#i'm especially upset because i've been SO GOOD about taking care of my car and nNOT getting into accidents but then this happened

[killerandhealerqueen]

So uh...today just went from “good” to bad because while I was driving to the mall, I accidentally hit some debris that was on the road and cracked my front fender (thankfully it’s still attached and didn’t come off or that would be REALLY BAD).  Thankfully I’m not hurt and it didn’t crack my pan, but still...this is like my first “accident” and I am feeling terrible.  So if you could send me good vibes or encouragement or anything, I would appreciate it...because now my nerves are shot and I know my anxiety is gonna be through the fucking roof

[soaringthoughts]

:: A MISFORTUNE'S VESSEL. (chapter 2)

[ lowercase intended. ] a misfortune's vessel : chapter 2/? chapter - 1 PAIRINGS: aqua hoshino x reader

A/N: I actually didn’t expect for people to see and read my work, but here we go! School just finished for me and I just graduated so I've been very busy for the past month and wasn't able to update.

I procrastinated too much on this.. But now I finally finished it. ╰(❁´◡`❁)╯

word count: 3492 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it felt as though time had flown. you're glad that your body is finally capable of self care.

what relieves you the most is that you finally reached the age where people wouldn't suspect you for walking and talking.

it didn't take long before you can finally stand up on your own two feet, you've always sworn to never leave your crib at all rather than do all the crawling.

everything changed, however, when the news regarding Ai reached you.

you didn't get to hear an ounce of it from Miyako. but due to Ai's popularity, the news spread like wildfire all across the internet.

you were devastated. Ai passing away was the least thing you'd expect to receive after not hearing from her for years.

it made you wonder, what about Aqua and Ruby?

you can't gather the wits to ask Miyako about it. perhaps letting her recover from it would be the wiser decision.

over the past years since the incident, you barely got any attention from your parents.

Saito deserted his responsibilities. he spiraled into depression and disappeared from the company grounds. perhaps it was because of what happened to Ai.

it was all so sudden that Miyako was forced to be bombarded with these responsibilities, which only occupied more of her time so you barely got a chance to see her.

you are often alone at home, well at least that's how you felt. Saito stayed with you, but he would often lock himself up in his room and only come out to eat or use the bathroom.

hell, he even wastes his time on drinking alcohol and only gives you money just so you could take care of yourself.

Miyako, however, thought that this was bad parenting and so she decided to leave you with a babysitter.

you were upset as to why her, your own mother, is out there taking care of other children instead of her own daughter.

but you were considerate enough to understand that she's still working for strawberry productions which concludes of being present at her workplace most of the time.

but despite all that, you still managed to graduate from primary school and live your life as it is.

you are currently a highschooler. and for this next school year, you are struck by the decision of whether to take general or entertainment program for your new school.

you've always wanted to be an iconic idol like Ai but after hearing Miyako's opinion regarding this matter, you've decided to just pursue being an average student.

she didn't sound too supportive of it, especially after what happened to Ai.

being an idol really does have its ups and downs.

“I'm going.” not sounding too optimistic, Miyako was concerned by your well-being.

“I'll give you a ride.” Miyako snatched her car keys from the kitchenette's counter, accompanying you outside the house to head for the car.

normally, the atmosphere between you two is awkward. perhaps it's due to the relationship you both have and from the times that you two barely spend time together.

but today seemed different. unlike before, Miyako seemed to be more talkative around you after the disagreement you had regarding being an idol.

“I'm sorry, [Name].” Miyako tried to clear the atmosphere. but the rest of the ride was in silence, almost deafening at that.

you didn't have any response to this. you had already given up from the start, or so you thought.

taking things slow, that's your current objective.

“I believe in you, good luck.” as soon as you arrived at the destination, you stepped out of the car.

brushing a hair strand to tuck it behind your ears, Miyako's lips lifted into a bittersweet smile. perhaps it was due to her stress. but despite that, you took her smile all whole-heartedly.

“Thank you, mom.” with the return of a heartwarming smile, Miyako gave you a gentle squeeze of a hug before you head inside.

the school didn't look all too fancy, it didn't look all too good-for-nothing either. just an average school to be precise.

the clanks of your shoes reverberated through the school halls as you made your way inside.

the campus looked almost empty, but you were still passing by a few students throughout the way. perhaps they were also here for the enrollment.

you fixated your gaze over the plates of each classroom you are passing by to look for the general program you'll enroll in. it didn't take long, you eventually stumbled upon the said room as you lined yourself up with the students who also seemed to be here for this strand.

there was nothing special about the area. the building was simply structured and barely furnished. the atmosphere was dull. but perhaps it's because it's a new opened school.

as you got done signing the papers and passing the qualifications and requirements for your enrollment, which took a toll of time, you returned outside the halls and started heading back into the direction from where you came from to head back home.

it was quick, the long line was what kept you in.

unlike earlier, the sun seemed to shine brighter now. the rays of it reflected through the hall windows and over your figure. it was almost blinding.

you were able to see the hallways more properly. now that it's lit up, it actually doesn't look that bad.

you made your way throughout the area, standing out in your proper school attire and your bag slinged in your back.

your mind was stirred with your current emotions of what you feel about your upcoming school year. your mood swinging from both anticipation and nervousness at the same time. even though it's just the same strand you chose in your past life.

almost drowning in your thoughts, you didn't notice the group of people you bumped on. specifically a girl that's facing the opposite direction.

they seemed to be arguing about something, or maybe that's what you thought.

“Oh?- are you alright?” the girl was startled and swiftly turned around to check you out. luckily, it was just a small bump so you managed to stay on your ground.

you were in daze by the familiarity of her voice. you blinked a couple of times to clear your sight, before taking in the figure of the girl, along with two other people with her.

the two that were right in front of you were lookalikes despite the opposite genders they are, they must be identical twins.

as for the other girl on their back, she was immediately silenced by the sight. she had scarlet orbs and hair locks unlike the two.

you felt the guy's gaze dart at you, as if examining your features. “..[Name]?” as well as the girl, the guy's voice also seemed all too familiar.

you were surprised by how he knew your name. and that's when it finally rang a bell, it was Aqua and Ruby.

“You guys..” was all you managed to mutter. you were still in shock by the sudden encounter. you didn't expect that you'd reunite with them here, out of all places.

considering the school attire they are also in, it was obvious that they are also enrolled for this school.

you can say that nothing much changed. they were still the twins that you knew.

Aqua is still as stoic as ever. his phlegmatic tone remains the same. Ruby, still a bundle of joy, much to your surprise.

Unlike Aqua, Ruby is still as talkative as ever when comparing the two, “Aw, is that all you have to say? it has been years!” to your surprise, the two seemed to still get along with you despite not seeing each other for years.

you indulged in a small conversation, mostly about updating yourselves about what happened over the years of being separated.

“So, what program did you take?” just as Aqua had decided to chime in, the atmosphere immediately shifted from someone clearing their throat. done on purpose.

that's when you remembered that the two were also with someone else.

“I'm still here, you know.” said the 'unknown' girl to ease the atmosphere, almost feeling bad for leaving her in the dark from the reunion of you three.

she had red locks with a length that extends to the central of her neck. as well as cerise doe eyes that somehow resembles Ruby's, which complements to the color scheme of her hair.

she had a navy blue beret on, unlike you, Ruby, and the rest of the females in the school. making her stand out.

“Well.. this is kind of a personal matter, [Name] is a friend that we haven't seen for years.”

you didn't expect for Aqua to respond, but you were glad that he is finally somehow being more open than letting Ruby do all the talking.

this earned a scoff from the girl, a name that is still unknown. “Maybe let me chime in at least.. maybe we can get along.”

although you appreciated the fact that this girl was willing to talk with you, you can't help but wonder if she only said that so she wouldn't feel left out.

setting your thoughts aside, you decided to conversate anyway.

“I'm [name].” there was no need for formalities, and so you decided to just simply introduce yourself by letting her know your name. you're awkward at starting conversations after all.

“I'm Kana!”

and without a word, the girl, who is named Kana now that you knew, slipped in between the twins to close the distance between the two of you.

she abruptly dragged you by the arm with a gentle grip, turning you two away from the twins as she whispered in your ear, “So.. are you and Aqua dating?”

this question caught you off guard, especially from someone you've barely met for an hour. not even for 15 minutes.

“huh? no, we're not.” you whispered back in a sheepish manner. you didn't even know why this girl, who is practically still a stranger, would ask this.

the situation was overly awkward. you felt the eyes of the twins watching both of you from behind.

“Really?” Kana exclaimed with a hint of enthusiasm in her tone, her voice now more audible that it was probably heard by the other two. shortly after the realization sinks in, she immediately clears her throat to brush the awkward atmosphere off.

“I- I mean, really?” she followed with her voice now less excited than before to cover her excitement up.

the two of you then turned back around after clearing Kana's question up, now facing the twins once more.

the twins glanced at each other's faces as if communicating by thoughts, confusion evident in their expressions. “What was that about?” asked Ruby, staring at the two of you intently.

“Nothing!~” said Kana, with the brightest smile on her face. “Don't tell them I asked you that, okay?” she whispered once more, in which you gave a nod of approval. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“For how long are you two going to keep on following me?” Aqua remarked in his usual tone.

― “Until you answer all my questions!” said Kana.

― “I'm not. I'm headed in the same direction.”

he simply hummed at the difference of your responses, spiced with a hint of displease from Kana's perseverance.

the two went on in their way with a small conversation, although it was mostly Kana just bombarding Aqua with questions.

you were headed for the same path as Aqua, it just happened that your destination was the same route as his.

throughout the entire conversation of the two, you were quiet. but you couldn't help but pique curiosity from their topic, especially from how persistent Kana is to suggest Aqua to continue acting.

so he used to be an actor? a child one at that. or so you thought.

“I'm headed that way, see you two.” you pointed in the opposite direction of two paths you three came across. this time, your route is now different from what they are taking. so you decided to inform them of your route before parting your ways.

“Wait! Why don't you come with us, [Name]? Aqua and I were just planning for a hangout so you might as well come,”

you abruptly stopped on your tracks from hearing Kana. you then turned around to face them again, an inviting expression on Kana's face in contrast to Aqua's impassive ones.

“No we're not.” Aqua remarked,

“Come on, Aqua! you haven't seen us both for a very long time!”

“My destination is not somewhere that will keep you two entertained.”

“As long as the three of us can hold a conversation..”

“Fine.”

it took a chunk of Kana's convincing before finally persuading Aqua into it. it made you wonder as to how she can even handle his unexpressive attitude.

she waved her hand at you to call you back. and so you decided to come along since you were free after all.

“Oh, Kana Arima. I haven't seen you in so long― and..? Aqua's girlfriend?”

almost choking from your own saliva, you cleared your throat awkwardly and as well as Aqua. do old people just often ask the most off-putting questions and embarrassing things?

“No, we're not. I'm a friend. That happened to end up here for a hangout.” you emphasized the word 'hangout', as if not expecting for it to occur in some strange old man's room. you didn't even know the guy.

with a chuckle, the man twisted his chair to face you three. “I see, I see. I was kidding.”

“That wasn't very funny..” said Kana who was patting your back to ease you from the coughing, the situation almost dramatic.

the room was then eventually beaming with a light atmosphere as you all conversed with general topics regarding your lives. such as school, relationships, and.. acting, which you cannot relate to.

but despite that, you all got along despite you just meeting the other two this day.

a while after for what seemed like an hour, you four were invited to dinner by an elderly woman that barged into the room, in which you all complied.

the dining table was in silence as you all fixated your attention on the food. but the silence was also broken from time to time with short paced conversations.

“So you still live off your parents, Director.” Kana remarked in the most casual tone.

'that wasn't his wife?..' you thought to yourself. it was bizarre to think about now that Kana mentioned it.

the dinner went on with them talking about the careers they used to have with acting. it seems that Kana was still in it, unlike Aqua who apparently already quit a long time ago.

of course, they made sure to include you in as well, asking you about your route in life and as well as your interest in acting.

and so you just found out that the man used to be a director.

hell, Kana even suggested you to be an actress with her.

she really is a persistent person. she even offered to give you a training after excusing yourself that you're not fond of acting. she seemed really desperate to have a friend with her.

if only they knew how talentless you were in your past life.

but that was in the past.. right?

even so, that fact deteriorated your self-esteem despite living in a new body that is probably way better than your previous one.

it didn't take long before the sun went down. only then you realized that you spent too much time in the hangout.

Miyako must be worried by now..

as you three dismissed yourself from the director's house, Kana parted her way. her dorm was in the opposite direction unlike you who's headed for the same destination with Aqua, which is the bus station.

the walk was quiet, considering the two of you are not fond of idle chit-chatting. but of course, the tension was less awkward with a few chats.

shortly after reaching the bus station, the both of you sat on the bench.

the next bus was the last, so it's only good that you two made it in time.

the surroundings were dark. the moonlight barely lit the ground, the only light source being the flickering street lamp that was beside the bench.

“I didn't know you did acting.” you suddenly commented to put a halt to the silence.

“Not for long. It's not my course.” Aqua simply remarked. he was still a tad replier up until now.

you were slightly taken in by surprise. throughout the hangout with Kana complimenting his skills, you didn't expect him to actually dislike acting.

“So you didn't take entertainment program?”

“I took general program. I wasn't even fit to act in the first place.”

“Shame.. I would've liked to see you perform.”

“Enough about me. You took the general program too, right?”

your face shifted into one of intrigue at Aqua's response. it was nice to finally have a talk with him after hours of just awkward greetings. much to your surprise, now that you two were alone.

“I did. It would be a good coincidence if we end up in the same batch!” this earned a hum from Aqua, not showing any signs of displease of having you as a classmate.

“Hm, you're right. But it seems less likely to happen considering the amount of those that applied.”

just as you two were finally conversing once again, the moment was interrupted when the bus had finally arrived.

you two rose up from your seats to quickly head inside, not wasting any matter of second in order to not miss the bus.

the vehicle immediately drove off as you two got in despite not even getting a seat. this caused you to almost stumble, in which you managed to stay on ground by holding onto a pole and with Aqua's hands firmly grasped in your arms from behind.

“Thank you―” you sheepishly remarked, returning with a simple nod from Aqua.

you two got further inside the bus, only realizing that all the seats were full.

that must be why the driver immediately drove off, because there were no seats left available.

just then, the driver abruptly stomped the brake, causing the both of you to stumble once again.

good thing the both of you were strong enough to stay on your grounds.

as the bus stopped, one passenger left his seat as he left the bus for his stop. the bus drove off again shortly after.

you two eyed the seat.

“You sit.” said Aqua, gently shoving you closer to the available seat. of course you couldn't refuse due to how exhausted you are from the day.

as you sat, Aqua stood beside you as he held onto the bus hanger for support.

the ride was surprisingly long. and the silence was frequently broken with small talks.

you shared stories, emotions, and laughter― well, something Aqua didn't reciprocate to say the least.

he was still as stoic as ever. but that's what makes him recognizable from all the people you know. and somehow, with that distinctive demeanor of his, it reminds you of someone. 'what was his name again?..' you couldn't quite remember his name, but his face was still as clear as skies in your mind. all that you know is that it was someone in your past life.

it didn't take long before you reached your stop. you were first to get off the bus before Aqua.

“See you, Aqua.” you waved your goodbye and rose up from your seat, stealing one last glance on him.

“See you, [Name].” he returned. as you eyed your gaze on him, you noticed the faint smile that lifted up on his lips. one you've never seen from him before.

maybe you only stereotyped him of not having emotions at all, that he's unexpressive.

now you found out that he actually is, well, except for his friends.

but with all those thoughts aside, you can't help but notice how good he looked with a smile. almost charismatic.

“You should smile more often. You'd get a lot of girls.” you playfully remarked with the smuggest look you had.

his face immediately shifted back into his neutral one, as if masking his smile. in which you found kind of funny.

“Is anyone going or not?” the driver eventually spoke, impatiently tapping his foot on the bus floor as if a sign to skip the stop if no one's going down.

not wasting anymore time, you quickly got off the bus. and with a few studs of walk, you finally arrived back at home. mind at ease from having to reunite with your friend. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @lumiriai, @miyakoa, @dododododooosworld, @kimiko-the-angel, @fukumiai, @kat-kaps, @karma-gisa

[kanesturner]

Cuddles in the kitchen

alex turner x reader

(fluff) word count: 1.5k

summary: the car Alex comforts the reader after works been stressing her out lately

warnings: none just fluff :)

The soles of my feet aching with every step i take and the pain in my head getting worser each time i walk down the empty street. I always do my best with work and to please people in my life but all i get back is pain.

Alex always tells me to take breaks but i don't listen because i always feel the need to be impressing someone. Especially with the people I work with I know I am below their standards but I always try fit it, probably because I'm younger most people look down on me.

with all the thoughts going on in my head right now i've just had enough. The tears freely fell from my eyes i had no control everything coming down on me like a pile of bricks.

I entered the apartment building the lights blinding my eyes immediately, making me wince as my headache is now turning into a painful migraine.

I made my way to the elevator frantically pressing the button. When the doors finally opened I stepped in and pressed the number '5' button as we live on the fifth floor.

Turning around I looked at myself in the mirror mascara dripping down my face, my once neat ponytail now all messy and sticking out in places.

*ding*

Taking my first steps out the elevator door i began to make my way to mine and Alex's apartment. I still had tears slipping out my eyes, I tried to wipe them away so Alex wouldn't see I just didn't want him to worry.

I approached the door and shakily took the keys from my purse. I finally unlocked the door and stepped inside. The smell of a gingerbread candle hit me making my migraine worse.

Squinting my eyes to try ease some pain on my throbbing head. Slowly i begin to take my heels of my feet finally free. Then i took my coat of hanging it up on one of the many hooks we had in our entrance.

After i finished with all that I made my way to the kitchen. Grabbing a glass from the cabinet and turning the sink on, waiting for the water to turn cold.

Filling my glass up and turning the tap off. I took a long a sip from the glass my surroundings becoming unknown. Getting lost in my train of thought I didn't hear Alex come from upstairs.

"You alright love?" he whispered gently in my ear. He grabbed my hips and pulled me into his chest placing his head on my shoulder.

"Jesus al you scared me" I said holding my chest. "I'm sorry love" he spoke gently kissing my cheek.

I closed my eyes all the thoughts from earlier still floating around my head, making it harder for me to compose myself.

We stood there in silence. I could feel the lump forming in my throat, my breathing becoming ragged, the tears finally slipping past my eyes.

"How was work darling, you have a good day ?" al gently spoke.

"Mhm it was alright" I silently let out.

He grabbed my hips to turn me around so we were now facing each other. My mascara dripping tears now obvious to him.

his face dropped he didn't like seeing me upset. "Oh love" he spoke pulling me into his chest.

That's when I couldn't control it anymore everything just came out. I sobbed and sobbed into his chest, he let me and he didn't say a word until i was ready to speak.

His hand coming down on my back to softly rub it. My migraine now became very painful from all the crying I was doing.

After a about 5 minutes i finally pulled my head from his chest.

"I am sorry al" I sobbed out.

He grabbed my face and wiped away my tears i leaned into his touch closing my eyes. "Don't you dare be sorry love it's okay, if you want to talk to me about anything i'll listen okay". He softly spoke placing a kiss on my forehead.

"I just feel like I disappoint everyone in my life, my parents, people at work and especially you. I try my best every day to please people in my life a-and it's getting tiring because no one cares about anything i do". I finally let out

"And al you can do way better i don't know why you chose to be with me i mean look at me". I laughed

I looked to the floor feeling once again disappointed with myself.

"look at me y/n". he said

I didn't move my head i just couldn't look at him. He grabbed my chin and lifted my head up. My eyes now looking straight into his.

"Y/n you're not a disappointment and the people at your work are arseholes. i appreciate you so much love i'd never ask for anything else, your amazing and i mean it and the people that don't appreciate everything you do, they really don't deserve you y/n"

I wrapped my arms around him and buried myself into his chest again I really needed to hear that.

"I love you so much al." I said looking up at him.

"I love you so much too y/n"

I placed my hands on his face and pulled him in, our lips gently colliding. His lips feeling soft against mine, his hands came down to my hips and pulled me as close as we could.

After a while Alex gently pulled away. "Darling why don't we get you up to bed now." He said kissing me once more.

"okay al." I smiled

He grabbed my hand and we walked to our room. My head still painfully throbbing from earlier.

When we got to our room I went over to my bedsidetable and got a pack of paracetamol out. I walked into the bathroom that was inside our bedroom, i got a hand full of water from the sink and took the two paracetamol.

"love come here."Alex softly yelled from the bedroom.

I made my way back to our room and saw al standing at the end of the bed with a shirt and a pair of shorts in his hand.

"sit here darling." He said patting the end of the bed. I walked to the end of and sat down. "what's wrong al?" I questioned.

"nothings wrong my love, let's get you changed okay?" He said getting to his knees. "no no al you don't have to I can do it." I babbled out

"Darling please let me i really don't mind." He spoke leaving a small kiss on my knee.

"okay al"

he gently began to pull my tights from my legs. massaging my feet, my eyes slowly shut the pain in my feet becoming less and less with each squeeze he did.

He suddenly stopped and my eyes shot open. "why'd you stop." I pouted giving him my best puppy dog eyes.

"don't start with that." He laughed out. "stand up for me would you love" he gently spoke.

I stood up towering over him now as he was still on his knees. I playfully ruffled his hair so it went all messy. I started laughing because his hair looked absolutely crazy.

"What's got you all laughing?" He asked looking up confused.

"Nothing." I giggled. "Mhm." He hummed

He hooped his fingers into the waist band of my skirt and slowly pulled it down. "Hmm you look good from this view." I laughed playfully winking at him.

"Oi don't be cheeky now love." He spoke lightly slapping my thighs.

I put my hands in his hair gently running my fingers through it. He grabbed the pair of shorts that were next to him on the floor.

"put your legs in for me love." He said holding the shorts in front of my feet.

i placed both my feet in the shorts and he pulled them up me. He then stood up and started unbuttoning my shirt.

Once he did that he places one of his shirts over my head and put it on me.

"there we go." He said smiling at me.

"Thank you baby." I spoke.

I placed a gentle kiss on his lips and walked over to my bedside table to put away the box of paracetamol i got out.

"You ready for bed now al?" I asked.

"yeah love." He said walking over to his side of the bed.

We both got in bed and I laid my head on his chest. He softy started stroking my hair making me relax into his touch.

"Thank you for helping me out a bit al, it's helped." I softy spoke.

"Anytime love."

He kissed my head while continuing to stroke my hair.

"goodnight al I love you." I whispered.

"goodnight y/n I love you too."

That was the last thing i heard before i dozed off.

*First fic ahhhh don't hate🙄, but i currently have more i'll be working on specifically smut ;). If you want to request anything make sure you do :)*

[dearmrsawyer]

i posted the xmas cards at the start of the week so hopefully that means they reach everyone before xmas actually happens <3

only 3 weeks left til holidays, but all the classes are done at work so i will be able to use them to putt around with my own things and not do anything that requires me to actually use my brain, which no longer works lol. i had my performance review a few days ago and basically exposed myself for doing a bad job all year ! i told my supervisor i've spent a significant amount of this year fixing my own mistakes, which is true, but tbh it was the best i could do given everything. she knows i've had a hard year, although she doesn't know everything that's been going on, she always says i'm a very private person which i didn't really consider myself to be, but actually i think i am, i don't talk about my Stuff with people at work largely because i don't want to commit my time to it, and also when i do talk to people i always walk away wanting to crawl out of my own skin, like i always feel like however i expressed myself didn't accurately represent how i'm feeling, and so i've just given someone an impression that doesn't match how i really feel, and that makes me feel 600x worse. Anyways i said that it would be good if i had some back up in the library because as the only person there it can't function without me, and i would've taken more time off this year if i felt like i could. i was planning to say that when we had our next budget discussion but she gave me an opening so i'm glad i said it when i had the chance, because i may well have chickened out later on.

i really miss sawyer. i thought that when i made it to the other side of all the very difficult things that had happened in the last year, when i could return to something resembling normal and i had agency over my own time and space, that i would get to do that with her. she was part of what i was looking forward to. after everything these last twelve months, to have to cap it off with losing her, she was only just fourteen. i find it really hard to fall asleep without her, i don't turn out the lights until i can barely keep my eyes open, if i'm lying there in the dark i always start to cry. i mean i still do that a lot at other times, especially in the car for some reason, but its harder to come back from when its night. i hate being here without her to be honest.

a couple of weeks ago mum and i drove up to donate sawyer's leftover medication to the animal welfare league, i know insulin is sometimes one of those things that can have supply issues and when we called around they said they had a diabetic cat in their care and would be happy to take it. afterwards mum said that she thought there was a good chance we would come back home with a new cat, like if they had their adoptable pets on show in the foyer lol. they didn't but i don't want to get another cat anytime soon. no other cat will ever be exactly who she was, she was perfect in every way, the exact right measure of everything to me, i don't want to measure some other cat against her. i will get another cat sometime but i don't want to just redirect the love i have for sawyer onto some other cat. what i feel belongs to her.

I spend a lot of time looking through photos and videos of her, almost everyday. Sometimes it makes me feel unbearably upset but sometimes i feel like it calms me, like things are okay when i'm looking at her. i really love this video of her watching niall's livestream a couple of years ago. she was sitting next to me with her front half resting on my leg, which used to be her default position. she never really watched screens but she was mesmerised by him lol

[drapopia]

la squadra headcanons

authors note: hello everyone! i've been dead for a while, but my la squadra fixation has once again returned, perhaps even stronger than ever. honestly, i'm not phased. but my brain has stronger, more coherent thoughts about this bushel of babes. enjoy, and my inbox is always open to thoughts!!

risotto

joined la squadra at age 21 shortly after his cousin's accident/incident.

he is egyptian and sicilian.

he is the leader of la squadra, and appointed gelato as his second in command due to his intelligence in the area of arranged killing and his general ability to command a room/read his teammates (with the help of his stand, of course)

risotto may be slightly standoffish, but he truly does care for his team. he is also a natural worrier, and tends to check in with them often. whether it be strict business, or just in general keeping up.

his sclera are tattooed because of his stand's general changing of his appearance and his eyesight. after the gradual change of his whites, he decided to jump the hurdle and get it professionally blacked out.

considers himself to be on good terms with everyone on the team, but gets along best with formaggio. he appreciates that formaggio is spunky, and makes him chuckle to himself.

loves to draw, and has a notebook in his room of nonsensical drawings. one of ghiaccio's greatest treasures is a drawing risotto did for him after an especially bad morning (he accidentally left his car windows open during an entire night of rain without his knowledge) it's of a cat on a park bench! it is framed and on his dresser

his favorite ice cream flavor is either double chocolate, or raspberry.

he wants to learn how to ride a motorcycle so badly, but is scared of being too big and crashing. he knows how to ride a bicycle, it's just hard to find something that adequately fits his body.

his favorite genres of music are goth (duh), metal, and shoegaze. he wants to feel the bass in his feet. has gotten into several (mostly) lighthearted arguments over the punk rock scene with formaggio and gelato

he sleeps in a tanktop and extremely large sweatpants. he wears socks while he sleeps, an abysmal sight. he does have some trouble sleeping at night, but once he's out, he lays stiff as a plank. his thoughts before he goes to bed are of the general day, and random thoughts. often times he will remember something random, like he forgot to switch clothes from the washer to the dryer, and will bolt up and ruin his sleepy groove. (we're all guilty risotto, it's okay)

his favorite movies are the exorcist, carrie, and trainspotting. he likes most movies, but he HATES jaws. it makes him viscerally upset to think of the way sharks are treated because of these movies

prosciutto

he joined la squadra shortly after illuso, did, still one of the first to be initiated. he joined because he it was just the family business, it was why his father had moved his entire family to the country. while he doesn't consider it to be in his blood by any means, he finds it is remarkably easy for him to take on the role of a mafioso.

originally born in prague, his family immigrated to italy when he was around 4 years old. so while he grew up in florence, he had strong czech influence in his childhood

he feels like he should be the one in the team that people should feel inclined to go to for advice. he also thinks he's mysterious and seductive, and while he has an air of confidence and and elegant stride, the others have all seen him standing in his bathrobe screaming at the espresso machine for not working (it's not plugged in prosciutto.)

despite seeing him at his goofiest, the others on the team know that they can go to him for a lot of stuff that needs help. after all, he's the best marksman on the team and taught melone how to shoot. he's also the best to go to for advice on high end stuff.

his favorite genres of music are big band music, jazz, and psychedelic rock. he also loves blues and some occasional soul.

he used to have his bellybutton pierced for an entire year, but he almost had it ripped out on a job, so he had it retired.

he is a surprisingly good cook, and makes a mean roast pork, and knows exactly how long to bake a good sourdough bread to get a pleasantly crispy exterior. also, he somehow learned how to make an absolutely delectable hummus, and will not tell anyone how he knows. (prosciutto, spill your secrets, you devilish man!)

his favorite flavor of ice cream is either plain vanilla bean or coffee. would much rather have a pastry of some sort, but he gives in too quickly for anyone to believe that he hates sweets.

he sleeps in silk jammies, with no socks on. he is serious about his bedtime, and hates whenever people interrupt his sleep time. his thoughts before bed are similar to risottos, going through the day meticulously. he also thinks about his errands for the next day, often stopping to think of his grocery list for the coming day or so.

he does not exercise often, only opting to do some light walking, and uses the small personal gym that la squadra owns occasionally. has a freaky fast metabolism

his favorite movies include overboard, the man who fell to earth, and what ever happened to baby jane?

gets along best with sorbet. regularly lament over old man things, even though sorbet is substantially older than him. the stingy old bastards are fond of sitting on the veranda outside and mocking each other

pesci

pesci was the last to join la squadra, and joined because of pressure from his family, and low income from his family back in prague.

he is prosciutto's cousin, and immigated to italy with prosciutto's family when he was around 2. his family was in dire straits, and could not afford to provide for themselves, let alone pesci. he is still in contact with them, and regularly sends most his income to them. he hopes that they're doing better.

he is very unsure of his abilities as an assassin, and of his abilities in general. he has so many good traits though! illuso would never admit it, but he finds himself spending a good chunk of his socializing talking to pesci because he's so personable. he has good advice outside of work, and prosciutto is proud of him for being a good source of wisdom. (even if it's just for pesci knowing where the best place to fish is.)

pesci has tattoos! (and he also gets bitches!) he has the third most tattoos out of anyone on the team. his most special one is an intricate vine piece on his thigh representing his journey from prague to italy. only prosciutto and ghiaccio know that though. his second most fond piece is a petite tattoo of a turtle on a skateboard that he got on a night out with formaggio and melone. does not regret it whatsoever.

pesci's favorite genres of music are surf rock, pop, and a bit of hip- hop! he loves a good surf guitar.

his favorite ice cream flavor is mint chocolate chip, proud defender until he passes

pesci is BUFF, let's get that out of the way. he, formaggio, ghiaccio, and risotto often work out together. he thinks it's genuinely so fun, and loves that good content feeling after a rewarding session. he spots for ghiaccio, and risotto spots for him. (formaggio HATES lifting weights)

gets along best with everyone, but he does have a soft spot for gelato. gelato was worried about pesci's adjustment to mafia life, and checks in with him personally. whether this is lunch at a local thai restaurant, or just a chat while brushing their teeth at the sink in the base. pesci often feels incompetent next to prosciutto, so he appreciates gelato's encouragement.

makes a mean baklava, like is such a good baker

he sleeps in comfy jammies, and no socks. such a deep sleeper, will not wake up even for the apocalypse at his door. does not remember falling asleep at all, so no coherent thoughts are really going through his head while he drifts off for the night.

his favorite movies are steel magnolias and uncle buck, loves john candy almost reverently

illuso

was the next to join after sorbet and gelato were assigned to risotto's team. is a former mercenary for hire from argentina. he emigrated from argentina to multiple different countries, but stuck in italy because he got into some trouble with passione. nothing too serious, he paid his debt, but he vibes with mafia life.

south american and italian!

illuso wouldn't admit that he gets along with anyone in la squadra, he enjoys teasing them a little too much to ever admit that out loud. he is an avid gossiper, and tends to bond with everyone in the group because of this. he's an information fiend, and this reflects in his work.

illuso's room is a calculated mess, and it is BEAUTIFUL. a comfy bed draped in luxurious blankets and throw pillows, extravagant rugs and lush carpeting, and ambient lighting that makes you instantly relax. he loves shoplifting, and uses his stand to his advantage. he used to steal jewelry from his grandmother when he was a child, and you can find it draped over a lamp or two.

for workouts, he loves pilates. (pilates princess all the way). he will occasionally join melone to work out, but that's just code for jogging on the treadmill and talking shit lol. melone tries to cajole him into yoga, but illuso ate shit stretching once and his ego was bruised

his favorite genres of music include psychedelic rock, pop, disco, and hip-hop. he occasionally enjoys metal, but he has to be in a very specific mood or else it just gives him a migraine. he just loves some sensual music that makes you wanna lounge on a love seat dramatically

has a smattering of ear piercings, his favorite is his conch piercing. formaggio is trying to convince him to get his nipples pierced, but illuso hates needles. he especially doesn't want needles near his sensitive bits.

his favorite ice cream flavor is either blueberry cheesecake, or bubblegum. not bubblegum with huge chunks, but just the flavoring.

of all the people on the team, he is closest to either melone or formaggio. being partners with formaggio is comfortable, and puts him at ease whenever they're on the job. formaggio can reciprocate his crude and teasing humour, so they mesh well. they watch trashy soap operas together. he can't explain why he and melone get along so well together, only that they're both smarmy bitches.

wears silk jammies to bed, and sleeps with a silk eye mask as well. has his hair in a bonnet, and has a complicated bed setup. he is a light sleeper, and sleeps in the mirror world to reduce the risk of being woken up super easy. his thoughts before going to bed are of things he wants to buy, and an uneven flow of things that happened that day.

has skin care nights with ghiaccio and melone, or anyone else that wants to join. risotto and formaggio join occasionally

his favorite movies are black christmas and girl, interrupted.

formaggio

formaggio joined after ghiaccio, so right in the middle! he fell into the mafia, and was originally a part of polpo's squad after gelato was reassigned to risotto's squad. after polpo discovering how useful and destructive formaggio's stand ability was, he was reassigned to risotto's squad.

if you want fun and some healthy emotional balancing out, formaggio is your guy! he is the one on the team who the others go to for some fun and laughs. while he is a calculated and malicious killer, he is also very lazy and loves a good nap.

spanish and italian, his mother is from spain and his father is from genoa, italy.

he has the second most tattoos of anyone on the squad. while some are emotionally rooted, like the heart tattoo of his mom's name, some are for goofs, like an american traditional pinup of a woman with a cat tail. (formaggio what are you telling us)

his cat is named amoreena, and he is exceedingly fond of her. he used to have two cats, amoreena and cecilia, but cecilia passed away from a urinary tract infection. at the time of his death, he was actively looking for a kitten for amoreena to bond with. that is why she seems so agitated, she's just a sad girl at the moment (and formaggio shoved her into a damn bottle LMAO)

his favorite genres of music are soft rock, blues rock, and punk! he loves himself some music that reminds him that he's a tough guy and that he is rough and tumble! is a sucker for some celine dion and cher though

formaggio makes his own clothes from punk diys, and is very proud of his fashion. sticks very true to punk ideals and tries not to consume what fashion he could just make himself. definitely owns crust pants lol

as stated before, he regularly works out with pesci, ghiaccio, and risotto. he's mainly a cardio guy, and some light agility based stuff. i don't believe he likes weight lifting mainly because he hates how his arms ache a little the next day. he finds it irritating, and just generally agitating. my mans also loves jump roping

his favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate and cookies and cream! will genuinely eat any flavor though, he is not picky by any means, he loves food

is such a good cook, i am being so serious right now. his food has that home cooked and feel good taste, one bite will have you pleasantly smiling. he will casually say "let me make something super quick" and make the most mouthwatering, delectable meal known to man. he used to get put on timeout often when he was a kid, and spent that time watching his momma make food from his seat at the table.

formaggio considers himself a fan of everyone on the team! sure, ghiaccio may be prickly, and illuso can be a little too catty sometimes, but he vibes well with everyone. if you forced him to choose, it would be either gelato or pesci. he thinks they're both fun and down to earth, and he admires that they know who they are pretty well!

he sleeps shirtless with some boxers or lounge pants. his bed, to put politely, is kind of a mess. he snores, and he is also a deep sleeper. his thoughts before he goes to bed are goofy, like "i wonder if prosciutto has ever pissed himself" or "is ghiaccio's hair naturally that color?" also thinks about things he said that day, or he could have done differently.

his favorite movies are jurassic park and interview with the vampire (don't ask him why, he'll just talk about how sexy antonio banderas is)

melone

melone joined after formaggio, and before pesci. he joined the mafia as a means to pay for his university tuition, but got in way too deep and lost much more than he ever imagined he could,

melone knows the nature of his stand is offputting, a reflection of his mind that he tends not to reflect upon. however, he does find that despite that, his relationship with the others is well off. they come to him with strange questions that they know melone would have the best answer for. he is the only one on the team with a higher education. (highest being melone, lowest being sorbet).

korean and italian! his mother is korean, while his father was born in florence. he was raised in florence, but he visited korea with his mother every year or so for the summer. he feels very in touch with his roots on both sides.

melone has his nipples pierced! he has one tattoo, a small gene sequence of his grandmother on the inside of elbow. besides this, i don't believe he has any more body mods. he likes to make his fashion more flashy instead.

he is most fond of ghiaccio on the team, they mesh well. ghiaccio and he spend so much time talking about such strange topics, and he doesn't get offended by ghiaccio's frustrated and impassioned outbursts. he finds them endearing, actually. melone is a naturally levelheaded person, so ghiaccio appreciates him for that. they can be caught playing games on their nintendo 64 at 3 am

i don't believe that melone is a sexually oriented person, if that makes sense. i think he's someone who believes very strongly in sexuality being an inherent part of the human experience, whether you feel it or not. he thinks nudity is natural, and being a person is naked! we are all born naked, and we leave the world just as naked when we decay. (in the manga, he isn't as much of a pervert as the anime portrays him). he is a very logical person, but his spiritual beliefs are wide and varied. he shares them with ghiaccio and have conversations frequently with him about culture and their views on things similar to sexuality, natural expression, etc.

don't get me started on how his stand is a small reflection on trans parenthood

he does workout, and he does mainly yoga and pilates. he likes to stay toned and fit, not overly muscly. he workouts mainly with illuso and ghiaccio. ghiaccio tries to make him lift weights and he gets fussy.

his favorite genres of music are r&b, bedroom pop, and anything sensual! he loves him some britney spears. he also dabbles in techno and perv digital. (he likes the sound)

his favorite flavors of ice cream are strawberry and lemon! he prefers a nice melty sherbet.

he has only purple lights in his room, and he wants to own a ferret.

owns extremely expensive hygiene products, just like illuso

sleeps naked lol, likes to let his body breathe. (again, firm believer in casual, non-sexual nudity) he likes to meditate before he goes to bed, and has a nice linen bedspread and fluffy pillows. has similar thoughts to formaggio before he goes to bed, like "hmm, should i buy a fish tank?... probably not." drools SO MUCH

favorite movies are suspiria and phantom of the paradise

ghiaccio

joined la squadra after illuso, was officially inducted into the squad after a disastrous turn of events after dropping polpo's lighter and killing multiple people. with the destructive ability of his stand, it made sense to assign him to risotto

ghiaccio finds it hard to control his temper and be a welcoming person. he resents that he can be so anal-retentive about stuff. thankfully, most of the team just accepts it as part of ghiaccio. they know that he's just.... very passionate about stuff. however, ghiaccio is very knowledgeable about most topics along with melone, so anyone can go to him about the most random thing and he will probably know. he also has good workout tips!

he is italian and he is very, very proud, don't get that mixed up.

has no tattoos, but he has his ears pierced. he just doesn't think he would look that appealing with tattoos. and no, he doesn't mean appealing to others, he could care less about what others think about his appearance. he just doesn't believe he could be truly comfortable with something on his body for the rest of his life.

ghiaccio gets along the easiest with risotto and sorbet! risotto took him under his wing whenever he entered the criminal underworld, and he internally thanks him every day. sorbet is also very caring towards him, doing for him what gelato is doing for pesci. sorbet is levelheaded and solemn, and can keep ghiaccio's temper where it needs to be, and assessing where that feeling is coming from. risotto and ghiaccio also love metal, so it's a funny pairing (tiniest on the team and the tallest on the team)

ghiaccio's favorite ice cream flavors are green tea and lemon. he prefers sorbet, but those two flavors together are heaven to him. he once tried a limoncello cake ice cream and he went bonkers. (this actually exists in america guys, it's in most chain stores, PLEASE TRY IT, it's limited edition)

workouts so much, with literally everyone! loves cardio, and is extremely in shape. he uses it as an outlet for pent up energy. he's like a cup of water with energy, it keeps filling up so he has to drain it using excess means.

collects books about his favorite topics, and regularly watches lectures online about culture and linguistics.

LOVES LINGUISTICS, he knows three languages fluently !

his favorite genres of music are glam rock, some bedroom pop, and METAL. he loves metal because risotto introduced it to him when he was formative, and now we have this amalgam of music.

ghiaccio sleeps with a band shirt too big for him and some lounge pants. his thoughts before sleep range from "oh my god that is the most embarrassing thing I have ever done, please stop brain" or "wow ghiaccio you are so smart and funny and everybody on earth wants to give you a smooch to show that you are the coolest boy ever!!" and sorbet and risotto give him an award. he sleeps the earliest and wakes up the latest out of the team.

his favorite movies are the dark crystal, what's eating gilbert grape, and poltergeist.

sorbet and gelato

first guys to join the team! they were both first on polpo's team as reconnaissance and information, but gelato switched over to risotto's team. at polpo's reluctance, he allowed sorbet to go with as well. both joined the mafia to find something. sorbet joined because he thought it was the last thing he would do, gelato joined after the military. they found one another, and the rest is history. both were late teenagers.

gelato is belarusian, and sorbet has no clue of his ancestry because of lost adoption records. he suspects he is italian and some asian descent.

as second in command, gelato is sought after for advice and direction commonly. his job is to keep the risotto's schedule and jobs for everyone bundled together, and to keep everyone else's shit together. as a bubbly guy, leadership comes naturally to him, although he doubts that often. sorbet may not have a leadership position, but he does have seniority over all in the squad, seeing as how he has been in passione longer than a lot of them have been alive even.

as of being fond of anyone in the team, they are biased towards one another. they are a package deal, and everyone is aware. if you see sorbet, gelato is lurking close by, and vice versa for sorbet. otherwise, gelato is closest to formaggio because they're both lighthearted guys with superstitious hearts! as for sorbet, he is closest to prosciutto or risotto. gelato and sorbet both have a fondness for ghiaccio, he's so pumped up!

sorbet will only eat plain vanilla ice cream, and gelato loves strawberry!

gelato loves cooking! sorbet is so bad at it <3

sorbet collects knives, and gelato collects old vintage vinyls, especially the ones with vintage sexy music lol.

sorbet and gelato take dual self defense lessons in lieu of working out. they also do martial arts lessons, and regularly teach everyone as best they can, or if the other members ask. sorbet also sticks to weight lifting, and gelato does cardio mostly.

for music, these two like different things. gelato is a pop fan! he's fond of 80's pop mainly, but he also rolls with psychedelic rock if he's feeling nostalgic for his younger days. sorbet prefers jazz and blues. the best way to describe it is lower class songs that remind you that everyone is just a normal common person. (examples: tom waits, johnny cash, warren zevon, the talking heads, dolly parton)

sorbet sleepwalks, and gelato splays out on the bed like a ragdoll. neither of them are the type to remember what they thought about before they slept.

their favorite movies include the rocky horror picture show, the labyrinth, possession (1981) and 9 to 5.

[cinematicnomad]

i'm 32. i've never had an abortion. i grew up moving around the world. at all points of my life, i have always, always, considered in the back of my mind what i would do if i needed one. college in particular stressed me out—from 2009–2013, i lived in a rural small town that didn't have an abortion provider, just one of those malicious "crisis pregnancy centers" that PRETEND to provide options but really guilt and shame and lie to people with uteruses to deny them care.

so i always made sure to know where the closest abortion provider was. my friends and i talked about this, shared our individual plans with each other. at the time, it was a good 2 hour drive away, and i didn't have a license, let alone a car. but i did have older siblings and friends that i knew i could rely on. people i could turn to if i really needed help. my fears at the time mostly surrounded potentially having to reveal any personal details about my private life to them—i have a hard time asking for help, and tend not to share my thoughts or emotions with others, especially family (case in point, i almost posted this on twitter but then DIDN'T bc my sister and brother follow me). i'm in therapy, i'm working on it!!—but i never worried about being able to access abortion care.

i've never had an abortion, but i did have a miscarriage. i was 18 and i didn't even realize i was pregnant. my miscarriage was, thankfully, early and painless and i didn't know what it was until my period came for real and i spoke with my OBGYN about what happened.

i think about that 18 year old version of me all the time. i had just finished my freshman year of college. i had ended things with the guy bc i was hoping to (and would shortly) get back together with my other ex. i was more concerned with watching the latest true blood episode and meeting up with my friends still in high school at their after-prom, than with worrying about whether or not the guy at college had knocked me up.

abortion in austria (where i was at the time) has been fully legalized since 1975. if i had not had a miscarriage, i would have had options. if i had not realized until later in that summer, once we were back in the states, i would have had to have an incredibly uncomfortable and upsetting conversation with my conservative parents. but even then, i know, i would have had options. miscarriage for many people is a traumatic event. a painful loss, both emotionally and physically. for me, it was a blessing. but even if it hadn't have happened, i know i would have an abortion.

reading the latest NYT article (free link!!) about the dobbs decision fucking kills me. i keep having to stop. i keep welling up with tears. these 5 justices calculatingly (and at least some of of them, i believe, maliciously) stripped the country of roe v. wade. they turned back the clock and denied millions of people access to safe abortion, to their right to choose, to their bodily autonomy. just because i never had an abortion does not mean that this loss is felt any less keenly.

i find, time and time again, that i do not understand how some people go through this world and their life seemingly looking for ways to harm others. seeking to strip them of their rights. to deny them their humanity. i cannot comprehend how they seem to take glee in punishing people they view as other for the v basic fact that they exist.

this is long and i don't even know what point i'm making except for: i am so grateful for the fact that when i was 18, i had options, and i am so very, very, very fucking sad for the fact that there are 18 year olds today (and 20 year olds, and 28 year olds, and 15 year olds, and 36 year olds, and WHATEVER) who are being denied their right to choose. it's not fair. it isn't right. i want, so desperately, to change this.

and now the plea: please vote. please care. please advocate and donate and protest and be loud and be heard and demand better rights for yourself and others. please consider the courts when you cast your ballot: not just the supreme court, but the lower courts as well. if you don't, there will only be more decisions like this, the consequences of which will continue to ripple out for years on end causing harm to untold numbers of people.

[soniadamasco]

Ryo Ogino's role in Buddy Daddies

(Warning: this post is just speculations and based on the few info we have at the time of the 4th episode)

I've recently watched again the second preview of Buddy Daddies and a scene caught my eye:

Here we see Rei sitting in a car and talking with a man, who asks him what is the reason for him to kill. The man's voice (if I'm not wrong) sounds really similar to Ogino's voice, the assassin we see entering Kyutaro's pub in the 2nd episode:

Another thing that makes me think the man in the car is Ogino, is the fact that we already know the reason why he himself kills from the post credit scene in the same episode:

From Ogino's character bio we learn that he is a sadistic man who seems to be involved in the accident that killed Kazuki's wife. So why is Rei travelling in the same car as him?

What I think at this point in time and especially because we see Rei wearing his work suit, is that he probably got assigned to a mission together with Ogino. Why? The main reason I could think about relates to Kyutaro. We know that Kyutaro is getting upset at Kazuki and Rei's work lately and that he is a professional man, who cares a lot about the missions being successful. He also already reminded them how unstable their job is:

What I'm thinking is that Kyutaro will probably get fed up with Kazuki and Rei and give them the only option to prove themselves again by working with someone else. It is also possible that something will happen which will put Miri in danger and Kazuki will be forced to leave his job to protect her, leaving Rei to work with Ogino.

In both cases, I am sure Miri will be in danger in the next episodes, probably because of her connection to her dead bio father. I think this also because we see a lot of emphasis put on the fact that being close to an assassin puts you in a dangerous spot:

Now, back to Ogino's role.

I think Ogino, being probably the main antagonist, will be the reason for Rei and Kazuki to face the demons of their past.

For Rei, it is the relationship with his father and being destined to be an assassin since he was born. A clue that sends me in that direction is Rei's answer in the scene in the car: "This is also a job".

We see that, unlike Odino who kills for satisfaction, Rei sees killing as just a job, with no emotions connected to it. In the next scene in the preview we also see Rei fighting with someone, who looks either like a guard or another assassin:

I think this scene is probably connected to Rei trying to save Miri from this unknown danger. We know that Rei became Miri's papa because he wants to protect her, to become what his father never was for him. I believe this also entails changing his attitude towards fighting and killing.

His father taught him to kill for money, to be emotionless. Here I believe Rei is not fighting with that reason in mind. We see him being vulnerable, taking a bad hit while until now he has been a perfect killing machine. I think in this scene Rei is fighting to protect someone, probably Miri (and Kazuki as well). I believe this also because in this scene we can hear Miri's voiceover saying "sometimes papa feels lonely" and I interpret this as Rei finally having someone who cares about him, someone worth fighting for.

I also think the reason Miri will be in danger will be Ogino himself. This relates to Kazuki's past trauma, the death of his pregnant wife and Ogino's role in it. We know for a fact that Kazuki cannot let go of his wife and unborn child's death, still sending money to her family despite them never accepting it.

Kazuki still cannot get over the fact that he couldn't save the ones he loved and nothing can change that. Nothing except for saving someone else, someone who he sees as his daughter, from the same man who killed his child: Ogino.

We're still at the beginning of the series and many things could change, but here are my two cents about what could happen. Still, I cannot stress enough how good the story already is and I cannot wait to see how all these small clues will be put together at the end.

[turtlesocksv2]

Liveblogging Dead Friend Forever Ep 8

Shit has hit the fan and is going to continue hitting the fan this episode. Let's go!

Tee didn't steal the cash Non gave him to pay off his mafia debts? I am, honestly, shocked. I am not, however, shocked that mafia uncle thinks that Non is a police spy. This is not going to end well for Non but at least mafia uncle ends up in jail.

creepy teacher keng is going to get his ass a pair of cement shoes and I am here for it. dude, you are a math tutor why are you trying to investigate the mafia. They really are not trying hard to hide the fact that this is a mafia front. "the bathrooms are off limits, order food and get the fuck out" indeed. The closeup on the water jug makes me suspect poison but instead we get the frankly hilarious getting hit by a car scene, i hope that's how he dies.

OOoof, this favoritism from Non's mom is painful. Like, we knew she probably loved New best but hearing it...yikes. Non's not a good kid, like New is! Non can't do anything right, like New can! Poor Non.

Non's breakdown is so sad. this kid is Going Through It on all fronts.

oh my god, those voices reading the tweets...the salacious tones. so gross. Be On Cloud is Making A Point. very well done.

Non writing out the kills exactly how they happen 3 years from now. Either Non is (one of) the Killers or the killers found the script. So like, YES this is a revenge story! That shouldn't be shocking or disappointing to you, it was telegraphed! The fun is in how we get there not in complicated twists for twists sake! ok, moving on.

Tee being ordered to kill Non...i see i see. Tee doesn't like Non at all but is still horrified at the thought of killing him or his uncle killing Non. because Tee IS still a highschool kid himself, no matter how long his uncle has been making him do mafia shit is probably wasn't that. Tee's still got some goodness/innocence in him, which is probably the side he shows White.

LMAO at the netizens causing problems. yeah that sounds about right!

i am dying to see the awkward conversation between Jin and Non about Non coming back to finish the movie.

Tee being suspiciously nice. he's either plotting to kill Non to prove himself to his uncle or feeling incredible guilt that he's going to take Non to his uncle to get silenced. Or a mix of both! if I was Non i would not trust that water lol.

Jin stares at Non but can't even meet his eyes when Non looks back at him. GOOD. I don't care if he was upset about his crush 'sleeping with someone else', you don't just record people like that! He is, in fact, old enough to know that, even if he has poor impulse control because he's a dumb teenager.

is the prop an ACTUAL AXE. lol. lmao even. how did none of you realize this was going to end badly?!

Anyway, the knife being Non's, actually, is so fun. Just another little detail that the killers wanted the boys to recognize the calling card that's why Por got cut up a bit after he got stabbed by the branch.

You tell them, Non!

Oh, Top getting stabbed and Fluke having to take care of him...part of what Fluke was talking about how it's always him taking care of those things. I'm glad Non got to stab Top a little.

Jin trying to apologize for everyone but let's play some One Republic ft Timbaland 🎵🎶Because It's Too Late! To Apologiiiiize! It's Too Late! 🎵🎶

LMAO I was right to be suspicious of the water!!!! man did that kick in at just the right moment.

LOL Jin lying to the cops is just painful. You can tell that he's lying from a mile away, especially when he says that Non and Mr Keng truly loved each other. I do think it's interesting that they plotted to have the story be that Non ran away with Mr Keng.

Jin winds up the Final Girl of the version Por wound up shooting, even though Non had changed the script to everyone dying...them going back to the valley mansion because of Jin leaving the country...it's all about Jin, just like i've been saying! everything is connecting!

lol they all know Non is probably fucking dead and not with Mr Keng.

Tee, don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.

i knew it! I knew those were going to be Phi's last words to Non and it was going to eat him up! It's going to drive him insane and he's gonna murder people about it!

using the actual footage of Non's murdery breakdown in the movie...evil. Phi going to the movie premier... Iconic.

[final-girl96]

STOLEN HEARTS CHAPTER EIGHT

May 13, 1984

"So, do I need to give you money to go dress shopping?" I looked at dad confused, "what?" I asked. "Prom. Isn't prom coming up this weekend?" He asked. I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know. If it is I'm not going so no, you don't need to give me money for a dress." I set my bowl in the sink, washed it and set it in the dish rack. "Nobody's asked you?" He asked, concerned.

"Um…no. Dad, I don't have friends and I don't like any boys. It's not that big of a deal." He nodded his head and looked down. "Okay. It's just…it's a big night. You might look back and regret not going. Maybe Eddie will ask you." I raised my eyebrow and squinted at him. "You hate Eddie. And I don't want to go to prom. Especially with fucking Eddie."

"I don't hate him. I just strongly dislike him. I mean you guys are friends still, right? You still tutor him and what not." I shrugged and walked around the counter. "Okay, that's it! You haven't been yourself since I got home on Sunday night. What happened?" He stopped me from walking any further. "Nothing happened, dad. I need to finish getti g ready for school." He moved in front of me and looked down at me.

"What did Eddie do?" He asked in a dangerously low voice. "Did he…did he try to…" I cut him off by holding my hand up. "No! God no! It's stupid and I shouldn't even be upset about it," I said. He didn't say anything, just waited for me to continue. "He stood me up. He never showed up to pick me up for his gig at the hideout or dinner. Turns out it was because while he was out doing errands before he had to come back to pick me up he met a girl. He met a girl and forgot about me."

"Oh, sweetheart." He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. "Why don't I take you to school today. I know kids haven't been nice to you. I've gotten calls from the principal about some things teachers have heard and noticed." My eyes widened. "What! So, you have teachers spying on me?"

He shook his head, "no! When we first got here I wasn't sure if you would tell anyone or if anyone would find out who I am. I have been trying to keep a low profile for you! But just in case I asked for the principal to keep an eye out. The last thing I need is for my daughter to be bullied or taken advantage of! To be honest I regret putting you in public school. You're fucking miserable."

"Dad, it's fine, okay? It's not that bad," I said. "There's a girl there who calls you poor. Misty Everton. I know her father Phil. Real fucking douchebag. He used to try and get under my skin all the time. Her mother isn't any better. Stuck up cunt." My mouth dropped open and then I laughed. "Dad!" He shrugged and laughed along. "It's true! So, come on, let me take you to school. Who cares if everyone knows your dad is a famous rock star? This is your last year and you'll never have to see them again!"

"We'll take the new car. How about that?" Dad asked. While he was in California he decided to buy a new car. A red 1984 Ferrari 288 GTO to be exact. The man was flashy and proud to show that he made it when everyone told him he wouldn't. "Sure, dad. Let's wow everyone at Hawkins High." I rolled my eyes and got into the car. I could feel the nervousness and anxiety swirling in my gut.

And as I expected everyone stopped when he pulled up in front of the school. I took a deep breath and watched as everyone started to get closer. People were pointing and talking. I didn't even realize dad had gotten out of the car until my door opened. I got out and he smiled at me.

"You win." I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Have a good day, little viper. I'll pick you up after school." He kissed my forehead and waved to the kids looking at him in shock as he walked back around the car and left. I watched until I couldn't see him anymore before turning around and walking into the school.

I was standing at my locker when someone came up and leaned on the lockers beside mine. "Jax Hexley is your dad?" I looked over to see Billy Hargrove. "Yes," I answered simply. "I thought you looked familiar. Not very many pictures of you in magazines with him but there are a few. I knew you were the only other kid from California in this shitty ass school but damn, princess. You really want to go out with a bam, huh?" He smirked and looked me up and down. "It's not going to happen, Hargrove. You can take me off your list of girls to fuck before graduation."

The day went on with people coming up to me and trying to talk to me. It was all: "oh, my god, your dad's a rockstar?! That's so cool!" And "we should totally go shopping for prom together." Or "Hey baby, how about you let me take you out tonight." I was glad when the end of the day came. I stood at my locker, grabbing anything I needed to take home.

I gasped when a hand holding a black rose appeared in front of me. Then a body was pressed against my back and a chin laid on my shoulder. "Go to prom with me?" I spun around to see Eddie with a shy smile on his face. "What?" I asked. "Prom. You know it's an overrated high school tradition. People dress up and dance then leave and get drunk and have sex in a shitty motel or the back seat of a car at makeout point."

"You want to go to prom?" I asked, turning back around. Again he pressed his chest against my back, chin on my shoulder, and arm around my waist, and held the rose in front of me. "If it's with you, yes. I'm sorry I was a fucking dick and stood you because of some chick I'll never see again," he said. "That rose is black." He chuckled and hummed. "I thought it fit our style a little better than a red one."

"So, what do you say? Give me a second chance. Hell, we don't need to stay the whole night. We can go for an hour and slowly destroy people's nights. Expose some cheaters. Then we can get the fuck out of there before shit really hits the fan. Go grab some burgers and shakes, go to that spot I wanted to take you." I slowly took the rose from his ring clad fingers.

"You're all I can think about lately," he whispered. I felt my heart flutter and cleared my throat. "I'll think about it." I shut my locker and walked down the hall. "Well, don't take too long! It's this Saturday!" A smile slowly made its way onto my face as I walked out of the school and got on the back of the bike my dad decided to pick me up on.

[sonarryx]

bastille - bad blood (review)

it feels so pretentious to format it like this but whatever. who even cares. probably nobody will see this anyway lol

so i actually got the 2-disc version titled all this bad blood, but i didn't bother to listen to the second disc because i only listen to cds in my car and i didn't want it to take up an extra slot that could be better filled by thao. so this is only about the 12 tracks on the original bad blood album, since those are the only ones i heard.

i'd heard good things about bastille in general, and i've always had a fondness for "pompeii," so i went in with relatively high expectations. that's probably why i ended up feeling pretty disappointed. after two listens, i thought the lyrics sucked. tracks like "things we lost in the fire," "these streets," and "flaws" were done a severe disservice by the lyricism. "flaws" especially i just couldn't stand. even at their best, the lyrics were merely tolerable.

that being said, by listen 4 (maybe even 5, idk, i lost count) i was fully on board with the music, so it did redeem itself quite a bit in that respect. the intro to "icarus" immediately struck me as iconic, so i completely understand why people would latch onto that song, even if the lyrics are still pretty unsatisfying to me. i ended up warming to most of the songs, especially "oblivion" and "daniel in the den," though his falsetto leaves a little to be desired. (i rarely use singers' names in bands when i'm talking about them, especially with a name as generic as dan smith. he's the bastille guy to me now and forever.)

the closing track, "back home," had some very fortunate timing when i heard it last night at the end of a very long, very snowy night of delivery driving. the roads had been unbelievably awful all night, and after several near misses, i really was wondering how the hell i was gonna get myself back home.

final thoughts: i broke the fucking 2-disc case thing and i'm upset about it.

i'm not doing ratings because that's lame. how the hell am i meant to rank all albums on a sliding scale of numerical values? do i look like fucking fantano to you

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

20th June 2023, 01.55am

I feel okay enough to write to you a little bit tonight. Just before I go to bed. I haven't been sleeping very well recently, what with everything going on. But I need to at least try. I haven't been eating very well either, I don't really have much of an appetite at the moment, but I honestly just think that may be stress.

I re-read your last couple of posts before I came to write, just to remind myself exactly what you had said. I didn't want to end up messing it up and talking nonsense haha. As you know, I've had a lot on my mind and a lot going on. I've been busy planning my dad's funeral (I hate saying that, that hurts so much) and organising everything for him. I'm doing it all alone too, which kinda sucks. My uncles aren't being much help.. but I don't know if it's because they just don't know what my dad would want and I do.. or if it's just because they're not close. I don't know. Today, I went to my dad's care home.. to get some clothes for him. My cousin came with me and he had his dog in the car with us. She is really cute and she was giving me snuggles and kissed my cheek haha. She's a really sweet dog. I was okay when we got there.. and when we got inside.. and when we got upstairs and I spoke to one of the staff that my dad had been looked after by most (I took them all some chocolates and a thank you card, because they really did take good care of him. He was always saying how lovely they were to him. He really seemed happy there).. but the second they opened the door to my dad's room.. yeah.. I was a mess. I stepped inside and looked at his bed all made and everything else completely untouched, left the way he had it. And I just lost it. I couldn't contain the sheer sadness and anger that was inside me anymore. This might sound dramatic, but I genuinely felt like I was just going to crumble to the floor there and then. I nearly did. My cousin ended up coming to my side immediately and hugging me tight. He's a good egg, especially in times like this. He tried comforting me as best as he could, I kept apologising, he told me to stop it and that I was allowed to cry and be upset. He even cried a little too. We took a moment just to let our emotions take over and be released, talking about my dad and how we felt while we stood there. We took our time, we looked through my dad's things together and the nurses and carers gave us some privacy to do so, they knew we'd probably both be really upset. I found his ACDC shirt and his leather cut and I just had a feeling that that's exactly what he'd have loved to be wearing. So that's what I took for him. We then went to the funeral directors and I handed them in for him. That was a little less painful, the undertaker has been really nice to me, he's been really helpful too in helping me figure out everything I need to do/sort out. I'm going to arrange the flowers tomorrow.. after I've been to the registry office. I think that is going to be really tough for me too.

Thank you for saying my new hair looks beautiful. I really like it. I think I suit it and I can't wait to keep this style for quite a while. Everyone keeps complimenting me on it, even people who I didn't expect to say anything or like it. I love this colour too, you know how much I love having red hair. It's just.. me haha. My tattoo is healing well, it's just at that really fucking annoying itchy stage right now haha so I'm always trying to distract myself so I don't scratch at it. I'm pretty good at remembering not to, but I did catch myself very nearly doing it ONCE. I managed to tell myself off for it before I did it haha. I have plans for 3 more tattoos before the end of summer. All for my dad. They're only small ones, but I really like the idea of them and I know my dad absolutely would love them. He did say he wanted me to get as many as I could so I could piss off my mum lol. She doesn't really like them. Nor does she like my hair. She said I'm ruining my skin/hair. But I don't care. It makes me happy and if I want to do it, I'll do it.

I understand why you'd hold off on doing anything with the band right now and I completely understand what you mean too. It's like.. plateauing almost? I'd say see it out, see what happens over the next few months and then maybe make a decision there? That could be an idea, but whatever you want to do I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you. That's what's most important, that you do whats right for you.

Your stream on Sunday.. oh my god you have no idea how happy I was to see your face and hear your voice. It really did help take my mind off of things, it really helped so much, you've no idea. I felt like.. things were just normal for a little bit. Like I could just sit and watch you play ESO and try to stop Chonky being a menace and have a bit of normality, which I have sorely needed so badly these past few weeks. There were so many points I giggled or laughed or said "awwww" (especially when I could see Chonky haha), but I had a huge smile the whole time. And you were so good at it too! You were completely natural at it too, talking away and just playing the game, you really looked like you were enjoying yourself and it made me really happy to see. I'm so glad that you decided to do it and I'm really looking forward to the next stream. I was worried that.. maybe I was chatting too much. That I should have been a little quieter and just let you get on with the game. I think I just got excited to see and hear you and.. I'm sorry if it was too much.

I always like reading through your letters multiple times too. I do it a lot, I'll be honest. Is that weird? I hope not, but if it is please tell me. I just.. I really like doing this with you and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that or anything. If you're telling me that Chonky would either absolutely love my belly rubs or absolutely shred my hand, then this is a win win for me, because either way I get to touch a cute floofy cat. Having a shredded hand will not stop me haha.

I love City and Colour too. They're one of my favourite bands too. Especially the Little Hell album. That is just a complete masterpiece and easily in my top 10 albums of all time. Thank you for all the songs you give me too, I really like them all. I try to pick songs that.. convey how I feel in that moment. Or maybe just songs that make me think of you. Sometimes it's both. But you also give me new things to listen to or remind me of old classics that I love. I have not heard a song you've given me that I haven't loved so far. I really like that we do it, it's like.. a little special thing, just for us. It's still warm here but it's starting to cool a little over the last day or two. It sometimes does this, gets really hot, then cools down, then gets really hot again. We are not built for this weather over here hahaha. It's my birthday in 8 days and.. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do for it. Or whether I want to do anything for it this year. I haven't decided yet.. would it be bad if I did celebrate it? Considering what's happened? I don't know.. I'd feel guilty..

Your posts are never too babbly. I like when you babble. And I hope you're okay with me babbling from time to time too. It seems like I've been doing it more often recently but.. I've had a lot going on, so a lot to babble about. I like the idea of us being unfiltered in these letters and just acting like we're talking to one another. So please don't worry about that, because I enjoy it. More than I can really tell you, if I'm honest. I just like talking to you in general. About everything and anything.

I'm going to try and sleep now. I'm currently listening to that song by New West that you sent me before.. that's really become one of my favourites.. it instantly makes me think of you and smile every time I hear it. I secretly hope there's songs that you hear that give you the same reaction.

I hope to hear from you soon, E. You're bringing me so much comfort right now, even with being so far away, and I'm not sure if you realise it.

I know I can come to you. And you know you can come to me too. Or at least I hope you do. I'll always be here, no matter what. I mean it.

N x

"You are all four seasons, rolled into one.. you're like the cold December snow, in the warm July sun"

[invisiblegarters]

I feel so called out by this, lol.

I am definitely one of the people saying that Sand is being pathetic, and I stand by it. I love him and I will admit that some of this is projection because out of all these guys Sand is the one that reminds me most of my uni days. But even in my uni days I would not have put up with Ray. I said it in the first ep - I'd have left him to sleep it off in his car. And if the fuck had called me a whore? The last thing that would have happened would be me following him home and caretaking for him like some sort of unpaid nurse. Miss me with that. Especially when he didn't even bother with the half-assed apology he gave his actual friends.

My problems with Sand isn't that he cares for Ray, it's that he keeps letting him back in when he should know better. And I'm not saying that's not realistic - I've known too many people just like him in my life to believe otherwise. I just hate it so much and it makes me so frustrated.

But there is a good point to be made here about him essentially not changing. We don't really even know if him always letting Ray back in when he shouldn't isn't the norm for him, because we've only really seen him on good terms with everyone save Top, who is a special case due to his feelings about his ex (and this is part of why I am hoping the ex shows up again - part of me worries it'll just be to cause more problems between Top and Mew but the rest of me is very very curious to see how Sand treats this person. Even a flashback could give us an insight into how Sand gets with his romantic partners, and for myself I'd be more relieved than upset to learn that this kind of back and forth is something he's done before, lol. Ray's not special, Sand's just one of those people that doesn't know how to completely back out once he decides he's in).

He has made concessions for Ray - sleeping with him more than once even if they aren't together is the big one I can think of, but I'm sure there are more - but has he changed much for him? Fundamentally, I mean. I don't know. He certainly hasn't stopped telling Ray when he's fucked up, even though Ray clearly doesn't like it.

And to be fair, each time Ray screws him over Sand takes just a little bit longer to really let him back in, and I do wonder if Ray hadn't decided to be supremely stupid and drink and drive if Sand would have let him back in this time. Guess we'll never know, but it did seem to me that he was knowingly burning that particular bridge when he called Ray to play pool in ep 5 and drop a bomb in his lap. Even without the fact that it gave Ray the opening he's been looking for with Mew for years.

All that said, I've been looking at way too many gifs of the Sand parts of next ep, and whether or not he calls the cops on Ray next episode (or far more likely to my mind, calls Ray's dad who then calls the cops. Or my favorite - has nothing to do with the cops but agrees to start taking money in exchange for trying to get Ray on a better path (look the whore thing OFFENDED me if Ray's gonna be like that then I think Sand should go ahead and do the thing)), the look on his face here

reminds me very strongly of the look he got before he torpedoed Top and Mew's relationship. And I'm not sure morality comes into it. Sure, it was better for Mew to know sooner than later, but Sand even said he did it purely to get back at Top. He didn't consider the consequences and he got bitten in the ass for it in several ways.

But did he really learn his lesson? I guess we'll see.

Loved these tags from @fromthedepthsandbeyond on this ask so wanted to use them as a jumping off point for a discussion about Sand in Ep7. (I hope you don't mind.)

Sand as a 'pathetic' character

I've seen quite a few folks on Twitter up in arms about how pathetic the narrative is painting Sand to be which, in my mind, is all relative. Because if we're comparing him to Nick, then Sand seems to have quite a bit of self-respect. But all these comments got me thinking how Sand does have self respect in so many aspects of his life; aside from Ray, he would seem to have everything put together. And Ray is the one thing he can't reconcile with his lifestyle, the one thing that doesn't fit. Up 'til now, he's allowed that.

Also got me thinking about this discussion I had with @waitmyturtles last episode regarding the woobification of certain characters. Looking back, I wonder if having Sand finally act out in Ep6 was all leading up to this moment, as Sand's revenge on Top quite literally is a major catalyst in bringing Ray and Mew together. After getting revenge on someone he thinks deserves to be punished, Sand is also being punished too. In some way, I wonder if that is a commentary on the cyclical nature of vengeance--how no matter how justified you are in your payback, you will pay for it too.

Regrets

What is Sand's personal plot? Clearly it's all tied up in Ray. But what do Sand's ties to Ray say about him? It says he's a natural caretaker, likely due to his upbringing, but it also says that caretaking plays a major role in his self-concept. What Sand is learning is that he does not demand exclusivity in his caretaking role--though he might want that, he hasn't demanded it from Ray, because he doesn't think he has a right to do that. Sand has a very acute awareness of morals and what is within his own bounds to demand. In this case, I think it goes back to what First said about Sand handling his emotions on his own; Sand wants Ray to care for him only, but he knows that's not a requirement of their relationship. Ray, on the other hand, demands Sand's sole attention, even though he doesn't deserve it. Despite Sand being burned near-constantly by Ray, he is the one who still feels like he can't demand things of Ray because of the pre-set terms of their relationship.

It also makes me curious...for all the pain it has caused him, how much does Sand regret getting his revenge on Top? Was it worth it? Because if he truly loves Ray, then we would assume that he does harbor regrets. (Which brings me to another question: Does Sand truly love Ray? What stage of infatuation is Sand at right now?) Looking morally, Sand likely thinks he was doing the right thing for exposing Top as a cheater, regardless of the consequences. But knowing if he has regrets about this could be a major clue in to just how down bad he is for Ray.

One of the reasons I'm loving this show so much (despite that crapshoot of a part 4/4 in Ep7, ugh) is because it's putting characters like Sand, who aren't even center stage, in an uncomfortable position. Sand has to confront his own values by pitting his morals and his feelings against each other. Going back to Ep3, is Ray 'just an exception'? Or has this kind of value-bending happened to Sand before?

And, in going back to the tags, is Sand going to change because of Ray? Personally, I think the Joker/Harley Quinn dynamic between Ray and Mew suggests that they will be making major changes for each other, which could stand in direct contrast to Sand. Ray is satisfied that he has finally gotten Mew to adapt to his lifestyle and be with him the way he wants, so why won't Sand give in too? Why won't Sand remain the person Ray wants him to be (as in: someone who drops everything the moment he calls)? Why can't Ray be in control of the people in his life the way he can't be in control of himself?

[jyndor]

Y'ever wonder if ppl misunderstand Eadu due to lack of life experience? Like, at some point, we have a heated argument w/ someone we care about and we lash out, and realize it's b/c the caring makes it hurt /worse/ (plus, we ain't perfect). But when you haven't been there yet, it's easy to think it's the other way around: that you're less likely to lash out at someone you care about. Also easier to think you'll never say hurtful things when upset, you'll always be calm and rational about it.

thats a really good question anon damn i need a minute to think about it

okay so. I've smoked a little weed and I've thought about it a bit. I don't know how big an impact that is because I'm not sure who hasn't ever experienced an argument with someone they love. people get nasty and mean sometimes. it takes a lot of work to become self aware to notice patterns and better at handling anger/hurt/etc. especially if you're dealing with mental illness or like neurodivergence, or trauma or idk just some other compounding factor that can make you more likely to develop problematic~ ways of dealing with shit.

I was a very difficult kid sometimes - undiagnosed adhd and severe anxiety had me not handling shit well. I'd bottle things up and avoid and honestly just try to appease and ignore until I'd naturally hit my limit and go off like a wildfire, it was really horrible for me and my family, who I loved dearly but who didn't know how to handle me or accommodate my issues (and they did try, they aren't perfect but they did try to help). I was hitting my literal limit on "good behavior" as a kid every day in school and I'd get into my mom's car and just be a LOT.

so of course my mother who I have a really complicated relationship with - we are best friends but we also have a lot of deep resentments and pain between us, not all of it any of our faults frankly. it's complicated. but I couldn't deal and so I'd lash out viciously to her.

it should be kind of obvious that we feel most comfortable around the people closest to us. I think about how on edge and hypervigilant I am at the airport, but the minute I get on the plane I fall asleep. It's like, I'm finally comfortable enough to rest. but in the case of someone who can't always react well, it isn't until you're around someone who you feel safe around that you sometimes are the most reactive to.

so I relate a lot to both jyn and cassian in part because I feel like I have had to work on (and continue to work on) a lot of the ways they react to each other, specifically in that scene, or how jyn in particular needles people like cassian and saw.

when you learn how to work on your reactions to people, you learn how to be more present and rational and think through what you are feeling. but that takes life experience for most people - and a lot of people don't ever work on it at all.

so... IDK maybe rogue one is for the neurodivergents and the mental illness girlies?

[helloalycia]

a bitch [one] // leigh shaw

summary: you're used to leigh's constant mood swings and unpredictability, but didn't expect she'd ever do something to hurt you like she did.

warning/s: cheating

author's note: an angsty leigh shaw imagine was requested, so here we are! there's one more part to this so enjoy 😊

part two | masterlist | wattpad

Leigh Shaw could be a very unpredictable woman.

Ever since the unfortunate death of her husband, Matt, she'd become very erratic. It was hard to remember what she was like before he died, but then she'd flash me a smile and say something adorable and I remembered. Other times though, she could be as explosive as they came. If you ever got swept up in her mood swings, you'd be screwed.

Despite this, I remained by her side. That's what best friends did. Even when she yelled at me or gave me the cold shoulder or treated me like dirt, I stayed because I knew that was what she needed.

One time, a few months after Matt's death, I was stopping by to see how she was. A prime example of the cold effect she could have on people.

I raised my hand to knock, but the door suddenly swung open, revealing a peeved Jules and a pissed Leigh further behind her in the hallway.

"Hey," I greeted her sister with a smile, but she moved past me moodily. I glanced at Leigh before catching Jules' arm, stopping her. "What happened?"

Jules smiled bitterly. "You know, you should reconsider where you put your care, Y/N. Some people just aren't worth it."

At that last part, she glared over my shoulder, no doubt at Leigh. I turned to look at Leigh, who merely stuck a middle finger up at her sister before storming towards to the kitchen.

"What a bitch," Jules mumbled, making me wince because it was such a horrible word.

Jules shook me off before marching to her car to leave. I sighed and turned around to let myself in to their house. Closing the door behind me, I followed after Leigh and found her making toast in the kitchen angrily.

"Hey," I began softly, not wanting to give her another reason to get pissed off. Sitting on a stool at the island, I asked, "What happened?"

She forced a smile as she grabbed her toast from the toaster and dropped it on a plate. "My sister can't respect my space is all."

I pursed my lips awkwardly, watching as she grabbed butter from the fridge. Noticing my silence, she glanced up at me through her eyelashes.

"What?" she deadpanned, pausing from her actions.

"I don't think Jules is trying to upset you," I began, knowing I'd probably regret it. "I'm sure she understands you want space, but she loves you. And when you see someone you love hurting, you feel like you have to do something."

A sour smile broke out on her face as she scoffed. "Wow. Could you have your head stuck any further up Jules' arse?"

"Leigh, that's not what I'm–"

"What the hell are you even doing here?" she snapped. "I didn't invite you, Y/N."

Tensing my jaw, I refrained from getting annoyed. "Believe it or not, I actually wanted to check on you."

She curled her lips into a frown. "Well, I'm fine."

As if to prove that she was, she continued to butter her toast, but when she set her knife down, it slipped off the edge of the table and clattered to the floor. Frustrated, she slammed a fist on the countertop.

"It's okay, I'll–"

"Just get out," she cut me off when I was making a move to help her. I paused, wondering if she meant it, then her deadly green glare settled on my face. "Leave."

Sighing with defeat, I nodded and wordlessly left.

—

Sometimes Leigh wouldn't apologise. She'd act like nothing had happened and we'd move on. Other times, she actually would, surprisingly recognising that she'd done something wrong.

There was this one time when I'd invited her over for the evening to eat dinner and watch some films. The dinner went perfectly fine – we talked, we laughed, we spent time together – but then when we settled in the living room to watch a film, things started to unravel.

I can't remember exactly what she'd said. One second we were choosing a film on Netflix, then she was trying to make plans with me on the weekend. Unfortunately, I already had plans with my girlfriend, Alex, and Leigh didn't seem to like this. She'd made a comment under her breath and though I don't remember it specifically, I knew it wasn't polite.

Before I knew it, we were screaming at each other, arguing over the dumbest things. It started off being about my girlfriend and then the most unrelated stuff was being brought up on both of our ends. Sometimes she could be so aggravating, managing to rile me up and bring the worst out in me. The argument lasted a few minutes before she left, leaving me seething and full of hurt.

It was the following day at work when she came to see me next. I owned a café a few doors down from her mother's dance studio and was working a shift when her sister came through the front door.

I smiled at her when she approached the counter dressed in gym gear, her usual getup when at work with her family.

"Hey, how're you doing, Jules?" I asked.

"I'm good," she greeted with a smile, before it faded. "Just a warning, Y/N, Leigh is incoming in one minute. She wants to apologise."

Eyes rolling with mild annoyance, I let out a sigh. As dreadful as our spat was last night, I knew I had to also apologise to her. I'd said some hurtful things that made me feel all icky inside. Going to sleep after a fight was never a nice feeling.

"I don't know how you've put up with her for this long," Jules commented, picking up a cupcake from the display. "She can be so horrible to you."

I frowned, not feeling comfortable talking badly of Leigh behind her back. "That's not fair, Jules. You know what she's going through."

Jules gave me a knowing look. "I do, but that doesn't give her a free pass to treat you like she does."

Shrugging, I busied myself with cleaning up the crumbs from Jules' cupcake and giving her a plate.

"I take it you're going to forgive her then," she stated, though she definitely knew the answer judging from her expression.

"We both said some things we shouldn't have," I tried to explain so it didn't seem like I was giving in so easily, which deep down, I definitely knew I was, but Leigh was worth it.

Jules chuckled. "Yep, you're forgiving her. Looks like it's Leigh's lucky day."

I didn't say anything as she picked up the plate, ready to take a seat at one of the tables. Just as she was about to leave, she paused thoughtfully.

"You know, if you didn't have a girlfriend already, I'd say you were whipped," she said casually.

Ignoring her words, I watched her take her a seat on one of the spare tables. She made jokes like that a lot, but the truth was that I would probably do anything for Leigh. We'd been best friends since university – that was way too long to simply throw away our friendship because she was going through a tough time. And yes, the girlfriend talk threw me off at times... by the time I'd realised I liked Leigh as more than a friend, she was engaged. And I got over it, but Jules continued with the jokes and I continued to dismiss it.

As Jules warned, Leigh entered the café and caught my eyes with a nervous smile. I returned it, just as nervous as she looked, before watching her approach the counter. She was dressed in gym gear, like her sister, but a fine layer of sweat coated her skin which made me think she may have just finished teaching a class.

"Hey," she said with a rare gentleness to her voice. Her hands rested on the counter, fumbling slightly, before she put them by her sides instead. "How are you?"

Uncomfortably, I played with a loose thread on my apron. "I've been better, not gonna lie."

She exhaled regretfully. "I want to apologise, Y/N. Last night... it wasn't fair what I did. Just snapping at you like that."

I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet and avoided her eyes.

"I just get so angry sometimes," she admitted, noticing I wouldn't speak. She sounded exhausted and I looked up to see her running a hand through her hair. "I can't explain it. My anger at you wasn't about Alex or the plans, it was just me."

"It's because you're still hurting," I told her what I'd observed, shoulders relaxing. "And you're not very good at expressing that."

She shook her head, eyes drifting to the till distractedly. "I should be because I keep hurting the people I love."

My heart ached at the devastation in her voice and I put my hand out, motioning for her to take it. Thankfully, she did and I squeezed hers gently.

"Look, let's just forget it happened," I said with a small smile. "I... I didn't exactly say the nicest of things either."

She grimaced, letting go of my hand. "No, I get why you said it. It wasn't fair of me to just start on you like that. You were just defending your girlfriend... God, I can be such a bitch sometimes."

I winced at the word, it grating my ears. "That's not true, Leigh."

"It is." She nodded slowly, rolling her eyes. "Everybody thinks it. Including you."

"I don't think that," I said with creased brows, meeting her saddened eyes. "You're not a bitch. I've never once thought that."

"Really?" She raised a brow, smiling with defeat. "Not even that time when I stole your doughnuts after that fight we had two weeks ago?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Not even when I snapped at you for no reason the other day when you tried to help me write my article?"

"Not even then."

Her expression softened with guilt. "Not even when I called you a selfish jerk last night for not wanting to spend time with me even though you have a life of your own?"

I rounded the counter and stopped before her, looking between her guilt-ridden eyes. "Especially not then, Leigh."

She breathed out quietly and I pulled her in for a hug, glad when I felt her relax beneath me. Her arms clasped around my waist and I was glad we were good again.

—

It was a year later when Leigh and I eventually got together as a couple. It was a long time after I broke up with my girlfriend and it was completely unexpected.

I'd invited Leigh to be my 'date' to my mum's birthday party, since the two had gotten on so well in the past. She was happy to oblige, but as soon as we arrived, her mood changed.

I was helping collect the pizzas from the delivery guy when he started to flirt with me. At the time, I didn't even realise, but I knew that Leigh had acted different since it happened. When I finally confronted her about her sudden mood swing, she proceeded to make out with me completely unexpectedly and then admitted she was in love with me.

I'm not gonna lie, it was a good time. Since breaking up with my girlfriend, I'd been single and falling for my best friend all over again. Leigh making the first move was all I'd needed to finally share how I felt, too.

That was six months ago, and since then, we'd been going strong. Of course, there were still times when she had her mood swings and took it out on me (and literally everyone else) without realising, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. I was used to it, used to her. So much that I should have trusted her even when presented with conflicting evidence.

We were at her workplace, Basically News, where she wrote columns part-time. It was a work party she'd been invited to and she'd asked me to be her date, which of course I said yes to. At the moment, we may or may not have been a little tipsy as we stood in the corner, drinking from flutes of champagne.

"Thank you again for coming here tonight as my date," Leigh said with a grin, arms laced around my neck as she held me close.

Pressing a kiss to my lips briefly, she pulled away and left my head spinning, and not just because of the alcohol.

"Any excuse to not be on the closing shift at work is good enough for me," I said playfully, resting my hands behind her waist.

She gasped. "Oh? So it wasn't me who persuaded you to come tonight?"

I pulled a face, feigning forgetfulness. "Hmm, I'm not too sure. Maybe you'll have to remind me why I agreed to come."

She bit her lip to contain her grin, eyes flickering to my lips. Leaning in, her lips met mine and I closed my eyes, enjoying the way she combed her hand through my hair and tilted my head towards her so she could get better access. She was a really good kisser and she knew the effect she had on me as I felt her smirk into it, catching her breath, before chasing down my lips and nibbling on them temptingly.

Remembering where we were, I gently pushed her back and tried to contain my smile. "Make it PG, Leigh. You're at work."

She licked her lips and began to laugh, green eyes darting between mine. "You're just so cute."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "I don't want everyone here knowing how irresistible you are or they might try to steal you away."

Her laughter filled the air, making my stomach flip at the sound.

"Though I think they may already know that because of how sexy you look tonight," I added, eyes fluttering down her body to appreciate just how well she pulled off her fitted black dress.

She raised her brows with surprise, making me mirror her expression comically.

Leaning close to my ear, she said above a whisper, "D'you wanna know something not-so-sexy?"

Her breath tickled my ear and sent shivers down my spine, making me tense up slightly. Judging from the expression on her face, she was very much aware of what she was doing to me.

"What?" I asked with amusement.

"I really need to pee," she said, and I began to laugh because she did, too, and I knew she wasn't kidding. Pressing a kiss to my cheek, she added, "I'll be right back."

Letting go of me, she waved goodbye before going to the toilets. I busied myself with getting to know her colleagues whilst I waited, until five minutes had passed and I realised she still hadn't returned. Deciding to check on her, I headed in the direction of the toilets, only to freeze when I saw something I definitely wasn't expecting.

Leigh was kissing another girl outside of them.

It was her colleague, Abby, that was the first thing I noticed. But I didn't stay to make out anything more as I immediately turned around and walked away, trying to make my brain catch up to what I'd just seen.

Leigh was kissing somebody else. Somebody that wasn't me. Somebody who I had always suspected had a thing for her, but I never considered that maybe Leigh had a thing for her, too.

Definitely not tipsy anymore, I found the nearest table and took a seat, trying not to assume the worst. But how else could I perceive what I'd just seen? It could have been a mistake, though I was so shocked and hurt and angry that I couldn't imagine how. Maybe she'd explain herself to me. Or maybe she'd tell me what actually happened. Maybe.

Leigh returned not long after, finding me at the table. Smiling like nothing had happened, she pulled me up and led me to dance. Not once, for the remainder of the evening, did she suggest that anything was out of the ordinary, nor did she explain herself. And I couldn't help but wonder how I had the worst luck with women.

This one hurt way more than the last time because it wasn't just anyone – it was Leigh.

—

A year and a half ago:

"Danny mentioned the breakdown you had last week because they didn't have doughnuts, so I, er, brought you these just in case."

Leigh cracked a small smile in the passenger's seat before accepting the box I held out to her. I'd just parked up outside the place where she went to her grief counselling group, having offered to drop her off. It had only been a few months since Matt died, but sometimes, the old Leigh shone back through and it made me feel hopeful that she'd make it through this.

"Thank you," she said genuinely, fingers wavering on top of the box, before she lifted her gaze to meet mine. "And thanks for the ride. You didn't have to."

I shrugged, thumb tapping the steering wheel mindlessly. "I don't mind. I just wanna make sure you get here okay."

She sighed, shaking her head, though a ghost of a smile was on her lips.

"Text me when you're done and I'll be happy to pick you up, too," I added casually.

"Thanks," she repeated, though didn't make a move to leave my car just yet. I didn't rush her.

Sadly, the silence was broken when my phone began to ring and my girlfriend's name flashed on the screen in my car where my phone was connected to. Glancing at Leigh, I just about made out the eye-roll she did.

"Sorry," I apologised, before declining the call instantly.

"Why d'you do that? Could've been urgent," she said with a clipped tone.

Oh, no, I thought. Whenever she used that tone, it meant she was picking a fight.

"I'm here with you," I said like it was obvious, hoping that one thing didn't ruin the moment.

She tensed her jaw, looking down as her hair fell around her face. "Whatever."

Before I could think of a way to make her feel better, the screen lit up again and my ringtone echoed through the car. I winced at the glare Leigh sent to the screen. If looks could kill, my car would be toast.

Declining the call, I looked to her worriedly. "What's wrong, Leigh?"

Her glare fell to me. "Why the hell do you keep declining it? She's calling you for a reason."

I raised my eyebrows. "Because I'm here with you? Alex can wait. I'm taking you to grief group."

"Well, I'm here at grief group," she mocked, turning to face me with an unexplainable frustration.

I didn't understand why she was so touchy all of a sudden. The car ride here, she'd been fine. Just a moment ago, she'd been fine. But now... now she was acting unreasonable.

My phone buzzed in my pocket suddenly, followed by a tone that signalled I had a text. Leigh smiled bitterly, rolling her eyes.

"Let me guess," she muttered. "It's her."

Still very much unable to keep up with her mood swings, I didn't answer. Her gaze snapped to mine as she stared at me with disbelief.

"Why the fuck aren't you checking it?!"

I grimaced, my own exasperation slipping out when I blurted, "I'm a little confused to what you want from me right now, Leigh!" Breathing out slowly, I said, "I'm sorry if this is bothering you. I'll turn off my phone next time."

As if I'd deeply offended her, she raised a brow incredulously. "Are you kidding me? Why would this bother me?"

Okay, I was extremely confused now.

"I don't know," I admitted, bewildered.

"Is that what you think of me? Some clingy bitch who won't let you live your life?"

I widened my eyes. "What?! Leigh! I never said–"

"Sorry if taking me is such a task," she said abruptly, moving to put the box of doughnuts on the dashboard.

"I never said that," I told her sternly.

"You didn't have to. I know already. I'm just a burden on everyone."

She got out of the car and slammed the door shut behind her. Meanwhile, my confusion was still trying to make out what the hell just happened.

"Don't bother picking me up," she said through the open window of the passenger's door. A scowl was on her face as she added, "You should go spend time with Alex. She's probably missing you."

Breathing out, I leaned back into my seat and watched her walk away and to the entrance of the building. When she acted like this – so push and pull with her emotions – I was so conflicted. What could possibly be going on in her mind that she managed to flip everything that just happened? A complete 180?

Knowing she'd just need some time to cool off, I shook my head and focused on leaving. But then I remembered my phone went off and pulled it out to see what was so important. Aside from two missed calls from Alex, I saw I had a voicemail, too, not a text.

Grumbling fo myself, still disgruntled by Leigh's attitude, I raised the phone to my ear to have a listen, whilst hoping it wasn't actually anything life-threatening.

At first, all I could hear was some very faint laughing and vague noises, kind of like material rubbing together and breathing. I assumed Alex had left me a voicemail without even realising since I'd done that countless of times to other people, having dropped my phone in my bag without realising it was still on. But then the noises became more distinct and I made out words.

"Jake, stop messing about," a voice said, whom I instantly recognised as my girlfriend.

I furrowed my brows. Jake? Jake as in the guy she worked with Jake?

"If you stop teasing me then maybe I will," a gravelly yet devious voice responded.

My throat went dry when I heard more laughter before it went quiet. It didn't take a genius to understand what was happening, especially when the moans that followed echoed in my ear, begging me not to forget.

Unable to listen anymore, I hung up and threw my phone onto the passenger's seat. Tears welled in my eyes as I glanced over at it hesitantly, almost wishing it hadn't even existed. And as much as I didn't want to accept the glaring fact, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

She was cheating on me.

[xpeachesncream]

bands | thirteen

[ series masterlist ]

summary: jeon jungkook has it all: the looks, the fame, the money, the women. being considered the sexiest man in the industry, he finds no complaints about the way his life is going nor does he find any reason to apologize for the way he approaches it. he is a force to be reckoned with - until he meets you.

pairing: stripper!reader x idol!jjk

genre: (18+) strip club/nightlife au, post grad au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 3.9k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, slight degradation, trouble stirring behind the scenes if you squint, yeonjun and soobin (txt) make an appearance but also as reg 18 yr olds lol

tags: @brightcolorsoffendme​ @min-nicoleee​ @eggbutnotyolk​ @ra-mun-e @miinoongi​ @jimidol​ @ppeachyttae​ @thebeebi​ @bluesharksandfish​ @kooafraid​ @liriaus​ @thisartemisnevermisses​ @ggukkieland​ @preciouschimine​ @sunniejinnie​ @cypheruby​ @cyb3rbab3​ @masterlists101​ @awhnamjoon​ @redhedhoseok​ @wooya1224​ @taeismydeath @jikookiekosmos​ @un2-verse​ @aynsx​ @wearenot7withu​ (please message me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"BTS' Jeon Jungkook rumored to be dating stripper from nightclub!"

"Jungkook is no longer single, ladies!"

"Jeon Jungkook is dating a stripper? Why the hell is he doing that?"

"Who the hell does she think she is? I bet she's not even pretty."

"Jungkook fell for a stripper? Out of all people? Damn, and I thought he was better than that."

Jungkook has been tired, the rumors constantly being spread day in and day out. But, it still didn't mean he was gonna say shit to prove himself to people out there. He didn't need to give anybody answers. Hell, this was strictly between you and him and that's how he wants to keep it.

Fuck every single one of you who didn't wanna be behind him and support him. Don't even think about calling yourself a fan of his if that's your mindset.

He could truly care less. He was happy and he felt ten times better than he has in a really long time. It's unfortunate how people love to stay narrow minded. The only thing that bothered him was the fact that it was so unfair for you - how they stuck to that stripper image, rather than really getting to know you beneath the surface.

But it's not like anyone else deserved to know the real you, not after all this shit. And he was gonna keep it that way, and protect you.

"Hey, don't listen to any of that shit, okay?" Jungkook says as he meets you in your car in the BigHit building garage. "None of that matters to me."

"I know, but Kook." You look at him. "Your career, BigHit literally might not even want me here and-and—"

"Then I'll make sure they understand it's not an issue, because it's really fucking not." He says, getting irritated only at the thought of the company giving him issues over you. He watches as you slightly frown, causing him to sigh and soften his own facial expression. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get worked up like that. It's just annoying how people are narrow-minded. This has absolutely nothing to do with you." You give him a small smile. "Come on, I'll walk you." You silently nod and hop out of your car. You follow beside him, your stomach in knots having to meet with their performance director. This meant you'd also most likely run into the rest of Bangtan.

In which happens to turn true pretty quickly.

"Jungkookie!" Hoseok says loudly down the hallway as he approaches the both of you. He does nothing besides smile, curiosity definitely filling his eyes.

"This is Y/N. Y/N, Hoseok hyung." He holds out his hand for you to shake, his head tilting ever so slightly because you know he's familiar with your face. He's just trying to remember from where. Or, he has recognized you, but he's trying his hardest not to say anything.

Cause they have seen all of you, especially in that fishnet bodysuit.

"Hi! Nice to meet you! You can call me Hobi for short. Are you meeting with someone?" You nod.

"Yeah." Is all you can reply with as you shyly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Nice, goodluck!"

"Is everyone else here?" Jungkook asks, making Hobi nod.

"Yeah, but they're still running through some stuff in the dance studio. I just ran off to take a break."

"Okay." Jungkook looks at you. "Follow me, he's in one of the private studio rooms." You both part ways from Hoseok, the need to clutch onto Jungkook's arm immensely strong right now. You hold yourself off though, because even with passing a few female staff members, you catch them looking at you oddly with the way you're walking side by side with Jungkook.

Nope. Don't even think about it, Y/N. It doesn't matter.

Jungkook knocks softly on a door, the middle of it being made up of entirely frosted glass so it's difficult to see inside. Their performance director opens the door swiftly and welcomes you in with a warm smile, stepping aside to let you in.

"I've got it from here, Jungkookie. Thank you." Jungkook nods but tries to peek through the door to get one last glimpse of your face before he shuts it fully. "How are you doing, Y/N?" He sits in front of you, leaning onto his knees with his hands fully clasped together.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Good, tired." He chuckles. "Thanks for taking my call earlier and for meeting at such short notice on a weekend. I had a couple of things come up and didn't want to push things off until later." You smile.

"It's no problem."

"Jungkook tells me a lot about you."

"Does he now?" You chuckle and tilt your head to the side.

"Says you're a really good person. Super hardworking. Told me a little bit about your situation with your brother."

"Mmyeah, it's a little complicated."

"It's alright, no need to get into the details." He smiles before letting out a small sigh. "It's incredibly rare for me to hear Jungkook speak like that. In general. He's usually very closed off, doesn't like to let people in much. He really respects you, you know? Cares about you a whole lot." You slightly blush.

"I'm still getting used to it." He chuckled.

"Look, I know you've been worrying because of where you've been and all that, but I want to reassure you that none of it matters. I don't like to focus on all that. You're here as you, not her." He says, putting another pronoun to your stripper persona.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." He nods. There's a small pause before he begins to speak again.

"I could really use some help around here if you're still interested? The boys are becoming a lot for me to handle."

"Ah-uh, yeah! Of course I am." You found yourself stuttering at the sudden offer. Was this fucking real?! "But, you are aware of where me and Jungkook are at, right?" You ask, trying to be completely transparent and honest about their relationship. He nods and waves his hand out.

"As long as you keep it professional here, right?" You nod.

"Right."

"Come, let me show you around really quickly and have you formally meet the boys." You swallowed the lump in your throat. Fucking great. He definitely didn't know they've all seen your titties and pussy out during Yoongi's birthday, and now here you were - about to meet them again in this environment. Hobi was awkward enough even though he tried not to be.

Surprisingly, Jungkook wasn't waiting outside in the hallway like you thought he would be, but the tour commences and the PD is taking you around pretty quickly. You feel even more awkward and somewhat alone [even though you weren't] without Jungkook nearby, but you chug along and say your hello's to the people you're introduced to. He finally brings you into the dance studio, where there's loud ass music blasting, Jungkook, the boys and some backup dancers in front of the mirrors fooling around.

"Aye boys, come here real quick." You and Jimin lock eyes and your body suddenly gets tense. The room feels 10x hotter than it already is, especially when he slowly walks over and clenches his jaw. He is literally seeping with hate right now, maybe actually disgust, and he doesn't even try to hide it. Most of them for sure recognize you, but they seem to brush it off and give you a big wave/smile anyway.

"Last, that's Jimin - Jimin, Y/N." You give Jimin a fake smile, and the only thing his ass can reciprocate is the smallest, tight-lipped smile you have ever seen. You've never even seen your mom do that when she got mad or upset with you.

"Hi." Is all you can say.

"Sup." He looks at you before turning on his heel and walking away.

"Ooookay?" Namjoon furrows his brows as he watches Jimin walk away so rudely. "The hell was that about?"

"I knew that was Kookie's girlfriend! Maybe Jiminie remembers seeing her titties and shit too, needs to walk away before he gets his ass beat by him." Yoongi says lowly behind Namjoon.

"Yeah, like you're any better." Namjoon says, looking at Yoongi weirdly.

"I mean, we did see her practically naked." Jin says, chiming into the discussion.

"I touched her." Yoongi's mouth slightly hangs down. "I touched her."

"Go ahead, say it louder so Kookie can hear you." Jin nods sarcastically. "Go, say it!"

"No, stop." Yoongi's cheeks turn red while shaking his head and laughing. "He'll literally launch me out the window with one hand."

"Good."

"You asked for her to sit on your lap too, bro!"

"I was joking, and it's not like she did it anyway!"

"Whatever, I'm keeping my birthday deep in my memory storage."

"Clean slate for her so it should be for you too, my guy." Namjoon says as he has enough of their conversation.

You look at Jungkook who is silently standing there, looking like a big dork with a huge smile on his face and his thumbs up. You give him the tiniest nod before proceeding to follow the PD out.

"So?!" Jungkook dashes to meet you in their waiting room area, where an abnormally large picture of Jimin posing oddly hung up.

"He said he'll send me all the info and papers and stuff!" You respond excitedly as Kook hugs you and quickly swings you around.

"See, I knew it would work out!" He puts you down. "Are you gonna tell Kai?" You shook your head.

"Not today at least, it's his birthday and I don't wanna take away from that. It's his day." Jungkook smiles at you.

"Text me when you've picked him up? I should be home by then."

"Okay." You blush and back away, making Jungkook look at you with confusion. "I have to keep it professional here, duh."

"Ah I see." He chuckles. "That won't last very long."

"Jungkook." You whine.

"There's a lot of private rooms here and—"

"I'm not listening, sorry. I think Kai is suddenly calling me." You cover your ears as you begin to walk away, giving him one last smile before leaving him to the rest of rehearsals and whatever else they're doing. He laughs to himself as he waves you off, excited to get through the day so he can just spend time with you and Kai.

As the hours go on and it's about time for you to pick Kai up, you quickly stop by the store because you're a procrastinator and didn't buy Kai's birthday gift any earlier. You felt bad you weren't able to find the shoes he wanted, but you at least snagged the video game he had been talking about for a couple of days now. Before walking into the arcade, you made sure to write your birthday card and slip some more money into it before shoving it in your bag to give to him later.

"Your pretty sister is here." Yeonjun grabs Kai by the shoulder as he finishes up a game.

"Yeah, and you're too young for her."

"Age is nothing but a number. It's only like.. 6 years apart."

"Besides, she's taken, dude. Sorry." Kai snorts as he watches Yeonjun's smile fade. "You would have never had the chance."

"You're mean."

"I'm mean, or you just have really high, unrealistic expectations?" The rest of their friends laugh as they follow Kai over to you.

"Hey!" You smile at all his friends.

"Hiiiiii Y/N." They all say in unison, some waving in awe, while the others shyly dug their hands into their pockets. "Birthday boy, you all good to go? Got some good Loco Moco waiting for you."

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Happy birthday again, Kai! Get online later!" Soobin yells out.

"Yeah, yeah." He says, waving them off as he follows you out to your car.

"You guys run through the entire arcade?" Kai laughs.

"Pretty much." He sinks into his seat, legs damn near touching the glove compartment with how long he is. "I'm honestly so excited for Loco Moco. It's been years!"

"It has not been that long." You laughed.

"You're right, it's been months." Kai looks out the window. "Wait, you're passing the road to get to our go-to shop though?"

"Cause I found a better place."

"How is there a better place when that one was already supreme?!"

"Hey, trust me on this okay?" You laugh. Kai starts telling you about his day and how so many people he knew from school had been messaging him happy birthday. He truly looked his happiest today and it was all you could ask for. Though at the same time, your heart slightly sank at the fact that he'd be going off to uni soon and staying at the dorms. He was just growing up way too fast, and you wanted to spend as much time as you could with him now before he was too occupied being a college boy.

You slipped yourself past Jungkook's security, parking in the one guest spot they have in the garage that's closest to the elevator. Kai doesn't really question it and hops out anyway, his hands in his pockets as he follows you into the elevator and onto Jungkook's floor.

"You ready, kid?"

"Is this some like, Michelin Star Loco Moco restaurant?"

"Ah, I guess you could say that." You knocked on the door, hearing music playing in the background. Jungkook opens the door and Kai's eyes widen.

"Oh shit, that's Jungkook?" Kook laughs and steps aside to let you both in. "Sis why—what—how come you didn't tell me we were seeing your boyfriend? I look like a mess!" He says lowly.

"You don't!"

"Hey Kai! Happy Birthday!" Jungkook says smiling, making Kai actually blush. He's cheeks are tinted with a rosy color and he suddenly gets all shy.

"Thanks."

"Your brother's tall." Jungkook looks at him up and down.

"Looking at an 18 year old 6 footer."

"Must be nice."

"Go sit." Kai silently nods as he sits awkwardly on Kook's couch, while you go and check in on him in the kitchen.

"Is he always that shy?"

"No. Just with you, apparently. He's not even that shy around girls." You chuckle as he places a quick kiss on your head. "Need my help?" You still ask even though the plates are neatly prepared already.

"Not really." He smiles down at you. "You hungry though?"

"Starving, actually." Your eyes light up at the plates. "Ouuuuuu, yum."

"Honestly, I think this batch might be better than my first."

"Still honored to be your guinea pig." You carry a plate over to Jungkook's coffee table in the living room.

"Oh shit, that looks amazing." Kai says, slipping himself down from the couch to the floor so he could get a good whiff of the plate. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Jungkook hands you the remote before walking into his room. "Pick something."

"Here, birthday boy. Help me choose."

"Let's watch Soul on Disney+." At this point, Jungkook comes out of his room with a wrapped present, his eyes locked on the TV.

"Ooh, I keep seeing this everywhere! Niceeeee." Jungkook says, smiling with Kai nodding and already digging into his plate. "By the way, this is for you." You shoot him a look as he sits on the floor by you, watching as Kai unwraps the present. Kai's eyes light up as he sees a shoebox underneath the wrapping, quickly flipping the lid open to reveal those blue Air Jordans he wanted.

"Kook?!" You say lowly, making him smile at you and gently pinch your side.

"Holy shit!" He holds out a shoe, only for him to immediately shake his head and close the box again. "Jungkook, I can't take this." Kai says.

"No, it's your birthday."

"Yeah, but isn't this expensive? You've already done so much for me and my sister, I-I don't want to—"

"Kai, it's cool. If it's one thing you can do to repay me, it's to take my present." You literally want to cry at how sweet Jungkook is being with your brother. He had been good to you, no doubt, but this was one thing you didn't expect from him at all. Quite frankly, you had forgotten you mentioned the shoes to him. The fact that he actually remembered and kept his word.

"Okay." Kai says, gently setting the box down aside before looking at Jungkook with a small smile on his face. "Thank you. I really appreciate it. Like, even with the food and everything. It means a lot to me."

"You're welcome." You give him a soft smile before digging into your food while Soul was already off to a start. Kai and Jungkook devour their food together, with you following shortly behind as Jungkook brings over a small ice cream cake from his fridge for Kai to blow his candles on. After the boys had helped themselves to a good serving of the cake, they started getting hyper and pulled up Smash Bros on Kook's Nintendo Switch [as if Kai hadn't played enough games today]. It started to get intense; the boys jumping and yelling everywhere, bouncing off of the walls, with you getting pulled into the competition every now and then. Even though you knew you'd lost over and over again, you happily joined in anyway, seeing how excited your brother was - plus, it was always a bonus to hear Jungkook's loudly obnoxious, nerdy laugh.

"I WIN!"

"Hey, hey, hey. I let you win because it's your birthday." Jungkook said, making Kai laugh as he crashed to the floor.

"Sure." Kai huffed and puffed. "Crap, I'm tired. What time is it?"

"Almost midnight. We should start heading out, bubba." You patted Kai's chest gently.

"What? No, it's late. Why don't you two just stay here?" You suddenly remembered you've had Kai's shit in your trunk since you dropped him off at Yeonjun's this morning. You didn't have any change of clothes, but that could easily be fixed with Jungkook's closet.

"Only if the queen wants, she's driving."

"It's late, baby." Jungkook says to you softly. "No way I'm letting you two head out there."

"Okay." You give him a small smile before handing your keys. "Can you do me a favor?" He chuckles.

"What is it?"

"Kai's duffle bag is in my trunk." He nods and takes your keys.

"I got it. Kai, you can take the guest room or my office room." Jungkook says with his 3-bedroom apartment having ass. "I have my computer in my office room though, and a pull out bed. I don't know how comfy you'll be."

"It's cool, I'll just take your guest room. I always bring my laptop and switch whenever I sleep at my sister's." Kai says getting up. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Jungkook says, toothlessly smiling at the both of you, completely endeared at how alike you two were - even down to the fact that you both said thank you for every little thing. If this was a result of Kai being close to you and having you as pretty much his mother figure, then Jungkook wouldn't know what to do with his feelings. He felt butterflies every time he thought about how cute and sweet you were, and he was always excited to be around you.

Jungkook does a quick jog to your car, grabbing Kai's Nike duffle from your trunk before jogging back to the elevator and back to his apartment. He walks in to see Kai helping you clean up the remaining dishes in the sink, tidying the rest of the things in his kitchen.

"Thank you." Jungkook says himself, a little unfamiliar with saying such a thing to be completely honest.

"You're welcome." You say softly, wiping your hands on his hand towel. "Off to bed, or are you gonna go online with your friends?"

"I'll see what they're up to, but I'm pretty beat. Today was fun." Kai smiles at the both of you. "I really appreciate it." You ruffle his hair a bit before gently pushing him towards his bedroom for the night.

"Bathroom's right over there, help yourself to anything you need."

"Don't stay up too late."

"Only if you aren't too loud." You gasp while Jungkook laughs out loud.

"Kai!"

"Hey, I'm just being honest. Please remember that I'm right in this room."

"Oh my god, go to bed." You shove him inside the room and shut his door. "Don't even say a word." You look at Jungkook shyly as you hurriedly brush past him to get into his room - even though Jungkook is literally right behind you with those long ass legs of his, making every stride so much easier for him to catch up to you.

"What's your outfit of choice tonight, pretty lady?" He shuts his door behind him as you start to make your way into his closet.

"Hm, I'll just wear this plain black--" You unfold it. "Balenciaga? Okay, I definitely can't just wear this to sleep."

"Why not?"

"Because this is like, name brand and everything."

"So?" He shrugs. "Just wear it, babygirl. It's not gonna make much of a difference, you're wearing it either way." You do a slight pout before you start to slip out of your clothes to get into his shirt. You make his way to his bathroom to take a little tinkle when you notice another toothbrush sitting next to his. A pink toothbrush, next to his blue one.

"Why do you have two toothbrushes?" You wash your hands as he comes in to the bathroom to start getting ready for bed.

"That's yours." Your eyes light up at his statement.

"Mine?"

"I figured since you'd be over more, it'd be easier for you." He furrows his brows lightly. "Unless.. you didn't want--" You press a kiss against his lips, his hands resting on your arms to keep you close.

"No, I did want that. Thank you."

"Of course, baby." He pecks your forehead.

"By the way, way to make me look like such a bad sister!" You say as you start getting your toothbrush ready.

"Why? The shoes?"

"The shoes, the Loco Moco, the games, the ice cream cake." You laughed. "I literally got him a video game and some money."

"I mean, he is turning 18. I wanted to help make it as memorable as possible."

"I appreciate you a lot. Really."

"I appreciate you too." Your eyes widen as you brush your teeth.

"Waaaaow, say thaht wun mohr tiyme." You say, pulling a Jungkook while brushing your teeth.

"Eye apprushiate yoh toh." You giggle. The both of you finish getting ready for bed before slipping into his warm sheets. Jungkook never goes to sleep early, however, he makes sure all the lights are off and that the show he's watching isn't too loud. You have no idea what's going on in his show, but you lay on his chest to watch for a little bit until you feel yourself getting a little more sleepy. He's holding you close, his hand brushing through your hair softly, causing tingles to ripple through your body.

"Kook."

"Yes, baby?"

"You make me happy." You say sleepily as you hung him tighter. He smiles down at you, your eyes now shut close as you slowly start to drift into a deep sleep. He presses a light kiss against your head, fingers still in your hair.

"You make me happy too, sweetheart."

[babytaes]

The Kickback

summary: What happens when your long-life crush's secret is discovered? In hopes of not wanting him to find out, what do you do... nothing.

pairing: dk x female reader

genre: fluff, slice of life, crack lol.

warnings: profanity

word count: 3k

a/n: today is my birthday and I wanted to share this one that has been in my drafts for so long. this campus life is stressful but I’m finding time to upload here and there. I hope you enjoy and have a great day/night. Much love from Babytaes! :) Also I really didn’t read this over sooo... if it doesn’t make sense. Take it up with corporation. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“Dear diary, I saw my crush today. I saw him in the living room after my brother invited him over with another friend. It's not as if I'm scared of him. I've spoken with him numerous times. I mean, I'm almost fluent in his language, lol. Seeing him and hearing his boisterous laugh was still entertaining. I'm wondering if he'll be at the kickback this weekend; if so, maybe I'll have the bravery to approach him. Okay, goodbye journal, love y/n.”

Your life consisted of short, insignificant interactions with him; however, when you had a crush, life was exciting and unpredictable. Since you're so near to him on a daily basis, your crush increased exponentially as you couldn't control your intrusive thoughts.

Yes, you did think of him, probably 25/8. It's not like you didn't know him, but you only knew the head version of him. And we all know they could be two different people. So the only thing left to do is keep it secret.

It's impossible for your secret to come out when you're the only one who knows about it. Right? Unfortunately, this isn't a movie, and your secret was revealed, and the perpetrator was none other than your arch-nemesis, Boo Seungkwan.

Okay, not quite that far, but you and him frequently collided because you and him could never agree on anything. He's just Boo, and he has his own behavior category.

He was the second-to-last person you wanted to find out about, after your crush, of course. From this point on, your life was not going as planned.

Your secret would never be revealed to Lee Seokmin, and you would do anything to protect it.

“What are you doing?” You leapt to your feet as you hurriedly closed your diary, terrified of prying eyes.

You rolled your eyes and stuffed your journal into a drawer with random papers, saying, "Shit, why don't you ever knock."

“Well, this is my shared dorm, and you're basically free living here,” he chuckled. You gave him a sidelong glance.

He was right.

“Is that a way you treat your twin? Is it now.”

He strolled away, completely oblivious to your yelling, and into the kitchen.

“Shut up, and get your ass out here we have to go shopping for the kickback. If you’re not out in 10 I’m leaving your ass.”

Great sibling love, what more could you ask for.  As much as you know that this is the way he expresses his love, you still got up and started getting ready for the day despite his warning.

Amidst your constant disagreements with him, you still loved him. The only problem was that you had to keep your love interest hidden from him. You could see it now and the big brother trying to protect and all that annoying shit.

You were old enough to take care of yourself and you didn’t want unruly men to ruin something that you wanted for so long.

“Coming, if you leave me, I'll tell Mom.” And I think we can all agree that I am the favorite twin.” As he slammed the fridge door shut, you could hear his huge scoffs.

You hurriedly grabbed your purse and beanie as you dashed for the door, laughing at his tantrums. He had a habit of leaving you behind.

We will not speak of March 5, 2017.

“Hey, wait up,” you said as you ran to his car and jumped in before him, grabbing the aux before him.

He started the car and sped out of the dorm parking lot on his way to the store, saying, "You're such a pain in the ass."

“Oh, don't act as if you don't love me.”

“Whoever said I did must have lied to you. Mingyu laughed as he accelerated through Seoul's crowded streets.

The jokes, the laughter, and the love were all part of the experience of living with one of the biggest Kpop groups.

You wouldn’t have it any other way!

While listening to your playlist, the song "Come to You" perfectly complemented the mood.

You smiled as you passed many streets and watched the busy lives of many different people. You could say you had an imaginative mind.

We arrived at the store a long way down the road, grabbed one of the carts, and proceeded to a separate aisle of the store.

Buying stuff was always expensive with a party of 13 and more friends on the way. Almost everything had to be doubled, and the meat had to be tripled. When throwing a party, everyone is required to provide a dish.

You didn't seem to mind; after all, you weren't paying, so you just chilled on the cart while you watched Mingyu placed the goods in neatly.

You told Mingyu to grab a specific chip as you walked to the chip aisle, and he furrowed his brow.

“What are those? I've never seen them before.

"Dokyeom likes them," you blurted out without a second thought. As you mentally processed what you had said, you stared at him with wide eyes.

Shit.

“When they're not there, Dokyeom and Soonyoung get upset.” You shook your head and scooted by him, tossing two bags into the overflowing shopping cart.

“Oh-okay I guess you can get them.”

As you pushed the cart toward the cashier, you mentally slapped yourself in the face. You were certain that you would not crack.

The ride home was silent as the only noise was the continuous taps from Mingyu's fingers on the wheel.

Mingyu called wonwoo on his phone as he drove up to the dorm and asked him to help with the groceries.

As you heard Mingyu pout over the phone, he refused, and not even minutes after, wonwoo is strolling down the driveway on his way to the car.

“You shouldn't even have picked up I know I wouldn't"  Wonwoo pushed your shoulder and chuckled at your humor. “I know”

“Heyyy I'm right here,” Mingyu began to sulk as he observed his sister speaking without him.

You and wonwoo both chuckled as you gathered your belongings and began walking away from Mingyu.

---

The days went by slowly as you reached the door. It was time to leave the house. You grabbed a jacket and purse. Today, the boys went to Hybe for a quick practice session before heading out for the weekend.

Because you are such a good friend and thoughtful person, you decided to buy them a few drinks as a gift. It wasn't anything special, you didn't want to see anyone, noo.

It took some time to order everything, especially with the large number of 13 items. Since you've known each other for most of your lives, the drinks on the list haven't changed. Ice Americanos and Frappes were the most popular drinks.

As soon as you arrived at the Hybe building, you swiftly grabbed the bag containing the drinks and proceeded to their floor. You finally made it to their practice room after thanking the employees for their assistance.

Slowly pushing the door open, you drew the attention of almost everyone as they turned to face you. As a number of them raced over to you and took the beverages from you, smiles crept across their faces.

As they sipped their drinks, the room was filled with thank yous and hellos.

The voice of an angel said, "Thanks again, y/n." He gave you a short smile before returning to his practice. Oblivious to people around you, words spilled out.

“Fuck, he's so attractive.”

“Whose good looking?” As you slowly turned around, you heard a voice speaking to you from behind you.

Fuck

It's Boo Seungkwan. He smiled at you as he grabbed a drink from your hand. He cocked his head as he sipped it, and his eyes widened.

���Don’t tell me you said dokyeom is good looking, no fucking way.”

As you coughed to relieve the high tension in the air, you started to mentally sweat.

“That's insane, I said the room was in good condition," you said as you slapped his shoulder and shook your head.

Come on, y/n, that didn't even make sense.

“You know you're not going to fool me, y/n?” Afraid that someone would find out, you dragged him into a back room and locked the door behind him

“Shit..shit..shit. If you tell anyone, I swear I'll -

Laughing, before raising his eyebrows after taking a sip of his americano, he cut you off.

"You're right, this is important information. But you already know that I'll keep my mouth shut about the situation. I don’t even know what we’re talking about right now.”

Seungkwan heard dokyeom announce that practice had resumed as the door opened. Before he left, he smiled at you and waved goodbye.

“Y/n and dokyeom in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. As you were about to leap across the couch to silence him, he jumped up and ran out of the door laughing.

All of a sudden, your mind was filled with confusion and paranoia.

It became increasingly difficult to watch them practice as the session progressed. Your thoughts were not positive, and your attitude was slowly deteriorating.

Imagining the worst-case scenario. You paced in the back room when you heard a knock at the door. As you mentally prepared yourself, it caught you off guard. While walking side by side, Hansol and Seungkwan were whispering.

“Did they know?” You didn’t want anyone to find out so you ran, and didn’t stop running. To avoid society, you hurried out the door after saying a quick goodbye to the boys.

The goodbyes were not even heard as you hurried out of the Hybe parking lot without looking back. In a small group, information spreads quickly. And he was bound to find out.

Flushed and worried, you staggered into the dorm room. You knew your secret was going to get out eventually. In the case where Hansol and Seungkwan knew, Joshua is likely to know.

And since Joshua is close to the older boys, Seungcheol and Jeonghan know. The news would then spread to Hoshi, and then the entire performance team would be in the know.

The only remaining candidates are Mingyu and dk. If Mingyu finds out, it's game over for you at that point.

There was no point of living any more. Having completed a full loop of the house, you had come to your room for the final time. You slowly melted to the ground and fell out.

Dokyeon is more likely to know if Mingyu knows.

"What went wrong?" Unable to control yourself as you rolled around the floor, you erupted into a tantrum.

You sat up and shook your head, "I'll just have to leave the country," you said. "Man, you're so smart. Your plan y/n is fantastic."

You ran to your room, grabbed your suitcase from your closet, and began tossing things into.

No need to pack everything since you were only going to be gone for a year. As soon as your adrenaline slowed down, you began packing.

(A few hours later)

You were relieved when your clothes fit into your luggage when you had finally done packing. You were on your way now, and as long as it wasn't here, everything was good.

“Ah, I figured it out; now let's book it.”

When you approached the door, you unlocked it, and we were greeted with a pleasant surprise.

You walked up to the door and opened it, where you were greeted by Mingyu and his gang. Outside the door, you could see him, hao, dk, and wonwoo. They stared at you as they looked you up and down, perplexed as to why you appeared to be departing.

“Um, what is going on and where are you going?” Mingyu reacted with a rejoinder of his own.

Your throat felt as though it was clogging up, and you began sweating furiously under your armpits. Thank god for hoodies.

“Well, I was simply going to visit a friend's house,” you explained.

You knew he wouldn't believe you; he knew most of your friends, and they didn't live that far away for you to be carrying that much.

“First, that's a lie, and second, I need to speak with you, so your "buddy" will have to wait.” You sighed and closed your eyes.

Your escape had to wait.

Mingyu took your suitcase and slid it near the door, while the other members shuffled awkwardly into the room. While the other lads sat in the living room, Wonwoo went to his room.

“Maybe I could escape now?”

“What did you say y/n?” minghao said as he glanced at you.

You waved your hand in front of them and did a walk of shame to your room as you physically and mentally prepared yourself for whatever Mingyu had to say.

So much for your crush now.

Mingyu sat on the edge of your bed, arms crossed, staring at you.

“Sit down, he patted the bed on your side before lightly coughing.

"Some rumors have been going around, so I wanted to clear the air."

Seeing what he was about to say made your heart race, and you couldn't take it any longer. Does anyone else hear their loud banging, could Mingyu hear it?

You leapt to your feet and shouted at him before apologizing on your knees.

What a sight to see, a grown ass woman on her knees apologizing to her twin brother.

“I apologize; I should have told you first, but I was afraid you'd tell him. That's why I kept it a secret and plus dating a member of seventeen. That's dangerous enough-“.

Mingyu's "WHAT" cut you off.

You came to a halt as he got up, slowly staring up at him.

“Wait, weren't we discussing my crush on Dokyeom or something else?” Worries began to creep in as sweat began to accumulate on your brow.

“What the fuck, you have a crush on do-?” you exclaimed as you jumped to your feet and tackled Mingyu to the ground.

“Don't say it so loudly; he'll hear you.” As Mingyu began to pace around the room, as he pushed you off of him.

You could see his anger as he panicked, and his small rage tantrum was truly uncomfortable because he couldn't communicate his ideas to you because he was afraid of his companions' sensitive ears.

He pointed to the door and said, "Wait, so you do have a crush on him." You sighed, shaking your head.

As he walked away from you, he had another outburst.

Everything is now turning to shit, this was your only chance.

“I have to escape” you said as you dashed out the door and to your suitcase. Mingyu was standing behind you, staring at you in terror.

It wasn't in the plan for you to fall on him, but it was still nice. Focus y/n.

“I’m sorry, dokyeom; it was my fault. I didn't realize you were there. “Are you okay?” As you extended your hand to him, you pushed yourself off of him.

“Yeah, I'm OK, are you okay?” he asked. You've had quite a tumble.”

“Yeah I’m good, I live with a clumsily brother so I’m fine”

“Hey!"

You swiftly let go of each other and placed your hands behind your back as you became embarrassed.

“Hey, Seungcheol texted the group chat and said he wants to go out to eat. He said whoever can come.”

The boys instantly got ready as they wanted to eat, food is a great scapegoat. As you saw them exit the dorm, you took a step back and found your way back to your room.

“Is leaving still an option?” you murmured into your pillows, plopping your exhausted body on your bed and overthinking life.

---

You rolled over and looked at the clock, which reads 9:30 a.m.

You turned over in your bed, unable to yell, and trudged to the bathroom to make yourself presentable.

“What have you gotten yourself into, y/n?” You stripped off your clothing and stepped into the hot water after turning on the shower.

You didn't spend much time in the shower, but today you were engrossed in how your plan had devolved into this ordeal.

Resting your head on the tile as the hot water traced down your back, you contemplated on what the HELL you were going to do.

*BANG BANG*

“Y/n hurry up, we have to prepare.”

Hearing Mingyu's voice drew you back to reality as you turned off the water and got out of the shower, unlocking the door and letting him in.

“Hey, no snarky remark?” he said as he watched you walk to your room with your head down. You ignored him as you closed the door and prepared for the party.

It didn't take long for your calm disposition to be noticed, since you were the outspoken one. Even if you tried to fake it, it didn't work out.

You grinned as you walked through the background of Seungcheol and Jeonghan shared housing, looking at the celebration.

There were groups of people near the pool, at the grill, and even by the chairs, as you could see.

“Hey, bring the food inside; I'll take the meat to cheol,” mingyu said, shaking your head as you picked up the bags and headed to the kitchen, where you recognized some familiar faces.

“Y/nnnnnnnnn, heyyyyy, I’ve missed you.” When you saw her, you put the bags on the counter and hugged her, smiling into her embrace.

“It's great to see you again, yeji; how are you and the rest of the group doing?” Are the others here?” As she led you back outside, she interlaced your hands in hers.

You saw dokyeom and a few other people descend the steps before you left, as he waved and gave you a quick glance.

As you reach for a drink from the cooler, your heart begins to race. Something had to be turned off if you wanted to make it through the night, and this was the only way.

You took a sip and coughed loudly as you followed Yeji to the poolside.

It was going to be a long night for you.

---

As you and a group of individuals began to dance uncontrollably, the effects of the alcohol in your system began to show as you staggered to the grill.

“HeEeeyyYY, Wheeeere d'ya think yeeeeer goin’?” you slurred, jabbing a finger into seungcheol’s back

The other members laughed as they glanced at you, plainly detecting your intoxication.

“I forgot how drunk you can get, so why don't you take a break,” your overprotective brother says, making you scream within.

He always did this.

Gerroff me!” you said. “I’m ash sober ash ’m gonna git. And nuffink I - wait wait wait - nuffink you can do ‘boutit.” As you ambled back to the kitchen without so much as a hiccup in their direction, they laugh.

As you struggled to reach the door, you fell forward and were grabbed by a hand. As he lifted you from your imminent doom, his hold felt warm. With your eyes enlarged, you focused on the individual and stared at his face.

As you grabbed on to him, your words tumbled out of your mouth, “Ohmygoshimsosorry.” He drew you closer to him by taking your hands in his.

Saying your heart was racing was an understatement, it was literally pounding out of your chest. You were hand in hand with your crush, who you believed was exceptionally attractive and talented, and you wished he knew more about your sentiments or could somehow fill them.

But you know no huge idol like him would go for you. Feeling that made you sober up real fast as you felt your arm being pulled upstairs, you had no idea where you were going but it looked like someone's room.

Dokyeom eased open the door as he sat you on the bed and went to get some water from a little fridge. He handed it to you and sat next to you.

“Thanks”

“No problem, also I've been trying to talk to you all night but you appear to be occupied.”

As you took a sip of water, your heart began to beat faster; “waitttt, we donthavetotalk. Let’s dance! As he chuckled at your erratic movements, you began to wander around the room, pulling your hands into yours.

The alcohol was definitely making its way out of your system.

As he spun you around, his body in tune with the music, the bass of the song could still be heard. Even though this felt like a dream you didn’t quite care at the moment. Was it because you'd finally met the boy from your dreams, or was it because he wanted to meet you in person?

Your connection with him got stronger by the second, as did your heartbeat, which began to rise steadily with it. You couldn't keep stalling any longer; you needed to listen to what he was saying.

“I think I'm sober up for now,” you said as you let go of his hand.

Dokyeom chuckled before tossing his head back, “I didn't realize you could move like that” he said as they sat back on the bed, a little closer than before.

“I guess I learnt a few things along the way when you're friends with the best dancers out here.” As you finished your sentence, he peered into your eyes, making no sound as the room fell silent.

“Soo, what did you want to talk about?” you awkwardly state to relieve some tension in the air.

“I don't know how to explain it, but I kind of heard your "secret" as it passed through the practice room, and I simply wanted to be the first one to tell you about it because-

Your heart stopped pounding as your world came crashing down around you. You didn't want to hear it; the rejection; you'd rather live in your fantasy world, where you don't have to worry about anything. It wasn't true if you didn't hear it.

“Wait, if you can't reconcile those feelings, don't say anything; just let me go.” They're probably curious about our whereabouts anyway.” And with that, you stood up and walked towards the door, but you were pulled back by his hand.

He kissed you as swiftly as his hands linked with yours. You were taken aback at first by his passion, but you regained your calm and reminded yourself of what was going on: he was really kissing you, and you were really kissing him, and the rest of the world was inconsequential.

You were chilling on the outside while shouting for joy at the top of your lungs on the inside, as if your inner child had been set free. You had to be sure if this was a dream or if it was happening in real life.

“Ouch”

“Why did you do that?” Dokyeom asked as he gripped your arm in his.

“I had to double-check that I wasn't dreaming; this isn't the first time something like this has happened to me.”

“So you're saying I've been in your dreams?” he laughed as he cocked his head to the side and placed his hand in yours.”

You smacked your forehead and shook your head, realizing you couldn't get out of this one, and now he knew you fantasize about him. You didn't mind because the lad of your dreams was right in front of your eyes.

AND HE WAS HOLDING YOUR MF HAND. It was clear that your diary needed to be updated.

Stopping at the door, you placed your palm on his chest and worriedly stared at him.

“Wait, how did you find out?” 

“Well, a tiny birdie was chattering loudly about it, his name rhymes with coo,” he said as he grabbed your hand in his and opened the door and began the walk downstairs.

“Fucking Boo Seungkwan”