#i’m still thinking abt what he said to me
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// WAAA THANK YOU,, THATS SO KIND !!! THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME IM GLAD YOU LIKE MARV AND HIS SILLY LITTLE BIRD,,
RIGHT BACK AT U!! I absolutely ADOREEEEE Angie and Tia, they r just. GAH I LOVE THEM. Angie is so lovely !! Tia is just the best too AAA- The Werepersian arc was so so so cool I still think abt it very fondly :]!!!!!
I have a poor memory and I’m bad at compliments but I’ll try and get as many people as I can !!! I adore this community so fucking much dude it’s been an absolute joy, a delight, and an honor to roleplay some silly little guys with all of you!!
@nacrenecitygardening MY WONDERFUL FRIEND WHO IS SO GOOD AT THIS . It’s been so cool to see your story unfold !! I’m absolutely honored to have some behind the scenes knowledge and I’m so excited to see how it all turns out!! ALSO @/completelylusingit THE WAY I CHEERED WHEN YOU TOLD ME HE GOT HIS BLOG BACK. RETURN OF THE KING. Everyone keep your eyes on their blogs bc they are SUCHHH a talented storyteller and I’m HYPED for Lus’s stuff to kick off !!
@disparate-traveller while Diamond has departed from the pkmn irl universe, their blog is still active!!! My good and wonderful friend Tori has a ton of blogs you can find over at @/twodragons-blooper-reel and ALLLL of them are worth a follow !!! They are so good at making their characters fleshed out and wonderful individuals <33 !!! @celadon-arcade-champ GO FOLLOW SYD RN I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. GO GO GO THEY JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE!!
@friendball-irl / @oh-hey-its-gray WHERE WOULD MARVIN BE W/OUT YOU,, despite Gray being inactive atm I know their mun and just. Guys. Cube is such a wonderful human being and just. I owe so much of the joys I’ve experienced in this community to them and their silly little guy!! I fucking love Gray with all my heart,, I look back so fondly on all of the interactions my guys have gotten with him because each one has been an utter delight !! Also the RAD arc was probably one of my favorite things I’ve had Marv participate in like. That was so cool. The Alpha Steelix incident? THAT WAS SO COOL. GAH. I LOVED THAT SM.
@nanaboo-pumpkaboo how could I not mention Silas like . Cmon. I only started following him recently but I have been enamored ever since !! I am throwing him around like a well loved hacky sack. I’m so concerned for his wellbeing but I am SO EXCITED FOR WHAT YOU’RE PLANNING. The build up has been immaculate !!
@ariadosanon What to say about THE Victoria Gonzap that hasn’t been said already,, She is just something else, and I fucking love her to bits. Like. Shes SUCH A WELL ROUNDED CHARACTER I CANNOT emphasize that enough. She has so many complexities and nooks and crannies to her and she’s just. Shes such a good character. SHES SO WELL WRITTEN. AND SHES PURPLE!!!!! AA!! You have seriously made one gem of a character!!!!!!!!!
Im sorry if i missed anyone but !! Aa !! all of you out there in rotomblr are so so so cool and it brings me so much joy to see how this community has grown!!! I’m so glad yall r having fun !! Keep it up and keep telling your stories !! Much love <3!!!!!
// what if we all tagged our favorite blogs and went to check eachother's favorite blogs out as a result of tagging our favorite blogs. what then
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lmao if my uncle could just never breathe in my direction again that’d be great
#i’m still thinking abt what he said to me#i had to force myself to eat today#and it wasn’t as much as i should’ve eaten#but god it fucked me up#i’ve never had him comment on my body or my food or my weight like that before#he’s said other weird shit but never that#it was just unexpected#like i was in my own home#one of the places i’ve learned to not feel insecure or overthink what i eat#and i feel like that all unraveled#anyway istg ill grow up and stop crying abt my uncle hurting my#feelings later he’s just a piece of shit and i shouldn’t care but with everything else this week i do care#unfortunately#delete later
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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i do think it’s funny how, canonically, billy is kinda shitty at flirting and has the most god awful pick up lines but it just works for him because he’s pretty
#the duffers have never touched a women confirmed#like you’re telling me that’s what they class as flirting#billy hargrove#anyway#he really just didn’t speak to or look at a girl (except to complain abt his step sister) and said girl still got in his car#i think someone (steve) should call him out on it#someone (steve) should tell him how terrible his pick up lines are#and then kiss him about it because otherwise that’s just mean#steve: it’s only because you look like that#billy: so you think i’m pretty
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me realizing that the slang term i’ve used to say ‘get scammed’ a) isn’t spelled that way & b) is actually a slur
#stream#waterboarding myself#girl i-#if i wasn’t getting extremely fucking high immediately after this realization i would’ve felt worse but now i feel nothing period#like i’m D:#but i’m literally 👁️_👁️#i’ve used it so often i thought it was spelt w a FUCKING J SINCE I WAS LIKE 5#why did i think abt this bc ok ive started analyzing the slang i use bc i’ll use an adjective & im like i would’ve never fucking said that#in america#like plump & for what was this other 1 hold on#SHODDY ?#i mean i think i would’ve used that in the us but idk why google had ‘is shoddy british slang’ like no ?#soddy probably#oh then i was like ok wait why do u spell it Like That#Wait … WAIT ? OH MY GOD ? <- THE HORROR OF ME REALIZING I WASNT SPELLING IT CORRECTLY#& THEN HOW ITS ACTUALLY SPELT -> D:#-> then the wanderer wikipedia page like i was on a rabbit hole bc wander is like a sovereign like it’s a nationality i guess girl i dont#remember specifics i’m baked as fuck we’re broad stroking it#but then it ties to the romani people & then i went … oh the slur … OH THE STEROTYPES …. OH MY GOD MY SLANG ???????#i’m still like •_•#girl …#u were such an asshole accidentally for 25 years#remembering the time specifically in junior year ap us history & we had to make this stupid ww2 music video girl i don’t even know why idk#if it was even supposed to be abt ww2 but we were ww2 & we were told by our teacher we couldn’t shorten japanese that way bc that is a slur#& we were all like •_• •_• •_• •_• oh#bc it was the 4 of us in the group#& then i remember when kp found out this slur for chinese people is a slur bc apparently there’s a specific adjective they use to describe#people u Cannot Say Here Idk Abt India But Definitely Not Here & also he then found out what ‘slur’ means bc he didn’t know that word either#ALSKKSKLKSLKALLSLLAKSLALDKAKSSK oh my god that trip was a mess#i fucking hate scotland
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(not hornyposting just musing lol) so i’m a singer-songwriter and performer irl and i’m thinking about the fact that i go around on a day to day basis singing serious, professional songs that use dogs and brainwashing and cannibalism as painful heartbroken metaphors. and i’ve been doing this for years but little by little all these things i process my anguish through in songwriting, have also become how i satisfy my sex drive. and i don’t know what to do with that information i just think it’s wild!! fun fact abt me i guess. i go out there in public singing about how service is my fulfillment and calling myself a good boy and i sing about wanting to be violently torn apart and eaten and i’m like. yeah it’s a metaphor. yeah dw i’m really normal. i don’t fantasize about having my humanity stripped from me and being treated like a stupid sweet puppy barking and whining for my lovers sick and twisted pleasure what are you TALKING about. i just like the poetic imagery of it. i SWEAR.
#i just think it’s silly….#like no joke i’ve written five songs this school year and lets see#there’s one about being a ‘‘silly stupid angel’’ who’s degraded and abused and idealized and stripped of all dignity#(yes it’s a commentary on the patriarchy. yes it’s about the toxic relationship i was in at the time. it’s also several of my kinks in one)#there’s one called GOOD BOY about being a dog. whining and kicking up the dirt. growling and whimpering. being taken advantage of#ITS JUST A METAPHOR. obviously. i actually wasn’t into puppy play yet when i wrote that song iirc. guess it got to me….#then there’s the cannibalism one. i gave my soul up you can eat me raw diced up and vulnerable i’m yours to try#it’s a ummmm it’s just a commentary. (also about my toxic relationship. he didn’t want to fuck OR eat me. but somehow still used me)#anyway the other two are just normal one is about filtering myself for him and the other is about being oppressed and poor and angry lol#still though. the fact that over half my songs are literally my kinks turned into poetry. and NOBODY KNOWS#it’s not my fault that those things are on my mind ALL THE TIME. what am i supposed to write songs about if not being a stupid puppy??#i don’t think anyone on my kink blog ACTUALLY wants to hear about this but my kinks are secret so this is the only place i can post about i#hope u can get some sort of psychological insight about me?? or idk stalk me?? show up 2 my shows and kidnap and use me?? who said that#i’m not even like. wet rn i’m just on here as reflex. and i’m THINKING. abt my TWISTED MIND and the weird shit i write about#in an intellectual way. cause i’m not USING my KINK BLOG this week. cause i SAID SO cause i need to KEEP MY WITS ABOUT ME#so i’m gonna be so normal. and not touch myself even a little bit cause i need to sleep and i need to move house and i need to be so normal#unrelatedly: tomorrow i’ll be one month on testosterone!! definitely hasn’t awakened anything in me….#anyway. anyway. i’m going to try to go to bed. probably going to end up edging myself stupid instead though#will just have 2 see what happens…. god it would be a shame if someone came in and used my sleeping body. who said that
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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!
2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr
3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!
overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!
#aritalks#i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use#not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before#and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk#but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day!#the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow#also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years#(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years#and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk)#was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!!#i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight#so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday#my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work#my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all#over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins)#but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered#(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting#when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so#just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my#mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19)#so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her#and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too#i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure#out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still#dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not#the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one#if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it#but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help#and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks#just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️
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um yall… sam’s roommate pulled up to coffee like. um. dressed like this. btw. and their hair is just like. a better fluffier mullet. is this surprising
#just wanna express what i’m dealing with btw because the hair thing sort of hit me like a truck earlier and then i was like#well girl wait… literally… come on lmao… also we both wore sweatervests hashtag twinem#it’s so chill though coffee was really fun#we ended up hanging for like two hours and then i was like fuckkkkk g2g to class and they walked w me partway there#and then almost dapped me up gave me a hug at the worst possible intersection there were so many people walking fuck the construction fr#but like. yeah it was chill im glad i reached out even tho like idk things r... ok.. w sam but we’re certainly not like 🤞#and i think they just had a semi recent breakup and drama and im like. um. largely unwell#and need 2 just get through this semester so i rlly forced myself to chill and go in with no expectations and it was just :-)#i was charmed by how passionate he was talking abt the weather and stuff like within minutes of meeting#i was listening to a very excited spiel about el nino and the tornadoes in wisconsin and etc oh and they came up w an ocean fact for me#and also ugh they played piano for so long growing up and can still like. do it. fucckcjkkk. and demonstrated#this rlly odd chord. um. like stretching and flexing their hand. srrryy lol i’m just giggling#lol and i mentioned my hair journey at one point and they were like ‘yeah? tell me about it’ shut UP… oh and also#knew exactly the stairwell i was talking abt when i described my favorite and we managed to chat abt that ugh it was so dorky#like. aw wow this person is just really cool#i also think they’re stupid hot but like idk since we actually um communicated and etc it's taken out a lot of the#tendency i had/have to be like 'sigh what if -' and er mythologize ppl. i suppose could be said. like aw we're just yapping and we're loyal#story likers now and if they ever want to just like make out sometime that’s so chill but regardless like we ball 💪#yayyyyyayyyyy me when i can be normal about things!!!!! 🫶🙈#abby talks
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#sorry but like why are men#lol ugh#got in a dumb fight with my husband and he said something mean#we talked abt it and whatever and then i was crying in the kitchen bc like you know!!!#gotta process the shit even if he says sorry like you still said it and I’m still gonna have to think abt it#anyway I was walking past him (bc obv he’s playing video games w his boi already 🙄) wiping my face or whatever#and he’s all 🥺 babe I don’t want you to cry#and sorry but BABE don’t say mean shit to me then#what the fuck lol that’s not a hard connection to make
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yeah I have more to say
#I think priest was right when he said I wanted a lot and it’s more than I can have bc I’ve taken more than I can handle#I’ve been trying to say yes to things which is all well and good but I’ve been out every night this week between hockey and friends#this week has lasted six months#and at the same time Tuesday was a few hours ago#and at all times there is so much I’m not doing.#as always it’s partially an issue of wasted time bc ive been getting up late and struggling to work in my room#but I also still haven’t recovered from the cold mentally or physically and it put me so behind#which was now two weeks ago god#somehow only two weeks#.but also two fucking weeks that’s so long#and I’m still trying to be gentle w myself but that doesn’t work but i also know I’m being too harsh on myself all the time#I don’t know what to do with any of this#I think temporarily I might stop Doing Things and just have time for me to get myself back together and slow down a bit bc it’s way too much#I think I’m just really horribly overwhelmed by everything and it’s built up to a breaking point#so this weekend I’m not gonna go out and see anyone I’m gonna stay in or go to the library and finish my work#have a goddamn cup of tea before I go to bed#I need to go to the shop and cook at some point but that can be basics for now because as much as I’d like to do the pie thing#maybe leave it until I’m more together so I’m not worried abt Extra things. I think temporary goal is to minimise the number of things#I really want to cry and just have it out but I’m teetering on the like. wanting to cry feeling instead of pushing over#this is a jump but I’m so tired of prioritising everyone else’s feelings#I realised tonight when I’m playing I’m always holding myself back a little to let other people do shit#and it’s not even like I’m holding back bc I’m good. I’m just letting other people do stuff bc I think they deserve it more#and when we had Shit happen I took on talking everyone down and making sure they were all okay#and then that whole weekend after I was completely fucked I couldn’t Do Anything#even with ms main character I’ve been stroking her ego do she doesn’t blow up completely and fuck stuff up for Everyone#maybe. just maybe my feelings are also important and I’m allowed to have shit not be my problem like everyone else#I think I’m going to bed it’s 2:40#I’m gonna try prioritise myself just a little tiny bit more#luke.txt
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highlights from my notes app. 30/79 and i couldn’t even finish the last chapter
⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖ AKAASHI KEIJI
undone ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖
she would do anything for her best friend. including, but not limited to, pretending to be his girlfriend, so he can get the attention of the girl of his dreams, as much as it hurts
PAIRING: akaashi x fem reader
STATUS: complete
TAGS/WARNING: unrequited love, fake dating, angst, pining, friends to lovers, university au, language, alcohol use, warnings may change
MDNI: will contain adult content (marked in chapter)
TAGLIST: complete this form to be added
PREVIEW: real
CHAPTER ONE: evidence
CHAPTER TWO: complications
CHAPTER THREE: close
CHAPTER FOUR: truths
CHAPTER FIVE: plans
CHAPTER SIX: act
-> SEQUEL
#reading this bc p*riod cramps are keeping me up and i want to die. surely this wont go badly#He captioned it: My pretty girl” kms#iwaizumi: i’m sorry to text you so much. i’m just bad at stopping myself” kms#I’m obsessed with you.” ow#she wants to believe her and everything she says.” there are so many pains in my body this might be the first unique experience i’ve had.#i think i’m getting a stomach ulcer /srs#She is sorry. She feels sorry for him.” ok the best analogy i can think of is in lying on a bed of knives and every line is just a little#bit of pressure that pushes me deeper into the knives so it’s not this overwhelming unbearable pain it’s just slow and uncomfortable and i#want it to stop but it’s beyond my control now also i feel blood dripping down my back#Yeah but I give a shit about you” a tall tall wall looms in front of me#after weeks of nonstop contact won’t answer her texts.” what if i ripped my stomach out#No” Akaashi says. “Can I kiss you?” i think i’m being cooked like a rotisserie chicken#ok ok this actually might be too much for me i’m going to be so sick please#let me paint the picture. it’s 5:40 am. i’ve been up since 3 battling the worst cramps i’ve had all year. been stuck in my head abt my own#irl crush dilemma. this fic is abt akaashi keiji. who i have never been normal about. so i obviously have invested feelings#. i feel like this is what being cheated on feels like. this is a genuine attack on my person and my well being i am being cheated on in#my whole interior feels like tar#my heart feels like how you feel when you start to drown like that sense of bubbling over and the loss of breath and irrational brain feels#god now i’m openly reading this like it’s me and something tells me that this in this moment is going to be the worst decision of my life#i’m pretty sure i took my antidepressants. here’s hoping#i let out a sound that was a bit like a strangled wail and i tried to be quiet i tried so hard but i woke roommate up#she hasn’t fallen back asleep since then it’s been an hour#i think this is grief. like i’m feeling real unmitigated grief.#internally i am wailing at the top of my lungs i need to scream i need to sob i need to have some kind of catharsis before my body implodes#Is she still watching?” kill YOURself#i just wished death on akaashi keiji what has the world become. maybe i’m having a lucid nightmare and this isn’t a real fic#and surely it’s a happy ending right i said in delusion#my period cramps are nothing compared to whatever concoction of gross painful awful gut wrenching pain sobs anguish peril grief you’ve done#this is like when i read in another life for the first time but a hundred times worse#That some sick small part of her still wishes it was Akaashi instead.” ok
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steroids have decided the two emotions for tonight are Gamer Rage and Deep Yearning Sadness
#marzi speaks#marzivents#i think i’ve sort of hit an energy limit tonight and it’s frustrating me. if i had to guess#probs mourning some of the energy and capability i used to have that i have to build back now#which is. manifesting at being angry that i’m rusty at splatoon lmao#sighhhh. i’m handling the concept of being disabled relatively well i think but shit is still hard abt it#i feel like talking to my brother’s friend abt it exhausted me a little. bc he said a lot of the little annoying things#the kind you can brush off as meaning well but that still add up#shit like ‘when i heard what happened i felt so sorry for you’#and comparing it to an acute injury he had. and saying he was relieved he didn’t have to medically withdraw#(having to medically withdraw from the semester has been the toughest part of this for me. i miss college so bad)#plus he like. did not seem to Get that i am Freshly Disabled!! i can’t walk out in the texas heat for very long#i have energy limits. i’m following a meds schedule (which is admittedly getting easier)#i dunno i’m just tired of it tonight i think. it’s frustrating#this got a bit more vent-y than i intended but ah well we’re here. i’ll give it the vent tag so ppl can block it if needed#i’m really lucky to know so many people that understand. because if every interaction with other people was like today’s i think i’d lose it
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I still cannot believe wine is actually *properly* alcoholic . . .
#like that gets you drunk ?! since when ?! I thought it was like expired fruit juice . . .#I said it with my chest too and my coworker back then looked at me like this 😧#she was like there is no way I knew you were innocent but are you serious rn#BUT LIKE IN MY DEFENCE I THOUGHT THAT WINE HAS SUCH A MINUTE QUANTITY OF ALCOHOL IN IT THAT ITS NEGLIGABLE ??#and I still cannot believe it can get you DRUNK like what the heck ?! I feel like I’ve been lied to my whole life#she also said I seem like I’d be a lightweight �� I’ll have you know I am so certain if I were to drink I’d not get drunk easily !!! >:(#anyways she left the job and she might come tomorrow or the day after to fight the manager cause he’s a perv (I haven’t even mentioned#anything abt him on here have I ?)#and she’s like the nana to my hachi so like I want to find a nice outfit to wear for her hehe (I don’t think she likes me but who cares ꈍᴗꈍ#<- I MEAN LIKES ME AS A FRIEND she obviously doesn’t like me in that way 😭 well not her at least …#I think my other coworker *might* like me in that way tbh but I don’t want it to sound like I’m full of myself but she’s being quite pushy#tho 😭 she’s always touching me and stuff too so hmmm BUT AGAIN I hope this doesn’t come off as self centred sobsss#also I’ll try to brb tmrw . . if work permits me bc the dummy manager made me work on Thursday this week too 🫢💔
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#oops i’m back to vague posting in my tags again!#listen i didn’t think It was weird when i was younger and i frequently engaged with It#but now that i’m an adult i actually do think It is weird and lowkey an invasion of privacy#or i guess like#if the person thinks it’s an invasion of privacy then it is and you don’t get to tell them otherwise#similarly to ppl doing deep dives into other ppl’s sexualities (that’s not what It is but it’s similar)#like it’s not wrong to think someone is gay because there’s nothing wrong or offensive abt being gay#but psychoanalyzimg everything someone else to hope they ‘slip up’ and say something gay so you can be like AHA is an invasion of privacy#SM literally said he felt so violated and that he felt like he had to be like ultra straight in case he did ‘slip up’ bc he was/is#questioning his sexuality and its none of anyone else’s business actually#but then you could argue that if a famous person has a platform where they can induce change for the better do they then not have a moral#obligation to use that platform for that person?#it’s the whole spider man thing#if you can stop bad things from happening but you don’t then the bad things happen bc of you#i do think that logic is deeply flawed and the world isn’t that black and white but it’s like that#my second point i guess is that if a famous person is queer should they come out to use their platform as an agent of change for ppl#bc a lot of homophobic ppl often just need to know someone who is gay to change their minds#like as a teacher do i have a moral obligation to come out to my kids to show them that queer ppl can grow up and be successful#and to show the homophobic kids that ‘hey i’m queer and you respected me before you knew that and nothing has changed im still me’#bc that has happened to me before where homophobic kids were not homophobic after having me as a teacher#anyways#the long of the short of it is that i have no idea
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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭
#diary#i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY#‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w#the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just#girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY#i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA#LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent#tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish#the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT#i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just#learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the#Context & what’s being Said#ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re#all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i#pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i#walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE#like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past#girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans#ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks#it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting#we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY#bring lunch whatever#i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET#i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND
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Ugh!!!
#I’m sorry guys but if I stand still and think abt stuff I want to fucking explode. there’s sm going on and has been going and we all just#have to keep toiling away at the end of the world.#and on a more interpersonal level. so pissed bc I can’t prove this but I am pretty sure#Aaron was trying to find a reason to get upset with me/have a wallow moment??? that I could be blamed for#so a little while ago. I accidentally deleted Aaron’s progress in a game.#I’ve been so careful since#he went to play the game on the system in our room#but stopped and said in what I heard as a tone ‘is that guy unlocked on the other console?’#like that doesn’t sound bad but the tone and behavior….#so I went and looked and it was fine.#he’s not playing the game and is scrolling TikTok’s. I think he just wanted to be upset or set me up to fail idk#sorry this is a general update and complaint need to bitch a lil before I end up on the news
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