#i'm being as serious as i possibly can be when i say from a technical standpoint this is one of the best most intricate movies i've seen

[scoonsalicious]

Unwanted: Chapter 18, Unread - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, Explicit Sexual Content Minors: GTFO; I don’t serve your kind here. (hand stuff), mentions of sex.

Word Count: 1.1k

Previously On...: Bucky came home from his mission and woke you up in the most pleasant way possible.

A/N: Why can't I say no to you people? SUPRISE DROP

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Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

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You woke up the next morning with a pleasantly familiar ache between your legs. True to his word, you had, after the fifth or sixth time, had to beg him to stop. You’d lost count of how many orgasms he’d managed to coax out of you, but you’d been too sensitive to continue any further, and the sky was already lightening with the promise of dawn when you’d both finally succumbed to sleep.

“Mornin’” Bucky whispered into your hair, planting a kiss to your head.

“Morning, Buck,” you greeted back, snuggling closer to his chest. “Can we just stay in bed all day and play last night on repeat?”

Bucky chuckled. “As much as I’d love to, doll,” he said, “I’ve gotta do a mission debrief with Steve and Tony at some point today.” At the sight of your pout, he added “But we can make them wait a little while longer.”

You kissed lazily for awhile, welcoming the familiar sensation of being next to one another once more, physically and emotionally, but soon your hands drifted lower, and before you knew it, you had one hand wrapped around his dick while he had one of his buried in your cunt, your thigh draped over his.

Neither one of you spoke or broke eye contact as you brought each other to completion yet again, and though you technically weren’t having actual sex, it felt like the single most erotic experience the two of you had ever shared. 

“Holy shit,” panted Bucky as he pressed his forehead to yours. “That was so fucking hot.”

Your chest heaved with your own heavy breaths. “We should do that all the time,” you agreed. 

“I love you,” he kissed you again.

“I love you,” you whispered back to him when the kiss broke.

Bucky cleared his throat, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “I was thinking.”

“Well, that sounds unfortunate,” you joked, but his face remained serious.

“We should leave here,” he said, not quite meeting your gaze.

Your face turned puzzled. “What do you mean? Like, actually take that vacation we talked about?”

“Well, yeah, but no.” Bucky huffed. “I mean, we should leave the Tower. Get a place, just the two of us. Really start over proper, without everyone else always around.”

“Bucky Barnes,” you grinned at him, “are you asking me to move in with you?”

“Would it be so bad?” he asked back. “Think about it– a place of our own, that we could make into a home. Where we could create brand new memories. Maybe think about starting a family.”

That took you by surprise. “You mean, like, have kids?” 

“Only if you wanted to!” Bucky said hastily. “I’d never force you into anything you didn’t want to do. I know we never talked about it but, if I was gonna do it, I’d only ever wanna do it with you.”

You sat up. This was now too serious a conversation to be had lying down. And naked, probably, but you didn’t make a move to get dressed. “I… I honestly never really thought about it, Buck. About having kids.”

“You don’t have to decide anything right now, sweetheart,” Bucky sat up to join you. “I’m not tryin’ pressure you into anything. And I wouldn’t want kids until after we were married for a little bit, anyway. It’s just… somethin’ I’ve been thinkin’ about.”

“Married?” you asked him, eyebrows raised.

Bucky’s cheeks colored. “Well, I’m not sayin’ tomorrow, or the day after, but come on, doll! You gotta know you’re it for me. Ya think I haven’t been dreamin’ ‘bout callin’ you Mrs. Barnes since the day I met you?”

You nudged him playfully with your shoulder. “You dirty liar.”

Bucky’s body immediately tensed at your words. “Why do you think I’m lyin’?”

“The day you met me? Come on, Barnes.”

“Oh,” Bucky let out a shaky exhale, “it was definitely that day. I remember thinkin’ to myself ‘Always did want a wife who made awful jokes.’”

You had no idea if he was being serious or not, but it was sweet all the same. “You sure you didn’t always want a wife who did all the housework and had a pot roast waiting for you every day when you got home from the office?”

“Pfft,” Bucky waved away the thought. “Obedient, submissive women are overrated. Gimme a sassy girl with a dirty mouth and a heart of gold anyday.”

You laughed at that and then bit your lip, considering. “Yeah, okay,” you said after a moment.

Bucky’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. “Really, doll? You’ll marry me?”

You barked out a laugh. “Whoa, slow down, Casanova! I’m agreeing to getting our own place! You wanna marry me, you’re gonna have to go through the trouble of putting together a real proposal. Our engagement story is not going to be ‘well, we lying were in bed after jacking each other off, and then he said ‘we could get married, if you want.’’ I am far too classy for that.”

It was Bucky’s turn, now, to laugh. “Yeah, alright, sweets. You deserve something special, anyway. You deserve the world.” He kissed your shoulder. “I’ll think of something that’s gonna knock your socks off.”

“Looking forward to it, Barnes,” you said, your heart feeling both fuller and simultaneously lighter than it ever had before.

The two of you went back to kissing (and maybe fucking once or twice) when, eventually, Bucky’s phone buzzed. He stole a quick glance at the screen (thankfully, this time, he did not currently have his dick inside of you). 

“It’s Steve,” he said, picking it up to read the message. “He wants to debrief in twenty.” Putting the phone back down, Bucky reached for you again, but you gently pushed him away. “What?” he whined, looking pitifully rejected.

“Buck, you reek of sex,” you warned him. “If I can smell it on you, you know Steve will, too. Go take a shower so you don’t traumatize your best friend!”

“But I thought you liked it when I smelled like sex, baby,” Bucky rubbed his body playfully against yours. 

“I do,” you agreed, “but that doesn’t mean that everyone else will!” With a grumble, Bucky turned and dragged himself out of bed, but you managed to smack him on the ass before he got very far. “Hey,” you said, getting his attention once again, “if you hurry up and get back quick from your meeting, I’ll make sure you reek of sex all over again in no time.”

Bucky saluted you. “Ma’am, yes ma’am,” he said with a grin before heading to the shower. It took all of your willpower not to get up and join him, but you knew that, if you did, there’s no way in hell he’d be able to make his meeting in time.

<- Previous Chapter / Next Part ->

[sirfrogsworth]

So, ever since my dad started using an oxygen machine, my brain has grown accustomed to the mechanical white noise it emanated. We ended up putting the machine in the same room where I slept. And then I got so used to falling asleep with that white noise, I could not sleep without it. I literally get terrible insomnia if I don't have the machine running. I tried other noise. I tried a recording of it. I tried a box fan. But nothing worked nearly as well as the oxygen machine.

After my dad died, the rental company took the machine away.

So I bought a used one on eBay. I cannot get it any other way because you need a prescription for a new or refurbished one.

Unfortunately, these things have a limited lifespan. And the one I bought is starting to show signs of death. And because sleep is pretty much the most important thing I can do for my health, I decided to buy a backup unit.

This listing was from a well-reviewed seller. It said the unit powered on and it even had a video of the item functioning properly—but only for 30 seconds or so.

As you can see above, it says under the "condition" section that the item description would list imperfections.

When I got the item, I plugged it in, and after 3 minutes a loud beep sounded. And the beep continued for 20 minutes and never turned off. Every time you turn it on, after 3 minutes, this alarm sounds. The manual indicates a red light with a continuous beep means there is a serious system malfunction.

This seems like a malfunction that should have been disclosed.

And yes, it is possible that the issue was exacerbated by FedEx dropping the box. But it is not possible for that to be the direct cause of this issue. This item had to have already been in rough shape for something like that to cause a malfunction.

And it is also possible the seller was not aware of the issue. Perhaps he never turned the unit on long enough for this alarm to sound. But that doesn't mean he is excused from selling a damaged item without being responsible for it. The item cannot arrive in a different condition than shown in the eBay listing.

(But also... he knew. I'm like 90% sure he knew. And I think the following will give you that impression as well.)

I wrote to the seller...

Apparently after 3 days I can appeal to eBay. So hopefully I can get this resolved one way or another. But this seller hanging onto this technicality is so frustrating.

If it were me, I'd want to make it right. I mean, if I accidentally sold a broken item I would feel awful and do everything I could to take care of the person I sold it too. And it just sucks that not everyone is that honorable.

But the fact that he worded it like this and is using this defense so adamantly really makes me feel like he knew this was an issue. But I don't think any reasonable person is going to be satisfied with this defense. He's like those debate bros that think if you catch someone in a debate fallacy they automatically lose the argument.

eBay's rules say you can't deliver a damaged item without fully disclosing the damage. It just sucks he's going to make me do this the hard way.

[starhvney]

𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟑 | 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟕: 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐏 𝐃𝐀𝐘

𝐂𝐖: more blackmailing lol, minor mentions of anxiety from both aphmau and reader, reader’s dad suggests self defense with a pocket knife but he’s not serious, possible bad translation of spanish pls if anyone is fluent let me know if it's wrong lmao i only know beginner level

𝐀/𝐍: next chapter is finally out guys!! i hope the obnoxiously long word count makes up for how long it took to come out lol

𝐖𝐂: 7,300 +

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 ☆ 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 | 𝐀𝐎𝟑 | 𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒

despite your better judgment, you didn't mention a thing to your mom about gene when you got home yesterday. what were you supposed to tell her?

"oh, hey! sorry i'm late today, i went to buy cigarettes with a delinquent from school who holds the outcome of the rest of my high school career on his phone! no biggie, mom!"

yeah, that would go insanely well.

you did text aphmau about it, and she reacted exactly how you expected—reaffirming exactly why you weren't going to say anything.

aphmau: we have to tell our moms!! that's awful!!

you: no!!

you: i already know it was bad, i don't need the biggest lecture of my life and possibly being grounded on top of already knowing it was a bad idea.

you: i usually tell my mom about these things but not this time

aphmau: :(

aphmau: well we can't just let him get away with it?? what if they get us in more trouble

aphmau: that would be just as bad if the pictures got out

you: i know i know

you: i don't have a plan yet but we'll work it out.

you: sorry that's not super reassuring but

aphmau: no it's okay

aphmau: i don't want to tell my mom either

aphmau: knowing her she might pull me out to be homeschooled again

you: the good thing is we at least are with each other on this

aphmau: yeah, that's true :')

aphmau: okay, i'm going to try to forget about it and get some sleep

aphmau: good night!

you: good night aph

laurance also texted you later that night—of course—with how observant he is and how loyal he's made himself out to be you'd be shocked if he didn't ask you more about it.

laurance: hey :) how are you?

you: hii! i'm good :) 

you: how are you? did you win against o'khasis? 

you: sorry i didn't come back to see the game after school 

laurance: not gonna lie i was a little sad you weren't there :,) but it's okay

laurance: T-T and no

laurance: but i already knew we wouldn't

you: that's why you lost!! 

you: you should've believed you'd win!!! 

laurance: hey!! tell that to my teammates lol i know i'm the best

you: wow cocky much

laurance: nuh uh it's not being cocky if it's true :P

laurance: hey

laurance: can i ask a question?

you: what's up??

laurance: i just was thinking about the whole thing that happened at lunch

laurance: i know i can't tell you who to hang out with, but i genuinely really don't think you should hang out near them at all

laurance: they can be very

laurance: influencing

laurance: i know cause when i hung out with them i ended up getting into some bad stuff

you: bad stuff? 

laurance: just stuff i'm not proud of

laurance: like pressuring me into vandalizing and smoking and drinking

laurance: i thought they were cool so i didn't say no when i should've

you: i know you said you had a history with them but i had no idea 

you: they made you do that? 

laurance: technically i had a choice??

laurance: i just made the bad ones

laurance: i really regret not saying no to them sometimes

you: well i can tell you're nothing like that now laurance 

you: it was a year ago but you were also a freshman 

you: i think it's really respectable that even after that you choose to be a really good person now who makes the right decisions 

laurance: that means a lot actually, thank you.

laurance: but that's why i wanted to ask you about it

laurance: cause i know you're also nothing like them so

laurance: i just wanted to make sure they weren't like, pressuring you or trying to threaten you to do something?

...shit. you can't go around or avoid the question now. should you really lie to him about this?

you: yeah i get why you're worried now 

you: i promise i haven't been pressured into anything and if they try i'll completely drop them 

laurance: hey if something bad happened and they're making you hang out with them

laurance: everyone knows by now that you're a good friend and a good student

laurance: so don't be scared to say something

the thought is comforting, but he doesn't know that it involves one of the most influential girls in the school.

you: it's just, complicated

you: i don't want to get into it right now but i just think i can handle the issue on my own

you: for now 

laurance: i really don't like this

laurance: but if you think you're fine then i won't stop you obviously

laurance: just know that i'll trust you over anything they try to hold over your head, okay? you can always come talk to me

you can feel your heart painfully twist in your chest.

you: thank you. you're an amazing friend laurance 

you: if i need help i promise i'll let you know 

laurance: okay, if you say so

laurance: and i know i'm pretty cool B)

you: the coolest B) 

you: good night laurance! see you tomorrow 

laurance: good night :)

while laurance was pretty popular, how much clean up work on rumors could he do compared to ivy and gene's influence? not everyone would believe him, and who's to say he wouldn't be affected by the rumors for sticking up for you?

you've already been friends for a few months now, but you don't want him to suffer because of you. and who's to say he won't get tired and drop you because of it? he seems like a super loyal friend, but would he die on a hill for a girl he just met this school year?

the walk to school with aphmau was quiet. you could practically feel the anxiety looming in the air around the both of you, zapping any urge to start a conversation. you hadn't felt like this since the first day of school here, your fingertips and cheeks feeling like pins and needles while your chest felt heavy with a sense of dread.

maybe a part of you was hoping that if you simply acted like it didn't happen, everything would blow over and be dropped. after all, messing with you couldn't be that fun, right? right??

wrong.

"leave us alone." aphmau says, her voice surprisingly quite firm as she glares up at the three delinquents, who had blocked the two of you off in the empty hallway.

how did you always manage to end up alone in the hallways?

"nuh uh." zenix quips back, laughing with a teasing smile at your friend.

"aw, c'mon. after our bonding walk you're already mad at me again?" he directs his question at you, mocking fake sadness. "tell the smaller kitty that we're friends now, kitty."

"don't call either of us that!" she protests, her grip she had on your hand tightening. a quiet comfort to you, but probably mostly her.

"why not? kitty's a cute nickname. when people give you a nickname it means they have a special affection for you."

"oh, so you like us?" she sarcastically raises a thin eyebrow, lips forming in a frustrated line.

"hm," gene hums, seeming to seriously consider her question, dark eyes darting between the two of you. "you? not really. i kinda like her, though."

aphmau huffs. "then why did you go out of your way to bother us?"

"i just like messing with people. thought that was pretty obvious, no?" he scoffs. "and you two, especially you little missy, make yourselves the perfect targets."

you suppress a tense sigh.

"which is exactly why you two are skipping with us today," gene says simply with a shrug, face smug as he leans on the wall, hands shoved in his pockets.

"excuse me?" you ask incredulously.

"you heard me. let's go." he lifts himself from the wall, not opening the conversation up for any more questioning as he leisurely walks away from the classrooms.

aphmau sends you a panicked glance, amber eyes round. the trio walks ahead of you once they see you both uneasily following along, beginning to whisper among themselves when a looming tall boy nearly runs into the two of you from around the corner.

you recognize him as that aaron guy, who outside of aphmau's stories had gained an even larger reputation of getting into fights and winning. he gives you a once over, making you tap your thigh nervously before you watch his nearly black eyes dart down to aphmau.

the short girl gives a very direct "hmph!" before turning away from him, grabbing your arm, and dragging you closer to the group. her distaste for him seemingly was much larger than what she held for the shadow knights.

you glance back to see aaron watching you two walk away from him, his eyebrows furrowed and mouth slightly agape in shock. truthfully, it was an amusing sight, and you have to stop yourself from laughing at his expression when his eyes dart back to yours.

his mouth snaps shut and he rolls his eyes, quickly turning away and stalking off down the hall without a single word being muttered.

gene huffs out an amused laugh. "see? that's so funny. no one but you of all people is able to look that guy in the eye. now c'mon."

you and aphmau stare at him, faces unamused.

"if not, i'm sure your friends and the rest of the school would love to see my photography skills!" he grins, raising his eyebrows challengingly.

soon you find yourself following the group down the sidewalk, with aph clinging onto your arm. you could feel her hands tremble nervously against your blazer, and every once in a while her head would dart around with a guilty look in her eye.

"if you get us into any more trouble than just skipping—" she starts, only to swiftly be cut off by the leader ahead.

"relax. you're both just going to get to know us better. we're gonna hang out and then get some coffee later. no biggie."

"you drink coffee?" aphmau questions.

"yep. dark and bitter."

"calm down, edge lord. drinking black coffee doesn't make you any cooler." you grumble, earning a tiny chuckle from both aphmau and surprisingly zenix.

"after our last little walk together and you still don't like me?" gene sighs, shaking his head and clicking his tongue.

"i can't say buying cigarettes is a fun bonding experience for me, sorry to say." you quip back.

"...you know what, fair enough, kitty. i get both of your little goody-two-shoes attitudes—well i don't really get it, but—i'll strike you both a deal." gene turns to look at the two of you as you cross the street, walking towards an older park. "if you two still don't like us after skipping today, i will never ask you two to skip class again."

"you promise?" aphmau stutters, leaning forward with hopeful eyes.

"i promise!" he concurs. "i just want you to know us outside of the rumors you've heard."

you think you'd believe laurance's "rumors" over these three's catty smirks any day.

"we're not all that bad." gene shrugs, before turning to see sasha and zenix ahead going off the path into some shrubbery.

aphmau glances up at you, before looking back to gene with a resigned sigh. "ok, fine. deal."

"great!" he grins before waving a hand towards the shrubbery. "ladies first."

you stare at him as aphmau walks forward, raising an eyebrow. "and what if this is an elaborate plan to get us alone and murder us?"

"oh, kitty, if i wanted to do something to you i would've done it when you walked home with me." he scoffs, throwing an arm around your shoulder and guiding you with him after the rest of the group.

"uh-huh." you deadpan, earning a carefree chuckle from the boy.

when the shrubs part for a clearing, you look up to see an old brick bridge for a train track. it was likely abandoned a long time ago based on the trees and plants overgrown on the top and the layers of graffiti plastered on the sides. under the bridge ran part of the large river that goes through the whole city, though this part seems to be a thinner and slower-moving part of it.

gene releases you from his arm, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walks ahead a few steps.

truthfully, it was a really cool spot. you'd even hang out here alone to draw or read in your free time if you had come across it on your own. you doubt that's what the shadow knights did here, though.

suddenly, your phone buzzes, and you look down to check the notification.

kate: hey, you're not in homeroom today?

kate: you sick?

you curse under your breath, looking to aphmau who was distracted by something sasha was saying, before looking back down. your fingers hover over the keyboard as you contemplate what to say.

you: ugh yeah sorry i didn't tell you 

you: probably just ate something bad, i'll be better by tomorrow 

kate: ohh alright then

kate: i'll see you tomorrow then, hopefully?

kate: feel better! and rest up!

you: thanks kate! i will!

guilt eats at you from the inside of your chest, screaming at you how wrong you were, how you need to tell your friends the truth.

you slide your phone back in your pocket.

"alright, you two. make our new friends here feel welcomed. they'll be joining our group here pretty soon." gene muses, holding his hands out to prompt zenix and sasha to actually talk.

"join? they said yes?" sasha raises her eyebrows, eyes shifting to aphmau and you in mild surprise.

"not yet." gene shrugs. "i'm not gonna force a good thing. they'll join on their own, but they've got to get to know us, first."

"ah, i see." sasha's eyebrows relax to rest in their usual unimpressed position.

zenix scoffs. "neither of them are hardcore enough."

"shut up, zenix."

the boy comically huffs in response and crosses his arms, like an annoyed kid who just got told off. aphmau seems pretty uneasy by his aggressive demeanor, slowly shuffling to stand closer to you again.

"i swear zenix has the same temper as that zane kid. speaking of him, why don't we let him in the group?" sasha looks over at gene.

your eyebrows furrow at her words, the middle ro'meave brother popping into your mind. he was rude to you last time, for sure, but him? in this gang of kids? the thought of it makes you feel strangely... protective over your friend's bratty younger brother.

"zane is just a poser. plus, he's no fun to play with. he was so eager to join us it made him look pathetic." gene rolls his eyes, and you can't help crossing your arms. "i'll give him until next semester to see how he does on his own, then maybe i'll think of it."

you look at aphmau, who is also looking at you with an unappeased expression on her face.

"make him work for it, huh?" sasha muses.

"what's the point of us having an exclusive group if we just let any emo kid in?"

"we're not emo, though," sasha says, dark purple fingernails ironically raking through her chopped side swoop bangs.

"not us. zane."

"oh, whoops. my bad."

gene ruins his fingers through the mess of dark curls on his head as he starts walking back where we just came from. "anyways, i'm going to get the stuff. i forgot it. keep them entertained."

"kay. hurry up." sasha says, stretching her arms out before sitting down on a soft patch of grass by the river.

the stuff?

"stuff?" you repeat, lip curling up and eyes squinting in accusation.

gene snorts. "don't worry, kitty. it's not drugs if that's what you're thinking."

he walks off, not giving any further explanation before he's gone.

"it's stuff for our art. you'll see." sasha looks over to you and aphmau, waving you both over to sit next to her as zenix stalks off closer to the bridge.

"i don't think i like the sound of that." aphmau whispers before you both settle onto the grass.

sasha turns to look at you both, a small amount of interest shines in her deep purple eyes. you want to laugh at how cliche it sounds in your head, but they really looked like someone had carved out two amethysts and stuck them into her eyes. black eyeliner lined her eyes, one side a little smudged on the corner. she managed to pull it off, somehow still looking like a little doll with her smooth porcelain skin.

"so, what kind of grades do you two get?"

"huh?" aphmau blinks.

"are you a straight-a student? average? dumb?" sasha presses.

"oh, uh..." your friend stutters, picking at her fingernails. "so far i've gotten all a's and some b's. i'm not that great at math though."

sasha hums, her eyes lazily drifting over to you.

"...pretty much all a's." you say, curiously looking back at her. why did she want to know? was she gonna try to get you to do her homework?

"cool. good to know we're not letting in anyone with bad grades."

"you mean you guys don't?" aphmau unashamedly asks, her face baffled.

sasha doesn't seem offended by this, the corner of her lip lifting. "nah."

"but you guys skip almost every day? that doesn't make any sense, i don't get how that works." she insists.

"we're not dumb. we get bad grades because we miss class and tend not to listen to the teacher, so that obviously reflects on our records. it's an attempt for the "man" to control us with these letters that we find such validation in." sasha returns.

so they do make bad grades.

"huh...? that was really a mouthful."

oh, aphmau.

"just words, sweetheart." sasha returns with a tiny smirk. "honestly, gene, zenix and i are very smart when it comes to our studies. we're just bored because nothing challenges us in academics anymore. hence why we skip class. if i'm going to be bored, i don't want to be bored in that building we call school."

"oh, i see. well, that doesn't make any sense." aphmau says.

sasha hums with a raised eyebrow, prompting her to elaborate.

"it's just... if you're so smart that you don't feel challenged, why sacrifice your good grades to do nothing? why not go the extra mile and challenge yourself by making a presentation? or writing a report on how the teachers can help you more?"

sasha quietly stares at her, expression blank��though eyes seemingly deep in thought.

"the teachers don't know everything, they're trying to figure life out, too. so if you're super bored, why not teach them back?" you add, bringing up your knees for your chin to rest on. "not caring and being lazy every once in a while is fun, but i think everyone should have a goal. otherwise you'll find yourself stuck in the same place."

"hm. i can see why gene took an interest in the both of you." sasha looks out to the river as she says this, lips pursed.

suddenly she reaches out a hand, the dark metal rings and bracelets she wore clinking together. "give me your hands."

"what, why?" aphmau asks cautiously, watching as you place your hand on the older girl's one.

"i do palm readings as a hobby. just a little thing i like to do." she says, her thumb already tracing over the lines in your hand as she brings it closer to her face.

"you're not going to do something weird are you?" aph leans back.

"just give me your stupid hand." she flicks her free hand demandingly.

aphmau goes quiet, nervously giving up one of her hands to the girl. sasha brings both of your hands side by side, pursing her lips as she compares the two.

"interesting." she says, a few moments passing before she continues. "both of you have lots of creativity. i'm not shocked by the lack of openness for feelings and emotions on your hand—" she nudges up your palm. "—but apparently aphmau is more open. which isn't a lie if we were comparing you both together... but neither of you are open. otherwise you two wouldn't be here in the first place."

you and aphmau make the same little noise of surprise.

sasha's eyebrows furrow, as she stretches out both of your hands. she focuses on yours, humming in stumped confusion as she mutters to herself. "that's weird. i haven't seen a fate line like yours. it's all... broken up. what does that mean? interesting..."

"quit holding hands with them, sasha!" zenix suddenly shouts from where he had scaled up to the top of the bridge, looking down over all three of you.

"quit being emo, zenix!" she shouts back without a second of thinking, looking up at you with an eye roll. "so glad there's girls now. he's—"

"don't tell me how to live my life!"

sasha ignores his response, looking at aphmau's palm. "your life is pretty dull. according to your palm."

"uhh..." aphmau's shoulders slump.

"i don't need a fake palm reader who learned all her lessons from the internet to tell me how to live my life!" zenix continues.

"ignore him." sasha rolls her eyes again. "he's just yelling to yell."

"i like yelling!"

"i like when you shut up!"

"come make me!" he challenges, puffing out his chest.

"kitty." sasha coos at you, batting her eyelashes. "be a dear and go shut zenix up for me? i want to relax and take a nap before gene makes you do the hazing initiation thingy."

aphmau flinches. "hazing? initiation? what initiation?!"

sasha lays down, closing her eyes and ignoring both of your protests.

"what—are you serious?" aphmau huffs, as sasha continues to ignore her words. "great. we didn't even agree to join and they're talking about an initiation. what even is the initiation?"

aphmau looks up to zenix, before her round eyes slowly drift back to you. "...can you go ask him?" she whispers.

"huh? why can't you?" you cross your arms, hushing your voice back

"because he scares me! you go talk to him!" aphmau complains back.

"i'm not gonna talk to him. you do it."

"no, you!"

"you!"

"oh! suddenly i'm feeling really sleepy..." aphmau fake yawns, lying down in the grass like sasha and closing her eyes.

"oh my—whatever! he's not even scary, you baby!" you quietly shout, standing up with a huff and ignoring the quiet snickers from sasha.

you turn to march over to the bridge, looking up to the top where zenix was kicking stray rocks into the river. "um, zenix?"

"what do you want?" he looks down at you, eyes narrowing. "did sasha get you to do her dirty work for her already? of course you'd listen to her." he snorts.

"no. i was just wondering what this initiation thing was about?"

"i can't spoil the surprise." he grins, and you deadpan. "just know that if you do it, you'll be super hardcore in my book."

"right, because i'm so desperate for your approval." you raise your eyebrows, resting a hand on your hip. "what, skipping class isn't hardcore enough for you?"

zenix huffs, flustering rather immediately at your words as he turns to kick a rock rather harshly into the water. "skipping class isn't hard. it's whatever."

"why are you so huffy and angry?"

"why are you so calm and happy?"

you shrug. "cause it's better."

"says who?" he quips, tilting his head at you in a challenge.

"says me."

"well aren't you important." he sarcastically huffs.

"so are you."

he looks down at you with a strange look.

"yeah? says who?"

"says me."

the shrubbery rustles and leaves crunch, signaling gene was back from wherever he had gone off to.

"looks like you all are getting along well." he says.

"she's weird," zenix says, still looking at you with a confused expression.

"well we like weirdos, don't we?" gene raises an eyebrow with an amused chuckle.

"...i guess," zenix says, walking along the bridge to find a way down.

"you two, come here," gene says, the bag in his hand rustling as he waves you and aphmau over.

"so," he starts when you're both standing in front of him. "how do you like our group so far?"

you glance at aphmau, before speaking up first. "you guys are fine, but we aren't into the whole skipping school and breaking the rules thing."

gene raises an eyebrow, looking over to aphmau when she pipes up.

"yeah, we're not interested in joining. i just want to finish this day of skipping and leave."

he hums quietly, looking off in thought. "...alright. i'll let you two go."

"really?" aphmau eagerly says, eyes wide and hopeful. "and you'll delete the pictures?"

"who said anything about deleting the pictures?" gene shoots down the second request in a heartbeat, snorting in amusement. "i'm keeping them, i just won't make you two skip school again, is all."

aphmau scoffs in displeasure.

"now now, no need to get too worked up." gene tsks, waving the bag in front of you two. "there's still something else i need you both to do for me before i let you go."

"what is it?" aphmau huffs, crossing her arms.

"you're going to tag a wall with the shadow knights logo."

"what?!" she squeaks, jaw dropping in horror, and you feel your face drop.

"you heard me." gene snickers watching your eyes drift to the hidden bridge that had a ton of graffiti on it already.

"no no. not there." gene smirks, nodding his head for you two to follow him.

your group walks back to the more polished part of the path, where gene points to a clean concrete wall that would most definitely be seen by people going by on their walks.

"here." he grins, gesturing to the wall.

"no way!" aphmau stutters, stepping closer to you with that same horrified look on her face.

"we're not criminals. that's illegal." you say, glaring up at gene who merely widens his smile, leaning down by his torso and tilting his head at you.

"you're a criminal as long as you're mine."

you wrinkle your nose. "you don't own me or aph just cause you have those pictures."

"oh? then i'm sure garroth and the rest of your friends would love to see said pictures of the school's precious sweet ivy getting the shit beat out of her by two rando new girls." he shrugs, straightening his back and dangling the bag in front of him. "it's up to you..."

you snap your mouth shut, before yanking the bag from his hands. "just shut up."

gene ooh's in amusement, stepping aside with a smirk as he watches you march to the wall, crouching near the bag as you drop it and pulling out the spray paints from inside.

"...if i do this, does it mean i'm part of your group?" aphmau nervously asks from behind you.

"nope, it just means that you're doing the work of tagging this place for me. plus, if you do this one time, i'll never ask you to tag this place for me again."

"tag any place." you interject, looking back to send a harsh glare at him.

gene looks you up and down, before quietly chuckling and raising his arms. "any place." he concedes.

"okay, fine." aphmau shakily agrees, coming up beside you to help.

you've never spray painted before, and neither had aphmau, but surprisingly the logo ended up looking pretty good. if it was done in a place you were allowed to tag and not vandalizing, you'd probably be proud of it.

but you were vandalizing, and you felt the opposite of pride as you and aphmau backed up from the wall, smelling like spray paint as some of it dripped from your fingers.

"not bad." gene grins, hands on his hips as he observes your handiwork.

"looks pretty great." sasha's voice pipes up, she and zenix appearing behind you two.

zenix crosses his arms as he analyzes the logo. "...maybe you two are hardcore enough." he admits.

"you're both free to go home now. we're gonna go to the coffee shop down the road if you two want to join us." gene says, snagging up the bag and cans to likely use later.

you and aphmau shake your head no at the same time.

"no thanks..." she stutters quietly.

gene shrugs, leading his two accomplices along the sidewalk. "suit yourselves. let's go."

you and aphmau silently watch as the group leaves, glancing back at the graffiti you both did with dejected looks on your faces. aphmau suddenly snatches up your hand, quickly walking away.

"i don't wanna be caught next to that." she mutters and you agree, keeping in pace with her if not speeding up.

you both walk in silence for a bit longer before you feel aphmau's hand tighten on yours and hear a quiet sniff. glancing over in surprise you see her round eyes filled with tears, her nose red as she looks away from you.

"i'm sorry i'm crying, i just feel so awful that we did that and so mad too..." she stops talking when her voice shakes a bit, burying her face in her hand with another sniffle.

"me too..."

your nose tingles as you rapidly blink to make your own urge to cry go away, breathing in a frustrated sigh. suddenly your feet stop on the sidewalk and you're tugging onto aphmau's hand, bringing her in for a hug.

"it's gonna be okay." you reassure when she hugs you back. "i'm sorry i let it get this far—"

"it's my fault, too." she interrupts.

"—we can go back and clean off the paint tonight. then we'll tell gene we're done with him and deal with the consequences." you finish, patting her back and pulling away from the hug. "we shouldn't let people like him make us cry, right?"

she looks up at you, blinking away the mistiness in her eyes and gulping down her urge to cry as she nods. "yeah! we can go clean it! that's a good idea. then no more shadow knights and... we can deal with the rest later."

you smile at the optimistic look in her eyes, patting her shoulders as you both continue to walk home.

☆

cleaning concrete without a pressure washer or at the very least a strong hose is extremely hard. you honestly wouldn't force a prisoner to do this as work.

you and aphmau had been at it for ten minutes already, and you'd barely even scrubbed off a layer of the graffiti.

"dang it. i should've brought paint thinner." you groan when your hand slips and you scrape your finger against the rough surface. "this sucks."

"we're gonna be here all night," aphmau whines, focusing in on one spot and groaning when there's no difference under the sponge. "but we have to get it off. this is horrible."

you hear quiet footsteps nearby, and before you can react to it a bright light shines over the two of you, blinding the two of you.

"hey!" a man's voice calls out, the tone so stern and aggressive that you knock over the soapy water bucket and drop your sponge with a gasp.

"uh!" aphmau startles, before she realizes who it is, her words tumbling out of her mouth. "oh, officer! we—"

"we've been looking for the kids who've been tagging this place with that logo." he cuts her off, tone completely accusatory.

to be fair, you both decided on wearing black hoodies and sweatpants, making you look much more suspicious than you already did. but didn't he see the sponges and literal soap bucket next to your feet?

"wait! that's not how this happened! we didn't—"

"save it! the criminals always return to the scene of the crime. come on, you're both coming with me." he says, pacing over to you both and snatching you both by the arms, likely thinking you'd both run away.

you find yourself at a loss for words, mouth gaping and eyes filling with tears as you're dragged along with the cop. you couldn't even defend yourself, completely in shock that you were getting in trouble in the first place.

being in the back of a cop car on a tuesday night was never a possibility in your mind. yet here you are, at the ripe age of sixteen, being escorted to your parents on a school night.

aphmau hasn't stopped sniffling, the only thing keeping her from bawling her eyes out was likely the fact that you were in this with her.

to aphmau's relief and to your chagrin, the cop stops at your house first, marching you right up the sidewalk to your door and knocking, looking down at you like you had kicked a puppy and laughed. you knew nothing would change this guy's mind, so you merely watch your front door and hope it was your mom who opened it.

it wasn't, and dread fills every fiber of your being when your dad's figure stands in the open doorway. he looks at the officer in confusion, then down to you, his eyes blown wide open. his jaw clenches as he whips his head to the staircase where you were supposed to have retired for the night, before looking back at you with an immense amount of disappointment.

you shrink in on yourself when he doesn't say a word to you, turning to look at the officer who greets him. eyes drift and zone out on the floor as the officer explains why he's here, only to be startled by dad's deep voice.

"do you have any proof?" he asks, stopping the officer in his tracks.

"i... sorry?"

"do. you. have. any. proof? or do you like throwing around little girls into your car for a little power trip instead of catching actual criminals?" your dad grits, making you lean back against the doorway.

"that is not—sir, i—" the officer stutters, taken aback by the sudden accusation.

"let's talk." your dad yanks you inside as he steps outside next to the officer and shuts the door.

oh shit.

you hear a call of your name and turn to see your mom staring at you in confusion, her arms crossed over her robe.

"um..." you start, looking to the ground in shame.

"was that an officer?" she asks, eyes wide as she shuffles over to you.

immediately you burst out crying, leaning in to hug her while every emotion you had kept in about the situation tumbled out in fat tears that dripped down your face.

"i'm sorry! i didn't mean to do anything wrong!" you hiccup as mom shushes you, wrapping her arms around you and rubbing your back.

"just take a deep breath and tell me what happened."

and you do. from what you told her about ivy to the things she didn't know about gene, from the pictures to the gas station and the vandalism. the disappointed look on her face stings as you talk, but at least she was listening. with how distressed you were behaving and the fact you had never done anything like this before, mom clearly was open to hearing your side of the story on this.

as you finish your spill and calm down from your hysterics, the front door opens. aphmau comes in first looking uneasy, with your dad following behind.

"call sylvanna to come over here." he says, huffing and giving you a stern look as aphmau sits next to you on the couch.

"...what did you tell the cop?" you ask, eyebrows pinched together as you glance at the window to see the cop car not even parked in your driveway anymore.

he huffs. "don't worry about it."

...that's incredibly unsettling.

mom makes the call as you two wait in tense silence on the couch, and it's probably only a minute later tops that all hell breaks loose.

"¡aphmau!" sylvanna bursts through the door, hair a mess and pajamas crooked as she hops on one foot, sliding her flip flop off of her foot. "¡te juro que si estuvieras besando a un chico te golpearía con mi chancla tan fuerte que volarías hasta el año que viene!"

aphmau squeaks, shrinking into you like she was planning on using you as a shield.

"sylvanna, calm down. while what they did was disappointing, they weren't rebelling against us or being deceitful." mom says, interrupting sylvanna's heated rant and placing a hand on her shoulder. "actually, let me explain it to you in the kitchen."

aphmau sighs in relief as both of the moms and your dad go into the kitchen, voices quiet and hushed.

"she is so terrifying." she whispers to you, staring at the coffee table and tapping on her leg. "this day has been the worst."

"yeah..." you sigh, wringing your hands together. "i wonder how much trouble we'll be in when they're done talking about it."

"i don't want to be grounded." aphmau groans.

"me neither."

more tense silence passes, hushed voices barely heard from the kitchen before they all return to the living room.

sylvanna steps forward, arms crossed. "mija."

aphmau tenses. "yes ma'am?"

"i am," she inhales. "very disappointed that you didn't tell me about this when it was happening—"

the girl's head drops.

"—but. you did try to fix your mistake. and for that... i'm proud. pero si esto vuelve a ocurrir te juro que estarás castigado hasta el día de tu muerte. there will be no next time!"

aphmau cringes, before nodding. "yes ma'am..."

the two soon are out the door and on their walk home, seeming as it had already transitioned from late tuesday hours to the early hours of wednesday.

after a good talking to from both of your parents and truthfully some more crying on your end, you found yourself lying on your bedroom carpet, arms spread out as you tapped your feet on the ground.

it was just difficult to sleep now, your mind racing with what to do when gene will inevitably confront you again. your phone buzzes.

aph: are you still up ;-;

you: yeah, can't sleep 

aph: me neither...

aph: i'm so glad my mom didn't overreact

aph: i was sure i was a goner

you: yeahhh 

you: good thing my mom talked her down 

aph: yeah she's a life saver

aph: speaking of which i think both of them are talking to zianna on the phone right now about everything

you: what!! 

you: oh no i really hope garroth doesn't overhear the details or anything if they're talking loud 

you get halfway up from your floor, crawling over to your door and pressing your ear against it, straining to listen while glancing down at your phone again.

aph: oh crap i didn't think about that!

aph: hopefully not

aph: if he hears it from his mom i think he'd take it well, but that's still kinda awkward

you: yeah no kidding

you: then he'd probably tell the rest of our friends too

you: which wouldn't be the worst if they believed us

aph: yeah

aph: surely they would

aph: right???

you: i think they would 

you: the thought of drama with ivy veleno being public knowledge in the school makes my stomach hurt though 

aph: ugh i know me too

aph: i guess our faces look extra victimy to the bad kids

aph: because why are all of them out for us

aph: literally what did we do T-T

you: that's what i'm saying!! like since day one 

the conversation outside of the door is too muffled, so you slowly crack open your door and crawl towards the staircase to get a better listen.

"i swear if any boy puts a hand on either of my girls i'll go up to that school myself so help me!" you hear zianna shout over the phone.

"he didn't put his hands on either of them or trust me my husband would be in jail right now for murdering that little boy." mom says.

"i would be too!" sylvanna shouts, sounding the most heated of the three.

you: omg did you hear that??

aph: yeah

aph: we're zianna's girls ;p

you: and your mom is completely down with murder it seems

aph: i feel like we knew that already though

"oh, that just makes me so mad! they're so sweet and innocent, they shouldn't be having to deal with that punk ass kid! i swear i'll murder him too!" zianna huffs.

you: zianna cusses?? hahaha

aph: out of our three moms she seems the least likely lol

"well all i know is that if i find out either of them, especially my mija was covering up the fact that she was smooching with some boy i swear!!!" sylvanna gripes.

"i know when my daughter is lying and she would've told me if something like that happened. and i know you know aphmau was telling us the truth, too." mom sighs.

sylvanna sighs loudly. "yeah, you're right. i just worry about her!"

you: your mom is still stuck on the boy thing?

aph: yeah :/ she's kinda crazy about that stuff

you: my mom is protective over that kinda stuff too

you: but geez

aph: i know right?

you flinch as the door across from you opens, revealing your dad from behind it. he stops when he sees you hunched by the stairs, raising his eyebrows at your behavior.

"what're you doin', kiddo?" he asks, taking a step forward and sighing when he faintly hears your mom on speakerphone.

"...i couldn't sleep." you whisper back, clutching your phone to your chest.

he sighs again, pointing to your bedroom door. "well, sitting at the top of the stairs on your phone won't help. go to sleep."

"...okay..." you mutter, getting up and staring at the floor as you scurry back to your room.

a gruff call of your name stops you, and you turn back to see dad's contemplative face.

"and put away that phone."

"yes sir..."

"and..."

you stare at him, rocking on your feet. "...yeah?"

"...i put a pocket knife in your backpack."

"wha—" you guffaw. "dad, i can't bring a knife to school?!"

"says who?"

"oh my—says me! dad, that's illegal!"

he huffs. "not if no one knows."

"i just got in trouble for illegal stuff now you're encouraging me to stab people?"

"just one, possibly."

"dad, i am not taking a knife or weapon of any kind to my tenth-grade english class that is insane."

"i did it when i was picked on."

"you stabbed someone?" you ask in horror.

"no... but the threat worked well enough."

"okay well, i am a lot more likely to go to jail for that now than when you were a kid."

he sighs. "alright. but i won't be mad if i get a call from the school saying you kicked that boy in his balls."

"okay, dad! i'm going to sleep now." you back up, eyebrows raised.

dad's hardened eyes soften to amusement as he chuckles. "goodnight, baby girl. i love you."

"love you too, dad."

you shut the door behind you with a sigh.

you: got caught eavesdropping

you: gonna go to sleep before i get in more trouble

you: and before my dad suggests another torture method or weapon to use on gene

aph: your dad is so scary

aph: that seems like something he'd suggest

aph: and good night!

you: haha well he was just kidding

you: i think

©starhvney, 2024. please do not steal or repost my works as your own.

[silentcryracha]

❍ ‗ Love Language (Skz - Hyung line) ‗ ❍

Pairings : Chan x reader, Minho x reader, Changbin x reader, Hyunjin x reader

Genre/warnings : Half headcanon and half scenarios. They all start fluffy and fun and end up suggestively/with a little smut. Regardless strictly 18+

Summary : Each member has some specific dynamics in their relationship that makes your love so special. These are some of them <3

Word count : 2.1 K

A/n : The summary and title suck I know apologies lol, just read to understand lol. Anyways have fun!

ps: There could be errors. Do NOT repost on other socials. Leave feedback if you feel like it, otherwise enjoy! ♡︎

Maknae line link

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Chan ‗ ❍

Chan would be absolutely smitten with someone that either had his same talents with music (the whole process) or at the very least someone that is genuinely interested in what he does. He would feel very validated and happy about it , for sure.

"Oh wow is this something new?" he'd answer yes and ask if you wanted to hear it. Of course you'd say yes in a heartbeat. You'd sit on his lap and listening intently to the new sample/recording, bopping your head to it slightly along with the rhythm.

He would try play it cool but would secretly be really hopeful of your response. When you finished listening you'd say something like "That was great, Channie. I especially liked-" and then you'd go into detail about it. He would be smiling so wide I just know.

Extra bonus points if you start adding some technical specifics or took the initiative to give other ideas, keeping in mind everything that you learned from him. Now he's absolutely in awe and wouldn't be able to hide it.

Or maybe it could be a lyric draft, a new dance bit to learn, some raw vocals and so on. Honestly just any part of his work.

He can be insecure sometimes and doubt his own abilities, so I feel like he would gain so much confidence if someone that he genuinely cared about gave him positive feedback. Especially since you'd try to be always really honest with each other, he would value that a lot too.

So in short, shower him in compliments and make him all shy, he'll love that and hate that at the same time.

It could also be that maybe you're not an expert in the matter and would simply ask him to explain further his inspiration/ideas or the process behind whatever he was doing.

Either way one of you would end up impressed af and randomly go like "You know that was really hot, right?"

Next thing you know you're fucking on the studio couch. Or the desk. Or you riding him on the studio chair. The possibilities are multiple.

"So you think I'm really hot, uh?" he'd tease, making you smile breathlessly. You'd get closer to his ear and whisper "Yes. Always" making him groan.

"You seemed such an expert a few moments ago" he'd say in between thrusts, "Should we make our own beat? What do you say, uh? Can't talk now?" you'd clench around him, too out of it to respond.

"My baby is too fucked out to talk now?" he'd tease, but quickly add some sort of praise like "My good girl, so smart".

He could and would absolutely tease you to get you hot and bothered but would never miss to also shower you in praises like you do with him.

Minho ‗ ❍

I feel he's someone who would love to have a person that can easily match his energy, but also sweep him off his feet.

If he's being serious, he'd want you to also be serious. Unless it was a situation in which you know that he just needs some jokes to make him calm down. If he's in a teasing mood or maybe a rare cheesy mood, he'd like you to play along. Imagine if he decided to be really sweet and you're like "What are you doing Minho"

He would absolutely take it ten times worse that it actually is. Especially if we're talking about occasions in which he allows himself to be comfortable and play around. So don't do that please lol

He would find it very amusing if you actually managed to not only keep up with him but maybe even take it a step further. Maybe when he's making a joke or being ironic. If he's being cute and you act even cuter it would make him happy/shy. If he gets into a heated conversation and you're open to discuss it with him, he would really appreciate you speaking your mind and listening to his thoughts.

He would also get quite protective of your own feelings, wanting to demonstrate the same consideration and love to you. He'd make sure to also adapt well to your own mood or cheer you up and comfort you if you needed it. I guess we could say that trusting each other with your feelings and emotions is your love language. And that's why you work so well together; you're truly friends before you're lovers.

But again, in general he would get so giddy and excited when you do share his vibe. Would probably end up with the tension going through the roof. Sexy, angsty, funny, cute. Doesn't matter really.

And now suddenly he's having his way with you in whichever place you're in and truly keep the energy going.

"Oh you think you're funny now, uh?" would absolutely tease you for going along with him and turn it against you. Say shit like"Such a naughty girl for making such jokes" only to make you go insane.

Not in public, absolutely never in public. He's not a big fan of drawing the attention on him especially when he feels vulnerable. But once you get home, oh boy. Again, could be anywhere around the house in any moment of the day.

"Minho-" you'd try to say in between kisses, "Are you sure this is the time for this?" your tone not convincing even yourself. He'd smirk, jokingly grazing his teeth on your neck, "Why not? What, you want me to stop?" he'd tease, making you immediately say no and kiss him harshly.

Those kind of "I don't even know how I ended up here" type of situations. Insane and unhinged just like the man himself.

A joke goes too far and you're laughing a little to hard while you're doing laundry? The washing machine will do. You just got home and are too horny to think straight? The wall next to the entrance sounds good. It's a lazy evening and you're watching something on tv? The bedroom is the place. And so on <3

Changbin ‗ ❍

Changbin is probably someone who would love to have someone that he could spoil and take care of, 'baby' if you will, but would 100% do it back. I almost feel like it would be a standard for a relationship.

He is the type of man that would treat you like royalty and make sure that you're never missing anything. He wouldn't do it expecting to get anything in return, it's just really a matter of affecting and his love language.

But, it would make him very very happy if his s/o had the same type of dynamic.

For him specifically we're talking about both non material and material type of gifts/attention. Like comforting you or making you laugh when you need it, always making sure that you're comfortable and taken care of.

But also I feel like he would spoil you with gifts both randomly and in special occasions. If for example he buys you a birthday gift, it would have to be the best option that fit your taste perfectly. I also feel like you noticing it and making a comment on it like "Oh, Binnie thank you so much, it's my favorite color!" would make him extremely proud. Just in general seeing you happy and knowing that he contributed to it.

On your side, I think he would truly appreciate even the smallest and most mundane things like grabbing his jacket for him before he goes out and give him a little kiss goodbye, adding a slightly bigger portion of a food that he likes in comparison to another that he enjoys less, taking his hand/stroking his arm when he's feeling nervous to comfort him and so on.

It would make him feel loved. And a little babyed too, which I think he'd love to be honest. He'd absolutely baby you in return though, for sure.

All of these situations could easily turn into more explicit ones with the right setting or the right occasion.

For example, if we're talking about gifts, something a little kinky could be you buying a set of lingerie 'just for him'. Or the opposite. He could be the one buying you a nice necklace and comment on how he'd "Like to see you wearing only that"

Or maybe he could have a special event/professional engagement that he's feeling nervous about and you could say something like "I know you're gonna do great. My Binnie is always so good" getting closer to him adding "Make sure to do very well today too for me, okay? Just think of me waiting for you at home with a gift for you only" you'd add some touching or kissing to really seal the deal.

Good job, now you successfully turned him on. Would probably get distracted from his anxiety and go around with a shit eating grin, and of course, do absolutely great on stage. And after that he'd come come with a purpose, and that purpose was thanking you properly for giving him the confidence that he needed. And find his gift, of course.

Not even the time for you to congratulate him on his performance or say hello for that matter, that he'd be passionately kissing you. "Want to show me that little gift you were talking about, princess?" you'd smirk at him and just go "Unwrap it yourself, baby boy".

And he would absolutely do that in no time but not before picking you up and then bringing you to the bedroom to fully enjoy his gift.

Hyunjin ‗ ❍

Hyunjin is somewhat of an introvert yes, but he is also someone who can completely transform on stage, and that is thanks to confidence. Whether he's actually confident or kind of 'fakes it til he makes it', you can't really tell the difference. And that's because nonetheless he genuinely enjoys himself and has lots of fun dancing, singing and performing in general.

This is why I think that something that he would truly appreciate and find attractive in a s/o is the ability to be carefree. Doesn't necessarily mean that you couldn't be insecure or at the contrary be extremely confident. It just means that nonetheless you would be able to have fun and enjoy yourself when you're doing something you like.

For him it can be dancing, for you it can be something else. Whatever it is I feel like it would make him happy to see you truly happy. And also not take yourself too seriously. Maybe even make fun of each other from time to time.

Like when he's practicing a dance routine and being all sexy and serious and shit, maybe even purposefully make a show for you, and by the end of it you'd go "Hwang Hyunjin stop making sexy faces it's just me. Or do you want to seduce the walls?" that would probably make him laugh and instantly shift the mood. Maybe even get him a little shy, never hurts to tease.

And that's when you play it off, but there could easily be other occasions in which he would 100% try to seduce you and be successful at it.

He could be singing or dancing to a particularly 'exciting' song and somehow get you involved. Maybe whispering some lyrics with a low voice, or get you to dance/move with him finding an excuse to touch you. Or maybe both at the same time.

You could also play the same game though. Maybe one night you're feeling particularly in a good mood and just wanted to dance/sing like there's no tomorrow, so you'd try to get Hyunjin involved in your fun, usually being successful. He'd get shy at first but would slowly start to let himself go too.

In the same situation, if you were feeling in a specific mood though, you'd try your best to seduce him. Again, maybe mouthing or singing some lyrics suggestively and giving him bedroom eyes. Or dancing in the sexiest way you could manage, swaying your hips, touching your body or straight up coming onto him and teasing him up close, inviting him to put his own hands on you.

At that point the level of attraction that he was already feeling just from seeing you being so carefree and confident in having fun would straight up turn into being horny. He'd follow your movements with his hands on your body, maybe joining for a while only to explode not long after.

Any surface would do. You'd be way too drunk on each other and with way too much tension to release to think straight. "Look how messy we are right now, and who's fault is that?" he'd whisper in your ear while fucking you against the dance practice room wall.

"I have no idea" you'd tease, making him chuckle breathlessly, before bringing his head closer with your hand to kiss him deeply.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

[ladykailitha]

Sweet Home Indiana Part 6

@anne-bennett-cosplayer I hope this is enough time to recover from that last line. It's technically been 3 business days.

That last line was mean, and I'm sorry. So for being so mean, here's Claudia Henderson with some very tough love for Eddie.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

****

Eddie had done some serious groveling that night. He didn’t know how he could make up for all the hell he’d put Steve through. How does one even begin to make up for a decade worth of shitty behavior?

Especially since it was clear that the one thing that would make it all worth it was if Eddie came back to Steve and he couldn’t do that. Not to Chrissy. Not when she needed him the most.

He did the only thing he could think of and talk to the people who still cared about Steve. He started with Claudia Henderson. Even though she wasn’t Steve’s birth mother, she was more his mom then that shrew ever was.

She gathered him into a hug when he showed up on her doorstep.

“I was wondering when your shadow would darken my doorway,” Claudia said, as she lead the way to the kitchen.

Eddie winced at the harsh words even if they gently given. He looked around the small house, Dustin’s mark stamped on every corner even though he had moved out long ago. But more surprisingly was Steve’s touch had found its way into the decor. And not just his photos on the wall either.

It was in the Pacers blanket on the loveseat, the baseball bat by the front door, the bright yellow pillows on the sofa. Steve was loved here and god did that make Eddie’s heart ache.

He sat down at his usual spot at the counter and watched as she bustled around the kitchen getting him cookies and glass of milk.

“Why are you even here, Eddie?” she asked in that tough but loving way she always had. “You broke his heart and then threw it away.”

Eddie took bite of the cookie to give him time to formulate an answer. “Because I know I fucked up, okay? But the only way I can see to fix it is to come back to him and I can’t do that. I can’t tell you why, just know she’s in trouble and this is the only option we have.”

Claudia let out a long sigh and leaned on the counter. “You always did know the right things to say.”

“Not when it comes to him,” he scoffed, staring down at his milk like it would give him the answers. “I keep making it worse.”

She hummed her agreement. “That’s certainly true. But I think that was more about you trying to protect your heart from getting hurt, only you ended up hurting his instead.”

Eddie just dunked his cookie without comment, because he knew she was right. It was never about Steve. It was about all the people who hated him, who strung him along until they had their fun, about his mom dying and his dad leaving, about the band deciding they just didn’t want to do it anymore.

He loved being a tattoo artist, but that wasn’t the dream.

“What would you do or tell Dusty if it was him you’d come to see after a decade apart?” Claudia asked, looking up at him.

Eddie sat back in the stool and sighed. “How much I missed him and then I would try to spend as much time with him as possible.”

“There you have it,” she said. She straightened up and knocked on the counter twice. “The bakery is closed Fridays and the carnival is in town. Why don’t you take him and get to know who he is now, all right?”

He rubbed his face and sighed again. “Yeah, if he’ll even go with me. He probably already has a hot date lined up, though.”

Claudia shook her head. “At least not that he’s told me, anyway. In fact he was lamenting that he was thinking about not going because Robin had a date, but he didn’t and he didn’t want to third wheel it.”

That was so like Steve. Instead of finding someone to go with him, like a friend or something, he would just not go. Tell them to have fun without him.

“I guess the worse that could happen is have him curse me out and hang up,” Eddie said with wry smile. “And considering I’ve already had the pleasure once, a second time isn’t going to change much.”

She lifted her chin. “Well go on, then. If you think he’s going to cuss you out, call him. I want to see this.”

Eddie stuck his tongue out at her like a petulant child. But did as he was told.

“Hey, Eds,” Steve greeted, picking up the phone almost immediately.

His heart stuttered in his chest at the old nickname. “Hey, Stevie. I hear the carnival was in town this week and wanted to see if you want to go.”

“With you? Or with a group or whatever?” Steve asked, his voice pitching a little higher than normal.

“Just me,” Eddie confirmed. “When would be good for you?” He looked up at Claudia who had the smuggest grin on her face. He stuck his tongue out at her again.

“Oh, I–um...” he stammered. “Well, I was thinking of opening the shop on Friday even though I don’t usually because I was closed on Sunday.”

Eddie winced. He had a pretty good idea why Steve’s shop was closed on Sunday. Steve had called to bitch him out on Saturday evening when the special courier delivered the annulment papers. Something the law firm had paid for so they wouldn’t lose their best legal assistant.

“But sure, I could use a proper day off for a change,” Steve was saying when Eddie’s brain finally came back on. “How about two o’clock?”

“That’d be great,” he said a small, fond smile on his face. “I can’t wait. I haven’t been to a proper carnival in years.”

“Perks of living in a small town, I guess,” Steve replied.

Eddie started playing with his hair. “One of the few. Can’t say I’m a fan of the homophobia.”

Steve laughed, bright and sweet. “Yeah, okay. You got me there. Look I’ve got to go, Robin’s giving me the stink eye and I really should get back to work.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “I talk to you later.” He hung up and refused to look Claudia in the eye. He knew what he was going to see anyway. Her arms crossed over her chest and a triumphant smile on her face.

“I don’t believe I heard any cursing on that call,” she said dryly. He looked up at her and he as right about everything about how she was looking at him, only with the addition of a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah well,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes. “He always was a stubborn bastard and having to prove me wrong.”

Claudia’s face crumpled a bit. Because yes, Eddie had done a lot of harm to their relationship, Steve wasn’t exactly blameless in the whole ordeal. Because Max’s situation aside, Eddie was right that ‘the kids’ had families and parents of their own. That they had people who would look out for them. And if Steve hadn’t stepped up in Max’s case, she sure as hell would have. The awkwardness between Max and Dustin be damned.

If Steve had loved Eddie as much as he claimed, he wouldn’t have tried to force the metalhead to chose between his friends and his husband.

“He is that,” she admitted gently. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you two. You were always a better person when you were together, than when you were apart. And yes, he’s struggled a lot since you left, but looking at you now, I can see that the years haven’t been kind to you either.”

Eddie huffed. “That’s what Uncle Wayne said. That I lost my sparkle or whatever.”

Claudia came around the corner and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back tight.

“Your uncle is right, sweetie,” she murmured into his hair. “We only want you to be happy and it doesn’t feel like you are. You say you’re getting married, but where’s the bounce in your step and the smile that won’t stop? Like when you and Steve had come back from a week vacation married if only in the state of Massachusetts.”

He let out a shuddering breath and then another. Soon he was just sobbing. Crying like he couldn’t stop.

Eddie had never wanted to hurt Steve and he was sure Steve felt the same about him.

She soothed him with whispered assurances and stroking his hair. Soon enough he had slowed to a hiccuping sniffle and Claudia stepped back so she could look him in the eyes.

“I have a pretty good idea what’s really going on,” she said firmly. “And you’re being really sweet, but before you do something you regret, spend time in town. Take a look at the things that have changed and all the ones that haven’t. Then decide if it’s still the right thing to do.”

He gulped. He had no doubt that she had figured it out. She was Claudia Fucking Henderson, of course she did.

“You won’t tell anyone,” Eddie asked, tears threatening to spill again, “will you?”

She shook her head. “No, your secret is safe with me. I won’t make things harder on you then they need to be.”

She hugged him again and Eddie felt like he was home for the first time in over five years.

****

“Just where are you taking me, old man?” Eddie teased. He had met his uncle for lunch after being emotionally rung out at the Henderson place.

“You need a pick me up,” Wayne said, “and I need my afternoon brownie. Come along.”

Eddie came to an abrupt stop. “Um...I’ll wait out here, then.”

Wayne looked up at the shop’s sign and then back at him. “Look, son, you’re going to have to face him eventually. Especially with you going to carnival together and all.”

Eddie dug his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and followed Wayne dutifully into the bakery.

“Hey Mr. Munson!” Steve greeted cheerfully. “You here for your usual?”

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me ‘Wayne’?” he asked with a chuckle, walking up the to counter.

Steve blushed and hung his head. “I guess I’m just old fashioned.” He cleared his throat and straightened up. “So what can I get you and your shadow today?”

Wayne reared his head back and then looked over his shoulder to see Eddie hanging back, but sticking as close to him as possible.

“That’ll be two monsters, one of your apple fritters, and a half dozen of your snickerdoodles,” he said shaking his head. Then he turned to Eddie. “And what do you want?”

Eddie’s eyes nearly burst out of his head. Steve and Wayne laughed.

“I suppose I should have said ‘what else do you want?’” Wayne clarified.

Eddie blushed and peered around Wayne’s shoulder to look into the case. “A peanut butter madness, please.”

Steve’s face lit up with delight. “These are the ones Jeff’s mom was slandering with having them stale. They are so much better warm out of the oven. In fact, here!” He grabbed it out of the case and wandered to the back.

He came out a few moments later. Eddie nearly melted from the tantalizing scent of warm brownie filled the air.

“What did you do?” Eddie cried as he reached out with grabby hands.

Steve handed it to him. “Careful, it’s hot. I microwaved it for thirty seconds. Should be perfect now.”

Eddie cautious bite and moaned as soon as the peanut butter hit his mouth. He savored every bit of that first bite. “Fuck, Stevie. These should be a sin.”

Steve smiled and then got to work on the rest of Wayne’s order as Eddie devoured every inch of that brownie.

“How long are you in town for, Eds?” he asked as he handed over the boxes to Wayne.

Eddie grabbed a paper napkin from the dispenser by the register and wiped off his hands and mouth of the gooey remains.

“I’ve got to back by Monday,” he said, a tad mournfully. He never thought he’d miss this place after spending so long running from it. The town. Not the bakery. Though he had spent a lot of his time running from its owner, too.

Steve’s own smile faltered a bit too. “Not even a whole week, huh? I guess there really is no rest for the wicked.”

They chatted for a bit before more customers came in and Steve had to get back to work. Eddie and Wayne walked out of the shop laden with goodies. Steve had divided them up for Eddie and Wayne separately. Wayne handed Eddie his box.

“Now was that so terrible?” he asked with big grin.

“No.”

Because it really wasn’t. In fact it was kinda nice just chatting with Steve.

Leaving was looking more and more bleak with each passing moment.

****

Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Tag List:

1- @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @ravenfrog @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi

3- @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @vecnuthy @irregular-child

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1

5- @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt

6- @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95

7- @blackpanzy @amazing-spiderkeys @oldpinghai @raisedbylibrarians @kultiras

8- @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steddie-as-they-go @captain--low @micheledawn1975 @thespaceantwhowrites

9- @mac-attack19 @blondie1006

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hey, this is the same 14 year old from earlier. first, i want to thank you so much for such a well rounded, thoughtful response. i went through all the resources and they were all very helpful. after thinking about it, i think i probably won't do this after all. technically i think i am ready, i understand the possible consequences, i know how to be safe, etc etc, but i'm just kind of anxious. and it might be a better idea to wait to do things like this with someone i actually have romantic feelings towards, because i'll probably enjoy it more then, right? i'm not exactly sure why i agreed to do it in the first place, i guess curiosity or for the sake of formative teenage experiences or literally just "why not" lmao. i do have one more question if that's alright, do you know of a good way to tell her that i don't really want to do this anymore? we haven't set up an actual date and time yet but she's serious about it and i was serious about it but obviously my opinion has changed. i feel kind of guilty about backing out especially because she kinda wanted this as a rebound after breaking up with her girlfriend of like, six years (which means it might be good if we don't do this anyway, this might be an impulsive decision on her part that she ends up regretting).

also one more question (sorry) if you have the time and energy for it. i know there's a lot of people asking you questions haha. how would you get an STI or STD through oral sex? i understand the basics, its spread through genital fluids and gets into your body that way, but how would the symptoms start showing in your own genitals? or would they not and just show up in your mouth or throat? the planned parenthood link kind of talked about that, but it said that it was rare. anyway thank you so much! you've been genuinely so helpful and kind and i appreciate it so much!

hello! welcome back! it's great to hear from you again, and I'm glad that response was helpful. it's awesome that you were able to weigh all the available information to make that decision. you'll have plenty of other opportunities for formative teenage experiences, very few of which have to involve sex at all - I'd be a bad sex witch if I didn't tell you that I didn't have sex with another person for the first time until I was almost 21!

cancelling this plan with your friend might feel awkward, but it doesn't need to be worse than dipping out of any other activity. "hey, I think I changed my mind about wanting to see this movie; I don't really think I'm going to vibe with it. thank you for inviting me, though!" 'I'm actually not feeling up to going to the game, but I hope you can find someone else to go with." "sorry to change our plans, but I think having sex actually isn't something I want to do right now. thanks for being understanding."

this may hurt your friend's feelings; it can often feel extremely personal and hurtful when someone doesn't reciprocate an interest in sex, and feel much worse than someone saying no to other kinds of plans. this may be especially true if you're right about your friend trying to rebound from a previous relationship - six years is a long relationship for anyone, especially someone for whom six years is almost half of their life, and there's a good chance she's still feeling sore from the loss of that relationship and is seeking comfort and validation from another source (you). good on you for being insightful enough to notice this and recognize this! that's an important trait to have, both as a friend and in your future romantic and sexual relationships.

if your friend doesn't take it well when you change your mind, you may need to get a little space from her while her feelings cool off. remember, while you should be kind when you say no - obviously nothing like "I wouldn't want to have sex with you, you're gross and just rebounding" - you're not doing anything wrong at all by changing your mind, and if your friend starts trying to pester you into changing your mind or acting more harshly to you, we've definitely crossed into the territory where she's the asshole. (not that you're the asshole for saying no; nobody is the asshole in that scenario.) if she takes it poorly, it's okay to ask her for some distance and spend less time around her until the hurt feelings are mended.

remember: you don't need to feel guilty for changing your mind. you are always allowed to do that, even if you're in the middle of having sex. you don't owe anyone else access to your body, ever, and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise can go straight into the trash.

and please don't ever feel the need to apologize for asking about STIs, they're one of my favorite things to talk about!

for many STIs that can be transmitted to the mouth, the symptoms will stay in the mouth and/or throat. sometimes that will look like sores or blisters in or around the mouth, which are sometimes painful and ooze discharge and sometimes don't feel like anything at all. it can also feel like an ordinary cold, with a sore throat and some difficulty swallowing. in most cases, the symptoms won't spread to your genitals unless you also contracted the STI there as well - for instance, if you touched your mouth and tongue to an infected partner's genitals and then also touched your genitals to theirs as well. but while the symptoms looks different, the medicines that treat STIs affecting the genitals are just as effective at clearing up infections in the mouth and throat.

I'm super happy to help, and please know you can send in more asks any time :)

[pianostarinwonderland]

maybe skully isnt dead 🤯 [half copium half srs]

listen. ik ive been on copium for a while. ik we all are, ive seen twitter, tumblr, and everyone’s tags on my posts when they reblog

BUT PLS HEAR ME OUT. IM SO SERIOUS RN WHEN I SAY: if u wanna be technical about it, if u wanna stretch it out somehow, you can argue that the game never outright states that skully is dead, only that the skully we met was from hundreds of years ago.

“but mamsir pianostarinwonderland, how in the fuck can that be???? we HEARD that invisible kiss” LET ME COOKKKKKK 🔥🔥🔥 I SWEAR EVERYONE, I AM COOKING U JUST HAVE TO HEAR ME OUUUUUUUUUUUUUT— knocked out

Ok serious time, let me mansplain to you all the possibility of Skully being alive

Establishing first of all, Twst has kept Skully's nature vague

Simply put: we don't know if Skully is human. In his live 2D, Skully's ears are completely covered. Even in his illustration, we can barely see his ears. It's an interesting design choice. However, in his chibi (which wasn't revealed until Episode 5), we can see his ears aren't shaped like a fae, but are round like that of a human.

However, it's pretty hard to think he's human either, when we consider his "moshi, ne moshi" greeting in Episode 1 and its connection to the supernatural. Voiced, to be noted. Exactly what kind of creature he could be is currently unknown, but because this part was voiced, it's something we need to pay attention to at the very least.

In regards to his mortality, the only clue we're really given is Skully himself saying that he may never meet us except through Halloween, which implies a lifespan similar to a human or something similar. But Skully doesn't know how far into the future that the cast is from. Heck, does he even know of his nature?

Now, addressing that invisible kiss...

I feel like this is the main thing that told all of us that Skully is long gone. Heck, if you catch me in my right mind, I might just tell you that yeah, that should be enough proof that Skully is dead! Little signs from the dead such can manifest in similar ways to what Jamil and Leona sensed: hearing a kiss and feeling a kiss on your hand.

(unfortunately i'm not in my right mind so you're getting my dumb reasons why i'm arguing for otherwise)

However, if Skully is gone, I find it interesting that this is the way they decide to show it. We already know from the very first Halloween event that ghosts can manifest all year round in Night Raven College due to the high concentration of magical power in the area. Outside of that, they cannot be seen. If they really wanted to confirm with the audience that Skully is a ghost, they could have had him appear as such at the end, when they all returned to Night Raven College.

But they chose a scenario where people can draw a lot of conclusions from it: Is their senses getting fucked over as they wake up? Are they still reeling from the magic of the book? (though rationally, we know that Leona is not one to be easily stunned, so the first question is at the very least easy to dismiss)

I've also seen some people theorize that he's using invisibility magic during the invisible kiss scene. And well, while I find that funny, it makes me wonder if he could be some other kind of spirit that's not dead. Like an undead of some sort, which the residents of Halloween Town are. Heck, Azul's card line about Skully talks about how he seems to fit right at home with the Halloween Town residents. Again, we don't know Skully's true nature, but the possibility of him being a species that can turn invisible is interesting.

Moving on, we have what Dire Crowley stated about Skully

At the end of the event, Crowley tells us that he found Skully’s portrait while rummaging through the storage and shows it to us and the 11 boys who went inside the book

What he tells us is that Skully J. Graves is a NRC graduate from hundreds of years ago, before Crowley was Headmage. Note that he only was appointed for the position 100 years ago; the Skully we met is at least from around 200 years ago. During his NRC years, Skully got to share Halloween to NRC. It was a hit, and when he graduated, he spread Halloween all over the world in his travels.

I'd like to take a little detour first to discuss something that's been weighing on my mind: Some people have thought that Crowley is lying to us when he speaks about Skully and his achievements, but... I don't see why he would lie. For one, there is a decent chance that Crowley might not have gotten to see Skully. Even if he did, it's even more unsure if he was involved in Skully's affairs.

However, there's one main reason why I do think that Skully got to live a fulfilling life instead of facing an overblot that killed him or some other tragedy. I'd like to dedicate a longer post to this matter, but to make it concise, I think through Skully, Twst is starting to establish something new regarding their history. I think that historical teachings, folktales and stories, and rumors that are well-known tend to be lies or twisted truths. Whereas those that are obscure and not known are actually what occurred. Skully is called the King of Halloween who's done so much to spread the holiday to the world, yet not even NRC students, who should be the first to know considering that Skully is an alumna, know of him. Although there may be other reasons why that's the case, I like to think that at the very least, Skully's obscurity indicates that he did live the life he wanted and succeeded in working for a future that generations after him can enjoy.

Anyway, that actually isn't the main point of this section of the post, but I kind of want to air that out first. The main point is that Crowley only really said that Skully is a former NRC student from hundreds of years ago who traveled around the world to spread Halloween. But he never told us where he was buried or whether he saw his ghost roaming NRC. He never said anything about Skully being dead.

He probably said the hundreds of years ago bit, carrying the assumption that of course, Skully may have passed away. But we have to remember that we have long-living species in Twisted Wonderland. Fae that were students 200 years ago are very likely to be alive now. Crowley himself is a long-living creature, having been Headmage for 100 years. I think with that in mind, it's important for him to emphasize that Skully's gone if he really is. But he never mentioned it. Therefore, there is a good chance that Skully might just be somewhere else. That or Crowley just doesn't give a fuck where his alumni go, and I might be thinking too deeply about the absence of certain words. Honestly, that's a pretty good chance too.

Lastly, we have the scene where Jack Skellington gets shot down but survives it

Here's where it gets a bit more into speculation, but you're going to have to hear me out.

In the movie, Jack Skellington gets shot down by the military for impersonating Santa Claus. When the Halloween Townspeople watched it, they all despaired, and the mayor started declaring to all that Jack has been blown to smithereens and proclaimed him dead.

But that's not what happened: we find Jack landing on an angel's statue, alive and definitely not blown to smithereens.

And considering that Skully is still very much twisted from Jack Skellington... do you think the writers are pulling a similar move? Making us think that he's dead, just as the townspeople thought he was dead, only for us to learn eventually that he's alive.

This of course depends on what happens eventually in the sequel. From the way things are proceeding, what happened in the Lost in the Book with TNBC is events prior to the movie, and we could very well have the sequel be set during the movie events. (If you ask me, I kind of doubt that actually. I feel like Skellington got inspired by Skully's love for Halloween, enough to stay true to his identity as the Pumpkin King, which would mean the movie wouldn't happen the way we know it. So if anything, I feel like TNBC 2 would focus less on the actual movie and more on the side games where Oogie takes over Halloween Town and even kidnaps Santa and other people, but I admit, that's a stretch, especially considering that we will get Santa giving Halloween Town a taste of Christmas)

Of course, this post is really just to let some of my copium out. Rn, it's still safe to assume that yea, Skully's dead. And though I am coping hard for Skully to be alive, with the way Twst treats the dead, it's not exactly a bad thing. Ghosts continue to stay in NRC like they're living people. They honor the dead, and let the dead live among them. And even if he is in the afterlife and not stuck in the mortal plane, I have faith that Skully did live a fulfilling life that may have been forgotten but clearly changed the world. :'D

[starry-eyes-love]

Ch 8- A Christmas Story

Main Masterlist     Series Masterlist

My Journey to You Series:  Ch. 8- A Christmas Story (can read as a stand alone or in order with the series).

Pairings | Joel Miller x F!Reader with a lot of Ellie interactions 

Summary | A Christmas Story in January, three wishes granted, and finally the concept of a family once again…and F!Reader and Joel’s teasing hit an all time high between them.

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI.  Language, slight angst (Joel and reader overthinks stuff again), sexual tension/teasing to the max, panic attack (Joel has one), a ton of fluffy fluff fluff stuff (like a ton), a lot of funny/cute little moments, references to smut (without actual smut though), passionate kissing, terms of endearment (baby, honey, etc.), Ellie calls Joel dad (it needs its own warning), Joel hears Sarah’s voice, Christmas theme stuff, water and snowball fight, Ellie and Joel banter, implied age gap (without any reference to age), Christmas cookies, family and marriage dynamic references, and I don’t want to spoil too much more.  This one is a tear jerker (funny laughter and fluffy stuff wise) but in the best possible way for them. And a ring may be involved (shhh). Ok, not going to spoil it anymore…just read it…oh and an old guy in a fat Santa suit :)   

Word Count:  10.9 K (not sorry really)

Ellie immediately started laughing as Joel struggled with the Santa suit. “Joel, you look funny in a fat suit,” she said, laughing out loud at a pillow peeking through his Santa jacket.  “I haven't heard of no Joel before, I'm Santa.” He said, with a husky voice. “So what happened to Joel? Did ya kill him when you landed your fat ass on top of him with your sleigh…”

Joel had hunted for the perfect Christmas tree. He tried to find one that wasn’t too big or too small, something that would easily fit inside the cabin. After searching for the better part of a day, Joel finally found one that was perfect. You had been sitting by the fire, relaxing after making jerky for food, when you heard Joel through the door say “Hey, can ya help me with this?”

When you opened your eyes and peered through the window you gasped at seeing the tree. “Joel, are you serious? Did you actually get us a Christmas tree?” you said, eyes bright and a huge smile plastered on your face. It had been ages since you had a Christmas tree, let alone a proper Christmas. Christmas was always your favorite holiday and you were absolutely blown away that Joel was making the effort to give you something from your childhood, even though it was long past the holiday season.

After the tree was up, Ellie and you searched the storage totes again and found some old Christmas decorations with lights. There were only a few ornaments in the storage containers, so you improvised. You hung a few spoons, a hunting knife that was broken, a few old holey socks, and a few pieces of paper that had fallen out from old books; all of which were placed on the tree like ornaments. It wasn't the best looking tree, but it meant something to the three of you. It showed that even with survival, there was still a chance of having a family once again.

The following days after you put up the tree you kept to yourself more, getting lost in your own thoughts of the past again. You thought about what time of the year it was, and by your calculations and best estimate, you figured it was sometime in the middle of January. Technically Christmas was in the past, being a December holiday. When you brought this fact up to Joel, he told you to stop worrying. That the whole point of any of this was to give Ellie a taste of Christmas, no matter what time of year or suggested date it was on the calendar. No one kept a calendar anymore, all any of you could do was guess. 

You tried not to worry, but you started overthinking again. You didn't tell anyone, but you silently hoped that Christmas would bring you a family once again. You knew Joel hadn't said that he loved you yet, but you were hoping he'd say it now for Christmas. What you didn't know was that Joel had been saying that he loved you, but just in Spanish, and you didn’t speak Spanish. Joel said ‘te amo’ almost every day to you, which meant that he loved you. He said it in front of Ellie once, and you saw Ellie's eyes go wide. Joel shot her a quick glare to be quiet. When you had asked her why she reacted that way, and if she understood Spanish, she said no. You didn't voice it, but you knew that she was lying. You tried asking Joel again what ‘te amo meant’, but he never answered you. He just walked outside and pretended not to hear you. You were starting to think that maybe your idea of Joel telling you that he loved you was wrong, that actually he was being mean to you once again, but this time in Spanish. You were so lost and confused, overthinking things once again in your head.

In the following days when you heard that the traps needed to be checked and reset, you volunteered to do it. This allowed you to mull things over in your head, without interruption or having to explain why you were being more quiet and keeping to yourself. You were gone for the better part of a day, taking longer than normal to check and reset the traps. You were so lost in thought, bent over and working on the last trap that you never heard Joel approach.

“Ya know, I didn't think watchin’ you attempt to check and rest a trap for the last 20 minutes would be so sexy. But I guess I was wrong.” He said, leaning up against a tree with his arms crossed.

You slowly straightened up and glanced over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow up at him. You didn't want to argue or fight, so you were wary of saying anything. When you looked at Joel, frustration was not what you saw. You saw him look at you like he was a wolf, and that you were his prey. His eyes were dark and pupils blown wide with lust. When you trailed your eyes down his body, you saw a tight prominent bulge in the front. The longer you looked, the more you felt your own heat rise up in your spine, and a deep throb started someplace else inside of you. How can that man stand there and look that damn sexy, you thought to yourself.

Joel stared at you, wondering the same thing. Damn woman. You're making it so fucking hard f’me. I just wanna bend ya over right there and fuck that nice tight lil’ ass of yours. Joel's thoughts were running rampant in his head, he was fighting hard to keep his calm composure and not give in to his animal instincts. After a moment of eye fucking you he said in a husky voice, “Ya wanna bend over for me, nice and slow baby? Let me see that nice tight ass of yours?”

“Yeah, well Miller, you can't touch now can you?” You said, smiling at Joel, trying to push the beast in front of you to give in and devour you. You craved Joel in every possible way. And by the way he was glaring at you, you figured he was thinking the same thing that you were. You wanted him desperately to stop being so noble, to just give in to his animal urges and claim you completely as his. 

With a slight smirk and another slow palm to his crotch Joel said, “well baby, that's why I'm asking ya to bend back over f’me. I wanna see that nice, big-”

“You better not be referring to my ass as being big there old man, or so help me God, that'll be the last time you see it in this position.” You glared at Joel, silently challenging him to continue.

You saw Joel swallow hard, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down at your statement. Apparently your mouth turned him on. God, why did your smartass attitude sound so incredibly sexy to him right now? You watched Joel place his hands on his hips, slowly taking a few steadying breaths. It was getting harder and harder for him to deny you. This little chase game between the two of you was heating up, and Joel was miserable. You've been teasing the fuck out of him for days, not kissing him or allowing him to touch you sexually. He was about two seconds away from saying screw it and give in to you. He wanted you, desperately. Evidence of this was inside his pants right now, straining hard against his zipper.  Throbbing and pulsing to every fast beat of his heart, reminding him that even in this unforgiving world, that he was still a man that had needs. And his needs were screaming at him to bend you over and claim that perfect little cunt of yours as his. God man, get a fucking grip on yourself.

Joel scolded himself internally, he remembered the discussion the two of you have had recently regarding the act of penetration.  “Joel, do I not turn you on, do you not want sex? Every time I try, you say no. I want to. Please.”  Your thoughts and mouth had overflowed with doubt and anxiety at his relationship with you recently. It wasn't like he didn't want to have sex, God he wanted nothing more than to give in and give you everything. But he was trying to do this right, or so he thought. “Just a little while longer,” he had said to you. But the more he watched you right now, the more he started to question his own logic. 

Joel, being so lost in thought, was surprised when you slowly bent over and ran your hand up the back of your ass. “Mr. Miller, I want you to fuck this so bad.” You had said, looking back at him, pleading with your eyes.

Joel was trying to be a good man for you, a true gentleman. But you almost made him cum right there on the spot with that move. Right now he wanted to throw all caution out of the way and just bury himself deep inside of you, claim you as truly his. With a low growl, and a firm palm to his crotch, Joel looked at you with warning eyes and said, “Darlin', ya can't say shit like that t’me and expect me not to-” Joel had to stop himself before he fully admitted to his weakness. He knew that if he told you that he wanted to fuck you, that you'd touch him. And the moment you'd touch him would be when his last resolve would snap, and he'd give in to you with no restraint.

When you looked back at Joel, he looked completely wrecked. That man is truly like iron steel with his resolve. Holding back and not giving in, you thought.  For a moment you truly were impressed with his ability to say no. But as the intense stare down continued, you knew he was on the verge of breaking and giving you what you wanted. But by how black his pupils looked, you knew he wouldn’t be able to be gentle, and that terrified and excited you all at the same time. You wanted him to give you everything that he had, to not hold back anymore, and to just let himself feel something. “Ya alright?” you said, while walking over to Joel. When he didn't respond, you were concerned. So with a long exhale you said, “Look Joel, I'm sorry, I-”

“No ya ain't. Ya ain't fucking sorry and you know it. Fuck woman, ya need to stop teasing me like this.” He said, pointing down at the front of him. You could see that he was uncomfortable, pants visibly tight around his big length. He was slightly throbbing through his denim jeans as his belt fit nice and snug on his waist. His lips were slightly parted as he slowly licked them, getting them nice and moist.  He ran a hand through his hair, breathing heavy, cock twitching at your staring eyes.  You heard a low growl emit from his chest as he said with a stern voice “quit fucking staring at me like that, and stop your god damn teasing, now.”

When you slowly raised your eyes up to Joel’s face, you saw the wild man, the wolf within him, stare back at you. Joel had that look in his eyes of pure dominance. He wanted you to challenge him, so he could claim you as truly his. Every warning bell was going off in your head from him, and you did the only thing that you knew you could do in this situation.  You pushed him a little more, wanting his resolve to snap hard. “Teasing you? I'm not teasing you Joel.” You said, allowing irritation to lace your voice. Here you were minding your own business, thinking about stuff when he told you that you looked sexy and to bend over, and now giving you fuck me eyes. What the fuck was his problem, he was teasing you, you thought.

Joel didn't say anything, but he continued to look at you breathing hard. He knew you were challenging him, hoping that he’d lash out and teach you a lesson. You two had a lot of sexual tension building up over the past few months. And honestly, you two needed to fuck it out, but here was not the proper time nor place to do it.  So he gently shook his head no, and took three steps back from you, dropping his hands to his sides while whispering “baby, we can’t.” 

You knew that Joel was backing down, retreating from his feelings once again. And this made you frustrated.  This was the whole reason why you were out here in the first place. You needed some time to be away from the tension inside the house, from the constant reminder that Joel didn’t want you sexually the way that you wanted him.  So when you turned back around to go back to the trap, you were surprised to feel Joel grab your arm.  Confusion laced your face when you looked down at his contact with you. His voice, almost in a pained whisper said, “baby please, just wait a sec. Maybe we could, I- uh want to, I want- shit.” He said, shaking his head.

“Joel, what is it?” You were hoping that if he couldn’t do the act that he obviously wanted to do, that maybe he could just at least talk about it with you.

Joel just stared at you, pleading with his eyes for you to understand him.  He wanted to say ‘Baby, I love you and wanna fuck you so bad,’ but he couldn't voice it to you. Joel was scared. He was scared of feeling the things he felt for you in a world that was truly unforgiving. He didn't want to feel the pain of losing you, like he had when he lost Sarah. He also didn't want to be alone anymore. So with a huff he said “looks like ya got it all figured out. Don't- don't take too much more time.” 

When he turned to leave, you reached out and grabbed him by the arm and said, “what, no kiss goodbye?”  You wanted something to hold on to, something that said that all this sexual tension was worth it, that he wanted you. That maybe he actually did love you.  But when you saw Joel looking at you with a stone cold look on his face, one that was also mixed with pain, you heard him whisper “no” as he pulled further away.

“Why? Did I do something wrong? Joel, what did I do so wrong, why don’t you want to-”

“No darlin' you didn't do anything wrong.” He said, stopping and smiling kindly at you. “I just- it ain't a good idea right now is all, ok. We can’t, not here. I need to get back.” And with that he yanked his arm out of your grasp and marched towards the cabin once again. 

You called back to him and said “why? Joel, I don't understand,” but he never stopped. You were left standing there, now more confused than ever, thinking to yourself, what in the hell was that?

Do you want me to fuck you? Is that what you want? Your words kept playing over and over again in Joel's head from the other night as he marched back to the cabin. Do you even want me Joel? He couldn't stop the racing thoughts as they entered his mind. 

When he got back to the cabin, he went inside. Once he was inside he slammed his fist onto the closed door, placing his head against it with his eyes closed. He was breathing hard and fast, heart pounding hard inside his chest. He tried to slow his breathing down when he felt the ache in his chest start again, like it has so many times before. But this time it was a little different, he felt a tightness take over too. His vision started to blur, and his ears began to ring. He was spiraling out of control into a god forsaken panic attack once again. 

Before he was sucked too far down into his fears, he felt someone put their hand on his back and softly whisper, “dad you're gonna be ok. Just breathe. Come on, slow breaths for me.”

“I can't, it's too much.” He said, eyes shut tight as he felt his heart pound hard into his chest.

“No, it's not too much. One long breath in, hold for two seconds, then exhale for three. Come on dad, with me.”

Joel heard the breaths going in and out, and the voice that attempted to calm him.  He thought he was hallucinating, hearing Sarah’s voice once again, but it sounded different from what he usually could hear in his mind.  As he tried to focus on breathing, he struggled. Then he heard the voice say in a soft and gentle manner again, “What scared you?” 

“I don't wanna be alone, but I don't want to feel the pain of losing you again” he said, feeling his heart pound faster in his chest at the admittance of what caused his panic attack to start. 

“You ain't gonna be alone dad, we love you. Now come on, breathe with me and repeat after me ‘I’m safe, I'm calm, I'm loved.’” 

Joel repeated it multiple times, for several minutes, listening to the voice calm him and slow his breathing down.  His heart had returned to normal in his chest, vision no longer cloudy and ears no longer ringing. Finally he took a big breath in and out, steadying himself once again. But before he opened his eyes he heard the voice say, “I love you dad, please never forget it.” And then the soft voice was gone. Joel opened his eyes and looked behind him as he slowly watched Ellie walk towards her bedroom. It was then that he realized the soft voice wasn't Sarah, it was Ellie. And his heart constricted once again, but this time out of love for the teenager he traveled with. “Thanks baby girl” he whispered as Ellie walked away. Ellie never acknowledged it, but she heard him loud and clear.

Once you got back, Joel was already in his room with the door shut. Ellie said that when he returned, he just walked in saying that he wasn't feeling well, and then went to lay down in his bedroom. She never told you that he had a panic attack, and that she helped him calm down. You sat talking with Ellie for a bit, she continued to ask you a million questions about what life was like before during Christmas. Eventually you felt your eyelids grow heavy, so with a smile you said “I'm gonna go and get some sleep Ellie. It’s been a long day.” You were still hurt and sensitive about your earlier discussion with Joel, second guessing his feelings for you once again.

Ellie just nodded at you, not saying anything in return. As you got to the hallway you heard her say “just so ya know, te amo means I love you or love you in Spanish. Joel, he's emotionally constipated and hurting right now. He doesn't want to lose you or I like he did Sarah. So, I don't know, just cut him some slack or something. I want a family for Christmas.”

You just looked at Ellie and nodded your head. When she went back to reading her book you went to your own room, letting Joel have the other room by himself.  You two needed a break, well mostly you did.  You were exhausted and needed to sleep, but didn’t want to lay next to the man who made you ache inside for him when he wouldn’t do anything to help relieve that discomfort. You and Joel used to play around with each other, where he’d use his fingers and mouth to help you get off.  But recently he wouldn’t even do that. Something was different with him, and you didn’t know what caused it or why.  

After you laid down you found that sleep quickly caught up to you. And for once it gave you pleasant dreams. Dreams of a family and a life that you wanted with a foul mouthed teenager named Ellie, and a wise old grump named Joel. Christmas was going to be great this year, or at least it was like that in your dreams.  Little did you know, your dreams would soon become reality.

3 Days Later

“Joel, you can't see for shit beyond ten yards away. You're old and blind” Ellie said, sitting by the fire and talking with Joel.

“What the hell does that even mean, ya little shit? I can see beyond 10 yards, ya smartass, right y/n?”

“Hey, don't bring me into this argument,” you said, laughing at the banter between Joel and Ellie.

“See y/n agrees, you're old as shit Joel.”

“What? How’d you come up with that logic?  She didn’t even say anythin,’” Joel huffed, going back and forth with Ellie.  The banter between these two for the last few days was getting more frequent, which made you laugh harder each time. It wasn’t that these two were fighting. They were just bickering with each other, playful banter really, and something that reminded you of a family.  You remember seeing your uncles do it with their teenage daughters, it reminded you of home. 

“Look here smartass, don't go and spread lies ‘bout me that ain't true. If ya can’t verify it or back it up, then you’re just making stuff up.” Joel was now standing tall and pointing a finger at Ellie. Ellie, relaxed on the floor, was questioning Joel in whether or not he could even see to shoot a bow, as he was struggling to read the book in his hands. He kept squinting, huffing to himself and saying that people needed to stop printing books in such small print.

“Joel, you can’t see the large print book in front of you, when it says ‘large print’ on it. You’re fucking blind ya old man, ain’t that right y/n?” Ellie said with a serious look on her face.

“Ellie, god damnit watch your mouth. Ya hear me? I said no swearin’. And you over there,” Joel said while pointing a finger at you, “stop your damn laughing.” You were rolling around on the floor laughing so hard that your stomach hurt at the calm bickering that Ellie and Joel were both doing. You could barely contain your laughter, trying not to hurt or bruise Joel’s ego at the situation that he swore just as bad (and if not worse) than Ellie did, yet he was yelling at her for swearing.

“Damn it, I can’t read this sentence.  Y/n what the hell does this even say here with this small print.  I tell ya, they don’t make books like they used to.” Joel mumbled to himself, while pointing out the sentence he couldn’t read.

Ellie immediately tried to grab the book, offering to help Joel read it. But Joel quickly batted her hand away, putting the book into your hands.  You glared at Ellie and Joel, trying to decide what you should do.  Ellie was pleading with her eyes for you to crack a joke so she could continue with the easy conversation of teasing Joel.  Joel was looking at you to solve the problem he was having.  After a moment you brought the book up so you could read it, deciding to help Ellie have some more fun, and for you to have a little fun with the old man that was in front of you. You needed to relax too, not every interaction with Joel needed to be so intense.

“Ok Joel, I’ll help you.  What do you want me to read?” you asked innocently, hiding the devilish smirk behind your calm exterior. When Joel pointed out the sentence, mumbling again how books aren’t created like they used to be, having the print too small, you couldn’t help yourself. You took a deep breath and said, “well first off Joel, this book was written back in 1945. But you’re right, they don’t make them like they used to. And you’d know that perfectly wouldn’t you, with your age.” You then went to start to read the sentence and you noticed that Joel froze as he sat down, looking over at Ellie who was sitting upright, not yet laughing or saying anything at the old reference.  You had to hand it to the kid, she patiently waited until your next sentence came out.

“Ok Joel it says, ‘once upon a time, an old man named Joel couldn’t see, so he decided to blame the world for being old. He asked a beautiful, young, and attractive woman to help his poor, old, feeble self by reading something that a blind man could honestly see. So she decided to help, because he was really cute, and in the end, she agreed with the teenager that he was old as fuck. The End.’”

“Gimme that wiseass” he said as you finished.  Ellie was now bent over laughing so hard that she was hyperventilating at how much you were in on teasing Joel too.  ��No respect from the younger generation I tell ya, no respect.”  Joel then got up with a groan and sulked towards the bedroom with his book in his hands.  When he got to the hallway he turned around and said “if y'all are through laughin’ at me, I’m gonna go and read in the bedroom and get some sleep.”

“Cause you’re old as shit” Ellie said.

Joel, not realizing what Ellie had said out loud, commented “right, see you in the morning.”  

You and Ellie both roared with laughter at the fact that Joel didn’t realize what he agreed to.  After a moment, he stopped and then hit his head with the palm of his hand, saying, “I didn’t mean that. I’m not agreeing to that.” 

You replied, “see Ellie, apparently he’s old, blind and deaf too.”

“No respect I tell ya, none.” He said loudly upon hearing what you said. Huffing to himself, he marched into the bedroom yelling “and yet y’all need me to survive” as he slammed the door.  

Both Ellie and you continued to laugh in the living room.  After a moment you said “we probably shouldn’t make fun of him so much, he gets a little touchy ya know.”

“I know,” Ellie said, “but it’s so much fun teasing Papa Bear like this. Reminds me of what it’d be like if he was my dad.  Well, I’m gonna go to bed.”  She said, then getting up and leaving for her room.

“Night Ellie,” you said as Ellie walked towards her bedroom.  You sat there in the living room for a little while longer, rubbing your eyes and giggling to yourself at the funny banter that happened. Life was feeling pretty good for a bit. But now with the quiet, you felt your heart constrict and those empty thoughts of being alone came rushing back in. After sitting there in silence you decided to go to bed yourself. Forcing your thoughts to rest in your head at the fact that you were going to be sleeping alone once again.

When morning came, you had decided to bake Christmas cookies in secret. You recruited Ellie to help you keep Joel distracted for the afternoon. Ellie had apologized to Joel in the morning, he had called her a smartass again, but it seemed like he forgave her.  He wouldn’t talk to you really, telling you that you were mean to him and that he doesn’t talk to mean people.  You knew he was just joking as he gave you a wink and a light hip chuck at the statement when he stood next to you in the kitchen.  You’ve never seen this side of Joel, so carefree and fun that it shocked and surprised you, but also turned you on.  You loved carefree Joel, someone that you hoped you would be able to see more of.  Once Ellie was talking Joel's ear off outside, you started to bake your surprise Christmas cookies.

“Hey old man, why haven’t you told her what Te amo means yet?” Ellie asked, leaving out the part that she already told you what it meant. She wanted Joel to say it to you, knowing that you both loved each other very much and she wanted both of you to be happy. 

“Not the right time” was all he said, huffing as he swung the axe to chop firewood. “And stop calling me old” he said with another grunt and swing of the axe.  

“When’s the right time Joel?” She questioned, transfixed at what he was doing.

“Dunno” was his only reply as he swung the axe yet again.

“Joel I-”

“Ellie, this ain’t none of your business what her and I- what we- Look, her and I have-”

“God Joel, you’re forgetting that I’m practically an adult, I know you two have your little love sessions. That’s what I mean, if y’all can fuck, then why can’t you tell her that you love her?”

“Keep your voice down” Joel snapped, approaching Ellie for a moment to grab another piece of firewood. “And for the record, we ain’t fuckin’ yet, so-”

“Why not? Can’t get it up old man, is that the problem?” She joked, smiling at her sarcasm that she just gave him.

He just shook his head at her, not answering her.  Getting it up was not the problem, that part was evident last night when he went to bed. You had given him a lot of sass last night and Joel hated to admit that it was a huge turn on for him. You were strong, could keep up with him and you weren’t afraid to put him in his place. When he walked into his bedroom last night, he was hard as a rock at the fact that you had a sassy mouth.  It only took him a few minutes before he came hard around his fingers, wishing he was buried deep inside of you.  This no sex thing was getting to him, he needed you in more ways than one, and he didn’t think he’d be able to hold off for very much longer. 

“So what’s the reason Joel?” Ellie said, snapping Joel out of his train of thought.

“I just want to do this right” was all he said.

“How do you ‘do it right?’” Ellie asked genuinely, not understanding the complexity of relationships like this yet.

“What’s with all these questions, huh?  Look, her and I, what we- I know what I’m doing, ok? Don’t worry about this, it ain’t your concern.” he said, swinging the axe and chopping another piece of firewood.

Ellie loved teasing Joel, especially about you. You had asked her to go out and keep Joel occupied as you started baking something inside the house. You found an old recipe for Christmas cookies, specifically sugar cookies. You went through the pantry and saw the makings for the cookies and you wanted to do something nice for Joel, considering the tension between you two wasn’t the best at the moment. You didn't know what was the matter, you figured it had everything to do with him remembering his last Christmas with his daughter. That's why you wanted to make this Christmas perfect for him and Ellie too.

“So do you?” Ellie asked Joel as she continued to watch him. 

“What?” He said, breathing hard after he swung the axe yet again, chopping another piece of firewood.

“You heard me. Do. You. Love. Her?” she said, emphasizing each word so Joel could hear her. Ellie was genuinely interested in whether or not Joel actually did love you.

Joel, not wanting to talk about his feelings, started sifting through the log piles, pretending like he was trying to find something. Ellie could tell that he was nervous, not wanting to answer the question. She walked over to Joel and then said “Papa Bear, what's the matter?”

“I do. I do love her it's just that-”

“You're just scared to love that hard again, I get it.” Ellie said, smiling at him at his attempted admission. Every time she's ever tried to get Joel to talk about his feelings he's always blow up either at her or at you for asking. So this little attempted admission made Ellie feel good, knowing that he did in fact love you and that Joel felt comfortable enough to share.

“Yeah somethin’ like that. Now enough of making me talk, what are you gonna give y/n for Christmas?” Joel said, trying to change the subject.  

Ellie had talked Joel's ear off all afternoon. When he got tired she took a turn and chopped firewood for a little bit. You watched through the window at the two of them, seeing how he just fell into the typical dad role. At one moment you saw her jump on his back to try to get him on the ground. He was able to twist around and finally held her down, tickling her. You could see that he loved that sassy foul mouthed teenager as if it was his own Sarah.

You were finally finished baking the sugar cookies, as they were now cooling on the rack, when all of a sudden you heard Ellie yell “hey y/n, can you come out here for a second?”

When you didn't respond right away, as you were grabbing your boots and coat, you heard Joel yell with a booming voice “woman, get your ass out here now.”

You quickly ran outside saying “What? What's the matter?” When all of a sudden you were hit by a flying snowball. You looked around to see where it had come from when you got hit right in the face again with another one. When that happened, you yelled as it had stung and surprised you.

“Oh shit Joel, you hit her in the face” you heard Ellie say.

“Shh not so loud, you'll give away our position” he countered. 

When you looked around eventually you saw Joel and Ellie poke their head out of a little hiding spot. “You shits,” you had said, while forming a snowball yourself and then launching it at them. The next thing you knew, the three of you were having an honest to God snowball fight, like you were all 8 years old again. Quickly though it became girls against the boy, as Joel accidentally hit Ellie in the back of the head and she yelled “What the fuck Joel?”

His response was “well when ya got a big head, and are in the way, what do ya think will happen?” That caused you and Ellie to form a temporary alliance to get even with Joel.

As the three of you were forming strategic positions and developing an art to this snowball fight, you had an idea to really get Joel back. You went into the kitchen and filled a large pot with ice cold water. This will get him good, you thought. Then Ellie got him cornered and you approached him with the water.

“Woman, now put that down now. No use you gettin’ yourself hurt.” He said, trying to get away from you, but Ellie had him backed into a corner. When Joel saw that you weren't backing down he said “so help me God y/n, if ya do that I'll throw your naked ass in the snow later.”

“Hear that Ellie? I believe Joel just gave me a challenge. What do you think, kid?” You said, while approaching Joel. He was quickly glancing around to try to find an exit, when he couldn’t find one he thought intimidation might stop you. 

“Look here, that’s not a challenge little girl. It's a fucking promise. Ya do that I will throw your ass naked in the snow.” When you didn’t back down he quickly shouted, “woman, put it down now or else-” and that's when you did it.  You tossed the water at Joel and drenched the entire front of him.  He immediately yelled saying, “Jesus Christ, that's cold. Ya tryin' to freeze my balls off here or somethin’? What's gotten into you?” He then got grumpy and started walking inside, not wanting to look at anyone anymore. He looked like a wet pup, and boy did it make you and Ellie laugh. 

When Joel entered the cabin he stopped as he smelled a familiar old scent in the air. When you walked in behind him you put your hand on his back and said, “Merry Christmas Joel.” He turned around, and said, “did ya bake Christmas cookies?”

“Of course I did, honey. Sugar cookies only though. It was the only thing I could find the ingredients for.” You said, biting your lip nervously. Ingredients were hard to come by but you managed to find enough for a batch of cookies, and then some left over for bread. Sugar cookies were cooling on the wrack and bread was still baking in the oven. You knew they wouldn't have that fresh taste as you had no idea how old the ingredients were. You couldn't use chicken eggs or butter, so you substituted it for some water and other ingredients like stored coconut oil you found that was still ok. 

Joel stood there sniffing the air, a wide grin plastered onto his face. He may be a man in his 50s, but right now in this moment he looked like a young boy, excited to have baked Christmas goods. “Um, do ya think that maybe I could-” Joel said, shuffling over to where the cookies were cooling, dropping large pools of water everywhere with how wet he was. 

When you looked down you giggled to yourself at how his threat of throwing you into the snow naked hadn’t happened yet, something that you weren’t going to remind him of. “Hey, how ‘bout you go and get outta those wet clothes, then come over and have the first official taste test. Let me know how I did.” You said, nudging him gently towards the bedroom where some warm and dry clothes were.

Joel nodded and quickly shuffled off to change his clothes, leaving large drops of water all the way down the hall. “Is he gone?” Ellie asked, peeking her head around the door while still standing outside, not wanting to get attacked herself with water from Joel. 

“Yeah, he went to go and change quick,” you said, bending over and checking the bread. Seeing that the bread was done, golden brown but flat, you took it out of the oven and shut the oven off. You stood there glancing at it and then pinched the bridge of your nose, muttering to yourself, “well, it didn't rise right. That yeast must be too old.”

“Still smells amazing darlin', I'm not picky” you heard Joel say, standing close behind you. When you turned around to look at him, you saw a flash of something different.  It almost looked like happiness, something you don’t think you’d ever see Joel have. “Well Ellie, ya want your first taste of a Christmas cookie?” Joel asked, then motioned for Ellie to take one and bite into it first. “Well how does it taste?” He said, smiling at the way her eyes lit up, savoring the bite like it was the best thing that she’d ever tasted. 

After a moment she said “um- wow. That's really fucking good.”

“Language Ellie, Jesus Christ” Joel mumbled. “Damn kid needs to watch her mouth.”

You silently laughed because it was like watching a father and daughter interact once again. Soon Joel bit into the cookie himself, and then he moaned at the taste. “For something so old it sure tastes damn good” he mouthed, cookie still half in his mouth. 

“Yeah, I know you taste good,” you said softly so Ellie couldn't hear.

Joel started sputtering and coughing at the statement of you referencing how he tasted and his age. He grumbled to himself saying, “Dammit woman, you're gonna kill me one of these days. Jesus.”

Ellie was still going on about the taste of the cookie and how it compared to other things she's tried, that she didn’t catch the slight sexual innuendo interaction that you and Joel just had. According to her, the stale taste of the cookie ranked high on her list of her favorites.  The three of you enjoyed a total of two cookies each, agreeing that you should keep the rest for later, just in case Santa would come. Ellie, even though being older, was still holding out hope that a big fat guy in a red Santa suit was actually real.  What she didn’t realize was that she was going to see Santa sometime soon. 

A Day Later

Joel decided to go out hunting, to see if he could bring back a true Christmas feast for you and Ellie. Ellie decided to go with him, saying that she wanted to prove that she would do a better job at shooting something, telling Joel that he couldn’t see.  The same argument that started a few days ago about a book continued as they walked off into the woods together. They were gone a long time and when they returned, it was almost dark out. When they returned Ellie came running inside saying that she shot a deer. You congratulated her, saying that you were proud of her for being an expert marksman. When you went out to help Joel dress the deer, you found him laughing silently to himself.

“What's so funny?” You asked as you slowly approached him.

“That kid over there.” He said, kneeling down and craving into the deer while motioning with his head in the direction that Ellie went. You looked down at him and gestured for him to continue with your hands. “She- uh, she never hit the deer. That one couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, so I had to kill it. But I-I made it look like she did it.” He said laughing and shaking his head.

Joel then told you that when Ellie pulled back the bow and shot at the deer, that she missed.  She had immediately shut her eyes, not seeing if she hit the deer but asked Joel if she did. Joel, having already had his bow drawn, saw that she hit a tree stump only 3 feet away. When he realized that she missed he released his arrow and killed the deer, you three did need to eat after all. However, after he killed the deer, he had decided to tell Ellie that she did it, knowing that it'd make her day. “So ya see, I couldn’t not help the little shit” Joel said laughing out loud. “She made this big fuss about it ahead of time, and I couldn't just break her heart in telling her that all she managed to truly kill was the tree.” 

“Aw you're so sweet, you know that” you said, smiling at Joel looking out for Ellie.

“Yeah, I've been told that a few times I reckon” he said while standing up and looking at you with dark hungry eyes. “I’ve been also called old and an asshole too many times too,” he stated with a smirk, then bending down again to continue to slice into the deer.

You didn't know how to respond to his teasing, so you just stood there silent. After a moment you turned to head back into the house when you heard Joel say, “Te amo, baby.” You still didn't know what he was saying in Spanish, if Ellie was true with her statement, it meant that he loved you. So before you entered the house you gently replied back, “Te amo Joel and Merry Christmas.”

When Joel was finished dressing the deer he cooked the venison. As soon as you bit into the cooked venison you let out a low moan in pleasure. The explosion of flavors with fresh meat felt amazing to your taste buds. Joel hummed in contentment and blushed a rosey red in his cheeks at your outward display of gratitude. You told him that it tasted amazing and that he was the best cook ever, even Ellie agreed with you. 

After the food was consumed, and the table was cleared, the three of you sat around the fire. You and Joel taught Ellie Christmas songs and you three all enjoyed feeling like a family for once. When time came to open up the presents, you could see that Ellie was just like a toddler. She was jumping for joy at seeing things under the tree for her that was wrapped up in old rags as wrapping paper with her name on them.  As she opened her presents, she was excited at what she saw.

Joel gave Ellie a warmer winter jacket, one that he found at the other abandoned cabin that was located about five miles West from where the three of you were.  He found the cabin about a month ago, abandoned just like this one was. He had been bringing over more supplies from there periodically. The jacket that he found was too small for you or him, but it fit Ellie perfectly. When she tried it on she was beaming at how comfortable it felt, and how warm it was. 

You had given Ellie a handmade necklace, made out of different rhinestones that you had found in a storage craft box in the cellar. Crafts were something that you always loved to do when you were younger, and something you’d do in the QZ if you could find them. Joel and you also gave Ellie three joke books that you both found. As soon as she saw them she started crying, saying that it was the most perfect Christmas she’s ever had, and yet the biggest surprise wasn't even there yet. 

Joel and Ellie both gave you a Wilderness Cookbook, something that he found in the other cabin also.  He explained to you that the cookbook had recipes of how to cook rabbit, venison, and other things in the wilderness. You were grateful and thanked them both. Joel then whispered quietly in your ear, “I got something private, just for the two of us to indulge in later.” He said, gently squeezing your knee when you looked up at him with hopeful eyes, questioning him silently for what he had planned.  You then saw Joel slowly open his mouth, sticking just the tip of his tongue out, as he moved the tip of his tongue back and forth fast.  Using the same motions that he did when he’d eat you out. You blushed a dark crimson shade of red and quickly adjusted in your seat. Your panties suddenly felt too tight on you as you pushed your thighs together for some relief at the throb you felt in your core. “Later” he whispered again to you, while giving you another gentle squeeze to your knee and a chaste kiss to your cheek. 

Joel then opened a few Western books from Ellie, ones that you had given her.  You had just finished reading them recently and you knew that Joel wanted to read the books.  So you gave them to Ellie and told her that you had found them at the other cabin and thought that maybe Joel would like to read them. Joel thanked Ellie and acted all surprised at seeing the books. Neither one of you told her that Joel had already asked to borrow them from you whenever you were finished reading them.

Joel then also opened a small homemade bracelet from you that you had made him.  The bracelet had a butterfly pendant attached to it. When he saw it, Joel froze and just looked up at you. “Tess told me that Sarah used to love butterfly’s.” You told him as he gently ran his finger over the pendant. “Joel, if I could give you Sarah I would but-”

“No, it's alright. It's beautiful.” he said, sniffling slightly at the sight. Sarah, his babygirl, God he missed her. After a moment he quickly shook his head and then stood up, remembering that he still had two other gifts to give.  Joel quickly said, “um, excuse me for a moment. I ah- I need to grab something” and then he disappeared by walking outside. Ellie was so focused on her joke books that she never saw Joel leave. All of a sudden you heard a knock at the door, followed by a “Ho, Ho, Ho” behind it. Ellie immediately tensed and you casually went over to the door, holding a gun for good measure, nevermind you knew who was behind the door.  When you opened the door you saw Joel dressed head to toe in a Santa suit. 

“Howdy there little lady- Jesus Christ woman, ya gonna shoot me or somethin’?” he said, shaking his head, looking at the gun you had pointed at him. “I heard y’all been having a hard time here so I thought I’d bring ya some Christmas cheer.”

Ellie immediately started laughing as Joel struggled with the Santa suit. “Joel, you look funny in a fat suit,” she said, laughing out loud at a pillow peeking through his Santa jacket. 

“I haven't heard of no Joel before, I'm Santa.” He said, with a husky voice.

“So what happened to Joel? Did ya kill him when you landed your fat ass on top of him with your sleigh? Crushed him didn't you? It's ok, he probably deserved it. Killed by an old worn out fat guy with no fashion sense. Better than a clicker really, ya know.” Ellie said, laughing.

“Ok, look here wiseass, I ain't no old fat guy.” Joel said, grumbling to himself in his regular voice.

“Well you look ridiculous dressed like that.” Ellie said, doubling over and laughing hard again. You were rolling on the floor with a pillow over your mouth laughing at Joel and Ellie bantering again. You didn't know why, but seeing these two go at each other warmed your heart in a way that you never knew.

When Joel looked over at you he said “You stop your laughin’ over there” as he pulled the pillow out from his stomach and sat down with a huff on the couch. “Got no respect from the younger generation anymore. Ya hear me, no respect. Here I am tryin’ to make your Christmas special and all ya do is laugh at me and-”

“Joel it's ok” Ellie said, interrupting Joel’s little rant.  “We love you anyways Joel, ain’t that right y/n?” Ellie continued, trying to look serious but failing miserably at it.

“Honey, you look amazing and-”

“Both of you just shut it, I know when I'm not loved.” He said, shaking his head and mumbling. “Shouldn't have to give ya both these now, but here ya go.” Joel handed you a small box. “Here ya go wiseass, so you don't feel left out either.” He said, shoving a box in Ellie's hands.

Ellie and you both quieted down and then looked at the little boxes in your hands with a piece of paper folded up over top of them. “Ellie why don't you go first,” you said, wanting her to enjoy the gift.

When Ellie opened the box she found a small seashell bracelet with black thick string with it and the piece of paper was a note that read the following:

My dearest Ellie,

I know I ain't your father, but over the past year you've grown so much on me kid. Ya got that sassy, smartass mouth on ya, and ya got a horrible attitude to boot. But you're strong kid, so strong. And you remind me of what my daughter Sarah was like, but so much more. I know your favorite thing is the Sea and one day I promise I’ll take ya there, and build those sandcastles with you, as tall as me. I love ya kid, like you were my own little baby girl. I wear a copy of your bracelet as a symbol of my love for ya honey. 

Forever, my love for you child, Joel (or Dad if ya want)

After Ellie was done reading the note out loud, you found that you both were crying. Ellie immediately ran over to Joel, hugged him tight, crying into his shoulder saying, “you better fucking mean it. Swear to God you mean this Joel, and don't lie to me.”

“Baby girl, I swear to God everything in that note is true. I love ya like you’re my own honey, like you’re my true daughter cause ya are.” Joel then held Ellie, kissing the top of her head as she cried into his shoulder, this time her tears were tears of joy.  Ellie got her Christmas wish after all, a family, something that she has never had ever in her life.  

After a moment of them holding each other, they pulled apart and both looked at you. It was now your turn to read the note and to open the gift from Joel. You hands were shaking and you were panicking. You wanted more than anything for someone to love you, a man, with no strings attached.  You were scared of what you were going to read in the note.  But with a shaky breath, you opened your note and read it out loud.

Y/n,

The first time I laid eyes on you it was in the QZ and I thought that I had finally died and had gone to Heaven. My heart stopped in my chest darlin’, and I became nervous, still am when I look at ya. I remember thinkin’ that you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, and baby, you still are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. 

The first time I kissed you, I was a goner. Forever to be the only woman that I’d ever want in life again. I used to be so angry, not because I didn’t want ya, but because I thought that I couldn't do any of this right. I couldn't date you properly, marry you, or even have babies with you the way that I’ve wanted to. And baby, I was so angry, I was angry because you deserve all of that from the world, and so much more. But then I realized somethin’, you and Ellie were sent from Heaven above, from my Sarah to help me now. For me to love and be loved once again.

I prayed honey, I prayed so hard for so many years, wanting to see my little girl again that was taken from me. And I don't know how or why, but somehow she sent me you two. And God, if I don't now have something worth fightin’ for. You and Ellie make this life bearable, make me want to live again. And truthfully, I'd be lost without ya both.

Now I know I ain't always good with my words, or tellin’ ya how I feel. But Angel, you mean everything t’me. Now open your gift honey, and let me tell you with the words myself.

You turned to Joel with tears in your eyes and trembling fingers while he gently coaxed you to open your gift.  “Go on darlin', open it.” he said, ever so gently. When you opened your gift you gasped out loud. Inside the box was a ring, a birthstone ring for June, your birth month. You looked shocked at Joel when you saw it. He motioned for you to give him the ring. 

With the ring in his hand he then reached out and held your hands, looking you in the eyes saying, “you mean everything t’me y/n and so much more. If you'll have me, I want you to wear this on a specific finger baby.”

Joel slowly took your left ring finger in his hand while holding the ring in his right hand. “I found this in a jewelry box in that other cabin and I thought Sarah must be telling me somethin’. I know it's not the proper one, but hell, nothin' is proper anymore. I promise if we ever get back to civilization again, I'll do this right. I swear it baby. Please be mine. Forever.”

You looked at the ring that Joel was holding, confusion washing over your face for a moment, not understanding what he was meaning. Joel looked over to Ellie and she smiled, understanding what was happening and gently said to Joel “dad, it’s time to tell mom what you told me in secret before.”

Joel nodded and took a breath to steady his nerves as he looked into your eyes.  When he stared into your eyes he saw your hesitation. Not because you didn't want what he felt, but because you did and you were so scared that he didn't feel the same way. So with renewed confidence he said “I promise I'll do this right later if we can. But y/n-” and then he felt it, the pain searing tight in his chest at the thought of losing this, of losing you. It gripped him so hard, and tried to swallow him whole at the thought that he couldn't keep you safe. He was scared, and frightened at the thought of losing you or Ellie like he did Sarah. But this time as the pain consumed him, his thoughts drifted to Sarah. Sarah knew that her father loved her with everything, even as he held her when she died. 

Joel remembered the night that Sarah was conceived. The way he and Sarah's mom desperately moved in unison together, trying to grab onto something for stability in a world that they felt was falling apart. He never connected with Sarah's mom again after that, it was only on that one night when she was created. It was like the world, the universe, told him that he needed to be a father at a younger age. He felt like that was the reason why his first marriage with Sarah’s mom failed. That they never were truly in love, except for where Sarah was concerned. But now things were different, especially with you. Joel was in love with you in a way that he's never been with a woman before. So with a smile and a chuckle he shook his head, finally finding the strength that he needed, to be able to say the next part out loud.

“Woman, you drive me nuts and make me feel things I, at my age, didn't think I deserved to feel anymore. I used to think you were sent here to torture me, make me pay for all of my sins. But then I saw what it was. That Sarah sent you to me because she had heard my darkest fears, my biggest dreams, and my silent pleas in the night. That I didn’t want to be lonely, that I wanted a family once again.  And that I wanted a woman to love me so bad that it hurt, and not because I forced her, but because she wanted to. And baby, I got you and now you got me. Sarah sent me you and Ellie so I could be happy and not be so lonely anymore.”

With a shaky breath Joel continued, opening his heart even wider for you to see. “I've made mistakes darlin’, said and done the wrong thing most of the time. Hell, I’ve yelled at you and sometimes have treated you horrible, for that I’m sorry. But I'm scared. I'm scared to lose both you and Ellie. I love that kid over there like I was the one who created her, like she was my own daughter. And I view you as if you were her mother and my-” Joel shook his head, feeling the burn in the back of his throat hit as he struggled to say that he viewed you as his wife. 

“Te Amo Joel. I love you” you said, softly towards Joel while holding his hand. Now that you said it, you hoped that he'd say it back. You just wanted him to say it to you in English, to tell you that he in fact did love you, and not just hint at it anymore. You wanted to hear those three words from him. But you never expected him to say what he was about to with you.

After a moment of looking at you he smiled, while looking down at your hands.  He gently squeezed them to remind himself that you were still here.  Then he looked up into your eyes and said, “Ah hell woman, marry me please? I know it's not conventional, but this ring I got you, it goes on your left ring finger baby and I-. Shit. I-I want you in this life and the next, ok. I promise I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. Te amo baby, it means I love you. I love ya woman, so damn much. And I know I don't deserve it but I'm askin’ anyways. Marry me honey, please, make me the happiest man and I promise I’ll-”

It was in that moment that you crashed your lips hard to Joel’s mouth. You wanted to shut up his rambling but also show him that you were so happy.  That was what the feeling was in your chest right now, happiness, something that you didn’t think you could ever feel or again. As you kissed Joel, a million thoughts were running through your head. You never thought he'd say any of this to you ever. But when you looked inside yourself you knew you loved this man more than anything. Yeah sure, he was cold, moody, and a complete ass sometimes. He hasn’t always done or said the right thing, but he has been there and protected you when other people should have but didn’t, or when others had walked away. To you, that meant more than anything, that he’d stay and was truly committed to you.

When you pulled away from the quick kiss you said out loud “yes. Yes Joel. Te amo baby, te amo. I'll marry you.” And with that admission Joel crashed his lips hard onto your mouth. There was nothing gentle about this kiss that he gave you, it was like the flood gates finally opened and Joel gave you his entire heart and soul right here and now. The kiss said everything that the two of you haven't been able to say to each other. That you both needed each other and that you both were there for each other. 

When you gently parted your mouth for a breath, Joel licked into it in a way that a husband claimed his wife. It was heady and needy. Both of you kissed each other fervently, finally allowing the dam to break between you two. You both were lost in the moment, feeling the passion rise up between you that you had forgotten that Ellie was still in the room.  All of a sudden you heard a heavy sigh followed by a smartass teenage girl. 

“Look here assholes, I ain't wantin’ to watch you two fuck, so can you both tone it down for the kid in the room, please. Joel, you promised me we could have more Christmas cookies and then tell more stories. Come on.” Ellie said, exhaling loudly.

Joel pulled away and snapped saying “Ellie, language.” He fully pulled apart from you, placing the ring on your left ring finger, then gave you a chaste kiss on the mouth while whispering, “we'll continue this discussion later baby.” You gently nodded in return.

The three of you then sat around the fire telling funny stories to Ellie about Christmas. Joel told the classic tale of ‘A Christmas Story’ for the first time to Ellie, something that he still remembered by heart as it was Sarah’s favorite Christmas story. Both Ellie and you eventually fell asleep on the floor, heads touching at the top and holding hands as a family as you both looked up at Joel, listening to him tell the story.

Even after knowing you two fell asleep, Joel continued reciting the story until it was done. When he was finished he grabbed blankets from the bedroom and tucked both you and Ellie in. Smiling to himself he laid down on the couch, content at having a family once again. Joel was relieved that his family, even though unconventional, loved him fully in return. As sleep slowly crept up, he found himself turning to one side and staring at the low light of the Christmas tree. This time, it was as if he could see her again yet again, his Sarah, just sitting down and smiling at him. His heart felt full today, something that hadn’t happened since the last Christmas he had with his daughter, about 20 years ago. As Joel slowly drifted off to sleep he swore he heard Sarah say to him ‘Merry Christmas Dad, here's my Christmas wish for you. For you to have a family once again. And always remember, that I love you.’

-End Chapter-

A/N: This one was a heck of a roller coaster to write on so many emotional levels. These three will be back in the future, got some fun things planned for them. Enjoy, and be sure to check out my other series and one shots in my Master list.

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow @staywildflowahchild @ratoonstown @l3laze @its-always-420-on-the-moon @kirsteng42

[cripple-culture-is]

Sorry, but if you do not use a mobility aid, then you aren't physically disabled 🤷‍♀️ Only those with mobility aids can call themselves a cripple. I saw your main blog and that you are "physically disabled without mobility aids". That's not even possible. You can't be physically disabled and not require mobility aids.

And the fact that you believe you have the right to use the word cripple rubs me the wrong way. You have to look disabled in order to use that slur. Otherwise it's incredibly disrespectful.

If you can walk, you are not crippled. Crippled means to "cause (someone) to become unable to walk or move normally." If you can walk, you can move normally.

My first full on hate comment lol 🤣 I'm really moving up in the world.

But on a serious note, yes, you can be physically disabled and not require mobility aids. Physical disability isn't always stagnant. It isn't always as simple as someone who is paralyzed being a full time wheelchair user.

Since you used definitions, I'll use definitions. Physical disability is defined as "a limitation on a person's physical functioning, mobility, dexterity or stamina." Also, "any physical limitations or disabilities that inhibit the physical function of one or more limbs of a certain person."

I am physically disabled. I pretty much always have been. I have a mobility disability. I was diagnosed with juvenile idiopathic arthritis at 9 months old, an autoimmune disease. I did show symptoms at 4 months old at the latest though. Arthritis is actually the leading cause of disability and the most common disabling condition for U.S. adults.

I do not currently use mobility aids, no, but I am looking into getting a rollator for college. So I suppose that when I do get that aid, I will finally, in your eyes at least, be considered physically disabled.

However, I have reached a point in my life where I don't really care what people say about my disability. Whether you believe I'm physically disabled or not doesn't change the fact that I am physically disabled under U.S. law 🤣🤣

I got my permanent disability plates and placard when I was about 5 years old, though I probably could've gotten it before then.

I have always said that I have never used mobility aids. And while that's technically true, it's also not. I've never used traditional mobility aids regularly. I used a wheelchair in public once as a child, and I hated the pity looks adults would give me as I used to be more self-conscious.

However, I HAVE used untraditional mobility aids. While most people wouldn't consider them as such, I have used aids that have helped my mobility, mostly as a child, they just aren't stereotypical disability aids.

I was offered a wheelchair as a child, but due to the pity looks I got from adults, I turned it down. My parents worked around that hangup of mine by using things that I was confident enough to use for mobility as well as more acceptable to me.

My parents had bought this long stroller. When I got older, the typical strollers caused problems, in that I couldn't rest my legs on anything. So I had this stroller that had a leg rest that I could use to stretch my legs as keeping them bent for long periods of time physically hurts me.

I also sat in the baskets of shopping carts until I was in my mid-teens. My mother or father would put the cart with me in it and I'd sit in it as if I was merchandise just like everything else in the basket. This was all because I couldn't walk.

Though, what would happen when a stroller or shopping cart wasn't available? I would get a piggyback ride, mostly from my sister, though from my father as well. My mom did it only occasionally as she has joint issues just like I do.

Then, when I was a bit older, my parents bought me a red wagon. We would take it to amusement parks and carry some things in it. We'd use it for food and other stuff. But it's real purpose was to be there in case I got to a point where I couldn't walk anymore.

I have arthritis in every single joint in my body. From my jaw and neck, all the way to my toes. Hips, ribs, spine, you name it, I got it.

As for the use of the word 'cripple' it DOES apply to me. Cripple refers to anyone with a physical disability. And due to my disability, I do have lower body involvement. Hips, knees, ankles, toes, etc. All of it.

As for being able to "move normally", I actually don't completely. I appear like I do, but if you look at the structure of my legs and the way I walk, I do move differently than a lot of people. I find that I tend to limp often, even when I'm not in pain. And I am curious as to if that's because I got so used to limping as a child due to pain that my walking pattern just adopted that, leading me to limp when I'm not in pain. I also sometimes walk as if I'm waddling.

Plus, if you notice, my right knee is actually slightly turned in, which means that somehow, it's out of alignment. Knees are supposed to point forward. My dad's point forward, my sister's point forward, my mom's mostly point forward. Both of mine do not, even though both of my ankles are straight. My left one is pretty straight, straight enough for me to not really notice it. But my right is a separate story.

Because my right knee is pointed slightly inward, I tend to walk with my right foot slightly turned out.

I'm not sure if the alignment is a knee issue, a hip issue, or potentially an ankle issue. This wasn't an issue that was ever pointed out by my doctors as a child, cause my knees have been like this for a while. I did have a lot of knee inflammation as a kid.

But back fully on topic, cripple punk isn't contingent on the use of mobility aids. Plus the assumption that I have to "look disabled" in order to be physically disabled is very ableist and leads to those like me getting harassed when we use our handicapped parking permits. I'm invisibly physically disabled, I have always recognized that. But me having an invisible disability doesn't change the fact that I am physically disabled. And come this time next year, I will probably "look disabled". Not that I believe disability has a look. It doesn't. Believing disability has a look is ableist and perpetuates harmful stereotypes. I AM physically disabled. I AM crippled, mobility aid or no mobility aid.

You don't know my history, you don't know me. You don't know my day to day life.

In order for you to believe me, you'd likely have to see my diagnosis papers and the proof of my disability. But you are not entitled to that information. I don't have to show it to you, and I'm not going to.

[seraphiism]

❀ ﾟ. ༄ ┊ 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐔𝐒 𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ! ( 𝐩𝐭. 𝐢𝐯 ) ;

characters : cyno / alhaitham / kaveh a/n : hiii welcome back campus encounters where everyone is a clown pt. i / ii / iii

↬ cyno ࿐ ࿔

you don't know what to expect in law school. you really don't. you expect high stakes, tension in the air. you expect competition, harsh professors who purposely try to weed out the "weak" and make the class excruciatingly difficult. you're not entirely wrong, you suppose, but the last thing you would imagine is-- well, cyno.

your first impression is entirely wrong. however, you have also known him for-- you glance at the clock-- two minutes.

a sharp gaze, head held high. he radiates an intimidating aura, holds himself to something more grand. you don't have intentions to make small talk; you're too tired for an 8:30am class, anyway, and you hate to admit that he almost frightens you. the professor runs out for a moment. brief technical issue-- something like that. you're already zoning out.

in that small frame of time, the lecture hall comes to life, fills with a thousand conversations at once. you ignore them all, absentmindedly skimming the syllabus. you fail to see cyno's eyes trained on you. intent. focused.

"i guess there's been a...law-l in this class."

you freeze. something in your fight or flight instinct activates. the voice came from your right. cyno is also on your right. surely that wasn't him, right?

right?

you swallow hard, slowly turn your head to look at him.

god. you hope that wasn't him. 8:32 am and you are subjected to inhumane crimes in your introduction to law class. red eyes bore into your soul. his face is blank. you don't know what to make of this.

"you know. like lull. law-l."

it doesn't work that way, you think, and the exasperation almost meets your visage, but you keep it at bay. can't hurt this stranger's feelings, after all. there's something akin to hope in those crimson hues, barely on the surface, but ever so present.

you purse your lips, unable to figure out this delicate situation. you could change this man's life forever. what if you make this future lawyer feel like a clown? what if he dropped out? you are not being dramatic, by the way.

you purse your lips, tight, utterly amused and defeated by the ridiculous predicament. you stare at each other, dead silent.

you laugh. you don't know why, but you do, and maybe it's because of the way he comes off so serious, maybe it's the way you can practically see the hope that his pun will get a reaction.

you may also be delirious. maybe.

"oh, you are hilarious."

cyno smiles. somewhere, he feels tighnari's soul shrivel in the depths of despair.

"no, i'm cyno."

↬ alhaitham ࿐ ࿔

"oh my god." you do not know how many times you have said this in the past ten seconds. twice? three times? a hundred? ( that wouldn't be logically possible, alhaitham says, so you say it again ). "i'm dying. it's coming. i feel it in my bones."

"what is?"

"death."

alhaitham stares at you, deadpan.

"you are being dramatic."

"i'm sorry. i will do it again."

you don't mind literature analysis, not really. it's fascinating-- the way you piece concepts together, discover hidden meaning in seemingly superficial words. it's much easier when you enjoy said literature itself, but when you don't? you may as well throw yourself into the void. suddenly you cannot read.

metaphor to metaphor, symbolism in the strangest of things ( okay, so the kitchen cupboards were pastel yellow and not white in this house, so what? ), you grow frustrated as a nearing deadline approaches, brain absolutely fried from finals. you have ten pages to write. you have two done ( those two are the title page and reference page. so no, they do not count ).

you're not sure how it came to this-- 4am and you're huddled up with alhaitham in the corner of the library, your forehead against the desk, your fellow classmate casually drinking his fifth coffee as if caffeine has no impact on him. he's much better at writing papers than you are, and in all his glory, decided to help you. kind of.

it's been about two hours since you've been working together, and while you appreciate the help, the lack of sleep is finally getting to you. you're burned out, tired, and truthfully, you know this is worth 30% of your grade, but you're about to calculate what your grade would drop to if you simply did not turn it in.

you close your eyes. wooden desk or not, red imprint on your forehead or not, you're about to pass out, right here and right now, except--

the feeling of his hand against your back, gentle. he leans forward, just the slightest bit, speaks in that quiet yet firm tone.

"if you finish this, i'll ask you out on a date."

you sit up at an alarmingly fast rate, throw alhaitham the most horrified look you can fathom. his expression doesn't change much, but you see that slight curl of the lips.

"disgusting. i can't believe you would pull such things on me."

"because it'll work."

you roll your eyes, pinch his cheek before redirecting your attention to the laptop before you.

what an arrogant fool. absolute annoyance. menace. idiot. you hate him, truly.

"i didn't say it wouldn't work."

( fine. it works. funny how you're suddenly awake and how everything suddenly seems to make sense after he proposes that offer. )

↬ kaveh ࿐ ࿔

there are three things you first notice about kaveh.

one. he is pretty. very pretty.

two. oh my god. look at his back. hello.

three. he's sleeping in the library. he's also drooling on his ... sketches?

four. wait. too many things to notice. whatever. maybe you should wake him?

you consider the thought, unsure. you'd hate to be woken by a stranger in the campus library-- it'd be off-putting, you think. you glance at the sketches, take in the sights of the blueprints. intricate designs. gorgeous, really, even if you don't have the slightest clue about anything related to said field.

you'd hate to work so hard on such a thing and have it ruined by...well, drool. you place your hand on his shoulder, touch light and hesitant, and shake him gently. once. twice. five times?

he's not waking. surely you're not going to shake the life out of this stranger, right? it's about another ten seconds before you almost give up, letting out a long sigh of defeat before leaning down the slightest bit.

you're gonna speak to him, speak in very soft tones-- slowly ease him from slumber. he's gonna wake up, you'll back away, smile in hopes of establishing your friendly intentions, and that'll be it. done. boom.

that's the plan, anyway, but when your face gets a little closer to his, his eyes open suddenly. two seconds of eye contact. shock twists into utmost fear.

kaveh screams, shoots right out of his seat. you also scream. your life flashes before your eyes when you see him instinctively grab his suitcase.

"before you get the wrong idea-- you were drooling all over your sketches, so--"

you don't think this really helps. he's blushing furiously, from embarrassment or anger, you don't know, but now he's glancing at his sketches, mostly unharmed, and oh, the panic sets in so much more. you watch, baffled, as kaveh throws caution to the wind, frantically cleans the desk and recovers what he can.

it's about five minutes of this. you keep silent, watch in awe and more-so of shock at how this all played out until he turns towards you. he takes a deep breath. you can tell he's tired, weariness on his features. you almost feel bad.

"did you manage to salvage it?"

there's a flicker of curiosity at your words, though the fatigue almost swallows it entirely.

"it'll be okay, i think." his shoulders drop. he smiles, slightly forced. "thank you for waking me-- uh, even if it happened that way."

you'd normally say sorry ( as much as you can say it in this situation, anyway ) and go your separate ways, but there's something almost bittersweet about him that brings a heaviness to the heart.

"sorry. i really didn't mean to scare you like that." you swallow your courage, offer a hopeful smile. "do you want to go get coffee? i'll buy. consider it another apology."

and there is something-- a shift, a lightening, an ease, and kaveh's expression seems to relax at your offer.

( yes, you do go out for coffee. it's one of many future caffeine runs, you both call it, and it's the beginning of a chaotic friendship of sorts. )

taglist : @oshitgirlie ╰ ♡ ;; taglist form !!

[4st4rion]

less than kind of certain

ao3 link

you know that post abt would you still love me if i was a worm? thats tavstarion but would you still love me if i was an illithid. thats literally the fic.

about 500 words, rated teen-ish. spoilers for the end of the game but not too bad because my game had actually crashed between the last fight and the epilogue when i wrote this. fully gender neutral tav, second person pov

"What would have happened if I took the Emperor's advice?" you ask.

It's a sudden question, you know. It seems to come from nowhere, the two of you laying on your backs and watching the stars, but it's been bothering you since the Emperor suggested you become an illithid to wield the Netherstones.

"Tentacles, I assume," Astarion hums with amusement. "We'd need to replace your whole wardrobe, too," he adds. "Get everything tailored."

He's smiling up at the stars and he turns that beam to you, but it falls away when you're not smiling back.

"You're serious," he realizes quietly.

You nod in the grass.

He squeezes your hand between you, fingers threaded together sweetly.

"Well," he sighs. "Hand-holding would be a little awkward," he thinks out loud. "And so would kissing."

You frown.

When the Emperor gave you the option to change, you had, for just a moment, considered it. You know the advantages they have, mental and physical, and you'd been tempted by the idea of becoming even more deadly to the brain that threatened you all.

But the disadvantages had talked you out of it — eating brains, the physical change, the dulling of emotions... It just seemed... It seemed like a kind of death, to you. You weren't ready for that.

But you had considered it.

"Love?" Astarion asks, turning onto his side to face you properly. You're taking too long to respond. "What's wrong?"

You turn your gaze back to the stars.

"I don't know," you admit. "I just thought... What if I had changed?"

You shrug against the grass.

"What would happen to us?" you ask, more rhetorically than anything now. "Would we have stayed together after, if I'd had to do it?"

Astarion is silent for a minute beside you.

You're not sure why you're so worried about it, yourself, but you just... Are. What if that had been the only way to defeat the brain? What if the change had been triggered by being so close to it?

The possibility has come and gone, but you wonder.

"Darling," Astarion says, softly, to get your attention. "I didn't know if we were going to stay together once the tadpole was gone," he admits. "Considering I'm, you know, forsaken to never see the sun again," he says with a sad smile.

You turn to look at him and frown.

"That's different," you protest. "You can't help that. It's just part of who you are."

"And if you'd had to become an illithid, for whatever reason, then that would be part of who you are."

You still frown. You see his point, technically, but...

"It's different," you repeat.

"Mm?" he hums. "Being a monster who has to slink through the shadows to survive?"

You open your mouth to rebut that at least you can go into the city together at night with him as he is, but he's kissing you and the words don't seem worth killing the moment.

Maybe it would have been fine. Maybe it wouldn't have.

You push the worry from your mind and let yourself be lost in him.

[guppybibi]

SCREAMINF i loved that akito fic …… umm …,,.. can i req another

recently i’ve been learning iz*one’s secret story of the swan and ngl im kind of becoming a danceaholic so… this is basically just a self indulgent request

can you do toya + a gf who overdances like too much? like, legs are shaking, stomach hurting from holding her core, one knee red and bruised from redoing the choreography 45 times .. (not projecting at all)

and basically just him taking care of you if that’s ok!! ty and uhhh swan swan swan

oh and also also if ur taking anons can i be ☀️ anon? if not just ignore that ,,,,, take ur time ily 🫶🏻

𖦹 pairing: Toya Aoyagi x fem!reader

𖦹 content: Toya being the biggest sweetheart, mostly fluff with some hints of Toya’s past !!

𖦹 notes: haii thank chu ☀️anon! I didn't really focus on the dancing part (since I have no idea how it works..i can't dance.) and mostly just focused on toya taking care of u so i hope that's fine!

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*⋆*･ﾟ⋆*･ﾟ

Toya can be described with a fair lot of words, and ‘supportive’ is no doubt one of them. So in no world would he try to stop you from taking these dance lessons, I mean–you supported his passion in street music through and through so why wouldn't he do so as well? Well it didn't start so serious, for the first few weeks you would simply just search up some dance tutorials on YouTube and follow each step with the perfect amount of grace needed. He found it eyecatching if he was going to be honest, the fact that you're pursuing something you want to actually pursue in the first place makes his heart swell. When you told him you signed up for a dance class he was beaming, he didn't give it a second thought at all, even if he did it was entirely up to you.

He wasn't going to stop you, no–not now, not ever. A good relationship allows both people to grow in all aspects possible, not bring them down or keep them there at the bottom. But when you came back from one of these lessons with a bunch of bruises and an aching leg, this was enough to ring an alarm in his mind. “Did you trip over?” He knows this was an obviously stupid question, no normal person would simply just trip and get this hurt. Unless you were accident prone or something, so he shouldn't jump into conclusions.

“Mmh, you could say that.” What a strangely vague answer, was it something embarrassing? Did you fall over while stretching or something? He sighs, not bothering to push you into saying it any further, though he knew deep down it was probably because of all the dancing you've been doing. He’s going to scold you later, what matters now is the fact you're hurt and he needed to help. “Lay down, please.” He requests before going over to the kitchen, the amount of trust he has that you’ll actually do what he says is worth congratulating. Technically you could've just not followed him but his trust isn't worth shattering, so you do as said.

A few minutes later he comes back with an ice pack and a cup of ginger tea, the corners of his lips twitching up into a small smile as he sees you sitting prettily on the couch. He sits right next to you, propping a pillow under your legs for elevation. “I’m not sick y’know, I'm perfectly fine.” You receive the sound of him clicking his tongue, shaking his head as he grabs the ice pack, placing them on your numerous bruises.

“It's nothing too serious–” He cuts you off, mentally hoping that you didn't feel offended with how blunt he is or the deadpanned expression on his face.

“Yet, not yet. It's better to take care of it now before letting it get worse. You can keep going to these classes but promise to at least rest when you get home?” He asks, wishing for some kind of agreement with you. He knew how painful overworking yourself was, he knew too well. The only difference here is that this was something you were actually passionate about, so it must've been your willpower to continue. “Fine, I promise..if you watch the choreography we did earlier!” Making him chuckle and shake his head side to side in defeat, he couldn't say no to you!

“Aren't you tired from repeating the same moves?” “Nope, I could keep doing them if my body let me!” How hard headed..if he wasn't here you would've probably danced until your legs fell off. “Sure, show me and then you rest, ‘kay?” You nod and stand up enthusiastically, preparing the music on your phone before you start the routine.

Your moves were graceful, almost like the gorgeous yet dangerous waves of the ocean. Though he did silently cringe at all the marks on your legs, at least you were happy. That's all that mattered to him. He was captivated by you, he doesn't even notice how you stop moving and the music stops playing. “Did I do well, hun?” You asked, trying your hardest to keep your feet on the floor and not start jumping. The tip of his ears turn red, not so used to the loving pet name. “Mhm, you did wonderful, love. Now, get to rest. I'll mix something up for dinner–” “WAIT–No! I’ll cook, please let me cook–” He shoots you a confused look, making you smile sheepishly.

“I can assure you I can cook something simple for you.” “Without burning down the house or giving me food poisoning?” “What…?” “Uhh haha, nothing! Um..I’ll lay back down..” You gulp, instantly praying for your already aching stomach.

He may not be the best at showering you with comforting words, but the way he treats you like a shard of delicate glass and all of his other little actions was enough to prove how much he adored you.

[paragonrobits]

i've seen some joking takes on the possibility of Hunter the Parenting being some kind of stealth prequel to Warhammer 40k and at the risk of sounding a bit like a killjoy (but I'm an old WoD fan, its sort of expected probably), I have to say that if you're actually serious about that, I have to say that if you go to the mental brain-break of trying to combine the respective and almost completely incompatible metaphysics/cosmology of all the different WoD gameline, the circumstances of Warhammer 40k happening within WoD is categorically impossible

a few reasons why:

What to know the weirdest thing? The absolute weirdest bit of WoD lore? Okay, get ready for it; space, as we know it, does not technically have an objective reality within the context of WoD. The planets are generally depicted as being spirit realms in their own right. Alien life does not exist, except as weird spirits probably born from ideas until they achieve a retroactive existence. This is related to the fact that science is not an objective facet of reality, but a specific magical paradigm enforced by the Technocracy, the assumed default antagonists of the Mage line, and that includes planets, which technically only exist in a scientific context because people think it does. (If enough people sincerely 'knew' that the planets are crystal spheres pushed by angels, that would retroactively become reality.) So that essentially means that a lot of Warhammer's basic physics, goofy and over the top as they are, can't really exist in the setting in an objective sense. (In theory you COULD, if you got all humanity to believe there's orks and elves in space, but in practice that would be a lot of work without much to show for it, and again, in 40k they just exist. Humanity's opinion on them is irrelevant. In WoD, Earth is the only functional planet for all intents and purposes.)

The Warp is... not exactly the same thing as the Umbra, or the spirit world. In fact, there's several aspects of the Warp (it as a realm of ideas and dreams/nightmares, where faith takes on a form, and so on) that are similar to aspects of the Umbra, but not in the same precise region, and a lot of them have their own existence independent from anyone's belief. Mortal life is, paradoxically, both a largely irrelevant aspect of existence to spirits and the source of what we think of as reality, but that means that not only do equivalents to the Chaos Gods not exist, they probably wouldn't be able to materialize in the 40k way. The Triat, the cosmic forces of the Wyrm and Wyld and Weaver, MIGHT be assumed to be equivalent, but no; they're bigger than the Chaos gods, and sort of in a 'thrashing cosmic force that can be read as not actually being sapient'. That last point is a bit foggy to be honest, since the Wyrm is often described as being driven mad and THAT'S why the force of balance has become malicious corruption, but they are often implied to be cosmic forces that do not and CANNOT make moral choices, but simply do what is in their nature. Tzeentch may make schemes, but he is still shaped by forces and making his decisions, in his own way; the Weaver does not, and when she strives to define all reality into absolute stasis, it is simpler her doing what she IS. But anyway the point is that the Umbra isn't really analogous to the Warp, and its the closest thing in the setting. 3. A lot of 40k's aspects are integral, inalterable parts of the setting that have their own objective reality; psykers exist and pull power from the Warp. WoD is not like this, it is weird and chaotic and a mash up of cosmologies that make no sense in full context, half the time things only exist because people think they do and at the exact same time half the spirits and spirit realms we see are KIND OF like mythologies but also not. Everything is weird and full of secrets and also the world was supposed to have been destroyed several years before the events of WoD, but a big part of the setting is that everyone is facing down one apocalypse or another. 4. If you do obvious magic that people think isn't possible (in terms of what the local paradigm concludes is impossible; time travel machines have the same effect even in places where science is a dominant paradigm because EVERYONE KNOWS TIME TRAVEL ISNT POSSIBLE), you tend to explode. Or get retconned out of reality. Not in the same way as demons being drawn by psykers, but... look, its called Paradox and it gets weird, and reality doesn't like getting bent out of shape. This also means that the kind of impossible feats and blasting attacks typical for 40k Psykers would be EVEN MORE DESTRUCTIVE to them, personally. So the kinds of thing the Emperor is known to do isn't something that could generally happen in the setting of WoD.

[princelylove]

Hello, Prince! I’ve been following (and indulging into) your blog for a while now and this is my first time submitting a question/request 🥹 but before I jump into that, I must take a moment and tell you how much I love your perspectives, especially on the Bucci gang (biased, but they’re my favs). Sometimes, while reading your answers, I forget that you’re technically writing them as yanderes. Your characterizations, although yandere, feel very close to their canon selves, imo. Just exaggerated scenarios, sure; but the human psyche is so complex, and yet so simple at the same time - one “right” trigger and everything can go wrong. Especially when you’re dealing with characters coming from such, let’s say, vulnerable backgrounds…

Anyway. I’ve just seen your answer on Leone and Mista’s submissive natures. How do you view Bruno? What I get from your writings is that he is this man who absolutely needs to have a certain control in creating the perfect family he wants. But sometimes I’d like to think he might not be that when it comes to more intimate stuff. After all, he’s someone who has the control in everything. He’s a leader in a mafia organization, first of all. Wouldn’t he also be a little submissive behind closed doors? Just letting himself go?

I’m so curious to read your perspective on this, Your Highness. Thank you for taking your time. Your writings are always a delight.

What I love most about human psychology is the fact that every single individual in the world has the capability to do something bad, but doesn't. Free will is both humanity's savior and tormentor. Why do some individuals snap when others in the exact same position do not? What sets them apart, why do they act the way they do?

You can't know, because we haven't come far in psychology at all! We have no idea what we are or why we do what we do! It's fascinating, it's the best part of humanity. Medical studies are different, you learn objective facts about your body, what do you learn in psych? Theory! Lots of theory, and you go your entire study learning more and more theory! It's so fun.

Some say that our personalities are predetermined based off of our biology, others say it's our environment that shape who we are. Logic dictates a bit of both- you can inherit traits from your parents (possibly from observation, possibly from genetics) and certain disorders from them, but you are but a mere mold of your loved and loathed ones. I supposed I'm a bit biased in this aspect, I'm very, very interested in why we do what we do. But human nature is faulty, and it looks like I won't be getting an answer in my lifetime. It's such a shame.

I've said this countless times, but I value accuracy above my personal preferences. Not every character is going to be absolutely perfect for me, and that's alright. There's attractive characters that I am just not compatible with, I'm sure you feel the same. Straying too far from the source material produces an entirely different person wearing said character's likeness- and, honestly, that's really upsetting. It's just not them. Why say you love a character if you're bending them to the point where it's just someone else?

The same goes for making a character a yandere. Stereotypical yandere doesn't work for every single character, but what does 'yandere' really mean? There's lots of different types! Not every yandere is super overly affectionate and totally head over heels in love. It doesn't work for every character because, well, how many characters do you know that read exactly like that? Why would you make someone like Bruno suddenly become a stalker that trips over himself to please you? Be serious.

Bruno longs for control, and expects himself to play into the typical expectation of the man being both the top and dominant one. There isn't a lot of comfortable opportunities for men to explore their sexuality in the way women do, especially considering his position as a mafioso- or, eventually, as a capo. You kind of lose respect for your boss if you find out he takes it up the ass while you're stressing over getting jobs done.

It's vulnerable to submit. It's uncomfortable. For a man, control is all he has, and if you lose it for even a second, you never really get it back again. Bruno is 'a bit' obsessed with his image- he's not too keen on the idea of his home life thinking he's too hard, or his work life thinking he's too soft. It's like a switch- there's no middle ground for Bruno, he's just one or the other.

He's just not comfortable bottoming, not until you tell him that it's what you want. Bruno is significantly more you-oriented than Guido and Leone, if you want it, you'll have it. Good husbands provide absolutely everything that their spouse could possibly want, it's not a problem- ah. Except it actually is a problem. Wouldn't you rather he takes care of you for the evening?

Bruno likes to think of himself as a very gentle, but firm, dominant man. He wants to guide you through it, really (literally and metaphorically) hold your hand. Doesn't that idea sound so much better?

When you softly tell him no, he'll budge. A good husband wouldn't force you into doing something you don't want. He'll try bottoming, if that's what you'd prefer. He'd do absolutely anything for you- it's just... going to take him a bit to adjust. He's never submitted before, he doesn't know what to do, and that's the one thing he truly hates.

But God does he get addicted. It's good. He'll fully admit the sensation was fantastic for him. Bruno may consider himself a top and to be more on the dominant side, but I think it's obvious that he's a true switch, depending on the relationship. He's a bit shy to ask for it again- he rarely initiates sex, although he flirts with his darling very, very often.

Love is about keeping the flame going. It's wrong of him to not flirt with his spouse even after you've been married for so long. He just doesn't want to accidentally pressure you into sex with him- he's just a man, he can misread you, sometimes. Although, he has a knack for telling when someone isn't being truthful, you know...

As for specific fetishes, I think Bruno doesn't really know what he wants just yet. All he's thought about prior was being a good husband, and eventually, a good father. He kind of already has children, so... it's just more of a fantasy than a real need to get his darling pregnant, if they're even capable of it. A breeding kink doesn't necessarily mean you would like children- it just means you're very, very into the idea of pregnancy. Finishing inside your partner, being finished in, it's hot. Some may enjoy the children aspect, but for most, it's just a fantasy. Bruno's more into the idea than the actuality.

But he later discovers he has a bit of a shoe fetish. That one takes him a little while.

[frazzledsoul]

It's generally left out in the annals of bad behavior/infidelity in the Gilmore Girls canon, but I just want to review the details of Lorelai's "situationship" with Twilight Dad in season 3 when she is in the midst of lecturing Jess and Rory on proper boyfriend/girlfriend etiquette.

Lorelai meets Alex (aka Twilight Dad) on 3.11, which aired on January 21. She and Alex are third wheels when Sookie meets up with an old friend and accidentally sets up a date with him (this takes place during the episode where Rory and Paris fence and have intense sexual tension). I think he asks her out during this episode.

One week later, on 3.12 (airing on February 28) Lorelai and Alex have a coffee date. They discuss the coffee shop he's opening and his two kids who he shares custody with his ex. He suggests a fishing date, and Lorelai ropes Luke into teaching her how to fish. Bear in mind that she has known Luke has crushed on her for the better part of two years.

Anyway, after this incident, Luke decides to give up on Lorelai and asks Nicole out.

The next episode is 3.13, which is the flashback episode. It airs on February 4. This is Luke and Nicole's first date. Nicole definitely does not spend the night.

3.14 airs on February 11. This is Swan Song, where Lorelai is antsy about Rory and Jess possibly fucking, he gets beaked in the eye by the ghost of Shane, they fight, and at the end of the episode Alexis makes a way too realistic moan into Milo's mouth and Rory goes home and tells Lorelai that she's totally going to do Jess at some point.

So Alex and Lorelai have been going out for three weeks, and they decide to go away together with Sookie and Jackson. Sounds kind of serious. It's also mentioned in this episode that in the one week he's been dating Nicole Luke has been on a bunch of overnight trips to New York and seen a bunch of Broadway plays with his girlfriend. I guess we're supposed to assume there's a time jump here because there's no way he did all that within a week.

I'll also point out here that even though Luke mentions he interrupts Rory and Jess every ten minutes so they don't get around to having sex, if he's also making overnight trips to New York they're probably being left alone in the apartment at night quite a bit. Pair that with the offscreen "movie nights" we hear about later and yeah, uh, I think we can figure out what is taking place because no way is that going on in Lorelai's house unless it's also happening while she's out with Alex.

3.15 is February 18, the hockey episode. Jess doesn't call Rory to arrange a date and Lorelai lectures him on his terrible boyfriend behavior. Then he shows up with hickey tickets (and then some!) and I'm guessing Rory's virginity became fairly technical in the car afterwards.

3.16 is the episode where Paris is rejected from Harvard, which airs on February 25. Lorelai is delighted to know that Rory has not actually had sex and that she has "the good kid". She also makes out with Max and then tells Rory all about it and when Rory asks about poor Twilight Dad, Lorelai says "I don't know." I'm thinking you really should not be giving lectures on morality and proper relationship etiquette, hon. Also two weeks ago the relationship was serious enough to include an overnight weekend, but now it doesn't matter? Huh.

So let's skip ahead to Keg. Max, which is three episodes and two months later, which airs on April 25. I'm assuming there actually was a time jump between Luke and Nicole's first date and the swan episode and these episodes actually took place much closer together than they aired, as there's a lot of stuff going on with Luke finding out Jess is skipping school, steals his car to force him to go, and Jess finally being told he isn't graduating that seems like it would take place much closer in time. Anyway, it seems that Lorelai concludes that her relationship with Twilight Dad is over, because "it's become more intermittent". Does she call him and ask them if their relationship is over? I think we all know the answer to that one. Lorelai tries to push herself on Max after he says no and acts like she's the one that's been affronted when he shoves a table between them. I think there was supposed to be a parallel between Lorelai and Jess crossing boundaries in this episode, although I'm not sure why Lorelai did what she did for any reason other than she felt like it.

I really feel someone who behaves in this manner should not be lecturing her teenage daughter or her boyfriend about what a real relationship looks like, nor should she be evaluating who or who isn't "the good kid" based on what she's been doing. It appears Alex was just cheated on and dropped without explanation as the relationship was getting serious. Rory was fully aware of what was happening and further got the message that it is okay to do this sort of thing if an ex boyfriend enters the picture because if he was yours first, it's okay to cheat with him whenever you feel like it. I'm sure that's not something she's going to take to heart or anything.

Anyway, fair well Twilight Dad. I'm sure you'll have more interesting adventures in the PNW from now on.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

captive prince book 1 highlights & annotations

chapter 6

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

‘In case he found me pleasing, I was being trained for the Prince.’ ‘Were you?’ said Damen, with some interest. ‘Because of my colouring. You can’t see it in this light, but in daylight, my hair is almost blond.’ ‘I can see it in this light,’ said Damen. He could hear the approval saturating his own voice. He felt it shift the dynamic between them. He might as well have said, Good boy.

damen likes blondes moment #5, ft. damen’s vague slavery apologism. booooooooo

He should be in Akielos, where his training would be fêted and prized.

damen that’s fucked up. i know you don’t know that, but it is and you’ll figure it out

‘You were made for better masters than these. You deserve someone who appreciates your worth.’

context: slavery, in all forms, is wrong. the narrative knows this. damen does not.

It wasn’t possible that something like this was going to happen—that this court was so depraved that a mercenary could rape a royal slave a scant distance from the gathered court.

some really interesting questions about consent here. can sex under slavery be consensual? i say no. if a person does not have free will, they cannot freely give consent. 

but there is the sex scene between laurent and damen in book 2. that’s on damen’s last night of technically belonging to laurent—however, they both acknowledge that he really was never a slave, by training or behavior, and damen was given many opportunities to leave prior. so to me, it is very much consensual.

anyway, when damen suggests that the sex akielions have with palace slaves is consensual, it’s like… eh, no, i don’t think so. it’s still noncon, just with extra hidden steps and attempted justifications, as opposed to the blunt and unapologetic debauchery of vere (although i will note that in vere, the pets are not slaves, which damen seems to often ignore/forget). the slaves have been essentially trained their whole lives to always consent. that within itself is a violation of their human rights, and means that their verbal consent doesn’t even matter. basically: damen’s moral outrage here is justified, but it also exposes a massive blind spot in his perspective.

Without access to income from his various estates, Laurent’s retinue was substantially diminished and his spending curtailed.

this is so funny to me. laurent has to cancel several streaming service subscriptions because he’s losing income. no more hulu for you, broke boy

There had to be something he could do. There was nothing he could do.

lemony snicket-ass line

Very deliberately, he knelt, and bowed his head, and lowered his eyes to the floor. For a moment, it was so quiet that he could hear the flames from the torches fluttering in the air. ‘This is new,’ said Laurent.

‘Let me guess. You want me to take off your chains. Or reduce your guard. Or put you in a room where the doors and windows are unbarred. Don’t waste your breath.’

context: laurent still cannot conceive of damen being a noble or selfless person

‘Am I supposed to believe you care about their welfare? How exactly would they be treated better in Akielos? It is your barbaric society that forced them into slavery, not mine. I would not have thought it possible to train the will out of a man, but you have managed it. Congratulations. Your show of compassion rings false.’

he’s right! and it’s definitely notable that this comes from laurent, whose strong will is one of his defining characteristics. he feels more disdain for the complete depersonalization of akielion slaves, than for the contractual torment of pets in vere.

laurent and submission do not mix well, ideologically or in practice. when he chooses to be submissive, it’s in order to feel more in control. it’s like what amma says in sharp objects by gillian flynn: “sometimes if you let people do things to you, you’re really doing it to them.” akielion slaves have been conditioned not to question what they’re told to do, and that to laurent is probably more evil than forcing someone who knows that they don’t want something to do it anyway.

‘I don’t know if that is usual practice in this place, but good men don’t torture slaves in Akielos. Slaves are trained to obey in all things, but their submission is a pact: they give up free will in exchange for perfect treatment.’

i know his heart is in the right place, but maybe a pact involving a total loss of free will is just… not good under any conditions?

‘To abuse someone who cannot resist—isn’t that monstrous?’

oof. laurent trauma dramatic irony moment

Finally, Laurent said, ‘You overestimate my influence over my uncle.’ Damen began to speak, but Laurent cut him off. ‘No. I—’ Laurent’s golden brows had drawn slightly together, as though he had encountered something that did not make sense. ‘You would really sacrifice your pride over the fate of a handful of slaves?’ He had worn the same look on his face at the ring; he was gazing at Damen as though he was searching for an answer to an unexpected problem. ‘Why?’

context: this reminds me of the way that laurent offered to help nicaise and then realized he couldn’t, because his uncle has too much power over them both. he’s going through the same logical process here re: fulfilling damen’s request. he’s also confused as to why damen has made the request at all at all, because he still sees damen as selfish and immoral, while his request is undeniably selfless and moral. just like earlier, laurent pragmatically asks—“why?”

‘Because I am stuck here in this cage and I have no other way to help them.’

this is how laurent feels about nicaise. fuuuuuck

‘You think this is a trick,’ said Damen. He could see from the assessing look on Laurent’s face that he was right.

context: damen doesn’t realize it, but the fact that laurent is even looking into this is a total win. he is, in a very slight and cautious way, giving damen’s perspective serious consideration.

‘Something amuses you?’ Laurent. ‘What would I have to gain from—’ Damen broke off. ‘I don’t know how to convince you. You don’t do anything without a dozen motives. You lie even to your own uncle. This is country of deviousness and deception.’ ‘Whereas pure Akielos is free of treachery? The heir dies on the same night as the King and it is merely coincidence that smiles on Kastor?’

THIS CONVERSATION IS SO GOOD. both of their kingdoms suck. they’re both helpless and suffering as princes, and they could both make things better as kings. especially if they worked together! this has been here from the very start, it’s SO fucking good. the slow burn isn’t just romantic and sexual, it’s, like, intellectual. ideological. philosophical. amazing.

‘After you left,’ the guard said, ‘he got a visit from Govart.’ Laurent turned back to Damen, blue eyes like ice. ‘No,’ said Damen, knowing Laurent believed this now to be some scheme of his uncle’s. ‘It’s not what you think.’

context: they’re both acting reasonably here based on the information they’ve been given. the coincidence just sucks. damn uncle