#i’ve been in fucking. agony | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shuckstruck · 1 year ago

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i would rly rly rly Really like to find my wrist/thumb brace tomorrow

#rumbles #i’ve been in fucking. agony #work video games texting scrolling drawing dms chatting #everything. my whole hand is fucked #i don’t know where i put the damn thing. it hurts so bad #also talked to my mom about when we should put Siri down #how we both know he won’t go on his own #how neither of us think he’ll decide on his own #like my good old jackson #i’d give anything not to choose when that is #anyways. don’t talk to me about that part yet. sorry for the tag rant #this is bad for my hand too but i can’t help myself

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anabetel35 · 5 months ago

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familiar, familiar sparks

A few alt versions

#ninjago #fanart #lego ninjago #ninjago fanart #jay walker #ninjago jay #A quick lil colored doodle thing :)#I’ll be honest with you guys I’ve never been a Jay girlie but the sheer potential that this man has in DR is INSANE!#all of the missing pieces…. All of that sadness and joy and grief and love and agony with no origin and no release….#Can’t wait for him to be at least a little fucked up. At least for the tournament. Can’t wait for a Cole vs. Jay rematch with parallels to #S4. Can’t wait for the tragic Jaya fight. I’m sure that all of that will be in DRS2p2 obviously.

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malinaa · 1 year ago

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I NEED TO WRITE SO BADLY [RATTLES THE BARS OF MY CAGE] LET ME WRITE LET ME WRITE

#CANT WRITE. CANT READ. CANT WATCH A SINGLE THING. IM IN AGONY #tbt #text #tais toi lys #all i’ve been doing is listening to the same songs on repeat and avoiding putting my laundry away #haven’t written since mid September #god i fucking loathe fall btw #*

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surrealsunset · 9 months ago

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the sun always shines on TV

#hello charlotte #vent art #charlotte wiltshire #q84 #charlotte q84 #basically. this song is like. a microcosm of. what hello charlotte is to me #the music video especially gets the point across really well #it’s like i just don’t fucking know what’s real or not #i love so blindly with no direction but i do love and that’s what confuses and scares me #i have these…. masks. that’s all this is is masks. masking. performance #it is real. but it is also fake. and it’s so hard. it’s so fucking hard wearing a mask all the time #because i can’t take it off. i can’t. that’s why i love q84 so profoundly #the mask took over her fucking life. she has no idea who she is anymore #she was never someone who hurt people and now she is and she is FUUUCKED UP about it #but she’s too isolated and alone and unwilling to listen and proud to stop the hurt or the doomspiral or any of it #i feel like that. this gets at a profound generational scream of agony i feel from everyone around me #we’re just scared. we’re all scared. we are all mourning the loss of our sanity and begging for answers and nothing is working #something. idk #i’ve been thinking about this a lot clearly gkshf #it’s just… i just. i want a hug. i just want to hug a lot. that’s all. i think all we fucking want is a fucking hug. for god’s sKe

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raspberrybluejeans · 5 months ago

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i would give anything to be able to eat ice cream without fear again

#i’ve been lactose intolerant for a long time #but i used to be able to power through it #or like take those pills and have it be manageable #but it just got to a point where i was SO sick #like on the verge of passing out agony #so i had to stop.#but i miss ice cream so fucking much #ograt

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bibleofficial · 1 month ago

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ok so man that i hooked up w like 2 weeks ago that i wanted to see for like dates: cancelled. i’m bored of him 😭😭😭

#stream #ALKSALKSALKSLAKSLAKSLA #like ok #he needs to let me know like EARLIER than 30 MINUTES BEFORE to see me #& u need to not have like #an hour SHARP to leave like i need more than an hour IF IM HOSTING !!!!! like i want ATTENTION after #+ i would’ve cleaned everything like an insane person #‘like an insane person’ u mean ‘bc ur an insane person’#anyway #i haven’t showered in days bc i’ve been compulsively cleaning until im so exhausted that i just pass out #like literally everyday #but i mean there’s no reason for me to leave the house bc u gotta clean & then i can’t have anyone HERE bc i got SHIT TO CLEAN so they don’t #DIE FROM ILLNESS & DISGUST & MY DIRT (a quarter of a piece of a small leaf that was tracked in at the door)#ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSL but ok what’s so fucking funny is that IF SOMEONE ELSE says like ‘i’m coming over at 5’ & it’s like ‘10a’ i will #LITERALLY get everything done so fucking quick like i will be SONIC & then im right there ready to go like :D #ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLA but if ive to do it for ME irs like wow this is agony im going to die i should kill myself bc ur such a wreck stupid #anyway maybe i should talk to the therapist abt this bc it does Not Seem to Be Healthy #so he will be like ‘we’re going for about 2 tomorrow :)’ at like 1p that day & i agree then he doesn’t message me until like 1 saying ‘i’ll #be free in an hour x’ like #like i sent questions to him like ‘so what do u think abt xyz’ would u do xyz like gaming or whatever u know then he answers them the whole #next day idk it’s like ur literally expecting me to drop everything to suck ur dick for 30 mins & that’s just #it ain’t it #like ALSKALSKLAKSALSLAKSLAKAS at this point i’m just going to block him next time he does that 😭😭😭#probably never going to see him again i’ve never seen him since the first time #literally i was like ‘hey i’ll be free …’ for like 1.5week & then just gave up on that bc he never was or wouldn’t respond until late like #girl …. this is BORING ur DULL u don’t even DO ANYTHING as far as i KNOW 😭😭😭😭 he’s always like ‘at work :)’ ‘watching tv :)’ ‘cooking :)’#that’s it #like …. ok

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sunkissedfawn · 1 month ago

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autumn weather finally arrived thank fuck

#i’ve been waiting… eagerly patiently and in agony #summer left before leaving a fuck you of burning humidity...#my thoughts #text

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galactic-marvelettes · 1 year ago

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The pain of missing someone you cared so deeply for – someone that you would’ve done anything to make them happy and feel worthy – cuts especially deep when you realize that someone never cared about you.

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khamomile-kitty · 6 months ago

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lol it’s not getting better it’s getting worse! I am lonely and in pain! teehee!

#it’s seems like the only ppl who would miss me when I’m gone are three or four ppl on the internet that I’ve never met irl!#cause nobody irl seems to think I’m worth having around! heehee!#I am so fucking lonely it hurts!! and internet chat is hard bc I’m so empty inside I don’t know what to say!#you can’t just chill in silence on the internet unless you’re in a video/voice call and I don’t wanna do that!#my own family can’t stand me lol! I don’t know what I did or didn’t do to be treated like this!#if it isn’t loathing it’s outright apathy to me. even ppl I considered close are dropping me. I don’t know what I did and nobody will help!#I cried until my nose bled and I got a migraine yesterday #left a cartoon sized puddle w my tears lmao. was wailing amd hyperventilating and nobody even looked at me.#I wasn’t alone in the house and the walls aren’t that thick I know they heard me. they just didn’t feel like confronting it #I’m more close to killing myself than I have ever been and that’s fucking saying something considering how many times I’ve actually attempte #I really just want this to end. I wish it did t have to be like this bc I don’t necessarily want to die #I want to be there for my cat and I want to experience the world #but the agony in my chest is unbearable.

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0rionz-belt · 1 year ago

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I don’t know how to explain that I’m not me in a way anyone can fully comprehend. I’m so tired.

#vent #I can’t just keep saying all of this stuff again. but I’m going to.#I look back on my life and it feels like I’m remembering scenes from my favorite movie.#or better yet. you know how if you tell someone something enough they eventually believe it? like in criminal justice shit?#I look back. and it feels like that wasn’t me. but they’re my memories. somehow.#this is the same body. same brain. same voice.#but I can’t remember more than an audience would. I’ll never know what I was thinking. how my brain worked.#and I can’t help but wonder if I’m still seeing my life like that. if I’m exaggerating everything.#if I’m exaggerating how amazing I really was.#I spend every day of my fucking life mourning over what I perceived myself to be.#because back then? back then I was building the skills needed to be a person in this world.#everything feels fucking broken with me. I’m in so much anguish.#I miss being a person more than anything.#I feel so horrible. not just for everything I’ve done but for everyone I’ve met. for my friends.#I feel like I’ve let everyone down. No one understands just how true that actually is.#If you could see the life I lost you would think I let you down too. I guarantee it.#this is the worst death one can have. Everyone loses the you they know. But you still have a body and brain that has to face the aftermath.#I’ve been in agony for so long. so much of me is dead. I just pray that the rest of me goes painlessly.#cant believe I wrote this shit listening to a song from the god damn doll movie

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sanchoyo · 2 years ago

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well talking to my mom went well (I just told her I’m really unsure rn. Her first response was ‘oh well what’s the rush, ur not dating rn are u?’ Which. What does that have to do with gender??? It made me stop and laugh at least lmao). Also she suggested I just keep the clothes in a box or smth for a month or two so that if I change my mind abt dresses and skirts I don’t throw them out and regret it. Which was an awesome suggestion bc quite frankly I’m very emotionally attached to my clothes. A lot of the dresses are real vintage or actually worth a lot too and very unique and…a part of me wants to try and rework them and sew them into either shirts or pants bc they’d fuck severely but 1. I don’t have a sewing machine 2. I…feel weird about modifying such old clothes. It feels kind of bad…like what if I fuck them up bc lack of sewing experience!! I’ve only rly done basic mending (…and I guess that Ichigo cosplay years ago but even that didn’t turn out great bc it was my first project. aaa)