#i'd like to personally apologize to castiel

[eisforeidolon]

Hi! Sorry if i'm bothering you but i needed someone to talk. About what happened recently with Destiel and Misha and the fans that believed in the things he said. I am new to Supernatural fandom, but i loved the story in an instant, thanks to Sam and Dean and their unique relationship. Then i became interested in Jared and Jensen too and i think that if Sam and and Dean are the heart of Supernatural then Jared and Jensen are the soul of the show because to me no other actor could have played Sam and Dean like they did. Now, returning to what i wanted to say i am really TIRED about Destiel, some Destiel shippers and especially Misha. I know he said some stupid thing about how CW is homophobic and how Destiel would be canon if they weren't homophobic. I don't ship Destiel because sincerely i don't see romantic love between Dean and Castiel, but this doesn't make me an homophobic person. His words are said with malicious intent. He also said some thing about how Jensen is attracted to him. I find this disgusting because he says this things only for his Destiel fan, knowing that his words are lies. Also Jensen not being there can't reply to his lies. Like i sad i'm new to Supernatural but some Destiel are making the experience in the fandom a constant war. They say that if you don't ship Destiel you are homophobic , that if you don't ship Destiel you are not a true Supernatural fan and the most stupid one... They say that Supernatural is about Dean and Castiel and their love. This make me really angry because Supernatural is about Sam And Dean, how they care for each other,how they save the world again and again and how they hunt monster and ghost and other things. But to me Supernatural is the unique love story of two brother and how they did everything to protect each other. I ship Wincest, but When i say love story i mean that Sam and Dean are Platonic Soulmates in Supernatural and even the show always remind us of that. I don't understant how Misha can say this thing without facing consequences because his words feed some Destiel fan that became hateful like him and whose mission is hating people who don't think think like them. Sorry for the long post and for the horrible english but it's not my first language. Sorry if i bothered you but i needed someone to talk to because sometimes i feel like leaving the fandom because Destiel hate and their war against everyone. I hope you will always have love and kindness in your life.

You really don't need to apologize for anything.❤️ You aren't bothering me and your English is fine - maybe not perfect, but hell, neither is mine some days! Thank you for the lovely sentiment, and I wish you the same - and that you do what is best for you in regards to this sometimes dumpster fire of a fandom.

If it helps, you're absolutely not alone. I've been in this fandom for years now, and some days it's sheer stubbornness against hellers obvious attempts to browbeat and drive everyone else out that keeps me here. They didn't get to take over the show through being loud and obnoxious and they don't get to monopolize the fandom by doing the same - and they can be butthurt forever over it.

I actually didn't mind Dean and Castiel as a ship at first. I'm always interested in what people take from a canon and then create entirely outside of it, and I read quite a lot of fanfic. Even then I was baffled by shippers insisting it was a thing in the canon, though. There was a brief period where I wondered if I'd somehow missed it, because I'm not generally really looking for romance stories and there were so many posts that were so insistent? So I actually did a rewatch focused just on Dean and Castiel's interactions - and came away with the impression they weren't actually even as good of friends as I'd originally thought, let alone anything like interested in each other romantically. The more I thought about it and the more meta I ran across and actually considered the details of? The more obviously baseless it was. I mean, some of it really is just genuinely so stupid it's hilarious. Cake. Bacon. Negative space. Widower arc. Bisexual lighting and/or plaid. But even the theorizing which wasn't absurd on its face? Always looked silly in comparison to how much more obviously and easily it had meaning in relation to the main story that plainly actually existed instead.

Meanwhile, I kept seeing more and more of those posts you mention insisting anyone who didn't ship it was a homophobe and they really pissed me off. Even if Dean and Castiel were a canon couple who spent half of each episode doing couple things and saying I love you back and forth instead of the entire show revolving around Sam and Dean's crazy tangled up lives with Castiel occasionally wandering in and out of the background with some angel nonsense or whatever? Not shipping it would not make someone a homophobe. Shipping is very subjective and any individual pairing can not appeal to any particular fan for a million and one reasons that have sweet fuckall to do with how they generally feel about LGBT+ relationships. Attempting to bully people into supporting a single very specific fictional relationship by trying to make them afraid of being branded a bigot if they don't is ridiculous as hell, regardless of how canon or not it is. How absolutely fucking disrespectful to all the people who have to deal with actual homophobia versus just being butthurt they can't force two particular fictional characters to kiss. It's so goddamn juvenile I can't even.

The longer I was in fandom, the more brain dead and divorced from the show the meta claiming Dean and Castiel were going to hook up any minute got. The more annoyed I became at all the absurd stereotypes about masculinity and sexuality they would parrot as gospel truth if it could "prove" Dean was into dudes and eventually the angel. The more obviously transparent their every cry of ~*homophobia*~ was when they tried to turn every real life LGBT+ issue and every canon LGBT+ character primarily into proof and/or justification regarding D/C. They're a bunch of entitled shitheads who not only feel like they should get to dictate what SPN is despite hating basically everything it actually was, but who are perfectly fine with co-opting serious real world issues to try and do it. I have no beef with normal D/C shippers who aren't assholes to everyone and mad at the show for not bringing their fanfic to life, but I can't stand the pairing at all even in a fandom sense anymore.

The evolution of my feelings on Misha followed a similar path. I liked Castiel well enough as a supporting character and I didn't actively dislike Misha, though after I'd seen a couple of panels where his answers were flippantly irreverent or unnecessarily raunchy, I wasn't really much interested in him. Then, over time, at the same time Castiel's character was more and more blatantly just eating up screen time to give J2 time off, he started getting worse and worse about ship-baiting. He'd act like everyone behind the scenes was talking about D/C - but then they (Jensen and Bob Singer most notably) would say that was untrue. He'd slyly hint about upcoming scenes in a vague way to imply D/C and then it would be something else entirely. He'd tell shippers about things that had been pointedly removed because they could seem leading and that was not the authorial intent, but without pointing out that was exactly why they were excised. His stories would change when he got a bad reaction - he went from saying he shipped wincest to pretending he'd never heard of it, he went from claiming Jimmy was going to appear in the original Roadhouse finale to it being Castiel, etc. Then there was framing horsing around with Jared as if he was a victim and not a participant and the incredibly inappropriate objectifying sexual comments about Jensen and Dean. All of which caused the fans falling for it to loudly and angrily attack everyone but him while they kept buying his ops/books/cameos/whatever. No matter how blatantly he queerbaits them and how upset they get over it and take it out on everyone else, he does not stop. He's an ungrateful creepy narcissist who will throw literally anyone or anything under the bus if he can get a buck out of it. Who also will proclaim he doesn't want to co-opt LGBT+ causes when he's desperately trying to keep his career on life support doing exactly that in the most skeevy, backstabby way possible.

Jared and Jensen put their hearts and years of their lives into this show bringing Sam and Dean to life, episode after episode, week after week, season after season. Telling an important story about platonic and familial love that you really won't find anywhere else.

Misha and the hellers have spent years trying to co-opt that to their own ends out of gross entitlement. They deserve each other, but the show and its actual fans don't deserve to have to put up with either of them. Unfortunately, we have the fandom we have, not the one we deserve.

[zepskies]

Hi Zep!! Question time! Apologies in advance for the multiple questions, apparently my sleep deprived brain was on a roll 😂 Are you working on anything fun or have any ideas you’d be okay sharing, kind of like a work in progress? Any more plans to write for Russell again (or maybe once Tracker is back on)? Have you ever thought about doing a crossover type of fic with multiple characters from different shows interacting (ex. Dean and Soldier Boy)? Do you have any Dean headcanons? Or about any or your favorite characters? 👀 Happy answering! 💕

Hey, Michelle! Ooh don't apologize, these are awesome questions! Though I hope you got some rest last night. 😂

Coming Soon: Dream With Me

I actually am working on a 3-part story for the Midnight Espresso-verse (Dean Winchester x Reader) that will start posting next week! It's called Dream With Me, and will be set in 15x20... If you want to learn more about it, here's the announcement with the summary and sneak preview!

More Russell Shaw? (Tracker)

Actually yes, I have considered writing another one-shot for Russell Shaw that would be like an epilogue for Every Second Counts. Or maybe just another one-shot that lives in that world, if you guys still want to read more about those two after I drop Part 5 later today!

Coming Soon? WIP Ideas:

I also have a few ideas that I've been kicking around in my head, or even partially outlined, but haven't fully written yet. Honestly, I'm not sure which one to tackle first. Maybe you can help me with that. 😘

Here they are:

"Don't You Forget About Me" - (Dean x Reader) Basically a retelling of 4x13 "After School Special," but with a Breakfast Club twist. 😜

Beau Arlen one-shot in the Take Me Home-verse. Premise: "Self-defense lesson" lol.

Or a more angsty hurt/comfort shot in the TMH-verse. Premise: "A snapshot of Beau's lingering PTSD from Randy's death."

Yet another Break Me Down (Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader) one-shot, this one set after Calculated Risks. I've gotten several requests to both continue on what happens after that story, but also to tell the story of the reader and Ben's wedding lol. So the premise would be: "At your son's first birthday, with your family and friends present, you and Ben find yourselves reminiscing about the chaotic day of your wedding."

Do you like the sound of any of these?

Crossover Stories:

You know, I've never been a crossover person for some reason. I think my brain likes the compartments of worlds and characters kept within themselves, unless it makes sense to crossover. For example, I couldn't see SPN world crossing over with The Boys world. The "rules" of each are just so different lol. But I have read one or two crossover stories I enjoyed.

Dean Winchester Headcanons:

Do I have Dean headcanons? Oh, yes. Yes I do. 😂

They all live in my Dean Winchester Imagines/Headcanons masterlist, but they're also structured like vignettes that feature Beau Arlen and Soldier Boy as well.

All of these have been requests (**Notes 18+ only):

Headcanon:** How Dean Winchester, Beau Arlen, and Soldier Boy (Ben) would react to seeing your breast reduction scars. ❤️‍🩹

Headcanon: How Dean Winchester, Beau Arlen, and Soldier Boy (Ben) would make up for pissing you off. 😤

Headcanon:** How Dean Winchester, Beau Arlen, and Soldier Boy (Ben) would react to you teasing him under the table. 😉

Headcanon: How Dean Winchester, Beau Arlen, and Soldier Boy (Ben) would react to you getting “morning” sickness during pregnancy. 🤢

Headcanon: Personality types Castiel, Sam, and Dean would be attracted to. ⭐

If you have a headcanon prompt for me, whether in "quasi-narrative" form like these^ or as just my headcanon thoughts, I'd be happy to brainstorm one up for you. 😉 I haven't done one of those in a while.

Thank you so much for these questions, my friend! I hope these ideas and headcanons spark your interest. 💕

[monstermoviedean]

to offer an additional thought on castiel's headspace

dean up until the rupture argument is kind of blunt and rude to castiel, and had previously stated if mary was gone, castiel was dead to him.

now, dean is not obligated to forgive castiel, but when castiel hears "why does it always seem to be you" he hears "why do you keep failing" and assumes any affection dean had for him has gone.

so he decides to leave because he thinks that up until this point (and started putting up with him) after 14x18, dean has just been putting up with him, so even if castiel knows dean has requested he stick around in the past, hes presuming any past requests no longer apply.

and dean is presuming castiel has finally realized that dean is toxic or something, so he doesnt wanna hold him down, especially if dean saw how distraught cas's expression was and regretted causing it.

anyway. i care about them sooooo much

i understand where you're coming from, and you make a lot of valid points. i do disagree on a few points - and i'm aiming for a discussion tone here, not a critical one, so i hope it comes across that way!

on dean being blunt and rude - i think you're referring to 15x01, when dean asks if cas is okay and then ends the conversation? and the 15x02 conversation about reality and the 15x03 fight? the latter two I'm iffy on. i'm fine saying dean was blunt, and definitely rude in the latter convo. but i also think cas backs him into a corner and demands a conversation dean isn't ready to have. i talked about that a little bit here. that's not to say that dean can say whatever he wants - just that cas is starting these conversations when dean can't really handle them. also, a little funny that cas can often be referred to as blunt and/or rude.

the line about cas being dead to him. ugh. that one i want to blame on berens. but if i take it at face value, yup, that's an unfair and hurtful thing to say! i don't think dean means it but that doesn't negate the hurt it causes.

dean isn't obligated to forgive - yes! and i'd like to add that cas hasn't given much of an apology yet. he's said he's sorry but that's about the extent of it. i've seen people discuss cas "playing" sorry rather than being sorry in the context of s7. while i don't think that's entirely true here, and i do believe cas is sorry, i also think it would have meant a lot to dean if cas sincerely apologized and showed he meant it by giving dean space. cas is not obligated to do this either, of course.

me personally, i don't think whether dean asks cas to stay or not factors much into cas' decision-making. i hear you on past requests not applying anymore, and i see the logic. but for me, cas didn't really honor those past requests either. he came and went as he pleased. so i have a little trouble believing that this was the one time cas wanted to stay and was going to stay if he'd "been allowed," just because the past pattern is primarily dean asking cas to stay and cas choosing to leave.

also, i have no evidence for this, but i would expect the bunker reminded cas of jack. i would imagine staying there would be difficult even if everything was fine between cas and dean.

i think this is an unstoppable force (cas) / immovable object (dean) situation. cas needs to push forward, he needs to talk things through with dean regardless of the consequences, he can't bear to have something "unfixed" when he could "fix" it. dean needs space and time to process his grief and anger and fear, and he can't handle those boundaries being pushed. they're both deeply hurt and they both hurt each other. it's not fair to either of them and it's awful to watch.

and on your last point - yes, i care about them so much too 😭 i've been focusing mainly on dean's perspective here because i see so many discussions of the rupture that essentially blame dean for everything - but i do try to understand cas' perspective too, and i value it.

[layce2015]

Supernatural (Dean Winchester x Female!Reader)

Free To Be You And Me

Masterlist pt 1

Masterlist pt 2

Days had passed since the day Sam left off on his own, and Dean and I pretty much do our best to continue on as if nothing happened. But it honestly felt weird without Sam. Dean stayed mostly quiet that first night after Sam left and it was just really odd, and a bit worrying, with him not saying anything.

I wanted to talk to him but it was like he knew I was gonna say something and he would shake his head at me. I frown at him but don't say a word. Then that night, as we got ready for bed at the motel, I got in bed next to him and he pulled me close to him, held me tight. I frown, worried, as I hug him back and run my fingers through his short hair as he buries his face into the space where my neck and shoulder meet. We stayed like that until we fell asleep.

Hours later, I felt Dean twitching and I heard him grunt and groan. "No...no..don't..." he grumbles and I sit up and place my hands on his chest. "Dean, Dean, wake up." I said as he continues to twitch. "Don't...leave...(y/n)..." he mumbles and I shake his shoulder. "Dean!" I shouted and his eyes snap open and he sits up as well.

Then he turns to me. "Thank God." He mutters, sounding like he ran a mile, as he goes to embrace me. "Hey, hey, hey....it's okay." I said as I run my hand up and down his back. He hugs me for a few moments then he pulls back to look at me. 

"What's wrong?" I asked him and his eyes shift down, almost like he was embarrassed. "Dean, you can tell me." I assured him as his green eyes looks back into mine. "I-I-I just..it felt so real..." he said and I furrow my brow. "What did you dream about?" I asked him. "You leaving me." He said. I give him a sympathetic look then cup his face. 

"I'm right here, Dean. You know I'd never, ever leave you." I assured him. "I'll always be here by your side." I said and Dean stares into my eyes for a bit longer then nods and leans his forehead against mine. Then I go and give him a kiss on the lips and he cups my face in his hands. Moments later, we lay back down on the bed and just hold each other until we fall back asleep.

So now here we are, few days later, finishing a job with a vampire. We got back from killing it and Dean had gotten his jacket covered in blood. Dean goes to lay down on the bed as I dampen a washcloth in the motel room sink and start to clean his jacket. Then I look up at the mirror and see Castiel and Ariel standing behind me, this makes me let out a small scream.

"(Y/n)?!" Dean said and I thump the sink. "God. Don't do that, you two!" I yelled at the angels. "Hello, (y/n)." Castiel said then he turns to Dean, who was standing behind him. "Hello, Dean." He greets. "Greetings, you two." Ariel said as I turn around and see that Cas and Ariel are pretty close to me.

"Guys, we've talked about this. Personal space?" I said to them. "Our apologies." Castiel said and he and Ariel step back and I grab Dean's jacket and walk towards Dean. "How'd you find us? I thought we were flying below the angel radar." Dean asked then as he rubs his ribs to illustrate the point.

"You are. Bobby told us where you two were." Ariel said as her and Castiel look around the motel room. "Where's Sam?" Castiel asked us while Dean puts on his jacket without looking at the angel. "Us and Sam are taking separate vacations for a while. So." Dean replied.

"You find God yet?" I asked them. "More importantly, can I have my damn necklace back, please?" Dean asked, annoyed. "No, we haven't found him." Castiel said. "That's why we're here. We need your help." Ariel said. "With what? God hunt? Not interested." Dean said. "It's not God. It's someone else." said Castiel. 

"Who?" Dean and I asked. "Archangel. The one who killed us." Castiel said and Dean and I share a look of confusion. "'Scuse me?" Dean asked. "His name is Raphael." Ariel said and I raise an eyebrow. "You two were wasted by a teenage mutant ninja angel?" I asked them. "We've heard whispers that he's walking the earth. This is a rare opportunity." Castiel said while I noticed that Ariel had rolled her eyes at my comment.

"For what? Revenge?" Dean asked. "Information." Ariel said as Dean goes over to the sink, picks up his knife and a washcloth, and starts to clean the knife. "So, what, you think you can find this dude and he's just gonna spill God's address?" Dean asked. "Yes, because we are gonna trap him and interrogate him." Ariel said and Dean pauses and turns to them.

"You two are serious about this." Dean said and the two angels turn to face us. "So, what we're Thelma and you two are Louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?" Dean asked, sarcastically, and Castiel stares at him, confused, while Ariel kinda smiled, knowingly.

"That's a decent comparison." She said and Dean, Castiel and I look at her. "What? I've dabbled into watching some movies." Ariel said and I shake my head as if to say Alrighty then. "Give me one good reason why we should do this." Dean said. "Because you're Michael's vessel and no angel will dare harm you." Castiel said and Dean looks at him.

"Oh, so I'm your bullet shield." he said, looking between Castiel and Ariel. "What about me? Aren't I in danger?" I asked. "You should be safe as well." Ariel said, a bit confidently. "How are you so sure?" I asked her, suspiciously. Her eyes dart to the side for a moment. "Just trust me." She said then she turns to Dean.

"Anyway...We need your help because you two are the only ones who'll help us. Please." She said and Dean considers it then looks at me and I shrug. "All right, fine." Dean said as he turns to the angels. "Where is he?" I asked them. "Maine. Let's go." Castiel said and he reaches both of his hands out to touch mine and Dean's forehead but Dean leans away.

"Whoa." Dean said and Castiel removes his hands. "What?" Castiel asked as Ariel scrunches her face up in confusion. "Last time you zapped me someplace I didn't poop for a week." Dean said and I face-palm. "Too much information, Dean." I said as he shrugs and goes to grab his keys. "We're driving." He stated.

Waterville, Maine

"And we're here why?" I asked as Dean, Cas, Ariel and I get out of the Impala. "A deputy sheriff laid eyes on the archangel." Ariel said. "And he still has eyes?" Dean asked and Castiel and Ariel nod.

"All right, what's the plan?" I asked. "We'll...tell the officer that he witnessed an angel of the Lord, and the officer will tell us where the angel is." Castiel said and Dean and I give him a Are you serious? look. "Seriously? You're going to walk in there and tell him the truth?" Dean asked him, disbelieving. 

"Why not?" Castiel asked, genuine. "Because we're humans." I said as Dean pulls out a couple of fake ID's and stashes one inside Castiel's coat, then adjusts his coat and tie then he hands the other badge to Ariel, who takes it and examine it, then he goes to straighten her jacket. "And when humans want something really, really bad, we lie." Dean said as he does all of this. "Why?" Castiel asked him, confused. "Because that's how you become President." I said.

"Deputy Framingham?" Dean asked as we entered the sheriff's office. The deputy turns around and Dean and I hold up our FBI ID. "Hi. Alonzo Mosely and May Parker, FBI. These two are our partners, Eddie Moscone and Mary-Jane Watson." Dean said and Cas does nothing while Ariel goes to hold up her badge, a bit of a smile on her lips.

She looks over at Cas then elbows his side and he turns to look at her then catches on. He then pulls out his FBI ID, which he displays upside-down, I turn it over for him. "He's, uh, he's new. Mind if we ask you a few questions?" I asked. "Yeah, sure. Talk here, though." Framingham said as he indicates his right ear and leads us to his office.

"Hearing's all blown to hell in this one." He said. "That happen recently?" Dean asked him. "Yeah. Gas station. Why you're here, isn't it?" Framingham said. "Yes, it is." Dean said and we all sit down, Dean at one down, Castiel sits next to him, Ariel next to Cas and I next to Ariel.

"You mind just, uh, running us through what happened?" I asked him. "A call came in. Disturbance out at the Pump and Go on Route 4." Framingham explains. "What kind of disturbance?" Dean asked. "Would not have believed my eyes if I hadn't seen it myself. We're talking a riot. Full scale." Framingham said.

"How many?" asked Dean. "Thirty, forty, in all-out kill-or-be-killed combat?" Framingham said, shrugging. "Any idea what set them off?" I asked. "It's angels and demons, probably." Castiel said and Framingham looks at him, stunned. "They're skirmishing all over the globe." Castiel said to him and I run my hands over my eyes.

"Come again?" Framingham asked then he turns to Dean. "What did he say?" he asked. "Nothing." Ariel said as she lightly side-kicks at Castiel's leg, to make him stop. "Demons, you know, drink, adultery. We all have our demons, Walt." she said, quickly, as she gives a smile. I was kinda impressed with her, for an angel she's doing pretty good at lying.

"I guess." Framingham said and Dean looks at Castiel. "Anyway. What happened next?" I asked Framingham, changing subject. "Freaking explosion, that's what. They said it was one of those underground gas tanks, but, uh, I don't think so." Framingham said. "Why not?" Dean asked. "Wasn't your usual fireball. It was, um—" Framingham said, then he trails off as he thinks. "Pure white." Castiel and Ariel said and Framingham nods.

"Yeah. Gas station was leveled. Everyone was...it was just horrible. And I see this one guy, kneeling, real focused-like, not a damn scratch on him." he said. "You know him?" I asked him. "Donnie Finneman. Mechanic there." Framingham replied. "Let me guess, he just, uh, vanished into thin air?" Dean asked. "Uh, no, Kolchak. He's down at Saint Pete's." Framingham said and Castiel and Ariel share a look before Castiel turns to Dean. "Saint Pete's." he repeats and Dean rolls his eyes. "Thank you." he said. 

We go to the hospital and observe Donnie, who was sitting in a wheelchair in a catatonic state, from the hallway window. "I take it that's not Raphael anymore." Dean said. "Just an empty vessel." Castiel replied.

"So is this what I'm looking at if Michael jumps in my bones?" Dean asked. "No, not at all. Michael is much more powerful. It'll be far worse for you." Castiel said and Dean looks away. "Way to sugar-coat it, Cas." I said, sarcastically, while I noticed Ariel look a bit worried and sad as she stares at Donnie.

We stopped at one of my nearby safehouses and decided to relax there. Ariel and Castiel had to leave to get something, so Dean and I were left alone here. Dean walks through the kitchen area, paging through John's journal. I was sitting on the table when Dean sits next to me and sets the journal down on the table.

Dean sighs and goes to turn to me but he slightly jumped. I turn around and saw Castiel and Ariel standing behind us, Ariel holding a ceramic jar. "Where've you two been?" Dean asked them. "Jerusalem." Ariel said.

"Oh, how was it?" I asked them. "Arid." Castiel replied and sets the jar on the table. "What's that?" Dean and I asked. "It's oil. It's very special. Very rare." Ariel replied as her and Cas take a couple of chairs and sit down.

"Okay, so we trap Raphael with a nice vinaigrette?" Dean asked him, with sarcasm. "No." Castiel and Ariel said, in unison. "So this ritual of yours, when does it got to go down?" I asked. "Sunrise." Castiel replied. "Tell me something. You keep saying we're gonna trap this guy. Isn't that kinda like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?" Dean asked. "No, it's harder." Castiel replied, casually.

"Do we have any chance of surviving this?" I asked. "You two do." Ariel said as she points at me and Dean. "So odds are you two are dead men tomorrow." Dean said. "Yes." Castiel said while Ariel nods, slightly.

"Well. Last night on earth. What are your plans?" Dean asked them. "I just thought I'd sit here quietly." Castiel said and Ariel shrugs. "Not really sure." She replied. "Come on, anything? Booze, women?" Dean asked then turns to Ariel. "Men?" He asked and the two angels look at us then away, uncomfortable.

"You have been with women before. Right? Or an angel, at least?" Dean asked Castiel, who rubs the back of his neck. "What about you? You ever been with a guy or another angel?" I asked Ariel, who shuffles in place. "You mean to tell us you two have never been up there doing a little cloud-seeding?" Dean asked the two angels. "Look, I've never had occasion, okay?" Castiel said, defensively. "It's never really been a concern of mine." Ariel said and Dean and I share a look before he sighs.

"All right." He mutters as he grabs his jacket. "Let me tell you two something. There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you two are not gonna die virgins. Not on my watch. Let's go." Dean said and he leaves. Castiel and Ariel stare after him then look over at me.

I shrug and gesture for them to follow me and we leave the building.

Later, Dean dropped me and Ariel off at the bar while he took Castiel to a brothel. Ariel and I were sitting at the bar and the bartender handed us our drinks. "So, this is...beer?" Ariel asked me as she picks up the mug. "Yep, may not be good for you but it does help wash away your woes." I said and Ariel takes a sip of it.

"Ack!" She exclaims, in disgust. "That is revolting." She said, her face scrunched up. "Yeah, when you have a few more sips it goes down easier." I said. "How do you humans keep drinking this?" She asked me. "Well, there are other types of drinks here. Different varieties for different types of people." I said as Ariel looks down at her drink.

"I'm almost too scared to even try the others." She said and I chuckle. I then notice a man a few seats down the bar, looking at us. Actually it looks like he’s checking Ariel out. “Hey.” I said, keeping my eyes on the man. Ariel looks up from her drink and I nod towards the man. “You got quite the stud checking you out.” I said.

Ariel turns to look at the man, who smirks at her and raises his drink slightly in acknowledgment. “Oh. That nice.” Ariel said, looking back down at her drink and seeming a little nervous.

“Why don’t you go talk to him?” I suggested. “I believe that would be a horrible idea. I’m very unfamiliar with courtship.” Ariel admitted, sheepishly. “Wow, so formal.” I said jokingly, but Ariel just stares at me. “Well lucky for you, you have me as your wingwoman. Come on.“ I said, getting up.

“Where are we going?” Ariel asked, nearly falling off her bar stool when she stood up. I walk over to the man, who was taking a sip of his drink. “Excuse me.” I said and he looks up. “I saw you checking out my friend here.” I said, dropping my hand on Ariel’s shoulder and making her jump slightly.

“I thought you two should meet.” I said, lightly pushing her to sit on the stool next to him. “Hello.” The man said, smirking at her. “Uh, yes, hello! Greetings and salutations.” Ariel said, sounding a bit nervous.

I took a seat on the stool next to Ariel, raising my glass to my lips and pretending to take a drink. “Tell him he looks nice.” I whispered to her, before actually taking a sip. “Your face is very interesting.” Ariel said and I nearly choked on my drink. “Uh…thanks. I think.” The man muttered, looking away. I cough and hit my chest, trying to clear my throat. “Try small talk.” I whispered.

“So come here often?” Ariel asked him and I smile, thinking she’s got this now. “I imagine anyone who does is probably an alcoholic.” She said and I face palm. “I do actually. I’m a steelworker and I come here to unwind.” The man replied. From his tone it sounded like he was no longer interested. “Sorry, I just remembered I got this thing I need to do.” He said, getting up and leaving without even giving a proper goodbye.

"Did I do that wrong?” Ariel asked, turning to me. “If I were to grade you, I give you an F.” I replied. “I warned you. I’m unfamiliar with this.” She said. “Yeah, you did. I just didn’t expect that. Like saying his face was interesting.” I said, taking a sip of my drink. “It was, his eyes were green. Only a 2% of the population have green eyes.” Ariel said.

“Hmph. Dean has green eyes.” I muttered. "Yes, Dean also has an interesting face." She said and I look at her and fold my arms across my chest. "Hey, that's my boyfriend you're talking about, don't make me fight you." I said and Ariel holds her hands up to me. "I meant no offense." She said and I laugh at this.

"I was kidding, Ariel." I said and she has a look of relief of her face. “Oh good. If you do have any concerns, I think you can put them to rest. I believe I wouldn’t have much better luck with him.” she said. “Probably not.” I said we share a laugh.

Then Ariel gives me a small smile but then she looks down. "You know, most of my brothers and sisters...they don't really like humans. They think you humans are below them but...after being on this Earth for the last few years, I actually don't mind humans." She explains as I watch her. "I mean, I've met some bad ones but I've met some good ones. And you and Dean, well you two are rough around the edges but you two are good." She said and I give her a curious look.

"Why do the other angels hate humans?" I asked, curiously. Ariel sighs then looks at me. "They hate that they use their free will to destroy or, in Dean's case, fight their destiny." She explains. "We were always told by our Father to follow rules and stay in line and when he created Earth and humans, he seemed fascinated by them. Which, in a way, I think has made some of my brothers and sisters angry and jealous. But me...I actually like what humans do. I think it's great you humans can choose your path and grow from it, meanwhile...the angels stay the same." She continues and I frown. "That sucks." I said but, weirdly, it kinda sounded like how John treated Sam and Dean.

We sat in silence for a moment before Ariel lets out a heavy sigh. "Which is why I really hate to tell you this but..." she said and I turn my head to her. "The reason you're gonna be fine with our confrontation with Raphael, is because, like Dean, you are a vessel." She said and my jaw drops and my eyes widen.

"What?!" I asked, stunned. Ariel nods. "Who am I a vessel for?" I asked her. She stares at me with her big blue eyes and said. "Me." 

It felt like a slap in the face as she said this and ears started to ring. "A-A-Are you serious?" I asked her. "Unfortunately, I am." She said. "So what, this whole thing between us is some weird way to get me to say yes?!" I asked, a bit angrily. "No, no, no...look, I want to try every plan I can to stop this fight with Michael and Lucifer. You being the vessel is a last resort. I was also trying to stop the seals from being broken but my siblings were on the side for the seals to be broken. I even tried to communicate to you as you slept." She said and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. 

"So, all those dreams where I saw a figure in the white light and a high pitch ring...those were you?" I asked her and she nods. "Yeah, I'm very sorry about that. I didn't think about how my real voice would sound to the human ear." She explained. "Well, thanks for the many crappy nights." I remarked and Ariel gives me an apologetic look.

"So, what do you mean that I'm a last resort?" I asked her. "It's only for if my brothers attain their vessels. If that does happen, then it will be you as my only hope." She said. "Well, knowing Dean, he's not gonna say yes. I hope your brothers know that he is a major stubborn pain in the ass, and I'm his girlfriend, so that should say something." I said and Ariel chuckles a bit. "Yeah, I'm hoping it stays that way. I really don't want to posses you but...it is the last resort. So until then, I won't pressure you to say yes to me." She said while I think over what she just told me.

Sometime later, Dean and Castiel came to pick us up in the Impala. Apparently, Dean was also unsuccessful to get Castiel laid so we decided to just go ahead and call upon Raphael.

We sneak into the hospital and go to Donnie's room. We shut the door and close the shade as Castiel pours the oil in a circle around Donnie's wheelchair. "When the oil burns, no angel can touch or pass through the flames, or he dies." Castiel informs us. "Okay, so we trap him in a steel cage of holy fire, but one question. How the hell do we get him here?" Dean asked him. "Very simple. There's, well, almost an open phone line between a vessel and his angel. One just has to know how to dial." Ariel said and she leans down to Donnie's ear and chants in Enochian.

"I'm here, Raphael. Come and get us, you bastard." Ariel whispers and her and Castiel leave the oil circle. "Just out of curiosity, what is the average customer wait time to speak to an archangel?" I asked them. "Be ready." Castiel said and he lights a match and drops it on the oil, which bursts into a ring of flame.

"Well that's a day I'll never get back." Dean grumbles as we pull up to the safehouse then make our way inside. "Guys, wait." Ariel said as there was a bright light. Donnie was already inside the cabin, flaring with lightning in the shape of wings; now he is Raphael. Lightbulbs shatter around us. "C'mon, man!" I exclaimed.

"Ariel. Castiel." Raphael said.

"Raphael." Ariel and Castiel said as we walk closer. "And I thought you were supposed to be impressive. All you do is black out the room." Dean taunts. "And the Eastern Seaboard." Raphael said as lightning flashes outside. "It is a testament to my unending mercy that I do not smite you here and now." Raphael growled as he glares at Dean.

"Or maybe you're full of crap. Maybe you're afraid God will bring Cas and Ariel back to life again and smite you and your candy-ass skirt. By the way, hi, I'm Dean and this is my girlfriend, (y/n)." Dean said as he gestures to me and I wave. "I know who you two are. And now, thanks to them, I know where you are." Raphael said, nodding to Castiel and Ariel.

"You won't kill him. You wouldn't dare." Ariel said, in a stern voice. "But I will take him to Michael." Raphael said, pointing at Dean. "Well then. Sounds terrifying. It does. But, uh, hate to tell you, I'm not going anywhere with you." Dean said as he grabs a beer.

"Surely you remember Zachariah giving you stomach cancer?" Raphael asked him. "Yeah, that was, that was hilarious." Dean said with sarcasm. "Well, he doesn't have anything close to my imagination." Raphael threatened. "Yeah? I bet you didn't imagine one thing." I said as I stand in front of Dean, protectively. "What?" Raphael asked me and I give a bit of a smirk.

"We knew you were coming, you stupid son of a bitch." I said and I light my lighter and drop it and the Holy oil ignites in a circle around Raphael. He glares over at me and Dean. "Don't look at us, it was their idea." Dean said as he points at Cas and Ariel.

"Where is He?" Castiel asked him. "God? Didn't you hear? He's dead, Castiel. Dead." Raphael said and Castiel looked befuddled and Ariel was surprised. "What?" She asked him. "There's no other explanation. He's gone for good." he said. "You're lying." Castiel spat.

"Am I? Do you remember the twentieth century? Think the twenty-first is going any better? Do you think God would have let any of that happen if He were alive?" Raphael asked. "Oh yeah? Well then who invented the Chinese basket trick?" Dean asked and Raphael turns to him, glaring. "Careful. That's my Father you're talking about, boy." he said.

"Yeah, who would be so proud to know His sons started the frigging apocalypse." I yelled. "Who ran off and disappeared. Who left no instructions and a world to run." said Raphael. "Daddy ran away and disappeared. He didn't happen to work for the post office, did He?" Dean asked, sarcastically. "This is funny to you? You're living in a godless universe." Raphael said.

"And? What, you and the other kids just decided to throw an apocalypse while He was gone?" Dean asked him. "We're tired. We just want it to be over. We just want...paradise." Raphael replied. "So, what, God dies and makes you the boss and you decide you can do whatever you want?" I asked, curiously. "Yes. And whatever we want, we get." Raphael replied then the windows burst in.

"If God is dead, why have Castiel and I returned? Who brought us back?" Ariel asked. "Did it ever occur to you, dear sister, that maybe Lucifer raised you two?" Raphael asked her and she shakes her head. "Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find. You know it adds up." Raphael said while Ariel stands there and thinks.

"Let's go." Castiel said as he grabs Ariel’s arm and the two start to turn around. "Castiel, I'm warning you two. Do not leave me here. I will fiind both of you." Raphael said. "Maybe one day. But today, you're our little bitch." Castiel growls and he and Ariel leave, Dean and I follow but Dean stops and turns to Raphael. "What he said." Dean said and we leave.

Kinda sad leaving him here in one of my safehouses, but thank goodness my dad had purchased about two or three more safehouses for us to use.

Later, Dean was driving the Impala, I was riding shotgun and Ariel and Castiel were in the back. "You two okay?" I asked them but they stay silent. "Look, I'll be the first to tell you that this little crusade of yours is nuts, but I do know a little something about missing fathers." Dean said.

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked. "I mean there were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead, but I knew in my heart he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, guys, what do you two believe?" Dean asked them. "I believe he's out there." Castiel said. "I do as well." Ariel said. "Good. Then go find him." Dean said.

"What about you two?" Castiel asked him. I look over at Dean, who kept staring at the road, then I look over my shoulder at them. "I think we'll be good." I assured. "Even without Sam?" Ariel asked and I turn my head to Dean. "Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch." Dean grumbles and I frown at him as he has the slightly angry, stern look on his face.

"It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that it's just me and (y/n), hell, I'm happy." Dean explains and I place a hand on his thigh, patting it sympathetically. He turns his head, slightly, to me and I give a small, sympathetic smile to him. He looks back at the road and sets his right hand over mine and held onto it.

I look over my shoulder and see Ariel and Castiel are both gone. I sigh then ran my free hand over my face. "You okay?" Dean asked me as I removed my hand off of my face. "Dean...I have to tell you something." I said. "What is it?" He asked and I turn my head to him. 

"So...apparently, you're not the only person that is a vessel for an angel." I said and he turns his head to me, his brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?" He asked me and I stare into his eyes, swallowed then said. "I'm Ariel’s vessel."

@rach5ive @kitsun369 @itzabbyxx @cevans-winchester @ellie-andthemachine

[good-things-do-happen-dean]

and the moment passes | 9x06 fanfiction gap because i’m basic | 4K

“Where to, Cas?” Dean asks, as if that’s a simple question, as if Castiel is supposed to have the answer ready to go.

But it isn’t a simple question. And Castiel certainly doesn’t have an answer ready to go. Where to? He could ask Dean to drive him back to the Gas-n-Sip so he can curl up in his thin sleeping bag in the supply closet. But the thought of spending the night on that hard floor surrounded by the sharp chemical smells of cleaning supplies and nacho cheese is suddenly revolting. He can only look at Dean and be mindful of his wrist as he climbs into the front seat of the Impala. After a long moment, Dean climbs in after him and the still-familiar creak of the driver’s side door opening and closing is somehow comforting. Dean smells of dirt and wood smoke from burning Ephraim’s vessel, Castiel notices vaguely, cradling his wrist in his good hand.

Dean clears his throat. “Let me get you patched up at least, okay? Then I can drop you…wherever.”

Wherever. Castiel nods once, gaze trained on his hands. The cloth he has wrapped around his cut palm is tacky with blood, although the cut itself seems to have stopped bleeding. There’s a dull ache in his palm and a sharp one in his wrist. He doesn’t know what a broken bone feels like. He remembers that Jimmy broke his arm once as a teenager, but then doesn’t know what to do with that. The memory was dulled by time and Grace even when Jimmy still inhabited this body. Castiel’s body now. Castiel’s wrist, which might be broken, except he doesn’t know what that feels like.

“Cas?” Dean says, sounding…worried?

It’s then that Castiel realizes he’s crying. He wipes at his face with his good hand, but still can’t find it in himself to say anything. An uneasy silence stretches between them, broken only by the quiet hitching sounds of Castiel’s breath.

“Okay.” Dean starts the Impala, which roars to life and startles Castiel, who flinches, jostles his wrist, and flinches again. “Let’s just – look, I got a motel room. I’ll clean up your hand.”

“My wrist,” Castiel says, voice thick from crying, and it takes a monumental amount of effort for him to lift his head and look at Dean. “It’s – It might be broken.”

Dean looks back at him for a moment and Castiel doesn’t recognize the expression there. “Okay,” Dean repeats. “Right, yeah, I’ll look at your wrist too, okay?” He doesn’t wait for Castiel to say anything, which is probably for the best, and pulls away from the curb in front of Nora’s house.

The corners of Dean’s mouth are turned down and there’s a hard set to his jaw. Fresh tears prick at Castiel’s eyes. Dean must be angry with him, Castiel decides. For being so fragile and useless that he can’t even tell whether his own wrist is broken. He looks away, stares down at the bloodstain on the cloth wrapped around his hand, memorizing its shape. He squints into the headlights of an approaching car. He watches as he rolls the hem of his shirt between two fingers, worrying at a loose thread until it falls away, then pulls his hand away when he remembers there are only two other shirts tucked neatly in his sleeping bag in the supply closet. He doesn’t look at Dean again. And Dean just drives them in silence.

***

Castiel watches the lazy drip of the showerhead from where he sits on the closed lid of the toilet, breathing carefully through his nose. Dean is perched on the edge of the tub, bent over Castiel’s hand with a pair of tweezers.

“Almost got it,” Dean says, then lets out a breath. “There. Big fucker.” He holds the tweezers up so Castiel can see the long hooked thorn he pulled from Castiel’s palm. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Dean sets the tweezers down and reaches across Castiel for a clean washcloth. The bathroom of Dean’s motel room is cramped, especially with Dean crowding into Castiel’s space. Their knees knock together in a way that Castiel vaguely recognizes as something he would have enjoyed some other time in some other place.

There is a streak of dirt on the back of Dean’s neck just below his hairline, like he wiped at it with the back of his hand. Probably when he was burning Ephraim. Ephraim’s vessel. The body of a man who believed in angels.

“Do you know what his name was?” Castiel asks, startling himself with the question.

“Who?” Dean maneuvers Castiel’s arm to rest on the lip of the sink so he can run cool water over the gash on Castiel’s palm. “Let that sit. I’ll get a brace for your wrist.” He stands and rolls his neck, letting out a pleased sound when there’s a pop.

Castiel hears Dean’s retreating footsteps, the door of their room open, the familiar creak of the trunk of the Impala in the parking lot, but only vaguely. The water that swirls down the discolored drain is tinged pink with Castiel’s blood and then runs clear. The man’s name could have been Noah or Christopher or Michael. The man’s name could have been Jimmy.

“Here,” Dean says, turning off the faucet. He dries Castiel’s hand, careful not to jostle his wrist, and rubs antibiotic ointment around the ragged edges of the cut.

When he started at the Gas-n-Sip, Nora showed Castiel, well, showed Steve, the first aid kit on the shelf in the supply closet. And the first night he spent there, he lay awake, staring at the glossy white cross on the front that was just visible in the darkness, unable to sleep until he got up and turned the plastic container to face the other way.

“Okay, Cas,” Dean says, taping down the end of the gauze wrapped around Castiel’s palm three times, over his thumb, under his thumb, over it once more. His hands are gentle on Castiel’s wrist. “I don’t think it’s broken,” he says finally. “Ice it for the next few nights, couple of ibuprofen, keep the brace on during work, and you should be good to go in no time.”

Castiel nods once and fixes his gaze on the showerhead while Dean maneuvers his hand into the brace. A drip forms as if in slow motion, stretching, oblong and misshapen, until it detaches and falls, splatting against the drain. Castiel swallows, feeling slightly ill, and looks away. Still, it’s been a long time since his last real shower.

There isn’t a shelter in Rexford, or a YMCA, so Castiel bought a portable shower at the combination hardware and sporting goods store after his first week at the Gas-n-Sip. Every few nights, he locks up promptly at eleven, fills the bag with tepid water from the bathroom sink, and goes into the small patch of woods behind the store to quickly scrub himself down with a rapidly shrinking bar of soap and hose himself off. And he carefully washes his face, underarms, genitals, hands, and feet with paper towels and hand soap early each morning before slipping out of the store to be seen unlocking the front door from the outside.

The showers in the shelters in the cities before Rexford seem ages ago. His shower at the bunker, a millennium. Longer. Castiel had spent centuries, millennia in Heaven without a second thought, watching civilizations wax and wane and fall into oblivion, and now each month that passed was an age.

“Dean,” Castiel says, surprising himself. “May I shower?”

Dean is fiddling with the straps on the brace. “Uh,” he says and looks down at Castiel’s wrist. “Sure, but I’ll have to undo all this.”

“I can do it myself,” Castiel says, already reaching over with his good hand. The bathroom suddenly feels too crowded, even with the door open. Dean is too close to him, and Castiel can feel words bubbling up in his throat: that he can’t remember his last shower because he doesn’t have a shower, doesn’t have a bed, doesn’t have a home, doesn’t have anything except a jacket, two shirts, one pair of pants, two pairs of socks and underwear, a cellphone charger, a toothbrush, toothpaste, disposable razor, deodorant, and a portable shower bag with a nozzle rolled into his sleeping bag in the back corner of the supply closet. He has the cellphone Dean slipped into the pocket of the jacket he gave Castiel at the door of the bunker, but the 80 odd dollars from Dean are gone, mostly spent on the Enochian script now inked onto his side. He has the clothes on his back and the Gas-n-Sip vest Dean tossed carelessly into the backseat of the Impala and a name that isn’t his, but he doesn’t have his Grace or his wings or his brothers and sisters or Heaven. He has his pain and his failures and his guilt, but he doesn’t have the Winchesters. He has Dean with him now in this cramped motel bathroom, but he won’t have Dean in the morning, or the next day, or the day after that.

Castiel unwraps the brace, unwinds the gauze, sheds his clothes after Dean closes the door behind him. He turns on the hot water and tries not to think of falling.

***

The water pressure in the motel shower isn’t nearly as good as at the bunker, but Castiel stays there for a long time, revelling in the constant spray, the tiny bottle of shampoo. He washes his hair twice, digging into his scalp with his fingers. His palm stings from the shampoo, but he doesn’t care. He scrubs his skin with a rough washcloth, then again with his hands, until he is flushed pink. For the first time in months, Castiel feels clean.

Castiel turns the water off with a squeak and is surprised to hear silence coming from the motel room. He had expected the low rumble of the television, or perhaps the muffled sound of Dean’s half of a phone call to Sam. But he can’t hear anything at all. Maybe Dean left him here in this motel all alone, he thinks suddenly. He doesn’t know how far away the Gas-n-Sip is from here. He doesn’t know how he would get back. Is there a bus? Perhaps another guest at the motel would give him a ride if he paid them, although he wouldn’t be able to pay them until he got to work and retrieved his small stack of bills from inside one of his clean pairs of socks.

Drying himself quickly and pulling his clothes on over his still damp hair, Castiel wrenches the door open in a panic.

Dean is still there, sitting on the edge of the bed with a grim expression, staring at his hands folded in his lap. He looks up as the bathroom door bangs against the wall. “You okay, Cas?”

“I thought -” he pauses, swallowing his fear, and the anger and sadness underneath. I thought you left me here alone. I thought you drove away and left me behind to fend for myself. Again. “Yes.”

They look at each other for a long moment, longer than Castiel has managed all evening since Dean dropped him off in front of Nora’s house, until Dean coughs and looks away. “Uh. Good,” Dean says to his hands. “Need any help with your wrist? I got some ice.”

“No.” Castiel turns back into the bathroom to hang his towel neatly on the rack and retrieve the brace from the edge of the sink. “Thank you,” he adds when he catches sight of himself in the mirror.

“Then, uh, do you mind?” Dean asks from the bathroom door. He gestures vaguely to the shower.

“Of course not, Dean. It’s your room.”

“Right,” Dean says, still not looking at Castiel. He doesn’t move from the doorway, so Castiel has to squeeze by him, angling to avoid brushing against Dean to avoid making things even more awkward, if that’s possible.

Castiel sits at the tiny table where Dean set the first aid supplies and the bucket of ice to dab more antibiotic ointment on his cut and wind the gauze around his palm, a little clumsily. He discovered early on that, as a human, he was left-handed. Handedness was another inconvenience that took some getting used to. Now he would have to adjust again. And how would he explain his wrist to Nora? He had hidden his cut palm wrapped in a cloth from the trunk of the Impala behind his back when she walked him to the door. But there was no hiding the brace, especially since he would have to use his weaker hand for - how long did Dean say?

“I fell,” Castiel says aloud to the quiet room, swallows. “In the shower. I slipped in the shower and sprained my wrist. I can still work.” He tightens the last of the straps on the brace. “I slipped and sprained my wrist. I have to wear a brace, but I can still work.”

The shower is still running, so Castiel looks around the room for the first time. When they arrived, Dean had shepherded him into the bathroom right away, so he hadn’t gotten a good look.

Oh.

Besides the tiny table and chair, there is an equally tiny kitchenette with a sink and a hot plate, an old floral couch with a noticeable dip in the middle cushion, a nightstand and lamp, and one bed. Of course there is only one bed. Dean came to Rexford by himself, after all, and he thinks Castiel has a... wherever to go back to, a wherever that isn’t this motel room, and definitely isn’t Dean’s bed in this motel room.

But that means Castiel will have to go back to the storage room of the Gas-n-Sip tonight. He will have to unroll his sleeping bag and fold his shirts and pants into something like a pillow and set an alarm on his phone for 5:00 to give himself enough time to pack everything away again before Bill the delivery man comes by. He will have to turn the first aid kit to face the wall.

Castiel’s gaze rests on the twin mounds under the blanket at the head of the bed. The blanket is rucked up in one corner, exposing the worn white sheets. He can’t sleep here, that much is obvious, but he can make the bed neat for Dean. As a thank you. To prove he isn’t useless. Castiel isn’t sure which.

He tucks the corner of the blanket in neatly, smoothing it over the mattress. He smooths the other corner too, even though it’s already neat. He rests his good hand on one of the pillows.

Dean opens the bathroom door, towel slung low around his hips, and Castiel freezes in place. Perhaps it’s because Dean caught him coveting the bed. But perhaps it’s because Dean is standing in front of him in a towel, holding it closed with his hand at his hip and Castiel is human now, despite the hurt feelings between them.

Castiel has not been aroused since his night with April. He has been hungry and thirsty, cold, tired, and unclean, angry and afraid, proud and hurt, but he has not been aroused. He swallows, tracking a drop of water that slips down Dean’s chest to his stomach to the edge of the towel. “I -” he starts with no idea what to say.

“Forgot a change of clothes,” Dean says without moving toward his open duffel bag on the floor between them.

“Yes,” Castiel says. “I mean -”

Silence stretches between them. Castiel has seen Dean naked before, has re-formed every inch of Dean’s body with his own hands. But that was the Angel and the Righteous Man. Here, in this cramped motel room in Rexford, Idaho, there is the human Castiel with his sprained wrist and a beating heart that belongs to him, and there is his friend Dean Winchester fresh from the shower. They have survived the Rit Zien and the Fall, Purgatory and the Leviathan. Lucifer. And yet, Castiel thinks if Dean were to bridge the space between them now, he might shatter. It would be unbearable to have this, something, anything now, just this once before Dean goes back to Kansas and Castiel goes back to the Gas-n-Sip. It would hurt too much.

So when Dean steps toward him, Castiel steps back. Anger? Disappointment? flashes across Dean’s face momentarily, but he smooths it over and reaches into his duffel bag for a clean shirt and underwear. “Here,” Dean says, pulling out another shirt and tossing it on the bed. “I’m beat. D’you have work in the morning?”

Castiel nods, unable to speak.

“I’ll drop you off. You take the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.” Dean shuts the bathroom door behind him without another word.

***

The bed is the most comfortable thing Castiel has ever experienced. It probably isn’t, not really, but it certainly feels like it after months of his sleeping bag on the concrete floor of the supply closet and before that, hard, thin mattresses in shelters, the bed in Dean’s motel room is frankly luxurious. And yet, Castiel still can’t sleep.

Across the room, Dean’s breathing is slow and even, but Castiel can see that his eyes are open in the dim glow of the streetlight through the curtain. Castiel looks at his arm instead, the careful stack of pillows under his wrist to keep it above his heart. For the swelling, Dean had said. He’ll have to use his small stack of clothes for his arm instead of his head for the next few days at least. Then maybe he can just sleep in the brace with his wrist resting on his chest. Castiel burrows deeper into the mattress, the sound of the covers shifting around him loud in the stillness.

“Cas?” Dean says it so quietly, Castiel thinks he might have imagined it. “You awake?”

Castiel wants to say yes, to whisper secrets and shame into the darkness between them. He thinks of another motel room, of his filthy trench coat and his beard speckled with dirt and Leviathan ichor. He thinks of the spark of Grace that cleansed him. And he thinks perhaps this is not so different.

But Castiel also wants to say nothing, to feign sleep until he drops off and to return to the Gas-n-Sip in the morning like nothing happened. To greet Bill the delivery man, then Nora, then each person who comes through the doors for gas or a lottery ticket or a bottle of water, as Steve. To wipe the slate clean. And, for the first time in a long time, Castiel thinks of Heaven.

“Dean,” Castiel says, staring pointedly at his arm in its brace. “Naomi ordered me to kill Samandriel.”

There is a creak from the couch, like Dean is turning to look at him. Castiel keeps his eyes trained on his wrist. He remembers the easy weight of his blade, the warm wetness of the vessel’s life force slipping away, the cold blast of Grace collapsing in on itself then exploding out. The charred imprint of Samandriel’s wings on the asphalt.

“You mean Alfie?” Dean asks, which is somehow even more horrible to know.

“Samandriel and Alfie, it seems,” Castiel says. He swallows. They haven’t discussed this. There wasn’t time, not after the crypt, not after the Fall. “I didn’t choose - I wouldn’t have chosen, not after -” Not after the massacre in Heaven by his own hand. Castiel’s stomach churns.

“Cas,” Dean says, and it almost sounds like pity. It almost sounds like disgust. “Why are you telling me this?”

Because I remember too much, Castiel wants to say. I am a human with an Angel’s memories of eons, but the only ones that matter are after I met you. Because my head is going to burst from it all if I don’t say anything. Because I murdered Jimmy Novak and ripped his family apart. Because I laid waste to Heaven, because I caused the Fall. Because I remember each way Naomi made me kill you, hundreds upon hundreds of times until I snapped your neck without a second thought. Because I agreed to a date with Nora so that she might invite me to spend the night in a real bed. Because I sleep on the floor of the supply closet, and because I don’t have a pillow to put underneath my wrist at night and I will have to steal ibuprofen from the first aid kit when my wrist aches.

Because I don’t understand why you sent me away, but I think I deserve it.

“I don’t know,” Castiel says, instead, and they slip into uncomfortable silence, broken only by the couch groaning as Dean flips onto his stomach and buries his head under his pillow.

***

It doesn’t occur to Castiel until the morning that Dean probably wanted to say something. He says, “Dean,” but when Dean looks up at him from packing his duffel, Castiel can only finish with, “may I use your toothpaste?”

Dean just says, “sure,” but it feels forced and overly bright in the light of day. Castiel is grateful that he can close the door of the bathroom between them.

They don’t speak again until they’re in the Impala. “Cas,” Dean starts, fiddling with his keys, still in his hand.

The parking lot of the motel is quiet. Castiel sees a bird, a robin, land on the roof of a minivan a few spots over. The robin cocks its head, then takes off. Castiel tracks its path up, over the motel, away from this place until he can’t see it anymore. He looks back over at Dean who is watching him watch the bird.

Dean opens his mouth, closes it, looks away. He puts the key in the ignition. “Gonna stop for breakfast on the way,” he says to the steering wheel.

Castiel tries again at the diner, but he is overwhelmed by the sheer number of options on the menu, and the smells. Dean orders bacon and eggs for both of them, when Castiel finds he can’t speak. He reaches across the table and flips the mug in front of Castiel right side up.

Around them, the diner is noisy, the low murmur of conversation, the scrape of utensils, the bell dinging in the kitchen. A woman comes by the table and fills their mugs, then their plates a few minutes later. “Dean,” Castiel says, watching Dean scoop his eggs and bacon onto his toast. He hasn’t touched his own plate, other than to pick up his toast and turn it between his fingers, before putting it back down to stop it from crumbling away.

The diner feels too public for the conversation, yet the Impala was too private. There are too many people, or too few. There is too much space between them, or not enough. They are two pieces that used to go together, but one of them is worn down too much to fit correctly anymore. Or perhaps it’s both of them. “Could you pass the sugar?” Castiel asks, and finally, eats.

***

The drive to the Gas-n-Sip is just as quiet as breakfast. Castiel expects it to stretch on for ages, but it doesn’t. They pull up to the curb in front of the store. Castiel expects his departure to be simple, without fuss, but it isn’t. Dean apologizes. Dean tells Castiel he is proud. Dean tells Castiel that he is human now and not to worry. Dean looks at Castiel through the open window and every unsaid thing from the night before, from this morning is laid bare on his face for a moment, then he lifts his fingers in something like a wave, and Castiel turns away.

There are Angels Falling on the news. There is a human in a gas station in Idaho with an ache just starting up in his once-borrowed wrist. There is a ding from the bell above the door as Bill the delivery man backs in, swinging his hand truck around with a, “Morning, Steve.”

“Good morning, Bill,” Castiel says, and the day begins.

tagging: @joharvele | @contemplativepancakes | @fluffiestlou | @never-forever-more | @emblue-sparks | @tearsofgrace | @prayedtoyou | @chaoticdean | @teamfreewll let me know if you’d like to be added to/removed from my tag list 💖

[knightinoldarmor]

— blog updates

I apologize for tagging you all and bothering you once again for my shitty reasons, but since this is an important update to my blog ( I'm remaking without remaking ), I wanted you all to know what happens and how I'll be running this blog from that point on. ( I'm moving blogs to sideblogs so I can't follow you to let you know I'm moving them )

As some of you may have noticed, I'm moving my muses to separate blogs. That's a kind of system I was using a long time ago and I'm using once again now. How that works, you'll ask. Some of my muses are hosted on separate sideblogs, but I'll still be running this blog as a multimuse/hub blog. Everything will remain the SAME, I'll still be sending asks from knightinsourarmor, like calls, reblog visuals/quotes/aesthetic from different muses/fandoms. What has changed is that the writing has moved to a sideblog for each muse. I wanted them to still be tied to this blog but have a place on their own with their aesthetic, headcanons etc. ( their vibe if you get me ).

With that system, you can follow the sideblogs you want and see content only from the muses that interest you ( cool huh? ). Kind of like, little rooms my muses are hosted at, but still on the same house.

Now, to get to the point.

Todoroki Shoto and Levi Ackerman, my most active and developed muses have moved to singlemuse blogs ( different accounts, I can like content and follow back from there ). That's a decision I made because Shoto and Levi are developed to the point the rest of my muses can't catch up. They have far too many verses, can fit almost to any plot, and deserve the amount of attention I'd give on a blog on it's own.

The rest of my primary and secondary muses have moved to SIDEBLOGS tied to this blog. As for tertiary, private and test (low activity muses) they will REMAIN on this blog. This blog will also be the place I post ooc content, updates, headcanons, rp memes, reblog stuff I find notable from the rest of my blogs. So I suggest you don't unfollow even if there's only one muse you are interested in.

Despite the many blogs, knightinsourarmor will always remain the main I run. You can still treat this blog as a multimuse, tag this url to stuff, send me asks here etc.

As for urls, since I know from experience it's difficult to remember a bunch of blogs one person only runs, I've made them all have a common word, end to ‘–baund’. That way, if a sideblog appears on your dash/notes and you don't know who this is, you'll remember this blog is connected to knightinsourarmor.

Now, because of that, activity of some muses have changed. Below is a list of my muses (+crossover verses), and where they are hosted at: ( my muses page needs updating, and I'll get to it soon )

Singlemuse Blogs: Todoroki Shoto ( @lightbaund ), Levi Ackerman ( @darknessbaund )

arcane: mel medarda ( @visionbaund ), silco ( @fearbaund ), vi (violet) (here), levi ackerman (crossover, enforcer)

bnha: todoroki shoto (singlemuse at @lightbaund ), todoroki toya ( @rejectionbaund ), amajiki tamaki (here), cassiel hart (bnha oc) ( @griefbaund ), levi ackerman ( crossover, hero), kambe daisuke (crossover, detective)

bsd: oda sakunosuke (here), levi ackerman (crossover, ada member)

fkb:u: kambe daisuke (here)

kny: levi ackerman (crossover, demon slayer), mikaela hyakuya (crossover, demon slayer/demon)

miraculous: adrien agreste (here)

noragami: levi ackerman (crossover, shinki)

ons: mikaela hyakuya ( @humanitybaund )

snk: levi ackerman (singlemuse at @darknessbaund ), reiner braun ( @guiltbaund ), mikasa ackerman ( @familybaund ), kuchel ackerman ( @emptinessbaund )

servamp: licht jekylland todoroki (here), todoroki shoto (crossover, vampire)

spy x family: todoroki shoto (crossover, imperial scholar)

spn: castiel ( @freedombaund ), levi ackerman (crossover, hunter), todoroki shoto (crossover, hunter/half monster), mikaela hyakuya (crossover, vampire)

tbhk: tsuchigomori ryuujirou ( @futurebaund )

private (portrayed on this blog only ): violet evergarden, ishida shoya, oda sakunosuke

It's a pain in the ass, I know, but you don't need to remember anything, only follow the blogs you are interested in for the content you want to appear on your dash. Like I said, I will keep this blog as a main, so remembering this blog only is fine.

[quwarichi]

Gotta say Cas was the only reason I watched SPN but at the end of ep3 of s15 I cheered when he left. I'd never been prouder of him than I was at that moment. And I didn't want him to come back. With my whole chest I was screaming GOOD FOR YOU, CAS! And honestly even after Dean's prayer later in the season, I didn't think Cas was right to go back. I don't think Dean deserved Cas's goodbye speech. I don't think he deserved all those compliments.. or Cas's love. IMO Cas deserved better.. than Dean.

hmmm.... let's analyze the situation, shall we? I think that the root of our problem, our disagreement, seems to be in 15.03. I'll be taking some pointers from this post and say that Cas leaving at the end of the episode may be perceived as a "yas queen you get some self-respect", and while I'm all for it usually, this is not what actually happened.

Castiel, as a person, is one with deep-rooted insecurities and depression. Yes, you heard me, the boy's depressed, repressed, and insecure. It's important you keep that in mind for my next few points.

To quote another post: "In that process [expectations from Dean's character] I feel like even Cas fans don’t do enough digging into what makes Cas tick, what his weak points are, his fears, his cyclical dysfunctional hang-ups. Cas is a layered, complicated, well-developed character with a now 12 season history on the show, as a main character, even if he is less prominent than Sam and Dean, and as such, this means there are flaws as well as goodness in him." Cas is insecure as hell. He does shit that hurts others, has basically no self-confidence when it comes to his place in Dean and Sam's lives (though that begins to rectify around S12-13, 14.18 did a number on him) and what happened in 15.03 was the crux of it.

For my next point, I'm going back to how between the two, Cas is the truly repressed one. From his age alone, being rewritten repeatedly by Naomi every time he started showing emotions - the equivalent of a family resorting to a lobotomy because their son came out (which, harsh, yeah, but true) and that changes someone. It changes the way they process emotions. It changes the way they think and act.

Cas leaves in 15.03 not because he thinks that he deserves better, but because he doesn't think he deserves anything (from Dean). He's hurt and grieving over Jack and Dean's loss of faith in him - a big symbol between them. Cas HATES disappointing Dean. It goes all the way back to S6 and his plan to be God and can be found again and again throughout the seasons. He'd rather be alone and heartbroken than facing Dean's unrelenting will of not forgiving him, not moving past it. He thinks "It's time for me to move on" because he recognizes that Dean won't be stepping down from his stand, and a million things around them, all the years of unspoken words, come crashing down.

Look, did I cheer right there with you, internally, when Cas leaves Dean behind? Sorta. I was mostly crying because my babies are divorcing. I was cheering because this was the push I've been waiting for since season 13. It was the "bout time we get their crap together" moment.

I have a meta I wrote, about 15.06. I mention how Cas took his time in the episode to work out more of his insecurities. His issues. This brings me to 15.09, the Trap (also written by Bobo, who wrote 15.03)

In The Trap, Cas tells Dean "You couldn't forgive me, and you couldn't move on. You were too angry. I left, but you didn't stop me." That's where you should've been going "Good for you!" because that's where he recognizes he deserves better treatment.

Dean's apology was supposed to end up with an I Love You, but Cas stops him because in his mind is the "I've connected the dots" meme but replaced with the words "I've heard your prayer". He wanted an admission, an apology, a come home, please. And he got it. "You're my best friend (and so much more)" he got it.

Now, I can't do a lot for your feelings on the confession. In my mind, it was totally deserved, and Dean and Cas are in love. I've given you a... *looks up* lot of words explaining to you why I, personally, think your worries are unfounded but I'm not here to tell you what to feel.

Hope this accidental essay helps you out!

[imaginestuffs]

Sleepless Nights Jack Kline x Reader

Word count:890

Warnings: none

Summary: Sam and Dean's little sister can't sleep and Jack decides to help.

For a sweet person! 💛💛 thank you for requesting!

---------

In all of your 21 years of life nightmares have plagued you. You woke screaming, or crying sweat creating a sheen across your body. Your heart pounded rapidly, and you never wanted to go to sleep after that. 

It was another one of those nights, scared to close your eyes. Your brothers knew this they tried to help but they never could. It seemed like an impossible task. It just happens that they were on a hunt this time. You called Dean and told him about your little predicament. He tried to help you sleep by staying on the line for as long as he could. You hated to interrupt during a hunt but you just couldn't help it. You needed your brother. 

Though you were 21 you still needed your big brothers. Sometimes even Castiel when you really need him. 

But you stayed on the line and eventually pretended to be asleep so Dean wouldn't have to keep talking. You felt bad for keeping him so long, so you let him go. You didn't mind losing sleep for your brothers. 

You got up out of your bed and walked out the door. Pacing the cold corridors of the bunker. Not exactly knowing where you were going but you ended up in the library. You looked around thinking maybe a book would help you, and that's when you saw Jack. 

Jack was a sweetheart all he wanted was to help people, and he did. You slowly padded your way over to him and tapped his shoulder. He slightly jumped and swiftly turned to face you. 

"Oh, I'm sorry Jack I uh-I didn't mean to scare you." You apologized. He just looked up at you with a smile. That smile you loved so much. "It's ok (y/n), I just didn't realize you were there. Are you ok?" He asked, noticing the smile that didn't reach your eyes, and the dark circles under them. 

"Yeah I'm alright I just couldn't sleep. Thought I'd try reading something to see if that would help me." You stated your reason for being up. 

"Well, if you would like I could try and help you get to sleep. He suggested sweetly. His eyes were kind and sincere. 

You contemplated it. "It's ok Jack I don't want to bother you I'll just find a book." You said not wanting to inconvenience the cute nephilim. 

"No, no it's not a bother at all. I'd love to help.. i um-I know you have had trouble sleeping so maybe I could help." He answered wholeheartedly. 

You glanced down at your hands, and slowly nodded. "Alright Jack, that would-that would be really great.. thank you." Your voice is small and bashful. 

"Great, let's go." He chirped. Gently he grasped your smaller hand in his and tugged you along. You let a giggle fall from your lips as he happily marched his way to your bedroom. 

"Really thank you for this Jack." You said. 

He looked back at you with a soft look. Holding your door for you. "Of course (y/n)." He said. 

He suddenly picked you up. And you gasped at his action before wrapping your arms around his neck. He chuckled, before placing you down gently under the covers. His sweet actions caused a blush to bloom across your cheeks. 

He stood there awkwardly, before gesturing to the other side of the bed. "May I?" He asked.

You nodded your head and made room for him. He went around the bed and sat atop the covers next to you. "You can get under the covers Jack. It's ok, really." You stated boldly. 

He silently nodded before ridding himself of his jacket and shoes and lifting the covers and getting under them. 

"Now, um. I heard that what helps some people sleep is another person holding them. Would you like me to hold you?" He asked innocence resounding in his words. 

You blushed even darker. "Do you mean like cuddling Jack?" You questioned. 

"Yes, that's what it's called. Would you like to cuddle with me?" He asked, a large smile across his face.  

You thought about it for a minute before nodding your head. "Um- yes please.." you murmured. His bright grin diminished to a small comforting smile. He opened his arms to you. 

You scooted closer to him and wrapped your arm around him lying against his chest. Not too close, seeing as you didn't want to make him uncomfortable. 

He felt you loosely gripping him as if you were scared so he pulled you closer to him. Letting you become comfortable in his embrace. You sigh in content and settle against him. He was warm and made you feel surprisingly safe. 

Jack just held you, not exactly saying anything. And your eyes began to close, hearing his heartbeat against your ear. 

He noticed this and placed a kiss to your hair. 

"I think I like this (y/n), we should do this more often." He said quietly. You just nodded "I agree. It's nice to be this close." You said before tracing patterns on his chest. 

Your breathing began to slow and your eyes began to close. The last thing you heard was Jack whispering. 

"I won't let the nightmares come back I promise." 

They didn't come back that night. They didn't come back anymore after that. 

[rewatching-supernatural]

s10e22

Sam Winchester, let it be known that I will never forgive you for Charlie

She deserved more than that scene

She deserved more than Dean in the doorframe

She deserved a full scene, Dean falling down by her side, Dean punching Sam, Dean breaking apart

She deserved to have her death destroy us and destroy them fully

Family don't end in blood? PROVE IT

She deserves to be more impactful than a shocking episode ending

I am so angry

I hate this show

*****

All of these adults playing teenagers uh, superb

Great

*****

At least we get to see some of Dean's feelings I guess

i hate the fucking song they picked

i don't want soft sadness, I want anger

OOOH Dean okay

"You got her killed, you don't get to apologize."

Fuck you Sam, just, shut the fuck up man

Also where's Cas?

"Charlie's dead. Nice shot."

I don't give a shit if you forgi--

Wow Dean, yes, thank you

"You wanna know what I think? I think it should be you up there, not her."

"This thing with Cas and the book ends now."

"Oh, I'm gonna find whoever did this. And I'm gonna rip apart everything and everyone that they ever loved and then I'm gonna tear out their heart."

SHUT UP SAM, just SHUT UP

FUCK MAN, take a fucking hint

*****

// I'm glad I didn't watch this when it was live, because I was a teenager and I was filled already with so much anger, I would have been unable to deal with Charlie's death. That would have consumed me for months, the way Bobby's did, but with anger instead of sadness and nostalgia. I probably would have sent hate mail to the authors (never tbe actors).

*****

Kid cut up the other kid, weird family crap, blabla

*****

Rowena is still FUCKING annoying

and poor Cas-- OMG CAS DOESN'T KNOW

Cas didn't know 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

They burned her AND DIDN'T EVEN TELL CAS

OMFG WHY

he definitely would have gone

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"I'd be happy to kill her, she just called me a fish."

*****

Cas, go take care of Dean

he needs you, your support and your help

*****

This fucking bitch hasn't done a single thing so far, Charlie did the whole code breaking

Just murder her

Yall can murder Charlie, you can also fucking kill Rowena

*****

Crowley is interacting with this guy and it's the most wholesome interaction in the last what, two or three episodes?? how???

*****

Dean took his one phone call to call Crowley, the only person he knows will come and help him

Oh FUCK YOU SAM, YOU CAN'T GO AROUND AND KILL CROWLEY

FUCK MAN

how has this show turned into absolute shit town?!?!

If Crowley legit just dies here, I'm done

I'm not watching anymore

*****

Wow and now Dean just got got

where is this even going

who the fuck even cares

are we supposed to care about Sam? to want him to succeed?

bitch you just killed CHARLIE

Go fuck yourself, YOU are a monster too

*****

I'm rooting for Crowley to kill Sam

HELL YES ARE WE GETTING CROWLEY BACK?!?

LIKE, ACTUAL CROWLEY?!!!

Holy shit we are

bad bitch Crowley is BACK

thank god

*****

If they could cut Dean's arm that has the mark and replace it with someone else's, maybe it'd solve all our problems

oh no, instead, Dean is killing

we love that for him

we stan one mass murderer Dean here

*****

THE ASSES GOT INTO THE BUNKER

THE BUNKER IS COMPROMISED

holy shit

could anything else go wrong, please

*****

Dean killed EVERYONE

YES 🎉🎉🎉

*****

OMG THEY DESTROYED EVERYTHING 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

oh my god

The photo with Bobby 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

DEAN'S FAMILY PHOTOS

IF DEAN DOESN'T MURDER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE FUCKERS, I WILL

Dean looks amazing covered in Styne blood 😏

KILL HIM BEFORE HE TELLS US DEAN I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

Dean could save the kid but honestly?

I don't give a fuck

It's justified in my head

*****

Castiel got here just in time to disagree, but too late to stop it

Good

Okay this is very important

Angel of the Lord Castiel, my boy, what are you going to do?

Oh, he's right

He is the one who will have to watch him murder the world, because he's immortal, just like him

Cas is handling this perfectly, exactly like I'd expect Castiel to, so that they got good

and Dean beating him up shows how much the Mark is impacting him

We've been here before

total opposites, Cas killing Dean

and ultimately, choosing not to

*****

alright so now, onto season finale

what more "spectacular" could happen?

either they get the mark off, or one of the main three dies

that's the ONLY possible outcomes

so, which will it be?

[eisforeidolon]

I am sorry but I just need to vent about misha being an absolute creep. I am so goddamn tired of him constantly trying to insert himself into jensen and danneel's relationship saying danneel is his girlfriend or in the recent purgatory 8 con, his wife. It's so disrespectful towards their marriage, kids and family. I understand it may be a joke but there's a limit and misha always seems to cross that. It's like he's in love with the idea of having a threesome with the ackles. He always has something or the else to say about danneel sexually which is honestly creepy to me. And I've noticed how that makes jensen so uncomfortable, like dude that's his wife back off. He has done this soo many times over the years. Ughhh I strongly dislike him, idk how the others stand him after he makes such crass jokes. And the fans who ship the 3 together are soo toxic and delulu like which sane couple would want to include such a problematic person like misha into their relationship and make it an unhealthy environment for their children to grow up in. I'm sorry for the vent, I'm just very disgusted by him😶

No apologies necessary, because I agree, it's just so fucking weird.

We know the the Ackles primarily (if not exclusively) only hang out together with Misha around work-related events. On the one side, while Danneel has made some vague noises about being a fan of Misha/Castiel, and Jensen does talk about him as a friend? Most of Jensen's comments about him are dunking on him for being awkward, for saying shit he can't back up, and just generally ribbing him for the weird shit he gets himself into and what a strange guy he is. Then on the other side you have Misha frequently making these very sexual and/or suggestive quote unquote jokes about both of them. Like, I'd still think it was odd if they were all publicly sharing that kind of sexualized banter back and forth on a regular basis, but they aren't. It's always Misha starting it and often Misha doing it alone, metaphorically behind their backs. Which is a huge part of what makes it so creepy, because it makes him come off more like some weird invasive fan failing at boundaries who they have to publicly be nice to because ~*SPN fambily*~ rather than it being an understandable friendship that genuinely exists between them.

Which is bad enough, but you can't separate his behavior from the context of the fandom he's pointedly doing it for. The loud majority of people still buying his crap (ops/autos/merch) and potentially following any future projects he might have? Are hellers/cockles shippers. Who only really care about him in terms of fantasizing about him and Jensen together (and pointedly include Danneel to contrast themselves against the wife haters in the extreme J2 tinhatter camp). Which takes the whole thing from just awkward creepy into a very calculated, opportunistic user kind of creepy.

I'm not sure there's anyone or anything Misha wouldn't "joke" about being intimate with if he thought he could make a buck off it. He's shown over and over he has no integrity and blatantly lacks respect for other people if throwing them under the bus (or talking about them as a sex object) will play well with his audience.

[lostinmcyt]

uh boy, okay, let's go under the cut

now bear in mind that even though I've been in the SPN fandom for years I fell out of it few years ago and only got dragged back in into being interested in the shenanigans last November, when I woke up, opened tumblr and got slapped in the face with the news that Destiel is canon, in the show, no more speculations after 11 seasons, Castiel is actually in love with Dean- oh and then immediately dies and gets sent to super hell as soon as he admits that.

all hell broke loose.

you may have seen something about that on tumblr - I'd assume the fever dream that was November 5th would've breached containment even to the dreamsmp side of tumblr, seeing how, well-

it was also the night of USA election results and rumours of Putin resigning and these three facts were tied together in all the memes, gods bless.

but twas just the beginning.

since that night we had

> non-English dubbings (namely i believe Spanish and Italian but I may be wrong) of the Confession Scene making it be romantic in both ways, not just from Castiel's side, which the SPN powers to be called 'the work of a rogue translator'

> people analyzing the Confession Scene and coming to the agreement that it was voiced over in post production and that it was meant to be mutual but it got cut at the last moment, which would explain why the dubbings were different (conspiracy theories, yes, I wouldn't put it past CW personally lmao, but it doesn't matter, it sure was talked about for weeks)

> some people working on the show going feral on twitter in support of the ship, gods I wish i remembered the details but I yote them out of my brain, sorry

> Misha Collins, the actor playing Castiel, who went on twitter to say that nothing was altered and he is happy with how the scene played out and people are overreacting (paraphrasing), but the tweets read as if he had a gun pointed at his head by CW to do damage control, especially since he was number 1 Destiel shipper out there always - he later apologized for that as fans explained why they were unhappy with this ending for Cas

> an actual ending of the show which barely anyone liked, followed by

> some leaked scripts showing alternative ending to the show that was supposedly scrapped because of covid, except it didn't really add up to fans

> Jensen Ackles, the actor playing Dean and his wife creating their own production company, followed by

> them obtaining rights to Supernatural from CW, which caused the fans to speculate they will be making a show set in Supernatural universe...

and sure enough!

yesterday dropped the news that they will be making a prequel. this wouldn't be drama worthy in on itself (if we ignore the fact that they chose the worst possible plot for it fshafsha) IF NOT FOR THE FACT that the actor playing Sam Winchester, who for 15 years was Jensen's bestie, HAD NO IDEA they're planning to do that.

HE FOUND OUT ON TWITTER.

and so that is why, from what I've heard, Supernatural trended twice on twitter yesterday :')

now I'm sure I'm missing a ton of things that have happened between November and now, because I'm not actively looking for this information, it's finding me anyways, but, yeah. the SPN fandom can never truly rest.

Ok, Tumblr, I finally have enough balls to ask. What is the deal with Supernatural? Last time I checked it was a glorified edgy ghost-hounters fanfic. The hell happened?

[good-things-do-happen-dean]

@all-about-turquoise part two of this is finally here!!! smut and angst and tags under the cut

Nobody is keeping watch. Somebody probably should be, definitely should be, since Dean already can't keep quiet. Benny's attached himself to the sensitive skin of Dean's neck just below his ear, just above a pulse point, and he’s got one arm thrown across Dean’s stomach, two fingers tucked into the belt loop on Cas’s coat. Cas has one hand cradled under Dean's head to keep it from knocking back against the stone floor of the cave, and the other twisted around Benny's suspender, tugging him closer, while he presses feather-light kisses to Dean’s forehead, his eyelids, the tip of his nose, the dip in his chin.

They've never done this before, not all three of them. Well, not exactly. Dean saw Benny once, watching him move against Cas in the dappled gray-green light of a clearing, made eye contact with him over Cas's shoulder and fell over the edge when Benny reached down to palm himself through his trousers, shaking and biting his cheek so hard he drew blood.

But this is different. Dean could lose himself with, between, under Benny and Cas, but he finds that isn't what he wants. Not this time. Not right now, at least. There will be time for that later, after, somewhere with a big standing shower and a soft mattress, where they can take their time and there’s clean clothes they can strip off and leave in a pile on the floor. And there’s something better than spit. He swallows, thinking of Benny moving inside him and Cas against him. Or Cas inside him while Benny nudges against his mouth. Or -

He wriggles free and hauls himself up to sit against the rough stone wall of the cave.

"Dean?" Cas says, voice rough, pupils already blown wide.

"Will you -" Dean starts, then finds he doesn't know what to say.  "Please -” His gaze flicks between the two of them propping themselves up on their elbows to look at him. Cas’s hair is a wreck already, mussed from where Dean curled his fingers into it to pull him closer and stop teasing, damn it. Benny’s coat is hanging off one shoulder, his suspender twisted into the collar of his shirt. Dean licks his lips.

"Lookin' for a show, chief?" Benny says, raising one eyebrow at him.

Yes. He wants Benny and Cas together, two forces of nature meeting in the middle. He wants to see, even if they can only move against each other in too many layers. Dean grabs a fistful of his jeans to keep his hands from shaking.

Benny looks Cas up and down, a slow grin spreading across his face. "What do you say, angel?"

"Yes," Cas says simply, like he had been waiting for them to ask.

They reach for each other and Dean forgets how to breathe.

Where Cas and Benny are gentle with Dean, together they fight. It’s teeth and rough hands pulling at clothes and thighs shoved between knees. It’s heavy breathing in the stillness of the cave, the stillness of the dawn or the twilight or the noon before a storm, and it’s bitten-off noises Dean realizes are coming from him just at the sight of it all.

Before long, Cas has a hand between them, working at Benny’s belt, the buttons on his trousers. Benny rucks up Cas’s coat to palm at the swell of his ass, hooking his fingers in the waistband of those grimy scrub pants and easing them down. There’s a hiss from Cas at the contact, hot flesh against hot flesh, and Benny extricates one hand to spit in it.

Dean swallows, watching the rolling push-pull of their thrusts into Benny’s hand. He can’t see it all, not with their clothes in the way, but there’s the smooth motion of Benny’s hips, the intense concentration on Cas’s face before he tips his forehead against Benny’s to look between them.

And Dean can’t take it anymore. He unclenches his hands from where they’re fisted in the rough fabric of his jeans so hard he has to wiggle his fingers to get the blood flowing again.

Benny looks up at the sound of Dean's zipper, loud in the quiet hush of their heavy breathing. He grins at the sight of Dean taking himself in hand, then lets out a hiss when Cas bites at his exposed neck and takes the opportunity to throw his leg over Benny's and flip them so he's astride Benny, one knee planted on either side of his hips. And oh, now Dean can see.

Cas bats Benny's hand out of the way so he can rut against him unimpeded for a moment, fully on display for Dean, who bites off a groan at the sight, at the feeling of his own grip involuntarily tightening. He drops to his elbows over Benny, smoothing the hair at Benny’s temple in an unexpectedly gentle move that has Dean aching for when this is all over, for after so suddenly that he nearly misses Cas’s quiet “prends soin de lui” to Benny, who nods once and squeezes Cas’s hips. “Si on le trouve, promets-moi,” Cas says in a rush.

“Je promets.”

“Et - et prends soin de toi. S'il vous plaît, je -”

“Castiel, je comprends. Je promets.”

“Didn’t know I’d need to understand French to keep up during sex,” Dean says, breathless at the way Castiel rolls off Benny’s tongue. He’s moving urgently now, fire coiling low in his belly. They are too. The smooth motion of Cas’s hips stutters against Benny, who cranes his neck to look up at Dean and wink, but there’s something off, something guarded in his expression, except Dean doesn’t have time to figure it out because Cas is reaching a hand out for him, grasping the bare skin of Dean’s ankle.

Cas tugs at Dean’s leg. “Viens - Dean. Come here.”

There’s a wild look in Cas’s eyes as he grabs at Dean to pull him closer with one hand, reaches down to take hold of himself and Benny with the other. Dean hauls himself up to kneeling and shuffles over not very gracefully, unable to keep his hands off. But Cas rolls off Benny, pulling Dean back down between them, and suddenly it’s all hands and hot flesh against the bare skin of Dean’s stomach where his shirt got rucked up in the shuffle and Benny’s mouth at his ear again, breathing huffs of hot air there, and Cas’s forehead against his, blue eyes boring into his until it’s too much and Cas leans in to capture Dean’s mouth, swallowing his cry as he falls over the edge.

Benny follows with a sigh, then Cas, who pulls away and drops his forehead to Dean’s neck, right against his racing pulse.

They lie there tangled together for a moment, a minute, an hour, Dean isn’t sure. Long enough for him to think about after again: lazy mornings under fresh sheets and clean washcloths by the bed to wipe themselves with and a shower big enough round two for the three of them. And then he thinks about breakfast and mowing the lawn and taking a drive just for the hell of it, and everything he had with Lisa, but with Cas and with Benny, and he remembers why he shouldn’t think what if.

After they clean up and resume the trail, there’s a leaf, a wind, and then a spell and a strange cold-warm fullness in Dean’s arm. Leviathan. Cas slipping away, grabbing desperately for his arm, the sleeve of his coat, anything. A blink.

Fresh air and the sound of a forest at night. Sights, sounds, smells all ramped up to eleven after the muted gray of Purgatory.

And no Castiel.

tagging: @joharvele | @contemplativepancakes | @fluffiestlou | @never-forever-more | @emblue-sparks

let me know if you’d like to be added to/removed from my tag list 💖

[mapofredemption]

*fiercely slaps chest multiple times* YES!!!! FUCKING THANK YOU!!!!

absolutely FUCK this absurd idea that sam and dean are two halves of one whole instead of two very different separate people with their own personalities and motives. sam would NEVER treat cas like dean does, and unlike dean, has only shown love, forgiveness, respect, admiration, and empathy for cas. he values their friendship and is determined to endure thick and thin for him. sam has said it himself, "he's our friend too, okay? and i'd die for him, i would." cas also considers sam his friend and always makes sure he's okay, always reciprocates what sam does for him, because "nothing is worth losing you." that is what makes a healthy and loving relationship.

if sam was there when dean pushed cas over the edge, i can guarantee you that even while mourning for rowena, he would fight for him with passion, protect him from dean, adamantly make it crystal clear that although dean has sam, cas has sam too. and sam does want cas, because unlike dean who cares about how useful he is, sam genuinely cares about castiel himself. even if castiel still decides to leave due to needing time to move on, sam would fully respect that, because "his choice deserves to be respected." but of course, sam would reassure cas beforehand that he always has a home with sam, and can come back at any time if he wants to, because cas is also his family and sam knows the real meaning of family.

there's so much more evidence that i can provide. sam has made his own mistakes, but the difference between him and dean is that he genuinely apologizes and does his best to become a better person. sam and dean are not a package deal; it was dean and dean only who did not think twice about cas going to hell. claiming that both sam and dean don't care about cas is not only an insult to sam, but sounds like a vile attempt at absolving dean of all responsibility.

stop punishing sam for dean's awful treatment of cas.

"your part in all this is pretty dangerous... your friends might never see you again. funny 'cause they didn't seem to think twice about it." you can say dean. it's okay, belphegor. join the dean-critical bitter cas fans.