#i'll delete maybe in a day or two when i feel better lol

[whitemochacoffee]

I just need to scream this into the void lol

I can't believe i was caught in the middle of a suucide attempt thats so fucking funny how it was something so casual. Just a stupid joke before i was about to do it. I had it all planned out over the course of this week, i paid my debts and finished work and i had messages of i love yous readied in my notes app i was going to send out on the day i picked out,, but this just broke me out of it and it was so funny. We were sitting at the top of the building and we were casually talking about our fears because we were studying exposure therapy and they just noticed smth that,,,

I don't think the person who stopped me knew because we were not at all close. They just made a joke about maybe how i'm planning suicide and i forced out a laugh that was so fake i'm sure it unnerved them. I just. Maybe they knew smth was wrong but it's just so funny to me that that's what broke my resolve. A stupid joke caught me off guard.

I think the fact that they guessed exactly how i planned is why i stopped and why i decided i won't go through with it its so fucking dumb a reason but i dont want to give anyone a satisfaction of a guess

I don't think i want to die but i can't take it anymore sometimes. I'll be fine i think. I just need time to cope with myself.

[kanmom51]

JK 28 July live

I'm exhausted. Can't seem to catch up with the speed JK's doing these lives. And every single one is louder than the one before it.

So, this is me posting about the live on the 28th, all while I haven't yet for the previous live, and just after he had his latest one.

But I guess here it goes, cause better late than never.

So the 28th live. Well, truthfully it was 3 lives.

1st he ended after close to 3 minutes because of the angle of the camera.

2nd was lagging and he eventually turned off after around 4 minutes.

He did manage to tell us the ice creams he likes concluding he likes savory.

He likes savory and JM likes rabbit spit. Ok then.

Don't blame me for being like this. It's JK's fault. Well, actually, it's JK and JM's fault, cause man did they come on hard in that next third live that followed.

Peeps, this one was a doozy.

This short live, and even shorter Jikook interaction (started pretty much at the start of the live and ended at around the 15 min. mark) is up there as one of the best Jikook lives. And JM wasn't even in the room for it, lol.

If you would have asked me a couple of months back if this day was in the making pre-enlistment I would have said no. But hell, something has shifted in the past few weeks. Like really SHIFTED. When I compared Jikook's Silver day dinner in NY to Tainni's Parris stroll, I knew what I was talking about.

And now, I take you a Taenni stroll and raise you a frigging JK half naked in bed live just having a flirt fest with his bf.

Subs are out, I suggest you all go watch it. It's short and easy to follow and JK makes sure to read out JM's comments and he's flirty and cheeky and totally informal and forgets what the word honorific even is. The man is in his element.

And JK, he's pushing. Pushing hard for JM to do the live together. Again and again. Just showing us in real life what it means to pursue the person you want to be with, you know the "love of my life", whom he wants to go live with him. And JM, well JM he's being flirty and playful, and when he gets a little too flirty, he catches himself and deletes his comment, lol. But JK he catches on and he continues.

And after sending JK a photo to show him he's not in a state for a live, a photo that JK doesn't get to see just yet, JK is disappointed but accepts it. And then JM dips and tells JK to spend some time with us, cause when they are at it, it's only the two of them, lol.

That's it in an essence, but there is so much to unpack from that, I don't even know where to start.

Maybe not with Jikook. Maybe I'll start with JK, our super masculine manly man calling his new piercings pretty.

Ok then. Now that I got that out of the way how about we talk about JK showing us outright that their relationship, it ain't no usual hyung dongsaeng relationship. No way, no how.

In the more or less 15 minutes that JM stays on the live and the conversation between them JK mentions JM's name 18 times, out of which twice adding the ssi and only 7 times adding the hyung. And not only does he 'forget' the hyung, at some point in the live he calls JM by his name and uses his flirty Jimin-ssi, but he also dares to speak to him saying his name with an authoritive commanding tone. JK spares absolutely nothing to get JM do that live with him.

Also, out of those 7 times JK says JM hyung most are when he's talking about him and not to him?

Do we actually remember who the hyung is there? Cause it feels like those two have already forgotten it, lol.

JK tried it all. He tries asking then flirting, then going assertive.

JK tries the logical path - we are both bored.

He tries batting his eyelashes and he even goes down the emotional manipulation path with a little guilt tripping.

He even goes aego on JM. That lip pucker was not for us. Good cover up (or not so) with the "I'm checking out my face and need to lose weight".

He literally tries it all, lol.

JM, ma man, you are a much stronger soldier than I would ever be, lol.

Thing is this.

JM knows he has to be strong here, when he has JK at arms length, cause he also knows that the second JK is near him, that's when he will lose his composure.

I kind of think it goes back to JM once admitting to us that he couldn't do a live alone with JK because they would get lost in each other and forget we are there.

Well hell yeah, that's exactly what we're banking on. Let the Jikook live begin.

Maybe, just maybe if the live is pre-planned and on neutral ground. Maybe then he can manage to have some kind of control. But like this? Just out of nowhere? No preparation?

JM is a strong soldier, but when it comes to JK he loses that battle. And he knows it, lol. So that would be a big fat no on an unplanned live with JK for him, lol.

And let's go right back to the flirting that was going on right in front of our faces. Because I mean, how can we not? How can we not keep talking about this? This was friggin' wild.

JM with his "I can handle it", his "I'm scared of you" and "he's going to hit me", and should we mention his "I'm not easy" (will get to that one in a sec)? Yo, and what's up with that pic he sent him mid live and telling us all he just did?

And JK, omg JK, with his satoori and informal and just that tone. That tone he was using with JM. Because all those words, and the dropping of the hyung they are only a part of it. It's the tone. The bloody to die for tone he was using talking to JM.

And his reactions to JM's comments.

JK's reaction to JM's "I can handle it", omg, that giggle and the smile after saying it again...

See I can't help but wonder... was that JK giggling because:

a. he knows jm can handle it as he's quite familiar with his chesties besties; or

b. he knows that JM's lying cause he most definitley cannot handle his chesties besties.

But seriously, can JM handle it? Can he really? Handle his chestie besties??? Perhaps from afar off camera, lol. And that is just another reason why JM thought it better to not have that live.

Food for thought. LOL.

We were literally third wheeling the whole time.

Even DT Parker could see it.

He sees some of it, but unwilling to go the full mile.

And that's also why JM decided he had to put an end to it, dip and let JK have a little time with army (which was another 10 min. of which 5 were him telling his goodbyes), lol.

Oh, a few more points.

What about "I'm not easy", ok, let's talk about that one for a minute.

Ok, so it's not 100% sure who deleted that one. My money is on JM. He knew EXACTLY what it looked/sounded like, and realised that perhaps this was him taking it once step too far, lol. I doubt it was someone in the company that deleted it, because if you go to the live and press live chat you can actually see that both the comments that were deleted are still there, lol. So, seems to me that this wasn't a company move and more a JM one. Because adding this to the tone, the lack of honorifics, the totally thoroughly flirty conversation between the two of them, this could be a little bit of a deal sealer, and maybe JM thought it to be just a little too much.

Did we talk about the song JK sings right after JM joins the live?

JM, ma man, you are a much stronger soldier than I would ever be, lol.

Thing is this, again, JM knows he has to be strong here, when he has JK at arms length, cause he also knows that the second JK is near him, that's when he will lose his composure.

And a little more I noticed (I don't really think it's so little though):

JM, of course, knows JK's schedule.

I know there are a few translations on this, but the official ones are pretty clear, and they also align with what JK told us in the first live, having to wake up at 1:20 pm. And there is also this:

JM was calling JK - Jung kook. Which is not something he's done that often. And it feels like this might also have to do with JK's change to his Weverse account, changing his name to Jung kook, perhaps wanting to have a more mature/adult image.

Oh, and how is this not exploding on SM?????

Like wtf? How has this not been all over the place?

The ease in which this was said. He'll grab his toiletries and go over to do the live? Shower at JM's before? Shower at his after? Do the live, shower and sleep over? Whichever of these you go with it's god damn fucking loud.

The man lives what? A few minutes away from JM? And yet he needs to pop over to his place to shower? And again, how naturally this was said, kind of like it's A THING they just do. Like, let's get real here. First of all, yeah, it's a thing they do, and he just told us that live!!! and second, I'm not sure he needs a full bag of toiletries. He probably has most of them already there on his side of the sink, or if there is a his and his sink, then next to HIS sink.

Also, and this is a question I'm still asking myself - did JK say this intentionally? Was this a slip of the tongue or was there intent. Either or is loud, but intent means he wanted us to know this, while slip of the tongue was that he just let himself act naturally with JM, which included that "I'll come shower at yours".

And JM? I didn't hear a no to the "I'll come over and shower at yours". Just a not now to the live. So...

Ok, enough is enough.

We still had another what? 10 min. approx. after JM left.

Did anything really happen in those 10 min.? Nah.

Well, one thing maybe. JK said he'll try to go live during his breaks while recording, cause he's sad he only got to perform in front of 280 army only.

Which he did.

And me writing these lines after watching that live just sitting here and laughing my head off. Because BURN BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, that's it.

We might not have gotten an actual Jikook in same room and same frame live, but we sure did get a JIKOOK live. And it was as loud as (minors hands over your ears) FUCK!!!!

And everything I mentioned there, my friends, is why it's ALWAYS better to watch the live and not rely solely on the translation accounts. Translations accounts are great, but they don't convey the tone.

Oh, and did we see this?

Cause what the hell?🤣🤣

And for funsies:

Now JK has to stop. Just stop. Like take a couple of days off, go be with JM for a little and let me catch my breath goddamnit.🤣🤣

[nefertittythegreat]

Hello, I was relieved to see a kind and reasonable reblog as opposed to what I've been exposed of the fandom these past days... You can privately answer this ask or not at all, I'd hate for you to get blocked by mutuals in the fandom LOL (guess who that happened to, whoops?) I wanted to ask you about the Ferdinand fic idea that got you stonewalled?

First, I'm not afraid to be seen interacting with you! You're one of the few people who interact with me directly in the fandom, when I have literally been dying for some sort of aob interaction. I have so much love for you already, though we've only interacted a few times! It will be a shame if my mutuals block me because of this. I understand they probably want to curate their blog to avoid any AoB hate. Sometimes, you just want to keep the good times rolling, and I get that.

It would be a shame since you and me differ in opinions on a lot regarding Aob. If you ingested any of my content, you would know. For one, I'm a fervent Fermyne shipper, and I'm a Ferdinand lover. My blog will always reflect that. I mean, i have a multiple fermyne post on my blog, but at the same time, I'm in the minority(?) that prefer Sylvester over Ferdinand. Funnily enough, when i joined the fandom over 2 years ago, speaking well about Sylvester was almost unheard of. I was still at the beginning of part 3 and couldn't understand, but in part 4, I got it even if I disagreed because he's just a good boy okay? He's trying his best😭😭

Either way, even though I wasn't interacting directly with the fandom, I learned early on that the nail that sticks out will be hammered down in this fandom. And my own interactions outside of tumblr haven't been pleasant. If me a person who falls primarily in the majority regarding my opinions is feeling this then i can only imagine what someone who has interpreted the series in a different way feels and I know I must not be alone in this feeling.

I want this fandom to be a place where we can discuss freely without fear. I want this fandom to feel welcoming. I've been a part of so many fandoms, and too many of them are toxic.

I'm sorry you're getting hate. I haven't seen it in the notes, so I'll assume you're either deleting it or it's in your asks. If so, I am disappointed with us a group. I understand loving something so strongly that you feel attacked, but interacting and analyzing in the way that you do is a form of love as well and has its place in fandom.

I believe we've grown in number here on tumblr over the past two years, and it's time to organize ourselves better to prevent stuff like this from happening in the future and help everyone curate their own experience as we navigate the main tag. To be honest, I'm not even sure if we have an "official" acronym for the series yet(Are we AoB or AoaB?), but I could just be out of the loop. Maybe we should have a tag specifically for discussions and analysis in this fandom?

I'm gonna be tagging this because I feel we as a community need to think on this, and im willing to start that discussion. I just want this fandom to be as welcoming and fun as possible for everyone. We are all never gonna completely agree, but we can have fun together on here like I believe we have been.

[starshipqstar]

On a supportive queer fandom, community, and making our first ever animation

Making the Starship Q Star animation has largely been wonderful - we got to make a show we love and learnt a LOT. As two writers new to producing the format (Lauren had only written for kids animation) - it was a huge learning curve. A learning cliff if you will. Whilst we had to cut a lot out for time and budget, we're really proud of how they turned out within the constraints. And by the end? Lauren and I coloured most of the final episode and I did all the compositing and VFX myself (all in Toon Boom Harmony - a program neither of us had used a few months before).

Animation is also still a bit of a boys club - so we committed to finding a design and animation team that was diverse as possible, and reflected what the project was about. I'm proud to say that we managed that (out of our cast & crew of 24, only 3 were cis-men - and most were queer). We also gave opportunities to diverse creatives who hadn't had jobs in the industry before - and have since seen some of them use the experience to get more paid work. You simply love to see it! All of the cast and crew are incredibly special and brought amazing things to the show - an absolute dream team.

It hasn't been easy at all - animation is a LOT of work, and the budget didn't allow for all the support we probably needed, so it was months of unpaid work for the two if us, and a number of weeks working 15-20 hour days to get it done. But we bloody well did it!

But since the show has been out, it's been a bit of a... reality check? Having been immersed in the audio drama community with Starship thus far - we perhaps got a little too used to how incredible supportive (and perhaps queer?) everyone is.

Another animation project is part of the same initiative as we are, and it was one of the first projects released. The creator is a really lovely and talented guy who has made a special show we really enjoyed. His show went kind of viral - which is AWESOME! It's great! However due to his experience on certain other projects... some of the fans of his show... aren't necessarily our audience? And the nature of the initiative means only some projects get chosen to make more.

The first comment on YouTube a few minutes after the Ep 1 of Starship Q Star was published was "make more [the other show]". Then our socials started getting homophobic and really negative comments (and trust me I have spent a long time curating that tiktok algorithm lol). At first I thought it was weird or maybe it was just because we were being shared by a third party so the wrong audience were finding us - but then they also included comments like "[the other show] is better".

I honestly find it odd that some fans take it upon themselves to do stuff like this. Making art is hard! And liking one thing better than something else doesn't mean you have to actively hate that something else! There's room for us all to succeed (well, once we take care of that pesky thing called capitalism). And maybe remember that when it's an indie project the people who made the thing are usually the ones running the socials lol.

We are so grateful to have had so many incredible people love and champion the show in both audio and animated format. And we feel so lucky to be a part of both the queer and audio drama community (yes I know that venn diagram is a circle) - it truly is such a special supportive environment that lifts one other up.

Anyway, I'll probably delete this (way too earnest - eww) but thanks to all the lovely ones out there. We really love and appreciate all of you and all the nice comments and messages and shares. Means the world!

[bonesandthebees]

haven't heard from me in a split second whoa :0

anygays i was going about my hyperfixation-brain filled day as one does when i thought of a question i wanted to ask you, seeing as recently you commented on how you missed your old stories

do you ever plan to revisit those universes? write in them again, or even just reveal something about them that we didn't know beforehand?

/genq /gencuri, not just because i'd kill for more clinic or world forgetting content lmaoooo

- 💫

heyyyyy I'm gonna ramble a bit about ideas here hope you don't mind

while I said I don't plan on fully rewriting any of my old stories like world forgetting, I'm definitely not opposed to writing more one shots in the universe. however, I'm trying to think of what in world forgetting's universe I'd be interested in writing. the only scene outside the main fic I ever really wanted to write was the crimeboys fight scene that led to tommy getting kidnapped by dream before the start of the fic, which I've already written and posted. I know people would probably want to see more from after the story ends but I really like leaving it up to reader's imaginations how things play out after the final chapter. I also don't feel like writing a proper prequel about how tommy joined the syndicate in the first place or anything. my interest primarily lies in the main storyline itself.

that really only leaves me with two options: rewriting chapters or filling in 'missing/deleted' scenes. I actually like the sound of both of those, although I don't know if I can think of any 'missing' scenes in the fic. like, there were definitely scenes I cut out, but the information conveyed in them either got brought up or changed later on making them non-canon to the story itself.

I do like the idea of rewriting an individual chapter. if I were to choose a chapter to rewrite I already know it would probably be ch 12. that was probably one of my favorite chapters in the entire story in terms of the plot events and how it's a huge turning point for tommy's mental state, but I definitely feel like I could've executed it better. maybe I'll do an experiment sometime and see if I can rewrite it. could be fun.

I also like the idea of possibly exploring a tiny bit of an au for WF (of my own au lol). I knew very early on I wanted most of the story to focus on tommy's strained relationships with sbi as he slowly regains his memories and their own shifting perspectives of the person they knew vs the person he is now, so it wouldn't have worked out to do it this way. but a part of me always wondered how things would've gone if wilbur hadn't removed tommy's lucid mask right after they kidnapped him from dream. what if they let him keep it on? what if sbi didn't find out he was their tommy right off the bat? how would that have changed the way tommy regained his memories? I feel like that could easily spin into something way bigger than I'd want to work on, but it's definitely an idea in the back of my head lol

anyway, tdlr; there's a few things I could do to write more in WF's universe and I might do that at some point, but no promise. as far as clinic goes, I feel like I've already said most of what I want to say with that world with all the side one shots I've already written for it.

[hoshi-y]

Fluff Headcanons

Genre : Fluff

Characters : Yugi Amane, Yugi Tsukasa, Mitsuba Sousuke

TW : None

A/N : omfg I did it again I accidentally deleted the original process 😭 I mean great cause I absolutely went off track with the forst one, bad cause I won't be able to show the request DAMN IT HAUSHSHA I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF

Also, I made these three alive cause I have a brilliant Idea in mind

I hope you enjoy 😞💗

I love you too.. Dummy..

Mitsuba would be the type to shyly give you back hugs

Long hugs even

LIKE He doesn't wanna say he wants hugs, he shows you through his facial expression

"??? Sousuke... Why are you making faces at me.."

"N-NEVERMIND DON'T LOOK!!"

You'd purposely act dumb so you can see how much he can last without your affection lol

Which he didn't last for long of course

The duration of hugs and cuddles is based off how tired he is or how needy he is

He just wants you to hold him

I just know this guy loves Forehead kisses

When you move his bangs just to give him a kiss on the forehead 😭😭

HE'D SECRETLY MAKE YOU HIS SUBJECT FOR TAKING PICTURES I DARE ANYONE TO TRY AND ARGUE WITH ME

After schools, you two would head to the convenience store

Maybe yk take candid photos of each other before almost getting kicked out by the owner—

You two would stroll around the park sometimes

Totally wouldn't stop every second to take a photo—

Mitsuba absolutely hated crowds, so you two woulf sometimes hang around his house or yours

and its one of those day where it was raining and you're in the sheets with your boyfriend cuddling while watching a movie

an experience and a memory you wont ever exchange for

I Miss You!!

Its not a drill, you already know how he is

Very clingy, 24/7

No matter where you two are, he is always clinging onto you

There was a time he whined that you let go of him just to go to the bathroom lawl

Tsukasa was a very extroverted person and just loved being in the crowd

But where you're not within the crowd man he'll just go home

He LOVES to cuddle with you

Hug you

I just know he gives out the best long hugs by gow clingy he is

You want something? He'll get it for you ASAP

He doesn't want his beautiful S/O waiting now does he

HE LOVES YOUR HEAD PATS

Especially when he lays down on your lap omfg

He absolutely loves it when you run your fingers thru his hair and give him pets

did this mf just purr?

Whenever your sad, Tsukasa would roll you up into a sushi and cuddle with you as the both of you watch your favorite movies it's just adorable

I'll stay

Amane is also very clingy but not to the extent he'll even follow you to the bathroom—

He is a very affectionate guy

He recharges by your touch absolutely mhm

He wants to hold you everywhere you go

No matter the place he just wants to be close to you

HE GIVES OUT THE BEST CUDDLES

Amane also loves it when you pet him and brush his hair your hand he thinks it is very soothing

Amane will also spoil you ROTTEN

Affection? Kisses? Gifts? Oh you name it

You won't be disappointed hehe

I just know Amane would play with your hands and purposely measure them with his so he can sneakily hold your hand

"Hey, Love, Your hands are alot smaller than mine"

"Ehh?? What do you mean?" He held out his hand and you put it ontop of his as Amane suddenly held it tenderly making you blush furiously

"See?~ Mmm I was wrong it fits perfectly with mine~"

"WAAHHH" He laughed at your flustered state

He loves to kiss your hands, your face, neck oh boy he will not leave any spots untouched

I feel like Amane would be the type pf guy who will make sure if you've eaten, how you're doing or what you're doing yk

He'll send the most cutest texts too hehez

When your sad, He'll hold you so close until your sadness evaporates

"Smile for me yeah? I'd much rather see that beautiful smile of yours than it turning into a frown.." Amane kissed your forehead as he held you tight

"I'll stay until you're now feeling better.."

Hello, I'm sorry it took so long but I haven't been feeling okay the whole month

[tessabennet]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Thanks to both @somanywords and @zenaidamacrouras1 for tagging me 💛

I'm gonna put my answers under a cut, lest this post becomes a nuisance on other people's dash lol

I don't know who already did this in my very small circle of fic writer friends here, so for any writers who see this and want to do it too, you are hereby officially tagged 🤗

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I currently have 7 works on AO3, two translations and 5 that I've actually written. I kind of think of those 5 as one fic though, bc it's one series, and on my laptop it's all one big document

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

493,817 (I can already say though that by the time my series will be fully posted, that number will be much higher, possibly even doubled)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Marve (more specifically the MCU), and exclusively Stucky

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

These City Walls

Carried the Cross

The Hand of a Devil

Still Running

Loosened Chains

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to respond to every comment I get. If I ever don't respond to one, it's absolutely by accident. I want to encourage people to leave comments as much as I can, and I want to give back the appreciation I receive

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhm. All of them? I stick with canon, which is pretty much only angst, and I can't exactly make it better by filling the gaps realistically.

If I had to pick one though, I feel like Carried the Cross is the angstiest, given that everyone knows what comes next and that it'll be awful

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The one with the happiest happy ending is currently in the making. The others that I've posted and/or finished writing, while certainly having happy moments, still end more or less angstily

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I had a few anons a while back that called me a copycat and plagiarist. They told me to take down my work bc it was a ripoff of another famous stucky series with the same premise. It's the one I did those translations for in fact.

And that's something I sometimes think myself, so it's not like I don't see their point. But the messages were written so rudely that I deleted them rather than open a whole can of worms of discourse about that

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I did/do write smut, yes, but none of that is in the fics I posted so far. And the way I write it is definitely very tame, compared to what's out there. But I think the way I write it fits the style I established for the series, and it fits the vibe I'm going for. Maybe when I'll get to editing those chapters I'll make it more explicit, but for now it's pretty mild

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't, given that I'm doing canon-verse fic. It would probably be fun to give it a try, and maybe one day I will, but right now I'm planning on taking a break from fic writing as soon as I'm done with the series, so idk if or when that's gonna be in the cards

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If so, I don't know about it. I hope not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Sadly not. I'd love that though, I would be so so so excited to get translations or fanart, and especially a podfic version made from my series

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Also no. I don't know if I'm cut out for that tbh, I'm very particular about the way I want things to be written. So I'm not really sure if I'm the most pleasant person to work with in that respect

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Stucky. Duh

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I am not writing 90k+ wips only to not finish and publish them. Everything I've worked on so far will be published, if it's the last thing I ever do

16. What are your writing strengths?

From the feedback I've received, I'd say it's digging into the deep, complex emotional states of my characters. I've also been told that the way I'm writing them all is very authentic and in character, and that I'm doing a good job with fleshing them out. Which is important for what I'm trying to do with the series, so that's also something I'm proud of

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am way way too wordy sometimes. I constantly have to cut down my sentences and try to turn them into several shorter ones, bc they get too long or too repetitive. I'm also not entirely sure about the way I handle dialogue, which is kind of a shame since the whole project started with me wanting to practice doing that

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Yes yes yes!! I love it. I loved being able to bring in my native language (german). But even more than that, I like including languages I can kind of understand. I did some French, and luckily I had help with not just getting the meaning across but making it sound like actual native speakers would say it. With Spanish, which I don't speak at all, I asked a friend who's a native speaker, though that was only two lines or so. Also, when I was working on the series and the post-CATFA parts were coming up, I started doing some Russian on duolingo, to drop some phrases here and there. I do have some help there too, but not by a native speaker in this case. Still, it helps to have a second opinion of someone who actually learned this stuff in school

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Stucky is my one and only so far

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Like I said, I kind of think of them all as one big fic, so it's hard to judge. I'm proudest of the one that I'm publishing atm, Loosened Chains, simply bc it's my own post-CATWS fic and those are my personal favourite to read. Skill-wise, I think the best I did is one I haven't published yet, so I'll withhold that information for now

So... there you go! Thanks again for tagging me, guys, I really enjoyed this 🥰✌️

[ablupen]

Thoughts about Arcana Twilight

So, I've had Arcana Twilight downloaded on my phone for about maybe a month now, and I finished the current floors about maybe four days ago, so I just want to share my progress and my thoughts ^^

Firstly, my cards:

I spent a lot of coins on levelling and gems on buying amplifier stones for the last three chapters lol. The gems really carried me through everything XD

These my current affection levels:

Funnily enough, my favorite characters are actually Vega and Alpheratz, but alas, it's expensive to level up and I got the Spica card before the Alphie one. Now that I'm finished with the current story though, I'll be grinding more on Twilight mode.

Speaking of the characters, these were my initial opinions on the game itself and the characters:

The game itself: I played this game after finding out about Obey Me. Funnily enough, the Play Store actually recommended me THIS game first, probably because I like fantasy stuff and AT happens to be kinda high fantasy. However, I saw some reviews about some bugs and I wasn't entirely sure about playing it yet, so I played Obey Me first after seeing someone talk about how it was "a mix between Obey Me and Mystic Messenger" (which, I'll also talk about at some point because they're really cool) and enjoyed that, so I finally downloaded this one.

Mmkay that was a lot of exposition but not a lot of thoughts. So, I didn't find those bugs the reviews were talking about, which made me happy. It was uncanny at first how similar the appearance and stuff were to Obey Me at first, but I got over it pretty quickly. I enjoyed it beginning to end :)

Arcky: bean. looks like sunshine, is sunshine.

Spica: Serious, but in a nice way. I like this dude. Kinda looks like Kartein from Eleceed on Webtoon ngl. He must need lots of coffee in this school lol.

Alphie: I like his voice tbh. He's pretty nice, I think. Lmao he kinda made me wanna know what other Tharavals are like if he's the opposite.

Poll: Omg he's like a Chihuahua. Also, heterochromia? Looks cool!

Sirius: Sus. Just one line and he's already suspicious. The two signs of suspicion: 1. Openly talkative or friendly 2. Not really around. I LEARNED THIS FROM BELPHIE YOU CAN'T FOOL ME. But since I forgive easily and I wanna make as much allies as possible, I'll tolerate it. Cool eyes.

Vega: W h o a buddy- you look really cool but put the sword down. Something's up with him tho for sure.

And then, these are my final thoughts:

the game: Really good! Love the aesthetic, everything works, and things can be earned back easily. Gacha is wack, but tolerable. Can't wait for the next floors and I'm starving for AT content qwq

Arcky: Still a bean!! He's so optimistic but he really needs to stop overworking himself twt. I wonder who made him forget us.

Spica: He can actually be pretty sweet sometimes. In terms of story choices, I do usually tend to go to "wtf is this?" And he usually agrees in more elegant terms XD.

Alphie: Let the man sleep lol. Also his relationship with Schedar is so funny lol. Also the fact he went to the meeting room just to intercept him lmao. And the fact he deleted us from Schedar's contact lmao. 2nd favorite character, I loved resting in a tree with him. I want him to be ok.

Poll: Bean no :( I feel so bad for him at the end when Alphie became unconscious. Also the fact he fired first :(

Sirius: Sirius, are you frocking serious?? I expected something but I- ugh. Fine. I'll help clean after this mess. That twist and foreshadowing better be good.

Vega: *inhale* awww! Dude he actually shows a lot of affection compared to other characters in the later floors 🥺. And the fact he used to be our childhood friend??? 🥺. He's such a sweetheart I love himmm 🥺. Favorite character, and there's a reason my AT OC has part of her hair dyed white. Dw Vega I'm not leaving you again

~~

So... ending thoughts.

NOT THE CLIFFHANGERRRR. I STILL NEED TO KNOW WTF DEBRIS IS, AND HOW THESE GUYS KNOW STUFF- ALSO, THE DREAMSCAPE?? WHAT'S GOING ON??

~~

Tips for Ppl trying to complete?

Buy Four Season amplifier stones

Grind in Twilight levels

3 star everything in a floor for more gems. Go backwards if you need to

Try not to use your gems for scouting

Level up cards as much as you can and also complete as much of their Milky Way as possible

Quick clear boss levels a bunch to advance to the next floor. Also use gems to refill energy if you don't feel like waiting. You'll get a ton of material like this, especially coins.

... actually that all sounds really standard and I got kinda lucky with 2 SSR cards. Welp.

Thanks for reading all this if you read all the way! I'll probably talk some more about AT and OM bc they're fun ^^

Might also write fics and headcanons or whatnot

[odindeviatnulodin]

Have to add something before everything else, you told me that I never rushed to you when you told me you didn't feel good. Not a single moment I stop thinking about taking whatever train that comes and come to you since you told me you were feeling at the end of the rope. You said you didn't want to see me this week-end but if at ANYTIME in the week-end, or days, weeks incoming or whatever you want me coming, I'm wiling to come ok? Even an emote tchoutchou traingtraing and I'll know that I'm allowed to come over.

Since I can't send you HUNDREDS of letters (I could, but I'm not 100% sure that you'd appreciate it because you didn't even dare to read the first I sent lol) to express what I feel towards you and the relationship - nor want to flood you with messages because you asked for space - neither spam my twitter actually - BUT, still want to scream to the world how much I miss you, love you, and that I'm here for you, I reopened this oldie: tumblr.

Last ticket was from the 17th of november. I still didn't give up neither on you, nor on us. I am still sorry about how things are going.

I deleted other tickets, not because they became outdated, just because they wouldn't add anything there, where I want to add freshness and more positiveness. "Thanks for accepting the ill me, and waiting for the sane me." was the last sentence of the ticket just before the 17th's one. And it’s my turn to wait, here I am waiting for you, not for the "sane you", but maybe for the "feeling a bit better" you? Otherwise I ever swore to God that I'd be there for you and we'd figured it out together.

I might not moved, thought, whatever verb, fast enough but I'm 100% sure about my position, and this, EVER. I just kinda figured how to do all the things a bit late, and that we had to discuss about it for real, one-to-one, officially.

I am not a careerist, I LOVE my job, that's why it's in my top 3 priority but OF COURSE, love, family and health come before if anything has to happen. I don't even understand how it could have been misunderstood. I know I have difficulties to express myself and some of my words or thoughts could have been messed/mixed up, and the blame is on me then.

We will do whatever is good for YOU about that because I know I can do whatever job, I can adapt myself in whatever city. We need to find where is YOUR place and if it asks to run the globe, to do hundreds cities, hundreds agencies, hundreds jobs, hundreds places, WE will figure it out. Do I look like someone that give a fuck about that? Absolutely fucking not. Enough focusing on my needs, I know where I can find them and I know how to express them. I think you know what I need from you. We need to find yours. Tell me when you feel wrong, we don't care if it's the third time of the week that's about the same damn thing. Tell me if I did something wrong. Tell me everything that bothers you. Tell me everything because we gon' fix everything (portugaise vite fait d fois).

I know what I can carry, I can carry a whole trip for two, I can carry a whole life. Sometimes it just need the slap, it just need to be shown as the last straw. If one drown and the other does not fight back, they both drown. It's teamwork. It's relationship. It's love. So I will wait for you until you get better. And you won't drown because I will always be by your side.

The only thing I remember well about coding, it's the fact that a ";" can be long to find, but it can fix a lot. Same here. Solutions have to be found.

Be well. I love you.

I wanted to post it at 19:01, but it was too late already, so I waited 01:19.

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

Would I seem like less of a liar if I deleted the previous post? 💀💀💀

I'm doing a whooole lot better so ima explain myself

Notice in advance though it's not very related to my pills. It's just been a whole lot.. and seeing how I talk about all my personal shit here already it didn't feel too out of place. I've actually been relatively pill free for the last like month or so. Anyway I'll stop this intro here lol. Shits long enough as is

Well what pissed me off to make me want to go ghost was a combo of getting scammed plus R being on some bullshit..

The first bit I kinda walked into. That was that whole situation where I slowly gave out like $50 to this trans woman. I didn't even notice until a few days later but she blocked me soon after I said I couldn't help for a while. I don't know what brain cells evaporated from my brain but if I had noticed the signs earlier maybe I would be $50 richer rn..

The second bit uh. Let's just cut a long story short atp. R has been being a dick to me for a while now so I finally wasn't able to repress my annoyance and I said something slightly snippy. She got sad annd I got mad. Time skip, ghosted her and pretty much everyone else, fully expecting to never speak to her again. Nother time skip, we're back talking.

If I seem kinda over it, it's cause I am lmfao

I think seeing how she changed and reacted during that period where she was upset really changed things for me. Not to sound like that, but I have a lot of.. for lack of better wording "issues" around people switching up. And it's really important to me! Ive been weary of that shit since i was in elementary school. I used to get bullied and ostracized a lot as a kid. And after a combo of parential/friendship drama, I decided I never wanted to feel like I'm ever in a situation where I have to be useful to be loved. I don't want to be in position where anyone can dangle their affection over my head at a whim. Which is all I've felt towards everything since. Even when I was really there begging her to work things out, I did it anyway because I felt like I knew she'd do the same if it ever came down to it. But seeing just how much I've been trying to juggle in silence.. how much I've asked of her over and over again with little change.. it just didn't feel mutual anymore.

Well.. wrong wording. That's something I've had to accept for a while now. I meant our friendship in general atp. I've been the odd man out for so long now. I guess it's our history that does it tbh. You know how with newer friends you'll do a lot more with em? But with older friends youre much more comfortable saying no cause you know they arent going anywhere? It really shouldn't be this extreme tbh but like it ISS. Like I've asked to play 100x different things now, I've tried to watch series together, alllll types of shit. And she never agrees. We never talk or hangout for the fun of it anymore. Actually, I don't think we've actually any real hanging out doing something together purely because we wanted to hang in over 7 months. Everything else has just been us talking about one thing or another or something happening and it just being the after part. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to have an actual conversation way more than being able to play games with her. Though, when hanging out is something you plain out won't go out your way at all to do but you can hurriedly go back to do allll the time with your casual friends and acquaintances? Changed my mind so quick once i realized. I'm just holding onto memories now. Just like my ex and just like my ex best friend. The whole situation reminding me of those two made my emotions towards the thing feel a lot more cut and dry tbh

I started feeling this way when she played me at a moment that honestly.. was the most vulnerable I've ever been. It's a rule I've had since I was a child and have never broken before. Yet here I am, breaking it for no real reason. If anything, me doing that made her be even worse to me

I've been on and off talking with her now. She refriended me on one of our main platforms a little while back. I've only recently took her off mute. I think a day ago now. We talked talked today and it felt exactly like it did way back then. It was almost comical. She said so many cruel things to me and made me feel like an idiot for.. well shoot for nothing atp. Did all that to not even a full 3 months later move onto the next best thing. The complete 360 is what finally sealed it for me. I've been thinking on what my begging meant for days and weeks now slowly edging to this conclusion

Im done.

I got so much anger and nastiness spewed at me time and time again with not even an acknowledgement that it happened

Im just supposed to magically know this perfect fucking timing of how long i need to stay away without staying away for tooooo long to not scare you. And when I get it wrong? Oh don't worry! She'll make sure I know it :))

Its really my fault for letting it get this bad.. I knew it wasnt right for her to be a dick to everyone off of a breakup but i mean.. if the ex was that important to you, it makes sense. If it were still like that, I'd still be taking it now tbh. Why stress her out when she clearly has 1000 other things on her mind? But the cycle repeated right before my eyes it brings up so many questions..

Why cant i get the same courtesy you show to anyone else?

Where was that healing when just a month ago i was a pest for checking in?

God. It's not even like I'm asking for much! I continued doing what I do even when i wasn't getting that same care back. Ive gotten so messed up i can barely comprehend wth is going around me. Ive been on and off sleep for days at a time. I've watched my whole future crumble before my eyes. Ive wven thought about and attempted to kill myself. Alllll that.. yet ive never once used it as an excuse to treat you poorly. I have the common fucking courtesy to own up to ts and not act like any of that makes it okay to disrespect you

It honestly doesn't matter either way. All I know is I'm so tired of getting treated worse than any of her friends and I'm tired of all the fucking gymnastics that she still expects me to do with no complaint. That shits over. I'm not letting yet another person drop off and pick up wherever they feel like with not even a thought about how I'll feel

I feel really numb towards her now. I still have some of it leftover tbh so I wont say I'm OVER her. I still got hype talking to her again and it being not complicated for once. And i do still check her socials a lot. But I will say, I think I've fallen out of love at the very least

I still don't want her to suffer or anything because she is one of the kindest and most charming people you'll ever meet when she wants to be. She would bend over backwards to help out or make someone feel good. She just has to be in the right mood for it. I've seen her give shit away on this game she loves just to help a new player out. I've listened to her check on everyone in her house even when she felt like straight garbage purely cause she knew they all were expecting her to. Just incase one of em was waiting on that to vent or something. She really does have a good heart

Buuut when she doesn't want to/doesn't have to do all that? She's still cordial most of the time. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to paint her out to be some nasty person behind closed doors. She really isn't. Even when she's upset, she mostly is still kind, just a little short. But every once in a while, it'll be a big enough issue where she doesn't even feel like pretending to be in a good mood.. and that's her problem. She's so damn cruel once she's that upset. I get it ofc. Which is why I just put up with it for so long

When I was going through the slow realization that my days at my uni were numbered, I was a hugely bitter person. Huuuugely. But even with the mere joy of the other freshman was pissing me off, I never took that out on anyone but me. I was never rude or snarky to anyone there. Even when they were to me lmfao. It just made no sense to take it out on them

R doesn't consider that enough. She goes off tbe handle as soon as it's inconvenient for her not to. Though she's all smiles for people anyone that doesn't know her fr, she'll come back to all the people that love her and put then through the ringer

I cant take that shit anymore.

So now a little over a year after I started feeling something towards her in the first place and coming on a year after I realized what exactly I felt for her, I think I'm now throwing in the towel on all that. Just can't do it. I won't turn my life upside down for someone that can't even bother to keep my feelings in mind some days.

I dont hate her or anything at all. I'm still her friend. But until she learns how to better express herself, I don't want her any closer than a friend. Being close to her is painful dude. I'll never treat her any worse for that. I just have to keep my guard up now. I can't let her get that close to me again. Not with how she is now

I wrote that weeks ago if im being honest

And alots happened since then..

I feel like a hypocrite now. I blocked her without a peep. Even continued playing and talking with other friends and posted not thinking nothing of it. It's been a nice what.. I think coming up on 2 weeks now. I've missed her a lot. I still think of her everyday but at the same point it turned into a matter of principle. I won't even lie, if things went my way, she would either be coming to me through alllll the other methods she used to use when she actually cared to have my attention or she would be getting left in the past. But through my scattered thinking and talk with another good friend made me realize how selfish it was. Complained about her treating me worse than she would a complete random, and yet here I am damn near rubbing it in her face that I'm specifically not talking to her and her only. I feel awful for it now.

I tried to reach back out but she understandably is ignoring me too now. I think she blocked me on a few diff platforms, including my phone number.. I feel awful for doing that to her now. She's an ass at times but she's still been a really good friend to me and I hate that I lashed out without thinking of her feelings, even if it was justified ig. I'm just gonna give her space for now. Shit it took me damn near two weeks of radio silence and thinking for me to stop being angry with her

A few days later lol

We are.. in the clear? Not really honestly. We're still very distant feeling and I genuinely can't imagine ever trusting her the way I have in the past.. but it went over smoother than I thought. I know she's still upset with me, whether she wants to admit it or not. All those months of us spilling each and every thought to each other made it very easy to read her. I can't tell what exactly she's feeling, but she's hiding something.

It really kills me. I can see it plain and clear and I'd love to talk it over, but it's not really my place anymore is it? That's been the most difficult part of all this. I don't really understand how to keep a distance without coming off cold. I care about her and all but at the same point, it'd be extremely stupid to try to get her to open up while also tryna stay closed off myself. Recipe for disaster. Maybe someday she'll bring it up, but for now, I just have to pretend I don't see it

I'm very grateful to her still. She taught me a lot and she is a really good friend. I know if I ever seriously needed her she wouldn't flake on me and she's helped me so many times throughout our friendship. It's really the only reason I went back to us. It felt like a dick move to just ghost and act like her being mean sometimes completely overshadows all the good she brings. Plus I did promise I wouldn't. My feelings being hurt isn't a reason to break that promise imo. I'll stay in her life for as long as she allows it

Though that being said, she's not my best friend anymore. I don't even consider her a close friend atp. I aint gon play her or anything. Im still willing to talk about why I left and what I've been hiding for now. But once the dust settles.. she'll be treated like allllll my other friends. They don't get dogged out or anything but ya know ofc it's very different. I just don't trust her anymore

The thought of us talking through everything and finally hanging out just to hang out makes me paranoid. Will she drop me like she did when she got serious about her ex? Is she gonna be that mean everytime she has a breakup? Is she gone take my happiness the wrong way atp? Should I already preemptively be limiting my talking time with her?

Too many damn questions..

Which is why i think that's that saga done for now. I doubt she'll want to talk about it so I'm just gonna let it simmer out itself ig. I love her sm. I hate that I can't just slap the rose tinted glasses back on. She deserves someone like that. She's truly a gem once you get past all her walls. If I were stronger, I would still be chasing after her now. But after months of unsatisfying resolutions and unspoken tension, ive finally reach a point where I just can't take the hurt from it all 🤷‍♀️

Ah damn it's been tearing me up though. I've never experienced any of this bs before. I hope someday we can both get back to a place where I can consider letting her back in. I miss that time a lot. Dang ik I aint crying rn 🗿

[andysbubba]

home to me

↳ andy let you go once, he doesn't wanna lose you again

a/n: a little series? this one's probably gonna have another chapter or two hehe <3

𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

---

Andy's stomach churned when he sees you. In a very good way. It's been a good two years since the break up and he can barely believe that he's seeing you right then and there— in the corner of the cafe that Andy knows you love going to. Your voice made his heart flip. It's so goddamn beautiful and Andy misses it so damn much.

He doesn't even know why he's so stunned at the sight of you. It's the only reason why he's there— why he's always going there almost every weekend, hoping to get a glimpse of you sometime. You're in the fuzzy, furry jacket that you're always wearing on chilly days, your hair pulled up with a claw clip and your laptop right in front of you with a cup of coffee right by the side.

He tried to get over you, he really did. But even after all the women he met after you, no one made him feel the same way you did. The butterflies in his stomach he gets just talking to you like some teenager, or how his heart just flutters when you smiled at him with that beautiful grin.

Andy couldn't help but look at you every two minutes, while he's waiting in the queue for his turn. He's thinking of what to say if he even has the guts to walk up to you and say hi.

The break up wasn't necessarily bad... it was mutual. Kinda. You were in the middle of your studies and you just wanted to focus on doing well and getting your masters. It's not that Andy was a distraction— really, he actually helped a lot. But between studying and trying to make sure you don't abandon Andy, you realised that taking a break would be good for the both of you.

You were young, only 24 while Andy was 14 years older than you are. He's so mature and wise that you just felt that you just wanted to grow as your own person before you and Andy took it any further and got more serious. You thought that you'd work on yourself, fixing up your flaws and make yourself just grow into a better version of yourself. And as much as Andy disagreed, he didn't want to force you to keep being with him. He thought that maybe, you both could just grow as time passes, and that you can change right next to him.

But he just agreed with you, because he definitely does not want to pressure you into being in a relationship with him no matter how much he actually wants you to stay with him. So technically, it was a mutual break-up to you. But he didn't really feel the same.

And unsurprisingly, Andy simply cannot get over you. Two years passed, and he just wishes that you're by his side again.

"Hi! What can I get for you?"

Andy snaps out of his trance, stepping towards the cashier and ordering his coffee to-go with a bagel as well. He takes a quick glance at you before he decides to change his mind. "Actually— I'll just have those here."

Wait— you recognise that voice.

You instantly glance up from the screen of your laptop, watching the familiar back and broad shoulders standing at the cashier. Holy fuck- Andy?

Your gaze turns back down to your laptop, your mind trying to decide between approaching him or just letting him go... again... like you did 2 years ago. He still fits into those polo tees like a glove, the jeans barely doing his ass justice but it really accentuates his goddamn thighs.

Fuck. Two damn years and you still have it bad for him.

"Can I join?" Andy glances down at some blueprint or floor-plan thing you have on your laptop. "Unless I'm interrupting— you look busy."

"Andy—" You turned to him and back to the opened floor-plan on the screen. "No, no. Hey-" You lowered the screen and put it aside, leaving some space for Andy. You gestured at him to join you in the booth.

Andy takes up the offer, setting the cup in his hand and the bagel right in front of you before he slides in. "Hey,"

You let out a breathy laugh as you look at him, fidgeting with your fingers underneath the table. "Been a long time."

"Yeah," He nods, offering you one of his adorable smiles as he rests his forearms on the table. "I stopped seeing you around, thought you moved away."

"I thought you did— till I heard the news talking about one of your cases." You retort, lips curling into a soft smile. "How've you been, Andy?"

"Same old, y'know. Long hours at the office and takeout nights. Nothing really changed." Andy grins, "How's everything goin' for ya?"

Oh— and he definitely isn't wrong when he said 'nothing really changed'. For this 40-year-old man to still look like the Andrew Stephen Barber you met like 4 years ago? Phew.

"Uhm- pretty good! I'm uh- I just signed a contract with Perkins and Will."

Andy's lips curled into a wide grin. "You did it!"

He remembers?

Your head tilts as you look at him. "You remember?"

"Of course, hon. That's your dream firm." He reaches over table and pats your hand. "I'm happy for you, Y/n."

"Thank you, Andy," You brush a hand through your hair, eyeing Andy in his whole polo tee and jeans glory. "I'm surprised you aren't working on a Saturday morning,"

Andy lets out a laugh at your words, "Yeah- I just thought, y'know. Uh- I'm old enough to stop being such a workaholic."

You raised a brow at that, "Andy, you aren't old." You give him a suggestive glance as your eyes trace his whole figure. "Definitely don't look like it."

"I'll say the same thing for ya, Y/n." Andy didn't bother hiding his gaze either, eyes trailing down your body till it's back up to your face. "Two damn years and you still look as gorgeous as ever, sweetheart."

A breathy laugh leaves your lips. "Always as flattering as ever, Mr Barber."

"You know I'm an honest person, sweetheart." Andy winks before he takes a sip of his coffee.

You hum as you run your finger on the edge of your own cup. "I remember you telling me that all lawyers are really good liars."

You love how familiar this feels. It's like nothing has changed and both of you are back in 2019. Good, good days. Letting Andy go was a dumb move on your side, you realised that pretty soon after the break-up. You should've known that you and Andy would've made it work someway, somehow.

"C'mon, honey. Y'know I can never lie to you." The wide smile he has on his lips is as charming as ever and god if it doesn't just make you fall in love again- as if you ever fell out of love with him in the first place. Andy clears his throat, a hand inching to the back of his neck and softly rubbing the spot. You instantly realised that he's a little nervous. "You dating anyone?"

You let out an almost silent snort, scoffing at his question. "Ya think? I just called you hot five minutes ago, handsome."

Andy takes a bite of his bagel, looking up at you through those goddamn long eyelashes as his mouth moves to chew the food and those fucking pink lips making you stare at him like a horny teenager.

"You've got to stop staring at me like that, sweetheart." He warns, but the glint in his eyes is telling you that he really doesn't mind you staring him up like that.

Your brows raised immediately in defence. "Like what?"

You tried your best to fight the grin fighting its way to form on your lips. But Andy is a goddamn lawyer, after all. He knows his shit and he knows that you're just being a tease.

He huffs, brow arched as he looks at you. "Like you wanna eat me." He replies shortly, lips curling into a smirk. "Cause I was planning to take this slow after 2 whole years. And you aren't helping."

You hum, picking your cup up and taking a sip from it, hiding the grin forming on your lips behind the cup. "You can still wine and dine me if you wanna." You set the cup down and lean forward, head tilted to one side with your head resting in your palm. "But y'know, I'm pretty impatient."

Andy laughs, backing away from you and resting back against his seat. "Guess it's good that I've got enough patience for both of us, huh?"

You laugh at his words. "We'll see, Mr Barber."

He takes your words as an invite to ask you out. "Dinner tonight? My place."

You playfully rolls your eyes, ignoring the little flutter in your heart. "Who's impatient now?"

"It's a yes or no question, sweetheart."

"Still that cute little loft?"

"I'll text you my new address later."

You couldn't fight the grin forming on your lips. "It's a date."

---

He was at the grocery store when he pulled out his phone and goes to your contact to shoot you a text. It has always been there, saved and never deleted. He didn't want to get rid of the hope that he might have you back.

Andy: 242 Warren St [sent 3.24pm]

Andy: See you tonight, sweetheart. [sent 3.25pm]

You didn't reply so Andy just assumed that you read it. He's looking forward to seeing you again tonight and he's excited.

---

It wasn't till you got home that you realised that Andy doesn't have your new number.

-

LOL I LOVE CLIFFHANGERS.

thanks for reading and uhm come join my taglist if you liked this little chapter? I'm definitely looking forward to writing this one.

do tell me what you think about this, lovelies! i'm kinda excited to see where this goes

-haney

taglist: @milea @ajeff855 @fanofalltheficsx @justile @christowhore @amelia-song-pond @melissad1974 @thegirlwiththeimpala @bval-1 @suchababie @ephemeralfics@franzliszts-wife @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hallecarey1@paintdripsandbrownies-blog @notbrooklynsblog @perfect-peter@alwaysclassyeagle @coffeebooksandfandom @gitasor @mansaaay @iguess-vall @feralherbs @kaiparker-avengerssmut

[cooki3face]

My post-shower routine 🧸✨

I typed this once before and accidentally deleted it, but I'm going to attempt to type it again, maybe even better this time for you guys. This is the part two or second half to my first post on this topic where I went over my in shower routine with you guys, it did so well overnight thank you so much by the way, I really appreciate your support and I hope you enjoy my post. <33 You can find the first part, where I talked about my in shower routine right here. If you haven't, please read the first one before you read this one so that you can get my complete regimen.

♡ Facial Skin Care ♡

I often remove my makeup as soon as I get home so breaking down my makeup depending on how much I have on and removing it isn't always included in this part. I start by using my Conair True Glow facial spin brush to wash my face and make sure I'm getting it extra clean and removing anything else that may be leftover on my skin from my day. I use Mary Kay's Clear Proof Acne System as my go-to. I'll begin with the Clear Proof Clarifying Cleanser for Acne Prone Skin then move onto the Clear Proof Pore-Purifying Serum, Clear Proof Spot Solution, and last but not least, the Clear Proof Oil-Free Moisturizer for Acne-Prone Skin in that order.

♡ Moisturizing & Prepping skin for the night ♡

I know what you're thinking; "why did you stand there in your towel or butt naked to do skin care when you could've done this part first?" Lol I don't know why I do it this way I just do. But this is my most favorite part of my whole post shower routine I love to stay moisturized and smooth especially if I've just shaved or removed any body hair. First I start with this really lovely Lavender and Chamomile infused Petroleum jelly from Amazon. I apply it all over my body, when it comes to using petroleum products less is more and a little goes a long way. And then I top it off with my Hempz Spun Sugar and Vanilla Bean Herbal Body Moisturizer I adore this lotion, it smells so good and it has glitter in it. My peers compliment me on my glowing glittery skin all the time 💖 it's definitely my staple lotion now. And now, because I'm extra, I like to dap a little bit of vanilla scented essential oil on my wrist, behind my ears, and on my collar bones. I highly recommend that you invest in some essential oil of your choice if you're not into perfumes, they last all day long and come in a variety of beautiful and yummy fragrances to choose from. I've been using the one that I have at the moment for quite a while and a friend of mine told me that my signature smell was so nostalgic to them that it reminded them of the very first year we spent with one another. I'll never forget that compliment <333

♡Oral Hygiene♡

First, I begin with floss because if I don't my dentist will surely have something slick to say and attack my gums with her sharp metal tool. Then I like to use my Hello activated charcoal toothpaste, then I make sure to rinse with mouthwash for 60 seconds, and afterwards I use a special LED whitening light that has a built in timer just to make sure my smile is extra pretty.

♡Hair Prep♡

I am a black girl so wrapping my hair and protecting it throughout the night is highly important to me. Whether I have braids, a wig, or I'm rocking my natural I always tie my hair down and put on a bonnet before bed. If I have braids a ponytail and a bonnet will do just fine, If I have a wig I'll tie down my lace to make sure it's laid in the morning and put my bonnet on top, if my hair is out in an afro I'll use a rubber band/hair tie method and put my hair up in sections to be sure it doesn't shrink over night and if I've styled my natural hair earlier that evening I'll tie down my edges and put a bonnet on as well. Remember, if you have curly hair, always choose a bonnet that makes you feel pretty and special. I've got a silky pink bonnet, princess vibes for sure.

♡Vitamins♡

I take three different vitamins/supplements before bed. Cranberry pills for urinary tract health (take care of your 😻 it's the only one you'll ever get to keep.) A biotin pill because my external beauty is just as important as my internal beauty and I stand by that, and a melatonin gummy so I'm promised a good amount of beauty sleep before the next day, being sleepy/drowsy and productive don't mix.

As always,

Stay pretty, - 𝓑

[not-poignant]

Back in the day when I was using FFN I saw a lot of people write their story however they wanted, and then remove the segment that didn’t adhere to the guidelines, leaving a link to their blog where they would post the deleted scene. It was a headache but it’s better than them not posting the story at all. I know that’s a lot of work to do for your already written stories, but maybe m&m? It’s just so sad to think that you’ll be walking on these stupid eggshells writing it.

Hi hi anon!

It was a headache but it’s better than them not posting the story at all.

Definitely. I've been on fandom sites for about twenty years, and when I wrote fanfiction under another name, for a small archive, I did this myself. You know, wrote a more explicit scene, told people they could email me for the chapter (since this was more common back then), and so on.

But you know what's way way way better than all of that?

Being able to post whatever I want on AO3. The freedom is so nice, and I'm never going back to shadily hiding explicit scenes in my metaphorical trenchcoat for folks. I'm done with living that way. And I'm never going to go back to that kind of 'dark ages' dystopian way of getting past censorship while AO3 exists, y'know? :) I was so a happy to walk away from that site, and I'm so happy not to be using the un-user-friendly clusterfuck that is FF.net anymore.

If Wattpad users do want all of my works, they can come to AO3, or download the stories in their entirety from AO3 and read them at any time on their e-readers. So they're technically not missing out if they're just willing to look a bit further afield! :D

As for Mallory & Mount, I'm no longer the kind of writer who writes stories that are 80% porn and 20% story, so the sex scenes won't actually be super prevalent in Mallory & Mount, it's very story driven. And though the sex scenes will be extreme and dubcon, I don't consider this the same as the outright rape that happened in Game Theory. I'm not as worried about that. Same with Underline the Black. I'm just not that kind of writer anymore, I can still write very intense scenes and quite extreme dubcon, but I just don't really feel the urge to put it in every chapter these days? So I don't think most people reading say - The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle - which has lengthy, intense BDSM scenes, would call that a 'porn story' first and foremost, even though it has porn. There's just too much story happening around all the sex, lol.

I don't really think of it as walking on eggshells honestly. I'm just not risking certain stories out of the gate, and they're already safe and fine on AO3 (and Dropbox). And while some of my stories are in a grey area, I'm confident I can articulate why they're valuable and have merit as narratives and/or cut my losses and keep them on AO3.

My shortlist of stories for Wattpad if folks are interested is:

The Wildness Within Stuck on the Puzzle From the Darkness We Rise Into Shadows We Fall The Golden Age that Never Was Spoils of the Spoiled possibly Falling Falling Stars (the length is offputting but I actually think the story could do really well there because it's very consent focused and it has a clear 'sexual assault is bad' message lol) Inmates Passiflora The Beast that Chose Its Own Bridle Underline the Black Mallory & Mount

I won't be putting them all up at once, but chapter by chapter as with any serial. The first two in the list are the first two I'll be starting with and they both just need covers now, they're ready to launch. I'm going with a fanfiction/original fiction mix because I can! :D

Stories that I'm not putting up on Wattpad at all:

The Wind that Cuts the Night (I think the front-heavy violent BDSM in the beginning will be too high risk even if it develops a story later - it's a shame because I think it works really well as an 'original novel' even though it's fanfiction). Game Theory The Court of Five Thrones Strange Sights short stories

Stories I'm on the fence on but will make a decision about based on how the short-list goes, or based on how well I think they can do on their own:

Eversion The Ice Plague anything else, lol.

I'm on the fence about The Ice Plague because it's the end point of the canon, but a lot of people came into Fae Tales through that story and I think handled it pretty well.

Eversion has some outright noncon, and while I think it has a strong 'sexual assault is bad' message, it also has Connor 'gosh I love degradation and humiliation and being told I'm filthy and slutty sir' Perkins in it, and even some AO3 readers struggled to find what Connor consented to, consensual, simply because they struggled to see why anyone would enjoy suffering like that. I have never had a character scream 'this is consensual' more in a story and have so many people be like 'oh god this is so horrible, he hates it so much' lmaoooo. I feel like Wattpad readers are going to be even less forgiving of that than AO3 readers.

Anyway, y'all know my plan now! :D It's going to take aaaaaages because I'll be releasing the chapters over time and I'm only going to have like 1-2 old stories updating at once, so um, it might actually take around 8 years to upload everything?

...*laughs nervously*

But no, no, I've been in fandom for over 20 years anon, I am well and truly over the dark ages of 'lol hmu for a link of the explicit wink wonk banned stuff' or 'haha click this link because this puritanical site won't let us be adults!' AO3 is where it's at. And I think we can all just appreciate that it's truly best to just...be able to post anything fictional + sexually taboo there, and not have to worry about a corporation potentially smacking us in the face for it.

[starfirette]

Corynorhinus

✨very short. My first battinson fic. I wrote it literally laying in bed on my phone, when I should be sleeping. This fic is such shit and I might delete it LOL

✨ angsty, I went for sad vibes here, I stole some Batman Begins dialogue.

✨ masterlist ~ more battinson to come ❤️

Raindrops pattered the canvas of your black umbrella.

The cloudy sky and the wind chill made you shiver, your teeth rattling in your skull as you watched Bruce hide behind the door.

"You haven't been answering my calls," you said, loudly to be heard over the thunder storm.

Bruce's soft eyes flickered down. "I've been working," he said.

For a brief moment only thunder and rain played between you two.

Bruce carefully opened the door wider, finally revealing his full figure. Bloody gauze and prickly sutures poked from the collar of Bruce's dark tee shirt.

He posed awkwardly at the threshold, staring at a spot on the ground with hard eyes.

"You could look at me, at least," you said firmly. You refused to lose your composure.

Bruce's eyes dragged up, the movement looking painful on his pale eyelids. Purple shadows kissed the bags of his eyes, the darkness like the night he was so fond of. He loved it so much that it had become part of him; the night was a physical feature on Bruce Wayne's face, in those purple shades much like bruises.

"You're sad," Bruce muttered. His words were strained. The thick weight of his voice betrayed his heart.

"I never hear from you," you said. You shrugged, your body shifting back and forth with uneasy distress. You were moments away from falling apart.

It was perhaps a pathetic display. The most pathetic that Bruce Wayne had ever likely seen. You knew Bruce well enough to know that's what he was thinking behind those somber eyes.

You stood on the doorstep of the derelict house, trying to shield yourself from the stinging rain. Beyond Bruce was darkness; more darkness, more shadows.

"I would have never come back if it weren't for you," you told him. You gripped the umbrella for dear life. It was the only physical relic keeping you grounded, and without it you worried you would collapse.

Your words trembled into the rain.

As thick drops pounded the canvas of your umbrella, Bruce stared at you with furrowed brows. He looked so expectant: so ready to listen to your woes.

"After all the death and loss I've felt, I didn't think there was anything left here for me. Gotham felt like a graveyard. But then you...you were selfish."

"You made me fall in love with you. You lured me in with unspoken promises. Security, loyalty, long lasting companionship. I was so willing to leave everything behind to be with both of you. With Bruce and the Bat. I thought that maybe they were one in the same. That Bruce Wayne was the Bat in some weird way.And then it all went to shit. I know that Bruce Wayne loves me. But I don't think that He does."

Bruce's eyes didn't waver as he watched you fidget in place.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you could feel tears slide down your face.

This was to be expected.

You're sure that Bruce knew what you'd been leading up to all this time. There's no way he could be so ignorant. He knew that you'd eventually leave.

And he'd let it happen. He didn't try to stop it. He didn't try to fix the problems that plagued your mind and heart.

You shrugged, rain slipping down the back of the umbrella and splashing the back of your legs. "Maybe one day, when Gotham doesn't need Batman anymore, I'll see him again. The man that loves me. But I can't wait. I can't put my life on hold for him. For either of them."

"Where will you go?" Bruce asked, his voice just a slight decibel higher.

You kicked the ground to show off the black, velvet heels you begrudgingly wore. "Spain. Back to my aunt's estate. I'll stay there for a while. Until it feels better."

Until I'm over you.

The unspoken words littered the air between you.

Bruce used a bandaged hand to brush the fringe of hair from his eyes. He looked handsome with his hair out of his face. He looked like the man you'd fallen in love with.

"I hope that you take care of yourself. And of Alfred. Okay?"

"I love you," Bruce mumbled.

A painful smile spread over your mouth. "Don't say that to me."

You expected him to follow you down the steps of the worn grounds, of the Wayne estate he had recently reaquired. But each clack of your heels against the pavement marked the growing distance between you two. Your heart begged you to turn and look back, to take just one more glance-but you knew better than to torture yourself that way.

Thunder cracked throughout the Gotham countryside as you lowered your umbrella, no longer able to manage the strength and keep it up.

Cold rain sliced your skin. The drops washed your tears away.

You slid into the backseat of your car, pulling the seatbelt in place. "I'm ready," you said softly to the driver.

The car rolled out of the driveway, merging onto the main road. You watched the old Wayne country house grow smaller and smaller in the distance. You hoped that Bruce was still in the doorway, doing just the same with your car. But you knew better than to hold onto such childish hopes and dreams.

You rejected the heat that the car's vents had to offer. You closed them up, despite being cold, and you curled in your seat, leaning your head against the window.

With your arms wrapped around yourself, you tried not to shiver; warmth would only make you sad. It would only remind you of Bruce's arms around you, of the crackling fire place in his bedroom, or of the hot chocolate you drank with Alfred during the insomniatic hours of the night.

You were exhausted.

Your eyelids were heavy, as if threaded with ship anchors. You curled into the warmth of the cashmere coat, taking a deep breath. You'd reject the heat for now. You'd reject the heat until your heart could bear the weight of the emotions.

You'd reject it until your coat no longer smelled like Bruce Wayne.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I dont mean to be annoying at all but i sent an ask like 3 days ago and i dont think you saw it? Or you just forgot about it maybe, either way, I hope you're doing better steph 🥰

Hey Nonny!

I get a TONNE of Nonny asks daily/weekly/monthly, so even determining which one is yours without any identifying content is nigh impossible, so I can't tell you if I got it or not. As well, my state of mind coupled with ease of answering determines if I will answer it or not in a timely manner. I have over 600 asks in my inbox, and while I do read every one of them, I feel immense guilt when I don't reply to them. I actually tried to when I first started, and I had to set boundaries because it was affecting my mental health. I am really really sorry... I'm only one person with a full-time day job that I often do unpaid overtime for, freelancing on the side for spending money, and severe stress and anxiety (the same kind that unfortunately plagued my father) so I tend to try to stay off the computer when I'm done categorizing my blog for the day. I have to for my own mental health, these days.

For me, asks are used as content between the daily auto reblogs, so these days I only answer as many as I need to fill the spaces, so usually anything I can "quick answer" are more likely to get chosen.

Other types of asks I get: serious ones seeking my advice on something drain me emotionally, so I can only do one or two here or there. Meta-style asks require me to do some light research. Index asks require me to dig through 8 years' worth of tags. Fic rec asks that contain content that I can make a list for get drafted for later posting, so if it was a fic rec ask, that may be what has happened to it, and it will be an undetermined amount of time before you see it because it's based on how soon I can get a list done for it. Playlist asks are posted in the 2 PM EST timeslot whenever I get them, and one per day until I run out of them. Personal asks that get too personal for my public comfort often get bypassed, as do stuff about gossip, even if I agree with it (sometimes I will answer it if I am in a salty mood, LOL). Testimonial asks get posted right away since they don't require much more than a squee, and hate asks get laughed at and deleted (or occasionally posted if I can offer constructive counter arguments).

I get lots, and again, I am sorry for missing your ask. I try my best, but as I mentioned, one person with a full time job and very rare bouts of free time.

If you let me know which ask is yours, I'll see what I can do. Sorry again Nonny.

[maxladcomics]

How am I supposed to read all your stuff if I'm on mobile?! 😭 I always seem to get lost in the sauce- I mean- never ending comic hoops, and yet I'm certain that some comics are out of the chain, so I can never see them. Is there an order to the madness? I've tried to find one on my own, but it never ends! Everything is a scrambled mess in my brain and most of the characters I see make no sense to me (other than, hey, this skeleton looks really cool! So on the basic level) because I have no backstory for them. So... What should I do? I'm starting to lose hope here... Jk, but still, it's best to say that my brain is mush.

How do I see ~everything~ ever, in the most efficient manner possible?

Also, I just to be certain that you know I'm not flaming you- I love your art, even if most of it doesn't make much sense to me- but even still! I love it anyway- i just want to be in the know lol. I've been seeing your comics on and off for years I'd say- but not in any particular order, or with any logic. I feel like I'm trying to craft multiple intricate puzzles, but all of them are in the same box- but at the same time some random (great) person shows up and starts taking some of the pieces and putting them in other boxes, then adds more, also all great intricate pieces, then adds some sick bonus art to the pile- and I'm also at the same time, really, really bad a puzzles. That's the sort of sheitsuation I'm in. I have no idea how to properly use tumbler (I thought that people could post stuff to a blogs wall- I know now- sorta- that that's not how it works, but the remnants of my stupidity still remain up to this very day), and I also didn't know how to post links- so, you could probably assume why that might be a problem- just an endless supply of wack that really serves to throw my tiny pea brain for a loop.

So, I guess I'm trying to ask this, the tldr if you will: I want to read all of your stuff, but don't really know how. How do I do the do?

(Also, I've been awake for like 26 ish hours, so please forgive me for this- my brain is very frazzled)

I checked tumblr to see 99+ notes AND IM SO SORRY YOU'VE BEEN LOST FOR SO LONG- pfff

Also thank you, I 'secretly' hope that when you say about pieces and boxes and more boxes and intricate pieces that you've managed to spot some 'super secret' foreshadowing I've thrown here and there and just need some extra pages to figure it out.

I'm not sure if it works on mobile anymore because I haven't checked in around a year or two?

but this link to my comics list should work?

I also post my comics on deviantart but I doubt that's any better lol.

ANYWAY. That link is for my main storyline comics. As far as I know, most of the comics are based in the same multiverse storyline (except hungerswap, Don't come back, and maybe Science)

The other comics I do are also linked in there but I'll link them here as well

Shenanigans (as far as I remember) have no foreshadowing and is generally dumb stuff for fun. It's in order of when I posted them. So the oldest is at the top, and newest is on the bottom. YOU CAN SEE MY ART GROW ALONG THE WAY lol.

Random comics are here

Random comics, are comics that can make you either laugh or cry, or feel like there's someone standing right behind you in a dark room. A lot of my favourite comics are in this one lol and I think there's some foreshadowing, too!

...I'm lying. There's a good chance there's foreshadowing crawling everywhere through both random comics AND shenanigans. I just don't remember all of them.

There might be some comics missing or deleted, but if a "Next" or "Previous" on a comic page sends you on a loop, let me know and I can fix it!

Edit: Forgot to also link my AU blogs for Undercurrent and Fellswap