#i'm going to bash my skull against the wall

[apricusapollo]

and what if i say the great war is codywan coded??

and what if I say that you need to stop because I cannot keep on living like this.

[rasairui]

Idk I just have no patience for trans men/masculine people who refuse to acknowledge transmisogyny. Like. The worst experience I ever had with transphobia was when I was mistaken for a trans women. In a culinary program, I was cutting bell peppers, and one of the other students, a really big dude in a student leadership position, walks in and accusatory goes "so are you trying to be a woman, or something?" And I'm like. Well I'm trying to small dice these peppers. And I tell him I'm not a she and he says something to the effect of "Yeah I know that much." He makes some comment abt how whatever I'm doing doesn't make sense and he doesn't get it and when I tell him he doesn't have to, that he just has to respect it, he says "I don't have to do shit!" And gets real mad! Like actual threats mad! Tells me he could bash my skull in and to meet him outside for a fight and yeah it was fucking scary! The entire interaction I'm reminding myself that I'm the one currently holding a knife, if he tries anything.

Fast forward a few days later and my period is kicking my ass. Just absolutely destroying me. I'm in the dish pit, and I am visibly struggling, I'm nauseous, I'm in pain and bracing myself against walls. I'm not walking straight. And the same student leadership guy who was so aggressive with me when he thought I was transfem?

He tells me I look like I'm going to pass out. He says it's obvious I'm in pain, I shouldn't be in class, I can go sit down and if nobody can replace me he'll do the dishes himself.

Like. Do you get it yet. It's not just that he felt comfortable openly threatening me in a room full of other people when he thought I was a trans woman. It's that he did a complete 180 and was not only willing to support me, but actually pick up my slack once he knew I wasn't "that kind" of transgender. As soon as one of our classmates confirmed to him that I wasn't the wrong type of trans person I suddenly became someone who actually deserved care and compassion in his eyes. The "bigots think we're all the same and hate all of is equally" rhetoric isn't fucking true. It's just peddled to deny the privilege we have over other members of our community so it's easier to ignore how inhospitable supposedly trans-centric spaces are for TMA people.

[kurokoros]

I put tax documents on the table on Friday when I got home and my dad cleaned off the table today and now I can’t find the documents 🙃

[riririnnnn]

More random things in Blue Lock I find endearing:

-> Brothers

LOOK AT THE HAND PLACEMENT OF SAE. JUST LOOK AT IT. LOOK. AT. IT. OHMYGOD I'M GONNA CRY.

Oh god.

It's tough to explain, but to see him supporting Rin's arm instead of the trophy makes me want to punch a wall. It feels like, "Yes, we won this together, Rin." OHMYGOD! AAAAAAAA!!!

-> Hushed wisher

I really don't think we have ever seen Noa coaching any player other than Isagi, so him silently rooting for Kaiser caught me off guard real hard. Of course, it doesn't seem like much of a big deal, but to see that Noa hadn't completely taken his eyes off of Kaiser and that he hadn't completely pulled away his trust from Kaiser hits a certain type of emotion in my heart.

Considering that Kaiser wants to win over Noa too—a fact Noa, probably, knows—makes everything feel a bit.. bittersweet.

-> CHEERS!!

The above panel happened after Shidou scored a goal against Barcha and honestly—

CUTE!!!

I mean, BM was next in line to face PxG—it's probably the reason why they were watching the match live—and they were going to face Shidou which makes them rivals, and yet, when he does something cool, they all go, "WOOHOO! THAT'S COOL!!" instead of worrying or being jealous.

It's called sportsmanship, I guess?

It's sweet.

-> BM's Dad

There's another translation, but I find the above one way better because it's so... soft.

I mean, Noa has always been shown as this cold, emotionless person who inhales and exhales logic, so it was sweet when he tried to reassure Kiyora—when he showed some kind of compassion. It was like, "Hey, Kiddo! It's okay, don't worry, you'll play the next time! Cheer up!"

It also makes it sound like even if Kiyora were not to have the required stats for the next match, then Noa was prepared to against his own ideals and let Kiyora play regardless.

Sweet!

-> Protective

When Nagi got pissed off because Barou's violent behaviour nearly hurt Reo. Like, just look at that stance, he was ready to beat the crap out of Barou if Reo wouldn't have stopped him.

No matter what label you give Nagi and Reo—lovers or friends—you can't deny that they are probably the best thing that happened to eachother.

I really want what they have.

-> "It's their love language"

They barely knew eachother and yet when these two started to brawl, they all intervened immediately—Nanase and Isagi are literally hanging onto them with their dear life. It's tough to explain, but I found the gesture really sweet, like, they didn't know them! They could bash open their skulls—it wouldn't affect them at all and yet, they are trying to stop them!

Adorbs!!

Also, Chigiri was on the other side of the field, I guess. He came running!!! So sweet!

-> First friend

The way Bachira blindly believed in Isagi. Like, he had full trust that Isagi will come and play with him. He never doubted him at all! The healthiest duo of Blue Lock!

Also, look at his duck lips. Cutie.

-> "Welcome to the academy!"

Anybody who has shifted to a completely new place full of completely new people knows how good and relieving it feels when others make an effort to help you feel welcomed.

No idea if those three extra characters got selected in the tryouts or not, but they were nice. If Kaiser would've met them earlier, then they all would've surely been good buddies.

-> Beloved Ace

The way everyone instantly got mad at Shidou when he hurt Sendou—sweet! Also, the fact that they all refused to play if Sendou didn't play makes me giggle.

I adore bonds like these so much.

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.

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Pt: 1, 2, 3.

Probably the last of this series.

[livesworthlivingau]

Behind the Vale Chapter 23

Spoilers for ISAT/Two Hats below! CW: Panic attacks, some mental spiraling.

"Do you have to wear that outfit still?" [Nille asked as you walked side by side down the trail to the next town. You smirk and put your hands behind your head as you stepped along.]

"What's the matter, am I distracting you~?" [She rolls her eyes, elbowing you lightly in the side, though you actually get the wind knocked out of you slightly, wheezing out and gripping your side.]

"Oh crab! S-Sorry! Don't know my own strength sometimes."

"I-I'm fine." [You wheeze out, clearly not. She chuckles and stops in her tracks, letting you catch your breath for a moment.]

"So... We're probably getting real close, you gonna be okay?"

"P-Probably not..."

"Vale..."

"Would you prefer I lie?"

"No! Just... Ugh, we gotta figure this out Vay, I don't want you running off again!" [You take a very deep breath, sighing it back out.]

"I promise... I won't run away, at least not without saying anything... I don't know if I'll be able to stay, but I won't just leave you... is that enough?" [You ask genuinely. Nille crosses her arms, a bit upset that that's the best she could get out of you for now, but seeming to accept it.]

"Alright... but if you start feeling the need to run, we're gonna talk, and I'm gonna help you work through it, no running from your feelings without a proper talk! Maybe a few skull bashes with the hammer, y'know, for good measure~." [She laughs out heavily. You just smile, appreciating the way she showed she cared. You find a weird comfort in it involving threats for some reason. Perhaps it would be best to not look into that for now.]

-------------------------------------------------------

[You browse along through the stalls of the town's open market, curiously glancing about at what each one had for sale. Nille was off refilling her own supplies somewhere else in the hustle and bustle, this being one of the larger towns you had stopped in. You go to pick up some fancy looking trinket only for a voice to cause you to freeze solid.]

"Does everyone have their shopping lists and coin?" [Crab... The Researcher,]

"Yup! Got mine! Camping supply duty!" [The Fighter,]

"A-And mine! Bonnie and I are food duty!" [The Housemaiden,]

"Yeah! I gotta find everything to make Nille's favorite!!" [The Kid...]

[You finally turn to glance in their direction, seeing them all together... minus your Stardust. Though that felt like a blessing in this very moment. You quickly look around for a place to hide, doing a very poor job of 'casually' walking away, keeping them in the corner of your vision. You finally duck behind a wall, placing your back to it and panting frantically. It's okay, we don't need to panic, they probably won't even recognize us! You try to logic out to yourself, only to look down and realize what you were wearing. The lightless skin of your arms speckled with stars fully visible through the sheer fabric. WHY DID WE HAVE TO WEAR THIS YOU BLINDING IDIOT?!]

[You try your best to regain your composure before suddenly feeling a hand on your shoulder. You nearly jump 3 feet into the air, holding up a paper sign in shock only to find Nille standing beside you, pulling her hand back.]

"S-Sorry! You good? You looked like you just saw a ghost." [She said, though her own words starting to help her realize what you might have just seen.]

"Wait, did you- Are they here?! Did you see Bonnie?!" [She asked excitedly, you're still quite shaken up, but you just manage to nod, pointing in the direction you saw them.]

"Thank you, Vay! I-I'll... I'll give you a few minutes and then introduce you, alright?" [She caught herself getting lost in her excitement, wanting to be there for you as well but wanting so dearly to see her sibling. You just give a light nod of permission and acceptance, letting her rush off before you lean against the wall again. You were hyperventilating, you couldn't catch your breath, just gasping in tiny puffs at a time and letting them back out before they could help. We need to calm down, Vale! Get a hold of ourself! Stardust isn't here, we can handle this! Just calm down! You finally manage to catch a full breath, sighing it back out, then taking another, and another, and another...]

[You start pacing back and forth in the little alley you were stewing in. How do we go about this? What do we tell them? The fact we were Loop has to come up certainly, no hiding it in this... We've already told Nille nearly every other blinding thing... well, all but one... No! No! We can't get into that right now! Okay, so we tell them we were Loop, and go from there... simple, right? A part of you is sure it won't be that simple, but there's not much else to be done at this point. You simply practice your breathing exercising for a few moments longer, finally heading out to try and find them all.]

[You stay far behind, but you spot them fairly quickly, Nille is kneeling down to give Bonnie the tightest hug you've ever seen. The both of them are crying, and the rest of the party is happily watching this touching moment like a scene from a play. It's nice, you're happy for Nille, as happy as you can be all things considered. You wish this moment could last... but you know you can't keep your distance for long, she'd drag you in to 'meeting' them all soon enough. You do your best to keep calm as you wait.]

[Finally the two of them have had their moment, Nille gets introduced to the other members of the party, and after a moment she turns back to look around, spotting you and waving you over. With one last deep breath you begin to walk over, your heart racing quickly again, doing your best to keep your mask firmly attached.]

"Everyone, this is Vale, we've been travelling together for a little while. They saved me from a sadness that got the jump on me, about a week after y'all unfroze everyone." [Nille explains, showing you off a bit. You give a nervous smile and wave as you're introduced. They all examine you like some strange beast, focusing on the visible skin of your arms. Before you can even manage to start talking, they realize who you are.]

"LOOP?!" [The Housemaiden and Fighter cry out in unison, being called that again makes you wince. The Researcher has a raised brow, almost inspecting you, ever curious as always. The Kid is looking up at you with a confused expression.]

"What happened to your face?"

"Bonnie! Mind your manners!" [Nille scolds their sibling some, only for you to chuckle a bit.]

"No, no, it's fine. It was quite a shock for me as well, but that's a story for another time~! Just call me Vale from now on, alright? That name has some... painful memories associated." [The Fighter and Housemaiden seem to understand quite well, being used to the change belief and all. The researcher hasn't taken that studious look off their face the whole time, it feels like you're being examined like some sort of experiment... The kid still looked a bit confused, but seemed to accept this for now.]

"Hey Vale, uhhh... We kinda thought you were dead? Did something happen? Sif woke up one day and was sure you were just gone..." [The Fighter starts to explain with a nervous look, as if unsure they wanted an answers, you notice then taking a little glace at the tip of the scar on your chest.]

"Right... that's part of that 'story for another time'... Where is Stardust anyways?"

"Back at the Inn, resting up, he had quite an... 'episode' when he thought you were dead..." [He looks disturbed, recalling several parts of the week. Was Stardust okay?... Did he really care that much about us?...]

"E-Episode?..."

"Like you said, Story for another time!" [The fighter parrots back at you, getting a bright smile back on their face.]

"O-Oh! Speaking of Siffrin, we need to tell him! He'd love to hear you're actually okay!" [The Housemaiden adds, The Fighter perking up.]

"Oh Change! You're right! Uhh… You all continue shopping, Vale, do you mind coming to see Sif?"

"Lead the way!" [You declare confidently, or at least try to. You feel Nille patting your back, you turn back to her, and she gives a reassuring smile, whispering to you.]

"You got this, I'll cya soon?" [You nod in response, smiling back lightly, then heading off with The Fighter.]

---------------------------------------------------

"Alright, here we are, should I... give you two some privacy?" [The fighter asked as you both stood outside of the house they were staying at, Stardust just inside.]

"I think that would be for the best, yes. Thank you."

"Of course! I'm sure you two went through a lot together, I can't imagine what it would be like stuck in those loops for so long..." [You wince at that, rubbing your arm lightly, he had no idea how right he truly was...]

"I better go back to the others, still gotta finish my shopping after all. You know where to find us if you need us!" [He offers with a bright smile, heading back to the market. You are left alone standing in front of the door.]

[Minutes pass as you just stare at it... the one last barrier between you and your stardust... We could run away again... but we promised Nille we wouldn't... Come on, we've come this far! it's just a door knob! Stars, we don't even have to open it, we can just knock! You take a deep breath and bring a hand up, ready to knock...]

[... Why aren't we knocking?! Why are we just standing here like a blinding idiot?! WE CANNOT TURN BACK!! KNOCK ON THE BLINDING DOOR YOU FOOL!! You finally summon enough courage, anger, annoyance, whatever emotion it was that finally pushed you over the edge, flicking your fist at the door a few times. Stars... we did it... we did it, it's happening, we can't go back, we can't run, it's over, it's all over, why can't we run? It would be so easy, just turn and head in a random direction again, what's another week of endless running? We've done it once we can do it again, just live in the woods like some hermit! Yes this is a great idea, just pick a direction and-]

[Suddenly the door starts to crack open, Stardust poking their head out of it. They blink a couple times, confused at the sight before him.]

"Uhm... Can I help yo-" [They start to speak, their voice was weak and raspy. They examine you before something clicks in their brain, seeing your arms, seeing your face, likely noticing how nervous you looked in this moment. Your heart raced like mad. You notice their eye getting watery already.]

"L... Loop?..." [You wince again at that blinding name... but you let it slide for now. You don't want to ruin this for him.]

"... Hello, Stranger~." [Is all you can manage to force yourself to say, trying to paint that smile back onto your face. You stand there awkwardly a moment as tears roll down their face. Before you can even react, they had their arms wrapped around you, wincing as he gripped you tighter than was comfortable, even squeezing some air out of your lungs. He sobbed into your clothes all the while.]

"I thought you were gone..." [He choked out through his weeping. You eventually manage to bring your arms up to hug him back, lightly rubbing their back.]

"I'm here Stardust... I'm... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." [You finally manage to speak again, your own tears welling up now. You rest your head on theirs, hugging back even tighter.]

"I'm sorry to-"

"No!" [You suddenly shout, gripping tighter.]

"N-No... Don't apologize, please... You did nothing wrong, Stardust. I'm the one who... who messed up..." [You struggle out, your tears dripping down into their hair as flashes of the memory of the last time you were together enter your mind.]

"... I'm so glad you're okay, Loop..."

"It's... It's Vale now..." [You correct as gently as you can, still holding each other close.]

"Vale... That's a nice name." [They note with a soft smile, sniffling some as their tears began to slow. You both stand there for a while in the close embrace. You savor this moment where everything feels oddly okay, after all, you know that feeling won't last for very long...]

[m00nkissedlover]

・｡infinity ♾️

you've ordered: a hot dark roast coffee! enjoy!

"i love you for infinity~"

chishiya x reader | word count: 1,197 words

summary: you just wanted him to know how much you love him...♾️ (inspired by the song "infinity" by jaymes young)

warnings: angst, death of a character, some strong language (one word)

note: can't wait for aib s3!! i will BAWL if chishiya dies- also, probably ooc towards the end, idc :))

you had a little pre-game ritual with chishiya. well, it was more so just your ritual. before every game, you'd tell chishiya the same thing: "i love you for infinity." it was a way for you to express your love for him in case something tragic happened during a game.

you thought it was cute. he thought it was stupid.

"why can't you just say "i love you" plain and simple? it's like you want something to go wrong during the game." he'd say, finding it ridiculous. but deep down, his stomach twisted each time you'd say it out of fear of it being your last.

"come on, chi~ we've made it this far! my ritual is working!" you teased as the two of you walked around the rooftop of "the beach."

you knew chishiya wasn't very keen on talking about his emotions, much less saying he loved someone out loud. but you could tell he loved you too based on his actions alone.

"you and your ritual..." he mumbled under his breath, playfully flicking you in the forehead before leaning down to kiss the spot before you scolded him. "go get some sleep. you need to be well rested for tomorrow."

"but the game is at night-" you were cut off by chishiya pressing his finger to your lips to shush you.

"doctor's orders~" he teased, a small smirk on his lips. you frowned, mumbling against his finger.

"fine, but only because i'm getting a little tired..." you lied, a goofy grin on your lips. you leaned over and gave him a soft kiss before making your way down the stairs.

as the days passed, more games were played, more cards were won, and more victories were celebrated with alcohol and intense partying. unfortunately, that also meant more players didn't make it. it was a new night, and you were currently packed into a car with chishiya and two other beach members. you played with chishiya's fingers under the seat, humming to yourself. the car soon came to a stop at a large arena, lights decorating it from top to bottom.

after locking the car, you all joined the group of players at the entrance. chishiya stood with you, leaning against a wall with his hood up and his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. you slipped your hand into his pocket, slowly intertwining your fingers. you leaned over and softly whispered to him as you did before every game.

"i love you for infinity~"

the game was whack a mole. difficulty: 6 of diamonds. rules: there are 5 rounds. each round, one person was assigned to be the "mole." their task was to confuse other players into thinking they aren't the mole. by the end of each round, players choose who they believe the mole is. if they're correct, the mole dies by a giant hammer bashing their skull in. if they're wrong, one innocent player dies by impalement.

the first two rounds went rather smoothly, the players successfully choosing the correct mole. everyone watched in horror as the players got their heads bashed in, blood pooling on the floor as they shuffled into the next room.

for the third round, there were two moles. if they guessed just one of them wrongly, one innocent player would die. one by one, each player stepped into a room off to the side for their role assignment. when you stepped in, the little black screen flickered and showed you your role. you were one of the moles. you took a breath, attempting to calm yourself down. "just act as if you're not the mole. just act like you have been this whole time."

once everyone finished getting their role assignment, the countdown for the round started. immediately, one of the players started to accuse chishiya of being the mole.

"how come he's always deciding who the mole is? what if he's the mole this time?" the man said, getting in chishiya's face.

"yeah, i agree! he always has that stupid smirk on his face!" another man yelled, making you panic.

you quickly stepped between chishiya and the man to break them up, frantically shaking your head.

"no! it's not chishiya! if anything, it could be you!" you said, jabbing your finger at his chest.

"hah? what are you talking about, you bitch? it could be you too!" he yelled back, obviously looking a bit taken off guard.

"we don't have time to keep arguing about this! time is ticking!" one woman yelled, pointing to the clock that was already at one minute left.

"ROUND ENDS IN 60 SECONDS"

chishiya placed a hand on your shoulder, stepping closer and glancing at the man. "let the time dwindle down. it's obvious that whoever the mole is won't be so nervous about dying if they can successfully trick the other players, right?" he said, the man swallowing a bit. chishiya got him.

"PLEASE CHOOSE THE MOLES"

at hearing the automated voice, the man quickly pointed to chishiya, his gaze threatening as he looked at the other players. they all nodded in agreement, and you, in a state of panic pointed at the man. the automated voice buzzed for a moment, coming on over the intercom.

"NUMBER OF MOLES CAUGHT: ONE"

your stomach dropped as you saw a small door on the wall open up. in a moment of panic and despair, you leaped in front of chishiya, the blonde haired male grabbing you to push you out of the way. but it was too late. a mid-sized spear shot out of the wall...and straight into your chest.

you stumbled back, falling to the ground as chishiya tried to hold you up. your blood seeped through your jacket and onto his hands, his eyes shaking.

"y/n....y/n, come on, get up. get up, i can...ann and i can patch you up-" you glanced up at chishiya as your breathing became labored.

the other players stood there, just watching, as if scared to do something.

you glanced down at the spear piercing your chest, then back up at chishiya, tears in your eyes.

"chi-" "shhh, you- you'll be fine. you'll be alright!" you reached a hand up and gently caressed his cheek, a bloody smile forming on your lips.

"chishiya...i love you for infinity..." you whispered, his eyes going wide.

"no, no stop!" your vision was starting to fade a bit, your breathing getting slower.

"i love you...for infinity..." you breathed, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

"ROUND 4 STARTS IN 2 MINUTES"

chishiya, gripped your hand, his whole body going into shock. he knew you wouldn't make it. the game masters would make sure of it. he decided to accept your fate, leaning over and pressing a kiss to your forehead. you swore you could hear him sniffling a bit.

"i love you too....i love you for infinity." he finally said it. he finally told you he loved you.

and it would be the last thing you heard as your hand slipped from his and your eyes fell shut. it was true, chishiya loved you, to the moon and back, with all his heart, and for infinity. ♾️

© m00nkissedlover, 2024

[avatar-of-pride]

FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU ONLY SEE IT AS BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR BECAUSE YOU KEEP PURPOSELY SMASHING IT WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER

Yeah, I bet you tried therapy, but you probably when like 3 sessions before stopping, so no fucking wonder you didn't get anything out of it!

Literally, anything is fixable if you try, and I'm pretty sure we both know that you aren't doing that

You know you can go to a psychologist and get them to put you on different meds if the ones you were prescribed aren't working, right? I don't know what you got put on, but you might just need a higher dose

I swear you just need to try to have even a sliver of hope about your situation, but you, for some reason, opt for bashing your skull against the wall

And I'm so. Fucking. Sick. Of. This. Shit.

I still can't understand why you are so stubborn about this

Who do I need to pay to point this shit out that you'll actually listen to, tell me.

I don't know if you view yourself as some kind of tool or whatever the fuck, but you sure don't seem to think that you're worthy of existence if your behavior is saying anything

I genuinely think organ failure would do less harm to your life than the way you treat yourself and the way you let it affect the people around you

I just can't wrap my head around it!

Because I fucking swear going off what you've said it's like you don't understand that this shit would be a long term thing to fix it won't just happen in a fucking week

- 🍄

Trying to fix this is impossible! I tried for a few years. I got meds. But now I’m off them and guess fucking what? I’m the exact same! What I view myself as is none of your fucking business and definitely not the business of some “professional” who will just tell me exactly what I already know. I’m a terrible person and while I can try to cover up who I am, I am nothing but someone who will hurt everyone around me over and over until I have nothing left

[fruit-sy]

Finished watching the Soul Eater anime

AND I LOVE MAKA AND SOUL HOLY SHIT, YOUR HONOR THEY ARE A DUO . NEVER SEPARATE THEM AHSJBXKZHSB

After watching jjk, Nobara was my 2nd favourite character because of how she's both badass and girly, but I was bummed that she didn't appear as much as I wanted her to in the anime, so I looked to other animes where a girl was the main character and saw Soul Eater had a female main protagonist.

The first episode and I was HOOKED. LOVED IT AAA MAKA KNOWS HOW TO KICK ASS AND SHE'S SO COOL AGSJWWJCOQLFJWK

At first I was kinda on the fence about the art style, but after getting into the first episode I positively ADORE IT. So much charm and style and exaggerated poses which kinda reminds me of ROTTMNT in a way. I see people mentioning it was Tim Burton-esque, and I see it too. A lot of halloween vibes which was very fitting at the time.

Anyways, the fight animation was great, I loved Maka (and Soul) and I was very invested,, until the fanservice came out. I felt like bashing my skull against the wall and just dying inside because of how much I couldn't handle the cringe. But I held out because Maka was my light in the darkness.

Super glad I did because Maka is so fun to watch as a character huehehe. Her dynamic with other characters is really fun, she's a capable fighter and knows how to get around in a fight. She even goes off the hinge and if you know me that makes me giggle excitedly ehhehehehehe (poor crona tho ;_;)

My brother told me "It's an oldie but it's a goodie" and (for the most part) I very much agree. I was late to this anime by 14 years but better late than never amirite?

Anyways, Soul and Maka are everything to me and they should NOT be separated. Though Maka looks like the reasonable one, they're both equally dumbasses. They bicker a lot and sometimes have serious arguments which cause them to split apart, but their friendship runs very deep. I love how I feel like they stand equal with eachother, both pull their weight and one's presence completes the other's, whether literally through the weapon-meister relationship, or figuratively through their friendship and uplifiting eachother when they're down in the dumps.

Soul genuinely really cares for her. Like, he shields Maka in the fight with Stein, Crona, and when she fell, he's there to pull her out the deep end when she's gone into Madness or when her knees buckle under the pressure of a battle or when she's furious beyond belief, and he's loyal as hell and will go through hell and back for her

And the feeling is very mutual! Maka is devastated when he took a hit for her and is determined to get stronger. The scene where she picks up Soul although her hands were burnt by him was hype as hell.

Their whole schtick of like "staying cool" is also so adorable i cant my heart-

ANIME SPOILERS

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The first half of the anime was fantastic. Though it pains me to say the second half was rather lackluster and the ending was disappointing imo. I've heard whispers of spoilers that they fumbled with the ending but I wanted to make that judgement by myself.

It baffles me why these studios don't just put the series on hiatus until more chapters from the manga releases.

Anyways, I'm currently picking up from the manga and I'm hoping for a better ending and story there ;u;

[silent-raven13]

A Spider-woman name Billie 6

(Part 5)

"Papá!" Mariana 2020 launch her tiny body to her dad's arms which caught Hobie 138b by surprised. The little girl was quick enough to response without anyone to noticed. "Haha!"

Hobie 2020 caught his pup, "Careful, darling. What if you fell like Humpty Dumpty and crack your little skull, hmm?" He cooed a bit being a bit morbid with his questions.

Miles 2020 shook his head, "Aye, don't say that." He lightly slap his husband's arm, "It's bad enough I worry about them crawling on the walls!"

"I thought you want me to teach them how to safe?" Hobie 2020 gave a low chuckle still showing off his canines, they were more sharper yet smaller than Alpha's.

Alpha 2010 crossed his arms, "Pfft, pathetic Alpha."

Petie giggles, "Well, he always have a dark humor to his teachings..."

"Why is he so fucking fine?" Mimi 1015 whispers at Miles 1610 and Miles 43, "Like he's so damn- hmmm!"

"What are you saying, luv?" Hobie 138d overhears his girlfriend, "Hmm? Hmm?" He got all up in her face being a bit jealous. "Careful, darling. I will put a baby in you."

"Huh?" Mimi 1015 pucker her lips with her eyes wide.

Miles 42 rolled his eyes, "You do realize she's trans!"

"Biology ain't real. That's capitalism and with the right science..." Hobie 138d grins widely, "Like genetically modified my Sunflower's sex then I can put a baby in her."

"No. No! You will not go there!" Miles 1019 scowls with anger, "I will fuck you up!"

"FUCK YOU UP!" Mariana 2020 shouted.

"Mari no! That's a bad word!" Miles 2020 gasps.

Hobie 2020 laughs in amusement, "You can easily ask Miguel 2299, he's an Alpha and knows how to make regular blokes into Omegas."

"Be quiet! They don't need to know!" Miguel 928 growls at the Alpha.

"They wouldn't do it. They would have to ask a Miguel for help." Mariana added seeing all the Hobies scowling at the idea. "Hehehe."

Mimi 1015 holds her boyfriend's face, "I don't want to have a baby, bae. I am a happy trans woman."

"Okay, luv." Hobie 138d heart melts at his boo's cute peck on the lips.

Hobie 2020 smirks at Alpha, "Oi, how was the fight? Had to escape with some old relics."

"It was terrible. We needed you and you left! Leaving me with that nitwit!" Alpha scowls.

"He told us countless of times he was gonna blow up the place, and I saved important art." The older punker Prowler shrugs, his claw gently hover over his daughter, who's trying to touch it. "Easy, darling."

"I wanna touch it, papá!" Mariana 2020 whines.

"Tu papi is wearing some dangerous weapons, mi vida. It's better if you don't touch." Miles 2020 hums, and saw his son, Karl reaching out for him. "Awe, miss me?"

Karl nodded, "Yeah! Yeah! Daddy!" One of the Hobies handed him back to his daddy, the older Spider-man happily holds his pup. The small boy giggles with delight, "Hehehe, daddy!"

"Yes, mi amor. I'm here." The Omega kisses his son's round cheeks having his scent blooming with sweet protective pheromones for his children.

"Ah-hahahaha." Karl snuggles against his daddy, his chubby hand tugging on the Spider-man suit. "Daddy, hungry?"

"We'll be there soon." Miles 2020 smiles warmly at his pup.

The Hobies watched with awe at how cute the Omega looks. The Miles being bashful by the Alpha. "Come on, guys. Chop-chop! We're starving!" Gwen said at them.

"Yeah, I'm hungry!" Mayday stomp her foot hating to wait any longer.

The group were entering the cafeteria finally making it, then they were bombarded with a Spider-man that had white and red with black accents to it. They were surprised to find Lupe without her mask looking pissed off with her own silver Spider suit, "And how many times I told you do not talk to me like that!"

"Ohhh, finally some good action." Hobie 2020 chuckles darkly with his confused variants looking at him. "Just enjoy and watch this beautiful drama." Mariana 2020's big eyes watches Lupe and the male Spider-man arguing with their Spider sense off the roof.

Petie 2010 saw Alpha smirking widely, "Heh, looks like Miguel 660 is starting trouble with Lupe, again."

"DAD?" Gabriel 660 called out being in shock. Wow how embarrassing for his dad to argue with another Spider-hero.

The Spider-man held his hand up with one finger for his son to wait a moment being busy with arguing with Lupe. "Mira me, I didn't talk to you like that. All I said it doesn't take a pendeja to figure out the implication of artificial manipulation!"

"Oh wow, did he had to call her a pendeja?" Billie winced at the arguments.

The young Spider-heroes never saw this Miguel O'Hara before, in fact he was shorter than Miguel 928 and a bit leaner. When Miguel 660's molecule suit removed his masks to reveal a redhead, pale chisel middle age white man, the whole Spider Band gang eyes widen.

"Ain't no way! That's a Miguel?" Gwen asked out loud.

Pavtri took a quick picture for his blog, "So he does exist! I heard he was one of the main Spider-men doing all the multi-verse stuff."

"Why is he too...." Miles 42 trails off being hella confused.

Miles 43 pitched in, "That's not a Miguel O'Hara," he put on a white voice accent, "That's a Michael O'Hara. Looks like his Irish genetics won."

"Pfft!" Hobies 138b choked up laughing out loud. "Hahaha."

Miles 1610 said, "Come on, guys. It's bound to happen..." His eyes landed on Miguel 928 to Miguel 660 seeing the massive difference.

"So he's a redhead here... makes sense since his boy is freakin' white, too." Miles 1019 added being disappointed at how the man looks.

Mariana 1022 whisper to punk Miles, "I get what you mean. Brown Miguel is much finer." They both nodded in agreement. Punk Miguel overheard feeling pleased with this.

Gabriella 1042 gasps with joy, "OH is he my papá, too!" She looks disappointed at the redhead being confused, "Why he looks... hmmm? Like an old man?" She looks at her dad.

Jess laughs out loud, "Oh honey, it's part of the multi-verse. You'll find a light skinned Jess here, too."

"Oh..." Gabriella being a bit sad, "I want another papá like papá!" She open her arms wide explaining, "Tall, big and have brown hair!"

"Mmhhmm, me too." Mimi 1015 hums to herself.

Miguel 928 said to his gem, "Mija, the multi-verses have so many wonders. You might see more of me or him..." He looks over at Miguel 660 being unpleased with the outcome.

"Come on, guys. Let's go find a table to eat. Knowing Lupe... this is gonna be a long argument." Jess said to her friends.

Alpha said, "She always know how to twist your words..."

"Can you blame her when you have to deal with him and his egoistical smartass?" Hobie 2020 asked with a bit a smirk on his handsome face.

"Yeah, not gonna lie he's a big jerk!" Peter 616 said.

"Oh, Billie! That's Lupe! We can ask her to be your mentor!" Marian 1022 happily said to the teenage Spider-woman.

"Oh, that'll be great. Let's go!" Billie smiles, "Gabe, come on. Let's say hi to your dad!"

"Wait, we need to get seats for the kids! I totally wanna see this Michael O'Hara!" Miles 43 said out loud, "Miles 1610, can you watch over the kids, please!"

"YEAH!" Mimi 1015 and Mariana 1022 nodded.

"Huh, why me?" Miles 1610 shouted.

"Oh look, Pav! Spider Band is here!" Gwen shouted pointed at Peni, Noir, Spider-Ham, and their other friends eating at a big table.

"Oh, hey! Petie, long time no see gorgeous!" Deadpool spotted the Omega while having lunch with his Peter 616b and the Spider-band!

Petie 2010 panics, "EEEP!" Being picked up by Deadpool like a bride. "Put me down, Deadpool! Peter 616b!"

"Ugh, Wade..." Peter 616b sounded tired.

"Hey guys! Have you met the Hobies and Miles!" Gwen went to introduce the Spider Band with the many variants.

"Oh yeah!" Peni said.

Margo chuckles, "Have you met Grayson 2100?" She had the male version of Gwen by her, who was chewing his food.

"Hey!" He waves at her.

"Pavtri had you met Pavtri 50134? He's from this really cool Space world!" Spider-Ham pointed up.

"What's up!" Pavtri 50134 had a much deeper voice and a robotic arm.

"Whaaaa! That's so cool! You gotta tell me everything!" Pavtri got super excited!

Miles 2020 went with Miles 1610 to find spots for the kids and the other adults, "Thanks, Miles 2020 or is there a nickname..." Miles 1610 slowly asked. Hobie 138b carried Gonzalo 1022 and Aaron on the other arm.

"Hmm, you can call me, Millie." Miles 2020 winks at him. "It does get annoying with all the numbers, huh?"

"Oh gawd, yes! Finally someone said it. I can never remember all of it at times." Miles 1610 finally said while he put Gonzalo 1015 in a high chair. "And it's always hard with nicknames too. Because I get it if your name is Mimi and my nickname is Mimi, but we gotta be different."

"Hahaha, it is hard, but will get use to it." Millie giggles as he put his son in a high chair. "Right, honey." He kisses his son's forehead.

"Yeah, daddy. We lea-wn!" Karl nodded.

"Awe, such cuties!" Kitty appeared with her own gang from a mission, Meows Morales on her shoulder.

"Oh wow, you're here too!" Miles 1610's eyes widen seeing most of his friends here in the cafeteria. Sometimes they would find them at different times or they eat after a mission.

"Yeah, what are the odds! Kaine must be freaking out to find his teammates fighting again. I always did say Lupe and Miguel 660 should never be in the same team. They are always fighting."

"Oh hi, Meows!" Billie 1610 gasps at the cartoon cat.

Meow Morales quickly jump from one shoulder to Miles 1610's should to the table to look at Billie 1610, "HI! Are you Billie? I have a sister, too. Her name is Bitty Morales, because she's so tiny and cute! A very tiny kitten!"

"Ohh, kitty me?" Billie 1610 became so excited.

Hobie 138b smiles with amusement, "Well I'll be chuffed! Sunflower, your variant got a lil sprog too!"

"Huh uh!" Miles 1610's eyes gleamed with joy, then had his head turn to Meows, "Awe, when will I see her, Meows!"

"She is a cute little darling." Hobie 138e appeared with May 2010 in his arms, "Isn't that right, Kitty?" He look at the Spider-woman with a grin.

Kitty giggles, "Yup, I saw her once. She's so small even a Small doesn't fit her."

"Aweee, we wanna meet her!" Miles 1610 said as Billie 1610 agreed too.

Meows stood, "Later, because she likes her naps and bottle of warm milk that mamá makes!" Then he went to Miles 2020 for a hug, "Miles!"

"Oh, hello Meows. Surprised to see you here? Where's your Hobie?" Miles 2020 hugs the cartoon cat.

"I dunno!" Meows nuzzling against the omega, smelling his sweet pheromones. For him, it's like cat nip in a way. So addicting and calming. Making a small purring sound.

"Awe, so cute!" Kitty awed.

"Who call my name? I'm comin'!" Hobie Pine appears spotting his Sunflower, with a simple quick run and hop. He took his bae into his arms, "Mine!"

Hobie 138b chuckles, "Nice, lad. A true Hobie knows how to get their Sunflowers."

Hobie Pine stood with a slow nod, while snuggling against his Meows. "Wait, I wanna snuggle with Millie!" Meows whines, being out of his sweet trance.

"Nope! Only me!"

"Hahaha, Meows is so funny." Mayday giggles as she pulled a seat with Gabriella and Gerald.

Miles 1610 said, "Wait, Hobie Pine... where did you come from?" He looks over finding all the Spider-animals appearing to eat lunch.

"We finished a mission and wanted to eat lunch! Meows, why did you leave me, darling!" Hobie Pine pouts.

"I didn't leave you! I went on a mission with Kitty, Ben Riley and Petra!"

"Oh wow, I would think Ben would be with Lupe seeing how he's good friends with Kaine." Miles 2020 said.

"Hahaha, they had different schedules. Kaine ended up with Lupe, Charlotte, Slick."

"Slick joined too? Blimey, what an interesting day." Hobie 138b said as he put Gonzalo 1022 in a high chair and Aaron in another. "We might even find Hobie 138..."

"Hey, Mig! Where have you been, mate?" Hobie 138 appeared having to fist bump punk Miguel.

"Spoke too soon, bae?" Miles 1610 giggles.

"I did." Hobie 138b agreed.

"I hope daddy gets me a burger! I'm so hungry!" Mayday said.

"I want some chicken nuggets." Gerald said.

Gabriella saw her dad getting in the middle with Lupe and Miguel 660, "I hope papá is okay."

"Don't worry, Gabby. He's fine. Besides, this is his job." Miles 1610 comforts the little girl.

"What did you say?" Lupe scowls at Miguel 660.

Miguel 928 had his hands held up, "Okay, Lupe. He didn't mean it like that he onl-" Lupe held her hand up to him to stay quiet.

Miguel 660 sighs, "I said working with you is like pulling teeth! It's exhausting! Te gusta chingar mi vida, Guadalupe! It's frustrating!"

"Oh me? Let's not forget you, Miguel O'Hara got no business to dumbing down basic shit! And how dare you? You act all high and mighty, but when something bites us in the us- It's never Miguel O'Hara 660!" She claps back at him.

Kaine appeared hiding behind Miguel with a soft whisper, "You see how me and Sun Spider gotta deal with."

"Lyla only put you four together because you two always worked well at the end of the day." Miguel 928 tries to calm the two down. "You all did finish the mission."

"Yeah." Lupe sounding displeased.

Miguel 660 sighs, "Barely..." He look at Lupe, "She's the one that didn't follow my plan."

"Oh no way you're gonna throw me under the bus! Ugh, you such an ass!" Lupe said, "Alright, whose fault was it, when somebody decided to break the control panel, hmmm?" She got into Miguel 660's face.

"I only did that because Sun Spider couldn't hack it! Well, who's fault was it, when we need the chip and you threw it into the water!"

The two were yelling at each other like little kids. Miguel 928 sighs, "enough you two. Just apologize and get on with your day."

"No." Miguel 660 huffed with his arms crossed.

"Pfft, like an apology would come out of his big mouth with that big head!" Lupe huffed.

"At least, I don't flaunt mi tetas at the enemy." Miguel 660 bitterly commented.

"What was that?" Lupe asked, hearing his words.

"Nothing!"

She got right into his face with a dark scowl, "That's right, you better stay quiet." She turns back to her spot, "And that haircut is so ugly. Everyone knows you got a big ass forehead. Hairline receding grandpa! Gonna end up looking like your daddy!"

Miguel 660 gasps in shock then shouted, "AM NOT!"

"AM TOO!"

"AM NOT!"

AM TOO!" The two were shouting in each other faces.

Gabriel 660 shook his head while Billie looked terrified, "Wow, I never knew they can be so scary."

"Lupe is old school and Miguel 660 is always rude." Mariana pointed out.

Punk Miguel looks at Miguel 928, "Are you gonna fix this?"

"At this point," Miguel 928 broke the two apart, "Enough! Los Dos son pedejos!-" receiving a deadly glare from Lupe, "Well, mostly Miguel 660..."

"Hey!"

"Dad, come on! Just apologize to Lupe. This is embarrassing! My friend is here." Gabe 660 went up to his dad to say.

"What?" Miguel 660 looks at Billie, "Your friend? I thought she was your girlfriend."

"WHAT! NO WAY!" Gabriel shouted being shy about it.

Lupe noticed the young girl, "Ohh, who is this adorable Spider-woman?" Then looks at Gabriel, "It's fine, Gabe. I know how to tussle with your dumb daddy. Anyway, is she your girlfriend!"

Billie 1613 giggles, "No, I'm Billie Mariana Morales from Earth 1613! I'm a Spider-woman!"

"Lupe, I was wondering if you can teach her the ropes. She needs an instructor... a mentor!" Mariana 1022 said happily.

"Ohh, so this is the famous Billie! Alright, I'm happy to be your mentor, but you might need to know I'm a bit harsh and fair."

"Not to mention una maldita bruja, pinche vieja." Miguel 660 scoffs, then Miguel 928 and Gabriel 660 cover the Spider-man's mouth with panic.

Lupe glares over at them, "What was that?"

"NOTHING!" Gabriel 660 and Miguel 928 shouted together. While Miguel 660 muffling through their hands trying to breathe.

Kaine stood with his hands together, "Oh wow, so fast!"

"Huh uh," Lupe pucker her lip having to eye the Spider-men then look back at the two Spider-woman, "Anyway, can you handle that?"

"Yeah, I'll do whatever it takes!" Billie 1613 smiles happily.

Deadpool holds Petie like he was a trophy wife, "Come on, wifey! Let's eat chimichangas together!"

"Wahhh, someone help me!" Petie cries out loud.

"Wade, seriously? Let go of Petie!" Peter 616b shouted.

Miles 1610 sat in the middle between Hobie 138b and Billie 1610. Lunch was on Miguel 928 seeing how everyone he mostly talk to, and common acquaintances.

Gabriella sat next to her dad as she happily talk to Lupe, "Wow, your web glows like mi papá?"

"Yeah, mi niña." Lupe happily smiles, "Mines glows a bit lime green."

"Oh cool!" Gabriella happily said, then turns to Billie 1613, "Can your web glow?"

"No, actually I make my own web shooters... but I can do this." She can make her fingers have electricity similar to Miles' venom strike. "I'm a bit rusty."

Miguel 660 chews his lunch, "More useful than a glowing organic webbing..."

Lupe elbow hard into his stomach with her snapping, "Shut up, you jerk!"

"You two never learn." Jess sighs.

Gerald chews his chicken nugget while he gawks at Mayday, "Wow, you got two burgers?"

"Huh uh! I'm starving." Mayday happily bites into her burger.

Peter 616 said to Sun Spider, Kaine and Kitty, "Look I get it, we need some sort of upgrade for the app, but me and Margo are swapped!"

"Lyla can do so much too." Sun Spider pointed out.

A bit downward Hobie 2020 casually talks to the Hobies, "Rule one, if your darling Sunflower gives you the silence treatment, always do as he says. But you have to be mad to get there." He handed his daughter a french fry on her high chair.

"Tank coo, papá!" Mariana grab her french fry taking a bite. "Mmm."

"No problem, my little anarchist." Hobie 2020 gently rub his daughter's cheek then went back to the Hobies, "Also, always give him a little shoulder massage. That always work for me. Why you think I've been so happily married?"

"Because we were in love!" Miles 2020 sat next to him as he feed Aaron.

"Were? Darling, are you trying to tell me something? Not tired of me?" His mate leans over being clingy. "Who is he?"

"Oh please, bae! I'm just saying we been happily married because we are in love. I wouldn't marry you and given you three pups if I wasn't." Miles 2020 snorted with amusement.

"Mmm, that's good to hear, my mate." Alpha Hobie rest his chin on his Omega's shoulder smelling his scent.

Miles 2020 said to Hobie 138b and Miles 1610, "This what will happen when you marry an Alpha Hobie."

"Wow, having an Alpha must be fun, huh?" Mariana 1022 asked as she feeds her brother.

Mimi 1015 nodded, "Right, all those heated nights."

Miles 42 scoffs, "Gross."

"Hahaha, I mean, I grew up to this life so I do enjoy being with my Alpha." Miles 2020 smiles brightly, "And my pups are mi vida."

"Daddy, more fw-ies, please!" Karl munch on his french fries only having one.

"Here you go, mi bebé." Miles 2020 smiles at his sons.

Hobie 138b look at Miles 1610 for the moment he wished he could give his boyfriend a child. Just seeing the Omega being so protective of his variant's kin, it got him having massive baby fever.

Miles 1610 didn't seem to pay attention to his partner. "Well, you guys really got some cute kids. I didn't think I would find an Omega of me... I honestly thought I would be an Alpha."

"Well, there is an Alpha variant of you, but it's so rare. I think he stays out of the rest of Alphas since he's very to himself." Miles 2020 giggles, "There's more Omegas of us than Alphas."

"Says a lot about your personality, lad." Hobie 2022 commented, "There's a lot of Alpha Hobies and Alpha Helens."

"Marianas are also Omegas and Betas. I haven't met an Alpha of her yet." His mate added.

Hobie 138b and the other Hobies turn their heads, "Helen?" He asked, speaking for his variants.

"Ohh, Helen. I wonder if we'll see her! She's so fun!" Mariana 1022 said.

Hobie 2020's smirk showing off his perfect sharp canines, "Helens are our female variants, per se. Though, I don't believe in such labels, but she is here."

"Oh wow. I need to see her, too." Miles 1610 gasps, "A girl Hobie!" He tries to imagine his partner with breasts, but it was so hard.

"Sunflower, what are you looking at?"

"Nothing!"

"Come on, darling. You just imagine me as a woman!"

"Maybe."

Hobie 2020 saw his son Aaron yawning, "Darling, did Berserk have his nap?"

"No, they couldn't. Probably after this." His mate answered him.

"Wait, Berserk? I thought his name was Aaron?" Miles 1610 asked.

"Funny story... while I was giving birth to three pups and being so exhausted I let my husband name out pups." Miles 2020 explains, "I let him pick their first names and..."

Hobie 2020 chuckles with his dark eyes on his variants being interested, "Brat, Berserk, and Brute."

"Brat Mariana, Berserk Aaron, and Brute Karl..." Miles 2020 added, "I had to give them a middle name since..."

"Because your kids are named after Powerpuff girls?" Mimi 1015 asked.

"What? No, it was an act of rebellion. When they grow up to be mischievous to society!" Hobie 2020 pouts, "What's a Powerpuff Girl?"

This made some Miles snicker to themselves while the Hobies look lost. "I think those are great names." Hobie 138b pouted at his giggling boyfriend.

"Oh they are, but it's just that..." He kept giggling.

From another table, Gwen and Pavtri talking to the gang. "No way. So that's what happen."

"Yup, it sucked. But we did complete the mission." Peni said.

"Yeah, we kicked butt and all." Noir hums.

Meows being snuggled by Hobie Pine, "Hobie!"

"I like this." His boyfriend snuggles against him.

Then a tall woman with thick braided wicks went over to the tables. She spotted Mariana 1022 first, "Hello, darling!" Slouching over her with one arm wrapping around her friend's neck.

"Oh! Helen, you're here!" Mariana gasp.

"Yeah, I thought I needed to make an appearance. Sometimes this place gives me the creeps- all corporate and mundane. Eck!" The female punk stood with a disgust look on her face.

All the gang from the table gawks. That's Helen Brown, a tall female Spider-Punk, she had similar features of Hobie. The only thing is more piercings and more accessories onto her punk outfit.

"Wow, she's so cool." Miles 1610 gasps.

"And cute." Mimi 1015 hums.

Miles 43 said, "Yup!"

Helen sat next to Mariana having to push punk Miguel, "Anyway lass, what's all this? A party."

"No, everyone happened to have lunch." Marian saw Punk Miguel scowling at Helen's rude gesture, then said, "I can introduce you to everyone!"

"Alright." She shrugs.

Miles 1610 watches all the gang enjoying their lunch. Hobie 138b saw his boyfriend happily eating, "Sunflower, you good?"

"I'm just happy. I got to meet new Spider-heroes and be with my friends." He snuggles against his boyfriend. "Everything feels perfect."

"It does, doesn't it?" Hobie 138b smiles at him.

Miles 42 sat next to Billie 1613, "I'm always here for you, okay?"

"Okay! I'm glad." Billie 1613 hugs Miles 42, "We will be the best siblings ever!"

Miles 1019 said, "Don't leave us out!"

"Yeah, we're a team! We work together!" Miles 43 said.

Billie 1610 nodded, "Yeah! Right, Miles."

"Right." Miles nodded, "We're a family."

Billie 1613 smiles widen, "I'm glad I got the courage to come here and meet all you amazing heroes. I can't wait to be apart of this." Everyone went to enjoy their lunch having their own conversations and laughing at their jokes. Billie 1613 became part of the Spider Band without any doubt.

[makorays]

I'm curious if its ok to ask about how it is to be bipolar like do you feel different or anything? have you always been bipolar? how do you know you have it?

you'll want to get a psychological evaluation done, it's how i got diagnosed. but even without a diagnosis i probably could've figured it out. this is a chart i made of how my overall mood felt on a scale from 0 to 10 on every day of 2022 and 2023. anything below that red line in the middle is when my mood is low enough to make accomplishing anything more than super basic tasks very difficult.

i actually really wish i had another chart to compare mine to, because uh, i'm PRETTY SURE this isn't normal. see how i'll like, have a string of good days, but then all of a sudden i flip and feel like absolute garbage for a bit?

bipolar is characterized by one's mood shifting in and out of hypomania and depression with little to no apparent cause. it typically doesn't manifest until adulthood. starting from when i was an adult, i kept feeling super super depressed without having any idea why, i'd always search my head to see if there was anything weighing on me at the time but i always came up short. or if i DID find something to be upset about, it was only on my mind AFTER the bad feelings already hit, and the bad feelings made me ruminate on the upsetting thought and feel hopeless.

imagine being so happy for a couple of days that you accomplish everything you wanted to do that week, music feels more amazing than usual, everything is exciting, you love the world and everyone and yourself and everything is great.

now imagine waking up after one of those days and having the first thought of the morning being "god i want to die." not a single apparent reason for it, you were feeling fine the night before, but all of a sudden everything is just wrong. everything hurts. you feel so weak that you have to muster up strength just to do basic household chores. you don't care about anything. all of your dreams, everything you've spent your life working for, all of it feels completely pointless. even if you had the motivation to work on something, you certainly don't have the energy. the simple act of moving your body starts to feel like you're swimming through black sludge. your personality shifts and you become a worse person because you're filled head to toe with pain and apathy and you have zero energy to deal with anyone's shit. your brain starts dedicating a ton of resources to inject you with raw suffering. you know that feeling you get when you hit your knee against a sharp corner? when a romantic partner breaks up with you? when someone manages to insult you in a way that hits every single insecurity you have? y'know...Pain? imagine feeling JUST that pain, without any of those things to cause it. imagine your default state is not one of neutrality, but of suffering. imagine a voice in your head, indistinguishable from yourself (because it IS you, just not a you you'd like to be) starts mocking you, calling you pathetic, telling you you've wasted your life and you'll never find happiness. imagine being so used to this voice that you've pretty much gotten a total handle on how to silence it, but silencing it does nothing for all the wordless pain you're also feeling. imagine clearing your head of all your worries, searching for that inner peace that normally acts as the bedrock to your mind, and finding it to have been replaced by a fundamental sensation of wrongness. imagine feeling so trapped in the torture chamber that is your head that you start asking yourself which wall of your bedroom would be most optimal for bashing your skull through. imagine questioning how it could be possible for anyone to be forged this broken. imagine being so intimately familiar with the chronic psychic pain that your only logical options are to either suppress it with medication or kill yourself.

now imagine going back to that other version of yourself, the happy one, the one whose brain tells them everything's fine. imagine starting to pull your life together, making more complex and healthy meals, working out every day or two, practicing skills, making progress with projects, and then imagine suddenly and completely losing all motivation to continue doing any of that because another inevitable downswing hits. imagine watching your muscles go back to how they were before you started working out because you literally do not have enough willpower in your entire body to do it consistently while in this state of mind.

so imagine now that there are two versions of you. one of them is living a happy life, making progress, pursuing his dreams, enjoying his time. but then there's this OTHER you, who always trips and falls back down the stairs you worked so hard to climb, who has spent their entire life feeling chronically depressed for no reason, and they're starting to get tired of it. the happy you starts to show up less and less, and the sad you gets to go further and further through their character arc. except, if you're anything like me, that storyline ends in suicide. you have to not give that version of you what they want, no matter how powerful their voice becomes, no matter how badly they want it, no matter how sick and tired they are of having to deal with this, no matter how much suffering they are experiencing. you have to keep torturing them, force them to live, until you can find the right medication to kill them in a way where they won't take your better half down with them.

and i should clarify, this is not multiple personality disorder. i'm still "me" whenever my shifts happen, the different voices in my head are just how i describe my conflicting thoughts. i am a democracy of neurons whose job is to make sure the dark and irrational neurons get outvoted. unfortunately, i can only influence the ones i am conscious of.

anyway hopefully these meds work :)

[turtlemagnum]

there's this online recreation of the sans fight that i played religiously back in middle school before i even owned a device capable of running undertale, still up. i got good enough at it that under normal circumstances, i can usually do it first try. a bit of a banging my head against a brick wall thing, but damn did it eventually break. honestly i think doing that before ever actually playing undertale was a bit like goku training in 100x gravity, except instead of landing on namek to fight frieza he went and fought raditz again and just absolutely wrecked his shit. at least, until i got to undyne, still not great at her. god i love her. adhd, getting distracted, i had a goddamn point i was trying to make. so, notice that i said "under normal circumstances" as a caveat. what i would consider not normal circumstances would be, say, playing with fucked up arrow keys. such as, the ones that seem to be on every goddamn modern laptop where up and down are both collectively taking up the same amount of real estate as a single normal key, because apparently right shift needs that extra fucking space. like seriously who the fuck even uses right shift, top 10 useless keys right there, right next to caps lock and most of the function keys. guess i've just gotta suck it up until i can afford to get an actual gamer laptop and not a budget office clunker that i got for the admittedly nice CPU

honestly like, i think my ideal laptop would be halfway between the Ultra Gucci Gamer shit and what i have now. give me like, 16 gigs of RAM, a decent CPU for emulation, a low end but modern and power efficient discrete GPU, and a big fuckin SSD. no RGB shit, just a power waste, though i do like having backlit keys at times i think the more efficient way to go about it would just paint em with something glow in the dark. is glowstick fluid toxic to get your hands on? i remember hearing about a guy who died because he injected that shit at a rave, but i don't know how much of that is This Shit Is Poison vs Dont Put Things That Arent Blood In Your Blood Sacks You Moron, y'know. for some reason radium popped into my head, but after thinking about it for more than an instant i'm like 85% sure that shit's what done killed marie curie, and now i can't help but imagine that's something elon musk would tell his engineers to do. "yeah. just a, uh, gamer key-board. with, radium paint on the lettering. saves power, good for the planet." what was i saying

anyways yeah like. the only other specs i can think of would be just having as many ports as possible, 1080p screen @ 60hz, y'know the bare minimum in Current Year. i will say that my current laptop has given me problems with screens i've never had on a computer before, there have been times where i see something i know for a fact is a different, more saturated color on other screens and having it be barely different from the background. also? i want that motherfucker bulky god dammit, i'm tired of everything being thin and light and having absolute dogshit battery life. i miss when i could charge my gameboy once a week and have it entertain me the entire goddamn time, y'know. i'm lucky if i get half a day of consistent use out of a laptop or my switch without charging it, y'know. to be honest, you should be able to murder someone with your technology. i could kill a man with a gamecube or the PC my dad left me as a kid, if i tried to bash a man's skull open with my laptop the laptop would take more damage than the skull. like don't get me wrong, it'd fucking hurt, but i'm not sure there's any singular component in this thing less than 95% cheap polymer by volume. a goddamn disgrace, lemme tells ya. back in ancient rome we had the technology to build bridges strong enough to still be used today, there are guns from the world wars that you can shoot to this day, you're tellin me you can't make a laptop sturdier than a saltine cracker? well, i'm pretty sure they're mostly designed by crackers, so i guess i can't blame em too hard for their inadequacies. such is lief i suppose (sic)

[superbfics]

Leighanne, my love, you know how I feel about this fic already but here I am to scream my praises at you again!! The Foxy Lounge should be a TV show, it should be a book, it should be a lot of things and here you are giving it away for free! Your creativity in creating this world and these stories is out of this world! It takes so much talent, and passion, and dedication to build a world, let alone create these seamless stories. Stories that take place in a single night but build tension and backstory and chemistry with an expert fluidity! I know, I know the smut is what we come for - I mean this bartender and bouncer are hot. But it's the way you write them that has us all staying and coming back for more. It's your talent that has me threatening to come lay on your sidewalk and scream until you write me a Robin night (listen, I know 🙄 but like...) anyways. Thank you for creating this fun and amazing world and sharing these stories with us. You already know I'm getting these printed and put on my shelf. 💛

Please find the Taylor reblog special below, I love you, you talented miraculous sunfish (it's a parks and rec reference for all you silly people who haven't watched that!):

“Everyone’s got a crush on Steve, baby.”

I should have known from this line it was over for me. There was no going back for reader and Eddie knew it.

Bent over, you watch him collect what looks like an orange Tamagotchi, stuffing it quickly in his back pocket before brushing the dust off his dark denim clad thighs. The way he fills his jeans has your mouth dry up and his muscles flex under the black cotton shirt that wraps tight around his torso, the seams barely containing what’s underneath. Turning around he runs a big hand through his honey colored locks that stop just below his ears, pushing the fly aways from his face while the shine of the street lamp highlights his cheekbones and sharp jaw.

God you hated when Eddie was right.

GOD DAMN YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO THAT HARD ON THE DESCRIPTION OF STEVE BUT YOU DID BABY 😅🫠

Raising his hands up to stop you, the press of your thighs is instant when you see the silver band wrapped around the thickness of his middle finger.

Hahahahaha. I have a ring too Steve. See:

“Besides, it’s not the first time a pretty girl has knocked me on my ass.” Folding his arms across his pecs, he leans against the brick of the bar crossing his legs at the ankles. The black boots that cover his feet look big and menacing despite his disposition.

Wiggling his eyebrows, you flip him the bird behind Devin’s back watching the bartender pretend to catch it and put it in his pocket making your eyes hit the back of your skull.

Choking on the foam from his beer from your sudden touch, he wipes his mouth bashful from his outburst. Eddie murmurs a “go easy on him tiger” when he gets you a refill, earning him your bratty tongue. 

*FocusonSteveFocusonSteveFocusonSteve*

The bouncer looks pointedly at the man beside you, sizing him up, smile stretching wider when he assesses his threat. Leaning against the wall, he crosses his arms across his chest so the sleeves of his shirt look like they are being pushed to their limits as the muscles in his biceps flex. Hips pushed out in a way that’s daring you to look below his waist, he throws you a wink with a snap of his gum.

“You better be.” He winks, letting the blunt ends of his nails scratch along your back before adding salt to Devin’s wound, “And you know where to find me if that changes.” 

Yo. Yo yo yo yo.

There’s a knowing smirk that plays on the edges of his mouth, biting his lip he finally tears his eyes away from you to give a head nod to the date you’d forgotten about for the second time tonight. Steve tosses him a wink too, a gesture that makes Devin’s jaw clench.

Yoo, hold up hold up I am so turned on I hate how cocky he is and I hate even more how much this is working.

“I’m on a date, Steve.” Even though you know it’s a weak comeback at this point, you still give it and he doesn’t miss a beat.

“Where? I don’t see him.”

YOOOO.

You lean in slowly, your hand moving further up his thigh watching the way his chest starts to rise and fall from it. Stretching the cotton of his shirt with every breath. The fingers that had been exploring the top of your skirt start a path up to the bottom of your top. A low hum coming from under his breath when the sweetness of your body lotion hits his nose. 

His eyes shut when your faces get close enough that he feels like he can taste the strawberry that he wants so bad.  

“I’m really going to need you to watch your mouth champ. No need to call girls names. You’re a big boy.” Steve’s tone is condescending as he squares up, making sure you’re behind him.

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE DEVIN YOU ASS

"...We’ll keep it that way for the night and we can check on it in the morning.” The words leave your mouth before you can stop them and he catches the slip up instantly.

“Oh? You need to keep me overnight for observations?” 

“Yeah, you see, this girl hit me with a door earlier. Knocked me clean off my stool.” He makes the motion of him falling with a swipe of his hand, “ and I haven’t been the same since if I’m being completely honest.”

“What do you think, huh?” His question comes out quiet, the playful edge gone while both his hands find the back of your legs. Rough fingertips run up your calves, catching the bottom of your skirt as they go, “Are you gonna keep me baby?”

YES. THE ANSWER IS YES.

It’s soft at first, both of you moving slow as you figure out what the other likes, careful not to hurt his jaw. One of his hands finds its way back to your cheek, the pad of his thumb rubbing the length of the bone while his tongue begs you to open up. He traces the top of your lip, shuddering at the taste of the strawberry and it makes him wonder if your skin tastes like the coconut he smells. 

“Let me take you to bed, let me take care of you,” he’s panting, his hold on you tightening so you can feel just how bad he needs this.

TUMBLR IS A BITCH SO PLEASE SEE PART 2 OF MY REBLOG FOR ALL MY SMUT REACTIONS 😈

bouncer!steve x fem!reader steve’s night.

🎵 I finally found someone that can make me laugh, hahaha you so crazy, I think I wanna have your baby.🎵

summary: You’ve got a crush on the new bouncer at The Foxy Lounge. Turns out he’s not very good at his job.

word count: 13.6k

warnings: 18 + 90’s AU// Steve is in his early 30’s, Your date gets drunk and says some night nice things, some mild violence (bar fights), possessive steve, fingering, smut (p in v) cream pie, ass eating (f! receiving), oral (f! receiving), dirty talk.

authors note: It’s finally here! Part two of Whatta man! Steve’s night. You don’t have to read Eddie’s Night to read this one, I just think it’s more fun if you do 😉 There’s LOTS of bartender!eddie in this fic if you miss him though. (he’s your bff) This part has been a long time coming (since march lol) and I’m so happy to finally share this with you. Thank you to all of my friends who have had to listen to me talk about this for months and all of you guys who have sent me asks about our favorite boys at the foxy lounge! I wouldn’t of been able to do this with out your endless support, and excitement for this little world. Thank you, ily forever 💗

The perks of moving into the apartment that presides above The Foxy Lounge were vast for a single girl like yourself, but the perks of becoming friends with the bartender that worked there seemed to make them endless. 

Memorized orders and free drinks when he was feeling nice (which he almost always was), he wore the crown of wingman of the century with pride, Eddie always made sure you had a good time. It was days like today that were your favorite though, heading home from a shitty morning shift at work, you weren’t surprised when you tugged on the front door an hour before open and it wasn’t locked. The annoyed look on his face told you he wasn’t either. An irritated groan leaves his chest at the carelessness of the owner and your landlord before popping the caps off two beers with ease. The loud clink of metal to glass echoes in the empty bar, as he flips his bottle opener between his fingers like muscle memory stuffing it in his back pocket.

“He’s gonna get us robbed one day, and I’m just gonna take my favorite bottle for damages and let them have the rest at this point.” His smile shows the lack of truth behind his words when you sit in the stool in front of him.

“Lucky for the both of you, it’s always just me.”  Winking when you take a swig, the bitter liquid and the company eases the bad day out of your bones almost instantly.

The beginnings of a relaxed sigh start to push past your lips when the jarring sound of his rings slapping against the wood of the bar to the tune of a drum roll has you tense right back up. You’re unable to stop the slam of your beer before deadpanning, “you know I hate when you do that-“

“My best buddy Steve starts tomorrow night, I finally got Rick to say yes.” Eddie’s excitement has him vibrating when he cuts you off to tell you the news of the latest Foxy Lounge employee. “You’re gonna have such a crush on him. I’m calling it now.” The smirk on his face and the arch of his brow dare you to challenge him as he leans forward into your space.

Rolling your eyes with a snort, you start picking at the white sticker wrapped around the bottle. 

“As if you know my type, Munson.” You can’t control the twitch of your lips the second the words leave your mouth when you finally dare to meet his amused gaze.

Eddie knew your type better than anyone else. Watching the men and sometimes women you’d bring upstairs weekend after weekend. He had you pegged and the Cheshire smile on his face told you he knew it too.

“I can hear it now.” He changes the pitch of his voice so it sounds like a bad version of yours before he continues with an exaggerated batting of his lashes, “Oh Eddie, Steve is just so dreamy. Do you think he thinks I’m cute? Will you talk to him? Come on Eddie!”

“I do NOT talk like that, asshole!” Launching a handful of bar nuts at him, he raises his hands in mock surrender shaking out the few that got stuck in his hair with a booming laugh.

“I don’t think that's a nice way to treat the guy who not only didn’t kick you out but also gave you a free beer before we opened, sweetheart.” His dimpled grin and perfect smile almost has your stomach in butterflies.

“I basically live here, besides your boss is the one who left the door unlocked. Maybe it’s a good thing you’re upping your security around here,” you tease, gulping down the rest of the beer before sliding the empty bottle over. 

“We’ll see about this Steve guy you won’t shut up about, who knows Eddie, maybe it’s you who’s got a crush.” 

Sweeping up the mess you made behind his bar he smirks before wiggling his brows.

“Everyone’s got a crush on Steve, baby.”

The pink fluorescent lights of the Foxy Lounge sign that hangs outside your window paints your studio in a blush tinted glow. It bleeds through the sheer floor length curtains, softening its harshness in a way that you liked. The darkness outside always makes it shine brightest around this time, a constant fight with your overhead lamp before bed. Your eyes catch the glaring red numbers on your clear digital clock reading 8:45pm.

Shit. You’re late.

No Doubt’s I’m Just A Girl plays loud enough through your boom box speakers to drown out the murmurs of the bar downstairs that spill through the slight crack in your bedroom window. You finish the last touch ups to the bubble gum colored gloss that coats your lips, smacking them together loudly. You give yourself a sweet smile in the mirror before fluttering your lashes for good measure. The finishing touch.

Finally feeling ready enough to leave, you adjust the black velvet choker around your neck with lavender painted nails. They highlight the lime green tube top that wraps around your chest as you pull at your black maxi skirt that sits above your hips hugging your curves just right.

You give yourself one last once over while you slip on your clunky Steve Madden slides, telling yourself the whole time you didn’t get all done up for the new bouncer. Instead you tell yourself it’s because you want to get lucky with the guy that invited you to get last minute drinks conveniently at the bar you above.

Turning around to give your studio apartment the safety check, you shuffle over your baby blue carpet with loud clacks from your sandals to hurriedly straighten your pink comforter and snuff out your incense. Grabbing your bag, you rush out with a flip of the light switch, only getting two steps away before having to pop back in to grab your keys hanging by the door.

The platforms on your slides are heavy as you make your way down the staircase, the narrow hallway bouncing your steps off the walls despite the cushion of the ugly brown carpet. One hand on the banister and the other dragging along the wall for balance, you pick up your pace barreling towards the door. Pushing it open with more force than normal, you hit something on the other side, hard.

An oof and the sound of plastic skidding across the sidewalk is followed by the crash of a stool that must’ve belonged to whoever was sitting on it. Stepping onto the pavement with a clack from your sandals, you stop in your tracks when you see his broad shoulders first. Bent over, you watch him collect what looks like an orange Tamagotchi, stuffing it quickly in his back pocket before brushing the dust off his dark denim clad thighs. The way he fills his jeans has your mouth dry up and his muscles flex under the black cotton shirt that wraps tight around his torso, the seams barely containing what’s underneath. Turning around he runs a big hand through his honey colored locks that stop just below his ears, pushing the fly aways from his face while the shine of the street lamp highlights his cheekbones and sharp jaw.

God you hated when Eddie was right.

Hazel eyes rake over your form while yours follow the freckles that run along his neck that lead to small moles placed like a cluster of stars along his jaw. His chiseled nose runs down a narrow line with lips tinged pink like his cheeks. The expression on his face going from irritated to flirty in a matter of seconds flat, the whites of his teeth showing when he gives you an easy smile.

“I’m - oh my god, I’m so sorry. I’m running late and no one is ever sitting there and I - Are you okay?” Talking a mile a minute, you hate that he has your nerves getting the best of you.  

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Raising his hands up to stop you, the press of your thighs is instant when you see the silver band wrapped around the thickness of his middle finger. “No apologies necessary, it was an accident, honey.”

The endearment leaves his mouth while his lips turn his smile crooked, and it makes you dizzy. Bending down to grab the stool off the ground, a matching chain slips out from under his shirt and the glow above gives you a glimpse at the patch of thick chest hair hidden from sight.

“Besides, it’s not the first time a pretty girl has knocked me on my ass.” Folding his arms across his pecs, he leans against the brick of the bar crossing his legs at the ankles. The black boots that cover his feet look big and menacing despite his disposition.

Biting your bottom lip into a smile, you look up at him through shy lashes and you swear you hear him sigh at the sight.

“Well as long as you’re okay-“

“Steve,” he offers his name with a flash of his teeth again, a spark lighting in his eyes when he sees the way you react to it.

“Well you’ll probably see my face around here a lot,” you say, doing your best to ignore the way your cheeks burn.

“I sure hope so.” Pulling a toothpick out of his back pocket, he slides it between his lips. Jaw clenching when he bites down on the wood while his eyes roam your curves again before offering you another grin.

It makes you do one thing a man has never made you genuinely do. You giggle. Tucking your hair behind your ear, you hardly recognize yourself anymore.

“I was gonna say, 'cause I live upstairs.” Your voice is sweet despite the roll of your eyes, his jaw clenches against the wood. He liked that.

He only breaks his stare to follow the path of your finger, his eyes lingering on your open window for a second before bringing all his attention back on you. The tension grows even thicker when he kicks off the wall, realization hitting him. The soles of his boots are loud against the pavement when he closes the distance between you with two long strides. Getting close enough to smell the cinnamon on his breath, and the expensive cologne that lingers on his bronzed skin, you forget all about your date waiting for you inside. 

“Eddie’s told me all about you.” Using the tip of his tongue, he pushes the toothpick to the other side of his mouth, his smirk telling you all you need to know.

“That’s funny, Eddie’s told me about you too,” you lick your lips, tasting the fruit of your gloss as you look up at him from under hooded shimmering lids, “Steve.”

He inches just a little closer to teeter on the edge of what’s appropriate before responding, “Oh yeah? Did you like what you heard baby?”

His smile is as sinful as it is blinding. A darkened gaze locked on yours as he pulls the tooth pick out his mouth letting the sharp end snag his bottom lip before stuffing it in his back pocket again.

The electricity in the air sparks and fizzes, standing close enough to see the freckles that line his nose and the specks of glitter smattered in a similar pattern on your cheeks. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Raising an eyebrow, your response has him sucking his teeth before rolling his tongue against the inside of his cheek accepting your answer with a nod of his head.

Pulling out a small red flashlight with a soft click of the button at the end, white light floods the dark. The beam roams over the expanse of your body with a purposeful path before stopping at his outstretched hand.

“I.D.?” Amusement evident in his voice, he wiggles his fingers at you keeping up with his charade. The motion daring to make a mess of your underwear.

You try to cover up your laugh with a fake scoff, making it come out loud enough for him to snort. Your lips twitch as you try to fight the losing battle with the smile threatening to break across your face. 

“What? I need to be careful here sweetheart. It’s my first night, I gotta make sure you’re really who you say you are, and not just some pretty girl trying to flirt her way inside.” He keeps the perfect poker face while he tuts at you to hurry up for the invisible line behind you.

“Would it have worked?” you ask handing him your driver’s license, wincing internally at the picture he is about to see.

Brushing his fingers against yours when he takes it for closer examination, he huffs out a laugh before looking down at you with a smug grin.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He winks like an expert before making a big show of bringing your ID close to his face like it might be a fake.

Tsking to himself as he reads it over, he peeks over at you with a sly smirk. “A whole year older than me. Good for you, I like older women.”

Closing the space that developed when you had to dig in your purse, you snatch the plastic out of his hand, relishing in the way his breath hitches because of it. “I’m shocked you can read Steve, Eddie’s taste can be a bit…shoddy.”

“I think I’m pretty good at it actually, I’m good at reading a lot of things.” Ignoring your jab he’s quick to regain his confidence. “Things like, I don’t know, body language.” The spice of the cinnamon returns when he pulls out his toothpick again. He flashes you his pearly whites when he bites down, keeping his eyes locked on yours, a silent dare to prove him wrong.

Like magnets finding each other, the toes of his boots brush against your sandals. When did he get this close again?

Mariah Carey’s Fantasy cuts off any witty response that sits on the tip of your tongue as the bar door creaks open, rudely snapping you both back to reality. A boy who looks barely above the legal age is the culprit for popping your bubble, stopping dead in his tracks when the flirting bouncer’s attention redirects itself to where it should be. You already miss it.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up, punk.” Grabbing the kid by the collar of his shirt, he mutters a ‘shit’ under his breath. 

You take a step back, your eyes meeting Eddie's from inside, the commotion catching his and a few other patrons' stares, including your date.

Oh yeah, you had a date.

“I’m gonna need to see some I.D.” Steve’s voice drops deeper after he clears his throat, if his tamagotchi didn’t beep right after, signaling it’s need to be fed it would’ve been more intimidating. Your own digital pet buried at the bottom of your bag probably doing the same, already reborn fresh this morning from forgetting it at home while at work the night before.

“Umm, you see, I left my wallet at home,” the kid starts to stammer, the metal of his braces showing when he gives the bouncer a nervous grin.

Almost forgetting he had an audience, Steve’s eyes meet yours, softening before that million dollar smile takes over his handsome face.

“You’re free to go in. You know where to come when you wanna talk about all those things you liked hearing about me.”

Your stomach flutters despite the roll of your eyes at his words and you're reminded crossing the threshold that you’re here to meet another man, already scolding yourself for not taking Eddie’s warning seriously.

“I bet you’d like that wouldn’t you, Steve?” You linger in the door frame, looking at him from over your shoulder, and it makes the corners of his eyes crinkle.

“You already know the answer to that, gorgeous.” His toothpick switches sides again before finally going back to doing his job, tugging the kid closer.

“I.D. or no entry dick head.”

Despite there being no line outside, the bar was pretty full. The low buzz of conversation before the drinks really start to hit filling the crowded space. Mariah finishes her last high note when your eyes connect with Eddie’s before meeting Devin’s. He’s dressed like Danny Tanner and it makes you cringe. Pushing up his wire frame glasses, he waves so eagerly the Salmon’s that cover his dress shirt look like they're swimming in the background rapids with the movements of his arm. He’s completely oblivious to Eddie mocking him behind his back, mouthing ‘DORK’ with a shit eating grin before finally attending to the girl with smeared makeup that had been desperately trying to get his attention from the other end of the bar.

You take a deep breath, readjusting the strap of your bag before you push your chin up making your way over. Determined to have a good time, you put on your best face, returning his wave with forced enthusiasm while Steve’s smile etches itself into your memory permanently.

Paula Abdul’s Vibeology starts pumping through the speakers around you, the sticky floor vibrating with the bass under your sandals as you sway your hips to the beat. He stands up when you approach his spot at the bar and you notice his button up is tucked into mustard colored corduroy slacks, and it makes you miss the tight fitting denim of the man outside even more. Shaking your head to try and get rid of all the thoughts swirling in your head about the guy you weren’t on a date with, you desperately try to match Devin’s excited energy when he opens his arms for a hug.

“I was starting to get worried you were standing me up.” He laughs nervously as you tuck yourself into his chest. Your eyes peek over his shoulder meeting Eddie’s again as he slides your favorite drink over (tequila and pineapple), and god you wish you hadn’t.

Wiggling his eyebrows, you flip him the bird behind Devin’s back watching the bartender pretend to catch it and put it in his pocket making your eyes hit the back of your skull.

“No, sorry, I just lost track of the time.” Not a total lie you leave out the fact that you forgot about him completely just a few minutes ago. Pulling away, you avoid his eyes, too scared they’ll give you away.

“All is forgiven, pretty lady.” He bows slightly, and you have to ignore the way Eddie snorts as he walks past with hands full of Miller Lite.

“You’re so sweet,” cringing at how fake your voice comes out but Devin doesn’t seem to notice as you both take your seats, knees barely touching between the space of the stools.

“Thanks for agreeing to drinks tonight, I’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while now. Just didn’t know, w-with office etiquette a-and all,” stuttering, his nerves get the best of him. He tries to hide it behind a sip of his beer.

“No, I’m, I’m glad you did,”you lie, your eyes flicking to the door one more time before grabbing your drink. An awkward silence settles between the two of you as you press your lips to the rim to slurp at the top to prevent any spill over.

God, you already want this to be over.

The conversation does get easier after your first drink, the flirting a little less forced as your hand finds its way to squeeze his thigh when you laugh at something he says that’s only half funny. Choking on the foam from his beer from your sudden touch, he wipes his mouth bashful from his outburst. Eddie murmurs a “go easy on him tiger” when he gets you a refill, earning him your bratty tongue. 

“So you transferred here last year from Portland, right Devin? What’s it like over there?” Resting your chin on your knuckles, you look up at him from under your lashes enjoying the way it makes his breath catch.

“It was- It was a lot different from here…”

Finally on your A game, you try not to pay attention when the front door opens behind your date. It’s to no avail when you catch his figure in your peripheral and you can’t fight it anymore. All the progress you’ve made going out the window when Steve makes his first reappearance since your arrival. 

Toothpick replaced with what looked like Big Red chewing gum, his hazel eyes scan the crowd before landing on you. The smirk that you’d been trying to forget tugs at the corners of his lips, and any luck that Devin might have had with you tonight disappears like that.

The bouncer looks pointedly at the man beside you, sizing him up, smile stretching wider when he assesses his threat. Leaning against the wall, he crosses his arms across his chest so the sleeves of his shirt look like they are being pushed to their limits as the muscles in his biceps flex. Hips pushed out in a way that’s daring you to look below his waist, he throws you a wink with a snap of his gum.

“...So yeah, that’s the long and short , it,” Devin finishes with a proud smile and you just nod, not catching a single word he said.

Steve’s stare is relentless, and your body responds to it without you having to even meet his gaze. His tongue swipes across his bottom lip, jaw clenching with every hard chew of his gum. Pushing himself off the wall, he starts a slow walk towards you. Big heavy steps bring him closer, every thud of his boots making your thighs clench, as you try desperately to stay concentrated.

Your date’s in the middle of another story that sounds like white noise, your lack of attention making him a babbling mess. He doesn’t notice the way Steve stops next to him first, giving him a once over from up close to make sure he wasn’t missing something from afar before coming up to you with the kind of smile that’s dripping with trouble.

“....So the logistics of it are kinda crazy when you think-“

“Just checking on my pretty new friend over here,” Steve cuts Devin off, not interested in anything but you. His large hand finds the small of your back, his palm almost big enough to cover the exposed skin between your skirt and top. It sends a shiver up your spine that the pad of his thumb soothes when it rubs circles over your sprouting goosebumps. “Having a good night, baby?”

The pet name falls so smoothly off his tongue that it takes Devin a minute to realize that it even left Steve’s mouth, a scowl souring his face when he sees the way your eyes glaze over looking up at the bouncer. 

“Yeah, I’m having a real nice time Steve.” Sucking your bottom lip between your teeth, he notices the subtle way you lean into his touch. Your body needy for more.

“You better be.” He winks, letting the blunt ends of his nails scratch along your back before adding salt to Devin’s wound, “And you know where to find me if that changes.” 

There’s a knowing smirk that plays on the edges of his mouth, biting his lip he finally tears his eyes away from you to give a head nod to the date you’d forgotten about for the second time tonight. Steve tosses him a wink too, a gesture that makes Devin’s jaw clench. Steve opens his mouth to say something that was sure to piss him off more, but he’s cut off by the sound of Eddie’s rings slamming hard on the bar behind you. 

“Dude! What the fuck are you doing inside? Do you know how many people have walked in without getting checked? It's PEAK hours!” The bartender's eyes are frantic, fingers running through his curls as he yells at his friend. “Quit flirting and go do your job. Also, is that a fucking kid man?”

Eddie points to the boy that the bouncer stopped earlier who was snooping around abandoned tables in search for leftovers he was definitely not of legal age for, Steve’s cheeks tint the color of your lipgloss when he looks at you with sheepish eyes. The confidence he was dripping with disappears into embarrassment while doing his best to ignore the smug look on your date’s face.

“Calm down man, it was three minutes! I’ll get rid of the fuckin’ kid. Again.” He rubs the back of his neck as he walks away, stalking towards the boy who looks like he’s seen a ghost. “Hey asshole! You must’ve grown eight years in twenty minutes for me to be seeing you here!” 

The boy raises his hands up in surrender slowly backing away, giving Steve an opportunity to turn around to toss you one last smile and wiggle his fingers at Devin before focusing on the high schooler who is already halfway out the door. The kid's walk turns into a run when Steve cracks his knuckles for show, following him out with long strides, disappearing back outside and out of sight.

You’re left with awkward silence between you and your date as Eddie stomps away muttering under his breath. Devin clears his throat, twirling his beer, the glass against the wood making a sound that starts to grate on your nerves. He’s daring you to look at him. The huff he exhales afterwards begs you to look. Your mind races with ideas of how to get out of this and when you dare to finally take a peek, he’s looking forward, emptying the last of his bottle.

“I’m gonna go smoke a cigarette!” You blurt out, grabbing your bag and leaving no time for a response. Your sandals clack as you power walk to the door. To Steve.

The summer night is sticky on your face when you step out of the bar, the sound of a girl’s sniffled “You’re right Steve” directing your stare to the bouncer you were looking for. Sitting on the very stool you knocked him off of, his big boots sit on the lowest footrest with his knees spread wide. Inviting. His eyes connect with yours, widening a bit when you smirk at him while getting yourself comfortable on the brick wall on the opposite side of the door. Digging your cigarettes out of your purse, you notice the girl next to him has mascara running down her cheeks that she only makes worse when she wipes them with the back of her hand. 

“You know Maryanne, it sounds like this isn’t the first time he’s done this to you. I think it’s time to kick him to the curb. You deserve better.” He speaks to her like they’ve been friends their whole lives and you have no idea how he’s learned so much about her in the few minutes he’s been outside. Crossing his arms as he leans back enough for the legs of the stool to pull up, he catches himself with his shoulders against the wall behind him. 

“He sounds like a chump if you ask me,”you chime in, lighting your cigarette. Steve’s smile shines under the pink luminescent sign above him when he hears your voice. The wooden legs of his stool smacking loud against the cement when he pushes off the wall.

She’s startled by your sudden appearance, not noticing when you came out - too lost in her own world. She gives you a weak smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes before she nods, tugging at her high pony and somehow making it higher. The sequined scrunchy in her hair catches the street light as she tries hyping herself up to return to whoever was making her cry inside.

“He is a chump, but most men are.” She sighs, her shoulders relaxing a little more as she calms down.

“You’ve got this honey, tell him to fuck off and go home with Lisa if that’s what he wants so bad,” Steve champions, patting her on the back, a new layer to Maryanne’s story being revealed. His eyes flick back to you as you take a drag, the mossy green going dark when he watches your cheeks hollow.

“Thanks for listening Steve, I’m gonna go back in now.” She wipes her nose one more time, before giving you a polite head nod.

“Have Eddie make you something sweet, and tell him it’s on me.” The bouncer winks, giving her the boost of confidence she needs before opening the door you just came out of. Monifah’s Touch It adds to the tension between Steve and you when it leaks out of the bar as she disappears inside. The bass thumps against the brick, leaving the song just muffled enough to be background noise when it closes behind her.

The air is heavier, thicker with something you both know is there. Playing hard to get, you don’t meet his gaze, despite feeling it over every curve and dip of your body. Inhaling another hit of nicotine, you lift your head up to exhale the smoke into the dark sky, extending your neck for him to see before you finally give in and chance a glance in his direction.

He looks far too handsome, smiling wide when you meet his eyes, all his perfectly white teeth baring themselves at you in a way that makes your legs shake.

“Missed me already baby?” His feet hit the sidewalk, his man spread somehow bigger this way as he scoots closer to the edge of the stool. 

“You’re not very good at your job, are you?” You grin, successfully dodging the answer he already knows as your head hits the side of the building. Tilting your chin in his direction with your lip tucked between your teeth, you catch his narrowed glare.

“Nice try sweetheart, I used to watch Road House, religiously. I learned from the best. I’m just distracted,” the buttery smoothness of his voice returns, the last of his sentence coming out in a purr.

“Distracted?” You quirk a brow, not giving into him just yet.

“Yes, very much so and I regret to inform you that it’s all your fault too.” He sticks his bottom lip out at you in a pout, earning the giggle he’d been trying to get again since he first heard it, even if it's accompanied by your pretty eyes rolling in the back of your head.

“I’m on a date, Steve.” Even though you know it’s a weak comeback at this point, you still give it and he doesn’t miss a beat.

“Where? I don’t see him.”

Your cheeks heat up at his observation so you take another drag of your half smoked cigarette to try and hide the way he’s affecting you.

“I’m supposed to be quittin’, but you’re makin’ it look too good, pretty girl. Let me have a puff?” His question is an invitation, making the first move to call your bluff, to get you closer.

“Is that why you seem to have a cinnamon addiction?” you tease, not surprised when you kick off the wall accepting it with a smirk and an exaggerated sway of your hips.

He licks his lips while his eyes roam the length of your body unashamed, one large hand raking through his hair when you stop close enough to smell the topic of discussion on his breath. 

“Could be addicted to worse,” he murmurs, not sure where to look having you between his legs like this. 

“It’s a Newport, S‘that okay, Steve?” you ask him from underneath flirting lashes. His breath hitching before a sly smirk spreads across his pink lips.  

“More than okay baby.” He leans closer, fingers wrapping around the plush curve of your hip to anchor you in place.

Tipping up on your toes, your hand comes down on his thigh making the muscle flex against your palm, your touch sending shocks through the rough denim while the other holds the gloss stained end up to his mouth. 

Steve holds your stare when his lips wrap around where yours just were. His nails dig half crescent moons into your exposed skin as his cheeks hollow out. You can feel your heartbeat between your legs, your brows meeting in the middle when he tugs you even closer before tilting his head up. The thick expanse of his neck on full display as he blows out his drag, adam's apple bobbing in the light making the moles dance across his skin. 

“The strawberry really sets it off.” He grins as his hand dares to slide down the top curve of your ass, making it his new home when you make no moves to get away from him.

“Thanks, it’s my favorite gloss.” You shrug, pretending to unphased by his teasing, but the mess in your panties would give you away if he could see.

“Maybe I could get a better taste,” his words are bold, but his free hand is bolder. Soft fingertips play with the top hem of your skirt, daring to dip under the fabric every once and awhile and he swears he hears you whimper.

“You want more?” Your voice comes out small, dripping in honey just for him. You know what he really wants, but he’s not gonna get it yet.

“God, if you’ll let me honey.” There’s a light squeeze on the dough of your ass, and it makes you flutter around nothing.

You lean in slowly, your hand moving further up his thigh watching the way his chest starts to rise and fall from it. Stretching the cotton of his shirt with every breath. The fingers that had been exploring the top of your skirt start a path up to the bottom of your top. A low hum coming from under his breath when the sweetness of your body lotion hits his nose. 

His eyes shut when your faces get close enough that he feels like he can taste the strawberry that he wants so bad. He doesn’t notice when you pull back at the last second to replace your kiss with another puff until your cigarette shoves past his puckered lips. 

When he opens them, he’s met with your giggles, a sound he wants on a loop. He pretends to glare, still taking the hit you were offering him, exhaling it through his nose like an angry bull. He opens his mouth to chastise you but the beeping of his digital pet interrupts his intimidating moment again.

“Gotta get that?” Your lips twitch while you try to contain your laugh, flicking the cigarette onto the street.

“Listen, my best friend got it for me. I thought it was incredibly stupid, and I definitely told her it was too.” The hand on your waist leaves to dig his Tamagotchi out of his front pocket. “But now I’m attached to the little guy.” 

The key chain sized toy lights up in his hand, as he starts to feed it with a press of a button.

“Mine died yesterday,” you admit and the laugh you’d been fighting off echoes loudly when he looks up at you horrified. 

“What? Do you have it with you now?”he questions as the small happy tune plays signaling that his pet is fully satisfied. 

“She’s somewhere in my bag, don’t worry she was reborn this morning,” your words don’t reassure him considering they seem to need food every thirty minutes and you haven’t pulled it out once since he’s met you.

“Sounds like you want her to die again to me.” Steve’s very real concern about your Tamagotchi has you smirking.

“They die so easily, you’re telling me yours hasn’t died?” 

Your jaw drops when he shakes his head ‘no’, a smugness taking over his handsome features.

“Steve, that’s like really hard to do.” You don’t know whether you should be impressed or roast him but when his hand grips at your ass one more time you decide it’s the first.

“Better give her to me for the night baby, I’ll keep her nice and healthy for my favorite girl.” Stuffing his back into his pocket, he holds his palm open for you in a vow to keep your digital pet alive and an excuse to see you later.

Rolling your eyes playfully, you obey his wishes. Digging to the bottom of your bag till you find your purple one. The screen already going off, and the muffled beeping that signaled the need for it to be fed finally becomes loud enough to hear.

“See! I told you. On the cusp of death already.” 

You drop it in his hand, right as an older trucker comes barreling out of the bar reminding you where you’re at and that Devin is still waiting inside. Again.

“Fuck, I should go back in.” You sigh as your fingers play with the seam on the leg of his jeans.

“Go back in and tell that guy to get lost,” the bouncer almost whines, his grip on your hip tightening before he lets you go.

“Steve,” you huff but the smile on your face gives him hope.

“Just saying sweetheart, could be fun.” He shrugs, putting on an air of nonchalance while your Tamagotchi dangles from his thumb.

You both know who you really want to go home with tonight.

The bubble you and Steve are in pops as soon as you get back inside The sound of the distant cars on the freeway and Steve’s voice is replaced with Return of the Mack and the crowd that was at a simmer when you first got here is now at a full boil. 

You have to get rid of Devin.

He’s right where you left him, hunched over and twirling his beer bottle on top of the bar. You notice the three empty shot glasses before you see Eddie dropping off another one while giving you the kind of eyes that say ‘Come take care of your date’ as he walks away. Taking a deep breath, you make your way towards him going over all the ways you can let him down easy while your nerves drown out the little bit of guilt you had for ditching him.

“Heeeey,” your voice is high pitched, awkwardness dripping from its tone when you finally return to your stool next to him.

Crickets.

You freeze - he’s ignoring you. How can you get rid of him if he’s ignoring you? Your eyes shift around the bar nervously, offering an awkward tight lipped smile when anyone meets your stare. You search for Eddie again, hoping to silently ask for help but his back is to you, clearly putting the moves on a girl at the other end.

“Devin.” 

You hope that saying his name will elicit the desired response but that dwindles quickly when he chugs the rest of his beer, continuing his charade and keeping his gaze forward before slamming the empty bottle down.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he grumbles, irritation laced in every word before he pushes off the stool still not meeting your eyes.

You wait till he’s out of earshot before you let out a groan, your long disappearance clearly pissed him off. Propping yourself up by your elbows on the sticky bar, you close your eyes, rubbing your temples while you try to think of the right way to go about this. Eddie’s knowing chuckle is the last thing you want to hear but that’s just how the night is going now.

“You pretty little scoundrel!” He slaps the spot in front of you forcing your eyes open, his smile only widening when you glare at him.

“He’s so pissed and now thanks to you,” gesturing towards the empty shot glasses Eddie gets rid of with quick hands, you avoid the real reason, “He’s gonna be trashed!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa sweetheart. I’m not the one who can’t keep their hands off Stevie boy. And on a date too? Tsk tsk tsk.” He crosses his arms with a shake of his head, “Now you broke poor Derek’s -“

“Devin.”

“Whatever - fish guy’s heart. Aren’t you in a little predicament hmm?” Eddie hums the last part, but you can see the excited glint in his eyes. He loves watching your escapades.

“Listen,” you can’t help the giggle that bubbles past your strawberry lips under his knowing gaze, “When you told me he was hot Eddie, you didn’t tell me he was that hot.”

Smirking, you enjoy watching the way his face contorts knowing that was a damn lie.

“Are you kidding?” He throws his hands in the air, giving you the reaction you were baiting him for, “It was the first thing I told you.”

You laugh loudly at his exasperation with your antics, almost forgetting about Devin entirely for the third time tonight. 

“Have fun figuring out this little love triangle you’ve created, I need to get to the rest of the paying customers so I can get back to that hottie at the end of the bar.” He points to the girl he was talking to earlier who’s sipping a drink she looks surprised to even like.

“I bet you aren’t charging her for anything are you?” You narrow your eyes playfully, cackling when he rolls his waving you off as he walks away.

Sliding off the stool, you tug up your tube top, ready to give it to Devin straight, more than eager to get back outside again. 

“I knew the guys in the office said you were easy, but I didn’t think you’d be spreading your legs for anything that walked on our date.” Devin’s voice comes as a surprise, but the tight grip on your arm pulling you to him is an even bigger one.  

Searing rage fills every part of your body at the fact that he put his hands on you, palms flat on his chest, you use all your strength to shove him away. Shock paints his features, not expecting you to fight back so aggressively. All the drinks he’s had make him stumble back, losing his footing almost falling into the couple next to him.

“Well I’m sure as shit not spreading them for you!” you spit, looking him up and down with disgust before putting a finger in his face, “And your shirt? It’s fucking ugly.”

You give him one last once over before shaking your head and walking away. Heading back towards the entrance, you notice Steve inside again. A hard glare is set on his face, nostrils flaring as he zeros in on Devin behind you who’s still trying to regain his balance. 

God, it’s the hottest he’s looked all night. 

Steve’s hazel eyes meet yours and they instantly soften when you can’t help but smile as he opens the door for you.

“Thanks Stevie,” using Eddie’s nickname, you run your hands across his chest when you walk by, just to add salt to Devin’s wound.

The flush that paints his cheeks tells you how much he likes it.

“When I told you to ditch your date, I didn’t mean to fist fight him, honey,” he teases, following you outside, letting the chipped red door shut behind you and muffling the sounds of the bar again. 

“He got mad about my little disappearance before I could let him down easy.” Turning around, you bite your bottom lip to try to hide your growing smile.

“Poor guy.” Steve grins before taking the two steps to close the gap, to crowd your space. Cinnamon fanning across your face, “Never stood a chance.”

It’s harder for you to breathe when he looks at you like he wants to kiss you, but before you can respond, the door flies open.A drunk Devin stumbling out with a glare breaking you two apart.

“Of course, of FUCKING course. Not even two seconds later? You really are a slut, huh?” Devin seethes, stumbling out onto the sidewalk.

“I’m really going to need you to watch your mouth champ. No need to call girls names. You’re a big boy.” Steve’s tone is condescending as he squares up, making sure you’re behind him.

“You think you’re so fucking cool,” Devin scoffs before hiccuping, “Careful with this one, she’s probably sucked your buddy’s dick inside too.” 

“Yeah, that’s enough, asshole. Go home, before I have to beat some respect into that ugly skull of yours.” Steve cracks his knuckles again, but it doesn’t have the same effect as before, Devin only raising his eyebrows at the bouncer.

“Respect? That’s funny. The whore behind you hasn’t heard of it.”  

Steve loses his cool and like a flash he’s on him. Pulling his fist back Steve moves just a little too slow and Devin clocks him right in the jaw. The sound of bone against bone echoes loudly into the night. Stumbling back, Steve cradles where an ugly bruise will start forming in the morning, rubbing it out. He cracks his neck before barreling towards Devin, taking him down to the ground like a football player.

In a flurry of fists and cuss words, Devin somehow gets Steve pinned. The alcohol and anger flowing through his system turns him into The Hulk. Your screams for them to stop fall on deaf ears while they continue to roll around on the ground. Panic sets in when you realize neither man is going to stop. Doing the only thing you know how to do in these situations, you get Eddie.

Frantic, you open the door, ignoring the fact that  Third Eye Blind is playing at the exact worst time, you scream Eddie’s name loud enough to silence the bar.

“Eddie! It’s bad. Steve needs you!” 

He looks up from a clearly flirtatious conversation with the girl from before, both of their eyes landing on you as you get your friends attention. He grumbles, grabbing her hands saying something to her that makes her nod bashfully before jumping over the bar top. Jogging out the front, he towers easily over the two men, neither one of you bothering to check the red heads I.D. that walks in after you.

“The first fucking night man!” Eddie yells at Steve, grabbing Devin by the back of his shirt pulling him off the bouncer with ease, but not before Steve gets one more cheap shot in.

He wrestles against Eddie’s grip for a second before finally giving up with a hiccup, hocking a loogie in Steve’s direction.

“You done?” The bartender's face is unamused, as he waits for Devin to nod. “I never wanna see you or your shitty ass style at my bar again. Beat it bozo before I give you a matching black eye to go with the one Steve gave you.”

Two against one is too much for Devin to take on, so he raises his hands up in surrender when Eddie lets him go. Rolling his tongue against his cheek he shoots you one last glare before turning on his heel. Flipping everyone off as he starts down the sidewalk. Steve returns the gesture, spitting at his retreating form.

“You good?” Eddie asks, extending his hand for his friend to take.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good. Just hate that guy.” Steve mumbles, looking everywhere but at you while he straightens his shirt and dusts off his jeans with bloody knuckles.

“Your hand dude, I can’t have you bleeding all over people I.D’s. and I know Rick doesn’t have a first aid kit. At least I’ve never seen one.” Eddie rubs the back of his neck, stress coming in the form of knitted brows.

“I’ve got one,” you mumble, finally finding your voice and the bartender claps, wiping his hands clean of the situation.

“There, go play nurse with lover boy and get out of my hair tonight. I’m like this close,” he pinches two fingers together to show “to scoring and you both have been fucking it up every chance you can get. I swear to god.” 

Eddie waves you off as he makes his way back in, and you can feel the shift in energy between you and the bouncer you’ve been wanting all night.

Steve’s quiet the whole walk up the stairs to your apartment, fuming with anger and embarrassment, the confidence from before gone while the bruise on his jaw deepens and he cradles his bleeding knuckles.

“This is me,” you break the silence cringing, your voice amplified in the walls of the narrow hallway while you dig out your key.

“Thanks for this, angel,” his words come out in just above a whisper but at least it’s something.

The endearment has a smile creeping across your face and you finally dare to turn around to get a look at him after you hear the click of your lock. You press your back against your open door, it’s your turn to extend an invitation.

“Anytime Stevie.”

His face softens the minute he lays his eyes on you again, jealous of the way you bite your bottom lip sweetly, he wishes it was him. 

You let Steve into your world one heavy boot at a time, locking the door behind you. Watching the way his dimmed eyes brighten, curiosity winning over any leftover irritation. The ghost of a smirk twitches at the corners of his lips while he walks the small space of your studio taking everything in. The neon sign outside your window is the only light that illuminates it, shadows dancing off trinkets on shelves and pictures on walls, he was getting a glimpse of you. 

He stops in the middle of your room, right at the edge of your bed. The dark denim and leather that cover him are a stark contrast against your baby blue rug, but you think he looks like he belongs here. You watch the way he takes in your hastily made bed, licking his lips when he sees a pair of panties that didn’t quite make it in the laundry basket in the corner. The radio you’d forgotten to turn off plays a commercial, filling the space between you, and you aren’t prepared for when he puts his full attention back on you again after not having it for the past twenty minutes. Your body responds immediately to the playful glint in his eye.

“Cute place, for a cute girl.” He grins, running his good hand through his hair before he walks over to the window to take a look at your view.

“I bet you say that to all of em’,” you tease because it’s easier to do with his back to you. Making your way to the bathroom, nerves burst like butterflies in your stomach.

“You’re the only one baby.” 

His response is quick as he turns around, the flirting you’d grown accustomed to coming back like a raging storm. He watches your hips while you walk the short distance with a heavy stare that covers every part of you. Leaning against the door frame with your curves on full display, something shifts behind his eyes. Flipping the lightswitch, white beams break apart the pink, highlighting even more of you for him to drink in.

“Come on handsome, let’s get you patched up.”

His cheeks flush at the new nickname and it's his turn to bite his lip in a shy smile for you. 

It doesn’t take more than a few steps for his long legs, the wood creaking under his weight. Pressing your back to the frame, he stops in front of you with one foot over the threshold and the other still in your room. He takes up so much space. His biceps flex when he reaches for your hip, tugging you even closer, you can smell the menthol still lingering on his breath. On instinct your palm hits his chest, muscles dancing under heated skin as you tilt your chin up to meet his eyes. Squeezing at your softness before he speaks, he lets his middle finger dip under the top of your skirt.

“I really meant it when I said thank you back there. Just need you to know that.” His finger dares to dip lower, rubbing circles that make your back arch, hips pushing forward on a search for his. The curve of your stomach touches the cool metal of his belt buckle and the heat of his body sets fire between your thighs.

“I know you did,” your voice is sweet for him, the tone you know he likes while your hand moves down the dip between his pecs, “Thank you for sticking up for me.”

You can feel the coarse hair that starts at the top of his belly button where your hand stops, and you swear you feel him twitch in his pants. A second one of his fingers finds its way under your skirt and another subtle tug gets you even closer. So close that all you’d have to do is stand on your tiptoes for your lips to touch. 

“Anything for you, pretty girl,” he breathes, spice and tobacco taking over. His adam’s apple bobs when he catches the way you start staring at his lips, the gloss on your own shimmering in the new light.

“Anything?” Quirking your brow with a smirk, your innuendo makes him moan and his hold on you tighten.

“Absolutely.” Ducking his head lower so his nose brushes against the bridge of yours, he dares you to make the first move.

“In that case…” Pressing your toes down to push yourself up, the playful glint in your eye goes unnoticed by him.

Your lips are a ghost, his top one barely brushing against your bottom, it's enough for him to taste the strawberry he wanted more of outside but not enough to satisfy. His eyes flutter closed waiting to feel their full plushness but your words bring him back to reality.

“Sit on the toilet for me.”

The specks of emerald shine again when his eyes snap open to see you flat on your feet with a grin. Groaning loudly with fake irritation, he lets go of you in exasperated defeat, letting his head fall back and hit the wood of the frame.

“What? We came up here for my first aid kit, didn't we?” You giggle after you say it, you don’t mean it.

“Sure, sure, yeah, yeah.” Nodding, he runs a hand through his hair while he looks around your bathroom. 

It smells like your coconut body wash and it drives him crazy. He takes an unexpected step forward, his hand finding its way back to your hip to push you against the wall. One heavy boot between your wedged sandals, getting just close enough to kiss you. Is he going to?

It's your eyes that flutter closed this time, your fingers wrapping themselves around his belt loops again. He’s tentative with his injured hand when he uses it to cradle your jaw. His palm is soft as it covers half your neck, his thumb pushing up against your chin to tilt your face up to his. He runs the tip of his nose along your cheek and you feel your knees start to get weak, a whimper begging to fall from your parted lips.

“If that’s the only thing we’re here to do then we should get to it then, huh?” 

Just as quick as he invades your space, he leaves it. The porcelain of your toilet seat cover clunks loudly when he drops himself on it. Spread out like on the stool outside, he takes over the room, leaving you to catch your breath with a smug grin.

It’s a staring contest with narrowed eyes after that, but the twitch of your lips tells him you aren’t actually mad. He snorts when you clear your throat to regain your composure, purposely ignoring the obvious when you bend over to open the cabinet under the sink, pulling out the bright red zip up bag. 

“We need to wash your knuckles first, then I’ll put some ointment on them and wrap it up for you. We’ll keep it that way for the night and we can check on it in the morning.” The words leave your mouth before you can stop them and he catches the slip up instantly.

“Oh? You need to keep me overnight for observations?” 

You bite your lip to try and hide your smile, grabbing a washcloth running it under hot water instead of looking at him. 

“You know what I meant, I’ll come check on it tomorrow when you get to work.” You don’t even believe your lie, and the toothy smile you catch from the corner of your eye tells you he doesn’t either.

“But nurse, I don’t know. I think I should stay, I got hit in the face too. Concussions you know? I really shouldn’t be alone tonight.” He lays it on thick, eating up the way he sees you loving it spreading across your face when you ring out the soapy rag.

You don’t try to hide it when you finally face him, or when you settle between his legs for the second time tonight. The new position has him eye level with your chest, easier access to his lips. You hold your palm out for him, your hand disappearing completely when he drapes his wounded one over it.

“Concussion, huh? Are you feeling light headed Steve?” You play along giving your best impression of a medical professional.

He hisses when you press the damp cloth to his knuckles, sucking in air between his teeth when you start to clean. The soothing circles the pad of your thumb rubs on the side of his hand is almost enough to distract him from it.

“Yeah, but that started before I got hit.” 

You finally dare to meet his gaze, a flattered smile spreading wide across your face that you try to play down with a roll of your eyes.

“Hmmm,” you hum to yourself, deciding not to give in just yet as you switch from the rag to the ointment, getting the bandaging and medical tape out.

“I mean, you’re the professional honey. You tell me.” You feel his good hand tug at the bottom of your skirt while you smear the neosporin on his knuckles with a q-tip, his long fingers flexing at the cooling effect.

“It started before you got hit?” You question with a fake pensive expression, gently taking his palm in your hand to start the wrapping process. 

“Yeah, you see, this girl hit me with a door earlier. Knocked me clean off my stool.” He makes the motion of him falling with a swipe of his hand, “ and I haven’t been the same since if I’m being completely honest.”

It takes everything inside you to not give him the satisfaction of a laugh, the way you met coming back to the forefront of your mind.

“Some would argue putting your stool in front of the door like that is kinda stupid, but that's just my professional opinion.” Your shrug earns a loud laugh from him and you relish in it, promising yourself you’ll get him to do it again.

“All done.” You let go of his hand and he already misses you holding it, but the proud look on your face is a good distraction while you admire your handy work.

He holds it up, and you still can’t get over just how big they are. Curling his fingers in before extending them, he only winces slightly from the pain. The pressure of the bandage already helping. He jumps slightly when the backs of your fingers smooth over the fresh bruise forming on his jaw, the stubble tickling your skin. His eyes watch yours as they rake over the damage, the softness of your touch almost enough to make his eyelids heavy when you stroke the sore spot again.

“What do you think, huh?” His question comes out quiet, the playful edge gone while both his hands find the back of your legs. Rough fingertips run up your calves, catching the bottom of your skirt as they go, “Are you gonna keep me baby?”

A shiver runs up your spine when he hits the back of your thighs and you feel yourself getting pulled closer. He drags his nose up the bare skin of your sternum while his hands grab doughy handfuls just below the curve of your ass. The sound of your moan when his fingers get high enough to just barely graze the soaked material between your weakening legs sends him into overdrive. Growling, he nips at the tops of one of your breasts.

“Come on, tell me, what’s it gonna be?” Despite trying to sound confident, there’s a desperation in the way he asks. He knows you want it but he needs you to say it.

It’s when his fingers slip under the lace trim of your panties that you finally give in with a gentle grab of his chin. His eyes are black when they meet yours, the ends of his nails digging into soft skin. 

“Yeah, I’m gonna keep you.” You give into an urge you’ve had since you laid eyes on him, tangling your fingers in his hair as you spread yourself open for his hands to wander.

He doesn’t hold back anymore and you’re reminded of just how tall he actually is when he stands up. His actions are quick and with purpose, the strength you knew was behind those muscles showing itself when he lifts you onto the edge of the sink with your skirt rucked up to your hips. He man handles you in a way no one ever has and you feel it light a fire in your gut. Impatient for his next move, you grab the collar of his shirt while his hands spread wide over the tops of your thighs, your lips finally getting to do what they’ve wanted all night.

It’s soft at first, both of you moving slow as you figure out what the other likes, careful not to hurt his jaw. One of his hands finds its way back to your cheek, the pad of his thumb rubbing the length of the bone while his tongue begs you to open up. He traces the top of your lip, shuddering at the taste of the strawberry and it makes him wonder if your skin tastes like the coconut he smells. 

You give him the access he wants, your tongues meeting in the middle, making the fire that had been begging to consume you pour out from your fingertips that bury themselves into the roots at the nape of his neck. You need more. The hard length that has been fighting against the denim of his jeans presses hard into where you want his attention, your legs wrap around him - silently begging him to do it again.

One arm snakes around your lower back, holding you flush against his chest, the grind of his hips giving you the friction that makes you keen. A moan and a breathless “fuck” is what breaks your lips apart when his zipper catches your swollen clit with just the right amount of pressure. He uses his new found freedom to kiss down the length of your jaw, humming against your heated skin when you tilt your head to give him better access to all the sensitive places he can’t wait to discover. He sucks the soft spot behind your ear when you meet the next roll of his hips, your slides falling loudly off your feet to the tile floor.

“Steve,” his name comes out in a high pitch whine when he starts sucking a bruise in a place you know you’ll have to try and cover up for the next few days. He was marking you, and you could care less. You hold him there, encouraging more as his teeth graze your pulse point, a “baby” slipping past his lips when he finally pulls away.

He meets your eyes with flushed cheeks and messy hair and the kind of hunger that makes you melt.

“Let me take you to bed, let me take care of you,” he’s panting, his hold on you tightening so you can feel just how bad he needs this. A smirk spreads across his swollen lips when your hips shift in search for more, giving him the answer he needs along with the nod of your head.

Just as easy as he lifted you on the sink, he carries you to the bed, big hands cradling thick thighs before he lays you on your back. Your giggle fills the space in between heavy pants before TLC’s Creep starts playing over the speakers of the radio. His hands find their way to the bottom of his shirt, pulling it over his head and you watch an expanse of new freckles and moles get revealed to you. You want to kiss them all. They dot the spots next to the dark hair over his belly button while the thick thatch of chest hair you’d only gotten a glimpse of glistens with beads of sweat in the glow of the Foxy Lounge light. 

His jeans hang low enough for you to get a glimpse of the veins protruding from the V shape that leads to the part of him that’s sure to make you forget your own name. His grin is cocky when he recognizes the expression on your face. Grabbing your ankle, he pulls you closer to the edge of the bed. The bottom of your foot resting on the soft hair of his chest while long fingers hold you in place. He keeps his eyes trained on yours while he starts to trail wet kisses down the inside of your leg. The stubble covering his jaw scratching along his path in the best way. He stops when he gets to the soft skin of your knee, nipping playfully, he smirks at the squeal it earns him before he drops your leg in favor of curling his fingers under the top of your skirt.

You lift your hips for him without him having to ask, and the flash of his teeth is almost enough to blind you. He’s slick with his movements, taking your panties too. You hear his breath catch in his throat when he sees the effects all his teasing has on you. His fingers grip at your thighs before pulling your sticky skin apart with a lick of his lips.

“Look at you baby, all this for me?” The last part of his question comes out in a groan when he swipes the pad of his thumb against your bundle of nerves, kicking up in his jeans when your legs shake in response. “So sensitive too. Let me make her feel good, yeah?” 

He swipes his thumb against your clit again making your eyes shut tight and your hips buck.

“I need to hear you say it.” He keeps rubbing circles, applying just enough pressure for you to forget how to speak, “Come on, be a good girl for me.”

His other hand pulls down your tube top, breasts spilling out in the blush light for his eyes to devour. He groans at the sight, his other hand coming up to cup the soft flesh feeling the way your nipples pebble against the warmth of his palm.

“Steeeeve, please.” 

You’re whining for him and it makes his brows pinch together, feeling drunk off you. 

“God angel, you’re fuckin’ beautiful you know that?” He emphasizes his question with his hands, giving your sides a squeeze while his eyes roam every dip and curve of your body. “Turn around for me? I wanna see all of you.”

The look on his face makes you decide that you’ll never deny him anything he asks, giving him a nod, you run your hands up his arms, nails dragging across the light hair before you push yourself up to get on all fours.

You feel completely exposed to him like this, all the secret places of your body on full display. He’s quiet for a minute and it’s almost enough for your nerves to get the best of you until you feel his palm find the apple of your ass. Fingers digging into doughy flesh, a groan loud enough to drown out the music erupts deep from his chest.

“Baby, baby, babyyy,” he emphasizes the last endearment with another handful before pulling your cheeks apart to get a better look at your dripping cunt, “Prettiest pussy I’ve ever fuckin’ seen.”

Your hips wiggle at his words, your walls fluttering around nothing while the cool air from the overhead fan hits your heat, sending goosebumps dancing across your supple flesh. A dark chuckle leaves him when he sees how much power his words have over you. His knees hit the side of the mattress, one hand hooking around your hip while the other runs down the dip of your spine giving you a light push when he hits your shoulder blades until you're bent over for him.

“She likes when I talk to her, huh?” his voice is low, mesmerized when you start dripping on the bed for him and he’s barely touched you, “She likes when I call her pretty doesn’t she?”

The moan that leaves your mouth is pathetic and he wishes he could record it. 

“Playing hard to get all night, but look at you.” His good hand comes down hard enough on your ass for the fat to jiggle and you to fist handfuls of your comforter because of it, “Making such a filthy mess and I haven’t even put my mouth on you yet.”

His grip is rough when he tugs your hips, the outline of his dick pressing into you, the denim scratching against your clit in a way that has your eyes rolling in the back of your head. 

“Tell me how much you want my mouth baby, tell me how much you want me to make you cum.” He grinds against you again, only this time making sure to apply the kind of pressure that makes your back arch.

“Fuck - Steve, please I want it. I’ve wanted it all night. I’ve wanted it all night,” you're babbling as he circles his hips, fingers kneading your soft skin.

Satisfied with your answer he mumbles a “so good for me” as he pulls away he gives you another light slap to your ass - signaling for you to scoot up, your mattress dipping behind you when he gets on his knees. 

Big hands spread you apart, your forehead hits the comforter when you feel the heat of his breath against your slick folds. Your walls flutter, begging for his attention when his tongue runs a long stripe up your slit. He hums at the taste before he does it again, this time making sure to circle your clit before lapping up everything you were drenching him with like he was thirsty for it. 

“Oh my god,” you huff into your blankets, toes curling when he starts an assault against your bundle of nerves, the pointed tip of his nose pressing deeper into your entrance as he gets lost in the sounds he’s pulling from you.

His fingers stretch across the tiger stripes on your butt cheeks, pulling you even further apart to give him better access. The coil inside you already threatening to snap when he sucks hard on your clit. He lets it go with a loud pop, smirking to himself at the way he has your body shaking from overstimulation already.

“Taste so fuckin’ good. Strawberries, just like your lips.” He groans, inhaling your scent like a man starved, his good hand coming down on your cheek again only this time a little harder pulling out another broken moan from you.

“Can I taste all of you pretty girl?” 

There’s zero hesitation when you say ‘yes’, in fact it’s a little desperate. He could have whatever he wanted from you now. Not even sure what he means, your brain’s too fuzzy with lust to comprehend anything until you feel the tip of his tongue circle a place you’d never let anyone else go before.

“Holy shit - Steve.” The new sensation sends another wave arousal to your dripping core, a needy whine following it when he does it again.

“This okay?” He kisses the curve underneath the apple of your cheek, the softness of his voice comforting you while he checks in.

“God, it’s, it’s -“ He gives you another kitten lick and it makes your eyes roll in the back of your head, “It’s more than okay - Jesus Christ.”

Too lost in the feeling of him testing the tightness of you with his tongue, you aren’t expecting his thick finger to start circling the entrance he’d been neglecting, the one you need him to fill the most. Your silk walls welcome the intrusion with ease, the stretch only stinging a little when he pushes to the last knuckle while his tongue starts getting a little more bold. Your back arches when he groans against you, curling his finger to hit the spot only you’d ever been able to find with ease. He adds a second digit when you start bucking against his face, the new addition almost makes you run away. He tsks at you from buried between your butt cheeks, one large hand locking you in place when he starts feeling you get close.

“Give it to me,” he demands, coming up for air. Fingertips relentless against the spot that has you squelching loudly.

His mouth returns to the sensitive part of you, tongue circling your tightness in a way that has you finally snapping. Your walls constrict, wrapping around his fingers while your vision goes white. Your body freezes, the orgasm overwhelming your muscles with a violent shake, his name falling from your lips like it’s the only word you know. You feel him grin against you, the movements of his fingers only slowing down but never stopping, milking every last drop you give him.

“So good, so pretty when you cum baby,” he mumbles praises, his lips kissing anywhere they can reach while your body comes down from its first high. 

You feel his weight leave the mattress, hear the metal of his belt buckle clinking followed by the low thump of his jeans hitting the floor. You find enough strength to look over your shoulder and it’s enough to make you whimper. Steve’s big. Dark hair at the base, it’s thick and curved, the pretty pink tip leaking just for you. The long vein that runs up the side pulses when he gives it a couple of tugs before his knees hit the mattress again. 

His hands spread over your hips pulling you closer before he starts trailing kisses up your back, the silver of his chain making you shiver as it runs up your spine till his lips stop right at your ear.

“You ready for me?” 

Your eyes meet his and they’re pitch black, tucking your bottom lip between your teeth, you know yours looks the same when you give him a nod but you know that’s not going to be enough for him.

“Come on, you know what I need,” his tone is mocking as he grabs his cock at the base, swiping his head through your folds, smirking at the way you try to suck him in, your body greedy for him.

“Please, please, please, please.” 

All your self respect goes out the window when he pushes the tip in and you can’t stop repeating yourself. The stretch is already bigger than his two fingers and he wasn’t even half way in yet and for a brief moment you wonder if he’ll even fit. 

“Fuck - baby.”

He moans as he pushes further, sheathing himself half way and he feels the way it makes your legs shake. His hand sneaks around your waist to find your clit, slippery fingers rubbing circles to get you to open up more as he rolls his hips one more time bottoming out. He groans so loud you’re sure anyone who might be smoking outside of the bar can hear him. 

“Holy shiiiit, I’ve never had pussy like this.” He stills, adjusting to how tight you feel, and it’s his turn to babble as you constrict around him making him twitch -  dangerously close to cumming already.

“You feel so good Stevie,” you whine as you push back against him, taking his length even deeper, feeling every curve and ridge of him against your walls.

He pulls out half way before slamming back in and it makes him curse under his breath before he does it again, only harder.

“God, fuck- this is all mine now, yeah?” he mutters, an angry edge to his words when he thinks about Devin getting to do this. 

“Mmhmm,” your answer is automatic, no thoughts behind your eyes while his cock fills you in the way you fantasize about when you touch yourself. 

“That’s right baby, it’s mine. You’re mine.” 

His thrusts get aggressive as he gets closer to his release, your slick making it easy for him to slide almost completely out before pushing back in. The rough hair covering his pelvis rubbing your clit at the same time his tip reaches the same spot his fingers pulled your first orgasm from. 

“Shit, Steve, right there.”  Your jaw goes slack, eyes closing tight when he hits it again, your words spurring him on while he tries to re-grip his hold on your sweat-kissed skin.

“Yeah? you want more?” He makes sure to put all his attention where you want, slowing his hips just enough to hit it even harder. “I’ll give you more.”

Steve tilts his head to the side watching how you wrap around him, and the way he barely has to push back in, your greedy walls doing almost all the work when he finds the perfect pace that has you twisting the sheets.

He huffs out a cocky laugh and it makes you tighten in response, tears pricking the corners of your eyes.”Yeah, I know baby. I know. You gonna cum again for me?”

“Uh-huh,” you manage to get out with a nod but it’s not enough for him, he needs you loud enough for Devin to hear from across town.

The sound of skin slapping against skin drowns out the music, keeping his stamina up despite the twitch of his cock, he bends over, somehow getting deeper, the cool metal of his chain dragging across your back while one hand snakes under your waist. His fingers are unrelenting when they find their way to your puffy clit again, applying just enough pressure to get your legs to shake for him.

“I’m gonna ask again, are you gonna cum for me?” He keeps his voice even, but he knows he’s not gonna last much longer, especially not when your cheek hits the mattress and you meet his eyes looking like that.

“Yeah, god, yeah Steveee! Please, please, please.” You don’t even know what you’re begging for but it makes Steve’s resolve break. 

The moan he lets out is loud enough to echo off your wall, warmth flooding your insides as he cums hard enough to collapse against your back. It’s enough to send you over the edge for the second time. Your walls fluttering enough to make his nails dig crescent moons into your hips with a low “fuck” escaping him as you milk him for more with the sweetest chant of his name he’s ever heard.

“That’s it baby.” He coos lips placing sloppy kisses along the your shoulder blades when you collapse against the mattress, your bodies tangled in a way you don’t have the energy to leave quite yet.

The radio cuts out leaving just the sound of the two of you trying to catch your breath, you can faintly hear ‘Pony’ playing from the bar below but the sound of a car driving past quickly snuffs it out. You feel his nose nudge against your ear, a slow lazy smile creeping across your face when his lips brush your temple.

“I don’t think you have a concussion, but you better stay the night just in case.”

His laugh vibrates against your back, a toothy grin pressed to your skin.

“It’s always better to be safe than sorry,” he agrees. The response you somehow managed to conjure up gets lost on your tongue when both your long forgotten Tamagotchi’s go off in his abandoned pants in a matching tune you’d never heard before.

“Our babies need daddy, honey,” he groans, slowly lifting himself up on his elbows.

You roll your eyes with a snort as he trails kisses down your back only wincing slightly when he pulls himself out. Folding your arms under your head, you still can’t bring yourself to move, but the view of him naked and still semi hard while he holds the two digital pets in his hand with a confused expression isn’t one you really can turn away from.

“What?” Your curiosity is piqued when his eyes grow big.

“No fuckin’ way,” he mumbles more to himself than you, “I didn’t even know they could do this.”

“What??” The irritation is clear in your voice, the feeling of being left out turning you into a brat.

“Umm, I think they had babies… yep. Marty definitely got her pregnant.” The smile on his face gives away just how excited he actually is and you hate to admit that it’s contagious.

“Well we’re gonna have to figure out a child support plan I’m afraid. Daisy’s a free woman Steve.” The serious delivery makes him do a double take before he narrows his eyes.

“Child support? No, we're raising these kids together. So I’m gonna need you to care a little bit about keeping her alive. It's not just you here honey.” He tosses you the toy before jumping back on the bed pulling your body into his chest with ease, “I’m afraid you’re never getting rid of me.”

---

---

---

[a-deaddoll]

Home Sweet Home : CHAPTER 2 :

"Sad dinner"

(warning this chapter is more heavy then chapter 1, read my pinned posts for all the tw read with cautions. Take care of yourselves.)

It's been at least 5 days since I'm here, I think ?

And I already feel like weird shit is happening here...

For exemple, I hear k n o c k i n g at my entry d o o r.

So, I open, but there's nobody, nothing !

N o b o d yyyyyyyyyyyyy

So I leave, but it keeps knocking and ringing !

It can't be the neighbours ? They're calm...and... I haven't seen anyone else in this appartement

Ha, it would be funny if this was a horror movie

All those things make me think of a horror movie...But it's real.

I think it's...real.

I always had an InTeReStS for horror and the paranormal, the weird, the strange

The surreal, like something dosen't feel quite right...

It's something I would have found fun to live if it wasn't real...stuff that only happen in fiction

I always been treated

Like a freak

That's the type of things Nozomi like too

At least, I think I can count on her ?

As I hold my phone

Nozomi is typing...

“Wait... you think there is weird things happening in your house ?

LMAO let's call the Ghost bustiers”

“WHO DO YOU CALL ? GHOST BUSTERS”

Of course.

She dosen't believe me.

I don't blame her

Her and I are very different

She's extraverted and I'm introverted.

I didn't thought someone like her would even talk to me, but here I am.

This time I'm not sure she can help me.

I'll just ignore the door it's not that big of a deal

It's

L

U

N

C

H

Time

In my living room, there is the table with my chair

I bring my plate and sit.

If you ignore the door it's silent, the room is empty.

The walls are a plain pure white

The wooden floor is creaking

I shoudnlt be complaining I know

But I can't stop thinking

thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking thinking.

I don't wanna think about this no..

I don't want to think about this

My fucking memories

I wanna bash my skull against the walls

FUCKING STAB MYSELF WITH THAT GODDAMN SHARP SHINY KNIFE

...Memories flashing...

I'm thinking about the times where I still lived with my parents.

"Your father is probably coming back in a terrible mood so stay calm.”

"Ok..."

"Don't get angry, just stay calm eat and go to your room okay ? Just don't get angry and eat.”

"I know.”

Sometimes, my father come back home very late.

He's a very thirsty man.

My mother remind me to not get annoyed and to keep my calme

So I don't make things worse for everyone.

I HAVE TO STAY CALM I DON'T CARE

I'M USED TO THIS

I'M STRONG ENOUGH

I'M SO STRONG

T h e  s o u n d  o f  k e y s

o p e n i n g  a  d o o r

Clic clac.

Oh no. He's back.

I'm in my room.

Sitting on my bed.

A man with very poor balance entering the living room shouting

"Oooh the man is drunk ! He's drunk ! But nobody fucking cares why he's fucking drunk"

"Haru it's time to eat"

Yeah mom. I know.

I fuckingggggggg knooooooooooow.

Two adults sitting waiting for their teenager for dinner.

I sit in my chair

Sit in my chair

My chair I sit

"Why are you nervous ? You have no reason to be nervous you're not abused."

I am not nervous.

"Yes you are ! You are ! I notice.

You always make me look like I'm the bad guy"

[Silence. I would rather stay silent to not make things worse.]

"You want me dead"

"Why am I always the bad guy"

"I'm just trash for you and your mother"

"Alright that's enough stop saying stuff like that to her."

I just have to eat.

Eat and stay calm. It's always been like this.

Nothing will ever change.

"I know I'm just a burden for you...but if you want I can get rid of this burden for you..."

"It would relieve me you know"

NO NO NO NO NO NO.

....SHUT UP

SHUT THE FUCK UP......

SHUT UP

FUCK YOU FUCK OFF SHUT UP FUCKING SHUT UP SHUT UP

But there is nothing. Just me sitting in my living room alone.

There is nothing.

Nothing there is nothing there is

Hum I...

I don't know if I wanna eat anymore.

I don't feel so good.

I don't know if I'm hungry

I don't know how I feel

Maybe it would be better if I eat in my room ?

I don't fucking know

Ha.

If my father was here he would try to stop me from going in my room to eat in peace

He would force me.

Even if I cried. Even if I scream.

He woudn't let me go.

I leave the table I shoudnlt even be thinking about him.

I have other things to do...

I'll talk to Nozomi

It's gonna be boring alone.

Good thing is, I don't mind being alone

*You received a new message from "mom"

"I found a picture from when you where little, you grew up so fast"

"I want to sée you smile again liké that you know you can come back to us any time"

She really has to make things

so difficult for me.

Left on read.

I text Nozomi.

"Hi."

Nozomi is typing

"Hola bestie"

Haru is typing...

"You good ?"

Nozomi is typing

"Yeah how about you ?"

What am I supposed to tell her ?

“I suppose I'm fine”

Nozomi is typing

"What do you mean you suppose?"

"If you wanna talk I'm here"

I would rather have you really there with me...

"My mom sent me a pic from when I was a kid."

"Show it I wanna see what you looked like as a little brat"

"Ok."

"Haru what's that picture"

"It's a joke ?"

"What ? What's wrong with the picture the picture picture picture"

"It's...weird."

What is she saying it's just a picture

Oh fuck. What is this ? Why is it...

The picture of what was a little girl smiling was now a little girl grotesquely crying it was morbid.

"You got me Haru I got scared really funny"

What should I even say ? If I tell her it's a joke I'm lying

If I tell her the truth either she won't believe me

Or she'll be worried for me. I don't want that.

I can't.

Left on read.

Is it more fair if I don't say anything ?

And that goddam photo it's horrible.

I wasn't always happy back then

But at least

I was still innocent

I ignored a lot of things I would rather not have know

Even if I wasn't always happy I was still innocent people say, "it gets better" but, as I grew up, I had more reason to wanting to kill myself.

I don't wanna wait more years to "get better" I want my pain to stop NOW.

Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock

Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring

OH ENOUGH ! SHUT UP !

I walk thought the corridor

I stand in front of that goddam entry door

"Enough ! Stop ! JUST FUCKING GO AWAY ! LEAVE ME ALONE"

But again. There was nothing. Nobody.

So I left.

I shoudnlt get so angry... I have no reason to be angry...

I should distract myself instead

Being productive maybe will make me happy ?

She looks at her left arm covered in self harm scars.

“I don't know why I'm like this...why I do this...why I act like this... why I feel that way...why I think that way"

"I can draw something like that...clean my room"

Back into her room she daw her friend post something on social media.

“Hanging out with my friends ❤️"

Oh great. She has so much friends.

Good for her.

I don't understand why she bother talking to someone like me she has so much friends she dosen't need me she probably just had pity over the fucking loner of her class

She has friends, I should bé happy for her how can I think something like this about her ?

Why ? Why am I so horrible to someone who is so nice to me ?

I'm happy.

I'm happy for her.

*Haru is typing

"Wah that's great !"

Nozomi is typing

"Yeah it was cool"

*You got a New message from "dad"

"You could talk to me I'm sure you're talking behind my back you love your mother more then me"

"You gonna ignore me for how long ? You talk to your mother but not me."

At least I'm not like him.

I'll never be like him.

Ah.

I forgot.

The dishes.

I'm gonna have to clean up my mess.

As she goes back to the living room, she felt as if she was watched.

[amoralcrackpot]

There Goes My Nipples Again

The woman wearing very little strutted across the parking lot, and the stupid man walked into a closed door.

The door belonged to a charmingly inconvenient boutique located in a rather busy corner of a fictional town I've made up just now, the sort of place with people to eat, things to regret, and, I suppose, whatever else one might think to bother with in an otherwise unimportant backdrop. The man, meanwhile, belonged to - and was wanted by - nobody in particular, which, coincidentally, was the reason he was here in the first place.

"Sir?" a voice asked.

The stupid man looked up to find a strikingly acceptable young lady standing there in the doorway, looking at him in that way that seductively whispered, I wonder if he'll spend any money here. "Women," he concussed, attempting to remember at least one or two other words, and then forgetting to bother at all.

"Sir," the young lady replied, "Far be it from me to question any man's right to drink himself stupid in the middle of the day, but if you're going to do that sort of thing, I suggest you do so somewhere more appropriate, like a public library or a city council meeting."

"I was told," the man eventually spat out, "that I could find a woman here."

"I suppose you're technically correct," she replied. "But I'm not sure why you felt the need to bring my door into this."

After thinking really hard about it, something dislodged itself and the man started over. "Is this 'Bottom of the Barrel, We Get Paid, So You Get Laid?'"

"You've seen our ad."

"A friend of mine referred me. He suggested I come here to help with my..." he said, trailing off in that way one does when one desperately wishes to have the other character finish the first character's sentence.

"With your...?" she replied, bravely refusing to follow convention.

"Romance problem," he euphemism'd.

"Well, I'm not sure what you were told, but I'm afraid my door simply isn't interested."

The man huffed, hurting his tender wittle headums in the process. "This is ridiculous."

"I agree," she said, holding the door open. "Would you like to come inside and perhaps spend some money, then?"

And after an uncomfortable, protracted self-assurance that he would not, in fact, bash his skull against the shop door, the man stepped inside.

The shop was little more than a small, white room with bare walls. A mirror sat in one corner. A glass and metal pod hummed in another. It smelled of sweet peas and ozone. And all of it awash in the sort of harsh lighting usually reserved for the sort of overpriced, fast-fashion apparel stores that infest the corpse of every dead and dying shopping mall. 

"Tell me a bit about yourself, Mister..." the young lady started, trailing off in that way one does when needing to know someone's name.

"Customer."

"I'm sorry."

"Customer,” he repeated. “My name is Customer."

"Bit odd, isn't it?"

"It's the best I could come up with."

She nodded. "I'm sure it was, Mr. Customer. Now, let me know how I can do so, and I'll be absolutely frothy to rid you of some, most, or all of your money."

"I want a woman."

"I think you simpleton'd something about that, yes. But what sort of woman are you interested in?"

"Oh, you know the sort. Kind, loving..."

"Smart and beautiful?"

"If it's not too much trouble."

"Not at all. Quite a common request. Any particular aesthetic, make, or model?"

"No, no. I'll take whatever I can get. Just someone who loves me, is all."

"But also smart, kind..."

"And beautiful, yes."

"Of course. Anything else?"

Mr. Customer considered this. "It'd be nice if she shared my deep, intellectual, yet oddly erotic obsession with obscure indie folk music sold exclusively in coffee shops where everybody looks depressed.”

"I think I understand."

"Well, do you have one?"

"One what?"

"A woman. I came here for a woman."

"Mr. Customer, what we offer at 'Bottom of the Barrel, We Get Paid, So You Get Laid' is completely customizable design and printing of made-to-order, honey-glazed, hand-crafted artisanal friends, lovers, and assorted sexual playthings."

"You mean, you don't have any just laying around."

"Sir, again, if that's the sort of thing you're looking for, then I suggest you get into politics."

"No, no. I mean, you don't have any off-the-shelf, over-the-counter women in stock?"

"Custom orders only, I'm afraid"

"Shame."

"Yes, but I assure you our services are second to none."

"Well if you have no women in stock, what could you possibly offer?"

"Options, Mr. Customer. Options."

With a click of her heels and a wave of her hand, the lights dimmed and the walls flickered and came to life with images of women of all shapes, sizes, looks, and attires.

Mr. Customer looked about, confused but mostly angry. “How’d you do that?” 

"You see,” she said, completely ignoring Mr. Customer, “we've long discovered that while men such as yourself claim they're looking for a smart, beautiful, funny, beautifully smart, and funnily beautiful romantic partner, what you're actually looking for is a fictional surrogate to fill some contrived role in the utterly warped narrative of a poorly written love story that only exists in your head. The strong, independent femme fatale; the diminutive and submissive doll; or perhaps even a flirtatious lesbian whom only you can somehow magically convert into a heterosexual lifemate and plaything - whatever outlandish concept of a woman you can fathom, we can fabricate."

"This is insane."

She clicked her heels again and the lights raised once more. "I'm sorry, Mr. Customer. I didn't mean to offend."

"No, no. I'm not offended - that was an impressively accurate guess."

"We aim to please."

"This all sounds a little too good to be true. How can you possibly have such a roster of willing women simply waiting to tend to the imaginative whims of a lonely man?"

"I'm afraid I'm failing you, Mr. Customer. Perhaps a demonstration."

"Is there a charge?"

"Not at all. This is a free sample guaranteed to wash out with little more than soap and water."

"I don't follow."

"Well then, please do," she said, directing him over to the large glass and metal pod. In the pod was nothing but a comfortable chair with a towel on it. "In just a few moments, you'll perfectly understand what I mean."

Not sure where this was going, but eager for it to end, Mr. Customer once again did as he was instructed and sat himself down in the comfortable chair. "What's the towel for?"

"It helps us minimize the cleanup," she said.

"Cleanup?"

She waved her other hand in a different way and the pod door closed. Two-and-a-half minutes on high and one adorable little ding of a bell later, the door opened again.

"Well, what do you think?" the young lady asked. "We call this one the 'Manic-Pixie Dream Girl.' It's very popular."

Mr. Customer stepped out of the pod in a cloud of gas known to the state of California to possibly cause some kind of cancer, maybe, and seized on what he saw in the mirror. Meanwhile, a frighteningly accurate play-by-play of what he was seeing played over some speakers that were most definitely not anywhere to be found, along with a pleasant little tune.

"She was a breastuous bit of leggy sex dipped in the sticky, erotic honey of a needy man's dream," a man's voice started.

"What the hell?" the bit of leggy sex croaked.

The voice continued. "She played with her luxuriously unkempt hair, hastily tied up in a ponytail, and squeezed at the massive udders bolted to her chest, which were seemingly hoisted up by a series of cables and pulleys until they burst forth from her modest, low-cut, crease and crevice-hugging dress. All skewed slightly because of a pair of glasses now in her face."

"What the Hell have you done to me?" Mr. Customer jiggled and bounced.

"Do you know how a caterpillar becomes a butterfly?"

"What? No. Not at all."

"Well. It's a lot like that, but not."

"I meant, why have you made me a woman? I came here for a woman, not to be turned into one."

"Did you, Sir?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Are you sure that's what you came here for?"

"Concussion aside, I'm fairly certain that's what I eventually said, yes."

"If you were referred to us, then I'm sorry to say that your ideal woman likely doesn't exist. But that doesn't mean you can't make one who does."

The freshly baked bit of scrumptious tart screamed, but in the sense that he didn't.

The young lady sighed. "Women are more than a collection of traits to be picked and plucked and thrown together like some macabre masturbatory stew, Mr. Customer. Some might even consider them people, with internal lives of their own and everything. "

"Isn't that last bit true?" Mr. Customer groped and pawed.

"How should I know? I started this business so I didn't have to bother with all that nonsense."

"What, you don't mean..."

"That I devised a way to take myself and any other man, put them into a glass and metal pod, convert their physical body into an amorphous blob of malleable genetic material, and then reconstitute such a blob back into an ideal female physical specimen to suit their explicit, implicit, and exhibitionist desires, and all while keeping their male brains and identity fully intact? Yes, that's more or less the gist of it."

"Huh."

"I'll admit, it does seem like a long walk just to avoid having to compromise my unrealistic expectations for the sake of emotionally bonding with another living soul."

"Any complaints?"

"Not really, no. The men seem perfectly content with their new toys. And the women are happy to be rid of all the creepy little gremlins lurking about their ankles, waiting to catch a glimpse of something she never intended to show them in the first place."

"Well as much as I do love playing with these fantastic breasts, I can't help but feel this might be a little wrong."

"Of course it's wrong, Mr. Customer. There are those who spend their entire lives struggling to better themselves for the sake of finding love, or to become the woman they always knew they were on the inside. But here you and I are, men who have crafted a facade - a sexual fiction and image that exists solely to placate our uncouth, uninhibited animal urges at the expense of any tattered shred of respect for women."

"Sounds like that might upset a lot of women."

"Quite a few actually. But if any of my clients had the first clue about women, or what they thought about or felt, they wouldn't come to me, now would they?"

"Well, when you put it that way..."

"I did."

"Right. Well. I guess a test drive couldn't hurt."

"Wonderful! Would you like to wear this one out, then?"

"Actually,” he said, “do you have anything in a 'bisexual-open-to-a-threesome?'"

[moxi-koshki]

A sharp pain echoed across the woman's skull, bashing its way end to end in her cranium. There was a brief flash of light, one that pained her eyes and forehead worse than looking directly into the sun. The woman grimaced as the coppery taste of blood filled her mouth in a mix of saliva. Only after minutes could she will herself to open her eyes. Cracking them slightly she could see the outlines of stalagmites and bluish rock formations - all of which were shadowed by a bright opening at the far end of what she now realized was a cavern.

I don't want to die.

Darkness began to envelop her vision. The walls of the cavern began to reverberate slightly as though they were made of ocean waves. The light itself at the far end of the cave began to dim in a shadowy curtain that clouded around the peripherals of her eyes. The air she breathed agonized her extremely dry throat. It had a taste of mold and musk. All of her sensations of disgust were clouded in pain, however. She was going to die. Probably.

I don't want to die. Not here.

She stopped thinking about the pain for a moment, and lurched forward. Falling down a slight incline of what felt like melted lava given by how ribbed the stone was, as though it had "bubbled" over eons ago when it was molten. She rolled, like a crippled child attempting to have fun rolling down a green hill full of feathery grass. She did not find it fun. Especially when her ribs slammed into the base of stalagmite. She coughed.

I may die here.

Minutes later, through some haze of delirium and thunderous skull splitting pain that seemed to crack the bony perimeter along her forehead to her temples, she found she was getting closer to the light of the cave entrance. Her mangled hands with ripped off fingernails bled into her palms and onto her wrists. She didn't even realize her clawing to move toward the light had mangled her nails as so. In a moment she heard a voice, a bright, sparkling voice full of excitement.

"You know this is the way to heaven right?"

Svetlana looked to her-

Svetlana? That is my name?

Her eyes narrowed at the figure she just started to make out. It was a little frogman in a kind of tailored suit. Its giant green and hazel eyes stayed open as its tongue flicked its own eyes, first the left then the right. The creature seemed perfectly at ease in the presence of her immense suffering, of her blooded hands, face, and venously red eye whites. A feeling of angry frustration spewed flames up her throat from her gut.

Bastard. Stupid frog.

"Who is more stupid? The woman who races towards death or the frog who sits at ease with the idea of it?" The frog said without accent.

Shut up

She gritted her teeth, clenching them together and hearing a creaking as they pressed against the grooves of each other that had been created from grinding them so much. She focused back on the light, and started to crawl once more. Inch by inch. Pain by pain. The light was the only answer to the darkness she had found herself in. The pain was not avoidable, the light the only possible destination besides the darkness around her. There, at least in the light, she'd be able to witness something other than darkness.

Upon reaching the edge of the cave, the frog came to greet her. He paced up from her left side with a walking stick, it's wooding "tinking" created by each step he pounded the base of it into the rock beneath them.

"you are a stupid girl"

Yep. The stupidest.

"Who are you?"

A stupid girl apparently

The haze of pink light from a setting sun collided with her pale face and features. She bit her lower lip, then stopped immediately as the movement hurt exquisitely. She could not see the land before herself, the outside of the cave, for the frog blocked her vision.

"Who are you, really"

I'm Svetlana, the girl from the east, I come from the land just before the steepe

The frog lifted his cane and put it under her chin. With a small amount of force, he lifted her chin so she had to look into his giant, round, green and hazel bulges he called "eyes". From her position, the tiny foot tall frog looked like a giant from the tales of the northmen.

"What do you want? Girl from the east who came from the land just before the Steepe?"

I want.. I want water.

The frog removed his cane from beneath her chin, which fell down in short succession. Then, she felt a slight bonk on the top her head. To her surprise it did not hurt in the slightest.

"Water, no water. All water. Less water. Big water. Small water. Green water. Blue water. Water with red. Water that is full of the dead. Water that is black. Water that drips from a hat. There are many types of water to pick. But which water do you wish?"

The kind I can drink. Idiot.

"ok. So then. The water of life."

A moment passed, and she closed her eyes. When she opened them, the frog was gone as was her pain. She had somehow gotten on her back. A slight breeze played sweet music with the grass and leaves. The wind wouldve been visible, had she looked at the grass that it was flowing across. There were trees around her, flowing back and forth in a calm kind of serenade. Her pain was a bygone thing. Her finger nails were back. After she sat up, she looked before her and saw the trees, the lakes, the grass, the steepe. A calmness settled over herself and she got to her feet.

[poolboyservice]

i keep making psa after psa I know but this may be my last, if not one of my last few posts in the following days

My school has been horrid, I only have 4 days excluding this day to do anything and none of them are remotely near done

Every hour if not minute that passes makes me want to bash my skull against the wall because I know that's another precious moment of time slipping away from my hands.

My parents say they're proud of me, but we all know I am a fraud, and when it's too late they will hate me

So basically: I'm probably not going to post much to really try, but I don't think I'm gonna fucking make it I'm sorry

I'm really sorry, I really am