#i’ve only been an active fan for close to 5 but i’m gonna stay for as long as i can 🥹🥹🥹😍😍😍

[accio-victuuri]

10 year anniversary fan video by stardustkii ✨💚

"You lightly hold up your dreams and carry a small bag on your back." Ten years have passed and the little boy who loves dancing has become a shining big star with multi-faceted development.

[hangovercurse]

Until You Fall Asleep

After moving in with the crew to help cure your quarantine boredom, you find a new way to deal with your insomnia.

Request: “Could you please do a Colson fanfic where you're a friend of the gang and you move into their house for quarantine so you're not alone. Colson finds out you have terrible insomnia and starts staying up to keep you company and you gradually start sleeping in his bed because it's the only place you seem to actually sleep. You start to get really close through these late night chats, watching films, sharing stuff and opening up to each other... Friendship starts to develop into something else. I need some fluff to see me through these sleepless nights! 🙏😘 Thanks!”

Colson X Reader

Warnings: cursing

Word Count: 3487

Living with your best friends during a nationwide quarantine seemed like a good idea when you agreed to it, but after the 5th night of wandering the huge house late at night because you couldn’t sleep, you were starting to think you should’ve stayed where you were. At least at your own place, you didn’t have to worry about sneaking around so as not to wake anyone up.

Luckily, no one seemed to notice that you woke up earlier than everyone else in the house or went to sleep later. Or if they did, no one said anything.

Day five

Tonight hadn’t been going so well. You had tried showering, you hadn’t eaten for at least a few hours before trying to sleep, you turned your lavender diffuser on, you’d even tried yoga. Nothing helped, and you were left staring at your ceiling.

Frustrated and uncomfortable, you rolled out of your bed, sock clad feet pattering across your room and slowly pulling your door open. You made your way through the house and out to the pool, letting the cool night air wash over you. A deep breath fell from your lips as you began to pace around the deck, hoping to tire yourself out enough to sleep.

After a few minutes, you heard the sliding glass door open, looking up and finding Colson stepping out with a blunt in his hand. He smiled tiredly at you, “you’re up early.”

You raised an eyebrow, “what time is it?” You figured it was 4, maybe 5 am.

“Almost 7,” he looked concerned, “you okay?”

You were trying to figure out how you managed to stay up until 7 am without a wink of sleep, “yeah, just couldn’t sleep. It’s cool though. Why are you up?”

Colson lit the blunt as he spoke, “couldn’t sleep either.”

Day eight

You found yourself curled up on the couch, reading a book at 5:30 in the morning after hours of trying to fall asleep. You swore if you stayed in your room a second longer, you’d break something, so you snuck out to the TV room with the most boring book you could find.

“Do you ever sleep?” Colson’s voice surprised you, making you jump lightly in your seat. The man chuckled at your reaction, taking a seat next to you.

You pouted at his glee, “I could ask you the same thing.”

He shrugged, “sleep is for the weak.”

A sarcastic chuckle fell from your lips, “oh yeah, I feel so strong and cool right now.”

The man laughed with you, but soon turned serious, “serious though, are you good? Both nights this week I haven’t slept you’ve been awake, and I know you don’t take naps.”

You sighed, “it’s just insomnia, I’ve been dealing with it on and off for a couple years now. It’s not a big deal.”

He cocked his head in curiosity and worry, “how much sleep have you been getting?”

You ducked your head in embarrassment, “I slept for an hour at like 3, hopefully I’ll fall asleep again at some point tonight.”

Colson frowned, “can I help at all?”

A small smile fell upon your face, “sometimes talking helps, but honestly not much else. It’s not that big of a problem, though. I’ve been dealing with this for a while, I’m used to it.”

He looked shocked, “dude, you sleep for a few hours every night! That’s a problem. I don’t even know how you’re still alive.”

“Like you’ve never gone a couple days in a row without sleeping,” you said sarcastically.

“No! I go to sleep late as fuck, but I sleep eventually most nights. You’re on a whole different level.” His tone was slightly defensive, if not concerned, “do I need to get you some pills or something? I can do that.”

Your eyes went wide, “Jesus, Kells, no. I have enough to deal with, I don’t need another addiction on my hands too.”

He chuckled, “I’m just saying it might help. I’m assuming weed does nothing?”

You sighed sadly, “it did for a while, but I think my body got used to it. I just have to wait it out until I inevitably pass out.”

“Well, guess I’ll just bother you until you fall asleep.” He relaxed further into the couch, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Colson, you really don’t have to-“

“You won’t let me get you drugs, so I’m gonna stay up with you. It’s the least I can do.” He smiled widely, knowing he would get his way.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that, right?”

Day Twelve

“You think that Captain America has the best character arc? Seriously?”

Your nightly chats with Colson had moved into his room after Baze was woken up by Colson’s loud laughter during a conversation about what type of dogs you’d both be. So, you were sat cross legged on his bed, facing each other in deep conversation.

The man tried to defend his stance to you, “okay, I know everyone loves Tony’s whole asshole to hero thing, but Captain America went from this goody two shoes to this badass criminal and he still got the girl in the end.”

You shook your head, “you’re just wrong in every way. I’m not even saying Iron Man had a better story, but literally every other character developed more than Steve. He wasn’t that badass in the end, and the fact that he went back to get the girl just proves he never really changed all that much. He was static.”

“So, you’re telling me, if we watched every single movie with Captain America in it, you wouldn’t be entertained?” He crossed his arms and leaned backwards, eyeing you challengingly.

You scoffed, “the movies are fine, I just think that Marvel has produced better superheroes with better plotlines.”

“New plan, we’re going to watch every marvel movie in order and then you can tell me that I’m right.” He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV across from his bed.

Rolling your eyes, you moved back to lean against the headrest, legs spread out in front of you, “you’re not right, but I’ll watch them just to see the look on your face when you realize you’re wrong.”

Colson flopped down on the bed next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you so that you were leaning into his side. A yawn escaped his mouth, “if you get tired, let me know.”

You giggled, “I’m always tired, I just can’t sleep. I won’t get offended if you fall asleep though.”

He pulled a face, “I’m not falling asleep.”

About an hour into the movie the slow rise and fall of his chest indicated differently. You chuckled to yourself once you realized he had fallen asleep, turning further into his chest, and allowing yourself to get more comfortable.

Somewhere between 4 and 5 am, you found your eyes finally closing of their own accord, unconsciousness washing over you.

Day 17

Since starting your marvel movie binges with Colson, you’d found yourself getting more sleep. You couldn’t tell if it was from the movies or from Colson, but either way something seemed to be working.

Tonight, however, even your new routine wouldn’t lull you to sleep. You tried every breathing exercise in the book, but nothing seemed to work. Colson had fallen asleep a while ago, his arm wrapped around you as per usual, so you couldn’t talk yourself to sleep.

So, you decided to take a stroll around the house, hoping the small form of physical activity would help. But in order to get out of bed, you would have to find a way out of Colson’s embrace without waking him up.

You slowly and gently grabbed his hand and removed it from your side, laying it on the bed next to you. Then, you sat up slowly, only to be pulled back into his chest, “where’re you going?”

His voice was deep and gravelly, sleepiness very evident. You responded with a whispered, “I can’t sleep, was gonna go walk around.”

He pulled you in closer to him, nuzzling his face into the crown of your head, “but you’re so warm.”

You chuckled, cuddling into the man, “fine, I’ll stay.” You tried to close your eyes and find sleep, but again, none came. Sighing, you accepted that you would be stuck in your current position, realizing there were worse things than being wrapped up in a beautiful boy’s arms.

Day 25

“I know aliens probably exist, but do you think they’d ever take one of us to study?”

Colson chuckled at your question, “like a human in general or, like, you and me?”

“Like you or me. Do you think we’re important enough to be studied?”

He squeezed your waist, “I think you are in desperate need of sleep.”

Laughing, you responded, “I’m serious! And I have been sleeping, thank you very much.”

“Okay, fine. I think if aliens ever came to Earth, they’d probably be more interested in, like, genius billionaires or really dumb people, like people from Florida.”

You slapped his arm, “don’t be mean to Florida.”

You could feel the vibrations from his laughter, making you giggle. “Fine, but my point is they wouldn’t be interested in us unless they’re really into music.”

“Darn,” you huffed.

He raised an eyebrow at you, “you want aliens to take you and study you?”

Balancing yourself on his chest, you lifted yourself up to look down at him, “yes! That would be so fucking cool.”

He shook his head with a laugh, “you’re crazy.”

“Think about it, who else would be able to say they got studied by aliens. And then you’d know that you were important to someone, even if it is just alien scientists.”

Rolling his eyes, Colson pulled you back down into him, your hands still resting on his chest, “I don’t need aliens to know I’m important.”

“Well not all of us can be ubertalented rock stars with millions of fans,” you joked, a teasing smile on your face.

You glanced up to find his eyes trained on you, holding a softer look in them than you had expected, “I didn’t mean that.”

It took a few moments for his words to get processed by your brain, but you immediately dismissed the thought that he could be talking about you specifically. More than likely he was referencing his family in general, which you could be included in.

Day 31

To celebrate a full month in quarantine, the guys had decided to throw an in-house only party, which just meant that everyone had an excuse to drink together more than normal. You were staying mostly sober, knowing that otherwise the boys would most likely break something, most likely themselves.

You watched from your place on the kitchen counter as Rook, Baze, Slim, Dre, Irv, Dub, and Colson played a round of King’s cup.

“Y/N, you have to drink,” Rook called from across the room, “it’s a six.”

“If there’s no women playing then you just skip that card, Rookie.” You called but took a sip from your cup anyways.

Colson whined, “this is boring.” You chuckled as he moved away from the table to come stand by you, the rest of the guys continuing without him. He leaned against the counter next to your dangling leg, letting you run your fingers through his blond hair, “parties are boring now, Y/N.”

You could tell that he was gone, the alcohol having almost full control of him. “When we get out of quarantine, we’ll throw the biggest party ever, Kells,” you said, letting your hand fall to rest on his shoulder. The man grasped your hand in his and moved it back up to the top of his head, silently begging for you to continue. He turned into a cat, practically purring as he leaned into you, “hey, Kells, you tired?”

He shook his head, “no, ‘m gonna stay up with you, remember?”

You laughed softly, “it’s okay, Kells. You should get some sleep; I’ll be okay for a night.”

His arms wrapped around your middle, head burying into your stomach, “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

“You gotta let me off this counter for that.” This was a side of Colson you rarely saw; the drunk, very cuddly version of Colson. Occasionally he’d cling on to you when he got really tired, but that was in the privacy of his room. Here he was hanging onto you in front of all his friends, though granted they were too drunk to notice anything unusual.

You hopped off the counter, taking on some of Colson’s body weight in order to get him up the stairs and to his room. Truthfully, you planned to leave him in his bed once you got him there, but he had other plans. As soon as you moved to walk away from the bed, he grabbed your arm sleepily, “why are you leaving?”

Running a hand along his jaw softly, you softly said, “I’m gonna go to my room.”

He whined, “you never sleep in your room, stay.”

You bit your lip, unsure how to respond to that, “Kells, you’re drunk, you need some sleep.”

“I can’t sleep without you.” His eyes were glazed over, making his pleading look even more appealing than normal.

Sighing, you muttered, “yes, you can. I’ll be right down the hall,” but he wasn’t taking no for an answer, hand still firmly around your wrist.

“No.”

You rolled your eyes, climbing into the bed next to him, “I’m only doing this because you need to go to sleep.” He hummed in response to that, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you tightly into him, leaving no room for you to escape even if you tried.

Day 37

Nights with Colson had slowly turned into every moment with Colson. You woke up together, ate breakfast together, spent time together. You were rarely separated for long, not that either of you minded.

At some point, the line between friends and whatever lied next had gotten blurred, but not fully crossed. You and Colson were touchy and cuddly during the day as well as at night, and everyone in the house was starting to notice it.

Part of you just wanted to kiss him and see what happened, but you knew messing with a situation like this could go very wrong very fast. So, you just left it up to him to figure out where this thing would go, knowing he probably wouldn’t make the first move either.

But as you laid in his arms, listening to his midnight ramblings, you couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if you took matters into your own hands. You watched his lips move as he spoke, wanting nothing more than to lean up and press your own against them. Of course, you would never actually do it, but it was nice to dream.

There was a lull in the conversation which was spent with your eyes dancing across each other’s face, trying to figure out what to say next. Suddenly, he blurted out, “can I get your advice on something?”

You nodded in response, a soft smile on your face. He continued, “this sounds so stupid, but there’s this girl I’ve been talking to recently and I can’t figure out if she ‘s into me or we’re just really good friends.”

You sat up slightly, perking an eyebrow up, “well what signs has she given you that she’s into you?” Your heart burned, hoping he was talking about you. It was a feeling that had been happening a lot recently whenever you were around him, which was almost all the time.

He sighed, “I mean, we talk like, all the time about everything. And I think she flirts with me, but I’m not completely sure if she’s flirting or she’s just being friendly.”

“Well, what signs say that she’s not into you?” You ask, biting your lip to hide the grin forming on your face.

Colson hesitated, “I mean, none, really. I’m just scared of messing up our friendship, you know?”

You nodded, “well, you’ll never know if you never ask her. I’m sure it’ll work out.”

He was quiet for a long time, clearly turning the advice over in his head, “I would but, with quarantine and everything, I just don’t think it’s the right time. We wouldn’t be able to actually, you know.”

Your heart fell, realizing that there was no possible way he was talking about you. It felt like every bone in your body turned to Jell-o at the realization, a lump forming in your throat. “Right, well, maybe you could invite her over to the house. Or do a cute facetime date or something.”

He nodded but stayed quiet. You fully sat up, swinging your legs off the bed. “Where are you going?” he asked softly.

Something inside of you was slowly crumbling, and you needed to get yourself out of his presence as soon as possible, “I just need to take a walk, I don’t think I’m tired enough to get any form of sleep.”

Colson let out a small “oh,” as you stood up and swiftly left the room, tears forming in your eyes.

You felt silly for letting yourself fall so easily and for thinking that he might have felt the same way. But you could’ve sworn there was something forming between you two.

And how had you never heard of this new girl? How long had that been going on?

So many thoughts swirled around in your head as you made your way downstairs and out to the empty pool deck, pacing the familiar space. You tried to convince yourself that your feelings weren’t as strong as they actually were so that this could somehow be easier, but you knew it wouldn’t work.

The sound of the door sliding open caught your attention, your eyes meeting those all too familiar blue ones. “You okay?” he asked, leaning against the wall of the house. You flashed him a fake smile with a nod. “This doesn’t have anything to do with what I just-”

“No, no,” you cut him off, “I’m just restless right now, needed to get some energy out.”

He nodded, watching you cautiously, “I’m actually super tired, so I’m gonna get some sleep. I’ll see you in a few?”

You nodded, knowing full well you had no intention of getting back into his bed, “yeah, goodnight.” You turned your head to the ground, studying the cement below your feet.

The door opened and shut, but when you looked back up, Colson was still standing outside, watching you. “I don’t know why I said that. There isn’t a girl in quarantine. Well, I mean, there is, but we wouldn’t not be able to see each other.”

Your head was spinning, trying to make sense of whatever he was saying. He kept talking, “I got nervous and chickened out and then you left and I felt like an idiot.” You looked up to him, confusion evident on your face as he continued on the borderline of rambling, “so I’m just gonna throw this out there and whatever happens, happens.”

You stared at him blankly, not fully processing his words or what was happening.

“Would you wanna go on a date with me? Or, like, whatever kind of date we can pull off here?”

Your eyes went wide in shock, the rollercoaster you had just been on emotionally twisting your mind. You didn’t speak for a few moments, making Colson nervous, but you finally got out a stuttered, “yes.”

He sighed in relief, “god I feel like such a teenager right now.”

You came back to your senses, narrowing your eyes at him, “do you realize the emotional turmoil you just put me through? I feel like I’m crazy!”

He chuckled, moving towards you, and wrapping his arms around your waist, “I know, I’m an asshole. But it was worth it, right?”

“I was literally rethinking my entire life out here,” you pouted, leaning into his touch.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

You rolled your eyes, “look who’s all Mr. confident now.”

The vibrations of his laugh shook your own body, “well, you said yes. This would be a completely different story if you had said no. Then I would be the one rethinking my entire life.”

You smirked teasingly, “I could always change my mind.”

He shook his head with a chuckle, “shut up.” His lips met yours, one hand reaching up to softly hold your jaw. You melted into the kiss, your arms moving to wrap around his neck loosely.

You pulled away slowly, a smile spread on your face, “this almost makes not being able to sleep worth it.”

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[legionofpotatoes]

I love your art, it is very detailed in a neat way. Was wondering how you got started making it as a source of income? How did you get your first paid work, I'd love some advice on how to get started, if that's ok

Thank you. Of course it's okay, although I doubt I have enough work experience in art to really delve into this. I only went full freelance this year, and had been juggling art as a side hobby until then. If you're still interested in my somewhat narrow perspective, and are okay with my long-winded rambles, I'll give it a shot:

So to answer your question fully, I'll describe how I started and move into personal advice and learnings later on. As a disclaimer, I am a white cishet dude in my late twenties with a moderate cocktail of mental illnesses, but overall I can pass for a functioning adult so a lot I have to say may come laced with privilege I cannot fully identify.

So uhh I began drawing in around 2012? I think? Maybe halfway through 2011? And I mostly made fanart for things I enjoyed and tried to branch out in communities that felt nourishing to my style and interests (I caught a bug for alt posters and enjoyed mainstream movies so I spent a long time on posterspy early on). There were a handful of opportunities that came from there but I could only accept a couple because of primary workplace commitments. Still, it showed that networking in a focused community was definitely a good place to start; I myself have huge trouble committing to social networks and really staying socially active, but I knew it was an essential ingredient in succeeding so I tried to make myself be involved in challenges and art support trains etc. as much as I could.

In parallel to all that I also ran a few third party online stores (redbubble, teepublic) for disposable income and would sometimes, if rarely, hit around $100-150 a month from those sources combined. It is a sort of thing that requires helper accounts on other social media sites to promote it on, because the stores themselves have a huge volume of content that translates into low organic discoverability. Obviously it was never gonna be the way towards financial independence through art, and with community projects being few and far between, I opened private commissions in around uhhh 2017 I think, focusing on offering a few styles I knew I could do well, and sometimes operating in individual fandoms (it was mostly a bioware thing to be frank). But I had to close them back down after a year or so, again because of work-life conflict and how badly it was burning me out. The reason I kept trying to monetize this hobby is because I honestly hated what I did for my main job and wanted to see a way out in some shape or form in the future.

And then in 2020 I had to quit my main job altogether because of *gestures at pandemic* and deal with a mental breakdown from all the wonderful things it did to us and me specifically. I took a short break and decided to give art a shot full-time, and that was around May this year. I was planning on opening up commissions again (and I still am), but a few sudden opportunities that fell in my lap moved that timetable down and now I'm grateful to even be doing something I am getting adequately paid for.

So, with that somewhat limited perspective, here's what I've learned that I'd tell myself if I was just starting out:

1. Being a fan of something can be a shortcut towards effective networking kickoffs. Which are important evidently. If you love something and enjoy making content for it, join communities, settle into a combination of social media websites that feel right for those interests + your body of work + your inner rhythm, and try to play to content discovery as much as your mental health allows you to. Like I said, I know that I myself am incredibly bad at self-motivating to talk to people, so I found that synergizing common interests into fanart - which I enjoyed making anyway - could be a way to give myself a gentle nudge forward and build those bridges leading to community activities, which then net experience and coverage. Sometimes even freelance projects from official avenues. Again; picking the right spaces for what you're after is key. Companies roam twitter, concept art recruiters scour artstation or linkedin etc, instagram can land you private commissions and collab opportunities, so on and so forth. Find your niche and try to kick up dust. However...

2. I do not believe that any social profile can replace a good portfolio. The thing that made an immediate difference to me this year was building a coherent, simple website with my best work front and center and a contact form on top. Every single opportunity I got came from that form (maybe via twitter or instagram initially, but always sealing the decision after going through the website), so I firmly believe that showcasing your skills and portfolio in a visually arresting and user-friendly way is a big priority. I had some reservations about tackling that task but fortunately I had help from a savvy life partner and we slapped it together via wordpress in less than a day. Twitter/whatever social media is prevalent in your target groups is definitely important to get the right eyes on your shit, yes, but those eyes will then look for a second stop where your work and rates are more clear and concise. Simplicity is key imo, I cannot overstate this. So make a cute, simple portfolio!

3. Your skills and rates will grow and change as you do. Let them. Over the years I built several lasting professional relationships from my obsession over mass effect and kept getting opportunities both from bioware and their partner companies, some small and some a bit bigger. A one-off job earlier this year opened an unexpected door to another much larger commitment, and then the work I did there brought some attention from small businesses looking for commercial commissions. These were all incredibly different projects in terms of scope and budget, and I've been tackling them all on a case-by-case basis and slowly coming into my own irt my needs, rates, and SOW thresholds. It is still a work in progress (and a LOT of literal work as well), and very much a thing I struggle with in publicly marketing, which is why I felt a tad underqualified to answer your question in the first place (obviously I did not let that stop me). But what it means for me now is that I am rapidly developing into whatever my "version" of a functioning freelance artist is, and when the conditions for that guy are met, I need to be able to confidently plant myself and operate from that space despite past precedents. Do not let anyone bully you into downpricing what you yourself perceive as legitimate products of personal growth and development. Speaking of which...

4. The shitty challenge of turning envy into inspiration, and paddling outside your comfort zones in full riot gear. it is hard, but realizing that being a miserable, self-hating artist in my early days got me nothing but more misery back was the first real step I took and what truly blew the hinges off. I was just not pleasant to be around, I would badmouth my work all the time, and it all somehow made sense in my broken mind because the validation I sought was purely external and the way I sought it was through eliciting sympathy via self-victimization (even when I made something objectively nice). It all led fucking nowhere. Except perhaps to my own narcissism that I one day managed to identify and start managing. So I started looking at things that made me seethe with envy and calmly deconstruct and figure out their inner workings instead, do studies, and find nuggets of inspiration or discover new ways to approach rendering or building up specific elements. It was an application of analytical diligence to what I wanted to be a purely emotional, esoteric workflow, but that I deep down knew wasn't. Art is a discipline and a skill, and maybe it isn't a straight line, but you gotta find some line to thread nevertheless. Being self-hating was almost an identity I had to break out of, and despite it still being like, 4-5% there? I realize its cause and effect on me, my work, and those around me, so it is with a conscious choice that I gently set it aside when I work and especially when I learn. It won't always stay quiet, but the effort is the difference. Your doors towards accepting true growth and venturing into uncharted territories, art styles, and networking will really open from there. But there's a huge caveat...

5. Toolsets, accessibility, privilege, and all the good things that enable artistic expression and profitability are not given equal to all. you might do all the mental work I mentioned to be ready to rock and roll and learn and draw your way out of anything, but digital art is a fucking money pit that asks almost too much at times. I don't got a good case study here but identifying and ensuring accessibility to the tools you need to do your best work is, like, super important. The ergonomics can improve as you make money and settle into the job, but the basics have to be made available to you. And some of that might not even be under your direct control. That can be anything from pen tablets to software subscriptions to opportunities in hiring sullied by sexism or what have you. You gotta navigate all that through careful networking and money/time management. I don't do a good job of devoting specific slices of time to work/study, and my primary clutch is iPad software which went from a good deal to a nightmare scenario over the years. So all I can say here is do what I didn't; network, invest in a PC/tablet, and pick a software you'll learn that won't burn a hole in your pocket.

6. Be nice to work with? This one is hard to articulate and has landed my own ass in hot water in my early years because of how socially inept I am, but nothing is more worthwhile than being.. like. a good person to work with. That can be anything like meeting deadlines, or sometimes missing them but eloquently articulating why, being generous in early stages, being communicable and not too wordy in your emails, having a good grasp on abstract artistic concepts and how to describe them in simple terms, having a clear, laid out framework of your working rates in commercial and non-commercial projects and sticking to those guns with grace, understanding when you need to say no and saying it well, the works. Just being nice. Sometimes that might mean going headstrong with something you believe in, or simmering down and sucking up to the big man, all relative and adaptive. Part and parcel of the service provision dance that we all have to do in order to make bank. Know your lines here, obviously, and don't like. work for nazis. or uh.. *shudders* exposure. but be nice and empathetic and communicable and word will travel eventually. Skill may be in abundance these days, but good people are most certainly not, and capitalism has a way of bubbling up scarcity. Grim, but uh, them's the breaks.

I know I'm ultimately telling you to like. Have a body of work, make a portfolio, grow, and network. But that's really how I see it for now. And being nice can be a cherry on top that sets you apart, along with the inherent irreplaceable voice of your artwork. I think I rambled on enough, but if there is something specific you need my help with, even if you want to come off anon and talk in private, please feel free.

[itsukkie]

On My Mind

Characters: Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Words: 3.1k

Genre: fluff :)

Summary: How long is it going to take for Tsukkishima to get over himself and finally confess to you? Five times Tsukki wanted to kiss you + the first time he did.

Edited?: nope

a/n: I’m new to tumblr! I’ve never written my own fic before. I mostly wrote this to cope with my own yearning... If you have any suggestions for how to improve my writing or formatting please let me know.

1) 

You never liked chemistry, but that’s why Tsukishima was there. You were fully capable of understanding the material by yourself but Tsukki didn’t have a great deal of faith in your patience.

You groaned slumping back into the kitchen chair and stared at the sheet in front of you. What were you doing wrong? Tsukishima could tell you were getting frustrated by the way your cheeks were flushed and the way your hands were tangled in your own hair as you racked your brain for the right answer. Tsukki briefly glanced at you, studying the way you furrowed your brows and pursed your lips while thinking before silently returning to his own work. Although his eyes were focused on his own work in front of him, he wondered why you hadn’t caved already and asked for his help. 

“Tsukki-,” you looked over at him.

“Do it yourself,” he replied, not even glancing up from his English homework. You let out a small huff. Why did he do that? He wanted to help you. He wanted to lean over your shoulder and feel the warmth of your back pressing against his chest and smell the honey tones of your shampoo. He wanted to see if he could make you flustered by whispering in your ear. But more than anything he wanted to see up close the look in your eyes when he told you that you were correct. So why did he do that? 

Maybe he could just walk to your side and lean over the table, using his hand to guide your face to look at his. How would you react if he leaned down and pressed his lips to your forehead, pulling you into his chest? Would your body relax under his if he whispered sweet affirmations, letting you know just how smart and amazing he thought you were?

But before Tsukki could act on any of his daydreams the front door thrashed open. You looked up to see Hinata and Kageyama panting, kneeling at your front door catching their breath. 

“I touched the door first,” Kageyama uttered in between shaky breaths. 

“I was first inside though!” Hinata yelled, getting up from the floor and walking toward the kitchen where you and Tsukki sat. “Y/N! Thank you once again for tutoring us on a weekend,” he said through a toothy smile.

Tsukishima sighed as he watched you close your chemistry textbook and greet his two annoying teammates. Pulling his headphones from around his shoulder and onto his ears, he tapped his foot to the sound of soft lofi music. But no matter how loud he set the volume, he couldn’t drown out the sound of your intoxicating voice. 

2) 

Tsukishima will deny the fact that he was eagerly awaiting your call when he heard a new art exhibition opened up in town. Of course he’d never have the guts to ask you himself, he just always counted on you to make the first move. 

That’s why both of you stood in front of a canvas encased in an elegant gold frame. Your eyes were fixed on the painting, and given the fact the tickets were 2000 yen Tsukki should’ve also been relishing in the beauty of the exhibit. But he just couldn’t take his eyes off you. The headphones that were wrapped around his head were silent, the calming voice of the tour guide on pause, preferring to hear you talk about how you read about this painting in an art history book. 

He loved the way your wide eyes sparkled, even in the dim lighting of the exhibit. When you walk forward, hoping to get a better view of the detail work, a gold ray of light, reflected off the statue standing behind you, makes its way onto your face, and Tsukishima swears you are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. With all the people crowded in the exhibit he wonders why no one has yet to stop in front of you to admire you the way he does. And when your mouth slowly curls up into a smile he basks in your magnetism. 

He’s thankful you’re wearing headphones, listening to the virtual tour guide, because he forces himself to take a deep breath to stop himself from wrapping his hand around your waist and pulling you into him. He wants to tell you just how grateful he is that you always ask him to come with you to visit new showcases, even though he rarely pays attention to the actual exhibit. He thinks to himself that this is probably the most romantic place to kiss you right now. But he holds back, turning on his heels and walking to the next painting. 

3) 

You were a smug little brat. Look at you smiling at him from across the classroom, your shoulders rolled back and your chest puffed up with confidence. Debate was Tsukki’s least favourite class activity given his natural aversion to public speaking. But in the moment Tsukishima barely realized that all eyes were on him as he stood at the podium, because how could he focus when you were right there, standing across from him, refuting his arguments one by one?

Tsukishima kept his usual cool outer appearance but he just wished he could let everyone know how proud he was whenever you delivered an especially cruel line. Look at them, that’s the one I love, and they’re smarter than any of you.  Of course it was just as fun watching you get flustered, stumbling over your own words trying to formulate your response to his remarks. 

Something about watching you argue ignited a fire under Tsukishima. You were throwing facts and evidence at him, smirking as the class banged their fists against their desks in support after every point you made. But Tsukki long forgot about his classmates, not even addressing them in his speech, he was only talking to you. 

You kept looking toward your peers, staring them in the eyes as you spoke with charisma. Look at me, Tsukki thought. He wanted you to look him in the eyes while you demolished his arguments. Watching your self-satisfied smile, he wanted to shut your mouth the one way he knew would make you stop talking. What would happen if he snuck his hand into your hair, pulled you to his chest and forced you to look up at him? Would you still have all the confidence you do now?

Tsukishima let a small smile form on his lips. You were too smart for your own good.

4) 

Tsukishima doesn’t understand why you prefer studying at a library when home is so much more comfortable. Plus, if you guys had just stayed home he wouldn’t have needed to walk in the freezing cold winter air with you to get home. But he agreed to coming with you anyway because for some reason it’s just too hard to say no to you.

At least his hands were warmed by the coffee cups he held in his hands. You were beaming about how you heard this place sells the best hot chocolate when you guys passed it. Now you were putting your wallet back in your bag as Tsukki held both of the cups for you. He remarks to himself that one day he’ll pay for both of you. When you grab your cup you shoot him a smile as you keep walking down the sidewalk. You take a large sip and yelp at the scorching temperature of the drink, your tongue now feeling numb.

“Idiot,” Tsukki utters, watching you fan your tongue. 

“Okay I probably should’ve let it cool down a bit, but it was so worth it, try it.” 

Tsukki glances down at your eager eyes and reluctantly lifts the cup to his mouth. Closing his eyes he slowly takes a small sip, careful not to burn himself and that’s when he hears your roaring laughter. When he looks down he sees what you’re giggling over. His vision was impaired, his glasses completely fogged up from the steam of his hot chocolate. Of course he couldn’t see you but he was sure you were relishing in how stupid he looked in that moment, but hearing your laugh he thought to himself that it might just be worth it. 

Still giggling you stand on your tippy toes and pull his glasses from off his face. Tsukishima is startled, although he doesn’t show it. He watches your blurry figure clean his glasses on your jacket before watching you slowly come into focus as you gently lay them atop his ears again. He realizes just how close your face is to him, he realizes how precariously you’re standing. If you were to lose balance you’d fall right into his chest, or maybe your lips might even collide with his. 

“What’re you thinking?” You ask, stepping back to look up at him. What is he thinking? He was thinking of how stunning you looked with snowflakes lightly decorating your hair and your nose and cheeks dusted red from the cold air. He was thinking about pulling you back up to where you were, holding onto your cheek and your waist and leaning down to press a soft kiss to your lips. 

“It’s mediocre at best,” he scoffs and continues walking. You feign a hurt face and quickly catch up to him. He thinks that tasting the hot chocolate from your lips would make it infinitely better.

5) 

Tsukki wanted to kill whoever was knocking on his cabin door at 1am. He was already exhausted from all the hiking, climbing, and biking he had done the day before. Tomorrow morning his year would make their way back to school and Tsukishima hated sleeping on the bus. 

He groaned as he stood up from his bed, walking past a groggy Yamaguchi who also heard the soft knocks at the door. He opened it, looking through squinted eyes, and was unsurprised when he was met with the wide awake eyes of Hinata and Yachi, and a yawning Kageyama who lazily propped himself against the cabin wall. But he was shocked to see you with them, standing in your plaid pajama bottoms and an oversized hoodie. 

“Do you wanna go stargazing?” You asked, jumping up and down to keep yourself warm

Was that even a question? He hates to admit to himself how many times he has imagined a moment like this with you. 

“It’s way past curfew, we’re gonna get in trouble.” Tsukishima heard himself reply in a raspy voice. Yamaguchi poked his head out from behind Tsukki, seeing what all the commotion was about.

“We checked the teachers’ cabin and they’re all asleep, and we’ll be quiet.” Hinata was beaming with excitement. He wanted to try playing on the beach volleyball court. 

“Is it even possible for you to be quiet?” Tsukki glared, leaving Yamaguchi lightly chuckling. 

“Please,” you pleaded, making the saddest puppy eyes you could. How could he not say yes to your wide and playful smile? Before he knew it, he had thrown on a sweater and was quietly running along the dirt path. The six of you giggled and hushed each other as you made your way to the open field.

Tsukishima felt his heart stop completely when you took his hand, making him run alongside you after you noticed him lagging behind. Your laugh was the most contagious thing he’s ever heard. 

You two laid on the grass looking up at the clear night sky. You explained astrology to him while he rolled his eyes, and he explained the physics behind star formation. You had read about constellations and the Greek mythology behind them, and as you passionately ranted to him about the fresh-water serpent Hydra while pointing to the sky, he never lifted his eyes from your face. He noticed a few of your moles and freckles that dotted your side-profile, and in his head he created his own myth behind the creation of your constellation. 

You felt his gaze on your side-profile and when you turned your head to face him, his heart dropped and his hands twitched as they longed to reach out and brush through your hair. 

“What?” You smiled at him. Tsukishima wanted to tell you that you looked beautiful and that, despite all his best efforts, he had hopelessly fallen in love with you. Just look at you. You were so beautiful in the moonlight. He wished he could stare at you all night long, he wished the sun would never come out and he could lay there by your side forever. 

“You have dirt on your face,” he coldly let out, wiping at your chin and pretending to wipe the dirt of his finger before turning away from you to look back up. You muttered an embarrassed ‘thanks’ not even noticing the way his fingertips lingered on your cheek before looking back up as well. 

You both had turned silent, and Tsukishima was angry at himself for ruining the moment. He wished he was braver and bolder, he wanted the confidence to tell you how actually felt. But before he could think about it more, Hinata came running over, pulling you up from the ground and leading you to where Yamaguchi and Yachi found a frog. 

As Hinata tugged you away, running at lightning speed, you barely had the chance to look back at Tsukishima, who had sat up, watching you talk to his teammates. He dug the heels of his hand into his eyes, sighing before looking up at the moon. 

“The moon is beautiful isn’t it?” He whispered to himself.

6)

Tsukishima wasn’t himself today. How was he supposed to be when you weren’t there? He stared out the window all day instead of teasingly kicking the back of your chair, throwing playful notes onto your desk when the teacher wasn’t looking. How was he supposed to focus on the lecture when you weren’t there to motivate him? Lunchtime was quieter than usual. He listened to Yamaguchi rant about this new anime he had started and stared silently at his shortcake. He missed the way you’d interject with your own (usually idiotic) opinions and whine on his shoulder, asking for a piece of strawberry. Sometimes you would make him feed it to you, and although he’d never admit it, he loved it when you did. The last straw was at practice where Kageyama just wouldn’t stop bugging him about his lazy decoy work. Tsukishima was supposed to be the sharp one, the one with the best game sense, so how come he kept missing spike after spike, serve after serve, block after block. 

Coach Ukai let him leave early, today obviously wasn’t his day, and Tsukishima complained that if he was in the same room with Kageyama for another minute someone was going to get hurt. It was all your fault, he thought to himself as he stopped in front of your house. You were such a fucking dumbass. You just had to get sick today.

Your mother let him in, smiling at the familiar face and let him climb the stairs to your bedroom. He softly opened the door expecting you to be sleeping but you were sitting up straight in bed, sipping on a steaming cup of tea. He loved the way your hair was tousled and how you looked at him with tired eyes. 

“You should be sleeping,” he said plainly, dropping his bag onto the floor by your desk.

“Did you miss me that much,” you remarked in a raspy voice. He wished he had bought cough drops for you. 

“I just came to drop off the work you missed.” Tsukishima turned away to rifle through his backpack, hoping that with his back turned you wouldn’t hear how shaky his breathing was. Plopping the papers on the desk, Tsukki turned back around to see you with your arms stretched out.

“Can I have a hug?” 

“No, you’re gonna get me sick.” Tsukki hated himself for saying that. Why couldn’t he just get over himself and his stupid pride. All he’s ever wanted was to lay in bed with you, tuck you into his chest, and feel your shoulders rise with every breath you took. He’s imagined the way it would tickle to feel your steady breaths against the skin of his neck more times than he’d care to admit. “Go back to sleep.” He said plainly before slinging his bag back around his shoulders and leaving you to rest. 

Just as Tsukishima was about to leave through the front door, your mother bumped into him with a bowl of soup, asking him if he’d be so kind as to bring it to your room.

When he opens your door again he laughs to himself seeing you had already fallen fast asleep, in just a matter of seconds. He gently placed the bowl on your bedside table, gently nudging you to wake up. But you were out cold; even when Tsukishima said your name your body had no response. The soup probably needed time to cool down anyway, what’s more important is that you get enough rest. 

Tsukishima took this opportunity to admire you. How your parted lips enticed him, how the skin of your cheeks flushed from your fever, the way your hair stuck to your forehead from all the beads of sweat that ran down. Tsukki decided to head to your bathroom, running a hand-towel under some cold water. He knelt down in front of you and gently dabbed the sweat off your face, careful not to wake you up. You looked so peaceful. 

Tsukishima thought about the way you lived in his mind. You were everywhere now. Looking at your parted lips he thought about how your fingers brushed up against his cheek that one time drinking hot chocolate, how he remembers that moment every time he reaches to put his glasses on in the morning; about how he could never look at the stars without hearing your faint, siren-like voice echoing in the back of his head. You had slithered your way into every aspect of his life. He thought that maybe if he indulged a bit, you would stop showing up in every single one of his dreams at night. This was his chance to do so.

He thought of himself as a coward, he could never bring himself to tell you how he felt while you were awake. This was greedy self-indulgence.

He called your name again, and when you didn’t budge he whispered a faint “I love you”, pressing a long kiss to your forehead. Standing back up, he placed the towel by your bedside before picking up his bag and leaving.

A weak smile made its way across your lips, your eyes barely fluttering open when you heard the front door close.

You whispered in a raspy voice, “I love you too.”

[tarantulas4davey]

HELLO BESTIE I am currently having Ralbert Brainrot and you're the best person go come to for this, obviously,, so PLEASE share! I would like to hear about ufc albert or youtuber race, or dancing partners!! I love them smm

HI YES HELLO USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO WRITE UFC FIGHTER AL PART 2 THANKS BABES

i just witnessed a literal crime and i’m Feeling The Rage (boxing judges at mma events can catch these hands) so here is. my brain on anger.

also the first half of this is pretty fight-talk heavy but the second half is more al/ralbert central so message me/send me an ask if i don’t explain something well enough <3

here is the ask i sent to @we-are-inevitable (thanks jac i’m in love with you mwah) and here is part 1 for this au if you haven’t read that one yet !!

also,,,,, this is fairly obvious. but trigger warning for violence/physical fighting, as well as blood. (it’s a rough gig y’all fjdhdb) oh and swearing but that’s pretty much just me LMAO

here i am, bein mad and writing ralbert. therapy time with chandler ig

OK SO

this is after his debut. duh. continuation

i think he’s probably 5 fights in with 5 wins. he’s been running people through, especially with four full camps after a short notice start, and he’s never even seen a decision in the ufc

let’s just say the hype train is moving FAST and it’s moving LOUD

everyone has to have those people that watch their fights just to see them lose, on top of the majority male fan base that have to have a little bit of toxic masculinity and homophobia in there

so there’s A LOT of people that are waiting for him and his hype train to get derailed. but there’s also a fair amount of fans, so you win some you lose some (the way i would die to see this be a real fighter pls)

now albert’s not always the most confident guy, and he’s never been cocky, but none of this shit gets to him. he’s got his coaches, he’s got his friends and he’s got race behind him. he knows he’s got the skills, and he’s got his support system, so who gives a shit what a bunch of cowards on the internet have to say?

and then they put him against someone known for his grappling and stamina. and the “it’s a wrap for dasilva!” bandwagon starts. it happens every time a rising striker and early knockout artist fights a well known grappler with any semblance of later round power (even if al has a background in wrestling and has gone 5 rounds and won outside of the ufc. it’s a bandwagon for a reason)

and it’s not Upsetting, it’s not really getting into his head in any way that’ll make him do worse, but it’s kinda pissing him off. which is bad for his opponent

the last person on earth you want to be fighting is an annoyed albert dasilva who thinks he has something to prove

he works his ass off in camp, and the press tour is a self-assured albert vs. a loudmouth who thinks he’s hot shit cause a few people on twitter think he’ll sweep

and, to be completely honest? it’s starting to look that way 2 rounds in.

it’s a 5 round fight, co-main event on a big card, and so far all al’s opponent has done is pinned him to the cage and kept him there. a few strikes worth anything - at least enough make al’s cheek bleed, no takedowns, which would at least give him some activity, and so submission attempts, so he can’t even gain any ground that way. he’s just- Stuck. and if THIS is how he loses, he’s gonna be pissed

the bell for the second round sounds, and you can actually see al’s chest heaving on camera as he walks to his corner - not because he’s tired or out of breath, but because he’s MAD, and fuck if he’s not going to do something about it

not only that, but he can not only see race and jack standing up by the cage - plus race’s expression, which is slightly annoyed and super anxious, which hurts his chest to think about - but he can hear them too

jack is yelling profanities, as per usual. he doesn’t that regardless of how the fight is going, but it’s less encouraging when you’re the one losing.

race though,,,, race isn’t really yelling, he’s more talking to himself than anything, but he’s close enough to cage and al knows him well enough to figure out what he’s saying. and if the muttered almost-prayers while he paces back and forth weren’t enough, the shiny gold engagement ring on race’s hand definitely is

round 3,,,, let’s just say it goes a little differently than the first 2 had gone.

he opens with a spinning back kick, of all fucking things, and that truly sets the pace

he’s the taller guy by a few inches, like usual, which makes his arms longer. the only reason crushing his against the cage worked is cause the guy he’s fighting cuts weight like a wrestler, so he’s easily got 20 pounds on albert come fight night

but once he finds his rhythm and starts throwing, he starts connecting too. he manages to stay out of range of his opponent and stay his comfortable distance to start t-ing off

this isn’t a one punch power ending. this isn’t a beautiful head kick, or a giant knee, or even just a clean right hook.

this is albert, who’s arms are starting to feel the 3rd round a little bit, hitting this guy with everything he has cause he refuses to lose this fight.

i mean- everyone watched him get up at the start of the round with a set jaw and a scary determined glint in his eye. he’s not a person you fuck with, and he’s definitely not a person you publicly ridicule before being locked in a cage to fight with

the guy he’s fighting is absolutely battered, but he manages to survive until round 4. the first of the championship rounds, something al’s never seen in a ufc fight before, and it feels like the arena is holding its breath

so when al comes out and does the same thing as round 3 to better results - fight ending results - everyone’s a little shocked, honestly

the commentary team’s in disbelief, cause albert is NOT a slow starter, regardless of what this fight would tell you, and the fact he managed a win at all, let alone such a phenomenal one, is fucking astounding

he gets his hand raised, obviously, but the really interesting part is the post fight interview

“albert, man, what changed between round 2 and 3? what second gear did you find?”

“bro, i just— it was pissing me off, honestly. i don’t come in here to get pinned down for 25 minutes. and, y’know, my team gave me good advice. i had all the pieces, straight from the jump, someone just had to force me to put them in place…”

and then he looks over at race, who gives al one of those half grin, half smirks and winks at him, and al just chuckles to himself and finishes answering the question

“the thing that really forced my hand is race. i won’t get cheesy on you, but watching someone who loves and supports you through everything panic cause he’s scared for you - it’s a big motivator. everyone would figure out a lot more of my motivations if they went and watched race’s expressions back instead of whatever the hell i’m doing in here. he’s always been the brains, i’m just the brawn.”

and that’s a better answer than anyone was expecting, plus he’s just had the fight of a lifetime that’s probably earned him a title shot, so he’s done soon after that and gets to have his little in-cage celebration

he hugs his team and jack, who razzes him a little bit as per usual, and makes some dumb quip about going over tapes later like he’s a coach. and then comes race

he hugs him, all tender and cute and also very sweaty cause That’s How It Works, and the camera’s focused on him, so they can tell they’re whispering back and forth. but there’s no mics on them, so what’s said is missed entirely on the audience, but it’s their usual cheesy, in love mess

“congrats, baby. i’m proud of you.”

“oh please. it was 90% you anyway. i meant what i said, it wasn’t just for the cameras.”

“i know that. i’m gonna have to get you back somehow for telling everyone to go back and watch my awful anxious expression. i’ll think of something.”

“i’m sure you will, sweetheart.”

and then al does that awful, adorable lil nose bump thing, and then kisses race. and then jack covers his eyes and whines until they stop like the actual 12 year old boy he is inside

and then they leave the octagon, race and al holding hands, and al throws his arm over jack’s shoulder and shoves his head down and pushes him, cause even though he was just in a literal cage match he’s still a roughhousing teenager at heart

and he’s got interviews and press shit that separates him from his people, and he’s gotta slide that bulletproof mask back down over all the happy and in love shit he’s feeling so he can not smile like an idiot on camera constantly

but every once in awhile he’ll catch jack giving him the finger and laugh before returning it below view of the camera

or he’ll catch race’s eye from where he’s standing behind all the studio lights and do a little wave under the camera and return the wink from earlier, and the unbothered fighter facade will crack a little bit

but he’s not completely convinced that’s such a bad thing

GOD THIS POST IS SO MUCH LONGER THEN I MEANT IT TO BE IM SORRY

but Yeah. Them.

i love this au a helleva lot more than i should but that’s Fine cause i’ve got thoughts for days on it

[collecting-stories]

Artwork - JJ Maybank

Request: Hey! I've read your entire masterlist 😶😬😂 I was wondering if you could do something with jj x reader and she's an artist. Idk I was painting and thought of it, maybe a paint fight or something

A/N: I incorporated the pandemic a little lol. 

Outer Banks Masterlist

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

Eyes closed, JJ was laying on your bed, an old quilt stretched out underneath him. It was nearing the 100s outside but inside the air was kicked up and your fan was on, blowing cool air across the bed. JJ was on his back, shirt off, muscles tensing and then relaxing again each time that your brush ran cold paint over his tan skin.  

Quaratine had eaten up most of your summer plans but you had made an entire list of ‘at home’ things that you’d seen on pinterest and tiktok to occupy your time and naturally, you’d roped JJ into most of them. He’d made stickers with you and redecorated CD’s and painted your bedroom. Today’s activity was painting. It had started on regular canvas but had somehow moved to JJ’s back being used as the canvas.  

Bright yellow sunflowers, hints of blue in the background, covered JJ’s skin from the base of his neck to just above his swim trunks. You sat straddling him, a small paint brush in your hand as you finished the last few details. JJ whined at an especially ticklish swipe too close to his side and you bit your lip as he pressed his mouth into his arm to stop from making any more noise.

“I’m almost done.” You promised, careful of the wet paint on his back as you leaned forward to kiss the part of his shoulder that was decorated.  

“Good, I get to do your back after this.” JJ replied.  

“Uh...no.” You shook your head as you grabbed your phone off the bed beside you to take a picture of your handiwork. “I hate to break it to you babe but you aren’t exactly Picasso.”

“I’m assuming that’s some art dude.” JJ said, turning his head slightly, eyes still closed. He smiled like he knew you were taking a picture and you tapped your phone, the flash flickering over him for a second.  

“It is some art dude, yes.” You laughed, climbing off of him as carefully as possible, trying not to smudge your handiwork.  

“Yeah well I could totally paint better than him.” He replied. JJ got up off the bed, stretching his arms up over his head and you bit your lip watching him flex, the muscles in his abs tensing and then relaxing. The artwork on his back was beautiful but you’d argue that nothing compared to actually looking at him. JJ was his own artwork.

“Fine.”  

“Seriously?” He grinned.  

“Seriously. I’ll let you paint on my back.” You conceded, knowing it was pointless to argue. There was no way you had the will power or discipline to say no to any of JJ’s suggestions, even if that meant your back ended up looking like a three-year old’s finger-painting experiment.

“Alright, you know the drill...strip.”

You rolled your eyes at him but pulled your shirt off over your head. Your sports bra went next, dropping it beside the bed before you laid down, getting situated. “You know how lucky you are, you can just lay down you don’t have to like readjust your boobs so they’re not squashed.”  

“You could sit up,” JJ suggested, climbing on the bed, his knees settling on either side of your hips, “then I could paint and have a nice view at the same time.”  

Even with your eyes closed you could tell that JJ was no doubt looking at the mirrored closet door that sat across from the end of your bed. “I’ll stay laying down. You’ll see enough of me when I wash this off later.”

“Wash it off? Please you’ll be begging them to do a living art piece in the MoMa.” He replied. “That’s what it’s called right? The MoMa?”  

“Yeah...it’s called the MoMa.” You smiled knowing that he had remembered. God knows that you had sent him an onslaught of photos sneakily taken inside of the MoMa when you went up to New York with your mom last summer to look at art colleges in NYC.

The first brush of paint ran across your skin and you couldn’t help tensing, the coolness of it shocking you slightly. JJ’s free hand pressed into your back, just above your ass, thumb massaging your skin gently as he continued to paint.  

Your talent in art was as good as JJ’s was bad. While you were thinking of pursuing a degree in art and had been taking private lessons since you were ten, JJ could barely manage a stick figure. That didn’t matter though, whether he could actually draw or not he could appreciate your art. He was an antsy person by nature but he’d sat almost perfectly still for hours at a time for sketches. Everytime you took part in an art show, even if they were just small, local fairs, he got excited about it.  

“What are you painting?” You asked, trying to tilt your head to catch a peek at what colors he was using. You’d done sunflowers on his back because if anyone reminded you of the flower it was JJ. It helped that they were his favorite, something he’d mentioned in passing once when you first started dating. Followed defensively by ‘guys can like flowers too’ not that you had said anything to contradict that.

“You’ll see.”  

“It better not be a dick or something!”

“It’s not a dick! I’m a serious artist here and I am offended that you would even suggest that to me.” JJ replied, sounding offended.  

You hummed skeptically. JJ dipped his brush in the blue, mixing it around on the palette board with the white. It was messier than yours usually looked but he ignored it, running the brush over your back and smiling a little at the actual picture coming together.  

He took his time, just like you had, mixing different shades of blue and adding detail, shading, all the pieces of technique that he had watched you incorporate when you painted. When he was finally finished he grabbed his phone to take a picture, the same way you had taken his picture.  

“I think it looks fucking awesome, if I do say so myself.” He mused.  

“Can I see it or are you just gonna keep sitting on me?”  

“Tempting but...I’ll move.” He climbed off of you careful of the paint.  

You climbed off the bed, holding your arms in front of you as you turned to look in the mirror. JJ had painted waves across your back with a bright sun over your shoulder. You couldn’t help smiling at his handiwork, better than you’d thought it’d look but also, being islanders there was nothing the two of you loved more than the beach. It’d been there that you’d met and there that you’d had your first date.  

“I think you’re right, I might end up putting myself on display in the MoMa.” You said, looking over at your boyfriend and smiling.  

“Not to shabby huh? I’ll be stealing your scholarship soon.” He teased.  

“Oh definitely.”

“You know what we should get?” He asked, moving your art supplies off your bed and over to your desk to be washed later.

“What?” You asked, skeptical.

“Those edible paints.” He replied, “we could do some finger painting on each other.”

“Oh god you are...” You shook your head at him, already knowing where his mind was going. “You better buy me sheets to cover my bed...I’m not washing that shit out afterward.”  

“So that’s a yes.”

“Unbelievably, yes.”

-

taglist: @maplelattes22 @poguesrforlife  @freckled-and-daydreaming  @chasefreakinstokes @millie-753 @fangirlwithme @alex12948 @katherine097 @tangledinsparkles @carbonated-beverage @mariofgreengables @damonsalvawhore27 @dopedoodes @dolanfivsosxox @belledutchess @poguelifeeee @faded-blue @parkerpetertingle @thebookwormlife @summer-clouds-and-long-days @jellyfishbeansontoast @minigranger @hoewkeye @love-someone-special @tiredfeels @strangerthanfanfiction713 @the-only-nana @tomzfrog @mozz-are-lla @vindictive-hearts @poguestyleskye @ssprayberrythings @jenahbell @beautyandthebleh @gothackedalready @teenwaywardasgardian @sarahcxmeron @haha-fuck-you-thot @stillbelieve398-5 @rewindlr @queenniccimicci @thedarkqueenofavalon @alytavzla @bqmblebee @linniep @nerdypartytrashpsychic @xxchxrryxx @spencer-reid-is-a-cutie @mirjanak @danielladreaming @obx-saltlife @youngestxhearts @spnobsessedmemes @wowitswondergurl @celestialmaybank @mybnkjj @pineappleandcherries @mysterious-adventurer @justawilddreamerchild @rhyetaylor62 @calm-rejects @balletandyuzu @oh-annaa @aiifandomsunite @x-lulu @ceruleanjj @wicked-laugh @obxwriterfan @allie-mcginn @pcterparxer @literarycharleton @crushe-s @teamnick @daydreamlilys @collectiveuniverses @activist-af @mdgrdians @buckys-sunflower @vindictive-hearts @copper-boom @talksoprettyjjx @5am-cigarette @jolomez @timotaychalabae

[yourcoffindoor]

Bulletproof Heart Pt.4

AN: YAY its finally here! Thank you so much to everyone for reading and for your patience! This is the final part of this series. enjoy <3

"Y/N?" a gentle tap on the wall outside your bunk. It was Liz. "We have an interview with Spin in like 5 minutes."

You groaned and pulled your wrinkled sheet over your face, turning away from the sound of her voice, soft and hesitant as though she were afraid the slightest noise would shatter you further.

"You guys go without me," was your muffled reply, "I've hogged the spotlight enough anyway."

" Are you sure? They'll probably be pissed the lead singer isn't there."

"Then let them be pissed."

Liz lingered in silence for a moment before deciding it was best to leave you be. It had been a couple of weeks since you'd found out about Alex's little foray into filmmaking, and a gush of old trauma had emerged new again. All the work you had put in to rebuild yourself and to forge a new life had all but crumbled away in a matter of minutes, and you isolated yourself in response.

You stopped leaving the bus because of the stares. Once rumors had gotten out that there was video footage of you doing the deed, people seemed to glance over at you before whispering insidious somethings among their companions. You didn't need to hear their conversations to know just how humiliating their words were. Things took a turn for the worse when reporters began to have the audacity to ask you about the video, probing into if you were in a relationship with Alex. It was then that you realized he had sabotaged your moment, your success, and made it all about him.

You began to miss a few shows, something you had never done before. But you just couldn't bring yourself to give a damn. Your bandmates kept their distance, realizing you needed your space; but their concern was permanently painted on their faces.

"Hey Y/N," Gavin spoke hesitantly one afternoon, "You know...Gerard's been asking about you."

The sound of his name made your heart beat quicker. You hadn't made an effort to see him since the video came out. "Oh?"

"Yeah he really wants to see you. He's worried about you...we all are."

"I'm fine." you said curtly. "I mean, tell him not to. I'm fine. I just need to be alone."

"You sure? I think some social interaction might do you some good--"

"Gavin, I want to be alone. Please."

He merely nodded before heading out the bus door, finally giving you what you asked for.

Out of respect for the fans, you managed to pick yourself for performances again, but it felt like you were merely going through the motions, your passion nearly extinguished. You became angry at yourself for feeling this way, like you were giving up on yourself and your goals. Between sadness and guilt, there was no bright side you could look to as an escape.

Then, you ran into Alex.

This was what you had really been dreading. You knew how smug he must be, knowing he must've gotten under your skin, his favorite place to be. You'd snuck out of the bus for some much needed fresh air, but you didn't need to go far before you heard your name being called.

"Y/N! wait up!" a chill shot down your spine. You didn't turn around. Instead, you began walking faster.

"Hey, hey, hold on a second--" He grasped your arm, but you pulled it back so quickly it seemed to surprise him.

"Leave me the fuck alone."

"C'mon don't be mad."

You couldn't help but laugh at the nerve of his comment. "How could I not be? I didn't even know you had filmed me. I didn't get to agree to any of this! And then you decide to make it public? And you," you said, angry tears building up to a waterfall, pushing a fist into his chest, "you are a nightmare that won't go away! Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Alex was calm-- So calm that it only angered you further. "You're thinking about this the wrong way. The publicity could be great--I mean people are already eating it up. They love us together. Honestly? I did us both a favor." He smirked, making your skin crawl. "But there's something else, Y/N. Something you should remember." He leaned forward, speaking into your ear in a low, serpentine voice, "This is what happens when you think you can go off and make something of yourself without me."

You were speechless, your stomach dropping as if it had been kicked. "You're disgusting. I'm leaving."

"Going to see your friend Gerard? Hey, ask him what he thinks of our movie for me. I'm making another one with some My Chem fans anyway." He spoke to you with your back turned, already walking away, but you could hear him smiling.

You halted in your steps, torn between slapping Alex across the face, crying, or simply walking away. After a deep breath and far more self control than you knew you possesed, you chose the latter, swiftly walking back towards your bus to isolate once more.

****

The sun was revolting.

That was the first thought when Gavin flung open the curtain that marked the border of your bunk, your own personal ecosystem that no one had dared enter for the past few weeks. He kneeled on your mattress and reached over you to open the blinds on your wall, and you winced as the sun struck your face like a laser.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N!"

"Gavin, its August."

"Well it might as well be Christmas when you hear what I have to tell you."

You groaned and rubbed your eyes. "What is it? I'm prepared to be underwhelmed."

"I didn't even need to open that window! There's that bright and sunny optimism we've come to know and love."

You hit him with a pillow. "Out with it."

"Alex got--"

"ALEX GOT KICKED OFF WARPED TOUR!" Liz shouted, bursting into your bunk from out of nowhere.

"What the hell Liz! I wanted to tell her!"

"Too slow!"she teased.

Your head was reeling. "Wait, wait, wait....what? How?"

"Don't know all the details but it definitley had to do with his...activities. Turns out he was asking underage fans to flash him and his band to get backstage and shit. Someone snitched I guess, thank god. The whole band's been kicked off and banned from Warped tour.

For the first time in forever, you laughed.

You practically cackled. You laughed so much that it felt like you couldn't stop.

"I think we broke her." Liz muttered to Gavin.

"That's fucking amazing." you said, wiping tears from your eyes.

"It is, and its good to hear you laugh again." Gavin said. "Come out with us later, to celebrate."

"I will sometime, but I'm still not quite ready. People are gonna try to ask me questions, I just know it. I'm still not up for it."

Liz and Gavin nodded. "We'll be here when you are."

***

Later that afternoon a few quick knocks sounded from the bus door. You debated getting up to answer it, but human interaction was the last thing you wanted right now. There were a few more small knocks; and you able to ignore the unwanted visitor until, after a moment of silence, something slid under the door. Once you heard their footsteps disappear into the distance, you peeled yourself from your nest on the couch to investigate.

It was a white envelope with your name scrawled across the front. You hesitated for moment, wondering if another piece of your past was about to jump out and bite you. But after steeling yourself you pressed on, your fingers swiftly retrieving the mysterious contents.

You immediately smiled. It was a card with a drawing of you on the front, in a style that was unmistakably Gerard's. You were on stage wailing into the mic, confidently waving your middle finger. You couldn't help but laugh.

Fuck em all. The world needs you out there. If you're feeling up to it, come to our set tonight.

Hope to see you there.

-G

You closed the card and reveled in the much needed buzz of happiness it gave you. Gerard. You thought he would've have been angry with you since you had all but ghosted him these past few weeks, but that clearly wasn't the case. Your legs wanted to run after him, but you as you were covered in dorito dust and sadness, you decided to stay put. You'd make yourself somewhat presentable and then see their performance tonight.

***

You stood just off stage,  just hidden enough in your oversized hoodie to feel comfortable. Right before they began their set, Gerard turned and saw you, eyes widening with a glad surprise as though he hadn't thought you'd actually come. His expression quickly melted into a welcoming smile, and you couldn't help but break out into soft grin of your own.

The band greeted the crowd, already energized and cheering them on. You'd expected them to launch into a song, but instead Gerard began speaking.

"This is a special set tonight guys, because someone very important to me is here. Someone so strong, so kickass that sometimes I wonder if she's even a real fucking human being." He glanced over at you, eyes electric and impassioned, immediately i heat rise to your shrouded cheeks. "Well some asshole tried to hurt her. Tried to make her feel small. But I want her to remember she's too fucking amazing to ever let someone make her feel that way."

You could feel the sting in your eyes as tears began to build.

"And that goes for all of you out there, cause these same assholes have been messing with fans too. So if you ever see shitty ass rock dudes in shitty ass rock bands asking you to show them your tits for backstage passes, I want you to spit right in their fucking faces and yell 'FUCK YOU!”

The crowd went crazy, and you couldn't help but let out a small cheer as well, despite the tears streaming down your face.

"Y/N," Gerard breathed, "This is for you." and with that, the band launched into one of the most passionate sets you'd ever seen. You stayed for it all, loving every moment. As soon as it was finished, Gerard thanked the crowd and made a beeline off stage, directly where you had been stationed all evening.

His eyes were dancing with happiness at the sight of you, pumping with the adrenaline of performing, sweat still dripping from his dark hair. "Hi," he said,pausing for amoment as though he was holding back from so much more, "you came!"

"After the invitation I received? How could I not?"

"So you liked it?"He beamed, his cheeks, pink from exertion, reddened further. "I wanted to do like a mini comic but I ran out of time." As he grinned, fresh crimson gleamed from a small split in his lower lip. What you thought had been makeup turned out to be a genuine injury.

"You're bleeding." you observed softly.

His brows furrowed in confusion, a finger darting to his lip. He dabbed it, smearing blood onto his chin.

"Damn, again? Don't worry, it's nothing."

You didn't hesitate to grab a tissue from your pocket, step forward and gently press it against his cut. He looked down at you with affection, causing you to look away as your heartbeat picked up its pace. Instead you analyzed his face and noticed it was patterned with small bruises.

"Doesn't look like 'nothing' to me. What happened?"

It had been just the two of you speaking intimately just off stage, but crew and media began pouring through and milling about the area. You realized just how close you were standing to Gerard, and pulled your hand back when you noticed people watching. A pew passerbys patted Gerard on the back, offering their compliments of the band's performance. He quickly thanked them, barely turning his attention from you, afraid you might run off. He grabbed your hand, leading you to a quiet area.

"I may have gotten into a fight."

"What!? You don't even leave your bus, how did you get into a fight?"

"I had to. Someone very important to me was being hurt."

You stared at him for a moment, putting the pieces together in your head. Gerard knowing about the video, Alex's sudden departure from the tour...

"Gerard, you didn't."

"I did, and I'd do it again, Y/N. Besides, you can't say he didn't have an ass-kicking coming to him."

You let out a soft laugh, but your vision began to blur as tears welled. A swirl of emotions welled inside of you, tumultuous and much more than you had anticipated feeling tonight. You were touched that Gerard was so concerned about you. Embarrassed that he had to get involved at all. Glad that he did, after all.

At the sight of your tears, he stepped closer. It was him now who tenderly wiped your face, brushing away stray tears with his thumb.

"Jesus, Y/N, I can stand a few punches to the face but I can't stand seeing you cry."

That was all you needed to hear to get oceans pouring from your eyes instead of streams. You embraced Gerard, burying your head into his shoulder. Gerard folded his arms around you in response.

"Y/N I want to tell you...I mean I hope you know...just how important you are to me and how I feel about you. You deserve to be happy."

"You're so nice to me that I almost don't know how to process it." you admitted beneath an awkard, tear-ridden laugh. "Thank you. You need to know you're important to me too. I..I just--" You planted an aggressive kiss on his cheek, unable to express your myriad of emotions in words.

"There, I think that expresses everything."

"Everything?"Gerard asked, brushing a strand oh hair behind your shoulder, "There's a few points I'd like to add."

His hand cupped the side of your face and your lips met, softly at first, a salty mixture of tears and coppery blood. The kiss quickly deepened, caught in your own world, unable to get enough of the taste of each other. That is until Gerard winced and pulled back, blood dripping from his lower lip. His cut had only deepened from your exertions.

"We'll have to postpone this until that's better." you said, handing him another tissue.

"Damn. Kinda regretting that fight now." He laughed.

"Don't regret it. Besides, its not an entirely bad look on you." you teased.

A bashful expression crossed his face as he brushed his hair back from his face.

"I hate to say it but I have a press thing to do in a few minutes with the guys. Meet me in my bus later?" He said, offering another peck on your cheek.

"I'd be crazy not to." you replied, ambushing him with one final hug before he walked off.

You realized something immediately. Despite everything, the heartache, the surprises--you regretted nothing. And as you lifted your fingers to your lips, still buzzing from impact, you knew this had been a tour that changed your life, after all.

Tomorrow, you'd be back onstage, ready to begin again.

Taglist: @pacifymebby​

[wulfies-kpop-fanfics]

One Photo → Mark Lee [9] [END]

↳  Pairing: Mark Lee/Reader

↳  AU: Soulmate!AU - The first touch of two soulmates permanently scars their bodies.

↳  Warning: angst if you squint

↳  Word count: 2,857

↳  Chapters: Prelude | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | You Are Here!

⁙ Summary: For an end of the year photography project, you’re tasked with taking a photograph for your favourite group, NCT127, and coincidentally, discover your soulmate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TUESDAY - 9

Day by day, things got steadily worse. Your body was constantly giving out, you had trouble breathing, and whenever you ate something, you always managed to throw it back up. The weight loss and iron deficiency you had developed after the last periods you’ve had led to four clinic visits and one hospital scare. You tried to play it off to your boss, but enough was enough and you knew you were going to be let go.

It took a lot of thinking, but you had finally decided to do what you had to. So, there you stood, taping the last box closed. You had sold your final possession besides your bed and your oldest camera, handing the sealed box to the buyer who had been standing in your kitchen. “Thank you,” he said, smiling gently at you. “This is gonna make my daughter really happy. I…” he cleared his throat awkwardly; “I hope that you get better soon.” 

You nodded, holding your breath for a moment to avoid coughing in his direction. “Of course. I hope she uses that camera well, it helped me a lot when I started college.” 

After he left, you looked over the bare-boned atmosphere of your apartment. Your coffee table was gone, your bookshelf, your easel. Your little television, table and chair, and nearly all of your glassware and cutlery had been sold as well. Walking into your room, the only things that were left were your tote of movies with all of Mark’s cards and letters tucked inside, and a backpack with a second outfit, toiletries and your camera stuffed in it. Even your bed was stripped just to the bottom sheet, the summer hot enough and your fever high enough that you didn’t need blankets anyway. Today was finally the day you had finally procured enough money for a plane ticket, a one-way trip that hopefully would relieve the pain in your heart and the crushing pressure in your head. 

While you lay in your bed, waiting for the night to pass, your phone, one of the last things you had to keep with you, buzzed. Rhiannon: How are you doing

You: I can never tell anymore

Rhiannon: Johnny, Hyuckie and I are going to meet you at the airport tomorrow. Mark’s getting pretty bad

Worry filled your chest, and you frowned at your screen.

You: Is he going to be okay? Rhiannon: we don’t know. He’s completely bedridden, I just hope that you don’t end up that way before your flight. I’m worried that they might not even let you on. 

You: I have to try

Rhiannon: I know…  

Rhiannon: I’ll see you soon, okay? I miss you

You: I miss you too. 

At this point, getting onto your flight was the least of your worries. After putting down your phone, you mad managed to get about ten minutes of rest before you had to run to your bathroom to throw up the measly dinner you had put together with the small food budget you had set for yourself. Once you were sure your stomach had settled, you went back into your backpack and pulled out your toothbrush, returning to the bathroom to clean out your mouth.

Looking into the mirror above your sink, you noticed how bad you had really gotten. Your cheeks were hollow, your skin pale and underneath your sunken eyes were the works dark circles you’ve ever had. You brushed as slowly as you could, hoping that you wouldn’t start to feel nauseous again. After spitting and rinsing out the sink, you decided that maybe it would be better to just get up and go to the airport now. 

You left your house key for the landlord on your kitchen counter with a note about where the spare was, stepping outside and locking the house with the spare, hiding it under your doormat before heading toward the elevator and beginning your journey. 

Occasionally you’d lose your footing, your balance off and your legs weak. You would grab onto the wall to steady yourself, hoping that you wouldn’t pass out. About an hour of subway and streetcar riding, you finally made it to the airport. It was chilling to see so many eyes on you. You knew that coming in this condition would get you multiple looks and passing disgusted faces, but you felt like you were passed feeling embarrassed. The teller looked at you sympathetically when you asked for the Delta non-stop flight to Incheon.

“Soulmate?” She asked, tilting her head curiously when you slid her your ID and your debit card, all of the money you had from selling your things on it. Just enough to pay for your ticket. 

“Yeah. Almost two years since I’ve seen him.” “My God,” she gasped, typing away on her keyboard. “It’s good you’re going now, I could never survive being away from my soulmate for that long. I was away from mine for a month when he was on a business trip and I was hospitalized!” 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you rasp, watching her smile sadly in your direction. “I hope things go well for you. Have a safe flight to South Korea.” She slid your ticket, debit card, ID and itinerary over her desk, watching you slowly reach out to grab it. “Get lots of rest when you land.” “Thank you, I’ll try.” Feeling a little more pleasant after being wished well, you continued on your way. Through customs, the security check and the passport check, you did your best to keep back any coughing and the creeping feeling of nausea that was beginning to overwhelm you. Finally, you arrived in the boarding area, taking a seat with your bag on the floor, in between your knees. It was still a while before your plane would even arrive, so you plugged in your phone and decided to watch a movie. 

Night crept over the lounge, the windows displaying a slowly setting sun. After your movie ended you kept yourself occupied by watching the planes come and go until the tarmac was lit up with guiding lights that looked like stars. 

‘Flight from Toronto to Incheon nonstop now boarding.’

Finally.

You stumbled along and waited in your line, looking at your seat number. It was near the back of the plane, which would be loud, but at least it was close to the bathroom. The boarding attendant gave you a look with squinted eyes, but he still scanned your ticket, looked at your passport and let you go through.

Down the hallway, your legs gave out and your body clattered to the floor. “Hey, are you alright!?” Someone behind you came running up, gently taking your arm and helping you off the floor. “Jeez, you just toppled over!” She observed you, holding you steady. “You’re nothing but skin and bones…” “Sorry,” you apologize, hoping that you’d stay upright when she let your arm go. “I haven’t been doing the best lately.” “That’s okay,” she assured you. “Don’t you worry one bit.” Cautiously, she began walking with you, holding out her hands as if she was expecting you to fall again. “Why are you here and not at home, resting?” 

“I, well... this is soulmate sickness,” you explain cautiously. “My soulmate is doing worse than I am, and I decided to sell everything I own to buy a one-way ticket. I’m going to see him.” 

“Man,” she breathed, “I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

You let out a small, hollow laugh. “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.” “What seat are you?” “39-A.” 

“Oh,” she smiled at you, just as the plane entrance was coming into view. “I’m 39-B! I’ll help you put your backpack up, okay?”

“Thank you,” 

She smiled at you. “My pleasure.”

The hostess greeted you both when your new friend helped you board, watching with stunned eyes as you passed her. You both made your way to the back of the plane. You slipped off your backpack and she put both hers and your carry on into the compartment above you. “Do you want the window seat, or will that make you nauseous?” She asked, tilting her head to the side with an empathetic smile. “Would you be okay with switching? I’m supposed to have the window, but..” 

“Yeah, I’m totally fine with it! Here, sit down with me.” Once you both were seated, she held your hand. “So, what’s your name?” 

“It’s (Y/N),” you answer slowly, giving her a smile when you feel her hand take yours. It had been so long since someone had given you any physical affection. “I’m Nia,” she grinned. “It’s nice to meet you!” 

“Nice to meet you, too.”

After the plane took off, Nia did everything she could for you. She made sure you had a blanket, water, and she even had wipes in her purse that she kept on your forehead to make sure your fever stayed down. Nia talked with you about her boyfriend, showing you part of her scar that was on the back of her neck. She told the story about the last time she was in Korea, lost and out of her depth. Wonseo, her soulmate, had bumped into her, not paying enough attention to avoid her when she stopped to try and read a street sign. She, in turn, had a scar on her back and on her scalp, while his, funnily enough, was on the top part of his chest and his nose.

When you told her about meeting Mark and your own scar, her happy grin only seemed to grow wider. “I’m a fan,” she admitted, “and I’m guessing you haven’t been keeping up with media because before he stopped his activities, he started wearing that Star Wars sweater everywhere. Everyone knew it was from you since the first time he ever had it with him was in Pearson two years ago. I knew I recognized you, but dang, girl. You look terrible compared to then.” 

You smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, I tend to stay away from it all now, it just stresses me out.” She nodded understandingly. “Have you thought about the Gold Ceremony? Wonseo and I are actually in the process of planning ours, and I’m on my way home from meeting a bridesmaid that still lives in Canada.” 

“I haven’t really thought about that yet,” you answer honestly. “It’s all so nerve-wracking, don’t you think?” 

Nia shrugged. “I suppose your situation is a little different from everyone else’s, so I understand the aversion. I love the romance of it all, you know? Gold coating your scars so that everyone can see it as a sign of your commitment? Ah, it’s so exciting!”

“Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to ask him,” you say quietly, smiling at Nia. 

“Only if you’re comfortable, girl. Having your entire chest exposed to everyone around you may be a little weird even if you are getting married, y’know?” 

You chuckle. “Yeah, that’s true.” 

You kept little conversations going, occasionally stopping to take small naps. The two of you also exchanged numbers, and you felt happy that you had made a new friend. Eventually, daylight began to peek through the windows of the plane, signalling the time change and that you would soon arrive in Korea. 

Truthfully, no matter what Nia did for you, you only felt worse. You smiled and held back your nausea, but you could feel that as every moment passed, you declined further and further into your sickness. When the flight landed, you were happy that the sense of vertigo was gone, but you weren’t sure how long you would last without passing out. “Want me to help you through customs?” Nia asked once the seatbelt sign was turned off. She helped you stand, taking down your backpack for you and securing it on your shoulders. “I don’t want to be a burden on you,” you said quickly, grasping the seats as you made your way up to exit the plane.

“You’re far from that,” Nia reassured. “I won’t be able to stay with you the whole time, I just want to make sure that you make it to the people waiting for you okay. You said three of your friends were coming to meet you?” “Yeah,” you nod, thanking the hostess quietly as you pass her. “Thank you, Nia.” “Anything for a friend.” Slowly but surely, Nia helped you through the check-in and declaration stations, leading you through each step. Once you both got your passports checked, she turned and smiled at you. “I have to go get my suitcase now. Be safe and keep in touch, okay?” Nia hugged you ever so gently, before waving and taking her lead in the opposite direction you were to go, making her way to grab her suitcase off the conveyer. 

“See you,” you called behind her, steeling your nerve. You could make it. While you could barely read the directions with your now blurring vision, you managed to make it to the meeting area. Just barely in your line of sight were Rhiannon, Donghyuck and Johnny, holding up a rainbow sign with your name on it. You felt your chest flare-up, and if it was due to your sickness or your happiness you couldn’t tell, but you still began making your way toward them, smiling and waving.

That was until your body finally gave in. ~ “(Y/N)!” Rhiannon immediately dropped the sign and made a beeline for you as you toppled to the ground, Johnny and Donghyuck not far behind. She grit her teeth, doing her best to turn you over and hold you.

Donghyuck reached into his pocket to pull out his phone, ready to call an emergency number if Rhiannon couldn’t determine that you were breathing. He sighed with relief, luckily the airport was mostly empty and nobody would crowd you. “Is she okay?” Johnny knelt down beside her, looking on with worry. Rhiannon quickly checked your pulse and held her hand above your mouth. “Seems like she just passed out, she’s still breathing.” She breathed a sigh of relief, placing a hand over her chest. 

Johnny breathed a sigh of relief. “We should get her home, then. I’ll carry her, you grab her backpack.” 

Rhiannon nodded and slowly took your backpack off while Johnny picked you up. “Let’s go.” 

~

Everyone was waiting in the living room for Johnny and Rhiannon to return with you, after hearing them explain what happened when Taeyong called to check-in. They knew they couldn’t tell Mark about what happened since his condition was not much better. He was in his room, nearly unaware of everyone sitting and waiting with bated breath. Yuta and Jungwoo stood up quickly when the door handle turned and opened, revealing Rhiannon and Donghuck. Johnny followed in close behind, you in his arms, barely conscious.

“Hi, everyone,” you rasped, smiling as best you could, with lidded eyes. 

“(Y/N),” Doyoung stood. “We’ve all missed you.” 

“Yeah,” Jungwoo agreed. “We’re glad you’re home.” 

“Thank you,” your words were soft, laboured. “Where’s Mark?” You looked up at Johnny tiredly. Johnny smiled gently, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll take you to him. Let’s go.” 

You did your best to stay awake, suddenly beginning to feel a little better. Soon you both came across a door, the door slightly ajar. Johnny pushed it open gently with his foot.

“Guess who’s here?” He called into the room, and as soon as you lay eyes on Mark, you felt both simultaneously happy and guilty. Mark was skin and bones like you were, hollow cheeks and dark circles under his eyes. He was shivering as he struggled to sit up, large and thick blankets slowly shifting as he moved. “(Y/N),” he said, his lips forming the most endearing smile. “(Y/N), you’re here,” 

“Yeah, I’m here.” Johnny carried you to Mark’s bed, gently placing you down next to him in the spot where he had just barely pulled back the blankets. You had your head laying on Mark’s chest as soon as Johnny put you down, Mark’s arm immediately wrapping around you. You both breathed in a deep sigh of relief, and you felt your nose beginning to clear up. “You could probably use some water. I’ll be back.” Johnny quietly left the room, and as soon as the door shut, you couldn’t think of anything to say. 

You felt life coming back to you, but the long flight and the months of hardship still weighed heavy on you. You knew that this was your condition because you were struggling, and you had just sacrificed everything to be here. Now, on top of being sick, you were dirt poor. But, at least you were with your soulmate, and at least you were with all of your friends. At least you finally felt like you weren’t dying. “You can sleep,” you hear Mark whisper as he moved his other arm to touch your face. “I can tell you’re tired.” 

You smiled weakly. “Okay, as long as you sleep too.” Mark laughed softly. “Agreed.”

Not long after, the door creaked open once again. Johnny had come back with a glass of water, followed by Rhiannon. Johnny placed the glass of water on the nightstand next to your bed, while Rhiannon watched you and Mark sleep for a moment, holding the small framed photo in her hands, the one that started it all. She placed it next to the glass of water, adjusting it so you would see it when you woke up.

“Sleep well.”

[yikesharringrove]

Toy Box

Part 5

Read on ao3

(No smut, but there’s a lot of sex talk)

-

“No, I’m telling you, it was, like, really sweet.”

“Yeah. That’s exactly the word I was looking for. Sweet.”

Steve was back on Robin’s couch.

“No, but I mean, like, with making sure I get something to eat, and like, staying in his room so I don’t have to see him, because he doesn’t want me to be uncomfortable. And then he tried to like, equal the score.”

Robin was just staring at him, her head cradled in one hand, her elbow propped on the back of the couch.

“You got it bad.” Steve scrunched up his face, pouting at her.

“I do not.”

“You’re so into him.”

“I mean, I think he’s hot, and obviously he’s like nice, but I’m not into him.” She rolled her eyes.

-

Billy was sitting back on their couch when Steve got home, his laptop open on the coffee table. He smiled at Steve.

Steve was slightly better around him since the night before.

He still couldn’t look him in the eye, but he could be in the same room as Billy without wanting to put his head in the doorway and slam it closed.

Which was progress.

“Hey, I was gonna text you. It cool if I smoke in here?” Steve toed off his shoes.

“Smoke like, pot?”

“Devil’s lettuce. Yeah.” He was grinning when Steve turned around.

“Knock yourself out. Just open a window or something.”

“You want some?” Billy had pulled out a cigarette case, a couple joints nestled securely inside.  Steve shifted his weight from foot to foot

This was a peace offering.

Getting stoned together and maybe talking shit out.

Plus, Steve wouldn’t mind gettin’ a little high.

“You know what, sure.” He flopped down on the opposite side of the couch.

Billy lit the joint, taking two long hits before passing it to Steve.

Steve settled into the couch, taking a steady hit.

They were quiet as they smoked down the joint, let the high settle in.

“Sorry about making you uncomfortable. Not really how I pictured my living situation.”

“Sorry for being the weirdest person ever.” Billy shifted on the couch, stretched one leg between them to gently kick Steve’s leg.

“You’re not weird. I mean, it’s a weird situation.” Steve coughed out a laugh, smoke pouring out of his mouth. “I know a lot about your personal sex life now.”

“Yeah. No one has seen me like you’ve seen me that isn’t actively fucking me.”

Billy laughed softly.

“Can I ask? Like, why such an extensive collection.” Steve shrugged.

“Toys are fun.”

“You’ve got a good amount.” Steve shrugged.

“I had this girlfriend in high school, and she didn’t really like having, like, penetrative sex, you know? She said it hurt a lot for her. So we’d do all kinds of other stuff, and one day she was like, what you think about anal? And I was like, I’m down to try and she kinda got quiet as was like, and what about you being the one receiving? And explained that she wanted to try pegging and I was like, honestly, I’m down for whatever. So, first time we do it, she got two fingers in me and I was like, fuck, this is it. Since then, I’ve just been all about it.”

Billy looked like he was trying not to laugh.

“Sorry. I kinda overshare when I’m high.”

“No! No, it’s totally cool.”

“I feel like you just know a lot about my asshole now.”

“You wanna hear about my dick? Even the score?” Steve looked at him.

Billy was grinning lazily, his eyes hooded. Steve felt himself smile slowly.

“Cut or uncut?” Billy took the joint from Steve.

“Uncut.” Steve raised one eyebrow.

“How long?”

“Hard, or soft?”

“Of course you know both.”

“That’s ‘cause the needy little bottoms on Grindr are always askin’.”

“On behalf of my people, hey. And hard. Hard is the only time dick size actually matters.”

“Just over seven inches.” Steve nodded slowly.

“Congratulations.” Billy barked out a laugh. “That’s an award winning hog right there.”

“Yours ain’t too bad yourself.” Steve flushed.

“For one, glorious, second, I had forgotten you walked in on me.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble.”

“It’s okay.” Steve took another hit, the joint beginning to burn down to the filter. “I think the worst part was the position. If I had just like, been one my back or something. But no. I had to be fuckin’ upside down.”

“I’ve fucked someone in that position before. I think it’s a fan favorite.”

“You get really deep, and like, you can see it, which is hot. And then you end up cumming on your own face, which is like, all kinds of dirty.”

“So, you’re like, a sub then, too.”

“Mostly. I was fucking around with this one guy, and he liked it when I dommed him, so I would like, tie him to the bed and ride him and stuff. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love submitting, but that was pretty fun, too.”

“When you said you like it all, you really like it all.” Steve shrugged.

“If it feels good and everyone’s comfortable, what’s not to like?” Billy offered him the last hit, and Steve took it, putting out the smoldering roach in the ash tray Billy had no doubt set out. “Although I’m at the point where I can’t really cum unless there’s something up my ass. So like, on the off chance I do top, I gotta wear a plug or something.”

“Really?” Billy was appraising him. Steve just nodded.

Billy just smiled.

“Not to like, make this weird, but you do realize you just made eye contact with me, right?” Steve felt his face go hot.

“Don’t get used to it. Once I wake up tomorrow, I’m gonna regret telling you all of this, and go right back to begging for death every time I come within ten feet of you.”

“Oh, come on,” Billy groaned dramatically. “Quit bein’ so embarrassed! A sex toy collection is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“It is when it’s fuckin’ huge. And most of the toys are massive. And you’ve got five, five different monster cocks.”

“Five? Really? I only saw the two.”

“So I’ve got the tentacle one that you saw, and the big curvy red one that was on the floor that first day, I’ve also got a pointy kinda dragony one, a werewolf one with a bit knot at the bottom, and the demogorgon one, which is the biggest toy I have. I don’t use it a lot. Takes a while to work up to.”

“Yeah. I could, uh, see why.” Billy was grinning at him. “That’s quite a collection.”

“Hey, they’re the best ones I own. It’s not really about the whole, monster thing, for me, I mean, it can be, with the right fantasy, I guess. But, it’s more just the crazy shape and textures and stuff. You don’t get that in a lot of other companies. It just feels good.”

“Hey, you don’t gotta explain shit to me.”

“Yeah, but I’m absolutely zooted so I’m gonna over explain and overshare my little heart out.”

“You wanna watch a movie? I was gonna watch Legally Blonde.” Steve gave Billy a look. “What? It’s a good fuckin’ movie.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m down for that.”

Steve went off to his room, re-emerging a few minutes later with the comforter off his bed, his jeans swapped out for a pair of shorts.

He flushed when he noticed Billy watching his thighs.

[anythingandeverything1d]

Concussed

Harry was on stage, about halfway done with his concert for the night. You were in the bus, lounging and waiting for him to finish and come cuddle with you. You hadn’t felt great all day, and resorted to skipping the second half of the performance to lay down and rest. You weren't doing much, just watching tik toks on your phone but your phone was nearly dead. You rolled over, reaching for the charging chord and fell, tumbling out of the top bunk. It wasn’t a large fall, and normally it would've probably been okay, however you somehow managed to smack you head on the ladder on the way down and when you hit the floor, your vision was fuzzy and your head felt as if it were spinning in circles. You attempted to sit up, but doing so nearly made you puke. Tears clouded your vision and you tried to sit up. Instantly you felt insanely dizzy, almost enough that you were going to pass out. Using the last 5% battery life in your phone, you texted Harry for help. Then you closed your eyes and waited for the concert to end.

It seemed like hours, but when you checked the time, it had only been around 30 minutes. Harry was still dressed in his Gucci suit. He was kneeling by your side shaking you awake, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. “Babe....wake up...”  You blinked a few times and groaned. Harry sighed in relief and touched his head to yours. You whined in pain and he pulled away concerned. “Can you sit up?” he asked worriedly. 

You nodded and attempted to move. “Yeah....I think so.” you pulled yourself up and immediately felt ill. You gripped Harry’s arm for support and he shook his head.

“Stay down...I’m going to call paramedics.” He walked away and you whined, not wanting to be alone anymore. A few minutes later he returned with some water. “Want to try and take a sip?” he asked softly. You nodded and he brought the bottle to your lips. You took a few sips but still felt nauseous and didn’t want to risk anything coming out so pushed it away. Harry sighed and pulled your body into his lap. “What happened?”

“I was reaching for my phone cord and rolled out of bed.”

“Where did you hit your head?” Anxious green eyes were examining your head the best they could without moving you in any way.

“On the ladder.” you started crying. You didn't know why. You weren't really in pain, you felt dizzy and nauseous, and had a killer headache, but that was about it. Harry was wiping your tears and trying to comfort you when the paramedics came in. They moved Harry out of the way and went to work. Asking questions about the fall, having your eyes follow their fingers side to side, and asking you to answer all kinds of questions. They assisted you in standing and helped you out to the ambulance waiting in the parking lot. Harry followed, his hand gripping yours as the ambulance drove away, leaving the arena behind.

“How do you feel?” Harry asked, pressing a kiss to your hand.

“A little better, my head just really hurts.” He wiped a tear from your cheek and nodded. “How was the end of the show?”

Harry sighed. “I left early...when I got your text I knew that you were more important.”

“Harry!” you looked up at him and shook your head. “You shouldn’t have done that, clearly I’m fine...”

“Says the girl in the back of an ambulance.” Harry laughed softly and shook his head. “I knew where I needed to be, and the fans understood after I explained it..”

“Still...”

“Babe, youre the most important thing in my life...I’m not going to complain about not singing a song or two when you were nearly unconscious on the floor. Youre not something I would ever put performing ahead of.”

You were about to respond, but the motion of the ambulance had made you more nauseous than before. You rolled to the side and threw up. Harry grabbed your hair and rubbed circles in your back comforting you. Luckily the ambulance made it to the hospital and they wheeled you out and into a room. “Hello (y/n). My name is Dr. James, it seems you've had a mild head injury tonight. We want to double check and make sure everything is clear since you were nearly unconscious...it’s part of our concussion protocol. So we want to go ahead and do a quick MRI, just to make sure theres no concerns in the brain. After that, we will go over where to go. It does seem based on your symptoms that this is a concussion, we are hoping its a mild one, but will know a little more later. Right now, we’d like you to go ahead and change into this gown so that we can get everything set up for the scan“

“Okay..” you nodded anxiously. Harry nodded at the doctor as he walked out and gave you a small smile.

“I’ll be here waiting okay?” You nodded, wiping a tear from your eye. Harry pressed a gentle kiss to your lips and smiled. “Youre gonna be okay babe..”

“I know...” you were feeling nervous and scared about the MRI. It seemed like a big deal for just falling off the bunk. “I-I just...”

“It’s okay to be scared.” Harry helped you out of bed and handed you the gown to change into. “They just want to make sure everything is okay...you have nothing to worry about. Okay?” You nodded and walked to the bathroom quickly changing. When you walked out, Harry was talking to the doctor. He looked up and smiled. “Wow..” You looked at him confused but he just grinned, grabbed your hand and spun you in a circle. “Who knew you could make a hospital gown look good?”

You laughed and then looked over at the doctor and stopped. “Ready?” he asked giving you an encouraging smile. You climbed into the bed with a sigh and he nodded. Harry gave you a quick kiss for good luck and you were rolled out of sight. 

The MRI machine was narrow, enclosed, and loud. All of which you hated. “Is there any music you’d like to listen to while we get the scans?” A nurse asked setting you up. 

“Do you have any One Direction or Harry Styles?” you asked while nervously picking at your nails.

“We sure do.” she grinned. “So you we are going to take a few scans, but it’s very important that you stay very still. If you start to get nervous, let me know and we can pull you out and restart. It shouldn’t take more than 30 minutes. Can I get you a warm blanket before we start?”  You nodded and smiled, anything to delay this... She returned and asked you to lay down. She set the blanket on your lap and pushed the table into the machine. She then stepped out of sight. “Okay (y/n)...we are just going to start, your music will start playing in a minute as well, if you need anything just let us know. I’m right here.”

“Okay.” you answered laying on your back and looking up at the white machine. You closed your eyes and listened to Harry sing Watermelon Sugar. The clicks from the scan set you on edge and you wanted nothing more than to get out. Thankfully, after 20 minutes or so you were good to go. The nurse wheeled you back out and into the room where Harry was waiting. He walked over and gave you a tight hug after she had left. 

“How was it?”

“Terrible.” You answered with a frown. “But I did get to listen to you sing the whole time.”

“Then it couldn't have been too terrible...”

“I guess not.” You were feeling a little better, just exhausted. You yawned and snuggled into Harry as the doctor walked in.

“Good news.” He stood at the end of you bed with a smile. “Everything in the scan came back clear. You do have a concussion, most likely mild. Stay of electronics, and let your brain rest. No strenuous activity, and try not to fall out of bed anymore. Take over the counter pain medication for headaches. Don’t worry about sleeping, it will actually help give your brain time to heal. We do want to see you back here in a few weeks just to see how everything is going and reevaluate from there. Other than that, you are officially good to go unless you have other questions.”

You smiled and shook your head. “No, thank you though.”

Harry stood up and shook his hand. “I’ll make sure she rests.”

Dr. James laughed and nodded. “I’m sure you will Mr. Styles. Take care you two.”

Harry turned to you and grinned. “Ready to go back to the bus?”

You jumped up and nodded. “Just let me change into my clothes again.”

Harry scooted closer and kissed your lips. “You sure? I feel like this could be fun...” 

You laughed and pushed him back, “you heard what the doctor said H, no strenuous activity...”

“I can make it easy and quick...” He gently bit your ear and grinned. 

“Just take me home Haz...” you mumbled walking into his arms and hugging him tightly.

He smiled and kissed your head. “Get dressed then, I’m sure if there are paps out there they would have a field day with this look.”

“You mean you in your Gucci suit and me in my hospital gown isn't the look they are going for?”

“Oh, I’m sure you would make covers everywhere.” He laughed. 

---

Another request I’ve had for a while so here's a short blurb on another concussion piece!

xoxo

[furubabes]

Okay. Somebody Asked. @shoujobell and @cryptidaicat, y’all encouraged this. I’m gonna tag this #long post if you wanna filter.

So here. I got the urge to write and so I ranked the Fruits Basket couples from my favorite to least favorite. These aren’t my complete thoughts because I could honestly do multiple full meta posts on each pairing, but I tried to justify and explain all my choices. Standard disclaimer, this is subjective and we can agree to disagree.

Part 1: Just the reasonably popular ones

1. Kyoru: Someone’s gonna call me unoriginal for this but it’s fine. Kyoru is the main romance of Fruits Basket! They bring out the best in each other and build each other up as characters. Kyoru is basically my gold standard take on Sunshine Girl x Grouchy Dude, and I’m not even usually into that trope otherwise. Their romance is one of the few that feels so genuinely necessary to the story. They love each other and like each other. Kyo understands Tohru in a way no one else in the narrative does, and vice versa. They’re in love like soulmates and also like awkward teenagers. Kyoru invented romance. If it’s boring to like healthy romances with realistic development, I’ll be boring.

2. Tohrin: If Tohru didn’t end up with Kyo I would only want her to be with Rin. I guess they have some of the same appeal as Kyoru for me - Rin reads Tohru in a way a lot of people don’t. I also like how honest and raw they are with each other. They yell! They fight! Rin is down to just straight up knock Tohru over to keep her from rushing off. Also, they’re both absolute fashion icons. Goth x Prep rights. I firmly believe Tohru Honda is bisexual.

3. Yukeru: This is my favorite Yuki pairing. I followed @yunsoh way back when the reboot first started and her blog has got me absolutely hooked on Yukeru. I think Yuki’s arc would have just made a ridiculous amount of sense if he was gay. It screams comphet. Kakeru is an excellent complement to Yuki, and their bond feels incredibly natural. Honestly I feel like it’s the most organic romantic development outside of Kyoru. I think realistically they wouldn’t have gotten together until post-canon and frankly Yuki shines in his friendships much more than romances, so I’m not absolutely dying for them to be together, but if Yuki’s going to date anyone Kakeru is my pick.

4. Arisaki: Man... I just like them. They strike me as less of an epic love and more of a comfortable partnership. I also read them both as lesbians anyway lol. Honestly I think they both had feelings for Tohru at one point and bonded over it. The way I picture them happening is honestly just Arisa at 25 frantically googling “is it gay to hold hands with my girl roommate who I spend all my time with and also we never date men“ because Saki bought them rings that look like wedding bands but they could just be super close friendship rings and oh god she’s in too deep. They’re dating for four years before they notice.

5. AyaMine: But Jessie! You literally never post about this pairing! Yeah, you’re right. I never think about them actively. But when ranking the canon ships I realized that I like the two of them together because they’re chill and understated. They’re huge loud personalities on their own but as a couple, they just feel like two people who are happy together and like spending time with one another. No drama, no mess, very understated. No plot contrivances driving their relationship. Good for them.

6. YukiKyo: Okay, so I can be convinced to put on my YukiKyo goggles more often than not. It feels iffy because there’s debate about how closely related all the Sohmas are and these two are called “cousins” a lot in school, but since half of the Sohmas are dating each other anyway, I err on the side of them being more of a clan than a proper blood family. Anyway, YukiKyo is my designated angst fuel. I think it would realistically be pretty one-sided from Yuki’s side, since we see him wanting Kyo’s approval from a very young age, but I like exploring the what-ifs of their lives if they’d been friends instead of rivals. In canon, I like to think that after high school they’re not best friends in the traditional sense, but either one could show up with a dead body and the other would help them bury it, no questions asked.

7. Yuchi: Really? Yuki’s wife is my third favorite pairing for him? Look, I adore Machi, and I still like Yuchi. But as I’ve been watching the reboot and reading others’ metas, I think I agree that their relationship could have been very powerful as a platonic one, sort of running parallel to Yuki and Tohru. I like them together but I think there wasn’t quite time for a complete character arc for Machi and her growth sort of begins and ends with Yuki. I don’t object to them being a couple in canon and I think they’re genuinely very sweet, but once again, I think Yuki stands out in his friendships more than anything. I would have liked to see Machi strike out on her own a little more.

8. Haru x Yuki: I don’t have any particular feelings towards them but I love their dynamic already and I think as a couple they’d both be really easygoing and comfortable with each other. I think a childhood crush turned close friendship is honestly the narrative that works best for them so I have no need for the two to date canonically, but every time they interact in the anime it gets a laugh out of me. They’re cool. They’d make a very pretty pair.

9. Mayutori: I’m Mayutori-neutral. I think they suffer from Fruits Basket’s pair the spare syndrome, but out of the side pairings that don’t have too much impact, they’re one I enjoy. Mayu’s fun as a character, and painfully relatable, and I like that Hatori’s eventual romance isn’t with someone who reminds him of Kana or something like that. I also want good things for Hatori. Mayutori has serious heterosexual energy though. I’m not saying this as a pro or con, they’re just very straight.

10. Hatsuzu: Okay, Haru and Rin aren’t this far down because I hate them. I’m perfectly fine with them being together in canon. But I think their romance almost... functions better as individual motivation for their character arcs than it does as an actual relationship, if that makes sense? Rin’s backstory episode is heartbreaking and her motivation to protect Haru is compelling and sympathetic, but their actual scenes together just don’t move me that much. Their romance is the least interesting part of either character for me.

11. Hiro x Kisa: Yeah I never got into it that much. It’s cute, it’s a sweet depiction of childhood crushes, but I’m not a fan of the idea of them ending up together. Kisa’s a cutie and Hiro is entertaining but the two of them together don’t actually do much for me. The dynamic between them is almost like if someone did Kyoru with none of the nuance. Ultimately though, they’re kids. I don’t expect them to have a deep and complex romance.

12. Yukiru: I think it would be a disservice to their characters if they were a couple. People far more eloquent than me have already written plenty of meta on why Yuki and Tohru aren’t what the other needs romantically, so I won’t get into it, but basically I just think their canon friendship is so beautiful and meaningful that I wouldn’t want to change it. Yuki and Tohru support my thesis that not all soulmates are romantic.

13. Tohru x Momiji: Welcome to the subjective dislike corner! This pairing is reasonably popular among people theorizing who Tohru would be with if not Kyo, but for some reason it just sits poorly with me. I can’t rank it any lower because there’s nothing evil or morally wrong about it! I just really don’t like it. I’ve quit a few fics because this pairing came up and I just can’t enjoy it.

14. Kakeru x Komaki: Idk, I just think Kakeru latching onto the one girl who was nice to him and put up with his bullshit and then being with her forever isn’t compelling. Komaki’s also probably his beard. She’s likable as an individual though.

15. Akigure: There’s plenty to say about the age gap, Shigure being in love with Akito since she was a fetus because of The Dream, the implications of a 15-18 year old knowing he’d one day want to be with a then-10-year-old... yeah, you get it. But even if I was able to put all that aside because Soulmate Destiny Logic, I still don’t think I’d like Akigure. I think they’re interesting as bitter, codependent exes, but I don’t like the idea of Akito ending up with anyone who she abused or who abused her. I think she has so much growing to do as a character and staying in a relationship within the Sohma family to do it can’t be healthy for her. I can’t see them living happily ever after, nor do I really want to.

16. Kurisa: I think what frustrates me the most here is that I want to like Kureno and everything about this romance is written to dull his most interesting traits. First of all, the age gap. Yeah, it’s gross, I don’t like it. But even past that, the love at first sight, instant fixation with each other, and lack of actual chemistry just kills me. Arisa’s stated reason to like Kureno is that he reminds her of Tohru, basically piggybacking off the chemistry she and Tohru already have, and his total lack of agency means the plot just sort of carries him along. It frustrates me that Takaya could have done something pretty cool by making them simply friends who have a chance encounter and then build a friendship from there that parallels Kureno’s abusive dynamic with Akito. It would be neat if a stranger’s kindness was the push Kureno needed to get himself out of the Sohmas’ grasp, without all the nonsensical drama about them being in love. It would also be less of a disservice to Arisa, who basically just spends the whole series pining for Kureno after they meet and I hate it. I could write a whole post about this. Maybe I will sometime.

17. Kyoko x Katsuya: I don’t think their story is romantic. I think it’s tragic for Kyoko, and if it were framed that way within the narrative, I wouldn’t object so much to its existence. But... Takaya just really likes age gaps with a younger woman and an older man, so the narrative romanticizes this man marrying his student. Katsuya can be depicted as well-meaning as you want, but he’s still got a ridiculous amount of power over Kyoko. She was also still pretty young when she had Tohru, which doesn’t make things any better because it’s clear that the relationship turned physical when Kyoko was a teen, thus dashing the idea of Katsuya legally marrying her to save her but not actually doing anything creepy. I wish Fruits Basket framed this as a story of Kyoko escaping one dangerous situation by entering a relationship with a huge power imbalance, because that happens to girls all the time and it’s tragic and compelling. The events of the story could stay the exact same and if the framing changed I would be fine with it. But this is not that. This is just a really romanticized teacher/student age gap. I’m not into it.

Part 2: Rarepairs, weird shit, and others (oh my!)

1. Yuki x Kakeru x Kimi: OT3. I’m enamored with the idea of this hot mess polycule.

2. Momiji x Kimi: Chaos meets chaos. This couple would say uwu without any irony and also steal your car keys. They’re both perceptive and smart hidden under a layer of cute and I’d wanna watch them play 4D chess with each other.

3. Kazuma x Kunimitsu: Idk how old Kunimitsu is so if he’s like 20, strike this one from the record. But I saw one post once that was like Kyo slowly realizing Kazuma and Kunimitsu were gay and had been dating for years and it was funny as hell.

4. AyaTori: It’s cute. Opposites attract, black and white hair, and Aya only listens to Hatori anyway. It’s just fun to think about.

5. Megumi x Hiro: They don’t interact in canon I just think Goth x Punk-Ass Bitch is a great concept.

6. Motoko x Nao: They’re both loud as hell and Nao having a gf that towers over him is funny. Maybe Yuki would finally get some peace.

7. Machi x Kimi: I don’t see them actually being compatible in canon but I think they could have a really homoerotic college friendship.

8. Hajime x Mutsuki: This is just YukiKyo, the non angst version.

9. Akito x Hanajima: I’m so wary of shipping Akito with anyone but this is kind of fun. The two are friends in canon and Hana isn’t remotely afraid of Akito. Plus Akito never abused Hana. I can sort of see it.

10. Hiroshi x Yusuke: Makes no sense, wouldn’t be relevant, but if those two just never spent any time apart and continued being a pair for life it would be a really good bit.

11. Akitohru: I don’t think it’s healthy to date anyone who’s previously stabbed you.

12. Kazuma x Hanajima: Stop. Go to jail. Hana’s one-sided crush is funny though.

[flabotanum]

The AoS Finale - Where Everyone Ended Up

A Positive Review:

I’m just gonna preface this by saying: I don't think this was a perfect end to the show but in my opinion it came pretty close and I'm happy with it, so this is a positive outlook on where all the characters ended up. I’m not super interested in dwelling on what could have been and this show means a great deal to me so the fact that I’m overall happy with where everyone ended up is something I was hoping for and glad came to be. (This also ended up being way longer than anticipated hence the “keep reading” if your interested in my rambling)

The Nature of Family:

“Yet, this is the nature of families; I have seen it countless times on countless worlds. People arrive so we celebrate, and people leave us so we grieve. We do what we can with the time in between but the cycle is always there - no-one escapes it, not even me.” - Enoch (7x09)

The found family has always been my favourite aspect of the show, so finding out that the team wouldn't be together at the end (ever, because Deke stayed behind but also just them not staying a team) hit me hard. But after seeing it and how it was done, it honestly feels like a pretty realistic and bittersweet ending that fits the characters’ progression without ruining what I loved about their relationships. Because it doesn’t feel like they've really broken up the family – in fact, they feel like they're practically an actual family despite being apart now. That VR meeting they had was very reminiscent of an awkward family reunion, except we can clearly see that they all still love each other and aren’t interested in losing contact – there's no longer an imminent threat and so life goes on; the team members have their own lives now and those lives involve them not being together beyond meeting up every so often.

(Also, the spirit of a found family isn’t lost with the addition of Kora and Alya into these characters’ lives - sure, Daisy now has a biological sister and Fitzsimmons have their own kid but that doesn’t negate any of their other relationships to the team but instead makes it so that Kora and probably more so Alya are extensions of this larger family - like Deke was)

Happy Endings and New Beginnings (Each Character’s Ending):

LMC!Coulson: I fully expected LMC!Coulson to deactivate himself at the end of the season, but I actually like what happened with him in the end. Real Coulson being denied a peaceful death is what started this show and so when season 5 came, I was honestly happy that they ultimately let him die and it was a major concern for me that LMC!Coulson would take away from that, so seeing that in the end he was given full autonomy over that choice made me very happy. He's still with SHIELD but is also being allowed to do his own thing, and he is finally being left in charge of his own fate: the team obviously wants him to stick around but they are respecting his choice to decide that for himself. Plus, ending with him and Lola 2.0 flying off felt like a very good and satisfying bookend for the show to me.

May: I'll start with Philinda – I couldn't see any way for Coulson and May to end up together because the real Coulson had died and LMC!Coulson is ultimately not him; as much as I enjoyed their scenes together this season, it wouldn't have felt right to me for them to end up in a relationship together (and as for saving Real Coulson – they didn't go anywhere near that time and honestly saving Coulson would've been unfair to both him and LMC!Coulson, so I don't think it would've worked properly, especially with only 13 episodes)

So for May's actual ending: I think it's great. Over the course of the season it seemed to me that she was getting semblances of emotion back and in the VR meeting it looked like she was almost back to normal (I’ll admit that this should have been confirmed explicitly and overall explained a bit more but I digress). And as for being a teacher, she has been a maternal figure and S.O. for the majority of the show to several agents (primarily Daisy) and so ending the show with her retired from active field duty and becoming a teacher for a whole new generation of SHIELD agents (at Coulson Academy no less) felt like a wonderful ending for her character. It also felt - to me at least - like she and LMC!Coulson still have a bond (her offer was the only one he really responded to) and I think leaving it open was the best thing they could’ve done.

Daisy: I was always one of the fans that wanted Daisy to be the director at the end but given the character’s progression, I’m happy with what we got. Daisy has always been shown to be a good leader for small teams; we saw that with the Secret Warriors and the Space Team at the start of Season 6, so giving her a team and her own Zephyr to go out and explore space felt appropriate. She's in a place where she's comfortable with who she is and so allowing her to fill the role that Coulson had in her life with Kora brings her story full circle. She's "loving the journey" with Sousa and seems to be actually happy with her smaller space family. She was definitely the least comfortable with leaving the team for good, as shown by her looking at all the empty chairs at the end of the VR meeting and everything she said to Mack in 7x11, but I think it was important to show that despite the team splitting up, she still has that family - it’s just that she doesn’t see them all the time and that’s okay because they’ll still always be her family. (Also, Coulson asking her to give him a call when she got back felt a lot like a parent who’s kid had moved away which drove home that idea for me)

Fitz and Jemma: Not much to say for these two – they got their happily ever after with Alya and I think that's beautiful. Fitz fully retiring felt like the right call given that being a SHIELD agent was the cause of a lot of pain for him (I'm not saying it didn’t result in a lot of pain for everyone else because it definitely did, but I've always felt like Fitz would be better off living a peaceful and uneventful life since he's never really much enjoyed the good parts of being an agent like the others did). Jemma sort of retiring but helping Daisy with some stuff was also great. Honestly, just the two of them raising Alya is a good ending for them (not to mention Alya having this massive extended family that spoils her - it just warms my heart)

Deke: Deke probably has the most bittersweet ending because he doesn't get to see the rest of the team again. I have no doubt he'll look after the versions of the people he loves in his new timeline (like he told Mack he would) and he also has his own little found family with the Deke Squad (if I recall correctly, they said they’d be at the Triskelion after a few weeks so I don’t think they got killed when it went down) so I think he'd ultimately be happy. Sometimes you don’t get the girl but Deke made a major sacrifice for the girl he liked and the family he'd grown to love, and that’s a testament to how much he had grown from the guy we met in the future who didn’t understand how people would be willing to sacrifice like that. (Also, as much as it'd be nice for Alya to actually be Deke's mum - they kept saying “maybe” so I think they know the odds are extremely slim and are just being very hopeful - this ending made it so that messing up another timeline had actual consequences that Deke has to deal with and I can appreciate that)

Mack and Yoyo: I don’t have much to say for these two either. I was surprised that Mack remained at SHIELD but honestly, he's really grown into the job so him being the Director of a fully re-established SHIELD and getting to continue working with Yoyo, May and Coulson (and Daisy I think) in some capacity is nice – it also seems like he's enjoying it so that's great. Yoyo being a highly decorated agent, getting her own team and working for an institution she trusts (in no small part because Mack is in charge) is also a great ending for that character, because when we met her all she wanted was to make a difference which she can continue to do with SHIELD. (also Yoyo usually seemed to, for the most part, enjoy being an agent so that’s a happy ending I think).

All in all, I think that the way in which the show ended and where we see all the characters after a year was handled well. They’re all pretty happy but there’s a bittersweet realism in that they’re no longer all together and sometimes you have to embrace that life goes on. As far as I’m concerned, they’re still a family but they’ve entered new chapters in their lives - like Mack and Daisy said in 7x11, it’s not the same but that’s okay.

[fmdjoosungarchive]

restructuring task 1

+5 tracker points

1. assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background.

wc: 365

idk if i’ve said this on dash yet, but i’m treating new famed more or less like an au. in sung’s au, the defining change is that he was let go from gold star when he had his injury as a trainee. it was always my headcanon that they truly were close to cutting him loose anyway, so this is just the other side of that. he had his injury, got plastic surgery to try to appease them into keeping him, and they still let him go. when he went home his parents said alright u tried that now join the fam business n sung freaked bc he realized he doesnt want that for himself so he went to do smth he also hated, and joined the military. while there he still worked on his dance and vocals whenever he had a moment to do so, so that when he was discharged and started auditioning again, he wasn’t so rusty

he is a year younger in this world, just bc of quantum’s age range, not for any other reason. makes him a little less of a cradle robber in his relationship lol which, another change is that daisuke wouldn’t have been his first kiss, just first everything else

quantum is very different from old element and new element, but it’s very in line with what i liked about quicksilver (& has models from that) and he’s a leader! this is an idea ive toyed with a lot over the last three years tbh. at first i didn’t think sung suited a leader position, but he came to show me he’s just a different kind of leader. i liken him to jinki often in this regard. rather than lassoing members in, he supports them being however they are, and takes an intimate/emotional path to gaining their trust and leading them. and while he wasn’t suited for the full business life, what he learned from his father’s teachings helps him in dealing with the company as the group’s representative there (& he loves a good powerpoint presentation)

other timeline stuff for big events in his life are likely to shift but i’m not sure on specifics yet

2. what does your muse think of their company and their group?

wc: 260

as the child of a businessman, he’s never under the illusion that as a company entity, their first priority is their wellbeing. he knows that they are products, and that they’re treated as such. it’s a bit heavier with dimensions than gold star, since gold star makes a more active effort to pretend they care. however, once having accepted that, sung thinks himself and dimensions work well together. he does feel that for a company, they allow himself and his members to be a part of the creative process, as says their motto. he feels much more encouraged to write songs and choreograph under dimensions than he did under gold star, where it felt like he was constantly on his knees begging for the company to take him seriously

as for quantum, sung really loves what they’re about. he’s not a big fan of all (or most) of their songs, though he’s more loving towards a song written by another member even if it’s the same sound he dislikes, but he absolutely loves being focused on performance and concepts. his creative mind works very much on the basis of story and emotion that comes with it, and he feels like quantum’s concepts sometimes to often lean into his tastes. he’s always been a dancer first and foremost (god am i so glad to have his main dancer title back i MISSED u) so focusing on performance is v much up his alley, and his preferred style of dance is through storytelling. he feels the heart of dance is in that

3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract?

wc: 281

quantum’s on their first contract still, up for renewal in 2024. at the current moment, he would like to re-sign. however, unlike my others, his re-signing depends more heavily on the other members. if they were unhappy and wanted to leave, sung would want to follow suit, not because he can’t make his own decisions, but because if the reason the members want to leave is because of the company, not quantum, he’d want to try to help quantum continue to live. if that means all of the members leaving in order to rebrand under another company, so be it. he’d like to avoid lineup changes however he can, and ideally would like to be an idol for as long as possible

he himself feels alright about his treatment. he feels creatively stimulated, and appreciated for talents further than his face. if he were to try to negotiate different terms at their contract renewal, part of it would likely be wanting to give members a higher share of profits, especially on releases they’re creatively involved in. sung personally has no use for excessive money, but not all of his members have his background, and he feels more than just the money, it’s what’s fair. he’d also prefer to allow for more creative freedom. as a 7/8 year group by then, he’d think they should be allowed to take the reigns more heavily. and on his personal side of things, he would want dimensions to be more mindful of his schedule. sung enjoys working, but he’s only one person, who doesn’t want to be overworked. these are all just his current thoughts, though, and will probably change before contract renewal comes up

4. what are your muse’s goals and motivations?

wc: 294

his motivations to be ‘successful’ and/or achieve his goals are his family, namely being someone his nephew and niece can be proud of, and someone his parents can feel was worth letting go of. he feels closer to the latter than he did in old famed. his members motivate him to be a good leader, his desire to grow as a creator motivates him to write and choreograph

specific goals could be bigger like his desire for more public recognition. while quantum has a lot more recognition both in korea and abroad than element or quicksilver, sung wants the best for his group. he’d be happy if they stayed where they are with their loyal fandom, but he still aims for more

sung also wants to get better at standing up for himself. he’s best at standing up for others, because he can slap on a bit of bravado in order to help them out, but when it comes to himself, especially with his parents, he’s pretty awful at it

he’d also like to create more for quantum, and others. i/he have a goal for him to write a whole album for someone, so if anyone reads this far and could want sung writing for their muse, hit me up!

he’d like to get married and have children one day. that’s always been a dream of his, and while he knows his career doesn’t allow for that soon, it’s still on his docket

he wants to spend more time with his family, especially his nephew and niece. they’re so new to the world and learning everything, and sung wants to be a part of that. he doesnt want his part in their early lives to be ‘i don’t really remember seeing him back then’

5. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?

wc: 291

at some point, this bitch is gonna have to admit he’s a homiesexual. in his previous version, it was a lot easier for him to ‘i pretend i do not see it’ when it came to that. sung’s very ignorant when it comes to the queer community in korea, so he’s not even really aware of terms beyond gay, maybe trans. but, terms aside, he always thought he was someone who liked women, and daisuke and a couple of others were just outliers. they were the Special ones outside of his jurisdiction that were just too good for him to not notice. aka he believed he was bi. and now, he still does, but i have less faith he’ll be able to hold that up until he dies like i did before, because he’s actually dated at least one woman before in this world. considering the plot has yet to be picked up, i don’t know the specifics, but i do think it’s harder to run away from when the way he treated a relationship with a woman and a relationship with a man were lightyears away from one another. it’s still possible for him to run away from the truth of the situation, but it’s also very possible that one day, his thoughts on it will shake, and everything will click into place (messily,, probably the messiest clicking ever) it would be a difficult thing for him to come to terms with, though i think it’s better for him in the longterm to truly know who he is, and why he acts the way he does, why he feels the way he does about women vs men. it’s also nice just to not live a lie, even if only privately

6. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.

wc: 523

sung has a pretty filled history of individual activities. most are points claims with a focus on modelling, his radio, and music, though he’s dipped into pretty much ever facet of idoldom, some with more success than others. his ecp expenditures flesh that out a little more, and add a bit more realism, and/or make sense of the group changes. he had a one year modelling contract with the north face, and while official claims aren’t possible, i was inspired by a couple of things rowoon did with them. there was more of a push on an eco-friendly side of things, and there was a bit of dancing. playing into his group position with dancing i feel is fitting, but the eco friendly part i also feel could round out his image more as a good, kind boy who also can be sexy, whereas before, his earlier modelling claims focused a lot more on the sexy aspect, because it fit element and his trajectory there better. here, it makes him more dual sided from the beginning. north face is also just a nice, strong brand that i think is fitting for a pretty boi. i set it a bit after a year out from debut because i feel like that’s the most realistic, especially for a group like quantum that grew audience with each comeback

part of that first year being focusing only on the group ties into his creative claims as well! his first creative claim was with the bside love, lalala on the eternity ep. the nicest part of creative claims being unattached to positions is that all of sung’s claims are the songs in the discography most Him. so love lalala is very jazzy and smooth, and would have served as his first introduction to songwriting, as well as what made him interested in songwriting. then he was a choreographer on error, which is heavily story based, and about the members being a unit, and making beautiful pictures together. i hope to snag intro long journey and outro long journey from the beginning and end of the ateez sector, because they’re beautiful compositions that fit sung’s style, but also having him on both makes him feel like he’s a part of the concept’s creation in an intimate way, which fits with dms. then there’s aurora, which sung partially composed and partially choreographed. the choreography has contemporary flair to it, and the song is a flowing sound that matches that. then there’s partial production on sunrise, which i just love the robotic ass experimental production there, and comp for with u, which i believe ties back into sung’s rediscovering his love of piano. choreo for valkyrie is most similar to error in it’s pretty pictures way, and also has a bit of complex footwork, especially as its point dance, which is also p sung to want to include. and finally, some comp on stand by, which is like a mix of the appeal of aurora and with u methinks? listening to all of his written songs together i feel like really makes a picture of sung’s songwriting so i love that

[queerchoicesblog]

Surviving The Titanic (SC Titanic, Zetta x Adele Series, Ch. 16

So, folks, the SC Titanic Zetta x Adele Series is BACK with a new chapter! Thank you so much for your support, hope you enjoy it!

Little disclaimer-favor: especially since the tags don’t seem to be working anymore, if you do enjoy it, please consider supporting the author & sharing this. A little gesture that means a lot!

Word Count: 2000+

Zetta x Adele Tag: @storyscaped​ ​ @storyscapefanficarchive​ @marmolady​ @animus-and-anima​ @hayley-carter19 @escako​  @everlastingchoices​ @indescribablechoices​ @ahrielstuff​ @bornonawdnsday​ @nazario-sayeed​  @h-doodles​ @adele-serda​ @marlcasters​ @brightpinkpeppercorn​  @michelleconnoly​ @charliejane-blog​ @ghost-of-yuri​  @choicesgremlin​  @lanzhansguqin​ @orange-elephants​ @wonder-falcon​

Zetta x Adele Series Tag: @eternal-langdon​ @nydeiri​

➡️ Ch. 1, Ch. 2/1, Ch. 2/2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6, Ch. 7, Ch. 8/1, Ch. 8/2, Ch. 9, Ch. 10/1, Ch. 10/2, Ch. 11/1, Ch. 11/2, Ch. 12, Ch. 13, Ch. 14, Ch. 15

_________________________

Surviving the Titanic. That's the title Richard chose for the picture: melodramatic, short, effective. It goes straight to the point, it's a good call probably. I try to stay away from the press as much as possible before the film is done and let him answer the journalists about this new project. Surviving the Titanic. The day I set foot at the studio I realize I must survive this.

Richard is already there, sleeves rolled up, discussing details with the cameraman while in the background workers are assembling the set design for the first scenes we're shooting: a deck facing the quiet waters of the ocean on a sunny day and a, a bit further, a common hall. They bear a pale resemblance to the lavishness and the grandeur of the real Titanic yet it's enough to ignite a certain sadness inside me. A new wave of grief that I better conceal soon enough: the producers are on their way to greet me. I swallow back my melancholy and flash them my signature smile. When I finally manage to take my leave, I let Richard know I'm here and greet John and the rest of the crew. I even praise the scenographer for his excellent work before heading to my changing room. I sigh in relief as I close the door behind me: I underestimated all this. I underestimated how tough filming this is gonna be. I take off my hat and take a seat at my table. I'm extremely thankful to whoever put a bottle of sherry in my room; I wonder if it was Sabine. I gave her half day off; of course she offered to attend me on set too, but I feel this is something I need to do on my own. I called for it when I wrote the script, after all. The alcoholic sweetness of sherry soothes my thoughts a little. It's fine, I'm a professional...I can do this. However, I feel less confident when a girl brings me my scenic clothes, the scenic clothes Richard and I agreed on for the role: a long dark skirt and an ivory blouse with an elegant silk tie. It doesn't bear even a slight resemblance to the outfit Adele wore on the Titanic: this is impeccable, no poor stitching or cheap fabric, it fits me perfectly unlike hers. Yet my mind races back to the day she walked into my stateroom and I first laid my eyes on hers, unimpressed. How wrong was I back then...but she was quick to make me change my mind with the fire burning underneath her skin. If I could go back to that day and start over, I wince, checking my full figure in the mirror. I finish applying my rouge in complete silence. After one last fix to my hair, I head out of my change room. The activity in the studio is in full swing, almost feverish: we'll be ready to roll in ten, Richard gestures me from afar. As I approach the set, I am greeted by the actress cast to play my fictional sister. In her early twenties, big blue eyes and wavy chestnut hair, 'a huge fan' of mine 'honored to work side by side' with me. I've heard it so many times I struggle to believe it but she looks genuinely excited, surprisingly. I offer her a smile and tell her I was quite impressed by her performance in her latest picture. Even she doesn't look like Hileni at all: too old for the part, too pale, too bubbly. I still remember the way her face twisted in grim skepticism on the boat while we waited in that chilly dark night and how she brightened up immediately as she spotted the Carpathia in the distance. Her endearing shyness when she didn't know how to refers to me and kept calling me 'Miss' or even 'madam' for the whole journey to New York despite me telling her to simply call me by my name. I'm secretly grateful to Richard for interrupting our conversation and my doleful memory lane. "Alright, ladies, we're ready when you're ready" he announces with proud excitement and I can almost feel the adrenaline pumping in his veins. "Now, as I was saying earlier, we will start with the scene on the deck: it's a lovely sunny morning and you just go for a stroll, marvelling of the ocean around you and playing shuffleboard with other passengers...where are the extras? Ah, there, coming...excellent! Then we will have the dancing sequence. I suggest we start it today but we can finish it tomorrow, no hurry. We'll have to wait a few more days for the arrival scene, a delay with the scenic design but no big deal. Any question?" I've always knew Richard is a wonderful director: diligent, scrupulous, focused. He knows what he wants and how to make it happen on celluloid and in this little world on set. And I knew he would have been possibly more attentive this time with a script we co-wrote in his hands...what I didn't know is that I should have probably said no to this project. His enthusiasm, getting back to work after my long break, starting my Renaissance and winning the favor of my fans over again while paying an homage to someone dear to my heart...it all persuaded me to do this. But as days pass, I start doubting my decision. At the end of the first week on set, I am falling apart behind the mask I put on as I walk into the studio. Memories and regret haunt me like relentless spirits. It takes so little to trigger them: a detail of the set design, a word... I'm leaning on the railing of the scenic ship waiting for the light issue to be fixed: it doesn't quite look like moonlight, too bright. I go through what I have to do in the next scene: I spot the iceberg looming in the dark, mouth slightly agape and terror in my eyes as my mind races back to my sister separated from me, I gotta warn her and bring her to safety. Like Adele did. The set goes suddenly dark as technicians keep adjusting and it's more like that last night on board when on a deck unlike this I stole a sweet moment with the woman I love. I turn my head haunted by a memory...as if I was back to that night. "If I'm honest, I don't even want to reach shore, I don't want to go back to the party...I just want to stay out here with you. Forever" "Let's just make a tent of this blanket - we can live off seal meat and rainwater!" The painfully tender smile on Adele's lips as she stroke my cold cheek. "What about your acting career?" "We'll make our own plays. Whaddya say?" A pang of excruciating nostalgia takes hold of me, cutting my breath short. It's almost a physical torture how badly I miss her. I feel a lump forming in my throat and gesture to Richard. "Zetta, are you alright?" he asks, approaching on the other side of the railing. I want to shout that no, I am not and run away to my changing room. But I refrain myself. He places a hand over mine and when I meet his gaze he looks genuinely concerned. "Can you give me five? I'm- I'm just a bit tired, I think". "But of course! Take five" he smiles before getting serious again, pondering. "This is probably a bit overwhelming for you, you were there...I didn't consider it properly" "It's alright, I'll be fine" I reassure him, impatient to take my leave and disappear. "I just need a moment" "Sure...tell you what? Why don't you take a real break? You can go home if you like and come back let's say...after lunchtime? This lightening issue is taking ages to get fixed, you don't need to worry about falling behind or anything" "You sure?" He nods, smiling encouragely. "Yes, darling. Go take care of yourself. I'll see you later. I can call you a car if you'd like" I thank him for his concern but I have a chauffeur waiting. After one last gentle squeeze to my hand, he lets me head back to my changing room. I get out of my scenic costume hastily, as if it was burning coal on my skin, and hastily put on my dress before walking calmly but quickly out of the studio. The back is empty, only me and the late summer wind blowing. I take a deep breath once, twice to swallow back the tears welling my eyes. I can't cry, not now not here. I don't want to cry...especially when the silence is broken by someone opening the door of a nearby building. I don't know whether I should be thankful or not to that stranger walking out with a box in his hands. The more I look at him though he looks oddly familiar. Hold on. He's not a stranger! He's...Lawrence! I call his name and he turns to the sound of my voice. He looks older than I remember, as if he aged all of a sudden. His blue eyes gleam in the sun as he recognises me and a warm yet tired smile cross his lips. We look at each other for a long moment then I run into his arms and give in a tight hug. Half an hour later we sit in front of each other in the private lounge of a fancy cafe not far from the studios. We chat a little as we wait for our drinks and I tell him about Surviving the Titanic. He'll hate it, I know it already, but I sincerely hope he and Felix will accept my invitation to the premiere and the movie party. He looks surprised at first by my offer, almost...touched? He says he will make sure to be there. I flash him a smile and my eyes fall on the box at his side. He follows my gaze and sighs. Before i formulate a proper question, he tells me he has just retrieved his stuff. The producers cancelled his latest project: it was almost done, only a matter of adding the finishing touches but they changed their mind. He smiles grimly, taking a sip of his drink. I know the feeling, I have been there too and I know how much it hurts. It's disheartening to see someone like Lawrence, a brilliant director and a good man, sharing the same experience. It angers me, I wish I could do something for him. When I ask him why, he gives me a searching look. "They don't want their name to be associated with me at the moment. For a while, I think" Seeing the confused look on my face, he informs me of the rumours the press spread over the past few months. Poisonous claims of cowardice during the sinking of the Titanic, of trampling kids to get on a lifeboat, bribing officers to have his life saved instead of waiting behind like a gentleman. "Thought you'd heard the rumours. Everyone believed what the journalists said. Even my wife, my son...he couldn't sleep one night, I couldn't too and he came to me. He looked troubled so I asked him what was wrong and...and he broke into tears asking me why I have always taught him to be a brave boy when I am such a coward" he winces, diverting his eyes to hold back tears. I knew nothing of it. Richard or Sabine must have gotten rid of the articles before I could read them to prevent me from finding out: it's the only explanation I can think of. I reach for his hand across the table. "But none of this is true, Lawrence! These are just vile lies-" "Does it make any difference? Press is the new truth, Zetta..." he notices sombrely. "No, I know the truth and I refuse to believe anyone who knows you believe such bullshit: you and Felix stayed till the very last chance to survive and helped many people to reach the lifeboats!" "Just like you" he smiles. "I can't believe I'm learning this now...but you know what? I will talk to the press. Yes, I will set the record straight and I'll write my lawyers, you can charge those bastards-" Now it's him placing his hand on mine and gently pushing it back. "That's kind of you, Zetta, but please don't. I beg you" "Why? This is outrageous and vile and-" Lawrence shakes his head grimly and adds, his voice dropping to a whisper. "This has nothing to do with what happened on that ship. This has to do with...me" He winces, we both wince as if at unison. He doesn't need to add anything else, I understand immediately what he means. You can't kill rumours but rumours can kill you slowly and there's little you can do about it. Especially if they deal with how close you look to your assistant, how much time you spend together away from your wedding nest, how it's almost like you have a liking for a man in particular. A man. It could be an innocent comment, but it rarely is. Generally it's malicious and poisonous and it can threaten your whole career. We keep quiet for a moment and our silence is filled with a mute mix of sorrow and anger we can't voice. "How's Felix doing?" I ask, offering a sympathetic smile. He seems grateful of the question. He tells me that he's still a bit shaken but working hard on the project. Well, he was working hard for the project they were working on. It seemed to have helped both of them to cope with the grief and the trauma of that night, it kept them busy. "I...I don't know how to tell him that it's over. He will be so sad...I procrastinated and postponed the moment but I can't do it anymore, I suppose. Maybe a bottle of brandy might help?" he says, adding a final smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Maybe" I smile encouragely. "You two should come over for dinner sometime. I wanna hear everything of the project and the next one. And we could finally spend some time together. Richard would love it too, I'm sure. Maybe he can help" He looks surprised by my offer but thanks me. A silence settles between us: I hope he's not thinking I made such offer out of mere courtesy or - worse- pity...I hope he knows me better than this. After a while, he finally speaks again and asks me the last question I could have possibly expected. Well from anyone else, but Lawrence Yarrow. "I've been meaning to ask...how's Miss Carrem doing? Sadly I haven't seen her around since our arrival in New York" I freeze at the sound of my love's name. Lawrence gives me an encouraging look, playing with a ring at his finger. "I hope she recovered from the sinking, somehow. I remember her quite fondly" he adds. He's suggesting me ways to speak but no word comes. It's as if out of the blue I forgot the lines of my script and gasped onstage like a fish desperately grasping for air. And all it took was a mention to Adele. I lower my gaze. "I-I have no idea...I haven't seen her around since our arrival too" "Oh, I thought..." Lawrence doesn't finish the sentence. When I meet his eyes again, he looks saddened and troubled by my answer. No more sad and troubled than me, though. "I...I was actually hoping you had news of her" I add, failing to refrain my own thoughts and blushing slightly even if I am pretty sure there is no need to be embarrassed with Lawrence. "No, I lost sight of her at the pier. She was speaking to an officer, documents stuff I think" he shakes his head, reminiscing that day. Then, he offers me a tentative smile. "Maybe you could write her or visit her. I'm sure she will be happy to hear from you" Yeah, the thoughts occurred me too so many times, almost every night when I poured my heart over letters I never sent. I look at him straight in the eyes. I don't know if this conversation is a good idea but Lawrence is probably the only one I can let my mask fall for a moment when it comes to Adele. He can understand, even better than my little Napoleon. "I don't know, maybe it's better this way" I sigh. I thought I could hold his gaze but apparently I can't. I divert my eyes and the lump I felt in my throat on the set surfaces back. "You don't seem convinced" he comments, lowering his voice. I turn almost abruptly as if stung by a wasp. He's giving me a concerned look, a silent invitation to go on, let it all out. I look over my shoulder and lower my voice too. "What should I tell her, Lawrence? I have never felt more miserable than now! These months away from her, knowing nothing of her, if she's fine, if she's still hurting, if she settled down fine here have been a nightmare. And it's absurd cause I've known her for a week? Even less but I-my mind keeps getting back to those days. To her. I miss her terribly...but I am going to marry Richard in a few months. Let's be painfully honest: what can I offer her? This marriage has to go forward...I want to be with her but I cannot ask her to hide and live half a life as I do. To be what? A secret mistress? No, that would be offensive, both to her and what I feel! So tell me, Lawrence...what should I tell her exactly?" He keeps quiet for a moment, pondering my confession. When he thinks he found an answer, he speaks again. "Maybe you could tell her this?" he suggests, reaching out and giving a gentle squeeze to my hand. I give him a long painful look, fighting with the lump in my throat. "I would only make her suffer. I hate the idea of this marriage, Lawrence, but I need it. If I step back, I'm done. Gone, forgotten, and I'm not ready for it." I sighs and my face falls. "You know that I can't have both her and my career" Lawrence runs his thumb on the back of my hand as he considers how to soothe my pain. He looks into the distance as if lost in a train of thoughts. "The day I met Miss Carrem, she turned down my offer to be filmed. At that time I didn't understand why but Felix insisted to respect her decision. He said: we know what is like to keep secrets" A quick smile cross his face as he reminisces that day and those words, more meaningful to us than to anyone else. "Anyway...she helped us moving our stuff into the library. Once there, she asked us about the year you disappeared, if we knew why. Felix went all protective, he's such a fan of yours...for the whole day he set my ears on fire, repeating how suspicious your new secretary was 'poking around in Zetta's private matters like that'. I disagreed, surprisingly. You know I trust my instinct and she didn't inspire me ominous feelings. Later I understood it how right I was." He continues. "At your party, during your nephew's hysterical act, when he uncovered the deal he made with her, you told that you knew. You knew the whole time because Adele shared it with you, risking everything. I don't know if she ever found out-" "I told her" I say, a painful whisper. "She trusted me with her life, I trusted her with mine" Lawrence is taken aback by my revelation but he recovers quickly. An affectionate smile appears on his lips as he continues. "That's when I understood why she asked. It had nothing to do with James's request, she investigated to protect you. She protected your secret as, I'm sure, you would have protected her own, if James hadn't spilled it out. But that's not all that I remember from that night. Well, your party, at least. We may not be around each other all the time but we've known each other for a while, huh?" He winks, making me smile weakly at him. "Zetta, I have never seen you as radiant as you were that night before the tragedy. I can hardly imagine what you were going through, what depth of grief you were hiding underneath your dashing smile, knowing what sort of surprise your nephew had in store. But you were glowing, the happiest I've seen you in years" The cafe starts crowding, our words are no longer safe from prying ears even if we sit in a discreet corner on the balcony. We observe the people chatting and taking seats nearby in this late summer sun. Soon, Lawrence excuses himself, saying he better go and break the news to Felix. I thank him for his company, a company so dear to me, and we kiss each other on the cheek, like old friends. Before picking up his box and taking his leave, he meets my gaze again. A soft sympathetic smile lingers on his lips. "I cannot tell you what to say or what to do with Miss Carrem" he says, voice low so only I can hear. "I can only tell you what I know". "Enlighten me, my dear friend" I smile weakly at him as he sighs. "Sometimes our secrets are what makes our lives worth living. No matter with what high cost they come attached" And then, he leaves, waving me goodbye before disappearing into the crowd. Yet, his words stay with me for the whole day. For days and weeks, actually. They keep haunting me even when the last day of shootings finally comes to an end and I go hide into my dressing room. I get off my scenic clothes and put on my robe. Then I sit in front of the mirror and remove my makeup slowly, meticulously as Lawrence's words echo in my mind. I have no idea how long I've been there when I hear someone knocking at my door. "Zetta, darling, are you in there?" Richard. I tell him to come in and he obliges. He looks a bit tired but in good spirits. He's happy with how the picture is coming together, he's sure it will be a huge success at the box office. He praises the troupe's work and mine in particular: he kisses my wrist then my cheek whispering I was 'divine'. I feel him smiling against my skin and he doesn't let go of my hand, he plays brushing our fingers together as he takes a seat at the side of the table. A secretary knocks and informs us that they're ready to leave when we're ready; she offers to bring my costumes back to the dressing ward. I thank her and ask her to close the door behind her when she leaves. I resume my previous chore, calmly. Richard follows the with his eyes until the door closes then he turns towards me and gives me a questioning playful look. "So, you wanted me all for yourself?" I bark a laughter: I wish it was that simple. He probably wishes I was that simple too...poor Richard. "Kind of. I wanted to have a word with you but we have been so terribly busy lately" "We're not now. Give me your best shot, love" He shifts to sit more comfortably and nods me to go on. But I can't find words, not the right ones at least, to express what I feel inside. When the silence lingers, the excitement in his eyes inexorably vanishes, replaced by a vague concern. "Is it about the marriage?" he inquires, cautiously. I wince, diverting my eyes. I feel him reaching for my hand and sneezing it gently. "Hey, are you getting cold feet? Don't make that long face, it's pretty common, right?" He throws me his best encouraging smile in the mirror, I see his reflection speaking again as he caresses the back of my hand. "Unless you changed your mind?" He keeps stroking my hand but his voice betrays a concerned doubt. I must break this silence. "No, no of course not, Richard, I didn't change my mind about it" He looks instantly relived: another smile, more hopeful and bright, curls his lips. "It's perfectly natural getting cold feet, sweetheart, don't be so hard with yourself" "Have you?" I ask. He's young, a lifetime commitment might sound overwhelming to him...but youth is bold, their hearts easy to ignite with a stubborn flame. And Richard is a romantic. My question is redundant. "No, not really" he confesses. "Not yet, at least!" he jokes, probably hoping to cheer me up. I smile weakly at his reflection, unable to bring myself to laugh. Richard is a sweet young man, I feel sorry for him, for us. When he speaks again, his voice is less chirp. "What's troubling you, Zetta? Talk to me, please" I take a deep breath. This is harder than I thought... "Richard, dear...you know I don't beat around the bush..." I start. "That's one of the many things I like about you. Shoot" When I turn to face him, he's smiling at me. He must be cold sweating but he's smiling encourangely at me. "Richard, I...I'm afraid I can't love you the way you love me" His face tenses up a little but he's quick to conceal it. "What do you mean, love?" He doesn't know, I hid myself well. "You have the best qualities a man, a future husband could have: you're kind, sweet, romantic, you're passionate and have talent, more talent than half of the people in the movie business I know. You have dreams, ambition and a vision...but-" I pause, lowering my eyes. I ponder how far I can push myself, what words I should use...what I should say him. When I think I have found the right compromise between truth and secrecy, I look back into his eyes. "...but I'm not like the other women. I tried but I can't be. I-I'll never be the wife you look for, I can't be that type of woman and wife..." He listens to me carefully then meets my gaze in the mirror. To my surprise, he shrugs, smiling. "But I know that. I always knew it...even when I proposed you. Scratch that, even when I first met you" I am not sure he knows - or at least fully understood - why I am not like the other women but he surely must have come to notice some of my walls. My genuine - yes, I truly care for this romantic fool - yet rather cold affection, my not feeling the urge to hold his hand or spend ever day and every night together. By the way he looks at me, he must have found an explanation of its own. "You're a free spirit, a rare bird that cannot be put in a cage to be admired. Do it and the poor creature will die. You're stronger and more independent than that. To be honest, it's one of the things I love most about you" His smile becomes suddenly shy, flustered. "Like in Small-Town Showgirl, you remember?" I offer a weak smile to his endearing naivety. "I'm not a character of a picture, Richard" "Oh I know, still you remind me of her, that's all. But listen, dear, dearest Zetta" and he stands, moving behind me and placing his hands on my shoulders. "I know we will most likely be an unconventional married couple to some. I know you will need time and space on your own, to go on a trip without me or simply to be parted for some time. I know that maybe you will ask for things I will not understand at first and who know she? I might do it too, maybe we will quarrel from time to time like any married couple I know but...but to me it's still worth it, if it is for you. If I ever wanted to a wife all blind obedience, apron and rosary, I would have never fallen in love with you in the first place, don't you think?". I place my hand over his own and give it a squeeze, thankful. He continues. "We can be an artistic couple as Art is what brought us together, our shared consuming passion for the world of picture. A...partnership, like a painter with his muse. You're pretty much my Muse, I told you so, right? You inspire me and see what we crafted together, from scratch, working side by side? To me, this picture is the perfect prologue to our wedding". "I can't think of anything better than an artistic partnership, my dear. I promise you I will try not to put a fight too often" We look at each other then burst into a laughter. He didn't figure me out completely but if that's what he looks for, I can try and be a good Muse-wife for romantic Richard. It's all I can do for him since I cannot give him my heart. It belongs to someone else. "Thank you for hearing me out, darling. It means a lot" "Anytime, my sweet bride-to-be" He leans down and kisses the crown of my head. "I'll wait for you in the car while you change into your dress?" "Thanks, I'll be quick, promise" He makes to leave but stops on the threshold. "Or I can stay and help you-" I laugh again, throwing him a look in the mirror before turning towards him. "How dare you, Mr. King! That's not the kind of service to offer to a respectable lady!" I gape, amused. I playfully throw him a scarf that ushers him out of the door, laughing. At times I feel sorry for Richard...as well as for myself. Will we be happy as an unconventional couple as he put it? Will we be too unconventional for his liking? Will I be too much? At least, I've been as honest as I could with him. He's a good fella, he deserves it. As for me...I think I should find out if Lawrence is right about our secrets. I must find Adele.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Starfish in the sand

Collecting seashells is fun! Finding little treasures in the sand is something that never gets old. It's one of the little wonders of nature that keeps on giving.

Seashells are so cool and fascinating to look at. No two are alike and you never know what you'll find in the sand. Once in a while unique shells pop up in the beach, like these golden starfish ones. I don't know how long they'll stick around, so I try to collect a bunch to keep and give as gifts.

Jamie and Nedra have been staying at the camp for a while, enjoying the scenery and activities. It's been a long time since Jamie visited and this is Nedra's first time. A few days later Chrissie, Theda, Jean, and Emma joined us - which was why Jamie and Nedra stuck around.

So we've been having fun collecting seashells and doing craft projects with them. We made jewelry, decorated furniture, painted them, put together gift bags - there's a lot you can do with seashells! It's also nice to just chill and hang out with friends - especially Jean and Nedra as I haven't seen much of them since the entourage disbanded.

Jean's an actress and model with an interesting story regarding her family. Around the same time she joined the entourage, she had reunited with her father, who she hadn't seen in over 20 years. Up until she was around 5 Jean was raised by her mom. After she died, her dad decided to come back into her life and change his ways, abandoning the life of a conman. So he married his longtime partner and adopted Jean in hopes of starting over.

Unfortunately things didn't quite work out. Although Jean and her dad got along well, he fell back into his old schemes by stealing from heiress Agathe Dieudonne when he was going through some financial problems. The heiress forgave him since she took a liking to Jean and offered to send her to a prestigious boarding school in France so she can see the world. When her dad's old ways of living started to catch up with him, he and her stepmom decided to take up Agathe's offer so Jean could have a better life.

Over the years Jean kept in touch with her dad and stepmom through letters. Agathe doted on her like a granddaughter and used her connections to keep an eye on Jean's dad to make sure he was doing okay. Jean became aware of his past when she grew older, and the way she sees it, the conman and her dad are two different people. The fact that he tried his best and was willing to give her up so she could have a better upbringing is more than enough for her.

When she moved back to the states to pursue Broadway, Jean set out to reunite with her dad. It surprisingly wasn't too hard to find him and her stepmom as they happened to live on Peace Coast Island, not too far from where Jean was when she was in the entourage. Since then they've made up for a lot of lost time and Jean makes time in her busy schedule to visit often.

In a few weeks, Jean will be on tour for a show and one of the stops is the island. Coincidentally, Nedra's gonna be touring too and so she'll be performing a few nights at Starlight as well. The two became good friends through Jamie, becoming mentors for a drama program at Starlight Theatre as well as regular performers there for a time. Since the entourage disbanded they became super busy so it's nice that they finally got together for a long overdue meet up.

I told Jean about how Marlo's a huge fan of her and like Nedra, she's down to returning to the camp to meet her. We're still working out the details but Nedra and Jean will coordinate their schedules while I check in with Marlo and Don. It's gonna be fun having them all together!

Things have been the same old in Camellia according to Theda. Chrissie pops in for a visit every now and then, usually to bother Tanner or cause mischief with Lala, Theda, and sometimes Delwyn. It's good to hear that he's been doing much better these days - still, Edvin's absence continues to be a gaping presence.

Theda was right when she said that sooner or later, they'll move on and be okay - but it doesn't change the fact that what's gone is gone. And I fully agree with her.

Chrissie has also been spending a lot of time with Emma and her nieces and nephew, especially now that Emma lives about 15 mins away. She mentioned that Rocky and Lex have their hands full with the babies, which is why she's been bothering other friends. Emma doesn't mind as she's still adjusting to living in Cityburg, a drastic change of scenery after spending most of her life in a moderately sized suburban town.

Emma's doing a lot better since moving out and living with her brother Danny and his kids. She always got along with her mom's side of the family better than her dad's. Her mom's the type of parent who tends to be a bit overly critical of her kids but means well and just wants the best for them. As for Emma's father, he clearly favors her younger brother while putting Emma down for pretty much everything.

What prompted Emma to leave - aside from the threat of getting cut off financially - was something unforgivable her younger brother did. It's a fucking mess and if he keeps this up, I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up destroying him. It also didn't help that their father contributed by adding fuel to the fire.

Basically, the brother's one of those shitty tabloid people who profits out of ruining lives. The incident involved a close friend of Emma's, who died unexpectedly due to illness. The brother, who hated the friend for petty reasons, got a hold of Emma's phone, looked through her texts and took a lot of her conversations with her friend out of context to paint the friend and her family in a bad light.

In short, he turned a bunch of texts into "signs" that the friend was likely murdered by her family. He also revealed private information about the friend and how she was going through a rough time, claiming those as motives for why her family wanted her dead. He also made it look like Emma was the one to bring up the speculation, which the family knows is a load of bullshit. To those who knew the friend, it's clearly a pathetic attempt to ruin someone's name for clout.

As a result of the incident, Emma's mom had enough and kicked the father out, which Emma said was long overdue. As for her younger brother, her mom hasn't disowned him (yet) but she's made it clear how she found what he did despicable. Danny never approved of his stepfather and didn't get along with the youngest, so his reaction to what happened was along the lines of disappointed but not surprised.

Since I last saw Emma, things have improved a lot between her and Margie. Although they're aunt and niece, they've always gotten along more like sisters. While Rusty and Linda took quickly to having their aunt move in, there was some tension with Margie, though it had nothing to do with Emma personally. Margie was forced to grow up quickly after their other dad, Terry, and older sister Sherry, died last year, so things haven't been easy for the family.

With Danny having trouble balancing work and family life and Emma having problems at home, he decided to take her in. Emma says their mom has mixed feelings about it, believing that Danny's giving her an easy way out. If anything, I think Emma's a hard worker, but not in a way a capitalist society approves of it. In other words, capitalism can't profit off someone like her, so it sees her as useless. By living with Danny, an entertainer who not only understands what she's going through, but has also made a successful life for himself and his kids, Emma can freely pursue her creative passions without worries.

Right now, Emma's been working on creating content for her channel, posting journal with me videos and vlogging everyday life. She hopes to open her own sticker shop one day so Daisy Jane's gonna help her with that when the time comes. For now, she wants to focus on developing her art style by experimenting and studying other artists before getting into all that. I'm so excited to see where this will take her!

Chrissie and Theda have been really into making charms so that's what we're gonna do with the tiny seashells. I think the little starfish shells make the prettiest charms, especially on a bracelet. We also have some jewelry wire so I'm thinking of making earrings too. It's been years since I've made earrings so it's good to finally use up those earring hooks.

For the larger seashells, we're thinking of using them to decorate furniture. Theda used a bunch of seashells to decorate an old mirror she found while thrifting with Daisy Jane and it looks sooooo pretty! The decor and the gold paint looks like a vintage picture frame with the starry seashells giving it a sorta celestial vibe. I'm still not sure what to decorate yet but I'm considering one of the old bookshelves that's sitting in storage that has been in need of fixing up for a while.

Emma's been filming footage for her vlogs so I try to do a bit of everything so she can have the full camping experience. So far it's mostly sightseeing, crafting, and chilling with the campers. From what it looks like, Emma's considering splitting the content into two videos - one for seashell crafting and one for sightseeing. I'm flattered that she can get so much out of the camp!

Jean and Nedra find the camp a good spot to unwind from their busy lives. Before meeting up with the others Jean visited her dad and stepmom, who will see her again when she returns to Starlight for opening night. She also said the next time she drops by, she plans to come via plane as she's a pilot, like Chrissie. I think Marlo would die on the spot when she finds out that she would be in a plane flown by Jean Theodora!

Today was a low key day where we wandered around, enjoying the sights and taking it slow. We actually didn't do too much crafting today, which is fine as we tackled a lot of big projects early on so we were kinda running low on shells. So we ended up with a pretty good haul and a bunch of new ideas for craft projects.

No matter how busy or chill the days are, we always find ourselves back at the beach, searching for starfish in the sand.

[flipomatic]

Shortcuts Chapter 5

Author Note: This is another dialogue heavy one someone please save me from my own bad decisions.

First Chapter Previous Chapter

_______________________________________________

“You’re really going to pass up this opportunity to mess with grudgby fans?” Ed asked, his arms crossed over his chest. He was standing with Emira in the front hallway of the school and was questioning her planned activities for the afternoon. “It’s gonna be fuuun.” He extended the vowel in fun for emphasis, pitching his voice up in the second half. There was an away game for grudgby that afternoon, which provided the perfect opportunity to prank fans of the opposing team.

“Not today.” Emira shook her head. “I have plans at school.” She didn’t bother to explain why, since it didn’t matter and wouldn’t sway Ed. “You have fun though, I’ll meet you home later.”

Ed was pouting, but he knew when it was time to give up. “Fine, later then.” He gave a half-hearted wave, then walked towards the front doors of the school.

Emira turned the other way, not bothering to watch him go, to go deeper into the building. She had a plan today.

It had been a week since she worked with Viney on the class assignment. They hadn’t talked since, but Emira waved and smiled at her once and got a rather unenthusiastic wave back in return. That was progress.

Today she was going to try and speak with her again, and hopefully get some answers to the questions she’d been pondering for the last week.

Viney had stayed after school every day for the last week and studied in the healing track classroom, which Emira found out by eavesdropping on the other multi track students. Emira had no reason to believe today would be any different. She had brought a couple textbooks in her bag, as well as a novel, in case she needed them. The plan was to ask Viney to study with her. There was about a 25% chance of success, but Emira was willing to take those odds.

When Emira reached the healing track room, she looked in the window to see if she could spot Viney. Unfortunately, she couldn’t. She had to open the door to find out.

She put on her best smile and entered the room. As expected, Viney was sitting at one of the tables with what looked like the same two books from the week before. She looked up at the sound of the door opening, green eyes widening slightly with surprise when they landed on Emira.

“Mind if I join you?” Emira asked as she shut the door behind her.

Viney raised one eyebrow in response. “Really?” She asked, clearly doubting Emira’s intentions.

“Yeah,” Emira walked over to the table, with Viney’s gaze not leaving her for a second. “I thought we could study together. We have that test coming up in history after all.” She patted her bag twice, as if expressing interest in the books within.

Viney shook her head with a frown. “I’m working on something else.” She said simply, a deflection that didn’t give any details away. She was quite skilled.

“Can I at least stay?” Emira changed her strategy, trying to improvise. “Most of the school is already closed, so there isn’t anywhere else to study.” That was only partly true, and Viney probably knew it too.

Viney thought about it for a moment, before sighing. “I guess you can stay.”

“Thanks!” Emira quickly sat in one of the chairs next to Viney before she could change her mind. She put her bag on the table and unzipped it to take out her books.

Viney wasn’t done, and she continued in a firm tone. “But we’re just studying near each other, not together.”

Emira couldn’t resist the urge to ask. “What’s the difference?” It didn’t really matter to her.

The frown and narrowed eyes on Viney’s face said ‘because I don’t like you,’ but when she spoke she said, “A matter of principle.” That wasn’t nearly as bad as Emira expected.

“Fair enough.” Emira took out her history book, placing it on the table and opening it. Viney seemed to have accepted that this was how it was going to be. She sighed again and turned back to her work, reading from the same two books and writing in her notebook.

Though Emira opened her book to the chapter on the construction coven, she wasn’t quite focused on reading. Instead, she was watching what Viney was doing out of the corner of her eye. Now that she was close, she could see that one of the books was written in runes unfamiliar to her, while the other seemed to be a dictionary of some kind. It looked like Viney was translating the first book, though towards what end Emira wasn’t sure.

Every once in a while she fidgeted with her earring, perhaps when stuck on a word.

It wasn’t exciting to watch and if Emira kept doing it she would be caught, so Emira actually read a bit of her textbook. It was a dull and dreary task; this was why she didn’t usually study.

Her whole body stiffened in surprise when Viney spoke to her.

“What’s your deal, anyway?” Viney had put her pen down and was looking right at Emira, hands held together on the table.

“What do you mean?” Emira asked for clarification as she turned towards Viney, to better look in her direction. She tried to relax a little, to not seem like she’d just been startled.

“I mean, what are you doing here trying to study with me?” This girl did not beat around the bush. Her forwardness was impressive.

“Can’t a girl just want to study?” Emira asked with a coy smile.

Viney scoffed at that. “No offense, but I don’t think you do.” That would’ve hurt if it hadn’t been true.

Emira could’ve tried to deflect again, but decided to go with a more honest response. “Well, last week you really knew your stuff.” She had been quite impressed with Viney’s notes and organization when they worked together in class, it was true. “And I wanted to work with you again.” It wasn't the entire truth, but it wasn't a lie either.

“Oh…” Viney looked back at her books, hands fidgeting together “I see…” She spoke quieter than before, voice trailing off. She seemed lost in thought, distracted from the conversation.

“It's fine that you're busy though. I'm curious, what are you working on?” Emira changed the topic, drawing Viney’s attention back to her. “I haven’t seen books like these before.”

Viney sat up a bit straighter in her chair, eyes lighting up at the question. “I’m trying to teach Puddles how to heal.” She was smiling and had brought her hands apart to move them as she spoke. “If she could do that, then we could tend to twice as many patients at once.”

“Puddles is a beast?” Emira asked, still not sure who or what Puddles was.

“A griffin.” Viney grinned.

Ooh, those were rare and hard to tame. But also, Emira was pretty sure they couldn’t heal. “How will she heal?”

Viney nodded, as if she expected the question. “That’s what I’ve been researching.” She said. “This book is about ancient methods of healing magic.” She gestured at the one that was in another language. “It’s very old and rare, so I’m only allowed to study it in this room. I’ve been translating it here and taking the notes home with me.” So that was what Emira had watched her do last week.

“Are you close to figuring out the spell?” Now Emira was curious about how it could be done.

Viney shook her head, shifting to a frown. “No, not yet. It’s far more complicated than I thought it would be. I’ll probably have to layer different types of magic to make it work.” Emira knew a few layered spells like that herself, but they only used illusion magic.

“I’ve never even thought about mixing magic like that.” Emira admitted, wondering what illusion magic could be mixed with. “It seems versatile.”

“You should try it.” Viney turned her chair slightly to better face Emira. “I don’t know how to explain it, but it feels like the possibilities are endless. I never realized how shackled I was before, when I was just in one track, but now it’s like a weight has lifted.” As Viney spoke, Emira couldn’t look away. She spoke with fire in her eyes; it was mesmerizing. “With the right combination of spells, I can do anything.”

“Like teach a griffin to heal.”

“Yes, exactly.” Viney smiled broadly, which was dazzling in its own way.

Emira was about to respond when they were interrupted by a knock at the door. It was the janitor, the same one who Emira had seen the week before.

“Sorry, we’re locking up early today.” He said from the door. “Everybody’s at the grudgby match.”

“Oh, I’ll pack up.” Viney stood and closed her books quickly, stowing them on the shelf. Emira followed suit, stowing her book in her bag.

She cursed her ever changing luck as they left the room, with the janitor locking the door shut behind them. He then walked away, leaving them there.

For a moment they stood in the hallway, neither saying anything. Emira broke the silence.

“I’m headed out, you coming?” Emira asked, trying to salvage the situation and their conversation.

“You go ahead.” Viney took a step back, away from her. “I still have some things to do.”

“Alright.” Emira knew what that meant, she was going to the secret passages. It wasn’t surprising to not be invited. “See you around then.”

Viney was almost smiling as she replied, “Yeah, see you around.” She gave a small half wave, then turned to walk away.

Emira watched her go for a moment, then did the same. She left the school and, seeing that the last transport to grudgby was long gone, started to walk towards home.

That could’ve gone way worse.

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End Note: Updates are going to be a bit slower from now on. I’ve overcommitted with this fic, but I still plan to finish it.

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