#i'm actually fine i think it's just my hormones and being angry at the world

[elderwisp]

women rage, u know what i'm sayin?

[blueraspberrycoke]

Best college research is in USA cost vs degree use which has a list of schools, this gives you the best loan for degree cost of the degree is the goal. Look at that and the subject then online at the best cross matches. Unless you want a social experience mostly then whatever vibes. Listen you know anti-trans bigotry like in your about has NO ethical point in feminism, it's just bigotry.

Thank you for the advice on college :)

I'm not a bigot. I'm not anti-trans. I don't think trans people are inherently evil. But I do not believe you can change your biological sex. I do not believe allowing trans women into women's sports, changing rooms, sexualities (lesbians being pressured to date trans women), etc. is good for women and girls. It's not just a belief I have, it's factually proven to be dangerous to put TW in women's prisons (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and in bathrooms (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 [5 is written by a trans woman]).

I'm not saying I hate trans people or that I don't trust them or that teens/children who identify as transgender are "broken" or "wrong" like people have said I do. I think we have manipulated an entire generation of lesbians and homosexual boys (though not all trans-identified people are homosexual/bisexual) into believing they have to be the opposite sex. We've lied to dysphoric teens and told them they're going to die if they don't recieve gender-affirming care (see all the posts on the protecttranskids, transgenocide, transrights etc. hashtags).

This is also evident in that anytime you question someone who says trans people are experiencing a genocide, especially a younger person (like a teenager who gets all their information from Instagram and TikTok) they actually can't come up with a single example. Even when they bring up the so-called "anti-trans legislature" being passed in the United States, they can't name any specific bans, because that actually does not exist. What I linked for you is HB1276, which, if you read it, allows minors who underwent sexual reassignment surgery to sue their doctors up to 30 years after they turn 18 for malpractice if they regret surgery. Trans Legislation Tracker labels this an "anti-trans" bill.

They have reason to regret it, too. Lupron, the drug administered in FtM transition to dysphoric females, has painful and sometimes deadly side effects that gender-affirming medical clinics will not disclose with you in full. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Also, a disproportionate amount of FtM females are autistic, homosexual, and depressed. I care especially about these women because I'm eighteen, autistic, and a lesbian, so I really resonate with their pain and struggle. I'm not disgusted by transgender individuals and I'm not angry with them. I feel terrible for them. And I want to help.

What I think we have in the world now is an extreme lack of education. It's harming girls and women my age, when there are more affordable and better options. We've known for a long time doctors will push medicines that don't work/shouldn't be as expensive as they are in order to make money (I'm talking about things like selling insulin for $500 a vial. I'm not talking about things like vaccines.).

If you want to change your name and use other pronouns, cool, fine, whatever. I don't care what you do with your life, your money, and your time. But don't call yourself male or female when you're not. See my pinned post for why doing so harms women and men.

Transgenderism is motivated by misogyny. Go to any of the subreddits created for TW (r/Egg_irl, r/MtF, r/transgender [though that one contains trans men also]) and you'll see in every "How I knew I was trans" post that these people consider being female synonymous with being feminine, and it isn't. I'm not feminine. Does that make me a man? No. It just makes me a nonfeminine woman.

I'm not denying the existence of gender dysphoria. Many of my mutuals are desisted females who still struggle with it. But hormone therapy/SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) are very clearly not the answer. I hope this helps you understand my position better. I also hope I've not come across as condescending or patronizing in any way.

[bsgpiece]

Does Nami have moments during her pregnancy when she's lonely and wants Sanji by her side, but also when doesn't want him being overly affectionate? It must scare the guys with a Nami with emotions all over the place on the ship.

Hahaha yesss!!! I mean, she's already Nami! She's probably like this even without all the hormones!

Pregnancy by itself is really scary, and definetely will make Nami feel lonely sometimes. You know, mothers carry all the weight of the world on their shoulders, right? And that's the best part about being with Sanji for her. He's very sensitive and we know he would never get angry at her. She's Nami and she can feel whatever she wants to him!

He'll be there when she wants him around, and caring for her from distance when she's not in the mood for love stuff. At the end he'll even know when she says she doesn't want him around but she actually does and wants him holding her really tight and saying it'll be alright. Saying they will be good parents, that she'll be the best mother in the world, that their child will love her more than any person on the planet. He'll just know.

Pregnancy will bring them closer than ever. They always made a pretty good team, but being parents will really stand that out.

However, Sanji will get very confused until he understands how those mood swings work 🤭 I imagine him running to hug her and receiving a disgusted face and be like "oh my God what did I do this time?" and 30 minutes later she'll pull him by his shirt with a baby face saying like "don't you love me anymore?? 🥺🥺🥺💔" and he justs combusts feeling like the worst partner ever 🤣🤣

The rest of the crew won't be as understable as Sanji, of course lol they are just really scared of her! Even Robin would tease her sometimes with a "Is it okay to talk to you now or is the baby in a bad mood?"

The guys at some point will just watch her from a certain distance until she says out loud "IT'S FINE GUYS I'M NORMAL". Of course it will annoy her sometimes and when the guys come out thinking it's safe she beats all of them 🤣

Nami is probably the first pregnant woman all of them ever lived with, so it'll be very challenging for them!!! We know, tough, they all love Nami very much, and will support her through this phase in their own ways and deep down she knows and cherishes it very much 💕.

Sorry I couldn't sketch anything for you, I won't be able to draw something for all the questions or I'll never answer them all 😭 but I love receiving them, so keep asking!!!

Thank you very much if you read until here!

[pennycutenice]

Transness, weird signs, pain and becoming a great actor because of it

To me thinking about the following thing no longer triggers emotional reactions, but is probably triggering for some, so be warned and look at the tags please.

I just remembered a weird sign of me being trans going back to puberty ten years ago. I was obsessed with chemical castration. Like, I wanted to be chemically castrated so bad I envied sex criminals that forcefully got the drugs. I tried to find stuff I could get my hands on regularly for many years because having erections was so awful. It frustrated me and made me angry. And since this topic is so taboo I could not talk to anyone about it. So I was just in distress regularly for years until my general bleak outlook on life killed any healthy biological function down there for the most part lol.

Today I am angry at the world. Had I been taught what transness (or autism) is at any point in my life so much pain could have been prevented. Like, I am an obvious case. I wanted girl toys and was mostly friends with girls until puberty and literally wished to wake up as a girl and read gender bending stories und layed awake at night angry about my awful boy body. But nobody noticed my distress. To be fair, I hid it better and better over time. If physical pain patients learn to manage abhorrent pain without looking out of the ordinary after some time that's probably possible for emotional pain aswell.

After getting antidepressants and hormones I was genuinely shocked to realize that I could smile honestly that much. Because I am very good at faking a good mood when I feel like I need to to circumvent social punishment. Only about three times in my adult life was my mental health bad enough for me to be able to fake a great mood.

I'm a kinda good actor because of this. I realized young how hiding my emotional state trained my acting capabilities. I won competitions for being able to believably switch between emotions. I went from a very expressive kid in colorful clothing to a numb pessimistic suicidal depressive adult wearing grey every day over seven years because I was weird and wrong and got bullied for it and had no idea what was going on. It was awful.

Now I know I wasn't wrong. I was trans. I was neurodivergent. But since I never actually knew what that meant I just suffered. So god fucking damn it, I want the kids these days to know. Minimize the pain by telling them about how different people can be and how completely okay it is to be this way. You are good. Being like you is fine. You are on your very own spectrum of awesome, kiddos. Don't you ever forget!!!

Anyway now I'm on hormone replacement therapy and chemically castrated by it lmao.

[songficsbyrissi]

Halo (T’Challa x Reader)

Warnings: postpartum depression, angst, fluff, just be ready to feel a lot of things if you decide to read.

“Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace” - Beyoncé

A/N: I should be updating my series and fulfilling my requests and doing so many other things, but when a writing idea comes to me, I take it so I don’t fuck around and end up stuck like I was before.

Anywho, you can consider this as part 2 of the “Make A Baby” one shot and I will link it here for anyone who wants to read it.

I suddenly felt the need to write something that discusses PPD and shows that life after a baby is not always rainbows and kittens and having the right partner and people around is very important. I am hoping I conveyed this right. I’m going off stories I’ve read from women who suffered from PPD and my own research. I apologize if I don’t do this topic justice but please know I tried my best. Praying for healthy and safe deliveries for all the future mommies 💖

*****************

It’s the most wonderful day for the kingdom of Wakanda. An heir was born.

Princess Nobomi Udaku entered the world. Her name meaning “life”, she gave that to her family and everyone who knew about her.

Except for the most important person. Her mother.

Your husband King T’Challa fawned over her even more since she was born. She was a perfect mix of you two, having both of your features. T’Challa’s high cheekbones, your smooth brown skin, his tight curls, and your big beautiful eyes. She was perfect, but you looked at her and felt nothing. You couldn’t help the blank expression on your face when she was on your chest, doing skin to skin. It’s not that you didn’t love her. How could you not love her? She’s yours! Shit, you asked for her. You spent 9 months caring and nurturing her, but why did you feel nothing when you looked at her?

T’Challa, being the observant husband he was, noticed the joy you had during pregnancy disappeared once your child actually came that day. Filled with concern, he asked his mother, and she simply replied:

“My son, she spent hours in labor and given birth. She is exhausted. She will be fine.”

By day 2, you had multiple mood swings. You were irritable. You didn’t want to be around your baby, but sad that you weren’t around her. What added to your sadness was you not breastfeeding as much you planned to because you were not producing as much milk as she needed. You were already not bonding with her, but now you could barely do the ultimate bonding activity. It sucked. It hurt.

“Why am I not producing enough milk, T’Challa?!” You questioned him angrily as if he was responsible for your lack of supply.

He was taken aback by your outburst. “I-I do- I do not know, my love, but you will.”

“Get out of here, T’Challa.” You turned your back to him to cry. When he attempted to touch you, you pushed him away.

“I SAID LEAVE!”

He scurried out of the room and went to the doctor monitoring you and Nobomi. The doctor informed the king that you were suffering from “baby blues” which occurs in a lot of women after giving birth.

“You see, my king, the queen’s hormones are very out of order and should return back to normal in a couple of days. If not, then we must be really concerned.”

And he was. Nobomi was now 2 weeks old and still lacking a bond with her mother. You tried your best but Whenever she would cry, you felt agitated. You allowed the housemaids to tend to the baby while you slept….a lot. You didn’t feel like dealing with your own child. What kind of mother feels like that?

I am such a terrible mother. She doesn’t deserve me. You couldn’t help but think every day.

You laid in bed crying into your pillow and T’Challa entered the bedroom, with his heartbreaking into pieces.

“Y/N, what is going on? You’ve barely spent time with Nobomi. She needs her mother.”

You snapped up from the king-size bed with angry tears in your eyes. “Don’t you think I know that?!?! I’m not fucking stupid, T’Challa! I know she needs a mother! But that’s not me!” You scrambled out of bed and ran into your bathroom, locking the door behind you and releasing your sobs to yourself. Your heart was even more agony now that you got confirmation that you were a shitty mother.

T’Challa rested against the bathroom door, listening to your sobs, and felt pain as well. He felt guilty for approaching you like that, but he needed to know what was going on with you. His beautiful baby girl has barely experienced her wonderful mother and he didn’t know why. This wasn’t exhaustion or the baby blues. This was far more severe.

“Honey, I’m sorry for speaking to you in that manner. I am just…very concerned. I can not read your mind and you are not talking to me.”

After a few moments of silence, you opened your mouth to respond.

“I know….I’m sorry. I’m fine. I’m just overwhelmed. That’s all.”

T’Challa held back a sigh of relief. “Just come with me to the nursery to see our baby girl.”

You reluctantly opened the door and took your husband’s hand on the trip to the nursery. The pink and yellow nursery was designed beautifully for a little Princess.

You remembered spending every day in it talking to your belly. It caused you to tear up a bit, but you held back. You and your husband’s faces hovered over the crib where Nobomi was just waking up.

“Hi, my nkosazana.” T’Challa grinned widely, and you could see a hint of a smile on her little face. You forced yourself to say something. You finally breathed out:

“Hey, Nobomi. It’s mommy.”

She stared up at you with the big brown eyes you gave her. You cracked a little bit of a smile and picked her up. You sat down on the rocking chair in the nursery and held her close to your chest. You stared at her as she cooed and still….nothing.

T’Challa received a call on his beads and sucked his teeth. “I have to go, sthandwa.”

Panic spread throughout your body when he spoke those words. “No! You can’t leave!”

“Y/N-“

“I don’t wanna be left alone with her! Please!” You pleaded with tears rushing down your face. Your distress caused the baby in your arms to feel it and begin to wail. “See! I’m hurting her!”

T’Challa quickly swooped in and took Nobomi from you. As soon as he did that, you ran out of the nursery. This caused him to sigh and calm your daughter down. He sadly planted a kiss on her tiny forehead.

“I don’t know what’s going on with your mother, ngelosi yam, but I will find out.”

Once he got Nobomi to drift back to sleep, he called the palace doctor before him. He explained what has happened the first week of Nobomi’s life and how you weren’t the doting mother you all thought you would be.

“The queen is suffering from postpartum depression, my king.”

“I never heard of a thing.” T’Challa was genuinely confused. He did know you were depressed. How could he not? He just didn’t understand why.

“Why is she depressed? We have the child we’ve wanted for a long time. She should be happy.”

“It’s not that she is not happy, my king. Her hormones, her worries, the stress of dealing with a newborn, can all bring upon this depression. Allow me to explain more.”

The doctor continued to go in-depth with explaining how postpartum depression affected new mothers. It gave T’Challa a better understanding of what you were going through. He requested for the doctor to help, but he knew he had to be there for you too.

He came to see you in the bedroom again and no surprise, you were in bed with a despaired look on your face. Once you saw his face, you wanted to die even more. This wasn’t only hurting you, it was hurting him too. It was hurting your baby. He got into bed and after a few moments of silence, he spoke.

“What did you mean when you said Nobomi needs a mother and it’s not you?”

You were shocked he remembered you saying that. You sighed deeply, shaking your head and turning away from him.

“You won’t understand, T’Challa.”

He turned your body back towards him and stared into your eyes. “You’re not letting me understand. We are one, sthandwa. You can not keep pushing me away.”

You gulped hard, fighting back your tears. “I know she’s mine but it doesn’t feel like it and I feel so bad. She deserves a mother that’s happy to be around her and I’m not. I feel nothing! And I don’t understand because those 9 months I spent with her in my belly, I felt so close to her but now she’s actually here and I feel nothing. I’m nothing!”

He grabbed your face. “Do not. Do not say that. You are everything to me and you are everything for her. Do not say you’re nothing.”

You began to cry some more. “How can you even say that? You take to fatherhood so much better than I take to motherhood. She came from me and I’m scared to be around her! Sometimes, I feel like she’s better off without me!”

“Do you truly think that?!” T’Challa unintentionally snapped but calmed down. “You really think any of us would be better off without you? We won’t. Nobomi needs you. I need you. Your kingdom needs you. You have to believe me when I say you are needed.”

You looked down to avoid his eyes. You knew he was telling the truth, but you couldn’t believe it.

“I know you love our little girl. You loved her before she was even created. If you didn’t love her, you wouldn’t be telling me this. You wouldn’t tell me you were afraid to be around her. You love her. You’re just going through a lot right now and you need help. You’ve been telling me this and I’m sorry I have failed to listen but I hear you. I see you. We’re gonna get some help. We are going to get better, I promise you that.”

You were full-on sobbing now, and your husband held you tight. You let out all the emotions you tried so desperately to hold back. “Why do I feel so hopeless?! Why?!”

He rubbed your back in a comforting manner. “I don’t know, my love. But I have your back. We’ll get through this.”

You began counseling, which helped you realize that you weren’t alone. You heard the stories about a lot of women who went through this devil of a disease called postpartum depression. Although a busy king, T’Challa made time to help more with Nobomi and be with you whenever you were with her. Your mother-in-law and your sister-in-law didn’t hesitate to help out as well. Apparently, Ramonda had no idea about PPD, but she experienced it. She didn't get the support you did. Back then, people were convinced it was a spiritual issue. She was determined to learn and help you through it.

Weeks later and a day came that you felt comfortable to be with Nobomi by yourself. You went into the nursery, ready to breastfeed. You learned natural remedies to get the milk coming, so you knew you could do it this time. A housemaid was attempting to calm a restless Nobomi down, and you took your baby from her, dismissing her. She was hesitant and calmly left, but ran for your husband once she was out of your sight.

Nobomi instantly latched on to you and drank from you. Once she was finished and you burped her, she let the most beautiful sound you ever heard. It was a beautiful giggle followed by a smile that was made for you. Suddenly, it all hit you. A rush of happiness, joy, and love came barreling in and you left so many kisses on her face. This is your daughter. This is yours. She’s yours. You knew you loved her with every fiber of your being, but now you finally felt it, and the feeling was pretty damn amazing.

“Is everything alright, my queen?” T’Challa questioned, walking towards the two of you. He had watched the whole scene but decided to act clueless. “You’re crying.”

You nodded, vigorously with a smile on your face. “Yes! I am! Because I’m so happy. T’Challa, I love her! I love her with all of my heart. I love her so much, I don’t think there’s any more space for you.”

T’Challa chuckled, kissing your forehead. “I will….I will try to be ok with that.”

You giggled happily. “You don’t have a choice.” You looked up to see him grinning in admiration, and you couldn’t help, but pull him in a loving kiss.

“I love you, my king.”

“I love you, my queen.”

TAGS: @iamrheaspeaks @chaneajoyyy​ @dramaqueeenamby​ @marvelmaree​ @guccixcucci​i @brattywriters-anonymous @cancerianprincess​ @creole-mami​ @maddiestundentwritergaines​ @blowmymbackout @ljstraightnochaser @blackpinup22 @airis-paris14 @vibranium-chakra @sociallyawkward18 @chefjessypooh @mychemicalimagines @nerd-lovely @slimmiyagi @imasmille @ashanti-notthesinger @thehomierobbstark @give-me-a-million-dollars-pls @quietstorm-73 @90sinspiredgirl​ @lewatigress @kaykay0829 @queennanayaa @mysticbrownie @holy-minseok @queenof-wakanda @destinio1 @raysunshine78 @amelatonin​ @lewatigress​ @ambthegamer​ @fandom-fangirl22​ @catzspaceships​ @darkskin-buttercup​ @blackrockshooter780​

[kinksvt]

→ pairing: wonwoo x reader

♕ summary: you and wonwoo had veen friends for a while but after some unknown tension, that changes.

✱ genre/warnings: friends to lovers!au, kissing

✱ word count: 1.8k

part one / part three

"how about truth or dare?" jihoon suggested.

"what are we, eighth graders?" jeonghan complained, rolling his eyes.

"got a better idea?" jihoon snapped back.

"yeah, actually," jeonghan paused, "anything but that."

"you're just scared that someone will give you a dare that you don't wanna do." jihoon pressed at jeonghan, wanting him to give in.

he scoffed in return, "scared? no way, i just don't wanna play that dumb game."

"then suggest a better one, yoon." minghao butted in, stopping the two from fighting.

“hmm, how about spin the bottle?"

"how's that any better than truth or dare?"

"you really want to have the chance of kissing one of the guys?" you laughed at the ridiculous game that angsty teens like to play just to get with their crush at a party.

"no of course not." jeonghan turned around towards you, "i wanna get the chance of kissing you of course." he threw a wink towards your way and you feigned a puking noise.

little did you know, wonwoo was giving jeonghan a serious death stare, getting jealous.

"fine. i guess we'll play spin the bottle." jihoon agreed and got out an empty beer bottle that one of them finished earlier before.

"how about we make this more interesting?” wonwoo started.

"we're listening." jeonghan replied, leaning in.

"you have to last a minute kissing, and you can't touch the other no matter what." wonwoo told his challenge to everyone.

"oh my god."

"i don't wanna kiss one of you dicks for a minute!"

"take it or leave it. if you lose, remove a piece of clothing."

"WONWOO WHAT THE HELL?"

"alright." jeonghan piped up, "i wanna get the chance of seeing y/n naked."

"shut up." you couldn't hide the blush that began forming on your cheeks.

and wonwoo didn't like that.

jihoon leaned into the circle everyone made with their bodies and spun the bottle.

everyone's heart began to beat a bit faster as the neck of the bottle passed them until it began slowing down.

landing on wonwoo.

"fuck that. what if we don't want to kiss them??"

"then you remove two pieces of clothing." you suddenly said before thinking.

"fine with me." jihoon took both his socks off.

“oh please, kissing me isn't that bad." wonwoo only said in reply.

"to me, it is. go jeong"

jeonghan was on the right of jihoon. following the younger's actions, he leaned in and spun the bottle.

you were suddenly the most nervous out of the group. but also a bit excited. the thought of being able to kiss jeonghan wasn't something you were totally against.

"minghao!" jihoon exclaimed.

"nope." jeonghan shook his head furiously and removed his socks, mimicking jihoon's previous choice.

"this isn't going to be any fun if you all just skip your turn." you complained.

minghao was next, he stretched and spun the bottle.

"jihoon."

"will one of you fucking kiss already? this is so boring." you didn't want all of the boys to wait until they landed on you, since you were the only girl. jihoon rolled his eyes while minghao scooted over to him. "how long do we have to last?" the youngest in the group questioned.

"one minute." you said, getting your phone out to time. "ready, set..go."

after clicking the timer, the two boys leaned in, connecting their lips. no one dared to even breathe. both of them had their eyes closed, lips not moving. only a few seconds passed and jihoon pulled back slightly and went back in. they started to disconnect and reconnect their lips. minghao had moved closer to the older, the kiss getting hotter by each second. literally.

"time.." you said in a trance once the timer went off, your eyes focused on the two. they pulled away slowly, faces flushed.

jeonghan, wonwoo and you looked at the two, wondering what the fuck just happened. minghao coughed, "s-so, uh, y/n, your turn!" he quickly shuffled over to his spot next to you.

your heart began to beat a bit faster as you took your turn. watching the bottle spin around the circle of you five.

"jeonghan!"

you made eye contact with jeonghan, seeing him smirk lightly. he patted his lap, "come to daddy." your eyes widened at jeonghan's nickname for himself.

“gross. please don't say that." you mocked, but deep down that had turned you on slightly.

wonwoo stared at jeonghan, wanting to murder him. you made your way over to jeonghan hesitantly.

"ready?" jihoon used your phone for the next timer, "go."

slowly but surely, jeonghan turned his head to the right slightly and leaned in, your lips connecting.

the whole moment—the whole situation—felt unreal. his lips were soft and you could slightly taste the alcohol he had from earlier that night, slightly mixed with faint cherries. your heart began to race faster as jeonghan bit your lower lip, forgetting there was three other people watching you. jeonghan didn't care though, he was glad to finally be able to kiss you and feel you against him. he wanted more of you. he trailed his tongue on your lower lip, asking for entrance, which you allowed. he didn't waste anytime before delving his tongue into your mouth, catching yours.

you didn't know what you were doing. you were sitting in a circle, with three other guys watching you and jeonghan make out. one of them being the guy you supposedly have feelings for. so why were you kissing jeonghan? you had absolutely no idea. maybe it was the situation or the situation mixed with the alcohol still in your system. but with the movie getting your hormones and needs up, all you wanted was to kiss someone. even if it was jeonghan and sadly not wonwoo. jeonghan's hands gripped his own thighs, holding back the urge of wanting to pull you closer and run his fingers through your hair. your tongues danced in unison, making quiet sloppy noises in the dead silent room. you felt yourself getting even wetter—which, at that moment, you thought was impossible. boy, was that man good with his tongue. he kept brushing his muscle against your own, like he was in his own world with you and three other guys weren't staring the two of you down.

"time.." jihoon said, but you couldn't hear. your hearing was filled with a fuzzy buzz from the amount of euphoria running through your veins, just from jeonghan.

he couldn't take it anymore. he removed his hands from his thighs and pulled you closer to him. you decided to break the rule yourself and make a mess of his hair between your fingers. you pulled on his hair slightly making him moan into your mouth.

"time!" jihoon repeated, obvious you two didn't quite hear him the first time.

wonwoo was beyond furious. he couldn't believe that the mouth he has been wanting to feel on his own for so long was mouth fucking with another guy. and it wasn't him. he clenched his jaw, seeing jeonghan's hands move all around your back. his hand traveled lower and lower-

"HE SAID 'TIME!' GODDAMN IT."

the room fell silent. you and jeonghan stopped what you were doing and pulled away from the other, a trail of saliva connecting your lower lips. your cheeks turned a bright pink, a wave of heat engulfing your entire body. jeonghan smirked as he watched you get up and head back to your spot next to minghao. he licked his lips while seeing you so bothered by the kiss between you two. wonwoo sat back down, too angry to even look in your way. but the thought poked at the back of his mind, why should he be mad at you?

"i-i think we should uhm, s-stop here.." minghao said in a quiet voice, afraid of wonwoo and his outburst.

"agreed.." jihoon chimed in lightly.

suddenly, there were loud footsteps and a shirtless seungcheol entering the living room. "the fuck's going on??" he must've heard wonwoo's yelling.

"n-nothing.." minghao stuttered.

the oldest saw the bottle in the middle of the room. "are you 14 year olds seriously playing spin the fucking bottle?"

jeonghan nodded, smiling innocently.

"and you little shits didn't even bother to invite me?"

"we didn't want to interrupt your," jihoon paused for dramatic effect and raised his fingers, "nap." using air quotes.

"shut up, jihoon." he ran his fingers through his damp hair. "anyways, why the hell did wonwoo yell?"

minghao laughed slightly, making everyone look back at him.

"what's so funny, hao?" wonwoo asked, not laughing nor smiling.

"n-nothing. nothing's funny, wonwoo."

you mentally face palmed yourself. you totally forgot you basically confessed your feelings about wonwoo to minghao.

there was an awkward silence that quickly filled the room.

"s-so, should we watch another movie?" minghao suggested, trying to change the subject and fill the quiet room.

"you guys can, i'm actually gonna head to bed." jihoon said, getting up.

"and you plan on going home to sleep?" seungcheol stood in front of jihoon, blocking him from going up the stairs.

"cheol, you literally have like four guest bedrooms." the smaller one complained and rolled his eyes. "now, move.”

seungcheol ended up moving and eventually, everyone went to bed. or at least to seungcheol's guest bedrooms.

you couldn't help but think back to the steamy kiss you had with jeonghan. you didn't know that such a pretty boy could be so rough and needy. especially with someone like you. you couldn't sleep. you couldn't get jeonghan, nor wonwoo off your mind. you felt like you had cheated on wonwoo with jeonghan. even though you two weren't even together. hell, you still didn't even know if he felt the same way about you. with an exhausted and tired sigh, you twisted and turned in the bed that seungcheol had offered you. you didn't feel like going back home. the room was pitch black, whole house silent. probably because everyone was asleep considering it was almost 2 am already. you turned on your back and stared up into the darkness.

little did you know though, wonwoo was awake as well, not being able to get you off of his mind.

he was so unbelievably angry at what you and jeonghan had done right in front of him. he felt betrayed, not only by the girl who he wants to give his everything to, but by his own best friend as well. jeonghan knew—or at least had a feeling—that wonwoo liked you and for some reason, making him jealous by having his tongue in your mouth right in front of him, gave him a sort of power over him. he didn't know why or what it was about you that made him get a feeling that wonwoo gets as well. but wonwoo wasn't going to let jeonghan try to take you away from him.

hell no.

over his dead body.

a/n: THIS IS VERY SHORT IM SORRY BUT THERES SMUT IN THE NEXT PART GET READY YALL

[backseat-imagines]

sleepsunderthesun: Can you do more spy s/o with the baby? I'm especially interested in Gladio possibly wanting to bond with his baby but his s/o is having a hard time letting him in again? But if you have ideas for the other chocobros for this chocohoe then I totally don't mind. :)

Why yes I can friend~ And because I too am a massive chocohoe, I’ll do a little something for all the guys!(based off of this post)

  Things were already getting awkward with Noctis, and the longer everything went on the more awkward it got. He had this partner, who was now pregnant, to worry about. But then there was the matter of Lady Lunafreya as well and he wasn’t sure how this was going to play out.  Ultimately he knew who he was likely going to choose, if he had to choose, and he really didn’t actually want to do that. In either case he would look like a bad guy to the common people and it all depended on which reputation he wanted.  Did he want to be known as the irresponsible king who couldn’t keep it in his pants where people would speculate him abandoning his bastard child? Or did he want the people to be angry with him because the peace between lands rested on his shoulders, and he would have “sacrificed” that for his own selfish heart? And he’d hate for either of them to have the possible chance of being called homewreckers. So unless he kept them a secret entirely…  As unhappy as it makes them, he has them stay behind in Cape Caem, where Iris and Talcott would keep them company and Monica would be able to help guide them along through this.  But then the unexpected happens, and after breaking into the labs in Gralea, Noctis goes missing. No one ends up sure how to break the news to them, but someone has to.  “He’ll come back,” Everyone keeps promising. But it’s been years and it’s hard to hold out hope for that Noctis will ever come back. It’s been a decade…  At this point they’re delivering supplies back and forth along with driving other hunters to and fro, always keeping their kid beside them. It’s a usual and mundane task, but sometimes life changes scenery unexpectedly; with Ignis accompanying them, they drive back to hammerhead to where Prompto and Gladio is also waiting.  It’s so rare for everyone to be gathered up like this (it’s nice, but it also creates a pang of sadness because there is one missing piece to this puzzle), but it almost seems like everyone is waiting. For what?  But then… Off in the distance there was a trail of bright lights blazing through at high speeds, cutting through the darkness and parting the sea of daemons.  Talcott was coming through and parked right in front of the garage. Suddenly it felt like the Astrals themselves came down to grace Eos that day as the passenger door opened and they saw who it was that climbed out.It’s him… They rushed towards him.  The reunion between the two of them is awkward. There’s the fear that time has turned them back into strangers. But back in the day there was a lot of unspoken feelings and they find out those has a funny way of surfacing and catching back up in their throats. So many false starts on sentences as both of them want to say something, how they felt about events of back then and how it is now, but where do they even begin to process the infatuation from ten long years ago?  Noctis almost finds himself at a loss of words because in all this time everyone else had matured and changed so much, but he was a little behind them all now. The that had changed around him, besides his appearance and acceptance to his duty clung right to the leg of his old flame; his child. Noctis finds himself speechless as he approaches his kid.  He looks at his child’s eyes and he sees so much of himself in them; uncertain and afraid. His child seems shy, but at the same time he can’t even begin to go on about how brave his kid must be because every day they’re facing a world of monsters, even if they are afraid.  And it saddens him to know that their whole life they’ve known no world outside of a monster filled one and it’s not right…  “I’ll beat the biggest, baddest and most terrifying one of them all and end this once and for all.” Noctis promises and tells them that they’ll soon get to experience a world so bright and where they won’t have to fear playing in the streets and how they’ll be able to scale the tallest mountains or catch the biggest fish- if that’s what they so wish.   Just have to wait a little longer…  Though he knows he’ll have to go soon, he still takes a couple of days to catch back up with the guys, and his partner (though could he call them that still? He’s not even sure), and to get to know his own kid as well as two days can even permit him.  And it hurts him to know this is his only and last chance to even do this…

—————————-

  Good luck seemed scarce these days and the bad luck seemed to be always looming over in one form or another. Or so it felt. Ignis’s partner did manage to make a brief return to the Empire, but that didn’t last very long… And so they came back and rushed for the well needed warmth of his arms.  At long last their time with the Nifs was coming to an end. At least they could try to reforge a life away from then and all that and he would support them and try to offer any help he could, when he could. And so he and the rest safely escorted them to Meldacio. Surrounded by mostly strong and skilled hunters, it was quiet and perhaps they could find some peace with it being in such a remote location.  But then Altissia happened…  Despite all recommendation of them needing to sit back and take it easy just to help the pregnancy along, they came on out anyways- much to even Ignis’s dismay. But what else were they supposed to do? The team was nearly one man down entirely(he shouldn’t push himself like this either) so briefly coming back to aid them was a risk they were willing to take. At least for now.   Though everyone did come to a compromise where they could come with, but they’d stay back and play healer by tossing the potions out. And they would help guide Ignis along when he needed it.  Things were a tad difficult. Ignis got frequently annoyed as his partner tried to help him adjust because he felt that they were trying to baby him too often, even if they really weren’t, and it sometimes had him feeling useless and lord knows that wasn’t a good combination with their heightened emotions from the hormones. So many silly misunderstandings got caused by this.  However, after the last incident on the train just shortly after finding the last tomb, it was agreed on that from here on out it was too risky for his partner to remain with the group. They stayed back with Aranea, who later took them back to Lucis and would wait for him.  Ignis comes back, and the both of them try to adjust to the new fate that’s been handed down to them. He hears the sadness in their voice when they say how short the days are getting and when it fades into nothing but a constant night. He can sense light and it saddens him when he stops noticing any adjustments through the day, but it’s only so much sadder when they talk about it. That’s not a world he wants them to live in, nor his child, and he’s not going to let anything stop him from changing the current state of it.  Once the child is a few years old, the two of them start to switch up who’s at home and who’s out to hunt. Ignis wishes this could be different, he wants more time with the both his partner and child, but he can at the very least cherish the time he gets with his kid when he’s back on his downtime.  He may be blind, but Ignis knows that his child is the most beautiful one in the world. And about the most spoiled as well…

—————————-

The Amicitia line has not been one to so quickly abandoned any of their own flesh and blood. And Gladio isn’t wanting to be the one who changes that now. If Gladio didn’t know better, just by the thought alone he could swear that the spirits of his parents where there behind him and breathing down his neck, ready to shake their heads in disappointment over the possibility of it.  But the problem here wasn’t that he didn’t want to be in his child’s life (the child was his, he ought to be there for them), but it’s that his ex partner… isn’t so keen on the idea.  “I’m fine Gladio. I’ve been taking care of the kid just fine on my own so far, I don’t need your help.”  “It’s not a matter of help-”  “I know…” They interrupted.  “It’s probably a matter of pride.”   “Don’t start putting words in my mouth…”  They were set firmly in their stance and was trying to keep Gladio at arm’s length so to speak. Not that he could really blame them. That fight was more than enough to ruin what they had and keep it all strained. But it also didn’t help his case that they were already fairly independent too.  When they said they didn’t need him they meant it. With sheer determination alone he was sure they would make it through any struggle, and they were sure of that too. But again, it’s not a matter of need.  Nor obligation either. Gladio wanted to be a part of his own kids life and- “The kid needs a father,” he tries to reason- as far as he was concerned it was unfair for the child to not have both of them in their life. But as hard work as being a parent is he didn’t think it was fair for all responsibility to rest on their shoulders. He helped make this bed, he should be able to lie in it by splitting that duty.  But try as Gladio might, he was unable to sway them. However this was not the last of this they’d hear of the subject for he already vowed to come back when all is said and done.  And he does… When the world turns to darkness Gladio is desperate to know if the two of them are okay. Are they still alive? Are they okay? Where are they at and how are they managing? He finally finds the two out in the wilderness and somehow avoiding all the daemons as they try to travel to where it’s rumored to be safe.  That’s when things start to change.  They and Gladio aren’t exactly together, but they go back to being on decent terms. Enough so that they share their home with Gladio. They take turns on who goes out to hunt, which means Gladio gets to be a bigger part of his child’s life now since he watches over the kid while the other is out to fight daemons.

—————————-

  By the end of the day, it’s just the two of them; them and Prompto. And if there was one thing they could take any kind of comfort in it’s that at least they still have him… They have him.  And Prompto still can’t to help but to be a worrywart about them either. He’s so far away now that he’s convinced them to go back to hammerhead. But it’s where they’ll be safe, back with Cid and Cindy, and Takka too. Just he sometimes he wonders if maybe he wasn’t being selfish about sending them away, and he feels guilty for not being around to keep an eye on them and make sure they’ll be okay.  But he keeps calling in every day. Or at least tries to; sometimes he gets so exhausted that he finally sits down and passes out nigh instantly, and remains out for the rest of that night and until the middle of the next day. Which is something he always profusely apologizes for.  “It won’t be like this for long! I promise I’ll be back to you in the blink of an eye!” He promises once he’s back that the both of them can start making plans.  The plans, however, was going from Hammerhead to Lestallum once Eos found itself lost. Naturally it was something Prompto was already going to suggest with the daemons being everywhere (though Hammerhead was always bright and safe) just because he wanted them to be safe. But doubly so now that they were with child and it wouldn’t be too long before he was a father. He wanted to ensure that day would come.  Though once the children had been born, Prompto took quite a bit of time away from the daemon hunting- something that him and Gladio had gotten into a spat over; him disapproving because Prompto should be out there fighting to help make sure the world was going to be safe. Stress and tension had been high and Prompto understood that, but he didn’t stand for being told if he really loved or cared then he should be out their taking a stand and risking himself… His partner needed this time with him now more than ever, and so did his child. And him being around to help take care of the kids helped when it came to them and having to work through postpartum.  Prompto tries his best to be a good father during the time he’s getting to spend there. The children don’t understand everything of what he’s saying yet, they’re still too young for that yet, but that doesn’t stop him from telling about his journey to the little ones. Or from pampering them constantly.  The world might be dark, but there is those little bright moments where he falls asleep with one or both children resting on his chest- they break out his now-cracked camera to snap a quick one, or the fun of them getting to witness a baby puking on him for the first time.Eventually the day comes where he has to go back out; continue his training and go back to fight the good fight. It’s hard for him to depart his home like this, it’s hard on them all. But he must… He must.

[rogue-bard]

I didn't quite realize the number of fics with overly emotional Tony. I thought it was just me gravitating toward it. I wonder if there's a way to encourage writing a bit more variety in Tony-centric stuff. I want other people to find relief in it too, if they so choose.  (I'm sitting here trying to think of which author I can have that discussion with and how to word it.) I want you to have you!Tony too. I started crying reading your answer. How sad is that? Not even in a bad way, (1 of 4)

(2 of 4) but I'm laughing at myself for being an emotional dweeb. I've been told before that I'm not pathetic, and on good days I believe it. On so-so days it's still a habit to use that descriptor? On bad days. . . I see myself as a constant burden. (I've slept now so I don't feel as rough as when I sent the asks. Today feels like a so-so day.) You what's frustrating? That I understand that people may not be able to carry the weight of my issues on top of whatever they've got going on(3 of 4) in their lives,  that no one is required to, and yet I still feel extra bad when I can't go to them. It's like screaming and nobody can hear me, but i know that's not what it is. Then I feel like I'm selfish on top of everything else. It doesn't help that I have a habit of trying to take on all their stuff. They need to vent, talk, get away, etc. I'm there in my beat up old pick up truck as fast as he can go. Even if they don't ask, I'm plotting ways to try to alleviate some of the(4 of 4) issues. This has proved to be very unhealthy for me at times. I had a counselor once who tried talking to me about taking on everybody's problems. I'm such a mess. I have slowly been learning who I can talk to and who I can't. And unfortunately I had 3 friends who I had to remove from my life. The level of bad that happened with them was debilitating. I'm not going to go into all of that nastiness. Thank you for caring and understanding. I didn't know I needed that. You're so awesome.

I’m just writing Tony-centric fanfic myself these days, so I guess, I’m trying to fill the niche. ;)But maybe, I’ve just not been looking hard enough. I don’t read too much fanfiction, so I probably over-generalized about Tony being “always” like that. So it’s not too bad for me that I didn’t find any yet, you don’t need to go through any trouble for that!

Being an emotional dweeb sounds totally fine to me! And it’s surely healthier than being emotionally constipated or having anger management issues or something like that. Crying is not that bad - I’ve heard that the tears transport an abundance of hormones (happy, sad, angry, etc.) out of the body and that’s why we do it (I haven’t checked that though but I like thinking it’s true). So crying is actually a good thing and makes us more emotionally balanced!Society is pretty shitty for making us feel bad for doing it, but then, society rules are rarely practical, so what did I expect.

I know the feeling of being a burden a bit. It’s harsh…But from what you say that you’re always there for your friends even when they don’t ask for it, maybe they’re even glad if they can help you or at least listen to and be there for you when you’re down, because they also feel a bit of a burden to you? Maybe I’m projecting a bit, but I often find myself glad when a friend asks me for something because I’m a bit of an emotional freeloader.Even if they have a lot on their plate, helping you might even help them. Okay, I’m going out on a limb here, because I only know this for myself and I’m by no means a psychologist or anything, but: If I feel like my world comes crashing down and someone tells me about their problems that are unrelated to mine, and we talk about it a bit, I always feel better afterwards. A) because I’m not the only one who doesn’t get their life together and B) because even if I didn’t manage my own sh*t yet, I at least managed to listen and maybe help a bit with theirs, so I DID accomplish something. Small victories can go a long way in motivation for problem-solving!Plus, I think if it’s too much, saying “I’m sorry, I can’t even deal with my own stuff right now” is something I expect people to be able to do. I mean, it’s understandable and not rude or anything, so I don’t see why I or they shouldn’t be able to say it.

And I’m glad to hear you managed to cut people out that were bad for you. It’s a hard process, especially if you’ve never needed to do it before and don’t know that it’s gonna be worth it.I think that’s ultimately better for everybody involved. I just can’t imagine that being the bad end of a shitty relationship doesn’t make them feel at least a little guilty either. Not that that should be your concern in a case like that.I’m just saying, if you do happen to feel bad for their sake about cutting them out, then that might be something to keep in mind.

And thank you for talking to me, too!It’s not like I get nothing out of it. :) So you’re awesome yourself!

[xayneyierz]

I just feel so. so. so. sad but pls don't read and get triggered I'm emotional and hormones are raging

I realise we all hate bullies when we become self-aware (mercy, or not, to those who don’t) but when you realise you’ve been that way yourself one way or another when you were young or even now either consciously or unconsciously, it makes you wonder if you could have done it differently and could you have.

So I’ll start with what sparked this crazy self-reflection. Came home late had nothing to do while waiting for my hair to dry and I went to flipboard. The first thing I saw was a headline that went something like this: “Vulnerable dad tortured and made to eat his own testicle before he died”.

I mean. WTF right. This sounds like something from a fked up video game or some war crime shit.

So I read it. Not sure if it’s fake cuz after I did I couldn’t bear to read more about it and somehow I just believe that there are people who are perfectly capable of this and have the gall to plead not guilty. And it wasn’t even like that guy did anything. At least from what I read.

And then I stumbled across this article about a youtube account that posts videos of the parents pranking their kids. Just that the pranks go way beyond what those “just for laughs, gags” do. Again I only watched a sort of reaction video where the guy spliced some of the worst moments. Basically the parents would pretend one of the kids did something bad by deliberately setting them up, and then angrily confront them in like typical angry hollering and cursing parent way.

For one, any parent that curses at their child deserves hell. I don’t need to explain it.

And then the child is seen to repeatedly deny it and then burst out crying. Or in other videos they would see the older kids physically rough housing with the younger one. And according to the reaction video guy it’s mostly the same boy being targeted. Anyway i couldn’t bear to watch any more of the videos to confirm wtv. Just those scenes were enough. Apparently they’re all taken down the channel cuz they lost custody of that child and he’s now with his biological mom or sth but yknow thank heavens. But I’m sure if I search hard enough there will be reuploads and reaction videos and whatnot.

But ok and today plus yesterday I was reading koe no katachi and I watched the movie today. Basically about a boy who bullied a deaf girl and then got bullied himself when everyone else then saw him as a bully even though everyone else were just passive or even minor active bullies.

Ok so this just made me so mad and made me think so hard. To be honest with myself, and I have been for a while now, I have bullied people before. My brothers mainly. And not the kind of sibling bullying and occasional physical fights. I mean they never got out of hand especially with my parents there even though I remember this particularly bad one between my bros but my parents were always there to mediate.

The one I remember and feel guilt and regret about is when I made my brother play with my friends and I when we were in after school care and I would have him chase us and we would pretend he had mad cow disease cuz he was known to have a bad temper then.

It was fun then. I felt like we were playing together. I didn’t think anything was wrong. Then he didn’t want to do it anymore. I can’t remember what happened but when I thought about this incident a decade later I realised what it was and how he might have felt. But then I simply did not feel that way. Waa it ignorance? Was it plain neglect? Or was it that I was not taught to feel for others? Or think about other people’s feelings? Or maybe not taught, but I simply did not have the empathy in me. I don’t know.

But one thing my parents did that I hope I won’t if I ever do procreate was cane me for supposed lack of responsibility over my brothers. Things they thought I should do, roles they thought I should assume because I was the oldest. Things my brothers did I was accountable for because I should have stopped them. I should have known better.

Well I didn’t. And I didn’t want that responsibility. I didn’t ask to be born first.

I actually think this is a reason I shy from responsibilities and leadership roles.

Even if my teachers think I’m responsible ha.ha.

Then in primary school I said stuff that were rather mean to two guys. I didn’t think before I talked and they sounded fine in my head but when it came out it was just all wrong. For one guy I just didn’t read the situation well and blabbed something insensitive. The other guy I was trying to say something encouraging and seem like I looked up to him but when it came out it just became mean and demeaning. My friends who were with me immediately told me that it was bad when we were out the classroom and when I looked back I realised how bad it sounded and how far off it was from what I meant. But who cares what I meant if I don’t bring it across. I thought about apologising and explaining myself but I never got the guts to so I still feel the guilt now and if the guy remembers he’ll think I’m a stuck up bitch for the rest of his life.

What I’m trying to say is, every time I read news or watch videos of bullying I always wish hell upon the bully. Especially when they’re just so exceptionally mean. But when I take a step back, like koe no katachi, what if the kid really has no idea? Taking a look at myself, I don’t consider myself a bully but I did actually bully people. My parents aren’t bad parents. I didn’t intend it. But I did bully people. And sometimes all we see is the terrible terrible consequence of bullying. And for some reason kids can be really really mean and unforgiving. We blame society, we blame their parents, we wish hell on them but what if they truly had no idea? No one told them? No one taught them?

Of course for kids who deliberately bully and know it’s wrong and shit really should go to hell especially if they never learn.

But koe no katachi is really special in the sense that we see that this boy really had no idea? In his childish mind he just saw things in black and white. It didn’t dawn on him till he became bullied. Until empathy was forced on him.

I’m not trying to sugarcoat the problem of bullying though, I’m just trying to see this from every possible side. Especially since I personally relate to this. All the episodes I recalled are my cringe moments. Moments I regret, I wish I could change. But if I were honest, I don’t think I could. Because when I was young we all knew bullying was bad. But the actual definition was iffy and you may think it’s ok but others may not. You may be able to take it but some other person may not.

I had a friend who would call me by my surname and I started calling her by hers after a while as payback but for some reason I added a “stupid” in front of it.

I thought it was ok cuz I didn’t mean it in its literal sense and I thought I was being affectionate. Until mutual friends told me it wasn’t very nice and I stopped.

I don’t think I was a very nice person. I probably am not one now. But I’ll only have my verdict once I gain more insight in the future and future me can analyse my current self like current self does with my past self.

We always have moments we want to change. If I had known - but I didn’t. If I could have phrased myself better - but my brain just chose to fart that day.

I’m just so angry cuz of this ignorance. The pain it causes people. And the pain it causes me now, knowing I caused pain in others.

Maybe the parents of those kids really thought they were just harmless pranks. Maybe they believe that it’s part of childhood to be deliberately induced to tears on a regular basis for laughs. Or be wrestled to tears and tell your parents you hate them for making you feel like this for a joke.

Ok sorry I really can’t sympathise with the parents I’m just so angry. The worst thing is that they probably get their positive reinforcement from the comments of people worldwide whom I hope never have children.

People just suck don’t they?

Contemplation about mankind just makes me so angry and sad I should have never started.

Any sane person who saw those clips of the boy crying would think it’s wrong. They tell him to take a joke. That he’s the only one in the household who can’t take a joke. Well if my parents screamed at me daily for something I never did until I cried or made my siblings beat me up for cheap laughs on youtube and then tell me while looking into my tearful eyes that it’s just a prank, I would never trust them again. And then some.

Call me sensitive or a prude or someone who can’t take a joke but even the Halloween prank where parents pretend or even actually finish their child’s candy and wait to see their child cry is just terrible imo.

Why would you want to see your kid cry?

Why would you want your kid to doubt your words?

Especially at that age when they think you’re absolute. That you’re the perfect being. Well of course you aren’t but why are you deliberately trying to show them that lying for the sake of laughs is ok. Especially at the age where they think that their candy, something that they can call their own, is probably their entire world. Even if you think they’re replaceable and cheap. I mean I know how it feels because I’ve been through that. When I look back I realise how insignificant it is. How replaceable candy is or anything else is. That it’s nothing to cry over. But then it meant the world. The kids might not remember it. But what if they do. What if they take away a lesson that you didn’t mean to teach. Maybe they’ll do it in school next time. Take away their classmates’ lunch because their parents did so and said it was a prank.

Ok slippery slope maybe but is it really?

Idk where this post is going anymore but I was just so overwhelmed. So sad. So angry.

I hate that I actually did those things. I wish I was more self-aware at an earlier age. But unlike koe no katachi I don’t have the guts to make it right. They probably don’t even remember but even if they do should i purposely bring it up and cause them more pain?

Thinking about this just brought me to justice. Is an eye for an eye really the best way to go? Every time I get overwhelmed and angry about a crime or a terrible incident a human being did to another human being, or even living thing, I would wish the same thing happened to them. Or worse.

But then a terrible thought came to me. And it just made me cry because those people have a family too. Those people have people that love them too. And if those people have truly felt remorse, punishing them will probably not ease their guilt (can you truly pay for your crimes? As if you’re buying something, can you really be free after?). The victim and their family may feel better (but will they really? Of course there’s the whole other purpose of preventing further incidents if punishment makes them learn or just makes it impossible for them to do it again) But what about the ‘criminal’s’ family…what about them? What about the hurt to them? Who’s going to take responsibility? The criminal? Who’s going to make them feel better? Do they deserve it?

I just…why can’t everyone be aware. Be more aware. Why can’t I be more aware. When will I stop hurting people unintentionally. Will I do it in the future because I fail to think ahead? To think about other people in that moment in time.

This is why I need to avoid such topics.

Why am I so emotional I think my period is coming.

Nothing good is gonna come from me being sad. And there’s nothing to cure ignorance in the world even with the Internet.

Sometimes I wish I can unread things.

Undo things.

But no matter how many times I do it. I know it’ll be the same. Because the decisions I made is just how my brain works. It’s just how I am. And I can’t change who I was in the past without losing who I am. Not that anyone can change the past. What I mean is that harping on the past won’t help. Learning from it is good but just harping is useless. And all I can do is live with the guilt and make myself better. Maybe when I get the guts I can set things straight but why dredge up old and painful memories? It’s not like it will lessen your guilt. Live with it it’s your punishment.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t apologize for what they did wrong though I mean I shouldn’t need to keep putting disclaimers if you actually understand what I’m trying to say.

Sigh.

Why did I do this. Idk I don’t think there’s enough beauty in this world to counter the ugliness.

Like the strange concept of if there’s good there has to be evil or vice versa.

What if there are no poles? Is it really that bad?

Why should people suffer so others can enjoy happiness.

If happiness cannot exist without suffering cuz there always has to be a counterbalance then…

I’m going into communism and total dictatorship haha and we all know how that turns out.

Sigh ok time to stop rant over.