#i'm autistic and socially inept

[pippin-katz]

“We knew that if Taylor and Nick didn’t feel safe, we would never have gotten that scene out of them.”

I've reread this interview a couple times, and the last sentence hit me differently. My entire chest expanded. I’ve been blabbering on and on about Taylor and Nicholas having to do intimate choreography, and it still blows me away that they did, but that comment is so sweet.

They felt safe. They felt safe with each other. They felt safe with Matthew and Robbie. They were able to perform the most beautiful and romantic sex scene I’ve ever witnessed because they felt safe.

I can't stress the use of the word "safe" enough.

It's impossible to know what they were thinking while filming, but I can imagine that they occasionally got those instinctive nerves, but they were able to keep filming because they trusted each other that much. They could think to themselves: "he's got me".

That is the sweetest, most wholesome thing ever.

Nicholas and Taylor are such close friends and care so much about each other that they're able to do this kind of scene. They know the other would never do anything to make them uncomfortable. They have to be completely vulnerable, but they're okay with that because they trust each other that much. That is such an incredible friendship, and a truly special bond.

It also occurred to me that that trust and safety they felt is probably part of why it feels as intimate as it does. The point of the scene is to show how far Alex and Henry have come in their relationship that they trust each other to do that.

Henry’s unable to “belong to someone else” except for a moment, and he has fallen so in love and trusts Alex so much to give himself to him in literally the most intimate way possible, even if it’s temporary. Alex has never done any of this before, considering he hadn’t truly considered his bisexuality before Henry, and obviously hasn’t had this kind of sex, but he feels comfortable enough with Henry to tell him that he’s nervous and trusts Henry will make sure everything goes right. I mean Henry literally says “trust me, you’re in good hands”, and Alex does.

Trust and safety is literally part of the characters' journeys in that scene. Nick and Taylor's real life trust in each other can provide a genuine base to build off of for Alex and Henry's.

God I wish they could do interviews, I want to hear them talk about it more (if they’re willing). They talked about it somewhat in the pre-conducted interviews, but not to the extent Matthew is in this. Obviously they don’t have to if they’re not comfortable sharing though.

I think this makes me feel so much because I'm personally demisexual and demiromantic, so emotional bonds are very important to me, in general. It's my heart's desire to find someone to love and trust that much, platonically and/or romantically.

PS: Just to be absolutely clear, this is not about shipping Nick and Taylor!! I'm just gushing about their bond with each other! I'm not trying to imply they are romantically involved in any way!

Thanks for reading!! If you enjoyed this essay & would like to support me, you can give me a tip on my Ko-Fi! ☺️

[gengarfluid]

annoying people arent always autistic and kyle was clearly making fun of himself

nowhere did i say annoying people are always autistic or vice versa, so i'm not entertaining that - and in comments kyle says he was "a different genre" when asked if it's based off of him.

how you believe it's clear that he's making fun of himself while knowing next to nothing of substance about the man is beyond my ken.

for sourcing's sake, the video containing the screenshot is here

[amy-elliot-is-done]

I was diagnosed with autism this week.

[angelprickandholysemen]

.

[keirametzbrassknuckles]

I wish I gave less of a shit about what people think of me because in my soul I think I'm meant to be a Helaena Targaryan ass bitch who is just unapologetically weird and people put up with it because they find it oddly endearing. Instead I text my boss things like "I will temper her expectations" instead of "I'll tell her we can't do it" and everyone hates me

[corinthiansenamel]

So i talked about male genital torture around a guy who was my friends situationship because i was annoyed he was around. That was supposed to be OUR day to hang. Definitely getting an F- on social interactions. So how's your day going?

[hmds]

still so pressed about my soon to be ex roommate saying i'm not autistic like girl why do you wanna be autistic? you want attention? you wanna be taken advantage of and abused in relationships? you want random people to hate you for no reason other than you're autistic? what do you gain. really. talk about it

[plaidos]

Sorry if this is going too far with turning your inbox into the children's cartoon complaint zone, but the stuff about Grenda in Gravity falls got me thinking.

I was a teenager when Gravity Falls was coming out, and it remains one of my favorite cartoons, but rewatching it recently made me uncomfortably aware of just how much mean-spirited and offensive comedy there is throughout. Grenda as a "comic relief" character is a huge one of course, but there's just a LOT of deriving comedy from people's bodies and appearances. Plus just straightforward man-in-a-dress jokes...

There's also the fact that Alex Hirsch seems to think AAVE (or like "slang" created to be a comically heightened imitation of AAVE) is the most hilarious thing ever, but also makes sure it's always coming from on-screen white characters, as if that unproblematizes the way it's mocked? It's a CONSTANT recurring thread throughout the series.

I ended up falling off a recent rewatch for a while after hitting the episode "Soos and the Real Girl." It really hit me there with the exact way they were characterizing Soos's social incompetence and "childish" interests, oh, he's straight up supposed to be autistic. He explicitly gets obsessed with the dating sim because he likes how social interactions have predictable rules in it, unlike real life. It's hammered home *multiple* times that one of his big stated social deficiencies is an inability to make eye contact, etc. Come the fuck on. And that's fine in a vacuum, the episode ends with everyone realizing he didn't need to change himself because he could still have value as a person as long as his awkwardness was charming to a quirky chubby woman.

But all the jokes in the episode are still about how funny it is that he's socially unaware and makes other people uncomfortable or frightened. And worse, it recontextualizes the way he's used as a joke throughout the rest of the series, the way he's portrayed as stupid, as a man-child, as being abused and taken advantage of by his employer while he's oblivious to it. It's just so gross. And that's not even getting into how he's also fat and Hispanic, and he's not just mocked but *dehumanized* for comedy CONSTANTLY.

Plus that episode throws in one of the show's transphobic jokes for good measure. Isn't it so funny that you can't tell if this person in alternative fashion is a man or a woman? Isn't it funny that Soos is so autistic-- I mean socially inept-- that he openly, in public, to their face, speculates on their gender? Not like for trans people that's a nightmare scenario that carries an implicit threat of violence or anything...

And all this is absolutely not to suggest that Gravity Falls is a uniquely harmful piece of media. I know for certain if you pick any network sitcom at random, before or even since Gravity Falls, you'd find way worse examples of all of this. But it's just a bummer to now be a grown-ass fat, autistic, trans woman who can recognize some of this stuff, and realize that even the media that's most special to me thinks it's funny to be hostile to people like me, that it's not really made for me. And to recognize that it's even worse for people who are marginalized in ways that I'm not.

Anon I’m in love with you — it’s like you went down a checklist in my brain of every complaint i’ve ever had about this show. i completely, completely agree with every note here — the jokes about AAVE specifically stood out to me, especially since there’s been at least one occasion where Hirsch went on a twitter rant about how (xyz aave) is the worst, stupidest thing to ever happen to the English language (meanwhile he thinks combining the words “Bill” and “Dipper” is funny enough to include as a joke despite it being just literally putting two names together. wooow how clever and funny white people are, thank god this caucasian braingenius is protecting the sanctity of the english language from black people who make up bad new words)

also dude can’t go five seconds without putting a white person in a “cowboys and indians” style native american costume. Hirsch has a fucking major problem with the way he treats his hispanic characters & how he portrays native american mythology & culture as basically this funny stupid thing to be used as set dressing for white people.

it feels a lot like he watched The Simpsons’ (sometimes effective, sometimes ineffective) satire on racism, bigotry, and the conservative tendencies in archetypical american towns and understood that it was funny but didn’t get why and just limply recreated the jokes without the structure for it to be a satire. not that the Simpsons doesn’t fall into these same problems with racism & body shaming, but i feel like they at least have a veneer of it being “isn’t it stupid how people like Homer think like this?” rather than just “haha different culture talk funny”

and the problem is, it sucks that it’s like this because it’s so good. it feels like every time i recommend it i have to be like “a lot of the jokes have aged like milk but it’s worth it”. like i love Gravity Falls. which is why it’s important to criticise it for its flaws.

[hgracieeees]

my thoughts on the australian hadestown cast!

n.b. these are MY thoughts on how i felt and percieved the australian cast's takes on characters that i've seen many versions of. personally, i felt this show presented similtaneously very fresh and very accurate versions of these beautiful characters <3 in this post, i focused more on the differences rather than the similarities to previous performances.

noah mullins' orpheus is very awkward but in such a sweet way. he's clearly autistic-coded - he fully jumped when he turned around during 'road to hell' to 'see' the audience (+ his wave is so sweetly shy rather than over-earnest) and at one point during 'wait for me (reprise)' he started stimming out of stress & overstimulation. he has less of the socially-inept earnestness than maybe reeve carney's oprheus had (more of a socially-inept awkwardness), but it came out properly in 'come home with me' towards eurydice - it seems like he's terrified of socialising with everyone except her. noah is incredibly lanky, and so their orpheus very much has the vibe of his legs and arms being so long that he never quite learned how to use them properly, which suits his orpheus perfectly. their 'is it true' is powerful not because of an extreme emotional performance (see donal finn's) but because he seemed comfortable and in control for the first time. his neurodivergency also feels a lot more pronounced during 'doubt comes in' - the loss of confidence and increased anxiety feels very natural for his orpheus, as devestating as it is. his awkwardness being said, he is very physically comfortable with eurydice - they and abigail were so adorable during 'way down hadestown', the two of them feel like teenagers who have just gotten into their first relationship. i've heard noah talk about how much they wanted to work with abi, and i'm so glad they got that chance!

abigail adriano's eurydice is a tough little thing. abigail is quite small in stature, especially next to noah, and so she seems to be twice as thick-skinned and aggressive during the opening couple of songs to make up for it. at the beginning she is flighty and quick with the way she runs away from the fates, hades & even orpheus at the beginning of their relationship, super determined to protect herself, but she's got a real baby face which makes you just ache for her and the pain she's clearly already experienced. it also means that when eurydice gets more comfortable during the summer (during 'way down' and 'all i've ever known'), this sweetness just blooms out of her. her and noah have incredible chemistry, and she just turns into a little schoolgirl with a first crush during 'way down'. her 'wait for me (reprise)' is INCREDIBLE, such a powerful voice out of this small girl, and her 'flowers' is SO emotional. also just before the turn, she is like swinging along the set, as if she has so much trust in orpheus and is so excited to leave hadestown and spend the rest of her life with him, which just makes the turn 100x more painful.

christine anu is just the perfect choice for an australian hermes. she has a brilliant Aboriginal aunty vibe about her (we love seeing First Nations people in australian theatre!) - especially as some of the more spoken lines, she really leans into the aussie vowels (e.g. 'we're gonna sing it again' and 'don't come on too strong'). she's got an incredible voice & stage presence, and even though the way she holds herself onstage felt at times as if she perhaps has less musical theatre experience and more experience performing as a singer in her own right (i haven't looked at her resume), that seems to work pefectly for the narrator character, who straddles the fourth wall the entire show. it really has the vibe of her telling all of us a story around the campfire, and she really milked the beginning of 'road to hell (reprise)' for all it's worth. this hermes seems to LOVE telling this story, as painful it is - she's joyful & hopeful in her telling, it's much less of a tortured narrator and much more of a 'this is an important story to tell and it's a story of HOPE despite tragedy' type of vibe. her and elenoa's persephone are girl besties, and she has a real aunty type of love & care (like the aunty who you're not related to, but has always been there) for all the workers + orphy & eury (as noah & abi call them). she honestly feels like the oldest and most mature presence on the stage - older than hades & persephone (read on for my thoughts on a slightly younger-feeling seph & hades), and so able to tell this story from a more mature & knowledgeable position.

elenoa rokobaro's persephone is so much fun. she plays persephone a lot drunker (during 'our lady' and the other underworld scenes) than i'd seen before, which made her alcoholism a lot more obvious and powerful, especially the 'i've had enough' line in 'how long'. she feels a lot younger than amber gray's persephone, which i think makes her story a lot more powerful - almost like a younger sister to christine's hermes at times, and similarly, i felt more of a big sister vibe to eurydice rather than the aunty vibe which i get from amber gray's persephone. i think her overt drunkeness represents her take on the character well - she's a lot looser with her movements, less of the awkward jerkiness of amber's persephone and more of a free, all-encompassing movement (in my opinion). i loved it - her 'our lady' is so much fun, but also a lot more confronting (due to how clear her alcohol-induced numbness is covering up a pain). her and adrian seem almost playful during 'epic III - they danced', which i think contributed to the fun, younger vibe.

adrian tamburini's hades has a similarly younger vibe to him - almost sleazy but not quite (and by younger, i mean compared to patrick page, not to the rest of the characters - him and persephone are still clearly older than orpheus & eurydice). he gave real business ceo vibes at times. this hades really struck me with that insecurity leading to immaturity that every hades textually has, but the immaturity of his behaviour really comes out in adrian's choices. he seems really petty in the way he treats the workers & persephone while he's upset about her being away from him. also, his 'hey little songbird' is much more melodic than patrick page's, which is super powerful when you're used to the low growl, and is very alluring in a different way - a much more similar allure to orpheus'. his 'why we build the wall' and 'chant (reprise)' were SO powerful, though, a real power and anger present in that low voice. they were also slightly more explicit about the subtle sexual connotations of 'he closed the door behind' in 'why we build the wall' and 'the girl means nothing to me' in 'how long' which just made you the right amount of uneasy. i think overall, the younger vibe that adrian and elenoa both have leads to a real pettiness in their anger at each other and a real playfulness in their reunion (e.g. when he grows the flower in 'epic III'). they don't so much have that 'ancient' vibe that patrick & amber had, but i think it upholds the insecurity & immaturity in their actions rather than undermines it (which it absolutely could have if done wrong). i feel like instead of it saying 'here's this ancient couple who are failing at communicating and caring for each other in the way they should, an ancient couple who are still insecure and immature', they are an incredibly powerful couple who are still figuring out how to love each other, despite the length of their relationship and their ultimate power over the workers & the seasons.

conclusion: GO SEE THIS CAST. like i said at the top, these performances felt both new, as well as true to the text and to the original concepts for these characters. they didn't make a single choice that i felt undermined the characters or any other interpretation of them, and they all perfectly enhanced the themes & narrative of the story. by comparing this cast to the original broadway or to the west end casts, i feel like i just understand the chraracters and the text even more then i already did, bringing out new nuances or new ways of representing the same experiences within the same story. i'm going to see it again in april, so if i see these guys again (i would also love to see any of the swing's takes on the roles) then i might add to the post <3

professional photos of this cast: 1 | 2 b-roll: 1

[raqi-marr]

About Affinification

I normally don't bother getting into quote-unquote "HDG Discourse", but I was recently falsely accused of doing so on anon on Ao3 (which was funny as fuck) so I figured why not take the opportunity to *actually* discoursepost, since this is a subject I have some pretty strong feelings on

My stance on affinification is it should be allowed & not discouraged. Right now it is allowed but heavily discouraged, and I think this is both unnecessary and unkind- particularly to members of the community who have affini headmates. I've seen some arguments about affinification being bad because it undermines the disability narrative at the heart of HDG, but, imo this is only true if you take a very limited view of the capacity in disabled people VS abled people.

Disabilities come in all shapes and size, ranging from things like being unable to walk and needing a wheelchair, to having autism in a world that isn't suited for autistic people (google 'social model of disability' if this doesn't make sense.) However, "disabled person" =/= "person who can't do anything at all", it just means "person who can not do/struggles to do some things."

I get that the general take here is "the affini are The System and disabled people are never part of The System", but disabled people are actually - very fucking occasionally - able to become part of the system.

The US has a non-zero amount of trans representatives and presumably at least some of those are disabled; likewise, I have no doubt there are disabled non-trans representatives that I'm not aware of.

I think, basically, affinification is fine if your character has to work for it in a story. It is true that yes, you cannot overcome physical disabilities irl- but it may well be possible in some cases to still do a job you wanted to do, or get a position you wanted to, with enough hard work anyway. I do recognise this is not always possible, but to be clear I'm approaching this from a mental disability perspective anyway because that's what HDG means to me personally, and things are a bit different there

To be clear, I fully acknowledge trans people/disabled people/other minorities should not need to work to get this kind of recognition. They do, though; that's how life currently is, and it's fine for people to want to explore that in HDG stories. It Takes Time is on some level about my self-insert wanting to fight to be accepted and seen as an equal by a bunch of people who are more able bodied than her, even if she isn't capabilistically their equal (or it will be when I get to that arc in 50 million years lmao).

The reason it's about that is that, as an autistic person who has spent their entire life being thought of as stupid, inept, and incapable by the people around me, but is not actually, my life has been all about fighting to get people to stop viewing me that way. This is also why ITT isn't an actual affinification story; I don't need my self-insert to physically become an affini to feel validated, I just want to be treated as equal to them in the ways that I care about (which is not in the ability to micromanage 50 vines at once.)

so yeah there's my 5 credits on affinification: basically I think you can write it without undermining the disability narrative if you do it properly. also I am not at all trying to say "disabled people should just work harder to get what they want" no one should have to work if they don't want to: I just so happen to be the type that naturally enjoys having responsibilities and being in charge of stuff and I would actually be okay being in the social role that the affini have within the compact (which I realise separates me from like 99% of hdg's reader demographic already lmao)

I am merely trying to acknowledge that some disabled people - such as myself - do willingly go down the torturous path to trying to at least sort of "fit in" in society, and having a way to represent that in HDG is good I think

[normal-enderman]

Troy is SO fucking interesting because he's like. A societally worthless person (by capitalist standards). Held back in school, grades are probably atrocious, has absolutely no useful skills, barely functioning social skills. And yet, because he's so privileged, the useless skill he does have is enough to carry him through life. If his father is anything like we're imagining, he probably talks to Troy all the time about people who don't work hard enough, people who don't contribute to society, and Troy probably adopts the same contempt for those sorts of people as other members of his social class do without thinking about it. But in all ways except the luck of his circumstances, Troy is one of those people! Furthermore, I believe that's why Troy's father doesn't like him that much - Troy may not have the self-awareness to realise he's functionally no different from the "lowlifes" and "moochers" of society, but his father does. His father is probably disgusted that Troy grew into someone so stupid, so worthless, so completely unsuited for the workforce.

On a second watch of the first episode, it's clear Troy is definitely struggling with some sort of handicap, even if he doesn't realise it, though whether it's a case of nurture or nature is up for exploration. He might be socially inept because he never had to learn to make friends, his father was always there to make sure people were kissing up to him. He might be terrible at schoolwork because he has no interest in it, and why would he try when he can pretty much do whatever he wants with no consequences? On the other hand, he might be autistic, he might have ADHD, he might be dyslexic. Or he might just be stupid! That's ok too! Regardless of the explantion, whether his upbringing damaged his development or if there was always something different about him, it's clear something is holding him back - and I'm excited for the point when he realises that he doesn't fit into the society of Wonder any better than the hybrids of Reclaim do.

[drdemonprince]

A little positivity for your inbox :). I'm a queer, autistic generally gender-fucked individual and I wanted to share how much your posts ab building community and putting yourself out there have helped me. I moved to Chicago 9 months ago and felt like the most miserable version of myself. I had like 1 friend and felt too socially inept to pursue any other connections. My anxiety had me locked in a state of inaction. Seeing you post about the merit of just GOING to things, just putting yourself in spaces helped me feel like that was something I could do too? And so I did. I would go events (with my 1 friend) I never really knew what to do with myself I would just kind of...be there. And for a while it was really uncomfortable and I would freak out afterwards. Like every time. But it felt good to be doing SOMETHING to improve that part of my life. It was one of those things that sucked until it didn't I guess. Cut to present day and I'm a version of myself that I didn't know I could be? I go to parties where I know almost no one and I talk to people even when I'm a little scared to approach them. I have so much confidence?? I have to acknowledge that this was more attainable for me than some because I'm an autist who's able to mask. Even still, I was able to find people like me who I can unmask around by venturing out a little. It is possible. My friendship circle has grown into this beautiful collection of neurodivergent weirdo freaks who I never would have known had I kept to myself day in and day out like I wanted to. I'm also not someone whose body meets most standards of desirability, it made it harder but not impossible. Anyways, thanks for being loud and obstinate and also hopeful! You make people's lives better by doing these things. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the little bit of sunshine being thrown our way ♥️♥️♥️

Yay thank you. I most want to share this ask so that other people can see it and think about whether your experience could be relevant to their own lives. A WHOLE lot can happen just from showing up to things a bunch of times, getting a little *less* uncomfortable being there (even if you always feel kinda uncomfortable forever, i still do!), participating in what you can, becoming a familiar face, talking to people, and seeing who you vibe with. that's the work. that's everything. and you can do it being shy/anxious/awkward/having highly particular needs/being visibly othered/etc. It's HARD and not everyone is gonna be your people but it is possible. It's a lot of work but it's worth it.

[3liza]

I'm developing a new theory of autism that posits that autistic people do extremely well in positions of authority where the human social instinct to tolerate eccentricity to the point of rudeness in authority figures benefits the socially inept person and the deep level of personal care, desire for control and detail oriented aspects of autism benefit their organizations in return

[goeticwhorelore]

Hot take, but I don't think Paimon was actually that bad of a father. It actually seems like he loves and cares about his children, but just genuinely doesn't know how to connect with them. To me, it feels like Paimon's own father was abusive or neglectful and now Paimon wants to connect with his kids because he doesn't want them to feel the way he did, but he struggles to connect with them because he never had an example.

I mean, does this really look like a terrible father? To me, it looks like a confused father who is trying. Sure he says his son's crying is an ugly noise and to cease the bitch crying, but maybe he is socially inept, or autistic, or maybe just uncomfortable and not good with children. But what most people brush over is he calls him his little, he uses a cheery babyish voice, he offers physical comfort to his crying son, he tries to cheer him up.

Sure, there is this quote, but hear me out. He's royalty; his schedule is BEYOND packed. He doesn't seem like an abusive or neglectful dad; he seems like an overworked dad. Not to mention, parents of multiple children AND overworked parents often forget their child's name momentarily, or may also call them by the wrong name. As royalty, mistakes are HEAVILY frowned upon so you really think Paimon is going to risk such a stupid mistake of calling his kid by the wrong name? I've also seen the take that Paimon doesn't even know Stolas, which could be the case, but that doesn't mean it's by choice. Many parents even in the real world barely know their children because they're so overworked trying to provide and build a name for their child, that they don't have the time to KNOW their child.

And let's not forget, while he may not have physically taken Stolas to the circus, he DID take the time out of his day to sit there and watch through the whole thing with his son and he DID keep his promise to his son.

Not to mention, he NOTICED EXACTLY what Stolas liked,. What made him happy. What cheered him up. He was PAYING ATTENTION. And, he CARED enough about his son's happiness (and probably knew his son was lonely as he mentions his son has no friends) enough that he tried to buy him whatever made him happy (even though it was a person 😑 but we're not hear to argue if he's a good person, we're hear to argue if he's a bad dad or not). Paimon knew he couldn't be there to fill the emptiness in his son's life, so he hired someone to do just that so his son wouldn't have to feel lonely and unloved.

And without Paimon taking Stolas to this circus and buying Blitz for him, Stolas and Blitz may have never met. Even as adults, the only reason Blitz tries to steal from Stolas is because he knows where Stolas lives and he knows he has this book and what it can do, all because Paimon bought him. And, had Blitz found out about the book through other means, do you really think Stolas would've been so chummy about it if he didn't already know Blitz?

I'm not saying Paimon deserves a World's Best Dad Award, far from it. But at least he tried, and that's more than Crimson, Cash, and a lot of other dads can say. Paimon may not be a stellar dad, but he's not a terrible dad either. And, while this doesn't excuse the pain he caused Stolas, I think it's important to remember just because we have hurt someone doesn't make us a terrible person; life is full of nuance. And I need a scene where Paimon and Stolas have a heart to heart and Paimon realizes his son is in love with an imp and reflects on his own behaviors and beliefs towards imps and apologizes for not being the father his children needed.

[melanqolia]

꯳⃘꤫ ͡ ︶ welcome to my virtual corner ུ⃛ᰭ

I decided to be on tumblr mainly and want mutuals so here are some of my interests and things about me:

✧ she•18. i'm in the autistic spectrum, a social inept at times, intp, gemini, sleepy most of the time

✧ i lovelovelove art. Cinema, painting, literature, and architecture are very dear to me

✧ i enjoy music and listen to many different genres but my top artists might be: lana del rey, françoise hardy, fka twigs, aespa, mazzy star, ethel cain, bjork, grimes, etc. i like jazz, shoegaze, alt rock, goth, punk, classical, hiphop, rnb etc

✧ i love the color red, the moon, cemeteries, churches, old things, lipstick, candles, women, vampires, the 60's and 70's, fashion, ultraviolence, the secret history, leather boots and jackets, jinx of arcane

✧ i will sometimes vent and write in spanish since it's my first language

✧ i won't follow back cis men and pls don't message me if you are a cis man

✧ i'm kinda new in tumblr so i'm bad at tagging and stuff but wtv, # vampyr from outer space will be used for when i talk about myself

feel free to follow me on spotify and letterboxd i want more friends there too!!

[cat-downthestreet]

hey, listen! this is a rant post about neurodivergent characters in Genshin and my frustration with the fandom's reading comprehension skills. if you're in a bad place or just don't like angry rants, please don't force yourself and go read something else instead. <3

Okay, so, I watched this video recently, and let's just say, I have some thoughts.

https://youtu.be/tYK3297p4rk?si=eMaf8NF57HFlUhfd

This isn't just a Xiao problem- the entire fandom is terrible at characterization. The example that makes me the most angry is the mischaracterization of neurodivergent characters.

Take Alhaitham for example. He's often seen as rude and narcissistic by the fandom- which is especially apparent in Haikaveh content, where people portray him as straight up abusive.

You wanna know why this makes me so mad? The supposedly narcissistic and rude traits Alhaitham has are actually just exaggerated symptoms of autism.

Like, come ON, people. Don't skip dialogue. Better yet, go read through his story quest again. He straight up tells someone who sees him as narcissistic that he doesn't see others as less than himself. Also, his voicelines basically confirm this- he's extremely socially inept and he doesn't care. He has difficulty showing emotions as readily as his peers- that doesn't mean he doesn't have them, just that he expresses them differently. He comes across as rude because he doesn't get that people don't like to hear what they're doing wrong, and he probably doesn't care because that's not his problem. If people don't like how blunt he is, that's their problem. At least, that's how I think he views the world.

And like, there are SO many hints that he's autistic. He wears sound-blocking earpieces, for crying out loud. Hell, the ENTIRE REASON why he helped out during the Archon quest was because he didn't want his life to change too much. Preferring routine is an autistic trait.

And the worst part is, when I talk about this outside of neurodivergent groups, people tell me I'm wrong and that he couldn't be autistic DESPITE THOSE PEOPLE NOT BEING AUTISTIC THEMSELVES.

And I'm not saying that every autistic person relates to Alhaitham, but I certainly do. And I'm actually quite friendly because I'm anxious about being rejected. Alhaitham isn't, and I'm so jealous of him for that. He's living his best life.

Finally, back to the Haikaveh thing... Alhaitham isn't abusive. He doesn't say horrible things to Kaveh, and the one example of him doing that I could find, he immediately backtracked and subtly tried to make Kaveh feel better. Hell, Alhaitham doesn't even actually care about making sure Kaveh pays rent. He says it as a joke, but because he's autistic and his tone of voice doesn't give that away as well, he's portrayed as abusive and misunderstood as narcissistic. Y'all just don't like neurodivergent people and it shows.

Yes, neurodivergent includes Xiao. PTSD is often viewed as a form of neurodivergency, and there are many MANY characters in Genshin that have PTSD or some other form of neurodivergence. Yet people refuse to see them as such and mischaracterize them as "edgy," "narcissistic," "unapproachable," "weird," and the like. Yet none of these characters are any of those things.

You wanna know the true narcissists? The true edgelords? The actually rude people? Might I direct your attention to Scaramouche, Childe, and Dottore, whom everyone makes out to be as misunderstood pathetic little meow meows that need love.

Reminder that only two of those three are actually redeemable, and one is STILL an edgelord who is more rude than Alhaitham could ever be, while the other is a certified insane person with a weird set of morals.

(Side note: I love Scaramouche and Childe as characters. I'm just tired of people acting like they aren't worse than the autistic characters. Scaramouche is extremely rude, but he's trying to be better as Wanderer thanks to Nahida's help. He has severe PTSD, and Childe does, too. But both of them are actually messed up and have done horrible things, yet people portray them as better and more in need of love than the characters with unlikable (read: neurodivergent) traits.)

Don't even get me started on how people portray Kokomi, Sucrose, Fischl, Diluc, Zhongli, Cyno, Furina, Neuvillette, and Albedo. Especially that last one- I WILL get mad if one more person tries to tell me he's just emotionless and rude.

Also, if anyone is wondering where I've seen people misunderstanding these characters, it's mostly on Hoyolab site discussions. There's one too many posts talking about how "rude" and "annoying" these characters are.

With Alhaitham especially, I see many people writing him as abusive in Haikaveh content. I see people arguing about the ship being toxic because Alhaitham is "abusive," "unfeeling," and "cruel." Even people who like the ship portray him as such. And I've seen too many people comparing him to Dr. Ratio, who is literally just a narcissist who views others as beneath him. Don't get me wrong, I understand the comparison. It's just... very obvious that people skipped dialogue during Genshin's Archon and story quests.

And it's frustrating because I've been misunderstood in the exact same way. I've been called "rude," "annoying," and "unfeeling" in the past and it's screwed me up. Seeing people do the same thing to a character I so deeply relate to makes me lose confidence in both myself and people around me.

If that's how you view a fictional character with autistic traits, how do you treat real people with the same traits?

Thanks for reading this far. My previous post seemed to get a lot of attention, so I felt more confident about posting my full perspective on this subject. Can any of you think of other characters that have been constantly misunderstood in the fandom? I'd love to hear about it.