#i'm just so stressed

[destinysquared]

HIII!

Just wanted to say that you're art is beautiful, have a nice day :D

Aww thank you!! I really appreciate that! esp cause I'm sadly going through some difficult stuff atm, lotta computer repairs and such. so it's nice to hear you like my work <333 ty!!

[thebisexualmandalorian]

I'm so tired. Today has been appointments, phone calls, and meltdowns. I managed finally to get someone on the phone about my disability application that I put in over a year ago, which is "under review" and that's all they can tell me. I drove an hour round trip for an appointment that was rescheduled (and no one called to tell me), so I have to go back Tuesday. I paid my bills, which left me with... not much. I'm just so godfuckingdamn tired. I ended up crying on the phone with two different social workers trying to get some damn answers. I've started not being able to keep food down which is always a bad sign.

I hate living like this. I hate being disabled. I hate not being able to have a normal job and a normal life and a normal amount of pain and a normal brain and live the life I should be able to. I don't want to do this anymore, I just don't. I don't see a way out, or freedom in my future.

[catless-and-covenless]

Well. I’m glad for open communication. But I am so exhausted by being the Curse of Mo-brn. It’s not fair…The side glances, subtle jabs, and subconscious grudges for just…talking to people. For just making sure people are safe. It’s not annoying or angering or anything. Especially since I don’t even know if it’s conscious. But I’m tired. I just want to be. It felt like every subtle glance and jab at someone spending time with me..especially when it’s not….I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t think.

But it wasn’t about me. And Ca…I need to hold grace for her. And I do. My heart broke seeing her. The way she flinched, the stuttering, the fear...mami isn’t as bad. So I wonder if it was more than just harsh breakup words. Mami is still recovering from just hiding a small part of herself. Cat…it seemed like she was recovering from a lot more. And she is dealing with grief. So I get it. It’s easier to...I get it. If Ca needs a scapegoat while she heals…then for a short amount of time I can be that. Not forever.

But until we can talk and I can maybe force her to air out the concerns. I can’t fight anything under the surface and I’m a coward too who runs if it’s passive aggressive. But all will come to a healing soon. She’s….she has my compassion. Even if I ahd hoped that maybe she would have been as close to me as Credence is. Maybe it can still happen? I missed having a girl around and I wanted it to be her who would be that friend.

And G.That whole thing must have hurt him so bad. And I was proud. That argument could have gone a lot worse. And it didn’t. He held his own and stood up for himself and I am so proud. Even when he’s standing and yelling…I get why Ca flinched but also he would never hurt any of us. Not unless he had no choice. I know it in my bones. Not on purpose. Hell he ran just seeing me a little in fear to make sure nothing happened. I am becoming so fond of him. I don’t want to ruin him but I want him in my life. But a part of me feels guilty. I feel safe and protected and…I can be a teenager. Just a teenager.

Not the perfect student with her head down. Not the perfect daughter to my papa or a little kid to my mami. Cr taught me to laugh again but G…it’s like learning to be a kid again? Almost human in a sense. And with my reputation it’s not going to help any rumors that he’s a delinquent. Or that he’s bad news. And I can’t stay away. Even if I tell myself not to text back or laugh or…I keep going back. I feel like like..nevermind. I just don’t want him to be the Curse of Mo-brn’s Security Dog. He’s more than that. He deserves to be seen for everything and I will ruin that

Guilty isn’t enough to cover how badly I feel knowing that anytime I care for someone I am socially their death. I don’t want to be more on his plate. I just want to be his normal the way he’s mine. But I don’t know if that means I’m using him. I don't want to mark him with my flirtation as a pariah. I don’t want to turn into R and take G for Ca when they both need each other as friends. I wish I could be as honest as I am truthful around him. But I don’t want to mar his normal with my affection.

And CR…I should have ran to Ca’s house as soon as I heard. My Cr…my sun. My light…his heart. I will do anything to get it back. R never knows when enough is enough. She forgets not everyone has her pov and her tolerance to pain. She’s going to break him. She’s going to break me. If she hurts him again..I don’t know what I can do. But anything is on the table. And Ca…the poor thing is so distraught. I only had a blanket to comfort as I put the poor thing in such a n uncomfortable position. I made her get into a car. I felt like a monster.

But she’s with Ir now. Ir, who I trust with our misfits as if they were me. Ir…so brave and wonderful and amazing. They just jumped without a thought. Gave me the time needed to bind the thing. So willing to go and talk to R. So ready to remind me that It’s not just me anymore. I almost forgot and was so emotional and It just reminded me while bleeding that they would also help. I never needed to ask. It’s strange. It’s easier to accept help like that. But Ir understand the Abyss the way I do. The magic the way I do. And despite not being human…understands my human conflict and emotions. I really wouldn’t be surprised if Ir has gathered at least an idea of how deep the affection I have for everyone runs and in what direction. Ir is the other side of what I do after all. The other side of the river. I think people forget that about our Ir. That out of everyone, they have the most experience and life. In another life I do wonder..If I had been born Celtic or a Druid would I have tried contacting them as my parton of sorts instead me favoring of Mayahuel, Xochiquetzal, or Ixchel.

But I have made my home into a fortress. That item is never going to be found. It’s untraceable. It’s hidden. And if anything happens to it I will actually lose the last marble I had.

But maybe that accounts for the visions…

But I have a potion now to prove it wasn’t a fluke. The Abyss was waiting so patiently for me all these years. And now that I finally have started embracing it it’s embracing me back. Maybe I should be as kind to the Abyss as I wish the town was to me. It’s not the Abyss’s fault that I was young. And I’m tired of not loving that part of myself. But this potion…Is definitely going ito a vial….I do wonder what it is like though. If just a drop would work something..or it would need to be the whole thig. The temptation to, just a dab, try it. Just to see what it is. I don’t know if it would work for what we need. I don’t want it to backfire. But I do wonder if…it might make it easier for me to love myself the way Cr loves me. Maybe make it easier for me to see the love around me? I don’t want it to accidentally become an obsession love magic though. Maybe…just the smallest dab. Maybe it will just lend me strength. Just the smallest touch and taste.

This is torture acually. But it might help with tonight's plan? Who’s to say….I need to put this vial away.

[linos-kitten]

i have no motivation at all to edit chapter two of unexpected love

i lied to myself when i said that i'll keep myself on the schedule of posting ☹️

[cittycatplay]

It's not over, there's still votes being counted. There's still a chance.

🫂

Thank you I'm not even American but being queer already makes me think that everyone irl wants me dead and tr-mp being able to affect other countries really makes me scared

I'm so scared I'll lose you all

[lazylittledragon]

domesticating your vampire: a memoir

(beautiful high res version on patre0n)

[sga-owns-my-soul]

reblog to give ur mutuals a soft lil kissy on the head

[wiisagi-maiingan]

I love tornado survival guides. "Shelter in a basement or interior room without any windows. But if you're in a mobile home, just fucking die I guess lol"

[causticflower]

can someone check on this man

[grey-viridian]

Rottmnt Possessed AU

So… It all started with this art of Ghost Leo that I drew quite some time ago.

And then I had an idea.

Do you remember how Gram-Gram died, did the Hamato glowy thing, turned into light and possessed April at the end of season 2?

Well-

What if?

I present to you The Disaster Twins who refused to be separated by such dumdum thing as death.

[t00thpasteface]

not done messing with their shapes yet actually

[swampybogg]

[shaniacsboogara]

liking dnd is so funny because yeah you play the actual game sometimes but mostly you just think about the game and watch other people play the game and slowly go insane thinking about how much you wish you could play the game and hoping that buying more shiny rocks will fix everything

[truth-for-lies]

I'm on birth control, we don't use condoms, and we are both quite comfortable with that.

I'm always scared that I may be pregnant despite my birth control and all other efforts to not get pregnant at the moment, but my last period was about a week later than expected.

It stressed me out but then it came so I was relieved.

It didn't last as long as it normally does, (only went on for about 5 days instead of my usual 7ish) so I was just glad it was over.

Flash forward to yesterday, less than a week since my last period ended, and I noticed I had commenced bleeding again.

I was more just annoyed than anything because I don't think it's fair I have my period in consecutive weeks, even though they may be shorter than my norm.

But it has been weighing heavily on my mind that maybe I am or was pregnant and this second period is actually some kind of miscarriage.

So I just started googling periods and possibly causes of bleeding that aren't actually your period, and rest assured, ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages were 2 bad ones.

I'm undecided if I should take a pregnancy test or just go see a doctor for advice.

I hate doctors and the last thing I want to do is see a GP, explain that this is abnormal, and for them to go "well it's only the first time this has happened so just monitor it and if your symptoms get worse, come back. If it doesn't happen again then you're fine!" because that's always how shit goes for me when I see a doctor.

No one understands my hatred for seeing doctors, why I feel so unseen and unheard by them.

They rush through the "exam", give you the simplest answer, and turn you away, maybe with a script for meds if they deem it necessary.

There's a sexual health clinic I could go see, but there's a gap payment I don't particularly want to pay, especially if it means requiring a follow up or something. But maybe I need to see them, especially if I do a self pregnancy test first because I shouldn't be pregnant.

[skullsemi]

Thanks to many thoughts, I ended up drawing again about that one concept idea of mine with baby Max and tired Goofy. Which it's about how difficult it was for Goofy at the beginning for a couple of reasons, and that Goofy only managed to occasionally take better care of himself with the help of his friends. Sure he's positive and optimistic in general, but I can't see he managing it all by himself alone.

[dollya-robinprotector]

That one event when PC sleeps in History class and wakes up with cum on their hand. It's not the only one, but, like......

No just let me delulu okay just LET ME THINK IT'S THE HIGH CONFIDENCE ROBIN and this is the premise we need for Somnophilia Ronin okay "no one seems to notice" BUT IF YOU LOOK TO YOUR SIDE HONAY MAYBE YOU LL SEE SOMEONE IS BLUSHING JUST LET ME DREAM PLEASE SOMNO ROBIN IS REAL AND I'M SO READY FOR IT.