#i'm gonna die alone i guess | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

catharticsky · 10 months ago

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Ok he's super cute, super funny, super sweet.

Aand he's ghosting me 😬

I have a date w a cute guy i met while i was shitfaced, so idk what to expect. I'm anxious he won't like sober-me even though he seemed nice so idk. Also i know pretty much nothing about him and going out with someone scares me in general so aaaaaaaa

#at least i think?? i mean unless something bad happened to him which. i hope not. but..#i mean we went out twice and it was actually very nice and i was starting to like him #and i was very much waiting for the other shoe to drop because these kinds of things don't happen to me.#i've never had a date in my life that went well #but it seemed that it was going well and now i texted him a day ago and he's not replying 😬😬#and it's not like i expect him to reply within 5 minutes or something - but still i think that #if he was interested he would have replied sooner than that #anyway #i'm gonna die alone i guess #personal

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zebratimw · 2 years ago

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Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

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sherlock-is-ace · 4 months ago

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#feeling really lonely lately and idk why #i mean i guess this is what 5 years of complete isolation do to ya lol #but yeah... sometimes it hits me that i don't really have friends (my fault obvs) and i just sit here with no idea how to change that lol #cause i have the curse of being ok while i'm alone and feeling incredibly anxious when i'm with people #so i convince myself that i'm better alone #and i am for the most part #but then 5 years since the last time i met someone that wasn't my mom or my brother go by and i go ''hmm... i don't think this is healthy''#and i spiral into a pit of dispair #like i can't believe that my highschool years when i was an absolute emo ''i hate everybody and everybody hates me'' kind of dude #were healthier than now #because i had online friends whom i talked to for hours about just random shit #and i met incredible people in uni but i haven't talked to them in literally i'm gonna say 5 years?#and the fact that they live 3hs away doesn't help but still #and i fully know I'M the problem #cause i isolate myself and i don't text and i don't hang out when they arrange hang outs #(again being 3hs away. relying on public transport and not feeling comfortable going out at night don't help..)#but also i put waaaayyyy too much pressure on this so that doesn't help at all #and i'm waaaay to awkward and self depricating to even attempt to have a meaningful friendship with anyone...#so i'm left here (by my own actions) alone and sad lol #i might be getting my period btw so maybe that's why i want to die today #but yeah... it's been in my head for a while now and i wanted to get it out so i can move the fuck on #if only i could be a normal person... sigh #angel talks #personal

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silverselfshippingchaos · 4 months ago

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gamers... we've got a problem. and by 'we', I mean 'me'

#ash rambles 💚#so um. theres this character #very bad guy. kind of easy on the eyes. but still horrible. and for a very long time he's been popping up in my feed on every social media #that i have. and i was like 'wtf dude leave me alone'#and i said that i would NEVER fall for him because he is annoying and a genuinely bad persona #*person #and yet... why have i been... thinking about kissing him...?#he's gonna show up in the next y.akuza game and I'm a little scared to start #ive said that I'd NEVER fall for him. that I'd sooner punch myself than fall for him.#hopefully it'll just be attraction... him and an s/i would both be unattached adults.. I'm fine with things staying just physical #i think I'd die of embarrassment if i actually fell for him..#I'm not gonna fall for him....#i just keep thinking about pinning him down and making out and biting his neck and leaving plenty of marks #but. um. surely that means nothing......#this is bad... I'm not gonna fall for him. I'm not. i swear. nope. i refuse. please...#um. if you guys wanna guess... he's a y.akuza 3 character.#god I'm so embarrassed #actually. no. nothing to be embarrassed about because i DONT LIKE HIM #I'm not gonna fall for him! he's horrible!!!!!!#one night and thats it!!!!#stupid idiot guy taking over my thoughts... grrr...#you were beautiful 💸

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gregoftom · 2 years ago

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GOD i am trying so fucking hard not to read into the fact that tom repressed the shit out of how he actually felt when he learned he probably won’t go to jail and then when he went to greg, he could. express it. you know. he could be himself. i really hate so much what i read into it BECAUSE I SHOULDN’T BC I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS LATER AND I SHOULDN’T TRUST THIS SHIT BUT ARHJARHA HOW CAN I NOT WHEN HE’S REPRESSED ASF PER USUAL BUT THE MOMENT HE GOES TO GREG OR IS ALONE WITH GREG HE EXPRESSES HIMSELF FULLY, HIS RAGE, PAIN, [MANIC] HAPPINESS, AFFECTION. I HATE THIS SO MUCH. AND GREG IS IN THE CORNER COWERING BC HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THAT THE REASON TOM ACTS THIS WAY AROUND HIM IS. no. i Refuse to read That into it. but yall get what i’m saying right.

AND THEN THIS

are you fucking kidding me. like was that really fucking necessary.

#tomgreg #god i hate thi IS S how #im gonan. i gotta sit down for a sec i'm jahving a jhemmhorrage #hemorrage #mhem?? you know that ththing #oh yall are prob expecting a novel in the tags wel like i said in the post. i think it's interesting that tom is like. Himself. around greg.#when they're alone. he can be like. maybe his core self? i don't know. maybe it's some kind of. parallel.#to how he tries to be a roy. which can be compared to say. roman. who was confirmed to have had the concept.#of being gay. like. they put on a show right. like roman's true self is he'd die for his family. but he won't say it outright.#and in fact hates being called out on it/makes excuses for it.#you see where i'm going with this. they pretend to be. yk. something they're not.#but around greg HES SO EXPLOSIVE and SO AFFECTIONATE and so PLAYFUL. like i said. he's like a schoolboy.#we get glimpses of that with shiv but she doesn't seem to like it so he learns to repress it.#when greg refused his little wrestle to the ground [by the way. ok gayass] he got snippy and took it as a rejection.#but it won't stop him from continuing to be himself around greg bc there's something about him i guess.#like obviously i'm trying really hard to think rationally about this bc i don't know if i can trust the writers with something like this.#and i'm getting conflicting thoughts and feelings and ideas from stuff i've seen about season 4.#but like. yeah. i don't know. it's interesting to me. this scene was interesting to me.#i'm not gonna cap the whole tom going koo koo bananas bc well he flipped a desk and beat his chest unga bunga. but. yeah.#ALSO GREG ASKNG ''IS IT REAL'' BEFORE TOM KISSES HIM GOD SEND THE FLOOD #DONT FUCKING DO THAT #anYWYA IM GOING MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS RISING little lord fuckleroy has left the call #txt #SORRY SORRY ALSO tom calling them the waystar two hAHHhhhhhfdne wowowoewoewd what is he your fucking boywife. fuck outta here

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roundearthsociety · 1 month ago

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I'm glad there's at least *some* pushback among trans people (especially transfem people I'm finding) against the whole antinatalist/anti-fertility preservation stuff. Like there was this girl at tdor last year who took time to say a bit about future generations and I really appreciated it.

I'm sorry, but "I don't want to pass on my tranny freak genes" isn't even remotely subversive. It is, in fact, *precisely* what the fascists want you to do. Congrats on your sacrifice for the purity of the race or whatever the fuck I guess

#baffling hearing about ppl complaining that they were 'forced into banking sperm' bestie FUCKING WHERE. IT WAS STRAIGHT UP ILLEGAL FOR ME.#and at this point it'd literally take a miracle lmfao. it's like. yeah no I guess I'm gonna die alone and forgotten anyway huh #alright so that's reblogs turned off. but yeah to whom it may concern if you see this you better take it as a sign #'oh but I don't want children' do you not want children ever or are you 19. that's two different things. trust me on that one.

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eastofedean · 7 months ago

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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)

#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to #i don't want to make people uncomfortable #and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane #it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions #and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any #of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you #it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done #such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical #and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt #of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything #i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not #visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness #is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow #i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace #i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie #life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do #this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals #and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting #them that was never my intention. i promise #so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about #you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to #navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate #the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people #not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too #I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking #brain of mine.

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thelastsaiyanprincess · 2 years ago

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it's really that simple... tell me i'm yours, that you want me and only me, that while you may find others charming, it's me you choose. every time, no contest. make me into your home and i will be yours forever and ever.

#im not a complicated girl... but apparently this is too much to ask of most people lol #there's always someone newer and shinier than me & i'm never just enough #as i am #but its cool. a thug gonna keep thuggin'#i'll sit alone in my tower where no one can access me #no one can reach me #& no one will ever hold me down until they can give me this. no exceptions ✋🏽#im actually ok with dying alone lol i've made my peace w it.#but it'd be cool to have one healthy monogamous relationship before i die. i guess #vent #delete later

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sapphic-hobbit · 1 year ago

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my school and part-time job didn't even start yet and i'm already extremely, horribly, undescribably tired from all the upcoming stress.... ughhhhh

#i mean yeah most people go to normal work already which is even worse but ughhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH #like i already feel like i'm not gonna cope well #and genuinely the fact that life is going to be even worse after school with the everyday grind is making me even more anxious and depresse #i don't want to take the word depression on lightweight but there's simply no other way of calling it #i guess it wouldn't be too out of place to say that i have some tendencies for depressing feelings and thoughts #along with anxiety #don't worry i am able to function normally it's just extremely draining mentally and sometimes i just want to leave this earth #not die but leave #also by sometimes i mean 24/7 #you get me right #and also i have a particularly weak moment right now #i mean yesterday was much worse but it just doesn't go away that fast yknow and i woke up feeling terrible #but it's okay #delete later #i guess tw for #negativity #vent #also i'm gonna die alone because i can't get over one person and i feel like that is going to kill me on itself one day #and that's just 2 things out of the 1000 i worry about all the time #hello bye #i'm already regretting this post but i have to get it out maybe i should just write it into a journal but this feels different

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mashmouths · 1 year ago

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@ god if you don't want me to kill myself turn my power back on i am NOT playing

#it is 2 am and everyone is asleep and i've seen two firetrucks drive silently past my house and i am miserable and cold and alone <3 #sorry to once again be pity posting but my phone has 3% so i'm charging it with my laptop that i'm also using for light #i have a flashlight but my laptop will be backup in case it dies and i want the Power Back Passé #**Please #there's this high pitched chirpy sound that i'm pretty sure is the smoke alarm? which thank god she's battery-operated but also my fire #alarm is faulty on a good day and the firemen know that and i'm so worried that one day we'll die bc our house cried fire one too many times #once again sorry i'm just tired and stressed🫶 how is everyone's day doing bc i hope it's better than mine #fuck the garage won't open eitherrrrrrrrrr so i can't go anywhere to work :( genuinely just. fuck me i guess?#whateverrrrrr ain't nothing gonna break my stride i'm running and i won't touch ground or something #a post #real negative nancy vibes this evening sorry gang i'll try to be more throat goat nancy in future #it's not even storming it's just windy as all get out which? i suppose could take down a power line but i wish it would not :/

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gender-euphowrya · 1 year ago

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old people really were raised on the idea that their descendants were just future caretakers for them and never fucking learned to think otherwise

#sorry grandma thinks i'm her therapist again #grandma takes everything i do for her for granted again #grandma overthinks literally every fucking aspect of her life and confuses the fanfic she made up about her relatives for reality again #like she's dead convinced nobody loves her and nobody does anything for her and nobody visits her and yadda yadda yadda #girl i can't be at your house every fucking day. i don't have a car. my mom's got a fucking job.#literally she never voices her god damn needs. she never says ''hey i need help with this'' or ''i'm not well could you do that for me''#we're just supposed to fucking use our telepathic powers we definitely have to Guess what she wants from us #and then when we don't succeed at that Easy Task it's our fault and she's so alone and nobody cares wah wah boohoo #and if you so much as breathe in a way that might maybe possibly indicate that you're a little bit in disagreement with her #or that you could potentially have some form of criticism or advice about her behavior she doubles the fuck down #you tell her ''calm down'' she hears ''SHUT UP NOBODY CARES YOU SHOULD JUST DIE''. those are definitely the same statement.#she fucking begged me to ask my therapist to start seeing her too. fucking 6-7 months later she's like #nooo i don't want to go anymore what's the poiiiiint #GIRL IVE BEEN GOING FOR 6 GOD DAMN YEARS.#IT TOOK ME 5 OF THOSE YEARS TO EVEN JUST -START- GETTING BETTER AND I WAS LESS DEPRESSED THAN YOU #IT'S NOT GONNA MAGIC AWAY IN 7 MONTHS !!!!#I'LL DRAG YOU THERE KICKING AND SCREAMING IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES BUT YOU'RE FUCKING GOING #*through gritted teeth* i love and care about you and want you to be well Stop getting in the way of me doing that

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thegirlwholivesin-delusion · 1 year ago

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Oh god give me strength

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martianbugsbunny · 1 year ago

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....okay so legitimately how do people ever date anybody because dating somebody you don't know??? who isn't your friend??? weird. uncomfy. not with a ten foot pole. but if you're friends??? can't date. ur friends. platonic feelings.

#I feel there is a part of this equation I'm not getting #idk how people do it #just gonna die alone I guess!!!#dating

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daz4i · 2 years ago

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in my "i am going to die soon i can feel it" era again

#as you may guess from the phrasing i have turned out to be wrong the last times it happened #i usually get it around my bday and i think. i had enough distractions during it so now I'm getting this dread in delay #also in 2 weeks-ish I'm gonna be home alone for about a week which doesn't help this feeling #it's kind of like despair is filling my lungs choking me and i feel like i have no other choice than to die. you know how it is #also been having constant thoughts abt drowning myself recently. again you know how it is 👍#it just happens sometimes. that's just what life is. constantly awaiting death or being distracted enough not to notice the wait 🤷‍♂️#negative //#suicide //#ask to tag

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witheredgardenparty · 4 months ago

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I will never forgive a single one of you

#There will come a day when your grandchildren see your faces in the history books and spit on you #“We survived the last one” no we all didn't #I lost so many #so many #His policy changes almost got me killed twice alone #I mean that literally -- in the hospital trying not to die because of the shit he did #Later today I am going to have to face a room full of [redacted] and promise to do everything I can to protect them and not give up #all while pretending I'm not already sitting in my grave #Of course I'm going to fight of course I am but Christ alive fuck you people who think this is a game #and honestly fuck everyone who looked at what happened and didn't see massive voter suppression for what it was #“why didn't so-and-so shift blue” because they challenge mail-in ballots and purge the rolls late and shut down polling locations #and if they call you a “felon” you can't vote. And guess what sort of people they like to make felons?#Reminding myself through gritted teeth that if almost half of Texas voted blue - that's a higher population than some blue states have #It's a lot of people. It's so many people. So many many people tried #People out there care and are trying don't forget them don't abandon them don't condemn them in the hatred #Welp.#If you're still reading this I'm so sorry #If you're USAmerican remember: if they come knocking on your door asking for the neighbor in your attic - you don't know shit #You have never seen a shoplifter in your life. You never had nor never knew anyone who got an abortion.#You don't know any queer people. Especially not a trans person. Especially especially not a trans kid.#Social media sites are not safe for communication. It's not a game okay. Get real good at being careful #Buy an air cleaner and a water filter and get ready to keep an eye on food contamination outbreaks #Get to know your local farmers #Buy a chicken. Name it Reggie. Reggie gonna give you eggs.#Living is an act of defiance. Fighting is an act of love #Cricket is Chirping 🦗

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lanteanserver · 4 months ago

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I think technically speaking, I'm not an Irish Catholic or an English Catholic, but I'm a Ro[a]m[i/a]n{g} Cat{-}holic until and unless they excom{m/eow}nicate me, and really, if they're going to do that,

#cat-holic Catholic #toxoplasmosis probably needs to be a part of this whole mess too i guess #just think of me as a very efficient antibiotic that's trying to support humanity's immune system #i'm not nice but i try to always be kind #i'm not God but i'm an Echo of something #maybe just an Echo of my own scream into the void but i'm the only me I've got #or maybe we're the only us we've got but all the reassurance i have left is haptic feedback when i feel sick for no reason #i'm not alone but i am a stranger in a strange land #i have no home but i'm not unhoused #they tell me my husband is my home but Warsan Shire was right:#you can't build homes out of human beings #someone should have told me that long ago #oh well okay #never gonna know you now but i'm gonna love you anyhow #can't tell what's real but willing to take other people's opinions on board #oracle is probably easier than prophet and i definitely have the message to the relevant parties #now it's up to them #for the record the message was “change or die” to the institution of the Roman Catholic Church #and the good news is they're already trying to change but the better news is that they're failing better #the best news is that i think i made it through the loop and out the other side #too sweet by hozier is playing on the radio and that's the first song on my husband's playlist #speculative fact or quantum religion or syncretism or whatever #a bucket of acceleration told me (the all-knowing bucket) that i would either be a heretic or a saint #i genuinely don't know or care because i have no fear for my soul #i got purgatory out of the way in advance this lifetime #i don't want to rule in heaven but i'm sick to death of serving in Hell and being told i deserve it #so here i am #i am what i am #i am what you made me #i'm the canon reader not the cannon ball

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