#i'm always looking for ways to improve!!
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brown-little-robin · 28 days ago
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I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.
#Robin processes emotions on main#I WANT to get good at socializing#I used to be better and I'm now worse >:[#in some ways. in some ways I've improved (e.g. am kinder). but I used to have more confidence and an easier time staying present#now I'm always shutting down and running away#literally I leave the room and go calm down in my room#I want to learn to regulate that impulse and become a chill person to hang out with. but How#I've been struggling lately with punishing myself for running away (not physically but with like. spirals of self-recrimination)#I think one good step would be to get mindful about praising myself for small steps again. I'll change faster if im kinder to myself#also I think seeking reassurance from the people I'm around more often even if it seems silly would be good#ALSO. a major problem I'm facing is that I am living with my parents. and my little sisters. and I don't... I... it's rough.#I used to parent my 15 (then 9) y/o little sister when my parents were gone and I still struggle with feeling Responsible For Her#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with#—how to deal with it#BIG SIGH#I'm TRYING to become a good adult who can help others rather than just living in desperate self-defensive survival mode forever#but it's so hard bro#and another issue is that I'm growing further and further apart from my parents' fundamentalist brand of Christianity#and feeling more and more incapable of making friends and bringing them to visit me. because I have to be perfect around my parents#how can I make friends if I can't offer them hospitality??#how can I be a fully realized adult if I have to hide in plain sight??#I need to move out so bad. even if I'm lonely at first I HAVE to move out#in related news my seasonal job is Over and I'm looking for full-time work! please pray for me if you're the praying type or just#send me encouraging words#that would help#<33333 I will be ok it's just a bad situation rn
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mymarifae · 1 year ago
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WHY ARE THEY GROWING UP WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKK
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shannonsketches · 9 months ago
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like why did they change where Vegeta was when Cell announced the cell games in the anime
why did they make this vegeta starting shit with yamcha instead of chillin in the lab with his family? why did they take Bulma out of the lab? Why'd they say she was Out while Dr Brief was repairing 16? Why did they change Bulma working on advanced robotics to running in late with her baby?
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it's the same scene except: - Bulma's actively at work being a scientist - Vegeta's not being rude to her (or anyone else!) - Vegeta waits for Trunks instead of leaving the room - Cell interrupted the airwaves, which means Trunks and Vegeta were just hanging out with Bulma and Dr B while they were working
Those are all Great Character Details!! That the anime rails against!!
#these cowards afraid of showing Vegeta actively choosing to be around his wife and child even when he's Bad#Because Goku who is Good never ever even once makes that choice onscreen outside of filler#and then they justify that choice by making Chi-Chi seem horrid and unreasonable for (checks notes) Not Wanting Her Child to Die#anyway I am once again being bitter about anime vs manga klasjdklasd#I can't believe I let the anime convince me I hated Goku man Goku's SUCH a good and ridiculous character in the manga#the anime just SUCKS at letting him be who he's always been#and has to reframe and recontextualize and reword everything he does so that it seems like he's Actually Quite Mature and Thoughtful nO#THAT's VEGETA YOU COWARDS#also the fact that bulma said she wouldn't live with him at the beginning of this arc to him casually hanging out with her and trunks#after cell beat his ass and humbled him is REALLY GOOD SUBTEXT for their shared relationship having improved without showing it#it's great subtext for all three of them and toei just went 'nah' and decided to make it a whole group shot so ...? Master Roshi could sit#and explain how ??? Tournaments Work??? Just so Cell could log on and also explain how tournaments work?? God it's been so long#since I've watched the anime and now when I do it just makes me mad aklsdjskja the manga is SOOOOO much better#there are some spots where the pacing is more ideal in the anime like goku turning ssj for the first time but like man. everything else is.#like why are you making Goku snarky with Vegeta dude his clapbacks are SO much funnier when they're just Tactless Honesty#like Vegeta's not insulted by Snark bitch he grew up in the Freeza force that man was raised by THE bitchiest drag queens#Vegeta's insulted by someone saying something deeply and insultingly True to his face as if it's the fucking weather#Goku in the anime is like 'a battle of wits hoho' but Goku's purity is part of the joke he's not snippy he's just got no social etiquette#He's just honest! He's not trying to be insulting. That's what MAKES it insulting! That's the WHOLE GAG of why Vegeta can't stand him#Goku is always just telling the truth and it's always the rudest shit Vegeta's ever heard in his life#'it's a sunny day! i'm way stronger than you! see you out there bud!' 10000% Genuinely Friendly. Golden Retriever-Ass Pure.#Infuriating. Hilarious.#anyway I looked at anime clips to make sure I remembered things right and that was a mistake#as someone who has a soft spot for it and grew up on it -- compared to the manga it's bad and it's always been bad#and toriyama was right to be disinterested in watching it jesus christ they BUTCHERED his work#anyway this has been another shot of haterade with sketches thank you for scrolling my rambletags askljdask#dbtag#i just truly can't get over how they make Vegeta call her 'woman' in the anime and he literally only ever calls her Bulma in the manga#except for on namek when he refers to her as 'the/that woman' because she is a complete stranger#why is he calling her woman like he's a 1940s american husband and not an extraterrestrial from a deeply advanced society toei
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icewindandboringhorror · 18 days ago
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currently at That Point which occurs once every few months where one briefly begins pacing around the house teary eyed contemplating selling their own organs or becoming an online scammer or getting on anxiety meds so you can bear the risk taking required to be a hitman or so on and so forth.... why must everything so Expensive... Surely all would be healed in life if only I had one big plate of lasagna and a simple loan of $40,000 ... auoughhh....
#And then you just eventually shrug and go 'welp. nothing i can do i guess' and sad cartoon music plays as you shuffle back to your room#It's just hard with my specific physical and mental issues since it's like.. I couldn't really handle most jobs. I can't handle school. I'm#100% aromantic and asexual so I'll never get married so I can't get money that way. I have too much issues with social cues#+ too nervous temperament + too low energy to put effort into lying and having a fake relationship just for money. so on and so forth etc.#Really I should have just been born into a middle class family. Which I guess everyone says. but ESPECIALLY considering my#chronic conditions kind of hampering my ability to function 'normally' or be Independent in a regular way. I'm always going to be#in some way sort of beholden to the whims of people around me who I must depend on. so... well of course they might as well have been rich#lol like that would have been better for me of course.#AAANyway... Just thinking about another stupid fucking climate change summer... months keep going by so fast.. soon it will be so again#And it's like such SMALL things would make drastic improvements for me. Literally if I just had a place with central AC#then like 75% of my issues with summer would vanish instantly. literally. But instead it's like.. having a cheap hot apartment + only#half functional dinky window ac + my illnesses that make me heat sensitive + living in a part of the country that keeps getting hotter +#inability to leave the house much meaning I can't just go spend time in a cooler place etc. all factors which combine together to make#it just utterly miserable for MONTHS and mentally draining. And literally ALL I would need to fix that is just...#have a place with central AC that works.. (or move to a colder country/area but that also takes money. Or just not have illnesses#that make me heat sensitive. but that I can't control). etc. etc. I guess it's just the nature of the constant background frustration of#being part of The Masses under our current manifestation of unmitigated capitalism. Such minor details would make such huge#quality of life improvements and yet will remain ever out of reach. ONE little thing could change your whole life but you can't even have#that. so many 'If only' scenarios. etc. And of course obviously I am incredibly thankful just to have anywhere to live at all. food to eat#. any sort of stability whatsoever no matter how fragile it feels/is. But that still doesn't make it not frustrating occasionally to look#around and see how relatively little would have to change in order for you to be a decent percentage more comfortable and yet#how still far away even those ''small'' seeming goals are. etc. etc.#Seriously think I've been traumatized by the summer or something somehow lol like thinking about it being warm weather eventually#makes me nauseous with panic. It's just SOOO much labor. micromanaging windows and fans and blocking every ounce of light#and not being able to cook (cant even afford a single degree of temp increase due to the stove) for months and barely being able#to sleep for months and the claustrophobia of days on end crawling out of your skin because it doesnt even get cool enough at#night to offer relief so you're just always feeling trapped.. hgrhh...#It starts getting hot here sometimes in May but mostly June then lasts through October now.. thats like half the year almost.. ARghhH#anyway... If any extremely rich person reading this would like to buy me an air conditioned house in exchange for multiple years worth#of art (I will paint murals on all of your grand dining halls and make all the custom sculptures you could ever want etc) then.. hewwo :'3c
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blue-thief · 2 months ago
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the order doesn't matter that much also the "not for me" tier can range from "man idgaf" to "WHAT THE FUCK"
#there needs to be a term for something tangential to shipping but not quite shipping because that's how i feel about reiramu honestly#like just. the concept of rei being haunted by his wife through his own work with which he dared to defy the limits of humanity#but it's fine right? they're just shallow copies. they share her face but they're hollow. they're just puppets.#they don't have feelings of their own. when a clone is disposed by chuohku it's the equivalent of killing a fly#but there's this one clone. he's a defect.#oh well you can always just improve on the next line of clones#but he can feel things the others can't. he has a personality. it's not quite like hers but they share a lot of the same values#he's *not* her. the face is the same but the smile isn't. the way he laughs isn't the same.#but he's rather fond of that jinguji jakurai is he not? you and that doctor share a lot of values as well.#but those two are close because of completely different reasons. surely.#and ramuda has gotten close to ichiro and saburo but he's not close to them in the way a mother would be.#but then again she never got to raise saburo herself did she? how would ramuda act if he befriended jiro?#fine. maybe he reminds you of her in some ways. but how does he think of you? a boss? a handler? a creator? he doesn't know who he came from#you look at him the same way you looked at nayuta but what if he looks at you the way ichiro does? that's a little....#man i've been rambling for a while. what im saying is that i think amayado rei should be tortured by his own creation every waking moment#but ramuda is just like :ppp#i'm not fucking maintagging this.#valiant posting
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sysig · 5 months ago
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Some scribbles :) (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#Texture work is original sure lol#Went in hard on one of those Drawing Advice posts about ''Hey - literally just put pencil to paper and go no worries''#It was fun :D I Do still want to just doodle freely sometimes!#I still enjoy some structure to it so I ended making a grid of various like map-style textures to tell different biomes apart lol#But just general funsies scribbles were pretty good! I enjoyed the lot :)#S'good to just Make with abandon sometimes haha#I really like the hatching effect generally and it's something I want to improve at/implement more so the practice was nice there :)#Layering on paper/with only the one digital layer is always an interesting exercise in negative space and keeping things readable#I like drawing clouds with notably flat bottoms haha I think it's funny that they just sit there#I guess I'm used to cirrus clouds a lot so seeing cumulus big puffies with a clear delineation between bottom and the rest is just fun to me#They look like toys! Designed to sit! But they're just up there! How fun!#Squiggly branches/veins was something I did a tooon as a kid before I got into Drawing On Purpose y'know#Just pages and pages of branches on branches#And curls that curled away from each other - did a little bit of that with the circles and lines but not that much haha#I dunno if I still have any but it's interesting how that dwindled down to basically never over time#I definitely know what I prefer to draw these days but hmm still wonder a bit!#And loop-di-loops haha I was thinking of Erase quite a lot for that one honestly#And the way some Disney Princesses give autographs which one is it-#Belle! I remember when I got her autograph years ago and was really enamoured with the flourish :D#Grace and elegance in shape! Ah! So cool#That and RGB from TPoH haha - all these swoopies! I like them very much :)
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silusvesuius · 8 months ago
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n*loth is literally a demon i mean iHold on YAAASSSSS!
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i mean it 😒😒😒
#text#nlvs very universal love story i believe from n*loth POV it can be read as a normal romance if you ignore all the concerning shit he's -#- thinking. but from t*lvas POV and 3rd person it's an actual horror story (deserve)#but tbh not even t*lvas is as scared as the 3rd party witnessing all of it happen . if there was a 3rd parttyyy. omg. so sad#anyways enough about them..... i wanted to talk about drawing ✍#i think traditional art has a lot of power to kick you to improving especially if you're trying it for the first time after a really long -#- while (Meee) and it doesn't feel as 'consumeristic' as digital art feels to me#cus anytime i sit down to draw something digitally 9 times outta 10 i'll just be trying to out-do myself in the way i execute an idea#in terms of colors or composition or anything i can do#such a tryharddd iUUugh but in traditional i turn my brain off and live the same life and share a brain with my pencil. and nothing feels -#- boring. or like 'i already drew this 😑' i'll just be chilling#but @ the same time it might stunt me because of it's comfortability#i mean idc but still i can get better in many ways && i want tu ......#to Be honest it feels like i can only do 'Cool' ideas digitally and traditional is for stuff that is 'easier'#but it is indeed freeing#i love u-god bbbbbbbbb#i mean not like i do art studies a lot cus i don't think it's something i need at this very moment i'm happy with where my art is#but @ heart i will always! Always be a tryhard#like look at what i can doo (speaking to mirror)#my nelothian narcissism ......? Huh#i love adding -ian to pairings and names now
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pandoras-proxy · 8 months ago
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catrillion · 1 year ago
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Day 11 of 30: I haven't updated in a few days, but that doesn't mean I haven't still been on track! I have exceeded the 1666 daily word goal every single day this week, and today was no exception: today, I wrote 3559 words (wowie zowie) and my total word count for the month is now 23,873.
Y'all, that is NUTS. I'm almost halfway there. I've never in my life gotten this far during NaNoWriMo, and even if I don't make it to 50k words by the end of this, I'm still so insanely proud of myself you guys have no idea
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b4kuch1n · 2 years ago
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what this fic's gotten to so far is a collection of extremely specific experiences
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bat-the-misfit · 2 years ago
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not this *special and rare* INFJ coming after me after i stated the facts she didn't want to see in front of her face bc she's an *special and rare* INFJ
mistyped INFJs you're the scum of this community
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noxtivagus · 2 years ago
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it's actually really adorable reading my notes while i was going through heavensward for the first time
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#THAT WAS NEARLY EXACTLY TWO YEARS AGO ?? march ily fr#i am. so enthusiastic here. evidently so very passionate abt ffxiv n i was enjoying myself sm it makes me smile so much#this is so funny the lil gbf notes i have here too#oh my god i was playing ffxiv n gbf actively back then that is a nightmare#oh yeah damn i empathized sm w my wol#i'm. still really grateful actually bcs ffxiv genuinely helped w making it easier for me to cry#this actually hits hard but in a way that. sort of comforts me#in the end i'm proud of myself for improving n stuff n. perhaps yeah healing from some stuff that happened a few months prior#but like. ffxiv rlly did help. i was an anxious n social wreck then n had no support system other than my family n stuff like video games n#i think writing got even harder for me for a while#but ffxiv rlly just#it helped a lot. n i'll forever be grateful for that#yeah that reminds me. drk's rlly special to me bcs it rlly reminded me of some things that helped me be kinder to myself#n now just. looking back ik i've gone a long way. n just reading this from the past makes me really proud of myself#'i don't fucking know how to phrase this' while talking abt hope n resolve is still so me#i'm rlly gna sleep it's nearly 3 n help tumblr's rlly one of my diaries or wtvr atp but#i mean. i won't write it all ofc but i'm just. no matter what i'll always have myself. n my family. esp apollo.#i'm rlly proud of myself n my. resolve is renewed damn i'm motivated but i'll sleep
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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago
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me everytime I am preparing a meal with multiple elements I have to balance so they all finish cooking at the same time: Wow this is just like the 2009 hit Nintendo Wii game 'Food Network: Cook Or Be Cooked'
#or like if I'm making two things and one finishes cooking before the other and has to sit there and get cold#in my brain it's always like 'tsk tsk.. they would deduct points from my score for that' hjhjb#one of those instances of game mechanics imprinting onto your brain. kind of like imagining sims interaction moodlets in irl conversations#i LOVE the game though it's so fun. I've never even heard of it before I just found it by the dumpster in a box of other old wii#games someone was apparently discarding and picked it up due to my interest in cooking shows and stuff#I like having to time things and all the little actions you can do. though sad that there's so little recipes#you can unlock the whole game in like a day or something. I think if I had more time and social energy to actually talk in forums or be par#of a 'community' - I think looking into the type of stuff where people mod wii games and etc. would be very very cool#Wii is my favorite console and so much of the time I am always like 'grrr.. they dont make new games.. and this one game is very cool#but imagine if these 5 improvments were made to it! it would be SO much cooler!' etc.#Like being able to download new custom recipes/levels for Cook or Be Cooked lol#Modding wii sports resort the same way that some people mod skyrim and build entirely new games out of it#with new quests and etc. Like just.. create your own sports.. RPG mode.. use the already existing archery assets and etc. to have a mode#where you can just free roam around the map shooting at enemies and stuff ghhjbjh#WHICH I WOULD LOVE DEARLY..#I dont realyl like combat in games but idk I'd make an exception.. whatever.. I just want to play more in the Wii World#I have the soul of one of those people who builds all their own computers and 3D prints custom frames to transplant their 3DS into and#has like all special 'hacked' phones and wii mods and customizes everything and etc. etc. like.. 100% my exact personality and preferences#HOWEVER I just simply do not have the money or physical energy/time to get onto projects like that#The best I can hope for is one day having a close friend who does that so I can maybe use their 3D printer every once in a while or we both#collaborate on some wii modding project or etc. but I just couldn't on my own.. I already have too much stuff going on.. Have to make#compromises due to lack of money + low energy + busy. Like I could never build my own phone. I could save up for a teracube phone#or something so it's better and more repairable than all these dumbass modern phones you cant even take the backs off of. but that's probab#y the best I could do lol. ANYWAY.. Especially wii customization. I could get really into that.. I saw a picture one time of someone who#made like a semi transparent case for theirs kind of like the famous purplish see through gameboy color case but for a wii.. which is.. aAA#yearning crying sobbing etc. etc. so on and so forth
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indigoumbrella · 2 years ago
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The library I work at not only has digital services like Libby. We have DVDs and TV shows, CDs, video games, etc. We also have cake pans if you want to make a special cake for a birthday party. We have board games you can check out for game nights. We even have kits you can take home to try various crafts or activities. So if you want to give sewing a try but don’t want to jump right out and buy a sewing machine just in case you don’t like it. Boom, library has one you can check out. We have crochet kits, bullet journaling, sports kits like soccer, frisbee golf, basketball, etc. We’re even about to launch a divination kit, bird watching, and looking into a polymer clay kit. We have ukuleles and right now we’re looking into getting a keyboard or lap piano. We also check out puppets and occasionally rent out costumes (Santa, Harry Potter, Superheroes, etc).
And honestly, that’s just the start. Some even have tools you can check out so you don’t have to spend several hundred dollars for basic house work or car maintenance. We also do regular in house activities. Not just for kids. But adult nights, date nights, craft activities, and classes. Teen nights and crafts too!
Our library even has a drive-thru so you don’t have to get out of your car to pick things up!
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algerian-lady · 2 months ago
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Me, a lady, enjoying female characters in certain medias and considering it peak representation.
Me logging on in here to discover the discourse ppl have abt how sexualized those characters are and how the whole show is directed towards a male audience.
Me: :D
Well fuck me, maybe i like my female characters to be a lil freaky, perfect/imperfect/majorely flawed, given many Ls, alluring in a conventional/unconventional way? what if she shows a little skin and has this dumb crush towards this useless male or she is doomed by the narrative? leave me alone, you're not my mom >O<
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koa-z · 2 months ago
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artistic semi-nudity wip based on the outfit from this post
I am both excited for and afraid of rendering the lace robe when it comes time to paint
but I tried to adhere to a similar manga style for his face before realizing that I'd really like to do semi-realism instead so.......... *minecraft standing in lava sound effect*
It looks so flat rn and I know that SOME of that is absence of rendering but also the pose needs more depth so I may bring the closer arm forward a bit more and modify the legs
anyway lots going into this
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