#i’ve done stuff with either of them without the third person like it stands to reason they can work without me

[livvyofthelake]

crazy things happening in redacted land. horrific era remember i can’t speak about it directly i can only make vague hints and sort of make little jokes and jests. i don’t know how i’ll ever get my fyp back to normal when all this is over for me wow. oh well that’s a problem for another day. anyway. crazyyyy things happening in redacted land!!!

[catamano]

8:13am - Georgia

When I told Mom that I didn’t want to go to school this weekend, I meant it. School is the last place I want to be right now. Between Nadia and Parker this weekend, it didn’t stop. At least Mom and I seem to finally be getting along again… We actually spent the car ride talking. It’s probably the first time we’ve done that in weeks.

I pull the door to school open and am met with the familiar scent of the hallway. It smells like a bad mix of axe body spray and crappy perfume body spray. I swear everyone here has the same sprays and none of them are good.

The walk from the door to my locker isn’t a far one. I spot two people standing in front of my locker and freeze. Parker. And some boy I’ve never seen before. Probably her boyfriend. Why are they in front of my locker? I sigh. I don’t feel like dealing with this right now.

It’s Monday, which means I don’t have math, which means I actually have to go to my locker. My first class today is Western Civ and Ms. Tully always makes us bring our books to class. I take a deep breath and keep walking. Whatever. I’ll just tell them to leave.

“Georgia,” greets my former best friend. Her voice is cold. She made it very clear this weekend that our friendship is over. I still don’t even know what I did. She kept calling me a bad friend over and over again. She told me I didn’t care. She’s the one who stopped caring. Not me. I feel tears start at the back of my throat and swallow. Not again. I’ve already cried once today.

“Can you move, please?” I ask. I don’t make eye contact with either of them. The guy next to her is staring at me. He doesn’t look mad, he looks… weird. I can’t really read his expression. This is the guy she picked over me? Okay. 

“Good morning to you too.” She rolls her eyes. I feel the urge to do the same, but decide against it. Talking with Mom this morning must’ve gotten to me. Her voice is in my head, reminding me not to stoop to anyone’s level. I didn’t even tell her anything going on.

“Can you move, please?” I repeat. I have no idea what my voice sounds like right now.

“I have your clothes, when do you want them?” she asks. I forgot she said she would bring them today. "Georgia" clothes. I don't know why she had to throw that in my face. My stuff might be nicer than hers, but I've never said anything about it.

“Just give them to me after school,” I tell her. I swallow again. I don’t know why this couldn’t have been done over text. Oh, right. I think she blocked me.

“Fine,” she says. She grabs her boyfriend’s hand and they both leave without saying anything else. Ten years of friendship for… that guy. She doesn’t seem bothered at all. I don’t know how to feel about that.

I get my locker open after a couple tries and pull out my Western Civ book. Parker and I have class together. I forgot until right now. We usually sit next to each other. Not today, I guess.

Lunch will be different. I’ll have to sit somewhere else. On Mondays, we usually sit at a table with a few other people. I wonder if she’s said anything to them about me. Zach hasn't talked to me, so I'm guessing she did. They’re more her friends than they are mine. They probably just pretend to like me. Now they have no reason to.

Without Parker, I don’t really have… any friends here. I have acquaintances, but they all have their own friends. I glance around. Everyone has friends. I don’t see a single person by themselves. Except me. The only one without any friends.

The lump in my throat is still there. I swallow for a third time to try and get rid of it.

I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to go to class. I just want to go home.

[enkisstories]

The wrecking of the Steadfast (Ch. 6)

Rey and friends are reunited and need to decide where to go from here. The decision is taken out of their hands when General Pride's Sith troopers attack New Harvest and force the group into hiding in the forest. And they still have that shaky ally former General Hux tagging along... But while in his inner monologue Hux leans heavily into his "Future Emperor Armitage I." image, his words and actions beg to differ.

Read it here: Chapter 6 or from the beginning

Outtake:

As the rebels made their way to their speeders, Finn stepped in line with Hux. Reading the room, Rey left her bike to Finn and took the seat next to Poe in the car instead.

“Makes one wonder, huh?” Finn said. “Think kids are in the cards for either of us?”

“Why not? I had a thorough education in how not to parent.”

“Yeah, same, and thanks to the same shithead.”

They mounted the bike. Only after they had followed the speeder for some time already, did Hux speak up again: “But without an army, we can neither secure our territory, nor expand it. We need soldiers, and they don’t drop out of trees battle-ready.”

“Oh, I don’t know”, Finn snarled. “In the end it’s a matter of motivation. Maybe ask the former career criminal you’re dating what makes him throw his life into the line again and again?”

“Our POE?”

“Used to be a smuggler. In his defense, if I got that right, by the time he realized what company he’d fallen in with, he had been in too deep already to easily quit.”

“Oh, I can empathize with that! To some degree, at least.”

“Did you know that I wanted to run away? I wasn’t a defector to begin with, just a deserter. I wanted to stop doing your dirty work, but couldn’t commit to actively opposing it.”

“What? When did that happen?”

“Right before my past caught up with me, showing me the folly of my plan. I don’t know if that helps at all, but… those doubts concerning your decision? We all experienced that at some point, one way or another. Chances are you’ll run away and we’ll have to pull you out of some roadside ditch before all is said and done.”

“You fully expect that?”

“I’ve been there myself.”

Hux saw Finn let go of the speeder bike’s handlebar and reach for his blaster. That was an odd follow-up to what had sounded like encouragement up until now.

“Hey, hey! I’ll…”

Finn drew the weapon and almost without looking fired three shots in quick succession into the underbrush. Following the line of fire with his eyes, Hux now saw a person sized crimson-red object between the trees. It quickly dived behind a large rock, but another one that had been standing right next to it keeled over. And now it became apparent that those things were not just people-sized, but also people-shaped.

“Sith Troopers?”

“Two less now”, Finn confirmed. “The third dodged.”

“Did you feel them in the Force?”

“Haha, no! See, I relied on the sensors in my stormtrooper helmet for years. When I had them no longer at my disposal, I felt blind and deaf. But I quickly adapted, and now don’t need the aid anymore. My senses are much sharper than they were before.”

[...]

Four troopers emerged from the trees, a trio and the survivor of the first trio that Finn had attacked. Moving in formation, they kept pelting Finn’s and Hux’ bike with blaster shots, pinning it on the spot, unable to escape. The passengers slid off and dashed behind the nextbest tree. It was wide enough to provide cover for both of them and return the fire from there.

“Pinned behind a tree instead of a speeder bike is what we in the field call an improvement”, Finn snarked.

“You see me at my cheerfullest at the good news”, Hux replied. “So what next?”

“You can’t tell?”

“I usually point at stuff and then it explodes.”

“Well, we’re the extra steps between those two points.”

Finn reached around the tree and fired.

“Damn! Missed. – One on your side!”

Hux shot and scored what would have been a perfect hit. The Sith trooper, however, didn’t even notice it.

“The blaster is doing nothing!” Hux complained, after two more of his attacks had bounced harmlessly off the Sith armor, only for Finn to drop the target with a single shot.

“You have to hit the weak spots”, he told Hux, re-adjusted his aim and down went another Sith trooper.

“Which would be…?”

Finn gave no verbal answer, but the next moment Hux felt his vision blur. The two remaining Sith faded out, only a handful of points of interest on their bodies shone brightly.

“Can you see?”

“Yes, but…”

The highlighted targets were moving and additionally tried to shoot Hux while he took aim at them. The strategist simply lacked Finn’s trained reflexes and the Force couldn’t grant them to him the same way Finn used it to convey the armor’s weak spots to his companion. When he realized that his method wasn’t working, Finn retracted his mind and the world returned to normal. The Sith troopers had momentarily ceased their fire and retreated behind cover.

“Switch”, Hux whispered.

“Huh?”

“Switch sides with me, Finn! By now they should know that shots from your side mean death, while I’m harmless. I bet my revoked pension they’ll advance on my side any moment.”

“Okay.”

Finn maneuvered around Hux, who slid to the right. They waited a couple of breaths and indeed both remaining troopers approached from the direction that would have exposed them to Hux’ line of fire. Only now they met Finn’s instead and went down in short succession. The duo’s could have been a flawless victory, if not for Finn groaning:

“Ouch! One of the bastards hit me into the arm!”

“Sucks. I know you’re averse to arm injuries. Partial to the leg, weren’t you?”

Finn turned around, preparing to give a sharp retort, but the companion flashed him a genuine smirk.

“Battlefield banter. You do that in the Resistance. Did I get it right?”

“Uh… yes. Yes.”

“Alright.” Hux produced a neatly folded handkerchief from his pocket, folded it once more and pressed it on Finn’s wound, then secured it with a bandage.

“Whoa, you’re always prepared!”

Hux shook his head. Here, covered by the dead of night, hiding behind a bug-infested tree, he admitted to his fellow defector:

“Prepared for a variety of situations in which I have only a vague idea how to use the stuff I brought.”

There. He'd said it and was still alive.

[captainderyn]

Ooh can I contribute! I love horse psychology and don’t have a ton to coherently add but two things:

Context: I have a 7 y/o American mustang mare. She was born in the holding pens (aka she didn’t grow up wild) but mostly just sat in a field and was lightly restarted until almost two years ago when I started her as my dressage prospect. For those who don’t know about mustangs, they’re feral/wild horses and (in my opinion) have much stronger instincts and independence than your average domesticated horse. Despite never being truly wild, my mustang has the instincts that tell you she’d have been Boss Mare of her herd. What does that mean? She’s *incredibly* self aware, independent, and has incredible survival instincts for better or worse. If she thinks something poses a “risk” (in horse terms) to her, you have to work your butt off to prove its worth her while.

1) Communication is incredibly important with horses, especially very intelligent ones like my above described mare. When reading a book called “Connection Training” (highly recommend for my horse peeps), there was a section about greeting your horse instead of just pulling them from their field to groom/ride/whatever. They talked about how horses will walk up to each other and bump noses once or twice to start their interaction. So, I tried it with my mare. Walking into her field, holding out my fist. And what do you know, she bumped it! I’d stand for a minute, then try again in a “do you want to engage?” and most of the time she does! There’s a certain excitement to a horse when they realize you attempt to understand them.

2) Fear in horses can also sometimes be a body thing. In some mustangs they’ll be weird about their left side, as that’s the side they’re branded on. For my mare, her right side was very odd. She’d flip her shit if anything happened on that side. Yet, she wasn’t spooky or scared. You could do anything around her, the wind could be gusting (thanks Midwest) and she’d be fine, hell, big planes could fly low overhead to get back to the airport and she’d simply look up at them (first horse I’ve seen do that). But she couldn’t even *look* right despite there being nothing physically wrong. Turns out, for whatever reason, she had little to no bodily awareness on that side. We had to help her “unlock” that part of her body. And that’s been consistent with the rest of her training: everytime we try something new we have to either physically help her put her body there (such as yielding her throat latch) or position her body to where biomechanically she does it without thinking (right lead canter) otherwise, she thinks too hard and can’t do it. After that, permenantly unlocked like she’s done it for years. Biomechanics people, biomechanics!

Secret third thing: no, mares aren’t worse than geldings or more temperamental. They have hormone cycles, so some times of the month they’re more uncomfy, but people project human sexism and stereotypes onto mares an uncomfortable amount. My running theory is: mares historically were meant to take care of their bands and as such they’re independent thinkers and problem solvers and not so much followers. *GENERALLY* speaking, geldings are more eager to please and follow and most people’s issues with mares are because they don’t bother trying to understand equine behavior, communication, or hormone cycles and want to bully their way to what they want and in *my own personal experience* geldings are more yielding to this approach then mares.

Reading Recommendations:

Evidence Based Horsemanship- Martin Black and Stephen Peters (more neurology and biomechanical stuff)

Connection Training: Hannah Weston and Rachel Bedingfield

Me: I'm going to look at horse forums, I bet the drama there is so funny

Me after 4 hours of horse forums: Damn....those people really love and care about their horses...

[bitacrytic]

Bita I am feeling down. Please tell me your VP head canons :( ❤

I hope you feel better, Anon

I’ve done this before, but there’s always more to add. I might even repeat a few, but oh well.

1. Murder husbands. Goes without saying. No one should make either of these men stop killing.

2. I saw a beautiful fanart a while back of Pete buying Vegas a new hedgehog. I want this too, but this time, Pete should show up with a book on hedgehogs, so that Vegas learns about their life span and proper diet before he gets too attached to a pet with a four-year plan.

3. Pete transplants his entire major family training onto the minor family guards.

4. Vegas gets Macau and Chay their first guns. Porsche does not like this. In fact, Porsche isn’t too sure about Chay’s presences around the two most dubious Theerapanyakul boys. Kim thinks this is hypocritical, considering how he’s in the dog house for being mafia (among other things) But nobody says anything. 

5. Pete takes Vegas home, every December. His grandmother doesn’t understand their relationship, but she doesn’t fuss when Pete and Vegas insist on sleeping in the same room and in the same bed, or when she comes to wake them in the morning and finds them wrapped around each other.

6. Vegas is a screamer (iykyk)

7. Pete goes back to school. He starts as a freshman who has to go through all the hazing and everything. He’s a lot older than his mates, but nobody knows that. They all just know him as the smiley, giggly Pete who likes to run errands for the seniors. It’s not until his third year, as the class quiet boy, that some of his mates come across Pete with his subordinates, who are all carrying guns and standing around Pete, like he’s the most important person on the planet. The next day, when they try to bring it up, Pete tells them that he’s in a role playing community.

8. Vegas and Pete fuck beside a dead body. I don’t care if it’s on the battle field, or if one of them has just killed someone in the dungeon. *shrugs*

9. They’re a switch/vers couple. Because no one will convince me that Vegas ONLY tops, or that Pete doesn't boss him around, sexually. Vegas was into it when Porsche hit him. Yeah, that man is more into pain than Pete ever was. 

10. Therapy. Pete and Vegas have a woman they go to talk to, who they can tell everything without fear of incrimination. They tell her gory details of what’s been done to them, what they’ve done to others and what they’ve done to each other. They even tell her stuff they’ve never told each other. She digs right into their minds and actually helps them work through their shit, instead of pretending all is well or telling them what they want to hear.

11. Pete organizes “coincidences” so that Vegas has to spend time with his cousins. Vegas has since learned of Pete’s plans. He hates it, at first, but after a while, he just goes with it. Turns out, Kim is cool, Tankhun has moments of murderous genius ideas, and Kinn is still an asshole. 

12. They both live till like, 80 or 90. Pete gets some deteriorating disease that allows them a few moments, once in a while. But eventually, he succumbs to reality. Vegas finds him, dead in bed, one morning. He’d known this day was coming and he’d planned accordingly. So, he pulls out the drawer by the nightstand, pops a pill or two, drinks some water, cuddles Pete’s body in his arms, goes to sleep and never wakes up.

[adelheidvonschicksal]

182 Centimeters | Tall!F!Reader x Surprise

A great boon has been bestowed upon Aoi Todo. First, he got to meet Takada in person. Second, he gained a brother. Third, he was able to fight a special grade all in one month.

Is there anything else that could make this trip perfect?

Todo didn't think so until he lays eyes on you, standing in the middle of the hallway with luggage tucked under one arm and the other holding onto a rolling suitcase. He remembers now about Mai mentioning a late edition transfer student who was going to be joining in the school games a little late. He only wishes Mai had warned him about the other thing about you. The fact that you are an amazon in the flesh.

"She has to be 187," Todo thinks upon first seeing you and sizing you up from a respectable distance. "No, she's definitely closer to 185. Definitely, 185," he corrects as he tries to measure you by judging how far your head was away from the top door frame. When he glances down at your feet, he realizes his stupid mistake and smacks himself on the forehead. "I'm such an idiot. I forgot about her shoes." Taking your soles into account, he finally narrows down your height range. You have to be 182cm. An even 6 feet. That makes you taller than even Takada!

Todo's eyes widen upon the realization.

You had half his attraction factor right there; and with his help in training, you would definitely have the second half. He knows plenty of exercises that would make your ass look great and have the rest of your body strong enough to toss any curse. You guys could make training into dates, and dates would lead to the two of you making kissy faces. Aoi can already picture it. Naturally, you'd be admiring him, shirtless and glistening with sweat, unable to take your eyes off him. Then, you'd grow embarrassed when he would call you out on it and try to look away like you were never staring in the first place. Luckily for you, he wouldn't mind if you wanted to look at his chiseled chest a little while longer. Or better yet, touch it. 

Todo isn't sure what he's done to deserve such luck. Perhaps the world is rewarding him for finally breaking his record of 1000 sit-ups in an hour or maybe it's the limited-edition lucky Takada-chan charm that arrived in a mail a week earlier working its magic?

Either way, this might be the best year of his life, Todo decides.

That is until he hears a familiar voice. 

"Hey there! How are you doing?" Yuuji asks loudly as he walks up to your person. Todo should've known. Of course, his brother would sense best girl material walking into the building.

"My name is Yuuji. What's yours?"

"I'm (Name). I'm a new student here. I'm a little lost actually. Could you help me out?"

Even your voice sounds so cute! You were so perfect.

That means Yuuji had no chance with the way he was doing things now. Despite Todo wanting you for himself, he could never leave his brother to make such an embarrassment of himself. If the two of them are to battle for your love, it has to be a fair battle.

"Yeah, the dorms are thi—" Yuuji yelps as he's suddenly tugged away from you and dragged around the nearest corner, leaving you in a confused state where you stood.

"What’s the big idea?" Yuuji asks, breaking free from the grasp that held him.

"I'm trying to save you, brother! What do you think you're doing walking up to a woman like that so casually?" Todo asks.

It takes Yuuji a few seconds to realize that Todo meant you were the woman that couldn't be so casually spoken to since he's fairly sure you're a first-year like him. "I'm pretty sure she's the same age as us, dude."

This is worse than he thought. He's definitely going to have to give Yuuji the rundown on how to properly ask a girl out. "That doesn't matter. She's still a lady that requires finesse if you're going to try to ask her out," Todo says. 

Sadly, they are too busy in their discussion to notice you getting impatient for Yuuji to return or to notice another one of your classmates passing them and heading in your direction. You are just thankful to finally have someone help walk you to your dorm and not ditch you instead.

For the rest of the day, Yuuji is stuck with Todo lecturing in his ear. The first time being at the baseball game against the Kyoto school.

"First, you need to set the mood. And by mood, I mean you need to get her attention on you. Do something to impress her without her knowing you're trying to impress her," Todo instructs as you round home base on long legs, which Todo claims is made for a goddess. You were able to get a score for the team thanks to Fushiguro's sacrifice bunt, and the two of you take a seat in the dugout.

"Shouldn't you be helping your team?" Yuuji asks Todo after seeing him compliment your score. Todo sighs. Obviously, Yuuji needs more lessons. 

Eventually, Yuuji steps up to the plate for his turn. Naturally, he hits a home run. As he rounds home, he sees you applauding loudly. Your eyes perfectly on him. It definitely feels good to have a cute girl's attention, and Yuuji realizes that he did really want to ask you out. He wonders if Todo thinks that's a good way to set the mood.

The next time Todo decides to instruct Yuuji is after they all take their showers and decide to rest up before dinner. "Next, you need to leave a letter under her door. Something to pique her interest and make her want to meet up with you."

Luckily, Yuuji has seen this before in anime. "Right, right. I heard of that actually." He easily drafted a letter and slid it under your dorm door. It sounds like you're talking to someone else on the other side so Yuuji hopes you'll see it in time so the two of you can meet up in fifteen minutes.

"Finally, make sure the place you meet up is scenic," Todo says, nodding his head and closing his eyes to repeat the steps in his head as he follows his brother to the school's courtyard. Impress? Check. Letter? Check. Scenic meet-up place? Check.

It isn't until he feels Yuuji's hand on his shoulder and a quick thanks that Todo realizes his mistake. Yuuji rushes away from him to the other side of the courtyard where you're waiting with the letter in hand. 

"My name is Yuuji. I don't know if you remember me from class."

"Oh, yes, I know! You hit that homerun. It was really great."

Todo stands in shock. 

...He was so busy trying to teach that he actually forgot to pursue you first!

"Really? Thanks! I was just trying to make sure I actually hit it. I wasn't expecting it to go so far." Yuuji laughed. "So, (Name), I was wondering if you wanna go out together?"

Todo could cry. Actually, he already feels the tears coming down his face, but his brother could at least be happy. And if his brother is happy, that's all he needed!

"I'm sorry," you say sweetly. "I only showed up because I didn't want to stand you up, but the truth is I already like someone, and I wouldn't feel comfortable going out with someone when I have a crush on another person."

Todo's ears ring with your words. You already like someone!

"Oh, well, that's too bad, I guess. Thanks for telling me," Yuuji says with a disappointed yet understanding smile while Todo finds the opportunity to scoot in the middle of your conversation.

"Excuse me but your crush wouldn't happen to be on me by any chance?" he asks, hopeful.

You force a smile onto your face and tilt your head. "Sorry...Have we met?" you ask, nervously.

Todo gasps as he feels his world crashing down. Your date. Your marriage. Your kids. All gone, and it’s all black in his memory after that. The next thing he can recall is sitting in the eating area with Itadori. He remembers this heartache once before. "It's just like with Takada-chan..." he mumbles heartbrokenly.

"I told you already. We never went to the same middle school, and you never confessed to Takada," Yuuji grumbles, but Todo knows that Yuuji is only trying to make him feel better. He is so lucky to have such a good brother.

"Who...Who do you think it is anyway?"

Yuuji pauses.

He actually wonders that as well.

Then, they hear your voice ringing through the dining hall. Immediately, both sets of eyes are on you. 

"Fushiguro-kun, I wanted to thank you for helping me get settled into the academy. My mom gave me a buy one, get one free for a sushi place for when I made some friends, so...I was wondering if you wanted to be my plus one?"

Then, Yuuji finally gets it. He had been ignoring the small conversations happening around him the entire time thanks to Todo's interruptions.

The Hall.

"Excuse me. I'm looking for the dorms. Gojo-sensei was supposed to show me, but he got sidetracked so I've been sort of left on my own."

"Of course, he did. Geeze, that guy." Megumi sighs. "You can follow me. I'll show you where some empty rooms near the other girls are."

"Thank you so much! I'm (Name) by the way."

"Fushiguro," he states plainly and simply as you struggle behind him with your luggage. "Is that stuff heavy? Want me to help you carry it?"

”Yes. My arms got numb while I was waiting. Thank you so much!”

The Game.

"Out!" Gojo says. Fushiguro rounds first base to head back to the dugout, but you at least made it home to score. You head to the dugout as well.

"That's too bad, Fushiguro. You'll get it next time," you say, sitting next to him.

"As long as Kugisaki made it to second and you made it home then it's fine. I'm not really too hyped up on winning anyway."

”Oh. I was really looking forward to seeing you get one.”

”Too bad. Guess you’ll have to wait,” and by “wait” Megumi had meant probably not ever but you laughed anyway even though you had got what he meant. 

”I don’t mind waiting.”

The Dorms.

"Kugisaki-san said you could summon different shikigami animals."

"That's true."

"Would you mind showing me sometime? I love animals."

"What is your favorite?"

"I really like rabbits. Are you able to summon those?"

"Not at the moment, but I’ll show you when I learn it. How do you feel about dogs instead?"

”That cute dog was yours? That’s amazing.”

And now.

"Yeah, sure. I wasn't really in the mood for anything at school anyway," Fushiguro agrees, and your face lights up with a glow that could rival sunshine. Yuuji thinks if he squints he can see the anime hearts starting to dance over your head but Fushiguro didn't seem to mind.

Itadori could almost laugh. That's a new record in anyone ever befriending Fushiguro. The two of you must have hit it off really well. Yuuji smiles. In that case, he couldn't be upset. That must mean fate has something in store for you guys, and he didn't want to get in the way. "I guess girls really do like that cool, quiet type."

Meanwhile, Todo is crying in defeat. How could a woman like you like Fushiguro? 

"He's so boring though..."

[lestcat-de-lioncourt]

I have been invited to be a unicorn before and it can go terribly if it’s a couple who seem to only value what they want and not the third person at all. Nor their feelings, or anything, even going at faster paces that wasn’t consented to and used as a toy without being asked if it’s okay to be a toy.

I’ve had women and men, trans and cis approach me knowing I’m poly and expect me to leave my partner, or cheat with me, alarming me greatly, making me feel really uncomfortable and abusing my emotions or punish me if I don’t. Or, they’d now “dislike me” and start messing around with my friendships, or refusing to allow my partner to be around at all (not sex or anything to do with that or them participating with us as that must be asked if that’s ok, or if they wanted or vice versa, just like, annoyed them even existing with me was bad apparently even at social events I’d generally bring my partner to, but they were there first so??) or threaten to leave me/leave me but they could totally have their own partners otherwise, or because they just wanted me alone even though they knew I wouldn’t leave my partner when they approached me and I’d only be looking for more partners, and not changing primary partners. Though I see all my partners as equal in how I love them but I’m referring in my case to my longest relationship I’m currently in as “primary partner”. They come with the monogamous approach because these people tended to actually be monogamous playing along until they did stuff with me, got me emotionally invested, then seemingly tricked me into having only them (them or me) and becoming monogamous. It’s fine to not want a poly partner, but then don’t get one, no matter how much you’re crushing??

And then the couples come along trying to get a one night stand, usually end up involving the third party in a lot of emotional stress if they fight about it after, and rejection with false promises that they never intended to keep because of the approach of “the third person in the threesome means nothing compared to you my love” approach.

I’ve had women telling me to have sex with their partners and opting out (perfectly fine) but then afterwards saying nobody cares about them, directing hatred towards me, then spreading rumours I’m stealing them when they didn’t want to participate and TOLD us to do stuff, constantly, in front of her, in her own bed (which was ?? but I don’t really care if someone I love preferred to watch today and not participate but I know that’s not always cool for everyone). Claiming to be poly, but didn’t want to do anything unless I was doing only with her, getting angry during activities to the other partner if they did anything instead/as well, but then didn’t when we were alone. She cheated on us in the end with my abusive ex, so there we go I guess, and constantly cheated in our place without asking either of us, and finding her in bed with random people, no consent, breaking arranged rules to suit her, no communication, just cheating all the time. That damaged me for years because I couldn’t understand what the hell was being done to me I was being told I was “loved”, it was my first poly relationship and vulnerable and it was misused because I think they were just searching for a toy, at least one was anyway.

I keep having people cow boy me, and I don’t want it, really don’t. It hurts like f!

Don’t even get me started on married people that lie that their partner is consenting to them being poly but they never did (had that on two occasions) and then I get the directed obsessive hate of the partner, ruining the friendship with the partner, etc. when it was their partner hurting both people for selfish purposes.

People forget as well no two poly relationships are the same, and some date separately as people don’t automatically have the same type, and don’t fall for the same people, or one person might be queer, and the other straight, or asexual, prefer only sexual things not with romance, or prefer long term dynamics or plenty of other ways. Likewise different rules for people exist, because, consent, preferences and boundaries.

You can’t just expect multiple people without question could suddenly all get together. Some people prefer meeting partners as well to get to know the person and people involved, some prefer not to know and leave it as that and prefer to just experience their time together totally separately as arranged and communicated about. They should’ve stated that that was what they were looking for.

I had someone who said they were poly before dating my primary partner and just wanted one night stands seemingly from various people, not caring about ditching them or upsetting them or doing stuff in front of the dropped people who obviously got upset when they were suddenly abandoned, yet when I communicated them I’d be heading off to date other people as well, he didn’t like that even though he didn’t really care in the first place until then what I did once he was laid. So he left. Still friends, kinda, but never going there again. He was actually open or something I think and wasn’t poly and preferred being single it seemed, like just bachelor style stuff. I didn’t appreciate the whole lying about being poly thing (maybe ignorant, don’t know, but don’t say you’re something when you having even researched it properly kinda how everyone says they’re Daddy but has no idea about the first thing about that and practising properly) yet condemning it if another person opts to. If you’re someone who’s poly who wants multiple partners and strictly monogamous partners to themselves only, they need to be specific about that and ask if that’s what the other wants to do. But up until then it was “we’re open yaa”.

FWBs are cool too, but if they also push something I didn’t agree to, not ok, as I ended up having them try get involved only with my partner when we said we both didn’t want to do things anymore, or I of him said please stop and she’d still try again with the other him or me in private msg/alone, or force us to have her over and get too handsy with one of us when we agreed to keep it platonic. She then burnt my couch sooo, I don’t know what happened but we had to stop because she was seemingly “trying to make the other person jealous on purpose” a lot, when neither of us felt jealous about it, so we were both confused, but it was upsetting for a friend to try wedge like that. Had the wedge thing happen a bit with people who won’t respect the poly thing. Like, this isn’t cheating? We aren’t gonna cheat? We literally both like you and you like both of us??? But she went into another poly couple and ruined their relationship right after so it wasn’t about us.

Literally, I constantly say, please take time to communicate with your partners, what you like, come to terms that work for both parties, set boundaries too or people will get hurt, and try and explain to people who don’t understand properly who are showing interest a little bit about it, or options, then working on it together to figure out what we’re all comfortable with. Trickery is horrible, and it’s the poly person that will get the societal alienation if a married person starts lying as they can be like “see! This poly person is [degrading terms to do with being promiscuous or cheating]!!!” And carry on their merry way doing it again and again having affairs sadly with vulnerable people or people they’ve lied to, or left with a partner who now is struggling and doesn’t feel good enough because their partner is lying and trying to cheat constantly.

Literally I see people like that no matter if I crush or not it’s like “if I dated you anyway, my mental health would end up a pile of garbage I can’t bothered with all that lying cheating shi” and I won’t touch with a bargepole until direct consent from their partner/partners because if they’re doing that to others, lying, hiding stuff, lying to partners, hiding stuff, they’re almost certainly doing it to you as well, no matter how much they “totally love u”. I’ve turned down every person who tries involve me in being some kind of hidden side piece, their partner is a damn human being not to mention I am as well haha. Oh and the kinda couple who lie they’ve been poly before but they seem like they so haven’t and they also target us as a “third wheel” or become toxic and abusive, clearly fighting so evidently the partner wasn’t actually that up for it as some people commit anyway scared their partner will just leave them if they don’t let them be with another person. Also, I say third wheel because that’s how they behave even tho it was their own decision lol. Either that or they were toxic to the last people as well.

Just, I wish poly people a very happy day and to not have to deal with all the ones who prioritise only themselves and not treat us like we don’t get a say/mistreat us!

Poly is not the same as your partner cheating on you, stop associating us as such, it’s discriminatory and defamation of character! Poly people can absolutely cheat, anyone could cheat. Cheaters sometimes disguise themselves as poly people, same as people who just prefer sleeping around (do you! poly means different things to different people but usually sleeping around isn’t to do with making sure everyone agrees you’re more just unattached) rather than polyamory, some people don’t really know what it means and think they are, and are not, but that sometimes takes time to figure out.

The clear rule is consent for all parties. If that is missing, it’s not happening. I’m sick of being accosted by people of all genders who just want to use me to cheat, or who are forcing their partners to agree to it, then try lying to me that they’re okay with it, which still is not consent for me or them. Or if their partner says no, they still continue to accost me. Like, me and your partner are that invaluable to your selfish self centred ass? We are people. It mentally harms me as well, but poly people don’t usually get any sympathy for cheaters entering our spaces in sheep’s clothing. We always apparently deserve it or 100% agreed to it or “wasn’t lied to bc they are just sex demons” because of the monogamous leading ignorant societal assumptions and force feeding of the money grabbing business of marriage (marriage is all well and good, but it’s used as profit and to gain millions of pounds of coin all year round so it wouldn’t be “beneficial” if more people were like hmm maybe not marriage as it’s illegal to marry multiple people). There’s nothing wrong with loving numerous people, you can’t help nor stop that, just like we love multiple friends at once. But it’s how you navigate that, so don’t be in a monogamous relationship if you can’t/will cheat instead of trying out polyamory with only consenting parties.

Likewise, respect if poly people get into a monogamous relationship, respect if a someone who was in a monogamous relationship comes out as poly and stop judging them. I’ve had people try pressure me into not being faithful “because you used to be poly” babe I still am, but I still don’t want to experience that right now! I literally needing to focus on other things! And you can bet I won’t consider you again if you can’t respect my boundaries or consent because that would not turn into a partner who values me. I’ve also had people apply monogamous norms of jumping to the next parter/breaking up with the last, to me, with me somehow needing to leave my primary partner in order to be with them in a monogamous relationship? Like what? What??? Why’re your fishing in poly pools for a new mono partner???

And no it’s a lie if you think jealousy is impossible either. Everyone gets jealous. The point is once again, communication, consent, and trying to understand your partners needs.

[readerstories]

I’m sorry- Aaron Hotchner x gn!reader

Idk if angry was the emotion you wanted, but for some reason that is what I was feeling like writing this time. Also, I cannot keep stuff with Hotch short apparently. (AO3)

Warnings/tags: established relationship, angst, fighting, hurt/comfort, Hotch being an ass, happy ending

Wordcount: 2696

Request: I was wondering if you could do a hotch x BAU!reader where Hotch says something in the heat of an argument and the reader gets super emotional and Hotch just tries to apologize and make it up to reader. Thank you💕💕

Sometimes, injuries happen at work.

You had done a quick assessment in the field, making a hard decision when you needed to. Going in without much backup had been a risk you chose to take.

Being hit in the head with an old briefcase that has metal edges had not been a possibility you had foreseen, but it happened anyways.

You had rounded a corner in the unsub’s home, gun raised and yelling his name, and he had gotten a good knock on your forehead. You had been dazed for a few seconds, but managed to tackle him and cuff him anyway, reading him his rights as you did so.

The hard edge of the briefcase had hit your forehead, making a small gash, which was not deep, but it was bleeding quite a bit like head wounds tend to do. It’s running down your face as you get the unsub up on his feet, so you have to close your left eye and wipe at it as you lead the cuffed man outside.

Once outside you hand him over to an officer, who gives your head a glance, but doesn’t ask as you turn away from him as he starts to lead the unsub towards a car.

Rossi spots where he’s talking to Hotch and the police chief and points towards the ambulance standing close. You nod, and wipe at your face with the edge of your jacket sleeve, catching Hotch turning around to look at you too, but you don’t catch the worried look in his eyes.

Walking over to the ambulance, you’re guided to sit on the back as one of the paramedics cleans you up.

Even though it looked bad with the blood, the clean up goes quick, and they say you won’t even need stitches.

And luckily no concussion either.

A few butterfly strips get applied to your forehead and you are allowed to go with a promise that you will take it easy for at least a day or two.

You’re asked if you have anyone to stay with just in case and you nod as an answer, the adrenaline of it all wearing off as you stand up and yawn. The paramedic smiles and wishes you good night, you do the same to them.

Joining Aaron at his car, he doesn’t say anything, his mouth in a thin line as he looks at the strips now adorning your forehead. Both of you had agreed from the start to keep PDA to a minimum at work, but you wish he would at least say or do something.

Ask you if you’re fine.

Hold your hand maybe.

Comment on how you should change out of your bloodied jacket.

Something.

Something other than the stony silence that follows you into the car.

It takes a few minutes of Aaron driving towards Quantico before anything is said.

“You were reckless.”

“I made a decision on the spot and it backfired a little, yes, but I was hardly reckless.”

“If he had a gun-”

“I would have disarmed him or shot him first.”

“You couldn’t stop a briefcase, you think you could do a gun?” Getting irritated, you glare at Aaron.

“Yes.” You grit out.

“You sure?”

“Aaron, what the fuck is this?” You see him clench at the wheel, his knuckles turning whiter as he concentrates on driving for a few seconds before answering you.

“You need a debrief.”

“Yes, from Rossi, at the office, not like this.” He scoffs, glancing at you briefly before locking his gaze back on the road. You see his jaw clench, but he doesn’t answer you, so you don’t say anything either.

Neither of you speak again until you’re back at headquarters. Aaron beelines for his office, and you’re hot on his heels, not paying any attention to the rest of the team already gathered at the bullpen.

“Aaron-” You try to speak as you close the door behind you, but he interrupts you.

“You should take a week off.” You stare at him as he rummages through some papers on his desk, not even looking at you as he speaks. “One paid week off should do you good. After all this.” He gestures at you and finally looks away from the papers again.

“Hotch, if this was anyone else, you would let them come back after a day to sleep in.” Aaron sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t have to explain my reasoning to you.” His voice is angry, but simmering with tiredness just beneath the surface.

The silence in the room as you don’t even give an answer to the statement is deafening. There’s a look in your eyes that he never wished to see directed at him.

Ice cold anger. Mixed with disappointment, and something else he can’t quite place. Sadness perhaps?

You unclip your gun from your holster, placing it on his desk with your badge.

“See you in a week, Hotchner.” The use of his full last name hurts, you might as well have used bullets.

You don’t let him give you any response to your statement, opening the door and striding out of his office, not slamming the door behind you as much as you want to. Your steps down to you desk are fast, as fast as they can be without fully running.

You gather your things quickly, ignoring the rest of your team.

Morgan tries to stop you with a hand on your shoulder, but you evade him with a glare, making him back off.

All the things you need on your person, you’re out of the glass door seconds later. You slam on the elevator button, debating on just taking the stairs to run off some steam while also getting out of here.

Rossi joins you as you wait, and you hear him open his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

“If you try to say something to get me to stay, I swear to god, I will put you on the ground.” Your words and glare makes Rossi’s eyebrows rise, but he keeps his mouth shut and takes a few steps away from you.

Finally the elevator doors open and you get in, pushing the button for the parking garage and the button to close the door faster in quick succession. With one last glare at the bullpen the elevator door closes in front of your face.

While you try your damnedest to set a new speed record for leaving the building, Rossi goes back to the bullpen, where the rest of the team sends him questioning glances.

“What even happened?” Morgan wonders out loud. “I’ve never seen them so angry before.”

“I don’t know.” Rossi is looking at Hotch, who is moving around in his office, partly shielded by the blinds. Everyone is looking between each other and Hotch’s office, the first one daring to go up there ends up being Rossi.

He knocks softly on the door with a knuckle, making Hotch look up from where he is standing next to his desk and reading some paperwork in his hand.

“You want to talk?” Hotch scoffs, putting the papers down on the desk.

“I’m fine.” Rossi closes the door behind him.

“But they clearly weren’t, so come on, spill. What did you do?” Hotch clenches his jaw, sparing a glance down at the bullpen, where the rest of the team tries to pretend they’re busy.

“I told them to take a paid week off, they protested, I insisted.” Hotch sighs as Rossi scoffs.

“For such a smart man you sure are dumb sometimes.” Hotch’s head snaps back by the comment, looking like he wants to answer and defend himself, but Rossi holds up a hand to stop him.

“You messed up. You must have known telling them to take a week off just for this was a bad call.”

“I didn’t.” Hotch's eyes are like steel, but there’s hurt hiding behind, if it’s at Rossi’s words or your actions he doesn’t know.

“But it was. Fuck Aaron, what are you even still doing here?” Hotch squints his eyes at Rossi, who throws his hands up into the air.

“You should be running after them and begging them to forgive you for doing the wrong thing. Preferably with their favorite flowers and candy in hand, or some sort of gesture, because this-” He gestures at Hotch and your gun and badge on his desk, “Is not good for anyone.” Hotch watches him for a few seconds.

“Rossi-”

“Just go Aaron.” Seemingly making up his mind, Hotch gathers his stuff, only stopping right next to Rossi and giving him a glance.

“I-” Rossi pats Hotch’s shoulder.

“Someone had to knock some sense into you. Go.” Hotch nods, out the door in seconds. The team watches him go, neither of them saying anything before Hotch is gone and Rossi joins them in the bullpen.

“They going to be okay?” Morgan asks.

“Let’s hope so.” Rossi answers, staring at the glass doors.

“I hate when people fight.” Garcia says quietly as Morgan pulls her into a side-hug.

----

You don’t know if you should even be driving right now, but can’t find it in yourself to care or think too much about it.

You just need to get somewhere where you can be alone and clear your head. Somewhere there’s less people and more open space.

And lucky for you, you know just the spot.

Almost on auto-pilot, you drive your truck away from work, heading out on the main road, not driving for long until you turn onto a small side road. It can barely even be called that, small and uneven as it is, but it’s no problem for you truck where you drive it with sure hands.

You end up in a clearing near the water, a small beach barely touched or seen by anyone else, except maybe the occasional hiker. You debate going down to the water, but instead you park your truck with its back towards it, flipping the tailgate down so you can sit on it.

Jumping up to sit on the tailgate, you pull out the newly bought pack of smokes and lighter from your pocket. You had quit years ago, but tonight seems like a good idea for bad habits, you think to yourself as you light one.

Taking a drag, you can already tell you will regret it later with the aftertaste you know it leaves, but you continue smoking nonetheless. 

Turning some old candy wrapper in your pocket into an improvised ashtray and putting it on the right side of you, one cigarette turns into two, soon morphing into a third.

It’s just seconds after lighting your forth cigarette that you hear another car approach. Which is odd, because you were certain few people know about this place, but you’re not too worried, your private gun resting in the back of your pants a comforting weight.

The car rounds the last bend of the small road, coming to a stop not too far from you, lights illuminating your truck and the beach beyond. Turning to look, you’re almost blinded by the lights, but they are quickly shut off as the car is turned off, and you realize you know the car.

Aaron’s car.

You snort.

The trip out here from the main road couldn’t have been comfortable for his car, or for Aaron.

Good.

You turn back around just as the driver door starts to open, and you ignore the sound of Aaron’s steps in the dirt in favor of taking another drag of your cigarette and staring into the water.

Aaron comes around your truck, leaning against your truck’s tailgate on your left, keeping his distance. He places a plastic grocery bag in the space between you. It makes a dull thud and despite you trying to ignore it, you find yourself curious.

“Peace offering.” Aaron explains as you eye the bag. You reach over and push at the top of the bag so you can peek inside. A couple of your favorite snacks, drinks, and a DVD with the logo of a movie you had talked about wanting to see. You push the bag behind you into the truck bed, taking another drag of your cigarette.

“How did you find me?” You don’t look at Aaron just yet, but you can tell he is looking at you.

“You told me about this place a few months ago and how you go here to relax sometimes and I- I just thought with how I acted-” Aaron sighs. He holds out his hand just in your field of vision, gesture clear. You give him your cigarette, watching him for the first time since he arrived as he takes a drag, letting the smoke lazily spill out from his lips with practiced ease.

“Didn’t take you for a smoker.”

“I had a phase in college.” He offers, taking another drag before giving the cigarette back to you. You take a drag yourself, letting the silence linger for a moment before you speak.

“You know you were being stupid.”

“Yes.” You’re just slightly surprised with how there is no hesitation in the one-word answer, but you’re a little content as well.

“If it had been anyone else in the team you wouldn’t have reacted that way.” Aaron sighs, putting his arms back on the tailgate, using them as leverage to hoist himself up so he’s sitting on the tailgate too, still keeping his distance.

“No one else in the team are you.” You wait for him to say more, taking a last drag of your cigarette, putting it out with the three others in the candy wrapper.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron admits, but you still don’t say anything. “I was acting and thinking like your significant other, and not your boss. I let my worry get the best of me, and I tried to find a way to shield you from any further harm in what little way I could by telling you to take a week off.” You nod, at least seeing his reasoning a bit clearer now.

“I’m not taking it.”

“You are but-” He holds up a hand before you can protest and glare at him too hard “-but so am I.” You blink, staring at him for a few seconds.

“You are?” He nods, and you lean forward to place the back of your hand on his forehead. He almost jolts at your touch, but doesn’t move away.

“What are you doing?”

“Checking if you have a fever.” Hotch scoffs, but a small smile peaks through as you let your hand fall down. He felt fine, and other than looking a bit tired and very sorry, he looks fine too.

Hotch takes your hand in his, bringing it up to kiss your knuckles and you can’t help the fond smile on your face.

“I’m sorry.” He offers up again, letting go of your hand in favor of moving closer so he can put an arm around your waist and lean his head on your shoulder as you look at the water again. You hum, turning your head ever so slightly so you can kiss the top of your head. You can’t see the little shy smile on Aaron’s face, but you can almost hear it in his almost hopeful voice as he speaks.

“Does that mean I’m forgiven?” You hum, moving your hand to rest on his knee.

“Mostly. But you are the only one doing chores this week.”

“That’s alright with me, as long as I get to spend time with you.” His hand on your jaw turns your head towards him, letting him give a brief kiss to your lips, and then a feather light one just below the butterfly strips on your forehead.

“You’re a fool Aaron.”

“I’m only a fool for you.”

“Cheesy.” You roll your eyes at him with a smile as you get down from the tailgate, Aaron joining you, standing close so he can give you another kiss.

“Always.” He says with a grin, making his eyes light up and you can’t help but kiss him.

[asthmark]

❝ 10 things i know about you ❞ l.jn

synopsis → there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

request → “if you're still accepting requests, can u make a domestic roommate!jeno? 🥺🥺 thank you and have a nice dayyy”

word count → 7.1k (bruhhh)

sharing an apartment with lee jeno isn’t ideal.

it’s not that he’s a lousy roommate or that you disliked him in any way; you just didn’t know him. you had first met through a mutual friend. they knew jeno was looking for someone to split rent with and that you happened to need a place to stay. they promised you he would give you privacy and assured jeno you were excellent roommate material. with that, arrangements were made and soon enough you moved in together. of course, it was a bit awkward at first but you two eventually got used to each other’s presence. although you were never in the same room for too long and oftentimes went days without speaking, you coexisted.

for a long time, you only knew a couple things about your roommate. for example, you were aware of his strong love for cats, especially his pet calico, seol. you also knew he kept the freezer stocked with pizza rolls that he would use as energy when he stayed up all night playing video games.

what you didn’t know, however, was that you would be spending the next couple months locked in your apartment with him. on top of that, you would begin to learn more things about him—his life, his personality, his feelings.

there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

       1. he’s a heavy sleeper.

at 10:28 in the morning you find yourself seated at the dining table in the kitchen, spooning froot loops into your mouth. as you stuff your face, you scroll through your phone for entertainment. you decide to open instagram first but you quickly find that to be a mistake. as soon as you open the app a picture of lucas and who you thought was his ex-girlfriend greets you. if that was bad, the caption hits you like a ton of bricks.

@lucas_xx444: should have never left you

in only five words, lucas has completely erased the months you spent dating. it meant nothing to him. sure, things hadn’t ended things the best way but going right back to his toxic ex and even admitting to missing her—now that was a new low. was this his way of getting back at you? his way of making you hurt just like he had throughout your entire relationship? the thought alone leaves you feeling sick.

you decide you’ve already had enough social media for one morning so you decide to check your messages instead. your friends usually left a couple of them overnight. to your surprise, you find that your main group chat has accumulated 241 messages.

[10:48 am] you: good morning i see u guys have been vry chatty

[10:49 am] yeji: ur finally awake!

[10:50 am] yuna: we thought u died lol

[10:50 am] lia: YUNA

[10:50 am] lia: NO

[10:51 am] ryujin: the timing for that joke could not be worse

[10:52 am] yuna: humor is my coping mechanism leave me alone

[10:52 am] you: ??? what happened

[10:53 am] chaeryeong: we left msgs for a reason dummy read them!!

[10:53 am] you: umm there’s over 200 and im not abouta read all that

[10:54 am] yuna: well then lemme break it down

[10:54 am] yuna: the world is ending :)

[10:55 am] you: welp it was about time

[10:55 am] lia: why r u guys like this

[10:56 am] yeji: there’s been a covid-19 outbreak and it’s spreading like wildfire so the government issued a stay at home order :/

[10:57 am] you: omg WHAT

[10:57 am] ryujin: ikr it’s crazy we literally can’t go anywhere

[10:57 am] chaeryeong: and we can’t get boba today either ;( i was so looking forward to that

[10:58 am] ryujin: let’s pls take a moment of silence for all the current and future boba dates that will have to be cancelled

[10:59 am] yuna: no way am i gonna let some wannabe flu make me go boba-less i’m still going out >:(

[10:59 am] lia: ...ur joking right

[10:59 am] yeji: what color casket do u want yuna?

before the groupchat can distract you any further, you place your phone down on the table. you sit back in your chair and let the newly revealed information sink in.

you were stuck inside.

you sigh before standing to clean your dishes. as you’re scrubbing away at your bowl, you feel something brush against your leg. you smile, not even having to look down to know it was seol. the cat would often wander into your room or sleep next to you when you watched tv on the couch. in fact, you were pretty sure you spent more time with seol than his owner.

you gaze at jeno’s room. as always, the door is shut. you wonder if you should let him know what was happening. you two usually kept your distance but you figured that the circumstance you found yourself in was an exception. you quickly dry your hand and shuffle towards his room.

you knock once, quite softly. you assume he’s asleep so you try again, this time a little harder. still, no avail. the third time you put even more force into it. by this time, seol has found his way beside you and claws at the door.

“jeno?” you knock a fourth time. “jeno! lee jeno!”

after more shouting accompanied by incessant meowing, you hear some muffled movement. moments later the door knob twists open and there stands your roommate with disheveled hair and a robe that had obviously just been thrown on his body. seol has taken the open crack in the door as an invitation inside the bedroom.

jeno blinks a couple times as he watches the feline get himself comfortable on his bed. he turns back to you, looking slightly disoriented. you’re not sure if he’s half asleep or your sudden presence has thrown him for a loop. his voice comes out raspy when he asks, “was he, um, bothering you or something?”

you shake your head, vigorously. “that’s not why i came. it’s just that my friends told me that there’s been some kind of virus outbreak and we’re supposed to stay home. so, i thought i’d let you know.”

his face softens. “oh, cool.” suddenly, the look changes. “not the virus thing! that’s totally not cool. i meant, it’s cool that you let me know and stuff. you just saved me a huge freak out so, uh, thank you.”

you smile and nod. “no problem.”

jeno’s eyes linger as you retreat back into your room down the hall. the sound of his door shutting is heard only once you’re out of his eyesight.

   2.    he can cook better than you.

most of the time, you would go out to eat dinner with your friends in the evenings or at least stop by a drive thru. obviously, this was no longer possible in the midst of a pandemic. you found that to be incredibly frustrating as you sat on your bed, stomach empty. no matter how badly you wished to fix it, your laziness had gotten the best of you. apart from that, you already knew how unlucky you were when it came to cooking—the memory of burning noodles at lia’s house one night had been permanently seared into your brain.

you almost believe your mind is playing tricks on you when you catch a whiff of pasta in the air. for a moment you think it’s your next door neighbor, taeyong, cooking again. you knew he was quite the chef. but, the smell is getting stronger by the second and you decide it must be in your apartment.

you wander into the kitchen, only to find jeno standing over the stove. he’s stirring red sauce in a pot when he notices you watching him.

“oh, hey,” he greets with a polite wave.

you can only stare at the rest of the kitchen—pots, pans, and ingredients all over the place—in utter awe.

he chuckles, awkwardly. “yeah, sorry about the mess. i’ve been told i’m a decent cook but i can never seem to get the tidiness down.”  

“no, it’s not that. this just all seems so... professional.” you sniff the air once more. “smells amazing, too.”

he smiles, sheepishly. “thanks. are you a fan of spaghetti?”

you nod.

“good. i wanted to make something you’d like.”

“you really didn’t have to,” you say, leaning against the fridge. “i mean, i’ve never done anything for you.”

he uncovers a pot to check on the pasta. you watch as hot steam rises out of it. “what about this morning?”

you can’t help but laugh. “that most certainly does not count. you’re making an entire meal. that takes a lot of effort.”

he waves a hand, dismissively. “i used to cook a lot with my old roommate, doyoung. the guy was an asian gordon ramsey, i swear. so, yeah, this is nothing too crazy. and i really do enjoy it.”

“well, i’m still gonna repay you.” you fold your arms.

he looks away from his dish to raise a brow. “is that so?”

you nod in confirmation. “definitely.”

“tell you what, if you wash the mountain of dishes that are gonna be left over, we’ll be even.”

you stare at the sink that’s already overflowing with dirty kitchen tools. that wasn’t even half of it. “uh, sure, sounds good.”

he laughs at hearing the uncertainty in your voice. “that’s the spirit.”

   3.    he’s allergic to cats.

the familiar sound of soft purring is what pulls you attention away from the movie playing on your laptop. already knowing exactly who it is, you launch yourself off your bed to allow your furry guest inside.  

“hey seol. what’ve you been up to?”

the calico meows, almost as if he were responding to your question. you close your door and go back to your original position. you notice seol sitting directly in front of your bed, looking up at you with wide eyes.

“come on up.” you pat your sheets, invitingly.

he obeys and stretches before laying down beside you.

“have you ever watched ‘avengers’?” you ask, eyes going back to the explosive fight scene on the screen.

this time, seol doesn’t even bother humoring you with a meow. he stays silent with his head tucked into his paws.

you scratch his head and his tail wiggles. “i’ve gotta stop asking you questions.”

both you and seol’s heads snap towards the door when you hear a knock.

“come in!” you call out.  

jeno swings open the door. his eyes briefly scan the room before landing on the furball on your bed. the unmistakable look of adoration shines in his eyes when he sees how lovingly you caress him.

“seol! what are you doing in here? bothering y/n?” the cat jumps off your bed and towards his owner standing in your doorway. jeno scoops him into his arms and faces you. “i’m so sorry. he saw me running a bath for him and bolted.”

“it’s all good. he’s a great movie buddy. besides, i could always use the company.”

jeno curiously glances at your computer screen. “is that ‘avengers’?”

“yep. i’ve seen it like a dozen times.”

“same here.“ he pauses. “hey, if you ever need a movie buddy—like you know, one that talks—just let me know.”

your face lights up. “i’m gonna hold you to that.”

”i hope so. well, if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta give this guy a bath.”

seol yowls as if he understands the meaning behind the words and attempts to escape jeno’s grip.    

“here we go again,” he mumbles under his breath.

you snicker at the sight. “looks like you could use some help.”

“oh, no. it’s fine. he can just be a little bratty someti—seol!”

in the blink of an eye, the feline has successfully hopped out of his arms and made a run for it.

jeno gives you an exasperated look before rushing off to catch his runway pet. you find yourself caught up in the excitement so you follow him, the two of you now in pursuit of the calico. you’re sure the image of you both chasing the fluffy animal around the apartment looks like something straight out of a comedy. even you and jeno can’t contain your laughter when he finally catches seol only for him to slip out of his hold a second later. this exact situation repeats itself a couple times before you finally get lucky.

“i got him!” you screech. “jeno! oh my god! what do i do?”

“bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!” he chants in response.

you head in that direction with jeno trailing behind you, ready to catch seol if he somehow manages to get out of your death grip. you bend over the bathtub, slowly lowering the cat into the water. it’s clear he doesn’t have a problem with making a fuss as he wails and flails his limbs around.

after a while, he finally calms down enough that you can lather him in shampoo. jeno insists on scrubbing him, arguing that you had already done way too much. you sit back on your heels, observing the way the seol leans into his delicate touches.

“looks like he likes it now.”

“he likes to make a big deal but he ends up enjoying it every—“ jeno cuts himself off with a sneeze.

“tissue?” you offer.

he shakes his head. “that’s okay, thanks. i’m used to it. i’m just surprised my allergies haven’t acted up ‘til now.”

“allergies?” you echo.

“yeah, i’m allergic to—“ another sneeze. “cats.”

your eyes widen. “really? and you still have seol?”

“i could never get rid of him. he’s too good of a boy. isn’t—“ sneeze. “that right?” he tickles seol under his chin.

“wow. you must really love him.”

“so much.”

“he’s lucky to have you.”

“what about you? you get both of us. doesn’t that make you the luckiest?”

you snort. “i guess it does.”

   4.    he makes a good shopping buddy.

“i have officially cooked everything we have.”

“i can order some takeout, if you want?”

he juts his lower lip out and gives you puppy eyes. “but i like to cook for you.”

you laugh at his expression. “oh god, you look like that one pouty emoji people use when they try to be cute.”

he sits up. “did it work?”

you nod and pinch his cheek.

he yelps. “ah, stop! you’re acting like my grandma!” he manages to get out of your grasp. he rubs his face, soothing the spots you had squeezed. “seriously, though, we really do need to stock up on food.”

“i’ve already been looking into it.” you show him the screen of your phone. “says here you can still go shopping as long as you wear a mask and try to stay six feet away from other shoppers.”

he cringes. “i don’t know if i like the idea of being so close to so many people.”

“i can go by myself, then,” you suggest with a shrug.

he doesn’t hesitate to deny you. “no way are you going alone.” his possessive tone has you staring at him curiously so he adds, “you know, in case you can’t reach something on the top shelf.”

the teasing comment paired with his innocent smile makes you gasp in disbelief. “lee jeno! that’s low! and to think i almost thought you were worried about me.”

“who said i wasn’t?” he smiles at you again before standing up. “i’m going to find us some masks and then we can head out.”  

once you arrive at your local grocery store, you find it to be packed. everyone seems to be in a hurry, grabbing things left and right.

“wow, it’s already gotten crazy,” jeno mumbles, stopping to stare at the flood of people that rush by.

you don’t hesitate to scold him. “well, don’t just stand there! we gotta get our stuff before there’s nothing left!”

without another word you slip into the frenzy of people. jeno struggles to stay behind you. after almost losing sight of you a couple times, he walks a little faster to catch up and places his arm firmly around your waist once he does. you look up at him, your mask covering your slightly agape mouth.

being the gentleman he is, he apologizes. “sorry but i don’t want us to get separated.”

you can only nod and mumble, “good idea.”

jeno pushes the shopping cart with his right hand and holds your figure with his left. once in a while, you’ll break apart from each other to grab an item you need but once it’s in the cart, he’ll make sure you end up in the same position. after an hour or so, you’ve grabbed enough and you decide it’s time to pay.

despite the mask she has on, you can tell the middle-aged woman behind the cash register has a big smile on her face once she catches sight of you and your roommate.

“well, just look at you two.” she sighs. “how cute.”

“oh.” you glance at her then jeno then her again. “oh, no. it’s not like that.”

you attempt to move yourself away from jeno only to find his grip to be so incredibly strong that you almost begin to think he’s trying to hold you in place. once you finally detach yourself from him, you begin loading your groceries onto the counter for the employee to scan. she does so, but not before giving you a displeased look.  

“oh really? he holds you like that because you aren’t together?”

jeno assists her in placing the scanned items in bags. “i didn’t want to lose her.”

she pauses scanning a can of tuna to stare him down. “darling, that sounds like a line from a cheesy hallmark rom-com.”

you can’t help but chuckle. “what he means is that there’s a lot of people here and we didn’t want to get separated.”

jeno adds, “desperate times calls for desperate measures.”

the woman adjusts her glasses. “well, you do certainly seem desperate to have her close to you.”

jeno doesn’t say a word as he continues bagging but his smile reaches his eyes.

   5.    he works out.

why did the pandemic have to hit in the middle of summer?

you often asked yourself this, complaining about how inconvenient it was. especially on the days that made your apartment feel like it was on fire. the days that required a thin tank top and shorts. even then, you found yourself to be drenched in sweat.

you sprawled your arms and legs farther on the sofa, the leather material proving to be very uncomfortable. it was either that or your bed with the warm cotton sheets that stuck to your body. just thinking about it brings you discomfort. the only relief you could think of was a cold shower. you would have already taken one if jeno hadn’t been hogging the one bathroom in the apartment.

“jeno!” you yell.

silence; other than the sound of the water running.

“lee jeno!”

the water stops, temporarily for him to shout back an answer. “what?!”

you wipe at the sweat that has accumulated on the bridge of your nose. “hurry up! i’m melting!”

the water starts back up again and you groan. hoping to distract yourself, you pull out your phone. the group chat with your friends is surprisingly silent so you go to instagram for some entertainment. this time, your ex-boyfriend’s post isn’t the first thing you see. it takes you some scrolling but you do end up seeing another one of his pictures.

it’s simply two intertwined hands with a black and white filter. you identify the one on the left as his and although you aren’t as familiar with the one on the right, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it belongs to. contrary to the last, this photo has no cheesy words for a caption, just a red heart.  

but, your stomach doesn’t drop. you don’t feel hurt, either. obviously, you still don’t enjoy seeing him just because of all the awful memories that came with it but other than that, you feel unaffected by the image.

in fact, you feel so confident in yourself that you block him.

you’re surprised you hadn’t done it sooner. you had known you didn’t need him in your life any longer so why keep in contact? you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you press the red button that would keep him and his girlfriend out of your life. you knew with your whole heart that you didn’t need to see either of them.

before, a bit if you had felt the need to keep an eye on him. to see how he was handling the breakup and torture yourself with the fact that he didn’t seem to care. now, you could say you truly didn’t either. you didn’t need him or his stupid pictures. you had other, better things.

your friends.

your cat (yes, you considered seol to be yours).

your roommate.

you had to admit, jeno was the best thing on that list. quarantine had brought you and him significantly closer and you were over the moon about it. he was so wonderful that you kicked yourself for having lived with him for so long without ever really getting to know him. but it was easy to say you two were making up for lost time seeing as you spent every waking moment together. the record long showers jeno took being an exception, of course.

the moment the door to the bathroom opens, you rush into your room and quickly grab an oversized t-shirt and loose pajama pants to change into after your shower. you nearly drop them when you’re met with jeno’s soaking figure in the hallway.

his hair is damp and you can clearly see how long it had become. his skin looks healthy and moisturized, lotion among other skin care products had probably been applied. what really has you in a shock is the fact that the towel barely hangs below his waist. the droplets of water that fall from his hair and down his neck trail down his chest and toned torso towards the only area he has bothered to cover up. his bulky arms are also slightly wet, his veins popping noticeably. he shakes his head in an attempt to rid his hair of any water. then he runs his fingers through it, his muscles flexing ever so slightly as he does so.

“dude!” you exclaim, without a second thought. “you’re ripped!”

he smiles, his round cheeks growing at the unexpected praise. the way he could have such a rugged body but soft-featured face puzzled you to no extent. “thank you. i lift sometimes.”

“sometimes?” you repeat. “don’t be so humble! you’re basically hercules!”

he clicks his tongue. “ah, c’mon. i’m just an athletic person.”

you keep admiring his physique. “clearly.”

“oh god,” he groans, obviously flustered. “you’re looking at me like you’re gonna eat me or something.”

you hold yourself back from making a less than appropriate innuendo. “no comment.”

his eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “quarantine is really making you go crazy.”

you point a finger at him. “you try being stuck inside with your hot roommate!”

“trust me, y/n, i know all about hot roommates.”

you tilt your head, acting purposefully oblivious. “are you talking about doyoung?”

“what? no i—“ he sighs. “you know what, just take your shower.”

   6.    you can’t say no to him.

jeno ruffles his black locks with his hand and frowns.

you give him a disappointed look. “knock it off, you’re gonna get dandruff in your soup.”

he ignores your comment. “i look like a hobo.”

you pause, spoon halfway to your mouth. “this i know.”

“y/n, this is serious!”

“okay, okay. what’s the issue?”

“i already told you! i’m a bum!”

“you? a bum?” you pause to think about it. “i mean, mentally? maybe. but physically? no.”

“my hair, though. it’s so long.” he grabs a strand of it and pulls it to emphasize his point.

you shrug. “if having lots of hair is the standard for being a bum, i think most of the population is.”

“i want to cut it,” he announces.

“you should,” you say, pointing your spoon at him. “wanna know why? because if you mess up, no one will ever know. other than me, of course. but if you pay me enough i’ll let you forget it.”

he smiles at the joke for a moment before he leans forward and his face goes serious. “will you help me?”

“what? no way. i’ll mess up. and it’s only funny if you do it.”

he pouts. “please?”

you stir your soup around. “just watch some youtube videos. after three, you’re automatically a professional.”

“i want you.”

the statement has your neck snapping up from your bowl to him. the smug grin on his face lets you know that he was well aware of the double meaning behind his words. it was clear he was trying to fluster you enough to get a yes.

“you think you’re flirty enough to straight up brainwash me into doing stuff?”

“well, i wanted to say that to you anyway but... kind of?”

you feel a smile creep onto your lips at hearing the genuine tone in his voice. you down your last few spoonfuls of soup and quickly stand up. jeno looks up at you, eyes hopeful.

“finish your dinner. get the scissors. meet me in the bathroom.”

not even ten minutes later, jeno practically dances into the bathroom, a pair of red craft scissors in his hand. he sits on top of the toilet lid, figuring that’d be the easiest way for you to reach him. you walk in moments later.

“i’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to be using these types of scissors for hair,” he mumbles as he hands you the sharp utensil.

you twirl them in your hand. “oh, definitely not. do you want to wait then?”

he shakes his head, his shaggy bangs swaying with the movement.  

“alright, let’s get this going then.” you thread your hands through his thick locks to collect some of it in between two of your fingers. you bring the scissors forward and snip the small amount just to test the waters.

you slowly begin to get more comfortable and once you feel like you’re in your element, things begin to speed up. you move and cut faster but with efficiency. you do the spots on the back of his head and work your way forward. when it finally comes time to touch up his bangs, your small bathroom proves to be an inadequate spot to be doing this.

you end up standing balanced inches above jeno’s thighs that he’s pressed together tightly in an attempt to give you more room. you’re constantly readjusting your stance and when he notices, his hands go to your hips. you know he’s just trying to help you stay upright so you do a decent job but you still inhale sharply at the feeling of his hands on you.

not long after, you’re standing next to jeno as he inspects himself in the mirror. his fingers flick his newly shortened bangs around.

“not bad.” he tilts his head in a new angle and nods. “looks super good to me.”

you tuck the scissors into your back pocket with a relieved sigh. “oh thank god. i didn’t want to tell you before we started but i only watched two youtube tutorials on trimming hair.”

he runs a hand through his hair with a chuckle. “now that’s truly worthy of praise. and a tip.”

you raise a brow. “oh yeah? what’s th—“

he cuts you off by pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. he pulls back and drags his thumb over the skin that has come into contact with his lips. “thanks again.” with that, he leaves you standing in the bathroom, eyes wide and face warm.

   7.    he has six best friends.

“can i borrow your laptop?” asks jeno, from outside your door, nearly breathless.

you look up from your book. “uh yeah, sure.”

he rushes in your room and takes the item off of your dresser. “do you happen to have zoom on it?”

you shake your head and he groans. without another word, he disappears, running off into the living room. you hear his frustrated sighs as the minutes pass and he attempts to download the application. you finally decide to go check it out once it becomes too much to bear.

“it sounds like you’re in pain over here,” you comment.

he runs a hand through his hair. “i’m supposed to meet with my friends through a zoom call but it’s so complicated.”

you put a hand on your hip. “bet you five bucks i’ll be able to get it in five minutes.”

“are you kidding? i might be technologically challenged but i’m not stupid. i know you can do it fast, just help me out already, would you?”

“alright, grandpa.”

you type and click away at the screen, jeno watching you do so, entranced but equally as lost.

“well, i was wrong,” you say after a couple moments, leaning back in your chair.

“you couldn’t get it?” asks jeno, worriedly.

“no, it’s not that.” you click something on the screen and the app opens. “turns out i could do it in three.”

he rolls his eyes and shoos you out of the chair. he sits down and enters the code and password for the zoom meeting. it takes a minute, but he finally connects. you count six other people in the call. they all immediately cheer at seeing jeno and you hear them excitedly exclaim his name.

“hey guys,” he says, a smile already reaching his eyes. “it’s so good to see your faces.”

they all nod to agree. you get a good look at each one of them and realize they’re all boys. your eyes read over each of their display names.

mark me in ur heart

hyuckie~~~

moomin enthusiast

nananananana

chnele

lil huddy

“nice name, jeno,” ‘moomin enthusiast’ guy comments, snickering slightly. “glad to see you finally came to terms with it.”

‘jenojam’, his name reads. the rest of the group laughs, also teasing him about it. you assume it’s some kind of inside joke.

the self proclaimed ‘lil huddy’ furrows his eyebrows. “wait, did you choose that name yourself?”

jeno simply nods in response.

he glares into the camera. “donghyuck, you told me i had to put this as my name or else it wouldn’t let me connect!”

donghyuck—or ‘hyuckie~~~’, you presume—shrugs. “oops. guess i was wrong.”

you laugh at the humorous exchange. it seems like the sound has drawn some attention to you when ‘nananananana’ speaks up, eyes trained on you.

“um jeno? don’t you want to introduce your guest?”

jeno beams, dragging you closer into the frame. “i’m sure you all know about my roommate. say hi, y/n.” 

you do so, waving and smiling politely at the group.

“you know, even though we used to always hang at jeno’s, i don’t think we’ve ever actually seen your face,” ‘chnele’ says, tilting his head.

you agree. “me neither. i’ve mostly just heard you guys.”

the ‘mark me in your heart’ boy sheepishly rubs his neck. “sorry. we tend to be a little loud.”

‘chnele’ lets out a high pitched screech of a laugh. “only a little?”

“i recognize that laugh!” you blurt. “i would hear it all the time!”

”that’s our little dolphin,” coos ‘hyuckie~~~’.

“oh god, stop. i hate that stupid nickname.”

“it’s well deserved.”

“i think you should apologize to y/n for being a nightmare to her eardrums.”

“and ours, for that matter.”

“what about all your little freestyles? i’ve had to sit through hundreds of them and i never got an apology!”

“because they’re not bad! could you do any better?”

“you’re a soundcloud rapper, i think anyone could.”

jeno turns to you as the bickering on screen gets louder and louder. “this is gonna be a long call.”

once the group has moved on from roasting the life out of each other, you’re able to engage in some good-natured conversation. jeno teaches you the names and the other basics about the group. some points that stand out about the group is that mark is the oldest, renjun specializes in contemporary dance, jaemin inhales six cups of coffee on the daily, and chenle is insanely rich.

“what about jeno?” you ask them. “anything i should know about him?”

“he’s allergic to cats but the idiot still adopted—“

“she already knows about that, renjun,” jeno chuckles.

“oh. well. that’s pretty much the only interesting thing about him.”

jisung pipes up. “oh wait! he works out religiously too!”

you and jeno share a look. you burst into laughter and he simply glances away, slightly embarrassed. “oh yeah, i know that all too well.”

“and what about the unhealthy cooking obsession?”

you nod at mark’s question. “that too. he cooks dinner almost every night around here.”

renjun purses his lips. “he already cooks for you? wow. he must really like you.”

“you think?” jaemin asks. “didn’t you read any of the messages in the group chat? he’s practically in love with her. his words, not mi—“

“okay! i think it’s time for us to go! bye guys!” jeno doesn’t even give you a chance to say your own goodbye before he’s clicking the ‘end call’ button in the bottom right corner.

you give him a confused look. “what was that all about?”

“they’re crazy.” he laughs. “well, if you need me i’ll be in my room screaming into my pillow for the next couple hours.” he dashes off leaving you standing alone, trying to comprehend what had happened.

   8.    he‘s a great listener.

jeno has officially replaced seol as your movie buddy, not that you have a problem with it. you thought it was nice to have someone you could actually converse with but of course, you make sure seol still sits in.

“what i’m saying is that iron man just wants to protect his team.”

“well, if they sign the accords, they basically surrender themselves to the government.”

“and?”

“you don’t see a problem with that? see, captain america knows what he’s doing. he’s literally an avenger—“

“so is iron man!”

“let me finish! so, he’s an avenger, right? he has the best judgment because he’s saved the world countless times. he knows how to operate his team and do the right thing.”

“okay but there’s casualties. and that’s what iron man is trying to fix.”

“how do you save the world and not have casualties?”

“you just—“ your phone rings mid argument and you raise your finger towards jeno. “this isn’t over.” you put the phone to your ear, not bothering to check the caller id. “hello?”

“sweetheart?”

you feel a chill go up your spine. was it him? no, it couldn’t be. you had blocked his number shortly after you did so on all your social media.

“baby, don’t be so shy. i know you’re there.”

you can’t hold back. “please don’t call me that.”

he chuckles, breathlessly. “oh, c’mon. you used to love it. you still do.”

“no, i don’t. actually, i don’t want to hear your stupid pet names or stupid voice or see any of your stupid posts. just go bother your girlfriend and leave me alone.”

you notice jeno perk up beside you out of the corner of your eye. he must have been caught off guard by your irritated tone.

as always, lucas is unaffected by you. “i’m being nice and giving you a second chance. i even called you behind soyeon’s back.”

“is that something i’m supposed to reward you for?” you scoff. “congratulations, you’re now awful, toxic, and a cheater.”

he growls. the sound was familiar. in your relationship, if you heard it you knew he was going to snap at you until he had the satisfaction of making you cry. “i know you miss me so don’t say things you’re going to regret later. because even when you’re back in my arms, i won’t let you forget it.”

the thought of being back with him made you feel icky. but the fact that he sincerely thought you would crawl back to him set your entire body on fire. “are you joking? i was always aware of the fact that you treated me like the dirt you walked on but do you seriously think that lowly of me?”

you’re rendered speechless and apparently, so is he because the other line stays silent.

“i wouldn’t go back to you if you were the last person on earth,” you spit. “you treated me horribly, wong yukhei. i won’t ever forget it. move on. i have.”

you glance at jeno, his expression more serious than you’ve ever seen it. his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are trained on your cellphone. the glare he gives the device is so strong you wouldn’t be surprised if even lucas could feel it, wherever he was.

you hang up and block the number, wishing to never talk to him again. you toss your phone onto the sofa with an exasperated sigh. you find jeno’s gaze to still be focused intensely on it.  

“if you gave lucas that look, i’m pretty sure he’d cry.”

he breaks his concentration, eyes going to you instead. his entire face softens. “all i’m going to say is he better pray we never cross paths.”

“well, if you happen to, call me up. i wouldn’t mind helping you beat the crap out of him.”

jeno chuckles for a second then lowers his voice to a whisper. “he was really bad to you, huh?”

you nod. “he messed me up. i hate to admit it ‘cause i know i was stupid to stay with him for as long as i did.”

your roommate shakes his head. “don’t say that. it’s not your fault he messed up the best thing that would ever happen to him.”

“i thought i was the problem for so long, jeno. i was so blinded by love. then, i realized there was no way he truly cared for me when he treated me like i had no heart to be broken.”

jeno scoots towards you and rubs soothing circles into your arm. “you have such a big heart. and i can’t tell you how sorry i am that he took advantage of that. i’m sorry that you were stuck with someone so insecure and ignorant. please, don’t think about him anymore.”

you hold in your tears. you refused to cry over someone like lucas. “i know. i try so hard not to.”

jeno holds your head into his chest. his arms are placed securely on your back. “oh, baby.”

when jeno uses this pet name on you, it feels so completely different from lucas. you could tell me meant it. he wasn’t using it to make you stay a little longer, to assure you he loved you. strangely enough, you do not need to be convinced of that. you feel like you have known it for a long time.  

   9.    he likes to be the big spoon.

you’re not sure how he’s done it but you end up falling asleep in jeno’s arms. you assume it had been so long since you had been cradled and rocked so delicately that the foreign yet extremely delightful sensation knocked you right out. even seol is deep in sleep, laying down peacefully at your feet.  

you relish in the feeling of jeno pressed right into your back. he fits so perfectly against you that it reminds you of a puzzle piece. to be exact, the moment when you connect the last two pieces and the full picture becomes complete. that was how you felt—complete.

with jeno’s soft breaths tickling the back of your neck and his soft snores filling your ear, you know there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. his arm that is wrapped around you makes sure you can’t escape his embrace. you are positive that even if you had the liberty of doing so, you would stay exactly where you were.

you lean farther back into your pillow, closing your eyes. you let every thought fade away as you try to fall back asleep as soon as possible. you wanted the moment you found yourself in to last as long as possible.

   10.    he has feelings for you.

jeno mumbles sweet nothings into your ear as he toys with your hair.

it just seemed right to him. like something he was meant to do with you. he had seen these types of things in films and shows before. it was intimate and touching, the scenes were always meant to tug at the audience’s heart strings and show how in love the two characters were. perhaps, even though you lay asleep in his arms, he wants you to finally know.

“honestly, being inside with you all the time is kind of the best. i know the whole virus situation is less than ideal but being able to spend so much time with you... that’s all i could ask for.” he pauses. “isn’t it so crazy how before this we were all weird and awkward around each other? well, i guess we still kind of are. that’s mostly my fault so... sorry. i just don’t know how to act around you sometimes. we’re barely getting close and i’m already this attached to you. as jisung would so kindly say, ‘i’m simping’.” he chuckles to himself. “all jokes aside, i really do like you. ever since you moved in here all cute and nervous, you’ve taken your own little place in my heart, as cheesy as it sounds. and these past few weeks, you just keep on taking up more and more room in there. not that i have a problem with it. i just...” he stops as if he doesn’t know how else to express his feelings. “really, really like you.”

“thanks.”

you feel him jolt then abruptly stop stroking your hair. there’s silence until he asks, “you don’t happen to be a sleep talker, do you?”

you shake your head.

“and did you hear like, a lot of what i said?”

“only the important stuff. like how awkward you are and how much you like me.”

“o-oh.”

“but don’t worry. it’s mutual.”

you feel his relieved breath hit the skin of your neck. “that’s the best thing i’ve heard all day.”

you tilt your head back and stare at him, confused. “what, did you seriously think i wasn’t into you?”

he shrugs. “i was too busy simping, i guess.”

you can’t contain your laughter at the use of the slang. “park jisung would not be proud.”   

[americangirlstar]

Now that both Courtney books are out and I’ve read and processed them both, I do want to say that I think they’re the least well-written of any of the AG books, but not through any fault of their own- let me explain.

(Note that for this discussion I’m ignoring the Doylist criticisms- Courtney and 3/4 of her friend group being white again, the lack of gay discussion in-text in regards to the HIV crisis, etc. These are valid complaints and concerns, but not what we’re talking about right now.)

The Problem with the Current Book Length

I think the main problem with Courtney stems from the fact her books are so short. American Girl has literally been doing the stupidest things in regards to their books lately, almost as if they’re trying to sabotage them on purpose. First they remove illustrations in 2015- when their target audience is about nine years old. I don’t know about you, but when I was six and getting into American Girl, the illustrations were the highlight for me. Not because I had no attention span and loved pretty pictures, but because it showed me firstly what the girl’s life was like, whether it be 1760s wilderness or 2001 Chicago. It was like stepping into their world, really helping you get into their heads, which was basically what the dolls were supposed to do, to let you know that girls like you exist throughout time and space.

As well as that, the illustrations were free advertisement. I can’t tell you how excited me and my sisters were as children to go to the American Girl place and look at the doll displays, shouting that that’s the dress Felicity wears to the ball! or look, Josefina’s goat looks exactly like the book! AG cut that from 2015 to 2020, as if they were trying to appeal to an older audience- while at the same time changing all the doll outfits, accessories and marketing to appeal to a younger demographic.

Now, this isn’t about the illustrations, as Courtney got those- it’s about what they did to the historical characters after the Illustration Outrage™ happened. See, they’d condensed the historical six-book format into two books- not necessarily a bad idea, parents would be more likely to buy two books for their kid than consider buying six. However, they then claimed that if they put illustrations back, they would have to abridge the books- literally my nightmare.

First of all, American Girl, we know for a fact you can fit all six books plus illustrations into ONE VOLUME, let alone two. You’re just being cowards here and trying to nerf your own stories for... some reason.

So that meant a lot of important things got cut- Rebecca’s Chanukah story, Melody’s cousin’s house search, Maryellen’s Christmas adventure... all things important to the girls’ histories and character.

The Problem with Courtney’s Writing

Now, Courtney was the first doll to be released after the abridging began, meaning her books were released, in their entirety, just as short as the abridged stories. So it basically means she gets four books while the others get six- and unlike the others, Courtney doesn’t even have mysteries or short stories to pad out. (And honestly, looking at her book’s amount of content, I’d even argue that she basically got two while everyone else got six, but I digress.)

The problem with her books isn’t that they have an author writing them poorly (I really feel like her author was doing the best with what limited time she had), but in how cramped American Girl made them. Because, well, Courtney has to deal with a lot in such a short amount of words.

Let’s compare her to Julie, for instance- Julie pretty much has a new 70s thing every book. In order: feminism, rising divorce rates, San Francisco’s Chinese culture, environmentalism, the country’s bicentennial, anti-bullying and deaf acceptance. And adding to this, we also have her own personal journies through her parents’ divorce and move, her basketball team, her friendship with Ivy (and later Joy), overcoming her fear of horses, student council, detention... It’s a lot, and yet her books don’t feel rushed or forced at all. It’s just a year in the life of a girl going through a lot of new and sudden events, and how she grows and changes throughout them. She may not be as deep a character as Addy or Kirsten, but not every girl goes through the trials and tribulations they do, and it’s a good series overall.

Courtney, meanwhile, does feel rushed and forced, because of the short timespan. Instead of fitting everything into a six-book format- or even at two-book format that is the same length and content as the six-book- everything has to be fit into two short books.   Everything Courtney has to cover includes the topics of divorce and stepfamilies, feminist and technological advancement, the Challenger explosion, the HIV crisis, Hands Across America, and the founding of Pleasant Company. And in Courtney’s own journey, she has to cover her learning to stand up for herself, her relationship with her stepsister and Tina’s own character development, her mother running for mayor and how that affects her, how much she misses her Dad after he moves, her friendship with Sarah (note on that later), her basically getting hate-crimed after standing up for her friend... that’s a LOT of stuff, and I didn’t even include the non-AG 80s product placement they shove into her collection.

But without the longer format, everything is pushed together to its detriment. Tina’s development and Maureen’s mayoral candidacy are two plotlines that are literally dropped and almost completely ignored in the second book. The Challenger and HIV issues were handled decently, but the Challenger only lasted a few short chapters, and the HIV topic was not as informative as it could be, leaving out several things like Reagan’s refusal to treat it for so long, and its effect on the gay community. Honestly, the HIV scare was more shifted to focus on the mob mentality of a new and scary disease- which, while needed right now, also ignores many of the bigotry-related reasons it became an epidemic. Pleasant Company’s inclusion feels forced in, and I think was the only resolution she had to her Dad plotline?

And don’t get me started on the Sarah plotline- every Girl of the Year since Kanani- sans Isabelle and Luci- has had the story of “oh no I’ve been ignoring my friend and now they’re mad at me :(” and it’s SO old. Seriously, I counted the contemporary dolls that have had that storyline, and it’s thirteen*. Thirteen times we’ve covered this issue- almost all of it in quick succession- and now we have to deal with it in a historical character book while much more important things are going on! Yes, it sucks when a friend ditches you while you’re being attacked and bullied for something you’re standing up for, but once again, with how much is happening in such a short book, it just feels like a forced-in plotline that we’ve seen a billion times, and with their falling-out happening mainly due to the attention Courtney was given Isaac, it serves to make Sarah seem closed-minded at best and bigoted at worst- it’s clarified that she’s not, she’s just scared and upset with Courtney, but when you put those events so close together, it leads the reader to lump them together and get the impression that, you know, Sarah is a worse person than she is.

*Full count: Nicki (book 2), Chrissa (book 2), Kanani (2), McKenna (1 iirc?), Saige (both books), Grace (2), Lea (3), Gabriela (1 and 3), Tenney (2), Z (1), Blaire (1), Joss (1) and Kira (1).

It’s a bit weird, too, that Courtney’s... what’s the word? Vibe? with her how her story is written and marketed Is closer to the Contemporaries than the Historicals. Am I the only one feeling this? My best explanation for it is that the author, Kellen Hertz, had only written contemporary books for American Girl before- the third Lea Clark book and all four Tenney Grant books, both of which contained the Friendship Issues™ plot. I’m not at all saying she’s a bad author- I honestly love the way the Tenney books are written- and I’m not saying she couldn’t write a historical book, but it’s clear American Girl didn’t ask her to change up her style or content from what she’d done for them before, as well as giving her way too much to cover in such short books.

Conclusion

Honestly, this conclusion should be obvious- American Girl needs to expand their books again. Whether they simply allow the books to be unabridged, or go back to the six-book format, Courtney's books are too cramped to tell an effective story, let alone the poor abridged girls.

The other girls were given six-book length, so if they went back to that length or format, Courtney would have to be rewritten, at least a little- and that’s okay! There’s a lot of things that could use expansion or connection, such as her Summer trip with her Dad that was given basically one sentence in the text. Her growth with her stepfamily could be acknowledged- and honestly? I think that if these books were expanded, her mother’s mayoral arc should either continue through the books, or Maureen should become mayor before the book 2 arc. I’ve mentioned this before, but having Maureen as mayor (or even still a candidate) would put a lot of pressure on Courtney to be perfect so that nobody can say “look at how awful this woman is for doing politics instead of raising her family right”- which means that when the Isaac stuff happens, it has even more stakes for Courtney and her family. Does her Mom still support her with her own reputation on the line, and what does that say about Maureen’s character, how does it affect Courtney and the D’Amicos... that’s all fascinating stuff that was completely missed out on.

And if she was turned into a six-book format- honestly, here’s how I’d do it, just off the top of my head. It would involve a bit of event shuffling, but honestly I think it would work!

Meet Courtney - pretty much the setup for everything happening, her starting to get her Crystal Starshooter plans and her mom’s campaign beginning.

Courtney Learns a Lesson - her relationship to Tina, culminating in the Challenger incident.

Courtney’s Surprise - we move the founding of Pleasant Company over here, since Molly’s basically her Christmas Present. We’ll probably need an additional plotline- maybe similar to Julie, she can have a story on spending the holidays in different places.

Happy Birthday Courtney - end of summer, aka meeting Isaac and her trip with her Dad.

Courtney Saves the Day - Beginning of the HIV arc, ending at her presentation to her class.

Changes for Courtney - Continuation of the HIV arc as things get worse for her and Isaac, ending where Friendship Superhero ends.

Is that a perfect sorting? Probably not, I came up with it in ten minutes. But would it give Courtney space to breathe and more time to explore everything happening to her? Probably!

The tl;dr of this is honestly that American Girl are absolute cowards right now, and need to expand their books back. Their abridging is only harming their stories- which, as Courtney herself points out, are the reason girls got into their company in the first place.

[starshine583]

New Girl on the Block (8)

(Thank you all so much for your love and support during this fic! I hope that you all enjoy this next chapter and be sure to check out the mini series connected to this called Journal Entries!)

Ch.1 / Ch.7 / Ch.9

Chapter 8: Lost and Found

Lost. 

Felix was utterly and hopelessly lost.

He stalked the aquarium aisles, looking this way and that for the rest of the group. How did this even happen? Allegra had had an iron grip on his wrist. He was certain of that. Yet somehow, he runs into one person- one person! -and just like that, everyone’s gone! 

Felix tisked, annoyance quickly rising in his mind as he turned down another aisle. Briefly separating wouldn’t have been that bad. In fact, he welcomed the moment of silence at first. Aside from the occasional person who bumped into him, no one was yanking on his wrist or dragging him along. The problem arose, however, in the realization that he’d been aimlessly searching for them for thirty minutes now. After losing sight of them for a second! Did they truly walk that fast or did they leave him on purpose? It wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened. 

His hands clenched into fists, and a scowl tugged at the corner of his lips. He was this close to climbing on top of heads- 

A light giggle caught his attention, faint but there, coming from the southern side of the room.

Felix whirled around, his eyes darting through the crowd. He recognized that laugh, but where was she?

His gaze landed on a pair of pigtails a moment later, and he nearly sighed with relief. Even with the dimmed lights of the aquarium, he could make out Marinette’s small figure standing in front of a smaller aquarium not far from him. He didn’t see anyone else with her, though. Where were the others? Did she get lost too or were the other people blocking them?

Felix moved forward to approach her. With the trio or not, he’d finally found someone from the group. That was his main concern. Besides, she didn’t seem worried about being alone, unless cooing at the glass and laughing was a sign of nervousness. (which, for her, it wasn’t.)

“You look like you’re enjoying yourself.” He commented as he stopped next to her.

Marinette jumped, as usual, and let out a squeak of surprise.

“Oh, Felix!” She gasped. “We were looking for you earlier.”

Felix hummed, glancing down at the octopus that was crawling along the rocks in front of them. “Yes, it would seem that ‘keeping up with the group’ wasn’t as easy as Allegra had claimed.”

A nervous chuckle tumbled from her lips, and she tucked a strand of hair behind her as she said, “Yeah.. we thought about texting you, but Claude said that you would catch up eventually.”

Felix scoffed. He should have known that Claude would be the one to prolong his suffering. Looking around for the brunette once more, he noticed that they were indeed alone. (Save for the large crowd swarming around them, that is.)

“How did you get separated?” He asked, merely curious. The group’s left him several times, but he doubted they would abandon Marinette so easily. Something else must have happened. 

“Well, I was originally trying to look for you,” she explained, “but then I ended up getting distracted..”

She snorted. “I swear I stopped to look at one turtle, and by the time I turned around, everyone was gone.”

Felix offered a nod. He knew all too well how that went.

“At least we found each other.” He pointed out. 

Marinette smiled up at him. “Yeah! And I found this adorable octopus!”

The way she said ‘adorable’ was similar to the babying tone of someone who was speaking to a dog, and she turned to the tank to wiggle her finger at the creature. Felix thought it to be somewhat.. endearing. 

“.. Did you know that an octopus has three hearts?” He asked, strangely wanting to encourage her enthusiasm. Normally, when Claude would start rambling or bouncing around about different subjects, it would annoy Felix. With Marinette, though, that.. simply didn’t happen. Perhaps it was because she was quieter about it?

Marinette gasped, her sparkling eyes shifting back to him. “Wait, are you serious?”

Felix nodded. “They also contain blue blood.”

Her jaw dropped open. “No way! How do you know that?”

“I’ve read a few encyclopedias.” He admitted with a half-shrug. “They’re a lot more interesting than people give them credit for.”

“That’s so cool!” Marinette nearly squealed. “Tell me another one.”

Felix stared at her for a moment. That might be the first time someone’s ever willingly asked for him to recite facts without a sarcastic tone. He didn’t think he would be this pleased about it.

“Well..” He began, mentally sifting through the pages of books that he’s read. “Their limbs are actually called ‘arms’, not ‘tentacles’. The term ‘tentacles’ is reserved for squid, cuttlefish, and nautilus.”

“What?” Marinette blanched. “No! My whole life is a lie!”

Felix smirked at her dramatic groan. It had been surprising for himself when he first read it too. 

“Tell me another one.” She said after rubbing her hands over her face.

Felix let out a small laugh. “Are you sure? You didn’t seem to like that last one.”

Marinette waved off the comment. “Yeah, yeah. I can take it. Tell me another one.”

“Alright, another fact..” Felix muttered, his gaze flicking upwards in thought. “Ah.  Each arm has a mind of its own. Some two-thirds of the octopus’ neurons reside in its arms, which allow the arms to react to stimuli and function at a fairly high level on their own. This fact applies even when one of the limbs is severed from the body.”

Marinette scrunched up her nose at the image of a severed, octopus limb still twisting about. 

“How do you remember all of this stuff?”

Felix clicked his tongue. “I think the information is interesting, and I enjoy being knowledgeable. So I make it a point to remember everything that I can while reading.”

Marinette nodded thoughtfully. “That makes sense.. Do you know facts about other animals here?”

Felix tilted his head back and forth, trying to recall the animals he’d passed while searching for the group. “Most likely. As I said before, I’ve read a handful of encyclopedias, along with a book or two on Marine Biology.”

She lit up with a grin at the reply and reached down to grab his wrist. “Great! That means you can come tell me more facts!”

Felix was pulled forward, and a part of him held his breath, waiting for the indignation and disgust to set in from being grabbed. It always happened. Allegra, Claude, and occasionally Allan would jerk him around, and resentment would kick in without fail. Of course, the irritation towards Marinette certainly wouldn’t last, since she’d simply gotten excited, but it would undoubtedly come. So he waited..

..And waited..

..And nothing came.

Felix looked down at her hand, which was still firmly on his wrist, and frowned. She was dragging him through the crowd, yet he felt.. nothing. It wasn’t necessarily good, but it wasn’t bad either. He was just.. normal. 

How odd.

“Which animal should we go to next?” Marinette inquired, eagerly looking around. “I’ve already seen the jellyfish, the octopus, and some of the bigger tanks with the multiple types of fish.. Maybe we can see the big tank again so you can tell the na-”

He didn’t look up at her until her ramble abruptly cut off. She was staring down at his wrist too, her eyes wide with surprise. She must not have thought about what she was doing when she grabbed him.

“O-Oh!” As soon as she registered what she’d done, Marinette ripped her hand away from him. “I-I’m so sorry! I- uhm -I was just so excited, a-and.. I’ll try not to grab you again.”

“No, it’s..” Felix rubbed the part of his wrist that Marinette had grabbed, almost not believing the next words he was about to say. “It’s fine. We should probably be holding onto each other anyway, unless we want to get separated again.”

“Oh..” Marinette said, sounding a bit dazed. “Oh yeah.. Um.. How do you want me to..”

She held her hand out towards him again, and Felix hesitated. If they were to hold onto each other, holding hands would be the obvious option, but that was out of the question on account of the strange feeling that twisted inside him at the thought of doing such a thing. The next option would be holding onto his sleeve, or grabbing his wrist again. Would that be peculiar for her, though? He’s unsure as to why it would be peculiar, but it felt peculiar. 

Before he could decide what to do, Marinette tentatively took hold of his bag strap.

“I-Is this okay?” She asked, searching his face for discomfort or disagreement.

Felix blinked. That was actually..

“This is perfect.” He said, grabbing the part of the bag strap that was just above her hand.

A relieved smile passed her lips. “Good. Let’s keep walking then. I wanna learn as many facts as possible before we leave.”

The two set off, weaving around people and going from tank to tank. At each new animal they passed, Marinette would request a series of facts, and Felix would oblige when he could. Then, when he couldn’t recall any facts, they would look up a few for the sake of fun. He had a decent time doing it, as he got to learn some new things about the animals and himself. For example, the electric discharge of an eel can be stronger than five hundred volts, sea turtles apparently think jellyfish are delicious, and when Felix’s hand finally slid onto Marinette’s on the bag strap, he didn’t mind at all. In fact, he didn’t even notice that his hand was on hers until she jumped ahead to look at the shark tank.

“Wow..” Marinette breathed, staring at the enormous whale shark that was gliding through the water in front of them. “Look at how big it is..”

Although slightly distracted by the fact that they’d been touching and he hadn’t noticed, Felix joined her at the tank and watched the shark as well. With its large body and narrow tale, its movements were slow and graceful, and seeing it brought a soothing sense of calm to him. 

He glanced down at Marinette, curious how she might react to the gigantic creature. 

Despite buzzing about while looking at the other animals, she stood entirely still as she stared upwards through the glass. One of her hands was delicately placed on the tank, and her lips were parted with awe. She appeared to be mesmerized by the sight. 

The mix of water and the lights above brought a bright, blue glow to the room, and it reflected on her perfectly. Accenting her round cheeks and wide eyes, bringing out the deep blue color of her hair that was often hidden.. the illumination made her seem utterly.. ethereal. 

Felix sucked in a small breath, shocked by the swirl of warmth and enchantment that swelled within him. Why was he feeling this way? He didn’t recall experiencing it before. Was it something about the aquarium? Or was it something about Marinette? Why would she make such a difference, though?

“I know you enjoy her company.”

His mother’s words hit him like a truck as they resurfaced in his mind. Enjoying her company.. Was that what this was? He didn’t think something like that would be ‘warm’ or ‘enchanting’, but he supposed he’s never fully enjoyed someone’s presence before to know. Claude and the others- even his parents on rare occasions -would annoy or pester or drain his energy. Marinette, somehow, never did that. Maybe it was because she always listened to him, or because she would offer a smile or clothes or croissants- whatever he might need without ever asking for anything in return. She was selfless and didn’t demand his attention like everyone else, and that, Felix realized, made all the difference. 

“Know any facts about this one?” Marinette said, shaking him from his thoughts.

“Hm?” Felix dragged his eyes back to the whale shark. “Oh, yes. If I remember correctly, they-”

“There you are!”

Claude’s declaration barely registered in Felix’s mind before he was suddenly tackled by the brunette. 

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere!”

Felix scowled as he wrestled Claude off of him. There’s the feeling of revulsion that he remembered so well. 

“Oh, and you found Marinette!” Allegra chimed in with a smile. 

Marinette pulled a sheepish expression. “Sorry for walking off.. I got distracted.”

Allan waved off the remark as he joined them. “Don’t sweat it. This trip was meant to be fun. As long as you had a good time, everything’s fine.”

Marinette smiled. “Thanks. I had a great time.”

“Aw~.” Claude jokingly sang. “That’s good to hear. What about you, Felix? Did you have a good time?”

Felix rolled his eyes at the babying tone, but a chuckle brought his gaze back to Marinette. She was shaking her head at Claude, her eyes bright with amusement and her smile warm.

“Actually..” He muttered. “I did.” 

~~~~~~

The icy cold of the evening brushed over Marinette as she walked outside, but she smiled anyway. The aquarium had been more amazing than she could have ever predicted, which was saying something considering she’d already expected it to be great. She got to see turtles and whale sharks and octopi and all sorts of animals! On top of that, she got to see all of those animals with Felix, who was able to tell her little facts about them! Although some of the facts were hard to swallow.. like, who calls octopus limbs ‘arms’ instead of ‘tentacles’? That’s crazy!

Marinette chuckled at the memory as she nuzzled her nose into her white scarf for warmth. Yes, some of the facts were definitely mind boggling, but there was no doubt that they were the best part of the trip. 

Well.. She thought, glancing over her shoulder. Maybe not the best part.

The rest of the group was exiting the aquarium behind her, Felix being amongst them. The best part of the day had honestly been when he said that he had a good time. With all the scowling and his getting lost, she’d been kicking herself about inviting him to the aquarium, especially when she knew that crowds weren’t his forte. But then they went on that impromptu tour together, and his hard expressions softened into small smiles and quiet laughs. 

It was the first time she saw him fully relax (in a crowded room, no less!). Just knowing that she’d been a part of that brought her more joy and fulfillment than the whale shark she’d originally wanted to see. 

Of course, now that the tour was over and the group was back together, the hard expressions had returned, and he was currently chewing out Claude for trying to hug him “in the name of warmth”. Marinette couldn’t help giggling at the sight, though. Even as Felix was clutching his coat around himself and shivering, he refused to be touched by anyone. She vaguely wondered if he was against the notion for a specific reason or simply had an aversion to touch. He didn’t seem to mind them touching in the aquarium, though, so there had to be a specific reason then, right?

“I don’t know about you guys,” Allegra spoke up, taking Marinette from her thoughts, “but I had a wonderful time today.”

“Are you kidding?” Claude asked, finally stepping away from Felix with a smile. “Today was awesome! And that mermaid show? Incredible.”

“And completely generic.” Felix added with an eye roll. “They didn’t even bother to make it look as though she were breathing underwater.”

“Well, yeah.” Allegra smirked. “They can’t get real mermaids. Those are too hard to catch.”

“That’s because they don’t exist.” Felix stated flatly. “Which is another reason why they shouldn’t hold that show. It will give people the wrong idea.”

“Hey, mermaids could exist!” Claude- because if anyone were to fight for this, it would be him -insisted. “The ocean is huge, and we haven’t seen it all yet. You have no idea whether mermaids actually exist or not.”

Felix scoffed. “Please. A creature with a human half and a fish half that also lived in the ocean would be scientifically impossible. At the very least, the human side would perish from the low temperatures and prolonged exposure to salt water. The only way it might survive is if the creature simply had a humanoid half rather than a human half, and in that case, the creature wouldn’t look anything like the actor they had inside.”

“Who said anything about science?” Claude argued. “What if it’s magic?”

Marinette had been watching the conversation with an amused smile until the topic of magic came up. She knew it wasn’t a direct mention to her alter ego, but it still caused her stiffen. Thankfully, no one noticed, since they were too busy watching Felix raise a brow.

“That’s preposterous.”

“How come?” Claude retorted. “If we can have Ladybug and Chat Noir running around with their magical weapons and abilities, why can’t we have mermaids?”

Marinette faltered in her steps, but quickly regained balance. Now that was a direct mention of her alter ego. Should she try to change the subject? It definitely felt like it was time to change the subject. 

“Chat Noir and Ladybug gain their powers from the miraculous specifically.” Felix stated. “What you are suggesting is an entire species that is born and raised with the same ‘power’ that doesn’t come from a miraculous. That’s what I’d call grasping at straws.”

“You guys know the show is supposed to be for kids, right?” Allan asked, gaining a snort from Allegra.

Claude placed his hands on his hips. “Yes, but I still think mermaids can exist somewhere.”

“No, they can’t.” Felix remarked.

“You don’t have any proof of that!”

“Neither do you!”

“Okay!” Allegra interjected, stepping between the two boys with a barely contained snicker. “You two kids need to behave or you’ll both be put in time out.”

Marinette laughed despite herself, even as Felix glared at the blonde. 

Allegra ignored the glare, turning back to the group as she asked, “So where do you guys want to eat for supper?”

“We’re eating supper together?” Marinette inquired.

“Only if you want to.” Allegra smiled. “I just figured, since it’s seven o’clock, that our parents have already eaten. So we might as well eat together, right?”

“Yeah!” Claude agreed, the mermaid discussion slipping from his mind before Marinette’s very eyes. “Let’s go to Dairy Queen. I haven’t been there in a while, and an ice cream sounds so good right now.”

“You want to get ice cream?” Felix blanched. “In this weather?”

“Sure.” Claude smiled. “Anytime’s ice cream time for me. Besides, it’s not that cold.”

“Not that cold??” Felix retorted, his eyebrows furrowing in disbelief. 

Marinette chuckled, silently agreeing with Felix. Ice cream was nice when you weren’t already covered in goosebumps due to the cold, but right now, she’d much rather a nice, steaming cup of hot chocolate.

A gasp brought her attention to Allegra, who pointed towards the sky with wide eyes.

“Guys, look!” She grinned. “It’s snowing!”

The group followed her gaze to the Eiffel Tower, which stood bright and tall in the blackness of the night. 

Sure enough, flakes of freshly fallen snow were passing the lights of the city and fluttering to the ground. It started out small, with a bit of snow here and there, but soon, a whole flurry began, quickly covering the sidewalks and roads.

“Aw, yeah!” Claude cheered, sticking out his tongue to catch some of the snowflakes. “Freshly fallen snow, man!”

Marinette giggled and stuck out her tongue as well, feeling a wave of euphoria as the snowflakes began hitting her tongue, nose, forehead and cheeks. It hasn’t snowed since last month, and she’d missed it dearly.

“C’mon, Fehix!” Allan urged, his words coming out in blabs because of his tongue sticking out. “Catch snowfakes wis us”

“Absolutely not.” Felix sharply declined. “Do you know how many pollutants are in the first wave of snow, especially with all of this wind? Sulfate, Nitrate, Formaldehyde, Mercury- you might as well drink a bucket of chemicals!”

Marinette paused, though she left her tongue sticking out. Were there really that many chemicals in snow? She’d known there were some, of course, but it couldn’t really be that dangerous, could it?

“Wow, Felix.” Allegra said with an amused smile. “I didn’t know snow could be so dangerous. Can you lighten up a little, please?”

Felix tisked. “I’m only stating facts.”

“Right, right.” Allegra replied. “You don’t have to stick out your tongue, but at least spare us on the ‘grim’ details, will you? It kind of dampers the whole ‘first snowfall of the year’ deal.”

Felix rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything else. Instead, he tilted his head towards the sky and closed his eyes. Marinette imagined he was trying to gather some semblance of calm or composure, if his deep breaths were any indication. What really caught her attention, though, were the snowflakes. Or rather, the way the snowflakes landed on him. They were crisp and frozen, and it created specks of white all across his features as the snow nestled in Felix’s hair and eyelashes. If she had been any less disciplined, she might have been tempted to take a picture of him. (Only to use the snowflake patterns later as a design idea, of course.)

“Alright, let’s head for Dairy Queen!” Claude abruptly declared, breaking the brief silence that had settled amongst them. 

Felix’s eyes cracked open, incidentally meeting Marinette’s at the same time. She averted her gaze, a strange sense of deja vu washing over her. Here she was, staring at him again. How many times was she going to feel weird about staring- or being caught staring -until she remembered not to stare? Granted, it shouldn’t feel weird in the first place. Staring was staring, especially when it was a stare between friends. The most he should say about it is, “what are you looking at?”, and that wasn’t a problem. That was a completely logical response, actually. So why did her stupid brain think it was a problem?

“I call dibs on driving Marinette!” Claude added, wrapping his arm around Marinette’s shoulders.

“What!” Allegra nearly yelled from shock. “You can’t call dibs!”

“Okay, then I call turns!” Claude shot back. “You got to drive her on the way here, so I get to drive her on the way to Dairy Queen.”

“Guys, you know she’s a human being, right?” Allan commented.

Marinette laughed. “It’s alright. I’ll go with Claude to Dairy Queen, and Allegra can drive me home.”

“Aw, she gets to drive you home?” Claude whined.

Allegra, however, pulled a triumphant grin. “Ha-ha! I get a good night snack from Mme Sabine!”

“I’m glad you two only value Marinette for her pastries.” Felix remarked.

Marinette snorted, but Allegra and Claude immediately let out an offended gasp.

“How dare you claim such a thing!” Claude said, now wrapping both arms around Marinette’s shoulders. “Marinette is amazing and wonderful, and I would choose her over pastries a thousand times.”

Allegra hugged Marinette as well. “Yeah, we’re not that shallow. Mme Sabine’s cooking is phenomenal, but Marinette is the one we truly love.”

“I hear that.” Allan chuckled.

The beginnings of a blush curled around Marinette’s cheeks, and she hugged Allegra and Allan back. She knew that she was the one they loved, not the pastries, and that’s why she wouldn’t hesitate to give them all the pastries in the world if they asked.

Tag list:  @artbyknigit @athena452 @nickristus-dreamer @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @arsaem @abrx2002 @neakco @pawsitivelymiraculous @too0bsessedformyowngood @nathleigh @lusicing @officiallydarkgeek @all-mights-asscheeks @tbehartoo @woe-is-me0 @raeuberprinzessin @lazuli-11 @miss-chaos27 @trippingovermyfeet @sadpotatoondrugs @ladybug-182 @jaggedheart11 @marinahrasauce @i-need-blog-ideas @thewheezingbubbledragon @crazylittlemunchkin @unabashedbookworm @moonystars14 @sunflowers-and-mooncakes @2confused-2doanything  @magnificentcrapposts  @moonnette @nickristus-dreamer @vixen-uchiha @casual-darkness @luxmorningstarr @jjmjjktth​ @kaithehero​ @itsme1598

[the-final-sif]

Okay, so I think I’ve got a solid timeline of events for villain!Katsuki

Katsuki leaves UA just before the provisional license exam, he’s at the point where he no longer things the hero system can be fixed without outside intervention. He’s done with how the media acts, he’s done with the blame being shifted to victims based on their quirks, and he’s done with the lies he’s been fed all his life.

Prior to this he started researching and planning what actual change would look like and require.

He meets up with Dabi, who’d only let the rest of the league know about the bet a few days prior. He was curious if Katsuki would keep his word or not. Dabi prods Katsuki gently, saying he knew the kid took honestly seriously but he’s still kinda surprised to see him go this far over a bet. Katsuki replies explaining it’s more than the bet. He talks about what he’s seen, and the failure of hero society to change. It’s more than enough to convince Dabi.

Dabi brings him to a secure location, then relays information to Shigaraki. Shigaraki is hesitant, he’s surprised Katsuki came back to them, but when Katsuki explains his side of things, and with Dabi vouching for him, Shigaraki decides to let him in. He can understand what it’s like to fall for hero society. He did for awhile too. Katsuki just needed more time on his own to realize that.

There’s an introduction period, the league is still figuring themselves out and most of them are hesitant to trust Katsuki. It’s about a week before he’s properly reintroduced to everyone and gets the sense that they’re not headed in any particular direction.

After that week, Katsuki decides “fuck that, I’m going to do shit, y'all are coming along” and since Shigaraki doesn’t really have anything better in mind, he decides to go along with Katsuki’s plans.

UA started panicking as soon as they realized Katsuki was gone, but nobody really knows what happened to him yet. Since he took all his stuff with him, all signs point to him having run away.

Izuku refuses to believe that, and most of the class holds out hope for awhile, but as no evidence turns up, more of them start to think it might be true and start discovering the amount of harassment and guilt he was facing.

There’s about a month and a half period in which Katsuki focuses on getting the league in shape. During this period, they do a forcible take over of the Shie Hassaikai.

Overhaul is killed, Eri goes under Katsuki’s care, and the league is established as a much more powerful force.

The Hero Commission is starting to get nervous, but not overly so. Not yet.

After this month and a half, Katsuki makes his first public appearance as a villain.

He’s in an updated version of his costume, most of it has stayed the same, but he’s added what looks like muzzle to the costume that covers his mouth. The muzzle actually functions as face shield/oxygen system so he can move at much faster speeds safely.

Katsuki’s villain debut is a full scale attack by the league on the Hero Commission directly. An event meant that the Hero Commission had gathered in a relatively accessible location, and the villains take advantage.

Importantly, Katsuki is enforcing a policy of limiting needless harm or deaths, because it ruins their message. The league reluctantly agrees, so they’re being a bit more careful than they were before. However, they’ve still got a hit list for this party.

The list consists of officials who they have confirmation deliberately manipulated polices or actions of heroes at the cost of people’s lives, all for some private gain. They do a lot of damage, and manage to kill 7 people on their list.

Katsuki’s first kill happens here. Previously, he’d managed to defeat Overhaul, but wasn’t quite able to kill him. He just wasn’t ready.

Shigaraki took care of it for him, and told him it was fine if he needed time to learn to kill. He was kind and understanding about it in a way that was genuinely weird to Katsuki. Not only because this was all about murder, but it was the first time in his life that he failed and an adult supported him rather than punishing him for his mistake.

At this event, one of the people he takes down tries to appeal to him by offering him a position as a hero to save themselves, and that pushes him over the line. He ends it quickly.

The league escape afterwards, and footage plus eyewitnesses confirm Katsuki was there, and he didn’t say a word to anyone he attacked.

UA, the Hero Commission, and the media collectively assume / sell the story of him having been brainwashed. It’s the only thing that doesn’t make them look horrible.

Aizawa has been weighed down by a lot of guilt during all of this. He should’ve done more, should’ve reached out, but he’d been waiting for Katsuki to come to him. He’s tried to find Katsuki, but Katsuki has purposefully avoided facing him in battle as Aizawa is one of the few people he doesn’t feel like he could hurt or allow one of the other villains to hurt.

The attacks start getting frequent over the course of another month, primarily targeting the people behind the scenes of the heroic’s system, with a lot of other targets of corruption along the way.

On his third attack, Katsuki has his first run in with Izuku, the first of any of his classmates to face him in battle.

Katsuki refuses to speak a word to him, despite the fact Izuku heard him giving directions to Toga, and the two clash.

Katsuki manages to pull ahead in their fight, but he’s distracted from their fight by someone caught in the crossfire. He diverts course to protect them. Izuku was so hyperfocused on Katsuki he didn’t notice the person. It throws him off enough that Katsuki is able to win their fight complete his goal.

After their clash, Izuku’s finally realized Katsuki isn’t brainwashed. Given what happened, he can only assume it really is Kacchan making all these choices, which leads him to reflect on why.

 Between slowly uncovering what Katsuki was suffering through, and watching Katsuki’s actions and their very real impact, Izuku finds himself struggling with the idea of heroes as well. Most of Class 1-A and society as a whole really are.

Shouto & Izuku talk, and Izuku confirms that it really is Katsuki. Not a brainwashed version of him.

At the end of their conversation, Shouto assumes that because it’s really Katsuki, they’re gonna go join him. He defects, and is a bit surprised when Izuku doesn’t follow him right away.

Dabi almost has a heart attack over this, but he can’t really judge.

Shouto is accepted into the league after he and Katsuki talk and he apologizes for not having done anything. Katsuki doesn’t blame him for it, as he understands Shouto had no real sense of what was okay.

Eri gains a new older brother, and she could not be more delighted.

During this period, after the first attack, Hawks was sent in to infiltrate the league. Katsuki can smell the commission on him from a mile away, but tells Dabi to kind of let Hawks in anyways.

The league begins slowly working Hawks out of the Commissions control, before finally after about three months, Hawks realizes how shitty they are and defects properly.

A big part of this happens after Hawks finally comes to terms with the fact that Katsuki isn’t brainwashed, and after Hawks meets Eri and realizes how happy and safe she is with her new family vs how he felt at that age with the Commission.

By the end of that three months, a number of other class 1-A kids and a few kids from 1-B have dropped out of the hero course, or in some cases, UA entirely. The public at large has started to become more disconnected from the hero system as they start to see some of it’s major flaws. The Commission comes under more and more questioning and is seriously losing power.

During this same time, you’d expect to see an increase in crime, but you actually see the opposite.

Katsuki has been very careful and forged an alliance with the MLA such that they’ve been able to crack down on certain types of crime (domestic violence, quirk kidnappings, sexual assaults, etc) while also steadily funneling money into getting social services in theses areas.

This means that you start to see less crime, people feeling safer and more secure, even as the hero commission and system is crumbling.

All of this comes together after a year or two of solid in the form of the government submitting to a major reform driven by figure heads planted by the MLA, but only after the league manages to eliminate the last key figures standing in their way.

Since so many heroes have either fallen from grace, stepped back from the system, or been killed in certain cases, Izuku ended up as an unwilling symbol of peace due to his connection to Katsuki.

Izuku is tasked by what’s left of the heroics system with stopping Katsuki from killing the final major figure whose all that’s standing in the way of the reform.

Izuku, in the end, makes the active choice to step aside, giving Katsuki the key he was given to the room so Katsuki can get to the person to kill them.

Izuku finally decided that he’s had enough of this too, and he’s done defending a broken system based on ingrained ideals that don’t add up.

Aizawa is watching inside the room up in the rafters, he’s stayed a hero of sorts but still functions like he did before.

Inside the room, Aizawa had the chance to cancel Katsuki’s quirk and stop him from killing the person. Instead, he chose to close his eyes and let Katsuki go through with it.

Katsuki looks up to where Aizawa is once it’s done, and Aizawa realizes he knew he was there the entire time. He hops down out into the open and speaks plainly as he always did.

“I’m sorry.” Is all he can really say. There’s so much he’s sorry for. For not speaking up. For letting Katsuki be put through so much. For letting him be driven to this.

Katsuki looks at him for a long, long moment, before he finally looks away and shrugs his shoulders. For the very first time in years, he speaks to a hero. To the only hero who ever tried for him, even if it wasn’t enough.

“S'okay. The problem was bigger than you every could’ve fixed.”

“I should’ve tried. I should’ve done more.”

Again, Katsuki needs a moment to consider that.

“Yeah. Probably.”

There’s silence for a few moments, and then Katsuki’s radio crackles to life. Dabi’s calling him back.

They share one more glance, and Katsuki turns on his heel and walks out.

Aizawa watches him go. There’s nothing else for him to do. His right to change this story ended when he failed to speak up all those years ago.

[wintervvidow]

apricity pt. two

apricity - the warmth of the sun in winter

warnings: angst, blood, violence,

pairing: bucky barnes x female oc

word count: 2,956

A/N: part two is here! I did unintentionally rush through this chapter because I am so excited to start the civil war segment of this story. feedback is welcomed, let me know how you are liking it! thank you for reading!

MASTERLIST

Bucky’s cheek stung after the third slap from Pierce, the flesh bright red and warm to the touch. He continued fighting his restraints as he had been for the past hour. He had just been wiped, HYDRA needed to start fresh. Sweat trickled from his hairline to his jugular as he yanked and squirmed in the chair.

Alexander lost his patience an hour ago, Bucky hadn’t stopped talking about the girl on the bridge, “She doesn’t love you! If she did, she would have come back for you. We’re trying to correct the world, and we need you to do that. You want to be useful, don’t you?”

Bucky stared ahead emotionless, ignoring Pierce’s words. She loved him. Her eyes told him so, the look on her face from the bridge continued to haunt him even after being reprogrammed. He knew her. She was good. She was home.

A hand came down against Bucky's face again, harder than the last, “You are an asset. She is what we are fighting against. The world deserves freedom and that is what HYDRA is doing. You don’t do your part and I can’t do mine.”

Bucky softly murmured, voice raw from screaming, “But I knew her.”

Alexander clenched his fist as he stood from his chair placed in front of Bucky, “Wipe him again.”

Soon the air was filled with Bucky’s screams again, torturous and raw. Brock Rumlow looked on in silence, taking in the sight before him. This, he could work with.

~

The team consisting of Florence, Steve, Natasha, Sam, Maria, and Fury were littered throughout the vacant underground room, lights dim and the air heavy with stale humidity. Steve and Sam stood while the remaining few were seated at a long conference table. Fury had documents scattered in front of him, Maria with a laptop, typing away intently.

Fury held an image of Pierce from the ’80s in his hand, “This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize. He said peace wasn’t an achievement, it was a responsibility.” Fury threw the picture onto the table, “See, it’s stuff like this that gives me trust issues.”

Natasha speaks from her chair next to her fellow redheaded friend, a solemn expression on her face, “We have to stop the launch.” Alexander was planning on using Project Insight, which consisted of three helicarriers that patrolled the Earth to eliminate threats, deployed after the Battle of New York, only this time it was being planned to be used as a way for HYDRA to eliminate any threats to themselves. The operation was now turned against them.

Fury looked at Natasha with an eyebrow raised, “I don’t think the Council’s accepting my calls anymore.” He flipped open a briefcase, revealing three data chips.

Behind Florence, Sam spoke with arms crossed tightly over his chest, “What’s that?”

Maria flipped her laptop around, showing the team a diagram of data, “Once the helicarriers reach 3,000 feet, they’ll triangulate with Insight satellites, becoming fully weaponized.”

“We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own.” Fury gestured to the case in front of him.

Maria flipped her laptop back around, “One or two won’t cut it. We need to link all three carriers for this to work because if even one of those ships remains operational, a whole lot of people are gonna die.” The entire team grimaced.

All eyes were on Fury as he spoke, “We have to assume everyone on those carriers is HYDRA. We have to get past them, insert these server blades. And maybe, just maybe we can salvage what’s left.”

Florence and Steve shared a look, Florence knew Steve wouldn’t let that happen, “We’re not salvaging anything. We’re not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We’re taking down S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Fury snapped back at Steve, “S.H.I.E.L.D. had nothing to do with this.”

“You gave me this mission, this is how it ends. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s been compromised. You said so yourself. HYDRA grew right under your nose and nobody noticed.” Steve’s face was set, his entire body taking on the posture of command.

Fury gestured around the room with his hands before setting them back on the table, “Why do you think we’re meeting in this cave? I noticed.”

Steve’s face remained cold, “How many paid the price before you did?” Florence read between the lines, she knew what he was asking and it felt like a punch to the gut.

Fury bowed his head as Florence looked away, “Look, I didn’t know about Barnes.” No one did.

Steve scoffed, “Even if you had, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that too? Like Florence.”

“Hey, she did what she had to. You did not go through what she did.” Florence looked to Fury with kindness in her tired eyes, silently thanking him.

Steve interrupted the tender moment, continuing his speech, “S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA, it all goes.”

“He’s right. It all has to go.” All eyes darted to Maria, a silent understanding that Steve was right. This was the beginning of the end.

Fury looks around, eyes landing on Sam, “Don’t look at me.” Sam nods his head to Steve, “I do what he does, just slower.”

Steve stood at the head of the table, staring at Fury as he leaned back in his chair, “Looks like you’re giving the orders now, Captain.”

The team was given their tasks, parting their separate ways before the mission.

Florence found Steve outside, standing on the bridge lost in thought.

Florence sided up next to him, “Hey, I know you probably hate me right now, but-”

Steve cut her off, turning to face her, “I don’t hate you. I don’t. I’m just struggling to wrap my head around the fact that he’s been alive this entire time and you haven’t told one person. Not even me.”

“Steve, I tried. After I ran, I tried to go back for him but he wouldn’t let me; told me to run and to never come back for him. So I had to go into hiding. Seventeen years Steve. It’s not like I could walk into a government building and tell them without HYDRA catching wind. Hell, I could have been walking straight back into HYDRA. You have to understand that everything I’ve done has been to protect him. Everything.” By the end of the redheads’ speech, she was choking back tears, hands trembling at her sides. She bit her lip to quell the emotions running through her.

Steve placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, “I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

Silence fell over the two friends as both reminisced on the past, staring off into space.

Flashback:

Florence climbed the stairs behind Bucky and Steve to Steve’s family home. The mood was somber, Florence’s black funeral dress grazing her ankles as she stepped up the last step, standing next to Bucky.

“We looked for you after. My folks wanted to give you a ride to the cemetery.” Bucky’s tone was soft as he spoke to the heartbroken Steve.

“I know. Kinda wanted to be alone.” Steve stared at the ground as he spoke, never making eye contact with either Florence or Bucky.

Florence cocked her head to one side, gaze softly inquisitive as she looked at the small-statured man in front of her, “How was it?”

“It was okay. She’s next to dad.” The blonde’s tone was monotonous and quiet, understandably so.

Bucky shrugged his shoulders, “I was gonna ask-”

Steve cut him off as he reached his front door, hands fumbling in his pocket for the key, “I know what you’re gonna say, Buck, I just-”

“You can put the couch cushions on the floor, like when we were kids. It’ll be fun, all you gotta do is shine my shoes, maybe take out the trash.” Bucky reached down to move a brick, grabbing the key to the door and handing it to Steve, “Come on.”

Steve took the key, finally looking him in the eye, “Thank you, Buck. But I can get by on my own.”

Florence looked to Bucky, silently telling him to comfort their friend. Bucky nodded, speaking again, “The thing is, you don’t have to.” Bucky’s large hand clapped Steve on the shoulder, “Cuz me and Florence? We’re with you till the end of the line, pal.”

The moment was broken up by Sam, approaching the two old friends, “He’s gonna be there you know.”

“We know.” Both Steve and Florence were painfully aware of that fact.

“Look, whoever he used to be and the guy he is now, I don’t think he’s the kind you save. He’s the kind you stop.”

Steve looked to Sam, “I don’t know if I can do that.” Florence knew she couldn’t. Everything she has ever done, Bucky has always crossed her mind- how to help him, save him, protect him; always concerned about his well-being. And now she was forced to go against him.

“Well, he might not give you a choice. He doesn’t know either of you.” Sam twisted the knife with his last sentence, Florence and Steve grimacing at one another.

Steve spoke, looking at Florence for a last time then at Sam, “He will.” The blonde looked over the bridge, “Gear up. It’s time.”

The team changed into their gear and split up to where they were appointed: Natasha infiltrating a meeting with Alexander as a congresswoman with Fury as backup and releasing all HYDRA files, Maria preparing to order the attack to bring down the helicarriers, and Steve, Sam, and Florence to board the helicarrier to replace the targeting blades.

Sam called out to Steve as he walked away, "Wearing that?"

“No. If you’re gonna fight a war, you have to wear a uniform.”

~

Florence ran through the ship deck as fast as she could, doing her best to not get shot. Her earpiece kept her up to date, Natasha had just started releasing all of the files; her and Natasha’s secrets were now public along with the rest of HYDRA’s. Steve had already made it to the helicarrier, the redhead had gotten caught up with a HYDRA agent on the ground.

Florence was late to the party, Steve, and Bucky already furiously exchanging punches. She got to the top of the carrier as fast as she could with the help of Sam, her feet moving without thought. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Sam deploy his parachute after being kicked off by Bucky, now he was grounded.

Steve and Florence were on opposite ends of the carrier, Florence quickly making her way toward the two men.

Bucky threw Steve off of the top-level, Steve landing below with a thud, shield long gone in the Potomac beneath them.

Florence stared ahead, Bucky finally noticing her arrival. Both looked at the other in silence, gauging the situation at hand. His eyes were void of all emotion, this was not Bucky. The Soldier had a mission to kill her and Steve. Florence had a mission to keep Bucky alive, no matter the cost. If he was alive that meant there was hope to save him. You can’t save a dead man.

The silence was erupted by Florence, her mouth moving before her brain could stop, "Bucky, don't do this. You don't have to do this."

Tears welled up in her eyes unwillingly, the dam threatening to burst. Even if she knew deep down that he had been alive this entire time, a sliver of her always thought he was dead. Maybe her subconscious came up with that thought to protect herself, to make herself feel better about not being able to get him out. And she did try to get him out; she tried like hell. The first five years of her seventeen-year stint of being on the run was the worst. She was constantly moving locations, barely sleeping. And when she did sleep, she dreamt of Bucky- he was always screaming at her to go, save herself, and leave him behind. That was a detail that she would never tell Steve; if they even made it out alive of this situation. Steve wouldn’t understand, he was too stuck in his ways, he would have tried to get him out anyway. He would disregard any command in order to save Bucky even if the demand came straight from Bucky’s mouth. He would never truly understand why Florence did what she did. Maybe it was better that way.

He furrows his brow, lines etching themselves between his steel-blue eyes, "You're my mission."

A single breath is taken before he swings at her, metal arm glinting in the light as she dodges his punch, sweeping under his outstretched arm. She wasn't going to fight back. She couldn't.

Bucky turns violently, eyes hard, set on her. He lunges again as her weapon clatters to the ground of the helicarrier. Now Florence was defenseless. Although it's not like she was fighting back anyway. She'd let him kill her. If that kept him alive, she'd do it. It's not like he remembers her anyway, you can't mourn a person you don't remember.

She takes three steps back, her back colliding with the wall behind her as Bucky stalks forward. His breath fans across her face as he stands in front of her. She notices a stall in his motions, practically seeing his brain malfunction. His head was fighting with his heart.

A fist flies next to her head, Bucky purposely missing as he punches the wall again. His face twisted in pain, he was fighting himself. He couldn't do this. He knew her. His body knew her, pieces of memories played through his brain as he continued to punch the wall, a ring, her hand in his, dog tags being placed around her neck, all of it hurt. Florence was frozen in place as Bucky's fists continued flying next to her, "Go! You need to go!"

He remembered her.

Just as Steve ordered Maria to fire at the carrier, Bucky shoved Florence, causing her to tumble over the edge, joining Steve at the bottom of the carrier as it went up in flames. The carrier was under fire from all sides, jostling violently, causing Bucky to fall along with her. He landed away from Florence and Steve, being pinned under the debris.

Steve got to his feet, swaying as he stumbled over to Bucky who was struggling under the weight of the metal beam. Steve wedged the beam up, freeing Bucky. The girl remained on the ground, curling into a ball from the pain of the impact of the fall.

Florence rose to her feet as Steve told Bucky that he knew them. Bucky’s metal arm reeled back, punching Steve in the face as he screamed, “No I don’t!”

“Buck, we’ve known you your whole life.” Florence’s voice trembled as he hit Steve again, effectively knocking him to the ground.

Steve stood again, “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes.”

Bucky punched Steve in the face for a final time, the force knocking him off the carrier and into the river below. Florence scrambled to stand in front of Bucky, making him really look at her. To truly see her, to see what he was doing. Her face was bleeding, soot smudged across her forehead, sweat mixing with tears and blood flowing down her face.

“I’m not gonna fight you. I love you.” Florence’s body shook with sobs as Bucky tackled her to the ground.

His frame towered over hers, his body heaving as he spoke, “You’re my mission.” His fist flew next to her head, once, twice; never actually hitting her. Florence could see the struggle in his eyes. He was a broken man without a home.

“You don’t love me. You left me!” Bucky’s fist continued flying next to Florence’s head, the plexiglass cracking. Pierce’s words looped in his mind, she didn’t love him. She left him. She abandoned him. She was his mission.

Florence took a heaving breath in, “Yes I do, I do love you. I tried to get you out, I did, you wouldn’t let me, I tried, I-” Bucky interrupted her by pressing his flesh hand against her throat and applying pressure.

He leaned down, only inches between their faces as he applied more pressure around her throat and choking her. He grit his teeth as he choked her harder, brunette hair dangling in his face. This was it. This was Florence’s last chance, “It’s okay. It’s okay. I love you, it’s okay.” If these were the last words Bucky would ever hear from her, she was okay with that. She needed him to know that it was okay. He was doing what he had been forced to do, it wasn’t him. She needed him to know that she understood.

The hand from her throat disappeared, Bucky leaning back above her, staring at her with glassy eyes. Florence struggled for breath as she watched Bucky process her words. Debris fell around them, Bucky hovering over her to protect her from the falling particles. A large engine fell next to them, shattering the glass and sending Florence falling straight into the Potomac, Bucky hanging onto the carrier from a beam as he watched his lover fall into the water below.

Bucky dragged Steve out of the water with his metal arm while the other balanced Florence against his shoulder, ignoring the burning pain of his flesh arm as her head rested on his neck. He placed the two unconscious Avengers on the riverbank, taking one last look at them before he disappeared, becoming a ghost yet again.

FEEDBACK IS WELCOMED. IF YOU ENJOYED, PLEASE REBLOG!

taglist: @tanyaherondale   @lilyviolets   @jckie94

[jimlingss]

The Art of Benefits

➜ Words: 9.8k

➜ Genres: 50% Fluff, 50% Smut, FWB!AU

➜ Summary: There's only one aspect of your life that's missing: sex. But you know yourself. You catch feelings as quickly as you catch colds. But when your friend arranges a meeting with a certain Park Jimin, you'll become inclined to learn the craft of detachment, aka. the art of benefits.

➜ Warning: sex, sexual discussions, toys, sucking dick, period sex, etc.

cr.

[2nd Year Fall Semester]   Life as a sophomore wasn’t shabby.   Assignments, papers and midterms came and went with decent grades that you eventually forgot about. Lectures, club meetings, and studying took most of your time too. But Christmas was arriving and that meant it was sweater weather. It also meant that snow was dusting from the sky and you were watching couples cozying up and keeping each other warm from across the dining center.   It was unfair really. You were cold too. In fact, most of the time you happen to be cold. And while relationships were too much of a time commitment for you to take on, you deserved a cuddle buddy just as much as the next person. Or a fuck buddy. Either works really.   You’ve never been opposed to a friends with benefits relationship.    The only problem is, it would never work for you.   But if you somehow learnt to detach your emotions, it could be the most efficient thing yet. After all, good sex with another warm body was the only aspect in your life that you were missing.   “I mean it’s possible. A lot of people start friends with benefits relationships on campus,” Wendy says as she stuffs her face with her sub sandwich and muses mid-chew, “There’s actually a lot of candidates to choose from.”   You’re exasperated at her nonchalance. As if it’s as easy as going to the supermarket and picking someone up. “Who?!”    You need someone who would be on the same page as you, with the same priorities, a good sex partner who wouldn’t catch feelings either. But frankly, you don’t know that many people.    “Well, what about that guy from your class that you were crushing on? Didn’t you say he was super smart? Might help you on your assignments too.”   “Namjoon?” You shake your head. “He’s got a girlfriend.”   “Okay. What about that older guy in your board games club?”   “No. Seokjin’s graduating next semester.”   Wendy hums, eyes flickering around the dining hall center as she contemplates. “How about Yoongi? From what you’ve told me, he seems pretty cool.”   You loll your head to one side and stab your sweet and sour chicken. “I’m not going to sleep with someone from work. That sounds like a disaster waiting.”   “Jungkook?”   “That’s weird. We went to the same elementary school together.” You can still remember his bowl cut hair as clear as day, and not to mention, the two of you share a group of friends. If things go downhill, it would be a complete mess. The epitome of inefficiency. Which is counterproductive to your goal.   “Taehyung?” At this point, Wendy’s just listing out random people that you know, but you play along just for amusement.   “Nah. Yena has a crush on him.”   She takes another clean bite of her sandwich. “What about that guy that works at that McDonalds that you find cute. What’s his name? Hugo? Howard?”   “Hoseok,” you correct with a feigned glare that makes her smile. “And that’s a big fat no. He doesn’t even know I exist. What am I supposed to do? Waltz up to him and ask to be fuck buddies?”   She grins. “Well, I mean—”   “It wouldn’t work,” you deadpan before she laughs and in turn, makes you giggle too.   The chatter of the room settles in your ears as background noise. You gaze out the window to the sparkling snow piles that reflect the lampposts soft, white light. The sun has long fallen even though it’s only six p.m. The low lights peeking through the somber clouds covering the horizon does little. You dread the thought of having to venture out into the cold and catch the bus home.   You don’t notice how Wendy’s looking at you while she sips on her water. Not until she hums. “You know what? I know someone I could hook you up with.”   Your brow cocks and the corner of your mouth twitches. “Is he a fuckboy?”   Your long time friend shrugs with a glint in her eyes that makes you unsure if she’s serious or not. Wendy once joked that she had a boyfriend from Northern Canada and convinced you hard enough that you legitimately believed her for a good month. So you can never be quite certain when it comes to her. For all you know, she could just be making it up to entertain you.   “Sort of, but he’s a nice one.” Wendy stays vague. “He was my lab partner.”   You stare at her and when her expression remains blank, you scoff. “Sure, sure,” you draw out the syllables with a small laugh and bat the air with your hand just to end the conversation.   And when it’s never discussed again, Wendy moving on to tell you a story about something she suddenly remembers, you’d one day come to realize that was a terrible, terrible mistake.   //   That one day is now.   3:50pm. Wendy: hey i set up a meeting what that guy 3:50pm. Wendy: third floor library  3:50pm. Wendy: he’s in a red hat btw   The text comes right when you’re leaving your last lecture of the day.   3:51pm. Y/N: what guy   3:53pm. Wendy: your future fwb   3:53pm. Y/N: ?????????????????????????????????/ 3:53pm. Y/N: ???????????????? 3:54pm. Y/N: wtf i wasn’t SERIOUS   3:54pm. Wendy: wat   3:54pm. Y/N: I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING   3:56pm. Wendy: lmao too late 3:56pm. Wendy: at least meet him he’s waiting sis   3:54pm. Y/N: can’t you cancel?????????   3:57pm. Wendy: n a h   You nearly burst an artery in your temple at the emojis and memes she spams to you.   3:59pm. Wendy: I already told him the gist btw 4:00pm. Wendy: don’t chicken out   With no other choice, you make a u-turn and head towards the library with too many thoughts swirling inside your brain. Chances are this stranger is going to see you, think you’re ugly as shit and try to back out of it. It’s going to be awkward as all hell and you’re not sure you’re ready to have this traumatizing memory for the rest of your life.   Then again, you wonder how Wendy even convinced this dude to meet up. If he’s really that easy going. If this is a typical thing people do now. Or maybe Wendy showed a picture of you on your insta and he agreed afterwards — it wouldn’t be the first time she did that, much to your embarrassment. But you hope it’s the latter case. At least that eliminates the possibility of him trying to backpedal his way out of it after seeing your face.   You also wonder how the hell you’re going to find him. The library is full of students, the rowdy ones and the studious ones being disturbed by them. You wonder what he looks like, what he’ll be like. Third floor. Male. Red hat.   You arrive at the appropriate floor and begin scanning the premise, walking around as your eyes sweep the area. Almost immediately you catch a brunette hunched over and on his phone by the table. He’s wearing a red cap on backwards, purple tee shirt. He has a frat boy aesthetic.   Not really the type you go for.   Looking over him, you round the computers, bookshelves and tables. But finding no one else with a red hat on the third floor, you sharply inhale and approach the boy with his fluffy cheek rested in his hand, arm propped up on the table lazily. Scrolling through his phone.   “Excuse me.”    Your voice is light and hesitant as if you were asking help from someone at the front desk and not seeing if this was a potential fuck buddy. It’s mortifying to say the least.   His head lifts, brown eyes catching the lights.   You clear your throat. “Wendy…”   “Oh. You’re her, right?” He smiles and thankfully, doesn’t seem to be disappointed. “Wendy’s friend?”   “Yeah. I’m Y/N.”   “Jimin.”   Now that you get a closer look, he’s kind of cute. But you don’t dwell. Or look him in the eye.   It feels like a job interview. But worse. “You were Wendy’s lab partner?”   “That’s me.” He pockets his phone. “I’m a kines major. You?”   “I’m in the arts faculty. Political science.”   “Cool, cool.” Jimin nods and then gets to business without any shame, “So Wendy already told me about it. You’re looking to have a friends with benefits relationship?”   “Yeah….about that….”   “I’m down if you are.” His hand opens up, gesturing to you. You’re not sure how you feel about how laid-back he is, but he remains upfront which you suppose is the right thing to do. “I have a dorm room in the Sierra building by the engineering faculty building if you know where that is.”   “I’ve walked past it before.”   “Cool. Anyway, my last f.w.b. ended two months ago and I kind of miss it,” he quickly clarifies, “The sex, I mean.”   You’re speechless and contemplating if you really want to do this. You know if it works out, it’ll be fairly efficient. You’ve always gotten off by yourself and while it works, it’s not something you’d call completely satisfying. Having someone’s help— good help — is a change you’ve been considering. But a friends with benefits situation has always been one of those ‘what if’ scenarios. You've just never had an opportunity like this to make it actually happen.   Jimin senses your hesitance and leans forward. He lowers his volume. “Are you a virgin? Cause I’m cool with—”   You scoff. “No. I’m not. I just...haven’t done something like this before.”   “Friends with benefits?” His question is answered by your body language. “It’s not bad. Safer than one night stands and more consistent too. You don’t have to go out and find someone every time you want to have sex. And it’s a low level commitment.”   The corner of your mouth pulls and you agree. “It’s efficient. But...I need time to think about it.”   “Sure. Tell me when you make up your mind. I’ll give you my number.” He opens his hand again and you pass him your phone. He quickly types it in. “Take your time.”   //   And you do.   You weigh the pros and cons against each other, considering every possibility and all the consequences. Part of you wants to just go for it. The same part that once decided in high school at midnight that bangs would be a hot look on you. (It wasn’t). The part of you that dyed your hair blue that one summer on a whim. The part that doesn’t want to think and wants to jump head first into things. Jimin made a lot of good pointers too and you’re certain this would be a good outlet. An experience. It helps that he’s quite attractive too and seems to be trustworthy and rational.   Yet, part of you wonders if it would be a bad decision.   There’s a chance that you might catch feelings. For you, it wouldn’t be unheard of either. You have a tendency to catch feelings as fast as you catch colds. And you already know that’s the demise of these kinds of relationships. Once a party gets involved too deep, it’s game over. There’s nothing but heartbreak.   The only way it would work is if you minimize your interactions with him.   The less attached you are, the less likely you are to develop feelings for him since the only way you would like anyone is if you knew them. So the less you know, the better the outcome.    It’s an equation.    It’s the art of the benefits.   And if that works, if you master the art, it would solve every potential issue.   The dorms for sophomores are bigger than the ones for first year freshmen. Instead of a single room with two beds on either side by the walls, there are private bedrooms with just a shared bathroom, a main living space and kitchen.    “Bathrooms are over here,” Jimin gestures. There’s one room at the end of the hall and another one beside his. “Both my roommates are out, so you don’t have to worry. They’re pretty nice.”   You feel awkward lingering at the entryway with your backpack on.   You clear your throat. “Can I get a drink?”   “Oh yeah. There’s new water bottles by the sink, I think, and there’s orange juice in the fridge if you’d like.”   “No, I mean, do you have anything alcoholic?” you correct and he blinks at you owlishly before smiling. You drop your bag and find it in the fridge, a whole vodka bottle. You fill a shot up with a glass on the drying rack. The clear liquid burns as it travels to the back of your throat. The bitter taste nearly makes you gag, but you feel your face warm and you ease even more, knowing it works.   In the meanwhile, Jimin studies you, standing from across the kitchen island. His hands are casually dug into the pockets of his gray sweats. “We won’t have to follow through with this, you know. I’m fine either way.”   “No,” you quickly refute, irrationally afraid he’s changed his mind. And the words spill out of you as you cringe, “I’m horny as shit, I’mjustnervous.”   The guy smiles, eyes slightly crinkled when he does so. “Of what?”   “A lot of things.” You don’t pour a second shot even though you kind of want to. But you have things to do tomorrow, so you can’t nurse a hangover and you most certainly don’t want to be drunk while doing this. “If you didn’t notice, I don’t do this often.”   While you’re at it, you tell him, “I don’t know how to suck dick.”   He leans against the counter, grinning. “Okay. I don’t mind.”   “Also, if you haven’t noticed either, my ass is kind of deflated.”   Jimin shrugs. “I’m more of a boob man anyway.”    You narrow your eyes, not sure if he’s lying or trying to make you feel better.   But there’s no time to dwell when he seriously asks— “Do you still want to do this?”   It takes a second for you to muster your courage. And once you do, you know you won’t back down. “All right. Let’s do this!” You walk into his room like you’re about to go fight off a monster.   Behind you, Jimin grins and it takes a good moment for him to calm you down.   “Are you okay with kissing?” he asks, door shut and distance closed. He’s intimately close and you nod.   Finally, your brain stops overthinking and you let yourself feel. Jimin’s lips are full and plush, and they’re good against yours. The soft smacking fills his room. The two of you kiss until your lips part and he begins to lick into your mouth, tongue entering without much hesitation.   You fall back onto the mattress, noticing that the bed’s been made sloppily, but better than your own. The pair of you keep kissing and he hovers over you, capturing you against the sheets. Pathetically enough, you already begin to feel your center throbbing and it’s a relief when you both get rid of your clothes.   He doesn’t talk much — doesn’t give much commentary or even dirty talk. But you don’t mind. All you’re offering after all is soft sighs and quiet moans.   Jimin squeezes your breasts and fingers you for a good minute. He’s surprised to see how wet you are, even letting out an ‘oh shit’, but you make no efforts to come up with an excuse. The stretch feels good from his thick fingers, but you bet it’ll feel good around his girthy cock too.   He goes to grab a condom from his drawer, but pauses.   “Do...you want me to eat you out?”   “I’m good,” you politely decline, afraid it might be too intimate. You’re not sure where the lines are drawn, but it’s something you’ll have to gauge while you go. “Do you want me to suck your dick? You might have to teach me though.”   The corner of his mouth tugs. “I’m good too.”   As Jimin rips open the condom package, you turn yourself around and get onto all fours. He doesn’t protest and when he enters you, it feels good enough for you to fall forward into the pillows. His cock is of average size, but he’s girthy and your cunt stretches to accommodate him.   He groans in his throat when you clench — and the sound gets you off, making you squeeze again. Jimin pounds into you, his pelvis hitting the meat of your ass, cock drawing in and out against your tight, warm walls. You do your best to meet his thrusts halfway, jerking your hips back and you stifle your moans with your teeth sunk into your bottom lip. The sloppy sounds of slapping and the creaking of his bed makes you glad his roommates are gone. And while the sex is not mind-blowing per se, it’s still good. Enough that you climax once he rubs your clit several times and he unloads into the condom too.   It’s easier than you thought it would be. Not a big deal whatsoever. It took ten minutes in total and it felt good.   It’s just sex — and that’s exactly it. Just sex. The very lesson of the art of benefits.   You pick up your clothes off the floor, slipping them back on. “I gotta get going.”   There’s no snuggling, no cuddling, no pillow talks. And it doesn’t seem like he minds whatsoever.   “‘Kay.” Jimin picks up his phone off his bedside table to check his texts and waves goodbye without even looking at you.   You leave, walking yourself out and humming as you stride down the hall.    You’re glad you went through with it.

[2nd Year Winter Semester]   You run there with your sandwich stuffed in your cheek.   By the time Jimin opens the door, you’re still chewing while panting. It’s a comical sight by the way he smiles at you. You’re already winded before anything’s started. “I hadn’t eaten yet and I needed to get my blood sugar up.”   Jimin’s lips are quirked. “We can always eat beforehand, you know. There’s food in the fridge.”   “Nah, I’m good.” Having meals with your friends with benefits is the last thing on your mind.   He shrugs. “Suit yourself.”   You use his bathroom, releasing your bladder and rinsing your mouth thoroughly. You know yourself and you’re not a novice on how these relationships work. The less interaction and knowledge you have about him, the more you can keep your distance.   “G-God,” he exhales shakingly, hand fisted in your hair. “You’re getting b-better at this….”   Jimin watches through heavy lids as you’re slobbering over his cock. He tries his best to watch, but when you run your tongue over the weeping slit at the bulborous head, his eyes shut and his head naturally knocks back. You’ve gotten better at a lot of things in the few months that have passed, namely sucking dick, but your jaw aches and you wonder when he’s going to cum.   It’s worth it though. You might be the one kneeling in front of him, but you feel powerful. It’s too easy to make him crumble. To make him moan like that. It makes you wet to hear him and knowing you could bite off his dick or make him lose a load, the sheer power eggs you on.   Like you were taught, you inhale, ease your muscles and take Jimin as far as you can.   He chokes as his cock hits the back of your throat. Your gag reflexes threaten your endeavour but you keep them at bay and Jimin’s hand in your hair tightens. Especially when you swallow.   “Fuck. I-I’m going to cum.”   Thank god. Finally!   Usually, you let off so he can cum elsewhere (god forbid in your hair) or if he accidentally does it in your mouth, you spit it out on tissue. But this time, you made a commitment to yourself. You came here with a goal. So you inhale again and deep throat him, sucking as much as you can.   With his curly pubic hair grazing your nose, Jimin cums. His groans staccato. His cock twitches.   And you swallow the bitter, white fluid that comes out in ribbons.   After a few seconds, you finally withdraw. Jimin opens his eyes, staring at you in wonderment. There are strands of saliva from between his softened cock to your lips and you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.   “Not gonna lie.” You clear your throat and swallow down the remaining taste. “That’s really nasty.”   Jimin bursts out laughing.   “Thanks.”    “It’s the least I can do.” You stand up, shaking your left leg awake. It feels like pins and needles when you step around. “I’ve sat on your face like twice already.”   You toss Jimin his pants off the ground and you get your cardigan back on.   “You wanna come over on Friday?”   “Uh…” You grab your phone from your jacket that’s also been discarded and check your calendar. “Sorry. Can’t. I’m busy on that day.”   His brows raise, but he doesn’t question it.   “How about Saturday?” you offer.   “No. I have a kines exam scheduled.”   Your face twists in disgust. “On a Saturday?”   “Yep. I know. It sucks.”   You sympathize, but you’re also surprised. “I didn’t know you were a kines major.”   “What? I thought I told you.”   “Guess I forgot.” You put yourself back together and a thought strikes you. Your eyes light up and you turn to your friend with glittering eyes. “Does that mean you can crack bones? I’ve always wanted to go to a chiropractor since my lower back always hurts. You should crack it for me.”   Jimin grins. “Sorry, I don’t know how to do that. They don’t really teach you that kind of stuff.”   “Oh.” Your eyes dim and you don’t try to hide your disappointment. You almost thought you could get a little more out of him, but you suppose decent sex is enough.    As you grab your bag, you notice that his phone lights up. “You got a text from Victoria.”   “Thanks.” He reaches over, but the curious expression on your face must be visible, since he says, “Don’t worry. She’s not my girlfriend or anything. She’s just someone I’m kind of into.”   “Nice!”   The corner of Jimin’s mouth quirks at your genuinely excited response even though he never looks away from the screen. You’re psyched though. If he has an interest in someone else, there’s less chance for anyone to catch feelings. Fewer connections. More distance.   “If you ever want to end this, just let me know.” You throw your backpack on that’s heavy with your laptop and textbooks inside.   “Yeah.”   “I’m going now.”   “Bye.” Jimin’s fingers fly across the screen to text the other girl back and neither of you spare each other a glance. The door shuts moments later and the noise echoes through the walls.

[3rd Year Fall Semester]   In spite of being a junior now, things have relatively remained the same.   According to course outlines, lectures are more in-depth in their content, but there’s still assignments, papers, and midterms. The grading schemes haven’t changed and you know there’s a shit ton of work waiting for you in the coming months. But you find pleasure wherever you can.   The door opens, but it’s not Jimin on the other side.   “Hey, Y/N.” Taemin, his roommate, is eating chips. “He’s in his room.”   “Thanks.”   You shuffle inside and after briefly greeting Jongin, the other roommate, who’s busy playing Animal Crossing on the living room couch, you beeline to his room. You find Jimin hunched over his messy desk, rounded spectacles on the bridge of his nose as he’s tapping furiously across his laptop keyboard.   He glances at you. “Sorry. I need a second.”   “Take your time.”    You set down your bag and shed your coat, tossing it aside. You’re not sure what he’s doing, but you don’t ask. Instead, you pull out your phone and run through your usual apps. With no messages to answer or anything to scroll through, you check your email and find the words ‘emergency’ in one of the subject lines.   After a minute, Jimin saves his document and closes the lid of his laptop. He stretches above his head with a groan and turns around, only to find you now hunched over your own device.   “Sorry,” you mutter once you feel his gaze on you. “My manager needs me to fill out my timesheet and send it to her.”   “I didn’t know you worked.”   “Just part-time at the admissions office here on campus.” You go quiet as you skim over your email again to ensure it makes sense. “It’s a pretty easy gig.”   He hums and you finish, shutting your laptop and sticking it back into your bag. That’s when you finally get a good look at the boy across the room — dark hair, blue shirt and gray sweats — and you notice how tan he’s gotten. It’s a good look.    Your mouth tugs. “Did you travel over the summer?”   “I went to the Caribbean with my family for like two weeks.”   “Fancy.”   “It was alright.” He gets up and re-stacks the textbooks on his desk into a single pile. Jimin notices the stack of flyers he was supposed to distribute. “Oh yeah. Do you want to join the crayon club?”   Your brow lifts. “The crayon club?”   “Yeah, you can come colour every Wednesday night and just hang out with people.” Jimin grins boyishly. “My friend wanted to make a club and he made me the communications executive. I’m supposed to get people to join. You don’t have to, but the first meet and greet is this Friday, and the more people the better. There’s gonna be free food by the way, if that helps.”   You’re not sure that's a good idea.   The two of you have never really met up outside of his dormitory, aside from the first time you met at the library.   “Let me check my calendar.” You grab your phone again and thoughtlessly mumble, “Sometimes I’m busy on Friday. I’m part of the board games club and we meet up every other week…..don’t judge.”   “I’m not.”    Still, Jimin's smile widens and you feign a pout.    You’re free this week.   “I’ll come if you make me an executive too,” you quip carelessly while tossing your phone aside. “It’ll look good on my law application.”   Jimin quirks his head. He didn’t know you were aiming for law school. “Okay.”   “Wait.” You’re taken off guard, eyes as wide as saucers. “Seriously?!”   He with a small laugh. Jimin gets up and closes the distance, making you lean against the headboard until he’s completely hovering over you, mere inches away. “We actually need a position filled anyway, so you just saved me some trouble.”   “You better keep your promise, Park.”   You end up showing with Wendy and Tiffany in tow — the former who wants to raid whatever food there is and the latter genuinely interested in colouring as a means of relaxation. It’s a bit awkward to meet so many new people at once and Jimin’s friends at that, but you can tell they’re nice at heart. Albeit, a bit rambunctious and too friendly. And you’re a bit horrified when one of them tries to eat a crayon to further advertise the club.   “So, what’s up with you and Jimin?” Tiffany asks, peering up at you as she colours in the lines carefully. She’s unaware of your arrangement with the boy. It’s not something you’ve told many.   You feign ignorance, not wanting to get into the details with strangers around. “What do you mean?”   “Are you dating him?”   You scoff. “I wish.”   Immediately, Wendy’s brows raise to her hairline and the words that fumbled out of you thoughtlessly finally sink in. “I mean, no, we’re not. Not I wish.”   Luckily, Tiffany spares you and doesn’t pry. But you’re mortified and you glance at Jimin from across the room laughing noisily with his friend. You turn away from him, trying to create more distance.

[3rd Year Winter Semester]   With exam season here, you and Jimin hadn’t seen each other in a while.   Luckily, Spring break was approaching, so you at least had something to look forward to. The idea of being able to lay in bed and sleep in automatically puts you in a good mood. Jimin, however, seems less than stoked.   You watch from the bed as he runs a hand through his hair, messing it up before you’ve gotten a chance to. He was frowning when he opened the door, greeted you with one word and in general, has been quieter than usual.   “Is….everything alright?” You wonder if you did something to piss him off, but then he says—   “I flunked my final.”   Oh. That explains his bad mood.   “The one you took this morning?” you ask.   “Yeah.” Jimin deflates with an extended sigh. “I didn’t get the first twenty questions and then I fucking ran out of time….”   There’s a pause that lingers.   “Well, you’re not sure if you actually failed, right?” You lean closer to him, quirking your head to the side. “The marks haven’t been released and who knows, the prof might curve it.”   “Maybe. I don’t know.” Jimin scrubs a hand over his face, uncertain and stressed. “This ruins everything. I’m trying to get an internship at a clinical rehabilitation facility and I want to apply for a masters and now...fuck.” You’re surprised. You didn’t know he had so many goals. “I’m screwed.”   Jimin flops back onto his mattress, staring at the ceiling. You loom over him, blocking his view.   “Does the internship look at your GPA?”   “They want a three point o average or more.”   “What do you have now?”   “Three point five.”   The corner of your mouth pulls and a rush of air leaves your nose in a snort. “Then you’ll make it! Even if you failed one exam, it wouldn’t tank past a three. It can’t be too bad, right?”   “Yeah, I guess.” Jimin sighs and absentmindedly tugs on your strand of hair that’s fallen in front of your face and is grazing against his cheek. “I just don’t know anymore.”   “It’s going to be fine,” you reassure, slapping your hand on his shoulder. “You’re just overthinking it.”   “Maybe,” he hums.   A sudden thought comes across your mind and your small smile turns devious. “Let me make you feel better.”   You shift to straddle his hips and instantly, his hands lift to your waist. Jimin starts to grin as you pull at his shirt, trying to get him to strip. And you do your best to pleasure him.   It doesn’t take much effort considering Jimin’s hand is already tightening in your hair the minute you run your tongue along his shaft. But he doesn’t let you suck him for too long, eager to feel you inside instead and pleasure you just the same.   It’s eager and messy sex. You’re on top until your thighs begin to burn and you lose your pace. Then he re-repositions the both of you, so you’re flat on your back and he’s doing most of the work. You end up cumming twice. Once around his covered cock and the other time after he coaxes you around his stiff tongue and eggs you on, even when you’re sobbing from the overstimulation.   It feels good. Better than good.   Over time, the pair of you have gotten to know each other’s bodies better, what works and what doesn’t.    Your relationship with Jimin is an investment that feels worth it.   “Hey…” You’re both facing away from each other as you put your clothes back on. Jimin turns his head and you cast him a glance. “I was thinking of maybe starting birth control…”   He blinks.   “If you go get yourself checked out and make sure you’re clean, we can do it without condoms.”   You pull down your sweater over your head and you both stare at each other. He looks surprised and responds in a delayed manner, “Okay. Cool. I’m down. I’ll get myself checked out this weekend. I haven’t really slept with anyone else since this started though.”   It’s your turn to be caught off guard. “Really? What...about that girl you were into? Vicky?”   “You mean Victoria?” He jumps as he puts on his sweatpants, getting both legs through at once. “Nah. It didn’t end up working out.”   “Oh.” He’s entirely nonchalant about it, so you merely nod.   Jimin walks you to the door and you notice that he’s in a better mood than earlier. You hide your smile to yourself, glad that it was mutually beneficial.   Two weeks later, he gets an email before the two of you get down and dirty, and you’re the first one in his life to know that he got the summer internship. His excitement is infectious and you genuinely feel happy for him.

[4th Year Fall Semester]   It’s so close, you can taste it.   A whole new semester and cart of overpriced textbooks later meant you were a senior now. It also meant that there was just this year left and you were out of here. Finished at least one degree. A step closer to making the big bucks and being a whole ass adult.   The idea is both exhilarating and frightening.   2:20pm. Jimin: Wanna come over?   The text mocks you, but the temptation is tangible. Like a carrot tied at the end of a stick that’s attached to a hungry rabbit. You’ve been sexually frustrated since last night, feeling it in your loins since morning, and fidgeting and rubbing your thighs underneath tables and desks. The thought of getting that sweet relief properly is enough for you to want to ditch class altogether, but you can’t. Not for the next few days.   2:22pm. Y/N: can’t. 2:22pm. Y/N: I’m on my period :((   2:23pm. Jimin: I don’t mind   2:23pm. Y/N: really???? 2:24pm. Y/N: are you sure   2:25pm. Jimin: lmao 2:25pm. Jimin: yes   You brace through the rest of the lecture, paying more attention as the anticipation swells. And when it’s all over, you race across campus to the dormitory building you’ve become familiar with.   Jimin opens the door before you need to knock and he plants a chaste kiss against your lips in greeting. You’re taken off guard, but don’t pay too much attention to it. “How was class?”   “Good. You?”   “Same,” he hums.   You drop your bag in his room and gesture below your waist. “I’m going to need to wash up. The nether regions are a bit…”   He smiles. “Sure. I got spare towels I can set down too.”   You self-consciously linger for a moment as he goes to his closet to the upper shelf. The towels are luckily green and not white. “I’m surprised you’re okay with it. Having period sex, I mean.”   “Why wouldn’t I be?” Jimin pushes his blanket aside and puts a towel down. “As long as you’re fine with it, then I am too.”   “I don’t know. Doesn’t blood gross you out?”   “Not really? Most of the time I’m the one making the mess, so it’s actually nice to have someone else make the mess for once. Plus sex is sex. What’s there to complain about?” His brow lifts and he looks at you. You scoff and it makes Jimin grin.   You wash yourself up and he fucks you in missionary position on top of the towels. The pair of you have only done so a few times before. Typically, you’re face down, bent over, on all fours or looking away from each other. But the change is welcome. Jimin hovers over you and you can kiss him when you want to.   “F-Fuck.” A pitched moan unintentionally spills from you when he hits a spot at your walls that has your toes curling. “Ji...min.”   It’s more lubricated than usual, making the strokes easier. He goes softer too. Deeper. Jimin presses your thighs to your chest and makes you feel him all the way to your throat.   The boy smiles tenderly at your reaction in spite of panting himself. “Feel good, baby?”   “Y-Yeah.” You nod, eyes shut tight. You grip his forearms when he bottoms out again. “Always does.”   Your warm walls pulse around his thick cock and you end up cumming soon after. He groans into your neck at how you tighten around him like a vice grip and he thrusts into you one more time before his cum fills you.   The pair of you jump in the shower together to get cleaned up and then you’re picking up your clothes while he tosses the towels in the laundry.   “What were you working on, on Thursday?”   You blink, realizing that you texted him vaguely about being swamped and unable to come over, and that’s enough for you to unload and go on a tangent. “God, don’t remind me. It was my fucking thesis. I barely managed to finish it but I don’t even know if it makes sense and now I have to edit like fifty pages by myself before giving it to my supervisor, so that’s fun.”   It feels good to let it off your chest.   Jimin smiles subtly at your venting. “I could always edit it for you.”   “What? Seriously?”   “Sure.” He shrugs. “I’m not in poly sci, but that might make me a bit more unbiased. I’m not doing much these days either.”   “Oh my god.” There’s an overpowering urge to bow at his feet or suck his dick until you’re gagging or do both. “You’re a life-saver!”   Jimin laughs and it’s the sound of angels singing. “Just send it over. I can get it done by tomorrow. You have my email, right?”   “Of course I do. Duh!” Your grin is big enough that your cheeks hurt and he has one that matches it as well.   //   A few weeks fly by and things calm down enough that you can finally breathe. But that’s when you receive a little text from a certain someone that has you skeptical if you can rest easy.   6:48pm. Jimin: I have a surprise for you 6:48pm. Jimin: I forgot about it   You’re not sure what it is, but asking would be like pulling teeth with him. Jimin hates spoilers and he likes surprises all too much.   Lately, you’ve both been getting into some freaky shit. Buying toys, blindfolds, handcuffs. As adventurous as college kids with a limited budget can get. It was rather fun for the pair of you, and expectedly, some experiments work out better than others. It sends goosebumps all over your skin every time he talks dirty. You like it when Jimin spanks you too. Although, you’re still unsure about the whole candle wax on your body idea.   But there’s one thing for sure — Jimin can most definitely not role play for his life.    The whole school girl fantasy lasted a good five minutes before he started bursting into giggles and breaking character every other second. Playing doctor only made you realize how ticklish he was too. And the tickle fight that followed was definitely not something one would call ‘sexy’. Even if it did lead to the deed being done.   “Hey.” Jimin greets you with a grin and a chaste peck against your lips. “How was studying?”   “Fine.” You brush off the question quickly, too curious of what he has in store. “Jimin, I’m not going to use that twelve inch dildo unless you want to drive me to the ER.”   He bursts out laughing. “That’s not it. Good try though.”   Instead of going to his room like you usually do, Jimin leads you past the kitchen area to the table. It’s been cleared off and you give an inquisitive expression. He grins and then gestures to it.    “Lay down.”   “What?”   “Just lay down.” He takes your hand, guiding you on it and you obey wordlessly. It doesn’t seem like any of his roommates are home and you hope they don’t come back any time soon lest they find you lying face down on their dinner table.   You feel Jimin round the table and pull your ankles together. You tilt yourself up to peek at him, but then he barks— “Down.”   With a pout, you return to your position, arms folded underneath your head. You hope he isn’t about to rub spices on you and roast you in his oven like it feels like he’s doing.   You feel the gentle pressure of Jimin’s hands against your spine, his thumbs pressing into your skin and he hums, “Relax. Okay. Breathe in for me.”   An inhale is taken and his hands suddenly press into the middle of your back. You hear your bones crack loudly. It catches you off guard and you turn yourself with wide eyes. “You know how to do it?!”   He boyishly grins. “I might’ve learnt a thing or two during my internship.”   “Keep going, keep going.” You flip yourself over again, gesturing to your back and he laughs, going down your body and cracking your bones. You become butter in his fingertips, lower back feeling better already.   “Lift your leg for me.”   You follow his instructions to a t. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” you ask sleepily, lulled by his care. If he massaged you too, you might just cream your pants.   “I got this, I got this,” he reassures with a bit of arrogance. “I’m not a professional, but I know what I’m doing. You trust me, right?”   A noise is made at the back of your throat.   “If you break a bone on accident, I’ll sue you,” you mumble as he turns you over. “God, feels good.”   After a while, Jimin gets you to sit up and continues. He looks nice when he’s concentrating. Expression blank. Lips plump and in a line. Brows only slightly furrowed. “Considering you don’t have any ailments, you don’t need to get your bones cracked often. You should stretch and do some exercise instead.”   You scoff. “Having sex with you is enough exercise.”   To prove your point, you latch onto his arm and tug him towards you. Jimin smiles and the two of you break a sweat against each other on the table before either of his roommates come home.

[4th Year Winter Semester]   It was an invitation that you would’ve called yourself crazy for offering a year ago. But if it wasn’t for him editing your thesis and taking a load off your mind, you would’ve had a harder time.    You had him to thank for that.   “So?” Jimin’s seated across from you at the restaurant booth. It wasn’t surprisingly difficult to ask him to grab a bite with you. For some reason, you thought he would reject. “What’s the big news?”   Instead of answering, you reach into your bag and slide the envelope across the table.   He’s curious and takes it, pulling out the letter to read. You sip on your water, watching his expression intently. He mutters the words and it takes him through the first paragraph before he realizes. Then, at once, Jimin’s eyes widen. His mouth drops and he looks at you proudly.   “You got into law school?”   “Three of them,” you tell with a cheesy grin.    “T-That’s….fucking amazing. Holy fuck.” He reaches over and hugs you. It’s awkward considering there’s a whole table in the way, but you appreciate the sentiment. You’re giddy and giggling at how excited he is. It makes you feel like the first time you opened the letter yourself.   Jimin presses a kiss against your hair before withdrawing. “When did you find out?”   “Two days ago. I really thought I wasn’t going to get in since I got rejection letters last week from the other schools, but then three of them came in rapid succession.”   He shakes his head, still in awe. “Congratulations. Seriously. You deserve it, Y/N. God knows how hard you worked.”   “Thanks.” You smile to yourself, fiddling with the hem of your blouse. “I was thinking of maybe leaving the city to a different uni, but….I’m going to stay with my parents for as long as I can to save up on loans.”   “Yeah, sounds good.” He nods. “Moving out can be expensive.”   “What about you? Have you applied to your masters program yet?”   Jimin laughs. “Actually, I was planning on telling you that today too. I didn’t bring any fancy letter with me though.”   You lean closer, sitting on the edge of your seat. “You got in?”   “I did. Yesterday.” His enormous smile causes your own to expand. “I’m gonna do it part-time while working at the same facility I did my internship at.”   You’re happy for him and you can tell by his expression that he’s genuinely excited for you too. The pair of you were taking steps forward for your future and while it was a little scary, for now, you enjoy the victory and pig out at the restaurant with little restraints.   At the end of the night, you’re both wine drunk when you stumble back to his dorm room and soon, you’re trying to muffle your whimpers with your teeth sunk into your bottom lip. It doesn’t help when he presses the humming vibrator to your clit harder.   “J-Jimin,” you sob, fingers twisting into his sheets. You’re slumped against the headboard as he surrounds you.   “Louder,” he commands, watching you through heavy lidded eyes. The cold air of his bedroom made your nipples hardened, yet you feel hot all over, under his gaze and ruthlessness.    Your hand curls around his wrist. “Your roommates are sleep—” You cry and keen against his chest when he plunges the toy into your swollen cunt that’s leaking down your ass and thighs.   “It’s okay,” he murmurs in a low voice against your ear, “Let it go.”   You feel the toy nudge against your cervix, the vibrations trembling through your body and you orgasm hard with your forehead pressed against Jimin’s shoulder. Even then, he continues to draw it in and out of you, studying how you’ve creamed around the vibrator, how your slick is dripping to his sheets that are already stained with the scent of your shampoo.   “J-Jimin,” you whine loudly, not knowing if you’re trying to lean away from his touch or closer. “T-...too m-much!”   “You can take it,” Jimin softly coaxes and you nod.    You cum again after a minute and he immediately kisses you with a big smile before peppering pecks down to your neck. It makes you feel ticklish and winded.   “Hey...Jimin…”   “Hmm?”   “Are we still gonna do this after we graduate?” you ask in a quiet voice, laying back in the ruined sheets. “I’m gonna be busy and you are too.”   “We’ll figure it out.” He flops beside you and you both face each other. Jimin’s arm is draped over your waist and you stare at one another for a moment before he closes the distance.   Jimin nudges you for a languid kiss, your noses brushing as his soft, plush lips press against yours. It’s unhurried. Slow. He urges your mouth to part for him and his tongue slips in as you whimper, giving you a chance to properly taste him.   Sloppy, wet noises fill the room while heat rises to your cheeks. But you’re unbothered while swapping spit with Park Jimin. It’s lazy, yet it feels good. So much so that you’ve relaxed entirely.   In the back of your mind, you know you should get up and put some clothes on. Any cuddling or post-sex touching has largely been unprecedented before this and it’s not good to make habits you’ll have to eventually break. You should get your sweater off the floor, or at least slip on his purple t-shirt….   But you give into the temptation and shut your eyes for one second. One mere second.    That’s enough for you to doze off.   When Jimin realizes you’ve accidentally fallen asleep, he smiles to himself and tugs the blankets up to your shoulders, securing you in warmly.   //   You stifle another yawn with your hand.    It’s 9:30 in the goddamn morning and way too early for you. There’s a reason you pick afternoon classes, go to work afterwards and then go see Jimin to end your day off. There’s no situation good enough that warrants your alarm blaring before eight — but you suppose a graduation ceremony could be an exception.   “There’s so many people,” your dad gasps in wonderment, looking around the vast hall. “Do you know them all?”   “No.” You hold in your sigh. “I don’t.”   For the past twenty minutes, you’ve been running around looking for your parents after they’ve wandered off and gotten lost. If they weren’t spamming their cameras on their phone and telling you to smile in front of the odd statue or the meaningless bulletin board that wasn’t even part of your faculty, it was calling your name as loud as they could to find you in the crowds.   You’re happy over their enthusiasm but also burdened. It’s a lot of mixed feelings.   “Y/N?”   Dark hair and brown eyes — a certain someone who you weren’t expecting to run into is staring right at you with a boyish smile. “Jimin?” He looks good, a suit underneath and a black graduation gown over it that falls to his calf. His gown has a golden hood and tassel while yours is white — the colours symbolizing your different faculties and areas of study.    “Hey.” His gaze is warm. “You look nice.”   “Thanks. You too.”   You don’t linger on him for long, not when his parents are right by his side. You divert your vision and greet them politely. Jimin surprisingly looks a lot like his dad and his mom has a kind face. They seem like sweet people and you’re suddenly breaking into a sweat. “Nice to meet you.”   Your own parents make themselves known and you feel like your worlds are colliding as they shake hands and exchange names, congratulating each other on their child’s graduation.   You’re about to get them moving along when your mom nudges you. “Is this your boyfriend?”   Her voice is way too loud and you feel yourself burn in embarrassment.    “No. He’s just a friend,” you whisper it sharply but much your dismay, they look unconvinced.   You miss the way Jimin smiles to himself.   “We should get a picture!” his dad declares and your own dad looks even more elated at the idea of spamming more pictures. You already had to delete a hundred blurry ones, but your mom ignores your groan and pushes you both towards some weird artwork on the wall.   “Stand over here! Over here! Smile!”   Your parents end up sitting next to each other on the rows and you have no words, forced to sit at the bottom with the rest of your graduating class. It’s a wonder that the Arts Faculty was scheduled right before the Faculty of Kines. Fate or coincidence, you’re not sure yet.   But it’s still nice to see Jimin walk the stage and be able to cheer for him.   “Congratulations, Mr. Park.”   He grins. “Congratulations to you too, Miss L/N.”   It’s certain that the numerous celebrations with family, friends and relatives will be chaotic, so you take advantage of the opportunity while you still can. You steal just a little moment for your selfish desires by standing outside before you’re both bombarded by your circle of people.   “You know, I couldn’t have done it without you.”   “Oh, stop it with the sappiness.” You can’t feign a roll of your eyes when your smile is so big.   He swings an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close and laughing. “Why? Don’t like it?” And the little shit slyly leans in to whisper, “You like it when I call you my baby though.”   “Jimin!”   He laughs and you sigh with a smile.   You’re glad you ran into him.

[Post-Graduation]   You open the door, welcoming yourself in.   “Hey.”   Jimin’s on the couch and glances at you, unfazed at how you’ve waltzed right into his apartment with little warning. You’ve always knocked out of courtesy for his roommates, but ever since he moved out of the dormitories, you find little need to make him walk all the way to the door.   He’s watching a thriller and you flop down on his couch, leaning over to plant a quick peck against his mouth as a greeting. “How was work?”   “It was okay. A bit busy. I met this nice old lady and we chatted for a bit. She called me handsome, so there’s that.” He grins and you scoff lightly, leaning your cheek on his shoulder as you watch the main character venture into an abandoned house on screen. Jimin loves his praises, so you’re not wholly surprised he’s kept a mental note of it.    You’re not sure why it’s important though. Anyone with eyes would agree he’s good-looking.   “How was class?”   “Awful,” you mumble, feeling tired against him. You came over to get rid of some sexual frustration, but you’re not even sure you have the energy to do anything anymore. “Commuting was brutal this morning. Traffic was backed up on the highway and I was late, and yesterday I had to drive back at night. My parents are driving me nuts too. I can’t study properly.”   Jimin hums a soothing note and slings an arm at the back of the couch where you’re sitting, letting you lean into him. It goes quiet as the two of you watch the suspenseful scene and then he absentmindedly pipes up after a minute, “You could always move in with me.”   He continues, “It’s closer to the university and it’s quiet during the day, so you can study. We could always study together too.”   It’s a good idea, but— “I can’t afford that.”   “I don’t mind paying rent for a while. It’s the same either way.”   It takes a second for the words sink in and then you’re peeling yourself off of him.   Your gaze is met with Jimin’s, eyes locking into one another and the movie is left in the background. “As roommates?”   He shrugs. “There’s only one bedroom, but sure.”   A studio apartment. One bed shared. Two people.   Watching movies. Having sex. Eating together.   It doesn’t sound bad to you whatsoever, but you contemplate it. It swirls around inside your head and you murmur, “Isn’t that breaking the rules of being friends with benefits?”   And you don't know why but Wendy’s words from the other day are echoing inside the caverns of your brain at the worst moment. “You know, your relationship with Jimin isn’t exactly normal.” You weren’t sure what she meant and you still don’t know. Not when she had advertised and encouraged this kind of arrangement all those years ago. When she had told you many people got involved in each other like this.   But you’re starting to wonder if something is off.   Did you do something wrong? Did your relationship with Jimin spiral out of control? But everything feels normal.   After three years, you’d think you would’ve mastered the art of benefits by now.   You sigh, getting a headache. Yet, Jimin merely shrugs.    As if the definitions and boundaries don’t bother him whatsoever.    “Is it?”   “Kind of. I mean, living together, being mutually exclusive. It almost sounds like….”   “Like what?” His brows lift. “Like we’re dating?”   You feel hot in your face, skin toasted like a furnace. Maybe you’re being delusional or silly. Maybe he’s going to laugh at you. “This is what couples who are going to get engaged do.”   “Maybe we should date then…?” The pitch of Jimin’s voice raises at the end, not necessarily a question but neither a statement. It’s questionable like he’s unsure how you feel. Like he’s playing a guessing game. And then he smiles at your shocked expression.   Jimin turns to face you fully. His gaze is heavy, earnest. “Maybe we should date.”   This time, it’s repeated as an assertion.   Confident. Unwavering. Sincere.   Jimin leans in to kiss you as if he can’t resist anymore. It’s tender, taking you off guard and you lean into him, finally allowing yourself to become surrounded by him. Mind. Body. And soul.   When the two of you pull away, he smiles while catching his breath. “I-I’m down if you are. This apartment can be yours and you can study here and sleep here and whatever. We can eat together and I’ll buy you take out or cook. It’s fine if you don’t want to. I’m cool with anything. We can keep being friends with benefits, if that’s what you want….so…......what do you want?”   You exhale lightly, feeling warm. “This...is a lot.”   “Is it?” Instantly, Jimin appears panicked and you hold back a laugh. “We’ve technically been together for three years and...what we’ve been doing recently is basically dating. In my opinion.”   “Did Wendy put you up to this?”   “No.” He shakes his head. “Frankly, the person I talk to most these days is you. And I like it that way.”   God, you hate him.    You pull Jimin in for another kiss, an aggressive and eager one. Enough that you can feel the heat off of his own face. You move to straddle his thighs and when you break apart, you muster a glare at him. “You know, I’ve been trying so hard not to catch feelings. You’re ruining all my efforts, you know that, Park?”   He grins. “Is this a yes?”   “It is.” This time, he’s the one to kiss you, sealing your lips together as he smiles against your mouth and squeezes giggles out of you. Even if he doesn’t say it, even if he’s saving it for another day, you know from his tender touches that he loves you. And it’s mutual.   No longer do you need to worry — leave right after the deed is done or be panicked when you’ve accidentally fallen asleep in his bed. You’re unashamed when he kisses you harder as a greeting, when he holds your hand, when you go out together. You can have pillow talks without needing to guard yourself, cuddle him, call him yours.   And when Christmas arrives, meaning sweater weather and snow dusting from the sky, you have someone to keep you warm. Someone who you can come back to and call your home.

[ephialtea]

Ive been doing well, for a month or two. Sure there are some intrusive thoughts but they were just bumps that I could shrug off. Unlike ones before that sends me off to a car wreck. I am fond of watching movies or tv shows, and I was happy that I wasn’t bothered as much to watch women without the sexual or romantic thoughts waiting to raid. I’ve started working out, it felt great.

I am a college student, about to be a third year. For two years, I haven’t been able to go to my campus since we only had done online classes. Since, every school has slowly adjusted and most welcoming face to face classes- I have decided to join in a Red Cross organization at my university.

Ive been wanting to participate on these kind of stuff since I’d considered it very helpful personally as well. Today was my shift, it was a graduation ceremony for the seniors. Me and others (who were new) were assigned to our stations, to guide people- help if someone needed it.

I had to wake up early, around 4 am to prepare. I wasn’t feeling myself and got really conscious with my body. I was suppose to fast for 16 hrs before as part of my diet, but I got carried away with my stress that I overate dinner. Next morning, I was bloated as fuck, wore a baggy shirt instead.

I have a particular body type that I want to achieve. So when I saw this other member in our team- who has the exact one that I want. My brain just scrambled all over. Saying that she’s my type, she’s my type, she’s my type. Emotions just rushed all over place, the tiredness wasn’t a help either. I didn’t know her at all, and ofc everyone could see her figure since she wore these skinny jeans of some sort and small shirt with the word ‘medic’ at the back.

One of the head nurse of the organization had a little talk with me, getting to know me and such. He realized that the girl and me have the same course so he introduced me to her. I was uncomfortable as fuck already, I wanted to go home already. She was a talkative person, I wasn’t. Yes, she was nice but I hated the feeling that we stood close next to each other. Had to force down the urge to throw up. But I forced myself to just stand there and at least make friends, I have not made a single friend in the organization.

I didn’t want to be seen as the girl who has a secret crush on the other. I don’t want to be seen as someone who’s attracted to women at all. But THIS, is torture. My brain, my emotions just keep on repeating phrases and certain things that I’m sick with. The lack of anxiety made me think that “oh, I like her.” “I have a crush on her”.

Thank God the ceremony was almost over, we headed back to the clinic and I had to make up some excuse as why I’m going home early. Shit sucks, now I’m getting urges that I should “come out” and ask her out. To which I am genuinely oppose to since I am still in love with a man who doesn’t fucking talk to me anymore.

But because of that now I just keep having thoughts such as: why don’t you try dating women? Maybe you’ll like it, come out as bi or a lesbian, ask that girl out. And dozens of images of me dating that said girl, I had to break my diet cause I was fucking stress eating, now I am right back where I started. I never felt more miserable, and I just wish so badly to hang out with girls without these thoughts or feelings. I want to have girl FRIENDS, to bond with and to lean on. This whole shit has made me view girls who wants to be friends with me as something awful, as they have some sort of motive with me or some shit and it’s ruining me. Every-time I talk to them, I have to keep repeating “I’m straight” In my head a dozen times for reassurance.

[headcanonsandmore]

Hermione and Veronica ‘Ronnie’ Weasley

Summary:  A Romione WLW AU, with Hermione and her best friend Veronica 'Ronnie' Weasley, the sweet redheaded girl who... well, who Hermione finds herself very confused about.

This fic was inspired by a similar AU scenario fic by @hillnerd. As with everything Hilly does, her fic is amazing, but hopefully my fic doesn’t look too bad by comparison. 

                  Read on FFN.                                      Read on AO3.

~~~~~~~~~

Hermione Granger had a problem.

Well, not so much a problem. More of a…. confusion. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

And it had to do with her best friend. Veronica “Ronnie” Weasley.

Ronnie was funny, sweet, kind, and athletic. Over six foot tall, with a mane of long red hair and a mass of freckles, she immediately caught the eye. The boys couldn’t help but notice her, and many of the girls either admired her or felt jealousy towards her. Hermione had lost count of the time she’d seen Dean and Seamus staring at Ronnie from across the common room. On a few occasions, she’d even seen Neville blush after Ronnie had smiled at him.

Not that Ronnie noticed any of this. The redhead had always felt lacking, either to her older brothers or to her younger sister Ginny. Ronnie was, like all her siblings, good at schoolwork, but she had never felt like she could stand out. She had confided to Hermione that, even if she had done well, no-one would ever think much of it, since her brothers had all done it before.

And then there was Ginny. Ronnie’s little sister was about almost a foot shorter, and with more of a nervous energy than that of her older siblings. Hermione had often wondered whether the Weasleys all had a set amount of passion, and that those of a shorter persuasion tended to be more on-edge than their lankier siblings. Granted, this theory didn’t necessarily explain why the short Charlie was so relaxed, while the taller Percy was the exact opposite. Maybe the Weasleys all just reacted differently to their circumstances.

Ronnie was not an intense person. In fact, Hermione found her almost supernaturally relaxed and affable. More prone to telling a chuckle-inducing joke as opposed to an over-the-top prank that was the preferred tactic of Fred and George.

Hermione preferred Ronnie’s way of doing things. Hermione liked a lot about Ronnie. Even if Ronnie personally thought her own matey-ness with people made her unattractive, Hermione couldn’t imagine why such friendliness and kindness could be considered unappealing.

To boys, of course. Yes, just to the boys.

Hermione had the distinct impression that Ronnie felt lacking compared to her little sister. Maybe it was Ronnie’s lack of interest in “girly” things, or her seeming-inability to act with “decorum” (as Hermione’s parents would have put it). It was common for Ronnie to wear a pair of hand-me-down school trousers instead of skirts because, as she herself put it, she hated having to worry about whether people could see up her legs.

Hermione always found herself flustered whenever Ronnie joked about this. Ronnie did have very long legs after all.

She had been friends with Ronnie for years, ever since the Halloween of first year. They hadn’t exactly gotten along before then but, since the incident with the troll, they had become firm friends. It was nice being friends with someone else in the girls dormitory; Lavender and Parvati had never really clicked with Hermione. Ronnie was the first female friend Hermione had ever had.

And then third year had happened.

The two of them had fallen out over their pets. Crookshanks and Scabbers had never gotten along and, at one point, it had looked like Crookshanks had eaten Ronnie’s rat. It had been really lonely not speaking to Ronnie for all that time.

But they had become friends again, and things had settled back to how they had been before.

Well, not exactly.

Ronnie had always been a good friend, but Hermione hadn’t understood why she had missed Ronnie so much when they weren’t speaking. She certainly hadn’t missed Harry in the same way, which was even weirder considering that Harry was a boy.

Hermione had missed Ronnie’s smile, her laugh, her beautiful red hair, the way she would throw an arm around Hermione’s shoulders as they walked to class, the way she would bound up to her and hug Hermione tightly, and the way she would stretch out in the common room so that Hermione couldn’t help but notice her-

Yes, she had certainly missed her friend Ronnie. The same friend who made butterflies appear in Hermione’s stomach whenever Ronnie smiled at her. The same friend who began to inhabit Hermione’s dreams in ways she was becoming very confused about.

Hermione had hoped that… whatever this was would disappear over the summer holidays, and she could just enjoy her friendship with Ronnie with no extra complications.

No such luck. Fourth year had just made everything even more confusing. Harry and Ronnie hadn’t spoken for a while after Harry’s name had appeared in the goblet of fire. Hermione had desperately tried to patch things up between them but, in the end, they had worked it out themselves after the first task.

It was good for them to be a trio again. Although Hermione, Ronnie and Harry had always been a bit unusual. Parvati and Lavender had always been giggling over it, asking both Hermione and Ronnie about which of them Harry was dating. Hermione had always rolled her eyes at this. To her, Harry had always been like a younger brother. Like all younger brothers, he was always getting into mischief and being annoying, but he was her brother nonetheless.

Ronnie had always laughed her head off whenever this question was proposed by Lavender and Parvati. Harry was “her best mate”. End of. Nothing more to say.

But… well, as the Yule Ball approached, suddenly Ronnie stopped laughed and started blushing, avoiding Hermione’s eyes.

‘It’s none of your business,’ she had mumbled, her ears flashing their tell-tale pink.

Hermione had felt her heart slowly sink, although she tried to avoid thinking about why.

Sure enough, the day before the Yule Ball, Hermione had asked Harry about who he was taking, and the boy who lived had blushed scarlet.

‘Er… I asked Ronnie.’

Hermione dropped the book she was holding. The two of them were in the library.

‘What? You mean… you…’

‘I-I don’t know, okay!’ Harry stammered. ‘It’s just… I needed a date for the Ball and Ronnie’s my best mate, so it made sense.’

‘Oh.’

‘Yeah.’

At that moment, someone tapped Hermione on the shoulder. It was Viktor Krum, the Durmstrang champion.

‘Excuse me, may I have a vord?’

Harry looked at the Bulgarian suspiciously.

‘Yes, it’s fine,’ Hermione said, leading Krum away into the next aisle of bookshelves. ‘Which section are you looking for?’

‘No… I… er…’

 *

 ‘Krum?!’

Ronnie’s face looked horrified. It was several hours later, in their dormitory.

‘Well, it wasn’t as if I was going with anyone, so why not?’

‘He’s eighteen, Hermione!’ Ronnie said, urgently. ‘He’s way too old for you!’

‘He’s not dating me, Ronnie,’ Hermione replied. ‘He’ll be more like a chaperone than anything else. Besides, it’s just one ball. It’s not like he’s asking to marry me.’

‘I should think not!’ Ronnie’s face was strangely angry. ‘You’re too good for him.’

Hermione felt her cheeks blush.

‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘Er, congratulations about you and Harry, by the way.’

‘You… you know about that?’ Ronnie asked.

Hermione nodded, wondering why the mood suddenly felt so tense.

‘Yes, he told me earlier. It was nice of you to go with him.’

‘You think so?’

‘Yes. I think you’ll have a great time.’

Hermione hoped that her voice didn’t sound as falsely-cheery as she suspected.

 *

 The Yule Ball was something of an event. It was interesting hearing from Viktor Krum about what Bulgaria was like, but she found herself distracted. Possibly due to the fact that Ronnie and Harry were sat only a few chairs down the table, and kept giggling over stuff. Ronnie was wearing a very lacy dress that Mrs Weasley had only managed to get third-hand; since Ronnie was so tall compared to most girls, her clothes had always been a bit… well, difficult to acquire on a budget. The dress was a few inches shorter than her normal summer shorts were, and Hermione had got the distinct impression that Harry was trying not to stare too much when they had walked through the crowd with the other champions and their partners.

Hermione probably would have enjoyed the dancing too, except that she kept looking round to see what Ronnie and Harry were up to. Ronnie’s hair was long and had a sweet flowery scent that seemed to follow it around the room. Her smile was wide as she danced with Harry, and the way she kept laughing made it difficult for Hermione to concentrate on her own dancing. Why was she so distracted?

‘Vould you like a drink?’ Viktor Krum asked, after a very fast song had finished.

Hermione nodded, and he left for the buffet table.

At that moment, Hermione noticed that Harry and Ronnie were walking towards the balcony area.

Deciding to catch up with them, Hermione darted between several other couple, and poked her head out through the curtains.

Her stomach turned to lead.

Harry was kissing Ronnie on the mouth, and Ronnie was kissing him back.

Stumbling backwards through the curtain, Hermione pushed through the crowd and began to make for the exit. However, she bumped into Ginny and Neville.

‘I’m… feeling a bit unwell,’ she mumbled. ‘Could you tell Viktor Krum that I’ve had to leave?’

Ginny and Neville nodded, but looked concerned and a little confused.

Hermione didn’t stop hurrying until she had arrived back in her dormitory. She washed her make-up off, changed into her pyjamas, and climbed into her four-poster bed.

She had started crying before her head even hit the pillow.

 *

 ‘So… yeah.’

‘Bit weird, but… well, that’s it.’

It was the next day. Harry and Ronnie were talking to Ginny about what had happened. Hermione was eating her breakfast without looking at any of them.

‘So… are you two dating?’ Ginny asked.

Ronnie laughed nervously.

‘No; but… well, we’re gonna see how things change. If it’s not our cup of tea, we can stay friends instead.’

‘Yeah,’ Harry said, cheerfully. ‘Take a bit more than kissing for us to stop being best mates.’

‘Yeah, but…’ Ginny said, her eyes darting to Hermione and then back to Ronnie. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Er, yeah,’ Ronnie said. ‘H-Hermione, what do you think?’

Hermione blinked hurriedly.

‘Oh, I’m sure you two will be very happy,’ she said, a little too cheerfully. ‘I hope you don’t me being a third wheel, then. Anyway, we need to get to first period now.’

Harry nodded, and stood up.

Ronnie remained sitting, looking at Hermione with a slightly confused expression on her freckled face.

Ginny gave a sigh, and went back to her breakfast.

 *

 The next few weeks were not fun for Hermione. Ronnie and Harry had always been a duo and, now that they were sort-of together, Hermione had never felt more like a third wheel. Even though both of them were clearly trying their best not to exclude her, she couldn’t help but feel miserable.

And that wasn’t even getting into the way her heart would thump painfully whenever she caught Ronnie looking at Harry.

It was ridiculous. Hermione couldn’t be jealous! What was there to be jealous of? Harry was like a brother to her, so it clearly wasn’t that.

No, it was something else.

It was Ronnie.

Hermione was in love with Ronnie.

She tried to not think about this. Which normally would have been difficult. But luckily, they were both helping Harry about the second task, which took up a lot of time and mental headspace. And their coursework was so time-consuming that Hermione barely had time to think about her feelings for Ronnie.

Could girls even fall for each other? Hermione had read about that sort of thing happening, but she never would have imagined that it would happen to her.

The day before the second task, she (along with Ronnie) were helping Harry with his preparations for the second Triwizard task, when the Weasley twins arrived.

‘Ronnie, you and Hermione have got a message from Professor McGonagall.’

‘What?’ Hermione asked, confused. ‘She can’t seriously ban us from helping Harry, can she?’

‘No, she just wants you and Ronnie to go to Dumbledore’s office.’

Hermione exchanged confused glances with Ronnie.

When they arrived at Dumbledore’s office, they were not the only confused people there. Cho Chang was also there, plus a young girl speaking in fluent French who was presumably Fleur Delacour’s little sister.

Dumbledore explained about what the second Triwizard task was, and how it would include all of them. Each of the champions would have a hostage, who would be in an enchanted sleep at the bottom of the great lake. The hostages would be perfectly safe underwater, and would return to normal once they were brought back to the surface of the lake.

‘Professor,’ Hermione asked, raising her hand. ‘I don’t understand; why has Harry got both me and Ronnie as his hostages? And where is the hostage for Viktor Krum?’

Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow.

‘Miss Granger, you are Mister Krum’s hostage, not Mr Potter’s.’

Hermione’s eyes widened in confusion. Viktor Krum? She was his “the person he would miss most”? Why? She’d been to the ball with him, but that was it. She hadn’t really spoken to him much since, aside from apologising for leaving the Yule Ball early. Why was she his hostage? Surely, he had friends from Durmstrang that would be a better pick?

Hang, on. Ronnie was Harry’s hostage. The person Harry would miss most.

So, that meant Ronnie was…

Hermione felt her heart sink. She couldn’t even look Ronnie in the eye, but she felt the redhead tense next to her.

Maybe Harry and Ronnie will become a full couple after he rescues her in the task, Hermione thought, miserably, as she slipped into unconsciousness from the sleeping spell Dumbledore had casted, I guess there never was any hope for me…

The next thing Hermione knew, she was treading water in the middle of the great lake. Viktor Krum was pulling her towards the shoreline. Her uniform felt heavy and sodden.

‘Where’s… where’s Harry and Ronnie?’ she asked, as Madam Pomfrey bustled them over to a tent nearby. ‘Haven’t… haven’t they come back yet?’

Madam Pomfrey patted her hand in sympathy, and tutted under her breath, as if she’d quite like a word with the person who came up with the idea for the second task.

A portion of pepper-up potion later, plus some warming spells, and Hermione was stood on the shoreline with Cho Chang and a very worried-looking Fleur Delacour. The French girl’s hostage was still down in the lake. Cho had put an arm around her.

‘They’ll be fine,’ the Ravenclaw was saying. ‘The judges won’t let any harm come to- oh, hello, Hermione.’

‘Hello. Have… have Harry and Ronnie got back yet?’

Cho shook her head.

There was a shout from the crowd, and Hermione looked round. Three people had just surfaced in the middle of the lake. Hermione could see a mane of very familiar red hair. Dashing past Viktor Krum (who seemed intent on chatting to her about something), Hermione wade into the shallows of the water. Fleur Delacour and Percy Weasley joined her.

‘I’m fine, Harry,’ Ronnie was saying, as Harry helped her towards the shore. The two of them were stood awkwardly in the shallows. Percy had stopped fussing over Ronnie, and had gone to find them some warm blankets, followed by the Delacour sisters.

Harry leaned forward and kissed Ronnie on the lips.

Hermione felt her heart sink and, turning away, she walked out of the lake, ignoring Viktor Krum’s renewed attempts at conversation, and left for the castle. People looked at her in confusion as she pushed past. She was glad that she had been given the pepper-up potion, as the February wind whipped through her.

Before she knew it, she was lying in her four-poster bed, crying her eyes out. She had somehow managed to close the curtains around her before she broke down completely. When was she ever going to get over this? She had no “claim” on Ronnie; after all, Ronnie liked boys, Ronnie liked Harry. And, next to Harry, why would Ronnie possibly look at Hermione? A bookworm. A girl. Just the best friend.

‘H-Hermione?’

Ronnie. Oh, god, Hermione thought, she can’t see me like this…

‘G-go away, Ronnie.’

‘What, and leave you miserable? Not on your life.’

‘I’m-I’m fine, Ronnie. J-just a bit exhausted from the task.’

‘Did… did Krum do something to you?’

‘No!’ Hermione exclaimed, pulling back the curtains of her four-poster. ‘Of course not! He’s barely even held my hand! What… how could you…’

‘W-well,’ Ronnie said, her ears turning pink. ‘You were “the person he would miss the most”, after all.’

Hermione stared at her for a second.

‘I don’t see Viktor Krum like that,’ she said, earnestly. ‘He’s… well… like a chaperone.’

‘He fancies you.’

‘You mean like Harry fancies you?’

Ronnie looked as if Hermione had slapped her.

‘You… you saw him kissing me, then?’

Hermione nodded.

‘Is that why you’re crying?’

Hermione mentally cursed. Her cheeks were still wet with tears.

‘I’m… I’m very happy for you both.’

‘Don’t insult my intelligence, Hermione,’ Ronnie said, hotly. ‘You’re clearly upset about it. What, you fancy Harry or something?’

‘What? No!’ Hermione said. ‘Harry’s like a brother to me! Why would you-’

‘Well, what’s your problem, then?!’ Ronnie exclaimed, coming to stand barely a few inches away from her.

‘Don’t be… it’s… well…I-’

‘Hermione, what is it?’

‘It’s not Harry that I fancy, Ronnie; it’s you!’

There was a deafening silence.

‘I… I shouldn’t have said that,’ Hermione mumbled. ‘Sorry, forget I-’

‘No, what do you mean?’ Ronnie asked. ‘Do… do you mean that?’

‘Y-yes,’ Hermione whispered. ‘I’m sorry. I know you don’t see me like that. I’ve ruined our friendship-’

Hermione stopped talking. Because Ronnie had suddenly leaned forward and was kissing her on the mouth. Hermione’s brain seemed to disengage. Ronnie’s lips were soft and delicate as they pressed against Hermione’s. The redhead’s body heat felt like a warm fire against her, despite how little they were touching.

A few seconds later, although it could have lasted for hours for all that Hermione knew, Ronnie pulled away slightly.

‘Do… do you really mean that?’ Ronnie whispered, her hands tender as they interlaced with Hermione’s. ‘You… you really fancy me?’

Hermione nodded, feeling very confused.

‘Yes. Ever since… actually, I don’t know when. But… why…’

‘I… I fancy you, Hermione,’ Ronnie said, softly. ‘I… I thought you didn’t feel the same way.’

‘You fancy me?’

‘Er, did I not just kiss you? Would have thought it’d be a giveaway…’

Hermione giggled.

‘Okay, I believe you. But how-’

The door opened. Harry poked his head through.

‘Everything okay?’

‘Yeah,’ Ronnie said, cheerfully as she held Hermione’s hand. ‘She’s okay. And so am I.’

‘Cool. And… did you both…’

Ronnie nodded.

‘Fantastic!’ Harry said, grinning. ‘I’m so happy for you two!’

‘W-wait, what?’ Hermione exclaimed, utterly at sea. ‘Harry, did… did you know?’

‘I guessed. Besides, me and Ronnie work better as friends anyway.’

‘You… you two aren’t a couple?’ Hermione gasped, looking between them both. ‘I thought… after you kissed at the lake-’

‘You are one daft maid,’ Ronnie chuckled, pecking her on the cheek. ‘But that makes two of us, eh?’

Hermione smiled, as she held Ronnie’s hand. Maybe, on occasion, the best friend did get the girl. Even if they were also a girl, too.

 ~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading, everyone! Hope you enjoyed it!