#i'll try to post my other entry in time tho i'm going away for the weekend so that might be a little difficult

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Back at it again with a sad song to relate to these characters!!!!

This is so!!!! This is so Alex to Jay, or at least how he would want to be to him under better circumstances. Or at least that’s how I saw it.

https://youtu.be/R2zXxQHBpd8?si=-VKZo5PAshjGBfQM

Song is: will he by Joji

you're so right. This is so alex wishing he'd been able to be better to jay. (tho there's also an argument that jay also needed to be better to alex, and cos sorry its locked is all jays pov so far i haven't been able to show that he was also pretty bad for alex just like alex was bad for him. neither of them are the good guy, neither of them are purely a victim, neither of them are purely a 'villain' -can't think of the right word so villain will have to do-)

anyway, analysis thingy

I got knots all up in my chest (Up in my chest, up in my chest) Just know, I'm trying my best (I'm trying my best) 'Cause when you look (When you look) When you laugh (When you laugh) When you smile (When you smile) I'll bring you back (Bring you back) And now I'm sad (Now I'm sad) And I'm a mess (And I'm a mess) And now we high (Now we high) That's why I left (Why I left) That's why I left (Woo)

Pretty simple, just Alex thinking about Jay and how much he really did like him. But Alex was a mess and left Jay for Amy because he didn't know how to cope with his feelings (and with some other stuff I haven't written yet, but i'm ignoring that just so this song will fit with what's already actually out there for this fic)

Will your tongue still remember the taste of my lips? (My lips, my lips, my lips) Will your shadow remember the swing of my hips? (My hips, my hips, my hips) Will your lover caress you the way that I did? (I did, I did, I did) Will you notice my charm if he slips up one bit? (One bit)

Again, Alex thinking about Jay. But also, Alex realising that Tim and Jay are together now from watching the videos Jay uploads, he's watched them slowly get closer, and then one entry something changes and Alex knows that Jay has "moved on". Alex wonders whether Tim hold and kisses Jay the way he did that last night he and Jay were together, and he wonders if Jay thinks of him when Tim messes up. He calls it his 'charm' kinda sarcastically, because he's just kinda caught up in hating himself for what he had to do.

Because unlike in uni (their uni relationship was complicated, i promise I'll write it eventually, just know that Jay did some bad stuff just like Alex did), this time Alex was the only person in the wrong for hurting Jay like he did in chapter 2 of Sorry It's Locked.

'Cause I don't need to know I just wanna make sure you're okay (Okay) I don't need to know I just wanna make sure you're all safe All safe, all safe (woo)

Alex doesn't really want to know if he's left Jay with shit from everything that happened around entry 47 (in chapter 1 and 2), he doesn't want to confirm for himself that he hurt Jay so bad that he's been left with lasting emotional shit. He just wants to know that Jay's okay, that he's safe, but every entry Jay posts just confirms over and over again that Jay is not safe, every entry posted just reminds Alex that everything he did to try and drive Jay away and make him give up on finding out what's wrong with Alex and what's going on with the whole Operator thing.

Everything Alex did was for nothing. He hurt Jay for no reason, and sure, he couldn't have known it at the time, but in his little moments of clarity he realizes that he could have done something else. He could have talked to Jay, he could have asked for help, he could have explained what was going on. He didn't have to hurt him, but he did, and it didn't even achieve what he'd wanted it to. If anything, it just made everything worse because now Jay's got someone else involved.

Will he play you those songs just the way that I did? (I did, I did, I did) Will he play you so strong just the way that I did? (I did) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Will he treat you like shit just the way that I did? (I did, I did, I did) 'Cause I don't blame you

Again, Alex thinking about their relationship, both their uni relationship and their one night stand in chapter 1. He knows Tim and Jay are together now and he can't help wondering what their relationship is like, since they keep it completely off camera except for the odd hickey just barely peeping out from under a shirt collar etc.

He can't help almost hoping that Tim treats Jay like shit, and he hates himself for it, he just wishes he could have Jay for himself but he knows he can't. Do you know what I mean. Like, he doesn't actively wish harm on Jay, and he's constantly trying to think of ways to keep Jay safe and alive, but he also can't help feeling jealous of Tim and wishing he'd treat Jay badly so that Alex could swoop in and 'save' Jay. He knows if that happened though, and Jay would shy away from him too, he wouldn't go running into Alex's arms, he'd just be angry at and scared of both of them and would probably do something stupid and get himself killed.

'Cause I don't need to know I just want to make sure you're okay (Okay) I don't need to know I just want to make sure you're all safe

Same as before, in the end, Alex just wants Jay to be okay, he want's to make up for everything he's done by finding a way to make sure Jay lives, to make sure he doesn't have to kill him.

[bottle-o-wonder]

The Office Pt.1

This is a story that didn't do well on Wattpad so I'm bringing it here, if you like it I'll post part 2, enjoy!😊

  I can't believe it, I'm lost. How did I get here? I must have made a wrong turn somewhere. They said two lefts and a right, the second set of doors to your left from where you enter. How the hell did I end up on the third floor? And where are the other students?

    "Hey! Get back here!" 

    As I turn my head, I feel the immediate collision. I stumble to the floor, and as soon as I'm on, I'm off, feet hitting the floor at incredible speeds while I'm being pulled. 

    "Hello? Excuse me-"

    "Not the time, can't you see we're running for our lives? Anyway, if we make a turn here, we can lose that long-fingered freak." I look behind us to see a pale creature, with rake-like hands. I let out a shriek as I'm pulled around a corner and into an empty classroom.

    "I think we lost him, but it's best if we keep quiet just in case, my name's BEN by the way." I stopped panting and opened my eyes to look at him. He was a blonde kid with a green beanie, blue jeans, and a long-sleeved LoZ shirt. His eyes were black with reddish irises, blood tears dripping from his sockets.

    "I'm MC. Why was that guy chasing you? And where are the other students?" I ask, not breaking eye contact.

    "I snuck into his dorm and put fire ants in his sheets. He deserved it tho, last week he took my hat and used it as his cum sock, I had to get a new one. He got so angry and chased me into the academy" he said, while leaning against the door. "Why are you here? Classes don't start until October. Everyone else is at the dorms cause it's orientation week."

    "Oh, I was trying to-" Suddenly the door burst open, plastering BEN into the wall. I hid behind the desk, trying to keep quiet. I took a ruler from the cabinet I had crouched next to. I peeked over the side of the desk. The guy had BEN up by the neck, next to the door. I had made my decision long before BEN looked at me.

    "Hey what are you looking a-" He didn't get to finish; I had already kneed his back. As he folded, I grabbed BEN, closing the door behind us, and leaving the ruler at its entry. BEN looked at me, about to say something, when the other guy opened the door.

    I moved BEN out of the way just in time for long fingers to slip on the ruler. We ran back down the hall, past various classes and stairwells. We ended up back on the first floor in the cafeteria. 

    "Hey MC, thanks for that, I owe you one." He said as he pulled out a phone. "Here's my number. call me when you want that favor."

    "I will, right now actually, can you tell me where-"

    "Finally found you dumbass, who's this?" I let out a sigh to see what this interruption looked like. He was pale, had crisp eyelids, a carved smile, and a white hoodie, a leash hanging out of his pocket. "The names Jeff, and this asshole said he'd help me find my dog after Rake scared him off."

     "Rake?" I asked looking towards BEN. He looks away and mutters something only he can hear.

    Jeff takes a step forward, "Tall, pale, long-ass fingers. Hard to miss really. What's your name?"

    "I'm MC, do you know whe-" I start but don't finish. He isn't even paying attention, how am I supposed to get to the office at this rate? I turn to walk away, " Bye BEN." 

    "Hey, where are you going? Player two! Come back, please?" I turn around, not fazed by his plea. I meet his gaze, unmoving. He gestured with his eyes towards Jeff, to the leash, and then back to me. I let out an irritated sigh, walking back to him. 

    "I need help finding the front office, I need to talk to the Dean of Students to get my dorm number and class schedule." I say while I grab his hand and flash his counterpart a gentle smile before adding, "I just need to borrow him for a minute, you don't mind, do you? It will be really quick I promise."

    With that, I'm guided down the hallway and around the corner. He looks at me grateful for a second, then confused.

    "If you were looking for the front office, how'd you get up here?"

    "Look I don't understand it myself, okay? I was walking and got lost, I was confused as to why there were no other students and then you bulldozed right through me dragging me up two flights of stairs to some random classroom!" I whisper shout.

    "As much as I would love to pay you back, trust me I really do, you are such an amazing person, but I have some stuff to do." I roll my eyes and open my mouth to say something, but he starts to pixelate. "You have my number, call me!" And just like that - He was gone. 

    "I'm never going to get to the office, am I?"  

    "Well, that depends if I help you or not."

    I whip my head around to see Jeff, dog leash in hand, looking quite unhappy.

    "I heard him flake on you; I could help if you aren't too busy sulking. You have to help me find my dog." He states as he gestures the leash towards me. 

    "Guess I have no choice, where'd you see him last?"

    He quickly smiles, "On the East side of the courtyard, next to the picnic area. C'mon, it was not that long ago." 

    I follow him down the steps and out some double doors. We walked for a while outside; it was nice and chilly perfect fall weather...

    " He's over there" I look in the vague direction he points, squinting the figure into focus. Yup, strange colors, but a dog for sure. He scrambled under some tables.

    "Should we surround him?" I ask as Jeff ties his shoes, " Yeah, he won't come with us willingly. You take the left side of the patio and I'll go on the right. If you can, hold his mouth shut, it makes my job easier."

    Walking around the table I feel something brush my foot. I signal to Jeff, and he prepares himself. I looked under the table, and to my horror was met with - 

   "Nothing?" I turn to stand up, "But something brushed my leg-EEEAHAHAHAHA!"

[labratcult]

Howdy hi~

I'm V, I'm 27 + use she/they/it. queer + sapphic, nb femme thing.

this is my sideblog for silly garbage or things I may not want on a kink blog. main blog is 18+, do not ask for it; however, follows are from p********w

should be sfw but may not be at times, trying my best. I like exploitation film and gory horror so that's here, can get 18+ at times. Trying to indulge in more science-y things here tho.

DNI DO NOT TOUCH ME GO AWAY: terfs, zionists, pro cop, HP stans (read a better book), other transphobes. I'll block if I don't like you.

free Palestine

✨ About: 26 y/o PhD student in some niche bioscience. I like cats, craft beer, cycling, dance, weed, mech anime, and the philosophical basis of eroticism and what it means to come undone

✨ questions open to all, DMs open to moots w my main. Ask for it to message. Don't message if you're under 21. I am bad at texting, I warn you now I have the attention span of a goldfish.

💕 TAGS:

#bench tunes - music I listen to

#lab notebook entry - my posts

#kitters - my cats

#visage - my face

#vdances - choreo vids

Last edit: 2024-11-12

[sakurazawamidori]

ZenYuki Week 2017, Day 1 - Connected

To me being with you now is fate, and I’m happy about it, okay?