#i’ve never had bday surprises before i’m always the one to plan the fun bc i get so excited but

[notjanine]

i’ve had three jobs for six months and it’s been a lot and lately it’s just been TOO much, like i’ve had only two days off in the past month and i go to bed and dream about. work. or being late for work (which hasn’t even happened, but).

but the crazy part is… i REALLY like two out of three of my jobs. i’m gonna quit the one i don’t like soon. i finally feel like i’ve recovered from grad school and my internship. i’m too tired to be thriving but… once i figure out my work-life balance, i know i will be. it’s wild to get paid decent money to do work that i like and i’m good at and makes such a big difference in people’s lives, which i know because they tell me!!! heart full. i just need a good night’s sleep.

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Birthday

Summary: could you do a hs losers x reader where the readers new to town and hates her bday bc each year her past friends and family had always forgotten or did nothing so when richie finds out her bdays coming up he tells the losers and they all plan a special surprise party and richie saves up and gets her something super special and the losers r all like wow he’s never gotten anyone anything like this b4 so she finds out that he likes her or something so it’s like the best bday she’s ever had

Richie bikes swiftly passed you, faster than he usually does, which can only mean he’s trying to surpass you. You barely refrain from flipping him the bird in public, as you too throw your weight into peddling. It’s no use, Richie is more athletic than you by a long shot, and he’s been practicing with Eddie for track. You’ll never be able to catch up with him with no viable effort.

‘You asshole,’ you yell out to him, noticing an elder woman pledging through her yard too late to stop your exclamation. She regards the both of you with malcontent, stabbing her hark too brutally in the soil of her allotment for it to be a coincidence.

‘Not my fault your short legs can’t reach the peddles.’

You growl, lifting up from your saddle to race faster, but Richie sees you do it and does nothing but laugh.

Any other time you might give him hell for it, but today, you are in no mood to indulge in Richie’s escapades.

It’s your birthday, and while for most that equalizes a fun day stacked with presents and cake, to you it stands for a day full of misery.

Your birthday is cursed. And no, that is not you being dramatic. At your ninth birthday, your cake got slammed into floor, therefor ruing the gift your parents had been working on for weeks, and which was their only present.

At age ten, you fell off your brand new bike into a ravine and had to go to the hospital to get eleven stitches. On your fourteenth birthday, you and your parents got into such a huge fight they send you up to your room and forbad you from sneaking down at any point in the day.

There are more examples to back up your claim for the terrible birthdays, but you have tried to desperately block them all out, so you won’t rehash them.

That’s why your so peeved that Richie is forcing you to the quarry.

‘If you could tell me where I’m supposed to be going to bet u could find a short cut and be there faster than you.’

‘Nice try Dora, I’m not telling you anything. It’s a surprise.’

‘Alright, I get two attempts. If I can’t guess where we’re going, I’ll do your homework for a week.’

‘And if you do guess it?’

‘Then you owe me a favor and no matter for what reason I cash it in, you don’t get to complain.’

‘Fine, bring it miss know it all.’ Richie slows down to slide next to you, the wind picking up as the two of you descend down the mountain. His smile is mischievous and cheeky, probably too confident to think you’ll be able to reckon the spot he has in mind.

If only he knew that you had limited the possibilities to two places, the exact amount of guess you were granted.

‘Hm, are we going to the arcade?’ Your first theory is. Richie doesn’t have anything on him right now, except pennies that have been rinkeling inside his pockets the entire bike ride, the only thing he needs to go to the arcade.

Richie smirks, and shakes his head. ‘Try one my dear, may I say that the odds aren’t in your favor right now?’

His impressive ego in the way he taunts you with the right answer fuels your desire to be right. ‘Are we going to the Barrens?’ You sing, smiling wide as Richie’s shrinks.

‘Eh, no?’ He says, but he sounds petulant. ‘Fuck this shit, what gave it away?’

‘A girl never reveals her secrets’, you say covertly, forgetting momentarily about the agitating day. You suspect that might have been Richie’s intention.

It’s not like the Barrens is such a stretch in the first place, the losers and you have made that place your own, but you do hypothesize that he may have planned something special for you.

Your theory turns out to be true, as you can spot a long table at the end of the dirt path you and Richie are currently riding on to get to the clubhouse. The table is stacked with a variety of candies, your favorite, drinks that are sweet enough to rot your teeth, something Richie should be more aware off - having a dad who is a dentist-, and a giant cake with eight candles on. Each one representing a loser.

You say nothing as you approach, in a sneaky way torturing Richie a bit more before revealing that you’re at the verge of tears of this nice gesture. Richie slows down his speed by dragging his shoes along the dirt, glances darting nervously towards your face.

‘I know you said no parties, but how else was I supposed to show off my rocking dance moves?’

‘Do you mean the moves you make that look like you’re dying?’ Stan chides, him and the rest of the losers rolling up behind you two. They’re all walking next to their bikes, and Bill’s hands are smudges with cake residue he somehow missed while cleaning up. They didn’t want to be here before you and ruin the ‘surprise’, but it’s clear everyone has worked hard to organize this for you.

‘Fuck you Stan the man, the color green doesn’t fit you.’

‘Happy’, Bev grounds out, leveling Richie with one look, the way only Bev can, and then address you. ‘Birthday.’ She hugs you despite you still holding your bike, and you let it clatter to the ground with a loud bang.

‘Thanks Bev.’

‘Happy Birthday’, the other losers also call out, because there’s just too many of them for each to wait their turn.

‘We hope you don’t mind we don’t have any presents, we spend basically all of it getting ingredients for the cake, which we had to redo- twice.’

They don’t offer any other explanation about why the cake had to be remade two times, but by Eddie’s scowl you can fill in the blanks.

‘No, honestly, this is already too much.’ It is too much, but their efforts are so kind and heartwarming that you have to bit back a happy squall. No one has ever bothered to organize anything for your birthday, whether it be purchasing a two dollar present or even ordering a cake, but these people that you had met less then a year ago were willing to scramble together all the money they could, just so they could turn your day special. Thank god for moving to Derry.

For the first time in years, your birthday has brought smiles and laughter, and no tears and weeping moods.

‘Nonsense my dearest young lady, this is but a blip on our radar, a speck of dust on the tv, nothing compared too-‘

‘Can we please cut the cake now? Before something else goes wrong with it?’ Eddie glowers, refuting to wait for an affirmative.

‘Don’t forget the candles,’ Ben says as he follows Eddie to the table. You’re about to join them, when a hand on your wrists stops you.

‘Hey, Y/N? You really don’t mind this right? I know you said you didn’t want anything but I know how nice it is be caught off guard with something like this.’ Richie rubs the back of his head as if that makes him see any less anxious. It’s incredible how smart someone can be while simultaneously also being so dense.

‘Richie’, you say as you smile, unable to hide it any longer. ‘It’s amazing, thank you so much. If there is any way I can repay you I’ll do that. I’m really happy with this.’

‘That’s good, not that I was worried about it, who isn’t a fan of everything I do?’

Rolling your eyes only spurs Richie on, but it’s become an automatic response now, you can’t help but do it.

‘Oh, I almost forgot. I did get you another gift. Two actually, if you count my huge dong as one.’

‘Gross Richie, why do you always have to add something sexual to everything?’

‘It’s my game babe, love it or leave it. Anyway, here is the gift if you want it. If you don’t that’s fine too.’

‘Don’t get all shy on me now Rich’, you tease as your bump your arm into his while grabbing the package. ‘I’ve just gotten used to your antics.’

The package isn’t heavy, but it also isn’t light. It’s wrapped in enough layer that you can’t feel what’s inside of it just by holding it, but that was probably Richie’s intention. That or he is simply horrible at wrapping up.

While you carefully peel off each layer, you begin to speculate on what it could be. It could be a gag gift, but Richie looked sincere, and his eyes behind his glasses are magnified in true anticipation, a gag gift wouldn’t illicit that response.

As soon as the final layer is detached, you gasp, armored by the actual gift. It’s a blue bracelet, covered in butterfly pattering. You once mentioned having a similar one as a kid that you loved but lost one day while playing outside and had been sad about for weeks.

You can’t believe Richie had kept it in his mind, and had gone out to look for it.

‘Richie… I don’t even know what to say right now.’ You exclaim, squeezing the bracelet in your hand tightly, a blush covering your face. Richie’s mimics yours. ‘Thank you’, you say while reaching out to him and kissing him on the cheek. Richie face burns a brighter red.

‘Yeah… glad to be of service.’ His mind is ball parks away, and he is left dazed.

‘Come on Y/N, it’s time for you to blow out the candles.’

You go easily, letting your hand linger around Richie’s, deciding mentally that you’ll do it tonight before you go home. Your birthday has already been better than anything you could have imagined, and maybe it has one more miracle left to give. If Richie says yes to your question about going on a date, then this will truly have been the best birthday you have every had. By the love struck expression Richie is walking around with, you have an inkling as to what his response might be.

You blow out your candles, but you don’t need to make a wish. You already have everything you could possibly want.

----

‘Off course that asshole buys her a gift, but never returns the money I loaned him so long ago. I’m not a fucking bank.’

‘I think it’s cute.’

‘No, Eddie is right, I’m also waiting on my refund.’

‘It’s adorable he bought her something, he really can’t hide his crush anymore.’

[caravaggiosbrushes]

2020 fanfics in review

I was tagged (84 years ago) by @veganthranduil and @fighting-naturalist whose writings I both LOVE a lot lot, so thank you!

fics written this year:

(writing this i noticed my 2020′s fics tell a lot about my life during this year, wow)

-Time has brought your heart to me. (4 volte in cui non sono riusciti a restare insieme; 1 volta in cui ce l’hanno fatta), published in March - okay this is crazy because back at the beginning of this year I was still writing exclusively in Italian. And I was only writing gradence. I’m pretty proud of this one still, it’s been commissioned by a dear artist I love, she asked for a Soulmate and reincarnation AU and I went wild with it (it’s almost 25k oh god)

- bridge pose,  5th June - MY FIRST FITZIER!!!! Kicking in with a modern AU, short and silly, with smitten Francis and kinda genderqeer james. Aka what still is my brand today lol

- THE TERROR TWITTER AU (or: The Idiot I Work With.),  21st July - I love this one so much. It’s literally a text fic. Fitzier once again, but with LOTS of characters. I had so much fun writing this and I still have my friends’ texts saved while they were reading it bc they’re hilarious 

- “it’s actually cake.” - fitzier written for the first fandom even i ever took part in! & for JFJ’s bday. I still like it very much.

- And the days will become endless and never, and never turn to night - fitzier, published the first day of August. This is one of my favourite fics I’ve written this year, because I wrote it trying to deal with what was happening to me. I lost my hearing on my left ear in July, all of a sudden, a few days after I’ve been told I would have had to have a head surgery. I’ve never felt as bad as this year, this summer especially, and writing usually helps me understanding what’s happening to me, so I wrote this. 12 days after this, I was rushed at the hospital, bc my situation was critical. I remember reading people’s comments on this fic during my first days there :’)

- meriggiar pallido e assorto, fitzier again for another fandom event. I wrote this when I got home from the hospital, bc I missed feeling “normal”, having normal worries. & I mostly wrote this bc I found out JFJ spoke a little bit of italian. That’s it.

- found a place to rest my head (never let me go, never let me go) .- fitzier, still for the Terror_exe fandom event. My first explicit smut!! A success, I still love this very much. FINGERS SUCKING [ elmo gif ]

- beauty is truth, truth beauty - fitzier, and my first time exploring James’ gender identity! Also my first dress fic! Love this very very much. Great smut too, you go, past!me.

- SWIPE RIGHT (or: THE TINDER AU) - this is: a fitzier & my longest fic ever & the fic i’m most proud of this year! & my Fitzier Exchange fic! I’ve loved writing it, I had so much fun and I fell in love with this AU in the process. I have a following part in my WIPs!!

- dannate cose che mi piacciono (fai di me quel che vuoi, fallo davvero) - MY FIRST FITZCONTE!! I wrote it for a tumblr ask and loved it. I have big plans for more fitzcontes eheh

- tumblr terror ficlets collection ♡ - fitzier, fitzconte and one (1) joplittle (for now). 13 short fics for now, I’m loving writing them so thank you if you’ve ever asked for a fic!

what’s coming in 2021:

Ok I have too many WIPs but what I want to write for sure is: - I want to take part in the Big Bang!!! With a fitzier, and I have a couple of ideas for that - filling all the other prompts I have here (a joplittle and a few fitzier) - finish my Bingo card! - write part 2 of the Tinder AU - take part in the rare pair week!!! I have one idea i will do for sure, and then a couple of other ideas (gore/jfj or dundy/gore idk) - and in general: keep on writing fitzier, write more fitzconte! 

how you grew as a writer this year:

- Man, I started writing in English!!! Which is such a huge deal to me and I’m endlessly proud of it, even with all my typos and mistakes.  - I think this is the year I wrote and published more fics, ever. And I’m proud of every single one of them - I took part in fandom exchanges and challenges which? is something I’ve always admired and seen in other fandoms, but never in mine before now, and I was SO JEALOUS because I wanted to do it too! and now i can! I love you @ people in the terror fandom who set up these events.

most surprising fic you wrote this year:

It’s probably And the days will become endless and never, and never turn to night, because I never write angst for angst’s sake. I never even read it, because I feel too bad lol. But I needed this.

takeaways from reflecting on your kick-ass writing, or kick-ass lack of writing, during a year more focused on survival than perhaps any other:

I’m just so happy of what I’ve done, BUT I’m also incredibly happy to be in a fandom where everyone is so active and encouraging with each other- it really pushed me to write more and more. emotional moment here.

probably everyone has already been tagged at this point, but just in case I tag @i-am-a-hog and @tombowline!

[robinrunsfiction]

A Little Less Sixteen Candles...

Pairing: Patrick Stump x Female Reader Rating: General Requested By: None Word Count: ~1,700 Author’s Note: So if you follow me on main, you know I’ve been a big whiny baby lately and so I decided to do my typical thing and turn it into a story

You were awakened by the sound of your phone ringing. Bleary eyed, you answered it without looking. “Hello?”

“Happy birthday dear!” You heard your mom cheer from the other end.

“Thanks,” you mutter before rolling over and looking at the clock. “Wait, Mom, it’s 5 AM, why couldn’t you have waited?” You asked sitting up further.

“It is? Honey, its 5 AM there, I thought you said it would be later?” You heard your Mom ask your Dad.

“No, I said to call her later,” you heard him reply. Your parents had retired and were traveling around the world but could never seem to grasp what time it was back home. You groaned and tried to get their attention.

“Hey, hey… guys… parents… hey!” You were practically shouting into your phone.

“Ok, well sorry to wake you, we’ll let you go back to sleep. Enjoy your day!” You mom said before hanging up. There was no way you were going back to sleep now, so apparently you were starting your birthday earlier than expected.

~

You walked into the office, sleep deprived and groggy. You could already hear a commotion and your heart skipped a beat, wondering if your coworkers remembered your birthday and had done something for you. Or maybe you had been sent flowers and they were admiring them. Then you noticed they were surrounding your coworker Gloria’s cubicle.

“Congrats sweetie!”

“Absolutely gorgeous!”

“He’s such a catch!”

Then you saw it. The ring on her finger was humongous and the sparkle was almost blinding.

“Oh, Mark proposed? Congratulations,” you said politely.

“Oh, (YN), did you just get here? You have to hear this whole story!” Another coworker said.

“Ok, ok, I’ll tell it again,” Gloria gushed. It didn’t take her too much encouragement to be the center of attention. She started in on her story about how her now husband-to-be took her out for their anniversary the night before. They went to the most expensive restaurant in town, then a horse-drawn carriage ride through the park where he later proposed.

You continued to smile politely as you listened. “Well, it sounds like the perfect night for you.”

“It really was,” Gloria gushed.

You continued on to drop off the box of donuts you brought in at the break room.

“Did you bring in treats for Gloria? That’s so nice of you!” One of the guys from the IT department asked.

“No, it’s my birthday!” you snapped back. A wave of embarrassment washed over you immediately after your outburst.

“Oh, sorry, happy birthday. I’m just gonna grab a glazed.” He said reaching past you carefully for a donut. He looked at you a little nervously as he hurried away. You went back to your desk to send out an email alerting everyone to the treats.

As the morning passed, you kept turning around expectantly as one of the administrative assistants brought bouquet after bouquet of flowers back to Gloria’s desk. A few people who walked by your desk wished you a happy birthday, but it always was a stop on the tour to see Gloria and her giant ring, the story of the engagement filling the department over and over again. You tried to turn your headphones up to block it out.

“(YN), are you coming along?” Your coworker Jenny asked.

You turned around, pulling out your headphones. “Sorry, what?”

“We’re gonna have a celebration lunch for Gloria, wanna come along?”

“Oh, umm, I have a lot to do, but you guys have fun.”

“Ok then,” she replied as she started to walk away, before turning back. “(YN), are you ok?”

“Yea, no, I’m fine.”

She nodded before walking away. You dug your phone out of your purse and saw you had a text from your closest friend Christine.

From Christine: Happy birthday boo! Hope you have an amazing day!

To Christine: Actually it sucks. No one seems to have remembered at all & my coworker got engaged so that’s all anyone cares about. Can you just like move back here so we could do something fun tonight??

From Christine: I’m sorry 😟 Wait I have an idea

To Christine: Plane ticket?

From Christine: NO, call Patrick

To Christine: Isn’t it weird to be like, “hey, we’ve gone out a couple dates now, wanna go out tonight? btw its my bday so pressure’s on, make it good!”

From Christine: I wouldn’t have set you up if I didn’t think he’d be a good guy for you. Just ask him if he wants to hang out

To Christine: Uuuuuugghhhhhh I want to but I’m just in such a shitty mood, I don’t want him to think im a whiny brat

From Christine: But you are kinda being one… Said with love of course

To Christine: K thanks for the dragging, I gotta get back to work

~

On your drive home, you finally had peace and quiet with which to think. You were jealous of Gloria. Not that she had gotten the engaged, that wasn’t something you were concerned with at the moment, and the way her fiancée did it was way over the top, which you heard described at least 2 dozen times that day, certainly wasn’t your style. You were jealous of all the attention she was getting because you thought you would at least get a small portion of it since it was your birthday. You felt sad, forgotten and unimportant.

When you got home, you opened the Facebook app on your phone. A couple birthday greetings from miscellaneous relatives, but that was it. ‘No one uses Facebook anymore’ you reasoned, trying to push back the feeling that no one cared about you on your special day. You scanned Instagram, Twitter; no shout outs, no posts dedicated to you like you sometimes saw on those platforms. You felt like you had been punched in the gut. Everyone forgot about your birthday.

“Now I know how Molly Ringwald felt,” you muttered as you laid down on the couch and turned on the TV, scrolling through the channels, looking for something to distract you. A few minutes of wallowing later, there was a knock at your door. You answered without checking first and were surprised to find Patrick standing at the other side.

“Patrick, what are you doing here?”

“I heard it was your birthday. I asked Christine if she knew if you had any plans, and she said you didn’t and you were having a bad day, so,” he held up a bouquet of bright flowers and a package of cupcakes.

“You did this for me?” you said looking at the flowers. “Christine didn’t put you up to this, did she?”

Patrick shook his head. “Nope, just told me that you’re free and having a hard day.”

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, so you quickly turned to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase.

“Yea, my birthday was kinda overlooked because of someone else at work,” you sniffled. “But saying that out loud makes me feel kinda stupid,” you said putting the flowers on your table.

“Don’t feel bad, it’s understandable,” Patrick said sympathetically.

“I’m sorry, you’re being so nice and I’m being a terrible host. Do you want something to drink?”

“You’re fine,” he replied with a kind smile. “What do you have?”

“I have, umm,” you looked in your fridge and cabinets. “Water, coffee, tea, and hot chocolate.”

“I haven’t had hot chocolate in years!”

“Ok then,” you set to work heating up some water and Patrick unpacked the cupcakes onto a plate.

“Want to watch a movie, or listen to music?”

“Whatever you want,” you replied coming out to the living room with the hot chocolate where Patrick was waiting with the cupcakes.

“Come on (YN), it’s your day, you pick.”

You groaned as you sank down onto the couch. “Can I just have a hug?”

Patrick opened his arms wide and you wrapped your arms around him, resting your face against the crook of his neck. He held you close as the tears of frustration started to wet the collar of his shirt.

“Hey, it’s ok,” he murmured while rubbing your back. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were having a bad birthday until late. I really just want you to have a good day.”

You pulled back and wiped your eyes. “Thank you, Patrick. You being here really makes everything better. I just feel dumb for even caring this much. ”

“Don’t feel dumb. (YN), listen, I know we’ve gone out only a couple of times, but I really like you. You deserve the world,” Patrick said emphatically as he brushed away a tear from your cheek. “I was gonna ask this the next time we went out, but no time like the present. Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked with puppy dog eyes from behind his glasses.

You couldn’t help by smile. “Really? Even after I wrecked the collar of your shirt with my makeup?” You said with a soft laugh as you reaching up to touch the spots your mascara left.

“I couldn’t care less about the shirt, I care about you, (YN).”

“I care about you too,” you replied. “I’d love to be your girlfriend,” you grinned.

He reached out and gently cupped your cheek, pulling you to him in a soft kiss. The warmth and kindness spread throughout you and made everything feel right.

“Let’s get to that cocoa before it gets cold,” Patrick said when you broke the kiss. You giggled and grabbed a cupcake before thinking of something you needed to do.

To Christine: Thanks for the best present ever

From Christine: What’s that?

To Christine: A new boyfriend 💖

From Christine: WAIT WHAT?! Did he come over? I just told him he should text you bc your birthday was a major disappointment

To Christine I’ll fill you in later 😁

You tossed your phone aside as you settled in under Patrick’s arm.

“How bout a movie?” he said flipping channels.

“Is Sixteen Candles on Netflix?”

Masterlist

[squishysvt]

Camping with Jeno

Member: Jeno (NCT)

A/N had to get how much i love this boi off my chest yes i’ve already written a spontaneous camping trip with johnny, shoot me -Admin Ay

Warnings: a bit of profanity, like always 

Originally planned the trip for your bday bc of an aesthetic pic of nature you retweeted on twitter 

WAS SUPPOSED to be a surprise but he told donghyuck and he couldn’t keep his mouth shut so you found out like 3 days earlier than you were supposed to

Which you were lowkey thankful about bc??? Who likes spontaneous camping trips? No one that’s sane and doesn’t like disasters

Anyway when he calls you to tell you about it on the weekend of youre birthday you feign ignorance to it all 

cause if you didn’t he would get all pouty (is that a word) and as cute as he is, you also don’t want him sulking the whole time 

and once he hangs up all giggly and satisfied you pull out all your pre-packed bags from your closet and wait for him to pick you up in the short amount of time he gave you until he dropped by to pick you up

HONESTLY how does he think 30 minutes is long enough for you to pack you can tell he’s never went camping before

once he gets to your house he won’t shut up about all the plans for you

“you’ll love it y/n we’ll go and hike a trail and look at nature and it will be SO beautiful okay trust me”

and then you both throw all your stuff into the car trunk and hop into the car

the whole time in the car you both spend your time belting out the lyrics to mcr songs??? 

jeno hadn’t ever came across as a fan of them so you were sorta shook when he started performing to “welcome to the black parade”

you would later find out it was all taeyong’s doing

okay so you get to the campsite right

and it’s really not deep in the woods like you were thinking?

it’s just a few acres of trees there is LITERALLY a walmart 2 miles away and trailer park a few meters across from your site okay

you both decide to put up the tent first before doing anything else and you swear it took an hour to do because, as said before jeno has no experience and he was adamant on being the one to do all the work

“hey jeno let me do it i’ve done this before”

“nO IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY I REFUSE TO LET YOU LIFT A FINGER”

instead you just socialize with some of your neighbors a few yards apart with a half eaten chip bag that you stole from jeno’s back seat

they were stale but you were hungry so whatever

there was this 80 yr old lady camping with her husband and honestly she was such a bad ass okay she told you a lot of survival tips 

you didn’t remember any of them but it was still fun!

anyway when jeno finishes he calls you back over to start your little trail hike

it was really refreshing with all the change in scenery 

the sun peaked over the trees and you heard several species of birds chirping out of vision

there was this one mockingbird that kept copying jeno’s whistling

it was cute until the sun started setting and you could barely see anything

“JENO THAT IS THE THIRD SPIDER WEB I’VE RUN INTO TODAY I SWEAR TO GOD I CAN FEEL SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME !”

“it’s fine y/n i don’t see anything on you”

jeno kept laughing until HE ran into one 

“okay jesus i want out”

“sEE”

“i don’t think we’re that far away from the exit anyway”

at this point you were this close to just hopping into jeno’s arms and letting him carry you the rest of the way 

something kept slithering around in the corner of your eye and you’d be damned if you got bit in the ankle by a snake on your birthday that wasn’t happening ok

you saw a sign marked “exit” and bolted from the place you were hiding behind jeno towards it

he took what felt like 5 years to join you outside the trail

now you were exhausted both emotionally and physically and wanted to chill by a warm fire since it had gotten a bit chilly

on your way back to the site jeno kept crawling his hands up and down your back and each time you felt like jumping out of your skin

“i swear to god i will feed you to a bear stop doing that”

jeno giggled and jogged up to the fire pit to start a (duh) fire

he would make sparks but not start an actual fIRE so you tried to do it instead but he refused and wanted to do it himself

“jeno lee hurry up i am cold if you can’t do it just say so”

“it’s fine just give me 5 more minutes”

“5 more minutes??? you said that 20 minutes ago. i’m getting debra”

“whomst is debra”

“the little old lady i was talking to earlier that would prob be better at this then you”

“i doubt it”

turns out debra WAS better at it

jeno kept sulking and you cooed at how cute he looked

“awww it’s okay come cuddle me next to the fire”

you didn’t have to convince him he practically zoomed to your side

commence clingy!jeno who would NOT move his head from it’s position on your shoulder.

and honestly you had no problem with it

you had to struggle to keep your eyes open with how comfy you felt

the stars twinkled in the sky

and the moon stained your surroundings a cool blue

while the fire’s reflection glowed in jeno’s eyes as he mumbled about something that happened to him the day before to fill the silence of the night

you would say it was a pretty nice way to celebrate your birthday

[angelicspaceprince]

Rant timmme

So I’ve blocked the person this is about bc they sometimes splurg on my Tumblr page and knowing me, thisd be the day that they do that.

Basically, a friend of mine from high school and I are…idk if its a falling out or if its subtle hints they dont want to know me or what. But, here is a rant dedicated to them.

So I met them in Grade 8, 9? We hit it off right away and I could talk to them about the stuff that was bothering me at the time. They were amazing and I respected their boundaries as much as they respected mine.

In Grade 9, when my mum was sick, I didnt have any friends in my class bc the school separated the three of us bc I was too distracting (the one person I did sit with was legally blind so I was helping them with stuff they needed help with, something her aide never bothered to do) and I pretty much isolated myself from everyone bc it felt like no one was on my side, especially all the teachers who failed to see my deteriorating interest and health to be anything but “its because shes fat”.

Anyway, I told this person that I was suicidal (I think I said that if God wont end my life soon, I’ll do it for him? Anyway it wasnt hinted, a went into my plan a little bit) and they brushed it off, saying that I was fine and when Mum was better I’d feel better.

Fast forward to Year 10. Still suicidal only no one was listening. Self harming now too. But thats not their responsibility.

What was their responsibility was not to become a Grade A bitch.

Throughout the year they ignored me, and caused my closet friend to burst into tears on multiple occasions. They refused to sit with us and would rarely talk to us. Another one of their friends was also suicidal and self harming, and they were taking it more seriously with them. Whenever I tried to organise something (catch up in town, meeting after school, etc) they’d always forget and either not show or show up so late and have to leave early so there was no real point in meeting up at all (I’d have to be in town at 830am agreeing to meet up at 930-10, and they’d show up post lunch and leave about an hr afterwards and I’d be stuck there until 6-7)

What really hurt was that for my 16th party, I had invited about 10 people to lunch. All but one forgot, and when I called this person they said oh I’m sorry, I forgot I’m at netball and then I’m going to other friends house. Raincheck?

So yeah. Pretty devo.

Then at our Grade 10 formal she refused to sit with us, take a photo with us, and caused my friend to, yet again, burst into tears. Two days later, we had an explosive argument and I cut contact.

When I came back from the UK (about maybe 6 months after this argument?) They wanted to catch up and I said fine.

Didnt say a word to me. Hugged literally everyone but me (they hated hugs all throughout high school and they didnt offer and when I asked for one they turned me down) and, surprise surprise, spent all the time talking to the same girl from high school.

(Side note: the other person is really sweet and I’m not shitting on them, more my friends behaviour when it came to interacting with literally anyone else but her)

So, we had a shakey online relationship forming, and when I organised a meet up in town the same things happened as they did in high school.

Fast foward to Grade 12, my 18th party. I had two, a dinner with family and friends and a day in town/sleep over with my mates (to make up for the dinner which scared the shit out of me). They forgot the dinner. They forgot the party (we called several times before I called her Mum and practically forced them out the door). Which is fine except it was my 18th, and they had done it for all bar one of my birthdays)

Then, when I came down from Melbourne I always asked if they wanted to meet up and they always forgot. That whole year was shit for a multitude of reasons, but their lack of support offline was one of the shittiest things that happened.

So, now we are in my first year of Uni. I pay for them to go to Melbourne with me (I paid accomm and I think tickets? Well i got free accomm anyway) and had planned for us to do a ton of stuff.

Didnt want to do any of it.

And just like when I went down from Melb, when I came down from where I am now, they’d always forget when we were catching up.

On top of that, I offered to let them stay at mine during a local con that happens once a year and they didnt tell me until I came down to grab them to walk them home that they found other accomm! And then didnt ask if I wanted to catch up post con or whatever.

Anyway. Last year they commissioned me to crochet them something, which I did. I finished it and we agreed that they’d pick it up at my 21st bday party.

Anyone see the trend?

They fucking forgot again. I sent the multiple messages during the lead up to the party and they still fucking forgot and then asked if I was in town the following day to drop off their blanket.

I was fucking livid. So I said no (which was the truth) and told them that I gave it to my parents for them (my friend) to organise with my parents to pick it up from their (my parents) work. (Fun fact: it still took them over six months to collect it and it was only after spamming them and threatening to sell it and then them running into dad that they did then collect it).

I also told them they needed to call me at their earliest convenience.

That was in July. Besides the messages about the blanket, I refused to message them until they called me. Which they haven’t.

I dont know I think I’ve never been an important person in their life? I mean, they forget everything and never take what I say seriously and I dont like making plans with them anymore bc I know they rarely remember. Am I being too dramatic? Or is it justified?

To be honest I’m terrified of never speaking to them again but my heart always gets broken when they forget me and even though they are super important to me, clearly I’m not important to them. And I feel incredibly shitty about that because idk…I feel like I’ve lost a lot over the past three years, especially in the friend department.

But yeah. No climax with this one, just a rant ended I suppose.

[steamishot]

Mid-November

Wow. It’s been an eventful past two weeks. I feel like I’m still on vacation mode because it’s almost Thanksgiving and then winter break a few weeks after that. Work has been at a steady pace – I have things to do so it’s not totally boring, but it’s not very busy to the point of being stressed out.

The day before Halloween, I came to work half day and then bounced. 10 hour red eye flight to London later, I arrived at noon. I waited for Matt who arrived an hour later from NY. He had just got a haircut, and they didn’t do him good ($5 NY Chinatown haircut), so he wasn’t as attractive when I first met him. He also gained weight from residency and the stress aged him. On my flight, I also got a swollen eyelid. I remember feeling pretty sad on the flight because I didn’t wanna look dumb with a swollen eyelid in my Europe photos lol. I felt it when I woke up from a nap, and immediately asked a flight attendant for some ice. The swelling did go down, but it lasted for another 2 days.

London was pretty fun. I had the impression that the UK has the worst food in the world (lol) but I was pleasantly surprised by the food we had! It could be that we just chose good restaurants (on the fancier/more expensive side). We reached a level of comfort where we farted a lot throughout the trip and pooped freely in front of each other. I was also surprised that our digestive systems were keeping up with all the eating we were doing. Not once did I feel constipated, as I felt in Asia after overeating. We were pooping like 3-4x a day I think lol. Because of the cold, my face started peeling after a few days too.

Before arriving to London, a small concern I had was being an “outsider” because of my American accent, but I think because London is a big multicultural city, I didn’t feel like I was different. I heard plenty of other people with American and non-British accents. I really liked their transportation system, the tube. It was smaller than any other subway I’ve been on. Instead of buying a pass, we were able to use our contactless credit cards as a substitute. It cost about $9.50 for unlimited tube usage per day, which is a bargain imo, given how efficient their system is. I also loved their style – dark and grungy, just like their weather. Their milk tea was surprisingly delicious too.

Amsterdam – our hotel was really nice. Architecture is beautiful. I can understand how my cousins who visited from France seemed unimpressed by LA – our city is not very aesthetically pleasing architecture wise. I ate a space cake and at first thought it was a tourist trap because I didn’t feel anything. But after an hour and a half, it finally hit me. I had a nice high and was giggly/happy.

Matt and I came back to LA, and it was his first time back in LA after 5 months. We spent 6 nights together in Europe, 2 nights in our respective homes, and then 3 nights at his place, 1 night in our respective homes, and the last night at his place. I joked to myself that LDR is like periods of neglect, then periods of smothering. I did feel annoyed with him during some points of our time together and I wasn’t used to the amount of time we had together – I craved for alone time after our trip. I learned that it’s best to just voice it instead of bottling it in, but it’s sometimes hard to when he’s a tired resident and you feel a little sorry for them. It took him like a week and half to return to his old, happy and relaxed self. Traveling isn’t quite relaxing because we’re always on the go. When he got back to LA, he was still extremely tired, and had feet pain from months of being on his feet for long hours without appropriate shoes.

I had 3 meals with his family (his dad is still in China) by his mom’s invitation – Saturday dimsum, Sunday Japanese lunch to celebrate cousin’s birthday, and Tuesday hot pot dinner. His mom also bought me a blouse. It was a coral color and too girly/not my style, and it looked a little cheap lol. It was a nice gesture, but I ended up giving it back to her because it didn’t fit. Matt will be coming back to LA for an interview in Palm Desert in a few weeks, and she was already planning what to cook. Tuesday was their family’s first time going to eat hot pot ever. Their dad is not a fan, and the two boys and mom never really cared for it either. Matt only started eating hot pot (my fav) after I introduced him to it. It made me happy when his 15 year old brother said- I always thought hot pot was not good until today. The whole family (and grandma) all enjoyed the dinner, and the mom said she’ll make hot pot at home (first time) the next time matt’s in town. She extended the invitation to me. By the third meal, I felt more comfortable being around them. Their family is much more academically inclined. His mom and cousin were talking to me about Chinese proverbs and history.

I also met all his close friends on Saturday night. I was intimidated at first, but once I was in the space I was pretty comfortable and was able to talk to them easily (alcohol helped). Another friend brought his white girlfriend out, and it was everyone’s first time meeting her too. I looked through his group chat the next day, because I was curious if they said anything about me lol, and one guy said “Just wanted to say, your gf is very kind. Considerate. Same thing” which got lost in the chat because they’re not very responsive to people’s texts. The next morning I got breakfast with another one of his friends and someone from the night before.

With my past partners (D & J) where I’ve met family/friends, I was never too crazy about the idea. It could be that I’m more social now, an age thing, or that Matt’s friends and family are the type that I mesh well with – but I had a great time with them. They’re lowkey, smart, into yoga, and clean eating (and they’re older, so they’re over the partying phase). Definitely nicer than David’s ratchet friends. I’m thinking about what to gift Matt’s mom for treating me well when I see her next. Feels like I have a mother in law lol.

Another cute thing we did was a “family day”. Months ago, Matt talked about wanting to do a family day like all go to Disneyland together. His mom brought up Venice canals and we ended up going there – mom, grandma, brother, and two cousins after the cousin’s bday lunch. His family’s not really the type to go out and do things together as everyone’s quite busy and they don’t value family time/just hanging out very much. We got a really cute group photo and the mom was in our faces one time taking a photo of us lol. Matt ended up sending the group photo to his dad in China. After all this time with family and friends, I felt integrated. I have a better idea of what my sister in law feels when she hangs out with us. The dynamics do change.

Eating with their family, I thought “man, big and tall boys must be expensive to raise because they just eat so much”.  It was nice to see him interact with his mom and being excited over food. At the restaurant he would ask her “mom can we order this?” like a little boy would, and the two boys (even though both are ~6 ft tall) seemed like little innocent boys to me. The mom also commented that the brother’s new haircut is nice because it makes him look like a teenager. Instead of his past haircut that made him look in his 20s. I always thought the whole looking older than you are was more of an issue with teenage girls, so it was interesting hearing that about a boy. They also walk around in their underwear at home. His mom commented that he needs to watch his weight LOL and told me to help him because he doesn’t listen to her.

On veterans day, we had a relaxing day – pho for breakfast, walk at a park, couples massage (amazing massage for cheap, but uncomfortable at times because I had just eaten), hot yoga at a bougie studio that his friend goes to. By Tuesday night, he returned back to happy and relaxed Matt. He looked younger, happier, his eye bags were gone, he was more attractive also bc he got his hair fixed, and he was more present.

Matt’s mom dropped him off at union station the day he flew out, and she gave him a full frontal hug for the first time. I asked, what’d you do? And he said he gave her a full hug too. In the past, it was like no hug, then side hug. First time full frontal hug.

Now I’m barely settling in and getting into the swing of things. Have to clean up my room/house. Things to look forward to:

Girls night – DIY pizza

Hiking

Simple Plan concert

Thanksgiving/ Friendsgiving potluck

Black Friday shopping - clothes/mattress

Matt coming back for a weekend

NY/Washington DC, Philly