#i'll be doing the family stuff the next week but the new chapter should be up before the end of this month

[saiyan-druid-art]

Arthur & Charles from my fic Arthur Morgan's Journal ✍️

[butchcarmy]

ALEXITHYMIA CH 5: detergent, thrifting, and cake

Roommate AU: Carmy Berzatto x Reader

Chapter Rating: T (11k)

ao3 link, ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4

Chapter Summary: It’s his roommate’s birthday this week, and Carmy doesn’t find out until it’s a couple days away. Once he finds they’re unluckily spending their birthday alone, he makes it his mission to make their lonely day better. It’s the least he can do. Little does he know how much more he has to discover about them and about himself.

Tags: reader having trauma, carmy having trauma, toxic families, domesticity

A/N: It’s time… it’s time. I said last chapter was the longest…just kidding. THIS ONE is the longest, and it was hardest to write so far. The duo gets to have a lot of fun this chapter, though! arguably the most so far! A lot of domestic goodness and good food and shopping! Until… :)

also HUGE shoutout to @justaconsequence on tumblr for being my beta reader for this chapter! she was so kind and so helpful. this behemoth of a fic is too much for me to proofread on my own. anyway, thanks for reading and enjoy! can't wait to hear what y'all think!

Typically, by this time on Monday morning, Carmy's usually three cigarettes deep into paperwork, urgently (and poorly) calculating the sales the restaurant needs to make this week to stay afloat. Because even though it's a Sunday closing activity, he never seems to find the occasion to get around to it, and by 10 pm, he doesn't have the capacity to be crunching numbers. 

Not that 8 am is much better. At least he's not dissecting the debt this morning—he's studying detergent prices.

“Why is this one, like, almost 20 dollars?” Carmy stops reading the price tags and glances over at his roommate, who's squinting at products on upper shelves. The lights are always too bright in this place. “And for such a small bottle…”

“Pre-mixed organic sulfate-free 100% vegan bleach,” Carmy reads dully. 

“So stupid.” They shake their head. “Does grocery shopping ever depress you?”

“Usually,” he replies dryly. “Inflation is pretty depressing.”

“Don’t even get me started. Capitalism in general depresses me.”

“Hm, yeah. That too.” He sighs through his nose and tries to refocus. He's having a hard time processing all the numbers and letters today. “You see any unscented detergent? Somethin’ mild?”

“Um…” They crane their neck up and down, and then they crouch on the ground. They pick up a white bottle. “How's this? It's like, 8 dollars. It's not name-brand, but…”

“You know I don't care.” He kneels with them, huddling in close. They smell faintly of a sweet, yet musky perfume. He reminds himself to focus on the detergent, not the way they smell (even if it's far more interesting). “Yeah, this looks good. Thank you.”

“For your vintage denim, right?” They stand up to put the detergent in their shopping cart, which is barely separated with his stuff vs. theirs. He doesn't understand why his face grows warm at their comment, but it does. 

“Uh, yeah. It is.” If the blush shows on his face, they graciously don't comment. “Although I'll admit I don't get around to washing them as much as I should.”

“You're not supposed to wash jeans that often anyway, right?” They lean their elbows onto the rickety cart as they push it, and he ambles along next to them, matching the slow, relaxed pace of their walk. 

“Yeah, but I really…” The implications are clear. They fail in suppressing a laugh, and it makes him smile. “And I’m supposed to hand wash them, so.”

“Oh, so what you're saying is that you never wash them,” they tease.

“That is not at all what I'm saying.” They make an unimpressed face. “I do laundry, it's just…”

“Not often,” they supply helpfully. He tries to come up with something, but he's got nothing. “It's okay, I understand.”

“I promise I wash my clothes,” he mumbles, wilting. 

“I know.” There's that new smile he's grown to recognize more clearly. It's this mischievous one they get when they’re teasing him, and it's so cute he doesn't have any room in him to get even a little irritable. “I've seen you do laundry maybe once or twice.”

“Hey,” he says, warning, and they laugh and run ahead of him, the squeaky wheels of the cart giggling alongside them. 

After the night he almost burned down their apartment, he had felt different. It was like a switch being flipped, light abruptly filling up a dark room, and he's been squinting, struggling to adjust. But as he walks with them today, grocery shopping lit by blinding white fluorescents, he finds that he can see them rather clearly. 

The connection between the two of them is tangible, palpable. It's workable pasta dough that's been kneaded to uniformity. The dough is malleable, clean, and when he touches it, sticky, glutenous residue doesn't cover his palms. When he catches at them peeking over their shoulder to make sure he's still following them, he chases away the urge to pull them into his arms. He throws the desire into boiling water in hopes that enough pressure will change those feelings into something more palatable. He's not sure if it's working.

Something happened when he hugged them that Saturday night. He doesn't dare name what that “something” is, but it's rising from where it's sitting at the bottom of the pot, just about to hit the surface—

“Hey, I gotta get some stuff in this aisle.” Carmy snaps out of it and follows them as they veer the cart to the left. He raises his eyes to read the categories on the sign.

“You bakin’ somethin’?” They both move out of the way for an oncoming cart.

“Yeah, was thinking about it.” They halt to a stop in front of the boxed cake mix and step back to fully peruse the shelves. He stands next to them, and they glance at him out of the corner of their eye. “You’re not judging me for getting box mix, are you?”

“Not at all,” he answers honestly. “Food is always better when made from scratch, but box mix has its uses. Besides, I’m not a baker.”

“That’s true, but I’m sure you still make an insane cake.” Carmy’s aware he can’t make them unsee his flash of a smile, but he still shrugs. “Sure, stay humble.”

“I try. What’s the occasion?”

“Ah, nothing much. It’s just my birthday.”

“Oh, okay.” 

…And he's about to move on, just as casually as it came, but then the processing finishes.

“Why’re you lookin’ at me like that?” They ask confusedly. 

“Is it your birthday today?”

“No, um, it’s this Thursday.” He exhales in palpable relief. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He hates at how worked up he sounds.

“Um…” Their face is twinged with guilt. “...There was never a good time to bring it up?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be getting upset.” He sighs, shakes his head. “I just feel like I should’ve known, I guess.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s not your fault. I never brought it up. Um…” Their hands are fiddling with the edges of their sleeves. “I just have complicated feelings about my birthday.”

“Ah, I see. I get that.” That, he can understand. “Is it all the gifts and stuff?”

“Kinda. It’s a part of it.” They lean down to grab a box of devil’s food cake, and that makes him remember that they’re in a grocery store. Not quite the best place for a personal conversation like this. They’re being vague, but he won’t press. Not right now.

“You shouldn’t be baking for yourself on your birthday,” Carmy mutters. They smile at that, but it’s different. It’s heavy with melancholy. 

“It’s alright. I’m gonna be celebrating with my friends this weekend, just not on my actual birthday.” His conflicted expression persists. “It’s okay, really. It’s just a day. It’ll be enough of a present to not have to go into work.”

“Put that back,” he blurts out. “I’ll make you a cake.”

“Don’t you work?” Their eyebrows are arched in surprise. “You really don’t—”

“I know I don’t. But I want to. I do work, yeah, but I’ll, I’ll get someone to cover me.” He’s never said those words before in his life, and now that they’re out, he can’t take them back. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t want to take them back. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Of course,” they reply quickly. 

“Then let me do this. Please.” He has no idea where this courage is coming from. “I want to. I know I'm always working, but I really…” Their eyes are wide with wonder, yet watchful. It shouldn't make him falter, but it does. His heart stutters and whatever bravado briefly gripped him fades away. “I’m…probably being too pushy right now. Tell me to fuck off?”

“I’m not gonna tell you to fuck off for wanting to bake me a cake,” they laugh, easing his worries like they always do. “C’mon, Carm.”

“So, uh, is that a yes, or…?”

“Just so we’re clear, I’m not trying to ask you to take off of work for my birthday,” they start carefully, “but I wouldn’t object to it. So, yeah. It’s a yes.”

“Okay.” He can’t help his giddy smile. There's someone saying you look stupid like this, but he’s with them, and it makes everything else silent. “Okay, good.”

“You’re…being super sweet about all this.” He doesn’t understand why—maybe it’s the way they say it—but hearing that makes his neck go hot. 

“I mean…friends do stuff like this, don’t they?” 

“Only the good ones.” They beam beautifully at him. He hasn’t done anything to warrant their affection, he thinks, but the feeling of their smile is so warm. He can’t resist soaking in it.

He's glad that lady luck blessed him just enough to stop their birthday from passing him by. He's been itching for an opportunity to repay them for all the bullshit they've had to take from him as of recent (although he knows if he brought it up, they would say it wasn't anything worth repaying). They deserve something good from him for once, not panic attacks and nightmares. 

He just wishes he could figure out why they were going to spend their birthday alone. He knows them a lot better now, but there's still so much left shrouded. He wants to know them inside and out—he wants to learn what makes them tick, what keeps them up at night, what makes them happy. He wants to know all of it in its entirety, to fill in the gaps in the puzzle he doesn't have the pieces for.

He has some of the pieces. He understands that their relationship with their family to his—distant, strained, and difficult. Unfortunately, that’s about it. He doesn’t know any of the specifics. It’s not like he’s talked to them about his family outside of the off-handed bitter remarks, just as they have, but he finds that this fact leaves him dissatisfied.

He just hopes that they'll let him in. He's not sure if they will, but…he's gonna try. He has to. He's sick of not trying.

. . . . .

“You want to take off?” Richie’s staring at Carmy like he’s grown a second head. They're taking a smoke break in the back. “I don’t know what sort of doppelganger bullshit this is, but if you’re trying to pretend to be Carmen, you’re doing a shit job.”

“Very funny, jackass,” Carmy mutters. “I’m being serious. This Thursday.”

“All day?” Carmy grimaces, but he nods. Richie shakes his head. “You’re being weird. Really fuckin’ weird.”

“I know I shouldn’t. It’s a bad idea, but—”

“Cousin, no, that’s not at all what’s goin’ on here,” Richie interrupts, and Carmy’s at a loss for words. “This is the best idea you’ve ever had.”

“What?” Carmy squints at him. “Are you being serious?”

“‘Course I’m serious. I’m always serious.” Carmy decides not to comment on that. “Do you know how many times I’ve tried to get you off this ship for just one fucking second?”

“As the owner of this place, you’ve tried way too many times,” he replies dryly. 

“Uh, as the original co-owner of this place, you don’t listen to me enough.” Again, Carmy decides not to elaborate on that one. It’s not worth it. “Take the day off. I was running it fine before, and I’ll keep running it.”

“No, no, we’re not saying that, it was not fine,” Carmy starts, but Richie’s already flipping him off. 

“Whatever, I already know, new fucking system and all that. Don’t get anxiety or whatever over it, that’s why you got Syd hustling shit your way, right?” 

“Uh.” Carmy didn’t realize that Richie had even been paying attention to the new hierarchy in the restaurant, let alone respecting it in any capacity. “Yeah, she is.”

“Then it’s fine.” Richie blows smoke in his face, and Carmy swats it away with a glare. “It was fine when you came in an hour late today, wasn’t it?” 

“You guys knew I wasn’t gonna come in until later,” Carmy argues, defensive (although he’s not sure if there’s actually anything to argue about). 

“Exactly.” Richie sighs all of a sudden, a long one that sounds like it’s bone deep. “Carm. Let me be straight with you. You need to do this. Okay? No backing out of this one.”

“Why’re you sayin’ this? What are you sayin’?” 

“It’s ‘cause of your roommate, right? This Thursday?”

“...Yeah.” Carmy pales. “How did you—?”

“Fuckin’ knew it,” Richie says, grinning. “It was obvious.”

“No way. I didn’t say shit.”

“You didn’t need to.” Richie flicks the ash off his cigarette. “They’re changin’ you, man. We can all see it.”

“...” Carmy can’t deny that. He doesn't have time to ponder on that right now. “Is it really okay?”

“Yeah, you could stand to have an attitude adjustment.”

“I wasn’t talking about that, asshole. I was talking about Thursday.”

“Yes, for fuck’s sake, it’s completely fine.” Richie claps a hand on his shoulder, solid in its grip. It makes Carmy’s eyes snap to him, mostly in confusion. “So what’s the occasion? Must be important.”

“It’s their birthday. I mean, I could just go home early that day, but—”

“Yo, if you’re gonna take off, don’t halfass it—”

“That’s not what I was gonna say. When I’m here, I can’t seem to find my way out. This place…it just has a way of trapping you in.” He doesn’t expect Richie to nod, but he does. “I know if I don’t take the whole day off, I’ll never get out of here in time. Not until it’s too late.”

For some reason, that makes Richie laugh. 

“Yeah. That's it.” Richie shakes his head as smoke trails out of his mouth. “That’s just it, man. You have to make time for the things that’re important. Even the recitals where you have to listen to five year olds play twinkle twinkle little star 20 times. You can’t miss shit like this. Because once you miss it, it’s gone.”

“Rich.” Carmy wants to say something to make that haunted expression leave Richie's face, but he doesn't come up with anything in time.

“Don’t give me that look.” Richie’s hand falls from his shoulder. “I’m just tryin’ to stop you from fucking shit up. They actually seem like a good person.”  

“Y’think so?”

“I do. You?”

“Yeah.” Carmy doesn’t bother hiding his smile, even though he can already sense Richie’s teasing coming from a mile away. “They’re a really good friend.”

“Friend. Sure.” Richie snorts. 

“Don’t push it,” and for some reason he adds, “they were gonna spend it alone.”

“Huh. Sociable guy like them spending it alone?”

“I know. I didn't ask. Maybe I should've.”

“Maybe. I dunno, cousin. Everyone's got their secrets. Especially the ones that try to act like they don't have any.”

“You're strangely full of wisdom today.”

“Fuck right off,” Richie responds in regular Richie fashion.

“I think they're like me. Like us.” Carmy's not sure why he's saying this on a Monday afternoon at work out of all times, but the truth bursts out of him beyond his will. Richie's expression shifts into something more solemn, something recognizable. “Y'know what I mean.”

“...Yeah.” Richie claps his hand on Carmy's back again. “Shitty parents club.”

As Carmy stands there in the back, feet sore and tobacco in the air, he sees his childhood in flashes. He's five years old again and is following Mike around with scuffed sneakers and untamed hair, although he supposes that unruliness never truly changed with time. There's warm sunlight filtering through green summer leaves. He hears his mother behind him, somewhere, but maybe he doesn't. 

He thinks of home, of his bedroom, and it is cold. He has homework he’s failed to complete again. It's sitting on his desk, on top of all of the other shit he can't finish. There's screaming, and he's not listening.

He blinks. He’s 30, and he hasn’t talked to his mom since Michael died.

“Shitty parents club,” Carmy repeats hollowly. 

. . . . .

When Thursday morning arrives, Carmy ends up greeting his roommate with flour in his hair and eggs sizzling on the pan. 

“Um,” they say, just as Carmy goes “G'morning.” They both freeze, brief awkwardness circling between them before it dissipates with their breathless laugh.

“Good morning. I didn't think you'd actually take off,” they admit.

“I said I would,” he replies quietly, but it's not accusatory. How many times had he said he'd be home for dinner just for him to arrive when they're already asleep? He tries not to make empty promises anymore. Nonetheless, he understands their surprise. “Um, I'm almost done with breakfast. I didn't get to the coffee yet.”

“Am I supposed to be offended?” They laugh. “That's the least I can do, with you doing all of this.” They sluggishly shuffle behind him to reach down into some kitchen cabinets. “It's a special day, so I'll even make us pour overs.”

“That's true. It is special.” He peeks over his shoulder, pausing from basting the eggs in brown butter to see them setting up on the kitchen island. They gently place the hourglass-shaped glass onto the counter with a light clink. He silently switches the button on for the electric gooseneck kettle to his right. “Am I allowed to wish you a happy birthday, or should I not?”

“Hm, I don't mind. Just don't overdo it, which I doubt you will.” They pull out a bag of coarse ground coffee and a filter. As soon as they open the bag, he can smell the sweet scent of the light roast floating towards him. 

“Okay. Then, happy birthday,” he says as casually as he can.

“Thanks, Carmy.” He studies their expression, searching for annoyance in their content expression, but he doesn't find any. “That's not even really what I meant by today being special, though.”

“How else did you mean it?” The eggs are done. He reaches over the hot pan to cut the heat.

“Well, y'know. I dunno if we’ve ever had a full day off together.” They're carefully scooping grounds into the filter fitted on top of the glass, creating a small hill. “I think I managed to catch you coming home early on my off days sometimes, but never a full day.”

“Huh.” Carmy has to take a minute to think about that one. “Yeah, I don't know either. I think you're right.”

“Then, like I said. It's special.” They seal up the bag of coffee grounds, and then they frown. “Shit. I forgot to turn on the kettle. Can you—”

“Already did it,” he reports, pleased, and his sense of accomplishment only doubles at their sigh of relief. 

“Thank god.” There's the familiar clicking sound of the kettle reaching the perfect temperature. “Just in time, too. Can you hand it to me?”

“Yes, chef,” he says, because it always makes them laugh. Today is no exception. He slides the metallic kettle over to them. 

“So what delights did you whip up over there?” They ask. They begin pouring the almost boiling water over their coffee grounds in a slow circle, gradually inching towards the middle. “It smells amazing. I want the full break-down.”

“The full break-down, got it.” On two circular plates, he's carefully placing a fried egg, thick cut bacon, and a slice of toast with jam and butter. “Uh…it's nothin’ special, just stuff we had in the fridge. We've got a, uh, brown-butter fried egg with a little paprika, sage, pepper, salt…”

“Oh, just an egg made with liquid gold, no big deal,” they imitate.

“Cut it out,” he snips back, but he's smiling and they know it. “There's honestly not much to it. This thick-cut bacon was in the back, so I cooked the rest of it. And the toast is just brioche with salted honey butter and blueberry jam.”

“Carmy. C'mon. That's nothing special to you?”

“I mean.” It's not quite nothing, he thinks. “I can make nicer breakfasts, is all.”

“That's what you said when you made me garlic bread, and that fucking blew my mind.” They set the kettle down with a thunk. The glass is full of dark coffee. Prepped next to them is their favorite glass mug alongside Carmy's. He's not sure how they knew that it was his favorite, but he doesn't question it.

“I'm just letting you know that you should wait to be really impressed.” 

“Too fucking late, man.” He's turned around and placed the two breakfast platters on the kitchen island, and they gawk openly at it. “Holy fuck.”

“It's ready,” he says, surprisingly meek. He can't comprehend why anxiety's hitting him now of all times. He's served acclaimed food critics, top-security government officials, and celebrities more times than he can count. Before that audience, he never faltered, but in front of his roommate in their crumpled pajamas, his heart stutters. 

“Oh, wow…” They regard the food with undeserved softness. Like a punctured balloon, his anxiety immediately begins deflating. They're staring at the food like it's a painting in a museum. “You seriously didn't have to do all of this.”

“I know. I just wanted to.” He feels heat on the back of his neck. “Is…is that okay?”

“It's more than okay.” Suddenly, he notices their eyes are puffy, like they were crying. “Goddamnit, get over here.” 

He only registers what's about to happen for one second before they're hugging him. Their palms are on his back, and the top of their head tucks under his chin perfectly. He makes a small, surprised noise. 

“I, I'm glad you like it.” He links his arms around them, allows himself to rest his chin on their head. With their face turned to the side, their ear's pressed up against his chest, and he's instantly struck with the paranoia that they're gonna hear his rapid heartbeat. 

“I haven't even taken a bite yet, and I love it.” They lean back then, arms still wrapped around him and head craned upwards to look at him. It's far too intimate for what they are, and Carmy hates how his heart beats even harder. “Thank you for doing all this. Seriously. I…”

“The breakfast's just a side thing, I'm, um, still baking you a cake.”

“What? You're doing this and a cake?”

“Um,” Carmy repeats intelligently.

“Carmy. Carmy, Carmy, Carmy.” Their words ooze affection, but surely he's just imagining it. Their hands are crawling up his back. “God, I could just ki—”

“There's the timer,” Carmy blurts out, because his phone's ringing and so are his ears. At the sound, they let him go, and he grabs two towels to retrieve the two circular cake pans from the oven. A toothpick poked through the middle comes out clean, so he sets them on a wire rack to cool. 

He needs to focus on the cakes. That's the most important thing.

“Oh my god.” They lean in close to the cake and take a deep breath. “Is this—”

“Devil's food cake, yeah.” The heat searing his face is surely from opening the oven. 

“You—how did you—” Their smile is luminous with joy. “You really pay attention to every little thing, don't you?”

“Sometimes. When it counts.” He fidgets awkwardly, nails picking at the sides of his fingers. “Wanna eat by the window, or…?”

“Fuck yeah I do. Can you bring the plates over? I'll have the coffee over in just a second.”

Carmy sets up at their little table first, placing the plates just right across from one another. The morning sun casts a cozy glow through their speckled window, streaking planes of light across the floor. He patiently waits and watches them pace from the fridge to the counter, splashing cream into their mugs. Through the transparent glass, he watches the white fizzle into the dark coffee, blending into a warm brown.

“Just a tiny spoon of sugar for you, right?” They peek over their shoulder, catching his stare, and he nods. He's also not quite sure how they know that, either. They've had coffee in the morning maybe a handful of times before.

He supposes they also pay attention sometimes, when it counts.

“Alright, here we go.” They bring a mug in each hand and set them delicately down on the table. He notes that his coffee is the perfect color. “Oh, thanks for waiting. You didn't have to.”

“I, I guess so, yeah. It's just, uh, you always wait for me, so…”

“That's—that's true.” An odd tension sets in their face, but they laugh it off, and it disappears. “I guess I’m not used to it anymore.”

A part of him wants to ask further by what they meant by that, but they're already taking pictures of his food so dutifully. He doesn't want to ruin it, so he eats. 

It's nice to have a solid breakfast for once. He had taken their advice from the other night and had been drinking milk with protein powder. It was nice not to feel like he was teetering the edge by lunch time, but truthfully, it was a bit unsavory. This breakfast platter is much more palatable. It also helps that his stomach pains aren't active today. 

Time rolls by slowly this quiet morning, and Carmy recognizes the oddity of it immediately. It's clear to see when by this time, he's usually already done at least ten laps through the restaurant. An irritating signal in his brain is telling him that he needs to get up and do something, not sit around and eat, but for once, he doesn't want to listen. 

A memory from roughly two weeks ago (or was it one week?) unearths all of sudden. He was up early, drinking shitty coffee and sinking into dissociation. Mornings were lonely, as he was usually the only one up, but not that day. His roommate came stumbling into the kitchen, awake from a restless night. They chatted before he had to head out, and he remembers wishing he had more time in the morning to spend with them. 

He imagined a morning just like this one, with pajamas, food, and messy hair. He daydreamed about having all the time in the world, and he thought about getting to spend it all with them. Now he’s sitting in that moment he imagined, except that it’s real. They're across from him in their wrinkled pajamas and bedhead, contentedly mowing through their food. There's a smear of jam on the corner of their mouth. He takes a sip of his coffee, and it's perfect, just as they made it for him. 

This amount of good should scare him, needs to scare him, but he just can't bring himself to care anymore. He wants more than nightmares, cigarettes, and floating just above the budget. He wants this.

He tastes his coffee and reminds himself that he’s still here. The moment hasn’t passed him by. 

“Is it good?” He asks quietly. It’s a rhetorical question, it always is, but he can’t help himself. He wants to hear it from them. 

“So. Fucking. Good.” They have to finish chewing before they answer. “You always knock it out of the park. If this is the prelude, I don’t know if I can handle what’s next,” they say, gesturing towards the cooling cake.

“It won’t be ready for a while yet. You have time to prepare yourself.” That makes them smile. All according to plan. “Got anything in mind for today?”

“Nothing glamorous. I was just gonna go out for a little. Go thrifting, maybe watch a movie later. Smoke a joint.” They shrug. “Just my usual sort of thing.”

“Mm.” He dusts off crumbs from the toast off his fingers on his pants. “Sounds like a good time. You still wanna go?”

“I do, yeah.” They stare at him for a moment, as if processing his words. Or just him. “Do you…wanna tag along, or…?”

Whenever they ask him if he wants to spend time together (whether it’s grocery shopping, smoking, or watching a show), they usually offer it with an air of nonchalance. Carmy’s assumed it’s been out of politeness, restraining their expression as to not put any pressure onto him. That’s the person he’s used to, not this uneasy anxiety, someone afraid to ask him to spend time with them.

It reminds him of himself in every way. 

“I’d love to tag along,” he answers easily, just as they’ve always done for him. “I’ve got the whole day off, after all.”

“Right. ‘Course.” He watches their little smile double in size. “I promise to not make you watch me try on clothes for too long.”

“I wouldn’t mind. I like thrifting, y’know.” And you, he thinks to himself. 

“You do? Oh, of course—” They make a contemplative noise to themself. “Vintage denim. I always wondered how you managed to have so many pairs.”

“Once you know where to look, they’re pretty easy to find. I can help you find some, if you want.”

“I’d love that. I realized the other day that I don’t have any dark wash jeans, so—actually, the truth is that I do have a pair, but they’re so fucked up and old that I never wear them anymore. Anyway, I need new jeans. Think you could find some dark wash blue jeans for me?”

“If you’re willing to hit up more than one store, then definitely,” he replies, just a smidge cocky.

“I’m willing to hit up even two more stores.” He pretends to gasp, to which they nod confidently. “Yeah. That’s right. Maybe even three.”

“We won’t need three,” Carmy promises. “I’m better than that. Probably won’t even need two, but…” He shrugs. “We’ll see what they’ve got.”

“Okay, Mr. Confident over here,” they tease. “Let’s see what you’ve got!”

They head out after they both clean the kitchen and freshen up. Carmy gets the flour out of his hair and rewets his hair to revive some of his curls. He silently thanks his past self for showering the night before. With the passage of the morning cold and the rising sun, the afternoon weather’s become brisk and pleasant. However, the weather’s barely a factor in how he’s dressing. 

Is this too much? Is this not enough? He’s switching shirts and pants in the mirror like he’s about to go on a date. He knows he’s not, swears to himself that he’s not, but he’s put product in his hair and cologne on his wrists and temples. It’s not a date, but he can’t fucking decide what to wear. 

He sucks it up and settles on a gray sweater, light wash blue jeans, and white sneakers. From under his collar and at the bottom of his sweater peeks out a brown button up. It’s probably too much, but this is his sixth outfit change. He’s fed up with it and himself.

After adjusting the gold chain that got hidden under his collar, he steps out. 

He finds them already waiting by the door in this thick knit cardigan and fitted plaid pants that makes his heart stutter. When they hear him approaching, their head snaps up from their phone, and their skin sparkles with touches of makeup. 

“You look really nice.” He has no idea how he let that slip, but he’s more shocked that he didn’t stutter once. 

“Ah, th—thank you,” they stammer, fingers fidgeting with the edge of their sleeve. He’s not sure if it's their makeup or their skin that’s doing the blushing. It’s nice to see them being the one tripping over their words for once. “You look pretty handsome yourself.”

“Oh. Um.” Handsome? It echoes in his head. He instantly feels self conscious. So much for being the more suave one for once. “Thanks, uh…I just didn’t wanna wear my work clothes,” he lies in an attempt to ease his embarrassment.

“I gotcha.” He’s glad they don’t challenge him on it. “Shall we head out?”

“Yeah. Where we headed first?”

They take the metro to their personal favorite shop a little up north. The metro’s surprisingly busy for a Thursday afternoon, but the crowd forces the two of them to be huddled next to each other. They’re both standing close to a pole by the window, each with one hand wrapped around the metal. 

As passengers come and go, they step closer to him to move out of the way. Eventually it just gets to a point where they’re standing nearly pressed up against his chest. He tries not to dwell on how that makes him feel, but he can smell the fragrance they put on, and it’s very distracting. 

Luckily, the ride is short. Any longer on the train, he might’ve put an arm around their shoulder, god forbid. 

“If we can’t find what I’m looking for here, maybe you can show me one of your favorite spots to go thrifting,” they say as they enter the thrift store. The interior is decorated, clean, and lovely, and unlike the metro, it’s not packed to the brim with people. It smells faintly of incense, and there’s local art framed all over the walls for sale. It oozes warmth and excitement, much like them. 

“There’s a ton of shit here, so maybe we won’t need to after all.” He finds himself intaking everything at once, eyes flickering from sign to sign. “I’ve never been here before. This is really cool.”

“It’s my favorite place to find new clothes.” They trail down the racks, finger flitting between clothes. “I hope you can find something you like here, too.”

“I’m sure I will.” He’s already walking to their denim section and immediately spots some contenders. “I think I already have.”

He’s not sure if they mean to spend hours in there, but he certainly does. There’s more than just clothes to look at, although that’s what takes up most of his time. There’s dishes, furniture, cds, vinyls, books, even electronics. He goes back and forth with them, clothing articles piling up in his arms as they sit on battered couches together and peruse scratched cds. Everywhere he looks, there’s just more, more, and more. 

“Okay, I’ve gotta cut myself off,” they say as they leave the furniture section. They’ve sat on nearly every chair in that place. “I already have so many clothes to try on, and that’s not even including the jeans you’ve picked out for me.”

“If it helps, some of these are mine.” Carmy flips through the layers of hanging jeans that have built up on his forearm. “If you can believe it, I even found some stuff that isn’t denim.”

“I’m not sure if I can, but seeing is believing.” They thumb through some long-sleeves he’s carrying that are seeping out from under the jeans. “I’m just glad you were able to find some stuff for yourself, too. Not that I was that worried.”

He hands them the jeans he’s found for them, all dark wash and in their size. To his surprise, they also hand him an article of clothing for him to try on. 

“I thought you’d look good in this. You’ll have to show me when you try it on,” they say, and it’s innocent, completely meaningless, but as soon as Carmy agrees and rushes to hide in the changing room, he views in the mirror and sees his flushed face. 

Doesn’t mean anything, he repeats to himself, over and over and over. Stop getting in over your head.

He tries on his items of choice first. The first is a dark green henley that looked better on the rack than it did him, so he puts it in the reject pile. The second is a dark blue long sleeve that fits just right. It’s cheap, too, so it’s an automatic purchase. He presumes the way to word it is that it hugs him in all the right places, but he’s not sure. The rest are jeans, of which only one he decides to buy. A bit pricey, but for the brand and year, it’s worth it (although he basically always uses this reasoning with himself). 

Now, for the piece of clothing they picked out for him. It’s a dark brown t-shirt that seems like it’s just the right length. It’s a muted, yet warm brown, a bit rosey in hue. He doesn’t realize it’s a v-neck until he gets it over his head and down his shoulders. 

“I’ve never worn a v-neck before,” he calls out to the room next to him. 

“Oh, are you trying it on? Do you like it?” Their slightly muffled voice calls back to him. 

“Um…I’m not sure,” he admits with a shaky laugh. The collar is lower than he’s used to. It dips below his collarbones, and between them dangles his chain. “Should I show you?”

“Yes! Hold on, lemme get some pants on. …Okay, I’m stepping out!”

He hears their door open alongside his. When they see him, their expression snaps into what he believes is surprise and delight. He’s sure he looks somewhat the same. 

They’re wearing one of the vintage jeans he picked out for them—dark blue Levi’s. Although they’re rolled up a couple times at the bottom, it seems to fit them just right. As he stares, he’s reminded of his many pairs of Levi’s, and it’s more or less like seeing them in his clothes, which is. Which is. Uh. Yeah.

“I knew that would suit you,” they say with a grin, to which he realizes he can’t hide his blush. 

“It’s not weird?”

“Not at all. It looks good.” They tilt their head to the side as they openly look him over, hip cocked. Something in their gaze is making him hot. “No pressure to buy it, of course.”

“It’s different from what I’m used to, but…” He looks down, smooths the fabric with his palm. “It’s kinda nice, something like this. Um, and what do you think about the jeans?” He needs to direct the attention off him quickly. 

“Oh, I love them. The others ended up fitting not quite right on me, but that’s how it goes.” They move from side to side, almost twirling. It’s cute. “I love these, though. Just a little long, but I’m used to it.”

“That’s how it always is. I can hem them for you, if you want. I usually hem mine.”

“And he sews,” they say, seemingly to themself, but they’re looking right at him. Embarrassing. “If you don’t mind, that’d be amazing. Either way, I’m probably getting them.”

“Good. You should. They fit well.” 

“Yeah?” They glance back into their fitting room, likely examining themself in the mirror, and then back at him. “Okay, then. Definitely getting them.” With that and a cheeky grin, they go back into their dressing room to try on the rest of their clothes. Carmy follows suit, grateful to hide his embarrassed face. 

Carmy heads to check out with the dark blue long sleeve, a pair of jeans, and the brown v-neck. They’ve decided on the pair of jeans they showed him earlier and a little purple tank-top he wishes he got to see on them. 

“Will that be all for you today?” The cashier asks him as he checks out first. Even the cashiers here are pretty nice, he finds. 

“Oh, their stuff, too.” He nods to them, who’s standing right next to him. 

“Carmy.” They glare at him. 

“What?” He feels himself smiling. 

“You can’t do this to me.”

“C’mon.” He nudges them gently with his elbow. “It’s my present to you.”

“Oh, so the present wasn’t the breakfast? Or the cake? Or helping me pick these out?”

“Why can’t it be all of them?” He decides to stop this in its tracks and takes the clothes out of their hands, sliding it onto the counter. “Just these two, and that’ll be it.”

“Just you wait until your birthday hits,” they mutter darkly, shaking their head. “Just you wait.”

“I haven’t told you my birthday.” He pauses. “Right?”

“I’ll ask Richie.”

“No, you won’t.”

“You’re giving me no choice.”

“You could also just, I don't know, not ask—”

“I wouldn't have to if you didn't force my hand—”

“You guys are cute together,” the cashier comments with a smile, surely a harmless, meaningless thing, but it shuts the both of them up. Carmy can already feel the impact of it on his psyche, and he decides to tuck away the surging emotions to unpack later. At least, he'll try. 

“You really didn't have to get those for me,” they tell him when they're exiting the store. “But I guess I should just be saying thank you. So…thank you.”

“Sure. I mean, it would've been better if it was wrapped and stuff, but…” He shrugs. “Had to get you a real present, not just food.”

“Not just food, my ass.” That makes him laugh. “It'll be nice to have something to remind me of this day, though. That's one of the nice parts of getting gifts. Everytime I wear these clothes, I'll think of you.”

“Good. Yeah, that's…good,” he finishes lamely. He nods like their words haven't flustered him, but he's sure they can tell. They laugh, and he can tell it's because of his reaction. 

“I'm sorry that the cashier said that,” they say out of nowhere.

“Why're you apologizing? It's not your fault.” Any embarrassment he was feeling before is immediately replaced with a new, more potent sort of embarrassment. He was hoping they wouldn't mention it. 

“I guess that's true. I don't know, I just…” They trail off. “Just hope it didn't upset you.”

“Not at all,” he lies, and he prays they believe it.

. . . . .

The metro is less crowded on the way home. They sit comfortably next to each other and watch the city pass them by. A part of Carmy mourns the closeness they had on the way there, but the other part tells him to get it together and keep his distance. 

“I'mma take a nap,” they say with a yawn. Their cardigan and bag have been tossed onto the couch. The new clothes have been thrown into the laundry machine, and there's the muffled sound of running water. “Maybe we could smoke and watch a movie later, though.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” He peers into the fridge to check on the cake rounds. Just as he left them. “Have a good nap.”

“Thanks, Carm,” they reply sleepily. “Wouldn't be a good day if I didn't get to have a nice nap, after all.” With that, they shuffle into their room and shut the door behind them.

Carmy spends the next two hours flying around the apartment, baking, cooking, cleaning. The sun slowly sets as he goes. He keeps his body and hands moving in hopes that his head doesn't have a chance to catch up, but it manages to keep the pace. It always does.

The crumb coat's fucked up on the left, his first train of thought says. He inspects the surface, eyes following the circumference of the cake. There's a little loose crumb. With the edge of his spatula, he tucks the crumb away. 

The faint smell of chocolate wafts up from the cold cake rounds. He's hunched over the kitchen island, hands reaching between dark chocolate frosting and cake. The afternoon sun casts harsh lights onto the cake, and it glistens. He genuinely can't remember the last time he's made a layered cake. He's never been much of a baker, anyhow. 

You're going to disappoint them, his second train of thought interrupts, running parallel to the other one at full speed. Who do you think you are? You don't make cakes. 

He leans back, inspects his work. The crumb coats are perfect. 

Fuck off, he thinks back, triumphant. Look at that shit. He runs his finger along the spatula, picking up congealed crumbs and frosting. He licks it off, and it's delicious. And it tastes good, asshole. So shut the fuck up.

You're being a nuisance, the thoughts continue. Carmy's pops the crumb coats in the freezer for a quick set. They don't actually like any of this. They're just being nice to make you feel better.

They seemed happy to me, he thinks, but he's faltering. He's washing the dishes, and the sensation of the warm water feels distant. They loved the food I made.

Couldn't you tell they were lying? He doesn't understand why these thoughts are rampaging through his head now of all times. It's not unfamiliar, but it's inconvenient. Keep this up, and you'll actually be surprised when they drop you.

Without warning, a memory hits him . As his hands drip with soap, he's reminded of playing with Michael and Sugar in the summer when he was five. Or six, or seven, he's never quite sure. They were outdoors at a local park, and the heat made the metal of the playground searing hot to the touch.

He was blowing bubbles, and the sticky mixture from the bottle was getting all over his hands. In his memory, Carmy watches the way the iridescent bubbles floated away and left little circles on the surface of the plastic slide. He can't remember why he wasn't playing with the others. He can remember the sound of their laughing voices in the distance, gleeful and delighted without him. He thinks he tried to join in, but it didn't work. It often just didn't work, and it was all his fault. 

The memory ends, and Carmy's finished washing the dishes. 

This is working, he thinks to himself. His hands are dried out from the hot water and soap. I swear to you, it's working. So just stop. Okay?

There's no response. Good enough. 

He hears the door opening as soon as he's putting the finishing touches on the cake. With a damp paper towel, he carefully swipes away stray drops of frosting that fell onto the cake stand. He thinks it's best described as if a tiramisu was turned into a devil's food cake. It's not the best cake he's ever made, but it's definitely up there in terms of looks. All the components of the cake tasted good separately, so he hopes it makes sense in his mouth as much as it did in his head. 

“Have a nice nap?” He asks before he turns his head. They're standing in the hallway, bed hair hastily tied back.

“Sorta. It was okay.” Their eyes are glued onto the cake as they walk up to the island. “Is this…?”

“This is for you, yeah,” he finishes for them. They take a seat on one of the chairs at the island. “It's a, uh, devil's food cake with vanilla mascarpone cream on the inside. The outside's this coffee buttercream…” He trails off, not knowing what else to say. He could mention the dutch processed cocoa powder, the expensive vanilla bean pods, or the endless sifting, but it feels too gratuitous. 

“Wow…” They're still staring, as if it's not quite real to them. “I can't believe this is for me. It almost looks too pretty to eat, but you know I can't wait to tear into this.”

“We could, uh, have it now, if you, if you want,” he says hesitantly. 

“I don't know if I could wait.” Their smile grows wider. “You even put candles on it?”

“We don't have to light them or anything if you don't want to,” he adds quickly. 

“The candles are the fun part. I don't mind that. The song is…okay I guess, but…” They give him an expectant, excited look. “Were you gonna sing for me?”

“...Only if you wanted to,” he mumbles, suddenly stricken with embarrassment. 

“Would that be okay? If I wanted that?”

“I wouldn't mind.” Not if it's you.

“Okay. Then, yeah.” They pull out a lighter from their pocket. “I’d really like that.”

Carmy cuts the overhead lights before taking out his own lighter to help them light the rest of the candles. One by one, the dark room gradually illuminates until it's filled with a warm, orange glow. The flickering flames cast shifting shadows onto their smiling face and reflect into their glossy eyes. 

“Ready?” He asks quietly. 

“I'm ready,” they whisper. 

Carmy doesn't really need to clear his throat, but he does so anyway. He can't recall the last time he sang happy birthday to anyone, let alone by himself. This is the first time he's ever sung in front of an audience, too. 

I can do this, he thinks to himself. I can do this.

His voice is awkward and scratchy. He never uses it like this, has never sang for anyone in his life. His ears burn, and he hates the sound of his voice, but he reminds himself to focus on their delighted little smile and warm gaze. The room is far too quiet for his voice, making the words painfully clear. 

“Happy birthday to you,” he finishes singing, voice trailing off awkwardly. He's more than ready to finish singing now. “Uh, make a wish…?”

“Right.” The two of them sit in the flickering candle light for a moment longer, the silence thick. Carmy watches their face, their eyes boring into the candles with an expression he can only describe as longing. Then, they blow out the candles with a decisive blow, and the room goes dark. 

He moves to switch on the lights. When he turns back to look at them, tears are streaming down their face. 

“Hey,” he says softly. He props his elbows on the counter, standing across from them and tilting his head to the side. They're not meeting his gaze, glazed eyes boring into the dripping candles. “What's wrong?”

“I'm sorry,” they whisper with a sniffle, and it sounds like a reflex. Something about them suddenly seems so much smaller. “I shouldn't be crying.”

“It's okay. I don't mind.” That makes them smile, even if it's shaky. “Was the singing too much?”

“No, it wasn't your singing,” they say with a laugh. “Your singing was lovely. It's just—I'm so happy. You made today so special.”

“Yeah?” He fights the urge to reach over and wipe their tears. “I'm glad. I wanted to make it good. I…” He hesitates. “...I didn't like the idea of you spending it alone.”

“I didn't either. And I thought I was going to have to be alone…but then you—then you took off work, and you made me breakfast, you went shopping with me—even got me clothes—and now this—” Another rush of tears gushes from their eyes, and they hastily wipe at it with their shirt. 

“You've done way more for me. This is the least I could do.” Before he can stop himself, his hand is brushing hair out of their eyes. They freeze for a split second, eyes finally flickering up towards him. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

“It's okay,” they whisper back. “Um…” They let out a shaky sigh, the sort of trembling sound that happens after crying too much. “I feel like I should explain.”

“You don't have to if you don't want to,” he assures them quickly, “but I…I'd like to know. If that's okay.”

“I want you to know. I, I do.” They open their mouth to keep talking, but shaky breaths continue to stifle them. It's hard to watch.

“Breathe,” he reminds them, quietly. He visibly takes in a deep breath, silently encouraging them to breathe with him. They follow suit, closing their eyes and taking a slow breath. Tears slip silently from their eyes. Gradually, their breathing becomes less of a staccato, evening out into something much more manageable. 

“Thank you,” they murmur. He nods. They already sound a lot calmer. “I'm not sure where to start. I…I suppose I'll start with today.” Another deep breath. “I didn’t get a call from my parents today.”

“Ah…” The first missing piece.

“I knew they weren’t going to. But a part of me still hoped…” They stop and shake their head. “It's the first year that it's been like this.”

“What happened?”

“Uh…I went no contact with my family about a year ago.” Another pained, hollow laugh. The second piece. “I didn't even really want to—it was a complicated, shitty situation. My parents were being their usual shitty selves, and I just wanted them to apologize. It was over such a small thing, and, and I just…I don't know. I thought maybe I could fix things.” He's never seen them with such a heavy expression, etched with such weariness. “I just wanted them to apologize to me, Carm. That's all I wanted. And then they cut me off cold.”

Their voice is trembling again, and the tears are falling faster. The collar of their shirt is dark with moisture. Carmy hates that he doesn't know what to say. He hates just staring at them, silent as he tries to find the words. 

Suddenly, he thinks of Michael. 

“Michael never let me work in the restaurant,” he tells them. “That's why I went to culinary school. A big part of it, anyway. He just cut me off, didn't let me in no matter what I did, and it was…” He makes a vague hand gesture. “I felt insane. I was so fucking angry. I couldn't understand him. And I'm not saying that's anything like what you've been through, but…” He looks into their watchful eyes. “I'm sorry. I think I'm trying to say that I, that I understand. A little.”

“I…I appreciate that.” They give him a small, wobbly smile. He adores their smile, but seeing it through their tears twists something painfully in his chest. “He would've been lucky to have you. You're an excellent chef.”

“I am now, anyway.” He sighs. “Your family's missing out on you, too. You're…” Say it. Just say it. “You're a really wonderful person. I can't imagine…”

I can't imagine anyone looking at you and not loving what they see, he thinks suddenly, and he instantly realizes he can't say it. He can barely even comprehend that he just thought it. 

He can't process this right now. This isn't the time. 

“I keep trying to wrap my head around it all, wondering what I did wrong, what I could've done better… Sometimes, the conclusion I arrive at is that I must have done something to deserve this. That I just, I don't know, that maybe I'm just this permanent fuck-up, and…” They run a tired hand over their wet face, through their hair. “My parents fucked me up real good, man.”

There's something familiar about their words, and Carmy realizes it's because it sounds like him. He would've never guessed that under their easy-going smiles was a reflection of himself. He recognizes himself in their self-deprecation, the bone-deep pain. There was always a sense of sympathetic connection between the two of them, but he had no idea. He had no idea how far deep the mutual experiences went. 

A part of him still can't believe that this is the truth, that this is what lies at their core, but then he remembers. He thinks about the night they were throwing up into the toilet. They were sobbing, crying into his shoulder about how much they hate themself. 

“You know you didn't deserve it. Right?” Carmy's not sure when they started leaning in so close to each other. He's looking at their wet eyelashes with startling clarity. “You did all you could.”

“You don't know that.” Their words are so soft-spoken, but it still catches him off guard. “You don't know what happened.”

“You—” Irritation prickles inside him, his instincts itching to snap back, but he doesn't. He sees himself in them, and he holds back. “You're right. I don't know what happened. But I know you.” The shock is on their face as clear as day. “At least, I think I do.”

“I want to think you do, too,” they whisper. “But this—this messy bullshit is also me. I wish it wasn't. I wish you didn't have to see all this. I…don't want you to…think any less of me.”

“I don't think there's anything you could do to make me think less of you.” He doesn't resist dragging his thumb across a stray tear on their cheek. To his surprise, they lean into his touch. “Y'know when I almost burned down the apartment?”

“Oh my god.” They smile, and he feels their grinning cheek against his palm. “Yeah. Is it crazy to say I remember it fondly?”

“A little bit.” They laugh. It's quiet, but it's real. “Remember that talk we had after?”

“I do. Why?”

“You're allowed to mess up on onions,” he says softly. “It won't push me away.”

They stare at him for what feels like a long time. Their eyes refill with tears, but they don't spill. With a clammy hand, they shakily place their hand on top of his hand that's still cradling their wet cheek.

“Fucking onions,” they say finally with a wet laugh. Fresh tears drip onto his thumb, and he wipes them away again. As many times as it takes. “God damnit, Carmy.”

“No one deserves to have shitty parents, let alone ones that walk out on them.” He thumbs away more tears. “You being an imperfect person like everyone else doesn't justify that.”

“There must be something more I could've done,” they whisper. “Something I did wrong.”

“Maybe. But they're your parents, not the other way around. It's not your fault.”

“I know. I know that. I do. There just has to be a reason, because—fuck—the truth would just be too fucked up.”

“...And that is?”

It takes a long, still minute before they can get their words out.

“...It’s—it's that—” Their cries are verging on sobs, increasingly more staggered and uncontrollable. “It's that s-some kids—are just—some kids have parents that will never—never love—”

They can't finish. Their sobs have overtaken their whole body. Their body's hunched over the counter, curled into themself. Carmy can't think of a time where he's ever seen them crying so hard.

Without another word, Carmy pulls them into a hug. 

They cry for a long time. Through it all, fleeting condolences pass Carmy by in his head, but they all feel too cheap, too meaningless. So all he does is hold them tight, letting them grab onto his shirt and soak the fabric on his shoulder. It's all he feels he can really do. 

After a while, the tide subsides. He feels them wilting in his arms, exhausted from sobbing so violently. He doesn't actually want to let them go, but their sniffling nose sounds like it's completely stopped up. 

“I'm gonna get you some tissues, ok?” He says quietly. They make a quiet noise of acknowledgement, and they pull back. He snatches up a box of tissues from the coffee table. He places it in front of them before grabbing them a glass of water. 

“Thank you,” they mumble, voice scratchy. Carmy stands and watches as they blow through several tissues. The water gets downed instantaneously. 

“Better?”

“Yeah. A lot better.”

“Good.”

“...I think, deep down, I know I didn't deserve what happened. Or just having shitty parents in general.” They sigh. “It's just easier to think that I do. That I deserve it.”

“...Yeah.” That resonates with a part of him he's not quite ready to acknowledge. “You're one of the kindest people I've ever met,” he admits quietly. “If someone like you deserves a shitty hand in life, I'm fucked.”

“Carmy…” Their smile is small, but genuine. “Thank you. I want to be able to genuinely believe that, one day. I'm going to try.”

“I know. I get it.”

“I know you do.” 

That makes both of them smile, even if it's bitter. 

“Thanks for telling me. About everything.”

“No, thank you for listening. For just being there for me.” They prop their chin in their hands, their elbows resting on the counter. “Y'know, this past year, I've been trying to find a sense of joy in all this mess. Sometimes it just feels so far away, like…like any happiness is just impossible. But I think I've found it. Rather, I've already found it.”

“Yeah?” Carmy looks at them expectantly, but he never expected this—

“I found you,” they tell him. 

“...” He immediately fixes his shocked expression. He's at a loss for words. 

Me?

“I never found a chance to mention it, but…my parents are the reason I decided to live with you. That's why I wanted to be your roommate, even though we were strangers.” They shrug shyly. “My lease was up on my last place. I was gonna go home, but then all that stuff happened at the last minute, and…yeah. I needed to find a place to live.”

“Seriously?” They just nod. “Damn. Uh…Yeah, that's fucking crazy. I had no idea.”

“At the time, I was miserable. I kept thinking to myself, ‘I can't believe how shitty this situation is!’ Don't get me wrong, it was fucking awful, but…it led me to you, so…it wasn't really all that bad, in the end. I got lucky.”

Fucking hell, he thinks to himself. Fuck.

“If you hadn't roomed with me, I wouldn't have been able to come back home for my brother's restaurant,” he says, mostly because he's so embarrassed that he swears his whole body's red at this point. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. “I think I'm the lucky one.”

“Can't we both be lucky?”

“I guess we can. Just doesn't seem very realistic.”

“Little too late to say that. It's already real.”

“...There's no other shoe?”

“Not that I know of. I think the other shoe's already dropped for us a while ago. Surely there's no other shoes left?”

“I hope not. I don't know if I could take another one.”

“Me neither.”

“...”

“...”

“Do you…want to eat your cake now?”

“Fuck, oh my god—I completely forgot! Yes!”

Just as Carmy planned, the flavors go perfectly together. Even though he knew it was going to be delicious, when he takes the first bite of the cake, relief washes over him. They seem to be overjoyed, inhaling the cake at dangerous speeds. 

“You're gonna hurt yourself if you eat that fast,” he observes, both amused and concerned. 

“Can't talk. Need to eat this.” That makes him laugh so abruptly he nearly gets cake up his nose. “This is the best birthday cake I've ever had, both visually and taste-wise.”

“I'm glad. Like I said, I'm not really a baker, but…I make an alright cake.”

“You make a fantastic cake.” They’ve got a bit of frosting on the corner of their mouth. “It doesn't get much better than this—eating a cake made by you.”

“Because I'm a chef, you mean?”

“No, not that. Not just that, anyway,” they amend with a cheeky grin. “Because you're my best friend.”

You're my best friend.

…

I'm their best friend, he repeats to himself. I'm their best friend.

He thinks about crying. He won't cry, but he thinks about it.

“Oh,” he replies intelligently. “...Really?”

“Y-Yeah. Unless, uh, you don't—”

“You're my best friend too,” he blurts out, and the anxiety on their face fades away into a relieved, beautiful smile. 

“Thank god. That would've been pretty awkward if you didn't…” They shake their head. 

“I've never been anyone's best friend before,” he confesses. 

“Seriously?” They recover from the shock quickly. “Lucky me, then.”

“I thought you established we were both the lucky ones.” 

“Oh, right.” They chuckle. “Lucky both of us, then.”

Carmy thought that life would always be the same. He thought that he was fated to a routine of nausea and nightmares, never quite close enough to reach a rest point. He thought that he was okay with it being his fate, because he never knew anything else. 

He thought that loneliness, cigarettes, and memories would be enough, because it always stays the same. Nothing ever changes. 

Until them. 

He thought he had outgrown happiness, that his body had grown accustomed to living without it. That there was no longer space in his heart to withstand the weight of joy. But as he sits here with his roommate, chatting and laughing over a cake he made for them, he finds that's not true.

His capacity for happiness had never left. It had been there all along. 

And with that, something in him lets go.

Carmy sees it all at once. It starts from the beginning—he sees the first day he met them, an initially hesitant meeting gone surprisingly well. He sees the first time the two of them smoked together, deliriously laughing through shared smoke. He sees them in the mornings, messy hair and wrinkled t-shirts. He sees them in nothing but an apron. He sees them in tight black clothes that leave little to the imagination. He sees them laughing at a joke that he didn’t think was all that funny. 

He sees them in his dreams, red tomato puree bleeding from their gums. He sees them holding his trembling hands in theirs, soothing him back down from the storm in his hand. He sees them comforting him through his tears. He sees them sobbing, hot tears on their cheek and his hand. He sees them heaving into the toilet, whispering that they want to know him. He sees himself, embracing them tightly in his arms. 

He sees it all. He knows that he can't avoid it anymore. 

Carmy is completely, undeniably in love with them, and there is absolutely nothing that he can do to make that realization disappear.

…Some things, he understands, refuse to stay the same.

~

@zorrasucia @carmenberzattosgf @carmenbrzatto @thehouseofevangelista

[entertext]

HGSN 26-1

Chapter (Japanese)

(Please hit the green thumbs up at the end of the chapter to show support)

Rough translation by me

(+ last week's twitter comic also)

P1

Rie: Anyway, for now, you should go on home today...

P2

Hikaru: Thanks...for the raincoat...

Rie: Take care

(sfx: door closes)

Rie: (At 'Hikaru'-kun's home right now..., he has a family that doesn't know anything. They're surely waiting for him to come home for dinner today too.)

P3

Rie: (When I think about Tsujinaka-kun and 'Hikaru'-kun's family...)

Rie: (There's just no way I can...)

(sfx: ding-dong)

Rie: (Is my daughter back?)

Rie: Alley-oop

(sfx: door opens)

Rie: Yes?

Rie: ...!!

Rie: ...You're...

P4

(sfx: cicadas)

P5

(sfx: squeak squeak)

Hikaru: Hey, is it really okay to get that as a "swim ring"? It's not exactly a "ring".

(sfx: squeak)

Yoshiki: Kaoru did say to get "the cutest one"

Hikaru: I'm glad that Kaoru's been going to school a bit more these days and made a friend she can go to the pool with.

Yoshiki: But why do I have to go all the way to Mion to buy a swim ring for her?

Yoshiki: Carrying this around is such a pain

Hikaru: It's 'cause you bought something that was already inflated

Hikaru: You could have just deflated it and folded it up.

P6

Yoshiki: I'd feel kinda bad for it

Yoshiki: The poor giant salamander...

Hikaru: Pftt. You're attached to it

Yoshiki: ...so, after that, I found out some stuff

Yoshiki: The "sin of the Indou family" was actually...

(sfx: cicadas)

Yoshiki: ...'Hikaru'

Yoshiki: do you not have memories from your time as "Nounuki-sama"?

P7

Hikaru: I have them...at least I should

Hikaru: It's like, for some reason, I've forgotten them for a long time and have recently started to recall them...

(sfx: squeak)

Hikaru: Especially the stuff about "granting wishes"...

Hikaru: I'm not sure why, but for some reason I think it's true.

Hikaru: I can grant any wish you ask for...I have that feeling anyway.

(sfx: squeak)

(Hikaru: ...and I'll do whatever you ask me to do...)

Yoshiki: ...you have such a big mouth, haha...

Yoshiki: Any wish, for real?

P8

Hikaru: Yeah

Hikaru: Go ahead

Yoshiki: (This "wish"...if it really did get granted...)

Yoshiki: (I feel like it'd be bad news)

Yoshiki: No. It's fine.

(sfx: squeak squeak)

Hikaru: ....

Yoshiki: *sigh*...Even though we know about Nounuki-sama now, we still don't know anything about the most important part, doing something about the impurities...

P9

Yoshiki: (And what was that sketch, too...)

Yoshiki: (It's just one inexplicable thing showing up after another)

Yoshiki: *mutter mutter*

Hikaru: Heeey

(sfx: cicadas)

Hikaru: Ah!

P10

Hikaru: It's Mincemeat!

Mincemeat: ....

Hikaru: Yoshiki, look at this!

Hikaru: He's dancing

Yoshiki: He's gotten pretty used to you

Yoshiki: Figures, he still hates you

P11

Hikaru: That guy... he was just after a cat treat, huh?

Hikaru: He's surprisingly strong

Yoshiki: Hahaha

Hikaru: Hey

Hikaru: There's no point in thinking about stuff in a place like this

(sfx: cicadas)

Hikaru: It's summer break right?

Hikaru: You wanna go to the beach today?

Hikaru: I'd like to see the ocean at least once

Twitter Extra (link):

==

Next chapter: in 1 week

==

Yoshiki (13yo): Look, Kaoru, here's a souvenir for you. It's a beetle larva plushie.

Yoshiki: You said you wanted something cute right?

Kaoru (9yo): I didn't want that....

Yoshiki: Huh?

==

Things that are a little annoying about Yoshiki

Last week's twitter comic (link):

Maki: He can kinda look down on people.

Also the fact that he's taller than me makes me mad!

Yoshiki: Are you stupid?

Maki: Hah? What?!

Asako: He never tells me about the important part. Too secretive?

Asako: Huh!? You're hurt, what happened?

Yoshiki: Nothing...

(He took a big fall)

Yuuki: That even though what he thinks quickly shows on his face, he won't say anything. I'm the one who ends up having to guess.

Yoshiki: 's really good

The first time I gave him something sweet

Even though he obviously didn't like sweets, he didn't say anything about it. (The next time I gave him something that wasn't sweet, and he enjoyed it)

'Hikaru': He's always nagging, such a busybody. He's quick to start brooding and worry himself sick. And he's kinda needy. Also he's like argumentative? He watches videos about beating other people in debates. Also sometimes he grows beard hair.

Yoshiki: Hey! Wash your hands!

Maki: Well you told me to talk about it!

Asako: Sorry!

'Hikaru': (LMAO)

Yoshiki: Beard hair...

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 50:

All along there was some Invisible String tying you to me

Masterlist - Previous - Next

Charles POV:

I listened to Lizzie talking about her latest meeting with Susie, how they defined her role in the F1 Academy, what her tasks were from now on and I couldn't be more proud of her. She was passionate, dedicated, willing to put her heart and soul into the Academy.

"… for now Susie thinks what the girls need is some kind of mentor, someone who has been in their shoes and she said that I would be the perfect person for that. I would check in on the girls, make sure they're in the right head space, offer advice. But Susie thinks on race weekends we should establish kind of a workshop day? Debrief the latest race, show some deficits, maybe figure out ways too improve certain aspects!" her voice was filled with positivity and optimism, her eyes shining like never before.

"That sounds amazing cara mia. I think the girls are really lucky to have a mentor like you by their side." I replied and she nodded, a big smile adorning her beautiful face.

"How's it going in Maranello? How's Lewis settling in?" she asked, disappearing out of the picture for a moment.

"It's going great, I think our car development made a big step forwards compared to last season… and with Lewis' input? God he's so experienced! He knows things about the car, even some of the junior engineers didn't know! I honestly think with Lewis we can not just win the driver's championship, but also the constructors this season!"

"I'm so happy for you, Charles. I always said, getting rid of Seb back in 2021 was the biggest mistake Ferrari made. He could've helped develop the car, help you to get a new understanding and knowledge of it. Mattia really messed up a lot of things for you..." she mumbled, still out of frame.

"What are you doing?" I asked and her head plopped up from above.

"Wedding stuff..." she wiggled her eyebrows and I smiled.

"Are you... are you wearing your dress? Wait? You've picked out a dress already? How? When?" I rambled and she laughed. but then returned to her seat, still wearing my sweater and held up our invitations "Cara mia... I thought we already sent those out weeks ago?" I pointed to the invitations in her hands.

"That were the save the date cards." Lizzie rolled her eyes.

"What the hell are save the date cards?"

"When you don't have all the details planned out like location and time frame, but want people to save the date... that way you're not under pressure with these important details but know that all the people you want to attend already sa-..."

" ...saved the date, got it. And now we have all the details?"

"I though so? You liked the venue? Or not? Charles it's perfect, but if you don't like it, then I'll call Celiné..." she began but I shook my head.

"Relax, cara mia! I love the venue! It really is perfect, and I can't wait to get married there! Sorry!" I said, smiling at her sheepishly "Did you go over the guest list?"

"Yup... it's a lot of people..." she sighed, and I leaned back.

"It's our families and friends, also the most important people from our teams, some of the drivers, the ones we're close with... so... yeah. How many guest as of now?"

"107... or wait... 110..." she wrote something down and I cocked an eyebrow "I want to invite Susie as well! She was really helpful over the past years and now that I work with her? And when I invite her, we have to invite Toto and Jack as well... I hope that's okay?"

"Of course! Its already more guest from me... so please, go ahead and make it equal.." I chuckled but she shook her head.

"No... that's already way more guests then intended..." her eyes glimmering mischievous.

"You hope that a lot of people will politely respond with a I'm sorry, we can't make it..." I smirked and she nodded slightly.

"Am I a bad person? It's just... god, that's so many people!" she said sheepishly and I laughed.

"It's okay, really... I know it's a lot of people, but it will be fine, okay?"

"Okay..." she huffed out, her phone being smacked down

"Arlo! Stop! I know you heard his voice but stop..." Lizzie propped up the phone again and Arlo was mostly covering her up "He wanted to say hi..."

"Hey baby boy... I miss you so much!" I cooed and he tilted his head, barking quietly "I'll be back on Friday, I promise!" he whined a little, licked the phone and then strut off, Lizzie only shaking her head.

"You'll be back by Friday?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Yep. Tomorrow's the car launch, on Wednesday we have a virtual fan meet and greet and on Thursday I'll be in the simulator the whole day... I wouldn't miss Valentine's Day!"

"What?" her eyes got wide, and she swallowed hard.

"Valentines Day cara mia... Friday..." I tilted my head a little and she smiled nervously "Did you forget?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Because if so, that would be fine, you're planning our wedding, work with Susie, take care of Arlo... it's a lot!"

"Hmm... okay..." she whispered, looking to the left.

"Lizzie? It's no big deal, okay? Really!" I tried to reassure her, and she nodded slowly.

"Okay... you have to go now, Charlie. You said you only have a couple of minutes... we're almost talking for an hour now..

"I can't help it, time flies when I talk with the love of my life..." I chuckled and Lizzie blushed a little "I'll call you tonight, pretty girl, I love you."

"I love you more..." she replied and hung up.

I sent her a quick text, stating that I, in fact, loved her more when Lewis walked in.

"Look at you, smiling from ear to ear... tell Lizzie I say hi..." he said and sat down on the other side of the table.

"Will do... but she won't reply, so she'll say hi back later." I pocketed my phone and he looked up from his.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked and I laughed.

"No, the opposite actually... we have a little dispute about something, to be continued.

"Toto told me that Susie is really excited having Lizzie work with her." he said and I had to smile.

"You should've heard Lizzie. She's going to pour her heart and soul into the F1 Academy."

"The girls really are lucky, they will learn so much from Lizzie..."

"They will.." I replied right when Silvia walked in with the rest of the media and PR team.

"Gentlemen, ready?" she clapped once and sat down "Let's go over the schedules for the next two days..." I couldn't wait to go back home.

I unlocked the door quietly, closing it carefully and slipped off my shoes. The penthouse was quiet, no sound, nothing. I showered quickly in one of the guest bedroom’s ensuites, slipped on some clean sweat pants and a shirt before I quietly opened up our bedroom door. Arlo lifted his head immediately, wagging his tail when he saw me, jumping off of the bed’s end.

"Hey big boy." I kneeled down, engulfing him in a hug, stroking his sides "Shhh… we don’t want to wake up Lizzie, no?" I whispered and got up, slipping into the bed behind Lizzie, Arlo looking at me "Get in… we definitely have to talk about how you always sleep in my bed when I’m gone. That’s my bed." I chuckled and he made himself comfortable at the foot of the bed.

Lizzie began to stir, turning around, facing me.

"Charles?" she whispered, eyes still closed "What time is it?"

"Way too early to be awake…" I yawned and she scooted over closer, snuggling into my chest.

"I missed you…"

"I missed you too, but at least you had someone sharing the bed with you… I was alone…"

"You want to share the bed with someone else?" she pouted and I had to chuckle, pecking her lips.

"Only with the most beautiful girl in the world… and our fur baby… who has a super comfy bed and still sleeps in ours…"

"Just when you’re gone… I don’t like… sleeping alone…" her voice sleepy.

"I’m here now, cara mia, let’ sleep for a little or not so little while…" I kissed her forehead and she already fell asleep "I love you more."

I closed my eyes and pulled Lizzie closer, feeling her hot breath against my neck.

"No. I love you more." she mumbled against my chest and I chuckled to myself.

Even asleep she was the most stubborn girl ever. Arlo cuddled up against our feet and I fell asleep almost immediately.

I watched Lizzie dance around the kitchen, a soft smile on her lips, headphones on, singing along to Taylor Swift as usual. Her voice as beautiful as ever. After a couple of minutes Arlo trotted into the kitchen, brushing her legs and made her flinch.

"Fucking hell, you scared me…" she put her hand on her chest, turning around "How long have you been back?"

"10 minutes maybe?" I walked in, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her in "I enjoyed the show."

"What show? Me ruining Taylor’s songs?" Lizzie chuckled, looking away but I gently grabbed her chin, looking at her.

"How often do I have to tell you that you have a beautiful voice?"

"Until it’s the truth?"

"I would never lie to you, cara mia." I said pointedly and she rolled her eyes "Hey!"

"Okay, okay…" she pecked my lips and then pulled away, bending down booping Arlos nose "Are you hungry my big boy?"

"Yeah, I could eat…" I replied, knowing full well that she didn’t talk to me "I get his food."

"Alright. I’ll finish the cake. Shima is coming tomorrow so I thought I’ll make a cake."

"So Shima gets a cake? And what do I get?" I pouted a little.

"Umm-… I thought we could order from Antonio’s? I called if they have a table for us but they’re fully booked! I’m sorry… I- I did forget that today’s Valentine’s Day and so I didn’t make any reservations and when you reminded me it was already too late…" Lizzie rambled and I sat down Arlo’s bowl and then cupped her cheeks.

"It’s okay! I told you already that it’s fine! You have so much going on right now! And hey, I don’t mind staying in tonight. Ordering food. Watching a movie. Just you and me."

"And Arlo." she whispered and I laughed.

"And Arlo." I kissed her forehead and hugged her "I’d say I take a shower, you order something and then we’ll have a quiet Valentine’s Day."

"Okay…"

I pulled away and left to take sad shower, putting on some sweatpants and a t-shirt, walking back into the now empty kitchen.

"Cara mia?" I called after her but got no answer "Lizzie are you upstairs?" I walked up the stairs and stopped abruptly when I stepped into the living room.

Hundreds of candles were lit up, the sofas pushed together. The created space littered with plush pillows and cozy blankets. The table on the side full of my favourite food, pasta, pizza, Calabrese salad, Lizzie’s red velvet cupcakes. Bowls of chips, crackers and popcorn. Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone ready to be watched on the big screen.

"Wha-…"

"Happy Valentine’s Day." Lizzie stepped around the corner, wearing a gorgeous black nightgown, hugging her curves perfectly.

"Cara mia…" I whispered and pulled her into me "Wow… this… you… wow…"

"You like it?" she smiled shyly and I kissed her, pulling her even closer "I guess that’s a yes then?"

"I love it. I love you. This is-… it’s perfect, Lizzie. Just like you." I kissed her again and when I pulled away her cheeks were red.

"Come on, before the food gets cold…" she said and nodded towards the food.

"Did you plan this all along?"

"Honestly? No. I did forget that today was Valentine’s Day… but then I had a couple of days to think about something… and that’s what I came up with." she loaded our plates with the food.

"You’re amazing. This makes my gift look like nothing…" I sighed a little but she just laughed and climbed onto the sofa, getting comfortable.

"Oh this is just the beginning." she wiggled her eyebrows and I looked at her.

"Oh?"

"Mhh…" she moved a little closer, kissing my cheek "I wear something red underneath…"

"Yeah?" I swallowed hard and looked at her, her mischievous smile more than enticing.

"Ferrari red…"

"No alcohol? Like nothing? Not even a glass of champagne?" Shima looked at me and I shook my head "It's your birthday!"

"It's not good for the skin! I've read so many articles about how it helps to smoothen out the skin and make it look fresher."

"Your skin is as smooth as a baby's butt!" she rolled her eyes but then snapped her head around looking at me with wide eyes "Are you pregnant?"

"What? No! Shima, you gave me a ton of bridal magazines to read and in every second one is an article about brides that didn't drink alcohol for a year before their big day! I’m marrying in 3 months!" I said and she held up her hands.

"Okay! Sorry... jeez.." he rolled her eyes "How are your mum and Pascale holding up? Not being involved in the planning?"

"Honestly? They're totally okay with it... at first, they were a little... sad? But they're okay with it now. And Celiné is doing an amazing job. You should see the locations she had for us! The one we chose! Amazing, seriously." I beamed.

"Yeah, she did an amazing job with the designer of your dress as well. Monique Lhuillier was the perfect choice for you, and I think when the dress is ready with all the details it will look stunning. I mean just the blank canvas looked amazing on you! Your mum, Pascale, Sissy, they all cried..."

"You did too!" I pushed her a little and she laughed.

"No, that was my allergies..."

"Sure, if you say so..." I chuckled when Daniel sat down next to us.

"Ladies..." he winked at us and held up his glass "Cheers to our birthday girl, soon to be Mrs Leclerc..." he wiggled his eyebrows, and I shook my head, laughing.

"Mrs. Doetterer-Leclerc please.." I said and grabbed my glass, holding it up as well.

"Is that water? We can't toast with water? Why are you drinking water? It's your birthday!" he made big eyes "Oh my god, you're pregnant!"

"She's not, she just wants her skin to be fresh and smooth for the wedding..." Shima explained, rolling her eyes.

"And not drinking alcohol helps with that?" Daniel looked at me confused.

"Yeah, alcohol is not really the best for your skin, I mean it's not really the best for your whole body.." I sighed and he nodded.

"Well okay then... how's the wedding planning going? Charles said you’re doing an amazing job with Celeste?"

"Celiné. And yeah, she makes it so much easier for me… you know with the F1 Academy and all, it’s a little hectic but she’s really amazing at what she’s doing." I took a sip of my water, looking around the room.

"The F1 Academy will race in Australia as well?" Daniel asked and I nodded.

"Yup. Susie did an amazing job with this year’s schedule! 10 races! That’s 3 more than last season!" I replied excitedly.

"So you’ll be at all the weekends with F1 Academy races and then some more?"

"I don’t know yet. Of course there will be more to do than just attend the race weekends! I just need to talk to Susie what she expects from me and what else I can do besides the tasks we already discussed…"

"You’ll figure it out, I have no doubts!" Charles said, sitting down next to me.

"How are you doing? Starting your first season as a Formula 1 world champion?" Daniel looked at him and he shrugged his shoulders a little.

"It feels like it’s less pressure than before on the one hand, because now I already won a championship, it’s out of the way finally. But on the other hand? It’s more pressure because everyone expects me to win again straight away because well now I’m a world champion… does that make sense?" he looked at me and I nodded.

"Of course it makes sense!" I reassure him and he smiled "But don’t worry, you’ll be just great."

"Yeah I guess we’ll see…"

"How is it working with Lewis?"

"He’s incredible. He reminds me a lot of Seb, the way he approaches things, how he asks questions, wants to now every single detail…" Charles smiled.

"You think you can win the constructors as well this year?" Daniel asked and Charles shrugged his shoulders.

"Let’s see first how Australia turns out…"

"Didn’t I say, don’t worry? I saw the tests, I know you’ll do just great, so please believe me!"

"Okay, okay. It’ll be a good weekend for us."

"Lizzie? Hey, how was it?" Susie walked in, smiling at me.

"It was amazing. The girls are just great, and so eager to learn! I think I’ve never had to answer this many questions!" I closed my notebook.

"Yeah, it’s not every day they can learn from a Formula 1 Grand Prix winner, you know?"

"We should change that. We should get the teams more involved. Maybe some Q&A’s with some of the drivers…" I suggested, checking the time.

"Sounds like a good idea, we should definitely think about it, but for now, go." she chuckled and I looked at her "You checked your watch at least 5 times in the last 2 minutes… the race is about to start… go…"

"Thanks Susie!" I got up, packing my bag and sprinting towards the Ferrari garage.

"There you are! I thought you wouldn’t come!" Andrea said and I tried to catch my breath "He’s a little nervous, you know…"

"Why?" I looked around, searching for Charles.

"He said after Friday wasn’t the best and he only got P2… you know him…"

"Yeah…" I sighed, spotting Charles in the corner, reading in his notebook, as if he could feel my eyes on him he looked up, an anxious smile on his lips.

"Hey you…" he whispered as soon as I was close enough for him to pull me into a hug.

"Hey yourself… what’s going on. Why so anxious?" I rubbed his back, feeling his muscles relax under my touch.

"I don’t know. Friday didn’t start out the way we wanted to, yesterday wasn’t much better, I only had one good lap… Max is in front and the RedBull is a rocket ship again…"

"Yeah and the Ferrari isn’t too bad either… come on! You can do this!" I kissed his cheek "And if you win, there’s a special prize waiting for you in the hotel…"

"Oh yeah? But what if I don’t win?" he looked at me and I winked.

"Then there’s a consolation prize waiting for you…"

"Damn, so either way I’m a winner at the end of the night?" he chuckled "Thanks… for cheering me up."

"That’s my job as WAG, no? Although… what am I now? I’m not yet a wife, but also no girlfriend anymore? They need to change the abbreviation! It’s WAFAG from now on… justice for all the fiancées out there!"

He pulled me in, pressing his lips onto mine and I melted into him.

"Just another reason why I love you so much…" Charles whispered against my lips and I looked at him confused "You always know how to cheer me up…"

"I’ve learned from the best." I replied, ruffling his hair a little "And now go. You have a race to win."

"I’ll try my best." one last kiss and he was gone, off to win the race in the last corner, overtaking Max in a breathtaking move.

I cheered for him from underneath the podium, Andrea next to me.

"Whatever you said to him, it worked, maybe you’re his lucky charm this season? You should stay close…" he laughed and I smiled.

"Maybe I should… or at least try to…"

"Charlie!" Liam jumped up from the sofa, Arlo on his heels, both running towards him. His face lit up immediately and I paused the movie, watching how he engulfed first Liam and then Arlo in a big hug.

"Are you watching Ice Age with us?" Liam asked and Charles smiled, ruffling his hair.

"Let me take a quick shower and then I'll join, okay?"

"Okay." Liam trotted back to the sofa, Arlo following him, and both made themselves comfortable.

"I'll make some fresh popcorn, okay?" I got up and walked downstairs "I don't get a hug?" I hugged Charles from behind, as he stood at the kitchen island, drinking a glass of water.

"I'm sorry, cara mia..." he sighed and turned around pulling me close "Hi, pretty girl." he kissed the side of my head and I melted into his touch.

"How are you?" I played with his hair at the nape of his neck, and felt him tense up a little.

"I threw away such a good weekend." he mumbled, his warm breath tickling my shoulder "I wanted to extend the lead to Max...

"You weren't the only one with track limits, come on! Almost everyone got them... even Max."

"Yeah, but I screwed up in the last lap! I would've won if I just took that last corner dif-... no, you know what? It's like that. I can't change it now..." Charles pulled away and cupped my cheeks "I'm home now, and I want to enjoy my time here..."

"Are you sure? You know you can vent if you need to?" I looked at him and he nodded.

"I'm sure. It was my own fault, I'll have to do better in Miami.

For now, I can't change it. But I have one week now to enjoy with you, our family and also see what you've planned already..." he kissed my forehead and I smiled at him.

"Alright, I'm making popcorn, you'll take a shower and later on we're having pizza, how does that sound?"

"Like music to my ears..." he chuckled, but then pulled me back by my wrist "Wait... are you okay? You said you didn't feel that good for a couple of days?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. It was just a little cold with a stomach bug. Nothing too bad. Also nothing a good soup and some hot tea didn't cure..." I replied and he nodded.

"Hmm... I'm sorry that I wasn't here..."

"Okay, stop now. You have a job and I can take care of myself." I looked at him pointedly.

"You're good now?" he asked and I smiled, nodding.

"Just a tiny bit tired and exhausted, nothing bad at all..." I reassured him "Now go take that shower, I make some snacks."

I prepared the popcorn, cut some fruits and vegetables and walked back upstairs where Charles already sat on the sofa, Liam and Arlo next to him. All 3 watching the screen with big eyes.

"Hey! Did you continue without me?" I pouted and Liam giggled.

"It was Charlie... he saw the dinosaur and wanted to watch!" he said, and Charles looked at him.

"Did you just rat me out?" he began tickling him, Arlo jumping happily between them "No! Help me Arlo! Not him!" I laughed and put down the trey with our snacks, sitting down next to Charles.

"Sorry, cara mia... but dinosaurs!" he said, and I kissed his cheek.

"It's okay, I didn't expect anything else from my 3 little boys."

"Hey!" Charles and Liam said and looked at me.

"Who are you calling little?"

"Who are you calling a boy?"

I chuckled and leaned back, snuggling into Charles continuing to watch the movie. When the credits rolled, he looked at me, an adorably confused look on his face.

"What?" I asked and he scratched his chin, looking at me.

"What was the whole peaches thing?"

"What do you mean?"

"When the girl mammoth was having the baby, or rather felt like she's going to have the baby, she said peaches. And then Manny knew that she was having the baby? Like... how? Is that a code for having a baby?" he tilted his head, and I threw my head back laughing "Stop laughing at me!" he pinched my side and I had to wipe away some tears.

"You think peaches is a code for when women are pregnant?"

"I don't know? Could be?"

"No, Charles, they talked about a codeword for Ellie, the girl mammoth, that when she feels that the baby is coming, she just would have to say peaches and then Manny would know in an instant what's happening." I explained.

"Ahhh yeah, okay, makes sense." Charles laughed "But it would be kinda cute, you know?... when someone is pregnant, and they would just say peaches, and everyone would know in an instant what's going on."

"That would be cute indeed." I agreed "Now I really want to have some peaches..." I laughed, grabbing some slices from the plate " ... all that talking about peaches!"

"All the peaches in the world for my pretty girl." Charles kissed me and Arlo jumped at him, pushing him away from me "Hey! Not this again, that's my fiancée! I was here first."

"Doesn't look like he cares about that." I shrugged my shoulders and Liam laughed.

"Go Arlo!" he cheered and helped him, tickling Charles.

"I surrender! You won!" he pressed out, breathing ragged and after another 30 seconds of torture Arlo and Liam stopped, letting him breathe.

"You deserve some treats, come on!" Liam got up and Arlo followed him downstairs, leaving a heavy breathing Charles and me behind.

"That was harder than the race..." he heaved, and I laughed "I swear!"

"Okay, big boy, if you say so..." I rolled my eyes and he laughed, before he pulled me into his lap "What are you doing?"

"As long as I have you all to myself..." he whispered, sealing our lips shut.

"Charles... they could come back any moment..." I breathed out, when his hand slipped under my shirt, goosebumps erupting all over my skin.

"I know..." he said, and I groaned.

"Then stop it!"

"You really want me too?"

But before I could reply we heard Liam and Arlo coming back up the stairs and Charles pushed me off of him, sighing.

"When are we having pizza?" Liam asked, oblivious to what he almost walked into.

"Yeah, cara mia, when are we having pizza?" Charles wiggled his eyebrows.

"I'm good with my peaches." I quipped and they both started to protest "Just kidding... come on boys, let’s make some pizza."

I packed my bag, watching Charles happily talking away with some of the girls, sharing his own experiences of the upcoming track.

"I spun out twice in 2023, and last year... well, lets say, I saw a lot of the 'you can't park there mate' memes with my car in the middle of the track." he chuckled, but I saw a muscle tick on his jaw, knowing that last years free practice was still a litle sore spot.

"But you still managed a podium." Maya Weug, one of the girls from the FDA, said and he nodded.

"Yeah, but it was a tough race, the track didn't really suit our car last season." he replied.

"And this year? Do you think it's better?" Bianca Bustamante from the McLaren drivers academy asked.

"I'd say we'll see tomorrow." Charles smiled at me when I looked up "Ready?"

"Yup. See you tomorrow girls." I waved at the group of drivers who stayed behind and they smiled, waving back.

"Bye Lizzie."

"See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

Charles took my hand in his, pulling me to his side.

"You’re amazing." he said and I turned my head a little.

"What do you mean?"

"The way the girls look up to you? How you encourage them? Give them advices? You’re doing an amazing job…"

I smiled, hiding my face in his shoulder and he chuckled.

"You were also great… they girls really enjoyed talking to you, I mean obviously. A Formula 1 world champion giving them some advice? Telling them about his insecurities about the upcoming track? They loved you." I said and he opened the car door for me "Thanks for coming today, really. It meant a lot for me… but also the girls."

"You know I would do everything for you!" he smiled and pecked my lips before I got inside.

"Yeah? Well… can we stop at a Chipotle’s then?" I put on my sweetest smile and he laughed.

"Chipotle’s? Really?"

"Yeah I want a burrito and a quesadilla… oh and some taco’s! Chips and dips! Gosh I’m starving? I could eat their whole menu to be honest…" I said when my stomach began to grumble a little.

"A burrito, a quesadilla some tacos and chips and dips? Someone’s hungry…" he searched for the nearest Chipotle’s and I blushed a little.

"I don’t know… in the last weeks my stomach was going crazy. I was hungry at times and could eat so much the one minute just to feel almost nauseous the next, probably because I ate too much before but yeah… maybe all of that is too much…"

"Let’s order it all and we’ll share it?" Charles suggested and I nodded, looking outside "Hey? Lizzie? What’s going on?" he squeezed my thigh and I sighed.

"It’s ridiculous, really." I mumbled but he grabbed my hand gently, pulling me a little closer.

"I’m sure it’s not… just tell me, please…" he said quietly, his thumb tracing soft circles on the back of my hand.

"The last weeks... I didn't really take care of what I ate. Like I just ate whatever I wanted to eat, or sometimes just snacked away... and- I gained some weight, and my mind was like it doesn't matter, I don't have to fit into a car anymore, I can eat what I want... but I always felt so bad because I'm kinda used to follow a strict diet? And it's somehow still ingrained in my head... I even cried because I felt like I gained too much weight?" I rambled and Charles sighed, parking the car at the side of the road, turning to look at me, cupping my cheeks.

"I want you to listen to me, okay? You eat what you want to eat. End of the story. I know you, you don't eat unhealthy stuff all the time, I mean, I've seen you eat and honestly, wouldn't you have said something, I wouldn't even notice that you're eating more? And Whatever weight you've gained? It's not visible in the slightest. You're still as beautiful and sexy and hot and stunning and gorgeous and amazing as ever. Just that there is a new glimmer in your eyes, but that's making you even more beautiful. So, you and I, we're going now to Chipotle's. We'll get you a burrito, a quesadilla, some tacos and chips and dips. And if that means that you gain a little something? So be it. Who gives a shit, because certainly I don't. I'd rather see you eat and be happy then... we know what an unhealthy relationship you once had with your body and food... so no, we don't go back there." he was so sincere that I felt myself tear up, looking down.

"And now I'm crying because of food! Again! God these last few weeks were really taken their toll on me. Between planning our wedding, the F1 Academy, trying to support you, helping Sissy getting their new appartement ready before the baby comes... my head's a mess..." I hickuped and Charles kissed the tip of my nose.

"I'm sorry for not helping you enough with the wedding... I promise after this weekend, as soon as we're at home I'm all yours. Let's make all the final decisions we've been postponing for weeks now. Let's finalise it all. I'll get the boys together and we're going to the tailor, so suits, done. I'll help Daniel assemble all the stuff for the little one, done. It'll be fine, okay?" he whispered, and his smile made warmth spread through my body, leaving a tingly feeling in its wake.

"Can't it be June already?" | sighed and he chuckled.

"I feel you... god I can't wait to see you walk down the aisle... I just know that you’ll be the most beautiful bride ever…"

"You’ll love the dress… Monique is a genius." I leaned back in the seat and Charles checked the mirror, steering the car back on the road."

"You could wear a paper bag and would look gorgeous." he chuckled and I rolled my eyes "But I know that whatever you’ve chosen, it’ll be perfect."

"It is, you’ll see…" I looked out the window, spotting our destination, a happy smile on my lips.

"And now let’s get some Chipotle for my pretty and hungry girl…"

I watched Abby lifting her trophy into the sky, clapping for her when Susie joined me.

"She's amazing. Last season she already was one of the best, but this season? She improves from race to race..." I said, turning a little, to see Abby taking a winner selfie with the little crowd behind her.

"That's because of you... you help these girls a lot and that so many people are here right now, celebrating them? That's also because of you. You're doing an amazing job, Lizzie, you can be proud of yourself... I am. Really. As someone who watched your career from the early days in karting... and before you say now something... save it." she chuckled.

"I didn't even want to say something!" I held up my hands.

"Yeah, yeah, sure..."

"Susie, Lizzie!" we turned around, and the Sky UK crew waved at us "Can we have a few minutes?" Natalie Pinkham smiled.

"Sure!" Susie looked at me and I nodded.

"Fantastic. F1 Academy, round 3 of 10. With Charles visiting the girls on Thursday we have the current world champion showing his support, the crowds that are cheering for the girls are getting bigger and bigger, what do you think is making the F1 Academy so appealing at the moment?" Natalie asked.

"Not what, but who. Since Lizzie joined us actively the interest in the F1 Academy grew immensely, everyone wants to know what a young, brilliant and talented driver, who was forced to retire unfortunately way too early, is up to. She generated a whole new following for the Academy, she's always there for the girls, they can ask her anything they want, they benefit so much from Lizzie's experience... and she brings the big names to the girls." Susie's excitement was contagious.

"I think we can all agree that we were really saddened by your unfortunate retirement. But as it seems, you've found just the right spot where you fit right in?"

"Retiring wasn't easy, and I was scared what I would do without racing, but working alongside Susie, being up close to her, see her work her magic, make the F1 Academy such a successful racing series, giving these girls an opportunity, one shey all deserve... i makes it easier to be at the track.."

"What's to come for the F1 Academy? What do you two power ladies have planned?"

"A lot... a whole lot." Susie winked and I laughed.

"There's so much more to come." I added.

"Well, we all can't wait for it. One last thing, Lizzie, how's the wedding planning going? We heard from Charles that you're the mastermind behind it?" Natalie smiled and I chuckled.

"Me? No, Celiné, our wedding planner, she's the real mastermind. I'm just trying to help her... she's doing an amazing job and the planning is going on very well. Some final details and it's done, and honestly? You have no idea how happy I am about it. A lot going on at the moment..."

"We hope for some pictures of the big day. Thanks Lizzie, Susie."

"What a day." I chuckled and we walked back towards the hospitalities, when a door to our left opened and a tangy smell filled my nostrils. I stopped dead in my tracks, supressing a gag "Oh god what are they cooking in there...

"What do you mean? Smells not too bad?" Susie laughed and I shook my head, making her stop "Are you okay?" she looked at me worriedly "You're really pale... you didn't look too peachy the whole weekend, to be honest..."

"Nice way to say that I look bad.." I chuckled but stopped immediately, feeling the bile rise in my throat.

"I'm serious. I thought it's maybe the jetlag, you told me you didn't sleep too well since we're here..." she looked around and then walked away for a moment, returning with a bottle of water "Here, drink a little..."

"Thanks." I mustered a smile and took a few sips.

"Let's get you back to Charles, in the hospitality it's cool and you can rest a little." she led me towards the Ferrari hospitality, where Charles sat outside with Lewis and Silvia, a camera team filming them.

"Must be weird seeing him in red?" I nodded towards Susie, and she smiled, a little sadness in her eyes.

"After everything Lewis has done for Mercedes, I think it was only fair for him to let him go, so that his one last big dream can come true, drive for Ferrari." she replied.

"That's true."

"But yeah, it is a little weird seeing him in red."

"I bet." I chuckled and walked up the two stairs "Thanks for dropping me off."

"You're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, it's just a little... I don't know, my stomach is a little in shambles since I had that dodgy looking egg roll from that one food truck. Since then, I felt a little nauseous..." I said, hoping Susie would believe me.

"Okay... well, you have now a couple of weeks' time to rest a little, take care of your wedding, sleep..." she smiled and hugged me "And stay away from dodgy looking egg rolls!"

"Dodgy looking egg rolls?" Charles hugged me from behind when Susie walked off, saying hi to Lewis "When did you have a dodgy looking egg roll?"

"Yesterday, I was hungry and had the last egg rolls from the food truck in the paddock…" I lied and Charles raised his eyebrow.

"And you feel unwell since then?"

"No, my stomach is a little in shambles. That's it. I'm fine. I just need to drink some water, rest a little and all is good..." I reassured him and he studied my face "Really. Don't worry, okay? You should prepare, you have a race to win!"

"Hmm we'll see about that..." he mumbled, still looking sceptical at me.

"Stop looking at me like that. I'm fine!" I kissed his cheek and walked inside and after a moment he followed me "So, how confident are you in winning today?"

"We have good chances. It's all down to a good start." he sat down next to me, and I nodded.

"I'm sure you manage to stay ahead." I stroked his arm, trying my best to look calm, while my mind was occupied with piercing together the puzzle pieces.

The nauseousness every now and then, insomnia, being overly emotional, the weight gain, cravings for food like I never had before, feeling tired and exhausted, my brain that just won't work properly anymore.

"Lizzie?" Charles gently squeezed my thigh and I looked at him "Are you sure you're okay? You zoned out a little..."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure. I was just- I was just thinking about something for the wedding..." I lied and he smiled.

"Okay, I have to go now, see you later." he got up and kissed me, then walked outside to get ready for the race and I leaned back in my seat, taking a deep breath.

With shaky hands I took out my phone, opening the app that would be the answer. 3 missed cycles. I scrambled up, grabbing my bag and left the hospitality. I needed a test. And I needed one now. Two Uber rides and a from paranoia plagued trip to a pharmacy later, I sat on the closed lid of the toilet watching the last second of the timer ticking away, 3 tests on the sink. 3... 2... 1... one last deep breath and I got up, looking at the tests.

"Oh my god."

He won. Imola. Home race of Ferrari. The race he wanted to win so badly after Monaco and Monza. He did it. I was so proud, absently stroking my stomach. The moment we came back to Monaco I made an appointment at my doctor’s office, who just confirmed what I already knew since Miami. I was pregnant. And according to the doctor already in the 17th week. 4 months of carrying a little bean with me without knowing it. The baby was healthy, although I was concerned by the lack of a baby bump. I thought for days about how I wanted to tell Charles, but I didn’t came up with a good idea. Not until I saw the kid of one of Charles’ mechanics in the back of the garage with a Sid from Ice Age plushie. It was cheesy. And for a moment I thought about how it might take away from his moment. But then I remembered how much he wanted this, how excited he got whenever we talked about it and knew it was the right moment. I walked over to the engineered and tapped on Bryan’s shoulder.

"Bryan?" I said quietly and he turned around, smiling "Can you say something to Charles for me?"

"Umm- okay?" he looked at me a little confused and I chuckled.

"Just say peaches. That’s enough." I said and he nodded, even more confused.

"Charles? I have a message from Lizzie." he said and I put back on my headphones, walking over to the nearest screen.

"Okay?" Charles radioed back and I was excited for his reaction.

"Peaches." Bryan said and was met with silence. The only sound to be heard was the crowd, chanting at Charles going a little too wide.

"Peaches." his voice was thick with emotions and a lot of heads were turning my way.

I laughed, took the headphones off and walked outside, waiting at the side of the fence. Charles parked his car and climbed out, taking his helmet and balaclava off, throwing it at Andrea who barely caught it. He searched the crowd for me and the moment his eyes landed on me he ran, picked me up and spun us around.

"Peaches?" he asked and I nodded.

"Peaches!" I repeated and I saw the tears in his eyes, the happiness. His gorgeous dimples showing.

But the next second his eyes widened and he sat me down, cupping my cheeks, searching my face for any discomfort.

"Fuck! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done that!" he whispered kissing my forehead and I laughed "Are you okay?"

"Of course I am! I’m pregnant, not sick! Well not right now at least!" I chuckled and he looked at me for one moment before he kissed me, the crowd erupting around us pulled us back into reality, reminded us that we weren’t alone.

"You made me the happiest man alive, cara mia." he whispered against my lips and I smiled.

"And you made it so much harder for me to fit into my wedding dress in a month." I sighed a little and he laughed.

"I told you already, you could wear a paper bag and you would still look gorgeous. You’ll be the most beautiful girl. Just like always." he kissed my cheek as I blushed "My pretty girl. And my pretty baby." he carefully stroked the side of my almost invisible bump "Are we keeping it to ourselves? Or do you want to tell the world? Or just our family and friends?"

"If they didn’t get it after today? Let’s see how long we can keep it our cute little secret?" I said quietly and he nodded, kissing me again.

"Whatever you say… sweet mama." he winked at me and I laughed.

"Oh god no!" I pushed him away and he laughed "Go now! Celebrate with your team! I’m waiting right here for you!"

He walked towards his team but stopped abruptly and turned around, walking back and kissing me.

"Forgot something… I love you." he smiled and squeezed my waist, before he stormed over to his team, celebrating his win.

I stood at the door, looking down at the aisle that I would walk down in less than 24 hours. Although the lawn was mostly empty for now, thanks to Celiné I had a vision of how it would look on Saturday and I felt the tears gather in my eyes.

"I hate these stupid hormones." I whispered and Charles chuckled, walking up the 3 steps.

"I know…" he grabbed me by the waist, gently squeezing my sides pulling me in "But it’s also kinda cute… and the way you’re pouting is even more cute…" he kissed said pout and I had to smile.

"Lizzie?" Celiné cleared her throat and I pulled away "Umm there’s a little problem we need to deal with…"

"How bad is it?" I asked and she bit her lower lip "That bad? Okay…"

"Do you need me as well?" Charles looked at her and she shook her head "Well, I guess I leave you to it then." he kissed my cheek and walked inside.

"Okay." I followed Celiné inside to the bridal suite and she nodded to the chair "Oh it’s that bad? I need to sit down? Okay…"

"Well… it’s… umm- okay I just say it, they delivered the wrong bridesmaid dress-…"

"What? WHAT?" I got up and she held up her hands "They delivered the wrong dresses? How’s that even possible?"

"Dress. Singular. Only one dress is the wrong size. It’s the same model, but the wrong size…" Celiné said and I sat back down.

"Whose dress?"

"Mine." Sissy said, waddling inside "And- please don’t hate me, I’m not even mad about it? I don’t think that I could stand that long, this boy is on his way out and I swear it feels like he’s gonna plop out any moment." she sat down, gently stroking over her very prominent baby bump "I’m so sorry, I should’ve said something earlier, but I thought I could make it, I wanted to but this kid is part Aussie and I can feel it."

"It’s okay, really. I mean, I understand…" better than she knew "So… any ideas what to do now? Charles has 3 groomsman, I had 3 bridesmaids… now I have two and a teeny tiny dress…"

"I was thinking about Andrea and Julia, but the dress is too small, I already checked in with them."

I only listened halfheartedly to Celiné, looking outside the window where Carla got out of a car, looking around.

"I’ll be right back." I got up and walked outside, Celiné and Sissy looking confused.

Carla walked towards the guest house, where our guests would stay over the weekend and I sped up a little.

"Carla!" I called after her and she turned around, a big smile spread across her face.

"Lizzie, hi!" she hugged me and I smiled "I’m so excited to be here! Thanks again for inviting me!"

"Of course! I told you, you’re still a part of the family!" I said and she nodded slightly.

"I guess I see you then tonight? Are you really sure it’s alright for me to come? It’s only your mum’s and siblings and best friends and-…"

"And you’re like my little sister, so yes, it’s more than okay! Actually… I need you to do me a favour…"

"Sure! Anything! What’s wrong?" she said and I grabbed her hand.

"You need to come with me for a moment."

"Okay, sure, but my bags…" she began and I waved one of the staff members over.

"Hi, could you please be so kind and bring Miss Brocker’s baggage to her room? I need her." I smiled at him and he nodded.

"Of course Miss Doetterer." he took the suitcase and dress bag from Carla and left.

"Alright." I pulled her with me, inside the main house, to the bride suite where Sissy and Celiné looked at me.

"Hi Sissy." Carla smiled and leaned down, hugging her "How are you? The baby?"

"Well… it’s okay… he’s a little wilder than Liam was, but soon it’s over."

"He’s probably really excited to be a big brother soon?"

"Oh yeah, he can’t stop talking about it. Don’t worry, he'll tell you all about it himself."

"I can’t wait." Carla smiled and I opened up the dress bag.

"That’s going to fit." I said and all 3 looked at me "Yeah. Problem solved. Carla, you’re going to be the third and missing bridesmaid, it’s even out then again."

"What?" all 3 said at the same time and Carla stepped towards me.

"You can’t be serious? You- me? But… Shima with Joris, Charlotte with Lorenzo, Sissy with Arthur…" she said and I nodded "That’s not a good idea. Lizzie, just think about it?"

"Okay listen, you would’ve been a bridesmaid if this tool of a boy didn’t pull that shit! And I need a third bridesmaid. And-… Carla please save my wedding. Charles would be heartbroken if Arthur wouldn’t stand with him at the altar… and it would look so unaesthetic with only two bridesmaids and three groomsman." I pleaded, tears stinging my eyes.

"I-I don’t know… we don’t even know if the dress fits? And I don’t know if my shoes match!" Carla replied and I sighed.

"Please try it on, if it fits and it’s just some small changes that Shima could do tonight, would you do it? Please? If you really don’t want to because-… no, you’re right." I shook my head "It wasn’t fair to ask that of you. I’m sorry." I sat down, leaning back in the armchair "Maybe the photographer could use some different ankles to make it work?"

Carla looked at the dress and then at me.

"If it fits or the changes are minimal, I’ll do it. But only if it’s really okay with you. And I- Arthur’s new girlfriend is here… he should be asked as well if he’s okay." she said and so jumped up, hugging her.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!" I kissed her cheek and she chuckled "I go to Charles and explain the situation to him, then he can talk to Arthur. Shima will be here any minute and-…"

"And what am I doing?" she sad walking inside and we quickly explained to her what happened "Okay, put the dress on and we’ll see."

"You think you can do it? Get it ready in time?" Celiné asked and she laughed.

"Carla has the perfect body, don’t worry, that will be easy."

"See? No problem. 3 bridesmaids. 3 groomsmen. Or rather, 2 bridesmaids, 2 groomsmen, one maid of honour and one best man." I smiled.

"Looks like the problem is solved then?"

"Problem is solved. Wedding saved." I texted Charles and smiled to myself.

It would be fine. All would be fine.

Charles POV:

Lizzie paced nervously back and forth, the stress and exhaustion of the last weeks clearly visible in her face.

"Cara mia? Hey! It’s going to be okay, alright?" I tried to calm her down but she shook her head.

"Are you sure?" she stopped, looking at me "I’m serious? Do you really think it will be okay?" she sounded desperate "One bridesmaid down and the substitute is your brothers ex… I love Carla, I really do, and inviting her was the right thing to do and I wanted her to attend, but what was I thinking? Asking her to fill in for Sissy? And she said herself she wasn’t so sure it was a good idea and my stupid brain was persistent and said no, please, it’s fine?" her breathing became ragged.

"Cara mia, look at me. Calm down, okay? It all going to be okay, but you need to calm down… deep breath in… and out… in… and out… keep breathing… sit down, I’ll get you some water." I gently pushed her down on the bench "Deep breath in… and out… in and out… you’re doing amazing… I’ll be right back…" I walked inside, grabbed a bottle of water, one of the snack packs Celiné prepared, and walked outside, finding an empty bench "Cara mia?" I walked around the corner, Lizzie standing at the banister, looking over the lake. I put down the water and snack pack and stepped behind her, hugging her from behind.

"Can you believe it? Tomorrow at this time… I’ll have your name…" Lizzie whispered, resting her head against my shoulder.

"Lizzie Doetterer-Leclerc, my wife…" I kissed the side of her head "…mother of our gorgeous little one…" I gently cradled her tiny baby bump, well concealed by her clothes over the past weeks "I’m so excited for tomorrow… the day I’ve been waiting for for my entire life…"

"Husband and wife…" Lizzie tilted her head up, looking at me.

"Wife and husband." I leaned down, sealing our lips shut with a kiss, when the loud banging at the door made us flinch.

"I guess that’s your entourage… ready to whisk you away… or rather steal you away…" she whispered against my lips.

"Stupid traditions…" I sighed, ignoring the commotion in front of our suite "You sure you’ll be fine tonight? I can stay? We don’t have to do this…"

"I’ll survive. And I won’t be alone. The girls are coming over as you know, our mums…" she chuckled and I kissed her cheek, before kneeling down in front of her.

"Just a few more weeks and everyone will know about you, little one." I pushed Lizzie’s shirt up and kissed her belly "I can’t wait for everyone to find out about you, peaches."

"Peaches…" Lizzie whispered, gently carding through my hair when the banging on the door got louder again "As much as I want you to stay, pretty boy, go. Please. Before they knock down the door…"

"Yeah…" I got up and pulled her into me, stealing one last kiss "Good night, soon to be wife…"

"Good night, soon to be husband." she breathed out against my lips and with one last little peck I pulled away, leaving the suite, stepping right into the bunch of my groomsmen, all waiting eagerly for me.

"Ready?" Enzo asked and I took a deep breath, nodding.

"Go get him boys!" someone shouted and the world turned dark "Let the night begin…"

I stood in front of the mirror. Looking at myself. The dress, the hair, the make-up. It was all perfect. One look up and down and I turned around, looking at Sophie, the hair and make-up artist.

"Ready for the veil?" she smiled and I nodded "Alright…" she carefully put my veil on and I watched her in the mirror "You will think I say that to all my brides, but Lizzie, you are really one of the most beautiful brides I ever worked with…"

"Oh stop, you say that to all your brides…" I laughed and she gently squeezed my arm.

"Very funny. I’m serious. You have this natural glow radiating from you… truly stunning."

"Thank you, really…"

"You wanna step out and show your bridesmaids and the mums?"

"Give me a second…" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

My heart was racing. I was a little afraid of this moment. What if they didn’t like the dress, all the changes we had done to conceal my tiny baby bump. I loved the new design, that it was more flowy, more comfortable. What if they liked the original design, the one before I found out I was pregnant. I gave Sophie the thumbs up and she opened the door, stepping out in front of me.

"Ladies, here’s your bride…" she said and I stepped outside.

Silence. Big eyes. Confused faces. But it was Mum who stepped up to me, tears in her eyes, a big smile on her lips.

"Oh Lizzie, my beautiful girl. Look at you…" she said, taking my hands in hers "You look… I don’t have words…"

"Magnifique! Beautiful! Stunning!" Pascale said, standing next to Mum "Charles is the luckiest man who ever lived!"

"You are beautiful." Sissy smiled, looking at me from her seat.

The compliments wouldn’t stop and I smiled, holding up my hands.

"Okay guys you have to stop or I’m crying. And I don’t want to cry. So please enough for now!" I sniffled a little and Carla handed me a tissue box.

"But-… can I ask what happened to the original design?" Pascale asked and the rest nodded.

"I loved it. I really did. But I thought it was a little too… too tight? Around my stomach and waist area? You know I thought about what amazing food we’ll have? And this one is more flowy, I talked with Monique and told her that I want the dress to have a little more room for food, to be a little more comfortable. And that’s what she came up with… now I can actually enjoy the food at my own wedding, not feeling bloated because I ate too much!" I lied and I saw the way Mum and Pascale looked at each other.

"Okay, makes sense. I mean, it’s still the same dress no? Just a little more… flowy…" Mum said after a moment and I nodded.

"Ready for your big day?" Charlotte asked and I shook my head.

"I’m nervous and scared and gosh I hope I don’t forget my vows or trip and fall on my way down the aisle!" I rambled and Mum gently cupped my cheek.

"Hey! It’s going to be just fine. It’s Charles who is waiting for you. If you forget your vow just look at him and tell him how much and why you love him, that’s fine. And if you trip, do you really think your dad would let you fall? It’s all going to be just fine, okay?" she reassured me and I took a deep breath.

"Okay. I’m fine. I’m ready. Let’s go. Let’s get married. Let Dad get me down the aisle…" I smiled right as a knock on the door made us all look up.

"That was my sign to come in, right?" Das walked inside but stopped dead in his tracks, looking me up and down, while Mum, Pascale, Sissy, Shima, Charlotte and Carla left. "My little owl… you are… you are gorgeous." his voice wavered a little and he closed the distance between us "Look at you… you are so beautiful."

"Oh Dad stop." I said, fighting the tears "Stop making me cry."

"I’m sorry, but look at you!" he replied and I smiled a little "You look so beautiful…"

I took a deep breath and tried my best to not cry but couldn’t stop one tear from escaping.

"Don’t worry, we’ll make a little touch up as soon as we’re downstairs and before the doors are opening." Sophie said, and followed the mums and bridesmaids.

"May I?" Dad offered me his arm and we walked down "The last steps with my little girl… "

"Oh come on, dad!"

"It’s true. You’ve grown into an amazing young woman. Achieved so much already. I’m proud of you. You and Charles. I always knew, as long as it’s Charles I’m handing you off too, I’m fine with it." he chuckled a little.

"Yeah. It was always him right?" I whispered and he nodded.

"Always, little one. And now…" he stopped and Sophie did a last touch-up of my hair and make-up, nodding to Shima, who waited at the side with the other bridesmaids.

"Alright, where are the groomsmen?" she looked to the side where Lorenzo, Arthur and Joris walked out.

"We’re here." Enzo smiled and then stopped, looking at me "Lizzie, you look beautiful."

"Wow…" Arthur whispered, wiping his face instantly.

"Charles is the luckiest guy on this planet!" Joris said, a big smile on his face.

"We need to get going. I can’t cry before I even made it down the aisle, okay?" I laughed "Did you manage to sneak in my surprise for Charles?" I then whispered to Joris and he nodded "Did he see it already?"

"No, not yet…" he smiled and then followed Arthur and Lorenzo, standing next to their designated bridesmaids.

Joris whispered something into Shima’s ear, making her blush. Lorenzo kissed Charlotte, telling her how beautiful she looked. I watched Arthur, taking a deep breath and holding out his arm for Carla, she smiled nervously, but when Arthur smiled as well, it seemed like both would be fine and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in.

"Everyone ready?" Celiné opened the door, looking inside and Shima nodded "Our bride is ready too?"

"Yeah…" my voice thin and I cleared my throat "I’m ready. Let’s get married."

Charles POV:

The door opened and I watched Joris and Shima, Lorenzo and Charlotte and lastly Arthur and Carla walk down the aisle. All with the biggest smile on their faces. I was nervous, but the good kind of nervous. Excited. I couldn’t wait for Lizzie walking down the aisle. Joris, Lorenzo and Arthur stood next to, smiling and I watched how the girls took in their positions.

"Did you see her?" I whispered to Joris and he nodded.

"You hit the jackpot…" he replied and I smiled.

The music began to play and I closed my eyes, taking one last deep breath, as all the guests arose for the arrival of the bride. My bride. My Lizzie. When I opened my eyes I teared up immediately, watching Lizzie next to Juergen. She was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She looked ethereal. Like a goddess. Her dress and veil shining bright in the warm light of the sun. But nothing could compare to the smile on her face. She was glowing. Her eyes shining. But even now I could sense her nervousness and I had to smile. Father and daughter stopped in front of me and Juergen, turned a little kissing Lizzie’s cheek, whispering something, before he turned to me, pulling me into a bear hug.

"I know there’s no better man out there for my little girl. I know you will take good care of her." he whispered and I nodded.

"I’ll protect her with my life."

"I know you will. I love you, son."

I took a deep breath, feeling even more tears gathering in my eyes when I pulled away, smiling at him.

"Love you too, Pops."

He winked at me and then gently took Lizzie’s hand, placing it in mine, then making his way to our mothers, sitting in between them.

"Hi…" Lizzie whispered and I felt the nervousness radiating off of her.

"You are so beautiful…" I kissed the back of her hand and she blushed "My beautiful goddess."

"You look gorgeous…" she smiled and I chuckled.

We both turned towards the wedding officiant who smiled at us, then opened up his book and began.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, with fond hearts and joyous spirits, let us join together to commemorate the remarkable union of Lizzie and Charles as they begin this incredible journey of matrimony today here before us… Marriage is a sacred bond of deep commitment and faith. It can be an amazing journey shared between two individuals devoted to each other, loving and supporting one another through the highs and lows that come with life's adventures. With patience and trust in your partner, marriage will provide strong foundations for all those special moments ahead."

My face almost began to hurt from smiling, and by the look on Lizzie’s face she felt the same.

"Our bride and groom have now prepared their own vows that they would like to share now with us… Lizzie."

She smiled nervously, turned towards me and I took her other hand into mine, squeezing them gently.

"Okay… I can do this…" she whispered to herself and I smiled. She took one last deep breath and closed her eyes and when she opened them again they were so full of love, if almost made my heart burst "Charles, our story began on a karting track 19 years ago and since then there was not a single day where I haven't thought of you at least once. We've been through good times, bad times, even the worst of times, but with you by my side, even the worst of times were bearable. Today I stand before you, ready to start the biggest adventure of our lives. I know it will be hard sometimes, some days will take a lot of work. But I also know that there will be days filled with love, laughter, and pure bliss. I can't imagine sharing this adventure with anyone else but you. You're my best friend, the love of my life, and my soulmate. Today I promise to stand by your side and to love you always. And when one day death do us part, | promise you, l'll find you in every other lifetime. I once called you a magnetic force and today, I take you, this magnetic force of a man, to be my husband."

I had to fight the tears, and Lizzie gently wiped away the one that had escaped, smiling at me.

"Charles…" the officiant said and I nodded.

"Lizzie, from the moment I met you, I knew you belong with me and that the girl in my story, was and will always be you. You’re my past, my present and my future. You make saying goodbye the worst, but saying hello the best. Saying I love you forevermore will never be long enough. You turn every place you’re at into my favourite place to be. You are the light in my darkest nights, that always guides me home to my safe haven, you. You have the purest and kindest soul, the biggest heart and the sharpest mind. You’re also the most beautiful, breathtaking, stunning girl I’ve ever seen, that’s a big bonus too." everyone laughed a little, and Lizzie shook her head, an amused smile on her lips "You’re always by my side, through all my struggles and endeavours, my highest highs, my lowest lows. In every situation, you always bring me comfort, bring me peace. Waking up next to you is my biggest inspiration and motivation to be the best version of me, but I know that even on the days where I won’t succeed, you will love me no matter what. They say the secret to a perfect life together is to find someone to grow old with, but I think the secret is to find someone to stay young with and in you, I found that someone, Lizzie, because all’s well that ends well to end up with you."

Lizzie looked at me, tears streaming down her face, and I cupped her cheeks, wiping her tears away just the way she did with mine.

"Who has the rings?" the officiant asked and Joris and Shima stepped forwards, handing him the rings. He smiled at Lizzie, handing her my ring.

"Lizzie, do you take Charles to be your husband, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him and to cherish him. Through sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." her hands shaky as she slipped the ring on my finger.

"Charles…" the officiant handed Lizzie‘s ring over and I smiled at her "…do you take Lizzie to be your wife, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her and to cherish her. Through sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." my hand was never this steady when I slipper her ring onto her finger, where her engagement ring was glistening in the sun.

"It is my great honour and privilege to pronounce you husband and wife. Charles, you may kiss the bri-…"

I didn’t let him finish, pulling Lizzie close and sealing our lips shut with an all consuming kiss. Our guests all began to cheer and clap, but I only had eyes for Lizzie, the glimmer in her eyes, the soft tinge of pink adorning her cheeks, the smile on her lips when I pulled away gently.

"I love you…" we both said in unison and I pecked her lips again.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, for the first time ever, Mr and Mrs. Leclerc."

"Doetterer-Leclerc…" I whispered and she giggled slightly.

"I love the sound of that…"

"Me too, my beautiful wife, me too…"

The day was perfect. I had no other words for it. Lizzie and Celiné did an incredible job and I watched how all the most important people in our life celebrated us. Our love. When it was time for the food I had to chuckle, watching Lizzie practically beaming at the pasta and pizza bar, smiling from ear to ear when she saw how the guests loved the food, all indulging in the delicious treats.

"Happy?" I whispered, when she closed her eyes, enjoying some cheesy pasta.

"Oh yeah. Choosing a pasta and pizza buffet was the best idea! And our little one approves." she giggled, gently stroking her perfectly hissed bump.

"You want something more? Pizza? Salad? Pasta?"

"Yes. Yes and yes." she munched on her last piece of pizza and I laughed, kissing her cheek.

"I’ll be right back." I walked to the buffet, when Seb patted my arm and I smiled at him.

"Charles. Hey." he hugged me "Congrats, kiddo. What a wonderful day, thanks for having us."

"Thanks for coming! Really. It means a lot to us."

"How’s the bride?" he asked filing a plate with pizza slices.

"Hungry. Happy. On cloud nine?" I laughed, filling Lizzie’s plate with everything she wanted.

"That’s good to hear, now go, feed your wife. It’s going to be a long day!" he chuckled and I nodded.

"I see you later…" I waved him off, returning to our table where Lizzie smiled at me and made grabby hands for her plate "Here you go, my beautiful wife."

"Thank you very much, my dashing husband." she chuckled and I laughed. I looked around, everyone was happy, talking away, laughing. It was indeed the perfect day and I leaned back enjoying every moment to the fullest, when it was time for some speeches. I made it through them without shedding a single tear, fighting for my life, but when Juergen stepped up to the mic, I took a deep breath, squeezing Lizzie’s hand, who lost the the battle with the tears 3 speeches ago.

"You okay?" I whispered and she nodded, sniffling.

"Yeah. You? You need a tissue?"

"I’m fine. Thanks." I said, preparing for the worst.

"Lizzie, Charles. I’ll keep this short, we already heard enough speeches and I know these young folks want to dance and party… Lizzie, to me, you’ll always be my little girl, my little owl, no matter how old you are. And I always knew the day you would marry wouldn’t be easy for me… or at least I thought so for the first 8 years of your life. But the moment Charles walked into our life’s, I knew it wouldn’t be too hard. I knew that with Charles by your side, nothing will happen to you. You’ll be safe. Protected. Happy. I knew that Charles would do everything to make you the happiest girl on this planet, that he would fight for your dreams, make sure that you achieve everything you ever wanted. I knew that the day Charles would replace me wouldn’t be a sad day for me, because I’ve never seen someone loving another person as much as Charles loves you. Charles, I know you now for 19 years and I love you like my own and god how I wished your old man could be here with us tonight. Seeing the man you’ve become. He would be so proud of you, because I sure know that I am. But not just him. Also Jules. Know that these two, although not here with us tonight, are somewhere together, celebrating the love and bond you two share. So, ladies and gentlemen, let’s raise our glasses for our bride and groom. To Lizzie and Charles!" Juergen raised his glass and I took a deep breath, feeling tears streaming down my face.

"You need a tissue?" Lizzie repeated but I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded, taking the tissue she handed me with a shaky hand "Wait…" she smiled, gently wiping away my tears.

I mustered a smile and kissed her cheek, before I got up, taking another deep breath, looking for Juergen. When I spotted him he smiled at me and in an instant I pulled him into a tight embrace, trying to put into words what I felt, but I failed.

"It’s okay. I got you." he whispered and I just nodded, pulling him closer "They are always with you, remember that."

"Thank you…" my voice hoarse and shaky "For everything…"

"Go now, there’s a little surprise waiting for you…" he gently pulled away and I nodded, wiping my eyes.

I walked over to Lizzie, our mothers, hugging her.

"Hi pretty girl." I whispered, hugging her from behind, smiling at our mothers, not patting my arm, walking away "Sorry for storming away…"

"Are you okay?" she turned her head a little, looking at me, her eyes glassy.

"Yeah… he just… everything he said… it was-…" I rambled and she turned around.

"Pops was right, you know? They are always with you… even today…"

"I know, it’s just… I would’ve loved to have them here you know? Like really… I know it’s not possible… but yeah…" I sighed and she smiled.

"They are here, in a different way, but they are here…" she opened the buttons of my jacket, pulling the left side away from my body, looking at the lining on the inside and I followed her look, tearing up immediately. Carefully embroidered into the fabric were papa and Jules, smiling at me.

"How-… when-…" I was at a loss of words, blinking the tears away "Lizzie…"

"The tailor made two jackets, Joris swapped them out right before you put it on…" she whispered "I knew you wanted to have them with you… so-…"

I pressed my lips onto hers, pulling her close.

"You-… I love you, cara mia… so much… thank you. For this- today… our little one… thank you…" I kissed her again, when the lights got dark around us, the only light now coming from the string lights over the dance floor.

"Lizzie, Charles. It’s time for your first dance as husband and wife…" Joris said and I carefully wiped the tears from

Lizzie’s face, for what felt like the hundredth time today, right as she was doing the same on my face.

I took her hand in mine and led her to the dance floor, everyone smiling and cheering for us. Lizzie looked nervous, and I felt the same, but I also knew that with her by my side, it would be just fine. We stopped in the middle of the dance floor and I smiled at her, cupping her cheek and pulling her close, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Ready?" I whispered and she nodded.

"Yeah…"

She placed her hand on my shoulder, while I placed mine on her back, pulling her even closer, holding her other hand. We looked at each other, when on the right side a white piano appeared out of the dark, Arthur sitting on the bench, smiling at us. Then he started to play Lover and Lizzie’s eyes widened as we did the first steps.

"That’s…"

"Our song… I asked Arthur to learn it…"

"Charles… that’s-… thank you." she smiled and I kissed her cheek.

"I had to plan at least one thing alone for tonight, after you made this day as special as it is…"

She hid her face in the crook of my neck and I leaned my cheek against her head.

"I love you, my husband…" she whispered after a while and I smiled, kissing the side of her head.

"I love you too, my beautiful wife…"

The next weeks went by in a blur and it felt like I was floating on cloud 9. Montreal, Spielberg and Spa were wins number 5, 6 and 7. Lizzie was the happiest with how the F1 Academy was gaining more and more the interest of the media, more drivers joining her for workshops and our little one finally deciding to show up, making her huff in annoyance whenever she put something on, that did nothing to conceal her now growing belly.

"I think it’s time that we tell our family and friends the good news… I can’t hide it for much longer, it’s summer, I can’t run around wearing your hoodies all the time, we were lucky that it was cold and rainy the last weeks wherever we were racing!"

"Alright, then let’s tell everyone?" I said and she nodded "I mean, now that little Noah is born, we definitely can tell our family and friends?"

"Okay, let’s do this." she grabbed her phone and handed it to me, peeling my hoodie off of her belly "Take a picture and let’s send it to everyone."

"What? You’re joking, right?" I looked at her and she titled her head a little.

"Why?" she scrunched her nose.

"Lizzie! We’re not just sending a picture of your belly and that’s it!"

"Why not?"

"You’re really serious?"

"I mean, I wouldn’t just send a picture of my belly and that’s it. I would write a little something, but honestly? I don’t want to make a party or whatever. I’m just so happy that the wedding is over, I don’t need another party that I have to organise…" she leaned back and I thought about it for a second.

"Okay, we’re taking a selfie… with your belly…" I said and she smiled, I held the phone in one hand, pointing at Lizzie’s belly with the other, making a funny face taking some pictures before we looked at them.

Lizzie smiled at me on every picture, and when we picked our favourite one she thought for a moment, before she typed away, showing me the text and I laughed.

"We’re going to need a bigger car, bye bye two-seater."

I woke up from a faint rummaging somewhere in the penthouse, immediately feeling for Lizzie next to me, just to find her bed empty and cold. I was awake in an instant and sat up, switching the nightstand lamp on. 2:34am. One look to the foot of the bed and I knew that Lizzie was okay, Arlo was with her. I stretched and got up, following the rustling sound, hearing Lizzie mumbling in the soon to be nursery.

"I thought that I ordered it? Maybe they didn’t deliver it? Do we even need one? Of course we need one… silly me." she huffed and Arlo tilted his head when he saw me walking in, barking quietly "Shhh! Arlo! Don’t wake up Charlie!"

"Too late." I whispered and Lizzie flinched, turning around, her cheeks red, swollen belly on full display between us "What are you doing?" I asked, gently caressing our little one, feeling a kick immediately.

"She’s keeping me awake! She’s just like her dad!" Lizzie mumbled and I looked at her face, the glow of her skin, shiny eyes, soft hair.

"She?" I cocked an eyebrow and she nodded "Cara mia, we said we don’t want to know the gender for now… did you cheat?"

"No! But I just… I have this feeling, you know? I can’t explain…" she whispered and glanced down at her growing bump "She’s in there…"

"How do you know?"

"I just told you! I have a feeling!" she hit my shoulder and in the next moment she kissed my cheek "I’m sorry! I don’t know why I did that… I’m just… it’s- just…"

"Hormones? They make you emotional? Little cra-… irrational?" I said gently, wiping a tear from cheek.

"I’m carrying a baby inside of me! I think I have the right to be a little bit irrational!" another wave of her cute wrath.

"I’m sorry, pretty girl… you are right!" I smiled, cradling Lizzie’s bump gently with one hand, her cheek with the other "But can my two favourite people in the world come back to bed now? I miss you…"

"Yeah… I was just looking for this baby monitor thing? I thought I ordered it? But maybe I didn’t? It’s not here… but I was so sure? God my brain is mush… I- I don’t even know what day today is." she mumbled, a fresh wave of tears gathering in her eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey, cara mia. It’s okay! You hear me? We figure it out in the morning. But for now, let’s go back to bed." I gently guided her to our bedroom and helped her get comfortable.

"I hate being like this…" Lizzie whispered and I looked at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I’m so emotional all the damn time! One moment I’m complete mush and want to cry, the next I want to kill someone! And my brain is not braining anymore… and I don’t even want to start with how I look!"

"You look beautiful, what are you even talking about?" I cupped her cheek but she huffed.

"How is it possible that in the span of 8 weeks my belly tripled in size! I’m huge! 8 weeks ago I was wearing my wedding dress… and now?" she pouted "Not even your biggest clothes will fit me in no time anymore…"

"First of all, you haven’t tripled in size. Don’t be ridiculous! Second of all, you’re now in the sixth month. It’s normal that your belly grows now a little more each day! The doctor already said that it might happen from one week to another that our little one decides to show up fully! And there it is…"

"But- but I… I don’t even know what I wanted to say…" she sighed and I chuckled.

"What about we’re going to bed now? Tomorrow we’re leaving for our family vacation, just some quiet days with our family. Doing nothing but relaxing. Leave the room the way it is, and as soon as we’re back from our vacation, I’ll make sure to check that we have everything for our little one. And I make sure that the nursery is ready as well… how does that sound?"

"Okay…" she puffed out, walking towards the door "But I’m hungry…"

"What do you want, pretty girl?" I asked and she thought for a moment, although I knew already what she wanted "Grapes, berries, some cheese and crackers?"

"Ouhhh yes! That sounds good…" she smiled and I kissed her cheek.

"You go and het comfy in the bed and I’ll bring you your midnight snack."

"Thank you." she whispered, smiling adorably.

"Everything for my beautiful wife and our little one…"

"Where’s Lizzie?" I asked our mothers, when I got out of the pool, looking for her.

"She went inside, she said it’s a little too hot and she’s also hungry… but not hungry hungry, more in the mood for a snack hungry…" Marina said and I chuckled.

"Okay…" I grabbed a towel, drying myself up, walking inside the house, where Lizzie was sitting on the sofa, eating ice cream, the bowl propped up on her belly. I took my phone out and captured the moment when she scrunched her nose, huffing.

"What is it, pretty girl?" I asked and stopped in front of her "What do my two favourite girls in the world need?"

"Oh? So now it’s a girl?" she tilted her head adorably "When I said she’s a girl, that I can feel it, you called me crazy…"

"I did not call you crazy!" I held my hands up and she sighed, rolling her eyes, before she scooted to the edge of the sofa, pushing herself up "Hey, what do you need? I can get it for you…"

"I can walk into the kitchen by myself, thank you…" she mumbled and waddled away, it was truly endearing.

"I know that you can, but I could also just do it for you…" I followed her as she rummaged through the cupboards "What do you need?"

"This ice cream sucks…" she groaned, voice muffled as she looked into another cupboard.

"Ouch-… okay…"

"No! Not sucks like it doesn’t taste good! More like… I want the saltiness from the caramel one, but still the peanut ice cream and no caramel? Maybe a little chocolate? I don’t know…" she mumbled, letting an errant of different snacks and toppings falling down on the kitchen island.

"And what are you doing now?" I watched her scoop up some ice cream, sprinkling it with chocolate chips and some sea salt flakes.

"Now I’m mixing my own ice cream…" she shoved the spoonful in her mouth, giving it a go "No. That’s not it…"

"So this is your newest craving then? Ice cream with weird toppings?" I asked carefully, hoping secretly that the nights full of fruit platters and cheese boards in our bed might come to an end.

"For now…" she mumbled, trying her next creation "Ewww no. Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea. Whoever said pickles go along with everything… no. Just no."

I stayed quiet and watched Lizzie trying all different variations of toppings out, right when I thought she wouldn’t find the perfect combination today, a moan emanated from her throat and she closed her eyes.

"I guess whatever that combination was, it’s the winner?" I chuckled as she let out another moan "Okay stop… our parents are somewhere out there…"

"Charles, I’m pregnant, I think they know that we have sex…" she rolled her eyes and I shook my head, hugging her from behind.

"But that’s the thing, cara mia…" I whispered in her ear, watching goosebumps spread over her body, her breathing hitched "We’re not having sex… you’re just eating ice cream, sounding like that? I feel like I have to outperform myself tonight to make you sound like that…" she began to tremble and I cradled her swollen belly.

"Charles…" she breathed out.

"Yeah?" I kissed her cheek.

"I think I just invented a new flavour for Lec…" she replied and I dropped my head on her shoulder, laughing "You should give it a try, it’s delicious."

"Sure… why not…" I chuckled, opening my mouth for the spoon Lizzie fed me. And to my surprise she was right "What’s that?"

"It’s your peanut ice cream, with crushed salt pretzels and a little bit of crumbled brownies. Salty, sweet, nutty. It has it all." she ate another spoon full "Mhhh so good." she moaned again and I shook my head.

"Now you’re just doing it to tease me…"

"Maybe… maybe not…"

I stroked her belly, leaning down and kissing the side of it.

"Your mama is mean to me… I can’t wait for you to come out and help me against her!" I whispered and Lizzie laughed.

"You think, after I carried her for 9 months, she’ll pick your side?"

"Of course. I talked to her about it. Every night when I was with you, I talked to her, had my own personal little chat time with our beautiful little one… I’m confident she’ll protect her dad from her vicious mama…"

"Vicious?" she shrieked and I laughed, cupping her cheeks.

"Vicious, beautiful, perfect baby mama…" I kissed her and I felt the smile on her lips "My gorgeous wife…"

Chapter 50 - Ladies and Gentlemen, you are cordially invited to celebrate the marriage of Lizzie and Charles ♥️👰‍♀️🤵‍♂️ 2 more chapters to go…

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[slifarianhawk]

Chapter 8: doctors warning

"Now be a good girl for me, sweetheart. I know you can handle all of me." Wriothesley said while having me pinned against his desk.

"Your grace, please. I can't wait much longer. It's just so hot." I tried pulling against the cuffs, but they remained clasped against my wrists.

"Don't worry, my sweet little princess. I'll get you where you need to be." He said his icy eyes alight with passion as he pulled closer, his lips nearly grazing my neck.

"Wriothesley, please, your grace." I panted out.

He smirked as I felt a sharp pang in my neck, "You're as sweet as how I like my tea."

"WRIO!" I gasped.

"Hmmm, you need to wake up, little princess." He chuckled as he stood up.

"Silva! Wake up! Silva!" I heard a muddled voice.

"But your grace." I whimpered as the chains faded along with most of the surroundings.

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll see you soon." Wriothesley said, fading to black.

I slowly opened my eyes. Sam was standing next to me with a female I at the end of my bed. He offered his hand, and I happily took it. He helped me sit and stand up.

"Thanks Sam, how's the wife and newborn?" I ask, stretching out.

"They are well. My little girl finally has slept through the night. My wife was so happy. She told me to tell you thank you if you pulled through. I'm quite glad you did." He said,"You probably want to shower and change, right? Melissa has been assigned to help you by Sigewinne."

"Well, I more or less actually volunteered Sammy. Hi, I'm Melissa. I'm this doofuses cousin. On behalf of my family, thank you for keeping him safe. Please call me Mel." She smiled.

"It's nice to have pleasant faces around, but I do agree a shower would be nice. Could you guys help me down to the gym? The water gets warmer there." I asked, looking for my toiletries.

"I'll be glad to escort you. That way, Sam can make sure your food is ready by the time you're done." Mel said, smiling.

"Yea, Wolsey has a fresh batch of Fontaine onion soup being made just for you, apparently." Sam chuckled, then looked at me, "His grace put most of your belongings in the crate on the table. You should be able to find your shower kit there."

"Thank you, Sam." I chirpped, quickly grabbing my shower stuff as well as a change of clothes.

Mel led me to the shower rooms in the gym. I quickly washed my body and hair. The pluie lotus scent gently caressed my skin. I had to unwrap the bandages before I stepped in. Old scabbing fell off, revealing scarred but new skin.

"Hey Mel!" I heard a familiar male voice shout.

"Hey Roussimoff, sorry on duty right now. I can't really talk." Melissa said.

"It's alright, Mel. I still have a bit to do. As long as I can change in private, it's fine." I sigh, "Hey Roussimoff, any interesting matches coming up?"

"No, the matches have been pretty dull. I want to schedule you, Silva. How bout it a couple of weeks and have you back in the ring?" He asked, letting out a hearty laugh.

"Given the fact I was dead less that twenty four hours ago, I think my comeback to the ring will need to wait longer than two weeks. But I'll say this when I do return, it'll be a good show." I chuckled as I scrubbed my thighs.

I heard Mel and Rouss continue to chat about mundane things. Weather outside and the lineups for an upcoming tournament. I heard Roussimoff say something interesting. That his grace was participating in the tournament as a wild card finale.

That tournament was in three months. I smiled. I'm sure I'd be at a hundred percent by then. I'm going to join that tournament.

When I finished my shower, I stepped out to find a fresh towel laid out for me. Swiftly drying off and changing into the light outfit I brought with me, I went to find Melissa.

Caddy in hand, I searched the weight room. I couldn't find Melissa anywhere in the gym. Suddenly, I felt a cold hand on my bare shoulder. I felt my body jolt as I turned around.

"Who in the archons fucking hell ....Wriothesley!" I shouted placing my hand over my heart as I saw his grace with the biggest smirk I'd seen on his face.

"For someone who was just dead, you turned around pretty quickly." He chuckled.

I sighed and took a few deep breaths, "Could you wipe that grin off your face? Archons, are you trying to kill me again?"

"My apologies, I was actually looking for you. I was the one who told Melissa and Roussimoff to go to the ring. I need to bring you to the observation ward. Sigewinne sent for a doctor when you didn't wake up the third day of your coma. He arrived a little while ago. He also instructed me to bring this." Wriothesley said, revealing the unopened letter from Zhongli.

"That would mean... She didn't!" I covered my mouth and ran past Wriothesley.

If I had to say so, I moved fast for someone who was dead not too long ago. Getting to the observation ward from the gym normally would take about a ten minute fast walk to the lift alone. But I made it to the lift in nearly six minutes.

Sam was waiting by the lift and sent it up as I stepped on. Once we reached the upper floor, I stepped off, nodding at Sam, and took off once more. A strong medicinal scent lingered in the air. I practically leaped the steps up to the observation ward.

"It's a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, I've heard nothing but good things about you from Silva." I heard Sigewinnes soft voice say as I dashed up to the observation ward.

"Like wise, and I must thank you, Ms. Sigewinne for being so kind to her. Silva is like a daughter to me. I'm glad she has such a capable doctor nearby." A sweet familiar voice said that brought a smile to my face.

She did.

"You two seem to have company." The shrill voice of the snake said.

"Thank you for noticing me, Changsheng." I smiled as I walked into the ward, "Baizhu, it's great to see you."

He simply let out a chuckle and hugged me. The scent of older medicinal herbs filled my nose. I squeezed tight as my heart shook.

"Now, now Silva, I need to take a look at you." He chuckled, letting me go gesturing to the closest bed.

I nodded and headed towards the bed, taking a seat. Baizhu quickly got to work, and Changsheng slithered around my neck. I simply closed my eyes and let him do his exam.

My mind drifted to my dream. How cold his grace's hands felt on top of mine. I imagined his lips being the same temperature. How he'd wear the smug look he had on earlier when I ask.

"Silva, what's going through that mind of yours?" Changsheng said, "Your pulse sped up significantly."

I felt my cheeks burn red. Baizhu had a light smile and pat my shoulder. His kind eyes were soft.

"I have some good news and a hypothesis for you, Silva. Which would you like first?" Baizhu said, offering his arm out to Changsheng, who remained coiled comfortably around my neck.

"The good news, archons know I could use it." I chuckled as Sigewinne pulled out a notepad.

"To start the dendro energy that resides in your body is finally stabilized. I noticed that when you came in for your check-up before you left, it wasn't at a safe level. It's why I had you take that course of dendrocide potions before you left. While I think it was enough to suppress it while through the dendro rich Chenyu Vale. When your assailant drugged you the first time, they reactivated the dormant energy. The people who attacked you and drugged you the second time, what they did forced enough of that energy out by over activating it." Baizhu explained, "Ms. Sigewinne told me you learned your mother was a dendro elemental. So I'm going to recommend you be taking that dendrocide potion here as well."

I sighed, "She's more than an elemental. I don't know if Monsieur Nuevillette would want me to say anything to his grace, but both of you are my doctors, so I think it's fine telling you guys."

"What do you mean, Ms. Silva?" Sigewinne asked, and Baizhu gave me a curious look.

"I am the daughter of Apep, the dragon sovereign of dendro and a human." I covered my face with my hand only to feel a thunck on my temple.

"Why do you look ashamed?" Changsheng said, wrapping around Baizhus's arm, which was now on my shoulder, "Do you even understand how much this explains!?!"

"If I was to be frank Mr. Zhongli had that theory. Once he saw the dendrocide potions in your bag and the reaction to being stabbed with the drug. He had me create you a special medicine for something. He had a feeling that would happen soon. It was in the parcel I sent. Given that you were in a coma and haven't been taking it, I honestly think in about a weeks time. You should be kept in seclusion." Baizhu said, "In all honesty, I'd rather bring you back to Liyue for observation, but I know I can't. The Iudex made that very clear."

"Is Zhongli's explanation on everything in the letter he sent?" I asked.

"That's my guess." He said, pushing my hair back behind my ear.

"Then, by all means, please take it. You don't have to read aloud." Wriothesley said, slowly walking in letter in hand.

"Dr. Baizhu, this is his grace." Sigewinne said, introducing them.

"It's a pleasure. As I told Ms. Sigewinne, thank you for treating Silva so well." Baizhu smiled.

"You're welcome, and I'd be beating myself if I didn't thank you for coming. In the short amount of time she's been here, I have grown quite fond of Silva." Wriothesley said, handing me the letter.

When our hands brushed, I felt my cheeks heat up. They were cold to the touch, just like in my dreams. I shook my head and flipped open the wax seal on the letter. Zhongli's voice played in my head as I read.

"My dear Silva, I'm glad to have your correspondence. I have done some research in liyue's and even some of Sumeru's libraries. I know who she is. I'm working on a way for you to meet her after you are released, but until then, I'm having our friend Baizhu prepare a medicine I myself am on for you. It'll prevent a very dangerous aspect of what we are. Please stay safe til I see you once more, my treasured friend, Zhongli." His voice ended.

"What does a dangerous aspect even mean?" I ask my green haired friend.

"Your mother being a dendro elemental means certain steps just need to be taken to prevent any harm to you or say someone you care about when you are experiencing your monthly cycle. Although that might be different as well." Baizhu said, sitting next to me and speaking very quietly, "Especially since the elemental you were born from is a dragon."

"I understand, Baizhu." I said, "Did you leave a good stock with Sigewinne?"

"I did. Now, I need to do a full medication work up and make sure everything is in working order for when I leave. Why don't you go with Mr. Wriothesley and get some food. I'll be in the infirmary with Ms. Sigewinne, but don't worry, I will come say goodbye when I'm done." Baizhu said.

I simply nodded and stood up. Baizhu offered his hand to his grace, to which Wriothesley shook it. Our previous conversation crossed my mind.

"Baizhu, what was your hypothesis? About me?" I asked.

He turned to me and smiled, "No need to worry about it, Silva. You'll know soon enough."

"Alright, I'll see you in a bit, Baizhu." I said bowing.

Wriothesley led me away from the observation ward. He walked on my left, his steps falling heavily against the metal floors. His handcuffs sway with each step.

"You're as sweet as I like my tea." Echoed through my mind as I watched him pull his cuffs off his belt,  spinning them on his finger.

I bit my lip as he pulled ahead. He was very much a fine looking man. Even with how many layers he was wearing, I could see how well built his back was. Something was different, though.

"Wriothesley, where's your coat?" I asked, confused.

"I had a guarde bring it to one of Fontaines' best cleaners. There was a pretty big stain on it." He said, looking back at me, "Come on, let's go to my office. I have something for you."

I nodded and followed relatively close behind. I noticed the gaurdes were out in force today. Was the fear of a riot, maybe?

When Wriothesley and I arrived at his office, he locked the doors behind him once we walked through.

"Why did you lock the doors your grace?" I asked as I walked up the stairs.

He sighed and pulled out a red box of tea I had once seen in the Kamisato house.

"Care for a cup?" He asked a bit of hesitation in his voice.

"Of course, I'd love tea with you." I smile.

Wriothesley sat in front of me, and he took my hand. He looked me dead in my eyes. He tried to speak twice, but no words managed to escape his lips.

"Archons, I didn't expect this to be so hard." He managed to wrestle out that much.

I walk up next to him, "it's OK, your grace. No matter what, you can tell me."

I forced my courage up and took his hand. At the contact, Wriothesley took a deep breath and pressed a kiss on my lips.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have," He said, trying to pull away, but I quickly pressed another kiss on his lips.

[keenzinemugstudent]

Clark Kent x Black goth witch reader! Questions?

You and Clark become close and certain people don't like it!

⚠️ Warning a bit of spiciness at the end of the chapter ⚠️

Okay so uh you were asked by Chole to meet at the talon to help her find out more Information on meteor freaks only to be ganged up by her and Lana.

"Uh okay girlies what's happening right?" Chole grabs my hands looking me straight in the eye.

"Y/n you know me and you are friends."

"Yeah?"

"And I have no issues with you even if you are a goth".

"Okay thanks for the reminder that I'm goth but go on."

"And as your friend I need you to be completely honest with me."

"And Lana?" You say confusingly looking towards Lana who awkwardly waved.

"Yes and Lana."

"Okay??"

"And we both just want to know...what's going on between you and Clark?" Chole says straight to the point. You look between her and Lana who looked a bit flustered.

Yeah definitely should have saw that coming okay so a couple of weeks ago you saved Clark from a a meteor freak which ended up with you having to help him by revealing that you had powers AKA you were a witch that was passed down to your family for generations of course he had to reveal his secret which you already kind of knew about but didn't want to say anything so we became close before we didn't really talk much yeah we had classes together and sat next to each other but we usually just said our hellos did our work and sometimes I'll even help him study other than that we weren't all the close until we both revealed secret. My parents were upset with me at first but until I explained everything we had a talk with the Kent's now everything was fine! You and Clark became friends helping each other with stopping Meteor freaks from causing problems we even hung out a couple of times okay all the time don't judge. Everyone thought it was weird that the quiet and loner goth girl and the clumsy farm boy started to become close even his friends thought it was weird cause he spent more with you than them he didn't even pay Lana that much attention anymore! I mean I know that Chloe has a crush on Clark and you know that Clark has feelings for Lana but he hasn't really acted any different he does not as clumsy and flustered around her as much as she used to I guess he stopped liking her? But back to the matter at hand!

"What do you mean? That's when Lana spoke up.

"You and Clark have been hanging out a lot recently and it's just um new!"

"New as in?" I free my hands from Chloe's crossing my arms giving a raised eyebrow up the two girls.

"You two barely used to talk and now your walking down the hallway hold hands or flirting!" Chole says confused Lana nods her head in agreement. I just roll my eyes hand on my forehead you could already feel a migraine coming on.

"Okay one I hold his hand because I'm small and I easily get lost in the crowd and second we do not flirt!"

"Y/n you literally were flirting with him! I mean this morning for example!"

(flashback!)

All I'm saying is that maybe you should wear black more often Clark!

"Thanks but I'll stick to my regular clothes from now on I don't think I would look good in Black." He says

"You'd look absolutely dashing in black your already a handsome farm boy the ladies won't be able to keep their hands off you if you start getting a bad boy look."

He leans his arm on his locker looking me straight in the eye with a smile.

"So you think I'm handsome huh?"

You look up at him stepping close to his face grabbing his chin causing him to blush pink.

"Don't let it get to your head farm boy." I say with a smirk grabbing my books from my locker walking away to my next class, Clark quick grabs his stuff following after you. Not knowing that Chole and Lana saw the whole thing looking at each other in disbelief.

(end flashback!)

"What the hell were you guys doing watching us in the first place?!"

"We just happened to see you two there okay! But that's not the point! Why are you two suddenly so close now!"

"Even if there was something going on between me and Clark why do you care exactly?"

"B-because your my friend and his my friend too and I don't know! It just feels like something happened between you two and neither of you said anything to me!"

Pfft yeah right! Sounds like jealousy too me but you didn't say that because you didn't want to make a Chole pop a vein.

"Okay that's true but that doesn't explain why Lana is here because last time I checked we aren't friends." I saying turning my attention to the really quiet girl she looked at me embarrassed.

"I was also a bit curious" you let out an annoyed groan okay if this Is how they want to play it, so be it your fair game.

"I wish you guys would be more honest, ya know seeing as your always giving Clark shit about honesty."

"What are you talking about?"

"Seriously Lana? Me and you have never ever been friends we are decent towards each other but that's about it. So tell me the real reason of why you and Chloe decide to gang up on me?" She frowns starting to get defensive.

"Nobody's gagging up on you! We just want to know what was going on with you and Clark that's it!"

"What's happens between me and Clark is none of your damn business!"

"Clark is my friend Y/n!"

"Ha yeah and that's all he's ever going to be to you right?"

"What's that supposed too mean?"

"You know what I mean." You stare her down causing her to look anywhere but your pierced gaze.

"I-i'm just worried about him!"

"Worried about him? All because he's hanging out with another female?"

"But your not just another female your..." She stops herself looking at Chole who let's out a sigh.

"Y/n just forget it."

"Hell no! Let her finish what she got to say, I'm what?"

"Your different! He acts different around you and I don't like it!" And there it. Lana Lang finally admits that she is jealous of Clark Kent with another girl this would be funny if you weren't so pissed off.

"Seriously you two just wasted my whole day with this bullshit!"

"You don't understand how we feel Clark always keeps secrets and doesn't trust us even though we're his friends but you come along and all of a sudden-"

"Honestly Chloe you have no room to talk cuz you give Clark so many reasons to why he cannot trust you with any of his secrets! You call yourself his friend but then you're so obsessed with knowing everything about everyone for your wall or weird or for your story that you forget about boundaries especially when it comes to your friends!" That shut her up but she still looked pissed than you turned too Lana.

"For your information Clark and I have gotten closer because I've had some issues at home. If it was something more than that I'm pretty sure Chloe would have been the first one to know and then she'd tell you seeing as you both have a crush on the poor farm boy." They both looked at you shocked and horrified.

"Oh don't act so damn shocked girls if Clark was dating me, you both won't have to force yourself to be around each other."

"I hardly doubt we'd have to worry." Lana says arms crossed.

"Oh? Why don't you elaborate on that for me Lang." You glared her down waiting for her to say something but Chole beat her too it.

"Your not his type! There that's what you wanted to hear right? You aren't Clark's type he'd never go out with somebody like you!" Chole yells out causing me and Lana to look at her shocked.

"Wow... just wow." I get up closing my eyes clenching my fist you could feel your magic wanting to be let out, if you didn't get out of here soon you were going to lose control and you couldn't risk hurting either of the two idiotic girls.

"Y/n wait that's not what I meant!" Chole gets up trying to reach out for you but you step back away from her hands shaking you were about to burst.

"Oh no I think that's exactly what you meant Chloe. You meant that from the bottom of your heart." Just as you were about to snap on the blonde you feel someone hand on your shoulder you turn to see Clark with a frown on his face.

"C-clark what are you doing here?"

He just ignored Lana's question walking to grab my bag gently grabbing hold of my hand walking towards the door.

"Clark wait please you have to understand!" Lana yells out but Clark just glares at her which stops her in her tracks.

"I understand your just looking out for me. But me and Y/n relationship has nothing to do with either of you. From now on stay away from us!" He yells at the two slamming the door on his way out once we walk behind the alley away from prying eyes he picks me up bridal style and starts running to his house.

Once at farm he sat me down gently sitting me on his bed I was quiet the whole time so he brought me soome tea and some cookies sitting next to me.

"Are you okay?" I nod but honestly felt angry and slightly embarrassed.

"Did you hear that whole conversation?"

"Only the middle part. Y/n what happened?"

"Oh you know just girls being girls. Having a bit of a disagreement with each other." He sighs grabbing my hand in his.

"I thought we both agreed to be honest with each other when we both were feeling down?" You let out a sigh putting down the tea looking at him.

"They claim that you've been acting different since me and you have been close."

"Meaning?"

"They think that we're in a relationship Clark." He looks at you cheeks turning red he looks away letting out a cough before turning back to you still red faced.

"Oh...um what makes them think that?"

"They admitted that they didn't like the fact that you were more open with me and rather spend the whole day together...then there's the locker incident."

"Locker incident?"

"This morning by the lockers? Chole claims that we were flirting." He stares at you looking confused.

"You mean...we weren't?" I turned my head at him so face I nearly broke my neck.

"What? No of course not!"

"Well you are a bit flirty."

"Clark Kent what makes you say that!"

"Okay um don't get mad but you do like sitting on my lap like a lot."

"Your lap is comfy!"

"You always play with my hair and force me to lay my head on your lap."

"Your hair is soft and it calms me down when I'm anxious sue me why don't ya!

"Kissing all over my face? Which I don't mind but it's hard to remove black lipstick and my parents always tease me about it." I stare at him flabbergasted standing up hands on my hips than turning to glare at him.

"Well how about you huh?" He looked dumbfounded.

"What about me?"

"Grabbing my hip? Holding my hand when we walk? Asking me to hang out after school!"

"T-that's what friends do Y/n!"

"Ha friends my ass! I've never seen you do that to Chole!"

"That's different I think of Chole like a sister!"

"Uh huh whatever you say Farmboy!"

"Stop calling me that!" He gets up towering over me I didn't back down through crossing my arms looking up at his blue eyes.

"What are you going to do about it FARMBOY?"

We were so close to each other it almost looked like we were going to kiss he kept glancing at my lips which caused me to scoff.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Are you going to kiss me or just stare at my lips all day Farmboy?" I lean in his face close to lightly touch his lips with mine to tease him.

He glares at me than grabs my face and kisses me fully on the lips I let out surprise gasp but quickly melt into the kiss pulling him closer his lips were so soft did I mention I had to stand on my tippy toes just to kiss him? I don't know how long we kissed but I know for one thing I needed to breathe! So you push him back a bit with all your strength which you had to use a bit of your magic cause damn this boy was strong and clearly had to be reminded that we both needed to breath!

"This... doesn't change a thing! We are just friends!"

"Yeah...."

"...."

"....."

"....fuck it"

I grab his face kiss him on the lips he pulls me closer his hands on my hips picking me up, sitting me on his desk than starts to kiss down my neck causing me to lout a small moan, grabbing on to his shirt trying to rip it off his body while his hands grab at my ass giving a harsh squeeze.

so much for just being friends huh?

Honestly this is just something random that I thought okay

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 38

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 2104

Warnings: Swearing, insinuation of sex

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Chapter Songs: Exile The Last Time

****

Ghost

When Ghost finally returned to her own apartment later in the day, she ended up going back to Hangman's with a bag of stuff and stayed overnight.

And the next night.

And the night after that.

This happened for the next couple of weeks, but she hardly minded. Ghost had missed having Hangman around, to be able to tell him immediately when something funny happened or when she just needed to be around him because his presence calmed her frayed nerves. They played guitar and sang songs together, and posted them on her Instagram account. Only Jules, Jackie, and Wolfie recognized the new companion in the blurred videos as Hangman, and all of them texted Ghost demanding answers about her new relationship with the Texan aviator. Ghost realized that she and Jake had probably confused their friends and family by covering Taylor Swift's 'Exile' and 'The Last Time,' which weren't exactly happy love songs.

Ghost continued to shield herself from the outside world, ignoring her mom's phone calls and only texting Charlie to declare that she needed space. This was a partial truth. The other truth was that Ghost ached to detach from the chaos around her and spend her days with Hangman in his cozy apartment, relishing the bubble of peace and happiness he brought her before confronting her next challenge.

"What are the plans for tomorrow?" Hangman asked while he and Ghost scrubbed the dishes from dinner. "Should we go for a drive? Head to the beach? Maybe we could visit Princess and-"

"Oh, speaking of Juliette," Ghost remarked, glancing at the buzzing phone on the counter beside her. She answered it and put it on speaker, letting her friend know as such.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Jules's chipper voice sounded forced, causing the two pilots to share a concerned glance.

"I'm good. How are you? You sound like something's wrong," Ghost replied casually in hopes her gut instinct turned out to be incorrect.

"Honestly, I've had better days. Can I ask you a huge favor?"

Hangman turned off the faucet and braced himself on the counter to hear better while Ghost said without hesitation, "Of course. What's going on?"

"Rooster and I are going to head to the hospital after we return home with the dogs because my blood pressure spiked and won't come down. Would you and/or Hangman be able to watch Raptor and Lightning for a few days until we return?"

"Absolutely. We'll finish the dishes, pack our bags, and head over."

"You're both saints. Rooster and I will drop off the keys to the house on the way to the hospital. Also, we have a ton of food, so help yourselves to anything you'd like while we're gone."

"Sounds good. We'll see you in a bit."

Ghost hung up and chewed her lip, mind racing over Juliette's health. Hangman slipped an arm around her waist and kissed the side of her head, saying, "I'll finish up here. You go pack."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, besides—" he nipped her lip playfully— "you have more to pack than I do."

"Yeah, because I don't immediately look like a god rolling out of bed like someone I know."

"That's because you look like Heaven, which I would argue is ultimately more beautiful than a god."

"You really need to get your eyesight checked if you think I look like Heaven in the morning." Ghost patted his cheek and started walking off, but Hangman grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, pinning her against the counter. His green eyes pierced hers, devouring her soul and breath. He leaned next to her ear, kissed the sensitive spot below it, and whispered huskily, "You look and taste like Heaven to me."

They had somewhere to be, things to do, and Juliette to worry about, but feeling every inch of Hangman against her body, despite having felt him as such every single night since they reconciled, Ghost's mind could focus on one thing, and one thing only.

"Fuck," she breathed before dragging her hand into his hair to pull his head back just enough so she could crash her lips onto his. Hangman reacted instantly. His hands slid down to the backs of her thighs and effortlessly lifted her onto his counter. Ghost had always been curvy and self-conscious of her weight, and she had never had that perfect body like the models and actresses in magazines and Hollywood, but the man before her made all of that doubt disappear.

The doorbell rang, and Ghost groaned in annoyance at the interruption. "Oh, fuck me."

"Ignore it, and I will," Hangman replied between kisses to her chest. Deciding his idea better than answering the door, she obliged and continued the makeout session with her man, knowing it would inevitably lead to more until-

"Hangman? Is Ghost with you?" The voice shattered the passion between the two aviators as Ghost stilled, her eyes locking with Hangman's.

"What's Maverick doing here?" she whispered.

"I don't know," he said, and judging by the crease between his brows, Ghost determined he meant it. "He won't leave until we answer, though. If you don't want to face him-"

"I'm going to have to at some point. I'd rather have support when I do."

"Then let's continue this later." Hangman gently pulled Ghost off the counter, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. Kissing Hangman once more, she tore herself away from him and, plastering on an expression that feigned indifference, opened the door. 

"Hey, Maverick," Ghost greeted. Her voice came out steadier than she expected but also quieter, exposing her true feelings about the situation at hand.

Relief flashed in his misty green eyes. "Hey, Ghost. I, uh... your mom called me. Said you weren't talking to her and wanted me to check on you. Make sure you're alive."

"Honestly, I'm surprised she didn't ask you sooner," Ghost admitted shyly, moving aside. "Would you like to come in?"

Maverick hesitated, then stepped inside, taking in the scene before him: Ghost's shoes next to Hangman's, her jacket hanging on the hook beside his, and Hangman himself still standing behind the kitchen counter where Ghost had left him. She wondered why he remained there but quickly deducted after their brief but intense makeout session that he probably had a particular reason for staying there lest Maverick figure out what activity they'd been engaging in before he arrived.

"Hey, Pops," Hangman said casually, shifting back to the sink and scrubbing the remaining dishes and pans. 

Maverick nodded in acknowledgment. "Hangman. I'm assuming you know about-"

"That my girlfriend is your daughter?" 

A small thrill bubbled in Ghost's chest at the sound of her title to Hangman. She'd been wondering what they were now that they'd crossed that line with each other, had wanted to assume they were dating, but hadn't been able to bring herself to ask the question even after all these years in fear she'd find herself dreaming up false fantasies.

Maverick's head cocked. "You two are dating now? Since when?"

"It only just happened," Ghost said with a shrug, regaining her ability to speak. "Uh, we have to pack, but if you'd like to continue talking, you're welcome to."

"Are you up to it?"

"I don't think I ever will be, so no time like the present. Come on." Ghost motioned for Maverick to follow her, and Hangman said he'd join them shortly. Ghost shot him a knowing grin, which he flipped her off in response when Maverick wasn't looking. Having Jake here, even if they weren't in the same room, brought Ghost a tremendous amount of comfort. 

When they reached the master bedroom, Ghost pulled out her duffel bag from under the bed and began grabbing her clothes from the closet and dresser drawers. An incredibly awkward silence fell over the Captain and Lieutenant, both trying to formulate some sentence to break the tension between them until finally, Ghost quietly asked, "How long have you known?"

"I received confirmation about it around the same time you did, but I'd started suspecting it before then. Your flying in the air reminded me a lot of myself when I was your age, not to mention your age aligned with when your mom and I met in California the second time. When did you-"

"Started wondering the night you found me on the beach. Some of the things you said made me question things, so I had Jackie help me with the investigation."

Maverick sat in the chair in the corner of the room, his eyes swirling with so many emotions that Ghost couldn't determine a single one. And, rather than have the awkward silence envelop them again, Ghost did what she did best in such situations. She rambled. "Outside of you and obviously my mom, no one else knows about my newfound heritage except my sister and Hangman. I'll tell Jules and Rooster at some point, but maybe after she gets out of the hospital."

Maverick stiffened. "Juliette's in the hospital?"

"They're heading there tonight. Depending on how long you stay, you might see them. They're dropping off the keys to their place so Jake and I can watch the dogs." Ghost swallowed the slight pang of jealousy at the relationship between her best friend and her father. She had no right to feel such a thing. Ghost had no idea who Maverick was to her until recently and had had an amazing dad growing up, whereas he'd been like a second father to Juliette since she was a toddler. They would always have a bond that Ghost doubted she'd ever have with him. Still, she wanted one like it. It's not like he had ignored her all these years. Maverick hadn't known about her. Then Ghost realized something, and the question burst from her before she could stop it. "What would you have done? If you'd known about me sooner?"

The Captain hesitated, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly. Ghost regretted asking the question despite being unable to stop it from escaping her lips, but Hangman—whether he knew of his impeccable timing or not—entered the room and said, "Bradshaw and Princess just got home and are packing some stuff before swinging by. They should be here soon."

"Oh, good. I should be done shortly, so we can leave after they do, if not at the same time as them," Ghost replied nonchalantly, praying to whatever gods existed that Hangman wouldn't notice the tears rimming her eyes. If he did, he mercifully refrained from pointing them out. Still, Ghost had to get out of the room, if not simply to catch her breath and steady her racing heart. "I'll be right back. I left my phone in the kitchen."

It was a blatant lie, but Ghost could pass it off as forgetting that she'd put it in her pocket earlier. Enough had happened in the past few minutes to warrant the memory loss of such an insignificant event.

Deep breaths, Annalise. Deep breaths... She repeated the mantra in her head while she walked purposefully to the kitchen, only to sag against the kitchen bar once she rounded the corner and out of sight from Hangman and Maverick, unwilling to let either man see how horribly the whole situation affected her. Ghost hated showing weakness. It was one thing in front of Hangman. At least, now it was. But Maverick... she could see him struggling himself, but Ghost wouldn't let him pity her or, even worse, act on that pity.

Get it together. Stop crying and get your shit together. Juliette and Rooster need you, and the last thing you want to do is make them worry about you again when they should be focused on Juliette's health. Ghost furiously wiped the tears from her cheeks and huffed an annoyed sigh at herself. Easier to be mad at herself than sad. 

After checking her reflection in her phone's camera to ensure any evidence of her mild breakdown was erased, she went to the front door, where her backpack lay nearby.

Ghost had just started bending down when the door flew open. She barely jumped back in time to avoid being struck in the head, but not the calloused hand that firmly grasped her elbow and yanked her to him.

Ghost let out a short scream before the man clapped a hand over her mouth and snarled, "Shut up. This is what you get for not talking to me when I asked."

Ghost's blood ran cold at the words and at the man she now recognized before her.

Kyle.

****

Tags: @lgg5989 @shanimallina87 @polikszena @summ3rlotus @icemansgirl1999 @supernaturaldawning @thedarkinmansfield @lyannaforpresident @lapilark @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @simpofthecentury @shadeops21 @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @double-j @bradshawsandbridgetons @catsandgeekyandnerd @peachiicherries @multifandomcnova @fandomsstolemylife00 @bookloverhorses @mak-32 @midnightmagpiemama @luckyladycreator2 @ellamae021 @kmc1989 @atarmychick007 @rotating-obsessions

Chapters: Chp 1 Chp 2 Chp 3 Chp 4 Chp 5 Chp 6 Chp 7 Chp 8 Chp 9 Chp 10 Chp 11 Chp 12 Chp 13 Chp 14 Chp 15 Chp 16 Chp 17 Chp 18 Chp 19 Chp 20 Chp 21 Chp 22 Chp 23Chp 24 Chp 25 Chp 26 Chp 27 Chp 28 Chp 29 Chp 30 Chp 31 Chp 32 Chp 33 Chp 34 Chp 35 Chp 36 Chp 37 Chp 38

If you're not on the tag list and want to be, just let me know :)

[rogueofsoup]

Please tell me you have an ao3

I do in fact have an AO3, but this is not on it and I've only got old stuff that is now hideously cringe to me as I have improved as a writer.

I am in fact planning on moving Homework on The Moon to AO3 soon (due to my phone lagging from the length of the post lol, I'm sure y'all might be having problems with that too). I'll be taking a month or two off after chapter 6 (or 7 depending on lagging) to write outlines for later chapters and edit parts I don't like in earlier chapters (maybe fill some out a bit idk), which should help with the reread factor if you want more content before my next post!

I will be updating one chapter every Sunday after I move to AO3, two if I'm particularly inspired or missed a week.

Thank you everyone for all your support regarding this fic, it's really reignited my desire to write!! I love you all, and I'm really excited to get to the points where everything goes wrong! I don't currently know how that's gonna happen, but it's gonna happen! Maybe all at once, maybe in chunks, maybe a secret third option! I don't know! I'm just as excited to see the new chapter as you guys are! I need more feral Clockwork and I need to see Ellie bite Batman as the Ghost Princess!

Anyways, see you next week for chapter 6! (If I mischaracterize someone please tell me the most I know about DC characters is from Justice League, Justice League Unlimited, Wayne Family Adventures, Tumblr, and fanfiction. I also haven't watched Danny Phantom in years and most of what I've got is from fanfiction and wiki pages.)

[starry-knight-coffins]

Kni's silly lil 6 month anniversary for "Leona Crossing" event!!!!

Phew, that's a long title

Hi!!! Hello!!! Recently my current (very long) fic, Leona crossing: new Shroud horizons, reached its 6th month anniversary!!! It did this month on the 23rd, in fact! I posted it for the first time on September 23rd of last year, so... Yay! Half anniversary event!!! I think!!! I'm gonna blab a little bit more under the cut hehe, including the event details👍✌️

So.

Welcome to the rest of this post, glad to have you here! Writing is my passion, but before I started writing Leona crossing, I was in a huge rut. An endless writer's block. I had a bit of a tumble (or perhaps a hard fall) during the end of 2021, which lead me to writing nearly nothing in 2022... This lead to the deterioration and dust collecting of my writing skills. I discovered twisted wonderland in 2022, and eventually found leoide and fell in love. I joked lightly back then, asking if I should write fanfiction. Someone said "why not?". Then I really sat there. Thought about it. Why not? I threw a few ideas around, sat down, and wrote the first chapter of Leona crossing soon after. I thank my barrel comrade and beta for supporting me through this sudden change in writing from my oc works to straight up fanfiction lol. So, tada, Leona crossing was born, and slowly but surely I got out of my rut. And I'm writing again. I'm really proud. This is half a celebration of Leona crossing, but also half a celebration that I've been writing for 6 months without hesitation and without anything to stop me again. It's a really nice feeling, I'm really happy I took that scary leap of faith and started writing my first ever fanfiction, it had lead to plenty of wonderful things!

Anyway, that's enough about me. Here's some event details

Event stuff yeah!

It's not anything super big lol.

Basically, it's just a small ask event. Go to my ask box, send me and ask! It can be like, a comment or a question, either or, anything works. The only requirement is that your ask is related to Leona crossing, leoide, or Savanaclaw and Ignihyde (plus cheka and family if you so choose lol). If you ask me about anything else I might start weeping at your feet. Also, please mention that your ask is related to this event!! Why??

I'm holding a raffle!!!

Yes, a raffle!! Send me an ask and you could be the winner of a ~1k leoide drabble of YOUR choice! Isn't that cool or what?! Idk, it's all I had for silly raffle ideas.

Raffle details

Send ask!

If not in anon, your name gets put into a raffle!

You make a Kni happy

Profit (?)

That's basically it yeah. You can send multiple asks, but your name will only be counted once. I don't want to do that kind of math, math is hard. Please also have your DMs open so I can message you if you win as well??? Lol???

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this far! This little event means a lot to me, and I'm very thankful for each and every one of you for the nice little support during my writing journey! It has been a leoide blast for sure lol, I haven't written this much in a long, long time.

I'm gonna open this event from now until Friday of next week (May 5th), then I'll do the random drawing over the weekend lol.

Have a good day/night y'all!! I hope you'll keep cheering me on as I continue my leoide delusions in the future!!!

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

(Vi)vianne Marie Zephyr (1/2)

----

Here’s a list of things that Vivianne Marie Zephyr knew.

One, she was twelve years old.

Two, twelve-year-olds should not be trusted to make their own decisions.

Three, twelve-year-olds didn’t know anything about themselves or the world. (at least, according to her extended family they didn't.)

Four, Vivianne is not a girl.

----

| Ao3 | Next -> |

Warnings:

Virgil gets deadnamed, mostly by himself but also by people who don't know he's trans.

Pairings: Virgil & Remus

Word Count: 5535

Notes:

This fic is basically exploring Virgil's story more or less up to the point of 'Mine is a World of Rooftops and Love Songs', the first chapter especially focuses on him discovering that he's trans. Because of this there's a lot of deadnaming/using the wrong pronouns for him at the start because he's learning.

This is also written from the perspective of a twelve-year-old learning about the idea of being trans for the first time, so obviously he's not going to get the terms exactly right, etc.

I'd also like to note that I myself am not trans, so I'll apologise now if anything here is inaccurate, feel free to correct me if the need arises.

----

Disclaimer over, this fic is a precursor to 'Mine is a World of Rooftops and Love Songs', the fic I wrote for New Years exploring Virgil's backstory. This one will(should) have two parts!

I'm hoping to write a similar 'backstory' fic for every side before moving onto oneshots in the 'present day'

I've decided to name this AU Forests and Rooftops, (at least for now, I might change it if I come up with something better lol)

I'll be tagging fics from this au with 'Rowan's F&R verse' on Tumblr, and they'll all be collected in a series on Ao3 :D

Happy reading!

(and apologies for such a long note

----

Here’s a list of things that Vivianne Marie Zephyr knew.

One, she was twelve years old.

Two, twelve year olds should not be trusted to make their own decisions.

Three, twelve year olds didn’t know anything about themselves or the world. (at least, according to her extended family they didn't.)

Four, Vivianne is not a girl.

Now Vivianne knows very well that she has girl parts and long hair and because of that everyone seems to think it’s ok to pester her-

Actually, if she’s not a girl, surely she shouldn’t use girl words to refer to herself, like those pesky ‘she’ pronouns that made her feel all icky and gross whenever anyone talked to her.

Maybe she should try ‘he’ instead. That’s what all the boys used. Now she- no, he - wasn’t sure if he - ok no stop that thought, the ‘he’ actually made her- him? Feel really good, all warm and fuzzy inside. 

Ok, well that’s the first step. Vivianne was a ‘he’ not a she.

Obviously this revelation didn’t come immediately or all of a sudden. 

She- he - had always hated it when her- his! ( Why was this so hard? It was what he wanted for gods sake!) parents called him a girl, especially hated it when they called him their little princess, or tried to style his hair or make him wear a dress for some fancy occasion. Couldn’t they see that he wasn’t a girl? Weren’t parents supposed to know that kind of stuff?

Oh well. Vivianne thought as he was going into his seventh grade homeroom for the first time after a summer moping by himself in his room doing nothing as usual. Maybe his parents just didn’t realise. Maybe he should tell them, but- uh- later. Once he’d figured out everything himself first. 

Because at the moment, though he had concluded that he liked ‘he’ much, much better than ‘she’. Vivianne was still only twelve years old, and he still had a lot to learn.

—-

It took almost a week for Vivianne to get used to referring to himself with the different pronouns in his head but he was pretty sure he’d gotten it down by now. Despite that, though, he still didn’t tell anyone. He was pretty sure the other kids in his class would laugh at him, and he didn’t really have any friends he could talk to about it either. So for now, he decided he’d just do his own research. (Oh, he really really liked he pronouns).

So, that weekend, Vivianne walked to the local library, wearing the biggest and cozyist hoodie he owned (both for comfort and anonymity, even at only twelve years old, Vivianne knew that gossip at their school spread like wildfire and he didn’t want to be called a nerd on top of everything else). At the library he sat himself down at one of the old computers, pulled an empty notebook out of his bag as well as a few pens and started researching. 

Now it might be weird that he did his research in the public library instead of within the safe confines of his own home, but he wasn’t quite sure about what adults would think about him not being a girl yet, especially not his parents. His parents were the last people he wanted to know about this right now, not when he wasn’t sure. 

His researching took up a lot of the cool Saturday afternoon. He learned about a lot of new terms and ideas, things like ‘trans’ and ‘nonbinary’. He discovered that he wasn’t weird for not feeling like a girl and he definitely wasn’t the only one. He learned that there were also girls who had originally been boys, and people who didn’t feel like either. He discovered that there were people who sat at every point inbetween and even some people who didn’t fit on the spectrum at all. 

There were so many more pronouns out there too, more than just ‘he’ and ‘she’. There was ‘they’, for starters, and then whole anthologies of other sets that he’d never even heard of. (He was a little intimidated by how large the list of neo-pronouns he found was, so he just wrote down the term and underlined it a few times in red, hoping it would remind him to come back to it later). He tried out ‘they’ pronouns on himself for now, by whispering them under his breath. They didn’t give him the same fuzzy feeling as ‘he’ did, but it still felt considerably better than the thought of ‘she’ so he would accept it. 

The research session had been groundbreaking and he walked home swinging his arms back and forth, happy with the pages he’d filled up with notes.

—

“Vivianne?”

A few weeks later, when someone called him by his name he found himself so overcome with revulsion at the thought of that name belonging to him that he almost didn’t even respond to the teacher who had called on him. Because of the shock, he had muddled up the words he had been trying to say in response to her question and ended up being laughed at by most of the class. He shrank back into his seat, mumbling the last of his answer so quietly that the person sat beside him had to repeat it for the teacher. 

So, Vivianne didn’t like that name. Which, now that he thought about it, actually featured in his research a little. He remembered a section about how trans people (which he had concluded was what he probably was) as well as other’s who didn’t identify with their birth gender quite often chose new names. 

Now that he considered it, he hadn’t always been as comfortable with the name his parents had given him as he had thought. It was a nice name, objectively, it would have been a lovely name if he had actually been a girl and he was sure he would’ve loved it in that case. But… well he wasn’t a girl, he was aware of that much by now, so obviously ‘Vivianne’ didn’t fit. 

For a few days, he tried referring to himself as ‘Viv’ instead. It was just a short version of ‘Vivianne’ and his parents called him that sometimes anyway, a nickname at best and it still felt pretty feminine. After that it was shortened just a little more to ‘Vi’.

‘Vi’ stuck for much longer than Viv had. He’d managed to co-erce his parents into calling him Vi as a new nickname and it felt good, much better than Vivianne, or even Viv. He liked the ‘V’ sound. For some reason there still felt like something was missing. Vi wasn’t his . Not in the way he thought a name should be. But it was good, better than Viv and definitely better than Vivianne. He liked it, even if it wasn’t perfect, he could search for something better later and use Vi for now. Until he found his name. 

—-

About three quarters of the way through seventh grade, Vi cut his hair. 

It had been in the spur of the moment and he regretted it immediately. Regretted it so much it almost brought him out of his current mental breakdown and into another one.

He had an awful day at school. The teachers kept picking on him to answer questions even though he could hardly ever find words to speak normally in school nowadays. At lunch a group of older girls had been picking on him for hiding himself away in the corner and he’d ended up going to the nurse with a scraped up knee where he fell trying to get away. His favourite hoodie had ended up getting covered in dirt and mud where he fallen. And then of course he’d had to go back to class, where everyone had laughed at him for not being able to answer a question he was picked on for because he just couldn’t force himself to speak.

During the walk home he’d worked himself up into a panic, thoughts spinning round and round his head and everything was just so much bigger and brighter than it usually was. 

“Hey Vi!” His mother called from somewhere inside the house when he opened the door, “How was school, sweetheart?”

Vi didn’t answer, instead he burst into tears right there on the spot, unable to hold it in anymore. He choked back a sob and ran for the stairs, slamming his door and collapsing on the bed. He couldn’t breath, no matter how tight he curled himself he couldn’t get himself to take even breaths through the sobs. 

And then he looked up, and though the tears he saw his reflection in the mirror. 

He saw his long black hair, hair that fell in thick waves down his back. Now pooled around his tiny curled up form like a shawl. It made him sick. Every time he looked in a mirror, every time he saw his reflection, every time someone called him a girl .

Before he could think, Vi was standing again on shaky legs. He stood in front of the mirror, looking into his own wide blue eyes, his pale skin, his hair that fell over his shoulders. He looked like a girl. It made him so angry. 

In one swoop, he grabbed the scissors from his desk and cut off the chunk that hung over his shoulder.

‘Her hair looks so beautiful!’

‘Such pretty hair for a beautiful little girl’

‘I would kill for hair like hers’

‘I would love to braid her hair…’

With each thought came another chunk, everything people would say to him, every comment about how lovely his hair was and how he should never cut it, until there was hardly anything left to cut. His hair made him a girl, and now it was gone. It felt almost a little like he’d cut away a part of himself. He felt lighter, almost, relieved, maybe. 

And then he realised what a mistake he had made.

He stood in his room, finally calmer than before, but his floor was covered in hair, his hand holding the scissors was still shaking and all he could think was that his mum was going to kill him for this.

It looked horrific. He had cut some bits far too short and now they stuck out from his head, his bangs were now the only part of his hair that looked presentable, being the only part he didn’t touch. The rest of his hair made him look a little like he’d been mauled. 

Some parts were cut so short he could see his scalp.

Cutting his hair hadn’t made him look like a boy. It had just made him look stupid, he would be a laughing stock. 

He didn’t know what to do. So for a long while he just stood there, staring at his own reflection as silent tears dripped down his face. What the hell would happen now? What would his parents say when they found out? He’d get in so much trouble, and then- school was a whole other issue.

If he was already being bullied for barely speaking and altogether being skinny and small for his age, Vi would be bullied tenfold for this, he’d have the whole school after him, if his parents didn’t murder him first.

Speak of the devil, someone knocked on the door.

“Vi… honey? Are you in there?” His mother called through the door, “I heard you crying before, may I come in?”

“N-no-!” Virgil said as loud as he could, it was still barely an inside voice, “Please- don’t.”

“Alright,” She said, “I won’t come in, but… if you’re up for talking you can come to the door?”

Vi sniffed, before taking a deep breath that ended up choked by a sob. In the end he was able to step over the hair and sit down with his back to the bedroom door.

“I- I’m here,” Virgil said, resting his chin on his knees and trying to wipe some of the tears from his face. He could hear shifting on the other side of the door. His mum must be sitting down as well.

“Good,” She said, her voice quiet, “Now, are you ok?”

“No,” Vi said miserably, he wasn’t ok, he really wasn’t. Not right now. He knew by now that keeping his feelings a secret was no way to deal with them, this kind of conversation- with the bedroom door between them- had been happening since Vi had his own room in the house. There was no point keeping his feelings from her anyway, she could always tell, somehow, even if he didn’t tell her. 

“Can you tell me what you’re feeling?” She asked, Vi squeezed his knees tighter to his chest.

“Upset, angry,” He mumbled.

“Can you tell me why?”

“School,” Vi answered, “Mostly- teachers keep calling me and- I can’t say the answer even though I know it a-and everyone laughs at me-”

“Oh sweetheart-” His mom paused, “Why are you angry?”

“At- at myself, mostly,” He almost whispered, “I… did something stupid.”

There was a long pause before his mother spoke. 

“Can you tell me what you did, sweetheart?”

“I don’t- I don’t wanna,” He mumbled, “You’re- gonna be mad…”

“I won’t,” she said, “I promise you, whatever has happened I won’t be mad at you,”

“You promise?” He asked, he was still certain she’d be angry, one of his hands had come to clutch at the uneven strands of hair that jutted out from his head at odd angles now, she had always loved his hair.

“I promise,” She told him, her voice firm and reassuring. Vi still didn’t believe her, but she would find out at one point or another anyway. So he stood up, took a step back and opened the door. 

She gasped when she saw him, hand flying to cover her mouth and eyes wide in shock. 

Vi looked away, “I told you you’d be mad,” 

“Oh honey I- I’m not mad,” She said, taking a deep breath, “Just- shocked! What happened?”

“I… I just got so angry- with- with myself and with everyone else and- I did it before I even realised what I was doing…” He said after a few deep breaths, looking away as he spoke so she wouldn’t see the tears welling up in his eyes again.

“Oh, darling that’s ok,” She said, crouching down to look up at him, “What were you so angry about?”

“Just- just the way everyone talks- and- how my hair looks so girlish and makes everyone say stupid stuff about how pretty it makes me a- and I don’t like it- so- so I just-” Vi cut off, he hadn’t meant to say that, he was trying to keep all this boy stuff a secret until he was sure about it-

“You don’t like being pretty?” His mother asked, Vi shook his head.

“No- it’s- it’s not about being pretty,” He sniffed, wiping away more tears, “It’s- it’s um, it’s that pretty is a girl thing…”

His voice was barely audible now, but she heard him and smiled fondly.

“So you don’t like girl things?” She asked. Vi nodded, hand fisting in the hem of his sweater, “Any reason why?”

“They- they make me feel uncomfortable, all icky and gross, like I’m sick,” He mumbled, oh well, he was deep enough into it now, “Cuz I’m not a girl,”

“I see,” She nodded, “If you’re not a girl, then what are you?”

“A boy,” He said, before pausing, “I think- I um- I didn’t want to tell you until I was sure… but…”

“I understand,” She nodded, before tapping his head lightly, “Now, we can fix this.”

“We can?” He asked, “Wait- you’re- you’re ok? With me not being a girl?”

“Of course we can,” She nodded, “We might need to wait for it to grow out a little bit, but we can take you to a hairdresser who can cut it however you’d like, ok? And- of course I’m ok with it! What sort of mother would I be if I stopped caring for you because you’re not a girl?”

Vi sighed in relief, slumping forwards and hugging her around the middle, she returned the gesture, squeezing him tight. 

“Now, lets clean up this mess together and you can tell me all about not being a girl, okay?” 

—-

The next day, Vi wore a beanie to school to cover up the absolute mess that was his hair. 

He’d left his bangs out, and actually he quite liked how it ended up looking. He didn’t look as much like a girl with the beanie, and that felt… really nice.

It was weird, not having all of his hair anymore. It was weirdly relieving, even if he was absolutely terrified all day that someone would ask him a question or a teacher would ask him to remove the beanie. Or worse, that someone would take it off by force.

Which, of course, because Vi can never have a nice day, is what happened at lunch. 

He was cornered by the bullies again. They were taunting him about his new lack of hair and had backed him against the wall. One of them had reached forward and snatched the beanie whilst he wasn’t looking at her and all four of the girls had gone silent before bursting out into peals of laughter. Vi had ran, trying to hold back tears until he’d gotten somewhere away from people. He’d ended up hiding himself away behind the bushes surrounding the old bike shed- it was usually quiet at this end of the school and he hoped no-one had followed him as he sank to the ground and tried to fight back tears. 

“Hey!” Someone called, followed by the sound of said person forcing their way through the bushes despite there being a path just on the other side. Vi’s head snapped up to look at them and they grinned when he met their eyes, “Hey! I got your beanie back!”

Vi blinked slowly, he’d never seen this kid before, so they must not be in the same classes even though they looked the same age. He had a white streak in the front of his dark brown hair, which was cool. Bright green eyes and a curly mustache that looked to be drawn onto his face with marker. He was holding Vi’s beanie, just like he’d said, and was still grinning ear to ear. 

“Oh right, you don’t talk much, do you?” He said, “I heard rumours, but anyway, here,”

He came over and held out the beanie. Vi hesitated, before reaching out to take it. The stranger grinned, before turning and slumping down next to him with a thud, making Vi jump.

“So! What’s the story with the hair?” He asked, leaning forward, “Oh, wait, what’s your name? I’m Remus!”

Vi made a quiet noise, trying to collect his thoughts. Should he tell Remus his name? He should tell him his real name, right? But then Remus would call him that- but then what if he changed Vi and then- well, Remus probably wouldn’t stick around long enough for that anyway, so… maybe it didn’t matter what he said, or, didn’t say because no matter how hard he tried, the words ‘I’m Vi’ wouldn’t make their way out of his mouth. He huffed, before reaching for his bag and grabbing a notepad and opening it to the front page. He turned it to face Remus and tapped the inside front cover, on which he’d written ‘Vi’s Research Notebook’. 

“He speaks! Speaks through the book, at least!” Remus cheered and Virgil was immediately stunned by the use of ‘he’ because to everyone else he was a girl, being called ‘he’ by someone else felt almost like a metaphorical punch to the gut, but… in a good way? “Um- why’re you looking at me like that?”

Vi shrugged uselessly, though he couldn’t seem to get that astounded expression off of his face.

“Was it cuz I called you ‘he’? Cuz that’s just what I thought you were- I couldn’t really tell by looking at you-” 

Virgil cut him off by shaking his head, frantically tapping the book where, underneath his name he had written down ‘He/him’. Well, at least this book was coming in useful now. 

“Oh great! Me too!” Remus grinned, “Wait then why were you looking at me weird?”

Vi paused, taking a deep breath before flicking to the back of the book and grabbing a pen, writing quickly: ‘Most people think I’m a girl, that’s why I cut my hair.’

“Oooooh!” Remus nodded after leaning forward to read the words, and Vi was once again stunned, because… that was ok? “Well you did a real shoddy job but I respect the effort! So, Vi, what’s school really like? I’m new see and I’ve just gotten out of doing tours and stuff with my stupid brother cuz for some reason they thought it’d be best to leave me with someone I knew even though my brother’s a donkey.”

Vi couldn’t help but let out a soundless laugh, something he tried not to do in school- mainly because people would prod at him for it. He hated questions from them most of all. He grabbed his pen again and wrote down ‘Why’d you join late?’ on the line below the previous statement. This was actually a pretty good way to communicate with someone who was actually willing to wait a second for his answers. Maybe he should talk to his parents about it. 

“Oh ‘cuz a few years ago I skipped a grade but like all this year I’ve been in hospital so they put me back where I was supposed to be cuz I missed most of this year.”

He hummed, nodding along while he fidgeted with some grass, before flicking through the book and opening it to a double page on which he had written down things he’d noticed about the teachers- which would let you off with homework, who was best to go to with problems, who was worst. Once Vi was pretty sure Remus had read enough of the page to get the gist, he flicked back to the back and wrote ‘I can show you all the good hiding spots are too.’

“Perfect!” Remus grinned, bouncing a little, “I think we’re gonna get along great, new friend!”

—-

It turned out that Vi only shared one of his classes with Remus, which was annoying because he might have been able to get through all of the bullying about his hair if he had a friend with him (he’d never really had one of those before, wasn’t that exciting?). But for now he was stuck being passed notes with horribly ugly drawings of him, or whispered name calling and even more notes that called him mean names.

At least even after learning Vi’s real name Remus kept calling him Vi, and kept using ‘he’ too, even though people called him weird for it. It made Vi very happy, which was all that seemed to matter where Remus was concerned. 

—-

It was only a few days later, after he’d spent lunch behind the bike shed with Remus (it turned out to become a good meeting spot) that his teacher had arrived late to class.

Usually a teacher being late would mean extra time to chat with your classmates. Usually the three kids who already had phones would be gathered around while they played some stupid video of kittens chasing lights, or something else that they considered funny enough to save to their phones.

Not today though, because a teacher being late to Vi’s class meant that the kids in the class who liked to pick on him could gang up on him like they did during lunch.

Someone spooked him from behind his desk, making him flinch and cover his head.

“Not even gonna stand up for yourself? Scrawny little freak?” Someone called from over his head, Virgil only squeaked pathetically and curled up further in his chair as someone pushed him roughly, almost enough to move the chair itself, “Look at her! She’s so pathetic!”

“What’s wrong? Cant hide behind your hair anymore?” Someone else mocked, “Oh yeah, cuz you hacked it all off, what’d you use again, a hedgecutter?”

“She does look a little like a dead bush,” A boy commented, “She looks a little like the thing my dad ran over in the road this morning!”

The people around him broke out into noises that were a mix of disgust and laughter, Vi just curled further into his seat, gripping his own arms in a death grip as the other students continued to poke and prod at him.

“Hey!” Someone yelled over the noise of the students, Vi shuddered, even without looking he could feel the magic from whoever this kid was, and Vi doubted he was even doing anything right now, “What’re you all doing? Get away from her!”

Most of the students paused then, turning to face the voice, some of them whispered.

“It’s him!” They said, “The kid who lives in the forests with the faeries !”

“Really? I thought that was just a rumour!” They said.

“I’ve seen him going with my own eyes!” They said, “It’s true! He goes in and comes out, every time, completely fine and safe!”

“Is he cursed? Does he have magic? Is he a faerie himself?”

“No need for all the whispers,” The someone they were all talking about called over the frenzied whispers, silencing them immediately, “Why don’t we all calm down and go to our seats, ok?”

“Or what?” Someone with more bravery than common sense yelled from the crowd, “You’re gonna get your pixie friends to come and giggle at us?”

“You’d probably be smarter not to insult the fae,” The person said, “They don’t like being mocked, and they have ways of finding out…”

Most of the class had scrambled back to their seats by now. Now that the crowds were gone, Vi felt that it was safe enough to look up and when he did he saw that the only students who were still standing were Kailee, one of the girls who liked to bully him, and a boy. The boy must be the one speaking, because who else could it be. He was short, but nowhere near Vi’s level. His eyes were blue, but not in the same ghostly-pale sometimes creepy way Virgil’s were, they reminded him more of a sunny day, kind and warm, though Virgil felt the tingle of something supernatural when he looked into them too long. Instead he looked at the other boy’s hair, dirty blond and falling in waves down to his chin. Most notable, though, was the brightly coloured flower crown he wore atop his head. Intricately weaved better than anything Virgil had ever seen with what looked like real flowers, pink and baby blue and a soft yellow. 

What really surprised him was the magic, though, the feeling of magic rolling off of him. Vi knew he had some kind of… sense, for magic, but it had never felt half as strong as this before… whoever this kid was…

He and Kailee stared at each other for a minute before she gave up, rolling her eyes and stomping back over to her seat. When their eyes met, the other boy smiled and gave him a thumbs up before walking away and sitting down at the edge of the room just before the teacher had come in. 

…No matter who he was, Vi thought he couldn’t be anything but trustworthy.

—-

Vi never talked to the faerie boy, to be fair on him, he never talked to anyone. He also didn’t like referring to him as ‘the faerie boy’ because even though the kid was easily beautiful enough to be, he wasn’t actually fae, he just lived with them, but he didn’t have a better name to call him and Vi was far too anxious to ask. He really wanted to thank the boy for standing up for him, both the first time and the few times it happened afterwards too. Vi was so grateful to him, and probably owed him a whole lot- which might be bad, actually, if this kid really did live with the fae- but because of his intervention people had started to leave him alone. 

There was always the occasional thing, someone would trip him or push him or throw little taunts or quips, but the majority of people had decided to leave him alone for the most part. It seemed that knowing Virgil was protected by the boy who befriended the faerie courts was enough deterrent for the most part. 

Vi still couldn’t speak and school still wasn’t great. He and Remus still spent lunches behind the bike shed because even though Vi wasn’t followed by bullies everywhere he went now, people still stared and whispered and it made him uncomfortable. Teachers still found amusement in picking on him during class and watching him struggle to answer, in classes he didn’t share with the faerie boy people still laughed at him for it.

But it was… better. Vi decided it was much better than it had been.

—-

The rest of seventh grade passed in a blur for Vi.

Somehow, he had managed to remain friends with Remus. The rumours that had been spread hadn’t scared him off and somehow neither had Vi’s inability to speak nor his limited fashion sense (Remus had tried to persuade him to wear something other than hoodies and baggy trousers a few times to no avail over the time they spent together).

They had quickly started hanging out outside of school too, since it turned out that both of them had a lot of free time on their hands.  His parents had been ecstatic to find out that he now had a friend and Remus said that his own parents were glad to have some peace and quiet for once. They’d started slowly, just with Remus coming over for an evening after school one day or another, but that had very quickly become them spending every weekend they could together. If the weather was good they’d go out, to the park mostly where they’d get ice-cream or a chocolate bar and then sit and just exist together for hours. If the weather wasn’t so good they’d spend time in Virgil’s house, or at the library- though Remus didn’t like the library that much- or the coffee shop near the school. 

Vi really thought this whole thing was brilliant. He had someone he could connect with, who wanted to spend time with him. Someone who was loud and boisterous and downright intolerable at times to make up for Vi’s quiet and anxious dimeaner. They balanced each other out perfectly. Vi’s mother said it was fate, Vi didn’t believe in such things, but… he couldn’t deny that having Remus as a friend was… pretty cool. 

And even more importantly, now he had someone to study for his finals with. 

Since 6th grade was ending and exams were almost on top of them, Vi, of course, was already getting incredibly stressed over them. He’d found- after finally getting Remus to sit down to study after half an hour of insistence- that ssitting in his bedroom and listening to Remus ramble about whatever units they had been learning was far better in comparison than making notes on a textbook for the hundredth time. Listening to Remus made it interesting, like he was using the biology they’d been learning to tell a story without leaving any of the gross bits out. Vi had found himself laughing so hard he wheezed by the end of it and came out confident that he wouldn’t forget the bio content any time soon. 

Every exam came and went with just as much stress as usual. Vi was sure he’d had more panic attacks than last year- not that he was keeping count. Even with the increased amount of panic, though, he found himself going into every exam calm- or as calm as he could, given the circumstances- after Remus found him and talked him down from his worries every time.

Having a friend made the problem so much easier for him to deal with and Vi couldn’t be more grateful for it. Remus managed to drag Vi out of his little ball of stress after every exam he had and take him to get ice-cream (something else he’d definitely had more of than last year) all whilst saying with no hint of a doubt that Vi aced them. 

As summer began and Vi prepared to have Remus breaking down his door every morning for the next eight weeks, got ready to be busy over the summer for the first time in his life, he couldn’t think of anything better that he could be doing.

Finally, his life was just a little bit better. 

And all it took was the knowledge that he was not a girl. 

----

| Next -> |

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (05/11/23)

I forgot to say on last week's post but having caught up with yozakura now I have finally achieved my goal of reading everything on WSJ* which is very fun. with that out the way I can finally start catching up on some other stuff I've been behind on too and then finally start new stuff but still gonna be a while for that

blue - finale/completed

Anime

Frieren Ep9

very pogged up ep, I already knew it was gonna have sakuga cause I saw mappa posting the keyframes for some scenes on twitter but actually seeing it in action is a whole different thing

Undead Unluck Ep5

good ep as usual, despite being basically all exposition it was still fun finally hearing how everyone in the union sounds and is characterized, and also getting to see some early foreshadowing that makes a lot more sense nowadays 👀 also the shaft style with all the fast cuts and their signature angles is really fitting for episodes like this so that helps too which I do gotta say, despite being a sakuga slut (and the previous episode being crazy) my favourite thing about the anime so far has been that shaft style, since I didn't know beforehand about the involvment of their staff, it gives it a really different feel from the manga but it's still very good in it's own, shafty, way

Imas Million Live Ep5

good episode like usual, I thought this ep would be all preparation and the event itself would be the next one but it was half and half, which is good, not really wasting too much time. we also got to see tsumugi and kaori so that was fun too. next episode looks like there's gonna be some drama with poor shizuka so good luck to her

Manga

The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins Ch478 (Finale)

that's all I should say about it. it really doesn't deserve anything else, but I won't be like that. I already knew the author's previous work takopii was needlessly edgy too but since I hadn't read it I didn't let that sway me and started this anyway. I can tell you that I'll never read anything by taizan, be it in WSJ or not. ofc it's not actually a 1, it's more like a 3, but I hated it so much I couldn't give it anything higher than that. from start to finish it was bad. none of the characters were likeable, the plot was confusing and hard to follow with it constantly switching between the "dream" and reality, every family member's plotline wasn't interesting and just an excuse to have more edgy things happen and at the end of the day it ends with "well despite everything that happened nothing changed and we're all still the same" so it was just a complete waste of time. it's sad we live in a world where something like this can get almost 50 chaps but series that are brimming with potential get cut short, and even in that short time are better than this could ever be. "oh if you hated it so much why didn't you drop it then?" simply put, I didn't ever think it'd last too long, and by the point where it had been going for a while I was like "well might as well see where this trainwreck ends up at" like I did for agk anyway. good riddance and see you never again taizan

Kindergarten Wars Ch52

when they said earlier in the chapter the brothers had died I believed it cause I expected it to happened at the end of the last chap they showed up in so seeing this at the end was a pleasant surprise

Show-ha Shoten Ch23

great chap, not only was their performance great, they also spent a buncha time in the last few chaps talking about how the group that goes first is doomed and can recieve and high score just for it to turn around like this. I figured they wouldn't just get dropped right away since they've actually gotten screentime before unlike a buncha the pairs that showed up just for this arc but still nice to it actually happen

Blue Box Ch124

good ol classic sports festival but with a bit of drama throw in to shake things up I figured this was gonna happen eventually but not in the very same chap they set up the seeds for it, poor taiki and chinatsu tho I'm fairly sure taiki will say yes but not who but we'll see next ch

Martial Master Asumi Ch20

mma's been struggling with ratings recently but this chap was GREAT, I hope it's enough to bump it up a bit, it's very cool to see this side of nito and him going off like this

[wykedstories]

Chapter 3: The Gossip Sesh

It's Tuesday evening and I'm finally home from school getting ready to take a deep breath before having to deal with my family for the night. Man oh man i'm over the  day and i'm so ready to isolate myself in my room and go over the scenario with vince today 20x. Meanwhile I open the door to smell my favorite thing in the world and that's bacon. I'm pretty sure mom is making BLT’s or breakfast for dinner tonight. I marched my way into the kitchen to find out what kind of yummy stuff she's cooking up, and boy was I right, it was BLT’s! “Hey leah how was school today hun? I haven't heard much from you this week?”.

 “I’m okay i guess, today really wasn't the best day at school but i'll get through it like any other day you know”. 

“I get it honey, just have some dinner and go decompress”. 

“Thanks mom, it's awesome to come home to one of my favorite dinners. That really makes the night so much better”. 

I took two sandwiches and went upstairs to my room and determined how I'm going to “decompress”, as mom said downstairs. I suppose I could call Darcy and vent about Vince Myers being a top tier on edge asshole, or I could grab my paintbrush and start a new project I would likely never finish. After about 15 minutes of going back and forth in silence. I decided that I was going to have the best of both worlds! 

I'm going to call Darcy and vent while simultaneously starting a painting that I'll never finish if I don't sit down for the next five hours and go full OCD to finish it. I quickly dial up Darcy's number on my phone like I have it memorized or something! The phone rings about 3 times before I hear the excitement in her voice “Leah, hey girl hey anything fun happen today”? I responded quickly to her since in fact something “fun” did happen today. “Girl Vince Myers is an asshole” I said to her  in a sneer tone of voice. 

“ Girl, no way? What happened? You were just obsessed and now you're totally turned off by him. What the hell happened Leah”?

 “Well” I sighed “ you know I daydream a lot and this almost seemed like it just manifested itself right into reality because , I was just daydreaming about how I could talk to him for the first time like your smartass dropping your books comment this morning”.

“So basically what happened was I left my 2nd period science class and headed to math. Well little did i know, the stairs had a vendetta out for me and boy oh boy i tripped and fell face first into Vinces locker! I mean Darcy I really ate that shit”! “Then to make the situation worse what he said to me was so utterly rude, i was like okay asshole someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed”. 

“Girl what did he say”? Darcy quickly snapped back. I could tell she was excited to have something to gossip about considering there's been nothing exciting happening at all in months. Darcy is gonna be mad but i've been staring at these BLTS and man they look good especially because mom fries my bacon extra extra crispy, she knows I love it that way! 

“ Okay okay Darcy I'll tell you but I'm going to take a few  bites of my sandwich before I get into the thick of it with you”!

 “ GIRL WHAT, you are gonna do me that way UGH, I guess you are allowed  to eat but how dare you get me all worked up and then BOOM suspense has been input into the conversation”. 

“ I'm sorry” I mumbled through my mouth as I tried to hurry up and eat so I could continue to give this girl her gossip. I swear she should be a journalist or something like that because she is always trying to chase a story, drama or anything that really catches her attention. I respect her though, and she is my best friend. I manage to finish my first sandwich while I listen to Darcy ramble on about how she wishes she was better at makeup, hair, style, and all this other stuff most normal girls care about. Not me though, I do my makeup and hair occasionally, big emphasis on occasionally, because until Vince came around I never really gave two flying shits. As for style now that's something I really dont give two shits about. I'm a comfort gal all the way. “Leah uh um are you done now i want to know the tea girlfriend”.

 “ yes yes im done darcy, so he was just really rude and said something like can't you watch where you're going now people are gonna think im beating up girls with locker doors and i don't need that shit.”.

“Girl that definitely was snippy but don't you think it's possible he's not an ass and he is just having a tough day”? 

“I guess so,” I replied. “Maybe I am just thinking too much into it”. “So darcy, do you think maybe i should just let it slide this time and not paint him to be a total dickface’? Darcy replied extremely quickly

 “yes i think you should tone it down tiger”. 

I'm still on the phone with Darcy but we are both kind of doing our own thing you know, like what bestfriends do. They just sit on the phone in silence doing two separate things. She's looking up fresh makeup looks and I'm over here painting a sunflower. Each stroke is decimating a little bit  of anxiety with each new detail that's brought to life. “Darcy it's getting late girl i think i'm gonna lay down and call it a night. Wanna meet early tomorrow at school to catch breakfast together”? 

“Okay Leah, I love you babes. Breakfest sounds amazing but how about we ditch the school and go to starbucks? Pick me up at say 6:30 am”? 

“That's a perfect plan, let's do it. I'll see you tomorrow morning. I love you darcy".

I sat back against my head board and took a deep breath just to realize I am anxious again. I guess it really is time for bed now. I grab my paintbrushes and my cup of murky brown gray water and head to the bathroom to rinse my brushes out and prep them to be put up. I get to the bathroom and clean all the excess paint out of the brushes  and decide I'll brush my teeth and wash my face while I'm already here since self care is important according to my psychologist. As I'm walking back to my room I noticed the sound of rain hitting our tin roof, and let me tell you, that's such a comforting sound. I'm a lover of thunderstorms. They tend to relax me. It's a sign in the right direction that I'll get a good night's rest. 

[popcornfairy28]

Probably nobody here really cares about this, but I figured I should probably post about this anyway. I finally updated The Crystal of Neahtid, a Merlin watching the show fic that I barely started during 2020. Back then, I had just started posting to AO3 and sharing my writing for pretty much the first time ever, so I didn't have a solid plan. Life happened and I went on hiatus, and now I'm coming back to these old fics but I am changing how I write them so I don't go back on hiatus.

In other news!!! I've gotta fill you guys in on lots. I've been working quite a bit this month because my boss hasn't been feeling well, so it looks like to make up for that my July schedule has the least amount of work days that I've had since taking this job, which means that I will actually have time to write and record stuff!!! Plus a few issues are hopefully finally being resolved there, which means I'll be less stressed/probably have more time to write while at work.

What Hides in the Dark has a new first chapter, "I Guess I Should've Known" because I decided on a different beginning point, which should be up earliest tomorrow or latest Friday (I've gotta work, so we'll see). With it will be posted the next chapter for The Older Siblings.

I'll be posting a one-shot related to this Merlin fic called "Never Really Fit In" probably Thursday. I'll probably end up updating 50 Ways to Not Die sometime around then as well.

As for Perry the Teenage Spy, I think I'll try catching up with the few episodes I wanna do for Extra Scenes with four more before I post "It's About Time!". Besides that, I'm thinking of writing a one-shot in Perry the (Teenage) Rebel about a certain family's perspective during the Star Wars Rebels episode "Twin Suns" (inspired by me finishing season 3 of Rebels yay!)

Remember Bap Away at My Heart? After I get the aforementioned stuff posted, I'll finally get around to posting the third and last chapter which had previously gotten delayed due to the death of a friend mere hours after I had last updated this fic. After that I've got a couple ideas for one-shots with Bap, but nothing concrete. I also kinda wanna make a human AU with this?

I've also got a handful of podfics that I recorded during May that I have yet to edit that I'll probably get around to next week since I will only be working one day that week. The fandoms of these include Phineas and Ferb, Merlin, and Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarves!

The Chesterton Challenge Prompts kinda got dropped in the midst of Voiceteam, so I'll be trying to update that every Sunday or so until Inklings Challenge this year.

If you wanna ask me for any snippets of anything I've put here, feel free to do so! Otherwise, see ya later!

[unsc-offical]

Straight into hell

Chapter 2 part 3

Liam and the captain walked forward into the cafeteria

"my name's Reynolds. Cpt Reynolds. We started here with 29 people in this cafeteria. Most of them died during the securing of the surrounding halls hours ago. We payed for how fast we moved. You won't find a single person in this room to be very willing to strike up a conversation right now, so it's probably best to be quick. We have 2 civilian cooks in the kitchen you can see everyone else left in front of you. I'm going go back with Raymond and Amelia and take them back. Go make some friends. You'll need them."

Reynolds began walking away but then stopped before the door; "oh, once you've familialized yourself with the marines. Take Mable on a supply run to a nearby armoury. She needs to learn how to handle her weapon."

"who's Mable?" asked Liam

"the combat Engineer." Answered Reynolds.

"She looks like she's been in the core since I was born?" Liam confusedly stated

"nah, new recruit as of 12 hours ago. Anyway, Got to go." Reynolds said as he started jogging back to Raymond and Amelia.

Chapter 2 part 4

Liam approached the very shaky man first. Being back at their base seemed to do nothing to calm him.

"hey there. How are you, you seem understandably stressed, is there anything I can do to help?" Liam asked calmly, he had been around a lot of traumatized soldiers back when he was a medic piloting a medevac Pelican, and knew the guy probably needed someone to comfort him, so he sat down next to the marine to hear what he had to say.

The Marine broke into tears and Liam put an hand on his shoulder

"so many of them are gone" the marine said shakily through tears

"... we left Jess behind *sob* and he was my friend *sob* and now he's gone *sob* everyone I knew is gone *sob*"

The marine who was named Don cried into Liam's armor until Liam wrapped a blanket around him and got him to go to his bunk.

Liam went to go check on the medic and the very bandaged up marine.

"hey y'all. How are we feeling?" Liam asked

"besides the constant death close by and my very cut up body, pretty good. I try to be optimistic about our chances. And I've been injured worse many times before." Said the marine

"'names mark. You can call me mark, if you'd like. I'm the demolitions guy. And I accidentally demolished myself as well as a horde of the undead."

"nice to meet you. You should probably rest up soon after she finishes up here."

Liam looked over to the medic. "By the way, what's your nam-"

"I am Medical officer Orellios. Please leave my patient alone. He is good in my care."

"alright sorry I was just checking on our injured coworkers, I'll be on my way now."

Liam walked to the kitchen and two men stepped out. One looked like a stereotypical Italian New Yorker from the 2450's and the other looked like he had been serving on the ship for 50 years

"what can I get for ya?" The older one asked. "We got all the worst mre flavors. The red curry and pad Thai that is not at all red, spinach feta quiche that is not at all quiche shaped or feta tasting, we also have some taco pizza and breadsticks left but I'm saving those so we can have something good as our collective last meals. Hey Remy, do we got any pork ribs and cornbread left? I wouldn't feed the cornbread to a starving kitten let alone a mostly nurished guy with options but the pork ribs are better than the other options. That stuff may be supposed to be cornbread but I don't think it's anything like it. Anyway here's the pork ribs, fresh off the flame. Enjoy. Oh the name's rawb by the way. Been working as a cook here most of my life."

"rawb? What happened? You look like you've been through 8 tours in what, a week since I last saw you? It's Liam by the way." He said as he took off his helmet.

"good to see ya alive Liam. We'll talk more soon. Go eat up. I heard you're going on a supply run right after."

[twoidiotwriters1]

Copycat: Origins —(Marvel Fem!Oc)

A/N: We reach the end of phase three at last! I might not post next phase right away cause I haven’t finished it (first time that’s happened in a while) but I’m hoping it’ll only take an extra week, maybe less if you’re lucky -Danny

Words: 2,155

Phase Three Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Phase Four

Listen to: ‘Birds’ -by Imagine Dragons

xxx: Fallen Heroes

"Agent Copycat reporting for duty," she stood beside Fury, both of them facing the group of people that were scattering.

He hummed. "It's been a long day, agent. Dare I say it's been more than a day in your case. Take some time off, I'll call you."

She was almost glad to hear him say that. "Fine, but don't take too long."

He chuckled lowly. "Look at you, pretending you want this..."

"It's what I do best," She saw Peter walking in their direction. "Pretend."

Cat excused herself and met Peter halfway, she smiled a little.

"Have you and May found a new place to stay?"

"We're still looking."

"What about Pietro's apartment?"

He looked at her. "What about you and Wanda?"

She shrugged. "She talks to me but it's not like we're close friends. She understands I didn't mean any hurt... I'm sorry about what happened between us, though."

Peter kept his eyes on her and she knew what was coming even before he'd blurted out his reply.

"Don't break up with me."

"Pete..." She said tiredly.

"We can make it work, C.C."

"C.C. doesn't exist anymore," Cat replied in frustration. "We burnt her papers, deleted school files, everything."

"Okay," He replied, clutching his hope. "Copycat's been my partner for years— I dated her too, and I know she loves me—"

"I like someone else now," She said plainly. "I've been with others while you were gone. I'm sorry... It's— It's not just our age gap. You were gone for too long."

Cat hadn't originally planned to confess that to Peter, but it seemed that nothing in the world could convince him to give up on her. Pietro once told her that when you love someone, nothing they do can make you leave, so Peter had to stop loving her.

"I killed people," She hid her hands in her pockets so he couldn't see them shaking. "I wanted others to suffer. I stole things from people that didn't deserve it. Our future was nothing but a dream, and what I've done, that's the reality."

The boy stepped back as if he'd been slapped in the face. He stared, her soul had been revealed to him and for the first time, he did not recognize her.

"You're only saying that push me away," He muttered, and even though he was right, she could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

"I don't see the point in fighting for what we had," She said feigning disinterest. "S'not worth it."

She wrapped her jacket tighter around her body and looked away. Cat knew she would never be able to look at him without feeling ashamed of this moment.

"I'll send you the keys to Pietro's apartment, I'll pick up his stuff later. Maybe Wanda will want some of them. Talk to the landlord about the new lease."

"Cat—"

"Don't look for me," She turned away and blinked back the tears. "I'm not your friend."

"You know, I wish there was a way that I could let her know... that we won. We did it."

"She knows," Wanda said. "They all know."

"You should try and write letters to Nat," Cat offered. "Even if she won't read them."

Wanda's voice sounded a little amused. "Pi told you that, didn't he?"

Cat smiled without looking at her. "He was a good brother."

It stung, talking about him and knowing they would never see him again. She didn't want to keep thinking of the whole situation, she wanted to forget, all of it.

"I'm glad he wasn't alone," Wanda confessed. "I hated you for a while, felt like you'd been the reason for our separation, but if I really think about it... it was me."

"I was scared, desperate to get what you'd had for years... if I hadn't been so selfish, you wouldn't have felt the need to run."

"We could've been a family," Wanda asked absently. "Nice pipe dream."

Clint patted their shoulders. "You're not so little anymore, are ya?"

Wanda had to look up in order to lock eyes with Cat. "I don't know about you, Copy, but I still have room to grow."

"Toddlers," Rocket approached the young mutants. "Got something for you."

He noticed their hesitant glances and scoffed.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You've been trying to kidnap us ever since we told you we're staying on Earth."

"I changed my mind," Rocket grumbled. "You'd be the worst Guardians now that the old group's back."

The mutants shared a look, they nodded in agreement.

"Probably."

"I mean, they're far more experienced, including that demigod dipshit—"

"No, that's all bullshit!" Rocket exclaimed. "I was trying reverse psychology, that always worked on you!"

"I'm sorry, Rat," She smiled. "Maybe you could try and hit me real hard on the head, see if that makes me forget the last year of my life?"

"Don't give him ideas," Kurt said disapprovingly.

"Ah, crap, I'll miss you two," Rocket rubbed his eyes roughly. "You're like my children... Groot, come say bye to the toddlers!"

"Having a raccoon as our father figure was definitely not on the list," She noted.

"Becoming an Avenger wasn't on mine for sure," Kurt sighed. "But I think I was pretty damn good anyway."

Young Groot fist-bumped the mutants. Rocket tried to stretch his farewell a bit more.

"Don't be strangers," He said. "Give your Captain a call every now and then, otherwise I'll go crazy surrounded by all of those idiots."

"You love those idiots, Rat."

"Love is a strong word," He groaned. "I tolerate them."

"Sure," Kurt opened his arms. "Group hug?"

They knelt so Rocket didn't have to jump, Cat wished they could stay that way forever, maybe then she'd never think of all the others they would never get to hold again.

"Have this," The raccoon handed her the blaster he'd been carrying around. "You're a sharpshooter, I'm sure you'll find a good use for it... and here," Rocket took off his scarf and wrapped it around Kurt's neck. "So you can hide your ugly face."

"You know... I tried. When I had the gauntlet, the stones, I really tried to bring her back... I miss her."

"We all do," Cat replied. "I gotta locate her sister, let her know what happened..."

"She'll be impossible to find, Cat. She's just like Natasha."

"Yeah well, guess who trained me?" She shrugged. "I have time. Too much, actually. But I'm lacking dough... Gotta love your twenties."

Steve smiled at her. "You know, it's not so bad that you're like Tony. We could use a new Stark."

"I could shift into him right now and make you pee your pants out of pure shock."

Sam let out a disgusted grunt. "And they say you grew up."

Steve grabbed the case and walked towards the platform. "You have to be friendly if you're going to work together, the Avengers care for one another."

"You know, if you want, I could come with you," Sam offered.

"You're a good man, Sam. This one's on me, though." The blond man moved to Bucky and smiled at him. "Don't do anything stupid 'til I get back."

Bucky chuckled. "How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

They hugged, and something about it felt final.

"Gonna miss you, buddy."

"It's gonna be okay, Buck."

Cat locked eyes with the Winter soldier, he walked up to her.

"Buttercup," He greeted.

"Captain Hook," She retorted.

"How longs is this gonna take?" Sam ignored them.

"For him as long as he needs. For us, five seconds."

"He's not coming back, is he?" She whispered.

"Don't know," Bucky replied.

"He can't stand it when others get the spotlight, huh?" Cat taunted. "Tony just died, the least he could do is pretend it was an accident."

"You have a rotten sense of humor."

"And yet people like me more than they like you," She remarked.

"They're idiots."

Steve fell into the tunnel and didn't come back on his mark. Banner tried to bring him but nothing was working. Sam got worried, Bucky turned around to leave, then stopped.

"Sam," He called.

The three of them approached the figure seated on a far bench.

"Go ahead," Bucky told them.

The others shared a look, they moved together.

"...Cap?"

"Hi, guys."

"You little shit," She crossed her arms.

"Did something go wrong, or did something go right?" Sam smiled.

"Well, after I put the stones back, I thought... maybe I'll try some of that life Tony and Cat were telling me to get."

"How'd that work for ya?"

"It was beautiful."

"Good. I'm happy for you. Truly."

"Thank you."

"Only thing bumming me out is the fact I have to live in a world without Captain America."

"Oh," Steve grabbed a package, his hands were thin and wrinkled. "That reminds me..."

He unwrapped a shield, one that had not been destroyed by Thanos.

"Try it on."

Sam looked back at Bucky and Bucky nodded encouragingly. He seized the shield and looked down at it with a frown.

"How does it feel?"

"Like is someone else's."

"It isn't."

Sam took a deep breath. "Thank you. I'll do my best."

"That's why it's yours."

He shook Steve's hand. The old man's attention fell on her.

"Why the long face, Heathen? I'm leaving you in good hands."

"I don't need 'em, I got my own."

"That's what I meant," He beamed. "Come here."

She sat beside him. Steve patter her knee, on his left hand he had a gold ring.

"I'm not sure you want to be on the team after all that's happened..."

She looked ahead, lost in thought. "I'd be angry at you if I didn't think saying goodbye feels liberating, to some extent. Without the Avengers, I won't be so pressured to live up to their standards. Who knows? Maybe this way I'll be better..."

"That's all we ever wanted for you," Steve nodded.

"Hey," Sam gestured at Steve's hand. "You're gonna tell us about her?"

"No," He grinned playfully. "No, I don't think I will."

"C'mon, Sam, don't be silly," Cat said matter-of-factly. "Her is a he, and he's standing right behind us! I always knew you guys would end up together, bit insulting that you didn't invite us to the wedding, though."

Steve laughed in a lighthearted way. "I guess he would've been alright, but I wouldn't want to steal your chance to shoot your shot. I heard you like that sort of older and grumpy fellow..."

"Oh God, I can't believe Pietro told you about that," She blushed.

"He loved talking about you, and we were always asking for updates," The old man squeezed her hand. "Whatever you do, Cat, remember you were loved. Remember your family."

They knocked on the door softly, once it opened Matthew welcomed them in.

"You could've said no, you know?"

"Right," He laughed dryly. "Refusing to help the heroes that brought everyone back— Who do you think I am?"

"The love of my life?" She teased. "Just tell us where to go, you're probably expecting friends and even if you're not, we shouldn't stay for too long..."

Matthew gave her a piece of paper. "Ask for Maggie, tell her I sent you."

"Who's Maggie?"

"My mother."

"You have a mother?" Her eyes widened.

"Mimi..."

"Right— sorry," She looked at Kurt and then back at Matt. "Thank you again."

"Keep in touch," He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "Take care, alright?"

"Yeah," Cat smiled a little. "You too."

Twenty minutes after they left the building, she heard Kurt giggling.

"What?" She snapped.

"He's handsome," He raised a brow, still smirking. "And blind. Do you like him cause he can't see your creepy eyes and your weird friends?"

"Trust me, Smurf, he sees us," Cat heaved a sigh. "And yet he's never told me whether he thinks I'm attractive or not."

"Don't be a sinner, Mimic. Can't you see we're in church?"

Cat looked up and found herself standing outside a temple. She looked at her friend with a frown.

"Are you sure you'll be fine here? I mean, you're not exactly a beacon of sanctity."

"Hey, they're the ones that can't discriminate against me, right?" He shrugged. "As long as it's secluded and away from prying eyes, I should be fine. Maybe they'll end up liking me?"

"Well, Matt said this is a discrete place," She tilted her head. "I trust his judgment."

"Or you're blinded by love," Kurt taunted.

"You know better than to think I'm in love," She rolled her eyes. "I've got a stupid crush, that's all. I'm a busy woman, and he thinks I'm too young."

"But what if he didn't?"

"Then we would get married right away," She replied sarcastically. "Ya done with the dumb questions? Wrap that scarf properly and let's head inside."

"Once I hide here," Kurt continued as they entered. "What are you going to do?"

"I'll get a cheap apartment, I'll patrol the city with Daredevil, make sure we stay away from Spider-man... I'll visit you as often as possible."

"Are you going to go back to hiding? Once you're an agent, I mean."

"What would be the use of a spotlight, anyway? You see what putting a target on your back does to the people around you. Most of my friends are dead or no longer my friends, but still, I think it's better if I quietly move away from the public eye."

Kurt walked across the church's hall with her, stopping in front of the altar. "I think it's good that we're choosing to remain anonymous, we're free."

"It's a nice way to put it."

Cat stared at the colorful windows, it would take a while before she could feel good about living.

Next Phase —>

Taglist.

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[personasintro]

hi mimi! i was here asking some q’s earlier but rn i’m here for another reason.

i’m not gonna bring politics up but as you (and someone who might read this post) know, there is a war going on in ukraine. i’m ukrainian and not gonna lie, we all going through a hard time. BUT, i’m not here to ask for some pity or else, i wanted to say that the first week when this happened, i used to be really nervous and tense, so i couldn’t even distract myself with some music, series or books, since yk… you should be aware of bombs and stuff… but later, when i had to leave my city for a safe place, i thought i would give a try and will read something that will take my attention away from some things. i’m a slow reader bc i always imagine a lot & i also get distracted really often so i thought “damn, perfect time to continue mh”. i had like 10 chapters left and now i have 3 + i’m also started prohibido and planning to read others as well (that i haven’t read yet or did long time ago). and i just want to say a big thank you because that was something i needed, i needed to run away from the reality and you really helped me. even tho i’m at my yoongi era again and i really miss afy & LL (don’t worry i love monachopsis as well but we had a new chapter not that long time ago so i’m also missing it but kinda less haha). i really love your writing style and the fact that you do amazing plot twists during stories that makes you stop just to breathe. you’re an amazing author and i’m sure you’re a really great person too :) so thank you again for being a safe place for many of us. i hope that you’re doing well and i wish you a lot of inspiration. and i’m on my way to read another mh chapter 🏃🏼‍♀️

this is so heartbreaking to read, I can't possibly imagine what the ukrainian families are going through... my country is actually very involved in helping and we all are scared what's going to happen next. my neighbour is ukrainian and her family came here just the other day, it was very sad to see them reunited under such circumstances 🥺

thank you so much for turning to my stories even in such sad period in your life, I hope my stories will continue to make you happy! I really hope you and your family are safe now 🥺

it's my honor and I'll think of you the next time I'm writing <3 I'm with you and if you ever need anyone to talk to, let me know !!