#i’ve been in fucking. agony | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shuckstruck · 1 year

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i would rly rly rly Really like to find my wrist/thumb brace tomorrow

#rumbles #i’ve been in fucking. agony #work video games texting scrolling drawing dms chatting #everything. my whole hand is fucked #i don’t know where i put the damn thing. it hurts so bad #also talked to my mom about when we should put Siri down #how we both know he won’t go on his own #how neither of us think he’ll decide on his own #like my good old jackson #i’d give anything not to choose when that is #anyways. don’t talk to me about that part yet. sorry for the tag rant #this is bad for my hand too but i can’t help myself

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anabetel35 · 3 months

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familiar, familiar sparks

A few alt versions

#ninjago #fanart #lego ninjago #ninjago fanart #jay walker #ninjago jay #A quick lil colored doodle thing :)#I’ll be honest with you guys I’ve never been a Jay girlie but the sheer potential that this man has in DR is INSANE!#all of the missing pieces…. All of that sadness and joy and grief and love and agony with no origin and no release….#Can’t wait for him to be at least a little fucked up. At least for the tournament. Can’t wait for a Cole vs. Jay rematch with parallels to #S4. Can’t wait for the tragic Jaya fight. I’m sure that all of that will be in DRS2p2 obviously.

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malinaa · 1 year

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I NEED TO WRITE SO BADLY [RATTLES THE BARS OF MY CAGE] LET ME WRITE LET ME WRITE

#CANT WRITE. CANT READ. CANT WATCH A SINGLE THING. IM IN AGONY #tbt #text #tais toi lys #all i’ve been doing is listening to the same songs on repeat and avoiding putting my laundry away #haven’t written since mid September #god i fucking loathe fall btw #*

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surrealsunset · 7 months

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the sun always shines on TV

#hello charlotte #vent art #charlotte wiltshire #q84 #charlotte q84 #basically. this song is like. a microcosm of. what hello charlotte is to me #the music video especially gets the point across really well #it’s like i just don’t fucking know what’s real or not #i love so blindly with no direction but i do love and that’s what confuses and scares me #i have these…. masks. that’s all this is is masks. masking. performance #it is real. but it is also fake. and it’s so hard. it’s so fucking hard wearing a mask all the time #because i can’t take it off. i can’t. that’s why i love q84 so profoundly #the mask took over her fucking life. she has no idea who she is anymore #she was never someone who hurt people and now she is and she is FUUUCKED UP about it #but she’s too isolated and alone and unwilling to listen and proud to stop the hurt or the doomspiral or any of it #i feel like that. this gets at a profound generational scream of agony i feel from everyone around me #we’re just scared. we’re all scared. we are all mourning the loss of our sanity and begging for answers and nothing is working #something. idk #i’ve been thinking about this a lot clearly gkshf #it’s just… i just. i want a hug. i just want to hug a lot. that’s all. i think all we fucking want is a fucking hug. for god’s sKe

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raspberrybluejeans · 3 months

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i would give anything to be able to eat ice cream without fear again

#i’ve been lactose intolerant for a long time #but i used to be able to power through it #or like take those pills and have it be manageable #but it just got to a point where i was SO sick #like on the verge of passing out agony #so i had to stop.#but i miss ice cream so fucking much #ograt

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khamomile-kitty · 4 months

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lol it’s not getting better it’s getting worse! I am lonely and in pain! teehee!

#it’s seems like the only ppl who would miss me when I’m gone are three or four ppl on the internet that I’ve never met irl!#cause nobody irl seems to think I’m worth having around! heehee!#I am so fucking lonely it hurts!! and internet chat is hard bc I’m so empty inside I don’t know what to say!#you can’t just chill in silence on the internet unless you’re in a video/voice call and I don’t wanna do that!#my own family can’t stand me lol! I don’t know what I did or didn’t do to be treated like this!#if it isn’t loathing it’s outright apathy to me. even ppl I considered close are dropping me. I don’t know what I did and nobody will help!#I cried until my nose bled and I got a migraine yesterday #left a cartoon sized puddle w my tears lmao. was wailing amd hyperventilating and nobody even looked at me.#I wasn’t alone in the house and the walls aren’t that thick I know they heard me. they just didn’t feel like confronting it #I’m more close to killing myself than I have ever been and that’s fucking saying something considering how many times I’ve actually attempte #I really just want this to end. I wish it did t have to be like this bc I don’t necessarily want to die #I want to be there for my cat and I want to experience the world #but the agony in my chest is unbearable.

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0rionz-belt · 1 year

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I don’t know how to explain that I’m not me in a way anyone can fully comprehend. I’m so tired.

#vent #I can’t just keep saying all of this stuff again. but I’m going to.#I look back on my life and it feels like I’m remembering scenes from my favorite movie.#or better yet. you know how if you tell someone something enough they eventually believe it? like in criminal justice shit?#I look back. and it feels like that wasn’t me. but they’re my memories. somehow.#this is the same body. same brain. same voice.#but I can’t remember more than an audience would. I’ll never know what I was thinking. how my brain worked.#and I can’t help but wonder if I’m still seeing my life like that. if I’m exaggerating everything.#if I’m exaggerating how amazing I really was.#I spend every day of my fucking life mourning over what I perceived myself to be.#because back then? back then I was building the skills needed to be a person in this world.#everything feels fucking broken with me. I’m in so much anguish.#I miss being a person more than anything.#I feel so horrible. not just for everything I’ve done but for everyone I’ve met. for my friends.#I feel like I’ve let everyone down. No one understands just how true that actually is.#If you could see the life I lost you would think I let you down too. I guarantee it.#this is the worst death one can have. Everyone loses the you they know. But you still have a body and brain that has to face the aftermath.#I’ve been in agony for so long. so much of me is dead. I just pray that the rest of me goes painlessly.#cant believe I wrote this shit listening to a song from the god damn doll movie

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galactic-marvelettes · 10 months

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The pain of missing someone you cared so deeply for – someone that you would’ve done anything to make them happy and feel worthy – cuts especially deep when you realize that someone never cared about you.

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sanchoyo · 1 year

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well talking to my mom went well (I just told her I’m really unsure rn. Her first response was ‘oh well what’s the rush, ur not dating rn are u?’ Which. What does that have to do with gender??? It made me stop and laugh at least lmao). Also she suggested I just keep the clothes in a box or smth for a month or two so that if I change my mind abt dresses and skirts I don’t throw them out and regret it. Which was an awesome suggestion bc quite frankly I’m very emotionally attached to my clothes. A lot of the dresses are real vintage or actually worth a lot too and very unique and…a part of me wants to try and rework them and sew them into either shirts or pants bc they’d fuck severely but 1. I don’t have a sewing machine 2. I…feel weird about modifying such old clothes. It feels kind of bad…like what if I fuck them up bc lack of sewing experience!! I’ve only rly done basic mending (…and I guess that Ichigo cosplay years ago but even that didn’t turn out great bc it was my first project. aaa)

#sanchoyorambles #this post is 90% anxiety oops #also what if I am a dude. and I have to tell my dad. nightmarish #coming out to him was hard enough the first time 😭 it’s so awkwardddd #….I kind of want to look into t but I’m broke and also scared of needles #am I …a guy….??#I don’t know. we r looking into it. 🫣#fuck I already didn’t like my name so much so I’ve been playing w the idea of legally changing it for a year or so anyway #I….might be looking at baby names websites #fuck. fuck I just changed my art blog insta YouTube AND neocities to lynnscribbles tho!!!! the fucking work to change everything I swear #rolls around in agony #Lynn is neutral enough maybe 😭#I knowwww doing it legally cost money tooooo 💀 can things be free for me bc I’m swag. or .#like ofc these are all hypotheticals but umm. hm #🫣……🕴️#if…I do end up being a guy it’ll still be in a pretty fem way like let’s be real #my level of whimsy won’t change . I will be masc like ken from barbie. or like rococo dandies . etc. still pretty pastel an frilly #…so still gnc…ashsjfkckn #again I’m still not entirely sure I’m just testing things out. in the gender trying room so to speak #I AM confused a bit bc I thought I was a lesbian but really how much I love women is my only tie to lesbianism #so I might think abt that label too which feels bittersweet #I love the flag I have it on several jackets as pins and patches!!!#closest second label might just be queer but I dunno …will need to reflect #if it doesn’t fit anymore after I think on it I’ll Marie Kondo it and thank it for its time before replacing it I guess 😭

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salesman1997realnotfake · 2 years

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Hey Spamton, how do you feel about the fact you're losing the Tumblr Sexyman poll rematch to Reigen?

I’M [Mæd]. >:(

#spamton #(Oh. Btw guys. So funny story.)#(I’ve been trying to reblog that poll as Spamton since it came out)#(But Tumblr’s post editor keeps on FUCKING CRASHING every time I try.)#(I am in agony.)

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dihalect · 1 year

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i’m joining the war on mental illness on the side of mental illness

#txt #i need need NEED to talk to them about this.#they promised me that they would. in may. it has been two and a half months.#it has been months. they know this is bad for me. i’ve tried to give them space bc they’re not doing well. but like. neither am i!!#i textedthem last tuesday like ‘hey i still really need to talk about this. ik youre in a bad spot so you should prioritize yourself‚#but please talk to me when you can’#and i feel like i have no choice but to reneg on my allowing them to choose to talk.#because. i need to get this over with so so sos o so so bad.#i have been. in agony. since then. i can barely eat. i can barely focus. it hurts so fucking bad!!!!#say SOMETHING say ANYTHING!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!#im gonna guve them til wednesday morning before i start begging.#jesus christ. just say SOMETHING. PLEASE.

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m-aximumjoy · 2 years

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YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#IM SO HAPPY THIS WEEK OF AGONY HAS BEEN WORTH IT™#I’ve gotta…come up with a pic for the spotlight #I’ll draw a lil something. srry but y’all are not seeing my face yet lmao #editing my excerpt rn too #I’m SO excited holy fuck #oryginals

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livvyofthelake · 2 years

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#the agonies are markedly different from the Horrors. the horrors are my friend…#th AGONIES are kicking my ass rn. cannot stand cassandra for this #also yes hi i’m aware that i’ve been hashtag offline all day and i’m logging the fuck on at 5:45pm. i was busy #beth.txt

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rockpaladin · 2 years

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motw tomorrow. i want to bring back the posting era.

#pulling directly from my dms w hannah bc i’ve been on this for a while #but one of the hardest things and things that make me most anxious about playing cedar is trying to make sure she doesn’t come across as #a joke or as totally off-the-walls with her reactions to people/situations. or like inconsistency w what she says or does in a way #that doesn’t come across as a deliberate character choice. and i definitely don’t want her to feel stagnant #like. she’s been pretty bratty and unwelcoming to jessamine and even a little bit sam! who was one of her best friends #and has certainly also lashed out even within her new group of friends/allies (parch and the creature in very dif ways esp 😭)#so when hannah was like ‘should jessamine be worse?’ worried that making someone cedar’s so pissed with seem like. kind of fine. is shitty #but the thing is i think cedar is uh #she has a lot of rage and unpacked trauma from the shit w the red riders that she doesn’t know what to do with #which has totally fucked w her ability to analyze the situation and relationships she had and has formed so she #doesn’t know how to feel and therefore act towards them?#which. maybe ooc is an annoying character choice for me to make but.#she sure can’t form a clear internal stance on Any of the people she used to love and trust more than anyone!#and like. everyone else doesn’t really care if isaiah dies and she doesn’t KNOW how she feels about him but #she’s stuck wavering between being viciously angry at isaiah & still being so upset that she can't even talk about what's happening to him #so. this next session or two is certainly going to push to SOME sort of breaking point!#and then of course there’s all our agonies. but that’s for a separate post.#motwinchester #cedar

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urbanfiltered · 3 days

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:)

#i doubt anyone reads these (actually if they did i’d be deeply embarrassed) but good news #relationships are stabilizing i was truly tweaking for no reason #spent a whole weekend alone did a refresh and i’m back to feeling normal and enjoying the company of my loved ones lol #boyfriend made me dinner while i lied on the floor and complained about the uterus agonies and i have received a lot of forehead kisses #everything is normalizing………#i am having an insanely #emotional period and constantly crying about random scenarios i work myself up to but oddly enough i can see through all that and i know #it’s not really ‘real’#in the content normal moments i have with my brain im like yeah life is cool n good again #hehee #it’s sick how fucking sprung i am actually like i constantly have to resist sending him long essay texts everytime we hang out about how #much fun i had and how much i love him #he takes crazy good care of me i almsot #feel bad #i used to be little miss independent and now i’m like no i’m just baby >:(#he drives me places and does the cooking and does the emotional #support and i’m like #wow thank you!!!! your reward is you get to unlock more tragic backstory and now console me over new breakdowns i’ve been hiding from you!!#im high maintenance i fink

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threnodians · 1 month

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i just have to get through my 5:30-9:30pm shift tomorrow evening and then my 6:30-9:30pm shift on monday and then i have both tuesday and wednesday off... definitely going to focus on cleaning this disgusting and infuriating depression hoard of a goddamn bedroom because it is fucking gross and making me stressed and angry every goddamn day 🥲🤞🏻

but also jiaoqiu comes out on tuesday iirc so!!! i checked and i have everything needed to immediately fully max out him and his traces and his lightcone and i already pre-farmed and leveled relics for him so ✨ he is literally one of the main things that is keeping me going at this point 😂

#⟡ — kayleigh.txt #i adore the job itself tbqh but it is the physical labor that is killing me 💀#like if my fucking back would stop being in immense pain and agony that’d be great 😭🤞🏻#i’m going to wear my crocs tomorrow and see if they make a difference compared to the sneakers i’ve been wearing 🤔#i feel like the heel of my sneakers while it adds support may be what is aggravating my back #idek i am so fucking sick of being chronically ill y’all 🫠#like can my body just let me fucking do my job it isn’t even a difficult job so like??? 😤

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