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something-tofightfor · 5 months ago

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Fool's Gold 2: The Wonder in the Wait

Pairing: Pirate Oberyn Martell x Female Reader (with a twist)

Rating: M for now - but that will change later.

Word Count: 6,255

Summary: The longer you're on the ship, the more you learn about the man who rescued you - and the people you're surrounded by.

Some things make sense. Others make none. As more time passes, the line between the two blurs. Your growing comfort on the open sea and your blooming attraction to Daavos doesn't help anything.

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone that read the first two parts of this. I love this little world I'm building, and it's been a lot of fun to tweak Daavos' personality a little without making him unrecognizable.

If you want to talk about this story (or any of my others) please feel free to pop into my inbox or DMs!

Chapter title comes from "Valkyrie" by Caligula's Horse.

Fool's Gold Masterlist

You paused for long moments at the top of the stairs, just looking at what was in front of you.

You’d expected a ship that was in less than perfect condition, something that might have needed serious repairs or polishing due to the time it spent on the sea and the nature of piracy.

Instead, you saw grandeur everywhere you looked - gleaming bronze rails, polished carvings on the outer walls of the main cabin, and level decking with evenly cut boards beneath your feet. The design of the ship was sleek, and when you looked up at the sails, you had to blink at how large they were - and at the fact that they weren’t patched or mended.

Instead, they were pristine and blood red, and though they weren’t fully extended, they were still puffy with the breeze. “We don’t sail at full speed overnight.” Daavos reached for you again, taking your elbow. “We’ll lower them again at first light.” You walked slowly with him across the deck, eyes scanning your surroundings. “My crew are very good at what they do.”

“Your ship is beautiful.” He held your hand as you took a few steps upward onto the deck at the bow, nodding politely at a young man that hurried by and briefly ducked his head as he greeted the two of you. “What is she called?”

He stopped beside you, letting go of your hand and then leaning forward to rest his elbows atop one of the railings. Daavos was quiet, and you took a few seconds to look at him, watching as the sea breeze ruffled the curls on his head. His profile was stunning - a proud, sloped nose, full lips that seemed to be set into a pout whenever he was deep in thought, his neck corded with muscle, but still slender.

He was handsome, and you had the feeling that whenever the ship was docked, the women in whatever port they chose were falling over themselves just for the chance to interact with him. Unless he has a wife. He said there were women on board, but if she were here, he wouldn’t have put me in their room. You glanced down at your own hands, thinking.

You didn’t wear a ring. You didn’t have any jewelry that bore a sigil with your belongings. Aside from the bottom of the dagger’s hilt and the strange stamped piece of metal, you’d seen nothing of yours that could even potentially connect you to a house or a family.

There was always the possibility that you were poor, and that your husband and family were lowborn, which meant that you had nothing of real value to your name. But the material and style of your dress and boots - and the gold coins in them - told you otherwise.

“You’re on the Sand Snake.” Daavos finally spoke, turning his head toward you. “The finest ship out of -” The Sand Snake? But …

“This is Prince Oberyn Martell’s ship.” You straightened up, lips parting as your eyes widened. “It was captured after he -” After he died. Daavos stood up, too, angling his body toward yours, but leaving one elbow resting against the railing. “And that makes you the Blood Adder.”

You took a step back, fear creeping through you for the first time. I knew there was going to be something to worry about. “So you have heard of me.” His smile was still there, and the amusement in his eyes had grown, but he didn’t move closer or attempt to keep you in place, even as you took another half step back. “This was the Prince’s ship. And I did take over as captain after he was ambushed.” He reached down, untucking the bottom of his shirt from his pants and lifting the material up to show you the skin of his abdomen. Despite your apprehension, you didn’t look away as he displayed a large, healed over scar, prominent on his right side. “But I earned it.”

You knew the story of Oberyn Martell - and his fate - well.

You didn’t know how or why you had the information, but as you kept quiet and studied Daavos’ face, you tried to think rationally. Let it come to you. After Oberyn’s victory against Gregor Clegane at Tyrion Lannister’s trial by combat, things had escalated quickly for the Dornishman.

A week later, Tywin Lannister’s body had been found in one of the Red Keep’s towers. The only thing wrong with his appearance was a trickle of blood from his nose and mouth. The following day, an entire company of the Lannister army that was known to closely protect and serve Tywin was found poisoned, all of the men suffering greatly before their deaths according to eyewitnesses.

There was no outright reason to suspect Oberyn, as he’d been seen with his lover Ellaria in a variety of places throughout the most likely times that the deaths had taken place. But Cersei hadn’t been willing to accept that she couldn’t pin the blame on him, though she’d let the Dornish Prince finish his stay in King’s Landing without incident.

Weeks later, long after the Dornish entourage had returned home, she’d sailed a portion of her army down the coast and toward Dorne to intercept the Prince’s ship as he sailed north for Pentos. A clash on the open sea resulted in the death of the Prince, the capture of his ship, and a victory for the Queen Reagent, even if she was the only one keeping score.

But you hadn’t known that pirates took part in the initial battle, and you told Daavos as much, your voice shaking slightly. “They did.” He scoffed. “Cersei Lannister was not willing to sacrifice more of her army than necessary, so she required the assistance of pirates.” He gestured to the ship, his smile almost spiteful. “I kept the name of the ship because when people see her? They remember what one Dornish man was willing to do for those he loves.” He pointed at himself. “And I am the Blood Adder to carry on in the Red Viper’s memory, because I understand what it means to honor those memories. I understand the importance of family and love and vengeance.”

“Did you kill him for this ship?” You held his gaze, setting your shoulders. “Prince Oberyn?”

“No.” Daavos narrowed his eyes. “I did not.” He sighed. “She tasked one of her men with carrying that order out.”

“They never found his body.” You chewed on the inside of your cheek, shaking your head. “I remember … the news came to us, and he was declared dead because …” You tapped your foot on the deck, thinking. “His armor. People that went to King’s Landing said that Prince Oberyn’s armor was displayed there as a trophy. And they wouldn’t have had the armor unless…”

“So it seems that you do know some things.” Daavos raised a brow, lips parting to reveal his teeth through a smile. “Just not … anything about yourself.”

“I know that I must have been on a ship.” You sighed, closing your eyes. “And I know that I had some coin, and a dagger that looks at least somewhat valuable.” He nodded, eyeing you. “I know that the style of my dress is … quality.”

“The stitching is exquisite.” Daavos winked again, nodding back. “We found you by following a trail of debris floating on the water. With the currents, it seems …” He took a breath. “It seems likely that you set sail from Braavos or Gulltown.”

You considered his words. Either option was possible, based on what you knew about those ports. “Did you find anything from the ship? A name, a logbook, a piece of sail?”

“We found wreckage. Some was just broken boards and beams, other pieces looked … burned.” He pointed at you with one ringed finger. “Those burns align with your burns; the ones on your back and shoulders? It stormed in the area a few days ago, we were sailing just behind the weather, so it is possible that -”

“Lightning.” You gasped, thinking back to your dream. “I dreamed about a lightning storm and the smell of burning, and -”

“This is good.” Daavos smiled and then stepped closer, stopping when you held up a hand. “I am sorry.” He held up both hands, closing his eyes. “I understand that now that you know who I am, you are … afraid of me.” Not afraid, just … wary. “You have no reason to believe me, but I mean it when I say that as long as you are on this ship, you are just as important to me as any member of my crew.” He gestured to the space behind you, indicating the rest of the ship. “I mean you no harm, and neither do any of them. I only take lives when it is necessary.”

“What happened to the Prince’s men?” You turned and looked at the crewmembers as they worked, listening as their laughter carried to you. “Did they just abandon ship when you became captain?”

“His crew was small on that journey, because it was supposed to be a simple one. Some of them were killed attempting to protect their Prince.” He sighed, finally looking away and staring out, over the water. “I gave others the option to disembark when we made land next so that they could make their way home. A few did that. Most chose to stay.” He looked back at you, his smile sad. “It is a big and beautiful world, and they, like myself, did not want to live and die in the same corner of it where they were born.”

“They should call you Daavos the Merciful, not the Blood Adder.” You rolled your eyes, turning away from him and crossing your arms before you leaned forward, resting them on the railing. “If what you’re saying is true, you’re the least ruthless pirate on the Narrow Sea.”

He laughed at your words, moving to stand next to you again and mirroring your position, though he kept space between you. “Don’t be fooled. I am ruthless. And I will defend myself and those that I protect. But cruelty for cruelty’s sake serves no purpose in this life. I am no Lannister.”

The two of you watched the sea in silence for a long while, and you let your thoughts run free.

His story rang true with what you knew of the Martells and Lannisters. You’d recognized the ship and figured out his name before he’d even confirmed who he was. His crew seemed happy, and the few women you’d seen on the decks and in the hallways below deck looked content and healthy as they moved freely throughout the ship. He’s not keeping them here against their will.

It still didn’t seem like a typical pirate ship or crew, though you had nothing more than general knowledge to make your assumptions from. But the truth was that no matter how you felt, or what you thought, there was little you could do about your situation. I just need to make it to Tyrosh. That gives me time.

“Thank you for rescuing me.” You looked toward him, taking a deep breath. “Thank you for allowing your healer to treat my wounds. I …” You didn’t know if you actually wanted to admit to him how close you’d been to giving up, but decided that no matter what or who he was, he’d brought you on board and deserved to hear the truth. “If you hadn’t found me that day, I was … I was going to wait until sundown, when the sea beasts …”

“Then I am very glad we saw your boat.” He cautiously reached over, letting his fingertips touch your hand but not pushing for more. “You may not know who you are or where you come from right now, but I’m certain that you have much to live for.”

“Maybe.” You glanced down at your hands. “I have no jewelry. I have nothing with a house sigil on it. I don’t know who might be looking for me, or where I was going, or -”

“You remembered the lightning.” He nodded, brow furrowed. “You remembered the storm. The way you speak and the information you know tells me that you are educated, and not just in historical events. If you want my guess?” He leaned a little closer, and you did too, captivated by the cadence of his voice and the warmth in his expression. “I think you are from Braavos. And if that is the case, your ship not showing up where it is supposed to be when it is supposed to be there will be big news.”

He was right. And it’s as good a guess as any. “I have enough to book passage on a ship from Tyrosh back to Braavos.” You shook your head and then covered your face with your hands. “Or … or any other city between here and Tyrosh. You could just … Pentos. You could drop me off in Pentos, and -”

“I could do that.” He sighed, lips turning downward and into a frown. “If it is what you want me to do. But Braavos is just my guess. And if I am wrong? If you make it back to the city and it turns out that you are not from there?” His mouth moved, but no words came out for long seconds. “A woman alone with little money has very few options for survival.”

“Oh.” Your shoulders slumped and you hung your head, eyes cast down so that you could focus on the surface of the water as the ship slipped through it. He was right about that, too. And while you figured a man like Daavos had spent time in the pleasure houses and brothels in both Westeros and Essos, it seemed that the idea of someone being forced into the profession wasn’t something he agreed with.

You wondered if he had sisters - or even close friends while growing up - that had been thrust into that lifestyle against their will. Or maybe he just … cares. “May I tell you something else?”

You murmured a yes, blinking rapidly before you looked over at him. The sun was truly beginning to set, and the light caught him perfectly, highlighting the planes of his face and seeming to make him glow. The sight of him - like that - was distracting, but you forced yourself to pay attention to what he was saying, trying to push the feeling of attraction to the side. It is not the right time.

“My healer told me some other things about you after she examined you.” He closed his eyes, sighing. “I was not present for any of this, I assure you. But she said that you seem to be healthy. You have few scars, and despite it being crusted with salt and blood from the wound, your hair was … Not matted. No insects. It was singed, but your dress was well made and maintained.” He cautiously touched your hand again, fingers trailing down to take your wrist before he flipped it over, exposing your palm. “There are only small calluses on your hands and feet.”

He slipped his thumb up and over the heel of your hand and then circled it against your palm, his touch gentle. But wait a minute … From what you could see, his hands were smooth, too - or at least smoother than those of a pirate should have been. There was dirt beneath his nails, but they were well-kept. And so is his hair and his facial hair.

He traced along one of the lines on your palm, following it up the center of your hand with the tips of two of his fingers, but he didn’t say anything else for almost a minute. “She checked you for … trauma.” You knew what he meant immediately, and instead of attempting to draw your hand away from his, you closed your fingers, trapping his beneath them. “I thought … I thought maybe something had happened, and someone left you in that boat, and …”

“Did she find anything?” You hadn’t even considered the fact that you’d been abused and then abandoned, and even though there was wreckage from what Daavos assumed was your ship, he’d been right to check.

“She told me no on both accounts, but did not give details.” He pressed his palm to yours and then withdrew his hand, steepling his fingers together, arms hanging over the edge of the railing. “That is a good thing.” It is. “Today must be overwhelming for you, so I will finish the tour by showing you the rest of the ship’s interior. There is a washroom. There is a galley. If and when you are hungry, please find something to eat.”

“Am I allowed to be out here?” You held a hand up, thumb pointing back and behind you. “Or would you prefer I stay below deck?”

“You can go wherever you wish.” His smile widened, and you were happy to see it. “You are not a prisoner on the Sand Snake. She is yours to explore.” You thanked him again, and when you both stood up and backed away from the railing, it was you that reached for him, laying your hand on his arm and letting it rest there.

“I’ll go with you to Tyrosh, Daavos. Pentos is … there’s no need to make a special stop for me.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” He closed his eyes and nodded, the small smile never faltering. “And I’m sure we’ll enjoy each other’s company until we arrive.”

—

For the next few days, you got to know the ship and some of the crew.

The weather was pleasant, and the further south you sailed, the warmer the days became. You saw Daavos multiple times each day, but he didn’t visit you in your room at all. You knew that he’d gone in, though, because the door of his wardrobe was unlocked one afternoon, and one of the drawers on his desk was opened the next, revealing stacks of papers and a few small books inside of it.

You knew it was wrong of you, especially after he’d been so generous with allowing you to remain in the room even after you didn’t need to anymore. But you couldn’t stop yourself from reading the pages.

Some of them were Prince Oberyn’s personal items. There were letters from his daughters and Ellaria, sketches of a beautiful woman that you assumed was his lover, and even a few folded pieces of paper that you opted not to read after finding that they were correspondence that he’d never been able to send to the woman before his death.

There was also poetry, which you absolutely read, your eyes scanning the words on the page as your heart ached for the man that had inked them. You knew who Prince Oberyn was and what he was known for, and based on the pages in front of you, the rumors of his romantic nature had been true.

But his feud with the Lannisters had snuffed out his life too soon, leaving a woman that was clearly devoted to him as well as all of his daughters without him. It’s not fair, you thought as you shuffled through the papers and put them back into the order you’d found them in. He won that trial outright and there was no proof that he was responsible for Tywin and the army’s deaths.

There was another stack of papers in the drawer, and those were in a different handwriting, leading you to believe that they were Daavos’. Reading the words of a dead man were one thing, but prying into the life of a man that you knew personally was another, and so with only a quick glance, you pushed them away from you and then shut the drawer.

It locked with a click, and you stood up, deciding to get some fresh air.

Twilight was settling over the sea, which meant activity on the deck was light. Most of the crew were in the galley or their quarters and enjoying their nightly meal. You opted to stay on the main deck, settling yourself atop one of the crates there and leaning against the ones stacked behind it.

Your hands and face were better - the salve Daavos had given you was nothing short of magic. Though the worst blisters were still present, they’d gotten much smaller and no longer hurt.

Your back was better, too, the healer confirming that you were on the mend. All things considered, the previous days had been wonderful for you, and the fresh salt breeze was likely helping.

But you still didn’t remember anything about your previous life.

You’d asked a few of the crewmen if they recognized the symbol on the metal or the mark on the bottom of your dagger, but none of them could help you. You’d inquired as to whether or not they recognized your accent based on their travels, but aside from a vague “you sound like you’re from the North”, there’d been no progress there, either.

But you could read. And if you could read, it stood to reason that you could write, too. You were educated and your body was soft, making clear that you’d never had to do hard labor. Your clothes and boots were made from fine materials, and were well made, on top of that. The confirmation that your body bore no signs of sexual trauma was a relief, too.

All of that together told you that whoever you were and wherever you were from, you’d likely had a good life, or at the very least, a comfortable one. “And yet I’m happy here, too.” You sighed and closed your eyes, tipping your head back.

The crew were friendly, explaining the routines on the ship to you when you asked. You’d helped in the kitchen, chopping vegetables and slicing bread, even helping to cook meat. After the first few days on board, you’d woken up early in the morning, following the schedule of the majority of the crew. You would have helped more, earning your place among them, but they had been unwilling to let you.

You assumed that was Daavos’ doing. While you appreciated the fact that he wanted you to get better before you overexerted yourself, you wondered how long that would last. Maybe until Tyrosh. You hoped that wasn’t the case, because there were still days to go until you docked there.

“May I sit with you?” You opened your eyes at the sound of his voice, turning your head to the right. “We have not had time to speak today.”

“Of course, Captain.” Scooting over, you left him room to sit beside you. “We’re what … three days out from Tyrosh?” He settled in, murmuring an agreement.

“Maybe a little less.” He settled his hands on his lap, one thumb turning the ring on the other in a slow circle. “The winds change near Shipbreaker Bay, and we may be fortunate.”

“I’m sure the crew will be happy to be on land for a few days.” He nodded, taking a deep breath. “What about you? Do you stay with the ship, or will you enjoy the city, too?”

“The Three Sisters to Tyrosh is a short journey, so none of my crew are sea-weary.” There was a long pause, and when Daavos spoke again, you could tell that he was amused. “But if you’re asking what I believe you are asking, yes. I intend to make a few stops while we’re docked, and I’m sure they will, too.” You smiled, feeling your cheeks heat. Of course he understood my meaning. “After we inquire about you, of course.”

“I can do that on my own.” You waved him off. “It shouldn’t take long. And I don’t want to cut your time short with … your business.” Daavos laughed, lifting one hand to press it to the center of his chest, and despite the slight embarrassment you felt at the subject of the conversation, you let yourself enjoy it.

He laughed often, the sound carrying on the breeze to your ears throughout the days and in through your open window during the night. You looked forward to hearing it, but you enjoyed seeing him laugh even more, the corners of his eyes creased and a dimple appearing on one cheek. Daavos laughing usually made you want to join in, but that night, all you did was give him a small smile before lowering your head as you shook it back and forth.

“I told you. I am responsible for you until I know that I don’t need to be any longer.” He reached over then, settling his hand on your knee and squeezing. “Us talking to a few people will not interfere with my business.” Daavos paused, and then sighed. “You still have not told me what you wish for me to use as your name.”

Truthfully, you hadn’t given it much thought. The rest of the crew were happy to greet you without calling you anything, and you didn’t want to choose something quickly and then remain saddled with it if you never remembered who you really were. You told him as much, and Daavos didn’t reply at first - but when he did, his words stunned you.

“What if I give you a name?” He looked over at you, waiting to see your response. You? But you don’t know me. How can you … “You were found by a Dornish ship with a Dornish crew, so it only seems right to carry that on and call you by a Dornish name.”

“You know that much about Dorne? You could choose a -”

“I know a great many things about a great many people.” He nodded. “And I have spent more than enough time in Dorne to have an idea of the importance of the names they often use there.”

“But I’m not -”

“I won’t choose Nymeria. I promise.” He winked at you and that made you laugh, his lips curving upward at the sound. “Not Dyanne. Not Emarye. Not Arianne.” He sighed. “Meria? No, no, that is …” Daavos cocked his head to the side, furrowing his brows. “Myriah?” He nodded. “That might …” Myriah? “Myriah Martell and her brother united Dorne with the rest of Westeros by marrying Targaryens. It is a strong name. A good name. And if you agree, that is what I…” He swept one of his hands in a half circle to indicate the rest of the ship. “What we will call you for as long as you are with us.”

You thought for a few minutes, letting his words sink in. It’s only temporary. Once I remember who I am, I won’t use that anymore. You didn’t mind the name - especially when it was coming from Daavos’ lips. “Alright.” You agreed, shifting so that you could face him. “I accept that.”

Daavos got to his feet and spun to face you, his smile widening. “Well that was simple.” You stood, too, and when Daavos held out his hand, you took it, the man’s fingers closing around yours before he’d opened his mouth again. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Myriah.”

You wanted to tell him the same, but before you could get the words out, he was lifting your hand and leaning forward, lips puckered. He kissed the back of it and didn’t pull away before raising his gaze to meet yours. Oh, he … this is … it shouldn’t be this enjoyable to … Daavos closed his eyes and squeezed your fingers before releasing them. “It’s…” You shook your head to clear it. “That is definitely not my actual name, so -”

“One down, endless possibilities to go.” He smiled again, and you joined him in laughter, deciding that in spite of the reservations you felt about your behavior - and what was appropriate with Daavos, you were going to try to be less harsh on yourself. At least while I’m on board. “Your help around the ship has been noticed.” He gestured for you to walk with him, and so you did, the two of you heading for the bow and then up the steps. “But you don’t need to work so hard. You are my guest, not a sailor.”

“I’ve already kicked you out of your bedroom. I can’t just no nothing. I don’t like being idle.” You paused, turning to look at him. “Daavos, there’s a possibility that in a few days, I’ll find out where I came from and where I was supposed to go, and then you won’t have to worry about me offering help.”

You felt disappointment gathering in your chest as you spoke the words, the emotion foreign for you. You wanted the truth, wanted to find yourself … but a small part of you wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the handsome man that had saved you from certain death. Handsome pirate… he’s not just a man.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” He lifted a brow, one side of his mouth quirking upward, too. I’m going to take that as a yes. “Are you … married?” You crossed your arms and then uncrossed them, very aware that you could have been too forward with him. “I just wonder if you have someone waiting in a port somewhere, or if one of the women on board are -”

“None of the women on this ship are mine.” His smile widened, Daavos letting out a deep breath. “And as for a wife?” He looked off to his right, his expression faltering briefly. “She is my wife in all of the ways that matter to me, but I have not seen her for many months.” He looked back at you, and even though he was smiling, the expression was sad. “This life is not for her, but she understands that I am doing what I must do.”

You weren’t surprised, but you were a little confused. In all the ways that matter? What does that mean? You were also somewhat disappointed, and there was no way for you to pretend otherwise. Of course he has someone. “Will you see her soon?”

“Very soon.” He grinned, putting a hand on his hip. “It is something that has been a long time coming, and I hope that she is just as excited as I am.” Why wouldn’t she be? You wondered if he was meeting her in Tyrosh - if she was one of the stops that he was planning on making once the ship docked.

Before you could ask, though, the sound of a clanging bell rang out, startling you - and Daavos. “What is that? Why -”

“That is the signal for rough water. It means things might not be so smooth tonight.” He sighed. “Of course it happens after dark, but…” He muttered something under his breath that you didn’t catch, but when Daavos caught your eye again, the smile was back on his lips. “Let me walk you back to your room.”

You agreed, thanking him. To your surprise, he offered you his arm to lead you across the deck and back toward he stairs, his hand settling over yours once you’d tucked it into the crook of his elbow. As the two of you walked together, you felt the ship sway beneath your feet. It was the first time since you’d been on board that you felt unsteady, but with Daavos next to you, you kept your balance.

You made it to the door of your room and he stopped, pulling his arm free from yours. He didn’t say goodnight or turn to leave, though. “Thank you for making sure I got back safely.” You spoke quietly, the flickering lanterns casting light over both of you. “Will the waves make it hard for you to sleep tonight?”

“No.” He leaned in. “Don’t worry about me.” He wet his lips, eyes searching your face for long moments. It should have made you uncomfortable, but instead you grew warm at the way his focus felt. He just told me he has someone. He just … stop. “You may want to douse the lantern in your room tonight. If it gets too rough, it -”

He was cut off by another lurch of the ship, but that one caused you to lose your balance. You stumbled forward a few steps, both hands rising and then coming to rest against his chest. Daavos reacted, too, his arms winding around you to keep you from falling over. “Oh! Daavos, I -” The ship rocked again, but he had his feet planted that time, and managed to keep you both steady.

You should have moved.

The proper thing to do would have been to pull yourself out of his arms and go into the bedroom … but you didn’t. Instead, you let him hold you, your eyes locked with his in the dim hallway. As the seconds ticked by, you felt his hands move, Daavos sliding one of them slowly up your back and pulling you even closer.

You curled your fingers against his shirt, the material silky to the touch - and for a split second, wondered if his hair would be just as soft. Or his lips. Your eyes dropped to his mouth and lingered there. The desire that had been simmering since the moment you’d first woken up to see him through the gauzy sunlight filtering through his curtains overwhelmed your common sense. Kiss me. Please kiss me.

It was him that moved first, Daavos tilting his head to the side as he leaned in, palm flat against your back and his fingers spread wide. He’s going to kiss me.

But it was you that stopped him, your mouth opening and somehow overpowering your body’s reaction to his proximity. “Please don’t.” He stopped moving immediately, both eyes widening. “You just �� your wife. You -”

“There is so much that you do not know.” His lips twisted into a frown as he straightened up, but Daavos didn’t let go of you. “So much, and -”

“You’re right.” You felt the tears gathering and then blinked them away furiously, even as you pushed against his chest to put distance between you. “I know nothing about myself. I might have a husband that spends his time writing me poetry like the kind I found in your - in Oberyn’s room.” The tears fell and you watched Daavos’ face do the same, the man wincing at your words. “I might have someone that misses me the way that he missed Ellaria and his daughters when they were apart, but I don’t know.”

He spoke then, saying your agreed-upon name and then stopping, head lowering as he shook it. It sounds strange to me, too. “You might. It would not surprise me.”

“But what I do know? Is that you just told me that you do have someone. And they’re waiting for you. And no matter how much I would like to let you kiss me, I will not risk losing your goodwill when it comes to my place on this ship.” You sucked in a breath, pushing on his chest again in frustration. That time, he let you go, taking a step back but not looking away as he let you see the hurt in his expression. “And I won’t hurt a woman I’ve never met by taking something that isn’t mine to take.”

“I am sorry.” He swallowed, holding up one hand. “It was my mistake.” Your heart lurched at his admission, and you fought to keep your expression even. The ship swayed again, forcing you to reach out with one hand to brace yourself against the wall. Daavos looked away and over his shoulder before settling his attention back on you. “Please don’t think less of me.”

“I don’t.” Your heart was pounding, but what you said was the truth. You’d both gotten caught up in the moment - and you’d stopped yourself before crossing a line. “It happens. A moment of weakness, and nothing more.” Gesturing to the hallway behind him, you forced a smile. “Go. Check on your ship.”

He thanked you and then turned away after giving you one final look. But before Daavos had taken more than a few steps, he stopped and looked back in your direction. “I was not just talking about you when I said there were things that you don’t know.” What does that even mean? “Sleep well.”

Daavos turned away again and then disappeared into the darkness. You stared after him for long moments, trying to make sense of what he’d said - and what had almost happened between you. “I can do that inside.”

You spoke to yourself, the sound of your voice forcing you into motion. Minutes later, you were inside of the room and in bed. You doused the lantern like Daavos had suggested, which plunged the room into almost total darkness and left you alone with your thoughts - and the memory of his touch.

Sleep evaded you for hours. It had little to do with the way the ship moved atop the water and everything to do with the way that the look of disappointment in Daavos’ eyes had mirrored what you felt as you pushed him away and heard him call the moment between you a mistake.

—

#oberyn martell #oberyn martell x female reader #oberyn x reader #fool's gold #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character #writing #pedro pascal masterlist #oberyn martell masterlist #fool's gold masterlist #pirate oberyn #pirate au #game of thrones #game of thrones au #the red viper

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lucabyte · 2 months ago

Note

Your gender thought type essays have made me curious about what your oc creation/development process is like! It seems to be something you put a lot of thought into and that’s very interesting (especially cause my circles don’t often go into detail in that area)

I'm delighted to hear you're curious!! I'll give as thorough an answer as I can manage, though it'll likely be a bit disorganised. Okay, so... I'm gonna use a couple examples for this, and since you specified gender stuff I'm gonna go for some where gender/sexuality are integral, even if in seemingly counterproducive ways (but that'll be the last few...)

So. The first character that comes to mind here for me in terms of like... A lot of thought going into their gender is Lavender.

So going all the way back... Lavender was made in 2015.

Spreadsheet puts her at the 13th character in the setting, creation-date ways! So she's Been around a while.

Part 1: A Core Idea

Now, why was Lavender made? This is the first step of character creation. Well, she was made to tick a bit of a box. I realised my only girls at the time were all tomboyish so I needed a cute girl. And this was 2015, so she arose in the form of a Waifu Joke. She was intended to be a side-character with no real plot ties, so I just designed a character as cute as possible, named her simply (Lavender Wafeu == literally Colour and Waifu) and was basically done? 7 months later I would make Mafioso to slightly further the joke, in that giving Lavender a girlfriend makes her unpursuable* as a waifu. This also gave me a stark butch/femme pair, and I recall around this era there was a joke going around on tumblr of 'Indestructable Lesbians' as opposed to buried gays. This kinda became their thing. Two lesbians the plot wouldn't touch and they wouldn't be endangered.

.... And then that was kinda it. She was a cute girl who was fun to draw, shy, and reserved in nature. An opposition to Mafioso's brash (but secretly a little nervous) demeanor. I would literally just liken this to flutterdash outright. I was basically just doing flutterdash in terms of their personalities.

SO: This is the first step to all my characters. Find a core concept, or more likely, a core joke. Lavender's core joke is a very rough and (frankly unfunny) "your waifu isn't going to fuck you" joke. But you can see how she was built out of it. And we'll get to how that building happened next.

(^ Weird 2015 era lavender with her total lack of emotive range and flat characterisation)

Part 2: Dormancy

Lavender stayed unchanged for quite a while, in this flat state. She picked up a few things, mostly little 'twists' to her character. ie. she could hold her own in a fight, is surprisingly quick to jump to (cartoonish) violence, and likes a good steak. All very basic little things, obvious "oh bet you didn't expect That" contradictions.

She didn't recieve much attention during this time despite me really liking her design still. Mafioso languished even worse in this era, with her mother Omerta picking up most of the development instead. Overall, these two were very, very boring. No amount of little superficial additions could save them from this.

But it... hints at something, right? It hints that maybe there's a facade somewhere, that maybe the perfect-cute-girl thing might actually take a little bit of effort to upkeep...? Hrm...

Part 3: A Fresh Perspective

So, sometime in 2020, I was finally remaking my 2016-era spreadsheet of all my characters from the ground up, since I needed to remove a lot of ms excel specific formatting it had in it.

And while going through, I was being helped by @samhainian, who I had befriended in the years between. And they remarked that I didn't have enough directly trans characters in the cast, to which I agreed. I had a handful of tokens at the time (Adder and Angel spring to mind?) but not many more, so we literally just went down the list with suggestions. And when Sam suggested Lavender, I reacted with confusion. Because... Wait. Is she not trans? But she's so feminine? All of my characters lean extremely gender-neutral in presentation unless they're trying to do gender on purpose...?

And this just, unlocked her whole character like a skeleton key.

I was making her do her gender on purpose. The reason she had those contradictions is because she's putting in the effort to appear like this perfect, girl-next-door, waifu type. Something that doesn't really work if she doesn't have girlhood to prove.

From here, her coy 'maybe she has more to her than cute girl' hints were instantly recontextualised as a thing She was Doing. And instead of being random superficial tidbits, they were Depth. And her cartoonish 'extremely mild-mannered and polite persona' suddenly became a very human facade.

So, she had a new core to build around. And her lack of anything going on before in terms of backstory suddenly felt contextual? She's clearly fresh new to this. She had already had the backstory of being a very young (about 19~21) person who had moved to a new town to live on her own-- Suddenly that makes sense. She's forging a whole new identity. Her polite 'never really talking about herself because she's an object for the audience to desire' quietness becomes intentional evasion. She doesn't have a backstory, because she doesn't want it to be any of your business.

And ironically, this immediately Gave Her the backstory she had been missing. Her wiles and hidden 'smarter than she looks' becomes so relevant as to be real character traits...

I already somewhat went over this (and a number of other gender thoughts, including my thoughts on my myriad 'cis but not' or 'nb in a specific direction') in a thing I wrote, woof, 2 years ago: (LINK) which was a ramble about a lot of my character's genders... In that I summarised Lavender's gender as such:

Part 4: In practice

Okay so it's all well and good that I realised Lavender is Trans Gemder. But that's not where it ends, because she finally became refined and polished to the point of um. Quadrupling her image count on toyhouse. because of Purrgatorio.

See, the other reason I was getting my spreadsheets in order was for Purrgatorio (the original flavour of it, the visual novel) and I needed to just do some general housekeeping.

Lavender, Mafioso and Ess shared a route in VN!Purrgatorio, being that I saw them as a triad of characters. While this characterisation of her basically did nothing interesting, aside from showing her fiery side, this would later become the basis for her being one of the first characters met in actual purrgatorio, where she, being polite and nice, and established back in 2016ish to be one of the few characters Chrome isn't a total asshole to--- She gets to meet Ali.

Now this is where I would say a lot of the real development happened. Right there, in action, in putting her to the test of real writing. All of her characterisation stops being hypothetical, and instead something I have to portray. And I found as I wrote, she grew more deep simply by giving her such an odd situation to be in. And of note, by having Ali be intimidated by talking to cute girls, it gave her the upper hand in the dynamic-- Really allowing me to show off her ability to lead a conversation, and her quiet confidence in herself-- as well as hinting at the thing she isn't quite so confident with.

It's also allowed me to start thinking about her sexuality, too. This is another thing that goes back to her flimsy core concept. The Waifu is generally a sexless being in their own right, having sexuality projected onto them by the narrative or audience. In fact, a lot of shounen girls don't get to be romantically forward-- both because it risks alienating the intended selfshipper-audience, and also because showing too much confidence and autonomy in their sexuality can be too threatening for the chuunibyo audience, who aren't yet comfortable with their own sexuality and-- wait! Look at that! Another part of the core concept I can toy with! Wouldn't it make sense, if she's meant to be a deconstruction of The Waifu Archetype, for her to have that confidence and autonomy? This is what 2015-me was clumsily trying to grasp with the whole lesbian thing... So why not just re-angle that into her being confident and forward. It fits with her new personality, so it works!

*oh hey there's that asterisk. I also realised she had chemistry with Ali! Given the way she is level-headed and rather logical deep down, her curiosity drives this. She's not going to pass up a chance to know a literal Alien... But it also further illustrates how badly Mafioso has been left in the dust by her. (She's been quietly tinkered with behind the scenes ready for her reintrodcution, but for a while, I was really struggling!! Like, considering overhauling her character levels of struggling!! But, we managed, I think. She's yet to be introduced and put into practice yet, but it's upcoming.) To the point where I've broken them up! At least for now. Mafioso needs to prove herself I think, since now she can't rely on Lavender being waifish and easily won over.

TO SUMMARISE THE MAJOR POINTS THERE:

Any joke/idea can be a suitable core, even if flimsy, you just need to find which parts are interesting to either double down on or deconstruct

It's okay for characters to take a long time to form! If you don't feel connected to a character they might need a shake up, but also YOU might need a shake up. Lavender needed a new perspective from someone with a different approach to gender as me, and for I myself to become more comfortable with Real Sexuality (ive literally just aged nearly 10 years itll happen) before she could really shine.

Following on from the above you basically never need to throw a character out completely. You should try and find what it is you like about them, or consider core, and perhaps try and reframe or refract those elements. A character might get demoted to non-main status sometimes, but why throw away that depth? They can hang out on the sidelines if that's better for them.

Sometimes a character won't feel done until you write them! You can do this with RP if you have the ability, but I wrote Purrgatorio instead, which is intentionally low-stakes and non-canon so I don't get too freaked out about writing it. It's a playground for testing characterisaton, and putting characters in weird pairings they otherwise wouldn't to see if something interesting arises.

SOME OTHER EXAMPLES FROM MY BACK CATALOGUE:

Lavender is a bit of a daunting pick, given that she's spent nearly 10 years slowly rotating in my brain, only to finally become realised in the last 3-4 or so. But I do have some more recent quick examples, as well as another giant thing you can read if you want to.

GIANT THING TO READ IF YOU WANT IT: I've posted abt this before way ages ago but I wrote up a whole gigantic thing on my probably 2 most in depth characters. It can be found here (LINK) and also has a longass diatribe about their genders, sexualities, and the core thing they were originally riffing on. (Which was like. a specific type of anime boy ship i was a sucker for, that I eventually realised I was making way more interesting than most anime i was into was bothered to do)

It's a very thorough look into my thought process, including ANOTHER diatribe on purrgatorio granting me some good boons of character.

OTHER EXAMPLE 1: ALI

Okay Ali is too complicated to get into thoroughly here, but they're another good example of a core idea spiralling out.

Core idea: Blank slate visual novel protagonist, so gender neutral and a bit of a flimsy everyman. No real name, only a default name if you left the entry blank. (Ali, a shortening of the canon surname). #FFFFFF skin to keep the jokey ambiguity and pink hair to reference Dante's silly red hat.

Twists: Canon assigned surname of Alighieri, implying them to be some descendent of The Real Dante. And they're in a VN so there's a spooky easter egg where you can roll a death screen that shows them as an ominous demonic Thing instead of a regular human.

The, VN!Purrgatorio got shelved, and because they were human instead of a furry they got shuffled into other projects. A furry version of them showed up in a different project riffing on the demon thing, making them a child-friendly antichrist with 2 siblings based on the tragicomedy masks. Then that furry version's stuff got shoved onto the human version who was just a half-demon kid in Creature Feature. THEN we decided they'd be half-succubus to keep the ability to shift between the sexes (referencing the blank slate gender ambiguity of the VN). THEN that became 'nerd who is freaked out by being a sex demon and doesn't like the ethical implications of their existance but is still kinda miffed that they arent Getting Any' who STILL HAD the antichrist stuff from the furry version....

(^ technically a completely seperate ali ive not done anything with in years lol)

Like you get it. It's a giant katamari of STUFF from all different settings. This is what I mean by 'you never really need to scrap a character'. Because after all this shoving them around into different projects and them accruing things (the 'guy who is really concerned with informed consent is a succubus/incubus' angle really informed them here, as well as deciding that they're apathetic about the magic sex characteristic changes.) we threw them right back into the original setting of Purrgatorio and it went WAY BETTER once they actually had some character traits!

But that core idea still stands a little. Not in them being an everyman, but in prompting them to become an altersex character when fleshed out, and in the way that they're distinctly still tied to that second-person-narration that VNs have, and the eventual 4th wall break they got in the VN informed their powerset as 'narrative manipulator'.

also as a note here: DON'T BE AFRAID TO PLAY WHILE YOUR SETTING ISN'T DONE!

VN!Purrgatorio got shelved because I redid a bunch of MYMK's setting when I was finishing it up. But It was worth it even unfinished.

Ali themselves when in Current!Purrgatorio has spent, up until very recently, their whole time with their home setting (Creature Feature) in a state of being deeply unfinished and in need of a reshake. It's finally getting that now, but it was still fine for me to reference what I knew likely wouldn't be changing! They were able to function just fine without their home setting being solid for upwards of 2-3 years. Obviously this shouldn't be done for *finished* works, but when you're just playing, like I am with Purrgatorio, it's okay to keep things fluid and effectively quietly retcon things later.

OTHER EXAMPLE 2: PEACH TRACY

Peach tracy is an actually recent character, and is under @samhainian's purview, as with the rest of Moraine. Now, she was made with a very distinct gender/sexuality in mind, unlike a lot of my characters who stumble ass-backwards into one.

Peach is the 'token girl' of her group (the other two being Red, a closeted and unaware transfem, and Toyon a he/him butch.) and well, her gender is basically "tik tok girlie", as is her core concept. She only works if she's a pampered cisgender straight girl from a rich background. She's nice! But she's privileged.

Her twist however, is that she is wracked by the guilt of her and her group letting a friend take the fall for an Illegal Youtube Prank to save their own skin, and as such her entire character unravels from there.

Because she has all this guilt, it stands that her Girliepop Persona must be somewhat constructed. She's leaning in to the femininity as a shield and a deflector. She's, y'know, a white girl.

So her gender ends up being overperformed, and she's petrified of expressing her sexuality due to it being tied up in this image of purity. She's the exact type of person to psyche herself out into believing those 'having a crush on your friend is problematic' tumblr posts.

But none of this would really work if she did not start as a (white) girl, able to use that shield. If she were a dude or nonwhite-coded she would not have the ability to react to her situation that way. Ergo, she is actually built out of her identity this way.

(As for her sexuality, she is unhealthily self-flagellating about it, so it ends up just being unpleasant. This was a genuine surprise to myself and @samhainian when we were discussing it. We hadn't thought about it prior to starting some lighthearted riffing about assigning characters kinks literally bc we were bored when we had the horrifying realisation that Peach would not be safe about this shit AT ALL due to a lack of self preservation and way more ambient suicidality than we realised she had until we dug here. We quickly resurfaced from the joke conversation into an actual deconstruction of how she's internalised a lot of blame and decided to go distinctly carceral with it for herself. so there's another tip: Even if you aren't making nsfw content, poking around a character's sexuality will sometimes reveal raw truths that come from sexuality being very vulnerable by default.)

Peach is overall an interesting contrast to Lavender, since they're both Girls Being Feminine On Purpose, but one is transfem and one is. Well god idk what peach will end up but she'll need to unpack it.

(I note that peach is white also, since while I rarely intentionally racially code my characters, sometimes i SUPER do.)

OTHER EXAMPLE 3: VIRGIL MALACODA

Okay because I've talked about a number of girls so far lets be brief about a fuckin Dude.

Virgil is like, some real toxic masculinity shit. He would probably be fucked up in some different way if he were born a girl, but he's distinctly falling into a lot of traps due to his upbringing as "A dude who was promised he'd get power when he grew up".

His dude-ness is a very flat fact to me in that way, and he's similar to Tabitha in that regard since it's one of the ways they're meant to reflect each other. Dudes who's place as patriarch-to-be saved them from being pawned off as a wife, but is still responsible for a lot of their misery. Certainly the better of the two options, but could still be better!

Virgil's themes of masculinity being a simultaneous shield and blinder is a simple one but I go back to it a lot because it can be true a lot of the time in antiquated social situations like, say, the upper class. So, being a villain, he does end up being a condemnation of the structures that disincentivise healthy masculinity. He's necessarily amab because he is the result of how particularly regressive views of masculinity can shape a child into a repressed and miserable adult.

Whether or not virgil stays a dude or not if he ever figures out his way of viewing power structures was Fucked Up and Bad is anybody's guess. It's not really Masculinity that was hurting him, so much as a rich asshole's narrow view of it. So there's no real reason for him to reject a healthier version of it outright, it's just whether he'll ever get there...

CLOSING REMARKS:

Okay writing in the tumblr post editor is starting to scare me with errors so I should probably close this out. But yeah this is a little bit of a run down of where my head is usually at when making characters. A lot of it is just batting jokes back and forth until they become something more solid, which I don't know that I really got across here.

Like, a lot a lot of my characters are built around a core joke. Usually what-ifs like.

"What if a shounen-type card game anime protagonist was just as brash and head-full-of-air as the rest of the, but a girl"

"What if Ed Sheeran had a cheating scandal with two tboys and it made the radio fucking horrible to listen to"

"What if a wrestler was really, really wide and also clearly into rubber"

"What if somebody took the 'blonde anime boy who barely shows emotion' trope seriously because that kind of repression can't be good"

"What if a guy was specifically interested in becoming a Soil Scientist from like, age 4, and never gave up that dream"

^ If you can figure out who's who then you win a prize (a kiss)

But yeah. Jokes upon jokes upon jokes. Assign them classpects and pokemon and put them into speed/power/fly formation and just joke for as long as you possibly can until you hit on something. And if a joke feels really right, or completely off the mark, try and dig in and find why.

Like. I joke about the sexuality thing but it does help since it's so disarming and immediately a bit childishly funny often. Sometimes you'll end up with say, something as serious as "Despite being friends with The Fence, Selene probably shouldn't be left unsupurvised in kink spaces because she ABSOLUTELY does not have the ability to restrain herself and not take her anger issues out on strangers" and sometimes its as silly as "even outside of being asexual, ess is never jackin that shit because if he got caught in any kind of mildly embarrasing scenario it'd ruin his whole year so the cost/benefit analysis of that really doesn't work out"

Because like. both tell you about the characters, and you can also read them more broadly now. Selene ruins relationships by letting anger at unrelated things get in the way, Ess keeps himself from doing even utterly harmless things out of deep social anxiety.

Like yeah, i got to them via goofing about sex but it's still character analysis at the end of the day so long as you put The Reading first*

*DISCLAIMER: im asexual im only ever doing stuff for the read lol . it might be more difficult if youre allosexual . or maybe itll be easier. i dont know just dont get too lost in the sauce. think with ur brain not ur other parts

ALSO gender and sexualty often end up linked so it makes sense to end up at one from the other a lot of the time. It happens.

And as an addendum if you wonder where i tend to literally Design characters? Like visually? It's usually at some point between the first few jokes and before naming them. Though sometimes names come first.

OVERALL: A character should have a core concept to them to start with. This core concept CAN SUCK and be flimsy, or a joke, or even a joke you no longer find funny. But you can always refer back to it when building a character up. If you want to capture the concept, work toward it, if you want to deconstruct or mock the concept, then do that instead. If you sour on a joke, maybe find a way to satirise or deconstruct what you're no longer finding funny.

Sometimes this core concept is steeped in a specific cultural thing, be it race, gender, sexuality, ect, and those necessitate thinking about. Sometimes it's not and those things can practically be an afterthought, but once you lock it in it's likely to begin informing the later choices as it becomes part of the scaffolding.

(To hop back to why you even asked this Q: I so thoroughly read Siffrin as amab BECAUSE they had so many themes about Not Having Changed and clinging to what they knew, and so working backwards from that it only made sense to me that they mustn't've done a big overhaul YET or made any big decisions about that YET by the time we see them in game, because that's what gels best with their themes of being Too Afraid To Change and being a contrast to Isa who has changed a bunch, and a comfort to Mira who hasn't changed at all in their gender. Then it was a case of looking through the game for more evidence either for or against this reading, and I found a lot of evidence for it, in my opinion. But I did so Because I noticed that the themes were Stronger if read this way, and because I conceptualise characters as themes and concepts FIRST it made sense to try and work back to those themes.)

But yeah. TL;DR:

Ground yourself with a Hook for the character, sometimes making it sillier makes it easier to think about.

Try and think about how they would be formed by the world around them, or what their behaviour says about how they must've been formed

Don't worry about things taking a long time. Sometimes a character needs someone else to make a suggestion, or for you to grow and change a little before they click

Putting it into action helps a lot, even if its just roleplay or short snippets. If you can't 'feel out' what a character would do in a situation, that's when it's time to think about their goals for how they want to be seen as a person (including, if they don't want to be seen at all...!) and what hard boundaries they have say, morally.

I am by no means a like. Expert on any of this. I'm fumbling through it all just as much as the next guy (AND... I'M ACTUALLY SOMEWHAT OF A HYPOCRITE. I THINK CHARACTERS ARE BEST SEEN AS 'NARRATIVE CONSTRUCTS' RATHER THAN 'PEOPLE', SO ALL THIS ADVICE BEING SO CHARACTER FOCUSED RATHER THAN NARRATIVE FOCUSED IS MISSING THE FOREST FOR THE TREES LOL....) but apparently people do Like my characters? So, what do I know i suppose LMAO

#told u it would be kinda long. SORRY IT TOOK LIKE 2+ WEEKS THO #YOU CAUGHT ME JUST AS I STARTED GETTING BUSY WITH THINGS AGAIN..... BUT IVE BEEN THINKING ON IT THE WHOLE TIME....#this was kind of a ramble so idk how super helpful it will be? But I hope you get something out of it...?#lucabytetalks #original character #oc writing #writing advice #I SUPPOSE. that feels a presumptive tag but lol #god i am so scared tumblrs gonna eat this lol

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effy-writes · 5 months ago

Text

Addict (Blitzø x Reader)

3: Pilot: Pill

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been about 3 months since you moved it with Blitz/fucked him and Stolas, and ohhh boy Blitz sure does keep reminding you of it. He would always say how much you miss his dick and everytime you go take a shower he’s always like “Showering without me?”

“Yes, Blitz. Showering without you yet again.”

“Oh come on, we saw each other naked before!”

“Yeah a one time thing that I really don’t want to talk about.”

Now, with your addiction, you got away with taking adderal. It doesn't do much, but it's better than being sober. Sometimes whenever the crew goes out to kill, you will leave the office and go find either coke or meth and get high before they all come back. Blitz however, doesn't know that any of this is happening even though you guys been living together for 3 months now.

Blitz walked in front of the whiteboard while you were viciously sweeping the floor due to the amount of energy you had.

"Alright. Now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... Moxxie. Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?"

"What about a car wash?"

"This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay? Wh- Ooh! What about a billboard?"

Moxxie rolled his eyes, "We can't afford a billboard, sir."

"Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?"

Blitz proceeded to turn on the TV, showing everyone assassinating the humans from earth.

"Ahh, those were the good times." Blitz reminisced.

"I don't need any reminding, sir. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel... nobody watches."

"Uh, hey. Excuse me? What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit! Y/n, any ideas?"

You stopped dead in your tracks. "Uh..I don't know. I'm a janitor."

"Useless." Blitz scoffed.

Loona received a call and answered nonchalantly, "I.M.P.", The two talked for a bit and she hung up.

"Colorado. Some guy named Eddie." She flipped a page of the magazine that she's reading.

"Finally." Moxxie said, getting up from his chair and walking towards the portal that Loona opened up.

You continued to sweep and mop the entire floor. Running around and dusting every little thing.

"Blitz isn't here, you can stop working." Loona said, not looking up from her magazine.

"I like to clean, keeps my mind busy."

An hour later you were on the floor, scrubbing the left over gunk with a toothbrush. Loona would occasionally glance at you and roll her eyes.

The door of the room opened up, making you stand up and pretend that you're not cracked out. "Uh, who's this?" You pointed to the boy laying on a stretcher.

"Moxxie was being retarded and shot the wrong person." Blitz huffed.

"I'm sorry, sir! I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target."

"Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie."

"YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d-- DO YOUR JOB!!" He slammed his fist on the table.

"Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay?! She didn't do anything wrooooong~"

"Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful!"

Loona flipped him off before answering the phone. "I.M.P....Blitz! That clingy, rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you! Sounds a little DTF-y."

"Oh, GOD, it was one time! If Y/n and I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world." He crossed his arms.

"...You what?" Moxxie looked disgusted.

"Blitz! What the fuck!?" You walked over to him. "That was supposed to be a secret!"

"Wait," Millie stood up. "You slept with our boss?" She smiled.

"I got sucked into it. Don't want to talk about it."

Blitz put his arm around you, "I don't know, you seem to enjoy it." He teased. You pushed him off and sat down next to Millie.

"Blitzzz answer the phone!" Loona groaned.

Blitz motioned you to come with him to the office to talk to Stolas. At first you shook your head and stayed still. "Dude, he wanted you, not me."

"We're in this together, I don't want to be left alone to talk to him."

You eventually gave in and followed Blitz into his office. He planted himself onto his chair and picked up the phone, "Hey Stolas."

"There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists!"

"Doesn't it?" You replied.

"Well... yes. But, more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here~"

"Okay, well. Yeah, that makes sense." Blitz agreed.

"You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy and Y/n?"

"How come I don't get a nickname?" You joked.

"God-fuckin'-dammit." Blitz said under his breath.

"When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red cock of yours...Y/n fingering me, and me licking all of your cum, before taking out your cock, and fucking Y/n while she’s sucking me with more teeth until she’s screaming daddy like a FUCKING baby--!"

Blitz ended the call, looking traumatized. You on the other hand was laughing your ass off. "Looks like he wants us to fuck him."

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"A little." You snickered.

Blitz broke his phone and blended it.

"Loona!" He shouted.

She entered the office and put her hands on her hip.

"Eat this. And then y'know that bridge over the freeway?"

"Yeah?"

"Shit off it!"

The three walked out of the office, you leaned against the door.

"Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family, and we don't get rid of family." Blitz finished off the conversation from earlier.

"We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!"

You and Blitz exchanged glances. He walked up to the window to change topics. "That is offensive! Without homeless people, I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life!"

"While we're on the subject of "family", can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work? Can't you just hang out with Y/n instead?"

"Come on, sweetie! It's not that big a deal." Millie smiled.

"Excuse me...WHAT?!"

"Y/n and I live together, i'm up her ass as much as I'm up yours."

"You're literally up in my ass." You snorted.

"Just... stop... doing that!" Moxxie said to Blitz, but might as well as say it to you.

Blitz shrugged. "I don't see what the issue is! There somethin' you don't want me seein'?"

"No!"

"You a baby-wiener-haver?"

"Sir, what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!" Moxxie stood up.

"Calm down, Mox! You're gonna have another panic attack!"

"I AM CALM!"

"Shh-shh-shh. There, there."

"Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do outside work hours. So, don't... judge me!" Blitz crossed his arms.

"Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot, actually! Y/n how come you don't stop him?"

"I have no control of what he does."

"Mox, he's our boss!"

"No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... how do I say this without being offensive? ...retarded."

"Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad situationship with Y/n?"

"Moxxie for the last time we're not dating!" You interjected.

"Oh come on! You two are fucking each other, live with each other, and constantly flirting."

"Friends with benefits." You shrugged.

"Y/n has too many problems to date." Blitz stated.

"Fuck you too then! You have more problems than me!"

"At least I'm not a dru-"

"Don't." You gritted your teeth.

"Moxxie, the only reason you have a wife is because you're easy to manage!" Loona looked up from her phone.

Millie slams her hands against the table, "No, he's not, you BITCH!"

"Do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive!" Blitz crossed his arms.

"Yes, I am!"

"You guys are all fucking assholes."

Everyone looked at the kid.

"Oh, shut up, kid! You're lucky to witness this!" Blitz pointed his finger.

"It's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But, now I want that. I want death!"

Eddie pointed to Blitz. "You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns! Even the creepy ones!"

"HA!" You slapped your knee.

"What's up with your teeth?" Eddie laughed, "Looks like you smoke meth, especially with your fucked up skin and the fact that half of your teeth is gone."

You put your hand over your mouth.

"Hey, now! That's not very--"

Eddie interrupted Moxxie, "If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit."

"That's my husband you're talkin' to!" Millie slammed her fist on the table.

"That's your husband?! I figured you for a slut. But, I didn't know you needed dick that bad! And you!" He pointed to Loona.

"What? What about me?"

"Nothing. I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person."

"Wow. Ah, y'know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit." Blitz replied.

Everyone in unison agreed as you tugged on Blitz's sleeve to get his attention. "Are my teeth that bad?" You whispered in a sad voice, opening your mouth ever so slightly.

"Do you want me to be honest or nice?" He whispered back.

"Fuck you."

"Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client! Guess he was the right target after all." Loona smiled.

"Who?"

"Him."

"Me?" Eddie said in disbelief.

"Yup." She said smugly.

"They wanted us to kill an actual child?" Blitz raised his eyebrow.

"That's what they're sayin'."

"...Well, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a God."

Blitz draws a flintlock pistol and fires it at Eddie, resulting in blood splattering everywhere.

"Y/n you're the janitor, go clean it up." Blitz smirked.

"Let me go to the bathroom first." You fast walked into the bathroom and locked the door, pulling out a baggy from your pocket. You poured the adderal onto your hand and brought it to your mouth, swollowing the white pills dry.

You left the bathroom once it kicked in, and cleaned up the mess while the others got rid of Eddie's body.

#helluva boss #cross posted on wattpad #blitz x reader #blitzo x reader #blitzø x reader #tw drugs #i suck at tags

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myers-meadow · 9 months ago

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Dance of Fate: Gaunter O'Dimm x reader

Title: Dance of fate

Pairing: Gaunter O'Dimm x reader

Summary: On Valentine's Day, you receive a mysterious message from Gaunter, who invites you to spend the evening together. A date, he promises. Yet, there's quite a bit he didn't promise you. What motivations could a man like him have for taking such interest in a mortal?

Warnings: none.

Wordcount: 744

For @gauntermetaverse, who inspired this after the very, very kind gift that still haunts my dreams <3.

divider by saradika-graphics.

His words echo in your head. Even when the meaning of them seems straightforward, you know you have to take them apart and not take anything at face value. Who knows what adder is hiding in the grass when it comes to him. And this was... special. An invitation for a date, on Valentine's Day. Despite the nervousness in the pit of your stomach, how could you ever refuse?

The evening came. Questions about what tonight could have in store for you make way for a new reality as you blink and find yourself somewhere you don't know. Magically transported to another place, or perhaps to another plane of existence altogether. Your feet rest on grass, wind caresses your cheeks and pulls at your hair. To your right, there is a cliff of stone, and underneath it; a coast. The sea turns orange and red as the sun sinks below the horizon. In the distance you see other cliffs, white, regal and still, as if haphazardly carved from marble. A few seagulls screech in the air above. You can't place where you are, but somehow it feels like something from your childhood, hauntingly familiar. Would this be where you'd finally meet the man who has quietly dwelled in your heart for so long?

"How nice of you to join me." He speaks gently, but still it makes you startle. Looking inland, you see him, hands clasped, standing a few metres away. Beside him, lays a checkered blanket. He's prepared an actual date, you think with surprise. Somehow you didn't think he'd follow those mortal conventions, of having a picnic date.

"Thank you for the invitation," you counter, stepping closer to him.

"Shall we?" he gestures to the blanket and sits down, legs crossed. Somewhere behind him is a basket (did he just conjure it up?), he reaches in and retrieves a bottle of wine and two glasses. You sink down next to him. The blanket is rough as you lean on your palms. The sensation grounds you. Is this place real? You pluck a few blades of grass and examine them closer. They seem real enough. Fall apart between your fingers as you tear off piece by piece, before discarding it and turning your intention back to the man in front of you.

"Where is this place?"

"Somewhere I thought you'd like. I said it'd be somewhere quiet, did I not?"

"I imagined your realm to be more... hm, sinister?"

Gaunter laughs. He sets the glasses down, it's a little wobbly on the blanket, so you reach out to hold them steady. He uncorks the bottle with a satisfying pop. Wine pours in the glasses, a deep red. Each taking one of the glasses, they clink together in a silent toast, and you take a sip. The sourness quickly makes way for a deep velvet aftertaste. A moment passes. The atmosphere is calm, yet you get the sense Gaunter, who took you here, has barely hidden intentions hidden beneath the amicable surface. You shift to a more comfortable position and look out over the sea.

"I was rather surprised by your message. What made you think to invite me? Especially on a day like Valentine's?"

"It seemed only fitting to have a proper moment, just the two of us. Don't you agree?" He takes a moment. A glimmer in his eye makes you pause. "After all, it was you who took such a liking to me, in a way."

You hum, your fingers again reaching to pluck at the grass.

He easily picks up on your discomfort. "Nothing to be embarrassed about! I'm flattered."

"Of course you are," you huff, yet you can't suppress a grin.

He takes another sip of wine, swirling it around in his glass as he regards you. His gaze pierces soul-deep. "My invitation has more than one reason, frankly. First; I just wanted to meet you, in person. To offer you a glint of the very real powers I possess, of the possibilities I could turn into reality. And second; I'd like to tempt you."

You cock your head to the side, to tell him to keep going.

He sets down his glass, fingers walking their way over to your knee, tapping it lightly. "Who would I be not to try and make a deal with someone as delightful as you? What do you say? Any life-long wishes I could make true for you? Surely you've considered it before."

#gaunter o'dimm #gaunter o'dimm x reader #gaunter o'dimm x you #gaunter odimm #the witcher 3 fanfiction #the witcher 3 wild hunt #gaunter odimm x reader #gaunter odimm x you #the witcher 3 #witcher 3 #tw3 #meadow's writing #writing hasnt come easy the past months... it feels like my writing style is changing. very interesting!#there are a few other little pieces I've started for O'Dimm and I hope to finish those sometime soon too!#but sadly i cant promise anything; for writing is a fickle beast and we are not always good friends ;;

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velnica · 8 months ago

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Lv. 60 — The Ballad of Oblivion (part 1)

Here we go again! After 84 years I am finally ready to finish the Heavensward bard questline. Continues on from A Saint of Song.

So of course we find Sanson waiting near Moglin. And of course the stubborn arse of a bard has yet to return. Sanson reverts back to 'Guydelot isn't dependable' anymore, after pining for however long the trek was from Tailfeather to here.

Okay now this bit is totally not canon in my book because why tf would you go back to Gridania when you have a perfect airport in Ishgard? And Sea of Clouds is under Ishgard's jurisdiction, it's probably more prudent to go there and hitch a shorter ride.

Anyway I'm going to ignore this in my own headcanon as Fjora has a standing with Ishgard and either the Haillenarte or the Fortemps would be able to spare a spot on an airship that's bound for Cloudtop, no questions asked.

I accidentally clicked here so I didn't catch the bit where Mogta said he's spoken to Guydelot, oops. Anyway of course Mr Dramatic Bard is hiding on the bloody peak of the mountain, the one with the selfsame view that Sanson wanted to show him. Of course. They're far too alike actually, and both of them are quite literally staring at the same sky and wishing for the same thing—for Guydelot's return but no, the leading man is still moping.

Melynor I give you permission to peck his stubborn skull

Why yes he did, because he cared about you, dummy.

This journal will be passed on from generations to generations of bard. It's their bible and origin story rolled into one. Nobody talks about the lovesick scribbles around the margin, and if anyone does, one of the bard veterans is ready to smack the back of their heads.

BECAUSE HE IS GUYDELOT.

God this bit is one of my favourite, when Guydelot FINALLY admits that he was wrong. He's going through the exact same motion Sanson did, where he initially thought the worst of Guydelot and then realised that he was more than what he appeared—his talent was not just a show, and he was honourable and sensitive and is a steadfast ally in combat. Guydelot here finally realised that Sanson wasn't at all about currying favours with the brass, he truly believed in the power of song and he wants to cultivate that old belief again.

They've both learned, rather painfully perhaps, that they both fell for their prejudices and the need to learn to communicate and meet in the middle if this plan was to succeed.

Something something Pride and Prejudice.

Both of them look SO DEJECTED when they realise they'd done wrong by the other. Absolute mirrors.

And the humility that he's shown here. He was all about running off by himself and doing whatever he wants, and if Sanson gets annoyed then all the better, but now he doesn't think he has the right to this quest anymore. He knew he had a good thing going and he fucked it up.

Yeah they absolutely should have just gone from Ishgard, idk why Sanson would want to beg the Adders for even more resources here when they were loath to give him any in the first place. Probably the least believable thing in this entire questline lmao.

Will be continued in Part 2!

#sanson smyth #guydelot thildonnet #guydesan #bard boys #heavensward bard quest #the humility from Guydelot here #he's grown!#he realises he cares about what Sanson thinks!#and that he's fucked it all up #and maybe for the very first time #he feels retrospective about himself and how he acts #ffxiv

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pastafossa · 5 months ago

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hi pasta! ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧

random question but

is there anything you're really interested in learning about that serves no purpose? something that doesn't involve your job/your writing here?

for example i love learning about space. my job has absolutely nothing to do with anything space related, but i have a bunch of random knowledge on space. i never really talk about this interest just because it really doesn't serve any purpose in my life. Also because no one wants to listen to me talk about space all day lmao

im curious about other people's random interests! i'd love to hear about yours ♥︎

i hope you're doing okay in this heat!! much ♥︎ from cali

I've managed to survive the heat dome and we were FINALLY cooler today, thank you! I basically hid in my house all week. 😂 Also as someone born in Cali, much love from me to you back there!

And OOOH this is a fun question - but first YES TO SPACE! I always love seeing pics off the Hubble telescope of galaxies and stars, and space is so delightfully, wonderfully chaotic and weird and colorful! I can totally see why you'd be deep into it!

Also yeah I'm the exact same way, I definitely have a couple things I like learning about that have nothing to do with work or writing here.

THREE QUICK PASTA SPECIAL INTERESTS:

Dinosaurs Dinosaurs DINOSAURS! 🦕🦖 I adore dinosaurs! They serve no purpose in my day-to-day but I fucking LOVE them, have since I was a kid. Two random fun facts: this is what the T Rex might have actually sounded like and it's honestly way more eerie than the Jurassic Park roar imo (for best effect, headphones on, skip to the 5:30 mark if you just want to hear the sound), and also there is a new dinosaur recently discovered that they just named after Loki from the Marvel movies because of his horns: Lokiceratops rangiformis!

General animal knowledge! Do I need to know that you can swim through a blue whale's blood vessels? Or that the only native venomous snake in Scotland is the adder? Or that some species of tarantula will keep frogs as pets because the frogs eat all the lil pest bugs too small for the tarantula to get rid of? No. No, I don't need to know any of it, and yet I find it DELIGHTFUL, ANIMALS ARE SO FUN, I LOVE THEM SM.

Greek mythology! I grew up watching Xena as a lil kid and that got me SO into Greek mythology and I just dived into it, and still love it! Some of the stories are heartbreaking (looking at you, Orpheus and Eurydice), some romantic, some are hilarious, and some are just a big ol bundle of WTF. Zeus is often the cause of that last one, but sometimes it's also a guy who has the bright idea to kill his son and feed the son's body to the Gods to see if they really know everything, real smooth, especially since his son is Zeus's fucking grandson. That went over real well (narrator: it did not, in fact, go over real well).

#i have no reason to know anything about these three really but i love them anyway #three potential jobs i wanted as a kid that just didn't work out:#paleontologist. zoologist. or 'person who talks about greek mythology' which i figured must be a job somewhere #and though I have none of those jobs the interests have never left me

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whotookmysenbon · 8 months ago

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You've mentioned wisteria and deathcaps so far, so I'm guessing you're more a fan of plant-based toxins than animal- and metal-based ones like what Suna uses. Do you have a favorite to work with?

Ohohoh. Finally, a good fucking ask. Yes! I use mostly plant and fungus based poisons rather than metallic animal sourced poisons. This is for a variety of reasons. I'll break it down by type. (Editing note, throwing this under a read more cut because I got carried away and wrote an essay. Ino says it's rude to clog people's feeds with unwanted ridiculously long posts.)

Metallic poisons.

These are rare in Konoha because of the elements needed to make these poisons. Suna uses them occasionally but mostly it's Iwa and Kumo that are known for their metallic poisons. I don't use them because they're almost impossible for a cloak and dagger assassin like myself to use reliably. I'd be better off just dumping a bucket of acid on someone. They take weeks or even months to show symptoms, but once it's there you aren't stopping it. Metallic poisoning is almost always a 100% fatality. Lead, Chromium, Arsenic, those are all used in infiltration assassinations. The long plan, make it look like an accident type. Although, there was a case in Suna a while back about the Kazekage's brother nearly being taken out by a fast acting Mercury based poison, so I guess there are exceptions. You have to be careful with that though, because it is impossible to build up a resistance to metallic poisons. There is no antidote, no cure other than ripping the poison from the body via either extreme dilution or a prodigiously skilled medical nin.

Animal sourced poisons and venoms

These actually used to be Konoha's calling card, in the second shinobi war. Our huge centipedes are still used for venom occasionally when we want to make an example out of someone and make it clear Konoha did this. There's a problem with them though. The lesser problem is most animal venoms and poisons, while extremely fast acting, are curable with an antivenom or antidote. Still, with how fast they work it's pretty easy to circumvent that. It's not like puff-adder or water cobra antivenoms are included in field kits. No, the real reason this is far more rarely used is because the last real animal sourced poisons expert was Orochimaru. He used poison in everything in the second shinobi war and it kinda became one of his signatures. Then he passed the mantle of venom specialist onto Anko (who still technically holds that title to this day but rarely uses it) and retired to work on his ninjutsu and medical studies and we alllllll know how that ended up. Long story short, venoms and animal based poisons like from frogs and whatnot are far, far more heavily regulated because of how Orochimaru used them (which is stupid, a weapon is a weapon, it bears no hold on the wielder) and a pain to get ahold of unless a mission specifically requests it. So despite Konoha's surplus of venomous giant insects and tree snakes and home to the whole poisonous insect division with the Aburame, we tend to shy away from those stuff. (Except in war time, in which anything goes and if the only thing I have to tip my senbon in is rubbing them on the backs of whatever brightly colored frog I find, I'm gonna use it.)

Plant based poisons:

My specialty! Plant and fungal poisons are many, and easy to misdiagnose. Really fucking easy. Oh you have a fever and some stomach pain? You think you have a cold SIKE IT WAS SHROOMS AND YOUR FUCKIN DEAD-

And! With the forest of death and Lord First's leftover chakra absolutely everywhere, Konoha is great for growing poisonous plants. I personally prefer hemlock and nightshade because they get the job done fairly quickly, and are easy to slip into food. But when I get to have a little more fun with the target... Datura is hilarious, especially when mixed with wisteria. Because what's more fun than killing some asshole in cold blood, when you can make that same asshole wander in circles for three hours screeching at hallucinations and shitting himself and then choking on his own blood. Anyways. There's my little expose. Oh! Chakra poisons are also a thing, but nobody knows what the fuck they are or how to counter them really. Mostly the Aburame are familiar with them and hate them because it kills their freaky bugs.

#genma shiranui #anbu genma shiranui #poisons! Yay!#This is the reason I don't teach genin #there is zero room for error until they've demonstrated their capable of basic things #like not getting themselves killed by overdosing when they should be building their immunities #Or stealing bites of my food only to end up needing CPR because I like yew and hemlock greens #not my fault you've yet to finish building your resistance but you really should be able to recognize these by now #also #I point blank refuse to teach kids assassination techniques unlike SOME people (kakashi)#So while I might be good with kids to a degree #and a decent teacher #My skillset is just not meant for genin to learn

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luckyspacecadet · 9 months ago

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Final Alpha Strike game until Friday.

Ran an intro game for someone that's CBT stan but needs to help organise an AS event in March, so tutorial game ahoy!

I brought a Fire Star consisting of a Mad Dog, Summoner, Stormcrow, Shadow cat, and Adder.

They brought a Battle Lance with a King Crab, 2x Cataphracts, and a Catapult. Ah Liao...

Anyway, Adder sacrificed itself to put two full point blank blasts in the King Crabs back, meanwhile the Shadow Cat spent most the game doing nothing because a through armour crit hit my Movement after I walked into some woods.

Stormcrow was a Champion and overheated twice to blow up a Catapult and King Crab! Hell yeah!

Mad Dog spent the game providing long range fire support with a nice Long Range Master + Sniper combo with lance bonus + SPA.

And the Summoner pulled aggro into the centre very effectively before being critted to smithereens.

I love the Stormcrow in Alpha Strike now. A 5/5/2 damage profile with OV2 to really punch people in the face is ASTOUNDING and rolling 14 dice on a full overheat is SATISFYING. (Using multiple attack rolls)

Mad Dog I'm also enjoying with both the Prime and being an LRM sniper and The A Variant with SRM3/3 to inferno people into high hell.

Anyway' fingers crossed I'm getting some printed tanks soon so I'll be fielding some harrassing long range tanks.

#battletech #mechwarrior #miniatures #tabletop miniatures #wargaming #mech #tabletopminiatures #miniature wargaming #tabletop wargaming #alpha strike

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sezja · 10 months ago

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Febuwhump Day 1: Helpless Alternate 9: Lightning Strike Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV Characters/Ship: Sanson Smyth/Guydelot Thildonnet Triggers/Content warnings: Brontophobia

"I thought the Sylphs'd cured their tempered," Guydelot says - quietly, though it nearly startles Sanson out of his skin, all the same. "So what's all this about primal activity out here?"

You couldn't have asked before we left Gridania, of course, Sanson grouses to himself, shaking his head in reply; the Sylphlands are alarmingly quiet. He fears the reason why - anyone raised in the Twelveswood comes to know that the absence of birdsong, insects, and beasts is cause for alarm... and the Sylphlands are alarmingly empty of Sylphs.

They'd found Little Solace abandoned, with the lamps still alight. None of the conjurers or Wailers stationed there were anywhere to be seen, nor did anyone at the Hawthornes' report seeing anything out of the ordinary; it had been a soldier sent to relieve a sentry at Little Solace who had reported finding it empty...

And then, the same day, a Skywatcher reported storms brewing above the Sylphlands.

It could be a coincidence, Sanson thinks, moving carefully through the violet grass. The air feels charged - Guydelot's hair sticks out at odd angles in the heavy static. It could be a coincidence... but almost certainly isn't.

The rest of the unit is working through way through the rest of the vast lands held by the Sylphs, seeking evidence that a primal has been summoned. In the old days, the task would have fallen to the Scions, but with the group disbanded - officially disbanded - and the fear of tempering greatly diminished, the Order of the Twin Adder had seen no reason to delay until one of Eorzea's heroes could see to the task; not when Sanson and his unit still had warding scales. It made them the perfect choice to seek out the primal.

"You are to determine the truth of these rumors," his orders went, "and report back. Do not engage the primal under any circumstances."

"Reckon they'll call Eve to deal with it?" Guydelot speaks again - no matter how quietly the bard speaks, it sounds thunderous to Sanson's ears in the eerie silence. "Why not let us take a shot at it, eh? The threat was always tempering-"

"Will you please be quiet," Sanson hisses, but Guydelot only grins.

"Easy, Chief." He's still got his bow in his hands as they walk, strung and with an arrow loose in the string. "I've got my eyes and ears open."

If you could but keep your mouth shut, Sanson thinks, but fondly; there's no one else he'd rather be this deep in the Sylphlands with - it's no fault of Guydelot's that his nerves are frayed. No, it's the threat of a primal again, when this very trouble was meant to be over. They'd strengthened their accord with the Sylphs, who had never posed a tremendous threat in recent years to begin with; why now...

Guydelot freezes, and trusting his bard's instincts, Sanson does the same, reaching for his lance. "Guydelot?"

But the bard holds up a hand, silencing him now, listening intently.

Sanson does the same, holding his breath.

Silence. That same deep, unnatural silence.

"I know I heard something," Guydelot whispers, frowning. "I-"

And then the air fills with white-hot pain.

Lightning.

Sanson is flung back by the strike, slamming hard into a tree; winded, he sprawls gracelessly on the ground. Not a direct hit, thank the Matron, but a damned near thing: the ground where he and Guydelot stood still sizzles, aetheric lightning dancing across the ground in violet arcs.

He looks for Guydelot. Swearing, the bard staggers to his feet where he, too, was tossed aside by the heat and force of the lightning strike.

"The hells was-"

"A warning, if I'm not mistaken," Sanson says, climbing shakily to his feet. "They'd no need to miss us." His own words chill him. "Rather.... he had no need to miss us."

Ramuh.

#my writing #febuwhump #febuwhump2024 #sanson smyth #guydelot thildonnet #THIS ONE'S TO BE CONTINUED #very late in the month but tO BE CONTINUED NONETHELESS

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emmaelt · 11 days ago

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On being diagnosd with AUDHD

It’s so unbelievable. I’m learning so much about myself this year, I keep joking I’m having an ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ year but it’s just ‘Body, Brain’. Maybe there's another B I'll find before the year is out.

With perspective, I don’t think I’ve really ever had depression - the only antidepressant I’ve tried is one that works best for ADHD people and now I know that that’s me it makes sense! - I think I’ve had meltdowns, burnout, and sensory issues the entire time? And I just always (tried to) push through and do my best but it’s never really gotten any better for me and my brain.

But now it’s like my entire life has been foggy and blurry and I’ve got glasses! Like my mum's story about getting glasses as a child and realising the trees have leaves from far away, or looking up and seeing actual stars. I feel like that’s what Adderal has done to me this week. But not just with being able to finally have a singular thought, but also in terms of day to day stuff that used to be actually painful for me.

I can put my clothes away now without crying first? And I still get sensory issues with stacking the dishwasher, but I don’t need to like psyche myself up for it as much. I’m not constantly narrating my own actions or having like an internal debate about every single fucking thing I have to do? The Autism stuff is still there - I’m reading this really fascinating book called ‘Unmasking Autism’ by Dr Devon Price that's really fucking me up (in a good way). But now that I know why I find things difficult, I can ask for things I need. I'm beginning to understand my own needs after supressing them for so long.

I went to the hygienist earlier in the month, and for the first time in my entire life I did not cry in my car from overstimulation after because I wore earplugs and had my noise cancelling headphones? And when I booked my haircut (first in over a year!) I told them I’d get overwhelmed and I don’t like wet hair on my neck and I’d wear headphones/earplugs, and the lovely person said if it was too loud they’d do it upstairs where it was much quieter! Who knew that I could ask for things I need, and most people would accomodate me?

I also am starting to let people know when I’m talking to them that I’m audhd and they seem to like me more? I don’t know, that one’s hard to explain, but the book I mentioned says that phenomenon is backed by experiments and research?

My brain is just 100 miles an hour but all going in the same direction now instead of bouncing about in a chamber like atoms or something. I can follow one cohesive thought from the moment I have it. Difficult (bad/negative/troubling/intrusive) thoughts are harder right now, because I can't distract myself from them as well.

So far on the meds - I know that my body always overreacts to meds/is more sensitive, so we started at a really low dose and even so, wow. I was more productive on Sunday afternoon (first dose at 6am that day) than I had been for the entirety of October. I currently have 0 unread emails and it’s revolutionary for me. My husband actually made me take a break because he didn’t want me to burn out, but even so I went to bed 4 hours later than normal… getting maybe 7 hours of sleep from my usual 10 I require is quite a difference for me - and I woke up at 5am Monday ready to go? Who is she?!?!

My brother said he feels that starting meds later in life compounded its positive impacts, as he developed so many coping mechanisms he wound't have otherwise. He said it was like going from 85% effective (70% base + 15% coping mechanisms) to 115%.

I’m so glad he feels that way, but I think maybe he has much lower support needs than I do, maybe because I’m both autistic and ADHD? I would have taken this medication over all of my struggling to learn how to barely manage (not thrive, I feel) any day. I feel like I’ve only ever had maybe 40% effectiveness, even with coping mechanisms. Even with being from an extremely privileged background, being highly educated, and really fucking smart.

How are other people without those things expected to manage?! None of my friends are even able to be seen on the NHS, as their GP's won't even refer them. I’m trying to not feel really devastatingly bad that I’m having such a different experience than them.

I was fortunate enought to have a parent who was proactive, she took me to like a new child psychologist or educational therapist every year when I was at primary school. They diagnosed me with dyslexia, but actually I’m hyperlexic. I eventually got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I got medicated. But it never got better.

It took me 10 different private attempts (8 before I turned 18, 2 since), and the Doctor who diagnosed me with ADHD said I was ‘very clearly over the line for both inattentive and hyperactivity’. I’m really struggling with that because… I’ve got better coping mechanisms now? How could they not tell???? Well, they didn't acknowledge you could be both autistic and adhd until 2013 or something ridiculous, and girls were so rarely diagnosed with autism in the 2000's - so it makes sense I went undiagnosed. I’m really frustrated for my mum, because she spent so much time and effort trying to help me. But there was genuinely nothing she could have done.

Having context for my experiences along with this medication has been life altering... I feel I’ve unlocked my brain’s actual potential and I’m so devastated for past me that I wasn’t able to make the most of my younger years to be this version of me. I found everything so hard for so long... it's going to be really interesting to see what my life looks like from now on.

#audhd #adhd #autism #adhd meds #actually autistic #emmaelt

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nowoyas · 2 years ago

Text

Edible Arrangements 29

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: y'all the new op. the new op. I'm Unwell. The new op. asdkjfhdsjh

Chapter Summary: Winter break begins. You and Izuku spiral separately together.

Warnings: mmmm I don't think there's any this time around!

Word Count: ~3100 words

Exams and presentations arrive without another thought. You’ll end the semester with better grades than you’ve seen in your lifetime—as it shakes out, you do better in school without the constant stress of finances and other bullshit looming over your head. And, as a final hurrah, on the last day of exams, you have your in-class presentation with Neito.

It’s easy. It’s nothing that hasn’t been rehearsed. It’s actually more difficult for you to successfully keep your tone level through the conversation than it is to provide the information. (You don’t have fun. You won’t admit to something like that.)

When it’s said and done and you’re freed from this particular ethics course, you linger in the hall, waiting for Neito. He’s not long after you, talking with some of his perfectly poised friends in the class and carrying his laptop under one arm and a Hydroflask in his free hand. When he sees you, he waves them off and slips over to you, expression dropping from casual liar to polite smiles.

“I hope you know how uncomfortable I am with this.”

You shrug as he passes over the Hydroflask. “That’s fine. It’s out of your hands now.”

“What do you even need holy water for? You don’t intend—“

“Heard it was more hydrating than regular water,” you quip. “I wanted to test it.”

He levels a flat look your way. “Really?”

You snicker and slide the container carefully into your bookbag. “Yeah, totally. If not, I bet it’ll burn like alcohol on the way down.”

“Yeah, I doubt you’re really trying that. But then, what are you doing?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?”

“…I take it you’re not going to answer me, then.”

You hum. “Sounds about right. Thank you for this, by the way. I know it was super risky for you to even be transporting it.”

“Not to mention for Ibara to get it. I had to convince her to wear gloves with some lie about it touching her skin tainting the water. I didn’t want to chance the possibility that touching the water at all would do to her like it did you.”

That idea catches your interest. “Want me to test it?”

“Absolutely not! You already nearly died. Your vampire would end my life if he even thought that—“

You laugh. ��It’ll be fine. I’ll dip a finger of my other hand in later and let you know if it’s the thrall mark or just the whole body that’s sensitive. Worth noting, my burns don’t seem to have any splash marks where the holy water got away from the mark, and it’s not like your guys’ aim was accurate, so solid evidence lending itself to it just being the mark.” You slide your hands into your pockets. You still can’t wear long sleeves. (You’re rather looking forward to spending some time indoors, away from people staring at your arm.) “Anyways, thanks again. If I do test the holy water, I’ll let you know how it goes before I hand it over.”

“Hand it over? Who’s this for, anyway?”

You shrug and disappear down the Uni halls. This fight isn’t yours to tell.

“What’re you up to? You’re going to ruin your eyes like that.”

Izuku drags his eyes away from the screen. “I think being a vampire makes me immune to needing glasses, actually.”

“Tenya needs his, though.” (You hope that means something. He’d look great in glasses.)

“He must have had them before being turned, then.” He smiles and leans back to look up at you properly. “Did you need something?”

You shake your head. “I’m bored and curious. You’ve been focusing hard for a while now…”

“Just… tracking, I guess. There’s been more signs of the Death Adder lately. I think he’s getting closer to the city.”

You look him over with pity. He really does look tired. The past few nights, you’ve fallen asleep without him and woken up without him—you’re sure, at some point, he’s moved you or joined you in bed for a few short hours, but more and more your waking hours are spent alone. The bags under his eyes run deep, hair even messier than normal.

He gives you everything. You can’t let him run himself into the ground like this, tentatively immortal or no. You must give him something in return.

He told you not to get involved, though…

“Can you come take a nap with me? Even just lay down?”

“You want to sleep? It’s the middle of the day.”

You smile sheepishly. “Well, I don’t, but I want you to sleep. If it’s like, too much to ask for you to come sleep with me, then of course you can forget I asked, but, you know, it’s—“

It’s the first time you’ve outright asked for it since the incident, and it shows in the heat in your cheeks and the pink on his. “I don’t need the rest. But, if you think it’d make you comfier, I mean, I could—“

“Only if you want to—“

He nods, and you nod, and both of you nod until he’s coming with you to nap on top of the covers of his bed, where Sbeve (the little pain) is curled up in the dead center of the bed.

It’s harder to ease into when it’s not one of you half-asleep and the other already there. You don’t worry about cuddling up to a sleeping Izuku or a sad Izuku because then you don’t have to worry about the closeness of it, just the effects—your better sleep, his improving mood. Like this, you’re both red-faced and stammering as you climb into bed and maneuver around the kitten.

When all’s said and done, you find yourself the big spoon, holding Izuku close. He’s tired, you can tell in the weight of each movement. He clearly hasn’t been sleeping enough.

If this is what it takes to get him to rest awhile, you’ll do it without a second thought. Anything to make him happier, and healthier, anything for him.

God, I really am whipped. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he enthralled me to serve him.

That thought has you freezing, slowly looking down at the mess of curls atop his head. He’s not asleep yet, you don’t think. But what if he…?

“You okay?” He glances up at you with concern. “Y-you got really still all of a sudden.”

“Sorry. I just… crazy question. You haven’t, like…”

“Mm?”

“You promise you’ve never enthralled me, right?”

He lifts his head, shifts to stare you dead in the eyes. Your heart sinks in preparation to see him glow.

“[name]. I am never doing that to you, okay? You are your own person. I don’t want to control you or hurt you.”

He’s not glowing, and that’s a relief, but then you remember Yo, and the feeling of finding out that someone had been lying to you for the first time.

“Y-you didn’t say you hadn’t, though…”

“I have never enthralled you. I will never enthrall you. No lies, see?”

You nod, feeling the weight slip away. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Lie to me, just to check?”

“I want to remove your agency and trap you here.”

A glow.

You heave a sigh and pull him back in close to you. “Okay. Sorry. I just scared myself.”

“What brought that on?”

“Nothing important,” you mumble, bringing a hand up to pet him. How could you begin to tell him that? Oh, yeah, sorry, Izuku. I just want to give my world to you so much that for a moment I thought I was under the influence of something like mind control. Don’t read into that too much!

He doesn’t press it, and you don’t elaborate, and he sighs into your chest and falls into rest.

Izuku doesn’t want you to get involved. You know that.

And yeah, you don’t want to confront a serial killer. That would be dangerous! And scary! And bring up past traumas you’re trying hard not to let control your life! But…

Okay, so you’re not getting involved. Skimming news headlines during your downtime (which you find yourself with a lot of now that your university’s on winter break) hardly counts as chasing a serial killer. Glancing at Izuku’s corkboards when he’s out and about or in a meeting or working out downstairs isn’t the same thing as consuming yourself in research. And really, researching vampires in your spare time is just better informing yourself of the situation—it’s no different than when you sought out books on vampires to read back when you first moved in! You’re simply doing what you need to to stay safe. News is important! World events are important! You should know when things like strings of murders are happening around you and drawing closer!

And man, there’s a lot of information to keep track of every day. It’d be weird if you didn’t write it down, right? You wouldn’t want to forget everything!

Anyways, it doesn’t count as getting involved. No, not even if you now have a notebook quickly filling with notes on vampires and tracking movement patterns. Izuku doesn’t want you getting involved, and this doesn’t count, so you’re not getting involved.

No, you’re just delving into research. It’s pre-research to figure out what you’ll do for your senior capstone project next year, that’s all! Vampirism is a quirk, and—

Oh, who are you kidding. You’re glowing so bright even the layman could tell you were lying.

Between the “definitely not hunting a serial killer” and the “actually getting really into researching and theorizing about what vampirism is” you nearly lose complete track of time. Mina and Tsuyu and Izuku have to coax you out of the house—though, to be fair, you’re also coaxing Izuku. These days, he’s consumed with his own research. He does stuff for his online classes in the morning, and by noon, he hasn’t moved from his chair, just changed tabs to news sites, forums, and the like. He worries you.

(You worry him, too.)

He’s progressed to the point where you have to set reminders to drag him away from his computer for things like sunlight and air away from his work, and usually, you find him gray-faced and dead-eyed in that little dark room, muttering to himself, when you do. On this day, trying to pry your mind away from the general depression and stress of impending holiday celebrations, you find him the same way: lights dim, door shut, and Izuku, nearly unblinking, fangs worrying his lower lip as he looks through some document that, at a glance, appears complex and dubiously legal.

“’Zuku.”

He doesn’t look away or even respond. He’s talking to himself, fast and low and impossible to follow. If his state these days wasn’t scaring you, you’d ask him to speak up, or sit there and listen. But it’s been too long since he last drank from you, and he doesn’t even seem to have noticed the absence.

“Dr. Midoriya?” you try again, hoping his name and title might drag him away.

Still nothing. Except for the barely-there movement of his lips, he doesn’t even seem to move or breathe. Dragging him to bed with you every night just to get him to rest is one thing, but…

You bite your lip. “Izuku?”

When still he barely even seems to notice you, your last bit of will breaks. You’re crossing the room in an instant, stride purposeful. He doesn’t notice you come up, and in fact has no reaction at all until you’re moving his chair and slinging a leg to pull yourself onto his lap.

And oh, there’s a reaction. Eyes wide, cheeks flushed, Izuku stammering and stunned. You’ll file his expression away for later use, but for now, you settle on his lap with a firm look. “Izuku. You’re losing yourself.”

“[n-name], I—“

“I know that this is important to you, Zuzu, but you have to take your mind off it for a moment.”

“I… I can’t just…”

You cup his cheeks in both hands, meeting his eyes firmly. “I get it. I promise, I do. But you’re not infallible. You’re a vampire, but you still have to drink. Do you even remember the last time you fed?”

He racks his brain for the answer, you can see it in the pout that instinctively reaches his lips. His hands have settled heavy on your hips, a support you’re glad to have with the awkward positioning. “U-um… was it—“

“Ten days ago, Izuku. It’s been well over a week since you fed, and you took less than usual the time before that, too.”

“Oh.” His eyes roam to your neck. You think he understands that it’s true when he sees that the most recent set of bite marks has already faded significantly.

“Yeah. Oh.”

“So this is what we’re doing. You’re going to take a long drink. You’re going to go until I’m dizzy, and then a bit more because you’re underfed. Probably you’re going to have to care for me for a bit until we’re sure I’m okay to move around again. You are going to take a long, hot shower, brush your teeth, and wash your face. I’ll make your hair look presentable again. And then, after that? We are going to go get coffee and go book shopping and get out of the house, because honestly? Neither of us have been out nearly enough this month.”

A sheepish smile flicks across his face. “It’s not that far into the month, is it?”

“Izuku. It’s December twenty-first.”

“O-oh. Really?”

“Yes, really. I checked before I came in here. Do you even know when your students submit things late these days?”

“I’ve actually got a TA for the abbreviated winter semester. She’s a gem, she’s handling all the grading and updates so I can focus on—“

You let out a dry laugh, dropping your forehead onto his shoulder. “You mean you haven’t even been working in the mornings? I thought that was at least what you were up to. I could have been bothering you to take care of your body at any time of day—“

He laughs, smooths a hand up your spine. The sensation brings a shiver. “Sorry. I should have mentioned I got a TA.”

“What you should have done is taken a break from the computer. I know you get focused, but seriously. Focus on the matter at hand. We’ll start with you biting my neck.”

“Y-you always have to phrase things like—“

“I know, I know, get biting.” You lift your head from his shoulder and tilt for access. As always, he adjusts your posture, shuffles you further up his lap both for postures’ sake and to secure you.

He smiles softly, lets out one of those little half-laughs that have your heart melting. “You keep me sharp.”

You cock a smile his way. “Well, it’d hurt a hell of a lot to get bit with dull fangs.”

He sinks in his teeth. You can pull him back.

It’s at the shopping center, Izuku clean and fluffy, you looking stupid with a winter coat worn on only one arm, that the thought occurs to you.

You don’t know whether Izuku celebrates any holidays.

You can’t ask him about it. That’d be too obvious. But you can’t just not get him something, right? Could you do something for it? You don’t celebrate anymore, but—

“You’ve been staring at that book a while. Should we get it?”

Your eyes snap away from the title you’d picked up—it’s some random holiday romance, nothing particular interesting to you. Really, it looks like someone attempted a novelization of a Hallmark movie and actually got published with it, which is honestly just impressive. You’d kill to see how they pitched it without making it obvious that it’s the same recycled small-town-guy, big-city-girl plot they show twenty times a day on the Hallmark channel this time of year.

“Nah, just getting lost in thought.” You slide the book back onto the shelf carefully. “We should get something for Sbeve while we’re out. Can we stop at the pet store after this? If it’s okay?”

“Yeah, of course!”

The redirection has him talking about what the kitten did the other day during your exams, and you listen, soothed to know your plan to get him away from the house is helping. The pair of you wander through the store, and when his story is finished—you laughing at all the right parts—you smile his way. “I can’t believe we’ve already been living together for three months. Or that it’s only been three months.”

“Yeah,” he breathes, smiling back at you. “The house feels a lot warmer thanks to you.”

You bump your shoulder into his, cheeks heating. He can’t mean it that way. “Well, I am pretty hot.”

He laughs, and you break off into looking at more books. As you pick up one with an interesting-looking title, you continue to speak. “Did you want to do anything for New Year’s, by the way? I think several people want us to host.”

“I’d be okay with that! It’s kind of fun, having so many people over. I haven’t been to a New Year’s party in years, though.”

“I skipped the past few years,” you offer idly. “I guess I’m the kind of person the party has to come to if I’m going to go at all? It’s a wonder Mina hangs around me.”

“You’re a fun person, though. I’m sure she can see that even if you don’t party like she does.”

Boring. You shelve the book, pick up another. “Thanks for saying so. Still, if you’re okay with hosting, we could start organizing it once we’re home…?”

And oh, isn’t that plan perfect? Izuku can’t leave you to organize alone. He knows you get stressed to hell even trying. More to pull him away, more to keep him close, more to hold his mind to shore. Part of you feels dirty for this. Part of you knows it’s necessary.

You won’t pull him away from something so important to him. But you’ll anchor him until it’s the right time for him to set off.

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