#i'd regret it so fucking much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bat-the-misfit · 3 months

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LISTEN UP EVERYONE:

think about someone you haven't talked to in a long time.

if they died now, would you regret not talking to them?

if you would, maybe you should talk to them.

#i'm saying this bc #well here we go again #death tw #one of my uncles just passed away and my aunt is talking about how much remorse she's feeling for not having talked to him while she could #and that made me think about my brother who i have not talked to in months over petty fights #you know. things that bother you but in the end of the day they don't really matter you know?#these “dumb” things make me not wanna talk to him to “give him a lesson” but if he just died right now #i'd regret it so fucking much #so idk i thought it would be nice to post about this here in case someone is going through smth similar #pls talk to them. they might need it. they might get so happy actually. don't let it become “too late”#well anyway it's 03:39 and i can't sleep bc me and my mom are planning to go to his funeral and things are bad #i liked him a lot but tbh i don't think i'll feel as shitty as some deaths that ocurred some time ago :(#jeez i don't even wanna think about it

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mizzyislost · 1 year

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some fun game night shenanigans, with my slightly tweaked anthro designs!

original image for the middle two drawings!

and i feel like we’ve definitely all already seen that old “””draw the squad board game base””” or whatever, but here it is anyways for convenience!

#fuck i already regret making rivulets so detailed #i just want them... to be a pretty fish critter.....#also yeah i know i didnt draw them with clothing which is kind of a key feature of antho designs #but damn if i had to draw and color that much clothing on such a short time span i think i'd explode #yeah ill be gone in like the middle of the woods for the next 2 days #so #ghfgdsh saint teaching monk how to play old card games..........#sorry i love them very much #rain world #anthro au #rain world downpour #artihunter #fishstick

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steelthroat · 1 month

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First time staying at the hotel of a theme park (against my will, but that's a long story) and... it's so weird??????

Like I feel like I am not supposed to be here, how do I put it... it screams luxury but I a... childlike/childish way????

And I feel restless, like something is wrong. Uncanny.

#this vacation is weird #maybe i feel restless because it cost me too much...#little rant here because i am still bitter about this okay...#look 8 days in spain and EVERYTHING: 2 hotels/3 flights/several museums/foods and drinks/souvenirs/transportation/small useless trinkets #cost us like € 800? more or less?#like okay could have been less but that’s a darn good price counting small useless luxuries and good meals right?#i feel no regrets spending that amount of money on *that*#i was one of the people organizing it #i knew where my money went before it went there so if something was a waste of money is my fault right????#BUT THEN #i was thrown into this other small 4 day vacation here at one of the theme parks in italy #first day we arrive fourth we go 2 days at the park and the only things we DON'T pay for are breakfast and dinner #fucking €600 #and I was occupied with my exams when the other person organized this trip so the moment they called me.and said #“okay already anticipated the money it's 600 per person :D”#i cried #liek i am not exaggerating i literally cried because wtf #600 euros I'd have stayed a week in france #I will never let someone else organize a vacation without my supervision ever the fuck again.#steel rambles #*cries* 1200 € for two peple and 2 and 2 days at the theme park+ 2 days of train is not fucking reasonable mate 😭

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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#regret is a heavy and unproductive feeling but i feel so much of it now #i regret being too scared to send him pictures when he said he would def be ok w me using him as a diary #and even wanting me to share pics (and always when i managed to not be too scared he never made me feel unappriciated)#i regret being too scared to say yes when he talked abt having calls and video calls #i regret being too scared to share all of the things i wanted to share with him and ehat was wanted by him #i regret being too scared to easily and quickly actually listen to him when he said it's more than ok for me to send him lots of messages #and to ramble about things too him. i regret that i kept being too and too scared to do it even if i desperately wanted to #i regret that i took so long to try to face my fears and want to actually do and say and talk abt all of those things #i regret taking too long so bad... i just had never ever felt actually wanted and that my rambley words and my existence mattered to him #that was so so so new and odd for me that it took me so long to ease into #i regret being too scared to do all of it.... i regret it so much #im painfully aware of reality trust me.. and i know it will always be a 'what if'#but i regret that i was too cowardly to just be brave enough to try and tell him directly what i was thinking for 10 months #what i wanted to say was that if he just said the word i'd be all his and that i'd immediately look for any job #and use that paycheck to get a passport and a plane ticket and figure it all out with him #none of this is his fault. like trust me i understand that relationships and feelings and people and everything is complicated #and i actually know that he cares abt me... it what hurts sm ...#but i dont know what would have happened but i regret being too scared to even say it and see. bc i meant it. i really meant it :(((#but.... i know i cant live in this regret forever and that i have to learn how to accept it but #nothing has ever hurt or stung or been regretted this much for me like...#i feel like i fucked up the realest and truest connection and chance at love i've ever had and maybe ever will have? i dunno ... T-T #i regret being too scared to spam his blogs the way i wanted to and too scared to reply to him and interact with him #my fear is so stupid and god i regret letting it control me sm

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deeisace · 6 months

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..

#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again #and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet #basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um #someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that #no-pressure museum not-a-date #and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person #because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it #tho they are two v different situs #an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes #same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time #but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted #and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no #weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff #and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um #is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people #i guess #but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha #and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again #i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff #im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you #(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)

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plumbley-bee · 6 months

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I will not regret having loved.

I don't mean I won't be sad, and my heart won't ache over connections I've lost.

I don't mean I always forgive people who have betrayed my trust and hurt me.

I don't mean I haven't loved the wrong person before.

I mean, the day I regret having felt love at all is the day I fear I will truly lose myself in every way that matters.

Even if I no longer hold any love for someone, I can not regret having felt it in the first place.

Why on earth should I regret the part of me that loves when it is my favorite thing about myself? Why should I shame myself for feeling the very same thing that allows me to have friends to hug and laugh with and milestones to celebrate?

I refuse to feel at fault for having felt something so beautiful and untouchable as love. I can not with good conscience condemn the version of me that loved when I didn't know why I shouldn't have. I will not punish myself over having found something worth loving, even for only a few seconds.

So I will weep for the connections I've lost, and I will do so proudly.

I will scream and cuss and cry at and about the people who have hurt me, and I will do so proudly.

I will laugh and hug and celebrate the people in my life, and I will do so proudly.

I will do these things with all the love I've ever felt etched into my heart, and I will do so proudly.

#fuck #yeah #anyway #ignore this #I'm just rambling #if anyone thinks this is stemming from a breakup im so sorry #but its absolutely not #this post is about the friends and family i have loved and even still love throughout my life #i cannot stress enough how much love as an emotion means to me #familial love #platonic love #romantic love #even the love you feel for that random person you saw give their dog kisses in their car at a gas station #please understand #it is essential for me to love #if I regret the love I ever felt for every person who has hurt me I dont think I'd be able to love the people who haven’t quite the same #i love my brother and even though he never wanted me as a sister when we were kids i dont regret loving him then #and even though he sucks a lot and used to suck even more in the past I still don't regret loving him now #he can't take that away from me.#no one can #mitski is this what you meant #when you said your love was yours and only yours?#because my love really truly is just mine alone

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snootlestheangel · 2 months

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Drowning out my feelings with Dr. Pepper, falling back in love with Silence is Golden But Consequences Are Red, and thoughts of Mother Hen Wolf Shifter!Ghost

*rant in the tags if y'all want*

#i have been having entirely too many feelings lately #and not a time nor place to cope #I have been having far too many conversations about the future and it's starting to make me freak out #this aquarium trip was supposed to help me answer the questions I had about what schooling/degree I would need to be an aquarist #all it did though was make me realize that being an aquarist may not actually be right for me #which now means I don't know what I would be going back to school for #which sucks absolute ass because I miss being a student. I miss that freedom and I miss learning #i miss being a college student so badly actually and I honestly regret dropping out. Like I did before but now #I always told myself it was for the best cause it's better than failing a semester and tanking my GPA #but now I've been stuck in this horrible depressive cycle and feeling so fucking burntout I can barely function half the time #now I don't have any time or energy to do things I love let alone do some self learning #I currently don't see any point in going back to school cause I don't even know what I would go back for and it's fucking scary #all of my siblings have had major things happen and are progressing on with their lives #and like I get i'm barely even in my twenties and I shouldn't be panicking this badly about my life #I feel like half of my troubles are self inflicted even though they're really truly not #but I can't help but feel I've doomed myself and my motor functioning is worsening #my executive functioning is down the fucking toilet and I can't fucking fix it and it's upsetting me #but god i just had a birthday this past week and about three years ago when I started college #I really believed I'd be in a much different place at this age than I am now #and it's scary it's fucking terrifying and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and all I am doing is spiraling really badly

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dogearedheart · 2 months

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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)

#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to #i don't want to make people uncomfortable #and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane #it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions #and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any #of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you #it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done #such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical #and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt #of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything #i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not #visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness #is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow #i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace #i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie #life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do #this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals #and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting #them that was never my intention. i promise #so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about #you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to #navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate #the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people #not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too #I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking #brain of mine.

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crunchycrystals · 1 year

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i hate interpreting "give me back my girlhood it was mine first" as being about just virginity mostly because it feels so much more meaningful if you allow yourself to interpret it as your younger self and the childhood innocence you had that got taken from you but also because i hate the idea of calling someone's virginity their "girlhood"

#crunchyposts #ts #wcs #am i crazy for thinking i dont want to call virginity “girlhood”#that feels Wrong #but also like as a lyric its so much better if you don't interpret it like that #like come on. you're gonna hear lyrics about being preyed on at a young age by an older man and regretting that it happened #lyrics that explicitly said “i miss who i used to be” and youre just gonna say that lines about virginity.#“i'd like to be my old self again but i'm still trying to find it” come on. have you ever felt the deep grief of a past version of yourself #that youll never get back. also im not fucking speculating on someone's virginity #this makes me so angry now that im writing all of this i have no idea why #maybe its bc im ace and i connect a lot with the song and the themes of grief and like the childhood innocence that connects so much to #the religious imagery of the song (INNOCENT. HELLO) and reducing it to just that makes me so. oh my god #anyways another post that falls into the category of “every time i think about wcs i write an essay”#literally just about 9 words lol

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bibiana112 · 1 year

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Girl are you okay? Cause you've been looking through the "My lesbian experience with loneliness" tag again

Well the short answer is no :D

#the long answer is I saw one post of someone going 'well now that I'm 28 too maybe I'll try doing the same thing the protag does here''#and nearly cried because 28 is such a ridiculously long time away except not really except it's SO #fucking long and so close to what I was gaslit into believing I would ever have that I'd be lucky to make it to my thirties for no reason #and I never wanted anything different and just wanted to live and had panic attacks when reading but I'd still believe it was inevitable #and now I am suddenly having to come to terms with so much I want from life that I had resigned myself to never having because I couldn't #but how am I meant to do that? it's just hanging over my head now and it feels so stupid and I feel so out of place everywhere #it feels like I'm too bad at being a person to be loved and too angry to even admit I want to be #and too regretful to seek it because I'm scared of trampling over people's boundaries like people have done to me #and like I did too before I grew up and thought my way through having some empathy #why do only boys show any interest in me.... why is every friend I make entirely outside the range of people who could possibly reciprocate #why is it so easy for me to brush crushes aside aren't people supposed to suffer for this stuff #does that prove it's not a romantic crush and it's just that I want to be held and wanted #it feels so wrong to want this after fighting so much just to have fulfilling platonic relationships what's wrong with me #that I still want something else what more could I want this life is so ideal as far as 12 yo me is concerned #...when did my brain start viewing any and all kinds of want or ambition as doomed efforts for me?#I have such a headache all of a sudden #I think... the way I value self preservation has gotten all the way around into being harmful maybe #at least a little #everyone I know is nowhere near the amount of control freak as I am and they just go do things they want to do #have I seen them hurt over the consequences multiple times yes. but . I'm tired of hurting over absence #''did you know wishing you had more extreme and easily verifiable trauma is in itself proof of having undergone trauma'' well yeah but like #fuck why couldn't I be traumatized by anything else that wasn't literally the profession supposed to help you with all the trauma #delete later #like for real I want to delete it rn but I also don't

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those-goddamn-bats · 7 months

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#GOD i have been having the worst FUCKING headache for the last six days #and it still hasnt subsided so i went to the doctor and its a fucking sinus infection OF ALL THINGS #and i'm in so much pain that i haven't prepared for my quiz tomorrow #and now its nighttime and i need to cram on a headache #i was so embarrassed of the headache i didnt tell anyone irl (except my mom)#and i refused to go to the doctor bc i thought it was nothing but now i regret it bc if i'd gone earlier i wouldn't be in this shit #situation #rant #might delete later

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cappurrccino · 8 months

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desire to start some sort of side-hustle countered by the awareness that I have neither the time nor mental health to manage a side-hustle

#//juri speaks #everything is just so expensive all the time 😭#regretting not applying for a public librarian position a couple towns over now #bc g o d. full time $20/hr would be so much nicer than my current income #about all i'd be able to do would be inprnt to sell photos (ive heard bad things about their payouts)#or crochet commissions (sooooo much time involved in each; would need a PO box)#or really start streaming to try to get twitch money (involves a lot of brand building etc etc)#full time academic lib positions probably wont open until june/july #i am just so tired of being fucking poor and trying to carefully juggle expenses and credit card payments #also watch as i get a bunch of bots ok this post bc i said ''side hustle''

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pastelsugar6w6 · 9 months

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sometimes I’ll remember all my rp deviantart accounts and go look back on them

and hate myself for it

#whyyyyyyyy #why was i so fucking cringe #i had so much fun back then and i still #remember how fun it was at the time and i dont regret it #but i'd rather shave my eyebrows than have anyone know those accounts were me pwq #misc post

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united-under-skyfall · 10 months

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#i think one thing i really didn't prepare for w overnights is just how fucking lonely it is. like yeah 80% of the reason i took it was to #get away from customers but like. it worked. and the night shift team is v v small. there's only 4 of us and we've never been scheduled all #at once yet. and usually we're running around on completely opposite ends of the building going long periods of time without #radioing each other. and then i come home all amped up and the rest of my house is still asleep. and then when they wake up #it's just to get ready and go and we don't really have time to talk. and by the time they get back i'm sleeping #and it's my first night off and i can't fuck up my whole schedule i worked so hard to switch over to w them flipping me all over the place #so now i'm just like. sitting in the half light trying not to wake anybody up not doing anything. the only places near us open are #gas stations and i can't exactly loiter there and what would i do even if i could. and it's too cold to go for a walk or to the park #or something. and i feel like i haven't talked to another human being about something that wasn't related to work in years #and it's only been a week.#and we can listen to music or podcasts or something but our carts and machines are so loud you miss half of it. and we can't hold #super long conversations when we ARE in the same room for the same reasons. plus we all want to die so none of us feel like talking.#and just. im tired and lonely and want to sleep and im already regretting this but i'd feel bad for backing out now when they have so #few options and i volunteered for it in the first place #and then there's also like. even just doing my usual solitary thing at home feels so much more isolated bc there's not the noises #of other people existing nearby. the nearest signs of life are some coughing and then a car on the other side of the block #just. what am i even doing here.#tag ramble

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trans-leek-cookie · 2 years

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The stepmother... has suffered. But it seems like she refuses to acknowledge that in some way she has agency. Instead of trying to fix anything at all she simply consumes. Somehow, to her, her pain is worse than everyone else's, and this gives her the right to hurt anyone she wants as carelessly as she pleases

#Neverafter spoilers #She's the kind of character who I enjoy as a character but for the love of God words cannot describe how much I hate them #The kind who are hurting and instead of doing any sort of. Anything decide to go fucking scorched earth on EVERYTHING #And not in any way that's. Well it's hard to describe but #It's different because they have hurt people before but they thing what happened to them is more important. It isn't even revenge I'd say #It's just. Essentially a lethal temper tantrum. Dear God I love this kind of character but I fully wish I could gut them with a hunting #Knife. I'm a villain enjoyer who actually wants them to suffer and die by my hand its so hard out here with everyone calling them hot. You #Don't want to strangle them and watch them panic as they realize there are consequences? You don't want them to regret so deeply it #Eclipses any physical pain they have felt or ever could feel? You don't want them to be hurt the way they've hurt others? That's weird #And I will say I care more abt the people she's hurt. Cinderella Pinocchio ILY and I would ignore her if it meant I could help them.#But also.

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davlucies · 2 years

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remember when imbalance came out and people managed to be upset griffin handled dav's perspective about cycle 92 & his relationship with lucretia with sensitivity, nuance, and realism

#imbalance #discourse wank #i'm still upset about this... people don't ever explore/care about how dav thinks/feels... all they care about is hating on lucretia #this was such a moving thing to hear articulated too... imagine saying you like dav but not caring what griffin says about/as him??#bc you'd rather see the sole canon woc vilified and insulted.. and all the complex moral and interpersonal issues in canon glossed over #i mean if my headcanons had been jossed more aggressively in imbalance maybe i'd be upset but idk. it's just more angst/meat to write abt!!#think of it as a good fun creativity-inducing thing!!! come write emotionally complex dav fics that engage w canon!!! please..anyone.... 🥺#there is so much interesting there & it's the worst feeling being alone in thinking that... and having no one to write for & talk to....#i miss when fandoms were fun & creative and like a positive thing. just liking the characters/story and chatting & making stuff about them #i still remember when imbalance happened and someone got mad at me for being happy about it bc of course... of course. it's a taz fan!#i couldn't even be happy about imbalance with anyone because my harmless ship is so bad and weird to every single taz fan! cool!!#they're fucking friends! he regrets not supporting her and letting her voice be heard! he thinks he shares some of the blame for it all!!#sorry but you can personally dislike a ship without collectively & baselessly gaslighting me that it's abusive bc of what you're projecting #i'd daresay after 100+ years of friendship davenport nd lucretia love each other deeply despite everything..imbalance propped that up a lot #but you don't even wanna write or read about that do you...#dav having emotionally grounded and complex thoughts and feelings? not in this fandom. lucy being treated kindly? banish the thought...#also davlucy is CUTE. they're nerds. they're hardworking and devoted to saving lives and to their friends. they care for each other !!

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