#i'm just starting to feel like a one-trick pony

[ramblesbiab]

i told myself i was gonna start doin daily writing prompts like a week ago and so far ive gotten exactly 1 page of an angsty slowburn apocalypse lesbian romance that started from the prompt "Describe a unique type of weather!"

so uhh. it's goin great :)

[teaboot]

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

[neptunes-sol-angel]

"I'm finna get this sh*t off my chest and lay it to rest". Pick the gif(s) that you're drawn to the most, then scroll for its corresponding message of me dissing your haters! 🐍🤭

Paid Readings | Botanica | Tip Jar

Pile One

Your haters are definitely people that are from your past which could consist of those who you’ve shared a close connection with and a group of individuals that were prominent in your childhood. These people made you discover both the positives and negatives that come with the feeling of being passionate, meaning at some point they made you feel really high about yourself and could have been the reason for one of your moments where you felt really low. You could have had an explosive argument with them or have experienced mounds of anger because they’ve betrayed you in a way that involves using your sensitivities as a way to manipulate you and degrade you. Just a lot of bullying energy here, maybe their goal was to make you feel less significant or capable and alone because of your interests that are considered taboo. They could be dark empaths or people pleasers who aren’t equipped enough to handle conflict without throwing someone, regardless of how close you are with them or how long you’ve known them for, under the bus and could also struggle with finding their own independence and confidence to stand up for those that they were supposed to love or what makes them authentic. I feel like your haters are just sore losers, they don’t know how to accept when they’ve lost. What’s pathetic is that they’ve spent so much time trying to get rid of you because they assumed it would make them superior or elevate them in a social circle. Your haters could show a lot of cowardice in a way that blocks them from being creative or gaining in their career, social network, or reputation.You and your haters could have similar backgrounds but cope very differently. They’re very impatient and could make impulsive and destructive choices for fast rewards that may feel beneficial when they gain them but turn ineffective as fast as when they received it. They’re great at conducting illusions though. At one point you could have seen them as crafty, but they’re a one trick pony. Their method in tearing someone down includes repetitively bringing up the same insults to cover up the fact that they can’t roast or really say anything truly jarring about you so they cling to that one thing to see if it will stick. I don’t even think your words are something that hurts you, it’s the fact that they intend to  stoop low is what hurts you. I see several themes of them trying to utilize shame. Shaming you for your quirks is the most obvious but I see a lot of sexual themes too. Your haters could have tried to make you feel as if you were less of the gender that you identify with or they’ve used slut shaming tactics with you which could have been severely traumatizing if you were really young and in school. They’re the type to not have anything else on you so they start making up stuff to again, see it sticks. I feel like you clapback at this by being who they’re not, which is someone that doesn’t care about what others have to say about them. You don’t answer to gossip or let someone convince you that your likes are what will keep you behind, you acknowledge that your likes are what makes you the shit and it shows in how people are positively drawn to you and want to see and hear more from you without you having to wear a mask for people to “like” you. Your haters can’t relate and that’s why they’re upset. You make them even more mad when you’re empowering and accepting yourself while they’re trying to expose you, even if they do it through lies, you’re like “Ok. This is who I am. Now what?” and this is how the tables turn.

What they did to you was a displacement of their own anger towards people they feel lower than which is a lot of people, including you. They got buck with you because they saw your kindness as a weakness and that was their mistake. What makes this pathetic is that they spent so much energy trying to get rid of you just to come back to see if they can have a seat at your table because they see you’re doing big things, that you’re happier without them, and that it’s no fun throwing away genuine people to impress people who don’t care at all about them. As much as they tried to make it seem like you’re invisible, you’re now in their minds rent free. What your haters don’t see coming, is how they’re about to recognize how extremely wrong in not just their actions towards you, but their judgment in how you weren’t going to be supported. It’s going to be very apparent for people in this pile on how much you guys are actually loved. You’re going to realize that the things that you felt like you missed out on in the past, actually never really mattered. Like for an example, you could have desired to “be like the cool kids” or just “normal,” because of the people that made you feel bad, but you’ll learn that your haters are the type to peak in high school or something that doesn’t really amount to anything in life compared to what you’ve been patiently building for yourself. Maybe you don’t see yourself as patient because you get frustrated, however, I see that it’s because you’ve actually always seen the value in yourself but you’ve dealt with people misunderstanding you which is something you’ve learned is out of your control but your anger is geared towards people who react so negatively to what they can’t be patient on or understand. I’m seeing changes with this that can look like reconciliation with family members who correct their behavior towards you instead of trying to control what you want to do with your life or enabling abusive behavior towards you or you could successfully build a community or a name for yourself where people look up to you or find inspiration from you to instill more confidence and self-love towards yourself but also some form of justice that they’re looking for.

The problem with your haters is they’re lost when it comes to finding their own personality and instead of working on that, they’d rather cling onto other people by shadowing them in some way but they still expect to outshine the source which isn’t at all how it works. They could be grifters or have the tendency to copy others or go after your “hand me downs” so that they can feel like they’re on your level. They’re the type to talk down on what you have but in private try to figure out how they can emulate you. Your name is still on their tongue and embedded in their brains long after you parted ways with them because it’s the only way that they can have relevancy. They’re like salt hating on all the other spices. If they spent more time working on their own flavor instead of trying to tear you down for what makes you stand out, then they would finally find themselves instead of making their bland nature everyone else’s problem. They lack seasoning and it shows in how they treat people. Unfortunately you can’t save them from that, so always remember that you don’t have to get even with them, their misery is already turning them every which way but loose. 

Pile Two

A wise woman named Beauteuss once said “How do you expect me to chase you? Baby, I’m so coquette cunt”. I feel like this is your energy and why you have your haters UPSET with you. You have a superpower that most people are afraid to step into or fail to acquire and control which is to stand on business. This comes so naturally to you that the bare minimum doesn’t even cross your mind when you interact with people. You could have a strong balance of venusian and martian energy, you’re charming and know how to have your way with others without seeming manipulative because you’re an open book. What you see is what you get, you mean what you say, you’re very honest with how you feel about others, and you’re bravely upfront about what you want. People could envy your love life or the attention that you get. They want to know your secret with how you have people wrapped around your finger. They want to know how you’re able to be in situations where you’re taken care of by people while still having authoritative people in a chokehold. In your haters’ mind, they see their connection with you as a wrestling match that they cannot win. Your haters tend to be people who are in your career field or environments both physical or virtual where there’s a competitive atmosphere. They have big personalities that are threatened by your resistance or nonchalant attitude to submit to anyone. It just seems like what you have when it comes to magnetism or magisterial prestige is the real deal that people around you can’t help but respect it even if they initially tried to overpower you. Their dominance is more of a defense mechanism, or like the equivalent of how animals exaggerate their features to scare away bigger predators. They have to create a facade in order to control the situation or others. They aren’t really secure with their accomplishments or faith in themselves because they can’t handle coexisting with people who have strong personalities.

Regardless of your gender, men see you as a threat because they feel like you’re better than them or that you should know your place. You do know your place and that’s the problem. You don’t allow romance to trick you out of your independence or stay in situations that don’t give you what you deserve or what you seek. You are a vibrant seducer, people tend to be engulfed by how you stimulate their self esteem and sexual desires but they mess up by thinking that you’re something to be possessed. Your lovers can turn into your enemies when they realize that they can’t control you or take you away from you wanting your own things. You could have been in multiple jobs where your boss had this mysterious hostility towards you even if you’re doing what you’re supposed to do and don’t really talk as much. It’s because they see that it’s destined for you to be your own boss and outgrow them in terms of professionalism. For people who think that they can’t relate to this energy because it seems exaggerated, it’s because the main thing that your haters fear about you is your potential which is why you attract people in one-sided competitions with you. You destroy your haters by seeing what they see in you. Some things for people are written in the stars, your haters see you as the kind of person who’s able to manifest luck, success, and specific luxuries based on how confident and appealing you are to others and how well life responds to your beliefs. They could be jealous of how what could be delusional or unrealistic for them comes into fruition in your life. They could actually try to believe that you have a big head until they see for themselves that you have physical evidence that back up your confidence and influence on others. Your haters just see you as a reflection of how feeble they are with wanting more for themselves. Your haters could be older people of the same sex as you because you remind them of what they don’t have anymore or regrets over things that they should have pursued in their youth. They could also be jealous of how sensually desirable you are to people both your age and older. They feel like other people see you as someone who can do no wrong. They want your grit, your ability to get things from others, your beauty, your canniness to destroy anyone who does you wrongly, your assertiveness to stand up for yourself, and your reluctance to settle for anything less. What riles your haters is how you don’t have to beg.

You don’t require anyone else’s permission on when and how you can take time for self care. Your colleagues wish they could be like you when it comes to prioritizing yourself or how you think and act like the job needs you more than you need it. You could have a talent for having multiple streams of income. I’m picking up a lot about platforms on social media or you being in an industry where people who may have more than you secretly admire what you bring to the table, but instead of seeing your gifts as something beneficial, they try to hide you or ignore you as a way to stagnate your growth. But I see that it never works because if you’re in a space where people don’t want to give you any credit, you don’t cry over it or invest more of your labor thinking that things will change, you move onto somewhere else and end up still living up to the purpose that people tried to keep you from reaching. This mindset translates itself to many different areas in your life, especially in love. You don’t chase after people withholding their respect for you and it shows your haters that they have a lot of growing to do and evaluation for toying with power dynamics is not serving them in the way that they think it is. You make your haters question if they truly have any finesse or not by making them overthink their position and credibility in life. You make them consider how they’ve been denying themselves from their inner prowess and how they’ve allowed their past failures to consume their competence for optimism and compassion. 

Pile Three

Your haters are obsessed with the fact that you don’t want anything to do with them. These are people who are used to playing back and forth games with other people. They’re so used to always being in drama and chaos or someone chasing after them to continue these same old messy cycles that it completely baffles them when you don’t engage with their toxicity. I’m seeing that you could be really patient with people who keep poking to get a reaction out of you until they go too far. You might cuss them out, but that’s about it. You say what you need to say and feel about this person and then you cut them off and move on with your life. The closure that you give to others is very brief or sharp, people may even consider it as foul, but you don’t do it for anyone’s liking or entertainment, you do it for yourself to release the stress that you’ve been carrying so that it can bring you to a start in your healing journey away from that conflict. Your haters are very lost when it comes to reality and their ego. I see this vision of two people playing a game, one person is constantly cheating throughout it, and when the other person finally decides to walk away, the cheater thinks that they’ve won. They’re proud of themselves until it settles in that they didn’t really win anything, you don’t care anymore, and you’re not coming back to play that game with them any longer and they’re dumbfounded yelling out to you “that’s it? You’re not playing anymore? Wait come back!” and you’re like no thanks, I’m good. I’m actually going to hold your hater’s hand and tell them in the nicest way possible that they need to find a life and that no one is concerned with them since they’ve driven out every single person that’s close to them from their life by being delusional and childish. They want to be the it person so bad by actually thinking that they have haters and that people are obsessed with them when no one cares enough to be. They rely on playing mind games with people to make it seem like they have influence on others and to boost their ego but they have no idea that it’s not the kind that they think. It’s getting to the point where if they’re into spirituality and feel like they’re being evil eyed, then it’s probably 100% true but not because they’re an icon or anything like that. People are wishing for their downfall because this hater does not know when to stop provoking others and will eventually get clocked if they don’t stop.

The universe is special with its timing but humans are faster when they want consequences to be dished out. But this person has a particular obsession with you because you got away unscathed the most from them. Things don’t have to be taken away from them or done to them for them to suffer. The punishment for them that’s going to hurt the most, is them seeing you live your best life, genuinely finding peace and healing away from the hurt that they were going to heavily imprint on your life. They’re going to have to witness you step by step, moving on and finding your groove back with yourself and newer connections with people who will treat you better. This is a teaching moment for them to understand that being toxic is not cute. They will meet their match and it won’t come from a person willing to stoop that low with them. They were mistaken to try their luck with you and now they’ll have no choice but to be haunted with this lingering feeling of you looking down on them forever even when you’re actually looking away (out of sight and out of mind). 

[lie-lacdreams]

Some headcanons in Thermo & Turmoil so far (for Curly and the reader)

Because I just inserted hella headcanons into the plot and feel an urge to explain all of them and then some more lol

(Before I begin I would like to start off by mentioning that I'm a bit clueless when it comes to using Tumblr so please forgive me let me be incompetent and ignorant in peace)

In this story, reader is in her mid to late twenties, like 26-28 years old. Curly is in his early to mid thirties (33-35), which means he joined Pony Express likely fresh out of college or trade school

Reader is a chemical engineering graduate student, specializing in green synthesis and catalysis. What this all means is that she has a particular interest in sustainability and organic chemistry

The way her morals and ethics left her body after getting accepted to work at Pony Express, a shady company with not the best green practices (she was desperate to find a job, okay?)

one last related thing - the timeline of when things happen in the game vs. in this story aren't very well-aligned. I'm going off of my own timeline for plot reasons

Okay, now on to more fun and general headcanons I have for Curly ~

I subscribe to the common belief that Curly is a big romantic. How could he not be??? He tried to seek out relationships throughout his twenties but remained unsuccessful to find someone who would stay with him through the crazy structure of his occupation. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who you couldn't see or communicate with for months to a year at a time. I absolutely get it

It all makes sense because he's absolutely married to his work. He's kind of come to terms that he can't have a long-term romantic relationship and a career as a freighter ship captain. Those two things simply don't go together well

At this age, Curly has reached the peak of his career - and when he comes back from another successful trip, he has quite a bit of monetary compensation waiting for him in his paycheck

Single and childless, he's financially comfortable - he has his savings but he also will pay the bill for his friends and family 8/10 times (would he fight for the bill? Of course not, he gave his card to the waiter halfway through the meal to pay)

He doesn't feel bitter about his lifestyle. He chose it, after all. Sure, he sometimes wishes that he had stability on Earth and a family of his own to go back to, but he loves living vicariously through his friends and that to him is enough for now. Every wedding, baby shower, friend's child's birthday party - if he's off the clock, he will absolutely be there and having the time of his life

Speaking of children, he would love to have some of his own someday, but as a single man who spends most of his time in a big metal box suspended in zero gravity, he doesn't know how to interact with them and is kind of awkward

He's very open minded to different cultures and new experiences.

Curly has been to a few Indian weddings where his friends would drag him out to the dance floor and make him learn Bhangra. He's jumping along like the rest of them, moving his arms animatedly to the beat of the music

like okay this white boy can dance! The crowd is so entertained

he's not a picky eater and would eat nearly anything. When he visited Thailand, the locals tricked him into trying balut (fertilized duck egg) and when he didn't react and mentioned that he didn't mind the texture that much, it left them confused and a little pleased

he sleeps warm and can't tolerate humid weather. Going to Thailand nearly ended him

He's so community-minded. This is why I could envision him with so many 1st/2nd gen immigrant friends. Man just gets it

This is also why the Chinese restaurant near where he lives loves him. The owner loves to use him as a role model for his son

You know that one family friend growing up that was stacked with accolades that your parents would compare you to? (or maybe that's just my own experience...) That is Curly for this poor little boy.

He's actually such a people pleaser, but hides it so well under being such a confident authority figure, so it just comes off as helpful and supportive instead

He loves when people go to him for advice. He may or may not have the experience to give the advice, but regardless he will try his best to come up with a solution

[vcaart]

The most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria! Just don’t ask her to perform any spells…

(she was one of the first ponies i drew for this au and I've definitely improved since I drew her but I'm still very happy with her design so RAZZLE DAZZLE BE UPON YE)

(More info on her below :3):

Razzle Dazzle is the (self-proclaimed) most powerful mage in all of Equestria!! Charming Ponyville's residents with her elaborate tricks MAGIC and impressive magicianry SPELLS.

Razzle was born prematurely, and unfortunately it was early enough her horn, and magic, hadn't fully developed yet. Despite her parents even hiring a skilled wizard to try and help her finally produce magic it was to no avail.

Being a unicorn with no magic left her feeling outcasted from a young age, and her short stature, small horn, and donkey like appearance didn't help the teasing she got from her classmates.

Determined to prove to her classmates and EVERYONE in Ponyville she auditioned for the talent show to show off her "amazing feats of magic." She threw herself completely into learning the closest thing she could find to magic, magic tricks. At that talent show, despite her young age, she successfully performed difficult magic tricks and had the audience in awe. It was then she earned her cutie mark, which she came be ashamed of.

Not only was it a mark on her flank that her talent was being a magician, not in magic, to her it was a sore reminder she couldn't cast magic and could only perform tricks and could never go to Celestia's school for magic.

She started hiding her cutie mark with a mysterious cloak, and her dwarfed horn with a witch hat. No matter how much somebody insisted her tricks weren't real magic, she would stubbornly swear up and down that they were. And conveniently not have enough "mana" to cast any big spells.

Her parents grew worried as their daughter grew more and more socially distant, losing herself in her fantasies and sheltering herself from the mockery she had known.

To combat her isolation, they sent her to the recently opened School of Friendship! Hoping to make her realize that not everybody would judge her for who she couldn't be, but who she is.

But when she and her classmates are tasked with stealing the Elements of Harmony and the threats of their cutie marks being stolen is thrust upon them, Razzle sought the comfort of an artistic and "powerful" unicorn and joined her side to "protect" the Elements of Harmony.

---

In the final standoff between the class and the power hungry (now) alicorns, Hazy Light (with the help of his friends) bring the Elements of Harmony together to end things once and for all.

Razzle Dazzle is given one of these elements...

The Element of Laughter!

---

SHE'S FINALLY DONE I PROCRASTINATED THAT FOR SO LONG BYE

sorry the third drawing isnt too high quality, I was really struggling with it BUT I GOT IT DONE LETS GO

And here's the lineup so far!! PHEW That's over half the cast done! Only 6 more to go!

[taintandviolent]

(since you asked for these) I wish you’d write a fic where… You’re Jimmy’s girl and have been for a while and you make a big deal of loving every part of him and making him feel good. Not like those ladies at the Tupperware parties who use him for his hands. But you got curious and just once wanted to be treated like a “customer” and receive the lobster boy treatment. No kissing or touching, just lifting your dress and making your eyes roll. You’re kind of ashamed to ask and maybe he teases you about it a little. Or something. I dunno

"What, baby? You know you can ask me anything." His lips peppered sweet, tender kisses along your collarbone, sending chills down your spine.

Humming into his skin, you returned the favour, kissing along the perimeter of his hairline and around his ear. You were nervous, apprehrension wrapped its sticky tendrils around your guts and made you stammer over your words.

"I'm just... I'm curious, Jimmy."

"Curious about what?"

"What all the girls get... y'know, at those parties you go to."

You had qualmed your jealousy enough to let Jimmy do it, knowing that he made good money doing it. Besides, he always came home to you and kissed you until your lips hurt. They didn't get that.

"Aw, honey - what you get is better, trust me."

"I know... but I just wanna' know. I wanna' know what it feels like."

Since you'd started dating Jimmy, you always paid attention to every part of him. You never wanted him to feel like a one trick pony, like a simple parlour trick, so sexually, you were always attentive to him and his needs. His entire body had to have been explored by your hands and your lips ten times over. Naturally, since he wasn't used to the treatment, Jimmy was always like putty in your hands, desperate to make you feel good in every way he knew how.

Jimmy looked at you for a moment, his inky eyes sweeping over your face. He'd known you were always a little hurt by the parties, but he never expected you to ask something like this.

"You wanna' know, huh? You want the Lobster Special?" He asked, his tone almost teasing.

You nodded, bashfully.

"Alright," he said, straightening up away from you. "You got it."

You still sat on the bed, looking unsure.

"So... what do we do?"

"Well, honey," he said, in a tone that felt more professional and less syrupy than it usually did. It was still alluring, but it lacked the romance that he usually used with you. Your heart thudded a little at the thought; he reserved that special tone for you and you alone.

"Go ahead and lean back for me. Lift that pretty lil' dress up."

You obeyed, leaning back against the small sofa that moments ago, you two had been canoodling on. With a small intake of breath, you reached for the hem of your dress and slowly pulled it over your thighs. You bit your lip.

"Now what?"

He grinned and your stomach tightened. It was no wonder that he was so popular at these parties; the way he charmed these girls was lethal. Kneeling down on the floor, he slotted himself between your open thighs. "You just relax, sweetheart, and let me do what I do best."

As his fingers neared your entrance, carefully pulling your panties to the side, you let out a gasp. His large, long fingers explored your cunt like he'd never been down there before and you let out a small, breathy gasp.

"Relax, honey..." he murmured.

You leaned your head back against the wall, exhaling hard. Even though you'd known him in every way possible, tasted him in every sense of the word, you were nervous. You felt like a virgin, shy and unsure.

Jimmy's fingers prodded your slick opening and carefully slid inside. Your cunt clenched, pulling him further in. Your body reacted positively, shuddering against his touch. Your hands dug into the cushions on either side, a long, drawn out whimper falling from your lips.

Abruptly, you reached for his bicep, and Jimmy softly shrugged it off. Your brows furrowed. Why?

"I appreciate that you wanna' touch me, but you gotta' keep your hands to yourself, alright?"

"I..."

And then you remembered. You'd asked for the Lobster Special. You'd wanted to know what the girls experienced, not what you experienced. Your whole body burned, yearning to touch him and pull him closer, to kiss him, to taste him. But you couldn't. That wasn't allowed.

"That's it, just ease into it. I'm here to make you feel good."

Your hips rocked against his fingers as he pumped in and out of your slick hole. His digits curled inside you, hitting a sensitive spot that made your whole body quiver in a euphoric daze, shivering and trying to force more contact.

The hot coil in your lower abdomen wound tighter, twisting around itself and putting an intense pressure on your core. You bit your lip hard, squeezing your eyes shut.

"Feel good?"

You nodded shakily.

"Good," he said, grinning brightly at you. Despite the fact that he was knuckles-deep inside of you, he was still casually doing it, performing a routine task for him. He'd seen one, he'd seen 'em all... at least, that's how it felt. He wasn't being reactive, he wasn't sweating.

At least, that's how it looked to you. Internally, Jimmy was fighting against his own urges. Every time he touched you, he wanted to touch every bit of you, to flick his tongue along your sweet, slickened folds and make you cry his name out loud enough that they could hear you in the main tent. He wanted to fuck you, make your whole body tremble with multiple orgasms.

"Oh god," you whispered. "Oh god."

"Yeah, that's it." He nodded, encouraging you.

The coil snapped. You didn't think it would, but it did. Jimmy felt the first throbbing contraction of your cunt and smiled brightly. Mission accomplished.

"So, about payment..."

"Oh, hush up!"

[thecapricunt1616]

Pink Pony Club (Richie Jerimovich one-shot)

♡ One-Shot Inspo: Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan "I'm up, and jaws are on the floor. Lovers in the bathroom and a line outside the door. Blacklights, and a mirrored disco ball Every night's another reason why I left it all" ♡ Summary: You're an Exotic Dancer / part time house mom at The Pink Pony, and end up falling for a man that is probably old enough to be your father. ♡ W/C: 2.9k ♡ Poste Date: 06/10/2024 ♡ A/N: Hello all! again, for the asks that are atp starting to mold in my inbox - imma get to you. This specific dirty old man in a suit has been making me feel things lately, so naturally I had to write some porn about it. Asks are still open even though I cant promise it'll be done snappy. Hope everyones week is off to a great start so far!! Tagged those who commented on the post saying this would be a good idea just so you could see how it came out, hope you like :) ♡ Warnings for BTC: Age gap relationships (R is in her mid-to-late 20's, mentions of sex work, Club environments, swearing, smut, rough sex (Richie likes to be slapped around sometimes, kay?) lowkey simp!Richie, no use of Y/N - pet names only, readers stage name is Pixie Polestar , unprotected sex, not edited, we die like men!

♡ 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 ♡ ➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡ ➵ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 ♡

You had met Richie just about 2 months ago. It was safe to say, life had chewed him up and spit him out lately. 

If he was being honest with himself, the dating pool wasn’t exactly rich at 46 years old. He could count on almost two hands how long it had been since he got his dick up for more than just the binightly pornhub browser. 

That led him into the Pink Pony Club one fateful August night. You were working your usual shift, Pixie Polestar. You - unlike some of the other girls - really enjoyed your job. At least, the aspect of having fun on stage, doing cute, sexy little acrobat-like tricks on the pole while horny men paid you to take more of your clothes off?

Yes please. 

You weren’t a back room kind of girl, usually. That was because the amount of money you made from tricks on the pole was more than a lot of the girls you worked with made in a whole shift while you just worked the 45 minute trick-filled stage set then would give a few $400 lap dances depending on your mood, before skipping on home, taking a hot shower, and slipping in your silk sheets with your air conditioner turning your bedroom something akin to an ice box. 

That was how that night was supposed to go. 

How the night really went, was some loud borderline obnoxious man at least 15 years your senior, had found his way into the Pink Pony. He was wearing a pressed navy blue suit, that complimented his pretty blue eyes. That was the second thing you noticed about him while he loudly whistled for Krystal who was currently doing her set. 

You weren’t really supposed to be here anymore - well- you didn’t have to be here. You had found yourself a solution, a real career path if you will. But you enjoyed your time on the pole because it was art, and dancing was a confidence booster for you. In any regard, you were going to get older, you were going to pass your prime as the house mom was always telling you girls, so you needed another stream of income. 

Of course, being a … *eh-hem* - exotic dancer was the word you preferred, stripper just sounded trashy to you, did come with its negative stereotypes, one of which being no where will rent to you - because you had terrible credit. So, naturally, being the resourceful woman you are - you walked your happy ass to the open house of a for sale by owner showing, and told the nice realtor you’d take it. 

Boom. Done, you had a place to live in 3 weeks, when you closed on it. Then, it dawned on you. The other girls you worked with had the same issue you did. So, you found another house, saved another 25k for the amount to put down, and rented it to your coworkers. 

It was the perfect system, because you knew you’d get your rent. You knew exactly how much money each girl made because you watched them make it, you knew where they lived, and they had to look you in the eye every night. So it’s easy to say no one ever tried you. The only real reason you hung around The Pink Pony anymore was because you wanted to keep an eye on your girls and dancing was fun too. 

When he first laid eyes on you, it was something akin to a cartoon character when their pupils turn into hearts. It wasn’t too abnormal, you were one of the more bombshell-esc dancers at the club, and that isn’t to say that you outdid anyone it was all based on preference. Some men loved plain Jane’s, and the plain Jane’s were just as beautiful as any of the other girls, but the reaction of men basically tripping over their feet to try and come talk to you was more likely going to happen to you then anyone else.  

But he…didn’t come over, that was interesting to you. So, you being the master of customer service you were, took your drink and kept your eyes locked on his as you made your way across the room, and plopped right in his lap. “Never seen you here before sweetheart” your manicured hand found the back of his neck, gently caressing over his skin. 

He tried to play it cool, but your tits we’re basically in his face, he could smell your perfume perfectly, fuck he genuinely can’t believe that a girl so beautiful just sauntered over and sat in his fucking lap. Was he dreaming? He found his mind racing, and for once in his 46 years he was dumbfounded and couldn’t find anything to say. 

“Cat got your tongue honey?” You smirked a bit, gently cupping his stubbly cheek and rubbing your thumb over his bottom lip, pulling it gently before letting it snap back into place. He swallowed thickly, his hand resting on your bare thigh, just below the white glittery mesh coverup you were wearing. 

“I’m Richie.” He blurted out, his cheeks felt like they were on fucking fire, any blood that wasn’t rushing there was rushing to his cock and he found himself wondering when the last time he’d gotten hard so easy was. 

“Well hello Richie. I’m Pixie, what brings a handsome man like you in on a Friday night mm, no big plans?” You absentmindedly played with his chain, pretending to pay no mind to the long length that was hardening in the curve of your ass. All you would have to do is shuffle just a tiny bit and his cock would be nestled between your cheeks and the itty bitty powder pink g string that you wore beneath the tiny mesh piece of fabric that was basically for show and no use to cover anything. 

“I guess I was lookin’ f’some entertainment. Think I found it” he spread his legs more, causing you to sink further into his lap and his hand found the curve of your waist, his thumb rubbing little up and down strokes over the smooth skin. He never believed that the sheer triple x rated porn movie he was creating in his mind would become a reality that night but man did it. 

It was also his first night taking the dreaded viagra prescription his doctor had given him when he got real about his … shortcomings as of late. The man isn’t what he used to be stamina wise, okay? Nonetheless - he still rocked your shit - well, more like you rocked his. 

Who knew this foul mouthed, old school, borderline toxic masculinity-entrenched motherfucker would get so much pleasure from your palm coming across his cheek just hard enough it left a yummy sting and telling him “My eyes are up here you old pervert” as you bounced on his cock with a rhythm he couldn’t bring to the table himself anymore, and that in turn causing your tits to bounce like a fucking hentai film less then a foot from his face. 

Something about a younger girl calling him old and smacking him around all while using his cock to get herself off, babbling about how good he makes her feel made him more confident then he had been in years.

He often would find himself feeling a little pang of sadness after you started seeing eachother, in moments where you two were laughing a way he only ever did with Mikey before you came around, and making him feel like he was in fuckin’ High school again with how giddy he was to see you after every shift. All of it would just remind him how bad he wishes you could have met Mikey, and how bad he wishes he could tell Mikey. 

Richie knows, he would be so jealous, but in a brotherly way - that such a young hot piece of ass, a young smart, hot, funny, piece of ass was calling him daddy, told him he was ‘her mans’ whatever the fuck that meant. He assumed girls today call their boyfriends that, there were a lot of little phrases and lingo you had to explain to him and would always make fun of him for being old after doing so. 

He would tease you too, having some late 80s early 90’s radio station on (because the old head didn’t understand what streaming was) while he drove you around of course since he had learned from you that you were his ‘passenger princess’ and saying something like ‘oh babygirl this is before your time, this is from my day” before cranking up the radio and serenading you with Bad Girl by Madonna, belting it in such a silly, dramatic way between drags of his cigarette you couldn’t help but burst into giggles and kiss him at the next red. 

You had told him that when you used to do private dances that Like a Virgin was one of your favorite to dance to for the ‘older’ gentleman, he spanked you playfully when you said his crowd was older as he usually did, and of course later that night he had you perform for him and you ended up getting your back blown out to material girl since you had been streaming the song from your phone and didn’t care to find it and turn it off. 

When Tina had played it jokingly at family dinner one night, he couldn’t help the smirk that came to his lips at the memory. Funnily enough, she was the first person to find out about you. Of course, he didn’t divulge anything other than he was finally seeing someone consistently, nothing about your age or profession. Based on the way Tina had reacted with clapping and kissing his cheeks, gushing “I’m so proud of you papa! That’s so good, this is so good for you! You need to get out there more” he was reevaluating his social life or lack there of and telling himself he needed to get out more, which lucky for him you were young and bubbly so you could get him out of the house. 

The next person he told, he really told, was Carmy. Well- technically Syd too, but she just happened to overhear. 

“W-wait wait” Carmy pinched the bridge of his nose how he did when he was baffled and confused, brows knitting together as he shook his head. “Lemme- lemme just get this straight - y’datin a…..” 

“Ex-o-tic dancer, cousin. It’s 2024, fuckin hell. Women dance and get paid for it - no big deal.” He repeated, emphasizing each sound as if what he was explaining was the most casual thing in the world, which - you had explained to him it should be so he took that and ran with it. 

“You’re fucking…a stripper- a stripper that’s what they’re called when they dance naked -  and how old did you say she was?” Syd questions. 

“Hey- she leaves her panties on she’s only naked top up, and plus she doesn’t even have to anymore she does it for the art.” He points the spoon he was wiping down at Carmy “this new NOMA bullshit we’re doin’ here isn’t the only art, Cousin. Shes an artist” he dropped the spoon in the bucket with the rest of the pristine ones he’d worked on. 

“Sure- and she’s fuckin younger then me” Carmy replied. “She could be y’fuckin-“

“Yeah, yeah - whatever she could be my fuckin daughter where’s your girlfriend huh? I don’t see anyone linin’ up to fuck you. She’s nice, and into me - and - and she’s funny and smart. So see already 2 qualities named that I don’t see much of around here so excuse fuckin me f’wantin to be happy when I’m not in this shithole” he teased 

“So- this not even 30 year old, she is gonna be y’date to the thanksgiving friends and family night - the one your daughter and ex wife are attending - and you think that will be a good idea considering tiff’s track record with girls you bring around” Syd questioned. 

“Yup” was all he said before taking the now finished bin of spoons to be put away, glad for the conversation to have finally been over. 

He rehashed the whole conversation with you later that night as you slowly rolled your hips into his, your skin sticking to his, both of you covered with a thin layer of sweat. You had his hands pinned next to his head, fingers interlaced with yours, practically speaking into your mouth as you kissed him sloppy and open mouthed, obsessed with eachothers taste. You always tasted of bubblegum, a habit you’d carried with you since childhood, he always tasted of cigarettes, a habit he had carried since high school. 

“Baby with my job I’m used to people not understanding me - I didn’t expect your friends to like me. My job - it can make people uncomfortable. But fuck them. You know how we feel huh?” You picked up the speed of your hips, using the curly deep brown patch of hair at the base of his cock to cause the most delicious friction with each thrust on his cock as you chased your orgasm. 

“Ye’ fuck em baby- shit- so fuckin tight- all mine right?” He breathed, mouthing over the bruises he’d left on your breasts a few nights ago. That was one thing about your job he had a bit of difficulty getting past, but you assured him you had no feelings for any clients and that you weren’t doing lap dances anymore only your stage set and otherwise you were just there to be more of a second house mom. But still, he was a man after all. He was possessive, a little jealous sometimes. So he loved to hear that you were only his during moments like this. 

“Yes daddy- all yours. You own this- you own me” you kissed his hand before bringing it to your breast and then using his shoulders as leverage to bounce further up and down, the action causing his head to fall back and jaw to fall slack. 

“Just like that - god- fuck - holy shit baby- shit-shit- y’fuckin close? How fuckin long has it been?” He pinched your nipple lightly, causing your pussy to clench around him and a pornstar like whine to leave your lips 

“It’s been 15 minutes- Christ you’re like a teenager. Can’t even last 30 minutes?” You teased, leaning in and kissing his neck, biting and nibbling the skin as you circle your hips, essentially jutting the tip of his cock into your g spot and that floaty feeling sneaking up on you as you feel him shoot rope after rope of arousal, painting your pretty, gummy walls a milky white and his stomach muscles clenching at the overstimulation. 

The grunts and moans that left his lips when you got him here were some of the hottest noises you’d ever heard a man make before, you were always sure to file them away in a special little folder in your brain for a rainy day he wasn’t able to get you off himself. “Feel good daddy?” You asked sweetly, sitting up and resting your hands on his hips so you could look down and watch as your mixed arousals gush out of you and around him, thick strings breaking with each slow, purposeful roll of your hips 

“So fuckin good baby- Jesus gonna finish soon? Dunno how much more I can do” he said, voice breathy, blissed out, nearly whiny. 

“Mmhmm few more minutes daddy- god we’re so pretty, I bet we taste so good mm?” You swipe the pad your forefinger over your clit, gathering the sweet and bitter white, making a show of rubbing it over the hardened bud of your nipple “feels good, too, wanna tell me how it tastes?” You leaned in and he nearly groaned as he took your breast in his mouth, crystal like eyes seeding into your own gaze as he flicked his tongue gratefully around the sensitive nub. 

You whined hotly, the sight of your tit in his mouth mixed with the feeling of his pants huffing through his nose and fanning over the swollen flesh as his tongue swirled and licked and flicked and drove you over the edge. You cried out, hips stuttering as you rode out your orgasm. His hand found your heat, rubbing with scissored fingers over your clit and meeting around his cock before dragging his fingers back up to repeat the assault. 

The action had you gushing around him, the contractions of your heat getting stronger causing him to groan into your skin and that vibration just added more stimulation. “Fuck yes- god daddy- always make me feel so good, no one understands how good we make eachother feel hm? Nothing else matters, baby, as long as you feel good, right?” 

You pulled him in for a sloppy, hot, passionate kiss. A kiss that made his heart do flips, and his stomach flutter, and made him feel way lighter.

Richie thought to himself in that moment he may be falling in love again, and he was equal parts fucking terrified, and excited to see where things with you went. 

He just had to get over ripping off the very last bandaid, and then you could really be together -

And that bandaid was Tiff.

@aestheticaltcow - @myszie - @wtfsteveharrington

[blindmagdalena]

just because antony starr posts so much about his dogs ... how would homelander feel if vought gave him a dog to raise? you know, to bump up his numbers or something so he couldn't get out of it haha

i'm firmly of the opinion that Homelander doesn't like animals, and animals generally don't like him. he's the kind of guy who poses with horses and gets bit. cats hiss at him. dogs tuck their tails and give him whale-eye.

the thing is he was never raised with animals. he doesn't speak their language any better than he speaks our social language. they stink, they shed, they're lesser. pets are just another thing in this world that he was denied, and instead of letting that be one of many heartaches, he chooses disdain. he can't be hurt by it if he never lets himself want it in the first place.

it's precisely because of this that i really enjoy the idea of a dog being foisted onto him. especially one that inexplicably does like him. an excitable young golden retriever that was born and raised under fluorescent lights, destined for doom in a lab, but some genetic or behavioral incompatibility with the project caused it to be rejected.

he'd be extremely put out. there's something infuriating about the way it wags its tail whenever he so much as looks at it. he wants nothing to do with it, and yet it still follows him absolutely everywhere he goes. it barks and whines when he shuts it out of rooms he's in. it drives him crazy that the thing just won't take the hint.

"You're pathetic, you know that?" he says, practically seething. not even he's completely sure why.

he fucking hates the way it begs. those big dumb eyes not understanding his rejection. how it reflexively performs little tricks over and over and over for any scrap of approval, no matter how many times he tells it to go away. hell, it even starts to get excited about that because at least he's paying attention to it, and god, that's all it wants.

"Would you shut up!"

it's just too much. the whining, the hair, the constant demand. it overstimulates him.

deep down, what he hates is how much of himself he sees when he looks at it. the desperate pleading part of him that barks and sits and fetches when told to. the part of him that always obeys. that always wants to obey.

"What is it gonna take for you to get it? I don't want you!"

Nobody wants you. You're not like them.

he never hurts it. never lashes out physically. he's been told what to do with it and for better or worse, he's going to do it. albeit the most bare minimum.

but then he comes home one day and there's no scratch of paws skittering over wood floors. there's no wagging tail, no excited yelps. his gut churns and for a second he thinks the thing must be dead. instead he finds the pup curled up in its bed by the window, staring vacantly out at the skyline.

maybe there's something worse than seeing what you hate about yourself in something else. maybe it's becoming just like the people who made you the way you are.

after weeks of rejecting the thing, he has the audacity to be hurt that it's given up on him.

who gave it that right? why is this stupid little animal allowed to give up when after years and years and years, Homelander is still Vought's show pony?

"Hey!" he snaps, all anger and hurt and rejection.

the dogs ears pin. it looks at him. and there's just... nothing there. no hope, no expectation. who knew a dog could look depressed? he finally got his point across.

and he hates everything about it.

so he kneels down next to the dog bed, jaw tight. he stares for a long while before he just... gives the dog a pat. he's bad at it, his touch stilted and awkward through the glove, but he sits and he pets the damn dog.

eventually, that little tail thumps lightly against the bed, and he feels something tight in his chest loosen slightly.

"Good boy," he says quietly, a little surprised by how easily the words come to him.

he's always thought of praise and affection as something difficult. something hard won. his life doesn't make sense if it isn't.

the dejection doesn't go away instantly. it's a slow thing, like a wilted flower coming back after too many days without water.

but one day he comes home to the skitter of paws and a flurry of fur, and for the first time, it makes him smile.

[tanukitsuneko-suki]

build episode 37 thoughts:

- the suit actor for evol rabbit has a really nice ass

- the evol trigger doesn’t work even when he’s in sento’s body. i think it would be really funny if the reason why it fails is because he does not have love in his heart (ryusen love each other clearly that’s why the evol trigger works for them 😂)

- “sloppily possessing a human body is probably why i still can’t use the pandora box” no you’re just ugly

- I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. MY BABY

- HE CAN'T HENSHIN??!!?!?!?!?!?! IT'S SO FUCKING OVER YOU GUYS

- to be honest i thought the opening was kinda underwhelming when i first watched build but rn i'm in the middle of watching it and felt myself become teary-eyed what the fuck what the fuckkk

- 'my dna in you has been stripped away' oh okay so it's not selfcest then

- are we fucking serious

- my alien wife who is not an alien now so i cant even claim to be a monsterfucker anymore

- k-kazusen..(i get taken out the back and shot) (i really don't ship it as i am a senryu truther. but i would understand if this brought someone in a very deep rabbit hole..)

- my crackship (vernage and evolt)

- i wonder if evolt's personality changes slightly depending on who is his host (eg. becoming more curious about how humans work when he's with sento, aggressively attacking the country while he was with banjo, loving the 'game' and being playful while he was with soichi)

- in my head evolt isn't really a person in the conventional sense, but a culmination of impulses, the aggregation of desire and instinct. just like how the pandora box aroused the hidden ambitions and ruthlessness of everyone exposed to it, evolt for me at the moment is the personification of all these stray impulses, who does technically have its own thoughts but mostly goes along with the stupid selfish desires of those around it

- banjo asking gentoku to make him a rider as if gentoku wasn’t chilling by the sofa as the guys with actual illegal experiment knowledge aren’t the ones gassing the smashes up

- “i can’t do that for you. i don’t know a thing about science” i started tearing up giggling 😭😭 YEAH LIKE I SAIDDD

- “i got the job…” …BECAUSE OF NEPOTISM!??? IS HE GONNA ADMIT TO BEING A NEPO HIRE 😭

- 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

- this heated drama between men..

- “but i ended your girlfriend’s life” yeah damn his guilt runs deep because even EYE forgot about that

- nothing is funnier to me atm than kazumin and banjo setting their grudges aside to ask gentoku for help and he just. “I KILLED YOUR FRIENDS DO YOU REMEMBER‼️”

- gentoku: i killed your girlfriend

banjo: exactly.

gentoku: so why are you asking me

banjo: because of that, i didn’t want to lose anyone i cared about

second kasumi-sento parallel oh wow oh mann

- BANJO’S VOICE CRACKED OHHHHH EIJI AKASO YOU’RE DOING TOO MUCH YOUR CHARACTER SO TRAGIC YOUR SETTING TOO QUEER

- SENTO’S PHONE CALLING ENOUGHHHHHH

- i had to pause for a moment and stare outside because i had tears in my eyes when evolt said “even if you won’t see sento again?” GUYS PLEASE THIS BIG BAD VILLAIN OF THE SEASON IS A ONE-TRICK PONY ASS CLOWN AND YALL FALL FOR IT EVERY SINGLE TIME 😭😭

- evolt isn’t a mastermind he’s just a guy who discovered that if you threaten sento or banjo the other guy will for SURE do what you want . he just stumbled upon this bullshit cheat code and started using it every single goddamn time

- inukai looks really good acting like a villain asshole

- “i can erase his personality whenever i feel like it” ok now i’m not laughing

- kazusen..

- KAZUSEN… why are they getting moments all of a sudden.. stop it..

- jagaimo 😭😭😭😭😭😭 okay 🥔

- WAIT HE’S RIGHT…TOUTO HOKUTO SEITO RIDERS..TEAM UP..

- “but i can help build for a better one” HAHA

- MY WIFE😭😭😭

- AI WA MAKENAI 😭😭😭😭😭

- MAGMA WASN’T HIS FINAL FORM!?!?!!😭😭

- “we’ll create a future using the power you gave me” Ok

- i started tearing up cackling again what the actual FUCK banjo ryuga 😂🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

- HE’S BACK. ah. evolt!sento lasting for exactly two episodes…

- black hole… SHINDA HENSUU DE KURIKAESU. KAZOE KOTO GA HARANDA NETSU

- SENRYU REUNITING..! ALSO THE WAY BANJO CALLED OUT SENTO’S NAME…AUUUUUU

- “… you are—“ oh SHIT IS THIS KATSURAGI

- WE’RE HIT WITH A GODDAMN AMNESIA PLOT??!!!!!! FUCK OFF 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

- i hate it here

[chippedshake]

I'm fine

Darry is fine. He swears he's fine. Never been better.

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But he is fine. He really is.

Sure, he's juggling gaining custody over his brothers with finding out how much to pay for two coffins with considering getting a second job with figuring out how the fuck one pays one's bills with actually being a guardian for his brothers with grieving for his parents, who disappeared with a knock on his door from the police.

But he's fine. He really is.

But I realize that the worst is to come when the storm is gone

And even if he's not fine – which he is –, it's not like he can afford to complain right now because he's facing a steep uphill climb with no help. If he admits that he's not okay now, then what is he going to do for the next four years?

Or after that, when he has to scrape together enough money for Pony to go to college somehow?

He has to be fine now. He has to be. Because if he's not, there's no hope for what comes next.

And I try to recognize that it's all in my head now

Darry isn't fine.

But that's okay. That's fine because everything is actually fine but it's just his head playing tricks on him and making him think everything isn't fine when it is fine.

Because everything is fine.

He's just always made a big deal out of nothing, like when his friends would prank him sometimes in school. It was never that bad, he just liked to catastrophise.

Classic Darry, making a mountain out of a molehill.

Because. Everything. Is. Fine.

Or it will be. Even if it kills him.

But lately I've been feeling tired but I can't sleep

Darry turns over again, dragging his sheets along with him.

Against his better instincts, he checks the clock on his wall.

Two AM.

He sighs. It's not happening tonight. He's been trying for two hours and needs to be up in three.

May as well be productive.

He groans as he sits up. He'll leave the bed unmade a while longer just in case he gets tired enough to go back to sleep, because he definitely won't get back in if it's made.

He stifles a yawn as he cracks Sodapop and Ponyboy's door open. They're fast asleep, Soda's arm around Pony. Darry lets himself breathe a sigh of relief.

They're okay. They're fine.

His eyes struggle to stay open as he sweeps the floor. He can feel his eyebags growing as he scrubs the kitchen counters. Falling asleep standing up is seeming like a genuine possibility by the time he starts mopping.

It's three thirty when he goes back to sleep.

My head is running miles but I can't breathe

Soda's thinking about dropping out. Soda's thinking about dropping out. He's thinking about dropping out because Darry's failed.

Failed at keeping his brothers safe, at maintaining their childhood as best he could with the neighbourhood they live in. Because now Soda is going to have to worry about bills and paychecks and bosses.

He can feel his breathing getting faster but he can't get it to stop.

And he's not a fit guardian is he? He can hardly keep them all under control on a good day and he can't keep Soda in school and Ponyboy's always mad at him and Soda'a dropping out–

Are these grounds for the State to take them away? Of course they are, everything is. Any step out of line, any tiny mistake (Darry makes so many he doesn't understand how he's been allowed to keep his brothers for so long), it's all grounds to take his brother away.

Oh, God, he can't breathe, he can't breathe

Will I ever get my mind under control?

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.

Like his mom always did.

In for four, hold for seven, out for eight.

I don't know

'Cause I'm in the eye of the storm

Most people feel calm when they reach the eye of the storm. It has the lowest pressures in the whole storm, and it seems like you've escaped.

It seems like everything's back to normal.

Like Ponyboy still likes books just because he likes them. Like Dally's still got someone to trust. Like Soda still lets himself be a kid. Like Two-Bit just drinks for fun sometimes. Like Johnny can trust him as much as he trusted Darry's parents.

Only Darry knows better. He knows what's on the other side of the eye. He knows the storm goes on.

That Ponyboy's reading to escape reality. That Dally’s hardened back to how he was when he arrived. That Soda knows they can't make do just with Darry's paycheck. That Two-Bit's become an alcoholic. That he's never bothered to form a bond with Johnny in the past and he still seems scared of him.

And I've never been here before

Darry used to think he was stressed.

When he got a bad grade on his physics final in junior year and thought all his hopes for college were crushed unless he doubled down during senior year.

When he realised he didn’t like his girlfriend like he was supposed to, and he hadn’t liked any of his girlfriends like he was supposed to. And he hadn’t liked anyone That Way and he was at prom and had to dance with his girlfriend and felt like he was failing her constantly.

When they were in second place towards the end of the football league and they needed to win this game or it would've all been for nothing.

He scoffs at the memories of what his oh-so-stressful life used to look like. What wouldn't he give for that to be his greatest worry?

All of my thoughts screaming loud, saying that I'll never make it out

When Darry looks at the kitchen, he sees all the meals he needs to make. The table is just its short leg that needs fixing. The mailbox is just the bills.

When Darry looks at Pony and Soda, he can hardly see his little brothers anymore. He sees two boys who need clothes and food and a reminder to bring a blade wherever they're going.

He loves them, too, but that comes second.

You can't love a dead body, or a boy being kept by the State fifteen miles away.

'Cause I'm falling deeper and deeper into my head

"Darry?"

Darry snaps out of his thoughts. Soda and Pony are looking at him worriedly. He's not even sure who said his name.

"Yeah?"

Soda's brow furrows. "You okay?"

"I'm fine, Soda, don't worry about it."

His half-hearted reassurance doesn’t seem to comfort either of them, but they carry on with their conversation.

Darry tries to think of what they were talking about so he can follow the conversation, but he can't remember anything after he started cooking.

And I'm scared that I can't see the light at the end

Darry stays on autopilot until he collapses into his bed.

All he wants is for sleep to take him. He just wants his head to slow down for once.

But of course it won’t.

It starts with the usual: mental math he loses track of but that helps him feel in control of everything. Calculating his paycheck and Soda's and the bills and Pony's college savings account and groceries and Darry's own savings account.

Then that turns into worrying about Pony at school: whether Socs give him any trouble, whether he's doing alright in his classes (because if anyone knows that grades don't mean anything, it's the boy that sold essays throughout his junior and senior year to pay for college), what classes are his favourite (because Darry doesn't talk to him enough to know).

What classes he'll choose when he gets electives.

What he'll major in.

And then Darry's thinking about what he'll be doing when Ponyboy's in college (because Ponyboy's getting out if it's the last thing Darry does) and he's realising that he has no idea.

There's no future for him after his brothers leave.

He used to imagine what his life would be like once he gathered the money for college. If he tries hard enough, he might be able to remember what it was like to hope.

But then he threw away all his dreams, all the possibilities of somehow getting out, and he doesn’t know how to find them again.

I'm in the eye, I'm in the eye of the storm

[pinkkop]

This week’s recap is brought to you from a train!!! Also in case anyone missed it I made a post with some tips and tricks on how to use the Tumblr Search Function which you guys might find helpful.

QL Recap for Week 5

The 27th of January to the 2nd of February

🇹🇭 Your Sky

Episode 12 of 12 || Watching on: iQiYi, Sunday

Really liked this show and it kept me invested all the way 'til the end. All three couples were great and weirdly the one who I'd love to see the most in another show in the future is Save. Thomas and Kong were great but I'm not sure how easy it would be for them to pull off other dynamics than this one at least at the moment. They definitely delivered in this show though! The NC scene in the final episode absolutely blew my mind and I’m really happy they had it in the episode because if there’s one thing I find frustrating it’s the Blushing Maiden trope and this scene showed us how Rak absolutely wasn’t a blushing maiden. Sure, he was hesitant in the beginning of their relationship but he was still very much into Fah both romantically and sexually. I loved seeing him taking charge and Fah’s reaction was just great.

🇹🇭 The Boy Next World

Episode 5 of 10 || Watching on: iQiYi, Sunday

This show is still confusing but it helps that we now know that Jin can read minds and that there is no parallel world(?). I feel like there must be some kind of other supernatural thing going on with Cir though because some of the dreams Cir’s having seem like they aren’t normal. Boss and Noeul though are fire as always and that bj scene was mind blowing. I’d like to send a fruit basket to Boss (or whoever gave him directions) for giving Noeul’s legs some attention once again. I’m a big fan of some body worship and when they focus on other body parts in BL NC scenes so I was thrilled to see it. It can get pretty repetitive when the shows always do the classic “kiss him down his chest and then up again”.

🇹🇭 Perfect 10 Liners

Episode 15 of 24 || Watching on: Youtube, Sunday

I’m really liking Santa and Perth in this so it's safe to say that I'm on board with their pairing. It was very satisfying to see Yotha finally figure out what’s up and then get to experience a loving family. Not big on relationships that seem to be so magical that they fix all your trauma but it seems to be a theme this week so I guess I have to live with it.

🇹🇭 Sangmin Dinneaw

Episode 6 of 8 || Watching on: iQiYi, Sunday

This show keeps being so weird and just an odd mix of plot and genre. As with the past weeks I’m still enjoying Sangmin and Dinneaw’s part and for the most part also Tor and Athit but I don’t care for Pony and the third couple at all!

🇹🇭 The Heart Killers

Episode 10 of 12 || Watching on: Youtube, Wednesday

Finally Fadel and Bison know what’s up with their "Mom"!! I loved seeing Fadel dealing with the knowledge that his ex had been killed by “Mother”. His breakdown and the following desperate attempt at pushing Style away was delicious. Just standing ovation to Joong. Is it clear who my favourite character is?!

🇹🇭 ThamePo Heart That Skips a Beat

Episode 8 of 13 || Watching on: Youtube, Friday

I’m still enjoying this but I’m starting to feel a little frustrated with some of the characters. I was ready to slap Thame when he almost suggested that they should basically compete for Po’s love. Also I’m very much of the opinion that Jun definitely has feelings for Po and just decided to step aside when he realized that Po has feelings for Thame because if not then what the fuck was he doing this episode?!

🇯🇵 Futtara Doshaburi

Episode 4 of 7 || Watching on: Gagaoolala, Friday

I’m still on the fence about this show. I’m intrigued by what it’s trying to say and I really like the production but I’m still worried about where it’s going. All the relationship problems in this show are in part due to inaction and missing communication and maybe a dash of denial about the state of their relationship which I can’t quite figure out if that’s my cup of tea or not. Especially Nakarei straight up annoys me because he just keeps trying to sleep with his partner even when he’s been told no many times that he doesn't want to. Like you basically started this relationship knowing that it wouldn’t have a physical component so why the fuck do you keep throwing yourself at your partner?! Also he just has this air of superiority which irritates me.

🇹🇭 Petrichor

Episode 10 of 10 || Watching on: iQiYi, Saturday

I liked this show and I definitely think it’s worth the watch. Sammon writes some cool stories, but it does often come at the cost of the relationship which is a pity. Don't know if it's because they workshop the shows differently, don't pay much attention to it during production or if it's because the plot outside the romance gets priority in post production.

🇨🇳 I'll Turn Back This Time

Episode 4 of 6 || Watching on: Gagaoolala, Saturday

I’ll be honest, this show isn’t good enough for me to enjoy plot points around homophobic parents, so I wasn’t a big fan of the turn this episode took. I’ll definitely watch this 'til the end but my enjoyment and investment took a bit of a dive this episode.

That's it for this week!!

For links and airing schedule check out World of BL (Only for BLs)

[ravennaortiz]

August 2nd is Juice with the prompt "There is a reason I don't celebrate my birthday". Requested by a lovely Anon. As always my stories are 18+

I thought she would like this thought Juice to himself as he collapsed onto the floor outside of your bedroom door. He knew it was unlocked but had decided against going in. You had not responded to his knocks or request to enter. He knew from the way your eyes had shown with tears and your lip had trembled when you entered the house that you were upset.

For the life of him he wasn't sure why though. He had surprised you before with trips and gifts. He figured a house full of friends for your birthday would be greeted with joy and happiness. He had spent weeks planning the perfect day for you. Everything from breakfast in bed to a day out on the water surfing to a surprise party once you got home.

Streamers and balloons of your favorite colors decorated the whole of the house. Your favorite foods, drinks and birthday cake had been made to perfection. He had been sure of it. You deserved to have the best day ever but yet somehow he had fucked it up.

"Aye Juicy boy. Ye want us to clear out?" inquired Chibs quietly as he entered the hallway a few minutes later. Juice sighed as he looked up. "I don't know. Probably. I'm not sure anymore. We were having such a good day.....I don't know what happened" admitted Juice as he rubbed his face with his hands.

Before anything else could be said the door opened and he fell in at your feet. "Could we talk" you murmured as you sniffled. Your eyes red and puffy and your makeup running down your face. Juices heart broke as he looked up at you but nodded as he sat up when you crouched down to sit next to him.

"I will give you two a few minutes" stated Chibs before heading back the way he had came.

"Tell me what I did wrong babe" murmured Juice as he grabbed your hands as he watched you closely. "Nothing. It's silly. I'm an adult and should be over it" you started as you shook your head and sighed. "I'm sure its not silly. Talk to me" encouraged Juice. "There is a reason I don't celebrate my birthday. Well lots of reasons honestly. This is my fault for never bringing it up. I usually just get the guy to break up with me before my birthday so it's never been an issue before" you rambled as you looked anywhere but at the man you had grown to love over the last ten months.

Juice frowned but waited patiently for you to speak again. "So you know how I don't speak to my family anymore?" you asked looking down at your hands. Juice nodded. It was something you had mentioned on one of your earlier dates. The two of you had bonded over your unique family situations. You had been no contact with yours since you turned eighteen.

"My parents and sister made it clear I was not wanted. They called me a mistake and I was left more often than not to fend for myself. My birthday was always treated as a day to tease, belittle and physically hurt me on occasion. Some years they would trick me into thinking things would change but they never did. My sister always got to use my birthday as her half birthday. So while I was being hit, starved and locked in a cage in the basement. My sister was getting presents, cakes and pony rides." you explained keeping your eyes down as tears started to fall again.

Juice could feel his temper started to flare at your words but kept it contained. He would do some looking into your family. They would pay. Right now he needed to reassure you that would never happen. "I'm sorry that happened to you. I promise my only intent today was to shower you with love and show you how special you are not only to me but to others" started Juice as he lifted your chin up gently. "I'm sorry that you were reminded of your past. I promise you that will never happen again as long as I breathe" he added as he wiped your tears with his thumb.

"Wait here. I'm going to have everyone head out and then I'll draw you a bath okay?" offered Juice as he started to stand. "Actually.....I...I would like...to try having a birthday party. If that is okay" you stammered as you laughed nervously at the silliness of it all. "Of course. I'll let everyone know you will be back out in a bit" stated Juice with a grin as he helped you up and gave you a kiss before heading down the hall.

Return to Masterlist

[hitomisuzuya]

hiii suzuu could i have some yn scara coffee shop au fluff?

Scaramouche x fem!reader. Fluff. AU. Scara with a smooth pick up line at the end. Some humor.

Hello, dear❤️ Sorry it took me awhile to get to this. I wanted to think of something really cute. I know you guys don't fancy my fluff or romance as much as my smut but I wanna show I am not a one trick pony.

At first, Scaramouche had only stopped in to get a coffee. Get in, order, pay, and get out. That was a plan, anyways. Until he saw you.

When he first walked in, there you were, standing there looking all beautiful as you smiled at him in what he started hoping wasn't an obligatory smile in greeting.

"Scaramouche. What a unique name," You said when you asked what name to put on his cup. You wrote with a marker on the cup. "Spelt like this, right?" You showed him the cup with his name spelt correctly in blocky but somehow elegant handwriting.

No one had ever taken the time or consideration to ask him if his name was spelt right. Were you some kind of subhuman or something?

Scaramouche left that day not having the nerve to ask you for your phone number. Fast forward to this point a few months later. He still hadn't gotten the nerve to ask for your number.

You know what they say about pretty girls? They were intimidating to approach because they were pretty.

Yeah, that was you.

Scaramouche always made it a point to ask you what days you worked so he could come and see you. He would spend his time making idle conversation with you about music or anything when there was a lull in customers, or when you were doing cleaning, or had a spare minute.

And ordering a lot of coffee.

He started picking random mixes, and it become something of a game for both of you. Especially when you started sampling his concoctions with him.

Scaramouche watched you at the counter, handing someone their order. This guy had been coming in quite often, just like he was. He knew what he was after.

He couldn't sit still any longer when the guy lingered by the counter. He needed insert himself into this situation before it was too late.

But, Scaramouche had something working against him. You did that thing where you tucked a lock of hair behind your ear when you smiled. That distracted Scaramouche from seeing that his shoe lace was untied.

Because fate loved him so much, he stepped on his shoelace, tumbling right to the ground. He let out a loud volley of curses.

You rushed out from behind the counter. "Are you okay?" You asked, kneeling down in front of him. You put your hands on his cheeks. "Did you hit your head? Look at me."

Scaramouche's cheeks flushed, gently batting your hands away. "I'm fine," He said gruffly, his pride heavily dented. His breath was stolen from his lungs when he looked into your eyes.

You sighed in relief. "That's good," You offered him your hand. He almost didn't take it out of pride, but that would give him a excuse to actually touch you in some way.

He could barely look at you as he got to his feet. He could smell your perfume. "Wait," He said when you turned to go back to the counter.

"Hm? Are you feeling dizzy?" You asked, looking over your shoulder at him.

Scaramouche shook his head, his cheeks flushing darker. "I'll need your phone number so you can come check on me later," He said, feeling his heart speed up in his chest. He'd finally done it.

His heart dropped when you smiled at him, and walked back to the counter without a word. Were you turning him down? What was going through your head?

You went about making a coffee, making sure it was black like he normally liked it. You wrote what he assumed was his name on the label.

A pity coffee?

"Here, it's on me," You said, handing him the coffee cup. However, his name wasn't on the label. Instead, there was a little heart colored in with purple marker, and your phone number under it.

Your cheeks had the cutest blush on them.

[deusvervewrites]

What were the best fics you've read this year?

I'm narrowing this down to the fics that I started reading in 2023

Genesis: AFO!Midoriya as a Vigilante, and Ashido getting OFA.

Shuten-Doriya: Transfem!Midoriya with an Oni Quirk. She and Inko end up making a highly-popular Sake brand. Hatsume and Melissa make a robot that turns communist.

CoG: The Missing Link: A MHA crossover with Psyren that adapts it to the MHA setting in a fascinating way

Hellspawn: Midoriya with a demonic Quirk

Supporting a Hero: Support course Midoriya dating OFA!URaraka. Hero!Toga.

Oops, Seiai: Midoriya is accidentally enrolled in Seiai. Shenanigans ensue.

Mechanize!: Support course Midoriya who has a Quirk, unknown to him.

Changing Gears: Come on. You already know.

Four Minutes for the Truth: Ace Attorney crossover with Ghost Trick that assumes you know the twists in Ghost Trick. Sissel has to keep Edgeworth alive

Gears & GFs: Quote the summary, "Momo hacks. Mei invents. They fall in love, meet, fight, and kiss— in that order."

Ghost of a Chance: Another Ace Attorney and Ghost Trick crossover, this time with Mia as the ghost

Heroes Beneath the Mask: Persona 5 crossover with MHA with the interesting twist of not having Joker and Midoriya roleswap.

Welcome to demon school, Izuku-kun!: Fucking read it.

When Fangirling Reaches New Heights: Fem!AFO!Midoriya is bad at being a Villain but good at flirting with OFA!Uraraka.

Good Intentions (Make Bad Excuses): Dadzawa arrests Quirkless Vigilante Midoriya in an effort to make him a Hero only to discover that he is in a Midoriya Has Trust Issues fic and just shattered the tenuous relationship he'd built

Those who Help the Heroes: Another Support!Midoriya fic, this time with online friends

Pony Tsunotori's Second Quirk: Bootleg One for All: Look there is nothing here I can say that the title doesn't.

Oops, One for All for All: Same author and description as the previous entry.

Accidental Apotheosis: Ash is actually an Arceus because his dad is secretly the Arceus. Hilarity ensues.

Ghost of Tatooine: From the author of my favorite BotW fic, this Star Wars fic is based around the idea that Anakin didn't become Darth Vader because Sideus fucking killed him and Luke can see his ghost.

Feels Like There's No Gravi-TEA!: A fluffy one-shot of Uraraka and Yaoyorozu getting together.

Grindstone and Forge: Midoriya clears extra-dimensional dungeons to gain superpowers and Yaoyorozu has OFA.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Why hello! I don’t see why we can’t keep the Top 5 trend alive in the new year so…

From one chronic rewatcher to another, what are your top 5 most rewatched scenes?

Sorry this took so long, @wen-kexing-apologist! I'm just now getting back to posting a bit more regularly after the holidays got me totally off track, and this question brought up a lot of Thoughts so I've been chipping away at it for weeks.

So, um, this is the best question ever. Except it’s the meanest question ever, because I'm terrible at choosing between things like this.

I am a massive rewatcher, whether you’re talking about whole series, episodes, or scenes. Scenes especially. Why watch an entire thing when you can go right for the best part/s and watch them over and over? This is also one of the reasons I have way too many gifs saved on my phone.

I thought about coming up with a list that was based more on what would make a good post, and/or what would make me look less uncool, than what I actually rewatch the most. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to be honest instead. So at the risk of seeming even more like an Utsukare obsessive and overall one-trick pony, I'm going to talk about the five scenes I think I've actually rewatched the most, even though four of them are from my perennial obsession.

The four Utsukushii Kare scenes are in the order they occur in the series, not from most rewatched to least. Then I'll talk about a fifth scene from another series that I've been pretty vocal about appreciating, and I'll mention some runners-up.

“who do you like, him or me?”

If gif posts are any indication—gifs are the smallest increment of rewatching, after all—some of my favorite scenes to rewatch aren’t that popular with other rewatchers. This one gets gif’ed, sure, as you can see. But it's not as popular a choice for this kind of treatment as a lot of other Utsukare scenes.

There are a few reasons this one is a favorite of mine. One is that I tend to like some jealousy in my romance. I have my theories about why it’s so appealing to me specifically, but I’m not entirely sure how to explain it. I also love a good aggressive shirt-grab. (Utsukare certainly delivers these regularly.) But the main reason I keep coming back to this moment is that in just a few sentences, a bunch of character development happens. Well, I guess it would be more correct to call it character revelation. This is the first time we really see this side of Kiyoi, and in that respect, it foreshadows the big perspective shift that’s just around the corner. The viewer picks up a lot of hints that Kiyoi has feelings for Hira prior to this point (even if Hira remains stubbornly oblivious to them). We’ve even seen Kiyoi kiss Hira already (even if he did push him to the ground a split second later). But this is the first time we see such direct evidence of the strength of his feelings for Hira. Kiyoi is so unguarded for this brief moment. The mask slips and what’s underneath is total desperation.

Hira, of course, misses the real meaning of what Kiyoi is saying despite how obvious it is. Which means it's also the viewers’ first indication of how intensely Hira clings to his favored view of reality in the face of evidence to the contrary.

"sorry I like you"

This is another scene where so much is happening in a short span, all because Kiyoi got desperate enough to talk about all of the unspoken bullshit between him and Hira. As usual, Hira doesn’t get it. But he might be starting to. 

This scene is pretty rough watching in some ways. When this episode first aired and it ended with this scene followed by each of them on their own and feeling terrible, I was a bit of a mess. It was silly of me to worry. There were plenty of favorable signs in the preview for the finale. I knew the novels had a happy ending. But it was just so sad and so real that it got to me anyway. But I also enjoyed it, because for an obsessive analyzer like myself, seeing these important relationship dynamics finally come to the surface in such concentrated form was fascinating. It was also a relief to see things out in the open.

Both leads turn in such great performances here. Yagi Yusei really steps up. It’s even more impressive given his relative lack of acting experience. His performance is so raw and affecting. If he had been less vulnerable, Kiyoi’s point about how contradictory Hira’s actions and statements are could seem like a kind of “gotcha” moment designed to win an argument--like he was pointing out that Hira was hypocritical in a bid to score points. Instead, Yagi shows viewers how deeply being caught in this double bind with Hira has hurt Kiyoi. 

Hagiwara Riku, in contrast, portrays Hira as so confused that he’s basically dissociated. Hira has a really strong tendency to see the world in whatever way suits him, regardless of the truth. Kiyoi’s words force Hira to set his usual narrative aside and see how much clinging to it is hurting the person he claims to love, and it throws him off to such an extent that he seems to be experiencing a form of psychomotor slowing. He looks like he’s moving through molasses. He can’t form sentences, or at times, even words. His normally expressive eyes seem like they’ve shrunk to half their normal size. He’s really come unmoored, and it shows. The more I think about Hagiwara’s work in this scene the more impressed I am by the insight and physical control he had to bring to bear in order for it to work. 

Of course, if I watched this scene on its own habitually, this level of blorbo distress might take a toll on my mental health. Which is why I usually follow it up with…

"I'm not going to kiss you for a while"

I’m busting out the bullet points for this one because otherwise it might take me all day.

This scene works on so many levels!

Well, the main ones are:

Relationship progress! Character growth! 

The whole kiss fakeout thing is hot

Hira gets some payback and frankly, he deserves it

The other highlights for me are: 

Even after repeated viewings and knowing very well what happened in the story, I still feel kind of relieved to see that Kiyoi came back, especially right after rewatching the scene prior to this one. 

When Kiyoi asks Hira why he thinks he came home and he says, “to punch me?" he does it in the most weirdly cute way.

Kiyoi’s absolutely lethal snotty face/voice when he responds to the possibility of punching Hira with “maybe” is so perfect that it's hard not to think that Hira might have a point about this whole King deal. 

Hira apologizes and it’s actually sincere and not just some knee-jerk bullshit. 

The way Hira closes his eyes and waits for Kiyoi to smack him is a rare case of him actually letting go and putting himself in Kiyoi’s hands instead of his usual topping-from-the-bottom thing.

More about the kiss fakeout:

Hagiwara does a great job of telegraphing Hira’s expectant response. In scenes where two characters are going to kiss but get interrupted, it's not uncommon to see a kind of hesitation or other subtle signal that the actor knows the kiss isn't going to happen. But there's none of that here. Hagiwara even does this sort of gulp/swallow thing like he thinks the kiss is going to start any moment. When the kiss doesn't materialize, he nails an absolutely pitifiul sad puppy expression.

Kiyoi’s vulnerable voice and facial expression when he explains about the kissing boundary thing is so sincere and cute. Could he be any more different from season 1 episode 1 Kiyoi?

I’ve written about how the no-kissing-until-Hira-takes-Kiyoi-seriously policy might seem like a controlling move or an inappropriate ultimatum to some viewers but it actually better resembles what Harriet Lerner calls a “bottom line,” resulting in a boundary that is not only justifiable but downright healthy…or almost healthy, at least. It's a bit on the extreme side, and the fakeout part remains a little mean. But they're understandable given what Hira has put Kiyoi through. 

Here's my s2e4 writeup that includes that discussion:

“sorry, Kiyoi”

So, I’ve already written quite a bit about this scene. In one instance, I wrote a propaganda blurb when it was in bl brackets’s kiss bracket.

Here's the original blurb I wrote for @bl-bracket when I nominated the scene, as used in the post where people voted:

Hira and Kiyoi Final Kiss: "It’s an important plot point (because Kiyoi has said he won’t kiss Hira until he stops putting him on a pedestal and now Hira is making progress on that front, and because Hira hasn’t initiated physical stuff in the past, and initiating is itself a way of treating Kiyoi more like an equal). It’s also just a really well-acted and effectively shot kiss, and as a result it communicates so much about the characters and shows a side of their relationship not portrayed elsewhere in the show. And of course, it’s super hot. That includes the kind of weird but suggestive details that are typical of the show, like Hira passing candy/candy spit to Kiyoi through the kiss and then switching into this really distinct sexy voice that makes it sound almost as if he’s changing personalities."

And here's an additional, longer propaganda post I wrote to lobby for votes:

One of the points I tried to make in that post about why this scene is special was that it really does represent a leap forward in how both leads portrayed intimacy in this series. Prior to this scene, viewers had seen a dead fish kiss on graduation day, a more intense makeout situation in the season 1 finale that was shot so impressionistically that it was often hard to tell exactly what the actors were doing, and some interrupted kisses earlier in season 2. And then this happened. Here's a quote from what I wrote previously:

Personally, despite being a fan of both actors and thinking they did amazing work on the series, until I saw this scene I really didn't know if they had it in them, if they could actually pull off something that felt real. But they brought it. They're not holding back. As opposed to more stylized kisses you see in BLs and other romance dramas sometimes, I found it very naturalistic, like the way a couple of real kids in their early 20s would kiss.

So, yeah. I thought it showed real growth on the part of the actors as individuals and as a pairing/team.

This scene also caused me to dig deeper, with the help of some very knowledgeable mutuals, into what “persistent” and “cute” mean in a sexual context in Japan. My main post about that is below.

Noticing Hagiwara's use of Hira's "persistent voice" also helped me to notice something else when I checked out his other work, and that is that he often uses his voice in very different ways in different roles. I recently watched a drama he did before Utsukare and I was struck by this all over again. Again, it shows a really impressive degree of control.

And now, for our one non-Utsukare scene in the top 5:

"I'm trying to seduce you"

I also wrote a nomination blurb about this scene for the kiss bracket. (If you're seeing a pattern here, well, yeah, it's a pattern.) The original voting post here but I'll go ahead and quote it in its entirety since it's pretty short.

This kiss is ridiculously hot and is a culmination of so much that’s been simmering beneath the surface for the entire show up to that point. Togawa has been pining so hard for Nozue for so long that when Nozue gives him a glimmer of hope and then tries to leave, everything he’s been bottling up comes surging out. Kimura Tatsunari exudes a level of desperate lustfulness in this scene that’s as intense as anything I’ve seen in any genre. We’re all familiar with the idea that people look at a person’s mouth when they want to kiss them, but Togawa looks at Nozue’s mouth like he dreams about it every night and sees it every time he closes his eyes. No wonder he feels a need to stick his thumb in there. Takeda Kouhei also communicates so much in this scene. Nozue is shocked and confused but he can’t help but respond to Togawa’s kisses. You can see the gears turning—and refusing to turn—as he tries to make sense of what’s happening—and keeps kissing Togawa back even though he still can’t process it. Togawa’s declaration, “I’ve been trying to seduce you, with everything I have,” is the cherry on top.

There's another bit of subtle physical communication here that I find interesting, and I think you might too, @wen-kexing-apologist. Just recently I've been thinking about the meaning, in kissing scenes, of what for lack of a better term I'll call the head-bonk. By this I mean the thing where one person puts their forehead against the other person's, often with at least a tiny bit of an impact that renders it a bonk rather than, like, just touching them together. Togawa kisses Nozue once, then a second time, and then goes in for a third that Nozue avoids by sinking toward the floor. The third kiss doesn't happen, but when Togawa starts to initiate it he does an absolutely sublime head-bonk. I'm still figuring out what I think about the head-bonk thing. All I know is that, from my vantage point, that little move on Kimura's part practically screams "I've been holding this back for five goddamn years and I can't wait one more second to kiss this person."

Runners-up and honorable mentions:

Semantic Error:

Their first kiss in the restaurant after Jae Young calls Sang Woo "hyung" - I have watched this so much that if I had been asked for my top 6 this would have been #6.

Jae Young demonstrating the features of the "free trial"

Minato’s Laundromat (season 1, of course):

Shin freaking out about Minato being alone with Hanabusa

The washing machine kabedon

The “smelling the sheets” scene

Kiseki (I just watched this for the first time a week or so ago and I have already done so much scene-rewatching it's ridiculous):

That incredibly angsty sex scene with Ai Di and a drunk Chen Yi, you know the one

Chen Yi's confession to a physically restrained Ai Di

The scene at Ai Di's bar where Chen Yi puts him in a double kabedon

Ai Di and Chen Yi's conversation after Ai Di gets out of prison, where he says he fucked Chen Yi "just for fun" and offers to let him do stuff to him as "revenge"

Ai Di trying to scare Chen Yi by stroking his chest and asking him if he wants to "play" and then getting weirded out when Chen Yi asks, "What if I say yes?"

Jheruei and Zongyi's first real kiss and subsequent A+ lap-sitting moment

And as a bonus, here's my most-rewatched non-QL moment:

There's a scene I'm obsessed with in Something in the Rain where Jun Hui comes to Jin A's home and sees her ex-boyfriend there with her and her parents, lobbying to get back together and manhandling her, and he reacts exactly the way you'd expect as someone to who's in love with Jin A. It is tattooed on my brain. If I ever learn to make gifs I am gif'ing the fuck out of that scene.

[billkaulitzwife]

The Outsiders Relationship Needs

Ponyboy / Physical and Verbal Romance / Physical Touch

Pony is definitely a man of praise

Darry putting all the pressure on him to get good grades

he def needs a few hugs and assurance.

No emotional because all that shi doesnt happen in my dr so shut up.

He loves hugs and kisses

snuggles

nose boops

head butts

anything.

He loves being touched in someway.

Like laying together listening to Elvis and The Beatles

he loves hearing your heart beat when he's laying on you.

He loves holding hands and running in fields together.

Pony is such a stinker tho

"Give me your hand, Y/N."

"Not right now, hun. They're sweaty."

-grabs your hand while you're distracted-

Pony seriously is the type of guy to like ...

idk how to describe it, but

if you told him "I love you so much."

and played with his hair

he would melt.

Johnny / Emotional & Verbal Romance / Words of Affirmation

"Ah man, I'm doin' horrible."

"No, Johnnycakes, you're doin' amazin'."

He would start crying.

If you wiped Johnny's tears and comforted him he would be a popsicle on july 4th.

Johnny is definitely the guy to ask someone why they're cryin and they wldnt answer and he'd be reminded of his childhood and immediately go to you.

"Johnny, baby, what's wrong?"

and he would just cry.

The moment he noticed you were fine with him crying and gettin upset at random times was the moment he started falling.

He's a sweet boy, but had too much put on him.

Johnny once told you (when he was black out tired) that he wanted kids so he could give them the childhood he never had.

He still smells like orange peels.

If you play with Johnny's hair while holding him close, he would calm down and melt in your arms.

If you washed his hair for him and told him he was so brave for trusting you, he'd smile wide and his face would slowly light up.

Let him vent to you and Dallas and Addie will immediately trust you.

"Hey, Dally, look at them."

"Huh? Oh. Yeah they ain't hurtin' him."

play Beautiful Boy and he will start crying.

Dally / Emotional, Verbal, and Sexual Romance / Words of Affirmation

Dallas is the kinda guy to go to you for some random reason.

Holding out his St. Christopher: "Hey, doll, look. I fixed it."

"Oh, good job, Dal!"

His expression would soften and he'd immediately pick you up in a hug.

Let him talk to you about New York or his father and let him cry into you.

From that moment on

he is all yours.

He once cried into Sodapop one night

all because he was under too much pressure,

and nobody ever said anything about it.

No one talks about anyone's problems to anyone, especially Dally's or Johnny's.

Dallas would sexualise himself to let out all that grief from childhood.

And the moment you told him

he doesn't need to be sexual to be respected or to be validated

was the moment he handed over his St. Christopher.

He feels he has to sexualise himself

just because he needs that validation.

But he soon figured out it comes in different forms.

"Dallas Tucker. You are so brave and you deserve to be loved, not whatever it is you're doing."

"...what are you doin' to me, man.."

as a single tear runs down his cheek

Sodapop / Physical Romance / Gifts and Quality Time

"Y/N, can we cuddle and watch a movie?"

"Of course! But first I got you something!"

He perks up like a puppy and his eyes always go wide in realisation.

Sodapop loves presents

when Christmas comes along, there is always presents for everyone that say

"to: johnny/darry; From Soda!!", "to: addie and dallas; From poppy<3", "too: steve /two-bit; frum: papi soda", "to: ponyboy michael curtis; from addie and sodapop<3"

always.

from.

soda.

he buys you the cutest things like

bouquets and stuffed animals

but he once bought ponyboy a stick of butter cuz he got his hand stuck in a jar once.

he loves holidays spent with the gang.

christmas huddled at the curtis's, halloween trick-or-treating, valentine's day with stevie, easter egg hunts (when yall were tiny), etc.

He'd so cry when you had to work and he wanted to hang out.

Sodapop loved spending time with addie and pony when they were little, but they grew up too fast, so he spends time with you because you're what he loves most

THIRD NEXT TO STEVE.

Two-Bit / Sexual & Emotional Romance / Acts of Service

Keith doesn't understand the value he has in the group.

Nobody would laugh without him,

nobody would go to the movies without him, etc.

He doesn't understand self-worth so he finds that in sex.

i mean its his third year as a junior.

he once asked addie why she was so down one day

and she just cried.

they both just sat and talked like brother and sister

(cuz the curtis boys forgot she wasnt in the car to go to the movies).

He loves it when people take his feelings into consideration.

Like when he sees "to 2bit frum sodopap"

(sodas handwriting is shit)

he loves it.

Feeling valued and like he matters

makes him happy.

Two-Bit is probably the most puppiest of them all.

Like

once you have him in your grasp

tell eachother about your emotions

and your past...

AND HE IS

ON HIS DEATHBED

(no offense johnny)

ask for his jacket once in awhile and he'll hand it over, he loves being kind

sometimes he'll give change to homeless people on the street just because he feels like it.

he once gave you his whole wallet to prove his love for you.

Steve / Verbal Romance / Words of Affirmation and Quality Time

"Stevie, you know you're so much more than your weight or your muscles."

and hes over here snot crying in fetal position.

hes head over heels for you and if you watch a movie with him and tell him hes so pretty or sum

he'll give you the moon.

Soda rn: damn. someone took my bitch.

Steve is the typa guy to want to spend time with you but not want to ask to or sum

THEN HE GETS PISSED???

LIKE... YOU DIDNT ASK YOU SHLDNT BE UPSET

But you comfort him anyways and push him out of that

He's such a sucker for you

like kiss him after the rumble

and tell him he looks tuff with his tooth missing

Darry / Physical Romance / Words of Affirmation

Cuddles.

Darrell loves cuddles.

Lay on his chest and tell him he's pretty

please he'll do anything.

Darry is def a guy to like

get down in the dumps

but

when you come along

"Hey Handsome"

HE WILL SMILEEEE

just ask him abt his day

let him cry in your arms.

hed be so in love that when he proposes

its a candlelit area at the park

and there are roses lined up like a heart.

Addie / Emotional and Physical Romance / Words of Affirmation and Gifts

If anything happened to her you gotta tell her its not her fault.

Tell her that and she will cry even harder but in a good way.

She loves gifts.

Sodapop spoils her on her birthday every single year

means you gotta Step up yo game bitch.

Listen to her

get her something shes mentioned she wanted and she is

AHAHAHA GET TEARS FOR FEARSED.

but addie isnt much of a Touch Person.

she doesnt care for hugs unless she needs one shes ok with kisses and hates holding hands or being touched on her waist and neck.

but if you wanna show affection

ask bout her day and what not

shes a lot like darry mixed with soda.

ik what I said last night so this is my last post for awhile. ich liebe dich Leute.