#i'd like to think there being nothing would be worse. cause then it is quite literally all in my head and we just have to wait
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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two fears:
my mri says something
my mri says nothing
#thats where we're at with it rn folks#we've done every other possible test and i've passed it with flying colours like the overachiever i am#genuinely i dont know which of these answers is worse. or preferred.#i'd like to think there being nothing would be worse. cause then it is quite literally all in my head and we just have to wait#but if there *is* something. thats kind of scary too. depending on what it is.#there's been so many suggestions and ideas thrown around and my brain has latched onto one specifically#like wouldnt it be wild. if for the past year. ive had a tumour in my brain causing all of these issues. ahah. wouldnt that be crazy.#i dont know what the odds are. the CT could've caught it but also not. and the sudden deafness also could be a tumour doing it. so#it's been plastered on the front of my mind since stupid yt shorts decided to algorithmically show it to me. so thanks for that#i hope my fbi agent is worried for me#we'll either know tomorrow or we wont. and i dont know whats worse.#char speaks
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*Taps mic* Heard y'all like Moon around here, you're in luck, this one's for you
massive, MASSIVE thank you to @lunarmoves for beta-reading this chapter!!
She put a lot of time and effort into making my BS readable for y'all and it's greatly appreciated <3 <3 <3
Shay also makes really good dca stuff (also sebastian solace but I know very little about the fish tbh) and you should check her out!
Also, happy 200k+!!! We're only 297k from truly becoming the 500k enemies to lovers slowburn of our dreams lmaoooo
But for real I apologize for such a delay with this one. If you'd like to hear my excuses/reasoning they're below the cut, or you can just go read the chapter whatever suits ya ^-^
Tag list (if you would like added please see this post for more info):
@scarletcowboy @beemyhuneybee @fishm0ther @deviouscrackers @elsajoyagent8
@luckyyyduckyyy @zenkaiankoku @jogimote @local-shrub @amarynthian-chronicles
@robinette-green @everlightreader @sinister-sincerely @starredeclipse @dangerva
CW: medical stuff & additionally a bit of unreality mentions
Okay going to try and keep this simple bc I've said parts of it before
So as most of you know, I've been sick for 3 months now
I've now been on two rounds of steroids, and currently on my third round of antibiotics, which are basically keep me fucntional, not improving
besides general discomfort and pain, my memory has been pretty shot at times, I will go through the day and barely remember what I did/what I'm doing/what I need to do
as someone who had brain fog caused by covid a few years ago, this was genuinely a scary experience because ultimately, this has been worse
i've felt out of control of my body, having times where I'm mid thought and then instantly lose it
this is not my normal, I usually pride myself on my memory, so losing it has been incredibly devastating and scary
this was not helped by the fact that the quick care I went to (THREE TIMES for this) basically kind of sort of tried to gaslight me into believing nothing could be done and that it's not an infection
so not only has this entire thing has gotten dragged out so much more, which makes me sad tbh, but I've also felt like I've been going crazy bc it felt like no one was believing me when i said I was sick and not getting any better (including friends, family, coworkers etc, though unintentional on their parts to be fair)
I feel like I've lost three months of my life and coming to terms with that has been, yeah
on top of all that, I'm still in school AND doing grad stuff, and while the school side of things has been okay (thank god), grad's had it's moments, won't get into it but have had multiple issues with my advisor that have been at times just really tough to deal with
Confused spirit got pushed to the back burner, because i quite literally at times could not think, and when it comes to this fic, where there's multiple ongoing plot threads, characterizations, lore, and so on to keep track of, it was just, impossible to me to even consider writing for it
having shorter stuff like promptober, the oneshots and such was great to keep me writing, and also still interact with everyone in the community, plus i had a lot of fun with them so that helped too
this is all to say that I do sincerly apologize for the delay, and at the very least I should've clearly communicated about there being a hiatus, when this all started I thought i'd be down for two weeks max, then as that time kept increasing I just kept putting it off and putting it off because i thought i was going to get better, and then I didn't
I do this for fun and for nothing else, fic writing isn't content (it's engaging with fandom) and i have to remind myself of that sometimes but given that I've been around in some capacity on and off I feel I should've said something in some regard
Having said all that, I'm doing okay now! Still sick, but as long as I'm on meds I'm functional, stuff is getting managable with grad, and hopefully have some fun things coming up irl! Point is, the last three months haven't been the best, but they've been alright, due in part to all the support you all have given me, so thank you for that, can't say it enough :)
Okay, I think that just about covers it, thank you for taking the time to read all of this if you did <3
#thank you again Shay it is very much appreciated#despite all the difficulties#i enjoyed this chapter a lot#and I hope you all do too ^_^#fnaf dca#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#sundrop#moondrop#dca fic#Confused Spirit#x reader
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Nothing Wrong With Emotions
Platonic!Anakin Skywalker x Reader
Masterlist - Join My Taglist!
Written for Fictober 2024! Requested by Anon! Hope you like it, Nonnie, and thanks for being patient through the delay!
Fandom: Star Wars
Day Twenty-Six Prompt: "You were the first."
Summary: Anakin's at the beginning of the worst two days of his life. Thankfully, his best friend is there when he needs them, and they're more emotionally intelligent than some of the other Jedi.
Word Count: 4,903
Category: Angst, Fluff
Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.
My mind whirled as I marched through the halls of the Jedi temple, the length of my to-do list rapidly creeping towards overwhelming. This war had been going on for far too long, and even worse, there'd been a growing disturbance in the Force that had been nagging at the back of my mind for days. I kept glancing outside, expecting to see dark storm clouds through the windows to reflect the storm I felt coming with every fiber of my being, but the bright blue sky was unobstructed.
Something was wrong. I knew it, and so did the entire Jedi Council and then some. But none of us could quite figure out what.
Until anything more concrete could be figured out, we all still had mountains of work to accomplish. I needed to visit Jocasta in the Archives, check out five different books, bring a few to the Creche, meet with Master Windu-
My mind and body came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the hallway like I'd physically run into a wall. My to-do list, the lurking low-level disturbance in the Force, and just about everything else in my mind had just been shoved violently to the side by the feelings being put out by my best friend, who was apparently just down the hall from me.
Anakin Skywalker and I had met when he became a Padawan. We'd crossed paths regularly enough and spent enough time together that we'd bonded quickly, and now, he was probably my closest friend in all the worlds. As a result, I could usually read and feel him through the Force better than anyone else. But with the knot of negative emotions he was putting out right now, I was betting a Jedi in the Outer Rim would be able to notice.
I frowned, dropping my data pad on the nearest table and turning to go after Anakin. I had no idea what could've caused the hornet's nest of energy my best friend was putting out, but there was no way I was going to go about my day and ignore it.
I had to jog a little to catch up to him, since he was walking away from me. I caught him at the end of one of the Temple's hallways, seemingly headed for the hanger. I grabbed his elbow before he could round the corner, and he whirled on me with such a fierce scowl that, had it been anybody else, I would've flinched.
"Ani? What's wrong?"
Anakin practically growled, his shoulders up by his ears and his jaw clenched. Still, he had the gaull to say, "Nothing."
I scoffed. "My friend, I've never seen a more obvious lie in my life. I know you much better than that, although you apparently don't think so."
That negative air around Anakin instensified. He was clearly hanging on by a thread. I glanced around the hallway, and although no one else was around, I knew from first-hand experience that the Jedi Temple wasn't always the best place to process strong emotions.
"Alright, how about we go somewhere else?" I suggested, gently taking Anakin's arm again. He kept his glare trained on me, the swarming storm still clearly raging, but he didn't try to pull away from me either. Gently, slowly, I led Anakin away from the Temple, and thankfully, he followed.
"Where are we going?" Anakin barked, the first words he'd managed since his lie in the hallway. I glanced back at him with a smile.
"A place that's good for processing shit. Just trust me for a minute, okay?"
Anakin didn't respond, but he didn't make a move to leave, either, and the dark cloud centered on his chest didn't get any bigger. We climbed into my speeder, and after a short ride, parked at the top of one of the tallest buildings on the planet. The sun had just started to set, painting the sky in beautiful colors that didn't match the lurking darkness at all.
I hopped out, and when Anakin didn't immediately follow me, I motioned for him to do the same. After another moment's hesitation, he slowly climbed out of the passenger seat, glaring doubtfully around us.
"What is this place?" he asked. His tone had lost some of its gravel, which was a relief. I smiled and spread my arms wide, gesturing to the rooftop before us.
"This is paradise," I said. "A smaller, separate loction to the Coruscant Gardens. I made friends with the gardeners here a while ago, and they agreed to let me come up here and hang out whenever I wanted, as long as I don't hurt the plants. It's become my favorite place to be when I need... space. From the rest of the Jedi, to process things, from the war and the senate and whatever else... for anything, really."
"What do you mean, when you need space from the rest of the Jedi?"
I turned back to Anakin with a raised eyebrow. The set of his shoulders alone told me he knew exactly what I meant by "space from the Jedi", but they also told me he might not be in the mood to be teased about it.
"Well... you know, sometimes the Council and everybody can get a little... stuffy. And they taught me a lot of great techniques for managing my emotions, but meditation takes a lot of fucking practice and doesn't always work for me, especially in the middle of a storm. So, I've found other strategies for when the regular Jedi ones don't work. And from the energy you're putting out into the world right now, I thought you could use something like that."
Anakin frowned, but he took a few steps closer to me, away from the speeder. I gave him a tentative smile.
"Are you saying meditation doesn't work for you? That... that what the masters have taught us doesn't work for you?"
I shrugged. "A lot of the time, it does. More and more the more I practice. But sometimes, no, Ani, it doesn't work for me. The feelings are too strong or get too built up, and I need another way to bleed off steam before the kettle boils over, so to speak. Like this!"
I turned from Anakin and raised my hand, using the Force to start the program I'd put together up here years ago. To the side of the garden, in the empty parking space next to my speeder, a plate shot up and into the air. I used my blaster to shoot it before it could come back down, and I grinned as the thing shattered to pieces. Then, I turned back to Anakin with a smile.
"It's more satisfying to smash the plates by hand, but I can't do that from a distance, and I wanted to show off."
Anakin just stared at me for a long moment. To my relief, his surprise and confusion seemed to be taking over some of the space his anger had been occupying before.
"Are you really telling me that when you're angry... you come up here and smash plates?"
"When I get angry enough, yeah. It's not a fix, though, it's just a pressure vent. When I really feel like I'm going to lose it—like when I heard about what General Krell did, and all I wanted to do was go kill him in his cell—I come up here and let some of that rage vent off. Then, it's easier for me to use other, less destructive strategies to manage things. But Ani, I don't think I need to tell you, trying to mediate when you feel like your blood is boiling and every nerve in your body is screaming? It's... not the easiest thing to do."
"No," he said, voice grim and the scowl back on his face. "No, it isn't."
"So then let's smash some plates! Come on, I promise it'll help. And then maybe you can tell me a little bit about what's wrong. Talking usually does wonders for strong emotions, too."
Anakin looked dubious, but we'd been through so much together that he trusted me enough to try.
Anakin moved into the space I'd specfically designed as a sort of protected area for plate-smashing, picking up the first thing he saw. He held it up, but paused briefly and turned back to me. The rage swirled around so strongly, I swear it almost manifested physically around him.
"And you won't tell the Council about this?"
I snorted. "No! Fuck the Council! Smash some plates!"
Anakin huffed, then didn't wait another second to do as I said. He moved like lightning, grabbing one plate and then another, hurling each one into the ground. He kept going, getting more and more worked up, the anger rising up and around him as he let it all out. He became more and more frenzied, then slammed one last plate into the ground so hard that parts of it became dust, before letting out a long, loud scream.
I just watched him, being careful not to let my emotions bleed out through the Force too much. Watching my best friend clearly in so much pain was tearing me up, but I knew Anakin would hate the pity, so I needed to move past it for both our sakes.
Finally, as the scream died out with the last of Anakin's air on that breath, he slumped forward, breathing hard. Still, his shoulders were lower than his ears for the first time since I'd found him in the hallway, and that roaring wave of anger had quieted a little, being joined with frustration and sadness.
I gave him a second, then slowly approached when I was sure he wasn't going to reach for another plate. I put a hand gently on his shoulder, and when he turned to face me, I found him with tears streaming down his face and the same fierce scowl he'd had earlier.
"Anakin," I said, trying to strike the right balance of calm and firm. "Talk to me."
"I can't," he ground out. "I can't talk to you!"
"Why? I swear, everything stays between us. But the plates are just the first part, Ani. The second part is talking things out and finding a way to move forward-"
"No!" He'd been shaking his head for most of my speech, but he broke in when he couldn't take it anymore. "There are things you don't know, that I can't tell you!"
I studied his face, trying to figure out what exactly he might be referring to. I had a couple of theories, but Anakin still didn't seem to be in a good place to respond to theories, so I decided to take a different approach.
"Okay... is there any part of what's bothering you that you can talk to me about? Even something smaller, that's been part of the buildup? Or you could just tell me about the feelings without talking about the cause."
Anakin took a few deep breaths, clenching his jaw as he took heavy breaths in and out. He looked to be at war with himself, so I just concentrated on putting out calm, non-judgemental energy and hoped for the best.
Slowly, Anakin straightened. I let my hand drop back to my side, but I didn't take a step back. A lot of the manic energy had disappated from Anakin, but none of the emotions had yet.
"Master Windu doesn't trust me. I- I found the Sith Lord."
"What?" I cried, leaning forward and grabbing Anakin's forearm. "Anakin, are you serious?"
"It's Chancellor Palpatine."
I just blinked at him for a few moments, trying to take that information in. Then it was my turn for some fear and negative emotions to take root in my chest.
"Shit. Are you sure? Of course you're sure. Oh, this is the absolute worst-case scenario. Anakin, did you tell Windu? What did he say? If he's not going to do something, we-"
"He's going to confront the Chancellor with Masters Fisto, Tiin, and Kolar. I told him that the Chancellor is very powerful, and that they might need my help. I offered to go! But he refused to let me come. Told me to sit and wait for their return in the Council Chambers."
I frowned again, my mind racing a million miles an hour. I didn't let go of Anakin, and I could feel just how carefully he was watching me. Knowing that Windu and other Jedi had gone after the Chancellor was simultaneously scary and a relief, but in both cases, it meant he was currently someone else's problem. I could put that on the backburner to pay attention to my best friend, at least for now. I took a deep breath and shook my head.
"You think Windu told you to wait in the Council Chamber because... he doesn't trust you?"
"I know it. He told me himself I'd earn his trust only after he returned from confronting the Chancellor, only if I was correct."
I narrowed my eyes and huffed. "That's fucking ridiculous."
"You sound angry."
"I am angry. You've been here for a long time, Anakin, and you've done so much for the Order and for the galaxy as a whole. If Windu has a problem, he at least could've put it a little more diplomatically."
"I don't think I've ever seen you angry before."
The shock of that statement was enough to shake me out of my thought. I met Anakin's eyes with surprise.
"What? Yes you have."
"No, I haven't," he said, a bit of irritation in his voice. Thankfully, it was the kind I normally heard from him whenever we bickered, not the more serious kind. "Jedi don't get angry, just like you, and just like Obi-Wan, and just like every other damned Jedi but me!"
"Anakin... what? Of course Jedi get angry! Do you not remember me threatening to kill Kenobi when he threw out the Outer Rim delicacy I tracked down while we were out there because 'he thought it looked spoiled'? I literally almost punched him in the nose!"
"No, I don't remember that!"
"Kriffing hell! You must've been training or something with Ahsoka. Whatever. The point is, Anakin, everybody gets angry. Everybody humanoid, at least! It's emotion, which all of us have. Even Obi-Wan, who I'll admit, is remarkably good at not letting anything get to him."
Anakin just stared at me, looking absolutely thunderstruck, so I continued.
"We also, like you and everyone else, get sad and scared and exhausted and irritated. And happy and excited and impatient! It's normal to feel, Anakin. I'm sorry if somebody made you believe otherwise."
He started shaking his head, slowly and then much more quickly and frantic.
"No. No, that's not the Jedi way. The Jedi aren't supposed to feel, we aren't allowed to feel."
"If that were true every last one of us would've been kicked out years ago! Anakin, you can't control your feelings. You can control how you handle them, and that's what they're always trying to teach us at the Temple. But there's no amount of training or pratice or meditiation or whatever that can just magically make you not feel anger, ever again."
I saw Anakin's mind working as it processed what I'd just said. He seemed to accept it, at least, before I could feel his attention shift in the Force, and his fierce scowl returned.
"Even if you're right, no amount of 'handling' would help me."
"What are you talking about? Come on, Ani, I'm your best friend! If you can't tell me, who can you tell?"
"No one! I already told you, no one! I'm... I'm running out of time..." The sharp storm of anger changed abruptly into one of fear as Anakin's attention shifted away from me and back to the city. "We've been here too long. I need to go, now!"
He started taking off for the speeder, and it took my brain a few moments to catch up to his 180 degree shift. Once it did, I ran after him.
"Anakin, stop! Please, talk to me!"
I caught the edge of his robe and pulled it back. The moment I did, Anakin whirled on me, his expression a storm that threatened to bowl me flat. Still, I didn't flinch, and I didn't give up an inch.
"I can't be here! I'm running out of time! Padmé-"
He stopped abruptly and scowled even deeper, but the name was already out of his mouth.
"I knew this had something to do with her! Come on, Ani, talk to me. What's wrong? Is she okay? Is she mad at you? Is somebody coming after her again?"
"It's... It's none of your concern!"
Anakin whipped around again, pulling his robes out of my grip, but I called after him.
"If something's wrong with my good friend and my best friend's wife, then it's absolutely my concern!"
That got Anakin to stop dead in his tracks. He turned back around to me, his expression wild as the wind from up here blew his hair. I just stared back with a raised eyebrow.
"How do you know about that?" he demanded. I scoffed.
"Anakin, please! I'm your best friend, and the two of you are absolute shit at hiding it! I literally walked into the kitchen on one of the Cruisers and found you guys making out."
"When?" he demanded, sounding indignant.
"You'd know if you'd had an ounce of awareness! You were so busy making out with your wife that you literally didn't even notice I was there. I turned around and walked out because I did not want to see that for another second, and you clearly wanted to keep it a secret on some level. But this was months ago."
Anakin looked like I'd just shoved him over. I put a hand on my hip and raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to recover from his shock enough speak again. When he'd just about got there, I continued.
"Now seriously, Ani. If something's wrong with Padmé or your future child that you conveniently forgot to tell your best friend about, I want to know about it. I want to help you."
Anakin blinked a few more times, then finally sighed. He took a few steps towards me (and away from the speeder), his shoulders slumping.
"I... I've been having these dreams. I haven't been able to tell anyone but Padmé about them, and she keeps telling me they're nothing. But they weren't nothing when I was having dreams about my mother."
I closed the rest of the distance between us, putting an arm around Anakin as I eased him into sitting on one of the garden's benches, close to the edge of the parking lot. His hands shook as he held them up to emphasize his speaking, and the second he noticed, he shoved them between his legs.
"I keep having nightmares about Padmé dying with our children, as she's having them. There's something very wrong, but she won't believe me, and I can't talk to anyone else about it without telling them about our relationship. It's on me to save her. The Chancellor seemed to know, seemed to want to help me... and I don't know that I have another choice anymore."
"...Anakin. You just told me yourself that he's a Sith lord."
"But what other choice do I have?" he cried, exploding again. "I won't lose her. I won't let her die! I was too late to save my mother, I won't be too late to save Padmé. Master Windu says he doesn't trust me because he can feel my fear, but how else am I supposed to feel?"
I nodded, taking a deep breath as I put my hand on Anakin's shoulder again. He was seething, but he tolerated it.
"Your fear is valid, Anakin. If I had recurring nightmares about losing you, I'd be sticking to you like glue on missions. And that's without the factor of children! But if you starting taking rash, drastic actions as a result of that fear—like trusting a Sith lord who's been lying and manipulating his way through the Jedi for years—it might just cause exactly what you're scared of in the first place."
"So what are you saying? You're telling me I should do nothing, too?"
"No! Just... take a few deep breaths, and make your decisions with as rational a head as you can. From what I remember you telling me, Anakin, the dreams about your mom were actually visions happening in real time. And I'm sorry to remind you of that at all, but that means they were different than your dreams of Padmé. I saw her walking around the senate chambers today. She's not already dead."
Anakin took a deep breath as, to my relief, my words seemed to manage to get through to him, at least a little bit. When he spoke again, it was at a normal volume despite the words being a bit strained.
"That doesn't change the fact that she's in danger. Just because she's alright for now doesn't mean that she won't be-"
He broke off, clenching his fists and squeezing his eyes shut tight. I moved my hand from his shoulder to take both of his hands in mine.
"Has Padmé gone to her doctor lately? To check out whether anything is wrong? She's due soon, isn't she?"
"Yes. She's due soon. I don't know if she's been to a doctor since the dreams started. The Jedi... things have been keeping me from her recently."
"Well, okay then. For Padmé's sake and your own, let's sit up here and take a few deep breaths. I know that sounds like what everyone else in the Order's been telling you, but we did smash plates earlier, so I'm hoping you'll trust me. Then, once we're acknowleding the fear but making it take a backseat on decision-making, we can go see Padmé. We'll talk to her, and go see her doctor, just to check everything out and make sure it's all okay. I'll go with you to maintain the 'friendship' cover as much as possible. With all of the technology and medicine available to us, Anakin—especially since Padmé serves in the senate and you're a Jedi—any complications should be completely treatable and preventable. Then, once you're feeling alright about that, we can make a choice."
Anakin narrowed his eyes, then raised an eyebrow at me.
"And what choice is that?"
"If you want to stay with Padmé, we stay with Padmé. If you want to talk to Windu, we work together and come up with a plan for you to talk to Windu. Hopefully, by the time we get back to the Temple, he and the others will have defeated Palpatine and we can put all this behind us. But one way or another, we can practice and work out a conversation starter for you to discuss with him why he doesn't trust you, and how that makes you feel. It might not change his mind, but I really think it'll make you feel better to get it out there and talk about it with him. Calmly, though. As much as you might want to yell at him, and as nice as it might feel in the moment, it'll only make you worse off in the end. Which is why we come up here to smash plates first."
To my immense relief, that last part made Anakin crack the smallest of smiles. The knot of fear and lingering anger was still there, but much smaller, and confined to just a part of my best friend. That overwhelming knot I'd noticed earlier was almost entirely gone.
"I... think I like that plan. At least the first part of it."
"Good, then let's go do it. Just remember, Ani: I'm here for you. Odds are good that you're going to feel really scared and really angry again as we deal with the next few days. And that's normal. We just have to practice managing it, and I'm here for you whenever you need help with that."
"...Does that mean I officially get access to this place whenever I want it?" He gestured to the garden and smaller plate-smashing station around us, and I smiled.
"Sure. But you're gonna have to do some shopping for cheap plates before you come up here again. Believe it or not, I'm just about out."
"Seems like a pretty low number of plates you had up here. Aren't you supposed to be more prepared than that as a Jedi Knight?"
"Plate shopping was on my long list of errands for today. But... I ended up having more important things to do with my day."
The two of us shared a smile, and although Anakin's was weak, it felt like the sun shining down on us to me. We weren't out of the storm yet, but looking at my best friend in that moment, I knew we were both going to get to the other side okay.
****************
"Oh... my stars."
I grinned, my feeling echoing Obi-Wan's as the two of us and Ahsoka were led into the delivery room. Padmé laid in the bed, a baby cradled in her arms, and Anakin stood beside her with the other baby in his.
After Anakin and I's long talk on the roof, and after getting through some of the immediate aftermath of dealing with Chancellor Palpatine being a Sith lord, he'd finally decided to share his and Padmé's "secret" with Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, along with Rex, Cody, and a few of the other clones we'd been to hell and back with. Literally all of them had already known, but everyone other than Obi-Wan pretended to be surprised for Anakin's sake, and the knowledge meant a lot more to all of us now that Anakin had voluntarily shared it with us.
Even after all the doctor's appointments and support from his friends, I could feel the weight that had lifted from Anakin's shoulders with Padmé sitting in bed now, tired but healthy, their babies just as healthy and delivered in their arms.
"Wanna hold her? Her name's Leia," Anakin said, gently holding the baby in his arms out to Obi-Wan. He looked about knocked flat, but gingerly held his arms out all the same.
"Of course I do."
Anakin smiled, gently putting Leia into Obi-Wan's arms. Ahsoka headed over towards Padmé, and I was about to follow her when Anakin caught me, taking my arm and gently pulling me aside.
"Do you have a minute?"
I nodded, following Anakin as he led me just out of the room and into the hallway. I raised an eyebrow, but I could tell from Anakin's energy and the smile on his face that this was nothing bad.
"I have something to ask you."
"Okay... spit it out then. Dad."
Anakin's smile was enough to outshine the sun, and it warmed my heart to see him like that.
"Well, Padmé and I talked, and... since both of our lives are so dangerous, and since I may or may not be able to continue in the Order depending on how well we can continue to hide our secret..."
I scoffed, but Anakin ignored me.
"We wanted to make you the honorary, support-parent of the twins. I'm not going to let anything happen to us, but if something ever did... we want you to take them. And either way, we want you to be involved in their lives as... a mentor, of sorts."
"Anakin... I don't need a title or an official invitation to do everything I can to be in their lives. Frankly, not even death could stop me. Since Force ghosts exist and all."
Anakin grinned. "I know that. But I want you to have the title anyway. I mean, who better to help guide my kids through life than the person who made sure I didn't let my fear ruin any shot at actually seeing them?"
"...Surely someone else has told you that emotions are a normal, healthy thing for you to be feeling?"
"Believe it or not? You were the first."
I smiled, then moved forward to wrap Anakin in a tight hug. He didn't waste a second returing the gesture.
"I would be honored to play a role like that in the twins' life, Ani," I said, not letting go of him as I spoke. "Thank you for trusting me with it."
"Thank you for helping me get a hold of everything. I love Obi-Wan, but... he never managed to teach it the way you did. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't found me when you did."
I squeezed Anakin tight, letting the seriousness live on for another moment before pulling away with a grin.
"Are you kidding me? I'll always find you, whether you want me to or not. I'm your best friend. You can't get rid of me, and you can't hide anything from me. And don't you forget it."
Anakin scoffed and rolled his eyes, but I could see how genuine the smile on his face was. I clapped him on the shoulder and took a step back towards the delivery room.
"Come on. I'm honorary guardian of the twins, and I haven't even met them yet. Obi-Wan's been holding Leia for long enough, it's my turn now."
"Good luck getting her back. Did you see the look on his face? I think I'm going to have to force him to let her go."
The two of us shared a laugh as we reentered the delivery room. The past few years of the war and the past few weeks especially had been brutal, on all of us. And there was still a lot of work to be done putting things right. But some very, very good things had come out of it, too, and no matter what came next, we'd always have each other.
****************
Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen @misshale21
#fictober24#star wars#anakin skywalker#the clone wars#the clone wars fanfiction#star wars fanfiction#star wars oneshot#star wars imagine#star wars x reader#the clone wars x reader#the clone wars oneshot#the clone wars imagine#anakin skywalker fanfiction#anakin skywalker imagine#anakin skywalker oneshot#anakin skywalker x reader#platonic!anakin skywalker#platonic x reader#padme amidala#revenge of the sith
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Flip A Switch - Lando Norris
Lando Norris Mafia AU
As much as we try to suppress the stigma, strong women will continue to be perceived as intimidating until you learn to love us.
THIS IS DISCONTINUED PLZ READ NO TIME TO DIE INSTEAD - SAME PLOT BUT BETTER
PART 1 - Unnecessary Violence
Women are small. They should act naive, innocent and weak. That's what you were told. That's what i was still told. Mother said it's the most attractive thing a girl can be. My brother said it's the safest thing a girl can be. Daddy said it is the most stupid thing that i could be. 'Be strong', daddy said and to that i would reply with what my mother and brother had instilled into me. Anger would rise up, "You're a bright girl y/n, but you trust too easily. That'll do you no good if you follow in my footsteps."
I wanted to follow in his footsteps, i really did, but i was stuck in the contrasting beliefs of society and my father's expectations. I wanted to do him proud, he after all risked his life everyday to keep our family safe. But i was just a girl, what could i have done?
Daddy never got a real funeral, that's just the way it was for us kind of people. I think of him everyday, but no one dares to utter his name which leaves my mind to be his only place of rest. After he passed, my mother went awol, i haven't seen her in months. My brother is now mad with power, thinking that he can drag daddy's organisation from the pits it collapsed into. He is wrong. Daddy always said Keegan didn't have the ability to work in such a treacherous environment, but of course he never listened.
"Keegan, daddy wouldn't have wanted this. This is so far from how he'd organise things" I exclaimed, chasing after him down the halls of our family home. It was supposed to be an 'event' of sorts to celebrate my fathers life, too little too late i thought, Keegan never celebrated his life when he was actually alive. I was certain this was an attempt at gloating to his so called peers about his ever so important role, despite it being quite the contrary, he is only making things worse, which is literally impossible, but somehow not for Keegan.
"Just because you were dad's favourite does not mean that you know how to run this company, y/n. You're still a little girl. You know nothing. I learnt it all the day Dad bailed on us. Stop acting like he was a Saint, because, if you actually knew anything about how to run this, you would know he was far from it."
I wanted to fight back, but causing a seen was wrong, unnecessary and exactly what he wanted, and you would see me dead before I followed another mans orders, related or not.
The halls were starting to burst with people. The luxurious fabric of suits and gowns brushing against my bare arms as a turned from my brother and stormed away from his ignorance.
The corners of my mouth slightly turned upwards as i caught glimpses of those that i knew but not enough to allow them to want to stop for a conversation. The amount of people i didn't know however most certainly outweighed those that i did and that was how my brother worked. Quantity, not quality. All ego, no class, clarifying to me that this is in no way what my father would've wanted and is unfortunately all down to my brothers stupidity and selfishness.
The mafia is a dangerous place. Being the daughter of a previously feared leader does underpin you with some stereotypes. I, however, wasn't as conformist as the other girls that i knew. I wouldn't let the sleazy sons of other organisations tempt me into going against my family for a below average shag in the back of a stolen car. I'd like to think i had a little more class. As i looked disgustingly at the girls who were doing just that the mingling started as the sound of erratic jazz music drowned out the painfully boring conversations of controversy. Not even a week earlier most individuals were likely to have been literally at war.
I glanced across the room, my mothers 'friends' dotted around, judgemental scowls plastered across their faces. There we certainly some unusual and dangerous occurrences unfolding in front of me.
The jazz music cut off abruptly as my brother clambered on stage a few feeble looking goons following him in a pathetic attempt in looking intimidating, my hand instantly raising in humiliation.
"Well, that's embarrassing." the presence beside me uttered into my ear. My eyes raising in the attempt to recognise who the husky voice came from. Empty eyes were starring into mine, looking as disappointed as i was at my brothers underwhelming speech that he's spluttering out. I hummed in agreement turning back to the mess unfolding in front of me.
"I'm Lando."
Lando.
I recognised his face, flashes of my fathers profiles flickered through my mind as i tried to put name and face to his crime. He once worked here, but was found to be a rat.
"Norris?" Rat.
His eyebrow raised along with the slight quiver of the corner of his lip. "Impressive, you really are your fathers daughter. Perhaps it should be you that is up there." He nodded towards the stage.
An unsettling feeling rushed through my body, pushing his shoulder i questioned, "what do you think you're doing here? Do you not have an inch of respect?"
"I-"
He was cut off as Keegan pinned me as the next victim of his embarrassing 'speech' if you could even label it that. "And there she is." His eyes dark, filled with hatred. "The attention seeker of the family. The reason that dad died. The reason that i was neglected as a child. My father never appreciated me, i was the one destined for this life. I worked so hard to make him proud but princess y/n/n always stole the limelight. Which is why, you're out sis." He spat.
I felt empty, shocked. Out?
A hand wrapped around my bicep dragging me through the crowds of people. My senses finally kicked in after i was out of the hall.
I shook off the grip, "get off me!" I yelled. One of brothers goons looking into my eyes. "Out." He stated, nodding his head towards the entrance of my home. I tilted my head in shock.
"No. Fuck you. This is my fucking house. Who do you think you are?" My arm swung for his face, knuckles connecting to his cheek with unexpected force, after the shock had escaped him he grabbed my arms, pinning me to the wall my face pressing onto the cool surface. I felt the barrel of a gun press into my skull. Fuck. "You just find it so easy to fuck things up don't you. Keegan didn't say kill you, but i do fancy seeing your brains splattered against this wall."
"Why because you think it'll make Keegan love you a little bit more. Aw so cute-," i heard the gun being cocked and then suddenly all of the pressure he held against me fled my body, bang.
Swinging round, I was expecting pain to hit my body, nothing came. There he was lying on the floor, Lando standing above him, gun in hand starring at the victim on the floor. Silence filled the corridor and the hall that i was just forced out of. "Out. Now." he glared at me, his eyes flickering to the entrance doors behind me.
We began walking towards the doors before the guest in hall, looked out in curiosity to see a dead boy on the floor, blood pouring from his head. "I didn't need your help." I demanded as we excited what was once my home.
A snort left his nose, "you know, some how i don't think that is true and you're welcome by the way." We reached his car, to which he nodded his head to.
"You're joking, right? You really are mad if you think i'm going anywhere with you, whether you saved my life or not, i do not want to be around you.", now it was my turn to laugh.
"So you admit that i saved your life?" I rolled my eyes and began to walk down the road.
"They'll be after you. We can help you." he shouted down the road.
"See you around, Norris." I yelled back. No way in Hell am giving him what he wants, at least not right away.
***
Keegan hadn't tried to find me, but opposing gangs had and although i can certainly fight my own in a 'normal' situation, when fifteen groups of ruthless and revenge hungry men are after you it becomes hard to leave your house.
"You could just give Norris a bell." Mandi suggested. Sitting in her box room which in fact had been my bedroom for the last two weeks. She was my only friend and the only one who knew everything about me. But things such as what she just stated shows how she can still be so out of touch.
"No."
"Y/n. Think about it. Your life is at risk and as much as your dad hated the McLarens*, he would've hated you dying more." She attempted to reason, and she was right,. "And who gives a damn about your brother, do you not want to help McLaren in taking him down? He literally tried to kill you!" she exclaimed.
Rolling my eyes, "well no he didn't, just one of his goons."
"You trust too easily. Please just think about it, gorgeous. You're the strongest person i know but right now, you can not fight this battle alone." She sighed getting up from my bed, "love you, goodnight."
"Night Mands."
I don't need your help, but I think we can come to a mutual deal.
-y/n
Y/n, I knew you'd come round. Are you currently busy?
Yes i'm going to bed. I'll discuss terms tomorrow. Night.
————
Masterlist
A/N
*im using the car names as gang names as I'm just that uncreative!
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A Little Brain-rotting Theory on The King of Puppet's design...
A couple of nights ago I had a realization, something about the KOP's second phase body always looked off to me and I couldn't identify what. It's not his entire body but his pelvic area in particular. For a while i didn't give it too much thought, kept on drawing him mostly as human anyways so I wasn't observing his model as well as i should have.
Then one evening as I was scouring the web for refs for a piece unrelated to Lop it finally clicked. Now bear with me! This is going to get weird but trust me it'll perhaps make sense to you too. To be clear I am not saying that my mad theory is canon subtext nor is intentional or has any legitimacy. This could very much be a case of the devs taking aesthetic inspiration and nothing more. What I'm trying to get at is that there's probably no meaning/symbolism behind it at all.
Okay so, why does the KOP's crotch area interests me so much? That part of his body always remind me of something I'd seen but couldn't remember what. Now I do...
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/25d53538f50f6cde2e7aa18480a56d8e/9e78f6d64b056adc-1e/s1280x1920/48e43c9a28343e182c94c9bddcc8e40948928576.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/743d9735a4b2cff24363085c50ce9040/9e78f6d64b056adc-c7/s540x810/ac540eb7686c52fcd18a84d46ecf9c3c64f12439.jpg)
Romeo’s whole pelvis area bears quite the resemblance with Chastity belts.
I know, I know, I know! Absolute brain rot but hear me out! I already brought this up on Discord and had a wonderful back and forth with two lovely people who get the logic behind this theory. They both brought up some very interesting ideas and facts that had slipped my mind and made this headcannon even juicier. So let’s just entertain the idea that this design choice is intentional for a few seconds. Just a few seconds….
For starters we need to focus on who designed this, that bitter bastard Geppetto. We all know Geppetto planned most if not the entire chaos that happened in Krat. The confrontation between P and Romeo as well, note that out of all the bosses outside of the Nameless Puppet and arguably Murphy(but he’s there before we go into the boss battle so..). Geppepe only shows up personally to greet P after baby boi kills Romeo. It’s the only time he does so. Almost like he was both scared that something would go wrong and also in trepidation of what was to come. There’s a palpable glee in his voice post KoP fight.
In the dialogue Geppetto even acknowledges he shouldn’t be there, it’s risky.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9c7f2565ced4ee1fcc80f1e2b80a6322/9e78f6d64b056adc-cd/s540x810/0cb1ee588fb688ce522994ea0d664eab4f1c9b93.jpg)
First of all, what was his lard ass going to do to help P win this fight?! Bind P with his shiny puppet strings and force him to finish what he'd started? A question for another day...
The point being that this fight could potentially make or break all the hard work Gep put into his scheme. So he HAD to be there, to keep an eye on everything. On his “precious” son lest he step out of line and join the KOP or worse…
I'm also bringing this dialogue up because Gep said a line one of the people i was discussing with reminded me of and that i always found absolutely bizarre.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/56073e8fa266e5ab6088542a06883dd5/9e78f6d64b056adc-36/s540x810/0dda94d8a98c30d8a85a09421b28ef871aff1d4b.jpg)
WTF is that supposed to mean?!! What do you mean Geppetto?! Why are we talking about Romeo's inability to reproduce?!!
The answer is simple. It's cause Geppepe is taking pleasure in all of this. In my mind this implies Gep probably hated Romeo. For a couple of reasons that are in the realm of hc but make sense if you think about it.
Romeo was up until Carlo's death, the closest male figure he constantly had around him. Living together in a boarding school would only help to strengthen their bond. Carlo would certainly seek him out first for comfort or advice before ever considering going talk to his old man.
Gep is a controlling father and possibly very possessive. With his neglect only widening the distance between him and Carlo. I could totally imagine a preteen/teenage Carlo ditching his dad to go hang out, write letters or talk on the phone for hours with his friend instead of spending "quality" time staring at the whites of Geppepe's eyes (or his back) during holidays. This defiant nonchalance could only anger Geppepe further.
Geppetto doesn't strike me as the type of person who's capable of introspection. He'd notice "terrifying" changes in his son's attitude and instead of questioning his life choices, he'd probably blame that street kid Carlo can't keep out of his mouth nor out of earshot.
We all know the reputation boarding schools had back in the 1800s, specially same sex boarding schools. So I'm going to point you to this banger of a post https://www.tumblr.com/ideas-on-paper/754559262628462592/on-carlo-and-romeos-relationship-homosexuality?source=share by @ideas-on-paper. They go a lot more in dept than i ever could. The summary is young boys and girls in same sex boarding schools got their freak on.
We see Gep's neglect truly peak in Carlo's early childhood, we don't know what went on in his late teens nor his early adulthood. This of course requires you to share a common hc that both Carlo and Romeo died around the ages of 16-19 at most. Perhaps during those later years Gep began to pay close attention to Carlo and his entourage. Worse yet. maybe he even began to intrude in his son's intimacy.
Putting those ideas together paints a very vivid picture of this trio's potential dynamics. Gep ignores Carlo, Carlo begins to resent Gep, Romeo and Carlo grow closer as they live and age together then Carlo ignores in turn his dad in favor of enjoying the company of the only male figure in his life that truly loved him and showcased it. Thus, hatred for Romeo takes root deep within that old bastard.
What does that have anything to do with Romeo's crotch being built to resemble a chastity belt you might ask. Well imma have to give you some historical context through screenshots of the most relevant bits of the articles on this obscure subject. I'll post their links at the end of the post(It's surprisingly hard to find more info on this subject and I'm not an essayist okay!!), in case anyone wants to read them.
For starters most articles corroborate the same story. The chastity belt legend meant to keep women from cheating on their husbands is a myth. An urban legend that gained fame during the 18th and 19th centuries. Before this period, they were mostly referred in satirical texts and works such as…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e7f219886bf76b96ef2d8207662fefd0/9e78f6d64b056adc-69/s640x960/a92da97a729c4cf9ae6951a542e31db57f27b31f.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d59cec837f017232ecb4e0881f2c6fe7/9e78f6d64b056adc-b9/s1280x1920/4f9df6d3ca78f10e44f64dcb9680a246b6cb3748.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a65cc2e673959cbe6d1622af5bc83ff7/9e78f6d64b056adc-08/s540x810/e4a0b9c29e1169e0fd899689d8abd15014b513ab.jpg)
Most historians agree that the chastity belt myth became widespread due to 18th/19th centuries forgeries and the general modern populace (This includes Victorians, Belle Epoque era folks and us) unwillingness to believe our ancestors had a sense of humor. Apparently Victorians were fascinated with this type of nonsense and believing them to be true, gave them a weird sense of “superiority”.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/00de846c9ab3d36f0c1a4585c2aa2470/9e78f6d64b056adc-fe/s640x960/855b72bdd47fb227d03f604b2e2d85fe835db3d5.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/bd98e956360296a7acb66cd30fa34bf3/9e78f6d64b056adc-b2/s540x810/8d5c76078f8889d6f81850bb7c07ca4b1a9d34ac.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7b698846e09b2f380abcf2f3bd4d921b/9e78f6d64b056adc-1b/s540x810/45cadafabb275c3e493981712988f91346b5955f.jpg)
So we now know that those belts were probably machinations from Victorian con men or tricksters. This brings us back to Krat and its Victorian/Belle Epoque ways.
Bet your ass, Krat had fuckery just like these irl examples. Crowds of rich folks ready to pay hefty prices to ogle at shocking spectacles and the likes. But we're going off the rails here...
Coming back to our main triangle here, I think the design of Romeo's pelvic region is no coincidence. Me thinks Geppetto is taking the piss out of Romeo. On top of turning his childhood best friend reincarnation/successor/physical clone or whatever you wanna call P, against Romeo. Gep had to add insult to injury, he felt a need to rub salt on an open wound.
Why? My first hypothesis is that Gep believed Romeo and Carlo were an item. And whether his disapproval for this relationship was motivated by homophobia or sick possessiveness is something i'm gonna let you mull over. Is there any evidence to support his suspicions? Once again I'll let you decide. Both versions of the story are equally as juicy to me. Gep growing jealous because he starts to notice healing hickeys on his son's throat despite a lack of girlfriend, is chef's kiss.
DISCLAIMER: THIS ISN'T A GEPPETTO/CARLO POST. My idea for his emotional turmoil resembles more that of a parent seeing their child not as a person and more as a possession. Think boymoms or girldaddies who hover over their child helicopter fashion but in a very toxic way. This isn't about incest but you can view it that way if that floats your boat.
In contrast, Geppepe's suspicions could be pure paranoia. Doubt he wouldn't have heard of the rumors about boarding schools, if he hasn't been to one himself as a young boy. Couple that with the strong bond Carlo and Romeo share and you get a lunatic psycho like Geppetto foaming at the mouth. There probably wasn't anything going on but just the thought that there might be, could push that man to do unspeakable things like trying to end a whole man’s ability to ejaculate/reproduce and emasculating him in the process.
Let’s assume for a minute that hypothesis number 1 is true. Carlo and Romeo are an item behind closed doors but being horny teens, they conceal it very badly. One could argue that Gep figured out or discovered through whatever means that Carlo and Romeo took each others’ virginity and boom! We have one possible motive for this suspicious design.
It’d be his way of saying “oh yeah?! You think you can sully my son like that you filthy gutter rat?!! Well think again! I’m ending your ability to nut and I’ll make it obvious to the whole world! No descendants for you asshole!” Hence the weird little line about no heir. Not that Carlo could get pregnant anyway but Yknow it’s said like a sadistic little reminder “oh I cut your dick off.”
Unless Carlo was trans…but that’s another story for another day.
Hypothesis number 2
Doesn’t change much from the first besides the fact that there is no romantic relationship. Romeo and Carlo are simply two lads who share a very close bond and love each other platonically. They’re there for each other when need be since both lack stable parental figures for differing reasons but manage to find common ground and comfort in this friendship.
Their closeness still bothers Gep, who blames Carlo’s “mischievous” attitude entirely on Romeo instead of reflecting on his own faults. This spurs Geppetto when presented with the opportunity to turn Meo into a puppet to “rectify”, take revenge or whatever awful sentiment might motivate him. In my opinion, even if they brushed the subject and Romeo denied it, Geppepe would refuse to believe him.
Either way Romeo’s gonna suffer.
Hypothesis number 3
Romeo was a compulsive masturbator and Geppetto thought it wise to put a stop to it. 🤷🏻♀️
Frankly idk where I’m going with this…
I think I’ve said everything I wanted to say. Big thanks to the two folks on discord who helped me flesh this whole hc out.
That was long as hell and it’s almost 5am for me, so I’m gonna call it a night and thank u for reading this nonsense. I’ll probably edit this at a later date and add a few things i probably forgot.
#lies of p#lop#lies of p pinocchio#lies of p headcanon#lies of p theory#Promeo#Carmeo#Geppetto is a freak#This game has too many unintentional and intentional dick jokes#So why not add some emasculation and cuckoldery to the mix#writing dumb hc posts at 4am is not a good idea
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Hail storms
Requested: No
Warnings: Spicy 🌶, Religious themes (Kyle’s), Oral Sex (Kyle’s) Toxic relationships (Simon’s), Angry Sex (Simon’s), Bondage (Alejandro’s), Spit Kink (Alejandro’s)
Characters: Kyle “Gaz” Garrick, Simon “Ghost” Riley, Alejandro Vargas
Word Count: 1,448
A/N: New layout, woooooo!!!
Gaz - I’m Not An Angel
I wasn't always this way
I used to be the one with the halo
The weight of the gold cross on his clavicle burned as he watched you from across the pub, the sound of Soap’s laughter, of Price’s scolding words, of Ghost’s heavy breathing, it all faded into the background. Like the static of an old radio that you could never tune quite right. But you, you were clarity. The perfect pitch of some singer rising above the other soft noises.
He’d never had a one night stand before. Thought about it, prayed about it, but he could never bring himself to do it. Could never bring himself to let himself taste the sweet fruit of sin that he so often craved. The same one his pastor warned him of when he was but a boy, years before the man that sat in his place now. But he finds himself crossing that threshold now, the devil tugging him closer, a marionette on cursed strings.
“Hi.” He says, as he sits beside you, fingers trembling as he holds onto his mug of cheap beer. “I’m Kyle.”
But that disappeared when I had my first taste
And fell from grace
The taste of you in his mouth was sweeter than anything he had ever had, more than the grapes his mother used to pack in his lunch tin when he was younger, but yet you were also more bitter than the wine that followed communion bread. Innocence turned to pain and fear and blood. But none of it could ever be more holy than. No holy relic would ever be able to bring him to his knees the way flesh between your thighs did.
And when you ran your nails through the stubble of his hair, your eyes piercing and heavy as you stared down at him, he knew the cross he wore meant nothing anymore. A false idol, trying to take your rightful place in his heart. He squirmed impossible closer, tongue out as he panted for air, so desperate to keep tasting you that he was barely a centimeter away.
The chain of his cross broke easy under the grip of his fist, and he heard the soft ting of it hitting the floor, before it was lost to him.
It left me in this place
I'm starting to think, maybe you like it
Kyle woke last the next day, an unusual occurrence considering his line of work. The smell of freshly brewed earl grey curling pleasantly in his nostrils, rousing him from the pleasant warmth of your bed, flaccid cock hanging at his thigh when he slips out from beneath the sheets.
“Love?” He mumbles, feet dragging on the ground, feeling all too much like a newborn lamb, limping after its shepherd after just being born. Like the world was made anew, with you as his guiding light.
And that light led him to the kitchen, where you leaned against the counter, dangling his cross between your pretty fingers.
Meeting his eyes as you let it slip into the trash.
Ghost - I Miss The Misery
When you tell me you'll make it worse
(I'd rather fight all night than watch the TV)
The front door slammed open, your shoulder blades digging painfully into the hardwood as Simon rammed you into it, his hands ripping away at your clothes (clothes he bought you, clothes he loved on you, clothes he always loved to take off), your own tearing away at his skin, nails shredding away at skin like cheap paper, leaving raw bloody lines on his back that were sure to sting .
Some bitter and angry part of you hopes that the next time he tries to have a sleazy fuck with someone else, that they’ll see this. See what you do to him. And know that they’ll always be insufficient by comparison.
Cause no matter how hard you fought, no matter how loud you got. There was a simple truth you needed everyone to know about him.
He was yours. Now. Always. Forever.
I hate that feeling inside
You tell me how hard you'll try
“Promise I’ll get better.” He’s whispered in your ear countless times, curled around you after the latest round of angry sex, clinging to you like a lifeline, like he hadn’t had his hands curled around your throat not even half an hour ago as he told he how much you pissed him off, how much he hated you. “Never do it again. Promise, Love.”
And it was always a lie.
But he promised everytime, even knowing it was futile, fragile, already broken. Floating in the air like the moans you let out in the bedroom, under him with his teeth buried in your shoulder. Fucking you like he wanted to kill you with his dick. Headboard slamming into the wall so hard it cracked, brittle paint chips falling to the floor. And you couldn’t deny how god damn good it felt, everytime you fought your way back towards each other. Like opposing magnets, like heaven and hell.
But when we're at our worst
I miss the misery
The morning after, he was in the front room of the house, grouching and grumbling loudly about how he had to fix the hole the doorknob made again. His side of the bed was still warm from his gargantuan body, making you curl into it, seeking him and his heat out without specifically calling for him, though you knew he would come running with only a word from your sore lips. Eager to flee back to your side and crawl above you once more.
You smiled into the pillows, one full of teeth and mischief.
You couldn’t wait to do it all over again.
Alejandro - Do Not Disturb
Let's take our clothes off
I wanna show you my hidden tattoo
“This is cute.” You chuckled against his lips, back pressed firmly against the cool wall of his apartment, running your fingers over the crow tattoo that arched over his broad hip. The beady eye of the mischievous avian staring right back at you.
“Yes, what every man wants to hear during sex. Cute.” Alejandro laughed in return, darkened hazelnut eyes gaining a hint of amusement as he took your hand and placed it right on the patch of black ink. “Go ahead, touch it. You’re the only one that’ll ever get to see it.”
“Only me, huh?” You cooed in an almost mocking tone of voice, raking your nails along the razor sharp feathers of the ink bird. His skin jiggling pleasantly for you when you reared your hand back to give his ass a playful little slap, the sound of it reverberating in the room along with his grunt. “Well, aren’t I just honored?”
That nobody ever gets to see but you do
Oh baby let me taste ya, shake ya, tie you up and break ya
Hands tied above your head with a silk tie, his silk tie. A brilliant deep blue that stood out against the barebones gray sheets and pillowcases. Blue digging into your wrists in a delicious combination of pain mingling with pleasure. The same as his hips slapping against you with every inward thrust.
“Such a good pretty thing you are.” He huffs, leaning forward and pressing your knees to your chest, constricting your airflow just the smallest bit, white starbursts flashing behind your eyelids. “Letting me tie you up and have my way like this. Gonna let me spit in your mouth next?”
In response, you simply opened your mouth and let your tongue roll out.
'Cause I've been alone, left on my own for too long
Oh damn, too long, too long, too long, I say come on
“Come on.” He huffed, tweaking your nipple, grazing his teeth over the thin skin that stretched over your collarbone, a bruise or two sure to form with how rough he was being. “Come on, come on, come on.”
And come you did, with seizing muscles and flailing legs, a high pitched cry crawling out from your lungs and bursting out your swollen mouth, tears streaming down your cheeks in rivers as you throw your head back in ecstasy. Barely even noticing the way his hips started to stutter before he spilled inside of you, thick white seed covering your insides. Rolling his hips a few more times to really push it all in before he pulls out and collapses beside you, narrowly missing crashing on top of you.
“So….” You start after a few minutes of you both catching a breath, turning to him with sparkling eyes and a mischievous grin. “Round two?”
#cod#call of duty#kyle gaz garrick#kyle gaz garrick x reader#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#alejandro vargas#alejandro vargas x reader
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the silt verses, pt. 1.
dialogue prompts from eskew productions' the silt verses.
there are people who are born to the land, and people who are born to water.
someone made a sacrifice, but the angels never came.
they'll never know we were here.
we leave no trace that can't be swallowed up.
come on. i want a goddamn cappuccino.
a god must feed. a god must be fed.
i am already so very tired.
i grew up somewhere like this, you know?
are you sulking?
you don't need to be so offensively blatant.
could you go back to saying you're sorry?
after the stories i've heard, i think i was a little in awe of you.
i'd genuinely like to know more about you. i'd like us to get to know one another.
ask me anything you'd like.
what's your read on ____?
when did you first find your faith? what caused it?
you did say i could ask you anything.
we shouldn't have come out here.
my phone isn't working. i need to use yours.
it's a long time since i've been happy.
i hate you. i've always hated you.
i don't understand what's happening to me.
i don't want to have this conversation.
i'm so proud of you, darling.
people always seem to underestimate ___.
there's nothing false about ___.
nobody'd ever told me that before. that i could be good.
you can come in. i'm not afraid of you.
everyone wants a personal relationship with the divine, but none of us are prepared for the consequences.
i've been here before. i know the signs.
how would you define a domicile?
i didn't say i didn't remember.
tell me more. i think i might understand.
i thought people were supposed to leave notes for each other.
this isn't something anyone should have to deal with.
sometimes when you can't put an end to things, it's better just to keep them stable.
i can't see you, but you're everywhere around me.
i think about you plenty.
you need to talk to me.
you think you don't deserve to be happy? i'm here, and i'm telling you that you do.
if there is a god haunting this place, i don't think it's mine.
you can never quite get away from people, can you?
we're all in danger, and you're wasting my time.
the sun is setting, and these woods are a place you can get lost. that is a certainty.
catch up or stay behind, that's up to you.
is it like you remember it, coming back here?
everything's so overgrown here. it's like this place wants you to lose your way.
there's them that lead, and them that chase.
i need quiet, and space to think.
we're both going to die here.
it's almost funny.
drive, you fool! drive!
they always want answers of you, don't they? i never know what to tell them.
you were back late last night.
you thought you were being subtle?
that sort of thing happens in other towns, but not here.
no escape is truly clean, but at least once you've left, you don't have to look at the mess.
the more people who know the story, the worse it gets.
we each get to choose the thing that eats us.
the things we see when we're young root into us like nothing else.
i dislike people who talk too much.
you should learn to pay attention when other people talk.
i shouldn't have to fight you to give you what you want.
you'll have to learn to live with other people.
what's a life without something to devote itself to?
i never expected to get this far.
you have to believe there's a plan here, or you could use your mind.
strange gods make for strong gods. make something too human, we'll know what to expect from it. something less human, we won't know what it's capable of achieving.
i don't see the use in being so cynical.
you're the best of us. you make me get up in the morning when i don't want to.
survival is not treachery, and i will not feel ashamed for it.
there is no meaningful change that comes without pain.
fucking up is more your vocation than your talent, isn't it?
you don't know what i'm capable of.
you didn't interest me before. you certainly don't frighten me now.
you might as well tell me. you're probably going to kill me, anyway, aren't you?
it takes long enough figuring out how to live with yourself, and then you have to figure out how to live with others.
do you recall when you were last happy? truly happy?
what's the use of a voice, if it goes unheard?
stories are snares, someone told me once.
i have never once known what i am doing.
i don't get out much.
nobody's ever caught me in a lie. they can't make it stick to me.
i have no intention of ever becoming a victim.
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Together
n2 squad aka Leona x Vil x Jamil idea inspired by @mellosdrawings
this drabble is crossing cannons aka not cannon cannon aka (don't think to hard on it i wrote this because i had a cute thought an wanted to wright it)
-
according to the schedule is which dorm takes care of Lilith an Grim which week. as per usual when Vil gets Lilith for a week he spoils the crap out of her. This week will be no exception however he had something a little different planned.
-the night before the new week-
"as you know this week our dorm will be in charge of Lilith's care"
"i know?"
"lucky you"
"well i wanted to do something special we have discussed having kids in the future an i thought all of us could try helping Lilith this week together as a unit"
"sure I'm in as far as kids go Lilith is no where near as hyperactive as Cheka is"
"hate to rain on your parade but that might not work well"
"why not?"
Jamil dramatically points at himself
"oh yea she's scared stiff of you"
"how could i forget she cried her eyes out when you ran into her at night during your stay at the dorm for practice"
"didn't you save her though? during the whole Styx rescue?"
"she was asleep the whole time i doubt she knows what happened unless someone told her I'm pretty sure she has no idea that, that occurred"
"worry not I'll butter her up so when you make your appearance she won't be as scared"
"we'll figure it out sense Vil is dead set on this being a team effort an all" Leona said in a rather dry sarcastic tone which earned him a pillow to the face from Vil.
--the beginning of said week--
Vil had only knocked on the door once before hearing the shuffling as the door swung open Lilith jumped into Vil's arms "VIL!!!!!!"
"my little star!" Vil scoops her up an swings her around
Leona had the biggest smirk on his face he just knows Vil spoils the crap out of her to get that reaction our of her.
"hi Leona...are you sleeping over to?"
"heh yea something like that"
"your not allowed to steal our bed like you did last time jerk!" the shrill voice of grim caused them both to look down at the displeased fur ball. "i'll set you on fire if you do"
"i'd like to see you try-"
"so Lilith not that i need it but i will be getting a little extra help this week watching over you"
"i don't see Rook an Epel"
"that's because its not them this time its Leona an someone else who is very special to me they will be coming over later"
"ok you're here so i know i'll have fun" Vil giving her little kisses on the cheek for that one, Lilith is Vil's trial daughter would have loved to adopt her but was informed it was out of the question.
while Leona an Vil where playing with Lilith they had Jamil sneak into the kitchen the plan is to hopefully bribe Lilith with food to forget her trauma....
Lilith was holding a little tea party she tied ribbons in Leona's hair who just let it happen because Lilith seemed to be having a good time.
"a splendid party like always Lilith!" whenever Lilith is happy she glows so it makes it very easy to tell if she is lying about liking something but she gets rather embarrassed when you point that out.
Jamil had a trey of sweets he only took two steps into the room when Lilith lifted up her head saw him an screamed. 'about what i expected' Jamil thought to himself right before a plastic cup smacked him in the face curtsy of a scared Lilith.
Vil scooped her up trying to calm her down but she was wailing "NO NO GET AWAY!!! MONSTER!!!!"
monster probably hurt him the worse but considering how he treated her while be Over blotted he expected that reaction. he placed the trey on the floor an left the room.
it took Vil quite some time before Lilith calmed down an when she did Leona scooped her up an fed her some sweets gave Vil the look of 'i got this one you get him' an Vil left to check on Jamil
"i apologize i knew she was scared of you but i didn't think it was still that bad"
"you have nothing to be sorry about....this is my own fault"
"i know you didn't mean to-"
"take it out on her? yea well when i over blotted i did! i swatted the rest away an tormented a toddler...."
"but you also saved her even if she doesn't know that you did"
"she won't ever know an that's fine...I'm normally better with kids you know? if we did this whole practice thing with any other kid i could have shown off how capable i am an-" Vil kissed Jamil on his cheek
"i know how capable you are"
--
Leona swaying Lilith about trying to get her in a sleepy mood but she seems to shaken up to sleep. "hay squirt want to hear a bedtime story?" Lilith nodded
"k..." shit guess he actually has to now "long ago...actually it wasn't that long ago probably a week ago a big bad guy with blue flames for hair kidnapped a princess an challenged 5 hero's to stop his evil plan an save the princess they had to split up in order to have a chance of beating him leaving many trials an tests along the way on of those hero's was yours truly an the other was Jamil" hearing his name even during the story made Lilith tremble a little but leona swung her around a bit before nuzzling her face making her giggle "how can a monster be a hero you might be asking yourself? monsters can learn to grow from there mistakes i to had moments of being a monster but i grew out of it" for the most part.
"anyway all the hero's including the monster agreed that we had to save the princess as well as stop him he made it real tough you know every time we made a big attack he kept holding the princess just out of reach so we couldn't save her but i guess it takes a monster to know a monster because the monster saved the princess dove over an grabbed her from the clutches of the bad guy"
"Jamil really do that?"
"yup saw him do it with my own eyes"
"...." she was still fuming "listen kid you don't gotta forgive him for what he did don't blame you if you don't, but i promise you he regrets hurting you an he is trying i promise"
"can i get a different bed time story?"
"nope, you're stuck with the one i gave you"
"Vil would have told me another one"
"I'm not Vil"
Lilith stuck her tunge out him an Leona repeated the motion back at her. "good night little herbivore" he tucks Lilith in an she is sound asleep in minutes.
next morning Jamil making breakfast in the kitchen his plan was just to make food an leave before Lilith woke up. he stopped when he heard a ruffling "grim is that you? you have to wait until Lilith gets her share before you eat it all-" he turned an froze when he saw Lilith peeking from behind the wall just staring at him. he turned away from her so she wouldn't have to look at his face.
he heard tiny foot steps he could tell she was standing right behind him. "thank you" his head went up but he didn't turn around he wasn't expecting that.
"thank you for saving me....Leona told me you saved me from a monster..." she then kicks the back of his leg "i still don't like you though" an she ran away to go get dressed into not P jays
Jamil left standing in the kitchen alone with his thoughts till Vil an Leona came by. "you didn't have to do that"
"what tell her the truth? well i did hopefully she'll throw less stuff at you now-" Jamil rested his head on Leona's shoulder in a very subtle way of saying thank you which Jamil was to shy to say. Leona an Vil hugged him close let him know he wasn't alone an they would figure this all out together.
"hay can i eat food now or do i have to wait till your done hugging an shit" that earned Grim a smack from Vil "you better not say such vile things around Lilith"
"ow! i'd never after all im her role model"
"yikes maybe we should have Lilith move dorms so she has better role models"
"I'm all for that, i say Pomefiore she would have much better role models including Vil"
grim blew out flames "NO SHE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE"
"aw you do care about her"
"duh! She's my henchmen!"
the three of them laughed as they helped get Lilith an Grim ready for class today.
#lilith = yuu#twst#twst oc#jamil viper#vil schoenheit#leona kingscholar#n2 squad#the rest of the week was fine for the most part#Lilith still feels uncomfortable around Jamil but is trying#if you ask Rook who has been watching this threw the windows the whole time it went perfect
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Sorry ig in advance since you get questions a lot but got curious about a few things
1. Is it normal for pwASPD to view unbeneficial relationships as chores? I know I, a likely prosocial, when I don't see the benefit in a relationship, I have to view it as being a chore to continue it.
2. If a connection is established between harming others and being harmed, will a pwASPD, for lack of a better term, be able to mimic empathy or remorse?
3. Do you know if pwASPD and another comorbid disorder, if the other disorder causes already low or fragile self esteem (like another cluster B), can seem like they don't have ASPD?
These are mostly for project research but also out of curiosity because I can
Nothing to be sorry for!!/gen
1.) Oh yes. So very, very much yes. And honestly, it's even worse than a chore - more like if a dead-end job decided to stop paying you but you'd go to jail if you quit. If you've ever seen a kid stuck dress shopping with their mother on TV, that's the way I would like to act through every single interaction with an equal part useless and annoying but unavoidable prosocial irl. Every single non-Exception prosocial is that coworker you hate who won't leave you alone./hj Joking aside, not all prosocials are actually that annoying actually. So it kind of depends; sometimes it's fine at least for me.
2.) Yeah, I'd say so. This goes differently for all of us, but for the most part "connection formed" would probably go in the direction of an Exception, and that's where some symptoms of ASPD are lessened for those of us that have them. That includes often having some degree of effective empathy and/or a desire to work on cognitive empathy with them in particular (I use them as practice to make the necessary use of cognitive empathy less annoying with non-Exceptions). Ditto with remorse for some pwASPD, though for me in particular that depends on the Exception in question. Some still do not bring out remorse in me for whatever reason. This is a good place to note that actually, since I don't think I've mentioned this elsewhere. Exceptions do not all have to be the same even for the same pwASPD. Two friends may have different symptoms they alleviate vs don't affect vs worsen, and of course platonic vs sexual vs romantic Exceptions often vary in that as well. For me and a few other pwASPD I've met, this may also occur with some groups of people who aren't Exceptions but cause an Exception-esque response. For me, kids get that as most do other people struggling with mental health disorders beyond just depression and anxiety (nothing easy about those two it's just in our current world most people have those). If I hurt a kid's feelings, 25/10 times I am going to cry with them or force myself not to. And that will vary for each pwASPD based on how much social neurological development was completed before it was fundamentally changed and started developing antisocially too. Some of us have more empathy than others, or more remorse than others (and vice versa) in general, so that'll impact those situations too.
3.) So this depends on what you define as "seem like they don't have ASPD", though it won't be self-esteem that affects that. Generally I'd point that more in the direction of NPD. But yeah, looking at the symptoms of ASPD, there are a few specific disorders that cause someone who very much has ASPD to not be diagnosed and/or believed both professionally and personally. In personal relationships, it's honestly just not being a serial k*ller that will get most to think you don't have it. Professionally, you're looking at disorders that cause social problems (such as autism, SAD - social anxiety, and GAD - generalized anxiety), impulse control (ADHD mostly), emotional instability (bipolar disorder, IED - intermittent explosive, ODD - oppositional defiance, and yeah your other cluster b PDs). There are others that make a whole lot less sense imo to get in the way of an ASPD diagnosis too. Schizophrenia comes to mind, with some professionals thinking that it's just... so many episodes of psychosis that it starts to look like ASPD which, don't even get me started on how much of a medical failure it is that I have heard of that specific thing happening. But mostly, it's going to be the ones I listed previously. None of these are mutually exclusive with ASPD, but they have symptoms that overlap with or mimic ASPD's, and so you'll have genuinely good professionals who are trying to avoid over/misdiagnosis where it applies to a *very* stigmatized disorder, and you'll have lazy ones that don't care to try and pick out which it is if not both. That will all just depend on the pwASPD's presentation of symptoms. I had more than one professional refuse to believe I had ASPD, and my (very lovely and dilligent/gen) psychiatrist was also leaning to just diagnose autism until I said some line about the reason I try for social interaction not being because I want to but because everyone has to to be able to get what they need in life. Once she realized I see it as an irritating requirement to associate with other people - even ones I kind of like - she quickly turned on that and diagnosed both. That's why it's important to speak openly and with as much of the mask removed as possible without getting yourself in trouble. They will try and avoid labelling you with something like this unless they are 1000% sure because of its connotations and the social and professional implications of having ASPD. It is very possible to pick out which is which or if it's more than one with overlap in regards to any set of comorbidities even outside of ASPD, but it takes a lot of work for that to be done properly especially if you're still masking in front of them.
I have no issue with anyone asking just out of curiosity by the way. Seriously like I guess I see why some people feel weird about it, but genuine interest is the reason why disorders get looked into, researched, and potentially normalized and accepted. There is nothing wrong with being interested in any topic as long as you're respectful in your interactions with sensitive subjects, and this ask was completely respectful, so I'm happy to answer it./gen
Plain text below the cut:
Nothing to be sorry for!!/gen
1.) Oh yes. So very, very much yes. And honestly, it's even worse than a chore - more like if a dead-end job decided to stop paying you but you'd go to jail if you quit. If you've ever seen a kid stuck dress shopping with their mother on TV, that's the way I would like to act through every single interaction with an equal part useless and annoying but unavoidable prosocial irl. Every single non-Exception prosocial is that coworker you hate who won't leave you alone./hj Joking aside, not all prosocials are actually that annoying actually. So it kind of depends; sometimes it's fine at least for me.
2.) Yeah, I'd say so. This goes differently for all of us, but for the most part "connection formed" would probably go in the direction of an Exception, and that's where some symptoms of ASPD are lessened for those of us that have them. That includes often having some degree of effective empathy and/or a desire to work on cognitive empathy with them in particular (I use them as practice to make the necessary use of cognitive empathy less annoying with non-Exceptions). Ditto with remorse for some pwASPD, though for me in particular that depends on the Exception in question. Some still do not bring out remorse in me for whatever reason. This is a good place to note that actually, since I don't think I've mentioned this elsewhere. Exceptions do not all have to be the same even for the same pwASPD. Two friends may have different symptoms they alleviate vs don't affect vs worsen, and of course platonic vs sexual vs romantic Exceptions often vary in that as well. For me and a few other pwASPD I've met, this may also occur with some groups of people who aren't Exceptions but cause an Exception-esque response. For me, kids get that as most do other people struggling with mental health disorders beyond just depression and anxiety (nothing easy about those two it's just in our current world most people have those). If I hurt a kid's feelings, 25/10 times I am going to cry with them or force myself not to. And that will vary for each pwASPD based on how much social neurological development was completed before it was fundamentally changed and started developing antisocially too. Some of us have more empathy than others, or more remorse than others (and vice versa) in general, so that'll impact those situations too.
3.) So this depends on what you define as "seem like they don't have ASPD", though it won't be self-esteem that affects that. Generally I'd point that more in the direction of NPD. But yeah, looking at the symptoms of ASPD, there are a few specific disorders that cause someone who very much has ASPD to not be diagnosed and/or believed both professionally and personally. In personal relationships, it's honestly just not being a serial k*ller that will get most to think you don't have it. Professionally, you're looking at disorders that cause social problems (such as autism, SAD - social anxiety, and GAD - generalized anxiety), impulse control (ADHD mostly), emotional instability (bipolar disorder, IED - intermittent explosive, ODD - oppositional defiance, and yeah your other cluster b PDs).
There are others that make a whole lot less sense imo to get in the way of an ASPD diagnosis too. Schizophrenia comes to mind, with some professionals thinking that it's just... so many episodes of psychosis that it starts to look like ASPD which, don't even get me started on how much of a medical failure it is that I have heard of that specific thing happening. But mostly, it's going to be the ones I listed previously. None of these are mutually exclusive with ASPD, but they have symptoms that overlap with or mimic ASPD's, and so you'll have genuinely good professionals who are trying to avoid over/misdiagnosis where it applies to a very stigmatized disorder, and you'll have lazy ones that don't care to try and pick out which it is if not both. That will all just depend on the pwASPD's presentation of symptoms. I had more than one professional refuse to believe I had ASPD, and my (very lovely and dilligent/gen) psychiatrist was also leaning to just diagnose autism until I said some line about the reason I try for social interaction not being because I want to but because everyone has to to be able to get what they need in life. Once she realized I see it as an irritating requirement to associate with other people - even ones I kind of like - she quickly turned on that and diagnosed both. That's why it's important to speak openly and with as much of the mask removed as possible without getting yourself in trouble. They will try and avoid labelling you with something like this unless they are 1000% sure because of its connotations and the social and professional implications of having ASPD. It is very possible to pick out which is which or if it's more than one with overlap in regards to any set of comorbidities even outside of ASPD, but it takes a lot of work for that to be done properly especially if you're still masking in front of them.
I have no issue with anyone asking just out of curiosity by the way. Seriously like I guess I see why some people feel weird about it, but genuine interest is the reason why disorders get looked into, researched, and potentially normalized and accepted. There is nothing wrong with being interested in any topic as long as you're respectful in your interactions with sensitive subjects, and this ask was completely respectful, so I'm happy to answer it./gen
#is the culture unmasked?#who knows?#tw sex mention#aspd-culture-is#aspd culture is#aspd culture#actually aspd#aspd#aspd awareness#actually antisocial#antisocial personality disorder#aspd traits#anons welcome
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Kicks Horseshoes
I'm on a bit of a roll I think haha. Time for everyone's 'favorite' football (buckball?) star Mitch.
Notes:
-He has a buckball here, but I'm not sure if that's his main sport per se. He's probably just as good with hoofball (which I think is the MLP equivalent of football/soccer haha) or other similar pony sports. -His cutie mark is pretty simple. He kicks things.
-He still has that gay-ass earring of his, of course.
-I gave him markings that have a 'scorched' vibe.
Side note, I think I finally figured out where the knee belongs on these cartoon horses haha. Progress. Only Ayame and Kakeru left!
Though don't think I'll be done with this au after doing all their designs, ofc! I'd love to share some of the little moments I have in my head, and maybe some group dynamics as well if I have the spoons for it, at some point.
more ramblings below
Kicks is a renowned athlete who quickly rose to fame. He's most known not for agility or strength (though he isn't lacking in those departments either) but his bucking. To the point he adopted a nickname given to him by his fans referencing it.
Unfortunately, Kicks' talents didn't come alongside him being a good team player, or even really a teammate in general, and making things worse, his pride became pretty inflated with all the attention he was getting.
After several years of top-tier games, his personality ended up pretty atrocious, and he ended up getting thrown from team to team, taking whichever offers suited him at the time. (And ignoring the fact that a lot of the team swapping was probably related to his inability to connect and cooperate with his compatriots...)
If that wasn't bad enough, he quietly gained a reputation for being a complete ass when it came to mares. Turns out, being famous wasn't enough to land a date, and eventually, the ladies started to avoid him like the plague. Embarrassed and selfish, he even tried to woo ponies in his professional sphere, which led to several conflicts, the worst of which occurred when he attempted to win the hoof of a maid working at a hotel he was staying in.
For most ponies, that kind of situation would cause one to reflect, but Kicks continued to forge ahead. Though his attempts to ingratiate himself with the mares stopped, Kicks never slowed down for a second, until the time came when he was forced to.
That moment came in the middle of a championship for his hometown. One of the last places Kicks still felt welcome. In a twist of fate that even Kicks still doesn't understand, he doomed their chances of winning completely by himself.
Even his fellow athletes couldn't figure Kick's abysmal performance out. It wasn't a bad day, or one or two poor decisions on the field. It was a disaster one could only see happening thanks to complete incompetence, or intentionally.
So, Kicks was leveled with a serious accusation, one that threatened to throw him off the stage he had known for so long. But he had nothing to prove he hadn't attempted to throw the match, and after burning so many bridges on and off the field, nopony came to his defense.
Saying Kicks was 'retired' wouldn't quite be accurate. But maybe, away from the spotlight, and finally forced to confront his own actions over the years, even a two-bit pony like him could change a little. Well. We can only hope, anyways.
Look, I know. A big backstory for this guy? I'm not sure how either, but I had a lot of thoughts, haha. It's kind of fun thinking about him being a disgraced athlete. (you can blame a certain fic for that I suppose haha) It's also interesting to navigate what to tone down when inserting this cast into Equestria... Kinjo and Mitch's backstories were certainly unique in that way. Making things a little more PG without removing the core? I guess.
#enquire's dra ponies#enquire art#dra1 fanart#danganronpa another#dra1#mlp art#mlp crossover#my little pony#mlp fim#mitsuhiro higa#buckball is serious business folks#cant deny the guy is fun to draw#in pony form too#you are the worst mitch#but you still get to be in the au i guesss /silly
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Hi, loved your recent Stephanie Brown post regarding the violence, the rage and general ruthless scrappiness that to me is an essential part of her character.
It also however has always begged a question in my mind I'd be curious to see your take on.
Namely, how do you think Stephanie's willingness to potentially kill or let someone die fits into a Stephcass relationship?
Cos, its easy to see how it works with basically any other character, but their relationship is so distinctly unique and Cass's stance on the subject quite iron-clad.
Not in the sense she won't help a murderer try to change, but in terms of not tolerating anyone dying under any circumstances.
That its hard to see how they'd grapple wither with the fact Stephanie would be willing, or more notably if it actually happened. Obviously context counts for a lot, but yeah, just generally curious.
Ooh good question. I think that overall Cass will never stop believing in Steph despite her willingness to kill. She saw that anger during Steph's Robin run when she threatened to kill Penguin but she also saw Steph step in to comfort a crying child when Cass could not on the exact same mission. Steph was also honest with her about where that anger comes from and why it still exists. So I feel like even if Steph did fall to morally greyer moments than Cass could accept, Cass would be firm in her belief that it doesn't define Steph the way Cass's kill defines her. Steph can change, Steph can be better etc. Even if Steph did kill a villain (in self defence) I could actually see adult Cass defending her? Not the act itself obviously but what it means for Steph as a person. Because obviously Steph would have a bunch of conflicted feelings and the bat's judgement wouldn't help with that, and Cass would be able to pick up on that and given where they are in current canon I can see her trying to shut everyone else out so she can get through to Steph and guide her onto a path where this doesn't happen again. Cass could never look at her fully the same but that doesn't mean Cass would love her any less. They would both be very very sad the whole time though and feel like they're failing each other even if they never verbally acknowledge it.
That said I can definitely see tension between them if they fail to save some scumbag's life and Cass is devastated but Steph is just... Flippant about it. Like oh no the pedo rapist got shot. Sucks but at least it wasn't anyone else. And Cass would be furious, likely saying something insensitive and accusatory as a response, which would raise Steph's hackles in return and get her from "Yeah we tried but there was nothing we could do." to "Actually I'm glad he's dead fuck him and fuck you for being an asshole about it."
If we're talking batgirl Steph and black bat Cass I think they're both at the stage where they're not willing to let this come between them, even if they both get their feelings hurt they'll apologise and talk it out within a week. Neither will fully accept the other as completely right but I think they'd be surprised to find that it doesn't diminish their respect for each other as much as they feared it would.
Unless, of course, during the argument, Cass gets so disgusted by Steph's lack of guilt over the death that she says those three little words:
"Batman was right."
Because in THAT case... Yeah this argument isn't getting resolved with in a week. It'll take a lot of stewing in their hurt feelings, dredging up past traumas and arguments, and probably outside intervention from at least one or two other batfam members. I have faith they'll work it out in the end! They'll just need a bit of help with the communication and apologies because if left alone they'd 100% make it worse.
Ultimately I think what it comes down to is that after Steph's first resurrection, their bond is so tight that neither of them are willing to give up on it no matter how it hurts, which is rare for both of them honestly! Anger and pride can cause them to get nasty but it's not going to break them permenantly because they tried that and it was horrible and they both kind of have ptsd about it at this point.
Thanks for the ask!
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been thinking about Trish a lot lately, and her connection to Eva
(Big ranty thing with some analysis into her character + my own headcanons about trish below)
She was created to be a carbon copy of Eva, right down to the most unimportant details. So much so that Dante recognized her immediately he didnt even do a double-take, as soon as those glasses were off he saw Eva standing infront of him instead of Trish. (I mean, blonde haired+blue eyed women arent uncommon and its not like Dante has never been into a public space before. Hes probably seen similar women to Eva many times throughout his life, but only Trish was so perfectly like Eva that he couldnt see anything else but his mother in her that first moment they met.)
But thats just physical features. It'd be too easy, too simple for Mundus to just create a look-alike to Eva. And i dont think that alone would've been enough to trick Dante either, Dante isnt an idiot no matter how dumb he acts sometimes. So, how deep into this "recreate Eva" thing did Mundus actually go?
Does Trish experience the same motherly instincts Eva had toward Dante (and Vergil)? Does she feel the need to protect them and cherish them like Eva did? Does she get urges to hold them, kiss and hug them and give them praise as Eva once did in their childhood? If so, does she ignore these feelings, pushing them down untill they're buried so deep within her mind that she's forgotten them entirely, or does she let them be and let them pass on their own, wether she acts on them or not. She's quite sassy with Dante in dmc4 and seems quite aloof in dmc5, so maybe thats how she copes with it instead - acting the total opposite to what Eva ever would.
Going even deeper into that, does Trish have any of Eva's memories? Even just vague snippets or imaginings of Eva's life, considering how well Mundus made Trish then that might not be an impossibility. If so, how much would she have the ability to recall? Could she even recall the fire, maybe? If she can, how would she feel about it. Would she grieve? Feel anger, regret, or nothing at all?
And how would she feel about all of this overall? Being a clone of Eva right down to the gritty details even Dante wouldn't know. Trish is so strongly contrasted to Eva in personality, style and tastes that i'd like to imagine she isnt that much of a fan, put simply. She's her own person, she wants to be her own person and she hates the person she represents. She hates how her existence causes pain to somebody she's wired to care so deeply for - sometimes against her will - and she hates seeing him cry or drink himself to death over that dusty old picture thats been sitting on his desk for decades, knowing that she'll only ever make it worse for him in the end, that his grief extends so far into the core of his being that nothing in existence will ever truly fix it.
She's conflicted.
She's Trish. But is she really? Or is that just who she says she is in an effort to push back and ignore the reality of her existence? Nothing more than a fake, a husk of a person who's time was cut short prematurely then taken advantage of by the very being that killed her in the first place.
She's Trish. Not Eva. She can't be Eva, and she never will be Eva. Nothing will change that. Not a dusty old picture, not an old man's delusions, not some dead demon king who breathed life into her form in the first place.
She's Trish. But who even is Trish? Her entire being has always been about Eva. She doesnt know anything else. So she overcompensates with acting sarcastic and sassy, looking hot and sexy and playing with guns and swords because those are things Eva wouldn't ever do herself. Eva. Again, it all comes back to Eva.
She's Trish. Devil hunter and the most 2000s representation of "hot blonde" one could get. Thats who she is. Or at least, that's who she's trying so desperately to be.
Trish needs more love from the developers, her character is so interesting. I have other analysis' of the other characters too if anybody would be interested in that but for now, ill leave you with my take on the iconic blonde from this wonderful series.<3
#devil may cry#dmc#dmc trish#trish devil may cry#character study#character analysis#headcanons#im planning to write a fic on this topic btw#something like trish having an identity crisis#and trying to find that identity through various means#might include some lady x trish in there as a guilty pleasure#ill reblog and link it when/if i do write it
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I haven't really had any standout favourites amongst the DFF characters and I don't really ship any of the canon ships in the usual sense (i.e. no obsessive brainrot, although I'm enjoying them all from a narrative perspective). But the bombshell that was ep 9 has finally made me latch onto a character. This guy:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/195ce4b2c4900d193ab694f7b6823a6f/88c4cba23e39521b-68/s540x810/9ef0012fccb6f964c78194bc4c59e628e6730a70.jpg)
Although not I think for the most common reason that has caused Tan/New's surge in popularity i.e. being Non's avenger. Because man, New is so much more than that. This kid is a hot mess who's lost everything he holds dear, filled with guilt for failing Non and then his family, seeking answers, revenge, redemption and now has nothing left to lose. I'm so here for it. New's character and his arc is just fucking fascinating to me. Kudos to Mio for playing it so subtle until now and then knocking it out of the freaking park for ep 9.
This kid was the golden child of his family and favoured at least by his mother, and yet clearly felt the pressure of those expectations.
And then! And then! His and Non's whole deal makes my brain buzz. I love me some tragic siblings with a yawning emotional gulf in understanding between them; of a relationship lost or a closeness that never quite made it, of a relationship of two brothers endlessly set against each other and damaged by their parents. A relationship where he failed Non in a litany of little ways by not being there for him, and one always inevitably overshadowed by the comparisons their parents made between them both.
And when Non disappears, New is overcome with guilt! For failing him, and for not being able to be there for him, and so he resolves to find out what happened to him. And he fucking commits to it! This guy throws away his scholarship, his life in England, to fucking redo highschool and infiltrate the gang of kids who bullied his brother! For two years, he hung around with these people pretending to like them and lied to his parents, only to have nothing to show for it and to lose even more when his mother kills herself, his father disowns him and then does the same! This shit would break the strongest of people (and I'd argue something in New is broken now) but he still finds it in himself to kickstart the plan that will bring hell down on these kids.
This kid has lost everything, and is clearly at a place of desperation and despair. But he's still not giving up. Even in the face of ruination and perhaps his own destruction, I feel like New will keep going on regardless if it means finding out what happened to Non. He'll do whatever it takes, burn the world, immolate himself, if it means making that happen.
I think ultimately, I love that New's a tragic, complex character who's been ruined by life and by his own doing, and through ruination, has come out of it unhinged, perhaps even something worse. Someone haunted by the ghosts of his lost family, by his failures and his guilt. Someone with so much potential for further tragedy, who'll likely destroy themselves relentlessly chasing his end goal and end in misery.
TLDR; I love me a haunted, broken, unhinged, fucked up li'l guy.
#i wanna scuttle around in new's brain like a beetle#wind him up and watch him go#dead friend forever#dff the series#dff#dff spoilers#new dff#tan dff
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Character Q&A - AdVenture (parahuman edition!)
We've heard your opinions about running into parahumans, so I was curious how you all think either you or the other AdVenture members would've fared as masks? Maybe who'd go hero and who'd go villain?
Prii: Villain? Grant.
Beth: Grant.
Shauna: Grant.
Grant: Grant.
...what?
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Prii
Uh, me as a mask? That'd be something. I don't know. I'd like to think I'd try my best? I'm not really an action hero type of person though. I like film-making, not sure I'd be great as the star of the show. Well—obviously right now I am kind of the showhost but, we both know that's different from being a mask. Also I really wouldn't like having to listen to the DPR. Rules and constraints and all that. I've been trying to get away from those since I was a kid.
I think Beth would be a good hero. Like, she'd try to downplay it but her heart's always in the right place. She cares a lot, which is more than you can say for a lot of so-called heroes. They're in it for the celebrity. Beth wouldn't be. Shauna, uh, I don't know if Shauna could handle the stress? She'd mean well but burn out, I think.
[MC] I could go either way. Not that I think they'd be a villain! I just don't always know what's going on in their head. They're great at things they're passionate about so it sort of depends how into it they get.
Grant... Grant would talk a big game that he'd be a bad guy, but I don't think he's got it in him to be worse than like... a nuisance. With the right (wrong?) powers he'd be a total menace, but I mean that in a trolling type of way, not a 'striking fear into the populace' way. Still, when it came down to it, I know he'd do the right thing.
Beth
Prii would... try. They would try to be a hero. They would try to be good. That counts for a lot, I feel. Heroes do not hold an inherent sense of morality and justice. It does not simply come with the mask. If Prii became a hero, I do not doubt they would get over their head, perhaps not make the perfect decisions at all times, but nor would anyone need to steer them along and keep them from walking down a dark path. They would do that for themself.
Grant is just the opposite. Absent anyone to keep him on the straight and narrow, he would dive headlong into petty crime, I'm quite certain. Out and out villainy? I'm not going to say that; if I thought so little of him then I would refuse to spend time with him. He'd certainly make a nuisance of himself.
Shauna would... need to find firmer convictions. I believe she would have the heart to be a hero, but I'm not sure she would be able to stick with it. To make hard decisions, and to handle the scrutiny of the public eye. She is a sweet person. The kind of person the world chews up and spits out. [MC] has the grit to be a mask, but I don't know that they have the motivation. It's hard to be certain what drives them at times.
As for myself... of course I would not resort to harming others for personal gain. Conversely, I'm unsure that the heroing lifestyle would be for me. Power begets responsibility, but I have my own goals in life. The concept of my future being preordained because I obtained powers does not sit well with me.
Shauna
Oh! We'd be the coolest superhero team! We could go from AdVenture as urban explorers to AdVenture: the saviours of the city!
Prii's great and they'd work super hard at heroing if they were a mask. I'd um, I'd worry that they would be too fixed on doing their own thing though. Like the DPR isn't always the best but they'd been doing hero stuff for a real, real long time and that experience has gotta count for something. Beth would be like the scary kind of hero! Yeah sure she's always rolling her eyes and calling the rest of us out for things but that's 'cause she cares. She's way too responsible to sit out of the action if she has powers.
Grant is...
Grant, I think is putting on a show a lot of the time. Like that he's this ultra cool guy and nothing fazes him and that he's wayy too much of a bro to care about stuff like this. But um, he does. He does care. He does stuff that he can dodge credit for or if he's gonna get credit he plays it up in this way where he's kinda, downplaying it by exaggerating it? Like you say thanks and he goes "don't worry about it, you just have to worship the ground I walk on", and then you laugh and you kinda stop thinking about how he went out of his way for you.
Which, well, so what I'm getting at is that I think he'd hero while pretending like he wasn't. Like he'd 'just happen' to be there to stop a robbery. Or find a reason that he 'didn't have a choice' to help out. That kind of thing.
Maybe I'm treating it too much like a story, but... yeah.
And [MC] is a good person. I know they'd be a hero.
For me, um...
I know being a hero isn't easy. And I know that I'm not... I'm not always confident or strong or um... good enough. But I feel like, if you know people are getting hurt and it's in your power to do something about it then you've gotta—I'd have to try, you know?
Grant
Prii would try to be a hero so hard it wouldn't even be funny. They like attention, and attention for doing good things? They'd be there instantly. Dork.
Beth already has a stick up her ass about, I dunno, everything? Which is to say that yeah clearly Beth would be into heroing work as well. Would prolly be really good at it too. She's got that single-minded view on things. If there was a chain of command she'd listen 'cause of course she would. Some people are built for it.
Is [MC] built for it? Dude, I dunno. [MC] is a mystery box, and I dunno what they'd do when the chips were down. They'd do something at least. Not the passive type.
Shauna. Shauna Shauna Shauna.
She'd talk herself into being a hero. Right place, right time, right... mentor, I think she'd do ok. There's steel in our girl, even if she doesn't always show that backbone. But people underestimate her. Shauna's out of her comfort zone 24/7 and she still shows up to everything, still does her best. I heard that matters for heroes.
Me... come on, you think I'm gonna give you the inside scoop? If I get powers someday, I don't want anyone knowing what I'll be doing with them!
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No Time to Die LN4
Lando Norris Mafia/Gang AU
As much as we try to suppress the stigma, strong women will continue to be perceived as intimidating until you learn to love them.
(This is a reinvented version of Flip a Switch, i just wanted to start it again, same plot new motivation!)
PART 1 Money Power Glory
Women are small. They should act naive, innocent and weak. That's what you were told. That's what i was still told. Mother said it's the most attractive thing a girl can be. My brother said it's the safest thing a girl can be. Daddy said it is the most stupid thing that i could be. 'Be strong', daddy said and to that i would reply with what my mother and brother had instilled into me. Anger would rise up, "You're a bright girl y/n, but you trust too easily. That'll do you no good if you follow in my footsteps."
I wanted to follow in his footsteps, i really did, but i was stuck in the contrasting beliefs of society and my father's expectations. I wanted to do him proud, he after all risked his life everyday to keep our family safe. But everyone else tells me i'm just a girl what can i do?
Daddy never got a real funeral, that's just the way it was for us kind of people. I think of him everyday, but no one dares to utter his name which leaves my mind to be his only place of rest. After he passed, my mother went AWOL, i haven't seen her in months. My brother is now mad with power, thinking that he can drag daddy's organisation from the pits it collapsed into. He is wrong. Daddy always said Keegan didn't have the ability to work in such a treacherous environment, but of course he never listened.
"Keegan, daddy wouldn't have wanted this. This is so far from how he'd organise things" I exclaimed, chasing after him down the halls of our family home. It was supposed to be an 'event' of sorts to celebrate my fathers life, too little too late i thought, Keegan never celebrated his life when he was actually alive. I was certain this was an attempt at gloating to his so called peers about his ever so important role, despite it being quite the contrary, he is only making things worse, which is literally impossible, but somehow not for Keegan.
"Just because you were dad's favourite does not mean that you know how to run this company, y/n. You're still a little girl. You know nothing. I learnt it all the day Dad bailed on us. Stop acting like he was a Saint, because, if you actually knew anything about how to run this, you would know he was far from it."
I wanted to fight back, but causing a scene was wrong, unnecessary and exactly what he wanted, and you would see me dead before I followed another man's orders, related or not.
The halls were starting to burst with people. The luxurious fabric of suits and gowns brushing against my bare arms as a turned from my brother and stormed away from his ignorance.
The corners of my mouth slightly turned upwards as i caught glimpses of those that i knew but not enough to allow them to want to stop for a conversation. The amount of people i didn't know however most certainly outweighed those that i did and that was how my brother worked. Quantity, not quality. All ego, no class, clarifying to me that this is in no way what my father would've wanted and is unfortunately all down to my brothers stupidity and selfishness.
The mafia is a dangerous place. Being the daughter of a previously feared leader does underpin you with some stereotypes. I, however, wasn't as conformist as the other girls that i knew. I wouldn't let the sleazy sons of other organisations tempt me into going against my family for a below average shag in the back of a stolen car. I'd like to think i had a little more class. As i looked disgustingly at the girls who were doing just that the mingling started as the sound of erratic jazz music drowned out the painfully boring conversations of controversy. Not even a week earlier most individuals were likely to have been literally at war.
I glanced across the room, my mothers 'friends' dotted around, judgemental scowls plastered across their faces. There we certainly some unusual and dangerous occurrences unfolding in front of me.
The jazz music cut off abruptly as my brother clambered on stage a few feeble looking goons following him in a pathetic attempt in looking intimidating, my hand instantly raising to my face in humiliation.
"Well, that's embarrassing." the presence beside me uttered into my ear. My eyes raising in the attempt to recognise who the husky voice came from. Empty eyes were starring into mine, looking as disappointed as i was at my brothers underwhelming speech that he's spluttering out. I hummed in agreement turning back to the mess unfolding in front of me.
"I'm Lando."
Lando.
I recognised his face, flashes of my fathers profiles flickered through my mind as i tried to put name and face to his crime. He once worked here, but was found to be a rat.
"I know." Rat.
His eyebrow raised along with the slight quiver of the corner of his lip. "Impressive, you really are your fathers daughter. Perhaps it should be you that is up there." He nodded towards the stage.
An unsettling feeling rushed through my body, pushing his shoulder i questioned, "what do you think you're doing here? Do you not have an inch of respect?"
"I-"
He was cut off as Keegan pinned me as the next victim of his embarrassing 'speech' if you could even label it that. "And there she is." His eyes dark, filled with hatred and a slur in his speech, he'd never have the balls to do this sober. "The attention seeker of the family. The reason that dad died. The reason that i was neglected as a child. My father never appreciated me, i was the one destined for this life. I worked so hard to make him proud but princess y/n/n always stole the limelight. Which is why, you're out sis." He spat.
I felt empty, shocked. Out?
A hand wrapped around my bicep dragging me through the crowds of people. My senses finally kicked in once i was out of the hall.
I shook off the grip, "get off me!" I yelled. One of brothers goons looking into my eyes. "Out." He stated, nodding his head towards the entrance of my home. I tilted my head in shock.
"No. Fuck you. This is my fucking house. Who do you think you are?" My arm swung for his face, knuckles connecting to his cheek with unexpected force, after the shock had escaped him he grabbed my arms, pinning me to the wall my face pressing onto the cool surface. I felt the barrel of a gun press into my skull. Fuck. "You just find it so easy to fuck things up don't you. Keegan didn't say kill you, but i do fancy seeing your brains splattered against this wall."
"Why because you think it'll make Keegan love you a little bit more. Aw so cute-," i heard the gun being cocked and then suddenly all of the pressure he held against me fled my body, bang.
Swinging round, I was expecting pain to hit my body, nothing came. There he was lying on the floor, Lando standing above him, gun in hand starring at the victim on the floor. Silence filled the corridor and the hall that i was just forced out of. "Out. Now." he glared at me, his eyes flickering to the entrance doors behind me.
We began walking towards the doors before the guest in hall, looked out in curiosity to see a dead boy on the floor, blood pouring from his head. "I didn't need your help." I demanded as we excited what was once my home.
A snort left his nose, "you know, some how i don't think that is true and you're welcome by the way." We reached his car, to which he nodded his head to.
"You're joking, right? You really are mad if you think i'm going anywhere with you, whether you saved my life or not, i do not want to be around you.", now it was my turn to laugh.
"So you admit that i saved your life?" I rolled my eyes and began to walk down the road.
"They'll be after you. We can help you." he shouted down the road.
"See you around, Norris." I yelled back. No way in Hell am giving him what he wants, at least not right away.
***
Keegan hadn't tried to find me, but opposing gangs had and although i can certainly fight my own in a 'normal' situation, when 8 groups of ruthless and revenge hungry men are after you it becomes hard to leave your house.
"You could just give Norris a bell." Mandi suggested. Sitting in her box room which in fact had been my bedroom for the last two weeks. She was my only friend and the only one who knew everything about me. But things such as what she just stated shows how she can still be so out of touch. She's not completely dumb, she now owns my fathers underground boxing ring, where we met when we were 17. My father took a liking to her, almost like a second daughter. Her and her family were estranged and my dad took her under his wing due to my rare adoring fondness of her.
"No."
"Y/n. Think about it. Your life is at risk and as much as your dad hated the McLarens*, he would've hated you dying more." She attempted to reason, and she was right,. "And who gives a damn about your brother, do you not want to help McLaren in taking him down? He literally tried to kill you!" she exclaimed.
Rolling my eyes, "well no he didn't, just one of his moronic boyfriends."
"You trust too easily. Please just think about it, gorgeous. You're the strongest person i know but right now, you can not fight this battle alone." She sighed getting up from my bed, "love you, goodnight."
"Night Mands."
I don't need your help, but I think we can come to a mutual deal - y/n
Y/n, I knew you'd come round. Are you busy?
Yes i'm going to bed. I'll discuss terms tomorrow. Night.
————
Masterlist
A/N
*im using the car names as gang names as I'm just that uncreative!
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