#i'm just so unwell about all of them
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And that’s how Pop-Pop Wilhand adopted another (great-great-grand)child
#critical role#the legend of vox machina#critteredit#criticalroleedit#tlovmedit#*my gifs#*my critical role gifs#tlovm#tlovm spoilers#c1 spoilers#tlovm s2#pike trickfoot#grog strongjaw#i literally can't get over pike's TEETHSIES#they're so goddamn cute#i'm just so unwell about all of them#found family man
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She can never remember Doctor Baizhu's face, but Qiqi doesn't mind.
Her baba is so much more than just a face. To her, he is a warm hug, a gentle laugh, a source of endless kindness, and he smells like home.
#doodles#I just wanted to draw them but I didn't have the energy to embark on a full piece bc I'm using all my art energy on other projects#so doodles it is#I'm so very unwell about them#baizhu#qiqi#baizhu and qiqi#genshin impact#i'm all up in my feelings about them today leave me alone#i needed this serotonin#he can't pick her up ;-; but he can get down on the ground and hug her#my art
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truly what a guy
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#arthur malevolent#john doe#john malevolent#my art#ahfdgfghsdd i have so many important things to do but these two have overtaken all of my waking thoughts so i'm fucked to say the least#adgfd i just wanna talk about them with someone but no one i know has the energy for that 12h long infodump#straight up today was my first truly no work day in a few weeks and what did i do? spent half the day figuring out how i want to draw arthur#still not sure if this the direction i wanna take his design in but somehow along the process he ended up as like my ideal look on masc days#tbh i don't have the time to unpack whatever that says about me ywy#john's design is very much still a first draft but i can't think about it too much or i might just actually go insane#this podcast makes me unwell(affectionate)#the universe is so evil for not letting me just draw them all day long ywy#in an ideal world it would be no diploma no uni applications only malevolent#.....i'm gonna stop with the rambling now#so yeah go listen to malevolent
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What can I say? They're my favorite.
#twdg#twdg clouis#clouis#twdg clementine#twdg louis#sometimes they creep back into my mind and i'm like 'ah yes' like a crow admiring a pretty stone they found years ago and kept#also thank you pi for the screenshots. i used to have a whole folder full of them but that was when i was doing themed nights#the source for these is me i just have a random document full of dynamics and ship things i enjoy because.....i dunno i like keeping track#and so many of them apply to clouis but there's also an overlap of with clouis and rose/alistair [my warden from origins and alistair] like#alistair's romance route is like an evolved matured and extended version of clouis sksksks gee i wonder if i have a type#look you present me with a character who deflects with humor and isn't taken seriously by the rest of the group and the longer you know the#the more you realize how high they've built a wall around themselves and how *unwell* they really are and how they're not as sunshine#as they present themselves and also they avoid leadership and responsibility until they grow closer with someone who pushes them#and they end stronger and more balanced as a person while finding the affection they've craved#and also there's the daddy issues#present me with that character as a romantic option and i'm in no questions asked okay i don't want the mean broody one that's meh to me#i want the one that has every reason to be broody but chooses not to be because they have a completely different defense mechanism#and a warped sense of themselves and self-esteem issues they leave unaddressed until forced to face them#i'm just saying i'm aware that i have a type i'm always going to gravitate toward clouis nearly checks all the boxes#also the lack of clouis these days? my crops are thirsty and i have too many ongoing projects to do anything about it other than this sksks#so until i make time to finish my long ass louis/clouis analysis this is the best i can provide for now
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jealousy really is the driving force of DamiTim as a ship. love that for them. love how Tim has the Robin mantle ripped away from him and he has to suffer the jealousy of watching Dick and Damian bond. how possessive over Dick Tim can be, to have him stolen by Dick.
even more so though, is the jealousy from Damian. how on earth do you cope when you finally get to be Robin, a role you've convinced is your birthright, and no one really likes you? every prefers the Robin who came before you? Dick regularly reminds you that he can always go and call Tim back when you act out? like the complex Damian has over Tim is unreal. Tim, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had everything handed to him his whole life. he never had to struggle or fight for his place like Damian did. Damian has spent his whole life fighting and proving himself, and yet he can't ever seem to truly claw the mantle of Robin away from Tim. even when Tim lets it go, becomes Red Robin, they seem to share it. Tim can slip back into the role of Robin whenever someone like Dick or Bruce need him to, because *he's* the Robin who they need. he's the Robin who was able to find Bruce. he's the Robin that Ra's wants an heir out of. he's the Robin who even Jason respects. in Damian's eyes, everything Damian has fought tooth and nail for, was handed to Tim.
so of course he's going to react to Tim with violence and aggression, especially after finding out Tim has contingency plans for him. no matter how much Damian proves himself, he's never going to be enough, especially not to Tim. and so his deep refusal to see Tim as family, to acknowledge Tim's legacy is all driven by such an angry jealousy. Tim understands aspects of Bruce's legacy that Damian doesn't, like the need to sweet talk and play nice with the elites of Gotham, even if they're corrupt. they exemplify different aspects of Robin, and the aspects that Tim exemplifies are the aspects that Damian knows he'll never fully understand and therefore holds such a deep contempt for. he wants to fight criminals, not play nice with politicians. Tim understands the side of Gotham that's utterly foreign to Damian. if anything, he represents that side of Gotham, to Damian. a pretty little rich boy who's nothing but a know-it-all and not a real son of Bruce. he can't be a Wayne. he can't be Damian's family.
and all of that angry jealousy leading to unhealthy obsession turned a weird, angry crush from Damian is just my bread and butter. that is how DamiTim should be. to me. Damian obsessed over hating Tim Drake so much he accidentally ends up sort of in love with him and that only makes Damian angrier. because he can't prove everyone right by *also* liking Tim. he can't let Ra's win like that, because frankly why wouldn't Ra's be delighted by Damian and Tim getting together. and it builds and builds with angry passive aggression towards Tim that culminates in angry hate-fucking-that's-not-just-driven-by-hate. love and hate are always viewed as opposites in shipping and i think they're the same intense passion just in different directions. and for the best ships, they're very intertwined. what is DamiTim is not the peak of that. "i put so much of myself into hating you i had no choice but to fall in love with you somewhere along the way" core. love that bleeds into hate and hate that bleeds into love. "you make me so angry i regularly passively try to kill you but not with any real effort because who would i obsess over if you were actually gone" core. murder attempts as a form of courting. contingency plans to take each other out as a love language. they're unwell.
#necrotic festerings#damitim#timdami#tim drake x damian wayne#damian wayne x tim drake#also possibly a hint of dicktim at the beginning there#i have yelled at my partner about them nonstop#so i had to put the thoughts into a tumblr post to give them peace.#i clearly favor tim in my ships we don't need to talk about it#tim drake is so weird he makes everyone else weird about him by proxy.#like sir contain that aura it's making everyone mentally ill.#i'm not a hamilton girlie at all which is why it makes me so mad Wait For It is SUCH good song for damian#like that song just IS his complex over tim#whether canon or shipping#this pulls from a variety of canon btw#like yeah mostly pre-flashpoint#but i do think the fact that in current comics canon tim keeps defaulting back to being robin#must make damian SO mentally unwell#like oh that does not help your jealousy complex does it.#and the thoughts of tim understanding the elite in ways damian doesn't are inspired by the boy wonder (2024)#which GOD is the first modern comic to fucking understand how tim and damian actually feel about each other#in a way that isn't either cartoonishly evil or makes them make up too easily#ugh. juni ba your mind.#anyway the complex damian has over tim. is fucking wild.#bc like everyone uses it to woobify poor tim for being attacked by big mean damian#which first of all stop taking panels out of context#second of all#dude no WONDER damian has a complex. i'd hate tim's ass too!!!#when i was reading batman & robin (2009) and dick casually says he can still call tim when damian acts out#what kind of threat IS that dick. sir.
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gollum is a little freak but I genuinely get so upset thinking about him because we know that was still a lil freaky even before he and deagól found the ring but he very well would've had the opportunity to have a good live and BE good if they hadn't. and no matter what happened afterward, he couldn't go back home. even if he confessed to his crime he very likely would've still been kicked out of his community, or at the very least socially shunned to the point where he might as well just leave anyway. the ring would've consumed him no matter what, and for no fault of his own (or at the least, no faults that would ever warrant some cosmic punishment amounting to what the ring Did to him). by the time Bilbo found him he was far, FAR past the normal lifespan of a Hobbit. After the Ring was destroyed Bilbo began deteriorating at 130, and he had only beaten the current record for the longest Hobbit lifespan by a single year. Gollum was at LEAST 3x older than that. Very likely more. No matter what happened—even if Sam was a little kinder, Faramir was a little gentler, or Frodo was able to fully reach "Smeagól" in the way he so desperately wanted to, even if he helped destroy the Ring himself, or he didn't fall into the fire—Gollum would've died with the Ring. Even if the Quest FAILED and Gollum successfully claimed the Ring like he wanted, he STILL would've died (because Sauron would have never let him hold on to that thing for hundreds of years again, if his body could've even handled that). There is no reality where Smeagól would have a happy ending, whether he was "redeemed" or not. Yet all of it was such a fundemental factor in the success of the Quest (and even Bilbo's success during the Quest of Erebor). Definition of Doomed by the narrative
#I'm so fucked up about this#gollum is one of the most tragic characters in the entire legendarium#I would argue even MORE so than Frodo#by all accounts he was a (mostly) average hobbit with the prospect of a good life ruined by incomprehensible evil out of his control#his fate was sealed the moment he found the ring and there was next to nothing he could do about it#at least frodo had his family and friends and their wisdom and support and the opportunity to heal in the undying lands#although bittersweet frodo ultimately had a good ending#but smeagól died believing he had no friends or anyone who even saw him as a person#doomed to be forever remembered as the wretch who bit off frodo's finger and destroyed with the ring that destroyed him first#I'm unwell#(also Gollum did NOT actually eat any babies. those were just rumors spread by the Woodmen. like a boogyman story)#(there's no more truth behind them than the rumors in the Shire about Frodo's parents trying to kill eachother)#Gollum was freaky but he wasn't THAT bad#my post#text post#lotr#lord of the rings#the hobbit#smeagól#gollum
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my heart is so full today with watching the livestream and then seeing their live show almost right after. they're just so so amazing. they're phenomenal at what they do and they're such good people and they have such a great connection as a group. I just want all the good things in the world for them.
#it feels redundant to say here because ik we all love them but I'm so unwell about them and needed to speak some words#also gosh they're beautiful. I've spent 6 months obsessed with them and have seen them live before and still WOW.#being in their presence and their energy is just incredible#not gonna recover for a long time I fear#they make living in London worth it#shoot from the hip#sfth rambles#own post
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"the cat came back"
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h. p. lovecraft x fem! natsume's daughter! reader
lovecraft is canon afraid of cats! now you know >:)
warnings: uncontrollable fluff ; that was a joke idk how to fluff ; made him ooc af womp womp ; i want to eat lovecraft ; just a little nom nom is that too much to ask; tentacle hentai (reader eats his hair) ; fishing boats (derogatory) ; intended lowercase
moonlight was his favourite time of the day.
his eyes peeked out from the rippling surface of the water, hair floating and spanning out like branches of a tree. he was sleeping a short while ago, until...
"shh!! it's the middle of the night, someone's gonna yell at us for doing this!"
disinterested eyes glanced at a boat. a fishing boat. he shuddered; it appeared like two adults were sitting down on it, giggling mischievously at each other while the motor grumbled loudly, scaring away the sea life from the secluded corner along the coast.
"bah, it's not a big deal," the other person responded, sporting a confident smirk. "we're out in the middle of nowhere. who are we going to disturb, the little mermaid?"
another round of giggles. the couple bickered about something else, something he didn't care to remember, then ate each other. lovecraft watched curiously as their lips met, then sighed. he wanted to sleep.
he reached a tentacle from under the surface of the water and capsized the boat.
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another week, another goddamn boat. he just wanted to sleep: ever since the guild had fallen apart, he didn't have to do anything, and he enjoyed it very much. he'd occasionally leave the comfort of the sea for some ice cream, but the looks he'd get while out in public made him anxious, so he'd stopped doing that a long time ago.
"I heard the spooky sea beast lives around here..." a voice said lowly, holding a flashlight out to the murky waters. "some say it's the kraken, others that it's the soul of the deceased..."
he didn't like to be disturbed. lovecraft flipped them over.
the next night, it happened again.
by the end of the month, it seemed he had become a local folklore story. he wasn't particularly interested in hearing all the stories about himself, and what was worse is that he found himself at the center of attention. gross.
he would keep flipping boats until they would leave him alone.
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"[_____], come on, get in the boat! you're such a scaredy cat!"
"yeah, I am!" the woman yelling from the shore exclaimed. she was watching a few of her friends get into a wooden tub of death and paddle in the direction of a sea creature that had been terrorizing their city. it wasn't a myth, as everyone who doubted would go and find themselves thrown into the water promptly. the question was mostly as to what on earth was doing this. "you know I hate getting wet, and I don't want to get eaten by a sea beast today, thank you very much!"
the friends pouted, pleaded for her to come along, and the only agreement they came to involved the woman following them from land. she watched them as her boots squelched into the damp earth in the same direction as their path, and they spoke from a far distance.
which woke up lovecraft.
he grumbled, displeased. this was never fun, and it was getting even worse now. the top of his head peeped out from the water as he got a look at the young adults laughing and joking from their fishing boat, and he flipped them with one movement.
they all yelled out as they splashed into the water, arms desperately gripping onto the upside-down boat as they looked around fearfully, then at each other with chuckles.
"told ya it was real!"
"gahh, my shirt is soaked!"
"dude, your entire body is soaked."
it was all a game to them, he seemed to notice. they thought this little escapade and mission of disturbing him was all for fun. he didn't have time to feel annoyed about it, because it was time to sleep. on the verge or disappearing back into the abyss, he felt a pebble bounce on the back of his head.
he turned his head around, his neck contorting as he saw a young woman looking at him, eyes wide.
they stared at each other for a few moments.
she let out a yelp, and her entire body compressed down to that of a calico cat.
he saw the cat and yelled out in response, tentacles sprouting, bursting out from various parts of his body.
the cat ran away and nothing was said. the group of friends were still laughing as they had gotten back into the boat and began paddling to shore, not seeing the iceberg underneath their feet that was the body of a real sea monster.
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the next day, lovecraft was out of the water, in the middle of the day nonetheless, simply to dry up a little bit before he went back into the water. somehow, this logic added up to him.
all was fine until he saw the woman again.
she was leaning against a rock, not quite sitting but not quite standing. she looked nervous, glancing around her everywhere as if she was expecting to get attacked at any moment. her eyes darted to the water, where she saw nothing, then back to her surrounding. back to the water. back the the surroundings. her foot was tapping the soil incessantly and her lower lip was being abused by her teeth as she nibbled to distract herself.
this time, she saw him.
they looked at each other again, but it was much more tamed than the previous time. she didn't turn into a cat, and he didn't turn into a natural catastrophe.
her mouth seemed to open, but lovecraft didn't hear any words from out of her. she just creased her brows together, then sighed. "um... hi, hello. I'm... I'm [_____]. you're howard phillips lovecraft, aren't you?"
he hovered at the surface with only his dark eyes and long hair visible, maintaining blank stare.
she extended her hand out to him, then realized it was stupid to shake hands with someone who was several meters away, several meters deep into the water. laughing nervously, she rubbed the back of her neck.
"I didn't... I didn't mean to scare you the other day, you just caught me off guard. you see, I'm in the business of keeping track of the ability users in yokohoma, and you never came up on my radar. so I asked around," and here she kicked a rock with a chuckle to herself, "actually, I just asked my dad, and he told me about the guild."
still no reaction. lovecraft had fallen asleep with his eyes open.
she crouched down, grabbed a pebble, and flicked it onto his forehead. heavy eyelids raised for a moment.
"would you be willing to uh... get out of the water to speak with me, for just a moment? I can... well, I don't really know what to offer you."
she babbled on, face flushed and looking at the ground and her feet as she kept speaking, saying things that neither of them understood, and it was only when he got close that she took notice the tall, dripping wet figure looming over her. he was wearing clothes and everything, even had was appeared to have been a nice jacket in the past before... whatever tore it apart. she met his eyes.
"thank you! it just makes this... whatever... easier... ahh, forget about it. could we... walk and talk? I don't want to lure you away from your... your home?..."
"I'm hungry," he proclaims, a statement more than a request.
"sure!" she nodded, although a little confused and uncertain, leading the way as she walks through the rugged terrain of the trail before arriving at her car and opening the passenger door for him, waiting for him to hop inside.
now, he looked confused.
"is there food inside?"
this was going to be a long discussion.
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[_____]'s job was simple: she had to keep tabs on all of the ability users in yokohoma. know who they worked for, their relationships, their dreams and aspirations. when you can turn into a cuddly ball of fur, it isn't particularly hard to gain information.
she had no clue what was going on with this man, though.
rumours had sprung up about the sea monster. she knew, of course, there was no such thing, but in the spirit of the approaching holiday she indulged her friends in a trip.
seeing a man living in the water was not what she had expected, much less to surprise herself by getting flustered enough to accidentally use her ability and turn into a cat. it was just her luck that cats seemed to terrify the man.
speaking was hard too, since he didn't really seem to know much about the ways of the world. she knew he was from america, but common courtesy of not trying to eat someone's car for dinner was likely the same there as it was in japan. likely.
it was cute how ice cream was the secret to taming him.
"lovecraft," she snapped her fingers in his face as he zoned out for what could be the seventh time in the same sentence, "look, I don't mean to take your entire day. I was just hoping you could lay low on the boat flipping for the time being."
"I am laying low," he stated blankly, a smudge of chocolate cream smeared across the corner of his lip, like a child. she chuckled warmly and pointed it out to him, but he just shrugged and kept licking the frozen treat. "the boats keep coming."
"because you've become a horror attraction," she retorted. something deep within her caused her to run her thumb along the edge of his lip to clean him up, partly because she knew he wouldn't do it himself, partly because she thought she'd go mad over the messiness. "leave the boats alone and they'll leave you alone. it's as simple as that."
he wasn't paying attention again. he'd gotten tired of licking and dislocated his jaw just to swallow the entire cone in one bite. the paper wrapper and napkin around it were still not removed, too, but he didn't seem to care as he pushed his jaw back into place and kept walking by her side, as if it were nothing.
she decided it was easier to not comment.
they made their way back to the vehicle, and she dropped him back off at his corner of the water, verifying multiple times that he didn't want help looking for a place to live. a slight pause and hesitation; she wanted to give him her phone number in the event he needed something, but she quickly realized he probably doesn't even have a phone, let alone one he uses.
another ability user to add to her list. what a bunch of weirdos.
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boats kept coming.
this time, they were getting louder, more intrusive. some people brought diving gear and headlights, eager to explore the water for the sea beat. lovecraft was not pleased.
it was hard at first to take the advice of the strange woman. then, when they put on loud speakers and played blaring music during their expeditions, it became impossible to ignore them. a blizzard of tentacles and otherworldly monstrous body parts ravaged every boat on the lake.
[_____] showed up a dozen minutes later, not pleased.
no one was injured, but news reporters had gathered and were making a bug fuss out of it all. they dispersed after some time, and she was the only one left. she tossed pebbles into the water, hoping for him to resurface for them to talk.
"I specifically told you to do one thing," she grumbled, glaring into his sleepy eyes that peeked up. "now the whole town knows there's something going on here."
he briefly racked his brain for past interactions with his former partner, steinbeck, and realized this was the sort of situation where he was supposed to apologize. she looked at him with distrust when he did (quite blandly), but ultimately sighed and shook her head, saying it wasn't a problem.
"maybe you just need to get out of here," she proposed. "if you're not in the water when the tourists arrive, you won't have to endure all of it. do you have someplace else to go in the meantime?"
a shake of his head signaled he didn't, but also that he didn't seem to care. of course he wasn't picky about where he lived, he was currently residing in what amounted to a swamp.
"would you like to stay with me until this whole thing goes away?"
lovecraft shrugged, "okay," as if it weren't a big deal for either of them. she scolded herself for being baffled at his nonchalant reaction, which was to be expected.
she insisted he dry himself up this time before getting in her car, though.
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lovecraft made himself at home by eating just about everything she had in her pantry, then trying to eat the pantry.
a smack on the back of his neck with a rolled up newspaper, and he was set straight. she indicated that he could sleep on the couch for the time being, just as long as he double-checked with her that it was okay before eating anything, emphasis on thing.
"I'm not around most of the time," she told him as she put on a coat while near the entrance, eyes darting around to make sure she wasn't leaving any valuable around in the event that they magically disappear upon her return. "so, the place is yours. are you sure you don't have anyone you want to stay with? I was told you had a partner when you were in the guild, a young lad named steinbeck. I can track him and the remnants of the guild down, if you'd like."
"no."
not a trace of anger, disgust, or even any emotion from his response. he simply wanted to be left alone, she realized.
her expression softened and she put the coat back down, walking up to him.
"how about this, would you want to go get some ice cream again? I can pay, of course."
money didn't seem to cross his radar, so the final comment went through his head. she wanted to understand him, as was the task her father had delegated onto her to know all ability users, but it was proving a lot harder than she'd thought.
that's how she found herself, a disgusted look on her face as she watched lovecraft jump into a small pond near the ice cream shop, the treat still in his hand. the ball of frozen cream floated on the surface of the murky water, and he opened his mouth to eat it like a koi fish.
"there's... there's so much wrong with what you're doing right now," she frowned, watching him happily ruin the clothes she'd just bought for him by swimming around in them. again. "howard, you're going to have to take it easy on my wallet, I don't have an infinite supply of clothes to get you."
he vanished under the surface and did not come back up for an entire minute.
she couldn't handle water - she retained quite a bit of feline features even in human form, after all - and there was no way in hell she was going to jump in to save him if he were drowning. he wasn't drowning, of course, he'd just made his way along the floor and chomped down on unsuspecting sea-dwellers. since she'd said she can't pay for everything, this was free. at least, he thinks it is.
when he came back up, she sighed with a tired smile on her face, leading him back to the apartment.
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"how does your hair never get tangled?"
she was watching him curiously as he spread his lanky limbs across the sofa, bones breaking and body distorting to make it more comfortable for him. he didn't seem to hear her question until fingers raked through silky locks.
"why would it?" he raised a brow, eyelids still shut. after a few weeks, he'd gotten better at conversation, but the horror fanatics were still invading his little corner of the sea. besides, he liked it better here.
"oh right, I forgot that you don't have the problems the rest of us mortals have," she said jokingly, but realized she wasn't even sure if it was a joke. she started having doubts that he had an ability and wasn't really just a sea monster after all. fingers combed through obsidian streaks. "ahhh... it's so soft..."
she stood up in front of him, and made her entire body visible. "I'm going to turn into a cat, now."
they agreed to make it clear to the other before doing anything that scared the other, and that involved using their abilities. she liked being a cat, most of the time, as it was more pleasant to nap and lounge around in that form. however, it still caught him by surprise, and he nearly shattered the entire apartment once when he went into the kitchen for some food and caught her sleeping in a bread basket.
grey eyes watched the calico cat pounce up from the floor onto the sofa, hobble along the edge of his body until it twirled around itself and slept in the waves of hair.
he was already asleep by then, so he didn't mind when little cat teeth nibbled on the strands. they tasted like sea water, to no one's shock. paws stretched out with a yawn, then went back to snuggling themselves under the warm body of fur.
maybe this arrangement wasn't so bad.
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he was getting much better as weeks turned into months. the craze over the yokohoma sea monster died down, but he found himself attached to someone for the first time in his existence. he didn't know how to describe the feeling other than warmth and that of a full stomach.
giggles exhaled in clouds of fog as she walked on the empty streets at night with him by her side. she was cold, and so was he; the only difference is that she felt it whereas he simply didn't care.
"can we go home..." he grumbled, albeit glad for the absence of people in the vicinity. they made him uncomfortable, all except for her. he didn't know why his lips were tugging upwards as she took his hand in hers.
"you're freezing," she remarked against icy flesh. "I'm sure there's a café or something nearby, if you want to warm up before headi-"
his other arm wrapped itself around her waist and pulled her against his frame, face buried deep enough in his chest to cause her to suffocate. her feet were kicked upwards behind her, body no longer touching the ground as he carried her entire weight with his one arm.
"you're cold too. this will help."
"MFMFMFMNMNMF!!"
he took her muffled cries for confirmation that he did the right thing, and walked them home in just about the most awkward position possible. she managed to crane her neck to the side, gasping for breaths, but just laughed to herself at his peculiarities.
he was right, it did help.
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she remained curled up against him even as they got inside, slipped under blankets and were laying on the couch. not that she had a choice; he didn't seem keen on letting go anytime soon.
"my limbs don't bend like yours do. could I..." she squirmed, grateful that he seemed to get the message and loosened his hold on her. she repositioned herself then curled back up into him, rubbing her head in slow circles against his chest from feline instinct. she muttered a thanks into his slowly warming shirt.
everything felt so uncomplicated in his presence. even as a horror movie played in the background, she nearly fell asleep on him, and he had long gone into the realm of dreams. they were both snoring softly when a dramatic scream emanated from the television, jolting him awake.
her eyes were still closed, and he just took a look at her face for a few moments before having what was more of an urge than an idea.
he ate her mouth.
this sprung her wide awake as she pulled away from shock once she'd realized he was biting her lips.
"what are you doing?!" she shrieked, hands pushing on his chest to lift herself up and off of him. "you can't just... what... why would you... ?!!!"
he looked at her with a dull expression, a sliver of confusion revealing itself on his long features. "I saw... I saw people do this when they're content. I-"
"oh my god," she let out a breath of relief as she understood that his actions didn't align with his intentions, even chuckling softly as she let herself fall back onto him, body now completely on top of his. her face was hovering on top of him, and she kept a gentle smile. "people do that when they're in love, howard. it's called a kiss."
again, confusion and a grumble. "oh. what does that mean?"
she squinted, almost as if looking for the answer to his question in the backrooms of his irises. "I don't know how to explain it, but it's what people feel when they're really happy around each other."
"I feel like that," he stated blankly, watching as her face flushed in embarrassment.
"you can't just say that like it's nothing," she managed to croak out without combusting on the spot. "love is a very big thing. you have to mean it."
"why wouldn't I mean it?"
her lips parted as she tried to respond, then realized just how simple everything was with this man. lovecraft didn't care about the specifics, and maybe she shouldn't either. she exhaled through her mouth slowly, then brought her hands to his cheek.
"okay, fine. I'm going to kiss you now, alright? don't do anything like try to bite my flesh off, just... just let me kiss you. can we try that?" the words felt silly as they spilled out, but he nodded. if it didn't involve him doing anything, that was even better, he thought.
his eyes were open as lips met again. he took notice that hers were closed, but he couldn't quite understand why. it was nothing like what he'd tried earlier: she was soft and slow about it. he could feel her chest fall and rise in sync with the gentle breaths she let out. it was clear she wasn't sure about what she was doing, but after a few moments, she leaned in closer and he could taste her on his tongue. she rubbed her lips on his, and smirked once she felt him trying to reciprocate by copying her movements. fingers slid from his cheeks to his hair, and she pulled his face deeper into hers.
she let out a soft yelp as his tongue dipped further into her, now an addict of her taste. he tried to be careful, he really did, but his teeth bit down into her tongue a little harshly as he tried to get the hang of this. as soon as things got too messy, too fast, she slowly pulled away, his lower lip flicking back upwards as her own let it go. her eyes fluttered back open, and she found herself giggling as she saw that his were open the entire time. of course they were.
"that," she whispered with a smile, fingers stroking his hair and weaving through them at his scalp, "that is a kiss. how did that feel?"
his face literally melted and he became a gooey mess of tentacles and monstrous shapes as he felt his entire body explode internally.
watching his version of being flustered be to turn into his alternate form, she was tempted to giggle at how adorable his reaction was. however, she quickly found herself projected across the room as he accidentally threw her out of panic.
she chuckled, back slumped against the wall while sitting on the floor on the opposite end of the room, a hand on her head feeling for any bumps or cuts. "I take it that means you liked it."
.
.
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.
.
a hand around his hips, a hand holding a cup of hot chocolate.
a hand on her waist, a hand gripping five different ice cream cones all at once.
they sat on a bench in the dead of the night, which was really the only time she could get him out of the apartment. during the day, she would go out and work while he stayed home and slept. during the night, they would occasionally go out, then come home and sleep. it was quite the schedule.
she took a slow sip of her hot chocolate, head tilting to the side in order to rest on his shoulder. in order to not disturb her, he contorted his neck at an angle that would make anybody call on for a higher being's protection, and tossed all the cones into his mouth in one motion.
"want a sip?" she offered her drink, unfazed by anything he did anymore. "not the whole cup, just a taste."
his eyes met hers, and he shrugged yes. she smirked and kissed his lips, the chocolate flavour lingering even as she pulled away.
thankfully, as they were in public even though there was no one out at this unholy hour, he just blushed and did not morph into an enemy of the state and humanity. she liked it when he blushed; his sharp features softened and glistened under the moonlight. another kiss to the high of his cheekbones paired with fingertips sliding along his abdomen, and the red deepened.
"m'just messin' with you," murmured against his skin. "want to go home now?"
it was a stupid question: he always wanted to go home.
only, his home was no longer a place, but a person.
#shoutout to irl lovecraft's cat. WHAT A FUCKING MENACE OF A NAME THOUGH#your local aro tries to write about love challenge horribly failed#alternatively: how to love lovecraft without sounding like a monsterfucker challenge - level : impossible#help i'm writing all these hirotsu's daughter! natsume's daughter! fics#then im gonna pull up with the gramps smut later#big oof#i just wanna be inside their balls (interpret this as you will. slapping this with /j so i don't get cancelled)#lovecraft#lovecraft bsd#bsd lovecraft#h. p. lovecraft#lovecraft x reader#bsd lovecraft x reader#h. p. lovecraft x reader#bsd x reader#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungou stray dogs x reader#im unwell for them
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here have these panels from justice league (2018) #51-52 that are making me physically ill
#this two-shot arc somehow did more emotional damage than almost any run or longer arc i've ever read 🫡#needed to share these they're rotting my brain#i'm so unwell abt this#to do it you killed the person i loved the most // all of this is a prison where no one can get in and if they do you have to control them#GGGHHHHHH tearing my hair out#HIGHLY recommend reading this yourself#it's kinda an interlude (???) you don't need any background knowledge about the plot you can just read 51 + 52#batman
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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble
I will not be brief, all under the cut
To clear some things right off the bat:
No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.
Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality
The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.
This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.
Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:
Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.
All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.
Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).
And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.
At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.
I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.
Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.
This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.
It shifts something between them.
From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.
As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.
Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.
Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.
I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.
I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.
I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.
As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.
I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.
Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great
#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one#i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking#and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped#i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format#anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head#idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope#im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT#ieytd#john juniper#reginald crane#junicrane#starstruck#i expect you to die#<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that#the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH#also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two#make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL#GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga#thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry
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i think part of why i really like the idea of m/f mellonear is that i find it deeply charming to have objectively superhotguy mello be profoundly obsessed with and enchanted by offputting strangegirl near. to me it's ideal if she's not quite conventionally attractive but mello is absolutely not aware of this. because of his nature and near-focus goggles. imo it is also cute in the reverse but i just feel like there are already so many superhotgirl x offputting strangeguy ships [DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE THESE. i just don't think i need any More of them you know.]
#“how is it good it's just a guy who hates a girl for being smarter than him” just say you dont understand anything and never will#again i totally get why this is not everyone's cup of tea but. i am unwell about them so i'm subjecting you to my unwellness#that's what this site is all about baybee
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just randomly remembered that during my like 10+ attempts at the shadow yukiko fight i more or less consistently ran out of revival beads so yosuke was just dead (well unconscious but whatever) on the ground for like half the fight gfhfjvhfhfhd-
#puppy rambles#persona 4#p4#as much as i love him he's not always the most useful. that fight is one of those times-#still always keep him in the party though. perfect p4 team to me is yosuke teddie and naoto#i haven't gotten to naoto joining the party yet but i love her. trans icon. vibing naoto is the best thing to happen to the persona 4 fandom#and yosuke and teddie are my favorites of the investigation team thus far. the others are all very close but they're above the others#dunno why i like yosuke so much. souyo is def part of it#and teddie is very very silly. idk why people hate him so much like yea he can be kinda annoying but he's only existed for a few months#he doesn't understand social cues yet. he's just autistic leave him alone vhgbhmfhdf- /hj#i feel like a lot of persona characters have autism vibes but that's probably at least partially just me projecting#at the very least i'm sure we can all agree that aigis and marie do. autism arcana#that's. probably why they're my favorite girls ggyfubhngd-#aigis is easily my favorite persona character. she's cute and also silly :3 and bisexual i love the bisexual toaster and her doors <3#(aikoto + hamugis polycule for the win. makoto and kotone aren't dating obv. ryoji's also dating both of them separately#)#and marie is cute and also silly i'm totally dating her. love how persona technically lets you polyamory so long as you don't date everyone#i have to max her social link for the golden-exclusive content anyway so might as well#‚‚‚ this post got derailed. i like the part where i talked about my beloved persona 3 bisexual polycule#p4's def the best persona game i think but i love p3 very much too. makoto kotone aigis and ryoji are unsurprisingly my faves#really love yukari too. i spent several hours trying to figure out how to add mods to p3p so i could date her as kotone#it was not successful. i'll probably get it on steam when i inevitably play it gghdhchvhv-#and i'll get reload at somepoint too. probably on steam at least first so i can use the kotone mod i need my girlie#makoto is also great i love him. emo non-binary icon. but also silly girlboss. they're both so mentally unwell#that reminds me of a drawing i have in my drafts i should post that#oh also it's aikoto week apparently??? which is very poggers. idk the prompts but i need to draw my sillies regardless#i do slightly prefer hamugis but they're both very very cute to me. the toaster has two hands she can kiss both the doors-#idk why that joke's so funny to me. i should stop now-
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going crazy about kaz brekker hours
#HE'S JUST *screams into a pillow*#Inej wants him to be better she NEEDS him to be better and shed his armour and be emotionall vulnerable and honest to her#and every time he tries it life delivers a right hook into his solar plexus and knocks him to hell and back#and time and time again he is made to come to the incorrect conclusion that being vulnerable and soft and caring about anyone ever#is a mistake and a weakness that he isn't allowed that he doesn't deserve#and his only way of getting what he wants and keeping the people he loves safe is if he becomes something that can't love them#like life just continues to punish him for having any kind of feelings#and he can only love them if he kills the part of himself that loves them. like COME ON MAN#i'm literally unwell about this kid (KID HE'S FUCKING 17 LET HIM LIVE)#someone sedate me (well actually don't i need to start reading CK tonight)#Kaz I Am Ruin And Ruination Brekker#and it's so tragic because he has come such a long way during SoC and when Inej asks him to be hers you know he can't do it. he would like#to but he's unable of it like his walls are still built up so high.#and it's fair of her to ask because she needs that and keeping her always at arms length is not viable of Kaz but also that's all he can#currently give her. that's his all and it's not enough and my heart is breaking for them ohmygod#they make me think so much of felonies love square I'LL EAT GLASS#okay. anyway. finished six of crows. i'm normal about them.#mia's reading
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i'm never not thinking of sam & gabriel btw. i listen to music? i hear sabriel. i watch a movie? i see sabriel. i read a book? yep, sabriel. i try and experience things in real life? omg what if this was sabriel
#its sabriel all the way down babey#i'm so unwell about them#they are just such perfect little blorbos to me#like little polly pocket dolls that i chew up and spit out#and they squeak so nicely between my teeth#how could i /not/ let them consume me??
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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people
#slash extremely negative#it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long#with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less#'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that#and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess#(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends#flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway#but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke#and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone#but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive#(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour#and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll#and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while#how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least#it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway#what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least#because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad#so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever#goosepost
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is it midnight? yes. but i had to get this concept out there before it ate me alive. the swiftlis are rotting my brain fr!!!
#the way i actually looked at the 5e handbook for this#ANYWAY i've been annoying nyx about this literally all day today and this simply refuses to leave my brain!!! they're so!!!#listen to me LISTEN to me. link deserves the ability to kiss the ouchies away okay#link checking on taylor after a battle and giving him a little smooch to smooth over his injuries...#giving him kisses to help ease some of his chronic pains... even rlly mundane things like headaches... the possibilities are endless!#i'm just. i think that growing up link is a really touchy-feely kid and he loves doting on his friends and giving them lots of hugs#but the kisses i think he reserves just for taylor <3#i have the first part of this written already i'm very unwell abt them#also. yes paper rings is a swiftli song. to me 💗💗💗#dndads#swiftli#happi scribbles
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