so all of you settled for one more night.

As you close your eyes and start to fall asleep, a sudden flutter of wings gets your attention. It's dark in the room so you take a peek and for sure it's Cas. You hold back a smile and close your eyes, pretending to be sleeping.

You feel the Angel approaching the bed, his presence making your heart quicken in your chest. From what it sounds like, he's just standing, watching you and you start to feel very nervous.

Castiel on the other hand arrived to see your sleeping form and couldn't help but watch. You looked peaceful, your breathing was calm and you looked…pretty. Cas thought all his father's creations were wonderful but he felt like you could top them all, literally, in your sleep.

He had another little flower in his hand which, to him, had a very self-explanatory name, a Forget-Me-Not.

He spun the blue flower on his fingers, debating if he should leave it inside the vase or besides you, over your pillow. 

He approached you and while he was placing the flower next to your head he felt a gentle hand wrap around his wrist and instantly froze on the spot.

You opened your eyes and looked at his near-horrified face. You smiled at him.

“Got you” You said, a little above a whisper and looked at the flower he was holding. That one you knew the name and what it meant and you felt warmth spreading through your cheeks, not just at that one flower, but knowing now that all those flowers you received came from Cas.

“I'm sorry for disturbing you” He said as he retreated his hand and you held the Forget-Me-Not. He was tense, not looking at you.

“So you were the secret admirer leaving me these flowers?” You asked as you slowly sat up on the bed and placed the blue flower inside the bottle with the three others. You placed both your hands over your lap, fidgeting nervously with your fingers. “Why?”

He looked around. What was he supposed to say? Himself barely knew why he was doing this but it felt right so he kept going with it. He noticed that the flower meanings resembled things that he felt or thought of you and he enjoyed collecting them for you, especially after you kept them.

“These flowers all have a meaning behind them” He started “Take them as a thank you for…being helpful with my understanding of human behaviors” 

You smiled stupidly at that. The way he said it sounded like something he had rehearsed before coming to you to say it, the words too polite. But yet, that's one of the things you liked about him.

“You didn't have to Cas…They are beautiful, thank you” You said and looked at the flowers again, biting your lip. You felt his eyes on you, it was always intimidating. You knew that it was just the way he was, look right into your eyes while you talk to show you had his full attention, his beautiful blue orbs hypnotizing.

Cas analyzed every aspect of yours as you sat in front of him, his eyes wondering over your figure and his hands moved faster than his thoughts and he reached for your shoulder, his palm traveling from your shoulder blade to the end of your upper arm and back up, tracing a pattern over your skin. He longed to touch you and be closer to you in a way he couldn’t explain so, in this moment, you both alone, he decided to fulfill this wish.

You widened your eyes and looked up at Castiel who was entranced by the movement of his hand, goosebumps flaring up on your skin.

“Cas?” You said and acknowledged your call with a hum “What are you…?”

He finally looked at you, his hand steadied on your shoulder.

“When I’m around you I always feel this need to touch you, be closer and this…” He shakes his head, finding a word to define how he felt. “Warmth comes over me everytime you smile”

His eyes bore through yours and you could only stare back at him, shocked.

“Cas, you’re saying–”

“I think I might love you, Y/N” He interrupted. The way he said it sounded like a confusion, a slight approach, as if he was tiptoeing around the thought, not sure if he wanted to grasp it or just keep his distance.

You were dumbfounded. He sounded so sincere and your heart started to beat faster, his hand over your shoulder felt like it was burning through your skin. It all made sense, the flowers, the way he was always keen on talking to you even when you did most of the talking and he just listened with a faint smile and pure interest, he just didn’t know because he never felt like this before, he didn’t know what loving was like.

You landed a hand over his cheek, your eyes practically watering with an emotional overload at his words. You thumb rubbed the light stubble on his cheek and you pulled him in for a hug. You wanted to kiss him so bad but you were on a baby steps basis with the Angel.

You hugged him tightly, his hands hesitantly wrapping around your frame as you let out a deep breath. When you pulled back, you didn’t pull away completely from him looking between his eyes and his mouth, a giddy smile on your face.

“I think I might love you too Castiel” You said and he widened his own eyes, a light chuckle coming out of you at his reaction.

Your chuckles were cut off by his lips on yours and you gasped in surprise. His mouth was as soft as you expected, his lips moving against your in perfect sync. He was impressively a good kisser, one of his hands gently holding at the back of your neck while the other slid down to your waist.

You felt like a bomb had exploded inside you, a foreign feeling of happiness spreading to every single cell on your body as your arms wrapped around his neck to hold yourself when he sat on the bed, pulling you over his lap, making you yelp.

You both pulled away, your arms still wrapped around each other and he had a light smile on his face. You one hundred per cent had a shocked look on yours, your cheeks hot and breathing heavy.

“Where’d you learn that?” You asked, absolutely knocked by the kiss.

“Dean told me a thing or two” He said and you couldn’t help but laugh, your body shaking against his as he also chuckled. “It seems like I did great?”

You stopped your laughs and looked in his eyes, drowning in their ocean blue. You gave a peck to the corner of his mouth.

“You did amazing” You said as one of your hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck and he pulled you in, the warmth spreading through both of you yet again, never wanting to let go.

A/N: Notes and reblogs encourage me to keep writing, feedback helps me make those writing better. Thank you for reading, XoXo.

[revelboo]

went through all of "everything is alright" and I'm far too attached to it already (and also heartbroken as of the current chapter 💔💔), thank you for the amazing writing and quick updates!!

(also you made me finally purchase some of the blokees I had my eye on🫶)

Thank you for reading my nonsense! The Blokees figures are some of my favorites- I love little figures

Everything is Alright Pt 80

IDW Starscream x Reader, Soundwave x Reader, Megatron x Reader

• “Everything.” One little word that sends cracks running through him, lets the ice seep in. The numb anger. Because he knows the things he’s done to further the Decepticon cause. Some of them of his own volition to enhance his position, others under Megatron’s name. Your eyes looking up at him, hurt and almost pleading with him to deny it. To tell you it’s all a lie, because you don’t want to know the truth of him. That he did the hard things, he did what was necessary. You hadn’t resisted when he’d picked you up. Maybe as broken as he feels. No matter how much he’d wanted to shield you from the reality of this war, to let it be something you don’t need to think too much on, there’s no hiding it anymore.

• “Now you know,” he growls, rasping voice colder than you’ve ever heard it. Wishing he’d denied it even if it was a lie. You’re not a child, it’s not like you don’t understand that they’re at war, but some of those things were just cruel. Violence for the sheer delight of causing pain and you don’t want that to be who he really is. Don’t want to love someone who could do that. Want to pretend that it’s still alright. That it’s just you and him learning each other, growing closer without reality slipping in. Because right now, your heart is breaking.

• Watching you hurts, because Soundwave can feel that despair, that aching sting of grief. And he doesn’t know how to fix this. If it even can be fixed. As Starscream turns to leave with you, he reaches out, catches his arm. “Wait,” he says. Wanting to take you, keep you with him, because right now he doesn’t trust the Seeker’s mindset at all. And Starscream rounds on him, denta bared and a cannon in his face. Realizes that the SIC has nothing left to lose, optics furious with hate. So it’s a surprise when Starscream lowers his arm and walks past. As if he’s not even worth the bother. Taking you away as his spark aches, because this isn’t what he wanted at all.

• It’s oddly freeing realizing it’s all gone, everything taken away from him. You’re still there in his hand, but that trust is broken. And he just wants to scream, to destroy something. Because having you with him and so distant and quiet is worse than just losing you. Wonders if you’ll be able to bear looking at him anymore. If you’ll speak to him or just hide from him. See only a monster. Entering his quarters, he looks down at you, meeting your eyes. Megatron said the words, but this is the culmination of a lifetime of his decisions. “Talk to me, please.” Those soft words make his spark ache. Cut through the indifference he wants to protect himself with. “Star?”

• “Do you want me to deny everything?” He asks. And you really do, but you just shake your head. “I made mistakes. I was cruel and ambitious,” he says slowly, a servo sliding against your hip as he keeps you trapped in his hand, standing in the middle of his habsuite. Like he’s afraid to put you down in case you try to get away. “And I’m not entirely sure I can be anything else at this point.” Jaw working like the admission cost him something, you close your eyes. But… That’s not exactly true is it? He’s been changing, softening every day. Those big hands capable of violence, but never towards you. If he’s been monstrous in his past, that’s not the him you know. Even if those horrors laid out for you can still hurt you, they’re not him anymore. Right? Because you need to believe that or you’ll come apart completely.

• “I want to hear it all from you. The truth, good and bad,” you whisper, a tear sliding down your cheek. Not pushing him away or abandoning him. Not yet and he doesn’t know what to make of you. You already know. Megatron would have told you in grisly detail, so why ask for more pain? Are you trying to understand him? Making an effort to reach out to him still? Servo sliding over your cheek to wipe away the tear, you touch his hand. Remembering your hesitant admission that you liked him what feels like forever ago. He’d never told you how he felt about you in return, though. Not really. Unable to bring himself to admit that he needs you beside him, to make himself vulnerable that way with words. That he can’t sleep without you there, that you’re everything now, his world narrowed down to you, tied to the beat of your heart, to your smiles. It’s why he’d bonded you to him without asking, because he needed you and he was afraid of being denied so he’d taken. Optics shuttering, he sits on the berth with you. And slowly, hesitantly, he begins to speak. To get all the awfulness out.

• It’s funny. Breaking the Seeker’s little pet didn’t give him the satisfaction Megatron expected. Only left him more exhausted than before. Sitting on the edge of his berth, he keeps picturing your eyes leaking. Your pain. And it doesn’t matter. You’re just a human, you’re nothing. But he keeps thinking about it all the same. Telling himself that he doesn’t care. That you’re one more casualty of the war and that those ghosts don’t bother him.

Previous

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[loveaurapearl]

So I was watching the last bit of Scar's Wild Life episode again because one it's amazing since it reveals that Scar is still stuck in Secret Life and two... I'm trying so hard to listen in and understand the last part that Scar said. Scar is so quiet and there are whispers around him that it's kind of hard to understand exactly WHAT his said. So much that I've seen multiple people give their own take on what he said. So I want to analyze each possible thing he said since each implication is very revealing.

Now, these are just guesses on what Scar said since... it's really...really hard to hear what Scar says. The only clear things people agree on hearing are the words Shadow People and the word friends. That's about it. I've seen quiet a few interpretations so here's my analysis on it.

The first interpretation is that Scar is saying. 'The Shadow People, they're my only friends.' This shows that even though Scar cares about the Bamboozlers and Grian, Scar still considers the Shadow people, whoever they are (most likely Watchers which would include Grian), are his only friends. That in his mind, these mysterious people are the only ones he can trust in. Kind of sad.

The second interpretation is that Scar is saying. 'The Shadow People, they're not my friends.' This is the opposite mindset of option one. This shows that Scar is trapped with people he doesn't like and don't consider friends, and yet they still visit him and probably torment him. This is the least likely of the options because of the cadence of Scar's voice I don't hear anything that sounds like the word 'not' or anything similar to the word that would mean this interpretation.

Third and final interpretation I've seen is that Scar is saying. 'The Shadow People, where are my friends?' This means that Scar's confused. Why is he here? Where are his friends? Why aren't they here with him, Shadow People? He's questioning the Shadow people which is fair. This is the first time since Real life that he died in a new game and this time he didn't win. He was unlucky number 13. So he should be with his friends or at least with the other winners. But he's not. He's still in Secret life, pressing the button and tending to his sunflowers.

Out of all the options, I think the first one is the correct answer. I listened to the Audio of Scar's multiple times and I think this is the most likely wording. Based off how the words flow, I think option one is the correct answer. Unforunatly, we'll never know for sure since it was really hard to understand what Scar said. It also stinks since the auto-generated subtitles just say the words Shadow people and kind of cut off from there. If anyone else can understand what Scar said and definitely say what Scar said, please let people know because it's been driving me a little crazy. Anway, that was my tedtalk and let's discuss more about Scar's Wild Life ending and the revolution that Scar is still stuck in Secret Life. Okay. Okay. Have a good day.

[headcanonenthusiast]

Alejandro Vargas NSFW headcanons

This was made with gender-neutral readers in mind.

Ladies, gentleman and everyone in-between, it's him. It's forehead man.

Alejandro is so FINE tho 😍 I'm so excited to be doing headcanons for this man. I'd learn Spanish just for him tbh.

(I completely understand that this type of content is not everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok! But, please scroll and ignore if this type of content isn't your thing as opposed to leaving any sort of negative comments.)

Enjoy!

Nsfw under the cut.

-His hands are absolutely glued to your hips the whole time.

-He gets the widest, most shit-eating grin whenever he manages to hit your g-spot.

-"Listen to those moans. Fuck, is that it? Is that the spot right there, amor?"

-Very confident in the fact that he can make you scream. In fact, he wants you to be loud.

-"Thats it, scream for me. Grita mi nombre. God, the neighbors must be so jealous of me because they aren't the ones making you scream."

-Edges you a lot tbh. Getting to cum immediately w/ him is kinda rare.

-If you make him jealous by talking to someone else, or if you guys just haven't been able to spend time together, he's more likely to edge you for longer.

-"Don't start whining, hermosa/o. You asked for this. Why were you talking to them anyways, hm? Why waste your time on someone like that when you have me?"

-Even if you were just talking to a friend innocently or something, chances of Alejandro's jealousy rising is high.

-He trusts you not to cheat on him, he knows you love him, but that doesn't stop him from being a tiny bit jealous anyway. And that jealously and possessiveness totally seeps into your sex life.

-3 inches soft, 5 inches hard and yall already know it's thick af ( lord.have.mercy🙏🙏🙏🙏)

-The sex is either passionate and rougher or passionate and gentler depending on the mood. But, it's always super passionate. His attention is focused entirely on you, with much deeper strokes if it's gentler.

-Marks you up a lot and doesn't really care who sees them. He wants people to know that you're his.

-"There we go. Look at how pretty your neck is, covered with my hickeys."

-And if you try to wear something that covers the marks, he'll carefully pull it right off of you.

-"No, no. Don't hide the marks, cariño. Why would you be ashamed of showing off how good I make you feel?"

-Will not hesitant to spank you if he doesn't like how you're acting. Slaps your ass and even your pussy/cock with every word he says.

-"Don't use that fucking tone with me. Who do you think you are?"

-Makes you count every slap. If you lose count, he'll start right over and much more harshly. (My dyscalculic ass could never 💀)

-I just know that his ideal introduction to sex is very romantic. Like, candlelight dinner followed by slow dancing that escalates into him carrying you to bed kinda romantic.

-At the end of the day, Alejandro just wants to be close to you. He dislikes quickies for the fact that he wants to spend time and take his time with you. To Alejandro, there's no greater pleasure than the ability to make his partner feel good.

-Will totally worship your body if you're insecure about it. If you ever come to him with your insecurities, his mindset changes from fucking you until the bed breaks to making the sweetest, most tender love imaginable.

-"Aw, look at this body. This gorgeous fucking body. You're crazy for being insecure about all of this."

-"Do you have any idea how many times this body's made me cum? Dios, the thought of this body, the thought of your pussy/dick is enough to make me cum."

-Will also gently massage your thighs as they hug his hips while making love, no matter how big or small they are.

-"Dios mío, these thighs...tan jodidamente increíble."

-Demands that you tell him how amazing you are.

-"Say it, baby. Tell me how beautiful/handsome you are."

-And if you refuse? He'll just keep asking you to, threatening to pull out and not let you finish if you don't.

-"That's not what I asked, mi vida. Say it for me, say how amazing and sexy you are. No dejaré que te corras si no lo haces."

-But the best thing about sex w/ Alejandro if you're feeling insecure and do everything he says? He always let's you cum. Never edges you like he normally would. It's probably because he's not nearly as focused on himself and his own pleasure as he normally would be.

-Enjoys gently cumming inside of you during more gentle sex. Prefers cumming on your pussy/ass/dick or even your chest/belly if it's rougher, though.

-Often shuts his eyes as he finishes, fingers digging into your skin before his grip loosens and his eyes are glued to your face once more. He chuckles while showering your face in kisses, voice hushed and satisfied.

-"Dios mío, that was amazing. Can't believe I'm with someone as wonderful as you, mi amor."

-Almost always hopes you'll agree to taking a bath with him. Like I said, he's all about romantic intercourse, and there's nothing more romantic to Alejandro than getting to wash your body of the mess you've both created.

-And then you're gonna both fall asleep, Alejandro's strong arms wrapped tightly around you while he kisses the back of your neck and shoulders, whispering praises and adoring words.

-Oh, and he usually tries to stay up later than you. Why? Because the look on your face after sex, all satisfied and at total peace, makes him feel accomplished and happy for making you feel good.

Translations: (apologies if anything is inaccurate, online translators can only get you so far :()

Cariño=sweetheart/honey

Amor=love

Hermosa/o=beautiful

Mi vida=my life

Dios/Dios mío=God/my God

Grito mi nombre=Yell out my name

Tan jodidamente increíble=So fucking incredible

No dejaré que te corras si no lo haces=I won't let you cum if you don't

Alejandro has my ❤. He's just so.. 😍

Really enjoyed doing headcanons for him! You can probably tell that I had way more ideas for Alejandro than I did for Gaz (I'm so sorry Gaz enjoyers 😭). I've also intended to do Alejandro for a while, before even Ghost or König. I just did those two first since ik how popular they are.

I'll be doing more headcanons soon, probably more SFW ones, too, because I only have like 2 SFW headcanons on my page 😔.

Feel free to give me suggestions for who to do next!

[saturngas]

Hello! I hope you are well 🩷

E It may sound cliché or a bit stupid, but I'm genuinely curious about the fandom's opinion on Gojo's ideal type. The few things I found are a little shallow and nothing very elaborate, or from a few years ago when we didn't have so much Gojo in the manga. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS? 🥺

gojo’s ideal type

helloooo thank you so much for this ask. I love this kind of asks because they make me think hard hhaha

but anyways I really think gojo wouldn't have like an exact idea of an ideal type regarding personality and appearance, the only thing he would focus on/prefer is that his s/o understands him.

so we are hinted multiple times throughout the whole story that gojo feels alone, especially after geto's departure, and that the main reason is his unreachable strength. he is the strongest sorcerer. he doesn't really look for a super strong partner, but I would definitely think he prefers someone strong or with a cool technique.

some people affirm that gojo values people measuring their strength, and I kind of agree with it, but to say he only see the strength of people is wrong, I would say that he looks for people with potential (like he has stated before with megumi) and definitely people with a strong mindset.

so I really dont wanna make this a gojo's character analysis hahah sorry so ill answer your question directly, just wanted to make that clear before stating my beliefs.

I think gojo would settle for someone who thinks like him, regarding the jujutsu world. he wants to change it, so he wants people who think like him to be next to him.

if that person, like I said before, has a strong mindset and unbreakable personality, I think that would be a huge plus. I feel like gojo likes dense people, someone who doesn't really changes their opinion like super fast, someone in control of their beliefs.

now regarding a bit of personality, I think gojo would get along with almost all personalities. he is very smart and honestly very kind at heart, so he would look for positive traits in every personality. buuuut if I had to be a bit more specific, I think he would like a bit more a woman with a demanding personality. like not exactly someone who is dominant over him, but kind of. hahah he likes seeing someone trying to boss him around considering he is the strongest and can do anything he wants, so meeting someone with such guts makes him wanna know more about that person.

a kind person would also be a plus. well, not exactly super kind, but someone who helps others. lets remember he is a teacher after all, so he would look for someone who cares for others, especially the younger generation. I think he would prefer someone with a similar profession as his. it doesn't have to be an educator just like him, but like I said before, someone who cares for the youth.

a bit of an unpopular opinion hehe but I simply cant see gojo with someone who doesn't have a similar humor as his. like we always see people getting annoyed at gojo for being such an idiot, so I really think his partner needs to-has to be just as silly and goofball as he is. like someone who supports his jokes and antics. I cant see him with someone super serious or someone who is plainly boring.

I think the perfect match for gojo is someone with the same energetic and passionate energy as him. he would love someone who is also clingy or physical as him, I feel like he loves giving and receiving physical affection. that doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate the other love languages, but I think he loves receiving touches, words of affirmation, and service acts.

so in summary, I think gojo's ideal type would be someone who agrees with him/has the same purpose as him regarding the corrupted jujutsu sorcery, someone who is fraternal and supportive of the youth, someone who can match his silly and quirky personality, someone with a corresponding humor as his, someone physically and emotionally strong, someone passionate and intense about their own dreams and goals, someone who understands his position as the strongest and is there next to him anytime he needs reassurance, someone who can read him easily since he isn't overly open, and someone who would love him and demonstrate love just as him or even more (he would love that).

I definitely think he is a tits guy.

taglist: @snwvie @fanficsforkicks @soulaires <3 so guys right now im out of town so I won't be making super long and specific content for a few days. but once I get back to home ill be working on parts 2 of some fics :))

[ellie-shy]

I get it. I understand Lucanis now. I understand him. So. Much.

I just finished his quest Inner Demons and locked into his romance. And I cried. I legit cried while doing his personal quest. Because I felt it. It felt so personal, to Lucanis, and to myself.

I'm gonna pour my heart out under the cut because Lucanis has just ranked up so high into one of my favourite fictional characters ever. And that means a lot to me.

When I played my first playthrough (and of course avoiding spoilers) I saved Minrathous. And I was devasted to see how Treviso looked in the aftermath. Then, Lucanis was hardened. I know that there will be consequences with Luc's arc but I was not sure what it will be. So, after finishing the other companions' personal quest and getting the Hero of Veilguard for everyone... except Lucanis. I really thought after defeating Illario I would get the Hero status with him, but nooooo. Only after finishing the main quest, I got it. But, I felt something was... missing. Something was missing with Luc's arc, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Thus, I finished my first playthrough.

Understandable, I did hardened Lucanis. But it got me so curious... what was it that's missing in Lucanis's personal questline?

Then I made my dear dwarven Grey Warden warrior Rook : Juliet Thorne, to romance him.

And I finally got to the Inner Demons quest, a quest that I never done before (and also tried so hard to avoid spoilers before doing it 😂).

Hold my hand while I confess this. I cried. I really cried when doing Inner Demons. This is what I was missing in my first playthrough?? Helping Lucanis escaped from his inner prison???

Inner Demons felt so personal. Like deeply personal. My Rook is actively involving herself into Lucanis's deep and personal thoughts. And you know what made me cry even more? This quest felt personal to me too.

I also understand Spite now!!! Why he wants OUT!! He didn't just want to go out in the world through Lucanis, he can't even go out of the Ossuary that Lucanis has made for himself, his own turmoil and guilt 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I get it now 😭 Oh God do I get it now (still crying btw).

Spite wanted to go out and it knows that they aren't in the Ossuary anymore, but why does Spite keep seeing the Ossuary? That is what made Spite so frustrated! Until Spite was desperate enough to ask for Rook's help because Spite knows, Rook "opens doors, never closing them" 😭 Spite knows the only way to get through Lucanis, is through Rook.

Lucanis, has made a giant wall to protect himself from everyone. Including Spite. He self-isolates, to the point of pushing Rook away. But he didn't mean it. Lucanis has a heart of gold. He is kind, he remembers my Rook's chocolate drink, he cooks for everyone, he considers Emmrich's vegetarian preferences, he buys things for the team, he isolates himself in the pantry because he doesn't want to cause trouble to anyone. He is a selfless bastard that's willing to sacrifice his happiness and comfort for everyone around him. Why? Because he thinks he doesn't deserve it. 😭 This mindset has developed after years of trauma. Years of training and torture... so he can be perfect. If he can't be perfect (which is the very high standard and expectation that he has set for himself), then he can never have happiness. At least that's what he thought. And I get it, because I have this trauma too.

This is why he punished himself so much. He was rescued by Rook and lived, but has a demon inside him. His city is saved, but at the cost of Neve's city. He made a god bleed, but didn't kill the god as per the contract. He killed Zara, his abuser, but he was devastated that Illario, his family, was involved. Every single time, everytime Lucanis thought he had a moment of victory/happiness, it will be at the cost of another he cared for. And he punished himself again, and again. Trying so hard to solve his own problems without involving anyone, and never asking for help. And that's why he pushed Rook away, he can't lose another person he cared for. Because he is such a selfless man!

I felt this, his trauma, fear and anxiety, I can relate with Lucanis. This feeling will eat you from the inside. It will make you develop a sense of self-hate, low self-esteem, not being satisfied with everything you have done and etc etc. It will drown you, literally, within your own spiral of self-hate. I cried while playing the Inner Demons quest, because it felt so personal to me too, as if I'm drowning again. But visualizing it with Lucanis this time. And hey, the Ossuary is an underwater prison. Lucanis is drowning.

And it's hard, you know. Because you will feel like no one is gonna help you other than yourself. Yet, you can't even save yourself. Lucanis couldn't save himself.

Until Rook.

The way that Lucanis just kept pushing her away, but my Rook just kept breaking down every single wall he built. Reassuring him, acknowledging him, supporting him, validating him, every step of the way. Rook didn't give up on him. Rook cares for him, so deeply. And nothing can stop her from reaching to Lucanis. Lucanis was so scared to lose Rook, or something would happen -- but Rook knows, it's gonna be okay.

I cried again because... to have someone like Rook, who willingly bring down every wall you make, carefully guiding you out of the place that's drowning you... that's special. That's very special. Rook is so special to Lucanis. Whether he was romanced or not, Rook is special. I was so happy for Lucanis, he has found someone, that will bring down his walls, that rescued him from drowning, that reassures him that he is enough. Because he is enough. And he will be okay.

This quest is so personal to me. Lucanis is a fictional character that resonates with me, so deeply. I understand him better now, because I see myself in Lucanis, and the experience he has been through are so similar with mine irl (minus being possessed ofc haha). It felt so validating, knowing that I am not alone. But don't worry about me, I'm in my own healing journey too <3 The moment I bawled my eyes out was when reading his thoughts fragments. My actual thoughts that time was "why does these thoughts sound so much like mine?".

Now I finally understand what was missing in my 1st playthrough. Knowing Lucanis, he built a wall to Rook, because he just lost his city. He has to put his guard up to Rook because he knows, no one will save him. Eventhough, in the end, he does trusts Rook, but not enough to bring his walls down. And that's valid, because I would do the same.

This is what makes his romance so meaningful and deep. He is vulnerable to a romanced Rook. He trusts Rook wholeheartedly. Literally, placing his heart on his hands and presenting it to them. Rook freed him from his inner demon (which was actually, himself), and guess what happens next? Lucanis would literally worship the ground Rook walks on. Let me tell you something, to achieve this level of trust in a relationship with someone like Lucanis, is otherworldly. I can't explain how meaningful Rook is to Lucanis. Perhaps even Rook wouldn't know how important they are to Lucanis. Only Lucanis knows how much Rook means to him. And me, the player.

Lucanis is a man that's going to treat you right. He would cook for you, he would take care of you, he would waste his time with you, he would do anything you ask. He would live for you, he would die for you, he would kill any gods you ask to keep you safe. His words and actions carry weight. Lucanis is indeed a passionate man, but his passion is only for the person that deserves it... a romanced Rook.

This is such an emotional post, but I just want to express how this short 'outing' quest means a lot to me. I won't go into detail on how much similarities I have with him. Just let me say this, I see myself in Lucanis Dellamorte, and I'm happy that I'm not alone going through the journey of healing my inner self.

Let me be hopeful, that one day, I will find my own Rook <3

[evilbihan]

Kuai Liang is not "nice"

This is technically the second part of my character analysis for Kuai Liang, so be sure to check out the first part focusing on Kuai Liang's personality, goals and his relationship with his brothers and Harumi.

This part will focus on how Kuai Liang treats other characters and upon closer inspection, the image of the "sweet wholesome guy everyone adores" that the fandom crafted for him starts to crumble very quickly.

Kitana and Mileena:

Mileena: My bond with Kitana can't be broken. Scorpion: I'd once thought the same of mine with Bi-Han.

Why exactly is Kuai Liang trying to make Mileena doubt Kitana's loyalty to her? We have all seen Kitana's tower ending. She has gone out of her way to secure her sister's reign, she defends Mileena fiercely and is genuinely worried about her. It upsets her to see other members of the court conspiring against her sister. Kitana is nothing but loyal to Mileena, in a way Kuai Liang was never loyal to Bi-Han.

"I'm disappointed in my brother's decisions and therefore everyone else's siblings suck too." That's not a healthy or mature mindset. He's projecting his own family issues onto Mileena and Kitana, who actually share a wholesome bond, and tries to create distrust and dispute where there is none. And why? Out of jealousy? It's hard to tell, but this was uncalled for.

It's particularly awful because Kitana is actually trying to help fix Kuai Liang's relationship with his own brother while it seems Kuai Liang is trying to ruin hers with Mileena.

Kitana: You've broken Kuai Liang's heart. Sub-Zero: It won't be the only part of him I damage.

Kitana: I understand congratulations are in order. Scorpion: How did news of my marriage reach Outworld?

Kitana: Weapons. Soldiers. Whatever you -- Scorpion: I have all that I need to defeat Bi-Han.

She's also offering him her and Outworld's support and is really just being nice to him, yet he never once shows gratitude and even tries to plant doubts about her in her sister's mind behind her back.

Nitara:

Scorpion: If you would only feed on lower species -- Nitara: Humans are a lower species.

"Lower species"? What species exactly is Kuai Liang talking about here? What's his definition of a lower species? Tarkatans? Netherrealmers? One could assume he means animals, but then why doesn't he say so? Instead, he's using a term that's often used in f*cist language. Who or what he's referring to isn't specified either, but it's definitely a questionable choice of words regardless.

Let's be honest, the mindset that there's "lower species" that are not deserving of life, as Kuai Liang basically implies by claiming Nitara should feed on them instead, says quite a lot about the kind of person he is. No matter what he's speaking of here, I still think this is pretty fucked up from any standpoint, especially because Kuai Liang doesn't explicitly say that he's talking about animals.

This is just my opinion, but even if he were to "only" be talking about animals here, I think it's downright wrong to say any animals are a "lower species", given the fact that we very much depend on certain animals for our own survival. Even if we give Kuai Liang the benefit of the doubt, he still sounds incredibly uneducated and ignorant. To not value the life of other creatures is not a good look on him, but then again we've seen how much he values his own brother's life so the bar is quite literally in hell.

Raiden:

Scorpion: Liu Kang's revelation has shaken my faith in him. Raiden: Understandable, given what he chose to hide.

Reptile: Am I right to put faith in Liu Kang? Scorpion: He's always proven worthy of mine.

Oh, has he now?

Kuai Liang is beginning to sound two-faced. He's certainly not conflicted because he still continues to follow Liu Kang and advices others to do the same. He also doesn't openly criticize or doubt Liu Kang like Tomáš and Bi-Han do. But he himself has lost some of his faith in Liu Kang, yet he judges Bi-Han for having done the same thing? Where does any of that make sense?

Bi-Han:

Scorpion: You would shed your brother's blood? Sub-Zero: Because you choose to stand in my way.

The first blood shed was Bi-Han's, not Kuai Liang's, but because Bi-Han doesn't bear a visible scar, no one acknowledges that.

Kuai Liang is once again showing manipulative behavior here. Blaming everything on his brother and pretending he did nothing wrong. Guilt tripping Bi-Han for something he himself has done.

Kuai Liang's actions are not even the biggest problem here. You can somehow justify what he did with him being hurt/angry when he found out about the true circumstances of his father's death. It's the fact that he refuses to take any responsibility for what he did and acts completely innocent although he's anything but, that shows he's not who the fandom makes him out to be.

Even Bi-Han stands by what he does. Kuai Liang can't even own up to his actions.

Liu Kang:

Liu Kang: You allow vengeance to consume you. Scorpion: I should not punish Bi-Han for his crimes?

So, Liu Kang seems concerned with Kuai Liang's thirst for vengeance. What's even more noteworthy is that we have Kuai Liang, a mortal, speak to Liu Kang, a literal god, about punishing someone else as if he's entitled to do so? Should it not be up to Liu Kang to decide whether Bi-Han deserves forgiveness or punishment? Do we need to add a god complex to the list of Kuai Liang's flaws?

There's nothing honorable about vengeance. It's honorable to be the bigger person and to forgive.

As Chinese philosopher Confucius said:

“Love thy neighbour as thyself: Do not do to others what thou wouldst not wish be done to thyself: Forgive injuries. Forgive thy enemy, be reconciled to him, give him assistance, invoke God in his behalf.”

Kuai Liang has none of that honor he claims to value.

Tanya:

Tanya: Liu Kang says we can trust you. Kuai Liang: As long as Outworld's goals don't conflict with Earthrealm's.

Let me translate it: "No, you can't. I'll stop being a reliable ally and might betray you as soon as our interests no longer align." Which is fair enough, he doesn't owe Outworld his loyalty. It's, however, funny that that's exactly what Bi-Han did with Liu Kang/Earthrealm too, but for some reason Kuai Liang is still delusional enough to think he's a more honorable man than his brother?

Kung Lao:

Kung Lao: I bet I could be Shirai Ryu. Scorpion: First, you must learn humility.

Also Scorpion:

Ashrah: I'd do well to follow your example. Scorpion: Then start by studying my kombat.

Quan Chi: Your brother told me of all your weaknesses. Scorpion: A short conversation, sorcerer?

Kuai Liang is a hypocrite who doesn't practice what he preaches. These are just two of many dialogues in which he comes off as overly confident and boastful. He will try to force his own values and ideals onto others but will not uphold them himself. These dialogues are not even the only example of his hypocrisy, but more of that to come later.

Smoke and the Shaolin monks:

Scorpion: Was it worth it, training with the Shaolin? Smoke: Let me show you what I learned.

Yet another example for Kuai Liang's arrogance. "Was it worth it?" What's that even supposed to mean? Admittedly, this might not sound as bad compared to everything else he's said but I invite you to go and listen to this specific intro and pay attention to the tone of his voice. To me, it very much sounds like, as a former Lin Kuei, he thinks there's nothing the monks can teach him and Tomáš anymore and therefore he sees training with them as a waste of time. Overall, Kuai Liang seems to hold little respect for his allies. He might not outright say it, but there's definitely a superiority complex there.

Johnny:

Scorpion: Your mansion was unduly extravagant. Johnny Cage: It came with the megastardom. Package deal.

What gives Kuai Liang the right to judge Johnny for what he does with his money that he's earned from his movies? Judging people and acting like he has the moral high ground over them in any situation is something Kuai Liang does a lot. That alone might not automatically make him a bad person, but it's tasteless and impolite nonetheless.

Johnny Cage: With your skills you'd be a hit, Kuai Liang. Scorpion: Do I look like an entertainer?

Again, if you listen to the actual intro, the distaste in his voice is obvious. He seems to not have much respect for Johnny's profession or for most of his allies' professions, really. Remember his reaction to Tomáš training with the Shaolin monks?

Rain:

Scorpion: Like a dog, you bit the hand that fed you. Rain: You've no right to judge me, Earthrealmer.

He doesn't -- because did Kuai Liang not do the same to Bi-Han? It doesn't matter that Bi-Han chose the wrong side, Kuai Liang's oath was to his grandmaster, not to Earthrealm. Bi-Han broke his oath to Earthrealm and by breaking his own oath to his brother, Kuai Liang is no better. And as I already explained in the first part of my analysis, Kuai Liang always meant to overthrow Bi-Han, even before Bi-Han abandoned his duties to defend Earthrealm. Bi-Han gave in to corruption and became a traitor, Kuai Liang was always a traitor in disguise. Kuai Liang is yet again being a hypocrite in this situation and displays double standards.

Kenshi:

Scorpion: Do not let Sento become a crutch. Kenshi: I could win this fight with or without it.

Does anyone else think this comment sounds a lot like ableism? Who is he to tell a disabled man how to handle his disability? Kenshi is a badass, he's proven that countless of times and he doesn't need Kuai Liang's advice, but Kuai Liang has a habit of acting like he knows better than others.

Bi-Han (again):

Shang Tsung: It was all too simple, pulling your brother's strings. Kuai Liang: It sickens me that he was so easily exploited.

Bi-Han fell victim to Shang Tsung's manipulation, yet here Kuai Liang is, blaming the victim. Meanwhile, Tomáš:

Smoke: I rue the day I ever met you. Quan Chi: No sense dwelling on the past, Tomáš.

Tomáš regrets ever meeting the sorcerers because he rightfully blames the people responsible for this whole mess, Shang Tsung and Quan Chi, not Bi-Han. Kuai Liang is miles away from the same level of emotional maturity Tomáš has.

Scorpion: "Bi-Han's trail has led me to Sun Do." Li Mei: "I'll abide no vigilante justice, Kuai Liang."

Scorpion: If you know where he is, tell me. General Shao: As if I would spill your brother's secrets.

Scorpion: I need help to find Bi-Han. Johnny Cage: Y'know I was only a TV detective, right?

Kuai Liang is making his own family feud everyone else's problem.

SPOILERS: At the same time, when Bi-Han will crash Kuai Liang's wedding in the dlc according to leaks, Kuai Liang will "apologize" to those who attended that they got dragged into his war with Bi-Han, once again painting his brother as the villain. Could he be any more duplicitous? I think the main reason why Smoke is not mentioned in any leaks is because the writers might deliberately not want him to be there because the way Kuai Liang acts (wanting to kill Frost, leaving Bi-Han to suffer and die) would go against everything Tomáš believes in and they can't have someone make Scorpion look bad, so they decided to just have Tomáš not be there at all. If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what will.

Kuai Liang:

Scorpion: I won't be consumed by vengeance. Scorpion: How can your father's death not burn you.

You know it's bad when your own alternate self starts judging you and criticizing your ways.

Geras:

Scorpion: I want to see the moment my father died. Geras: You are not ready to receive that knowledge.

I wonder why Geras denied Kuai Liang's request. Is he concerned that actually witnessing the event will make Kuai Liang lose his mind completely and he will make even more of an effort to kill Bi-Han? He surely seems to think Kuai Liang is too unstable to receive that information. But then again, Kuai Liang already wants to kill Bi-Han, he already tried to do it and he already knows what happened. When will he be ready in Geras' opinion? Once he already forgave Bi-Han (which seems like it won't happen at all)? Would that not just reignite his old hatred? Could it be that there's more to the death of Kuai Liang's father than we know? Is there something Geras is trying to hide from Kuai Liang on purpose?

Ashrah:

Ashrah: Bi-Han can be redeemed. Scorpion: I don't see how that's possible.

It sounds a lot like Kuai Liang doesn't want it to be possible. He wants to deny his brother a chance at redemption. He's also once again acting like he knows better than everyone else. It's getting to the point where he seems self-righteous and out of touch with reality.

So, tell me again, after all that, why are we calling Kuai Liang a nice guy?

To conclude this, Kuai Liang only appears "nice" in direct comparison to Bi-Han, not necessarily because he's a better person, he's just the more agreeable one of the two. Take Bi-Han out of the picture and it's plain to see Kuai Liang is really not that nice. I also don't see how Kuai Liang is the poor, traumatized victim that never did anything wrong in his life, as fans like to describe him as. Yes, he suffered as well, but victims can also become aggressors. There are plenty of situations in which that's the case for Kuai Liang. Again, this is not hate or an attempt to completely demonize him, just to show that the fandom has a wrong idea of who Kuai Liang is and what he's like.

[lttleghost]

okay I'm like complaining again but I wanna hear other ppls thoughts on this because I'm too impatient to wait until I've gone through all the commentary for BrBa and BCS in search of answers to confirm or deny my suspicions but GOD A FEW THINGS ARE DRIVING ME INSANE and I apologize for this ramble being maybe a lil disjointed in advance

so like, first, this scene-

if I look at this realistically it reads as Jake misinterpreting his and Jesse's parents talking about how Jesse's actions reflect back on them as genuine care, he's young, and I can imagine him having some insecurity in his parents care for him since we do know it is conditional, just Jake is currently meeting those conditions, but sensing that instability could've maybe influenced how he understood his parents talk of his older sibling.

but I just am having a hard time convincing myself that was intended when it was written... and this assessment from me could be unfair because - while I'm not quite sure at what point Jesse was no longer planned to be killed at the end of the first season - this does come from that first season, and I've heard there was a change in how Jesse was written after the first season and throughout the rest of the show there is NO evidence that Jesse's parents like, actually give a fuck about him, they actively make his life worse like when they kicked him out of his own goddamn house, and that all seems like those things have to be intended to make you think "wow Jesse's parents are awful!!!"

but then, not for me to complain about these two scenes in El Camino again but I'm gonna complain about these two scenes in El Camino again -

followed by this not too long after

because while if this movies thing of having blame being squared on Jesse's shoulders was just him talking to his parents it'd be easier to say "oh this is just a kid who was abused in a socially acceptable way not recognizing the abuse he went through and how that really did have a major effect on his life trajectory" but when these two scenes are put so close together it makes it really hard for me to not think that it's TRYING to say that Jesse is responsible for where he ended up even if they don't necessarily want bad things to happen to him

cause like I know, I know the writers are sympathetic towards Jesse but I don't think being sympathetic towards a character like him makes you immune to having harmful beliefs about addicts and criminals when they're so prevalent in wider society, like especially the idea that changing actions taken by individual people is the main problem that needs to be dealt with wrt addiction and crime instead of changing the structural problems that result in addiction and crime, like I've seen this mindset present in the fandom as well

I mean I know I have some evidence that at least Vince's ideas on justice aren't great with this bit from an interview about El Camino (also him having Jesse specifically say "I'm no cop killer" when Jesse would definitely know how cops are just another violent gang, like he could've just said "I don't want to kill anyone" instead of having cops on some higher level of innocence)

like I dunno believing at all that there's a good way to end with Jesse in prison (and not as a way to show how awful prison is either, since he talked about the idea of Jesse finally finding some sort of peace in prison sleeping) is kinda fucked up!!! I do want to fight him for this alone!!! even if like glad he changed it but I dunno the fact that he believes this just makes it easy to believe that he really would!! blame Jesse to at least some extent for what he got into, like I think that he understands Walt manipulated Jesse but I just, I dunno!!! things in BCS kinda bother me too irt just general ideas of crime and drug use ect... but I'm much less familiar with that show in comparison to BrBa so I don't feel as comfortable pointing specific things in it

like... do Vince Gilligan and the writers of Breaking Bad see Jesse’s parents as shit parents who were abusive in a socially acceptable way? or do they really think that they really did their best? is it somewhere in-between? like "they were abusive but they still didn't know any better"? or maybe is it as bad as believing Jesse's parents tried their best and them being rich is supposed to show that he had all he needed to succeed and was just a fuckup (instead of it showing that his parents had all the resources they needed to help him and... didn't) am I just overreacting because I am protective of my girl and the people that I know exist like him and am suspicious of those writing about them if I don't know all their politics behind the subject? I know I've talked to some ppl who have vindicated me w/ some of this but please share ur opinions I want to know the wider ideas on this since I feel like I just don't see it discussed that often

[dotthings]

Okay, strap in, I'm going deep dive on Dean and Cas during their S15 breakup and going to address some things about The Trap. (It's long, there's a lot to unpack).

Castiel: What he did wasn't bad. It was the absence of good. And I saw that in him. But we were a family, and I didn't want to lose that, so I thought I could fix it on my own. Felt like it was my responsibility. So I left. And I didn't tell you. If I could go back and just -- just talk to him right then and there, I would. But I can't, Dean. I failed you. And I failed Jack. And I failed --

(14.18, Absence)

What Cas was about to say it seems, when Dean cut him off, was that he failed Mary, along with Dean, and Jack.

Cas is fully acknowledging his culpability and his failures.

His clinging to the idea he had to fix it on his own is similar to his S6 mindsets, but with way less hubris. This isn't about his hubris, but it's a holdover of Cas's stubbornness.

It's not true there was no growth. There's no arrogance in Cas now. That doesn't mean he's over all his neurosis. That's not how this works. But it's not the same as the past.

Why is Cas expected to be over everything and never backslide from some people, while Dean gets sympathy and understanding when he does? Neither of them cleanly break from their traumas and old patterns, they do grow, they do move forward, it's not repeating the same.

It's also patently untrue that Cas never owns up to his mistakes, never apologizes, never suffers consequences. Cas has owned up to his mistakes. Even sometimes pulls penance down on himself on purpose.

He doesn't just play at being sorry.

Dean's subjective pov from years ago (from late S7), at a point where Dean was understandably and rightfully hurt, frustrated, angry, but also scared for Cas, so he lashes out, terrified because Cas was suffering from PTSD, unable to fight, and he isn't the Cas he knows. He knows something's wrong. So Dean threw a board game onto the floor. It was all completely understandable to me and I felt for Dean. But it's interesting how this gets weaponized against Cas so people can claim Cas isn't actually sorry he just plays at being sorry, as if this is exposing some deep objective Truth, just like people take Dean's words in The Rupture that Cas is always the screw up as some deep objective Truth. When Dean is speaking from hurt, anger, fear.

Cas repeatedly apologizes to Dean in early S15.

He is not huffy because Dean didn't insta-forgive him.

The moment that broke Cas, where he decided to leave, was when he perceived Dean's walls against him to be so high and so rigid, Cas lost hope that anything would get better, that he could ever be forgiven. He really thought it was all over.

Remember that Dean already said, if Mary's dead, "you're dead to me" Remember Dean just said to Cas, "why does that something always seem to be you" about things going wrong, saying Cas is always the screw up.

Cas did not leave because Dean was mad at him.

Cas endured Dean being mad at him for how many episodes, late S14 through early S15, he didn't tell Dean he had no right to be, he didn't run away from it, he endured, and he repeatedly apologized.

Why did Cas leave, why did he leave, not because he saw Dean was angry. But because he lost hope.

Cas wasn't wrong to put some space, that's right for Dean as well as Cas, at that point, but he was wrong in his perceptions, and Cas's perceptions are heavily driven by his insecurities.

The same reasons that partly drove why he latched onto Jack so hard--loneliness, a need to feel useful, a need to feel needed.

While he's away Cas realizes he was wrong to give up. He gets a tiny sign that Dean still cares, and he comes back to try to fix it instead of running away.

It's not true there is no growth.

Cas goes back, things are tense but they are able to work together for a greater good and greater emergency.

And Cas volunteers to stand at Dean's side and return with Dean to Purgatory, where the leviathans who very specifically and personally hate Cas's guts and they all want him destroyed exist.

Don't tell me!!! Cas doesn't care about Dean!!!!!!

Dean wants to split up. He's still mad at Cas, he's allowed. But Cas rightfully points out that's more dangerous than staying together.

Don't tell me there's no growth!!!

In their first trip to Purgatory, Cas ran from Dean, to try to protect Dean. Despite Dean regarding it as abandonment, before Dean knew why Cas ignored his prayers every night, he still ransacked Purgatory, torturing monsters, looking for Cas. Refused to leave Purgatory without Cas. Even though he was angry and hurt.

When he finds Cas and Cas tells him the reason he hid from Dean--trying to draw the leviathans, to keep them away from Dean to protect Dean, Dean is absolutely gobsmacked.

This time, Cas knows it's better if they stay together. That he can protect Dean better if they stay together.

They have this conversation in Purgatory:

CAS: Well, this place will bring that out in you. Guilt. It was my fault the Leviathan got out. It was my fault we were here the first time. I carry that guilt every day. DEAN: I know you're sorry, Cas. About Bel, about Mom. CAS: I was talking about Jack. I already apologized to you. You just refused to hear it.

Let's unpack what is being said here. Cas comments on how Purgatory is a place that brings out feelings of guilt. He then acknowledges his culpability for S6, the leviathans, and that it was his fault he and Dean wound up thrown there at the end of S7. Dean says he already knows Cas is sorry about the screw up concerning Cas impulsively burning up Bel, and about what happened to Mary. Cas says he was thinking of his feelings of guilt about Jack, that he already apologized to Dean for the other things. And accuses Dean of not listening to him. Which isn't really true, but as far as Cas knows it's true because he has no way of knowing Dean really heard him, because Dean was putting up walls of iron.

DEAN: Sorry I brought it up. Maybe if you didn't just up and leave us. CAS: You didn't give me a choice. You couldn't forgive me. And you couldn't move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn't stop me.

Getting down to the real roots of it now, Dean lets out a little confession. He's hurt about Cas leaving.

After Dean said "you're dead to me," after Dean said Cas is always the problem. Dean's mad at Cas, he's also mad at Cas for leaving. Get out--no wait, where are you going why are you leaving me.

Again, Dean is understandably hurt and he is really going through it with the inner conflict. He has rights to all his feelings. Pushing Cas away and wanting/needing him to stay at the same time, I can understand how Dean would be so conflicted.

There's nothing from either of them I don't understand, or that isn't understandable or sympathetic.

And Cas points that out, that Dean was putting up such high walls, Cas didn't know what else to do except leave. Is Cas being completely fair in how he words it? No. He's not immune to subjectivity and speaking from a place of hurt and frustration and fear of being rejected and making assumptions.

But he's not mad at Dean for being angry and this isn't canon saying Dean is wrong to be angry. "You couldn't move on" "you were too angry"--This was not a reprimand on Dean being angry. This was Cas explaining why he left. Cas left (as Cas explains) because a) it seemed self evident to Cas that Dean was never going to forgive him b) it seemed self evident to Cas that Dean was so angry at Cas there was no hope to fix it and that Dean no longer wanted him there.

It seems like a really bad faith reading to me to accuse Cas here of lecturing Dean on his anger, when what is actually happening is Cas is explaining why he left, because he can see Dean is hurt that Cas left.

And why is it from some people Dean is allowed his insecurities, his anger, his fears, but Cas has to be absolutely perfect and has to speak perfectly and without any subjectiveness, projections, or misunderstandings, at all times?

Cas feels deeply, as Dean does. He has feelings. He's a fully fleshed out character, as Dean is. A complicated character, and like Dean, with his own buzzing nest of trauma and insecurities in his brain.

"I left but you didn't stop me" finally Cas really getting to the heart of the thing. The actual root thing bothering him. Not that Dean was angry. It's that Dean let him leave without saying anything to try to stop him.

While Dean is hurt and feeling abandoned because Cas left.

This isn't about anger shaming Dean at all.

Cas isn't angry at Dean for being angry.

It is as simple in fact as Cas's fear of being unwanted, and wanting Dean to ask him to stay, and Dean's fear of being abandoned, and wanting Cas not to leave.

And then there's Dean's desperate prayer to Cas, which is another highly misunderstood scene, which gets taken as Dean "groveling" begging for Cas's forgiveness when it's entirely about Dean's own need to give forgiveness to Cas. Maybe, somewhat, saying what Cas needs to hear so Cas will stay, but it is most of all about what Dean needed to say, the same as Cas's happiness was saying what he did to Dean in 15.18. Just getting to say it. And having it be heard, is enough.

Because beneath all that absolutely justifiable anger and hurt, Dean doesn't want to lose Cas, he never actually meant for Cas to leave, didn't actually deep down want Cas to leave, and he doesn't want to lose Cas forever to Purgatory.

And Dean has a lot of fears about his anger. That he's nothing but anger, that he's only good for killing monster. This is Dean, who thinks he's "poison," who thinks people he loves are better off away from him. That isn't authorial voice. That is Dean's own fears. He can't see his own love, his own big heart. He can't see his own kindness and empathy and how deeply he loves and feels and his own goodness.

But Cas can. Cas never doubted that Dean was good or that Dean is the most caring loving human ever, what Cas doubted was about Dean still caring about him.

And then he realized he was wrong. Before Purgatory II, before hearing Dean's prayer even, he already figured out he was wrong in his assumptions on how Dean felt about him, but Dean still needed to say it, and I think Cas did need to hear it even if he already knew.

How people think Dean's anger is a late seasons invention utterly baffles me. But it's not that Dean being angry is wrong, it's that how people express their anger has ripple effects. Because that's true of everyone!!!!!!! If this reads to people as "anger shaming" then they are endorsing the idea that people should just let their anger eat them alive and destroy everything, burn it all down, no matter how much harm it does for the person who is angry.

What Dean is scared of is that his anger, the way it expressed, the hard walls he put up, the words he said, going against what was actually deep in his heart, chased Cas away when he didn't mean for that to happen.

Dean could have yelled at Cas and giving him the cold shoulder in the bunker and Cas would have endured it, if Cas hadn't gotten the impression Dean absolutely no longer wanted him around.

Is Cas completely blameless? Of course not. He made his mistakes. And he could have been more perceptive about Dean and not let his own insecurities dominate how he views things but given how driven by insecurities Dean's pov on Cas is, how is it people want to turn Cas into the monster, and only comprehend Dean, when Cas is a mirror to Dean?

Some truly can't let go of the idea that Cas into an unfeeling monster who doesn't really love Dean, that Cas is selfish and manipulative and abusive and that he doesn't care about Dean.

I want to go out into the woods and scream.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

There's a little something about Izzy giving Lucius that wooden shark in s2e5 that I don't think I've ever seen mentioned before, but I think it's very interesting - it's also an apology, in Izzy's own weird way.

At the beginning of this episode, Lucius is furious that Ed's being allowed to stay, and he's upset when no one else seems to agree with him. Even Jim, who gave Ed a hard time to his face, says to Lucius that they actually thought his apology was pretty good! So Lucius goes to Izzy, the meanest guy he knows, and Izzys is kinda a massive dick to him. He implies that Lucius doesn't belong on a pirate ship ("I'm a pirate and it's a pirate ship, so I'm cool with it") and belittles Lucius' feelings, making fun of him for still being angry and upset.

But Izzy's thing in this episode, aside from comically failing to teach Stede anything, is he's trying to impress on Stede through the cursed suit plotline that Stede needs to pay more attention to how the crew feels, even if he doesn't feel the same way. Now, that's certainly a bit rich, coming from Mr. massage-the-crew-by-yanking-their-beards-and-calling-Ed-insane over here, but it feels like Izzy's actually starting to take it to heart.

Because when Lucius comes to him again, having failed to get closure by pushing Ed overboard and having gotten into a fight with Pete because he's just staying trapped in a toxic mindset, Izzy doesn't react the same way as he did earlier. Now, he's still weird as fuck about it, it's impossible for this guy to be normal about literally anything I think, but Lucius is really fucking hurting and confused and it's starting to escalate. Lucius suggests they physically harm Ed to punish him, and coming from our guy Lucius that's wild. Izzy would never ever ever admit to anyone his role in what happened with Ed, I don't think he even has the self-awareness for it, but he is getting to a point where he can admit that losing his leg was his own damn fault. Nothing that happened to Lucius was his fault, but Izzy's learned a lesson from what's happened to him, and it's a very Izzy kind of lesson - sometimes you just have to move the fuck on, because if you dwell too much it'll just hurt you worse.

Giving Lucius that carved shark was a very kind sort of apology, genuinely. It's like Izzy's saying sorry for being a dick without having to say it with this little thing he worked on to make Lucius feel better. It's a reminder that there's no point in dwelling until it consumes you, and it's a huge improvement on Izzy's part - he's able to understand Lucius' hurt and he doesn't mock him for it. It helps that, combined with what Pete told him about being so absorbed in what happened that he's unable to live, it's the push Lucius needed to start looking forward to a future again.

[daretoassume]

hello, i hope you're doing well. my english is not the best so i apologize. i've been on the loa side of tumblr for some time and one thing that has stuck with me the most is "once you know you've the ultimate power, you will view your imagination as your true reality" and the thing is that i understand his and i understand that we're conditioned to be realistic and believe the opposite of what loa teaches since day 1. but what i don't understand is how do you or anyone who has been successfully manifesting be in *that* state where things happening in your reality doesn't phase you? how do you be so sure of your imagination that you surrender to it? majority of the people i see here view loa as a back up option of some sorts. it's like "if i don't complete this assignment by today, i'll just manifest that the deadline extends" instead of "i don't have to complete my assignment because the assignment is already completed/doesn't even exist in the first place". i really struggle with understanding and being on board with the contradicting opinions and actions of people on the same subject. i've manifested some things but even today in order to be in that state or mindset, i need to listen to a subliminal or do mediation. so, i'm really curious as to how it all comes naturally to everyone. i'm so sorry for the long ask but i hope you can provide your input.

hellooo angel, one thing i always remind myself is that i shouldn't apply logic to something profound. try to take everything you are learning lightly. be so light about it.

1. to be in the state where things don't bother me, no matter what is happening, was a habit i developed over time. i understand that i must constantly choose the reality i prefer, and for me to do that, i can't be phased by whatever is happening outside of me when everything i ever wanted is already done, already experienced, in my inner world.

this was a hard lesson for me (it was tied to my core belief). of course, that's just how i went through it, and i want to be transparent because it's not just about the law of assumption—i mixed in everything i learned about personal growth and loa.

now, i’m not saying you or anyone else has to go through the same process, but that's how i molded my beliefs.

2. when it comes to back-up options, it's all about preference— what you prefer to experience in your reality. some people place conditions or limitations on their reality, so they might choose what feels like the path of least resistance. either way, it's done.

3. if you believe subliminals or meditations help you, and if you think they are the path of least resistance, then go ahead. but you really don't need them. your desires—everything you want to experience—are already yours. it's done, it's solidified. you don't need to impose these unspoken rules on yourself to experience it. you are already experiencing it in your imagination. these unspoken rules and conditions are only holding you back.

i hope this helps you!

[kurishiri]

spoilers for alfons route under the cut

thank you for the ask, anon!

Anonymous said:

Hiii, i wanted ask something regarding the ask about Alfons being "kissed" by others in the epilogue. When i first read it, it seemed to me like he was trying to make Kate feel better in his own way by spouting some lie like this to me? And doesn't him continuing his nightly escapades mean showing people who need them illusions instead of being sexual with them? I can't say that i'm an expert on him but characters like alfons usually become pretty jealous and possessive after they come to accept the love they starved for( there was an event where him kate and roger went to drinking and he shows this side of his openly i think) and to me Alfons doesn't seem like he would hold a double standard for his own "entertainment". Now i'm not saying it wouldn't happen but even if it did, i think it's in the instance where his former "playmates" throw themselves at him before he has a chance to react. Or i'm totally deluding myself lol but that was what came to my mind and i just wanted to share it.

One thing about Alfons is he's not gonna speak directly and twist words until they have the meaning he wants to deliver so i try reading into it rather than accept his words at face value. Sorry this got so long!

hii anon! first of all, sorry for the late reply!

first things first, i want to clarify that (according to al) it wasn’t that he was kissed by others, but rather he himself initiated the kiss. that may change the context then /nm that said, you’re right, he could be lying. he’s been suspected of lying multiple times — we really don’t know and it would be up to your interpretation. al promised not to have sex with others, yes, but well, kissing is sort of a separate thing from sex. the act of kissing (or sex) in and of itself was like a type of escape that al could give his “friends” anyway. it wasn’t an act of emotional intimacy, it was a means to provide a physical pleasure. he could give a kiss to all the women in the world, but the only one who he could give a “true love’s kiss” to is kate. it definitely does feel a bit more wishy washy in his case, haha. but he could be giving illusions, or he could be with his “friends” — they seem to fall under the same category.

that said, yeah, i do think he does get jealous pretty easily. and i also think it’s not necessarily out of his character to purposely try and make kate jealous as a way to make her keep thinking about him. i think it’s interesting to think abt al and double standards if i’m understanding right too — in fact, i think “double standards”…or maybe hypocrisy? english is hard lmao but anyway. i think it’s actually a sort of flaw of his in a way. for example, he wanted kate to keep thinking abt him and so he got really close to her, but when she actually did get close to him like he wanted her to, he pushes her away. or even how he “hated on roger” (which we all know that’s half bogus) because roger hid things from kate — as if he hadn’t done the same low key bfhkshfhsgds elbie sort of words this clearly in the past records featuring him and al, but perhaps bc elbie phrases this feature of al’s as though it’s an endearing feature of his (which ig it can be, yk, i think everything is up to interpretation. it’s similar to how jude gets easily irritated but it can be seen as endearing too bc “aww hes such a tsundere” mindset), we as readers may also think the same.

and fs! al’s words definitely are not and should not be meant to be taken at face value. its for this reason i do recommend his side stories; his thoughts are honest. and i mean, just look at alfons and roger. for all the hating alfons does on roger he went as far as to give an illusion to roger to make him forget abt al when he disappeared to confront the purification club. and as we know, he gave an illusion so that no one would have to be in pain or grieve for him when he died. to him, it was an act of kindness — one that he had given to roger as well. if he really hated roger, would he have gone so far? yes, al doesn’t think 100% positively of roger, but i don’t think he could ever dislike him fully either, especially when he can’t help but associate a couple positive memories with him.

[charliejaneanders]

Hi Charlie Jane!

This evening I finally picked up your book "Never Say You Can't Survive" for the first time probably over a year after I bought it, and I've been reading it hungrily. I don't quite have the words for how much just the Introduction and the first few chapters have already rewired my brain of how i understand writing, and got me thinking about it in ways I had never done before. Just. Wow!

But one thing that really really helped me was your philosophy surrounding whether or not to go with a story idea based on how simple or complex it is from the start. I realized that the reason I've been struggling so much to stay with an idea for the past year, is because I was trying to have it be completely thought out before I started writing it, to have ever chapter planned meticulously so that I didn't end up not finishing it. This may sound really dumb in hindsight lol but I've had an insecurity for years about not being able to finish a project, and I wanted to give myself a guaranteed method of being able to finish it.

Of course, it hasn't worked at all. I end up so overwhelmed and feeling Stuck because I just can't figure something out, and I'm not letting myself play around with the idea enough, not letting it evolve.

I realized that some of my best works, even if unfinished for whatever reason, I started with one thing and it evolved over time.

I've been trying so hard to understand my story from the beginning, to have it all figured out so I could carefully plan it to be perfect– but this book just changed everything!

I'm going to try to shift my mindset to instead taking a shot at different story ideas (loved the dating metaphor) seeing what I can pull from them, and if it doesn't end up working, just moving on and not trying to force it.

But first I'm going to keep reading– because I've already learned so much from this book, so many thoughts and ideas have been floating around in my brain where before I was struggling to come up with any, in just the first few chapters. I'm confident that by the end of this book I'll have something in my head, whether it sticks or not.

Just wanted to say thank you for writing this wonderful book, because I've never gotten this kind of advice before that's left me feeling more confident in my ability to be a writer, while challenging myself at the same time!

Thank you so much for this!!! I’m so glad to hear the book is helpful.

I really do think every writer is different, and some writers can’t plan out their books/stories as completely in advance as others. I love going in with a plan and then getting lost in my characters and world, ending up with something completely different than what I thought I’d  be writing. <3