#i’ve lost all motivation for college

[starrsbby]

it’s 12:43am and i haven’t written a single word for this paper that has to be five pages and turned in by 10am…. will she do it… who knows

[moneymartin]

・❥・- just for you.

summary: kate takes her anger out on you after a hard loss. (more gentle tho cause she doesn’t have the heart to hurt you 😞😞😞) + lil bit of aftercare at the end ;3

warnings: 18+ ASFUCK! SMUT MDNI! strap on use… lol

RPF!

a/n: ik i been lacking recently but i’ve grown some more motivation to do something since i’m kinda stuck at home. also almost broke my arm yesterday hahah 🥸 also not much dialogue tbh i’ve never been good at that cuz i dont talk to ppl 😭 AND i didn’t know how to end sozzzzzz!!!!

it was the toughest lost of kate’s college career, especially considering the fact that it was her last year at UOI. the only thing she wanted was to have the championship title, just once. but the team couldn’t do it.

you saw her put all her blood sweat and tears onto that court. the way she tried to make as many shots, as many blocks as she could, and as many fouls as she could draw. the way you watched her cry while she walked into the tunnel absolutely broke you.

when she got home the air between you two grew extremely thick. you couldn’t tell if she was angry or even over it at all. she wasn’t crying, just real quiet. and being the good girlfriend you were, you didn’t bother to push any of her buttons, no matter how much you wanted to just keep her company.

kate would either be sitting on the couch, on her phone, continuously walking around the apartment, sitting in random spots on the floor, in the kitchen. she’d be anywhere and everywhere. all she wanted to do was get her mind off of it, for a little bit.

“are you okay?” you speak amidst the quiet environment that had been lingering for god knows how many hours. you didn’t try to speak either because it felt like she’d just ignore you or give you a nasty look cause she wasn’t feeling so good about it. “i’m fine.” kate murmurs and looks up at you from the clasped hands on her face. the tone she gives you makes it known that she isn’t.

“yeah, right.” a scoff leaves from your lips and the mood changes almost immediately. your eyes dart towards kate and the look that she’s giving you makes it feel like a million daggers are being dug into your back. her face stiffens up and so does your body when you realize that she’s 100% angry.

you know that it isn’t your fault, but now it really feels like it was. “do you think that’s funny or something?” when you hear that, it’s obvious that you’ve fucked up. you can’t muster up anything in response cause you know that it’ll make it worse. not for her, but for you.

but there’s just something about kate that drives you insane when she’s fired up.

“no.” you swallow.

“exactly! don’t fuckin’ go around and laugh about it, if it isn’t funny! are we clear?”

she grunts and lets out a heavy breath when you stand there all quiet and unresponsive. she hates that. its the one thing that makes kate tick the most, other than losing a game that important to her. “answer me.”

you don’t respond. and the look of anger on kate’s face grows much more apparent. “c’mon!” she groans and quickly slides off of the bed. her fingers grip at the collar of your shirt, her rapid breaths brushing harshly against your face.

she tugs your body up against hers and a small whine escapes from in between your lips. kate is giving those eyes that make you shiver all over the place. “y- yes, we’re clear…” you choke out and look away. you can’t stand seeing her angry but its also the fact that it turns you on too.

your voice makes it seem like you aren’t very sincere about saying that though, and that makes her tick even more. kate’s teeth grit together and a sharp breath makes its way through them, her fingers inching closer towards the waistband of your jeans.

“yeah? you sure?” kate teases and starts to unbutton them. her voice deepens and the cold air that meets your now exposed skin makes the shivers feel more like a billion daggers going through your body. her hands cup your waist, a newfound lust taking over the look in kate’s eyes. “doesn’t seem so sincere…” she husks out.

“i mean it! god, you can’t believe me even when i mean it the most.” you sigh and stare at the jeans puddling around your feet. when you bend over to pick them back up and put them on again, kate’s fingers wrap around your sleeve and she pulls you up, drawing a quiet ‘tsk’ sound from your mouth. “just… let me fuck your brains out until i get you to really mean it.”

she tugs you up against her again, her front subtly grinding against yours. and now you can actually feel it. her stupid fucking strap. your eyes dart towards hers momentarily before they inch away. the embarrassment you feel is incredibly strong. you’re wet, and now you can’t even look her in the eyes.

before you even get a chance to speak, kate’s hand falls on the dip of your back and you’re face first into the foot of the mattress. the side of your head presses against it again to get a breather, the sound of kate unzipping her jeans rapidly, and the tip of the strap making contact with your body.

one of her hands grabs both of yours and pins them backwards, the other hand trailing up and down your body and towards the waistband of your panties. in one swift movement, they’re off and on the floor. you have no clue where, but they’re somewhere in that room. as much as you’re trying to resist, you can’t

“c’mon, baby. don’t fight it, please.” kate pleads and leans over your body to bury her face into your neck. her teeth dig into the side of it and you let out a wince, struggling to move your hands while she keeps them in a lock. kate’s breath tickles at your skin while she pulls away, the hand she has on your waist moving away to line herself up with your entrance.

she doesn’t even give you a warning before she slides in. the only thing that makes it known that you’re getting absolutely filled up is the groan kate lets out when she goes in all the way. you let out a huge whimper and eventually start to feel it. “fuck!… oh my god.” you babble and feel kate leaning toward your face again, her breathing hitting your skin, leaving behind dark marks on the base of your neck.

the more you moan and whine into the sheets, the more it fuels her to keep going. she thrusts into you as hard as she can, her hand letting go of the two she’s been holding, and yanks at your hair to pull your head up. “you fuckin’ feel that, baby? that’s all for you.” kate grunts, smashing her lips against yours and pulling your hair again. “just for you..” a hurried ‘mhm’ escapes your lips, your voice left limited.

your whimpers mix into the kiss as you constantly punch at the bed the harder she drives into you. her teeth tug at your bottom lip and your head moves away the more you feel yourself start to sweat uncontrollably. hair sticks to the side of your head and to your forehead, kate gently brushing them out of your face to keep that prolonged eye contact.

“you’re so beautiful, i swear.”

“hmphh—! you’re going too-“

you get cut off the second you feel the turns in your stomach and the blood rush to your face. that familiar feeling burns brightly in your belly and the knot that had been there forever finally becomes undone. you end up finishing, the overwhelming sensation dying down almost instantly.

kate rolls off of you and notices the water buildup in your eyes, her thumbs running across the bottom of them to wipe them away. she lets out a small sigh and scoots a little bit closer to you, eyeing down the hickeys she left on your skin. “i’m sorry, baby.” she whispers softly and cups your face with her palms.

her lips connect onto your neck and she peppers gentle kisses all over each hickey. the contrast from her rough nature to eventually turning into that natural soft, sweet woman you fell in love with the second she sees you like this. “let me fix you a warm bath, okay? for the troubles.” she whispers in between smooches, her hand snaking up your shirt, and her nails dragging softly against your back.

“duh. you know just how i like it.”

“why would i not.” she lets out a scoff and pulls away quickly, a small smile crossing her face when you agree. “was that a scoff?” you mutter and raise your eyebrows. hers do too, and her lips narrow into a straight line. “what about it?”

well, that was the small thing that got you here in the first place.

[misctf]

‘Aren’t personal trainers supposed to be buff?’ Joe thought as he followed behind Richey, ‘Or at least work out a little?’ He wondered as he looked over at the short, skinny blond guy leading him through the gym.

“So we’ll start with some basic stuff just to get an idea where you’re at.” Richey’s high voice caused Joe to wince, “But before we start, I like to know what motivates my What really drives you.” Richey turned and stared deeply into Joe’s eyes.

“Well uh...” Joe averted his gaze slightly, taken aback by the intensity of the stare, “I want to get in better shape.” He chuckled a bit, “I just graduated college and was on the swim team, but two years of working and drinking kinda caught up to me. It’s tough man, ya know?” He adjusted his loose shirt a bit, which hid the slight pudge that covered his abs, “I’ve tried to get back into it but I don’t know...”

Richey nodded, “I definitely don’t think you’re in bad shape.” He winked and Joe couldn’t help but smirk. Was he really getting hit on by his personal trainer? Ashley would get a good laugh at that, “But I can respect that. So you lost your drive. Gave into some unhealthy habits.” Richey clapped his hands together, “Well you came to the right place! I know how to help all my clients reach their goals through both body and mind!” Richey led Joe into a different part of the gym, a private room with a cabinet, free weights, a bench press, and a squat rack.

“From what I’ve heard, if there’s anyone who could its you.” Joe replied, taking in his surroundings, “I’ve heard great things from all the reviews.” Richey smirked as he walked to the cabinet and began to rustle through the contents. Joe raised an eyebrow, “So uh, what’re you looking for?”

“Ah there it is!” Richey said with a grin, turning to face Joe, holding a few candles, “I know this is unorthodox, but I believe creating a peaceful environment while working out is key.” Richey said, placing candles around the workout room and lighting them, “Go on, let’s start with a basic bench press.”

Joe nodded and scrunched his nose at the smell of the candles. He could smell a hint of pine, tobacco, and leather. And it smelled pretty good.

‘Unorthodox, but okay.’ Joe thought, as he sat at the bench and got ready to start his set.

Richey stood above to spot, “Okay now you know the drill, just up and down. We’ll start with a light weight, okay?” Joe nodded and started just as Richey instructed. Up and down. Barely difficult, “You’re doing so well.” Richey cooed, “Remember, deep breaths.” Joe continued, taking in deep breaths, the smell from the candles entering his nostrils, “Wow look at those. What nice pecs you have.” Richey said, grinning down at Joe.

“Uh thanks man?” Joe replied, finishing his set and sitting up, “Appreciate the comment, but just want you to know, I’m not gay.”

Richey chuckled, “Of course, of course!” He held up his hands defensively, “Sorry, I can’t help but admire my work.” Joe raised an eyebrow but before he could say anything, Richey cut him off, “Okay I think we’ve done enough with the bench. Let’s focus on your biceps.”

Joe nodded. It felt odd to move so quickly to the next exercise but his chest felt sore. He chuckled- he must’ve really been out of shape. As he walked over and grabbed some dumbbells for curls, he noticed Richey lighting a few more candles. Again, the smell of pine, leather, and cigar smoke intensified in the room.

“Just some basic curls and transition to shoulder press.” Richey instructed. Joe did just that, curling the dumbbells with ease, a grin forming on his face.

‘Fuck this feels really good.’ He thought, observing himself in the gym mirror, ‘Huh I thought I shaved today.’ Joe could see some stubble across his face. But before he could think more of it, Richey walked over and gave his biceps a squeeze.

“Very good, drop the weights. I think you’ve done enough for now.”

“Hey man, don’t touch...” But Joe stopped before he could finish. As he looked at Richey, his wide blue eyes, tan skin, and cropped blond hair, he felt an odd infatuation for the cute man, “Uh never mind dude.” His voice sounded a little hoarse and he cleared his throat, “Hey its getting a bit hot in here, mind if I lose the shirt?”

Richey smiled, “Oh please do.”

Joe smirked and pulled off his shirt, revealing a pair of nicely sculpted pecs and bulging arms and shoulders. He looked over at himself in the mirror, catching a glimpse of his improved physique.

“Wait...” Joe said aloud, trying to process his bulging muscles, “That’s not...”

“Let’s get you doing some crunches.” Richey interrupted, “I’ll support your feet, okay?”

Joe was about to interject, but he caught another whiff of the candles and simply nodded. He got to the ground, placing his arms behind his head and began his set of crunches. And with each crunch, the slight pudge that covered his abs seemed to reduce until a perfect set of abdominals graced his features.

“I’m very impressed.” Richey commented, “When I saw your application I was a little worried about you.”

“Yeah? Why’s tHAt?” Joe’s voice cracked as he did another crunch.

“Well men of your age tend to have less exercise capacity.”

Joe chuckled, “I’m only 45.” His eyes widened... why’d he say that? He was 24! He cleared his throat, “I’m 45.” His voice sounded deeper, more gruff.

“Oh exactly. But I think the extra years add maturity. Less excuses, more personal discipline.” Richey replied, “You know how to make a routine and actually follow through.”

And as Joe came up from another crunch, Richey leaned forward and gave the man a kiss on the lips. Joe’s eyes widened and he quickly stood up, glaring at Richey. He wanted to chastise him, to scold him. But the kiss felt kind of nice. And the way the young personal trainer looked... with those blue eyes and fat ass. Joe didn’t know what to say, so he quickly darted toward the bathroom, mumbling that he needed some water. Richey smirked and watched as Joe’s blond locks fell from his head and hair sprouted from his face and chest. He was turning out nicely, but Richey wasn’t done. He grabbed a candle and approached the bathroom.  

When Joe finally got to the bathroom, he ran to the mirror with wide eyes. Staring back at him was an older man- buff as hell but certainly not him. His hands quickly darted to feel his new body, silently confirming it was indeed very real. And when he heard the door shut open and close behind him, he jumped.

“Oh daddy, don’t worry.” Richey cooed, placing the candle down and removing his shirt. Joe watched as the slender twink sauntered up to him. Richey smirked and placed a hand on Joe’s hairy pec, causing the older man to shudder, “You’re soooo perfect.”

“No... this isn’t right.” Joe whispered, feeling blood rush to his cock, “Get away from me.” The smell of the candle made his head spin.

“It’s okay now daddy.” Richey moaned, rubbing his hand across Joe’s pec and abs, and then down his pants, “Mind and body. That’s my mantra.”

Joe moaned as Richey grabbed his fat cock and began to pump it, slowly increasing the speed. Before he could finish though, Joe suddenly pushed Richey against the wall, breathing heavily and looking down at the smaller man. For a brief second, nothing was said before Joe crushed his lips against Richey’s, the two passionately making out. As they made out, Richey removed Joe’s pants and slowly knelt to the ground. He smirked up at Joe before wrapping his lips around the older man’s cock.

“Fuck!” Joe moaned as Richey continued. He couldn’t believe how good this felt. He’d never had a better blowjob. Not even from his... girlfriend? Joe’s head started to hurt as his prior memories came rushing forward, trying to encourage him to resist. To push Richey off of him and escape. But before he could gather the energy to do so, he felt Richey begin to suck more vigorously. And before he could stop it, he came. And with it, Joe felt his desire for his former life fade away until it disappeared. All he wanted now was to be here, with Richey.

“How’re you feeling daddy?” Richey asked, wiping his mouth, “You happy with the results?”

Joe looked over in the mirror, flexing his biceps, “You bet your ass, boy.” He replied, turning back to Richey, “So when’s our next session?”

[throwaway-yandere]

ERROR 410: GONE (Yandere Faceless!Kamisato Ayato/Reader)

A/n: thank you for the 5 dollar tip, "anonymous"! I asked them for what they want in exchange and they asked for a fac█le██ ayato fic... Alright then... You did ask for it...

Unreliable synopsis: Your new coworker doesn't seem to be from around here...

It was a cramped night at the bus stop. Except for the elderly, many people had their phones out since it was nearly midnight and nobody had the stamina to engage in conversation. You recently got promoted as a district manager for an international company, and oh, the work is just too exhausting to drone about. However, in this station, it didn't matter if you were an energetic student or an employee. The bus is abnormally later than their usual "lateness", and such a redundant statement elucidates just how shoddy their schedule is. Everyone was simultaneously stressed and drained and each of their war faces screamed that they would selfishly fight for the seat ride home.

All except for one man.

From the moment he arrived, you were peering at him. He had a similar appearance to the character you were "maining" in the video game you were enamored with for approximately two years. Though you seriously doubt he was in cosplay, he and that favorite of yours look eerily identical. His long-sleeved black coat and simple white turtleneck blend in with modern fashion fairly, save for his elaborate light blue hair, which was organically unkempt and not at all synthetic. His keen eyes led you to believe that he is from an Eastern lineage, most likely Japanese, but you didn't want to make any unfounded assumptions. Because it's simply impossible for someone to cosplay at this time, you were left silently marveling at the incredible coincidence.

He muttered something to himself, but you did not hear it.

“11:56 PM.”

You had a smidgen of knowledge regarding the bus schedule enough to give yourself a pep talk in the hopes that it would motivate you to give him directions. But no amount of psyching yourself up could have prepared you for when another person walked up to him. She asked the question you had been meaning to ask for the past three minutes, assuming she was a college student. He grinned at the worried girl. 

He was stunningly gorgeous when he smiled.

Wholly unfair how he exudes an aura of elegance whilst wearing normal clothes while you look like a sloppy burrito wrapped by a beige shawl this dead of night.

“Oh, no, no. I am not at all lost. I’m simply looking for someone.”

Everyone was fairly sure that person would never arrive, but he stayed roving around the room, pacing back and forth as if the person he was looking for will arrive the next minute. Whoever it was, you were starting to get angry on his behalf. Who would leave such an attractive man waiting? It was improper. 

But to be honest, you have already admitted to yourself that your life is quite dull— so you’re aware that this nonsensical drama you had over this imaginary person stemmed from boredom.

Out of the blue, he fixed his gaze on you.

The stranger’s eyes softened. The simmering panic in his expression vanished in an instant the moment he saw your face, and his mouth gaped open for a short while before he sauntered forward, ignoring the student who awkwardly shuffled back to her waiting spot.

You immediately felt small, upright, and astoundingly nervous. Not ready to be accosted by anyone at all.

“There you are…” He gave you that smile again. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Mx. (Y/n).”

You scanned the area before jabbing your finger at your chest. He nodded as if you were being ridiculous to consider that it may be someone else.

Ah, so the lookalike was waiting for you. 

You were mentally fighting yourself.

“I’m ███████ █████,” he said in a gentle tone— not at all reflecting the stressed out look he sported a moment before. “— The new product manager. I’m an incredibly recent hire, so please do not feel bad for not recognizing my face.”

That wasn’t the reason why your eyebrows were knitted, though. It’s because you DO recognize his face, but you doubt he’d take you for a reasonable person should you start pointing out his physical similarities with a fictional character.

███████ █████, huh? His full name is a bit average-sounding. Sounds like something you may have read on an early 2000s Weaboo forum on "What would your Japanese name be?" which lists down dates, birth months, and the first letter of a person's first name. However, it wasn’t entirely unbelievable— you just chalked him up as an unfortunate kid whose parents were eager to give their son the name "John Doe" when given the chance.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mister █████.”

“P-Please,” he shook his head. “Let’s drop the formalities. We shall work alongside together officially tomorrow. I would like for us to talk more casually if you would not mind.”

His vocabulary was painfully filled with constrictive pleasantries for someone who seemed to be eager to have a casually cordial relationship with you. Since a product manager and a district manager have roughly equal levels of authority in your company, his desire for friendship isn't too shocking.

Yet, you can’t help but stare… It’s still so strange how he also has a mole right underneath his lip.

He looks just like Kamisato Ayato from Genshin Impact, but not for long.

At first, you envied █████’s youthful glow and wanted it for yourself, but upon learning that he will replace Mister Blaiddyd, you mentally prayed that he wouldn’t lose his mind from stress like his predecessor. That’s how stressful being a product manager is. Give him two months and he’d probably start ruining his coiffed hair during crunch times.

“Understood,” your eyes darted back to the bus station, which remained regrettably devoid of any vehicle. You were starting to consider taking a taxi to avoid this awkward conversation but there’s not a single one in sight. “Since you’ve mentioned that you were trying to find me, might I ask why that is, exactly?”

“Ah, yes,” he instinctively adjusted his collar. His sharp and sophisticated face never averted away from you. “You see— Miss Goneril had informed me that I should approach you if I had any concerns about work.”

Ahh… Hilda…

His future plight still doesn’t change how annoying this situation is. Can’t believe you’re already assigned to helping a newbie out as soon as you got your promotion. She’s planning to milk your kindness dry this month, isn’t she? Despite being your best work friend, Hilda doesn’t have to be unkind to someone to exploit them. But you suppose you wouldn’t mind too much, given how he doesn’t look half-bad. Call it vain, call it a “coping mechanism”, but there wouldn’t be any shame on your end to teach a new attractive coworker the ropes of your job. 

You'll treat him nicely. As the good Samaritan you are, maybe you'll also ask him to give up while he's ahead for good measure.

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind helping you out—”

“I'm most grateful!”

“—but it is VERY late.”

You took a quick look at your phone. 11:53 PM—and there were three messages from Miss Goneril confirming that █████ is the new hire. Since Hilda never filtered her remarks when it came to... aesthetically pleasing people, you instantly pocketed your phone. It was a grave oversight on your end that Hilda found out earlier that you weren't paying attention to her babbling earlier. You wouldn't get such a long message on how "hot" █████'s mole was if you were a better pretender. Her thirst was kind of unsettling.

Ah, whatever. You’ll just delete it later.

You held back a yawn, “where’s your stop?”

“███ ███████.”

“Ah, that’s where I drop off too.”

Additionally, it is the bus's final stop, so you would have to spend a lot more time with him. Great. You hoped he wouldn't try to strike up a conversation with some small talk.

He placed his hand on his chin. Now that he’s up close, you realized just how long his sleeves were. The silhouette nearly reminded you of Kamisato Ayato once more. █████ nodded with a half-teasing smile.

“Oh, not to worry, I know.”

Hilda must have told him right away. You secretly hoped that the main reason she paired you two up was because of your shared destination so you could applaud her wise decision-making skills, but you knew better. Once more, Hilda is attempting to match you with someone.

You cleared your throat, “well then, you better prepare yourself with some sleepless nights because the buses around here don’t come around plenty. You’d have to stand most of the time—”

He muttered something again, “three minutes left.”

“Hmm?”

“Ah, no, it’s nothing. I’ve recently moved here so please do continue explaining.”

“… Right.” You sighed, “do you live in ██████████?”

“Yes.”

“Then we’d go in opposite directions. I live in █████ so this is the only bus we share.”

“Unfortunately.”

That almost made you snort. Unfortunately? It's not at all unfortunate, though. During these hours, you rarely feel socially motivated to communicate, and you just know deep down that once he starts working, you'll find a method to board buses separately from him.

“If it’s alright for me to quickly digress— may I trouble you with something, (Y/n)?”

“Sure.”

“May I take a picture with you?” █████ asked. “I want to upload it in my Instagram Story to show my friends and family that I’m faring well. They’ve been insistent that I should make friends on my first day of work— even when based on technicalities, this doesn’t qualify as my first day.”

He must be the eldest and the breadwinner of the ████████ family. That's admirable. Working with someone like him is not a problem for you. They constantly know how to get the job done.

“I don’t mind,” you said, slightly nervous. “But can you not add any weird stuff?”

“Weird stuff?”

“Like, maybe a “my new coworker is ugly” or something like that.”

“W-What?!” █████ jolted. “I would never do such a thing! Especially towards you, my bel—”

“R-Relax, that was just a joke.” Not really. “Is it okay if I don’t take my face mask off?”

“… Of course, I wouldn’t mind.”

“Great.”

█████ scooted closer to you, placing his phone up and angling it in the direction that mostly showed your face. It’s as if he didn’t want his face to be seen, but with a handsome face like that? You’re highly doubtful that is the case. His hands were trembling. The poor man must’ve been incredibly sleep deprived and running on coffee like you.

Unwittingly, you placed your hand above his to steady his phone and you heard him gasp softly. You quickly withdrew your hand away as though you touched a hot kettle when its anything but warm.

His hands were cold, it almost didn’t feel human.

“Oh— sorry!” You shrugged, cringing. “I didn’t mean to—”

“N-No, it’s fine!” He chuckled nervously. “If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I have been told that I am terrible at using a Kamera.”

Why does he say “camera” with a hard “K”? You’ve never heard anyone else pronounce it in that way. Possibly a local accent. It was tempting to ask where he’s from but perhaps that topic would be better brought up some other time. Asking that question might just make him miss his family more, and his parents might be wide-awake right now anticipating any form of reassurance that their child is doing fine.

“Then allow me to take the pic for us.”

He smiled eagerly, “I would greatly appreciate that.”

█████ handed you his phone. You set it up at the same angle he had originally intended, although this time his phone's screen displayed both your faces more clearly. Although you made an effort to contain your emotions, you couldn't help but be overwhelmed by how much he resembles Kamisato Ayato. You mentally readied yourself for the possibility that you would feel his breath on your neck, but you didn't feel him breathe. That doesn’t make you feel untouched, however, since he rested his hand on your shoulder to pull you close enough for the picture.

Is he holding his breath?

“Stay still,” he commanded.

You clenched your fist, trying hard NOT to think about how close his voice is to Chris Hackney’s.

After you pressed the shutter button at least three times, you opened the pictures you’ve taken.

He really does have a beautiful smile.

“Is there something wrong with my face…?”

“Hmm? N-No,” you sputtered out. “I just thought it was a good pic.”

“I’m glad,” he laughed heartily. “I’m still getting used to this face after all.”

… Huh.

Maybe you lack sleep, but the photos remind you of those AI-generated photos on social media— the stolen ones that artists rightfully plead credit for. Maybe you just find him excessively gorgeous because he reminded you of a fictional character you were familiar with, but his appearance somehow seems otherworldly…

“11:55, one minute left.” He muttered again as he crooned above your neck, gazing at his phone.

“For what?”

█████ laughed heartily. 

“For the bus, of course!”

You raised an eyebrow. The station was incredibly empty. You genuinely can’t tell who would lie to him about that.

“Sorry, █████, I don’t know who told you that but there’s genuinely no pattern as to when the bus arrives here. That’s fake news—”

“██████████!!! ██████████!!!”

You immediately snap your neck at the sound of the bus conductor.

“H-Huh?” Your eyes widened.

█████ wore a smug smile on his face as he watched you stare at his phone in disbelief. He was correct; the time was 11:56 pm. But before he had time to gloat and act “mysterious”, you snatched his cold hand and sprinted for the seats— apologizing to the college student you bumped into along the way.

No way in hell you’re going to wait for the next bus.

“We need to go! Now!!!”

You woke up the next day feeling more tired than the previous morning.

Tuesday means that you will inevitably have to work today. You woke up before your alarm, but instead of being a responsible adult and opening up a parcel of bread with hot coffee on the side, you rolled on your bed to whisk your charged phone from the nightstand. You received notifications from several social media apps and a work email from Mister Gautier, but you'd prefer not to startle yourself by hearing one of your subordinate's absurd justifications for being absent. Instead, you launched the Instagram app that you reluctantly installed because of Hilda.

The picture you took together with █████ is still up on his Story.

The image is just as you recall it. You might even say that your opinion of his appearance significantly increased after a good night's sleep. How did you manage to converse with your new coworker last night without turning into a stammering wreck when he is THIS drop-dead gorgeous? You're confident the picture wasn't edited in any way. After all, you saw him upload it directly to his phone's social media account because you wanted to make sure he wouldn't add any odd captions. Congrats to █████ for being incredibly photogenic. He genuinely looks like an AI-generated person with how flawless he appeared. You would have told Hilda straight away that whatever she was swooning over had to be some kind of catfish if you hadn't met him—

You squinted.

…

“Wait a second.”

You looked closely at his hand which rested on top of your shoulder.

“… Are those six fingers?”

That can’t be right.

Sure, he does look like an AI-generated person in the flesh but six fingers? Absurd. It’s probably due to the horrible lighting.

You can’t zoom in on a story, so you took a screenshot but—

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

“Shit.”

You had no time to spare. Hastily, you rolled out, tossed your phone on the bed, and staggered to the restroom. You had to go as soon as possible since you have a meeting this morning. At this rate, soldiers who lived ration by ration likely had a healthier diet than you– but your boss is the embodiment of evil.

You’ll just have to look at the image later.

“Bad morning?”

“Oh, nice to see you here, █████.”

█████ grinned, pointing at the chair beside you, “would you mind if I sit?”

You smiled politely, “I don’t own this place, you know?”

He chuckled, “fair enough.”

It's 4:07 PM. Even though one of your team members arrived later than expected, you eventually built momentum and finished the presentation on a high note. Working with Mr. Gautier is such a headache. Thankfully, district managers have to go out in the field, so before you know it, you've excused yourself to eat lunch at your preferred café. The barely-melted coffee powder you had at home wasn't going to help you get through the day like your favorite cup here. Your cup was no longer a "morning joe", but better late than never.

█████ sank on the cafe’s chair, inhaling the aroma of the rich coffee you ordered. You assumed yet again that it was Miss Goneril’s atrocious wingman skills that led him to this place. His shoulders relaxed a bit afterward as he eyed your cup.

“I do wonder what real coffee tastes like…” █████ mumbled.

You'd give it to him, but you're stressed out—probably more so than he is, given that your supervisor basically holds his hand around the office like a newborn child. The gravity of the problems you carry as a District Manager is nothing to laugh at, either. It’s just a matter of getting used to it.

“Looking already stressed on your official first day, hmm?” You teased before you sipped your cup, pretending you don’t feel his jealous eyes. “Is being a Project Manager not what you had expected?”

█████ shook his head, scoffing with a lopsided grin.

“Oh no, I used to have bigger workloads. I’m only behaving this way since I’m not used to moving this face often.”

This face, huh? What a unique yet expected phrasing. After all, he is so attractive that it wouldn't surprise you if he thought of his face as a separate entity that must be maintained. █████ must be the type of person who cares an awful lot for skin care and self-love. Good for him, good for him.

“Never worked in retail before?” You tilted your head. “Never practiced your customer service smile?”

“In a way, yes,” he chuckled. “I am more accustomed to working behind the scenes since my younger sister takes most of the spotlight in the commi— our family business.”

█████ sure laughs a lot.

“Ah, is she something of an entertainer?” You teased. Knowing a thing or two about other people’s younger siblings, you anticipated some messy anecdotes which served to amplify your opinions on how chaotic having siblings is.

“No. On the contrary, she’s incredibly reserved and poised.”

“Then I bet there’s just something charismatic about her— is she the artistic type?”

“She is. Our family’s beloved princess is quite skilled in the art of dancing and calligraphy. You ought to watch her perform someday.”

You made an effort not to grin foolishly as humiliating thoughts ran rampant inside your head. His sister sounds like Ayaka already. How surreal would it be if you opened up your phone and did your Daily Commissions in front of him—

Oh, right! Your phone— that screenshot!

You ferreted your phone out of your bag, side-eyeing him each time you failed to find it inside its mini-pockets. █████ kept smiling as you busied yourself in hopes you’d locate your phone sooner. To fill in the dead air (and to avoid getting uncomfortable knowing that a man was keeping a close eye on you), you got right onto the meat of the subject by asking questions.

“Hey— I know this is weird, but can I see your hands?”

█████ didn’t respond for a while, lost in a trance before you lightly waved at his face. His soft gaze broke as he blinked fast multiple times.

“My… hands? Alright.”

He pulled his long sleeves— which iconically trailed longer than any other coat in the company— to smoothly show off his slender fingers. █████ glanced at his wristwatch in the process. 4:09 PM. Just one minute more.

Meanwhile, you flinched. He clearly had five fingers in each hand. The normal amount. You didn’t know what exactly you were expecting.

“Hah, I’m definitely sleep deprived,” you spoke humorously. “When I checked our picture this morning I swear I saw six fingers.”

He didn’t laugh. Slowly, he closed his eyes, unamused.

“You’re wrong.” 

█████’s voice dipped low.

You never realized how warm his servile gazes were until he starts looking at you with a cold glare.

You felt your spine tremble as you took note of how he crossed his arms. What’s with this sudden shift in atmosphere? Shouldn’t he laugh at how strange your question was instead?

Why did he sound so offended?

Due to the nature of his tone, you sputtered out an excuse to bring back the light conversation you had before, “must’ve been because its dark— here hold on I took a screenshot of it.”

You opened your gallery, not bothering to scroll deep into it since it should be a recent photo. Yet, you paused, and frantically swiped up and down. You expected that screenshot to be the first image that greets you upon opening the app, but you only saw an entirely black PNG file. Why on earth did that screenshot turn void? You tried searching but you only found recent scans from the last week’s meetings and some “candid” selfies Hilda most likely snapped for herself. 

This makes no sense whatsoever! You swore you took the screenshot earlier and there was no notification that it failed to save it.

“█████” smirked.

11:56 PM M: (Y/n) waits at the bus station.

02:33 AM T: (Y/n) arrives home.

8:01 AM T: (Y/n) has a meeting.

4:10 PM T: (Y/n) looks at their phone at Cafe █████.

4:10 PM. GONE.

You’re so adorable when you have your phone close to your face with your eyebrows knitted like that… Oh, his dear beloved, you nearly got him…

It’s such a shame that he knows your phone like the back of his palm.

“Is something the matter, (Y/n)?”

Kamisato Ayato chuckled behind his sleeve.

You wouldn’t meet his eye, “I was pretty certain I took a screenshot of it this morning, this is so strange…”

Quickly, you opened Instagram to check “█████”’s Story, but the image was missing as well. Since Stories only expire after 24 hours, and it has only been a little over half that time since it was posted, it shouldn't have disappeared. Your eyes remained glued to your phone, unbeknownst to the sinister smile your coworker wore amidst your defeated state.

“Say, did you remove your Stor—”

“Here.”

“█████” slid his phone onto the table.

You picked it up. It’s the picture you two had at the station. You zoomed in on his hand.

Five fingers.

“… Yeah, it’s definitely five,” you whimpered almost inaudibly. “Here I thought I could show you something funny. Damn. I’m really sleep-deprived.”

“I know, you sleep at around 2:30 after all.”

“Yeah—”

You took a breath and then shook your head. There is no need to be skeptical about that statement; it's simple arithmetic. He reportedly knows a lot about accounting, thus he most likely estimated the length of your ride home as if it were a no-brainer. You gave him a wary smile. He's a lot more calculating than you first thought; he even picked up that you were looking for the photo you took the night before without your having to tell him.

Doing what needed to be done without being asked…

“█████” swiftly took his phone back.

“Now then, would you care to enlighten me as to what tastes good on this cafe’s menu?”

You smiled.

Yeah. You think you’ll get along with the new Project Manager just fine.

“Why, it’ll be my pleasure! First off, the frappe here is not that bad…”

[ifortom]

Bad Decisions - T. H. (3)

frat!Tom x Reader - Fake dating AU

Chapter Summary: Friendships are made, questions are answered, and hearts race.

MASTERLIST

W/C: +5K

• DAY 3

"Hey, newest hot topic on campus." You heard it as soon as you left the classroom.

Amber positioned herself by your side as you walked down the university hallway.

"Hey! Is that what people are calling me now?" Amber laughed lightly.

"Well, being seen swapping spit with one of the star players comes with certain consequences." She said, slipping her arm through yours. "Where are you headed now?"

"Uh, I thought I'd grab lunch and then probably head home. I need to catch up on some things I let slide over the weekend." Amber smirked.

"I bet you made good use of that time." You looked at her, wide-eyed. "Oh, stop it! I bet you and Tom spent the whole Sunday snuggled up together."

"Actually, I was nursing a hangover. He suffered having to listen to me complain and swear I'd never drink again."

"That won’t be the last time you’ll have to deal with a hangover if you keep going out with us." She smiled. "Can I join you? I’m starving, and I’ve got some assignments to do too. I’d love the company. Plus, your genius brain could help me out, if you’re up for it, of course!"

You pretend to think for a moment, pouting as if you're contemplating her idea, even though you already know the answer.

"Hmm, I don’t know..." She stops abruptly and stares at you, her caramel eyes pleading. "Alright! No need to look at me like a lost puppy," you say, laughing.

"My lost puppy eyes have gotten me far in life. Where are we going?"

"I was thinking of going to Joe's, do you know it?" She shakes her head. "No way! You're about to try the best carbonara in the world. Let’s go!"

"I have to admit, I haven't eaten this well in a while." Amber said while rubbing her belly.

"I told you."

Despite what people say around campus, Amber is one of the easiest people to talk to that you've ever met. Maybe it helps that you share a lot of mutual interests, but the way she keeps the conversation flowing, never letting an awkward silence settle between topics, proves once again that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

The girl with long red hair has a strong personality and big dreams. College wasn’t one of them, but for her parents, she pushes herself harder each day to keep going. She told you that ever since high school, she's had a passion for music and even joined the choir, but she always heard she had no future in it. Harsh words from people who should have been supporting her.

To her parents, a degree has always mattered more than genuine happiness.

She didn’t go into much detail, but she said she joined the cheerleading team to stay at least a little closer to what she enjoys. She knows the girls she hangs out with don’t have the best reputation, and as a result, she carries that same label. But she says she doesn’t care, that she’s happy with what she does, has fun, and has met some lovely people.

You don’t completely agree with the last part, since several people she hangs out with have proven not to be so great after all. But Amber has more contact with them than you do, so there’s not much to discuss.

During lunch, you gave her your full attention, but at the same time, you wondered why she wanted to spend this time with you. It wasn’t something you had imagined would happen. To you, she was just another girl you made friends with at a party, someone with whom you’d never exchange words again, like so many times before.

But Amber also seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say, asking about your major, what motivates you, and your interests.

She walked you back to your apartment and sat down on the floor near the coffee table, with a book and notebook open as she worked on an assignment. You sat down next to her, focusing on the page in front of you.

An hour later, Amber slammed the book shut and poked you with the tip of a pencil.

“I’m bored.”

"You know that phrase is something I hear regularly? In this same position."

"Do you have a lot of study dates?" She says, raising an eyebrow.

"It’s Tom, actually. We spend a lot of time studying together, and after a few minutes, he gets tired and says he’s bored."

"You two spend quite a bit of time together, don’t you? That’s how you got close."

"Yeah, you could say that. We worked on a project together and became friends. It ended up being a routine for him to be here."

"And now you’re dating."

"Oh, we don’t have a label yet. We’re... testing things out."

Amber watched you for a moment before speaking.

"Can I be honest?" You nodded. "It isn't strange to see Tom bringing a girl to one of those events and joining our group for the night. But most of the time, it doesn’t go beyond that. One night. You're his friend first and foremost, and you know how he behaves."

Amber sighed and looked at the table in front of her, her gaze unfocused.

"I don’t want you to end up like one of those girls. I know we barely know each other, but I like you, and I pushed aside my ego to get closer to you because... you seem real. It’s ridiculous, but I don’t know what I’m saying anymore."

"Amber, it’s okay." Your hand found hers and held it. "Take your time."

"I and Tom are friends. He’s one of the few people I can really talk to, you know? Like I said, the people I hang out with aren’t bad, but Tom is genuine. He doesn’t hide, and he is who he is, even if people talk about him." Her eyes returned to your face, and you finally noticed the tears forming. "And he talked about you. He told me how much you support him and what you do together, how you talk about everything and really listen to each other."

"I never had the chance to get to know you before, and my fear was that you would treat me poorly because of who I am, even knowing you wouldn't do that." She took a deep breath to regain her composure. "And when you showed up at the party and I got to talk to you, I understood Tom. I understood why he keeps you around. And today you took me to lunch at a new place, brought me to your home, and helped me with an assignment that isn't even part of your course. And we barely know each other."

"Amber, I did that because I like you too. It’s all good!"

She sniffled and released your hand, bringing them to her face to dry her tears.

"That was intense, and now I’m embarrassed." She started to get up, and you followed her. "I need to go."

"Amber, wait. You don’t have to leave."

"Y/N, I need to." She quickly packed up all the materials she used back into the bag she was carrying. "That was more than I expected."

Knowing you wouldn't be able to change her mind, you just watched as she gathered her things.

"Amber, wait." You tried one last time as she approached the door to leave. She paused but didn’t look back. "Do you want to go shopping on Friday?"

Her shoulders trembled slightly, and she turned to you with a shy smile on her face.

"I would love to."

Tom was sitting at his desk in his room while you were lying on his soft comforter on the bed.

"Were you two out to lunch together?" he asked.

"Yeah, she asked if she could join me, and I didn’t say no. It was actually pretty nice."

"Until she freaked out in the middle of your living room."

"It wasn’t a freak-out." You sat up on the bed defensively, staring at him. "She vented. I didn’t understand much, but the emotional weight of her words… it was a lot."

"Amber is pretty straightforward."

"I don’t think so. She still has a lot bottled up inside her, and I don’t think she’s going to share it anytime soon."

"Y/N, she’s not a patient. Don’t overanalyze."

"I know that," you replied. "She said you two are friends. Has she talked to you about her parents?"

He raised both hands in a gesture of surrender.

"Let’s stop right there. That’s not our business."

"Ah, okay, sorry." You flopped back onto the bed, arms spread wide. "But did you know she said you talk a lot about me?"

"Did she?" He stood up from his chair. "What did she say?"

"Nothing too specific. But I think it’s problematic because you’ve created a fantasy of me for her."

"Me?"

"Yes! I’m not that special, and the way she talked… you really need to watch your words or it’s going to seem like I’m the center of your universe."

"Ha! You would like that, wouldn't you?" He gets up from the chair and sits on the edge of the bed.

"That's your life wish, Holland. Not mine," you joked back.

"So you think you’re that special, huh?" he says.

"I know I am. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be right here now, and you wouldn’t be talking about me to other friends."

"You hurt my feelings talking like that. I don't have such a cold heart." he says, placing his hands over his chest.

"Aww, poor thing. Tommy gets his feelings hurt when he hears the truth." You reply, pouting and sitting again to face him properly.

"Why are you so sassy, huh?" He says, laughing and leaning closer.

"Life taught me to be this way."

"Stop that," he says, chuckling. "A few hours with Amber and you’re already just like her."

"We're friends. We have a date together on Friday!"

"I don’t know what to think, but I’m glad."

"Yeah, it's going to be fun," you smile.

"So, I've been thinking… actually, I heard some comments today about last Saturday."

"Yeah, I heard about it too. Apparently, you can still be the talk of the campus at any occasion."

"Oh, Y/N, you know not everyone cares about that. The ones who talk the most are the ones close to you or who want to be."

"I know, I was one of those people, remember? You can be sure I didn’t care at all about what you did or didn’t do until we had to work together."

"Yeah, if it weren't for social psychology, we might never have even exchanged a hello." That wasn’t exactly true. "Anyway, it turns out everyone thinks it was just that. Just a fling."

"Hm, what do you suggest?"

Tom smirked and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Time to make it Instagram official."

"How do you want me?" you asked, and he stared at you, a new smirk appearing. "Not like that, you perv! You know what I meant."

He laughed and got up, offering his hand to help you up from the bed.

"I'll lead you," he says.

You both walked over to the floor-to-ceiling window in his room, the sunset bathing the space in natural light. Tom positioned you in front of him and wrapped one arm around your shoulders.

"Okay, now turn your face to the left. Pretend you’re distracted." You did as he asked.

Tom's free hand held the phone in front of both of you.

"Got it. I think we have the picture for the official announcement," he said a moment later, pointing the phone to catch your attention.

In the photo, Tom's face was resting on your head, his arm wrapped around you while you pretended to look at something in the distance.

"Tom, do you think this is good?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"This looks so forced."

"What a lie. I've never taken a more perfect couple photo." You put your hands on your head when you heard him say that.

"Thomas… you've never taken a couple's photo in your life!"

Tom might have posed with countless girls at parties and other events, but none of them carried any deeper feeling.

"Well, it's what we have." He clicked a bit more on the phone screen. "Done, I even tagged you. Are you going to repost?" He said just as you heard the sound of a notification coming from your phone on his bed.

"We should have taken another one."

"Y/N, then it will look forced. It needs to be natural."

"Ha, and you think this is natural?"

"Stop complaining."

You huffed and returned to his bed, grabbing your phone and opening the app.

"Hey, it's okay if you don't want to repost it because you didn't like it…" he says lightly.

"That's not it, Tommy." You meet his gaze, lowering your phone. "It's just that all my acquaintances are going to see it. And it will be real. My family, friends from home. I know that was the plan and what we agreed on, but I just don’t know…"

Tom moved closer to you and cupped your face in his hands.

"Hey, any time you want to stop, that's fine! I’ve already told you I’m not going to force you into anything. Just say the word, and it's over."

You let out a breath and rested your head against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around you in a comforting embrace.

"You too, Tommy. At any moment." You said, your voice muffled by his shirt pressing against your face.

A few seconds later, you slipped out of his arms and reposted the photo, blocking and silencing your phone immediately afterward.

"See? That wasn’t so hard. We’ll deal with the consequences later." He laughed softly. "Now let’s go, we need to get there early if we want to leave early."

Even though it was a Monday, Tom had managed to convince you to go out with some of his friends to celebrate the start of the new game season. The only condition you had set was not staying out too late. They had decided to meet up at a bowling alley for the night.

When you both arrived, Harrison and his date for the night Jessie along with Tyler, and his girlfriend Mabel were already there, having reserved a lane for the game.

Harrison started the game, followed by Tyler and Mabel, who asked her boyfriend for help with the only move needed in bowling. Next up was Jessie, who made the same request to Harrison—good first-date strategy.

"Ok, smartiepants, your turn," Tom said turning to you, pointing to the lane.

You got up from the couch in your section and walked over to the platform to choose the ball you'd use.

"Tommy, you're not being very smart right now," Tyler said, pointing in your direction.

"What do you mean?"

"Be a gentleman; your girlfriend is about to bowl. Don't you think you should help her?"

Tom laughed loudly. "My girl? Oh, she doesn't need help. She knows what to do."

And as if you sensed his words even without hearing them, you knocked down all 10 pins in one go, making him shout in celebration.

"That's what I'm talking about!"

The night continued, and Harrison emerged as the winner of the game, receiving victory kisses from Jessie. Before heading out, everyone decided to grab a quick snack at the same bowling alley.

After a while of laughter, you said goodbye to the group and everyone went their separate ways.

"I have to admit, these people aren't so bad." You say as you buckle your seatbelt and Tom starts the car.

"Yeah, Tyler and Harrison are my closest friends, which is why I wanted you to come tonight. I know some of the guys on the team can be jerks, but a few of them are worth it."

"The girls were really nice too, even with their performance of not knowing how to play and getting all cozy with the guys," you say, laughing.

"I don't know about Jessie, but Mabel has been with Tyler for a while, so it's likely you'll see her again," he replied.

"Hm, I wish Amber had come," you said, looking down at your hands in your lap.

"Haz said she was busy, that's why she couldn't make it."

"I see…"

"Hey." Tom called your attention, placing his hand over yours. "Don't think too much about it; that's Amber for you. She has a strong personality and is very intense. And she gets scared by things she can't control."

A few minutes later, Tom parked in front of your apartment.

"Have you checked your phone?" he asked, and you shook your head in response.

"It's been on silent since we left your place."

"Y/N, I'm here for you. You know that."

"I really appreciate you, Tom. I know you have your reasons for being part of this craziness we've gotten into, but seriously, thank you."

"Anytime, smartiepants." You smiled at him.

"I'm going now."

Before you could open the car door, Tom held your hand. "Wait, Y/N."

"What?" You looked at him.

"I need to ask you… about the party, what happened at the party." he said. "I don't… what was that?"

"Tom, I'm not understanding."

"We… we kissed."

"Oh, about that." You looked away. "I know you didn't expect it, but… when I came back from the bathroom with Amber, everyone was saying you had gone somewhere with Taylor, and when I went to look for you, I bumped into her, and she started saying all sorts of things, and I wasn't exactly in my most sober state either."

He didn’t respond and let go of your hand.

"I know we hadn’t agreed on anything, but it felt like the right thing to do at the moment. I needed to prove that we were together there."

Tom continued in silence, staring at the road ahead.

"I'm sorry. We talked briefly about this, and I thought…"

"So it was an act?" he asked. "Just to prove we were together?"

"Well, yes. It’s not what we usually do when we’re together," you replied uncertainly. "But Tom, if that bothered you, let’s set some boundaries. It's funny because you joked about it yourself and…"

"No, it's fine. You don’t need to. Just… I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" he said.

"Alright, drive safe," you said before getting out of the car and watching him drive away.

As you lay down and finally allowed yourself to check your phone, you felt a mix of curiosity and apprehension.

Notifications began to pop up on your phone, and you quickly realized that the repost of the photo with Tom had generated a lot of attention. Messages from friends and acquaintances started flooding your feed, and you couldn’t help but smile at the positive reactions.

Your sister replied with a simple "WTF?"

You couldn’t avoid feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. Your relationship with Tom was becoming more real every day, and it brought a whirlwind of emotions.

Among the messages, one notification caught your attention: a direct message from Amber. “I saw the photo! I’m so happy for you. Let’s talk soon?”

You smiled as you read the message and felt relieved. But one notification, in particular, caught your attention even more.

Sean: Seems like I wasn’t wrong after all.

Seeing that message from Sean made your heart skip a beat. You hadn’t expected him to reach out, especially not like this.

TAGLIST: @feelinglikeineedlotsofnaps @un06 @lnmp89 @hoodharlow @let-me-luve-you @erule @smoofine @smile2345 @itsdoni @helen-on-earth @kagtobis @appleypi @jennifersworldsblog @marajillana @hufflepuff-n-fluff @aol19 @milasexutoire @watarmelon212 @miniaturetreecollectorfan-blog @twsssmlmaa @drquinnzel0217qqqqqqqqqqq @purplerose291 @princessria127 @jackiehollanderr

[hearts4chriss]

Man, I cannot believe I’m writing this

I came on Tumblr to start writing for the triplets because those are my guys like I love them with all my heart and I still do but mainly I wanted to meet more writers that look like me and I’ve met so many of y’all. Y’all are so so talented and so sweet and so kind and some of the greatest people and friends I’ve met 

I cannot believe how far I’ve come on here with y’all. You guys gave me an amazing experience. I’ve met and talked to so many of y’all on a personal level and I’m so so thankful to have become friends with y’all on here.

While, this is my final post. I do not have any plans to deactivate yet as of right now I will probably keep my account up and when I log out, I will put it in my bio or I will post it, but I am no longer writing or making any Fics.

It is not because I have lost motivation. It is simply because it is toxic on here and mentally I am in a different headspace than when I was a high school senior in January. I am now going to be a freshman in college at Harvard university and my focus elsewhere you guys mean the fucking world to me you guys are so fucking amazing and y’all are so so intelligent and don’t let anybody tell y’all otherwise because y’all are that shit

You guys are my babies and I wish I could give all of you guys real hugs because I love y’all so bad. I really really am going to miss y’all on here and I’m sorry I could not fulfil all of my requests, but I’m so happy with the experience I had with my writing, I do not want to deactivate because I know how many people like to read my stories but eventually, I will be logging out of this account and leaving permanently. I do not know when that’ll be. I am no longer posting on here.

And when I do log out, I do not plan on coming back. You can DM me for now and we can talk but when I log out, I will post it and that’s the last yall will hear from me.

I love y’all so so bad thank you for everything

love, neveah 🩷

@hoesformatt @nickgetsmewetter @babyddolly @worldsanna @bratzforchris @sturniololoves @zylaheartsmatt

[dragonfly0808]

college advice? i’m starting in the fall 😭

oh FUCK

Kay, so, I’m no professional here but I am about to pass into my 6th semester, so will hopefully soon be wrapping up my 3rd year of college so here’s some of advice

First off, go in the mornings, if you have a chance to do your schedule, go in the morning, it’s so fucking heavy to have to go in the evenings, did that once, never again

try to find a website or blog where students can give teachers reviews, these exist for most colleges and while it can be very hard to build your schedule based on the best teachers and I wouldn’t recommend doing that, it can help you be mentally prepared and know what each teacher values most ahead of time

always have smth to entertain yourself. You WILL have teachers who don’t show up or constantly cancel classes and while its fun using that time to catch up with friends, you should take a book or smth with you to keep yourself entertained during down time

if you have AFI’s (I have no fucking clue what they’re called in english but they’re activities, conferences, talks, outings, stuff like that) check how many you can do per semester and keep up with them, don’t leave them till last minute. For example, I need 14 to finish my career and can do up till 4 valid ones per semester but can only do them till my 7th semester. So check on that if you do have them as a requirement as well

Make sure you check out every part of your campus to know the best hangout spots. This is mostly just for yourself and to not get lost.

Hang out at your library if you have one, check out what they have even if you don’t particularly plan to use that many books, it can help motivate you and find more passion for your career if you’re feeling down or having doubts.

learn how to properly reference articles (perplexity is a great tool to find references)

make sure the teachers at least recognize you and, I would recommend to limit yourself to a certain number of classes you can miss. I try to limit myself to skip 3 classes from each teacher and try to not miss at all, the teachers recognizing me as someone who always goes has given me second chances and opportunities for extra points.

ALWAYS DO OPTIONAL PROJECTS FOR EXTRA POINTS, even if you feel confident in the subject, better to be safe than sorry

carry a cardigan or a light sweater and a small umbrella. You never know what teacher is gonna put the AC like it’s antartica and an umbrella can save you from sunburns and unexpected rain

carry headache pills or any medication you use semi-frequently, also a small utensils kit cause who likes using disposable utensils when you can carry your own + it’s better for the environment, also a hair tie

have an ‘emergency kit’, I have one that barely takes up a lot of space in my backpack and I am just now having to refill it 5 semesters in, I have mini deodorant, a small toothbrush/toothpaste I’ve never actually used, mini wet wipes, mini hand sanitizer, mini perfume, mini brush, toilet paper, band-aids, pads and kleenex.

^ these last 3 are cause my mama taught me to always be prepared and cause I personally can be a bit paranoid, I’m the mom-friend who always has anything anyone could ever need :) so those are according to the type of person you are. I also carry an UNO card game for when multiple teachers cancel on us (yes my backpack is very heavy but the paranoia can’t catch me if I’m prepared)

If you’re propense to low-sugar do NOT skip breakfast and try to carry a small snack, or in general always carry a small snack

if your career involves having to go to the laboratory, LISTEN TO THE INTERNS/LAB ASSISTANTS, half the time, they’ll know more than the teacher

remember, when it comes to group projects, you don’t have friends, you have classmates. Someone can be a great friend but an awful classmate and I am not risking a grade over a lazy friend, prepare yourself to separate those 2

try to figure out what to listen to when doing hw or studying, me personally, classical music (specifically cello music from the barroque period) really helps me focus

ALWAYS DO YOUR HOMEWORK, those are some of the easiest points to get

Finally, don’t be afraid to decorate your backpack! One of the funnest things of college to me (cause I was at a strict school for middle school and spent highschool in pandemic) has been to decorate my backpack with pins!

I’ve found a great thing about college is that genuienly no one cares about your interests and you can freely express yourself without fear of being bullied or ridiculed. Everyone is far too tired or focused to care. At least that has been my experience so far, be ridiculous if you like

I have ATLA pins, an asexual flag, spider-gwen, a matching carebear with my bestie, the school mascot and a dinasour (still looking for a winx pin)

I think that’s all I can come up with for now, so yeah, hope this helps and best of luck bestie!

[charmedreincarnation]

Mayaaaa! I have been stalking you @lotusmi @multiversebaddie @blushydior and someone else I forgot their tag, I think they deactivated 😞 for a long time and you guys helped me so much 😝😝but I am sending this to you because u r the most active right now I believe but I got into the void state and shifted Using these blogs !

You guys all like Neville and say work on faith so I used lotus detailed posts, she’s an angel! And same with multi, I used her faith and Neville posts and combined with what I learned from lotus without over consuming since that’s a problem in the community. Then I used your intention reprogramming method I saw in your lucid guide and focused on faith and no methods! Just intention and it worked faster and more easy than any other method I tried for months. I did everything from meditations to Sunni method to 10k affirmation challenge to the Bambi challenge and nothing worked better than faith, neville, and intent.

I also used blushydior/Bambi’s @rosellesworkshop and @fleurx post to help create better habits for myself instead of crying but not doing anything. Sometimes all it takes is aesthetics to motivate you to stop crying and get off your lazy bum and get your dream life !!! I’m so angry it took me this long and 8 blogs to decide I was tired of my life and I deserve better. But I got here 😙 that’s all that matters

I manifested and revised

being 22, to 17 again because I lost my childhood to abuse but I still wanna be a grown

Become a successful drop-shipper and having a six figure stream of income. I have been broke forever so I’m going to get more and I’m so estatic to soon be a multi millionaire at 18

I’m going to start modeling and received an email from img modeling company that they are happy to have me in their agency

Desired face and body. Think Bella Hadid’s body but Taylor hills face but with my own twist because I wanted to be original

Acceptance to Columbia even though before the void state I failed high school and was definitely about to flunk out of college

Good self concept to makeup for all the times I’ve been broken and knocked down. I will never feel like that again

Perfect family, which was damn dysfunctional before the void

Dream apartment. My dad bought me an apartment in New York for college and it’s 6k a month but he payed the first year off and is giving me an allowance of 15k a month

Being a nepo baby and revised my treacherous past that I will never acknowledge again. It’s the soft princess life from now on forward

Also reading @voidsuccess encouraged me a lot because I promised myself I would stop at nothing to become the next post. I’m so happy I can say I committed to myself and promise 😇😇

Omg idk how I missed this earlier this is amazing! Yes girl periodt 💅 keeping it simple fun and easy will always benefit you at the end. And I’m also obsessed with all the users you tagged as well congrats 🎉 you deserve this and moreee 😭😭

I think this is my current fav success story wtf this is amazing. Ty for telling us your method bb, and periodt on the easy princess soft life !! literally same it’s what we deserve 💗

[cozy-the-overlord]

Free Fall

Summary: Tony Stark arranges for an Avengers Teambuilding Day at a local amusement park. Loki had been hoping to avoid it -- he's had enough thrills to last a lifetime, he has no desire to seek out more -- but you and your endearing enthusiasm for roller coasters convince him to come along. However, the free fall drop tower you start out with turns out to be a bit more thrilling than he bargained for.

Word Count: 3,482

Pairing: Loki x Gender Neutral Reader

A/N: Drags self out of the grave and awkwardly waves

So it's been a minute since I posted lol. Those of you who follow may be aware that I recently graduated from college with the Final Semester From Hell that involved my computer hard drive dying on me in class and causing me to lose not only forty pages of my honors thesis two weeks before it was due, but also almost every WIP I had been working on in the past four years because I am an idiot who chronically forgets to back things up :D I did make it through college, but between stress, burnout, depression, and the death of any motivation to work on anything because of having to restart from the beginning for all of my projects, I went a while without writing anything. But I'm slowly getting back into it -- I have several projects in the works and I'm hoping to get back to posting more regularly. This fic was a short piece that I had started prior to the computer death that I had a lot of physical notes on so they weren't lost when my hard drive decided to yeet itself into the sun. I'm not entirely happy with it, but honestly it feels so good to finally finish something that I don't care.

Anyways, sorry for the obnoxious A/N. Thank you so much for reading!

Warnings: PTSD, flashbacks, panic attack, a bit of motion sickness?

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @the-emo-asgardian @imnotrevealingmyname @electroma89 @lokislittlesigyn @moumouton4 @theredrenard @justdontmindmetm @lostgreekgod @naterson

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :) (I also realize that this taglist is Old so if I need to update it please let me know)

Read it on Ao3!

Standing in the shadow of the great tower, heart thudding in his throat, Loki is suddenly aware that he’s made an enormous mistake.

Next to him, Stark whistles. “This is what you usually start with?”

You grin up at the spire, a massive construction of electric green cutting through the cloudless sky. Two elevators, one on either side, are creeping slowly up the length of the tower. They linger at the top for just a moment before plunging back down to Earth, their occupants screaming. Loki feels ill just watching, but you’re practically vibrating in place. “It’s good to get the blood pumping.”

He can’t bring himself to look at you.

It’s your fault that he’s here. Loki hadn’t planned to come today at all. A day spent outside in the sweltering summer sun, following Stark’s gaggle of misfits onto various machines designed to fling mortals from side to side to simulate the feeling of a near death experience? Loki couldn’t imagine anything more torturous. Thor’s begging and cajoling received nothing in response. No, he hadn’t the slightest intention of coming today, not until last night, when he came across you restocking the main refrigerator.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?” you had asked as you arranged rows of Red Bull on the top shelf. “I can’t wait to take you guys around Rapid Rails—I’ve been begging Mr. Stark to do a teambuilding day there ever since he hired me.”

Your eagerness caught him off guard— as Stark’s personal assistant, you had been present at all of his godforsaken teambuilding events, but Loki had never known you to be particularly excited about any of them. “I … I wasn’t aware you had such an attachment to it.”

“Oh yeah—I grew up just down the street from there!” You beamed at him, breaking down the cardboard box you had used to carry the cans. “We used to have season passes – they were way cheaper when I was a kid – and we’d just go there to hang out all the time. Gosh it was so fun. And now I get to go for work!” You let out a merry laugh. “I guess some things never change, right?”

Loki huffed a soft chuckle. He had never seen you like this before, practically bubbling over in excitement. It was … rather endearing. “I suppose not.”

“You are coming, right? Thor said you hadn’t made up your mind yet.”

Were the circumstances different, Loki might have scoffed. Hadn’t made up your mind yet—Norns, his brother lived in denial. Instead though, he hesitated. “I … I’m afraid I hadn’t planned on it.”

“Really?” The way your face fell actually hurt his chest. “Why not?”

“I—” He glanced away, pressing his lips together. “I’m not sure I’m one for your roller coasters,” he said, finally. “You’d likely have a better time without me there.” It was an attempt at lightheartedness, but you only seemed more disappointed.

“Oh, that’s not true at all! I was really looking forward to—” you stopped suddenly, and when Loki looked up again, you were biting your lip with a nervous laugh. “I mean, it would be really fun if you came with us. But it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“I suppose I could come, if you so desire.” He hoped he sounded nonchalantly cool, and that you couldn’t see the way his heart fluttered at the idea that you might want him there. “I wouldn’t wish to let you down.”

“Oh, I mean—” You looked away, the light from the refrigerator silhouetting your frame. “I don’t want to force you, if you don’t want to. You shouldn’t do it just for me.”

“No, I …” He inhaled, then smiled. “I think I would like to join you.”

And so here he is, at the base of this great metal monstrosity, intently studying the sign outside of the line entrance to avoid Thor’s knowing smirk. His brother has never worn self-satisfaction well.

DEATH DROP: THE TALLEST AND FASTEST DROP TOWER ON THE EAST COAST

 The description is illustrated with a photograph of two people strapped to their seats, mouths wide in mid-scream as their hair flies every which way. Loki lets out a shaky exhale as he reads. The tower, it claims, is 400 feet tall. It reaches top speeds of 85 miles per hour. The ride itself lasts about 90 seconds in total. The measuring stand besides the entrance indicates that participants must be at least 48 inches tall.

400 feet. That doesn’t sound too terrible, he tells himself. The concept of a foot as a unit of measurement is still something he struggles to wrap his head around, but he knows that Stark Tower stands at over a thousand. So that’s not too bad. 400 feet would be a drop in the bucket, really, compared to …

No. He pushes the thought down, back into the dark recesses of his memory. None of that. Not today.

Stark smirks at him. “You’re looking green, Tommy Wiseau.”

Loki swallows, straining to maintain his stiff mask of composure. It’s bad enough to have Stark reveling in his discomfort, but now you’re looking over at him too, brow furrowed in concern, and he wishes he could melt away on the spot. “I’m quite fine.”

“Of course he is!” Thor booms, slapping his shoulder with a hearty thwack that does nothing for Loki’s stomach. “We’ve fallen from much higher heights, haven’t we, brother?”

Weightless. Breathless. Engulfed by inky nothingness, the air so thin he can’t even scream —

Loki’s smile hurts. “Yes, very true.”

“You don’t have to go, Loki,” you interject. “It’s totally okay— I have friends who love roller coasters and refuse to touch this ride. It’s a lot.”

He knows you mean it as reassurance, but he can’t stand the way you’re looking at him, as if he were a frightened child, too fragile to be brought along. Are you regretting having convinced him to change his mind? Do you feel that he’s only holding you back? Somehow, the idea that you no longer want him here is almost as sickening as the thought of the fall.

Loki huffs a breath. No. He will prove himself worthy of your coaster. “I assure you, I am fine.” His voice is more strained than he’d prefer it to be. “Let’s get on with it, shall we?”

…

The attendant seems rather starstruck as he ushers the group onto the ride—he stumbles and stammers through the explanation of the seating arrangements and the harness. Loki’s not really listening as he follows you to the left side of the cart, trying not to ignore the buzzing that seems to be settling behind his ears.

You smile up at him. “Would you rather sit on the side or in the middle?”

He frowns. “Does it make a difference?”

“Well, personally I don’t think so, but I know some people who get scared of heights think it’s easier to sit in the middle.”

“I’m not scared of heights.” The words come out far too quickly to sound believable, and he curses inwardly at himself. “I can sit on the side.”

“Are you sure?”  You eye him uncertainly. “It’s okay if you—"

“I’m quite capable of managing such a seat.” He sits before you have the chance to question him again.

The seat is rather tight—Loki wonders if that’s intentional, or if it’s simply built with a smaller frame in mind. In the cart off to the right, he can hear Thor fumbling about with the attendant, and he chuckles despite himself. If he’s finding it to be a bit of a squeeze, he can’t imagine the troubles his bulky brother must be having.

It’s a momentary reprieve from his darker thoughts, and Loki is actually smiling when you warn him to sit back against the seat.

“The harness is going to be coming down soon.”

“What?”

You motion to the contraption above the cart, two plastic green masses shaped like upside down u’s that hover above your heads like the top of a clam shell. “It sits over you and keeps you from flying out of the cart.” You let out a small laugh. “It’s like the harnesses on the Quinjets, but way less cool. They also have little handles that you can hold on to if you want.”

Loki is eyeing the harnesses uncertainly. “What do you mean they’ll be coming down soon?”

“You used to have to pull it down yourself, but they have it all programmed now.” A great mechanical creak cracks through the air, and you press yourself against the back of the seat. “Oh, here it comes now!”

He frowns, mimicking your movement to sit as far back as he can. The green restraint descends slowly over his head, with a metallic groan that does not give him much faith in the construction of this monstrosity. He expects it to stop once it was hovering over his torso, but it continues until it’s pressed snuggly against his chest, pinning him to the seat. The attendant is saying something over the intercom, but Loki barely registers it over the feeling of the restraint. It’s … it’s not a painful sensation, but the firmness with which it holds … he’s been restrained before. Little flames of memory spark in the corners of his mind, flames he can’t seem to douse no matter how hard he tries.

Get it off. Get it off. Get it off.

He gives an apprehensive tug on the metal handles that now rest on either shoulder, a tug which quickly turns into a hard yank. The harness does not move. His mouth has gone dry.

“Loki?” you’re frowning at him, your head only barely visible through your own harness. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

You’re not bothered by the restraint. Of course you aren’t—how many times did you say you’ve ridden this ride? It’s fine. It’s fine. Goodness, what must you think of him, seeing him panic over the safety harness that you’ve worn hundreds of times before for fun? He nods his head, shaking away the feelings and memories and emotions and all the other thoughts that he wishes he could just wash down the drain …

“Are you sure—?”

“Perfectly,” he spits, but it comes out more snappishly than he intended, and you recoil with a look on your face that makes him despise himself.

I shouldn’t be allowed to speak.

“And enjoy your ride!” the attendant finishes with a flourish, and the thick metal cranking is all the warning you get before the cart begins to lift off from the ground. Loki’s heart jumps to his throat, pounding so fast he can’t make out the separate beats.

“This part is the scariest bit,” you yell at him over the grinding of machinery. “The anticipation kills me!”

Loki inhales. The elevator continues to rise, inching up slowly along the spire, the ground beneath their feet melting into miniature. This is alright, he tells himself. If this is the worst part of the experience, then he’ll be just fine. There’s nothing particularly frightening about it—he spoke the truth when he told you that he had never been bothered by heights. It’s all perfectly fine.

Perfectly. Fine.

Norns, they’re still going up. He risks a glance at the track above him—surely they must be close now? The movement makes him queasy, and he quickly turns back to face straight ahead. His knuckles are white from clutching the handles. The harness is digging into his chest and it takes all of his self-control not to rip it off. The elevator stutters—is this it? His breath catches, but no, they’re still going up. They seem to be slowing down though, don’t they? Or is that only his imagination?

I’m going to be ill.

They’ve stopped. That’s not in his head. Everything seems frozen in place. Why did he agree to do this? Loki presses his eyes closed. Any moment now. Any moment …

Still nothing.

His chest aches. He may have forgotten to breathe. Why have they stopped? Is something wrong? Loki turns to you—you look ecstatic, eyes crinkled with elation, mouth wide in an open grin.

“When is it going to—”

You drop.

The world goes silent. He feels it, that awful sensation in his stomach as the line goes slack and colors rush before his eyes in a blur until it all fades to darkness, airlessness, weightlessness, his lungs burning and drowning on the empty void of space—he’s falling, he’s falling again, he’s falling again oh please Norns not again—

There’s ground beneath his feet. He’s not sure where it came from. His knuckles ache. You’re talking – to him? He’s not sure, he only barely can make out your voice …

“Loki? The harness is coming up. Can you let go?”

He’s still clinging to the handles. Can he let go? He’s not sure. His body feels like lead. He pries his fingers from the metal tube and the pressure against his chest vanishes with a woosh over his head.

“There you go.” Your voice is soft, encouraging, closer than he remembered. He looks up to find you kneeling on the ground before him. You flash a nervous smile. “You alright?”

He’s not sure what to say. His instinct is to apologize, insist that yes, of course, he’s quite alright, he didn’t mean to give any impression to the contrary, everything is fine, but the words catch in his throat.

stars melting together smothering his last breath

Loki lets out a shuddering breath, settles for a nod.

“What’s the hold-up?” Stark calls out. “Barton and Romanov are waiting with the kids on the other side of the park.”

“We’re just taking a break for a minute!” Your reply is hurried. “You guys can go on, we’ll meet you there.”

“Is something wrong?” Thor sounds concerned, and—oh great—now both him and Stark are walking over to their cart. “Loki? What happened?”

“I—” But words, so often his steadfast ally, seem to be failing him right now. What happened? He has no answer; at least, none that his brother would accept. For nothing had happened, not really, and yet that was enough to send him spiraling through the fabric of reality.

He hates this. He hates feeling so weak.

Stark is chuckling. “If I knew that this was all it took to shut him up, I would have rented this place out sooner—”

Enough.

Loki forces himself to stand – far too quickly, his stomach churns at the movement, but he swallows the bile in his throat. He needs to get away. It doesn’t matter how, but he needs to not be with them. Besides him, you scramble to your feet too.

“I’m well.” His voice doesn’t sound right—it feels foreign, and thick like syrup, nothing like his own. “You may go on without me.”

“Are you certain?” Thor is frowning. “We can wait—”

Please don’t.

“I’m certain. I just need to sit for a moment.”

“There’s a bench nearby!” You’ve taken on the same cheery inflection typical of your working voice, and it adds a sense of normalcy to a distinctly abnormal situation. He’s grateful for it. “I can show you where!”

Both Stark and his brother seem reluctant to leave, but you insist that it’s fine. “I’ll call you if anything changes.”

He feels slightly steadier as he follows you to the bench—it’s just a wooden thing on the side of the concrete path, across from what appears to be a diner of some sort. You mumble something about going to get water. It’s a relief when you turn away, so you don’t see how he collapses against the seat.

There’s ground beneath his feet. Loki closes his eyes, focuses on that. There’s ground beneath my feet. The asphalt is firm, hot with the summer sun, anchoring him to reality. He lets out a breath. It feels safe.

Unless, of course, it crumbles beneath your step and flings you back into the abyss –

“Hey.” He jerks up at the sound of your voice, and the suddenness causes you to jump as well. You shift apologetically, standing in front of him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Loki swallows. How did he not hear you come up? “You didn’t.” Although it must be obvious that you did. At least you’re kind enough to allow him the lie.

You offer him a plastic cup. It’s a flimsy thing, but quite cold, relieving against his feverish skin. He takes it with a mumbled thanks, pretending he doesn’t notice how you’re studying him with a quiet sort of concern.

“Are you feeling better?” you ask after a moment.

Loki bites down on the inside of his cheek, relishing the way it stings. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just – I mean – ” you glance down, tugging at your shirt sleeve. “I get panic attacks too.”

“I don’t—” But he stops himself, stops the urge to argue. Gives a gentle nod instead. “I’m well, thank you. I just … I need a moment to catch my breath.”

“I’m sorry …” You look away guiltily. “Death Drop is kind of a lot – we shouldn’t have done that first.”

“It’s not that. I –” He wants to explain to you. He wants you to know that he’s not usually like this—he never used to be like this, he’s strong and steady and perfectly capable of anything you could ask of him, but his voice is failing once again. Loki huffs a sigh. “You ought to go on with the others. I don’t wish to ruin your day.”

“Oh, you haven’t ruined anything. I’ve been on every ride in this park about a million times. It’s fine!” Your voice is bubbly and light as you sit down next to him on the bench. There’s something oddly comforting about the sound. “Besides, it’s bad etiquette to leave a friend by themselves at an amusement park. Buddy system and all that.”

A friend. He can only stare at you.

You falter. “Unless … unless you’d rather I left?”

“No—” Loki surprises himself with how quickly he answers. “No, I’d rather you didn’t.”

Several minutes pass in silence, the frantic beating of his heart slowly tapering off into something softer as he drinks in your presence. He’s grateful for it, grateful for how you let him soak in the quiet. Thor would never have allowed him such a moment’s peace.

 He’s considering asking if you’re sure you don’t want to go on any other coasters (he feels guilty for keeping you here—perhaps he can accompany you through the queue and wait on the ground?) when you suddenly sit up stock-straight. “Oh!”

Loki frowns. “Is something wrong?”

You turn to him with a wide grin. “I just remembered they have Dole Whip here!”

“They—what kind of whip?” What sort of ride would a whip be, he wonders? A human sized slingshot, perhaps? His stomach lurches at the thought.

Luckily though, he’s proved wrong. “Dole Whip!” you giggle. “It’s like ice cream, but fruit flavored. Like there’s pineapple and strawberry and whatnot—it’s like soft serve.” You look at him with a kind of hopeful excitement. “Do you want to try some?”

Loki hums. He has yet to try soft serve ice cream, but he knows his brother practically swears by the stuff. “Is it good?”

“Supposedly. I’ve actually never tried it— we never wanted to spend money on park food when we would come as kids. It’s stupid expensive.” You smirk. “But today’s all on Mr. Stark’s dime, so…”

He chuckles. “And you would take advantage of your employer in such a fashion? I didn’t realize I had such a Machiavellian on my hands.”

“Hey, I’m just taking advantage of the opportunities presented to me!” You stand with a grin, holding your hands up in a mock surrender pose. “You can’t blame me for that, can you?”

“Oh, I’d never,” he teases as he stands, and he’s relieved to find that his legs have regained their steadiness. “I’d be honored to experience this Dole Whip with you on Stark’s expense.”

“Fantastic,” you beam. “It’s not too far from here. And it’s right next to a bunch of these little shops—they have this ridiculous giant sea monster toy that costs like $300, I can show you—”

You continue on as the both of you walk down the path, telling him all about the park’s various hidden gems and the inside jokes you and your friends have concocted around them, and Loki finds himself laughing more than not—he can’t help it, your giggles are just too infectious.

Huh. Perhaps joining you today wasn’t a mistake after all.

[snderist]

i notice nobody ever talks about the struggles of wanting to make sims content and being in college at the same time. i have sm mutuals who are in college/uni just like i am, who have gone inactive bc posting and keeping up with school work whilst having a job can be very stressful. for me, the sims was an outlet; something i could play to escape reality for a while. in the past few months i’ve come to realize that playing the sims was becoming more of a job than a hobby. i started to feel obligated to post. even though i didn’t get many interactions, it wasn’t rlly something i cared about. i enjoyed posting my sims lore/stories, and i love the friends i made while being here; but i started to see more and more people becoming less active and i kinda just lost the motivation to continue posting.

just a reminder that a break is always necessary. do not feel like you are obligated to post all the time, whether you’re a small content creator or a big one. it’s not selfish of you to want to take a breather and work on yourself. as a fan of many sims creators, i would prefer they take as much time as they can to themselves. being away from the screen gives you an opportunity to experience real life events, which then can inspire you to make even better content.

to take breaks is to become a better version of yourself. i’ll be back soon <3

[tmwcs]

T̴̶̨̨̢̛͇̱̙̭̳͚̼͍̪̮͔̯͍͎͔͔̽̿͊ͥͨ͗ͬͧ͑̓̌̓ͫ͋̇̂̈́̀͘͠͞͠ḩ̵̶̧͈̜͇͖̮͚̟͉̝̤̘̹̬̎̍͊͑̋͌͂̏͒̾̇̌ͩ́͂͛͊̾̂ͩ̀͆̓ͮ̚̚͢͢͠ë͍́̾ͭ O̶̼͚͐̌́ͦ́͆͋̌͡t̷̴̴̩͓͍͔̣͖̟͈͕̰̱ͨ́͛̾̎͐̽͐͑͒̏ͮ̃̀͂ͧ̔̾̚͘͘͢͠͝͡͡ͅh̥͉͂ę̜̮̱͕̟̘ͧ̄̃ͣ̋ŗ̢͔̖͎̪͚͇͕̩͖̹͒ͮͬ̎̃̽͆ͫ̏ͩ̀͆̇ͬͣ̃̄̚͟s̸̴̶̨͇̣͈̪͕̯̺̮͇ͦ̏̓ͤ͛ͥ͑̆̋̏ͦ̀̊̃͢_̢̛͍̖̩̞̬ͨj͇͓͚̝͑̇̊̒͐ͥ́̚͞ḍ̵̵̸̡̨̧̢̛͉̣̜̗̦̫̮̪̰͂̌̃̌̽̀̌́͑̏̑̂̊ͯͩ̀̊͌͆ͬ͛ͧ̑ͦ̉̕͟͝͝ẽ̸̸̢̖͕͙̦̄ͭͪ̈̊̈͐̂͝

CHAPTER FIVE

The Otherside Chapter 5 here!!!! If you wish to be added to the Taglist, please let me know. If you’ve already asked and are not on it, please give me a reminder, it’s been a while since I’ve posted the previous chapter.

Warnings: reader gets attacked, attempted r@pe, stalking, mentions of death through torturous acts, rough home life, parental neglect, sibling rivalry, death threats, some cursing, and I think that’s it.

The park looked too enticing to merely walk pass. With the full moon peeling in between the trees, you just had to take a moment to appreciate the beauty of the brightened night sky. A lonesome bench offers the perfect view of the scenery and so, you rest your gift bag to the side as you perch yourself and sit nearly over the curved edge and admire the glorious pearl in the sky.

Not long after you sat down, your mind drifts away as you are reminded of the harsh reality of coming home to an ignorant mother and shameful father. As a daughter, you loved them and hoped they would become better, but as fate would have it, they would continue to let you down as you witnessed the constant habit of them choosing to be better parents for your elder brother. Some days, you really try to see it from their perspective, yet at the end of the day, the chapters in your story end the same. Your brother got away with everything….everything. He abused the trust and goodliest trait of all around him. There were countless times when you came to witness his terrible deeds or capture sustained evidence of his unlawful ways; whether it be theft, fibbing, or drug use, yet due to the persona he portrayed in front of open eyes, no one would ever believe you whenever you presented the proof. Nobody could ever believe that the local church boy preparing for college would ever do such terrible deeds. So much for knowing “thy neighbor”. The worst was when your mother responded so carelessly as you displayed the video evidence of him stealing money from your wallet, no doubt to pay for his drug habits. Despite the act being caught in plain sight, her unusual response of “I will talk to him, and the Lord will take care of the rest.” Was the most disappointing thing you ever did hear. Then of course there was your father who claimed that his son would never do such a thing, and even dared to accuse you of conspiring against his only son. That’s right, “his only son”, the ultimate statement that gave constant reminder that in your dads eyes, his son wasn’t your brother, how could he be if you were never accepted as a daughter?

Maybe the troubling home life is a blessing. After all, it was all that motivates you to earn decent grades, and apply to numerous universities; you should be hearing back from one of them any day now, and once you do, you’ll take your packed bags and hike your way into adulthood. You’ll get a part time job to pay for your living expenses and continue to study hard and get through this life, while never looking back. Since you had come to accept that the family you were born with could never find love in their hearts for you, you reserved all of your heart for yourself. Perhaps someday you’ll find someone who is worthy of it.

Lost in your thoughts, you remained distracted under the stressful circumstances of your family life, so much that you failed to hear the unknown man sneaking up behind. Your view of the moon is suddenly enclosed by complete darkness as you feel a pair of strong hands covering them and blocking your screams. You kick and attempt to peel his fingers off as he lifts you from the bench and rams you into the grassy ground. The person was not gentle, you felt your knees, shoulders, elbows, and back being scrape as you roughed you up and straddled atop your frame. You struggled as you found it hard to breathe with his hands blocking your airways. Finally he exposes his voice as he leans in and through a clenched jaw, he grits out his warning. “Stop moving or I’ll fucking slit your throat.” With a cold metal edge of what you suspected to be a knife, he presses it against your delicate skin, just underneath your jaw.

You refrained from making any sudden movements, only admitting a gentle nod as you complied with his order. “Good. Now stay still.” He demands as he begins to unbutton your blouse. You panicked internally but calmed yourself as you wait for the perfect moment to make a striking move that would allow you to get away. Said opportunity presents itself as you felt him ease his grip over your mouth just as he was placing his disgusting mouth over your exposed chest. With a swift knee to his shaft, you rammed the bone edge of your joint as hard as you could, rendering him to toss over and groan in agonizing pain.

Quickly, you turn over and lift yourself from the ground as you stumble for balance. Lightheaded and dizzy, the limited air flow had caused you to nearly pass out. Had you not made your move in time, you surely would have passed out. As you level your feet, you lean forward and prepared for take off as your body develops a swift running stance, when you felt the man’s hands grab on to your ankle. With a harsh pull towards his chest, your body’s momentum fails you as your chest falls to the ground, knocking the breath out of your chest. He roughly turns you over and once again, straddles your waist line as he pinches his knees to close you in. You watched as he raised the knife above head, ready to strike down and deliver a finishing blow. Your breathing escalates as your eyes frown fearfully. With his words, you scream out as you’re about to meet your demise. “Stupid little bitch!”

You wince your eyes shut and turn to face away. The sudden burst of stingy tears squeezed out from the corners of your eyes drip along the contour of your cheek, providing the only warmth you could possibly feel at that moment.

The sounds of choked up gasps caused you to slowly open your eyes and face forward. You could feel your brows raise in confusion, but migrate to sudden shock as you witness a clear view of the man’s throat. It was all you could see and yet you were able to ascertain that something was pulling the man’s head back, far back.

“W-w-wha-at….the fffuck!” The man was barely able to spew out as he struggled to speak and breathe. Inch by inch, you saw his head being peeled back. Whoever it was that had a hold on him definitely had the intention of snapping his neck in half.

With the man struggling for release, you felt his hand gripped around your neck tightening. You wiggle around, attempting to remove his hand while the other still grips the blade above your face. Suddenly, a deep voice comes from behind your would be killer. It was calm and flared a peculiar accent. “Let go of her neck, otherwise I’ll break yours.”

Another man? And he came to save you? How lucky for you! Though it was too soon to act joyful as you felt the grip around your throat pinching tightly. You felt your throat closing inward as you found yourself unable to breathe. Pounding against the man’s chest, your eyes develop tunnel vision when finally, the weight of his body is drastically lifted from you. Laying in a dazed and confused state, your narrowed vision allows you to look at your savior. He wore a mask, with a jean jacket under a black vest. A black cap covered most of his hair, with only the wispy ends peeking from underneath. He throws the man off to the side. The heaving rise and fall of his chest tells you of his immaculate strength as he resorted to using his upper body weight to lift the other man and toss him over as if he was nothing. For one second, his face turns down over to you, where your eyes meet briefly.

“Stay here. I’ll be right back.” Is all he tells you before he takes his step and disappears from your view. You barely had any strength to move as your body recovers from the fatigue from the loss of oxygen. Your hearing on the other hand seemed to work fine as you listened in on the muffled screams of your attacker. It all faded as you finally succumbed and drift off to a state of unconsciousness.

You awoke in a darkened room, enclosed by silk and warmth, a total contrast from the environment you were in earlier. Despite not being able to see, you were able to ascertain that you were on a pillow top bed in what appeared to be a sky rise apartment, as deduced by the massive window view of the bustling streets and flashy media billboards on the neighboring towers. Whoever it was that saved and brought you back certainly was a person with great affluence. The comfort of the room enticed you to remain however, you knew you had to get up and grasp some answers.

Getting up, you realize that your phone was missing. More than likely it fell out of your pocket at the park during the struggle. Maybe your rescuer will take you back and help you find it.

You open the door and admire the main living room. Just like the bedroom, it has an impressive row of large windows that view the entire city.

“Wow…” you breathed out as you witnessed the apartment being lit up by the outside lights. What a fabulous place to live in.

Tip toeing into the main area, you looked around trying to find your shoes, but no luck. You peeked into all the bathrooms, guest bedrooms, and even inside the kitchen cabinets but to no avail were you able to find them. Strange.

The night view of the city captured your attention as you pondered the whereabouts of your shoes. The beauty of the starry sky hovering over bright city lights seized your attention for much longer than what you had anticipated. You lightly jump as you hear quiet footsteps from behind.

Snapping around, your eyes meet him once again. “It’s you…” you quietly murmured as he stepped into the light.

“Yeah…it’s me.” He responds back while licking his lip.

“You’re the one that…well, you saved me from that man earlier.”

He chuckles at your prospective point as his hands remain tucked into his jean pockets, causing for her his shoulders to shrug slightly. “Heh…yeah.”

His voice was so deep and alluring.

“Well…thank you.” You lightly chuckled. Without his mask you were able to see just how handsome he was. He appeared to be Asian, perhaps Japanese? Chinese? Or maybe Korean. Either way, he was perfectly sculpted and well built. “What was your name?” You ask shyly as you took notice of his intense eye contact.

“Jake. Aaaand you?” The way he drew out his tone and playfully pushed out his request caused you to melt. You’ve never seen anyone with such intense sex appeal. “It’s…y/n.”

“Huh…I dig the name.” His tongue rolls offensively in his mouth as his lips part open, allowing you to view the act.

“Could I ask you a question?” You propel shyly once again. “Sure.”

You take up on his answer and politely asked him about a stumbling thought that suddenly hit you. “Can I ask how you knew I was in trouble? The park was large and it was so empty. Did you know that man that attacked me?”

Your question was out of pure curiosity, not at all suspicious. It’s not uncommon for a person to walk alone at the park, even at night. But you had a gut feeling that it wasn’t just pure luck that your savior happened to be at the exact location at the right time. You smiled lightly as you felt yourself being quite smitten with the man before you.

“I didn’t know him…but I knew of his intentions.” He calmly breathes out. You nod lightly as you chuckled. “Oh so you must be a detective or something.” You playfully pushed out, yet the sincerity was genuine as you really had thought that the man was investigating the attacker. It wasn’t until he shook his head, your brows furrowed in slight confusion. “Oh…well how did you know then?” You asked, formulating a slight smile as you yearned to hear out the explanation.

“The look in his eye.”

You shift your gaze from left to right before making it back to center. You were so confused by his vague statement, you urged him to elaborate. “The look?”

“Yeah, the look.”

He remained evasive to give closure, which caused you to feel a little uneasy as you noticed his steps forward. “That same one that I get…from time to time.”

You piece the code of his wordings all too quickly, yet you felt frozen as he closes the distance. With a terrible feeling in your gut, you listen as he continues to enlighten you with his shuttering voice.

“As many times as I get that feeling…that look in my eye…it always came with the intention of taking something valuable away. I violate and plunge to destroy their minds endlessly…but with you-“

He pauses as he reaches up and softly punches your hair, rubbing them together. “This is the first time I’ve wanted to give…and build something beautiful.”

His hazy look showed you that the man seemed to be in lust or smitten. But it was also dangerous, and the meaning of his words told you of his intentions. You backed away, trying to figure out your next move as you find it impossible to believe that you went from one attacker to seemingly another. “D-don’t…wait…just-“ you stutter out as Jake predicted your movements. With force and strength, he grips your arms and levitates your entire weight in mid air as he lays you down on the couch. His movements were much more gentle than the previous attackers. He even went so far as to gently trail his fingertips along your scrapes, which he had cleaned while you were unconscious.

“Poor babygirl…he hurt you, huh?”

You wiggled and tried to break free as he hovered above. Leaning into your ear, he whispers a deadly conclusion of the other man’s end. “He‘s never going to hurt you again, Princess.”

Your movements come to a pause as you look at him confused and shocked. Watching as Jake bit down on his lip, he smiles deviously as he proceeds to fill you in.

“I made him promise not to.”

You breathed cautiously as you eagerly asked. “…what…did you do?”

Unexpectedly, his words told you of a different ending than what the previous has led you to believe.

“I killed him anyway. You can’t trust a man like that, believe me.”

Burrowing his head into your neck, you felt the sweet kisses of his lips as you screamed out, trying to break free from the developing grasp he formed around your wrists. He continued on as you squirmed from under him. “I tore his mouth apart, and pissed in it. I did it for what he was trying to do to you…babygirl…”

You panic as you kick into open air, he was so much more strategic with his hold and movements that he left no part of him vulnerable to your creativity. “No one is ever going to hurt you. You’re safe. You’ll always be safe. I’m going to keep you. I’ll make you happy….as long as you make me happy.”

You felt his tongue trailing over your collarbone as his large hand took hold on both of yours. Pinning them over your head, he unbuttons your blouse and unzips your jeans. “Stop!” You cry out.

“You belong to me. I'm never going to let anyone touch you like that…the way you have me feeling right now…you wicked girl.”

Raising his head, he pinches your chin with his two fingers as he levels your vision with his. A dangerous smirk on his face tells you of a heated passion, lust, desire and even love…but not the type that you read in romance stories or saw in movies. No. This was a type of sentiment that was full of conflict, chaos, and poison…coming from him, it was going to be deadly.

With a few strokes of his thumb, he softly tells you…

“Just relax baby…I’m not going to treat you like the others. You deserve better…you deserve the world, and I’m about to give it to you.”

Taglist: @nshmrarki , @lprww , @baekxo07 , @m7omo@nikstrange@heeshees@moonmoongi@heesitation@heeseung-min @nctsslut @heeseung-min @addictedtohobi

[prismaticpichu]

Heya, friendos 💖

To a certain and safe extent, I like to be transparent with things around here, and I do think this is one of those times where it’s appropriate. With that said, life has been… fucking messy lately. Disastrous mental health has currently stopped me from attending school, and I don’t know how long this stretch of severe ickiness is going to last; it could be a few more days, weeks, months… who fucking knows lol. It’s honestly one of the worst headspaces I’ve been in my entire life, and I’m not even sure what to do with that life at the moment.

Anyways, like I said, I just like being open and honest with y’all ❤️ There are times where the ickiness can bleed into the tone of my posts/mood, and I just want there to be some justification for it ig xD

That also said, if there are any fanfic prompts you’d like me to tackle, plz do feel free to send ‘em over ❤️ Even if I can’t attend school at the moment, even if I tentatively may not be able to go to college, I don’t want to give up my dream of being an author—or even just a decent writer, period. Now… is fanfic going to fix all my problems? Absolutely not, and it never will. But if there’s one thing that genuinely keeps me going, it’s my drive to entertain and spread even the faintest sparks of joy. If I can’t necessarily muster the strength to smile, then I want to try to make others find that strength. Already shelved a few multichaps I completely (for now) lost motivation in, so mental plate’s pretty clean in terms of starting new things. Can’t promise they’ll be done immediately (sometimes my energy is zip x,D), but it’s something to keep the brain busy and distracted. And as always, ofc, there is no pressure whatsoever to send anything in ❤️

Take care out there, friendos <333 We’ve got this!!

[genreweird]

there’s a picture i can’t get out of my head, of the road outside my partner’s house. it wasn’t her family that took it, we found it on social media in a compilation of images of the destruction. the trees & greenery are gone. the road itself is broken, crumbling, unusable. the creek is swollen & muddy. i’ve driven that route countless times, loved it, & now it’s just gone. how are we supposed to go home? i couldn’t reach my family for three days. i have friends who are also away at college, forced to watch our hometowns drown from a distance, who still haven’t heard from their loved ones. i know it’s better for us to be out of danger, to share resources with those who are trapped rather than to need them ourselves. it still feels like exile. every road into my county was damaged too badly for anyone to leave or enter.

& all i can do is share resources & look at the pictures—that stretch of new river under which lies the park where my partner & i read in the sunlight & counted sixty different dogs this summer, my childhood church sunken up to its stained glass windows, the homes destroyed. I learned this morning that my own house is damaged, but i likely won’t see it for weeks. everyone i know from appalachia is reeling with the same pain, if they aren’t in their homes or displaced in their towns, facing the disaster themselves.

this crisis is not normal. this has never happened to appalachia before—hurricanes don’t reach this far, the mountains protect us, but not this time. nobody was prepared. i’m lucky because my hometown is a tourist destination, so we have national attention, but what about the rural towns? the ones who can’t even ask for help because they won’t have cell service for weeks & all their roads are annihilated? we’ve all been hurt so badly.

& it makes me think of the other people around the world who have lost their homes because of the climate crisis. those in the global south who don’t have access to even the limited resources appalachia does. those in palestine & lebanon whose homes have been annihilated. their pain is undoubtedly worse, but the underlying motivations of what’s harming us are the same—corporate greed, imperialistic fervor. capitalism-driven climate change will hurt all of us, & here is the proof. look: there’s nowhere in the world to hide.

keep appalachia in your thoughts. don’t look away, please. i’ll reblog this with a list of places to donate & resources for people in appalachia. & in the meantime, take care of your communities. that’s the most constructive thing any of us can do.

[yuurei20]

Silver Info Compilation part 7: Silver and Malleus

While Silver is quieter in general than Sebek he seems equally devoted to Malleus, with voice lines like, “I hope to attend a Night Raven College ceremony alongside Malleus”, “I’ve no desire to reflect poorly on Malleus”, “I train myself ardently to better protect Malleus and his entourage” and “The stronger I get, the better I can protect Malleus. That is why I seek as much power as I can get.”

When Malleus compliments Kalim and Deuce during New Years he says that one might say they have “taken on the mien of a true guardian”, and when Sebek responds with poorly Silver responds that his envy his “understandable”.

Silver worries about performing poorly in a class and being an embarrassment to Malleus in a vignette, and explains to Idia that he “cannot let anything happen to Malleus”.

Idia comments that maybe Silver’s loyalty is just a result of scared to defy Malleus, and Silver responds, “I will do anything for the man I have pledged my loyalty to.”

Vil has learned how to take advantage of Silver’s loyalty to Malleus manipulate him, namedropping Malleus to pressure Silver into participating in a Film Club project (“Does he mean to say that I will sully Malleus’ good name if I refuse?…I cannot bring shame upon Malleus”) and to get Silver to join his group during Beanfest.

During Spectral Soiree Cater encourages Silver to share his woes with himself and Jamil, with the ulterior motive of picking up “some secret intel on Malleus Draconia”.

While just as loyal to Malleus as Sebek Silver and Sebek differ in opinion on how strict they ought to be with guarding him: Silver tells Malleus that if he ever finds Sebek's presence stifling he should tell him “as clearly as possible”, while Sebek insists he wouldn’t dream of stifling their liege.

Silver expresses exasperation of Sebek’s insistence to do things like handle clothing stains on Malleus’ behalf despite Malleus being perfectly capable of such simple feats of magic.

In a vignette Silver explains to Kalim that he and Sebek got into an argument over the strictness of their patrols, with Sebek accusing him of negligence toward Malleus.

Silver is distraught by the thought that he has hurt Malleus by failing to understand his feelings, saying that he couldn’t even eat his favorite risotto at lunch, as “Whenever I lifted my spoon, I would think of Malleus and stop.”

(After Kalim reveals that he “would be completely lost” without Jamil, however, Silver decides that being overprotective must be avoided at all costs.)

In a vignette Malleus invites Silver out to introduce him to the school’s gargoyles as a part of his Gargoyle Study Club activities, but is consistently disappointed in Silver’s inability to tell the difference between a gargoyle and a grotesque, and his presumption that gargoyles are generally monsters.

After receiving a lecture Silver tells Malleus that he feels they have grown closer, and he wishes to gift Malleus with a gargoyle for his room.

The vignette ends with Malleus beginning a new lesson on gargoyles to teach Silver “at greater length.”Silver losing track of Malleus is a common theme repeated in Phantom Bride and at least one vignette, but in the main story we see that it is not exactly Silver’s fault: it seems there are times when Malleus actively runs away from him and Sebek, leaving Silver to take the blame.Malleus says there “is something to be said” for the level of perseverance that drives Silver to train hard every morning.

The two characters have interesting overlap through lines about things that do not betray you: hard work for Silver, stars for Malleus.

・Silver Info Compilation Part 1: Humor ・Silver Info Compilation Part 2: Sleeping ・Silver Info Compilation part 3: Animals, Art and Floyd ・Silver Info Compilation part 4: Appearance and Emotions ・Silver Info Compilation part 5: Sebek (pt1) ・Silver Info Compilation part 6: Silver and Sebek (pt2)

[3-aem]

saw your message from a few days ago. i stopped art after i graduated highschool, not because i wanted too, i just struggled to sit down and produce art between college classes and after that a full time job. i miss it so much. i am 23 now and have created maybe 10 pieces since highschool and i am filled with regret about it. starting again is difficult because all the skills i had are dull and rusted, and its frustrating. i am trying, but no matter what, id say quitting art entirely is a poor idea. love your art btw ❤️❤️❤️ sorry for the sad message

I wanted to answer these in some order but reading this I kind of sprang up like “WAIT I felt that same way in 2020!!”

I had the exact same sense of regret and frustration. Like one day I woke up and went everyone is so much better at art than I am- I used to be considered good at this.

And i feared that regret resurfacing if i stopped until honestly this year. When I lost my job earlier this year was somehow when i realized that art wasn’t the only thing that could bring fulfillment. And that maybe by tunneling in on how do i not feel that sense of loss again I’ve discounted out all the other aspects of life that make me feel happy.

Idk I’d still say it’s worth it to just keep going. The only way to ensure you don’t get there is to stop. I still see art that makes me go fk!!!! thats so good im trash!!! and now it motivates me to keep trying rather than get frustrated.

[dosomethingplease83]

I’m a quite tipsy right now, because election night and my birthday are the only occasions when I drink, so please excuse the spelling errors and inconsistency/inaccuracy in my reasoning.

It hasn’t been called yet, but it looks like Harris is going to lose this election. Fuck.

I think the Supreme Court is going to be conservative (and not *moderate, Mitt Romney-esque conservative*) until I’m at least my dad’s age. Again, Fuck. (Unless there’s some major Supreme Court reform in the next decade or so, but even then, it’s not going to happen in the next four years).

The House and Senate also went Republican, so Republicans (and Trump-Republicans) will be able to push through any right-wing legislation they want with no one to stop them. FUCK!

On top of that, it’s not like 2016 where Trump lost the popular vote, but won the Electoral College. Trump’s winning the popular vote too! I thought that since the first disastrous Trump presidency was in recent memory, non-Trump Republicans and undecided/swing voters would remember how awful it was and either abstain from voting for Trump or vote for Harris. I was wrong, I guess Trump is like a Faustian bargain for moderate Republicans. When Biden was still running, the messaging was that we were voting for him because of the administration he would appoint, regardless of his own incompetence. I guess the moderate Republicans reasoned the same way.

I can’t think of a worse outcome. And I can’t pinpoint a singular point where the Harris campaign went wrong. Were they too pro-Israel? Were they not pro-Israel enough? Was it the time where she said that she wouldn’t do anything different than Biden? Was it Biden’s fault for promising to be a transitional president, and then running for a second term, and then waiting until July to drop out and endorse Harris? Was it the fact that Harris is a woman (and a woman of color at that)? I think picking Walz was a good choice, I’ve never seen anything negative said about him, but it wasn’t enough to save the campaign. “She has to be flawless, he gets to be lawless” indeed.

Even my solidly-blue state of Minnesota went purple this year. I know it’ll turn out blue by morning, but it’s still very disappointing.

If I had to give a piece of advice to the Democratic Party, it would be, “stop running female candidates for president.” America just isn’t ready. I don’t think many people were motivated to vote for her because she’d be the *first woman president*. Sure it’d be historic, it would be a good sign of progress for women in this country, but democrats/leftists of voting age don’t really care about the candidate’s gender. Look, Harris (and also Hillary Clinton) is WAY more qualified to be president than Trump, but America is too sexist to get past the fact that Harris is a woman, and the presidency is way to important to risk. We tried it twice, almost in a row. And the second time, American voters knew what a Trump presidency would look like! And even a mediocre candidate like Biden, who promised to be a transitional president (read: just vote for me to get rid of the awful other guy) won easily! Yeah, it’s wrong to discriminate on the basis of sex/gender, but if we want to win a presidential election (or a difficult, non-incumbent congressional or gubernatorial election), the best bet is a man. And winning is what counts, what saves lives, what changes policy and laws.

Right now, my thoughts are with my nephew, who is to be born in about two weeks. What kind of world will he grow up in? What will his homeschool education teach him about this point in history, and the decade that lead up to it? Will he be glad he was born in this time and country, or at all?

My own public-school was lacking. “World history” was about the classical era around the Mediterranean, and then medieval-WW1 in Europe. In the next few years, I should quit picking up on odd tidbits of history from Tumblr and actually learn world history on my own somehow. I despair when I think of my own life; I have to learn stuff for him, so I can be the cool aunt who teaches him stuff (like how gay people and Muslims aren’t the spawn of Satan).

I’m unemployed because of a yet-to-be-diagnosed disability that means about 80% of my daily energy is spent on survival, and I live with those aforementioned Mitt-Romney-esque Republicans who held their nose and voted for Trump because of the people he would appoint, so I don’t think that attending a protest or joining some activist group is in my near future. But I will focus more on the education that I missed (because I was basically narcoleptic in 11th and 12th grade, sleeping through half of my classes every day. I only passed because I’m very good at test-taking).

I don’t know how we crawl out of this. I’ll survive, many won’t. I don’t know when the 2016 election cycle will finally end. I just know that everything does, eventually, end. Even if not all of us will see it.