#i'm feeling so anxious
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I have only one day to spend with my fiancée. 😭🥺
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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if i could not feel shame and guilt about EVERYTHING that would be great.
I'm feeling so anxious
#ashen rambles#word vomit#I'm feeling so anxious#i don't care if other people read it but apparently I can't read anything 'spicy' otherwise I'm a horrible person#it could be the SA#it could be the meds#it could be the growing up in a purity culture that came at me weird from both a church and non-church related ways#omg we can edit typos in tags now#when did that happen??#anyways my brain is dumb and I hate it
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☃️ Eira ☃️
Finished art from this week's video! It was really nice to draw my ice boi again, but even nicer to see him (and the video itself) getting such a warm reception from y’all in the comments - thank y’all so much for the lovely energy 💖
[DO NOT EDIT OR REPOST TO OTHER SITES / ACCOUNTS] ♻️reblogs are lovely tho!♻️
#artists on tumblr#abd illustrates#Heartless#Eira Hale#fr it's been so reassuring to see so many lovely comments from y'all after how anxious my burnout had me feeling#about posting again after such a lil while#it's much appreciated and i'm really looking forward to continueing to chip away at heartless behind the scenes#cause i wanna make a proper comic outta it so much#💙☃️
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Sudden kross thoughts + headcanons I drew in like 20 minutes I seriously can't stop thinking about these two idiots and I need to write about this somewhere..
Like- They're so different (also very similar) but complement each other so well- just perfect for each other. Cross needs someone to tell him that it's okay to relax sometimes and Killer needs someone to help him take care of himself more <3 gfjgkfgjfkh my sweet babies-
Killer belongs to rahafwabas Cross belongs to jakei
#undertale au#ut au#utmv#killer sans#cross sans#kross ship#criller#I wish I could ramble about them more cause I have so many thoughts about them but I can't put them on paper#That's the best depiction I could do at the moment but I still feel like I could've added more ughh#I'm posting this before my brain makes me anxious and makes me change my mind about doing this lol#anyway I love kross thanks *holds them gently*
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nothing is worse than watching something and genuinely enjoying it and how they changed things and then seeing how other people like hate it like okay fuck me i guess i guess i won't be sharing any opinions just cus im gonna get dismembered for it
#critical role#critrole#the legend of vox machina#vox machina#tlovm season 3#tlovm s3#critical role tlovm#tlovm spoilers#tlovm season 3 spoilers#tlovm#the legend of vox machina spoilers#vox machina s3#vox machina spoilers#legend of vox machina#critical role vox machina#i just know people are gonna be negative nancys about it#and it's upsetting because i'm loving the whole season so far and the changes they're making#in conclusion i definitely look forward to being a tlovm s3 enjoyer 🫠🫠#maybe im just being anxious but idk#if i know the internet#this season is gonna be the one that starts the gatekeeping#maybe im just being /neg but i don't have a good feeling#even though i loved those episodes
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having thoughts about the marinette and nathalie hug because like.
my god.
marinette's just had her world turned inside out
she's just a kid and how's she supposed to carry all this alone and what is she supposed to do and what does she tell adrien?
and then, suddenly, there's someone there to share the burden. an adult. someone who has a reputation for getting things done
so maybe, just this once, everything doesn't have to balance on marinette's shoulders alone
but it's nathalie--who, sure, adrien obviously cares about. but not someone marinette's at all close to. certainly not someone she probably thinks of as warm or parental or even very trustworthy. maybe marinette's even started to put the pieces together--if gabriel was monarch, then mayura must have been...??
those doubts seem insignificant when she actually sees nathalie
the last time marinette saw her, she was dying. and now marinette knows what gabriel wished for--at least some of it. she knows he did one good thing in the end. that he finally, to some degree, put adrien first
then another horrible truth dawns on marinette: nathalie doesn't know--of course she was aware gabriel was dying, but she still doesn't know he's dead
marinette's probably already thought up a hundred different ways she might break the news to adrien--even if she discarded them all just as quickly. she hasn't thought at all about breaking the news to nathalie
what's she supposed to say? however complicated things were in the end, gabriel was obviously someone nathalie cared about
marinette struggles to find the words, but nathalie just knows. she already suspected, because how would she be here if gabriel was as well? and now the truth's written all over marinette's face
it's not just marinette who needs that hug--though nathalie would probably never admit it, which is why it's marinette who's running to her
how many weeks has adrien been gushing to nathalie about marinette? about how she's so creative and strong and compassionate and full of love
and in that moment, nathalie understands
#there are other aspects of this i didn't quite get to fit into this post#like how nathalie and marinette have both been fighting so hard to protect adrien from gabriel lately#but they've been fighting ALONE#and now they're together in this moment where... technically they kind of won the fight#but it FEELS like they've lost#also i guess idk technically if this is RIGHT after the wish was cast but that's how i'm interpreting it#anyways when i started this post i didn't expect it to get so long asjfbkdsjbfk#even though that doesn't make much sense because marinette is detransformed but later she's bug noire again when she talks to adrien...#also hahaha don't look at me i get so anxious posting analysis posts...#ml london special#london spoilers#miraculous ladybug#marinette dupain cheng#nathalie sancoeur
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Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.
If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.
Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.
#positivity#disability positivity#partially because so much of voical differences arise from disability#i've developed a really annoying lisp-ish issue#and it's hard to be positive about it because it makes me feel like i'll be treated as lesser because it's a 'childish' affect#but i literally can't help it unless i spend 110% of my focus on it. and i don't have that amount of energy#but it makes me think about others and especially those who have it more intensely than i do#and i just want to uplift everybody because vocal differences are neutral at worst#man my dad always tells a story about this coworker he had who had a stutter like you wouldn't believe...#...and he was fucking BRUTALIZED for it... 'c-c-c-c-CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT?!' is how people would talk to him...#...and obviously that made his stutter twice as fucking worse and i can't imagine the shame and humiliation that followed...#...i hope he learned that those assholes were a fucking waste of time and that he doesn't have to deal with that...#...like i'm sorry but there is no fucking need to be that sadistic toward somebody who is obviously already anxious and worried
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why are you and your drawings so cool 😭🙏
afdsasdfasg thank you !! irl ppl would laugh at me being called cool lol - Have a ghoap as thanks <33
#ask#chloe-is-slightly-epic#ghostsoap#doodle#i'm trying to get better at letting myself be a bit more open online#a bit more uncool if you will#im an anxious perfectionist so a lot of art and posts end up in drafts forever#like this sketch i drew..... 4 months ago#hope you all wont mind if I start posting a bit more#unfinished work like sketches or fic snippets#Im constantly making stuff and writing but I just dont post#womp womp anxiety#so yeah decidedly uncool but im happy you like my art :')#btw if youve ever sent an ask or asked a question that i've never answered... yeah its probably in my drafts because i got stuck on somethi#and then forgor#and now its been so long that it feels weird to reply#sorry!! I super appreciate everyone who take the time to write
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do you think we could pretty please have some razlili they give me life🙏🙏🙏
DON'T MIND IF I DO!!! i am sorry anon that this is sososo late, i fell crappy ill for several days and also was drawing a whole several page comic in response to this ask for some reason. i'll post that too but here
busteeed
#psychonauts#lili zanotto#razputin aquato#razlili#sasha nein#AND KNUCKLES! (and sasha)#fanart#my art#thank you SO MUCH for the ask by the way. i love these kids. i love my kids#[anything psychic happens]#lili: well raz looks like we have no choice but to touch foreheads#what no wayy i dont just want to feel comforted and encircled by your aura because i'm too anxious to ask for a hug haha#noooo dont accidentally read my thoughts about how cute you are and how i want to kiss you we already did that bit xD dont DO it#\ i think razlili should just be raz and lili embarrassing themselves over each other back and forth
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Fuck it, I'm doing the poll even though I know what I feel and I'm not changing my mind about my own interpretation, but I've seen people interpret it both ways on social media so I'm curious.
#for reference I always interpreted it as the first option#The “love affair” is her current relationship E.g. her relationship with the subject shouldn't make her feel so anxious all the time#because it ties into the next line of 'every breath feels like rarest air when you're not sure if he wants to be there'#e.g. the faithless love of it all -- not sure that he wants the same future you do anymore#but I've seen so many people think the love affair means her partner's affair with someone else#I don't get that vibe but whatever#wondering if I'm just missing something!#so long london
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2pm at work feels like
#i feel so off today like i'm not tired#i'm not stressed but i just don't want to be here#i feel antsy and anxious
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C!Q + vylette's fit from Jawbreaker
(aka an idea I've had for every conceivable holiday for months and decidedly couldn't put out on an appropriate date)
#i feel a little off posting this during such a time of distress but my own misery wont help others so I'm doing it anyway#also hi!!! I've been offline a lot but after much stress and a week being mildly mistreated at the hospital i finally know what's wrong!!#PM/SSc overlap syndrome you can look it up. they caught it early tho so none of my connective tissue is damaged#nor do i have any major systemic effects so yay. im taking meds for it and im praying for the best#anyway enough of my life hi folks this is the first thing ive drawn in MONTHS sry im rusty#sidenote in light of the tumblr panic never hesitate talking to me about anything I'd love it im just socially anxious#anyway i love yall hope yall enjoy <3 I'll leave yall now xoxo#my art#dsmp fanart#cquackity#fennec.art
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[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]
Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?
[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*
–
Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.
Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!
Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.
* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.
#Pactw#QSMP#Pac#March 18 2024#As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators#I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore#I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know#like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on#And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation#but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk.#I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about#esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources#and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive''#but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this''#''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?''#And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know#idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info#Happy to hear other folks' perspective#I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those#but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric#which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs#but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying#Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript#that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing#and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate#idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags#But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter#Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn
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Fanfic authors, I have a question!
I've been thinking about how fanfic has become more mainstream in the last few years, and if that's affected how open us authors are about our fanfic hobby.
#poll#fanfic#fanfic author#fanfic writing#i'm solidly a ''i choose who i share with''#that circle slowly expands but i am selective#i have an internal debate regularly about it as i do still carry some shame about the hobby rooted in the fandom climate of a decade+ ago#but i do love writing and i'm wildly proud of my works!#so i feel weird about it and am working to not be so anxious about sharing with friends#and i'm curious of other authors are in the same boat as me#sharkneto speaks
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behold. my narukujikuma + souyorise agenda. i'm cooking.
#persona 4#p4#teddie persona 4#teddie p4#teddie kumada#teddie hanamura#(<- teddie and yosuke aren't dating i feel the need to clarify that)#rise kujikawa#yu narukami#souji seta#yosuke hanamura#kujikuma#narukuma#souyo#uh#yosurise#ig#yurise#souyorise#narukujikuma#i've seen that second one with souyorise several times over on twitter and i felt like tumblr deserved a version of it too-#also ignore the last one using yu's p4d portrait. it has actual expressions so-#posting this is making me sliiiightly anxious but whatever i'm cringe and free yippeeeeeeee 🥳🥳🥳
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