#i'm going to have to gif it but it's also cr night so... who knows when

[salemlunaa]

Reminder for those who want to enter the void/“I AM”:

STOP WAITING FOR THE NIGHT

You can enter and ANY time of day, seriously.

You don’t need to wait for nighttime, try and then get upset at yourself for “failing” and wait for the next night, having to endure another day in ur shit reality. I get some people believe that the state in which you are before you fall asleep makes it easier for you to enter, but everything is easy for you, you are a god, you need to remember who you are.

I also get that some ppl have priorities in their cr during the day like school and work, we all do, I get it. But if you have time, do it, the void/“I AM” is in us, it is impossible not to tap unless we assume, why are you accommodating to “time” when you can do it at any point in the day. girl, please. So again if you have the time, do it while the sun is still shining, because who cares?? I know WE don’t because we’re gonna get in regardless. However, you don’t need to make some big thing of it and spend the day desperately doing like 5 methods and getting mad when you don’t enter in 5 mins. Be kind to yourself, when you feel calm you can decide you want tap in, just relax and focus on your breathing and if you have any white noise around you like wind, rain or birds chirping, focus on that too.

Just do it, do it while natural light is still flooding your room (I'm saying this because l used to be OBSESSED with trying at night bc I thought the pitch black dark made it easier for me to enter😭😭) do it in the morning or the afternoon because YOU CAN.

WE CAN ENTER AT ANY TIME IN A MATTER OF MINUTES EVEN SECONDS, IF YOU WILL

Do I need to remind you who you are???

You are so powerful don’t conform to “time”, you are the operant power, get rid of those limiting beliefs

The void/“I AM” state is easy because it’s in us, we can tap in at ANY time

SO LETS GO GET OUR DREAM LIVES NOW NOT TONIGHT, NOT TMRW NIGHT NOWWW, WHO ARE YOU TO BE WAITING? YOURE ABOVE WAITING, YOU GODLY BEING 💋🌿

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝐒𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 | Part 3

How is he going to pull himself out of this one, when the signs all point to one thing?

Tags/Warnings: Game Designer!Jungkook, Non Idol AU, established relationship, Angst [Tags will be different for every part!]

Length: 1k Words

There is no taglist for this fic.

Collab with @euphoricfilter ! 💜

-> Masterlist

A/N: hitting you with the double angst spicy meal today yum yum yum

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Going out without Jungkook isn't really fun at all- especially not when you're mad at him, and didn't even plan on going out anyways.

But you've been hoping at least a little bit deep down that it would help him realize that you're not gonna just stay home and be his maid all day- something that apparently had become his new reality. And when you come back home, there's hope- the lights are still on, bedroom door open as well. Has he been waiting? Is he gonna apologize for once?

You technically learned to always expect the unexpected with him during your relationship, but nothing could've prepared you for the sight you're witnessing inside the shared room- because he's fast asleep, snuggled beneath the covers as if there's nothing wrong at all.

The crushing devastation of that alone, the fact that he can just sleep while you've always stayed up, mind unable to rest if he's not in sight or near you, just too much to handle. You've got half a mind to just throw him out the bed, but he's got his weight and amount of hours in the gym on his side- it'd be too much of a hassle, and right now, you really don't want to deal with him any longer. So you just turn off the lights, take some blankets, and close the door to make yourself comfortable on the couch for tonight instead.

You just can't take this anymore.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

The next morning he's out already, having left you a note in messy handwriting about something needing to be shipped out, so he'd be back later today after bringing the packages to the post office. There's a wonky looking crying face drawn next to a 'sorry for last night', and you just crumple up the note to throw it into the trash, since that's all his words are to you at this point.

There has to be a reason he's acting like that- and you want to figure it out, even if you don't like what you'll discover.

Booting up his pc would take way too long since you're not sure how long he's gonna be out- and you also feel a little bad about invading his privacy like that, so you instead occupy yourself with putting the blankets away and at least making yourself late breakfast. But the laptop on the kitchen counter, left by him probably in a hurry, is too enticing to ignore.

It's still on standby too, blinking light on the side taunting you to open it up.

Giving into temptation, you open it- just to be faced with a screen that tells you it's locked by the main administrator. A passcode? Since when did he have that?

Jungkook and you have never really hidden anything from one another. He knows the passcode to your phone, and he even has your fingerprint and face-ID saved on his own- so why the sudden secrecy? It's clear from yesterday that he's keeping something from you, and you're not sure how to feel about that. Is he..

no. He wouldn't. Right?

Then again, he really just went from having sex almost daily and clinging to you at random times a day to zero libido and no interest whatsoever- so there must be something going on. Is he getting his fill somewhere else? Has he found someone who can love him better than you?

"I'm ba- oh?" He looks at you like the deer caught in the headlights same eyes and all, frozen in his spot as he caught you in the act, your angry face and stance obviously signaling your unhappiness still. Well, what did he think was going to happen? That you'd just accept his antics and not ask any questions? That some pancakes from your favorite place down the street are just gonna solve the situation he himself has been creating?

....a little. But he's not that stupid.

You storm off without a word, as he sighs and runs a hand over his face, putting the pancakes on the kitchen counter to instead shower first, needing to get his head free and reset his body so he can figure out a way to at least pacify your rage for now. He's so close to finally getting it done- you'll just have to wait a little longer, and he's gonna make it all worth it.

But to you, his shower doesn't look like just a need for a physical reset- it just seems to add color to your worst fear that's been brewing beneath your skin, poisoning the blood in your veins.

And when you take his phone from the bed, you're slapped right across the face again- as the phone doesn't recognize it at all, the password you're tapping in wrong just as much, causing the phone to vibrate and demand a proper input. This is stupid. Why is he suddenly hiding his every move it feels like? It can't be anything other than that- and yet you want to think it's not it. That he's not this heartless. He's always been a romantic and obsessed with true love- granted, his idea of romance was a little odd, but it was still uniquely his, and always honest and genuine.

He used to care about you so much. Where did that go?

When he steps out the shower, the round eyes make an appearance again, body running ice cold at the sight of you sitting on his bed with his phone in your hand. Fuck- what's he going to do now?

"Since when did you change your passcode?" You want to know, voice a lot more fragile than you hoped it would be. You don't want to seem so weak in front of him now. You want to scream and yell, in fact. Punch his stupid pretty face until he feels just as hurt as you do in this moment.

His lips part, but he's not saying anything.

"And since when did you lock your laptop?" You ask, but still- he doesn't give you an answer at all as he instead nervously licks his lips, and plays with the piercings.

And then, his phone vibrates- and it shows that he's not been as thorough in hiding as he thought he was. Because the messages and notifications are still displayed. And this message makes your stomach drop as you read it.

[Maria: Alright, I'm so excited! Next time let's d...]

[dark-night-hero]

「Love You In The Dark」 Kamisato Ayato

↳ In which the more you continue to love him in the dark the more you felt like not only were you breaking your heart, but also his.

It was a wonderful night. It was also a night before a wonderful celebration. And yet here you are due to some reasons resting at the back of the estate now that all tasks are done. Just a few moments ago, you were also doing packing your things. Looking at the stars, a smokin pipe in hand, you're leaning peaceful on the walls of the estate. But then that peaceful night was interrupted with a sound of light footsteps coming.

Alerted, you turn to look at the person only to relax. "My Lord." "I told you to call me Ayato when it's just the two of us- you're smoking." "Do you want some?" You offered in which he shakes his head. You just nod and continue to smoke for the last time as he slowly approaches you. "All the preparations were done for tomorrow's ceremony." "I've heard." "Then you should be asleep right now." "If I do, then I'll be regretting this in the morning." "I doubt that." You chuckle, putting out the flame and placing your smoking pipe down. There was a moment of silence after that.

"I would drop everything if you want me to." "I know. That's why I'm not asking for anything." Looking away from the stars, you look at him only to find him looking at you. So you look away, a small yet genuine smile on your face. "Do you hate me?" "I wish I could." You chuckle, "But what can we do?" You look at him once again. "It's not like I'm the one who's hurting." You reach out to brush off the silent tear on his cheek. "Don't cry, Ayato." "But you're leaving." "You're getting married." You caress his cheek affectionately. "I'm not asking for anything else, am I?" "I'd rather ask you to give up that damn marriage." "Hmmm, I wish I could."

"(First name)?" It was a familiar yet unfamiliar voice. You are pretty sure you have heard it somewhere. No, you were pretty sure you knew who was calling you, yet you didn't dare turn around. "(First name)." This time, you felt a gentle hold on your arm, causing you to shut your eye for a moment before turning around to face him.

As soon as you turn around, just like what you have expected, there he was, and for some odd reasons, seems flustered as he hold you by your arm, slightly panting as he look at you wide eyes as if he could not believe you are actually in front of him right now. "It's really you." "Mr. Kamisato, it's been a while." You smile gently at him, taking a step back, causing him to loosen his hold into you.

The was he reach out, nevertheless retracted his hand as he stared at it for a while before clenching and unclenching it then bringing it to his side before putting his attention into you. "Right, it's been a while. I've been looking for you." "All the way to Liyue?" You spoke before shutting up. That was wrong. In the first place, you should have just ignored him and went as fast as you can. "Mr. Kamisato, what are you even doing here? Never mind that I should get going now, Mr. Kamisato."

As you turn around and was about to leave, you feel a thug on your clothes. "Wait." Don't, leave him be. So you took a step forward, but he didn't let go. "Please wait-" "Let go while I'm asking nicely, Mr. Kamisato" You spoke with a sigh, heart painful throbbing on your chest. You should leave, leave, and never look back. You've done it once. You can do it again.

As you took a step forward, the moment you took a forceful step forward, you heard a sniff. Don't turn around. Another step followed by another sniff that you can feel your heart breaking a bit by bit. Here you thought it already shattered enough that day. "(First name), please. I- I was wrong." Don't turn around. "Please, hear me out." Don't turn around. Archons, don't. "Darling, please." Fuck! Don't turn around. You've done it once, why can't you do it again this time?

"Fuck!" You curse under your breath and turn around. "Why are you looking so pathetic crying in the middle of the street? Where is your dignity?!" You spoke as you grab him by his arm and started heading towards the direction of your house. "Those who knows you would be laughing, crying to see you in such pathetic state, you, the one and only Lord of the Kamisato clan!" You can not help your temper. He looks like he has not gone to sleep for years.

As soon as the two of you entered the house, you urged him for a bath. The thing is, you end up giving him a bath just like the good old days you never thought you would do again. "Don't cry." As he sits on the tub, he weakly reaches out to wipe away the tears rolling down your cheeks. "I hate seeing you cry." "Fuck you." You sniff and glare at him. "You- you should be in there living a happy- if not happy at least a contented and peaceful life. What in the fuck are you doing in here." You cried as you gently rinse off the shampoo in his hair.

"I let you go already, why are you here- fuck. What the fuck are you doing in here?" "I- I came to get you back." "I'm not going." "I didn't marry her." You almost splash him with a water in the face. "What do you mean?" "I called of the arrange marriage." He had a small smile on his face after that.

"I was wrong. If I truly love you, I should have never allow you to make such choice- there should have never been a choice to begin him." He look so tired when he said that, brushing back his wet strand of hair away from his face. "My lover is selfless" He added. "You told me to live a happy, if not a contented and peaceful life." When he looks at you, you look away but then a hand gently had you face him. "Darling. I can only achieve that life when you're by my side. I was wrong to realize it too late." Then you let out a sob. "I'm sorry. I really am. But please, please I'm begging you (First name). Come back to me."

The way you sob, it hurts. At the same time, was it relief that you are feeling right now? But then there comes the guilt. "I- we- let's get you dried up, Mr. Kamisato." "(First name)-" "Not now, let's get you dried up and clothed first." You spoke as calmly as possible as you stood up and wipe away your own tears. "Darling- please- I know you can't-" "Ayato." You look at him, "Dry up and dress up, I'm going to introduce you to someone."

The way he cautiously and nervously looks at you, who is currently helping him put on a new set of clothes. It seems like it was the clothes the locals here wear. But the thing is, why do you have spare clothes of man on your house? "One of the locals gave it to me." You suddenly explained, "They assumed I have a husband, so they just gave me this. I never thought it could be put to use until now." Suddenly, relief came into him, releasing the breath he's been holding on unconsciously.

"Come here." He had no choice but to follow you as you gently hold him by the hand, it was warm. "Who I'm about to introduce you, I'm sorry." "What-?"

The way his eyes widen as soon as his eyes set on the sleeping figure on the room just right next to you. He took a step back, his heart beating wildly on his chest, he looks like he was about to snap his neck the way he turn his head into you. "Is he?" His light purple iris were trembling as they looked into your (eye color) ones. You did not dare look away from him, not like you can as those teary eyes look into you with hope.

You wonder what he could be feeling right now. Pain? Happiness? Betrayal? Sadness? Before you could even think further, you watch in shock as he kneels in front of you, hands shaking as they hold into your clothes. "Please. I'm begging you. He's mine, right?" The way those bloodshot light purple iris looks at you. Those eyes were telling you, were begging you, even if it's a lie to tell him that the child peacefully sleeping on the bed was his.

"He's mine right? Please tell me he's mine." He looked desperate, he was desperate. He was begging on his knees. "Please say something." He begged, clenching on your clothes he was holding on. Then tears started falling, you don't know if it was his or yours. But then you nod, not trusting your voice. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hide- hide it from you. I was just-" "I shouldn't have let you leave." In a split of seconds, you were in his arms.

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I'm sorry." He repeatedly apologized as he held you tightly yet gently in his arms. "I'm sorry you had to leave and continue to love me in the dark." "And thank you." You felt him shake. "Thank you, fuck. Thank you." You just stood there, in your own tears as he held you in his arms. But then you slowly lifted your arms, and then you placed it on his back. "It's alright." As you gently tap his back in comfort, the more his shoulder quiver, the more you felt him hold you tighter, but, "It's alright."

It was an eventful night full of tears and revelation, almost like that night all those years ago, and yet for some odd reasons, it felt so different. For some reason, you no longer felt like it would be like the old times where the two of you have to love each other in the dark.

"Will it be alright for me to come back?" By your question, it made him scoff, gently shifting the child in his arms as the two of you look at the horizon as the two, three of you headed back in the nation the two of you belonged. "It's always been your home. Isn't it natural to come back where you belong?" "Still, the two of us-" "They know." "Huh?" "Would you believe me if I told you we were never in the dark?" For a moment, your (eye color) iris tremble.

"As funny as it may sound, everybody knows, can see how we felt for each other. That's why by the time I back down at the arranged marriage, they didn't find it strange." There was a small smile on his lips. "Would you believe me if I said Ayaka almost beaten me to death upon hearing your departure?" There was sad smile on his lips, but then he look down on his and your child in his arms.

"I'm sorry" "I told you it's alright-" "But it's not." He looks at you gently. "No matter what you say, time wasted is time wasted. I'm going to win you back no matter what you said." You blink at him. "What's the point of winning me again over when I was never over you?" This time, he blinks at you. "Is that so?" "Hmm." You hummed before the two of you let out a burst of laughter.

Suddenly, a harsh cold breeze passed by sending a shiver down your spine, as well as the child in Ayato's arms. "Let's head inside?" He asked, holding you close with his free hand before giving you a peck on your forehead. "Let's head inside." You replied as you started to make your way inside when you felt a thug on your clothes. It strangely felt deja vu.

It was strange at the same time it made you realize that, in fact, this was no longer a situation where you have to carry on things even though you are not fine. Nor were the two of you in a situation where you have to keep your love in the dark. This was no longer a situation where even without a fight, the two of you were placed in a situation where the two of you had to be defeated.

"What's wrong?" "I love you." It was strange but warm. "I don't think I ever said it openly and this loud before." The way he stood there with your and his child in his arms, the way he was rubbing his neck in flustered. You chuckle, "I love you too."

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2023°

[kanmom51]

Feels appropriate today, doesn't it?

cr./@abtjikook

Did we mention that 8 July was 2800 days count from 8 November 2015?

And today we have the book spoilers.

I have sinned, I admit it. Could not wait to next week for my book to arrive and went and read the spoiler pages.

The way they talk about that trip.

We get confirmation that it was ever ONLY about the two of them.

We get confirmation that this trip meant EVERYTHING to them.

Not like we didn't know that already. But it's nice to hear it once again from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

The joy JK got from those little supposedly insignificant moments. Staying up all night because JM was looking through his phone, walking the streets and JM's feet hurting.

Do we see the connecting thread here?

Well, beyond it all being about the one person he also made the star of his creation - JM.

It's all about the mundane!!

They got to be a couple. Alone. Outside of their idol lives. Well, tried their best. And the gift of anonymity with their Halloween costumes. This was just what they needed.

So this trip, it wasn't about a start of a relationship (let's be real, they were 2 years into the relationship at that point). This trip was about them trying to be 'normal' human beings, a 'normal' couple, doing the 'normal' things couples do. No security, no managers, no fans (well they wanted that). Just being themselves together doing the mundane.

All of this isn't happening in a vacuum either. It's happening when they are struggling with their fame and life decisions (some of which were made when they were very very young).

Mundane.

A word I mentioned before too.

Because that's what gave them joy in this trip.

Because discovering that everything you felt for each other also survives that test, the test of being a 'regular', 'normal' couple. That is EVERYTHING.

Take all of that and add the effort that JK went to with arranging the trip. Paying for it. The timing (just almost their 2 year anniversary), the room number choice.

So yes, we get the significance of GCFT. And the significance of it's release date: 8/11/2017.

Do we remember JK's excitement one GCF Tokyo was uploaded?

Almost 6 years on, reading those lines, and JK's choice for GCFT kind of hits you hard, doesn't it?

I woke up pissed off today And lately everyone feels fake Somewhere, I lost a piece of me Smoking cigarettes on balconies But I can't do this alone Sometimes I just need a light If I call you on the phone Need you on the other side So when your tears roll down your pillow like a river I'll be there for you I'll be there for you When you're screaming, but they only hear you whisper I'll be loud for you But you gotta be there for me too But you gotta be there for me too Last year took a toll on me But I made it with you next to me Around the world and back again I hope you're waiting at the end But I can't do this alone Sometimes I just need a light If I call you on the phone Need you on the other side So when your tears roll down your pillow like a river I'll be there for you I'll be there for you When you're screaming, but they only hear you whisper I'll be loud for you I'll be loud for you I got you, I promise But let me be honest Love is a road that goes both ways When your tears roll down your pillow like a river I'll be there for you But you gotta be there for me too But you gotta be there for me too Boy, I'm holdin' onto something Won't let go of you for nothing I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you There was a time that I was so blue What I got to do to show you? I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Said, I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you But you gotta be there for me too But you gotta be there for me too

And then you take Letter

Baby, don't leave, just stay with me, yeah To you who saw me greater than my little self (to you) So that I can only deliver as much as I received (Uh-oh) So that I can keep my word (Uh-oh) Don't worry, just stay by your side, yeah Because I don't know what days awaits us (Yeah) I'm scared even though it looks like it (Uh-oh) Don't forget to always say "together" (don't forget)

JM's reply?

I absolutely adore these young men.

I am still to read the book. Can't wait. I'm sure there will be more to add. But at this point, from the few pages shared, I think it's also safe to say that 2018 issues were not about their relationship. Far from it.

They were struggling with themselves. Adjusting to stardom. As much as they wanted the success, as much as they wanted it all, when that dream became a reality is when it hit them that being a star, being famous, being successful, it comes with a price. And that price is at times hard to accept, hard to digest, hard to adjust to and to some impossible to live with. And that is what they were going through. What next? How far? How long? How much? Is this what I really want to do with my life? What price? Is it worth the price? Each of them dealing with it in their own way. JM and JK there for each other, helping each other through it all.

[psychomindgames]

Cupid’s Club Dr

In a world where ancient gods exist, society has evolved into an era of lust and hedonism, where few believe in true love. However, Eros has a plan to restore the balance between love and lust. He teams up with Moirai and starts a dating agency as a cover to secretly send his army of cupids out to help humans fall in love once more. Eros recruits' humans as cupids from all over the world based on their kindness, cheerfulness, and empathic behavior. He uses a magic powder that makes people forget about his existence and everything about their encounter if they refuse to join the cupids. Those who accept the deal are guaranteed to be with their true love and are provided for the rest of their lives.

Club Slogan: Where Cupid's Arrow Never Misses

Dr Name: River

Age: Adult (FYI I’m also an adult in this reality)

Occupation: Club Owner / Cupid 💘

Aesthetic:

My Background story: I literally script in the plot of the movie “Hitch” 💀. I know but listen I thought it was a cute movie plus it fit the theme. Hitch was like cupid, and I made him one into this Dr. So, this the background story, I was the first minor to be scouted in becoming a Cupid. Hitch became my training couch and I help him with his clients. Once I became an adult, I opened up a Night Club called "Cupid's club." I hired other Cupids so we can have easier access to their targets and people that are in need of love. The reason I even did this script was to go clubbing, I'm of age to want to go but it's just our CR suck and there always some dangerous surrounding clubs. So, I'm looking forward to this DR.

[festivestar]

I SOUGHT AFTER YOU.

IN WHICH — [ name ] longs for the Head of the Kamisato Clan, though it seems Ayato has other things to attend to as the heir. Yet, Ayaka and Thoma try to do anything and everything for them to spend time together.

CW — implied ayamiya, gender neutral reader, reader has sleepless nights longing for ayato, thoma and reader are step-siblings, angst but with happy ending, platonic thoma x reader, reader barely eating at times, reader slaps ayato, ayato calls reader endearments ( my love, darling, etc.. ), they're basically the “old” married couple troupe.

A/N — you may think, is this a valentine gift considering I've basically stopped posting? yes 🤗 also warning it's like, really bad...

The orange hue of the late afternoon casted upon the lover of Kamisato Ayato, whom he loved dearly, or so he thought. “[ name ], you seriously need to get some sleep. I know you miss Ayato but this is ruining you more.”

Thoma insists, though you didn't bother listening. You waited for who knows how long just for your lover to return, walking down the path to your beloved home with open arms. But no signs of him have been spotted ever since he left for business work.

“I'll be fine, Thoma. Say, do you mind grabbing my coat? I'm going for a walk out.” You say with a hoarse voice, due to the lack of water and food for the entire day. “But [ name ]—”

The blonde notices your focused but far self staring out the window, giving up as he goes down stairs to fetch your coat. Mere seconds later, he is back with your coat in hand. “Here you go.” Standing up, you walk up to him, putting it on. He watches as you tend to yourself slowly, frowning at your exhausted form.

“You be safe out there, 'kay?” He says, placing a quick peck on your forehead, before taking your vision in hand, placing it into your palm. You nod, before placing a quick kiss on his cheek, walking off to who knows where.

He watches your form disappear from his place behind the walls, concern heavy in his chest. ‘Oh Ayato, where are you?’ He ponders.

Days and days of letters exchanged between Ayaka and Ayato, yet, no sign of him eventually coming back. Work was exhausting for the youngest Kamisato, yet her blonde girlfriend did anything to make her entertained. And you, were still watching out the window for a sight of Ayato.

At times, Ayaka and Thoma try to distract you from the thought of the heir, yet nothing was able to get him off your mind.

You were slowly losing the motivation to get up and eat either way, and you've noticed that from how sluggish your body has been.

Hope was slowly starting to falter for you, until a particular day where a knock comes the front of the Kamisato Estate.

“Ayato— where have you been?!” Hearing Thoma's distant voice mentioning Ayato, you sit up quickly, scrambling out of your bed to see your lover. Quick steps down the stairs, as you meet face to face with the heir.

“[ name ]—” He was cut off, when his face was quickly pushed to the side by your harsh slap. “What is wrong with you?!” Frustrated tears start to gather in your eyes, as you gripped your clothes tightly.

Thoma and Ayaka watch in shock, as you start to tremble. “I've been waiting for you, for an entire week Ayato! And with no information of when you would come back? That's absurd!” You felt like cold water had been poured onto you, you felt upset and enraged.

Ayato had nothing to say, as you shouted at him, tears slowly starting to fall down your face. As he watches you, he notices your wrinkled clothes, messy appearance, the eye bags that were too noticeable than it usually is.

“AYATO! WOULD YOU EXPLAIN, PLEASE!” You yelled, shouted, screamed as loud as you could, just to let Ayato get the message. “My love I—”

Your legs ached for you to sit, exhausted and famished. You tried to speak, but all came out was disgruntled sobs that seemed to pour endlessly.

As your legs shake, Ayato holds you up, easily stopping you from pushing him away. By the time you started crying, the other two already left, just to let you both deal with it as a married couple.

He held you there, head close to his chest, not bothering with the wet substance on his chest being your tears mixed with snot.

As you slowly calmed down, in the end Ayato was brushing through your hair with his fingers, massaging your scalp at times to tire you out. “I'm sorry, darling. I truly mean it. I know, it's best not to use work as an excuse. Considering I always do. Best I could do is apologies, apologizing to you with words and not gifts. My love instead of heartless promises. I love you, with all my heart [ name ], I'd die for you.”

At the last sentence, you hit his back softly, trying to stifle a giggle at his corny antics. “Either way, through the moon and back. You will forever be my star.” He spoke, kissing atop of your head.

“I love you too, Ayato. You just, have to promise to let me know how long you will be leaving next time, 'kay? Send me letters too.” Your voice muffled as you talk into his chest, warmth spreading through his body at your breath. “Promise, my star.”

[all-thestories-aretrue]

I am about 1 million years late to this but thank you for the tag @graphitekayla!!!

Rules: without naming them, post 10 gifs of your favorite shows, then tag 10 people. I'm definitely going to break this rule; you can't give me the opportunity to gush about my faves and not expect me to name them all!!

If anyone has followed me for any length of time none of this will be a shock lmao.

Shadowhunters, and more broadly speaking The Mortal Instruments. My first real fandom!!! I cannot overstate the impact the books and show had on my life. I wouldn't be who I am without it. I have an angelic rune tattoo. Magnus and Alec are some of the first queer characters I remember reading about. I remember where I was when they kissed for the first time in the show. You stupid nephilim lives rent free in my brain. This show (and the books) truly set up the trajectory my life is on now, and I will always always remember it fondly. Even with all the drama and discourse.

2. Critical Role, specifically C2. My first true obsession after the decade long Shadowhunters debacle. I stumbled into it to learn how to play D&D (which I now know is a controversy in and of itself lmao). But my friend @midnightellis wanted us to start a game, and I needed a way to learn that wasn't reading the books, so I started C2. It took 11 or 12 episodes, but then I fell in love. I spent the next almost year watching the entirety of C2 which culminated in visiting them to watch the finale together. I was extremely jetlagged. It was basically 8 amazing hours of nonstop crying. I have zero regrets. Except for the fact I still need to get the tattoo I had planned rip. One day!! I promise!!

3. Arcane!!!! A brief interlude between Shadowhunters and CR. There was about 4 months were I was OBSESSED and watched the entire show like 3 times back to back. I have many thoughts and feelings about Jayce. The show is also just so visually stunning. I cannot wait for S2 to drop in November!!!!!! I know nothing about League but I do really love this show.

4. House. Iconic. What else needs to be said? House is very much a comfort show for me; great to rewatch during the winter. I've watched the entire thing almost three times now, and even got my mom hooked lol. It was fun seeing all her reactions to everything before I moved.

5. If I had known what fandom was when this was airing, I truly would have been all over that shit. But I was 8 and didn't have access to the internet. Aang/Katara def my first otp lol. I did, however, ignore a friend that was over at my house to watch the finale, I believe. I definitely told them to go play so I could watch the show uninterrupted. Needless to say, they were not thrilled with that. I'm 90% sure it was the finale now, but I could be wrong about the episode. ATLA is also another comfort show that I could watch over and over again.

6. Shadow and Bone. I am still SICKENED this got canceled. Genya and David are the ultimate romance, and no one will convince me otherwise. I almost stopped reading when I found out his fate. I was devastated. Everyone in this show is also very pretty. I can't believe we won't get a s3.

I'm going to stop here because this is already long enough, and tbh I'm not sure I actually have four more shows. I can only be obsessed with one thing at a time, and the current obsession is Path of Night. And that does not seem to be waning any time soon.

Edit: Lost should 100% be on this list. I think I've watched it at least four times. My family and I watched it live as it was airing when I was a kid. And it still is one of my favorite shows. I know people got beef with the ending but I truly didn't mind it. Even if it's bad or whatever, I think Lost is still 100% worth watching. There are so many little hints and clues that I pick up something different every time, and each character death hits just as hard.

I'm going to tag: @gelatinouscute, @peppedstep, @midnightellis, @discordkittenterumi, @im-a-vampire-now, @zeena-athena , @syntia13treeman , @sapphicfugue , @dr-thumbs-brand-new-spot

If you want to do this :)

[shatterthefragments]

I posted 1,516 times in 2021

360 posts created (24%)

1156 posts reblogged (76%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.2 posts.

I added 1,225 tags in 2021

#i shatter queue - 713 posts

#art - 77 posts

#vent - 66 posts

#saved - 64 posts

#video - 57 posts

#quizzes - 56 posts

#uquiz - 55 posts

#yes - 48 posts

#and bc i love your tags: - 46 posts

#things that make me happy - 43 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#on a more serious note i still don’t really think anybody would ever want to date me and that’s probably a sign i’m not ready but alsolonely

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

The Joy In Our Embrace

For @unaestheticbiostudent​ - Happy new year! Hope you like the art and drabble! :D

Created for @bentomodachi​‘s New Year Gift Exchange

Kouhei and Taichi walked to the park, and were the only ones there, despite it being a lovely day. There was a bench over by some trees, and they sat down side by side, curling into each other.

It wasn't long before they were fully snuggled up together. Taichi brought his legs up and draped them over one of Kouhei's. They leaned in to each other. Kouhei's hands rested on top of Taichi's knee as Taichi hugged him from the side. Their heads leaned in towards each other and touched in a lovely head bonk of love. It was perfect. 

Find The Joy In Our Embrace on AO3 here!

progress pics under the cut!

Progress pics!

Thank you to Senshistock on deviantart who had the pose reference that I based this off of!

There was an inked photo, but I didn’t like it, so I didn’t put it here. Pencil -> ink -> watercolour pencil crayons -> water -> watercolour paints for the background

Painting is hard, but I am still having so much fun with it, so I hope you like the end result too!

6 notes • Posted 2021-01-06 01:39:06 GMT

#4

tag people you want to get to know better/catch up with!

tagged by @rhubarbdreams and @boutiquetraveltravelboutique

Thank you both! For the doubled questions - doubled answers muahahaha

I got a bit wordy so under the cut it shall go!

Favourite colour: blue? Currently reading: ...like physically or digitally? Physically: Romeo and/or Juliet, but slowly. Digitally: trying to catch up on All The Things (like. I have. Over 600 email subscriptions to TOG alone...)

Last song: Holy by King Princess (as that was my sleep song last night) and before that it's hard to tell because I was queueing to see what I felt like sleeping to that night (I just repeat the song for an hour on the sleep timer) so probably either The Worst [Polyphia] or Soda [Nothing But Thieves] or Sleeping In Waking [Rina Sawayama]

Last Movie/Film: ok ok so. I thought it was Waves. But it might have actually been Wolf. Time is hard. Both of these were Quite Some Time ago now.... but since this is a doubled question: Waves and Wolf! Last Series: Leverage! (I haven't seen Redemption yet though) Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: oooh all of them <3

Tea or coffee: Ahhhh both? I'm currently not having coffee, nor do I go out of my way to make my own tea right now (but I will grab a mug when dad makes it). But during the school semester I'll usually have coffee in the morning (and maybe in the afternoon too if I'm tired) and keep adding hot water to my travel tea mug throughout the day, too!

Currently Working On: cleaning my desk so I can maybe start the art/pictures for the bottom Joe week belated thing haha oops... but who knows maybe I'll be in too much pain idk. Moving upper arm is not fun rn. But also sort of started the writing part of it~ Might make it sexy despite originally wanting to do it non-explicit! (I'm not sure if I'm good per se, but I'm less hung up over doing more explicit stuff after doing the top Joe pornathon) Then once I finish that I'm hoping to seriously rework my Etsy Chronicles (working title) and for that one maybe I'll even try to find a beta? idk. I am so excited for it though!!!!

Currently watching: ummmm nothing? Sometimes maybe youtube a bit? I'll loop a video of music (rn usually Ichika Nito or Tim Henson) for the background... intending to watch Hartenstraat <3

Craving: food: maybe chocolate mousse because I said I would make it as long as mum helped (limited use of the arm I got jabbed in rn wo pain so I just avoid moving it in ways it'll hurt). drink: we were going to get bubble tea after our second dose appts, but bc of the timing, they were closed. So maybe one of the fruity bubble teas!

I forgot to tag initially, but if you have time and want to!:

@alkaysani @caffeinatedbraincell @kiaya @nickydestati @posingasme @randofando-spoonie <3

6 notes • Posted 2021-07-28 06:57:10 GMT

#3

*screams “FUCK” like Roy but like. My voice isn’t anywhere near as fuzzygravelly as his*

Ted Lasso y’all are just fucking me UP I love it and I’m here for it but also it would be nicer if I had access to a counsellor or something right now bc FEELINGS.

8 notes • Posted 2021-11-27 07:00:20 GMT

#2

snapshots // my beloved // my heart

Filled my bingo card (at the last moment of course) for @yusufalkaysanibingo !

A collection of many things - art, drabbles, little ficlets, a poem, and photographic collages! (Little teaser shown above!)

12 notes • Posted 2021-11-01 02:09:14 GMT

#1

SAME IF I EVER WHEN I FIND SOMEONE

13 notes • Posted 2021-05-17 20:04:55 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[purpleandsilver]

(FINALLY!) My Tumblr Year In Review

I posted 519 times in 2021

Interesting tidbits and reactions are all in italics

187 posts created (36%)

332 posts reblogged (64%) Not surprised really, I think the majority of my experience with social media is wanting people to see what I think is interesting. Maybe I should focus on more og posts and less reblogs. 🤔

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.8 posts.

I added 988 tags in 2021

#reblog - 292 posts

#critical role - 170 posts

#imalsoscarlet - 97 posts

#cr spoilers - 94 posts

#campaign 2 - 90 posts

#essek thelyss - 64 posts I'm surprised this number isn't higher lol

#c2e140 - 60 posts I posted that much about the second to last episode? Holy Essek's soup, that episode did a NUMBER on me

#dice - 43 posts Next year, this number will be higher, just you watch. 🥰

#shadowgast - 41 posts

#taylor swift - 37 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

Here's the post if you're interested lol

#also caleb's backstory is just *slaps caleb on the back* so full of tramua and hate but then trent gets locked up and caleb finds love

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Episode 140 In Pictures [No Spoilers]

Episodes 140 and 141 were ROLLERCOASTERS. Sometimes I STILL cry about them. I don't know if I can rewatch them lol.

94 notes • Posted 2021-05-28 16:11:48 GMT

#4

Critters I am once again asking for help identifying the artist to a fanart.

Who made this lovely work?

Edit: thank you @paichan13 for finding the artist for me. Check out the work (and aryist) on Twitter!

I love this fandom so much. I'm glad that I can find the person who make the fanart I randomly save to my phone. Look, I'm a simple person. I see Hot Boi, I like. Lol.

99 notes • Posted 2021-11-04 04:17:22 GMT

#3

Someone on Twitter saw this and now we're Twitter moots who have hilarious interactions like this one.

I miss Essek so much that my only desire in life is going to a con that the cast of CR is at, handing Matthew Mercer a Tupperware container of soup and saying, "this is for Essek."

108 notes • Posted 2021-08-06 20:02:14 GMT

#2

I Wish You Would

Title is a Taylor Swift song. Enjoy. This is part 1.

***

The night prior, Caleb slept in his bed. No, not in the way Jester would suggest in their casual conversations. Not in the way Essek had begun to fear thinking about, after realizing he was attracted to Caleb.

It took him a while, to figure that out. Or maybe it took him a while to become attracted to Caleb. Perhaps Essek grew closer to him in the cold, barren city of Aeor. Perhaps it happened in distance, when Essek was stuck at the outpost in Eisselcross, fearing for his life, far removed from his friends'.

You can find the rest of this cheesy mess here. I'm sorry.

140 notes • Posted 2021-08-28 03:14:23 GMT

#1

Does Essek know that they used the beacon for a drinking contest? Because I feel like he should be told. Like imagine his reaction.

"I'm sorry you used the beacon to do what?"

159 notes • Posted 2021-05-31 09:28:28 GMT

Really? REALLY? A random, silly thought I posted got that much attention? Sigh. The internet everyone.

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[realityshiftingandblogging]

Explaining My DR

⚠️ Before you read, please keep in mind my DR is based from a lot of mythology. Please do not feel offended (I mean you can feel offended but I mean please don't feel like I'm purposely trying to offend you) if your group is not mentioned (such as magic users) or if they are misinterpreted. It's a DR based from the past and from old mythology and lore. It isn't going to be the same as the present. We are also using old terms and meanings. It's also based from an anime too. ⚠️

⚠️I'll also be updating this from time to time if I find more information I want to place. So if you ever get bored, just head on back and see if anything is new! ⚠️

Click read more to see~

What is my reality based from?

Mine is heavily referenced from an anime called "The Ancient Magus Bride." The anime itself is beautiful, and based off of many legends and mythology and it somehow blends together beautifully.

My reality is going to be somewhere in the 1700's (but without slavery and a few wars) because I am sharing my DR with my online friends (and those I classify as my online "Family") and we decided we wanted to see how much history we could change.

So far, we have decided to save Marie Antoinette.

The reality itself has "fae" who don't like to be called "Fairies" and would rather be called "neighbors." They are friendly, in their own way, though some can be aggressive but we have decided that we are safe from those and won't fight them. But here's a catch - you can't see them unless you have "The Sight." Some people do have the sight such as mages (a rare form of magic user in our reality) or "Sleigh Beggy" otherwise known as "Slay Vega."

Slay Vega's have the ability to see and attract fae. As Wiki put it:

--------

Sleigh Beggies are a type of human who have a natural affinity towards the fae and other supernatural entities, drawing their kind towards them unintentionally. Because their bodies naturally absorb magic but they typically lack the means of controlling it, they die fairly young. This is why, despite the fact that there are more Sleigh Beggy than natural-born mages, their numbers are few and far between. Sleigh Beggy are highly prized by both other sorcerers and fae. The former because their organs naturally absorb magic and so they can be used as batteries for magic and the latter because they are naturally drawn to them as they view Sleigh Beggy as being closer to their kind. This often brings them misfortune as well, because the fae drawn to them will act against their wishes, more so for those who are not gifted with the Sight and cannot see the fae. The fae's goodwill does not always result in the happiness and, when left to their own interpretation, their love and loyalty manifests into both luck and ill fortune. Sleigh Beggy unconsciously absorb a lot of magical energy, but lack the means of expressing it unless they are trained in magic or other methods. As a Sleigh Beggy draws attention from Fae, they will have little difficulty becoming mages if they find a mentor to train them and be capable of powerful magic.

--------

I will be a Sleigh Vega/Beggy but I will also have immortality, so I won't be hurt by this magic absorption; because of this the fae will be attracted to me and I can help my s/o with his magic too.

Other than Sleigh Beggys, what are there?

Well there are many magic types. For my DR we have

Sleigh Beggy: The rarest of all the types, even to the point they are even unheard of. They have the abilities of both a mage and sorcerer. They passively absorb and exude magic energy. Almost unlimited. However, their bodies are still human and they will eventually have pain from the constant strain. Fae are attracted to this type but their friendship isn't always beneficial to Sleigh Beggies. A Sleigh Beggy without a mentor or teacher may feel cursed being around them as they can't understand the world around them or why the Fae behave as they do.

Mages: Are magic users who absorb magic and cast spells using it or they borrow magic from Fae. However, this is draining for the caster.

Sorcerers: They are different from other magic users. They turn their own energy into magic to perform sorcery. Unlike the Mages, they don't contort or use the Natural Laws by breaking them, instead they study these laws and manipulate said laws.

Witches: Are magical users similar to mages, but the difference is they dive into more forbidden arts and choose to gather in groups known as covens.

The History Of Magic:

In the new age of mankind, some humans could perform what we know as "miracles.' They could see beings known as fae. Or live fairly longer than others. As time went on, these people passed on techniques, knowledge, skills and shared with each other what is now known as "Magic." Those who could possess it were known as "Mages."

But as time went on, less and less humans were born with this ability and due to the "Great War" many magical users died. Ever since then, it was unusual, rare, and strange to find humans with this ability. Eventually, this was hidden from the world to ensure the safety of the magic users.

Overview Of Magic

Magic is a result of using the energy inside your body or using the energy of the world around you. This is a process that is referred to as "Magic" or a "Miracle." While magic users can use the worlds natural laws or the use of magical beings they can also use magic with chants or wands.

For some sorcerers, they have a magical core that can "act" as an internal organ which generates magical energy. It can pass on through generations genetically. Sometimes there are some born with non-magical parents.

Magic can be used in many ways. The results vary depending on the use such as shape, form, or requirements needed. It can be used for teleportation, purification, and giving life to inanimate objects. It can also be used for attacks like summoning spikes, thorns, using shadows or light, or breathing fire.

Magic can also be used by Artificers, like Angelica, who makes magic tools such as rings or wands.

What Are Fae?

Fae, or Neighbors, are a race of magical beings who can use, conjure, or absorb magic for themselves or other beings. They can be found everywhere around the world, but they are most commonly found in Tir Na nÓg which is ruled by Titiana and Oberon.

This silly couple:

There are many different types such as Ariels, Banshees, Church Grims, Brownies, Changelings, Elfs, Fire Sprites, Muryans, Selkies, and Vodyanoi!

Each fae is capable of something different and some are friendly, and some are aggressive. Similar to humans XD.

Random Things About My DR

➭ Even though it's set in the 1700s we have plumbing and pipes for baths, phones we can use to contact eachother and see media from Jean's reality (a very close friend of mine), and we plan to make some technology early. Because why not???

➭ We plan to mess up history a bit because we want to see how much we can change. And before you say "that's forcibly changing lives" technically no. It's not like the CR. Period. It's the 1700s where magic exists. We're not forcing a change in anyone's life. We're just going to mess with historical events that were bound to happen one way or another. #and they literally could've changed with or without us.

➭ There's a magic library where fae can exist alongside humans without any issue. No one can harm eachother within the library. It's also a rest good place to nap and it's really cozy.

➭ We live in a small cottage away from the village, it has a small pond and a garden. And just along the path in the back there's a forest. Keeping going down the path and you'll find a passage to Tir na nÓg.

➭ What's Tir na nÓg? It's an old legend of a place where you never age, that is, if you can get there. It's a place full of fae and where the king and queen of fae live. The plants never wither or die and it's always lively.

➭ My DR backstory is that I'm born as a king's daughter. I have a brother and a sister. That's all. Father and brother are Castelios which is a family that was given powers by the demons or fae from the Great War. They tend to scare everyone, due to their aura, except close family. Not even close friends are used to the aura. Though my sister and I didn't develop this, which is rare. I'll shift around the time I first meet my dad and brother after my mother left me and my sister with them. (No it won't be traumatizing, it's just my choice.) I'll grow up within the castle walls and learning magic from my brother and sword fighting from my sister. I'll eventually convince my dad to let me go outside the walls, to which he agrees, where I'll try to mess around with history a bit. On my 16th birthday I'll meet Elias Ainsworth in the greenhouse outside the walls when I snuck away at night. A huge chunk of years later I plan to already be a mage under his mentoring and be married by then, and the cottage is just our choice despite having an estate somewhere else. I only have until age 18 scripted so far but if you ask in like.... a week from now I might have something fjsbdjsnskssm

➭ There's a hunting event where any knight (male or female) can enter and so can royalty. A person from their familiy (or really anyone) can give them their handkerchief and whoever's handkerchief they had will recieve all that they hunted. It's a way to symbolize popularity, typically you'd want the biggest game or the most. For example if I have my s/o my handkerchief then whatever he hunted will go to me. Similarly if he gave me his then whatever I hunted will go to him. The more admired a person is, the more handkerchiefs a person has to give out and they have more game.

(If you're anti-hunting I am very sorry if this just offended you so please don't @me djeanjss please.)

➭ We have a room in the library that has many windows leading to different DRs. There's a wall full of keys that open the windows because the windows can't be broken or opened without a key, phew. When you look through each window it has a different scenery because each is a different DR. They are usually labeled and if you want to enter that reality you have to open the window and to right through. That's how Jean and I get to eachothers realities and also contact eachother. We decided to connect our DRs in a way.

My Desired Reality Members:

First, my DR husband!

Elias Ainsworth!

He is a mage who is both fae and human, though no one knows why he was this way and it was hinted that he was cursed. He also my mentor who will teach me magic.

Appearance

He's taller than most humans, reaching around 6'7". Because of the curse, he doesn't look human though will take a human form using magic. He likes to decorate his horns with gold string that holds a red cloth to cover his face.

A Mood board of him:

Personality

He's very kind and polite (to most) but he's... not antisocial but not social either. He has a hard time relating to people (big mood) but he's like that because he has no understanding of the emotions he feels nor does he remember anything of his life before. Because of this, he's extremely fascinated with emotions. He decided to adopt a "gentleman" mannerism to seem more friendly. He closely studies others but finds it a bit hard to follow their example. He doesn't tend to lie - but if he doesn't know you or knows you slightly then he leaves out any bit of information and tries to hide things. Once you get to know him, he's not so secretive and more child-like. But despite that, he's very willing to make up for, amend, and apologize for any childish behavior that was out of line.

Jeans comment on Elias: "Elias: nice, tall, protective and sweet from what I know, lowkey shy and is trying to understand humans and in the anime is learning emotions AND AJJSJDJSJD thats so SWEET, has lots of money-"

His Magic Abilities

He can manipulate the shadows and he leans toward destructive magic. He can hide in the shadows and create thorns. This gave him the name, given by the fae, "Child of Thorn" or simply "Thorn" as well as "Pilum Murialis." He can also shapeshift and remove memories.

Myself! Online, I go by a few names but in any DR it's Estelle.

Appearance

I'll have waist length black hair, styled in either a braid or simply let down. I have pale skin, blue eyes, and a small birthmark on my collarbones.

Mood board of myself:

Personality

I'll have the same as I do here but I felt really weird typing it out so I'm going to use how my friend described me!

Jeans opinion on Estelle: "Estelle - very soft and caring, maternal I’d say, great listener, really fun to talk to, shy and introverted but SJDJJDKFODOSOSOD when she comes out of her shell, has lots of nice memes, overall a good person to talk to about problems or just to have fun with and MEME, video game and reading nerd HAJDJDJSJKS, sympathetic and empathetic, smart, understanding"

Skills

Mental link: An ability shared with Ruth. We have a shared mind and memory.

Shapeshifting: I can shapeshift into a Pheonix which I'll mainly only use for fun.

Healing: I can heal, either by a chant or with the help of fae or tools

Light manipulation: I can manipulate light and use it against or for people

{Before I get onto the subject about my kids. Yes, I do know them in the CR. I have raised Adam and Asher despite us being close in age, I've always been the more "motherly" figure in my friends and relatives lives. (And I have recently became a mother figure for Nutmeg for about three years now.) I've organized the appointments, cook, cleaned, been there emotionally and so on. I am Asher and Adams aunt as well, so before you ask "Isn't that weird?" In my opinion, no. There are many people I've met who are the same and just straight up become the mother figure in someone's life. I am young, but I've been doing this job for years and a few comments aren't going to stop me from my job.}

Artificer: I have artificer abilities that I typically use to make a creature called a "Maker." They simply like making things. They're smart but really emotional and made from fabric similar to a doll. They like to swear masks and they basically look like a fabric version of a Korok.

Nutmeg

Nutmeg will be my daughter in the future. She is also a person from this reality who sees me as a mother figure and I see her as a daughter. So we agreed this is something we wanted to do. How it will work is she will try shift to the future of my DR after i've been married for a few years. (And before you say "That's not possible!" or "That won't work!" Let me make it clear I said "try." We are going to try this and we have a code to and we scripted that if this isn't possible, the other us wouldn't know the code.) Nutmeg is the youngest of all of my kids.

Appearance

Nutmeg has hazel eyes with a yellowish color and freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks. She likes styling her brown and reddish hair into pig tails and she's typically seen in yellow.

Mood board of her:

Personality

She is very kind and doting, especially towards her siblings. She's not big into typical school but wants to go to the magic college for magic users. She likes baking and flower picking! She's very sweet towards fae and tries her best 100% of the time. A hugger and also someone who would bONK you if you upset her brothers or really anyone she cared about.

Jean's comment on Nutmeg: "Nutmeg - I’ve not talked to her much BUT SHES THE CUTEST WITTLE ANGEL BEAN, she’s super nice, worries/panics a lot for people from what I know, extremely caring, big gay and we love it (i once said to Estelle nutmeg can be a cottagecore lesbian and I just JSKSKSJDJDJ), loving towards y’all and it just makes me JSKDKDKDMDMMFJF"

Her skills

She has more celestial and healing magic that she got from my side. She can manipulate light, heal others, and manipulate the stars or use them as guides.

"Hey sweetie can you please not move that..."

Asher, Adam, and Her who secretly plotted to move the stars to prank astrologists with Jean's kids:

Adam

Another person who's shifting with us. He's the oldest of the siblings and he's a person I've actually raised in the CR from an early age.

Mood board of him:

Appearance

He has red eyes, taking after Elias and black hair that takes after me. He's the tallest of all the kids and typically has the more "mature" fashion by wanting to wear suits or formal attire.

Personality

He's typically the type to be stern and distant but once you know him he's more open and kind. He doesn't like people who judge and he's usually the type to do stuff he most certainly shouldn't jump into it. Adam to Asher in our Discord server: "Hey so LETS INVENT BOMBS."

Jean's comment on Adam: "Adam - smart, literally what the fuck, he’s really nice and a big home dog,,, literally like a big brother like I feel like he’ll be there when you need him, SMART DID I MENTION SMART, has an exterior shell but thats why you have to take things with him at a pace, super fcking sweet like with his stupid ex but god dammit that was sweet"

Skills

He can destroy things like Elias, summon fire, and can summon thorns. He can teleport and he has his artificer abilities that were taught by Angelica and I.

Asher

Asher is the middle child and also someone I've raised. Asher and Adam are related to me and each other in the CR as well.

Appearance

Asher has white hair, pale skin, and blue eyes. He likes the color blue and green so he typically uses it in any piece of clothing he owns. He mentioned he will wear blue more often to compliment his eyes and make his darker horns more apparent.

Mood board of him:

Personality

He's really sweet, caring, and attentive. You tell him once you like one small thing and he will remember it for years. He's really hyper and full of energy unlike his other siblings who are much more calm than him.

Jean's comment on Asher: "Asher - chaos, chaos, chaos okay anyway tbh really funny, has funny ass memes and random ass thoughts that are funny, loves affection, caring as well since I see how you care for nutmeg especially, loving and sweet, smart and retains random info like JFJDKEKDKDK-, space boy and religion boy, meme, sarcastic, 10/10 humor, energetic and extremely fun, someone you’d want at a small party with friends to hype everything up, loves kids and animals"

Skills

Asher can manipulate fire and electricity. He has super speed and super hearing, along with enhanced strength.

Silver Lady!

Also known as Silky or Silver! She was a former Banshee before being transformed by Spriggan (Titiana's bodyguard sort of speak.) She's our housekeeper.

Appearance

Silver likes to wear a, pink, Victorian dress with a matching shawl and bonnet. Her hair is blonde and short and her eyes are a shiny pink.

Mood board of her:

Personality

She doesn't chat much and often has a stoic or deadpan facial expression. But despite that, once knowing her you learn and are exposed to her emotions. She tends to dote on guests that she likes but will simply ignore those she doesn't trust. If someone she doesn't like enters the house for business, she will hover over me or the other residents and simply ignore the guest. Silver also has a sense of humor and enjoys playing pranks every now and then. She likes sewing hearts into clothes where we won't notice. Silver tends to only stay within the house or near the house, due to her past home being ruined she fears that if she leaves she will be forgotten or left behind.

Her Skills:

Silky/Silver is able to do housekeeping magic. She can change details of the house, including wallpaper or the floorboards using a simple spell.

Ruth, A Church Grim

Ruth is my familiar who can shapeshift between being a Church Grim and Human.

Appearance

Ruth can shapeshift between his two forms. A Church Grim, which is a large black dog which reaches to my rib cage in height. In this form, he has red eyes. In a human form however, his eyes appear brown or somewhat red. With he has light brownish skin and black hair. He likes to sweat striped shirts :D

Mood board of Ruth:

Personality

Ruth is very doting and diligent. He uses our mental link which causes a shared memory, feeling, and lifespan, to tell others how I'm feeling if I can't put it into words. He's also protective and won't hesitate to b0nK someone across the head. He's more of a big brother to those he's close with.

Skills

Familiar skills: He shares a lifespan with me, can share dreams, and be summoned from long distances through a mind link.

Shadow: He can hide in my shadow if needed.

Angelica Barley

Angelica is a mage and artificer. She owns her own magic shop that is hidden behind her book shop.

Appearance

Angelica has sharp features, and typically braids her hair up to show them off. She's commonly seen wearing sleeves when working because of the crystals that were embedded in her arms from an accident.

Mood board of her:

Personality

She's kind but stern. Typically, to new mages she acts as a distant mentor. She takes pride in her work but she's also cautious due to her accident. She's possibly one of the only people that can tell Elias off, and she won't hesitate to do it.

Skills

Angelica has the sight similar to that the mages possess. Just like mages, she can borrow magic from fae and she's quite knowledgeable about it too. As an artificer, she embeds magic within tools or makes them with the purpose of magic. She had a Vodanoi named Hugo who is bound to her, he's a prankster but sweet nonetheless. Hugo and Angelica have longevity. This means that they both have increased life spans and she hasn't aged much at all.

Lindel

Lindel is a mage and the current care taker of the Dragons. He was both Elias and Adolf's first master.

Appearance

Lindel is a human and despite being a thousand years old, he looks to be in his 20s. He has pale skin and blonde hair that be ties or braids that frame his face and blue eyes. He typically wears a hood and robe with odd designs on the hood and back piece.

Mood board of Lindel

Personality

Before he became a Mage and Keeper Of Dragons, he hated fae. The fae caused him many problems which caused him to isolate himself. But now, he is calm and playful and he takes pride in his job as the dragon keeper. Despite his usual demeanor, when it comes to the dragons he isn't so kind to poachers.

There are many other people I'll be getting to later such as my dad, my brother, my sister, my friend and her kids and s/o, other important people, etc. But for now I'm tired ainjsndjwsn

[lawdtl]

Two Ghosts

AO3 Link

summary: 

5 years after pushing Chloe away, Beca tries to gain Chloe's trust back at a Bella's reunion.

------------

It’s been five years since they were all together in the same room, five years since all of them were complete and in short, five years since beca actually agreed to see them. Chloe didn’t really know anything about beca anymore, after Europe they tried to keep in touch with each other but somewhere along the way beca started to drift further and further away from her. She wasn’t sure what happened between them, she remembers the feeling she had when she realized that things with beca aren’t the same anymore and it hurt her a lot.

Chloe didn’t stop reaching out to beca but when the time came where beca’s voicemail or beca’s assistant was the only one answering her, she got the message; she wasn’t dense. That was 3 years ago when she decided to stop trying, she almost called her again a year after that when her engagement with chicago was called off, she needed beca with her, to hear her voice or maybe just have her beside her but she figured nothing would happen out of it, so she stopped herself, she didn’t need another rejection from beca.

Aubrey told her it was going to be a big bella reunion set up and funded by the bellas before them but when she walked inside the venue, she was still caught off guard by how huge of a party it was, she felt sort of nervous but at the same time excited. She needed this, her life was stuck on replay, work, eat, sleep then repeat. She wanted to have fun for a change and even though this night can go about in many ways, she's still happy she gets to see her old friends and have a good time with them.

She was ushered to the table that had her name on it, to the right of it was Aubrey's and to the left, was beca's. Her name card also had "co-captain" printed on it, so is the years that she was in barden. She looked down the long table and saw the names of the bellas she shared many years with.

"I had them put me in the same table as you"

She knew that voice from anywhere, she turned around to see aubrey, with a big smile on her face "well i would've dragged you back here either way"

The two friends hugged tightly and before she knew it, a couple of girls were running towards their way to join them. Unlike with beca, she remained close with the others, sure they didn't see each other quite often but there were always video calls and group chats that kept them updated with each other and she's thankful for that.

"Damn red, looking good tonight" amy tells her

"Yeah well, i don't go out too often nowadays so this was a perfect excuse to finally dress up"

"Oh i know that, having a kid is great and all but bella is really handful these days, i needed this" stacie interjects

They took their designated seats to wait for the program to start and when the lights dimmed, two bellas appeared on stage to say a couple of words, she turned to look at amy to ask her if beca was still going to attend like she said but before she could speak up the name beca mitchell was said aloud and there she was, on stage with a mic on her hand wearing a suit that was clearly tailored only for her.

"I didn't know she was one of the people who funded this" chloe hears aubrey whisper. Her mind was going all over the place, she knew beca would be there and she planned everything, just say hi and that's it but right now as beca gives the mic back to the older bellas and starts to walk towards their table she feels unable to speak or move, she looks down to her hands that had somehow gripped the tablecloth "chloe you okay?" She hears stacie asked who is in front of her, she's frozen in her place and jumps when she hears amy shout "stranger danger!"

Beca's hands were sweaty, even before she left the car, her nerves were in turmoil and her heart was beating too loud and too fast. A small voice in her head was shouting "5 years" to her, reminding her of how awful of a friend she has been to every single one of them.

She didn't want things to turn like this, never did she wish for her and chloe to go back to being strangers. She doesn't remember when exactly she started to avoid chloe, she has no clear idea why either. Maybe because chloe meant a great deal to her, something along the lines of more than just a friend, and being away from each other, beca knew they were bound to go their separate lives and that thought scared her. To her it was better to end it earlier than wait longer and have it hurt even more, maybe it's that, and if it is that, then she knows how selfish of a jerk she is because of it.

She arrives at the place early, as she enters she sees the people who have reached out to her, asking if she could attend and say a few words to start the evening, she approaches them walking ever so slowly and when they saw her, she was engulfed in a hug, the next thing she knew she was being brought backstage

She uses the free time to prepare her speech and while reading it aloud, she can't help but feel guilty, it kicks her inside and out. She never would've been in the bellas without chloe and yet, the person she pushed away the most was her. She imagines what chloe looks like now, she imagines the blue eyes that always kept her grounded.

She felt like shit and she felt like throwing up. However this night may end, she hopes that she can apologize to chloe. A couple of months ago while she was about to move into her new place she saw a dusty old box that had "bellas" written on it, allowing herself to be emotional for once - she opened the box and saw so much of her memories.

Pictures of her with the bellas, every performance they did, the scarf and letters that were left unopened. Most of them were from chloe, she picks one that was sent years ago, she couldn't stop herself from opening it and when she read the letter, tears began to leave her eyes.

"I'm not sure if you're even going to read this, but I just want you to know that I'm so proud of you beca. You're finally out there showing people your amazing talent and when I see you on the news I can't help but smile. I'm always going to be thankful that I met you and that I had you in my life……..."

That day, where she cried on the floor of her old apartment she decided to do some changes in her life, she decided to own up to her mistakes and finally talk to chloe, she has no idea how and when and as if the aca-gods were hearing her, on that same week the older bellas reached out to her about the reunion.

She decided to take a break from her work- to relax, she also needed time to think through some things and to be able to reflect on all the stuff that is happening around her. She's been planning everything she'll say to the bellas when she sees them again, throw a couple of sarcastic remarks here and there, then apologize for being a dick, yup it's a solid plan she thinks - very old beca.

But the thing is she knows she's changed a lot ever since they were all together, she wonders if chole has too, she wonders if they would still accept her apologies even if she pushed them away. She hopes they do but in case they don't, she promises herself to try again and again until she proves to them that she really is sorry - very new beca.

After a couple of minutes the venue started to fill with more people, she can hear it, she didn't want to see it though because she's scared to see some of the old people she spent her bella days with

Delivering the speech was easy, walking towards the table filled with people she betrayed was hard. Her eyes immediately went to chloe, who wasn't moving, she sees her stare at her though and it made her nervous because Chloe's eyes never looked at her that way before, eyes that looked at her with questioning and disappointment. In just a few more steps she'll be able to reach the table with chloe still looking straight at her. She is pretty sure chloe knows about her attending, she messaged amy last week and she's certain amy told everyone about it too so it makes her wonder why it still feels like chloe has no clue about her being there.

The shout amy did startled her back to life, it was a joke. A joke that made everyone look very uncomfortable. Before sitting down, she decided to go for it, all or nothing right? She takes a deep breath and prepares herself for whatever may happen

"Before anything else, I want to say something, to all of you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pushing all of you away, for avoiding the calls and texts. I'm sorry for not being a good friend. It could take forever for you guys to forgive me but i can wait because you guys mean a lot to me and when i realized that all over again, i know now that i can't go on with life without having you guys with me along the way...so uhm yeah, that's all"

There was just pure silence, the venue was loud but it's as if they have created a little bubble in their area and it cancelled all the other noise from outside. "Look beca we get it, it's hard to keep things balanced especially with your life now. But just so you know we were really hurt by you. I can't speak for everyone but i forgive you, because like my father always said  "forgive others, or else you wouldn't be able to sleep at night" beca feels a smile creep into her face, of all the people to talk first, aubrey posen does "thank you aubrey, thank you". Cynthia rose stands up and looks at her with stern eyes for a few seconds, then proceeds to hug her tight, beca sinks in into the hug, wrapping her arms around CR "we missed you beca" she feels tears building in her eyes as other bellas stood up to give her a hug as well and when she had a chance to hug them all back she take a moment to smile at them and say thank you once again

"go on then, sit down shawshank" she hears amy tell her, eyes pointing to the seat beside chloe who remained seated through it all, she sees amy give her a little nod heading towards chloe, giving her the saddest frown and apologetic smile

She goes to take her seat beside chloe, her heart beats fast and breathing suddenly feels like a difficult job to do. She turns to look at chloe who was avoiding her eyes while taking a sip of water "hi chlo" beca says in the softest way possible, "hi beca" chloe replies dryly with a forced smile as she turns to finally face her and in a few awkward seconds the whole table began to laugh, quietly giggling amongst themselves. Beca felt her face boil in embarrassment and judging by the color red on Chloe's face, she felt the same thing

Thankfully it wasn't as awkward as she thought it would be, the girls asks her how she's been so she tells them some of the good stuff she did the past years but mostly she's been very interested in hearing how everyone's been, to just keep up with their lives now, she listens to them as they tell her about their jobs and families. "You do know that you're going to have to do better than a speech for chloe right?" Aubrey tells her when chloe went to the toilet "i know and I'm going to do everything i can to get her to forgive me" beca replies to her, eyes filled with determination

"you better, you really hurt her you know"

"Yeah..i just... she's important to me bree, I'll do whatever it takes"

The food was served, and everyone kept quiet for a little while but once food was finished there were programs lined up, one of the performing groups were Emily's generation of bellas, she waved hi to beca before taking the stage, beca mouths the words "I'm sorry" to her and emily looks at her with sad eyes mouthing "i know"

Chloe has been through many things in her life, she had the nodes things, her engagement being called off, her problems with school and many other things, so she knows her heart is strong but right now, being seated next to beca felt like a weird movie scene that will make her cry anytime soon. She can feel beca looking at her often, thinking twice in starting a conversation with her and as much as chloe hates that beca pushed her away she can't help but feel bad because it's beca, and somehow no matter how long they haven't seen each other, beca still has a hold on her like no one else.

All of a sudden she feels a hand on her shoulder, a feeling that has been lost for so long, suddenly creeping its way back "chloe, I'm.. I'm sorry" she turns to look at beca

"it's all good, i get it and it's nothing"

"It's not nothing chloe, not to me"

"It sure seemed like nothing for the past five year’s beca, now if you excuse me i will try to enjoy this night"

She was walking towards the bar when she sees beca follow her, in all honesty, she wants to talk to beca, she just doesn't know what to say, she's also scared that when they finally talk, her emotions will burst out to flames and it will just turn things into a mess

"Chloe, I don't exactly know what to tell you but I know that I've disappointed you, that I've hurt you. I will understand if you never want to see me again but please hear me out"

"Dance with me"

"What?"

"Now, let's dance"

"Like right now?" Beca hears slow music playing and it seems slow dance is what Chloe's asking her to join with

"Yes, you wanna talk? Fine dance with me"

"Okay"

Chloe goes to the dance floor and waits for beca, she has no idea what came out of her mouth when she suggested dancing but there's nowhere else to go now except here. She feels beca's hand hold her as they sway slowly with the music, she sees the bellas look at them with curiosity but leaves them be

"Chloe"

"I hate you"

"That's a strong word"

"It is, i hated the way you made me feel beca, you acted as if i never mattered to you and it was torture. You made me doubt all our years together"

"I'm sorry chloe"

"Is that all you have to say?, You wanted to talk, then talk"

"I got scared, that us, that you and I will eventually grow apart, so I did what I thought was best, thinking that it would've hurt less if I just pushed you away"

"Do you know how selfish that is? Just because of that? You threw me away"

"I know chlo, and there are no words, no sentences strong enough to tell you how sorry i am but believe me when i say that i regret it all, that i missed you, that every day for the past five years i wished i tried harder"

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because i was a coward"

“you meant so much to me, and as those years passed, as those rejected calls, as those messages, those moments that i needed you, as they all pass by…i felt so small as you drifted away"

"There's no excuse for what I did chloe, I hate myself for it too. You were my best friend and you...you didn't deserve any of that"

Chloe started crying, tears were beginning to fall down from her face, feeling heavy after the both of them throw words at each other, she backed away to look at beca's eyes and when she sees it also filled with tears, she did something unexpected. She ran to the door, wiping the tears from her face and stopping at the parking lot, she sees beca running towards her and she knew if she gets in a taxi now she can avoid beca but instead she's standing still, as if waiting for beca to actually catch up to her

"Chloe please don't go" beca says, breathing out the words and panting from the run she did

"Beca what is it? Why do you want to fix this?"

"You know why chlo, you have every idea why"

"I.. I'm"

"Engaged? I know, but i want you to know how i really feel about you, at least before you go"

"I wasn't...going to say. I'm not engaged beca, but you couldn't have known that since, you didn't answer to anything"

"What about chicago?"

"What about him? You know what, I'm leaving"

"Chloe i love you"

"No beca, you don't get to say that"

"I can, because it's true Chlo. I love you"

Chloe can't really move anymore, she doesn't know exactly how to react with beca telling her she loves her, she's waited for it for so long, too long. It became clear to her that she needs to move on from beca when chicago broke off their wedding, it became clear to her that her feelings for beca was keeping her from falling for anyone else completely. So hearing beca tell her this now, it cuts her deep, she always thought that her and beca we're inevitable, but reality denied them of this inevitability because beca had jesse then she had chicago then beca pushed her away, and now? She asks herself what will she do now, will she push beca away or will she stay

"Chloe? Say something please"

"Beca, you don't even know me anymore, you only love the memory of me"

"Chloe, i can love you all over again, i know we're not who we used to be but we're here now. Don’t you feel the same way?"

"Beca, i have loved you for years but right now i have no idea who you are, how your life is and"

"Chloe I'm still me, sure i changed, and hey i got a couple more tattoos and i wear contact lenses now but underneath all that crap is me"

"Don't you think we're making a mistake?"

"If it's the both of us, then how can it be a mistake?"

"I'm scared"

"I am too"

"My heart's been through enough, I'm not sure if it still even knows how to love"

"Mine does, whenever it remembers you"

There was silence, noise only from the beatings of their hearts that were too loud, too powerful. It's as if the hourglass that has been going on for years has finally been turned around in favor to them.

"Come with me" she hears beca calling out to her, her hand stretched out for her to take

Chloe takes her hand with no hesitation. She leads them to a car which she assumes is beca's "Becs what are we doing?" the nickname slips out of her unexpectedly

"Come on, i know a diner somewhere near here"

"We're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'll text amy and besides, i know you're hungry"

She really is, all this back and forth was exhausting and the whole night was draining her, not focusing on the fact that beca knew that, she nods and goes in the car. She watches beca start the engine and back away from the lot "i wear glasses now"

"What?" Beca asks her, Wondering what she meant

"You said you wear contacts now, i wear glasses..well i mean not now of course but yeah.."

"I'm sure you look ridiculous in them" beca says, laughing at her and chloe can't help but smile as well, it was stupid but if they were gonna do the whole getting to know each other again then she'll try "shut up, at least i call my friends" her eyes widens, not really meaning to say that "okay i deserved that" beca replies while smiling and looking down the road.

They arrive at the diner faster than what she was expecting, it was already 11 pm and the diner had no customers other than some truck drivers and a couple of kids who recognized beca right away, asking for a picture with her, they take a seat at the back corner and ordered some burgers and fries

"Sorry about that"

"its fine, I mean it's something to get used to but I'm happy for you, with your fame and fans and all that"

"At least someone's happy about that"

"You're not?"

"It was never my goal chlo, all i wanted was to make music but when people keep telling me how releasing three albums in 5 years will be one of my biggest achievements and don't get me wrong I'm proud of the albums, it's just that sometimes i feel like I'm not actually doing what i dreamt of"

"Producing music"

"Yeah…"

"This pop star thing isn't really suiting me well"

"I mean you can't basically just quit"

"I'm taking a little break from it all now"

"Oh, well that.. that's good"

"What about you, how's everything been going?"

"Well..you already know about the engagement so there's that and besides that was years ago but anything else has been really boring"

"It's not, I'd love to catch up on everything"

"Fine but remember you asked for it so don't go snoring" chloe tells beca, it's a lighter exchange of words and it's also a breather to have someone else listen to her again other than aubrey. The food arrives and they eat as she continues to tell stories about her work and how her parents keep asking her to visit them every single week, she tells how one of her co-workers keep hitting on her and when she gave him a chance the dude literally was a creep so she left him at the restaurant after saying she was only going to the bathroom, she tells her about the fling she had with a woman named sally who was a music teacher at a school near her workplace, not mentioning how sally looked a whole lot like beca, she mentions Chicago's name and focuses on the cringe on beca's face when she hears his name, she never really did like the guy.

Chloe hadn't felt like this for a long time, excited and yet a little nervous, hesitant and yet full of hope. It was like high school crushes and slushies on a summer day by the lake but this was getting to know someone all over again, someone she admired before. It all feels very nostalgic especially when they reminisce about their days in the bellas, it was a night of endless coffee and endless conversations about everything they've been through the last five years

It was 30 minutes to 4 am when they decided to order some snacks since the conversation wasn't clearly coming to an end anytime soon. It was amazing, chloe thinks. Five years all laid out messily in just a matter of hours, it was surreal to her how they were tossing stories to each other with ease, the good and the bad and it wasn't going to erase what happened between them but right now as she laughs at a story beca was telling her about a paparazzi tripping while following her she wonders how is it possible that even after everything she still has this connection with beca

"Hey chlo, you okay?" Beca asks her, waving her hand in front of Chloe's face

"Yeah, I am. I was just thinking how weird this is"

"Oh..uhm, i mean i can take you to your place now if you feel uncomfortable, i didn't mean to like, keep you here this long, I'm sorry"

"No dummy, i was thinking about how just a few hours ago i was so mad at you and now we're here, as if nothing's wrong"

"Is there..something wrong?"

"There is"

"Oh" there's the beca she knew, the shy and timid beca that somehow carried the bellas to all its greatness, she's not going to complain about this "new" beca though, the confidence looks good on her

"The wrong thing is that, this isn't weird"

"What do you mean?"

"Well i was thinking about how a few hours ago i was ready to ignore you the whole evening and yet here i am, talking at a diner with you as if you never left"

Chloe didn't mean to hurt beca with those words, she thinks that maybe it was a way to let beca know that she still needs a little more time to get used to this again, she was about to say something but beca, who was now looking at the table, inhales as if her life depended on it, looks at chloe straight in the eyes

"Isn't that crazy though? we spend five years apart and yet in just one night we find a way to fix.."

"Well it's not fully fixed yet" chloe cuts beca off

"Progress is progress, and I'll understand if you decide to go, I know I'm pushing my luck on this but being with you here now it..it makes me really happy chlo, so thank you..for giving me this chance to explain everything and just..thank you for everything chloe.."

"You're an idiot, you know that. I just...i don't understand why you had to push me away, I would've never given up on our friendship, I would've done everything to actually prevent us from drifting apart, how come you didn't beca?"

"Well it's no excuse but..i was stupid, and scared and i mean, you had chicago and your whole life ahead of you, i would've just held you back, your life was set and perfect"

"Nothing's perfect beca, what hurt me was, you didn't even try, you keep telling me that i mean a lot to you, that wasn't how i felt when i keep getting my calls rejected and messages ignored"

"I'm sorry. I can't change what i did in the past but i can promise that if you let me, i will do my best to never disappoint you again"

"All those years, back in barden...do you even have any idea how much I loved you?"

"I..i don't know. I wanna say i knew but i always told myself that it was all in my head, that you would never like me"

"See it's funny because that's what I used to tell myself too"

"Victims of circumstances...”

"Hmm, we really are quite a pair huh?" chloe replies, she's feeling so much lighter now than she did when they were entering the diner. This wasn’t what she thought would happen when she decided to step inside beca's car, the next moments that followed were all just unplanned and spontaneous, it was all a blur to her ever since beca told her that she loves her "i missed you becs" she tells her wholeheartedly

"I missed you too chlo, a lot... I'm sorry i didn't do anything sooner"

"Well for future purposes just tell me how you feel so i can tell you that you're being crazy"

"So there's a future?"

"Maybe…"

"That's all i need, a maybe..i mean I've waited this long"

She looks at beca who's wearing a sincere smile on her face, it was a smile she really missed, she missed everything with beca and she feels a little sadness in admitting that. She has no idea what will happen to them now, she only hopes that maybe all this will make their friendship a little more solid in the future, she knows she has feelings for beca but now isn't really the right time to act on it, she needs time to be sure and not just let her heart act on impulse.

She asks beca if she had any clothes in her car because as much as she wants this moment with beca to last longer, she can't take her dress anymore, it was four am in a diner and they've been sitting there for hours

"Yeah i have a duffle bag in the back of the car with my clothes, do you want me to get it?"

"No it's okay, I'll check it out" beca nods to her as she gives her the keys to the car

She looks through the bag, wondering why beca has a duffle bag filled with clothes in the first place. As she searches for something to wear she sees a familiar shirt, a white shirt that she had back in barden, it looks overused now though, she takes it out and finds a letter, addressed from her to beca. It was the letter she sent when she saw beca in the news, she felt so proud that day, seeing her friend get the recognition she deserves, she wonders why beca still has it and why she keeps it around. She keeps the thought for another time, she grabs a hoodie and sweatpants heading towards the toilet in the diner to change.

When she got back to their table beca was looking at a big map on the table, with multiple crosses on it "hey, what's that?" chloe asks

"Oh it's uhm…I'm on this road trip, since i left work i kinda wanted a little adventure, a change i guess"

"That's nice, I've always wanted to go on a road trip"

"Maybe you should join me" beca says as she laughs at the thought

"Maybe i should"

"Wait what?.."

"Yeah, i don't know..it seems exciting..i mean only if you're okay with it.."

"No I mean, I would love to have you with me chlo, but are you sure?"

"Yes. For a long time now my life's been quite stuck, i need a little breather, to have a time for myself"

"Except you'll be with me, your former best friend, who you formerly like and who has now admitted to her feelings for you"

"See? Who else better to be with?"

"Okay, I did not expect..Wait what about your job, your apartment back in?"

"I can handle all that" chloe cuts her

"Chloe.. please think about it, I don't want you regretting this decision"

"I'm a big girl beca, I'm old enough to know what I'm doing, and if it's a mistake then at least"

"At least what?"

"Whatever happens, I'll be able to get myself back up, i know that"

"Well…okay then, tell me where you wanna go?"

They spend a couple more hours inside the diner, just discussing about this whole impromptu of a situation, when beca sees a hint of sunlight on Chloe's face from the sun that's starting to come out, she sees the blue eyes that keeps her going every time she's feeling down, she sees chloe look up to her, with furrowed brows

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing weirdo"

"You're the weirdo"

Chloe's happy, like genuinely happy. It's beyond her wildest imagination on how one night can change so much but also bring them back to what once was. She relishes how they opened up to each other, how they were honest, how they remembered all the memories they had and it all felt so normal, like no time and pain had come in between them. It will be a journey for her before she can forgive beca with everything but there's no more waiting, no more wondering, no more what ifs. There's no need to forget what happened because it still brought them back here together and she'd be lying if that wasn't what she always hoped for to happen.

"Hey becs, i think we should go... it's sunrise and I'm a little tired"

"Yeah same, i asked the girls last night if we could all have lunch together, they all agreed, are you going?"

"I would love to"

"Let's go?"

They pay their bill and head out to the parking lot, the sky was beautiful, darkness from the night being filled with orange streaks "so where do you want me to drop you off?" Beca asks her

"I'm staying at the hamilton hotel"

"Okay then, let's go get you some rest"

Chloe looks at the rear view mirror as they drive away from the diner and sees the letter and shirt she brought out while looking for clothes and felt the need to ask beca about it

"Becs, just wondering.. Why do you have my white barden shirt and letter tucked in your duffle?"

"Oh uhm..well, they're important to me. Can't leave them behind. You know what? i got something in the glove compartment, take a look"

Chloe opens it and sees three notebooks placed neatly "what are these?"

"Open the red one" beca tells her as she continues to drive

Chloe opens the notebook, it was like a diary, except every page started with "dear chloe,"

"Yeah... I know I didn't reply to those letters you sent but every time i felt like sending you one, i wrote them in a notebook. Those are all of them, words left unsaid i guess..you can have them if you..if you want"

Chloe thinks she's too sleep deprived for this. She can't wait to read all of them though, to read what beca was thinking about then, they are the filler episodes in their series

"Nah, keep them here... something to read on that road trip"

Beca smiles at the thought, they stay quiet for the remaining drive, she glances at chloe from time to time and sees her looking at the window, definitely feeling sleepy, beca on the other hand feels giddy, feels very optimistic. Everything was better than what she hoped for and she's grateful for it. She thinks she doesn't really deserve their forgiveness, especially chloe's but they're giving her another chance, Chloe's giving her another chance. Positivity fills her up and life has never felt so much fuller than now. She parks at the front of the hotel to drop chloe off but before chloe opens the door she feels Chloe's hands intertwining with hers

"Beca….i just want you to know.. i want you to know that my feelings for you never left, but i also don't want to promise you anything yet because that wouldn't be fair to either of us"

"I know chlo" beca replies to her, looking at her with those dark blue eyes and soft smile

"Thank you, for tonight. It means a lot"

"No chloe, Thank you….so can I pick you up later for lunch? If you want we can go straight ahead on the trip after it"

"Yeah, definitely"

"Okay then, go get some rest beale"

"You too Mitchell, you'll need it, we're headed for a lot of roads"

"Can't wait"

She exits the car after kissing beca on the cheeks, feeling her face go red as the butterflies in her stomach go alive after a very long time. She waves goodbye to beca before she enters the hotel, heading back to her room to have the best sleep in her life because of all the worries that left her mind, it all seems very euphoric and scary at the same time and she loves it.

Beca watches chloe until she's out of her sight, the kiss on her cheek still lingering, she feels herself smile widely as she imagines how she's on top of the world right now. It's like they were teenagers who were starting to fall in love, and no one else ever made her feel like this, it was only chloe. It was and will always be chloe.

[ajokeformur-ray]

May I get a matchup, please (if it's not too late to ask)? With J, please? I'm Kathleen (or just Kath), 5'3, I have naturally red hair with a blue streak on one side, am super pale and freckly, dress very punk and tomboyish but am actually super shy. Unless someone is being mean, in which I'm ready to go off on them haha. I like to joke around a lot and am rarely serious. I love rock music, gothic/punk fashion, gaming, and reading. And I'm ready to square up against anyone who gives J a problem.

Word count: 746.

J is a clean six foot so there’s a seven inch height difference between you and omgggg this man does not go easy on the height jokes. Cupcake, short stack, shortcake... he means it in a teasing manner. He’s more than aware of personal boundaries and of things which could upset you, though, so while he toes the line he doesn’t ever try to push past it or push it further than where it already is. Your brightly coloured hair caught his attention - in a society which tries to breed nameless, faceless cogs in an ill oiled machine, your obvious display of self expression catches J’s attention and it doesn’t take very long before he’s plopping himself through your window late one night, blood dripping from one arm... he claims it was an accident, but this man never does anything without several meanings behind it. No, J knew exactly what he was doing that night, though he never could have predicted that you would come to mean as much to him as you did. 

The way you dress is totally at odds with your temperament and J finds it amusing how you look like a total badass who is confident in who they are and what they’re about... but he can make you blush with just a single quirk of his eyebrow and a look which goes on for a few seconds longer than it should. “Ya’ a scaredy cat, aren’t’cha?” // “Piss me off, J, and these claws will come out”. He cackles every time you say that, but he knows you’re being truthful. One day, you’re at a meeting and one of the mob members calls him a freak and you go off on them. Your chair scraps against the floor, a violent, nasty dragging of plastic on linoleum before the chair tips and meets the floor with a loud bang which reverberates around the room and grabs everyone’s attention. J watches, transfixed, as enraged do you lean across the metal table and grab the idiot by his collar. “If I ever hear you call him that again, I will make him look like a teddy bear by comparison. Am. I. Clear?” // “Cr-crystal”. J later says that your display was impressive and though he doesn’t show it, he’s touched by your devotion to him. You look at him and you don’t see a monster, you see him, and he’ll never quite be able to show you just how valuable that is. He’ll thank you in his own way, though, so I hope you know his love language as well as he knows yours.

J enjoys your jokes. Even if he doesn’t react to them beyond a small, barely there quirk of his lips, or a dramatic eye roll at those terrible one liners, he still finds them amusing. The darker your sense of humour, the better. When you are serious, J doesn’t... it’s not that he doesn’t like it, but it does make alarm bells ring distantly in his head. “Why so serious, Kath, hm?” Whatever it is, he’ll help you. It’s definitely in his power to, there’s nothing he won’t do for you - J protects what’s his - and he’ll try to cheer you up with some really morbid jokes or he’ll take you with him to blow up a factory or something, the fireworks he planted inside only in your favourite colours. He lights up your dark sky in more ways than one.

You love rock music and gothic/punk fashion and honestly, J really vibes with it. He can often be caught humming guitar riffs and stuff from the music you listen to, and when he’s missing you (not that he’d ever admit to such a thing), he definitely plays your favourite songs just to feel closer to you. You’re also a gamer and a reader, which suggests that you’re really quite creative and imaginative. J loves watching you get lost in your element; the furrowed brow in concentration, the way you bite your lip... yes, he rather likes watching you when you’re not aware of it. He teases you for that growing blush, though - you’re not quite as unaware as you’re pretending to be, and he loves the contradictions and parts of you which you don’t show to anyone else. It tells him that you love him, that you trust him, and that... that means more to him than anything else you could ever say or do. 

[dragontamer22]

I got hit with a triple heartache in the same day (two independent events from each other) and at this point I think the worst part is that I have no one in my house I can actually talk to about them (and not through lack of wanting to), I have literally no privacy to cry or even talk to myself in peace or call up my best friend and just hear his/her voice tell me everything is gonna be OK because at least two members of my house (including the one sharing the living room with me temporarily while we finagle living arrangements) will snitch to the people who decided to break my fucking heart on top of a whole other heart ache that was unrelated to them but I can't even be mad because he's a HS teenager who barely knows me and his sense of social norms might just be worse than mine which is really saying something like with all due respect, and ONE of the people who decided that he couldn't be fucking bothered to try effectively communicating with me clearly and directly (despite this being a thoroughly stated communication need of mine that I tell people all the time, like I'm not a mind reader you HAVE to be direct with me and not speak ambiguously, I'm autistic please I can't social good) and instead just drop a bombshell out of nowhere-- I can't even ask him to be not allowed in our fucking apartment anymore no matter how fucking triggering his mere presence is right now because he's in a QPR with one of my roommates and helping them move out (unrelated to everything else), and I can't just like go to the balcony of the complex or something and have a private phone call with my out-of-state best friend(s) noooo because I have to use wifi to call people and there's no wifi anyplace outside the unit that I can connect to so I'm just fucking trapped in a Wall-less Room surrounded on all sides

I can't even use the TV anymore because the teenager we took in uses it and I don't have the heart to tell this poor kid who got kicked out for being trans and is trying to cope with all that crap, that I want to use the TV too before he passes out for the night, even though like I should because I work night shift and should be allowed to play on the TV for a bit before the house settles down for the night but also he sleeps on the couch rn so I'd be hogging his bed aaaaaaaaaaa

And I just

I'm in the fucking hallway outside my unit so I can have some fucking semblance of privacy while still having wifi and I just wanna die metaphorically

I almost never have issues with privacy but wow everything at once and also I'm the fucking bread winner of the house which is super stressful and if something happens to my ability to work we all suffer, no one else in the apartment is capable of keeping us paying rent if one of us can't contribute that month and my mom is gonna move in with me at the end of my lease and both my Plan A and Plan B for finally getting her the care she fucking deserves have just flown right out the fucking window and I don't know what I'm going to do anymore but I can't let my mom live in that toxic and neglectful home life anymore and her coming to live with me is not something I'm willing to compromise but shit fuck I don't know what to do I know it's like six months away but fuck man. I can't talk to anyone in my immediate life about any of this because of reasons, and I can only message the two people I can talk to when what I really need is to hear their voices and cry in private and peace without anyone else around. And also low key the teenager stresses me out also because I know one of his alters doesn't like me, but the host does, and you know what yeah I find sharing my non private living space with someone who is crowding out my only semblance of privacy who part of the time is a whole different person who doesn't even like me because that alter is just a grumpy asshole (according to both the host and my own observations) and one of them is a fucking snitch who shares completely out of context things about crap that is none of his business to people who are apparently hellbent on bad faith, luke warm, takes and refuse to actually communicate in a healthy or effective way. I think I'm fucking justified to be stressed out by his presence.

And I've barely eaten the last couple nights because my super spiked anxiety has made me nauseous and unable to eat enough or get enough sleep and man I just wanted to have a nice relaxing weekend playing my new Pokemon game and getting bodied by wild Pokemon, now I barely even have the spoons or headspace to play anything and I can't play for long stretches of time when I do and just absorb myself into my game. And my entire routine for entertaining myself at night while the house is asleep is in absolute pandemonium and it's so stressful. And I really only have my bed and laptop spot at our constantly cluttered table to really exist at right now, and that spot is right next to the teenager's spot at the table too and it's too damn midwest cold outside to go for a five mile night walk or sit on my favorite bridge over looking the river reflecting the beautiful lights of the city and just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I don't think I've felt this alone in years and I don't even get the decency of actually BEING alone. I may be a raging extrovert but fuck even I need some fucking space and privacy too

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[rockshitty]

I posted 9,637 times in 2021

166 posts created (2%)

9471 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 57.1 posts.

I added 83 tags in 2021

#boat boys - 13 posts

#after the storm - 11 posts

#critical role - 11 posts

#ats fic - 10 posts

#dnd - 10 posts

#cr - 8 posts

#cr fic - 6 posts

#essek thelyss - 5 posts

#caleb widogast - 5 posts

#critical role fic - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 115 characters

#so it's not too far to extrapolate that at one point in our evolutionary history we were tuned to 25 hour long days

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Every day I learn something new about the world and almost every time it's something I would have been just as happy never knowing.

34 notes • Posted 2021-05-14 04:03:17 GMT

#4

I saw a post talking about how the feelings of disconnect from a body in relation to autism are criminally under-represented. And it made me realize my own relation to my body.

I am only the things that are moving. I am only the things that hurt. I am my tapping feet and that ache in my knees. I am my teeth when I eat ice cream and my fingers when I'm typing, just the tips, just the frantic familiar motion.

When I drive, and I drive, and I drive so much I am the road and the engine and the burr of grooved pavement against old tires. I become every bump and curve and they wonder at how I stare through my windshield for that long, day after day, without going mad.

I am music, always. Always an ear or two listening. When my headphones break I am broken too. Loud music when I feel loud, just a whisper when I don't.

Sometimes I dance, alone where no one can tell me otherwise, and then I am feet and legs and hips and waist and arms and hands and a laughing singing mouth at the beauty of everything all at once.

When I sleep I am someone else, curled up in my head in a tight little seed. I become tomorrows story until today fades. Some nights the story is too much and dawn hits a hunched, aching back and frantic fingers and eyes that will sleep when it's on paper. Those are the best sleeps, after a victory over my own imagination and a few pages full.

40 notes • Posted 2021-07-08 06:56:40 GMT

#3

Story time.

About a week after I turned 21 I went to my first larping event where drinking was allowed. We had been having mostly dry events for a while because there was some business with some under-21s getting their hands on some vodka. I wasn't involved. What I was involved with was a 100 person medieval event where adults were allowed to drink for the first time in four years, as an adult who didn't know my limits yet.

The event just so happened to be called the Wild Hunt.

I got drunk. I haven't been that drunk before or since, not by a wide margin. I don't particularly know what I drank or how much because people kept filling my cup from bottles and I just rolled with it. I was 21. I was with friends. I was invincible.

I blacked out playing cards against humanity, winning by a narrow margin, and my next memory is of running through the woods, tearing ass through the brambles with the graceless dexterity of someone who hasn't been sober in ten hours. There were people following me, also running, possibly also drunk, definitely chasing me so I didn't disappear into the woods and end up as the next headline on CNN. Drunk Larper Found Dead in Ravine.

That night, dressed in my finest garb, too drunk to know any directions but forward, pursued through the woods by strangers in a life or death race to nowhere, I feel confident is the closest any currently living human has come to experiencing The Wild Hunt.

365 notes • Posted 2021-10-08 04:12:31 GMT

#2

One of the best things about the Avatar universe is that one of our first introductions to the rules governing the world is "It's not magic, it's water bending," and then throughout the series it's revealed that actual ass magic also exists alongside the totally not magic bending.

14875 notes • Posted 2021-07-07 19:14:13 GMT

#1

My favorite part of my dnd group right now is that their collective anxiety creates a better story than I do when planning the session. 

37737 notes • Posted 2021-01-10 02:41:48 GMT

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