#i'm gonna post act 1 as soon as i'm able

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

Thinking about Wooly in When You Feel Bad

Okay so like... everyone noticed that Wooly was acting kind of funny in the "When You Feel Bad" Tape right? Here's some things I noticed... just note there is a LOT of detail put into this tape so I'm definitely not going to be able to notice and cover everything... I don't even think a post that long would fit in the tumblr text limit...

Anyway first thing I noticed is that right after he says, "How about an Adventure?" he looks directly at the camera. Everything about how he says this feels very scripted. But the interesting thing is... his face immediately changes to one of nervousness or unease as soon as his finishes this sentence and his eyes slowly turn in her direction, BEFORE Amanda even says anything. Almost like he knows that this is not what Amanda wants or needs right now, so it's gonna piss her off. However, it's probably what the SHOW needs, in order for the episode to continue.

Before I continue, I'd like to share a little theory. I think the narrator's story might actually be the correct scripted one the episode was meant to read. Hameln does enjoy subtle but slightly harmful messaging, and telling a friend a sad story to cheer them up might be one of them. I think Wooly was supposed to start the story and the narrator was supposed to continue it (with our help). Because otherwise, why would the narrator be there at all if Wooly was supposed to tell the story? If that's the case, why isn't our script-loving Wooly following the script?

I have two theories:

1. First off, if you answer "tragedy" or "sad" for your favorite type of story, Wooly glances at Amanda (who doesn't appear to be paying attention) and says "We don't like those kinds of stories AT ALL." But... this is lie. We know Amanda likes these stories. So that means... the one who really doesn't like them is Wooly. His reaction to horror also implies that he has some of the trademark Hameln trauma too, though he doesn't seem to show it as much as Amanda. It's kind of a weird reaction to have honestly... like, why would the mention of the word "horror" give you flashbacks of... whatever THAT was. I've had this theory for a while now that part of the reason Wooly tries to change the subject when Amanda talks about sad stuff might simply be because HE doesn't like talking/thinking about this kind of stuff. When we answer "horror" he says he wishes he hadn't asked. In comparison, whenever Amanda remembers something about her past, like when we first mentioned Sam, she seemed confused and maybe a little suspicious of us, but she never flat out has said she regrets remembering these memories, despite how unpleasant they can be. It's a weird contrast. Almost like Amanda wants to remember and Wooly wants to forget. And he really doesn't seem to like listening to the narrator's story when it's told. It's almost like he was trying to avoid it getting told at all. In this case, it was never about cheering Amanda up and Wooly was being rather selfish here. So in order to prevent the narrator's story from getting told, he tells his own.

Which could explain why it's so bland and uncreative, considering Amanda (even in this episode alone) is shown to be the creative type of the two. She's an artist. We've never seen Wooly try and be creative before, so maybe it's just not his thing?

Another interesting thing is, Amanda goes off script quite often and the show seems to bend to her will, but for Wooly it doesn't. (in both this tape and the second In Your Neighborhood tape). It's almost like Amanda seems to get rewarded for going off script (aka in getting what she wants) and Wooly gets punished for it. But it always works for which might be why Wooly is surprised when the same doesn't work for him. But he continues to try nonetheless, trying to get HIS story back on track.

He continues to tell the story wrong ON purpose. Probably hoping he can get the show to play along, the way it always does for Amanda. But it FAILS again. Wooly starts to get frustrated and eventually realizes we're the ones messing with his story. When he asks us to at least TRY and go along with his story, he sounds annoyed which we don't get often from Wooly. So anyway that's theory 1.

Theory 2 goes a bit deeper.

To preface this, I don't 100% believe in this theory I could be wrong but I just want to put the idea on the table. It started with this detail I noticed and found REALLY interesting.

When the narrator says "the knight slew the dragon, not knowing they were killing their true love" Wooly looks at his hands with this weird, wide-eyed expression, while Amanda says the knight is going to regret that.

I've always thought his reaction here was a little strange. Like it didn't make sense. But what if this line is implying something about Wooly? I do think that this story is a metaphor for something, but it isn't a word-for-word representation of what happened. It is simply a SAD STORY to cheer Amanda up. But bits and pieces of it may remind Amanda and Wooly both of events that happened in their life. Amanda might relate to being separated from someone she cares about and to being turned into a monster (in her case, the demon) without her consent. But Wooly might relate to other things. For this scene in particular maybe he hurt someone he really cared about in a way he couldn't take back and really regrets that? (like the knight killing their true love, killing someone is something that cannot be undone). Once again, I don't think it's supposed to be a one-to-one thing. This line could even be hinting at Amanda and Wooly's falling out. Amanda tells us in the final tape that Wooly did something to betray her trust. Wooly and Amanda used to be best friends. So maybe Wooly did something that really hurt Amanda, something that could not be taken back. Something that ultimately made him lose his best friend and he regrets that. In multiple scenes in this series, Wooly seems to look sad or guilty when Amanda shows anger towards him or says they aren't friends anymore. So it's very possible that this is the case. That said, another common theme with Wooly is that he doesn't seem to enjoy looking at or talking about subjects that make him uncomfortable. (When Amanda talks about death, he seems extremely uncomfortable, when they watch the cat eat the bird he says he feels like he's going to be sick and his constant changing the subject routine that happens throughout the series). So this story, that might in some way remind him of a mistake he made might be something he doesn't want to hear. He doesn't want to be reminded that he screwed up in a way he can't take back, he doesn't want to hear it.

Side note, when Wooly suggests that finishing the story might cheer her up, she doesn't object, she sits back down and looks at him (albeit still pretty upset) and waits for him to continue.

As the narrator's story continues Wooly starts to seem really angry about it. And then he starts getting really like emotionally bent out of shape. Then there's the whole, "There was a big battle, the brave knight prevailed and then-" and Wooly stops, once again having this weird look on his face. Like this got too personal.

Wooly goes on to talk about how the Knight saves the princess and they live happily ever after.

I think this could imply that at one point or another, Wooly had some sort of chance to do something to help Amanda or save her from her fate. A chance he didn't take. Maybe this didn't even happen while they were trapped, but beforehand and Amanda found out later and got reasonably upset. In any case, it does feel like Wooly may be projecting to an extent. Maybe even trying to subtly tell Amanda that he's sorry, and he doesn't like how their story went. Something that Amanda clearly didn't pick up on. This would be interesting since it's not the first time the game or it's characters have tried to tell us something subtly through a story. Amanda did it through the lonely kitten and the farm animals. I'm not 100% sure that's what is going on here, but I am acknowledging the possibility. Regardless of what Wooly was trying to do, the true ending to this is that he fails.

Going off that theory, something else that add to this is the annoyance Wooly expresses when Amanda dislikes his story. He knows this isn't the story she likes, but if he were trying to tell her something with it, it'd be pretty annoying if he felt like she was ignoring that message. As Amanda keeps criticizing Wooly's story, Wooly claims he's doing his best to cheer her up. Which is a lie. This whole "I'm going to tell my own story" is incredibly selfish and misguided on Wooly's part. Amanda clearly isn't getting the point or liking the story. Even if Wooly was trying to hide some apology in this story, it still doesn't make it okay for him to activitely ignore Amanda's feelings. Besides, even if he is trying to apologize, the apology itself probably comes off a bit mockingly? Like... "I wish our lives didn't completely suck, I wish I had done something about it when I had the chance. But I'll never actually say it to your face." Another thing- Wooly clearly seems to feel genuninely bad about whatever he did to Amanda- but he has never even TRIED to apologize to her!!!

Amanda asking "why doesn't the dragon just put her out of her misery?" I think this adds to my other theory that Amanda just wants to be out of here. She wants to bring an end to what feels like an endless nightmare.

Idk if this post makes ANY sense and like there are so many more details that I could uncover I just wanted to share these two little theories. I do actually really like the idea that Wooly might actually be trying to hint at an apology in changing the sad story to a happy one but I'm probably thinking too deeply about this. Anyway I just wanted to share my thoughts! Hope you enjoy!

Bonus:

But I thought Wooly says he doesn't like scary stuff? I mean it's just a dragon so it isn't really scary but this was kinda weird of him right?

Is this a spelling error or is it intentional and somehow important? Genuinely asking.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for calling a (now ex-) mutual a stingy asshole?

So to start, I (NB20) am in a pretty rough situation, I'm facing homelessness soon, transphobia at home and work and my hours have been getting cut resulting in me making even less money that can sustain me. I have a toyhou.se forum post up stating I have emergency commissions open to help me out and to please support me if you can. This is where the situation begins. I have a mutual on toyhou.se who I'll call Apple (MTF22) I talk to sometimes to the point I'd say we are friends, not super close but friends nonetheless. She made a bulletin telling people about my commissions and to please comm me if they could which I'm very grateful for since I did get a few customers from her because of that. The thing is, a few weeks later, she made a bulletin talking about how happy she was so many commissions she bought were finished around the same time and posted all of them with the artists tagged in the post. It was honestly... quite a few, I'm talking like 9 pieces of art of her fursona and even a custom vtuber model she got of her sona. I was going to reply all happy for her, but it made me think... how much did she spend on those commissions?? So I went through all the artists socials to find their commission prices and came to a total of fucking $385!!! More than half of my current goal I'm trying to make through commissions to stay out of homelessness!! So I messaged Apple saying since I saw she bought a few commissions if she was interested in buying a comm from me. She replies saying "Ohh! I'd love to <333 but im just not in a place to buy any more comms right now :< sorry >.<!!" So I casually reply really? because it seems like your in the perfect place to help me out after already spending over $300 in commissions. She tells me she's sorry and really wishes someone would be able to help me out but she just wasn't that interested in my art or a custom to which I tell her she could've easily donated to my ko-fi which I have always had since she clearly has money to spend? To this, she straight up IP blocks me. So still fucking annoyed, I vented in a discord server I share with a few friends from being in a few shared CS together, saying how annoying it is rich assholes like her would drop half a thousand for a picture of their fursona but don't even blink twice at their so called friends. anyway, one of my friends takes a look at Apples th profile and notices she has a new bulletin up and sends me a screenshot, but anways the bulletin reads like "hey!! just saying, but please dont come into my dms acting like you know my financial situation better than i do, just because i buy a lot of commissions doesnt mean im made of money! and please dont think that me commisioning artist 1 means i hate artist 2? thats so weird, thanks!!!!!" and seeing all their subscribers just kissing her ass pissed me off so i made my own bulletin that just stated "i thought it was pretty fucking weird to know how bad ur friend's situation was and to go buy a bunch of comms instead of buying a comm from or even throwing a buck to help me out? like yeah im gonna think i know ur situation better than u, you stingy fuck!!!" Anyway, she mustve been block evading (which I reported her for) since she unblocked me, took a screenshot of my bulletin, then went on about how she lived in an abusive household; her dad had thrown her into a sink and chipped her tooth, bruised half her face and scarred it pretty badly. She bought a bunch of commissions immediately afterwards in a panic to make herself feel better, paying everything with her savings. Which to me.. isn't an excuse. Ive been hit and abused and still found scraps of money to pull together to give to mutuals who need it and Ive been bumping my own post like crazy and she had literal weeks to donate or comm me. Not to mention Ive had exmutuals of hers come to me saying that shes never donated anything to them either despite advertising their posts but always had money for plushies, comms and other crap, meaning Im not alone in thinking shes a stingy asshole. This is getting long, so here, tumblr AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[lover-of-mine]

I just saw someone genuinely argue "as a Buddie shipper" (which I don't believe) that Buddie shouldn't happen because: their close friendship is too important, the text of the show doesn't support Eddie being gay the way it supports Buck being bi, Eddie is "not ready", and that Ryan Guzman plays Eddie "too straight" to be able to pull off acting Buddie and this feels like to me someone who doesn't actually ship Buddie but is claiming to cause they think it'll give them more credibility in criticizing it.

1) if I see one more argument about how their close male friendship is too important because of toxic masculinity and that making it romantic would ruin it I'm going to lose my marbles because this is the dumbest take. TV is FULL of vulnerable platonic male friendships - 9-1-1 is FULL of them. Also them becoming romantic does not mean they would no longer be friends.

2) So we're just pretending queer-coding doesn't exist now okay.

3) I'm sick to death of the argument of Eddie not being ready. When is he allowed to be ready??? Does he have to suffer for a decade before he's allowed to figure things out??

4) They have to be watching the show with their eyes closed to think Ryan Guzman who has been playing Eddie "Heart Eyes" Diaz for 6 seasons couldn't pull off Buddie.

I'm gonna talk about all points, but the Eddie is too straight thing drives me INSANE. Four months ago, if I said "oh, Eddie is straight, no way buddie is happening" I would have whole essays on how he's gay thrown my way before I hit post. We're talking about a character who had panic attacks about his girlfriend. Who this season had literal erectile dysfunction with another girlfriend. There is no heterosexual explanation for the way Eddie was looking at Buck during the poker game. That man looks at Buck like he's the sun, the sky, the stars, and the moon. Like Buck is somehow the best thing he ever laid eyes on. Yeah, there are threads to pull. With Buck. We only need Eddie to be into one man. And boy, do we have threads to pull there. And honestly, if you wanna see Ryan play painfully straight men, go watch anything else in his filmography, that man knows how to act painfully straight. It's not what he's doing with Eddie. This narrative that Ryan is somehow sabotaging buddie's chances is so beyond ridiculous. Personally, I don't subscribe to Eddie being strictly gay, but I legit don't care anymore as long as he's out of the closet soon give him whatever label, but even if there weren't threads to pull to make it seem like Eddie is in love with Buck, and there are a lot of them, this idea that Eddie being gay is only valid if he's a stereotypical gay man from the beginning is NUTS. Why does gay have to look a specific way to be valid for y'all? This is such a harmful point of view. You want rep but it needs to fit in this one specific box or else it's not valid? What is wrong with you?

The male friendship thing, please tell me where are we lacking vulnerable male friendships in media? Media is made of male friendships. Everything everywhere is about male characters. And Buck and Eddie dating would not negate their friendship all of a sudden. Yall do realize you're supposed to like the person you're dating, right? Isn't literally everyone on the planet telling everyone to marry their best friend? How would that ruin their friendship? It just makes them a stronger couple because they have that foundation. And there literally isn't a show or movie that had two guy best friends who weren't introduced as queer who started dating. Literally, does not exist in media, how would losing exactly one friendship suddenly destroy male friendship representation everywhere? And we weren't even be losing the friendship, the friendship is gonna be a core part of buddie forever. You want strong male friendships? Go watch literally anything else. Every procedural ever has two guy best friends. Go watch house, any of the ncis, h50, the one chicago shows, hell, go watch lord of the rings or something, there are so many male friendships in media. No one is gonna die if Buck and Eddie kiss.

And the whole Eddie not being ready thing. Are we watching the same show? The show where madney started while Maddie was running for her life or bathena started while Bobby was actively suicidal? Or that even henren was presented to us when Hen cheated? Buck's own definition of love is "So every day is the best day ever. Is that really love? Right? Shouldn't it be when you're at your worst, they're at their worst, you have every reason to give up, and you still decide you want to try again?" loving someone at their lowest is the definition of love for that show. It's working through the bad to appreciate the good. And again, this idea that someone needs to be healed to be worthy of love is fucked UP. Eddie is never gonna be fully healed. Recovery isn't linear and he has ptsd. He will forever grieve Shannon. Does that mean he's never gonna be allowed to be loved because he is a human being who has been through hell? What does it take for someone to be "ready for love", huh? What's the threshold here? He was in a helicopter that was shot down and got shot 3 times, he was abandoned by a wife he later was forced to watch die, he was shot at again in broad daylight, he watched his best friend die and had to save him, his own parents just stole his kid. What does he have to do to prove that he is worthy of love, how does he have to handle all that? What I'm getting here is that someone who's been through shit can't be loved, is that the message we're sending? Really? No one seriously wants Buck and Eddie to open season 8 dating, but they are partners and best friends and they don't have to have everything figured out before they go there, they can figure it out together, they do it together anyway. Why can't they take that step and figure things out as a couple? Jesus.

[kit-kat-jo]

My Murder Drones Finale Analysis... 2/2 - 1/2

jesus, imagine getting your entire life force RIPPED out your body, and being able to look back at it. i feel like this is only a taste of what the dissassembly drones went through during transformation.

uzi desperately trying to scoop her core back into her gaping open chest will haunt me for life, i think. and her hands haven't regenned yet, leaving her to scramble even more. absolutely. horrific. probably gonna be the most gruesome moment in this series for me altogether. didn't even notice N getting yoinked away there lol

this whole sequence as well… we, or N starts hearing a second voice while she repeats “let me in,” but who is it?? the actual cyn? one thing i know for sure though, is here is where N starts to get his past flashbacks, specifically of being torn apart and transformation. fuuuucked. up

i realize now that Uzi’s protecting her core from Cyn’s callback pings in all the times she’s grabbing at her chest, but at first i really thought she was terrified of losing her core again. which: UNDERSTANDABLE GIRLIE!! MY heart?? broke.

so, N did see the actual Cyn while he got tore open. and now he’s having proper trauma flashbacks and getting back bits and pieces. this absolutely breaks my heart, seeing how desperately panicked he gets, watching memories of what i’m only assuming is V being transformed. my sweet baby. for a moment i thought for sure he was going into a full panic attack. it’s a good thing hand holding pulled him out of a full on episode, but i think this man deserves a nice big breakdown after everything to process all the shit he’s been through. pretty sure V needs the same thing, having held onto these memories a whole lot longer. post series group therapy sesh?

i think i'm gonna hear CALLBACK PING in my nightmares, actually.

AND THIS IS WHERE I FUCKING CRY!!! after everything, after learning J was never on their side, V breaks. she needs to let everything out in the open to N. her apology and genuine emotion is so, so important to me… she LOVES him! always did! and it fucking hurt to have to hide like she did, only for it to all be a trick! she wanted to be honest with him this whole time, but she was so scared! she felt like she HAD to resort to acting resentful towards him and pushing him away! it gets me so, so bad.

and then N sacrifices his own safety to save her.

also teefs.

sorry

oh god. when V realizes that she’s only led N to his death… and that this long ago promise was only one big trick… everything falls down around her. she desperately grasps at being able to fix this. she blames herself. as Eternal Dream plays in the background… it was always their song, man. it was always V singing to N. so many of the lyrics fucking HURT now, putting it into this bittersweet context.

“let my body keep you warm, let my essence be your breeze, can you hear me calling? please look out for me. can you set me free?” it was always a love letter to N. (platonically. i see it platonically, better yet, in a sibling way.) the wishes she had for him to know everything. for them to be together. for her to not have to hide. to go home, to be set free from her neverending dream. it’s all so horrible and lovely and poetic to me. she deserves everything. they deserve everything.

and then her expressions as Cyn’s about to eat N’s heart, agonizingly slowly, staring her straight in the eyes so mockingly to pour salt in the colossal gaping wound. HEGGDHHSGSGGH💔

on a side note, i find it so interesting how, seemingly, a drone’s core magnetically gets yanked back to the body as soon as it gets a tiny chance. very ehm… helpful.

bi uzi tho. QUEEEEEEN PROUD OF HER FOR COMING OUT 💜

“glad you’re not dead or whatever.” waaaahahahh. they care for each other. bwuhuhuhh.

here, howd she stop letting the callback ping effect her….? just from being cringe and free?…. queen i guess?

also, she can effectively control the solver without cyn making it go crazy anymore. is this a result of just practicing and gaining more control over it? she’s just built different? or another plot hole? shrug noise. i said i was oddly okay with the plot holes, so that stands true here too.

nori already flinging herself into mom mode with her terms of endearment had me CRYING BRO!!! development!! she went from “i caused every horror in her life,” i gotta stay away from her, to HELL YEAH THAT’S MY DAUGHTER, KICKING ASS!! mom of the year ❤️

the entire fight scene was SO GOOD!!! i need AJ Dispirito’s “Bite Me” song injected into my bloodstream RIGHT NEOOWW!!

i’m obsessed with seeing them hold hands to calm each other down after a moment that affects one of them. it’s my favorite thing. we came so far from episode 6…… wipes tear

the lyrics focused on these two here is interesting to me… V saying to let her go, Uzi saying she’s not worth saving… either i’m looking too deep into it or OUCH GUYS NOOHOHO, MY SWEETIES

this had to be giffed. also, i love these scenes breaking the immersion several times and showing that all this time the nightcore is just playing through uzi’s ipod in the distance. absolutely genius.

i’ll admit, i was so confused from the black hole scene at first. but now i understand somewhat. after uzi grabbed her core and formed a [null,] she essentially had cyn’s life force. all those times she got away by turning herself into a black hole and floating off... that was essentially HER. in the void here, cyn had to try and get it back to come back to the living, like a drone putting their core back in their chest but in a weird, eltrich cyn way, i guess? instead of her core, its the manifestation of the solver itself? cyn’s and tessa’s bodies are so far gone, that all that’s left is the solver? and as soon as uzi saw what was happening, she knew she couldn’t have it back.

she fucking eated it…. homph. that was not on cyn’s bingo card. the eyes are HILARIOUS

awwwww husband wife reunion! she is so uzi’s mother.

and now, before we get into the end of things, my vizzy propaganda. not only did lizzy KNOW that v wasnt dead, and distracted j for her, but now, in @ottterpops' words, the sentinel is just like the pet she doesn’t want. its her and v’s daughter now, it’ll grow on her for sure : )

and now, my chosen video! :D

EVERYTHING about this scene, N calling for her, the HUG, him squeezing the LIFE out of her, her noises of getting choked and giggling, sent arrows straight through my heart, THEYRE SUCH CUTIES AAUHHHHG!! n spinning her around and throwing her in the air, her tackling v, ugh! THEY GOT THEIR HAPPY LITTLE ENDING!

she’s a fucking mary sue guys, ohhhh my lord. the eyes are so so cool though, they literally look like a sunset. she is living her best mary sue life now, jesus christ. she deserves it ❤️

uzi, uzi my beloved. she feels like a dear, dear friend, my sweet little emo who goes through the horrors and comes out of it with all her unhinged goofy cringe. i love her so, so much, and i’m SO fucking proud of these three. they deserve the happiest little life together.

and lastly, end credits!!! during the series rewatch, my friends and i joked that the finale should involve n getting to play a game of cards with everyone. and HAHA SKFHSJCKSJDHDJS

oh they’re def watching a scary movie… look at the way they hold onto each other, i’m done 😭😭 if i redraw anything, it’s gonna be this first tbh.

i ran out of space for images again, but! the solver still being alive in uzi is so good, she’s gonna be a real pain in the ass… the implications this brings up is so fun to think about, ugh the possibility for spinoff series is crazy! i’ll be waiting with baited breath for more content from glitch, whatever it may be! i’ll be happy!

alright, this is probably the longest frickin post i’ve ever made. but god, did i love this show. i’m so grateful my friend got me into it, and i can’t wait to continue loving it, rewatching it and messing with my stories for as long as that’s gonna last.

thank you Murder Drones, Glitch, and Liam Vickers. now to waste money that i don’t have on merch!! 💫

[theaspen]

summary : Jay seems to keep appearing in your alternate nightmares. He acts as your night in shining armor, always helping you in your sleep. But when you try to stop the nightmares altogether he doesn't like it.

Genre : Thriller, angst.

pairing : Jay x you

Warnings: Graphic descriptions of blood, death and suicide. If you are sensitive to these subjects please don't read!!

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Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

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Authors note: It's honestly SO embarrassing that I'm posting this now LMAOAOAOA.

Uhm. I'm sorry. I hope you guys enjoy and leave some nice comments or feedback or anything tbh. And send me an ask, or comment below to be added to the tag list.

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Are you sure?” My uncle asks sceptically.

“Yes I'm sure.” I tell him firmly. 

This is the 10th time he's asked me this question today alone. What's a therapist gonna do? Besides, I'm sick of him pretending to care. 

“Uncle, I'm not really sure why you're so insistent on this. Is it because the press is outside? They want to interview you?”

It's a sharp dig at him and I know it. He's never cared about his own brother, never visited.

He scowls at me, “Careful, might I have to remind you that it isn't your father that's taking care of you, putting you in the best room with the best doctors.”

I glare at him as he walks away from the room. Well atleast the pathetic nice act is gone. 

Kyungsoo enters my room soon again, throwing a careful glance at my uncle. He was a big shot after all. With his more than successful firm.

“You good?” He asks.

“Yeah, um I think I'll just go for a walk.” I tell him rather shortly.

“Sure.” He says quietly, probably assuming I had an argument.

But truth be told, I'm avoiding him. I'm getting attached to someone who's just tolerating me for their job. It's not his fault I know but I can't get attached to those who won't stay once I'm up and gone. 

My mind goes to Jay for a tiny second. Hm. Maybe I should talk to a therapist. The dreams stopped for two days and usually I would be overjoyed at the idea of not just one but two full nights rest.

But I woke up feeling uneasy, I made a promise to Jay, someone who exists only in my head. But I made a promise nevertheless. 

There are so many things I want to ask him, so many. 

Why do I have no dreams? Why is it that I only ever have a blackout or nightmares?

Why is he saving me? 

I know I shouldn't, but my curiosity has gotten the better of me. I look down at my fisted hands and open them. There are two sleeping pills, I stole it from a nurse's bag when she wasn't looking. 

Sleeping pills and I aren't the best of friends. Sure they help me not have a meltdown from not being able to sleep for almost 20 hours but they also give me the worst types of nightmares.   Which right now happens to be something that I need. 

“Goodnight.”Kyungsoo tries to smile at me.

I meekly smile back , eager to down the pills and meet the one person who actually wants me to stay.

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The pills go down my throat ten minutes later. The small light creates a shadow of me in front.  The shadows shift, turning and twisting and I watch fascinated as they give a performance for me. 

I'm not afraid, a part of my brain thinks. What are the shadows going to do? They've been with me forever. Taunting me, trying to manipulate me. I've never given into any of their tricks. I've never trusted them. 

But when I'm all alone now, in a tiny closet peeking out from the hole and watching the shadows linger my heart picks up its beat. 

They come and they disappear again and again. I look through the tiny peep the closet gives and realise soon as they go behind every nook and creek that they are looking for none other than me. 

 

My hands reach out to clasp my mouth shut. My body folds itself as small as it can possibly go. Will the shadows think to look here too?

I shut my eyes forcefully. My other senses heightened until I could feel everything around me. The musty smell of the closet, my fingernails digging into themselves.  My feet numb, paralyzed. 

My breathing becomes slower, my arms start to unclench. I think they're gone. I think I can get out now. Escape to a place where they can't catch me. 

Before I know it, before I can even pull my hands away from myself. There's a strange hiss that comes inches away from me. A hand grabs my ankle and pulls me hard enough that I don't have time to scream. 

My head bangs against the hard wooden doors as I'm being pulled away. The impact is so hard that I can only clutch my head and groan as the hands keep pulling me away, dragging me on the rough wooden floors.

The splinters catch on clothes and skin. My chin is bleeding, but I can't even stop. Can't even catch a hold of myself as I try to catch myself breathlessly.  

There's a sharp turn to the right, and that's when I know that the shadows aren't just pulling me along aimlessly , they have a destination in mind. 

My eyes scan around desperately trying to catch hold of something to stop. 

Just then, a hand- a solid, real and warm hand catches me. A sudden stop to the journey. 

I know who it is before I can even look up. I clasp my hands with his. The shadows aren't pleased, they hiss and linger around My ankles. 

But when his hand keeps tugging me in, the shadows start to dissolve, materialise into nothing, losing their power. 

Jay's hands pull me again, even when the shadows disappear, he doesn't let go and I don't either.

When I gain a little strength into my limbs I finally pull away from the embrace. I look into his eyes, they are wide and scared, maybe even more than mine.

“Thank yo-”

“Why didn't you come?? You made a promise and you leave me all alone here?!” Jay yells angrily.

I pull away completely.  I was happy to finally see him again, but seeing his bloodshot face. The look of absolute rage in his eyes makes me stop. Brings the familiar uneasy feeling back into my stomach. 

“I'm sorry.” I mumble.

Jay looks at my crestfallen face, and immediately his face softens. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was just scared you left forever.” He says softly, “You're hurt a lot this time. Come here, let's clean you up.” 

He rips off a piece of his sleeves and starts dabbing it on my wounds.

His reassuring words don't chase away the moths in my stomach. 

“Jay..do you think I should see a therapist?”

Jay frowns at my words, “A therapist? What's that?” He asks curiously. 

“Umm. It's someone who helps you with your problems, like stress, anxiety…nightmares.”

Jay stiffens upon that. His hand paused on my chin. 

“But why…? I can save you. I save you every time.”

I shake my head,

“I can save you again, you won't even have to get hurt next time. Just trust me. That's all you need to do!”

I take his hands in mine, his eyes are trembling, 

“What happens when you can't?”

“..what”

“What happens when one day you can't save me? I can wake up, but what about you? What if something happens to you instead?” 

He shakes his head intently, “I don't care, I only exist because of you. If you're gone, then I'm alone again, I have no purpose.”

I stay silent at that, avoiding his eyes. 

The world around me seems to shift again, faster than it did before. 

“I think I'm waking up now.”

“Yeah.”

“Can't you…can't you appear in my dreams too? Not just nightmares?”

“I don't know.”

I can feel my resolve slipping at the sight of his tired face. He looks my age, but at this moment his face seems to have gone through a millenia worth of sadness. 

“I'll come back okay?” 

Jay just nodded. His fingers slip away from mine as he watches me disappear again. I never stay for long. He wonders whether it's because I can't or I don't want to. 

Jay fidgets with his fingers even after I'm gone. 

He thinks long and hard about how he could make me stay. Every time I've left, it's only because he saved me.

What happens when he makes me believe that she can't escape the nightmare anymore? 

________________________________________

Taglist : @sunjaylove @ryejigyu @keikeu

@excusemeimquirky @lollllllliiiiiiiiiiiipop

[biblicallyaccuratecrow]

ouroboros rambles chapter 2

you guys seemed to like the chapter 1 rambles, so here is chapter 2!

[spoilers for isat and twohats below the cut]

i would like to start by saying that we all need more mirabelle POV fics in our lives. she deserves only the best.

I always really liked how Mira didn't just. get over act 5? like, the things that siffrin said were hurtful! yes! and she loves him! even after that! but it doesn't erase the pain and the conflicting feelings regarding it, especially because of the no-spoilers rule... which we will get more into i proMISE! in any case I was focused a lot on the fact that Mira post canon is dealing with a Lot, what with everyone still believing that she was chosen by the Change God and yknow. saving Vaugarde, and Siffrin's overall condition doesn't help! She wants him to be okay and safe, and she has already shown that she feels immense guilt over not being able to help siffrin during the loops, so I kinda leaned hard into that.

The entire party is about to be So Tired Of People.... especially The Introverts (Odile, Mira, and Siffrin)...

The fucking cart thing came to me out of fucking nowhere. I have no idea where or why that bit came around.

Siffrin sleeping habits analysis. siffrin sleeps all curled up like a cat most of the time? theyre small scrappy, but not really the most physically strong (before the loops), and i imagine more than a few years of traveling alone would train him to be ready to protect themselves however they can, even in their sleep. I think that this eases up a bit as they get comfortable with the party, which leads to them being able to sleep "normally". but of course, that is how they wake up in the loops. negative association and trauma from waking up back in the meadow..... i don't imagine they'll be going back to that any time soon.

I do have a Full Catalog of Siffrin's injuries (because im actually insane) but that will be talked about in my chapter 3 rambles. for now though, all im gonna say is that Siffrin definitely kept the stars hidden. In my headcanon, healing craft only works when you can actually pinpoint a wound, internal or external. I'm more inclined to believe that siffrin healed them up the best they could on their own after to hide them.

Ohhhh odile. my beloved. i have so many feelings about her and how she processes siffrin's issues postcanon. feelings i will not get into until next chapter. sorry lmaoooooo. All you gotta know for now is that once she starts seeing things, she can't stop. the signs appear everywhere, and she very quickly puts the pieces together from that point. All it takes is one domino to start the cascade, and Odile is the kind of person that WILL get to the bottom of it all, no matter what it takes.

Mira's guilt. Oh man. There are some ways in which her and Siffrin are very alike, and this is one of them. She's justified in being mad, yes, but that doesn't erase the fact that she doesn't want to BE mad. She hates it. because she knows now that siffrin was suffering. She defeated the king, saved vaugarde, but the cost was her friend's health and happiness. siffrin said that they were happiest they'd ever been with the party... and yes, siffrin loves them all deeply, but she never could have wanted that love to come at such a great price.

Mira has gotta be TIRED. girl healed siffrin a grand total of (checks my page of notes from act 5) six times. with very little cooldown. and that was AFTER deflecting the ONE SHOT KILL attack from the king (which, even with the carrot method shield, does at least 1/4 damage) and unfreezing siffrin....ough. let her rest!

i love torturing isa using his crush. its so funny. bro is a disaster. brain completely short circuits at the thought of siffrin in his clothes i can IMAGINE IT SO CLEARLY.... odile is gon abe homophobic soon /silly

Siffrin's wish... this scene was really important to me. Just for clarification (and this will become a LOT more obvious later), I don't really regard this scene as Siffrin getting over what happened? Because he definitely isn't. But they have already literally let go of their wish, and I wanted to explore a more… intentional version of that? its long-lasting effects are still there, mentally and physically. it doesn't just go away. But it has served its purpose and this is my way of showing the transition point from the loops and their future with their family.

Also!!! the idea of mourning something that no longer serves its former purpose, a life you cannot get back. Siffrin can never go back to who they were before their wish. They have been fundamentally changed as a person. And while the wish did bring good things, the flipside is that it also dismantled their entire worldview and life in its entirety. They died from this wish, suffered because of it, but the meaning behind it remains, and i think that this scene kind of shows the idea that siffrin still feels compassion for what it originally meant to them. its a bittersweet reality.

[centuryberry]

trying to figure out which one of these to rec next, its easier just to send the whole playlist:

first part is songs about her and wukong mainly but the rest of her family and her new home by extention

"keys to the kingdom" is kinda everyone about yue

"blue" i've always pictured from wukongs pov about her

and "all i've ever known" is about yue felling safe and happy somewhere for the first time. orpheus' part could also work for mk when he "first" meets yue after opening the coffin so imagine that gets a reprise late in the soundtrack

also the song on a very "everythings gonna be alright, right?" "yes absolutely" note thats really good and kinda ominous for the end of act 1 compared to act 2

this ones very act 2 "can a bitch catch a break?" yue

this "the rage section" some of it at heaven, some of it at suitors

i got a lot of angry music so its very full

the prophecy

the coffin years 😔

i think "blue" specifically the second part "born blue" is a very good yue song

"odysseus" is more there as a prediction. i think shes deserve to go a little (or a lot) slaughter mode after what shes been through. SOMEONE in act 3 will fit this song at some point. i'll bet a whole dollar on it

the other two or more "confident queen yue" vibes

yuetian gets its own section on account of "people wanna fill the world with silly love songs. and whats wrong with that?" theres a lot

i fear "birds of a feather is Their Song for me. as soon as my shitty ability to understand what people are saying was able to pick out the "i knew you in another life 🎶 you had that same look in your eyes" post chorus i was Locked In

yuetian part 2 cause i think he possibly Fucked Some Shit Up trying to get her back in the lost period

he literally made this whole world and his soul chased hers into it, between him, wukong, and her family some damage had to have been done in the name of getting her back

anyway, thats the playlist as it is now

theres other songs but its just like "dagger society suite" and some other similar music i would listen to while reading act 1 and 2

I'm loving all of these suggestions. Your choices also overlap with what I already have in my own playlist! (For example, Hadestown, Epic, Hozier, "Thinking Out Loud", and "Birds of a Feather.") I'm tempted to drop a link to my two playlists - "Yuebei Xing" and "Yuetian". Would that be something people would like?

[irlcats-bracket]

Bracket 5 Semifinals 2

Blackie vs Maccabee

check their descriptions and catpaganda (new for blackie)

BLACKIE

This is Blackie, submitter's little one-eyed wonder. He lost his eye to glaucoma quite a few years ago, but he's doing a lot better now, and still likes to play with his sister, Artemis. His name is Blackie because that's what the shelter named him and submitter's family couldn't agree on a new name for him so it stuck, but submitter themselves call him 'Big Boi' because of just how massive he is. He was once very timid, but with time and love and patience he is now a certified lap cat who will come right up to strangers to demand pets. He has a wonderful squeaky meow and when he purrs it sounds like two cats purring at once. He likes to have people watch him eat and he will guide submitter's mom over to the couch and make her lay down just so he can sleep in her lap. Also, when he lays on his back, he covers his belly with his tail. Pictured is him in his signature polite boi sitting pose

MACCABEE

- weird old man

- known to bite people's elbows when prompted

- frequently sleeps with one (1) limb stretched in a random direction

- the reason submitter can't have pineapples in the house

- knows the word "treat," meaning it cannot be said out loud around him

- they got him for chanukah (hence the name). diversity win! this cat is jewish!

- they paid $150 to buy him a half-page ad in submitter's high school yearbook because he's worth it <3

CATPAGANDA

MACCABEE

has a post made by his human as a separate propaganda piece. it has bribery. the offer as far as i know still stands

also has agitational posters!!

BLACKIE

So glad to see Blackie still in the competition! His response so far has been "aow."

Truth be told, I'm running out of propaganda. If he make it to the next round, I'm gonna try my darnedest to capture his meows on video, which I haven't been able to do before because he sees me coming with the camera and starts purring XD

For now, more assorted Blackie facts!

Very rarely, when he gets the zoomies, he'll laugh. Like "huhuhuheueheHUEHEUE" kinda laugh.

I like to let him sniff human food/whatever I'm holding just to make sure he feels included (still doesn't like anything but pizza crumbs). But he has gagged on pickled ginger, banana, and CBD rub. He always gets really embarrassed when he gags tho

Ever since I got a job, he has been following me to bed and jumping on my chest to get the pets that he now lacks during the day.

If he sees you getting out the cat brush, he''ll lead you over to where he wants to be brushed.

On that note, when I had hurt my leg one time, Blackie saw that I wasn't leaning down to pet him and instead lead me over to the couch to have me sit down to pet him. He kept that up for a couple months once he saw how relieved it made me.

More Blackie propoganda! This time I bring you big boi in motion

link

Assorted Blackie facts:

A brave man when it comes to thunderstorms. But the vacuum? His mortal enemy.

The friendliest cat at the shelter. But the staff forced me to pick him up and hold him to get a picture and he got terrified and peed on me.

We think, based on how he acts, that he may have grown up in a home with dogs. But the mark on his ear is one done by our local neuter and release program, so we don't know if he was a stray, an outside cat, etc. But he's one of the friendliest cats I've ever met.

Will go up to his sister and put his head down to get it licked. But as soon as she goes to lick him and flattens his ears and raises a paw like he's gonna hit her. Sometimes they fight and sometimes they just walk away. We don't think he's trying to trick her because he acts genuinely confused throughout this process.

Sometimes he uses his back paw to scratch the back of his front leg when he's sitting down and it's so cute <3

These are old photos from when I used to hold a camera down and snap a photo when they leaned in to sniff the lens.

Blackie is our older cat and is such a gentleman. He is eager to love, he does the quickest slow blinks I've ever seen from a cat. He has a two-layered purr, it literally sounds like a cat purring as popcorn is being made in the background. He lost his eye to glaucoma when he was younger but he runs around and plays and teases his sister Artemis like a kitten. And his eyebrow whiskers grew down over his missing eye! He's not a big fan of people food but he has a fondness for pizza crumbs (NOT the crust. Just the crumbs off the plate when you're done eating the pizza). He walks like he's gingerly stepping through flowers and he's so gentle that the one time I overstimulated him and he wanted to bite me, he just shoved his closed mouth against my hand. He has a super long tongue and if you scratch the right spot between his shoulder blades he will lick the air. He's my precious boy who started out so scared but he's so brave and social and happy now just typing this out makes me wanna cry and go give him scritchies.

[risingsoleil]

Thank you for all these NSFW posts, you’re feeding the fandom mwah!

Saw your other post where Linzin in the canon verse about Tenzin griping Lin’s throat. Maybe this could be a new chapter in Lay All Your love on me ;)

Or a short post too! Hahaha

To add to all the asks:

Linzin favorite position?

Newly wed Linzin (modern or canon universe) being unable to keep their hands to themselves (especially Tenzin)

Tenzin and Lin finding out new kinks

Thank you, I'm doing my best ~~ I'm on my lunch break at work trying to keep up with all this spicy Linzin demand 🤭😈

Oh, that will def make an appearance at some point in the Lay All Your Love on Me collection 😉

Linzin's favorite position

Lin - 1) Cowgirl, she loves the ability to control her movements and it's easier for Tenzin to suck on the titties compared to missionary.

2) Missionary - can scratch his back, lock her legs around him when he's about to cum. She loves his weight pushing her into the bed or the floor while he fucks her hard or slowly

3) Sideways spooning - Tenzin somehow hits all the right angles every time in this position and it's lovingly intimate. He can still massage her boobs and kiss her neck while having his leg between hers to fuck her. This position became one of her favorites after having kids.

Tenzin - 1) missionary - He can look at Lin 😍😍😍

2) Doggy - Smack dat ass, grab dat ass, stare at dat ass. Also pull Lin's hair. He feels like he goes deeper in this angle and Lin acts like she doesn't love this position. Apparently, she can never say his name properly when he fucks her from behind and smacks her ass. ("Shut up, Airhead.")

3) Lin is on top - Boobs in his face. Boobs in his hands. Watching Lin move and grind her hips on him gets him harder inside her. The way she slides up and down on his dick, knowing that she's taking him all the way inside is indescribable to Tenzin. Lin thinks she knows what he means, but she doesn't (Lin throws a book at him).

Newlywed AU Linzin

Guaranteed way to make Tenzin hard? Lin wears acolyte robes.

They're at one of the air temples for more privacy from RC, and there's already a room prepared for them. The head abbott greets them politely along with several other acolytes, and they are shocked at how Tenzin openly puts his hand on Lin's waist in front of them.

The abbott is struggling to get his words out, and Tenzin's fingers play along Lin's waist. Lin can sense the awkwardness for the abbott and tries to take a step away from Tenzin. But he only pulls her closer so she's pressed against his side.

"Thank you Abbott for greeting us. Lin and I are tired from the journey and we'd like to go to our room."

"O-of course."

As soon as the abbott and the acolytes turn around, Tenzin's hand slides down to squeeze Lin's ass. Lin smirks at him and smacks his butt. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard as soon as we get inside. Be prepared to be pampered for the entire week because I'm going to make sure you won't be able to walk properly."

He massages her butt and smacks it again.

A low squeak comes from near Oogi, and Linzin notice another young acolyte.

Oops, did that innocent acolyte accidentally see Tenzin smacking her?

"If you won't let me walk, then I won't let you walk either. I'll be riding you morning and night until you've emptied everything inside me."

Now the abbott and acolytes glanced at them with red faces.

Oops. Did Lin talk too loud?

AU Linzin finding out new kinks

Roleplay - begins when teen Lin starts calling Tenzin, "Master" Now they've expanded into other scenarios as they get older

Sensory deprivation - inspired by Toph's "blindness" not seeing with their eyes and feeling the smallest sensation on their bodies is so hot. The first time they do this is in their early to mid-20s

Sensory play - Begins in their early-mid 20s as they travel more often and use their environment to turn the other on

Dom and sub - Kicks in when they start working. They hate the politics and social games they sometimes need to play in the careers they want, so they channel their frustration through some dom and sub. Usually, it's Tenzin initiating this and Lin doesn't mind because she loves that rough side that comes out. It gives her a break to get hot, subtly disrespectful sex that she would only let Tenzin do to her

[viperwhispered]

K so fun fact: I'm brazilian and we are people who are extremely affectionate with each other. We greet each other with hugs and kisses and physical touch is the norm for just about every type of relationship other than complete stranger. Due to this, the one emotion we are never able to properly hide no matter how hard we try is how much we love someone. It's the basis for every sort of positive relationship a standard brazilian will have. Even when it's just acquaintances, we're still guided by the love and respect we feel for our fellow man.

What does this have to do with Jamil? Simple: give him an s/o who is incapable of fully hiding how much they adore him.

Like they'll be subtle, they'll be discreet, but they will never be able to fully hide it. Secret relationship? Sure but it's not gonna stop their eyes from always discreetly wandering over to him. No PDA? Whatever you say dear, but it ain't stopping them from sticking close and brushing up against him.

As soon as they're alone, Jamil is going to be absolutely smothered. Always touching him one way or another, balantly looking at him with heart eyes, and bluntly replying to teases about how they feel towards him (cue blushy Jamil). Even when he's not feeling up to it, they still let their feelings out through acts of service (Kalim sitting, helping with chores, reminding him to rest, making dinner, drawing a bath, etc).

There is also the fact that while the s/o is able to lie, their capability to do so goes out the window when it comes to Jamil. Their able to give vaugue or ambiguous answers, but never outright lie. The reader will also go out of their way to manipulate conversations so it never lands on the topic of their relationship with Jamil.

If someone were to point blank as them if they love Jamil, they would be completely incapable of saying no.

Now the reader themselves doesn't particularly care, but always keep Jamil's wishes in mind. Which is why they respect his boundaries very well. But even then, their affection tends to spill over one way or another.

Which brings us to the comedy:

Kalim, post-CH4 and awakening his Scarabia powers, has noticed that the reader never gives definitive answers when it comes to their opinions on Jamil. Combined with the fact that they always seem to be physically close to him and always looking his way, things are a little confusing for our resident sunshine.

So he bluntly asks and there are two routes for this.

Route 1: the reader just replies: you want the short or long version?

Short version: simple "I love him" that takes less than 10 secs

Long version: 30+ minutes of every single little thing they absolutely adore about Jamil *fangirl style*

Point is that now Kalim is aware that reader is head over heels tumbling down a hill and he's somewhat sure that Jamil is at least interested (even tho the snake is tumbling right after). But he does not know the two have already crashed at the bottom of the Mariana Trench and are already dating.

Cue wacky Kalim shenanigans as he tries to get his two besties together.

Route 2: reader continues to be vague and says something like "It's not really that simple"

Kalim interprets this as you two having a bad relationship/hating each other. The cherry on top of his guilt sundae is the assumption that reader and Jamil are only tolerating each other for Kalim's sake.

Cue paniking sunshine and enter wacky hijinks of Kalim trying to get Jamil and the reader to be friends (not possible unless they break up but at least his heart is in the right place).

Both routes include Kalim learning the truth and duck taping his loud mouth shut, a poor long suffering Jamil, and a very amused reader who is just laughing at the situation while cooing over their flustered boyfriend.

As a Finn I have a feeling we might be quite close to opposite ends of the spectrum here when it comes to showing affection, especially physically 😅

I do love the idea of an s/o who can’t quite hold back their feelings despite their best attempts. It feels very real, too. Like, of course you’re gonna look after the person you care about, and can’t help showing concern if something seems to be going wrong, for example. Like, they seem to get hurt? Of course you’re gonna look worried. They look happy? Of course you’re gonna be happy for them too.

(Also ngl I do try not to lie if I can help it but do sometimes make sure to set my words carefully so yeah I can feel those ambiguous answers for sure.)

Hasdfs oh Kalim you dear sunshine. I can just see Jamil’s confusion at first when he realizes what Kalim is doing, looking at his s/o with a “do you have something to do with this” look. Jamil’s surprise turning into exasperation when it just keeps on happening, and weighing in the options of if it’s less of a hassle for Kalim to know what’s going on after all.

“cooing over their flustered boyfriend” tho. Yes. Totally. Always love this for Jamil. (tho I’d certainly feel awkward too trying to sidestep / calm down Kalim’s antics)

[ourdreamsareneon]

okay *cracks knuckles* I did a post about gale, time for his better half - astarion

Some of you don't have media literacy and it shows.

I dont know where to start so I'm gonna go hard before getting soft (insert sex joke.) Act 1 astarion is an asshole. He's manipulative and toxic and uses his power as a ~230 year old vampiric high elf to manipulate you into (among other things) having sex with him. I understand falling for him at that point, that's not your fault it's just the game gaming and the writers are really good at how they write his manipulation. However, it does strike me as strange that some of y'all get to the scene where he confesses to using and manipulating you and you....don't care? 'He's just damaged! its not his fault!' babygirl, someone can have a good reason for hurting you, but that doesn't take away the pain. I'm not saying that you shouldn't still love him, but it's strange how many of you disregard that scene. I know for me at least I was saddened by it and definitely was a little wary about him afterwards until beating Cazador and unlocking the nice happy healthy Astarion relationship.

Now here's where we get soft to prove that I actually like Astarion. The reason that confession stings for me is because I have many a memory of being SA'd then being told "I'm not even into you, you were just there." Ever since I stopped being a girl and became a woman, something that happened all too early in my life, I have been used and abused. And hey, sorry for making my Tav the exact same way but I like processing my trauma through D&D. I relate a lot to Astarion. Hurt people hurt people and I know that better than anyone. I also know better than anyone that picking yourself up and healing from that hurt sucks ass. Which brings me to two points. Um apologies for getting hard on you again.... insert another sex joke here.

1) Astarion isn't ace. I've seen this briefly and while I appreciate the need for queer rep, and love headcanons, I do think this discounts the struggle a lot of SA survivors go through. Okay, back to my life so we can compare. When I was chin deep in my abusive relationships and just general shitty time of my life, I was fucking and sucking literally so much it hurt. However as soon as I got out of that situation, I basically became celibate for 2 years. I didn't know how to have sex in a way that was healthy, or that wouldn't make me feel awful about myself. It was only this year that I was able to finally have sex in a way that made me happy. I think you'd be blind not to see Astarion in the same way. He's just a hurt man that is trying to rediscover and heal himself. Which is why he doesn't care about Tav and Halsin, and why you can have sex on his grave. He is very sexually open he just needs some time.

2) Ascended Astarion isn't sexy and I don't think some of you are ready for that conversation. Look I don't have time to go through this because I have a meeting in 30 minutes because I'm an adult with bad time management. But I just. Come here. Come real close. Abusive relationships aren't hot and sexy. We all love a little bit of kink but if you don't see Ascended Astarion as clearly the bad choice, I'm very confused. He's so sweet and loving and kind and HEALED if you don't let him ascend, I can't imagine not wanting that. And like I said, kink is fine! And ascending him because you're doing an evil run or whatever is also fine! Just please, I need teenagers to stop romanticising abuse because the media you consume does rub off on you.

TL;DR I love Astarion with all my heart, but by the writers own admission he was created as a Try Not To Overly Sexualise an Abuse Survivor Challenge and y'all are failing left and right!

[melverie]

⸺ LESSON 2 ⸺

Solomon

Barbatos

Solomon & Barbatos

demons & angels (& humans)

strange feelings & soup

misc

- lesson 1 || lesson 3 || all posts so far -

Please share your thoughts (if you want to lol)!! General spoiler warning for all of Obey Me Nightbringer, as well as for the original Obey Me

⸺ SOLOMON ⸺

Solomon essentially is the reason Leviathan got tot keep Henry 1.0 since Solomon is the one who shrunk him [2-1]

he's also the one who--completely unprompted--brought up Cerberus' existence and that taming him would grant you the title of 'Ruler of the Underworld' [2-1; pic below], which we know the brothers to hold by the time of the OG -> interesting how Solomon basically sets up the events in a way that allows them to eventually play out like they did in the future tho. Iirc we see it happen a few more times throughout the story

happened in 1-12 as well, but Solomon once again talks about the people around you not remembering who you are and how that hurts [2-3]. Not sure if this is him empathizing with MC or if this is alluding to something else... -> he also hopes that MC and the brothers will grow closer again soon [2-3]

Solomon switches to his human world look [2-9 + lesson 2 hard mode]

⸺ BARBATOS ⸺

Barbatos doesn't seem to know who MC is upon their first meeting [2-13]

he also seems surprised when he learns that MC is Solomon's apprentice [2-13], though I'm probably reading too much into this

he gives MC and Mammon the job at the castle regardless if they get any of the questions right or not [2-15]. Tbh it's probably just to keep the plot moving, but I'm slightly suspicious of him regardless...

⸺ DEMONS & ANGELS (& HUMANS) ⸺

more instances mentioned of the brothers being cast out because they are fallen angels [2-6]

Cerberus is also known in the Celestial Realm [2-8; pic below]

Mammon gives us a few insights into how being a guardian angels as well as forging pacts works [2-9; pic below]

Few things I want to point out here:

1. "To a demon, makin' a pact is like handing over control of your life to someone else, right?" Not entirely true. While the demon does give up a certain amount of control over themself to the human they've forged a pact with, there are certain limitations, such as:

you use a substantial amount of magical power while controlling several demons at once, so by that logic you probably also need some when commanding just one demon. Additionally, you might mot be able to command one in the first place if you have little to no magical power in the first place

you need to keep a clear head when giving a command, otherwise the demon can just break free from its hold. We see this at the end of season 2 when Lucifer is not affected by the 'stay' command because MC isn't thinking clearly

demons aren't forced to act out commands that go against their pact(s). Beel explains this back in the OG's season 1 when Luke accidentally gets ahold of the brothers' grimoire

2. "It's pretty much the same as when an angel decides to be a guardian to a human." Does that imply angels hand over control over themselves when becoming a guardian angel? Interesting 3. "An angel's only gonna pick one person to protect, and that's it. Just one, for all time." MC's just keeping all the guardian angels for themself then since Luke and Simeon have both expressed the desire to be MC's guardian angels, and I'm pretty sure Raphael is eventually going to follow suit lol

⸺ SOLOMON & BARBATOS ⸺

the second Solomon is mentioned Barbatos makes it very clear that he is absolutely not fond of him. Mammon points out that he finds Barbatos reaction a little strange since they have a pact and whatnot, but Barbatos dismisses it [2-13] -> side note but I just remembered how surprised Diavolo was when he heard MC was Solomon's apprentice. Then there's also that one throwaway line in the OG of Solomon's apprentice betraying him. I really hope those things don't have anything to do with each other tho...

⸺ STRANGE FEELINGS & SOUP ⸺

Solomon points out that the bonds MC shares with the others extend across time [2-3]. All hail the Time Soup!

Mammon already has feelings for MC [2-9] but we also know how fast he fell for MC in the OG, so it's not really all that unusal

this has happened in 1-12 as well [first pic below], but the word 'present' is once again written in quotation marks [lesson 2 hard mode; second pic below]. Might be because of the entire time soup thing, but it's weird nonetheless

⸺ MISC ⸺

Levi would love you if you were a worm �� [2-1]

the brothers' qualities as Avatars are starting to manifest more and more [2-A]. Not sure if this is meant to say that it took this long to happen/it took MC to show up, or if they just took this long to realize it happening

Mammon explains that demons can't forge pacts with other demons [2-9], so Solomon offically beat the demon allegations!! -> ......or did he. Because Mammon then goes on to say this [2-9; pic below]. Though to be fair this was probably just meant as a plot device to built tension since MC would have to reveal they are human before they could forge any pacts with the bros. Could also have been a small nod at Mephisto's powers later on

Mammon never was a guardian angel to anyone [2-11]

while shopping MC spots a book that they think might be precious, but Solomon claims that it isn't a grimoire since you wouldn't find a demon's lifeline in a place like this [lesson 2 hard mode]. Weird that it was brought up at all, but I'm guessing it was meant as a setup for later in the season

[boss-hoody]

HEAVENSWARD IS FINISHED!

You might think I'm rushing through the game, but I'm not. I just have no life. Ah the life of one who's friends all either have kids or live thousands of miles away...

ANYHOO

Heavensward was fantastic, although I have to wonder how the Dragoon job quests go if you were to pick it up after beating the HW MSQ considering what happens to Estinien at the end. Does time just break and he's just inexplicably there? Or does the game say "Nah, fuck you, no Dragoon for you"?

I had to kind of laugh in the final couple boss fights though because I kept accidentally predicting things. "Are they gonna pull a DBZ?" They did. "Whats he gonna do with that dead guy? Hit me with him?" He did.

The Ascian boss(es) were really fun even though we wiped 4 times. I think all but one of us was a first timer. Our tank was very patient and dropped tips in the chat, but also seemed to let us learn the hard way. "Run away from the guy you're chained to" (Told after we got nuked by the buddy system from hell) "You can tell which will go off first based on the distance between them when they appear" (Told after I got tricked by the ice and fire thing. I'm not complaining though. I'd rather experience and THEN be told rather than be told and then experience.

As for the final boss against god king super pope, I spent the first five minutes panicking as it seemed like he was throwing everything at us all at once... And then he threw everything at us all at once. CHAOS! I loved it

And then for a split second I stopped focusing on mechanics and instead on the fight and realized we were trapped in a dramatic reenactment of Knights of the Round, starring the knights of the round.

Whole bus clapped when the shatter bit happened.

Also the music in that one library dungeon was SO chill.

Various thoughts Lalafells are still the devil, except Tataru. She gets a pass. I got a kick out of her randomly changing outfits after she became a weaver

The voice acting is much better across the board

That first large, empty snowy area did not start the expansion off on a good foot. Going from being able to run fast on my mount, and even fly, to suddenly NOT being able to fly, and being back at base mount speed, AND suddenly being in a huge-ass map that I had to slog across multiple times on my slowcobo? Didn't love it. I get why we can't fly right off the bat in a new region (and I actually liked that you had to earn flight through quests and exploration) , but they could at least just let us keep mount speed. That motorcycle with automitic level 1 mount speed in Mog station is lookin' Reeeeeal tempting.

I really liked the locales in this expansion. Islands in the sky, weird plant life, etc.

I didn't really care for Bismark and Ravana. They just didn't interest me much and their fights were just kind of boring to me.

I'm heading into the post-game next. I'm guessing there's another raid series waiting for me in there somewhere. I just hope its as cool as the Crystal Tower raids were.

Oh and as soon as I buy Shadowbringers my ass is switching to Gunbreaker. Because Gunblade. (I still think its weird that its a tank job though)

[clown-friend-gt]

Up, Up, and Away: Chapter 1

It's finally happening! I'm finally posting this story in the order it happens, instead of in whatever order I suits my fancy.

In all seriousness, I'm really excited to post this! I have the first few chapters of this story written, so look forward to those soon.

In the future, updates will be spaced out to give me time to (hopefully) write more chapters in between posts, so I've always got a backlog. But today, to celebrate this coming out, I'm going to post the first two chapters one right after the other.

In this chapter, we get the beginning of Trevor's story. If you've read some of the other stuff on my blog, you'll realize he looks a bit different than he does in those. This is because this chapter takes place before his transformation begins.

Link to Masterpost

************************************************************************

New School, Same Story

800 words

(TW: Bullying)

In his first class on his first day of high school, Trevor Castillo sat alone, doing his best to keep to himself. He tried to act natural, doodling in the margins of his notebook like he would on any other given day. But it was difficult when the students at the front of the room were talking about him.

Well, not exactly. They were talking about one of the school’s new counselors. But their topic of conversation concerned him more than they knew.

“My brother says he’s never seen him before, he’s got to be a new staff member or something,” one said.

“But his badge says he’s from the Lively Institute,” said another.

“I’ve heard they send counselors to any school where a student tests positive for the super gene,” the first one responded.

“So what, some kid at this school’s gonna be a superhero or something?” A third one scoffed.

“Could be. Or they could go rogue.”

There was a lull in their conversation.

“So who do you think it is?”

“Me, obviously,” one of them chuckled, flexing his arms. His friends laughed, and their topic of conversation changed soon after.

Trevor grimaced to himself. He remembered being shocked when his doctor told him that they’d detected the SMM gene, otherwise known as the “super gene” in his genetic testing. Everyone his age had to take the test, but he’d never imagined something would come of it. Now, that feeling of shock had subsided into latent anxiety, and he could only hope that nothing would come of it.

Superheroes were like celebrities in the cities they operated in. But Trevor was perfectly content staying out of the spotlight for the rest of his life. He wasn’t really suited for the life of a hero.

If he did end up developing superpowers, maybe it would be something he could hide, and he’d be able to live a normal life. That was the best he could wish for.

Right now, though, he didn’t want anyone to realize he’d been listening in to the conversation about the mystery student. He was convinced that if people learned it was him, it’d only make life harder. He tried to make it look like his full attention was on the page in front of him.

Just keep your head down, he thought to himself. He focused on getting the anatomy of the figure he was drawing just right. Losing himself in something he enjoyed always helped him feel better.

He heaved a sigh, relaxing just a little.

Suddenly, a hand shot out and grabbed the notebook off of his desk and threw it on the ground. He went to look up at who’d done it, but another hand gripped the back of his head and slammed it into the hard surface below him. He let out a cry of pain, his eyes beginning to water.

He glanced up to see everyone else in the room pointedly looking away. No one would make eye contact with him. Even if he normally didn’t want any attention, it still stung when people ignored it when he was bullied right in front of them.

“Morning Castillo,” rang out a familiar voice.

He looked up to see Robbie Deckman, the boy who’d bullied him since middle school. It looked like that wouldn’t be changing anytime soon.

Trevor tried to ignore him. His face throbbed with pain. He reached over to try and grab his notebook from where it lay on the ground, but Robbie placed his foot on top of it and swept it aside. Then he grabbed Trevor’s outstretched arm and yanked him to his feet. With his small size, it wasn’t hard for Robbie to push him around.

Robbie loomed over him. “Whatcha been up to? Same old?” he asked sarcastically while grinding his heel into the drawing Trevor had been working on. Trevor just looked away.

When he didn’t respond, Robbie scoffed and shoved Trevor backwards. He crashed down into his seat.

“See you around,” he said with a sneer. Then he walked off, finding a seat near the back of the room to sit in.

The silence left behind after the confrontation slowly filled up with idle chatter again. Everyone just went on with their lives. Same old, same old, Trevor thought to himself bitterly.

Something had to change.

He cautiously picked his notebook up from the ground. The front page, including the drawing he’d been working on, was wrinkled and torn. With a sigh, he tore out the first page and turned to the one after it, starting his drawing over again.

Maybe Trevor had been wrong earlier. Maybe getting superpowers could be the best thing that could happen to him. Maybe it would mean no one would be able to pick on him anymore.

Or maybe he’d end up an even bigger freak than before.

Next

[majorproblems77]

Bonus links update! Which means it's analysis time! (Only slightly late haha)

Hi all!

I emerge from the void! Exams are a doozy man, but here i am, And i am ready to analyse the hell out of this update cause ohhh man stuff is happening and I'm loving it.

For the important stuff! All art belongs to @bonus-links and the artist @ezdotjpg. Please go and look at their other stuff too! And I once again thank you for letting me do these. Its awesome to be able to ramble about things like this.

Find the original comic here! go reblog it, please? For me? :D

It's so much fun!

Okay

Grab some popcorn and some water because we hydrate here. LETS GOOOOO

Slate taking pictures of all the plants and stuff is so sweet! I love them.

Shout out to the pig picture, it's so cuteeeeeee

The lil bug carrying his bag is giving me actual life okay i love him smsm

Just

Look at this little guy he is beloved, number 1 sidekick you can't stop me and my beetle propaganda

Speaking of little guys

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

MY LITTLE GUYYYYYY

HE IS SO PRETTY I LOVE HIM :D

And I love his little headband hello that's the sweetest lil thing? did he bring that with him? Did Aryll give him one to useee?

were you not expecting me to yell about loft in the first panel I could? Then you came to the wrong post friend! :DDDDDDDD

ANYYYYY WAY

These two defo need to talk about it at one point, maybe after the entire team is together? Having a divide like this (While 100% understandable, loft was kinda a dick about it) will impact things.

Makes me wonder how it's gonna work. Will someone snap some sense into them? Will someone get hurt because they were arguing?

We know they dont really get along too well so I feel like this is the beginning of a greater arc with these two.

Poor loft, he wants to make amends. Maybe try again in a bit? You'll get it.

This made me chuckle, when in doubt, wolf is there to assist.

Also, these two have no beef, do we know if Wake knows the wolf from his adventure? I cant actually remember if it was mentioned at all. It would explain why he's so willing to apologise to him and not Loft.

Aryll!

I love Aryll she is wonderful and deserves the world.

As peony should, because peony is wonderful

WAKE IS IN TROUBLE

Tetra's face gives me, as soon as you finish talking I am going to grab you and shake you like a bag of potatoes while asking you a million and one questions.

Small Aryll hiding like that gives so much little sister energy i love her so much okay.

aw

oh... OH

WHO IS THAT?

SLATE? Who is sheeee? A sister?

Alsoooo, She looks an awful lot like loft....

More on this in a minute cause I've got a whole thing.

Peony pulling them back from the memory, this is why i love her okay. She's wonderful.

Okay okay okay I am excited about this so hear me outtttttt

I have a theory

Loft reminds Slate of a family member. More specifically his sister.

Thats why they are so cold to him.

So, it's not just me right? There's a resemblance here. The way the hair falls and the colour.

ESPECIALLY WITH THE HEADBAND THAT LOFT HASNT WORN UNTIL NOW.

If Loft got given that headband by someone here as he was helping and now that Slate has seen him wearing it and also not he's had this memory it would explain why he looks to the side like that.

He's looking in the direction that Loft left the screen, perhaps looking for him...

The response from Slate might be a trauma response without them realising it. He's acting cold to Loft because he reminds him of a member of his family that he can't put a face too.

Just a thought of course.

Thats all from me! :D

Have a great day yeah?

(Again sorry this is a little later than normal, I've been head's deep in exam revision for weeks now haha.)

[riddlerosehearts]

HII ITS IDIAVIL ANON AGAIN!!! i wanted to respond to the post u made in response to my ask... I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND NOT BEING ABLE 2 WRITE FICS LIKE!! ive been creatively writing for years and when it comes to stuff im rlly passionate abt i can become super duper creative. my struggle with writing fanfic is finding the time and motivation, plus my adhd makes it difficult for me to focus, BUT IVE BEEN DOING BETTER RECENTLY!!! im kinda familiar with wicked? i saw it on stage back when i was just a wee lad but i dont remember much of it (i honestly think i fell asleep ;-;) but i've been wanting to watch both the play and the new movie, i just haven't gotten to it yet. i will definitely keep this in mind as i watch both!! a few weeks ago i actually watched jennifer's body for the first time, i'd been wanting to watch it but then i saw someone mention a jennifer's body idiavil au and oh my gods i literally couldnt stop thinking about it. i've definitely kept that au in mind, and i will do the same for the wicked au!! when i do eventually watch wicked i'll probably send another giant yapping paragraph in ur asks abt it... ALSO PLEEASEE I WOULD LOVE LOVE LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABT UR AU IT SEEMS SO COOL!!! also. hercules au. oh my god u get me. i'm not exaggerating when i say i've thought abt the idiavil meg and hercules parallel at least once a day for the past like five or so months. i NEVER stop talking to my friends about it EVER. i was actually on a disney cruise (twas a family trip) about a month ago and they had a giant tv above the pool, they showed a movie every fifteen minutes (after the movie prior had ended) and WHEN I TELL YOU I FREAKED OUT WHEN I SAW THEY HAD A SHOWING FOR HERCULES. AND I HAD TO RESIST FROM STIMMING (i get embarrassed when i stim in public bc i dont like being looked at or percieved like ever) DURING WONT SAY IM IN LOVE LIKE THATS PROBABLY MY FAVORITE DISNEY SONG OF ALL TIME OH MY GOODNESS. I WOULDNT STOP TEXTING MY FRIEND AND TALKING ABOUT IDIAVIL. also i did see ur response and oh my goodness i think abt it so much. ill probably share the keychains and playlists off anon later... also i LOVE the fact u keep ur pins of them next to each other... my birthday was actually a while ago (oct 28th) but the art has been delayed bc shes been busy which idm, shes putting a ton of effort into it. ill also probably share that off anon whenever its done!! alr im gonna wrap this up, i do have a few things i have to get done soon but i'll try to send in those playlists and pictures of the keychains b4 i go to bed tn!!

hi again haha!! whenever you watch the wicked movie i really hope you enjoy it! just keep in mind that they kind of, extended every single scene in act 1 to make it 2.5 hours long (when the whole stage musical with both acts combined is that length), so it's only a part 1 and we won't get part 2 until next year. which admittedly DOES bug me but i still loved the movie anyway. if you want to watch the stage musical after that, well, the people who record bootlegs usually ask you not to put them on youtube but people do anyway AKJDGJFSG. so you can probably find one easily enough! it's my absolute favorite musical! when i went to see it live in april, i kept thinking "well, vil does share glinda's love of fashion and her popularity and ambition, but he's different from her in a lot of ways too! for example, he doesn't believe that popularity is the only thing that really matters, and he would never sacrifice his own morals and ideals to achieve his goals... oh... wait..." and then i realized that the whole plot of book 5 is that vil kind of DID do all that! that's the whole tragedy of it, that he overblotted because he DID start to think that his hard work was meaningless and that he SHOULD resort to any means possible to be the most popular at the expense of his moral compass, and he thought of himself as ugly for doing so! he COULD have ended up basically alone, being praised by others around him as beautiful and good while inside he secretly believes himself to be wicked, just like glinda if his friends hadn't done everything to stop him from poisoning neige.

and idia may not be an animal rights activist like elphaba, nor is she an otaku LOL, but elphaba grew up lonely and ostracized because of her green skin and idia's family curse forced him to grow up isolated on the isle of woe and have blue fire for hair. she's a caretaker for her disabled sister whose father blames her for her condition, and idia has a robot brother whose death he blames himself for. elphaba is jaded and sarcastic and abrasive and deeply insecure, and who else fits that description? the only issue is that idia is far too pessimistic about the future to decide to do what elphaba does in defying gravity on his own, but i think in an AU he could be pushed to do it. also there's this part in wicked where after glinda and elphaba get back from a big dance at the ozdust ballroom glinda says "was that your first party?!" and elphaba deadpans "does a funeral count?" and i can just so clearly see that with idia and vil AFKJDGHF. there's so many other scenes too that i just see as being perfect for them.

as for fiyero i had two ideas here: in the actual musical, there's a love triangle in which elphaba and fiyero ultimately end up together but as i mentioned i would want to give my AU a happy ending and make vil and idia end up together in it. so i would do one of two things: 1) cast kalim as fiyero, because he literally just fits the role perfectly. fiyero is a foreign prince, and look at the lyrics to dancing through life and try to tell me kalim wouldn't sing this. but i don't ship kalim with either vil or idia, so in this scenario i'd probably cut the love triangle and have him somehow end up as their bestie who supports whatever insane gay thing those two have got going on. imo kalim really does fit fiyero better than anyone else and this idea is just so funny to me. or 2) cast rook as fiyero, keep the love triangle, and have it end in polyamory because even though i've never even considered shipping rook with idia i do ship rook/vil and i think this would be hilarious as an AU. also, there's a scene in wicked where glinda and elphaba are hanging out and glinda is like "let's tell each other our best secrets! i'll go first! FIYERO AND I ARE GOING TO BE MARRIED!!!" and since they've just started dating elphaba is like "he's asked you already??" and then glinda goes "oh no, he doesn't know yet!" and imagining vil saying that about rook just makes me laugh so hard.

OKAY. so there is an incomplete summary of my thoughts on a vilidia wicked AU!! honestly i don't really watch horror movies so i haven't seen jennifer's body but if i ever do watch it i'll have to keep that AU idea in mind. as for the hercules parallel idk if you've seen this post of mine but it makes me so happy every time someone likes or reblogs it because then i get to think about them again. hercules/meg has always been one of my favorite disney couples so when i saw this happen in book 6 i was immediately just. doomed to be insane about vil/idia forever because are you KIDDING ME?? also your birthday is right after mine omg, mine was october 25th!! so a late happy birthday to you, then! one last thing i'd like to say in this already way too long response is that i have two sets of floyd and riddle nuis--listen, they're my other favorite ship so i bought the first ones online and then saw more at a con i went to and couldn't resist--and i'm going to be getting idia and ortho nuis for christmas. hopefully soon i'll be able to get a vil nui as well so i can keep him right next to his boyfriend and his film club buddy/future brother-in-law 💙💜