#I have too much to get done rn anyway | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

iliothermia · 1 year ago

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Anons are off because I'm done with people lying in my inbox, insulting me, and just piling on. I am one person who is trying to deal with hatred from multiple sides but those sending these messages see themselves as just one person throwing in their opinion because you can't see the other 15 messages I get insulting me for the same thing. I feel like I've been clear about my stance and why I function how I do in my small space online. If you find issue with how I function then please just unfollow me and leave me alone. I'll be offline for a while but I appreciate everyone who's sent me caring messages and things to consider a lot. I'm genuinely disappointed though, that this all comes from me saying I love my Jewish community and I hope they're doing okay- My first message directed at supporting other Jews I've made, after months of reaffirming my care for Palestine. Stay safe yall.

#I have too much to get done rn anyway #I didn't get to do my shop update because things are late but at this point id rather take half my income for the month being gone over thi #I need to protect my stress related health issue still too. my wounds might have healed up but i need to make sure it doesnt flare up again #I'm genuinely sorry to anyone who my way of functioning isn't enough for. I can't be everyone's idol or hero or person they respect.#and i dont want to be any of that to anyone. im not some moral figure for others. im legit just a guy who draws personal art some people #ended up liking #anyway i need to stop looping on this. i hope everyone will have a good week.#jumblr

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13eyond13 · 1 year ago

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love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world

#im talking about griffith btw #guts i feel i get intuitively - maybe because i have some personality traits in common with him #and we get more about his life concretely told to us in canon. so he is a bit easier to pin down as a character and feel attached to for me #but whenever i was reading the manga i just kept wanting more insight about griffith's actions and feelings #like ok yeah its fun to have mysterious antagonists and suspense /tension etc but its also fun to feel like you deeply understand them too #and i felt like that was a bit missing from him for me in canon #so reading about him in analysis and fics is the most fun for me rn #he always felt kinda half unreal to me- which maybe was the point of him - but i wanted a bit more about his childhood or something?#and wished we had more stuff explicitly from his pov in the story to read or explanation about his transformation or wtv #and now he's so much more closed off to me even than he was in the golden age. i keep waiting for him to explain stuff and he does not #ANYWAYS all this rambling to say some people out there are very good at interpreting him and making his like. insecurities #more obvious to me bc i didnt really get that side of him from canon intuitively well #also im really enjoying reading the first few berserk fics ive read #there may not be a ton of them out there but there is def writing talent in the fandom #i'll share some recs once i'm done sifting through most of what's out there to read #also (not to tie everything back to death note but it IS my home fandom after all)#i feel griffith is obvs the more light-like character here and L maybe a bit guts-like? but unlike berserk in death note #light is the one you get to know best and L is the mysterious / unreal one you don't get a lot of concrete insight into #and in the DN fandom I can read the more mysterious character intuitively but had to warm up to the less mysterious one instead #and the mystery of L makes sense to me and doesnt bug me as much due to like - he HAS to hide a lot about himself or else he will die lol #so some similarities there but also some opposite feels as well #berserk spoilers #p

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bunnyboy-juice · 2 months ago

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awawawawawawa

#bunny rambles #i was “cleared” to go back to work yesterday but she told me i could use the rest of the time also if i wanted/needed #and im using it. but the little corporateanxietybot who lives in my head and tries to make me be a Good Worker[tm] is SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF #cause she thinks my boss/Dad is gonna scream at and hit her for being Lazy #this is a trauma post also um. didnt expect to name her rn but she's screaming and i cant scream back cause she sounds like alarms and those #scare crustywhitedog so i have to calm that one so i don't meltdown #my wife submitted the RTW date for me so like. its okay im actually taking the time and ik this is necessary also bc. it is clearly unwell #that its freaking out because it's gotten a more than a 2 day break for the first time in a year #ik corporateanxietybot has protected me in some ways but. i gotta kill her so bad. maybe H can help me reformat her somehow .....#i also hate her is the thing. she cant hear me rn bc she's just looping in circles alarming but anyway. i hate her. like Me. she's so #capitalismcorebootlicker and i hate that about her and i hate that she exists and i hate that she exists bc my dad raised me to be an #Employee instead of a person 🙃🙃🙃🙃#im not elaborating or explaining any of this. this is a diary entry now #i wish i could click her to kill her like the drones in hardcoded lmao it'd be so much easier. ik she like. lives in the work mode mask as #well which is also HARD bc if im not actively thinking Of work or At work she's nonexistent #but shes so LOUD 🙃🙃 like shut up. we're not gonna explode n die from taking an extra week off you're being dramatic our boss isnt Dad #like he LITERALLY isn't Dad. not even close. he's like the most docile man in the world come on ik they're around the same age and both hve #held authority over u but boss checking in wasnt a trap ur not ab to get caught doing wrong ur fiiiiIIIIIIINE #(also corporateanxietybot is not an adult. she's 15 and terrified but she integrated to my work mask which is the problem cause she makes me #a “phenomenal employee” and also makes me work myself sick when she is given the reigns. little devil on my shoulder except the capitalist #system we live under treats her as a positive thing so she gets positive reinforcement at work which only makes her more anxious 😭 i gotta #talk to H about this next Friday huh. also wow. parts work has made it a lot easier for me to acknowledge these behaviors so i can confront #them easier. weird. strange even. so many parts have gotten names this past month n im realizing also why its been so hard to process stuff #but it also has made me kinder to myself. anyway she turned off (her batteries are low since she's been home for a month too) so im gonna #clean myself up and get some food in me and then get some cleaning done

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which-qsmp-egg-would · 5 months ago

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Poll has to focus to not talk at mach speed

Tequilla has to focus to not talk super slowly

neither of them are bothered by the other's vocal quirks because they always compensate for the other

#I'm absolutely projecting rn #Growing up with my adhd making me hyperverbal I used to talk so fast that literally noone could understand me #I had to teach myself how to measure my voice and keep it at an even pace since the adults couldn't explain it to me in a way i understood #nowadays I don't have to think about it too much but sometimes my adderall makes that come back #anyways both Poll and TQ have volume control issues on either side of the spectrum #also its not exactly that TQ talks too slow its just his speech problems. he's got a stutter and drags out words sometimes #especially if they have multiple syllables. He can get stuck on them sometimes #i don't know the name for it but a friend in high school had it and it's based off of her #i don't quite know how to properly put it into writing tho so I don't know if it's apparent lol #okay I'm done now #not a poll #poll the egg #Tequilla the egg #captain's egg OCs #did you know that I love these kids

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inga-don-studio · 7 months ago

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And so ...

... it begins. 🎃

#🎃 Cryptid sighting #Spirit Halloween #Under lovely overcast skies :)#This one has actually been open for a little while but I was too busy to make the rather long bus trip #OMW to the one that's like ... a couple miles away? I don't know why they have two so close together but I'm not complaining #EDIT: the second one was playing Weird Science over the speakers so I’m choosing to consider that a good omen for the season to come #Didn’t find the specific things I was looking for but the season is young and I haven’t even been to Party City yet #Not that I can afford much of anything rn but ya’ know - gotta scout for the perfect zombie mask for a cosplay I have in mind #but that’ll have to wait to get worked on anyway until after the Headcrab zombie + Mangle puppet + maybe Xenrey? are done

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memorys-skyscraper · 3 months ago

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fuck the new year, everyone say happy birthday ichiban kasuga!!!!!

#rambles #yakuza liveblogging #my 2024 was pretty shit overall but im glad i spent much of it falling down the yakuza rabbithole #ive been in desperate need of a story-heavy series to sink my teeth into since my ffxiv fixation has cooled off #and yakuza perfectly fit the bill- got a hell of a lot of bang for my buck too #and while much of the fun of the yakuza games comes from the characters & drama & humor etc some of the themes hit home #y7 & y8's themes were particularly well-timed for me personally #'rock bottom doesnt have to be all bad' + 'as long as youre alive its never too late to change' are pretty poignant ideas for me rn #even more so now than when i first played them back in feb/march #as i just had a birthday that increased my age to a number that i dont much care to think about #but i just need to keep reminding myself that it literally does not matter how old i am #all i can do is try to become who i want to be in the present #i will always wish i'd done it sooner but that regret will only ever get worse the more i stall #and it isnt worth agonizing over the time i've wasted up until now because there's literally nothing i can do about it #anyway. my expectations are low but here's hoping 2025 isnt aggressively awful

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your--isgayrights · 9 months ago

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Outside of Lee Seolhwa and Lee Sookyung, do you have plans for any other character outside of Kim Dokja’s primary companions (like Gong Pildu or Han Doonghoon) for your soulmate fanfiction? Constellations like Persephone or Uriel or Sun Wukong probably wouldn’t make sense to exist in real life but maybe characters such as Han Myungoh/Han Dareum or Jang Hayoung could fit? If I recall correctly, Jang Hayoung in particular is the one responsible for the title of the fanfiction, right? I feel like she alongside the Unidentifiable Wall and the Fourth Wall would be so thematically appropriate but I couldn’t imagine how you would do it if at all. I also want to say that I’m impressed how you managed to seamlessly incorporate so many references to the original ORV into your work. It must have required you to reread and recheck the wiki.

Yess, I'm glad you asked this anon bc literally I just threw in a little reference to Han Doonghoon and Lee Sungkook in the 4.4 update and got worried people would think they had to remember the characters well to understand the surrounding plot point better than Kim Dokja does. But I think I should trust the reader a bit more lol.

Unfortunately my inclusion of Aileen and Jang Hayoung isn't going to be as big as the other kdjco members, but they're sort of already set up in the fic and have a role in chap 5. I think JHY doesn't appear directly bc to me the relationship between her and KDJ is harder to make 'real,' though I have some ideas depending on how much I decide to include in chap 5. In my plans 5 will have a gaming tourney featured, so other big 'wos players' may be referenced further there as well.

Of course like you mention the fic title and many of the chapter titles are coming directly from the mouth of Jang Hayoung, so in that way she is constantly being referenced, haha.

Han Myungoh and his daughter are referenced earlier in Chapter 4. It's sort of a drive by.

I do make use of the wiki (bless the editorsn🙏), though mostly just to check dates, numbers, and spellings of names. I like to think of myself as someone with a pretty decent memory tho, so a lot of the more specific story references are definitely just me pulling in stuff I remember from my novel read throughs. Like I might have to look at the wiki to remember Han Dareum's name, but I'll never forget Han Myungoh's entire Male Pregnancy that he had like that was a crazy random W to me on my first ORV read through I was like hello??? Also that being around when JHY was being confirmed trans haha. I think I was only out for like a year or so before reading orv so the little gender fucky moments really stuck out to me.

Sometimes rereading my old work I also remember things I forgot happened in ORV. I think part of the reason I'm struggling so much with chap 4 and onward is that now that the wall fic characters have sort of developed to where they are some of the scenes I had in mind are less 1 to 1 with the OG. For instance, I'm trying to rewrite a scene I have of YJH and KDJ having a rooftop chat that like parallels the one back before the seoul's strongest incarnation arc in the novel, but it's a bit difficult. At first I wanted to include a lot more of KDJ interacting with the rest of YJH's team, but the rooftop Scene makes more sense to put a cap on the themes explored in chap 4. But when I first wrote this scene it was less specifically addressing that theme, because it was in the outline of like right after I wrote chapter 1, so it was kind of just the OG ORV scene with the flavoring of my AU on top. A lot of the little things they do and say in the OG novel would have to be quite finagled to fit anymore, so reworking it is the big task rn.

Anyway I'm really appreciative of people like you who take note of these small details <3. it's kind of helping me remember and appreciate a lot of the parts of me that were behind a lot of Wall fic originally if that makes sense? I am like reintroducing myself to him and giving him a hug instead of running away cringing just because it's me lol.

#in games like 'thats not my neighbor' im able to memorize things about 'people'/characters maybe a bit easier than others?#like i dont have to check the ID numbers after a few rounds because i can just associate that with a face #so its sort of the same with novel characters #when i think of them its easy to remember their significant moments because i tend to picture them especially in my mind. so when the name #comes up i think of the imagined faces i had for them in the scenes they were in you know #which is why its easy to write all the little one on one sort of dialoguey scenes i do that reference the little details about those scenes #anyway i am rambling rn and maybe giving too much away? im about to go into a therapy session and hoping to plan out my week #so that i feel less stressed about packing but yesterday i had a cry sesh and orv reread that is making me want to write today #but the therapist might discourage me from that? we will see if much gets done i guess #im hoping she'll let me just turn the session into a packing schedule meeting #personal #ask #anonymous

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scalpelsister · 10 months ago

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what if i lost the will to live like. as a joke. what then.

#i am fine ftr im just. exhausted haha #NOT to overshare about my personal life too much but my dog is dying. my horse is being given back to his og owner this summer / fall.#my dads kicking me out in two years (in favor of his girlfriend and her kids bc he would rather live w them!!!)#his alcoholism is driving me crazy bc hes treating me like absolute shit and berating me constantly #and stealing from me 🙃#ive lost my healthcare benefits + now have to either raw dog therapy out of pocket or loose my therapist #a therapist that took me a year of being on a waiting list to get in w btw #and idk i just genuinely feel like a loser rn like. im a 23 year old unemployed fat virgin who plays video games all day like. 🧍#where is this going for me. what is the point of it all. in two years im going to be fucking homeless on top of all that #unless some miracle happens bc as is i am too disabled to work.#im just reaching a point where i deeply dont care anymore. whatever happens happens im done fighting it #and ik its the abandonment issues talking here but knowing my dad is planning on abandoning me. 👍#thats two for two on parents leaving me. my entire family has at this point so like truly i cant trust any relationship #like if my PARENTS find me that unbearable. and my best friend who knew me my entire life thought so. then truly every relationship #i ever have is on a fucking timer like. idk if any besties r reading this im sorry i promise this is in no way a dig at yall #bc you guys do really make me feel loved and secure in a way no one else has but. id be lying if i said i wasnt still scared #anyways enough oversharing #i really am fine and safe rn btw like. at minimum u guys r stuck w me until arc*ne season 2 comes out 😂#my post

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thoughtpeek · 4 months ago

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I'VE FINALLY FINISHED BROTHERSHIP IT WAS SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!

#clai speaks #spoilers in the tags probably #ahhh first of all i am still astounded the game exists at all. we all thought m&l was done forever but here it is!!!#the timing of me playing superstar saga and getting really into mario last year couldnt have been better #i mean i probably would have played brothership still even if mario hadnt become a main interest of mine like that. but anyway #absolutely stellar re-entry into the series it did not disappoint in the SLIGHTEST #i think i 100%'d it? only thing i didnt do was finish that last dyode dance sequence but like its fiiiine #took about 50 hours i didnt get a chance to check my final time. really surprised that the game went that long!#i dont think it was a bad thing at all though. the game mostly didnt feel like it was overstaying its welcome #i did think lottacoins and the lower level solitree went a tad too long and i didnt like them but only a little. they're still fine sections #surprised that i didnt even feel like the sidequests were a drag they were all alright!#character interactions were so good ofc. love the new cast!! starlow felt a bit flat which is a shame but she also didnt appear much so #the sidequest where she visits bowser and he calls her chippy!!!! made me so happy!!!!!#all the callbacks were so good i'm glad they can still do that. yelled out loud after finding the peasley reef #docking points for no dreambert reef however. jail worthy offence #on reclusa specifically i dont have a lot to say about his character he's just your typical evil for the sake of evil villain #but i have to say i Love his design. the really exaggerated facial expressions and that clown neck frill. really fun character actually!!#ahhh call me childish but i'm never a fan of endings where friends separate but i like to think the second uni-tree--#--will allow them to link back up once its grown and can generate more connectar to do it #cant say if its my favorite yet bc recency bias is still too fresh but its absolutely my second favorite m&l game at least!!#i havent played paper jam yet i wanted to play the original paper mario and spm first. but i always hear its bad so??#brothership is at least on par with dream team for me rn. absolutely stellar game #i hope this means we'll get more m&l someday! i've already left a very positive response on the survey they put out #anyway. now to decide what to play next because i have a MASSIVE backlog of games and i didnt think this would take this long BJDHJFHF #10/10!!!! please play brothership immediately

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the-way-astray · 1 year ago

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holding out hope . . . don’t act like it’s set in stone . . . it’s not . . . yet . . .

(much ranting in the tags)

#kotlc #yes this is about the POSSIBLE keefe short story collection or book or novella about his time in the forbidden cities emphasis on POSSIBLE #i can’t deal with anymore keefe content guys i can’t do it anymore there’s already too much #let me OUTTTTTTT shannon i just wanna be done with this series stop holding me hostage let me FREEEEE /hj #if it's keefe-centric and away from the main story why can’t she just release it AFTER the series is finished? like this is SOPHIE'S story #obviously with the baby and whatnot i’d be cool with her not releasing a book for another year but releasing extras IN PLACE of a REAL book #i don't understand /gen #if she has the energy to write a book why doesn't she just write the next one #it might not be that though that's just a possibility obviously i'm just curious #in the case that this extra is going to be released in the place of book ten this year it's like well. why doesn't she just do book ten #i wish i could say “i'm not a keefe hater but this is too much keefe content” but i am a keefe hater so #IT'S FINE IT MIGHT NOT BE THAT MAYBE WE'RE ALL SUPER WRONG AND SHANNON'S JUST HAVING A SILLY GOOFY TIME #also even if this IS a special announcement we could still get book ten news? along with the announcement? mayhaps?#manifesting book ten news along with the special announcement please shannon #sigh hoping praying manifesting anything not keefe #if it is a short story collection i cannot tell you how BADLY i want it to be the adults' backstories #like i'm rereading unlocked rn and grady edaline alden and della all have so many blank spots in their registry files???#an extra could fill those in . . . just saying . . .#also the ancients #the ancients are super interesting . . . just saying . . .#luzia's pyrokinetic friend! fallon and luzia's mom! fintan (possibly) throwing vespera in the dungeon! luzia and vespera light experiments!#fallon and the other two on the original council! bronte and fintan's relationship! fintan and luzia's relationship!#bronte working under fallon as an emissary! them going to meet the ogre king! luzia and orem's relationship! why orem doesn't like his mom!#so many possibilities . . . come on shannon . . . please . . .#give us this . . . just this . . . begging pleading imploring shannon to hear my prayers #throw a great gulon incident short story in there to keep the keefe stans happy and then get into the juicy stuff #anyway. if we manifest no keefe content there won't be keefe content <- lying #kotlc unraveled #unraveled #mine

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mossy-paws · 1 year ago

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my summer vacation is gonna be WILDDDDD this year oh my god. First I have 2 week and a half long vacations with my dad because my brother is getting married. THEN. I’m going on a cruise with my mom and THEN at the end of summer I’m getting knee surgery because apparently I have like 3 different somewhat serious conditions going on all at once IN 1 SINGLE KNEE what the HELL MAN 😭😭😭

anyways yeah art is probably gonna be slowing down a LOT over summer and I don’t think I’ll be able to participate in artfight this year. Maybe a little but if I do then I’m gonna be focusing on close friends only really LMFAO

#Yeah #so about my knee #APPARENTLY #i have a displaced kneecap. Joint dysplasia. AND hypertension caused by the displaced kneecap which means I’m gonna be needing knee surgery #Me when my genetics are FUCKED WAAAAAAAH #I’m also gonna be volunteering at a marine center for some extra service hours for school at the beginning of summer so yeah my summer #Is gonna have no room for art LMAOOOOO #I’ll try to do a good chunk of stuff though so :3!#I got a bunch of projects planned and I’ll probably slowly work on those as summer goes on #And artfight I’ll just have to find room through my vacations!#I shouldn’t be TOO inactive but I know I will be after I get surgery so yeah! I’m gonna get as much work done in advance so I’ll have stuff #To post throughout summer :3!#Anyways yeah was just feeling silly and wanted to talk I’m relatively okay and I’m not in too much pain rn as I just got my knee brace in s #Yall don’t gotta worry about me too much HEHEHE #Anyways thank you for coming to my ted talk I got a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow so bye bye :3 #Cro chatter

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des-fangirl · 3 months ago

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That scene in Electric Dreams when Edgar is learning to make sounds

#i dont have any normal pics of it and i wanna show it off rn!! look!!!#i got a stylophone !!#<3 #des-shitpost #the first song I've decided to learn to play was Daisy Bell #obviously #first song to be sung by a computer you get ittt im emotional!#it needed to be done #tbh it was a tough choice between daisy bell and Hello world #because i love hello world so much too...#but i were kinda just playing around and realized that what im playing sounds like daisy #and i just went on #i only have the last line to play and it'll be a full cover!!!#i think I'll post it on youtube if possible; it'll be the only DB stylophone cover on here if im correct #anyways yay!!#thanks for coming to my ted talk jjj

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astrxealis · 1 year ago

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dear gods i adore horror tbh but i am way too sensitive to it

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#idk how to describe 'sensitive' rn i'm dying in the head i should be asleep but Man!!!!!#i search up tons of horror stuff for funsies. movies uhh creepypastas stories real life events etc. fun!#BUT it freaks me out wayyy too much. bcs i really don't deal well w Those feelings of paranoia.#my imagination too good i was scared at night going to sleep bcs i'd imagine what to do if an intruder came in from the bedroom door #or bathroom door and think of how i'd escape Death.........#Did Not Help my area before was kinda yk. chillax. chillax meaning grassy tree-sy backyard overgrown trees #old-ish in a filipino chill neighborhood that isn't very fancy ?????? idk.#and the fact one time my dad almost died and someone standing close to him Did die so. haha. traumatized from that.#I WASN'T THERE..... but i rmbr my dad coming home and the news absolutely terrified me. anyway!#wow... rambling on tumblr at 3 and a half am... Nostalgic.#anyway yeah i love love love horror stuff but i am !!! so bad w them !!! like jesus christ i adore resident evil and bloodborne #is my whole bloodline. or something. but i can't even watch my twin kill 1 zombie in a re game Demo (she can't do it either)#and i can only make it to killing the first monster in bloodborne and explore a tiny bit where there are still no enemies. god.#AAAGGGGHHHhhhh ... and the first point of horror in omori then i stop playing for months...... even tho i rlly wna play more :((#2024 ........ cmon... i will try to overcome my fears more.#i've improved somewhat at least! ...from when i was younger. like. man. i could never stay in night-time in games ever.#ffxv? nah i always have to travel at morning. only when i got strong enough that daemons were nothing to me did i stop #getting scared. ouuughhh... and i always try to be stealthy in games........... for many reasons ofc but 1. Scared #okay i shut up now. apollo rambles of tonight: done and over!

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h-doodles · 2 years ago

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boy the sudden outpour of angst ideas for larissa weems x reader in my brain got me weeping so bad i feel a fever coming on

#ALL YALL POSTING ABT FALLING OUT OF LOVE BUT MY BRAIN GOING 700 MILES FASTER AND 3000 YEARS FURTHER WITH A #the love was still there. it didnt change anything.#ABT READER LEARNING SHE'S DYIG SOON. BUT KNOWS LARISSA IS SWAMPED WITH NEVERMORE & DEALING WITH THE KIDS. AND SHE ALSO LOVES #HER NEVERMORE FAMILY SO MUCH. SHE CANNOT BEAR TO MAKE THEM SAD #AND BC LARISSA IS SO BUSY. SHE HASNT REALLY LOOKED @ HER WIFE. AND TO READER ITS JUST OKAY. AND CREATES A MINI VIDEO JOURNEY #AND LIKE. ITS JUST ALL THE LITTLE THINGS SHE LOVED TO DO WITH LARISSA. AND THE KIDS. AND OF LIFE U KNOW.#and its wonderful and sad and beautiful #but she's dying and she doesn't want anyone else to know; her family had gone the same way too and thats how she wants it to end #and its just. augh. not my brain adding more angst rn #where her one & only friend notices #and is the one bringing her to all her doctor's appointments (outside jericho ofc. she knows her wife would know the instant had she been #diagnosed there) and like. Larissa getting more and more suspicious of their outings and accuses r of infidelity #.......and at this point r is just. done. and lies.#and gets out of Larissa's life. and everyone's just. shocked & devastated #R leaves but also begs her friend to go away. because she's just counting her days at this point. and you know what #the kicker here is that they agree knowing this was the last act of kindness they could give her.#AND LARISSA STILL DOESNT KNOW.#and wouldnt have known until Wednesday had a vision of a phonecall that'll shatter her #........shit. im crying again haha #anyways i love cinematic orchestra's i built a home <3 it really gives me such the best angst storylines #personal.txt #clown.txt #mod lee speaks stuff #idea.txt #larissa weems #larissa x reader #larissa weems x reader #lee writes #lee writes stuff #my fic

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apocalypticdemon · 6 months ago

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finally did my goddamn dishes. and that wasn't all i managed to do today. fuck yeah.

had a meeting for thesis prep. bmv trip. rough plan for friday's discussion lecture. cooked dinner for the first time in like 3 weeks. read ~50 pages of academic text for 2 classes and a paper revision.

feels like i didn't do enough but. considering that yesterday i managed... going to classes and nothing else! and monday i was only capable of doing the required meetings i had, this is a pretty good day!

#it's been. a tough few weeks. i couldn't focus at all last week. only got work done on the weekend. yesterday was........ tough.#monday wasn't as rough but was equally exhausting #so! proud of myself that i got. stuff done. big stuff even!#started keeping a task/reward journal to help out too :)#so every night i'll write out some tasks that need to get done the next day #and as i finish them i check them off and give myself silly little stickers to track what i managed!#so i get like. 1 sticker per 10 pages read (bc i usually need a break every 10 or so pages rn) 1 sticker in a diff color for chores.#1 for teaching stuff (laying out a lecture plan/finishing the lecture/doing a dry run/doing the lecture) 1 for meetings etc etc #it's helping bc i have a dumbass brain that doesn't give me dopamine for completing tasks anymore #it all gets lumped into 'yeah i did the bare minimum bc that's what i need to do. that's not special-#-no reward for you! you didn't really *do* anything. just scraped bare minimum!'#turns out that's bad for you lmao to get No Rewards #so i have a journal now! so i have hard proof that shows that i've Done Shit.#and i think the last two weeks i've been 1. underfed 2. overtired and 3. on the verge of burnout #so i haven't been able to do much. but a major stressor is gone now! (the bmv trip...)#and it like. immediately lifted a veil from my brain. 0-60 in like 40 minutes flat.#i hadn't realized how stressed about that i'd even been. it was taking up so much of my brain's metaphorical CPU.#so i'm hoping tomorrow i'll be able to do what i was doing two weeks ago. just plugging along at my usual pace #instead of just barely dragging my carcass forward #so! anyway. update that was unasked for but you sure are getting #i fuckin did stuff today! fuck yeah!#it is now an hour past my bedtime i'm gonna crash tf out. bedtime. sleepytime. good night

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thebeautifulfantastic · 2 years ago

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how unfortunate that i have two hyperfixations, several side interests, and a load of homework all clamoring at the same time for priority in my brain

#it’s so frustrating rn because yeah i do have to get some online coursework done so I don’t fail this class #but i ALSO want to relax before to go to bed #so what do i do?#(after i finish another module)#i could start heartstopper season 2 or i could make progress on the book i started today or i could watch a mission impossible movie #or i could watch a greta gerwig movie or i could start that tv show starring rebecca ferguson #there’s no WRONG choice but i want to do it all #& at the same time therefore this feeling that i have to watch things at the ‘right’ time in order to achieve maximum enjoyment #so like. that’s setting me back too because i want to reach maximum enjoyment for all these things #my gut feeling is to just start watching silo since i’m already obsessed with rebecca anyway #and if i watch mission i’d have to start from the first movie which she’s not in (until the fifth movie)#and i’ve been consuming so much alice oseman content lately i feel like i need to take a small break before i watch heartstopper s2 #and my book… well i am in a rush to finish it because i have to get through all my library books before i move #but it could probably wait until tomorrow #idk maybe i’ll watch an episode of silo and then read a few chapters if i’m still awake enough #wow this is such a rambly post i’m so sorry #belle speaks

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