#i’ve been very tired & working quite a bit which has caused me to be a bit drained T^T

[satorisoup]

hi friends !! ^_^ i’ll be on a hiatus until further notice <3 i’m sending all of you the bestest of wishes !! until i’m back, please take great care of yourselves !! MWUUUAH !! 🍓

original pinned linkiedink ! 🍨

[euthymiya]

how to tame a fox — kamisato ayato

somehow, you manage to catch the menace that’s been nibbling away at the plants in your garden—it’s not exactly what you’d expect, however. and the culprit is determined to stick close to you, too

before you read: fem reader ; fox hybrid ayato ; sly and playful ayato and tired and grumpy reader ; banter ; reader as a garden ; reader sprays ayato with a hose

notes: ari and risu said he’d be a fox hybrid and i think they’re very right

Something has been eating at your garden—something cunning and clever. Your berries have dwindled, your vegetables are harvested before you have the chance, and your carefully kept little plants are a mess.

You think it’s bunnies at first, but bunnies are not smart enough to skillfully work around the netting you’ve set around each plant to keep them safe from trespassing paws.

Which begs the question—just what is so conniving enough to be so good at getting to your garden, and how on earth are you going to catch it?

You don’t have to ponder on the question for too long.

It’s dark when you open your door to wander into your backyard—the moon is full, and you’d like to appreciate the sky and the stars for a bit from the comfort of your own yard.

Until you notice the pair of eyes staring back at you, that is. You let out a piercing shriek, grabbing the first thing you can get a hold of. (It’s a hose—the same hose you use to water the plants that keep getting eaten against your wishes.)

“What in the gods names—” you gasp, jumping back as the creature—no, man flinches at your presence. “Who are you?” You hold up the hose like a threat, and his nose wrinkles in amusement.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” The man rises from where he’s knelt, and you notice the strawberries he’s picked, held in his hand.

And then you realize he’s not just a man—no, there’s two pairs of long, fluffy ears over his head and a bushy tail that waves around behind him. His eyes gleam with a sort of mischief you don’t like.

“What am I doing in my garden?” You ask incredulously, “the better question is what are you doing with my strawberries? Don’t you see the nets I’ve covered them with to keep animals away?”

“I’m not an animal,” he gasps offended, “and yes, these nets have caused quite the troublesome experience for me. My tail gets caught in them often.”

You spray him belligerently, earning a surprised grunt from him as he jumps back at the impact of the water, dropping the berries he’s collected.

“How dare you harvest my vegetables?” You ask in disbelief, “I’ve been trying to keep you away for weeks.”

“Hey,” he cries, “cut that out! I don’t appreciate my fur getting wet, you awful woman!”

“Awful?” You parrot, offended. “How am I awful when you’re the one eating my garden?”

“You have plenty of things,” he huffs as you finally stop spraying him, shaking the water out of his ears as he grumpily eyes his tail. “Sharing is a wonderful virtue to have, you know. Especially for poor, cold, young men like me.”

“You’re nothing but a scoundrel,” you correct, hands on your hips. “Now shoo! Off my property before I call someone to make you leave. And don’t let me catch you here again!”

You spray him one last time for good measure before turning to enter your home when you feel a presence behind you, making you whip around to see what it is. Sure enough, the tall, slender man with an awfully troublesome glint in his eyes is face to face with you, his ears twitching excitedly as he leans in to get a better look at your face.

You get a much better look at him now—pale blue hair and deep purple eyes, a small mole below the left corner of his lip, and, the most noticeable detail, his pale blue ears that are drenched with wet fur. He’s handsome, in an annoying sort of way.

You almost—almost—itch to scratch at his ears, but logic and reason tell you this is the same man who’s been stealing from your garden. Your hard earned plants that you cared for delicately and diligently. And he’s enjoyed the fruits of your labor without so much as a care.

You watch as his tail waves behind him, bushy and thick even with wet fur.

“It’s awfully cold out here tonight,” he murmurs with a pouty look, “and you’ve drenched my poor fur, too.”

“It’ll dry,” you say blandly.

He pouts further, tilting his head as he argues, “not before the cold air gets me sick and shivering. Perhaps I could spend the night in your warm home—”

“Absolutely not,” you cut him off, furiously planting your hands on your hips as you glare at him, “what makes you think I’ll be letting the very person who’s stolen from me into my home?”

“Stolen is a very harsh word,” he gasps, hand over his chest as though the accusation shocks him—maybe even mildly offends him. “I was borrowing the goods you’ll grow back eventually.”

“The season is almost over!” You says frustratedly.

“There’s always next year,” he hums, “it’s good to help those in need, you know.”

“I don’t even know you,” you try again, pursing your lips as you grow tired of the back and forth.

“I’m Ayato,” he beams. He seems almost proud of his problem solving skills. “There, now you do.”

“You don’t need me to help you,” your patience is wearing thin, and faintly, you realize he’s right. It is cold. You’d like to get inside as quickly as possible and warm up the prickling goosebumps along your skin. “You’ve made it this far just fine. Evidently.”

“But I have no one, you see,” he sniffles petulantly, “my parents have long passed and I’m just lonely and on my own. Nowhere to go,” he leans closer, pout deepening as he bats his lashes.

And, well…he’s sort of cute. Far too old to use the parent excuse, you want to scoff, but it’s a cute effort all the same. You realize he’s not going to leave you alone, either, so it’s best just to let him in for the night and promptly escort him off your premises in the morning.

Yes, that’s right, you think resolutely, this will only be until the morning.

“You can stay for the night and only just the night—”

“Marvelous!” He brightens, cutting you off. You realize a little too late you might making a huge mistake when he swiftly moves past you, walking through the door of your home and inviting himself in before you can properly allow him permission.

Sly as a fox, you think agitatedly. You should have realized that much from the get go.

When you walk into your home, he’s already looking around, touching this and that, humming in approval and disapproval as though he’s in any place to judge the arrangements of your home.

“Hm, yes, very nice,” he says dryly, eyeing your interior. Your eyes twitches. “I suppose it shall do.”

“I’m sure it’s infinitely better than the outdoors,” you scowl, “I would count my blessings, if I were you. And don’t get used to it—you’ll be leaving in the morning.”

He grins smoothly—like he knows something you don’t, like there’s mischief already brewing in that quick-thinking little brain of his.

“Won’t you be a dear and dry my fur?” He saunters back over to you, grabbing your hand and pulling it to his ears to guide your hand along the dampness of his coat. You gasp at the gesture slightly, stiffening under his touch as he pouts. “I hate wet fur, you know.”

“Surely, you can use a towel and dryer yourself,” you deadpan. “I’ll grab them for you—”

“Oh, but I wouldn’t want to break anything,” he insists. “Perhaps you should just do it for me.”

Well, his cunning little scheme is at least abundantly obvious this time, you think. So he craves a little affection, someone to handle the matter of grooming his fur for him. It’s a bit troublesome, but you suppose you can let it slide if it gets him to be quiet and leave you alone for the night.

“Fine,” you concede, sighing tiredly as he perks up at your response.

He follows you, silent, but evidently pleased as you gather a dry towel and the blow dryer before settling on the edge of hour bed.

To your surprise, he settles on the floor, tucking himself against your leg as his cheek rests on your thigh. You blink down at him.

“Go on then,” he hums, “I do like when it when I’m scratched behind my ears. And make sure you use the warmest setting there is, I don’t like the cold. And don’t hold it too close to my ears—I’m a bit sensitive to sound, you see.”

“Are you usually this demanding with all the people you steal from?” You snap, raising an unimpressed brow.

He grins, nuzzling against your thigh before he gives you a sweet, innocent look as he murmurs, “only the ones who keep me in their homes.”

Something tells you he’s not going anywhere, and something tells you that when morning comes, he’ll have yet another scheme to stay indoors—just like a sly, conniving fox would manage to. Oddly enough, when your fingers gently brush through the fur as you dry the dampness away with the warm air of the dryer, the way he nuzzles closer grows on you. Just a little.

You’ll still find a way to get him to leave you alone eventually—and your garden, too. Until then, though, perhaps you can allow yourself to scratch behind his ears just a few times.

Foxes are nocturnal so you know that was about to be a longgggg night

[sukioyakio]

His little Stress Relief

genre: fluff just fluff,(the title doesn’t sound fluffy to me,it probably the amount of amount of smut I read 🤷‍♀️😔🤪💖 Will have some bit of angst

SUMMARY: Sometimes your 6’9 foot tall man can be an little bit clingy at times.

Author note: “I just love me an big Buffy guy being such an clingy and cuddly guy towards their girlfriend (I’m not forgetting about my guys here)anyway I’ve been changing the way how my intro a lot 😭😔🤪.”

ANYway hope you like it.

It was an very busy stressful week for Miguel,everything and everyone was annoying him.The entire spider society was just so stressful to deal with,and when he didn’t have to deal a lot,those stuipd anomaly kept popping up,left and right.

But knowing miguel,he deals with it pushing his body to the limit.He will protect the spider society no matter what,But that doesn’t make him tried and exhausted from working,fighting,yelling at people who get on his skin.The achy scars and bruises on his skin were an pain to deal with.And right now He was in his office or bat cave whatever people says,he was standing on his platform with holograms around.Grumbling about to Lyla to tell some of the spiders that they have an mission to do,and him typing out the information about these anomalies.

peter b Parker who was walking with Jessica drew,they were coming back from their mission,and were going towards to Miguel little bat cave.

“Ughhh,it’s been such a busy week” Peter says in a tired voice,as he stretches his back and his shoulders.

“Oh c’mon now,at least your not the one who has to collect all the mission reports”Jessica says with an annoyed look on her face,sighing at the work that she will have to do later.As she rubs her swollen stomach walking towards Miguel office.

Peter just let out an amused scoff out,as they were walking down the hallway towards the BIG BOSS.

“Don’t you think Miguel would let us slack off for a day!! I haven’t seen my lovely wife and daughter”peter says with a whiny voice,as he made a loud dramatic sigh.

Jessica sigh with a playful smirk on her lips. “Aye man at least after this,we can take a long ass break,cuz my ass need it”She says with a sarcasm,as she let out a chuckle.

Peter suddenly remembered how much Miguel calmed down he was after his wife when Peter asked her if she could come over to talked (helped) him out with Miguel.In which peter had that dorky grin that only means that he had another wonderful idea.

In which Jess turned to look at peter face and saw that grin which in her mind means “he gonna get his ass kick again”,but right before she could say anything to Peter.

“Gotta go bye for now— I’ll be back!” As he zapped off to where Miguel’s wife was.

“DONT do!!— something that will get your ass in the hospital” Jess says in an loud tone but soon lower as she get more closer to Miguel office,she always says that his office is so far away,she rolls her eyes to the back of her head,and letting an scoff out her lips.

She enters Miguel man cave,her heavy but professional steps could be heard from the man who was standing up on his little platform,As she walks in an steady pace and was finally met with Miguel batman era.She stands an few steps ahead but wasn’t quite at the edge of the cliff.She looks up at Miguel,with her one of her hands on her hips and the other one was rubbing her pregnant stomach.

“Ahem” She says loud enough for him to put down his attention from all the work he was doing and putting himself through.Miguel eyes have this dark circles under his eyes,you can tell that this men take his dedication and time for all he does for.But there time where all he takes is to come home to his lovely wife,who his stress reliever.But he does this so people doesn’t have the same fate as him or try to do what he did,nor to do anything that would cause them any harm.

He turned his head towards Jessica,looking down at her,with a sternly expression on his face.He clicked something on his watch to make the platform start moving down towards the ground,very . . . Slowly. very slowly.Jessica wasn’t bothered by it at all,it just meant that she had a time to herself to calm down and free her mind from work.

And in which off letting the platform on the ground nope,he just kept it fairway there,and so he looked at Jess with a sternly and serious expression,and that instantly imitating persona he had.

“Bueno, ¿cómo fue la misión?,and where the hell is Peter”Miguel says in an seriously voice,as one of his eyes brow raises up in question of where would that idiot of the worlds most talkative person you would ever meet,would be possibly be.As he stares at Jess for an good minute before letting out an annoyed sigh,pinching the bridge of his very strong nose,grunting at how much of an goof ball peter is.

“Well I came here to say that the mission was a success,but the part with Peter,better watch out for him and don’t kill him we need him” she says with an playful laugh as she walks out the door with an open smile on her face.

To which Miguel rolls his eyes to back of his head,and went back to work and there he was back working in his bat cave.Calling Layla to inform him about any updates about the anomaly’s,and to inform the other spider in the spider society.Some times layla would be annoying (an tease) to him.But after an hour or so,(peter was having difficulty finding which house is Miguel house) Peter finally came with you into Miguel office,with his cheeky techniques.

Miguel didn’t even get a chance to react to when Peter opened the portal onto his platform.

“Hello!!Big Boss” peter say with a cheerful voice,having a bright smile on his lips.”Look who I brought with him”he says with a warm smile.

The moment he turned around he saw you,with Peter.Holding a worry smile on your face.While peter was standing there with a cheeky expression,Miguel let out an annoyed sigh towards peter.He face was turning more angry then before,his eyes turning the color red.

“¡¡Por qué carajo!!Did you bring my wife here WITHOUT MY DAWN MALDITO permission!” He says with a raging voice,practically shaking the ground,easily making peter gulped down his own saliva.”im soooooooooo getting my ass in an hospital bed” peter said in his head of thoughts.

But luck was on his side for now. . .

“Peter go back doing work I’ll have a little chat with my husband”you said softly as ever to him,with a calmly smile.Giving him a look that gesture for him to leave.In which he did,He left with an awkward chuckle,and he gone.

Now you and Miguel were now alone in his big bat cave.Miguel aromatically regretted for having you see him get angry at his co worker.He hated for you to see him anger,he was insecure about how you felt about him.You words were the light of joy to his ears,but your words could be the ones that made him feel trapped.If he ever told you that he’ll be so vulnerable towards you his wife.Your the thing,the love,the drug,the crave,the addiction that he would never get over.

He was probably over thinking for a while,that he woke up from your reassuring touch.Pulling him to the ground so he could lay down on your thighs.He would do anything for you.

“Until death due us apart”

Now you both are on the floor on Miguel floating platform in silence;comforting silence.

You were sitting upright while patting,scratching, rubbing your hands against Miguel scalp.He looks like a little boy who only wanted to be next to his mama.After a few more minutes of the comfortable silence.You knew that he was very insecure about himself,especially after getting married and even before getting married,when you two were boyfriend and girlfriend,you knew he had some insecurities.

“Miguel I love you . .” You says with a calmly voice,calming him down.

Signal him to talk about what happened during this week

He instantly opened up about what happened at work,and all the exhaustion he endured,and the BS he gotten this week,basically vented about how much work and Be an hero was like a curse and an blessing.

He had that Grumpy Pouty on his beautiful lips,he just an enough of laying on the floor-ahem platform,and So he pulls you down on the floor,as he lays comfortably on tops of you.

You let out a light headed chuckles,He was your big scary,intimidating husband who can break any guys bones,but right now he’s acting very clingy with you.

You let him know that your love him so much,that seeing him like this pains you slowly but deeply in your heart.He was laying on top of your chest,in between of your breast.Letting him melt all his problems away.

“I’m sorry. . .no lady should have to seen what had happened with my co worker” he says with his eyes closed not wanting to be seen vulnerable.

As he continues to mumble apologies,to the point that he says like a whiny child.You couldn’t help but laugh at him being a whiny cringy child.

“What so funny about me apologizing,mhmm cariño”he said to you as he raised his head to look at your eyes. Seeing you laugh,seeing you felt like the world was pause,his body felt so calm.

“Ha-ha,your are my clingy hobby.You could be one whiny old man.” You said with a playfully voice,as you felt him lift your body put you into his laps.You couldn’t help but smile at him.

“I’m not an old man,nor a whiny kid.Im literally just 3 years older then you” Miguel says with a whiny voice,as he rolls his eyes.

You know he love it.You already know that he’s ok,that he is no more tense.

“I still love you gramps” you said as you leaned towards his face to give him a passionate kiss,which he accepted.Love was felt through your body.

as you both end the kiss,leaning on each other forehead.

“I love you” you said softly with a warm smile.

“Yo también” he says softly with a warm smile.

THE END

I hope y’all like it,and I probably suck explaining the positions of them but IM trying 😄 anyway I hope y’all enjoy it,but I low key think I put so much fluff here

THE QOUTE OF THE DAY: by an friend

“THE day can be boring when nothing eventful happens”

✌️

[elf-osamu]

“WOW, I REALLY CAN’T SPEAK, HUH? MUST BE BECAUSE OF HOW PRETTY YOU LOOK”

[ masterlist ] [ event ] [ reblogs are v v v appreciated ]

fluff, romantic relationship, lucifer, mammon, barbatos x gn!reader

warning(s) : mammon’s one is kinda sad at first ?? mostly bc he’s overthinking things ☹️ probably he’s a bit ooc but idc he’s gorgeous regardless (let’s say you two are at the start of your relationship in this one-shot).

words count : 2587 words

request: “howdy may i rq an obey me scenario with this prompt —> “wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look.” gn! mc says it ! would like it to be with lucifer, mammon and barbatos. maybe something like them rambling and asking if mc is listening and they drop that line ^ thank youu”

a/n : AA FINALLY AN OBEY ME REQUEST 🫶🏻 i love those characters with all of my heart, aND THIS PROMPT IS SO GOOD, it’s one of my favorites !! thank you for requesting btw <33 and i apologize for the long wait :( i had no time to write between school and personal matters. anyway, just so you know, lucifer’s and mammon’s ones are soooo long while barbato’s is auite short, i kinda rushed it because i felt bad since i’ve been neglecting requests lately 😭😭 (yeah this is the second time i’m posting this)

LUCIFER :

as the student council vice president, lucifer is well known among the royal academy of diavolo’s demons and angels: although being a composed individual most of the time, he has also an intimidating and almost cruel side to him because of his status, hence why many demons fear him. his fierce, self-assured demeanour is somewhat entrancing, capturing everyone’s gaze in an unbreakable trance, plus his aura of pride is something inevitable in everyday life.

this is not to mention his complicated past and the authority he possesses thanks to lord diavolo, which — according to many demons and a few angels — give more might to his persona.

although sometimes you were the main cause of many troubles in the past, now you can consider yourself quite privileged to be in his good graces. as his partner you have access to a vulnerable part of him that not everyone has a chance to see, where his pride comes off and his insecurities and annoyances emerge, and you can afford to be bold with him.

this very day, he is complaining about a bunch of ‘inferior’ demons who have caused a rather bothersome fuss during curses and hexes class, knocking out a student, giving a headache to your beloved: lucifer knows perfectly well how to put someone in their place, even forcefully if necessary, however it doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel pressured and tired after doing his duty.

the stress derived from all of his responsibilities, and from the piles of paperwork stubbornly sitting on his desk nearly every day, highly increases over time.

now the two of you are in his study, lucifer is rereading the report about today’s incident he just finished to write while you intently watch him work, helping him here and there. frowing in displeasure, he keeps changing a few sentences, wondering how the hell he’s going to survive this afternoon.

however, you can’t help but admire his handsome features: his black eyes shine with a reddish light, they are a little jaded but also alive; his rosy lips form a straight line, emphasizing his concentration, but no less beautiful; his cheeks are covered with a slight sheen of blush, probably due to his weariness; what to say, his demonic beauty is undoubtedly striking.

being too busy with your thoughts, you don’t realize he’s trying to get your attention to what he has been saying for the past few minutes.

“[name], are you listening to me?” he asks, lips slightly parted at your silence.

it’s almost funny, the fact that he completely ignores the reason of your quietness.

“[name].” at this point, lucifer’s voice is filled more with worry than irritation. why aren’t you responding to him? is something the matter?

as he’s about to ask another question, you snap back to reality, slowly turning to your senses.

you try to say something to seem completely nonchalant, but your voice — hoarse from nervousness — betrays you, and you can’t help but observe again your partner, who is frowing even more than before. if that’s possible.

you sigh, in defeat with yourself, and a genuine grin makes its way onto your face. “wow, i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look”.

at first, he doesn’t really process those words.

although his gaze is fixed on your figure, his mind is fuzzy from all the work he’s currently doing, almost as if he were in a dream-like state, not at all focused on the present world. there’s silence for a few seconds in the room you two are in, and you’re asking yourself if you need to bring lucifer back to reality. but when you’re about to talk to him, you shift slightly on your sit, and his brain registers the movement.

so, suddenly, realization hits him. perhaps, too suddenly.

if it weren’t for his majestic pride, he’d cover his face, now completely red — but, doing so would be admitting his confused (but contented) mood derived from the sound of your words, which is inadmissible to him. so, all he can do is pretend that he’s not impressed by what you have said, even if his body is betraying him: in addition to the blush on his face and neck, his eyes are filled with astonishment and his lips, slightly parted again, form a small circle, defining his astonishment.

finally, he glares at you — taking back a part of his self-control — and seems to be lost in thought, probably wondering how he should face the situation without feeling too embarrassed; you can almost see the gears of his brain working wildly, desperately trying to find a simple solution.

and then, his eyes sparkle.

never underestimate a demon, especially if it’s lucifer. have you flustered him? well, be prepared, because he’ll pay you back in the same coin.

he adjusts himself on his scarlet armchair, which highlights his shimmering eyes, and leans towards you, over his desk. you can tell by his look that, if you let him speak, his words will be the death of you. and there’s no way you’ll allow it.

“too bad i need to be in another a class in, like, five minutes,” you blatantly lie, checking your wristwatch, and getting up. you lean just a little to give lucifer a quick peck on the lips. “well, see you later, pretty boy”, you wink at him and leave the room in a hurry, without giving him enough time to process what has happened.

yet again, he’s stunned by how you’ve called him.

the avatar of pride may be confident and assertive, but his heart can only flutter when someone is genuinely complimenting him. especially if it’s you.

MAMMON :

“… and so he blamed me! me, do ya understand? he, without hesitation, cursed the great mammon in front of the whole class! what an outrageous thing to do, don’t ya think!?”.

one interesting thing about the avatar of greed is that, despite his attempts to play it cool, he’s not confident about himself. thinking about it, it can’t but make sense: he’s driven by his multiple desires — money, for example — and craves them every time there’s a minimal absence of those, including external approval; he needs to be seen and accepted by everyone.

admitting it out loud would probably never be an option, considering his stubborn nature, but mammon would do anything to make you smile or laugh at his jokes — anything. he wants to be worthy of your attention — because in his mind he’s not deserving of love, particularly yours. of course, if you asked him something about this matter, he’d say the opposite — he’s everything but good at communicating his needs.

getting to know the demon hasn’t been an easy task, but with time you’ve managed to discover that there’s a soft side to him — a kind, warm heart behind his usual carefree mask.

despite all these thoughts spinning in your head, in this moment you are still fascinated by mammon’s temper and gestures: his hands, shaken, are moving quickly in the air, a slight pout is adorning his face, and his eyes are glimmering in bitter frustration — the sky of the devildom is reaching his darkest shade of colour while he looks vigorous yet ethereal.

“… handsome”, you murmur, as if talking to yourself.

mammon suddenly stops in his tracks, a slight embarassed expression appearing on his face.

“oh? what did ya say?” he asks, confused yet hopeful, thinking that maybe he has misheard you — because how could someone like you view him as nothing but that? sure, you’re his partner, however the fear of not being seen and loved for who he really is… is always present.

you sigh and wrap your arms around his waist, resting your head on his shoulder. “wow, i really can’t speak, huh? ah, must be because of how pretty you look…”.

the noises of the night fill the atmosphere between you two in this moment; mammon’s brain has stopped working and, honestly, you can’t blame him: saying that he’s taken aback by your remark would be a great understatement to describe the current situation.

the avatar of greed is feeling so many emotions in so little time — his heart is pounding stronger than ever, you can almost hear its soft sound, and a reassurance which he has never felt so intensely is hugging his chest. these sensations are something he would gladly immerse himself into, a new type of greed to add to his long and interminable list, a new need.

unfortunately, the clock is ticking and mammon doesn’t want you to see his true self, not in a moment so embarassing for him, not like this — though he would love to indulge in this sweet pleasure for a while longer.

“you— human! what are ya thinking, speaking like that to your first demon? ya sure are bold! i’ll close one eye for this time, so consider yourself lucky tonight, because the great mammon won’t be so gentle in the future!”

a quick laugh escapes from your lips and, before he can question it, you grab his jaw with one of your hands, so his eyes can only be directed towards you.

“mammon, sweetheart, drop the act. you are making a fool of yourself and, although you’d be so entertaining to watch right now, you need to realise that i love you, truly.”, your gaze softens and you smile at him, making his heart melt. “it’s okay to not understand why you are cared about — but i want you to know that you are important to me, so, so fcking much. we’re in this together — aren’t we? then, will you allow me to show why and how i’m going to love and take care of you, mh?”.

mammon remains still as you finish your speech; his unsteady breath, however, betrays him.

“[name], i… thank you”, he says, unsure on how to continue his response.

“talk your feelings out, if you feel like it. i’m not a judge here,” you reassure him.

his gaze shifts for a moment, symbolising his indecision, but then it returns to yours. “i’m… i am glad to have ya in my life, [name]. but, well, i suppose i have one request to make”.

your smile turns suddenly into a smirk, finally happy to see your boyfriend taking courage to express his feelings.

“yes, dear?”.

“be greedy with me,” he pauses, slowly breathing in and out to not mess up his next words. “indulge in my sin whenever you can, day by day, and don’t leave anything behind. spare nothing, let the greed take control over you, like i’ll do with you from now on”.

“oh now, now, who is the bold one?” you murmur, getting closer to him. “you’re extremely covetous, mammon, and this is one of the many things which i appreciate about you. i already made a pact with you, so i don’t see a problem with your request. i accept it”, and you kiss him, as if you’re sealing the deal.

who would have thought that one of the greatest demons of all the realms could feel such things for a human?

BARBATOS :

despite being barbatos’s partner, it’s not quite often that you’re invited over lord diavolo’s castle to spend time with two of the most powerful demons in the devildom. the reason why is actually pretty simple: your lover’s life is full of events to attend and favors to give. his presence is requested by every kind of beings, alongside his trusted services to the devildom’s prince, resulting in little to no space left for your meetings. the same can be said for you, since your school life isn’t exactly giving you energy to talk to him either — so you could say you two are fair.

this evening is different from the usual, since you were invited for dinner — a rare, but pleasant occasion to find yourself in. the one who has arranged it all is, nevertheless, lord diavolo himself: though he often acts oblivious of his requests, he has a keen eye for his butler’s mental state — so it would have been only a matter of time before he found out about barbatos’ single desire to relieve his stress… you.

using the “celebration” of your school achievements as an excuse, diavolo set up these hours in his magnificent mansion just for the two of you — saying that he’s attended elsewhere and oh so unfortunately he won’t be able to remain with you even for a while longer.

this is the premise of the current moment — you are quite literally squeezing your boyfriend, hugging him from behind, while he prepares his nightly skincare routine. he’s looking at himself in the mirror, dark green eyes are inspecting his state: his hands are on both sides of the sink, slightly supporting his robust and elegant figure; his torso is covered by a black tank top — something you’d rarely have the chance to see, considering barbatos’ extreme care for a professional appearance; his cold but soft skin seems bright, almost shining, under the tender lamp’s light.

his lips are smartly moving, giving life to his thoughts, however you are too focused on him to pay attention to his words.

“[name]?”

the sudden call of your name wakes you up, but only for a second.

“mh?”

his eyes meet yours in the mirror. “are you listening to me?”.

“mmh mh”, you nod, not registering his question at all, and continue to admire him in silence.

obviously, he’s completely aware of it — after all, he’s the demon who can see through both the past and future.

with a swift movement of his body, he turns to face you, making you cling to his waist.

with his right hand, he gently holds your chin between his fingers. “would you like, my love, to share your thoughts on the matter? you seem rather unfocused tonight, wouldn’t you agree?”.

you swallow, waiting for your confidence to come back. then, you try to give back the same energy of his — since you wouldn’t like to lose to his antics, not again.

“damn, i really can’t speak right now, huh? must be because of how pretty you look, barbatos. it’s actually not fair”.

although you don’t look nearly as self-assured as him, you regain a bit of your control when you notice a hint of hesitation and bewilderment on his face.

he scoffs, looking away from your eyes — and doing so makes it evident that his ears are bright red. you catch the opportunity right away, moving his hair away from the sensitive skin.

“ah! if only the others saw you, the formidable barbatos, right now! you wouldn’t be feared so much,” you teasingly comment, preparing for his next move.

“i wouldn’t be so daring if i were in your place, [name]”, barbatos remarks jokingly — but you can never be so sure when it comes to him: as proof you have his piercing gaze fixated on your face, which conveys a message that you couldn’t otherwise pick up.

“well- i guess i’ll make it up tomorrow! aren’t you tired? it’s been an exhausting day — let’s watch a movie!” you suddenly suggest, not resisting to his towering yet fascinating aura.

he sighs as you quickly evade from his arms, though he’s suppressing a smile.

barbatos supposes he can let one person to make fun of him.

[ do not copy, translate, repost, etc. | by @ elf-osamu ]

[tomatoteddy]

✨ Fancuries For Your Consideration Post!! ✨

Hi hi!! This’ll be my first ever Fancurie I’ll be participating in, and I’m so excited for you all to see my Precure ocs! I’ve been working on some of them in secret silently working on their designs, so I hope y’all like them!! Without further ado, let me show you my current Fancure groups!

🕣 TICK TOCK Time Travel Pretty Cure 🕣

Themes: Time travel, history

A group of evil time travelers are trying to manipulate history and steal the coveted Time Jewels to awaken an evil king! The Ethereal Goddess sends one of her precious fairies, Albus to head to Earth to find the Legendary Pretty Cure, the only people with the powers to stop them.

Back on Earth, two college students both studying history, Bria Ethans and Gail Sharpe become rivals, due to rhwir clashing personalities and their hatred towards eachother. Unfortunately for them, not only are they roommates with eachother, they’ve also been chosen to be the new Pretty Cure, meaning they’ll have to be forced to work together. Great….

TICKTOCK Time Travel is a fanseries combining my love for history and magical girls! Not only does it involve some time travelling and learning shenanigans, it has a rivals to lovers story with Bria and Gail! Albus is also my little scrunkly EEEEEEEE

Cure Tempora | Bria Ethans is an energetic and excited young woman, though she's reckless and a bit proud at times. She is loud, brash and extroverted. She tends to act before she thinks, leading her and Gail into trouble. She’s studying to become an archaeologist as she has always dreamed of becoming as a child.

Cure Memoria | Gail Sharpe is a quiet and intelligent young woman, who's also quite cold at times. Gail is introverted, cold and calculating. She’s the brains of the two, but can be blunt at times and can come off as rude, which causes friction between her and Bria. She’s from a rich family that expects highly of her, expecting her to become a lawyer.

Albus is is a rabbit-like Time Fairy from the Ethereal Realm, and is Gail and Bria's fairy guide. A very nerdy and sweet young boy, Albus is responsible and hardworking but can come off as naive somtimes. He has the best intentions in mind, always trying to get Bria and Gail to work together. Though he can't help but be exhausted and tired by their bickering.

☁️ DREAMCATCHERS!! Pretty Cure ☁️

Themes: Dreams (both aspirations and sleep kinds), childhood, reconnecting with your inner child

After years of being trapped behind a barrier, the Nightmare Realm are threatening to escape and take over not only the Dream Realm, but the entirety of the universe. The King and Queen of the Dream Realm gave the Revêur Jewels to their daughter, Princess Celestia and sent her to Earth in a hopes that she’ll find the Legendary Pretty Cure that’ll save them. Celestia, disguising herself as a European foreign exchange student lands in Japan on a quest to find the Pretty Cure, to not only save the universe but prove herself to her parents that she is worthy to be the next Queen.

She thinks this job will be easy when she finds out her potential candidates for Pretty Cure were all childhood best friends. But she soon realises that they had all drifted apart after elementary, and don’t plan on reconnecting. So now Celestia is on a quest to save her Kingdom, and save the Pretty Cures friendship! Won’t be too hard, right??

DREAMCATCHERS!! was actually one of my first ever Pretty Cure fanseries, made back in 2019 and formerly known as Dream Big!! I decided to revamp it a bit and change a bit of the story and cast (Fun Fact: Celestia was originally the midseason cure in the original version!) I currently only have their designs in this chibi/sketch-esque form, I’ll try to give them proper refs later!

Celestia Mercier | Cure Fantasy is the leader of the team, as well as the princess of the Dream Kingdom. An optimistic, kind, and hardworking girl, who is the soon to be ruler of the Dream Kingdom. She dedicates herself to being as best of a ruler she could be. She is responsible and reliable, but she can be idealistic to a fault.

Yume Yasuda | Cure Nostalgia is the responsible, cold and intelligent class representative. Yume has earned a reputation for being mature despite her young age. She believes in facts and logic only, and takes her responsibilities seriously, yet comes off as insensitive or disconnected from her peers.

Sora Kayako | Cure Wish is the lead player of the school’s soccer team, known for her hotheadedness, stubbornness and short temper. She has a streak of easily getting mad at people and being rude. Despite this all, she's driven by a fierce determination to succeed.

Hinako Tachibana | Cure Child is a shy and gentle girl who aspires to become a baker. She has a heart of gold, being kind and generous, always striving to please others. However, her tendency to strive for perfection often leaves her feeling self-critical about herself.

Kasumi Tachibana | Cure Lullaby is a confident, passionate and determined young lady. Kasumi is one of the most popular girls at school, mostly due to her family’s wealth and her natural beauty. She tends to be stubborn though, and often mocks and judges those she believes to be below her.

[ineffable-sideburns]

Okay, so I’ve seen a few comments about how it took Gabriel and Beelzebub only 4 years to choose their own sides but 6,000 years after the garden wall where Aziraphale lied to God, he’s somehow still right where he started when it comes to breaking out of the terrible institution he’s a part of (I disagree there but that’s a different conversation and I just wanted to focus on Gabriel and Beelzebub for a second.) This is half baked and I’m not looking to prove anyone wrong because I don’t think anyone is necessarily wrong. It just got me thinking and I thought this context might be important as to why it was so “easy” for Gabriel and Beelzebub.

First of all, I think that Gabriel (and likely Beelzebub) are different from Aziraphale in a few ways, so imo it’s hard to directly compare their journeys. Gabriel in particular, doesn’t really think about things too deeply. His thought process after Armageddon’t was (reductively): what the fuck am I going to do now > oh hi beelzebub you’re tired of your job too? > okay I like the fly demon now they gave me a gift no one has done that > I’m just gonna tell my people “no Armageddon sequel” > now I’m on trial and I’m ready to be sent to hell, see ya soon babe! 🫶 > oh fuck he’s not going to send me to hell 🙄 > time to get naked and hide my memories before I’m erased as Gabriel

And the fact that Gabriel went about things the way he did, with the simplest plan and outlook, and it almost ended in him getting his current identity erased, shows that he either just doesn’t think about or worry about things the way Aziraphale and Crowley have had to, or he just doesn’t care. A bit of both, I think. This is me reading between the lines, but after season 2, Beelzebub and Gabriel come off as the kind of people who do their jobs out of necessity, not passion: “this is just what we do (follow the great plan), this is how the world is and it’s what I’ve always known”, and most importantly “what option do I have other than to keep doing this?”

I think you can certainly read the tarmac scene after Armageddon’t as the catalyst for them first questioning the purpose of it all, but it’s also where they see that doing something other than the Great Plan (or what they’ve been doing) is an option.

…I’d also argue that there’s a difference between reciting the company policy and feeding that as ambrosia to your underlings (season 1 Gabriel reads this way to me in hindsight), and believing it and caring about it yourself. Like I said above, Gabriel and Beelzebub are not very passionate, nor do they think about things in the way of “what does all of this mean about me?” They’re out of touch, they don’t interact with humans in ways to see them as people which might cause them to question their actions and their self-concept: this is just a job for them, they pull in the numbers, and they know what they’re meant to be doing, and do it. Even after they realize that it’s all pointless and they choose “their side”, neither of them really comes off as someone who thinks like someone like Aziraphale or Crowley. Beelzebub shows a desire for praise for all the work they’ve done for hell — the opposite of Crowley, who cares about how his actions affect humans, and avoids doing his real job as much as possible in order to minimize harm to them. Aziraphale is someone that believes in the company policy, and the message, to the point that it’s become the crux of his whole identity, even if he also thinks the company is going against its own preachings. This is part of what makes it harder for him to leave. Whereas Beelzebub and Gabriel, who have not internalized their actions, or self-identified with the company in the same way, can jump ship quite easily.

There’s also another reason Gabriel and Beelzebub could “work it all out” and leave so easily: they were in the highest positions possible aside from being the Metatron/God or Satan, and that comes with the vantage point to see more of the whole forest and not just the trees. Maybe enough to know that changing a corrupt institution from the inside is impossible, or at least certainly enough to know that their position isn’t as powerful as someone like Aziraphale might think it is. You could also argue falling and going to hell is an easier solution than fixing heaven so that Beelzebub can come up to join, and Gabriel went for the method with the quickest results.

Aziraphale both has a natural inclination (as evidenced as far back as the garden wall) to internalize his actions (not everyone does that, and there’s different degrees of doing so), and he then is left to experience humanity while heaven and hell do terrible things to it. Other than earth being a way for Gabriel and Beelzebub to meet up, and their affinity for Buddy Holly, they don’t really care about or understand humans…that’s ironically what makes their jobs just jobs and so easy to leave. This difference in perspective is why for them it’s like leaving a dead end job where they aren’t appreciated enough, when for Aziraphale it’s like leaving a cult.

[warrenkoles]

Table Manners S14 Ep 34: Rita Ora Transcript

Hi all, I have decided to transcribe the entire Rita Ora episode of Table Manners podcast. Well, my friend was sad because there wasn't a transcript and so she would have too difficult a time trying to follow/process everything without one, and I thought "hey, I type fast, I could do that!" (This was hubris, of course, especially considering that I am an American and not at all fluent in Londonese, clearly.)

I figured there would also be some interest in it from the Taika fans who are not the biggest Rita fans. The hosts do ask about him and thus she talks about him quite a bit!

Since I had to Google things for spelling a lot anyways I ended up linking to the brands and stuff mentioned because why not. I am just extra like that.

If there is anything incorrect please let me know so I can correct it. :)

Quick edit for cws: heavy discussion about food, and a few references to fasting that could be triggering for those with eating disorders.

Plucky music is in the background

Jessie: Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I’m here in mum’s kitchen, it’s, uh, pretty miserable and cold morning

Lennie: It’s not as bad as it has been darling

Jessie: No

Lennie: It’s not raining which is a miracle

Jessie: That’s true

Lennie: Yeah

Jessie: Um, we’re recording this and it’s half 10 and I have been in Dorset and I’ve had

Lennie: Your face is looking very rested, you don’t look tired

Jessie: Oh I thought you were going to say something else

Lennie: No, rested

Jessie: I had a good facial yesterday

Lennie: Okay, but you had good sleep probably

Jessie: Um, dunno about that

Lennie: I think

Jessie: How do you tell your in-laws – they don’t listen to this so it’s fine – how do you tell your darling in-laws who you love that you don’t want to sleep on a futon anymore? It is so painful

Lennie: Buy a mattress

Jessie: Do you think I could just buy a mattress? Because me and Sam get into that bed and we’re like

Lennie: I’ve got a spare mattress upstairs you can take

Jessie: It’s like torture. Okay fine. Um but I’ve eaten well in Dorset, um, shout out to the Anchor in Sea Town in Bridgeport. It was such a good lunch. I’ve been going there for years and then I saw that Thomasin Mars(?) had gone like maybe a couple of summers ago and the food is just unbelievable.

Jessie: That’s the place to be apparently

Lennie: Well that must be the reason that accommodation in Bridport is so expensive. Everyone’s going there for the food and putting the cost up. Jessie – 400 quid for two nights in July

Lennie: Crikey (inaudible)

Jessie: It’s the Notting Hill on sea, that’s what someone told me

Lennie: Okay

Jessie: Speaking of Notting Hill, our next guest

Lennie: Yeah

Jessie: Is from Ladbroke Grove

Lennie: Oh yeah

Jessie: She is a super star

Lennie: Yup

Jessie: She does everything

Lennie: Yup

Jessie: From fashion design to drinks to hair products to, most importantly, singing, and, um, we’ve got her on here

Lennie: She got her wellies ready

Jessie: I don’t know how long we’ve got with her because this girl works like a horse

Lennie: Yeah

Jessie: Is that what you say?

Lennie: A dog. Works like a dog, darling

Jessie: (laughs) Works like a dog

Lennie: Yeah

Jessie: Um, and, it’s Rita Ora. She’s coming on the podcast. She’s wanted to come on this for ages. I remember when we spoke to each other years ago and she was like “Can I come on? Can I bring my mum?” And I was like “yeah, sure”. I don’t think she’s bringing her gorgeous mum

Lennie: Is she- is she- is she bringing her gorgeous husband?

Jessie: Oh stop Mum, you need to hold it down when you meet her

Lennie: Okay, okay

Jessie: We’re recording this 2, 3 days before we’re both about to perform at Mighty Hoopla in Brockwell Park on Sunday, so, um

Lennie: Are you welly ready?

Jessie: *sighs* Lennie…I’m not wearing wellies

Lennie: I bloody well am, I’ve ordered mine from Asda-

Jessie: Oh what, cause you’re going to be going on-

Lennie: -leopard print-

Jessie: Shut up!

Lennie: Little short leopard print wellies

Jessie: Oh my god. Little short ones

Lennie: Yeah. Galoshes

Jessie: What are you wearing on top, Lennie?

Lennie: Black all in one with a white jacket

Jessie: Oo, will you get on stage with me?

Lennie: Maybe

Jessie: What’s on the menu?

Lennie: Well, it’s very early in the morning, so, we can fit in with her, and so it’s picky bits as you would call them

Jessie: Oh you know what? Shout out to Jane McDonald who has a Radio 2 show now-

Lennie: -Called picky bits

Jessie: -Called picky tea. (Lennie: Picky tea) She asks everybody what they like for their picky tea. It’s brilliant

Lennie: Okay, so I’ve got picky bits breakfast. I’ve done a chopped salad with those lovely little baby cucumbers (Jessie: Gorgeous) that taste so nice. I’ve got some feta (Jessie: Mhm), some prosciutto, (Jessie: Yeah) and I’ve done some avocado, cut up so I really cut things up today. That’s it but I’ve put them on nice plates and you’re doing jammy eggs.

Jessie: Yes. I am. But I have just done them and they have not peeled how I like them to peel. And I don’t know what it is-

Lennie: I think impatience.

Jessie: no, I- I think there’s a science because I don’t know whether they- they came straight from the fridge.

Lennie: Okay

Jessie: I did the popping of the membrane and all that shit so if you want to write to hello@tablemannerspodcast.com you can let me know.

Lennie: When you were away, I made dippy eggs for your children but because I got distracted they weren’t very dippy and your son-

Jessie: -lost his shit

Lennie: Yeah

Jessie: (sighs) Joffrey….

Lennie: Yeah

Jessie: Rita Ora coming up on table manners….

Plucky music ends

Jessie: Rita Ora is already gassing and yacking with me-

Rita: HI!

Jessie: It’s so nice to see you!

Rita: Wait, do we need to wait for your mum or….

Jessie: Mum’s just gonna come (Lennie in the background saying something, indistinct) – yeah you’re right, you’re polite, you’re a good-

Lennie, from a distance: Jessie would just get on with it

Rita: Jessie’s just like “Oh it’s alright, she can join in halfway through”

Jessie: I’m aware – I’m aware that you have like a 14 hour day today-

Rita: Oh you’re so cute

Jessie: -which is kind of usual for you

Rita: I’m alright though to be honest, ‘cause I’m sort of used to it

Jessie: Did you sleep yesterday?

Rita: I couldn’t sleep.

Jessie: Oh babes!

Rita: You know when you’ve got so much going on you can’t actually like rest your head?

Jessie: And is it, is it because you’ve got the song coming out tomorrow?

Rita: Yeah! Yeah

Jessie: Which is very good (Rita: Aww) and we shall talk about it in a minute when Mum has joined us.

Rita: I think Mum’s mak-starting a, um, uh-

Lennie: Let me just get a coffee.

Rita: -a brasserie going on over there.

Jessie: We’re doing – yeah, she’s-

Rita: Want me to help you?

Lennie: No, nothing darling

Rita: Are you sure?

Lennie: Yeah

Rita: Because I’m pretty good at helping

Lennie: I’m sure you are!

Rita: Well I’d like to think I am (laughs)

Jessie: Is your bedroom tidy, Rita, at your mum’s house? If I can ask that.

Rita: It’s like an organized mess.

Jessie: Okay, got it.

Rita: You know, it’s like she doesn’t really go into our o- Oh you’ve got a cat!

Jessie: This is Prince

Rita: Prince! Hiiii! We have a Bengal.

Jessie: You’re mad.

Rita: I know, they’re mad. But he’s like 79. I don’t think he’s ever going to die. Poor, poor Bruno - his name’s Bruno.

Jessie: Bruno’s such a good name.

Rita: Hi Prince!

Jessie: Are you an animal person, Rita Ora?

Rita: Yeah, I love animals. It’s ‘cause I can’t have any but they calm me thee fuck down. They’re so calming. Don’t you think?

Jessie: Couldn’t you have like a companion dog that you wal- go on the aeroplanes with?

Rita: No…it’s too much work

Lennie: Oh yeah, what do they call them?

Jessie: Companion…an emotional support do-

Rita: Do you let your cat on the table?

Lennie: Don’t let him on the table, don’t let him on the chairs, she doesn’t talk to him anywhere.

Rita: You don’t talk to your cat?

Lennie: She’s talked to him, but he’s got too needy.

Rita: I mean, I don’t know, I’ve never grown up with animals really. So when I gave my cat to my parents because, obviously I’ve done a lot of sort of adopting and not being able to look after them because it’s just, our schedule as musicians, you know, you’re never in one place really, so…I give my pets away.

Lennie: Where do you live actually, Rita?

Rita: Half in New Zealand now, which is so-

Lennie: With the gorgeous Taika

Jessie: Yeahhhh

Rita: Aww Taika I wanted him to do this with me

Jessie: She knows-

Lennie: I am a huge fan

Rita: Are you??

Lennie: I saw him at-

Jessie: Yeah but she’s- it’s a little Kathy Bates, Misery, so just watch it

Lennie: Yeah, a little Kathy bates, sure

Rita: Well that’s nice!

Lennie: He did letters live

Rita: Oh yeah, he did do that

Lennie: And he was fantastic and made me laugh so much.

Jessie: You-

Lennie: I was very jealous when you married him.

Jessie or Rita: (laughs)

Lennie: I just want to put that out there because I think he’s so-

Jessie: (laughing) Because she thought she had a chance

Lennie: Interesting! No, I didn’t-

Jessie: Sorry!

Lennie: I didn’t think I had a chance, but I was jealous that you got him because-

Rita: Thank you

Lennie: He’s so wonderful

Jessie: Oh we’re really happy for her and thrilled

Lennie: I was happy, well I wasn’t that happy.

Rita: Do you know, you’re not the only person that’s said that?

Lennie: He’s fabulous.

Rita: Do you know what’s funny? A lot of people have called me and been like “I’m very jealous of you and your husband”

Lennie: Yeah!

Rita: Well, I think it’s just because, like, you see, it’s kind of what he’s like is what he’s like, like he really makes me laugh and he’s just so amazing.

Lennie: Do you just laugh all of the time?

Rita: All the time. It’s just really nice to be able to just be with someone that you know makes you feel like it’s not a job and it feels sort of like an existence? Rather then, uh, not that all my past relationships felt like jobs but it just felt like I was responsible to do things in the relationship. It was almost like “do you wanna go and have like dinner?” just like making an effort that you – I feel like relationships, you just don’t have to think really about them. They should just happen and this one just really happens. It’s really nice, it’s just natural. It’s great.

Lennie: Is he coming to Mighty Hoopla?

Rita: Yes!

Lennie: Yessss-

Jessie: Oh god keep him away-

Rita: Are you coming? Okay!

Jessie: Keep him away – Mum, mum – No – Rita -

Lennie: I’ve got – I’ve got leopard print welly boots for that.

Rita: What, for Taika or for the-

(Laughter)

Lennie: Not Taika!

Jessie: For the gays or Taika? I don’t know.

Rita: I’ll have to give him, uh-

Lennie: For the mud!

Rita: I’ll give him an update (Jessie: A warning) and I’ll let him know that you’re around… He’s gonna love it. Are you kidding? He loves attention. (laughs) He’s a Leo.

Jessie: Back to you-

Rita: Yes.

Jessie: So, growing up (Rita: Yeah) who was around the dinner table and what were you eating?

Rita: Oh, everything. I mean, first of all, our delicacy in Albania and how we sort of like function is very heavy. It’s like pastries and cheeses and um… It’s definitely more kind of like pies and sour-y, less sweet stuff, um… So there was always food on the table even just snacks whether it was like bowls of nuts or, just something is always there to just be eaten which is amazing

Lennie: So wait, you were born in Kosovo-

Rita: I was born in Kosovo and I moved to London in 1990 and we lived in West London our whole lives. I – I think before we found our real family home which was West London like Ladbroke Grove we kind of stayed around Ellschool area and then we found a really amazing house in Ladbroke Grove and that’s sort of where I grew up in West London, yeah.

Jessie: Were there a lot of Kosovans that you were friends with there? Or was it that you kind of moved over with your family and you didn’t know- you were starting again?

Rita: I love – first of all, before I answer this question, I love this show so much.

Lennie: Do you? Why?

Rita: I always – and I think I told you this –

Jessie: You’ve been asking to do it for a while.

Rita: I have.

Jessie: And we’ve wanted you!

Rita: And I was like, can I really just hang out with you and your mum because I just love the idea of chatting around people and eating and relaxing and me and my mum are like exactly the same.

Lennie: Do you argue with your mum?

Rita: Yeah, but just like light arguing.

Lennie: But you love each other.

Rita: It’s never like borderline (Lennie: No) abusive or aggressive or-

Jessie: Its passionate, you get it out, and then it’s done.

Lennie: And then you eat.

Rita: And then you act like nothing’s happened, yeah, and then you eat and it’s like “Dinner’s ready!” and you’re like, okay, and it just kind of-

Lennie: Are you a loud family? We’re pretty loud, aren’t we?

Jessie: Yes. We’re loud.

Lennie: When Jessie brought her husband into the family, he thought we were arguing all the time. And your daughter thinks we argue, just when we’re debating.

Rita: Really?

Jessie: Yeah, she puts her hands over her ears, when it’s just, we’re talking loudly.

Rita: Awww. It’s heated, it’s a heated debate.

Jessie: Yeah. We’re the same.

Rita: We’re just passionate people, I think, from the Balkans, Eastern Europeans we just, I think, communicate differently. We’re just very sort of like, direct.

Jessie: So what was a memorable dish that your mum or your dad made?

Rita: Well we had pite (https://www.myalbanianfood.com/recipe/albanian-spinach-pie-spinaq-pite/) which is basically like a spinach pie, it’s like seven – I actually wanted to bring some, but my mum had it for breakfast, and it was the one piece left and I was like “I can’t believe you – I told you I was doing this and I wanted to bring some food and-“ anyway. But-  

Lennie: It’s a bit like spanakopita.

Rita: It’s a bit like baklava but like-

Lennie: But with spinach in.

Rita: With spinach, and like cheese, and goat’s cheese, so it’s like a spinach pie. It’s just my favorite dish.

Jessie: Is that – Didn’t you make a dish on Louis Theroux (https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001fr4r), were you making something-?

Rita: That’s what it was!

Jessie: It was that!

Rita: Yeah!

Jessie: Yes!

Rita: That’s a famous sort of dish, I personally love like stuffed peppers with minced meat and rice, and that’s a big one for our family, you just stuff the peppers with a lot of mince meat and if you don’t want rice –

Jessie: And what’s the seasoning?

Rita: Everything I see in the drawer, I put on the, spices, like everything, everything, every pepper, every – I mean, I can’t tell you, I don’t really have rules, I feel like for me, the more the merrier.

Jessie: Yeah, I feel like, Rita, you’ve never had rules, to be fair, so-

Rita: (cutely) I know

Jessie: So it kind of works like that in the kitchen too.

Rita: I think for me I just like, you know. Flavor’s flavor. I like a lot of flavor.

Lennie: You sounded New Zealand then.

Jessie: (mock NZ accent) “flavah’s flavah”

Rita: Oh no…

Jessie: How is that? Are you, kind of, because I hear-

Rita: A lot of people are telling me that!

Jessie: No but I think, it apparently means that you’re an empathetic person.

Rita: You’ve gotta stop me, because I really don’t want to have- I mean, I love them to death but I like my accent.

Jessie: No! But I can imagine, you- you’re married to- you know, you hear that, and – no, it was only a little tinge of it.

Rita: I know, well thank you.

Jessie: A little flavah of it.

Rita: Every time I do it, please catch me out

Jessie: “please catch me out”

Rita: Oh my god! Really, is it bad? Oh no! Okay.

Jessie: But I don’t-

Lennie: Naur!

Rita: No!

(Laughter)

Jessie: I love it, I think that-

Rita: I’m just around them all the time now, like it’s half of my family, and his kids go to school in New Zealand and so, yeah. We’re always there a lot.

Lennie: Where do you live, is it Auckland?

Rita: Auckland, we have a place literally on the water, it’s really nice.

(dreamy sigh, I think from Jessie)

Lennie: Yeah

Rita: Auckland is beautiful, I feel like New Zealand is, obviously, so far (Lennie: It is, Jessie says something indistinct) but if you make an effort to get there-

Lennie: It’s gorgeous.

Jessie: It’s stunning.

Rita: It’s a game changer.

Lennie: Have you been Jess?

Jessie: I’ve been over ten years ago when I did a festival called Laneway (https://www.lanewayfestival.com/) (Rita: Yeah) and I was there for a very short time but I adored it. (Rita: Isn’t it?) I adored the people and I mean, I like Australia too and I like that side of the- (Rita: Mmhmm) I like it.

Rita: I love it.

Lennie: You’re very popular there.

Rita: Yeah, I mean, I’ve done The Voice there obviously for a few years so I’ve been there like a big, big chunk out of my year. I haven’t done it now- I mean, I didn’t do it last year, but it’s, it’s, it’s like a home away from home for me, I really like Australia and obviously that’s where I met my husband and a lot of things just-

Lennie: You met him there?

Rita: Yes

Lennie: Where?

Rita: It was in Sydney. I was doing The Voice and he was filming Thor, uh, Ragnarok and it just, yeah, it’s just where we kind of clicked.

Jessie: Did you get set up?

Rita: I wouldn’t say set up, but we definitely met through a friend, innocently. Like, he was doing a barbecue, my husband loves to just cook, he loves to make – he’s a meaty person, so he just puts all the meat and it’s just meats and salads and things like that, he’s incredible at steak and things, and so he had a barbecue. And a friend of ours, uh, kind of, we had a mutual, was like “Hey my friend’s having a barbecue do you want to come with me?” and I was like “okay, if he’s okay with it, it’s at his house, personal house, blah blah blah” We get there and that’s where we met. And we became friends, and-

Lennie: Did you fancy him straight away?

Rita: No…Well I fancied him, but I just didn’t think it was a thing where he fancied me because I thought I was just too crazy for him, too much for him – I don’t know, the film world, I think, is just different to the music world of – pop stars and musicians, I think, are just more wild and I thought…but then I got to know him and he’s just more wild than anyone I’ve ever met. (laughs)

Jessie: I need to know…does he have a gas barbecue or does he do, you know, charcoal?

Rita: Charcoal. Always. He loves the real smokey feeling and the flavor and the smell – he prefers charcoal but if there’s gas he’ll make it work.

Jessie: Because I thought, down under, everyone had a gas one because they were barbecuing all the time and therefore they were like, well, we’ll just do, but- no, you do the whole effort thing.

Rita: But if you go down down under, when you go even further-

Jessie: Oh you go down down under, okay

Rita: -to New Zealand, I think there’s a real difference. Their cultures are actually really different. So you know the Maori culture, which is where Taika’s from, they actually make like an oven like in the ground. Um, I don’t want to explain it wrong, but it’s very much like natural, you know, you put the fire, the coal and everything and you actually – It’s called a – I think it’s called a boil up. (Jessie: Okay…) It’s- it’s delicious. I mean, the first time I had it, but I mean, you throw meat in there, vegetables in there. It’s actually just like a huge stew, I think is kind of how you explain it? But it’s just – smokey, everything’s smokey, the vegetables, the meat, everything, and you leave it under the ground for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and now it’s delicious.

Jessie: It sounds it, it sounds amazing

Lennie: He’s also a little bit Jewish, isn’t he?

Rita: A little bit (laughs) He is.

Jessie: Oh my god, no, see this is what I’m talking about, Kathy Bates

Lennie: He is

Rita: Yes he is

Lennie: Is it his father or his mother?

Jessie: I love Kathy

(Laughter)

Rita: It’s his mother.

Lennie: His mum’s jewish?

Rita: Yes

Jessie: Oh so he’s- (adopts a stereotypical American Jewish woman accent) He’s a Jew!

Lennie: (also trying to do the accent) He’s a proper Jew!

Rita: Oh you do like him! (Lennie: Yes, I do) Yes, yes, he’s half Jewish and half Maori.

Jessie: Enough about fucking Taika, mum, it’s –

Lennie: Okay, sorry-

Rita: Awwww

Lennie: I was wondering if he cooked Jewish food for her!

Rita: No, but, um, I do understand that being from a mixed culture, it’s interesting, because when I moved here from Kosovo, you know, coming into the UK it was just amazing because it’s such a mixing pot, so on Portobello Market which is kind of where I hung out all the time, the stores are just all over the world, you’ve got German, you’ve got Chinese, I mean it’s amazing, just kind of having-

Lennie: Did the Germans stool there? Sorry, do you know what I’m talking about?

Jessie: The German stool is so good, the bratwurst! Yes!

Lennie: I know, the bratwurst, oh yeah.

Jessie: On a Saturday, so good!

Rita: The sausages are to die for, aren’t they?

Jessie: So good!

Rita: I know!

Lennie: But there’s that, that place further up-

Rita: Speaking of food, are we gonna eat because now I’m starving!

Lennie: Yeah

Rita: Okay

Jessie: Yes! Yes, fabulous. Now we’ve got, kind of, we kind of got a few instructions that, quite healthy-

Rita: Oh good. Oh my gosh

Jessie: high protein-

Rita: Just to let you all know, I’m not like the crazy stricty person, but I do like a bit of a healthy-

Jessie: I appreciate that

Rita: Awwwww

Jessie: We’ve got, we’ve got gravlax-

Rita: You guys!

Jessie: We have some prosciutto- oh what is it, is it prosciutto, I don’t know (Lennie: ham and prosciutto) we’ve got some jammy eggs, we’re actually a real (Rita: Yummmmm) market appeal, basically (Rita: Awwwwwww) and then some salad

Rita: So who makes the food? Because I’ve always wanted to ask.

Lennie: Well if we want to be something more exotic (Jessie: Yeah) I probably would but it’s breakfast time so…

Rita: Oh my goodness, can I, this is- I also wanted to see how real this all was, and it really is!

Lennie: Yeah it’s real, yeah it’s real

Rita: You guys really just do the thing.

Jessie: -bits and bobs so it’s very much up to you

Rita: Thank you!

Lennie: - what you take- so you’ve got bits and bobs but I think it will give you sustenance.

Rita: This is a bit like an Albanian breakfast!

Jessie: Is it? Picky? Picky bits?

Rita: yeah! But do you know what my mum would add to this dish?

Lennie: What?

Rita: “Prženice” (https://thebalkanhostess.com/przenice/) which is basically like French toast. (Lennie: Oooo) but it’s, but it’s not like with the sweetness of it, it’s just the eggyness of it.

Jessie: I love an eggy bread.

Rita: I know, there’s nothing like it, is there?

Jessie: Have you ever tried cook- doing an eggy bread with challah bread? You know, the kind of knotted Jewish bread.

Rita: Oh yeah

Jessie: It’s very nice.

Rita: and then we have this thing called “ajvar” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ajvar) which is like almost like a spiced spread-

Jessie: Oh, that’s so nice

Rita: It’s like a red spice, yeah. It’s delicious. It’s just this is what we would actually just do for breakfast.

Jessie: Well just help yourself, salt and pepper, help yourself, take what you want

Rita: How excit- (overexaggerating NZ accent) How exciting! How exciting, mate!

(laughter)

Jessie: Um so okay. We’re going to talk about the single.

Rita: Oh yay!

Jessie: I got – we got to listen to it last night-

Rita: Did you?

Lennie: It’s gorgeous!

Jessie: It’s really gorgeous

Rita: Aww thank you!

Jessie: It’s very … I mean like we all know that you got married and you’re very happy and in love, but I really feel like that song celebrates- I mean yeah, I presume it’s about your husband.

Rita, slightly muffled: yeah!

(Laughter)

Jessie: Or this….you like….

Rita: You know…(laugh) I did my last album really inspired by my relationship and with this record, I want to get out of the idea of always being inspired by it (Jessie: Yup) because it’s a bit annoying, you know (Jessie: Yup!) I wanted to try and find a bit of inspiration that sometimes isn’t that deep.

Jessie: Babe, I hear ya. And I can relate for everybody, not just maybe (Rita: yeah) your situation.

Rita: And I think obviously for me as a music fan I like it being like “well this came from this moment where I did this and I did that” but sometimes…

(Dishes rattling in the background, background mumbling that’s indistinct)

Jessie: Yes please (Rita: what oil?) and some lemon actually, I’m going to get some lemon

Rita: Oh yes, come on, let’s- can I take some of this salad?

Jessie: Babe, help yourself

Rita: Uh, YUM!

Jessie: Um, is there - Is there lemon around?

Lennie: Yeah, in the fridge.

Rita: Guys, can I just say that the fasting thing is hell on earth.

Jessie: Well how long have you been doing that?

Rita: It’s really hard and anyone’s that like “oh it’s so easy” I just think that you never get over the feeling of hunger (laughs)

Jessie: Can I just say: suck it up, Rita, suck it up!

Rita: I am, I mean it’s been pretty good, like, for sleep though

Jessie: Has it? Are you a bad sleeper?

Rita: Mmm.

Jessie: But babe, I think that’s prob-tentially because you’re-like-what body-what time zone are you in now?

Rita: I have so much to do… (sighs) I feel like I have so much to do but it’s the same with you, and you’re a mum (Jessie: No, no) and I’m not even a mum!

Jessie: Babe, you- I, I think that I work too hard and then I see your bloody Instagram and I think “Jesus Christ” (Rita: yeah) “that girl doesn’t stop”

Rita: But you know what’s crazy-

Jessie: And respect, that’s how you are, you’ve always been like this, (Rita: Oh yeah, thank you) you’ve always been a grafter.

Rita: I have, yeah. I mean I was just having that conversation the other day. I just don’t know if I- how to do it any other way, to be honest.

Jessie: So the single’s coming out-

Rita: So the single, it’s called Ask and You Shall Ritaeceive (Jessie: yes), which, honestly? It’s not –

Jessie: Oo, you’ve gone born again, babe.

Rita: Yes. I literally wanted to feel like it’s not that deep. I wanted a really happy, fun summer anthem that everyone, if you think about my music over this sort of decade, it’s always been for me about uplifting (Jessie: yeah) people and having that ability (Jessie: mhmm) to just like feel good (Jessie: yeah) and I think anyone that’s been to my shows knows that, you know, you’re there to have a party, really, and, um, I-I love doing that. I love making people feel good, making people dance and Ask and You Shall Receive felt like the right thing at the right time. It was, you know, written by RAYE who I love dearly and that whole story of her’s and everything that she’s kind of, like, done is so inspiring and it feels so, so relevant for us now in the music industry to be able to just like prove that, you know, you can do things in such different formats nowadays. And, um, it just is like a 360 because I, I, you know, she supported me on tour, you know, I used to always ask her to come and pop out on my shows actually, like for Radio 1 Big Weekend and things, and you know she was kind of still trying to be an artist at that point. (Jessie: yeah) And I was like “you need to come out on stage with me” and she just was really kind of like grateful and there and happy. And so it was like a 360 moment. And so all of those little things really, really connected to me. And…yeah, it just happened and it came and it felt great. It feels really, really happy and-and-and organic and the visuals I think I’m-I’m feeding you guys a bit more of kind of darkness, a bit more not so perfect because it’s kind of leading into the new world and the new era. (music begins to play and swell as she speaks)

Ad break

Jessie: How is it, going into that entrepreneurial world? I mean obviously you’ve got Prospero tequila – is it Prospero? (Lennie in background: yeah) (https://www.prosperotequila.com/)

Rita: I thought it was a bit early to bring that-

Jessie: Babes-

Lennie: Not for- never too fucking early for Jessie  

(laughter)

Jessie: Excuse me? Not for Jessie?

Lennie: Do I drink tequila? No.

Jessie: You would-

Rita: Do you drink-

Lennie: No.

Jessie: -if it was here

Rita: -alcohol?

Jessie: Does she- fuck (?) – is

Lennie: Only wine (Jessie: yeah) – only wine

Rita: Oh that’s- If I remember from watching you do love a good glass of wine.

Jessie: Yes!

Lennie: Gorgeous, yes.

(laughter)

Jessie: So you know you’ve been doing business for a while. You did tequila (Rita: yeah), you are, you’re doing hair. Are you going to expand it into more beauty because it would make sense that you would do an eyebrow serum, (Rita: I think) an eyelash serum and then it goes into cosmetics.

Rita: I’ve had offers.

Jessie: And?

Rita: Like Ora Beauty [T/N: too many to tell which one] which kinda makes sense because Ora and everything, and. It’s just, I think, for me about the right time, you know, the right partners, the right product, I don’t want to rush anything, um. I’m just still in such a great headspace of putting out music and keeping that as the focus right now.

Jessie: Yes

Rita: I think that’s just, like, my priority. I did a lot of TV last year and I wanted to really just come back to where it all started and hone in my roots and put out some songs for the summer.

Lennie: Are you going to do The Voice here again?

Rita: No. No-no-no.

Lennie: No?

Jessie: But you do The Masked Singer

Rita: Um, I have done it now (Lennie: oh..), what, for a few years

Jessie: Right

Rita: Yeah, I think it feels like something I can’t stay away from. I just love Davina, Jonathan… you know we’re family now. You know-

Jessie: Yeah, it looks like you have so much fun.

Rita: I love Moe. I do it in the States now, though, the only problem is it’s filmed the same time.

Lennie: Oh…

Jessie: Babe!

Lennie: So you’re back and forth?

Rita: So it’s like LA, London for a day, and then I’m back to LA

Jessie: Do you have-

Lennie: How do you manage that?

Jessie: This is the thing!

Rita: It’s hell (Lennie: Do you-), but I manage it, it’s just mindset.

Lennie: Do you like aeroplane food?

Rita: I love aeroplane food.

Lennie: Me too. I love it.

Rita: I make a whole thing out of it.

Lennie: I love it.

Rita: Really? You don’t. [T/N: I think referencing Jessie?]

Lennie: I absolutely love aeroplane food.

Jessie: I’ll- I’ll eat it. So I like – I enjoy it.

Rita: I mean I take everything like you know ther- like when “Would you like a glass of champagne?” like as soon as you get there and I hate champagne, I’m like “yeah!” “Would you like nuts?” “Yeah!” And I- and the plane takes off and I’m like (whispers) “can I get some wine and some crisps” (regular voice) and then they’re like okay I’m ready to order okay cool I’ll do the starter, the middle, I mean I make it a whole thing. I love it.

Jessie: Is- (laughs) Wha- I mean, you must fly on every, every different thing. What’s the best- (Lennie: Air New Zealand!) What’s the best catering?

Rita: Airline wise?

Jessie: Yeah

Rita: I mean, I’m honestly not just saying this but Air New Zealand have really good food.

Jessie: I’ve heard they’re good.

Lennie: The wine is fabulous.

Rita: Isn’t it? Well I mean New Zealand wine is great. I went to the best winery in New Zealand actually, you guys need to come-

Jessie: What’s it called?

Rita: Oh I can’t remember but-

Jessie: Oh that’s unhelpful Rita!

Rita: I know, I know but I’ll send- I’ll text you it. It’s so yummy. (Jessie: Well, I, I keep on-) That was wasted.

Jessie: But I keep seeing you hanging out in hobbits houses.

Rita: I mean, because I’m a tourist. I can’t go to a place and not go to the, like, famous touristy places

Jessie: Are you a big Lord of the Rings fan?

Rita: Now I am!

(laughter)

Jessie: I can see! You keep on frequenting the hobbit hole!

Rita: No-no-no, I mean I obviously know about the franchise but I wanted to go and see- I wanted to go see it. Everything in New Zealand is so small because like there’s not that many of them, it’s a very small population and so it’s- Taika’s friends actually helped build the set and so, his name’s Ron, and he was like “Can you go and see it?” It took 2 years for 12 days of filming. Isn’t that insane?

Jessie: Wow!

Lennie: Well shit!

Rita: Come on

Lennie: But I can imagine that.

Rita: 2 years for 12 days!

Lennie: Yeah, but that’s important, isn’t it?

Jessie: But it’s now lived on and now it’s kind of (Rita: There you go) there you go. Um, last supper (Rita, whispering: ah yeah). Starter, main, pud, drink choice.

Rita: You know, for me, I’m a big picker, so like this is my ideal breakfast-

Jessie: Okay great.

Rita: So I would say for starters it would be like salads, bit of cold things like meats and cheeses, um, vegetables, cold not really cooked vegetables I like things feeling a bit raw. (Jessie: okay) Like I don’t know why I just, maybe that’s just how I grew up. Um, so that would be like my starter. (Jessie: yup) And then my dinner would honestly like because I just love food so much it’d probably be just like a really good, great, juicy burger. Like (Lennie: burger!) an amazing burger, like really well cooked juicy meat with like cheese and pickles and like a brioche bread. Like a brioche-

Jessie: Okay, where- where are you getting this burger? Like where is the best burger you’ve ever eaten?

Lennie: Does Taika cook them?

Rita: He makes good burgers. You know, I’ve been on a burger hunt for a really long time.

Jessie: Can I like offer one up to you?

Rita: Go on, yeah

Jessie: In Australia.

Rita: Really?

Jessie: In Sydney. (Rita: Oh!) No, Melbourne! Sorry, Melbourne (Rita: Okay…) Gimlet. (https://gimlet.melbourne/)

Rita: Okay…

Jessie: In like the center bit of- (stuttering) Melbournians, whatever you’re called (laughter) I’m apologizing now. But they do a late night burger, it’s on the menu, it’s a vibe. They do really good dirty martinis (Rita: ooo!) but the burger was sensational. So next time you’re filming, I don’t know whether you- where you film - where do you film the Mask- (Rita: In Sydney) Okay that’s unhelpful then, I’m sorry.

Rita: But you know what’s-

Jessie: Melbourne. If you’re there.

Rita: But you know what’s really good too and easy? A Shake Shack. (https://shakeshack.com) They’re really good.

Lennie: Shake Shack?

Jessie: I’ve never had one.

Rita: You know what, they’re really easy, great, good-

Lennie: Are they in London?

Jessie: Yeah, they are now.

Rita: The ones in America I think of but I’ve never had a London Shake Shack but a good Shake Shack is-is-is good.

Lennie: Where do you stand on In-N-Out? (https://www.in-n-out.com/)

Rita: I mean I love In-N-Out, I do think it’s a bit over- over played. (Jessie: Yeah) But I dunno if that’s just because like we’re English (Lennie in the background indistinguishable) but I feel like-yeah…

Jessie: What did you eat after the Met?

Rita: I mean, what didn’t I eat? It was everything in sight. Pizza, fries, burgers, um, if I had a choice in life I would just eat like burgers for the rest of my life.

Lennie: With chips?

Rita: With chips. (Lennie: yeah) Um, I’ve definitely introduced blue cheese into the burger world which I never used to do before.

Lennie: Oh yeah, I think blue cheese is gorgeous.

Rita: I think it’s nice in the burger. (Jessie: Very nice) I never used to, um, and a good sweet potato fry. Rather than a fry.

Jessie & Lennie at same time: Oh, really?

Rita: Is that disappointing?

Jessie: I don’t know! (Rita: laughing) It’s just – they promise so much and then they don’t deliver.

Lennie: You can’t - The thing is – you can’t keep them crisp.

Jessie: They don’t deliver.

Rita: I agree a little bit!

Lennie: You have to do it in the right flour.

Jessie: you think you’re doing the right thing by choosing the sweet potato fry but you may as well just have… (Rita: the fry) …the fry

Lennie: I like the courgette fries that they have in (Jessie/Rita: mmmmm)- yeah, the courgette fries they have in Whats it Burger, oh is it Honest Burger? (https://www.honestburgers.co.uk/)

Jessie: Oh, do they?

Lennie: yeah

Rita: Oh Honest is good burgers!

Jessie: Yeah, Honest is good.

Lennie: Yeah, they have courgette fries-

Rita: You know what also is good? The Electric has good burgers on Portobello (https://www.electricdiner.com/)

Lennie: (indistinct)

Jessie: Oh I wanted- I wanted to know, you used to work at Size (https://www.size.co.uk/), didn’t you?

Rita: I did, yeah.

Jessie: I can so imagine you- (Rita: Can you?) -being a cool (Rita: Walking around) -trainer girl!

Rita: (laughs) I still am, I was at-

Jessie: Hot, cool trainer girl!

Rita: I was actually talking about it yesterday, I’ve got my, um-

Lennie: Those are lovely!

Rita: These are my Rita for Primark clogs. (https://www.primark.com/en-us/r/rita-ora/view-all)

Lennie: Aren’t they nice?

Jessie: Are you doing another collaboration with them?

Rita: Oh yeah, I’m in bed with them. (Jessie: laughs) They’re my best friends. I mean honestly-

Jessie: They look very comfy.

Rita: I have to just give a quick shout out to Primark because I have to tell you something not even like because I work with them. They were such a massive staple for me growing up- That’s my- That’s my bag!

Lennie: Is this your bag?

Rita: I designed that bag!

Jessie: Oh my god, stop!

Lennie: I absolutely love it

Rita: Can I just hold it?

Lennie: Yeah

Jessie: Oh my-

Rita: So this was inspired-

Jessie: This was not rehearsed, guys.

Rita: No! (Jessie: This is bonkers) Did you not know (Lennie: No) this was Rita Ora Primark? See, this is why I love it because people-

Jessie: Well shouldn’t you be making it a bit more known that it’s your bloody bag, Rita?

Rita: Wait, where’s my logo? Oh that’s what it was, I didn’t want to put my logo on-

Lennie: There’s no logo on it.

Rita: Well no, it’s on the label. (Lennie: okay) It’s not on the- (Jessie: Why didn’t-) Because I didn’t- I wanted the product to really, like, be its thing, I didn’t want people to just buy it ‘cause it’s Rita Ora, I wanted people to actually like the design of it, which you did! (Lennie: I love it) This was, um, just inspired for easy living (Lennie: yeah) That’s everything I do now because, I don’t know if it’s ‘cause I turned 30 but I just do things to be easy in life now, like easy living. That’s so funny that you didn’t know that.

Jessie: That is really funny.

Rita: Anyway this is Primark too (Lennie: my favorite thing)  

Jessie: That’s great, it looks-

Rita: So yeah, shoutout to them.

Lennie: Is that Primark?

Rita: Yeah! And this!

Lennie: Oh my goodness.

Jessie: Babe you’re a full Primarnie girl today

Rita: Yeah because, can I tell you, like, it’s a staple point. Like I grew up really going to them for school, uniform, underwear, when my mum had breast cancer they had a really great breast cancer kind of collection for- for women that have had surgery and it was just always a big thing in my life and something that I always depended on. It was like a trusting friend, you know. Anyway and when I got into business with them everybody was like “Oh! Makes sense!” Cause I just wanted to just do things that I felt like I wanted to see when I was kinda going shopping there. Like high fashion stuff but you couldn’t afford it and it’s just been doing really well because I think people see the authentic story behind it and it’s the truth and that was kind of why I love meshing and blending with them. It felt like going home, I guess.

Jessie: How many bags are you traveling with at the moment, Rita? I don’t even want to know what your luggage amount is when you fly.

Rita: I actually have to like pre-call the airline to just like buy extra luggage

Jessie: Oh my gosh you’re like JLo

Rita: Is that what she does?

Jessie: I think, more- I don’t know if she calls but-

Lennie: Victoria Beckham has about- has a full trolley, doesn’t she-

Jessie: Well, that’s gonna be Rita.

Lennie: -like 20 cases

Rita: Well, what I’ve been trying to do is like leave things at friends’ houses so I don’t have to travel with a lot of things.

Jessie: Oh my god you’re that person. You’re that gal and they’re like “Fucking Rita’s left another bag!”

Rita: (laughing) I’m that person! I’ve left a suitcase at like 3 of my friends’ houses, like “this is actually taking up too much space, you need to come and get it.”

Lennie: Have you got your own house here still?

Rita: Yeah, I have my own house here (Lennie: yeah), yeah yeah yeah. But, right, I’m staying at my mum’s because it’s under, it’s under renovation at the moment.

Lennie: Yeah, it’s always staying with your mum

Rita: And, it’s really cute. And my husband’s coming for the weekend, so it’s going to be like my parents and my husband all in the same house.

Jessie: Have you got a big enough bed for you, or have you got a single bed in there, is it like kind of like-

Rita: It’s like a small double bed (Jessie: Oh bless, I know), and I-I-I don’t, I’ve never done that before, actually, had my husband there with my parents. Have you done that?

Jessie: Yeah, I mean, I’ve been with Sam since I was 18 (Rita: yeah) so just my mum though but like, yeah.

Rita: But when the first time you kinda like had that sleepover, and the parents were in the house like, what?

Jessie: Are we talking about sex here, Rita, or-?

Rita: Well I’m- Well I’m- (laughing)

Lennie: Well him staying the night!

Rita: Wait- I don’t- (laughing)

Jessie: Well what are we talking about-

Lennie: Hence, Rita – I can’t remember- (indistinct)

(laughter)

Rita: I’m talking about what is allowed, you know, like I don’t know

Lennie: You’re a married woman!

Rita: I know but still! It’s the thing of, like, what- (Lennie: Jesus)

Jessie: Why don’t you just book a hotel room? For the night?

Rita: Do you think?

Jessie: I don’t know! If you want to have sex with your husband, just book a hotel room.

Lennie: Jessica!

Jessie: This is what we’re discussing! The important shit!

Rita: No but what I’m saying-

Lennie: But you were talking about the first time you brought Sam and he stayed here-

Jessie: Yeah I’m sure you were very, (Rita: Did you guys-) you were chill about it

Rita: But did you guys, like, have dinner and then it was like “okay goodnight!”

Jessie: Babe, you’re acting like you’re an Amish gal (laughs)

Lennie: Jessie, Sam virtually lived here

Jessie: yeah

Rita: Aww that’s nice

Jessie: But you- I think it’s going to go okay, Rita!

Rita: I hope so! I guess I’ve just never – I’ve never been a married woman like living in the house you know, having my partner stay in the house with my parents – it just feels-

Jessie: It isn’t like he’s a bit of a rando, like, yeah exactly

Rita: Oh that would never have been allowed, no-no-no, but I do believe in the idea of like still, feel-, I dunno, I guess just as kids you’re never really like, it always is weird, I guess. Or maybe just for me.

Jessie: Making each other a nighttime tea at the end of the night.

Rita: I’m like (whispers) “Hey well we’re just gonna go to bed then, night then.”

Lennie: Well, what’s it like being the stepmother?

Rita: Ohhhhh I love it.

Lennie: You do?

Rita: Yeaaaahhhhhh. It just feels really cool because it’s like I’m, I’m just the fairy godmother that doesn’t actually really have any responsibilities. (laughs)

Lennie: And you- yeah. Well it’s same as being a grandmother. (Rita: Is it? It feels-) To be honest. You just give chocolate, you give whatever they want-

Rita: I break all the rules

Lennie: Yeah, break all the rules

Rita: And buy them anything they want

Lennie: Yeah, of course

Rita: It’s the best.

Lennie: Absolutely

Jessie: We haven’t- we haven’t got your dessert (Rita: oh, sorry) Or your drink.

Rita: Oh yeah! Well. Negronis.

Jessie & Lennie: Oooooo

Jessie: Nice

Rita: I love negronis. Um, I have-

Jessie: Have you tried a negroni with tequila in? Mezcal? And apparently it’s really delicious.

Rita: That’s how I make it, because I drink tequila so I do a tequila negroni. It’s really yummy.

Lennie: Hold on, tell me how you make that.

Rita: Okay, well. I don’t really make them. (Jessie: laughs) I just order them. But if I was to make one, I have done them over Christmas but they’re not exactly perfect but-

Lennie: So the ingredients.

Rita: It’s just kind of for me I just do like a bit of Aperol tequila and tiny bit of vermouth and (Jessie: Campari) Campari (https://www.liquor.com/recipes/mezcal-negroni/)  

Jessie: And it’s delish.

Rita: yeah. It’s very strong.

Lennie: That must be quite bitter.

Jessie: It is, but it’s strong, but I like it.

Lennie: And what do you put in, do you put orange in or-

Rita: Yeah I mean I guess the Campari has a bit of that, doesn’t it

Lennie: And is there any water added, like fizzy water or-

Rita: No but I do add a bit of water, like, the ice-

Lennie: Wine- for me

Rita: -because it’s a bit strong.

Jessie: Wine?

Lennie: no, I-I-(indistinct)

(Laughter)

Rita: Wine? Wine anyone?

Lennie: No, because I went to this thing last weekend and they made a cocktail with elderflower, vodka and white wine.

Jessie: Nice

Rita: Like a spritz

Lennie: And it was all mixed up. Yeah! It was really delicious.

Rita: You know I went to a flea market the other day and they were making like day drinks and they were putting rose water with like CBD and like mushrooms-

Lennie: you’re kidding [T/N: I think]

Jessie: You must’ve been in Los Angeles.

Rita: Yeah

Jessie: Yeah. No doubt.

Rita: And like mushroom adapt- adaptiens?

Jessie: Was it nice?

Rita: Is that what they call them?

Lennie: Did you have one?

Rita: Um, adaptogens, adaptigens?

Jessie: Yeah I don’t know but-

Rita: Mushroom adaptogens and I had one and it was like, great, like alcohol but still feeling like I was being healthy.

Lennie: How’d you feel after?

Rita: Great, I mean it wasn’t like psychedelic mushrooms (Lennie: Okay). It was like, uhhh, you know like, uh, Ashwangda and turkeys tail, it’s all these like herbs that are supposed to like help your brain. Lion’s mane, have you ever heard of all of this? (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/drugs/22361-adaptogens)

Jessie: Yes, that’s a mushroom isn’t it?

Rita: Yes, so that’s-

Jessie: I saw a kombucha with that the other day.

Rita: Yeah so they’re all supposed to be really good for you. Um. And I’ve been putting them in my coffee actually and they’ve been great.

Lennie: Ooo!

Jessie: What supplements do you take? (Rita: Everything) What supplements should I be taking?

Rita: I take everything. Everyone that’s gonna listen to this is probably gonna think I’m crazy but I just don’t have time to like get sick so I’m-I’m-I’m like vitamin C every single day, the sort- the-the liquid ones, 2000 milligrams. And then I have mushroom extracts in my coffee, collagen in my coffee, I do hydration in my water, a liter of water a day, and I do that in the morning before I sort of like eat anything. And then I have a broth, I love broth, so I do ginger broth with turmeric and then a side of like, I don’t know, protein or something-

Lennie: God it’s like being on a health a thon.

(laughter)

Rita: I know! People think I’m insane but it’s because it kind of keeps me going but then for dinner I have anything like bread, desserts, steak, fries, ketchup – I’ll do everything so I’ll have like a massive meal for dinner and then I go to sleep and I do that all again.

Jessie: I mean, I’m – I’m with you on all the, I mean I-I kinda take the supplements and I’m just hoping they’re working

Rita: NAD. (https://www.menshealth.com/nutrition/a60332431/nad-supplement-benefits/)

Jessie: NAD, tell me about NAD. (Lennie: Um) Because I was thinking about doing NAD.

Rita: It’s good, I mean I just I’m not a scientist but from what I’ve read it’s really good for your red blood vessels and oxygen (Jessie: okay) and things like that and keeps you really ennnnergized (Jessie: okay). Iron, I do that a lot. Turmeric… I’m actually pretty boring (Jessie: do you-). You know how people think I’m sort of this like crazy party person, I do like to party now but I have to plan it.

Jessie: Yes.

Lennie: Oh, we all do

Rita: Do we?

Jessie: Are we going to party on Sunday evening?

Rita: Yeah, but I have a show on Sun- on Monday in Amsterdam.

Jessie: Oh that’s- (Rita: I know) Unfortunate (Rita: I KNOW!)

Rita: So I have to like leave at 9 am-

Jessie: No, because then we have to be the person that’s like mouthing at the party so we don’t sing otherwise you’d lose your voice.

Rita: Yeah, it’s so hard to party after a show and you have a show the next day. (Jessie: Yeah) Do you?

Jessie: No, it’s work

Lennie: You never party

Jessie & Rita: Oh!

Jessie: Excuse me!

Lennie: You’re so boring!

Lennieaughter

Rita: My thing is “sorraaayyyy”

Lennie: S’alright

Jessie: Um. Pudding. You’ve got a sweet tooth

Rita: Oh can I also add a cacio e pepe to the dinner?

Jessie: yeah, absolutely

Lennie: Oh, uh, yeah

Jessie: Where’d you get your cacio e pepe?

Rita: I just went to the one place down the road in Golberne yesterday actually for my dinner. I had cacio e pepe and a Negroni. So yeah, that’s on the list. Cacio e pepe at Cacciaris (https://cacciaris.co.uk/) (Lennie: okay) on Portabello Road is to die for. And then my pudding, oh, a sticky toffee or a panacotta, um, I am a sweet tooth, like I will have anything, a cheesecake, almond croissant, not cheese-

Lennie: I’d rather have cheese and a big glass of wine

(laughter)

Jessie: You’re seeing the theme.

Lennie & Rita: yeah

Lennie: The theme here

Rita: But I like that to start.

Lennie: Can you still speak Albanian?

Rita: yeah, yeah…

Lennie: Say “Good morning” in Albanian

Rita: Mirëmëngjesi

Lennie: It’s lovely, isn’t it

Rita: Natën e mirë is good night.  Natën e mire. Some people don’t really say lovely, it’s a bit, it’s definitely a bit more punchy than other languages so it’s nice that you’re calling it lovely. I actually learnt it all at home, my parents only spoke Albanian in the house. And-

Lennie: Do they still do that?

Rita: Not as much anymore, but growing up-

Lennie: So when Taika comes they won’t be talking Albanian to you when he- when they think he’s a bit rude or anything.

Rita: No, never, but he actually learnt the language, bless him, he’s so good, not fluently but he kind of knows key words and he tries to talk to them in Albanian and it makes my heart melt! It’s so adorable!

[T/N: Jessie & Lennie indistinct in background, I think Lennie says “makes me love him even more”]

Rita: (fake crying)

Lennie: And what’s “I love you” in Albanian?

Rita: Të dashuroj

Lennie: Well that’s a nice…

Jessie: Të dashuroj ?

Rita: yeah

Jessie: Um, Rita, it’s been so lovely having you, I don’t really want this to end-

Rita: Me neither

Jessie: I’m gonna ask you quick fire round, um, favorite place to go, unless this is gonna mean that everyone goes there (Rita: laughs), uh, New Zealand, LA, London. Your favorite food spots.

Rita: Ooo, (sound effect) duh-duh-duh-duh-

Jessie: Auckland! Sorry, not New Zealand. Auckland, Los Angeles, London.  

Rita: For food?

Jessie: Food.

Rita: Oh, Auckland does do good food. I mean everything is just fresh, the wine, the meat, everything is delicious.

Jessie: Restaurant? Which restaurant?

Rita: (sound effect) fu-fu-fu-fuhhh…oh my goodness! Sighs It’s hard… cause I mean I don’t want to offend them, because I know them now? You know, the owners? (sound effect) kuh-kuh-kuh-kuh- Ahhh! Hold on.

Lennie: Where do you go most often? Near your house. That you bought down the road.

Rita: I’m going to change the territory, just a little. (Jessie: Okay, fine.) Okay, let’s, let’s stick to London, let’s do George’s Fish and Chips. (https://www.instagram.com/georgesportobellofishbar/)

Lennie: Where’s that?

Rita: George’s is on the corner of Golberne and Portobello. To die for.

Jessie: What’s your order?

Rita: I mean, sausage in batter and chips, obvs.

Lennie: Sausage…

Jessie: Obvs? What, at a fish and chips shop and you’re getting- oh, okay

(laughter)

Lennie: Obvs? Well, I don’t need [T/N: I really have no idea what she says here, there’s like 2 words missing] actually

Rita: (laughing) Obvs at the fish and chips shop you’re gonna get sausage in batter. Yeah no

Jessie: What condiments? Just ketchup?

Rita: Ketchup, a bit of barbecue and lots of vinegar.

Jessie: Okay, so that’s George’s. Um, LA? Not fast.

Rita: I think you made the same face. I’m not that fast. Are you?

Jessie: No…

Lennie: It’s not a food hot spot, I don’t think, LA.

Rita: I mean, if anything it’s that sushi place (Jessie: Sushi Park), that Nobu- that new- that Nobu did before- yeah, yeah

Jessie: Oh, um, uh-

Rita: Matsuhitsu

Jessie: Masuhisa

Rita: Matsuhisa. (https://matsuhisabeverlyhills.com/) It’s got very good sushi.

Lennie: Do you like sushi?

Rita: I like it, when I’m kinda, tryna not eat unhealthy, you know, a good sushi-

Lennie: I don’t get it at all, I don’t get it really.

Rita: Really? Do you like ceviche?

Lennie: Yeah

Rita: I love ceviche.

Jessie: I do too.

Lennie: That’s easy to make.

Rita: A nice salad, a nice…my mouth’s already watering thinking about it.

Jessie: That’s good. So are we going to choose one in Auckland or are you too worried because you’re the new- you’re a new resident there (Lennie: She’s a newbie, yeah) and you need to keep everyone happy?

Rita: I think so, just for now

Lennie:  Have you got a New Zealand passport yet?

Rita: I don’t….no, no. British.

Lennie: Just British?

Rita: Yeah.

Lennie: And not…and not Albanian?

Rita: I actually… No, I mean, I haven’t left- I’ve been here since the beginning and so-

Lennie: Okay, so you’re just British.

Rita: Yeah, yeah. I don’t…I’ve just also had a, this is my home, you know? This is kind of where I’ve grown up, where I live, and where I kind of want to live.

Lennie: Where did– where did you get married?

Rita: Actually we got married in LA. (Lennie: And where did you go-) At home. (laughs)

Lennie: At home. And where did you go on honeymoon?

Rita: It was really cute. It was not a lot of people, it felt really nice, it’s just his kids were there, and we actually found somebody that, it’s called Weddings On The Go? [T/N: Possibly https://www.marriagetogo.com/ ? Couldn’t find a company with this name in California]

(laughter)

Lennie: Weddings On The Go….

Jessie: I’m obsessed with the idea of you Googling probably “Quick wedding (Rita: yeah!) on the go”

Lennie: Weddings On The Go, it’s like-

Rita: And she came to the house and-

Lennie: -take away wedding!

Rita: yeah, that’s what it was! She came to the house and did the job and we were married.

Jessie: Oh my god I love you.

Rita: And I think I was like number 17 in her day (Lennie: and did-), cause she, cause she was not like ready to stay, she was just like hurry up and- (Jessie: cool, you’re married) -you’re done, bye, see you later. Can you open the gate? (Jessie: (laughing) the bride!) I was like “okay! Thanks!”

Lennie: And what was the reception?

Rita: We didn’t have one. It was just all at home, and then that was it. And then we just went out and had drinks… laughs.

Jessie: I love that

Lennie: And then honeymoon?

Rita: We didn’t have one, we went straight back to work, really.

Lennie: Have you had one?

Rita: No, thinking about it, no!

Jessie: Do you want one?

Lennie: She needs a honeymoon.

Rita: I think I need a honeymoon!

Jessie: You fucking need a bloody yea- you need a sabbatical though!

Rita: (laughs) I love you! I will, eventually.

Jessie: Um, last question. (Rita: yeah) A nostalgic taste or smell that can transport you back somewhere?

Rita: Uh, pancakes. But not the American thick pancakes. (Lennie: So-) Almost like the crepe like pancakes. Those are the pancakes my mum made growing up.

Lennie: And what did you have on them? Lemon and sugar?

Rita: I would- No, it was- it’s actually a mix of sweet and savory so I would have lemon and sugar, or jam, and then I would have like that red ajvar sort of sauce with a side of like white cheese, um, and so it’d be more like a salty dish. But they were thin, they weren’t like thick pancakes so they were like crepe-like pancakes.

Jessie: Yeah, sounds delicious.

Rita: And she’d make them from scratch, so there was like no solu- like she’d do it all, the batter and everything. And it’s the best. Thee best.

Jessie: Maybe you should get your mum to make that for dins tonight.

Rita: You know how everyone says their mum is their favorite cook? (Jessie: Is she your fave?) But she really is my favorite. Do you- Is your mum your favorite?

Jessie: ….y-

Lennie: …not really

(laughter)

Lennie: Jessie’s very critical – Jessie always-

Jessie: No, I-I-I love your cooking. We all do. The nation.

Rita: Really? Have I started something?

Jessie: No, no, we love it

Lennie: I can cook!

Jessie: She can cook.

Lennie: Yeah

Rita: Oh I can imagine

Lennie: Jessie-

Jessie: She can whip things up as well, like I’ll never forget (Rita: Yeah), um, my sister’s about to have a baby but (Rita: aww) like she, and she, and I was like “let mum at the kitchen” so I remember there was this one night, I think it was the first baby that I had and I was so tired and mum just made this like delicious slow cooked lamb, kind of- (Rita: gasps, yum), pearl barley I think it was a Northern Ireland [T/N: this is my best guess, please correct me if you know what she says here] thing but I just remember it feeling so nourishing and like she’d made it and it was like the smells of her cooking and me, like, trying to work out how to, like, look after a baby (Lennie: oh good) and I very much appreciated it.

Rita: Was it a pressure cooker that you used?

Jessie & Lennie: No

Rita: Do you put it just-

Lennie: I have got a pressure cooker-

Jessie: Have you got, uh-

Lennie: -but I’ve barely had to use it.

Rita: I’m new to the pressure life, and I love it/

Jessie: Have you got an air fryer?

Rita: I just got one as well last year.

Jessie: And how are you finding this?

Rita: I love it. I think it’s so good for the step kids, like I literally put everything in the air fryer, and they love it. I mean, again, because I just give them whatever they want, if they want fish fingers or whatever I’m like “yeah!” And so then I just put everything in the air fryer.

Lennie: Do you like karaoke?

Rita: Yeah!

Lennie: I love it but Jessie hates it. She says that singers generally don’t like it.

Rita: I mean I wouldn’t go and sing seriously on- at the- (Lennie: ‘course you wouldn’t, what’s your song?)

Jessie: What would be your selection?

Rita: But then I can’t not sing seriously when you like have the mic and then I’m like “wha-alright, fine I’ll just sing it”

Lennie: So which song would you sing?

Rita: Well, Dancing Queen. I’m actually going to sing that on Sunday.

(gasps)

Jessie: That’s gonna go great down.

Rita: But I’m doing like a slow, lovely kind of version of it.

Jessie: But that sounds great!

Lennie: How fun!

Rita: But ABBA’s just always like my fave.

Lennie: Have you seen the ABBA thing?

Rita: No, I haven’t actually had time-

Jessie: Do that with Taika! It’s so good!

Lennie: Oh my gosh it’s so amazing.

Rita: I heard it’s amazing.

Jessie: Babe, it’s amazing.

Lennie: You think they’re there.

Rita: No way!

Lennie: You do, you actually can’t believe they’re not there.

Jessie: It’s really- you’ll love it

Rita: I love that! (Lennie: It’s fantastic) Did you guys go together?

Jessie: Yeah, we did.

Lennie: We all went, didn’t we? It was fantastic.

Jessie: It’s really good, you’d love it.

Rita: I love you guys (Jessie: Rita, you’re fabulous) but you really made my day cause I love this show and I always laugh when I watch you guys and-

Jessie: Thank you babes.

Rita: The quick little arguments you have in between the interviews really make me laugh.

Jessie: We’ve been really well behaved today.

Lennie: Yeah, we have.

Rita: I wouldn’t say arguments, I would say, debates, let’s re-

Lennie: I think we’ve been really quiet

Jessie: We’ve really, we’ve really held back

Rita: Maybe I’ve just talked.

Jessie: No!

Lennie: No you haven’t.

Jessie: No, no.

Rita: I’ll see you guys on Sunday!

Jessie: Yeah we’ll see you again.

Rita: Also if you don’t have any space to be out on her stage-

Lennie: I’ll come over to your’s Ritaita!

Rita: -You always have a spot on mine.

Lennie: Thank you, darling.

Jessie: Thanks Rita.

Rita: I love you guys, thanks for having me!

Jessie: Thank you!

Rita: Yay!

---

Jessie: Mum, didn’t I tell you that you’d love Rita Ora?

Lennie: Absolutely adorable.

Jessie: And she even offered up her husband to you on Sunday at Hoopla!

Lennie: That is the best thing (Jessie: (laughs)) about the whole podcast today, that I’m going to get to meet him.

Jessie: I love Rita, she is incredibly generous and sweet and she is very open.

Lennie: Very, very warm.

Jessie: She’s really – she was really enjoying herself.

Lennie: Good. I think the picky bits worked.

Jessie: Picky bits was perfect. (Lennie: yeah) She was thrilled. Well done, mum. She loves you.

Lennie: I love her.

Jessie: Maybe you’ll be modeling in the next Rita Ora Primark campaign, I don’t know!

Lennie: What’s- what are the Rita Ora fans called?

Jessie: Ritabots

Lennie: I think I’m a Ritaibt now.

Jessie: You’re a Ritabot.

Lennie: Yeah

Jessie: Thank you so much to Rita Ora, her new single “Ask and You Shall Receive” is out now, this is coming out after but maybe you enjoyed her show at Hoopla and uh she’s just a busy bee doing everything.

Lennie: I just don’t know how it would be to move around so much. You wouldn’t know where you were waking up. Do you know what I mean? It’s like when we got back from LA, Jessie, I woke up one day and I thought I was in Belly’s house in Malibu and went the wrong way to the loo from my bedroom. And can you imagine what she’s like? She wouldn’t know where she is.

Jessie: I’m surprised she doesn’t have bumps all on her arms and on her head Mum! [T/N: This sentence was rough and I’m probably missing a few words but this is clearly the sentiment.]

Lennie: I know. She’s never in one place for very long, is she?

Jessie: Maybe we all need to start having lion’s mane (Lennie: yeah) and turmeric broth so I can see you doing that, right up your street mum. Um, but anyway we will see you next week but thank you so much Rita, the single, the new single “Ask and You Shall Receive” is out now, and yeah, let us know if you saw us at Hoopla at the weekend. Thanks.

[bangtanhoneys]

Well, the secret's out - Grace

When ARMY got the notification that Grace was going live, the app saw the biggest jump in traffic it had seen in awhile. The news was spread on Twitter, message apps, Tumblr and even TikTok. The reason for the massive buzz was this was the first time Grace would be live after the news of her and Seokjin’s relationship had become public knowledge via BigHit’s confirmation. So many many many fans were wondering if she was going to admit to anything. 

“Hello everyone,” Grace grinned as she adjusted the camera. “I’m in the studio right now as you can see. And yes, I promise I’ve been working on my solo stuff. There’s plenty of news coming soon but I just wanted to come and say hello since it’s been a while.”

The trusty mug of tea was ever present and a couple of snacks. Unbeknownst to ARMY, she had been secretly preparing for her tour as well as a special BTS tribute show that no one knew about apart from the artists that had been selected. Even the artists attending didn’t know she was coming. So many exciting things were coming for everyone to enjoy.

“Noona, how are you doing? You look a bit tired,” Grace read one of the comments. “Thanks very much. I promise I am sleeping but I’m just very busy lately. So many exciting things coming for you guys but you have to wait a bit. My time is coming.”

That sent off a spiral of suggestions with the boy's solo careers thrown in the comments as ARMY begged their Noona for a hint. “Ah sorry everyone, you won’t get any spoilers from me. That’s Namjoons job. But I promise I won’t keep you waiting too long.”

She rested her feet against the desk and pulled the screen a bit closer so she could read the comments. With a bowl of fruit in her lap with a hand holding onto the handle of the mug, she looked the perfect picture of unbothered. Completely unaware of what ARMY was asking for or very aware of what they were asking for, but letting them go for it either way. 

“News? What news?” she asked, popping a strawberry into her mouth. “Is there news?”

Noona! Stop teasing! We all know now!

Seokjin! Come and collect your girl. She’s teasing us. 

Ah she’s learning too much from Yoongi. 

A small grin tugged at the corner of her lips but it soon disappeared, replaced by a ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ look. But it soon went away the moment a name appeared in the comments, causing ARMY and social media to explode.

‘Jagiya, give them what they want. They want all the gossip.’

Jin. 

God damn it.

“Shouldn’t you be training?” she asked, ignoring the comment for a moment to play around in her bowl of fruit as if she was trying to find something. 

‘I have a spare half an hour to come and torment you.’

“Thanks very much,” she sighed and grabbed a handful of grapes. “Okay fine. Gossip. Yes, the truth is out. Seokjin and I have been in a relationship since 2018. We didn’t know quite how to tell you all, the boys found out a lot earlier obviously, but someone leaked the information that I had gone to Seokjin’s ceremony which is for families only. So we had to come out and give the game up.”

She’s said it in such a matter-of-fact way. Like we should have known from the beginning. 

Noona! You can’t just drop that on us like that. 

How did the boys know quicker than us? How did they find out?

‘That’s for another night when we’re all drunk and you can handle the R-rated version.’

“Seokjin! You can’t say things like that! You’ll give the wrong idea!”

‘Wrong idea? I think you’ll find I’m quite correct.’

“ARMY, don’t listen to him. Training has gone to his brain,” Grace sighed as she finished off her bowl of fruit and placed it on the desk along with her mug. He was being such a menace and he could do it within the safe confines of his base without any repercussion from her or the management team. 

Jinnie we need more!

What happened? What’s going on?

OH MY GOD! R-RATED VERSION!

‘Hyung, you can’t just come in and say things like that. Noona has a reputation to protect. She’s Korea’s noona.’ Jimin.

“Listen, both of you go away. It was me and ARMY’s time. I’m here to listen to their issues and worries, not gossip about my life,” Grace groaned into her hands which then sent another spiral of comments. 

But noona, this is important for our health! We need to know more!

When was the first date?

First kiss?

‘First date was at the dorm and first kiss was at the dorm.’

AHHHHH!!!

“Well I don’t need to reveal anything, Seokjin is going to do that for us,” Grace laughed as she threw herself back into her chair as she threw up her arms. “Half an hour better come quickly.”

There was nothing more from Seokjin after that or Jimin, having decided it was better to retreat, so Grace was left alone with ARMY…finally.

“Finally. Anyway, I just wanted to say we were hesitant to reveal anything because we know what the media and everything else is like when it comes to KPop couples so it was trying to find the right time. Of course, anytime we have planned something then something else has happened like COVID, Butter then the military. But of course, we never planned to leave you guys out of it. If anything we wanted you to be included as soon as possible but we all have our insecurities and worries,” Grace explained with a small smile. “But nothing has changed. We’re still Seokjin and Grace, still members of BTS. Still here. Nothing will change.”

What are you planning, noona?

“Many, many things. But now isn’t my time. The boys have so much planned and I can’t wait to see it all. So I want you all to support them first and give everything they do a lot of love like you always do. My time is coming, you just have to be a little patient. But I will see you all, in person, very soon.”

[fuck-customers]

I may or may not have done an oopsie at work by talking back to my boss. Long rant, sorry.

Follow up, I was the anon who sent in a message about how me and another coworker drew pictures for Christmas on our personal work whiteboard and my boss got butthurt over it cause he’s a douche, so I drew a picture of the grinch directed at him.

He sent out a message initially saying the “graffiti” was unacceptable etc and I didn’t respond because either I’d have to A) kiss his ass and lie like a suck up or B) tell him to get fucked . Both of which options didn’t seem viable, so I opted to ignore it.

Cut to today, a few weeks later. I wake up after doing an overnight shift to a message from him. He’s detailing how my close was unacceptable and going off about my coworker drawing on the board, again (said coworker already handed in his letter of resignation last week and so we both decided to just leave it up as somethin of a fuck you cause ya can’t get fired if you quit).

The message was detailing things I’d made sure were done, and prep that wasn’t completed that should’ve been done by the day shift people.

I was half asleep, in a bad mood and sick of months of this crap so I went off. Debated all his points, told him the prep wasn’t my sole responsibility and several things he listed had in fact been done by us. That the day people need to start pulling their weight and this issue of me coming in to nothing done has been ongoing for weeks. I tried to keep civil but made it very apparent he wasn’t going to speak to me like that without getting shit back. I reminded him that majority of my closes are great and I work myself to the fucking bone to make sure the opening people come in to a clean environment (not because I care abt the job, but because I want the opener to have an easy job), but mistakes happen and I don’t want to be constantly under threat of disciplinary action because I’m a fucking tired human being.

He responded with something like “I’ll speak to the day people to let them know this is an issue” to which I said that shouldn’t be the only take away he gets from this, and I don’t want to be constantly worried that if I leave so much as a crumb on the floor I’ll be hunted down over it. Said that behaviour like this is reason my coworker quit and may be the reason I quit as well as they’re already not paying me enough to warrant wanting to keep this job as it stands and I’m over this unhealthy work environment.

He hasn’t responded to that last part yet. Coworker and I are joking that either he’s too stunned that a ‘mere employee’ bit back, or he’s planning to murder me. I know I should be concerned, and the safest course of action would’ve been to bend over backwards going “yes sir, of course sir” but I’m tired of this place and looking to quit anyway and boss is a piece of shit who’s called us employees ‘just numbers’ numerous times, so fuck him anyway. I’ve been so overworked, stressed and burnt out for months now that I’m just unable to feel it anymore.

TLDR; boss tried to berate me through text so I bit back and basically told him to fuck off cause I don’t need this job as much as they need me 🤗

[pokemoncaretips]

( @smol-smoliv )

Hi there! I recently took in a Ditto who followed me home (after I gave it some of my sandwich, in true Paldean fashion). They’re a sweetie, and I’m definitely doing my research, but I’ve never worked with any Pokémon quite like this funny little blob. Do you have any advice?

Sorry for the delay, my inbox is getting quite full and we're in full hatching season over here, so I've been busy.

General notes: The ditto is a famous pokemon, not just for its malleable genetic structure but also the vital role it's played in pokemon conservation. Though prone to being exploited by shady breeders, in caring hands it's been the living breathing heart of captive breeding programs around the globe, saving endangered pokemon from extinction.

General care: The ditto is shockingly easy to care for. It's an omnivore, and eats by engulfing its food like an amoeba. It has a broad range to temperatures it can tolerate and spends much of it's time at rest.

Their skin is very slightly tacky, and has a tendency to pick up dust and debris as it wanders about. Wiping it down with a clean damp cloth is sufficient to deal with this.

You'll need a pretty high tolerance for the uncanny valley, as although the genetic code is perfect, there's always something a little...off about a dittos transformation. Pokemon can't seem to spot it, but humans do, and even an experienced and talented ditto can give a human a mild case of the creeps. This is exacerbated if the ditto hasn't encountered any new pokemon recently, as. Well. Ditto aren't the brightest bulb in the box, and quickly start to forget what the form looked like. It is not uncommon to see a ditto wandering the house shifting randomly between forms, a bizarre and uncanny mix of legs and wings and fur and feathers.

There is a good reason dittophobia is the second most common phobia after arachnophobia.

And yet, despite their creepy appearance, the ditto is the definition of "no thoughts, head empty", a friendly blob of shifting goo that, while not the cuddliest, seems to enjoy being around people.

Ditto sleep in the form of a large rock, and have a bad habit of sleeping wherever they feel tired. Like doorways. Watch your feet unless you want to trip over it.

We do need to address the phanphy in the room. Ditto can breed with everything, but that's no less taxing than it would be for any other pokemon. Laying eggs takes energy. If you plan on using ditto for breeding you'll need to take into account extra food, as well as block out chunks of time where they do no breeding at all to rest. They are not egg factories. They may have blank little faces and approximately one brain cell but they are living creatures and feel pain, exhaustion, hunger and discomfort. I wouldn't recommend more than one clutch of eggs per season.

Ditto have no parental instincts, and in the wild would leave their eggs in other pokemons nests for them to raise. Keep a close eye on them and rescue any eggs they lay before they get cold or broken. Care rating: Green

Training: Though they can use their transformations to fight, ditto really aren't made for it, and given that they aren't too bright, can be out maneuvered well enough. They're happy to roll about the house and melt in sunbeams. You can use a ditto to fight, but it can be frustrating. They're better as house pokemon.

As house pets, they do learn commands and rules, but it can take time for them to sink in. Once it does, though, they stick. Which can make adopting a rescue ditto a bit difficult, as it will need to relearn the new households rhythm's. Training rating: Green.

Safety: Though ditto can badly frighten people, there have been zero recorded reports of a ditto causing physical harm besides being a tripping hazard. They have no natural teeth, claws or acid. Many children with dittos will use them like silly putty and rub them on comic strips to transfer the ink. This is harmless for both parties. It's a mellow little guy. Safety rating: Green

Overall ranking. A quiet little pokemon with no threats behind it, though it's best kept by people with a good tolerance for mild body horror.

[cosmiccomet-ari]

I’m writing this here cause I don’t know what to do or where to go to talk about this, cause therapy hasn’t worked and I’m not sure what else to do. I feel like dating is impossible nowadays for me, I want so desperately to be someone’s someone. Not because I think I need to be with someone to be successful, no, but rather I am overwhelmingly lonely, and have been quite lonely for the 23 years I’ve been alive for.

Making connections is so hard. I don’t understand how someone can just see someone and walk up to them and start trying to get to know them. I feel as though it’s rude to do such a thing without being invited to speak first, maybe that has to do with some sort of trauma I’ve experience but still. I feel like I can’t get out of the house and talk to people without someone to help me. I currently only have 1 singular in-person friend, and they have offered many times to try and help me by taking me out to social events that I otherwise wouldn’t be able to go to on my own due to anxiety. But every single time, without fail, the plans get cancelled. I’m so tired of looking forward to things that won’t happen.

Not to mention, even if I did start talking to someone, if we don’t share any common interests then I struggle to make any sort of meaningful connection. I feel as though my interests are so niche that it severely limits who I can make a connection with. It doesn’t help either that I’m a trans woman, I feel as though it’s so much harder dating trans simply because you have to hope the other person will accept you, and see you how you want to be seen, which feels a bit rare.

Dating apps don’t work either, all they’ve done so far is make me realize how incredibly picky I am. And the few matches I have had have all hurt me in some way. Hitting it off but then getting ghosted. Flirting for a while before suddenly being like “sorry I’m dating someone now btw”. And the onlyother people who have shown an interest on those apps are people out of my age range as well as men. (Nothing against men, I’m just a lesbian, and it says so in my dating profile more than once.)

I feel so lost, I feel like every time I develop feelings for someone it’s never reciprocated. All I want is for someone to hold me, and tell me I’m pretty, and be generally warm and affectionate with me. But it feels like asking for just that is asking for too much. Being asexual doesn’t help with that either, since so many people love sexual stuff. I feel invisible, not worth anyone’s time because I feel like I don’t have anything anybody wants.

I don’t want to be alone anymore, but I don’t know how I could possibly fix that. Or how someone could feasibly like me for me. I’ve only ever had two relationships and ended up getting used both times, both being very one sided.

I am afraid I’ll be alone forever, I won’t be able to be with anyone cause my needs are so specific and niche that it feels as though nobody could ever be a good fit. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone forever...

[tacittherapist]

Lalonde Live: Episode 2

Hello Paradox Space! I’m Rose Lalonde, and welcome to the second episode of Lalonde Live. On this show, we interview various Paradox Space denizens and ask them deep, provocative questions about various topics. By which I mean this is a convenient excuse to have people over and make conversation. Tonight’s guest: Jade Curie Harley! (@greensungnostic)

[There’s a raucous noise from a nearby band of salamanders and newts. They have no idea how to play the instruments they’ve been given.]

ROSE: How are you, Jade? How was the flight in? JADE: hi rose, miss radio lady! the flight in from across the ship went well, but boy are my arms tired!! heeheehee... ROSE: Haha, lovely as always, Miss Harley. So Jade, do you mind if I call you Jade? Jade, tell me, how long have you been voyaging on this magnificent ship here? JADE: jade is just fine! gosh, ummm... well, due to the nature of paradox space having some wobbly temporospatial elements, its hard to say exactly, but lets put it at... jeez, a bit over a decade! ROSE: Incredible, that takes some perseverance. Just how big is this ship, anyway? I'd wager smaller than a deluxe cruise liner, right? Perhaps a caravel class? Or a battleship? JADE: well, originally it was a carapacian-made battleship from prospit, though i actually upscaled it a good bit with my powers to make beautifying it easier and have more space to work with! ROSE: It does seem like something from a fantastical storybook -- not fantastic, mind you, fantastical. Now Jade, I've heard rumors that this ship's course has changed recently, is that true? JADE: i tried to give it a nice spacious fantastical feel where anyone can find a spot they find cozy :) JADE: oh! yes uhm, weve been searching for ages for the missing members of our session, so we can reunite with our friends, and it sounds like maybe we have finally found them...?? ROSE: Wow! That sounds like a reunion for the ages. Obviously I know -- you know -- both of us know -- we all know who those friends are, but could you list them for the folks back home? JADE: (rose, who exactly is our audience again here?) gosh uhm, theres a lot! our contact is with one karkat vantas, theres a strider who very well may be named dove, theres terezi pyrope and vriska serket, there... MIGHT? be a gamzee makara, and... uhm, theres kanaya maryam ROSE: An all-star cast! You must be excited to meet up with them, hm? JADE: of course! if i wasnt eager to see my friends again i would not have spent all this time looking for them all! ROSE: You know, after all this time it might be hard to remember some details so... mind regaling us with your fondest memory of each of them? JADE: gosh thats a long list of people, but i will try! where would you like me to start?? ROSE: Top to bottom's just fine. Karkat, D. Strider, Terezi, Vriska, (tentatively) Gamzee, and then Kanaya, please. JADE: hmm, well... karkat and i never got on the best, but it was always funny reading the crabby getting crabby and stumbling around over passwords while trying to avoid causal spoilers or temporal shenanigans! JADE: strider, we always used to goof around talking about the silliest things, and sometimes we would send each other music the other made to listen and remix them! but our whole base friend group did that, heheh JADE: terezi is a pest but i mean that affectionately! she liked to bug me and pick at me and the rest of us, but under all the menace i think she is good :) JADE: vriska is a butt who i am pretty sure caused me to have narcolepsy, but she could also he kind of cool sometimes! she didnt talk to me as much as others though... JADE: gamzee... uhm. can i pass on this one and just say that kanaya always seemed really nice and like i wanted to compare gardens with her and talk about space and art and things like that?? ROSE: Aha, that's quite a collection of memories! I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm sure excited to see what happens at this reunion. Maybe we'll get to see a bit of that famous Harley-Vantas bickering in the flesh? Now, are there any special considerations you've taken as you get closer and closer to their coordinates? JADE: well um... it sounds like they have been eating pretty poorly for a while and probably are super fed up with their current accommodations, so i made sure that plenty of food is ready for them, starting with simpler things to help them get used to proper stuff again, then more complex and nutritious things afterwards! also plenty of space to deck out for themselves, and... well, im ready to get either yelled at or hugged or whatever else as the case may be :x ROSE: A bit like waiting for your marks after a test, right? Aha, so. What's next for Jade Harley and her ship of dreams after the reunion? JADE: well, it will be a big step towards being able to work towards finally finishing sburb, though our journey is not over yet! there are still three people to collect at least, from our scratched counterpart timeline! and possibly a fourth! we have one at least, but we need the rest of our dancestors and some of their materials to be able to finish still! ROSE: Fascinating stuff. Who are those people, exactly? (For those of you at home, these are our counterparts made of a different combination of the same ectoslime that made us.) JADE: well we already have jane crocker! we revived her out of a dream bubble after things went south, but she would have to fill you in on the details! we are still missing dirk, who is doves sibling/parent/sibling/offspring, uhhh jake who is my kid grandpa and also my childhood penpal, and roxy who is your mom-daughter, love... im sure this wont get confusing! JADE: and i hear there is a chaaaance we might wind up picking up a cherub girl named callie? ive met versions of her, she is very nice :) ROSE: My my, care not to tease our poor audience back at home, dear! There are only so many names you can drop before this becomes a marketing ploy. ROSE: Now, this one might be a bit difficult, but: what has been your biggest challenge thus far? JADE: jeez thats.... a tough question, rose! uhm.... loneliness? worry that we might never find them, or that they didnt want to be found or wouldnt care anymore when we did or be mad that the original meeting didn't work right or that they were somehow just all gone.... ROSE: Wow... you heard it here first, my friends. Jade Curie Harley: part dog, part god... all human. Don't worry Jade, I know we'll be rooting for you, isn't that right Casey and the Crew?

[There's a mis-timed rimshot from the band.]

ROSE: Now, before we go, I have just one last question. Is there anything... you have to say to the folks at home and our lovely studio audience?

[She gestures to the rest of the living room, their assortment of Squiddles sitting on cushions facing them. There's a burp from the consorts nearby, and a random snare drum beat.]

JADE: uhhmm... lets see. remember to be kind to yourself and others, that there is always something worth fighting for, and most importantly.... awoooooooooooooooooooo!!! ROSE: Awwwoooooooooooooo!! Aha, thank you so much, Jade, for being here with us tonight. A big round of applause for her, everyone!

[espresso-lessdepresso]

HEYYYYY GIRL!!!!! its me anon sofi after SO LONG, I’ve already finished my first semester so I just started winter vacations yeyy (bc here in Argentina is winter and super cold lmao) sososo I’m going to catch up with everything you’ve written and cheer you on. Let me tell this month was SO stressful, with finals and all, but thank god I got the best grades (your girl is smart, got a total of 9,5 this semester（＾ν＾) ). Still, im very tired BUT I got the best writer in the world in front of me who put out a fic while I was gone, which means I’m gonna get relaxed and read it cause I know it’s going to be the very best ever. Now lets stop talking about me and TELL ME ABOUT YOU!!!! How’s your day?? How are you?? What are you up to??? Have you listened to a new song or discovered a new artist??? Watched a good movie recently?? Tell me everything and anything. I’ll read allll of it, even if it’s 15k words, I’ll take my time and read every single letter. You’re amazing and it makes so happy seeing so content and energetic, you have no idea. Remember to take care of yourself, stay safe and ilysmmmmm. Sending you goodie vibes all the way from here to wherever you are (⌒▽⌒) ♡

Helloooo anon soffiiii ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

This is going to be a bit of a long one~

 It has indeed been a very long time since we last talked!!! [though much to my fault I've not been good at answering at the moment] I hope your vacations go well and that you’ve got some fun plans for the winter [which I should add is the best season in my opinion]. I'm a big soup enjoyer so I hope you get some good soup in your system to keep you warm. 

I have not written much since my ‘return’ [if can even call it that], but I hope you enjoy it. There is a very late Valentine’s Day post with schlatt, a part two of the Charlie fic and two Ted headcanons [head canons, me doing hcs? crazy. maybe I might get into it].

Im assuming that the 9.5 is out of a whole marking of 10? I’m thoroughly impressed just have to say, you are indeed a very smart girl, especially in college since many [including me] are just trying to get by with passing grades. It’s nice to see when someone works hard and gets the fruit of their labour- you did amazing, proud of you dude ☆ദി ᷇ᵕ ᷆ )☆

As for me, I find myself still getting back into writing, like im walking up a steep hill to get back to where I used to be. I don’t know, I feel like I’m not writing the same as I used to but maybe that’s all in my head. Fun fact, I often read a lot before I write- sure I may only read horror, but it helps get the brain juices flowing. I’ve been pretty occupied with personal stuff and college and my brain not braining, which isn’t super fun to talk about so I’ll just skip that. Other than that, I’ve been playing quite a few games when I’m in the need to procrastinate. My goodness- I’ve had sessions where I play for 8-ish hours straight of Terraria or Stardew Valley. It’s not the healthiest, I know, my discord buddies have given me earfuls and many scolding as if I were a little child because of this (ᐡ ᐧ ﻌ ᐧ ᐡ) But in my defence, it’s so easy for me to play for hours because I have some Jaiden or Schlatt vod playing on another screen so the vibes of that gaming sessions are immaculate. I sit on the chair with my little blanket, water and a snack, one earphone playing the game sounds and the other is playing the vod, the lights are dim and everything is so cozy. 

Oh, I’ve also been drinking these days. I never thought of touching alcohol in my entire life but here I am. I’ve been occasionally drinking some whiskey, which is considered a big boy drink for someone like me, a noob. But that is the only alcohol I can get my hands on. My mother does not know of my drinking and is promptly against it so I have been very careful with how much I drink. I do not condone drinking btw. I simply feel very silly when I do. Here is a little breakdown of how drinking affects me. When I’m two shots in, I start feeling it pretty quick. I drink between 5 to 10 shots and the way it affects me is by giving me a debuff of movement accuracy. Being a very articulate person, I have not been slurring when drunk. But I am walking a little silly lol, and swaying a little. Does this make me a lightweight? I have no frame of reference. But yeah, I think that was the most interesting and/or significant thing I’ve done.

It's always a pleasure hearing from you, our interactions are nothing less than sweet and its always welcomed. I hope you enjoy your vacation. Remember to take care of yourself and stay safe as well! Sending all the good vibes back to you ♡♡♡ ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡♡♡



[This is an answer to an old ask, written 8th April ( ˊᵕˋ ; ) I did not send it back then bc my brain was, unfortunately, giving me a hard time] 

I hope you're doing well. I read your post asks (which was so so long ago im so sorry) and I hope you've found a new apartment. Since you mentioned Argentina's summer being so suffocatingly hot, you should be drinking ample amounts of water throughout the day. Where I live, it gets ridiculously dry and hot during the summer, so I keep quite a few bottles of water near my desk. Being in college myself, third year for me, trying to stay on top of all my classes is difficult but so rewarding at the same time. Almost too many people have said this but it's true, time management is everything. And of course, giving yourself breaks is important as well to not burn yourself out. You have truly been so sweet to me, even when I have failed to write and post anything for months, so I thank you very much. It is hard to come by such kindness on the internet.

[spinningbuster98]

Ok so here’s finally my thoughts on Silent Hill 2 @colony-drop-program

So I think I’ll start with the obvious: this game has an incredible aesthetic and atmosphere

The character models are very good for a 2001 PS2 game, not the best mind you (I still think the character models of MGS2 which came out the same year are more impressive, if a little Barbie faced) but they’re animated pretty damn well and go a long way in giving the characters life and expressions

But most of all I love the overall texture work, the environment look remarkably rusty, worn down and creepy, they look like something out of a late ps2 game, not early.

But the cherry on top is the lighting: this game might just have the best shadows I’ve seen, the way your flashlights barely lights up the hallways, and the way it creates dynamic shadows is not only really impressive but really adds to the creepy and oppressive atmosphere. Love it!

The level design of the “dungeons” is technically not too different from the first game’s, so most of its positives and negatives still stand, though this game does generally a better job at making each place more memorable thanks to its gimmicks, be it the Hospital switching over to the Otherworld halfway through, the Prison and its “holes” that you have to jump into that may symbolize James’ suicidal tendencies, or the Hotel and that brief moment where you have to go without any items and of course when it gets all watered-up after the “reveal”, combined with that droning music which all combines to perfectly represent James’ mental state at that moment.

The town itself is both better and worse than in the original

It’s better because it’s scaled down meaning much less back and forth

It’s worse....because it’s scaled down meaning it’s also less interesting, plus you get tired after running for a while causing you to slow down and I fucking despised that because it’s completely useless, it’s not like there are any monsters that can outrun you so it only worsens the pacing and further discourages exploring the town!

There are quite a few gameplay tweaks that I appreciated: the game allowing you to choose a Riddle Difficulty level is amazing and honsetly all puzzle based games should have something like this, plus I found the puzzles here, even on normal, to be more “balanced” when compared to the first one’s, with a few exceptions (fucking cans to throw in that trash chute in the apartement, I thought they were a healing item).

I love how all the hints are saved in the Memo section of the menu

I also noticed that the controls are generally more responsive

However despite all this many of my issues with the first game are still present, namely that the game is excessively generous with resources and that the enemies are usually too easy to take down or avoid, which is not good for a horror game that is supposed to keep player tension high. I maintain that the game’s sheer atmosphere is enough to create great tension on a first playthrough, but on a second one (which I did) it starts to lose its luster and the basicness of the gameplay rears its head.

I was also a bit disappointed with the Otherworld here, I know that the look of the previous game’s Otherworld couldn’t have been reused, as Alessa is nowhere to be seen and James’ mind is far different from hers, but it’s nowhere near as striking as previously, to the point that I sometimes didn’t even noticed I was in the Otherworld! To be fair it’s not a big issue as the game’s basic atmosphere is just that strong but still, bit of a missed opportunity

I also noticed that the map is more....inconsistnent? Like before it marks every door you can and can’t open and the locations of....some puzz tensionles, not all of them which tripped me up on some occasions.

I guess the last gameplay related thing I wanted to talk about is Pyramid Head

Now I like him for his concept, a manifestation of James’ guilt and subconscious desire for punishment. His design has me....mixed? It’s certainly iconic and striking but, symbolism aside, he’s still a dude with a big-ass pyramid on his head weighing him down and I can’t help but find it hilarious XD

But on the gameplay side of things....ngl I thought he was kinda weak sauce

The reason is pretty much the usual: he’s simply not dangerous enough, he’s really slow and has a hard time catching you (the only time he got me a gameover was during the hospital chase sequence but only because I thought he was coming from in front of me, causing me to turn back, run into him and I accidentally got Maria killed because of it. But on my second attempt i simply...ran ahead without stopping....and that’s it), his attacks do more damage than those of normal enemies but that’s no biggie because I’ve got a few dozen health items with me, and it’s usually pretty easy to get around him during his sequences (mainly in the prison). He’s sort of the biggest example of what I said last time about the game’s gameplay tension not matching up with its atmospheric tension. Tbf this may all be much better on hard mode but on normal this was a tad disappointing

I wanted to make a comparison to show you what I mean by all of this. Now the first comparison that most would make would be with Nemesis from RE3, but I thought a more interesting comparison would be with this little bundle of joy:

Say hello to the SA-X from Metroid Fusion.

The SA-X is this game’s take on the persuing monster archetype, an shapeshifting parasite that has robbed Samus of her best weapons and armor and is now stalking her while using her appearence. It’s very similar to Pyramid Head in the sense that it’s invinvcible and you meet it during scripted sequences where you have no choice but to run away, and in this sense it shares many of its issues, namely that due to its scripted nature it’s only gonna catch you by surprise on a first playthrough, and its AI can sometimes be a little...

However I believe that it overall does its job more efficiently because it’s....simply far more dangerous than Pyramid Head. The SA-X is fast, in fact it WILL outrun you in 2 seconds if it spots you, it’s jumping attack can damage you, it can shoot you from off screen and THROUGH WALLS, and you can only hold it off by freezing it, though that only lasts a second, and it will also chase you through multiple (scripted) rooms.

The SA-X works better than Pyramid Head in this role because it literally outclasses you in every category, meaning if it spots you there is a really high probability of death, and while your first encounters with its are pretty easy if you just stay put and wait for you to leave, later on the game throws you into brief platforming areas that you have to go through WHILE it’s chasing you, so no “running in a straight line to safety” like that Hospital sequence.

Phew...ok I think I’ll stop here for now and cover the plot in another post since this one has gone on long enough I think XD

Well I hope you find my thoughts so far at least interesting :)

[laminy]

Hallo, hope you had a good week and have a good weekend (which is right around the corner, thank fuck lol). Any plans for the upcoming weekend? 

I took quite the break from reading ITBASM since things were just so much, tons of stuff happened and life life-d hard on me and I didn’t want to read your fic with a half-on brain, or write to you a half-assed message about your lovely work, so I just took a break. But I’m getting back into it and I wanted to say how much I envy and enjoy your writing. 

I’ve never been a fan of writing that had giant paragraphs, the dialogue isn’t understandable or remotely realistic (sometimes that part doesn’t always bother me, just depends I guess lol), or that a storyline is written in a way that makes it sound like a poem every other paragraph. I got nothing against those sort of fics or writing styles, it’s just hard on my English 💀

I truly enjoy reading your stuff because the writing is so easy to understand but it’s not bland or boring, it has tons of intricate details without being all morsecode-y. And I think I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, the plot is just awesome and I will always love found family moments and everything. You pace your stories along nicely and I admire that tons (as someone who kinda sucks at pacing ‘cause I just want action)!

You might think I’m over exaggerating when I say this, but you’re a pretty big inspiration for me, I’ve been in a writing slump for a little bit and haven’t been able to write anything decent lately, but anytime in the past, and again now, you’ve talked about your work and I see how your work and stories progress, it really does motivate me to at least try to write, even if it’s ass 💀 Reading your stuff, especially reading ITBASM, gives me all the good vibes.

(Also, on another note, I read your play the game fic although I’m not sure if I mentioned that before (hopefully I’m not repeating myself 💀), but anyways, I also enjoyed that one tons, even though I’m not a huge baseball fan, and I don’t know much about how it works. I loved how their dynamics changed throughout the fic, starting off hating each other to a sort of “denial” type of feeling (maybe?? it’s been a little since I last read it), to lovers lol. It was a fun read!)

Anyways, that was just a small part of me ranting about how great of a writer you are, and trust me… I’ve seen tons of authors and fanfic writers who lack what you excel at. Also, how’s your original story going? I was thinking about it recently lol, popped into my head while doing some paperwork. Again, hope you’re doing good and take care this weekend!

Hello! always so lovely to see messages from you!

Yes, I have a four-day weekend, so I'll go to the cinema today and then tomorrow I'm going to visit a friend and spending the night at their house just to hang out. she has a two young kids and it takes me a two hours to get there so I only go a couple times a year.

You have no idea how kind and inspiring and lovely this is! I really, really, really appreciate it. Always write! Write anything! Write for yourself, that's the most important bit. I think you're awesome. And it means a lot that you would be so nice, thank you.

I am on the third draft of my original story. The second draft was a lot better than the first, for sure, but the third act really wasn't doing it for me, I hated it so much, story and pacing wise, so a lot of this draft is going to be quite different. But I'm hoping that by the end of this one, I'll have a story that only needs an edit, not one that needs another rewrite. I am simultaneously enjoying it while also being very tired of it.

I hope you're well, please have a good weekend and take care!!

[gooeyotter]

no time left to spend or give (7/29/2024)

Good morning, fellow earthling.

It's a bit of a joke to be saying "good morning" at almost 2 AM as of writing this, but that's how the universe rolls sometimes. I didn't officially "wake up" until after 11 PM, you see. On the night of July 26, I lay in bed for over twelve hours, my mind a chaotic tumbleweed of existential dread and swirling thoughts. My brain felt like a corporate office gone rogue, with every thought a misplaced memo. I suspect the root of this madness might be my recent weed habits—or lack thereof. For two weeks, I had been dosing myself with 25 to 50 mg of THC gummies to numb the relentless ache of a back injury from my day job (well technically I work the night shift, but you're not here for semantics). The first sober night in ages turned my brain into a nonstop ferris wheel of anxiety. I finally crashed around 1:30 PM on July 27, which meant I didn't rise until about 9 PM. Those sleepless hours of mind-wandering and needing to get my thoughts out were the catalyst for this very blog, so there’s some Mundane Supernova lore for you.

The catch? I was exhausted but not quite tired enough to fall back asleep. I had to leave the house before 10 AM on July 28 to catch Deadpool & Wolverine at the AMC with my boyfriend, his dad, and his brothers. By the time I staggered back home around 2 PM, I was so drained I fell into a deep, all-consuming slumber. And now it's Monday, I have to work tonight, and my sleep schedule is a glorious mess. It’s not the first time I’ve turned my life into a sleep-deprivation circus, and it certainly won’t be the last. That’s just my cross to bear.

Anyway, about an hour ago, I was lounging on the backyard patio, jamming out to my phone while waiting for my sweet potato fries to finish in the air fryer. The song Diplomat by Swimming With Dolphins came on. If you haven't checked out this band, I highly recommend it. Even if some of their tracks veer into a bit of religious preaching, their music has that same ethereal, dreamy vibe as Owl City. Fun fact: Adam Young of Owl City helped kickstart the band, though I don't think he's involved anymore.

Diplomat is an anthem for the overworked and underfulfilled. It’s about a high-flying businessman feeling crushed by the corporate grind. The chorus go:

"I'm trying to find the means to living more passionately Cause I'm not who I wanna be Buried in routines, I don't care what happens to me I just gotta get free"

It struck a chord with me, making me reflect on my own workplace ambitions. Like many fellow leftists, I think it’s high time America rethinks its work culture. Living costs have skyrocketed, even in my small state of Oklahoma. It’s downright nauseating. We’re trapped in a reality where an average blue-collar worker like me must either endure endless overtime or juggle a second job just to keep afloat. I’m fortunate to work for a company I actually enjoy, with coworkers who feel like family. But even with a decent $22/hour wage, I’m still scrambling to cover bills. What’s a soul to do? I could dive into even more debt with going back to college or trade school, but high-paying jobs aren’t a given. I could seek another job, but I already sit at the top tier of blue-collar pay in this city. More overtime? Just a band-aid on a gaping wound. As the opening line of Diplomat laments:

"Live to work, work to live No time left to spend or give"

It’s frustrating and disheartening, reflecting on what this says about us as a nation and a culture. I’ve got plenty more to say on this topic, and I’ll dive deeper into my work history in a future entry, explaining why, despite everything, I prefer the gritty reality of blue-collar work over the sterile confines of office life.

Until then, hang in there. Take your PTO, use your sick days, and don’t let your boss dictate your existence.

♡ Nova