#i'm here to write my brain is just telling me
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another long reblog cuz im crazy abt this story
omg, i LOVED this chap? and i loved all their dynamics?? the chapter was so intriguing. it's so good?? plot is plotting. mia you're so fucking talented to pull this off. my god, i love your writing so much. it's the perfect blend of angst, humor and fluff (and ofc smut). and the fact that you're writing this out of your comfort zone?? respect. srsly tho, i loved this chap!! im so ready for the next chapters hehe.
and ofc, fave parts below!!
it was privacy that was the real myth.
asdghjkl, well being in a camp with 13 men is .... interesting
when Soonyoung and Seungkwan sat right next to you, loudly comparing their dick sizes.
and not the underwear boxing lmaoo. guys...*sigh*
1.Hell no you didn't want him or anyone in this camp to realise just how (as Jihoon called it) thirsty you were.
"thirsty you were" 😭😭😭
You couldn't just walk up to such a man and tell him, “hey, you're hella hot and I'm hella attracted to you, I wish you would ravage me.”????
honestly, i would. (only for cheol tho 😌)
you liked to take Natalie on a walk to visit the man she had a big fat crush on.
AHHHHHHH, JUN LMAO. AND NATALIE ?!?! i miss natalie
Soonyoung was…….. A teenager stuck in a man’s body.
more true words have never been spoken
he was handsome, goofy, really good with his hands, really really good with his brain but the same didn’t extend to his mouth.
"the same didn't extend to his mouth" im hollering
For now, you were to focus on building your core strength and basic self defense, in case the camp is ever attacked…. Yes, cause that is less scary, way to make one feel better.
minghao needs social skills training cuz wtf man?
Hansol was well aware of your presence and chose to actively avoid you every time - if you remembered right, there were even instances when he had practically run away from you.
this is sofucking funny, lmao. they have never been in the vicinity of a woman
And consequently, you too naturally babied him and Chan too enjoyed it - the two of you were perfectly content with your dynamic.
i would do it too, for lee chan.
Maybe if it was someone else you'd be offended but seeing his childlike face and full cheeks, you were only mildly amused.
LMFAO i love how we're dragging soonyoung any chance given.
“I'm more of the ‘don't join the crowd, let it follow you’ kinds.”
i see, where you're going with this miss yn
“Okay Mr. Seung-I-am-the-son-of-Hera-and-marriage-is-the-way-of-life-Kwan” Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “Not every traditional relationship is healthy, and not everything unconventional is toxic.”
"marriage is the way of life kwan"😭😭 but soonyoung spitting facts here.
“Yes, except yours is both unconventional and toxic.” Seungkwan scoffed
lmaoo
Mingyu patted his shoulder, shooting you a wink. “Y/n has other plans with me today anyways.”
another fool with no communication skills. im calling my mom if someone says this to me
Looking up, you saw Jihoon staring at you with a small smirk, his expression all knowing.
lmao, i love smug and teasing jihoon
And you wanted to do Cheol.
so do all of us.
watching the shirtless man, doing sit ups in the middle of the living room
in the living room? he's just asking to be fucked atp
And there was you who was always desperately wishing for the smallest interaction with him.. What an idiot.
... tch, hits home. and choi seungcheol, wth.
You tried not to hyperfixate on the inappropriate labeling of Horang in the off chance that an annoyed Soonyoung threw you back out.
she's way too patient. im just gonna hit his head at this point. poor "horang," being misperceived all the time. #justicefor"horang"
“and you could moan my name, say how good I'm making you feel.”
this guy, *sigh*
“Fuck yes Soonyoung, that feels so good-” “Yeah, yeah I remember…..Oh no that was just…. our cow?…..Yes Daisy, she's just having a rough night…..”
LMAO, my stomach hurts
“Let me clarify. Yes I have used a dildo before-” “Oh god.” “- Although my girlfriend isn’t the biggest fan of it-” “This wasn’t my question.” “-I do occasionally enjoy it myself.” “I don’t think I should be a part of this conversation.” “But this dildo in particular, has never been used by either of us before.” “That!” You pointed out. “That’s all I needed to know.”
im so done with these idiots lmaooo. (and im genuinely intrigued)
“I haven’t even gotten to the story behind this.” He giggled. “This is my father’s.” “Aaaand I’m done here.”
😭😭😭 back to zero communication skills lmao
“This isn’t an ordinary dildo Y/n, no. This baby can take on the shape, size, dimensions and every single tiny detail” He gave a dramatic pause. “Of the person you are imagining while going at it.”
i need the amazon link (asking for a friend ofc)
Lord was Choi Seungcheol thick.
asdfghjkl ????
“No, no I don’t but why do I make you nervous?” Seungcheol smiled softly. “Do you really not know?” You suppressed the grin forming on your own face. Fucking finally. “No.” You shook your head feigning innocence. “Tell me.” “Can I show you?”
AHHHHHHHHHHH, OMG. IT'S HAPPENING, FIN-
“Y/n I’m sorry, I forgot that it’s late and we have training at 4 tomorrow.” He muttered, drawing his hands away. “You should sleep. I can’t excuse your lateness everyday.”
nevermind.
Camp Seventeen: Chapter 1
Pairing - Afab!reader x ot13 (Reader x Seungcheol, Reader x Soonyoung for this Ch)
Word count - 13K
Genre - Greek Demigod AU! We’ve got crack, smut (tags for the chapter are under the cut), fluff , angst, hurt, comfort, all of it in this series, buckle up!
Chapter summary - It's been a week since you stepped foot in Camp Seventeen - as you navigated the days trying to wrap your head around the 13 boys, one's touch and another's voice start to become a bit too bothersome....
A/n - And the series has finally kickstarted! Please read the prologue before this! Big thanks to @okiedokrie and @c-oupsie for helping beta read this, y'all are the sweetest <3
I do have a taglist so comment/DM/send an ask to be added! And if you enjoyed reading, please don't forget to leave feedback in the comments or tags - we've got lots of chapters to go and hearing thoughts really helps <3
Smut warnings - mutual masturbation, fingering, use of a very questionable dildo, is this considered cheating? Idk it's all blur here, jerking off, cum feeding, cum eating and I hope that's all?
“Fucking hell.”
You mumbled, waking up the same way you had been for the last one week - startled and nearly jumping off your bed.
While most people began their days to the ringing of alarm clocks (or roosters if they preferred the countryside), you regularly woke up to the sound of Seungcheol’s eagle screeching in your ear.
Turning your head, you glanced at Zephyr perched on the window before it gave you a short nod of acknowledgement and flew off into the darkness. Yes darkness, because unlike most people, your day also began at 4 fucking am in the morning.
Groaning and stretching, you sat up, holding back the large yawn that was threatening to pull you back to sleep. If Zephyr was here to wake you up, that meant you were late yet again and you hated that - you had done too many walks of shame to the training field and were in no mood to be conspicuously stared at by 13 boys as you stumbled over, carrying all your gear.
Knowing you didn’t have enough time to drop by the washroom, you popped a mint and sprayed some deodorant before quickly grabbing your things and running out into the darkness.
The sun was just starting to peek from between the mountains as the House Of Zeus became smaller and smaller behind you. Although you had a long list of concerns living with Seungcheol, an unbeatable advantage was how close his residence was to the training grounds. Still, you could somehow never manage to be punctual. By the time you reached, you were 15 minutes late and Seokmin had already begun the morning drills.
“Two laps around the field newbie.” He muttered as you walked past him, habituated to receiving the same punishment everyday.
While you begrudgingly jogged around the perimeter of the grounds, your mind wandered to everything and nothing that happened over the past few days.
Life at camp so far had been…. strange.
You would be lying if you said you were already accustomed to life here. You most certainly were not. And forget a week, not even a year could prepare you for what living in the wild was like.
To begin with, there was no electricity here. That’s right, no lights, no air conditioning, no Internet, nothing.
Member’s began their days at sunrise and ended it as sunset - after all nothing much could be done in the dim illuminance of the fire torches scattered all around the base. So of course for you, who functioned best from 1 to 3am, this archaic way of life was highly inconvenient.
The only place that had even a trace of something technologically advanced was the Great Hall - some of the more brainy boys had managed to set up a small circuit for kitchen appliances, laundry machines, a small charging station and that was about it. Rumor was that Wonwoo's residence had its own circuit too, but no one could really confirm that intel - it was as though none of them had ever ventured into the House of Hades.
And as though the lack of scientific inventions was not enough, showers…..were communal. Apparently it made more sense that water lines were directed to one common bath house rather than to each individual house. For them it was definitely more convenient to have the baths, jacuzzi and sauna all in one place, but for you that meant waiting everyday after training for the whole lot of them to be done washing up before you could do the same, with some privacy.
Oh and speaking of privacy, in the last week you spent here, you had come to realize that in this all-boys-greek-mythology world, it was privacy that was the real myth. Obviously after years of living together the boys were close but sometimes, they were perhaps a tad bit too close - like the time you had walked in on Mingyu and Seokmin boxing in just their underwear or when Soonyoung and Seungkwan sat right next to you, loudly comparing their dick sizes. You usually drew the line at phallic discussions.
The one place on camp that perhaps gave you some alone time and space away from the mess that the boys were, was the library. Considering you had shifted the last year of your University to an online study, you had a shit ton of assignments to complete and that was the only place you were able to get anything done at all. It was like the boys didn’t even know the study building existed - no one cared enough to go there so yeah, maybe occasionally, you also allowed yourself to let down your hair, sing in your horribly off pitch voice and dance to beats from your walkman. Outside those four walls it was impossible for you to feel even a little peace and quiet.
Surprisingly, not even the temple, which one would think would be a place of sanctity, was spared from the deviant actions of the boys. The altar was less a place of worship and more a place for bargains and exchange deals - it was the only way to connect to the gods, aka, the parents in Olympus.
You had come to learn that just like the human world, not all God parents loved their kids the same - some members were regularly showered with gifts and goods, others would not receive so much as a response. You found yourself falling in the second half. Your father never cared for you in the human world and apparently, neither did your mother.
Brushing off the thoughts of the woman you had thought was dead for the last 25 years, you wrapped up your punishment and joined the boys for morning exercises, ready to start yet another tiring day.
“All done!”
Joshua gave you a sweet smile as he stepped out of the bath house, rubbing the towel into his wet hair. Thanking him softly, you walked into the showers, stripped out of your clothes and turned on the hot water. The mud that Minghao had you rolling in today as part of combat training washed off as the heat worked to soothe your aching muscles. Lathering shampoo onto your scalp, you finally felt yourself relaxing, letting your favorite citrus smell take over your senses. Outside the bath house, you could hear Seungcheol raising his voice, instructing all the members to head for breakfast, loud footsteps following his words.
Choi Seungcheol….. Living with him so far had been frustrating.
When you first stepped into his residence, you told him that you’ve always lived alone so it might take you a while to adjust to living with someone and Seungcheol seemed to inwardly decide that giving you space was his life's purpose. After that, whenever you appeared before him, he politely greeted you and walked away. Whenever you stood as much as two feet near him he took a step back, like he didn't want to intrude on your personal space. Whenever you sat in his vicinity, he excused himself stating he'll give you some ‘me-time’.
You wish he knew how much you were in fact craving for the exact opposite - You wanted Choi Seungcheol. God you so badly wanted him.
It wasn't like you could just make a move on him because
1.Hell no you didn't want him or anyone in this camp to realise just how (as Jihoon called it) thirsty you were and
2. Seungcheol wasn’t just anybody, he was the leader. Members bowed to him when he walked by, even the companions, specially Patricia who listened to no one, obeyed him - anything and everything on this camp premises held him at the highest regard. You couldn't just walk up to such a man and tell him, “hey, you're hella hot and I'm hella attracted to you, I wish you would ravage me.”????
All you could hope was that Seungcheol somehow approached you on his own but that seemed questionable given the clear line he had drawn between the two of you.
The one person you wished would actually draw a line was the first one to always cross it - Yoon Jeonghan. You knew he and Seungcheol were the same age and that they were close but you didn't understand just how close they had to be for Athena's son to barge into the leaders residence whenever he wanted? Even at times you were changing your clothes or lying casually on the bed in your night dresses that barely covered anything.
The most infuriating part was Jeonghan did not ever apologize - he'd just laugh and walk away and you wanted to do nothing more than throw a shoe at him. For some reason he enjoyed getting on your nerves, he enjoyed making you angry and it wasn’t just you - in the last one week, it was evident that Jeonghan was a pain in everyone's ass but somehow they all adored him? You didn't get why they all seemed to love a man who always liked to pull their leg, never leaving any chance to fool them with his wit - you assumed they just preferred to be on his good side so all his harmless fun remained harmless.
Even Joshua, who was one of the sweetest people you knew, seemed to have a soft spot for Jeonghan.
When you asked him why he said before Jeonghan joined camp, Seungcheol was very uptight and ran the camp like a military barrack - it was the former’s pranks and carefree attitude that allowed members to be at ease. Though he was talking about Jeonghan, you knew what Joshua’s words truly reflected were his own good nature. He just seemed like the kind of guy who could do no wrong - like a pure, sweet soul. The days after you first arrived at camp it was Joshua who showed you around, guided you with everything and tried to make you feel at home. No one else really tried to get to know you as a person - they were all more interested about how and why you landed in their camp.
It also helped that Joshua was extremely pleasant on the eyes - at times when you didn’t want to feel overburdened by thoughts, you loved to sit next to him and watch him work on his little craft for the day or write that new novel of his. Yes he was good looking and yes when he smiled, you felt dazzled, but it was his sweet disposition that made you choose his company over the other members.
On the days he would go off to the city for some work, the next best place you found yourself was on Jun’s farm. Not that he was particularly nice to you or anything, Jun was…. quiet. He seemed to always do his thing, not bothering anyone, only speaking when required. When the evenings rolled around, you liked to take Natalie on a walk to visit the man she had a big fat crush on. Honestly though, who wouldn’t have a crush on someone like Jun - though he was the one working in the fields, it was you who was sweating, just watching him.
Although you did want to talk to him, try to get to know him a little bit, you chose not to - as someone who enjoyed the peace and quiet, you decided to let at least some member offer you that because guys like Soonyoung sure as hell could not.
Soonyoung was…….. A teenager stuck in a man’s body. Oh yeah he was hot as hell - just the nice build with muscles popping in all the right places. He knew how to dress better than most people on camp too - if you had seen him somewhere else, you would have thought he was one of those cool kids you always saw on campus.
But that image of him was destroyed the moment he sat on a Leopard and insisted it was a tiger. Over the last week, that was the predominant discussion between the two of you. That and his incessant flirting. Or rather, attempt to flirt. All he came across was cheesy, kinda humorous and loud. Extremely loud.
Wonwoo on the other hand was as silent as the night.
Most of the time you didn’t even know if and when he was around, it was like he was non-existent. The members too didn’t seem to bother much with what he did - you noticed he didn’t wash up with the others, often hitting the showers after you were done. He never came for any meals on time, he always stayed back, even after all the members dispersed for the day - he just seemed to function however he liked and no one questioned him. He never questioned you either - Not once did Wonwoo ever attempt to make conversation with you or even meet your eye. It was like he couldn’t care less and that wasn't very pleasant for you.
Someone who seemed to care a lot though, was Jihoon. Oh Jihoo was quiet too, but somehow he had his eyes on everything. Everything you did, everything you saw, even everything you felt seemed to find its way into Jihoon’s radar - he just knew. It terrified you that he was able to see right through you but the good thing about Jihoon was that he generally kept his mouth shut and wasn’t too keen on discussing his observations. Regardless, his presence made you feel extremely conscious and a part of you often tried to not be alone with him, lest he could read your mind or something.
As the last of the soap rinsed off you, you turned off the water and grabbed your towel, patting yourself down. Your body was sore and aching all over - Minghao said that was because you were not used to such combat routines and in a few months time you would get used to it but you weren’t really sure if you had it in you to tolerate all this for that long.
You also still had no idea what exactly these skills were needed for but from the conversations you overheard, it sounded like some sort of competition? That was both unlikely and terrifying cause who really competed with swords and spears anymore but if it was true, then what the actual hell??? Minghao said he didn’t want to scare you with the details just yet and would explain everything when the time came. For now, you were to focus on building your core strength and basic self defense, in case the camp is ever attacked…. Yes, cause that is less scary, way to make one feel better.
But that was the thing about Minghao - he did not have the habit of sugar coating things. He was honest with his feedback no matter how rude it sounded and though sometimes it did make you feel like shit, he also made sure to push you to do better. You knew if there was anyone you could approach for a real, unbiased opinion, it was him.
The same could not be said for Mingyu though - everything that came out of his mouth was saccharine sweet to the point it actually annoyed you. There was no doubt he was a nice guy - he was handsome, goofy, really good with his hands, really really good with his brain but the same didn’t extend to his mouth. His style of getting your attention was to ceaselessly seek validation and unfortunately for him, you weren’t really someone who was great with words of affirmation. When he was not trying so hard to please though, Mingyu was truly the biggest sweetheart with the fattest, most caring heart you had ever come across - the kind one wanted to wrap in bubble wrap and tuck away safely.
Seokmin too fell in the same category - the type who was so precious, it was hard to believe people like him even existed. The only reason you were able to survive these few weeks of training despite coming late was because Seokmin had your back every time Seungcheol wasn’t watching - allowing you to take breathers, overlooking the fact that you were doing less sets than you were supposed to, things of that sort. He was always sweet and calm, giving you soft smiles and sweet eye crinkles.
With his members though, Seokmin was a whole different person - he was unnaturally loud, extremely energetic and all over the place. The problem was, you didn’t know which of the two was the real him. You weren’t really sure why but something told you Seokmin wasn’t the man he seemed like and a strange curiosity coursed through you every time you interacted with him.
Seungkwan on the other hand was the exact opposite, he was exactly what he seemed like - always annoyed, unabashedly honest and unnecessarily snarky. In a way, you understood him - Seungkwan had the habit of taking on many things at once and keeping him unbelievably busy. In university, you too were like this - you took extra modules, signed up for multiple clubs, worked an internship alongside a couple of part time jobs and more. You liked to be occupied, to not allow yourself the room to think about what your life could have been otherwise. Maybe that’s why you saw yourself in Mr. Busy Boo - always roaming around with that bluetooth in his ear, attending some meeting or the other, frequently heading to the city to get work done - ‘rest’ was just not a word in his dictionary.
But even amidst all this business and even though his automated response was to snap back at people, he still managed to bond really well with the members despite having joined the camp only a few months before you had. It was like they all needed him to be their constant reality check.
The one who you thought required his presence more than anyone was Hansol. A man like him whose entire personality was avoidant needed someone like Seungkwan who would drag him into everything forcibly. Hansol wasn’t like Wonwoo, who was unbothered, couldn’t care less and pretended like you didn’t exist. Hansol was well aware of your presence and chose to actively avoid you every time - if you remembered right, there were even instances when he had practically run away from you. Something was just weird about that guy.
Perhaps the most normal of them all was Chan - actually he was just as loud and consistently blabbering much like some of the others but something about him made you feel very fond of him. Sure he was the same age as you but he felt like a child, always babied by his members, always grinning like a cheshire cat. And consequently, you too naturally babied him and Chan too enjoyed it - the two of you were perfectly content with your dynamic.
If only you got that same feeling with everyone else……
As you grabbed your things and stepped out of the bath house fully dressed, Wonwoo was standing outside with a towel slung on his shoulder, scrolling through his phone. Without so much as looking at you, he walked past you, into the shower room, loudly shutting the door behind him.
“Can you ever be on time?” Jeonghan sighed, handing you a plate of pancakes as you looked around realizing everyone was nearly done with breakfast. “It’s not my job to wait your table every morning.”
“Until you lot arrange for me to have my own shower,” You grabbed an apple, taking a bite into it as you sat at the extra long dining table. “I’m afraid this is exactly how late I will be everyday.”
“You know what they say sweetie,” Soonyoung whisked the apple from your hand, taking a bite of his own. “If you can’t beat the crowd, join the crowd.”
You looked at him exasperatedly, knowing that he was just talking out of his ass. Maybe if it was someone else you'd be offended but seeing his childlike face and full cheeks, you were only mildly amused.
“I'm more of the ‘don't join the crowd, let it follow you’ kinds.”
“Oh I'd follow you anywhere Y/n.” He sighed dreamily as you laughed, taking a bite out of your pancakes that were still too hot.
“How about you start following your own girlfriend instead Kwon?” Minghao walked around the kitchen island shooting Soonyoung an unimpressed look. “Rumour is that she was seen outside the Dreamboys Disco and we all know exactly what one goes there for.”
“She's not my girlfriend anymore.” Soonyoung muttered. “We broke up.”
“Weren't you just planning an anniversary trip two days ago?” Seokmin looked at him quizzically.
“Yeah then we argued over a location and she said it was better we broke up for a while.”
“This is what, your third breakup this month?”
“Fifth.” He whispered sadly in a way that made you want to pat his back. “Sixth actually, if you count the one that lasted for 3 hours.”
“I'll never understand these on again off again kind of relationships.” Seungkwan clicked his tongue, hurriedly grabbing a banana, balancing all the files in his hand. “The only thing it screams to me is disrespect.”
“Okay Mr. Seung-I-am-the-son-of-Hera-and-marriage-is-the-way-of-life-Kwan” Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “Not every traditional relationship is healthy, and not everything unconventional is toxic.”
“Yes, except yours is both unconventional and toxic.” Seungkwan scoffed, raising his hand before Soonyoung retaliated. “I can’t care enough right now, tiger boy, I’m already late. We can reschedule your relationship counseling session sometime later.”
“How about never?” Soonyoung grumbled as Seungkwan rushed off, attending a call on his bluetooth. “Who’s idea was it for him to join the camp again?”
“Mine.” Seungcheol slid onto the seat across you, raising an eyebrow. “Is there a problem?”
“Nope.” Soonyoung shook his head fast. “Absolutely not.”
Smirking just a little, Seungcheol turned to you, sliding a couple pieces of chicken breast off his plate onto yours. “You need to eat more Y/n, that little won’t last you through the day.”
“Same goes for you..” Jeonghan mumbled, placing a bottle of protein shake near Seungcheol who gave him a grateful smile. From the corner of your eye, you saw Jun increase the portion of chicken to buy on the huge shopping list scribbled on the white board.
If there was anything you absolutely loved about this camp, it was the brotherhood. No matter what each member was like individually, as a team, they loved and cared about each other immensely. You weren’t really sure if and when they could extend the same for you but having lived alone nearly all your life, a part of you craved to be one of them, to be cared for like that.
“I won’t be able to make it for the meeting tonight.” Wonwoo, as usual, strolled in much later than you and no one, as usual, had any complaints with that. In fact rather uncharacteristically nicely, Jeonghan handed him breakfast, shooting him a worried look.
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“I need to drop by the headquarters today.” He sighed, sitting a couple of seats away from you. “There’s an important official coming and apparently my presence is needed.”
“Will you be back by nightfall?” Seungcheol asked, looking concerned. You knew why he was worried - if Wonwoo wasn’t there on camp grounds at night that meant all the members had to take their places on the perimeter to guard overnight. Sleep was not an option that night.
“Yeah,” Wonwoo replied, not looking up. “I will just have to miss out on the meeting for the lawsuit.”
Right that meeting. The one you, Jeonghan and Wonwoo, had been trying to have for days now to sort out the biggest mess of your life.
“Shouldn’t be a problem, Nonu.” Mingyu patted his shoulder, shooting you a wink. “Y/n has other plans with me today anyways.”
You frowned confused as Mingyu clarified. “You were going to finalise your house plan so I could start construction, remember?”
Oh yeah, you had that too.
“Awesome, then I can go to the city today.” Jeonghan clapped cheerily, taking his apron off.
“You don’t work today though…..” Jun muttered, looking at the shortage in the lunch boxes he had packed.
“Don’t worry about food, I got some friends to meet over lunch.” The older man shot him a two-fingered salute before jogging out of the dining hall, earning Seungcheol’s tired sigh.
“I can never keep up with him-”
“Cab leaves in five!” Chan shouted, poking his head through the window.
The members around immediately stuffed the last of their breakfast, grabbing their things hurriedly, rushing out to get the front seat in Chan’s car. Afterall, the ones behind had to squeeze to fit themselves in and the one hour bumpy ride to the city was not fun. From their collective groans though you could tell Jeonghan had called shotgun - the asshole was lucky as usual.
Seungcheol downed the last of his breakfast with a fond laugh before turning to you.
“Have a nice day Y/n, I’ll see you later.”
You tried not to smile back at him too widely as your eyes followed him leaving the premises. When you turned back to your meal, you could feel a set of eyes keenly looking at you. Looking up, you saw Jihoon staring at you with a small smirk, his expression all knowing. Gulping, you excused yourself from there.
You stared at the blueprint before you, humming skeptically.
“Are you still not happy with the design?” Mingyu sighed, crossing his arms.
“I don’t know.” You drawled. “Something about it feels….off.”
“Something about your own design that you made for your own house feels off?”
“Gyu.” Joshua chastised, standing up from the couch and walking over to you. “Artists second guess their work all the time, have some patience.”
“I am patient.” The bigger man pointed. “But she’s unbelievably indecisive.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” You looked up at Mingyu guiltily. “It’s just, I’m wondering if having a bathroom in my residence is a good idea or if I should just have another small one built by the bath house? I mean think about it - my residence is so far from the training grounds and the dining hall, if I had to walk all this distance everyday, I’m only going to be more late-”
“I get it.” Mingyu patted your back. “I get your concerns but the sooner we finalize this, the sooner I can get to building it and the sooner you can get out of Seungcheol’s house and into your own space.”
Ahhh.
Right.
A part of you was thankful that Jihoon wasn’t a part of this discussion otherwise he would’ve seen right through your subtle attempts to delay this process. You didn’t want to be an inconvenience on purpose but….. You were just a girl and you wanted to get to know Cheol a little better. It didn’t help that he was barely ever at home, leaving at the crack of dawn for training and only returning very late at night, after he finished attending night school doing that stupid astronomy degree of his. The only time you ever got with him was on Sunday because members did not train on Sundays - everyone was free to do whatever they wanted. And you wanted to do Cheol.
So far you only had the chance to spend one weekend alone with him and maybe just maybe if you pushed your house construction a little you’d have the chance for another weekend or two. Then perhaps, you’d be able to take this unresolved, unnecessary tension with him somewhere.
“How about you take a few days and work on your plan again Y/n?” Joshua rolled up the large paper carefully, handing it to you. “Whenever you’re ready let me and Mingyu know - we’ll try and figure out the materials, budget, feasibility and all that.”
“It’s times like this I miss Jeonghan’s brain.” Mingyu clicked his tongue, disappointed. “Where did he say he was off to again?”
“When does he ever tell us?” Joshua mumbled. “He should be back by nightfall though. Jun said he needed help with the fertilizer composition and Han told him he would help.”
“Wow, he’s capable of being useful.” You rolled your eyes, stashing the blueprint into your bag. Mingyu and Joshua laughed, amused.
“Jeonghan is always useful..”
“We still haven’t managed to figure out a thing about my lawsuit and my hearing is in a few weeks-”
“Han and Wonwoo will sort it out Y/n, don’t worry.” Joshua rubbed your arm comfortingly. “They’re the best one can ask for.”
“Yeah except I can’t seem to ask Jeonghan for anything cause he’s a little bitch or ask Wonwoo anything because for that he would need to realise that I exist and I don’t think he does.”
“Wonwoo hyung is….” Mingyu trailed off. “He’s a little hard to understand. Just give him some time. Once you figure him out, you’ll know why he’s like this.”
Exasperated, you shook your head and walked away. Time was the one thing you never seemed to have.
Like always, as the sun began setting you glanced out of the window of the library catching sight of the varied hues in the sky. On the camp ground you could see Mingyu riding his big mechanical bull, lighting up the fire torches around for the night. Pulling out the lighter from your bag, you stared at the candles stacked in the middle of the table.
Sighing you cast the lighter aside and snapped your fingers, watching the flames come to life in your hand, dancing across your palm. Stretching your fingers, and moving your hand around, you watched the orange yellow light just glide across your skin like it was a pretty accessory and not literal fire that should have obliterated your hand by now.
Fire never did burn you - how could it when a mere thought could make it come alive in your hands. You first discovered this when you were 16 and accidentally dunking your hand in a pot full of boiling water did not leave so much as a scar. Even though you were unscathed you roamed around for a few days with a fully bandaged hand - the world would have thought you were some sort of freak otherwise. Over the years you tried to play with fire in many ways, just to test your limits, just to see how far you could go and each time, much to your own dismay, the limit didn’t exist. Each time proved just how much you didn’t fit in the world, just how much you deserved to be alone because you really were a freak.
But that was until a few weeks ago.
Until you discovered it wasn’t the inability to burn that was the true madness - it was your ability to create fire itself.
From there things spiraled. You learnt you weren’t the anomaly but a part of a rather large group of such circus acts - a world completely hidden from your own. In a cascade of events you were thrown into camp seventeen out of no will of your own and now, this was your life, this was your world.
Holding your flaming hand over your redrawn sketches you glanced at them. Thanks to the two boys yet again canceling the meeting with you, you found yourself working in the library earlier than usual, exhausted by the time the sun set. As you debated between working a little more or heading back, the door opening with a slow creak made the decision for you - if it was windy outside, it was most likely going to rain and you didn’t want to stay long enough to get drenched. Quickly dousing the flame and blowing out the candles, you grabbed all your things and saw your way out.
In the darkness, the camp was quiet as usual. You figured most of the members must’ve retired to their residences for the night and when you reached the House of Zeus, surprisingly, so had Seungcheol.
“Y-you’re home.” You stuttered, watching the shirtless man, doing sit ups in the middle of the living room in the dim golden light of the paraffin lamps.
Evidently Seungcheol hadn’t expected your presence so soon either because at the sound of your voice, he got up with a jerk, pulling a muscle in his abdomen.
“Cheol oh my god-”
“You’re early.” He got up wincing, holding the side of his trunk. “I’m sorry I should have been doing this in my room-”
“I mean, the whole house is yours-”
“There’s a heavy rain forecast today, not really much astronomy I can do-”
“Yeah I came back because of the rain too-”
“Yeah me too….” Seungcheol trailed off realising how silly he sounded.
Grabbing his shirt from the floor, he attempted to put it on, groaning miserably at the pain shooting up his abdomen. Watching him struggle, you quickly dropped your things and tried to reach for him to help out, but just as your finger barely grazed over his skin, he stumbled back like he was electrocuted, pushing your hand away.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Cheol…. “ You frowned, confused. “I was just trying to help-”
“Seungcheol.” He corrected. “And I don’t need your help Y/n. Please just…. stay away from me.”
You blinked at a complete loss of words at his unwarranted behaviour. Unsure about how you felt, you grabbed your bag from the floor, turned on your heel and walked out silently, the same way you came in.
As usual, bad luck had followed you on your way out.
Not only was your life miserable, the weather too decided to be a pain in your ass and it started drizzling the moment you stepped out of Seungcheol’s house.
Even though the water was cold and you were shivering, you took off in the rain. You needed to get as far away from here as you could.
You were such a fool. You should have known that Seungcheol wasn’t being nice or giving you your space, on the contrary he was keeping his distance, putting you at an arm’s length. It was evident today - not only was he uninterested, but somehow it seemed like your very presence was disturbing him in some way.
And there was you who was always desperately wishing for the smallest interaction with him.. What an idiot.
Hugging yourself, you walked further down the cobbled path. Tomorrow you were going to finalise your house plan with Mingyu and get out of Cheol’s house as soon as possible. But as much as you wanted to avoid him and pull yourself away, a part of you was still aching at the loss of something that you believed had a lot of potential. Why did it have to be him of all people? Why couldn’t it have been someone like Mingyu - he was hot as hell and unlike his leader, he actively showed interest in you all the time.
As you raised your head, Mingyu’s house loomed before you and your feet, as if they had a brain of their own, took you towards his mini mansion of a residence. That was until you saw Jihoon stepping out of the same place and instinctively took a swift u-turn.
The last person who could see you right now was Jihoon - that man would read you like an open book and know exactly how fucking embarrased you were. Hoping to god he didn’t spot you, you quickly ran, entering the nearest gate for temporary refuge, till you got out of his sight.
But in hindsight, perhaps falling in Jihoon’s line of vision was better than the situation you had landed yourself in….. You weren’t really sure who’s house you had trespassed until the low growling expressed just how much his companion disliked it.
Horang.
Realising you had quite literally thrown yourself into the den of a wild cat, you froze, praying that it didn’t notice you and you could slip out as easily as you slipped in. But before you could do anything, a hand grabbed you quickly, leading you into the neighbouring cottage, shutting the door behind you.
“Are you insane?” Soonyoung looked at you confused, shaking the water off his hair. “Why would you enter Horang’s enclosure unless you wanted to be ripped apart.”
“I didn’t know….” You rubbed your arms, generating heat. “I was just….trying to escape the rain.”
“You should have knocked on my door then..” He muttered, disappearing for a split second, returning with a towel in his hand. “Horang isn’t used to you yet so please don’t venture near my tiger in my absence - he only listens to me.”
You tried not to hyperfixate on the inappropriate labeling of Horang in the off chance that an annoyed Soonyoung threw you back out. Instead, you accepted his towel, patting yourself dry, still shivering a little. With his hands on your shoulder, Soonyoung led you to the fireplace, guiding you to sit on the couch across. As you did, you glanced around his residence.
This was the first time you were in Soonyoung’s place and in all honesty, it looked much like that designated room in college dorms where all the parties happened - he had party lights everywhere, streamers hanging from the ceiling and techno music softly playing over the speakers.
When you turned back to him, Soonyoung held out a christmas mug, with a grin. “Mulled wine.”
“I can’t.” You shook your head although in the headspace you were in, you could really use some alcohol. “I won’t be able to wake up on time tomorrow.”
“It’s not like you’ll be on time even if you were sober.” He chuckled, immediately regretting his words as you narrowed your eyes at him. “You’re in the House of Dionysus. This is literally the only hot drink I have to offer.”
Sighing you took it from him, desperate to have something warm coursing through your body after all that coldness you experienced earlier.
“So, why are you out and about in the rain?” Soonyoung sank into the couch beside you, sipping a drink of his own.
“I….just needed to be away from that house for a while.” You mumbled, taking a sip.
“Why? Has Seungcheol gotten overbearing already?”
“It’s not him….”
“It’s always him.” Soonyoung sighed. “But it’s not his fault. He just has a lot of pressure on him to be perfect as a leader, you know? That sort of thing gets to you.”
“I know. It’s just….. “ You sighed, not knowing how to explain things to him. “Forget it, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“No, tell me.” He whined making you turn to him, finally noticing he was fully dressed from head to toe like he was about to march right into a party.
“Are you going somewhere?”
“Work?” Soonyoung stated like it was obvious. “Don’t tell me you forgot what I do.”
You looked at him sheepishly. “I’ve been here for just a week Kwon and there’s thirteen of you so I’m sorry if it’s taking me some time.”
“Forgiven.” He nodded amused. “I own the Midnight club in the city centre.”
“Right, that big Demigod rave place.”
“No, the Midnight club is for humans. There’s another club hidden behind it, After Hours - That’s for Demigods exclusively.”
You let out an oh of realization as Soonyoung continued.
“Business usually runs fine on its own but I try to drop by from time to time to just remind everyone who the boss is.”
“I heard there’s a life size portrait of you behind the DJ booth to do the same.”
“Obituaries are portraits too.” He rolled his eyes. “I need to let them know I am alive, kicking and always in charge.”
You shook your head laughing. “Well then aren’t you getting late? You should probably leave by now-”
“I don’t think I’m going.” He mumbled, downing his drink in one shot, red slowly creeping on his face. “Not in the mood.”
Glancing at him silently, you just blinked at him. You knew guys like Soonyoung could not keep a thing in them - he would share whatever was bothering him without you even asking in three, two, on-
“The intel is that my ex is going to be there tonight.”
“Ahh.” You crossed your feet on his couch, settling in. “And you don’t want to see her?”
“I don’t want to see her with other men.” He gripped his mug tight. “With the news out that she’s single, guys will be falling all over her and I know she’s going to play along just to make me jealous.”
“Well two can play that game right? You can do the same?”
“What makes you think there are girls fawning all over me?”
“Do you just want to hear me say you’re hot and that you could pull if you wanted to?” You cocked your head at him. “Cause I can. I have a little wine in me so I can use it as an excuse.”
Soonyoung laughed, throwing his head back. “No I know I’m hot, but do you know who she is?”
You shook your head, drinking up more.
“Aphrodite’s daughter, the femme fatales of the demigod world - boys want her and girls don’t want to mess with her. No one is going to so much as look at her ex, forget trying to hit on me.”
“Huh.” You pondered, the cogwheels in your brain turning. “Well technically, no one in the human world knows her so I’m sure one of them will-”
“There’s no point of that. She knows I won’t go for a human.”
“Why is that?”
Soonyoung stared back at you a little hard before a small smirk formed on his face. “Y/n, are you a virgin?”
You blinked, breaking out into a laugh. “I sure am drunk cause I seem to have missed why this intrusive question is relevant now?”
Taking your empty mug from you, Soonyoung filled it up again from the pot. “What I mean is, demigods don’t sleep with humans sweetie.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re half gods, do you think humans can really satisfy us?” Soonyoung raised his eyebrows. “Mortals can’t keep up with our sex drive.”
As you looked confused, the smirk returned back to Soonyoung’ face. “Which is why I asked. If you haven’t realised that a mortal man can’t pleasure you, then either you’ve never had sex……. or you’ve never had an orgasm.”
“I don’t have to answer that.”
“Come on, humor me.”
“Maybe I’m starting to get why your girlfriend dumped your annoying ass.”
Soonyoung pouted, feigning hurt as you rolled your eyes.
“So now if you want to get her back, you won’t be hit on by another demigod and you can’t be hit on by a human which means your only chance of making her jealous is with……” You looked at him intently. “Kwon Soonyoung, why are your eyes glimmering with mischief?”
“You.” He took the cup from your hands and set it on the table, much to your dismay. “You’re the only one who she doesn’t know about and the only one who doesn’t know her…..”
“So?”
“Oh you’d be the perfect bait.” Soonyoung clapped his hands. “One look at you next to me and she’s going to be quaking in her boots.”
“If you think I’m about to stroll into a nightclub and pretend to hit on you to make your ex girlfriend jealous you’re sorely mistaken.”
“Why?” He whined. “Why can’t you do me a small favour. I saved you from Horong-”
“Number one. If you didn’t pull me into your house, I would have ran out of the gate and been safe anyways-”
“Sure.”
“Number two, I don’t know what the hell is in this wine. Normally it takes a whole bottle to knock me down but two glasses in and I’m already buzzed-”
“It’s a special blend.”
“And number three, unfortunately for you, women are really observative creatures. One look at me next to you and she’s going to know there’s absolutely nothing going on between us.”
Soonyoung opened and closed his mouth like he was thinking about what to say. “It won’t work out Kwon.”
“This always happens.” He sighed. “She breaks it off with me for any small thing, goes on to have her fun, pushes me till I have to beg for her forgiveness and then she accepts it whenever she feels like. Everything is always whenever she feels like it. We haven’t even had sex in like two years-”
“Okay.” You cut him off before he went into details you didn’t need to know. “If you’re so aware of what she’s doing, why do you always give in to her? Do you really like her or… is she just a habit?”
“I don’t know.” Soonyoung stared at the floor, lost in thought. “I just know that we’ve been together since we were 18. And I can’t throw that away.”
“I never knew you were such a romantic Kwon.”
He laughed, sinking further into the couch.
“You really want her back huh?”
“I do.”
“And this time do you want her to make the effort?”
“A man can hope.”
“Well then.” You turned to him. “Point number three was relevant only if she saw me…do you have your phone?”
Soonyoung nodded, patting his many pockets and finally finding it, holding it out.
“You're going to call and tell her you're hitting on me?”
“No…. If you give her a missed call will she call back?”
“Not immediately.” He sighed. “She'll take her time to pretend like she didn't see and then get back to me-”
“Do it.” He continued to look at you confused. “Call her and cut the call.”
He followed through but the frown didn't leave him the whole time. “Y/n what exactly are you doing?”
“This may be a bit diabolical but it should do the trick.” You took a deep breath glancing at Soonyoung. “When she calls you back, she's going to hear us having sex.”
“W-what?”
“Before you get any ideas, I'm not going to have sex with you Soonyoung, we're just going to make her think that we are.”
“How exactly will we do that?”
“We'll fake it.” You shrugged. “Make a couple of wet skin smacking sounds-”
“and you could moan my name, say how good I'm making you feel.”
“Didn’t you get onboard this real fast.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “I'm going to make it really clear once again that this is for her not-”
Ring!
At the sound of the ringtone both of you glanced at his phone and in a split second, Soonyoung picked up the call, holding it against his ear. Thankful that you got the opportunity to execute your idea so soon and determined to put up the show you promised, you immediately got to it, clearing your throat.
“Fuck yes Soonyoung, that feels so good-”
With widened eyes and a swift movement, Soonyoung shut your mouth with his hand, shaking his head.
“Yeah, yeah I remember…..Oh no that was just…. our cow?…..Yes Daisy, she's just having a rough night….. Anyways thanks for the reminder Hyungwon.”
You stared at him mortified, all the wine threatening to exit your system.
“Yeah sure, see you tomorrow bro.”
Soonyoung brought down both the phone and his hand at the same time.
“Oh god I’m so sorry, I thought it was-”
“That’s your idea of having sex??” He looked at you shocked. “Thank god it wasn’t Mina because there was no way in hell she would have believed that?”
“Hey, I had no preparation time, you try faking it off the bat.” You mumbled. “Besides, it wasn’t so bad.”
“Wasn’t so bad?” Soonyoung looked scandalised. “Do you even know what you sounded like? Fuck yes Soonyoung, that feels good-”
You leaned back inching away from him.
“What the…..what was that?”
“That's what you said.”
“I know but” You frowned unsure if you heard right or if you were starting to get too drunk. “You sounded exactly like me. Like your voice, it….it was mine.”
“Oh.” Soonyoung scratched the back of his head. “Yeah well um being the son of the God of Theater comes with its own skill set. Imitation helps confuse opponents during war - it has actually saved us in quests many times.”
“You can imitate anyone?”
Soonyoung nodded.
“Any sound they make?”
He nodded again as you let out a low whistle.
“Well that's brilliant, then you don't even need me. You can make your girlfriend jealous by simply impersonating me.”
“The keyword is imitate. I can only repeat sounds I hear, I can't just make them up.” He shifted in his seat. “So if I should impersonate you, I need to hear what you actually sound like during sex.”
You rolled your eyes. “Don't push your luck Kwon.”
“I'm kidding.” He laughed leaning back into the couch, his eyes fluttering shut. “But you really have to work on the faking.”
“Yeah I've been told.” You muttered as Soonyoung sat up again.
“Aha, so you have never had an orgasm!”
“Because of a man, no I've not.” You confessed. “But bold of you to assume that I'm not perfectly capable of my own.”
Soonyoung looked confused.
“Ever heard of masturbation, genius?”
Soonyoung's mouth formed an O of realisation. “Well I've been in a relationship for almost 10 years so I've never had to take care of myself.”
“Don't rub it on my face Kwon.” You scoffed but regretted immediately knowing some dirty joke was going to come out of the man. So shutting his mouth with your hand, you held a finger to your lips. “Not a word. You're going to shut up till your girlfriend calls back.”
“That could be a very very long time.” He mumbled against your hand making you press it harder against his mouth with a shush.
5 minutes later you were on your fourth mug of wine and Mina still hadn't called.
10 minutes later, you were nearly falling asleep and Soonyoung was already snoring away beside you.
15 minutes later the sound of the rain began to get softer outside.
And 20 minutes later was when you finally lost your patience, shaking Soonyoung awake.
“It’s getting late, I should go….”
Soonyoung looked up at you sleepily as you got off the couch, standing up.
“You should.….. I’m sorry, I shouldn't have roped you into this” He glanced at the blank screen on his phone. “Clearly Mina is either too busy having fun on her own or she doesn’t care.”
You smiled at him sadly, as he pulled his feet up, snuggling into the couch.
“I'm so sorry.” You whispered. “Goodnight Kwon.”
“Goodnight sweetie.”
Setting the mug down, you grabbed your bag and opened his front door, relieved that the rain seemed to have stopped. But something was also stopping you from stepping out.
Giving it a thought and sighing, you turned around, looking at the half asleep man again.
“You said you could imitate me right?”
Soonyoung's eyes slowly fluttered open.
“So if you listen to how I actually sound, if and when she calls back, you can execute the plan on your own right?”
Soonyoung looked at you in a mix of confusion, drunkenness and sleepiness.
“Are you saying that…”
“No, I'm not going to sleep with you Kwon Soonyoung.”
“But you're horrible at faking.”
“Yet again I'm going to remind you about masturbation.”
You sighed, looking at his eternally lost expression. Grabbing his hand, you pulled him off the couch, leading him to his room.
Soonyoung's room was just how you expected it to be - a mess. There were things scattered everywhere, all kinds of band posters up on the wall, snack wrappers all over the floor.
He quickly kicked the trash under his bed and looked at you pleadingly. “You cannot tell Mingyu how messy my room is. And you most definitely cannot tell Seungcheol I'm snacking - he does not understand post break up slump.”
You gritted your teeth annoyed to be reminded of him again. Of course he didn't understand anything remotely related to feelings.
“Don't worry, no one's gonna know anything because you too are going to keep your mouth shut about whatever happens tonight.”
“I still don't know what's happening tonight.” He mumbled as you walked around his room, glancing at everything.
“I'm going to get myself off and you're going to listen and take notes.” Soonyoung's eyes finally widened in realisation.“Do you have a towel?”
He nodded, quickly going through the stack of clothes piled on the chair across his bed and pulled out a long white one. Taking it from him you laid it down on his bed, the two of you staring at it mindlessly.
“Could you also close the curtains?” You fidgeted with your fingers, putting your bag down at the foot of his bed as Soonyoung nodded. “Also dim the lights please.”
Following through your requests he tried not to look at you as you stripped out of your jacket and threw it on the bed. But when you unclasped your bra and pulled it out from under your shirt, Soonyoung was quite literally gawking.
“I’m hot.” You mumbled as he walked back, standing much closer to you than he was before.
“Yeah you are…. I mean,” He cleared his throat when you raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeah it's a little hot in here.”
Both of you tried to ignore the sound of cold raining softly falling against the window.
“On second thoughts,” You took a step back. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“W-why not?”
“If you haven’t noticed I am buzzed as hell and I’m not sure I can do…. a great job on myself right now.”
Lips slowly curling into a smile, Soonyoung cocked his head. “I can help.”
“Yes and I can finally use all that combat training and kick your ass. Soonyoung I am not sleeping with-”
“What? No, no I mean….. just wait here.”
Your eyes followed him as he jogged out of his room, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You must be crazy to suggest this. Sure there was alcohol in your system and sure you were trying to get your mind off Seungcheol, avoiding going back to his house but this…..
“Here you go.”
Soonyoung strolled back in with what you could only describe as a wooden looking, very phallic instrument.
“That’s…”
He nodded. “A dildo.”
“I have so many questions.”
“Let me clarify. Yes I have used a dildo before-”
“Oh god.”
“- Although my girlfriend isn’t the biggest fan of it-”
“This wasn’t my question.”
“-I do occasionally enjoy it myself.”
“I don’t think I should be a part of this conversation.”
“But this dildo in particular, has never been used by either of us before.”
“That!” You pointed out. “That’s all I needed to know.”
Soonyoung held it out to you, looking at you expectantly. You gulped.
“You know, I don’t think I can do this. I’m actually more of a vibrator girl myself.”
“Now who’s indulging in the TMI?”
You rolled your eyes. “My point is, I don’t need this, I can just do it myself-”
“I haven’t even gotten to the story behind this.” He giggled. “This is my father’s.”
“Aaaand I’m done here.”
“No what I mean is-” He shuffled closer to you like he was revealing a big secret. “My father may be the god of wine and ecstasy and madness and theatre and so many things but he is also…. the creator of the dildo.” You stared at him vacantly. What?? “I don’t think you wanna know the story behind it, it’s disturbing as fuck-”
“More disturbing than everything so far?”
“-but basically, a few years back, my father was temporarily exiled from Olympus and while he was in the human world, he had, what he calls, a magnificent business idea….sex toys. Dildo’s in particular. That’s when he made this.” He held it up and you wished he did it a little less proudly. “This isn’t an ordinary dildo Y/n, no. This baby can take on the shape, size, dimensions and every single tiny detail” He gave a dramatic pause. “Of the person you are imagining while going at it.”
“W-what?” You blinked at him stumped. “You mean to say it…. morphs into a replica of someone’s actual dick?”
Soonyoung nodded fast. “This piece is a prototype that Dionysus made but when he brought the idea to Zeus it was shut down immediately because Gods aren’t supposed to interfere with human business and all that hoo ha, so he left it with me before he returned home.” With a small smile dancing on his lips, he held it out to you. “So if you want, it's all yours.”
You stared at it.
A magic dildo that could take the shape of any dick you wanted?
You would have to be insane to say no to that.
Pretending to hesitate just so you didn’t come across completely deranged, you slowly took the toy off Soonyoung’s hand, feeling the weight of it in your own. As you tried to picture how exactly this night might go, Soonyoung took a few steps back, grabbed a fistful of the material behind his neck and pulled his shirt over his head.
“What?” He smirked as your eyes ran down his chiseled body, mouth moving but no words leaving it. “Didn’t you say it was hot?”
As Soonyoung moved all the clothes stacked on the chair to the floor and sat down, you watched as the minor oversights in your plan came into play. If he had to take notes, then Kwon Soonyoung was going to watch you.
Tongue in the cheek, you glanced around the room, thanking all the gods in Olympus when you spotted a lacy blindfold hanging on the headboard. Without questioning its existence in his room, you quickly grabbed it and threw it at him.
“The deal was for audio Kwon, no visuals.”
In complete contrast to his hot as fuck appearance he pouted like a child as you shook your head and looked at the blindfold pointedly. Sighing, he reached for it and put it over his eyes, tying it behind his hand. Not trusting him entirely, you walked up to him, slotting yourself between his legs and pulled the knot. Soonyoung’s hands gripped your thighs in both surprise and pain.
“Sorry.” He mumbled, fingers softly grazing your legs as he pulled his hands away. “I promise, I can’t see a thing.”
You nodded, then realised he said he couldn’t see and cleared your throat. “Yeah, okay.”
“Okay.” He breathed, leaning back, waiting expectantly.
Taking a few seconds, you let out a deep determined breath, preparing yourself for what was coming. As you unbuttoned your jeans, shimmying both your shorts and underwear down your legs, your eyes finally took a good look at the man of the hour, Kwon Soonyoung. Yeah he was one of the members who often trained shirtless which meant you had seen this display many times before but this was perhaps the first time you were actually paying attention to it. Before this, you hadn’t quite realised just how beautifully tanned and toned he was or how much that undercut suited him or how hot he looked biting his lower lip.
Kicking your garments away, you pried your eyes, reminding yourself that this man was taken. Or at least would be taken again pretty soon. You shouldn’t do this. You shouldn’t be looking at him, you shouldn’t be thinking about him and he sure as fuck cannot be the inspiration for your new magic sex toy.
That unfortunately meant that there was only one other person in your mind who could be the muse - Choi Seungcheol. Despite his dismissal earlier and despite being someone who held herself as a very high level of self respect, it was evident that your body shamelessly still craved him - he was the only one running in your mind. Trying to block him out, you arranged the pillows on Soonyoung’s bed against the headboard, adjusted the towel and slowly climbed on. In all the time that you took leaning against it, spreading your legs and settling in, Soonyoung remained incredibly quiet. Patient.
Although he couldn’t see you, watching him felt weird, given the man and the dick on your mind were not him. Sighing, you glanced at the object you were gripping - it had already taken shape of what you desired and the sight of it made you gulp.
Lord was Choi Seungcheol thick.
Given his beefy exterior and broad build you had always assumed he was packed between his legs but this was nowhere near what you were imagining, not even close. Earlier, you were worried how you would get yourself off when you weren’t even wet enough but now you were practically dripping with the thought of that inside you. Still, you didn’t think it could fit, not without any prep.
Slipping two fingers in your mouth you wet them messily before guiding them to your folds, smearing the spit with your very evident arousal. When you let out a soft sigh, Soonyoung shifted in his seat like he was alert and when your fingers teased your hole, slowly slipping in, an unintentional moan left you too, making him practically grip the armrests of his couch tight.
“I'm going to need more than that Y/n.” He whispered. “What are you doing right now?”
“I’m prepping myself, it’s…” You gulped. “It’s too big.”
“Do you need lube?” He frowned. “Although I don’t know where it is….or if I even have any-”
“That’s okay.” You shook your head. “I think I’m wet enough. Almost.”
“Do you need any help?”
You glanced at his tense body. “How can you help?”
“Are you the kind that listens to instructions?”
“Occasionally.”
“Then push your fingers further.” He exhaled. “Curl them up.”
Although that was what was on your mind anyways, you obeyed. As your fingers brushed that spot, a soft fuck escaped your lips.
“Feel good?”
“Yeah.” You nodded. “Yeah that’s good.”
“Then move.” He cocked his head. “Slowly at first, then pick up speed.”
Even before he finished his sentence you had followed through, fingers pumping faster, head falling back as the grip around the dildo in your hand tightened.
“Add another finger.”
“This feels good enough.”
“This will feel better.” He urged. “Stretch yourself a little and add another finger.”
Scissoring yourself open, you held back the moan that was threatening to tumble out, terrified Soonyoung would hear you. Belatedly you realised - Soonyoung was supposed to hear you.
“Fuck that does feel better.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you ready for more?”
“.......I think so.”
“Then wet the dildo.” He shifted. “Put it in your mouth.”
Hesitating just a bit you brought it up to your eye level, still taken aback by its sheer girth. In the dim light of the lamp on the nightstand you can see a stark vein running along his length, the sight of it nearly making your mouth water. Oh you wanted him to fill your mouth, you wanted him to fill you just about anywhere so bad but it was clear from earlier that Seungcheol didn’t want the same. So you were just going to take this chance and fuck him out of your brain. After tonight you were not going to think of Choi Seungcheol anymore.
Determined, you wrapped your mouth around the tip, humming against the weight on your tongue before pulling it out with a wet pop. As Soonyoung’s breath hitched, you sunk your mouth down on it again, taking it further in, not far enough to let it hit the back of your throat, but enough to just slightly choke around it, drool running down the corner of your mouth.
“Y/n,” Soonyoung’s voice sounded almost choked too. “Please….”
You’ve never had a man beg for you like this before and it wasn’t enough to touch him but to touch yourself? Something in you swelled in pride, but something was also terrified about what things would be like once this was over - could you and Soonyoung really be the same again? And if things were going to change, how would they be?
“Sweetie, you have to do something….”
Knowing you needed something in you more than he did, you drove the thoughts away before aligning the tip at your dripping hole and slowly pushing Seungcheol’s girth in.
“Holy shit..” You sighed as you thrusted his length further, the stretch serving a sting that slowly ebbed from pain to pleasure.
“Is it all the way in?” Soonyoung groaned as you shook your head gulping.
“It’s not…” You panted, glancing down to see barely any length disappearing in you yet you were so full. “I can’t.”
“You can.” He licked his drying lips. “You can Y/n, come on - fuck yourself like you want to be fucked.”
Yes you knew Soonyoung had a horrible habit of pointless flirting but you did not think his mouth was capable of spewing such filth too.
“Tell me how you like it.”
“Deep.” You whimpered, answering him as you shoved it in more, feeling it hit all the right places. “I like it deep.”
“And fast?”
“And fast.”
“Then move.”
And you did, pulling it out, pistoning it into you, sharp intakes of breath and curse words leaving you as you did. You felt your eyes roll back, threatening to shut but when they landed on Soonyoung they widened - he had slid down his chair, manspread now a lot wider and stark against his pants was the imprint of his uncomfortably trapped boner.
“Soonyoung….” You accidentally moaned, simply trying to get his attention. “Are you… hard?”
“Unbearably.” He confessed immediately. “I’m s-sorry, it’s been a while-”
“Do you want to touch yourself?”
You don’t know why exactly you asked him that but you wanted him to feel good too. Just as good as faux Seungcheol was making you feel.
“I think I can cum without that.” He half laughed, half groaned. “But god yes I want to.”
“Do it.” You directed him, halting your own movements, watching him. “Touch yourself.”
Without wasting a second, Soonyoung instantly unbuttoned his pants and stuck his hand down, wrapping it around his erection. As he shifted uncomfortably, you could tell he would’ve felt a lot better if he could completely free himself.
“Careful. Otherwise I’ll see you…I mean it…”
“Do you mind?” He raised his eyebrows at you. “Would it bother you if I….”
If you were being honest, since the moment you laid eyes on the outline of his dick you were curious…
“No.” You shook your head. “I don’t.”
“Then I don’t give a flying fuck.”
He raised his hips a little, just enough to pull down his pants as his erection sprung free, resting against his abs, pink and flushed.
Oh he was long.
Seungcheol might be thick but Soonyoung was long, like he could reach places no one else could. As he spat in his hand and smeared the pre cum along his length pumping it in his fist, you gulped, forgetting that you too were in the middle of doing the same thing, just staring.
“Y/n,” He moaned your name, throwing his head back, setting off a strange fire in your groin. “Match my pace.”
You nodded, thankful to not have to put your own brain to this which was threatening to shut off any moment now. Watching him half lidded, you let him set the pace for your movements, matching him almost perfectly.
“Fuck this feels so good.” Soonyoung whimpered.
“It does.” You agreed, with struggling breaths. “Soonyoung please…. Faster.”
“Faster?” He smirked, but listened. “You really are one of us huh.”
“I need more.” You whined, feeling yourself at an edge you were just not able to cross. “Soonyoung….”
“I wish I could help, baby.” He sighed, “I really do wish…”
“What would you have done?”
“I’d have my mouth everywhere…marked your neck…. marked those pretty breasts….fuck Y/n, you’d have to beg me to stop.”
“Don’t.” You moaned, pushing your shirt up with your free hand, grabbing a tit, squeezing it painfully hard. “Tell me more…”
“I’d hold the toy for you, watch you fuck yourself on it….” He stroked himself faster, almost erratically. “Maybe give it to you from the back so I can see how your ass-”
Groaning annoyed at the sound of music coming loudly from his pocket, your movements faltered, eyes widening. It was different from the ringtone earlier which probably meant-
“Is that Mina?”
“Yeah.”
“P-pick it up Soonyoung.”
“Ignore it.”
“Soon-”
“Ignore it.” He emphasized. “Go on Y/n, I don’t know how long the effects of that toy are going to last.”
And that’s what made you stop wondering why Soonyoung wouldn’t pick up the call when this was in fact the most ideal situation the two of you were meant to be caught in. You didn’t want to lose what you were pumping inside you, you didn’t want to lose the feeling of Seungcheol stretching you out. As you resumed the pace, Soonyoung’s voice left him like a croak.
“Do you like the thought of this? Someone listening to you get off?”
You didn’t want to answer that. Wasn’t the kind of things you liked evident by the fact that you were fucking yourself to one man while watching and listening to another?
“Because I love that you’re watching.” He whispered. “It’s driving me insane.”
“I wanna see you cum.” You pulled the toy out of you, tossing it onto the towel before your fingers found your clit rubbing circles hard.
“Fuck I'm close.” He pumped himself faster, losing rhythm, broken moans and whimpers leaving him. “So close.”
Words left your mouth too as incoherent babbles as you felt your back arch and insides tighten pleasurably. Eyes crossing and shut tight, you finally came, chest heaving, trying to catch a breath. As you slowly came around and ran your fingers down your folds realising just how much you came, Soonyoung continued to push himself over the edge, like he just needed a little more nudge to finally find his release. Gulping you swung your legs off the bed and silently walked up to him, standing between his manspread, leaning till your lips were right by his ear.
“Cum for me Soonyoung.”
Almost immediately, with a guttural moan, his head fell back, baring his neck as spurts of cum shot onto his hand and torso, painting them white. Once the sheer amount left him he finally slumped back into his chair, breathing again, like he had been holding it in for too long. The sight of his cum all over his abs against the sheen of sweat on it made you clench unwillingly and you ran two fingers over it, collecting it. You knew his lips parted to catch his breath but you took the chance to slip your digits into his mouth, letting him taste himself. Surprised but not unpleasantly, Soonyoung ran his tongue along them, licking it clean, pulling away with a pop.
“You taste as good as you sound.”
It's only then that you realise your own arousal was coating your fingers too.
Scoffing awkwardly, you shuffled back, picking up your shorts and panties from the floor, putting them on slowly.
“I'm not dressed yet!” You shrieked, futilely trying to cover yourself as Soonyoung attempted to remove his blindfold. Holding his hand up, he allowed you to get dressed in the silence that followed. Silence that was too much to bear, silence that if he hadn’t broken, you would have.
“I wasn't sure if I heard right but I thought…” He let out a deep breath as he tucked his flaccid self back in his pants. “I thought you took someone's name as you came.”
You froze.
You hadn't realised but now that you thought about it…. maybe, just maybe, you had taken Seungcheol’s name as your orgasm hit you. Yes you were incredibly turned on by Soonyoung and the sight of him and the sounds that left him but there was only one thing running at the back of your mind - cheol, cheol, cheol.
“I'm not sure what you heard.” You brushed away his concerns, trying to sound casual. “I don't even know what I was saying, I was in some other zone entirely.”
Soonyoung hummed in response and didn't push you for any further details. Grateful, you wiped your hands on the towel laid out before grabbing it, the bedsheet as well as the dildo and stuffed them all in your bag, throwing it over your shoulder - this was your mess to deal with.
“You done?”
“Yeah just….put fresh sheets please.”
“Oh don't worry about all that.” He got up, attempting to take his blindfold yet again. “I got it. If you want you could-”
“Goodbye Soonyoung.” You stepped back, knowing he was offering for you to stay the night. Instead you headed for the door, hoping to leave before your eyes met his again. “I hope I was of help.”
And as you left, you heard him sigh, revealing something he probably didn't mean for you to hear.
“I don't think so Y/n.”
—
When you left Soonyoung’s house the rain had stopped but as you stood in the dining hall before the laundry machines the storm had returned yet again, much heavier this time. You glanced outside the windows at the obscurity sighing. It was like things just hated being in your favour.
When the ding of the washer went off, you shifted the sheets into the dryer and decided to leave it there for the night considering you couldn't carry them back in the rain - you’d deal with them in the morning anyways, you weren’t ready to see Soonyoung just yet.
When you grabbed your bag from the floor, the weight had not reduced much - the dildo was still in it except it was back in its original popsicle-like shape, any trace of its resemblance to Seungcheol lost. You'd simply washed it and put it back in the bag, unsure what else to do with it. A part of you was annoyed that it had taken after Seungcheol of all people but the other was terrified that if you were to ever use it again, it would probably still model after him yet again.
Disappointed with yourself you took a deep breath and shook your head. No. No more Choi Seungcheol. This ends here.
Glancing at the machines one last time, you held onto your bag and ran out into the rain, hoping that Seungcheol had retired to his room by the time you reached. Instead, just as you approached the House of Zeus, you heard his voice.
“Y/n!”
He was drenched from head to toe, his blonde hair sticking to his face much like his shirt plastered against his pecs, like he had been soaked in the rain for hours. Letting out a struggled breath, you walked straight into his house, ignoring him. Seungcheol jogged over as fast as he could, putting himself in between you and the doors.
“Y/n please listen to me-”
“I don’t want to.” You attempted to go around him, only to be blocked by him again.
“I just want to explain what happened earlier-”
“I don’t care enough for an explanation.”
“I do!”
You rolled your eyes as you pushed him away, a lot less gently than you intended to and Seungcheol immediately caught your hand, pulling you towards him.
“Seungcheol-”
“You…. you can touch me.” He looked at his fingers wrapped around your wrist in awe, then at your palm flat against his chest.
“Didn’t you say you didn’t want me to-”
“You shouldn’t be able to.” He muttered like he was amazed, unable to tear his eyes away. “How can you….”
“Seungcheol, you're not making any sense.”
He let out a deep breath. “Do you remember when you first came to camp we told you that every demigod has a certain set of offensive and defensive powers depending on their parentage?”
You nodded, frowning.
“As the son of Zeus, my defensive power is….an electric field.” Oh. “At times like war, or in adrenaline driven situations, I become highly charged, rendering anyone who so much as comes two feet near me electrocuted. It's supposed to be a way to weaken enemies.” He sighed, “That’s why I was afraid of you touching me. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“But…..Seungcheol I’m not an enemy and this isn’t a war-”
“I get nervous around you.” He avoided your eye. “I don’t know, I just….. I can feel my skin prickling around you but……” He glanced at where your hands met his again. “You don’t feel anything?”
“No, no I don’t but why do I make you nervous?”
Seungcheol smiled softly. “Do you really not know?”
You suppressed the grin forming on your own face. Fucking finally.
“No.” You shook your head feigning innocence. “Tell me.”
“Can I show you?”
Maybe you nodded a bit too eagerly, because Seungcheol chuckled, pushing himself up against the door, pulling you along with him. As your body pressed against his, his hands found your waist, gaze darkening. He leaned in, lips hovering over yours, whispering your name softly, like he loved the sound of it. As your breaths mingled, lightning went off behind you, the silver light illuminating his gorgeous face and all its sharp angles. Just as you moved closer, eyes fluttering shut, Seungcheol cleared his throat.
“Y/n I’m sorry, I forgot that it’s late and we have training at 4 tomorrow.” He muttered, drawing his hands away. “You should sleep. I can’t excuse your lateness everyday.”
And yet again Choi Seungcheol left you completely baffled as he opened the door behind him and walked in, away from you.
Next Chapter
a/n - please send me your thoughts - this kind of writing is waaaay out of my comfort zone, I need to know I'm not completely messing shit up and if I missed you in the taglist, please lmk!
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Reaction images aside, how are you holding up?
Aww, thanks for asking. :P
To be honest, I'm probably doing better than most. I'm a healthy cishet white man who lives in the UK, so I don't have nearly as much to worry about as I know a lot of people do. (Also hey, I'm enjoying the new Dragon Age game, so that's been nice.) But I also know what kind of ramifications this election is bound to have, both inside the US and beyond.
(I mean, the world's biggest democracy is getting overtly more hostile and authoriarian in real time (y'know. again), and I know on this side of the pond we've got some real brain donors who'd love to see something similar happen here. I'm worried about what Trump could do once he's back in charge, and I'm worried about what might happen to my own country, with it's 'special relationship' to the US, as a result. And I'm not alone in that.
All this on a fuckin' Wednesday...)
Anyway, I had a longer thing written out here about the concept of orthopraxis (just while I was trying to get my thoughts in order, lmao) but the core of what I want to say is this:
I think we're about to see an uptick in people being shitty
I'm going to counter that by doing un-shitty things
What do I mean by un-shitty things? Well, I've been meaning to participate in Amnesty International's 'Write For Rights' campaign for months - I just fired off my first email today. I've already donated to causes supporting Gaza in the past, but now I'm also planning to write to my local MP about how annoyed I am that my country is still culpable in genocide. Make my voice heard, you know? I also want to keep making art that people enjoy, because I think that's important. And I'm going to buy another commission from an artist I like, because they could probably use something good in their life right now. And... to be honest, I'm not sure what else I'll do yet. When I figure it out, though, I'll try and actually do it.
Maybe for you, un-shitty things mean something smaller scale. Hugging your loved ones for longer, or giving that loose change you always carry around to the next homeless person you see. That's good too. Maybe it's something larger in scale, and that's awesome! But to anyone who's reading this, I'd definitely recommend doing something that not only feels good, but is also TANGIBLE. Not only does doing feel good, but it means that you're improving someone else's life, in however small a way. Which, y'know. Net positive, innit.
(Yes, I'm aware this is basically the 'when you see someone being so mean it inspires you to be kinder meme', lmao. No, I don't really care.)
You asked me how I'm holding up? Well, the first thing I'd like to do is respond to your question in kind: how are you holding up? In a general sense? In specific ways? Hopes, anxieties, plans?
And the next thing I'm going to do is tell you that I'm more than holding up.
I'm locking in.
#GODDAMNIT this one turned out longer than I wanted it to. Fuck. ah well. I'm a terminal yapper this was pretty much inevitable#also still gonna be runnning the blog obvs#I've got a real good selection of images still in the folder#and my loyal minion is still making incremental progress on giving everything we've already posted alt text#but yeah! Praxis#as much as I would love to make Elon and Trump and Vance's lives miserable it's just not feasible for me#gonna just be nice to some people instead#(and maybe find ways to make life more difficult for Farage and Banedoch and Yaxley-Lennon#and some of our other home-grown cunts. Yaknow. If I'm feeling spiteful)#not a pic#someone asked me a thing!
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How would the ddlc ladies react to their partner telling motioning them over, only to be kissed on the forehead and called a good girl?
The ddlc girls' reaction to being kissed and praised
M/n:thanks for requesting someth-
A/n:Monika....what are you doing in my author's note?
M/n:it's been ages since you wrote something about me, I just wanted to thank the anon for requesting
A/n:they didn't request you specifically you know?
M/n:I'm sure they did that to not make the other girls feel bad, I'm definitely their favorite
A/n:just get out this is already too long
M/n:No way, not only do you not write anything about me for so long, but you also forbid me from breaking the fourth wall? That's literally my thing
A/n:Fine, I guess you can stay here when I write ddlc stuff if the readers are fine with it
M/n:hehe, good boy
A/n:...........
M/n:what? It fit with the post
Monika
It's me ˆᵕˆ
What did I tell you?
Is confused at first but just giggles and accepts it
She quickly kisses you back, on the lips this time, and you just start making out passionately
She also praises you back for how well you kissed her
"Hm? What is it darling?"
Before Monika could say anything else, you kiss her on the forehead
"Good girl"
She stands there for a second before a teasing smile appears on her face, and she giggles
"Oh, I see. Well, since I'm such a good girl"
She hugs you closer to her and whispers in your ear seductively
"Then you be good too and give me a real kiss"
She kisses you passionately as you two fall on the bed and wrap your arms around each other while making out
Yuri
Yuri.exe stopped working.......genuinely you might have broken her
She was already blushing when you kissed her, and she went the reddest you had ever seen her when you praised her
When her brain fully processed what you just said and did, she just fainted from emotion
"Is something wrong y/n?"
Yuri blushed as you got close, and her cheeks got even hotter when she felt your lips on her forehead
"Good girl"
Her brain short circuited when she heard you say that, she mumbled an incoherent string of words struggling to come up with a response
"E-eh....w-ha d-did you- just......w-what w-why-"
When she finished, she fell on the bed with an even redder face
"A-are you ok yuri?"
Sayori
She blushes for a bit before thanking you and kissing you on the cheek as thanks
Meanwhile, in her mind, she's processing all that:it actually felt really good when you called her good girl, you helped her discover she might have a thing for being praised
After this, she'll try to do more stuff for you in hopes that she'll get praised for it. It's really adorable
"What's up babe?"
"Oh, nothing, just wanted to do this"
You kissed sayori's forehead and she blushed but still kept her beaming smile
"Good girl"
"E-eh?"
"Oh, sorry do you not like that?"
"N-no......actually I kinda liked it.....a lot"
Sayori started playing with her fingers and blushing more, you giggled and pat her head
"You're such a good girl, you know that?"
"T-thanks"
Natsuki
She kinda ignored you when you first motioned her over, but eventually went where you were
She blushed so much when you kissed her, and when you praised her, she might have considered slapping you
She'll try to act mad at you for giving her unprompted affection, but she easily caved when you hugged her and started to cuddle (she's just a grumpy cat fr)
"*sighs* what is it?"
"Finally!"
"If it was something important, you could have used your words"
"Well, you still came so"
You pressed your lips on her forehead and watched as her face became as pink as her hair
"I guess you're still a good girl"
"W-what did you just call me you idiot?"
"Good girl, is there a problem with that?"
"Y-yeah there is, don't call me like that again dummy"
"I dunno, I think you liked it~"
"S-SHUT UP!"
#doki doki literature club x reader#doki doki literature club#x reader#ddlc x reader#ddlc#monika x reader#monika#ddlc monika#monika ddlc#ddlc monika x reader#monika ddlc x reader#yuri#yuri ddlc#ddlc yuri#yuri x reader#yuri ddlc x reader#ddlc yuri x reader#sayori x reader#sayori#ddlc sayori x reader#ddlc sayori#sayori ddlc#sayori ddlc x reader#natsuki#natsuki x reader#natsuki ddlc#ddlc natsuki#natsuki ddlc x reader#ddlc natsuki x reader#gn reader
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maoe rj8sthe utnro pist
seems to be a popular demand so alright☝️
Welcome to my blog cunts and bitches /lh
My name is Jana, or circe call me either idm
She/they/he like literally any pronouns I could not care nor do I mind
poly, bisexual,
BIGGEST GREEN APPLE HATER ON THIS BLOCK🗣🗣💯
📷 || 📍 || 🎵 || 🎧 || click for palestine ||
More about me!
Interests: marauders, five nights at freddies, Greek mythology, deranged old stories, gory books or gory shows, cannibalism as a concept/metaphor, murder massacres, true crime, fun facts, outer banks, the hunger games, human rights, politics, music, I'll add when I think of more
Dislikes: uhh lowk idk you guys tell me idk myself
Hates: GREEN FUCKING APPLES. GREEN APPLES
my people <3
@garden-of-runar my platonic partner, my sun, my poet, the melody to my kuromi, the bunny to my fox, the remus/james to my sirius, the loml (/p) ITS RUNAR GUYS RAHHH chaotic but wonderful nonetheless 💞💞💞 meeting them was a pleasure and honor🗣 andandandnad guys you need to check runar out she's a wonderful person to know
@definitionoffuckup AL❗️❗️ AL ALLEY HI AL al is wonderful and amazing and lowkey kinda scary sometimes with absolute no sense of Internet safety but they're wonderful anyways, also one of my favorites on here I lobe al sosososo much guys you should go check them out
@starkissed-mars UGH MARS I LOBE MARS AND I LORV TALKING TO MARS mars is lowkey kinda the evan to my barty, freakiest person I've met, one of my favorite people on here HI MARSSS HI MAZZY☝️☝️, hashtag freakymars who? Hehehehehehrh has some issues but he's so wonderful its insane EVERYONE SAY WE LOEBF TOU MARS❗️
@eef-stars ETHANN our local furry, music taste that lowkey gives me whiplash, I'm sosososososo glad I met him and he really is fucking amazing, lowk older brother core, MAJOR LOVERBOY SYNDROME it's insanely adorable
@kawaiibarty FUCKING MASTER AT WRITING GUYS GO CHECK OUT HIS FICS THEYRE AMAZING, so deranged I'm lowk scared of him/j, JAMES IS SO POOKIE LOWK GUYS also also one of my favorites on here I'm very glad I met him he really is fantastic and that is a FACT, also major loverboy syndrome those two are so gay
@fkufather TWIN WHERE HABE YOU BEEN, guys thats js barty, no joke it's just barty, barty crouch jr who? Lowk twin, his existence strangles me from the inside out/j, your still on my blog ☹️💞
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@hershey-not-the-chocolate-maybe HERSHEYEYEYDHDUDB I LOBE HERSHEY THEYRE WODNERFUL AND THEY MATCH MY MORBIDNESS AND LOWK IF THEY WENT INSANE I WOULDNT BE SUPRISED? anyways guys hershey is amazing
@cheekyboybeth THE CHAPPEL TO MY OLIVIA, guys this is ugh I have no words to describe them I lobe juno sososososksosoksososos much and and I'm sosososososososos glad ive met them and and and they're literally an evan rosier variant idc but juno is lit wonderful and is a great friend and waited wonderful fics
@here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHR GUYS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOBE TALKING TI THEM, LIKE THE WAY MY FACE LIGHTS UP IN GENUINE JOU WHEENEVER I SEE THEM AROUND, bomb music taste literally amazing, they're amazing in general, everything about them is amazing, literally the embodiment of cool ™
@gasolinehornet NOAH OMG NOAH I CAN LITERALLY NEVER SHUT UP ABT NOAH, most out of pocket person I've met but I love talking with him either way, he's such a sweetheart at heart and he's a wonderful person to know, also has a bomb music taste.
@insertmatsbloghere UH MAT☝️☝️ GUYS a literal embodiment of sunset, literal embodiment of summer too☝️☝️ I have not known mat for a long long time but am very glad ive met him, he's a very nice person lowk and so fun to talk to and very funny guys lowklowk
@thatoneslytherinnerd bartys brain BUT ALSO SOSOSOSOS MUCH MORE THAN THAT, a wonderful person that I have not known for long but am honored to know nonetheless
TELL ME IF YOU WANNA BE ADDED OR REMOVED PLEASE❗️❗️❗️
Moodboards (will link here)
#Ties and stars☆#<<for goodnight posts#Goldfish#Hashtag freakymars#<<interactions with mars#chaotic gardens of deer and bunnies#<<FOR RUNAR#I'll add more tags as I go#Ugh this took a long time#Intro
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Astarion's Journal
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Hey everyone, Last time, I wrote a letter from Cazador's perspective. To better understand this letter, make sure to check out my first fanfiction. Letter from Cazador If you like it, please let me know I'm not sure if I should keep writing more. So, what do you think? ❤️ ____________________________________________ To Cazador, I can hardly believe I’m writing this letter, but here we are. After our fight, when I found your… well, let’s call it an oddly obsessive love letter, I was furious. I won’t lie. But Tav suggested I should respond. Not that Tav always has the smartest ideas, but at least Tav managed to lead us straight to you and ultimately, to your lifeless body. Tav thinks writing down my thoughts might help me heal faster, maybe even start a journal. Normally, I’d scoff, I’m not a 12-year-old nor, for that matter, Halsin. But honestly, if anyone in our group is the journaling type, I’d have bet on Wyll. He looks like the sort who’d dance his feelings out, probably looking like a spider in a fire while doing it. No one’s got the heart to tell him he’s a terrible dancer. I wanted to, but Lae’zel gave me a look that said everything. Anyway, back to the journal. Who even has time for one? We’re here to kill an Elder Brain, after all. But speaking of Halsin, Tav handed me his old journal since we couldn’t find a blank one, so I tore out some pages and claimed it. We found it in Grove, and he hasn’t missed it since. I’d call that a cheeky solution. He can go hug some trees if he’s feeling out of sorts. You should have seen how well I can imitate him! But let’s get to the point, Cazador. Every time I say your name, Tav tells me I sound like a hissing cobra. Where was I? Ah, yes. your stupid letter. Let me start by saying this: I am not a victim. You were the victim, Cazador. You never managed to break free from your own twisted cycle. And even though every part of me despises you, I almost pity you. No one was there to help when we killed you, and no one will miss you. It’s as if you never existed. No power, no love…nothing. While I may have first manipulated people out of fear, they’re with me now by choice. They believe in me, especially Tav. It’s hard to believe, but they actually love me. That’s something you never had, not even at the end. And that’s why I’ll always be more than you ever were. I mean, I’m alive. I survived, and you’re dead. What more could I want? Well, besides killing this wretched Elder Brain. And I’ll admit, I savor the thought that, in your final moments, you were penning that ridiculous letter, thinking I’d come to you driven by fear as always. It’s a delightful thought, realizing just how much power I had over you. I have my body and my life back. And yes, you were right…I have trust issues, fair point, but I have all the time in the world to rebuild that trust. And I will trust again. By the way, boiling down Vellioth’s skull and stuffing his rules into his mouth? Hilarious. I briefly thought about what I could do to you, but I’ve decided you’re not worth any more of my energy. This letter will be the last thought I give you. I will heal, slowly. Sure, you’ll haunt my dreams, but time heals everything. Even if I could’ve done without your “special treatment,” it made me the person who’s ready to take down an Elder Brain. Now I have a reason to fight again. You were always driven by fear, you poor, pathetic thing. So, what can I say, darling? Rot in hell. Oh, and by the way, I drank your wine and sold your art. Your taste was always abysmal. Astarion P.S. Halsin just walked by and noticed his old journal. Said it looked “familiar.” I guess I’ll find somewhere else to write next time.
#bg3 astarion#baldurs gate 3#astarion#bg3 fic#bg3 fanfiction#astarion simp#bg3 cazador#cazador szarr#baldurs gate 3 cazador#cazador x astarion#astarion fanfic#bg3#baldurs gate#fanfic#bg3 spoilers#bg3 letter#bg3 original character#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gates astarion#hate cazador#the pale elf#bg3 simp#astarion ancunin#bg3 tav#baldurs gate tav#tav#halsins journal#astarions journal#purplebubblywitch#baldurs gate simp
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{ 05.11.24 } · { 50 days of routine } · { day 7 }
I was never “popular” at school. Not that I ever cared to be. I don't have the personality for it. And I don't really care to have the personality for it either. I'm not and never will be That Girl™ material, a “high-value woman”, or whatever feminine persona is trendy on TikTok these days (and i'm not even ON TikTok, but ofc the trends spread everywhere like wildfire) because I don't look the part (nor do I want to...i quite like my personal style) or think or speak or act the way she would if it goes against my values and/or it won't actually improve my wellbeing. I say I don't care. And I really truly don't because a lot of it and what it leads to is straight-up problematic for my personal case, running counter to the life I want to live and all my reasons why. But as with anything, being yourself has its pros and cons.
Sometimes I still feel like it's hard to truly belong anywhere...even the places I make for myself like this blog... Sometimes when I feel like this, I feel like the only place I most belong is in my head. It's not good. That's not where I need to be, nor do I need to be much concerned about trends on social media and what drives people to follow them. And I certainly don't need to compare myself to anyone else. I need to be in the real world and focused on my work only because I think it's worth it and because I think I'm worth it as I am.
I'm not sure why I felt like saying this.
~~~Friendly PSA: STOP 🖐🏻 scrolling social media of any kind when feeling low in self-esteem.~~~
got up at 7, continued filling in the CBT workbook then decided to move my answers elsewhere because the annotating feature in the ebook app is getting annoying, started my day at 8 with the usual minimalist morning routine
10/30 mins of the same beginner pilates workout i did a few days ago except i forgot to breathe and ended up so light-headed i couldn't go anymore...
filling in CBT workbook because i can't get the reflection questions out of my head until i answer them... 😣 so far, nothing new has been revealed to me, but in the busy-ness of the day-to-day, i tend to neglect ALL the other dimensions of my life and then forget that that's why i feel so shitty and the problem is the self-prompted reflection i tend to do at this time carries a lot of negativity and pessimism and comparison and judgment and it's not very organized, it's actually not organized at all, it's always just a word vomit. but when i do it now, with the tone of the categorized prompts not being judgy at all, i'm able to look at my problems more objectively and holistically and like "oh okay, i'm not doing as bad in this dimension as i thought and the REAL problem is this other dimension of life and all the specific things you mention are lacking here" and idk, sometimes i think it's weird that my brain works this way, it's like i was looking at the same picture the entire time and all i had to do was turn it a bit to the left for it to make sense. is this how brains normally work? 😅
finished last week's microbio module
researching for global health assignment...will begin writing tmr 😅👍
finished section 1/2 of last week's immunology module and started the loooong second section 🥴👍
🎧 some nights – fun.
@zzzzzestforlife tagged me to do this picrew! it was fun. and it's so coincidental that i've been thinking about ghosts lately! the past versions of us that we follow without question when they tell us what to do, what not to do, and what we should aspire for... ☁️ sometimes those ghosts are right...and sometimes they're just plain toxic.
tagging @whenmemoriesfrost @chemblrish @ecologie-txt @winryrockbellwannabe @obakanosandoitchi if you want to :)
#idk sometimes navigating social media feels like navigating another school playground 🤷🏻♀️#studyblr#studyspo#study aesthetic#mental health#study motivation#study inspiration#late night thoughts#popularity#becoming that girl#pilates girl#pilates princess#wonyoungism#that girl#it girl#clean girl#astudentslifebuoy#high value woman#heydilli#heyfrithams#studyingwithmila#100dop#therapy#mental wellness#mental health matters#cognitive behavioral therapy#100 days of productivity#100 days of studying#100 days of self discipline#50 days of routine
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if you want a little something from the stupid asshole astarion ( he has a modern verse *squinty eyes*) , feel free to like. if you want someone else from the roster, you can comment !
#i'm here to write my brain is just telling me#no video games write pls so i'm here#but bg3 is so good i'm late to the party but idc lmfao#me asking astarion who he's interested in: ^_^#him: definitely not YOU#me: crawls into my bed dejected LMFAO#he's so funny the sass is overwhelming it cracks me up#i've also been running on very low amount of sleep#but i feel like i can focus so hi hi hi <3#* ⟢ 𝐎𝐎𝐂 ━ ( clench your asshole super tight & scream it from your heart )
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This AV Club comment is making me so desperate to write a romcom, you have no idea.
#adventures in writing#the trouble is that the idea begins and ends with 'romcom!'#the same way my desire to write mysteries would be 'they solve a mystery!' and i'd have no idea what the mystery was#there's this idea that keeps niggling me#from back when i was just braindumping potential elements i might want to make use of in an inklings story#and looking back at it later the list elements of 'arranged marriage' and 'rom com' stuck out#as well as a world that involves politics and mermaids#and my brain keeps trying to tell me this is a viable idea while providing zero plot or characters#see the thing about rom coms is that they require detailed characters who need their own arcs#the thing i'm bad at!#so it's hard to fulfill this writing craving because all my brainstorming instincts to start with the plot work against me here
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people around me online are always disclosing their kinks, like by writing fic about them or writing posts about them or reblogging the same photo of lee pace thirty times. but i can't do that. because my kink is embarrassing
#like i'm self aware enough to know that i'm actually extraordinarily vanilla except for like idk. genderplay stuff. is that even not vanilla#if you're also trans for real? i might just be describing the concept of having a sex life while trans maybe.#and yet. actually describing any specifics of what i mean or what this is about make me certain that you will all quietly cancel me#in the privacy of your brains#for being morally suspect.#and i'm not. morally suspect. but only i know that#sorry getting back into writing fic a lot is really causing me to fly close to the sun here#i mgiht tell someone information. or suggest they read my fanfiction#or write fanfiction about sex and then suggest somebody read it#and that would be fucked. just disastrous#box opener#don't worry i'm also embarrassed about being vanilla. i have a lot of range
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Sometimes I find myself thinking about Din Djarin a little too much that I get concerned and think that I really should go to therapy...
Well, I'm finally doing that (again) tomorrow... :)
Feeling pretty nervous about it but hoping that because I now know I'm autistic it will help me understand/explain things a little better! Hopefully this is the start of a journey to finally become a healthier, happier version of myself :)
#the waiting list was surprisingly short so i'm excited i just hope that they understand neurodivergency#because cbt doesn't work for my brain and i hope they don't try and force a square peg in a round hole so to speak#i want emdr eventually but i have to go through several stages first it seems and it sucks i wish i could afford private therapy#but i also just wish the nhs just fucking functioned lol#anyway that was a lot of acronyms but there we go#having ptsd sucks that's part of why i love din a lot because i can weirdly relate to him. also mando came into my life when i needed it#and as corny as it sounds knowing i can make some silly little gifs and write about the tin can helps regulate me after a draining events#so knowing i can do that whatever happens tomorrow is nice :) oR TODAY it's past midnight here what is a sleeping pattern#anyway once again i just really love din djarin but now no one can tell me to gO TO THERAPY ANYMORE BC OF IT ALSSNJSSK#personal#text post#just autism things
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Still alive, writing and editing a lot and even drawing (mostly dragon sketches at work). Seasons has some new chapters now... I saw something earlier about writing being something you can hone by doing lots of reading and writing. I wonder when that will apply to me. I've read a lot of books this year. I have almost hit my goal of 90 books, and while a couple are nonfiction and half are comics, the rest are novels. I expect that to increase again, now that I'm going back to the library. (I stopped with the bed bug scare.) Then I'm setting aside time each week to write. I work on stories at work, even if it's mostly just planning. (My laptop is falling apart so I just gave up taking it to work.) Yet here I am, still the same idiot who doesn't have anything appealing enough for most people to read. I can't get 99% of my followers interested. Sales of Geckos have dropped to next-to-nothing. Nothing else I put out there matters either. The fault lies with me. I'm not good enough. After having this stupid blog for 12 years, I want to delete it. I want to delete my twitter account. I want to delete every single account and shut up for good. There is nothing I can offer. My writing is a good hobby for me. I can get pats on the head for doing a little thing for myself. Aww, look at the cute little dumbass adult doing wittle storwies!!! Isn't that silly!!! They're not good, but he's having fun during the process. Too bad he hasn't figured out that not even 39 more years of practice can save what he's handing out.
#people lied about “once you have confidence nothing can take it away”#nah that shit can get killed when you're a fucking pitiful fool like me!#until the day when I actually make something that's important to anyone this is just me being a child-brained idiot scribbling words down#I used to think I was semi-decent... I did before Rascal but figured Rascal was inferior to my usual work#Then I felt bad about my writing bc of discouragement and locked my work up#felt a surge of confidence a couple of weeks before I started Seasons tho#then had some confidence after that until 2023 (lots of bad shit happened that year)#it evaporated quickly but I tried to maintain some#and now it's just like... me trying to pretend and “fake it till you make it” has never worked for me#but let's be real: the more I showed I liked myself the more bothersome that was for some people I was close to#and it's better to tear me down than lift me up#so I guess the problem is that I just don't belong in the writing world with anyone else#I'll never be good enough and I'm frankly too mentally fucking delayed to have figured it out (like everything else)#hahahahaha people keep telling me I'm autistic and my brother is autistic and my parents refused a diagnosis for me when the Dr mentioned i#and here I am probably too autistic to have ever figured out a damn thing except that I'm pretty good at reading and liking stuff!#but not skilled at anything else#just a reader and worthless as anything else#oh and I guess crocheting but I want none of you to have that part of me ever again
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#i think i first listened to this song around the time Behind The Codes became an official project#My brain probably associated the feelings of excitement and fear with the song so ig that's why I love it so much#On one side. I love working on the Behind The Codes#there's an overwhelming amount of ways to tell this story: brainstorming. designing. animating. writing and rewriting until your brain-#starts to fry and get foggy with so many ideas. its both good and stressful to push your limits like this#On another side. I'm constantly anxious about it#I've always been afraid to admit the things I enjoy as well as the things that i create#You don't allow yourself to create and embrace new things even when you're essentially alone#and yes I'm aware of the fact that there will be people who won't enjoy the series- which isn't what bothers me#What bothers me is that I might regret certain decisions#'This is not the message I wanted to convey'#'This is not the story I wanted to tell'#The decision to share this song here is the clearest example of what I mean:#Part of me says: this song is so btc oh my god please put it at the end credits wait THERE IS A 2ND PART OF IT AND IT'S EVEN COOLER OOOAAAA#then there's the main thought: this song is so stupid. it's so corny in a way it makes me uhghu7ujhkjg..#i won against my negative thoughts today. yay#this whole post is just me rambling and being anxious. i dont even know what to say hjdsfbwjkefkdsf#bye :waves:#starbstalks
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one of these days i'm going to write up all that i've changed from azzarello's bullshit era and the one (1) piece i've kept from milligan (and also changed) and the only thing currently stopping me is that it is going to be so, so inside-baseball incomprehensible. and i almost never want to go reading/screencapping azzarello and milligan to add references but i Want to add references.
canon is goop, just know that we continue to ride the bus down "hellblazer ended at #250 and looks like swiss cheese before that" street.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#i'm doing page maintenance before i fuck off to work rip it's got me thinking#anyway i think i said WAY back on this blog that a side goal of mine is to make hellblazer lore accessible to non-comic readers where i can#bc it's such a Heavy comic & i love it so much & i always felt Terrible recommending it to people only for them to be disgusted#and like. @ past me that particular goal is NOT as easy as you thought it would be lmao#esp because i have a habit of getting VERY detail-oriented when it comes to talking about hellblazer i think#but by GOD it's still a goal. i can put in some motherfucking references here and there when i talk about The Lore#like. azzarello's writing style never translates well for me in synopsis bc he Loves to put the audience in the outside perspective#where we are bystanders/with the rest of the bystanders to constantine's actions and not to his motivations/inner monologue#and i HATE that. hellblazer has ALWAYS been about what this guy has going on underneath the masked exterior#all the things you can't say out loud when you're queer and working class trying to survive in 70s-80s-90s england#but that you FEEL with your WHOLE fucking chest. how that feeling drives you to enjoy little rebellions wherever you can get them#(also azzarello just fucking Sucks LMAO but i'm talking style rn)#so i end up relying on frusin's art to tell the story a little more bc i think he understands the Theatre of constantine's public persona#and when that theatre is Absent then it's really REALLY noticeable. so frusin keeps me in it most of the time#and if i'm digging into frusin art then i'm Going to want to compare it to older panels bc i like body language consistency#milligan on the other hand has NOTHING to save his sorry ass bc his writing is drop-jaw fucking terrible AND the artist seems to like it#but the loss of john's thumb being tied to his mental health (ignoring the bullshit with shade) has always felt. important to me somehow id#anyway MUCH thinking about my favorite loser on this about-to-be-annoying day shdjksd he has been done so dirty#hellblazer brain go brrrr
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okay, so, I've collected a bunch of DP fandom stuff that I remember off the top of my head, specifically in chronological order & colour coded here in this post (fics/comics, tumblr posts, important imo) for no reason other than I saw a post asking for Phandom history & it triggered my biggest, most long-running hyperfixation & now I'm curious if anyone else remembers stuff.
this link is going to be the permanent version I will be updating, but I'm posting what I currently have (gonna go through my old laptop later for more) just to let people know. you can also find the link on my blog, but only on desktop. It isn't colour coded there, sorry.
please share more if you got anything else cuz I'm 100% sure I'm missing a lot of stuff & am too interested now. the biggest reason a lot of stuff isn't here is that I simply can't find it. second biggest reason is i forgor. things not included here aren't "unimportant," this is just the first stuff that comes to mind.
putting it under a cut 'cause it got kinda long
Mars by JadeRabbyt (2005)
Checkmate by pearl84 (2006)
Conversations of a Ghost Gabber by Cordria (2006)
The Foley Maneuver by bluemoonalto (2007)
One Thousand Years by Nylah (2008)
Lab Rat by AnneriaWings (2009)
Lost by Cordria (2010?) [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
Phantom of Truth by Haiju (2011)
Ghost Deaths (2012)
Through Coals and Rain by Kakawot (2012)
Shadow of a Doubt by Haiju (2013)
Pink Pants (2013?)
Wes (2014) [original] [1] [2] [3] [4]
this "I'm Inevitable" gif (2014)
Space AU (2014)
Treading Water by The Full Catastrophe (2014)
Danny, you dead IDIOT!! comic (2014)
wash away the darkest days by anthrop (2014)
Reverse Trio (2014)
Inverse Trio (2014-2016) ALT
Halfas are "feral children" (2015)
Burn the Streets, Burn the Cars by anthrop (2015)
It's Not Gay if He's Dead by phantomrose96 (2015)
You Smell Like Death by starfleetrambo (2015)
Ghost Bird AU by @rest-in-peachs (2016?)
Things I Can(not) Do In Amity Park by RedHeadsRock1010 (2016)
KEtTLE by Cordria (2016)
Deeper, Darker by Silvermoonphantom (2016)
Danny Phantom Punches Butch Hartman In The Face by MistressVintage (2017)
Dannypocalypse (2017)
Ghost Train (2017?)
Ghost Physics by jayrockin (2017)
Ghost Infographics (2018)
The Taxonomy of Ghost Cores: An Observational Study (2018) Communicating with Ghosts Professionally: A Study (2018)
Species in Danny Phantom (2018?)
Diddles Piddles by diddly-darn-ghost (2018)
Broken Ectoplasm by ghostanimal (2019)
Ghost of Heroes by Enigmaris & ScarletNightFury (2019-2020)
do not stand at my grave and cry (i am not there, i did not die) by blueh (2020)
Undercover Phantom by artistfingers (2021)
Corruption is a Two Way Street by datawyrms (2021)
Things That Bleed by artistfingers, kkachis, & Perfectly_Inconspicuous (2022)
10,000 works on AO3 (2022)
Ghost Speak:
Danny's handwriting (2015?)
Cordria (2015)
Fiver-Rivers [1] [2] [3] (2019)
Rubber Chicken Sounds (2019)
#Danny Phantom#Phandom History Archive#do you even understand how hard it was to find the original Wes post????????#i spent like 2 hours on that alone#Wes Weston why are you so hard to find#just realizing that a lot of shit happened in 2014#like. 2014/2015 ish#i joined somewhere between 2014 & 2016 so i guess i literally came here right at the peak of phandom activity#the height of tumblr's paranormal activity. you might say#i think i'm just biased though#should i put my own fics on here. Phantom is pretty important to me being my first DP fic#& also the thing that got me back into writing#it's not very good but by god if i dont love it. & anyways i put Bird AU on here lol i think i can put Phantom up at some point. as a treat#also if any links are broken tell me cuz i'm not checking them again. it's 4am#reminder: gotta find those Bird AU fics i read & put em here. there ARE actual Bird AU fics. i know there are. i did not hallucinate that#it just might be the hardest thing on earth to do since that was years ago & i have no idea what they were called#anyway gonna add a fuckton of fics & (hopefully) tumblr posts when i go through my old laptop. i got everything bookmarked on there#like. so many fics. i had them organized too based on what kind of fic it was. but they all have stupid names cuz i was like 15#me: i should do my stencil art today. just to be a bit productive & also maybe make money#my brain: what if you organized Danny Phantom fandom posts into a big archive for people to look at? for free. until 4am.#me: you know what that sounds so much better let's do that
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#negativity#ish#(( So I've kind of had a hellish week so far#mental health-wise#and despite trying/wanting to be active on here I am just a bit emotionally exhausted and drained ))#(( I had a v bad nervous breakdown yesterday and I'm still recovering a little ))#(( and I was wondering if I could get a little positivity on here ;u;?))#(( life stuff aside--I've been feeling a little down about my muses and writing lately and idk ))#(( I know when my brain is telling me lies but at the same time knowing that doesn't always make me feel better ))
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I 1000% don't mean this in a moral judgement manner, or saying ppl aren't allowed to like evil characters, or saying that silly fandom stuff means people don't take analysis/real world parallels/whatever seriously
But honestly I have yet to experience as emotionally/mentally jarring of an effect as I did hearing about MTMTE Megatron so positively from the fandom (best Megatron ever! best character in IDW1! sad grandpa! compelling character arc! tragic villain!) only to actually read MTMTE myself and go "This guy is so fucking annoying, self-righteous, insufferable, and an asshole, what are you people talking about." ladjskfjsdalfk
Like I get that Megatron can't go from fresh off a heel-face turn to being an actual hero, and believe me I know that ppl in this continuity are almost all flawed/jerks in some way. But MTMTE Megatron was a special breed of annoying to me like. It wasn't just "he did bad things so I dislike him." In fact, the moments where Megatron regressed closer to being his old self (such as massacring the DJD during Dying of the Light) were the moments I liked him the most.
I don't really know how to describe it, bc it's not the idea of Megatron being redeemed that bothers me (I love redemption Megatron), and I'm not one of those ppl who postures about how I don't like him because his crimes are evil IRL (I literally like villain Megatron more than I like Autobot Megatron). There are characters who have done things that I found shitty/annoying but didn't have a significant reaction to besides going "omg what a jerk (chews popcorn faster eager to read more drama)". It's literally just Megatron where I have this feeling of being viscerally annoyed/pissed at every other thing he says salkfjsdkaf
#squiggposting#like i can't tell if it's maybe my logical analysis brain telling me there's something up with the writing#but that was how i felt on my FIRST full read of idw so it's not like i had full context/retrospective view to analyze it#and like i do need to emphasize that i don't dislike his writing bc i'm opposed to the idea of him being redeemed#i'm 100% a 'you can redeem any villain from any crime as long as you write it well and convincingly and satisfying' kind of person#i'm not here to morally grandstand about how i like problematic characters BUT NOT THAT PROBLEMATIC#it's just. i can't really put my finger on why he in particular pisses me off#is it specifically bc of the contrast between fanon and the way he's talked about vs what actually happens in canon?#like basically i got falsely advertised so M annoys me more specifically bc he didn't live up to what i heard? idk
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