#i'm genuinely sorry to everyone

[rosesvioletshardy]

been a while.

Hi, it's been a while.

I want to start off by apologizing for just taking off like that and for what I have been posting (or in case lack therefore of) I understand what I said hurt people. Since then I have been in a mental institution for a couple of days (which you probably already knew before my break). My PCP prescribed me a higher dose (40mg) of my medication. I am still seeing my therapist and I am now also seeing a psychiatrist once every month. I am also on new medication for my anxiety, buspirone, which I take 5mg twice a day (though my anxiety does get really severe at points to the point of an anxiety but I don’t want to seem like I’m a junkie and going after medication, which I’m not). I have since also been laid off because I thought to put my safety first rather than care for the merchandise that was being stolen, but I have had a new job since August and enjoy it more than working in retail. I now work at an optometrist office as an optometric assistant where I not only schedule and make appointments, but I also pretest and bill as well. I enjoy it but sometimes I overthink especially when I make a mistake. Anyways, it does pay a lot better than my last job which does help.

I still don’t feel comfortable in fandoms I was in and I still feel uneasy about going back. I feel a lot more comfortable on twitter than I do on here especially with that fandom, and I’ll try to every now and then maybe reblog something or two. I just feel like the people won’t take me back and still feel very much uncomfortable and I understand that knowing that what I did was hurtful and wrong of me and, like I said, I was going through something that caused me to overthink to the point where I had multiple panic attacks and horrible thoughts that lead me into the mental institution. You can take this as an apology or you won’t, I understand either way. Like I said, I wasn’t thinking not then and looking back I deeply regret and wished and I didn’t overthink and just let it go at that time or just hopefully had someone to talk to that would listen and understand what was going on. I will continue with my side account for him seeing that I do still watch his filmography and I do still love him and is one of my favorite actors but for right now, I might just be mainly on twitter.

Some other life updates other than my anxiety and depression still being out of whack and uncontrollable no matter what I do, I am going to my first hockey game this Saturday in San Jose to see the shark vs the Avs which I’m still shocked about, my brother had gotten my tickets on my birthday as a present and I will try my best to get content from that day. I had also auctioned for TK's NHL debut jersey which I won and I also got a Nate reverse retro that was pretty affordable and cheap with really good quality just in time for my game so RIP my bank account then. 

But other than that I will try to be active as much as I can and maybe get into writing again but I’m still not sure about it because barely anyone reads or reblogs my stuff in general. As for hockey games, I will try to do my best and live blog but I work a 9-5 and I don’t get home until 6:30 pm at the latest so I will miss a lot of flyers, isles, and canes games unless they’re on the west coast and play at a reasonable time for me.

[egophiliac]

happy new year Ego!!! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your twst fanart and the tags are just an absolute pleasure to read! You are my greatest inspiration for my personal twst art and I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful masterpieces <333 if possible, may I ask what are some of your headcanons for the diasomnia family? If not for diasomnia then any other characters are fine as well!

thank you, and happy new year! 💚💜💚 that is amazing to hear; it's always a little bewildering but super flattering that other people like my silly little doodles so much!

I don't think I really have any really solid headcanons and also canon keeps validating me left and right (FLUFFY DOMESTIC DIAFAM IS REAL). mostly just kind of...impressions and general thoughts, if that makes sense! lately though I've been kind of obsessed with thinking about Lilia's hair, and specifically when/why he ended up cutting it. (l-look, we're bouncing around the timeline and I gotta make decisions about these things when I draw, it's relevant) (I mean I would probably be weirdly fixated on this anyway, but.)

I think I've settled on the idea that he kept it long until he went to NRC, partly because 1) I like drawing The Ponytail, and 2) I think he thought of NRC as a chance to reinvent himself a bit! he gets to go and be a wacky carefree teenager for a few years and have fun! (officially he's there to keep an eye on Son #1, but how much trouble could he get into, really.) so he gave himself a Cool Teen Haircut to go with his fresh new Cool Teen Persona!

also maybe he had some reflection on his hair's troubled past with three kids...

...and had to weigh his vanity versus the fact that he was going off to be around hundreds of kids on a daily basis, and. the choice suddenly seemed obvious.

[cspcrashing]

(WIP) 😓😓 can't leave them alone for two seconds or else they'll start practicing for their third wedding...

[chubbychiquita]

sorry i am constantly on here apologizing for being a mess, i need to do some major reorganizing of the way i "do business", need to reprioritize responding to people who send me money and making content that is hot and cool

!! and i am still seeing many ppl having trouble w LF payments!! there's a way to sort of get around it with a free trial and a cashapp payment but i will have to work w everyone individually

[tyttetardis]

Looks like David will be back as Macbeth tonight ❤️

[iliothermia]

Anons are off because I'm done with people lying in my inbox, insulting me, and just piling on. I am one person who is trying to deal with hatred from multiple sides but those sending these messages see themselves as just one person throwing in their opinion because you can't see the other 15 messages I get insulting me for the same thing. I feel like I've been clear about my stance and why I function how I do in my small space online. If you find issue with how I function then please just unfollow me and leave me alone. I'll be offline for a while but I appreciate everyone who's sent me caring messages and things to consider a lot. I'm genuinely disappointed though, that this all comes from me saying I love my Jewish community and I hope they're doing okay- My first message directed at supporting other Jews I've made, after months of reaffirming my care for Palestine. Stay safe yall.

[pseudophan]

have you seen bwagfeo

hard to miss

[isthatacalzone]

it's baffling to me the lengths to which people will try to frame anyone in iwtv as being better than anyone else. everyone who says they love each other is doing it poorly. Lestat apologised to Louis on that stage and it was real and it was also a performance. Armand feels genuine remorse for not saving Claudia, claims that he couldn't prevent it but we all know he could have. Louis loved Claudia and wanted the best for her, and she was a broken doll picked up and used to soothe his guilt. Even Claudia, who did love Louis, has a specific view of everything that happened to them, to her, that made her messy, that made her angry and awful at times. why would you flatten them? why would you take away what makes these emotions real and complicated?

[winteriron-trash]

rdj the (whitewashed) electric boogaloo

This is a reminder to everyone who's excited about RDJ's casting as Doctor Doom that this casting is whitewashing. Victor Von Doom is a Romani character and has been a Romani character since his introduction in the 1960s. (Fantastic Four Annual #2 [1964]) Not only that, but his Roma identity and the persecution he and his family faced due to it is integral to his character, it is what forms his identity. (Books of Doom by Ed Brubaker) Even if on the off chance this casting is meant to not be Victor but instead be some variant of Tony or whomever else becoming Doctor Doom, it is damaging to the character to rob him of that important cultural background. Doctor Doom does not exist without that history. Fans have been pushing hard to cast Doom as a Romani actor for years, especially since the MCU has whitewashed other Romani characters. (Wanda, Pietro, etc) This casting is not a celebration moment, it's fucking heartbreaking that the MCU repeatedly ignores the important and nuanced cultural backstories of characters.

I know I can't change anybody's mind on whether or not you want to be excited about RDJ's return to the MCU. But I do think at the very least you should be mad that the MCU is baiting us all and destroying nuanced and interesting characters for the sake of self-referential easter eggs and nostalgia bait. Because that's what it is. Feel how you'd like to feel about RDJ's return, but personally, this is soul-sucking. I had such a deep love for the MCU as a teenager, it was obviously something incredibly formative to me, especially Tony Stark. This isn't recreating what I fell in love with the MCU for. This is turning a well-planned and artistic storyline of adaptations into cheap cash grabs and fan service. Because, I think we're past the point of being able to call the MCU an adaptation of anything. They can use existing characters' names and powers, but to say they're being properly adapted is laughable.

This is not an adaptation of Doctor Doom. This is RDJ the Electric Boogaloo because Marvel's fear of losing the interest of dedicated MCU fans overrides their willingness to tell stories that are genuine to the characters. I don't know what there is to be excited about that. The MCU has lost its authenticity and aside from a few projects, feels heartless. Every movie is a copy of a copy. This announcement isn't something celebratory, it feels like a death knell of a cinematic universe that's so desperate to cling to relevancy it's resorting to nostalgia for a character/actor who hasn't even been dead for a decade. We're not getting anything new, we're just rinsing and repeating the same song and dance.

I get it. I love Tony Stark, his death destroyed me and I to this day, rue the ending he got in Endgame. It misunderstood his arc and it robbed him of a satisfying conclusion. But the solution to that isn't dragging the corpse out of the grave five years later to whitewash an existing character with rich and interesting nuance, just to forcibly tie his existence in the MCU to Tony. Whether he is a variant or not. Why would you want someone else's fave's legacy to be destroyed simply so your fave's legacy can go on? Hell, if we were really all so hellbent on the return of RDJ and/or Tony to the MCU, we have the multiverse for a reason. There were other ways to do it that didn't whitewash and ruin someone else. This just. Isn't something to be happy about.

[sunnydayaoe]

by the way

[ananxiousgenz]

okay now that I've had a night to sleep on it I just wanna take a minute and go absolutely buckwild over john doe in part 26 bc like. I was expecting the "I will not let you drown" line. I've seen the fanarts of it floating around, I knew that was coming. what actually fucking killed me was the second I realized john was reciting a robert frost poem to calm arthur down. and not just any robert frost poem, one that has been quoted over and over again, usually by arthur. that made me start SOBBING bc like.

this inhuman entity, who around 4-5 months prior, wanted arthur and the rest of humanity dead just because he had power and could kill them. learned so much from this broken mess of a man. learned about stories and poetry and music and mysteries and compassion and love and fell in love with all of it so deeply that it permanently changed who he is and how he sees humans and the world they live in. changed him so much that when he saw his friend crumbling under the weight of his own grief and guilt, chose to not only comfort him, but chose to comfort him with a poem. a fucking poem. when john has been so deeply invested in the stories and poems he's heard from arthur. he heard one that he liked enough to memorize and to keep close to his heart. and he chose to give it back again when his friend needed it most. to reach a hand out to arthur with a thing he loved and tell him he's heard. he's not alone. but he needs to keep going. most human action imaginable. do you think arthur ever recited that poem to john? to keep him calm when he got scared and lashed out? and that's how john learned it? and it brought him enough peace and comfort that he figured it would help arthur too??

literally the only equivalent I can come up with for this moment is something I saw once a long time ago. so my mom was sick. like really sick. normally she's a power-through-a-cold kind of person and she was laid out on the couch, so she wasn't doing great. and our dog, who was a lot younger then, knew something was wrong, and clearly wanted to make her feel better but didn't know how. so, she got her favorite toy, and gently shoved it into my mom's mouth. a kind of "I don't know how to make you feel better, so here's something I love and I hope it helps." it was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. and it wasn't that the bone itself helped, it was the act of giving it that made everyone feel a little bit better. and that is what happened here. it's not the thing that john gave, even though it is significant, it's the fact that he chose to give it.

nobody talk to me for the next 5 business days, I'm going absolutely insane

[carlyraejepsans]

i don't think I've ever enjoyed a birthday party with friends as much as today i am genuinely getting a bit teary eyed

[klutzytomb]

I never thought I'd say this, but there's no way I'm one of the only ones here that isn't chronically online. Right? Right??

[tinyfantasminha]

high pitched whimper

[melonteee]

The qrts on this are literally people getting mad and going "WOW way to MISS THE POINT" which, I agree with! But this is the same studio that made the opla, and this is the exact same thing they did to Luffy, by making Luffy care more about finding the grand line map than wanting adventure and a crew!

Tomorrow Studios is literally incapable of having a free flowing plot without an in your face exposition device. You can shorten down a story without removing natural elements of narrative or character. Both Luffy AND Aang's main personality of character is loving the adventure and the freedom of their lives. This studio is taking both of these go-with-the-flow characters and stripping them of their personality because... they're easier to write when they're put in a box, I guess?

I'm not sure why anyone is surprised at this point when Tomorrow Studios keeps doing this, but I suppose that's the difference when you use the original creator's name as a safety net for one and not the other!

Edit: my bad Tomorrow Studios is not actually making this one it's being developed by Rideback. Got my wires crossed due to the Netflix workers overlap. Either way, nice to see Netflix seems to be the rooted problem here, as it tends to be 😭

[bugsbenefit]

seeing a "Mike is completely oblivious to his feelings and doesn't know he's in love with Will" take float on my dash from the wild and... i'm sorry i hate this interpretations so much. everyone can see things differently, but Mike having no clue of his own feelings makes absolutely no sense with what we see on screen to me. none

if this is ranty ignore little old me, i just need to complain today lmao

not only does Mike pause to look at Will's lips multiple times, which you could maybe argue he just doesn't realize anymore (doubtful since it's not something he's always done, it only started in s3 which is less than a full year away from s4 canonically)

there's also the whole fact that nothing else of his s4 conflict would make sense anymore. if Mike didn't know he didn't love El, what was he worried about telling her then, that she wouldn't like the truth of? it can't be that he loves her because he knows she would like that. Mike has to consciously be aware of something he knows he should tell El, but can't, because he's scared of how she'll take it

the same also goes for the sbp scene where Mike looks back at Will, shocked or conflicted, because Will is pushing him to confess to El. the initial shock would be inappropriate if Mike was already planning to tell El he loved her anyways and had no idea he actually loved Will

it also means that Mike didn't intentionally lie during the monologue with is almost more egregious because we saw Mike talk to the other's about sending El to Pennhurst with 0 concerns. he didn't know El overheard that so it might be something he thinks El could believe. but he himself would remember that he didn't "fall in love with her that moment", saying otherwise just makes Mike look like the dumbest, most unaware character in the whole show by far. not even just the show, it would probably make him one of the most oblivious characters out of Any show i can think of right now actually

it would also make no sense why we're completely barred from Mike's inner feelings during the monologue. if Mike genuinely believed what he was saying we'd be allowed to know his thoughts, since they wouldn't spoil anything yet. but alas, not only does Finn keep his lips sealed, even the rough drafts from three years ago skip over his internal feelings or thoughts completely which is extremely unusual for an emotional monologue of this importance and magnitude

everything else aside, the idea that Mike would just. not realize. he's queer and in love with his best friend is kind of bizarre to me. it really plays into the fanon version of Mike who is inhumanly oblivious and stupid. because canon Mike is actually not that bad with feelings, he can articulate himself if he wants to and he can pick up on and explain complex emotions he himself feels all the way back in s1. saying that Mike is genuinely too oblivious to realize his feelings isn't at all in line with his canon characterization

and besides it not making sense for his character. it's also a nonsensical choice from a writers perspective. if Mike would genuinely be unaware of his feelings for Will and his queerness; Byler would be rushed. i'm excited for Byler as much as the next person but this would be a horrible way to go about it. because s5 would then need to include:

Mike realizing he's not in love with El

Mike realizing he's queer

Mike dealing with the consequences of being queer in the 80s/coming to terms with said queerness to the point he feels comfortable acting on it

Mike realizing he's in love with Will

Mike and El finally breaking up

Mike and Will confessing to each other and getting together

that is an absurd amount of things to cram into a single seasons and essentially a character 180 in 8ish episodes. and all these points also need space and time to breathe to sit well with the audience. having Mike realize he's not in love with El and realize he's in love with Will would need a significant pause in between to feel good for the audience, but there's only so much time left. that will feel rushed no matter how well you write it. if they just revealed Mike being queer and in love with Will to the audience while having him already be aware of it we'd skip steps 1-4 on this list. the audience getting new information and recontextualizing things that already happened takes significantly less time than having a character go through the realizations first hand since that takes more development time

at this point, there's no way to write Mike realizing he's queer from scratch well with only one season left. there just isn't. especially with the amount of plot we need to cover in s5, the action, and all the other characters that need solid endings. opening a whole new can of worms for Mike is counterproductive. last seasons close character arcs, they don't kick new one's up that would take forever to properly flesh out

the thing that just really bothers me about this whole, "Mike doesn't know yet, he's oblivious" narrative, besides making little sense from a writer's pov and directly contradicting his canon character. is also that most takes just read extremely belittling. because a lot of people who say this seem to be aware that there won't be time to properly explore Mike's character or feelings like this. and they're fine with it because Mike will just be "Will's boyfriend", and only Will needs to come to terms with his queerness, Mike doesn't need an arc. and it's weird. the idea that Mike will have his whole queer realization in s5 hinges on the fact that Mike's character isn't important enough to get a fully fleshed out arc/time to naturally move from point A to point B, and that he'll just go from one relationship to the next with no problems