#i’ve also started to realize i have more control over my relationships and my feelings than i used to think

[hrizantemy]

If you don't mind, could you share some of your thought process on creating Taryn as a character and your favorite aspects of writing her so far? (Can you also give a physical description? I would like to draw her and nesta together and Ive been imagining her as cruel princes' Taryn; which is a little funny to think about)

This is so sweet—and so funny! I’ve read the first Cruel Prince book but didn’t even make the connection to Taryn from that series! That’s hilarious and kind of fitting in its own way, but yes, let me give you more details!

So, Taryn as a character actually came about unexpectedly. She wasn’t someone I initially planned to write; it was going to be just Nesta on her own, focusing on her healing journey. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that Nesta has never really had someone wholly in her corner—a person who supports her without judgment or an agenda. That gap in her life is what inspired Taryn’s creation.

I wanted someone who could stand alongside Nesta, not to “fix” her, but to offer her unconditional support and the space to be herself. Taryn’s character grew from that idea, and I started with her name, which has so many layered meanings.

• In Irish and Gaelic, it’s tied to “the land of Eoghan” or “people’s ruler,” which felt fitting for someone who would hold her own and guide by example rather than force.

• The connection to rivers and flooding, as in “the trespasser,” reminded me of someone who defies expectations and carves out a path that may disrupt, but ultimately creates growth.

• Then there’s the Latin meaning tied to “earth” or an “elevated place,” which gave her a grounded, steady quality.

One of my favorite aspects of writing Taryn so far is how she knows when to step back and respect Nesta’s autonomy. A perfect example of this is during the Solstice and Nesta’s interactions with the IC—Taryn doesn’t try to insert herself or take over. Instead, she lets Nesta handle things in her own way, at her own pace, without any interference. That respect for boundaries is a cornerstone of who Taryn is, and it’s a deliberate contrast to how other characters have behaved.

For instance, take Rhysand. Even when Feyre explicitly tells him to leave her relationship with Nesta alone, he still tries to control it, inserting his own ideas of what should happen. Or Cassian, who has a pattern of badgering Nesta, pushing her even when it’s clear she’s uncomfortable or not ready to engage with him on his terms. These moments can feel suffocating for Nesta, and I wanted Taryn to be the opposite of that.

Taryn highlights what it truly means to give someone the space to heal and make their own choices. She supports Nesta without demanding anything in return. There’s no pressure to act a certain way, no need to meet someone else’s expectations or timelines. If Nesta decides to set boundaries or push back, Taryn respects that instead of trying to guilt or force her into compliance.

I think that dynamic is so important for Nesta because it offers her something she’s never really had: a connection where she feels safe to be herself without fear of judgment or consequence. And, more than that, it allows her to grow on her own terms. Taryn is there to back her up when needed, but she also knows when to step back and let Nesta lead.

It’s a refreshing contrast to the characters who think they’re helping but end up reinforcing unhealthy patterns instead. Writing Taryn as someone who embodies that quiet, unwavering support has been incredibly rewarding.

Now, onto Taryn’s physical description! She has dark hair—by dark, I mean black—and striking green eyes that stand out against her complexion. Her features are sharp, with high cheekbones.

Taryn’s complexion is on the darker side, with warm, rich undertones that speak to her heritage. Her skin carries a sun-kissed glow, as if she’s spent a significant amount of time under a different sun than Velaris or even the Night Court could provide. It’s a deeper shade, almost like burnished bronze, with a natural radiance that contrasts beautifully against her black hair and sharp features. I’ve hinted at it before, but Taryn isn’t from Velaris or the Night Court.

Taryn typically wears dresses that balance simplicity, emphasizing her. She prefers flowing silhouettes that allow her to move with ease, often crafted from rich fabrics like velvet, silk, or fine linen. Her dresses are usually in deep, earthy tones such as forest green, burnt orange, midnight blue, or warm gold, complementing her complexion and hair.

The designs of her dresses are practical yet stylish—long sleeves for cooler weather or sleeveless options for warmer climates, always tailored to fit her perfectly. High necklines and subtle embroidery along the hems or cuffs add an air of refinement, while the occasional slit in the skirt gives her freedom of movement without being overly revealing.

I think I’ve covered all your questions, but feel free to let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to know or dive deeper into! I’ve enjoyed answering these and exploring Taryn and Nesta’s dynamic—it’s always exciting to share more about their story and development. So if there’s anything you’re curious about, don’t hesitate to ask!

[backtodecembertv]

the most boring part of growing up is getting over your pointless, agonizing crushes because you realize they’re not worth it instead of pining indefinitely. like it’s obviously a good thing, but it also feels like a loss of innocence to realize that having feelings for someone doesn’t have to mean anything or go anywhere. i’m not tied to this person and i don’t have to sacrifice everything trying to make it work and trying to be okay with what they can give me. i can just find someone else

[nereidprinc3ss]

hii i love love how u write spencer omds🥸

uhh i was wondering if you could write sth based off the song “we’ll never have sex” by leith ross? pls dont feel pressured to write this btw😭😭😭 hope ur having a good day lovely💗💗

hello my love i have no self control so this is extremely long and plotty but i love this song and i hope that this is any good at all crying emoji (i'm on a laptop LOL) enjoy!!

warnings/tags: angst/fluff, fem!reader, negative self-talk from reader, mentions of past sexual coercion/feeling used, mentions of past excessive drinking to combat social anxiety, ive been watching a lot of new girl lately and i think it shows, SO FRIENDS TO LOVERS, happy ending

You weren’t expecting to end up on Spencer Reid’s worn-leather couch at two in the morning, clutching a chipped mug of coffee in your hands as you listen to the sounds of the city from the street below. But there you are, sitting with your legs folded under you, in your favorite dress and first date-night makeup (now bleeding and smudged from all the crying.) And realizing that despite considering him one of your closest friends, you haven’t been to his apartment in a long time. There are, of course, good reasons for that—but you try to push those from your mind. 

“I’m really sorry about this,” you sigh, staring at your warped reflection in the glassy black surface of your coffee. Spencer is coming out of the small kitchen, now bearing his own cup. 

“Please, stop apologizing.” 

You glance up, tentatively studying him from behind the safety of your mug. While he may not have been asleep when you knocked on his door ten minutes ago, lachrymose and barely verbal, he must have been getting ready for bed. He’s clad in patterned pajama pants, mismatched socks, and an FBI crewneck that is just big enough to reveal the collar of the tee-shirt underneath. He’s already taken out his contacts, and you were startled by the reminder that he also has glasses. 

“So...” he begins, bringing you back to the present moment, “we don't have to talk about anything, if you don’t want to, but...” 

You sigh, watching coffee bubbles swirl like stars in a galaxy. 

“It’s fine. Honestly, I’m kind of embarrassed. I didn’t really think, I just... ended up here.” 

“Yeah... where did you come from?” he laughs quietly. “Not that I’m complaining. But I recall you not living super close by.” 

“No, no. I was actually on a date. Kind of.” 

“Ah.” There’s a beat of silence, and ostensibly Spencer is waiting for you to say more, but instead you take a sip from your mug. “At two in the morning?” You nod dully, staring at the labyrinthine pattern of the Persian rug.  

“I’m taking it that it wasn’t a very good date...?” 

A whoosh of air escapes from your puffed cheeks. 

“No it was not. Not by the end, anyway. It actually started really well, which made it even more disappointing when he...” you laugh, but there’s not much humor in it. “Well, when he kicked me out of his car on a street corner because I didn’t want to sleep with him.” 

You don’t look to see Spencer’s reaction—only take another long, baleful sip of coffee and ignore the heavy silence.  

“I’m really sorry. You... you deserve so much better than that.” 

An attempt at a jaded scoff from you falls flat. 

“Yeah, well. Tell that to the last three white house interns I’ve gone on dates with. It’s the same thing every time.” 

“Have you considered going on fewer dates with white house interns...?” The nervous humor is a thin veil over genuine critique. You shrug, biting the inside of your cheek. 

“It’s not just them. Every single guy I’ve liked since I was 15 has been like this. Even my past relationships, I felt like I was almost... tricked into, you know? I mean, these guys, they act all understanding and willing to take it slow or whatever, until you’re in a relationship, and suddenly they’re guilt tripping you so hard and making you feel so obligated to...” you catch yourself just in time, glancing up at Spencer. You’re not sure what to make of his expression. The drawn brow and slightly squinted eyes trained so intently on you could be sympathy, or anger, or pity, or apathy—you look away, not sure you even want to know what he’s thinking. “Sorry. You don’t need to hear all about that. Basically romance is exhausting and since I’ll clearly be single forever I’m considering running away to join a nunnery.” 

When he doesn’t respond for too long, you look back up quizically. 

“I’m not sure you know what romance actually is,” he says as soon as your gaze meets his, like the eye-contact activated some kind of hair-trigger in his vocal box. 

You blink, lowering the coffee cup to your lap. 

Says Spencer Reid? 

“...sorry?” 

He flushes, stammering to clarify himself. 

“I just meant—I—I know I’m not exactly fighting women off with a stick—” he interrupts himself with a self-conscious (adorable) laugh— “but... but I have been in love, at least once.”  

“Maeve,” you say, gently—trying to shove down bitter guilt as you remember how jealous you’d been when Spencer had first told you about her. “I remember.” 

He swallows and nods. 

“We never even met—we just talked. All the time. I had no idea what she looked like. But it didn’t matter at all. Because I knew her, and I loved her. Maybe things would have gone further if I hadn’t been calling her from public phone booths, but that wasn’t the most important thing to either of us. We were still in love.” You try to shut out the sharp ache in your chest. Being jealous of the way he speaks about a dead woman is so wrong.  

“What I’m trying to say is that romance isn’t solely about sex, or even physical appearance. It sounds to me like you’ve been with a lot of men who don’t understand that. And it would be such a shame for you to write romance off in general before you even get to experience it. You are... an extraordinary woman. You’re funny, and intelligent, and kind, and so capable of being loved. One day, someone is going to see beyond your pulchritude and prove that to you. I hope you let them try.” 

More tears blur the pattern on the rug, pooling in the rims of your eyes before spilling down your cheeks in fast, fat drops. Shakily you set the cup down, resting your elbows on your knees and hiding your face in your hands. You sniff once. Twice. Shake your head quickly, attempting to wipe the tears away without further smearing your makeup everywhere. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Spencer breathes, leaning forward but obviously unsure how to comfort you. “Please don’t cry, I wasn’t--I was trying to do the opposite of this.” 

“No, I’m sorry! You didn’t have to—you didn’t—I’m sorry. That was way too nice.” 

But you're not crying because he was nice.  

Someone will love you, but not me. That’s all you can hear. 

His voice is a mere whisper when he next speaks. 

“I meant every word.” 

You take a shuddering breath, allowing yourself a moment of reprieve behind the peaceful black of your eyelids. You can’t be looking at his face when you say what you’re about to say. 

“I had a crush on you for the longest time, you know.” 

Ringing silence. But it doesn’t last as long as you’d imagined. It’s not as world ending. 

“Had?” 

The little smile in his voice is like a fist around your heart. 

“Yeah. You know what changed?” 

“What’s that?” 

Absolutely nothing. 

“Every time I got super drunk and started hitting on you, you’d just drive me home. And I did it a lot. Like, for months. But you were such a gentleman. It drove me fucking crazy. So eventually I figured you just didn’t like me and I gave up.” 

Another stretch of silence. A breeze comes in from the open window, fluttering the curtains and cooling the tears on your face. His response is sad when it finally comes. 

“You thought I didn’t like you because I didn’t try to take advantage of you when you were drunk?” 

“Pretty much.” You smile ruefully, fingertips still pressed over your eyes. “God, listen to me. No wonder I get treated like garbage.” 

“Stop. Don’t talk about yourself like that. Did you hear anything I just said?” 

You sniff, looking to the ceiling. 

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. It was really sweet.” 

More silence. 

“But you don’t believe it.” 

A bitter laugh poisons the air around you. 

“I don’t know.  I’m kind of tired of waiting for someone to prove it to me. Just for once, I want someone to be interested in me beyond having sex in the back of their fucking... Range Rover, or whatever. Like, maybe all that stuff you said is true, but there’s no evidence to support it, and I know logically you’re probably right but I can’t help wondering if... if I’m the outlier. Maybe there just isn’t someone for me like that. Maybe I’m just gonna be the sex in the back of the Range Rover girl forever.” 

A noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob forces itself from your throat and you bury your face in your hands again, shaking your head. 

“Wow, I am so sorry,” you say a little too loudly, “I did not mean to be this honest tonight. Did you spike my coffee?” 

“You are not the outlier,” Spencer whispers.  

You sniff, lifting your head haltingly to look at him. 

“What?” 

His voice shakes slightly as he speaks. 

“You said you can’t help wondering if you’re the outlier, and maybe there just isn’t someone for you like that. That’s not true.” 

“Spencer, those are just words. You can’t possibly know that. Statistical probabilities don’t count.” 

“That’s... that’s not how I know.” 

Your heart drops as you study his face.  

No. 

Surely he’s not saying what you think he’s saying. 

Surely he wouldn’t do this to you after you’ve just told him everything you told him. You have been harboring feelings for him for years. Since you met. He can’t just spring this on you one night because you’re a little bummed out. If he felt the same, you would have found out a long time ago; he had ample opportunity to tell you. There was a period of months where you practically threw yourself all over him at every chance you got, and he did nothing. So this... this is just cruel—something you’ve never known Spencer Reid to be. 

You stand up, trembling slightly with rage and grief and humiliation. 

“Don’t do that. Don’t say things that you don’t mean just to make me feel better.” 

“What are you doing? Don’t--” 

You scoop up your purse, trying to get to the front door as fast as your gelatinous legs will allow. More tears are streaming down your face now and you don’t need him to see what he’s done to you—to see how much you care what he thinks. 

“It’s fine. Thanks for the coffee, I’ll see you around—” 

A hand around your wrist stops you in your tracks 

“Stop. Just... please give me a second to talk, okay?” 

With nothing left to give, you turn to him. 

“Don’t be mean, Spencer. Don’t act like you liked me too. That makes me feel... so much worse.” 

He takes a deep, shaky breath, as if steeling himself. Tawny eyes bore into your soul, and you realize that there is so much sheer nervous energy radiating off of him it’s infectious. Your heart begins to pound as he speaks. 

“I’m not doing that. I’m being an idiot, because you just told me that you don’t feel that way about me anymore but... but I do. And I have to tell you now because for six months I tortured myself wondering why you would flirt with me so much when you were hammered and then act like nothing happened the next day. There were so many times I almost told you how I felt but I didn’t and now I am because even if it ruins our friendship you need to know that somebody... that I wanted to be that person for you. I still do.” 

Your heart is like an unmoored zeppelin in your chest, bumping against your esophagus and threatening to either burst or jump out of your mouth. You take your chances, whispering so quietly it’s almost inaudible. 

“You... you like me?” 

“Yes,” Spencer sighs. “I have liked you for a very long time. And I’m sorry—” 

Whatever ridiculous thing he was going to apologize for, you don’t give him the chance. Instead you launch yourself at him, capturing his lips in a kiss that feels so much better than it’d ever been in your fantasies because it’s real. You hear his sharp intake of breath, but it only takes a second for him to respond, cradling your face in his hands like you’re the entire world. For a moment, time bends. Years of longing, of buried dreams crash into the present in a brilliant, dazzling explosion.

And then, as quickly as it started, he pulls away. The absence of his touch is like a vacuum, so much worse now that you know exactly how it feels to have his lips on yours, even if it was only for a few seconds. How the hell did you live like that for so long? How are you supposed to live like that ever again?

“You’re not thinking clearly,” he breathes, tilting his head back toward the ceiling like he’s barely holding onto his self control. “You just want someone to comfort you, I’m not going to take advantage of you when you’re in an emotionally vulnerable state and confided in me which is manufacturing a false sense of attachment—” 

You grab his wrists, which still graze your jaw.

“Spencer, stop intellectualizing for thirty seconds. I promise you I am thinking clearly.” 

“You said you used to like me, past tense—” 

“Yeah, I did. Do you believe every single murderer who says he didn’t do it?” 

“No, but—” 

“Have you ever heard the phrase; a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts?” 

“Of course I have.” 

“Then what more could you possibly need to be convinced that I really like you? I already kissed you! What is stopping you?” 

Another deep breath is taken by him that seems to suck all the air out of the quiet room. Briefly, you wonder if you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake. If you really do like him so much more than he could ever like you.  

Until he looks back down, eyes so golden-brown in the dim light, so kind and full of affectionate concern as he carefully assesses every square centimeter of your face, looking for... well, you’re not exactly sure what. It’s like he’s extracting every thought from your head, turning them over like sun-warmed stones until he finds what he’s looking for. He smooths his hands over your hair, brushing strands away from your teary face. Finally, after what feels like an eternity of holding your breath, he speaks. 

“I just want you to believe what I believe about you. But I don’t want you to have to rely on me or anyone else for your own self-worth.” 

“Well, don’t you think very highly of yourself,” you tease with a sniffle. He laughs—it's quiet, but his smile is so bright without even trying that suddenly you can’t remember why you’ve ever been sad. The small miracle of his laughter makes you feel so light, and you realize it has nothing to do with the way he makes you feel about yourself. It has everything to do with who he is. 

Once the giggles die down, you tentatively mirror his hold on your face. 

“Spencer, I don’t like you because you like me. I’ve liked you for an embarrassingly long time. I liked you enough that I gave myself a severe hangover at least once a week for three months just so I could have an excuse to flirt shamelessly with you.” 

A half-sad smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, and he gently swipes under your eyes. 

“You never had to do that. I would have welcomed your sober brazen flirting with open arms.” 

“Well... do you believe me?” you plead. His amber eyes shine. 

“I do.” 

“Will you kiss me?” 

“If that’s what you want.” 

You nod, rising on your toes to meet him halfway. 

When your lips meet again, it is sweet, and honest, and slow, and deep. Still, there is no desperation--no race to an imagined finish line, no clash of teeth and pawing hands. It is a kiss for the sake of it—as if it were the greatest intimacy. Not a precursor to sharing a bed, but something bigger than that in and of its own. Something just as worthy and important. For the first time, you think you’re beginning to understand romance. And while you wouldn’t mind if things did escalate, you also know that Spencer knows that’s not what matters right now. Because he actually understands you—he actually cares. He will wait until you understand that you mean so much more than that to him.

To that end, he pulls away, gently supplanting his absence with a kiss to the corner of your mouth. 

“It would be polite of me to offer you a ride home, wouldn’t it?” he whispers, like it’s the last thing he wants to do. You bite the inside of your cheek, coming up with reasons not to go. One ridiculous one arises from the depths of your memory that you know he won’t be able to say no to. 

“Or... I could stay here, and we could watch one of those nerdy foreign films you’re always talking about?” 

A slow, perfect, high-watt smile blossoms on his face, and you know you’ve said exactly the right thing. 

“Nerdy? Oh, my darling girl... Soviet-era filmography is far from nerdy. небесная машина will completely defy what you thought you knew about the life of an average Russian villager in the 1950’s.” 

“Oh, good. Because I’ve really been meaning to change the way I think about the average 1950’s Russian villager,” you smile, already closing in to kiss him again. 

------------------------------------------ 

epilogue

Three hours later, you’re crying because the life of the average Russian villager in the 1950’s was so much worse than you’d previously thought. 

“It was good, right?” Spencer asks as the credits roll over a bleak snowy sepia landscape, leaning back to get a better look at you. You sit up from where you’d been leaning against him, furiously wiping your eyes. 

“It was terrible! Why didn’t you tell me that everyone except the kid dies in the end?!” 

“Because that’s the whole point of the movie!” he laughs, pulling you back into him. “I’m sorry. I probably should have explained how depressing this entire era of film was outside of the US.” 

“And also how long the movies were. I was not prepared for how many five minute long clips of empty fields there were going to be.” 

“You’re right,” he ammends, wrapping his arms around you in a way that gives you butterflies and makes you sleepy at the same time. “Next time we can watch whatever you want to watch.” 

Time passes like that—you in his arms, watching weak light slowly flood the room with half-lidded eyes and listening to the sounds of the city waking up from the street below, underscoring the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Thoughts float by like leaves on the ever-flowing current of your mind, and you’re happy to let them pass until one in particular catches your attention. 

“Spencer?” 

He hums, like he’d been deep in his own proverbial river of thought. 

“What does pulchritude mean?” 

It takes him a split second to remember the bit of conversation from earlier to which you are referring, but when he does, he chuckles, running his hand over your messy hair. 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

And so you let it float away. 

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟱 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀

𝟭. travel ( ✈️ )

2024 took away many travel opportunities from me. i was supposed to go to barcelona with my family, but my grandfather passed away, and we stayed in italy to handle the funeral. i was supposed to travel to sofia with my cousin, but one of my exams was rescheduled to a date i couldn’t possibly miss, so i had to give up the trip. lastly, i was planning to go to valencia to celebrate my birthday, but a flood disrupted the city, and i couldn't go anymore.

in short, it was a frustrating year in this regard — i lost a lot of money and, most importantly, many opportunities to travel, which i believe has significantly inhibited me in this area. while i used to be much more inclined to book last-minute trips when the chance to travel on a budget arose, now i feel much more anxious about doing so.

i want 2025 to be filled with travels. i want to fully take advantage of the opportunities that circumstances beyond my control stole from me in 2024.

𝟮. keep my life even more private ( 🔒 )

it's been years now since i completely disappeared from social media. i no longer post photos or updates about my life online as if i were an influencer, and my daily life has significantly improved without the pressure to appear a certain way online. life is truly better when no one knows anything about you.

however, in real life, i'm quite the chatterbox, and i often find myself oversharing without even realizing it. that said, because i strongly believe in the evil eye, i've learned that, even if i have to bite my tongue, i can't share projects that are not yet completed — not even with the people closest to me, not even if i'm 100% sure they would be happy for me.

in fact, even though i cut off toxic people from my life two years ago, other friendships i thought were strong have ended this year. i want to live a peaceful, private life, even if that means staying silent. show results rather than plans.

𝟯. meditate and journal ( 🪴 )

i started this year (2024) well with this kind of self-care, but i completely lost it around may. i'll try again in 2025, hoping i can stick to it. if not, see you in 2026.

𝟰. indulge in healthy female friendships ( 🩷 )

two years ago, i cut ties with many toxic friendships that were holding me down and keeping me from healing. since then, i've been mostly alone, except for a few surviving connections i kept after high school. when i started university, i made new friendships, but they were very superficial and always centered around university matters.

however, since moving to spain, i've really understood which people were just taking from me without truly being interested in me as a person. in return, though, these past few months i've met some truly amazing girls in madrid, and i want to let myself indulge in that beautiful feminine energy that only girl friendships can give. wine and cheese in front of an episode of gilmore girls while you cut out pictures for your vision board.

𝟱. eat healthier ( 🥗 )

these past few months have been a rollercoaster with food. i've prepared a lot of homemade meals, but i've also ordered out quite often. i don't see anything wrong with ordering takeout or eating out with friends, but since it often happened when i was alone and didn't feel like cooking, i want to try to organize my cooking better and eat as many homemade meals as possible. of course, i won’t deprive myself of lunches and dinners out with friends, but i want to limit takeaway food to social occasions, not to lonely sundays.

it's been less than two years since i got out my ed and i want to keep the happy and healthy relationship with food i gained with so much hard work.

𝟲. keeping up with goals reached last year ( ☁️ )

obviously, all the work i’ve done over the past few years won’t go to waste! i want to persevere with the good habits i’ve developed and the work i’ve done on myself. the past few years have been strange and full of changes, but i feel like it’s all been positive. i’m happy with where i’ve gotten to and the person i’ve become, but i know i still have a long way ahead of me.

happy new year's eve everyone 🎉 which goals are you planning to reach?

[cowboybeepboop]

Could you do something with Scott and Reader where the reader is a virgin. I like how soft you write Scott. Kate and reader are like sisters and one night while everyone is drinking the topic of sex comes up and Kate let's it slip the reader is a virgin (shes super drunk). The reader is so embarrassed she runs out crying so Scott goes after her. He ask why she never told him and she told him she was scared he wouldn't want her anymore since she was experienced to that Scott tells her that's anything from the truth that he loves her and says when she's ready they can take the next step she tells him she is and has been that he is the first guy she has ever loved and felt safe with enough to take that step. Scott also makes a comment that it's hot and it's sexy she's a virgin and a turn on. Feel free to add to the idea or take things away to make it make sense.

Pairing: Scott Miller x fem! Reader

Genre: Smut, fluffy and romantic

Word count: 4.3k

Warnings: Virgin reader, possessive/jealous scott, oral fem receiving, unprotected sex.

a/n: Not gonna lie, I just now realized you said “like” sisters and not just sisters, but I’ve decided to leave it anyway. I hope you enjoy! As always my requests are open <3

You and Scott have been dating for a few months. And he has made *no* effort to make any moves sexually, other than some hand stuff here and there in recent times. On the one hand, this comes as a relief because you’re still a virgin (something he isn't exactly aware of) but at the same time you really wish he would take things to the next level.

As Kate's younger, more outgoing sister, she's always made an effort to keep you away from her friends. Not wanting you to get involved with anyone romantically, unfortunately her plan failed when it came to Scott. She has been a little less than supportive of this relationship since she doesn't want to see him break your heart and doesn't want it to affect her friend group.

While you understand Kate’s wariness, you feel exhausted with her obsessive worry. It first started when she introduced you to Javi, perhaps because you immediately started to crush on him.

Either way, you’ve completely involved yourself in her friend group, regardless of her disdain for it. The two of you have a rocky sibling relationship at times, but it usually doesn't come up/out in front of your friends.

Today, however, things have been different. You're all hanging out at Tylers place, playing games and drinking. The tension between you and Kate has been building after an argument you had earlier regarding your relationship with Scott.

Kate has been frustrated with you for dating him, even though she had told you not to get romantically involved with any of her friends. You get why but at the same time it's not like you can control who you fall for, right?

“Hey, Y/N?” Scott presses his hand to your shoulder, “Is everything okay?” he shakes you out of your thoughts.

“Hm?” you turn to look up at him with a dazed smile. “Oh, yeah everythings fine, I was just lost in thought.” Scott is slightly amused at how distracted you are, he finds your spacey nature endearing. He takes a seat next to you, a smirk on his lips.

He can tell that something is bothering you, he raises an eyebrow, a little doubtful of your half-truth. His thumb gently strokes the skin of your upper arm idly. “What’re you thinkin’ about, ‘sweetheart’?”

“Nothing important,” your smile grows as you lean into Scotts warm body, “I’ll tell you later.” He chuckles as you practically curl up on him, he finds it adorable how clingy you get. He drapes an arm over your shoulder, pulling you in closer as he gives you a smirk, he can tell that something's off.

He doesn’t say anything at first, just lets his hand wander to your waist. “Is that right? It doesn’t have anything to do with that little argument you got into with Kate…?” you groan.

“You know me too well.” you sigh, hand falling to his thigh, fingers rubbing soft patterns into his leg.

His eyes follow your fingers and he lets out a soft sigh, his mind drifting to other places. He gives you a slight nudge. “Cmon, talk. What was the argument about?” you shake your head in protest.

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now,” you pout your lips at him, chin resting on his chest. His eyes lock in on your lips, he gently cups your chin, his thumb softly stroking your lower lip.

Kate can't help but hear the conversation from a separate table where she's sitting and talking with Tyler. Her eyes drift over to you and Scott, watching the two of you sitting pretty close together. She gets annoyed, watching the way you're clinging to Scott and leaning into him.

She frowns, turning to Tyler who's watching her and you with a raised eyebrow. "You know, it might do you some good to just chill out. Let her have a little freedom." You glance over at Kate and Tyler, seeing her stern stare causes you to straighten in your seat, pulling away from Scott ever so slightly.

Boone’s loud voice breaks up all the side conversations, “We should all play truth or dare.” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Kate lets out a groan, "We're not teenagers." Scott frowns and gives your waist a gentle squeeze. He can tell that you’re pulling away from him because of Kate. He really doesn’t like her meddling in your relationship, when it so obviously isn't her concern.

Boone smiles, "Just cause we're not teens doesn't mean we can't have *fun*."

Kate rolls her eyes, despite her reservations she does think it could be a fun game. She's already a little bit drunk from the couple of beers she's had yet she continues sipping on one.

“It really could be fun,” you grin at Boone, encouraging his proposition.

"See, someone gets me." he smiles back at you.

Tyler is also on board for the game, he grabs another drink. "Alright, I'm game. Should we do dares or no dares?"

Kate thinks for a second, she isn't in the mood to do some stupid dare. "No dares, just truths." you roll your eyes at her boring suggestion, everyone knows the dares are the best part of the game.

As the game draws on the conversation drifts to everyone's worst experiences and first times. Kate can see how quiet and anxious you're getting as everyone starts to share their experiences. She's also dreading someone will ask her to spill some of her secrets. You're starting to get restless in your seat, heart pounding fast as you pray no one asks you anything about sex.

Boone seems to be a little annoyed at how no one has been asked anything difficult yet and turns to Kate. "Alright, Kate. Your turn, when did you lose your virginity?" As Boone asks his question Kate can see your eyes on her.

She finishes off the last of her beer and is starting to feel more than just tipsy and a little bit out of it. She's trying to avoid spilling any of her own secrets and takes her time before answering. Javi, noticing her discomfort, turns to ask you a question.

"Hey, Y/N. What about you? When did yo-" Javi is cut off as Kate abruptly interrupts him, a little tipsy.

"She's a *virgin*." Your cheeks turn a dark red as the words leave her mouth. You can feel all the eyes on you, most importantly, Scotts eyes on you.

Scott can’t help the way his eyes widen as Katie blurts out that you’re a virgin. *Of course* he had his suspicions, but they were just suspicions, it’s why he's so cautious about taking things further. But now, now he knows it’s true.

Scott can feel your body tense and his hand on your waist clenches involuntarily. The words ring through his mind as he processes it. “You’re… a virgin…?”

You abruptly stand off the couch, Scotts hand falling from your body as you glare over at your sister. “What the fuck Kate?” tears begin to pool in your eyes as you glare at her before quickly leaving the house.

The rest of the group stays quiet after your exit, not quite sure what just happened. Scott jumps to his feet and dashes out the door after you. He knows he has to do damage control fast, he has to make sure you don’t take this to heart.

He steps outside, the cool air making the blood rush to his cheeks as he spots you near the edge of the porch. “Hey, Sweetheart?”

You don't respond, instead you bury your face into your hands, body trembling as you silently sob. “Hey, hey… ” Scott reaches you quickly and pulls you into his arms. He can feel your shaking, he can see the way your shoulders are shuddering and it makes his heart ache.

He pulls you onto his lap as he takes a seat on the steps of the porch, his hands are gently rubbing your back, trying to soothe you as he pulls you in tighter. “Don’t cry… sweetheart, don’t cry…”

You hide your face in his chest, “I’m sorry,” you murmur, voice muffled by his shirt.

“Hey, don’t apologize. There’s nothing to apologize for.” Scott gently takes your chin with his hand and lifts you up to look at him. He can see the trail of tears running down your cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

You avert your gaze, eyes lowering. “I…” your words get stuck in your throat as more tears spill from your eyes.

“Hey, look at me,” he grips your chin a little tighter, forcing you to look at him, “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks again, more sternly this time. He’s not angry with you, he’s just confused, a hundred thoughts all running through his head.

“I just, *really* liked you,” you begin, eyes searching his, “and I thought that you wouldn't want me if you knew I was..” your voice breaks as you speak.

Scott gently strokes your cheek with his thumb, wiping away the tears, “Sweetheart, look at me, I’m going to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me, alright?”

“Okay..” you bite down on your lips, worried about what he’s going to ask. “What is it?” you hiccup, cheeks still flushed with your embarrassment.

Scott takes a moment to collect his thoughts, he chooses his words carefully. “Are you… saving yourself…?” He’s pretty sure you’ll catch his drift.

“I, no,” you start, trying to find the words to explain, “I’ve just never. You know, felt like it was the right time..” you trail off.

Scott nods slowly, his eyes scanning your face as his thumb moves to the corner of your lip. His mind is still processing all of this information, and now he just has even more questions. “Have you ever even kissed someone before me?”

“A few times,” you murmur, hands moving to his sides.

Scott furrows his eyebrows, his head tilted curiously as he looks at you. “How far have you gone with other guys?”

You groan, pressing your head to his shoulder, embarrassed with the question. “I’ve uhm, you know..” you trail your fingers up and down his back, “I’ve done hand stuff and other things.” you whisper.

“Things like…?” Scott can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as you start to tell him about your past.

“Scott,” you breathe out his name with a soft whine.

Scott’s hand on your back clenches involuntarily at the way you whine his name. He can sense your hesitation. “C’mon sweetheart, tell me more.”

“Well, I’m not entirely inexperienced.” you sigh, “Like I’ve done oral too.. Just never actual sex..”

Scott’s heart clenches as you confess this information. His mind starts to wander to thoughts of you with other guys. “How many guys have you done these things with?”

“A few..” you keep your answer vague, unwilling to let him know all the details.

Scott can clearly tell you’re uncomfortable discussing these topics with him, and the thought of you with other guys has him almost upset. He clears his throat, trying to get the image of you in some other guy's arms out of his head.

“Okay, enough questions, let's get out of here.” He slowly stands up, “I’m taking you home.” you nod and follow him to his car, settling into the passenger seat as he starts the engine.

Scott starts the drive back to your house, the ride is mostly silent as he’s still thinking everything over. He tries to steal a glance at you a few times, still processing everything that just happened.

After a few minutes, Scott breaks the silence. “Sweetheart, can I ask you something?”

“Mhm,” you turn to face him, “Ask away.”

Scott’s quiet for a moment, his eyes focused on the road. “You’ve never… wanted to…?” Scott trails off as he struggles to phrase the question.

Your hand finds its way to his lap, “Do you mean in general?” your gaze going out the window, “Or with you?”

“With me…” Scott feels your hand on his lap and it makes his heart skip a beat for a moment. He glances over at you, a hint of vulnerability in his eyes.

He pulls into your driveway, the tension in the cab growing with every second you stay quiet “Scott..”

Scott slowly parks the car and turns to you. His eyes lock on yours, his heart beating fast as he waits for the answer to his question. “Yeah, sweetheart?”

Your fingers trace circles into his thigh, hand growing closer to his crotch. “I’ve only ever thought about going all the way with you..” you whisper the last part, cheeks turning pink with the confession.

Scott's breath catches in his chest as your fingers trace closer and closer, his mind races with the information you've just given him. The words you whisper send a shiver down his spine, and he can't help but watch your hand. "You... you thought about it?"

“I’ve thought about it,” you confirm, “You're the first guy I’ve ever loved..” you gulp, this is the first time you’ve uttered the word to him.

Scott's mind reels as he processes your words. This is the first time you’ve confessed your feelings to him. He swallows the lump forming in his throat, his heart beating faster with every passing second as a warm feeling settles in his chest.

He reaches down and gently grabs your hand, stilling it from its wandering. His voice is low and gravelly as he speaks, “Say it again.”

“Scott, I love you.” His breath hitches and he closes his eyes for a moment, soaking in the sound of your voice. He opens his eyes and looks over at you, gaze filled with warmth and affection.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” he softly tugs you closer to him, his hand gently cupping your chin and guiding your lips to his. The kiss quickly turns heated as you move to straddle his lap, hands tangling in his hair.

Scott moans into your mouth, his arms wrapping around your waist as you straddle his lap. His hands glide up and under your shirt, feeling the skin between your hips and your ribs. He feels the heat coursing through his veins as you tangle your hands in his hair, tugging just slightly and he bites your bottom lip in response, a stifled gasp escaping his lips.

Your lips move to his neck, pressing hot kisses into his skin as his fingers send shivers down your spine. Scott groans as you move to his neck, his head tilting back giving you more access as your hot lips work over the skin.

His fingers trail up to the base of your spine, lightly tracing up and down in slow motions, feeling the bumps of your spine under his fingertips. His breaths come out raspy and uneven, his breathing quickening as you kiss along his collarbone.

“Scott, should we go inside?” you murmur between kisses, feeling his hand slip into your shorts.

Scott’s mind is so clouded with desire that he has to take a moment to register your words. He can feel your lips moving against his skin and his breath hitches as your words finally register in his mind. “Yeah, yeah… let’s go inside…”

He gently sets you back in your seat and hops out of the car, almost tripping on his feet in his haste to get to your side of the car and open the door for you. You smile at him as you get out, taking his hand as you lead him to your door and unlock it.

Scott follows you inside your house, his heart still racing and body buzzing with heat. He closes the door behind him as soon as you step inside.

Scott steps up behind you, hands finding their way to your sides as he nuzzles his face into your neck, his hot breath on your skin. You press back into him, guiding his hands down your sides, silently asking him to take things further.

Scott’s breath hitches as you press into him, his hands skimming over your hips and down to your thighs. He leaves a trail of hot kisses along the side of your neck, his teeth gently grazing against your skin.

He spins you around, pushing your back against the door as he moves to press his body flush against you, his hands moving to grip your hips. “You’re driving me crazy, sweetheart…” he whispers into your ear.

“Scott, please.” you moan out, hands going to unbutton his jeans, “I need you,”

Scott stumbles back as you start to unbutton his jeans, his hands roaming over your body, desperate to feel you. The thought of you *needing* him sends a shot of heat straight to his core and he groans, pushing you towards your room.

His hands move desperately over your body as you walk, discarding clothes in a messy trail behind you. Sitting down on the edge of your bed, you unclasp your bra, making you entirely nude in front of him. You look up at him, eyes full of lust and desire.

Scott is completely captivated as you sit down and finally reveal yourself to him. His eyes trail up and down your body, taking in every inch of your skin. He can feel his heart beating faster in his chest, his breath quickening as his eyes roam over your body.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he mutters, his voice husky with desire. He takes a step towards you, his hands reaching out to touch you, to feel your soft skin.

A low growl escapes his lips as he moves to kneel between your legs, his hands roaming over your body, tracing every contour. You spread your legs wider for him, welcoming his movements as you moan at his needy hands.

Scott settles between your legs, his hands roaming up your thighs, feeling the skin as he looks up at you. His eyes are almost black with desire as he looks up at you from his position between your legs. He swallows, his throat dry as he takes in the sight of you, spread out on the bed before him.

His hands move up to your hips, gripping them and pulling you closer to him, his thumbs tracing small circles into your skin. “You’re so perfect, sweetheart.” he says, his voice low and rough.

Your fingers tangle in his hair as you move your hips closer to him, “Please, I need you..” you bite on your lip.

With trembling hands, he gently pushed your legs apart, his gaze never leaving yours. The sight of you, laying bare before him, sent a rush of heat to his cheeks and a thrill through his body. He leaned in, his breath hot against your inner thighs as he whispered, "I've been waiting for this."

His voice was a mix of excitement and nerves, a testament to the importance of this moment. The soft caress of his tongue on your skin was like an electric shock, sending waves of pleasure through your body.

He took his time, savoring every inch of you with the finesse of a man who'd been waiting for this moment for a lifetime. His kisses grew more urgent as he found your sweet spot, making you gasp and arch your back. You could feel his passion, his need to make this first time perfect for you.

As he tasted you, Scott felt as if he'd found home. Each moan and whimper from your lips was like a symphony to his ears, guiding him in his exploration. His hands held you firmly, supporting your hips as he devoured you, eager to give you the pleasure that had been building between you both for so long.

Your legs wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer as the intensity grew, your body begging for more. He could feel you getting closer, the tension in your muscles tightening as you approached the edge.

His mouth worked faster, his tongue flicking and sucking with purpose. You were so wet, so ready for him, and the thought of finally being inside you was almost too much to bear. But he didn't rush, not wanting to miss a single second of this intimate dance.

And then, with a sharp cry, you fell over the edge, your body convulsing as wave after wave of pleasure washed over you. Scott held you firmly, his mouth never leaving your sex, as he drew out every last tremor of your orgasm.

You collapsed against the bed, limp and trembling, your nails digging into his scalp as you tried to process the intensity of what had just happened.

He kissed his way up your body, his hands gliding over your skin as he moved over you, leaving a trail of fire in their wake.

His eyes searched yours for permission, and finding it, he settled between your legs once more, his erection pressing against your entrance. You were so sensitive now, so open to him. "Are you sure about this Y/N?" His voice is husky and full of caution.

"Fuck, yes, please." You moan, begging for more. He pushed in gently, feeling the resistance of your body as it clung to its innocence. You gasped, your eyes widening with a mix of pain and pleasure.

Scott paused, waiting for you to adjust, to tell him if you needed him to stop. But you just nodded, urging him on with a whisper, "More." So he did, inch by inch, filling you up until he was fully sheathed within you. The connection was overwhelming, a bond stronger than any he'd ever felt.

He started to move, his hips rocking slowly, giving you time to get used to the feeling of him inside you. You moaned, your hands gripping the bed sheets as he picked up the pace. Each stroke sent a jolt of electricity through you, making your toes curl and your back arch. He watched your face intently, reading every expression, making sure he was giving you what you needed.

Scott leaned down to kiss you, his mouth hungry and desperate as he claimed yours. The room was filled with the sound of your ragged breaths and the wet slap of skin on skin.

He could feel your muscles tightening around him, your body preparing for another release. He whispered sweet nothings into your ear, telling you how much he loved you, how perfect you were, how much he needed this.

You moaned against his mouth, your nails digging into his back as the pleasure grew. "Scott," you breathed, "You're so hot." The words slipped out without thought, but the truth was undeniable.

His body was a work of art, and having him take your virginity was the most erotic experience you could imagine. He pulled back to look at you, his eyes dark and intense.

"You have no idea how much I love you," he whispered, his voice filled with passion. "It’s such a turn on for me to be the one claiming you like this." He thrust deeper, making you gasp. "Only me, sweetheart."

You could feel the heat building between you, your body tightening around him as he hit that perfect spot over and over again. His words sent shivers down your spine, the realization that he truly cared for you and was just as invested in this moment as you were.

It was more than just sex; it was a declaration of love, a promise of forever. Scott's pace grew faster, his breaths coming in ragged gasps as he felt his own climax approaching. "You're mine," he growled, his teeth sinking into your neck as he claimed you. "All mine."

You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer as you felt yourself teetering on the brink. "I love you," you whispered, your voice breaking with emotion.

With a final, powerful thrust, Scott released inside you, his body shaking with the force of his orgasm. You followed quickly, your own pleasure crashing over you like a wave, leaving you trembling and gasping for air.

He collapsed on top of you, his weight comforting and reassuring as your hearts hammered together. The room was quiet except for your heavy breaths and the sound of your hearts beating as one. He kissed your neck, his hands never leaving your body as you both came down from the intense high.

You nodded, unable to form words as the gravity of the moment settled over you. You'd given him something precious, something no one else would ever have. And in return, he'd given you an experience that would be burned into your memory forever.

As you lay there, sweat-soaked and utterly spent, you couldn't help but feel a sense of peace. Despite Kate's earlier betrayal, you knew that this was where you were meant to be, in Scott's arms, sharing something beautiful and life-changing.

Scott pulled out slowly, his eyes never leaving yours as he looked at you with a mix of love and awe. He leaned over to kiss you softly, his hand cupping your cheek.

You gave him a small smile, your eyes shining with unshed tears of pleasure. "Thank you," you murmur, "For making it so perfect."

He kissed you again, a gentle brush of his lips against yours. "It's only the beginning, sweetheart." He stood up, pulling you with him to tuck you into bed, your bodies still entwined.

You snuggled closer, feeling safe and loved. For the first time in a long time, you felt like everything was going to be okay. Kate's cruelty was forgotten in the face of Scott's gentle touch and the warmth of his love. Tonight, you had found your place in the world, and it was in his arms.

[logansargeantsbabymom]

Bar Realizations

Charles Xavier x Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut

a/n: I’ve had this story in my notes drafts for a hot minute but I never posted it but now I feel like I should.

ALSO!!! I HAVE TO START A NEW F1 &F2 MASTERLIST SO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THAT!!!!

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

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Marvel Masterlist

I had always known I was different. From the time I was little, strange things happened around me. Objects moved without cause, emotions surged uncontrollably, and the whispers in my head never ceased. When I discovered the full extent of my powers, I knew I needed help—someone who could guide me. That's when I met Charles Xavier.

He was young, kind, and immensely powerful. His ability to control and influence minds was unparalleled, but it was his patience and understanding that drew me in. He offered to help me harness my abilities, and I accepted, desperate to gain control over the chaos within me.

The process was grueling. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, filled with intense training sessions, meditation, and mental exercises. There were moments when I wanted to give up, when the weight of my powers felt too heavy to bear. But Charles was always there, encouraging me, pushing me to my limits, and teaching me to master my abilities. Over time, our relationship deepened. I found myself drawn to him, not just because he was my mentor, but because of who he was—compassionate, intelligent, and incredibly attractive.

One evening, after a particularly challenging session, Charles suggested we take a break. “How about we go out for drinks? Just the two of us,” he said, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief.

My heart skipped a beat. Was this a date? Did he feel the same way about me as I did about him? Trying to contain my excitement, I agreed, and we made our way to a cozy bar in town.

The atmosphere was perfect—dim lights, soft music, and a sense of intimacy that made my pulse quicken. We sat at a corner table, and for a while, everything felt perfect. We laughed, talked about everything and nothing, and I felt closer to him than ever before.

But then, she appeared. A tall, confident blonde with a predatory smile. She sauntered over to our table and immediately latched onto Charles, ignoring my presence entirely. “Hey, handsome,” she purred, placing a hand on his arm. “Mind if I join you?”

Charles tried to gently extricate himself from her grasp. “Actually, we’re on a date,” he said, nodding towards me.

The blonde glanced at me and scoffed. “Yeah, right. Like he’d ever go out with you.”

The words stung, and anger flared within me. How dare she dismiss me so easily? I felt a surge of energy, the familiar tingle of my powers awakening. Discreetly, I focused on her, channeling my emotions into a subtle spell. Suddenly, the blonde started babbling, spilling embarrassing secrets about herself.

“I can't believe I lost my job today,” she blurted out, her eyes wide with horror. “And my ex dumped me because I cheated on him. Oh my god, why am I saying this?”

She turned and fled, humiliated, leaving Charles and me alone once more. I felt a pang of satisfaction, but it was short-lived. Charles turned to me, his expression serious.

“Did you use your powers?” he asked quietly.

Guilt washed over me, and I nodded. “I’m sorry. I just... I don’t know. I felt jealous, possessive. I wanted you all to myself.”

Charles sighed and suggested we head back to the school. The drive back was silent, the weight of my actions pressing down on me. Had I ruined everything? As we pulled up to the mansion, I couldn’t bear the silence any longer.

“Charles, I’m sorry,” I said, my voice trembling. “I didn’t mean to lose control. I just... I care about you so much, and seeing her with you made me feel... threatened.”

He remained silent, his face unreadable. As we entered the mansion, I turned to head to my room, wanting to escape the shame and disappointment I felt.

But then, I heard his voice in my mind. “Y/N, I’m not mad or disappointed. In fact, I’m feeling quite the opposite. That was the hottest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

I stopped in my tracks, my heart racing. Turning around, I saw him standing there, a faint smile playing on his lips. Before I knew it, Charles closed the distance between us, his lips crushing against mine in a passionate kiss.

My body responded immediately to his touch, my desire for him igniting like wildfire. I moaned into his mouth, my hands roaming over his strong chest as I returned his kiss eagerly. Charles' taste and touch were addictive, and I already knew I would never get enough of him.

Guided by pure instinct, Charles backed me up against a wall, his lips never leaving mine as he reached behind me to open a nearby door. Still kissing me deeply, he backed us into his bedroom, our mouths fused together.

Breaking the kiss briefly, Charles growled softly, his breath hot against my ear, "Get on the bed, baby." His voice was thick with desire, and I felt my core clench at the commanding tone he was taking with me. I wanted him to take control, to show me just how much he wanted me.

I did exactly as I was told, my heart pounding in my chest as I climbed onto the bed and looked up at Charles expectantly. He reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head and discarding it, revealing his muscled chest and abs.

My mouth watered at the sight, my eyes roaming over his defined body as I licked her lips subconsciously.

Charles kicked off his shoes and undid his jeans, pushing them down along with his boxers, his hard length springing free. Pre-cum glistened at the tip, and my pussy clenched at the sight, my own clothes feeling too tight and restricting.

"Take your clothes off for me, baby," Charles demanded, his voice hoarse as he watched her intently. "Show me that beautiful body."

I sat up, my hands shaking slightly as I lifted my top over my head, revealing my lace bra and the swell of my breasts. I hooked my thumbs into the waistband of my jeans, shimmying out of them, and then slowly stepped out of my panties, now completely naked and on display for Charles.

He groaned, his eyes raking over my body, taking in my breasts and smooth pussy. "You're fucking gorgeous, you know that?" He took a step closer, reaching out to trail a finger along my inner thigh, his touch sending shivers through me.

"Charles..." I whimpered, my voice filled with need. I had spread my legs slightly, inviting him to touch me where I wanted and needed it the most.

As if reading my mind, Charles smiled wickedly, lowering himself between my thighs. He nuzzled my creamy thighs with his face, placing soft kisses along my sensitive skin as he made his way closer to my core.

I sighed, my hands threading through his hair as I savored the feel of his lips and tongue on my skin.

"Mmm, you taste so sweet," Charles murmured against my pussy, his warm breath teasing me. He kissed my inner thighs again before finally zeroing in on my center, his tongue snaking out to lick a long, slow stripe along my slit.

I cried out, my hips bucking involuntarily as I felt his tongue swipe through my folds, collecting my essence. "Oh God, Charles!"

Encouraged by my reaction, Charles gently gripped my thighs, spreading me open further to give him better access. He swirled his tongue around my clit before sucking it into his mouth, flicking it with the tip of his tongue. At the same time, he inserted two fingers into my dripping core, curling them just right to hit that sweet spot inside me.

"Fuck, yes!" I moaned, my body writhing on the bed as Charles ate me out with skill and enthusiasm.

My hands grasped the bedsheets as she surrendered to the waves of pleasure washing over me. Charles devoured me eagerly, clearly enjoying the sweet nectar I was offering him.

It didn't take long for me to climax, my walls clenching around Charles' fingers as I cried out his name.

Charles hummed in satisfaction, licking and lapping up my juices as I rode out my orgasm. But he didn't stop there, continuing to work his magic with his tongue and fingers until I was trembling with sensitivity.

"Please... I can't take any more," I panted, my body still throbbing from the intense orgasms. "I need to taste you now."

With a grin, Charles withdrew his fingers and tongue, giving me a moment to catch my breath. Then he climbed up the bed, positioning himself above me. I reached for his throbbing cock, wrapping my hand around the shaft and stroking him slowly as I guided him to my waiting mouth.

I swirled my tongue around the engorged head, tasting the salty pre-cum before taking him deep into my mouth. Charles hissed, his hips bucking slightly as he threaded his fingers through my hair, gently guiding me as I sucked him off.

I took my time, swirling my tongue around his length, sucking and bobbing my head as I looked up at him through my lashes. I loved the power I felt in this position, knowing that I could bring this strong, powerful mutant to his knees with just my mouth.

"Fuck, Y/N... that feels so good," Charles groaned, his hips picking up a slight rhythm as he gently fucked my face.

I hummed in response, the vibration making Charles grit his teeth. He couldn't hold back anymore; he wanted to feel the tight heat of my mouth around him as he came. With a low growl, he began to thrust into my mouth, his pace quickening as he chased his release.

"Fuck my face, Charles," I moaned, loving the feel of his hard length sliding between my lips. "Cum for me."

my dirty words sent Charles over the edge, and with a hoarse cry, he spilled down my throat, his hips stuttering as he emptied himself into my eager mouth.

I savored the taste of him, swallowing every drop he gave me as he rode out his intense orgasm.

We lay together for a moment, catching our breath, before Charles gently withdrew from her mouth, a satisfied smile on his face. "You are amazing, baby."

The comment made me blush, a happy warmth spreading through me as I reached up to kiss him. "Your turn to lay back and enjoy the ride."

With a twinkle in his eye, Charles lay back on the bed, his hard cock standing proud as he watched me straddle him. I smiled wickedly, reaching for a condom from the bedside drawer before rolling it onto him with ease.

I took my time, rubbing my slick folds against his length as I teased us both. Charles hissed, his hips bucking slightly as he tried to urge me down onto him. "Tease," he accused playfully, reaching up to tweak my nipples, making me gasp.

"Impatient," I retorted, aligning myself with him before slowly sinking down, taking him deep inside me. We both groaned, I threw my head back as I savored the feel of him stretching me.

Charles' hands gripped my hips, guiding me as I began to ride him, my tits bouncing with each bounce.

The sound of our skin slapping together filled the room as I picked up the pace, my hips moving in perfect rhythm. Charles thrust up to meet me, his hands squeezing the flesh of my ass as he helped to guide me onto him.

"You feel so good, baby," Charles panted, his eyes closed in ecstasy. "So wet and tight."

I moaned, my head falling forward as I got lost in the sensations. Charles' cock hit all the right spots inside me, and I could feel my orgasm building already.

Reaching between us, I started to rub my clit in tight circles as I rode him harder, my breath coming in short gasps. "Oh, fuck... I'm gonna cum, Charles."

"Cum for me, baby," Charles urged, his voice thick with his own desire. "Let me feel you squeeze my cock with that tight pussy."

As if on cue, my walls clenched around him, my juices flowing as I cried out his name. Charles groaned, his hips snapping up to meet mine as he thrust into me one last time, spilling himself into the condom.

Our bodies shuddered together as we rode out our intense, mutual orgasm.

Collapsing onto his chest, I felt Charles' arms wrap around me, holding me close. We were both sweaty and sticky, but the post-coital glow and the feeling of satisfaction made it all worth it.

"That was incredible," I murmured, placing a soft kiss on his chest.

Charles smiled, his hand gently tracing invisible circles on my back. "It certainly was. But we're not done yet."

I lifted my head to look at him, a mischievous glint in my eye. "Oh, really? And what did you have in mind?"

Charles' gaze darkened with desire. "I want to try something different. Something a little wilder."

Intrigued, I bit my lip. "Like what?"

Charles rolled them over, pressing a kiss to my neck. "You'll see," he whispered, his hand reaching down to stroke my slick folds. "But first, I want to taste you again."

————

My first Marvel story!!!!

Taglist:

@hiireadstuff @dark-night-sky-99 @rougekiki @dhanihamidi @eddieharrington @tallrock35

[smok3r7]

They Always Come Back

Aaron Hotchner x f!reader

Explicit, 18+

Can It Work?

Main Masterlist & Series Masterlist - My AO3

Summary: You and Aaron met in college, Criminology Major, funny enough. Throughout your five years at George Washington College, you and Hotchner had this on and off again relationship; it was all fun until you started to realize that you loved him. After graduation the two of you cut ties and left it as dumb college love, going your separate ways. After a decade you finally land your dream job, a seat at the BAU; however when you notice the name copied on the email, you can’t believe your eyes.

Chapter Summary: Your first case doesn’t go as planned or at least not how you wanted it to go. Are you fit for this?

Word count: 4.3k

Season 8, Ep. 8 “The Wheels on the Bus” is incorporated in this chapter, I hope you guys enjoy, I had a fun time with this one<3

—

As you sit in the black leather office chair, staring at Aaron with pure intentions, your hands grip the armrests tightly to conceal their shaking. The cold air in the room makes you shiver, but you will not let him see your vulnerability. Aaron's piercing gaze meets yours, and you feel the nerves inside you threatening to unravel.

You take a deep breath, steadying yourself, pleading your facade will hold. Despite the icy chill running through your veins, a fire burns within you, a fierce determination to face whatever challenge lies ahead. You square your shoulders, meeting Aaron's gaze head-on, a silent battle of yearning unraveling between you.

You refuse to let fear control you or take over, ready to confront whatever obstacles you’ll face.

But when Aaron's gaze wanders from your eyes to the glinting gold chain peeking out from beneath your button-up shirt, a rush of anticipation courses through you. With bated breath, you observe the subtle shift in his demeanor as his pupils dilate upon catching sight of the golden heart pendant that he gave you so many years ago.

In that moment, a strong sense of satisfaction wraps around you, knowing that he has noticed the intimate piece of jewelry nestled against your skin. You can almost feel the invisible thread of connection tightening between you, a silent acknowledgement passing between the stares to one another.

"So how've ya been?" you ask into the cold office.

He takes a moment before replying, moving his amber orbs back to yours, "I’ve been fine, just trying to stay on top of everything. You?"

You're hesitant to tell Aaron, so you give a quick response. "I've been busy, but good." Despite the smile on your face, Aaron senses something off. He looks at you intently, waiting for more. You can feel the weight of your secret pressing on your chest, threatening to spill out at any moment. But you push it down, putting on the facade of normalcy.

The truth is, things have been far from good. You've been struggling with something that you're not ready to share yet. There are just some things that shouldn’t be shared immediately, and the fact that you still have feelings for him, is one of them. But you almost feel compelled to tell him, but the need to keep this job fights that feeling.

"We can’t let…whatever this is-” You point your finger to yourself, back to him, and to yourself again, “Get in between the job. It just can’t.” You express it mainly to Aaron but also as a reminder to yourself. “People are counting on us to help them and their community. Our problems are minuscule to theirs.”

Aaron nods in agreement, his determination matching yours. "I agree," he nods, "We both can be professional, right? As long as that happens, you will be a perfect fit to the team."

“I can keep things professional. It’s my forte,” you chime as you stand up and soothe your button up. “It was nice to meet you, Aaron Hotchner.” You figure this is a chance for you both to start over again, you reach your hand over his desk, waiting for him in return. The unexpected warmth in his smile caught you off guard as he reciprocated your handshake.

“It’s nice to meet you, dear.” In that moment, the icy facade of Aaron Hotchner melts away, revealing a glimpse of the person behind the stern exterior. The person who once used to be your person. The person who you used to love.

As you walk out of his office, you can’t shake the feeling that something is going to happen. And little did you know - this encounter marks the beginning of an unexpected connection that unfolds in the weeks to come.

—

“Abducting a bus, a form of transportation, gas masks, shock collars, dividing people into teams. This sounds a lot like Gods of Combat." Rossi announces, but the room stares at him in pure disbelief that the older Italian man knows something about video games. “This is a video game.” He backs himself up, shrugging his shoulders just a bit.

“These guys are replicating a video game?” Derek asks, almost jokingly folding his arms in front of his broad chest as he leans against a desk.

Rossi nods his head and moves towards the big round table, pointing at crime scene photos, “In the game, you take over a form of public transportation. Subway, train, bus. That's how you get your players.”

“Wait a minute. You've played this game before?” You blurt out, you truly are taken aback by Rossi knowing so much about this so-called game. You lean back in the office chair and stretch your legs out in front of you, folding your arms against your chest.

“Well, I may have played it once or twice. But, with how similar it is… it seems like they definitely pre-selected these kids.” Rossi moves his eyes between the whole team.

“I’m sure they got all the kids' personal information from social media sites and they knew when the kids would be most vulnerable. And which bus route they’d be on.” JJ bounces her thoughts to everyone, with which you all agree.

“How do you win this game?” You and Hotch ask at the same time, even though you’re on opposite sides of the table. The whole room goes quiet and the awkward stares between you and Aaron begin, but you try to stay focused on Rossi who apparently knows it all.

You can’t help yourself from looking over to Aaron once more, you instantly see him looking at you but not at your face. You calmly raise your right hand to the golden heart that lays high on your chest. His eyes move off of you faster than the speed of light, almost too fast to catch, but you do.

You’ve caught him staring at it a dozen times since the first day you saw him after so many years, it’s like he can’t stop because he can’t believe after a decade you still have it, let alone wear it.

Two peas in a pod, Derek mumbles to himself as he turns around and fills his second cup of coffee of the morning. You can’t help the small smirk that quickly appears, but you pull it down before too many people notice. But still playing with the small heart.

“Well… That’s why we gotta hurry up and find them. Because the player with the highest body count wins.”

Your stomach drops instantly. You weren’t expecting that information, because now if you are too late to find these kids, they could all end up dead. That responsibility alone, terrifying.

—

The FBI vest clings to your sweaty body as you carefully make your way through the dimly lit building. Your arms feel like stone and jello at the same time, the weight of responsibility heavy on your shoulders.

Despite the physical strain, your mind remains sharp and focused. You have a mission to accomplish - to save the innocent children trapped in this nightmare.

As you navigate through the dark abandoned corridors, you hear faint cries echoing in the distance, urging you to move faster. These kids don’t deserve the horrors that await them.

With each step, you draw closer to the source of the cries, and your heart pounds in anticipation. You prepare yourself for what lay ahead, ready to confront whatever challenges stood in the way of rescuing the children and bringing them to safety.

Continuing to navigate the dark abandoned factory with your team, you can feel the adrenaline coursing through your veins, with Derek leading the way and Aaron covering the rear.

Your heart races as you watch Derek check a hallway to his left, prompting you to swiftly move towards the doorway on the right. With your gun raised, you enter the room and release a silent breath as you find it empty. The tension is high as you three press on, each step echoing in the empty space.

“Just shut up!” Echoes through the cement hallways, in the direction Derek’s heading towards. The three of you quicken your pace, still checking rooms that appear here and there. The arguing becomes louder and louder, until Derek tells you and Hotch to stop along the wall while he slowly moves into the open room, where you can only assume are the unsubs.

“FBI, drop your weapon!” he yells out, “I’m SSA Derek Morgan, I'm here to help you.” You glance at Hotch to make sure he’s thinking the same thing as you. Which he must because he nods once, allowing you to slowly follow Morgan and he follows you.

As the tension hangs in the air, you announce your credentials and last name, followed by Hotch doing the same. The three of you spread out cautiously, not wanting to startle the unsub and trigger a dangerous or harmful reaction. A group of a dozen or more kids are behind a chain link fence with a padlock on the door portion, and two of them have dog shock collars on.

Each step you take feels deliberate, every movement calculated to maintain control of the situation. But from the look of things, you can tell this isn’t going to go smoothly. Your gut instinct is in overtime.

Knowing that one wrong move could escalate the already precarious situation. The stakes are high, and as you brace yourself for whatever might unfold, the weight of the moment is nearly suffocating. But yet, you are calm, cool, and collected.

The brown haired boy looks no older than seventeen, this must be the younger brother, the least dangerous of the two. “C’mon kid, we don’t wanna hurt you,” you firmly plead with him, his gun still aimed at Morgan but his eyes on you. You’re not sure what convinces him to do it, but he lowers the gun to the ground and puts his hands behind his head.

Go, Hotch tells Derek to cuff the kid. But before he gets to the seventeen year old, his older brother comes around the corner with his gun aimed directly at you. Instinctively, you shoot, hitting him dead center in his chest.

A deafening shot echoes in the narrow space. Shock and disbelief mingles with the smell of gunpowder as the reality of the irreversible act sinks in. You watch as the dark brown haired man hits the wall behind him and quickly sinks down to the dirty cold floor, motionless.

You stand frozen in disbelief, a faint screaming from the kids going in one ear and out the other. Your hands tremble, but your grip on the gun remains steady, pointed at the fallen figure before you. In that moment, time seems to stand still as the weight of what you just did settles in. It wasn't just any man you had shot – it was the slick unsub you had been hunting down for days.

The gravity of the situation hits you like a ton of bricks. Your first case on the job, and you have taken a life. The scenes of your own life play out in your mind, a blur of memories and emotions. If you hadn’t taken action, you would be the one on the floor…not him.

You acted on pure instinct, driven by adrenaline and the need to protect the victims, your team, and yourself. But now, as you stare down at the consequences of your actions, you know that this moment will change you.

“A-are you okay?” Aaron’s voice is faint as he asks repeatedly, which shakes you awake from your panic. His right hand on the top of your gun, where your fingers are still tightly wrapped around the handle. You let him take it from your hands, but you still stand there motionless as you stare at the body no more than five feet away from you.

“I will be.”

—

As the sun sets over the horizon, creating this painting-like sky with the brightest oranges and pinks melting into each other, Emily and Derek sit across from you at the jet table, waiting to hear your thoughts about the job. You take a deep breath, trying to gather the many thoughts you have as you begin to debrief them.

You tell them about the adrenaline rush of cracking the case, the satisfaction of bringing justice to the victims. But you also fired your weapon for the first time and ended up killing him, and even though he was your unsub and an evil person - you still took a life.

You’re battling inside if you want to share these thoughts, but this is the time to be truthful about how you’re dealing with something so heavy. It’s the moment you have to decide if this job works for you or not, because if it doesn’t then you have to move on to something else for work, which is okay to do.

“I think I’m just… Still in shock? I’m not sure…” You state but it comes out as more of a question than anything. “I know this guy was the worst, but having to kill him still doesn’t sit right with me.” Leaning back just enough in your seat where your lower back releases some tension in your sore body, “But at the same time… It- it does.”

Morgan and Emily both chuckle to themselves, but in a sympathetic rather than mocking manner. “You may feel that way for a while, or a little bit. First time, it took me two days to get back to myself again. I just didn’t feel real or good about myself, I guess, is the best way to explain it,” Emily truthfully tells you, taking a sip of water to follow as she glances to her right, where Morgan sits.

“It took me a day, but that day felt like months. I almost didn’t come to work the next day… But when I woke up, I told myself that it was me or him. I ultimately had to do it.” Morgan admits, “That’s all you can do.”

You give a forced smile as you play with your fingers and he stands up with his headphones and phone in hand as he moves towards the long couch behind you. But before he passes you, he gently lays his hand on your shoulder. Take your time, he sincerely tells you.

It finally hits you, the importance of having a team that truly cares about each other can make all the difference in the world. Emily and Morgan's unwavering support is your anchor in this weird time in your life.

However, a part of you yearns for Aaron's reassuring presence; his comforting words and warm embrace are sorely missed. A simple, I’m glad you’re safe, would bring you back to solid ground immediately.

—

“Can we talk?”

As you reach your desk the voice you’ve been wanting to hear so bad, finally it’s here. Even though you just wanna go home and escape from this nightmare of a case, you weren’t going to pass up the opportunity of being with Aaron.

“I’ll meet you in your office, gotta use the ladies room.”

Aaron nods his head and turns back towards his office, speaking with Morgan about something, it turns to mumbles as you get farther. As you walk down the hallway towards the bathrooms, you hear the distant sounds of chatter and laughter from the bustling office. You’re surprised how many people are still at work, considering it’s close to midnight.

You quicken your pace, eager to get back to Aaron's office. As you enter the empty corporate bathroom, you take a deep breath and try to calm your racing thoughts.

I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.

After a few moments of deep breathing and building yourself up, you splash some water on your face and stare at your reflection in the mirror. Everything from these past few days replay in your mind, each detail vivid and haunting. Sticking to you like leather seats on a hot day, ripping your skin. You shake your head, willing yourself to focus on one thing at a time.

With a determined look, you straighten your shoulders and head back towards Aaron's office. Quantico may never sleep, but neither do you when there’s work to be done - since you fired your weapon, paperwork is necessary.

On your way back to his office you spot Reid, Emily, and JJ waiting for the elevator, looking ready to go home and sleep. I wish that was me.

JJ calls you over with her arms open, waiting for you. Your face warm with a smile, you go to her and welcome her warm embrace that’s full of love and worry. Her motherly traits have become a huge part of JJ��s personality that it pours out of her at this point. And you’re glad she’s here.

“You’ll be okay.”

“Thank you… You guys get some sleep.” You tell them, wanting to say you’ll see them tomorrow, but you’re not sure if you will.

“You too,” Reid tells you with a small smile on his face, one you haven’t seen much of yet, but you’d like to.

The elevator dings and opens, you step back with a small wave as they walk in and return one to you as the metal doors close. Inhaling deeply, you start your journey back to his office over again with the only intent to listen.

“What’re you still doin’ here?” you question Derek, who’s at his desk busy with what looks to be paperwork of some kind.

“Gotta tell the director it was a good shooting,” he responds, putting his pen down on his desk, he takes in the sight of you standing across from him for a moment, “You’re doin’ well, I can tell you’ll be a good part of the team already.”

You smile and tell him thank you, and to have a good night, which he reciprocates with a playful wink. You like Derek a lot, he’s a great guy all around and he can lighten the mood quickly when things get too serious or he asks the hard questions - the ones that need to be asked.

Walking to what almost feels like the lion's den, you’re nervous. Even though you trust this man with your life, it’s impressive and intimidating he made it as far as the Unit Chief. The relationship now being a boss and employee one, it scares you just enough - your career is in the palm of his hands, he can do whatever he wants.

Without really preparing yourself you knock on the door that’s slightly ajar, come in, and you do without a second thought. Swiftly taking a seat in the same black leather chair as when you first joined the team. You swear you see Aaron wipe his eyes so the tears won’t show, but you don’t say anything.

"I'm sorry you had to do that today," Aaron confesses with a tone you haven’t heard in forever, his amber eyes filled with regret and worry. "I should've been on top of it, that's my fault." His words hang heavy in the air, laden with genuine remorse.

You can see that he means every word he's telling you as he reaches out to comfort you and make sure you’re dealing with this situation the best you can. As you look into his sincere eyes, a wave of gratitude washes over you, knowing that his support is unwavering and is still in him.

Even after a decade, this man still looks out for you and honestly, really cares about you and your well-being. That’s something you don’t find too often anymore… A bond like this one is sacred and holds a lot of meaning

“Don’t be… I had to learn one way or another,” you naturally bicker back, “So now it’s done and out the way.” Shrugging your shoulders, but your right leg bounces rapidly from your anxiety of today. It’s starting to catch up to you and you’re not the only one to notice it.

Aaron doesn’t need to move his eyes to know what’s going on, he just knows. “Well, I’m gonna do your paperwork for you because you need to get home and sleep.” He leans forward with his hands folded together on his desk full of papers and folders. You try to protest but he’s not having any of it, he barks your name to stop your rambling protests - which works like always.

He stands up and moves to your right side, putting his hand out in front of you for you to take. You hesitantly place your hand in his, feeling a jolt of electricity run through you as he gently pulls you up from the seat. As you rise to your feet, there's an undeniable spark between the two of you, like there was back in college.

In that moment, time seems to stand still as you both lock eyes, a silent understanding passing between you. And in that fleeting moment, you kiss him passionately, like you’ve been wanting to since you first laid eyes on him. Your hands naturally find their place on the back of his head, lightly scratching his scalp with your nails.

Aarons body reacting like yours; his hands finding their home on your hips and his tongue gliding its way to yours, itching to take over. It seems like he missed you just as much as you missed him, which you thought was virtually impossible.

But just like that, you stop. What am I doing? He’s my boss…I can’t be doin’ this. What the fuck?

You pull away hesitantly, Aaron sighing but doing the same as he takes one step backwards to give you space. At least he understands, even without words yet again. You open your mouth to say that you’re sorry and that you should’ve known better, but nothing comes out - practically speechless.

As Aaron's voice whispers, "Goodnight," the office feels heavy with unspoken emotions. His words are filled with both sincerity and sorrow, a reflection of the lingering sadness in his heart. You hesitate to walk away, feeling the weight of his feelings and the depth of his longing. It was clear that he struggled to hold back his emotions, for he had missed you the same as you did him.

Before leaving, you give him a smile you haven’t made since that last year in college and you know that he recognizes it. In that moment, you realized the depth of his feelings and the strength of his unspoken love. And as you leave his office, a mix of emotions wash over you, leaving you both yearning for a connection that seemed just out of reach.

—

As you sit in the comfort of your home, a couple hours after you got home and showered as much of the scum off of you as you could, and you still feel sick. Now you’re wrapped up in a soft blanket while Golden Girls plays on your tv in front of you, and a bottle of vodka that you take shots of here and there.

The weight of the case crushes down on you, just as Emily and Morgan had warned.

The image of the kids behind the fence, some with shock collars on, and the man slumped on the ground from your gun burns your retinas, you can’t escape it. The tears finally flow freely, a release long overdue. Something you haven’t been able to do and you thought you wouldn’t, but you are.

The first night back is always the toughest, Emily’s voice reminds you that this is normal, the silence echoing the chaos left behind.

The weight of the case you carry is supposed to hit you hard in the beginning - a reminder that you're only human. But you can’t grasp the idea of being able to kill a person without a second thought… Even though your life and others were in danger, it still seems invalid.

Setting down the glass bottle on the floor, you lay on your side with tears pooling on your pillow. The images on tv are all a blur, you can only hear the sounds of Dorthy and Sophia bickering about Stan. Your stomach twisting itself inside out and back again, your temples pounding, and your heart confused.

For multiple reasons.

Your brain flips from the indescribable memories from the case, to the unforgettable memories with Aaron in his office. The two things couldn’t be more different, it’s like comparing apples to bananas, it just can’t be done.

Emotions swirl within you, trying to find their place in the chaos. It’s hard to distinguish the good feelings from the bad ones right now, the line between them blurred by the weight of the situations. It feels like you should be more upset, more focused on the bad, but somewhere deep inside, a small spark of hope refuses to be extinguished.

As you lay your head down, exhaustion seeping through your bones, fighting the liquor that runs through your blood, a glimmer of hope flickers within you. Despite the battle within, you hold on to that fragile shard of optimism.

Maybe there can be a fix to the wound you have from him, maybe not. But what you do know is this; You are fit for this job and you will continue to be a part of the BAU.

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 24

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Thursday, December 17th; 7:00 PM - Ona and Alexia's Room.

I collapse face down on my bed as soon as I step into my room. All I can think about is being on vacation. It’s about to become reality. To be honest, I’m struggling to grasp that starting tomorrow, I’ll be home for two whole weeks. It feels strange, but it’s definitely going to do me good. These last few weeks have been intense, and I really need a break. I have a splitting headache from all the constant studying. It feels like a hammer pounding in my head without rest. I just got back from Bronze after studying for my last exam, which is tomorrow. I’m relieved to see the end in sight because it was turning into a real disaster. The pressure and anxiety of not succeeding took over, and I started working more than I should have. I felt like the study sessions at Bronze weren’t enough anymore. I became obsessed, to the point of breaking curfew multiple times to study late into the night. The lack of sleep started affecting my behavior. I became unintentionally aggressive, which caught the attention of my supervisor. She noticed the bags under my eyes and figured out what was going on. Let’s just say she gave me a good scolding. Her decision was final, no matter what I said. She took all my study materials out of my room to control my workload. She almost punished me, but she held back when she saw my state. Our relationship has taken another step forward. I think she’s changed since she asked me to call her by her first name outside of school. She’s more open than before. Sometimes, I even call her Lucy when our study sessions run late, and she doesn’t mind. It’s become much more pleasant to spend time with her. She’s reached the point where she can tell what I’m thinking or feeling just by observing me. It’s very unsettling to be read like that. When she realized my problem with studying, she immediately found the right words to reassure me. Ever since she took my things on Friday night, she’s been coming by my room every evening to make sure I get back into a good sleep routine. Still, I’m mentally exhausted. All these exams were too much, and I’m starting to miss my family. I haven’t seen them in a month, hence my eagerness for the holidays.

“Are you done with your revisions at Bronze?”

Alexia snaps me out of my drowsiness. I must have dozed off without realizing it because I didn’t even hear her come in. I groan when she flops down on my back without any consideration. She kisses my cheek before resting her head on mine. Without knowing it, Alexia has started to break down my boundaries around physical contact.

“I came to get you for dinner. You’re coming, right? The others are already there.”

“Yeah,” I mumble into my pillow. “I’m starving. But I’m coming back here afterward.”

“Don’t worry, I was planning on coming back here too.”

“Come on, get off me!” I say, wriggling. “I’m starving!”

I laugh as she teases me by pressing down on me even harder. She finally gets up, but not before giving my butt a playful slap.

“Hey!” I exclaim, feigning indignation.

“Oops,” she says with an innocent look.

I smile and roll my eyes. Without her, I would have probably sunk into a deep depression. I was so angry with Lucy that first night she took my stuff that I was mad at the whole world. Alexia was there that night, and since then, she hasn’t let a single evening pass without making me laugh. She helped me think about other things, and that’s how I came to understand Lucy’s actions. To succeed, I also needed to learn to let go and have some fun. And that’s what I’ve been doing with Alexia. We’ve relaxed a lot, and she even took the opportunity to share new stories from her childhood. I took the chance to tell her about my relationship with Mapi as well. I had promised her a while ago that I would talk about it, so I did. Alexia is someone I really appreciate. She’s strong, and she has such a contagious joy. With those thoughts in mind, we head to the cafeteria in good spirits.

“Have you heard from Mapi these last few days?”

“Not really. She’s also busy studying. Why?”

“Just wondering.”

I don’t press further as we enter the cafeteria. We grab our trays and join our friends who are already seated. I greet the people I haven’t seen yet today. Since our day in the snow, our group sometimes expands at meals with the addition of girls who joined the snowball fight the other day. That’s the case tonight with Ella and Alessia joining us. They’ve taken the usual spots where Ale and I sit, but we don’t mind and take the seats opposite them. Over time, I’ve learned that Alessia is actually Leah’s sister. I figured it wasn’t a coincidence that I get along so well with her. Looking back, I realize they have quite similar personalities. They’re both very calm and thoughtful. Alessia once confided that she thought I had a crush on her sister. I quickly reassured her that we’re just good friends and that it would never go beyond that. I focus on the conversation going around the table. It’s about our upcoming vacation. Everyone is really excited. I get it; I feel the same way. I’m starting to get impatient for tomorrow. I can finally breathe and see my loved ones again.

“Do you already have plans for New Year’s, Ona?” Alba asks me.

“Not really. I guess I’ll spend it with Mapi, but we haven’t talked about it yet.”

“See, I told you she’d already have something planned,” his sister comments.

“Well, technically, nothing’s set yet. Why?”

They exchange a knowing look before Leah decides to speak up.

“To be honest, we usually spend it together here in Manchester. We were hoping you’d join us if you didn’t have any plans.”

“Really? Where do you do it?”

“It’s at our place,” Alessia explains. “We live here, and our parents usually go celebrate New Year’s with their friends.”

“I see. Is this the first time you’ve done this?” I ask curiously.

“No, this will be the third year we’ve done it together,” Ale responds. “It’s the only holiday we can all spend together, so we make the most of it.”

I nod, understanding perfectly. This idea excites me a lot. It would be so cool to finally be able to spend an evening with them outside of school. It’s definitely better than spending a drunken night at Mapi’s friend’s place. Still, I don’t want to leave Mapi behind. We’ve barely spent any time together since I’ve been here. Besides, we’ve always celebrated New Year’s together ever since we met. I know she’s expecting us to spend this one together too. We don’t even need to talk about it to know that.

“I would love to come, but I can’t leave Mapi alone,” I share.

“Why don’t you bring her along?” Alba suggests.

“That’s true, it’s a good idea,” Ale adds. “I really want to meet her after everything you’ve told me about her. Do you think she’d agree?”

“I see why you suddenly asked if I’d heard from her,” I say with an amused smile.

“Yes, well,” she rolls her eyes with a knowing smile. “I wanted to know if you’d already talked about it. Seriously, would it be possible? It’s a bit of a crazy plan, but doable, right?”

“I don’t know. It’s going to be complicated. She has a girlfriend, and I doubt she’d want to celebrate without her,” I grimace. “I’ll ask her and see what she says. Anyway, I want to come, but not without her.”

“She seems important to you,” Lotte comments.

“Well… yeah. She’s my best friend, you know. She’ll always come first.”

“See, I told you she’d say yes,” Patri laughs. “It’ll be awesome if you come. You’re part of the group now.”

I smile sincerely at her. It’s true that I’ve really integrated into their group by now. They’ve been very welcoming from the start, unlike me, who only did things my way. Now, it’s very different. A real friendship has formed between them and me. I was about to respond when someone taps me on the head with an object that echoes above me. I instinctively duck my head to avoid the attack, even though it doesn’t really help. When I try to turn around to see who it is, two large hands on my shoulders stop me.

“What has Mapi done now?”

I relax and lean back against Lucy, recognizing her voice. I expected to see her tonight before curfew.

“Nothing,” I giggle. “We were talking about New Year’s.”

“Oh. I thought you’d heard from her.”

“Briefly this morning, to talk about tomorrow. By the way, she sends her regards,” I say, lifting my head to finally see her.

“That’s nice of her.”

“Yeah. Did you want something specific?”

“I wanted to return the pen you left on my desk. It would be a shame to take your last exams without it, right?”

I smile as I take it back when she dangles it in front of my nose. What would I do without her? Probably not much. I can’t say it’s my lucky pen because I don’t believe in that sort of thing. However, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t like to change their habits once I’ve found something that works for me. That’s exactly how it is with this pen. I would have been frustrated to have to use another one for my last exam.

“Oh, thanks! You didn’t have to. Are you also returning my notes?”

“You need to stop taking advantage of my kindness. I’ll give them back tomorrow.”

“What kindness?” I laugh. “I’m old enough to manage my own sleep schedule.”

“No, you’re not. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have taken your notes.”

I sigh, crossing my arms. Well, I can’t complain too much. It’s true that she’s become nicer than before, even though she still treats me like a kid in some ways. It’s really frustrating, but I guess I’m partly to blame. She knows why she’s keeping my stuff. I would have been tempted to study tonight otherwise.

“Fine, I’ve recovered,” I protest.

“Ona,” she scolds. “I should make you run laps to tire you out tonight.”

“Actually, I think I’ll be fine,” I grimace.

“That’s what I thought. Everything will be fine, anyway. You’re ready.”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “If you say so.”

“I do say so,” she confirms. “Alright, I’ll come by your room before curfew.”

“Wait,” I quickly try to stop her.

“What? Hurry up, Engen is waiting for me.”

I turn to see that, indeed, she’s waiting at their table. I’m not used to sitting with my back to them. I like being able to see Lucy when we’re eating at the same time.

“Ona?” she calls out.

“Sorry… Um… Actually, I have a headache. I was wondering if you could bring me an aspirin or something?”

“Is it just a headache?” she frowns.

I smile when she instinctively places her hand on my forehead. Since my withdrawal and the flu, she worries about every little thing I might have. Well, it’s true that I’m still a bit fragile, but not to that extent.

“I just have a migraine. It’s probably from the studying.”

“And you dare ask me to give back your notes?”

“Oh, come on,” I say, feeling my cheeks flush slightly. “Can you bring me something then?”

“I’m not a walking pharmacy, but I’ll bring you something later.”

“Cool, thanks! And enjoy your meal.”

"Thanks, same to you."

She ruffles my hair before heading back to her table. I place my pen on the tray and watch it for a moment. My smile widens at the thought that she really knows me well.

"Well, you've got quite the bond," Patri chuckles.

"Hmm, if you say so," I shrug.

"It's true," Ella insists. "You're the only student she treats like that."

"We also spend a lot of time together," I shrug again.

"That's for sure," Ale laughs. "You're with her more often than with me!"

"Yeah, anyway, can we get back to the New Year's topic? If you want, we can call Mapi together later," I suggest.

"Oh yeah! That's a great idea, that way we can ask her directly!"

"That's exactly what I was thinking."

Even from a distance, my best friend manages to be loved. I'll keep to myself the fact that Mapi was jealous of Ale at first. She joked about it, but I know she was genuinely jealous. Still, I have no doubt they would get along. They're both so wild when they want to be, and it could cause some real chaos.

"By the way, how does Bronze know her?" Ale arches an eyebrow.

I freeze at her question. Damn, I hadn’t thought about that. You can’t really say they know each other. They’ve only talked once when I had a rough night. Otherwise, it often happens that Bronze comes to my room when I’m on the phone with her on the weekends. So, they greet each other, and sometimes they even tease each other (usually about me).

"Oh, well, you know, we often talk on the weekends, so Bronze hears me talking to her," I shrug.

"Hmm, hmm," she replies skeptically. "I must be missing out on some interesting stuff on the weekends."

"Not really," I laugh nervously.

Great, Ona. Very convincing. If she knew I often sneak out of school thanks to Bronze, I have no doubt she’d have something to say about it.

"Well, I’m done. I’m going back to the dorm. I can’t stand my headache anymore."

"Yep, I’ll join you soon."

I nod and wish everyone else a good evening before leaving the table. I clear my tray and then head out to face the cold. I hesitate for a moment to take the emergency exit to get there faster, but Bronze would kill me if she found out. So, I force myself to take the main entrance. I regret this choice when I hear the noise coming from the common room. Someone forgot to close the door. It makes me realize how disrespectful students can be. They struggle to understand they’re not alone. I escape the noise by going upstairs to avoid worsening my migraine. When I get to the room, I decide to shower immediately so Ale will have space when she returns. In the meantime, she comes back to tell me that she changed her mind under the influence of the others and is heading back down to the common room for a bit. At least I’ll have some time alone. Or so I thought until I come face to face with Bronze as I’m leaving the bathroom.

"You scared me!"

"Sorry, I was looking for you," she smiles softly.

"No problem..."

"Here, for your migraine."

"Oh, thanks... Wait, let me find a sweater first, I’m cold."

"You’re not getting sick again, are you? You’re trembling like a leaf."

"I don’t think so. I’m just cold," I say as I grab a sweater from the closet.

The shower had warmed me up, but the room is cold compared to the sauna I created in the bathroom. Let’s just say that shorts and a T-shirt aren’t enough in these circumstances.

"Your lack of sleep probably isn’t helping."

"Stop blaming everything on that. Don’t forget I’ve only lived in hot countries."

"Hmm..." she says skeptically.

"Anyway, I’m on vacation starting tomorrow at eleven. I’ll have two long weeks to sleep."

"That’s true."

I first put down my phone and computer before going over to her to take the pillbox and a small bottle of water she thoughtfully brought me. I quickly swallow a pill with a few sips of water.

"Can I keep them?"

"Only the bottle. You know the rules."

She smiles at me sympathetically. It’s clear that it’s not safe to leave a pillbox with a former addict.

"It’s not like I’m going to get high."

"You could be capable of it. Now, give me the box."

I don’t argue and hand it back to her before slipping under my blanket. Without asking her opinion, I turn on my computer. I squint, noticing that Lucy doesn’t seem to want to leave.

"Are you planning to stay here for a while?"

"No."

She grabs my desk chair and places it between the two beds before sitting down. I look at her skeptically.

"I’d like to talk about tomorrow."

I frown, not understanding where she’s going with this. She leans back in the chair and crosses her arms.

"For two things. First, how do you feel about the exam?"

I sigh and shake my head. She’s not going to let this go. I had a moment of panic, and now she’s back on my case.

"I’m not trying to bother you. I can tell you’re stressed, which is why I’m asking."

"Who wouldn’t be stressed in my position? I’m a little bit, I admit. But it’s not because of the exam. Well, the dice are cast since it’s the last one... I’m scared because I don’t know if I’ve passed or not."

She nods understandingly. I bite my lip and look down. I feel ridiculous for being so worried over something so minor.

"Hey. No matter the result, you can’t say you didn’t give it your best shot. Okay?" she asks, placing her hand on my leg to get my attention.

"A little bit, maybe. I should have worked harder from the start."

"You were lost back then, and now you have regrets. That’s completely normal, but don’t forget that since then, you’ve pulled yourself together. You’ve made the necessary effort to catch up, so let me tell you... You have nothing to blame yourself for, understand?"

I sigh, nodding slowly. She always has the right words, it’s incredible.

"I get it... I’ll try not to torture myself over it anymore. What’s the second thing?"

"Your return home."

"Lucy," I groan. "I’ll behave, I promise."

"I’m just asking you to be reasonable, OK? Don’t feel obligated to go to parties if you don’t want to, and if there’s any issue—"

"I’ll come talk to you, I promise," I finish for her.

"Good," she sighs. "It’s time for you to sleep."

"No, please. I’d like to call Mapi first. I have something to sort out."

"Alright," she concedes. "You have half an hour. Then you turn everything off."

"OK."

"And in case you’re wondering, I plan to stay here to make sure of it."

"You can’t be serious," I groan. "I don’t need a babysitter."

"You’ll have to deal with it. I want to make sure you sleep on time tonight."

"Who says I won’t have a private conversation with Mapi?"

"Is that the case?"

"Not particularly... The others suggested spending New Year’s here with Mapi. I wanted to ask her about it. It’s a good idea, right?"

"Hmm," she says unconvincingly.

"At least you won’t be far if there’s a problem," I tease.

"I’ll probably have something better to do than look after you during that evening, you know."

"True... I thought you’d be happy about it," I say, opening the FaceTime app. "I’m at least reassured that you won’t be far."

"If you’re reassured, it means you still don’t trust yourself. Anyway, it’s definitely better than a party full of strangers."

"It’s not the best, that’s for sure. I’ve never really liked those kinds of places anyway," I shrug.

"Then why do you go? To put on a show?" she laughs.

"I don’t know. To have fun, I guess. Isn’t that what everyone does when they go to those kinds of places?"

"I guess. I don’t know. I’ve always found those parties stupid."

"Is it just me, or does this topic seem to annoy you?"

"It doesn’t."

I lift my head from my screen to smile at her. It does annoy her for some reason. I know she won’t elaborate, but she could at least be honest.

"You don’t want me going to those kinds of parties, do you?"

"I’d prefer you didn’t, indeed," she admits.

"Alright, you win," I roll my eyes. "If I stay in Barcelona for New Year’s, it’ll be my last party. Is that okay?"

"Wasn’t that already the plan? You promised me you wouldn’t go to any more parties after what happened last time."

Thinking about it, I realize she’s right. I’m not supposed to go to any more parties. I bite my lip, wondering how she managed to get her way. She has such an influence on me that it’s becoming scary. However, with her recent reaction, I can’t tell if it’s because she wants what’s best for me or because she has particular issues with parties. Maybe it’s both.

"I still get New Year’s, though... right?"

She rolls her eyes with a small smile.

"I told you to just be reasonable. Isn’t that clear enough?"

"Thanks..." I exhale. "You scared me for a moment."

"Use these holidays to clear your head and stop thinking about school."

"That’ll be hard. I’ll miss your orders."

"Be glad to be away from my demands. I must be annoying to you," she says, making me laugh. "What’s so funny?" she frowns.

- "I don’t find you annoying. You're just straightforward, and I was serious when I said I'm going to miss you. No one cares about me like you do. By the way, I hope I can write to you during the holidays..."

- "We'll see if I reply," she teases me.

A ringtone interrupts our conversation. I frown as I see an incoming call from my best friend. I was about to call her, but it's surprising that she's calling since we weren’t supposed to talk tonight.

- "Excuse me. I have to take this."

- "Go ahead, you’ve got fifteen minutes left," she reminds me.

I nod, pressing the green button and bringing the phone to my ear. With my other hand, I close my laptop, which is now useless.

- "Hey Maps, I was just about to call you."

- "Hey bonita," she replies in a small voice.

- "Oh! What’s wrong?"

- "Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you."

- "Don’t lie to me. I know you."

- "There’s nothing wrong."

- "Okay... if you say so..."

I squint as I see Lucy smiling. I nod to silently ask her what’s going on. In response, she just smiles wider.

- "What?" I say at the same time Mapi sighs.

- "Huh?"

- "Sorry, I wasn’t talking to you," I say, which makes Lucy laugh.

- "Are you with someone?"

- "Yeah... with Bronze. She’s playing babysitter."

- "Oh, I’ll let you go then."

- "No!" I quickly respond. "It’s not like she can hear you. Tell me what’s wrong. I know something’s up. I can feel it."

There’s a moment of hesitation where she stays silent. She takes a long breath. This is starting to worry me. Lucy seems to understand the situation from the way she looks at me. I suddenly sit up straight when Mapi bursts into uncontrollable sobs. If she’s crying, then something is really wrong. The only other time I’ve seen her cry was when I told her it was over between us.

- "Hey, Maps... What’s going on?" I say softly, not wanting to upset her.

- "Ana," she says. "She dumped me, Ona... Ana dumped me," she repeats desperately.

I part my lips in surprise. I didn’t see that coming... I regret not being by her side right now. Her sobs get louder, and there’s nothing I can do to calm her down. I can’t believe they’re no longer together. I really thought their relationship would last based on how she talked about her. I never really knew how she felt after I left, but hearing her now, I don’t even want to know. I run my hand over my face, trying to keep my composure.

- "Maps, I- It’s going to be okay, alright? I’m coming home tomorrow. I’ll be in Barcelona around eleven PM. You can come with Hector, or you can wait for me at home, okay?"

- "I really thought she was the one, Ona. I finally managed to have a serious relationship again, and she dumped me like trash. Damn it!"

I close my eyes, hearing the loud noise she’s making on the other end. I don’t know what she’s doing, but it doesn’t sound good.

- "Mapi..."

- "What’s going on?" Lucy asks me.

I sigh, covering the phone’s microphone to explain the situation to her. Lucy asks for my phone. I hesitate for a moment before giving it to her.

- "Hey Mapi, it’s Bronze."

I hate myself for doing this, but Lucy is definitely better at handling these situations than I am. I tend to be clumsy with my words and never know what to say. Unlike me, Lucy knows how to handle things. She does it with me, and now she’s doing it with Mapi. She’s calming her anger and reassuring her. It feels like I’m listening to her talk to me when I need her support. Lucy’s words seem to have the desired effect because I can’t hear Mapi yelling from where I’m sitting anymore. She continues talking to her before handing the phone back to me.

- "She wants to talk to you."

I quickly take the phone where I can already hear my best friend calling me.

- "Yeah, it’s me," I reply.

It seems like her crisis has passed. She’s still sniffling a bit, but she’s not crying anymore.

- "I understand why you think she’s so great."

- "I never used those words," I chuckle lightly to ease the situation. "But you’re right."

- "You don’t have to say it. It’s obvious when you talk about her."

- "Let’s not talk about that now. Are you going to be okay?"

- "Hmm," she sighs. "I have to be. I have one of my most important exams tomorrow. I just needed to hear your voice... I’ll come to the airport tomorrow. I want to see you as soon as possible."

- "Alright. I’ll tell Hector to pick you up then."

I see Lucy tapping her watch. She gave me thirty minutes, and I guess they’ve passed.

- "Are you going to stay over?"

- "Of course, if you don’t mind. I think I’ll need your arms, if it’s not too much to ask."

- "Of course not. Go rest now. Bronze wants me to hang up."

- "Bossy, huh?" she giggles slightly, which reassures me about her state. "I thought curfew was at ten PM? It’s only quarter past nine where you are, right?"

- "It’s complicated. I’ll explain when I get back."

- "Don’t tell me you’re having insomnia again?" she questions. "I thought it was over since you hadn’t mentioned it."

- "I was, but not for the reasons you think."

- "Hmm..." she replies skeptically.

Now’s not the time to talk about my problems, especially not in front of Lucy. For now, she’s the one who needs reassurance. I don’t want her to start feeling sorry for herself like I did.

- "I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well, Maps."

- "Goodnight, Onita. Thank you, and thank your supervisor too."

- "I was planning to. Kiss."

I hang up and place my phone on the nightstand. As for my laptop, I put it on the floor, too lazy to get up and put it in the cupboard.

- "Thanks... I didn’t know how to handle that."

- "It’s no big deal."

I don’t have time to reply as the door opens, revealing Alexia. She’s no longer surprised by Lucy’s regular presence.

- "I’m back," she says before grabbing pajamas from her closet. "Are we calling Mapi again?"

- "I just talked to her on the phone. I didn’t have time to ask her about New Year’s."

- "You can chat tomorrow morning. It’s time to sleep now, Ona," Lucy announces to me.

- "I’ll go take my shower then," Ale says. "Goodnight."

- "Goodnight," I reply.

I lie down in bed, looking at Lucy. I think I’m hallucinating when she takes my laptop and phone.

- "Don’t tell me you’re taking those with you?"

- "Yes. I should have thought of this earlier. Have you used them this week?"

- "Of course not," I groan. "You’ve checked on me every day!"

- "Hmm. Come on, I was serious. It’s time to sleep."

- "Are you planning to stay?" I’m surprised.

- "Yes. I want to make sure you sleep."

- "That’s ridiculous," I mutter. "You’re getting too serious about this."

- "Go to sleep."

I roll my eyes and eventually turn my back to her, wrapping myself in the blanket. The good thing is that my headache has finally gone. The bad thing is that Lucy’s presence is unsettling, even when I close my eyes. Sleeping is impossible. Especially with all the noise I hear when Alexia comes back into the room. She seems to be trying not to make any noise, but it’s not enough. I want to complain, but Lucy beats me to it by asking Ale to go to bed. A few minutes later, the light goes out, plunging us all into darkness. I roll over to the other side now that it’s dark and I can’t see Lucy watching me. I know she’s still there; otherwise, I would have heard the sound of the chair. Time passes, and I can make out Alexia’s steady breathing. My mind is too agitated, and it’s starting to annoy me. I sigh heavily, admitting defeat.

- "I can’t sleep," I mutter, rubbing my eye.

- "And then you wonder why I’m still here," she jokes.

- "It’s not funny," I sigh, sitting up.

- "Stay in bed. Curfew has passed."

- "Am I allowed to go to the bathroom?"

She sighs but lets me go. I make sure not to take too long so she doesn’t get impatient. I wash my hands before returning to bed under her watchful eyes.

- "What are you going to do during your vacation?" I murmur.

- "Talking won’t help you fall asleep," she says, annoyed.

- "It might help."

- "No, it just distracts you. We’ll have plenty of time to talk when I take you home tomorrow."

- "You’re taking me to the airport?"

- "Yes, Ona."

- "Cool. I prefer it when it’s you."

- "Don’t get any ideas. It’s just because I’m leaving at the same time as you."

- "Hmm."

I smile even though she can’t see it. Even if it’s the truth, I don’t care about the reasons. I just focus on the fact that she’s the one taking me home, even though she doesn’t have to. I understand now why she wanted to handle my departure reservations. I thought it was to take the burden off me.

- "Thanks," I say.

- "Okay, that’s enough. You’re starting to annoy me by being so awake. If you talk again, I’m really going to make you run laps. Am I clear!?"

- "Oh, come on, calm down," I grumble. "I’ll sleep."

- "I hope so. Goodnight."

- "Goodnight..."

I smile as I finally turn my back to her. I try now to clear my head and pretend she’s not there. This last solution seems to work this time because I finally feel myself drifting off.

[diminuel]

Not to keep yapping about my thoughts, but, to throw some actual comfort into the angst. Prev post 1 Prev post 2

I don’t think Dragon could ever stop caring about Crocodile. Partly because of his guilt and shame, but also I think after a while he starts to realize he loved Crocodile for more than the escapism he offered. I don’t think he could after forget that. But he would probably resign himself to “Crocodile hates me, I’ve hurt him enough. He’s living a different life now. I can’t disturb that, I have no right to.” So just accepts he lost Crocodile and his chance at a family.

So I think Dragon would be more than willing to start a healing journey with Crocodile. But it’s all up to Crocodile whether it happens. Crocodile has a lot of pain to process and heal from. He has a lot of things he has to change his perspective on. He needs to see Dragon is willing and able to take accountability.

I truly think Marineford changed everything. I think it would have give Crocodile a new opportunity to really grow, and unpack his past. To finally truly heal instead of running away from and ignoring it. To see his baby.

I am really unsure how much Crocodile ever let himself truly feel, he probably just coped with it all through anger and shame. Never really wanted to process or understand, just push away and forget. I do also think no matter how much he shames himself for it, I can see him still admiring Dragon or at least not forgetting those cold quiet nights of them being together, loving each other.

So Crocodile has his heart-to-heart with Iva after Marineford. Iva punishes Dragon for his past choices. After sometime of them both moping, Iva suggests that it might be helpful if they both start talking. It doesn’t even have to be about any of the past. Just a simple, how are you. And if that can be good, maybe they can both finally address everything together. Iva probably has to take up the role as mediator, as he sees both sides and knows this can be good for them. Looking over Dragon’s shoulder, making sure he’s behaving.

It's definitely going to be a long, exhausting time before anything is truly better. But I can see them working it out. I’m sure Crocodile would be anxious to EVER make an intimate promise like before. So I don’t see it happening unless he can truly heal, and it’s what he wants and things will be good for him.

I don’t think Dragon would try to initiate any sort of like “hey I think we should talk again, or be partners again.” As that’s not really his call. Crocodile needs to feel he’s respected and in control here to build back trust. So I think Dragon would be pleased with anything Crocodile is wiling to give him. Whether that’s with the label “Partners” or not. I can definitely see them working something out.

(But I can def see them having long nice calls of just taking and being in each other presence. And or meeting up occasionally, and just fucking LOL!!)

Yeah, I think the perspective that distance and age brings might take some of the edge off of Crocodile's anger. He might be more understanding of what both of them got out of the relationship and he might also come to understand just how vital it to stay dedicated if you're leading an entire (sort of secret) organization. He understands how some things, even the most important and most precious things, will have to wait. Because they could wait, no matter how much it sucked to be pregnant and alone there weren't the lives of thousands at stake. (Crocodile was probably also isolated with only the midwife there to keep him infrequent, professional "company". Of course he withdraws into himself and stews in all the discomfort and loneliness and bitterness). But Dragon could not communicate that and Crocodile could not see it.

He does now. And maybe he does at times wonder how it would have been if they had overcome that. Because he did feel good with Dragon before everything crashed and burned around them.

But Marineford tore up a lot of wounds and despite it all, how is he able to cope with the choice Dragon made? A dead baby might have been a loss to put behind them and eventually move on. But a very much alive baby, that lie, the abandonment of it to the whims of Garp and Mountain Bandits?

The talking with Iva there as mediator would definitely help (especially since Iva will just be obnoxious and push and not let them sit on their resentments. He needs Dragon focused and it's in Crocodile's best interest to also figure this out.)

But yessss, phone calls and conversations and fucking. Hey, they've got a lot of pent up energy. And both of them probably haven't gotten laid in years. What's the worst that could happen?

[hermajestyimher]

How do I stop letting depression/anxiety control me and how I view myself? I’ve gotten better, but I just feel like my appearance has so much control over me. I am black, but I’ve just been so insecure of my nose and it being on the bigger side, especially compared to other black women (this isn’t to out them down or anything! I think they are absolutely beautiful people and I love them :D). I just feel like I’ve been dealt such a bad hand in life by being unattractive and that all my hardships especially with my relationship with others (romantic and platonic) just stem from me being/feeling unattractive and being a naturally awkward person doesn’t help. I constantly day dream about being a woman like Anok Yai or even someone with the sort of energy as Mia goth. I don’t want this to turn into some pity post, but I want to be able to be beautiful while also replacing this awkward personality of mines. This feels super childish and all over the place, but I just feel a little lost with myself and who I am.

So TLDR is: How do I become/start feeling attractive and become a more confident and charismatic person? Thank you and Im so sorry for the messiness of this post!

Hi my love, it sounds like you need to do a lot of self-concept work to change your internal dialogue and improve how you see yourself. It's essential to build a strong foundation of self-worth and confidence that isn't easily shaken by external influences. Here are some practical steps you can take to begin this transformative process:

1. Eliminate All Forms of Negative Stimuli

One of the first steps in enhancing your self-concept is eliminating the stimuli that contribute to self-doubt. This involves a thorough examination of what you consume daily, whether it’s media, people, or experiences. Start by unfollowing individuals and accounts on social media that make you feel inadequate or pressured to conform to unrealistic standards. Pay attention to how certain songs or films make you feel; if they perpetuate feelings of self-doubt or insecurity, consider removing them from your playlist.

It's crucial to be mindful of what you're feeding your mind. Often, we internalize negative messages without realizing it. These can come from people who appear close to us or through entertainment that subtly promotes insecurity. Perform a detailed assessment of who you’re listening to and determine if their influence is healthy. If not, create distance, whether that means unfollowing them online or spending less time with them in person. Surround yourself with people and content that uplift and inspire you rather than bring you down.

Pro Tip: Make a list of accounts, shows, and songs you consume regularly, and categorize them into “Positive,” “Neutral,” and “Negative.” Actively replace those in the “Negative” category with something positive.

2. Surround Yourself with Positive and Aspirational Content

After you've cleared out negative influences, it's time to replace them with content that uplifts and inspires you. Look for media and role models that align with your aspirations. This could mean following influencers who promote body positivity, self-love, or healthy lifestyles. Find women who embody the qualities you admire and whose lifestyles you aspire to emulate.

Comparison, when used wisely, can motivate us to strive for more. Instead of comparing yourself to others out of insecurity, use it as a tool for growth. Observe the habits, routines, and mindsets of those you admire, and learn from them. Incorporate their positive traits into your life in a way that feels authentic to you.

Additionally, consider expanding your social circle by engaging in environments where aspirational people frequent, such as networking events, workshops, or fitness classes. Being around people who have achieved what you’re aiming for can provide real-life inspiration and show you that your goals are attainable.

Pro Tip: Create a vision board or digital collage of people and things that inspire you. Include images, quotes, and achievements you aspire to. This visual reminder can be a powerful motivator.

3. Reprogram Your Mind with Positive Affirmations

Changing your internal dialogue is critical for improving your self-concept. One effective method is using subliminals and affirmations, which can help rewire your brain with positive messages. These techniques work by bypassing the conscious mind and directly influencing the subconscious, gradually replacing negative beliefs with empowering ones.

Find subliminal audios or affirmation tracks that resonate with you and your goals. For instance, if you're working on self-confidence, look for recordings that focus on self-assurance and self-love. I recommend listening to this one for about 30 minutes daily, ideally in the morning when you wake up or right before bedtime when your subconscious is most receptive. You can find a variety of these resources online, just be careful to read the comments before listening to ensure the affirmations are safe and vetted by others.

As you integrate these practices, remember that consistency is key. Regular exposure to positive affirmations will slowly build a new mindset, one that's more aligned with your true worth and potential. You can also use affirmations to help change your physical appearance as well.

Pro Tip: Write down a set of personal affirmations that resonate with you. Repeat them to yourself every morning and evening as a daily ritual. This practice will reinforce positive beliefs about yourself and your abilities.

4. Improve Your Physical Health

Taking care of your physical well-being is a vital aspect of boosting self-concept. Exercise regularly, not just for physical benefits but also for the mental and emotional gains that come with it. Engaging in physical activity releases endorphins, reduces stress, and builds self-discipline, all of which contribute to a stronger sense of self-worth.

Create a balanced workout routine that you enjoy and can stick to consistently. Whether it’s yoga, running, weightlifting, or dance, find what resonates with you and keeps you motivated. Pair this with a nutritious diet that fuels your body and mind, helping you feel energized and confident.

Remember, discipline in maintaining a healthy lifestyle not only improves your physical appearance but also enhances your mental resilience and self-discipline. These are foundational qualities that contribute to a greater sense of life satisfaction and fulfillment.

Pro Tip: Set realistic fitness goals and track your progress. Celebrate small victories along the way to stay motivated and recognize how far you’ve come.

5. Cultivate Self-Acceptance and Reject Self-Pity

Finally, the ultimate goal is to cultivate a mindset of self-acceptance and reject any form of self-pity. Pity is a toxic emotion that disempowers you and feeds into a cycle of negativity. Recognize that your worth is intrinsic and not solely dependent on external validation or appearance.

Understand that you have the power to transform your life through consistent effort and self-belief. Your value is not determined by how you look or by the opinions of others, but by your inherent qualities and the actions you take to improve yourself. Embrace the fact that you are wonderfully made, unique, and deserving of love and success.

Pro Tip: Practice gratitude daily by acknowledging your strengths and achievements. Keep a journal where you write down three things you are grateful for each day. This practice will shift your focus from self-criticism to self-appreciation.

Remember that the journey to a positive self-concept is ongoing and requires patience and commitment. As you embark on this path, know that you are not alone and that every step you take towards self-improvement brings you closer to becoming the best version of yourself. Keep your head up, stay true to your values, and be proud of the person you are becoming.

You are not lesser than anybody else; you are wonderfully made, and you should be glad to be who you are.

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: Queer science fiction, part 2

There is a lot of queer sf out there, and I read a lot of sf. When I started working on this list, I quickly realized it was impossible to include all that I’ve read and enjoyed in one single rec post. Thus, this is my second queer sci-fi book rec post. For queer sci-fi part 1, click here!

A note: queer here does not necessarily mean “guarantee of an f/f or m/m ship with a happy ending”, but rather simply a significant presence of queerness. Some of the books feature no romance but has a same gender attracted/trans/a-spectrum lead, or features an m/f relationship with bisexual, trans or aro/ace characters, or simply features a world-building which is heavily queer inclusive in ways that don’t always compare to our own ideas of sexuality and gender. I have however disqualified works where the only queer presence is along the lines of “gay best friend”, word of god, and a blink and you’ll miss it confirmation that never comes up again.

For more details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. And as always, feel free to share your own recs in the notes!

If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!

Empress of Forever by Max Gladstone

Vivian Liao is a highly successful innovator, but she may have bitten off more than she can chew and fears the government may be coming for her. As she goes into hiding, she attempts to pull off one last stunt that could fix everything - but something goes wrong, and suddenly Vivian finds herself waking up in the far future, under attack by an army of robots in space. Hoping to find her way back home, Vivian must assemble a crew of dangerous outlaws to help her hunt down the Empress of Forever, the all-powerful entity who pulled her into the future. Lesbian main character.

The Mimicking of Known Successes by Malka Older

Novella. On the outpost of a human colony by Jupiter, a man has gone missing. On the case to find him - and figure out why he disappeared in the first place - is enigmatic investigator Mossa. Her search leads her to the colony's university, and with it, her ex-girlfriend Pleiti, expert on Earth's pre-collapse ecosystem. Together they come to realize that the case is much larger than just a missing man, and could decide the outcome of humanity's very future. Sapphic.

My Heart is Human by Reese Hogan

Nine years ago, all complex technology was made illegal. This complicates life for Joel, young transgender single father, as a bionic just uploaded itself into his brain without consent. Scared of losing his daughter, Joel tries to keep the bionic secret while using it to fix his life, but things quickly get more complicated as the bionic gains more and more control of his body. A bit simplistic in writing style but makes a lot of cool parallels of bodily autonomy to Joel’s experiences as a transman. M/M romance.

The Vanished Birds by Simon Jimenez*

A strange child lands on an isolated planet, scaring its inhabitants into handing him over into the hands of Nia Amani. As captain of a transport ship, Nia is not only the planet's only contact with the outside world, she is also a woman out of time, years compressing into months as she travels through space at high speeds. Now responsible for a child who doesn't speak and in a galaxy that wishes them ill, she must rethink exactly what she wants to do with her life, and what she's prepared to give up. Features multiple major queer characters.

The Abyss Surrounds Us (The Abyss Surrounds Us duology) by Emily Skrutskie

Young Adult. Tumblr classic back in the day! Cassandra Leung's family are keepers of sea monsters, genetically engineered and trained to protect ships from pirates. On her first solo mission, Cas finds herself kidnapped by pirates seeking to obtain their own monster. Now they need her help to train it. As Cas seeks to regain her freedom, she must also reckon with unfortunate growing feelings for one of the pirates keeping her under guard. Sapphic.

Ancestral Night (White space series) by Elizabeth Bear

Haimey Dz is part of a three-man salvage crew in space (one of the crew being the sentient spaceship himself). When the small crew comes across a derelict ship that proves the scene of a horrible crime, they must go on the run as they seek to uncover a conspiracy that involves both ancient secrets older than humanity itself, and Haimey's own hidden past. On their tail is a dangerous space pirate, convinced that Haimey is the key to it all. Lesbian main character.

Ancillary Justice (Imperial Radch) by Ann Leckie*

A space opera in which sentient spaceships can walk the ground in stolen human bodies, so called ancillaries. One of these ancillaries, the sole survivor after the complete destruction of her ship and crew, is one the hunt for revenge against the most powerful woman in the empire. This series does very cool things with gender!

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin

Five New Yorkers find themselves experiencing strangness as the city itself begins to wake up. They are its soul, its avatars and its protectors, and now they must keep it safe as it wakes as something alien and monstrous attempts to kill it before it's even fully alive. Mix of sci-fi, supernatural, and lovecraftian horror. Multiple pov characters of varying queer identities.

Gideon the Ninth (The Locked Tomb series) by Tamsyn Muir*

Gideon, raised as a swordswoman by unfriendly nuns, would rather run away and make her own life, but her services are needed. The Reverend Daughter, Gideon's childhood nemesis, has been invited to a trial to win a place as an immortal by the Emperor's side, and she's in need of a bodyguard. Listen, if you’re on tumblr I probably don’t need to explain this book to you. Trust me when I say it’s exactly as good as people claim. Humorous and spooky but also absolutely gut wrenching and clever with a lot of political commentary. There are also, indeed, lesbian necromancers in space.

A Big Ship at the Edge of the Universe (Salvagers trilogy) by Alechia Dow

In a universe run on science and magic working hand in hand, Boots Elsworth makes a living selling fake treasure maps and Nilah Brio is a racer. When one of Boots' maps turns out to be more real than expected and Nilah has to go on the run after having been framed for a murder, the two find themselves on the same spaceship, working with Boots' old captain to find the rumored treasure and reveal the conspiracy its hiding before the people hunting them catch up. Features a main f/f relationship.

The Company of Death by Elisa Hansen*

A wild mix of genres, where a zombie apocalypse has struck and vampires gather up humans to keep their food source from going extinct, a robot travels across America with a young man she’s tasked to keep safe, and former-vampire-hunter-recent-zombie Emily teams up with Death himself to stop the apocalypse. Features bi and ace characters! Bonus rec: the author also runs the youtube channel Maven of the Eventide, where she talks about various vampire media. Check it out!

Light from Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki

Shizuka Satomi is a violin master who made a deal with a devil, and who must now save her soul by delivering the souls of her students in place of her own. Lan Tran is a mother and a refugee of an alien war, hiding on Earth with her children in a donut shop. Katrina Nguyen is a trangender runaway and violin player, in the need of a mentor. As their paths cross, their lives change forever. I would categorize this as cozy, however it does also deal with some pretty heavy themes.

The Summer Prince by Alaya Dawn Johnson*

Young adult. Young artist June Costa lives in Palmares Tres, a beautiful, matriarchal city relying heavily on tradition, one of which is the Summer King. The most recent Summer King is Enki, a bold boy and fellow artist. With him at her side, June seeks to finally find fame and recognition through her art, breaking through the generational divide of her home. But growing close to Enki is dangerous, because he, like all Summer Kings, is destined to die. While the main relationship is m/f, it features a worldbuilding where bisexuality is the norm, which is portrayed in its major characters.

The Gilded Abyss by Rebecca Thorne

Nix Marr is a soldier and damned good at it, but that doesn't prepare her for her next mission: bodyguard for Subarch Kessandra, beloved royal and Nix's bitter ex, as she ventures into the underwater city of Fall to seek the cause of a bloody murder spree and a possible deadly contagion. But Kessandra has enemies, the answers she seeks marking her as a possible threat for the nation's rulers. On their way in an isolated and enclosed underwater ship toward Fall, the contagion catches up, and Nix will have to put her hurt feelings aside if the two are to arrive alive. Sci-fi with flavors of horror and the supernatural.

Adaptation (Adaptation duology) by Malinda Lo

Young adult. Strangeness is afoot: all over America, birds are hurling themselves against airplanes and causing crashes. As flights are canceled and travelers stranded, Reese and her debate partner and longtime crush David are forced to head home by car. Accident strikes, and the two wake in a military hospital with no memory of the last month. Returning home, strangeness follows the two, especially as Reese encounters the mysterious and beautiful Amber Gray, who may know more than she lets on. Features a bisexual love triangle.

Lizard Radio by Pat Schmatz

Young adult. Fifteen-year-old Kivali, abandoned at birth and adopted by the nonconformist artist Sheila, has as a girl in boys clothes never fit in with the other kids. Sheila has always been supportive, until she one day sends Kivali off to CropCamp. While Kivali chafes at the strict rules of the camp, she also finds herself making friends, and maybe more, for the first time. Strange coming of age story, featuring exploration of gender and sexuality in a dystopian setting.

Isle of Broken Years by Jane Fletcher

Young spanish noblewoman Catalina thinks she’s done for when the ship she’s traveling on is attacked by pirates and she’s captured. Things gets worse when the entire crew is stranded on an inhospitable island where time works strangely, dangerous monsters terrorize the woods and something alien stops them from leaving. Strong Lost vibes. Lesbian romance. Admittedly quite indulgent but very fun and creative.

All Systems Red (The Murderbot Diaries) by Marta Wells*

After having hacked its own governor module, SecUnit uses its small amount of new freedom to secretly download and watch as much media as it can between doing its job guarding humans. But when the scientists it’s been charged with keeping safe come under attack, it must make a choice about whether to continue keeping its freedom secret or risk it all to save them. The series features both novellas and full length novels, and balances humor with scathing critique of capitalism. While it can be debated whether SecUnit counts as agender, asexual and aromantic, as it is a robot (I leave this up to individual judgmenet), however the series also has a diverse cast overall.

The Quiet at the End of the World by Lauren James*

Young adult. After the spread of a global virus causing infertility, teenagers Lowrie and Shen are now the youngest humans alive as the adults around them race to find a cure. As they investigate the ruins of the world, the two come across records from the past, of how grief stricken people turned to raising artificial children in apps and how these 'children’ developed, and through these records the two learn of their history. Bisexual main character.

Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah*

In a near future America, inmates on death row or with life sentences in private prisons can choose to participate in death matches for entertainment. If they survive long enough - a rare case indeed - they regain their freedom. Among these prisoners are Loretta Thurwar and Hamara “Hurricane Staxxx” Stacker, partners behind the scenes and close to the deadline of a possible release - if only they can survive for long enough. As the game continues to be stacked against them and protests mount outside, two women fight for love, freedom, and their own humanity. Chain-Gang All-Stars is bleak and unflinching as well as genuinely hopeful in its portrayal of a dark but all to real possible future. Sapphic.

The Disasters by M.K. England

A decade ago, the massive ship House of Wisdom was abandoned in orbit after its entire crew was killed in an outbreak in a matter of hours. Now, Zahra and her people hope to claim the ship as their own by kidnapping the sole survivor to gain access to its systems. But the danger of the House of Wisdom is far from gone. Horror, no major romance but has a major gay character.

Nax Hall may be a hotshot pilot, but that doesn't stop him from being expelled from the prestigious Ellis Station Academy in less than 24 hours. But as he's to be transported back to Earth alongside other failed students, the school is viciously attacked. Nax and the three other students only barely escape, and are left as the only witnesses - and the perfect scapegoats. Now they must go on the run together and find a way to clear their names. Bisexual main character.

Dust (Jacob's Ladder series) by Elizabeth Bear

In a dying spaceship, orbiting an equally dying sun, noblewoman Perceval waits for her own gruesome death. Having been captured by an opposing house, her wings severed and life forfeit, Perceval’s execution is imminent - until a young servant charged with her care proves to be Perceval’s long lost sister. To stop a war between houses likely to doom them all, the two flee together across a crumbling, dangerous spaceship. At its core waits Jacob Dust, god and angel, all that remains of what the ship once was. And he wants Perceval. Sapphic and asexual characters, however be prepared for kinda fucked up relationships.

Under Fortunate Stars by Ren Hutchings

Two ships have gotten stuck in a rift in space, isolated outside of time. One of them is the Jonah, a ship dodging a generations long war against an alien species, carrying a small crew of smugglers, an unintended passenger, and a hijacker. The other ship is the Gallion, which arrived from 150 years in the future carrying an alien ambassador - and whose crew is awestruck at meeting the heroes of the Jonah, known to have ended the war. As the two crews struggle to understand each other's timelines, they must also work together to leave the rift before they're stranded forever. Multiple queer characters, however the main romance plotlines are m/f.

One Last Stop by Casey McQiston*

Twenty-three-year-old August has a lot to deal with. She just moved to New York, got new job at a pancake diner, and acquired several slightly chaotic roommates. So what if she likes to flirt with the pretty girl on her subway commute? But Jane turns out to be more than just a charming stranger: she's lost in time, displaced from the 70s, and unable to leave the subway. Romance with a dash of timetravel sci-fi, One Last Stop is a delightful story of love and queer community.

The Women Could Fly by Megan Giddings*

In an alternate version of our present, the witch hunt never ended. Women are constantly watched and expected to marry young so their husbands can keep an eye on them. When she was fourteen, Josephine’s mother disappeared, leveling suspicions at both mother and daughter of possible witchcraft. Now, nearly a decade and a half later, Jo, in trying to finally accept her missing mother as dead, decides to follow up on a set of seemingly nonsensical instructions left in her will. Features a bisexual lead!

Salvation Day by Kali Wallace

A decade ago, the massive ship House of Wisdom was abandoned in orbit after its entire crew was killed in an outbreak in a matter of hours. Now, Zahra and her people hope to claim the ship as their own by kidnapping the sole survivor to gain access. But the danger of the House of Wisdom is far from gone. Horror, no major romance but has a major gay character.

Alien: Echo by Mira Grant

Young adult. Twin sisters Olivia and Viola's parents are both xenobiologists, bringing them all over the galaxy. Most recently they’ve settled on a new colony world to study its life, but it proves more dangerous than they could’ve ever imagined. Under attack from alien monsters, the sisters must keep each pther alive while also coming to terms with a dark family secret. Sapphic horror. Part of the Alien franchise but stands well on its own.

[the-cactus-taco]

OK, I liked writing the last one so much I wrote another dumb little mirrorverse fic. This one’s a bit spicier than the other, but nothing that goes against Tumblr terms of service. again, sorry for any typos

Romantic relationship: fresh x greaser x lust

CW: arousal, possession, loss of control, and of course: 

(sorry I’ve been wanting to use that gift forever)

Anyways, here it is



You’re enjoying this a bit much, aren’t you?

The doctor taped his pen against his clipboard. Unsure of what to do. “Hey baby doll~ need somethin?” Called his lab assistant. Greaser sans was tall compared to the doctor, yet he and his other partner still called him— “ah, Lab Rat… yes I am in need of something”

“What can I help ya with?” He said, sitting down backwards on a near by chair. Leaning against it’s headboard. “I don’t have enough data on fresh’s possession ability to form a proper hypothesis for this particular scenario…” he rubbed his chin, before glancing to his assistant and looking him up and down. A devious grin growing on his face “But… I know where I can get some~”

The doctor called fresh into the testing chambers, before telling him and rat of his plans…

“You w-want him to posses… me??” Greater stammered “precisely~” replied doc. “With you as a willing participant, I could collect much more data before separation. And you and fresh could spend some… quality time, together~” greaser’s blue blush flared as fresh put a hand on his shoulder. “Chillax broski! It’ll be rad!”

Fresh stretched his arms above his head. “So when do we do we start?” The doctor began taking notes “whenever you’re both ready~” fresh smiled and looked over to rat, cupping his face in one hand. His other hand slid down his own throat, pulling up a single writhing purple parasite. Fresh held in over the other’s face, as to drop it in his mouth. “Open wide~” he cooed.

Grease was shaking in his boots. His normal witty banter falling completely silent as he looked up at the parasite above him. Fresh’s face went from satisfied to concerned and contemplative. Before he let go of rat’s face and dropped the parasite on the floor. The purple star crawling back in through Fresh’s pant leg “this don’t feel right… “ he said, tapping his foot. “Heya doc!” He called “yes fresh?” The doctor replied

“Would it mess up yo research if I was the one to get in there?” Questioned the colony. “and… What do you mean by that?” Fresh looked to rat and bent down to meet their eyes. Staring deep into their soul. “I want in there… no arms. Me.” The authority in Fresh’s voice sent a shiver of anticipation through greaser. Doc taped his pen to his chin. Before a look of realization bloomed on his face “you… want to posses him with your core instead of one of your arms…?”

“Bingo!” Fresh replied. Complete with finger guns.

“You’ve never shown interest in something like that before…” replied doc. “Heh, yeah…” fresh cupped greasers face with his hand again. “Never had someone interest me like this till now…” at this point, greasers entire face is glowing bright blue. Causing doc to chuckle at the site. He gave a warm smile to his partners, happy to see them so infatuated with each other. “Yes fresh… this will affect my research. But seeing as you also have an interest in this Avenue, I believe it will be valuable nonetheless. So we shall proceed.”

Fresh pumped his fist in the air and moved to the center of the room. He spread his arms wide and took a deep breath, before his body seemed to disintegrate, leaving a pile of parasites where he once stood. The parasites crawled away into the containers lining the walls built just for them. Eventually, all that was left, lying on the floor, was the biggest parasite.

The creature’s eye soon snapped open, zeroed in on greaser. “T-thats still him..?” Rat managed to choke out. “Yes. That is the hive’s core. Think of it as a queen bee. It’s the glue that holds the rest of the colony together.” The doctor replied. Rat looked between fresh and doc before stammering “w-what now?” Doc chuckled under his breath “simply approach whenever you are ready~”

Greaser looked to the floor, slowly creeping towards the parasite. “H-hey doll… it’s me! You can see me.. r-right?” But before he could form another thought, the star leaped at rat’s face, knocking him onto is back.

Greaser grabbed at fresh, rolling around like he was on fire. “Let him in, sweetheart~ I can’t do any testing if you resist~” doc reminded him. Rat remembered the thing on his face was his friend, his partner, and tried to relax. The parasite weaseled its way into his mouth, and down his non-existent throat. Causing the other to choke and gag.

In an instant, greaser felt as if he was being embraced on all sides. Every part of him held close, as fresh wrapped himself around rat’s soul. Grease began to quiver, eye lights going wide under his sunglasses. Pure euphoria coursed through his veins as what felt like a kiss was pressed into his very being. Rat let out a small wine as fresh took over. A puff of rainbow smoke engulfing his body.

Greaser awoke in is own mind. It felt as if he was floating in a void. He could see through is eyes, but he couldn’t move. couldn’t speak. Yet he felt so… safe. It still felt as if he was being hugged form all angles. An embrace so close that two became one. Loosing control… it felt… good. Less like a forceful eviction, and more Like his partner gently pulling him to the side, kissing him, and saying “don’t worry my love. I’ll take it from here.”

Rat relaxed in is mind scape. Metaphysical eyes rolling back in his head as he soked in fresh’s intent

Your mine/can’t escape/part of the swarm/part of me

Doc coughed on the smoke, waving his hand in front of his face. As greaser stood, the smoke cleared. Reviling his new appearance. The possessed rat shot the doctor a pair of finger guns“Hey-o baby! How’s ma favorite doc doin?” The doctor chuckled at Fresh’s advance. “Doing wonderfully sweat heart~ how do you feel?”

“Radder then eva broski!” And the doctor could tell. As sparks of magic, usually reserved for if monsters showed affection (hugging, kissing, purring), were shooting off greaser’s body at an almost alarming rate. As if his test subject’s entire existence as an act of love. And it was.

“Alright you two… it’s time to get to work~” doc said with a mischievous grin. The doctor ran a full physical on the fused pair. Along side some strength and magic tests. In all It took just about two hours to collect all the data doc wanted.

Greaser sat on an examination table as doc jotted down some final notes. “Now then… that is more then enough for today. Boys…” doc glanced to fresh and rat, before pausing. Examining the two. Fresh rubbed grease’s thighs together impatiently. Their ecto drenched in sweat. And the way they looked- no- stared at him. Even through their glasses, it was a look lust knew well. “My my~” he began “you two are enjoying this quiet a bit… aren’t you~”

Greaser screamed out from within his mind. YES. GOD YES. He was enjoying every moment of this connection more than anything he ever had before. The feeling of being engulfed in someone else’s intent. The feeling of fresh gently moving his body for him. It felt like he was in heaven. Fresh was enjoying this too. The feeling of power, of control… but most tantalizing, trust. Greaser truly trusted him with his body. A sensation fresh rarely if ever felt from his hosts. The words spilled from their mouth as they were lost in each other. “Absolutely~”

Doc’s smile grew as he stepped forward, placing a hand on their partners face. His thumb rubbed their cheek. “Well then… I believe another type of testing is in order… wouldn’t you say~” both fresh a greaser salivated at the idea “Of corse!!” They blurted out.

Lust backed away, setting down his clipboard. His voice was silken and sweet “Follow me~” he said. Gesturing towards the door. Fresh and greaser hoped off the table and ran after the doctor. Lust slipping off his lab coat and hanging it up as they left. After exiting the laboratory, they moved into their shared bedroom at the end of the hall.

They had the whole night to themselves. And they were gonna make it count.

…

Later that night, the pair were cuddling in bed. Fresh felt a tad worried about how long he’d stayed in his friend’s body, and began to crawl out through their mouth. Only for grease to slap and hand over fresh’s exit. Keeping him inside. The parasite was confused. Before tasting the intent behind the action

I’m yours/stay with me/part of the swarm/part of you

Fresh paused for a moment. Realizing that, never in his vast lifetime had someone with for him to stay with them. Be part of them. Fresh’s tentacles wrapped back around the other’s delicate soul. Cradling it as if it was his whole world. A small sound escaped rat’s mouth as he began to purr of his own fruition. fresh snuggled tighter as grease began to drift to sleep

The next morning, rat was disappointed to find himself back to normal. Only to fluster at the realization that fresh was back to his normal self as well. But not only that, he was also in bed with them, snuggled against greaser’s back. As lust held him from the front, grease was trapped in the middle of a cuddle pile. And he couldn’t be happier. Smiling, purring, and deciding that waking up could wait a little longer.

[frankenkyle19]

Rhythm of your undead heart

Description: You’ve been begging James for months to let you take control in the bed. Just for one night. He finally says yes, without realizing just how much he sighed up for

I was listening to Mr. Schwartz by Arctic Monkeys on repeat while writing the rest of this and ended up SPEEDING through it. Thank god for music

word count: 4.3k

warnings: smut, anal, probably ooc James, pain kink, mentions of blood and James’ past

It was difficult. Being in a relationship with not only an infamous serial killer, but a dead one at that. At times he acted as if he didn’t give a damn about you. As if you didn’t even exist. He had other ‘matters to attend to’ according to him. But despite it all, you stayed by his side. He was eternally grateful for that. Now he  may not have always made it known, but he really was fond of you. You made his undead heart flutter. Made him feel things that he nearly forgot he could feel after his many years of being dead. Feelings he hadn’t felt since the first time he laid eyes on his dear countess. 

James was a very attentive lover, almost always seeing to your needs immediately. He wanted you to be so content in his hotel that you wouldn’t ever think of leaving. Sometimes he’d even fantasize about killing you. What it would be like to lay you out on his bed, ravage you, and while you’re in the throes of release with him so deep inside you, he would slide his knife across the delicate, vulnerable skin of your neck. How he’d watch you choke on your own blood, eyes wide and full of fear, before you would inevitably return to him in your ghostly form. Maybe one day he would take your life, but he enjoyed you enough right now that he kept you just as you were. It was an honor. But it would also be just as much of an honor to be killed by the man.

The one thing James March was not, was submissive. There was not a single bone in his body that ever wanted to submit to you, or to anyone. It simply wasn’t in his nature. He was raised by a father who had the wrong ideas of what a man should or rather, had to be. And no matter how many times you asked, his answer stayed the same.

No my dear, I don’t think I will. 

Still, you persisted. Months and months of asking James to just let you have one night to pleasure him. Tie him to the bed and have your way. Every time it was ‘no no no’, but the more you asked the harder time he had denying you. He hated denying you anything. You quite literally had him wrapped around your finger. Maybe even more so than his dear Elizabeth once had. 

So on his very own birthday, Devil’s night, he finally caved and said yes.

————————————————————————

“Really?” Your eyes were wide as saucers as you looked him over to see if he was just messing with you, but of course James wasn’t one to mess around. 

“Yes dear. You have been quite persistent with your asking, so I’ve realized how much it would mean to you. You may have your way with me.” He said with ease, nose curling a bit in that adorable way it did when he said certain words. as he spoke when his accent got heaviest. He’d had a few drinks but was still sober enough to know he was in for a longgg night. 

“Well then James, we should start as soon as possible!” You said excitedly. Like a child who was just told they could have dessert before dinner. This was exhilarating. 

“You stay here and undress. Lay on the bed and don’t touch yourself.” You gave your first order of the night. Something flashed behind James' undead eyes. A spark. Excitement or nervousness? Both? You hoped to soon find out.

You raced out of the bedroom, going to find your box of toys that you kept well hidden from James under one of the many cabinets in his suite. You grinned when you found it, rummaging through its contents before pulling out your strap on. The one you had been waiting months to use on your lover. The one you had bought with the specific purpose of wrecking James with. 

You grabbed the bottle of lube next to it as well as a vibrator. You may just use that on him as well. He’d never used toys before because they weren’t exactly a thing when he was alive. At least not the ones around today. And why would he put something so foreign and unpredictable near his cock? He much preferred your hand. Or, excuse his language,  your pussy. 

You had your arms full as you made your way back to James, seeing him laid out on the bed, fully naked. He had done just as you requested. His cock was half hard as it rested on his lower stomach, hands at his sides as he glanced at you, showing a bit of disinterest as he saw the items you had brought back with you. He had such an ease about him, just laying there, completely bare and seeming completely content with it. 

“What are you planning on doing with those?” He asked, blinking slowly as he examined the items in your arms.

“Going to fuck you, James.”

Such language caused him to cringe slightly, shaking his head as he sat up a bit in the bed. He almost looked nervous, but was obviously trying not to show it. He’d never been touched there before. Never even dared to explore his body fully while all alone in his room all these years. A man like him didn’t do that, but you were here to teach him that he could. And that it would feel good. That he could let his guard down. Just enjoy himself.

You laid the items at the end of the bed and crawled up next to him, gently running your hands down his scarred, muscled chest. He inhaled deeply, nostrils flaring as he glanced at you apprehensively.

“You are not going to do such things- I ref-“ you cut him off with a finger pressed to his lips, causing his glare to harden. If looks could kill…

“You said I could have my way with you, James. This is what I plan to do. I’ll be gentle, promise.” 

“I don’t need you to be gentle-“

“And we need a safe word. Yeah? In case you want to stop at any time. Give me a word.”

“Stop. Stop will be my word.”

You sighed, shaking your head. “We need something more unique than that, James. Please just humor me?”

He grumbled under his breath before responding. 

“Fine, if we must, my word can be… gun.”

You rolled your eyes. Of course out of all the words in the English language and beyond, he chose gun. Even now his mind couldn’t help but wander to those dangerous, murderous thoughts.

You carefully let your hands trail lower down his body before gently wrapping one around his half hard cock. He sighed softly, body finally relaxing a bit as he looked up at you, eyes dark. 

“Ahhh Darling-“ he grunted, shifting a bit as his cock began to harden fully. You swept your thumb across the tip, spreading the pre-cum that collected there.

“Mmm, take it into your mouth, my love. Choke on me.” You could tell his dominant side was beginning to come out the longer this dragged on, and you needed to cut it out now before he just flipped you over and fucked you into the mattress.

You squeezed his cock in your hand, causing him to grimace, glaring up at you. How dare you not listen to his orders?

“Not so fast, James. I want it my way. You don’t get to tell me what to do. Not tonight. You can have your fun another day”

Carefully you began to stroke him once more, tracing your pointer finger over the prominent vein on the side of his cock. His tip was red and leaking, practically throbbing in your hand. As much as he’d hate to admit it, your touch always felt like heaven. If there was a heaven, he thought, it was found in your touch. You knew exactly how to touch him. .

You heard what sounded like a quiet moan slip from his parted lips, glancing up to see a sheen of sweat covering his forehead and messing up his usually neat combed back hair. He looked sinful in the most angelic way possible. 

While you were stroking him with one hand, you let your other fall to his thigh, gently massaging it before daring to go lower. You were curious to see how he’d react to your touch, knowing that you had to stretch him out on your fingers first before you even dared show him the silicone cock. Your hand fell away and grabbed the small vibrator from the edge of the bed, holding it between your fingers before holding it up to show it to James.

His eyes widened a bit and he shifted uncomfortably, shaking his head “now wait just a moment- wait- I don’t even know what that thing is- it is not natural and I will not have you put it near m-“ He was cut off as you turned it on, placing it against his leaky cock head. The vibrations buzzed against his length, causing his body to jerk around a bit.

The feeling was foreign, but good god, he realized how pleasurable it felt. It was a whole new level of euphoria.

“O-oh- oh that’s actually- aghh- quite nice. I like it.” He whispered, hips flexing up, muscles clenched as he sighed, rolling his head around on the bed. 

“See? Told you so. It can feel so good James.” 

He grumbled under his breath, obviously a bit salty that you actually were right. He hated being proved wrong. 

You let the vibrator rest on the tip of his cock for a few moments before sliding it down the rest of his length, watching as he twitched, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides as he tried not to show just how much he was enjoying this all. 

“See, sometimes new things can be fun.” You chuckled, shaking your head. Your beautiful, ever stubborn James March was laid out on his very own bedsheets, about to be ravaged by you. 

You pulled the vibrator away from his cock, much to his disapproval as he let out a quiet groan. You didn’t just want groans and grunts from him this time around though. You wanted full on moans, cries, whines and whimpers. And you planned to get exactly that.

He watched you like a hawk, eyes tracking your every movement, afraid if he looked away for even a moment, or dared to blink, you’d do something he wouldn’t agree with. But of course that’s not how it worked. You’d never pull any surprises on him. Not now. You were going to take your time getting him nice and open. You didn’t want to hurt him…Unless he asked for it, which he very well might. 

“Okay James we can do this a few different ways and I’ll give you the choice. You can either lay on your back with your legs propped up, or you can lay on your stomach and I can finger you open that way. Which would you rather?”

And of course he wanted to say he didn’t want either, but he knew that wasn’t a choice. So he sucked up his complaints and swallowed hard before answering “on my back works just fine, darling.”

That was all you needed before you were grabbing the bottle of lube and popping the cap open, pouring some of the clear, sticky oil onto your fingers. You warmed it up first before you glanced back at James, his eyes laser focused on your now oiled up fingers. He knew exactly what you were going to do with those.

“Darling we still have time to go back- I will gladly fuck you, we do not have to-“ 

You slapped his thigh, causing him to jolt. It was a warning. If he complained again maybe you wouldn’t go so easy on him. 

“A real man would shut up and take it, James. Are you a real man?”

He was absolutely seething, completely enraged and the thoughts of just pinning you to the bed and wrapping his hands around your neck until it broke flooded through his mind. 

He decided it was best to stay quiet as he sighed heavily, adjusting himself on the bed so his legs were propped at an angle which gave you plenty of room to do what you wanted to.

“Good boy, see? Not so hard is it?” You hummed as you brought the hand that wasn’t covered in lube to his face, cupping his cheek. It was as if against his own will he leaned into it. No matter how mad he was at you, your touch brought him utter bliss. 

You could tell he had grown distracted by your actions so you discreetly let your other hand wander to gently grip his ass, kneading the flesh in your palm. He tensed, looking up at the ceiling with a blank expression. There was some part of his mind that was stopping him from showing any satisfaction or even trying to enjoy this experience. You needed to find out why and get rid of it, otherwise this wouldn’t be a good experience for either of you.

“Look at you, such a strong, smart, cunning man. So busy all day long with your tedious planning. The maintenance of this beautiful hotel-“ his eyes flicked to yours, softening a bit. Ah yes, compliments, the way to his undead heart. 

“The most magnificent hotel made by the most magnificent man of any day and age,” you continued, easing him. Your hand still massaged the meat of his ass, but he didn’t seem to care as much as before, too focused on your words and compliments.

“You work so very hard, you deserve a break. Just relax, my love. I would never do anything I didn’t think you’d like. If you just let go, maybe you’ll find that you enjoy this.” You spoke, your hand finally, finally reaching his hole as you circled it gently with your pointer finger.

James hissed through his teeth but stayed still, taking your words into account. Perhaps you were right. He ought to give it a shot, right? And if he didn’t like it he wouldn’t have to do it again after tonight, surely? You always respected each other’s boundaries so this  couldn’t be any different.

He closed his eyes and tried his very best to relax his body, knowing it would be easier if he was relaxed. He’d been put through pain before, so surely this wouldn’t hurt much.. right?

He inhaled sharply as your finger breached his tight hole, carefully slipping in without much resistance thanks to the lube.

“There we go, being so nice for me, James.” You cooed, your free hand gently caressing the skin on his thigh. He was abnormally pale. He was a ghost, so of course he was, but even in life he was quite a pale man, his thighs even milkier than the skin on his arms and neck.

He swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing, the thick, deep cut across his neck moving along with it. He preferred to keep it covered at all times, but you had already told him that you wanted to see all of him, even the worst parts. So for you and only you, he let it be in view.

His hole seemed to suck your finger in, greedy for the foreign feeling. James on the other hand, wasn’t exactly having an awful time, but he had definitely had better experiences.

Still, you were determined to make him squirm and cry out your name, and with a gentle caress of his thigh with your free hand, you pressed another finger into him, feeling the resistance this time around. 

He inhaled deeply, but didn’t appear to be in any extreme discomfort. After all, he had killed himself by cutting his throat with a damn blade. What could be much worse than that? And he was dead, so he didn’t feel pain like the living did.

Still though, he tried to arch his hips away from the feeling, nose curled up as he glanced down at you. He remembered your words. You asking him to just sit back and enjoy, and he was at the very least trying.

“Darling I do not find enjoyment in this at all-“ he huffed out, just wanting to fuck you. He would definitely find enjoyment in that.

“I just need you to calm down, James. I’m trying-“ your fingers pushed deeper into him, curling up at an angle. 

“I’m trying to find your prostate, so just shut up for five seconds-“ you huffed out. Usually you wouldn’t be so mean, but you knew James could take it. In fact, he yearned for it.

His whole body froze as finally, finally you hit that spot inside of him, the first spark of pleasure burning inside him, clawing to be let out. It was unlike anything he ever felt, a much different feeling than stimulation to his cock. This felt deeper. Heavier. 

“Darling-“ was all he choked out, eyes wide as you hit the spot inside him again. Now that you found it, James was in for a hell of a ride. 

“There we go, baby. Found it.”

“W-what are you doing to me?” He asked, completely and utterly confused as to what you had done that made this suddenly feel so good.

“I found your prostate, feels good doesn’t it?” You chuckled, seeing as he was beginning to slowly fall apart at the seams. Little by little, you were going to fuck the entitlement out of this man if it killed you.

“It does feel quite… enjoyable.” He said, his words spoken slower than usual as he tried to keep his composure. 

You continued to pump your fingers in and out of him before adding a third and final one, watching as his face scrunched up at the fullness of three fingers up his ass.

“And you are positive that… that device will fit inside of me?” He asked, glancing at the strap on.

“Of course James. You fit inside me, don’t you? I picked a small dildo I promise, it’s not much thicker than my three fingers. Just a bit longer.” You assured as you stretched him out as well as you could before pulling your fingers out, a heavy huff leaving James’ lips.

There was a sense of relief he felt when you pulled your fingers out of him, but also a sense of loss. He felt.. empty. 

It wasn’t that way for long though. You had reached over to grab the strap, undressing yourself before clipping it around your waist, making sure it was secure. James swallowed hard, a warm heat spreading through him as he watched you. 

“My dear-“ 

“Quiet, James. Let me take care of you.”

You propped his legs up better, coming between them as you leaned on your knees, your hands keeping his thighs spread as you pressed the tip of the dildo to his hole before you got an idea. A way to shut him up for even a little bit.

James glanced at you with a look of confusion as you pulled away, your small hand stroking the fake cock.

“Come, James.” You called, and like a lost puppy, James sat up, coming close to you as his eyes looked at you questioningly. 

“What is it?” He asked, eyes unable to look away from the strap between your legs.

With a bit of force, you grabbed him by his raven hair and pushed him down so he was face to face with the silicone. 

“You talk too much James. Let’s shut you up for just a moment.” You grinned, running your fingers through his hair for a moment as you tapped the cock against his pretty red lips.

He almost pushed away from you. There was no way he was doing this. Absolutely not. But then, there you were, so beautiful and he was so hard, just ready for release. 

His lips parted for the head of the dildo and you slid it into his mouth, letting him adjust to the foreign feeling. He knew how to eat you out, and realistically knew what to do with a cock in his mouth, but it was still odd. 

He suckled on the head, closing his eyes as his hole clenched desperately, wanting more stimulation. This was the sweetest torture.

You began to gently thrust in and out of his mouth, not letting it go too deep. You wondered what would happen if you did, if the cut across his throat would interfere or hurt him in any way.

James seemed to understand what you were thinking, and he swallowed around the cock, pushing it deeper into his mouth. Your eyes were wide as it hit the back of his throat. He… he made a noise you hadn’t heard from him ever before. He mewled. The pressure against the cut across his throat brought both pain and pleasure to him. 

You on the other hand quickly pulled it from his mouth, figuring it had hurt him. His lips chased the length before he paused, looking up at you. 

“Why did you stop?” His voice was a bit hoarse as he spoke, his usually thick accent faded just a bit.

“I- I thought I hurt you-“ his eyes flickered dangerously at your words as he smirked 

“Darling, I like being hurt.” Was all he said. You pounced on him, pulling him into a searing kiss before positioning him just how you wanted, manhandling him as you pleased.

He was on all fours, facing the headboard as you positioned yourself behind him, lining the cock up with his hole. You reached over and grabbed the bottle of lube, squirting some onto the strap. For good measure.

You ever so slowly thrust into him, causing a broken groan to fall from his lips as he instantly pushed back into the feeling, causing the cock to slide even deeper inside him.

You figured he might like this, that’s why you asked all these months. What you hadn’t expected was for him to like it as much as he did.

He threw his head back, hair an absolute mess, sweat dripping from his forehead as he panted. 

“More-“ be begged, glancing over his shoulder at you. For the first time since you’d been with James, you were finally able to see the side of him you’d longed to see. He looked so free, whatever memories of his past left him as he just enjoyed the pleasure he was being given.

You traced the scars littered across his back as you fucked into him gently, still not wanting to be too rough with him. He’d had a hard life, and even though he’d done atrocious things, part of you had to think it was how he was raised. Nature versus nurture. A mix of both that had left him the way he was. But he was still yours, and you were going to show him just how much you loved him.

You began to pick up your pace, James groaning impatiently as he arched his back, muscles taught, the curve of his back like a sculpture painted by the most talented sculptor.

“Faster darling, I assure you I won’t break.” He whispered, head falling between his shoulders as he gripped onto the bed harder, fully intending and wanting you to fuck him as hard as you could.

And of course you did. You couldn’t deny James this, not now. Not ever. You gripped onto his shoulders and thrust into him, your skin slapping against his own from the force.

He cried out in pleasure, his accent just making his moans that much more intoxicating to listen to.

You quickly got a rhythm going, fucking into him hard and fast, the strap hitting his prostate with each thrust in. 

You saw the way his body trembled, the way his cock twitched. He was close. You knew his body like the back of your hand, and even in this new position, you still new.

You angled your thrusts to better hit his prostate, one of your hands reaching around to wrap around his cock.

His mouth fell open, eyes closed as he let out a deep chuckle. He was… laughing?

“Oh darling this is much better than I had expected- I am close love-“ he grunted, biting down on his bottom lip as his breathing picked up and for the first time, you heard James Patrick March beg.

“Please- please please darling I must cum-“ he begged, arching back against you as he cried out.

Maybe in the future you’d tease him. Leave him tied up and refuse him his release as you fucked him relentlessly. Not tonight though. You just wanted him to feel good.

You kept your thrusts even, stroking his cock in time with your hard thrusts. And soon enough, James’ body went nearly rigid before you felt his warm release coat your hand, spilling across it and onto the bed.

His hole squeezed hard around the strap and you whispered words of praise to him as he came down from his high.

He was quiet for several moments as you gently pulled out of him, checking him over to make sure you hadn’t done any damage. 

Finally, he pulled you into a tender kiss. A much more meaningful kiss than the ones he usually gave. It was filled with his usual hunger, but also so much love. 

“That… was spectacular.” He said simply, shaking his head. You were right. Of course you had been right. If only he’d just listened to you sooner. Foolish man.

You held him against your chest as he spoke, mostly nonsense, plans he had among other things. You let him, running your hands across his scarred body, eternally grateful that he had chosen you. You stayed like that for a while, just listening to the rhythm of his undead heart. 

[angelofthenight]

Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias (Watchmen): Yandere Alphabet (+ add. h/cs)

(Fem!Reader)

Overall warnings: Yandere, Dark themes, Gaslighting, Violence/Murder, Unhealthy relationship, Jealousy/Possessiveness, Social isolation, Manipulation, Obsessiveness, Stalking/Spying, Controlling behavior, Power imbalance, Swearing, Kidnapping, Dub-con

( This was the fastest I’ve ever written a piece, literally in one night so excuse it if it sounds rushed at times, coz I just wanted to get Watchmen out of my system so I could focus on my other fics. Also this is based on a combination of the movie interpretation and comic counterpart of Adrian )

( A few letters in the Alphabet are out of order to get the foundation set )

~

Love story: How did they meet their darling? How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

You were caught in the grasp of a villain on a rooftop after the superheroes Nite Owl and Rorschach beat his barbaric goons to bloody pulps. The costumed lunatic held a knife to your hoarse throat while you sobbed and hyperventilated, warning the two vigilantes that if they came any closer he would slice your neck wide open. Your mind was too fogged with hysterical terror to understand the conversation but the next thing you felt was the villain chucking you over the ledge of the roof as he made a run for it. You just accepted your brutal death, knowing there was no way to get out of this, until your body collided into a pair of strong arms.

Your pink eyes locked with Ozymandias’ soft ones, him holding a calm smile. Your heavy breathing was unstable and tears still cascaded down your cheeks when you abruptly threw your face into the crook of his neck to sob with your arms grasping helplessly around his shoulders. You trembling terribly and despite being a hero for quite awhile now, Adrian had never been this close to a victim before. It was always fleeting moments with saving victims but as you shook and clung to him, he truly did feel like a superhero in that moment.

Even as the cops came to arrest the criminals and as the press interviewed Nite Owl, you still held onto him with your face buried into his shoulder as if you were holding on for your actual life. When he asked if you were okay, you snapped out of it and allowed him to softly plant you onto your feet. You were still visibly horrified and he asked you if you would like him to walk you home since of the late hour. You gradually accepted the offer after your own hesitation and his reassurance that he wouldn’t mind and that he would actually prefer it to ensure your safety and wellbeing.

So he walked you home, talking with you to help you calm down. He didn’t even realize how much he learned about you. He couldn’t sleep that night. The scene of him saving you and you clinging to him replaying over and over and over again.

A few times he had played around your intimate (at least to him) scenario like imagining you refusing to let go of him, you being flustered when he catches you, and a few times he imagined himself locking your lips within his own or you engaging it as a “thank you, you’re my hero”.

Even as days passed he couldn’t stop thinking about you, so much that it started to affect his performance and attention. If you have a song stuck in your head on loop, listening to the song makes it stop. So he told himself he just needed to see you again to be able to go on with his life in peace and without distraction, because that’s what you were becoming: a distraction.

During the talk to calm you down, you told him where you worked. So, out of costume, he went to the coffee cafe you worked full time at. It was easy to get your attention with his wealthy image and known name and with his charming and colorful persona it was easy to strike up a conversation with you. To him, you were hitting it off amazingly and you would even listen intently as he’d talk about Egyptian culture. But in reality you had tried to end the conversation more than twice. Maybe you were just untrustworthy of the wealthy but there was something about him that just seemed so… fake. You just weren’t that interested in him.

But he just kept coming, almost everyday, and stays sat at the counter in front of your station for practically half of your shift just conversing with you. He thinks he’s swooning you, completely oblivious to the fact that he’s annoying you and on the brink of creeping you out. But that becomes not enough for him, he starts to find himself stalking you outside of work and soon enough plants cameras in your apartment. He feels as if he just needs to get a glimpse of you in order to get through his day. It’s actually ridiculous.

The more he scratches his own itch, the itchier it gets. Now he’s meticulously planning your interactions, like “bumping into you on the street” and “coincidentally” ending up at the same stores as you, as well as manipulating situations. He even one time anonymously paid a guy to verbally harass and berate you at work just so he could step in to protect/defend you and send the “disrespectful” man out of your cafe. That did nothing but stroke his own narcissistic savior-complex.

When the news station on the TV replayed last night's live interview with the superhero group, Adrian asked you if you had a favorite of the Crimebusters. You told him you were biased with your personal favorite, Ozymandias, because of how he was the one to save your life once.

That was all Adrian needed to cross the first line. At first he hired just one criminal to corner you in an alleyway, try to mug and give you a good scare. Then your knight in shining armor comes to your rescue, resulting in you showering him in your gratitude while trembling to the bone and full of tears. He walked you home again, calmly conversing with you just like the first time except he noticed that you seemed more at ease with Ozymandias than Adrian Veidt. But then he started hiring more people to give you scares and serious threats, his superhero persona saving you each time. He just felt so… good when you relied on him and cowered into his arms.

Of course you noticed that ever since Mr. Veidt entered your life, bad things have suddenly started happening to you once a week or two; dangerous trouble following you as if it were your very own shadow. But just your luck, you were saved each and every time by the tall and blond Crimebuster. Of course you knew it was weird, it often made you unable to sleep. You’ve brought it up to Ozy after he saved you from an attempted sexual assault, but he simply saw it as him always being at the right place and the right time. He told you that these specific streets were his patrol area. Sometimes it sounded like he was blaming you for always getting in trouble, it made you feel like you were losing it. Your feelings about Ozy lost its comfort, there was something with him that began to unsettle you.

You came to the conclusion that Adrian Veidt just had bad people after him and because of how often he came to see you those people were going to harm you to get to him. You wanted Adrian out of your life, hell, you weren’t even really that fond of him anyway. Your “friendship” was basically one sided. You believed that if you fucked him, he would finally leave your life and take his enemies with him. You believed a good fuck was just all he wanted from you, what he has been trying to get this whole time. That’s all what he wants, that’s always what men want.

Fortuitously, Adrian came to the same conclusion. He realized how much you were affecting his life and work and himself. He believed he just needed to fuck you to finally satisfy his desire for you, then he’d return to normal.

And so, the two of you had sex. And it was truthfully incredible. He even made you finish. Adrian slept peacefully that night, knowing he could finally move on with his life without you constantly distracting him. But sex just makes it worse. It makes it so much worse. Because that just made him realize that he wants so much more than sex from you, that he is in love with you.

Your eyes nearly popped out of your skull when the next day Adrain came to your work with a bouquet of big red roses. No. No, this couldn’t be happening. He called you endearing names like “my dear” and “darling”. You felt sick. He continuously did this the following days. You politely declined all the flowers and gifts with reasonable enough excuses for him to take them back. You never humored him or encouraged any of his behavior, you relentlessly gave him signs and hints that you didn’t feel the same way at all. But he was either too delusional to pick them up or he just simply ignored them.

He soon told himself that you would be less tense around him if you knew that your lover and your superhero were one and the same. He felt like you deserved to know. So he told you, but you didn’t believe him until you saw the proof. You felt even more sick when you saw it.

You didn’t know what to do. You felt at the end of your rope. You nervously stuttered out reasons why you couldn’t be with him because of his double life: you didn’t want to worry about him every night, you feared villains might use you against him, you think he wouldn’t have time for you outside of saving the city and fighting villains, you wouldn’t want to make him choose between you and the city, etc.

You felt pathetic and ashamed that you didn’t have the courage to tell him plain and simple that you did not want to be with him because you just didn’t see him in that way… at all.

The next day what you saw on the evening news at work made you drop a plate, your jaw dropping and your pulse skyrocketing. Ozymandias revealed his secret identity to the world… and announced his retirement. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, nononononono-

You were closing the cafe all by yourself at the late hour when Adrian came in with the happiest smile. You kept your distance as horror gripped around you suffocatingly.

“You… you shouldn’t have done that. Not for me.”

“Why not? Now you don’t have to worry any longer. Now we can finally be together.”

You stared at him in disbelief, not believing your eyes. “…Smartest man alive my ass.” You mumbled before you suddenly snapped. “Don’t you get it?! I am not interested! I never have been from the very beginning! That night was just supposed to be a one-night-stand, that was all!”

Adrian’s expression was frozen in confusion and shock. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I fucking do! Open your eyes! You’re fucking crazy! You are delusional! Now please, I am begging you, get out of my life and leave me alone! You narcissistic creep!”

He left after a minute of staring at your petrified, furious composure. You finished closing with a haunting, foreboding feeling lingering over your shoulders. That was just your intuition warning you of what was to come.

Because Adrian kidnapped you from your home that very same night.

Kisses: What exactly made them fall for their darling?

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

There was many factors that prompted him to fall for you but the top three reasons were:

Damsel in distress: That feeling he felt within his bones when he caught you that night before you could hit the pavement and you huddled into him with your arms tightly around him while you shook and wept. He never felt like more of a hero than in that moment. He desperately chases that warm, buzzing feeling and you were the only one who made him feel it. Every superhero needed their damsel in distress, and you were just the perfect victim.

Desperation for love and connection: He had always felt alone and isolated from the rest of the world with his unnaturally high intelligence. He couldn’t connect with anyone in grade school, he couldn’t connect with the Crimebusters, he couldn’t connect with his business partners, he couldn’t connect with anyone alive. But he felt an electrifying connection with you. He doesn’t even know exactly what it was from. When he monitored you in your home he compulsively searched for things that related the two of you together. Deep down, this was just because he was desperate for love, for a companion, to be loved by that companion (and u know what they say: it’s lonely at the top). He just needed one thing to convince him that you were soulmates meant to- You had a cat… He loves cats!

Savior complex: The damsel in distress thing he has with you heavily fuels his savior complex. He is convinced you need him. He has made it his sworn duty to save you and therefore protect you. You need him, even more if you don’t know it. And bonus points if you have a toxic boyfriend, family, roommate, landlord, or boss. You need him to save you from it all. Even though your lifestyles were seemingly polar opposites, he came to the conclusion that you both were just made for something bigger. You two were born in the wrong timeline. You both deserved to be royalty. That’s why he found it incredibly insulting watching you wash dishes at your job and endure all the bratty customers that had endless complaints. You didn’t deserve to live like that. He had to save you. He will save you.

He wants you to be his queen, but also his damsel in distress. It’s a complex dynamic that is just nothing but unhealthy.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Adrian's love and affection would be displayed through grand gestures and displays of devotion. He would go to extreme lengths to ensure your happiness and safety, even if it meant sacrificing others to fulfill what he thinks will accomplish those two things. He would shower you with extravagant gifts and orchestrate elaborate romantic moments/experiences, he’s overall a very flashy lover which could morph into something overwhelming and suffocating. The intensity of his actions would escalate over time, eventually crossing ethical boundaries and causing harm to others just to prove to you his devotion.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

He prefers to keep his human exterminations neat and clean. But on the other hand he would be very willing to get very messy. He would not hesitate to eliminate anyone he perceives as a threat to your relationship, even if it means resorting to extreme and disastrous measures like manipulation, deception, and violence: overall very morally questionable actions. But don’t worry, he always cleans up after himself.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Once abducted, he treats it like it was all for the best, like he saved you. He’d tell you that you will be far better off with him. That God complex and savior complex of his makes him incredibly delusional. He’d be overprotective (even though you’re in his own home) and very controlling. He’d treat you like a queen, a goddess, making sure you have everything you could ever need or want. But even though you lived like an empress in luxury, you still felt like a prisoner more than anything.

Adrian wouldn’t mock you at all, he’s relatively very calm and patient with you, other than patronizing you in a dismissing tone when you attempt to attack him and/or escape.

“Grow up.”

After awhile he will eventually take you out back into public, only linked to his arm though (like you’re a dog on a leash).

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Yes, he would. He is so manipulative and controlling and crosses many lines and many of your boundaries. He might even harm you to ensure your obedience and loyalty. He is forceful and uncompromising and intimidates you to do his self-indulgent requests. Your sex always falls under dub-con as you can never find the courage to deny him and push him away, resulting in just letting him get what he wants.

If it wasn’t already obvious he also forces you into a relationship with him, and makes it public without your consent.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He bares a significant portion of his heart to you. He’s not ashamed to be vulnerable with you as he is extremely and deeply invested in your relationship. He would be willing to do anything to protect you and do anything for you. Although he does keep many secrets from you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would feel a mix of anger, frustration, and disappointment. He would take it very personally and view it as a betrayal. And like I said before, this is when he’s willing to mock you for your attempts. You seriously think you could outrun him? Over power him? Outsmart him? Can you actually see yourself winning in a fight against the Ozymandias? Are you stupid or are you just delusional? Fighting back would just make it worse for yourself since now he’s even more determined to exert control over you.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

It’s not a game to him but he will admit that he does find some thrilling enjoyment in the chase. It almost brings him back to his superhero glory days catching a villain. But don’t pull this often though.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Your worst experience with him would probably be when you got very close to escaping, the closest you’ve ever been. You had turned the manipulation tables around on him and got yourself an opening to escape. After weeks of appealing to his ego and god/savior complex and demonstrating clinginess to him, you finally got him wrapped around your little finger. You seduced him to bed and right before things got too heated, you coquettishly asked him to go get champagne. He all-too eagerly complied and practically skipped out the bedroom to get the drink.

What the smartest man alive didn’t know was that the champagne bottle was underneath the bed. And without wasting a second you dug into the jacket he dropped on the floor, when he hastily tried to undress, for the keycard that unlocked the front door. With it now tightly in your grasp, you made the quietest run for it, bolting out the bedroom. You quickly unlocked the front apartment door and slipped out into the hallway to sprint down the stairs, too much of a risk waiting for an elevator in pursuit of the lobby on the bottom floor to finally expose Adrian for what he really was.

Adrian was growing tempered as he scrambled for the bottle, unable to find it anywhere, and the image of how willing you were for him on his silk sheets on his mind made him far too impatient when searching. He eventually said “fuck it” and returned to the room to tell you he’d get you champagne afterwards. He froze halfway into the bedroom when he found you absent. He blinked, glanced around the room once, then let out a growling huff of “NO” before thrashing his desk to the ground then rushing out of the room and to the front door. The notice that it was unlocked assured him what you were attempting.

He effortlessly caught up to you on the flight of stairs and tackled your heaving body, sending you both tumbling down the rest of the few remaining steps in an entangled mess. Once you finally hit the ground you pushed through your physical exhaustion and dizziness to open the door right next to you, the light of the lobby temporarily blinding you. You inhaled to scream for help but one hand clasped over your mouth and one hand gripped onto your throat, aggressively tugging you back through the door before anyone had the chance to notice you.

With a hand squeezing your throat and the other still tightly across your mouth and jaw, Adrian slammed your back against the wall. His face was pink with fury, a vein bulging on his forehead, his gritted teeth bared. He growled viciously at you, his words translating to a deafening ring in your ears as your terror and adrenaline rendered you paralyzed. But his violent threats were clear to you, as well as the realization of the extent of Adrian's obsession with you and the lengths he would go to possess and control you.

He harshly knocked you out to drag you back up the stairs.

You still had nightmares about that night.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

In his ideal future with you, you’re married and you are completely devoted to him as he is to you… and he has full control over your life and decisions.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Yes, his jealousy is surprisingly very intense and a little scary. He’s so convinced that you two have a bonding connection that he has this weird paranoia that everyone else is trying to ruin your connection, that anyone and everyone is trying to rip you from his grasp.

It depends on the situation and location with how he would act.

If it’s someone flirting with you or even simply getting too chatty or close to you, he tries to maintain his composure due to being in public. But on the inside he’s absolutely raging. His body language would grow rigid and tense, and his jaw and fists would clench and tighten. The worse he’d look to others is simply just agitation and annoyance. But it’s much darker than that on the inside.

It’s not that he’s insecure that you’d like someone else better, it’s his possessiveness that blinds him and perceives the interaction as a threat, that the person is trying to take you away from him. He’ll quickly insert himself into your conversation, casually bring up you two were an item and even lived together, then eventually take you away from the exchange. Later that night when you two are alone he might lash out in anger at you. He isn’t blaming you but he unintentionally takes his anger out on you verbally.

If it’s a friend you’ve been spending a little too much time with, he will constantly be monitoring you through cameras due to his controlling behavior. He will begin socially isolating you and keep adding things to your schedule to eliminate the free time that you’d spend with the lowlife. If it doesn’t make enough of a difference that pleases him, he might resort to manipulation and threats to maintain his perceived ownership of you.

His jealousy would deeply affect him emotionally. He’s a mess of possessiveness and the fear of losing you. This all consumes him, leading to heightened paranoia and more inability to trust others. His jealousy could drive him to extreme actions that he condones with the simple “it was the last resort”. You wouldn’t miss any of those people you got a little close with yesterday if they suddenly turned up bloody in the newspaper, right?

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Yes, drastically. He puts up this charming, composed facade to his comrades and the public. To everyone he was just this respectful pacifist vegetarian with a very caring and conscientious reputation. But that was just a mask concealing his true colors, the true colors that you had the misfortune of being exposed to. His true colors reveal how arrogant, egotistic, and cold he really is, how intense his God complex actually is. And his obsession and twisted love for you would create a much darker and volatile side of his personality that no one has seen. You’ve seen with your own eyes the extreme lengths he’d go to to protect and control you, showing a stark contrast to his demeanor with others.

Nemesis: Who do they consider a rival?

Not anyone specific, but he would consider literally anyone who poses a perceived threat to his relationship with you as a rival. Like someone who shows interest in or gets close to you, or even someone he perceives as a potential obstacle in your relationship. He views his rivals with intense jealousy and will go to extreme lengths to eliminate or neutralize them. He basically has the paranoia of someone in a contest/competition with the rest of the world, and if you were the end prize he is not afraid to play dirty against the other contenders. He will win.

Obsession: Are they more obsessive or possessive?

I honestly see it as 50/50. He’s obsessed with you to an unhealthy, unsettling, worrying amount. He is completely fixated on you and finds you as the most interesting person he’s ever met. He is obsessed and fascinated with every aspect of your character. He is constantly thinking about you, every single one of his unrelated thoughts always ends with you and he is casually clingy, always wanting to be near you. He’s overly attached to you and before he kidnapped you, stalking you was one of his favorite things to do.

Adrian, in his most simplest form, is just a love-sick creep.

But at the same time, he is incredibly possessive of you. He wants to assert control over you and destroy any perceived threats to your relationship or his animalistic claim on you. He just wants to have you. He will sabotage any and all of your relationships and even harm anyone who gets too close. But this equal combination just makes him an even more dangerous lover.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

I think he would have a high level of patience with you. With your bad behavior, he’s willing to wait and endure any obstacles/challenges that come his way in order to maintain your relationship. Though most of the time he just sees your severe mental breakdowns as mere temper tantrums. And just like a child, you’ll tire out of your little moody tantrum. And when it comes to waiting for you to return his love, he’s also patient. He 100% believes that you will eventually love him back. You two are soulmates, so it’s only natural that you’ll stop resisting and let your attraction sink in.

Additionally, when after his plan is executed and you are so mortified of what he’s done that you won’t even let him touch you or get too close to you, he is still patient with waiting for you to get over it.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If you died, he would be profoundly devastated and feel like he lost an actual part of himself, like you took a part of him to die with you. He’d never move on, it’d be the most difficult thing he’s ever faced. His obsession and attachment to you are too deeply ingrained inside him. He’d become consumed by his grief, leading to disturbing actions in the future. Also, he’d become a little careless with himself and wouldn’t really care if he risked his life, his own life is significantly less in value to him without you, and that’s saying a lot considering how highly he views himself. He doesn’t want to live in a world where you’re no longer breathing, he wants to reunite with you.

Let’s be honest, you wouldn’t be able to leave him. He would never allow you to go. But if he noticed that it has been on your mental wishlist, he’d resort to extreme measures to try and win back your love, as if he even had it in the first place.

If you successfully escaped, he’d become morbidly obsessed with tracking you down and would resort to extreme measures to regain back control. He is unhealthily determined to find you.

Move on? What a joke. He will never let go of you.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

With his extreme obsession and distorted perception of love, he would never feel guilty. He truly believes he is in the right and that you should be grateful and happy. This is just an act of protecting you and preserving your relationship. He just wants to give you the life you deserve, what’s so wrong with that? He would never willingly release you. His possessiveness and need for control are far too severe.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He hates it. It saddens and concerns him. He just wants you to be happy, why aren’t you happy? He’s given you everything you could ever ask for, including his infinite love and unwavering devotion. Is it the color of the walls? Because those could be repainted! Was dinner not cooked right? He’ll fire the chef and find the best one in the world! Unless you’d feel safest with him preparing your food, that could be arranged too!

He’ll go to comfort you to the best of his physical abilities, wanting to be the only one to provide solace and support. Your tears will appeal to his savior complex heavily, assuring him that you do need him. He wants to save you.

Although he wouldn’t say it to your face, but you know you wouldn’t be miserable right now if you just accepted his love and reciprocated it. You’re making your own life worse.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

He varies from the classic yandere archetype due to the Watchmen storyline and he might differ with the methods he uses to assert control. Even though he gets very violent and murderous with his motivations to have you, he’s still much more of a pacifist compared to the classic yandere.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

It would be a great challenge but if you could find a way to manipulate his emotions or appeal to his huge ego or savior-complex, it might create an opportunity for escape. You might even be able to appeal to his sense of morality. But this would all require careful planning and you need to take the time to understand his psyche.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Potentially, if he believes it is necessary to protect or possess you. The most violent he would get with you is when capturing you during an escape attempt and dragging you back home.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He has an extreme level of reverence and worship towards you. He literally views you as a goddess bound to a human body. He would go to great lengths to win you over. At first it would just be extravagant gifts and surprises as well as dreamy promises but then as time goes on he would resort to manipulation, forceful control, or committing harmful actions in the name of love.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He pines after you for an extended period of time, his obsession slowly taking over him. He officially snaps and crosses the next line when you screamed your rejection at him. He felt as if his perfect world shattered around him, the shards ripping him apart. It’s that night that he simply just couldn’t take it anymore and steals what he wants.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

He really doesn’t want it to come to that, but he is capable of it if he believes it will ultimately strengthen your bond or maintain control over you.

Extra headcanons:

♡ I believe the bigger his ego grows, the more his obsession with you intensifies

♡ He’s constantly seeking your validation and reassurance, when he gets really vulnerable with it he almost looks like a little boy (you saw how he got with Jon at the end of the comic)

♡ He’s highly calculated and strategic in his pursuit of your love

♡ His wealth, reputation, and resourcefulness makes him formidable and dangerous

♡ He’s low key convinced that you did used to love him but somewhere along the way he lost it. Now he’s hell-bent to get it back

♡ He has surveillance and cameras hidden all over the apartment, literally three different angles in every room, so he can still watch you and keep tabs on you while at work. He also just has an unsettling fascination with your every move

♡ Yes he does own a shrine of you

♡ This happens extremely slowly, but he socially isolates you more and more and while his obsession deepens and his morality is deforming, then it transitions into isolating you from the outside world. You eventually end up in a secret underground “lair”, he just wants you to belong to him and him alone

♡ His switch between his charming public persona and his dark, possessive side with you gives you mental whiplash

♡ He spouts out speeches to you about how much he loves you with that space-out look in his eyes, his words filled with dark and possessive undertones which unsettle you greatly

♡ He’s madly greedy with your attention

♡ The retired Crimebusters potentially might interfere with your unhealthy relationship if they notice Adrian’s obsessive and possessive behavior, put their two-cents in on what they think. Adrian feels threatened by their interference and gets defensive/hostile towards them. He’s determined to protect your relationship, even from people he liked to call his friends

♡ Rorschach is a different story. When he first sees you in the paper linked with Adrian, he thinks you’re a gold digging whore set on sabotaging Adrian. He’s suspicious and distrustful of you. But when he stalked you and Adrian on the streets multiple times, he began to notice how just… unhappy you looked. When Adrian wasn’t looking you would glare at him, you tensed when he touched or kissed you, you repeatedly scanned your surroundings as if looking for somewhere to run, and overall unhappy. All this prompted Rorschach to believe that there was something more going on with the city’s golden couple, something dark hidden

♡ After weeks of digging and investigating and interrogating, Rorschach learns the whole truth. And he’s frankly disgusted with Adrian. He’s the one that tries to intervene the most and take action to protect your well-being and prevent any potential harm. But, when he catches onto Rorschach, Adrian does every little thing in his power to keep him away from you

♡ One of the reasons he chooses his own city to destroy for his plan is to finally and permanently eliminate everyone from your life. Now he’s finally the only one in your life. Why are you crying? He is all that you’re ever going to need, he is more than enough

[x-mendacium]

Started to think about MePhone in relation to my own experiences again, specifically the fact the running away from home rewires your brain.

Good timezone. My name is Niall Dashiell, and I am still seen as a runaway by my county. I’m a lot better now though, so don’t worry!

It’s nice to meet you!

Enough with introduction, let’s move on to some MePhone stuff. Keep in mind all is based on my own subjective experiences!

Running away from home, especially one you see as abusive, does a lot of things to your way of thinking.

The biggest thing I noticed was definitely a large shift in my identity. Things I once just found interesting suddenly clawed their way to being the foundation of my identity.

iPhones are interesting? Well, now I find extreme pleasure in learning about them. Especially the two from 2011 and 2012.

PLUR culture? Guess where my style is now.

Early 2000 internet? Yes! Gimmie blinkies, old web, and stamps!

I’m not exactly sure if it was regression or my neurodivergence (though, I also hc MePhone as neurodivergent, so it fits) but still. My whole identity became this. All because I wanted to change myself, and distance myself, from the old me.

If we consider MePhone went through the same mental gymnastics of finding himself again that I did, it isn’t that out of pocket to think this is the reason he landed on reality shows.

He was interested in them. Check. It was a way to build his confidence back. Check. And it was also a way to feel like he had control over something in his life. Check.

It’s the perfect solution.

I would go for it if I could.

Another thing it does is the “I was independent. I need to stay independent”. Basically it makes your think that since you saved yourself once beforey you don’t need to be saved by someone else.

I have even more trouble accepting help than I had before. It’s hard to realize I even need help after I thought of a whole plan to safe myrself and it worked.

Why would I, or in this case MePhone, need help? I saved myself when nobody else did.

This whole thing goes hand in hand with not being able to hold up relationships of any kind.

You don’t wanna get to attached, because your brain has already decided that running away worked and you’ll do it again if anything, even the slightest thing, does wrong. You don’t wanna be sad, and don’t want the person to be sad as well.

It’s hard to keep relationships with this in my head.

So yeah, one reason why Inanimate Insanity exists might be the fact that MePhone ran away and didn’t get kicked out or something.

But this was just a collection of thoughts I’ve been having.

See you soon! (On another MePhone post probably.)

[frizzle-mcshizzle]

[crawling towards you, I am translucent pale and my lips are cracked. You feel pity. It’s as though I’ve crawled through the desert just to find you. I reach out]

Dex Dizznee… I need headcanons… [coUGh]… please

this literally the funniest ask ive ever gotten this was amazing to wake up to

you also have amazing timing i have been brain rotting about Stinex (or as im calling it now Copper Mares) for the past two days so hes very much on my mind rn

he's self taught ambidextrous, and intentionally uses it as a pun with his name

he has curly hair and a ton of freckles

while his dad has five older siblings he only has three cousins that are around his age on that side and his family doesn't have a good relationship with his uncle so he doesn't see two of them at all

he has been helping Kesler in Slurps and burps since he was 8, and when he was a baby the first thing that made him laugh was the burping doors

the Dizzee's and Ruewens have weekly movie nights where they will all (including the adults and bodyguards) take turns choosing the movie

he has a collection of human technology that his mom got him that he consistently uses to make better weapons or things that can help around the house

his entire family has panic-switches and he has a master panic switch ring that will let him now whos in trouble where they are located with the projectable screen

he ends up telling Rex he will be talantless after talking to his parents about it, instead of that putting strain on their relationship it made Rex and Dex closer as he did everything he could to make things that would give talentless some kind of ability

he made Livvy a light projection tool so she doesn't have to hold Candles while doing her job

Dex and Stina were friends when they where very little but when the Heks realized that distancing themselves from the Dizznee's would increase their social status they quickly cut them off

when he was growing up he only saw Edaline and Grady during their quarterly exiler refills at slurps and burps, Juline invited them over for dinner more than once but they couldn't handle being around children for that long so they never came.

after he was hit by the melder he couldn't go home for two weeks he was constantly having full body spasms and had constant migraines, the triplets where so worried about him that they took turns visiting and being unnaturally quiet so they could see him

he's terrified of fire but tries not to show it, but when she's around it he can't help but stare at it like it's going to jump out and attack him. hes afraid of Marella after she maifested but doesn't want to be because he know she's wont hurt him. but when he sees her control fire all he can think about is getting burned by brant

when they where kiddnapped he wasn't constantly sedated like Sophie was and remembers much more than she does, he remembers her screams and them forcing sedatives down her throat, he rarely talks about it because no one asks and if he mentions it in front of his parents they get these galzed over looks on their faces and Juline's hands start to ice over, so he stops because hes already put then through enough

he has nightmares that make him wake up screaming, sometimes Lovise will the only one to hear him because he stops before the rest of his family wakes up. she will sit with him and teach him calming techniques that Goblins soliders use, other times his parents would wake up and sit with him for minutes yo hours, sometimes in silence sometimes he would cry, it happens at least once a week, sometimes more.

he has a stuffed griffon Ewlin got him while he was recovering called called feathersworth, he keeps it under his pillow whenever he's sleeping and

sometimes he will stay up into the odd hours of the morning just to avoid going to sleep because he doesn't want to have nightmares, Lovise will have to physically pull him to his bedroom because hes been awake for more than 24 hours and is still fighting sleep

he missed his mom and dad more than anything while he was with the black swan desperately wanting to talk to them. when he found out that Juline was squall it took him forever to forgive her, it put a lot of strain on their relationship and while Juline did her best to make it up to him it, it was just something he had to forgive her for because nothing can make up for that.

he is one of the only people that Tinker will have actual conversations with, and he knows almost as much about her as wraith does, he likes working with her more than lady Iskra because she actually lets him use his unorthodox methods of making things instead of forcing him to make things the traditional way

his extended family has get togethers once a year, not all of Kesler's siblings attend every year but he knows his grandparents very well and spends a lot of time with them

less a headcannon but i think he should lose his arm, his names means righthanded and i think it would be funny if he just didn't have a right hand anymore also because angst

is that enough headcannons, are you alive now, this made me want to write dex's pov when he was kidnapped so...