#i’m still surprised when people like my shit
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒. 𝐒 | 𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐓 𝐔𝐏 & 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄⁷
⭑.ᐟ : 𝐀𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭’𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞. I was lounging on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through my phone, when a sudden knock at the door startled me. Confused, I set my phone down and got up, walking over to the door.
I reached the door, opening it slightly to see who was there. A feeling of uneasy recognition washed over me as I saw Chris standing in the doorway, an expectant smile on his face.
I rolled my eyes and walked away from the door, already feeling annoyed by his unexpected arrival. Chris followed me in, closing the door behind him.
“Whoa whoa whoa,” he said, grabbing my wrist and stopping me in my tracks. “What’s with the sudden switch up? You were all up on me last night, what did I do, ma?”
I spun around to face him, fixing him with a serious look. “Putting your clothes on me and leaving your shit around my house is what you did,” I repeated firmly, the annoyance clear in my voice.
I crossed my arms over my chest, continuing to glare at him. “I literally got in an argument with Matt because he thought I was sleeping with you,” I added, my annoyance and defensiveness rising.
Chris looked mildly surprised at my revelation that Matt had been over. “Matt was here?” he echoed, his eyebrows raised.
I nodded, still scowling. “Yeah, he was. He wasn’t happy to see me wearing your clothes,” I retorted, the sarcasm evident in my voice.
Chris chuckled, a cocky smirk on his face. “Aw, did little Matty-boy get jealous?” he teased, clearly amused by my situation.
Chris took a step forward, his hands reaching for my waist. “Let him,” he said, his gaze locked on mine. “He’s just mad ‘cause you look better in my clothes than his, ma.”
Chris’s hands on my waist pulled me closer to him, my resolve weakening as he neared. “Stop, Chris,” I protested weakly, the proximity and his nearness making it difficult to resist him. “God, you make it so difficult…”
Chris pretended to be clueless, looking down at me with an innocent expression. “Why?” he asked, his hands still on my waist.
I let out a frustrated sigh, gathering my thoughts. “You’re a player,” I began, staring up at him. “I know I should be staying away and I know you’re nothing but trouble.”
I continued firmly, raising a finger between us. “We can’t happen,” I stated firmly, my voice determined. “And we’re never going to happen, ‘cause I’m not going to be another victim of whatever game you’re playing, Chris.”
Chris’s smirk stayed in place, not even fazed by my words. He leaned down, his face only inches away from mine.
Chris leaned down even closer, our faces almost touching. “Just remember,” he said, his voice suggestive, “you were the one who wanted to kiss me last night.”
He moved his head even closer, his breath warm against my face. “Don’t let Matt’s words get to you,” he muttered, his voice dropping to a low murmur.
I swallowed, trying to hold my ground. “Matt only wants what’s best for me,” I countered, my voice weaker than I wanted it to be.
Chris chuckled, his hands tightening their grip on my waist. “And what if what’s best for you isn’t what Matt thinks?” he asked, his lips hovering just above mine.
Chris pulled me even closer, his voice sultry and persuasive. “Maybe I’m what’s best for you,” he whispered, his breath hot against my skin. “And Matt’s just talking down on me so you’ll have this perspective of me as a horrible person. It’s true I’m far from perfect, but everyone’s got a story and reasons behind it, don’t they?”
Chris’s tone turned softer, less teasing. His hands loosened their grip on my waist, still holding me close but with a gentler touch.
“I wasn’t always like this,” he murmured, his gaze never leaving mine. “People can change you, ma. I’m not the same person I was five years ago, or even a year ago. And maybe… just maybe you can change me too.”
Chris moved his mouth from my ear down to my neck, his breath hot against my skin. “Just drop the hard act and live a little,” he murmured, his lips brushing against my sensitive flesh.
“There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun,” he continued, his voice a seductive murmur. “And I can show you a whole lot of fun, ma…”
Despite my better judgment, I found myself melting under his touches, his words both tempting and dangerous.
“Chris…” I protested weakly, my resolve weakening as his lips continued their path along my neck.
Chris’s lips continued their path down my neck, his words a husky murmur against my skin. “Matt doesn’t have to know,” he whispered, his voice low and sultry. “It’ll be our secret, ma.”
His mouth moved down my neck to just under my jawline, his kisses gentle yet persuasive.
“You’re a big girl who can choose her own decisions without someone else making them for you,” he murmured between kisses. “So decide wisely.”
As Chris continued his trail of kisses down my neck, my thoughts began to spin, a mix of desire and guilt flooding my mind. I knew that I was about to make a decision that could have serious consequences, and yet… I couldn’t bring myself to push him away.
I thought to myself, This is my decision. Whatever happens from here is on me. I own it all. Not Matt, not Chris… Me.
The realization of my own agency hit me even harder, and any last trace of resistance faded. I knew what I was about to do was risky, and there were definitely going to be consequences, but at that moment… I didn’t care.
I raised a hand, my fingers tangling gently into the soft strands of Chris’s hair. Not pulling him away, but instead holding him closer, surrendering to the moment and my own impulses.
I tilted my head slightly to the side, granting him more access to my neck. Chris chuckled against my skin, his breath hot and heavy.
“There you go,” he crooned, a hint of satisfaction in his voice. “Let yourself go, ma. I’ve got you.”
His hands gripped me tighter, his mouth now trailing over my collarbone. I gasped softly, my fingers clenching his hair as my body arched against his.
My mind was reeling, caught between the heady rush of desire and the cold reality of what I was doing. But in the heat of the moment, it was difficult to think clearly.
Chris’s mouth continued kissing, the sensitive skin there responding to his every touch. His hands roamed over my sides, up my back, and down to my hips, their grip firm yet gentle.
“Don’t think,” he murmured against my skin, picking up on my internal struggle. “Just feel, ma.”
His hands moved from my hips to my chin, gently tilting my face up to meet his.
Our eyes locked for a brief moment, both of us seeming to hesitate. But then Chris leaned in, his lips descending on mine in a slow, deliberate kiss.
Fuck it felt wrong, and yet so right at the same time. I found myself melting into it, my body responding to his even as my mind screamed that this wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to hate him, to resist him, to not fall for this.
Yet here I was, returning his kiss, my body quivering under his hands as the guilt and pleasure warred within me.
Chris’s lips left mine, moving down to the opposite side of my neck. At the same time, one of his hands moved to the back of my head, his fingers tangling into my hair as he pulled my head to the side to give him better access.
The combination of his mouth on my neck and the slight sting of my hair being pulled made me gasp, a moan escaping my lips despite my best efforts to hold it in.
Chris chuckled against my skin, his free hand gripping my hip. “That’s good, ma. Let me hear you.”
He gave my hair another gentle tug, his lips continuing their path down my neck. I couldn’t help but let out another soft moan, this time louder and more desperate than the last.
As the moans escaped from my lips, a sudden realization hit me like a bucket of cold water. This wasn’t right, I couldn’t keep doing this.
“I can’t,” I gasped, pushing weakly at his chest. “I can’t, Chris. We can’t do this. I can’t…” I repeated, my voice quivered with both desire and fear.
Chris paused, his lips leaving my neck as he looked down at me with a mixture of surprise and understanding. He didn’t fight my hands as they pushed at his chest, instead taking a small step back, giving me a bit of space.
But he didn’t go far, his intense gaze never leaving mines. “Why not?” he asked, his voice a soft murmur. “Is it cause of Matt?”
My gaze held his, my voice firm despite the conflicting feelings surging within me. “No. It’s got nothing to do with Matt right now,” I answered, my hands still pressed against his chest. “This is a bad idea, and we both know it.”
Chris just watched me silently, his hands now at his sides. But his gaze was intense still, those blue eyes holding mine trapped. After a moment, he spoke, his voice a deep murmur. “Why is it a bad idea?” he asked, his tone curious and sincere. “What makes it so wrong?”
My voice grew quieter, the fear and uncertainty evident in it. “Because I don’t want to be another trophy to you,” I confessed, my words barely above a whisper. “And I don’t know where you’ll be in the morning, or who you’ll be with… and I can’t… I can’t handle that.”
Chris just looked at me, his expression unreadable. I could see the wheels turning in his head, processing my words. After a moment, he took a small step forward, closing the distance between us again.
“So you’re just going to assume the worst?” he asked quietly. “That I’ll just toss you aside like a piece of trash?”
I bit my lip, a mixture of shame, fear, and disappointment flooding through me. “Can you blame me?” I responded, my voice shaking. “You’re not exactly known for sticking around long-term, Chris. You don’t even remember half the girls you’ve slept with. How am I supposed to believe I’ll be any different?”
Chris’s gaze stayed locked on mine, his expression hardening, almost defensive. He slowly pulled back from me, his hands moving to his pockets.
He was quiet for a moment, before a bitter chuckle escaped his lips. “You’re just always gonna see the bad side of me, huh?” he muttered, his tone a mixture of hurt and annoyance. “You’ll never believe that I might want to change, will you?”
I felt a pang of guilt and sadness in my chest, the truth of his words stinging. “Chris, I do believe that you want to change,” I said quietly. “But you can’t blame me for being hesitant. You have a track record, and I’m sorry, but that’s not exactly easy to forget.”
He gave a harsh laugh, bitterness lacing his words. “Right, right. My track record. Always gotta bring it back to that, don’t you?” He took another step away from me, clearly hurt and frustrated by the direction this conversation was going.
I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. “You know how I feel about people like you,” I said, my voice firm yet soft. “You did this yourself, Chris. You can’t be upset at me when I push you away, when I’m scared of being hurt.”
Chris’s expression darkened, frustration and anger mingling in his gaze. “Then stop letting fear get in the way of what you want, for once in your life,” he spat, his voice edged with annoyance. “God, you just let what Matt says get to your head too much. Don’t you have a mind of your own?”
I turned away from Chris and walked over to the coffee table, picking up his hat and jersey from it. The anger and hurt fueling me, I walked back over to him and shoved them against his chest.
“Here, take your shit and go” I said, my voice cold and hard.
His expression darkened even further as he took the hat and jersey from me, gripping them tightly in his hands.
“So that’s it, huh?” he said, his tone a mix of anger and resignation. “You’re just going to push me away again? Ignore your own feelings because you’re too scared to give in to them?”
I felt a pang in my chest as the words left my lips, but I had to do it. I had to shut him out, push him away before he had a chance to break me.
“Just go, Chris,” I said, my voice firm though the sadness was edging through. “I can’t do this right now. Just go.”
Chris just nodded in response, a bitter smile on his face. He turned and walked towards the door, his footsteps echoing heavily in the silent room.
As he reached the door, he paused, glancing back at me one last time. “You know where to find me if you want a quick fuck,” he muttered, his voice hard and bitter.
“Fuck you!” I spat, anger and hurt bubbling over. “Just leave, get the hell out of here!”
He paused, a mix of anger and hurt flickering across his features, but he said nothing else. He opened the door and was gone, his absence leaving a cold void in the room.
I felt the anger and pain wash over, the reality of what just happened crashing down on me like a tidal wave. I walked over and sank down onto the couch, burying my head in my hands and cursing myself for letting things get this way.
The silence in the room was almost deafening, the only sound being the clock ticking away the seconds in the corner. I felt a mix of emotions swirling in my chest—anger, hurt, disappointment, and guilt.
“God dammit,” I muttered to myself, clenching my fists in frustration. “What have I done?”
As I sat in the silence, the memory of last night came flooding back. The way he had listened to me, how kind and caring he'd been, even as I was telling him about the worst moment of my life.
I felt a pang of guilt as I realized that I might have been too quick to judge him, that maybe I'd let my fears and insecurities get the better of me. Maybe this time, he was telling the truth.
But the damage was already done, and now maybe Chris wanted nothing to do with me ever again.
TAGS: @st6rify @jetaimevous @certifiedstarrr @slvtf0rchr1s @l3sbiancvnt @wh0remikasas @r0s3luvr @emely9274 @mimiluvzpicklez @courta13 @talia-unknown @ivysturnss
── .✦ MASTER—LIST ⭑𓂃
#★┊[𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒.𝐒] .ᐟ 🦌₊˚⊹#₊ 𖦹﹕𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐓 𝐔𝐏 & 𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄 ₊˚꒰🏁꒱‧#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo triplets#chris sturiolo fanfic#chris sturniolo x reader#chris x y/n#chris x you#chris x reader#freshl6ve#street racing au#street racing
82 notes
·
View notes
Text
You have no idea how excited I was for this series and it did not disappoint in the slightest! It hit all the right spots, love!! I'm so thrilled to see where it goes from here 😍🫶
Details below 😉👇
First of all, it's one thing to wake up to yelling, but the freaking air horn?! Wow, our poor boy 😂😂
You shot him an odd look, but he ignored it, shifting slightly to make sure the blanket hid the… Predicament he was currently dealing with.
I feel like that would've been on her, though 😆 If I had a boy roommate and surprised him in the morning, I wouldn't be shocked to my core to encounter morning wood lmao
The angst and constant (adorably idiotic) overthinking of Dean's during their whole shopping trip was delicious! I devoured that shit, girl. And when the crotchless panties showed up – dead 💀
The worst part? You were always the person he talked to when he was confused about something. But now you were the one person he couldn’t talk to about this.
Ooof, and that is always the downfall 🙈 They're not gonna communicate properly throughout this whole fic, are they? Am I gonna be yelling at you a lot? Probably. But all out of love 😂😘
Benny chuckled, lining up his next shot. “I think the real question is, why the hell did you stay?”
Benny cracked me up with this line. I could so imagine him saying that with that little smirk of his 😆
I loved the guys' night out and how all of them, without a fail, made fun of Dean and knew from the start what he was talking about 😂😂
And that childhood meeting story about killed me with cuteness! Stawp 😭💕🍭
“Honey, I’m home!” Dean called out as soon as he stepped into the apartment. The words left him out of habit, that same old teasing lilt in his voice. It was an inside joke that had stuck over time—born the day you’d both moved in together after college, a decision fuelled by practicality more than anything else.
Uh-huh. I'm not believing a word he's telling me right now 😂 Gabe was right. Denial is a powerful drug lol
Gary from marketing.
Ugh, not Gary from marketing 🙄 (Honestly, who still names their child Gary these days? Not exactly a name I wanna scream in bed. No offense to any Garys reading this 😂)
You frowned up at him, your brows knitting together like a scolded child. “You’re no fun.”
I'm a sucker for a wasted reader/wasted Dean. (Happy) drunk people are the freaking best gift 😂🥂
I swear, if Dean doesn't communicate his feelings properly, I will throw a shoe at the screen of my laptop, hoping it will goddamn hit him 😅
But that kiss?! HOLY HELL 🔥🔥🔥 (Please ma'am, may I have some more of this hotness?)
And I love that Dean realized she was too drunk for this, but now I'm genuinely worried how the next morning will go? 👀 Are they going to be awkward about it, avoid one another, or actually talk? (Yeah, I know. The last one is a stretch lol). I'm aware of the fic title and love the friends with benefits trope, so I'm so stoked for all the angst to come and flourish in the next chapters! 😁👏
The Arrangement - Part One
Pairing: Dean x Reader
Summary: Dean has a conflicting dream about you, his best friend, that has him questioning feelings he'd never allowed to see the light of day before. However, he might not be the only one…
Word Count: 7.7k
Warnings/Tags: Swearing, feelings, some spicy times, nothing too heavy...
AN: Happy Release day!!🎉 Honestly, i can’t thank you all enough for the excitement around this series since announcing it! I've fell in love writing this story 🥹 and I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I have writing it ❤️
Main Masterlist
Series Masterlist
Dean smiled lazily as he felt a warm palm slide up his chest, the body behind him pressing closer. Soft lips trailed kisses along his neck and shoulders, sending a shiver down his spine. He hummed in contentment and shifted onto his back, his tired eyes opening to the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen.
Her eyes sparkled with warmth and mischief, her lips curving into a playful smirk before she leaned down, peppering gentle kisses along his jaw. His eyes fluttered shut again as she sucked lightly at his pulse point, his breath coming quicker. A low groan rumbled from his throat as he gripped her waist, pulling her up into a heated kiss.
Her tongue caressed his, her touch sending fire through his veins. Her hand slid down his abdomen, fingertips grazing lower and lower beneath the sheets, his pulse pounding—
"WAKE UP, LOSER!"
Dean's eyes shot open, his body jolting as the blaring shriek of an airhorn filled his room. He yanked the covers tighter around himself, his heart racing from both the rude awakening and the remnants of his dream.
"What the hell, Y/N?" he growled, glaring at the culprit as he covered his ears. You grinned triumphantly and finally put the airhorn to rest.
Dean huffed, flopping back down on the bed and throwing an arm over his face, trying to will away the heat rising to his cheeks.
What the fuck? Was all he could think, his sleep-addled brain scrambling to make sense of why he’d just had a sex dream about you.
You, meanwhile, were way too chipper for his liking.
"C’mon, Dean-o, up and at ’em." You patted his leg, and he flinched like you’d just burned him. You shot him an odd look, but he ignored it, shifting slightly to make sure the blanket hid the… Predicament he was currently dealing with.
"What’s with the drill sergeant wake-up? Can a guy not sleep in on a Saturday?" He grumbled, voice still rough from sleep, and other things.
You pouted. Actually pouted. And Dean had to force himself to look away from your lips—lips that had just been doing unspeakable things to him in his dream.
"You promised you'd go Christmas shopping with me.” You reminded him, completely unfazed by his mood.
Dean frowned. "That doesn’t sound like something I’d promise."
You hit him with your classic 'don’t bullshit me' look. And, yeah, okay, he remembered now. He'd offered last week, wanting to help you survive the chaos of last-minute shoppers—and use the trip to grab gifts for his own family.
"Fine, yeah. Just give me ten minutes to wake up, alright?" He relented, desperate for you to leave so he could deal with his little… Issue.
“Thanks, Buddy." Your voice was smug, like you knew he’d never actually say no to you. Because, let’s be honest, he never did.
Dean sighed as you closed the door behind you. He let his head fall back against the pillow, running a hand down his face.
What the hell?
Why was he dreaming about you like that? You were his best friend. You’d been inseparable since fourth grade. Sure, you were beautiful, but that had never been an issue before.
…Had it?
Dean groaned, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. Nope. Too early for a deep dive into that mess. He rationalised it away—one, you were attractive. Two, you were close. And, statistically speaking, didn’t most guy-girl friendships eventually veer into weird territory at some point?
Yeah. Totally normal. No big deal.
Except… Two hours later, standing in the middle of a lingerie store, Dean realised he was totally screwed.
Before that, he’d spent the last two hours hauling around a bunch of your shopping bags like a damn pack mule. Only one of them happened to be his, with his completed gift purchases for everyone he needed to buy for. Though to be fair to you, your arms were just as full. He was bewildered at your ability to buy so much for so little.
Your immediate family only consisted of three people—Bobby, Ellen, and Jo—but you had argued that you had your friends, his family, and him to buy for. The latter of which, he’d told you not to do.
However, it fell on deaf ears as always. Every Christmas and birthday, it was the same. But Dean couldn’t fault you for it—you always got people gifts that were meaningful to them, and you got so much joy from giving that he could never say anything other than thank you.
What he wasn’t thankful for was your complete inability to stay focused. Every shop you entered, you’d get distracted by little knickknacks, convincing yourself someone needed them, rather than the original item you came for. It made the day so much longer, but despite the fatigue in his arms and the chaos of holiday shoppers, he was enjoying himself.
Though, that was a given with you.
You were naturally a people pleaser, but knowing how much Dean hated shopping, you’d made it your mission to keep him entertained. You’d made him laugh—laugh to the point his belly ached and tears were shed. The day had surprisingly become enjoyable. But then you'd dragged him into this store, and his brain short-circuited.
The window displays alone had him spiralling, lace and silk-covered mannequins taunting him with thoughts he really didn’t need to have. About you. And then you, completely oblivious, pulled a matching red lace bra and thong off a rack, holding them up for inspection.
Dean swallowed hard.
He’d done your laundry before. You two split chores in the apartment, and he’d handled your underwear plenty of times; never thinking twice about it. So why the hell was he suddenly imagining you in them now?
Was this really because of the dream? It had to be.
And then, like you hadn’t already sent him into cardiac arrest, you giggled, holding up another pair. "Hey, check this out—crotchless panties."
Dean barely choked back a groan as you stuck your fingers through the open section like it was the funniest thing in the world. His brain, on the other hand, provided a detailed mental slideshow of all the things he could do to you in them.
Jesus Christ.
He needed air.
"I—uh—I gotta step outside. Promised Sammy I’d call about a gift for Mom," he lied, voice tight.
You barely glanced up. "Okay."
Dean bolted like his life depended on it, shoving through the doors and inhaling the crisp winter air. "What the fuck is wrong with you, man?" He muttered under his breath, dragging a hand down his face.
A passing woman gave him a scandalised look as she walked by with her kid. He shot her an apologetic smile before leaning back against the brick wall, blowing out a heavy breath.
He tried to clear his mind, but every time he pushed the R-rated thoughts away, softer images replaced them. The way you smiled. The way you laughed, head thrown back, eyes crinkling. That stupid fluttery feeling hit his stomach again.
Dean frowned.
Was he sick? Hallucinating?
The worst part? You were always the person he talked to when he was confused about something.
But now you were the one person he couldn’t talk to about this.
Another half hour crawled by before you finally emerged from the store, a small bag swinging from your wrist. Dean’s eyes locked onto it like it held the answers to the universe, his mind immediately spiralling.
What the hell did you buy?
He told himself he didn’t care. He really didn’t. But his brain clearly had other plans because now he was picturing you in every single thing you could’ve possibly picked out.
Lingerie? Pyjama's? Something sheer, lace- nope!
He swallowed hard and forced himself to focus on literally anything else, but it was a lost cause. By the time you both made it back to the apartment, he felt like his brain had been put through a damn blender.
You, however, were completely unbothered, tossing your bags onto the floor with a content sigh before flopping onto the couch. "Pizza should be here soon. You wanna pick the movie?"
Dean blinked, barely processing the words. Right. Normal best friend things. Hanging out. Eating pizza. Watching a movie. That’s what you two did. That’s what you’d always done.
Maybe that’s all today was—a momentary lapse. A weird, fleeting thing brought on by lack of sleep, the stress of shopping, and, most probably, the objectifying dream he’d had of you. It didn’t have to mean anything more than that.
Yeah. He could shake this off. No big deal.
Letting out a slow breath, he dropped onto the couch beside you, snagging the remote. "Fine. But if I pick, you’re not allowed to bitch about it."
You hummed, already scrolling through your phone. "I make no promises."
A small smirk tugged at Dean’s lips. This was normal. Easy. Just like always.
And for the first time since this morning, he let himself believe it.
The following Friday, Dean found himself at the Roadhouse with Benny, Cas, and Gabe. It was the kind of place that felt like a second home.
The Roadhouse wasn’t fancy—hell, half the decor was older than they were—but it had its own charm. The regulars, the outdated rodeo-style décor, the worn wooden bar top that had seen more spilled whiskey and thrown punches than anyone cared to count.
The walls were lined with old beer signs, neon lights buzzing softly under the hum of conversation. The jukebox in the corner cycled through rock classics, always a little too loud, but that was part of the place’s charm.
Dean and the guys had been coming here for years—long before they were even old enough to drink. You had, too. Being Ellen’s stepdaughter meant you practically grew up in this place, and while Ellen had a strict no-bullshit policy, she wasn’t blind to the fact that teenagers would be teenagers.
As long as you and the guys stayed under her watchful eye, she let you each have a beer or two when you were younger, making damn sure no one got carried away. And if anyone so much as thought about sneaking more? Well, Ellen had a way of shutting that down real quick. She was tough, sharp as a whip, and had a stare that could make a grown man fold—but she cared, more than she’d ever admit.
Jo helped out too, working the bar some nights in between her law enforcement studies. She’d been slinging beers and rolling her eyes at the group’s antics since she was old enough to work behind the counter, always quick with a sarcastic remark when any of them got out of line.
You and Dean had spent countless nights here, watching as the Roadhouse shaped who you all became.
Benny leaned against the pool table, lining up his shot with an easy, practiced confidence. Dean had seen him do it a hundred times—his friend had a natural ease about him, a steadiness that made him damn good at their job.
They spent most of their days working maintenance for RHP Properties, fixing busted pipes and dealing with tenants who thought every flickering light meant the world was ending. Benny made the long hours bearable.
Cas sat nearby, nursing a whiskey, his sharp blue eyes scanning the table like he was analysing some historical battle strategy. He always had that serious, thoughtful air about him. It made sense—he was a history teacher, working his way toward becoming a professor. His brain just worked differently.
And then there was Gabriel, though he liked to go by Gabe, Cas’ cousin. Though you’d never guess it just by looking at them.
Where Cas was serious, methodical, and downright broody at times, Gabe was his exact opposite—carefree, unpredictable, and always ready with a joke. The contrast between them was almost comical, like night and day, order and chaos.
Currently half-draped over the bar like he owned the place, Gabe was laughing at something Rachel, the new bartender, had said. She was easy on the eyes—exactly the kind of woman Gabe set his sights on. And judging by the way she giggled and blushed under his usual blend of wit and charm, he’d hit his mark.
Gabe had always been that guy—the one who could talk his way into or out of anything, a natural-born trickster with a grin that could disarm just about anyone. No one was entirely sure what he did for a living, some mix of marketing gigs and side hustles that somehow kept him afloat. According to him, it was all about “the art of persuasion.”
Dean just called it bullshit.
The night had settled into an easy rhythm—drinks flowing, pool games stretching long enough to become more about talking shit than actual competition. Gabe, as always, had the floor, spinning some ridiculous story about a one-night stand gone wrong.
“I’m telling you; she had three snakes. Just slithering around the damn apartment like it was normal,” Gabe insisted, gesturing wildly with his beer. “One of ‘em was watching me, man. I swear it knew.”
Benny chuckled, lining up his next shot. “I think the real question is, why the hell did you stay?”
Gabe shrugged. “What can I say? I have a hard time walking away from an adventure.”
Cas, who had been nursing his whiskey with a bemused expression, finally spoke up. “It’s a wonder you haven’t been killed yet.”
“Give it time,” Benny muttered, sinking his shot.
The conversation shifted, everyone throwing in their own weird hookup stories—bad timing, embarrassing moments, things they wished they could forget. Dean had been mostly listening, chuckling at their dumb-assery, when the thought that had been nagging him for days finally slipped out.
“Is it, uh… normal to have a sex dream about a friend?”
Benny didn’t react at first, too focused on sinking his shot, but Gabe, ever the opportunist, caught onto it immediately. “If it’s about Y/N? Yeah, totally.”
Dean nearly choked on his beer. “What? No—it’s not—”
Gabe grinned, tilting his head like he was enjoying watching Dean squirm. “Not what? Not about her? Or not just a dream?”
Dean scowled, scrambling to recover. “Jesus, Gabe, I didn’t say it was about her. It was hypothetical.”
“Uh-huh.” Gabe leaned against the pool table, twirling the chalk in his fingers. “Sure, man. Hypothetical.”
Dean exhaled sharply, trying to shake off the weird, twisting feeling in his gut. “Just saying, dreams don’t mean anything, right? Just… brain static.”
Benny chuckled, finally looking up from the table. “Depends on the dream, brother.”
Dean glanced between them, suddenly feeling like he was the only one missing something. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Gabe smirked, eyes twinkling with mischief. “It means you’ve been making googly eyes at her since we were, what—fifteen?”
Dean’s stomach dropped. “The hell I have.”
Gabe ignored him, tapping his chin. “Honestly, I’m surprised this hasn’t happened sooner.”
Benny sighed, shaking his head as he sank another shot. “Sorry, brother. Gotta agree with the gremlin on this one.”
Cas, who had been silent up until now, finally spoke, his voice calm and matter of fact. “It’s always been very obvious.”
Dean stared at them, mouth opening and closing. “You guys are insane.”
Gabe shrugged, completely unfazed. “Denial’s a hell of a drug. You’ll catch up eventually.”
Dean gripped his pool cue a little tighter, his next shot suddenly feeling a lot more difficult than it should have.
Benny, ever the voice of reason, leaned on his cue. “Ain’t anything bad, Dean. You two have known each other since you were what? Nine. Been joint at the hip since. You know all her family, she knows yours. Hell, she’s practically—”
“If that were true, something would’ve happened by now,” Dean cut in, shaking his head.
Gabe snorted, swiping Dean’s beer before he could stop him. “Not if you’re in denial, my friend.”
Dean’s jaw clenched, frustration curling in his chest. Their words were ringing too damn true, and it was freaking him out. “You’re all outta your damn minds.”
Gabe just smirked. “Keep telling yourself that, Winchester.”
The conversation haunted him. All the way back to the apartment.
He’d walked the couple of blocks from the bar to your shared place, his friends’ words swirling around his mind, needling into places he didn’t want to acknowledge.
Dean knew he cared about you—he always had. But wasn’t that normal after knowing someone for so long? You were practically family.
His thoughts drifted back to the first time he met you. Fourth grade. The old, rusted swing set at the park near his house.
He’d been shoving loose gravel around with the toe of his sneaker when he heard a loud laugh—sharp and unbothered. Looking up, he saw a girl launch herself off the swing at its peak, landing in a heap on the ground with a thud.
He winced. That had to hurt.
But instead of crying, you rolled onto your back, a grin splitting your dirt-smudged face as you stared up at the sky. "Holy crap, that was awesome."
Dean frowned, more confused than anything. "You just busted your knee."
You sat up, inspecting the scrape with a shrug. "Eh, I’ve had worse."
Then you looked at him—really looked at him—and grinned. "Think you can jump higher?"
Dean, never one to back down from a challenge, snorted. "Duh."
And that was that. A competition was born.
For the next hour, you and Dean had taken turns swinging as high as possible before flinging yourselves off, measuring who could get the most distance. By the time the sun dipped low, both of you were covered in dirt and scrapes, laughing like idiots.
When his mom finally called him home for dinner, he’d hesitated before brushing off his hands and looking at you. "Same time tomorrow?"
You grinned, teeth flashing. "You’re on, Winchester."
And just like that, Dean had found his best friend.
Now, years later, that same friend was tangled up in his head in a way he couldn’t ignore.
And it scared the hell out of him.
“Honey, I’m home!” Dean called out as soon as he stepped into the apartment. The words left him out of habit, that same old teasing lilt in his voice. It was an inside joke that had stuck over time—born the day you’d both moved in together after college, a decision fuelled by practicality more than anything else.
Splitting rent was cheaper, and as best friends, it had made perfect sense. Somehow, though, the whole thing had felt oddly domestic from the start, and Dean had cracked the joke that first night—throwing open the door with a smirk, announcing himself like some sitcom husband. You’d groaned, thrown a pillow at him, and it had just stuck. Something easy, something comfortable.
From somewhere deeper in the apartment, your voice called back, warm and casual. “Hey!” You greeted him as he shrugged off his worn leather jacket and toed off his boots with a sigh, rolling his neck to ease the tension there.
“How were the guys?” You called out again.
"Yeah, they're all good," he answered absentmindedly, trying not to think about that last conversation he’d had with them as he headed straight for the fridge, already contemplating his options.
His hand gripped the cool metal of the handle as he swung it open, his face falling at the sad excuse for groceries staring back at him—half a six-pack, expired milk, some takeout containers he didn’t even remember ordering.
Right. Grocery shopping. Definitely overdue.
"Hey, you feel like ordering in tonight?" He called out over his shoulder. "Pizza? Chinese? Maybe both, live a little?"
But before he could get an answer, movement in the corner of his eye pulled his focus, and his breath caught in his throat.
You stepped out of your room, and just like that, Dean forgot how to breathe.
His hand slipped from the fridge handle as his entire focus tunnelled in on you. You weren’t just dressed up—you were knockout gorgeous.
A sleek, black dress hugged your figure in a way that should’ve been illegal, the fabric clinging in all the right places before tapering off mid-thigh. Your legs—long, smooth, and so much more on display than he was prepared for—were accentuated by the sharp cut of your stilettos, heels so high they had no damn business being on your feet, yet somehow, you walked like you owned the world in them.
Dean swallowed hard.
His gaze flickered to the subtle details—the delicate chain resting just below the hollow of your throat, the way the dim lighting in the apartment caught the shimmer of your earrings, how your makeup was just enough to highlight what was already perfect.
You smelled different too—a new perfume perhaps? Something subtle but undeniably you.
The air in the apartment felt thick, like it was pushing down on his chest.
You didn’t even notice his staring. Instead, you were focused on the couch, leaning over slightly as you grabbed your purse, your fingers quickly checking through its contents. "I can't," you said lightly, barely looking up. "Got a hot date, remember?"
Dean blinked, your words cutting through his haze like a blade.
“Date?"
His stomach twisted.
You straightened up, finally glancing at him with a smirk. "Yeah, with Gary from marketing?" You prompted, slinging your purse over your shoulder. "He asked me out last week—I told you about it?”
Gary from marketing.
Dean’s brows furrowed as the memory came rushing back—how you’d offhandedly mentioned it while he was distracted with something else, how he’d muttered some half-assed response at the time, maybe even made a joke—
"The guy with the tragic haircut?" he muttered, the words coming out before he could stop them.
You laughed. "That’s the one."
And just like that, it hit him.
He’d been so caught up in his own damn thoughts about you lately—trying to reason with himself, trying to make sense of the way things had shifted between you lately—that he hadn’t even thought the world would still be turning for you.
He’d been sitting in the passenger seat, clueless, while you’d been steering your own damn life without him.
And now?
Now, you were standing there, looking like that, all dressed up for some other guy—some idiot named Gary, who got to pick you up and take you out, who got to be the reason you put on that dress, who got to see that smile meant for him tonight.
Dean’s chest felt tight, a slow, bitter realisation creeping in.
This wasn’t like all the other times.
You’d gone on dates before. He knew that. He’d teased you about them, had even tossed out protective big-brother-ish warnings to guys who had no clue the words felt foreign in his mouth. But he’d never felt anything about it before.
Not like this.
Not like his chest was caving in.
Not like a bitter, ugly heat was curling around his ribs, settling deep into his bones.
Not like he wanted to throw his jacket back on and hunt down ‘Gary from marketing’ and make damn sure he knew he wasn’t good enough for you.
His hands curled into fists at his sides.
"Right." His voice was quieter than he meant it to be, rough around the edges as he forced the word past the lump in his throat.
He watched as you did one last check in the mirror by the door, smoothing your hands down your dress, adjusting your lipstick in a way that made his stomach tighten even more. You looked excited.
Dean clenched his jaw.
And just like that, the jealousy settled deep in his bones, hot and unyielding.
He didn’t want to picture it—you laughing at some stupid joke Gary made over dinner, Gary sliding his hand over yours, maybe leaning in close at the end of the night, lips hovering over yours.
But the thoughts came anyway.
And it wrecked him.
You shot him one last glance, oblivious to the storm raging inside of him. "Don’t wait up, Winchester."
And with that, you were gone.
Dean stood there for a long moment, staring at the closed door.
His chest felt tight. And then the bitter realisation hit him.
His friends had been right.
Dean couldn’t sleep.
For the past two hours, he had been tossing and turning, alternating between staring at the ceiling and squeezing his eyes shut, willing sleep to come. It never did.
How the hell could he sleep when his mind was torturing him with images of you—with Gary?
His stomach churned uncomfortably at the thought of it, bile rising in his throat. His mind painted vivid, unwanted pictures: Gary’s hands on you, his lips on your skin, your soft laughter, the way you might be looking at him right now—the way you should be looking at Dean.
He clenched his jaw, shaking his head as if it would shake the thoughts loose. It didn’t.
With a frustrated exhale, Dean sat up, rubbing a hand down his face. This was pointless.
There was no way in hell he was going to get any rest like this, not with his heart pounding and his mind running laps. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood, stretching his sore muscles before making his way into the living room.
His feet carried him straight to the kitchen, to the cabinet under the sink where he kept a bottle of whiskey for special occasions.
This qualified.
He poured himself a shot and downed it in one go, barely wincing at the burn as it slid down his throat. The second one went down just as easily, a bitter warmth settling in his chest, but it didn’t quiet the storm in his head the way he hoped it would.
His eyes flicked toward the clock on the microwave.
1:37 AM.
You were still out.
Another shot. Another slow burn in his chest.
Dean knew he had no right to be this worked up about it. He wasn’t your boyfriend. He wasn’t anything to you except your best friend—your roommate. That was the problem.
He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling hard.
When the hell did everything get so complicated?
It wasn’t just the dream. Sure, it cracked something open in him, but if he was honest with himself, there had always been something simmering underneath. He could see it now—in the way his past relationships never worked out, how no one else ever seemed enough because in the back of his mind, he was always comparing them to you. The way he told you things he didn’t tell anyone, not even his own mother.
Seventeen years.
You had been in his life for seventeen years. That was longer than most marriages.
Damn, he really was an idiot. How could he have been so blind to it, so ignorant to what was staring him right in the face the whole time?
Then, he heard it.
The distinct jingle of keys outside the door, followed by a clumsy, muffled “shit" breaking him out of his reverie.
Dean sighed, setting his glass down before pushing off from the counter. He made his way to the door just as he heard another "fuck", then a quiet thud—like something hitting the floor.
Through the peephole, he spotted you crouched down, fumbling for your keys, struggling to fit them into the lock.
You were clearly drunk.
Dean shook his head with a smirk, unlocking the door from his side just as you managed to steady yourself, one hand braced against the door handle. The moment he pulled it open, you stumbled forward, nearly toppling over—until his arms caught you.
You crashed into his chest with a soft “Hmph.”
Dean's arms instinctively wrapped around you, holding you up as you melted against him, giggling into his shirt. The scent of alcohol clung to you, a mix of whiskey and whatever fruity drink you had been sipping on all night.
“Jesus." You huffed, pushing off him, though you wobbled as you tried to find your footing. Dean kept his hands out, ready to catch you again if needed.
"You good, sweetheart?" He asked, raising a brow as he took in your dazed smile and glassy eyes.
You grinned up at him, your expression pure blissed-out drunkenness. "I'm just perfect, Dean’o."
Dean smirked at the nickname, but before he could say anything, you reached up and grasped his jaw between your thumb and fingers, squishing his cheeks slightly.
“Okay, alright—enough of that.” He groaned, peeling your hand away. You didn’t seem to realise your own strength at the moment, and if you squeezed any harder, you were gonna leave a dent in his damn face.
You blinked up at him, wide-eyed, before your attention drifted over his shoulder. Then your expression dropped into something heartbreakingly close to a pout.
“Awww,” you whined. “You’re drinking without me?”
You sounded genuinely upset, your lower lip pushing out in an exaggerated fashion. Before Dean could respond, you made a clumsy grab for the bottle on the counter.
But Dean was quicker.
Before your fingers could wrap around the neck of the whiskey bottle, his hand closed over yours, pulling it away with ease. “Yeah, no. You’ve had enough,” he said firmly, setting the bottle behind him and out of reach.
You frowned up at him, your brows knitting together like a scolded child. “You’re no fun.”
Dean smirked, amused at how downright grumpy you looked, like a kid being denied dessert. He leaned against the counter, arms crossed. “You need some water, sweetheart. Not more booze.”
You huffed dramatically, crossing your arms over your chest. “I don’t want water, I want whiskey.”
“Tough,” Dean said, already turning to grab a glass from the cabinet. “You’re getting water.”
Your pout deepened as he filled the glass from the tap, sliding it toward you. You eyed it like it personally offended you before reluctantly picking it up and taking a sip—your way of conceding to his demand, albeit with an exaggerated sigh.
Dean chuckled, shaking his head. You were something else.
Once you were distracted with your water, he leaned against the counter again, crossing his arms over his chest. He could still feel the tension coiling in his gut, the jealousy he’d been drowning in all night, and he couldn’t hold it back any longer.
“So,” he started, keeping his tone casual, but his fingers clenched against his biceps. “How was it?”
You blinked up at him, confused. “How was what?”
Dean gave you a look. “Your date.”
At that, you scoffed, setting your glass down with a little more force than necessary. “Oh, that.” You waved a hand dismissively. “It was awful.”
Dean raised an eyebrow, surprised by how quickly you admitted it. He’d expected you to defend the guy, maybe try to convince yourself it had been a good time. But no—just flat-out awful.
“Yeah?” He prompted, keeping his voice even, but he could already feel his chest loosening just a little.
You leaned against the counter, your drunken state making you extra expressive as you talked with your hands. “First of all, the guy is so uptight. Like, I swear, he’s never laughed in his life. I tried joking around, and he just blinked at me like I was speaking another language.”
Dean snorted, already picturing it.
“And then,” you continued, eyes wide with disbelief, “all he did was talk about himself. Nonstop. Like, dude, I asked him one question—one—about his job, and suddenly I was stuck in a TED Talk about marketing strategies. Like I don’t work for the same company.” You threw your arms out in a ‘are you kidding me’ gesture.
Dean chuckled, shaking his head. “Sounds like a real winner.”
“Oh, it gets worse,” you said, holding up a finger. “So, we order food, right? And I get a cheeseburger, because, you know, I wanted a damn cheeseburger.”
Dean nodded approvingly. “Good choice.”
“Right?” You gestured wildly, as if proving your point. “But Gary—freaking Gary—looks at me and goes, ‘Are you sure you wanna eat that? You should really watch your figure.’”
Dean froze. His smirk disappeared.
For a moment, he just stared at you, like he couldn’t believe the words had actually come out of your mouth.
Then his expression darkened, jaw tightening. “Tell me you’re kidding.”
You rolled your eyes. “I wish.”
Dean’s grip on his bicep tightened, his teeth grinding together. That prick. He had known from the start that Gary was a tool, but this? This was another level.
“So,” you continued, a mischievous glint in your eye, “I did what any rational, level-headed woman would do in that situation.”
Dean arched a brow. “And that was?”
You grinned, leaning in like you were about to tell him a secret. “I threw my drink in his face and left.”
Dean stared at you for a beat, then—He laughed.
A deep, genuine laugh that rumbled in his chest as pride swelled in him. “No shit?”
“No shit.” You grinned, clearly pleased with yourself. “Right in his smug, stupid, judgy face.”
Dean shook his head, chuckling. That’s my girl, he thought, though he would never say it out loud.
“But instead of coming straight home,” you continued, twirling your glass of water between your fingers, “I didn’t wanna deal with your I told you so—”
Dean smirked. “I would’ve said it.”
You shot him a look. “—so, I went to the Roadhouse instead. Had a few drinks, bitched about my failed date to Jo and Ellen. Ellen cut me off and called me a cab.” Dean huffed. That sounded about right.
For a moment, he just watched you, taking in the way you had perked up again, the lingering frustration in your eyes slowly melting into something softer.
You were here.
Not out with Gary. Not waking up next to some guy who didn’t deserve you. Not letting some self-important idiot tell you who you should be.
You were home. With him.
And as much as he wanted to tell you that he had been losing his damn mind all night, picturing you with someone else—he didn’t.
Instead, he leaned against the counter, arms still crossed, and smirked.
"Well," Dean said, tilting his head with a smirk. "At least you got a good story out of it."
"Yeah, I guess." You hummed, swirling the water in your glass. The initial amusement faded as your shoulders dropped slightly. Dean caught the shift immediately, his brows pulling together.
"C’mon, you can’t really be cut up about a guy with an Edward Scissor-hands haircut and zero game." He teased, hoping to pull you out of whatever downward spiral you were heading into.
It worked—your laughter bubbled out, a full, belly-deep laugh that made the tension in his chest ease. But then you sighed, the sound quieter this time, more pensive. "It’s not him I’m cut up about."
Dean watched you carefully as you traced the rim of your glass with your finger. "I just feel like I can never meet a good guy."
Something inside him twisted.
What about me?
The thought came unbidden, sharp and intrusive, and he shoved it down before it could take root. Instead, he nudged you with his elbow.
"That’s not true." His voice was lighter now, teasing again. "What about Mikey? The guy with the lisp?"
His grin widened as he mimicked a lisp, knowing damn well you’d dated the guy for barely two months in your sophomore year before his clinginess drove you up the wall. The look of horror that crossed your face had him biting back a laugh.
"Oh my God, Dean!" You gawked at him before landing a solid punch to his arm. "That is so mean!"
"Ow," he complained through his laughter, rubbing the spot you hit. "I’m serious, though! He was a real sweetheart.” He exaggerated the lisp again, barely dodging your next swing.
"I swear to God��" You huffed, turning to stomp off, but before you could escape, he caught your arm gently.
"Okay, okay, I’m done. Scouts honour." He held up three fingers in a mock solemn gesture.
You gave him a look—like you absolutely did not believe him—but still, with a huff, you reclaimed your spot opposite him and took another sip of water.
Then, almost absentmindedly, you sighed. "I mean, it has been a long time."
Dean’s brow furrowed. "A long time since what?"
You hesitated for a brief second before shrugging your shoulders, brushing it off like it wasn’t a big deal. "Since I’ve had sex."
Dean choked on his own damn saliva.
You frowned in concern, but he quickly waved you off, reaching for his whiskey to cover up the way his throat had suddenly gone dry.
You leaned back against the counter, lost in thought, completely oblivious to the war you’d just started in his head.
"I just—I don’t even need romance, you know?" You shrugged. "At this point, I’d settle for a little fun. I even bought new lingerie for tonight, just in case, and now"— you gestured vaguely to yourself, "totally wasted."
Dean swallowed—hard.
His mind was already in dangerous territory, but now it plummeted straight into the gutter.
You’d bought lingerie? For tonight?
His gaze instinctively flicked down for half a second before he caught himself, before he could let himself really think about what you were implying. Because if you had planned for tonight—if you were wearing it right now—
God help him.
The image hit him like a freight train. You, laid out in something lacey and delicate, something sheer enough to tease but not reveal, maybe even those crotchless panties you’d pointed out the other day in that damn store—his stomach twisted, his fingers curling around his glass with a little too much force.
And the worst part? Some other guy was supposed to see you like that tonight.
That thought sent something hot and possessive burning through his veins.
Dean exhaled sharply, gripping the back of his neck as he forced his gaze anywhere but at you.
"Gary didn’t deserve to see you like that." The words left his mouth before he could stop them, his voice lower than before.
You scoffed. "Yeah, well, no one else is seeing it either, so it really doesn’t matter."
It matters to me.
Dean forced himself to take another sip of whiskey, as if that would drown out the thoughts swimming in his head.
With a stretch and a yawn, you set your empty glass down and pushed off the counter. "Alright, I’m gonna head to bed. Thanks for making me drink water, Mom." You teased, because Dean was always more like a mother hen than a strict father.
Dean smirked, watching as you stepped closer. He expected you to give him a casual pat on the arm or maybe ruffle his hair like you sometimes did when you were feeling particularly annoying.
Instead, you leaned up on your toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
Or, at least, that’s where it was meant to land.
At the last second, whether it was the whiskey in your system or just bad aim, your lips caught the corner of his mouth.
You gasped softly, your breath fanning over his lips, and then you giggled. "Shit—sorry."
Dean didn’t move. Couldn’t.
Because you were still right there, inches away, your body just barely brushing his, your eyes flicking down to his lips.
Something in the air shifted.
The easy playfulness between you dissolved into something else—something warm and electric, something that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.
Your smile faded, lips parting slightly as you lingered, hesitating just a second longer than necessary.
Then, before he could say a damn thing, before he could even think—
You leaned in again.
And this time, you kissed him.
It was soft at first, hesitant, your lips pressing against his in a way that felt like a question. Like you were giving him the chance to pull away, to stop this before it could turn into something neither of you could take back.
Dean’s entire body locked up. His mind screamed at him to push you away, to remind you that you’d been drinking, that this was just a moment of drunken impulse, that tomorrow you might regret this.
But then you pressed in closer, deepening the kiss, your fingers skimming up his arm, and his resolve shattered.
A low, quiet sound rumbled in his throat as he gave in. Completely.
His hands found your waist, gripping tight, pulling you against him as he kissed you back. And not just kissed you—devoured you. All the tension from the past few days, all the frustration, the longing, the confusion—it poured out of him like a damn breaking.
Your lips were warm, soft, intoxicating in a way no drink could ever compare to. He let himself get lost in it, let himself feel it—how perfect you felt against him, how natural this was, like it had been inevitable all along.
You sighed against his mouth, your fingers sliding up into his hair, and Dean groaned, tilting his head to deepen the kiss even further.
He didn’t know when his hands had moved, but now one was tangled in your hair, the other splayed against the small of your back, pressing you flush against him. And fuck, you felt good. Too good.
This was dangerous.
And when you finally pulled away, lips kiss-swollen and breaths unsteady, Dean couldn’t move. Couldn’t think. His heart pounded like a war drum; each beat a sharp, insistent reminder of the storm raging inside him.
He should say something. Do something. But every word he might’ve spoken tangled in his throat, choked by the weight of what had just happened.
“Woah,” you whispered, your voice barely more than breath. Your eyes flickered between his and his mouth, never quite settling, like you were just as caught in the moment as he was. Your cheeks were flushed, heat radiating from your skin, and the ghost of your breath still lingered against his lips, dizzying and sweet.
Dean didn’t move. Didn’t dare move. The air between you crackled, fragile and electric, holding him captive in a moment he wasn’t ready to break.
He was waiting for you. Like always.
Your breath ghosted against his lips, and that was all it took.
You kissed him again, this time with more heat, more purpose, fingers tangling into the front of his shirt as you pulled him in. Dean let out a rough sound—somewhere between a groan and a sigh—before his hands found your waist, gripping tight as he backed you up against the counter. The edge dug into your lower back, but you barely noticed, too caught up in the way he was pressing into you, solid and warm and overwhelming in the best way.
His hands slid down, grasping the backs of your thighs, and before you could fully process it, he lifted you effortlessly onto the countertop.
A surprised gasp left your lips, but Dean was already there, swallowing the sound as he kissed you again, deeper, slower, his fingers digging into your hips. You pulled him in, locking your legs around his waist, desperate to feel more of him, and his hands wandered—exploring the soft, bare skin of your thighs, gliding higher, pushing the hem of your dress up as he went.
He trailed kisses down your jaw, moving to your neck, and when his lips found that one spot—the spot—you let out a soft moan, your head tipping back instinctively.
Only to smack it straight into the cabinet behind you.
The entire moment shattered.
You winced, immediately bringing a hand to the back of your head. Dean jerked back, eyes wide with concern.
“Shit—are you okay?” He cupped your jaw, scanning your face for any sign of real pain.
For a second, you just blinked at him—then, out of nowhere, you started giggling.
Dean frowned, still searching your eyes, but when you kept laughing, it broke him. He snorted, shaking his head, then let out a deep, full-bodied chuckle, forehead dropping against your shoulder.
“Jesus, sweetheart.” He pulled back, still grinning, rubbing a hand down his face. “That’s gotta be a sign, right?”
You sighed dramatically. “That the universe hates me?”
Dean smirked, his hands settling on your hips. “That you’re not sober enough for this.” His answer was loaded, a heavy realisation for himself that you were in no state of mind to be making any rational decisions right now, and that he should've known better than to take advantage of that.
You pouted slightly, but you both knew he was right. Still, there was something soft in his expression as he helped you down, steadying you with warm hands on your waist. The moment your feet hit the ground, you swayed a little, still a bit disoriented.
Dean caught you instantly. “Okay, yeah. You need to lie down, sweetheart.”
You groaned but didn’t fight him as he led you to your room, making sure you didn’t trip over your own feet. Once you were settled, he disappeared briefly before returning with a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol, setting them on your nightstand.
“You’re a saint,” you mumbled, already sinking into the mattress.
Dean huffed a laugh. “Not quite. Just don’t want you becoming a pain in my ass in the morning when your head’s pounding.” He said as he helped pull off your shoes and settled you under the covers.
You cracked one eye open, looking at him with something unreadable, something soft. “Could never hate you, Dean.” You mumbled half asleep.
He looked at you, lingering for a second too long. Then stood, with a small exhale.
“Call me if you need anything.” He told you as he walked to the door. You hummed your acknowledgment, and with that, he left, shutting the door quietly behind him.
Dean barely made it to his own room before he collapsed onto the bed, dragging both hands down his face.
What the fuck just happened?
The feel of you, the taste of your lips—it was burned into him now, like some kind of cruel brand.
It was just a kiss. Just a few incredible, amazing kisses. But now he knew for sure, no one would ever compare now.
And that thought terrified him.
Because tomorrow, you might not even remember. And if you did, would you be embarrassed? Regret it? Or worse, hate him?
Dean stared up at the ceiling, jaw tight, mind racing.
Yeah. He was so fucked.
AN: There we have it folks, the first chapter! It was a long one 😅 I know, but I'd love to hear your thoughts/feedback etc ❤️
If you would like to be tagged in my future works please respond to this >form< so I can add you to the character's you'd like 😊
Dean Winchester/series Tag List:
@bettystonewell , @nancymcl , @happyfxckinghorrors , @ambiguous-avery @jollyhunter @tbgfvfdcb @crooked-haven @chevroletdean @paganvamp @stoneyggirl2 @deans-baby-momma @spnaquakindgdom @ladykitana90 @lyarr24 , @impala67rollingthroughtown @jackles010378 @riteofpassage77 @spnaquakindgdom
Next Time...
Your breath hitched, but you forced yourself to stay still. No sudden movements, no giving anything away. But then your gaze betrayed you—just for a second, barely a flicker—dipping down to his mouth. Shit. Because now you could feel it again. The way he kissed you, rough but deliberate, like he had wanted it. The taste of whiskey, the heat of his hands, the way his fingers had curled into your hips like he was holding on for dear life. Dean cleared his throat. Stepped back. "I’m gonna head to the store," he said, too casual. It took a second for the words to register. "Oh. Yeah, okay." He hesitated—like he might ask you to come with him—but then he smirked instead, lips twitching. "Would’ve invited you, but, uh… You kinda look like the walking dead. Don’t want you cramping my style.” Your head shot up, glare locked and loaded. "Ass." Dean just grinned. "Try not to die while I’m gone." Then he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him. The silence that followed was deafening. Your fingers tightened around the coffee mug as you exhaled, long and slow, staring at the door like it might offer some kind of answer. Yeah. You were so screwed.
141 notes
·
View notes
Text
Trying to think of what sea animal Fabian’s selkie form would be (I said seal in my first post mainly cuz I wasn’t sure if they could be other animals at that point my selkie lore is pretty rusty) I feel like shark would be appropriate for Fabian specifically but also if he inherited it from Hallariel I feel like hers would be more like graceful or something? Idk any ideas
#I think like at the core mythology selkies are always seals but more modern versions have variations#mainly to make them cooler I think is the general consensus#also I’m pretty sure they were originally just stuck to one form or the other but as time went on people starting depicting them as#kinda mermaidy with their tails from time to time (but still able to be fully human when they want)#for shits and giggles one must imagine narwhal Fabian. or sea otter Fabian.#what would be more surprising a fairy a walrus or a walrus selkie Fabian Aramais Seacaster#I think I would just keep them as seals just keep things less complicated#although if I do end up writing something for this au I would like to include other selkie animal variations#*slams fist on table* it’s my au and i get to decide the lore!#autism (mads) speaks#fabian seacaster#fabian aramais seacaster#selkie!fabian au
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I didn’t mean to have so much to say about this but wow do I!!!!
Lots of people say they love domestic spencer reid but I don’t think they love domestic spencer reid like EYEEE love domestic Spencer Reid. Because I love domestic spencer reid where he’s doing nothing. Or he’s being kind of….. not an asshole but…… where it becomes clear that he’s just dealing with his own shit and he’s a flawed person and then I love domestic Spencer Reid where he’s dealing with his own shit and he’s a flawed person but he can still say I’m sorry!!! And they can hug and it’s okay because loving someone requires being close enough to sometimes hurt them!!!! And the realism of this kind of fic just fills me w so much joy like THISSSS is what I want from tumblr dot com I LOVEE the meditative fics where nothing crazy happens and the plot comes from the authors understanding of rich interpersonal relationships!!!! I love!!!!
This was also beautifully beautifully written like a breath of fresh air wow I truly am so lucky to get to read work from such talented people thank you for writing this and thank you for sharing it with us!!
So anyway here are the lines that jumped out at me. There is really no rhyme or reason, I tend to extra love lines that are a little philosophical and ponderous about human connection and boy was this full of that!! I am not a literary critic I am just a girl full of thoughts
You wonder if this moment is real, or if it is something you are inventing to survive.
I just think this is an jarringly astute and concise observation of something we as humans do all the time in relationships and again there is nothing I love more than an observation about human connection that I can point at and go MEEEE I UNDERSTAND THAT I KNOW HOW IT FEELS!!!! It’s very exciting to me!!
Or maybe you are lying to yourself, pretending love is something you can bear no matter how heavy it gets.
This to me was a kind of honesty most fanfic lacks and obviously most fanfic is supposed to be optimistic and perfect and reflect the readers desires back to them but quite frankly to me it hits harder when there is this subtle kind of interpersonal angst and strife that is something we can feel and recognize within ourselves it makes it easier for me to actually connect to the fic. Rather than watching it like a movie I can recognize this kind of sentiment and it’s far more immersive to me and therefore a lot more fulfilling and rewarding and interesting to read
Maybe that’s the point of all of this—not two people standing side by side, but two people learning how to take up the same space, how to move around each other without losing themselves in the process.
YEAH MAYBE THAT IS THE POINT!!! THE POINT OF EVERYTHING!!! THE POINT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! This to me is just beautiful and very succinctly summarizes something I’ve been working on and will probably continue to work on for the rest of my life and I think really the whole point of love and the lesson most people need to learn!!!! Once again I like my fluffy fanfic tempered w this kind of realism!! It adds so much texture
"Oh, lovely. I've got you, it's me. I'm here, I've got you," whispered reassurances pressed into your hair, your ear, your cheek, as he moves.
No yeah actually this IS the sexiest thing a man could possible say or do!! Like care and pay attention and be present and observant!!! I won’t even be talking about this because I love it too much to dissect it
Anyways this is maybe making me look crazy I just haven’t been engaged with fanfic very much recently and I did not go into this with the intention of having anything to say about it afterward but to my own personal deep surprise was so motivated to!! And it was so beautiful and so lovely I had to say something. Pls excuse if I’ve gone overboard!! This is just such a good example of fanfic at its absolute best to me like this is what it’s forrrr this is what I wanttttt!!!! Thank you for writing thank you for posting beautiful
mouthful of sunlight (18+)
Some nights, Spencer can’t sleep. His mind runs too fast, too far, tangled in cases, in horrors he can’t unsee. But in the quiet of morning, wrapped in the hush of young sunlight, he finds solace in you—the warmth of your breath, the slow, steady rhythm of your fingers tracing his skin. The comfort is fleeting; distance is inevitable. His absence lingers in the empty side of the bed, in unfinished cups of coffee, in the soft weight of his sweater draped over your shoulders. But when he returns—exhausted, unraveling—you stitch him back together with soft reassurances, gentle hands, and the familiar ease of laughter. warnings: sexual content (who tf am I), very very wordy, mentions of a cannon-typical case, longing, some angst if you squint, mostly reader and spencer being lovesick fools wc: 7.6k
You wake to the sound of rain, soft against the windowpane. The sheets are warm, tangled around your limbs, heavy with the scent of sleep and him. Faint traces of his cologne linger in the cotton, something clean and quiet, the ghost of him woven into the fabric.
Spencer is still asleep beside you.
You turn your head, slow, deliberate - shifting too fast might startle him awake. And there he is, curled into the pillow, his body half-buried beneath the blankets, face softened by the hush of morning. His breath moves through the space between you in slow, measured exhales, lips parted slightly, lashes resting against his cheekbone.
You could spend lifetimes watching him like this.
The curve of his mouth, the way his curls press against his forehead, the fine lines at the corners of his eyes—the ones you're not sure he knows about yet. You think the mentioning of them would send him into a spiral about aging and lost time but you love their presence. It reminds you of how he's laughed with you in the past, their arrival a notion of his genuine joy. The body keeps score in freckles and scars, and time can be found in the weight of sleepless nights and too many days spent carrying more than he should.
In sleep, he is weightless. The tension he wears so often—creased brows, tight shoulders, fingers restless against his knee—has melted away, leaving only the quiet.
You reach for him before you can think of it, fingers trailing over the ridge of his knuckles where his hand rests on the pillow between you. His skin is warm, his palm lax, open. He doesn't stir so you let yourself press further, sliding your fingertips up the length of his wrist, feeling the slow pulse beneath his skin.
Spencer Reid is always thinking. Always calculating, always predicting, always existing a step ahead, untethered from the present moment.
But, right now, wrapped in the hush of morning, doused in soft rainlight, he belongs here. With you.
The thought is terrifying in its simplicity.
You swallow, pressing your fingers a little firmer against his wrist, grounding yourself in the proof of him. His pulse beats steady against your touch, and you let it lull you, let yourself fall into its rhythm.
Spencer stirs beneath your touch, just the faintest twitch of his fingers against the pillow.
You go still.
A part of you—the part still tangled in hesitation, in old wounds and old fears—worries he’ll wake, that he’ll blink at you with those sharp, knowing eyes and startle away the calm you've fostered. You love Spencer, asleep or awake, but the peacefulness of this moment is something to be cherished. You want to watch him more, to exist in this lulling moment between seconds where life doesn't matter.
He doesn't wake, though, and instead, he shifts closer, instinctive, unconscious. The space between you vanishes, his breath warming your collarbone, his hand brushing against your arm where it lies between you. He is reaching for you without realizing it, drawn in like something inevitable.
And god, that does something to you.
You exhale, slow, careful, and let yourself watch him again, let yourself sink into the quiet reverence of it.
The morning light has stretched further now, slanting through the window, gliding through the messy sprawl of his hair. He is all sleep-heavy limbs, the weight of him pressing into the mattress in a way that drags you forward, leaning against him.
Flesh and bone, heartbeat and heat.
He is here. He is yours.
The way he leans into you even in sleep, the way his fingers twitch like they are searching for yours, even now. The way his body gives him away, whispering the things his lips have not yet said.
You cannot be careless with this. With him. But before the weight of it can settle too deeply into your chest, before you can let yourself spiral, Spencer shifts again—his breath catching, his brow furrowing just slightly, lashes fluttering against his cheeks.
You barely have time to think before his eyes blink open, slow and heavy-lidded, thick with sleep.
It takes a moment, his hazy eyes focusing and unfocusing. Still, he sees you. Not just looks, not just registers your presence; he sees you.
His lips part slightly, and for a moment, he only stares, like his mind is still catching up, like he’s still tethered somewhere between dreaming and waking. Blinking like he's not sure if you're a dream. Likely, everything is clouded by sleepy eyes and fading memories of dreams.
Then, his voice, quiet, still wrapped in the softness of sleep, “Morning.”
You don’t trust yourself to speak, so you do the only thing you can—you lift your hand, still resting near his wrist, and press your fingers over his pulse once more. A quiet confirmation. A tethering.
Spencer exhales, slow, deliberate, and then he turns his hand, just slightly, just enough, so that his palm meets yours.
His fingers curl between yours, and you feel it—the certainty, the weight of something unspoken settling between your ribs.
There is morning, and then there is night.
There is sunlight spilling over Spencer’s sleeping form, gilding his cheekbones, illuminating the curve of his mouth. And then there is the stark contrast of shadow—of sterile hotel rooms, of the sharp, artificial glow of a bedside lamp casting his face in harsh relief.
His fingers, curled loosely around yours in the golden hush of morning, become hands gripping the edge of a desk, knuckles white, trembling with exhaustion. His voice, soft and thick with sleep, morphs into something raw, something fraying at the edges.
"I don’t know how to turn it off."
It takes you a moment to realize what he means.
He’s still in his suit, the fabric rumpled, the scent of cheap motel soap clinging to his skin. There’s a stack of case files beside him, a half-empty cup of coffee that’s long since gone cold. He doesn’t meet your gaze, just stares down at his hands, fingers twitching like they’re desperate for something to hold onto.
"Spencer."
Your voice is quiet, hesitant, as if anything louder might shatter him completely.
"Come to bed."
He shakes his head, exhales sharply, dragging a hand through his hair.
"I can’t."
A fight, sharp and cutting. His voice raised, your hands clenched into fists at your sides.
"You don’t get it," he snaps, voice raw, eyes burning. "You don’t know what it’s like to have a mind that never fucking stops—"
"I do," you interrupt, and the way he flinches makes your chest ache.
A pause.
Silence stretching between you like a wound torn open, bleeding into the space between your feet.
Spencer exhales, shakily, and when he speaks again, his voice is barely above a whisper.
"Then why do you keep trying to fix me?"
And there it is.
The knife twisting.
You inhale, but the breath never quite fills your lungs.
The thing is—you don’t want to fix him.
You just want him to rest.
To sleep without nightmares. To let you hold him without feeling like he has to apologize for the weight of his existence. To believe, even for a second, that he doesn’t have to earn the space he takes up.
But you don’t know how to say that in a way that won’t turn into another wound, another reason for him to step back, to pull away.
So instead, you say nothing.
"Fuck. I'm sorry." And it's that simple, really.
Sorry, arms finding each other, whispers of "I know" pressed into necks and soft conversations easing racing minds.
Spencer can't stop the relentless chase of the case in his mind. You can't stop the constant overthinking of being enough, of your body, of desires edging into too much.
Morning. Again.
Spencer, golden in the dawn, the soft breath of sleep still heavy in his lungs. Your fingers ghost over the ridges of his knuckles, tracing the delicate architecture of him, the places where bones knit together beneath skin. Flesh and blood. A body, human and whole.
Then, blood, dark and seeping through the gaps in his fingers, staining his cuffs. Not his blood. Someone else’s. A case. A mistake. A man who didn’t survive the night.
His hands shake as he scrubs them raw in the motel sink, crimson swirling down the drain, his breath coming too fast, chest rising and falling like he’s drowning, like he can feel it slipping between his fingers, the weight of every life he couldn’t save.
You touch his shoulder, and he flinches.
Time lurches.
His head on your lap, hours later. His hair damp, fingers curled weakly in the fabric of your shirt, like holding onto you is the only thing tethering him to the present.
"I don’t know how much more of this I can take."
Morning.
Back in your bed, the light different now, stretched across the sheets in delicate bands. You can’t tell if you’re awake or dreaming.
You wonder if this moment is real, or if it is something you are inventing to survive.
Spencer shifts beside you, a quiet sigh escaping him, and you watch, desperate to memorize the shape of him here, untouched by grief, by the heaviness of what he carries.
You want to wake up to this every morning.
But the truth is, you don’t.
You wake up to the version of him that drinks too much coffee, to the one who is always looking at things that aren’t there, playing scenarios in his head like a film reel stuck on loop. You wake up to the version of him that gets lost in thought mid-conversation, who chews at his nails until they bleed, who flinches awake from dreams he won’t tell you about.
And you love him anyway.
Maybe because of it.
Or maybe you are lying to yourself, pretending love is something you can bear no matter how heavy it gets.
Mornings like this, where he sleeps beside you, still and warm and untouched by the weight of the world—stretch, slow and unhurried, slipping into the day like honey dissolving in warm tea.
Spencer moves through your apartment with the careful quiet of someone who knows how to exist in shared spaces—how to make himself at home without ever taking up too much of it. He is measured, gentle, a man who has spent too much of his life folding himself into small places, and yet, with you, he expands.
You watch him from where you stand at the kitchen counter, hands wrapped around a chipped ceramic mug, warmth seeping into your palms. The coffee is slightly too bitter, but you drink it anyway, because Spencer made it. Because he takes his with too much sugar and no milk, and you take yours with just a little, and the contrast is something you love.
The morning light catches in his hair as he moves about the kitchen, curling slightly at the ends where sleep left it unruly. He wears his clothes loose in the morning—his pajama pants low on his hips, his sweater slightly too big, slipping past his wrists when he reaches for things. He is soft here, unguarded in the way that makes your chest ache.
You don’t say anything when he hums under his breath, something classical, a song you don’t recognize but have heard him play before on nights when he lets the record spin long past midnight.
You don’t say anything when he pours his coffee with one hand and flips absentmindedly through the book he left on the counter with the other.
But you do say something when he starts reading aloud.
“You know, according to the Journal of Neuroscience, studies show that sleep inertia—”
“Spencer,” you interrupt, smiling into your mug.
He pauses, blinking at you, book still in hand. “What?”
You shake your head, setting your coffee down, stepping toward him until you can reach for the book, plucking it gently from his fingers. He lets you take it, watching as you slide it onto the counter behind you, clearing the space between you.
“We’re supposed to be waking up,” you murmur. “Not filling our brains with research before we’ve even eaten breakfast.”
Spencer tilts his head, eyes flickering over your face like he’s considering it. Then, his lips curve, slow and warm. “That’s how I do wake up.”
You roll your eyes, but there’s no bite to it. You both know that you love when Spencer rambles, miss it when he's gone, call him craving the sound of his voice when he's away on trips. “Come here.”
You reach for him, and he comes easily, stepping into the space you make for him, folding himself against you like he belongs there.
Maybe that’s the point of all of this—not two people standing side by side, but two people learning how to take up the same space, how to move around each other without losing themselves in the process.
Spencer exhales as you press your cheek to his shoulder, hands slipping around his waist, fingers curling into the soft fabric of his sweater. His arms come around you in return, slow and careful, pressing you against him like he knows exactly how to hold you.
The shape of each other, the cadence of shared breath, the quiet rhythm of a love that is not loud or fast or reckless, but something slow and deliberate.
Spencer is slow to let you go.
Even as you shift, even as you move to pull back, his fingers tighten just slightly at your waist, anchoring you there for a moment longer. You don’t resist. You let yourself be held, let yourself stay.
But then his stomach growls. Loudly.
You grin against his shoulder. “Well, that’s attractive.”
Spencer groans, burying his face in your neck. “I knew I should have eaten before I went to bed.”
You laugh, pressing your hands to his sides. “Come on, genius. Let’s get you some food before you start reading case files on malnutrition.”
He sighs, exaggerated, but finally steps back, rubbing a hand over his face as you turn toward the stove. “I do have a study on nutritional deficiencies and cognitive function bookmarked somewhere.”
You glance at him over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “You have studies bookmarked on everything.”
Spencer shrugs, completely unapologetic, and moves to lean against the counter beside you, watching as you pull out a frying pan. He doesn’t help—doesn’t even pretend to help—but he does reach for the bag of coffee grounds again, refilling your mug and his, making himself useful in the way he always does.
“You want eggs?” you ask, already cracking one against the rim of the pan.
He hums, peering into the fridge. “Only if you make them the way I like.”
“You mean, as you proclaimed the first time you stayed over, the right way?”
“Yes,” he says simply.
Neither of you mention how he burned them immediately after, distracted by kissing you in the early light filtering through the curtains of the kitchen window.
You huff, but it’s all affection, and he knows it.
Spencer doesn’t sit while you cook. He doesn’t retreat to the table or get lost in a book. He stays right here, a constant presence at your side, sipping his coffee, occasionally nudging your hip with his when you get too focused.
When you plate the food, he takes his with an approving nod. “See? Perfectly cooked.”
“They;re just scrambled, picky,” you tease, nudging him toward the kitchen table with your hip.
Spencer grins, mouth full of toast. “I have standards.”
You snort, setting your plate down across from him. “Oh, I know. That’s why you’re dating me.”
He swallows, takes a sip of coffee, and then, without missing a beat, says, “No, I’m dating you because I’m in love with you.”
Your breath catches.
He says it so easily.
No hesitation. No grand declaration. Just a fact, spoken between bites of breakfast, like it’s something he’s known for years.
You blink, lips parting slightly, and Spencer—Spencer, who notices everything—tilts his head, eyes softening.
“Hey,” he murmurs, reaching across the table, brushing his fingers against yours. “I didn’t mean to—”
“No,” you say quickly, shaking your head, covering his hand with yours. “No, I—I just—”
You exhale, glancing down at where your hands meet, at the gentle press of his fingers against yours. Then, quieter: “I love you, too.”
The corner of his mouth lifts, slow, small, but full of something deep, something certain.
“I know,” he murmurs, thumb tracing slow circles against your skin. “But I still like hearing it.”
And so you say it again, just for him.
Just because he likes hearing it.
“I love you.” Spencer smiles.
After breakfast, Spencer lingers at the table while you move about the apartment, rinsing dishes, wiping crumbs from the counter. It’s a soft sort of silence. When you pass by him, his hand brushes against your hip, absentminded but full of intent, a touch that says I know you’re here. I know you’re mine.
You catch his wrist, squeezing gently before letting go.
Neither of you speak as you make your way toward the bedroom, but Spencer follows, because of course he does. Because his place is beside you, moving with you, orbiting within the same small universe.
Inside, the morning light has stretched further across the bed, creeping in golden streaks over the fabric. The air is warm with the scent of sleep, of coffee, of him.
Spencer moves first, tugging his sweater over his head and tossing it onto the bed. His hair goes staticky, curls fluffed from the fabric, and you reach out instinctively, smoothing them back into place. He stills beneath your touch, the corners of his lips twitching.
“You’re going to make it worse,” he murmurs.
“Probably.” You grin, carding your fingers through the strands anyway, just for the sake of touching him.
Spencer huffs a laugh, but he doesn’t move away.
You let him slip his fingers beneath the hem of your shirt, lifting it over your head in one fluid motion. Let him reach for the zipper of your trousers, sliding it down with the same care you’d shown him.
There’s nothing rushed about it.
Nothing frantic, nothing heated. Just this. Just hands smoothing over fabric, fingers brushing against skin in passing, the quiet, unspoken promise of I know you. I love you. Let me show you.
Spencer tilts his head, gaze flickering down, not to your lips, but to the hollow of your throat, where your pulse flutters beneath your skin. He watches it like a scholar studying something precious like he’s measuring the exact rhythm of you, the precise way you exist in this moment.
And then, with all the patience in the world, he leans in.
Not rushed. Not desperate. Like he has all the time in the world to memorize you.
His lips brush your jaw first—so soft it could almost be nothing, just a breath, just a thought of touch. Then, lower, trailing warmth along the delicate line of your neck, the curve of your shoulder.
Your fingers find his wrists, not to stop him, but to hold him there, to feel the heat of him seeping into your skin.
You shift—not much, just enough to press closer, enough to let your forehead rest against his, enough to let his breath mingle with yours.
His hands slide higher, fingertips grazing the curve of your ribs, the warmth of his palms bleeding through the fabric like sunlight through frosted glass.
Like he understands, without either of you saying it, that this is the sacred part. Not the wanting, not even the having, but the holding. The staying.
He presses his lips to your temple, soft and sure, and you feel it—the weight of love settling between your ribs, deep and real.
“I want you,” he murmurs, voice low, full of something aching.
You shudder, your fingers tightening around his wrists. “You have me,” you whisper.
Spencer swallows, pressing his forehead against yours again, his hands gripping you just a little tighter as he breathes you in.
You feel his adoration in the way he moves—hesitant, reverent. Like he’s unraveling you thread by thread, pulling you apart just to piece you back together in the way only he knows how.
His fingers ghost over the curve of your waist, not grasping, not pulling, just feeling.
Your breath catches when he finally presses closer, the full weight of him sinking into you, a slow collapse into something inevitable. His body is warm, radiating heat like a fever, like a star burning too close to your skin. You curl your fingers into the fabric of his shirt, twisting it tight in your grip, grounding yourself in the weight of him.
He exhales against your jaw, warm and unsteady.
“Look at me,” he murmurs.
You do.
And god, it’s unbearable—the way his eyes search yours, wide and dark and pleading.
His breath stutters when you reach up, cradling his face in your hands, fingertips skimming the sharp angle of his cheekbone. He leans into your touch like it’s instinct, his lashes fluttering, his lips parting slightly, his chest rising and falling in time with yours.
“Spencer,” you whisper, his name slipping from your lips like a prayer.
He answers you with a kiss.
Not rushed, not desperate. His lips move against yours, unhurried but insistent, a careful exploration, a patient claiming. His nose brushes yours, his breath mingling with yours, the quiet sounds of longing pressing into the spaces between you.
You sigh into his mouth, and he shudders, his fingers tightening against your ribs.
“Again,” he whispers.
So you kiss him again. And again. And again.
Until the space between you is nothing, until your bodies are tangled in sheets and sighs and whispered names, until everything is breath and warmth and wanting.
His hands find yours, fingers threading together, clinging, pressing, grounding. His forehead rests against yours, his breath uneven, his body trembling with the weight of this.
“I want you,” he whispers, voice wrecked, shaking, repeating himself.
You tighten your grip on his hands, pulling him closer. “I know,” you breathe. “I know.”
And when he moves again, when his lips find yours with a new kind of urgency, you know—you feel it in your bones—this isn’t just wanting. It’s everything.
Spencer kisses you like he’s searching for something.
Like the answer to every unsolvable equation is pressed between your lips, tucked beneath your tongue, hidden in the soft give of your sighs.
And you let him.
Because you know this—this rhythm, this language you’ve built together. The slow pull of hands over fabric, the careful way he unravels you. The heat that grows between you, steady and unrelenting, like a pot left to boil over.
Spencer exhales sharply when your fingers find the sharp ridge of his collarbone. You press your lips there, breathing him in, and he shivers.
Spencer is reaching for you again, already fitting his hands to the curve of your back, already tilting his head to press open-mouthed kisses to your shoulder, your throat, the place just beneath your ear that makes you sigh.
“We’re going to be late,” you murmur, though you don’t mean it.
Spencer hums, his lips still pressed against your skin. “I don’t care.”
You laugh—a breathy, delighted sound that he swallows with his next kiss, his hands smoothing over your ribs, pressing warmth into your skin.
His trousers slide lower on his hips, and he makes a sound—low, breathless, almost dazed.
And then—“I’m sorry,” he murmurs suddenly, against the corner of your mouth.
You blink, pulse stuttering. “For what?”
“For all the times I haven’t been here.” His fingers tighten at your waist, like he’s grounding himself in the weight of you, in the proof that you are here. “For leaving. For missing too much. For—”
You don’t let him finish.
You press your lips to his, pouring everything into it—forgiveness, love, understanding.
When you break apart, your voice is quiet but sure. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
Spencer exhales, shaky and relieved, and then—
Then he laughs, something soft and breathless, because you’ve pushed his trousers past his hips and now they’re tangled around his ankles, and it’s clumsy, and it’s human, and neither of you can bring yourselves to care.
Your own clothes follow, piece by piece, scattered and forgotten, because this is more important.
Spencer is warm everywhere, all golden skin and careful hands and parted lips. He hovers over you, his breath fanning over your cheek, his fingers tracing slow, reverent paths down your arms, your sides, like he’s still memorizing you.
And when you reach for him, guiding him closer, pulling him in, he exhales a sound—soft, broken, something like ah, like yes, like finally.
You sigh into him, arching, meeting him where he waits, and the warmth between you turns molten, turns necessary.
Spencer presses his forehead to yours, his breath uneven, his fingers twining with yours in the sheets.
“I love you,” he whispers.
And you—You're lost in the heat, the smell of him. The gentle movement as there's nothing left but you and him and him and him.
"Ah, Spencer," you breathe, and he shushes you.
"I know, I know."
It's quiet, it's breathy laughs, it's warmth building building buildig until something cracks - it has to, it's necessary, it's perfect and lovely and hot honey dripping down your thighs to gather into something greater, something perfect, something more.
It should be impossible, the way you fit together.
Like something sculpted by hands that knew what they were doing, shaping flesh and bone with deliberate care, pressing you into each other until there is no separation, no beginning or end. A seamless thing. Thread looping over itself, over and over and over into infinity. Until it cannot be separated from itself, until it is one ball of mass and moving and friction.
Heat and pressure and warmth build into something more, more more. Spencer is calling your name as if you are lost, you're grasping his back to remind him you're right here.
He tumbles and you're stuck on the edge, unable to follow. It's a brilliant thing, watching him. Eyes screwed shut, tightly. Breath coming out in spurts and spasms. Love, love, love. Pouring out of him and into you.
It's warm, so so warm, and nearly enough to send you to the place of glass shattering and pleasure fluttering and complete unity.
It isn't until Spencer's hips are faltering that he notices you there, hanging on the precipice of masterpieces yet unknown.
"Oh, lovely. I've got you, it's me. I'm here, I've got you," whispered reassurances pressed into your hair, your ear, your cheek, as he moves.
And you fall after him, tumbling down into something safe and known and foreign and unlearnable.
When you clatter back onto Earth, Spencer is warm against you, chest rising and falling in the slow, steady rhythm of shared breath. His fingers—long, elegant, familiar—trace mindless patterns against your arm, mapping you the way he memorizes pages, theories, entire histories. As if you are something to be learned, something to be understood.
As if he hasn’t already written you into the marrow of his bones.
Your limbs are tangled in the sheets, in each other, some quiet aftershock of connection humming between your skin. He shifts, pressing a lazy kiss to your temple, the edge of your jaw, the corner of your lips, his breath still heavy with you.
Whole. Uninterrupted.
Until—
A loud grumble splits the silence, echoing off the walls.
Spencer stills.
You blink.
And then—
Your stomach rumbles again, louder this time, an undignified protest against your distraction.
Spencer bursts into laughter.
It’s warm, breathless, human, cracking through the solemn weight of the moment like lightning through a storm. He drops his head against your shoulder, shaking with it, his entire body vibrating with amusement.
“Oh my God,” you groan, covering your face with your hands.
Spencer’s still laughing when he rolls onto his back, his hand dragging down his face as he tries to compose himself. He fails, utterly, letting out another breathy chuckle before turning his head to look at you.
“I’m sorry,” he says between soft huffs of breath, his eyes bright with mirth. “It was just—so poetic, so profound—and then your stomach actually growled.”
You peek at him between your fingers. “You're going to give me shit when you essentially did the same thing earlier?" You ask, aghast. Spencer nods his head, cheeky smile overtaking his face.
You groan again, but it’s half-hearted, because Spencer is still laughing, and it’s the kind of sound you’d willingly make a fool of yourself for, over and over again, just to hear it.
"Did you not have any of your stellar eggs?" Spencer asks, pulling away from you.
You both wince as connection is lost, resisting the urge to pull him back in again, to be selfish and keep the warmth of him near.
He stretches, arms raised above his head, back cracking. You stay still, stretched across the bed as he moves into your bathroom and wets a washcloth.
"No, I don't really like scrambled."
Spencer hesitates, at the foot of the bed, one knee propped up on the edge. "What?" He asks, frozen, still as a statue.
"I'll eat them but this morning they were too eggy."
"Too eggy," Spencer mutters, voice aghast, cleaning you before pinching your thigh playfully. "Come on, time to get you to work."
The moment lingers, shifting into something softer, something easy.
And then—
You’re standing in the kitchen, hours later, Spencer in his undershirt, stirring a pot of something that smells like warmth, like home.
Your stomach grumbles again.
Spencer smirks, not even turning around. “Should I start reciting poetry, or—”
You throw a dish towel at him.
||||
There is the weight of Spencer pressed against you in the morning, the heat of his breath on your skin, the steady rhythm of his fingers tracing patterns into your ribs. And then there is the cold side of the bed, the imprint of him faded from the sheets, the silence of an empty apartment that settles like dust in your lungs.
He’s gone.
Not forever. Neer forever.
But the difference between knowing something and feeling it is vast, and this morning, you feel it.
The bed is too big. The air is too still. The coffee is too bitter without his absentminded habit of adding too much sugar to the pot when he thinks you aren’t looking.
His absence moves through the space like a ghost, turning everyday things into echoes of him.
A book left open on the table, spine cracked, a scrap of paper sticking out with notes in the margins.
A half-full mug beside the sink. He always assures you he'll finish it later but never does. You don't mind, savoring the reminder of him when he leaves in the middle of the day with little notice.
The sweater he left draped over the back of a chair, smelling like warmth, like him, like something undone.
You exhale, pressing your fingers to the edge of the table as if grounding yourself, as if it might keep you tethered.
You knew this would happen.
It always does—cases that stretch into days, weeks, phone calls that come at odd hours, the sound of his voice wrapped in exhaustion and apologies, the waiting, the not-knowing.
You reach for your own coffee, cradling it between your palms, letting the heat seep into your fingers.
Your phone buzzes. A message. Short, simple.
Spencer: I miss you.
The breath in your chest stutters.
Your fingers hover over the keyboard, a response forming before you can even think about it.
You: I miss you too. It’s too quiet here.
Three dots appear. Pause. Disappear.
You wait, staring at the screen, willing the space between you to close, even just a little.
Spencer: I’ll call you tonight. Stay in my sweater until then.
You let out a breath, something soft, something caught between a laugh and a sigh. You reach for it, slipping it over your shoulders, wrapping yourself in the remnants of warmth.
It’s not the same.
But for now, it will have to be enough.
||||
The door unlocks with a quiet click.
You don’t move right away.
You should—should stand, should cross the room, should meet him in the doorway. But instead, you sit still, curled into the couch, the weight of waiting still heavy in your limbs, pressing you down.
Footsteps. Familiar, careful.
“Hey,” Spencer murmurs, quiet, hesitant, like he isn’t sure if you’re asleep, if he should wake you, if he’s allowed to break the silence.
You inhale sharply, and that’s what does it—what snaps the moment in two. You push up from the couch, feet hitting the floor, your body moving before your mind catches up.
You are in his arms.
He exhales sharply at the impact, his bag slipping from his shoulder, his arms wrapping around you with something desperate, something relieved, like he’s been waiting for this moment just as much as you have.
The scent of him—faint cologne, the sterile bite of too many hotels, the quiet warmth that is Spencer—hits you all at once. You press your face into his shoulder, fingers curling into the fabric of his jacket, holding tight.
“You’re back,” you breathe, and it’s obvious, unnecessary, but you need to say it, need to hear it, need to confirm it.
Spencer laughs—soft, exhausted, fond. “I’m back.”
You feel the words vibrate through him, feel the shape of them beneath your hands, the weight of them settling between your ribs.
“Did you miss me?” You laugh, a quiet, breathy thing, your grip tightening on his jacket.
“Not at all,” you say, pulling back just enough to look at him, to see him. His face is tired, his eyes a little shadowed, but there’s something soft there, something bright just beneath the surface.
His lips twitch. “Liar.”
You hum, tilting your chin up just slightly, brushing your nose against his, letting the warmth between you settle.
“Say it anyway,” he murmurs.
So you do. “I missed you, Spence.”
His breath stumbles and he kisses you.
It’s not rushed. It’s not desperate. It’s homecoming, warmth where there was once cold. It’s touch where there was once absence. It’s the quiet, certain return of something that never really left.
It takes a while for Spencer to let go and, even when he does, he keeps a hand on you. Not even after the kiss fades into breaths, not even after his bag is abandoned by the door, not even after you’ve guided him toward the couch, pressing your hands to his shoulders until he sinks into the cushions with a sigh.
You don’t ask him about the case.
Not yet.
Instead, you move around him, nudging his shoes off with your foot, smoothing his hair back from his face, pressing your fingers into the stiff muscles at the back of his neck. His eyes flutter shut, and he exhales slow, like he’s unspooling one spiraling thread at a time.
“You look exhausted,” you murmur, brushing your knuckles over his cheek.
“I feel worse,” he admits, cracking one eye open to look at you. “I think I might actually be a ghost.”
You hum, tilting your head. Slowly, you press a finger into the center of his chest, thumping it against his sternum twice. “I don’t know, you feel pretty solid to me.”
Spencer lets out a breathy chuckle, shaking his head. “Okay, fine. Maybe I’m only part ghost.” He waves a hand in the air, "I hover between realms, or whatever those silly books you read would say."
“Well,” you say, ignoring the dig at your admittedly less-academic reading preferences, pressing your lips to his temple, lingering, “if you were a ghost, you’d be a talkative one. Following me around, rambling about hauntings and historic criminal cases—”
Spencer scoffs. “I’d be a great ghost.”
“Would you?”
“I’d be an educational ghost.”
You snort, letting your fingers trail down his arm, wrapping your hand around his wrist, pressing against the pulse there. “I think I prefer you educational and alive.”
Spencer smiles, but it’s softer now, more worn, and when he leans into you, it’s not just playful—it’s relief.
You shift, curling into him, letting him fold himself against you like he’s been waiting for it for days. He buries his face against your shoulder, his breath warm against your skin, and you feel the tension still lingering in him, the weight of something else.
Something he’s not saying. So you just hold him.
One hand drifts into his hair, threading through the soft curls, the other smoothing over his back, steady, slow. His fingers flex against your side, gripping, holding, grounding. He sighs, deep, exhausted, pressing closer like he’s trying to escape something.
You kiss the crown of his head. “You don’t have to tell me,” you whisper. “But you can.”
Spencer is quiet for a long moment, his breathing uneven, his fingers still pressed into your skin. “The case was a little boy,” he murmurs, barely above a breath. “He lost his—” His voice wavers, and he swallows hard. “His whole family. We nearly didn't find him in time."
It's the most he can give you, the most that the public has probably heard, too, but it's enough to impress upon you the true horrors he's facing.
You close your eyes, tightening your arms around him. “Spencer.”
He shakes his head, shifting just enough to rest his forehead against your collarbone. “I just—I keep thinking about him. How small he looked. How scared.”
You press your lips together, blinking hard, willing yourself to keep it together for him. “I’m sorry,” you whisper, voice thick. “I know that doesn’t help, but I am.”
Spencer exhales shakily, nodding against your skin. “It helps.”
You don’t know if that’s true, but you keep holding him anyway. Keep smoothing your hands down his back, keep whispering his name, keep pressing your lips to his temple, his cheek, the corner of his mouth, like you can will the heaviness away.
“I’ve got you,” you murmur against his skin. “You’re home.”
Spencer lets out a slow, shuddering breath. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I am.”
Spencer doesn't move much, pressed against you, letting himself be held. His breathing steadies, his hands no longer gripping like he’s afraid of being pulled away.
You shift, just slightly, pressing your cheek against the top of his head. “You wanna do something mindless for a bit? Watch bad TV? Read a book with no footnotes? Stare at a wall together?”
Spencer snorts, muffled against your skin. “Tempting.”
“I'm very persuasive when I want to be.”
“That’s one word for it.”
You pull back just enough to look at him, narrowing your eyes. “Excuse me?”
Spencer finally lifts his head, and there’s something lighter in his expression now, the weight of the case still lingering, but no longer pressing quite so hard against the edges of his mind.
He shifts, settling further into the couch, his knee bumping against yours. “You bullied me into watching a terrible documentary about haunted dolls last time I came back from a case.”
Your mouth falls open in offense. “It was informative!”
Spencer levels you with a flat look. “It was ninety minutes of a guy holding up dolls to the camera and whispering ‘Do you hear that?’”
You press your lips together, fighting back a laugh. “Okay, maybe it wasn’t the most scientific—”
“There was a scene transition shaped like a skull.”
“You didn’t have to watch it!”
Spencer gestures at himself dramatically. “I was physically incapacitated by exhaustion!”
You shove at his shoulder, laughing now, and he catches your wrist easily, pressing a quick, warm kiss to the inside of it before letting you go. The gesture is so easy, so thoughtless, that your chest goes tight with it.
Spencer sighs, shifting so he’s half-leaning against you again, pressing his forehead briefly to your shoulder before pulling back. “But,” he admits, softer now, “it was kind of nice. Sitting with you. Not thinking for a bit.”
You hum, tucking your legs beneath you, leaning into his warmth. “I am great at the whole ‘not thinking’ thing.”
Spencer huffs a laugh. “That’s not what I meant.”
“You sure? I distinctly remember you asking me how I manage to not overanalyze things while I was eating a bowl of cereal the other day.”
“That was—” He pauses, brows knitting together. “Okay, yes, but that’s because you were reading the cereal box like it was literature.”
“It was a compelling narrative, Spencer.”
He tilts his head. “The ingredients list?”
“The lucky leprechaun’s backstory,” you clarify.
Spencer just stares at you.
You grin, nudging his knee. “It’s called escapism, genius.”
Spencer shakes his head, exhaling something close to a laugh-sigh, then shifts again, tucking himself more comfortably against your side.
"Unless you're calling me dumb," you muse, not ready to give up teasing him. He takes the bait easily.
"I would never say that-"
"i'm pretty certain that's what I'm hearing."
"Absolutely not." You sit silently, humming dramatically, hoping for a compliment that you're sure is to come. "You're one of the smartest people I've met, actually. That's why your taste in books and documentaries appalls me."
"You're good at groveling, Dr. Reid."
He doesn't answer, chuckling and pressing his lips against your shoulder in response instead.
After a moment, his fingers brush against yours, hesitant for only a second before twining them together. Quiet settles between you again—not heavy this time, not suffocating. Just easy. Just you and him. Spencer squeezes your fingers lightly, voice soft when he speaks again.
“You make coming home easy.”
Your throat goes tight, and you squeeze back. The shift in tone is palpable. You long to linger in the feeling of warmth and safety and the earnest way he mumbles it. “Good,” you murmur, pressing your forehead to his temple. “Because you are home.”
Spencer exhales, slow and steady. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I know.”
You don’t move immediately after Spencer settles against you, letting his weight sink into the couch, his fingers loosely tangled with yours. He’s relaxed now, softer, the weight of the week still lingering in his tired eyes but no longer pressing quite so hard on his shoulders.
It’s the perfect time to strike.
You reach for the remote, flicking through streaming options with intense purpose.
Spencer glances at you, suspicious. “What are you doing?”
“Putting something on to help you unwind.”
His eyes narrow. “What kind of something?”
You hum innocently. “Oh, you’ll see.”
Spencer watches as you select a YouTube documentary—one you know is riddled with inaccuracies, one that will absolutely send him into a spiral.
The second the dramatic narration begins, Spencer physically tenses.
You stifle a smile. You watched it when he was gone, something mind-numbing after a long day at work, and have been waiting to see his reaction to the ridiculous claims of the conspiracies.
The documentary wastes no time getting things wrong.
A sweeping shot of pyramids. An ominous, overly intense musical score. And then, in bold, serious tones:
"The ancient Egyptians, known for their fascination with aliens—"
Spencer inhales sharply, head snapping toward you, eyes wide with horror. “Their fascination with WHAT?”
You shrug, biting your lip. “Aliens, love. Keep up.”
Spencer throws his hands in the air. “Ancient Egyptian society was a highly advanced civilization with remarkable achievements in engineering, mathematics, and medicine—why does everything have to be aliens?”
You pat his knee comfortingly. “Shh. The experts are speaking.”
He turns back to the screen just in time to hear the narrator say:
"Some theorists believe the Sphinx was originally a statue of a dog, not a lion."
Spencer physically jolts, glaring at you again.
“A dog?” he scoffs.
You bite back laughter. “I don’t know, Spence. It kinda looks like a dog if you squint.”
He looks betrayed. “It doesn't. I know you don't think it does.”
You hum thoughtfully, pretending to study the screen. “Maybe, like, a bulldog?”
Spencer presses the heels of his palms into his eyes like he’s in pain. Give me the remote. There's a better, actual documentary, about 1940s Germany that I wanted to show you instead of this-” he gestures toward the screen, "garbage."
You grin, nudging his side. “Oh, you love it.”
“I do not—”
A new segment starts, this one even worse, featuring a so-called “historian” confidently stating that the Romans invented cheese.
Spencer makes a noise nearly resembling a laugh and you know you've got him.
“No they didn't," he says, deadpan, shaking his head and clicking off of the video.
You lose it. You cackle, curling into his side, shaking with laughter as Spencer queues up an actual documentary, switching on subtitles for you.
“I hate you,” he mutters, but his voice is fond, his arm still wrapped tight around you.
“No, you don’t,” you tease, leaning into him.
He sighs dramatically, dropping a kiss to the top of your head.
“No,” he murmurs, softer now. “I really don’t.”
And just like that, the warmth settles back between you, easy and earned.
Even if he’s still muttering about the Sphinx as the documentary starts.
You settle down like that, listening as Spencer adds his own interesting facts to the documentary. This is home, wholly and truly, sitting on this couch next to him.
You're sure to ask questions, keep him talking, until he falls asleep, missing the sound of his voice the second he dozes off.
390 notes
·
View notes
Text
I actually had the worst day I’ve had in awhile now but i survived it
#barely#im learning to lean on the people that care about me#i even cried on my mom tonight and i hate crying in front of people 😭😭#and it’s always been hard for me in general to talk to my mom especially but I’m learning to trust her and grow from our past#all that cheese and mushy shiz yeah yeah#work was insane tn and i was not prepared at all#i almost had a meltdown too but i kept it together and that’s when I called my co worker and she saved my ass#and my other coworker was trying to help me too that was off and was literally gonna leave her house to help me 🥺🥺🥺#it was just so bad fr#and my hours switching has been a twist for me too which happened to be a factor of today#but I made shit work but it still also was a mess at the same time lmao#it was a crazy ass day and I’m just glad it’s over now#a lot of good things happened today but the bad was bad#im just glad I didn’t hold in my feelings and was also not too prideful to ask for help#im drinkin my wine and hittin my pen bc fuck the cold I’ll just be a vape god for now#that was kinda cringe but I’m drunk so don’t take me seriously besides the parts of this that are my feelings 🤣#also got a card from one of my coworkers and my boss with a Starbucks gift card 🫶🏼 I was so surprised#that mfer wrote ‘crazy lady’ on the envelope 🙃🙃🤣🤣#funniest guy I know right there lmao#we have too much fun and he only works like once a week bc he’s like 40 or 50 something with a million different jobs bc he’s the crazy one#today was a roller coaster basically 🤣🤣 but i did the shit and somehow managed to keep shit together#im just ready for the holidays to be over so work can not be super busy anymore#but i am excited for the holidays it’s gonna be amazing i think 🫶🏼 not gonna be hung up on fake love this time and will be able to enjoy it#fully#for the first time in too long#last Christmas was so bad it makes me sick thinking about it#fuck that guy so much#just realizing this was amazing wow#so hype to have a clear and free mind this holiday without our ‘relationship’ looming over me#proud of me for multiple things rn 🥹
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
It’s like we really cannot stress enough how much this whole “sex scenes shouldn’t exist” thing has nothing to do with people being ace or sex repulsed or anything else, like as a (non-ace) person who was previously sex repulsed due to trauma, I wasn’t throwing a fucking fit about sex scenes existing??? That’s not to say I didn’t ever stumble upon scenes that upset me; of course I did! I just didn’t think the media I was watching was somehow morally degenerate because of my own discomfort.
#and the way they equate being surprised by a sex scene to being VIOLATED#you have some shit you need to process and heal from dude. that’s your own issue. you need to address that.#they often lump regular sex scenes in with scenes of SA; like one is traumatizing so aren’t they all or whatever#which like. newsflash. my opinions on SA scenes would shock those people ig#‘SA scenes shouldn’t exist’ so we’re just hiding a traumatic experience that happens to billions of people now?#‘ok maybe SA scenes need to exist sometimes but they should never be graphic’ sometimes you need to be confronted with the reality of how#awful that violation is actually#‘ok well SA scenes shouldn’t be directed by men’ I mean tell that to Patricia Arquette talking about how respectful and reassuring and#understanding David Lynch was when they were filming difficult scenes for lost highway#and also. as if a female director could never be exploitative#like yeah a lot of SA scenes have been exploitative or only existed for titillation in the past and a lot of them still are that way#but idk what that has to do with deciding they just shouldn’t exist??#I’m someone who watched Paul Verhoeven’s Elle and loved it though so. whatever#it’s all just exhausting
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Feeling like a Yuma morii Pokémon card
#talkingcore#got my little book prize and tell me why books are heavy I was surprised with the hellsing manga and now this why are books heavy#don’t get me wrong it’s cool but this thing barely fit into my backpack twas intimidating#oh yeah so excited for next week when everything goes to shit! yay strikes! not good that they have to be striking#but no discussion sections means more brain silly time. we love brain silly time :)#also every day I get more pissed about March madness I am not emotionally invested in basketball but they’re letting the wrong teams win#like last night I’m sorry but you let Michigan state get fucked so another willie the wildcat could win??? fuck Kansas state#msu has like one of the only bearable mascots in the big10 and you let them lose? in overtime too???#Xavier’s still in though I’m holding out for Xavier I love the blue blob I love stupid looking mascots#Western Kentucky? W. Syracuse? W. Pepperdine? W. Mizzou? W. Ohio State? MASSIVE W.#okay like Akron? they got zippy!! he looks a lil stupid but where else do you have a kangaroo!!!#either you’re intimidating ugly cute or silly like I think Arizona state is intimidating silly because it has a sleek sharp design#but also the dude looks a lil dumb#or like penn state is just ugly but berkeley is ugly cute (actually I really don’t like oski but other people do so I shall be less hostile)#and like all those blobs? Xavier western Kentucky Syracuse? cute silly!!#I need to do my little charts again because I got distracted at like Arkansas and frankly a lot of my knowledge is limited geographically#like my state and where I’m at school I’m pretty good with as well as places I know people have gone#but like not many people where I’m at are going to say Tennessee so I’m not as familiar with a bunch of schools there#which I need to fix because there must be so many epic mascots there that I’m clueless about!!!#okay some states like Wyoming I know have like Two Colleges so it’s easier to know things there but like Mississippi? no clue what’s there!!
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Forever torn between “If I get my first F since I was in the fifth grade that might actually be my final straw” and “Omfg I am so beyond giving a fuck at this point leave me alone”
Of course, there’s always a chance I could successfully argue my point that hey, it’s gonna be very unfair if you give me an F for not writing an essay I don’t know how to write. Like, the essay I’ll have to write to be allowed to sit my exam in May is a pain in the ass, but it at least has a structure that is relatively easy to follow. But essays for literature class? They’re actually fucking beyond me. I’ve written like.. three of those in my life, two were bullshitted so completely that in the one based on Hero of Our Time, I said that Pechorin is somehow both a fatalist and NOT a fatalist at the same time and I still have no idea how I got an A for it, and the third took me three tries to do and it still was barely passable. I don’t know how to do them, nobody will fucking EXPLAIN how to do them, and… honestly, I’d much rather take the F and not bother than work my ass off and write something my teacher will ruthlessly pick apart. It’s less humiliating that way
But will my teacher listen to me? Probably not. She low-key hates me anyway
#and I know grades aren’t everything. I know#but at this point.. the fact I’m semi decent at school is the only thing keeping me going#the one thing my dad occasionally praises me for#but I can’t do this. I really can’t. and I don’t fucking know how I’ll manage the rest of my life if I can’t write one essay#I’ve tried and it’s just not working out. at all. it’s all just dry retelling of the plot#I don’t know how to even start analysing it or how to structure it properly#and it’s 1 a.m so I really shouldn’t be doing this now#so….#fuck it. she can do whatever she goddamn wants. I don’t give a shit anymore#they should be grateful I still show up to school and put in at least some effort#because genuinely. I don’t even have the strength for that much nowadays#if I end up killing myself blame my russian/literature teacher#in fact. fucking sue her. статья 110 ук рф. доведение до самоубийства#that’ll avenge me#or maybe I can stop being this fucking dramatic for once? mayhaps??#nia stop it you’re scaring everyone#look I really can’t be bothered with filtering myself anymore#yes. I’m passively suicidal. no I’m not gonna do anything to myself. I have Honey to think about#but certain things and certain people REALLY push me closer to it#but I’ll cry for like an hour. sleep. grit my teeth through whatever I have to do. and then go complain on here#that’s it#even if… nah. not gonna say it#if I start spiralling I’ll just feel even more miserable tomorrow#I should stop rambling and go to bed or smth#not like anyone cares about my whining anyway. if they did they’d do something to help#/not directed at anyone here. more like.. parents. teachers. ministry of education#you know. people I have actual gripes with#the ones who never listen to me and then act surprised when I fail#maybe if they took me seriously. things would be different. better#alas
1 note
·
View note
Text
i can’t believe i managed to get fucking mono and didn’t even get it by doing anything fun
#mono glandular fever whatever the people who will see the joke will call it mono and it’s less clinical sounding#I need to shout about a lot of stuff now and if you do not know a bunch about what’s been happening already this will not make any sense#I’m just fucking. so [static] about how this term has gone bc this isn’t how it was meant to go#this year was meant to be good! it was going well enough already! I was genuinely happy and would’ve recovered from the bumps!#and it’s my last year in this fucking place and a good chunk of that time is just Gone now. eaten by this bullshit#I had so many plans! and I was actually doing them! and that’s collapsed now!#just on the kind of basic level there I was gonna do dnd and while we might get a few sessions Nobody least of all me#will have time to do much. and I was gonna try to do Some Kind Of Exercise I don’t know why the phrase work out sounds bad but that and like#didn’t happen! and now I have mono :) and I can’t even do ice hockey anymore#worst part abt that is that I didn’t and wouldn’t have noticed that I’ve been so much more tired than normal for the past month if it werent#for the fucking throat swelling#but like! I’m going home in two weeks bc I can’t stand being here any more than I absolutely have to now and I hate that! I want to be here!#I want to get back to my fucking life but that just Isn’t Happening now because of all this bullshit#and everything bar the mono has been stupid and preventable but I’m also pretty sure I Got the mono bc I was so stressed + run down already#I need things to be normal again when I come back in January but I don’t know how much it will ever be normal again in this flat#and on top of that I am So Behind on work. I can’t tell how much I should have done but I’m barely working. I’ve probably done no more than#like 10-15 hours a week? for the past three weeks and that’s honestly optimistic because it’s so hard to even get out of fucking bed#I wanna see my fucking friends but I haven’t been and the last time I saw someone was turning down a guy who surprise: Still Into Me#I was gonna do shit this weekend but then storm and being plagued so not wanting to go out in the storm#and this weekend was nice I had some time to myself which I haven’t had in ages but. I think I just miss everything really bad#I need to cook and it’s getting late and before I can cook I need to do a bunch of cleaning I’ve been putting off and I can’t Not do either#tonight I need to do both bc I don’t have food left and I literally can’t cook until I clean so I should go do that now#I’m terrified I’m losing something I can’t get back and will be later making decisions based on short term bullshit that fucked it all up#I’m gonna go clean while I still have something left in me#luke.txt
0 notes
Text
*gently beating back unexamined kin feeling with a broom* wait your turn motherfucker I’ve been in this community for less then three weeks and we will sit in our feelings for awhile
#harpy hisses#i feel like I’m speed running this shit#like dragon harpy and lizard were all things I came into the community thinking about which is why I’ve felt confident claiming them so#quickly. Dromaeosaur was a surprise but as I untangled the threads between my types it was pretty instantly clear it was there#and I can’t lie I came into the community aware I may have a marine type but those feelings weren’t in the forefront so I didn’t want to#examine that first. But I’ve been watching a bunch of ocean documentaries so of course I’m thinking about it now#but I want to give everything time to simmer. I’m new! I don’t want to rush! I still don’t know my lizard type.#It feels weird to possibly have so many kin types. It doesn’t bother me when other people have a shit tone of types but I feel personally#weird about. Which yeah I need to get over. But especially with it being so soon I feel hesitant to claim things quickly#Not to mention other potential otherkin and potential concept kin……
1 note
·
View note
Text
Pokémon fans don’t understand that “event-exclusive” means that Wake and Leaves can’t (and shouldn’t be at least until the next time they appear in a game that isn’t SV) be found in the game outside events part 8000000000000000
#walking wake#iron leaves#pokémon#sorry it really annoys me when people say this#and I beat the event in both games even though I couldn’t beat the Venusaur event in either version afterwards (okay bad example but still)#my point is I don’t consider myself great at raids and I still managed to get them first run I participated in the event in either game#(as in first run I was able to try for Cherry/Leaves and the Christmas rerun for Blueberry/Wake)#despite them being exclusive to raid events#so “it’s too difficult they shouldn’t be in raids” is a poor excuse to me#and as someone with a passion for Tera Raid events (who knew they were gonna be disappointed this weekend with nothing big)#I will willingly take on a 5-star version of a 7-star raid for a Pokémon I have no other way of obtaining#I’m still waiting on a Zacian/Zamazenta raid event and a rerun of the Dialga/Palkia event#“oh but they can’t be shiny in raids bc of how raid events work” I had a whole rant about this irl yesterday#that just means the only members of the species that came through before all Paldean rifts to their home place closed weren’t shiny#and given how unlikely any Pokémon is to be shiny and how rare the Proto Beasts and Neo Swords likely are where they’re from#I’m not surprised#anyway as someone whose favourite Pokémon is Iron Leaves and whose second-favourite Pokémon is Walking Wake#I feel like the person best suited for deciding how “bad” an event distribution involving Tera Raid Battles is#for event-exclusives introduced this gen#to be fair the people who are actually best suited for this are arguably Game Freak I mean it’s their game they make the creative decisions#okay going back to the “I’m not good at Tera Raid Battles” I beat the Primarina raids with a Kingambit which is a shit idea don’t do that#I’m not trying to defend Game Freak#I just wish the Pokémon fandom didn’t need the “Mythical” title and a cutesy appearance to justify an event-exclusive being event-exclusive#plus people using Zarude as a counterpoint as much as I hate shitting on Zarude I agree#I’m sure if I had SwSh I never would’ve got a Zarude#also it sounds like half the people that could’ve got it didn’t for some stupid reason#so maybe the event-exclusive that got the most fucked over is Zarude not Wake and Leaves#though I will admit Wake and Leaves have got to be canonically(?) the rarest due to their additional version-exclusivity#anyway I look forward to the Shocks and Thorns event this weekend
1 note
·
View note
Text
No paywall version here.
"Two and a half years ago, when I was asked to help write the most authoritative report on climate change in the United States, I hesitated...
In the end, I said yes, but reluctantly. Frankly, I was sick of admonishing people about how bad things could get. Scientists have raised the alarm over and over again, and still the temperature rises. Extreme events like heat waves, floods and droughts are becoming more severe and frequent, exactly as we predicted they would. We were proved right. It didn’t seem to matter.
Our report, which was released on Tuesday, contains more dire warnings. There are plenty of new reasons for despair. Thanks to recent scientific advances, we can now link climate change to specific extreme weather disasters, and we have a better understanding of how the feedback loops in the climate system can make warming even worse. We can also now more confidently forecast catastrophic outcomes if global emissions continue on their current trajectory.
But to me, the most surprising new finding in the Fifth National Climate Assessment is this: There has been genuine progress, too.
I’m used to mind-boggling numbers, and there are many of them in this report. Human beings have put about 1.6 trillion tons of carbon in the atmosphere since the Industrial Revolution — more than the weight of every living thing on Earth combined. But as we wrote the report, I learned other, even more mind-boggling numbers. In the last decade, the cost of wind energy has declined by 70 percent and solar has declined 90 percent. Renewables now make up 80 percent of new electricity generation capacity. Our country’s greenhouse gas emissions are falling, even as our G.D.P. and population grow.
In the report, we were tasked with projecting future climate change. We showed what the United States would look like if the world warms by 2 degrees Celsius. It wasn’t a pretty picture: more heat waves, more uncomfortably hot nights, more downpours, more droughts. If greenhouse emissions continue to rise, we could reach that point in the next couple of decades. If they fall a little, maybe we can stave it off until the middle of the century. But our findings also offered a glimmer of hope: If emissions fall dramatically, as the report suggested they could, we may never reach 2 degrees Celsius at all.
For the first time in my career, I felt something strange: optimism.
And that simple realization was enough to convince me that releasing yet another climate report was worthwhile.
Something has changed in the United States, and not just the climate. State, local and tribal governments all around the country have begun to take action. Some politicians now actually campaign on climate change, instead of ignoring or lying about it. Congress passed federal climate legislation — something I’d long regarded as impossible — in 2022 as we turned in the first draft.
[Note: She's talking about the Inflation Reduction Act and the Infrastructure Act, which despite the names were the two biggest climate packages passed in US history. And their passage in mid 2022 was a big turning point: that's when, for the first time in decades, a lot of scientists started looking at the numbers - esp the ones that would come from the IRA's funding - and said "Wait, holy shit, we have an actual chance."]
And while the report stresses the urgency of limiting warming to prevent terrible risks, it has a new message, too: We can do this. We now know how to make the dramatic emissions cuts we’d need to limit warming, and it’s very possible to do this in a way that’s sustainable, healthy and fair.
The conversation has moved on, and the role of scientists has changed. We’re not just warning of danger anymore. We’re showing the way to safety.
I was wrong about those previous reports: They did matter, after all. While climate scientists were warning the world of disaster, a small army of scientists, engineers, policymakers and others were getting to work. These first responders have helped move us toward our climate goals. Our warnings did their job.
To limit global warming, we need many more people to get on board... We need to reach those who haven’t yet been moved by our warnings. I’m not talking about the fossil fuel industry here; nor do I particularly care about winning over the small but noisy group of committed climate deniers. But I believe we can reach the many people whose eyes glaze over when they hear yet another dire warning or see another report like the one we just published.
The reason is that now, we have a better story to tell. The evidence is clear: Responding to climate change will not only create a better world for our children and grandchildren, but it will also make the world better for us right now.
Eliminating the sources of greenhouse gas emissions will make our air and water cleaner, our economy stronger and our quality of life better. It could save hundreds of thousands or even millions of lives across the country through air quality benefits alone. Using land more wisely can both limit climate change and protect biodiversity. Climate change most strongly affects communities that get a raw deal in our society: people with low incomes, people of color, children and the elderly. And climate action can be an opportunity to redress legacies of racism, neglect and injustice.
I could still tell you scary stories about a future ravaged by climate change, and they’d be true, at least on the trajectory we’re currently on. But it’s also true that we have a once-in-human-history chance not only to prevent the worst effects but also to make the world better right now. It would be a shame to squander this opportunity. So I don’t just want to talk about the problems anymore. I want to talk about the solutions. Consider this your last warning from me."
-via New York Times. Opinion essay by leading climate scientist Kate Marvel. November 18, 2023.
#WE CAN DO THIS#I SO TRULY BELIEVE THAT WE CAN DO THIS#WE CAN SAVE OURSELVES AND THE WORLD ALONG WITH US#climate crisis#united states#climate change#conservation#hope posting#sustainability#climate news#climate action#climate emergency#fossil fuels#global warming#environmentalism#climate hope#solarpunk#climate optimism#climate policy#earth#science#climate science#meteorology#extreme weather#renewable energy#solar power#wind power#renewables#carbon emissions#climate justice
33K notes
·
View notes
Text
LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - SEVEN
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/57fa7ae88cc7f168bfd62e12570044ac/7ae09ce7609f2b51-2a/s400x600/147f247b8a6f5b5dddfe2c05ed3d2e57f5dfd0d3.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b51cfe5ad2dbc0247f16a3cdd9795455/7ae09ce7609f2b51-54/s540x810/ddab772779057b8ae3acac4769526ffb0c905659.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ced7e47986dc75753936aedcc33229d1/7ae09ce7609f2b51-ce/s500x750/3bda4ce9c7557e2dc2d023e3a703af63bf00b9f0.jpg)
pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of pregnancy, abortion, alcohol, drug consumption.
MASTERLIST
You never spent much time on The Cut, unless you were being dragged by duty, mostly charity events for the local populations, fundraisers for their schools usually.
You always showed up in something tasteful but subtly expensive—pearls, understated Louboutin heels, and a blazer that whispered wealth without screaming it.
Your mother taught you that.
Now, you sat in Poguelandia, doing god knows what.
The name alone sounded like some bad beach-themed party game. But you kept the snark to yourself—mostly. Sarah swore to you this was her new "thing," her big redemption arc, and who were you to judge? It wasn’t where you pictured spending any afternoon, yet there you were.
Pregnant. On The Cut. Drinking—well, holding—a very flat ginger ale out of a plastic cup.
You smoothed your dress for the hundredth time, light linen in a neutral tone that looked effortless but cost more than most people’s rent, while pretending not to notice Pope and Cleo staring like you were a rare bird that had wandered into the wrong habitat.
Were they always this... intense? Did people on this side of the island not know how to look away when someone made eye contact? Your mother’s voice echoed in your head. They’re not staring at you, dear; they’re staring at themselves in relation to you.
Whatever that meant.
To their credit, they weren’t mean about it. Just... curious, as if you’d wandered in from a wildlife documentary called Kooks in the Wild.
You moved your weight around in your seat, hyper-aware of every grain of sand sticking to your hérmes sandals. Every time you shifted, you felt the grains grinding between the straps and your skin.
Should’ve worn the espadrilles, you thought ruefully, but even then, this wasn’t the world’s most glamorous venue. Sarah had begged you to stop by, though, and you owed her. It was also good for you to leave the house instead of being cupped up inside all alone.
“Okay, seriously, what’s with the staring? Do I have something on my face? Is my makeup smudged? Be honest.”
Cleo snorted. “No, you’re fine, princess. We’re just surprised to see you.”
You were still holding your sad little plastic cup. “Just thought I’d participate in—whatever this is.” You gestured vaguely at the mismatched chairs and string lights that looked like they’d been stolen from someone’s backyard wedding. “Community service?”
It was supposed to come off as witty. You weren’t sure it did.
Pope choked on his drink—sweet tea? soda?—and Cleo chuckled outright. “You’re funny,” she said, and for a moment, you weren’t sure if she meant it.
“Thanks?” It came out like a question, and you wanted to die just a little bit inside.
Pope grinned, leaning forward with a chip in his hand. “You don’t seem like the kind of person who hangs out in The Cut, that’s all.”
You blinked, feigning shock. “You don’t think I spend my weekends in—what is this, a glorified surf shack? I’m crushed.”
Cleo laughed again, which—fine—made you feel a little better.
“Nah, it’s just... you’re different up close. Not like, scary kook different. Just human. Y’know?”
“Great. That’s exactly what I was going for today.”
Pope gestured to the bar. “You want a snack? Chips? Cookies? We have...three options.”
You straightened, eyes narrowing like a hawk zeroing in on prey.
Food. Your stomach growled loudly, as if it had been cued by a stage director. “What kind of cookies?”
He blinked, not expecting you to care. “Uh... chocolate chip? Maybe oatmeal raisin?”
“And the chips?” You pressed, leaning forward now.
“Salt and vinegar,” Cleo piped up, eyeing you curiously. “Barbecue too, I think. Why?”
“Okay, shit, great.” You clapped your hands together decisively. “I’ll have all of it. All the chips, both kinds of cookies. Do you have anything else? Pretzels? Popcorn? Random condiments? I’m not picky.”
Cleo stared at you, her mouth slightly open. “Everything?”
“Yes, everything. Is that a problem?”
She blinked, her eyes darting to Pope like he had an explanation. He shrugged helplessly.
“Woman” she muttered under her breath. “Did you not eat for a week, or...?”
The salt and vinegar chips were divine, borderline transcendent, as you shoved another handful into your mouth. The truth was, you weren’t just hungry—you were still terrified. Every bite, every easy conversation with other people that weren’t Sarah, was a game of jenga to you. One wrong move, one offhand comment, and your secret could be out in the open.
Six more days until this would all be... over. Until the secret growing inside you—the one you’d barely admitted to yourself most mornings—would be gone.
The past three days had been the best you’d felt in ages, cravings and all, thanks to Sarah. She’d slept over, stayed up late talking with you, making you laugh, distracting you from the endless pit what-ifs and why-mes.
It was the longest you’d gone without crying in three months. The longest you’d lived without feeling like you could suffocate at any given moment. With her help, it had been easier to forget—to pretend that things were still okay.
But Sarah wasn’t there, she’d left earlier with John B, something about helping him with a tour.
“You good, princess?” Cleo’s voice cut through your thoughts.
You blinked at her, realizing you’d been crushing the chip bag in your hands like a stress ball. “What? Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You look like you’re about to fight that bag of chips,” Pope said, grinning.
You forced a laugh, leaning back and tossing the bag onto the table. “No fighting. Just... intense snacking."
You reached for the chocolate chip cookies he had offered earlier, focusing on the sweetness, the comfort of food that tasted good for once. Sweet, crumbly, safe. If only the rest of you life felt like that.
Pope and Cleo knew something was up, they all did, probably.
Sarah had been glued to your side, and it wasn’t exactly subtle.
Her sudden move to “stay over” at your place had obviously raised eyebrows, especially since you two hadn’t had a proper conversation in months before all this. And there was the beach clean-up, Kie and JJ had been there when you felt ill, and while you’d been too disoriented to keep up with the cover story once Rafe drove you away, Sarah had stepped in later to handle it.
Heat exhaustion. Overworked. Totally fine.
Still, to your relief, neither Pope nor Cleo seemed inclined to pry, perhaps it was pity, or maybe they were just decent enough to let you keep the little shred of privacy you had left. Either way, you were grateful.
“So,” Pope said, leaning back on his elbows and flashing you an easy grin, “How are you finding our place? I mean, other than our fine selection of snacks.”
You swallowed a bite of cookie, forcing a smile. “It’s...charming. Rustic. A real je ne sais quoi vibe.” You waved your hand vaguely, trying to mimic the way your mother used to describe terrible restaurants we’d never go back to.
Cleo snorted. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it.”
“It’s cute,” You offered, looking around, “I can tell you guys put your heart into it.”
Pope smirked, lifting a brow. "That's nice of you to say."
You gave a small shrug, feigning nonchalance, but you meant it.
For all the mismatched chairs and questionable decoration, there was something undeniably warm about the place. You weren't used to that—spaces filled with love instead of decorators and florists, it wasn’t bad. Just different.
“I mean it,” you said, brushing crumbs from your lap. “It’s very authentic. ‘Pogue Chic’ or something.”
Cleo laughed, loud and genuine, her grin lighting up her face. “Pogue Chic?"
Pope chimed in, “Hey, don’t knock it. We’re trendsetters. Ahead of its time.”
You smiled, but your mind was already falling back to the sand clinging to your dress and the ginger ale that tasted like disappointment. You’d never say it out loud, but you admired them, that ability to make joy out of scraps. It was something you didn’t quite know how to do. Not yet, anyway.
Cleo leaned forward, her elbows resting on the makeshift table. “So, are we going to see you around more? Or is this just a one-time royal visit?”
You hesitated, twirling the rim of your cup between your fingers. “I don’t know. Maybe. If Sarah keeps dragging me here, I guess I don’t have a choice.”
“You always have a choice.”
You didn't know if it was the way he said it, the tone he used, or just your hormones fucking you up, but suddenly there were tears in your eye sockets. You blinked rapidly, tilting your head back slightly and praying that the tears stayed put.
These kids, all of them, sitting here like they hadn’t spent their lives scraping by, like they hadn’t been hurt or abandoned or let down a hundred times over by people they loved and trusted. Yet somehow, they were still full of hope, full of life.
You envied that.
You wished you could bottle it, whatever it was that kept them laughing and fighting and welcoming someone like you—a result of privilege and mistakes and heartbreak—into their home. It was humbling in a way that made your chest hurt.
“Does that mean I can choose to order better snacks next time? Maybe some sparkling water? Flat ginger ale is a crime against humanity.”
Cleo snorted, still not fooled by your deflection, but she let it slide.
“Good luck with that, princess. Our snack budget’s about three bucks and whatever we can steal from Kie’s pantry.”
Pope chuckled, tossing a chip in his mouth. “And you’re welcome to contribute if you’re so concerned about the menu.”
It surprised you, how easy it was to talk to them.
On paper, you had nothing in common. They were younger, grew up in a completely different world, and you were used to the polished conversations of country club luncheons and charity galas.
Here, things were different.
They didn’t seem to care if you stumbled over your words, if your jokes were awkward or if you occasionally sounded like a walking trust fund catalog. They didn’t care about your last name, your family’s money, or any other things that had weighed you down for years.
That was disarming.
You’d spent your entire life around people who mirrored your upbringing—kids who summered in the Hamptons or Barbados, adults who measured their worth in stock portfolios and vacation homes. Now, you were here, in this cobbled-together haven with salt-stained cushions, sitting with people who’d grown up struggling for things you took for granted.
You thought it would feel more awkward or forced, but it didn’t.
It was easy.
Pope sat on the counter, gesturing with a half-eaten chip. “Serious question. How do you even survive on Figure Eight? Do they hand you iced lattes and designer handbags when you’re born, or do you have to work your way up to that?”
You raised a brow, smirking. “Oh, absolutely. The moment you’re born, they issue you a monogrammed diaper bag and a gold-plated pacifier. It’s very exclusive.”
Cleo nearly choked on her drink. “See, this is why we can’t take you seriously.”
Your phone buzzed on the table, lighting up with your cousins name, interrupting the fun. You sighed, rolling your eyes before picking it up. “Yes, Top?”
Topper’s slightly whiny tone spilled into your ear. “Can you believe Mom’s threatening to rent out the beach house for the summer? Actual strangers, staying there. What’s next? Turning it into a hostel?”
“Tragic,” you deadpanned, resting your chin in your hand. “Truly, a devastating blow for humanity.”
Pope fake-coughed, mumbling “white rich privilege problems,” while Cleo mouthed, “Hostel!” and shook her head, laughing silently.
“I know. Anyway, I’m coming over later.”
“Where’s your invitation?”
You heard him scoffing, “I’m family, I don’t need one.”
You pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling the beginnings of a headache. “Top, you can’t just announce you’re coming over. I might have plans.”
“Yeah, and I’m your family, so those plans now include me,” Topper said, sounding entirely too pleased with himself. “Besides, I’ll bring food.”
Across from you, Pope was already gagging dramatically, holding his stomach as if the mere sound of Topper’s voice made him physically ill.
“I don’t know if—”
“See you at noon,” he interrupted. “Later!”
The call ended before you could even argue, and you set your phone down with a resigned sigh.
“Looks like I’m hosting a one-man Topper pity party,” you said, crossing your arms and slumping back in your chair.
Pope clutched his chest. “Will you survive?”
You only left once the sun dipped lower into the horizon, you gathered your things promising Sarah you’d drive safely and talk to her tomorrow.
Cleo, Pope and John B were mid-argument about the best way to fix something in the shack. You felt lighter than you had in weeks.
With a few more quips exchanged and goodbyes said, you walked back to your car. That night, the ache in your chest wasn’t completly unbearable. You weren’t okay, but you weren’t drowning, either.
You’d been terrified of this afternoon all day, worried you’d stick out like a sore thumb or say the wrong thing.
But the Pogues hadn’t cared about your awkwardness, your polished self, or even the giant invisible cloud you carried everywhere these days. They let you just be.
The drive home was quiet, but this time you even hummed along to a song on the radio, which was strange because you couldn’t remember the last time you cared about music or even turning on that thing. When you pulled into the driveway and stepped into your house, it didn’t feel as cold and empty as it did last week.
You set your bag down on the entryway table and kick off your sandals, the floors cool beneath your feet. Heading to the kitchen, you decided to see if there was anything decent for tonight’s impromptu early dinner with Topper. The fridge greeted you with a sad bag of lettuce, half a bottle of sparkling water, and a single container of leftover pasta you weren’t sure was still edible.
“Great,” you muttered, closing the door and moving to the pantry.
The situation there wasn’t much better. Sarah’s latest health-kick contributions—a bag of chia seeds and some organic trail mix—laughed at you from the top shelf. You frowned, pushing them aside to reveal a dusty box of crackers and a jar of Nutella.
“Guess we’re going shopping tomorrow,” you murmured, grabbing the crackers and Nutella to snack on now.
You placed them on the counter and glanced around. The sink held a few dishes from earlier —a couple of coffee mugs, a bowl, a plate.
You sighed, rolling up your sleeves, might as well get this out of the way.
Normally, you’d have had someone else to take care of this—stocking the pantry, cleaning the dishes, even deciding on the menu for your lunches. But lately, you’d been scaling back. You hadn’t let anyone go, of course. You could never do that; the staff had been with your family for years, and many of them felt more like extended family than employees. Still, you’d quietly rearranged their schedules, giving them more time off.
They didn’t question it—probably thought it was some new phase, another eccentricity of a bored, privileged young woman.
Truth was, you liked doing these things.
Focusing on something small, tangible, gave your brain a break from drilling itself into a million dark corners. Folding laundry, washing dishes, even the routine of chopping vegetables—it kept your hands busy and your thoughts manageable enough. It wasn’t that you’d suddenly become a domestic goddess or anything. Most of the time, you’d forget to pick up groceries or burn whatever you tried to cook.
It wasn’t about being good at it. It was about doing something.
You looked around the kitchen, noting the little imperfections you wouldn’t have noticed before. A small water stain on the counter from where your glass had sat too long, the scuff marks on the cabinets where your chair scraped when you leaned back. They weren’t problems to be fixed—they were just signs of life.
And right now at that very moment, life felt…okay.
The house didn’t seem as cold or empty when you were doing things for yourself, even if it was mundane work. You finish up wiping down the counters, glance at the time—definitely cutting it close—and head toward the dining room to tidy up a bit.
Topper was not the type to notice if the place is spotless, but you always liked things to look... presentable, yourself included.
You heard the doorbell ring in the distance, he was early as usual, probably checking his watch just to make sure he wasn't a second late.
"Of course he’s early," you muttered to yourself, a little smirk pulling at your lips.
You walked towards the front door, ready to greet him, but when you opened it, your eyes immediately locked onto the large takeout bag in his hand. It smelled... amazing.
Topper grinned at you, an exaggerated flourish as he held up the bag.
“Guess what I brought?”
“You brought... Korean chicken wings? Really?”
“Hell yeah, I did!” He stepped inside, completely ignoring any formalities and heading straight toward the kitchen, “They just opened.”
He placed the bag on the counter with the confidence of a man who knew he’s just won “Best Dinner Host” without even trying. You peeked inside, the crispy wings drenched in a glossy, sweet-spicy sauce that looked downright delicious.
Topper laughed and took a seat, pulling out the wings, not even bothering with plates. “You’re welcome.”
You rolled your eyes but sat next to him, picking up a wing, the heat of it still making your fingers tingle. The crispy exterior cracked open with a satisfying crunch as you bit into it. It was everything you'd hoped for—tangy, spicy, perfectly cooked. You nearly moaned in pleasure, not even caring that your cousin was watching you with that cocky grin on his face.
“You look like you’ve seen the light,” He teased, leaning back in his chair as he grabbed a wing of his own.
“I mean,” you said, savoring another bite, “this might make up for you barging in uninvited.”
“Barging?” He clutched his chest dramatically, mock offense radiating from every inch of him. “I'm saving you from a night of sad dinners, and this is the thanks I get?”
You gave him a pointed look, but the corner of your mouth tugged upward despite yourself.
“Fine. Thank you, Topper. You’re the hero of the day. Happy now?”
“Ecstatic,” he said, grinning as he reached for another wing. “What’s new? Still slumming it with my ex and the Pogues?”
“First of all,” you said, wiping your fingers on a napkin, “slumming it implies I’m suffering, which I’m not. And second, Sarah’s not a pogue. She’s pogue-adjacent.”
“Pogue-adjacent?” He snorted. “You’ve been spending too much time over there.”
“Like you’re one to talk,” you shot back. “You basically live at Kildare Brewing these days. That’s like, one pogue away from full assimilation.”
He opened his mouth to argue but then stopped, realizing you had a point. “Okay, fair. But only because they have good beer."
You hesitated for a moment, unsure if you should even bring it up, but curiosity got the better of you. You hadn’t heard about her in a while, and you knew by experience, that was never a good thing.
“So... Ruthie,” you started, watching him over the rim of your glass as you took a sip.
Topper paused mid-chew, looking up at you like he wasn’t sure he wanted to have this conversation. “What about her?”
“I mean, you two are still together, aren’t you?”
He wiped his hands on a napkin. “We’re… not talking right now.”
You tried not to look pleased, but a rush of vindication bloomed in your chest. You'd grown to hate her, plain and simple. Her recent proximity to your cousin had always baffled you. He wasn’t perfect, but surely, he could do better.
“I’m surprised.”
“Yeah, well,” he muttered, reaching for another wing. But then he stopped, like whatever he was thinking was messing with his head.
“What happened?” You asked, trying to sound more curious, concerned, than nosy.
You weren’t sure if he’d tell you, but the look on his face made it clear something big had gone down.
He hesitated, debating whether to answer. Finally, he sighed. “She... started a rumor about you.”
Your head jerked back in surprise. “About me?”
“Yeah,” he grimaced like he’d swallowed something sour. “She said you passed out at the beach cleanup and decided to spread some bullshit about you doing drugs.”
You just stared at him. “She what?”
You weren’t sure why you were so surprised.
You knew what she was capable better than anyone, especially when she was bored out of her mind.
“I didn’t believe it,” he added quickly, his tone defensive, as if that made it better. “I told her to shut the fuck up about it, but you know how she is. She thought it was funny.”
“Funny?” Your voice was sharp now, “She thought it was funny to spread lies about me? About drugs? What the fuck?”
“Yeah, it’s so messed up. That’s why I’m not talking to her. I told her if she couldn’t act like a fucking decent human being, we were done.”
You blinked, stunned.
You weren’t sure what shocked you more—the fact that Ruthie had stooped so low or that Topper had finally stood up to her. You shook your head, biting back another nasty comment about how awful she was. You’d been saying it for months, and he hadn’t listened.
No point in beating a dead horse now.
“It’s about time you saw what she’s really like. She’s really bad fuckin’ news, Top. Always has been.”
He gave a low grunt, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the counter. “Yeah. Took me long enough, huh?”
You didn’t answer, just raised an eyebrow and sipped your water.
“She’s always been weird about Sarah,” Topper muttered, almost to himself. “Even when we were together, she’d find these ways to dig at her. Like that one time at Midsummers—”
“—When she ‘accidentally’ spilled her drink on Sarah’s dress,” you finished, rolling your eyes. “Yeah, I remember. She’s always had this thing about trying to one-up her. Honestly, it’s so pathetic. But you never listen to me, so.”
“Okay, ouch.” He threw a crumpled napkin at you, which you easily dodged. “I listen to you sometimes.”
“Do you, though?” You gave him a pointed look.
“Yeah, I do!” Topper protested, though the whine in his voice made him sound more like the teenager he used to be, back when he’d follow you around during family holidays like a puppy. “Just… selectively.”
“Selective listening isn’t listening, dumbass. You’re just proving my point.”
He narrowed his eyes at you but didn’t answer, reaching for another wing instead. He took a bite, chewing dramatically, as if the exaggerated crunch would somehow end the conversation.
“Look, I’ve been saying for months that Ruthie’s bad news. Since she showed up at last year’s Christmas party wearing a dress identical to Sarah’s, just in a different color. You thought that was a coincidence?”
Topper groaned, dropping the wing. “Okay, fine, you’re right. Are you happy now? Can you stop rubbing it in?”
You grinned, propping your chin on your hand.
“Oh, I could. But what kind of older cousin would I be if I didn’t remind you how often you’re wrong?”
“You’re not that much older than me.”
You shrugged. “Old enough to know better than to date someone that awful.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re a genius. I get it.” He looked over at you again, his gaze softer, this time, “But seriously, you’ve been off lately. If there’s something going on, you can tell me, y’know? We’re family, even if I don’t listen to you half the time,” he added with a small smile, though his eyes were searching, hoping you’d let him in.
It would be so easy to tell him the truth—that you were pregnant, scheduled for an abortion in six days, and drowning in uncertainty and dread.
But he was still Rafe’s best friend, and the risk of this ever reaching him was too high. Instead, you forced a lightness into your voice.
“Nothing I can’t handle. And right now, I desperately need the bathroom.”
He looked at you skeptically, not fooled for a second.
“You’re really okay?” he pressed, his voice dropping to a level that told you he wasn’t going to let this go easily, "I texted and called before, you didn't answer. Thought you were resting from the scare."
You’d been having such a calm, easy time with Sarah, you almost forgot about everything else. The thought of picking up the phone, letting all that anxiety and worry back in, just wasn’t appealing—so you’d ignored his calls, but not on purpose. You were doing him a favor.
You plastered on a smile and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as you passed. “I promise, I’m fine. Just felt a little light-headed and needed some peace."
His eyes narrowed slightly, unconvinced. “That’s all?”
You forced a giggle, hoping it would sound more genuine than it felt. “Yes, Dr. Thornton. Just needed to eat more or drink water or whatever the fuck it is you’re always telling me to do.”
“Uh-huh,” he said, crossing his arms, watching you closely. “Because you’ve never just fainted before.”
“I guess there’s a first time for everything. Besides, don’t you think I’d tell you if something serious was wrong?”
It took everything to maintain eye contact, your stomach twisting at the lie. He was family, and you wanted to trust him, to let him help you. But you couldn’t. He hadn’t even told you about Rafe and Sofia until you found out by yourself.
Topper tilted his head, considering you, then sighed and gave a reluctant nod. “Alright, fine.”
“Okay, if you’re done being weird,” You pushed back from the counter, grabbing your glass. “I gotta pee,” you announced casually, as if this was the most normal interjection in the world. The wings were good, but running away was tempting. And also, the pregnancy had made your bladder a ticking time bomb, and you really didn’t want to risk any accidents. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
You offered him one last smile, hoping it was convincing enough. He whined some sarcastic comment about your water consumption as you hurried away, but you barely heard him.
All you thought about was the blessed relief that awaited on the other side of that door.
You didn’t usually spend this much time with Top nowadays—your own tendency to avoid “close” family drama—but tonight had been oddly… nice.
Even if you wanted to wrap your hands around his neck half the time. Even if you hated lying to him. If he’d just pushed a little harder, maybe you would’ve folded, let it all spill right there in the kitchen.
Every time you thought you’d come to a decision, another doubt would take over you, leaving you back at square one. You knew what you wanted, so why was this so hard?
Topper had looked at you with such genuine concern back there. The “if you need me, I’m here” sentiment was the same one you’d grown up with, the kind of care only a cousin, practically a sibling, could have.
This was hard.
When you came back into the kitchen after taking your sweet time in the bathroom you immediately noticed something was off.
Topper was by the counter, staring at the half-eaten pile of wings by the table like they’d personally offended him. He looked paler, too—almost like he’d seen a ghost.
“Uh…” You stopped mid-step, furrowing your brow. “What’s with the stupid face? Did the wings betray you or something?”
He jolted slightly, as if he hadn’t even heard you come in. “What? No. No, the wings are fine. Great. Amazing, even.”
“Okay…” You gave him a skeptical look, setting your glass down and crossing your arms.
Topper laughed, but it was this oddly nervous, stilted sound. He glanced at his phone, tapping the screen for no real reason, then shoved it into his pocket.
“You know what, though? I totally forgot—I have something planned. Like, super important. In about… ten minutes.”
You stared at him, unimpressed. “You forgot you had plans? Sounds fake, but okay.”
“So unlike me!” He got up from his chair with such sudden energy that it made you take a step back. “Anyway, I should really get going. Don’t want to be late. Uh, thanks for… hanging out. And for, uh, letting me use your wings as a form of therapy. Yeah. Later!”
And with that, he was sprinting for the door.
“Topper!” you called after him, confused and mildly annoyed. “What the hell is going on? You’re acting fuckin’ weird!”
“Nope, not weird! Just busy!” he shot back over his shoulder, not even looking at you as he opened the door.
You didn’t have time to yell at him before he disappeared out the door, the sound of his Jeep starting up echoing from the driveway a moment later. You stood there bewildered, staring at the now-empty doorway.
Something was definitely up. He was many things—dramatic, stubborn, occasionally insufferable—but shifty wasn’t usually one of them.
You went back to the kitchen, glancing at the counter, ready to brush off his weird exit as just another of his dramatics, when your eyes landed on a random envelope— the one you’d been using to scribble down everything lately.
Extra small grocery lists, reminders, and, unfortunately, the number for the abortion clinic.
Rafe’s fingers curled loosely around the tumbler of bourbon, eyes set on nothing in particular. The lunch rush was winding down, country club regulars filing out.
He’d been there for over an hour—first, the meeting, listening to those finance guys ramble on about numbers, projections, all that bullshit he usually liked to hear.
He’d faked his interest well enough, but his mind had been miles away. Mostly thinking about you. And the company, of course, because that was his priority right now. Or, it should be.
The whole thing with you, three days ago, it was a slow-mind-burning headache he couldn’t ignore, even if he wanted to. And he had wanted to, tried to, in fact.
He took another slow sip, hardly tasting the bourbon. Across the room, Sofia was working between tables, balancing trays and forcing her best country club smile.
All he saw when he looked at her was you, it only made him force down another swallow, running his thumb over the rim of the glass, mind somewhere between the company projections and the mess he’d made of things with you.
It was ridiculous that you were still in his head. He should be thinking about that deal, about locking down his place in the Cameron empire.
Rafe pushed the glass aside, signaling for the check when something caught his ear—a conversation from a nearby table.
“Yeah, she actually passed out the other day. Pathetic.” The voice was loud, sneering.
A dude’s voice followed, fake sympathy dripping from his tone. “I heard she was a fuckin’ mess after the whole breakup.”
“Oh, totally.��� A different girl laughed, high-pitched and cruel. “She’s probably on something. Can you blame her? I’d be desperate too if he dumped me.”
It didn’t take a fucking genius to know who they were talking about. Small town and all, of course, things got around, mostly turning into half-truths and petty rumors.
He stopped all his movements, jaw clenching. His fingers tightened around the edge of the table, the only thing keeping him from breaking something, preferably bones.
They were talking about you.
About some made-up version of you, the fact that these spoiled, airheaded brats thought they could shit talk about you like that, rip you apart for fun just because you weren’t there to defend yourself made him sick.
He pushed his chair back and stood, crossing the room with long strides. He didn’t care about the eyes following him as he walked up to their table, the laughter stopping the moment they looked up and saw the look on his face.
“What did you just say?”
The girl who’d been laughing, a petite brunette with too much makeup and a self-satisfied smirk, blinked up at him, her smile faltering.
“Oh, Rafe! We didn’t see you there. We were just…joking around,” she stammered, trying to backpedal.
“Joking?” He laughed, the sound making them flinch. “That what you call it? Spreading some bullshit rumor because it’s all your pathetic little lives have to offer?”
The brunette’s face went red. “I mean, we all heard about it. I’m just saying what everyone’s already thinking—”
His fists clenched and his patience, already thin, snapped the second he heard the guy—one of those trust fund preps with an overdone tan and a too-tight polo—chime in.
“Oh, come on, dude,” the guy smirked, leaning back in his chair, feigning nonchalance. “It’s not like she’s worth all that trouble, is she?”
His entire body went rigid, and before he registered it, he was leaning down, letting them feel the weight of his glare.
“Say that shit again,” Rafe taunted him, something almost amused twisting at the edge of his mouth, daring him to keep talking. “I’d love to hear you repeat yourself.”
“Relax, man—”
He didn’t even let him finish, eyes narrowed, his voice dropping to a near whisper, more dangerous than shouting ever could be.
“You think it’s funny? Talking about someone who’s not even here to defend herself?”
The guy’s face paled, and Rafe swore he was seconds away from landing a punch, from wiping that smug grin off his face. Just as he prepared his fist, ready to make good on his threat, he felt a hand on his arm, a small, insistent tug.
“Rafe,” a soft voice hissed. Sofia. He barely glanced at her, shrugging off her grip.
“Don’t,” he snapped, his voice sharp, dismissive.
He kept his eyes on the guy, who looked more uncomfortable by the second, squirming in his seat.
Sofia’s hand still hovering near his arm, cautious now. “Rafe, come on, this isn’t worth it. You’re better than this.”
She looked scared. Scared of him, scared of the situation. He wasn’t better than this.
He’d never been, and he’d been good enough at lying and pretending for her even to think that.
You would’ve known better.
Fuck, you wouldn’t have wasted time talking.
You would’ve yanked him back by his collar, shoved yourself between him and the guy, shot him that warning glare, daring him to keep pushing you so you’d have to drag him out by force. You always knew when he’d get like this, that edge in his voice, that look in his eye that told you he was seconds away from snapping. You knew better than anyone how to pull him back when he hit that switch.
But you’d never bothered with gentle.
Sofia’s eyes darted around the room, clearly embarrassed, maybe even afraid of drawing attention. He knew this wasn’t fair to her, that she hadn’t signed up for this part of him—the anger, the unpredictability. It wasn’t in his nature to stay silent, to ignore things and walk away.
He could almost see it—feel it, like a familiar bruise under his skin. You’d shove him hard enough that he’d stumble back, half-pissed and half-shocked. You’d get in his face, not even close to scared, cutting through his spiral. “What the hell is wrong with you, Rafe? You wanna end up in jail over some loser? Grow up.”
If you’d been here, you wouldn’t have given him a choice. You’d have grabbed his arm and dragged him away, kept a grip on him until he’d snapped out of whatever dark place he’d dropped into. You’d push him until he finally let go, forced him to come down from that blinding fury and face the mess he’d just caused. It was the only way he’d ever been able to listen—when you pushed him to wake up, forced him to look at himself and see just how reckless, just how stupid he was about to be.
But Sofia? She had no idea.
She thought saying “you’re better than this” was going to do anything, that with a light touch and some empty words, he’d suddenly be calm, reasonable, soft.
But he’d never been that way, never with you, never with anyone.
She hadn’t done anything wrong; she’d just seen the version of him he’d wanted her to see. The version he’d put together, patched up and polished, all so he could convince himself he was something he wasn’t.
With her, it was easy to pretend. He could smooth his sharp edges, show her just enough of himself to keep her interested without letting her close enough to see the mess underneath.
He’d let her believe he was the kind of guy who could just calm down, let things slide. The kind of guy who’d listen. He’d wanted her to believe he was controlled, calm. Sofia’s softness had appealed to him, but now, it only highlighted the differences between them.
With you, he’d never had the luxury of pretending.
You’d seen through him from the start, never let him get away with putting on some act.
You hadn’t let him pretend to be better than he was, hadn’t let him off easy when he’d tried to brush things off or shut down. You knew every side of him, even the ones he’d rather ignore. You’d always known exactly who he was, who he wasn’t, and you’d never been afraid to remind him.
He didn’t want to let it go, didn’t want to give the guy an inch of leeway to think he’d won this. Rafe sighed and released his grip, his hand falling from the table as he finally stepped back. Sofia relaxed, giving him a relieved smile, but it only made him feel emptier.
“You talk about her again and I’ll fucking kill you, you hear me?”
The guy sputtered, looking down, embarrassed and shaken. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like an apology, but Rafe didn’t care enough to hear it.
Sofia’s hand was still on his tail when he left, and as soon as he walked out of earshot of the table, she followed him, crossing her arms. Her eyes narrowed with an expression he’d never seen from her —disbelief.
“What was that?”
Everything.
Rafe didn’t speak. He was staring past her, back at the group, mind far from the confrontation and miles away with thoughts of you. She seemed to notice, her lips pressing together.
“I can’t believe you did that. You threatened to kill him, Rafe. Over what, a stupid rumor?”
A stupid rumor? She was making him feel like he was out of control, irrational—even though he couldn’t explain why this mattered so much.
“You wouldn’t get it. It’s not your problem.”
She flinched a little, her face falling, but to her credit, she didn’t look away. “You’re right. I don’t get it. Tell me.”
He wanted to believe that it could work with Sofia.
Nice girl, pretty too. She laughed at his jokes, and she didn’t call him out on his bullshit, because she didn’t even know that side of him existed. On paper, she was perfect. But she wasn't you.
He looked back at her, her worried eyes scanning his face.
It was frustrating—seeing the fear, feeling her judgment when she didn’t even know what she was judging.
To her, this was just some meaningless outburst, something he could turn on and off at will. This wasn’t her fault. He knew that. He hated how this wasn’t something he couldn't put into words, not in any way that would make sense to her.
“Forget it, alright?” his tone was harsher than he meant.
Sofia shook her head, clearly not willing to let it drop this time.
“Why would you get so worked up over something like this?"
To her, that’s all this was—just noise, harmless, inconsequential.
She looked up at him expectantly, her brows furrowed in confusion, waiting for some reasonable answer.
And it pissed him off, how she kept waiting, expecting him to offer some calm, measured response when he didn’t even understand it himself.
Sofia’s eyes softened, but it only irritated him further.
“She’s nice,” Her words drifted out casually like she didn’t know she’d just cracked him open. “She defended me, last week, when I was serving brunch.”
He couldn’t stop the self-loathing.
You had always been that way—ready to defend anyone, even when you were the one hurting. Rafe winced, hating himself for it, hating that you could still be so good even after everything. He swallowed hard, keeping his expression blank.
“Did she?” he muttered, trying to sound indifferent.
“Yeah,” Sofia replied, watching his reaction with mild curiosity. “Guess I wouldn’t have expected that.”
Rafe’s jaw clenched, that familiar hurt in his chest.
His mind was already conjuring all the times you’d jumped in, backed people up, and called out anyone who crossed a line. Even when it came to people you barely knew.
It made him feel like the worst person in the world, knowing that you’d been there for Sofia of all people, that you’d shown her that same loyalty. It made him hate himself even more.
His phone buzzed, saving him from the inevitable conversation, his hand brushed the side of his face as he glanced down at the unknown number flashing across the screen. He didn’t hesitate, before swiping the answer button.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Cameron, this is Dr. Harris from the hospital,” the voice on the other end said. “We’ve been trying to reach Miss Thornton about the blood work results from her visit three days ago. Unfortunately, there’s been an issue with our system and a few patient’s data has been deleted, except for the emergency contact information.”
Rafe’s stomach dropped.
He was still your emergency contact, not by choice probably. The hospital was calling about your blood work.
Was something wrong?
His blood ran cold. “Is she okay? Did something happen?” The urgency in his tone made Sofia’s eyes widen again, her confusion growing.
“We’re concerned about a possible infection. We need to run more tests to rule it out, but the symptoms suggest it could be more complicated. We must check thoroughly to be sure.”
“An infection?”
“Yes, but it could be nothing serious. We just need her to come in as soon as possible for a follow-up,” Dr. Harris explained.
There was a pause as if he expected Rafe to say something reassuring or offer to pass on the message.
Sofia’s brows knitted together as she watched him. “Rafe?”
“I’ll tell her,” he said, the words cracked in his throat. The doctor thanked him and hung up.
He stared at the phone waiting for it to ring again with more news, a reassurance that this wasn’t as serious as it sounded.
You probably hadn’t changed your emergency contact because it slipped your mind.
He couldn’t stand the idea that something could be wrong, and he was not the one you called when you needed someone. All he’d ever done was mess things up between you.
“What’s going on?”
How the fuck was he going to tell you when you'd blocked him everywhere?
He couldn’t call, couldn’t text, couldn’t even show up unannounced without risking the usual argument that would end with you screaming at him to get out, or worse, you looking at him with that unforgiving stare.
He knew you’d locked every door, bolted every window to keep him out, and he deserved it.
“It’s nothing,” he said, the lie slipping out automatically. He could feel her studying him, waiting for another explanation he also didn’t have the patience to give.
Maybe Topper could help.
The irony wasn’t lost on him—he’d given your cousin the mission of checking in on you, playing the careful messenger while Rafe kept his distance. That was supposed to be him.
But the reality was you hated him now, hated him enough that Topper was a safer option and yet, the private information still landed on his lap. As if he still had the right to be in your orbit, let alone the person trusted with this kind of news.
It felt wrong.
He knew you were going to hate him even more for still having access to your private details. It wasn’t really his fault—the hospital called him. He should have hung up the moment the hospital mentioned your name, told them they had the wrong guy. But he didn’t. He listened.
“If you need to go—” she started, trailing off when he didn’t answer. Her voice softened, tentative. “It’s about her, isn’t it?”
Rafe’s jaw ticked, and he looked away, out at the horizon where the sun was setting. “Yeah,” he muttered, not bothering to lie this time.
His thumbs hovered over the keyboard. He typed something out, then deleted it, then typed again.
Finally, he just went with the simplest thing he could think of and hit send.
Can we meet up? Tannyhill in 30. I think I know what’s wrong.
He half-expected some lame excuse or joke from Topper. Instead, the text he got made the deep lines across his forehead make an appearance.
Shit, you do???
Did the fucker already know?
Did he suspect? Or was this just the kind of baited question someone asked when they thought they were the last to know something big?
He frowned, gripping the phone tighter.
If Topper did know, why hadn’t he said anything?
TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige
@rafebb @rafesbby @whytheylosttheirminds
@zyafics @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron
@serrendiipty @sunny1616 @yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog
@psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei
@stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog-deactivated2
@starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron au#rafe fic#rafe x reader#rafe cameron angst#toxic!rafe#toxic!reader#angst#itneverendshere works✨#rafe cameron series#rafe cameron outer banks#eventual smut#eventual fluff#just angst now#rafe cameron x kook!reader#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron obx#obx 4#obx rafe cameron#rafe x sofia
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/3e8d2e80dc20cd224cdd7bb4503f7a77/34e3ce39e686a422-5e/s540x810/03123f8b5d7a64ef5c3c9ceeaf7d445679a1247a.jpg)
☆ WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR PROFESSOR — NANAMI, TOJI, GETO, GOJO.
summary: you have sex with your professor. for many different reasons.
wc: 4.2k (each of these were meant to be 500 words long so idk what happened)
cw: smutty smut afab!reader who's in university, mutual masturbation, spanking, semi public sex, toji is not a professor but a gym coach who rails you in a supply closet, but theres a lot of sex on a lot of desks so mdni.
an: theres actually a smidge of plot in this just a tiny bit if you do a deep squint, but the smut id personally say is my best yet. so give it a chance people, but come for the smut stay for the dialogue. hope you enjoy! not proofread ignore mistakes pls
☆ NANAMI
nanami kento, was the strictest teacher you have ever had. you couldn’t get away with your usual tricks that you did with some of your other professors — strutting past their office during office hours in your skimpiest clothes to get a better grade. it was as if nanami was immune to all your devices.
but with a big exam coming up, you knew you had to make something happen since studying was not your forte. so you were prepared to do anything to get that A.
“come in," his deep voice calls from inside.
as you enter his office, you are met with the sight of your professor, his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, reviewing a stack of papers. he glances up at you briefly before returning his attention to his work.
"what can I help you with?" he ask, his tone professional.
“i wanted to see if we could talk about the exam you set for us tomorrow,” you start to say, his eyes still focused on his papers, not sparing you a glance. “i was thinking we could figure out a way for me to get extra credit… sir.”
you had his attention now. technically you’ve always had his attention — yes nanami was different to all the other professors you’ve ever had but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a man at the end of the day.
he always noticed the way you’d sit in his classroom, your pouty mouth always gnawing at your pencil as you never had a clue what was going on. nanami always had to hide his dick feeling tight in his trousers whenever you walk into his classroom. little did you know that you actually would’ve failed his class a long time ago, but because he just couldn’t let go of the sight of how your pretty tits bounce everytime you raise your hand, he always made you pass.
“well what are you willing to do for that extra credit?” he says, his tone slightly amused.
“whatever you want” you respond a bit too eagerly, you were coming onto him hard. but it was working, you could already see the crack in his usual stoic facade. “c’mon professor nanami, i need to pass this class,” you practically beg.
“oh yeah, you definitely need to pass this exam, you’re one more failed exam to flunking my whole class,” he affirms — lying through his teeth. “so i think you should come sit up here, and show me what you’re willing to do huh.”
suddenly, you start to feel nervous. usually you’d have control of the situation, you’d flaunt your ass, fuck your teacher and get an A, easily. but this time, you could see in nanami’s eyes that from when you entered his office — that he was running the show.
you saunter over his desk, and he pushes his seat back allowing you to have room to perch on his desk in front of him. “take off your shirt,” he commands, and you’re quick to fling off your top — that was barely covering anything anyways, “wow no bra, why am i not surprised.” he stares at your hardened nipples smirking as he continues to say, “you know i see your nipples peeking at me through your shit all the time in class.”
“really?” you question coyly.
“you don’t think i see how you practically fuck yourself in your seat when i’m doing a reading,” he continues, his arms folding as if he was telling you off, “a bit disrespectful, right?”
“no i-it’s just i really like the sound of your voice,” you stammer, embarrassed at him calling you out. you couldn’t deny that your professor was hot, everybody thought so and you hated school the only thing that got you through your classes was your day dreams of him fucking you.
“oh really, well i wanna see you get off to it for real this time.”
“wha—”
“touch yourself,” he demands with a grin, “fuck yourself on your fingers, put on a show for me,” he loosens his tie, and unbuttons his cuffs, ready to watch you perform for him, “and if you do well, then we could talk about your extra credit.”
you take off your pants, your hands moving directly to your throbbing pussy — since of course you had no panties on. you press your thumb down on your clit as your fingers work their way into your cunt. you were already soaked, just from hearing your professor speak to you, so it was easy to slide your digits in and out of you.
nanami’s grin grows wider, loving the way your work your pussy, “you not gonna play with your tits?” and you take his hint, your other hand sliding up to cup one of your boobs, your fingers pinching and pulling at your nipples. “good girl,” he praises.
you add another finger inside of you, writhing down hard on his desk against your digits. you quicken your pace, rubbing your thumb vigorously against your clit. his gaze on you served as an encouragement, your ultimate goal was shifted, at this point you didn’t care whether he passed or failed you — you just wanted to put on a good show for him.
“you gonna cum for me?” he taunts, the sound of your pussy squelching around your fingers as you drive them in is like music to his ears. you barely even noticed him fisting his dick, stroking it hard — matching the pace of your fingers hammers your cunt. “you gonna make a big mess for me all over my desk?”
“professor i-” you whine, wanting more than just your own fingers inside of you, “please i need—”
“professor? what was it that you called me earlier?” he teases, “remind me of that and then maybe i’ll give you what you’re begging for.”
“s-sir please,” you sputter, barely being able to string a sentence together. you could feel you were about to cum hard. your fingers were still drilling into your pussy, and your hands were still suctioned on your tit and nanami's dick was taunting you. “i need you.”
“you need me hmm?” he mocks, his eyebrow tilting as he stares at your fucked out face.
“yeah p-please i need your dick,” you beg, your pussy was gushing all over your fingers, as your strokes got sloppier, “i need you i-in me.”
“oh really?” he asks with a smirk, a slight chuckle as you nod eagerly, “well too bad.”
“wha—”
“you really thought i’d put my dick in a slutty student that’s not even smart enough to even pass my class?” he lectures, he tuts his teeth, shaking his head, “now finish off for me and leave office hours end in a few minutes.”
“f-fuck,” you moan out, you could barely even process his words, too busy focused on cumming all over your fingers to think about how he just denied you of what you really wanted, your hand falls off your tit, your head jerking back as your release over his desk. he’s quick to cum too, biting down on his fist to surpress the loud moan threatening to come out
“you really made a mess for me huh,” he observes, swiping his fingers across the pool of cum you left on his desk and bringing it into his mouth, “sweet.” you were at a loss for words, you were just coached through one of the best orgasms you ever had from your professor — and he didn’t even touch you — yet you still don’t know whether he’s gonna pass you or not.
“so about that exam…?” you voice trails, as you put back on your shirt, hopping of his desk.
“i’ll think about it, sit the exam first and i’ll see what i can do,” his voice turns serious, and he nods his head in the direction for you to leave indicating for you to get up out of his office. but just before you're about to leave the room he calls out to you, “oi.”
“thanks for the live show.”
☆ TOJI
“why do we always have to fuck in such awkward spaces,” you complain nearly tripping on a basketball as toji holds you upright.
“you know you love it baby,” he smirks, pressing a kiss to your cheek, thrusting up into you further.
you were in the gym supply closet, having your weekly sex with your university's gym teacher. you don’t even know how your little routine came about but once he started to hammer into you every friday after basketball practice, you’ve never missed a meet up.
“don’t call me that,” you groan out at the use of his pet name.
“why not?” he grumbles, cupping your tits with his hands as he stands behind you, “aren’t you students s’pposed to listen to your teachers and all that.”
you take a sharp inhale as his large hands smother your boobs, his thick things toy with your nipples, “but y-you aren’t a real teacher, in case you forgot.”
“am too,” he mutters like a child.
“a-are not,” you spit back just as childishly.
“am, too,” he persists, thrusting into you hard. pushing you down by your nape, forcing your hands to grip onto some random gym apparatus. he uses his foot to spread your legs apart wider so he can fit right behind you. fucking into you with something to prove.
“you teach gym to a bunch of brain dead j-jocks, wouldn’t say that classifies as being an actual professor toji.” you continue riling him up, biting your lip as his hammers into you harder. “you’re more like a glorified personal trainer than a teacher.”
he drives into you deeper, “oh and your just an uppity bitch, who still ended up fucking this ‘personal teacher,’ in a gym closet,” his mouth moves close to your ear, as he whispers, “so what does that say about you baby?” he presses a kiss underneath your ear lobe, before lightly sucking on it.
his words go straight to your core, him calling you an ‘uppity bitch’ had the exact effect he intended them to have — you throwing your ass on his dick, fucking him back as hard as he was fucking you.
he sends a smack to your ass, biting his lip as it ripples at the contact of his palm. his slaps were merciless, having you scream out every time he hits your cheek. “how’s this for a glorified personal trainer huh?” he coos in your ear, feeling dignified as you rut against him more feigning for more of his dick in your throbbing pussy.
“ah you f-fill me up s-so so good,” you mewl out, as his dick pumps in and out of you stuffing you with every thrust. his mouth latches onto the nape of your neck, sucking on it as he ploughs into you deeper, hitting your spot with pinpoint accuracy.
“i know i do baby, i always stuff you good don’t i?” he groans out, your pussy was a vice grip on his dick, had him suppressing his moans whenever you clenched around him, “don’t know why you fuck around with these lame ass boys in your classes, they can’t fuck you like i do. do they?”
“well…” you voice trails in a teasing tone.
“dont f-fucking play with me,” he sputters, feeling himself about to bust all inside of you, “i’m the only one you fucking right,” when he doesn’t hear an immediate answer, he shoves himself into you his hips pushing right against your ass, “right?”
“y-yes fuck, right,” you sigh rolling your eyes at his act of possessiveness — ignoring how you pussy got even wetter at his words. “you’re the b-best i ever had, toji.”
“you’re damn right i am,” he scoffs out giving your ass one final slap as he says, “you going finish all over my dick, c’mon baby coat my dick with your sweet sweet,” and you do just that. you cum with a cry, releasing all over toji, as he shoots into you a loud groan leaving his mouth.
“aww i forgot how loud you get for me,” you tease him as he pulls out of you, turning to look at him with a grin, which he huffs out, “anyways what did i tell you about cumming in me, i'm not one of those cheerleaders you run around with,” you fuss swatting at his chest.
“yeah you aren’t one of the cheerleaders i run around with,” he repeats, “hence why i can cum in you, you know you’re my favourite fuck out of all my students”
“ugh you’re so gross.”
“you say that with my cum running down your legs,” he says, giving you a pointed look, his eyes staring down at your thighs, “i do have another hour till my next class i gotta teach, so i could clean it up for you?” he offers, already going down to his knees, knowing that was a suggestion you would not deny.
“if you insist.”
he starts to suck against your thighs as you lean against the wall, sandwiched between a goal post and a hockey stick, but just before his lips latch onto your pussy, he looks up to you with a pout, “do you really think gym coaches aren’t teachers?”
“oh shut up toji,” you mutter, pushing his head to your cunt.
☆ GETO
you storm into your professors office, pissed off. professor geto was the worst teacher you’ve ever had. he was cocky, arrogant and most of the time he didn’t have a clue what he was teaching.
“ah miss know it all,” he muses, his personal nickname he created for you during his first semester of being your professor, “to what do i owe the pleasure this time.” you were no stranger to geto’s office, you were practically the only student that actually used his office hours. geto didn’t mind it though. the unplanned visits, your impoliteness — he was amused by it.
“could you explain why you gave me a B, on my last paper?” you interrogate, waving said essay in his face furiously, “when we both know that this is easily worth an A.”
“i just think you could do better,” he shrugs nonchalantly, “i just think you haven’t harnessed your true potential, that’s all.” geto knew you were smart, the smartest person he’s ever taught. he just needed to get you in his office. and he knew a below average grade on an essay, that didn’t even matter, was the way to do that.
“and what do you know about potential?” you mutter, more to yourself than anything, “i don’t even know how you managed to get this job.”
he rolls his eyes at your comments, “do you really want this A?”
"of course i want the stupid A," you reply, your tone determined. "i've put in the effort, and i've met all the requirements for this paper. there's no reason for you to give me a B except for your own personal bias against me."
“personal bias? some may argue that you’re actually my favourite?” geto leans back in his chair, a sly grin on his face. "but alright, then. here's the deal," he says, folding his arms. "if you can convince me right now, in this very moment, that you deserve an A for this paper, i'll change your grade. but you'll have to persuade me.”
“persuade you?” you retort, “what you want me to do a powerpoint presentation or something…?”
he chuckles, shaking his head at your naivety, for someone so smart you somehow lack social awareness, “no i wanna see if you taste as good as you look.”
“you mean…” your voice trails, finally catching on to what he was getting at.
“come lay down on my desk,” he says casually as if this was a usual ordeal between the two of you. he could see you hesitating, “you do want that A right?”
your feet were stuck in the ground, you never wanted to be one of those girls — ones that had to fuck a teacher just to get through university. but, regardless of your below A grade, you were more curious about what it would actually be like. especially with a professor that looked like geto.
you lay down on his desk, nervous, you could feel his breath on your stomach as he slides down your jeans. he was kneeling down, his face at the same level as your pussy. he toys with your underwear, pulling at it and snapping it against your skin, giving you a smile of approval in your choice of panties. but just before he pulls them off you he asks, “you sure you want to do it smarty? you can run back to your dorm if you want?”
“anything to get the A,” you grit out, basically lying, since getting your grade improved was the last thing on your mind as he pulls off your underwear.
he takes his hair — that was usually tied up in bun — down, releasing his long hair, “just in case you need something to pull on,” he smirks.
his fingers slide across your wet slit, spreading your lips. he presses a kiss on your clit, slightly nibbling on it before working his mouth down to your pussy. you gasp at the contact as he latches his mouth on you, his tongue darting into your cunt at a quick pace.
geto hums in satisfaction as you hands immediately go to grab his hair, pulling at it as his tongue gives you long strokes, lapping up all the juices already spilling out of you. “i didn’t think my star student would be this needy, if only the class could see you now.” he taunts lifting his head up, “i guess they wouldn’t be surprised though, your as hungry for my tongue as you are to answer questions in class,” he finishes with a chuckle pressing a kiss to your thigh.
but you’re quick to silence him, clenching your thighs against his head, “s-shut up,” you whine, thrusting your hips up in his face to meet his tongue. your head was swirling, you could barely remember how you ended up on your professors desk in the first place. but all you were focused on was clawing your fingers through his scalp as he slurps and sucks on your pussy.
“oh m-my god,” you murmur, soaking his face. he could tell by the way you pushing his face deeper into your cunt, his nose forced into your arousal that you were close.
“ready to let me taste you” he asks, his voice sending vibrations over your pussy, “wanna taste you so fucking bad.”
“fuck d-didn’t think it’ll be this g-good,” you whine out. he brings his thumb to you clit rubbing it as fast as he could taking you over the edge. you moan out, practically squealing, as you squirt all over his face. he smirks, trying to get as much as it as he can.
“i didn’t know my star student could squirt,” he teases, his mouth glistening with evidence of you, “or should i call you my star squirter.”
“haha, very funny…” you deadpan, becoming slightly shy at seeing him lick his lips wiping the last remains of you off of him.
“i guess my theory was right,” he concludes.
“what theory?” you ask, puzzled, forgetting the whole reason you let him eat you out in the first place.
“you do taste as good as you look,” he comments with a pleased grin, already reminiscing about you squirting all over his face.
“so about my A?” you ask pulling up your jeans, and collecting your things.
“yeah i’ll expect your rewrite on my desk by friday,” he shrugs, going back to his nonchalant persona.
“rewrite? did you not promise me an A if i can ‘persuade you,’ at how badly i want it?” you question, going back to your original state of being pissed off, “did i not persuade you mr ‘you do taste as good as you look.’ this is so unfair”
“ask me if i care about fairness?” he smirks, a laugh leaving his lips as he watches you storm out of his office, “hey! you left your underwear,” he calls out behind you, his laugh growing as you say nothing, putting up your middle finger at him and slamming his door shut.
☆ GOJO
“do you want to lose your job?” you chastise, “shut the fuck up.”
“but i can’t help it,” he purrs, nuzzling into your neck to suppress his non stop moans and whines that he was doing as he pushed his dick in you, “your pussy’s just too good.”
you were leaning against the desk of your professor gojo’s lecture hall, your legs wrapped around his bag as he hoisted you up, grinding his body against yours as his dick drives in your pussy.
it was after hours, and gojo forgot to lock his classroom doors. as soon as your peers left the room he was quick to put his lips on yours, throwing all the stationary on his desk on the floor in the most dramatic fashion ever.
you don’t know how you got entangled in a relationship with your teacher. since you didn’t actually benefit from it, and he was needier and clingier than an actual student your age. but the mind blowing orgasms he gave you every now and again made you forget all of his ‘bad qualities.’
“c’mon don’t tell me it’s not making you feel wetter,” he murmurs in between kisses, “the idea of someone walking in on me fucking your pretty little pussy.” you ignore him, your arms tightening around his neck as you bounce on his dick. “tell me that doesn’t make you hot,” he eases his dick out of you slightly, drawing both of your attention to his member already covered in your juices. his eyebrows raise when you look back at him as if he’s just proved his point.
“whatever, i guess the idea of us getting caught isn’t that bad,” you lie, knowing it was causing you to get better, “but if we do get caught then it's your ass gojo.”
“aww you’re so thoughtful,” he coos, “you really care about me and my job, will you miss me if i get fired?”
“well i’ll miss my on campus dick,” you mutter, scratching at his back, as he thrusts into you deeper, “but i’ll be able to replace you quickly i guess.”
“oh how you wound me,” he mocks, pulling you into a deep kiss, desperate to taste you. that was gojo’s favourite thing to do to you, of course your pussy was great, but your lips were his favourite thing. sometimes he’d even drag you out of the hallway into his office —not a care in the world if anyone was around— and pull you into his lap just shove his tongue into your mouth and fondle your tits.
for a lousy professor, gojo sure knew your body well. he knew every spot to hit, every place to kiss, every stroke to make and you loved it. the scratches you were giving him on his back, encouraging him to go deeper, stuffing you to the brim. “f-fuckk you take me so so well,” he moans in your ear, whining and grunting as you tighten your hold around him.
“i’m close,” he mutters, his pace slowing. he lowers you down so your back is laying on the desk and he swoops his mouth down to your tits. enveloping your left breast with his mouth, greedily suckling at it.
“wow already?” you taunt, “you’ve really lost your touch professor, when i was an undergrad we could go at it for days.” his mouth pauses, as he looks up at you with a pointed look that reads as ‘girl really? as if you aren’t close.’ he wasn’t wrong, from his deep long strokes in your pussy, and his tongue twisting on your nipples, you were ready to cum all over him.
“gojo shit,” you curse, your hand coming down to your clit, flicking at it fast to speed up your orgasm. but gojo slaps your hand away, almost offended that you would try to cum off of something other than his hands and mouth. he bites down on your nipple, punishingly and that sends you overboard. you let out a shriek as you cum all over his dick, your hand quickly coming over your mouth to suppress your whines.
“what happened to being quiet huh?” he mocks your warning from earlier, “don’t want to get caught, do we now?” but he’s quick to let out a deep moan, as he releases into you, spraying your walls with all your cum. he slumps over you, exhausted, and wanting to just feel you — gojo was always needy after sex.
after you both come down from your highs and clean up — thankful that nobody stumbled across you. gojo pulls you into his lap, dabbing kisses all over your neck, “so when you gonna let me take you out, outside the classroom?”
“y’know that’s not allowed right?” you remind him, looking at your professor as if he’s lost his mind, “what we’re doing now isn’t allowed, but out in public is a no go, gojo.”
“not allowed?” he retorts, as if it’s news to him, “i thought it was just heavily frowned upon?!”
an: sooo what did you think? which one was your favourite. me personal lame gym coach toji really did it for me. tagging my girl @jabamin mainly just for nanami. but yes ALSO IDK WHY I MADE THE READER DUMB IN THE NANAMI FIC, but I juxtaposed it by making you super smart in the geto fic so it balances it out. anyways lmk what you thought, thanks for reading!! DONT USE MY DIVIDERS
#stampedwithanE★#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujustsu kaisen x reader#toji x reader#toji smut#nanami x reader#nanami smut#gojo x reader#geto x reader#geto smut#gojo smut#gojo satoru x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#jjk fic#geto suguru x reader#nanami kento x reader
16K notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/577d4cdc9a69396df8e7ccbcdfd2a253/8196921123577674-33/s540x810/a168f57d9d675b388f84ee189a4536beffe1f52c.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/05ffcee934cfb0e40b8519c45a0e2ee6/8196921123577674-9c/s540x810/c30a8df5b028e0def413d962461419df97bd237d.jpg)
staff!jeonghan
WARNINGS: fluff, smut, fame problems, paris trip, idol!reader is a sweetheart with her staff team, teasing, hair pulling, makeup smudging hair destroying sex, face slap, paris sex.
staff!jeonghan who started way back when your career was just taking off. you were still fresh, the kind of new that had people curious but not quite sold on the idea of you making it long term. jeonghan wasn’t even supposed to be sticking around. dude was just a freelancer, floating between gigs like it was nothing. hairdresser one week, stylist the next, maybe even photographer’s assistant if he felt like it. didn’t care much either—just did his job, got his check, and dipped.
he was there the first time you came in for a shoot, thinking, oh, here we go again, another idol who doesn’t know shit about shit, and probably treats their staff like trash. honestly, he didn’t expect anything from you. he had his walls up like crazy. you’d been doing this for, what, a hot minute? and you were already getting attention, which just made him think, “yep, this one’s probably the snobby kind. won’t even acknowledge us when she’s walking by.”
but then you went and did the most surprising thing—like blew his expectations out of the water kinda surprise. you saw him—no, not just like saw him, but like saw him. took a minute to actually chat. asked how his day was, if he needed anything while he was running around fixing the stage lights or whatever. you even remembered his name by the end of the first day, which? yeah, idols usually don’t bother with that.
fast forward a couple months, and jeonghan’s still hanging around. he didn’t plan to stay, but something about you changed that. it wasn’t even the work, really. it was more like you made things different for the whole staff—hairdressers, makeup artists, stylists, all of them. you had this habit of, like, breaking all the usual rules. you’d bring coffee for everyone in the morning, none of that half-assed, "just for my personal team" bullshit, you made sure everyone was taken care of, because they take care of you as welll.
then there was that time when you randomly called up your manager one day like, "hey, i’m taking everyone out to eat after the shoot." and jeonghan was standing there, trying not to look too surprised, but inside he was like, who the hell does that? especially in this industry where staff usually gets a handshake and a “thanks for your work” at most. while you’re out here throwing cash around to make sure your team is happy. it’s wild.
he remembers the first time you handed out those holiday bonuses. it wasn’t even from the company’s budget either; it was straight up from your own wallet. like, your money. you didn’t even make a big deal about it, just casually handed out envelopes and said, “merry christmas, you guys.” you should’ve seen their faces—everyone was shook, even him, and he doesn’t get surprised that easily. it was one of those moments where the room just, like, collectively inhaled. there was silence, and then someone—probably one of the stylists—goes, “y/n, this is... you didn’t have to...”
and you? you just shrugged, all casual, like it was no big deal. “nah, i wanted to. thank you for taking care of me, you make part of all of this too.” you pointed to the stage.
jeonghan couldn’t even look at you right for a second because it was, like, damn, okay, she’s for real. that was the moment he decided he wasn’t just gonna treat this gig like all the others. working with you? yeah, it felt different. and not in some sappy, fairytale shit kind of way, but in a “maybe there are still people in this industry who aren’t complete assholes” kind of way.
“so you’re sticking around, hannie?” you asked him one day, catching him off guard while he was fixing up your jacket right before a stage performance.
he smirked, his usual cocky, nonchalant self, but there was something softer underneath it. “guess i don’t have a choice. you make it too easy.”
he was your go-to guy now, the one you trusted with everything, from making sure your hair wasn’t fucked up during press tours to giving you a reality check when you were stressing over the dumbest things. and he liked that. he liked being the one you leaned on when you didn’t wanna bother anyone else.
but it was more than that too. you were just different. the way you treated people, the way you made sure everyone around you felt seen, felt valued? it wasn’t fake. it wasn’t for show. it was you. and jeonghan? well, he wasn’t the kind of guy to stick around just for anyone. but for you? yeah, maybe he’d go the long haul.
jeonghan was always there, like a constant shadow that somehow made everything feel lighter instead of heavier. as your career blew up, he didn’t just keep pace—he matched your energy, your needs, every twist and turn that came with your fame. whether it was press tours, backstage chaos, or those ridiculous interviews where some clueless host would try to push your boundaries, he was always ready.
you’d be in the middle of a tv show, mind racing, and then there’d be a subtle shift. jeonghan standing just offstage, watching with a sharp, gaze of his. and it wasn’t like he had to do much—sometimes just a look was enough to let you know he had your back. like that time they tried to switch up your routine last minute, making changes that didn’t sit right with you. you didn’t even need to speak up, though. before you could say a word, he was already stepping in, throwing that effortless, yet somehow intimidating smile toward the team. “nah, we’re sticking with the original plan. my artist doesn’t do changes without notice.”
“your artist,” you’d hear him say that a lot, like a protective label stamped right over you, like you belonged to him—not in a possessive way, but in a way that made you feel safe. secure.
it wasn’t just about the work either, not even close. jeonghan made the loneliness that came with fame feel less suffocating. that part of fame nobody talks about—the part where you can’t make real friends anymore, where every new person in your life feels temporary, transactional. except him. he was loyal.
when you had those long, grueling days full of photoshoots and interviews and events, and all you wanted was to escape, jeonghan was the one who made sure you still had a piece of normal.
like that one time in paris. you were there for a fashion show, sitting front row with all these industry giants who couldn’t care less about anything but themselves, and jeonghan was right beside you, but afterward, when it was just the two of you, he was the one who dragged you to some random hole-in-the-wall restaurant down the street, far from all the cameras and flashing lights, ordering too much food and laughing at how terrible your french was.
“you know, you’re lucky you’ve got me,” he teased, watching you struggle with the menu. “otherwise, you’d be stuck ordering water and bread for the rest of the trip.”
you elbowed him playfully. “i’m just trying to be cultured, okay?”
“sure, sure,” he snickered, but the grin on his face was soft, like he was glad to be there with you. “leave the culture to me.”
he was there on the quieter days too. you’d be at home, no schedule to follow for once, just free. but that freedom? it felt empty when you didn’t have anyone to share it with. jeonghan got that. he’d show up at your place without even needing an invitation, like he just knew when you needed him there. sometimes he wouldn’t even knock. you’d just hear the door click open and his familiar voice, “you better not be working in there.”
you’d laugh, shouting back from wherever you were in the apartment, “i’m not, calm down.”
next thing you knew, he’d be on the floor of your pristine living room, surrounded by lego pieces because, for some reason, that’s what the two of you did on your days off. it was ridiculous, really, two adults crouched over colorful plastic blocks, but it made you feel like a kid again, like before everything got so complicated.
you’d crouch down next to him, watching his hands move, and without thinking, you’d wrap your arms around him from behind, pressing your cheek against his shoulder. it wasn’t even romaaaantic, more like instinct. jeonghan had this way of making you feel safe, like you didn’t have to be the perfect version of yourself all the time. you could just be you. and hugging him like that, clinging onto him like a koala, it was the only way you knew how to show him just how much he meant to you.
“you’re clingy today,” he murmured, but there was no complaint in his voice, just that familiar teasing.
“you’re soft,” you shot back, squeezing him tighter, feeling the warmth of his body against yours. his cologne was subtle but always the same, something that reminded you of quiet, peaceful moments, like this.
he tilted his head a little, catching your eyes “oh, yeah? not what you said last time.”
you puffed your cheeks out, crossing your arms dramatically, the sulk settling in. “i’m done being clingy with you, jeonghan.”
he grinned like he was waiting for that exact reaction. it’s almost like he lived for these moments—when you’d pout and try to act all tough, but really? he knew exactly where this was headed. you weren’t fooling anyone, especially not him.
“oh yeah?” he tilted his head, gaze dripping with amusement as he leaned in, close enough that his breath brushed your ear. “you sure about that?”
you tried to hold firm, but the way his voice dropped a little lower, teasing. you shifted your weight, crossing your legs under you on the living room floor, avoiding eye contact. “mmhmm. you’ll see.”
jeonghan let out a soft chuckle, leaning back and watching you with a glint in his eyes, like he was just waiting for you to crack. “you’re too cute when you sulk, y’know that?”
your heart fluttered, but you bit down on the inside of your cheek, determined to keep up the act. “whatever.”
he moved closer, a hand sliding around your waist, tugging you just enough so that your body leaned into his. “nah, don’t pout, baby,” he murmured, lips brushing lightly against your jaw. “we both know how this ends.”
and he was right. because, every time you tried to act like you were done with him, like you were going to keep your distance, it only ended one way—with you wet underneath him, a needy mess, begging for more.
like that first time in paris. paris had done something to the both of you. it was supposed to be a normal night, just you and him hanging out after the fashion show. nothing special, just another city on the endless list of places you’d been together. but somehow, that night went different. the second the hotel room door clicked shut behind you, you’d scarcely made it through the door before his hands were on you, grabbing, pulling, claiming.
“thought you were gonna keep your distance,” jeonghan had teased as he pressed you up against the wall, his lips trailing down your neck, making your knees weak.
you were already panting, feeling the warmness of him beaming off his body. “shut up, hannie.”
he chuckled against your skin, his tongue flicking out to taste you, making you gasp. “aww, so cute when you’re needy.”
and fuck, were you needy. by the time he’d pushed you onto the bed, tugging at your clothes, you were already whimpering for him, already soaked.
he’d dragged you to the edge, rough hands all over your body, pulling, squeezing, leaving marks everywhere. your hair had been perfect for the show, all sleek and done up, but that shit didn’t last long. the second he had his fist tangled in it, pulling your head back, it was ruined. thrusting into you from behind, his cock splitting you in half with each brutal thrust. “such a fucking mess.”
you’d tried to keep quiet, biting down on the pillow as your body rocked with every movement, but every time you let out a whiny moan, jeonghan was right there to mock you for it.
“aww, hannie’s being too harsh?” he cooed, as he tries to sound sweet. “hm? poor baby can’t take it?”
you’d only moaned louder, your body trembling as he slapped your ass, the sting making you cry out. he’d leaned down then, his breath hot against your ear as he whispered, “use your words, sweetheart. tell hannie how bad you want it.”
you couldn’t even speak, just a mess of broken moans and gasps as he kept slamming into you, the sound of skin against skin echoing through the room. and just when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore, when you were right on the edge, that’s when he did it. his hand came up to your face, smudging the glitter from the show as he slapped you—not enough to really hurt. he is a careful guy.
“fuck, y/n, look at you. such a pretty little mess,” he groaned, his grip on your hair tightening as he pounded into you from behind, relentless. “you gonna come for me? c’mon, baby, let me hear it.”
you whimpered, nodding, your mind spinning as his cock hit that perfect spot over and over, making you roll your eyes, drool, everything u had right of. but just as you were about to cum, he pulled out, leaving you empty and desperate.
“aww, no no no, not yet,” jeonghan cooed, a wicked grin on his face as he turned you onto your back, pushing your legs open wide. “hannie’s not done with you.”
your heart pounded, your entire body aching for release, but you didn’t dare move. he was in control, and you knew better than to push him.
“what’s the matter, baby?” he leaned down, his lips brushing over yours as he teased you. “too much?”
you shook your head, barely able to get the words out. “n-no… please…”
his smirk widened, that wicked glint in his eyes making you shiver. “please what? gotta tell me what you want, sweetheart.”
you whimpered, your hands gripping the sheets as you looked up at him, desperate. “please… fuck me…”
“good girl.”
#seventeen headcanons#seventeen imagines#seventeen reactions#seventeen scenarios#seventeen x reader#seventeen#seventeen smut#svt imagines#svt smut#jeonghan smut#jeonghan#yoon jeonghan#jeonghan x reader#jeonghan fanfic#jeonghan x y/n#jeonghan x you#yoon jeonghan x reader#yoon jeonghan smut#yoon jeonghan fanfic#yoon jeonghan x you#svt reactions#svt#svt x reader#svt fluff#seventeen fanfic#seventeen angst#seventeen au
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Some Guy Bingo
Masterpost.
Nearly three months into (what Jason called) The Haunting, the siblings kinda started a game. (“Either we're haunting him or he's haunting us, I haven't decided yet." "Considering he's the one appearing randomly, I'd say he's haunting us.")
Technically Tim had started it with, “five bucks says Danny went to class today.” (Gotham university was having an out break of fear toxin curtesy of Dr. Crane.) However, it was Jason who kicked it off with, “ten if he says something about actual scarecrows.”
Dick had snorted and said, “fifteen if it’s a personal experience about a farm.”
“I call bingo if he makes a vague statement on agriculture.” So it was actually Steph who started it.
“Bingo? We were placing bets.”
“Unlike you Hood, some people don’t get adopted by money.”
“As if Bruce doesn’t give you an allowance.”
(“As if he didn’t offer to adopt you,” Tim tacked on.)
It became a running joke where they started calling out "bingo if -" whenever they had to go out on a call. The joke had later formed into a running game when Danny had told Cass, “fighting gods is a pass-time, it is humanity that the real fight is against.” (He had trip over a curb and laid on the ground for several minutes before she asked if he was okay.) She said it wasn’t the most concerning thing he said to her and Steph chimed in claiming, “on a scale of one to ten that statement rates at a three.”
Jason had asked why Cass and Steph always got the weird ambiguous statements and he got cryptic shit about his “soul”.
(Damian had pointed out that at least he wasn’t being constantly referred to as a baby.)
I Call Bingo, which they still played whenever a situation required more than one of them, became “on a scale”
Dick was sure that “having given up on optimism, I find your enthusiasm to be overly bright” should be ranked higher then “I don’t like two-stepping but I’m from the mid-west, so do you know how to line dance?” (Danny and Duke had gotten into an awkward side step where they kept blocking each other.) Damian said the wording seemed passive-aggressive but the tone was too positive to be rude so he gave it a three. Jason said it sounded like a bad pick up line and gave it a two.
They often debated and defended the score they gave with Barbara chiming in over coms. She had never met Danny as Oracle but he was a regular at the public library. He was always polite and respectful and had quickly become one of her favorite patrons. Like Steph and Cass she also got odd statements but hers felt more like half-hearted jokes.
Bruce didn't always join in on their game but it wasn't surprising to see the occasional score placed in their reports. (They had a file dedicated to Danny's remarks. Originally it was to keep track of what they knew about him but at this point it was just to let the others know what he said this time.) Alfred was roped into it even if he didn't really participate unless asked. ("Hey Alfie, what would you give 'i'm glad i don't have to fight my food to eat it but if Batburger keeps giving me the wrong thing I'm summoning Lunch Lady.' Cause Tim says two but I think it's a five.") (He gave it a four.)
Post 4
#I just realized that i'd been forgetting Barbara and that is unacceptable#i hope this is coherent#danny is just some guy#the batfam are mostly use to him#batfamily#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp crossover#dp x dc crossover#danny fenton#danny phantom
3K notes
·
View notes