#i'm just trying really hard to understand his mindset

[bearygentle]

A few students in my super small bio class [12 students I think] today were talking about spending their first valentine's alone after different long-term breakups. And that while the hurt needs to be felt and learned from, enjoying v-day for yourself is the best thing you can do. I was just at the table not actually part of the conversation, but overhearing that despite completely different circumstances those emotions are still widely shared gave me more closure than months of therapy

[paceywittters]

Chenford + when did you fall for me?

"When did you fall for me?" He asks the question softly, knowing she'll hear it over the crackling of the fire and the intensity of her thoughts. It's quiet, almost like he doesn't want to ask, but he knows she'll hear his tone and know it's genuine.

She knows him in that way.

He hopes that for the most part, he knows her in that way, too.

Tim watches as Lucy chews on her lower lip in thought, his teeth pressing lightly into the skin of his own lip.

Something about the combination of the cool air, the wine she'd poured in his glass, and the way she's been smiling at him tonight have him buzzing beneath the surface – enough that he'd wanted to ask her this, enough that he wanted to hear the answer. They've been skirting around the reality of it: when did you realize we were oh-so-much-more, he assumes because she thinks it will derail them entirely, but more likely because...well, he's never actually asked.

It's been hard to wrap his mind around the idea that they're in this incredibly serious relationship when he doesn't remember any of it – and harder still to try and convince himself they shouldn't be. He knows what Lucy thinks: she thinks he doesn't understand, could never feel the way she feels, hasn't let himself drift into that mindset.

What he really feels is a hell of a lot more complicated, though. He gets it entirely, if not more because she's been actively loving him through this. He doesn't remember their relationship at all, and she's doing the work for both of them.

How could he not be hopelessly in love with her?

That's where it gets complicated, though – because he loves her for her, but he loves her for him, too. He needs to untangle that before he can let himself anywhere near her, truly – because she deserves a selfless love. She deserves someone who puts in the effort for her, who doesn't just love her because she loves them harder.

She lets out a soft laugh and pulls him back, raising her brow. "It's a bad answer," she offers, and Tim tips his head to the side, narrowing his eyes at her. "What? It is."

"Lay it on me," he shrugs, taking a slow sip of his wine. "I'm sure it's not that bad."

"It's a non-answer," she takes a sip from her glass, holding his gaze as she pulls it away from her mouth. "It wasn't one moment. I fell for you in a million little moments – hearing you call me Lucy after you handed me my final evaluation, offering me a ratty old pair of sweatpants when I stayed at your place after Jackson died," she offers him a sad, solemn smile. "Letting me talk my way into being your aide, inviting me to tear down your childhood home with your sister – god, even," she presses her hand to her face for a moment and he leans in closer, just wanting to be near her. "Even you calling me fucking goat whisperer in front of a date had me swooning. You don't even realize you're doing it, too – which is even more annoying. You just exist as this...wonderfully irritating version of yourself that I can't help but be ass over feet in love with."

Tim swallows, keeping his eyes focused on her. "If you had to pick one," he breathes, grinning as she rolls her eyes at him, visibly annoyed. "What? You said I was irritating, didn't you?"

Lucy bites on the rim of her wine glass, taking a sip and then setting it down. "Just one moment?" He nods, pressing his lips together. She sighs, tapping her fingers against her chin and then dropping them, humming over at him. "I think I really knew the first time you hugged me. That's cheesy and it's not really true, but I...we'd never," she pushes her hair off her face with a one-handed sweep and he wants to slide his hand over her cheek, bring her close, feel her breath on his skin. "We'd never touched like that before, and I didn't want you to let go. You...I stayed at your place," she has that expression she gets when she feels like she needs to fill in the gaps for him, and he nods slowly, hoping she'll breathe and calm down. "You invited me over after Jackson died, said I shouldn't be alone. You hugged me and I," she lets out a soft, hiccuping laugh, "I don't know, I didn't want you to stop. I didn't know what I was feeling then, but I know it now. You were keeping me still. You were grounding me," she shrugs. "Turns out, that's what we do for each other."

He lets out a slow, steady breath. "You knew you loved me, then?"

She hums in thought. "No," she laughs. "When I think about it now, I loved you something fierce, then. In the moment? I'd never been more confused about what I was feeling in my life. You were warm, and steady, and I could follow your heartbeat. You confused the absolute shit out me, but...somehow, a little less than everything else did," she smiles over at him softly. "So, everything you do now...just, unnamed."

Tim takes a sip from his glass, reaching over and grabbing her hand. He laces their fingers and squeezes them gently. "So what you're telling me is that we're on the same page," he murmurs, after setting his wine down. "Confused, but intrigued. Enamored, for some reason."

She raises her brows at him. "You're enamored with me, huh?"

He lets out a low, rough laugh. "I've been enamored with you for a long time I remember that much."

He's pretty sure Lucy's smile is enough to keep him asking her questions all night long.

[zv5x]

Yandere Riddler with a Reader who has a strong moral compass just like him? They believe most of the things he does, believing in stopping corrupted people, etc while not having Ed's delusions. So, when Edward actually kidnaps them, they aren't afraid to point out how morally messed up he's being and point out flaws in his plans and how contradictory they are, further breaking Ed's image of his love and of his pre-perceived perception of himself.

Welcome back, ZV5X!

Pairing : The Riddler (The Batman 2022) • Gender Neutral reader Warnings : USE OF THE YANDERE TROPE , kidnappings, toxic mindsets and abusive situations, mentions of yelling and raising of tone, psychological intimidation

"To me, calling this love is almost an insult." You clicked your tongue, letting your morality hold power over your better judgement. With a brain as fragile as this man's, confrontation was a near death wish. However, you poked onwards, picking at his delusions as ifit was cheap, chipping paint. "I'm not going to sit here and justify this behavior-"

"Shut up." His tone was flat, almost as if he was trying his very hardest to hold himself together.

He was warning you, and he would only warn you once.

"If anything, it's a display of power you feel you don't have. Whatever it may be, don't you dare tell me this is love!" At that, the man before you picked up a glass on the table and chucked it at the wall. It shattered above you, glass shards coming down onto your head and causing small bursts of pain to run throughout your scalp. You shut your eyes tightly and looked down, hoping that would shield your sensitive eyes from what would no doubt destroy them if contact was made.

"Shut the fuck UP! You don't know the last thing about love! You're a brainwashed puppet, only existing to fill your place in a society that wouldn't even care if you were gored on the streets! Do you really think anyone cares about you as much as I do? Loves you as much as I do?" He laughed, but not a laugh of entertainment; it was a laugh of pure lunacy. "No, no baby, that's not true and you know that." He walked up to you, kneeling down to your level and letting glass crunch underneath his boot. "You don't know the last thing about love." The man was incredibly gentle now, tilting your head upwards so he could look you in the eye. His glasses were gleaming, the eyes behind them half-lidded with affection. "But that's okay, my love. I can teach you."

"W-what? What do you-?"

"You have so many flawed ideas about this world. Like how it's changeable with non-violent methods, and how people like us live in a world where we don't need to fight back." He held up air quotes to accompany his words, giggling at your perceived foolishness. "I can fix that, my dear. I can fix you. We're both gonna be okay. All it's gonna take is a little focused effort, and I'll have you right where I am right now. You'll be fine, we'll be fine; and nobody will ever be able to hurt us again."

As much as it disgusted you, he leaned inwards and kissed you on the cheek. "It's okay. I understand you're wired differently than I am; that you're less likely to see the world in the way that I do. That's why I have to help you, so you can finally love yourself as much as I love you. You can't love yourself unless you come to despise the people that hurt you, (Y/N). Did you know that? It's a hard pill to swallow, isn't it?"

You didn't respond. How could you? There wasn't anything that could be said to convince this sick man that his ideals were incorrect. If you tried, you'd get another glass thrown at your head. You'd let him speak, while also scowering this room for any kind of useful objects or information.

There was a window right in the middle of many other buildings, which was nice. Perhaps you could come loose from your restraints and scream out of it for some sort of help. You couldn't help but smile to yourself at the thought of leaving, a gesture your captor immediately took to heart.

"I know you're just as happy as I am, love." Once again, he kissed you, and you had to refrain from gagging as his lips pressed against yours. "We'll start with that scummy public defender who lives about 10 minutes away. Teaching him a lesson would be a good lesson for you too, don't you think angel?"

[skylarsblue]

Could you write Lester Sinclair a secret (at first) lover who is a man? They live outside of Ambrose and are just as or even more eccentric than Lester. They are also more athletically built and a good bit taller. 💕 If this is too specific just let me know!

✦Lester Sinclair W/ Male!S/O✦

*slamming hands on desk* I LOVE GAY SHIT ✦AMAB!Reader that uses He/Him pronouns, implied to be 6'0+ & muscular, also kinda southern, warning for some suggestive stuff, also for time-period appropriate homophobia✦

I firmly believe Lester is pansexual with no preference. He's just into people, though of course, he doesn't know much about labels. He's not in the loop of society much, and he grew up in a small southern town. He knows straight, gay, and "straight until you have a beer", essentially.

Lester never had the understanding of why being gay would be an issue. Even when he'd hear people whisper about it. He's probably asked his brothers before, which was hard to explain to Lester. Bo didn't really try and Vincent struggled to find the right words.

Lester probably had to have it explained in the simplest of terms. "Ain't nothin' wrong wit' bein' gay or bein' straight. But people gonna talk if you swing one way, cause people are assholes. That's how it is." That's what Bo said. Vincent took a little more care, writing it all out so he wouldn't be hindered by limited sign language.

"People hate what they don't understand. If they can't relate, most of the time, they won't have empathy. Those people are cruel. Their opinion means nothing, even if they're a majority sometimes. It doesn't matter where your love comes from, as long as it's genuine." Vincent had a much nicer way with words. But Lester took both explanations to heart.

He never really saw representation either, so it probably took him a long time to realize which way he slid. He knew he definitely liked women, he and Bo had a similar type most of the time. But occasionally, he'd find himself staring at man, unable to break the stare for some reason. I'd imagine he was around twenty before he heard the term bisexual and ran with that for a little while. He doesn't label himself though, he's more of a go-with-the-flow type of guy.

Lester never properly came out either, not when he was sober anyway. I'd wager to bet that Vincent probably knows because they're also a bit fruity, while Bo's oblivious.

Though Lester likes just about anyone who gives him positive attention, he's got minuscule experience. He was always the weird kid growing up and he never knew how to really grow out of that. He likes people, but he doesn't understand people if that makes any sense. Maybe he got lucky once, honestly, I can't see him being much of a playboy or anything.

Him having a male significant other would probably come up out of nowhere, since he's never been the type to actually bother looking for a date. All his crushes were spontaneous and a lot of the time, he didn't even try talking to them. I'd imagine he'd bump into you either in a public setting, or maybe he'd find you walking by yourself toward Ambrose. Or perhaps you're his favorite worker at a store he regularly visits. Whatever it is, he'll be a little thrown off by the butterflies he gets.

Even when you're dating, Lester won't tell his brothers. He trusts his brothers with a lot, but he's shy about his sparse love-life. Bo's very protective & reading Vincent's opinion is virtually impossible. That coupled with the old mindsets they were raised around, and then lay the fact it's the early 2000s on top of it? Yeah, he's got a lot of anxiety.

Lester will be honest that he has brothers nearby, but explain haphazardly that he's a bit worried about introducing him. "Cause I'm a guy?" "Oh no no, well, I mean, kinda. But like they ain't bigots or nothin', it's just that they're protective and I don't want them gettin' the wrong idea, and they-"

Man went on rambling for minutes on end until you reassured him it was fine, and that you completely understood.

Lester knows that a lot of people are against gay marriage and stuff, but at the same time, he doesn't filter how he feels about you at all. Even in public. Sometimes he'll be hyper-aware of who's around and other times he acts as if you two are the only ones that exist.

Holding your hand in the store, playfully flirting at a bar, demanding a kiss when he does good on picking groceries. He's not used to affection so he soaks it up like a sponge Homophobes be damned, he's gettin' his lovin'!

In any relationship Lester's in, I can't see him being necessarily dominant, though I can't see him being real submissive either. He's more in the middle. That kind of dynamic doesn't really happen in everyday life when you're with him, you're equals.

In the bedroom, this tends to carry over as well, but again, he's not super experienced. Especially with a man. There's some anxiety that blends with his eagerness, and it leads to him kinda...awkwardly freezing. He wants to do stuff! He's just not sure what the stuff is. You'll definitely need to coax him to loosen up, explaining you can take the lead for now, and if he wanted to do so later? When he had more confidence? Then you'd do that.

That being said, Lester honestly doesn't mind bein' a bit of a pillow princess. He doesn't know that's what he's being but hey, it's nice being cared for sometimes! Especially when you're a super touch-starved dude like he is.

You ain't wearing him out either, he gets hyped up on this stuff. If you're the type to need a nap after doing the naughty? Good fuckin' luck, Lester's ready to talk your damn ear off. "Oh! Did I tell ya 'bout the giant wolf spider I found in my truck? The sucker was big as my hand! I mean it! Wolf spiders are real interestin', they got real good eyesight and-"

You know so many animal/plant facts, it's really great for bar trivia.

Lester's not bothered by the fact you're bigger than him either. He has no issue at all, he can work around that! You can life twice what he can? "That's mighty useful! Maybe you can give me a hand!" Oh, your voice super deep and bass-y? "I bet everyone would lis'en to me at the wood shop if you'd back me up! Soundin' all scary like that!" Oh, you a bit too tall for him to reach for a kiss? "Oh that ain't no problem! I can just stand on the back o' my pick-up! Look, see? Now I'm perfect height ta reach!"

Hell, he'll fuckin' jump if he has to. He's getting that kiss.

Lester moves really fast in a relationship for the most part. He's not going to pressure you and he's completely understanding if you need to move slower, but he's not wasting any time if you're okay with it. Move in a week after meeting him! Hell, he'll marry you within a few months if you feel it's right. Full courthouse and everything! (Don't tell him it's not legal yet, he'll get sad)

If you find out what his brothers do, and the fact he helps them, Lester gets sick and numb. He'll honest to god have a panic attack if he can't find you afterward. He's worried about his family and now he's sickened by the fact the person he loves most thinks he's a monster. That doesn't tend to bother him any other time.

But, if you don't leave, and even seem kinda chill with it? It's the biggest relief. It'll also help how he feels about you meeting the twins.

Still, he'll try to keep you away from it if possible. He doesn't want you needing to get your hands dirty with blood unnecessarily.

He absolutely thinks you being sadistic is attractive, I'm sorry, I don't make the rules. He's willing to kill for the person he loves, and if you return the favor? Oh, OH, he's gonna suck ya dick so hard.

✧---------------------------------------------------------✧

There were storm clouds coming in, and quickly. The wind was cold and it was growing harsher by the second. Dirt & small rocks clattered together as your shoes met the ground. You took in a deep breath and looked up to the sky, silently cursing the hands of fate that dealt you these cards. It was a shitty deal and you clearly weren't cut out for gambling with this kind of luck. "Fuckin' figures."

You'd come out to the middle of nowhere with nothing but some clothes in a bag, a Nokia phone, a switchblade, and your dignity. All shoved into a 1971 SST 2-door hardtop. Which was now completely dead. Both from a lack of coolant & gas. It had carried you across half of Lousiana, loyal thing, but it was bound to fail eventually. Especially with the limited funds you had. It was either a car or food, and bathing, given not every local gym was nice enough to let you take a shower for free. You'd at least managed to get one before you ended up on some old backroad, not that it would matter now, since the rain was coming in. Being in between jobs was hard enough. It seemed like everything kept getting worse. Being let go from a decent-paying job, losing an apartment, and needing to move back home all at twenty-four? Not a great month. Then it was made even worse.

All because your parents were old Southern baptist.

They'd heard it around of an old "buddy" of yours, a brief boyfriend was what he really was. Not a terrible guy, honestly, but it didn't work out. It ended amicably. And yet, one slip to one wrong person, and now you were a homeless drifter. Of course, your parents had technically given you an option. Rebuke the devil or leave. Naturally, you left. You weren't a huge fan of your parents anyway. You'd told them you'd be caught sucking the devil's dick before you went through another baptism to "wash the queer" out of you. That was basically the last nail in the coffin of your already shotty relationship with them.

You'd been walking for a while, though you weren't exactly sure how long. Long legs getting you pretty far with each stride. A headache had begun forming from the unconscious anger showing in your face, clenching jaw and furrowed brow. You sighed and rubbed the back of your neck, looking down at the dirt. A large gust of wind blew towards your face and it carried a terrible smell with it, making you cringe and slow for a moment. "Fuckin' hell, the fuck is that?" You hissed, looking around. It was a few feet further before you saw the cause. A roadkill pit. "That 'splains it." You slurred quietly, adjusting the hold on your bag. You hummed, watching flies circle around decaying bodies of deer and other animals. You tore your eyes away at the sight of a decomposing dog. Poor thing.

You'd made it about a little past before the sound of tires and some clacking caught your attention. You turned and spotted a Chevorlet, old and dirty. Probably from 1980-something. It rolled to a stop beside the pit. You tilted your head and watched as someone got out, seemed like a man, probably only 5'7". Dressed in a stained flannel, some jeans tucked into boots, and a dark green hat. Whistling a tune as he walked around the truck and to the back. The sound of a tailgate dropping and thumping gave away what he was doing. He was the roadkill driver. Respectable job, even if gross.

You stepped a bit closer. Maybe he'd know where the nearest town was, or maybe you'd get lucky and he'd have a bottle coolant somewhere in that truck full of... raccoon tails and bones, by the looks of it. Though you paused when a dog's head popped up from the seats, staring at you through the windshield. Then it began barking, though it didn't seem too aggressive, you hoped anyway. There was a light sprinkle of rain starting now, and it would no doubt start to get worse. The man spoke to the dog as he came back around the truck. "Yeesh, Jonesy, what's your deal?" He asked in a thick southern accent. He looked in your direction and you gave an awkward wave. "Sorry, didn't mean to freak out your dog."

The man shut the car door. "Ah nah, that's alright. Can I help ya?" He smiled. Not the best teeth but he couldn't help but remind you of a dog. You returned the smile in kind. "Well uh, I'm not sure. Would you happen to know of a town nearby? Or, perhaps you got some coolant in that truck of yours?" You asked. The man adjusted his hat and shook his head. "Ain't got any of that, but there's a station up in Ambrose. Bo could fix ya up there. Might wanna get there quick before the storm gets worse." He said, walking back to his truck. He motioned for you to come closer. "I could take ya if you'd like!"

"Really? Fuck, you're a lifesaver." You sighed in relief, jogging closer. The dog, Jonesy, popped up when you opened the passenger's side door. She sniffed at you aggressively, tail wagging, before she seemed to smile and settle down. "Well, aren't you sweet." You said softly, patting her back as you got in the truck. Bones clattered. It was a busted-up truck, but it was charming in that way. "Oh yeah, Jonesy's a sweetheart for sure. Found'er on the side of the road! Got real sad cause I thought I'd be puttin' her in the back. But nope! She was alive!" The stranger smiled, staring the car again. You hummed and quickly acknowledged you hadn't told him your name, which you quickly corrected. He repeated it by the syllable to ensure he got it.

"Name's Lester Sinclair! Nice meetin' ya!" He held out one of his hands. You went to shake it, though hesitated when you saw some roadkill blood. He glanced and quickly wiped it on his jeans. "Sorry bout that." "Nah nah, it's fine. Come with the job, yeah?" You said, properly shaking his hand now. His hands were callous and dirty, but Lester noted how much smaller his hands felt compared to yours. He never thought he had small hands until now. "Mighty big hands you got, you a workin' man?" He asked. You shrugged. "More or less. Not at the moment. Corporate bullshit and all." He nodded at your response.

You glanced down at the dog between the both of you and noted a knife strapped to his belt. "That a bowie knife?" You asked. Lester looked over and then down before he grinned, pulling it from the holster. "Yeah! You like knives? Carved this one myself!" He held it up proudly. He felt warmth bubble in his face as your fingers grazed his, taking the blade. "That right? Did a good job by the looks of it. You the "use everything" type of man, eh?" Lester felt his cheeks burn, he hoped it didn't show. "Mhm, that'd be right!"

"Well, that's real admirable. Don't find people like that much anymore." You complimented, giving the knife back. Lester seemed to get more energetic, tapping his fingers on the wheel. Maybe he thought it was subtle but you noticed, and honestly? It was pretty cute. The sound between you both dipped off for a moment as the rain grew worse, clattering against the windows. "So what brings you all the way out here?" Lester spoke again. "Oh, technically I was just off the highway, I've been walking this road cause my car gave out on me. Poor thing, been through a lot recently." You explained. The man looked over at you with wide eyes. "You walked this whole way from the highway?! Well, I'll be damned, you must be exhausted! What's a guy like you doin' that for?" He asked.

"Well, been a shitty month. Job let me go, been strugglin' to get a new one. Got kicked out of my apartment cause rent went up by twice as much as it used to be. Went to my parents for a lil, then had a falling out with'em. Probably the last I'll ever speak to'em." You admitted. It felt cathartic to actually say it out loud even if it was also upsetting. Exhausting for you to recall all the problems that happened in such a short span of time. Lester clicked his tongue in sympathy. "Ain't that some shit. What was so bad they kicked ya out?" He asked innocently. You bit the inside of your cheek. It was always hard to gauge how people felt about the topic of gay people, and with all due respect, Lester didn't seem like the type to be cool with it. Still, it wasn't like you had much to lose. So, with a sigh, you just said it.

"Ain't too into me likin' men. Church-going types." You said quietly, looking out the window, following the raindrops. "Oh that kinda bullshit, don't blame ya for not wantin' to talk to'em then." His response was quick and it honestly caught you off guard. "You uh...you okay with that?" You asked. Lester glanced over and nodded. "Yeah? Well, I grew up 'round people who weren't, but I didn't ever understand why. One of my brothers put it in a way that always stuck with me. It don't matter where your love comes from, s'long as it's genuine." He explained. A smile broke out across your face and your gaze softened. "Well, that's a nice change."

Lester nodded. Butterfly wings grazed his stomach and he came to a stop, hissing between his teeth. "Road's washed out worse than I thought. Thought I could beat it." You waved your hand. "Nah, don't worry about it. I can probably just walk across. You got me pretty far." You replied. "You'll get soaked out in that! And there ain't no guarantee Bo'll even be at the station. Hm..." He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. "I got a cabin nearby if you wanna wait it out there. Only if ya want though!" He offered. The kindness was a much-welcome change. Perhaps it was a bit naive to just...agree. But you didn't feel like wading through ankle-deep water to end up in a town with no one in it. "Yeah, sounds fine to me." Lester beamed at your agreement. He hadn't had guests in his home in...well, ever, excluding his brothers.

Some nerves burned in his body as he changed course to drive up to his cabin. Silence passed between the two of you, comfortable for you, tense for Lester. Finally, he struck up a slightly shy conversation. "Ya know uh, I ain't ever been to sure bout my whole...sexuality, or whatever it's called." He admitted. You glanced over with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah?" "Well like, I know women are mighty pretty. Always knew that. But uh...ya know, every now and then..." He trailed off with a passive hand motion, ears bright red. You smiled and gave a soft chuckle, not mocking, more fond. "There's a man that's just as pretty?" You asked, making him nod. "But then there's manly women and pretty men and they're also nice to look at. Met a few people who I couldn't tell at all, but I knew I liked lookin' at'em." Lester rambled.

"Well, there's a term called pansexual, bisexual also covers that kind of feeling. It's the ability to be sexually and romantically attracted to people. Just people. Regardless of their biological gender or how they present." You explained. It was a bit more complicated than that, but a simple explanation was probably best suited. "That right? Huh...maybe I'm that then." Lester mumbled. "Could be. Ain't anything wrong with it." You shrugged. The conversation dipped off again but not for long. "You got a type in men?" You asked, smiling when Lester choked on his own saliva. "Well uh- I mean, no, but like-..." He stuttered. Your laugh rang out in the truck and he felt his chest tighten. "Relax, loverboy, take your time." The pet name made Lester's blood burn. He let out an exhale. "Startin' to form one right now." He whispered, maybe thinking you couldn't hear.

You did.

"I'll keep that in mind." You replied quietly. Lester let out an exhale as he turned past some trees, pulling up to a nice-looking cabin. Rustic and hidden amongst tall trees. You snorted when the man thumped his forehead on the steering wheel, snickering when he patted his face. "Alright, I'm good." He said, sitting straight again. "Welcome!" He motioned to the cabin. You laughed again and nodded. "Thank you! C'mon, I'm eager to see all the bones you have." You said. Lester brightened up and hopped out of the truck like a kid on Christmas. He'd never had anyone interested in his bone collection. Running up to the porch. "Oh I got plenty to show ya, trust me." Lester grinned. "If it's anything like your truck? I'm excited." You nodded, following him inside.

What a nice turn of luck.

[idllytarott]

𝕗𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕙 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 (astrology notes)

it's my mars return, i will no longer hide my opinions

Listen to this song while reading this non fact-checked astrological nOtes🎶🎶

Let's get started, bombarulina

👹 whoever said Pisces placements are liars, you're completely right I'm only a Pisces mercury and I lie unprovoked

👹 actually cardinal placements do have a 5+ year plan they want to accomplish, yes they have no idea how they're going to get it, but THEY WILL!!!!1! annoyingly resilient i hate them (is a cardinal dominant)

👹 Taurus placements, specially suns are so fixed in their ideas and so stubborn they're SO annoying, like i don't have much experience with Taurus people but the few i know are insufferable when they're like "this is this way and this is this way" ugh like shut the fuck up, Taurus with Aries placements? Scare the shit out of me

👹 Doja cat is perfect for Venus/Pluto and, or Venus/Mars people because she makes u feel sexy and I just know that's really hard for us to accept for ourselves

👹 Capricorn and Cancer men are a menace to society, Cancer's obsession to wanna find a mom in a girlfriend is very disturbing and Capricorn's men need to prove they know or are better than their partner is giving small dick energy, ion like it

👹 i don't care if I get cancelled from tumblr astrology i will let air sign men do anything they'd please with me there's something very hot about them being so detached rawr (dating air sign men in theory: 🥰🥰, dating air sign in practice: 😭😭)

👹 Aquarius and Sagittarius moons are attracted to each other like bees to honey it's like.... Very weird their dynamic, like Virgo and Aries moons, there's SOMETHING there

👹 going back to the topic, I always liked people with mutable moons knowing damn well my fixed moon can never understand them or their emotions, imagine liking a mutable moon person, baby you did that to yourself

👹 Lilith dominant men are.... Something, they ALWAYS have some sort of mommy issues, either because the mom doesn't pay attention to them or they rely on them too much! It's kind of like emotional incest? I believe that men feel jealously around them and the women want to be close to them lol, maybe they're the guy that has all female friends because the guys treat him like shit :/

👹 to what placements would you attribute having a voice kink? Because I am highly thinking about Virgo/Taurus/Gemini in the 8H or having Mercury in 8H, also this people have a hand kink i just know, they're like the Quentin Tarantino of hands

👹 I'm a firm believer that if you ask a Virgo placement for help on anything their dick grows three inches

👹 Scorpio women never look like their sign, they always give off Libra or Pisces vibes, while Capricorn women give off exactly that Scorpionic vibe we all talk about, we should study more people around us and not talk out of our asses, anyways I'm going to CONTINUE talk my ass off

👹 do you really have daddy issues you simply have a 0° in your big three? The thing with, TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️⚠️ (mention of parents omg 😳😳) father figure in people who have the 0° is that everything goes back to them, whether you have this degree is what your relationship with your dad is, if it's in the Sun the relationship is always ego based, you boosted his ego or made him question his beliefs, with the Moon you two trigger each other's flight or fight response, when it comes to emotions you are very wary of expressing to the other, while also knowing that ultimately the problems could be fixed if you just talked about it. With ASC in 0° his perception of you and viceversa is very distorted to fit the other's mindset, you never really see each other the way you truly are, this is very difficult because you and your father feel like you barely know each other, the more you try to understand each other the wider the gap

👹 of course Moon in 0° could be problems with the mother too, a suffocating mother who won't let her kids have thoughts and opinions and experiences of their own without her input or consent, she just can't tolerate her kids having anything that she isn't a part of, but ofc this is my opinion

👹 Libra and Taurus mercury people..... Your voice is what sex feels like

👹 the sign in your Venus is what you are attracted to, i REPEAT, it's what you're attracted to, because I've been seeing this Aries sun women and I honestly can't describe how i feel around them I won't go into heavy detail let's not be too lgbtq. I highly recommend you to see where the sign that's on your Venus falls in the houses because that's going to give you an insight of what turns you on or calls your attention the most

👹 a lot of fire sign men are boiling hot incredibly sexy make you go bark bark but once you get to know them.... It's like.... Okay? They're very superficial and i think most men are like this anyways, fire sign men are literal infants, emotional annoying ass little bitches who act so childish, god gave you a beautiful jawline and you're acting like this? Absolutely not

👹 earth stellium people can be telling you the funniest weirdest shit ever with a straight face or the most fucked up thing while laughing, they're effortlessly funny because they are irrevocably traumatized

👹 i rapidly need to know what Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal's synastry is like because those two were something else, the definition of astrotwitter toxic tw**fl**e connection, this isn't even an astrology observation i just need to know immediately what kind of crack were the stars having when these two got together

👹 people with Ceres in 7H, I'm sorry that you will never not feel the caretaker in the relationship, it happens sweetie

👹 whoever said Aries Venus people are promiscuous or don't last long in bed 🤨🤨🤨🤨 I'm going to find you and kill you with my bare hands

[animeyanderelover]

Yay I'm right in time. May I request Kunikida (BSD), Tobirama, Madara (Naruto), Kaede (kakegurui), Mei (BNHA), and Byakuya (Bleach) with a darling who is a part time cane user cause chronic pain, but is also extremely stubborn and always refuses help and says they're fine even if they obviously aren't. Please feel free to say no to this and take care of yourself, and I love your writings.

I'm finished with all of Gintama and I feel so emotional right now. It was a true journey. I'm no expert in chronic pain so correct me if I'm wrong with something! The only knowledge I really have is from watching all seasons of Doctor House.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, overprotective behavior, controlling behavior, s/o with chronic pain, clinginess, overbearing behavior

Stubborn cane user s/o with chronic pain

Madara Uchiha

🌑Considering that he is a war veteran and the head of the Uchiha clan, Madara has spent his entire life training and getting stronger. He and his clansmen always had to go to war if injuries weren’t severe and so he is expert in anything but the problem his darling suffers under. Madara reacts sort of insensitive to your pain, he lives in a simpler world. Pain is something that goes away after all so he doesn’t really get why you still suffer from a disease/injury that healed long ago. You only give him a smile through the pain and just tell him to keel over and die before you go your separate way. Aren’t you just charming?

🌑Physically you’re weak, you can’t even walk properly sometimes even with your canes. But mentally you’re a castle, stubborn, fierce and snarky. You fight with words and insults that slap in the face and that is what draws Madara in. He’s quite amused how you threaten him despite his position and always manage to have the last word in something. He loves riling you up a little to the point where you swing your cane after him to bonk him just once. The elders object to the relationship, see you as a nuisance and not ideal to give the clan strong heirs yet Madara remains stubborn himself.

🌑He eventually has to know more about your chronic pain and how to treat it. Initially he believes that it’s good that you just endure all the pain and never bother to ask for help. That is until he sees the suffer written all over your face and how you even struggle to move. You remain stubborn, even if you fall down you reject any help. Madara blends out your protest though and just ends up carrying you if he realizes that you won’t get far. You don’t have to try so hard to endure all the pain by yourself, he’s your soon-to-be-husband so it’s fine to ask him for help. He grows more protective as he starts accompanying you everywhere.

Tobirama Senju

🌊Tobirama has a fight with his clan too when he announces the relationship but he has a thick skull himself, won’t let anyone else be his partner. Hashi supports him, giddy to welcome you into the family. Tobirama grows significantly more protective due to your chronic pain himself, studies everything including cause and treatment thoroughly and arranges the best treatment and medication he can put together. He even starts learning medic jutsus himself so he can provide help when the pain is especially bad. Most likely wants that someone with medical knowledge is always with you when he can’t.

🌊Physical weakness doesn’t automatically mean that you’re completely helpless, the Senju knows that. You’re a little force to be reckoned with, your temper and your tongue sharp. There is probably lingering frustration you harbor due to being at a disadvantage due to your pain which makes a fitting job a bit difficult. He arranges something fitting for your skills though. He’s softer with his s/o a lot, understands how they must feel sometimes since their pain interferes with their social and normal life. He’s a bit paranoid sometimes, worried that enemies would attack you due to being a easier target.

🌊He butts heads terribly with you when it comes to you refusing help from anyone. You shoo everyone away even if you drop down on your knees from the pain in your joints, grit your teeth and heave yourself up with your canes before you continue to go despite the pain. Even if you feel like a burden and don’t want to bother anyone, you have a hard time convincing him to let you do as you say. If you’re in too much pain, you shouldn’t force yourself since it might put a strain on your body or mentality. Tobirama is strict in such regards, even controlling, tells the medics who normally are there to assist no matter what, he does the same.

Mei Hatsume

🔧Mei’s mind is all about all of the wonderful things she can create to support other heroes. Whilst she isn’t dumb, she has a severe lack of education when it comes to her darling’s main problem and they’ll have to sit down with her and explain it to her. Mei feels just bad for her s/o after since it must suck to live with the pain all the time and not be able to do what others can do. She tries to be a help as much as she can, runs your errands when she has time so you don’t have to and tries to cheer you up as good as she can when you seem a bit gloomy. A big smooch, a tight hug or something fun she put together.

🔧Obviously she soon comes up with the brilliant idea to create something that will help you walking around and she puts especially much passion behind her project. Mei spends hours inside her labour, working tirelessly on her machine and sometimes completely forgets the time around her and doesn’t even take a break. It’s up to her s/o to drag her out and force her to take a bit care of herself. She doesn’t appear to be tired though but keeps her creation a secret. She wants to surprise you. Mei is predictable to you though so you already have a good idea what she’s doing.

🔧Mei understands your wish to be able to do things by yourself and your stubbornness to endure alone. You always refuse her help, insist that you’re fine and continue to suffer. She can’t do much to help you in such situations so her invention is her answer to help you and your pain somehow. You just want a more carefree life without being shackled to your pain and Mei wants to fulfill that wish somehow. She’s covered in dirt and sweat when she storms one day to you with stars in her eyes, tells you that she’s come up with something to help you. She’s extremely excited and proud, it’s hard to say no to her.

Manyuda Kaede

💴Kaede is a knowledgable guy so even if he shouldn't know too much in the beginning about chronic pain, treatment and medication, a few days of intense and thorough research are everything he needs. After that he is like a walking book, knows everything there is to consume. He kind of turns more clingy since he can't help but fret a bit about your situation and the pain you might feel in your joints. He has long discussions with his darling in regards of them stubbornly refusing to admit their pain and doing everything on their own. Kaede doesn't care if he has to argue hours with you, he just wants you to listen.

💴​Even if he should have lost his seat in the council, he can't help but grow a tad bit more controlling with you. He wants to know where you are when he isn't, most likely convinces Sumeragi to stick with you when he can't. It's all for safety reasons he tells you, if something should happen to you he should always know where you are. He's more awkward when it comes to affection but tries his best to somehow help you when you're depressed due to the pain hindering you from going outside or enjoying activities that require physical work with your friends.

💴​He has still money even in the scenario where he lost the bet against Yumeko. Sumeragi doesn't want his life after all so he has the needed financial strength to pay for everything his s/o needs when it comes to therapy or medication. He insists on doing at least that for you, in that regard he rivals you with your stubbornness. Despite his controlling tendencies Manyuda actually attempts to be a bit more understanding when it comes to his darling. He can only imagine how frustrating it must be to be restricted because of your pain but he's still willing to use calculating manipulation to stop you when you trigger his protective side.

Kunikida Doppo

📓​Kunikida grows immensely protective and controlling due to your condition. He has books where he notes down on which days you felt pain, at which time and how painful it was. He's always questioning you as soon as you tense up and the pain clearly shows on your face even if you quickly try to deny it. When your condition worsens, he writes it down and ends up contacting your doctor to ask for advice which he heads quickly and makes sure that you do so too, even if you don't want to. He calls you when he isn't with you to ask how you're doing and even asks your family in case you should tend to lie to him.

📓​Somewhere deep down Kunikida understands why you feels so frustrated and mad with him, he can be quite overbearing. Seeing you suffering and barely managing to stand hurts him though, he feels sick and paranoid when he thinks about you being targeted due to him working for the Agency. When he realizes that you're not fine, he ignores all your protests and forces you to sit down and not push yourself before he tries about everything he knows in order to ease the pain at least a bit. Kunikida has even moments where he gives you sturdy scoldings when you end up pushing yourself despite the terrible burning and stinging in your joints.

📓​Sometimes he ends up feeling a bit guilty for supervising and manipulating you as much as he does but if you're too stubborn to realize that you're straining yourself too much, he doesn't have much of a choice. You must feel sometimes like you can't do anything due to your chronic pain. When you're in a better condition he tries to make up for it somehow by letting you do what you want even if he still keeps a sharp eye on you. Kunikida still wants you happy after all, too much stress and frustration could after all also worsen your pain so he tries to not push you too much.

Kuchiki Byakuya

🌸​Byakuya ends up feeling more paranoid and protective when he finds out that his darling suffers from chronic pain. Hisana already died because of an illness so he can't help but fear a bit that he might somehow lose you too because of your frail condition. His paranoia makes him very strict and controlling and you find your already limited freedom even more restricted. A doctor is called in the estate and stays there so they can always cater to your need when your chronic pain is especially bad. You also have to endure daily checkups and Byakuya is always informed about your condition.

🌸​Your stubborn behavior in regards of your own health angers him mildly and triggers his protective side even more. He confronts you and is incredibly blunt, tells you in a demanding tone to stop pushing yourself so much and rejecting any help when you clearly need it. He scolds you for it and might trigger your own temper and subbornness in return which might escalate in a serious argument. In order to keep things more 'harmonious', Byakuya isn't above threatening you mildly with even more restrictions. He just can't understand you and your childish behavior. He won't allow you to act just like you want, not when it causes you severe pain.

🌸​He orders someone to always accompany you since he doesn't trust you, you'd just end up still going even if you're under immense pain. Normally serene and hardly angered, the moment your thick head leads you to a smaller accident, chances are that you are presented with a rarely angered Byakuya who glares at you with icy eyes. You're most likely put under house arrest, aren't allowed to venture outside the estate. After he's calmed down a bit, he attempts to talk more reasonable with you so you understand why he did what he did. Sometimes he's more vulnerable, admits that he is a bit scared something might happen to you.

[shiyorin]

please i beg Yandere Alphabet Dorn

Are you heretic? ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°) 

Sure, you're heretic! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Requests are closed but you're lucky I'm heretic too. ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

TW: Yandere

Yandere Alphabet Rogal Dorn

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Dorn's probably take a very simple approach to everything, not being directly forceful or anything like that. Instead, he wants to prove himself to you, he wants to prove he's the best for you. He just uses an overly-direct approach, really. Like he doesn't exactly know how to do this so he just jumps straight to the point with a very serious mindset. But he's not very good at reading the signs, Dorn doesn't always pick up on what people really mean, and just kind of goes by what they say. So it's a constant cycle of him thinking he's making progress, only to realize too late that he did something wrong.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

He's willing to get as messy as he needs to, but he'd probably have a pretty high breaking point in terms of how much he can take, technically. He'd be perfectly willing to throw away a lot for you, but he'd still have some boundaries.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He'd be surprisingly gentle but very possessive. In his mind, he's just protecting you from a situation you don't fully understand, so he sees no point in being harsh or forcing you to do anything. He'd also try to downplay just how much he loves you, to make himself seem more like some kind of stoic protector and not a hopeless yandere like he's so clearly become. And no, he wouldn't mock you.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

I don't think he would. I think he'd be very serious about not doing anything to hurt you without your consent, probably reminding you that you can make any request of him whenever you like and he'll be there to fulfill it. No matter how emotionally unstable he might be, he still wants to prove himself to you. But he'd refuse to let you go.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

It would be really hard for Dorn to be completely emotionally open with you at first, but he would do his best to try to show his affection in any way he possibly could. And he'd do it in as serious and dire a way as possible; Dorn would try to be as emotionally vulnerable as he could be with you, showing you his heart from the get-go, not even trying to hide it. 

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would be surprised, but he wouldn't take it personally. He probably just thinks that you weren't ready for that kind of affection yet, and would be more careful about giving it in the future. He wouldn't be angry with you, and honestly might even feel bad for trying to be so forward with his affection. He just be patient and wait for you to be ready, but until then you will still be with him.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No games, just a Primarch who's head over heels and doesn't really know how to approach that. His love for you is a really sincere thing and he's pretty serious about it. He wouldn't enjoy you trying to escape, and would actually be very disturbed by it. I think that would be the first inkling he gets that something is wrong. Why do you try to escape when he's trying to protect you from everyone else and just give you love and affection? It would be the first thought that made him step back and think, 'Is this really okay for me to do this? Am I taking this too far?'

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

I don't think he's terrible, per se, in terms of things he would do to you. I just think he'd be really, really overbearing, to the point where it could make the other person's life pretty hard. Even if he doesn't do anything, your pressure and stress will always be there.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

A prosperous future for the Imperium, and for you to be a part of it. He would work incredibly hard for this future. Even with the current darkness of the universe, that future is still too far away.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He probably becomes jealous over time, but trying to not let it affect him as much as possible. He'd do his absolute best to hide it from everyone. He'd try to find ways to cope in the beginning, although he'd slowly build up to lashing out if the jealousy started to become painful. He doesn't want to do anything to hurt you, but the pain of jealousy can sometimes get the best of him.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He'd still try to maintain the whole stoic yet honorably kind approach, but he definitely has his soft moments with you.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He'd be straightforward about it. He doesn't want to be subtle or manipulative in any way, and he just wants to lay it all out honestly. I don't see him being for the type of romance where he tries to actually woo anyone; instead, he just tells you how he feels and hopes to prove his feelings with his actions.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

He presents himself as the serious, stoic, stern being he's always been. Behind closed doors, or as a one-on-one situation, He's still very serious, still very stoic about everything. But his intense emotions for you means that his usual restraint starts to fade away.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

He wouldn't punish you in any way, honestly. He just uses a disappointed tone of voice, or gives you the 'silent treatment.' He doesn't want to hurt you in any way, but his silent demeanors speak just as much as when he would speak normally. So in a way, that is his punishment. But it's not to any extreme degree.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

I don't think he'd take away any of your rights, honestly. In his mind, he's trying to protect you from the harsh, cruel world, not taking away your freedoms. He'd be content to just restrict your life in some ways.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Very patient. He might be a bit possessive and overbearing at times, but he's still patient and diligent a lot, and he wouldn't let his flaws overcome his desire to treat you well.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

I don't think he would ever really get over his lover, whether his lover left or passed away. His love is too intense for him to do that. But he would try to move on and better himself, while keeping his feelings close to his heart. He'd honor his lover's memory, while continuing on down the road of his own life; If his lover successfully escaped? His anger and embarrassment would drive him to get you back, but he'd stop himself before he got too far out of his way. 

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

He felt guilty at first, or even during his abduction of you. He'd eventually justify his behavior, though, telling himself that he did it for your sake.

Would he let you go? That's hard to say, honestly. It really depends on how the situation goes... he might keep you around because he feels that you're safer with him, even if it's not true. It all depends on how things go between both of you.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

He's got so much responsibility on his shoulders and is expected to be so much more than he is as a person, and the tension that this creates would be the perfect trigger for him to reveal this darker side of his personality. He needs a way out. And you, the perfect person for him, who could support him and give him the excuse he needs to revel in his emotions and let go of the burden of the Imperium.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He'd feel pretty upset by all of these things. He's obsessed with the idea of protecting you, so seeing you like that makes him feel like he hasn't done enough for you, and that he's failing his duty. He might even start wondering if it would be better for you to be let go so he can't hurt you anymore. But he wouldn't actually let you go.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He would be far more honest and straightforward than the average yandere, for sure. Although the obsession he feels for his lover is still very obvious, he's much more able to reflect and admit to himself that something is wrong. That still doesn't stop him from doing it, though. But he'd have certain lines that he won't cross. 

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

He refuses to back down from things that have been set in his mind. Once he's got an idea - in this case, of what he thinks is best for you - he will almost never be able to stray from it. His stubbornness would make it impossible for him to reflect on his actions and to realize what he's doing is wrong, especially once he's become set in his ways. But if you work to keep him off balance for just a moment, during which you could escape. After a moment, he would realize what had happened, though, and get right back to his obsession.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

He wouldn't actually hurt you, no. He might use his strength to restrain you, though. There would definitely be a handful of times.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He'd revere you more than he'd worship you, definitely. He respects you as a person, but your existence isn't anything divine, and he doesn't see you as something untouchable and holy. He'd do anything to win you over, he'd do just about anything to keep you around once he has you. He might even go against some of his boundaries, if it's truly for his lover's sake.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He'd pine for an incredibly long time. But his patience isn't endless. He'd probably get close to the point of 'snapping' many times, but he always managed to stop himself right before he lost total control.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Yes. But he wouldn't do so on purpose. The obsession he feels for you would slowly, overtime, chip away at his sanity until there was nothing left to stop him from breaking you. He'd feel terrible about it, afterwards, though.

[raribella]

Gotta Be Safe With Me | p.p

summary: a very self-indulgent comfort fic for when you're feeling lonely and don't know either if things are going too fast or if it's you that's in a very messy hurry.

pairing: peter parker (tasm!) x reader

genre: comfort, a bit of angst, fluff!

involves: maybe a bit of a panic attack, crying in the shower, a clueless peter for a while, tentative boyfriend, top tier boyfriend, college!au, a bit of a messy college concept bc I'm not American so maybe it's kinda mixed.

word count: 1,2k

ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇꜱ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀꜱᴋꜱ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴄᴀʟᴍɴᴇꜱꜱ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴅʏ ᴀꜱᴋꜱ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴏᴜʟ. ʟɪꜰᴇ ᴅᴏᴇꜱɴ'ᴛ ꜱᴛᴏᴘ.

Peter was absolutely having the time of his life. Between meeting people who actually understood his mindset at MIT, attending honestly enjoyable freshman initiations, and the brilliant minds presenting themselves as his tutors for the next few months, he felt like he was in intellectual heaven. He couldn't wait for you to tell him how your experience has been; and if it has been as exciting as his.

Peter knew how you had a bit of a nerd in you, and that this trace matched a chunk of his personality very well. But this also meant that Peter was there for when your pile of nerves was only ever comforted by either cuddling him or watching sensorial videos for babies weeks before your application exam. He was there when you didn't get in for the first call —while he, of course, had a top result—. He also was there when in the middle of English class you received an email notifying you you got in. —gosh he hugged you so hard, you didn't even care about the ongoing lesson.—

You wouldn't stop talking about how excited you were a month before classes started, you made so many plans, you fell in love with the campus, you —like his favorite stationery junkie— bought everything you wanted to just start the course well. You were so unsure but at the same time you were sparkling with this new chapter of your life, and, wow! you really did get into your dream university.

As your boyfriend knew all this, he would expect to find you a bit upset after you texted him some plans with classmates went down, chuckling when he read out "well, they basically just stood me up." "but I could get to know the sports area on campus that's fun!" and received a running track picture right after. Peter just didn't really prepare himself —or held down his own excitement well enough—, for when the both of you met at his apartment and you weren't really in the finest mood.

After giving up on going out for dinner, Peter ordered you both some pizza from that Italian place you love and spent the night trying to crack some jokes, keep smiling and make you feel comfortable. You sat right next to him, both hands between your legs, looking very clearly out of it as you stared at your empty plate. You usually ate two or risked three slices, leaving Peter and his fast metabolism to, more often than not, end the whole pizza.

"And then Mr. Pattinson just said something that changes the concept we had on basically any formulas for... forever! ...Are you okay, baby?", Peter asked, genuinely worried at your spaced-out behavior and finally acknowledging it, while trying to grab your hand. "You seem a little distant tonight, are you tired?"

You had nothing to tell him about but how you watched little friend-groups take form and about heavy lectures that made you think just until your head hurts, so you just sighed, nodding in agreement. Yes, you were tired.

Peter started to rub the back of your hand, still resting over your thighs, with his thumb. "You know, it's okay if you just wanted to come home and go to sleep, I'd understand. It's okay if we did it tomorrow or the night after." It's true. He'd be happy just to be with you. But gosh, after having such a week, if you couldn't allow yourself to have even a nice dinner with your boyfriend —which you haven't seen the whole week— at his house, it just felt like you were opening up a huge door to breaking down. Breaking down was not in your college plans, not in your 2022 plans.

"No, I- I am tired, babe, it's just... Can I just take a shower? It's going to be really quick, I promise, we can... we can cuddle or watch a movie, you can keep telling me about uni-" Peter knew you used some hot showers to unwind, he wouldn't keep you from that. Not when you haven't smiled once since you walked through that door.

"You know, 's okay! I don't need to keep rambling on, we can do whatever you want babe, I just wanna see you feeling better, alright?"

And he did hope you'd feel better. So did you. So while he put the dishes away and looked for an excessive amount of pillows and fluffy blankets, he felt his heart tear a bit when he heard a sob coming from the bathroom.

No, no, no, no. He repeated in his head while letting the blanket fall to the floor next to the couch. Peter ran to the bathroom, and, he'd leave to feel relief about you not locking the door later, for now, the image of you crouched down under the showerhead, hugging your own knees and crying like a scared child screamed urgency to every one of his senses.

Peter didn't mind having damp clothes. He did care about how you clung to him the moment you felt his arms wrap around you. Head fitting in the crook of his neck.

"Hey... Hey, y/n, hi... what's up, babe, what happened?" He started off in a sweet, low tone, just gently caressing your wet hair, proceeding to put your face in between his hands to make you look into his eyes as worry ascended in the back of his brain. You were, so, so excited. What happened?

"I..." You sobbed. "The class is so quiet and everyone has friends already I feel... so lonely, Pete. It feels so messy I feel overwhelmed and everything seems so decisive, my uni apps don't work and the professors are sending us things and... It's so fast! It's so fast and I'm so lonely I'm scared." You rambled in between cries and sniffles. You had never felt this nervous about a new start. You had never had such a hard time adjusting, but, you also weren't really giving yourself time to adjust, so a part of you was just drowning in your own expectations. You wanted to have at least one person to know how you were trying.

Peter adjusted himself a little better, hugging you from behind and swinging his torso side to side. "I know, I know, lovie... It all has a new weight to it. I'm so sorry things aren't going as you imagined they'd be... give it a little bit of time, okay? Please don't stress out so much, at least you're trying. Things are going to fall into place, just... not so rapidly, you know?" He desperately wanted you to let go and become a little bit more accepting of this uncertainty, but as an anxious ball himself, he couldn't pinpoint how. He wanted to make your distress go away. —He would take it all to himself if he could. Just so you weren't feeling like that.—

"You know... I'm here. You know I'm here, right? I'm gonna be here through it all, okay? I've been there, this... No friends situation, I know it well, remember? But you have... two friends right here, okay? Come on, what use does being Spider-Man has if I can't protect and comfort the love of my life?" He cooed, chuckling a bit. You smiled, Peter was your absolute safe space, you've been his for a while now, too. But you were glad he was here right now to slow you down and mirror your situation to his life a bit, to show you it will all go away with time.

"Yes! C'mon, you smiled! Let's get you warm babe," Peter kissed your forehead "I love you, I'm right here."

[minimalist-language-learning]

My language learning journey

Hi! I'm Anja, a language learner and manga artist from Germany. This is my first post here, so I think I should start with some information about myself:

I speak: German (native), English

I'm currently learning: Japanese

Paused languages: French, Russian

Other hobbies and interests:

creating manga (you can find my artist accounts here)

reading manga (mainly shonen)

nature

video games (e.g. Assassin‘s Creed Origins / Valhalla, Ghost of Tsushima, Cyberpunk 2077, Control)

reading different kinds of books

history & archaeology (especially ancient egypt)

For those who are interested, here is a summary of my ups and downs as a language learner:

How I improved my English unintentionally

English is not my native language (I'm sure I make mistakes ^^;). I learned the basics at school which means: vocab lists, grammar rules and exercises, listen to English spoken by non-native speakers (teacher and classmates) and only sometimes by native speakers (audio CD). I had no access to novels, websites or other interesting things in English. And I was fine with that. At that time, English was only a subject in school.

After graduating, I became interested in Japanese. I found some german online forums where other learners of Japanese shared their experiences. Unfortunately, most of the users were very narrow-minded. They persisted, that their way of learning is the only "right" way. I never liked black-or-white-thinking and so I left these forums.

I've found a more open-minded forum and some blogs. These were in English, but I came across many different ideas and methods. It was a bit difficult at first because I never read "real" English before. But I concentrated so much on the content, that everything else became secondary. 

At this time, the new episodes of my favorite TV show weren't available in German. So I watched them in English even though I had nearly no experience with listening to native speakers. There were things I couldn't understand, but I didn't care. I was able to watch this show quite comfortably which was all I wanted — reaching a high level in English was not my goal, after all.

Watching my favourite show, reading articles about interesting topics or reading novels in English were never learning activities to me. The purpose was to learn something other than English or to simply enjoy the content. The language was only a tool, not a study object. 

While doing this, I never thought "So many unknown words… I should use Anki to learn them". After learning the basics at school, I just started reading and listening and ignored most of the unknown and unimportant parts. Only when I felt that I really need to know a certain word I looked it up. These texts or videos weren’t study objects. After reading/watching them I moved on. Without realizing it, English became part of my life. 

Today, reading and listening to content in English feels natural to me. There are words I don’t know and I make mistakes, of course, but I'm fine with that.

The learning mindset is actually a learning barrier

In the case of Japanese, I always tried to understand as much as possible, looked up many words, put sentences into Anki and things like that, because many methods recommended that. I thought that otherwise my Japanese won't improve.

Ironically, even after so much hard work and after trying out so many methods and techniques my Japanese was by no means as good as my English.

I was stuck in a "learning mindset" which made it difficult to just enjoy the content as I did with English. I wasn't able to focus on the content. All I saw were unknown words and phrases. It was like a curse.

Don't get me wrong: Good advice is useful, of course! When I come across an interesting approach or tip I try it out to see if it works for me. But my mistake was to believe that I only had to follow someone else's way of learning from A to Z and I would get the same results in the end. It never worked this way.

That's why I encourage everyone not to follow blindly other methods and their creators. There is no right or wrong. Combine whatever works best for you and trust your own intuition. The most important thing is that you enjoy what you are doing.

Combining minimalism with language learning

After worrying so much about language learning, methods and my Japanese, I discovered minimalism and was completely fascinated. 

Generally, minimalists don't keep things that make them feel unhappy, that are no longer useful or causing distraction. It depends on the person, how their minimalist lifestyle looks like. And this is also true for language learning.

This mindset was a great inspiration for my current way of language learning. I only use Anki to review kanji, for example, because this works best for me. But whenever I use it for vocabulary/sentences, it feels so meaningless to me compared to reading a good book. I can't use Anki for vocabulary longer than a few weeks, but I feel always relaxed when I read a book in Japanese.

That's why I decided to just look up certain words, write them down and move on. Maybe other methods are more efficient, but I prefer learning words in their natural context. This is what I enjoy the most.

How my Japanese improved (finally)

For a long time, I felt like I hit a wall. My Japanese didn’t seem to improve. Then I focused on extensive reading and read several books in Japanese that were not too difficult at my current level (e.g. volume 1 - 4 of 『ハリー・ポッター』 and 『天気の子』 and other manga and light novels).

This helped me a lot to improve not only my reading speed but also my vocabulary. I had so much fun reading these books that I read between 20 and 40 pages a day (sometimes even a bit more on the weekend).  My listening comprehension stagnated for a long time but thanks to reading it now improves slowly but steady.

The more I understand the more I enjoy listening. Lots of reading helped me to increase my vocabulary and to get to the point at where I can process spoken Japanese much faster than before. 

It feels strange sometimes. For a long time, it was normal to me that I understand not more than single words or very common phrases. Listening felt like a waste of time. Now I can roughly follow the story of some audio books, for example. Even small improvements like this give me a big motivation boost!

Switching to extensive reading had also a positive effect on my self-confidence as a language learner. I’m more aware about what kind of content I need at my current level and choose my reading and listening material accordingly. I will read more and more difficult books to increase my vocabulary and to get used to more complex writing styles. It should be a bit challenging but not overwhelming.

Up to this point, I've read 78 books in Japanese so far. 27 of these were novels, light novels or non-fiction books; the rest were manga. According to 読書メーター, I've read around 18.242 pages in total. 

Now

It took me a long time but today I don't care so much about efficiency and speed anymore. I just want to enjoy what I'm doing. I have still a long way to go, of course. But even though I don't understand everything I enjoy reading in Japanese so much! And I hope to further improve my listening comprehension so that I can comfortably understand audio books and podcasts.

My main activity is still reading books and other content but I also do light grammar study now. In my experience, you don't need to memorize grammar rules but a good foundation is important to understand more complex content and to build correct sentences yourself. That's why I think that grammar is not your enemy but a useful tool.

Lots of text, sorry. ^^; I hope it was interesting to some of you.

Please note that I write about what works for me and share advice based on my own experiences. If you have a different opinion or if you use other methods, that's absolutely fine. Do whatever works for you.

From time to time, I'll write posts about my recent language learning activities and thoughts.

[the-hufflepuffle]

SPOILERS FOR AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER

Alright I'm gonna be real: I think lo'ak is really over rated. I don't think he's a bad character or anything, I just think he's over rated. I keep getting tiktoks that are like "Jake's such a bad dad, lo'ak doesn't deserve any of this 😢😢😢" and you're right. But none of them do.

That's the point.

A tiktok I saw explained that sometimes parents who were in the army or experienced war, like Jake who was LITERALLY a marine, can shift back into the "protect and defend" soldier like mindset. Which is what, at least to me, seems like part of what happened.

Their whole little family was so happy and close before humans came back and started causing shit again. That night at the start when there's fire everywhere and the omaticaya have to leave again is where I think Jake's switch was flipped and now he wasn't only a soldier, but he was olo'eyktan and a father. So much more emotionally was at stake now.

And lo'ak is Jake. Completley and totally no paternity test needed.

To me (as an oldest so I may be a little biased) it seems that lo'ak either doesn't understand what's really at stake fully until Payakan or he doesn't care. He loves his family that much is undisputed, but he doesn't listen. He doesn't listen to the directions that are meant to keep him and his siblings safe.

Whenever shit goes down and the siblings are involved, it's because lo'ak didn't listen and "sullys stick together."

Neteyam and Lo'ak getting to go on the mission with the train? Lo'ak disobeys Jake's orders and almost gets himself and neteyam killed.

Lo'ak, Kiri, and Tuk captured by the Marine Avatars? Lo'ak disobeying the rule of "Hey you don't go here."

Lo'ak, Kiri and Tuk getting captured again by the Marine Avatars but in the water this time? Lo'ak disobeyed the order to stay in the reef and stay safe.

I know the last one was out of good meaning because Payakan was still out there, but it still lead to the dominoes effect of the girls continually getting captured by Qurtrich and Neteyams death.

I also know he probably blames himself for Neteyam and that's not fair. It's equally not fair to shit on Jake for trying to protect the way he knew how to.

Honestly Lo'ak gives me Sasuke Uchiha vibes and I feel like everyone that I'm getting on tiktok that's like "poor sweet baby lo'ak" doesn't look at any of his behavior. "He's trying his best", so is Jake.

I don't agree with how Jake handled some things but I get that when you mind switches from "boy oh boy do I love my sweet lil family" to "oh shit oh fuck survive time" you don't always get a lot of say in how that protection comes out.

Also I'm 90% sure there's no therapy on Pandora that he's able to use to work through that mindset which can be really hard.

Anyway I can't wait for the third movie, I love Tuk and wanna see her fuck shit up.

[yanderecandystore]

Could we get some more Male Beldam plz, a crumb of spider boi affection 🥺💖

Hello dearest! Sorry for the long wait, I was having an awful time trying to make this last chapter work. Also btw:

I messed up the story and now this isn't the last final chapter of the series 🤡 I told y'all I get too invested and too complicated with this shit-

So YEAH we're having ANOTHER ONE later on- That will be the true final chapter (depending on how this one goes, I ain't too confident-).

I made some HEAVY DECISIONS LOL-

This is going to be a lot different from my usual work (I think?) And a disclaimer:

I don't believe that the actions of the characters in my writing are valid or even morally correct, I write for yanderes because I'm extremely weird (I'm trying to accept that) but I don't support these actions in real life, I just like them in the media. BTW this is not an accurate representation of trauma/mental illness/or even anyone in general!

(Chp. 1) (Chp. 2) (Chp. 3)

TW/Tags: Following up from (Chp.2) // also if y'all want, there is this headcanon→ (🧵⚫🕷️) // manipulation // heavy angst // mentions of vomit // cursing // kinda edgy // characters death (I'm so sorry-) // mentions of death/gore (won't really detail it cause I'm horrible at it) // identity theft/pretending to be someone else // mental breakdown/guilty mindset

6,471 words!

Stitched Together (Chp.3) [Yandere!M!Beldam OC(?) x F!Reader - Fanfiction]:

A house filled with disfuncional people. Were they always like this, or did they become "this" when they first came here? Who knows.

People have their own struggles, we're always dealing with some kind of problem- Even the smaller ones. We all have different ways of dealing with them, of course. It's life, it's natural. Yet it's still pretty surprising how all these people got to know each other and form some kind of bond.

It's a weird friendship, but it's not necessarily a bad one, or -more accurately- it didn't used to be one.

Your roommates had a lot of issues, some of which you didn't even know off. It is very entertaining seeing how much they struggle with the most ridiculous problems with the easiest solutions.

Communication seems to be the heart of all their problems, and even he, a cold arachnid monster who eats the "love" of naive people, could see right through their flaws- And he hasn't talked with anyone in ages!

Other Dominick, or just "Dominick" now, has been enjoying this disfuncional group antics way too much, to the point he has actually developed some kind of- Feelings, towards you and your roommates. You're almost as pitiful as you are loveable, it's no secret why that other man couldn't stop obsessing over you for twelve long years, if only he could be a bit more honest though- Maybe he would have won your heart back, maybe you wouldn't be sleeping in a fabricated dimension with a hungry monster.

Cause that's all he is! A monster, that's all he'll ever be, he knows that now.

Still, this whole "he is my ex best friend" drama sure strikes a nerve, the truth is so obvious that it's honestly infuriating to hear you talk about that guy as a "friend". "Dominick" can't blame you though- Maybe you are just not accustomed to differentiating friends from lovers, especially considering how lonely you were.

The mice have told him so many juicy details about you and your roommates lives that he can basically read every single one of you like the palm of his hand. And seeing you four have such a hard time understanding each other was like a never ending soap opera drama.

Vivian was a nerdy girl "trying to break free" by acting like a complete airhead and believing that having fun is something only possible by partying and ignoring her anxious mind.

Richard is extremely dependent on Vivian, being his only friend for so long has made him believe he has more romantic than friendly feelings for her.

Dominick used to be a frail, easily sick boy who grew up without his "best friend" by his side to be able to protect his clingy self, and seeing how you never even talked to him in twelve years- he has fully believed he has done something wrong to make you despise him. He became a physically strong man, but his weak spot has always been you.

And you, oh, dearest you! You're so anxious and worried about building and maintaining relationships that you started to overthink their actions to the point it has led you to Other Dominick's arms! Dearest, it's true your friends have been neglecting you, but if only you knew how it wasn't their intention at all.

Even so, "Dominick" couldn't deny the fact he did fall for you in these last couple of weeks, this "feeling" has been growing on him like a parasite ever since you started wanting to be here more often, to see him more often and to top it all off: You asked him to let you sleep in his web, you asked him to not bring you back home.

What is normally a silent cold void of pure nothingness there was now the low sound of breathing and occasionally snoring. There was now warm, there was now something else aside from him and that little rodent he genuinely loves. It still takes him by surprise how you just invited yourself to this realm and doesn't seem to want to go back, it still surprises him that you left all those people in the Pink Palace just for him.

How absurd, right? You were so willing to escape your reality that you were now sleeping and cuddling with a monster. Granted that you don't seem to know how bad he truly is…. The other people he had preyed on were a lot more careful than you, yet they all still failed to survive in the end. You could say ignorance is a blessing if you have managed to survive so far by being naive.

You have stayed for the night in the Other World, having a wonderful sleep holding the person you seem to have fallen in love with. However, "Dominick" hasn't anticipated the amount of time you two would have spent sleeping together, due to the amount of energy he lost trying to create the perfect fantasy for you he has completely blacked out for what feels to be days.

He isn't sure what day it is, or what time it is, but he was sure both of you had slept for quite a while, maybe it had something to do with the nature of this realm that made you "hibernate" for as long as he did.

There was only one option if he wanted to make you live with him forever, to be able to indulge himself in this love for as long as you live- Yet he wasn't sure if you would agree with his terms for staying, that being never leaving, of course- And possibly having to see him carnage the body of others so he can feast on it.

And speaking of food, of course you would be starving after such a long sleep. He wasn't sure what time it was, breakfast? Dinner? Time almost doesn't matter when you're essentially immortal.

There isn't anything to eat here really, not while he is this exhausted, he can't make anything for you at the moment even if he really wanted to.

"- I hope you had a decent sleep, I bet that sleeping in a place like this may not be- The most comfortable of beds." He commented while looking around the web he called home. He doesn't even remember when was the last time he was able to sleep in a proper bed without feeling out of place. This web is just a lot more comforting to him.

"- … Well I think it was worth it. Though I'm not accustomed to sleeping in webs, or with someone else for that matter." Joking tiredly you responded to his almost self deprecating comment.

You have almost forgotten you slept holding him, and you almost have forgotten how his looks are still a little frightening- Waking up and looking at him sure is a fun way to get enough energy for the rest of the day, thankfully due to his own exhaustion he hasn't noticed your small expression of fear and surprise.

"- You're hungry." Was all he said. While you were still sleeping he could hear noises coming from your stomach, he isn't sure how he can fix this yet.

"- A bit- I assume you also haven't eaten yet? Sorry if it sounds harsh, but you look like you haven't eaten all night." Putting it bluntly like that could harm anyone's ego, but it was true that he hasn't eaten anything in years, waiting people to move in to the Pink Palace is both tedious and a almost unfruitful process, and as you can see he is too pathetic to kill every single one of his preys, despite how easy it would be to just do so right now.

But maybe, it doesn't have to be this way, maybe he could still work something out, you don't have to die to sustain him-

"- Can I help you this time? You have done so much during this time I've been here, I would like to do something for you for once." You were so sincere, and it was true that people have been cooking for you a lot these past days, mostly Other Dominick and…. Well, Dominick, once.

Just remembering yesterday makes you feel odd, as if you have left something behind- Wait, didn't you have plans to hangout with him and the others today?

"- Well- You can help me with something…" What would normally be a very easy thought process, was now taking him ages to complete- He hasn't completely finished his plan mentally, yet it was the only option left. In this state he is too soft, too dependent, he can't feed you or take care of you without first satisfying his own needs.

"- We don't have a kitchen anymore, I'm sorry if this is a selfish request- But could you please get us some food from your house?" He just needed an excuse, any excuse.

"- Hmm, sure! But- But why can't you just build a new one?" You questioned him, still not sure how his "powers" work or not work.

"- I can't, I can't right now- I'm starving." He wasn't lying really, but he did exaggerate it a bit to see if you could go faster.

"- I'm so sorry! I'll be back okay? Just hang in there." And being naive as you were, you made sure to crawl your way back to the little door you've come from, taking just another look at his bottom eyes and sending him a tender smile one last time.

You'll be back soon, he is sure you will.

You won't have to die, you won't have to die, you won't have to die, you won't have to die, you won't have to die, you won't have to die, you won't have to die, you won't have to die, you won't have to die, you won't have to die-

- But they will.

While crawling through the tunnel you realized how tight it felt, you knew you didn't fit exactly well here but this time it feels almost suffocatingly small. You don't know if this has anything to do with "Dominick" or not, but it was as if the whole tunnel was trying to squeeze you back to where you came from.

You're not sure what you should do in this scenario since he said there was no more kitchen back there, should you prepare something in your own kitchen and then bring it back? Or maybe you should just bring a snack to make him feel slightly more filled?

Whatever your plan was, you knew you would be able to fix something quick for him- And probably for yourself since you do feel awfully empty right now, and honestly your body hurts from sleeping in one position the whole entire time, especially on top of someone else.

You hope he was okay, it would be really embarrassing if he was also having body aches because of you, if you could give him something it would be a proper bed- Screw spiderwebs.

For some reason, you felt as if you took longer to crawl back to the Pink Palace than what you normally take- Maybe it was just your imagination, after all you did get to reach the end eventually. While still feeling your whole body weak and aching you got up from the tunnel feeling a bit dizzy, still your mind was focused on two things: Food and roommates.

It would be more appropriate for you to say "hi" or "good morning" right? It feels wrong cooking and then leaving them again without saying anything, maybe- No, no you couldn't, if you did…

Could you… Perhaps- Be able to tell them about the Other Pink Palace??

The idea sounds absolutely ridiculous, especially when you consider that they would probably not believe in you in the first place. Why did you even consider that option? What would you even tell them- "Hey I met like- A spider version of Dominick and a fake version of all of you and I hmmm kinda slept there over the night??" God, they would either think you're trying to prank them or that you went crazy!

Speaking of them- Where are they? It's still 6 am when you look at the clock in the living room. Normally Vivian and Richard would be awake by now, Dominick especially since he likes to exercise during the morning. Damn, you're the only one that wakes up late, huh?

Oh… Yeah… They're probably hanging out with one of their actual friends, how could you even forget that, right?

" They probably didn't even remember to warn me or something, not that it would matter since… I wasn't here in the first place." You thought, feeling a bit sad at the lack of your roommate's presence around the house. Maybe you should try talking with them whenever they come back, you can't keep leaving them and then expect them to call you to go out with them, right?

Maybe it's the loneliness creeping in, but you start to think that maybe you should apologize for your lack of presence around the house, and try to be open about how you really feel about them- Otherwise none of you would be able to survive at least an year together.

Yeah, you'll talk to them soon enough- You'll make something for "Dominick" and then tell him you'll be back soon, you'll send them a message saying you need to talk and then you'll open up to them and hopefully they'll still want to watch some movies together. Sounds like a good plan.

There is of course, only one problem:

"- W- What?! Why is everything spoiled already?? Who would even buy so many perishables and leave them on the counter? Goddamnit-" The smell of rotten food had invaded your nostrils like a punch to the face when you came back to the kitchen, after not finding anyone around the house.

They left the groceries on the counter and just- Ditched?? Who would do such a thing?? Why did no one put anything in the fridge and why was it all spoiled already?? Great, you have to buy more food now, unbelievable.

You would tell Other Dominick about this, but you're worried that if you take too long he'll keep starving- And besides, you're too disappointed with your roommates to think straight about this. You got ready, picked up your purse and stormed out of the house hoping you could buy something to make for "Dominick".

On the other side of this whole fiasco was Dominick, the real one, that is. He has been staying inside Sam's house with Vivian and Richard since you left, it's been the most long fourteen days of their lives.

Hmm? Why do you ask? Well- Maybe it's the fact you suddenly disappeared out of thin air like you were never there to begin with?! After that morning when he made you breakfast, he decided to have his own talk with the other two to see if they could all reach an agreement- They agreed with having the movie night like you suggested and they were willing to talk about the past few weeks when they neglected not only you and Dominick about also their own studies and responsibilities inside the Pink Palace.

You told him you wouldn't be there that day, which was fine, he was actually kinda glad to know you would be able to take some fresh air and not be stuck with only them for company, he thought it was just natural for you to want to do your own thing and didn't even question you where you were going. He thought you would come back later that day or maybe on the next day.

Oh but he was so wrong, so very wrong.

You didn't show up for two weeks straight. You didn't answer any calls or messages for two weeks straight. No one has seen you around, in two weeks straight. For some reason rats have been tearing up the house more frequently for two weeks straight.

At night time they could hear sounds coming from the living room and the kitchen. Every time someone would check it out, they would see nothing there except the small door on the wall being open. There was nothing behind it, only a brick unfinished wall. Someone would try to lock it up, but they couldn't find the key so they would just block it until they could find it.

For fourteen nights, that door would be back open again- Somehow the objects that were positioned to close it, would find themselves back in place.

And still, you weren't anywhere near them. No one has seen you around town, none of your neighbors could say they saw you when you left and which way you went and your family hasn't heard of you since then. They were starting to lose their minds.

Vivian, Richard and Dominick started to feel unsafe inside the Pink Palace after the tenth day. Richard was extremely superstitious, and the presence of the rats and that little creepy door were really obvious signs that something was wrong with that place, and in his mind, that something was related to you somehow.

Vivian, however, was now a nervous wreck, not only was she worried sick about you she also felt guilty in your disappearance. The confident girl has returned to her old anxious self, worrying that maybe the worst could have happened to you because of her neglect.

Dominick couldn't stand seeing them like this, so he suggested they spent the night somewhere else. One night became four, and still no sight of you, they told some town's folk to call them whenever they see you, and to warn you that they miss you dearly. Everyone misses you, especially him.

All options left for why you have suddenly disappeared ranged from bad to awful- From "maybe you got lost somewhere outside town" to "maybe you just didn't want to come back at all".

Or worse….

Maybe you were dead, and were now hunting the last place you've been through.

No! No, he couldn't think that way! None of them could… You were coming home soon, he knew that! He was sure of it…

He- He just couldn't bear the thought of you gone, of you actually really gone!

Both Richard and Vivian couldn't muster enough courage to be able to go back to the Pink Palace but Dominick knew he had to go back to see if maybe you have come back, if maybe there would be some hint to where you were, and how you were…

"- I'll be back soon, until then tell Sam I went to the Pink Palace to see if she comes back, okay? Stay safe you two." He told them goodbye before going out, after all both of them were still not accustomed with this sort of thing.

When he got home he saw that the door was open.

"- [Y/n]? [Y/N]!? ARE YOU THERE?" He came inside screaming his lungs out without considering the various possibilities as to why the door was open. I mean- Yes, the door could be open because of you.

"- [Y/N], IT'S ME, DOMINICK!" But what if it was a burglar that had entered inside to steal something...

"- PLEASE ANSWER ME!!" Or maybe they didn't lock the doors on their way out, maybe due to some animal or a strong wind, the door was now open…

"- [Y/n]..?" Or maybe… It was a trap.

"- How… How did-" He was speechless, not only because of the amount of screaming and running he did throughout the house, but also due to the scenery in front of him-

That little, pesky tiny door was open again. No surprises so far, but what really got him was the creepy, spider web filled, dark tunnel behind it.

" Since when was this here??" He thought, as he started to investigate the tiny door and the eerie air coming from the other side. Richard wasn't kidding when he said this place had some creepy shit going on, did- Did you have anything to do with this??

"- Do I… Fit in?" He wondered, the crazy man. No one would ever think about entering such an awfully tight place, with some more than suspicious vibes to it, when your friend has literally gone missing and was probably involved with some sort of occult-ish phenomenon.

But if this could actually help him find you, he was ready to do anything to be able to reach the truth, and he was desperate enough to go inside this hellhole if it meant this nightmare could end.

Again- He didn't consider the dangers of his uncalculated actions, despite the glaring red signs everywhere, he crawled down the creepy yet- Oddly magical tunnel, seeing light on the end of the darkness. Unfortunately, he probably couldn't have predicted what type of monster would be waiting for him.

"- Dominick?" Someone calls him from the other side, something about their voice is both familiar yet eerily different.

"- Are you there?" Was it you?? Was it really you calling for him on the other side?? It- It looked like you, despite how dark this place is and how far away you were.

"- What the Hell are you doing here??! I'm- I'm coming okay? Stay there-" Dominick was bewildered by the circumstances of actually seeing you at the end of the tunnel- This is almost so unreal that he wonders for a second if he is even fully awake. As wonderful as this moment is, he still feels like something isn't right, he still feels like something is missing out of this puzzle, he continues to crawl but now he is cautious of getting close to you.

Keeping you alive really did benefit him in the end, intentionally or not, these circumstances seem to be the most favorable. After a good rest, he found that maybe he had at least some amount of energy left, at least barely enough to keep one last charade.

" Perdón, love, but I must use your beautiful image, just this once." This is not exactly how he planned it, if anything, trying to look like you just to trick that guy seems a bit evasive- For the first time he isn't sure if he should really use someone else's appearance to trap another person.

He can transform himself to look like whoever he wants, but because of the current situation his appearance feels more like a mockery of your figure rather than an actual adaptation, like he did with Dominick.

However, now that he was here, Other Dominick would be able to eat from someone's "love", although- Ugh, this "love" sure doesn't sound appetizing, your Dominick's love is going to be the worst thing he ate in a long while, isn't it?

It's not as pure and sweet as yours, it is drenched in doubts and unresolved issues. Self loathe mixed with regret, he did yell at you recently, hasn't he? He sure smells like a coward, not to mention how awkward this situation is.

Think of it from his perspective: He is going to eat the love that is not directed towards him- Like all his other victims- But rather, love that is directed towards you. Other Dominick is planning on eating the heart of the one who wants your heart! It's a bit gross for him.

"- Dominick! Please help, I'm over here!" This is… Probably the first time he felt like vomiting while acting, but his stomach is empty so at least there won't be a mess anywhere.

Having to interpret you like this, especially without your knowledge feels so disgusting but he hopes you'll understand he did this out of necessity. He needs this man's heart, soul and mind, anything except hurting you, he is already too attached to you to see life fade away from your body. At least you won't be here to see him do it, that would be unpleasant.

"- [Y/n]! Why- What- What's going on?? Where were you?? What the Hell is this place-" Dominick was obviously holding a lot of questions in his mind, after all the fuck is he looking at? An empty void with only "you" here, you've been gone for so long yet somehow you were inside the house all this time??

Or more like "the empty hell-looking dimension inside the house".

It didn't take long to get to end of the tunnel, finally he got close enough-

"- I- I was so scared, Dominick-" Other Dominick tried securing Dominick on a deadly last embrace so he could do this whole process faster, but for a second, Dominick could catch the difference in voice tone, and pushed himself out of his grip.

"- W-Who- What are you? WHERE 'S [Y/N]?!" He trembled when he noticed it's eyes- The monster, whatever that thing was, the person trying to imitate you had button eyes. On closer inspection, it looked- Nothing like you, nothing at all like you! It was as if your face had been stretched out and redrawn by a horror cartoonist, whatever color your skin once had was too pale to resemble something living- And your hair- How could he forget how your hair looked??

Sure, it was the same hairstyle (barely-) but the texture, the color- Even if you did share similar traits, it just looks off! There was no other way to say it, this wasn't you at all!

"- ANSWER ME! WHERE IS SHE?!" Dominick shouted his lungs out despite his voice coming out a bit horse and mild if not completely pathetic due to his previous shouting inside the Pink Palace, this creature was threatening to come closer and he couldn't let his guard down-

He wasn't prepared at all, but he couldn't let this THING know that.

"- Oh. Well, I don't see the point in continuing this- Thank you for making it easier for me." Transforming and keeping a form is not only physically stressful, it takes a lot of mental power to not constantly have an identity crisis over these little "acting sessions".

Still, even if he could be himself, who would that be? Are they still inside of him or have they long been dead?

Whoever was left now was tall, moody, monstrous and skinnier than a toothpick. He's seen better days… maybe..?

"- Please refrain from screaming, that is absolutely the worst part and I have a headache." Headaches are the absolute worst, even to someone like him- Especially someone like him!

"- OH! REALLY?! I'm sorry, your HIGHNESS! I didn't know- u-GH!" Dominick tried to taunt the monster but all it did was earn him a slap from the creature's sharp claw hands and to be tripped over effortlessly.

"- You did that on purpose, I'm almost surprised." The man sat himself on top of the pathetic man on the ground, using his back as a support, completely humiliating the human who once thought he was now storing enough to handle this sort of confrontation.

Despite Other Dominick's appearance, his REAL appearance, that is, his way of dealing with rude "quests" was firm and elegant in a way, slapping the young man in an old fashioned way.

"- Fuck off me- You didn't even answer me-" Dominick tried to sound as tough as he could, and tried to struggled out of this position- But found his attempts to be fruitless.

"- I mean, why would I? You enter my house, you yell at me, you threaten me, I think I'm not in the wrong to do this." This was the way he would normally deal with- "Rude quests", try to mess with them. Poke, poke, and poke until they manage to fall off.

"- … You're kidding me? You LURED ME IN! You tricked me by looking like my friend, which by the way- WHERE IS SHE?!" Oh, how heroic of him! His heart beats faster whenever your name is mentioned, pumping determination down his veins, how cliche.

How… Annoying.

"- I gave you one condition and you choose to not listen, no wonder she left you- What made you think I would give you that answer?" He was being serious by the way, Other Dominick hates yelling.

"- L- What are you- What did you do to her?" Dominick whispered as if he was speaking with himself and wondering what could have happened to you in this- Fiend's hands!

"- … Hmm- Not treat her unfairly? Not pretend that me being weak was entirely her fault, not blaming twelve years of loneliness on her and only her and not taking a SMIDGEN of responsibility for my lack of social skills? Not tell her she is an awful friend because of something that happened so long ago-" Other Dominick kept teased, proud of how easily he could list off the things he DIDN'T do wrong with you, he would never have treated you this way.

"- How do you know all of this-" Dominick was shut down immediately- The monster was having fun poking him until he would fall and break.

"- Shhh, wait I got more- Be there for her when she needed, gave her comfort and care while you three were having a lot of fun without her- Leaving her to wonder to a trap like a naive little butterfly-"

"- YOU were the one to set the trap in the first place! I know what I did was unfair, I know I shouldn't treat her like that for something that happened when we were kids, but I didn't mean to hurt her- YOU DID! You tried to hurt her from the very beginning, didn't you?!" Ouch. The human managed to touch the monster's ego, a subtle yet extremely painful stab in the heart.

He was taken back by this, he stayed silent thinking about his moral ground on this petty competition.

"- You DID! You stalked us and preyed on our insecurities, you're the reason she is missing! Tell me where she is or I swear to God." The wounds didn't stop coming, Dominick was now the one pushing his buttons.

"- … Can you blame a spider for setting it's web? Longing for a prey to stick it's pretty little wings on its strings? I'm only doing what my nature tells me to do." Despite it being true, Other Dominick didn't feel proud of this notion, nor did he feel like he won this battle at all.

He tried to poke him, but ended up being the one left broken over their own guilty mind.

"- Y- You couldn't- You…" At least he still believed he would be capable of hurting you, and even if that was a lie…

"- Eat her?" It would still benefit in the end, right?

"- …" No words, only a shocked expression turning from fear and disgust to pure hatred. He expected him to say a bunch of things, horrible things, anything except that!

How could someone eat another person? Unless that someone was twisted or not human at all… In Dominick's mind, that guy was both.

Ya know, hate is not really the opposite of love, it affects us in almost the same ways love affects us- Love and hate are easy to get mixed up in this horrible world we live in, so even if he couldn't take Dominick's heart by love, he could still take it by hate.

Hatred towards him. A hateful heart would be a first for his taste, but hopefully it isn't as nasty as it sounds.

To the last breath, he fought, he did the best he could, blinded by rage, hate and love, your old childhood friend was now gone. He didn't go down without hurting his opponent, no, quite the contrary-

Dominick had made sure to rip his buttons out, making Other Dominick blind while also getting rid of the buttons so he wouldn't be able to find them later. Unfortunately, he died believing that somehow, he would see you again soon, as he didn't know you were actually alive and were just on your way back home- As a bunch of townsfolk managed to recognize you and warn you about not only the time you've spent missing, but how worried sick your roommates were.

In the end, the lonely spider did get to fill their stomach and still protect the one thing it cared about, but to what end? He was right, he was a monster, eating on the flesh of someone who you care a lot about, you would never be happy here knowing how dangerous he is for you, and for others around you.

Your silence seems to confirm his suspicion.

"- I know you're there. I heard you coming through the door, and I felt you standing there for a while now."

"- !…"

"- I can… Feel your hesitation. I didn't get enough time to get rid of the mess, I-I can't actually see now, thanks to your "friend", so I can only imagine how awful it must look to you."

"- …"

"- I'm sorry for making you see this, especially it being him… I tried- I tried to…. It looks awful doesn't it? His face is probably really messed up, I thought that maybe you wouldn't recognize him."

"- But you know it's him, don't you? Who else would- Come here and try to be your savior? Your knight in shining armor…"

"- …"

"- That makes me a villain, doesn't it?"

"- A-actually you don't need to… Answer that. I always knew I was one, I just liked to pretend I wasn't… I don't remember since when I've been doing this, but I've been doing it enough to forget who I used to be."

"- …?"

"- The truth is nothing makes me feel satisfied except- Well, this. This- Horrible thing, that I probably shouldn't be- showing it to you-"

"- …-"

"- Please don't- Feel pity for me, I wouldn't accept that. You knew something was wrong with me from the start but I kept lying to you pretending this wouldn't be… This wouldn't be your end."

"- I have told myself that this wouldn't be you"

"- !!"

"- W-WAIT! I-I know you're going away- Just- I-"

…..

"- ….. She is gone…. That's… That was a great decision."

You decided to run away, you stayed still watching that awfully brutal scene for way too long, you were frozen in place before he said something along the lines of "this could have been you"- And that was all the motivation you needed to get out of there.

However, your mind couldn't stop coming back to the body of your old friend, the body that was-

You- You can't stop thinking about it! You want to scream but you just can't- You locked his door while crawling back to the Pink Palace, the tunnel seemed a lot more tight and nauseatingly longer than last time- You could feel the walls moving but you considered that maybe that was just your terrified mind.

Your body told you to escape as fast as you could, but your mind told you to go back and- And see your dead friend again, to try to get him back despite the fact that would not be possible.

The moment you got that, all you saw was red, Dominick and that monster with him- Even without the buttons you could tell he didn't have the guts to look you in the eyes.

How did this happen? Why didn't you see it coming sooner??

What- Why did you trust him?? A complete stranger from a POCKET DIMENSION INSIDE YOUR HOUSE??

WHY-

If-

" This is my fault, this is my fault, this is my fault-"

You kept replaying that scene inside your head, over and over and over again- Feeling guilty for everything you've done wrong in these past few weeks.

You trusted a monster, and now your friend is dead. You trusted a monster and now your roommates are worries as fuck about you and you can't even explain what the Hell happened to you in all of this time.

You fell for a monster that was planning on taking you out as well as Dominick.

You couldn't handle this- You can't handle this!!

You sat on the front porch crying your eyes out, not having enough strength to pull yourself out of this twisted place. A part of you was hoping that the heavy knocking from the inside meant that he was coming- And that it meant you would be gone along with your crimes.

The other part was terrified to the very soul of that possibility even happening, so when you saw the police car come by with your roommates wondering what happened and why was Dominick gone for so long- You were both relieved and worried as fuck as to how the Hell would you explain what just happened.

" The man on the other side of the door ate him?? " Was absolutely ridiculous and in no way in Hell would anyone believe you-

"- It's my fault! Pl- Please!! I did it!! TAKE ME AWAY PLEASE-" You pleaded to be taken away while crying your eyes out, despite no one's understanding of the situation you've sat there hoping they would take you far away from here.

The banging inside the house only got louder, and for once in all of these days you were worried if you actually did lock the door or not.

The policemen heard the loud banging and decided to investigate. You were being comforted by your roommates who were happy to see you but extremely worried about what happened to you and why you were mumbling nonsense. One of the policemen was trying to ask you questions but it was clear your mind wasn't in the right place at the moment, the other was investigating the sound.

All he found was blood coming from underneath a tiny door, and the key you left behind in a hurry. He thought it would be a good idea to unlock it.

There was nothing there. Just blood.

But hopefully it would be good enough for the investigation.

The local police department was already aware of the weird disappearances that happened every year in this very house, so they already had a suspicion that this wouldn't be the fault of some random young adults that decided to move here. Sure, it was scummy for them to use your group as bait, but they needed something to be able to resolve the mystery involving this house.

And you survived whatever happened here, and you clearly knew things they would love to know about- Of course, on a better time than this.

It's clear you're fragile at the moment and that you'll need sometime to recover, and besides-

There is this weird feeling of someone watching them as they take samples of the blood.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

🦉Owl Tag Delivery to🧺:

// @radbarbariancupcake //

I want to personally apologize to everyone who has been enjoying these series because of spider boy softness, I made him a monster and I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean I can't make him soft on future Headcanons! I would very much appreciate it cause I made myself sad doing this 😭🤡

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[mysticbewitched]

Hi mystic,

So I really want to shift to my desired reality and I know all i have to do is have confidence in my power as a creator and fulfill myself within, but its like the state of the wish fulfilled comes and goes for me. I'll feel really confident and fulfilled one moment, but then it goes away. I feel like I can only stay in the wish fulfilled for so long, until it eventually wears off and i'm right back in lack. I just want to snap my fingers and instantly be in my dr, why is this so hard? why do i have to wait and persist in the wish fulfilled day after day after day? I can't stand my current reality any longer, it feels like a nightmare I am trying so desperately hard to wake up from. I've written a list of everything I want, and i've given a deadline to receive them twice, and both times it didn't happen. And every night before bed i intend to wake up in my desired reality, and I know that if i really had 100% faith in my intentions, then it would work. But its hard to believe that it will actually work when every single time it never does.

You came to the right person for this ask because I understand completely what you're feeling and going through right now.

Now I'm not going to give you some vague and unhelpful advice such as "affirm and persist" without any further depth because that doesn't ever help anyone at all when you're already doubting yourself and in a terrible state of mind. I know exactly what you're going through and the extreme amount of frustration you are feeling. Your primary focus should *not* be changing your thoughts, but changing your state of mind. You must prioritize changing your mindset.

So before I dive deep into things, I want to explain something important here: it's very difficult to consciously change your mentality just like a light switch and persist in the new mindset when we have been conditioned all our lives by society to feel helpless and powerless in our circumstances.

This is why I cannot stress enough the absolute *importance* of creating your own subliminal to target the source of all struggles surrounding conscious manifestation: your state of mindset.

My advice below for you are the exact same steps I have personally taken to change my mindset and build my own self-belief. -

Check out my guide here for creating your own subliminals.

The reason why you struggle so much to truly believe that what you want is already fulfilled and a done deal is simply because you don't truly believe you are the creator of your reality. If you truly and wholeheartedly believed that you are the operant power: you would never doubt yourself, you would never struggle, you would no longer feel frustrated, your manifestations would come true much faster, and you would be able to easily persist in the state of the wish fulfilled.

Mindset subliminals work incredible wonders, most especially when you create your very own. Listening to a mindset subliminal *consistently* and daily will completely revamp your mindset. When you change your mindset, your whole entire world, which is dictated entirely by the state of your mind, is only bound to change.

Note: It is recommended for subliminal users to listen to the subliminal for 3-6 months for full and permanent results. (Unless, of course, you hold a different belief for when you receive complete and permanent results. You are the creator.)

You can get results instantly. It can take a couple of weeks, or it can take a few months or more. It all depends on your personal beliefs surrounding subliminals because you are the sole creator. You want your subliminal to hold affirmations regarding: self-belief, self-trust, self-confidence, believing you are the creator of your reality, confidence in your own power/your abilities, etc.

Subliminals are the easiest and most effortless way of changing your mindset and cultivating more self-belief and trust in your own power with little to no effort once the subliminal has been created. All you have to do is be consistent and listen daily, and I suggest having it play during watching movies or shows, so you can easily get several hours in of listening to your subliminal. You will be able to easily believe in yourself, your own power, and have confidence in your manifestations after you completely change your mindset and build the belief of truly being the only creator of your own reality. I promise you, your whole mindset will turn a complete 180, and you will be astonished at how confident and powerful you feel as a creator. This is what changed the game for me, and I know it will work absolute magic for you.

Moving forward, manifestation is not about seeing results in the outer world. You guys are approaching this entire thing completely backward and not understanding how manifestation truly works. Manifestation is all about having faith in the unseen with the confident awareness of your own infinite power. Why would you want to throw a fit and get pissed about the outside world showing you the opposite of your desires when you are the creator? It doesn't matter what the outer world is showing you. You are the one who holds all the power. You are the only creator of your own reality.

You must understand that the outer world doesn't matter. It is only a reflection of your inner state of mind. When you understand and truly realize you are the master of your own reality, you know it's all about satisfying and fulfilling the desire within and knowing it is done because you are aware that you are the creator. You are using your awareness of recognizing your own power and remaining confident in your abilities to manifest your desires. Forget about the appearances of the outer world. It's all about believing in yourself and trusting in your power, no matter what.

Why are you "desperately trying" to achieve a desire that is already fulfilled and done for you? You are the creator of your reality and you just have to accept your own power. Creators don't have to try anything, they just have to know they have what they want and it's already done. They can rest in confidence and calm security knowing they have already achieved their desires, no matter what. It is done.

You must step up and take accountability. Recognize your power and put an end to the victim mentality. Embrace who you truly are and realize you are an infinite creator with limitless power underneath your human skin. It will only free you and empower you to believe in yourself and your own power.

Realize you are more than powerful and absolutely capable of manifesting your desires or shifting to any reality you could ever desire.

The outside circumstances do not matter, and things are only bound to change in your favor since you are the operant power. Believe in your own power as the creator. That's *the only belief* you must hold onto with all your might and passionately believe in with all your heart. You are the creator of your reality.

When it comes down to manifesting your desires, all you have to do is just persist in the confident mindset of knowing your desires are already fulfilled. Feel your power from within and know you have already attained what you desire most. This part comes easily when you truly believe that you are the sole creator of your own reality and you will no longer care about the outside.

You should never worry about any circumstances on the outside because you are the powerful master and the outer world of shadows will only bow down to your commands as creator. Have faith in your power and embrace knowing who you truly are.

Take my advice about the subliminals and you will never worry about the outside again. It will change the game for you.

Recognize your own power, love. Trust in yourself.

[ahappydnp]

from you tag: “I something worry dnp don't fully understand why we love joint content so much and that's it's probably not for the reasons they assume”

If dnp were to ask you to explain to them what the difference is between what we actually want and what they think we want re joint content, how would you describe the difference? Like I think I agree but I also couldn’t articulate it well

Oof I will try but it's mostly just *wild hand gestures and grunts*

I think dnp sometimes still perceive us craving and wanting joint content as an excuse for 'fan service' (or phan service haha) with a focus on their relationship dynamic. Like our motives are based around wanting more ~heart eyes howell~ moments or #phanproof. Which I understand is a warranted assumption! They spent years seeing that kind of stuff and have been through a metric fuck ton of overstepped boundaries and feeling like their personal lives overshadowed the content they worked so hard on. So it's understandable that occasionally they're gonna have that mindset of "ugh they just want to watch us look at each other and see if we'll touch on camera now that we're out"

But like...that is so far removed from the case? Joint content brings out a completely different side in both of them. Phil unclenches from the AmazingPhil™️ persona a bit and it's like we get to see a more down to earth, human version of him. He just opens up so much more and shines when he's got someone pushing him. Solo Phil is fun and interesting, but you can tell when he's just going along with the AP approved list of reactions and script; it feels like real Phil isn't even in the room. But Dan (and maybe a handful of other people he's collabed with that he seems to feel comfortable with but this is about dnp right now) has the ability to nudge him out a bit. Because Phil is weird and funny and quick witted, but it's easy to play it safe when no one is pushing you to show it off. (Weird!Phil please return from the war)

And Dan!! First of all...joint content means he exists in the first place (god I miss him). Joint content Dan is so much softer and more approachable? Like twitter Dan and some of old solo Dan was what I can only describe as "I'm rolling my eyes that you're here invading my space even though I literally invited you". The walls are thick and high and you're wondering if you even know this person (*cough* ganp), but then you hear him on Stereo or he's chatting to us with Phil and you're like oh it's still Dan <3 I love Dan! And he likes us! He's such a kind and thoughtful and intelligent and fucking hilarious person, but some of that gets lost when all you have to go on is a generic Dinof tweet once a month. (And like Phil, there are people who've brought out those sides of him- like his interview with John which I could write an entire novel on dear god that was so fucking good).

They've acknowledged before that they know they have amazing on screen chemistry and an ~it factor~ as a duo, but I hope they know it's so much more than romantic (lol). They're just fun to watch and it’s so obviously THEY are having fun too? Like their happiness is palpable and it transfers to the audience instantly. And going to back to the conversation from yesterday, them together brings back a lot of really good memories and it's a safe place for a lot of people. Like yes the world is a on fire trash can, but Dan and Phil are still around being wonderful humans who can bring an unbridled amount of joy.

And to close I will admit that yes, it's also still a little bit of the "dear god what happened to the closed ice cream shop jesus please stop telling us things there was SO MUCH room on that couch why are y'all like this". Like no one..and I mean no one wants y'all to make out on camera or anything, but I don't think anyone can look at them and not feel something. Because I am, at my core, a gay who's spent over a decade now looking to them for hope that we sometimes do get happy endings and love and best friends soulmates arch enemies whatever the fuck else Howell has said

[watchinglikeafangirl]

VegasPete had two intense scenes this time so what does that mean for me and you? Yess, each gets its own analysis!

So, enjoy part one since it's too hot here and a migrane is coming.

VegasPete - captured and hostage 1/2

To understand why this particular scene feels so intense, we have to revisit the very first one of this episode.

"Do you know how sexy you are?"

Many people referred to the meaning of this scene as an equivalent to the forest episode with KinnPorsche because VegasPete is as isolated from the world as they were. This isolation is in reach of our hands in this scene, we can taste it. They just had sex, they share some thoughts, they stare into each other's eyes.

"I just live in the present. What I'm feeling, that's all I think about."

I am not quite sure if it's really the truth because it seems more like a vague answer to Vegas' question if Pete just accepted himself or not. It's more like an idea we all have, we all wish would one day happen to us. Blending the real life out, not caring about what other people do or say or care about seems like a hard thing to do and certain people's opinions will always affect us. I don't think we can just shut it all off.

But that's what this scene is about. They wish to be carefree, Vegas wishes to be carefree. In the end, it's just that: a wish. A wish that can only exist in an isolated mind far from reality because it's something ideal that will never happen. The scene is tragic in this matter but it's just a little talk between them. There are no windows, there's no outside, no reality, so it's a save space to share those thoughts.

This scene is very important as it draws a line, colors the difference between them sharing little thoughts and reality hitting hard. They live there alone. Vegas can actually feel appreciation, cooks for Pete but then his father hits him and the world hasn't changed one bit. The bubble he himself created, let him believe his own lie and disappointment is what he gets in return. Yes, Pete is there, Pete didn't run, Pete helps him but no, feelings don't change the world.

Moving on to the scene I call "aggressive knife-grabbing"

We start with a sequence of an angry, sad and disapponted Vegas and a Pete that's lost in thoughts.

"I don't like it. Then why didn't I say no?"

But Pete isn't alone all the time. Vegas brings him food, though it's again just instant noodles. Since Vegas is suddenly very distant, hides his face and was gone for a long while, Pete figured the father showed himself again. Before, Vegas was open, calm and smiling but there is always a change in attitude when he got hit. The change from last scene to this one is fatal and it's rather painful because Vegas takes ten steps back again. He is again a kid that's angry at his father. This anger comes from disappointment though he should have learned by now, there's nothing to expect. But well, in our role as kids, we never learn to expect to get no love but harm as a reward for our existence. Vegas stays in his mindset, so the mental abuse can never stop.

Pete tries to reach Vegas again, tries to touch his face but Vegas acts all cold towards him. He doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to deal with it. His response to Pete's concern is more like a: don't try to fix me when I can't fix myself. He doesn't accept the fact someone could care. Like I said, ten steps backwards because he doesn't feel appreciated any longer. But Pete being there is not a dream nor pity, it's care.

This comes from Vegas' very dominant character trait: selfishness.

"It's up to you Vegas. It's your choice."

This is when things start to get out of hand because Vegas starts choking Pete. For Vegas, Pete's words imply he is too weak to cut ties with his family and run. But what Pete means is Vegas chooses to let his father have that effect on him. He once overcame it and the hitting didn't hurt as much any more. But here, he wasn't prepared, caught off guard and robbed of his happiness. The scene itself was different, so is Vegas' way of dealing with it. But Pete still tries to remind him of the power he has over his father. Vegas still has the power to decide it's not gonna hurt any longer the way it does now. It also implies he always had that power, just didn't know about it or how to use it.

"Anyhow, you're just my pet."

Pete is once again the prisoner, the pet. He is not allowed to have an opinion on his own. Vegas threatens him, telling him he shouldn't get too ahead of himself. From the mere second on Vegas puts his hands on Pete's throat, an old mask reappears. I'm not saying, he's not angry, his emotions are halfway true, but it's not true he only granted Pete to share so many of his thoughts, that he was waiting for Pete to stop, that Pete should stop being himself. This is clearly something he only says to protect himself. Like I said, he's saying "I'm not fixable" though he knows deep down that's not what Pete was trying to do. There's no pity here, it's far more complicated and deeper. So Vegas is just saying all that bullshit to push Pete away.

But then things get out of hand and suddenly there's a knife pressed to Pete's neck. None of them is moving, both confused what led to this moment. They went too far. This image of the other changes the whole perspective of things. Vegas is in shock that he is threatening Pete with a knife, that his anger is strong enough to randomly kill anyone who provoces him, even if that anyone is Pete. Pete on the other hand is just truly devastated since Vegas doesn't seem to understand a word he says, that it doesn't have to be like this and that Pete has feelings as well. Vegas' face shows regret while Pete is breaking, starts to cry.

Pete insists Vegas should kill him, but Vegas doesn't. He can't. He doesn' have a reason to. For him, he calmed down the second that knife went to Pete's neck. It shook him awake. But Pete is now breaking down since Vegas was so gentle with him before but then turned into the scary kidnapper from episode 10.

And then follows the most intense line of this scene:

"I got nothing left. Not even my hunmanity."

Vegas' expression changes immediatly. His eyes are wet, his face regrets, his body is restless. He realises what he'd done. He did the same as his father, he made Pete feel like shit because Vegas himself does. The parallel to Pete's line "they don't do this because we suck but because they themselves suck" is too obvious here and it hits Vegas. He's in this context and in this scene right here, no better than his father. The abused turned into the abuser.

It's not like he didn't abuse anyone before, we see Tawan was extremely manipulated, but none of the people before have said so. They never let him feel their pain.

Then again, it was Pete's humanity that helped Vegas but he took that humanity by force. Pete didn't give it to him willingly, so Vegas drained him. He broke Pete by ignoring his needs and by just thinking about himself because he feels like he's the only person on earth who suffers.

"I've always been useless."

Pete just drops these heavy lines, aiming right to where it hurts Vegas. By saying "you're my pet", Vegas gave Pete a purpose - in a way. He told him his worth and what role he plays in Vegas' life. But in doing so, he gave Pete something to feel pathetic and even worse. All his life comes crashing down on him because Vegas treats him no different than all the other people before. In my notes I wrote: Vegas drove Pete to the edge of the cliff where his entire life comes back to him, all the aweful days he did nothing, didn't talk back, was never respected.

This is not about the time with Vegas, it's about the raw side of Pete because he shows Vegas how much he kept hidden because he was just the pet. he hoped to be treated differently after a while but Vegas just proved he won't, so this disappointment and regret of ever hoping and anger against himself, lead Pete to not see any purpose in his life any longer when this is all he ever gets and seems to deserve.

"I never exist. I have no feelings."

Because he's always been used, became useless to himself.

"I don't freaking have anything left within me."

Because Vegas took his humanity by force.

"I can't take myself anymore, Vegas."

"If you don't kill me today, I'll do it myself."

And this is where the tables turn because Pete actively harms himself. He grabs the knife, it cuts deep through his hand and he lets out a noise of pain, because hurting yourself, even when you feel like you're ready to die, still hurts, doesn't make you numb.

Vegas wants to save Pete from himself but stumbles backwards when Pete tells him to let go.

"Pete, I'm sorry. Okay? I give up, Pete. I'm sorry."

This is obviously too much for Vegas to bear. It's all so messy and an overload of information. This scene holds so many emotions, one is unable to name them all. Regret is not enough and love is too much. So I'm not even trying to word this. Just watch the frustration, disappointment, anger and self-pity run over Vegas' face when he sees he damaged more than he ever wanted. We know Pete is not the only one he held as a pet, so Vegas is probably thinking what horrible human being he is, having done such severe harm to a person's confidence and will. He knows he went to far after the incident with his father. His impulses are too strong from being mistreated all his life. He snaps so easily and it led him to where he is now. With a man he kinda has feelings for, standing in front of him, ready to take his own life in order to escape his fangs.

"Don't leave me, I'm begging you."

Here we see his selfishness once again. He may not mean it as selfish as it sounds but Vegas has always been someone to believe the world turns around him, like he is the centre of everyone's attention when in fact he's not. His idiology fights against the rest of the world. It's him against it all. With Pete, he is willing to make an exception and let him be by his side. But then it will be an "us against the world" which is not what Pete wants. The world doesn't care about him, so why cry about it when nobody's gonna listen?

"I'm a human, Vegas. I have feelings."

Pete is once again stating his point that he is not an emotionless wreck. At this point, I think Vegas never asked Pete about his thoughts because he thought Pete would come around eventually. Those lines show a completely different side. It's the side of a desperate prisoner who wants to flee whereas Vegas only knew the calm and balanced side of Pete until now. So it didn't occur to him that Pete was not okay with this situation at all. Because Vegas can't see things from the other's perspective. He doesn't have (much) empathy.

I think it's still pretty unclear how long VegasPete are on their little vacation but judging by the way Pete's wounds have recovered, I would say a long time. So Pete was coping with all of this for like three weeks or something while Vegas thought it would be okay to keep someone in a room without windows. So yes, Pete can't believe Vegas when he implies he will free him from handcuffs. He just can't trust Vegas. It totally makes sense to knock Vegas out and flee because this was the only way to escape at all, because this was not a relationship. It was the captured and the hostage. Pete was captured and would have never been freed because Vegas was his own hostage, because he was too caught up in his head.

[intrulogical]

Unpopular opinion(??): I think Janus was in the wrong at the end of POF, when he made fun of Roman back.

And not in a "they both were in the wrong!!" way, I fully support Roman's actions. Obviously, don't make fun of a guy's name, but Janus literally manipulated Roman throughout SVS. Of course Roman is going to attack him???? You MANIPULTED. HIM. What did you THINK was gonna happen?

Plus, the thing he said wasn't even BAD. He called him a LIBRARIAN.

I just... it hurts me because Janus prides himself on being smart & correct, but cannot think for two seconds why Roman would be upset? Does he think he has no consequences to his actions? Does he think he's allowed to do things and not have people be upset? Like, Janus should know the inner moral fight that Roman is having with himself (he agreed with Janus at first & then patton was like "hey! Hes bad!!" & now is being told that janus is GOOD & that he was wrong even though he agreed with him in the beginning AND THE GUY HE AGREED WITH MANIPULATED HIM AND THEN ADMITTED TO IT IN POF)

I know Janus was having an emotional reaction, just like how Roman was, but it feels like a ... petty response to someone who is hurting.

NOT THE SAME. NOT COMPARRING but it HAS THE VIBES as like... defending yourself againsr your abuser & having ppl say you "abused each other". AGAIN. Not saying Janus is abusing anyone ot whatever, it just feels similar.

Janus hurt Roman & Roman defended himself & everyone is upset at Roman? What is this.

- @transfemlogan

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

this ask made me really think hard, because the dynamic janus and roman share is incredibly... fickle. seemingly blatant but definitely more complex for what it's worth. so, i'll try to break it all down, from everything i remembered.

1.) was janus wrong at the end of SVS.R for making fun of roman?

for a simple answer, yes— like, it is petty. you mentioned it was an emotional response to roman's seemingly lighter insult. but i don't necessarily agree with it being... hollow pettiness. sometimes people are petty for pettiness' sake, but janus, from my understanding, came into SVS.R fed up. mostly tired of being ignored for a long time despite having valuable insight on thomas' morality issues and mental health issues.

of course, i think janus could have introduced himself more kindly when he first appeared, but from my understanding of the dark sides, they are provocative for a reason. while there are multiple perspectives on what being a "dark" side means, my perspective is that these sides are usually secondary functions, usually pushed down even further by thomas' catholic upbringing. because of this, i view their provocativeness as a means of grabbing thomas' attention, ESPECIALLY knowing how easy it is for thomas to do something out of fear. but they don't intend to hurt thomas, at least not intentionally. all sides, even remus, intend the best for thomas in a way they deem fits best, even when we can disagree.

now, long ramble i know, but i needed to kind of explain the semantics of sides to dig into the idea that janus is, arguably and validly, fed up. yes, his insult was awful, that i cannot excuse, but to think his frustration came out of nowhere (at least, from what i'm getting out of your ask) is not true. it may noy seem as obvious as other sides, but janus has been fighting for the best decisions in thomas, but in his own machiavellian way.

machiavellian beliefs go many ways (i for one have not read the prince in full) but usually, machiavellian perspectives are very "the ends justify the means" kind of mindsets. and that's how janus operates. he believed provocativeness was key for thomas to listen, which is why he did all he did in SVS. it's definitely hurtful, and definitely very philosophical in a way that screams you're overthinking this, bud, but that is how he shows he cares. he fights hard in his deep, scary philosophy because that's what he thought operates well with thomas (even if he realizes it's wrong to do so, in the end). so, tldr because i think i'm just rambling— the insult was uncalled for but the buildup for janus to make an insult was definitely there.

2.) janus manipulating roman

now this, this one i had to think. because, yes, janus constantly complimented roman during SVS in an attempt to get his favor. but janus "not reading how hurt roman was" still feels very off. to me, janus had one goal in mind here: to prove to thomas that "selfishness" was not as evil as he thought it to be. the main problem that opposed this is patton and roman's Purity Culture of viewing morality too much as black and white + very catholic sense of selflessness.

janus has been frustrated ever since SVS about how his stance, although correct and the most considerate of thomas, was merely dismissed, roman and patton implying janus' perspective was "bad". that is the underlying issue janus had against patton and roman. it's not just a matter of pettiness, but there is some gravity to roman and patton labeling janus' perspective as "evil". while it doesn't seem much, the fact that thomas' mental health dipped THAT much post-SVS, even BEFORE the wedding showed how much roman and patton's purity culture was affecting thomas negatively. and janus— janus obviously took that personally. roman and patton, again, did not directly attack janus, but claiming thomas' mental state was good when it obviously Wasn't most likely weighed heavy on janus' shoulders to fix.

yes, janus manipulated roman (although most manipulation cases itself is far more deliberate than what janus has done), but janus can also be impacted in more subtle ways, like having your perspective ridiculed and watered down when it could've saved thomas.

and last,

3.) did janus not realize that roman is hurting?

nah, he did. people can realize someone is hurting AND also snap at them for something they thought was frustrating. it's not good, but it is incredibly human for it to happen (which is why i dislike moral analyses of characters in sanders sides because it just Doesn't Matter). him manipulating roman via compliments was recognition of roman's low self-esteem.

but i have to mention this: roman's self-hate issues are intrinsically connected to his black and white perspective on morality. to be a hero is to do good things, which is why he clings on to patton. he wants to ensure that he does good, even if the ways he does good really... isn't good or healthy, as proven in SVS.R.

janus' insult was genuinely awful, but roman and patton implicating him as evil was definitely heavy as well. i think janus' general frustration with roman can also be justified because, well, if thomas does pursue this new viewpoint of "being selfish is good sometimes," it... causes roman's perspective on goodness to become null. a complete paradigm shift, a change of perspective. and so in the end, no matter if janus insulted roman or not, he would end up wounded.

this ended up longer than i intended and probably rambled on for too long outside of the main question, but tldr; i think roman and patton's heavy influence of implicating janus as evil negatively impacted thomas' wellbeing, and it should be considered a heavy enough insult for janus to justify his frustrations. his insult and manipulation towards roman was 100% awful, but to say he was the only one in the wront is false, especially since there are many instances in the same episode where he proves himself a good influence and beneficial to thomas.

thank you for the ask!

[loganofthenorth]

Hi so I have yet another idea for a fan fic that I may or may not ever get to writing. (Such is the life of a creative mind with ADHD)

Anywho so the idea is really just... I see a lot of fan fics where Roman comes to the rescue and is a hero and such and that's great and all I'm sure Roman appreciates it.

But like,

As much as he tries to be the hero, I think it's actually Roman who's in distress. Not only does he have overwhelming insecurities, but the other sides keep being like: Roman get rid of Virgil!

And Roman's like: Got it! *tries his best*

And then everyone's like: wtf Roman stop being mean to Virgil we want him to stay now!

And Roman's like: Okay, sorry about that, I will try my best.

And so Roman and Virgil become besties (watch them turn against Virgil again now that he and Roman get along 😅)

Then in comes Janus. Roman: I mean, he has a point...

The others: What the hell Roman!?!

Roman: He isn't completely bad he's just trying to help...

The other sides: Roman I thought you fought for honour!

Then SVS Redux comes along and it's like: Oh he has a good point he isn't completely bad he's just trying to help!

And Roman's like: Wait, guys, what the heckity heck is happening? Please I can't keep up anymore he must be tricking you this is too much what the actual heck

And like, how can Roman accept that Janus is a good guy? Really cause, think about it.

Roman's side of any argument in the series usually ends up faltering. He usually tends to give up his argument at some point of the episode and just teams up with someone else. Even when he teams up with someone they still criticize him. He tends to play a huge supporting role in the debates, because he knows he isn't going to win fighting for Thomas's most optimistic, 'delusional', or selfish desires. Like when he's talking to Patton in SVS Redux, the whole video he's on Patton's side he's just trying to understand Patton's side. It's hard when Roman represents Thomas's desires but is shamed for being selfish, but it's his job to be selfish.

And so, when Janus is the first person to actually take Roman's side for once, Roman is like: Well then, that's pretty swell.

But then everyone's like: He's a villain though!

And Roman's black and white villain mindset is like: Oh no... if he's the villain, and he's the only one that's completely on my side... Then I'm a villain too... No, I can't be a villain, I'm just being used by a villain. He's manipulating me. I won't let that happen.

So with this mindset, Roman now thinks Janus is manipulating the others the same way he 'manipulated' Roman.

Like all Roman wants to do is make Thomas happy, and he feels so insecure and guilty over it. I get personally offended on Roman's behalf when I think about the shit they put him through, and yeah he can be a jerk but that's probably a defence mechanism.

I mean, wouldn't you be an ass too if all he rules did a 180 turn in the opposite direction every time you achieved following them?

So, long story short, we need more fan fictions where Roman is the one to get saved. Roman deserves to be rescued, he needs someone to take his side and stand up for him. So far the closest he's had besides Janus is, surprisingly, Virgil. I mean he's had team ups with Logan, but mainly their common goal is calling Thomas out on an unhealthy lifestyle.

So yeah I believe Roman, as much as he tries to be Prince Charming, is actually the one in distress who needs help rebuilding his shattered confidence.