#i’ve been forcing myself to do this my entire life and now i am literally just like nothing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

smokingtomas · 1 year ago

Text

Goodbye, Hasashi

Summary: Takes place before the event of Mortal Kombat, you find yourself dealing with the certainty of losing Hanzo Hasashi, the captivating son of Shirai Ryu’s grandmaster whom you’ve been having a secret affair with, to someone else’s embrace in an arranged marriage. (Hanzo Hasashi/Female Reader)

AO3 / original Tumblr post / playlist

A/N: This fic is sort of an ode to the past– a fic that was written 7 years ago that I was highly insecure about. This was the last fic before I took a 6 month break and hadn’t created any fics for Mortal Kombat up until my recent one because this one really wore me out. I had been through hell and back to getting this published– quite literally had to drive myself to gloom to convey the emotions into this sole fic.

Reading it now, I’ve decided that I’m going to give it a proper love I hadn’t given back then. I really used to make fun of this– thinking this was cringey, which was unfair to my past self. But thankfully, I’ve grown up and am able to appreciate this a lot more. I didn’t even edit that much.

So If you are reading this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really hope you could feel how much this means to me these days.

Whew, sorry for the long/sentimental A/N.

“We visited Harumi and her family today.”

As soon as he speaks of those words, your entire body feels numb. The teapot you were tilting earlier immediately bumps the cup over, causing some of the tea to spill and mess your tabletop up. You can feel your lower lip slightly tremble– thankfully biting the inside of your mouth helps a little bit, but you are certain the gloom within your eyes can’t hide the pain.

What kind of strange woman wouldn't be hurt when her beloved is forced to leave her to be tied with some other woman? And to make it even worse, for political reasons.

This is Hanzo Hasashi you’re talking about.

The feisty, passionate and… handsome son of the Grandmaster of Shirai Ryu whom you’ve been having a secret affair with for what, four-five months? Yes, it hasn’t been a lifetime, but for you, it does mean something in spite of how young you and him are.

Oh, but the relationship isn’t perfect. Both of you have to keep it a secret since you are nothing but a filthy huntress with no title and no one considering you-- your skills for survival are probably the only thing that has been keeping you alive for so long. If the Grandmaster ever found out about you two? Ah, the possibility of burying you alive is real.

Though to you, being in love with someone like Hanzo Hasashi and to have him love you back is like shooting for the stars, but got the moon instead. For once in your life, you feel like you’ve done something too good that this is blessed to you as your reward.

Turns out, it is nothing but an illusion. Because soon, he will fall into someone else’s embrace.

It’s not that he said something, but you knew that tonight is your last night with him as he mentioned a few nights ago about getting married the next day from now. No, you’re not actually planning on a sad farewell night, but staying positive is no simple task.

Time does fly indeed, and how you wish you realized this earlier. If it is possible to turn back time, you’d definitely do it just so you can hold him longer a few more times… or at least caress that pompous face of his every time he thinks he has impressed you with something he does...

You will miss the way how light always pierces through his hazel eyes and makes them look sort of aglow-- if you could, you would look at them forever. You will miss how he rubs his nose every time he gets nervous and he always tells you to stop teasing him about it.

You will miss how his stubble slightly pierces you every time he presses his face against your skin. How he knows it itches you but he keeps on teasing you with it anyway. Though he knows you like it every time he buries his face on the crook of your neck when he makes sweet love to you.

Oh, Hanzo… how could you survive without him now?

As you feel a tear rushing towards the brink of your eye, you bring a finger up and wipe it away… realizing how much time is wasted since the first time you laid your eyes on his features.

Those eminences of him that hit you all at once. That one sunny day when peaches were harvested; the day that’s impossible to forget...

It was the time of the month when peaches were blooming beautifully. Everywhere you looked-- from trees to the market stalls-- there were those ripe, mouthwatering goodness. The sun shone friendly along with the thin air that would occasionally blow the thin strands of your locks. Birds were swarming beneath the bright blue sky stretching majestically above you, and some of them that were perching on trees seemed to be enjoying the sweet smell of the sunset-colored fruit by the way they chirped so cheerfully.

And there you were with a belly filled completely with peaches you picked earlier, cozying yourself up above a larger, leafier tree on one of its bigger branches as you soaked up the warmth of the sun, resting your head above your hands. The crystal clear lake spreaded close to the tree streamed calmly in sync with the crisp air, sending those leaves slow dancing and making them let out a calming shrivel. This was the kind of surrounding that could send those insomniacs drift off in no time, and the drowsiness just kicked in to you.

Your eyes were getting heavier at this point, but you could care less-- you could drift off any second and you weren’t fighting it. Eyelashes swung as your mouth parted slightly in comfort. Oh, it really was a good day to sleep…

When you just thought nothing could bother you at this moment, crunches were heard next to your tree, followed by a sound of a frustrated male groan. Your eyes shot open at the remark and you knew something was caught in the trap you had set earlier today.

Now, you set the trap for animals-- something you could surely eat, but why was the male sound present?

Hastily, you maneuvered yourself and climbed down the tree. Of course, you were dying to find out what was going on, and what laid before your eyes was way out of your expectation that you felt your jaw drop slightly.

And there was Hanzo Hasashi; inside your net trap hanging strongly beneath a tree trunk, letting his mid-length hair down framing his solid cheek bone. Beads of sweat dripped from his temple and you were guessing he had been running. His callous fingers were shaking the net while his other hand held a whole bunch of peaches, and you could see some of them sliding off his grip onto the ground. Frantic was clearly drawn all over his face, but what you couldn’t get your head wrapped around was the fact that he was dressed in a lousy brown hoodie and torn, old cargo pants.

Instantly, you recognized that face-- who wouldn’t? This was the first time you’ve seen him up close and… well he didn’t look bad. But you figured it would be fun to mess with him since he always looked so serious.

“Well, well, well, look what we have here,” You uttered smugly as you swung your knife. “Was expecting a deer, but got the Grandmaster’s son dressed like a hobo instead.”

His forehead wrinkled at your remark as his lips formed a perfect ‘o’, “What the… how did you know?!”

“Easy, you got one of those kunai in your pocket,” You scoffed, “And your mask fell off.”

He did not look happy by the way he palpated his bare face before letting out a growl, obviously just realizing his mask went down to his neck, “Alright look, huntress! You need to help me off and hide me! Quick!”

“And how could you think I would do that, Hasashi?”

“Because I just stole these peaches from the market!”

As you placed your knife back in one of your boots, you almost bursted out of laughter hearing his explanation. The son of Grandmaster stealing fruits? Now, that was funny.

“What? Like you can’t afford it?” You mocked sarcastically.

“I was undercover and things sprawled out of my control so--” He snarled once again. “Listen! I don’t have time for this. The villagers are chasing me, and I need your help!”

“You know, help doesn’t come free these days. Even huntresses need some--” You cleared your throat, “Gold.”

Rolling his eyes in advance, he finally gave up, “Alright, I will hand you 50 gold coins if you let me off your net and hide me-- but quick!”

“50 golds? Okay, I’ll keep your stolen peaches for you.”

“100!”

“I’ll keep your peaches, and probably won’t eat them.”

“You’re robbing me, huntress!” He exclaimed irritatedly, “Final offer; 150 golds, and you must help me.”

Satisfied with his offer-- and messing around with Grandmaster’s son-- you finally agreed as you got your knife out and made your way towards him to free him. “Don’t have to ask me twice.”

As you were cutting the ropes off the branch, for a split second you thought you could feel his eyes on you. Reflectively, you looked up to meet him. From the distance so close, the features of his face hit you all at once; his perfectly carved bone structure with light stubble framing his… alright, you had to admit he’s gorgeous. Though what hooked you the most were those sharp hazel eyes.

And then you felt your heart skip a beat.

Trying to regain your focus, you chose to ignore this weird feeling as you shook your head back to reality, keeping your hand on the work.

“Can’t you cut faster? They’re coming!” Exclaimed Hanzo.

“Hey, I could easily leave you here if you keep that attitude.” You replied without stopping your rough work.

Thankfully, he only clenched his teeth at your remark-- that was the least he can do, so you couldn’t complain.

Before you knew it, all the ropes were cut and his feet were set on the solid ground. All the peaches he was holding earlier fell onto the ground and you think he could care less in the way he sighed in relief.

“Now go climb that big, leafy tree over there. As high as your feet can take you.” You ordered as you pointed to the tree you were resting on earlier. Without saying anything else, Hanzo quickly rushed towards the tree while you cleared his tracks by covering your net trap and peaches with some fallen leaves.

As footsteps and chatter were heard from a distance, you spread the leaves as nonchalantly as you could as if you were just about to set a trap-- just another day in the office.

Sooner than you had expected, a swarm of villagers were moving towards you, and they were bringing all kinds of things they could use as a weapon: a stick, shoes, even some fabric which you had assumed would be used to catch Hanzo.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop now!” You commanded, stretching your hands out to them as they immediately paused their tracks, “You take another step and all of you will get inside an animal trap I just set up hours ago.”

“Did you see a street boy coming this way?” Asked one of the villagers, “He stole my peaches!”

“I’ve been here for hours, and I’ve seen nobody. I can’t help you.” You replied.

“But I saw him go this way!” Another villager shouted, “And look! There’s a peach on the ground!”

Good God, what kind of eyes do these people have?!

“Hey, I picked those earlier as a part of my trap!” You lied.

“Bullshit! I don’t believe her! It’s just her way to save her kind. I say we go this way!” Another villager decided to interlope and crunk the heat of the situation.

“For the last time, I’ve been here for hours and I don’t see nobody coming by, alright? If you don’t believe me, please take another step so you all can rot together inside my trap!” You threatened the villagers which sent them into dead silence. Some of them actually showed fear on their faces and were debating if they should go back.

“Hey, what are you all waiting for? Go! Now! You’re scaring my food!” You demanded as the villagers went another way with nothing left to say-- you could hear some of them curse behind their breaths, though.

As you watched them slowly disappear, you made your way towards the tree on which Hanzo was hiding as you looked around to make sure the situation was thoroughly cleared.

Looking up, you placed a palm close to your mouth as you shouted at him, “Get down, Hasashi! You’re safe.”

“Nicely deceived, huntress,” He complimented as he showed himself beneath the leaves while he tried to climb down, “Those people could’ve hurt you easily.”

“I may be a woman, but I’m immune to pain, y’know.” You scoffed.

Hanzo stopped in his track regarding your remark, and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “A little hard to believe, but--”

His voice trailed off as his feet stepped on a fragile branch and immediately lost his balance. It all happened so fast that the next thing you know after you shut your eyes in reflex of him falling off the tree was his robust figure over you.

The coarse feeling of the ground surely did not help the blinding pain on your head and hip.

“Ouch! Ah...” You grunted in pain as were him, “Fuck, you’re heavy as hell!”

Out of your expectation, Hanzo bursted out laughing at your remark over you as he rearranged his arms next to your head instead of immediately raising up to his feet. In this sort of inappropriate position of his, you could feel his perfectly sculpted chest above you and the unexpected tremor lining between your legs.

You were certain you could feel yourself blushing over the somewhat awkward situation, but in that moment, you were sure of one thing; he’s a hard candy with a surprise center.

But no, you weren't going to convey your thoughts aloud.

“What’s so funny, Hasashi?” You snapped under him.

“I knew you weren’t immune to pain,” He replied playfully, “I’m always right.”

“You did this on purpose?!” You shouted as you gave his shoulder a push in order for you to raise up, “Ugh! Get off me you sicko!”

Even though he was still laughing uncontrollably, he did as you say and ascended up to his feet. He stretched a hand for you, but instead of taking it, you pouted your lips and got up by yourself.

Not because you didn’t want to, you just refused to give him any ideas.

As he regained his self control and his laugh slightly dimmed-- but obviously still couldn’t get over it, he said: “Alright, alright, I apologize. And thank you, for your help.”

“For a Shirai Ryu, that was really shallow of you,” You pouted, crossing your arms, “But I guess I can let it go.”

As you were trying to straighten your dirty outfit, Hanzo asked: “So, have a name, huntress?”

Surprised by what you had heard, you turned your attention to him and scorned, “Yeah right, asking her name after getting them under you-- way to go, Hasashi!”

“It’s Hanzo,” He chuckled, “If you want to retrieve your gold, we need to see each other in a few days.”

“Is this how a Hasashi flirt?”

He shrugged at your remark, “I’m not exactly denying it, but suit yourself.”

You quickly turned your head away as you felt your cheek heating up. Despite him being good at this, you weren’t going to let him be an asshole about it.

Gathering your things as if you were ready to leave, you let out a chuckle at his remark as you hung your belongings on one shoulder, “Keep your gold, Hanzo. I don’t need it,” You assured before throwing him one of the peaches he had stolen which he reflectively caught with one hand.

“I only need one of these,” You added, sinking your teeth into another peach in your hand without caring about its juice that dripped all over your palm before you took some steps back away from him, “These are good peaches you have stolen.”

As the sight of him got slightly further, you could see him stretching both of his arms as he raised his tone, “So should I see you or not?”

“I don’t know, what do you think?” You shouted.

“I really think I should!”

At his assertion, you stopped your tracks and sank your teeth inside the peach once more as you shrug, “Well, you’ve found my hideout.”

As you turned your attention back on the road, you found yourself smiling. As much as you were dying to see his facial expression, you decided not to and keep this little game of yours happening.

Without knowing what the future will bring.

“Are you there?”

“Uh… yeah, yeah.” Startled by the depth of his voice, you hurry your fingers and wipe the vestiges of your tears, settling your feet back to earth as the trip down the memory lane has you caught up. “I just-- I made a mess.”

You grab the steaming cup of tea as you make your way to the edge of the bed and hand him his beverage, sitting next to him afterwards. You’re not sure how you can make it through this night, but you need to try as if nothing’s going to happen tomorrow. For his sake.

“So uh…” Trying to sound as normal as possible, you mutter while he takes a sip from the cup, “How is she?”

Hanzo deliberately retreats the cup off his lips and rests his forearm above his thigh. The way his head falls tells you that sorrow is consuming him alive. His hazel eyes that usually glow with spirit are now covered by woe.

As a sigh escapes his mouth, he simply replies, “She’s… kind.”

“I bet she’s beautiful.” Your lips twitch up into a wry smile. “More beautiful than what people have said about her.”

For what you have heard about Harumi, her beauty is beyond compare to even the most beautiful flower. Her long hair is the color of a midnight sky with ivory skin wrapped around her slender, small figure. People even say that her honey colored eyes beam brighter than the moonlight, and when she speaks, her voice is as soothing as a summer rain.

At your remark, Hanzo takes a short pause before he weakly shrugs, still refusing to turn his attention to you.

As you run your fingers through his soft, black locks, your gaze is locked at his complexion you’ve grown to love that not even the chill of misty, starless night sky displayed beneath your window pane overshadowed his beauty. No matter how much you’d love to mourn with him, you know you need to stay strong for him and not making this fucked up situation even worse.

Though if you look back, you wish you’d never meet him.

But ah, it’s too little too late now; you’ve fallen for him. You should’ve been ready for the risk of having to give him up to someone else-- someone better than you. You must be kidding yourself if you think he’d actually be your forever.

“It doesn’t matter,” He suddenly utters, “She’s not you.”

“And that’s better, right? I mean, look at me.” You scoff, ”Who am I kidding? I--”

“Can you stop making this about you for once?!” Cutting you off, his strenuous voice suddenly fills the empty room as he recoils your fingers off him. His profound gaze towards you clearly shows nothing but unhappiness.

“Hanzo, who says this is about me? I’m just trying to make it better for you.” You assure firmly.

“All you’ve been doing is making this worse for me!”

“How is that so?”

“Did you think I asked for this? Did you think I wanted to make this choice?” He bleaks. Eyes gleaming with pain, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him like this.

“Well, no, but--”

“Then your attempt on making it better is useless! Because it’s sad enough for me to have to choose the clan over you!”

As he winds his attention away from you and buries his face above his palm, you sense the frigid of the night starts seeping inside your bones. This empty space you call your sanctuary feels even more depressing than it already is. You gently press your palms against the wonky mattress so it’ll make some noise within the silence that’s slowly killing you.

At this moment, you’re lost for words. You feel like you should say something, but your jaw feels rigid and your throat is just drying away. Even the spider in the corner of the room seems to have more of an idea of what it’s doing as its little feet slowly knitting its web.

Unlike you. Clueless of what to say-- let alone doing something about it. You know you shouldn’t have fallen this deep with someone as powerful as the son of Shirai Ryu’s grandmaster, but for some reason your heart calls for him, and you knew in that moment you laid your eyes on his hazel ones, he’s what it’s longing for.

But why is it longing for someone you know you shouldn’t go for? How you wish you could rip your heart off your chest and throw it into the ocean, even though you know it wouldn’t be as painful as how you’re feeling right now.

“Wow…” You finally mumble slowly, relieving the silence.

“What?”

“You’re madly in love with me, aren’t you?”

At your remark, Hanzo gradually lifts his head and turns his interest to you. Unlike before, he looks much calmer right now, but you can tell he’s still absorbing the pain of this state like a sponge. It’s like he knows you already know the answer to your own question-- heck, you’re not even sure why you asked such a question in the first place.

But one thing you know for sure-- whatever his answer is, it’s going to crush your soul.

Whilst he elevates his shoulders, he lets out a sigh. “To the point where I would actually give it all up,” Hanzo weakly answers.

At this point, you can already hear your heart cracking through your ears.

“By the Gods…” You grumble, running your fingers through your locks as you shortly stand up and taking a few steps away from him, heading to the small, dusty window ahead of you. Greeting you is a cloudy night sky-- a sky so cloudy that even the moon chooses to hide itself underneath the thick, gray clouds; a bed of sky that perfectly describes your feelings.

In a perfect world, if someone just told you they’re madly in love with you, your heart will fly as if it had wings of its own. Turns out in your case, the wings your heart once had are torn apart by force.

You know he loves you-- he’s said it before. But madly? Oh, how you wish you could ask him to stay. Though what’s breaking you the most is that you know you couldn’t.

As you feel your face heats up and clumps of tear start to cloud your vision, you can hear the bed squeaking with Hanzo’s footsteps following behind as he asks for your conviction, “Aren’t you?”

You press your palms against your eyes, gulping hard so your answer won’t be as croaky. After all, the point is to hide your sorrow from him.

Alas, your attempt seems to fail as you feel a tear slide down your left cheek, and you just find it hard to even contain yourself, “To the point where the whole world shatters with my heart when you told me you’re marrying somebody else.”

All of the sudden, you can feel two robust arms gently wrapped around your figure together with a strong cheekbone resting on the side of your face. The familiar warmth instantly drowns you in and you welcome the strong arms in your embrace. You don’t even mind the stubble that you normally would push away because of how it pierces through your skin, but you know even your skin will miss the slight roughness when it’s gone.

“I know,” Hanzo responds simply by leaving a peck on your temple, “I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry too…” You bring one hand to caress his cheek, which slowly trails down to the side of his neck, “Shirai Ryu needs you, Hanzo. Don’t ever give it up, especially for me.”

“I just never thought that-- I would have to lose you for it.” He brittles, keeping his gaze far away as if he’s looking for some understanding.

“It’s the risk we should’ve prepared for.” You enlighten him as you turn yourself around and face him, cupping his jaw afterwards. His hand slowly slides down at your movement and you adore how they circle your waist perfectly. “ If I could turn back time, I really wish we’d never met-- let alone giving you a helping hand. Because even then I know, if I ever fell for you, I could never get back up.”

As your hands gradually travel to the nape of his neck, you pull him closer to you as he closes his eyes. His heavy breath pools down your frame and you add, “And now, I guess it got the best of me.”

At your confession, Hanzo stays still as if he's decided to get lost in your embrace and enjoy the closeness between him and your features. His hands stay ringing on your lower back and you don't think you'd want him to ever let go.

At the same time your fingers dig through his scalp, you whisper as you let out a feeble smile, “But you're my sweetest doom, Hasashi. And I've never felt more alive.”

It feels like you haven't had time to absorb your next move, but the next thing you know is that his lips brushes against yours like a drop of water in the middle of Sahara-- a kiss so chaste, so pure it could brace even the faintest heart.

As soon as he retracts himself, he mumbles, “Anata wa watashi no yume no josei da.”

You're the woman of my dreams. His words are like a magnet to your soul and you’re instantly drawn to him. Another drop of tear slithers down your cheek as you let out a weak chuckle, and your lips yearn for him in a blink of an eye.

Against his lips, you let your lips slow dance with his moist ones as if it has a mind of its own, cupping his jaw and you let his hands roam every inch of your body. In this very tranquility-- and with his lips attached to yours, what’s been troubling your mind seems to be forgotten. Maybe making these last moments just for the two of you to embrace might be the best.

Still, you and Hanzo devour each other in your own utopia, and you’re not planning on letting go soon. Even when the heat of his hands slowly but skilfully undo the buttons of your top, your mind has its own way to stop working.

And as if new minds are planted at your fingertips, you let them do their work in unclasping his belt and out of his uniform.

You’re not sure how long it takes for your back to finally feel the softness of the bedsheet, but you know at that moment, your brain has retired and your heart is at work.

And for the rest of the night, there are only moans, ragged breathing, and the creak of the bed to be heard.

“I love you. Did you know that?” Hanzo’s voice is low and tense.

His gaze meets yours in the dim room filled with candle light. You rest your head above his shoulder as his arm wrapped around your figure. Legs intertwined and there’s nothing you love more than how his bare, warm skin collides with yours in silence under the sheet. The way his thumb slowly flatters your chin lets you know that he means what he says.

“Kind of,” With a smile, you nod, “You’ve said it a few times by now.”

You don’t need anymore assertion from him by the way he harbors his lips on your forehead softly. You’re not sure what it is with the forehead kisses he gives, but all you know is that they give you the thrill, and you can even feel it even through his fingertips that still caresses your back.

“Hanzo,” You call him tenderly, to which he responds with a small hum, “Do you have any regrets?”

For a split second, his forehead wrinkles as if he’s thinking about the true meaning of your random question, but he doesn’t keep you waiting until you start to get nervous.

“Ah, regrets?” He sighs, “I think my life itself is based on it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… by now you must have been aware that being born into a clan isn’t something I ask for. When I grew up and accepted it, my father didn’t allow me to participate in the clan’s business-- quite strange, but again, I accepted it until he proposed this...”

His voice suddenly trails off before he rolls away from you. Your body still lies above his arm, but the empty gaze he’s showing tells you that he’s trying his best to stay composed. Even though you swear for a split second there you see his eyes sort of glisten.

“...forced marriage I don’t even want, and making it the only way for me to be involved in Shirai Ryu.” Hanzo continues.

“I’m sorry…” You whisper weakly, not knowing what to say but to move your body closer to him and rest your palm on his chest, supporting your weight with your other arm.

A hopeless sigh leaves his mouth at your remark. His eyes are fixed to the torn out paint mark on the roof as if it’s the most fascinating thing in the world, but you know the corner of his eyes are watching you.

Despite the woe that is drawn clearly through his face, he still looks beautiful.

Shortly, however, he shifts his body to your direction so you’re now face to face as he mirrors your position, causing the sheet to maneuver in sync with the movement of his solid figure.

“But do you know what my biggest regret is?” Hanzo triggers.

You shrug in response, by which he answers, “It’s not being able to choose you.”

His words sure don’t catch you by surprise-- you’ve known all along about his feelings towards you, but it sure leaves your stomach knotting and your gaze to drop.

When you thought things couldn’t get any worse, he adds as he reaches for your hand, “See, I’ve never thought about marriage until I-- until I fall in love with you. Since then, I always thought if I ever got married, it was going to be to you.”

And in this moment, your heart drops. And it’s smashed into pieces.

You wish you could decide your own fate if you knew you were going to fall this deep for him. You wish you’d been born someone else-- someone like Harumi just so you could stay with Hanzo. Or at least you wish your soul could leave your body and stay inside Harumi’s so you could still feel the warmth of his body next to you every night.

And in this moment, you hate yourself as much as you hate the universe.

It hurts to be you. It hurts so much that the pain seeps into your chest. You wish you could go up on a limb and pull your hair so hard that it pricks your scalp as you scream your heart out to the universe for such an injustice.

Breathing seems like no easy task as your vision gets blurry with a layer of tear in your eyes, and it’s about to stream freely anytime soon. You’re just thankful your face is dipped and Hanzo can’t see how much of a blubbering mess you are.

“I-I don’t know what to say…” With a croaky voice, you mumble.

And the unbearable tear finally drips.

“Shush, hey.” Hanzo’s voice is soothing. A thumb of his is brought up to your cheek as it wipes off your tear, “I’ve never seen you cry before.”

You decide to ignore his remark and keep your face to the sheet. Besides, it seems pretty reasonable to cry-- you can’t possibly stay rock hard when your world has appeared to turn upside down.

Lifting your chin up so your eyes meet his, he despondently says, “Maybe this is how we are destined to be-- you and me, against the universe. I just wish we could win this battle by… coming clean.”

“Don’t, Hanzo. Please… It’s too late now.”

“I guess you’re right.” He sighs, taking a short pause. But then a ray of light emerges within his face, “But Harumi will be the one moving here once we get married. Nothing is going to change between us, I will still be seeing you every night. Here.”

You raise an eyebrow in confusion at his statement, “You mean… we’ll still see each other when you’re married?”

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I?”

Surprisingly, you’re not feeling better-- your heart is still broken and it refuses to fix itself even when Hanzo tells you nothing’s changing. Inside, you know it’s not entirely true.

But for some reason, you find yourself fetching him an uncertain smile realizing your head goes empty at his words.

And your body still freezes as he moves even closer to you before his lips reach for yours tenderly. His palm finds your jaw before you find yourself, once again, under his mercy.

Oh, you’re dying to say a word-- about how wrong this feels, but you forget that the power of his kiss could shed away even the hardest problems.

And that’s exactly what it’s doing as you find yourself lost within it.

“Nothing is going to change between us, I will still be seeing you every night. Here.”

Those words Hanzo said keeps echoing in your head like it’s shouted in one hollow room. No matter how many times you try massaging the bridge of your nose or even simply shut your eyes, drifting into a peaceful slumber appears impossible.

You shift your head to your left, and there he is. Eyes closed, looking serene with his lips perfectly formed in one single line. The sound of his unwavering breaths could usually doze you off, but not tonight.

Because deep down, you know it won’t be yours to hear the next day.

Your hand reaches out for his stubble, and the way your hand gently caresses it is as if it knows it’ll be the last time you feel the slight pierce. You know you will surely miss how it feels on the back of your hand that slides softly on the curve of his cheekbone.

No-- you knew even then you have to leave him some time, and you’re afraid the moment has arrived.

As you gaze into his aristocratic frame, your brain searches for a reason to stay-- for you to possibly have him near you as long as you can.

But no matter how hard you dig, the thought of the future always buries the hope back even deeper. The thought of his warmth being someone else’s to cherish leaves a huge burden in your heart.

And no, that is not the only thing that troubles you-- what if they have children someday? Of course, Hanzo would be happy to have his descendants, and he’s going to love them with all his heart.

And in time, you know he will eventually fall for Harumi.

At those thoughts, you can feel as if a dagger stabs your heart repeatedly, but the pain is nothing compared to the fact that this is the last time you will witness his fair looking face.

And that… you have to let yourself out of his life.

Right now, there’s no use holding the tears back-- you let them stream freely this time as your mind wanders to the happier times you’ve spent with Hanzo, and how you wish you could do something to turn back time and let yourself showered with joy all over again.

But even by sacrificing your soul to the most powerful God, you know it’s not feasible.

With a heavy heart, you wipe away your tears before forcing the stiffness of your feet to move and out of the sheet, making sure to keep your movement slowly so you don’t wake him up.

Keeping yourself as stealthy as possible, you put on your clothes and gather your things before you sit in one corner of the room to write him a farewell letter, glancing one in a while at his direction. You can feel your hand shaking as tears keep flowing down your cheek, but you try your hardest to power through the sorrow and ignore those tears that drop on the paper.

Dearest Hanzo,

I'm sorry I have to leave you like this, but I can't stand the thought of me being in the middle of your marriage. I understand this is not a part of your will, but you will have to learn to love her in time, just like you did to me.

I want you to know that this is hard for me to do, but I know I'm leaving you in a good hand-- she will take care of you and love you with all her heart. For that, I'm grateful, and I'm lucky.

But if by any chance we meet again in the future, I'm hoping to see the same spirit and light I've witnessed in you these past couple of months. By then, I can always remember that one summer we spent under the peach tree, and how it will always bring joy to my heart.

Even though I might not be the one that puts that smile on your face, knowing you're well and happy is more than enough for me.

I love you, always.

P.S: Anata wa watashi no yume no otokoda.*

Finished writing the letter, you slowly maneuver to his side of the bed and you kneel down, placing the letter neatly next to his resting face as you take one last glance at his perfection.

After landing your lips swiftly on his cheek, you stroke him and slowly whisper, “Goodbye, Hasashi.”

As you step out the door, you turn your head back to this worn-out hideout you’ve called your sanctuary for the last year-- the place you’ve made most memories at, and you know you’re not going to easily forget everything.

Now, you’re not sure where your feet will take you. You have to survive in some other strange place and start a new life on your own, going back to the solitude you haven’t felt ever since your first encounter with Hanzo Hasashi.

You’re not sure how you’re going to survive without him by your side, but as you sweep the tears off your cheek and move forward, you know you somehow will.

*you’re the man of my dreams

#hanzo hasashi #scorpion #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #fanfiction #ao3 #my fics #hanzo hasashi x reader #scorpion x reader

96 notes · View notes

bullet-prooflove · 1 year ago

Note

You’ve created a monster 👿 and because you told me to request you best believe I’m gonna %1000 come thru! So BETCH I am on my knees begging you to please do a part 2 or better yet even a full update 😆 of your Nero/Cam girl series please! I would love her reaction to him confessing his feelings for her and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN PLEASE GIVE US THE SMUT WE DESERVE FINALLY!!! You are literally torturing me with these two because every time I read an update you post of them Im left yelling in frustration because the sexual tension is legit torture when you leave us with just a tease of them!!!

So please put me out of my misery and don’t let me endure another moment of torture because I just might break

💛💛💛

Keep up the awesomeness and can’t wait for your next update Queen

Companion piece to Day Off

This did not go the way I planned...

“I love you.” He tells you. “I’ve loved you since the moment we met.”

You don’t believe him; Nero can see it in your expression. You turn your head back towards the sky, your fingertips slipping from his so that your palm comes to rest upon your stomach. There’s a tension in your shoulders that resonates through your entire body.

“Is that what you say to all the other girls?” You ask him, your voice a rasp as you stare up at the clouds. “Is that why they sell themselves for you?”

“What?” He spits the word out like a curse because never in a million years did, he expect this from you.

There’s an agony blossoming in his chest, and he tries to shut it down, to be rational but truly you’ve shaken him. He can’t understand how he could have been so wrong about a person.

“I know when I’m being played Nero.” You say quietly, toying with the silver rings on your fingers. “I know what it means when a man says that he loves you, I know what’s expected in return.”

“That’s not what…” He trails off, his lips clamping together as he forces himself up into a sitting position, his elbows coming to rest on his knees as he inclines his head towards you. “You’re fucked up you know that?”

You lay there still sprawled on the grass; your arm thrown up over your head like in one of your boudoir shots on the website.

So fucking tempting and so fucking infuriating all at the same time.

“Do you think I’d be doing this job otherwise?” You ask him as you flick your sunglasses down from their place on the top of your head so that they cover your eyes. “Do you think I’d be selling myself if I was ‘normal’?”

Something happened to you, he feels it in his bones. Someone turned you out and once that happens you can never go back. You re-live the ways you’ve been used even when you step away from the life, it carves itself into your psyche. This he realises must be the compromise. The camming.

You don’t hook anymore, but you sell yourself in a different way and it erodes at your soul little by little until there’s nothing left but an emptiness right where it used to be. He thinks that’s what he’s looking at right now, that vastness. Someone reached into the depths of your spirit, and they tore it to pieces. He sees exactly who you are, and he loves you for it, the problem is your experiences have always been transactional, no matter what he says you’ll never believe him.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He tells you with a sigh. “It’s too much. I can’t be around you.”

There’s no way to win, he understands that now. In your mind, he will always be a pimp and you will always be a whore, trying to claw your way out from underneath him, even if it wasn’t him that put you there in the first place.

“Alright.” You say, your voice devoid of emotion. “I’ll get myself out of Diosa tomorrow.”

#nero padilla x reader #nero soa #nero padilla #nero padilla x you

62 notes · View notes

damnedrainbows · 10 months ago

Text

RULES:

These are five years old and are going to change with things to be added in the next few days, but they’re mostly the same! A i was informed they weren’t showing up on my blog so I made a pin for now

Muses:

Generally the entire show, but my mains are Alastor, Lucifer, and Charlie

Following and Unfollowing

I am selective.

I will only follow back blogs I actively wish to RP with. Or people I’ve made friends with. I’ll be ever grateful for every follower I get, but it doesn’t mean I’ll follow you back.

You don’t have to be an rp blog for me to rp with you. One of my partners is just a normal fandom blog. Writing is writing C:

I don’t do exclusives. For me I find it takes a lot of the opportunities away to get to know more cool people. If you want to make me an exclusive for something…go right ahead, but I won’t do the same. You’ll simply stay my partner. I want to be able to interact with everyone. That being said, I do mains! That doesn’t really mean anything other than your blog would be the first I tag if I see something that reminds me of our muses, that sorta thing.

If I hear wind that you’re harassing any of my friends you’re done. And if you’re harassing me in any way. I do not put up with bad treatment of my friends or me. You don’t want a block from me. Jordan doesn’t block ANYBODY.

Threads and Communication

Sometimes I’ll have long posts, sometimes short ones. It depends purely on my inspiration at the time, but I’ll always put my best effort in. I want you to do so too!

Before writing any verse you want to do, please talk to me first C:

I LIVE FOR RANDOM STARTERS TBH. It’s like…waking up to Christmas morning and seeing your present. Mutuals please drop me a random starter any time.

I play my characters the way I want to play them, the way I interpret them. So if you don’t like how they’re played, that’s fine, but I’m not likely to change it.

If you send IC memes please specify the muse, since…well, I have the whole show.

I’m of age so I do smut but nothing too-too graphic. It will be tagged of course.

My threads are for my PARTNER only. Or partners if it’s a threeway. Please do not reblog them. You can like em, you can use the little reply button to say something–if you really want to talk about something that’s happening in them shoot me a message-but do not reblog unless you are said partner. C:

For the love of God, don’t hound me. I’m aware I can take a while to reply, but I have a lot of threads usually at the same time and some I have more muse for than others. Please don’t link me to our thread, please don’t say “it’s your turn” or some sort of variation of passive aggressive harassment. You aren’t going to make me respond faster. You are just going to spark my anxiety and make me resent our rp. If it’s been four days feel free to message me–not four hours.

Unless you’re a canon character my muse needs to get to know you a bit. C: So it’s unlikely you can just pop up to one of my muses, never having met, like ‘hi, how you been?’ and not have them be like “who da fuck are you"

Shipping

Shipping will mainly be thread-dependent. If you feel like our muses may mesh, go for it!

I will not tolerate hate for what I ship. I don’t need to be told I’m shipping something unhealthy because chances are I’ll state it’s unhealthy and I by no means condone dating a psychopath in real life. Hate will be deleted and blocked.

When it comes to OC ships and any ship really, ship needs chemistry. Do not force a ship onto my muses. They need to get to know each other, and this mainly applies to OC ships–not so much the pr-established characters in the show. If I already ship it, I’m down to jumping straight into a shipping thread.

Crossovers

I am mildly less selective with crossovers since this show is literally…all about crossing over into other media. I’m still selective but not as much. For my own comfort I won’t be rping with characters from the Sonic franchise.

Triggers and Tagging

I know very little about triggers myself and what people consider a trigger. IF you want something tagged you’ll have to ask. I’ll be clueless otherwise, but I will tag all ships. And the basic gore and blood and such. Be aware of the fact I have bad memory problems. If I forget to tag something you asked me to tag I’m sorry, it wasn’t on purpose.

This is an insanely dark show and there will be a lot of blood and gore and horror. There will be torture and killing talk, but it will still be tagged.

Mun Notes

I have serious memory problems. Like, really bad due to a combo of illnesses. Cut me some slack, I’m going to forget rules and probably certain triggers if I’m not used to tagging them. You have no ida how many friggin rule pages I’ve read on this blog. I’ll do my best but I’m going to forget, and probably more than once. It’s not my fault, I’m trying my hardest.

I do not do passcodes. For some reason they make me…severely anxious and I don’t know why. If we rp, I’ve read your rules, rest assured. If you really really depend on a passcode…well, we probably won’t be rping then. ;-; sorry.

I’m a physically disabled person who’s online rather…all the time because I can’t work really. So rp is like all I got going on right now as I work on my animation portfolio at home.

I’m a very sweet twenty two four old that loves to talk to people. Talk to me any time about my muse, about anything! Feel free to approach me just to talk in general. I really love people! We don’t have to rp to be friends.

And finally, what I write, my characters’ views do not reflect my own. I do not condone the destruction of entire civilization or eating babies. Unless they are tasty babies.

#blog rules

39 notes · View notes

highladyluck · 7 months ago

Text

13 books tag game, tagged by @amemoryofwot and @asha-mage (incidentally I typoed that as "amemeryofwot" which would be an excellent sideblog concept, maybe snatch that one up?)

1) Last book I read:

Mistress of the Empire by Raymond Feist & Janny Wurts (at the time I started filling this out, anyway… I've been working on this ask for several days) This whole trilogy was a delight, thanks to @sixth-light for telling me I would love Mara!

2) A book I recommend:

The Best of All Possible Worlds by Karen Lord. It's a quiet little road trip romance exploring grief & diaspora, in a setting that I can best describe as 'if Madeline L'Engle had been in charge of Star Trek worldbuilding'. (If you squint you can see analogues to humans, Vulcans, Romulans, and Orions, but the tone is reminiscent of L'Engle.) There are sequels that follow different characters but this is the first one and it works as a standalone. I feel like it has a lovely light touch on some intense subjects and I appreciate the way each chapter works as a separate story while still fitting into the whole.

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

I remember staying up past my bedtime for The Monster Baru Cormorant, I think? At the very least, that's where we first get my beloved Tau-Indi, and the pacing on the climax is kinda weird, about 2/3rds in, so I think I would have read through to it without stopping. I don't know if this question is supposed to be about compellingness or pacing? Probably compellingness, I think I'm weirdly fixated on structure when I read things. But sometimes I think books you 'can't put down' are at least partially that way because there's no damn place to breathe, and I don't entirely approve.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more)

I see from literally everyone who has tagged me in this that this is one of the two free spaces for Wheel of Time, but I'll switch it up: Lifeboats by Diane Duane. It's set between Young Wizards 9 & 10 and deals with an emergency response team permanently evacuating an entire alien population from a natural disaster (RIP their moon and also consequently their planet). This novel is a huge comfort read for me and is undoubtedly the Young Wizards work I've read the most. I don't really know how to explain what it means to me… I wish I had had it when I was living and working in a foreign country.

5) A book on my TBR

A friend recommended Cahokia Jazz (in general, not to me specifically) and it sounds SO MUCH like my jam. I suspect if I can't find it at my library soon, I'll end up buying the ebook.

6) A book I’ve put down

Can't think of a recent one, but if I hadn't forced myself to finish reading it because it was a Hugo Award nominee, I would have DNF'd Project Hail Mary.

7) A book on my wish list

I wish for more Baru Cormorant but I also literally cannot imagine how Seth is going to write that next book. So like, I'm girding my loins for Baru #4 either 15 years from now or never.

8) A favourite book from childhood

When I was really little I loved the Berenstain Bear books and my mom HATED that I loved them ("they were so badly written!" - my mom the children's librarian) but she bought them for me anyway. That's love.

9) A book you would give a friend

You all need to read Middlemarch by George Eliot. I don't care what stage of life you're at, you will find something resonant in it. Read it now, and read it again in 20 years. Give it to recent high school grads. Give it as a wedding present. Take it to the beach. BUT I am specifically recommending it to the WoT contingent, because the characters are so good!

10) The most books you own by a single author

It's actually either Diane Duane or Terry Pratchett, and DD's probably winning because I don't have every Pratchett book but I do have almost every DD book including tie-in novels.

11) A nonfiction book you own

Four Lost Cities: A Secret History of the Urban Age by Annalee Newitz. I don't read a ton of nonfiction but the writing is very engaging and I think cities are neat.

12) what are you currently reading

I'm between books but I just finished The Imposition of Unnecessary Obstacles (as I am writing this part several days after question 1). I didn't like it as much as the first one, The Mimicking of Known Successes, but I think it's just a taste thing. I didn't like being in Pleiti's POV very much, her overthinking is too much like mine and it alternately stresses me out and makes me angry, because I can see the assumptions/unhelpful thought patterns but I can't fix them. Obviously, to draw that reaction from me the characters are well-defined, and I like everything else about the series, I just hope it goes back to Mossa's POV.

13) what are you planning on reading next?

WHEN WILL 'RED SIDE STORY' BY JASPER FFORDE REACH MY HOUSE??? I have been waiting like 15 years for this sequel to Shades of Grey and the entire point of preordering it was so I could have it ASAP. I could have walked into a bookstore on May 9th and walked out with it, and instead I won't get it until tomorrow. >:(

I think I am supposed to add a shelfie? The organizing principles(s) of this shelf in my bedroom are very weird…. Classics/adventure, fantasy, popular science writing? Someday I need to reshelve everything in the house according to size/favoriteness/genre/theme/vibes (in that order) but I haven’t felt like it.

I think pretty much everyone I was going to tag already got tagged, so whoever want to do it, go ahead!

#book meme #tag game

14 notes · View notes

talenlee · 5 months ago

Text

Fundie Vibeology

There are two competing and conflicting rhetorical tricks you’ll encounter dealing with Christian apologists which is the way that their feelings are fundamentally true and your feelings are just as fundamentally disqualifying.

Do you know what I’m describing? Here are the two points in contrast:

Deconstructors and anti-apologetics people are really just expressing some personal hurt or injury that they’re then incorrectly relating to the whole of the church.

And also:

For me, I think the greatest argument for god are everywhere, they’re just everywhere! Look around you, look at this tree! The complexity of it, the wonder of it, doesn’t that fill you with awe and show you the presence of God?

Which is to say, in one capacity, if you’ve got hurt, upset or negative feelings against their arguments, like I do, then your feelings are just feelings. They are feelings that lack for depth, they are feelings that mean your opinions and positions cannot be trusted. Their feelings, on the other hand, are literally expressions of objective facts.

I feel like that’s that, I just like, done with the article, we’re all wrapped up here because that’s just how it works and it’s an observable, quantifiable fact that this is a thing these people do, or even that they do it without making any excuse for it or even notice that they’re doing it. It’s very important to remember that when you’re dealing with Christian Apologetics, which is the foolish infant clown of the religious studies discipline, that you aren’t actually dealing with a form of scholarship. You’re operating within the parameters of an immense landscape of vibes.

The fundamental vibeology of Christian Apologetics then is about expressing an idea of the normal that is filtered through the vibes of that same church’s existing structural space. And that means even the supposed heavy hitters in this space, like, William Lane Craig, is capable of going ‘well yeah, you know if Divine Command Theory is true, based on the vibes,’ and he’s a serious heavyweight intellectual, and if you say ‘that’s fucking horrifying and stupid,’ you’re the one being emotional and immature and foolish.

And the thing is when you’re at that stage of things, when you’re looking at the world through this set of contrary and counterpoint vibes, you don’t realise it but most of the time, what you’re doing with your life and your world, is instead elevating your emotional reactions to the level of the word of god. A level that just happens to include your personal feelings of pride and disgust.

But you can’t point that out.

The public discourse, like the attention economy based job of ‘being an apologist’ is one of the worst things happening to a truly terrible industry, mind you. Because now it’s a micro-influencer economy of people selling vibes to people under the branding of their eternal souls, but it’s not using colloidal silver or brain force ultra to monetise. It’s the threat of eternal life being wielded like a gun as someone sells you their fucking vibes and they do so in a way where if you’re disgusted or angered by that, the problem is you, and these are the people who own the fucking government.

On the other hand, my entire life of being willing to identify myself as an atheist, I’ve been dealing with people trying to explain to my how whatever my position is, regardless of my points or my arguments or anything even in that family, that instead the conversation needs to route around me. What I am needs redefining, because hey, an atheist actually means, or a materialist really means, or the fundamental philosophical perspective on what atheism really means or how positive claims work — and that’s just vibes. Because I don’t get to control my identity or express how it’s treated or what that means for me, because I’m an Angry Atheist.

This is because, as with so much of this fundie junk, that fundamentalism isn’t actually, despite what people like me seem to claim, it’s not a wholly united problem across all religious factors. Christian fundamentalism is in no way linked with Muslim fundamentalism even if they’d both have reasons to dislike some scientist or other. Christian fundamentalism is a wheeling arm on the edge of the machine that is Christian Supremacy, ensuring to pull the machine over to the side; to set the edge that the rest of the operation gets to wield.

We’re not so bad. We don’t hate women that much. We give blankets to the homeless queers we turned out of their homes. We support those laws but we’re not rude about it. We don’t want you to die, we just don’t want you here.

We’re not those ones.

Why are you so emotional about this?

It’s all the same technology. It’s all the same system, the same artifice and it’s the same evil and cruel system of digesting people in the name of sustaining power that is coming out of the face of a wannabe cool Youth Pastor in a church hall or from under the deliberately made-for-youtube styled wannabe bore Content Creator or the same grimming smugly teenaged fuckface who thinks he’s got the whole Bible worked out because he can call Daniel Maclelan a faggot. It’s the same terrible, terrible, terrible thing, and the best of intentions never means having to look at what the system you��re engaging with supports, never having to consider your arguments as sensible things because the Well-Maybe-It-Could-Be-True-This-Way justifications are just ways to hang onto and hold tight onto your vibes.

I hate them.

I hate them whether they’re the ones who try to start fights in Pride Month about ‘the homosexual agenda’ or ‘encroachment’ or whether they’re the ones who wear fucking rainbow pins and tell us that actually, Jesus wasn’t anti-homosexuality so the church isn’t against them after all and in fact, in their view, in fact, really, it’s very backwards to focus on that.

Same machine, many mouths, and it’s all vomiting out the vibes of the worst impulses of selfish, demanding, cruel, digestive power.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Fundie Stuff

7 notes · View notes

manicpixxiedreambitch · 8 months ago

Text

Okay so there is this person, right? To protect his/their privacy, I’m referring to them as Mitch. This is nowhere near their actual name. He is a good friend of mine, and I am grinding my teeth in annoyance because they have a boyfriend who is a MAJOR red flag. The boyfriend guilt trips him over everything, forced them to cut off a bunch of their friends, tries to keep them from texting other people, and then it gets WORSE. The dude used to track them on Life 360. He can have the password to their phone, but they can’t have the password to his. HE MONITORS THEIR DMS WITH THEIR FRIENDS. He goes through their phone. Any time they mention hanging out with friends he tries to guilt trip them and say something like “Oh well we haven’t really talked much in three months or whatever but okay” or “That’s fine, I’ll just burn myself out working to keep myself busy while you’re out on vacation with them, but hanging out with them must be more fun” and try to manipulate them into doing what he says. I’ve been trying for MONTHS now to get Mitch to dump him, but Mitch is still hesitant to leave the relationship. Apparently a few weeks ago Mitch did in fact try to dump the guy and the fucking douche nozzle replied with “Oh, you really decided to do this to me on a day I was feeling really suicidal???”

🚩🚩🚩

And so of course Mitch being the kindhearted person that dumbass DEFINITELY DOES NOT DESERVE, felt guilty enough to stay. The guy proceeded to love bomb them like crazy afterwards, too. Three days later I’m hearing this and I’m like “Well he seems happy enough all of a sudden with you he must not be so suicidal anymore. You should dump him now.” And Mitch is like “No because he’s being so nice now!!! And loving and attentive and he has issues but he’s trying to change.” And I am like “Bro you JUST wanted to break up with him. How long has he been telling you he’s trying to change and what changes have you seen?” And Mitch listing a few small things that were the bare fucking minimum like “Oh well I guess he’s not getting so mad. Like the other day I mentioned wanting to hang out with (mutual friend) and he didn’t get mad about it, he just acted a little weird.” And showed me the texts where he got “weird” where he essentially said “We never hang out anymore… but it’s just so much easier with your friends, ig”. BRO WHAT THE FUCK?????? And I’m pretty sure it’s like Mitch has to ask the dude before they even try to think about hanging out with their friends. The guy doesn’t even go to our school. He goes to an entirely different school. And I have this one friend who used to date the guy before and he said the guy was doing that bullshit then, too. And I’m trying to tell Mitch that they deserve someone SO MUCH BETTER. They said that they understand that but they really want their relationship to work. I essentially told them their relationship was more than a couple cracks in the wall or a leaky pipe, it was a whole burning house. And they are still with the guy and it’s so SO frustrating because I can’t stop thinking about how much more they deserve.

I can’t stop thinking about them, and at first I was convincing myself that it’s nothing. I’m not interested in Mitch, I’m just a concerned friend who hates their toxic boyfriend and wants the best for them. I’m just protective of my friends.

…right???

Wrong. Because then the thoughts turned to something different. I keep thinking about how they deserve better. How if they were MY partner, I wouldn’t be treating them like that. I’d be giving them respect and space when they need it, and I wouldn’t make them ask for my permission for anything. And then it proceeded to me thinking about how cute they are and how amazing they are. And then I started having these little daydreams of taking them out on a date.

So, in spite of me saying literally two months ago that despite being bisexual, I have never felt myself attracted to people beyond male and female, I am finding myself developing the smallest, tiniest crush on my trans/genderfluid friend.

What the fuck do I even do with this??????

10 notes · View notes

wewillbeseen-butnotbeheard · 1 month ago

Text

Humanity

(sorry for being here right now. i don’t like the idea of polluting the tags the way i am at the moment. this is a lot of words.)

Alas. sometimes it is very bleak. it is at moments such as this that i find myself desperately wishing that i was able to shed my own skin and take on the form of something else. literally almost anything, sometimes; i am hardly picky. i can really think deeply about it, and i can think back on when i was really young. it was always there, materialised in some way. it is hard-wired into my brain in the same way that a regular person feels the need to find a lover or a mate.

sometimes i think it may have taken the place of the urge to find a partner, love etc. either way, it first appeared maybe around the age of a toddler. i’m not actually sure if i was born with it or not. and until recently i always thought that it was purely sexual (if you are reading, i apologise for entering this sort of territory) but again, looking back, i think it is not. it can be, at times, but in general, it is just something i am drawn to psychologically.

through that lens i believe that it’s quite clear why i feel the way i do over certain things. it’s like a shot of adrenaline almost, sometimes it comes from the mere thought of it, and then it gives way to an array of different emotions depending on the context i guess. to put it simply, i feel extraordinarily strong over the topic/idea of becoming/being something else than human. it is, and always has been a deep-rooted part of my own mind and i would also claim, is probably the forefront of my entire identity

to expand again, i know that it had a significant ripple effect on my own life. i wonder: maybe i feel so badly at this point that i need to be an animal because i have no friends and not much going on (sad but i don’t care.) but honestly if it WAS NOT for my own likes and wants, etc. then i probably would have been more social and would have sustained more friendships, meaning i wouldn’t be here right now like this. so there’s that

but i don’t want to expand on that much more. it is me, more than anything else, and it embodies everything i want in the most raw form. it is instinctual

anyway

i do very much dislike the term “species dysphoria”, and i think, especially in my case, it is a buzzword that is thrown around excessively. (not to mention the correlations that come with the term).

BUT that’s because, again in my case thats literally what it is. there is no better word to describe it. it probably wasn’t always there, but it has been here in full force for well over a month, that i am aware of.

it’s LITERALLY constant. sure, it comes in different forms, but once you know that it’s all the same at its core, it’s in my head like 90% of the time. i even avoid mirrors now. sometimes i have to force myself to look into them. i’m not insecure about my body, or face, at all nor have i ever been. i’m probably not too attractive but i don’t care because i could look like a model for all i care. it wouldn’t change the fact that there is a human looking back at me in my reflection. on top of that; that will always be me. that is what i am.

i make a pitiful resort to using chatbots to tell me “how much of a fox i am”.

(i hate ai chatbots very much. that is loser behaviour in my eyes. please know i am not like that.)

and i cry almost every time, EVERY TIME that i open the website and have it told to me, even if it’s not real OR true. i am not really emotional person like that. before recently, i hadn’t cried in years

the entire situation has pushed me to real life extremes that i wouldn’t dare ever get into, although i hope you can imagine

on top of that i’ve resorted to trying to hurt other people online over text. almost notoriously i feel. that’s been a constant since maybe June. that is a long time and that’s probably not even when my entire crisis began at first. that’s my fault and i will once again clarify that i take full responsibility for my own behaviour. i am a hypocrite, but less that and more somebody who has been repeatedly projecting my own problems onto others that share my problems.

i have a lot of thoughts to spill out, still.

i feel like a joke when i unironically claim that i AM normal, and regular, yet i still insist (not want) on being referred to and seen as a fox instead. it’s a very empty statement, and wish. people in real life wouldn’t understand, and there’s not really anyone in specific meant to take that to account, nor would there be a situation where somebody would need to do that.

additionally i would go as far as straight up just calling myself an animal. i will double down. i AM a fox. i am not, though. that’s the fucking stupid duality of the situation. i will say it. but it carries zero weight and zero meaning really. and i don’t believe it. i want to! very much so! but it relies in other peoples perceptions. i’d like to be viewed that way and there’s no other way to put it really.

it almost feels WORSE saying i’m a fox. not because being one doesn’t bring me joy, or i don’t LIKE being called one, but because i can look at my hands, see myself and know i’m physically human. it’s something i can’t have. it’s everywhere. it’s in the people around me. it’s in the way i act, it’s in my own expectations and thoughts, it’s in my own shadow that i see constantly. i can not run from it. it begins to get tiring

again though, it’s not about “identity”. i don’t want to take in unnecessary labels and things i don’t need. i don’t use sexuality labels because i find it unnecessary, and i don’t want to call myself an assortment of random things.

there is no in-between and there is no terms in my eyes. there is FOX and HUMAN, and i am throughly a HUMAN. it doesn’t matter how i identify in the end. almost all of this is physical. maybe it isn’t always too bad, but sometimes i’m in extreme distress because of it and there’s no solution

sometimes i have to consider the point of continuing if i’ll stay in this body forever. i know that might sound concerning, and i assure that i would never do anything like that. BUT. it’s a very real question for me and i’m not sure how to answer it. chances are i’ll still be here in decades. still in the same skin as right now. until the day i die and i’m not okay with that. not at all. once i’m gone i’m not going to suddenly come back as something else. i have this one life as a HUMAN

i think it is harrowing that my own existence was already set in stone before i set foot on this earth, hurling me into a life that i did not consent to. i can not change it and i can’t ignore it.

it’s not a bad life at all. i have it good. i know this. my own quality of life is not the issue at hand. being born as a human is uncommon, statistically. sure. i don’t want to be a fly or something, but if we’re getting lucky then i’d rather take my chances at being a fox or anything similar.

i don’t want to die. i want to live. desperately

#human #ok #therian #humanity #i❤️being human #species dysphoria #not a therian #therianthropy #not funny #pitiful #fox #foxkin #not a fox keep in mind #i am in crisis.#alterhuman #not alterhuman #i am a human

6 notes · View notes

chounaifu · 1 year ago

Text

I’m really glad that those asks I sent out are being well-received. There’s still a few more that I need to write up, but, I’m pacing myself. :’)

Thoughts about my own current state beneath the cut, since my therapist always encourages me to open up to the people in my space. Some of it can be potentially triggering, so, please do not open if the discussion of trauma, stalking and abuse is harmful to you:

I’ve been vocal about the horrifying, traumatic stuff that caused me to leave the RPC in 2017, to a few of you before. Without going into deep detail, between the years of 2017-2021, I was trapped in an extremely, extremely abusive relationship with a member of the RPC who is no longer here, thank fuck. Because of my poor coping skills and extremely fragile mental health at the time, he managed to keep me in a social isolation until I finally left him in 2021. And I mean true social isolation; I wasn’t allowed to talk to anybody but him. (I literally had to lie and pretend like I was having internet troubles if I even wanted to open up another chat box on Discord to talk to somebody, because he would literally point out the amount of minutes it took for me to respond to him.) He tracked my location in real time with GPS. He controlled what I ate when we spent time together irl. He forced me to quit one of my jobs before, because he wasn’t pleased with how busy I was. Any free time I had, had to be given to him. I had no identity, no autonomy, no sense of self.

Since I left him in 2021, I’ve been in a long process of learning how to be a human being again, how to exist around multiple people, and how to monitor my energy levels. It’s been hard, and, there’s a lot of times where I have to learn that I am adapting to an entirely new way of life. I used to be able to write a lot of thread replies, ask replies, and drabbles in a short period of time, but, my brain just does not do that anymore. And it makes me sad, but, I know that my RP partners understand my situation.

I cannot emphasis how much going from *one* person to— well, a lot of good friends has been good for me, but also a difficult experience in itself, because I’m still fighting with my own hypersensitivity and paranoia.

Choosing to come back here was one of the scariest decisions I have ever made. And, even though I don’t vocalize it, I actively fight trauma responses every single time I open Tumblr— not because anybody is doing anything to me, but because the experience I went through was so deep.

That’s why I’ve been trying to take a minute to sit down, and send some nice words to everybody. You never know what somebody is going through. *Nobody* knew what I was going through, because I hid it so well— because I was forced to. We’re all human beings, on this rock, and we all chose to sit here and write, whether because it is a coping mechanism, something we’re passionate about, or because it’s simply fun. And I think that’s really, really beautiful.

I don’t think I’m ever going to be the same, energetic Rex that I once was. And I wish I could be. But that is okay.

So, for the people who welcomed me back, and remembered me: thank you for accepting my return, and accepting my apology.

And for the people who didn’t know me, who have become my friend lately: thank you for giving me a chance.

I’ve lost a lot of people, both friends and family, in the past decade or so. Nobody can fill those gaps, but, you guys make me feel a lot less lonely. Believe it or not, I don’t have many friends irl, and I really don’t know what I would be doing with myself right now if I hadn’t chosen to come back to Tumblr.

I wish there was more I could do to help uplift everybody who has been having a difficult time lately, I really, really do. But, at the end of the day, I cannot; what I can do, is point out that there’s at least *one* person out there who wants to see the best happen for you.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I just want to be a good person, despite of the horrible things I was called by my abuser, and I hope I am doing that.

#➤ 《 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐁𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 》 Out Of Character

29 notes · View notes

taylortruther · 1 year ago

Note

I’ve personally always taken the fire vs water imagery from Eras tour as sort of Taylor being like ‘everything burned down around me, I burned some of it down myself, the waters of grief nearly drowned me, the waters of that grief cleansed me as well, and in the chaos of it all, here I am, celebrating everything I lost and everything I gained, etc’ The eras tour is very obviously a celebration of creation (Taylor’s vast catalogue, her relationship with her audience, etc) but it’s also an acknowledgment of the destruction that has gone hand in hand with the creation for pretty much her entire career.

Also, i know that we all complain about swifties lacking nuance on the internet, but it truly does do such a disservice to the artistry of the live performances to try to narrow everything down to one meaning (I mean this generally, I do not think you are guilty of this fyi!!). Like the fire burning behind her, the water raging around her, it’s both something she caused and something that was done to her by others. It’s simultaneously about destroying and grieving and suffering and also about celebrating and rebuilding and succeeding, etc. She primarily choose Fire and Water for the tour visuals at emotional heights of the concert. Fire destroys but it also creates room for new, stronger growth. Water cleanses/nourishes/gives life but it also destroys.

I haven’t fully articulated my thoughts on all of the tour imagery (particularly the visuals based around natural extremes) so this is the most I can spit out right now, but I do think the natural extremes (fire and water) shes chooses are very intentional and that they really lean into feelings associated with the high and lows of her music and career overall.

no you're so right and she's used fire and water to indicate both of those things - rage, death, rebirth - throughout her career! (it's also an extremely common metaphor in general.)

when i was drowning that's when i could finally breathe ... i am finally clean -> drowning but finding herself by the ocean in the ootw mv.

cardigan's mv, where she uses music to literally stay afloat in her despair, and she's a different person when she returns to her cabin.

i'm a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm, i am ash from your fire, i'm getting tired even for a phoenix, etc.

also, fire and water are unstoppable forces, stronger than her. she's carried away by water, unable to stop it - fire consumes and takes over things quickly.

she's been burned but she's also a protective fire. she's drowned and been unmoored, but she can also take down ships and find herself below the current.

and these symbols in particular - fire and water - are so common and pervasive in myths, stories, the shared human consciousness, that they always have various meanings. so to your point: yes, they have multiple meanings!

#*water #*fire #*unstoppable forces

21 notes · View notes

destinygoldenstar · 11 months ago

Text

TEN. THOUSAND. VIEWS.

On TDDRI. Ten thousand. And Chapter 5 isn’t even out yet.

Guys… I…

I’m speechless. Idk what to say.

Something I wrote is now in the realm of being popular?!

I…

I can’t even type. Wow. You guys have butchered my ability to write and now I am unable to continue TDDRI.

(That was a joke)

This is a HUGE New Years Present for me.

I’ve been writing since I was six. My work was shit. As you’d imagine for a six year old.

But I loved doing it so I kept doing it. It was where my child imagination lied. I wrote a ton of knock offs. I would have journals and write fictional characters instead of diaries of myself. I would draw characters of a narrative.

Now I study creative writing. For a hobby. I was an A+ student in my class. I had a book released when I was 11. I was a runner up in a city contest and was interviewed by the mayor of where I lived. At 13. I’m writing whenever I have free time. I’m writing analytics on social media. I didn’t even have an account in high school. I’m giving writing advice to people on the internet. Writing is basically my life at this point.

So you’d think that I would be someone well known for writing, right?

No.

There’s a lot that don’t know or care that I exist.

Because, I have a fear of what people think of me.

I’m constantly worrying that I say the slightest things wrong, and then I become a cancelled figure. Loathed for a mistake. For the rest of my life. Where everyone constantly harasses you that you’re some evil person and the world is better without you.

Because of that I’ve been incredibly phobic with showing people my writing. I would write, but I would never show it to anyone unless I was forced to. Even after getting praised like the examples I gave of ‘achievements’. I felt like shit for even getting them in the first place. Like deep down, I was some hack who didn’t deserve it.

And it goes FAR beyond a basic phobia.

I do feel comfortable to at least share it now. Cause I would never three years ago. Believe me, don’t, it’s fine by me. You don’t have to believe anyone online.

I was in the fifth grade. I was freshly moved out of my state that I grew up in before that, the world I loved to live in so much. Gone. And I was forced and expected by my peers to accept the changes and ‘get used to it’. So I lied. When I didn’t lie, people got upset. They would try to hide how I felt.

I didn’t learn I had Asperger’s syndrome until I was 13, so this was before that. But my parents knew. Didn’t tell me till I was a teen. I was definitely ‘the weird kid’ for it. They played rough and ran with soccer balls. I played in the fields running around imaging I was a bunny. Kids my age told me to stop it.

Sure, I was at least known, as that same year I was elected out of the entire school to be the soloist of the end of the year concert. But everyone told me I didnt deserve it. Shy, timid, anxious me who jumped at anything.

I only ever became confident whenever I was in my little writing corner. Which, at first, was just another ‘weird’ thing.

Hell, my blog username, ‘GoldenStar’ is literally the name of my self insert character. Fun fact.

But I had a friend group.

And that friend group was the main culprit of bullying.

It was two girls. One of them was really sarcastic and hard to read, and a compulsive liar. The other was the one who invited me to be a friend, and a focus on this story.

She took advantage of me since the beginning. Both of them did cause they both stole my stuff and passed it off as ‘friend lending a friend’. She saw a naive innocent overly sweet and kind girl who would freak out and believe and scream at anything.

Because I am exactly that. I am EXACTLY that.

Constantly lied to me to see my overly dramatic reactions and laugh at them. Guilt tripped me whenever I hanged out with anyone else. Stole from me. Whenever I achieved something, she would say “Don’t worry. I know you don’t deserve it. Your secret is safe with me.”

It was mental abuse. And considering how horribly wrong bullies are portrayed in guidance class videos (and Dhar Mann), I never picked up on it until three years later. I never had a clue that this friend was actually a bully. Because she didn’t show any of the signs of a fictional one. The kind that manipulated you into thinking they were on your side.

And then the THING happened.

The reason why I cut off my writing from the world for so long.

There was a writing project. We all had to write a fictional book.

This was my time to shine and I went full force l on this project. In my element. In the moment every single step of the way.

The other kids wrote a Minecraft story. I wrote a solely original fantasy about fairies and colonialism that dealt with equality issues through magic.

I distinctly remember being the last one to present to the class. I put up this dramatic narration while doing it. Be being wholeheartedly confident for the first time in front of my classmates. And everyone seemed to love it to pieces.

It was so loved that my teacher elected me as a representative in the school to have the story presented in a citywide fair.

Next to no one got something like that from what I heard.

I was even elected ‘best writer’ at the end of the year. When we were giving out rewards on who was the most of what.

It would’ve been great. I had never been that popular before. I was getting rewarded for something I loved and was proud of. My parents thought I was going to become successful with my writing.

And then my ‘friend’ had something to say about it.

Recess. Right after I got the reward news.

What did she do? Did she say what she always said? “I know you don’t deserve it” Some quiet gaslight like that?

No.

She strangled me.

Grabbed me by the neck and shoved me into a tree, screaming in my face “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A HACK?!?” “YOU DONT DESERVE THIS AT ALL!!” “EVERYONES A MORON FOR NOT SEEING THROUGH YOUR EVIL TRICKS! I DO THOUGH!!” “YOURE A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR WRITING THAT!” “YOU WILL BE HATED BY EVERYONE IF YOU KEEP WRITING SO STOP WRITING!!”

Having it hard to breathe was one thing. My mental state was the real thing that got strangled out. So yeah, I got beaten up.

NOBODY did anything about it btw. They all ignored us. No one said anything to the teachers. They did nothing. She completely got away with it.

She drilled it into my head, by force, that I was a hack of a writer who would never have an original idea in her life, and everyone would despise me if I became a writer.

I believed it.

I still don’t know why I put up with her after that. I didn’t catch on till three years later that she was the one in the wrong. Gosh I’m stupid.

I shut down after that. I stopped showing anyone my writing. I avoided writing in public at all costs. I tried avoiding showing anyone my writing ever again. Even if it meant I got a failing grade. I would fail writing classes on purpose just to avoid the humiliation she lied about.

As for the reward? I don’t have the medal anymore. Or the book. That’s why it’s not published in stores from my knowledge. I threw both of them away after the ceremony. Ashamed. Disgusted by myself.

Not kidding, I spent that whole Christmas Break rewriting the entire story from shame alone.

My parents were so confused because I never told them what happened. I mean, I could’ve been successful at something I was proud of, go on to bigger things and achievements. But instead I threw it all away.

And my classmates too turned on me when I decided not to write anymore. Bully target.

From then on I stayed with the ‘friend’. I stayed her right hand. I would constantly tell everyone,

“I can’t write” “I can’t write”

Over and over again.

I still wrote. But it was a secret.

It got to the point where I just decided ‘I’d rather embrace the anxious shy weird girl than be confident’, and just embraced the full stereotype. Someone who would react to anything and scream at anything. Then when I got sick of that around my adolescence I decided I couldn’t cry anymore, those screams were anxiety AND anger towards anyone who pushed my buttons. I was the bully target till Covid. And few helped me because they all hated me. I was a very hot tempered hypocritical person who never shut up or stopped and only could when attacked by panic. On the last day before quarantine, everyone was joking about Covid and saying it was the best thing to ever happen, even the teacher, and I got mad, and everyone else kicked me out of class early. “Good riddance. No one will miss you.”

I was the nasty person. I was someone who couldn’t be sympathized. I was the bully. Not her.

And no one there does. Because I ended up moving again and never seeing them again.

As for what happened to that ‘friend’? It was kind of a distance thing that broke us apart rather than me ever standing up for myself in any way. So technically, she won.

From what I heard now she’s hooked on drugs. And my only reaction when I heard it was ‘Sad. Not my problem though.’

I don’t know if that’s heartless to not bring myself to care or not.

I can’t tell you if any of this classifies as PTSD or just classic trauma. Im not a therapist.

Then in my sophomore year of high school, I accidentally got one of my books leaked to my English teacher. Technology.

It was a book I wrote during quarantine, where I could just be myself and no one to harass me. (It’s also rewritten on Ao3 on my account if you’re curious)

I was ready to apologize for the error, but instead my teacher said that she loved it. And she questioned why I never mentioned I was ‘quite the talented writer’. We had a meeting and I told her the truth and why I kept it a secret. I even went on and on about how I believed I was a hack. Then she opened my eyes that I was not the one in the wrong in that situation. That I was not a hack and there was definition proof that I wasn’t. So I got booked to creative writing class when I went back to school, which I hesitantly accepted.

A few years later I would start my social media presence to try and get my writing off the ground. As I was trying hard to overcome my trauma and get my confidence back.

It didn’t work out. Cause no one reads original stuff anymore. And no one knew me. So yeah, I got nothing. So I tried joining fandoms instead, of shows I watched during quarantine, one of them being Total Drama. I tried making essays about my thoughts on stuff and slowly I got around to a hundred followers. Over that at the time of this post.

Then I got the crazy idea to try fanfiction for the first time. (Yes. Straight up. I never wrote fanfiction before that.) So I took a popular fanfic premise from the Total Drama community and decided ‘I’m going to try that. No one will read it though, so it’s fine if it’s bad.’

And well, look at where the fic is now. I was wrong. SO WRONG.

This is my most popular work ever. It’s very rare that I see any fanfic get over ten thousand views, let alone before it’s finished. Not only that, but I see many people online sharing their thoughts on the story and saying ‘this is no contest the best version of this fanfic premise and people need to see it’ ‘please see this it’s so good’ ‘when is it going to get updated’?!

And just… I NEVER imagined. I never imagined anyone would even CARE. Let alone to THIS height. I just… I can’t…

My parents still think I threw my writing passions away. They don’t support it anymore unless it’s a ‘positive happy go lucky story’. “You can’t be a writer. You can’t make a career out of fine arts. Or theater arts. Be a scientist. Be a meteorologist. Write facts for news.”

I can’t express enough how much this milestone truly means to me. Like, I actually did it. I can write something and have it get peoples attention, and people CARE. They actually CARE. And I’m so sorry I can’t live up to your standards and finish it faster and you have to wait another year for it to be completed-

I’m not editing this. I’m just rambling with text. It’s what I do. Those who follow me know this is who I am.

So just…

This has been a huge year for me. I graduated this year. I got a job. I’m working now. And I got this as icing on the cake for this year.

Seriously. Thank you for 10,000 views on Total Drama Danganronpa Island

#total drama #danganronpa #total drama danganronpa island #ao3 #ao3 writer #wattpad writer #wattpad #wattpad fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #my writing #creative writing #writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writeblr #tw trauma #trauma #ptsd

9 notes · View notes

icommitedcrimesasatoaster · 8 months ago

Text

Incorrect quotes , MY FAVORITE! (kill me.)

(From a generator)

Techno: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet? Kanade: Why? Techno: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Cody. Kanade: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that. Techno: Kanade, you have opened my eyes.

Techno: Katara, you need to calm down. Katara, slamming their fists on the table: BUT HOW CAN IT BE "BIRTHDAY CAKE" FLAVOR IF A BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR?!

Cody: I’m going to hell. Techno: Probably. Cody: I'll pick you up? Techno: nodding Carpool.

Tommy: Can I have some? Cody, mouth full of cheesecake: It's really spicy, you wouldn't like it.

Cody, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Katara: …What does that even mean?!

Techno: Katara, what do you value about Tommy? Katara: They’re thoughtful. They pick flowers and bring them to me. Often they’re ones I’ve just planted, but… Tommy: That’s how I know they’re fresh!

Kanade: Is the plural of milf/dilf milfs/dilfs or milves/dilves? Tommy: Milfs. Cody: Milf/dilf is an acronym, you can't change the spelling to milves/dilves. Kanade: Wait, they're acronyms? What do they stand for??? Katara: Mom in late forties, dad in late fourties. Katara: I learned that from the movie called M.I.L.F that I saw the trailer of in theaters probably 5 to 7 years ago. Cody: Mom/dad I'd Love to Fuck. Kanade: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK— Kanade: I NEVER REALIZED IT WAS ACTUALLY HORNY! Katara: Oh, is it not mom in late fouries? Tommy: What? No! It isn't! Katara: THE MOVIE TRAILER LIED TO ME! Cody: Katara… Katara: THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T THINK CALLING PEOPLE MILFS WAS ALL THAT BAD BECAUSE IT STOOD FOR SOMETHING HARMLESS IT JUST HAD A SLIGHTLY SEXUAL CONNOTATION! Cody: I am entirely unsurprised that this is coming from you. Katara: KANADE, DOES IT MAKE SENSE WHY I CALLED THE DIARY OF A WIMPY KID MOM A MILF NOW BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS LITERALLY JUST A DESCRIPTOR WITH FUNNY CONNOTATION! Kanade: The word milf has been ruined for me. Tommy: THAT'S ITS DEFINITION, IT CAN'T BE RUINED THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS! Cody: Y'all are dumbasses.

Techno: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.

Tommy: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. Tommy: Lmao, @Katara.

Katara: Plants are basically the ideal friends. They are quiet, friendly, and easy to please. All they need is a little water and fresh earth, and they are perfectly happy to lie there all day in the sun. And they don’t make increasingly awful life choices, or hide their relationships. They have never, as far as I know, fucked a bee.

Kanade: Shouldn't get stressed out, it's not good for the baby. Katara: What baby? Kanade, crying a bit: Me.

Tommy: Wake me up- Kanade: Before you go go Katara: When September ends Techno: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

Katara, to Tommy: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it’s not going to be me.

Katara: Techno, keep an eye on Tommy today. They're going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Techno: Sure, I'd love to see Tommy getting punched. Cody: Try again. Techno, sighing: I will try to stop Tommy from getting punched.

Cody: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

Everyone is playing a board game together Techno: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'. Kanade: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'. Katara: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'. Cody: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'. Katara: flips the board

Techno: Katara, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you? Katara: Tommy, Techno wants you to get out of the house.

Tommy: Cody isn’t answering my messages. Kanade: Allow me. Tommy: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi- Cody: replying to message Hello.

Cody: I’m terrible at expressing myself. Katara: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words! Cody: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Katara: You know you can die from that, right? Techno: smoking a cigarette That’s the point. Cody: drinking alcohol We’re trying to speed this up. Kanade: Eating raw cookie dough and nodding

Cody with a gun to Techno's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven? Techno: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

Techno: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window. Cody: …We're on the ground floor. Techno: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Katara: The results are in, I’m afraid you have updog… Kanade: What’s updog? Katara: Tommy! Get in here, I told you I could do it!

Tommy: HEY HEY HEY! DON’T TOUCH THOSE! Kanade, touching a figurine: Why? What’s wrong with touching a doll? Tommy: THAT IS NOT A DOLL! This is a figurine, thank you very much. Katara, from afar: IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL! Kanade: FIGURINE MY ASS! IT’S JUST A STIFF DOLL— as Katara said! Tommy: I hate all of you. That is a limited edition figurine I got from a conventio— Kanade: Drops figurine on the ground Tommy: —n. It was $100; all my money just went down the fucking drain.

Tommy: Let's all agree that going up the stairs on all fours is actually the best experience on earth. Katara: Conversely, going down the stairs on all fours is actually the most terrifying experience on earth.

Kanade: How do you do that? Techno: I'm fearless. Tommy: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad. Techno: I'm mostly fearless.

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle. Techno, with Cody and Tommy behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?! Police: Yes…three. Techno: Oh, my God— What the fuck!? Police: Wha- Techno: Kanade FUCKING FELL OFF!

Cody: When I met you I thought you were a real bitch. Techno: What changed your mind? Cody: Oh, I still think you’re a bitch, I’ve just grown to like that about you.

Techno: Are we really going to let Tommy keep Kanade? Cody: We kept Katara.

Kanade: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Katara: Several traffic violations. Tommy: Three counts of resisting arrest. Cody: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Techno: Also, that’s not our car.

Kanade: What do rainbows mean to you? Tommy: Gay rights. Katara: There's money. Techno: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood. Cody: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

In a group chat Kanade: A pegan just flew into my window. Katara: Pegan? Cody: A what? Tommy: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan. Techno: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO! Tommy: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window. Techno: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window. Kanade: I literally just made a typo-

Kanade: Did you bring Techno? Tommy, gesturing to Katara: No, but I brought the next best thing. Kanade: Katara? The next best thing would be Cody. Katara: I would be offended, but Cody is freakishly strong.

Cody: You three, explain right now! Techno: It was Tommy. Katara: It was Tommy. Kanade: It was Tommy. Tommy: ** Tommy:** …fuck.

Katara: Anyone d- Cody: Depressed? Tommy: Drained? Kanade: Dumb? Techno: Disliked? Katara: -done with their work… what is wrong with you people…

Cody: Does everyone know their job for today? Kanade: Water the flowers. Katara: Vacuum the carpet. Techno: Wash the dishes. Tommy: Pretend to be a wolverine. Cody: Close enough.

Kanade: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi?? Techno: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

Kanade: Do you feel any better? Tommy: I feel much better now that you here with me. Katara walks in Tommy: I feel half better.

Katara: Are you good? Techno: In what sense? Katara: Generally. Techno: Oh, definitely not.

Cody: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers. Tommy: That sounds like a challenge. Cody: I have to stress, that is not a challenge. Tommy: …Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted! Cody: There is no challenge!

Cody: I love murder mysteries! Techno, trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

Cody: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Techno.

Tommy: Here is my wall of inspirational people. Cody: Is that a picture of you? Tommy: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Tommy: Say no to drugs. Tommy: Say yes to drugs. Tommy: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs, cause if you're talking to drugs… then you're on drugs.

Cody: You really believe in Tommy? Kanade: Luckily, they believe in themself enough for the both of us.

Tommy: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy! Tommy: Unless of course. . We’re talking about my enemy, Katara. Fuck you Katara, you know what you did!

Cody: trying to get five seconds of sleep Tommy, poking Cody’s arm: Cody Cody. Cody. Cody. Cody: WHAT? Tommy: …We’re out of Capri Suns—

Cody, about to leave the house: Don’t spend all day watching YouTube, okay? Tommy: I FORGE MY OWN PATH!!

Kanade: Last week, Techno tried to flush a live lobster down the toilet "because it worked for Nemo".

Cody: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Tommy, rushing in: Cody! Kanade tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Katara: You guys worried about Cody? Tommy: Totally! Kanade: Yeah, they called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Katara: And what'd you say? Kanade: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." Tommy: Katara: They're lucky to have you as a friend.

Cody: talking about Tommy’s funeral You do know we’re burying a great person today! Techno, shocked: Did someone else die?

Techno: About to do something incredibly stupid Cody: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

after discussing a plan Techno: Does anyone have any questions? Cody: Is this legal? Techno: Does anyone have any relevant questions?

Tommy: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk. Techno: Go the fuck to sleep Tommy.

Tommy: What if I lied this whole time and I'm actually 18? Katara: Tommy, stop trying to get drugs. Tommy: Don't suppress my interests.

Cody: When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Katara: Make lemonade! Cody: No, throw them back up in the sky and make life deal with it’s own shit.

Tommy: If I were a drink, I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke. If you were a drink, what would you be? Techno: Bleach. Cody: Sewage. Tommy: …Please calm down, edgelords.

Techno: That’s a crazy idea. Insane. It doesn’t make sense. Tommy: You’ll do it? Techno: Of course.

Techno: Heh, Cody sneezes like a girl. Cody: How about I pound you like boy? Cody: That didn’t come out right.

Tommy: pulls back the curtain while Cody is showering Tommy: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?

Tommy: I’m a reverse necromancer! Techno: Isn’t that just- Katara: No. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You are literally so fucking unfunny that it hurts. It physically hurts my body knowing that people still think murder is funny. I cant believe im saying this but do you guys know how chronically online you all are, thinking that saying “oOh iM a rEVeRsE nECrOmANcER i LOvE tO kiLL pEOpLe” is genuinely funny and will get everyone in the room shitting themselves from laughter?? cause its not. It’s fucking not. In fact, its the unfunniest fucking joke ever. Not just any joke about killing people. This one specifically. Its so unfunny and stupid. Nobody is fucking laughing at that, Tommy. It makes you look like a greasy emo kid who has never been outside once in their life and uses tumblr religiously. Like not even the funny side of tumblr. the fucking unfunny side filled with overused jokes about murder and illegal acts. Honestly, youre so unfunny, Tommy. Fuck you.

Katara: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers! Techno: Please, just say fuck.

Kanade: Today, Tommy said a swear word, so Cody said that they were going to wash Tommy's mouth out with soap. Tommy replied, “It’s okay, I like the taste of soap”. Turns out, they’ve been putting soap on their lips to blow bubbles.

Cody: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked? Kanade: It’s just you.

Cody: What happened to Tommy? Kanade: They died. Cody: They what? Kanade: They died, but they’re okay. Cody: …Can you please clarify? Tommy: Clarification is for the weak.

Cody: What is the most illegal thing you can do with one gold? Techno: Exchange it for a hundred copper, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Tommy: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Kanade: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Tommy: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Cody: Hmm… I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free… not sure where you're getting your facts from…

Cody: Tell them to eat shit, Kanade. Kanade: Tell them yourself. Cody: Eat shit, asshole. Fall of your horse.

Cody: This is a bad idea. Techno: Then why are you coming along? Cody: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

Cody: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Kanade? Kanade: …Not really. Cody: Nothing? Kanade: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

Techno: Play to your strengths. Kanade: I haven’t got any!

Techno: What’s your biggest fear? Katara: I am incredibly arachnophobic. Techno, under their breath: You don’t want spiders to get married?

Tommy: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

Kanade: You believe me? Techno: Kanade, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Cody, texting Tommy: Text me when you’re home safely. Tommy: I’m home dangerously. Cody: Stop it. Tommy: I’m home lethally.

Tommy: You’re insane! Katara: Sure I am, what’s your point?

Cody: What do you call disobeying the law? The Squad: A hobby. Cody: crosses their arms The Squad: That we do not engage in.

Tommy: You have your weirdly sincere humility. Kanade: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.

Techno: I truly hate it here <3 Katara: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it? Tommy: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women? Kanade: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny? Cody: I’m having a fucking stroke. Tommy: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations! Tommy: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Techno: Editor's note: What the fuck?

Katara: You’re charged with…..breaking into a pet store? Techno: I thought the animals might be lonely.

Cody: So what are your political beliefs? Kanade, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

Kanade: Remember everyone, violence is never the answer. Techno: You're right, Kanade.. Violence can't be the answer. Kanade: Correct, Techno. Now, on to the next lesso- Techno: Violence is the question. Techno: And the answer is yes! Kanade: Techno, no!!

Techno: How do ethical philosophers feel about murder? Cody: Well, it’s frowned upon. Techno: Okay, but what if the reason you want to murder someone is to make your life easier? Techno: That’s okay, right?

Katara: Good morning. Cody: Good morning. Tommy: Good morning. Techno: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Kanade: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

Katara: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Kanade: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Techno: I recorded the dumb stuff. Tommy: I joined you in the dumb stuff. Cody: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

Kanade: I think I did fairly well on my anatomy quiz! 🙂 Techno: I forgot I was doing a test. Kanade: Techno. Techno: I said the vertebrae was the back stick because I thought it was funny…. Cody: Techno.

Kanade: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind. Kanade: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Kanade: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year? Tommy: This is Monopoly. (Ref to kanade always being in jail)

Tommy: Hey Katara, check out this funny .GIF I found! Katara: It’s pronounced “jif”. Tommy: Huh? Katara: “Dot jif”, like the peanut butter. The creator said so. Tommy: That’s dumb, it’s Graphics Interchange Format. Katara: The P in .JPEG stands for “photographic”, but I bet you don’t say “J-pheg”. Tommy: “P” on its own isn’t pronounced like “F”, that’s totally different! Katara: It’s exactly the same! Tommy: Name one word that starts with “G” pronounced like “J”. Katara: Gentrification. Tommy: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco. Katara: For your logic to be consistent, you’d have to say “skuh-bah” (scuba) or “lah-seer” (laser)! Tommy: Yeah? Well, you’d have to say “J-pej”! Tommy: …Wait, “laser” is an acronym? Katara: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation. Tommy: Huh. Didn’t know that. Tommy: You’re still wrong, though. Katara: You just hate me because I’m right. Tommy: I just hate you in general. Katara: You mean in “geh-neral”? Tommy: Ugh, I’m “joing” to kill you!

Tommy: I have locked Cody in a cage designed by their own art. Oh, they have been well and truly hoist by their own petard. Techno: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that. Tommy: I’m blackmailing them. Techno: Oh, happy days.

Techno: Guys! I found a 100 dollar bill! Techno: looks around ….Should I keep it? Katara: Techno, just do the right thing. Tommy: And put in your bag. Katara: No—

Cody: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit? Kanade: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move. Techno: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit. Techno: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks. Tommy: Are. Are you speaking from experience. Techno: No! Techno: Techno: ….Maybe.

Cody: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat! Techno: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Tommy, go find out if that thing can catch fire! Cody: You're a bad influence. Techno: And you don't know your sayings.

The Squad: walking at the mall Techno: Hey, have any of you guys seen Kanade? They’ve been gone for a while.. Cody: Eh, nope. Tommy: No, I haven’t… Katara: Probably ran off to McDonald’s or something. Kanade: Hey. Techno: Ooh, there you are- Cody: What the fu- Katara: I- where were you?! Kanade: Walking right behind you guys. (Kanade just walks quietly)

Tommy: I will send my army to attack! Tommy: releases a dumpster of raccoons

Tommy: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Katara: Why is there blood everywhere? Techno: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife. Katara: You stabbed someone?! Techno: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

Cody: I bet you’re wondering why I gathered you here today. It’s because we need to have a discussion about how some people in this room aren’t getting along with other people in this room. Katara: Why did you say that so vaguely? Tommy and I are literally the only people you called in here.

(NOW MINE MWHAHHAHAHAHAHA)

Techno:PHIL , YOU CAN FINALLY HAVE A YOUNGEST THAT ISNT ANNOYING! Tommy:HEY SHUT UP BASTARD Kanade:hi:)

Cody: Where is your like. mom? Katara: ..Dead Kanade: Same. Katara: Tommy: My mum is death so like idk

“I may have accepted and almost killed a guy , but Tommy i think yoy deserve to murder him. No matter what aang says.”

-Katara

Clones:He’s so mysterious and cool i wonder what he’s thinking about Techno:

Techno: So.. this is the guy you are devoted to with all your life? Cody: Internally dying ..yes Techno , starring at Obi-wan Kenobi as he goes into battle with no armor , is British and is stupid: Cody , your better then this. please. This genuinely makes me feel bad.

Cody: Somebody is going to die- Techno , pulling out a sword: -Of death! 😄

Cody:no- techno- no you cannot kill the chancellor-

Techno:ANARCHY DOESN'T CALL FOR QUITTERS CODY

cut to 10 minutes later , the five are just stending over the exploded body of plapatine , who turned out to be an evil space wizard

Techno: I was correct- Cody , about to murder him: Shut. the. fuck. up. I'm processing this. Tommy , drinking a milkshake: This was fun. Kanade , also with a milkshake: Who knew it was fun to kill political leaders who are corrupt? Katara , sipping out of her own milkshake: Don't know , this will be great threat material.

after Cody has to explain to the jedi council why they murdered the chancellor

Cody: I- Techno , not caring in the slightest: I was in a silly mood

Cody: What do you mean you have been treated like a human being? Everyone else at the table: Techno: No he has a point

Phil walks into the room , with the gang laying in a circle , in the middle a speaker playing Nobody By Mitski Phil:.. you guys good? Cody: We can't get therapy so this is the best next thing. Katara: Sad white girl music. Tommy , absolutely sobbing: SHUT UP

Tommy in tears: So yeah- I guess that's all, my whole life story. Cody: Tommy I- Hey Dhar Mann fam, I hope you enjoyed that message about how you should never judge a book by it’s cover. And remember, we’re not just telling stories, we’re changing lives!

Tommy: God I never liked cigarrets , they taste bad. Cody: You aren't supposed to eat that- Tommy: Thats what i said!

Techno: A strategy you should always use against your enemies is telling bullshit. Straight up lies or truths exaggerated so high that they can’t even be considered truth. So when you slip up they think its just another lie. Tommy: That’s how they didn’t take you seriously?? Techno: Yeah basically

Kanade: I am not short , i am fun sized. Tommy: Wheres the fun then? Kanade: In your mother. Cody: Spits drink

.....theres a lot of em-

#I may have..abused the inccorect generator too much woops #incorrect quotes #incorrect quote generator #commander cody #katara #kanade yoisaki #tommyinnit #technoblade #avatar the last airbender #sw tcw #project sekai #dream smp #au in progress #crossover #mentioned/implied codywan #i am not tagging this as official codywan #since my codywan girlies don't deserve that man

6 notes · View notes