#i'm going to miss them so bad it's unreal | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

osarina · 7 months ago

Text

ᡣ𐭩 ICARIAN

FEATURING: beast dazai osamu

SUMMARY: dazai had known he was flying too close to the sun, he should have stopped himself while he still had the chance. {wordcount: 11.5k; fem!reader, romance & tragedy}

AUTHOR'S NOTES: installment fiveeeee otherwise known as part 2 of installment four LOL! ugh guys i'm dragging myself thru the trenches right now i'm so miserable - i wasn't even up to posting this today i won't lie but </3 i pulled thru </3 if only barely. fun fact this is actually only a 3 scene chapter but the second scene is just MASSIVE. i wasn't up to restructuring so you guys are just going to get it as it is. this is also unedited because i just wasn't up to it so bear with me regarding mistakes. JUST TO REMIND YOU ALL: the last installment is DELAYED - i have 3 finals next week and haven't had the time to finish it. it will be up by the end of may </3 sorry guys. wow this actually is attempt number three trying to post this correctly - i'm so shot

IMPORTANT NOTE FOR 17 & UNDER FOLLOWING THE SERIES: partially copy and pasted from badlands - if you guys read badlands, you know the deal. y'all knew what you were getting into. this is the smut chapter. but again, i'm not going to ask y'all to not interact/read a whole 12k chapter just because there's 4k words of smut, but i am going to say here the smut is in the SECOND scene. there is very little plot development in the smut itself, so i ask you guys, again, to respectfully scroll past it. i'll make the sentence when the smut starts red like this so you know that's when it starts, and then you can continue reading at the next divider. thank you for understanding! there is NO plot development in the smut, i'll reiterate that at the end where i put the summary in badlands, i restructured to make sure none of it was in it.

SMUT WARNINGS: unprotected sex, dazai cries </3 poor baby, sub!dazai, as always pussy drunk!dazai, bit of overstim on dazai's part too, jfhsuhdfsu i will say it starts on the bathroom floor so that might be a bit gross to some of you but dazai hardly even uses his apartment anyway so trust it's clean. bear with me. it just flowed from there i had to go with it. the story writes itself, i'm only the scribe. LOL let me know if i missed anything, i might have

SEE: UNREAL UNEARTH SERIES MASTERLIST READ: BADLANDS SIDE A

Dazai is hardly listening to the conversation at hand. They’ve been going back and forth for thirty minutes about inconsequential matters. Tolstoy is getting increasingly heated as he goes tit-for-tat with Nabokov, evidently the tripartite alliance between the Russian mafias is not quite enough to quell all of the bad blood that’s simmered between them, but something about the situation isn’t sitting right to Dazai. He can feel it in his gut, swirling in the depths of his chest—something is wrong but he doesn’t know what.

Mishima looks equally put out, gaze trained on Tolstoy and Nabokov’s conversation, occasionally looking back at his executives. Cao seems bored, head tilted back against the red cushions of the round booth as he smokes a cigarette; in all regards, he seems relaxed, but Dazai notices the way the fingers of his free hand are tense on the table, as if he’s bracing himself for something.

Something isn’t right.

Dostoevsky is cunning. Intelligent. He’s been lethally sharp in every universe that the other Dazais have encountered him in. He wouldn’t send Tolstoy and Nabokov into this meeting with them at each other’s throats like this without an ulterior reason. Dazai is missing something critical; he knows it’s not something as simple as wanting to give off the appearance of a divided front as means to get Dazai and Mishima to lower their guard. Nothing is that easy. There’s some ulterior motive that Dazai has to figure out.

Cao’s presence. Tolstoy and Nabokov’s blatant hostility toward one another. Mishima’s words from earlier, warning him that something seems to be brewing, that Tolstoy and Nabokov had been on edge since he arrived at the event hall. Dazai’s head hurts, and he can’t focus, not when you’re in the other room without him.

Already, he feels as if he’s been separated from you for too long, he’d been hoping this meeting was only going to last thirty minutes at most, and it’s been thirty minutes already and hardly any progress has been made. If Dazai didn’t know any better, he’d think that…

He’d think that Tolstoy and Nabokov were stalling.

At once, Dazai starts catching onto the things that he missed. The way Nabokov keeps glancing up at the clock on the wall above Cao. The way Tolstoy’s gaze keeps flickering to his phone. The way Cao’s attention seems to be elsewhere.

Cao Xueqin. A Dream of Red Mansions. A scrying ability.

His heartbeat slows and Dazai blinks. Once. Twice. Blood roars in his ears as his gaze twists down to where his phone is laying on the table in front of him, on its face. Tachihara should have texted him to let him know that he got to you. Him or Chuuya. He usually reports to Chuuya anyway, so Dazai figured that Chuuya would’ve gotten the confirmation. He turns his head to the side to look at the executive from the corner of his eye, trying to keep his breath as slow and steady and natural as possible when he realizes that Chuuya is frowning with furrowed brows, looking at his phone. Unsure.

Dazia reaches for his own phone, fingers deceptively steady despite the way his insides are curdling with a sudden jolt of anxiety. His eyes zero in on the top right corner of his phone. No signal. Dazai has been to this event hall countless times in this life and dozens of others—there’s always service throughout the building.

Unless it’s being jammed, that is.

Dazai’s blood runs cold, gaze dragging from his phone to the door that leads to the hallway connecting to the event hall where you are. He feels as if he’s been doused with icy water and lit on fire all at once. For a second, he doesn’t move—he’s not sure if it’s anxiety or fear, or both, but he knows it’s because you’re out there and Dostoevsky is plotting something while trying to keep him out of the picture in this meeting.

He should have known better. Mishima had assumed that Dostoevsky wasn’t in the building—he had his three best scouts prowling the whole building trying to place the real leader of the tripartite but had failed. Nabokov had apparently told him that Dostoevsky had to stay back to handle residual business in Russia, a blatant lie, one that has had Mishima on edge all night.

The one with the overcoat. The clown.

Dazai stills as he remembers the white haired man who hung around Dostoevsky in some of the other universes. Not all of the other Dazais encountered him—in fact, Dazai thinks there were only half a dozen other universes where he met the man, he can hardly remember his name, but when he did…

Spatial linking. Of course Mishima’s men hadn’t been able to hunt down Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky would’ve predicted that the Sun and Steel would seek out the mastermind with their scouts. He used the clown to enter the building without anyone knowing after the scouts finished their hunt.

Dazai had missed a critical piece on the board.

Dazai rises to his feet abruptly, mind numb, eyes distant, and lips parted to speak but no words escape them. Tolstoy and Nabokov exchange a sharp, pointed look, pausing in their hostilities, and Dazai knows. He knows.

Dostoevsky is going after you.

He hears Chuuya and Kouyou calling after him but it sounds like a distant buzz. His throat feels clogged, his heartbeat is erratic and uncontrollable, his ears are ringing. His surroundings are blurry, a part of him doesn’t even know where he is: the event hall, your apartment, in the cafe below the Armed Detective Agency, it’s all blurring together.

This is it.

His vision swims and his head spins. The hallway seems impossibly long, much longer than it was to walk to the room. He can hear Chuuya spitting curses, scrambling out of the room, and he’s sure that his other executives and the other mafiosos aren’t far behind, but Dazai’s mind is on a single track. He doesn’t know how fast he’s moving—fast enough that Chuuya is chasing after him but can’t catch him. Something is heavy and cool in his hand—his gun—numb fingers moving to click the safety off.

This is it.

He might enter that hall and find you dead, slumped over the bar he’d last seen you sitting at, blood splattered across your face. Limp, cold. Just like you were on your bedroom floor. In the booth at the cafe. He’s pulling you from the water. He’s screaming for Yosano when he’s with the Agency. He’s screaming for Mori when he’s with the Mafia. Sometimes he’s alone, and he has no one to call for help, so all he can do is hold you and cry.

It’s his fault. He knew this would happen from the beginning. He knew that being with you would lead you to the same fate that you’ve met in every other universe because of him. He knew that being with you would be your death sentence, but he couldn’t stop himself.

His vision swims again, the red and gold patterns on the walls of the event hall are indistinct blobs, he feels someone try to grab his wrist—Chuuya, probably—but Dazai rips himself free and pushes himself into the event hall.

He ignores the eyes on him and the way people all instinctively move away from the sight of him with his gun out, he’s sure he must look deranged but he’s hardly even keeping himself grounded to this reality. Pages pile around him, every single one has variations of the same scene that’s haunted him for almost eight years written on it; one is being written before his eyes, he can see the words appearing on the blank sheet. He needs to find you before it’s complete. He has to stop it.

His eyes cut across the room, toward the bar he’d last seen you at, and you’re there. You’re there. It’s almost enough to make him scramble to put his gun away, cover up his steep spiral of paranoia even if you are looking right in his direction and see the gun in his hand. He can hardly come to terms with the consequences of this, how you’re seeing him right now, because his gaze tunnels right in on the person sitting next to you and his world comes to a halt.

He lifts the gun. He ignores as people shriek and scramble to the edges of the room. He ignores the look on your face as he moves closer to where you’re sitting with Fyodor Dostoevsky. He ignores the way Chuuya and Kouyou and Piano Man have all skid to a stop somewhere behind him, trying to figure out what to do. Dostoevsky’s hand is mere inches away from brushing against your body, it would only take the slightest movement and you would be dead. It would be a game of who’s faster: Dazai’s trigger finger or Dostoevsky’s ability. Dazai’s always been quick to pull the trigger but now, faced with your life on the line, when he should be at his best because of what’s at risk, he finds himself scared and unsteady.

He can’t lose you. He can’t watch it happen.

He paces toward you slowly, steadily, he swears each step he takes echoes across the suddenly silent event hall. He doesn’t stop until the muzzle of his gun is pressed against the back of Dostoevsky’s head.

“Stand up.” Dazai’s voice is deceptively cold and steady for the rage and fear that’s clawing at his chest, threatening to take control.

Dostoevsky turns his head to the side to look at Dazai, faint amusement in his eyes. “Are you sure you really want to do this here, Dazai?”

The mocking lilt his voice takes is almost enough alone for Dazai to pull the trigger. And if that wasn’t, the way Dostoevsky smiles at Dazai like he’s won is certainly enough to push him over the edge.

Before he can, he feels Chuuya grab his bicep hard.

“You can’t do this here,” he hisses quietly. “If you kill him now on neutral territory, we’ll have all of the mafias in the Eastern Hemisphere coming after you and the government on your ass. You can’t do this here and you can’t do it in public.”

Dazai doesn’t care. He doesn’t care how many mafias come after him for killing on neutral territory when invited as a guest. He doesn’t care that the government will come after him for such a blatant murder. All he cares about is getting Dostoevsky away from you.

“Chuuya is right,” Kouyou murmurs, low enough for only Dazai to overhear. “We can cover this up as is. If you pull the trigger, there’s no hiding what happened here. You know better than this, boy. You won’t be the only person this affects if you do this. Think of her. She will be implicated for coming here with you. Lower the gun and let us handle sweeping this under the rug.”

Dazai can’t even bring himself to look at you. He’s scared of what he might find. But he doesn’t even consider lowering the gun, not until Dostoevsky raises his hands and slips off the bar stool to step away from you. Even when he does, Dazai keeps it trained on him, still tempted to blow his head right off his shoulders.

“I meant no harm,” Dostoevsky says smoothly. “I was intrigued, wanted to know the girl who’s managed to capture your interest. I must say, I see the appeal. Beautiful and intelligent, you have quite the eye, Dazai.”

Dazai’s lips stretch into a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s not kind, and it’s mildly feral, and Dazai’s pretty sure he must look entirely deranged from the way Dostoevsky’s eyes widen in a mixture of surprise and entertainment, just enough to be noticeable.

“If you ever go near her again, I’ll put a bullet through your fucking skull, Dostoevsky.”

He should do it now. He should. Fuck Chuuya and Kouyou’s warnings, he should put a bullet in his head and be done with it, move onto handling Christie so that both of the major threats to your life are gone. But he can’t. If he takes this opportunity now, if he kills Dostoevsky so blatantly on neutral territory, the Pale Flame and Three Deaths will come at him in full force, and Dazai is sure the Red Chamber won’t be far behind them with Cao’s recent interest in expanding his business into Japan. And you’ll be caught in the crossfire of all of it, Dazai has ensured that by bringing you here. Dostoevsky must have accounted for all of this. He knew that Dazai would be put in a situation where either way, whether he kills him or lets him go, he’d be throwing himself onto a blade.

Is that it? Killing you wasn’t the goal, was it? Exposing Dazai was. Forcing him into this impossible decision.

Did he really just fall into Dostoevsky’s hands so easily? Even with all of the forewarning the other universes have given him?

It’s you. You always make him reckless, his mind is never as sharp whenever you’re involved, muddled with thoughts of you, plagued with spirals of paranoia and anxiety that make him double guess himself. It’s like this in every universe—he becomes stupid, he becomes rash, he becomes careless. It’s you.

You.

Suddenly very hyper aware of your eyes on him, Dazai lowers his gun, gaze turning in your direction. Dostoevsky lets out one last snide comment, something toward you, telling you ‘don’t you see’ but Dazai doesn’t even process it, heart in his throat as he looks at you. He doesn’t know what he expects—fear, betrayal, even anger. He’s not prepared for the emptiness. He can’t read a single emotion on your face, your eyes eerily void of any feeling as you stare at him.

He says your name quietly. His voice cracks. He should be embarrassed, so many people watching the scene play out, so many of his enemies and allies and subordinates, and he’s staring at you like a lost child with an unsteady voice, but he can’t bring himself to care. The fingers of his free hand are trembling, and the ones wrapped around the grip of his gun are so wound so tight that his knuckles are white.

You’ve never looked at him like this before. Not in any universe.

He thinks he might throw up.

You’ve been mad at him before, scowling at him whenever he distracts you from your work and snarling whenever he makes messes that he never cleans up, but your eyes always stay soft in spite of the venom you spit. He’s seen betrayal on your face a few times before, screaming at him through tears when he got a bit too close to a successful attempt, cursing at him for trying to leave you, but you hold him so gently that it makes up for the harsh words. You’ve been scared of him once, when he lashed out so badly during one of his slumps that he nearly hurt you, but even then, you were more concerned for him then you were scared for yourself, speaking to him softly to settle him down.

He’s never seen this. He wants it to go away. Desperately.

“I’d like to leave,” you finally say after a few moments of silence, and your voice is so vacant of emotion that it leaves him feeling even more sick.

Dazai nods, because he can’t bring himself to speak.

He holds his hand out for you, waiting for you to take it.

You don’t.

You haven’t spoken a word since the event hall, and Dazai doesn’t know what to do. He used to find peace in silence—for years, he’d become accustomed to it, isolating himself from everyone around him, keeping everyone at arm’s length. The most he ever spoke was a few sentences to give out orders to his executives; his voice had become hoarse and raspy over the years of self-imposed isolation, unused to being utilized. But the past few months with you have utterly obliterated any semblance of comfort Dazai had found in solidarity.

It’s become entirely intolerable, the silence is making him sick with anxiety; he has hundreds of lifetimes worth of memories with you and he can’t even vaguely predict what to expect from you right now. You’ve been tense and cold since leaving the event hall. Dazai tried to open up a conversation in the car once but found himself promptly ignored. Chuuya tried to say something to you but only received the same cold shoulder. Even Albatross tried to lighten the mood when the four of you got in the car, but all you did was stare out the window with your back to Dazai.

Now, you’re back up in his penthouse with him. You haven’t sat down. You’ve hardly budged from where you’re standing near the elevator—Dazai wonders if you’re scared of him now, if you want to be as close as possible to the only exit in fear of him lashing out at you. The thought makes him even more nauseous.

He doesn’t even know what to do with himself. He doesn’t want to sit down, he’s uncomfortable standing in the living room, waiting for you to say something, and he can’t bring himself to try to break the silence because if there’s one thing he learned very swiftly, it’s that he can’t handle being ignored by you. He’d prefer anger and hate to the stonewall iciness you’re giving him.

He can’t even fathom what you might be thinking right now. You’re not looking at him. You’re staring at the window that looks over the city, he can see the bright flashing lights from Cosmo World flickering faintly in your eyes. It’s so quiet that he can hear the distant honking of horns, police sirens coming from the streets below.

He just wants you to say something, do something. Yell at him. Scream at him. Hit him or punch him. Anything is better than this.

It feels like an eternity before you finally move away from the elevator. You still don’t speak, but Dazai watches raptly as you make your way into the kitchen. You fling open the cabinets, searching for something, and Dazai’s lips part to ask what you’re looking for but he decides against it. You stop with your jerky movements when you catch sight of the numerous bottles of sake Dazai has stored in his cabinets—room temperature, because Dazai can’t stand cold drinks, they make his teeth hurt. He watches you struggle to uncap it and his body itches to move toward you to help but he knows it won’t do any good. It’ll probably just piss you off more.

When you get the cap off, you’re immediately bringing it to your lips. One. Two. Three. Four large gulps before you put the bottle back down on the counter and turn to look at him. The emptiness in your eyes is gone, replaced by something caught between hurt and anger and betrayal. It makes his heart sink, but he thinks it’s preferable to the emptiness.

“You lied to me,” you finally rasp out, shaking your head as you pace behind the counter. There’s a whole length of a room separating the two of you and Dazai longs for your touch but he forces himself to stuff his hands in his pockets and keep still. “You lied to me, Dazai.”

“Osamu,” he corrects quietly without thinking, not liking the switch up. He’d finally gotten you to call him by his given name earlier in the night, he doesn’t want to lose it so quickly.

For the briefest of seconds, the hurt and betrayal in your eyes disappears and only fire rages in them. “Dazai,” you spit out pointedly.

Dazai almost draws back, not having expected that. In all of the other universes, you’ve always been gentle with him even when you’re livid. You speak his name softly, even with a tight jaw and fisted hands—his given name, you’ve never used his surname against him like this before. Probably because most of the major fights he had with you in those other lives, it was months into the relationship; it’s only been a few weeks in this life so of course-

Dazai realizes, a bit dizzy, that he’s about to lose you.

You found out too soon. You found out through Dostoevsky, through Dazai's own loss of control. You found out in the worst possible way and you found out too soon.

Dazai is about to lose you.

“Okay,” he murmurs, not wanting to test your temper anymore, giving in as a means to try to soothe your anger, regardless of how much it might wound him because being wounded is nothing compared to losing you. “Dazai.”

His compliance seems to do nothing to quell your anger from the way you just scoff and shake your head again, looking away from him. You stare out over the city, dozens of emotions cloud your expression but Dazai still can’t predict what you might do next. He feels out of his depth, in murky waters with an anchor tied to his ankle.

“I knew it, you know?” you finally say quietly. “I knew it from the beginning, honestly, but I kept making excuses for you. I mean, the guns. The secrecy. You weren’t really subtle about it. Did you think I was stupid, or something?”

“Never,” Dazai says honestly, without hesitation. He sees your gaze flicker down to the ground at his words, but you don’t make any move to speak again so he takes the opportunity to, in hopes that you’ll finally listen. “You’re the smartest woman I know. I-”

You interrupt him with a sharp laugh, it’s loud and almost cruel, and Dazai turns in on himself at the sound of it. He feels small and unsteady, like a child who’s being scolded by a parent. When you look at him again, your eyes are wide and wild, half-crazed in sheer disbelief. You don’t believe him. Of course, you don’t. It’s plainly displayed on your face. And why would you anyway? He’s given you every reason not to.

“If you think I’m so smart, why didn’t you think I would figure it out?”

He tries to say that he knew you would. That he’s been living in fear for weeks that you’d finally see him for what he is but when he opens his mouth to say it, no words leave him. Like he’s frozen in fear, ice crawling through his veins, stones weighing on his tongue; he can’t respond, and he knows that he’s only condemning himself more. He tries to force something out but he can’t even make the barest hint of a sound. The mindkiller. He’s never responded well to fear, much less when you’re involved.

You click your tongue, as if to solidify that his silence proves your point, or maybe you know what he can't bring himself to say and you just don't believe him. His stomach churns again, and dread spreads through chest when you say: “If I’m so smart, and I was going to figure it out anyway, why didn’t you just tell me?”

“You would have left.” Dazai is finally able to speak, but he speaks the wrong answer, clearly, from the way you let out another humorless, breathless laugh, eyes wide in disbelief. You look at him like he’s the most audacious man in the entire world. Maybe he is.

“Yeah, I would have,” you agree and Dazai flinches. “Without hesitation, without even looking back. And now, I can’t because you made me fall in love with you without even warning me about what I was getting myself into.”

Dazai’s heart should be leaping through the roof at your confession, but if anything, he feels even worse. His throat feels clogged and his chest feels so heavy. You’ve never regretted falling in love with him before. Not in any lifetime.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, because he doesn’t know what else to say. The words are still foreign on his tongue, he doesn’t think he’s ever apologized to someone in this life before the last twenty-four hours.

“No, you’re not,” you say bitterly, looking away. “Isn’t this what you wanted? For me to care so much about you that when you finally tell me who you are and what you do, I won’t be able to leave.”

Dazai stares at you, lost. He remembers how just the other day he was finding comfort in the way you could read him so easily, knowing he didn’t have to speak for you to know what he needed at the moment. He thinks he hates it now, because you’re finally reading deeper into his soul and seeing him for the sick, twisted monster he really is. Just like he feared from day one. Manipulative. Selfish. Undeserving. His fingers tremble in his pockets, nails biting into his palm so deep that he can feel blood trickling down his skin, but not even the stinging pain can distract him from the numbness spreading through him.

“I didn’t-”

“Didn’t what?” you interrupt him. “You didn’t think I’d be upset? You didn’t think I’d be angry? Or maybe you didn’t think it would happen this soon? Is that it, Dazai? You thought you’d have more time to win me over in hopes that I’d take the news in stride. News flash, Dazai, no amount of time or charm would have made me accept this easily. Accept you easily. How could I ever accept any of this?”

Nausea rises to his throat so suddenly that he almost gags. He feels dizzy, taking a step back so that his back is against the wall, keeping him steady. Your last words echo through his head over and over again, he can’t escape them. The one person who’s always accepted him in every lifetime, the only person he was ever able to find a home in—how could I ever accept you?

His cheeks feel wet, his eyes are wide as he stares at you. He doesn’t know how to respond to that. He doesn’t even think he could if he knew how to respond to that. His lungs are burning and his throat feels so swollen that even just the thought of trying to speak is painful.

You let out a sharp breath, caught between a hysterical laugh and a sob as you press your hands to either side of your neck and pace across the kitchen. “What am I supposed to do, Dazai?” you ask, voice hoarse. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

He thinks it might be a rhetorical question, but he still forces out: “Don’t leave me.”

You scoff again, louder and harsher this time. Dazai’s eyes flutter shut as if to futilely minimize the blow. “I wish leaving you was still an option for me.”

Oh. He’s going to throw up.

He wants to blame it on the alcohol he drank earlier in the night. He wants to blame it on the stress of the past few weeks. He wants to blame it on anything but this, even though he knows damn well that this conversation is what triggered the bile that rises to his throat. He forces himself to move, nearly tripping over his feet to get to the bathroom because he doesn’t want you to see him vomiting up his guts.

He hardly makes it to the toilet, crashing to his knees and clutching at the seat as he dry heaves. Nothing comes up—he hasn’t eaten enough the past few days to have anything solid in him, too busy with preparations—but he can’t stop gagging, eyes stinging with tears and throat burning. He doesn’t know how long he stays crumpled at the toilet, losing track of time entirely, a part of him just wants to stay there forever so he doesn’t have to go back out and face you.

Evidently, he doesn’t have to go back out and face you because you come to him.

He’s gagging again when he feels your hand brush his back, hesitantly at first and then firmly. Your touch is warm, and Dazai thinks he must look pathetic as he turns his head to the side to look at you. Your expression isn’t as harsh now, your eyes are still conflicted but your face is softer. After a moment, you take a seat on the floor next to him—you don’t say anything, but you let out a soft puff of air as you slip your arm around his shoulders once he stops heaving.

He crumbles into your chest, body collapsing against yours. You wrap your arms around him, and at once, the numbness starts to fade away. His fingers clutch at your dress desperately, afraid that you’re going to disappear, but you only hold him tighter. You bury your face in his hair, forehead pressed to the top of his head.

“You’re so unfair, Osamu.” Your voice cracks, you’ve lost all of your fire, but Dazai finds no solace in it.

“I know,” he croaks out, throat scratchy and voice wavering. “I know.”

And then words are spilling from his lips before he can stop them, jumbled and hardly intelligible and he’s not even sure that you’re understanding what he’s saying but he can’t stop himself: “I tried. I tried to stay away, I tried so hard, you don’t understand. I knew it would turn out like this, I knew I would ruin you so I tried to stay away, but I’m selfish. I’m so selfish, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I knew better, I’m going to-you’re going to-”

The panic is returning, the words he wants to say but can’t push out are too damning: I’m going to get you killed. You’re going to die because of me. Dazai is breathing but the air isn’t getting to his lungs, his chest burns, and now even with your arms around him, the numbness is returning. It’s rapid now, spreading from his chest to his arms, down his abdomen to his legs; it’s going to consume him entirely, he can feel it, he can-

Oh.

Your lips press to his. Tilting his head back to angle his face up toward you, you lean down and press your lips against his, swallowing his words, his air, his panic. One of your hands cup his cheek while the other cradles the back of his head, Dazai can hardly kiss you back, his lips feel cold and prickly, but his eyes flutter shut as your lips move slowly and carefully against his.

Not for the first time, he thinks that he doesn’t deserve this. Especially not now. He tastes something wet and salty against his lips—he doesn’t know if you’re the one crying, or if he is, and he doesn’t want to know, so he forces himself to move. His arm feels heavy and clunky, and his fingers feel stiff, but he’s able to bring them up to your face, palms cupping your cheeks as the tips of his fingers tangle into your hair. He kisses you until his lungs are screaming for air, and even as he starts to feel lightheaded, he kisses you still, because your lips are the only thing able to push away the numbness overwhelming him.

When you break away from him, you keep your foreheads pressed together, nose nudging against his. You share the same thin sliver of air and Dazai feels dizzy, he wants to kiss you again but he doesn’t think he’s capable of moving yet, so he only stays crumbled in your arms, waiting for you to grace him with your lips again.

“I wish I still had the chance to be a better man,” Dazai says hoarsely, honestly, gaze searching yours desperately. “I would be. For you.”

Please believe me, he thinks to himself helplessly, because it’s the truth. He would try to be. For your sake. He might fail, he might be too far gone, his soul corrupted beyond salvation and his blood black beyond purification, but he would try. He would try so hard for you. But he can’t, not in this lifetime, not without risking everything he’s strove to protect since coming in contact with the Book. He has to stay the criminal, the monster, the demon so that you and Odasaku can live out your lives here. Until Dostoevsky, Christie, and any other person that could turn out to be a threat to either of you are killed, Dazai has to keep playing this role. He has to.

You don’t respond. Dazai thinks it’s because you don’t believe him and it makes him feel sick again. His lips part to repeat himself but you only press yours against his, as if to silence him.

You don’t believe him, the kiss confirms it, and his heart sinks but he can’t even bring himself to protest, to insist that it’s true. Instead, he decides if he can’t prove it through his words, he’ll prove it through his actions. Even though his limbs still feel leaden and clumsy, he forces himself into a better position, sitting up a bit more and bringing both of his hands up to cup your cheeks. He tilts your head back, leaning into you and slowly pressing you back against the floor and distantly Dazai recognizes that this is not the place for this but the thought is only fleeting, he’s too lost in the feeling of your lips against his and your body pressed to him.

And you let him ease you back against the floor. You let him tilt your head back and when his tongue darts out to swipe against your bottom lip, you part your lips for him. He doesn’t have to knock your knees apart, because you spread them just enough for him to slot his hips between them to keep your bodies flush. He wonders if you can feel how clunky his movements are—his fingers still feel heavy against your face and he can hardly hold himself up above you. He hopes he’s not crushing you with his weight, he might be, but you don’t seem to care.

He pulls back to ask if you’re okay with this but you chase his lips and he lets out a soft, muffled noise when you tug gently at his bottom lip and bring your free hand up to cup the back of his head, fingers tangling with his hair, pulling him back down to you. You drag your lips from his to slide them down his neck to the edge of his bandages. He twitches a bit at the feeling, wondering if you’re going to ask to take them off, but instead, you just trail your lips back upward, nipping at his jaw, and he shudders.

And then he finally hesitates, pulling away and not letting you chase after this time. He weighs his options in his head anxiously. He feels like he should do something, that he owes something—a lowering of a mask, a show of vulnerability, you’re entitled to at least that much after everything he’s done. Aren't you?

You give him a curious look and he tries to respond—he does, his lips part for him to speak but nothing leaves them. He swallows thickly, eyes fluttering shut as he braces himself before trying again, bringing one of his hands to yours and wrapping his fingers around it gently, lifting it from his chest to the bandages covering the left side of his face.

“Take them off,” he tells you, voice hoarse and shakier than he would have liked.

Your eyes widen, and he shudders a bit when your fingers smooth against the bandages, uncertain. “Are you sure?” you ask him softly, bringing your other hand to his opposite cheek, cupping his face in your hands again, eyes searching to make sure he means it.

Is he sure? Dazai doesn’t know. He can’t speak again as he stares down at you; a part of him is nervous, and he doesn’t even understand why. You already know who he is, what he is, but a part of him still fears that once you actually see him, something will change. And it’s ridiculous, so many other universes you’ve seen him without his bandages and you’ve never made him feel uncomfortable about it. But you’ve also never used his surname against him during an argument in the other universes, you’ve never regretted loving him, and you’ve certainly never wished you could leave him.

So, yeah, he thinks the anxiety of you removing his bandages and then seeing him in a different light might be more of a possibility in this universe than any other one. His body is more covered in scars than not, and he knows it’s not attractive; he thinks if he sees your expression shift in a negative way when the bandages come off, it might shatter him entirely.

Just the face bandages then, he bargains with himself, swallowing thickly as he forces himself to nod. You sit up from where you’re still laying back against the tiles, propping yourself on your knees to shift closer to him.

Dazai thinks his heart might be in his throat when he feels your fingers unclip the clasp holding the bandages together around the left side of his face, eyes fluttering shut as you slowly unwind them from around his head. He isn’t sure why he’s so nervous for this part—there are no scars on his face, but he still feels distinctly vulnerable, like he’s giving you a window into himself that might reveal more than he means to. He can barely breathe as he feels the last of the bandages fall to the floor, he can hear you push them to the side.

Still, he keeps his eyes shut, counting each second that passes. He’s anxious, can’t even bring himself to look at you until you cup his cheeks again.

“Look at me,” you say quietly.

Dazai does as you ask, he always does. He doesn’t know what he expects when he opens his eyes to meet your gaze; he prepares himself for the worst, for a twisted expression or thinly veiled pity, but he finds none of it. Rather, your eyes are soft and fond, tracing over his face, looking between each of his. He can feel the pads of your fingers gently brushing over his cheekbones, tracing absent patterns.

“You’re so handsome, Osamu,” you whisper, one of your hands sliding behind his head, intertwining with his hair. “Why do you wear them?”

Dazai doesn’t know how to answer that. His throat feels swollen at your words, eyes a bit misty and fingers trembling against your thighs. Instead, he breathes out, “Kiss me.”

And you do.

God, when you kiss him again, it’s so intense that it has his head spinning. He doesn’t know how long he sits there kissing you, back against the cabinets with you half in his lap. It could be a few seconds, or a few minutes, or a few hours—he has no concept of time whenever his lips are against yours. It’s only when you press your hand against his shoulder, murmuring for him to get up, that he finally pulls himself away from you.

Dazai forces himself to push up to his feet—it’s much more difficult than he thought it would be, nearly tripping over his own feet, but you follow him up to your feet, steadying him when he almost tumbles over. You bring your hand up to rest against his cheek, fingers gently toying with the edges of his hair. He leans into your touch, eyes fluttering shut for just a moment before he forces himself to look you in the eye.

“You’re so frustrating,” you say softly, but all of the fire is gone, replaced by that same soft look you’ve directed toward him—not him—hundreds of times before. “You are so frustrating, Osamu.”

His throat feels tight again, the sound of his name on your lips causing a wave of warmth to spread through him, the numbness slowly subsiding.

“I know,” he whispers, swallowing thickly, and you sigh, gaze averting to the side for a moment before you look back at him. He still can’t fathom what you might be thinking and it scares him.

But then you kiss him again, your other hand coming up to his other cheek and his hands fly to your waist, holding you close. You walk him backward, out of the bathroom and into the hallway. His back hits the wall and you press your body close to his, and this time it’s you whose tongue is darting out to brush his bottom lip, urging him to part his lips for you. He does, and he thinks he might be in heaven when he feels your tongue dip into his mouth, sliding against his tongue. His eyes flutter shut, rolling back just a bit when you trace the back of his teeth with your tongue before sucking gently on his bottom lip.

Your hands slide down from his face to his chest, over his jacket, down to his waist. Your fingers hook in his belt loops and Dazai groans as your lips ghost from his down to his jaw, breath shaky as trail slow, wet kisses to the sensitive spot behind his ear. He can hardly do anything but follow along as you guide him from where he’s been backed against the wall into his bedroom, dazed and entirely consumed by your touch. His head already feels a bit fuzzy, breath hitching as your teeth graze his pulse point, kissing down to the edge of his bandages and then across his throat.

He barely even knows where he is until he feels the back of his knees hit his bed and he topples backward until he’s laying flat on it. His chest is heaving, head dizzy and breath shaky as you straddle his waist. You don’t kiss him again and Dazai wants to drag you down for another but he can’t even bring himself to move. His body refuses to cooperate, nervous that he’s going to make the wrong move.

“Do you want this?” you finally ask after a moment, voice raspy as one of your hands squeeze his gently, as if to get his attention.

Dazai’s brows furrow a bit, lips parting to respond but for a second, no words leave them. You wait with the patience of a saint as Dazai tries to process what you’re asking and respond to it. After what feels like an eternity, he nods once. Of course, he wants it. You search his eyes as if to make sure he’s not just agreeing to agree, and once you’re satisfied, you continue you with:

“And do you trust me?” you ask softly, your gaze gentle as it searches his face for the next answer.

Dazai doesn’t hesitate this time, and he speaks as he breathes out, “With everything.”

He can’t tell what you’re thinking, but your expression is still soft and your touch is still gentle as you run your thumb over his knuckles. Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the gentleness you show him. You lift your hand to cup his cheek and he leans into your touch, throat spasming beneath his bandages as he waits for you to say something.

“Let me take the lead then,” you say quietly, his eyes widen a bit at your words. “I want to try something.”

He watches you carefully for a moment, guarded and studying you. He thinks this might be another first, and the thought alone makes him feel a bit giddy because he can’t recall any other life where you’ve ever been the one to take the lead like this, especially the first time the two of you sleep together. You look a bit anxious the longer he goes without responding, so he nods and says, “Okay.”

He’s pliant beneath your touch as you lean down to press your lips against his; he lets out a soft, muffled noise when he feels your hips shift, unintentionally grinding down a bit on his straining cock. He’s more hesitant this time in the way his lips move against yours, unsure of what to do with himself. His fingers twitch from where they're resting on the bed, itching to grab your hips but not wanting to make the wrong move.

This has happened every time one of you tries to take the next step, either he gets interrupted or he ends up getting cold feet because he’s scared of doing the wrong thing and making you uncomfortable. And it’s ridiculous because Dazai has so many memories, he should know at least vaguely what you like and what you don’t like but he thinks having the memories are a double-edged sword because he overwhelms himself if what ifs: what if he assumes you like something and you end up not liking it in this universe, what if he does something that you only liked after the two of you have been together for a while and you’re uncomfortable with him doing it because you’re not as comfortable with him. Maybe Dazai is just overthinking it all but how can he not when you’re involved. He wants everything to be perfect for you.

“Is this okay?” you whisper, separating your lips from his just enough for him to answer your question. Your breath mingles with his and Dazai can hardly think straight; it’s hot, dizzying, there’s something so intimate about it that it makes his body fuzzy.

“Yeah,” he says, eyelashes fluttering as he looks up at you. “It’s okay.”

You kiss him again. His lips move against yours desperately, needy, he’d be embarrassed if you weren’t matching his energy, but you are. He can feel your fingers tugging at his hair, your hips grinding down against his. Every time you start to pull away, he lifts his head from where it’s laying flush against the pillows, chasing your lips.

He needs you. His hands slide from your thighs to your waist, keeping your body pressed to his. He’s needed you since the day he came in contact with the Book and learned about you, since the day he met you at the club, maybe even since the day he was born even if he hadn’t known it at the time. He thinks his entire life has led to this, to the two of you being together; your souls have been entangled since the moment you were born and he isn’t sure how he ever thought a life without you was possible.

“I need you,” he gasps against your lips, hips jerking up just a bit to try to alleviate the pressure building in his lower abdomen, desperate to reach down and unbutton his slacks, but wanting you to make the first move.

Whatever nerves that have made him get cold feet all of the other times the two of you have tried to take the next stop are long gone. You don’t give him any time to wonder if he’s doing the wrong thing—the fingers of one of your hands intertwining with his dark locks, just tight enough to make him hiss into your mouth, eyes rolling back at the pleasant sting. Your other hand slides across his chest, even through his dress shirt, your fingertips seem to scorch through to his skin, leaving his body tingling everywhere you touch.

“You have me,” you tell him, breathless, and Dazai can’t bite back the noise that slips from his lips, wanton and obscene, borderline pornographic—if he was any more coherent, he might be embarrassed but he can’t find it in him. Not when he’s finally getting what he’s wanted after all of this time.

His hands fly down to his slacks, he fumbles with the button and zipper before yanking them down just enough to free his cock and he watches as you sit back on his thighs, eyes wide and lips parted as your gaze focuses in on his cock, watching as the leaking precum dribbles down his length, alongside the vein running along the underside of his cock.

“Please,” he breathes out, fingers biting into your thighs as he bunches your dress up to your hips, another low moan spilling from his lips just at the thought of what’s about to happen, lashes fluttering.

You don’t even take off your panties, clearly driven by the same desperation that he is as you slide them to the side and position yourself above his cock and Dazai gnaws at his bottom lip when he feels the tip pressing against your entrance. He can feel how wet you are already, so drenched that your slick is dripping down the length of his cock. His hips stutter up instinctively, but instead of pushing inside, his cock slides between your folds and he whimpers, arm flying to cover the lower half of his face. You don’t let him, fingers wrapping around his wrist to pull his arm from his face and pin it to the mattress above him.

“Don’t hide yourself,” you say softly.

Dazai thinks there must be stars in his eyes as he looks up at you. You’re so beautiful, lips parted as you pant softly, an adoring expression on your face as you look down at him. He loves you. He loves you, god, he loves you more than he’s ever loved anything in his life; he thinks that nothing the other Dazais ever felt for any of the other yous could ever compare to how he feels for you.

When his tip starts to push into your tight hole, all he can let out is another loud, lewd noise; his head falls back against the pillows. His ears are ringing, but distantly, he can hear you gasp. His vision is blurry as he forces himself to look up at you but Dazai thinks you look otherworldly with your head tilted back as his cock starts to stretch you out, lips swollen and wet from the kisses you’d shared. He thinks he must look insane, pupils blown wide and eyes wild as he tries to focus on the sight of you. All of the clever wheels that usually turn within his mind are crumbling.

His fingertips leave crescents in your thighs as you sink down on his cock slowly—too slow, it leaves his head dizzy as your warmth slowly envelops his length. He’s imagined this so many times before. Dozens. Hundreds. He has so many memories of the feeling of your body flush to his, thighs over his shoulders as he fucks you deep and slow, swallowing your moans, but he thinks that nothing compares to this, the sight of you above him, watching your body tremble and face shift as his cock stretches you out. He barely refrains from letting out a string of strangled curses, barely able to hold his eyes open to watch you.

You give yourself a moment to adjust, and when you do, you look down at Dazai. He thinks he must look a mess—chest heaving, breath erratic, eyes heavy and lidded and entirely glazed over—but he doesn’t care, not with the way your hand slides up his abdomen, fingers tracing patterns along the bandages covering his body. You look beautiful—you always look beautiful—but you look extra beautiful right now, and he thinks he could stare at you forever and never tire of it.

Experimentally, you roll your hips—it’s still slow, agonizingly slow—and Dazai throws his head back, another obscene moan spilling from his lips.

“Fuck,” he gasps, his fingers falling from your thighs to twist the sheets below him, knuckles white. “Feels so good. So good.”

You let out a hum that’s caught between a moan and agreement as you continue the slow rolls of your hips, hands sliding up and down his abdomen in a way that’s deceptively innocent and soothing compared to how his cock is dragging along your walls. His body shudders at the feeling of it, heat pooling in his abdomen so quickly that it has his whole body tensing as he tries to push it away.

“You’re so perfect.” Words spill from his lips, more of a babble than anything else as you lean down to ghost your lips over his jaw, nibbling over the bandages covering his Adam’s apple. It bobs beneath your teeth as he lets out another shaky noise. “S’like you’re made for me. I’d do anything for you. Anything. You know that, right? Anything you want, it’s yours.”

He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, clawing at the sheets and occasionally reaching for your thighs, and he doesn’t know what to do with his body, hips jerking up at an erratic pace, like he’s trying to meet your pace but his body simply can’t match the slow rolls of your hips, desperate for more. He doesn’t know how you’re so put together—maybe you’re not, he can see through a blurry vision how your lashes are fluttering with each roll of your hips, breath shaky, but you’re just not as far gone as he already is.

“Anything?” you murmur, and he can feel your lips curve up against his neck.

“Anything.” His breath hitches, fingers reaching for your hips as he rocks his up into you, a desperate attempt to get you to pick up the pace. “‘d give you the whole world, burn it for you, anything you want, I’d give it to you.”

His hands slide up from your thighs to your waist as you lean down to press your lips against his in a deceptively innocent kiss. He tries to chase your lips as you straighten up but you don’t let him, one of your hands curling around his throat—not choking him, but firm enough that it goes right to his cock, lips parting in a silent moan—while the other braces back on his thigh.

He thinks that nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of you picking up the pace. His breath hitches, he chokes over a moan, stars sparkle in his vision as the tip of his cock presses deep inside of you. You sigh out his name and Dazai thinks this might be the closest he ever gets to heaven: you on top of him, cock buried to the hilt in your cunt, the sight of your blissed out face above him as his head spins.

“Oh, fuck,” Dazai cries out, back arching and hand flying to cover his face again but the hand you have on his thigh flies forward to snatch his wrist before he can, pinning it back above his head. Dazai’s eyes roll back, you’re leaning over him entirely now, leaning most of your weight on the hand that’s pinning his wrist but the new angle adds pressure onto how you’re squeezing his neck, paring his airways just enough to make his lungs burn. “More. Faster, fuck, I-ah-”

His voice falls off into another moan, head falling to the side to press his cheek against the pillow. He thinks drool is starting to pool at the corner of his lips but he doesn’t care, he can’t even think at this point, too lost in the lewd sound of skin-on-skin, the sloppiness of his cock fucking deep in your cunt, your soft moans and gasps, lost in the feeling of your tight walls clamping down on his cock, the warmth, the wetness, your fingers digging into his wrist and the sides of his neck. He wants to tell you that he needs more but the words are garbled, entirely unintelligible.

He forces his eyes back open, feeling the tears spilling over his cheeks just from the intensity of it all, the intensity of you. You’re gentle with him even when your hand is wrapped around his throat and his cock is splitting you open—he can feel the soothing circles you rub with your thumb, he can see the way you’re searching his face to make sure he’s okay. Dazai is just so overwhelmed that he can’t stop the way his next moan breaks into a sob; acutely realizing just how deprived he’d been of any type of care or love before meeting you, and forcibly coming to terms with the fact that he is never going to be able to go without this again, without you again. He’d known it to some extent before this, the thought of losing you and the light you bring him has made his stomach churn violently but this…

He’s torn from his thoughts when you suddenly stop the rolls of your hips, halting the spreading heat in his lower abdomen desperately. The noise that escapes him is something caught between distress and betrayal, dark eyes wide as he looks up at you questioningly, but the expression on your face makes his breath catch. Your hand slides up from his throat to cup his cheek, your other hand releasing his wrist so that you can hold his face between your hands, thumbs wiping away the tears spilling over his cheeks.

Distantly, Dazai recognizes that he’s still choking over sobs and that’s probably why you’ve stopped and that only rips his chest apart more because of course, you’re still putting him above you—even when you’re mad, even when you’ve just fought, when he’s betrayed you in a way that should be unforgivable, you’re still kissing away his tears and putting aside your own needs to take care of him

He doesn’t deserve you. Not in any universe, but especially not in this one.

He thinks he could stay here for eternity. Fuck the rest of the world. Fuck the Port Mafia. Fuck his plan. He just wants to stay here with you, your lips brushing his, sharing the same sliver of air. He leans into your touch, groaning against your lips when he feels your walls spasm around him.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathes out, unsure if you can even understand him. “You’re so-”

His words fall off into another moan, and he can’t control his hips as they thrust up sharply against yours, another string of incoherent curses escaping his hips as your breath catches and you straighten back up, head falling back as you gasp his name.

Your nails dig crescents into his upper thighs through his bandages as you brace yourself back against them. You move your hips again—faster, this time, harder, and Dazai thinks his head is in the clouds. He’s so deep inside of you that he can feel everything, jaw falling slack as heat spreads through his body too rapidly for him to get control over. He wants to throw a hand over his mouth to muffle the lewd, pitched moans spilling from his lips but he can’t drag his hands from where they’re clawing at your hips, desperately trying to help you meet him with each thrust.

“I-hah-shit, I’m gonna-fuck-”

He slurs out your name and several obscenities, trying to warn you that he’s going to cum when he feels his cock twitching inside of you and his abdomen tensing, but you only lean down to press a lingering kiss to the corner of his lips and Dazai is gone. He wants to watch you, he tries, but he can’t hold his eyes open, they’re half-rolled back as he chokes over moans of your name, hips stilling as he cums deep inside of you. His body twitches, expression twisted as he presses his head so hard into the pillow that he thinks he might permanently indent it.

His head is spinning, lungs burning, sweat beading at his forehead and hair matted to his face—he thinks he’s never cum so hard in his entire life; all of the nights he spent alone, desperately trying to fuck his hand to the thought of you in attempts to mimic how you’ve made all the other Dazais feel, to give himself some semblance of the pleasure you’ve brought him in other lives to hold him over on particularly lonely nights, they’ve never felt like this.

You don’t stop, even as he squirms and lets out jumbled pleas beneath you, body shuddering at the overstimulation but you’re too lost in chasing your own high now. He spasms beneath you, nails digging into your thigh as you fuck his cum deeper inside of you, bouncing on his cock desperately. He doesn’t care that the sensitivity is pushing his body to the brink, letting you use him however you want if it means he gets to see you like this.

Dazai’s head feels light, pins and needles pricking his body—he thinks he might pass out but he forces himself to hold on, enraptured by the sight of you on top of him with your eyes half-rolled back, lips parted and throat bared to him. Your tits are half-spilling out over the low-cut of your dress and Dazai thinks you’re fucking divine. The only holy thing in this godless world. He wants to spend the rest of his life worshiping you.

“I’m gonna-” you gasp, head falling backward as one final roll of your hips that has your clit grinding against his pelvic bone sends you spiraling over the edge.

Dazai wants to sear the image of you behind his eyelids, watching as your nails drag against his thighs, drawing red lines even through the bandages, back arching, head tossed back—your body is trembling violently as you cum on his cock, expression twisted and entirely blissed out, sobbing over his name. He chokes and gasps at the feeling of your cunt tightening around his sensitive cock again, jaw tight and spots dancing in his vision as he’s so abruptly pushed over the edge a second time, the coil in his abdomen tightening and snapping all within the span of a few seconds.

He’s still reeling when he feels you slump forward onto his chest, burying your face in the crook of his neck, shivering in the aftershocks of your orgasm. He’s only half aware as he instinctively brings his hands up to rest on your hips, rubbing soft circles of your hip bones to try to soothe you.

He shudders when you press a kiss to his neck right at the edge of his bandages, and then tilt your head up to press another on his jaw. One of your hands comes up to caress the back of his head, fingers carding through the dark locks in a way that has his eyes drooping shut.

“We’re not done with this conversation,” you finally say after a few moments of silence, voice soft, breaking the silence. Dazai stiffens a bit, lips parting to respond but no words leave them. “... but let’s just lay like this for a while first, okay?”

He lets out a shaky breath, still not entirely convinced that he’s not going to lose you, so he lets his eyes flutter shut as he nods. He may as well bask in this for as long as he can, and if you notice the way his fingers dig just a little deeper into your skin after your words process, you don’t mention it.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, “okay.”

Dazai wakes up the next morning and you’re nowhere to be seen. The bed is frighteningly cold next to him and his heart is instantly in his throat. He doesn’t waste a second before he’s sitting up in bed, looking around, eyes wild and heart racing. He doesn’t settle down, not until his eyes fall upon where you’re sitting curled up on the chair of the desk he never uses, eyes trained on the dark clouds outside the window, the beauty of the sunrise wilted by a morning storm.

“His intention was to make me leave you.” You’re not looking at him, but you must have heard him sit up. “Fyodor Dostoevsky. The things he told me, they were to make me leave you.”

Dazai doesn’t move an inch, throat swelling. He forces himself to ask, “What did he tell you?”

He isn’t sure if he wants to know.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say—Dazai thinks that it definitely does, but he bites back the questions that rise to his tongue because you’re clearly not about to budge on your answer. “Who is he?”

“A monster,” Dazai bites out, bitterness seeping into his tone as he leans back against the headboard, eyes still trained on where you’re curled on his chair, gaze distant. “You have to stay away from him.”

“Well, I didn’t intend on seeking him out,” you say it so dryly that Dazai nearly finds humor in it. Nearly. The smile that rises to his lips is mirthless at best. You turn to look at him, finally, and Dazai finds only cool indifference on your face; the fondness, the softness, the gentleness from last night are all gone. He wonders if you regret it, but he doesn’t let that thought linger, it’ll only make him sick. “... He doesn’t seem like the type to give up.”

“He never is,” Dazai murmurs, ignoring the brief, questioning look you direct toward him, mind drifting off to all of the Russian’s incessant attempts to take you from him in all of the other universes. “Did he tell you what his plan was?”

Dazai doubts it, but maybe there was something he said to you that shed some light to it.

“He didn’t have to,” you say quietly. “He wants Yokohama, for whatever reason—couldn’t figure that out, I think he’s looking for something—and clearly, he has to get through you to get it. He thinks the best way of getting through you is by taking me away from you first. That’s what I’d gathered from how he was talking at least, what he was saying about you, the way he was phrasing it. I’d put together enough on my own during the night to fill in the blanks. He told me things about what you’d done as… what you’d done as boss of the Port Mafia—things you’ve done to enemies… to allies. He told me that I’d see the real you as soon as you realize that the meeting he set up was a farce; that the mask you put up would crumble and I would see you for the demon that you are.”

Dazai doesn’t respond, jaw tight as he averts his gaze to the window—he’d played right into Dostoevsky’s hands. He can hardly bring himself to look at you; he wonders if you do see him differently now that the cloud from the night before has worn off, but he can’t bring himself to ask. Now’s not the time anyway, there are more pressing matters.

“... He’ll come after me again, won’t he?” you ask quietly. “Getting me to leave you willingly didn’t work. If he’s so set on me being the trigger to your downfall, then he’ll come after me again.”

He would. As he always has. Of course, Dostoevsky would try to get to him through you, he’s tried it in every universe, and Dazai hadn’t been careful enough. He hadn’t been smart enough. He’d known this was going to happen and was still arrogant enough to believe he could somehow prevent it. He was a fool, and he was a fool at the cost of your safety. He doesn’t know how to respond to you, he doesn’t want to confirm your suspicions, he doesn’t want to admit that this is all his fault, that he knew this would happen and was selfish enough to pursue you anyway.

“... I’m scared, Osamu,” you finally say quietly, and you suddenly look a lot smaller from where you’re sitting on his desk chair, hunched over with your knees tucked to your chest. “I’m really scared.”

Dazai’s heart claws up to his throat and he pushes himself out of bed, still dressed haphazardly in his suit from the night before. He makes his way over to you and kneels in front of you, hands curling around your ankles as he looks up at you.

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he tells you, voice a bit more raspier than he intended for it to come across as. “I don’t care what I have to do to ensure it, how low I have to stoop. I will not let anything happen to you, do you understand?”

Your eyes meet his, and he can’t help but notice that doubt still riddles your gaze as you search his face, as if you want to believe him but can’t bring yourself to. A pit starts to grow in his stomach, wide and gaping as he realizes that this is all really about to happen, and one mistake on his part could lead you to the same fate you’ve met in so many other worlds because of him.

Finally, the doubt slowly clears as you let out a soft breath, nodding, and Dazai inhales sharply, laying his forehead against your shin as he lets his eyes slide shut.

He won’t let it happen. Not again.

again there was NO plot development in the smut - you guys didn't miss out on anything, pinky swear. i restructured the scene to fit the only notable scene (bandage removal) into the part before the smut, so if that felt a little forced, that was why </3 it wasn't supposed to be there. i was struggling trying to figure out how to move it upward a bit. the only arguable "plot" development was dazai letting go of his control freakiness to let her take the lead

#ᡣ𐭩 carina’s archives #dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai smut #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #dazai osamu smut #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd smut #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs smut #bungo stray dogs x you

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flipidifloppody · 9 months ago

Text

𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐱/ 𝐦.𝐬

summary: you and the sturniolos have been best friends since you were born due to your moms being close friends. it's your 19th birthday and your having a massive house party. when it comes to the sturniolos coming over matt randomly keeps staring over..

‼️warnings‼️: smut (quite abit). pet names (ma, baby etc) swearing, alcohol.

I have been best friends with the sturniolos for 18 years now, my closest one of them all being matt. We were so close no one could seperate us, ever since we were kids. It was my 19th birthday and I am having a party at this resort house my mom booked for me. Loads of kids from school and outside of school was coming. There is gonna be alcohol and probably drugs if people bring it. Idk. But it was now two o'clock and i needed to start getting ready before it hits 5:30pm. I hopped in the shower and began to wash my hair thoroughly trying to look my best for the party. I'm so nervous it's unreal. I continue to wash my self and quickly jump out the shower and wrap a towel round me and sit down on my desk.

I began to prep my face by doing my skincare adding primer invetween that too. I then began to do my makeup. A few hours later, it was now 4pm i was just in the middle of picking out my outfit still in my towel when i got a notification from instagram, i quickly opened it to see who it was or if it was something for the party.

@matthew.sturniolo

hey what time is the party?

uhm sometime around half five ?

yeah sound fine see you later then

bye matt see ya

I start sliding on the dress that i picked out. A black satin dress that fit my body perfectly. As i slipped the straps over my shoulders I looked down at my dress then smoothed it out with my hands abit then pairing the dress with a pair of black high heels that went well with the dress. I stood in front of my full body mirror and stared at myself for a minute before running my fingers through my curled hair loosing it out abit. I smiled at myself in the mirror as i picked up my black juicy couture purse, clutching it in my hands as i turned the knob of my door and walked out of it.

I hopped into my car and put in into reverse as i was going to the place of the party to set up and lay out everything perfectly. I had called matt over to help me since he had offered before hand.

I pulled into the driveway of the massive house that my mom had rented out. I felt so special knowing that all this was just for my birthday. I then saw a familiar face standing in the doorway waving for me to come over to him. matt. I quickly picked up my pace as i walked steadily in my high heels over to him.

'you look beautiful' matt said as he was looking me up and down slightly looking down more than up.

i smile and say 'you don't look to bad yourself'

he was wearing a black ransom t-shirt and some blue loose jeans with his car keys jangling on the belt hole.

we both laughed together for a while as we were talking about our life and how long it's been since we've all seen each other and hung out together

'you know i really missed you y/n' matt blurted out

i smile at the comment and my cheeks flush a baby pink 'i missed you too matt , quite allot actually'

'well we better head inside and start to decorate huh?' he suggested i quickly nodded as he took my hand and basically dragged me inside. When we walked in i we in shock as i looked at the high ceilings with balconies on the second floor looking down to the first. It was beautiful.

after a while all the decorating was done it was around twenty past five and i heard cars start to pull into the drive.

there was a knock at the door. i quickly grabbed the handle and turned it to reveal most of my friends. i greeted them and let them in and started to turn on the music and get ready for what i thought was going to be a 'normal' party

it has been a while since the party had started now, but i decided to head upstairs into one of the spare bedrooms to rest my head abit as it was really noisy downstairs. the music quickly muffled when i was walking into the first room which was free. Most of them were taken because i'm pretty sure people were fucking in there or some shit. I got in the room and was quick to kick if my heels and practically jump onto the bed. I was sat down peaceful when i heard some muffled bangs and crashes in the en-suite next door

i decided to go in there since i was curious. When i walked in i saw matt sat on the floor of the bathroom with his phone in one hand and in the other hand was him stroking himself.

my mouth completely dropped.

As his head flung back against the bathtub with his eyes squeezed shut he started muttering something under his breathe which oddly sounded like my name

this couldn't be happening right now. we have been best friends for years. after a second of standing in complete shock i finally spoke up. 'matt..?'

he looked up at me in complete disbelief 'oh.. shit i'm so sorry y/n i'm really s-'

i cut him off by kissing him passionately adjusting myself onto his lap whilst putting more depth into the kiss.

as soon as it broke matts jaw was swung open. it was like he had seen a ghost. Moments after he was quick to turn us over pinning me to the cold floor and quickly lifted my tight dress to the bottom of my chest.

'always wanted to do this to you ma' he said before shoving two fingers in me causing me to scream out and take a clump of his hair into my fists.

'f-fuck matt'

he quickly sped up his pace while grasping onto my thighs with his free hand

'you like this huh?'

i was quick to nod as he pulled his fingers out when i was just about to reach my orgasm. he chuckled to himself as i threw a straight face right at him signalling to him i was now pissed off

'why the fuck matt?'

'yeah yeah i'm sorry baby'

he quickly stuck his fingers in his mouth licking them clean and taking them out with a 'pop'

i had my eyes shut and was quick to open them at the sound of a belt unbuckling

he took his dick out as it sprung against his chest and stoked himself a few times before lining up with me

'you ready ma?'

'fuck.. yes matt'

he quickly slammed into me staying still for a minute whilst i adjusted to his size. i gave him a nod signifying to him that he could pick up his face. Trust me he was quick with that. i instantly screamed out and grasped onto his shoulders for support as my legs wrapped around him letting him hit me from a different angle. His tip basically kissing my cervix as he thrusted into me.

i screamed out as he put his hands over my mouth to try and prevent people from downstairs to know what was happening.

'now baby you don't want them hearing now do you huh?'

i shook my head no before rolling my eyes to the back of my head and clenching around him

'fuck baby if you keep clenching around me like that i won't last much longer'

'matt i'm gonna cum'

'cum all over my cock ma i wanna see your pretty face aswell'

with those words of relief i let out realesing all over his dick he wasn't long after as he pulled out and shot white strips of his hot cum onto my chest

he collapsed on top of me making sure not to put much weight on me

'you okay baby' he said sweetly whilst caressing my cheek and kissing it lightly

i nod my head gently

'cmon let's get you cleaned up and i'll run you a bath aswell'

i just smile at him whilst getting up.

@astrolynnworld @strawberrysturniolo @lovingmattysposts @lovingchrissposts @plasticferal @sturniololoverr

#Spotify #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader

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tartppola · 5 months ago

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mx tartppola do you read twst fanfics,, and if so do you have any good ace fic recs,,

omg... it shames me to say this but... not as much... bcs these days all i read r google translated fics of crowley & the yuulis fics i commission from my mutuals 😭😭😭 IM SORRY GHGHHGG i will!! also i mostly stick to x reader... rarely do i go for canon/canon fics for twst... but !! i'll still give recomendations! of fics i rlly like ( it's all one shots 😭 )

oomf nepotism + writers i think r rlly cool!

@traumxrei-archive

@stormgardenscurse

@spadecentral

@ceruleancattail

@fluffle-writes

tumblr fics i rlly like ( mixed so some headcanons, some oneshots, all x reader )

otome isekai au villainess reader ( ft ♠️ )

encouragement from beyond ( ft ♠️ 🐺 🍎 🐊 )

blanket hog ( ft ♠️)

rainy day ( ft ♠️)

ace doing your makeup

ace and deuce having the same crush ( ft ♠️ )

firsties slipping to a sleepover that fem reader is in ( ft ♠️ 🐺 🍎 🐊 )

pomefiore!ace

basketball club w s/o who eeps on their chest ( ft 🦈 🐍 )

and there was ONE bed 😳

undisclosed passion

ace patching you up

adeuce walking with you ( ft ♠️ )

heartslabyul jealousy headcanons ( ft 🌹 ♠️ ♦️ ♣️ )

angel ace

adeuyuu hcs ( ft ♠️ )

cuddling with ace

kissing adeuce when they ask ur lipbalm flavor ( ft ♠️ )

how adeuce fantasize abt their crush ( ft ♠️ )

adeuce bday kisses ( ft ♠️ )

adeuce fighting to confess first ( ft ♠️ )

things you do that make adeuce fall harder ( ft ♠️ )

model ace

aceyuu ramble

another aceyuu ramble

lovestruck ace

ring in orange proposal

adeuce period comfort hcs ( ft ♠️ )

ace jealous of others falling for you

hot things ace does

housewarden ace

streamer ace getting a gf

you're what's missing in my life ( ft 🦈 🐍 )

when you know you know

love beyond words ( ft 🐺 🐙 )

shenanigans ( ft ♠️ 😼 )

sweet sleep ( ft ♠️ )

ace with knight reader

traitor ace ( cw yandere )

good luck kiss before match ( ft ♠️ )

tropes to lovers ( ft all nrc boys )

best friend ace

"someone" decides to ask you for your opinion about "their friend" and you decide to tease them. ( ft ♠️ ⚔️ )

cupid is so dumb

soft mornings

devotion of a contrarian

airheaded s/o ( ft 🌹 ♠️ )

another beautiful day ( ft ♠️ 🐺 🍎 🐊 )

"what outfit should i wear for the date?"

oooo you wanna kiss me so bad ( ft ♠️ 🐺 🍎 🐊 )

it's definitely, absolutely, not love

you wish to kiss me? ( ft 🌹 ♠️ ♦️ ♣️, genderbend )

red and blue ( ft ♠️ ) ( cw yandere )

falling too deep too fast ( ft ♦️ 👑 🐊 🐍 ) ( cw yandere?? )

the joker and the queen ( ft ♠️ )

behind the teacher's back

heart-shaped kisses

tell it to my heart

"i'm losing my appetite" ( cw hurt/comfort )

nightfall ace

ace + sun

movie night

haunted house date with ace

you doing ace's makeup

amuse me ( ft ♠️ 🐺 🍎 🐊 )

what made your friends think you're dating him ( ft 🦁 )

high school romance with ace

how he says i love you

he's absolutely smitten with you ( ft 🍩 )

poly with adeuce ( ft ♠️ )

fooling no one

heartshackle relationship analysis ( ft ♠️ 😼 )

stay by my side ( ft ♠️ ) ( cw yandere )

christmas with poly adeuce ( ft ♠️ )

cuddle pile! ( ft ♠️ 🐺 🍎 🐊 )

^sequel to the cuddle pile ( ft ♠️ 🐺 🍎 )

stars by the pocketful ( ft 🌹 ♠️ ♦️ ♣�� )

poly adeuce with affectionate s/o ( ft ♠️ )

waking ace up in the morning

adeuce yan teamup ( ft ♠️ ) ( cw yandere )

sending your crush a survey form ( ft ♠️ 🐺 🍎 🐊 )

can i go where you go? ( ft ♠️ 🐺 🍎 )

come close, i won't bite

unrealized feelings

foxboy ace

your speckled face

reader confesses and immediately runs away embarrassed ( ft ♦️ 🦈 ☀️ )

competition ( ft ♠️ )

come inside of my heart!

longform fics/series

a reverie until recently ( i commed this! poly oysterjuice post nrc au i put it here bcs it's my list!!!!! u dont have to read it )

hearts held out of harm's way ( same author! reccing the tumblr version instead bcs cool logo :D poly adeuyuu )

three people, who share one soul ( fic series, will they won't day adeuyuu )

how to get the boy : a guide by yuu & ace ( first adeuyuu fic i downloaded on my phone aside from my comms and nath's sebek one shots!!! i love it sm even after all this time GRAHHHHH i liked it even during my malleus phase bcs it was so cute! )

#“i dont have many reccs ><” i said and then i pull up w this list #waaa.........#i was considering not putting yan fics but..... i trust y'all to curate your reading experience and not read it if ur uncomfy with it ^^#ace trappola #twst #ace trappola x reader #noticing the amount of adeuce x reader.......fork spotted in kitchen moment............#i answer stuff

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danihow · 10 months ago

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Love hurts

Han Seojun x producer!Reader True Beauty

Summary: Falling in love with someone who doesn´'t loves you suck, but it sucks more watching them hurt.

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: unrequited love, han seojun is in love with jukyung, bad written, not proofread, angst.

A/N: i needed to do this to get this man out of my mind, my god why is he so perfect and so unreal.

You never thought love could hurt, not when it was such a beautiful feeling.

Working as a producer has been your dream all high school, being scouted by a Move Entertainment agent as a freshly graduated person was probably the biggest blessing you've ever received in the last 5 years.

You still remember your first day at the company as an apprentice of the bigger producers, sitting at the back of their studio in the couch and watching them come up with ideas, lead the idols and modifying simple sound onto a whole ass song.

Your heart felt so full of emotions that day you swore you could've cried from happiness even thought you were mistreated by other staff, you remember vividly how your face hurt from smiling on the way home.

Your shoes clacking against the tiled floor echoed through the empty halls of the huge building, it still amuses you to this day the was the floor never seemed to get dirty, always reflecting as if it was a mirror.

However, even if you could spot everything on the floor you still missed the person you were walking into, your head colliding against his tall back, startling out of your mind.

"Yah!" A man's voice flooded your ears before your eyes looked up to who you have crashed into, locking with brown foxlike eyes. "How do you manage to bump into the only other person in the floor?" He says, looking into you intently.

He was the prettiest man you've ever met, and even that was an understatement. The way his eyes complemented the rest of his face, his dark hair in a mullet giving him a mysterious and cool vibe that was just highlighted by his all-black outfit. It was probably the most memorable thing about that day.

"I'm sorry." You mutter, bowing a bit and smiling apologetically.

"It's okay, just look where you're going." He tells you in something between a reprimand and some advice, between polite and cocky. "You're a producer?" He asks, more for him than for you as he spots your producer badge hanging from your neck.

"Oh, yeah, I started today. I'm L/N Y/N." You smile politely at him, who nodded and gave you a weird smile back.

"Nice to meet you L/N Y/N, name's Han Seojun." He said before he continued walking, a small greeting bow before looking away. "Have a good night."

As the weeks rolled by you learnt from your superior that Han Seojun has a new trainee and was already relatively famous as it was too. Your encounter with the boy becoming more and more frequent the more he started practicing and the more you advanced as a producer. The two of you becoming close work friends rather quickly.

As the months turned into years and the level of comfort grew between the two of you the more your feeling for him surpassed the limit of friends, his laugh enticing a newfound warmth in your chest anytime you heard it, his eyes appearing in your daydreaming more and more often. Everything about him changing in your eyes to something else. Nonetheless, as your feeling for him grew with your friendship so did the secrets you knew from each other.

Even though you like him a lot you knew very well how much he liked Lim Jukyung, and you couldn't get mad at it, she has been in his live for far longer than you and is just and angel to be around; if anything you would've fallen in love with her too if you were Seojun.

"Y/Nie, you have done more than enough with those tracks, go home." Your superior mentioned as he walked in the studio, passing you a bottle of water and sitting by your side.

"Something is missing..." you mutter, your back aching from sitting in the same chair for so many consecutive hours, mouse scrolling through the track in the monitor for the nth time in the past half hour.

"You can review it tomorrow, go and rest." He said once again, pulling you away from the computer, your hands stretching as far as they could to keep on working until you were out of reach. His hand grabbing the mouse and saving the track. "Go." His voice was stern but with a hint of fondness, a soft smile on his face as you oblige.

Grabbing you bag and saying your goodbyes you walked out of the studio, opting for using the stairs as your exercise for the day. Eight flight of stairs you were kind of regretting your choice, but you were no quitter, so you kept going. "God my back's killing me." You whisper for yourself as your rub your neck tiredly, putting your coat on until a sound picked up your attention.

Instantly your mind went back to that one-time Jukyung playfully told you she heard from her sister that there was a ghost around the building, seemingly having been haunted herself a few times. "Aigoo..." You mutter, freezing in place as your ears try to pick up the sound again; a few seconds pass and you hear it again, however it seemed to be a sob.

Concerned and a bit less scared you kept on walking down, careful to not disturb whoever it was that cried silently. A few floors down you were met with the figure of a man, sat down in the stairs as his body shook painfully as he cried, his soft sobs flooding your ears and you wished to all the heavens above you were mistaking the silhouette with someone else.

Please, don't be him.

You took a few steps down, the closer you got the clearer he became before your tired eyes. "Seojun?" You asked in a whisper, close enough to crouch down and place your hand on his shoulder.

It shouldn't hurt so much to see the way he flinched at both your voice and your touch, his hand flying to push yours off as his face refused to turn towards you.

With a sigh you sat down beside him, not a word leaving your mouth as you looked ahead of you, giving him the time to do whatever he wanted with his appearance before you looked at him, letting him know you are not forcing anything out of him but instead offering him your company.

A few seconds passed by, maybe a whole minute before he kept on crying, hand trying so hard to muffle his voice as his tears never stopped flowing down his cheeks. Slowly you turned to look at him, taking the time to take in his appearance before sighing again. It hurt a lot to see him so broken.

"It's okay to cry it out, don't silence yourself." You whispered softly, hand slowly reaching for his and taking it off his mouth, a sob immediately following after. "I can leave if you want me to." You said, giving him a few seconds to react, taking his silence and lack of eye contact as a sign and stood up.

"Wait.... don't go," he said in a choked voice, hand flying to grab your wrist, eyes finally looking up at you between his tears. "Please."

"You don't have to ask me twice." You say, a soft and sad smile on your face as your crouched down in front of him between his knees, hands resting now on top of his cheeks and brushing away his tears. "You wanna talk about it or just exist for a while?"

Your tone was so sweet and full of patience he just felt like crying again, sniffing he kept silent, eyes roaming through your face and not once finding your company insincere. "I let her go." He whispers back, his eyes appearing as an open book for you to read, his mouth pouting and his eyes tearing again. "It hurts."

"I know it hurts, and it hurt to love her too, didn't it?" You ask, brushing a few stray hairs off his face and behind his ears, a mannerism you took upon on as his hair grew between haircuts. "I'm so sorry."

"Why does it hurt so much?" He said while desperately looking into your eyes for an explanation, his own hand clutching his chest as if trying to take his heart out. "Why do I had to love her out of everyone?"

He sounded so broken, so exhausted of his feelings it made you teary too, a burning sensation starting at your throat threatening to choke your upcoming words.

"You don't choose who to love, just how she didn't choose not to love you." You mutter, blinking away the stinging in your eyes. "It's part of life as much as it sucks." You whisper, shuffling in your feet that hurt from crouching for so long. "Love hurts, it's dumb how much loving can hurt when it's such a beautiful feeling, huh?" You can't help but chuckle at your own words, how ironic.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles after a while, his hands brushing off the last of his tears as he has now calmed down a lot more, you still crouching in front of him, never once taking your attention away.

"Don't apologize for being human." With a smile your hands sneak up to grab his and stand up, pulling him with you. "Come on, let's go and get some air. away from this creepy stairway." With one of your hands you clean his face of, not wanting anyone to see he was crying as your other hand never loosens around his.

As you walked down the stairs with him trailing behind you Seojun couldn't help but notice how secure your hand held his and how your presence soothes him, a small grateful smile on his face.

"Thank you, Y/N." He mutters as you drag him along, not once yapping or complaining of this ruining his tough image as he would've done every other day.

"That's what friends are for." You smile at him over your shoulder, because even if Han Seojun doesn't love you back, love hurts and it's part of life.

#han seojun #han seojun true beauty #seojun #han seojun x reader #seojun x reader #han seojun fluff #seojun fluff #han seojun fanfic #true beauty #true beauty scenarios

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sleepypanda27 · 1 year ago

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Lovers

Bucky x reader

Summary: You meet Bucky at a concert your friends made you go to and fall for him.

Words: 1,049

Your friends made you tag along with them to a concert. You tried to like the music, you really tried. But it just wasn't in your taste. Not that it was bad maybe if you'd been in a different kind of mood, you would like it more.

A couple of people danced, and others stood in their spots, swinging along with the music and singing along. Your feet started to hurt, so you decided to ditch your friends while they enjoyed music and headed to the bar instead. At least the concert hall was beautifully decorated for Christmas.

You ordered a glass of wine and went to find a place where you could sit. By the brick wall were placed benches. Almost everything was taken, except one.

"Is this seat taken?" You asked the man sitting on one of the benches close to the entrance back to the hall where you still could hear the music. He was buried in his phone, reading something.

He looked up at you, and you noticed a small smile on his lips. "No, please sit." He took his glass of amber liquid from the seat. You sat down, took your phone out of your purse, and browsed social media to pass the time.

"Don't like the concert, huh?" The man beside you observed.

"Not really my kind of music." You turned, facing the stranger. Undeniably, he was good-looking.

"Same here. I'm James by the way." He introduced himself with a smile. "But please call me Bucky."

"Y/n." You returned the smile, slightly blushing.

"So I guess it wasn't your choice to come here?"

"No. My friends dragged me with them. I didn't have a choice."

"Me too, I don't know why I even agreed to go, I have to work early in the morning. But now, after meeting someone in the same position, I'm not mad." He chuckled.

"Im happy my suffering brings you joy." You couldn't shake off the feeling you had seen him somewhere before. "Sorry, have we met before?"

"I don't think so, I would definitely remember if we had met." He assured.

"You seem so familiar." His eyes looked like he had experienced a lot. More than a man his age should experience.

"I get that a lot." He shrugged.

"Are you a singer?" He had a charm. An old-fashioned charm.

"Only in my shower." He chuckled. "But I'm not sure if I'm good at it."

"What's with the gloves?" You asked, noticing he was wearing black leather gloves.

"Bad circulation." He shrugged nonchalantly.

After talking a little, you both walked around and chatted about everything. You were so into the conversation you almost missed a step and tripped. Bucky caught you, holding your waist and arm. "Careful, doll. You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks." You blushed, holding onto his thick arm.

You found a place away from most of the people. Almost half of the wall was a window. It was dark outside, and it was slowly snowing. The low light outside was illuminating and making the snowflakes sparkle. You could still hear the music from the stage.

Bucky held out his hand for you. "Dance with me." The way he was looking at you felt like you were the only girl in the world. He made you swoon and you couldn't say no.

You placed your hand in his, and he pulled you closer to him, placing his other arm on the small of your back. It felt magical. The snow, the string lights wrapped around the window arch, the faint music, the man you were dancing with, it felt almost unreal.

Bucky pulled back a little to look at you as if pondering his next move. The lead singer announced the last song, bringing Bucky and you back to reality. You returned to the main concert hall.

Both of you stood in the back, looking for your friends. Since none of you could see your friends between the people, you stayed in the back by the exposed brick wall.

You shivered at the cold gust of air that flowed through the doors. The dress you were wearing didn't do much in terms of keeping you warm. Bucky noticed and took off his jacket, draping it over your shoulders, leaving his arm around your shoulders.

"Thanks." You pulled it tighter around yourself. It was warm and had a lingering scent of his cologne on it.

"Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?" He asked, without thinking, leaning close to your ear.

"What?" You weren't sure you understood right what he said over the music.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?" He almost shouted.

"I would love that." You smiled. "Give me your phone."

He unlocked his phone and gave it to you. You added your phone number to his contacts and gave it back to him.

"I'll call you." He smiled, placing the phone in the pocket of the back of his pants.

The last song ended, and people started clapping and cheering as the musicians bowed and thanked the crowd.

"There he is." A blond-haired man who seemed to be his friend approached. "Hi there." He greeted you, a little surprised.

"Hi." You responded to the stranger. You had a feeling you also had seen him somewhere before.

"We have to go." Bucky's friend said.

“Do you see your friends?” Bucky asked you.

You looked around and saw one of them who was looking at you weirdly. "Yeah, I see them."

"Good. You'll be alright? Can I leave you?"

"Yes, Bucky, I am a big girl and can take care of myself." You chuckled.

"I’m just making sure.” He smiled. After saying goodbyes, he waved as he was pushed away.

“Wait, your jacket!”

“You can give it back when we'll meet next time!” Bucky shouted as he disappeared into the crowd.

"Do you know who you were talking to?" Your friend asked, surprised.

"You mean Bucky?"

“Bucky freaking Barnes.” She looked at you with wide eyes.

“That wasn’t…wait…that can’t be.” You looked the way he went and back at your friend who had googled his photo. “Oh my god, that was him!”

“Why did he leave you his jacket?” She asked, confused.

“He asked me out.” You grinned, barely containing your excitement.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky fluff #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes

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bronx-bomber87 · 4 months ago

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Hello my wonderful fandom family :) Thanks for being so patient with me. I know I have till January but I am moving/slash road tripping at the end of Sept to a new state. Which is a HUGE change. Going two time zones ahead and everything. So wanting to get it out there before I move and have even less time LOL Also thank you for wanting to take this journey with me. S6 was hard on all of us.

Haven't had a show rock me this hard in a very long time. So I'm forever grateful for the love and comments these in depth reviews get. Never want to take that for granted. This was a ROUGH season to say the least. But I’m excited to dissect it with decompressed eyes and somewhat healed shipper heart. Be lying if I was saying it was fully healed. But was a much needed break for me. Let us begin shall we?

6x01 Strike Back.

Premiere starts off with a literal bang. They’re all trying to figure what is actually happening. The mastermind clearly not the man they just took down in Luke Moran. Also loving how scruffy Tim is in this first shot of the premiere. The stubble all over that gorgeous jawline of his. Mmm. Delicious dusting. Love to break me off a piece. Wouldn't be a review if Feral Caitlin didn't make an appearance would it? ha God he's beautiful I can't help myself. This is his fault really.

Anyway back to matter at hand.... Lucy points out Luke may have been a patsy for the real crime. Diverting all their resources to this this one spot instead of their real target. Our girl always being the brains and Tim being impressed by it. They go hand in hand. You know that man loves her brain. Her intelligence is just one of many reason's he fell in love with her. Fun to watch her flex it I have to say.

There’s so much to love about these shots in the shop with them. The Metro call sign being one of them. It does things to me. It’s just sexy. Also the automatic way she’s paired with him in this moment. Like anyone else would be in that car with him but still. Ever the packaged deal. Just the little things I always love so very much. They don’t share shops anymore. So this is a treat. Riding together, brainstorming, and just being the bad ass team they always are in the field. Makes my shipper heart happy to see it.

After the Federal Reserve mayhem we skip 6 weeks into the future. I always wondered what happened in those six weeks with our ship. Probably nothing massive tbh. But be fun to know what shippy goodness could’ve occurred. I imagine they had some time off after that. Spent it together and decompressed from the madness. Just a nice thought to think about is all. *cough fic writers cough.*

We start off our cuteness with Lucy in Tim’s office studying. There’s so much to love about this scene it’s unreal. Let’s start with Lucy taking residency in his office like it’s hers. Knowing it’s a quiet place for her to retreat to. Also I’m sure Tim offered it up long ago for her. Which makes me giddy to no end. He’s not the least shocked that she’s using it. Only that she’s not out on patrol. Married status continues to level up in this moment.

Lucy explains she’s fallen way behind in her studies. OT is killing her atm. I can’t imagine how stressed she feels. Lucy is our resident academic. Not having the time to nerd out on her studies has to be killing her. It’s why she reaches out to her man for help. To pivot this in a different direction. Something that worked for Tim when he needed studying time. Asking if she could ride with him today? Could quiz her between calls.

Getting flashbacks to 2x02 when she helped him study between calls for his exam. I always love the callbacks they do for them. Continuity is ship crack for me. I eat it up. He accepts and Lucy is beaming. Their smiles in this scene are so adorable. Couldn’t be more in love if they tried tbh. I remember thinking how much I missed our idiots in love so much. I'll be this way for S7 too. I miss them.

Tim looks excited for this challenge. You can see it in his face above. But he is also letting her know how hard it’s going to be if she wants him to do this. That it’s probably not going to solve her problem. But he’s willing to expand her knowledge base on wildcards. This way she can take any curve balls Primm has to throw. Lucy’s smile is everything when she thanks him. Relieved her man is gonna help her her out. I mean of course he would. Nothing he wouldn't do for her and she knows it.

I remember seeing the funniest post for this moment before it aired. How it was her basically asking ‘Babe, please be mean to me.’ LOL Lord knows this woman is well aware he wasn’t gonna take it easy on her. Just like the old days. It's where she learned the most. So it makes sense she would wanna dip her toe back in that pool.

Tim is ready to roll. Starting his ‘boot’ engines back up. Don’t tell me it's not a little bit of a kink for Tim. That man is too damn excited to be able to boss her around again. That being said says she learns best when she’s pissed off. I mean he’s not wrong…No one knows how to teach her better than he does. Lucy counters by saying does she? Or is this is just giving him permission to be an ass?

Tim letting her know if that’s really how she feels she doesn’t actually want his help. Lucy backtracks and is desperate for him to guide her with this. Saying she needs it. Tim is lighting up like a Christmas tree. You know that man LOVES her needing him professionally. It’s been awhile since she has. He’s excited. Lucy has been a self sufficient cop for long time now. Hasn’t needed his guidance for quite some time. So for her to come to him with this he is a happy camper.

Tim is thrilled to put his T.O. hat back on for her. They have such married energy through out this scene. Lucy telling him she doesn’t like his excited smile. Tim deflecting saying it's just his smile haha The absolute wifey look she gives him is hilarious. They just be flirting freely in the hallways. Like they aren’t completely married at this point. Even though he’s driving her insane she follows him out with an 'in love' smile. She loves her ass of a boyfriend haha

They hit the road and Lucy is still questioning her decision. Oh my girl. Saying maybe should’ve chosen Harper or Lopez instead…Tim makes a joke how Angela just got back. Her cop brain is just booting up. Which earns a smile out of Lucy. She loves this man sitting next to her so very much. Written all over her face. Doesn’t take long before Tim triggers a Lucy rant though.

Poor man is just trying to help the woman he loves get through this. Wasn't expecting the time bomb he received. He sets her off by saying no matter who teaches her they all have the same database. That there’s only a 8 percent difference between ranks. This is what ignites the Lucy meltdown above. That Primm is going to use that eight percent to trip her up. His face above when she starts is priceless. Tim is just bracing for impact at this point LMAO Ain't no stopping what's coming his way.

The flood gates have opened and phew lord what a meltdown it is LOL Holy hell. She is the queen of them. I adore how Melissa can shoot off so much dialogue in one breath. It’s impressive af if you ask me. Also makes me cackle so much cause I’ve been her. So many times when I’m under immense stress I do the same. You prattle on until you run out of steam. I can’t believe there isn’t a gif set of this rant so I made one. It’s too good not to have in this review.

It’s the look on Tim’s face that has me ROLLING. It’s been awhile since he’s had an epic Lucy rant thrown at him and it shows. Eric the King of facial expressions is at it again. I’m laughing so damn hard. I remember having to pause cause I was laughing so much at his expression. He most definitely wasn't expecting the rant that he got. If you can look at him above and not laugh you're made of stone. Hang in there Tim lmao Your girl Is worth this intense stress/anxiety vomit she just spewed all over you. It's like he doesn't even know where to begin after she's done. So he just doesn't....

The married energy continues once Lucy has wrapped up her meltdown. Tim being the smart man he is doesn’t say a word. He’s learned a thing or two from this relationship. Lucy though takes his silence as saying everything for him. With her ‘Please don’t.’ Tim trying not to start anything telling her he’s said nothing. He truly wasn’t expecting the explosion he got. Was happy to be a passenger princess today, while he quizzed her through out the day. And instead got an epic freak out right out the gate.

Tim can’t win for losing in this scene. (or this episode really) Lucy telling him she hear him thinking it. I remember there being a Chenford Bingo of some sort before the premiere. And exasperated husband was on there. This delivered that in spades. His reaction after her saying this is gold. Haha This is the woman you’ve chosen to love Timothy. LMAO You know he loves her to death neuroses and all but good lord ha.

Their banter never fails to hit and the marriage vibes on top of this is top tier. I am here for it all damn day. One of those 'When did they get married again?' moments. His look at the end is like he’s chanting to himself . ‘You love this woman…you love this woman...’ Lucy tops it off saying she just won’t sleep till the exam. Leaving Tim to shake his head more and not say a word. Only look out the window as he rolls his eyes. Primo banter and chemistry here. *chef kiss*

They roll up to their first wildcard. I adore the Metro call sign as they do. Tim assigning the crime scene to Lucy as he does. *fans self* I can’t explain why the call sign so sexy. Just is. Also them sharing it on the scene also gets me all in my feels. Tim is telling her that he is there as a resource for her. But she is the one in charge. Asking her what’s her first move?

The Plain Clothes Day vibes are all over this scene and it's fantastic. Another callback I am so happy they touched on. Lucy confidently strides onto the scene and explains her move. Tim tells her to call it in. Love the way she looks at him the entire time she does. Tim asks her what else? This is where Lucy’s confidence starts to wain sadly.

Where that panicked rookie from all those years ago begins to resurface. The way she is talking at Tim trying to figure it out oh my lord. The PCD vibes are so strong. Only this time Tim is helping her out a lot more. Unlike back in S1 he was there to watch her flop around, second guess herself and drown. It’s much different this time around. He truly wants her to succeed and let's her know as much in his responses. Lucy doesn’t see that in this moment though unfortunately.

Tim telling her the obvious boxes are checked but what’s her wildcard? The spiraling is so real for her in this moment. It hurts to watch the anxiety build in Lucy. Tim testing her knowing she can do this but her confidence is eroding in this moment rapidly. He is trying to get her there faster by saying she doesn’t have a minute. Which she really doesn’t when we know how this scene ends…

One of my fav parts of this scene is the line above. The kindness and gentleness Tim has. Because he wasn’t in love with her during PCD like he is now. Here he is trying to be supportive and gently guide her to the answer. Even give her an out for it. S1 Tim never would’ve said there’s no shame in not knowing the answer. Not this directly anyways. Doing his damn best to support her through this. But also help her get to the answer so she learns. Lucy takes it the wrong way though.

Reason being it has nothing to do with the man next to her. That man would die first before not supporting her. Level headed Lucy would know that. Sadly she is not here with us at this crime scene. Who she really is mad at is herself at this point. Because she should know the answer and her brain is stalling out in this moment. Tim told her he wasn’t gonna take it easy on her. But breaks a little with his kind reply. Giving her an out if she wants it. Lucy can’t handle it though...Because she is being far harder on herself for this than Tim could ever be. I can relate so hard to this it's unreal.

I do love the way she says ‘Sergeant Bradford, please.’ Lucy feels like she’s suffocating in her own thoughts. The panicked rush to get this right and hitting a wall. The anger building towards Tim at the same time. The confidence she has built since S3 just melting away the more she stresses. All the while taking it out on Tim. Why you ask? Because in this moment she is projecting that anxiety and stress onto him with her reply. Defense mechanism thy name is Lucy Chen.

Doesn’t take long after that line for the sprinklers to come on….The wildcard revealing itself on its own. We watch as the evidence literally gets washed away and the bullet down the drain….Lucy rushes to chase it and watches as it goes down a storm drain. A reflection for how she feels about her hopes of passing this test…It’s a rough scene to watch unfold for her. The devastation on her face when she realizes that bullet is gone is very rough.

They return to the station and Lucy is as defeated as she can be. Hoping no one knows about it as as she rubs her tattoo. They start to play clown music as she enters. SMH. Tim trying not to laugh. Aaron doesn’t help when he also laughs at her misfortune. Not a good day for our girl….Lucy gets distracted by Wesley being there with the baby.

We get a small sweet departure from her anxiety in this moment. While she has him she wants his legal opinion on her crime scene. He too laughs. These men in her life are the worst right now. Not helping her building anxiety and loss of confidence. Wes telling her she fatally ruined that scene. That she’s gonna need a straight up confession to convict someone. And that’s only if she finds the killer…oof.

We rejoin our beautiful duo staking out the crime scene. Lucy grasping at straws to fix what she so royally screwed up. Her heightened state of spiraling continues on in this scene. Lucy admits she wants to skip the exam. Her face breaks my damn heart. Killing me here Melissa. I do love the way he says her first name in response. Still gets me he can. After years of Officer Chen and ‘boot.’ Just hits differently and makes my shipper soul happy.

Tim tells her she is ready. That man would not tell her she was ready if she wasn’t. Relationship or not that man doesn’t hold back. Wouldn't send her head long into failure. If Lucy was in a better place emotionally she would’ve heard him. Heard the confidence in his tone. Seen the empathy he was exuding for her. This man has changed so much in his time with her.

It sky rocketed when they got together. Tim couldn’t have been more supportive if he tried in this scene. Hell this entire episode. But she is so very stuck in her head. A place Tim could normally shake her loose from. A specialty of his really. He can’t gain an inch of ground in this scenario. Lucy has dug her heels in so to speak that she’s gonna fail. Nothing he says is getting through.

Our girl is experiencing massive amounts of anxiety and self doubt. The panic attack is real. The fact that the one person she would’ve sold her soul for, in order to get his support back in the day, isn’t getting through is a problem. Lucy goes on to say she knows herself. That if she takes this test right now she will fail. Her confidence will die along with it. That it’s better to wait. Tim steps from one minefield to the next with this convo.

When he once again is just trying to be supportive and says ‘Then wait.’ Not only is he being in her corner he gives her something she can do in meantime. Something he hates the idea of. Her going UC while she waits this anxiety/doubt out. If that isn’t him supporting her idk what is. He is also still learning how to be there for her emotionally and she isn't giving him the grace for that. Sadly Lucy isn't in the right mind to see that though. She is just stuck in the mode she's been trapped in all ep.

I get it I really do and empathize with her. I’m the same way when my emotions are in a heightened state. Nothing gets through. I'm frozen in place emotionalIy. I get very doom and gloom as well. Lash out at anyone who isn’t going to be positive and reassuring. Which Tim is doing his best to be. But Lucy is in such a dark state of mind she doesn’t see it. All she sees right now is he doesn’t believe in her and is kicking her while she is down. She needs reassurances right now. To her he isn't delivering that the way she is wanting at this point. Him agreeing with her that she should wait is only making matters worse.

Anxiety is a cruel cruel master. It makes you believe things that aren’t true. Amplifies them to the point that you’re so wound up you’re lashing out at everyone. Even your person. Which is exactly what’s happening with Lucy in this moment. Her accusing him of making it worse with how bad she already feels. When Tim is professing words of encouragement all she hears is him saying she can’t do it.

Tim is desperate for her to know he’s in her corner after this display. Asking her if she heard him? Lucy is distracted by someone showing up to the crime scene. Tim asks her what? Lucy replying that woman was looking at the crime scene while crying. Tim is so sassy in his reply I’m proud of him. ‘Or maybe she just had a frustrating fight with her girlfriend’ heh love this. Calling her his GF always gives me the feels.

Lucy gets a last minute win with this case. Catching this lady trying to get her bracelet back after tossing the gun. Her cop gut serving her well. Sadly Lucy doesn’t see this win as such and it bleeds into this final scene unfortunately. Once again the music is absolute perfection. I’ll post some of my fav lyrics at the end of my analysis of this fight. But first let us witness the incredible chemistry that is Eric and Melissa in this final portion. You know your ship is amazing when even their angst is lightning in a bottle goodness.

This fight I will say when I watched it originally excited me. Because it just showed they’re human. Real. The both of them. They make mistakes and aren’t perfect. How healthy this was for them to get off their chest. Because honestly the UC/detective tension has been building for a long while. This was the boiling point for it IMO. This scene hurt so good to watch. I rewound it a few times before I could process it the first time.

Tim starts off with congratulating her on her 4th quarter win. He’s genuinely so proud of her for bouncing back. Felt like she NEEDED this win. So he makes sure she knows. But like I said earlier Lucy isn’t viewing it that way. Her perception is more than a little skewed atm. Her building anger at Tim has reached it's peak. She is cold to him and brisk as hell. Tim immediately picking up on her clipped ‘Thanks.’ Like she was going to be able to hide her anger and frustration from him. Girl no. Tim asks her what? Lucy shrugging him off once again.

Tim pulls on her arm gently and parrots her own damn words back at her from 5x21. That they’re not gonna work if she’s going to lie to him. Lucy conceding immediately to that. I mean they have a lot to work on communication wise, but they’ve also come really far in this aspect too. Don’t wanna disregard that. Look at Tim confronting this right away and communicating effectively. There are causes for excitement with that growth. That being said they have a ways to go. This fight is proof of that.

Lucy pulls zero punches when she asks if he undermined her today so she wouldn’t make detective? The absolute look of hurt painted across his beautiful face kills me. As you all know I relate with Tim so very much. He is so deeply loyal and loving. That any of his motives are to help those he loves around him. He truly thought he was helping her out today. Being supportive and helpful. So for her to come at him like this is leaving him stunned and extremely hurt.

His person the one person who knows him better than anyone, accusing him of something he would never even fathom doing. I was hurt for him watching this. Last thing he would ever do would be to hinder her intentionally. Loyalty to a fault is having someone else hurt you first before you’d ever do the same. That’s Tim. It’s why he is so defensive the rest of this scene. And rightfully so. I'm proud of him telling her it upset him she would even think that of him. Because IMO he did not undermine her. That man did what was asked of him.

All of Lucy’s pent up anxiety, anger, and frustration comes out full force at Tim in this scene. And my boy didn't deserve it. I was on his side the first time I watched it and I am now. I didn’t see that changing though lol. Do I understand what Lucy is going through? Yes. Good god yes. I've been her. I feel so much for what she's going though. I want to make that very clear. But Tim didn't deserve this barrage against him. Wanna also note i’m so proud of the writers for tackling mental health from the jump with this season. Both our babies got issues and this was the precursor to the season really. We just had no idea at the time....

Lucy assumed all day he was undermining her. Instead of just confronting that fact she sat in it. Stewed in it really. ALL. DAMN. DAY. Which isn’t like her. She is the type to face it right away and voice that to Tim. But didn’t this time. Giving us a little taste of their communication problems early on this season. There’s that saying. 'When you assume you make an ass out of you and me.’ And by the end of this convo Lucy is feeling like an ass. I guarantee you that .

Lucy continues to dig herself a hole when she bring up that maybe it was "unconscious". Not deliberate but also that he couldn’t help it. Which doesn’t make Tim feel any better. Nor would it make me feel any better either tbh….Basically saying he has no control over things he does. Which just insult to injury at this point for him. Then Lucy goes for her next punch below. One I still feel was unfairly delivered.

Does Tim still carry those issues? Of course he does. 100% that is still a weight on him. It’s reflected in the next ep when the subject of UC comes up. But does it belong in this fight with him? No. It has zero place in it. But like I said before she is feeling a loss of control and confidence in herself. So she is projecting her insecurities and feelings onto Tim. By bringing up his and using them to stabilize hers. It's a low blow she is dispatching to him.

She is running from her own feelings about this. She is also protecting herself by making it about Tim and his problems. (Which he has for sure) Because she isn’t ready to face the fact that she’s afraid of UC and all that will come with it. How being a detective on top of it is going to pull her from him even more.

She voiced these concerns in 5x19 when she was originally studying for her exam. It’s easier for her right now to hide in and blame Tim for his problems, than deal with her own right now. Tim’s reaction is so valid in this moment. Because to him all he did was have her back from the jump. He is feels sucker punched by this explosion and it's written all over his reaction.

Lucy asked him to help her. He did. Even told her it wouldn’t be easy and he wouldn’t be soft on her. She accepted the terms of this situation willingly. Tim supported her best he could through her meltdown. Did his damndest to not comment on it. He knows it’s her process to spiral a bit then right herself. Because he knows her so well. He had her back in trying to help figure out her wildcard. She rejected it and drowned.

Tim was calm and kind even if she didn’t recognize it about the exam. When she was doubting herself he built her up letting her know she can do it. Did his best to be in her corner if she truly felt she wasn’t ready. Then congratulated her when she got her case win. To Tim all that was him having her back.

It’s why he’s so blindsided and hurt by her words. Lucy is basically kicking him while he down in this moment and it hurt to watch. Because her anxiety and immense stress has blinded her. Making her act so very not like herself. She came at him with a one-two punch. First punch accusing him of undermining her and second being an unfair Isabel punch.

The K.O. punch really is him reading her face above. The way she looks at him when he says ‘But if you can’t see that then…’ Doesn’t even finish his sentence. He can read her just as well as she can read him. Lucy cannot see that right now. Too clouded by her extreme anxiety and stress to see him and his intentions clearly. So he ejects out of the convo. She has knocked him down for the count.

Tim can’t take the way she is looking at him right now. The way she is making him feel. Tim has always held how she viewed him in high regard. Nothing means more to him than what she thinks of him. So for her to level him with this is heartbreaking for him. So he reverts back to old Tim and clams up. Tells her he’s tired and for them to take the night off. Then walks away from her with no way for her to retort.

Lucy is a block of ice until this line of his. She was fully expecting him to apologize and go home with her. And he did not. He ejected out of the conversation to go lick his wounds. The look of shock on her face is everything. She wasn’t expecting that at all. You can see the panic on her face. That raw panic of her being left behind by him. Of Tim leaving her. The tears building in her eyes as he does this. Oh the painful foreshadowing that is this moment…..

The lyrics for this scene are so poignant and perfect. As is the entire musical lineup for this season. Perfectly encompasses Lucy in this episode and especially this scene. Here are some of my favs.

‘I think I’m losing my mind. I see you’re losing your light. Drowning out the decibels. Do you wanna find the antidote? Trying to watch my obstacles, see how fully I’ve been broke.’ Lucy is so broken in this episode and doesn’t reach out to the one person, her person to help fix her. She was drowning and went to him for the antidote and then refused it the entire time. Then gets consumed by it all.

Just a glaring look into how they both deal with being emotionally overwhelmed and vulnerable. And it’s not a good look for either of them this season tbh. But we start out with Lucy’s where I side with Tim before we go head long into Tim’s and I side with Lucy it's balanced at least lol. Damn good premiere though. I was buzzing with excitement after it.

As always thank you to anyone who read this. To all the likes, comments and or reblogs I may receive you are the best. I shall see you all in 6x02 :)

Side notes-Non Chenford

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Scruffy Tim in this ep has my ovaries in overdrive. Mmm just wanna nom on his jawline like corn on the cob.

Nyla Harper being a bad ass in a tense situation is primo. Can always count on her. The aftermath sucks for her though.

Angela being more excited to see a burrito than her husband is hilarious and so on brand haha

Main baddie gets eliminated at the end of the ep. Not sure I remember why tbh haha Things got hazy at the end of the season for me with the SL.

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earthtooz · 2 years ago

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fluff! rin kisses u, it's kinda like making out but also not, unedited so bad writing, ooc rin??? maybe??? i've said it once and i'll say it again, rin has the personality of an apple.

somehow, you find yourself sharing a ferris wheel cart with itoshi rin.

you cannot recall how you got here, having been talking with bachira and isagi mere moments ago whilst waiting in line for the ferris wheel, you don't know how you ended up alone with itoshi rin.

no- wait, you know exactly how. where you were supposed to be in a group of four, isagi and bachira immediately closed the door on you, blocking you out. as you curse them out, they just made silly faces in retaliation.

it's not like you hated the idea of being alone with him, it's just you had kind of a massive crush on the striker and if you were left alone with him for more than two minutes, you might combust. from embarrassment or from how fast your heart and thoughts race around him, you're not too sure.

either way, the thought of being in such an intimate space with him was really anxiety-inducing.

the worst part of it all was that rin remained his stoic, deadpanned self, unaware of the frenzy that was occurring within your soul. he looked so good in his casual-wear too, dressed in his trench coat and turtleneck- how are you going to function near him?

"thank you," you mutter with a grateful smile when the ferris wheel operator opens the door to the cart.

rin holds it open for you to step in first and you comply with his command. the cart dips when he steps in and where you thought he would take the seat opposing yours, the athlete catches you off guard once again by settling beside you.

you can feel the warmth of his leg pressed against yours.

"enjoy the ride!" the attendant calls out, disrupting your brief meltdown as you wave to her.

oh you were definitely going to enjoy the ride, or maybe come out of it half-alive, who knows.

"so, do you like ferris wheels?" you ask, fidgeting with your hands when you look over to him.

he shrugs. you feel the movement right against you. "i'm impartial. i don't go on them often."

you were surprised he even agreed to go on one in the first place.

"there's some aspect of fun to them," you voice, fully leaning back into your seat to try and relax and act cool.

he huffs. "like what?"

"heights are cool."

"i guess they can be."

"what's your idea of cool then?"

"rollercoasters. haunted houses."

"really? we literally went on so many rollercoasters today and you were straight faced for all of them."

if you looked closer, you would notice the small smile playing along his lips. "doesn’t mean i didn't have fun."

you bump his shoulder. "just admit that you like your friends."

not a single noise escapes him. bastard.

"okay, it be like that-"

"-i like you?” his confession catches you off guard. confusion is etched into his tone, almost as if he was suggesting his tolerance for you.

when you look in his eyes, it's hard to breathe, mostly because you don't know how to take this information. surely it's just platonic, right?

"i like you too," you respond, voice no louder than a whisper. you're not too entirely sure of what to think of your words but he doesn't press upon it.

a part of you feels disappointed that the conversation ends there.

suddenly, you realise just how far the cart has ascended into the air. the ground below you and its people has been minimised to small dots and you get a beautiful view of the water and the city horizon, illuminated by skyscrapers and the lights of people's apartments.

"the view is so pretty! rin, look-"

just as you look at the soccer player, he leans forward and the next thing you know, his lips are on yours.

it's messy, it's unreal, it's exhilarating. his hand comes up to hold your head against his, keeping you in his embrace as you inevitably relax into it, welcoming his warmth. a warmth that you miss immediately when he pulls away, leaving the kiss too short for either of your liking.

rin's looking at you expectantly. you blink once, twice, three times before coming to your senses; senses that yell to kiss him silly again.

so you bring him back in, cupping his cheeks to continue where he left off. this time, it’s less rushed and you can taste relief on his tongue, especially evident in the way that he relaxes against you and wraps his arm around your waist.

even as you pull away, rin chases after you for a second before recovering, leaving you both to bask in the afterglow of returned intimacy.

"i like you," he tries again.

you smile with smeared lip balm. "i like you too."

#got this idea whilst walking by a ferris wheel lol #i hope this wasn't bad... LOL #itoshi rin x reader #rin x reader #rin itoshi x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #itoshi rin fluff #blue lock fluff #itoshi rin x you #rin x you #rin itoshi x you #blue lock rin #itoshi x reader

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wontheworld · 8 months ago

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bae-bae forever | 41

Sunghoon smiled at Yn as she smiled back at him.

It had been 2 years since they became MCs and started dating. Today was their last day of MCing.

"I can't believe this is our last day, Hoonie. I can't believe we're ending Bae-Baetastic soon. I feel like we just started," Yn pouted.

He nodded. "It does feel unreal. I might shed a few tears when we announce the winners," he spoke.

"I know I'm going to cry," she sighed. "I'm happy we have so many memories here from filming. I just know I won't get to film with you again anytime soon, so it's going to feel foreign to me, not having my beautiful boyfriend on set with me," she said, playing with her fingernails before looking up at him. "I can hear those sad edits miles away right now."

He smiled before pecking her lips. "We'll MC together on the end-of-the-year music shows for most of them, so don't feel too bad. Plus, we'll have more time hanging out if our schedules aren't busy," he grinned.

She nodded slowly before her (new!) manager told them it was time to go out.

🧸.

"And the winner is..." Yn said as the points gathered on the screen between two groups.

"Loossemble!" Sunghoon and Yn said together as the confetti popped loudly.

The girls gave their speeches as Jaehyun from Boynextdoor gave them their flowers.

Sunghoon smiled at Yn after the girls finished their speeches. Now it was time for theirs.

"You guys, it's the last day for Bae-Bae and Music Bank in general!" Yn said, tearing up while speaking into the microphone. "The two years of MCing here were so amazing, especially with Sunghoon. He made it so much better, and so did the fans! I'll miss Bae-Baetastic and MCing so much. Thank you so much, thank you," Yn cried as Sunghoon put his arm around her.

"MCing here was the best. I'm happy I was invited again, and I was happy to bring Engenes enjoyment through the variety show and then MCing! Please don't be as sad as I am. Always remember Bae-Bae! Thank you guys so much, and thank you to the groups for such an amazing experience," Sunghoon bowed.

Yn made a heart while sobbing hard. "Bae," she spoke into the mic.

"Bae!" Sunghoon completed her hand heart, smiling sadly.

"Forever!" they both said before the Loossemble instrumental started playing, signaling the idols to exit the stage.

Bae-Bae forever.

prev behind the scenes next

And that’s a wrap! I had a lot of fun w this smau and I’m sorry if on the last few chaps I lacked and I lacked alot in being funny and more which I’m sorry for hopefully if I write another smau it’ll be 100x better until then please stay tuned to my short fics I love each and everyone of you guys Thank you so much have a Bae-tastic day/night! -Reign (Rei)

🏷: @deobitifull @hoonstxr @seulgipage @purennn @haechansbbg @minetaphobe @badasgirlfriend @riksaes @hyuzaa @ttylxox2 @desistay @nyfwyeonjun @who-tf-soddhi @pcheyes @wanderers-archive @luvlyniya @akuspic @nxzz-skz @minhosprettywife @wonik1ss @bee-the-loser @baevsxii @wooziswife @meowmeowhoon

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bloodcossmos · 20 days ago

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ARCANE SEASON 2 ACT 1 THOUGHTS!!! SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT IF U HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET SCRAM ‼️‼️

my jaw was unhinged the entire time. how did they manage to make already great graphics EVEN GREATER????????? wasn't expecting the intro change but I was GAGGEDUH. vi in a white tank top was NOT on my season 2 bingo.

cried while watching all of them, gotta be fr. in the moments I wasn't I was either biting my lip or saying oh my god oh my god under my breath out of utter disbelief.

caitlyn is STUNNING. like I genuinely wanted to lick my screen when she was in the frame who said that. vi is an absolute darling, I wanna eat her up. sevika can GET THIS I repeat CAN GET THIS. jinx looks so out of herself my poor pookie but she eats it up every time she's on screen. all the others are divine and it's so refreshing to see them again after so long rewatching the first season until I practically memorized the scenes.

jayce being so worried over viktor kiiiiinda cured me tbh. scratched my jayvik bone so good. ambessa pulling the strings on absolutely EVERYTHING bad happening like I KNEW IT FROM THE START. she's so hot but she's such a bitch. hope she dies in the last act sorry not sorry.

I love the way caitlyn is so different from season one. she's bloodthirsty, ruthless, blinded by rage (I'll defend her with all I got) the way she was so ready to shoot a child was insane tho, and what she did to vi straight after? UNREAL. cait honey u and I gonna have a serious talk later. that kiss was WAY TOO SHORT I need an hour long makeout scene idc.

speaking of vi, HOLY SHIT. LIKE HOLY SHIT. I missed her puppy eyed ass. watching her on screen is so cool and it makes my heart ache because she seems so done with the idea of trying to rebuild her family. like she's EXHAUSTED and BROKEN. but she still keeps her heart sweet and compassionate, my poor baby. she can't change who she is, no matter what life throws at her. I need to see her happy again.

jinx also seems resigned to the idea of being everyone's bad guy. like yes, she did do a lot of terrible things— good thing she owns up to them. but she doesn't do anything to prove herself the right way. she's just succumbing to the fact that she is, in fact, a jinx and that no matter what she tries to fix or make right she can't. because it's just not in her nature (according to her). let's hope that bond she has with isha changes something in her...

oh also um THE WHOLE HEXCORE THING???? HUH???? THE ARCANE AND ALL THESE WEIRD THINGS GOING ON??? I was left buzzing from excitement. like what in the actual fuck is happening. viktor turning into some sort of spooky messiah IS INSANE. WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT. like yes girl heal those shimmer addicts u got powers now. it's giving jesus. I literally gasped in that scene.

the settings, the music, the graphics, the new and old characters, the montages UGH THE MONTAGES. I need the names of every single animator and creative designer so I can send each of them gifts. wtf people are so amazing and creative.

I really REALLY hope things only get better from here. I'm already devastated and Vi isn't a pit fighter yet. this is gonna be great, I know it.

#im genuinely so excited #didn't know if i covered everything #i ramble #cant wait for next saturday #arcane #arcane 2 #arcane netflix #arcane season 2 #vi arcane #caitvi #caitlyn arcane #jinx arcane

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steppingonyourshadow · 4 months ago

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Complete Q&A from Elle September 2024

Elle: When you're on a break do you think about things that happened on set?

XZ: Of course. I remember dreaming about it a few days after we had wrapped, that we were still shooting and I was there talking to the director about how we'd say those words, how we were going to deal with that scene.

Elle: Do you miss the atmosphere on set?

XZ: I really like it, I like the feeling of everyone creating something together, all pulling together to do the same thing really well.

Elle: When you first became an actor and during the time when your popularity grew really fast, you said it felt a bit unreal, magical. But now you seem pretty relaxed. How did this change come about?

XZ: Rather than it being unreal, magical, after all these years I think back then I hadn't gotten used to such a fast pace, and when I woke up each day, I'd barely know where I was and what I was doing. I think it's a process, like how everyone's so excited when they first enter employment, "I'm here, please take good care of me", "this young master is coming through, out of my way", "I can do it, I am good". [laughs] But after you've experienced a lot, you'll realise that everything needs long-term planning.

Elle: In several interviews you mentioned that you like to play characters that "can transmit energy". Why is that?

XZ: Because I think that's the life of a character. When I say "transmit energy", I don't mean just the usual, basic sense of positive energy. What I mean is being able to provide nourishment in a subtle way - like spring rains sinking silently into the dirt. I believe that every character has at heart a complete storyline, this is something I really like. If you dig deep, they can all move people. I don't like to label antagonists as "bad guys", as if you've already decided from the start that they're not good. But that's not right - he might have his own difficulties.

Elle: It sounds like "transmitting energy" is only an umbrella term, actually it's understanding different types of people through performance.

Xiao Zhan: That's right. If we break it down to each character, they all transmit different things. But if we make them into "good guys", "bad guys", I think that makes it less interesting.

Elle: So do you consider performance a method of communication?

Xiao Zhan: Yes, you could say that, I like that. Performance is a bridge connecting the actor and the audience. Like how when my shows are on, I'll read a bit of audience commentary and analysis and feel that their reactions to the work are really complex. When I see comments that coincide exactly with my thoughts when we shot it, I find that really magical, like we really connected along this bridge. In life we might not know each other, we've never spoken, but all of a sudden because they got what I was thinking at the time, it makes me feel that performance is a really wonderful, magical thing.

Elle: Do you watch or read science fiction?

XZ: I do, I liked Three Body. Recently I've actually been watching some sci-fi, like the American drama Constellation, and also Dark Matter, they're both multiverse, alternative universe shows. Because I think maybe there really are parallel universes. Each of your choices creates a new splinter alternative universe.

Elle: Do you think about the Xiao Zhan of those alternative universes?

XZ: I really do. For example, is he still an actor? Maybe he is, then is he shooting right now? Is he still singing? Or is he still a designer? Is he still an employee or has he become the boss? [laughs] Really, I do think about it.

Elle: What about the future, what do you think it'll be like?

XZ: Woah, I actually think at that point the world might revert to its origins, maybe it will be more wonderful, with interpersonal communication returning to a more natural form.

Elle: That's really interesting. Why do you think that?

XZ: Actually, at least at the moment I'm a bit sick of the internet being ever-present. When we were kids and we didn't have cellphones, we'd chat during meals, all the kids would be called downstairs from their apartment blocks to play together, doing hide and seek and other games. Those times were really precious.

Elle: Will actors still exist in that future?

XZ: I think so. I believe that so long as life continues, theater will exist. Because we need a form of expression, to experience empathy, and to have emotional sustenance, whether it's in images or sounds. So I think even if the world was destroyed, so long as people still exist, theater will surely still exist.

#xiao zhan #text translations

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fivewholeminutes · 14 days ago

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Alexxxx!!!

Tell us all about your experience!

I'm stuck at work, so if or when you have time! Let me live vicariously through you! 🖤🔥

-♥︎

HELLO MY DEAR GHOST, sorry for taking my time with it, i needed 37495 hours of sleep 😮‍💨🫂

Where do i even start!! Apart from how glad i am i could experience this with my beautiful friends @a-s-levynn @takemetoasgard and @thevenomousseprent (which was also my host for this trip mwah mwah mwah thank you once again, tell your cat i miss him 💖)

The rest under a cut, bc i am yapping a lot

It might sound silly, but that was my very first actual gig experience with friends who are as dedicated to see a band as me and it's HUGE for me ok. I am still emotional about this, I've never had this before 😭

And boooy. The coldest day of the week in Budapest and we've been by the venue by 9am. It was so so worth it tho, we've got barricade on iii's side, babey!!!!!!!!!! The organisation of the venue was so good too. At some point they came out to us with hot tea, the ticket office was giving people valuable clues, they opened a merch stand inside in warmth for people who were queueing early, the security check was swift etc. etc.

I forgor to check Bilmuri before the show and i was positively surprised by them, what a band!! Their energy was extremely contagious.

And now, the main event. It was a blast, seeing them after almost a year, man. They were so close. The sound was surprisingly good, for where we were standing (not perfect, but still, i could even hear Espera well, which never happened before!!!!!). It felt unreal, i missed seeing them live so much, like. They're here. A few meters away from me!!!! My neck stopped hurting from headbanging only today.

The cloak man's prancing is even more free, it's good he got a bigger enclosure for his shenanigans. The podiums for the girls and ii moving up and down was a nice touch (idk if they did that in the US??), iii was in his element, feeling the music very much. And iv. Well. The screams are scrumptious live. And you probably saw the Neck Photo™

The catwalk was so much fun too!! Let Espera or ii walk down the catwalk next time tho

They're so good live what the fuck man who gave them the right i mean. I knew this, but still. What the fuck, maaaan. With more money for the sound design and light design it's even more ethereal than before. The fucking. Lights. At one point i turned to look at Vessel on the catwalk and the lights shining on the back walls were so good i started taking photos of the lights instead of Vessel. Sorry, Vessel. But look at those lights!!

The drum solo returned my will to live. iii's moves returned my will to live. Well, the whole gig returned my will to live.

There weren't many bad things happening either! Someone laughed out loud during one calmer part of Atlantic, but it was a coincidence, i think. No stupid yelling, no crowdsurfers (THANK FUCK), well, at least not where we were standing.

Also, the whole time before the show, there was a Vessel cosplayer standing ominously at the top of the section with seats. It was hillarious:

Kudos to whoever decided to play the whole LP's Reanimation album between doors opening and Bilmuri's gig. And to that one ST crew guy who had to run closer to the stage every single time anyone from the band was going to the catwalk, poor guy. Also, i didn't recognise Adam in the new haircut at first lmao

ii made a mic drop with his drumsticks after one song (don't remember which), it was funny. You go, red bull man!!

Starting with TNDNBTG and finishing with Euclid gave me -374959HP damage. I managed not to cry on Euclid, tho. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR EUCLID LIVE?

Btw. During Euclid i caught iii's pick. I mean, technically it hit me in the chest and landed on my fanny pack, but yeah. Do you know how much it means to me that it was during motherfucking Euclid of all songs??? Especially when it was my first time hearing it live???

Here's a pic with a very done-with-his-owner's-shit model:

(Dw, he was purring anyway)

I took around 150 bracelets with me to give away to people. Yes, 150. Yes, i am unwell. It's only the half of what i've already done, anyway. People thought i wanna sell them lmao. Nope, i am Just Like That and Yes You Can Take More Than One Bracelet, I Don't Mind. I did get some things in exchange from some people, though!! Behold, exchange gifts and gifts from my friends (love u 🥺):

Peeled Vessel plush (and fivewholeminutes bracelet) from @thevenomousseprent 🐍✨️💓

Print and Berry Vessel (Bessel, if you'd like) from a very cute person who in the midst of everything i forgot to ask about their name. Thankfully, i have a card with their insta handle!!

I didn't ask the ii sticker person and Euclid/Jericho/Calcutta bracelets about their details too 😔

Atlantic keychain from @taka-chan 💖 (ALSO I REALISED I WASN'T FOLLOWING YOU??? I WILL CHANGE THAT IN A SECOND, I'M SORRY, I AM CHAOTIC)

Hands keychain from @bubacorn 💖 (I LOVED YOUR HAIR AND OUTFIT BTW, BUT I WAS TOO SHY TO TELL YOU, SORRY)

Euclid bracelet and serpent ring from my beloved @takemetoasgard 😘😘😘

And, of course, the army of Tiny Tokens from @a-s-levynn 🔪🍌❤️‍🔥

Overall, amazing experience, 10/10, i love my friends, i love Budapest, i love this stupid fucking band that makes me travel for the whole night in a bus and stay in 2 Celsius degrees for hours.

Ok, that is finally all, sorry it was this long. Thank you for this ask, it was very fun summing it all up, i hope you could at least for a moment live through this experience while reading my ramblings 🥺🫂💖🌸🌸🌸

EDIT: i forgot i also got this banger keychain in exchange!! From a person who came for a few rituals from fucking Canada.

LOOK AT THOSE TEEF!!!!!!!!!

#love you i hope you have a good day mwah #🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂#asks

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hongluboobs · 2 months ago

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tumblr user hong lu boobs have you played any of the new canto yet im very interested in your thoughts

Yes I do!!! I don't want to make a big post on Some Of The Stuff til the whole canto is up (if you are aware of this account and some of my recent postings it may become aware of what i am talking about) but ohhghghgh. This shit Re Awakened the naive cyanism in me!! I thought it was gone. I thought I was over Hong Lu! I haven't even been doing my dailies and weeklies as of late that's how out of it i've been. but NOPE!! We are sooooo limback babey!!

(i apologize for yapping about hong lu right off the bat. its not that guy's turn yet. it's don's world and we are all just living it, but with the way don's character is structured my brain goes more towards a "wait and see" approach for her. I know it'll be awesome and i Am invested but like. this is hong lu boobs dot tumblr dot com. I'm sorry women)

I'll put some basic stuff above the cut and then some more spoiler-y stuff below.

HUGE fan of the presentation this canto. PJM continues to get crazier with this stuff every canto and this is no exception.

In the light of that previous bullet, I am fully expecting some meta fuckery here. They've pulled some cool stuff at the ends of cantos 5 and 6 but. this is the sinner about delusion/unreality! I Live In Fear of whatever pm is cooking.

The setting is also REALLY fun. whenever I saw a new battle bg i was cheering and clapping. they're all so fun and whimsical and there's so much potential for interesting things

I really like seeing how people dress in the north of the city! We've had so many new factions/branches of factions thrown at us so far and I love a lot of the outfits! Will this still hold true when I try to draw them and get upset at the level of detail after drawing standard formalwear on pm characters for so long? Maybe!

The CGs have been really clean so far? As an artist I get worried about this stuff sometimes because it's a lot of work to get done but all the ones I've seen so far are really nice :)

If you aren't reading passives and status effects this canto. do that. my brain might be a little too small atm to comprehend some of the gimmicks w the main enemy type but some of the wording in the enemies passives may be hinting at things. Also some of them are really funny

this Might be my favorite direction they've taken the OST? Honestly it's so hard to pick because this ost NEVER misses but I've been typing this whole thing to that one boss's theme (you know the one)

If you've played through the first part of the canto, feel free to click through the read more for some of my thoughts that delve more into spoiler territory

I am so intimidated anytime the screen goes black and I have to deal with various colored text and Scary Voiceover. I cannot say much on it aside from just how scared i get whenever it happens. I'm pretty bad at identifying voices (especially if i don't understand the language) but these lines just get. so interesting

Here they are all together for my convenience (and potentially yours :) )

I don't have a ton to say on it especially because anything I say can be proven wrong Very Quickly and I am not a don quixote scholar but I think the "Please, please! I don't want an adventure, stop! Please!" line from (who i assume to me) second kindred don is VERY interesting. much to think about regardless!

UPDATE: while I was writing this my buddy lu-is-not-ok (follow him. if you like what I do you'll like what he does.) sent me this image.

Yep, we've got identity stuff going on. Yellow seems to be Our Don Quixote (It's her text color, at least, but back then she'd be the bloodfiend second kindred, hence being able to obliterate that bear immediately, and acting less in line with the DQ we know and love) while red is... maybe the original don quixote? The original owner of rocinate at least,("Your running shoes look like they could fetch a nice price...") who seems obsessed with justice and fixers like ours. I haven't read the book so I don't feel like I can add a ton more to this aside from flat speculation but I am very interested in how this develops.

Ok now I want to talk about Hong Lu stuff. Let's ignore the elephant in the room for just a second :)

I'm a big fan of the exchange between Dante, Verg, and Hong Lu. THERE IS SO MUCH CONCERNING FORESHADOWING IN HERE!!!!! OH MY GOG. I can't handle it.

the specific wording of "the most lucid one" is SO interesting to me. fully expecting these cantos to be a True Combo. I was already anticipating it because they both have so much to do with rules and the boundary of reality and delusion but with the familial hierarchy theme present in bloodfiends its Definitely happening. And the light in Hong Lu's left eye going dimmer??? with the water theming being used??? Gloom/sinking themed distortion Please Please Please. you're nothing. Theres some water connections from the book irt the land of illusion (near the end bao-yu's enlightenment is seen as realizing that everything is akin to moonlight mirrored in the water- it ultimately doesn't matter and everything predestined to happen will occur regardless) and this water theming is present in Hong Lu as well (base ego) but it's really interesting to see it Like This.\

And now. there's probably some other stuff I can talk about but I wanna say things about The Elephant In The Room. If you follow my stuff and are caught up on this canto you know what I'm talking about.

I have been compiling a diagram with every mention of Hong Lu's family across all his dialogue. (which you can see here if interested, though it's now outdated for obvious reasons) We only really get vague mentions, the only direct family appearance is Jia Huan, who shows up to say one line and then fucks off.

I was not expecting to get stuff on Hong Lu This Early. They've been giving us mostly crumbs and I was NOT expecting to get hit by All This. I have been surviving on scraps and I just had the Hong Lu lore equivalent of a rotisserie chicken thrown to me. I'm kind of rusty on DOTRC because I haven't touched up on it in a while and as such I cannot give too many details but it's very interesting to see Xichun.

I'm going to check up on Xichun's characterization in the source later because there's so many characters in that book and she wasn't really one I had that close an eye on during my read. From what I remember, she's one of Bao-yu's cousins who lives in the garden with him, and eventually runs away to become a nun when the family starts falling into decline. (mirroring Bao-yu running away to become a monk for the same reasons.) I'm probably missing stuff I'll catch when I go out to reread the book, but based on how she's depicted here it gives me more of an idea about what themes of dotrc they're pushing for canto 8.

They're for sure emphasizing the familial abuse and how fucked up the jia family is. It almost reads like all of the siblings are in competition with each other (building "factions"). and Hong Lu has said his siblings have attempted to kill him before.

Hong Lu has been like this, which lines up with his book equivalent of Bao-yu, who is notorious for being childish/naive and not necessarily working within the pre established rules and conventions set up by his family. I'm curious how he's managed to survive this long with the jias a lot more willing to Kill Eachother.

"My most amicable sibling" fucks me up so much. what the hell is this family's deal man. I'm really curious about this line, because xichun is not a sibling but a cousin in the book. I'm curious what's gonna happen with Bao-chai and Dai-yu in Limbus because it's very challenging to adapt this story without those two. Dai-yu in Dotrc is one of the characters Bao-yu feels most comfortable being himself around. Generally, the female characters in DOTRC are better people than the male ones, and Bao-yu spends most of his time with the girls as a result. I'm curious how/if they'll adapt this because it's a pretty big thing in the book and they serve as an escape for Bao-yu from dealing with the nightmare that is people like his father. I feel if it was happening, they'd probably write Xichun a little kinder, but I don't know nearly enough to make any sort of call yet. Absolutely TERRIFIED (positive. this is a good thing) for what PM is cooking.

I'm gonna have to cut this off here because i have A Lot of thoughts but i also have many assignments to finish and have been typing this for way too long! Thank you for asking the question anon I hope you enjoyed reading some of my thoughts :) !!

#asks #limbus company #hong lu #canto 7 #pachiposting #my analysis #analysis #really glad to get this esp bc i havent been on tumblr latelies... glad u were thinking of me anon bc i have Thoughts!#btw pachi life update: ive been on twitter mostly bc interaction is easier there sometimes #and i haven't been limbusing as much. i'm still project mooning but i'm working my way thru lobcorp atm and the goal is 1 cycling that game #we are pretty close! I'm at binah suppression rn #and by 'pretty close' i mean i am not at all mentally prepared for this shit #but c7 has me fully back into things. its awesome #this was supposed to be short. i have homework #what the hell man.

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marymary-diva17 · 9 months ago

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The outcast twins (4)

Jake, Lo’ak and reader + sully family

When enemies from the past came back from the dead, life in the forest felt unreal and unsafe as well. No one knew what to make of this revelation that had come upon them yesterday, as the RDA found another way to fight. Tension in the atmosphere was not good and peaceful, as everyone was in worry or panic of what will happen next. Today decision will be made that might change everyone lives forever.

Y/n " dad supposed to be home but he hasn't arrived back yet"

lo'ak " dad will be home soon"

spider " what do you think the decision had become they have been talking about it since this morning"

y/n " I don't know but I wish we can be with the others"

lo'ak " same but I don't think we are the village favorite people right now"

y/n " we are once again the outcast"

spider " well we are all outcast now these days" all the children were hanging outside of their homes waiting for the return of Jake and norm.

man " hey here comes Jake and norm"

Jake " hey everyone well we came with some news"

y/n " what the news dad"

Jake " well we are all leaving it not safe for anyone here"

y/n " where are we going dad"

Jake " towards the ocean there are some clans there that might wish to help us"

lo'ak " wow that far away"

Jake " yes it this but it will be for all our safety don't worry we will be back one day"

spider " uncle Jake what about all of us humans"

norm " don't worry kid we have some humans baes not to far from where, your friends will be going but you might not able to see that that much"

spider " I understand dad"

y/n " hey we can still hangout time to time as well"

lo'ak " what was everyone else reaction"

Jake " they didn't seem very happy at the moment but Tsu'tey said he will deal with them"

y/n " it going to be hard for everyone but maybe there will be a bright side to the whole situation"

max " iy good you kids can find some good in this but right now we need to plan, to get everything packed and ready to leave for when we go"

y/n " dad how many days do you have until we have to leave"

Jake " two or fours days we need to pack what will be use for us everything else we might have to leave" the group seem to get upset by those words.

Jake " look I know we are all sad but this stuff can be replaced none of you can, I made a promise to you all and grace that I will keep our clan and omatacayia clan safe and that what I will"

women " we understand Jake"

norm " then come on everyone lets get ready to pack up and move"

max " I will make the calls that are need and see what can be done, we might get the chance to send over some of the stuff before the big move day"

Jake " see if you can do that max that will be helpful and see if we can get spider his own avatar body" s

spider " really"

norm " yes if anything happens you will need it"

lo'ak " that will be cool bro"

spider ' come on we have to go tell kiri she will be happy"

Jake " wait hold up there it not good right now at home, and rushing in there will be bad right now"

spider " but I want to tell kiri"

Jake " you can tell her later right now we all have to get ready to leave"

???? " dad" Jake soon looked and saw his three other kids standing there.

Jake " hey kids come here"

tuk " is to true we will be leaving"

Jake " yes but it will be okay where we go we can make it our home"

tuk " okay"

spider " hey kiri I might get my own avatar body"

kiri " that wonderful I knew one day you will get one I can't wait, it going to be so amazing to see you connect with the world"

neteyam " father and mother don't seem happy about the whole situation"

Jake " I know no one is happy about this situation and it will take time, but I know we will get use to our new lives and hey one day we will be back here"

Jake " I know we might miss out on many celebrations and milestones here but I'm going to make sure to make it, up tp all of you"

y/n " dad you don't have to we understand"

Jake " as I father I will do anything to make you kids happy and safe, whatever you all want and wish for the makes you comfortable I will make sure that happens"

tuk " can we have a group hug I want one"

Jake " sure baby" The kids had been brought into a hug by Jake, he really wanted to make sure all the kids are safe, he couldn't live with the thought of harm coming to them. He will do anything to make sure they all stay safe even his former lovers.

neteyam " so we leave in couple days right dad"

Jake " yes we do the traveling going to be long and bit hard, but we get to see parts of pandora we have seen before"

kiri " I cant wait"

y/n " hey tuk maybe during some of the fly you and spider can ride with one of us"

spider " that sounds like fun let do that"

norm " well you kids can plan that all later as we get packed" The children had nodded their heads and soon made plans, about everything. They were all sad that they were going to be leaving their home for who know how long, but they were all hoping that one day they will be back not caring if the returned the same or changed.

The day of leaving

y/n " okay everything is packed away dad"

Jake " good let me make sure everything snapped on tightly"

y/n " yes dad"

lo'ak " he choked mines as well"

spider " well it good we don't have much stuff anymore to move, max plan really worked"

y/n " I'm happy"

norm " well Jake all the others are ready to leave once everyone else shows up"

Jake " they should be here soon this was agreed on time with Tsu'tey" the group of avatars and human are waiting for the rest of the clan to show up, with their stuff and ikrans.

y/n " here they come" you were looking our for the group and soon saw them coming.

y/n " there you all are ready to leave"

neteyam " ......"

lo'ak " hey kiri will it be fine for spider to fly with me for some of the trip"

kiri " sure"

y/n " hey tuk maybe you can with me or one of our other siblings"

tuk " that sounds like fun"

Jake " there you kids once you all have you stuff on the Ikran I can make sure they are on right, and once that all over we can leave"

y/n " yeah let us help you where is your stuff" more avatars have come in hopes of helping their families.

Tsu'tey " we are not coming none of us are going on this journey"

Jake " what do you mean I have told you all it not safe for anyone"

neytiri " we are not leaving our homes we are staying here, some of the clans have offered to help us"

Jake " it not safe for us or anyone else and why haven't you told me this before"

Tsu'tey " because we didn't wish to as you have already ruined our lives once again Jake"

Jake " what"

Tsu'tey " they came back because of you and now they are like us because of you and grace, acting like you are friends when you are all not"

Jake " we can fight this out later we all need to leave us families and clans"

neytiri " we are no longer families or clan members you all have lost right to that"

Jake " neytiri"

neytiri " no Jake you all should leave and take the trouble with you, we don't need you or any of you anymore we are better off"

Jake " please you have to listen to me and understand what I'm saying"

Tsu'tey " no undertand what we are saying we are done with all of you leave now"

Jake " we can all leave and come back"

Tsu'tey " you all leave and never come back never this clan is no longer your home, for any of you if you are seen again then you will be seen as our enemies"

Jake " what of the twins and spider think about the parents here and their kids that are seen as full navi"

arturst " choice have been made the kids who are navi and one of us will say and forsaken their demon blood parents and siblings" you had seen some avatar parents trying to hug thier kids and speak with them, to get nothing in response as their former mates glare that them.

y/n " huh" neytiri soon ripped off a necklace she had made for you many years ago.

y/n " mom you made that for me to symbolize we are mother and daughter"

neytiri " I only have two daughters and that kiri and tuk you are no longer my child"

lo'ak " mom please" neytiri ahd done the same to lo'ak as well taking his necklace.

Jake " ahh what was that about" Tsu'tey had cut Jake a but with a blade.

Tsu'tey " you are here by no longer are mate there nothing between us and you, now leave we are being nice right now" The same actions had been done to other adults.

mo'at " then I will go with them"

y/n " no grandmother the clan need you"

mo'at " take this when you were going to come of age I was planning to give this to you and kiri, for a future role in life this has some stuff that will help you" you had taken the basket and found a place to put it right away.

Jake " do you kids wish for this tell me" none of your siblings were speaking and standing quite.

Jake " I understand if trouble comes and call me I will come running to you all" the whole situation was sad there had been changes to giving hugs, but it didn't happen at all.

Tsu'tey " remember Jake I'm true to my word there is no bond between us and you all, we are no longer families and clans members in our eyes to you ... you can act like if we are but you will be fools" there was so much pain and sorry in the atmosphere, soon the group ahd left saying nothing else.

Jake " come on everyone we have to leave we can try to understand what happened later" no one said anything else everyone got onto thier ikrans or helicopters, soon leave the forest. You felt tears rushing down you face, and you had turned to looked up as the boys did the same. The three teens had become broken by the words and actions that happened, the adults are doing their best to hold everything together trying not to cry but even they are hurt as well. Exiled and disown from the clan they were willing and did everything for hurt the most, but now it was time to see what else the great mother has to offer you all.

74 notes · View notes

hongmingoo · 9 months ago

Text

I'm Going to Paint Your Heart Yellow!

Pairing: Lee Seokmin x f!Reader

Warnings: Going Ranger au, kindergarten teacher reader, fluff, toxic relationship, grumpy reader, sunshine seokmin, tiny bit angst.

Word count: 5.3k+

Summary: When a grumpy teacher meets a sweet ranger, an unlikely pair. What will happen when one fall in love with the other? Will they find their mutual standing?

“I’m going to paint your hearts yellow. Going Yellow!”

You simply did not expect this. How could you? This scene is straight out of the cartoons you watched during childhood. Who would have thought that power rangers are actually real living people and their headquarters are next door to your workplace.

You watched, in utter confusion as the six-man team stood before the class of 4 year olds, introducing themselves ‘enthusiastically’ without a hint of embarrassment coloring their faces. Oh, actually one person does looked ashamed of what he’s doing and wishes the ground would swallow him whole. His eyes met yours and the tip of his ears burnt brighter red as he looked away immediately. The secondhand embarrassment you’re getting from this is unreal.

“Seokminieeeee~” a girl cheered. The man who’s hair is dark orange, wearing the uniform jacket with yellow detailing smiled sweetly and waved at her. Oh, he’s cute. You noted.

“That is not Seokminie. That is Going Yellow!” a boy argued.

“Its Seokminie!” the girl argued.

“Going Yellow!”

The banter is going back and forth, it’s going to become chaos soon. The rangers were trying to calm them but they made it worse because more kids started to join the fights. You stood up straight, cleared your throat loud enough for the kids to hear. Immediately, the children went silent.

“Kids, the rangers made their time to come see you today. Are you going to fight? Should I ask them to leave so you could fight instead?” you asked, voice firm.

“No…” they chorused.

“Is everyone going to behave now? So that Mr. Rangers can continue?” you asked again.

“Yes, teacher,” they answered in unison.

“Good. Thank you” you calmly stated, aware that all eyes are on you but decided to just be cool about it despite panicking on the inside.

“Oh, This is Miss Kim Y/n. She’s our new teacher. But ever since she came it has been a lot easier to control the kids because she’s very strict but very kind at the same time” the principal, Madam Lee introduced you. You gave a slight bow to the men and they returned the gesture with an awed smile.

The rest of the day went well. The kids enjoyed the time they spent with the rangers and they seemed to share the same sentiment too. They went back to their office after lunch and the daycare quiet down since most of the kids had gone home with their family. It’s almost 7pm and one kid still hasn’t gone home yet. And you’re left alone with her after Madam Lee went home.

“Soojin-ah. Do you usually go home this late?” you asked as you began to pack up your things. The little girl who was coloring her book looked up at you and nodded.

“Usually, Madam Lee accompanies me because Seokminie gets off work at 8pm. Or sometimes it’s Teacher Seo who stayed behind. But there are days when mom came to pick me up earlier too. But now mom is on a business trip” she explained cutely, her hands flailing everywhere as if to emphasise her story.

“Seokminie?” you asked, sure that you heard that name before.

“My uncle. He is Going Yellow. He worked next door” she cheered. You smiled at her cuteness so you bend down to pat her head. You took a seat next to her to see her coloring book and was genuinely impressed to see it was so neat and tidy. Usually kids her age have a very messy art style.

“So today, I'll be the one to accompany you. Is that okay with you?”

“Okay!! But I’m super hungry right now hehe” she giggled cutely. You noticed she has the same smile as her uncle, it was very bright and innocent that they’re able to melt anyone’s misery right away.

“Oh no… That’s bad but I don’t have any food on me right now. Should we go to the convenience store nearby? It will be my treat. But we’ll have to let your uncle know first, in case he comes here to search for you” you suggested after you rummaged through your bag for any snack you could find.

“Is that really okay?” the girl asked again, she was very polite for her age, you could not help falling for her even more.

“Of course. But it will be our secret only okay?” you chuckled, holding out your pinky for her to hold. She beamed, immediately jumping to her feet to lock her tiny pinky with yours. You helped her to pack her things before locking up the school to head to the Ranger Headquarters next door, hand-in-hand with Soojin.

“Annyeonghasaeyoooo~” the little girl announced as soon as they stepped into the cold office. There was the pink ranger from earlier and he immediately beamed upon seeing the little girl.

“Aigoo, it's Soojinnie. Are you looking for Seokmin?” he asked, kneeling to be on the same eye-level as her. He gave you a polite nod and a smile, acknowledging your presence next to her.

“Eung. Is he here, Hao-samchon? I want to ask him if I can go to the convenience store with my teacher because I’m hungry” she pouted.

“Aigoo, why are you going to the convenience store if you’re hungry? Stay here, I’m cooking dinner right now” another voice piped in from behind you, startling you. The figure appeared, stopping next to the pink ranger, grinning at the girl before turning to look at you. He’s wearing the same jacket as ‘Hao’ as Soojin mentioned but you haven’t seen him before. He is super tall, towering over your frame, with long hair framing his attractive face with a box of groceries in his arms.

“Soojinnie? You’re here?” Seokmin’s voice called from behind you yet again. You both turned to look at him who also had a box of groceries in his arms.

“Seokminieeeee. I’m hungry. I wanna go to the convenience store with my teacher. May I?” she asked, giving him her cutest puppy eyes. Seokmin turned to look at you for confirmation and you nodded.

“I can even leave my things here if you’re wary of me,” you stated. He immediately looked guilty because his eyes went wide as saucers.

“No! It’s not that! Of course I trust you. You’re hired by her school after all” he panicked.

“Just eat here. We’re having dinner” the taller guy said.

“But I’m suuuuuupeeerrr hungryyyyy noooowwww” Soojin whined, enhancing her pout even more.

“How about we go buy some snacks first while you’re cooking then I’ll send her back here for dinner” you suggested.

“You’re staying for dinner too” all the other four stated in unison and you’re left speechless.

“Are you okay just going alone with your teacher? Because I need to go cook. What do Soojinnie want to eat?” Seokmin asked her niece.

“I’ll behave. I want to eat tteokbokki please?” she asked nicely. You almost coo, but held yourself back when the uncle coos at his niece first. He nodded, and let you take his niece away as the both of you trotted to the nearby Family Mart.

“I’ll introduce you again. We have 2 teams. Each teams consists of 6 people and there’s 2 doctors. This is my teammates in Division 1. Our leader, Red is Lee Chan, he’s the youngest by the way. White is Hong Jisoo, Blue is Choi Seungcheol, Pink Xu Minghao, Black Jeon Wonwoo and Yellow is me, Lee Seokmin. For Division 2, Red is Boo Seungkwan, Blue is Chwe Hansol, White is Yoon Jeonghan, Black is Kwon Soonyoung, Yellow is Wen Junhui and Pink is Kim Mingyu. This is our founder Dr. Woo or his real name, Lee Jihoon and his assistant, Hong Yeseung, Wonwoo’s girlfriend. Did you get it?” Seokmin explained as if he’s shooting a rapping bullet through your brain at dinner and you blinked nervously, not getting anything at all.

“She obviously doesn’t get anything with that kind of explanation” Dr. Woo commented.

“It’s okay. Let’s take time to get to know each other. We’re neighbours after all. We’ll see each other a lot” Chan nodded in assurance.

“Aigoo, look at you trying to be the leader” Seungkwan sassed. The rest of the team laughed at their banter and you chuckled, feeling strangely at ease with the lively bunch.

“What’s your name? Seokmin only tell you ours. But not yours. What should we call you?” the sole female, Yeseung asked kindly.

“Y/n. My name is Kim Y/n,” you replied.

“Nice to meet you, Y/n” she chuckled.

It actually doesn’t take long at all to get along really well with them all, considering your nightly routine to drop Soojin at the rangers’ office and staying over a bit to chat with Yeseung while babysitting the girl as she wait for her uncle to finish work. Your work hours are supposed to end at 6pm and it was supposed to be rotational to stay with other teachers but you offered to stay back with her everyday because the other teachers has their own family to tend to, and you’re the only single teacher plus you have a tiny weeny crush on the girl’s uncle but of course you weren’t going to admit that. It’s funny how hard you were trying to hide that but some of them already seemed to notice your crush on the yellow ranger, well except the man himself of course.

It was children day’s celebration, the school decided to work together with the rangers to organize a mini picnic day for the children. The event will be held at the Rangers’ training grounds because their spaces are bigger and can fit more people. Parents are invited to join the picnic but since it was held on a working day, not many could attend.

You were helping around when you noticed the red rangers bicker with each other which color of mats suits the theme the best. Hansol, the blue ranger from Division 2 was standing in between the both of them with a blank expression plastered across his face. In his hands, he was holding red and blue mats as he waited for them to decide which one he should lay on the grass for guests to sit on. You sigh, reaching for yellow mats silently and began laying them on the grass, leaving a bit space in between so that it will be easier to walk around. Hansol noticed what you were doing, and promptly leaving the two to help you lay more yellow mats in silence. He was slow on his actions but you didn’t mind because he was still helping nonetheless.

“We’re using yellow?” Seokmin’s voice was heard behind you, very loud and excited and you had to hold yourself from screaming in shock at his sudden appearance.

“Yellow? I thought we’re using red?!” Seungkwan questioned, looking shocked at how many mats you and Hansol had placed around the venue.

“We’ll be having this picnic next week if I let Hansol wait for your decision on which color to use. Plus, I’m hungry already” you stated, unamused. Seokmin snorted while Seungkwan scoffed at your audacity but he didn’t say anything and just gifted you with his bombastic side eye which you’d get on a daily basis already.

“You did’t have breakfast today?” Seokmin asked, ever the gentlest one– looking at you with his doe eyes. It was so hard to maintain a blank face when you just want to coo at his cuteness but, you’re a cool lady, so a facade is a must.

“I overslept and rushed here without my morning drip” you grunted a bit and he just chuckled at your respond.

“Come with me, there’s some of the meat that’s already cooked. You can eat that first. Jisoo made some coffee too,” he beamed, grasping your sleeve covered wrist and tugging you gently to follow him to the grill. You had to fight the blush that is trying to creep up your face at that intimate gesture but it certainly doesn’t help when you see the knowing looks your friends sent you. Mingyu was holding back his snicker by flaring his nose as he grilled the meat, Yeseung was hiding her grin behind the paper cup that she had been sipping on for the past 15 minutes. Meanwhile, Yoon Jeonghan doesn’t even bother to hide his smirk while his evil twin is beaming at you with his ‘angelic’ smile.

“Do you prefer beef or samgyeopsal?” Seokmin asked, letting go of your wrist only to pull a paper bowl to fill your food as he stared at you with those innocent eyes again.

“Beef” you mumbled and Jeonghan who was grilling the beef quickly placed some in the bowl as he giggled evilly, his eyebrows going crazy as he looked at you. You moved back to stand slightly behind Seokmin as you glared at him, mouthed ‘be quiet’ but the older guy only laughed more, happy to tease you. Seokmin was puzzled, to see his friend acting like that so he turned back to look at you, but you had your blank face on again.

“Why are you so happy?” he questioned innocently.

“Ah, no. I’m so happy that Teacher Y/n wants to eat my cooking~” he laughed evilly with his signature deep giggles.

“Of course she'd want to eat your cooking, you're the best at grilling beef!” Seokmin beamed and you almost threw away the bowl and kissed him stupid.

The picnic started soon after, parents and students filling up the venue, talking and playing with each other. You were just sitting by the coffee counter with Jisoo and Yeseung when a familiar child came running to you.

“Teacher! Come eat with me and my family. Mommy and granny want to meet you,” she beamed up at you while pointing towards where her family is seated. They were easy to spot, as there was a head of dark orange amongst the dark hair.

“Go ahead and join your family” Jisoo mused, his eyes gone as he beamed while his sister nodded along. Sometimes you didn't know if they were teasing you or genuinely happy for you but you had to remind yourself that the Hongs are the most mischievous among the bunch (plus Yoon Jeonghan) so you have to be careful not to be pulled away by them.

You let Soojin guide you to her family, her mother and grandma greeted you with a warm welcome and the man you've been crushing on silently is smiling so brightly it's almost blinding.

“You seemed awfully happy today. Did something good happen, Seokmin? Grandma Lee asked her youngest son.

“Jiwon is back from Canada. And she's coming today, I'm waiting for her right now. Hehe” he answered with a sheepish smile. You could see his sister and mother glancing at each other in concern before turning to look at their youngest again.

“Jiwon? Didn't you two break up already?” His sister asked.

“We did. But Jiwon texted me last week to fix our relationship. So, I agreed”

The atmosphere is tense and you could hear your ears ringing from the knowledge of Seokmin having a girlfriend and you might have been rejected before you even got the chance to confess.

Not longer than 15 minutes after that, Seokmin got up from his sitting position to fetch someone at the gate of the headquarters. He came back, a few minutes later with a woman probably in the same age range as you guys– hand in hand.

The girl took a seat next to you, who had Soojin resting on your lap. She eyed you suspiciously before turning to her boyfriend.

“Who's this? I haven't seen her before?” She questioned.

“Ah, this is Y/n, Soojin’s teacher. She's a close friend now considering she's always there to accompany Soojin while I get off work. Y/n, this is my girlfriend, Jiwon” Seokmin explained, the bright smile never leaving his handsome face.

“Hello, Jiwon,'' you greeted politely, only to receive a frown and half-hearted nod in response. You were quite taken aback by this behavior until you saw Seokmin's sister rolled her eyes in annoyance but didn't say anything else whilst mother only smiled at the new girl.

Jiwon is a brat, you noted.

For the whole day, the girl next to you has been clinging to her boyfriend as if to show off to you that he belongs to her and hers only. You got tired of it eventually and excused yourself to go back to your friends.

“How was it? Their family is nice, right?” Yeseung asked, when she noticed you're back– handing you a cup of iced coffee to soothe your thirst.

“Yeah. But someone isn't”

“Who?”

“Jiwon”

“That bitch came back?” Yeseung questioned, her eyes blazing now.

“You knew her?”

“Well yeah, I punched her in the face once because she was trying to take advantage of my Wonu,” she muttered and you gasped.

“What?! Holy hell, you punched her? What did she do?”

“Well… She sprained her ankle and I asked Wonu to help her because Seokmin wasn't around. And then, she started flirting with him suddenly, when Seokmin came back, she accused Wonu of trying to harass her. Yeah, and I did that”

“Damn… Did Seokmin get mad?” You inquired.

“He did. He was upset with me for hurting his girlfriend but he knew I wouldn't lie and Wonu wouldn't do that to her. So, yeah, he apologized the next day,” Yeseung sighed. You looked back at the couple who were laughing together and sigh.

The days after that passed by normally, you still stayed late to accompany Soojin as you always do, talking and joking around with the rangers including Seokmin occasionally. It was really a big change for you. Truthfully, when you learned that your crush has someone else you'd immediately cut things off with them and run away.

But you found yourself unable to do that to the Yellow Ranger. Not when you see how happy he is to be telling you how his days went by, how happy he looked when he said his girlfriend likes his cooking and how cheerful he is after she came back. Not that he wasn't cheerful before, it's just all of you could see how he's happier now, that he's bouncing in every step he takes.

You didn't know how you could see this even brighter side of him was due to someone else and not you. Maybe you overestimated yourself, because the world does not revolve around you and you absolutely do not have the power to make everyone happy. But a part of you did hope that this unrequited love would be requited anyways, what a wishful thinking.

You were surprised that you didn't run away this time, and you didn't feel as bitter as you did when you were rejected. Maybe your heart really was painted yellow by the ranger, and that is why you're still here, wishing him happiness with his girlfriend. And he'd look at you with his brightest smile, cheeks bunching cutely, eyes gone, nose scrunched as he thanked you.

But today, Seokmin wasn't at his office when you came over at tea time to pass the muffins that you and your class baked. Mingyu had told you he went out with a sullen look on his face earlier. It was raining heavily outside, and you were worried that he didn't have his umbrella with him.

You run around the neighborhood, only to see a familiar figure crouching down behind the concrete tunnel at the playground in the rain.

“Seokmin? What are you doing here? It's raining” you asked as you carefully came up to him. He was still crouching, eyes downcast as his hands held waterproof cardboard over a puppy lying down on the ground.

“This puppy, he's dead. I- I always feed him but I was a bit late today be-because–” he sobbed, still staring at the lifeless puppy below. You crouched next to him, covering his head with the umbrella you brought even though he's already drenched and your heart broke at the sight of him, face wet with tears and raindrops, a frown and pout decorating his handsome face.

It was the first time you saw him cry, because he's always the one who comforts others, always puts others before himself.

If he's the one who always offers his shoulders to anyone who's sad, who offers their shoulders to him when he's upset?

“Do you need a hug?” You offered silently, opening your arms for him. Seokmin pouted even more before nodding and slowly moving to bury his face in your shoulder, and wrapping his arms around your torso as he sobbed sadly. You patted him on his back in a comforting manner, just listening to him crying his heart out for who knows how long.

“Sorry, I've wetted your sweater with my tears…” he mumbled as pulled away from you after he calmed down a bit.

“It's fine. Are you feeling okay now?” You asked with a soft smile.

“Yeah, thanks. But you're all wet too now! I'm so sorry!” He panicked again upon seeing half of your body was wet from the rain too. Your skirt was drenched, same as your shoes and socks.

“Hey, it's fine. I have spare clothes back at school. You've been in the rain longer than I am. We should probably get inside now or else we'll be sick. Come on,” you stood up, offering your hand for him to take. He did, and you walked together to find a box to place the puppy so that he can bring him to the pet crematorium at the end of the block later.

You didn't ask anything to him, it wasn't your place to be nosy of his affairs even though you're dying to know why his members said he's so sullen today.

“I had a fight with Jiwon,” he said out of nowhere when you both were watching the process of the cremation of the little puppy.

“Ah, I see. No wonder Mingyu said you looked sullen today. It's okay you can always talk and fix–”

“She wanted me to quit my job as a ranger,” he added and cut you off. You gasped, but didn't say anything to let him continue.

“I mean, I was fine if she didn't want me to raise the puppy at my apartment because she's always there. But telling me to quit my job just because Yeseung and Wonu are there and you're next door is a bit overreacting, don't you think so?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, Jiwon knows we're close to each other. I told her that you're my closest friend next to my members and she didn't like it. She was mad and we argued. She should've known that I love my job very much and she should have just supported me even if she didn't like it but forcing her decision on me is unacceptable,” he complained but all you could hear was ‘you’re my closest friend next to my members’.

The way he rejected you whilst being so unaware about it was so unreal that it stopped being funny to you.

“Yeah, she should have respected your opinions instead of forcing her beliefs on you” you muttered weakly as a response. You both walked back to the headquarters in silence only to hear screaming on the foyer.

“Jiwon?” Seokmin called out. The woman turned towards where you both stood at the gate and she rushed towards you to push at your shoulders violently, making you stumbled back.

“You bitch! Why are you with him?! What did you do?!” she screamed at your face.

“Jiwon, why are you being like this? Y/n was just accompanying me to send off the puppy that I always fed” Seokmin explained, trying to get his girlfriend off of you.

“That damn dog again?! How many times do I have to tell you? It's disgusting!” Jiwon yelled. You grabbed her by the collar, irritated at her constant yelling.

“Shut your trap. You're making a scene” you warned, voice low and demanding.

“And who are you to tell me anything?! Oh, you're ashamed that people are gonna know you're an ugly bitch who's trying to steal someone's boyfriend?!”

“No one's ashamed of anything and no one's stealing anyone. Calm down, Jiwon. Listen to me, please” Seokmin pleaded, pulling his girlfriend away from your grasp.

“Why are you siding with her? Did you actually like her?!” Jiwon shouted.

“I am honestly stunned. How did a guy who's so nice like him ended up with someone crazy like you? Did you put a spell on him or something?” You sighed exasperatedly, before snickering at her in a mocking manner. You've lost your cool. Your anger is blazing right now.

“You called me crazy?! Who do you think you are!” She yelled yet again, splashing the cup of orange juice at your face in anger. The whole foyer was stunned, including Seokmin. No one dares to make a move or utter a thing.

“You should have been grateful that he's the nicest human being on earth, the purest and kindest to ever exist. You should have been kind and respectful towards him, treat him with care and so much love the way he treated his friends and you. The way he deserves. Honestly, he deserves so much better than a nasty piece of crap like you” you spat, venom lacing in your tone. Your eyes are glowering in rage, if looks could kill, the woman in front of you would have died more than a few times already.

“What? Do you think you're better than me? That you deserved him?!”

“I'm not. If I'm better than you, I wouldn't even be here entertaining your pathetic ass. I'd rather ignore your pitiful yapping and tend to him because right now, he needs comfort more than anything. But here I am, standing eye to eye with such an ungrateful bastard when my heart is burning with envy”

It was indirect confession, you realized it too late as you noticed Seokmin's eyes widening at your words. But, you'd rather tell him the truth now instead of seeing him getting hurt by this wench.

“You actually have feelings for him, you shameless bitch!” Jiwon screamed, lurching forward to give you a slap but you were faster. She staggered back, the sound of smack was deafening. All eyes landing on you.

“Stop trying to touch me with your filthy hands. It's disgusting” you spat, before walking away from the scene.

You didn't know how you ended up at Yeseung’s door after that, only staring mindlessly at Wonwoo who had a shocked expression seeing you there– drenched.

“Come on in, Yeseungie is inside” he ushered you in, closing the door behind him.

“Bub, Y/n is here. She needs you” the tall guy had said to his girlfriend who was inside the bedroom.

“Y/n?” Yeseung’s voice was heard before she emerges from the bedroom wearing matching headband and pajamas as her boyfriend.

“Oh my gosh you're drenched. You're gonna wet my floor. Off you go to wash up, I'll bring you a change of clothes” she huffed, pushing you off to the guest bathroom.

“Baby can you get us some snacks?” Yeseung said.

“Yeah, I'll leave them at the door later and I'll be at Soonyoung's place. Call me if you need me, okay? Love you, bub,”

“Wonu left. You can wash up and then we'll talk,”

You ended up crying the whole night, before running down with a fever. It was embarrassing, being heartbroken until you fell ill as if you're still in highschool. It was even more mortifying that your body decided to fall sick at Yeseung’s house– troubling the couple even more. But they didn't mind at all, nursing you back to health as if you're their child.

You saw Seokmin again the next school day and you tried your hardest not to just bolt away and listen to what he has to say instead. You guys decided to talk at a nearby cafe, with a cup of coffee and cakes.

“I broke up with Jiwon” he announced, capturing your attention. You didn't know what to respond to that, so he continues,

“Thank you for saying what you said that day. I was really thankful and grateful for that. What you said made me really happy. Knowing someone thinks highly of me is really comforting,”

“I wasn't the only one. All of us feel that way. All of us think very highly of you. You're the kind of person who deserves the whole world” you mumbled. Seokmin smiled warmly at your words, enough to make you flustered.

“And… I'm sorry I didn't realize that you've liked me for a long while already. Mingyu told me that I've been blind. It must've hurt a lot yeah? Listening to me talk about Jiwon all the time… I'm sorry…”

When his voice sounded sad, you whipped your head up to look at him, his smile gone with a pout decorating his handsome face.

“It's fine. You don't have to be sorry, I'm just glad to see you're happy is all”

“But I am upset that you said you didn't deserve me and you talked badly of yourself. Because to me, you are so caring and loving towards others even though your face is intimidating sometimes”

“I really like being around you, Y/n. You made me feel at ease and I know I can always be myself and count on you. So… will you please not run away and stay until… until I can learn to love you more than a friend does?” He asked, round eyes looking at you with hope. You looked away, trying to hide the blush that's creeping their way up your face but he took it the wrong way, immediately pleading.

“Did you not like me anymore, Y/n? Is it because of what Jiwon did to you last time? I'm sorry, please! I promise I'll learn my hardest even if I'm not the brightest student!” He panicked.

“Only for a short while. I'll stop liking you if you take too much time to learn” you muttered, still staring out of the window at the cats.

“I'll try my best!” He chirped excitedly. His smile came back, beaming at you brightly like the sun itself.

You lied. There's no way you would actually be able to stop liking him, because you're falling in love with him deeper every second you spend with this man. Because your heart has already been painted yellow by the ranger himself. Making you feel bright, easy going and fluttery ever since you met him.

I guess rangers do exist. And their powers actually work too. – you noted, staring at the man who was petting a cat rolling around on the pavement.

“Y/n, let's adopt him!” He quipped, looking up at you with thise shiny eyes again.

“You can adopt him, but why do you need my approval?” You asked.

“Are you not going to be my girlfriend later on? I'll need your approval if you're going to always come to my apartment,” he questioned.

“Have you taken your lesson seriously? I told you I'm not going to wait for long,” you sassed. He gasped, bouncing on his feet to stand up quickly with the cat in his arms. His brows furrowed as he stepped closer towards you with that cute pout again.

“I'm learning! I promise I am. Don't leave. You're not allowed to” Seokmin whined, his fingers curling around your wrist gently. You smiled.

“I'm kidding. I won't leave. You can paint my heart yellow again if I tried to,” you chuckled, pulling your hand away only to lace your fingers together with his.

It was his turn to blush now, even the tip of his ears burned bright red.

“I will! As many times as it takes!” He announced, squeezing your hands together. He looked so cute like this, it warms your heart. You both ended up laughing at your ridiculousness, walking hand-in-hand back to your workplace.

-Fin-

#seventeen x reader #svt fanfic #hongmingoo #svt fluff #svt dk #svt dk x reader #dk x reader #dokyeom

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