#i’ve chosen the crying option

[quillsandblades]

What could be the reasons for Hange's death?

I’m not best at doing these analysis posts, but I’ve had this in my mind for a while now and it needs to get out.

As a sort-of writer, I know there’s always reasons to kill off a character, especially if they're well-developed and play a crucial part in the story. So what could’ve gone through Isayama’s mind when he decided to kill our precious Hange? Here’s what I think.

First of all, reading the manga I really felt like her death was forced, staged. It didn't seem right, didn't seem to fit. Now I don’t know if the rest of you felt this way but I sure did. And that's why I'm gonna talk about why I think Isayama killed her.

There are four points in this post and each explains a potential reason:

1. To make the readers cry

Many characters are killed just to give a truck load of emotional damage to the readers. And sometimes authors enjoy it — don’t get me wrong, we love the characters, it’s just what even is a good story if devastated readers aren’t sending you death threats for killing their fav fictional pookie? Such characters often possess some or all of these qualities: Lovable, witty, humorous, determined, has big goals/dreams, you get attached to them easily and if they have a love interest that you’re invested in, and they both got plans to *ahem* live peacefully once a certain war is out of the list of duties, it’s over for you (IFKK 😭).

And who do we know that holds nearly all these characteristics, and died?

Maybe Yams was in killer mood the day he wrote chapter 132. I wonder if he’s doing the evil laugh somewhere, thinking how we’re suffering every day.

2. It’s crucial to the plot

These kinds of deaths aren’t in the author’s hand, and they really hurt us sometimes. I have a few characters very close to my heart and I hope I never have to put them to death cuz I may not have the willpower to write ahead if I do. It happens when you get dead-ends (yes you can get dead-ends even in fiction as well, at least that’s what I think because the setting or world you create has to have some limits), when the rules you have set up to make that world start to cage you in. And sometimes there’s no option but to kill them. Their death is important, it’s a key point, or maybe it’s part of what their personality demands. It’s needed, and it hurts.

But coming to Hange, I can safely say that’s not the case. Her death could’ve been avoided. In the manga she barely managed to get much time. Yes the plane made it, but it’s Hange we’re talking about and she has a big brain. She could’ve made a less harmful plan to stop the Colossal titans right there, I don’t doubt her intelligence at all. Or someone could’ve helped. The part about titan shifters saving their strength was a flimsy excuse Isayama, cuz taking out a Colossal isn't such a back-breaking task for the Shifters - they’ve had worse and done better.

3. Some other character needs to take the spotlight

This happens when our character is in the way of someone else’s glory. They need to be taken off the stage so the next one comes up.

For Hange I’d say, that was Armin. I think Isayama might have wanted to give the stuttering blonde kid a glow-up, and I gotta say it worked well. I’ve seen countless posts where Armin back then and as commander is compared and people are like, ha! Y��all used to laugh at him cuz he was a timid, scared little thing but look at him now, Commander of the scouts and such.

I’ve seen him get a lot of hate for not being strong enough, not being confident and such things. So what does Isayama do? He takes that character and upgrades him to Commander. I think he’s wanted to do this for a long time, to show just how much potential the kid has, and take it as a character development. He was chosen over Erwin and then Hange. He couldn’t be Commander after Shiganshina cuz Hange was named successor. He got his chance in ch 132 and took it. The only way to make Armin Commander was to kill Hange and so we had to part with the crazy genius we loved. (I don't hate Armin though, it's Isayama's fault not Armin's)

But here’s the thing, she could’ve still come back. Battered and bruised, and Armin would still be Commander as the title was already handed over. Then why go all the way and kill her? Here’s why.

4. External reasons

This and the 3rd point, In my opinion, are the main reasons for Hange’s death.

The external factors here include her relationship with Levi. The man has a HUGE fanbase and he’s shipped (and shippable) with so many characters it’s concerning. And the most popular ships are Ereri (this one doesn’t even make sense) and Eruri. As a character that’s so popular among fans, I don’t think Isayama wanted to confirm anything related to his love life as that would only create rifts among fans or even drop his popularity. By keeping it vague he kept the fanbase up. But what has Hange living got to do with it?

Well, we all heard her ‘Let’s live here together’ confession. It’s probably the most romantic thing anybody said to Levi canonically and no one can deny it gives hints. Then comes Levi's double meaning statement of ‘Unrequited titan love’ and I’d say that pretty much sealed the deal. ‘Devote your heart’ was the cherry on top and now if Hange returned they both would be so canon.

But for the sake of argument, let’s say all of that meant nothing romantic. But if Hange’s still alive we all know she’d never leave Levi alone in his impaired state after the war. She’d be the one pushing his wheelchair around and since they’re already veterans and very close friends, Levi would only tolerate having her around him at all times. So if someone’s gonna say that all of those ‘confessions’ meant nothing, then these facts are proof enough that after the war Levihan had all the chance of being canon. So if Hange had lived these two would have been a sealed deal - but that isn’t possible in reality due to Levi’s popularity.

So, Hange dies and Isayama avoids a ton of mess for himself.

All of this is entirely my take on breaking down my fav character’s death, not saying it’s 100% legit. Just a harmless analysis.

[tenjikufag]

Had a worm in my brain,

From all your favorites/the men you write about, least to most likely, would cheat on you/the reader?

More so curious lol, not too big on cheater fics but an question itch was there

Trick question- none of them. Because we are so perfect we are the best boyfriends these characters will ever get and we are their world

BUT!

I’ll indulge that worm of yours with little hcs. (From least to most likely). These are from a select few characters I’ve written for- as my personal favourite charas are a bit too ambiguous for this question. KINDA LONG. Read under the cut.

Starting off STRONG is

Laios Touden.

He would never cheat, never crosses his mind, hell he barely entertains or perceives new friendships/dynamics. The fact you’d managed to reel this man in with how distracted and scatter brained he is, is a testament to the strong bond the two of you have. On a good day, he’s still off somewhere in the clouds of his mind that are full of the many ideas and quarries he has about everything- on a bad day, where he cannot bare to give even a single thought to even his current fixations of research- you’re there. Underneath everything that he is, you are the net that catches him from falling too far. Laios would never, ever, hurt you in such a way. Loyal to a fault if you had not reciprocated the feeling.

Jiyan

He’s loyal, respectful, humble, and protective. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’d be anything but faithful to you, his one and only. Aside from the obvious of him not having time to fool around with someone other than you, it’s simply mentally tasking to think of anyone but you. You’re the only thing keeping him grounded, with the hellish occupation he’s found himself in you’re the constant in his routine and always been the silver lining of everything. If he can’t find the will to get up, his body crying for rest and maybe even begging him to give up to let the world crumble at his feet; you are the reason he gets up to fight another day. The reason he pushes himself on those days where everything is simply too much. If he can protect you, it’s worth more than seeing the sun rise another day. You’re his everything, and dedicated is what he will be till the end of his days, he only wishes that it will be by your side.

Bokuto

Come on! Do you really think he’d do that? Man has a heart of gold, determination behind the gold in his eyes and nothing but zest of life exuding from his every action. Really, the only thing he may be emotionally cheating on you with is volleyball. But even then, you’re the mistress to his first love. Anyways, once he’s dedicated, it’s for the long haul. He’s chosen you as a life partner off the bat, this dating is not casual by any means. Dating for the fun of it is not his prerogative, he dates for the end goal of having someone to spend his eventual retirement with! Marriage would seem like an end goal but he’s a big picture kinda guy, even if he is very much live in the moment everything he does has a purpose in his mind. You are a conscious choice, not just a fleeting decision that he’s going to let go of once things get tough. He’s working hard at this, any doubts you have for him better go out the window or get washed in the laundry along with the rest of the dirt. Bokuto would never. You’re his and you’re stuck with him. There’s no other option for him! You’re the gold!

Now, onto the more likely or could possibly.

Izana Kurokawa

Listen, I love the man. But, you don’t end up running with the largest underground crime rings having the most sound mind. Sure, he loves you and such but I do think that a fleeting moment of pure desire could nudge him into it. And I say nudge because he wouldn’t need a push, he doesn’t expect good things in this life so why let you break things off and hurt him first when he could hurt you first? Sound planning in his head, even if he knows you’d never do what he’s doing. It’ll hurt, he won’t leave you to find out either. He’s straightforward despite being slick of the tongue, it’s a passive confession. If he didn’t do it, he will still inform you of what he could’ve done. Whether it be that he feels like he owes it to you to know, or if he simply wants a reaction from you, it’s undecided and really, he wouldn’t know himself. It’s ambiguous. You could be raising every star in the sky for him but if there ever comes a deal or situation where his morals and loyalty to you is put to the test.. he can’t promise you would give him a passing grade.

Gojo Satoru

Walk with me here, he’s a loser. Canonically does not get anything, no one would dare be in his vicinity without reason and he really does not come off as nearly desirable to the general public as many would believe. So imagine with that in mind, the moment he gets attention from someone without the need to know him intimately/emotionally like you do, he could falter. He’s a man of always assuming the grass is greener, that there’s always something better, and to be quite Frank, even if he does have a way with words he isn’t that socially equip to decipher that these said events are fleeting moments. You’ll be there for him when he gets home, you know him in a way he doesn’t know fulfills needs he hasn’t ever gone without to realize they are needs so when propositioned I can’t imagine that he wouldn’t act on it. Im possibly biased because I just wrote a fic of him cheating (and I really don’t like him) but he’s incredibly inept. Conniving yes, smart yes, but is he perceptive to his own emotions and what he’s actually giving up and sacrificing? Im not too convinced.

Denji

(tw for internalized homophobia etc)

Yeah yeah I can imagine the groans and sighs from here, give it up. He’s always liked girls, him liking you feels like a one off even if he’s rubbing one’s out on the regular to the filth he reads about guys and porno mags of gay dudes. If a girl ever came around and he happened to actually feel some form of interest in her I can’t imagine him not giving it a chance. It’s what you’re meant to do right? Being with a chick probably feels way better in his mind, you’re a one off relationship and he’s sure he’s gonna have more after you because everyone has more than one relationship right? Maybe he’ll “get it right” once he’s with a girl, even if he finds out it’s not all it’s cracked up to be- maybe he doesn’t even like it. He’s a young adult, a naive one at that. Being privy to almost anything but romantic/sexual relationships or even his own attractions- his own need to be accepted and live a normal life tugs at him to do it. Being gay isn’t normal in his mind, to society it’s odd and he is already weird enough on his own- being with a girl would possibly make him feel more… normal. It’s complex, but I do think he may do it just for the fact that it seems like the right thing to do.

-THATS ALLLL, I tried to do a couple series but if you had any specific character in mind that isn’t here I’d happily give you my thoughts. :) again, cheating fics and prompts aren’t my strong suit so this could be totally not what your worm wanted to hear. Anyways, thank you for reading my rambles.

[mylittleponyauprompts]

I’ve been thinking about cutie marks recently and I think it’s really weird how ponies view them when things like bad luck are an option for someone’s destiny. Couldn’t a destiny like that be considered a disability? Couldn’t Starlight Glimmers spell be altered to have positive medical effects in cases like Trouble Shoes? I just think Trouble Shoes shouldn’t have to live with bad luck for the rest of his life because destiny/fate dictate it and a mark on his butt say so. A pony with a cutie mark and destiny that might as well be a curse to them shouldn’t have to live with that.

There’s a cutie mark disease for crying out loud. Cutie pox is getting too many cutie marks. I think cutie marks are an important magical phenomenon that happens to ponies and it can have good or bad effects. And has magical illnesses and mutations surrounding it. Sometimes a pony can get something like bad luck as a “destiny” or get to many cutie marks, and maybe not get any at all.

Ponies view cutie marks as such an important part of being a pony that not having might as well be not being a pony. Don’t worry you’ll get one eventually! Or suck it up, it is your destiny chosen for you! I think Starlight Glimmer discovering the ability to remove cutie marks, and thus the magical powers it gives, probably changes many ponies views a lot. “I don’t have to live like this? There’s an experimental treatment?” And many probably look down on this. It causes magical fatigue. Your magic skills lower. Your ability to do anything in that field basically becomes nullified.

But if you had bad luck as a “destiny” or had multiple cutie marks where the only known cure for that was extremely rare and hard to get, wouldn’t Starlights spell be promising? Magical fatigue and some skills lost seems preferable.

And my biggest thing with this, is that Trouble Shoes got arrested for having bad luck if I’m remembering correctly. His destiny got him put in jail. And the solution is for him to become a rodeo clown? I just think it’s insulting to him. You’ve been getting arrested for property destruction and vandalism because of your destiny? Go to the circus! Become a clown! Trouble shoes deserves better

[eth-edwards-73]

Vampire Empire

marc guiu x reader based on Vampire Empire  warnings: toxic relationship, toxic Marc, angst

(the parts that are written in cursive are recollections and memories)

At first your relationship with Marc had been great, you had known each other for almost your whole life so it wasn’t a surprise to everyone when you got together in the year you both turned 14. The first two years were heaven together but then came the third year, the year in which Marc started playing for the national under 17 team and FC Barcelona. Everything from there went downhill for the both of you, he was stressed and took almost everything out on you. Your relationship went in circles every time; Marc would take his anger and stress out on you, you complained about it after, he’d apologize and then he’d go right back to doing the same thing. You had told him so many times that you couldn’t keep doing this and that if he did it again that you’d leave but then you’d stay because you couldn’t get it over your heart to break his and yours with it. 

Your friends had managed to talk some sense into you and you had promised that if he did it again you’d leave him forever. 

Well, I walked into your dagger for the last time

You stood in the kitchen of your apartment with Marc with him yelling at you about some irrelevant thing that you hadn’t done that day because you were busy doing other things. With one hand you leaned on the counter and with the other you pinched the bridge of your nose, you were exhausted from his constant yelling at you. The first few arguments you’d taken all his words to heart but right now it went in one ear and out of the other, you just couldn’t be bothered with his constant string of complaining. 

“Just stop.” You muttered and Marc stopped yelling, his brows knitting together in confusion as he looked at you sigh. You truly looked tired and like you hadn’t slept in months when you turned towards him. 

“This is the same thing multiple times every week, i’ve told you before that this can’t go on forever and you apologize before doing the same thing again,” Your face stays void of any emotion but your eyes show a whirlwind of them: “It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow.” 

Where you can't seem to hold me, can't seem to let me go

Marc had cried and begged for you to stay like he always did but his crocodile tears didn’t faze you anymore, the only thing you felt towards them was resentment, for keeping you with him for so long and making you so unhappy. But during his crying never once had he stepped forward and tried to hold you back from leaving, no attempts at hugs or grabbing your wrists to get you to stay while you packed up all your bags.

 

So I can't find surrender and I can't keep control

Your heart screamed at you to stay with Marc, to surrender once again while your brain screamed at you to keep control and to leave this situation after all it was the best for you or was it? You weren’t sure and you felt unsteady like you had for the last year with Marc. 

You turn me inside out, and then you want me outside in

The first time you felt the change in your relationship was his birthday, the two of you were going out to eat with his parents and younger brother. You had given him the task to choose which dress you should wear and you had given him two options both silk dresses, one red and the other a soft baby blue. He had chosen the red one and you had worn it to the dinner. When the two of you had gotten home he had started complaining about the dress and that you should’ve worn the baby blue one. You had reminded him that he had chosen the red dress, laughing a little about it and after that he had lashed out at you. 

You spin me all around, and then you ask me not to spin

On valentines day, Marc had asked you if you would be willing to come to more of his games because he found it important that you’d be there now that he was getting closer to going professional. You complied, wanting to make him happy even though you were very busy with your studies. 

Like you had promised you went to almost every game unless you had an exam but with you going to games more often came Marc getting mad at you because you went so often and his teammates found it embarrassing for him since their girlfriends never came so often. So, taking in his complaint you had stopped going as often but you still went sometimes. After a while he started complaining that you didn’t go to  his games enough. 

In the end the both of you just kept going in circles about it with him wanting you to go more and then less. Nothing ever seemed good enough. 

You say you wanna be alone and you want children

When your relationship was at very low points Marc sometimes admitted that he couldn’t see you two being together in the long term but after he’d go around telling everyone who would listen that you were the one for him and that he couldn’t imagine life without you. 

You had even heard him fantasizing about your kids with him to his mother and yours. But then you’d go home and he’d tell you he never wanted kids. 

You wanna be with me and you wanna be with him

In the summer of 2023 you had planned a vacation with Marc to try and work everything out, he seemed really happy with the idea and was very involved in planning the vacation.

A week before the vacation he had broken the news to you that he was going on a vacation with Hector the week that the two of you were supposed to go on vacation so you took your best friend with you on the vacation instead. 

While you and your best friend were on the vacation, Marc tormented you about going with your best friend instead of him. 

It wasn’t the first time Marc had canceled you at the last minute to do something with his friends instead. This was just the only major event you could really remember because it had become such a habit. 

You give me chills, I've had it with the drills

For one last time you looked back at Marc while you stood at the opening of the door, waiting for your older brother to reply to your text in which you asked him to pick you up from your apartment. Chills went through you as you looked at the man who had treated you so horribly over the last year. You were completely done with his lectures about every little thing you did wrong in his eyes.

 

I'm nothing, you are nothing, we are nothing with the pills

Nothing could help the both of you anymore in this relationship, there was nothing that could save whatever was left between you two.

 

I am empty 'til she fills

You felt empty right now, like you had every time after an argument until Marc apologized to you. You felt as if nothing could ever satisfy you as much as Marc’s sweet words had.

alive until she kills

“This isn’t going to work. I wish you the best.” Marc felt as if you’d ripped his heart out and stomped on it when you uttered those words, he felt as if his legs would give out if he stepped towards you so he didn’t, instead staying nailed to the floor as he looked at you on the doorstep. 

His heart cried but he didn’t, no tears spilled out of his eyes or even brimmed up. 

His brain wanted to talk but his mouth didn’t move.

 

In her vampire empire, I am

The last few months he had sucked your soul out of you like he was a vampire sucking blood and now you were doing the same to him. 

You regained your lost soul but took his and his heart with you. 

You truly felt like you were in your vampire empire. 

Falling, yeah

Your brother arrived and you stuffed all your stuff in the car as Marc stayed in the apartment, stuck to his place as you left. The door closed behind you and his legs finally gave out, tears started running down his face as unheard pleas left his mouth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

idk how to really feel about this one but i think it's a good start to start writing more things again

[silverskull]

hey can you do a future fic where Angela speaks at Tim’s wedding as his “best women” and the speech be emotional as fuckkkkk

This prompt was just too enthusiastic to pass up. Thank you, Nonnie. I know you sent this on the FIRST OF JANUARY, but better late than never… eh? It took a little gear grinding, but I eventually got back into the writing flow!

Full fic below the cut, or HERE on AO3 (kudos, comments and reblogs loved and adored! 💖)

“I don’t give a damn.”

“You give so many damns they’re visible from space.”

Tim rolled his eyes at Angela, working hard not to choke on his mouthful of coffee at the same time. She might be right, but it would never do to let her actually know that she was. He set his mug down on his office desk, studiously ignoring her, and shuffling through the manila folders in his inbox instead.

“Are you inviting Talia?”

“She’s on the list.”

“Good. Then she’ll get this.”

Angela chewed the end of her pen thoughtfully, staring at the writing in the incongruously pink notebook in her other hand. She seemed to come to some sort of conclusion, nodding firmly, before scribbling rapidly on the next blank page. She’d made herself perfectly at home in Tim’s office, slouched in the chair opposite his desk, one leg slung lazily over the armrest, and there didn’t seem to be any way for him to remove her without physically ejecting the entire chair from the room.

It was his own fault, really.

He could have chosen anyone - Thorsen would have done whatever he asked, and, given his history, probably funded the entire endeavour just for the privilege. Genny was an obvious option, or even one of his nephews - the role would have been ceremonial, and Tim could still have control over everything. Lucy had actually suggested Grey, who would have been perfect… if only Tim hadn’t already asked Angela.

And now she had inserted herself into what seemed like his every waking moment, alternatively referring to herself as his ‘Best Woman’, ‘Groom's Girl’, ‘Chief Chick’, or, with what was becoming frightening regularity, ‘Maid of Awesomeness’.

“I’m definitely running with the ‘hot pants’ joke,” Angela concluded aloud, ticking a section of the page with visible satisfaction.

Tim fixed his eyes on his computer screen, scrolling blindly through the afternoon’s unread emails.

“Do whatever you want. I’ve told you: I don’t give a damn.”

“Oh but you will,” Angela drawled, glancing up at him from the corner of her eye. “You. Will.”

***

“...and he says ‘hot pants?’, right? Like a question! Like he didn’t just completely ignore the paragraphs about it in the group chat a few months earlier! The full-on emoji text chains! The links to several unquestionable websites! So, the bachelorette squad comes as a complete shock to him when he rolls up to us in the shop at two am!”

Angela had the crowd practically crying with laughter, and Tim could see Noah and June lurching with mirth in their chairs, slapping the table, the crystal champagne glasses on the surface ringing with the vibration. Under their own table, he slipped his hand around Lucy’s waist, settling his fingers against the lace dress covering her upper thighs. He pressed his nose against her neck, burying his embarrassment in the curls of her hair, and she raised her hand to his cheek, holding him close as her giggles bubbled low in her throat, tingling against the skin on his lips.

“Ignore her,” she whispered.

“Absolutely not,” he replied, pinching her thigh mischievously and raising his lips to her ear. “She’s right. I missed a lot. In fact, I think I’m going to need a thorough revision course. And, you’ll remember, I learn best by doing.”

Lucy snorted, her cheeks turning an alluring shade of pink, and she slapped him on the chest, shoving him firmly away from her. He moved with her, rolling back and smirking, then sliding his hand up to her neck. Her smiling lips were too good to resist, and he drew her towards him for a quick kiss, resting his nose against hers and letting her eyes blur into warm, brown pools before him.

“And as sickeningly lovey-dovey as they are today, you might be surprised to learn that it wasn’t always this way…” Angela tapped her notecards pointedly on the mic stand and Tim heard Bailey stifle a giggle at the table in front of them. He straightened his jacket with one hand, clearing his throat and turning ever-so-slightly away from Lucy and towards Angela.

Angela narrowed her eyes at him, tossing her hair over one shoulder and turning back to the crowd.

“It was hard to say, at first, which one of them annoyed the other more. Smart money would have been on Tim - the hardass TO with a record number of washouts. The man loves a challenge, and finding flaws in the knowledge of one of the brightest young things to graduate the Academy this decade was like catnip for him. He couldn’t resist tormenting her.”

Tim could see Bailey again, turning to Nolan beside her and raising her eyebrows quizzically. Nolan shook his head and dropped it into his hands, massaging a point on his forehead as if the memory was physically hurting him. Tim grinned.

“But Lucy didn’t just roll over and take it,” Angela continued, interrupting Tim’s hazy memory of Lucy, framed outside the passenger window of their shop and hurrying alongside him while the sun beat mercilessly down on her long, wool sleeves. “Oh no. Lucy Chen gave the betting pool a run for their money. Am I right, Smitty? Not that there’s a betting pool in the office or anything, Sarge…” Angela pursed her lips and frowned in feigned seriousness at Grey, who, like Nolan, now also had his eyes covered. It did nothing to put a halt to Angela’s gallop.

“This woman stole her training officer's wallet - picked his damn pocket in the middle of a brawl, and kept it secret until he realised he couldn’t pay for his dinner. She abandoned him with her beer tab on Plain Clothes Day, detonated powder in his face the night she made P2, and bribed her way into short sleeves by setting him up on a successful date. By the way - hey, Rachel! Long time, no see.” Angela waved airily at a table near the back of the room, while Tim tried, unsuccessfully, to keep a straight face. Lucy had thrown her head back in gales of laughter, one hand pressed to her chest, where his engagement ring glinted and glimmered in the reflected light of the chandeliers.

It drew his eyes to the gold wedding band just below it, freshly polished and perfectly sized. He was reaching for her hand before he even realised what he was doing, stroking his thumb along the smooth metal and drawing her knuckles to his lips. She curled her fingers around his, tipping her head towards him and letting him pull her close.

This - this moment here with her, in front of their friends and family - was worth a thousand of her powder bombs. A million.

He’d pay her back, of course. 

But he’d take as good as he gave - something he hadn’t even realised about himself until he met Lucy. Who’d have thought he could make it to his late thirties, through a troubled childhood, two tours in the Middle East, and a broken marriage, and still have things to learn about himself? So many years spent weaving his tough, protective cocoon, building up the hard-knocks and hard-laughs persona that culminated in TO Bradford, only to find the catalyst for his metamorphosis right there in the passenger’s seat of his shop.

His bride. His wife.

His Lucy.

“But, despite the friction, they settled into an easy rhythm. I saw it, slowly falling into place. Bishop too. Harper had all sorts of blatant and inappropriate questions when she joined the team.” Angela winked at Nyla, who raised her glass in response, a sly grin hidden behind the crystal rim. “And I know he’ll never admit it, but I don’t doubt that Sergeant Grey saw exactly where this was headed long before any of the rest of us. Sir, you’re practically psychic when it comes to teaming people up, and there’s nothing you can do to change my mind.”

Celina was nodding along with Angela’s words, her eyes wide and her mouth tight with reserved laughter. Luna was whispering in her ear, and Grey was trying - and failing - to speed Angela up with a raised finger, circling in the air.

“And we joke. We do. We have good times in our Mid-Wilshire family.” Angela paused as calls of ‘hear hear’ echoed throughout the room and glasses were lifted in an agreeable toast. “But things haven’t always been easy. Not for us. Not for Lucy and Tim. We’ve had our tragedies, and we’ve lost good people along the way. I’d like to direct your attention, and ask you to raise your glasses, to the couple’s ‘In Memoriam’ shrine, and particularly our colleagues… our friends: Captain Zoe Anderson and Officer Jackson West.” 

Quiet murmurs rustled through the crowd as people twisted in their seats to look for the little table Lucy had insisted on setting up near the front of the room. Small flickering tealights and loose white petals artfully surrounded framed pictures of their friends, and it felt, for a moment, as if the ceiling lights above them dimmed and the happy faces of Jackson, Captain Andersen and the others beamed brighter, smiling their approval through the insubstantially thin veil that separated them.

Lucy turned to Tim then, dipping her head against his shoulder and dropping his hand to swipe her own fingers across her cheek. He caught the momentary sheen of tears below her lashes, and he wrapped his arm tightly around her waist, pulling her closer to him and into the space below his shoulder where she fit just-so. He felt her hand stretch up along his back, latching onto his neck for support, and he raised his lips to her forehead, dropping a comforting kiss onto the crown of her head.

“I can tell you - if either of them were with us today, I wouldn’t be up here entertaining you all by myself. Both Jackson and Captain Andersen would have had plenty to say about this particular turn of events.” Angela smirked at Tim again, and he heard Lucy give a constricted laugh from her perch at his shoulder.

“But that’s not to say that it was entirely unexpected. These two have been through their fair share - more than fair, even - of troubles. Neither of you-” she turned to wave her notecards at both Lucy and Tim “-have seen the other when one of you is missing. And it’s a testament to your flair for thrill-seeking that this has happened more than once.”

“Bad-Luck magnets!” Smitty yelled, from the back of the hall.

Angela allowed a brief chuckle to pass through the crowd before she became solemn again.

“But seriously. You’ve come through the worst things life could throw at you - anyone’s worst fears - and you’ve come out stronger for it. We’ve all witnessed it. Tim, I know you would move heaven and earth for Lucy; and hell would freeze over before Lucy would leave Tim behind. It’s inspirational. It’s powerful. And it’s a little scary, not gonna lie.”

Tim allowed himself a quick laugh, tightening his grip around Lucy’s waist, and imagining the sparkle of her moonstone ring on the fingers gently combing through the hairs on the back of his head. She leaned closer to him, her cheek resting just above the collar of his dress shirt, and he pushed away the thoughts, dark and intrusive, of what his life would be like if he hadn’t found that ring. If she hadn’t thought to drop it for him. If the trust between them wasn’t so strong, so unshakeable, that it kept her believing he’d come for her, even as her own breath slowly started to poison her and the sun sank low over the endless, barren desert, leaving him chasing the shadows of his own fear.

A cold shiver ran down his spine, and Lucy, ever observant, sat up, tilting her head to catch his eye with a quizzical brow. He gave a small shake of the head, raising his hand from her waist to her neck, and he brushed his lips against her forehead again, steadying himself with her warmth, her fragrance, and her proximity.

She was here. She was here. She was here, and she was safe and they were surrounded by support and love, and that was all that mattered.

Lucy settled back against his side as Angela continued, and Tim let his hand drift along the cool skin of her arm and down into its home on the curve of her hip.

“All of which brings us neatly back to Hot Pants here, and her lovely husband, Handsy.”

The crowd erupted into laughter, partly at Angela’s nonchalant delivery, partly in relief at being back from the brink of horrors past. Tim reached for his glass and took a fortifying sip of his champagne, as Lucy, amused, tapped her thumb at the base of his neck.

“You know, for all I said earlier about the inevitability of this whole relationship, I think there are a couple of people that deserve the real credit for finally propelling these two numbskulls into action. Raise a glass with me, if you will, for Jake Butler, RIP, and Sava Wu, MIA.”

A split in the crowd quickly became apparent, with the Mid-Wilshire gang laughing and toasting energetically, while their friends from outside the station clinked glasses in confusion, with puzzled looks and whispered questions.

“It’s a shame LA CLEAR shut down the airing of that documentary for operational security reasons,” Angela continued “But for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, suffice it to say that these two dummies had to go undercover together -  to Las Vegas, of all places - and they thought a solid method of preparation was to get together and practise. kissing.”

Uproarious laughter filled the room, and, at her table, Tamara dropped her head onto her hands, her eyes squeezed shut and her shoulders shaking with laughter. Tim could feel his cheeks grow red again, and he turned to Lucy, who was also giggling, one elbow resting on his shoulder, with the back of her hand covering her mouth. She glanced at him, her eyes sparkling beneath her dark lashes, and he suddenly found that he didn’t care what anyone else thought. This whole room could yuck it up together at his expense, but he was the only one who Lucy looked at like that. The only one who got to kiss her lips, and cradle her hips and inhale the scent of the skin in the well of her collarbones.

The only one who got to wear her ring.

“None of us were ever privy to exactly what went on after that. There was a little bit of separation, some partner reshuffling, and a lot of stupidly longing glances across the bullpen - yes, we all saw you,” Angela addressed this last part directly to Tim and Lucy, rolling her eyes before turning back to the mic. “But somehow or other, before we knew it, we were all conniving to bump Tim out of Lucy’s chain of command, and the two of them started arriving to work, more often than not, in the same vehicle.”

Angela paused to take a drink from her champagne flute, and the crowd waited patiently, eager to hear what secrets she’d spill next. Tim felt Lucy’s foot stroke the back of his calf, hidden from sight beneath the draped folds of the tablecloth, and he cleared his throat and tried, heroically, to focus his attention back on Angela.

“And somehow, all of that has led us here, today. To this room and this celebration. It’s been a long road, with plenty of obstacles, and I don’t doubt that you two will have more to come. All I can wish for you is this: May the road rise to meet you, and the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. May the rain fall softly on the field of your love, and until we meet again-” Angela turned to lift her glass to the crowd, who, by some unspoken agreement, had decided to rise to their feet and raise their glasses in response. “May you be safe. May you be cherished. And may you always be this loved. To Tim and Lucy!”

The crowd repeated Angela’s toast, cheering and clapping for them, and Tim felt the uncanny sensation that his heart was about to burst out of his chest. His breath was tight, his eyes unexpectedly blurry, and it took Lucy’s hand on his jaw, physically turning him towards her, to snap him out of it.

He had a brief glimpse of her face, beaming with happiness, her eyes locked on his, before she pulled him down for a kiss. Their lips met, soft and warm and champagne-sweet, and the rush of blood in his ears slowed to match the steady rhythm of the pulse below her skin. He inhaled deeply, vanilla frosting and floral bouquet and Lucy - just Lucy - warm and familiar and ever inviting. He kissed her again, quickly, smiling, then hooked her fingers through his own, guiding her upright and presenting her to their friends with a flourish.

The cheering increased in volume, Thorsen’s sharp wolf-whistle piercing through the applause, and Tim took a moment to nod towards Angela. She winked at him, dropping her notecards into her clutch, and he mouthed a silent ‘thank you’.

He’d made the right choice, with her, after all.

And as Lucy tugged on his hand, turning him towards her for yet another public kiss, he couldn’t help feeling like he’d made the right choice over and over again; finally finding his place in the world. His people. His family. The loving home he’d been searching for ever since he was a small boy.

And here, now, with those same friends and family, and Lucy - his Lucy - he allowed himself to celebrate that home. To let his friends cheer as he made his vows and placed his ring and kissed his wife.

His love.

His life.

His forever.

[lionlena]

I'll stay with you... ( bc I love you) JavierPeñaxchubby!f!reader

A/N: Ok, I know I said this part is the last one...

And theoretically it is. If you chose non-pregnancy options. If you have chosen to be pregnant then this is the last part.

I've been having a rough day lately and I really needed something brighter. And I really believe after season three, Javier has matured and changed, so here it is: Javier as a dad.

Summary: Five years ago, you left Javier at an American airport. You refused to return to Colombia and hide pregnancy from him. Now your daughter is 4.5 years old and unexpectedly bumps into her papi.

Warnings: angst, fluff, smut, mentions of past trauma, oral sex but just a little.

*

Your daughter ran in front of you and jumped merrily. This child had boundless energy.

Guess after who?

Certainly not after you. You were tired of shopping and wanted to go home. But Mirabel begged you to take her out for ice cream.You couldn't resist the brown puppy eyes she inherited from her father.

In fact, she looked a lot like Javier. She had the same hair color, the same chin shape, same cheekbones.

God, she even laughed the same.

Only the nose and mouth she inherited from you.

You loved her. From the first moment you saw her. Not because she was Javier's daughter. Because, she was your child. And it wasn't always easy. Sometimes you missed the help of the other person when you got up in the night, but ... You weren't deceiving yourself. Even if you stayed with Javier, he'd rather go hookers than get up at night to calm down a crying baby. That's why you didn't regret anything. Well, maybe just once. When Mirabel came home from kindergarten and she crying and asked why other children had daddies and she didn't?

She was too young for to tell her the truth. So you said that her papi catches very bad people, very far away and you can't disturb him.

Fortunately, it was enough for her and she was happy again.

*

Javier was walking towards his favorite cafe when his heart stopped. Did he really see you? So many times he thought about finding you. So many times he wanted to tell you that he had changed, that he had dropped everything. Many times. But he always thought you were right to leave him. It took him a while, but he finally realized how badly he treated you. He had no right to hurt you, betray you, order you around. He didn't deserve you. And yet fate has put you in his way again. You were even more beautiful than he remembered. He barely noticed the child running in front of you. He only woke up when he saw the fear in your eyes and heard your scream:

 "Mirabel!"

 He rushed forward to save her.

*

You lost your head when you saw Javier walking towards you. You just stood there forgetting that your daughter was running in front of you. It has practically not changed. He was still damn handsome.

And suddenly a cyclist rode past you at high speed. Like in slow motion you saw him driving straight at your child. You were too far away to save her. Fortunately, Javier showed the reflexes acquired from years of chasing the sicario. He managed to grab the girl in his arms and jump aside.

 Javier smiled at the baby in his arms.

 "Are you all right, Pumpkin?"

 The little one shook her head and laughed, and he had a strange feeling that he knew the sound. By this time you had already run up to them and started to look at her. She was fine. And of course she was laughing. Why not? You placed one hand on Javier's chest and began to breathe heavily. You didn't even notice you were doing it. It was instinct.

 "Y/N are you okay? She's fine, really."

 Mirabel looked at him in surprise.

 "Do you know my mommy?"

 Javier nodded and carefully set the baby down. He was still looking at you worriedly.

 "Y/N, you're pale."

 "I'm fine, Javier."

 Your daughter picked up on his name right away.

 " Jav, will you go out for ice cream with us?"

 You really loved your daughter but sometimes you hated her openness to other people. Javier patted her head and replied:

 "Sure Sweetpea! "

 You didn't know if he agreed because he was curious about meeting you or he really worried about you.

*

Half an hour later, you watched your daughter sitting on the swing eating ice cream. Javier sat next to you on the bench and watched you closely.

 "Thank you for saving her," you finally said when you were sure your voice wouldn't shake.

 "It's okay. I feel it's my fault anyway. If you hadn't seen me, this wouldn't have happened."

 "We don't know that. Fortunately, nothing happened. She didn't even understand how dangerous it was. She'll probably talk about it all as if it was a great adventure."

 Javier really didn't want to be nosy but curiosity was eating him up. He sensed the perfect moment to ask the question that was bothering him. Did you have a husband?

 "I'm sure her dad won't be happy when she tells him what happened today."

 "We live alone" you said without even looking at him.

 "Oh... So her father was an asshole who left you?"

 You almost laughed. Javier obviously hasn't put all the facts together yet.

 "Actually, I left that asshole at the airport. I figured he had more important things to do."

 And then it clicked. Javier looked at Mirabel, then at you, then at the little girl again. Yeah! Age, looks and that laugh!

 "That's mine daughter?"

 You winced at that one specific word.

 "I don't like the word "mine""

 To your surprise, Javier immediately corrected himself.

 "I'm her father?"

 " Yes, Javier, but your part in it was very small. "

 "I guess. You handled everything on your own. In fact, I shouldn't be surprised. You've always been strong."

 You could hear the genuine admiration in his voice and you finally looked at him. He really looked different somehow. Like he hasn't changed. That handsome hot guy was still sitting next to you. Yet he seemed calmer, more composed, and more mature.

 "What happened with you?" you asked.

 "I was chasing the Cali cartel. As usual, I made a few mistakes... People died... And something finally snapped inside me. I retired. I lived with my father for a while and recently moved here. What about you?"

 "I moved closer to my cousin during my pregnancy. She and her parents were very supportive. I moved here two years ago. I found a job, bought a house, and Mirabel went to kindergarten."

 Javier looked at the baby again, and you saw delight fill his eyes.

 "She is wonderful. I would like to get to know her better." He looked at you sadly. "Someday, if you let me..."

 You felt a pang of guilt. There was a time when Javier treated you like a princess. He protected you and cared about you. He didn't deserve such suffering.

 "You can drive us home."

 You've never seen Javier so happy. Of course, like him, your daughter was also in heaven. You weren't even surprised when Mirabel grabbed Javier's hand and dragged him into the house to show him her bunny. You weren't surprised that she was sitting on his lap and enthusiastically telling him how to take care of Thumper. Although the truth was, you were the one taking care of that damn pet.

What really surprised you was Javier's behavior.

You never thought he would be so good with children. He was patient, gentle, and made Mirabel laugh. It was hard to believe that they had only known each other for a few hours. That's why you let him stay and read her a bedtime story. You promised yourself that as soon as Mirabel fell asleep you would tell him to disappear but Javier was standing in the doorway of the children's room and staring at the sleeping child.

 "Javier, can we talk?" you whispered.

 "Please give me five more minutes. I want to remember, what she looks like," he replied quietly and the despair in his voice hitting you.

 "You talk as if you'll never see her again."

 He finally looked at you and sighed heavily.

 "And did I will see? You have power over me, Y/N. If you tell me to leave, I will. I have changed."

 And you changed your mind. You couldn't just tell him to leave. You really saw that he was different. You grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the living room. You sat on the couch together.

"Do you really like that you have a daughter?"

 He nodded his head and smiled slightly.

 "Yes. It's just... I lost so much... Her first smile, first word, first step... First day of kindergarten."

 "You are mad at me?"

 "No. I'm angry but at myself." You looked at him surprised. "I know I was an asshole, Y/N. I used you and treated you like property. I never really asked what you wanted. I took everything because you gave in to me. If I had followed you at the airport then. If I had apologized for cheating... Maybe everything would look different."

 "I don't think so. I think you needed time to mature."

 Javier grabbed your hand.

 "I want to apologize to you so much. Can I stay? If you don't want to..."

 You didn't let him finish. You just jumped on him and wrapped your arms around his neck. You felt him hug you tightly and you sighed. All these years you wanted to hear that he was sorry.

 "I missed you so much. You were such an asshole." You felt tears roll down your cheek. "And yet I missed you."

 "I'm so sorry, cariño." You pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. You had to be sure he was sincere. "You know, I have never called anyone that. I've had other women, but I couldn't say this word without imagining your face."

 Javier gently wiped away your tears.

 "I love you Y/N." Your heart beat harder. "I really love you. I didn't realize it until you left me."

 "Well, I knew I loved you. I loved you even when I left you and... I wanted to stop, but no man could compare to you. They were kind and faithful, but none of them made me feel the way I felt around you. But you have to understand something. If you want to stay, you can never be an asshole again. No more whores, no more possessiveness, no more selfishness."

 "I'm done with all this a long time ago, I swear."

 You nodded your head.

 "Good, because if you hurt me, I'll cut you out of my life forever. But if you hurt our daughter, I'll kill you. I'm not kidding."

 "I know you're serious. Even though I only met her a few hours ago, I'd kill anyone who tried to hurt her."

 You laughed and suddenly you just wanted to kiss him. And you did it. You climbed onto his lap and connected your lips in a passionate kiss. You felt his hands begin to roam your body, but he did it differently. He was less pushy than before. He was cautious, like he still wasn't sure how much you would let him?

His hands gently squeezed your thighs.

 "God, I missed you so much. Your body and everything you gave me. I screwed it all up."

 "You have a chance to fix it"

 You got up and walked towards the bedroom, but Javier didn't move. You narrowed your eyes.

 "Do you need a special invitation?"

 "Are you sure?"

 "Javi , I'm not a little girl. I know what I want. Come on."

 He finally came over to you and cuddled up to your back.

 "And Mirabel? Won't she wake up?"

 "Our daughter has a very heavy sleep."

 He kissed your neck and whispered:

 "I like it when you say it, "our daughter""

*

When you found yourself in bed you were delighted with Javier's gentleness. Maybe you missed it a bit his old heat, but you knew there was still time for that. When his head was between your legs, you felt the old shiver. He didn't disappoint you. Within minutes he had you writhing and moaning. As you slowly came out of your orgasm, he kissed your stomach and ran his hands over your hips. When he finally kissed you lips, you could feel your juices on his tongue. He rested his forehead against yours and asked:

 "You want more?"

 "Are you asking if I want to feel you inside me? Who are you and what have you done with Javier? Yes, I do."

 He laughed and reached for his pants, pulled out his wallet, then found a condom. You raised your eyebrows.

 "I assume you don't want any more kids, just yet," he said.

 "I may never want to have more."

 He nodded and kissed your thigh.

 "It's okay. I'll respect any decision you make."

 You dug your nails into his arms as he sticked into you. You felt wonderful. You've had several men, after him, but none of them knew your body as well as Javier.

 You quickly felt your second orgasm approaching.

 "Javier, I..."

 "Me too honey"

 Later, when you hugged each other and catches breath, you felt really happy. Javier buried his nose in your hair and hugged you tightly.

 "You won't smoke?" you asked.

 "I quit it."

 You kissed his chest. But you had to ask one more question.

 "Will you be here in the morning?"

 "Of course. I'll stay with you because I love you. I'll be here as long as you let me."

 You snuggled closer to him and fell asleep.

*

You woke up in the morning refreshed and happy. Javier wasn't next to you, and when you looked at your watch, you became concerned. Normally, your daughter should be jumping over you, by now. You stand up quickly, and as you left the bedroom, you immediately smelled delicious smells coming from the kitchen. As you got closer, you heard your baby's laugh. You silently stood on the doorstep and your heart melted.

Javier was standing by the stove with Mirabel settled on his hip. The little girl laughed and poured pancake batter into the pan, and he praised her. Although even from a distance you were able to see that pancakes have various shapes and none of them are round.

 "Chef  Mirabel, should I turn the pancake?"

 Your daughter tilted her head slightly. She was clearly a chef and took her position very seriously.

 "Hmm... Yes!"

 You couldn't help it anymore and laughed. This, of course, drew their attention to you. Javier had to be very dexterous not to drop Mirabel when she suddenly turned to you.

 "Mommy, we're making pancakes!"

 "Yes, I see darling."

 You moved closer and kissed her cheek. You wanted to take her in your arms, but she wasn't going to let go of Javier. "As if she knew", you thought. Javier gave you a quick kiss on the lips and focused on not burning the pancake. You pulled back and watched them finish making breakfast. When the last pancake was taken out of the pan, your daughter looked at you and asked:

 " Can Jav stay with us? Will he be my uncle?"

 You bit your lip. Two pairs of brown puppy eyes stared at you with hopefully. You couldn't break their hearts. You made a decision.

 "Actually, Javier is your papi and he will staying with us."

 Your daughter's eyes widened and then she began bouncing happily in Javier's arms.

 " Papi! Papi!" she screamed and covered his face with her little hands. "You don't have to catch bad people anymore?"

 "No," he choked out and hugged her tightly.

 Javier looked so happy, like you just gave him a star from sky. He looked at you gratefully and whispered:

 "Thank you."

 You knew everything would be fine. The love in his eyes made you sure of it.

And maybe even one day, you'll let him say "mine" again. If he says it again as a declaration of love and a promise to never hurt you again.

*

 When I was young, before we begun I never thought we all had someone

I took your breath but you took the rest

I promised you always a place on my chest

 Sometimes the love, the love of your life Can make you feel weak, too tired to fight But I'm trying my best to look in your eyes 'Cause tears never age and years never die, die

 But sometimes the love that you feel is just making it worse When I'm disappointing you, we both end up hurt

 So I left a note on our bathroom mirror If you ever forget that you love me

*Isak Danielson - If You Ever Forget That You Love Me

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

[miracles-and-butterflies]

So will Dolores bring some sense into Pepa's head?

Or maybe there's going to be conflict with Pepa and someone else? Perhaps Julieta or Luisa? (She's certainly visited her room for a reason)

She wanted to see proof about Mirabel.

~~~~~~

Luisa awoke the next morning to the sound of crying and harsh breathing.

For a split second, she was going to dismiss it as her imagination and settle back into her comfy bed. But then the events of yesterday came pouring back into her mind.

And she was throwing off the covers in her effort to sit up quickly and check on her sister.

Mirabel was sat at the edge of the bed, desperately clenching at the covers. As though it would keep her body upright.

“Mirabel?”

Jesus Christ. Her voice was hoarse and croaky.

The girl didn’t say anything, though Luisa can imagine that she would have turned around and commented something about Luisa’s voice. Had she not been so preoccupied and lost in her own thoughts, of course.

Luisa went to ask, but caught the sight of her leg. Blood had seeped through the bandages at some point in the night, but it was the awkward angle that she was sat at.

She shifted over and pulled Mirabel into her arms.

“Did you try to walk?” She asked.

Though the answer was already obvious, alongside the result of that.

“Did you need or want something?” She tried next. “Can I get it for you?”

Mirabel turned and buried herself in Luisa’s arms.

“Are you okay? …Did you sleep well or?”

Mirabel just tightened her grip on her sister.

Oh.

“It’s okay, you’re safe here. I’ve got you. Always.”

~~~~~~

“You haven’t made a plate up for Camilo.” Pepa pointed out as she eyed the breakfast table.

“I know.”

“Well… Are you going to make one?”

“No.”

Pepa waved her cloud away.

“He’s still a member of this family, Juli. And a child. A growing child. You can’t starve him.”

“I’m not starving him. I’m simply not cooking for him. You can make him something yourself if you’re so concerned.”

Bruno swallowed nervously, watching his sisters pace back and forth through the kitchen. The tension rising like a storm. “Um… Is now a bad time to say I don’t want this for breakfast?”

“Yes!” They both exclaimed.

“Bruno, tell Pepa she’s being unreasonable about this.”

“No. Bruno,” Pepa called, calmer. “Tell Julieta that she’s being unreasonable about this. Camilo doesn’t deserve to be starved. There is nothing he could have done. He didn’t know it was happening. It was these friends - they are the ones who should be punished.”

“I don’t suppose Camilo has given the names of these friends?” Julieta remarked.

“I don’t suppose Mirabel did either?” Challenged Pepa.

“She was unconscious for most of the day, Pepa!”

“Well, she was awake long enough to make sure Camilo got the blame, wasn’t she?”

Bruno winced.

This house was going to be a nightmare for the next while.

He took his plate and circled back into the empty dining room.

Félix had left a few minutes ago. He’d decided it would be best if Antonio stayed with his parents for the time being. It was a good idea. Bruno wishes he had the option himself.

Dolores had also chosen to leave early. She wanted to vent, have some time and space to think for herself. No doubt she had headed straight for La Casa Guzmàn. She was sure to get a nice, quiet welcome and not too many questions on the Madrigals.

Isabela was never up this early and wouldn’t be for a while. The same for Agustín.

Bruno himself was only up this early because he hadn’t slept.

He isn’t entirely sure what his mother is up to. Praying to his father for guidance, maybe.

And his sisters are still bickering in the kitchen.

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

So if it's not KT who's Kira's endgame(I'm still crying about it tho), then who is it? You mentioned like 4 answers, but remember only Matt and Greg(I'm still shocked) Please, we want to know

LOL so there’s not a canon endgame (not that anything about TIC is “canon,” but you guys know what I mean hehehe), but there are a few fun possibilities that people can chew on! There may be an “official” endgame at some point if I ever write a post-canon future fic set in this AU, but that’s a big IF!

Option 1 - Matthew / someone else from home: This would probably happen the summer after her junior year of college (after she and KT split up), and they’d have a summer fling that just lasted past the summer. Idk I haven’t fully fleshed out any of these

Option 2 - the one, the only Greg Harrison: I have no idea how this would happen, but it would be funny. Maybe they met at a conference for work, but Greg doesn’t strike me as an academic so idk.

Option 3 - Amber: This is my least favorite option, but also would be super iconic. If they ran into each other/met up at a bar in NYC and just really hit it off. #AndTheyWereRoommates

Option 4 - Fabian: So this is only an option if Fabina for whatever reason doesn’t work out (like if she isolated herself out of fear of hurting other ppl with chosen one bullshit, got killed by chosen one bullshit, they just had another wacky breakup… you know how it goes). Kira and Fabian both become professors at the same university when they’re older, teaching different things obviously. They would be colleagues in academia, and I think they would actually pair up surprisingly well. Students at the university would eat it up for sure. But in this universe I kinda think Fabina stays endgame, but yeah I flip-flop on them way too much lol

Option 5 - … KT: OKAY! I’ve given it thought, and it’s very possible that they could have broken up in college, stayed good friends, and then gotten back together later down the line. Maybe they hooked up again at a wedding or something (why is that always my go-to for getting couples back together post-canon omg??)

Anyway… yeah that’s it! But feel free to pick your own endgames!

[little-peril-stories]

My Most Common Tropes

I was tagged by @i-can-even-burn-salad in this post. (....in August, lol.) Thanks, Elli!

Rules: Look back on your work, both past and present, finished and unfinished. What are five to ten narrative elements or tropes that continuously pop up in your work?

OPEN TAG

My most common tropes and narrative elements are....

Angst

Girl Power

Violence & Power Dynamics

(Sad) Family Stuff

Slow Burn

Classic Big Bad Villains

And because I'm me, find four billion examples below the read more. :)

✨ Angst

What more can I say? I love it when my characters are sad. And hurting. And feeling hopeless. And helpless.

No matter what I do, I can’t move. I can’t get to her. I’m helpless. I’m useless. Maybe that’s all I’ve ever been—failing Jamie, failing IA, and now I’m going to fail Bree, too. - TPOT

What difference did it make? He would take her home, and she’d be his pretty possession once again, and every choice she’d made to escape the fate she’d so foolishly chosen for herself four years before would mean absolutely nothing. - TQOL

Yes, the thief thought, he was lucky. Lucky to have had Bree—who didn’t even know him—and her gentle hands on his skin, taking care of him for reasons he didn’t know or understand, doing something for him when he could never, ever pay her back. [...] Lucky that she was real, and that she had been there. Lucky, most of all, that she was gone, and that he would never see her again, because if he did, he’d have to face all over this alien, unwelcome pain of farewell. - TQOL

Being dead and suffering through some kind of purgatory was the least palatable option he’d come up with, yet the scholar half-hoped it was true. If he had died, the hell he was living through now was the false reality. It would eventually crumble into oblivion, blown away on the wind with his ashes, or buried in the ground with his decomposing corpse. - Man of Letters

✨ Girl Power

Action Girl / Plucky Girl / Determinator

Pour one out for my girls Bree, Colette, Alice, Fen, Ivy, Bridget, Nalia, Oriana, Ker, and Balain. Even when they're fucking up, which they do a lot, they're making it through and, in some cases, saving the day. Girls rule, boys drool. (shhh I'm just kidding)

Those same fears come back, renewed and armed with sharper, more vicious teeth than before. But so, too, does that promise. And even though the wind is just as cold as it was that night, and even though what I am leaving behind is infinitely more precious than what I abandoned four years ago, the taste of freedom on the wind is just as sweet. - TPOT

“Put the princess in a pair of pants and watch what happens.”- TQOL

“I chased a fucking wagon across this goddamn city. And then I chased a carriage across it again. I nearly got trampled twice. Do not fucking start with me.” - TQOL

They didn’t know what they were getting themselves into when they decided to kidnap me. I hope I get the chance to make them regret it. - TCOR

“I may be dying,” she said, her voice trembling with fury, “but I’m not dead. And I’m not going to lie around waiting to die, either.” - Book 1

✨ Violence & Power Dynamics

Violence is the Only Option / Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique / No-Holds-Barred Beatdown / Restraints / I Will Punish Your Friend For Your Failure / Defiant Captive

No respite—the rope grew tight again, accompanied now by Baden Hatchett’s hand on his chin. “Tried to take what wasn’t yours, and when she was rightfully repulsed by you, you thought you’d get to me another way instead?” - TQOL

I can’t suppress the cry that escapes as he twists and presses his fingertips against the wound. - TPOT

“Answer me,” the prince said softly, tightening his grip just enough that the scholar’s jaw began to ache. - Man of Letters

“Try to run away and I’ll let him drown your friend,” she said, digging her fingers into Nalia’s arm. - Book 1

✨ Family Stuff

Annoying Younger Sibling / Disappointing Older Sibling / Dead Parents / Abusive Parents

When Will kept bouncing, seeming not to hear their mother’s question, Jamie picked up one of his brother’s abandoned socks from the floor, crushed it into a ball, and hurled it at his head. - TPOT

“No one says anything. No one. Even you. You got arrested and you never fucking told me and he had that old record and that’s how he knew your name, and I can’t believe you never said anything, for fuck’s sake, and that happened when Ma was still alive—” - TPOT

The entire time I was in jail, truly believing and even hoping that my brother had skipped town and saved himself and left me to die, I never wanted to hurt him as much as I do right now. - TCOR

A knife under the ribs. It was Bridget’s fault. “I didn’t—I should’ve—I know I waited too long to go to the feds. I’m going to regret it forever, you know.” - Fen and Freddie

“Keeping me here to suffer more because your mother died on you, that’s not fair.” I know these words will hurt her. I don’t care. “I watched my ma die, too.” - TPOT

“My mother…she used to. She lives in the country now.” A distant look came into his eyes. “My dad’s dead. Of the fever. When it came here.” - Book 1

The soft words of her mother often came to her in such moments—the gentle but fragmented counsel that had helped Cecilia Cooper through her own marriage to Silas Cooper, a bitter man prone to temper and partial to drink. Stay with me, my love, she had whispered so often, and I will keep you safe. A mostly empty promise, untrue but well-meant; Breanna had known even then that her mother had tried her best. Let’s practice some sums, she would sometimes say, smoothing away her daughter’s tear-damp locks, watching the door with a frantic eye in case the handle began to turn. - TQOL

✨ Slow Burn

Make them go through a billion and a half awkward moments and almosts before they kiss!

Almost Kiss / Rescue Romance / Sleep Cute

I bet that hair practically glows red when the sun hits it just right. Especially in the light of sunset, when the sky turns to pink and orange flame. - TPOT

Dawn, of course, does not reach us inside our cell. Its rays can’t drift inside and wake us gently, can’t illuminate our fingers that remained entwined through the night; perhaps it is some innate, natural understanding that it’s almost time to rise that makes my eyes flutter open. A pair of hazel ones stares back. - TPOT

Are we closer than we were a minute ago? Can I better see the flutter of her eyelashes, glittering with tears, as she looks up at me, her cheeks pale, her lips parted to let every frightened breath pass, her hair brushing against her skin in perfect disarray? - TPOT

This was different: lovely, potent, thrilling. Like silken threads woven with bronze, like some entity of creation had crafted this man from warm earth and molten metal. - TQOL

This gaze burned like sunshine—like spring, like warmth on meadow grasses, like the glint of golden light off a pond. It burned, and it didn’t waver, and she knew where he was looking when he shifted a strand of damp hair away from her neck. - TQOL

He fixed her with that annoyingly penetrating gaze, like she was a book he wanted to read. - Book 1

✨ Big-Bad Style Villains

Big Bad / Lack of Empathy / Blaming "The Man" / The Chessmaster / Implacable Man / Evil Gloating

“Mouth off to her again,” he said softly, “and I’m going to make you very sorry.” - Book 1

“Oops,” Brockhurst said. “That might have broken a rib. Or several.” - Fen and Freddie

“Look at you. You’re no hero,” Hatchett says. My eyes fly open again. “A thief is all you are—a terrible one at that. Iustitia aecum, indeed.” He bares his teeth. “You and the others, you wear your guise of honour. Still, you are nothing more than lowlife, thieving criminals. Her, just as much as you.” He scoffs. “She says you saved her, once upon a time. Today, you will not.” - TPOT

“I most certainly am not mistaken,” says Jean Regent. “I did hope we could be civil from the start, but if you continue to be evasive and spout pointless lies, then I am afraid I shall have to resort to more barbaric measures rather quickly.” - TCOR

“Remember this, will you?” Regent lifts the poker from the hearth. “Remember that I could have ended your sorry life and chose not to. Remember that I showed you mercy. And remember…” His smile widens to a grotesque, gaping grin. “Remember that if you anger me again, the girl pays the price.” - TCOR

OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO FUN THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME IN THIS AHH

[discocannon8002]

here’s a little story for you, I need to just vent something that happened, so…

tw: being talked about behind back, brief sh/harmful stimming, self depreciation, lots of angst and not much fluff if any.

if there are ANY tw I missed. Please please please tell me, even if it’s not a common one, you probably aren’t the only one with the trigger. Anyways enjoy!

Lily is my sister the not real life name I’ve chosen for her THERE MIGHT BE A PART TWO if you guys want a fluffier resolution I can write that but this one for venting sake is just mainly if not purely angst.

summary: Bee realizes that her sister might not be as happy or close with her as she thought when she overhears something she says to a friend.

Maybe I was wrong

I’m on a youth group retreat with my church right now. I’m happy because we all chose the restaurant I wanted to go to, chili’s. Of course, if I had full control over where we went, it would’ve been Chick-fil-a, but out of the options I had I’m happy with the decision.

were staying in a rented cabin type house. It’s huge, but the only closed doors are closets and bathrooms and the master bedroom. Everything else is right out in the open. There are six sets of stairs, I counted myself, but two lead to the garage so if you’re already inside you only have to climb four to get to the girls bunk room. There are no bunk beds, so I don’t understand why it’s called that, but it has so many beds. We still had to share one bed between two people. Me and Evie shared a bed at a sleepover already so we were the ones who shared the bed. Going back to the stairs, the last set is a spiral with small steps. It’s rickety and to me terrifying to climb. I can do it, though. I sort of have to just suck it up and push through my slight fear of heights.

this time though, Lily’s friend, Sophie, is trying to go down as I go up. I panic, and since I’m elevated I can’t communicate that I want her to stay upstairs until I get up because it’s already terrifying to climb this spiral without two across. So she comes down and I just hug the pillar in the middle of the spiral and let out one of my unhappy vocal stims.

“are you okay?” She asks when she gets down, seeming worried and even after I tell her that, yes, I’m fine, she still keeps asking because she’s worried.

I head downstairs and out the front door after grabbing my bag, we choose cars and I choose the more spacious one, with Lily, Sophie and Evie. I’m happily enjoying the view out the car window, until I catch a snippet of Lily’s conversation with Sophie.

“she’s always like that, it’s like it’s 24/7. But less at school.”

I hear these words and immediately know who they’re about: me. I can put the pieces together, Sophie was probably telling Sammy something about what happened when I freaked out on the stairs, and Lily got annoyed with me. Still, I thought Sammy and I were on better terms than she thinks, which I now know.

the last thing she’d done that had really hurt me was this summer, and since then I thought she had been done with whatever phase my mom said she was going through. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I’m still not good enough. Does she talk about me this way to other friends too?

but does my autism really bother her this much? I mean I know I don’t mask at home. That’s because I trust them because I trust Lily. Because I trusted they’d not judge me, because I felt safe stimming in front of them. But maybe I should stop if Lily is that bothered by it. Maybe I should mask more around her.

I tear up and try to stop myself by digging my nails into my legs and telling myself to stop caring about what she thinks of she’ll just tear me apart like this in front of her friends who I love and really don’t want to only know the bad parts about me.

it’s like this off and on up until the restaurant, a never ending cycle of me trying to convince myself to not care what she thinks and not to cry and show her that she got to me and stimming that sometimes hurts because that hurt stops me from crying.

[footballffbarbiex]

Feedback so far!

I have presented the following form to you to fill out. So far 34 out of 3,648 followers have filled it out - thank you to those!  And here is what you’ve told me so far:

What you’ve enjoyed reading this year - 

Baby daddy 

domestic fluff

So...Teach Me series

CNC plots like Uninvited

enemies to lovers

forbidden / secret hookups 

that joey + trent threesome

thigh riding pieces

working for a football team and falling for one of the players

single parent

you are the player's child's teacher

friends to lovers

SMUT

The players you’ve enjoyed reading - 

Leon Goretzka

Antoine Griezmann

Roman Burki

Marco Rose

Ruben Dias

John Stones

Mason Mount

Joe Gomez

Trent Alexander Arnold

Virgil Van Dijk

Paulo Dybala

Kylian Mbappe

Jadon Sancho

Son Heung-min

Eric Dier

Who you’d like to see more on my blog in 2023 - 

Christian Eriksen

Erling Haaland 

Leon Goretzka

Rodrigo De Paul

Marcos Llorente 

Jan Oblak

Ruben Loftus-Cheek

Paulo Dybala

John Stones

Nicolò Zaniolo

Joe Gomez

Trent Alexander Arnold

Thiago Alcantara 

Kostas Tsimikas 

Antoine Griezmann

Roman Burki

Kylian Mbappe

Olvier Giroud

Federico Chiesa

Dusan Vlahovic

Son Heung-min

Mo Salah

The plot types you want to read more of in 2023 - 

The more popular options chosen so far are 

Friends to lovers

Baby daddy

Soft fluffy sex

I’ve missed you type sex

Kinktober / kink bingo type plots

Additional comments for what you’d like to read - 

Really want more CNC x2

Kinktober type ones with “hardcore” kinks

Ice play

Anal

prompt lists to choose from!

Anto angst

Fake/pretend relationship tropes

Enemies to lovers

Working in the same place

domestic au

What surprised you to enjoy that you didn't think you would? - 

CNC x 3

Kink bingo ideas 😳

public sex with Mason (paradise by the dashboard light)

single parent plot

shhhh series x2 (I’M CRYING OVER THIS. THANK YOU)

Ruben Dias stuff

baby daddy plots x 2 

[blackbeardsheartbreak]

OFMD may have actually saved me last year. I fell apart after the finale, absolutely fell to pieces. I hurt for Ed in an indescribably enormous way that took me a long time to understand.

One day I woke up and it clicked. It was the control and manipulation Izzy had over Ed’s self-worth and happiness. That Ed let someone have that power over him. That I’ve spent 40 years letting someone have that power over me.

My parent was telling me how I wasn’t a good parent or spouse because I had chosen a path that wasn’t monetarily profitable. That AuDHD made me unlovable. That of course I hate myself, because that was the only option. That there’s nothing special about reclaiming my indigenous language because what good is a language you can’t do business in. There’s nothing worthwhile about being one of a handful of people who are fluent in the language that was stolen from my great-grandparents. That my choices are hurting my children.

It was Izzy’s sneering smile that did it. That look of “I knew I could break you because I know how.” I know that look. But watching what it did to Ed, who did not deserve that but thought he did, that fucked me right up. Ed was easily the most relatable fictional character I’ve ever seen and if he didn’t deserve it then maybe, just maybe, I didn’t either.

Removing that parent from my life has been a nightmare. Once I got out they went after my siblings and my kids trying to hurt me. They took me to court for so much nonsense ‘just to prove to me that I needed them because I can’t afford lawyer fees’. They told me that. I was ready to give up and let myself be hurt if it would save everyone else. I’m lucky my family didn’t let me. They convinced me that this was worth fighting and that I didn’t deserve it.

Then season 2 happened. Watching Ed’s suicidal spiral, knowing how easily I could have ended up there again, how I had been there too many times before - it fucking hurt.

But then this fucking majestical show reached out and told me that the voice in my head that sounds like my parent is dead wrong. I’m loved and I’m pretty fucking lovable. There are plenty of people waiting for me.

Sometimes I watch Izzy’s death and scream at Ed for crying over him.

Sometimes I watch Izzy’s death and sob because I’ll never get that acknowledgement and apology.

Sometimes I skip Izzy’s death completely because I can’t stand to feel things about it. And because it’s fun to skip from slaughtering colonizers to a wedding.

But I’ve made a promise to myself to keep working on my mental health until I can smile as easily as Ed does at the end of season 2.

[psychoticcharacterbracket]

PSYCHOTIC CHARACTER SHOWDOWN

[ID: A tournament style bracket with pictures and names for 16 characters facing off in groups of 8. It’s:

Sam Winchester (Supernatural) vs Will Graham (Hannibal)

John Ward (Faith: The Unholy Trinity) vs Satoko Hojo (Higurashi: When They Cry)

Lenora Vulvokov (Russian Doll) vs Stefan Butler (Black Mirror: Bandersnatch)

Jonathan Sims (The Magnus Archives) vs Stede Bonnet (Our Flag Means Death)

Gregory House (House M.D.) vs Stanford Pines (Gravity Falls)

Senua (Hellblade) vs Doug Rattmann (Portal)

Nina Sayers (Black Swan) vs Joan of Arc (Real Life)

Jinx (Arcane) vs Harrowhark Nonagesimus (The Locked Tomb) END ID]

I haven’t seen a psychosis based bracket and wanted to see some of our favorites fight it out. Characters were chosen for psychosis as a symptom whether due to neurological issues, lack of sleep, trauma, schizophrenia or related disorders, or so forth. Most of these characters are canonically in some way psychotic so it’s not who is the most psychotic (which is why Ice King is not an option :() but who has the most psychotic swag.

And yes, before people accuse me of trivializing a horrible disorder, i’ve been diagnosed schizoaffective for 3 years now symptomatic for 4, hospitalized multiple times, etc.

Individual polls for round one coming out soon

[cadybear420]

Cadybear's Reviews- The Haunting of Braidwood Manor

Welcome to the second official Cadybear's Reviews post! Today I'll be talking about The Haunting of Braidwood Manor, which I have ranked on the "Gold Tier" at 8 stars out of a possible 10.

I’ve played this about 4 times. Mainly because I needed the diamonds and this one is 6 chapters, so it’s easy mining. Nevertheless, I quite enjoyed this one. 

The story was pretty linear, but it was interesting and compelling with memorable characters, and it works fairly well as creepy paranormal horror. And a few points do even make me want to cry. However, I do have two nitpicks. Like, how did MC make the connection between her brother’s death and Braidwood Manor? Unless I missed something even after playing the story 4 times, it felt very out-of-nowhere and unexplained. And how come Eleanor is the only one that can be brought back to life but not the rest of the Waverly siblings? That’s not fair at all. But for the most part, those are pretty minor issues. 

It’s also kinda neat that we have a story where the main LI is female while the male LI is sidelined. Actually, I wouldn’t even say Victor is sidelined– he’s straight up a total non-character. I mean, I’m not a fan of sidelining LIs at all, but considering how so many books have treated female LIs now, this one is at least a rare change of pace. And I say this as someone who is very wlm. And I say “wlm” and not “straight” because quite simply, I don’t think I’m really straight. And Eleanor Waverly is one of many female Choices characters who I can thank for helping me realize that. Seriously, it’s super adorable how she’s supposed to be this cold stoic ghost, but then gets really blushy and flustered when you flirt with her. 

Though, as much as I appreciate the sapphic ghost romance taking the full spotlight… this book is rather pointlessly genderlocked. And probably the first ever Choices book that I would deem as such*. I mean, all you’d really need to change is the dialogue in that one set of choice options when Clarissa asks for help writing her letter. 

In the canon version, Clarissa assumes you know how to write letters to guys, and you get an option to say you’re actually into girls, and then she says how she’s cool with it and she considers sapphism very sophisticated if you choose said option. For a playthrough where you’ve chosen a male MC, she could maybe assume that you’d know what guys like to hear from girls, you could get an option to say you’re actually into guys, and she’d say it’s very sophisticated if you choose said option. Easy as that.

And as far as I’m concerned, Eleanor is only canon sapphic and not lesbian (but do correct me if I’m wrong). THOBM, I am sad that you are the start of the pointless genderlocking trend /jk

*Technically ROE is the first Choices book I could consider pointlessly genderlocked, but I’m a little more uncertain on that because there’s a handful of scenes that would need tricky coding changes such as the bachelorette party/girls night scenes. Or even before that is TFS, but I’m also a bit dubious about calling it pointlessly genderlocked because Kaitlyn is a lesbian and has a whole arc revolving around her coming out about it to her parents– but people have said that aside from Kaitlyn, the story and MC are very gender neutral, so do with that what you will. There’s also LH, but I’ll say my thoughts on its genderlocking in its own review.

So it didn’t have anything that really wowed me, but it’s still a great story that holds a very special place in my heart.

[lady-assnali]

It’s the babiest Crygi yet, teacher au Crygi but their friendship is still pretty new. Walking home from the bar after a night out, Crystal finds out that Gigi does not like to walk when she drinks.

“Of course you live on the top floor.” Gigi whines, standing at the bottom of the fifth flight of stairs. Crystal, already halfway up the flight, stops where she is and stares down at her newest friend. The ginger is leaning heavily against the railing, eyes half-shut and posture gradually failing. She balances on some precariously high heels that Crystal isn’t sure how she managed to walk the few blocks to her apartment in, huffing.

           “I didn’t choose for the elevator to break down today, Geege. We could’ve gone to yours…”

           “Nope. You know I want my deadweight roommate evicted, I can’t let her meet you. She’s tried to be me for far too long. You’ll charm the pants right off of her and I can’t have that-you’re  mine, not hers.”

           Crystal’s stomach flips at the possessive, and it takes her a minute to regain her own awareness. It’s the liquor finally hitting them both, she decides, and Gigi had tried too hard to keep up with the girls to be completely cohesive. Besides, she’d spent the entire night on her arm making sure that everyone knew Crystal, the best person I’ve ever met, my best friend, which let her know where she really stood.

           Not that she wants anything else to happen. Gigi’s just someone she wants around all the time, someone she’s become an and with very quickly. That doesn’t mean anything. She could be considered an and with Daya, although that’s a very clearly drawn sisterhood.

She’d met Gigi, a stunningly beautiful fashion design major, in a college art history course where they’d sat together for two weeks. Crystal had thought she’d be a bitch. Gigi overwhelmed her with compliments on her pattern mixing and her hair and they’d been instant friends. Gigi had been a good study buddy-silly, yet wanting nothing more than to do well. They’d exchanged numbers and had gotten lunch together a few times a week. Then one morning Gigi had texted her in perfectly simple terms;

Just dropped out-am going to take an internship instead. I can do so much more there than in a classroom where they’re teaching us how to thread a machine.

That’s when Crystal learned about her determination.

They get to see each other a bit less now, Gigi’s internship and Crystal’s coursework causing a clash in schedules, but even without Gigi with her in class their friendship has only grown. Gigi still helps Crystal study. Crystal brings coffee to the studio when she’s having a rough day. They have sleepovers every Friday night at least, if not more.

Gigi holds her hand (and only her hand. Don’t touch me is a big part of her vocabulary, but never for Crystal.). Gigi sits next to her and leaves no room between them. Gigi has introduced her to every single one of her friends as her best friend. It all leaves Crystal a little breathless. It leaves the lines feeling a bit blurred.

           “Crys,” Gigi refuses to move, pouting. “I can’t do it, I just can’t. There’s so many stairs and there’s only one of me. How do you expect me to make it?”

           “One foot in front of the other!”

           “Please can you carry me?”

           Crystal narrows her eyes but makes her way down the staircase anyway, shaking her head. She’d chosen a sensible pair of platform boots for the night, a much sturdier option than the red-bottomed heels Gigi’s mother had gifted her after selling her first commissioned gown. She’d been so proud to wear them that there was no negotiation, even now.

           When she makes it to the landing Gigi spins her around, wrapping her arms around her and jumping onto her back. Crystal only falters slightly, stumbling and repositioning her hands on Gigi’s thighs to get a better grip. Once she’s adjusted, she stands at the bottom of the staircase and readies herself. From behind her Gigi sighs thankfully, dropping her head into the crook of Crystal’s neck.

           “That’s a lot of stairs.”

           “You’re lucky I love you. If I didn’t you’d be taking those shoes off and walking the rest of the way.”

           “I can’t take these off, ever. My mom got them for me! I miss her. Can we call her tonight?”

           “Maybe tomorrow would be a better idea. It’s late; I promise we can call her in the morning, maybe after we’ve both slept everything off.”

           “Will you do it with me? My mom loves you, she asks about you a lot. I talk about you a lot, though, so don’t let it get to your head.”

           “Well, your mom is my favorite Goode.”

           “Take that back!”

           “Or what” You’ll walk home?” Crystal snickers. Gigi jolts her thigh with the side of her foot gently.

           “Hey!”

           Crystal can only laugh harder, which in turn makes for a bumpy ride up the last two flights of stairs for Gigi. She even has to stop once, when she can’t catch her breath over Gigi’s petulant mumbling over why she should be Crystal’s favorite. The ginger slips off of her back and Crystal catches her just in time for them both to plop safely onto the landing of the ninth floor, staring at each other with wide, shell-shocked eyes before dissolving into a fit of laughter. The air between them is dizzying and warm, and for a moment they sit tangled in each other, comfortable and light. Gigi leans further into Crystal, their bodies pressed together from head to toe, and the older girl is suddenly shocked awake. She pats her hand on the ground, shifting away from Gigi and holding out her hands.

           “Come on, we only have one more flight to go. You still want me to carry you?”

           Gigi, flustered and wine-fogged, slides onto Crystal’s back without saying another word.

           When they finally make it to Crystal’s apartment Gigi finally takes off the shoes, shuffling over to the pantry and sliding them onto the floor before shutting the door behind her. When she turns, Crystal is standing behind her with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on her face.

           “What?”

“The pantry?”

“I’m not the one who decided to get a kitten. You know I love Tic Tac but can I really trust that cat with a new pair of shoes?”

           “Did you hear that? She doesn’t trust you.”

           “Don’t listen to her, you’re my favorite Methyd.” Gigi scoops up the kitten while Crystal watches, jaw dropped. She moves through the apartment with ease, carrying Tic Tac to the bathroom while Crystal pours them two glasses of water and turns off the lights, leaving them on the nightstands. She can hear Gigi’s baby talk from the bathroom as she changes, Tic Tac no doubt sitting dutifully on the counter while her best friend takes off her makeup and brushes her teeth. She emerges from the bathroom with the tiny kitten still cradled in her arms. She’s dressed in one of Crystal’s old t-shirts, baggy and short, with her hair in wild flames down her back. She climbs into her side of the bed.

“Drink that water,” Crystal orders. As she makes her way to the bathroom for her turn she can hear Gigi’s sleepy, silly voice mutter sarcastic yes ma’am.

When she returns, the glass is half-full and Gigi’s almost already asleep.

She turns off the last of the lights, snuggling into the slightly chilled blankets. Gigi immediately rolls over onto her side to face her, cheeks flushed and eyelids just beginning to droop.

“Thank you for climbing all those stairs for me. I adore you, Crystal Methyd. I’m really glad we met.”

“Me too.” It’s all she can manage to get out, and suddenly she’s wishing she’d had that one last shot before they’d left. Although sleepovers have become a common occurrence for them, she certainly feels a bit too lucid for this. Gigi shifts to close the distance between them, tangling their legs and resting her head on Crystal’s chest. She’s asleep before the older girl can remember how to breathe, Tic Tac purring happily between them. The kitten looks up at Crystal almost intuitively and she rolls her eyes.

“That’s enough out of you.” She scolds.

She falls asleep with her head on top of Gigi’s and her heart hammering in her chest,  a new mantra volleying with Gigi’s sleepy words.

I adore you, Crystal Methyd.

It’s nothing, we’re just friends.

[justicekiy]

Stressed 😤🤯🙄

I’m way too pretty

To be this stressed

Way too fine

To thread every dime

Together and

Just hope for the best

Nowadays these bills

Damn these bills

Bled everything out of me

I work so much

Just to get paid so little

No room to breathe

I’m in this cycle

Continuing to loop around

With no clear visual

Man I pray

sometimes

I crash

Or fall

Just to end it all

But I’ve seen the scene

Left over from my mother

Death can’t be option

For someone who fought

Longer than any other

Stressed

Can you believe it ?

At the age of 27

I’m thinking about

Retirement early

My bones crack enough

Already and my heart

Isn’t sturdy

And if I hear

It’ll get better one more time

I might actually scream

I’m sorry

Have you lived in

A recession

Global warming and

Toxic communities

All into one thing?

I mean

What is there

Truly

To live for?

To find joy in your walk

Is that something hard to give?

Or….. ?

And what about time ?

People say there’s a enough of it

But weeks roll into months

And my depression moves in

Like I’m stuck with it

Now don’t get me wrong

I’m not at my lowest

And this may sound like

A cry for help

But I promise you

It’s just a poem

Of what I’ve chosen

When I decided to

Burn all the bridges

Of people who crossed me

I knew starting over

Would be a little testy

But damn

Universe really?

The outcome

Better be

Fucking magnetic

Better be

The character building

Someone needed

To turn their tears

Into confetti

There’s so much

Stress only

One person can take

But if anyone listening

I hope you know

This is solidarity

To make it known

You only have one life

So please

Don’t cheat fate