#i’ve done this a few times but it’s always because the read more function is broken at the time of posting

[meshkol]

you can tell ironstrange fic writers on tumblr nowadays are, like, 19 and under. not because their fics are bad or anything but because they don’t understand posting etiquette + don’t put their shit under a Read More.

by the norns, save me from the constant walls of fics, kids. it makes me unwilling to read them out of spite.

[fxckn-sxck-fr]

lowk FUCKED up, butttttttttttttt would any of the comic book yanderes lobotomize their darling? we always talkin about willingness and shit saur... ya know!! just a lil off the top if ykwim

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐂 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐄𝐒…

!!! GN reader, take a wild guess (lobotomies), neurological terms used, basic delusional behaviors, unethical uses of superpowers, unethical practices in general, mentions of brain dead/vegetative/mentally handicapped reader, Hal’s part briefly describes actual lobotomy procedures, Joker jumpscare in Harvey’s, gaslighting, a small history lesson here and there, themes of forced drug abuse, Tim Drake being a good candidate for the Saw franchise.

GRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHGHHHRRR. Anon, come over here so I can give you a lil forehead smooch. I’ve always wanted to write a yan lobotomy blurb, but… I didn’t really know what direction I wanted to go. Or who to write about. The idea is was legit, “hee hee, wouldn’t it be silly if there was a yandere lobotomy fic” and that’s about it. So I guess this is my chance to get some feelings out about that, yay!!

A few of these are a bit longer than usual cuz this type of shit is my jam. I also didn’t know if you wanted me to rank them on least to most likely, so shoot me a follow up ask if that’s what you wanted. Mwah!!

Bruce Wayne: Definitely not off the table. I’m willing to bet Thomas Wayne had at least one book on lobotomies; just an antique hardback that makes for an interesting read. I can see young Bruce sitting on his father’s lap in the study, tiny hands tracing over the book’s old diagrams as Thomas lovingly describes all of the morbid things they’d do to people (you know, classic father/son bonding activities). Who knew it would actually come in handy one day? Moral repercussions be damned, my man can pull off a sick lobotomy. There are of course factors he has no control over — such as your own brain plasticity and cognitive function — but that’s not exactly his fault, now is it? What your brain decides to do post-lobotomy has nothing to do with him (jokes aside, he’d be devastated if you were totally fucked up afterwards… though he’d easily adapt).

Bucky Barnes: I think he’s had enough mind-meddling of his own to give this a hard pass. It doesn’t matter how bad you are; he’s not doing anything to your brain. You’ll learn to behave on your own accord. And thank god, cuz bro would NOT make a good brain surgeon. He’d brick you so fast. Also, fun fact, the Soviets were actually the first to ban lobotomies (if memory serves correct; Google is backing me up, so… do with that what you will). I don’t know if this carries over to the KGB and their little secret evil organization side shenanigans, but yeah. Let it be known that the chances of lobotomized Bucky went down by… like… 3%.

Clark Kent: At first, I was about to say no, but then I remembered the Justice Lords from the JL cartoon, and… you know what? Maybe. It would be a very low chance, but if it’s gotten to the point where you’re a danger to yourself, Clark would have no other choice. What else can he do? Your safety always comes first and foremost. While the two dots singed into your forehead would raise a few brows, it’s not like he lets you out much anyway. He’d spend a long time trying to cope with the guilt. He did this to save you… he just had to save you from yourself. At least his heat vision is precise enough that he wouldn’t fuck it up. Now all that’s left to do is hope that you turn out okay. He’ll consider it a job well done if you can at least still smile at him.

Dick Grayson: He really isn’t that much different from Bruce, is he? Yeah, he’d do it. Maybe with a few more reservations, but he’d still do it. I think it’s in your best interest if you don’t let him spiral this far, because he’s not against the idea of you being in a completely vegetative state. Yeah, it would suck that you aren’t as active of a participant as he’d want you to be, but having complete control over your care is good enough for him. He’ll easily let his own delusions fill that void. Honestly, a part of him might even hope you turn out with a mental capacity of a toddler. It’s the best of both worlds; while you can still respond to your environment, you also rely heavily on his care. Perfectly pliable in his hands… a dream come true! Yay!

Hal Jordan: Nah. He’s good. Last he checked, he’s not the most qualified person in the world to quite literally poke around in someone’s brain. Hell, even the thought of it makes him sick. No drilling holes into skulls, no skewering needles through eye sockets, no thanks! He’ll leave that up to the people who can stomach the grosser shit. Now, is the thought of a quick operation that theoretically fixes your bratty behavior tempting? Sure. But Hal’s not an idiot; he knows the risks, and those risks just don’t seem worth it. There’s a reason lobotomies are unethical nowadays. Unless the topic comes up in some sort of show or movie, the thought wouldn’t even cross his mind.

Harvey Dent: Neither Harvey nor Two Face are all that keen on the idea. They might’ve done some fucked up shit to you (definitely Two Face more than Harvey), but a lobotomy? That’s just a new level of fucked up. A Joker level of fucked up, even (and the thought of being compared to that piece of shit makes both sides of Dent want to light up an entire room). Besides, there’s no one on the entire planet he’d trust to pull off a procedure like that on you. While he might know a guy or two who would totally do it in this day and age, he’d sooner put a bullet in their brain than let them fuck around with yours. That being said, don’t think you’re totally out of the woods. At the end of the day, it’s all up to the coin, remember?

Jaime Reyes: Would Jaime? No. Absolutely not. It’s unethical, it’s fucked, and it’s also just gross. Anything to do with surgery makes him feel extremely squeamish, and he might actually pass out if he thinks about it too hard. But would Khaji Da? Yeah. Probably. Though it would have to be an extreme scenario, where you’re just completely beyond controlling. Khaji Da knows the risks, and while he’ll execute the technical aspects flawlessly, the results are naturally unpredictable. It would be unfortunate if the scarab lost its host’s mate. Your poor little noggin is at the mercy of Jaime’s resolve. Is he in full control? Then don’t worry, his incoherent mutterings about severing connections in your prefrontal cortex are nothing but his weird intrusive thoughts. But… if he isn’t… uh-oh.

Peter Parker: Nope. No lobotomies here. He’s quite aware of the repercussions, both morally and practically. Honestly, he doesn’t even see most of your behaviors as something in need of correcting in the first place. Maybe if you were causing yourself any sort of harm, but other than that, he can put up with a lot of your bullshit. Talking back? Name calling? Hitting and kicking? Straight-up just being abusive? As long as you don’t leave him, he’ll work with it! Peter is the exact definition of a pushover yandere. You can get away with a lot, and that includes not getting lobotomy!

Reed Richards: I can see him pulling one off. Is it the most desirable outcome? Definitely not. But there’s only so much he can put up with before he finally puts his foot down. If you’re the insubordinate type, you’ve probably given him at least 17 heart attacks by now, and it’s only natural he’d come up with a way to curb those behaviors. See, me personally, if I were to get a lobotomy from any of these men, I’m calling up Reed. He’s no neurologist, but I’m sure he can whip up something to study your brain waves and accurately predict the outcome of a lobotomy. Plus, he’d probably have the safest environment and instruments for the operation. You won’t feel a thing, trust. Now let’s hope months of collecting data and trial runs on some less-than-willing test subjects pay off!

Remy LeBeau: Yeah, no… probably not. Thanks to Sinister, he knows first hand how invasive a lobotomy is. You’d have to be really unstable for him to even consider that idea. He definitely has the means to do it — all he has to do is put a finger up to your forehead and burn through your frontal lobe — but having the resolve to do it is a different story. While he might’ve turned out semi-okay post-lobotomy, there’s no telling what would happen after yours. Way too risky. Only something to consider as a totally nuclear option. So don’t make him do something he’d rather not, okay? It’d be better for you, better for him, better for everyone.

Scott Summers: Like Gambit, he’s a victim of Sinister’s fuckery but 10 times worse. I don’t think he’d be able to stomach the thought of doing anything surgical to you no matter how disobedient you are. But… maybe we can make this a little interesting. Scott’s attracted some hella weird attention over the years�� who’s to say someone like Sinister wouldn’t get his hands on you and do a little fucking around? Maybe Goblin Queen? A particularly pissed off Phoenix? While Scott himself wouldn’t dare lobotomize you, I think there’s some people out there who would. Or, hear me out: mind controlled Cyclops almost crushing your skull with an optic blast. It would be more blunt force than an actual lobotomy, but I’m willing to bet it would fuck up your cognitive function all the same. Despite the immense horror and guilt he’d feel afterwards, a small part of him can see it as a blessing in disguise (depending on how you turn out, that is).

Steve Rogers: Honestly, Cap was frozen at the funniest point in history ever. The amount of lobotomies increased exponentially from the 40s to 50s (mind you, WWII ended in 1945), and then antipsychotics were introduced as a more ethical way to treat mental illness, which Steve wouldn’t know shit about. Unfortunately for all of my fellow sickos out there, lobotomies were probably never a thing Steve liked about the 40s, but allow me to offer an alternative. Steve thinks there’s clearly something wrong with your mental health; why else would you act like you hate him? Luckily for him, this is the 21st century, where people know much more about mental illnesses and disorders. He could easily pull some strings as Captain America and get you the help you so obviously need. So, I guess the question is, how many different prescriptions of antipsychotics can one take at once? Guess you’ll find out!

Tim Drake: So… uh… y’all better pray that he doesn’t get any intrusive thoughts about this shit. And if he does, PRAY that he snaps out of his weird fit before it’s too late. DO NOT LET BRO COOK. I don’t think he’d totally fuck it up or anything, but the chances of him spiraling and performing more than one are dangerously high. You might find the out hard way just how much poking and prodding a brain can take before it shuts down. Depending on how manic he is, he might actually lobotomize you while you’re conscious. No anesthesia, no painkillers, just him pouncing on you with a hammer and pick. You will be rawdogging this lobotomy like god intended. That’s when he’d fuck your shit up. Unless you want him to brick your brain, you better fight him off and wrestle those tools out of his hands. The post-manic episode clarity would be insane. “Uh… sorry I tried to give you a lobotomy.” Cool, man. Okay.

Wally West: Wally “if you need to give someone a lobotomy, that’s honestly a skill issue” West. Who needs that shit when you’re THE master manipulator? It would take some god-tier perception (or paranoia) to see through a fraction of his act, and even so, what good will any of that do when he’s got everyone else wrapped around his finger? Fighting against him is a dangerous game. If need be, he’ll play the loving caretaker while you’re the loony one. Poor Wally��� he’s trying to help you through your issues, and this is the thanks he gets? Wow. Now, for the sake of a little exploration, I think it’s important to note that Wally could theoretically go through with it (by phasing his hand through your skull and solidifying at the right angle), but that sounds way too unstable to pull off. It would probably run the risk of turning your brain into a soup, and I’m pretty sure that kills people.

[mystsee]

DRIFTED ✦ SIMON GHOST RILEY

PREV ✦ PART 3 ✦ NEXT

✦ about: being around simon again felt surreal, but duty calls = past memories flood back ;(

✦ content: afab reader, fluff, breakup mentions, no mask, no mentions of y/n.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

opening your eyes, a strong smell of pancakes hit you, making your stomach rumble. sleeping more than 15 hours was making you feel like you had an empty hole in your stomach. at first, you thought lily was cooking for you, it was very usual that lily stayed over in your flat. but this sight you were not expecting it at all!

as you stood up, you forgot about your leg, you felt the pain creep up, but you made it wincing up to the door, feeling pain on your hip now, but hunger was making you desperate!

when you opened the door, you froze. you saw simon, with no shirt on, his back to you, cooking pancakes, for you? you had no idea he stayed over, in fact, you don’t remember very good what happened yesterday, this was quite the surprise.

you stood there for god knows how long, thinking you were being discrete, but you must’ve known by now simon has a 6th sense “see anything you like” his deep voice alone made you squirm on your spot. when did he saw you?

but you woke up confident today, not even thinking the slightest before you talked “what can i say? i’ve always loved your back” simon was taken a back for a second, maybe the meds were still on you.

“why are you even up? you shouldn’t walk by yourself” simon knew you wouldn’t do what the doctor told you and stand up by yourself hence why he was shirtless.

“i can! look, just give me a minute” simon turned and saw you taking one step at a time, not wanting to show your limping, and just laughed to himself, if there was one thing you would never ask for, is for help.

simon turned off the stove and walked over to you “will you ever ask for help?” just when simon was in front of you, your leg decided to stop functioning for a second, making you almost fall over, but once again, simon put his hands around your back, making stand up in front of his chest.

you got distracted for a second, just admiring his chest from here, you could sleep in there for ever! you felt simon nudge you by poking you on your left side of your waist, he knew you were way too ticklish, so you made a very embarrassing shriek “simon!” you said trying to move away from him, but he had very strong arms which you loved “don’t do that” you said pouting.

“then stop trying to hurt yourself love” there was that nickname again, and the blush coming up your neck. even more when suddenly simon put his arms around your thighs and picked you up. “wha-what are you doing?!” simon just started walking to your kitchen, you felt one of his hands on your waist, and the other under your thighs. maybe on the outside you were acting shocked, but you were enjoying this.

“i’m not done cooking” you were so close to him now, that you could feel his deep voice resonating on his chest, again, you could sleep here forever. simon put you on top of the counter next to the stove. he stayed in between you for a few seconds, maybe he is going to say something you thought but he just moved to turn on the stove again.

after a very nice and full breakfast with simon, you told him you would clean the dishes, he obviously refused, but a phone call suddenly sounded on your flat. simon just took a deep breath “sorry love, need to take that” he sounded disappointed “sure, no problem!” now you could clean the dishes simon making a whole breakfast for you was making you feel guilty because you never helped at all :(

by the time you finished cleaning, simon emerged out of your room, you couldn’t read his body language, but the air in the room changed. “come ‘ere, just leave that” simon picked you up again. shrieking you said “stop picking me up simon!” you said in between nervous laughs “if i don’t do this, you’ll try walking all by yourself” he just knew you so well…

he lowered you to your sofa, sitting next to you. he put you sideways, so when he sat, your ankles could lay on his lap. you felt his hands massage your ankles softly miracle hands “uh” simon seemed nervous “what?” you said with a small laugh “i need to leave love” for a second, you felt all the blood drain from you, was he leaving you, for you good? you knew it was too good to be true. him being here with you again, he probably felt bad for you

“leaving? what do you mea-“

“i mean that i’m being deployed, for a month”

-

simon remembers this was the exact reason you two broke up, it was hard being with someone you could see just for a week, or days sometimes. he understood that, and you were in all your right to do that.

“simon, i’m sorry, it’s just too much” simon saw you all cuddled up in the couch, he just came back from deployment, and the first thing he saw was you, the tv off, a numb gaze to the wall. anxiety building in his stomach. he knew something was wrong ever since he left.

“what do you mean?” he kneeled in front of you grabbing your legs, extending them to the floor so he could lay his hands on your knees “every time you leave, i’m worried sick about you, i can barely see you now!”

that was true, he could barely see you now that he was promoted to lieutenant, meaning he had to be more time on base, deployed, working, etc. while he was happy to be ranked up to this level, he knew your relationship was slowly dying.

he could feel you shaking from where he was, the way he could also feel your next words “i don’t think i’m prepared for this simon, i just can’t”

simon felt all the air on him leave, he saw it coming, yet he never thought of how would he react. he just moved his hands from your knees, and just stared at your legs “i’m sorry simon, i know i always told you i would never leave, but, it’s hard for me” he saw the tears threatening to fall again.

breaking up with him was a very hard decision you made. simon was your life, your love and happiness, you knew deep down this was a bad decision. but it was too much. anxiety was worse everytime he left. not joking, every time he left you felt like 15 years of your life passed. your anxiety was just way too bad. you couldn’t eat, you couldn’t sleep. it was like your soul left with him, which was such a weird feeling for you perhaps it was love but you never said it out loud.

“hey, it’s okay, i understand it, a pretty girl like you shouldn’t be worried for a bastard like m-“ “you’re not a bastard simon”

you never let simon talk bad about himself, even when you’re in the middle of a breakup.

-

simon didn’t feel right all the time he was without you, like something was missing with him. yet, he dealt with it. but now, having you with him again, the need to protect you 1000x more, and having to leave again, was making him anxious

“oh” he could hear the disappointment in your voice “where will you be going?” “mexico” “hot weather huh?, will you be prepared for that?” “love, i’ve been in a desert for a month, i’m sure as hell i’ll be okay” you felt simon intense stare on you, you knew what he was thinking

“riley, please, it’s been 2 years.” you said holding his hand softly “it’s your job, who am i to stop you?” you said smiling. it was true, being a soldier was what he decided to do, and he is proud as hell for that, as well as you “just come back okay?” “promise love” “and bring me a leaf or a rock, please” you asked simon smiling at him, and who was he to deny you?

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

a month without him ;’(

do give me ur opinions and allat!! it inspires me hehe

taglist

@the-queen-of-england183 @sluttyforsimon @hotaruteba @honey-on-mars @actorryswife

[silvyadrakkon]

3 Under-Discussed Writer’s Block Busters

You all know me as an artist, but my first love will always be writing. And writer’s block is REAL. 

So I thought I’d throw out a few of my moderately unusual writer’s block busters to help my fellow authors.

Of course, the most common “answers” to writer’s block are:

Just keep writing, even if you don’t want to. (Something is better than nothing.)

Write now, edit later. (Leave your perfectionism at the door.)

Find what makes you most creative. (Play music, write during the same time of day, find good snacks, write in the right setting, and so on).

These are definitely helpful tips—things you 100% want to do whether you have writer’s block or not, but they’re not much use against more stubborn forms of creative constipation.

That’s where my three failsafe fix-its come in. They have always worked for me, no matter the situation. 

1. Change your writing method.

Story time! I haven’t been able to write for personal prodjects on a computer for four years—about as long as I’ve been writing and editing for my career. I associate my computer with business—even now that I’m between jobs.

My creativity freezes up whenever I try to work on one of my stories, and I get really distracted. Eventually I end up down a rabbit hole looking up limnic eruptions or different types of crocodiles, having only written a paragraph of a completely unrelated story. 

I swapped to hand-writing stuff just after my son was born, and that worked for a long time. I filled several notebooks with some great content (that will eventually be ready for you to read). But then my kid started walking, and I became his favorite chair.

If I have a pen, my kid wants it. And he won’t take a decoy pen. He specifically wants the pen in my hand, so writing when he’s awake is kind of out of the question. (I can only draw when he’s awake because I can balance my tablet on the back of our sofa.) Plus, those of you with munchkins know that you’re generally doing other responsible adult things when the kiddo is asleep, making writing then rather difficult.

I learned I can get a lot of writing done on my phone in the Apple Notes app. It sure beats doom-scrolling Tumblr and is a vast improvement over my retro minesweeper game when I’m spending some quality time in the bathroom. It’s also something I can write with when standing up, sitting on the couch, or hiding behind the baby gate on our stairs.

Can’t get the words out on Google Docs? Switch to Microsoft Word. Getting distracted on your computer? Handwrite your story—in a notebook or even on colorful construction paper. Don’t be afraid to experiment, even across the same story.

2. Get a second opinion.

I have a character floating around my WIPs who’s an absolute blast to write (I can unleash my full punning arsenal), but he’s also an ENFP, meaning we see the world in completely different ways. I often find myself stuck on how he would get out of the really nutty situations he often gets himself into. Thankfully, my ESFJ husband has really strong Extroverted Intuition (an ENFP’s dominant Jungian function), so I can often turn to him and ask, “What would be the dumbest could-work way you’d fix this problem?”

Asking for a second opinion is surprisingly low on most writer’s block fix-it lists, but it is by far one of the most helpful. I’ve been my mom’s developmental story consultant since I could read, and it’s been a great way for her to really churn out the novels. (It’s also a great motivation to finish your story because at least one person will be wanting to read it when you’re done.)

Even if you don’t take someone’s advice, it might still spark something that’ll propel your story forward.

3. Change your story’s direction.

Adapted from The Writing Life by Annie Dillard

Writing, in many ways, is a lot like digging a silver mine. As you rummage around your own head for precious nuggets (those really impactful scenes readers remember forever), you’re setting up a sturdy narrative shaft, using exposition and rising action to fortify walls so your story doesn’t collapse on itself.

Experienced miners know when a shaft isn’t structurally sound. They won’t willingly enter or work on a mine that could cave in on them, gauging the safety of the mine through small clues—clues their demanding boss is completely blind to. 

Your creative subconscious is a miner, and you, its employer. While not always, writer’s block could be an early sign that your story is about to collapse. Perhaps you’ve accidentally let a plot hole grow too large to fill with easy edits, or maybe the way you’re taking your story will fall flat, leaving you and your readers unsatisfied. Sure, you can force your creative subconscious to continue, but you’ll end up with a lot of unusable content in the end.

If you think you’re in a mine shaft writer’s block scenario, go back several plot points and start writing in another direction. If that doesn’t work, go back a few more plot points. While doing so may temporarily upset the plans you had for the novel, it will let you continue writing in peace and produce a better finished product.

[allpiesforourown]

Father Pie, I need advice.

I feel like a really shitty person for this. I have anxiety and feel depressed at times also, struggling with getting through my days and keeping hope sometimes. How I deal with this is by trying to keep positive but also using fandom (especially ao3 and tumblr) as an escape from my life.

With the horrible war going on in Gaza, there are a lot of people asking for help. Especially here on tumblr. I’ve gotten asks about fundraisers, but I haven’t done anything about them. I feel really awful about it, but I know a lot are scams while others are real. I’m always nervous when I get them as to whether they’re real or not. I do get ones with claims of verification, but sometimes I’m not sure how to go about making sure that claim is real. But, even if they are real, I’m not sure I would post them. Like I said, I use tumblr as an escape and to try to keep positive, wanting to keep my blogs related to fandom or positivity that I can also scroll through when I’m feeling overwhelmed and anxious to calm down. I also have very limited energy and my head is cloudy a lot, making it hard for me to research and look into things. I mostly get through my days with only a very few hours that I actually feel like I can really think and comprehend complex things and those hours(only about 2-3 the entire day) are spread throughout the day in bursts of 30 minutes to an hour. I also have schoolwork so I usually spend that time working on that. It feels selfish to not share these gofundmes and people asking for help just for my own anxiety and problems. They’re going through so much worse, horrors I can’t even imagine, but I’m not sharing their asks for help. I feel so shitty and terrible about doing this, but every time I see one of the fundraisers, I feel my anxiety spike and need to take time to calm back down. Having that on my blogs would be counterproductive to what I’ve made them for. I usually scroll through tumblr when I don’t feel like I can do anything else and just need some sort of distraction, so it’s definitely when my brains not functioning at full capacity and it’s difficult to think.

I’ve been spinning this around in my head for a long while, and every time I think on it, I feel worse and worse. Because of this, sometimes I don’t even want to open tumblr because I’m scared there’s going to be an ask in my inbox asking for help and I don’t know what to do with it. I’m the type of person who freezes up and hides when anxious and I already have a hard time making decisions without that decision being about people’s lives. I’m also still financially dependent on my parents so I can’t contribute money to them either. My only way to help would be by other means—like sharing their fundraisers. I feel like a horrible person for ignoring the asks. I know they’re going through hell. I don’t have anyone irl I can ask or talk to about this and the more I think about it, the worse I feel. So, I’m asking you, Father Pie.

I’m really sorry if this sounds totally out of touch, but I’m honestly asking about what to do. I always strive to be a good person, but my mental health isn’t great and I have a lot of setbacks already. I do want to help, but I’m just not sure how to go about it in a way that also protects my mental health. Overall I try to keep my posts more positive and not heavy in all aspects, not delving into deep politics and controversy. I’m an adult, but new to using social media due to not being allowed by my parents until I was 18, so dealing with this sort of thing is all new to me.

Just reading this over and I feel worse. Like I’m some spoiled little thing not wanting to deal with the bad in the world because it inconveniences me. I’ve thought about asking before but always chickened out thinking I should just deal with this on my own. I don’t know how to, though. So please, Father Pie, what should I do? What is there to do? Do you have any advice for me?

Reading this, I don't think your issue is with fundraisers or politics. I'm going to say this straight up, and anon this will hurt but you need to hear it: there is no such thing as a safe place where you never have to worry about anything.

Even if you stay tucked away on your fandom blog, there will still be rude and disrespectful people starting discourse. At schools, there will always be bullies and cruel teachers. At jobs you will always have coworkers who treat you like shit. Even at home, there will be issues.

It looks like your parents sheltered you a lot, but this mentality is not sustainable. I've been there. I have severe anxiety and when I was younger, I felt like my heart would stop when someone would be mean to me. When something happened that I wasn't prepared for, my heart would pound for hours. But this is not any way to live. There are lots of scary things in life that you need to deal with. No ifs or buts. If you feel like you have a heart attack every time you even think of other people experiencing tragedy, what will you do if those things ever happen to you, or to someone you love?

You clearly rely on a lot of people, like your parents. But can those people rely on you? Could someone who's always been there for you talk to you about something traumatic they went through, or would they need to worry about if you can handle hearing about it?

I know it's hard to hear, but that's how it is. You have to see the bad things in life. You have to do the things that are hard. You have to learn instead of saying you're too young to know. You cannot form meaningful relationships until you're someone people know they can count on when it matters. Looking away from the things that make you uncomfortable will not help you grow as a person. And you cannot decide you want to stop growing and stay where you are, because it's clearly some place you aren't happy with yourself.

My advice? You're an adult, go out and talk to strangers at a club. Travel, there's lots of cheap and safe ways to do that. Volunteer. Work out in public, whether it's going for a run around your neighbourhood or joining a gym. If those things sound terrifying, it's because you need to do them until they aren't anymore.

[nicollekidman]

Hi Abby, I am uncomfortable saying this off anon for a variety of reasons, please do not think one of them is cowardice. I have followed you for years and years. I’ve come to love so much media because of you and always appreciate your takes. I have chosen to unfollow you now. I am a Jewish person who has been so scared and upset about what the state of Israel is doing to Palestinians and am disgusted by the war crimes committed by Israel. At the same time, I have numerous Israeli friends and family members who have been murdered by Hamas in the last few weeks. Civilians visiting for educational and cultural exchange programs, horrifically killed. Your recently reblogged informational post about how Hamas is not a terrorist organization was deeply upsetting. This may not matter at all to you, but I ask that you consider empathy to all people involved in this issue. Decolonization is important. My friends and family are dead. These two facts can coexist. Just wanted to share this with you because I know many people see your blog and are affected by the information you share.

probably shouldn’t answer this at 1am and you’ve already unfollowed so you probably won’t even see this but i just want to ask you why my sharing resources and information about the reality of hamas and it’s current functioning within gaza / its original charter immediately made you think that i don’t care about loss of human life. there was not a single phrase in that post that minimized victims of the october attack, in fact, not a single phrase in that post took a stance on anything, it was purely informational. frankly, i think it was so measured to dissuade from reactions exactly like this, and if i had written it myself, i would’ve done a worse job.

and if you had been able to push past your knee jerk reaction to reading “they are not a terrorist organization” you would recognize that clarifying language and correcting misconceptions is one of the most important things we can do, both going forward in ending this genocide and looking back on how and why lives have been lost in both israel and palestine.

i have personal empathy and grief for your situation, and i’m so sorry you have suffered loss amongst your community and loved ones. but your loss does not form a shield behind which you are allowed to hide from truth, or force other people to close their mouths when trying to educate themselves and others. we are currently witnessing ongoing mass death, us-backed genocide, and a hugely successful (in the west) propaganda campaign to make this endeavor as Unknowable as possible, especially to those who have never looked into the reality of life in the region. grounding ourselves in recent history, learning more about words and labels that are thrown around weekly, daily, hourly, SPECIFICALLY to justify and excuse the ongoing campaign of death israel has visited upon the palestinian people for decades…. that is the LEAST we are all responsible for. it is your duty, as someone who has lost friends and loved ones, and it is mine, as someone with eyes on their stupid blog, to make every concerted effort to understand and spread the truth, in context, to enrich our own activism and honor the dead.

saying “decolonization is important” while unfollowing me after years bc i shared information about what hamas is, is so empty and meaningless you might as well have not said it at all. thousands of people are actively and endlessly being murdered behind a smokescreen of Terrorism with the VERY SPECIFIC connotations that holds over the west and the US in particular… attempting to relay information that complicates and clarifies your exact knee jerk reaction is the entire point. i hope one day you are able to look a little closer and recognize that your personal hurt in seeing new information that makes you uncomfortable is not important in the scheme of what we are currently trying to prevent

[sad-eyed-lady-of-the-paperbacks]

Welcome,

This is my pinned post.

(Last updated 18th of December, 2024.)

Update: I’ve been pretty inactive for a while now, but I still log on occasionally. So if you need to/want to reach me, feel free to DM me or hit me up on discord. I also still really enjoy getting comments on my fics. <3

I pretty much never shut up about Dostoevsky novels, and I can talk for quite a long time about Phantom of the Opera and Les Misérables as well. I will try to tag things consistently, so if you don’t like one of my interests you can and should block that tag! It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free!

First thing to know is that I very much welcome any and everyone to come talk to me about the books I'm insane about. Anon is on, DMs are open. Just come scream at me about characters or themes or whatever you want. Also, I don't always check my dash super regularly, so if you want me to see a post, please tag me in it or dm it to me! I won't think it's weird, in fact I'll be delighted, I promise!

If l ever unfollow you, you are absolutely welcome to still interact with me, message me, etc. I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings, I just really try to curate my dash because otherwise it’s overwhelming and I don’t go on there at all.

I started a read-along/book club of The Brothers Karamazov over at @keepingupwiththekaramazovs.

I post fics on ao3 as sad_eyed_lady.

Here's the current list of fandoms I've written for, but for the most current list just go to ao3 itself:

The Idiot - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (6) Les Misérables - Victor Hugo (5) Le Fantôme de l'Opéra | Phantom of the Opera & Related Fandoms (4) Brat'ya Karamazovy | Brothers Karamazov - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (3) Prestuplenie i nakazanie | Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1)

I very much appreciate comments, or if you're shy to comment publicly you're more than welcome to message me here; a few people have done that and it's made my entire life. Almost the entire purpose of fanfic for me is the sharing and community of it all.

I am not much of an artist, but occasionally I attempt to do an art when the fannish fervour strikes me. Appropriately enough, these attempts can be found under the tag #my attempts to do an art.

And finally, since tumblr's search function has become so abysmal that I can no longer find my own meticulously-tagged posts, I'm going to try to catalogue some of my messy analyses so that I can find them again. This will be an on-going wrangling effort on my part.

Dostoevsky, Fyodor, The Brothers Karamazov

Musings on class/position in society as relates to the interaction between Katerina Ivanvona and Grushenka in 1.3.10, and how this lens might shift our view.

Grushenka and active love

Healing the rift in The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment

How Fyodor and Mitya are different (but both human)

Dostoevsky, Fyodor, Crime and Punishment

Some half-formed thoughts regarding parallels between Raskolnikov and Marius Pontmercy and why I'm so much harder on Marius despite, you know, the axe murders.

It was Sonya's window, maybe?

Why 2002 BBC C&P was wrong especially in the way they handled Lizaveta's murder

On Avdotya Romanovna shooting but not killing

Healing the rift in The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment

Dostoevsky, Fyodor, The Idiot

On Nastasya Filippovna engineering her role as the doomed victim in a gothic narrative

Nastasya giving Rogozhin the details of the murder

Rogozhin wasn't an unstoppable killer who would have killed her no matter what

Comparing and Contrasting Semyon Parfyonovich (Rogozhin's father) and Totsky

On Myshkin imitating Christ

Rogozhin's childhood

Ramblings on Rogozhin's brother, Semyon Semyonovich

Cycles in the Rogozhin family

“Do you see this bouquet man, this monsieur aux camélias?”

Hugo, Victor, Les Misérables

Subcategory: Éponine Realities of the class dynamics between Marius and Éponine in the Brick as opposed to the musical Not an edgy girl who wants to be edgy Not a morally grey character Future trajectory/P-M involvement

Some half-formed thoughts regarding parallels between Raskolnikov and Marius Pontmercy and why I'm so much harder on Marius despite, you know, the axe murders.

A Thénardier turning the tables on Marius's dream

Misc Posts

Master list of all of my The Idiot fics in order

[gasha40k]

At long last! It’s been a while since my last post, although I’m sure I could probably start every post by saying that. Warhammer has taken a back-burner position in my life for the past few months. I haven’t played a game of 40k since October! If I’m honest, this is primarily because of money. I’ll spare everyone the rant and say that 40k’s prohibitively expensive nature has become, well, prohibiting, I guess. But that being said, the fixation always returns. And return it has! In the last however-many-months since my last post, I’ve spent most of my 40k time playing Kill Team and avoiding finishing my reading of Angron: The Red Angel, but I’ve done a little bit of fun stuff on the side that I’d like to share.

First time using colored primer went pretty well! Certainly saved me a lot of time and Mephiston Red paint

Angron is progressing! Since my last post I’ve primed him and most of his subassemblies. I’m painting him sort of in half, with his left arm and wing detached, as well as his bronze armor plating. I’m doing this so that I can get in and color the backsides of his wings properly.

This guy has been a big challenge so far. A model this large is both imposing and resource-intensive, and I’ve done literally no painting as of recent, so I’m likely not going to finish him for a long while, but I’m excited for when I eventually do.

Formerly known as Urayen’s Reavers, the Eclipse Cavaliers are a band of opportunistic Aeldari Corsairs who all seek one thing and one thing alone: profit

Moving on. As I mentioned previously, I started playing Kill Team this year, and I gotta say, KT fucking rocks! The rules are super approachable and the small scale of the game allows for much more focused and cinematic battles. It’s also a lot quicker, which makes it much easier to get pickup games in, which means I can actually play some 40k sometimes nowadays.

These xenos boys are known as the Eclipse Cavaliers. They’re a band of scumbag Corsairs and my squad of choice. I’ve written a lot of backstory for these boys so as to texture my games a bit more for myself, so I’m gonna put all that stuff in another post where I can talk about these characters in a bit more detail.

The 2nd Company is lead by the boisterous Captain Zaraf Gorfried Redfale. They specialize in the utilization of heavy war implements, such as Gravis armor, tanks, and artillery vehicles

Now that we’re onto more conceptual subject matter, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about how the Thunderbearers actually function as a Chapter. Each Company of the Thunderbearers controls a massive warfleet—much larger than the average fleet of most Successor Chapters—and acts as a semi-autonomous fighting force in and of itself, with the ability to prosecute independent campaigns so long as they remain aligned and in accordance with the Chapter as a whole. The 1st Company is functionally the “core” of the Chapter, made up of the Chapter’s command fleet, veteran company, and portions of the 10th.

The 2nd Company is technically the first of the Chapter’s autonomous fighting forces, and they’re also the only Company for which I own a Captain (the big Gravis fucker who I show off pretty often). The 2nd Company’s culture can largely be sourced to that of a feudal desert world known as Manticore. As the 2nd Company makes up a good amount of the Chapter’s infantry regiments, I felt it necessary to give them their own heraldry.

The special heraldry on their armor pays respect to Manticore in a few different ways. First and foremost, the red armor is a visual homage to the cold, crimson dunes that cover Manticore, but secondarily, it is a holdover tradition that comes from Manticoran warrior culture, wherein it was standard practice to color one’s armor with any number of red pigments so as to camouflage themselves in the dunes. Over time, different colorations of red grew to signify different things, with the 2nd Company’s crimson and gold coming to represent wealth and nobility.

I think that having a squad or two with a splash of red will really make my Space Marines pop out a little bit, and will definitely add some variation into my annoyingly uniform army. I’m thinking of doing little streaks of red on a few of the vehicles, as well, which will make them stand out too.

Speaking of vehicles, the Thunderbearers have received some reinforcements!

This is a Ballistus Dreadnought that I got my hands on through a friend of mine who was selling his Astartes. I kitbashed him a little but tried not to overdo it with the baubles, since my Redemptor is a bit of a piece. Design-wise, I tried to make this a sort of “Primaris update” of one of my first models, Big Harold.

The Aurum Eternatus, one of the Chapter’s most sanctified relics, is a Venerable Dreadnought whose chassis contains the body of the previous fallen Chapter-Master

The thing that I like the most about the Venerable Dreadnought is the ornate look to it. It’s got a lot of trim and fancy panels everywhere and kind of looks like a church-mech.

This aesthetic choice is most noticeable in the lascannon, in my opinion. Combined with the gold trim, the cool indented archway designs on the side panel of the las sorta gives “Gothic castle wall.”

While I couldn’t really replicate the trim, I did use a bunch of bits from the Venerable Dreadnought kit to up the Gothic factor. There’s also a noticeable lack of purity seals on Big Harold, which was something that I absolutely had to remedy. There’s 7 seals! Now we’ve got a proper 7-times blessed Primaris-scale lascannon to snipe tanks with.

Harold has sort of fallen out of use in my lists recently because, uh, Venerable Dreadnoughts do not exist anymore. Awesome! The older Dreads just aren’t as good as Redemptors as well, so Harold has sort of retired to a more ritualistic position on the Chapter.

In his stead, though, we’ve got quite a few new additions to the army alongside our Ballistus. Not included here is another drop pod and a bunch of new infantry units.

Sternguard Veterans of the Thunderbearers 1st Company

Here’s one of ‘em! This is my first squad of Sternguard Veterans, but I’m in the process of building another. Like the Ballistus, these dudes are as of yet unnamed, but I like them quite a bit! To be critical, though, I think I overdid it with some of the bits, but I’m sure the silhouettes will look less obnoxious once they’re all painted and voluminous.

My favorite of the bunch is probably the Veteran Sergeant. His heroic pose and classic bits give “default Space Marine.” And the Veteran on the left is using a bit of a unique shoulder pad that may or may not be a cleansed and sanctified Chaos relic, which may or may not be a common practice in the Thunderbearers Reclusiam Cataegis.

Next post will include the Eclipse Cavaliers and a new Thunderbearers character guy.

[azumasoroshi]

dude im being 100% fr shizaya fanfic writers were and are fucking insane

because my school banned ao3 (my fault, but that's not important), i saved a bunch of super long shizaya fics (which are PLENTIFUL for some reason, maybe because tastewithouttalent wrote so goddamn many) and have them open to entire work which allows it to stay open on my school devices without being “registered” per say

and they have been like. fucking destroying me

To Hell and Back by corteae started with “izaya and shizuo travel around the world and wacky shenanigans happen” and i was messaging my discord server like “SHIZAYA WORLD TOUR WOOOOOOO” and i was expecting wacky shenanigans and then suddenly everything went off the fucking rails in the way i LEAST expected it to happen

like maybe i wouldn’t have been so blindsided if i hadn’t skimmed through the tags so quickly but like it’s more fun that way. i hate when i actually see a ‘major character death’ tag warning because i want to be surprised

ANYWAY that was genuinely like. one of my favorite fanfiction reading experiences to date. it was like reading a whole novel with how much original stuff was in there but it was so focused on izaya and shizuo and characterized them so unexpectedly well that the original stuff never really felt out of place or forced even though it was so wild

and even though it got super dark at times it maintained this really hopeful outlook on everything and sometimes it was downright cheesy but it just WORKS for that fic and i love it because of that

and some of the challenges it made the characters go through just worked SO well for their canon characters especially post-ketsu and i gasped audibly at some of them and Ahrhghgghhfdgfd

and then the past few days i was reading this zombie apocalypse fanfiction (april 23rd by izayas) and it was like. the most depressing fanfiction reading experiences to date. i literally had a panic attack in school after i read this for a bit too long a session like holy shit it just felt so real and so heavy and hopeless

the writing was phenomenal and well-planned/foreshadowed and probably has the best shizuo AND izaya characterization that i’ve ever seen?? like i could believe things would actually happen in this way in canon. probably because their hate for each other is so intrinsic and they’re never really able to let go of that?? which is not what i expected because yes they bond and yes they care for each other but it was always in a way so that you could feel the wall between them, and even when they connect it’s only briefly, never enough to tear them away from their hatred fully

it almost feels shakespearean in how tragic it is?? everything is so character driven and all their downward spiraling is so poetic and sickening but utterly gorgeous to read. like at so many points you’re like GOD if only they had done this one small thing different, if only if only if only and it’s just htrgrhgfhgd drives me insane which is probably what izayas-san was going for lmao. esoecially at the end you can really feel the shakespeare tragedy kicking in

it’s notable that although it’s tagged shizaya and very much centers around their relationship, it’s much more an exploration of the will of human nature and their individual struggles with coping and growing from their experiences, and there’s like. no typical romance whatsoever

it’s about their sick, twisted, passionate love and whether it’s enough to save either of them or if it’ll kill both of them and just. god. i am empty after that fic i didnt cry but it feels like all the tears have been drained from my body i dont even know how to feel or how to function. i had to take a break from writing this review and it’s been a whole weekend and there’s still this weight on my chest that i cant get rid of :sob: for my sanity’s sake i sincerely doubt i could ever read it again but i honestly treasure that experience

ANYWAY READ SHIZAYA FANFICTION IT’S BUIILT DIFFERENT

[arl3kinka]

Hello :D do you have any p1 Dude headcanons?

hi hi.

oh boy, I thought I had a few, but after I sat down to write them just realized I might have a bit too much more than what I’ve expected, haha.

POSTAL 1 DUDE; headcanons

first of all! some headcanons make reference of how he was before the first game, so trying to apply them to the guy who’s terrified, sitting on the floor while hugging his gun would be pretty useless

also, if instead of a hyphen there’s a star it’s to address DID in Dude (I don’t have DID myself and I’m not close to somebody who has DID, all I know is from research I’ve done myself, so if there’s something wrong please tell me.

if you’re not into the DID idea just ignore the stars.

anyway, here we go:

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

— Before what happened in 1997 I think he was still a disaster, but a bit more functional.

I’m not gonna dig a lot into how he was while growing up, but he’s an only child that comes from a christian yet dysfunctional family, so after he finally had enough saved money and the legal age he moved to another city (not Paradise) to start again and never looked back, probably with a bit of help coming from Uncle Dave, the only family member that cared about him.

★ P2’s been with him since he was a kid/pre-teen. P1 doesn’t really knows who or what P2 is and at first is pretty much afraid, thinking he’s a demon of some kind. But after a while and seeing how he stands up for him (when he’s unable to defend himself, make friends, etc) and he’s not really trying to harm him he relaxes for a bit.

— He’s always been pretty much a loner, but not to the point to isolate himself completely. He had a tiny group of friends who were also as “weird” as he was who were also into the alternative/goth subculture. Those were probably the best years of his life.

But still, following the last point, I also think he’s one of those people that when they feel bad they isolate themselves for some time and then come back like nothing happened. It usually worked, until it didn’t.

— I have no idea of where I readed I don’t know if it was the Wiki, TV Tropes, in a reddit comment or somewhere else but I think that during the development of “Postal” the Postal Dude was around 27 years old. I don’t know if it’s true, but I’ll go with that.

And, to add some more flavor, I don’t remember if it was Tumblr or Reddit, but somebody had the headcanon that the 14 of November, the day the first game begins, it’s also the Postal Dude’s birthday.

I can’t remember who had such a good idea but I love it way too much, I love angst with all my heart so now it’s my headcanon too.

(if I see the original headcanon again I’ll give credits to the person)

— [ tw // mentions of drugs ] Definitely smokes both cigarettes and weed, but the last one just from time to time. Has tried acid or mushrooms but rather stick to weed.

He hasn’t done crack or anything too heavy, not before 1997.

— He has little to no idea of how to cook. He can do some basic stuff to survive, and he has tried following a recipe in the past, but it’s definitely not his best . Not like he enjoys it either.

— His body: pretty tall. He has a bit of a complex with his height, finding clothes of his size can be complicated and it’s a bit awkward too.

His body is a bit built (he does some work out because of the idea that somebody can attack him at any moment is enough to make him try to learn some self defense alone in his room). Compared to P2 he's has more corporal mass, but not as much as P3 would have. He's an in between. Not skinny but not fat either.

He’s also pretty pale. Not because he can’t get tanned or anything, but because he would rather go out when the sun is already setting or during night or, in general, prefers to stay at his house.

In general he’s one of those people you see on the street and catch your attention: it’s not always that you see a really tall guy with long ginger hair.

— He doesn’t cut his hair because he likes how it looks on him but also because he’s too lazy (and anxious) to go to a hairdresser. He sometimes cuts it himself, and since he has no idea there have been times it ends up disastrous, but since I think his hair is a bit wavy it doesn’t look really bad.

He also doesn’t maintains it really well, he only uses shampoo and, maybe, one of those 3 in one bottles and that’s all. If it’s really cold he dries it with the hairdryer, but rarely does so.

— His handwriting is HORRIBLE. Not like if it’s like hieroglyphics, you can read it, but it’s just really ugly (the diary/war journal entries is how he writes, but since he was pretty stressed and scared it’s a bit more agitated). Also makes too much pressure, not to the point of ripping of the paper but you can feel it on the other face of the sheet surface if you brush it with your hand.

Likes to write for himself, it’s therapeutic and the best way to cope, the less harmful to himself too.

— Following the last point he also likes to make some doodles, especially when bored. Nothing too serious though, the typical thing you do when you’re in class bored and you only have a pen in hand and a paper. You’ll see plenty of them that decorate his notes and diaries. They’re a bit chaotic, his traces being a bit messy.

— If he was accepted in RWS he might have some knowledge about the videogame industry or related. Not sure of what, probably graduated in some studies about it. Maybe a programmer? I dunno.

— Definitely neurodivergent. Either autistic or ADHD. Or both.

His main interests being weapons, movies and videogames. Predilect genres? Terror and horror. He’s not much of a reader though.

On a side note, easily overwhelmed with people he’s not close with touching him (or in general, he’s not opposed to it but would rather if the other person asked for permission) and large crowds, and the main reason he wears he started wearing sunglasses it’s because sensitivity to bright lights.

Still, he’s undiagnosed so he has no clue why he’s like that and why can’t he be normal, sometimes thinking he’s a bit dramatic. His group of friends also had other neurodivergent people who he could rely on so he didn’t feel that bad after all.

— He hated going to clubs for that same reason, even the more alt ones. Too much noise and people. He probably went there because of his friends and enjoyed it for a little while, but would’ve rather been doing anything else.

★ P2 liked it more than him, so when they made plans with their friends he was the one who was in control most part of the time.

— He’s the kind of person that I think would listen to pretty much everything, but definitely his favorite genre is hard rock and metal and its sub-genres: goth metal, black metal, grunge, industrial, you name it. Maybe nu metal it’s not really his thing.

Still, he jams pretty much everything so you could catch him singing a Spicegirls song and he would deny it with his life.

★ It’s in fact P2 who prefers nu metal and wouldn’t care what he’s listening to. Would probably tease P1 about it though.

P2: “You’re listening to Madonna? I thought you didn’t liked pop”

P1: “...shut it”

p2: “Whatever you say edgelord… "LIKE A VIRGIN JUST, LIKE THE VERY FIRST TIME- ♪"”

— He’s bisexual, but still in the closet and pretty deep in there. He has done a few things with other guys but nothing too serious or further than making out probably. Partly because he has some internalized homophobia from the family he comes from (in himself! would never judge or care is one of his close ones was in the queer community) and because generally he sucks at dating.

★ Again, P2 is more open about it than him, and probably the one who had those interactions with other guys, but since P1 was not really uncomfortable with the subject he never went too far.

P2 tried to talk to him about it, but P1 just refuses.

— Also, how did I forgot to mention this? Religious trauma.

Now, he has a weird relationship with his christianity and beliefs, his morals, and how he views himself since he was teached to be a good christian, and he kinda wants to be good at the eyes of God, but at the same time he’s into too many stuff his parents told him they were satanic and bad. He has mixed emotions about it, it’s like he wants to let it go, but he’s unable to do so.

To him the cross he carries around his neck is not for the aesthetic, but he’s not because he’s a good christian either. And when he’s feeling at his worst? It’s like a dog collar, reminding him how all the trauma his family beliefs have harmed him, but at the same time he cannot let it go for some reason. It’s like an abusive relationship both with himself and with his religion, if he even believes in it. It’s complicated to understand? He’s just as confused as you are.

Maybe the problem it’s not the religion itself, maybe it was his family and now because of them he can’t really feel comfortable praying (even if he sometimes finds himself doing so on the nights of rough days) or having a normal relationship with his christianity. Whatever it is, he’s traumatized.

★ And P2 doesn't helps either. He just does not cares about it and when he sees P1 having a breakdown about it, knowing how hard the subject is for him, just prefers to not to get involved, because, anyways, what can he do to help him? He just does not know either, it’s something he has to resolve himself. He cannot help him in everything.

P1 sometimes has called P2 a demon during his attacks, and even if he just ignores it it’s true that it can get annoying after all the times he has tried to help him, and every time they had a fight about it P1 ended up worse, so P2 decided to not get involved any more time for that too.

— I think he’s both shy and introverted, but don’t misinterpret me; not shy in a cute bean who gets all nervous and blushy. No. More in the staring at the person like if he was a deer in front of the lights of a car type of shyness, trying not to get too nervous, and after a few seconds he responds to whatever that person said or asked, hoping it wasn’t too cringy or awkward. He usually gets like that when he’s interested in a person (doesn’t matter if it’s platonic or romantic) and doesn’t want them to get weirded out by him

More introverted than shy, that’s for sure.

— If he’s having a good day his neutral face just looks tired, in his worst I doubt anybody would be able to get to see him because in those days he locks himself in his house and refuses to go out, but if it’s the case (probably the clerk of a shop because he ran out of food) it’s a mix of anger and fear (mainly due paranoia and hallucinations, trying to put and angry face to make the others don’t bother him).

— He could be INFJ (Ni Fe Ti Se) or INTJ (Ni Te Fi Se). If that was the case I think it would be due to Se grip.

I could go more into details because I really enjoy MBTI and see how its functions work on fictional characters.

★ Not the same as P2 of course, but that's a story for another day.

— Pretty much stoic, but on the inside? A mess of emotions he does not know how to untangle correctly. He can get emotional when he’s alone, but that’s a part nobody would ever see of him. He’s not going to let anybody see him in such a vulnerable and weak state.

— Now, returning to the main point. I could really go into details of what or why I think it could have happened for him to literally go postal, but I think the main point is that he moved to Paradise trying to escape from his life. And you may ask “but you said those were the happiest years of his life!” yep, completely, but there can be a few things that alone could have been bad but tolerable, but too many of them make them unbearable: maybe he distanced himself from his friends, had to move somewhere cheaper because of money, his mental health going downhill, etc.

The thing is, he moved to Paradise, and it was probably his worst mistake.

Uncle Dave lived there, that’s why he chose that city, but even with that he had almost no contact with him besides the first few days? He was on his own, alone again.

— Ironically, I think he actually worked for a post office. It’s the only job he could find.

— Both his physical and mental state got way worse. He’s never been a really healthy person, but still tried to take care of himself at least a bit. Going out only when heavily necessary and, after a while, not even going to work anymore. That's when he really ran out of money and got the terrifying letter: he got evicted of his “safe place”. Was his house even a safe place at this point? He couldn’t feel safe anywhere anymore.

He could have called Uncle Dave, but at this point? He was just so disconnected with reality he didn’t know what to do.

★ P2 saw him fall and had no idea of what to do at this point. He was tired of trying to help him so he just ignored. P1 felt so bad that, even if he find P2 annoying at times it was the last thing he needed, the last familiar thing he had disappeared hurts him to the core.

— [ tw // mentions of self-harm ] Even if writing in his journal really helped him to calm down during bad days it doesn’t mean he didn’t do other more harmful things to himself when he was at his worst. Before moving to Paradise he handled it better, he was able to tone it down pretty much since he moved from his parent’s house, but after everything got so overwhelming again? He doesn’t know any better. And the worst part of it? Finds it both comforting and thinks that he deserves all this suffering. For everything. For moving away from his parents, maybe they were right after all. For being a bad christian, God, if he hasn’t done it already, would probably turn his back the day he has to pass Heaven's gates. For after being so happy and having friends and thinking he was getting better and how he throwed all out the windows. It’s all his fault, and he knows it, but he can’t bring himself to do anything, not even therapy, and cannot call his friends. Nothing. The world’s still going on without him. He just feels like when he was a kid, but worse.

★ And here’s where he appears: the Other Dude (to me not the same as P3). He’s shows him his most intrusive thoughts, those who make him feel sick. OD slowly persuaded him to do horrible things not to himself, but the others. He’s twisted and manipulated everything, every little hope he had. P1 confused P2 with OD at this point, and was the one who made P1 get out of his house after a really long time, but with a gun in his hand, ready to kill everybody who made him feel so miserable and worthless. At this point he’s just gone.

At first, ironically, P2 tried to get in the middle of it, a bit confused of what or who OD was. Why he was so similar to himself? How long has he been there? But even OD persuaded him at some point.

Both P1 and P2 were tired of the way they were living and feeling. So why not change it?

I’m not sure who’s the one who got out of the house ready to cause a massacre, if P1, P2 or OD, but the thing is they all agreed at some point.

— I know this is going to be a bit weird, but I don’t think the whole game stages are real? It sounds weird, but let me explain: you really think a guy who has been locked inside his house for so long, having horrible hallucinations, almost no sleep (and if he had any, probably full of nightmares), not taking care of himself is really going to go too far? It does not matter how many weapons he may carry, it’s practically impossible.

Maybe the first 2 or 3 stages, but not much more before the police/militars/whoever it was got him at some point. The others only happened in his head, his mind going ahead of him, overthinking, and lately, his guilt getting over him.

By this I’m not saying he’s less of a horrible person, he did what he did and it’s sickening, it does not matter how bad he was feeling, killing people who have nothing to do with you and your problems is not the answer. Even if they were the cause, it’s not the solution.

— Leaving aside that all the “Postal” games are usually a parodies of real life and black humor (asides from the first game and “Postal Redux”) and taking it for something more serious, I don’t think “Postal Dude” it’s the name of the Postal Dude.

It was a nickname given both by the survivors of the massacre and the media.

— Also, after what he did he was everywhere. In the newspapers, in the TV, in the radio. That’s how Uncle Dave and the group of friends he had back in the city he lived before found out. But how could he? He was such a nice, quiet guy… he wouldn’t hurt a fly!

His group of friends, who since he moved without saying anything, didn’t pick up their calls and in general ignored them and decided it was for the best to just let it be.

Uncle Dave, on the other side he was worried. What the hell happened during all those years they were separated? It couldn’t be something he decided overnight, there had to be something more, right?

— He got his hair shaved at the asylum. After that he didn’t had it that long in his whole life.

— He got locked in the asylum, and being locked in there, alone again with his thoughts, it was dead of him. Metaphorically speaking.

★ P1 went dormant, refusing to think of what he has done, or at least accepted to do. He couldn't take all that blame, it was impossible. Every time he remembers it he wants to puke. He now really want to be dead. There’s no way he can redeem himself from that, God definitely has abandoned him. OD also disappeared. He just provoked all of this and now what? He accomplished what he wanted, where is he? He bring out the worst part of P1, was he trying to corrupt him and breaking him was not in the plan or was the plan breaking him from the start?

Whatever it was left P2 alone, also feeling guilty of what he has done. He does not feel as bad as P1 but he also cannot feel happy as OD probably feels. What they’ve done it’s horrible, but how OD manipulated them to do it? Even worse. Even for P2 whose morality is more gray-ish than P1s.

He hates it, he’s locked in there with the hallucinations and barely speaks to P1 because he’s completely broken and refuses to do so. Now it’s the other way around. He’s growing resentful to him too for that, they’re both cupid, can he at least make him some company? Like he did when P1 was a child too? It’s unfair.

He has something clear though: if OD ever shows his ass again he will NOT let get on him like he did. And even if he’s annoyed at P1, not even him.

— After some time Uncle Dave brings himself to visit him. At first it was so grim. Dude felt so horrible for his actions he couldn’t bring himself to even look at him, but after some more visits, therapy and meds he started to light up a really tiny bit. It was something.

★ It was not really him, P1 was pretty much not wanting to know anything from the external world, it was P2 who decided to take the lead. P1 didn’t wanted to live anymore? Fine, he would take his chance then. To live the life he never could since he’s always been on P1 mind, rarely being the one in control.

Maybe he was pretending, or maybe he genuinely wanted to get better, but the thing was: he wanted to get out of there, if there was a chance to do so, he would try it. At first do what the workers said, and if that didn’t work he would escape. He does not care. He wants to try to live.

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

okay I got a bit too carried away- I’m sorry-

hope you liked them! I’m not really skilled nor do I have practice when it comes to creating headcanons about characters even if I have a few ideas.

I’m thinking about posting a few more in a future,, but school work is killing me-

[manonamora-if]

Weekly check in. Some little stuff, some bigger stuff.

Current word count: 23.323 (Ch.5), >8k (Ch.6)

And we're finally back on track with Harcourt, babyyyy. After a month of eh from both me (with the editing) and MelS (writing the next chapter), we both managed to break through our respective blocks.

As of a few days ago, I sent back the edited Chapter 5 to MelS, so he could answer my comments and check the changes. I finally got to read the missing bits (and they are creepy and yucky)... Can't wait to code all of that when it is ready. We definitely need another round of MelS editing the text and me checking it, before I can add that to the file.

Until I get the file back, I'll focus on other projects.

Like...

Yerup... I ended up finishing it. A little binksi with more vibes than story. Click if you dare :P

Making a binksi (or a bitsy/bipsi) had been something on my bucket list for a while now (almost a year actually), and I finally got to make one for realsies!

Honestly, the hardest part in all of this... was making the tiles/sprites in 8x8 pixels ;-; Anyway, the code is freely available on itch and my GitHub.

Fixed some accessibility issues yesterday:

textbox not getting in focus properly

links/buttons not changing state when in focus but not hovered

added image descriptions to pictures in French/English

Also added the logos of Twine and SugarCube when the game loads. Those are clickable too.

I have worked a tad more on the UI/missing elements. But not as much as I should have.

Next week, the final update should be out.

This is what I'll be fixing this month. Officially reopened the code files, stared at it, and cried. It's so bad. It's such a mess...

Not looking forward to it, but it needs fixing! (I've asked the Forum for help too in the commands...)

ALSO, I've decided there will be a hyperlink version of this game. Instead of the commands, click on words. It will be in the same file, and you get to choose at the start.

I’ve finished reviewing the EctoComp entries (except the Spanish-only ones because I suck at Spanish...) and have started reviewing the Bare-Bones Jam entry. An updated version of the reviews have been queues on the IFDB and @manonamora-if-reviews. I will probably go back to the IFComp entries after that (probably after the voting deadline... I've done 40 already...).

-_-

I've made a completely new intro post with all of the place I'm at (if you'd rather not be on Tumblr). It was a long time coming, and now I have clear channels of where I'm posting about stuff. Just need to be consistent...

I've also started migrating old dev logs and posts to my blog, especially the longer ones where I have a lot to say. Since the search function and archive on Tumblr is eh, I get to keep the important ones (not all of them are) in a more organised place. They are still on Tumblr, btw. It's not gone, just copied. It's been nice to revisit old dev logs, and see how far I've come (it's been a long way). It's pretty humbling (especially the typos, omg... I fixed so many of those).

-_-

The IFComp and EctoComp, are always looking for players/voters. If you want to play a few short-ish games, take advantage of that! There is only a few days left for the IFComp and a few weeks for the EctoComp.

The @seedcomp-if is always looking for inspiration (text, images, code, etc…) in this current first round. If you have half-baked ideas or anything, really, come submit something!

Over @neointeractives, ShuffleComp! is looking for playlists and participats :)

-_-

And that's it I think...

[lesbovalentine]

wait guys can i be a little hater about totk i haven’t done that on here. and like for the record i’ve been having lots of fun with it even if i haven’t been able to play for a while. but also

idk how to do a read more on mobile. idk if u even can i didn’t use mobile when i used to make posts more. like five yrs ago. ill add that when im on my laptop next soryyyyy

anyways NUMBER ONE. sticking with the nonlinear storytelling. i think it worked for botw, felt immersive with link uncovering things about his past on his own, etc. i don’t understand the point of it here and i think it takes away from the story lol. especially with the dragons tears where they like try to foreshadow and they try to show u characters and a storyline but succeed in actually letting us know the characters hardly at all and all foreshadowing fails because you can get them in any order which also brings me to the end cutscene of minerus temple which for some reason is just 70% recapping what the dragons tears said? then the temples didnt feel very rewarding to finish just because you didnt learn anything new unlike the divine beasts you just got nearly identical scenes for all the dead sages changed only by speech patterns and approximately 3 lines from the new sage. id rather just have a scene with the new sage then the sameee cutscene with zelda every time. and i truly believe the scene after the last geoglyph dragons tear wouldve been way more impactful for me if id gotten the last few in order. i felt a drive to advance the plot for about three days and then nothing. because there is SO LITTLE plot it feels like. you get these fragments here and there and while ive been loving to explore this changed hyrule its like. i was so excited for new plot especially bringing back ganon back into the mix after so long and all we got were crumbs. come on now.

SECOND speaking of plot what was with all that emphasis on the sky islands in trailers when its the DEPTHS that r so much bigger. and there is like NOTHING about them in the plot of the games — they’re just an extension of the sky islands and overworld, really, in everything but aesthetic appearance, and they’re never relevant in the story despite how huge it should seem that there is clear evidence of zonai civilization there which is for some reason identical to whats in the sky? everyones like omg look in the sky and only josha cares about the underground in a sidequest that means very little.

THREE everyones already said something about the disappearance of guardian tech and its already been countered with a “well they must have dismantled it all to avoid it being used against them again” and thats all well and good but the complete lack of mention despite working closely with the sheikah tech researchers is INSANEE whered the massive divine beasts go?! its like the events of botw never happened no one talks about it ingame!!!!! no ones ever like well ever since we cleared all those broken down guardians from the field by fort hateno, or we’ve been using the old tech to learn from to create this new slate that is nearly identical in function to ur old one but we’re gonna for some reason always act like this camera or sheikah sensor r totally new and exciting. ???

[hyunnieshannie]

Have you ever read a fic that captures you in every way?

Warning: this is a rant // Review about a fic I just finished. I DONT usually post this kind of thing on the writing blog and would usually post this on my secondary ( @hyunsungbased ) but I felt like I needed to rant properly so here you go.

I just finished the most gruesome. Heart wrenching. Psychiatric facility needing fic I have EVER read and enjoyed all 35 chapters of the gut twisting, anxiety inducing story line.

The tags? Usually ones I don’t go out of my way looking for (Dead Dove: Do Not Eat and others) but when I saw THE TRAILER. YES. A WHOLE. MOVIE. TRAILER. for it. I had to do it.

Like this fic genuinely surpassed being just a fic. I 100% believe that if the author changed the names around from SKZ / ATEEZ names it could be a published book. That would more than definitely capture the attention of horror // psychological thriller fans.

As someone who wants to be in film as a director I’d JUMP at a chance to make this a tv show or movie. It was fucking PHENOMENAL.

The plot. Attention to detail. Continuity. The side plots. The foreshadowing. The hints dropped throughout the story, Everything about this fic was so incredibly well done. The author must have been as meticulous as Chan was throughout the story to genuinely have me this floored.

There are very little authors who’ve had me this intrigued. A few being some mutuals I’ve made here. (@milkandhyunnie & @straywrds I’m looking at you) and some who I continuously read their works. (You can find the works I genuinely love SO MUCH in my Fic Suggestions list HERE

Back to my rant/Review:

I Don’t cry at fics. I barely cry reading but some of the deaths gutted me. I have an entire video of myself SOBBING over two deaths. Ranting to a friend of how cruel it was even tho I was EXPECTING it. And every-time it was brought back up I could feel myself choking. It was unfair and cruel. And one of the characters last words being “Do you think he’s waiting for me?” Destroyed me in my entirety.

This fic became an obsession. Almost as unhealthy and the relationship between the main characters. It ate me alive. My brain couldn’t function properly. It became an obsession. I stayed up countless nights reading because i couldn’t put it down.

I fell in love with the characters, their development, and genuinely felt so strongly. And DEFENDED THEIR ACTIONS.

There were times I found myself thinking ‘wow yeah I’m in love with Hyunjin’s character in this fic..’ when I know I should have been wincing at the thought of who his character was.

It. Fucked. With. Me. So. Bad. (In a good way)

I talked about it to all my friends —> told them what was going on as a play by play as I read.

They aren’t really down for the kind of fic it was (Murder// Gruesome killings// and other things that is best described in ‘Have you ever seen the show Hannibal?’ {no. No one in SKZ does those things to each other // Eats. Weird things}) they opted to me giving a synopsis.

They laughed with me and when it came to. Cried as hard as I did and they weren’t even reading it. (Ty to my friends for putting up with me because dear god. When I say it became an obsession I genuinely mean it. A lot of it inspired how Kierra acts within our fic super board. So if our last chapter of Kierra’s past shocked you that fic may have definitely had a part to play. Kierra was ALWAYS going down that road. The author inspired the gruesomeness of the act itself)

As someone who’s been writing another fic on the sidelines to test the waters of the dark and twisted this fic has truly inspired me. (I may perhaps leave it on AO3 instead as I’m not sure how our readers here - who are used to our casual fluffier happy ending writing style may react.).

I have never been more inspired to write angst with either a hopeful ending or no happy ending at all.

I could go on about this all day. I have done it too. I have went on a whole TWO HOUR explanation on how I felt about this I could probably write an essay about why it was so good.

If you made it this far thank you.

Here’s a gift for your troubles.

*cries seeing them because this fic altered my brain chemistry*

>> Mini’s Note: If somehow any of this interested you after reading this (i tried to leave it as vague as possible while my brain still tries to process the last 3 chapters) pls feel free to dm me for info on it but I cannot stress this enough. This fic is so heavy in terms of topics and the details put into it. SO. HEAVY. I’ll gladly pass it along but it really is not for the weak of stomachs. If you still want it, I advise you HEAVILY READ THE TAGS MORE THAN ONCE.

Ps: i have started their next series which is on going and supposedly DARKER than the one I just finished. Please pray for not only may sanity, but for the sanity of the friends who will have to deal with me for the next [insert time period] that I spend reading it.

[beastenraged]

The AUTISM (my experience)

I’ve spent more of my life aware of my autism than not aware of it, at this point. 

I got my diagnosis the winter before my freshman year of high school and it was extremely exciting for myself.

For the first time in my life, I knew why it was so hard to talk to people, why I loved reading so much, why various objects were so noisy and loud and bad to touch at times. (Why no one wanted to be my friend.) 

As part of that experience, I was on the high of self-awareness. I wanted to tell my friends and for a few, I did. I wanted EVERYONE to know, I am autistic!

Only for that to not...go so great. 

People said stuff like “You don’t seem autistic.” Every bit of their tone and words implied that autism was a Bad Thing, even to an individual less than savvy about social interaction such as me. 

I tried to explain. I tried to say, “Well, that’s not true, I’ve just been working very hard to fit in.” “Don’t you know what it means to have autism, this is what it means-”

But no one wanted to listen. People have their own ideas of what autism is, you see. A teenage girl that read all the time in the back of the class, getting good grades on everything, and didn’t keep up on the latest gossip, doesn’t fit into those ideas. 

Ideas I’m going to touch on, just you wait. 

I’ve spent a heavy amount of my time in school, before and after my Revelation, being jealous of Autistic Boys TM. 

The ‘boys’ is the important part, you see. They fit in every autistic stereotype almost perfectly. They talk nonstop about topics most people don’t even care about, like trains and planes and bugs and elevators. They’re louder than usual. They fall into very noticeable meltdowns when it’s too loud, too bright. They punch people, even, in the more extreme cases. 

But people smiled at them in school. Nodded and pretended to listen in ways they never did with me. Never told them they were wrong for existing. And I envied these boys for that. 

Because they’re allowed, you see. They’re allowed to be obnoxious and unable to fit in, because they have autism, you got it? How terrible that these boys have autism, they’ll never be able to have normal lives! 

They’re allowed to exist as they are, because they’re pitied for it. 

The first thing to learn, having autism: that you’re only allowed to be autistic if you’re pitiable.

That’s what people assume, if you learn later than usual that you’re autistic, that you’re looking for pity. 

When in reality you’re looking for understanding. For a reason, no matter how terrible, your life has been the way it has up to this point. And beyond. 

Only children have autism, don’t you get it? Small pitiable creatures that have no control over their lives. Autistic children never grow up, in the minds of the public. 

But where does that leave the rest of us?

Where does that leave me?

Well. Getting angry, I guess. Anger burning through my veins and heart. 

I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to figure out how to function in a world that isn't made for me. Done things like studying how social interactions work, take in as much nerd culture as possible so I could talk to said nerds about anything they wanted to, practiced work interviewing over and over. So many small pieces for the mask the world wants to see. 

Only for it not to matter. Not really. 

There’s always going to be a person that just gets it, understands the interviewers down to the base level, in a way that I would have to study for years to comprehend. Who gets picked because of that, nevermind how hard I worked for the same. 

Sometimes I ask for help, and it only ends up in being treated like an infant. 

So much of my life makes me angry at its unfairness. At how I feel like I have to lie about who I am for anyone to accept me, for me to do anything.  

And lying, as they say, is a thing autistics hate.

But it’s not always like that. There are people that want me to work as I am, who are very happy at my neurodivergent ability to just do the same thing over and over without getting extremely bored with it. 

People who tell me that they’re happy that I’m sharing my experiences, that there’s someone else out there who’s autistic like they are. 

People who fight to get more studies on how autism works in the brain, how it shows up in people outside those Autistic Boys TM. 

The world’s already better when it comes to information on autism than it was when I was younger, and it was better then than it was for my dad before me. 

So.

I am Autistic and proud of it. 

I hope you can be proud too. 

[baronessofmischief]

I think in terms of deciding whether or not to write accents phonetically (I’m against it) it mostly comes down to the fact non-native speakers will almost always do it incorrectly and it ends up being seen— however well-intended— as an insult, parody, or stereotype. This can also be said of (and has been said many times about) using other languages in a story. If you haven’t lived in and taken an active focus on actually studying the way accents form and evolve and function within a specific environment, including speaking extensively with people who have that particular dialect or accent, you are much more likely to do harm than good in including it in your writing.

There are innumerable places where it could be done incorrectly; accents, dialects, and language will be used differently across age, gender, class, social standing, environment, time period, subculture, context, and individual persons, even when the two people speaking are from the exact same culture. It’s not to say you can’t do it, it’s to say if you’re going to do it, you need to do it right. You need to be able to justify how and why you wrote something the way you did outside of “It sounded good.” Back it up with research and justify your reasoning, and above all be receptive to criticism and admit when you’re wrong or unaware of something pointed out to you.

I’m not even someone for whom English is a second language and I can frequently tell when an accent or dialect is being used incorrectly because I’ve seen it done even with American accents. It’s very easy to tell when someone who isn’t southern or midwestern or northeastern isn’t a native to those regions.

And I know it ’s hard! But guess what: writing is hard. If this isn’t something you’re willing to commit time to, best not to use it at all.

Plenty of other people can talk more about the foreign language aspect, but if you want advice for writing accents in English: don’t write it phonetically unless it’s an entirely different word (ex. “Y’all” being a contraction of “you all”). Number one: it’s harder to process and puzzle out in a written format especially since every writer is likely to do it differently using their own arbitrary set of rules, and number two, you’re much more liable to make your character look like a cartoon stereotype which any number of people will at best, simply back out of a fic and possibly not read your work with those characters again, or at worst, be insulted or harmed by the depiction. It’s worsened by the fact that if that reader says nothing, you the writer get away with it, and if they DO say something, they risk backlash or active harm. It’s a lose/lose situation.

Instead of changing the spelling of the word and adding a bunch of apostrophes, focus more on actual vocabulary and slang to the point you can give the reader enough flavor to ‘hear’ how that character speaks and move on. Additionally, don’t have them spout random phrases that don’t make sense in context of the scene just to emphasize the fact they’re “not from around here.” There are very few cases where someone is going to project random idioms as a means of announcing their presence to the room as someone with a different way of speaking.

Environmental context clues should inform the reader of what region the character’s voice is from. You the author know what the character is saying— so write what they’re saying and trust your readers to fill in the gaps. If you’re a native English speaker, writing broken English is going to come across as rude and ignorant no matter how well you think you’ve done it.

[dreaming-in-daylight]

watch a half functioning braincelll read the first 5 chapters of red queen

1st chapter 

ooh she’s a thief~ i already like this mare

okay, she’s 17 nice, nice

aww now i want 3 piercings on the same ear

wHo iS tHiS mAn? hE….. iS …… Kilorn Warren

you dumb fool.

hEr DAD IS MISSING A LEG AND A LUNG?!

noo poor kil don’t starve

ok ok so there are strong arms, telkies, swifties—- i mean swifts, nymphs, greenys (blueys) and stone-skins

oOh this guy likes violence 

Samson, can i call you sam? WAIT ACTUALLY NO SAM IS THE NAME OF A TEACHER THAT HATES ME

SAMSON’S A WHISPER THATS SOCOOL

2nd chapter

wait didn’t her mom leave the fam *flicks back a few pages* “Kilorn’s mother ran off after that” OHH OKAY 

okay her sister has red hair like fire

I dunno if i should trust this sister

the mom’s worse at cooking than me

WHAT KIND OF SISTER FORGETS HER BOTHER’S LETTER

ahh okay so the dad’s an anteater when it comes to shade’s letters, makes sense

I like this shade we should be friends

“her chair scrapes as she stands up” ouch just reading it hurt my ears

“i hope you like black eyes because i have no problem giving you one for this” i was scared kil would punch mare here

oh no kil don’t cry

DONT GO KIL PLEASE DONT GO TO WAR

que go to war by nothing more

3rd chapter

“his voice cracks, though he coughs to try and cover it up” nooo bby

“the heat in my cheeks surges faster than any flame” oooh someone has a cruushhh

whenever you need to be transported somewhere, just look for the black market

obviously the grandpa is gonna have access to the black market

LadyFarleyis hot 

here you go lady farley: 

( i added a thousand crown emojis but APPARENTLY theres a limit)

now that that’s done, i have a pickup line: why tf would you need a thousand crowns for? you’re ALREADY a queen

and plus people would be sus about how you would have that many crowns

“oh yeah i was human trafficking and the price was a thousand crowns”

*chokes on literal air* THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW?!?!

Lady, I think you need to sit down

oh no how’s she gonna tell kil 

4th chapter

okay first can i say that i had a dream that mare was a telkie or a whisper … if that’s how you spell it

do all silvers have rdf’s?

how much you guys wanna bet she’ll leave gee here and get arrested

FARLEY AND GRANDPA WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO

okay but that was very baddie of Farley

why would you drown the innocent red? If he was part of the scarlet guard, he would be terrorizing with his cult, wouldn’t he? That’s like killing every German because of Hitler

Mare didn’t even get a single thing

so there are also cloners. They. Are. Scary.

please don’t beat up gee and mare, please don’t beat up gee and mare

WHAT THE HECK DID YOU JUST DO TO GEE

THAT OFFICER IS GETTING BEAT UP

WHAT DO YOU MEAN “ITS THE LAW” SHE DIDN’T ACTUALLY STEAL ANYTHING. EVEN IF SHE DID YOU COULD JUST TAKE IT FROM HER AND SEND HER TO JAIL NOT BEAT UP HER HANDS

I WILL FIND THE OFFICER AND BEAT HIM UP

5th chapter

I wonder where she’s planning to go 

“I do it every summer, but Kilorn is always with me, smiling into a drink as he watches me work. I don’t suppose I’ll see his smile for much longer.” NOOO PLEASE SHUT UP DONT MAKE ME MISS HIM ALREADY

“I guess causing pain is all I’m good for” NO SHUT UP YOU WERE ONLY TRYING TO GET A THOUSAND CROWNS TO KEEP KILORN WITH YOU IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT

also stop sulking and do something about it 

uh oh she got caught

the guy who caught her is going to be important. Not once has she described anyone with such detail.

“He is the strangest person I’ve ever met” could it be that guy “Cal” I’ve heard about? If I’m right, you all owe me a chicken nugget

“His smile returns, and the comfort it gives me is unsettling” HAH NOW I KNOW ITS CAL

“I’m Cal” WHAT DID I SAY YOU ALL OWE ME A CHICKEN NUGGET

Was Cal at the Hall too?

I like Cal

So, what, does Cal pay her every time he pities her?

“Something about the mud and shadows makes Cal uncomfortable” Is that going to be important?

“You shouldn’t worry your mother like that” IS HER DAD NOT EVEN GOING TO CONSIDER THE GUILT SHE FEELS?!

Why is the dad worried about the light shortage in the house aND NOT HIS DAUGHTER’S BROKEN HANDS

Does her turning the light on magically have something to do with her powers that are mentioned in the back?

Her dad is now has a profession in lecturing mare about false hope

How can Gee sleep? If that were me i’d be shaking and whimpering and crying until sunrise

OH MY GOD SHADE’S PART OF THE SCARLET GUARD