#i’ve given myself 10 more days
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#i’ve given myself 10 more days#do i want to be loved or do i want to be a woman#i need to choose what i value more#i need another man to love me#that is a given#i genuinely feel that if i turn 20 and i have never had a boyfriend i am genuinely a failure as a person#being truly loved by a man has become the one ultimate goal of my life#i don’t care how rich i am or how smart i am or how i look if i can’t come home to a man#and im just so so torn#because i maybe can get a boyfriend if i don’t transition#i’ll be 6’2 and that’s a free pass for a boyfriend#but i’ll be loved in the 6’2 way#i don’t want to be the man in the relationship#but if i transition#i may never be loved#i may be ugly and freakish and manly and never pass#and then i’ll really kill myself#then i’ll really be a failure#that’s not to say i’ll be better as a man#what if i turn 18 and im 6’2 and i just ahte my body#there’s no way to get shorter#that’s just it for me#ill slit my wrist within six months i just know it#i don’t know if i should stay alone and try figure out what i am and what i should to or if i should go get help#im just so scared for the future#i’ll be dead by 40 because of climate change#maybe i should just be a backpacker#no roots no judgement
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I’ve been told to make this caption from one of my photos (yes this is me in the photo). I have no control over any of this, I’ve been told what tags to use and how long the post is to be pinned to the top of my page. 😥
The post is up for three months (until June 8) and I am scared about how long I’ll get!!
P-p-please be nice. I d-d-don’t want my life ruined!! 😭😭😭
Update. If this post hits 100 REBLOGS I have to get a larger plug and dildo.
Update 2. You are all mean (specially @count-alta with your 20-odd reblogs)😤😭😭 I now have to get a larger plug and dildo. If it gets to 300 REBLOGS then I have to make a Discord server to show that I am in fact wearing the cage and plug 😭😭😭😭 this is getting both out of control and expensive
Update 3. It hasn’t even been a week. 😢😢 I’ve been instructed to add note milestones. I’ve only been given a couple for now but more will be added if any of you suggest something my dominant likes.
Update 4. I’m back from a brief hiatus from Tumblr while I settled into a new job, and I discovered that this post really took off. I now have to make discord (coming soon) and I’ve been given a new Reblog MILESTONE. If this post reaches 500 Reblogs I will have to start HRT. If it hits 1000 Reblogs then I have to find a man to fuck me on camera 😭😭😭😭. Please be nice.
Update 5: whelp it’s done. My Discord server is live
1500 notes: I have to keep myself hairless from the nose down.
1700 notes: Make an Amazon Wishlist and add 100 toys and clothes for anyone to buy. Anyone who buys them will get a free show with what they bought
1800 notes: my hair must be grown out
2000 notes: I have to resume my BambiSleeps regimen
2500 notes: Practice deepthroating the current sized dildo twice a week
2750 notes: I now have listen to Bambi sleeps every morning, afternoon and night on my days off
3000 notes: Sit on a 7-inch dildo 2 times a week for 30 min
3250 notes: I have to start using she/her pronouns
3500 notes: I have start wearing a bra everyday
3750 notes: Use a large plug now
4000 notes: I have to start an OF (ManyVids and webcamming as well once I find a better living arrangement)
4250: I have to film myself suck cock
4500 notes: i can only ever cum from anal
5000 notes: I can only wear androgynous clothing. Nothing overtly masculine
5100 notes: Sit on an 8-inch dildo 3 times a week for 30 min
5400 notes: Listen to Bambisleep hypno every time I do anal
6000 notes: edge with a Hitachi magic wand for 30 once a week
6500 notes: start using a ball gag whenever I do anal
7100 notes: Once a week I have to film myself anal training and share it to the discord channel
8000 notes: Sit on a 9-inch dildo 4 times a week for 30 min
8500 notes: I must listen to ALL hypno that is sent to me
9000 notes: The Hitachi edging session becomes twice a week
12300 notes: Clicker train myself to get horny to the thought of cock
13200 notes: Use an XL plug now
13500 notes: Only use 10-inch toys from now on sit on it 6 times a week for 30 min, once a week use a 12+ inch toy
15000 notes: I have to get either bottom surgery or an orchiectomy
20000 notes: I have to be spit roasted
25000 notes: I have to be the center of a Blow Bang
32500 notes: I have to be the center of a Gangbang 😳😳😳
#feminine sissy#submisive sissy#beta sissy#sissy tasks#sissifyme#humiliation sissy#permanent feminization#ruin me pls. so fkn hot#ruin my life#forced feminized#naughty sissy#beta sub#feminization hypnosis#feminizationtraining#humiliated sissy#caged chastity#locked in caged#sissy caged#cage slave#sissy and slave#reblog#bambi sleep#bambification#bambisleep#bambi subliminals#bimbo toy#bimbo in training#trans bimbo#trans nsft#trans ns/fw
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Thanks for being patient with me! This is edited on about four hours of sleep so apologies for any errors <3
part 1 │ part 2 │ part 3 │ part 4 │part 5 │ part 6 │ part 7 │ part 8 │ part 9 │ part 10 │ part 11 │ part 12 │ part 13
roommate!James x shy!reader ♡ 1.6k words
Water sizzles on the stove. You reach over to turn down the heat, your side heating from its proximity to the boiling water, before spinning back around to keep speed-chopping onion. This is a result of poor planning.
It’s possible that some of your nerves could be reinterpreted as excitement. Giddiness, even. You’re finally—finally—doing something to try and repay all the kindness James shows you. You’ve felt like such a mooch, eating his cooking and stealing his time with his friends, but last week had been too much for you to take. He’d discovered the stomach bug you were weathering, and James had completely devoted the next two days of his life to making sure you were looked after.
Your fever had gotten so out of hand he’d very nearly followed through on his favorite threat (going into your phone while you’re sleeping and phoning your mum), and though you’d done your best to downplay it at the time there are admittedly gaps in your memory wherein you think you were simply too out of it to know what was going on. It’s not a very comforting thought when you’re harboring a humiliating crush on your roommate; you may well have been just as talkative as James always is, you don’t know. At least he hasn’t said anything.
He had, thankfully, managed to avoid catching it. You’re not sure how he managed what no one on your shift at work did, but you assume it has something to do with all that kale he eats. Which is why you’re doing your best to make the thank-you meal you’re making him as healthy as might suit his standards.
You hear his key in the door, and a little frisson goes up your spine.
“You’re early,” you accuse as he walks in.
“Since when do you know when my training ends?” James asks. You sound like you’re sniping at one another, but as usual the joviality in his tone is unmissable.
The sounds of his entrance are familiar, perhaps more ingrained in your mind than they ought to be. Keys jingling as he hangs them on the hook, shoes toed off and left by the mat, heavy footsteps headed for wherever you are in the apartment.
When he finds you in the kitchen, you both speak at once.
“What happened to your shoulder?”
“You know how to cook?”
“Hurt it at training,” James answers, shrugging with the shoulder that doesn’t have an ice pack held to it. He’s probably too nice for it to occur to him to withhold his answer until you’ve given yours, as had been your first thought. “What are you making?”
“How did you hurt it?” Worry pries at your tone. Your hands have stilled on the cutting board.
“We had a scrimmage, and I got shoulder-barged.” He gives you a smile, a shadow of the real thing, but gentler. Reassuring. “It’s not bad.”
You frown. “I don’t know what that means.”
“Didn’t expect you to, love.”
“Why do you need to ice it if it’s not bad?”
There’s a look in James’ eyes that’s wavering between smugness and softness. You balk at the sight of it. “I need to be a bit careful with it,” he hedges, “but it’ll be good by morning. Now, you’ve distracted me. Do you mean to tell me you’ve known how to cook this entire time?”
“Yes,” you concede with a laugh. “I’ve always said I cook for myself when you’re not around.”
“And here you are, doing it right before my eyes.” James leans on the counter with his good arm. He looks immensely entertained. “I’m honored.”
“This isn’t just for me,” you say, looking down to resume chopping onion as your face warms slightly. “It’s for—” Another remonstrative hiss from the stove, and you whip around, moving the pot off the hot part entirely. You’re a bit relieved for the excuse to face away from him. “It’s for both of us. Also, I just want to provide a disclaimer right now that I never said I was good at cooking, only that I knew how.”
James’ laugh rumbles behind you, just as you knew it would. He’s too easy. You can practically feel the force of his smile hitting your back, like the sunshine brought inside.
“Here,” he says, taking a couple of steps toward you, “let me help.”
“No!” You whirl again, stopping him before he can actually enter the kitchen. “No way. James, I’m trying to do something nice.”
“And it is very nice,” he says, earnest. “It just seems like you could use a hand.”
“I’ve got it,” you insist. Your hands are up to ward him off, but you put them at your sides when you realize how close they’re hovering to his chest. “It doesn't count as doing something for you if you do it yourself. Anyway, you’re incapacitated.”
“I’m…” James looks confused, but then he glances down to his icing shoulder. “Oh, come on. I’m hardly immobilized.”
“For all intents and purposes, you are.” You do your best to infuse your voice with conviction. You’ve found that’s usually the way with James. If you show any hesitation, he’ll turn on the charm and have you eating out of his hand before you know what’s happened. You herd him away from the kitchen. “Go sit down. Dinner will be ready soon.”
You can’t help but be aware of him as you finish up, knowing he has to hear the sizzling when you accidentally spill things onto the stove or the one mumbled curse you’re not quick enough to bite back. All evidence that you’re not nearly as practiced a cook as James. You can practically feel his grin from a room over. Still, when it's done you’re fairly proud of yourself.
James is beaming as he accepts his bowl. He hikes his knees up so you can pass between the couch and the coffee table, making a show of sniffing the steam rising from the food.
“Is this risotto?” he asks, waiting for your little nod before his mouth drops open in astonishment. “You are so sneaky! I didn’t know you could cook at all, let alone fancy shit like this.”
“It’s not that hard to make.” You look down at your fork as you raise it to your lips, blowing.
“Sure it is! Loads of people have a hard time with it.”
“Do you?”
James grins, caught. You feel your own smile tugging at your lips as you take a bite.
He follows suit, forking a bit of the risotto and blowing to cool it before taking it in his mouth. His eyes dip closed, head lolling back, and he moans.
“Oh my god, this is good. I’m never cooking again, now that I know you can do this.”
You take another bite to avoid a response. You’re fairly sure the heat from your face could power the apartment for a month.
James makes a few more over-the-top compliments of your culinary skills, which you deflect as best you can. As always, you eat mostly silently while he chatters, but when you look over your attention gets snagged on his shoulder.
He’s only using the one hand to eat, bowl resting in his lap while you hold yours up closer to your face. His ice pack sits beside him now that he can’t hold it on anymore. You catch yourself gnawing on the inside of your lip.
“Does it hurt?” you ask.
James looks over, following your gaze. “Yeah,” he admits. “Nothing I’m not used to, though.”
You feel your eyebrows pinch. “You get hurt often?”
He smiles bemusedly. “It’s rugby, love. Getting a bit roughed up is part of the deal.”
This doesn’t sit right with you. Though you hadn’t pondered it much before, you realize you’ve sort of been thinking of James, with his muscles and constant smiles and easygoing manner, as somewhat invincible. He seems like such a source of light in the world, it hadn’t occurred to you that anything bad could happen to him. You don’t like the idea of him being hurt. In any capacity.
You realize this is likely playing out on your face when you notice James watching you. His eyes are soft. “As much as I would love to milk this for attention and maybe a sponge bath,” he says, setting his fork in his bowl, “it’s really not that bad. See?”
He pulls down the sleeve of his shirt, and the effort to placate you is wasted. You take in a quiet, horrified gasp at the deeply colored bruise on James’ shoulder. One of your hands raises as if to touch it. It hovers in the space between you.
“That’s not that bad?” you look at James in alarm. “It looks broken.”
“It’s not,” he laughs. It’s a bit awkward, as close to self-conscious as you’ve ever seen him. “Trust me, I’ve had a couple broken bones in my time. It’s only bruised, and the muscle’s a bit strained.”
The muscle, you’re noticing now, is quite substantial. Your focus is on the bruise, but the shoulder beneath it is eye-catching as well, hefty and taut-looking, presumably from the strain. That, or James is flexing.
You raise your gaze quickly to his. Brown eyes tinged with smugness.
“You’re worried about me.” His lips stretch into a grin. Not your favorite one in his arsenal. “Aw, sweetheart, I love you too.”
You direct your attention back to your food, face hotter than hot. “I have justification for worry,” you say, the teasing tone you were going for undercut by the unintentional softness of your voice. “You’re voluntarily participating in a sport that seems like it’s trying to kill you.”
James takes a self-satisfied bite of his risotto. “I don’t know, I was pretty worried when you fainted in my arms last week.”
You side-eye him suspiciously. “I didn’t actually do that.”
“Guess you’ll never know.”
#roommate!james potter#shy!reader#roommate!james potter x shy!reader#james potter au#james potter#james potter x shy!reader#james potter x reader#james potter x fem!reader#james potter x y/n#james potter x you#james potter x self insert#james potter fanfiction#james potter fanfic#james potter fic#james potter fluff#james potter hurt/comfort#james potter imagine#james potter scenario#james potter drabble#james potter blurb#james potter one shot#james potter oneshot#marauders#marauders fanfiction#marauders fandom#the marauders#hp marauders#marauders x reader#marauders au
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Character Development: 70 Questions
Self-Reflective Questions. To help jumpstart self-reflection (Woronko, n.d.):
Am I using my time wisely?
Am I taking anything for granted?
Am I employing a healthy perspective?
Am I living true to myself?
Am I waking up in the morning ready to take on the day?
Am I thinking negative thoughts before I fall asleep?
Am I putting enough effort into my relationships?
Am I taking care of myself physically?
Am I letting matters that are out of my control stress me out?
Am I achieving the goals that I’ve set for myself?
The following are questions you can ask yourself every day to get to know yourself better (William, n.d.):
Who am I, really?
What worries me most about the future?
If this were the last day of my life, would I have the same plans for today?
What am I really scared of?
Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
If not now, then when?
What matters most in my life?
What am I doing about the things that matter most in my life?
Why do I matter?
Have I done anything lately that’s worth remembering?
Have I made someone smile today?
What have I given up on?
When did I last push the boundaries of my comfort zone?
If I had to instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby, what advice would I give?
What small act of kindness was I once shown that I will never forget?
How will I live, knowing I will die?
What do I need to change about myself?
Is it more important to love or be loved?
How many of my friends would I trust with my life?
Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
Would I break the law to save a loved one?
Would I steal to feed a starving child?
What do I want most in life?
What is life asking of me?
Which is worse: failing or never trying?
If I try to fail and succeed, what have I done?
What’s the one thing I’d like others to remember about me at the end of my life?
Does it really matter what others think about me?
To what degree have I actually controlled the course of my life?
When all is said and done, what will I have said more than I’ve done?
These prompts and questions are great ways to put your journal to use (Tartakovsky, 2014):
My favorite way to spend the day is . . .
If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is . . .
The two moments I’ll never forget in my life are . . . (Describe them in great detail, and what makes them so unforgettable.)
Make a list of 30 things that make you smile.
“Write about a moment experienced through your body. Making love, making breakfast, going to a party, having a fight, an experience you’ve had or you imagine for your character. Leave out thought and emotion, and let all information be conveyed through the body and senses.”
The words I’d like to live by are . . .
I couldn’t imagine living without . . .
When I’m in pain—physical or emotional—the kindest thing I can do for myself is . . .
Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support you, and whom you can genuinely trust. Then, make time to hang out with them.
What does unconditional love look like for you?
What things would you do if you loved yourself unconditionally? How can you act on these things, even if you’re not yet able to love yourself unconditionally?
I really wish others knew this about me . . .
Name what is enough for you.
If my body could talk, it would say . . .
Name a compassionate way you’ve supported a friend recently. Then, write down how you can do the same for yourself.
What do you love about life?
What always brings tears to your eyes? (As Paulo Coelho has said, “Tears are words that need to be written.”)
Write about a time when your work felt real, necessary and satisfying to you, whether the work was paid or unpaid, professional or domestic, physical or mental.
Write about your first love—whether it’s a person, place or thing.
Using 10 words, describe yourself.
What’s surprised you the most about your life or life in general?
What can you learn from your biggest mistakes?
I feel most energized when . . .
“Write a list of questions to which you urgently need answers.”
Make a list of everything that inspires you—whether books, websites, quotes, people, paintings, stores, or stars in the sky.
What’s one topic you need to learn more about to help you live a more fulfilling life? (Then, follow through and learn more about that topic.)
I feel happiest in my skin when . . .
Make a list of everything you’d like to say no to.
Make a list of everything you’d like to say yes to.
Write the words you need to hear.
Source ⚜ More: Writing Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs
#character development#writing reference#writeblr#writing inspiration#writers on tumblr#spilled ink#dark academia#literature#writing prompt#character building#poets on tumblr#psychology#light academia#fiction#creative writing#writing inspo#writing ideas#writing tips#writing advice#james tissot#writing resources
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cami would you write a sub abby? like maybe where she needs your help to get off?🤭🩷
my sweet dani, that mind of yours truly is incredible…i wrote this one just for you querida 🤍
close call
contractor!abby anderson x joel’s daughter!reader
- summary: it’s the night before the annual bake sale, and abby needs your touch now more than ever.
- content: smut MDNI, no outbreak/modern au, contractor/engineer!abby, texas living, no sarah, joel & jerry are still alive (jerry is not a doctor in this), reader has a business degree, abby gets needy, sneaking out, oral & fingering (a!receiving), masturbation (r), abby whimpering and begging?? and i think that’s it but lmk if i missed anything
- author’s note: well if i’m being honest i really did not expect to be writing another contractor!abby fic so soon, but this request gives so much desperate contractor!abby energy that i just had to do it. however i do have to clarify that this is not a part 3. i’ve stated this before in one of my asks, but part 3 is going to be more about the bake sale…this is just more of a little bonus chapter i guess.
anyways, this one’s for you dani, and for all of my contractor!abby fans out there that need a little pick me up rn. i hope y’all enjoy it 🫶🏻
You didn’t expect to be doing it again so soon.
After you had snuck your way out of work to go see Abby at her father’s contracting site, you have to admit that the rest of this week flew by surprisingly fast for you.
You had been keeping yourself occupied in the meantime, between doing customer calls at work and preparing for the bake sale, you’ve been quite patient with yourself and didn’t feel the need to have to sneak out again until the next time you’d plan to see Abby. It was almost as if you simply had just been sick that day, and Abby’s touch was the remedy that cured you.
Although…there might be a feeling that you’ve jinxed yourself in saying so when you receive a phone call the night before.
You spent the morning on your work shift as usual, and your dad was generous enough to let you go before lunchtime so you could start baking for the sale tomorrow. After spending the rest of your day prepping, mixing, baking, and decorating, you were left with a variety of fresh pastries by sundown, ready to sell the next morning.
By the time you finished cleaning up the kitchen and getting ready for bed, the clock struck 10 p.m. Normally you’d stay up a little longer, but after the exhausting day you’ve had today, you genuinely needed to rest for tomorrow. You had to be downtown by 7 a.m. to set up at the farmer’s market for the bake sale. Given how weary you were, it didn’t take long for you to fall asleep.
However, you were only able to get a few hours of sleep in before your phone began to ring.
The sound of your ringtone startles you awake. Letting out a tired groan, you muster up the energy to reach over to your nightstand to turn on your light and pick up your phone to see who was calling you.
“Abby?” you whisper to yourself, rubbing your eyes to get a better look at the screen. Once you do, the phone call disappears and your lock screen shows with the missed notification, giving you a chance to look at the time.
It was barely past 1 a.m. Why the hell was she calling you this late?
Her contact name shows up once again in a second call, and this time you swipe to answer.
“Abby…what is it?” you answer groggily to her.
“Hey…are you awake?” she asks shyly.
You roll your eyes before responding. “I am now.”
“Look, I’m sorry if I did wake you up, but I really need you right now…”
Her words start to replay in your head. The tone she had in her voice…she didn’t sound like her usual, cocky self. She sounded desperate…kind of like how you were the last time you saw her.
“Abby, it’s one in the morning…what is it that can’t wait until later?”
You knew what she was asking for, you just needed to make her say it. Kind of like how she made you tell her last time.
“I um…I can’t get myself off,” she muttered back. It was quiet, but not quiet enough to where you couldn’t hear her.
You simply nod, soon remembering that she couldn’t see you right now. “Alright, um…do you have your boxers on, then?”
“No—I mean, yes I do, but I don’t mean this…I need you to come over.”
You scoff at her through the phone. She truly can’t be serious. Having to do this over the phone would already be difficult enough for you. But to sneak yourself out in the middle of the night to do so? It was going to be too much.
“Abby, you can’t be serious right now—“
“Come on, baby, don’t be like that…My dad isn’t even home right now, please?”
“Okay, but my dad is.” You reply to her instantly. “There’s no way I’m gonna be able to get out of my house without waking him up.”
You keep trying to tell her that it’s not going to work out, but Abby continues to beg about it. As much as you wanted to, it clearly wasn't the right time to do so. But eventually, you just had to give in.
“Okay, fine! I’ll come over…” you said, quickly lowering your voice down. “Just…just give me five minutes.”
After hanging up the phone, you get up from your bed, taking the time to stretch in the process. Grabbing the first pair of shoes you find, you quickly slip them on before grabbing your phone and keys and exiting your room.
Once you’ve shut the door, you begin to tiptoe down the hall as to not wake up your father. The door of Joel’s bedroom was slightly cracked open, and you could see that he was fast asleep. You quietly pass by his bedroom and make your way down the stairs, praying that the wood doesn't start creaking from the weight of your footsteps.
Before you know it, you’ve successfully made it out the door, and you begin to cross the street to Abby’s place. Once you’ve made it to her front door, your phone buzzes again.
“Abby: there’s a spare key under the mat.”
Jesus. The least she could’ve done was to have let you in her own house, especially since you had to do most of the work sneaking yourself out.
You reach down and slide your hand under the doormat, quickly finding the key that was hidden underneath before unlocking the door and letting yourself in. It’s the first time you’ve been inside Abby’s house, and you’re not bothered to even get a good look at it, you just needed to find her right now.
After wandering throughout her house for what feels like forever, you finally find her bedroom. Not even bothering to knock, you simply walk in to see Abby lying in the center of her bed, her long blonde locks draped over her shoulders, and her muscle tank covering her top half while the rest of her body was covered with her duvet from the waist down.
“Hey,” she pants out, propping herself up on her bed to get a better look at you. “I’m so sorry I had to—“
“Sit up,” you tell her, cutting off her sentence.
“What?”
“You heard me. Sit up.”
You then walk your way over to the left side of her bed and kneel on the ground, causing Abby to scramble around and sit up from her bed. Once you’re settled on the ground, she’s got her legs hanging off the bed, and you can see that she doesn’t have anything on underneath.
“Thought you said you had your boxers on,” you told her.
“I-I did…I just couldn’t wait for you to get here…” she replies, looking away from you as she does so.
“And you say I’m the needy one…” you mutter to yourself. You then spread Abby’s legs open, revealing her pussy to you. Despite how truly annoyed you were that she made you have to sneak out in the middle of the night, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to be touching her like this right now…because your mouth was practically watering at the sight of her wet pussy.
Without hesitation, you insert two of your fingers inside her. Her body jerks back for a moment at the sudden touch, before soon settling down, letting her pussy relax around your fingers.
It seemed like Abby was trying to compose herself right now because you could hear how hard she was trying to hold back her whimpers and whines as you kept slowly pumping your fingers in and out of her.
“M-More…” she whispers out to you, trying her best to not sound needy.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” You asked, eyes still fixated on her pussy.
“I-I need more, please…” she responds, her voice just a little louder this time.
You look up at her as your fingers continue to move inside her pussy, your movements not stopping as you maintained eye contact with her. “I’m gonna need you to be more specific than that, Abigail, or else I’m not giving you what you want,” you tell her sternly.
You can easily see her trying to hold back her frustration right now, and you were honestly enjoying it. The fact that you’ve put her in this state of submission outside of her usual cocky persona truly has you beaming with pride.
“I—fuck—I need your mouth, p-please…” she whines out to you, hands gripping onto the sheets as your fingers curl into her g spot.
“See, there you go…That wasn’t so hard now, was it?” you tease back at her before leaning in and attaching your mouth to her clit as you continued to finger her.
It didn’t take long for the speed of your fingers to increase inside her pussy and for your mouth to suck harder on her throbbing clit. Between the pleasure you were giving her and the whimpers and moans that were escaping from her mouth, you can’t help but feel the need to take care of yourself down there.
As you continue to eat Abby out, your non-dominant hand begins to trail its way down into your shorts and slide below your underwear. You instantly feel a sense of relief once your fingertips reach your clit, rubbing it gently as you continued to give Abby the pleasure she needed.
You began to whimper and moan into her pussy, the vibrations from your mouth causing chills to rush through Abby’s body as she tried to chase her orgasm.
Her pussy soon began to clench around your fingers more than usual, indicating that she was close. You briefly removed your mouth from her pussy to speak to her, quickly replacing it with your thumb in the meantime. “You’re getting close, aren’t you?” you asked, looking up at her.
Abby nodded quickly in response. “Y-yes, fuck, p-please don’t stop…” she whined out, quickly grabbing your head with one hand and pushing it back into her pussy while her other hand grips onto the edge of her bed.
You were practically being suffocated in between her strong thighs right now, but you could honestly care less. You weren’t stopping until she finished. You continued to desperately moan and whine into her pussy as you kept rubbing your needy clit with your other hand, trying to chase your orgasm as well.
“Oh fuck, baby, right there, I’m gonna—Fuck!”
Abby tried her best to warn you, she really did, but before you both knew it, her release was already spilling out of her pussy and onto your fingers and mouth, causing you to greedily drink up every last drop of her before slowly removing your mouth and fingers out of her.
Once Abby had recovered from her orgasm, she looked down at you just in time to see you take your other hand out of your shorts. She kept her eyes on your fingers, admiring how they were covered in your release as a result of the pleasure you just gave to her.
She brings her hand down to your chin and lifts it to meet her eyes with yours. The deja vu feeling was hitting her now the second she saw your pupils blown out once again, just like how you were not even a week ago when you went down on her under her desk while she was sitting across from her father.
You hesitate for a moment before soon making the effort to stand up to her height, bringing your two fingers that were coated in your slick up to her lips.
“Clean them up,” you commanded.
Abby nodded as she held the hand that was put to her mouth before parting her lips and sucking your fingers clean. Her eyes were trained on yours, maintaining eye contact as she did so.
“There you go, just like that…” you mutter out to her quietly.
Once they were clean, Abby removed your fingers from her mouth, making a slight pop sound as she did so. You lean in to plant a kiss on her lips, tasting a bit of yourself from her lips and vice versa. You then reach down to grab your phone and keys before walking towards her bedroom door to leave.
However, you pause in your tracks for one moment and turn your head around to look at her fucked out self one more time.
“I’ll see you at the bake sale.” you reminded her, that same smirk appearing now on both of your faces before you turned back around and exited her bedroom, now leaving her by herself.
Well, it’s safe to say that Abby was going to have to return the favor for you real soon.
- a/n: i have to admit this one’s not my best work, it was my first time writing sub abby y’all believe me i tried my best 🙏🏻
also, i don’t usually self promote my fics but i did post my first dina fic the other day, it’s called overnight sensation and it’s a smau series. i’ve spent a lot of time and effort in making that fic so far so it’ll truly mean a lot to me if you guys could check it out 🤍
but other than that, i’ll see you guys in part 3!
tags 🏷️: @abbyscherry @whore4abby @zombholic @aouiaa @uraesthete @lia-winther @gaptoothedlesbo @deadbolted @abbysfavewh0rx @echostinn @mochiivqi @floptron @totallyghostdgirl @swtsuna @bellaramslover @naomis-daydream @ur-fav-pixi @sirenbxby @paprikahoernchen @thesevi0lentdelights @mostlyhornyandsad @tohoko
(^ i think that’s everyone?? let me know if i missed anyone/if you’d like to be tagged in the real part 3 LOL)
2023 © atomicami | all rights reserved. do not copy, modify, or translate any of my works.
#abby anderson#contractor!abby#abby anderson x female reader#abby the last of us 2#abby anderson smut#abby anderson x reader#abby x reader smut#abby the last of us#abby tlou#abby anderson tlou2#abby x you#abby x reader#abby x fem!reader#the last of us x you#wlw#the last of us x reader#the last of us part 2#the last of us fanfiction#the last of us#tlou2 x reader#the last of us abby anderson#the last of us 2#abby anderson x you
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besides begging for a part 3.. even though you should give it to us :)
what are your all time favorite fics, i need some recs!! could be old and new
the way i was about to make a fic rec post lol!!
Fic Recs
@pb524830
Right where you left me- This was the first fic i’ve read of hers and i fell in love, the writing is something else i tell you
Pride and Prejudice- 10/10 would read it again it’s sooo good
Moth to Flame- I am loving this series so far , literally obsessed hello?
@imaginespazzi
You weren’t mine to lose- the amount of angst in that is so necessary and i just love it sm
UCLA fic- all time top 5 favorite series
GH- Begging for chapter 11 because i am too obsessed !!
@azzibuckets
For the love of the game- this was something else and i have sooo much love for it, cessa is a queen
Good luck Babe- hurt my heart but i still love it smmm
@thaatdigitaldiary
Open your eyes- ke knows what she is doing and i love it , that had me in awe i tell you
from ms to mrs- YES YES YESS
What Am I to You- YES.
@ohbueckers
two can play that game- i love tropes like these and ju is eating up the chapters left and right
What’s my name?- impatiently waiting on another chapter because that series did something to me..literally
HOAW- new fav fic hello?
@patscorner
Ace of Hearts- i will be harassing pat for chapter 3 don’t worry guys
@sierrale8ne
40 days and 40 nights- i just think this is spectacular and that’s all there is to say
Power trip- this was something else..everything about i adored literally
@mrsarnold
white ferrari- i love me some fics from leila, this fic was teww good i enjoyed it smm!
@cosmopretty
read her new fic on wattpad “her girl” i love it so far!!
i don’t have a specific fic i love because all of them are really good, i would say take your pick bc i’m indecisive!!
@money4martin
the nanny- i’m mostly reading this on wattpad and i loveee it, she’s such a good writer
@lupinqs
firsts- me being a pazzi girl, i loved this fic sm it’s one of my top 5 for sure
take me to church- i love everything about this series, like it’s really just a chefs kiss and it’s relatable too??
@makethemhoesmad
skip this part?- y’all know i love me some angst.. and karly delivered it perfectly with this fic! thank god!
liability- she likes to play with my heart but i forgive her eveytime bc the writing is impeccable, this series was a rollercoaster for me
@sellasstories @heyitssells
Close- i loved this with all my heart ,she’s amazing bye
@d3arapril
Invisible strings- yes.yes.yes.
@azzifuddworlddomination
Casual- my inspiration for my fic because hers i just can’t get over like i love you down 🤗
@bbydoll18xx
don’t even have a favorite, all her fics are chefs kiss and that’s the truth
@kmoneymartini
fics are sooo easy to obsess over hello?? i’m glad she’s my moot too
@wcbblife
all there is to say is yes and go read NEOWWWW
@iminlovewithpaigebueckers
i should slap myself because why haven’t i read any of her fics earlier hello? I FREAKING LOVE THEM?
@bueckersstrap
my sweet baby celeste and her writing 😫 i yearn for it thank you queen
@lovegalor333
chefs kiss EVERY.SINGLE.TIME
@pboogerswbb
my lila baby is on a roll and i need MORE.
@leilanihours
it’s saurrrr good 10/10 i love!!
@luvergirl-866
writing is so teaaa i’m obsessed with the pazzi series <33
@onlyhereforpazzi
love the pazzi fics down!!!
@pazzilover101
——-
Ao3
Grow as we go- all time favorite pazzi series, i will be reading it again thank you!
Slow falling- i fear the author has given up on us but i will still like to have hope we get another chapter 😞
I’m pretty sure i have more but i can’t remember atm, i will add on as i find and read more fics!! 💌
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Title: Please Love Me Drabble Bonus (10) - I want this so much.
WC: 12,663
Tags/Warnings: foul language; alcohol consumption; talks of pregnancy, explicit sexual content (kissing, dirty talk, fingering, breast play, overstimulation, oral (m & female receiving), straddling, unprotected penetrative sex), lots of fluff; Seven JK (18+)
Series Masterlist
A/N: Hi. I’m on a break from my indefinite break. Seven JK was a burst of inspiration (so were his WeLives bc dreamy househusband alert!) and PLM!JK definitely has reasons to f*ck his wife seven days a week. So please enjoy this fluff piece because it’s happening!💕
“Babe, is the curling iron still on?”
Your husband calls out from the walk-in closet behind you, and you yell out your yes as you place the item in question on the dresser, ruffling your hair up a bit and styling it as you wish.
You're so immersed in trying to figure out what look you want to go for that you don’t immediately notice Jungkook standing next to you, iron in hand as he curls the edges of his smooth locks. When your eyes flit to him, you’re momentarily hypnotized, your movements stopping for a few seconds before you’re able to regain your bearings and decide on a loose bun to match the low-back satin dress you have on.
“You okay there, babe?” Jungkook asks as he picks up on your silence, with you seemingly avoiding looking at him.
You nod in response and he smirks, feeling like he knows what’s got you acting like this. He’s known for a while that he affects you in a certain way; your trip to Busan not long ago reinforced that, given the way your body reacted to everything he did at your command. But still, knowing that he makes you flustered even with clothes on gives him that boost of confidence and that air of cockiness that he knows you adore.
“Are you sure?” He asks again, turning to look at you while you keep your eyes on the mirror.
You finally face him and release a deep sigh. “You look really good,” you admit, your cute little frown melting all the knots in his body.
“Why do you make it sound like it’s a bad thing?” He chuckles, flashing you that boyish smile that he also knows drives you wild.
“Because…” you start, your arms crossed now to establish some distance. “I’m gonna have to control myself around you and behave but that’s hard when you look… like that.”
“Who says you have to control yourself and behave? You’re my wife and you have my permission to keep your hands on me any time and you know, misbehave or something,” he cheekily responds, his smug face making you want to smack his chest and pull his hair out of lust and frustration.
“We’ll be in public, Kook!”
“Tae booked a private club, though.”
You frown at his teasing but it only urges your husband to tease even more.
“They also have private rooms so when you absolutely cannot help yourself, we can always get one and maybe I’ll let you put on a show for me. Or I can do that, it depends if you still have yourself together by then.”
“Kook! You’re not helping,” you pout, and much as he wants to keep going, he also just wants to wrap his arms around you and that’s what he does, pulling you close and softly smiling at you.
“I’m kidding. Sort of,” he chuckles. “But we can also just skip the party and stay in, you know? I’ll keep my clothes on until you take them off me, or until you ask me to, just like last time,” he smirks now. “And we can just do whatever we want. You won’t have to worry about controlling yourself or anything.”
“Tempting, but we did promise Taehyung that we’d come tonight,” you say, wrapping your arm around his neck while you fix the strands of his hair, knowing the style he wants to go for. “Opening an art gallery is kind of a big deal. And I am a featured artist in his collection so we absolutely have to be there.”
“I know,” Jungkook says. “I won’t hear the end of it if we skip it. But at least I’ve got a reason to swap the business wear for something different. And you know, fluster my wife because of it, make her speechless and tell me I look good.”
“Ah, is that what you expected to happen,” you arch an eyebrow, feeling called out because that’s definitely what happened.
He’s always been a little cocky but he’s amped it up recently and you’re not complaining; he has all the reasons to be. You know he knows that you love it when he is.
“Well, I actually expected you to be on my lap right now, marking me all over and moaning out curses,” he chuckles, his laughter increasing in volume as your face distorts in feigned annoyance once more. “But I guess the outfit isn’t sexy enough.”
“Now you’re just pushing it,” you playfully smack his chest. “You don’t even wear tight clothes like this. You always said they made you feel stuffy.”
Pulling away to fully absorb Jungkook’s look, you smack yourself internally for even attempting to take him all in, only because of all the scenarios playing in your head right now. And he’s right, being on his lap and claiming him as you cuss out your pleasure is what you would be doing if you weren’t running late. But you are, and acting out all your desires would have to wait.
“Well, since I married you, Mrs. Jeon, I’ve become quite the observant man,” he boasts. “I pick up on what turns you on and I use it to my advantage. You loved it when I had the sleeves of my white shirt rolled up and this is just the tight fit version of it.”
Much as you want to kiss him right now, you can’t help but soften at his words. He is observant, especially when it comes to things you like about him. You remember how he’d started buying colored and patterned tops after your honeymoon years ago because you said you liked them on him. Recently, you notice that he’s been wearing jeans for his casual wear a lot more now, and how he’s kept his hair the specific length that you once said you loved on him.
His best friends say that Jungkook was always just content on his monochromatic sweats and hoodies because they’re comfortable and don’t require much thinking when he decides to put them on, and so knowing that he keeps you in mind when he dresses up is quite sweet, especially knowing that he doesn’t really care what people say unless it’s you. And if you show that it’s something you like, Jungkook will definitely keep doing it to make you happy.
“And the leather pants?” You ask.
“Jimin suggested it, said it fits more with a plain white shirt than jeans for a club. Do you like it?” He wonders, looking anxious, as if there’s anything he wears that you don’t like. Maybe except for this one university shirt that has holes on them that he still wears.
“Of course I do, hun,” you say, wrapping your arms around his waist now. “You look like the sexiest, most beautiful man alive but I also don’t mind if you just wore whatever you wanted. You’ll look gorgeous either way.”
“Well, some people dress for themselves, and some people also don’t mind, like me. I’ll wear anything that’s comfortable, as long as it makes my wife happy.”
“But this outfit makes me horny though.”
Jungkook smirks before licking his lips, and right when you think he’s gonna kiss your mouth as he leans forward, he goes for your neck instead, sucking a bit of flesh before he trails upwards with soft pecks towards your ear.
“That’s better,” he whispers, sending shivers all over you that he definitely feels, earning you a teasing chuckle.
He turns to face you and sees the desire in your eyes, and he knows you’d both break eventually but still, he states, “I don’t wanna mess your lipstick, baby.”
“I don’t care,” you moan, feeling the wetness pool between your thighs now, and your words prompt Jungkook to crash his mouth against yours to taste the lust that’s expressed all over your body.
He tastes of mint cherry and yearning and smells of deep vanilla and ecstasy. His hands trail down to your ass that he ardently squeezes while yours travel towards his hair, the soft pulls eliciting moans from him, as your hips meet his thrusts the same way that your tongue battles against his, desperate and impassioned, your beings melding into one.
Time feels frozen as it’s just you and him. Until your phone starts ringing, incessantly, and it registers to you that it might be Nari, who you’d promised to pick up on the way to the club.
You pull away, telling your husband that you both have to go.
“Well, at least your lipstick’s not completely messed up,” he hums.
“Yeah, but my underwear is,” you groan, and it’s your pout and scurry towards your closet that lets Jungkook know that you’re serious. Your little make out session did turn you on and if it wasn’t for a disruption, maybe you would be on his lap right now just as he expected - more like dreamed.
“I take it back,” he states, walking towards the bathroom where you now are. “I think the outfit’s sexy enough, don’t you think?”
You enter the private club that Taehyung booked for the party and spot less familiar faces than the official opening of the art gallery earlier in the week. Given, tonight is specifically for the fashion and entertainment crowd, a strategic decision for him who wants to attract patrons other than the usual from the art and business fields. It’s a good way to make use of his family’s connections, and it’s also another means of exposing your work to a different audience.
It’s why Taehyung’s been excited to introduce you to the guests, making sure you meet all of them, as he goes around the space to greet them. You don’t mind, really. He has a great eye and a unique way of expressing and selling his art, and as he matches it to his target market, you find yourself learning from him, too. He even got one of them to commission you for a piece, someone who doesn’t mind waiting in line, given that you’ve been pacing your work due to health reasons.
Taehyung finally states that he now wants to get on with the actual party, so he heads to the bar to order some shots while you walk towards the table where your husband and all your friends are. You take the seat next to Jungkook who promptly looks at you with a cheeky smile on his face.
“Babe, why are you sitting there?”
“Where else would I sit?” You ask, sipping from a glass of water.
Jungkook spreads his arms and nods towards his lap, causing you to burst in laughter, although he doesn’t seem to find it all that funny.
“I won’t sit on your lap, honey,” you giggle. “I can do that at home.”
“Our friends won’t mind,” he huffs.
“I would,” you respond.
“He just wants to make a statement,” Jimin chimes in. “We can’t count how many girls have walked up to him asking if the seat - I mean, his lap - is taken. Why he’s even manspreading, we don’t know.”
You laugh along with your friends as you turn to your husband, as if asking him why he’s doing exactly that.
“I always had the image of men in leather pants sitting like this,” Jungkook answers. “I guess it fits the vibe.”
“Well, if you keep doing that, more women are gonna try their luck. And I can’t really blame them,” you say, moving your seat closer to him because suddenly, the idea of people hitting on your husband makes you just a little bit uneasy.
“And they’ll keep getting rejected. I don’t know why they think that line would work,” Jungkook rolls his eyes.
“Why did you think it would work on me?”
“Let’s just say, you have a track record,” he smirks at you. “And don’t think I’ve forgotten how just kissing me affected you earlier. Oh baby, you have it bad for me,” he whispers now.
You’d be annoyed at him if he wasn’t right, but of course he is. It’s the boyish charm and effortless sexiness that get you all the time, and that’s on top of all the other things that make him an amazing husband and lover.
His wiggling eyebrows let you know that he’s teasing, and your scrunched nose tells him you’re enjoying it.
But even then, he pulls you close and softly kisses your cheek. “And I’ve got it bad for you, too, baby. I’ll do whatever you want tonight, just tell me.”
“What about a message and cuddles?” You release a deep breath. “Meeting the guests tired me a bit.”
“Then I’ll do that. We can have a bath together and sleep in, too. Does that sound good?”
You nod in response, smiling at the thought that despite your incessant teasing, you and Jungkook could edge each other with your flirting but also wouldn’t mind if one of you decides for something soft and wholesome instead. It’s not so much self-control as it is the way your relationship has come to work - sure, sex is always good; you’d push each other’s buttons for fun or even as foreplay, but pillow talk while your limbs are entangled under the sheets are just as amazing. You’ve learned that every intimate moment with him is special as it happens; you could only hope it’s an aspect of your marriage that won’t ever change.
Your moment is disrupted when Taehyung arrives with a server and a tray of shots, with him insisting that each person has to take one. You give in even if you hadn’t planned on drinking at all, but when you say that’s all you’ll have for the rest of the night, none of your friends question you. They know you and Jungkook are actively trying to get pregnant, and consuming alcohol does affect that, so they let you be. Jungkook orders a glass of juice right after though, but you don’t question him, even if you’d expected that he’d go for another round or at least a bottle of beer.
As the host that he is, Taehyung urges everyone to get on the dance floor, the alcohol now kicking in after the rest of your friends downed more shots.
“We’re good here,” Jungkook says. “You tired my wife a little over there.”
“Nah, we all know you’re the only one who can do that,” Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows, his lack of filter causing you and your husband to just laugh.
“I’m okay, Kook,” you say, reaching out your hand for him to take. “I’d be silly not to dance with you looking like this. Plus, didn’t you want to make a statement that you’re taken or something?” You laugh.
“I do, actually,” he smirks, leading you to the dance floor where your friends have gathered. “But I’d also be silly not to dance with you looking like this,” he continues, running his hand down your bare back until it sits right on your ass. He squeezes it a little before holding you by the waist, swaying them in tandem with your hips as you dance to the music.
You’ve got your hands around his neck and your eyes locked on his, his smile turning more sultry as the seconds tick by. You feel him grind against you and you welcome the friction, as you find yourself lost in the sounds and the weight of his stare.
“Nothing like a song about fucking everyday to get us in the mood, huh,” he whispers in your ear, his fingers gripping your dress to control himself.
“Good thing we’re married and can do that, then,” you whisper back. “But that would also be incredibly tiring.”
Jungkook laughs. Much as he knows it’s something that his amazing stamina would allow him to do, he also knows that’s too much for you. But he’d never complain. Anything with you is enough; being with you is enough. Falling asleep with you is all that he wants, even during that rare time when he was upset. He’s learned that when it comes to you, no distance is farther than when he’s not next to you; he’d take any pain on either of your ends, as long as he has you by his side.
He’s overcome with emotion at the thought, so he doesn’t control himself when the urge to kiss you takes over him and you let him, capturing his lips for something gentle and languid. He feels you smile against him and he does the same, knowing that amidst the lust and intense yearning, the softness will remain. It’s why he pulls away first and envelopes you in a hug, finding purchase in your neck as he calms his raising heart and hardening cock that were caused by your impassioned movements.
He hears you giggle as you hug him tight and his heart softens now, savoring that sound even more because he was without it for weeks at one point. He’s also learned that days without your laugh and your smile are the hardest; he knows he’ll be lost in this world without them.
You pull away now and kiss his cheek this time, and you feel him smile again at the action. With all his cheekiness, Jungkook is everything that is love at his core. He gives and takes as he should, and it may seem odd that such thoughts are what’s swirling in your mind as you’re both dancing together at a club with people making out and grinding against each other around you, but you’ve come to learn that regardless of happening outside or inside of you, he’s the only one you want to share your little world with.
He takes your hand and leads you back to your table where your friends gather shortly after. He orders coffee while you settle for tea, knowing you’d be too tired to make one before you sleep. It’s more laughter and dancing in your seats for another hour or so before you and Jungkook decide to head home as guests start to leave as well.
You didn’t expect to be out until 2AM but you kept thinking that one day, you’ll be too old for this; one day, you’ll have kids to care for that you won’t have much time for nights out with your friends. You savor what you’re able to as a young married couple before children get in the picture, and as you watch Jungkook in the driver seat with his tattooed arm on the steering wheel, humming to the music while saying that he had a great time, you assume that he thinks the same way.
“Yeah, tonight was fun,” you muse. “We let go of ourselves a little bit and that was nice.”
“It was. You had your hands on me for most of the night so that was good,” he teases.
“I had to make a statement myself. Don’t think I didn’t see those two women who kept eyeing you and constantly passing by our table,” you huff.
“I didn’t even notice,” he hums. “I was too busy looking at you. But was that really it? You were just letting them know that I’m your man and they have no chance?”
“Of course not,” you giggle, taking his free hand and kissing it. “This look is really doing something to me. Maybe I’ll start asking you to wear this at home or something.”
Jungkook laughs at your words, his head briefly rolling back before he turns to you with his scrunched nose. “I wouldn’t mind that, actually.”
There’s a moment of silence, with you caressing his hand that’s found its place on your bare thigh, before you comment that he didn’t drink much tonight, knowing that their trio of best friends enjoy their alcohol when they’re out to party.
“I could’ve driven us back home, you know?” You say. “We haven’t gone out like this in a while so it would’ve been okay if you drank.”
“Yeah but… we’re trying to get pregnant and the doctor said that alcohol consumption affects sperm health, too,” he responds, his eyes looking soft as he glances at you. “I don’t want you to be the only one cutting back on things because we’re doing this together. I mean, that cup of coffee back there was only my second one of the day. I’ve been trying to limit myself to just two a day as well since I know you’re drinking less, and I survived the week.”
“Honey…” you say, your heart melting at the thought of him making sure that you’re not doing this all on your own.
This is just the trying phase, and if he’s committed to the pregnancy this early on, you can just imagine how present and supportive he’ll be when you do get pregnant. He’ll make sure you’re not the only one making sacrifices, and he’ll make sure to give you as much comfort and support as possible.
“And also, I’m gonna have to change my lifestyle eventually for, you know, when we have our child,” he continues. “I can’t be going out, drinking, and then driving because who knows what could happen? Plus, I don’t wanna kiss our baby with alcohol breath when I get home. And I—”
“Kook, you can still do the things you used to do even when we have a child,” you interrupt. “I mean, you can still party and drink and—”
“I can’t be reckless, though, and that’s what I was for a long time,” he counters. “I was also pretty selfish and always wanted things my way. Being with you changed that and yeah, parenthood will change me, but I should at least be good enough to begin with.”
“And you are, honey; more than enough, actually. I mean, we’ve been to the doctor twice and you already took what she said to heart,” you assure him. “I just know you’re gonna be great, okay? And this is my unfiltered mind speaking but I’m kinda excited to get pregnant because of how sweet and loving and… hot you’re gonna be when you take care of me.”
It’s that laugh again, his playful and endearing laughter that triggers the butterflies in your stomach. Jungkook’s eyes sparkle under the dim streetlights that you pass by, and the way he looks at you makes you feel like everything good is at your reach while it’s just the two of you in your own world.
“I’m excited for you to get pregnant because of how loving and needy and strong and fucking sexy you’re gonna be,” he says, earning him a chuckle. “But all that aside, I just want you to know that you have me. I’m obviously here for the actual baby-making but also for the massages and cravings and morning sickness and swollen everything, okay? I promise.”
“You are such a dream, Jeon Jungkook,” you giggle as you gaze at him lovingly. “I’d live through a thousand lifetimes just so I can have this one where I married you.”
He’s left speechless now, as he softly smiles and leans over at the stoplight for a gentle kiss on your lips. You think it’s enough for him to say all the things he can’t, and you kiss him back, a little more deeply, to say the things you still don’t have words for.
The rest of the ride back home is quiet, save for Jungkook’s humming along to the songs on his playlist. You’re both giggling over something silly that happened earlier by the time you’re walking back to the apartment, and taking advantage of the late hours and the empty elevators, your husband softly kisses your neck with his arms wrapped around your waist all the way to your floor. You sigh in relief; his lips are as good as his hands when it comes to relieving your tiredness.
There were some issues you encountered in your project at the firm that you had to manage, on top of helping Taehyung with his art gallery launch. Teaching the kids is not really stressful, but handling classes of 10 children each has its own challenges. You know your body and you’re perfectly fine, which is why you didn’t mind staying up late with your friends tonight. You’d missed out on a few nights out because you opted to rest, but tonight was too important to pass up on. But still, it left you just a tiny bit exhausted and you can’t wait for your warm bath and cuddles with Jungkook.
You pause on the idea once your phone beeps and a notification pops up. Suddenly your heart is racing, and you’re left standing in the middle of your living room as Jungkook turns off the lights and says that he’ll massage you as you both take your bath.
Seeing you unmoving when he expected you to be walking up the stairs, he asks if everything’s okay.
“Yeah, it’s just…” you say, turning to him with a small smile on your face. “I just got notified. My, uh, my tracker says I ovulate in a few days so, uh… My fertile window starts now.”
It takes a few seconds for Jungkook to process the information and once it clicks, he walks towards you and mirrors your smile.
Dr. Han explained in detail how things go, and Jungkook remembers that in non-technical words, having sex during your fertile window is the best way to get pregnant, and since everything is an estimate and no means of tracking can be entirely accurate, what he he really took from that session is that having sex everyday increases your chance of conceiving. The thought turns his soft smile into a smirk, and with his eyes boring into yours, he repeats your words.
“Your window starts now,” he says, earning him a nod. “I’m fertile, too,” he adds.
You chuckle at his statement. “I know, Kook. Of course you are,” you playfully roll your eyes.
But his gaze doesn’t falter, as he cups your cheek and takes you in.
“Do you think the bath and massage can wait?” He asks, his voice suddenly low.
“They can,” you respond, feeling your throat drying up.
“You’re not too tired?”
“Not anymore,” you answer, melting into his touch, especially as his breath starts to quicken.
“Good,” he breathes out, his mouth so close to yours.
Your noses touch before you feel his lips, soft yet wanting at the thought of being able to make love to you tonight, knowing there’s a chance that it could result in a baby that you’ve both been wanting. You grant him the entrance that he seeks, and he’s quick to explore as your tongue melds with his. He’s intentional, with both his hands cradling your face, wanting to say so much with this kiss. You return it just as eagerly, and your hands do what they’ve been wanting to since earlier in the night - they slide down his clothed chest, and then his torso, until they reach his crotch where you palm his hardening dick, letting him know that you want this just as much.
He moves to place open-mouth kisses down your neck, and you moan when he sucks that sensitive part of yours at the same time that you squeeze his length, earning you a groan that sends shivers down your spine.
“Can I claim my seat now,” you tease, wanting nothing more than to ride him until you lose your breath, knowing just how much pleasure that position gives you both.
“Fuck yes, babe,” he growls, kissing you again as he starts walking back, letting you guide him towards the couch that’s experienced its fair share of your lovemaking.
He pulls away to settle on his seat, his eyes not moving away from you as he asks you to undress yourself, leaving you in nothing but your silk thong.
With his legs spread slightly wide, the leather material hugging his thick, meaty thighs, and his arms laid over the back of the couch, you can’t help but moan at the sight. Your seat looks pretty comfortable, even more so when he unzips his trousers to reveal his hardened length, big and veiny for you to slide against and down on.
He’s coaxing you, as he touches himself to get you to come closer, knowing just how much this turns you on. You surprise him, though, when you get on your knees instead and take his cock from his hand, as if showing him that you can do it better. And of course you do; your touch electrifies him, it makes him weak and pliant, it makes him give in to whatever you want. He’s a generally impatient guy, but when it comes to you, he forces himself to have self-control, to wait, to let you take your time, only because he knows how satisfying it is once you give him what he craves.
A few gentle and teasing strokes later, you take him in your mouth and you surprise him again, as you dive in and take him deep right away, unlike your usual gradual descent that’s every bit torturous and euphoric. He’s caught off guard but it’s what causes him to obscenely moan, prompting you to do the same, the vibrations sending him close to the edge. But you keep going, bopping your head up and down as you try to fit him in your mouth, and Jungkook has to gather all his strength to not falter this quickly. There’s so many other ways he wants to feel you.
Knowing he’ll come soon if you don’t stop, he cups your cheek to get your attention. The loving way you look at him is a contrast to how ruined he feels, and just as he thinks you’d chase his finger with your mouth and suck it as well, you kiss his hand instead, tracing your lips up to his tattooed arm and it’s moments like this that make him feel alive. He’s always loved chasing a high, living for the thrill and the unexpected that pushes him to try different things, and he’s somehow found that when making love to you. You could look at him shyly, reverently, or sultrily; you can lick your lips or say vulgar things or giggle sweetly - he won’t know what he’ll get, but he’ll lose his mind either way.
Wanting to satiate his need, he finally pulls you to sit on his lap, capturing your mouth in his that leaves no room for either of you to breathe. Flushed against his clothed chest, you wrap your arms around his neck to try to take in as much of him as you can. You grind against his throbbing cock, and the friction isn’t enough, as you raise yourself to slide down on him, and your joint moans fill the room.
It starts slow but you eventually pick up the pace, and it prompts him to remove his trousers that are now definitely limiting his movements. Once he’s free, he focuses on what he can give. Jungkook pulls you down as he pushes inside of you, the quick and erratic thrusts sending you in a whole other dimension. You’re meeting his movements, your pants turning into squeals as you feel him so deep inside you, hitting the edges of your physical being.
You lose it when he grips your ass to keep you in place and then captures your breast in his mouth for him to suck. You feel the pleasure all over your body; it’s overwhelming and all-consuming - you feel him everywhere, and it’s exactly how you want to be made love to.
It’s the succeeding thrusts and the bite of the sensitive part of your neck that has you mewling and arching your back in intense pleasure and you feel like you’ve lost sense for a moment, as if you’re suspended with how deep and rough he’d gone. It’s almost numbing, as you continue to grind against him as you try to catch your breath but despite the overstimulation, you can’t get enough of it, of him. You came hard but you want more.
You kiss him as you come down from your high and he takes you in, moaning as your mouths meet again. It’s different this time, though - the kiss is desperate, it feels like; there’s the usual passion but a different kind of yearning, of eagerness. Devotion, too, it seems - towards you, towards the future child you’ll have, towards the family you’ll build - as he caresses your back, his hands gliding on your skin before clutching onto you, as if he’ll lose you if he doesn’t.
“I love you,” he mumbles against your neck, repeating it like a chant that devotees do to a being they revere. “I love you, fuck baby. I love all of you.”
“I love you, Kook, so much,” you pant, hugging him loosely, as it’s the only thing you have energy to do at this moment.
His arms are wrapped around your waist and he leans to kiss you there, his mouth seemingly unable to separate from any part of you.
You meet his eyes and you just know that you mirror the way he’s fondly looking at you. Jungkook boops your nose before he gently lays you on the couch, his eyes unmoving from your form as he kneels before you to remove his shirt, his perfectly-crafted torso making you salivate even more.
Spreading your legs, he dives in your cunt, licking your lips before he sucks your clit. You still haven’t recovered from earlier but you don’t mind. You’re still somewhat in a daze, and everything Jungkook does is both mind blowing and calming, intense yet numbing. Your leg starts to shake so he stops but you don’t complain. Just like him it seems, you want this drawn out.
“I want you inside me, baby,” you moan. “I want… I want to feel you all over me again. Please,” you beg. “I need you.”
The way you plead does things to him, so he lays by your side, slides inside you from behind, and takes you into his hold. With your body shifted and your legs raised, he cups your breast and sucks on your neck, as if cradling you while making you feel all of him - his mouth, his dick, his fingers… He’s thrusting against you so hard that you’re screaming in pleasure, asking him not to stop, and moaning out his name. You lose control of your limbs and you feel like your body now has a mind of its own but his kiss grounds you, and you hold onto him tightly for anchor as he does the same with you.
You come again - another hard crash - and he follows soon after, abrupt and drawn out that he feels like he’s suspended as well. He stays inside you, wanting to make sure that nothing of him is wasted.
You’re both panting from tiredness, your damp foreheads against each other, and it’s nothing but your warm breaths and slick bodies that you feel. You can’t really feel anything else, and that warm bath sounds good right about now.
Jungkook seems to read your mind, as he pulls away first and grabs your clothes. He reaches out his hand that you take, and he holds you close to him as you both walk up the stairs and into your bathroom.
You both don’t say much; the smiles and the soft kisses on the cheek seem to say enough. Maybe you’re just both really spent, but Jungkook exerting all that effort on you does not stop him from drawing your bath, sitting opposite you, and then massaging your feet and calves. He asks you to sit in between his legs right after so he can massage your shoulders, too, and the sigh you let out tells him you’re satisfied with his as well.
“That good, baby?” He still asks, and you lazily smile at him and nod.
“You might fall asleep here,” he chuckles, pulling you closer to him so he can nuzzle your neck.
“I wouldn’t mind that, as long as you sleep here with me,” you hum.
“Our tub is big but it isn’t that big,” he laughs again. “Come on, I’ll wash us up.”
You follow him and head to the shower where he promptly rinses the suds off your hair and your body. He’s gentle and thorough; charming, too, as his boyish smiles appear again when he sees you look satisfied. He helps you dress up before you both head to your room, your soft linens feeling like clouds after all that you did.
Jungkook goes under the covers and lays his head on your chest like he often does. Tired as you are, you don’t want to sleep yet, needing to have this moment with him first.
He’s rarely quiet, so when he is, you know something’s on his mind. You comb your fingers through his hair to calm him down; massaging him like this is also your way of letting him know that can say whatever he wants, and express whatever he wants.
“Do you think we did it?” He finally asks, sounding soft and unsure. “Do you think that was it?”
With his hand caressing your belly, you feel his anxiousness and his desire.
“I don’t know, honey,” you reply. “These things are never accurate. I’m just glad my cycle’s finally regular so at least I can better estimate when I’m due to ovulate and we can work from there. Maybe we did it. Maybe we didn’t. We won't know until I show symptoms and I take a test. And that’s weeks from now.”
The silence isn’t uncomfortable despite what seems to be a million things running through his mind. You’ve wanted this for so long but you’ve learned to be patient, to be trusting, to be accepting of whatever happens. You’d like to think that for all that you went through and for all the good that you’ve done in this life, the universe will grant you this wish. But you don’t want to think too much of how much you want it. You’re scared to be disappointed; more importantly, you’re scared to disappoint him.
“I want this so much,” he says, his voice low and desperate. “I… I knew I did but I didn’t know just how much until the other month when… when we had a false alarm.”
You recall that day. It was some time after you’d come back from Busan, the conversations from that trip perhaps clouding your mind, the excitement overtaking you that you’d thought you could be pregnant despite the minimal signs.
But you took the test anyway. It was negative, and Jungkook hugged you and said it was okay. You’d only gone to the doctor once that time, and you were both still adjusting and making changes in your respective lifestyles. He didn’t seem upset; he comforted you, cradled you that night, and made love to you softly as he whispered how perfect you are, and how much he loves you.
“I… I didn’t want to show it but it made me sad that it didn’t happen then,” he continues. “And I guess it hit me exactly how much I wanted it. To be able to create someone who’s half of the person I love the most and half of me… that’s amazing, right? I just suddenly couldn’t wait to give all my love to that child; I couldn’t wait for us to be gifted that.”
You’re unable to form words as you listen to him. It takes you back to the time when he didn’t want to have children yet, content with just the both of you and your little adventures and time alone. Jungkook wanted you all to himself, and he wanted him to be the only one you focused on. He’d hated himself for being selfish, but you suppose you both needed to have that time for each other - to learn, to love, to fight, to forgive, to trust, and then to love even harder, even braver, even kinder.
“It’ll happen, Kook,” is all you can say. “One day, it will. I’d like to believe that it’s meant for us, just as you and I were meant for each other after all these years.”
“I don’t want to think that I wasted so much of our time just because I wanted it to be just us,” he admits. “But sometimes, that fills my mind. What if we had tried earlier?”
“Do you think that helps? Thinking of the what if’s?”
“I know it doesn’t,” he responds. “But I guess the fear pushes me somehow, you know? I could be living a different life where I don’t have all this, and so I want to make sure that I take care of all that I have now - you, this marriage, this home. It’s ironic that I’ve always wanted to live my life without fear, only to realize now that fears could be good, too, that having something you’re afraid of means you’re actually living, because then, something’s good enough to lose.”
“And that something is so good that you can’t not have it,” you add.
He looks up at you with an assuring smile, knowing that you feel what he’s feeling, that you understand what’s bothering him.
“I worry, too,” you continue. “I knew when I’d fallen in love with you that I wanted a family, to have a child that bears both of us, you know? Someone who can receive the overflowing love I have for you. And not having that scares me.”
With your words, Jungkook shifts himself to face you, cradling you in his arms and kissing your forehead.
“You see what you did right there?” You ask him.
“What?”
“I tell you I’m scared, and the first thing you do is hold me,” you say, feeling the emotions overtake you. “We’re each other’s fears. I’m afraid to lose you. I worry when you’re in pain or stressed or confused or unwell. And I know it’s the same with you. But we’re each other’s shields, too. We protect each other, we gain strength from each other. That’s how we’ll get through this. That’s how we’ll get through anything. I’ll hold you when you’re scared and you’ll take me in your arms just the same. The fears are bearable that way.”
“They are,” he whispers, kissing you deeply. “We’re all we need, baby. You’re all I need.”
With your entangled limbs under the covers, you and Jungkook breathe each other in.
“I don’t know if we were successful tonight,” you hum, slowly succumbing to sleep. “We can always try again tomorrow.”
“And the day after. And the day after that. And then after that,” he responds, his cheeky smile making a sleepy appearance. “We can try everyday. We’ll make it happen; we’ll hold each other again if it doesn’t.”
“We will,” you answer. “We always will.”
Jungkook kisses your nose then your forehead, but it’s his pecks on your cheek that fully wake you up from an incredible slumber. It felt long and it was exactly what you needed after a night of partying and fucking your gorgeous husband, who happens to be smiling sweetly at you right now with his doe-eyes and semi-mussed hair.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he giggles. “I was wondering when you were gonna wake up.”
“What time is it?” You grumble, stretching your limbs and feeling the tension slightly dissipate.
“Almost 1.”
“Seriously?” You gasp. “I’ve never woken up this late.”
“I know. I was kinda getting worried,” he chuckles. “But then again, we did sleep around 4:30 AM so it’s fine.”
“What did you do to me, honey,” you laugh now.
“Well, you know, the usual,” he teases. “And I’m not done with you yet. I promised you days of this.”
He sneaks his hand in between your thighs and presses lightly against your cunt, earning him a low moan.
“Hmm, you did,” you hum. “But I’d really love a hug right now.”
With your outstretched arms, Jungkook melts into your hold, burying his face into your neck like he loves to do. You smell of peony and vanilla; you feel soft and comfortable and every beautiful thing in the world. He’d live right here if he could.
But it’s the middle of the day and you’ve already missed your morning medication.
“I love this but babe, you need to eat so you can take your medicine,” he says, pulling away now. “I bought us some lunch so can you please wash up already?”
“Fine, Mr.,” you playfully roll your eyes. “I’ll be down in a bit. I’ll see you there.”
You walk into the kitchen with Jungkook humming to a song and shaking his hips while he transfers the stew from the pot into a big bowl. He places that on the dining table before taking the heated rice from the microwave. Dressed in sweatpants and a tank top under a loose zip-up hoodie that lets his shoulder tattoos peek out - a weakness of yours, you’ve learned - he looks like the perfect husband who’s sexy in every way.
You’ve noticed these past weeks how he’s been more keen on getting chores done. You’ve always divided the tasks but recently, he’s taking more initiative - planning meals, listing grocery items, and scheduling laundry day. Those are things you think about on a daily basis because managing a household is tough work; you can’t help but think that he’s started taking some of the load from you, perhaps in preparation for when you get pregnant, and especially when a little one joins your family.
The thought makes you smile. It’s why when he tells you that the food’s ready and pulls out your chair, you sit on his lap instead, wrapping your arms around his neck and tucking your face in there as well.
“Thank you, Kook,” you huff. “It smells good.”
“It does. Too bad I didn’t cook it,” he chuckles, returning your hug.
“I know. You don’t have the patience for that.”
He tickles you in response but you just hug him more tightly.
“Hey, I know I turn you on when I’m being a dreamy househusband, but the food will get cold,” he says, turning to face you now, a rare sight indeed since he’s often the hard-headed and pouty one. “Let us eat this first, and then I can eat you out after. Deal?”
You bite his cheek in feigned annoyance before you move to your chair, taking in the dish in front of you.
“What time did you buy this?” You ask, realizing only after the first spoonful just how hungry you are, reminding you of a certain physical activity you both did just hours ago.
“Hmm, around 10,” he answers. “I was up at 8 and was gonna drink milk only to find out that we don’t have any. So I went to the supermarket and got eggs and a few other things, too. Then I passed by the restaurant on the way home.”
“Dreamy househusband indeed,” you wink at him. “But how were you up that early after last night?”
“Taehyung, that annoying child,” Jungkook groans. “He kept calling and texting so I just picked up. He woke up early and couldn’t find his engagement ring for Ailee, and he doesn’t know if he lost it or if he proposed to her but he doesn’t remember anything because he was so drunk. And she was called for an emergency at work so he couldn't find out. He also doesn’t wanna ask her himself so I said I’d ask her if my best friend did anything stupid and well, yeah, he did propose; she just doesn’t know that he doesn’t remember.”
You’re cracking up by the end of your husband’s narration and you feel for the man. “Oh, poor Taehyung. What a terrible way to go about asking someone to marry them.”
“Well, I never actually asked you, did I?” Jungkook says.
“Well, you kinda didn’t want to, did you?” you shoot back, earning you an adorable frown.
Appeasing him, you take his hand and kiss it. “It doesn’t matter. We said I do, you kissed me for a millisecond, and then here we are!”
“Baby!” He groans again. “Why are you bringing up the wedding kiss, AKA the most embarrassing kiss of my life?”
“Because so-called loverboy Jungkook kissed his bride for a millisecond, that’s why,” you laugh.
“I did make up for it, though,” he reminds you. “And I still do. I mean, you can’t seem to get enough of my kisses now.”
“You’re getting cockier and cockier by the year, honey,” you tease. “Even if, yes, you are absolutely correct. I can’t imagine living without your kisses.”
“Good. Because these lips can’t imagine not kissing you,” he smirks, and all you can do is cover your face in laughter and slight embarrassment, but he scrunches his nose as he watches you lose it, and your heart softens again.
He could be cheeky as much as he wants; deep down, he’ll always be that gentleman who loves making you laugh and smile.
You both finish your meal then you take your medicine. You insist on doing the dishes this time and it doesn’t take long. You’re full from eating so you return to your seat next to Jungkook where you both video call with Taehyung and the rest of your friends as he presents his predicament.
“Just be honest with her,” you advise. “Honesty and communication are incredibly important in a marriage, Tae. Take it from me. Who knows? Maybe she doesn’t remember how it happened, either.”
“And then you can just propose to her again,” Jungkook suggests. “Seriously, dude. Being honest is probably one of the hardest things to do, but it’s freeing more than anything when you share things with your partner. It just sucks that you have to share your stupidity but yeah, she’s crazy about you so I’m sure she’ll still want to marry you.”
Taehyung rants again but decides that listening to the only married couple in your friend group is his best course of action, so he says he will and will keep everyone posted.
Wanting to have your only caffeine intake for the day, you walk towards the counter to boil water for your tea and then walk back to Jungkook. You lean on the edge of the table as you watch him remain seated and mirror your smile. You think about what he said earlier about being honest. You’re also reminded of your conversation last night and how open and vulnerable he was. You recall the moments where he’s trusted you and followed your lead. You think back at the instances where you were the same. You’ve both come such a long way, and the thought sparks a certain kind of desire in you, something that he sees.
He reaches out his hand and you take it. He guides you to his lap where you comfortably sit, aligning your clothed cunt to his cock, anticipating the friction and what would come out of it. You kiss each other deeply, both your hands mapping each other out. He pulls down your nightgown; you unzip his jacket and sneak your hands underneath his top. He’s smooth and taut and absolutely perfect; his hardened nipples tell you that he’s just as turned on as you are.
Rocking against his hips, he decides that he absolutely needs to taste you, so Jungkook nudges you and guides you to the table where you lay, your legs spread out to show him the view that he craves.
His tongue is warm against your folds. He presses it against your clit before twirling it around, knowing exactly how you want this to go. You like it slow at first, with kisses on the sides and underneath your thighs where you’re sensitive, before wanting it fast, rough, and desperate, as Jungkook sucks and nibbles and locks your thighs in his arms, pulling you closer to the edge so he can bury his face in between them where he also would like to live if he could.
It’s like he’s been starved as he leaves no inch untouched. Your legs are shaking now, your body begging for release and he feels it; he feels the tension in your limbs and hears your hypnotizing moans. These make him want you to wrap around him so he can feel your warmth, too, so he can be sucked into your velvet walls and drown in your essence.
He pulls away then undresses himself and then you, leaving you both heaving and bare, desperate for more of your scent and your kisses and your touch and your sounds. He strokes himself a little before pulling you closer again, this time for his cock to slide inside your wet entrance, and the moan that escapes him is obscene yet full of want and yearning.
With your legs suspended in air, he thrusts into you - slow at first, teasing even, as he draws it out before going rough and deep, sending shockwaves all over his body with how well you’re taking him, and how hard you’re letting him go as you ask for more and more and more.
His hands explore your bare torso - hands fondling your swell breasts, fingers pinching your pert nipples, and palms gripping your waist to keep you steady. You kiss each other for most of it all, adding to your pleasure but also tempering it, as your mouths capture your moans and the curses you both let out.
“So good, baby,” you groan, your deep, sultry voice still surprising him after all this time. “You fit me so, so well.”
“I’m made for you, baby,” he growls, assaulting your neck with nibbles that have you ascending even more. “Fuck, you’re so perfect for me.”
Your cries of yes urge him further and he quickens his pace, knowing from your sounds that you’re close and his erratic thrusting says that so is he. With your chest heaving and your arms weakening from supporting your weight, you crash hard, and your elbows buckle from the intensity but he catches you, his arms cradling you before he lays your back on the table while he tries to reach his peak.
You recover, propping one arm on the surface and the other, pulling him close to you.
“Come for me, baby,” you whisper, licking the shell of his ear right after. “Want you to fill me up so good. Please.”
You meet his thrusts and then clench around him. It’s what does it for him, as he releases a long groan that almost makes you come another time. Your pants match his and he hugs you tightly before kissing your neck.
He’s sweating and unsurprisingly so, but it makes him look even hotter, with the softness in his eyes turning into determination in seconds. He bites your lip before licking your mouth.
“I’m not done with you yet,” he smirks. “Gotta cover all bases and take you from every angle, baby.” Pulling away, he releases you from his hold. “Will you turn around for me? We’ve got the rest of the day for this.”
You’re left speechless at his words but you’re eager and pliant as you’re under his spell. You turn around as he asks and the feel of his tongue on your cunt overstimulates yet electrifies you. There’s no other way you want to spend your Saturday. You know your Sunday and every day after that will be the same. But Jungkook is an amazing lover, and you know that after all the roughness, he’ll hold you gently, pepper you with soft kisses, and tell you how much he loves you so you won’t ever forget.
It’s weeks later when you pick up the phone and make a call.
“Hey, babe,” Jungkook’s sweet voice greets you on the other end of the line. “I’m heading to McDonald’s. The meal served on the plane was so little and I’m still hungry. Do you want anything?”
“Just, uh, just fries,” you mumble, as you pace back and forth in your living room.
“That’s all?” He asks, knowing that you always want that with a sundae. “Do you want me to get something from somewhere else?”
“No, I’ve had dinner, Kook,” you say. “But uh, do you think you can pass by the pharmacy? I… I need a pregnancy test.”
You can hear a pin drop with the silence from both your ends. But it could also probably just be your mind going blank as you vocalize the words, a request that holds with it so much as you try to think of what will happen after the result comes out.
“Baby…” Jungkook manages to mumble.
“I didn’t realize that my period’s been late a few days,” you explain. “But the cramps have been bearable and I didn’t think much of the nausea but, maybe… I mean, there’s a chance that—”
You only ramble when you’re nervous and Jungkook can feel your anxiety even through the phone.
“Baby,” he interrupts you. “It’s okay. Are you feeling any pain right now?”
“No… I just… Come home soon, please. I… I need to be with you.”
“I’ll be home soon. I love you.”
He drops the call and makes his order through the window, then he asks Mr. Yu to head to the nearby pharmacy where Jungkook runs to the counter for the pregnancy test and then asks his chauffeur to quickly but safely drive to you. He wants nothing more than to be with you right now and calm your nerves, and while his mind is going haywire at the thought of a possible pregnancy, he knows he needs to be the strong one; he needs to be the one to keep you both grounded, even if another false alarm will crush both your hearts.
The time is ticking by too slowly and he opts to send you messages instead, updating you of where he is and how much longer it’ll take for him to get to you, hoping that this could at least help while you wait for him to arrive.
Back in your loft, you continue pacing around the living room. You’d been too busy with work to take note of your tracker, which is why you hadn’t realized until today that your period is late. Jungkook’s been in Japan since Thursday and took a late afternoon flight this Monday so he can get home to you right away. You know he’s worried; even with his calm voice, you know deep down he’s just as anxious as you are. You appreciate that he’s holding the fort for both of you; he probably could tell from your rambling that you’re a little out of sorts, and for good reason.
Since deciding on actively trying to get pregnant, there’s been an air of tension about the topic even if it’s something you both openly talk about. Perhaps it’s wanting it so much that the chance of not achieving it is a heartbreaking thought.
You remind yourself, however, that you had a go at it not long ago; you’ve been following Dr. Han’s recommendations of cutting back on things as well so the hopeful part of you thinks that there’s a big chance it could happen. Every part of you wishes it’s happy tears tonight and not sad ones.
Your door unlocks and you stand from the couch, meeting Jungkook, who places the food on the nearby flat surface, and hugging him tightly.
“I missed you,” he hums against your hair. “You don’t have to be scared, okay? I’m with you. We’re doing this together, and whatever happens, we’ll hold each other. We promised, remember?”
“I remember,” you mumble. Facing him, you say you’ll take the test in the guest bathroom. “We’ll wait and check together, honey. I love you, whatever happens.”
“I love you, whatever happens.”
You exit the bathroom and find him seated on the bed, his coat removed and his tie loosened. His hair is a little mussed, perhaps from constantly combing through it as a way to ease his nerves. You sit on his lap - your safe place - and hug him again, letting your joint breaths remind you that you share the anticipation and the fear and the excitement with him.
Your alarm beeps to signal that the waiting time is over, and he pulls you close for a deep kiss before you stand up, and you drown in his taste and his scent, knowing that you’ll need all forms of his comfort tonight.
Walking together, you stand by the counter and stare at the stick that’s been turned over. He’s hugging you from behind and you pull his arms tighter around you. With a deep breath, you turn the test over again to face you, and the way that he buries his face in your neck while he whispers I love you in your ears is what makes your tears fall.
Two lines signifying your hopes and dreams of a family that you’ll love with all your imperfect heart.
“We’re having a little one, babe,” he huffs. “We… We’re gonna be parents.”
You finally face him, your tears uncontrollable now, and all you can do is nod.
“Yes,” you whisper. “We… we’re—”
His chest buries your cries, as you’re unable to form words at the gift that you’ve been given. His strong arms cradle you against him and it’s all you really need - just his love, for you, for the child you’ll have, for the family you’ll build.
Jungkook kisses your forehead before kneeling down to face your belly that’s started to nurture your baby.
“I can’t wait to meet you, little one,” he whispers. “You’re gonna be so, so loved. Mommy and Daddy will make sure of that.”
There’s so much emotion, as you watch Jungkook sweetly smile at what’s now housing the most important being in this world right now. His glassy doe-eyes, small sniffles, and the way he caresses you give you a glimpse of how he’ll probably be starting now. He already looks at you with so much love and you can just imagine how much more affectionate he’d be with that little human growing inside you. He’ll be giving and showing love to two now; there’s something incredibly special about that.
The low grumble of your stomach breaks the moment, however, but your joint laughter is welcomed, as he nuzzles your torso and kisses it in places before standing up to face you again.
“I know you said you just wanted fries but I got you that chicken and mozzarella sandwich you like and strawberry McFlurry, too,” he says, wiping away your tears. “I thought that if it was negative, you’d want to eat your sadness away, and if it was positive, you’d be so happy you’d want to eat more. It could also be that you’re just really hungry.”
“That’s a fair assessment,” you giggle. “But I had early dinner and I think the anxiety got to me. Thank you, honey. You already know what I need before I even say it.”
“I'm a certified dream husband and a dad-in-training,” he winks, making your heart soar. “But also… is it okay to feed our child… grease?”
You pinch his cheeks adoringly. “Just this once, I guess. And then it’s all healthy stuff for me starting tomorrow.”
“You mean for us,” he corrects.
“For us,” you nod.
You both eat your unhealthy comfort food, with baby talk dominating throughout dinner, such as what you’ll name them, how you’ll tell your family and friends, and how the home setup is gonna be like. You both decide on waiting until this weekend for the announcement, wanting to go to the doctor first and just savoring this moment between the both of you. You’ll eventually transform Jungkook’s office space in your room to a nursery and contact Hoseok to look for houses that you’ll move into after you give birth.
Jungkook asks you to have a shower with him, admitting that he feels quite clingy given the news. You don’t mind at all, especially when he hugs you from behind under the warm water and caresses your stomach again while he languidly kisses your lips.
He makes love to you once you’re in bed.
It’s different from what you’d both done during your “baby-making week,” as he liked to call it, when he took you on different surfaces and on different angles all over your apartment. You’d even done it in the car in your building’s basement parking because he wanted to “cover all bases,” although you know he just wanted an excuse because that reckless part of him just liked the thrill of fucking you in a not-so-private space. You loved every bit of that week though, and even the days that followed, where despite his late nights, early mornings, and business trips, he made sure to express his love in different ways.
But tonight, he takes it slow and simple, as he gently yet purposefully pushes into you while he looks into your eyes with so much adoration. He intertwines his fingers with yours, filling all your spaces, and cups your cheek while he whispers words of love and praise.
It’s a gradual buildup and perhaps it’s why your orgasm is drawn out as well. It’s a different kind of pleasure, as you feel suspended in air while being pulled down before the acceleration comes when he sucks your breast, as if you’re orgasming again while coming down from it. But it’s Jungkook - some days he’s rough and teasing; sometimes he’s gentle and serious.
Everyday it’s love though. Whatever form or pace it is, it’s the only love you want to know.
It’s tough keeping news as big as your pregnancy from your family and friends, but you and Jungkook wanted to consult with the doctor first so you can answer their questions because you know that there’ll be many of them, including when you’re due. It’s why you canceled dinner with the girls that Wednesday and why you passed up on lunch with your siblings that Friday.
You made it to Saturday, where you and Jungkook offered to host your monthly hangouts with all your friends in your apartment and then casually said over dinner that you’re pregnant. It was silent for a good minute before they burst into screams.
Nari and Jimin cried, which you didn’t expect. Taehyung burst into an opera-like song to express his emotions, Yeji was taking a video of the chaos, and Minhyuk was the only sane one who hugged you tightly and said that your child will be so lucky to have a set of crazy and loving uncles and aunties who will spoil them to no end.
It’s Sunday now, and it just so happens that your and Jungkook’s grandparents are in town to attend a gala this week.
Enjoying your lunch in the indoor dining hall of your parents’ estate, the scene is a common one - lavish dishes on the table that Seokjin chows down while little Seungjun sits on his lap, Soojin announcing that she scored 3 goals in their recent soccer game and that her twin brother Sunghoon placed first in their school’s poetry-writing contest, big boy Jihoon feeding his little sister, and the rest of the adults talking to each other from across the table, leaving the room abuzz with laughter and squeals.
Your grandfather asks everyone to quiet down, wanting to hear how everyone’s doing, even if he’s really just looking at you and Jungkook.
“And how about both of you, my dear?” He asks. “How have things been since your visit to Busan?”
“We’ve been well,” you reply, immediately taking Jungkook’s hand. You don’t really have a plan of how you’ll tell everyone; just like how things have always been, you just want it simple. The news is a big deal, but you don’t want anything grand when it comes to announcing it. “We’re both busy with work but we’ve been making time for each other.”
“And your health?” Your grandmother asks.
“Back to normal. The new medication has been good so I think I’m all clear,” you smile.
“That’s wonderful,” your grandfather replies, pausing a bit, perhaps to let you continue should there be more you want to say.
You can tell he’s trying to control himself from asking something else; it’s not lost on you that your grandparents have been very vocal about their desire for you and Jungkook to have a child, considering that, in their words, they “don’t have much time left on earth.” You feel for them. This union was a dream and you hadn’t realized until the car ride this morning just how much a child would mean to them.
Your grandfather turns to Seoyeon, ready to ask her this time but you get ahead of him.
“Actually, I’m not really back to normal,” you say, earning you worried looks from everyone. “I actually… Uh, you see. I… We—”
“We’re pregnant,” Jungkook finishes for you. You nudge him at the sudden announcement but he just chuckles. “You were rambling.”
“I…” You turn to look at your family who are all wide-eyed, perhaps still processing the words - except for the kids, of course, who are all still munching on their food, with Soojin asking why everyone is so quiet.
“Jungkook and I are expecting,” you say now, more calmly and more certain. “I’m due in the summer and we’re really excited. And nervous. But we can’t wait to meet our little one soon. And—”
The emotions overflow at this moment - both your parents and siblings are all teary-eyed, expressing their joy and excitement in so many ways. Your mother walks to you for a tight hug, and your father does the same to Jungkook until you’re hugging each member of both of your families - with your grandparents taking most of the time - including the kids who just follow what the adults are doing.
Soojin squeals when you explain in kid language what’s happening, prompting her to hug your belly then remarking that you look the same.
“Your Auntie’s belly will grow big soon,” Jungkook says, rubbing your stomach. “Can I ask all of you to take care of her with me?” He asks the little ones now, kneeling in front of them and mirroring their adorable smiles.
“Yes, Uncle Kookie!” They say in unison, prompting you to kneel alongside him and hugging each of the kids.
Their kisses are long and sweet. They’re much older now so they feel more responsibility when it comes to you and the baby, so they ask a lot of questions like how big they are right now, what they’re eating, and how they’ll come out of your belly. You answer each question, trying to explain as simply as you can with all the patience in the world.
Jungkook watches you, knowing that this - and all the times that you’re with them - is just a peek of how you’ll be as a mother. And he can’t wait to witness and experience all that with you. There’s so much to be excited about; he knows every moment now is precious and one you both will have to savor.
You return to your seat once everyone’s recovered, even if your mother is still crying and your grandparents still have glassy eyes.
“I know it took a while,” you say. “But Kook and I just wanted to make sure that we were having this child for our own reasons. And well, considering how we started, we wanted to enjoy ourselves first and not feel like we’re missing out on things.”
“And that’s alright, sweetheart,” Jungkook’s grandmother assures you. “We’re just glad that this happened on your own terms this time.”
“It did,” Jungkook answers. “We had a lot of growing up to do but uh, that won’t stop. I… I’ll still need help.”
“You have us,” Junghyun says now. “Min-jun, Seokjin, and I will do the big brother thing and guide you, Kook. You don’t have to worry about that.”
Seoyeon winks at you to say that you have her, Yeri, and Mina as well. You and Jungkook have such amazing people to guide you and that you look up to; you can’t wait to get to know yourself and each other in this aspect as well.
The rest of the afternoon is spent with your parents and grandparents talking to you and Jungkook, expressing their joy and hope that everything will all be okay. Your siblings pull you both aside to talk about the next steps from parenting sessions, prenatal yoga, house hunting, and everything in between. They make it all exciting, knowing that the worries will come and go, and you appreciate them all for that.
Later that night, you lay in bed while Jungkook stays by your side, propped up with one arm while his hand caresses your stomach once more, something he’s been doing every night before you both sleep.
“Today was good,” you say, as you place your hand over his, caressing the fingers that wander around your bare skin. “It somehow reminded me of that lunch when they proposed this marriage and now look where we are. We’ve come such a long way, Kook. I’m glad we can finally share the joy with them.”
Jungkook responds with a hum, his eyes glued to your stomach, traces of deep thoughts in them.
“What are you thinking about, honey?” You ask, cupping his cheek. He closes his eyes briefly to savor your touch.
“Just… everything, I guess,” he huffs. “Everyone said so many things. My brother even sent me a long text that I still have to respond to. But I was thinking about the kids. They’re still a rowdy bunch but they’re so good to each other, babe. They’re so good to people. And they have such affection towards their parents. I… I want that for our child. I want them to be good to others, to be loving to others. I want them to love us.”
“Honey, they will,” you smile, “because we’re raising them. You have such a big heart, Kook. I just know that’ll be enough to make them kind and loving people.”
“I just… I just want to be a good dad,” he admits, revealing another layer of his vulnerability. “I want them to have fun with me, to trust that I’ll protect them always. I want to be someone they’ll be proud of; I want them to be happy that I’m their father. I want to do right by them, by you.”
“I bet as they grow up, they’ll want to do the same with you. That’s how loved they’ll feel,” you say, turning to your side so you can face him and he can focus only on you. “You’re already doing amazing, honey. They’ll feel how much you love them by how much you love me. And you love me so beautifully. That makes all the difference.”
“Thank you for making me so happy,” he responds after a beat of silence, his heartfelt words piercing through you. “I didn’t think I could feel more for you than I already do.”
“Me, too,” you smile, kissing him deeply. “We’re gonna be okay. Things will start to change but I want you to know that I’ll love you through it all, okay?”
“And I’ll love you through it all just the same,” he kisses your forehead now.
With you cradled in Jungkook’s arms as you listen to his steadying heartbeat and soft snores, you know that however hard this journey is gonna be, he’ll hold you no matter what, and you’ll be strong for each other through it all.
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Mama Didn't Raise No Bimbo - Part 11
I decided we needed a bit of an outsider view on Y/n and the Vee's as its so easy to get stuck in your little bubble, plus Angel being shifty needed to be sorted!
Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight / Part Nine / Part Ten / Part Eleven / Part Twelve / Part Thirteen / Part Fourteen / Part Fifteen / Part Sixteen
“You thought this was a date?” you asked in a bit of shock. Humming his lips were twitching in amusement. “Well …” you bit your lip and then thought screw it, “I thought you out of everyone would have planned a much better date and more entertaining than posing for cameras and being looked at like shark bait by creepy club owners?” It was now your turn to laugh as his screen once again glitched and he narrowed his eyes.
“You just wait Y/n” as you walked outside you took a deep breath of fresh air.
“With pleasure, Sir” you smirk up at the TV Demon who matched you with one of his own. This night might have been a bust but it definitely was interesting.
It had been a few days since the club opening and you had dealt with seeing articles plastering yours and Vox’s face over them asking ‘who was this Sinner with Vox’ quite well. Which meant you had avoided looking at any news, any articles and any social media for the first day as you were a little embarrassed by the headlines and different opinions demons were saying about you and Vox. You had a few messages off the Vee’s each expressing different emotions about them. Velvette checked to see if you were okay, also complimented you how you made sure to tell the paps that you were wearing her design (and looked hella hawt doing it – her words) while looking good solo and with Vox. Valentino just praised how well you did and when were you going to come to one of his clubs in those outfits, and when you did could he choose it. And Vox. Well, he simply put ‘I always knew we would look good together, don’t think I’ve forgotten about our date’.
Currently you were, however, sat in the Hazbin Hotel at the bar waiting for Angel. He’d been avoiding your calls, texts and now you have had enough of it, you have given him all day to respond to your messages and calls so now he was going to face you whether he wanted to or not. So, eight minutes ago you sent a message: ‘Bar. Downstairs. 10 Minutes. If you don’t come, I’ll drag you out of your room myself’. A cocktail sat in front of you untouched as you counted down the minutes. You knew he wasn’t at work today as you’d checked with Valentino and Husk the bartender had been very informative that Angel had dragged himself to his room this morning and hadn’t emerged yet. Husk was currently wiping over a few glasses sending you questioning glances every minute or so.
Nine Minutes. Tapping your nails on the counter you start to count the seconds from the clock hung on the wall.
“What are you going to do if he doesn’t come down?” Husk’s deep voice distracts you from counting. 45 seconds.
“Drag him out kicking and screaming”, you smile serenely picking up your cocktail to have a sip. His eyebrows rose in surprise.
“Little thing like you?” Smirking into your drink you shrug, placing your drink down. 20 seconds. You really didn’t want to have to yank Angel out of his room, but you would. Bracing your hands on the bar you go to push yourself up when a very hungover Angel slumped into the bar stool next to you.
“Good evening, stranger” you chirp, irritating the already grumpy sinner.
“What do you want y/n? I’ve had a long night, and I haven’t the fuckin’ energy to deal with your positive mood”, chuckling at his moaning you slide the sipped cocktail in front of him. Eyeing you he quickly downs it, flinching at the excess alcohol you asked Husk to put in there. Choking he tries to clear his throat as you turn on your stool to face him head on.
“Why are you avoiding me?” You ask. Face now devoid of humour, you stare at his mismatched eyes catching the flinch he tried to hide.
“Who says I’m avoiding you?” He mumbles, motioning for Husk to bring him another drink.
“Me, idiot. We used to see each other nearly every day, if not at least once or twice a week and now you don’t respond to my messages, you don’t answer my calls, you are always busy when I pop to see you at work. What would you call that if not avoidance?” Waiting for him to finish his sip, you tap your nails in annoyance when he evaded looking you in the eyes.
“Look toots, these things happen. People grow apart. That’s what happens in show business, you should get used to it.”
“Please tell me that is not it?” eyes narrowing at him. “That I am finally getting a bit of recognition and you aren’t happy about it?”
“I ain’t that pathetic” he snarled at you, fists clenching around his drink.
“Well thank Lucifer for that, then what is it?”
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, contemplating what to say before he finally just snapped: “it’s who you are hanging around with to get that ‘recognition’”.
Ahh. Okay.
“You don’t like me spending time with the Vee’s?” You confirm, tilting your head eyeing him as he struggles with his words.
“Obviously honey! They ain’t good people!”
“We’re in Hell babe, who is?” You waft your hand around to make your point. If you were good people, you’d not be in Hell.
Scrunching his face in concern, he reaches over and grabs your hand. “Look y/n, you don’t know what you are getting into. You don’t know who or what they are like!”
“Like you did when you signed your contract?” Low Blow, you know but you needed to get your point across. “I know you are trying to protect me Angel, and I appreciate it. But you pulling away and avoiding me is only going to have me going to them more. I am not stupid. I know what I’m doing. I know who they are and what they have done. I mean have you really forgotten who you are speaking too here?” You squeeze his hand, offering him a small smile.
“I know you are clever and can play their game as well as the best, but I’m just worried they’re going to trap you somehow”. Your eyes drop to where he pulls at his choker necklace with a small gold tag. Hmm.
“Then that’ll be my own fault. But I swear, they aren’t getting near my soul. I made one deal with Velvette and that is just to showcase her clothes and me singing at her catwalk okay – that’s it. Nothing more, they know that.” I keep my eyes on his so he could see how serious I was.
After a few tense moments he nodded in surrender and tiredly rubbed his face with his other hand. Asking Husk for two shots of vodka you push the other in front of Angel.
“Apology shot?” A small smile graced his face as he clinks your glasses together before you both finish them off.
Watching you for a moment he starts, “So…” you scrunch your nose up at the taste of the shot, you forgot how much you disliked vodka, shoving the glass back on the bar. “How are your suga’ daddies and momma treatin’ you?” Snorting in amusement you throw him a look.
“I’m still living in my shit house that I call an apartment and working every job that is worth taking if that’s what you’re asking”, accepting another shot off Husk.
“Oh, they’ve not offered you to move in yet?” Choking on the shot you slap your chest to remove the alcohol from your windpipe.
“I wear Velvette’s clothes, not shag the Vee’s babe, why would they ask me to move in with them?” You questioned.
“Hmm, I dunno know toots. I saw the photos”, his eyes lit up in amusement as he started pulling them up on his phone. “I mean big ol’ Voxxie looked like he was just about ready to devour you – which woulda been so hot. Which reminds me, do ya need any pointers? I know it’s been a longggg time for you” your cheeks were on fire from blushing as you shove a laughing Angel away from you. Dick.
“Ain’t it like riding a bike?” You tease back trying to lessen the blush from your face.
“What type of bike are you ridin’ doll?” if you weren’t so glad you both were now okay, you’d have cursed him out by now. After a few more teasing comments about your lack of skill or sex life you glared. His teasing smile lessened a bit, sipping on his drink he decided to throw you a curveball, “ya know, Valentino messaged me the other night and not about work”.
Eyebrow quirking you tilt your head: “What about?”
“He cursed me out for ditching you at that club opening”, ah bugger. You remembered him typing furiously on his phone that night but you didn’t even think he’d contact Angel.
“Oh Angel, I am so sorry babe I didn’t think he’d say anything to you!” Waving off your apology he shrugged.
“I shouldn’t have ditched ya so I deserved it … but you looked like you enjoyed yourself anyway”, his teasing smile came back making another blush raise on your cheeks.
“I didn’t know Vox was going to be there, he hadn’t said anything to me. He told me Valentino messaged him to get dressed and meet me”. You defended yourself a bit against the teasing Sinner.
“Val told Vox to meet you?” Angel’s eyebrows scrunched up on his forehead.
“I was just as confused as you are now, I figured the club scene was more Val’s than Vox’s.”
“Huh” eyeing you with a mixture of confusion and amusement. “Ya really got them wrapped around your little finger now ain’t cha”, rolling your eyes it was your turn to laugh at him.
“Hardly! If I did, don’t you think I’d be living in a gorgeous apartment, have a nice car and not having to work another day in my undead life?” you reason with him. Having the Vee’s wrapped around your little finger, that’ll be the day.
“Mhmm … but you’ve got Velvette giving you free clothes”-
“-Which I promote for her, help design and plus I’ve gotta sing at her catwalk show” you interrupt.
“Okay fair but you’ve got Valentino bossin’ around Vox for you, sending you cutesy shit – yes I’ve seen the messages and photos – and you’ve got Vox looking like a panting dog chasin’ ya around on those photos on the articles. And probably more shit but the cameras just aint caught it!”
Mouth opening and closing as you try to come up with a counter argument, you eventually shut your mouth with a snap. He was right – not about Vox chasing you around the carpet he had actually helped you, but the rest was kinda correct.
“You might not have them completely wrapped around it but toots you are pretty darn close”. He surmised with a smug smirk.
Gulping a little you bite your lip: “What do I do?”
Shrugging, he awkwardly smiles at you: “Ain’t for me to say darlin’, but whatever you do be safe … and have fun”.
Licking your bottom lip, you play around with your empty shot glass on the counter so you didn’t have to look at him. “If … hypothetically I did, how did you so beautifully put it – wrap them round my little finger and have fun – you wouldn’t start avoiding me again would ya?” you questioned, running your finger around the rim of the glass.
Snorting in amusement, one of his arms wrapped around your neck as he placed an exaggerated kiss on your cheek.
“Doll face. You are stuck with me now! Hey if you’re up living it large with those Vee’s I want a Lamborghini for my birthday”, he teased. Tenseness fading from your body you laugh and give him a squeeze around his hips. Angel was one of your true friends in Hell, you’d be lost without him. “Plus, I can give you the low down on how to get Val off”.
“Ew Angel!!” Shoving him off you he bursts out laughing. Clutching his stomach as you scoff at him, blush burning your ears. A buzz from your pocket distracts you from a cackling Angel, pulling it out your jeans pocket you see a message from Vox: ‘Me and Val need to speak to you about an opportunity, I��ll send a car for you’. Peeking up through your hair you see that smug grin on Angel’s face.
Rolling your eyes you give him a snarky smirk in return: “sorry my suga’ daddies are calling” you wink at him as you both laugh. Texting Vox the address, to which he responded: ‘I know’ you scoff. Course he would know. Finishing the last shot you give Angel a quick kiss on the cheek and thank Husk while putting down some money to pay for the numerous drinks.
“I will be seeing you later babes!” He promised to text you tomorrow and you left, happy that you two had buried the hatchet and feeling so much lighter than you have for a few days.
Stepping outside the hotel you spy a black car pull up. Hurrying down the steps you are surprised when a sinner gets out the driver’s seat and opens the back door for you with a small bow in your direction. Okay. That’s new. Thanking them you slide in and relax in the lush leather seating. Perhaps having them a little bit wrapped round your finger is a good thing?
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It has been..........
7 months.......
What has become of you, mdg? What will become of Stop Me??
As of right now I know it’s been much longer than 7 months. I’m sorry for that.
I’m an anxious person. When I started writing Stop Me, it was because I was angry. I didn’t start posting until it was over 80 chapters long. I had some recognition for my story Redeem the Stars but this was different. It was longer and became more personal. I started feeling the pressure of people wanting more. People reaching out with personal messages. Telling me how good the writing was. Telling me how it messed with them emotionally. All I could think was ‘yes, this very human and personal experience I’ve given to this character would disturb anyone’. And then the fanart happened. And someone stole full ideas and lines from my story to pass off as their own. And amongst all these internet things, I was dealing with IRL problems and people, while not realizing I was being treated poorly by said people. A lot of that has changed now but I’m struggling.
And then I remember everyone here, wanting more of my story, to see how it ends, the last episode and then the movie itself, and I feel frozen. It feels like pressure to me. Pressure to produce. Pressure for it to be good enough. I feel put under optics and on a pedestal and every time I try to step down, people tell me it’s fine, it’s ok, take my time, no worries. But that doesn’t take the pressure away.
So. What’s become of me? I’m learning every day to try to tackle the little things. I’ve surrounded myself with plants, some rare, some unique, some that just make me happy. I’m reminding myself how much magic is really in the world. I’m trying to be better, not just for other people but also myself. I opened a Kofi, after much wonderful advice and suggestions, but I’ve been afraid to post about it here. Again, because ‘what if I’m not good enough?’ as that weighs on me every day. But I’m trying. Some days there are hiccups and steps back. Other days I remember how capable and powerful I really am and that I don’t give myself enough credit. I’m ok. And I’m learning that on the days that I’m not, that’s ok, too. I’ll get through it.
And what’s become of Stop Me? Nothing. Nothing has changed. I still intend to finish it. I still think about it all the time and how I want it to be perfect. I have a personal deadline now. In 2026, it will have been 10 years. 10. Years. Since one of the best things happened to me and one of the worst. I need to finish Stop Me for me before then. I know I can do it. It will happen.
#tfp stop me#megadoomingir#thanks for the ask!#personal story time#it’s hard but I’m gettin’ better every day
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Christen Press is a changed person as she nears return from injury: ‘I enjoy my life more’
Christen Press hasn’t gone two years without a soccer game since she learned to walk. So when she was laid up by a torn anterior cruciate ligament that took four surgeries and nearly 25 months to repair, she decided to make use of the free time she never thought she’d have.
As a result, the player who returned to training with Angel City this month is not the same one who was carried off the field eight games into the team’s first season.
“I definitely feel like this is the best version of me that I’ve ever known. And I hope it continues to evolve,” Press said Saturday in an interview that was heavy on smiles and optimism.
“I don’t know if I would say I’m a better person. I am a more grounded person. I’m more peaceful. I’m more at ease with myself. I’m more self-aware. I enjoy my life more, absolutely.”
It would be hard for her to be a better player than she was two years ago. A two-time World Cup champion and Hermann Trophy winner whose 64 international goals rank ninth in U.S. women’s national team history, Press was arguably in the best form of her life when she sustained the first major injury of her career.
At first she expected to be back in time for last summer’s World Cup. Then she thought maybe she could play in this summer’s Olympic Games. But the injury proved to be stubborn, and doctors had to go back in three more times for additional repairs.
She’s now 35, and it’s uncertain how her reconstructed knee — and the rest of her body — will hold up when she returns to the field. That question probably will be answered during one of Angel City’s three Summer Cup games, which will be played during NWSL’s seven-week Olympic break.
Given what she has gone through already, Press is confident she can handle whatever comes next.
“Every single day when I go out to the field I asked my knee, ‘Are you ready?’ It’s out of my control in a lot of ways,” she said. “It’s not, ‘Oh, you’re back and everything’s easy.’ My career will never look like it did.
“I want to make it back. I want to see if I can be good.”
Angel City could certainly use the help. The team went into the Olympic break having won only one of its last nine games, falling to 11th place in the 14-team NWSL with 10 games to play.
Press is likely to be ready for significant playing time when the season resumes in late August, but she might not be the only addition to the roster. With the transfer window opening soon, Angel City is nearing deals on two significant summer signings, said one person close to the team who is not authorized to speak publicly on personnel matters.
Despite the injury, Press was never really inactive. Physical therapy after each operation ate up much of her time, and she said she still does four to six hours of daily exercises just to keep the swelling down.
“Honestly, it’s a full-time job for her,” said Sarah Smith, Angel City’s director of medical and performance.
Still, she used the opportunity to work on other things as well. Press said she started therapy — the mental kind, not the physical kind — last September.
“I was like, ‘Well I have all this additional time that I can’t be on the pitch. What can I do with it?’ ” she said. “And I had a lot to work through, like my childhood, but also a changing life.
“Being healthy and strong has been my whole career, right? But it hurt to go up and down the stairs. It was a very big shift in identity.”
She has also devoted more time to the eclectic business empire she and her partner and former teammate Tobin Heath are managing, one that includes RE—INC, a gender-neutral community-driven fashion brand, and the RE—CAP Show, the couple’s entertaining award-winning podcast on women’s soccer.
That has given the whip-smart Stanford graduate a jump-start on the next phase of her life, though she’s not sure when that phase will begin in earnest. Her Angel City contract expires at the end of the season, but Press said that if her knee holds up, she’s not putting any limits on how much longer she might play.
“There’s part of soccer that has been really hard that I don’t miss. And then there’s simultaneously a deep longing and a sadness for not being in the game,” she said. “My body’s craving competition. It’s like a dichotomy.”
If the last two years have produced nothing on the soccer field and have been mostly painful off it, mentally and physically, they’ve been invaluable in many other ways. She’s grown. She’s become stronger, smarter, healthier and wiser. And she promises that’s going to be good for everyone — but especially for her.
“There’s pain and there’s also an opportunity,” Press said. “I have this ideology that things don’t happen to you, they happen for you. So I always ask myself, ‘What’s the gift of this?’
“It’s a happy story. It’s life, you know. It’s happy and it’s sad. [Am I] a better person?’ No, I’m different.”
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GQ & ADLAD CPN
@accio-victuuri has a post about some of the CPN from the GQ feature on GG. There are a couple more CPNs that I wanted to talk about because - with the exception of a couple of tidbits - I haven't seen turtles talking about some things that really stood out to me.
Both of the tidbits being discussed by BXG are based on fake rumors from the past.
Godly Back
Turtles feel that the backless jacket might be what was referred to in the recent LRLG rumor (Apparently wangwang senbei can be a homophone sounding like 'godly back').
In this context, "You saw what I wore, can you please choose something normal" becomes hilarious. 😅
If he really was talking about GG's back, well... DD, the rest of the internet agrees with you given the hotsearch that was trending on both the main and entertainment hotsearches. 😅
Xiao Zhan's back ditch is so deep
GGDD and ADLAD
This one I wanted to dig more deeply into because it's connected to a few different CPN from a long time ago, and a lot of turtles might not be aware of all these connections.
In the GQ interview GG mentioned he was really nervous for the first performance of ADLAD.
At the time a LRLG rumor came out with some exchanges between GG and DD in the days leading up to that first show. GG talks about being nervous, DD and his staff video call him to wish him Jiayou, and at one point - presumably the last time they talk before that first show - DD video calls with GG and closes off by giving him a high 5.
The day after the first show, GG posted on Weibo.
At the time there was a lot of speculation about what that second photo was. One of the theories was that GG had screen capped DD's hand high-5-ing his phone. Some fans even tried doing that themselves (screencapping their hands up against their phone cameras to see what would happen) with somewhat similar results - photos that were an ombre of pale pink to red.
Some additional CPN
When I saw GG talking in GQ about the first ADLAD show and how nervous he was and I saw turtles looking back over the LRLG rumors from that time, I decided to look over those rumors myself. I found a couple things there that really hit me in the gut, but which I haven't seen other turtles discussing.
Magician DD
One thing that stood out to me from the ADLAD LRLG rumor was when DD told GG he could do magic, and told his staff that only GG believed him.
Back in 2021 a series of pages called the 300G were released, which claimed to be transcripts of some of the best unseen moments from The Untamed BTS (300GB of BTS footage was reportedly sold to BXG fansites). They were translated by an all-star team of some of the best BXG translators and overall fandom MVP on Twitter back in the day (god I miss those days of Twitter 😢).
Disclaimer: We must remember that these are unconfirmed transcripts. As far as I know, none of the footage that could substantiate these transcripts has ever been released, so it could just be someone's fanfic.
Anyway, my absolute favorite moment in those transcripts was an exchange between GG and DD, when GG had been struggling with nailing a scene. My synopsis from a post I made about GG and DD's personalities a while back:
GG is having a hard time getting a take right for a scene, and the director tells him to take a break. DD scoots over to where GG is resting and holds out his two fists facing downward in front of GG and asks him to pick one for a surprise. GG agonizes a bit over which one to choose, but finally picks a hand. DD gives GG a mysterious smile and asks GG to hold out his hand. GG does, and DD opens his fingers over GG’s palm. There’s nothing there. DD says, “I’ve just given you some luck, so that on your next take, you will succeed.” GG asks what is in the other hand and DD turns it over and opens it and says, “See, there’s nothing there! Zhan-ge is so good, you guessed right on the first try!” GG rolls his eyes at DD and says, “WYB, in your heart, do you think I’m more than 10 years old?” On the next take, GG nails the scene.
So it's just possible that DD and GG have a long history of this type of exchange, of DD giving GG his 'magical' support. GG is just superstitious enough that it might genuinely help him, and anyway, who could fail to be soothed by such sweet magic? 🥹
GG and Sleep
Another thing that stood out to me is when GG talked about being unable to sleep. Honestly this part of the interview really got me because I have always struggled with extreme insomnia and I could totally feel his pain. I've tried so many of the things that he's tried, and have had similarly mixed/poor results.
Anyway, aside from the aromatherapy candle CPN that's been heavily discussed in the fandom, what stood out to me CPN-wise was the fact that LRLG rumors have (I think this has happened at least a few times, but I can't recall specifics), featured moments where it seemed like GG and DD left their phone/video calls active to keep each other company when the other one was sleeping.
In the ADLAD LRLG rumor there's a moment when it seems like GG might be having difficulty sleeping and DD keeps him company.
Find someone who will keep you company over the phone while you try to take a nap. 🥹
Firecrackers
Just another quick thing from that same rumor, DD talks about wanting to set off some firecrackers for GG, which... ugh, so sweet. My god.
His staff encourages him to do it, and he says he will be 'taken away' if he does (maybe get into trouble, likely exaggerated a bit), and his staff says he'll cover for DD.
In Chinese culture (and in fact, in many cultures), firecrackers are considered very lucky because they are believed to drive away evil spirits and bad luck (which is why they're such a feature of Spring Festival celebrations).
GG and DD always look out for each other, and this CPN around ADLAD and around GG's sleep struggles really hit me hard. I love them both so damn much!
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Day 1 - Eternal Bonds
Kinktober 2024 Prompt List | Kinktober 2024 Masterlist
Words: 2121 CW: Bondage, Slight Femdom, Affectionate Intimacy Pairing: Comte de Saint-Germain x Reader Prompt(s): Bondage | Role Reversal
Notes: This is my first time participating in Kinktober! I’ve challenged myself to do 31 days of Comte smut to celebrate. Especially given 10/10 is my birthday, and 10/25 is Comte’s, I felt it a fitting way to celebrate us both.
That, and I just love Comte. Even if he does wear a stupid tie.
“Are you sure this is alright?” You asked, worrying your lip with your teeth.
When le Comte had asked you if you wanted to try something new tonight, this wasn’t exactly what you had thought he meant.
The vampire was sat in his desk chair. His long overcoat was off, discarded on the bed. His fashion crime of a clip-on tie was laid on top of it. Le Comte’s shirt was partially unbuttoned, the smooth skin underneath peeking out from the neck. His legs were fastened to the feet of the chair with golden silk. You were in the process of binding his wrists to the arms of the chair with another piece of silk.
The golden silk ties the nobleman had had custom made to use on you.
The golden silk ties he had not yet used on you.
Part of you had the inkling that maybe he hadn’t actually purchased them with you in mind at all.
“I told you, ma chérie, I want you to have complete control this evening,” he said, grinning coyly. “That sounds like fun, non? You get to do whatever you want to me. Use me as you see fit,” Comte added, a seductive purr to his voice.
Your cheeks flushed a rosy hue. “I mean…” You ran your fingers over the soft fabric, having already finished securing one of his wrists. “It just feels strange. I haven’t done anything like this before. And you’re so,” she trailed off, gesturing to him. “Plus, can’t you break out of these if you decided you wanted to?”
Le Comte reached out with his one free hand and took ahold of your cheek. You leaned into the touch and he rubbed his thumb across your cheekbone, the playful smirk replaced with something far more gentle and affectionate. “It’s alright, mon amour. If you don’t want to, that’s okay, too,” he said, voice dripping with sweetness. You had this eternal, centuries-old vampire wrapped around your little finger, and you both knew it. “It’s important that we’re both comfortable.” His thumb swept across your cheek again and he tapped your nose with the pad of it, drawing a small giggle out of you.
His eyes lit up at the sound of your laugh. “I could free myself if I needed to, yes,” he reassured you. “So you need not worry about hurting me, if that’s your concern. I just thought it may be fun for us both to try something new.” Le Comte’s smile was genuine. He wouldn’t insist on doing anything you didn’t want to do.
You inhaled deeply, offering a shy smile. “Okay. If you’re sure… I can try.”
“Parfait,” he said, dropping his hand after a moment. He smiled at you reassuringly.
With newfound confidence, you restrained the vampire’s other arm. Le Comte was still free to move his body, but all of his limbs were bound to the plush armchair at his desk.
Seeing him bound to his chair was a surprisingly arousing sight. You were starting to understand why he suggested it.
With a shaky exhale, you rested your hand on top of his and slowly slid your fingers up his forearm, lightly dragging your nails across the fabric. He shivered, hands tensing, his golden eyes fixed on your face.
You took a step back and slowly started to unbutton your blouse, maintaining eye contact with the vampire as you did so. You opted to leave the majority of the shirt on rather than take it off entirely. The opening of it gave just enough of a view to tease. He swallowed as he saw flashes of your skin and the outline of your breasts barely peeking through the fabric. You could imagine what he was thinking right now; he was aching to sink his fangs into the flesh there and taste everything about you.
Teasing a vampire was a dangerous game. That didn’t stop you from doing it, however.
Rather, it excited you. The danger sent arousal pooling in your stomach, giving you even more confidence.
Comte was a very physical man. He loved to touch you. Undressing you - and dressing you - was something Comte enjoyed thoroughly. You were absolutely certain the denial of one of his favorite parts of making love to you would drive him insane, which was probably why he had suggested doing this tonight.
Suddenly, a thought came to you. The idea was horribly naughty, but…
You bit your lip.
If your goal was to drive le Comte to the brink of his self control tonight, then…
You dragged your eyes over him, taking in his appearance.
He didn’t appear to be struggling much at first glance, but you had been with le Comte long enough to know how he was when he wanted you. His hands were tense, clawing at the arms of his chair. You could just barely make out the pointed tip of a fang peeking out from over his bottom lip. His golden eyes had a heat behind them as he watched your every movement.
Feeling a surge of bravado, you tilted your head coyly, smirking, and slowly dragged your panties down your hips, finally tossing them carelessly into his lap. His eyes widened and he looked down at the fabric. Swallowing hard, he dragged his gaze back up to yours. The heat in his eyes had kindled into a blaze, his eyes glowing with a supernatural golden light. He was breathing heavily and you could clearly see both of his fangs now.
That sight stoked a mirrored flame in your core. You took a couple of steps forward.
“You were right. This is fun,” you said cheekily.
Comte growled your name in response. “Ma chérie,” he said hoarsely. “Please.”
“Please what?” You asked innocently. “I can’t give you what you want if you don’t use your big boy words to tell me.”
He hissed, running his tongue over his fangs. After a momentary battle of wills, he managed to say, “Touch me. S’il vous plait. I don’t know if I can take much more.”
Oh.
Comte begging for your touch was not what you had expected from this.
That was new.
It was empowering. And hot.
You sighed in mock disappointment, trying to hide just how much you wanted to touch him, too. “I suppose I can. Since you asked me so nicely.”
You took two steps closer to him, leaning forward to kiss him as your fingers moved to unbutton his shirt the rest of the way. Le Comte responded eagerly, immediately sliding his tongue against your lips. You parted them for him, running your hands up the porcelain expanse of his chest as he lapped against your lips. Your nails lightly scratched against his nipples and he pulled away from you with another hiss, baring his fangs again. His breathing was ragged.
You were concerned for a moment that you had possibly pushed him too far. “Abel?”
“I’m fine,” he panted. “It’s just taking more restraint than I had originally thought.” Comte closed his eyes for a moment, grounding himself, and then he looked back up at you with the same smoldering heat you had seen before. “You have no idea how.. utterly séduisant you are right now, mon amour. How badly I want to pin you down and pierce the soft skin of your neck, dragging you into eternity with me. I want to taste you so badly, ma chérie.”
His honest admittance was possibly the most erotic thing you’d ever heard from le Comte’s mouth, which was saying a lot. The man spoke French in some of the naughtiest ways. You didn’t even have to know what he was saying to know what he was trying to say. But the raw honesty of how bad he wanted you.. that took the proverbial cake.
You decided to take pity on him then. You ran your hands back down his chest towards his pants, palming him through his trousers. He groaned at the contact, shifting his hips in an attempt for more.
You carefully unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants, trying to avoid touching him as best you could.
“I fear I may have given you too much power,” he chuckled breathlessly. “You seem to be enjoying this a bit too much.”
You just grinned in response as you freed Comte’s erect cock from its confines and moved to hover in his lap, your knees on either side of his thighs. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but you wanted to see his face and be able to kiss him as you rode him.
The vampire’s golden eyes looked up at you and through the corner of your eyes you could see him tightly grasping the arms of the chair in an effort to keep from ripping straight through the silk bonds. You shivered, realizing the only thing keeping him from grabbing ahold of you and spearing you on his cock was sheer willpower.
You wasted no time, leaning forward to kiss him as you slowly sunk down onto his length. You both moaned at the feeling. Comte immediately attempted to thrust into you but was somewhat stopped by the golden silk around his ankles. He groaned, leaning his head forward onto your shoulder and mouthing at the soft skin of your neck. The points of his fangs dragged against the skin there as you bounced up and down on his lap.
Comte tensed, and the tips of his fangs dug into your neck slightly, very nearly puncturing the skin there. You thought he was going to bite you for a moment. Your mind was too hazy with arousal to care right now, wanting nothing more than to just chase your high. God, you loved the feeling of his cock, and the added exhilaration of the pressure from his fangs just enhanced the experience.
To your vague disappointment, Comte pulled his fangs from your neck with a groan, instead sucking harshly on the skin. You gasped, hips stuttering to a stop in his lap as you came with a strangled moan.
Comte, however, wasn’t done. What little remained of his willpower finally shattered and he shredded the golden silk binding his wrists to the chair, firmly grasping your hips and lifting you up and down on his cock. The movement surprised you and you wrapped your arms around his neck for support. A broken mixture of English and French spilled from his lips as Comte slid your body on his lap, chasing his own release. He pulled his mouth from your skin, instead crashing them onto yours as he slammed you down with a half-crazed grunt, coming in thick spurts inside of you.
Finally spent, he released his death grip on your hips, instead caressing the skin there as if in apology. You would probably have bruises there later, but you couldn’t really bring yourself to care. You both sat there for a moment to catch your breath.
“I’m sorry I ruined the silk ties I had bought for you,” he apologized with a self-deprecating chuckle.
“I can’t say I didn’t expect it when you suggested using them on you,” you replied, amused, leaning your forehead against his and rubbing your noses together.
“I’ll buy you another set tomorrow,” He promised, kissing your forehead.
You laughed lightly. “For me or for you?”
“I don’t see why it can’t be both,” Comte replied elusively.
You leaned away from his face and stared at him, studying his face. He met your eyes and raised an eyebrow. The staring match continued for a few seconds before you both broke out into laughter, the absurdity of the conversation amusing you both.
When your giggles had finally quieted down, Comte leaned in for another kiss. Unlike the last few heavy, harsh kisses, this one was so sweet and passionate it still took your breath away. “Je t’aime,” he murmured. “So much.”
“I love you too,” you breathed, giving him a smile.
He leaned in for another kiss, holding you to him. As he kissed you, you could feel his arousal throb inside of you again.
Something told you you’d be up late again tonight and Comte would tell Sebastian you were unwell and needed rest.
Comte picked you up and carried you over to his bed, still kissing you.
You realized you didn’t really mind the idea of ditching work anymore as you sank into bliss with your vampire partner.
Dividers by @/natimiles
Taglist: @natimiles @queengiuliettafirstlady @candiedcoffeedrops @goddesswitchmother @candied-boys
@fang-and-feather @villain-hotline
Let me know if you'd like to be added!
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp comte#ikemen vampire comte#ikevamp fanfic#ikemen vampire fanfic#mdni#kinktober 2024#ikemen series
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Sweet Home Indiana Part 8
I have finished the story (at long last! sheesh I can't believe how long this took me to get it done) and it has 10 chapters. And it has the happiest of endings. I couldn't stop smiling the whole time I was writing it.
Things appear hopeless, but Eddie and Chrissy start to find allies in their plight.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7
****
Eddie woke up the next morning to a pounding head, an aching heart and signed divorce papers.
Of the three things the divorce papers were the worst.
So he did the only thing he could do in that moment, call Chrissy.
“Eddie!” she greeted. “I kinda expected a call before today. You know, being your fianceé and all.”
“Shit, Chris!” he murmured. “Is there someone there?”
She hummed her response.
“It been so hectic around here,” Eddie admitted. “And there was the fact that Steve wouldn’t give me a divorce.”
She sighed and he suddenly realized who was with her. “Come out here, tell them that we decided to have the wedding out here in Hawkins because that’s where all my family is. See if you can’t get an extension to plan the wedding.”
“Hold on, cher,” she murmured and put her hand over the speaker. He could hear her clearly but anything he said would be muffled.
Eddie stared down at the papers in his hand with a shattered heart. He could grieve once Chrissy’s dragon was slain.
A minute or so later she came back on.
“Okay, they’ve given me to the end of the month,” she said with a sigh of relief. “Just say the word and I’ll be down there in a flash.”
Eddie waited another moment or two before he said, “Are you alone now?”
Chrissy muttered, “One moment.” He heard the ding of the elevator door open and the sounds of a busy reception hall, then the sounds of a busy street.
She called for a taxi and once the door was closed behind her, she said, “All right, babe, what’s the problem.”
He opened his mouth to tell her but he just broke down.
“I–I thought I was happy in Seattle, but I’ve never felt more alive since coming back here. Seeing old friends, cruising familiar streets. It feels like home. When I first left I didn’t think there was anything in that town that would make me happy.” He let out a shuddering breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “I–I knew that the kids would all leave and they have. But Wayne is still here. Steve and Robin, too. The town has gotten softer. Something I never thought possible. I saw three same sex couples just vibing.”
He choked back a sob. “I thought everything I ever wanted was in Seattle and this trip was just about closing the doors that I left hanging open. Bu–but, oh god!” He threw his head back and covered his eyes. His lips quivered as the pain in his heart spread out through his chest. “Steve is still the one. I know, I know. I talk a lot of shit about love and there not being one person out there who’s your soulmate. but God, Chrissy. He’s it. I felt more myself the last three days then have the last five years.”
He let out another choking sob. “I don’t know what to do. He is like that first ray of sunlight after weeks of storms.”
“Oh, Eddie...” she cried.
“He signed the papers,” Eddie murmured. “And now I wish he hadn’t. I want to just tear up the papers and set fire to them. But I can’t do that to you. I won’t.”
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Tell me what I can do and I’ll do it.”
He just sobbed and sobbed, forcing through the words that would tell her what he needed.
“Let me make a couple of phone calls, okay?” Chrissy said before hanging up.
Eddie murmured his thanks and then let her go. His brain went on autopilot and found himself on the pavement in front of the post office.
He stared at the mailbox in front of him in abject horror.
He had put the divorce papers in the mail and didn’t sign them himself.
****
Chrissy sighed. It was hard on Eddie she knew. He had spent the last decade running from himself and now he was face to face with the best parts of his past, not understanding why it felt so good.
She opened the file on Eddie’s divorce, the annulments had gone through just fine. It was just that one marriage.
She found what she was looking for and dialed the number.
“Sweetie’s Treats,” the female voice said in a faux cheerful customer service voice. “This is Robin what I can I get for you today?”
Chrissy took a deep breath and let out slow. “Hey, I’m Chrissy Cunningham, Eddie’s fianceé. I sorry, but I really need to talk to Steve.”
“Yeah...” Robin said. “No can do.”
Chrissy rubbed her her temple in frustration. “Eddie called me this morning in a hell of state and I just want to talk to Steve. It’s not anything bad, I guess I want to meet the person who has Eddie’s heart.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Robin said, “you can’t talk to him right now because he is working with the large stand mixer.”
Chrissy immediately pictured a KitchenAid mixer and huffed out her frustration. “Can’t he step away from it for a moment?”
“Sorry, no can do,” Robin said tersely. “He’s pouring in the sugar and has to put it in at specific intervals.”
Her temper was fraying with every passing moment with this woman. “Can I call his cellphone and you can hold it up to his ear?”
There was a bark of laughter. “That would also be a no. That thing has eaten three cellphones already and I’m not about to feed the beast another thanks.”
Chrissy blinked for a moment. “Just how big is this mixer anyway?”
This time the laughter was less bitter and more genuine.
“The size of a fifty gallon drum.”
“Oh!”
Robin cackled. “Yeah, when you have to make two hundred cookies, you aren’t going to be using a little electric hand mixer.”
“What kind of cookies?” she asked before she realized what was coming out of her mouth.
“Snickerdoodles,” she said, her grin evident even through the phone.
Chrissy shook her head. She was on a mission, damn it. She wouldn’t let let herself be distracted by baked goods!
“Okay,” she said, shoring herself up for a battle. “How about I talk to you and tell him what I said?”
“Sure,” Robin said. “I wouldn’t mind getting to know the girl who was the cause of Eddie’s bi awakening.”
Chrissy licked her lips slowly. “So about that...”
There was silence on the line long enough that she pulled the phone away to make sure the call was still connected.
“Are you his beard?” came the quiet reply. “Is this a lavender wedding?”
A little bell went off above Chrissy head. Oh. Maybe this wasn’t as hopeless as she thought.
“Yes,” she said, biting the bullet. “But not in the way you think.”
She could almost picture the head tilt of the bird on the other end of the line when Robin said, “Oh? Do tell.”
“Give me a second,” Chrissy said. “My taxi just pulled up to my apartment and I need to pay the driver.”
“Sure.”
Chrissy paid the man and hurried up to the stairs to her apartment, she fitted her keys into the lock and tossed her purse and keys on the table next to the door.
“So here’s the sitch,” she said flopping on her sofa with a heavy sigh.
****
Eddie opened the little door on the front with wide eyes. The door prevented people from sticking his hand in and grabbing it. He grabbed his hair.
“Fuck, fuck!” he cried. This day kept getting worse and worse. He opened the door again, hoping he could see a way to disable it.
He probably could, given the right tool. But as he was looking a little too closely another person walked by and eyed him suspiciously.
“Shit!” He looked down at himself and let loose a string of more colorful curse words.
Eddie looked like he was about to knock off the mailbox and make off with several felonies worth of someone else’s mail.
He was going to start crying again. He gripped his hair tightly as he paced back and forth.
He felt a hand on his elbow and he wasn’t be ashamed to say that the shriek that came out of him was the most emasculating sound in existence.
“Eddie,” Jonathan said. “Shit! I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Once Eddie had landed back on his feet like the scaredy-cat he was, he whirled around to see the oldest Byers boy looking at him with such concern.
“Hey, Johnny,” he breathed. “I’m sorry. God, today is the worst.”
Jonathan huffed a laugh. “You know, you are the only one I’ve ever met who doesn’t call me Jonathan.”
Eddie blushed. “I call everyone nicknames. I can stop if you want.”
Jonathan shook his head. “It was an observation, not a criticism.”
“Someone’s been hanging out with Nancy Wheeler a little too much,” Eddie huffed, already feeling better in the quiet presence of this man.
Jonathan threw his head back and laughed. “I hope so, we’re getting married next year.”
Eddie snapped his fingers. “That’s right. You did tell me that. Shit, man it feels like a life time ago.”
“You still love Steve, don’t you?” he said gently.
Eddie opened his mouth to deny it, but snapped it shut. He waved his hand at the mailbox. “It doesn’t matter. He signed the divorce papers, but my dumbass forgot to sign them too. So I need to get them back, but I don’t how.”
Jonathan smiled and then held up one finger. He went into the post office and five minutes later came out with his mom who carried the biggest key chain he’d ever seen.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Joyce greeted softly. “Let’s get this back for you.”
Eddie told her what it looked like and who it was addressed to.
After a little bit of searching, she turned around with the manilla envelope and handed it back to him.
“Next time,” she said with a smile. “Just come in and ask and we’ll be happy to grab it for you.”
Eddie nodded, clutching it to his chest and thanking her profusely. He took Jonathan out to lunch for the rescue.
They took it and sat on a park bench away from everyone else.
“Thanks for the gallant rescue, man,” Eddie said around his bite of his sandwich. “I was going to have a full blown breakdown right there on Hawkins Main and it wouldn’t have been pretty.”
“It’s no problem,” Jonathan said. “I’m glad it worked out.” He nodded to the papers on the table between them. “You going to sign them?”
Eddie let out a long sigh. “I have to.”
“You keep saying that,” he huffed. “But I don’t think you do. Shit, Eddie. I saw you and him at the carnival and it was like time travel. Like I was transported back a decade when you were both happy and free. He had his face buried in those stuff animals you’d won for him and you looked at him like he’d hung the moon.”
Eddie shook his head. “Look, you can’t tell anyone about this. It’s technically a crime. But it’s the only choice we have. Chrissy was here on a school visa from Barbados and she usually gets a work visa for the summer. Only there was a mix up and she didn’t get her work visa and her school visa is for while she’s at school. Which considering it was only for three months, I figured as long as she didn’t say anything to anyone, she could skate on through.”
“I’m guessing that’s not what happened?” Jonathan pressed. He took a bite of sandwich and nudged Eddie to eat.
Eddie took another bite, but really didn’t taste it. He choked it down around the bile in his throat. He shook his head.
“She works at a law firm,” he said mournfully. “Their HR department found out pretty much immediately. They, of course, alerted Immigration and was told to find another way to get a visa or be sent back to Barbados.”
“Hence getting the married?” Jonathan suggested.
He nodded. “We can’t let anyone know, because then we could get into trouble for fraud or whatever. I do love her, but not like that. Not like Steve.”
Jonathan huffed a laugh. He was silent for a moment and then shook his head sadly. “He went up to Seattle, you know.”
Eddie’s head snapped up. “What? When?”
“Right after you settled up there and started tattooing,” Jonathan said, scratching his chin thoughtfully. “He was there for a week. I think he went up there to ask you to come home. But when he found you, he also found a large city and a friendly LGBTQ community and he just couldn’t bare to ask you to return to homophobic Hawkins.”
Eddie’s lip quivered. He hadn’t known. His head spun as his world tilted off its axis.
“When he came back, he couldn’t really tell Robin the truth,” Jonathan continued. “That he couldn’t get up the courage to even see you closer than through the windows of the shop. So he told her he couldn’t find you and then vowed to make something of himself. Something you could be proud of.”
Tears slipped down Eddie’s cheeks and he pressed his hand to his mouth to keep the whimper that tried to escape between his teeth.
“The bakery...” he murmured.
Jonathan nodded. “Him and Robin starting working there together like they always do, to help save up for her to go to college.”
Eddie smiled, a weak, wet, little thing, but it was there. Steve and Robin, two peas in a pod. They always worked together since the summer after Steve graduated and Robin was about to start her senior year. They had worked at an ice cream parlor in the mall. When it burned down just a couple of months later due to shoddy workmanship, they had forged a friendship in literal fire.
“They weren’t intending to make it a permanent thing,” Jonathan continued, breaking into his thoughts. “But Steve’s good. He took a shop that only barely keeping itself in the black and made it into the thriving thing you see today.”
Eddie nodded. He was proud of Steve. And Robin. And all the things they managed to succeed in doing.
Jonathan hugged him tightly. “I won’t say to stay here with Steve and leave your financée to her fate, because that would be cruel and for all your faults, man, you aren’t cruel. And neither am I.”
Eddie let out a shuddering breath. And then another.
“You’ll do the right thing,” Jonathan said. “You might not figure it out right away, but somehow you always manage to get to the right thing in the end.”
Eddie finished his sandwich and thanked him for everything. Just being there when he needed someone.
And as he drove away from the park he felt lighter than he had in years.
****
I realize that that's probably not how visas work, but I'm just gonna hand wave that away for the drama.
Tag List: SIX SLOTS OPEN
Part 9 Part 10
1- @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @ravenfrog @zerokrox-blog
2- @gregre369 @a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @goodolefashionedloverboi
3- @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @mac-attack19
4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1
5- @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt
6- @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95
7- @blackpanzy @amazing-spiderkeys @oldpinghai @raisedbylibrarians @kultiras
8- @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steddie-as-they-go @captain--low @micheledawn1975 @thespaceantwhowrites
9- @blondie1006 @stripey82 @w1ll0wtr33 @mcenziehughes
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🍒 Cherry Chapstick 🍒
Alex x F!Reader
~ 18+ ~
Synopsis: Smut - Alex corners you and talks you into lending him a hand when he can’t get his fix from Haley. Part 1!
Warnings: dirty talk, minor degradation, grey-area cheating, dubcon, unprotected sex
A/n: I’ve thrown myself into Stardew Valley for the 50th time and consumed so much fanfiction that I figured I might as well write some.
—————————————————————————
The list of tasks on your plate on any given day never seems to be short of a mile long. It’d be hard for anyone to keep track of, but with a few months of it under your belt, you’ve grown more accustomed to the processes you need to go through to ensure nothing is missed. Early mornings turn into late nights, and any free time is spent planning your next moves. This brings you to the outskirts of Pelican Town past sunset, heading back from the forest where you’d had a fairly successful haul of foragables. From there, you’d need to decide what to sell and what you might need later on.
You’re so lost in this thought that when you collide with a sturdy figure, you do so with such force that your body bounces back, nearly hitting the cobblestone beneath your feet. Before you do, your arm is abruptly pulled and you regain your balance with the help of the person you just ran into.
Letting out a heavy breath, your eyes follow the strained hand on your wrist to the veiny forearm, bulging biceps, all the way to the green eyes of Alex. “Sorry,” you finally say. He lets his grip go, your skin showing a brief remnant of his touch before the blood flows back below the surface, now red from the hastiness of his attempt to save you from a bruised ass.
“Pay more attention next time. Not everyone has the reflexes to keep you from injuring yourself like that,” he snaps, crossing his arms as he looks at you.
As you gather yourself, you glance at your watch: 10 pm. “Hanging out at Haley’s so late?” you wonder aloud, quirking an eyebrow as you look between Alex and the blonde girl’s front door behind him, having only closed moments before you’d run into him.
“And what’s it to you?”
You shrug. “Makes sense, Emily works nights so you’ve got the house to yourself.”
Alex rolls his eyes, gazing off toward the river. “Yeah, you’d think it’d be of use.”
You can’t help your wandering eyes. Scanning down his body, you take in his arms exposed with his white tank top, but your eyes linger lower. He’s wearing his usual sweatpants, the athletic ones that hug him a bit closer than normal ones, and the bulge below his stomach is far more prominent than you’d ever noticed.
Alex registers your silence, finally looking back at you. Even though your eyes snap back to his almost instantly, he catches on. Either he had noticed your gaze or your look of guilt is clear, or both. He chuckles lowly, locking his fingers behind his head and stretching his arms out. “Farmer,” he tsks, enjoying the power you’ve given him by so outwardly examining his body. Even now, it’s difficult not to focus on his arms flexing, chest peeking out from the fabric of his shirt. Even his armpits, sporting dark brown hair in the divots, are drawing you in. He finally relaxes his body, arms dropping to his sides as he looks back at the front door of his girlfriend’s house. “I hear you’re good to talk to. How about you invite me over.”
This is clearly not a question, but even if it was, you’d likely do so. You take off up the stone street toward the dirt path leading to your farm, Alex easily matching stride next to you. No words are exchanged until you open the door to your house, lingering, giving Alex just enough space to enter and closing it behind him.
He examines the inside, the quaint kitchen and dining room, leaning back slightly to peek into your bedroom. “Decent place. It’s come a long way since you moved in.”
“Thanks…”
He rounds the corner of the couch, plopping down on it with his back resting against the armrest as he waits for you to join him. When you hesitate, he pats the other cushion on the couch expectantly. You cautiously join him, turning your head to look at him as you sit.
“I’m so tired of dating Haley,” he finally says. “I mean, I’m not, it’s fun, but she has these crazy mood swings and phases and I just can’t be bothered to keep up anymore. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve fucked her, but now she says she doesn’t want to do that anymore and she wants to be single.”
“So you’re not dating,” you say, as if asking for clarification.
“We’re not, but we are. She stills wants to hang out alone and go to dinner together and do the same shit we did when we were dating, except I don’t get a blowjob at the end of the night. She wants to do whatever she wants to do, and the only thing that changes is the benefit that I get out of it.” Alex groans, using his hand to adjust himself as he shifts in his seat. “She can make out with me for half an hour after I buy her dinner and dessert, but I’m the bad guy for unhooking her bra or touching my dick.”
You clear your throat. “That sucks,” you finally settle on responding, blindsided from the way this conversation has gone and still unsettled at the fact that Alex is sitting in your living room at almost 11 at night.
He flashes a grin at you. “It does suck, thank you. How does she expect me to be the perfect boyfriend if my balls are blue every day?”
“You could jerk off, I guess.”
Alex squints, gesturing broadly to himself. “Me? Jerk off? I’m not a fifteen year old boy, and I’m hot. Why would I do that?”
You lean back, starting to mirror him more as you pivot to face him. “To avoid this. Have you always had Haley at your beck and call?”
He shrugs. “Pretty much, yeah. The real issue though is that there’s such a clear solution, but I haven’t tried it out yet.”
“I feel like I just offered you a pretty clear solution,” you retort.
“Clearer,” he insists. “When this stuff with Haley happened before, she was the only hot girl in the valley. It was easier to just bite the bullet and nut in a sock or whatever. Now there are two hot girls here.” You eye him as he stares at you. “So why not just fuck the other hot girl when Haley stops giving it up?”
“That would require you to be appealing to both of them.”
“I think I have that covered,” he replies, stretching his arms over his head and using the armrest to lean back, tank top lifting past his belly button and giving you a brief glimpse at shape of his abs pressing tightly on his tanned skin.
Alex then reaches over, his hand on your knee as he lowers his head, looking into your eyes intently. “What do you think, Farmer?”
You lean forward, matching his intensity. “What’s my name, Alex?”
He smirks. “It doesn’t matter what your name is, baby. You want to fuck me whether I know who you are or not.” His hand moves to the side of your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb, brushing a piece of hair back at the same time and giving it the gentlest of tugs as he does so. “You’ve been eye-fucking me this whole time and you know it. I know it. Stop trying to hide it.”
“I’m not going to help you cheat on Haley.”
“‘T’s not cheating,” he practically slurs. “We’re not exclusive anymore.” You feel yourself breaking down, leaning against his large palm as he strokes your cheek. “Come here, Y/n.”
Your name slipping from between his lips is your final straw as you close the decreasing gap between the two of you, pressing your lips to his lightly. He allows you only a moment to take in the feeling of his plush, warm mouth against yours before pulling himself to his knees and wrapping his fingers in your hair, keeping you tight to him. His teeth gnaw at your bottom lip, sucking harshly for a moment before his tongue seeks entrance. You allow it, tasting the remnants of his spearmint gum and cherry chapstick, your mind wandering to the fact that he had been in this position with Haley only an hour ago.
Alex groans against your mouth, pushing you to lay on the couch as he props himself above you, bodies flush. The bulge in his sweatpants feels bigger against your stomach than it had looked before, and your insides twist in excitement as you allow his tongue to explore your mouth. His lips wander to your jaw and down your neck, nipping but never lingering long enough to leave physical evidence of the event.
Slipping down to the neckline of your shirt, he tugs at the hem and sneaks his fingers past it, snaking up your back to undo your bra. You’re impressed by his quickness helping you tug the straps through your sleeves before ridding of it altogether as he pulls it down your stomach and throws it over the back of the couch. He replaces the fabric with his hands, kneading your skin and pinching at your nipples as you watch his motions from over your thin t-shirt.
“Your lips look so cute when they’re swollen,” Alex groans, leaning down to nip at your bottom lip once more. “Need to see ‘em around my cock, babe.”
He pulls you by your hands, tugging your shirt over your head as you sit up. He grabs at your right hand once more, turning it over to examine your wrist which now sports a light purple bruise from the force with which he’d tugged you to keep you from falling earlier. His eyes grow the slightest bit darker as he smirks. “Sensitive? I guess you bruise easy.”
Alex stands before you as you sit on the couch with your legs folded below you, heels touching the skin of your ass peeking from your jean shorts. Your top is bare now, tits exposed to him as he looks down at you admiringly. His fingers prop your chin to look up at him and he smiles a sickeningly sweet smile as he uses his other hand to pull down his sweatpants, kicking them to the side.
He remains in his tight boxers before you, bulge only a few inches from your face as your eyes flicker down to view it as best you can. “You want it, hm?” he asks.
When you don’t respond, he squeezes your chin tighter. “Yeah,” you breathe out. He gives you one last rough grab before pulling his hand away completely, pushing your face down as he does so. Alex rubs his length through the thin stretchy fabric, letting out a soft groan as he watches you bite your lip, eyes trained ahead of you.
He slowly pulls down the front of his boxers, revealing his length one bit at a time until the tip is freed, allowing it to spring out and nearly hit you in the face. He runs his hand over it a couple times, getting the blood to pump through it as he positions the tip near your lips. “Open,” he demands, and you do as instructed. He slides the head in slowly, rubbing it up and down your tongue and watching intently. Once he’s satisfied, he releases himself. “Go ahead, baby.”
You grip his base in your right hand, taking his head in your mouth and closing your lips tightly around the ridge, sucking and swirling your tongue around the sensitive pink skin. Alex lets out a moan, hands running through your hair, but he lets you take it at your pace for now. Finally, you relax your jaw and begin to pump your head up and down on his cock, lips brushing against the trimmed stubble at his base. He can’t help but meet your tempo with his thrusting hips, pushing his head down your throat just enough to need to fight the urge to gag each time. Once you grow comfortable with taking his full length in your mouth, he grips your hair close to the scalp and begins to pull you into him faster, his hips speeding up to keep pace. You let out quiet gags at the force of his tip bullying its way to the back of your throat, allowing him to have his way as drool leaks past your lips with each thrust and coats his cock, dripping with the mix of spit and precum.
Holding your head to his base for a few seconds, he finally releases you and pushes you back against the couch. Alex is breathing heavy, but so are you as you catch your breath from his final thrust. “Yoba,” he moans, “You’re going to make me cum before I get to feel that tight pussy.”
Alex kneels down, gripping your thighs and pulling them so your ass is on the edge of the cushion, slouched against the couch to give you a good view. He tugs off your shorts, leaving you in plain, grey cotton panties. “So practical, babe. Next time, I want some lace and frills, mmkay?” he requests. His index finger traces from your pussy to your clit. “I like seeing this wet spot though. How long has this been here?”
You moan, squirming to communicate that you need more friction between your legs. Alex slaps your inner thigh. “How long, babe?”
“I don’t know,” you cry. “Since we kissed?”
“That’s it?” he hums, hooking the fabric with his finger and pulling it to the side. “You didn’t get wet when you were checking me out in town, staring at my hard cock through my pants? Right outside my ex-girlfriend’s house?” Alex firmly presses his finger against your hole, dragging wetness up to your clit. “You didn’t get wet when I told you to invite me over when I caught you looking?” His thumb begins to rub circles over your clit, harsh but exactly what you need with how horny you are now. “Not when I said that I should just fuck the hot new farmer instead of wasting my time jerking my cock by myself?” Alex dips his fingers into your pussy, curling upward and making you moan loudly, bucking your hips as he plays with the textured skin of your g-spot. He pulls out and holds his finger to your mouth, glistening with your wetness. “Taste this and tell me if it’s worth trying for myself.”
You open your mouth and he wastes no time shoving his fingers in, pressing them to your tongue as you suck. Pulling out, he resumes his work on your clit and stares up at you. “Y-yeah, I think so,” you breathe.
He nods, lowering his mouth to latch onto your clit, replacing his thumb. You grind your hips against Alex’s face while he grips your thighs tightly. “Good call, baby. Your cunt tastes so sweet.” He hums against your clit and prods at your pussy with his fingers, entering two once again and pumping in rhythm with his swirling tongue.
You begin to near orgasm, Alex providing relief you’d been dying for and allowing you to hump his face and fingers as he works. “Alex,” you whimper.
“Mmm, babe?” he responds, not taking his lips away from your core.
“Gonna cum,” you squeak out. His licks turn to harsh sucks, his fingers no longer pumping as he presses on your g-spot, rubbing it expertly. His other hand goes to your lower stomach, just above his head, pressing down as he coaxes your orgasm out. You cry out his name strung together with curses, gripping his hair and the couch cushions for dear life as you sink into him, coating his chin in wetness.
Alex helps you ride it out, pulling away as you quiet down. He pulls off his tank top, wiping his face before tossing it away. He rids himself of his boxers completely, bearing himself to you as he stands. “Can you stand?”
You nod, slowly climbing to your feet. You’re shaky and nearly stumble, Alex having to catch you once again, earning a low laugh from him. “So clumsy, it’s a wonder you’re not covered in bruises.”
He guides you to the side of the couch, your back to his chest, before pushing you down over the armrest. Your face is pressed only inches from the wet spot your orgasm left on your couch, eyeing it as Alex’s cock runs along your cunt, collecting the wet it has to offer. With only a moment to prepare as his head lands at your entrance, he pushes inside and gives you no opportunity to adjust to the size of his cock.
He thrusts harshly, the sound of his hips hitting your ass echoing around your farmhouse, accompanied with moans from the both of you. Alex grips your hips tightly, but quickly moves on to squeeze your ass and give it light slaps as he fucks you. “This is exactly what I’ve been missing, babe. Yoba, it’s even better than I imagined. Cunt so fuckin’ tight.”
You moan out Alex’s name, reaching back to run your hand along his tight six pack as he fucks you. He gives you a quick feel before pinning your wrist behind your back, your face pressed tightly against the cushion as he pushes you into it with each thrust.
“Greedy,” he mumbles. “I know you like these muscles, but how am I supposed to make sure you keep letting me use you if I let you touch them right away?”
“Fucking me so good,” you cry into the couch.
“Yeah babe? Gonna let me in every time I get blue balled by Haley? Gonna be a good girl from now on?” Alex asks. His pace slows but he takes the time to push into you deeper, rolling his hips on your ass.
“Yes!”
“Give me your other arm,” he says. You remove it from the couch, reaching back. He presses your wrists together, keeping them pinned behind you with one hand as the other snakes around to rub harsh circles at your throbbing clit.
The transfer of full control to Alex and his calculated movements with your body have you nearing your second orgasm. Before you can say anything, he tells you, “Cum on my cock, babe. I want to know what you feel like when I’m making you cum.”
You let yourself unravel, cunt squeezing around his thick length as he shortens his thrusts, keeping most of his cock inside you but moving just enough to hit that perfect spot while he attacks your clit. “Fuck, Y/n, cunt feels s’fucking good right now.”
Alex fucks you through your orgasm before pulling out. “Lettin’ you choose tonight, where d’you want me to cum?”
You push yourself up as he releases you, turning to face him and kneeling down in front of him as you point to your chest. He hums, stroking himself fast as he aims his tip to your breasts. You place your hands on Alex’s thighs, gripping them for added balance as you look into his eyes. As he makes contact, his cock immediately begins to spurt out thick white ropes of cum, the warm liquid landing on your chest. As some of it hits your hardened nipples, you squirm at the feel of the hot cum in contrast to the cool air in the farmhouse.
Squeezing out the last drops, he lets go of his cock and places a lazy hand on your head, rubbing your scalp as he comes down from his high. You take his moment of weakness as opportunity to lick the last bit of cum from his tip, and his fingers pull at your hair. “Yoba, babe, can’t do that to me,” he breathes, trying to hide a smirk.
“Sorry,” you reply, not bothering to hide a grin as you rise to your feet. He puts a hand on your waist to steady you as you rise.
“Thanks for your help tonight.” He scans your body. “You look even better with my cum on you, so you might want to keep doing that.”
You roll your eyes. “I’ll keep it in mind.”
“Sure,” he winks. As he pulls on his clothes, he says, “I’ll let you get cleaned up. Don’t mention this to Haley or anyone, obviously. Just a little secret for us.” You nod as he pulls on his tank top. “I’ll see you soon, babe.” He gives you a quick kiss and heads toward the front door.
“Alex,” you call out suddenly. He stops, looking over his shoulder. “Do you use cherry chapstick?”
“No, but Haley does.” Alex grins. “Goodnight, Farmer.”
#stardew valley#stardew valley smut#sdv alex#stardew alex#sdv alex smut#stardew alex smut#stardew farmer#sdv alex x farmer
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I am about to get a lil sappy here, but…I remember when I was in middle school, I was in private Catholic schooling, and I was dealing with the fact that I knew I was gay. I knew this was “wrong” because that’s what I was taught, so I suppressed it and tried so hard not to be. I told myself I’d do what my uncle did, which was push it down, marry a woman, and have kids like I was “supposed” to.
I remember specifically one day, I was home alone, and I knew I couldn’t keep it in for much longer. Jurassic Park was on my TV (weird detail to remember but I do) and I was sobbing on the couch pleading to God to just make it go away, and to make me straight. I didn’t even care if it made me an asshole and changed my personality I just wanted to be straight. I remember thinking it’d be easier to straight up just die than to live the rest of my life this way. Keep in mind this was around 2007-2008, gay marriage wasn’t even close to a reality, I had no positive gay rep that I knew of on TV or in movies, and again, private Catholic school so I was surrounded by homophobia. I didn’t come out for about 3 more years from this point.
I give this depressing backstory so that I can say-
I just woke up next to my husband, he is in the kitchen making us coffee, we have been together for 10 years, happily married for 1.5, and our only plans today are to play video games and then go do a performance of SCREAM’D together. I truly don’t think I’ve ever felt more fulfilled in who I am or what I’m doing in life. I have a great group of friends around me, I feel love & support from people from all across the world. I have truly made a genuine effort to create and portray queer characters almost exclusively and hopefully in doing so given people some representation that maybe they’re searching for. I’m 29 now, and if I could go back and tell 15 year old Ray that everything was gonna work out in its own way and in its own time, I would.
I know it’s cliche, but it does get better. It just takes time. And sometimes, you’ve got to make it better yourself. If you’re struggling, if you’re in a religious school, if you’re in a conservative area, I just want you to know that I know it’s tough rn to keep the faith; but it’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. It might just take a little bit of time. Find likeminded people, whether it’s irl or on the internet, there’s a community of people for everyone. There is a world of love & acceptance out there for you, you’ll find it 💙
#oh also my Uncle came out and has a man now and they’re very happy#he actually officiated my wedding#text#just wanted to say this#lgbt#gay#poly#suicide TW#religious trauma tw
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*spoilers* Astarion’s story - analysis and thoughts
I’ve been thinking quite a lot on Astarion the last couple of weeks, and the journey I’ve been on with him. I’ve seen a lot of content about him.
I’ll start by saying this - I didn’t ascend him. I couldn’t. I did, however, watch the ascension on YouTube but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And I’m going to explain why.
Here’s the TL:DR version, with my deeper dive below.
As Astarion gets his revenge in Cazador, his flurry of knives felt oddly satisfying to me. It was a release as grim and cathartic. That cry of pain and ending felt necessary for him. I came out of that palace knowing that it was ok and he’d be ok.
The ascension felt gratuitous. Watching him carve exactly what Cazador put him through should have been cathartic too, but it wasn’t. I just felt a shiver of cold. And that was the moment I knew it was the ‘bad’ ending.
Experiencing Astarion’s Journey - delving deeper
I don’t think I’ve ever quite experienced a character story like his before. Here’s someone who is quite clearly designed to draw you in via the usual routes. He’s attractive, he’s got the funny lines. He’s the rogue - a lot of D&D players’ favourite class. He quickly becomes indispensable.
At the start, his flirting was fun. Act 1 I think is supposed to be a light hearted toe in the water, so to speak. Right up until your first major choice with the goblin vs tiefling conflict. Then it becomes real. But until then you can spend copious amounts of time wandering and chatting to your new friends in camp while some of them (namely Lae’zel, Gale, Karlach and Astarion) go straight to ‘i want you’ territory. And you’ll gravitate to those that are ready to get hot and heavy because…video game sex.
There was such a focus on romancing your camp and you lean into that so heavily in act 1. Approval is all-important. And his approval is harder to get, so you try harder with your choices. You want this guy. Like really want him. He’s like ambrosia. And, if you’re not one of the 100k rejections toted in Larion’s infographic, you get him.
As a recovering people pleaser, I’m not going to lie, that was a hard concept to grasp. To make your choices based on who you were trying to impress is exactly the kind of behaviour I’ve been trying to step away from in real life. But hey, this is a game so I’ll be ok.
And then it starts…
Looking back, there’s this line that stood out ‘it felt like you weren’t all there’. Despite his insistence later, Astarion was very likely going to that place of dissociation that he talks about later on. And that’s sad, because as Tav you want this milestone to be special. You want them to fall in love with you. The reward for all your hard-earned approval hiking.
But Astarion masks. He masks well, but you can tell on Insight that it’s all an act. Even when you look closely, the ham fisted complements he throws at you reflects the 10 charisma he’s carrying around. He works as a lothario not because he’s an adept silver-tongued Casanova. It’s because he’s simply beautiful. People see him and want him. His looks mask what’s going on underneath. But then you look into his eyes and it’s right there, plain as day.
There’s so much more underneath. I have watched the scene over and over with the hammy chat up lines as he’s trying to convince you to sleep with him again (I got propositioned first before the tiefling party) and the more I watch, the more I believe that ‘I love you’ wasn’t an act. They wouldn’t have given you three brush off comment choices if it was. He meant that, and I don’t think he even realised he meant it until he found the words coming out of his mouth - as though he was daring himself to say it.
With Astarion, it’s all in the eyes.
And, as someone who has seen those eyes in the mirror on a pretty regular basis, I knew there and then until he started revealing his backstory - the scars, the master and all the rest, I knew this was going to hit very hard and this man was a deep well. He was so lost that he barely had any idea of who he was any more.
By the time you’re well into Act 2, you’re starting to get the gist of him. You learn about his sadness and sense of loss around his identity before he was turned. You learn about the scars. And you learn about Cazador. I got the sense that all of this exposition was almost like a therapy dump from him. Thoughts and feelings he’s wanted to express for decades but hasn’t had a soul to tell - or he’s been compelled not to by his master. Now he can get them out. He can voice how unfair and unjust it feels. The sarcasm, the cynicism, all a way of expressing how much pain he is in. But one thing he’s never lost is the knowledge that he doesn’t deserve this. He hasn’t been beaten down so much to believe that he is unworthy of better treatment. And that sense of self is what I believe has kept him going all this time. He knows it wasn’t his fault. He knows Cazador was a cruel, sadistic monster.
And I hugged him. Of course I hugged him. I defended his autonomy from the moonrise drow and I hugged him after. At this point I’d fallen as hard for him as he had for me. I cared for him. I couldn’t make any of those obviously awful choices with him. When the details of the ritual came up I felt a knot in my stomach. And sure enough every time we talked after that point he talked about taking that power and I thought ‘this will be rough’.
It reminded me of a lot of really bad experiences I’d had in the past. Boyfriends and friends who were clearly bad for me and I was bad for them. And yet, I needed to help this guy. This person who had nobody for so long. Who didn’t know what it felt like to have someone actually care about him.
I looked this as someone who has experienced trauma in their life. How would I feel. How have I felt? To be scared of so many things. To wonder why on earth would I do something nice for someone else when I’ve sat in alleys, starving and in pain while people just walk on by. No gods to answer my pleas for help. I’d be cynical and disapproving too. I’d have a warped sense of humour. I’d want to never feel that again. Of course he saw the one thing that could protect him and feel compelled to grasp it with both hands.
Astarion has conjured up feelings in me I thought were long gone.
Astarion’s finale
The images I’ve included in this post have been doing the rounds on tumblr and this hits so hard it hurts. Astarion’s journey ends in such as way that it’s meant to be hard.
If you’re a gamer that commodifies your characters as a series of stats or objectifies them based on their design, then ascend him. It doesn’t matter to you. And I’ve seen plenty of people on message boards and Facebook saying exactly that - “but he gets these powers and is so badass”. They’ve never seen past the facade. He was a jerk at the start of the game, a creepy flirt and a vampire ready to be staked. And that was it.
Every excessive power in this game has a major consequence that you have to live with. This choice I think is one of the biggest before the climax of the game.
The ascension pretty much erases him. It takes who he was and the healing that he’s done and throws it away, as if it never really mattered.
And to him he’s worth exactly what he thought he was to begin with. His self-worth is warped into superiority and his hunger and fear replaced with a hunger for power and dominance. He’s not free in this form. He just becomes a new kind of imprisoned. He’s placed in stasis forevermore. And this won’t last forever because as absolute power corrupts absolutely, it also falls. Just like Ozymandius, he’ll rise and collapse under his own grandiose. And he’ll take you with him if you let him.
That steamy scene before he turns you is basically exactly what the Larion writer is saying - you’ve not empathised or grown here. Have your sex scene and then enjoy your eternal enslavement with New Cazador. It’s a bad ending for you and Astarion. You get to be exactly what he was, no matter what pretty words he tried to convince you with - he’s still that 10 charisma trying to convince himself as much as you. He’s Act 1 Astarion with some nifty new powers. He will control you like a doll and yours will be the same half life his was. He’ll start with promises of being his right hand, but somewhere down the line you’ll do or say something and he’ll do to you what was done to him. It’s the ultimate narcissistic relationship.
If Astarion walks away, he’s him. Truly him. With purpose and a new path to walk. You can build a new life together with nothing holding you back. The trauma behind him, he can now walk a path of healing for himself and learn who he is. It makes me feel hopeful and joyful that he gets a second chance.
And that’s where I’m at. My ideal ending is for them both to go off together searching for a cure for his vampirism. Whether it’s possible, who knows - on writing this I’m still to finish my first run of the game. But at least there’s that glimmer of hope in that ending.
I think Astarion is beautiful. There’s a reason half the internet is madly in love with him right now. But if you let yourself, he becomes more than a nice body and a pretty face. His complexity opens up like a puzzle box and you feel the satisfaction of a truly beautiful arc come to its climax. He’s a beautifully written and crafted character and I’m so glad to have experienced his story.
I could say so much more…but it’s long enough as it is. Thanks for reading x
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