#i’m sorry for ranting it’s just like. ‘girls’ (in scare quotes because they just mean afab lmao) get diagnosed in childhood too

[getoheaven]

don’t like the vibe of this at all. i feel like this would assign me “girl autism” because i’m like a stereotypical people-pleasing pussy at birth autist except i got diagnosed as a little kid & got mistreated by medical professionals as much as any other person seeking an autism diagnosis. in fact, my having a diagnosis fundamentally did not influence the way i grew up as an autistic person lol it literally just meant i had a word i was too ashamed to use as a kid because it was like putting a target on my back for my peers, who already treated me bad because i behaved “weird”.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || He Thinks You’re Cheating [Request]

CHAN:

Trust was everything in your relationship between you and Chan, you trusted him to go off and tour the world and you thought he trusted you to be loyal to him but lately, he'd been acting so odd around you. Since you were working more often than not lately it had been getting harder to spend time with your boyfriend who was already busy enough without you throwing your schedule into the mix. 

"You've been working all week and you're telling me you don't have the weekend off?" You could hear just how annoyed he was about you cancelling your weekend together but you couldn't help it when your boss was behind which meant your whole department was behind and had to stay to help him out.

"My boss is behind Chan, you know what that means." You sighed as you tried to get it through to him but he just began sighing and shaking his head despite you not being in the same room as him, 

"I do, it means my own girlfriend is making excuses. Look, if you're sleeping with the guy let me know so I can get over this quickly," He snapped before hanging up the phone leaving you shocked as you stared down at the mobile in your hands, instead of staying to work you made an excuse of being sick and left without another word. Heading straight to the dorms to figure this out with Chan, there was no way he could get away with accusing you of something like that and leaving without another word. 

"You think I would cheat on you?" You questioned as you walked through the door, he was home alone as he glanced up from his laptop, 

"You've decided to grace me with your presence!" The sarcasm oozed from his voice as you rolled your eyes at him, you didn't want this to turn into some stupid fight that was over nothing. 

"There's nothing going on between me and my boss," You spoke calmly knowing that if you got angry he would double down on his thoughts about cheating. 

"Please, all that time you spend with him? All the 'extra hours'." He said sarcastically as he air quoted his words but you shook your head, sitting down on the sofa and sighing as he continued to rant about all the time you'd been spending at work lately but you couldn't hold it back anymore. 

"I work all the time because I need to pay my bills Chan! My stupid landlord raised my rent and I can't afford it!" You finally cried out, admitting to him that you were struggling with money as tears ran down your face,

"I would never cheat on you, I would never do anything to hurt you," You sobbed into your hands as you finally broke down, the weight of being almost kicked out and dumped hitting you all at once but as soon as Chan saw you crying he cradled you in his arms.

"Y/n I'm so sorry, I-I didn't think." He whispered as he continued to soothe you, rubbing your back as you cried into his arms.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered as he rocked you back and forth,

"I didn't want you to try and help, you always try and give me money you know I can't take," You sniffled as he held you closer to him, not letting you go for even a second as he rocked you. 

"Then how about I don't give you money...I-I buy us a place together..." He suggested as he pulled away to look into your eyes, you frowned wondering if he meant it but he smiled at you and that smile could relax you every moment of every day. 

"Think about it first," He whispered, kissing you softly before going to make you a hot drink and get you some food.

MINHO:

It came as no surprise to you when Minho thought you were cheating on him with one of his members, you were close with all of the boys but Minho was a little insecure when it came to relationships but you didn't blame him since his ex cheated on him. 

"Do you really think I would do that to you?" You questioned as he sat across from you on the bed in his bedroom, Felix and you had been asleep on the sofa together when he walked in. 

"I-I don't know, yes." He was stuttering as he spoke to you and you knew it was past experiences clouding his judgement so you couldn't hold it against him, 

"I walked in and you were asleep...H-He had his arm around you, you were snuggled against him and I-"

"We fell asleep watching a movie Minnie," You cooed as you reached out to touch him, trying to relax him but he moved his hand away from yours and shook his head. 

"You never cuddle like that, if he's just a friend you shouldn't have cuddled like that," You knew it looked bad to someone who had been in a situation where they had been cheated on before and you knew there was nothing you could say to him that would put his mind at ease.

"There would never be anything between Lix and I, he's like a little brother to me." You whispered as you nudged his hand, taking it into yours and locking your fingers together as he sighed. 

"She's right...We didn't mean to sleep like that, we were watching a movie and we just got too comfortable," Minho looked at you both and then back to looking at just you, searching in your eyes for any indication that you were lying, he knew you were never a very good liar and as soon as he saw how upset you were he hugged you. 

"I'm sorry." He whispered over and over again while you tried to convince him that it was fine, he didn't outright accuse you and that you understood why he was so scared about it. 

CHANGBIN:

Changbin wasn't normally the over protective snoop through your phone kind of guy but as of late he'd been getting anxious about your relationship, whenever you were together you were always on your phone, laughing or smiling at it while you text back and forth with someone and whenever Changbin would ask what it was about you would shoot him down but he'd had enough of it, he needed to make sure you weren't cheating on him. 

"Binnie?" You gasped as you walked back into the bedroom to find him trying to unlock your phone but it looked as though he didn't know the password to your phone as he struggled,

"What are you doing?" You snatched your phone away from him placing it down onto the bed as you stared at him waiting for some kind of excuse but he was done,

"I want to know who you've been texting so much, who's making you smile this much..." You could hear the hurt in his voice as he said it to you, you knew he'd been desperate to see what you were doing but it was supposed to be a surprise, 

"It's no one Binnie, please just sit down." You tried to calm him but he stepped away from you shaking his head as tears welled up in his eyes, 

"No, you're cheating on me...Aren't you? That's the reason you hide your phone and you're always laughing and smiling at it." He was blowing everything out of proportion and you knew that it was only going to get worse the more you denied it or told him that he was imagining things.

"Don't tell me I'm imagining it, I'm not. I see you all of the time," You knew how bad it must have looked so you sighed at him, shaking your head as you handed him your phone. 

"The password is your birthday," You whispered waiting for him to see who you had been texting all of this time behind his back and you saw the blush creep onto his cheeks. 

"Wooyoung and I were planning on bringing him to the dorms to surprise you," You admitted as he read through the messages, finding memes of Changbin back and forth to one another, 

"See...Nothing is going on behind your back but you better act surprised when Wooyoung gets here tomorrow," You pouted as you sat down on the bed with Changbin, he hugged you tightly whispering to you how sorry he was for accusing you of something so harsh.

HYUNJIN:

Hyunjin had been under the impression that when you said that you were going to lunch with a coworker it meant you were going to be with another female co-worker but when he walked by your local cafe to see you sitting with another man he freaked out in the inside, coming up with all the ways you would be cheating on him. 

"You're being overdramatic, I would never cheat on you least of all with Rylan," You laughed at the thought of it but Hyunjin wasn't finding any of this funny, all he could picture was you and Rylan sitting so close to one another, you were almost sitting in his lap. 

"You could have been kissing him! You were practically sat on him!" He yelled out making you roll your eyes, you knew Hyunjin was dramatic but you didn't expect him to overdramatise everything that happened in your life.

"There wasn't much space, I sat close to him so a woman with a baby could get in," You tried to defend yourself but Hyunjin was already clear in his mind what was happening behind his back even if it wasn't true. 

"So you just so happened not to tell me you were going out with a male for lunch?"

"I didn't think it was a big deal, you eat with girls at work all of the time and I don't get jealous and accuse you of cheating," You snapped as he stared at you, scoffing at the thought.

"Because I would never-"

"Neither would I," You cut him off before laughing to yourself at the thought of Rylan asking you on a date, 

"What's so funny?" Hyunjin mumbled as he looked at you but you shook your head, 

"It's just Rylan...I'm not really his type." You laughed again but Hyunjin still wasn't laughing, 

"You're more of his type..." As soon as the words left your mouth a blush crept onto Hyunjin's cheeks as he realised what you meant and you smiled. 

"S-So you're not-"

"No, I'm not." You laughed again and this time Hyunjin nervously joined in as you shook your head at him, giving him a kiss as you smiled weakly. 

"You have to trust me," You whispered, locking your hands together as he nodded his head at you.

JISUNG:

Jisung's whole body froze as he stared down into the bin in your bathroom, he felt sick to his core as he saw the three pregnancy sticks poking out from the bin. Neither of you had been together intimately yet so he was going through every emotion in his body at the thought of you sleeping with someone else when you were supposed to be with him.

"Can you find it?" You laughed as Jisung didn't come straight back from the bathroom, he'd headed in there to get you the first aid kit so you could have a plaster for a small papercut but when he didn't respond you giggled and went hunting for him,

"Did you get lost? You practically live in my apartment you couldn't have gotten lost," All the while Jisung's eyes began to fill with tears as he saw the three positive tests sitting there,

"Babe? Everything okay?" You giggled walking into the bathroom and froze in place when you caught what he was looking at but you knew where his mind was going to go if it wasn't already there.

"I can explain-"

"How you have three pregnancy tests in your bin when we haven't had sex and been dating for two months...Go on. Explain that one to me." You knew where his mind was but you couldn't let him believe for one second that they were yours, you'd only bought them but you didn't take them.

"They're not mine," He scoffed as he tried to move past you to get out of your small bathroom but you wouldn't move out of his way not wanting him to believe that it was yours and storm off in the other direction. 

"That's the oldest excuse in the book," He mumbled still attempting to move away from you and ignore you but you grabbed onto his hand pleading with him to stay with you but he was already set in his way. 

"They're not mine! I promise, my friend came around earlier and she took three," You pulled at his hand to try and make him believe you but he wouldn't look at you, 

"Jisung, you know I can't lie to you. You know when I'm lying look at me," You begged but he struggled out of your grasp and began making his way to your apartment door when it opened suddenly and your best friend stormed her way in, 

"I need another one, I don't....It can be wrong three times right!" She cried out as she walked into the bathroom with another pregnancy test in her hand, you stared up at Jisung who was a little shocked. 

"They really aren't yours?" You shook your head as you walked over to him, looking into his eyes and pouting when you saw how much he had been crying. 

"I would never do anything to hurt you Jisung...I'm in love with you and only you," You whispered to him as you stood up on your tip-toes to kiss him, pulling away when you heard the toilet flushing. 

"Go and make a hot drink? I need to calm her down." You whispered to him as you patted his chest softly. 

FELIX:

Rumours were everywhere in the industry and hard to be avoided especially when you were dating someone who was in a popular K-pop band, while you were someone who just introduced acts on Korean variety shows normally you and Felix would do your best to ignore the rumours but lately they'd gotten worse. Branching for a hidden pregnancy to you cheating on Felix with another band member but you knew it was to get attention for the new show the boys were taking part in. Felix had come backstage accusing you of sleeping with Wooyoung when he saw the articles, he wanted you to be honest with him but when you tried he shot you down.

"Don't be an idiot Felix, why would I ever sleep with someone else?" You questioned as you stood backstage at the music core set getting ready to go on stage with Hyunjin but Felix was being paranoid, 

"So I'm an idiot?!" You sighed as you heard him say this, you knew he was angry and just blowing everything out of proportion, that morning there had been an article claiming that you were dating Member Wooyoung from Ateez which couldn't have been further from the truth. The two of you were long term friends and your friendship grew closer since you and Changbin were also close with one another. 

"Lixie, I would never cheat on you. Wooyoung is a friend," You whispered as you tried to kiss his cheek but he moved out of the way so that you would miss, 

"Lix...Do you really think I would go behind your back on something like this?" The look on his face made your heart feel like it was breaking into pieces, he shouldn't have to think about it he should just know you would never even think of cheating on him.

"I've got to go," You mumbled as they began calling your name, you moved away from him and headed onto the stage, putting on the biggest smile you could manage before presenting. 

(X)

The show ended and Felix was still standing in your changing room but you didn't want to fight with him over something that wasn't real and you didn't want to start something now. 

"Look. I haven't cheated on you, the closest I've ever been is when I had a dream I kissed the monopoly man but that's it Lixie...You have to believe me that there is nothing going on between me and Wooyoung." He nodded his head as he got up from the sofa and hugged you tightly in his arms, apologising for believing in the rumours when he should have believed you first.

SEUNGMIN:

"What do you expect me to do!?" Seungmin yelled from across the living room of your shared apartment, he'd walked into the apartment to find you and Jeongin sitting close to one another and acting suspiciously as soon as he came home.

"Trust me! Trust me enough to know I would never cheat on you," You yelled back at him hoping he would see how hurt you were from the accusation but he was past seeing how hurt you were, he could feel his heart breaking at the thought of you sleeping with Jeongin behind his back. 

"I should have seen it coming! You're always so close with one another, laughing and joking about things, having secrets!" You rolled your eyes as he listed things that all friends did with one another but because it was you and Jeongin it obviously meant there was something else going on between you when there clearly wasn't.

"He's a friend Seungmin, you're being ridiculous," You sighed as you looked up at him but he was still shaking his head, thinking of all the signs he should have seen before it got to this point.

"Do you guys sleep together behind my back? Do you sneak around to the dorms to see him when I'm not there?!"

"Enough!" You finally screamed out, throwing your hands up into the air as you stormed away from Seungmin, grabbing the plans you and Jeongin had been working on for months. 

"You want to know what we've been doing?!" You snapped, storming back into the living room and dropping the papers onto the coffee table so he could see everything laid out in front of him, 

"That! We've been planning a surprise birthday party for you," You yelled as you showed him all of the documents of what you had planned, the room you'd booked, the invitations, the guests, everything was there in black and white for him and you saw the look of regret hit his face. 

"So no, I'm not cheating on you with one of your best friends, we were trying to do something nice for you." As soon as the realisation hit him was when he began to apologise for ruining the plans and accusing you of cheating on him, telling you that he would pretend to be as surprised as he could on the day of the party.

JEONGIN:

"It's nothing, you're taking things out of context," You tried to tell your boyfriend as he continued to pace back and forth in your living room, he was red in the face with anger and had been since he'd seen photos of you hugging and kissing another man,

"They saw you! They saw you hug and kiss him!" Jeongin yelled as you stared up at him from your apartment sofa, he'd come to your apartment after you'd dropped your cousin off at the airport. Fans and reporters had seen you kiss your cousin and put two and two together to get five as they began spreading rumours of you sleeping and dating someone else that wasn't Jeongin. 

"Jeongin...Please," You sighed rubbing your temples as your headache was beginning to set in from all the yelling he was doing, Jeongin had no idea who the boy in the photos was but he was upset when he saw the photos of you kissing the guy. His mind instantly clicking to your cheating on him instead of looking at the larger picture when you'd previously told him you were spending the weekend with your cousin, 

"You could have just told me you wanted to see other people! It would have hurt a lot less," The way his voice broke, broke your heart and you rushed to him hugging him tightly as you tried to reassure him that it was nothing. He sat down on the edge of the sofa crying into your arms as you held onto him tightly kissing his cheeks,

"He's my cousin, I kissed his cheek, he hugged me and that is all because he's my cousin." You repeated it over and over again until he finally began to believe you, you knew how hard it must have been with all of the rumours and photos that made it look like something it wasn't so you weren't going to hold it against him, 

"I love you Innie...Nothing happened, I promise." You kissed his lips softly and he kissed you back, apologising for even accusing you of something like that.

Tagline: @taestannie​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @mwitsmejk​ @minholuvs​

[auramindedd]

Talent ||

Desc: You and your new friends decide to a drunk Among Us game. You have lots of fun and you’re glad to be able to have amazing friends like them. After ending the stream and sobering up, Corpse asks you something you’d never thought you’d be asked.

Warnings: Cussing, drinking

Notes: i’m using these fake social media apps bc they’re fun &’ i like using them for messaging and twitterrrr! i hope you guys don’t mind them! <3

also, i’m super sorry for not posting in a while. my motivation comes and goes, but right now i have lots of it.

i wanna work on an smau series so, be on the look out for that! :))

——————————————————————————

“No balls!” Rae shouts, daring you to kill Jack who is trying to get something out of the vending machine, but him being drunk as fuck doesn’t help.

“I have three, actually.” You joke. Both you and Rae burst into a fit of laughter, but not for long since Jack goes up to you two.

“What are you two laughing about?” He asks, laughing with you guys even though he has no idea what he’s laughing about. Gosh, Jack, you’re really making it hard for me to kill you right now, you think to yourself.

“This,” You answer, killing him. You and Rae run away, screaming whenever you see someone. Thank God for everyone being drunk or else you two would be sussed out for being complete maniacs.

“Y/N,” Rae whispers. She gestures towards the green room and you can see Sykkuno watering the plants.

“No!” You whisper-yell. You’ve become Rae’s hitman, Brooke being the other Imposter. You need someone to vouch for you so, you don’t mind being by Rae the whole time.

“Hey, Sykunno!” Rae shouts when Sykkuno walks out. He’s slurring over his words, trying to say ‘hey’ back. Yeah, no way you’re killing him.

“See? Absolutely no fucking balls. Small dick, too.” Rae taunts. You want to kill her, but if you do, you’d immediately get voted off. So, you kill Sykkuno instead. It hurt, but you had to show Rae what’s up.

“How come no bodies have been reported?” You ask to nobody in particular, just wondering out loud.

“I’m good at hiding them.” Corpse jokes from behind you, scaring both you and Rae. Corpse knows how sensitive you are to any sound when it comes down to places that are quiet, and since only you and Rae have been together, his voice was the cause of your overdramatic ass scream. Playing along, Rae starts screaming with you two, the both of you being extremely obnoxious.

You know that he was just joking about hiding the bodies because Brooke is your partner for this round. You’re not even sure how Corpse isn’t dead yet.

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Corpse chuckles. “I won’t sneak up on you like that anymore.” You and Rae stop screaming, relieving Corpse’s poor eardrums of being blown.

Rae starts running around you in circles while you and Corpse are in the middle of a conversation. You know what she’s hinting at, but you decide to ignore her. You’re not going to kill Corpse.

“No balls!” Rae shouts competively.

“What?” Corpse asks, sounding confused.

“I have so many, Rae, you don’t even know, but I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna kill Corpse.” Good going, Y/N, you think to yourself. Well, now you have to kill him.

Corpse starts running away and you do everything your drunk ass can do to catch him and kill him. He’s laughing, running into walls, you doing the same. Finally, you’re able to kill him.

Rae catches up to your avatar, laughing maniacally. She cheers you on, knowing that’s the only way that you’ll continue to be her hitman. Jack, Sykkuno, and Corpse. You’re not even sure if Brooke has killed anyone.

“Brooke! Brooke, have you killed anyone yet?” You try to be quiet, but your shitface drunk and you don’t think that’s working.

“No, have you?” She asks, trying to be quiet, too.

“Yeah, three people. I’m Rae’s hitman.”

“Okay, I’ll do better.” And with that, she’s off to go kill people.

———

“His body was in the hallway to Decontam... I think, don’t quote me on that.” Dream says, slightly slurring on his words.

“There’s 4 bodies and we’ve only found one? What the fuck?” Charlie sounds exhausted and you can’t help but laugh.

“Sorry,” You try and catch your breath, but once you do, you’re still giggling a bit. “Sorry, that was funny.”

Everybody else starts laughing and eventually, the voting time ends and nobody is voted out.

Wow, a tactic you didn’t even mean to use actually worked. It’s either because of how drunk everyone is or because of how contagious your laugh is - a lot of people call it cute and adorable.

———

You guys decide to end the game, everyone else ending their streaming while you just close your laptop. You all seemed to sober up towards the end, none of you wanting to drink anymore. Right now, you’d say you’re 85% sober. Taking a shower and drinking lots of water should have you good and all sobered up.

After taking a shower and getting a cold bottle of water, you lay in bed, watching random Minecraft speedbuilds of people building cute cottages.

You get a DM from none other than Corpse Husband. You smile to yourself before answering.

———

You wake up with a minor headache. Last night, you’d say that the Minecraft speedbuilds helped sober you up, but right now, you know it was the cold shower and cold water bottle.

You remember the text message Corpse had sent you, about wanting to check up on you. You two have only known each other for about a week or two now, and you two haven’t really talked. It’s nice, though - having someone who wants to check up on you. He’s done it these last three days you’ve played with him and his friends.

You text Corpse, telling him you can talk on the phone now. You both have been trying to plan to talk to each other just so you guys can get closer. You and Corpse relate to a lot of things and talking in Among Us with proximity chat and Corpse’s stream, it’s not the best way to have a deep conversation.

“Hi,” You greet him, placing your phone down that way you can make breakfast and talk to him. He wanted to FaceTime, and you’re not sure why because he said he’d be covering his camera. It’s fine with you.

“Good morning, Y/N. What are you up to?” A small yawn escapes his lips.

“Making some chocolate chip pancakes.” You grab your phone, showing him the pan that’s mostly filled with chocolate chips.

“Gosh, Y/N, want some pancakes with your chocolate chips?” He chuckles. You giggle, placing the phone back down and turning the camera to face you.

“I’m an amazing cook, puh-lease. I know what I’m doing.”

“I think we’ll have to test that theory.”

“You live like 2 hours away from me, how are we gonna do that?” You ask him, placing a pancake on your plate. You put more butter on the pan before putting more pancake mix on.

“I’d 100% drive two hours to your apartment just to try out your food.” He says. You smile at him, shaking your head and rolling your eyes playfully. “Speaking of going to each other’s houses, I have a question.”

“What’s up?”

He chuckles nervously, “Do you maybe want to collab?”

You’re caught offguard by this. You quickly put your pancake on your plate before answering.

“I’d love to.” You’re able to contain your excitement, surprisingly. “But Corpse, if you’re not comfortable with meeting me, we can find some way to do it over the phone. I really don’t think it’d be that hard. You could record your parts and I cou-”

Corpse cuts your rant off, chuckling a little bit. You smile sheepishly, taking a bite out of your pancakes.

“I’ll be fine, Y/N.”

“Okay,” You give him a small smile. “We can make plans later.”

“Good,” He says and you can hear a smile in his voice.

“Good,”

You and Corpse talk about anything and everything, alternating from really deep conversations to lighthearted, funny ones. Lots of laughing, but also lots of crying on your end. Corpse telling you that it’s okay and that everything will be okay is your new favorite thing. You never knew how much those two phrases would be changed just by coming from a different person. They never really meant anything when they came from anyone else - as much as you appreciated people reassuring you. But hearing it from Corpse, it really did feel like everything was going to be okay.

You two end the call, both of you being busy today. He promised to call you more often and you did the same.

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Taglist:: Updating it tonight, comment or message me if you want to be added!

@bakugonua @emsies-dream @i-love-scott-mccall @anyasthoughts @diesinspanishbcimhispanic @campcampie @happyheartsss @izthefangirl @just-that-bi-girl @fire-heart-raven @tayloryorkscurls

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Tags:: ignore

[joviewinchester]

Hey! So this is a Supernatural My Babysitter’s a Vampire crossover requested by @the-fifth-marauder101 The request wasn’t super specific so I kind of just ran with it. Jack’s a bit younger in this for the sake of the story. And I know that the timeline is off and stuff but like don’t @ me about it please. I know it’s off. Also this is a reader insert because, ya know, that’s literally all I write. Lol, but anyways, I hope you like it, and keep those requests coming!

Another school. Another town. Another day. That’s how it always went. Avoid making friends at all costs. Well, she had Jack at least.

“What are we here for again?” Y/N asked sighing.

“Your dad said something about vampires or werewolves. They don’t know what it is yet. Said something’s off with this one.” Jack replied glancing over at a group of whispering teens.

“What do you think their deal is?” Erica asked eyeing both Y/N and Jack.

“They don’t look like siblings, at the very least not biological ones.” Sarah responded.

“I don’t know, but can I just say, the girl is hot. Like hotter than anyone I’ve ever laid eyes on. Like if I had to choose between her and a young Carrie Fisher, I’d choose her.” Benny said.

“No way. You’re joking right?” Ethan asked.

“No. I never joke about a babe.” Benny said seriously.

“I don’t know. Personally I’d love to sink my teeth into either of them.” Erica smirked.

Y/N looked from the group to Jack in confusion. “Is it just me or do we have a literal fanclub?”

“I wouldn’t call them a fanclub. They’re just…unusually interested.” Jack responded.

“Should we introduce ourselves? Don’t get me wrong. I know we probably won’t stay for very long but…I just…it would be nice to make friends for once, you know?” She asked Jack as she looked at them, or more specifically looked at Benny.

“I mean, how could it hurt right?” They approached the group.

“Dude they’re coming over here.” Benny said while slapping Ethan’s arm.

“Yeah. I know. I can see dude.”

“Hi.” Y/N said shyly.

Jack stepped in at that point. “Hello. My name is Jack and this is my friend Y/N.” He introduced.

“It’s nice to meet you guys. I’m Sarah and this is Ethan, Benny, and Erica.” Sarah smiled.

Benny had a dumbstruck look on his face. “Excuse him. He gets nervous around girls he thinks are pretty.” Ethan said.

Benny looked at him with a glare. “Dude.” He whisper shouted at him. They then had a small slap fight.

“Alright you two are embarrassing yourselves. Hi, as Sarah said, I’m Erica, and I would love to take you under my wing, Y/N was it? Please let me give you a makeover tonight. You have so much potential if we removed the flannel and the old leggings.”

“Sorry. She’s straightforward like that. She doesn’t mean in a rude way or anything she just thinks your pretty and wants to do your makeup.” Sarah said.

“I guess I could come over.” Y/N said nervously. Jack have her a look and lowered his voice.

“Y/N, Dean said to come straight home after school, and that we can’t go out. You can’t. If you leave on my watch, Dean and Cas will, what is it that you say? ‘rip me a new one’” He quoted.

“Who’s Dean?” Ethan asked.

“My dad. He’s just a little bit overprotective, and if you don’t want me to go out without you, then just come with me.” Y/N said.

“So, you two like live together?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah. Our dads work together. It’s a whole thing.” Y/N said.

“Anyways, I’ll talk to him if he’s home and if not I’ll text him and let him know it shouldn’t be a big deal.” She said.

“Great. Sarah you’re coming too right?” Erica asked.

“Actually, I have to babysit Ethan and Jane tonight.”

“No problem we’ll just go over there.”

“Sarah’s your babysitter?” Jack asked.

“No! Well, I mean, yes, but it’s only because my mom doesn’t trust me to babysit my little sister. Benny you’re still coming over to play that new zombie game right?”

“Like I would miss that.”

“Think we have room for another player?” Ethan asked.

“Not if you’re talking about Rory.” Benny complained.

“I’m clearly talking about Jack, Benny.”

Sarah and Erica both rolled their eyes at their antics. “Come on, Y/N. We’ll walk you to class. Honestly, I swear you geeks almost scared her off.” Erica said.

Y/N waved goodbye at Benny, Ethan, and Jack, linking her arms with Erica and Sarah.

The bell then rang. “Do you guys know where Mr. G’s class is?” Jack asked.

“Yeah we have him for first period too. Follow us.” Ethan said.

School seemed to go by like a breeze with their new friends by their sides. Before they knew it, they were all heading out the doors.

“Alright. Jack and I need to head out, but we’ll meet you guys at Ethan’s house later. See ya.” Y/N said. There was a series of byes and Jack and Y/N hopped into the Jeep they had jacked from the bunker.

Erica left shortly after that saying something about how she needed to pack some clothes and makeup for later.

“I should give her a love potion.” Benny said.

“Do you remember how that turned out last time? I still have nightmares.” Ethan shuddered.

“Benny, don’t let this get to your head, but I think you might actually have a chance with her. She stared at you throughout the entirety of biology class. You should just ask her to see a movie with you or something.” Sarah advised.

“Yes. I need to be more like Han Solo. God, she’d be such a pretty Princess Leia.” Benny sighed dreamily.

“Okay lover boy. You wanna stand out here all day? We’re practically the only ones still here. Your grandma is gonna get mad if you make her wait any longer.” Sarah said glancing at the SUV Benny’s grandma sat in.

“Right. See you guys later!” Benny called.

“Bye!” They said in sync.

“I’ll see you later?” Ethan asked.

“Duh. If I want to get paid I don’t really have a choice.” Sarah joked. Ethan waved awkwardly and jogged to his mom’s car.

“Dorks.” She muttered to herself a slight smile on her face.

Y/N and Jack entered the place one of their hunter friends had loaned them and saw Sam researching by himself.

“Hey, Sam! Do you know when dad is gonna be back?” Y/N asked.

“Um…not really, but it probably won’t be for a few hours. He and Cas are interviewing at the moment. Why? Do you need something? Maybe I can help.”

“Well, Jack and I were wondering if we could go over to a friend’s house around seven ish? We’re just hanging out, nothing big.”

Sam looked up from his laptop. “You guys made friends?” He asked.

“Yeah. I know. I know. We probably won’t stay here, but it’s hard avoiding people everywhere we go and they’re really nice.” Y/N explained.

“Y/N, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I think it’s good that you guys are making friends, and I think it’s fine if you go out as long as you’re back by 10:30 or Dean will flip.”

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You’re the best uncle in the world.”

“Do you need any help with research?” Jack asked.

“No. It’s fine. You probably have homework to do.” Sam replied. Jack then headed to his room with his backpack slung over his shoulder.

“Hey, Sam?” Y/N asked sitting across from him.

“Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“You know that you can tell me anything Y/N.”

“I don’t…I don’t think that I can keep doing this.” She sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“The whole moving towns constantly and the saving people hunting things…I just don’t want to keep moving around. I know that it’s stupid. You’re saving the world. All of you, but I feel like I haven’t even lived. I’ve never really gotten to stop and smell the roses you know?”

“Y/N, it’s not like we can just leave you in a town by yourself. You’re only sixteen, but you’re in luck. We’re going to be here awhile. There are multiple cases in this one town and they all seem different. I don’t know what’s going on here. It’s like a Supernatural beacon.”

“Are you sure you don’t need help with research?” Y/N asked.

“No. You have homework too I’m assuming.”

“I finished all of mine in study hall. I’m available for four hours.”

Sam sighed. “Fine. You can help. I’m just looking through lore right now to try and figure out the first case.”

After about three and a half hours of researching, they both still came up with nothing. Y/N groaned.

“Are you sure there isn’t like more than one type of vampire?” She asked.

“Not according to any hunters I’ve met.” Sam said.

“Well, we didn’t think angels existed at one point and look at Cas. Look at Jack. We got an angel and a nephilim living in our house. Not to mention me. I’m a freak of nature.”

“I don’t know, Y/N. If we haven’t encountered one before, I don’t know why we would now.”

“Whatever. I’m gonna go upstairs and grab a few things, then Jack and I are leaving. I’ll see you later Sammy.”

Sam rolled his eyes at the nickname but told her goodbye nonetheless and went back to his research. Y/N grabbed her small bag that contained hand sanitizer, chapstick, lotion, a first aid kit and a pocket knife and knocked on Jack’s door.

“You ready?” She asked.

“Yeah let’s go before we’re stopped by Dean and Cas getting home.” Jack said.

They drove over to Ethan’s house and everyone else had already arrived. Y/N knocked on the door to see Benny with his mouth full of marshmallows. Y/N gasped in excitement.

“Are you guys seeing who can fit the most marshmallows in their mouth?! I bet I can win! I want in on this!” She exclaimed rushing past Jack and in the door.

“What’s the record I’m trying to beat?” Y/N asked Jane.

“It’s unclear. They argue all the time about which got the highest amount and what the highest amount is. I think it’s 176. You don’t need to waste your time here though. You should come play dress up with me and Sarah. I promise it’ll be much more fun.” Jane ranted grabbing her hand.

“Come on Y/N it’ll be way more fun.” Sarah joked. Y/N shrugged.

“You know what? Why not let’s go. You coming, Erica?”

“Playing ‘dress up’ with you is literally the only reason why I’m here. Of course I’m coming.” Erica replied grabbing her bag. They all rushed upstairs leaving the boys behind.

The marshmallows fell out of Benny’s mouth as he was watching Y/N go upstairs. Ethan fist pumped in victory.

“I win!” He yelled through a mouthful of marshmallows.

“Hey! Dude that is so not fair!”

“It’s completely fair! Just don’t get distracted next time and you might win.” Ethan said back smugly.

“Whatever. You guys wanna watch Star Wars or something?” Benny asked.

“I don’t know. Y/N might get mad if we watch it without her.” Jack half joked. Benny looked at him in exasperation.

“She likes Star Wars too?! What’s next?!”

Meanwhile, upstairs Erica had already began using Y/N as a human doll.

“Those dorks are literally not going to know what to do with themselves when they see you.” Erica praised.

“You look really pretty, Y/N. Dare I say, prettier than Debbie Dazzle.” Jane complimented.

“Is that a compliment? What’s a Debbie Dazzle?” Y/N asked Sarah.

“You mean you never had a Debbie Dazzle doll growing up?” Sarah asked. Y/N shook her head no and thought of her childhood.

“We…well, we’ve always moved around a lot, and I matured earlier than most kids. Never really got into that stuff, besides wouldn’t have anyone to play with it with anyways.”

“What about your dad or your mom?” Erica asked while brushing Y/N’s hair.

“My mom?” She asked mostly to herself. It’s not like she could straight up say that her mom was God’s sister. “My mom left us when I was young. I barely remember her.” She said. When she was born she automatically aged up to thirteen, similarly to Jack.

That was the end of that conversation. They didn’t want to pry into her personal life. Even if it felt like they’d known her for years, the truth of it was that they were practically strangers.

“Okay. All done.” Erica smiled. Y/N looked in the mirror Jane had in her room. She was shocked to say the least to see what was staring back at her. For the first time in her life, she felt normal. She felt like a regular teenage girl, not a demi-god who hunted monsters.

“Wow. I look-“

“Beautiful.” Sarah, Erica, and Jane all said at once.

https://shoplook.io/outfit-preview/2784047

“I was gonna say normal, but yeah.” She laughed.

There were a few seconds of silence then Y/N suddenly jumped out of her seat. “Is that the Star Wars theme song?!” She exclaimed. She started heading downstairs.

“What a cute little nerd.” Erica said.

“Can we go downstairs to get a snack?” Jane asked Sarah.

“Sure but you have to be in bed by 9:00 remember?” “9:30?” “Fine.”

When Y/N got downstairs she plopped on the couch in between Jack and Benny.

Benny glanced at her and did a double take. “Woah. Erica did a really good job…not that you weren’t pretty before. You’re really pretty, either way. I’m so sorry. I’m totally rambling again.”

“Are you done?” She asked jokingly.

“Yeah…well, actually,” she laughed. “So no then?”

“Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to go see a movie sometime…with me. I’ll even suffer through the new Dusk if you want.”

“No way are we watching Dusk. Pick me up Friday. We’re watching the new Avengers movie.”

Benny elbowed Ethan. “Dude. Did you hear that?”

“Yes, Benny, congratulations.” Y/N’s phone abruptly began to ring.

“Shoot. I gotta take this.” She got up and walked into the other room.

“Hello?” She asked. “Y/N? Where the hell are you? I told you and Jack to come home and stay home after school. Sam is not your dad. I am. You could’ve at least called and asked.” Dean grumbled.

“And you would’ve told me no and I would’ve been mad and you would’ve been mad and it would just not be fun at all so…”

“Are there boys there?” Y/N rolled her eyes.

“Does is matter?”

“Yes. It matters a lot.”

“You don’t know. I could be a lesbian.” She stated.

“Cut the crap, kid. You and Jack need to get your sorry asses home or youre grounded. Both of you.”

Y/N ignored that statement. “Well, I’d love to talk more, but I’m gonna hang up now.”

“Y/N Elaine Winchester I swear to Chuck if you hang up…”

“Calm down. We’ll be home in like twenty minutes. Bye.” She hung up before he could say anything else.

“Jack, we have to go. Dean is flipping out.” She said walking back into the living room.

“Did you just refer to your dad by his first name?” Ethan asked.

“Yeah I did. Because I’m mad. It’s a symbol of defiance…even if he can’t hear it. Anyways, we’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Y/N, with annoyance, walked into the kitchen and said goodbye to Erica, Sarah, and Jane as well, before leaving with Jack trailing behind her.

Once they got home, they were greeted by all three hunters still sitting at the table researching.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Dean asked in disgust.

“Clothes. Goodnight. Good riddance. Love you partially and all that jazz. I’m going to bed. I have school.” She said running upstairs not letting anyone else get a word in.

The three men sighed. “Were there boys there?” Dean asked Jack seriously as he had Y/N on the phone.

“Yeah. Just two. Y/N has a date Friday.” Jack responded casually.

“She what?!”

“Anyways goodnight. Good riddance. Love you. And all that jazz as Y/N would say. See you tomorrow.” Jack repeated charging up the stairs.

[isolemnlyswearpevensie]

Nothing Changed But Everything’s Different | Sirius Black x Reader

Warning: slowburn angst, mentions of slight violence, alcohol, no happy ending

Time/Era: Marauder Era, Ages 18-21

Word Count: 10.1k

Summary: Sirius found someone who made him believe in love at first sight. 

Request: Okay! :) Well in that case can I have an ANGST Sirius x Reader? Where they’ve been together for a few years (it’s post-hogwarts only a couple years) but the relationship is starting to sour and crumble. Sirius being Sirius is flirting with other girls and just neglecting y/n. They argue a lot and everyone can see that it’s deteriorating. It gets to a point where he just flat doesn’t acknowledge her even though they live together, long and ANGSTY pls 🥺 :) U decide the ending! :) Ty, much love!

A/N: I worked really, really hard on this so I hope you enjoy :) Let me know what you think :)

part 2 | masterlist | marauders era playlist | read on ao3

“She’s absolutely gorgeous, Prongs!” A young Sirius Black twirled around the dorm room and fell onto his bed with a dreamy sigh. “She’s witty and smart mouthed, but she’s so sweet and nice at the same time. She listens to the Weird Sisters and Queen and she’s a total badass.” 

“Y/N L/N?” James scoffs, bending over a sketch he was working on. It appeared to be an intricate building of some sort, complete with four stories and geometric windows. 

“Yes, Y/N L/N! I think it’s love at first sight, Prongsy. I’m going to marry that girl one day.” Sirius laid one of his ankles against the post of his bed. The leather of his boot made a loud squeaking noise, and James cringed.

“Have you ever even talked to Y/N L/N?” James smiled smugly and smudged ink across the side of his hand. 

“Have you ever had an actual conversation with Lily Evans?” Sirius countered, making James sputter. James looked diagonally towards Sirius and moved his head so their corresponding bedposts weren’t in the way. 

“I have! This morning, for example! We talked about the morning toast for a full 3 minutes!” His glasses began to fog as his cheeks warm. Sirius laughed heartily and threw the pillow that was under his head square at James’ face. With a deep ‘oof,’ James looks back towards Sirius, glasses now crooked. “Fine, don’t believe me! You’re just angry Evans is finally starting to fall for my charm.” 

“Ah yes, my bad. I forgot sweat and body odor was irresistible to girls.” 

“Lily isn’t a girl.” James reached his slender fingers to level his glasses. “She’s a woman.” 

Sirius was sent into hysterics; chest heaving, loud laughter, tearful, hysterics. James rolled his eyes and threw the pillow back at Sirius. But, in all of its glory, the cushion hit Sirius’ bedpost and sent feathers flying through the air. Sirius busts out in even more laughter, falling to the floor with a big, dramatic thud. 

“What’s going on here?” Remus asks, entering the room and setting his bag onto his bed. “Why is Pads on the floor?” 

“JP assaulted me!” 

“I DID NOT YOU THREW FIRST!!!” 

Remus chuckled under his breath and unbuckled his bag to retrieve his homework. “And what exactly caused this alleged assault? Did Sirius call you Prancer again?” 

A bark sounding laugh came from Sirius and James scowled. 

“No, we were just talking about his newfound obsession with Y/N L/N and he took an unwarranted dig at mine and Lily’s relationship.” 

Remus snorted and set his work on his desk. “What relationship?” Sirius let out another “HA” and pulled himself back onto his mattress. “And isn’t Y/N L/N the one who called your hair greasy, Pads?” 

“Well, yes, but I like a woman with a bit of attitude,” Sirius sighed dreamily. His left pointer finger, ring and all, came to twirl a chunk of his hair. “I think I want an autumn wedding.” 

“You’re not getting married to her, mate. You don’t even know her.” James came to Remus’ bed and started poking around his bag. “Are you putting on the scar ointment Pomfrey gave you still, Moons? Hey! Stop picking at that one, you’re going to make it worse!” He slapped Remus’ hand away from his face and Remus rolled his eyes. 

“Who are you? My mother?” 

“I am too going to marry her, James! Just watch me!” 

Peter opened the door solemnly, a grumpy look plastered on his face. James turns nervously towards him before slapping him on the back. 

“What happened, Pete? I thought you were supposed to be on a date?” 

“I was, but she stood me up. Again.” Peter responds, making a beeline for the window seat. Conveniently, it was located next to his bed, so he haphazardly tossed his school bag onto the mattress. He grabs hold of one of the pillows before hugging it to his chest and burying his head into it. Sirius and James share a look before Sirius speaks up. 

“Awh, you’ll get ‘em next time. Don’t worry too much about it. It’s her loss, really.” 

“No, it was my loss. It was Abagail Cavin, mate. It was definitely my loss.” Peter’s voice was muffled as he muttered into the soft fabric. 

“Who’s Abagail Cavin?” Sirius asks, looking towards Remus for an answer. He shrugs. 

“I think that’s the ginger girl who always hangs around Y/N L/N? A year or two below us,” James thought aloud. “She’s friends with Lily too, I’ve seen them studying together.” 

Remus snorts. “Of course you have.” 

“I don’t know if I’m sad or angry.” The mousy boy admits, throwing the pillow in his lap at the wall. It hit one of Sirius’ Queen posters, making the frame fall to the floor with a loud crash. James is quick to swoop in and redirect Peter’s attention in fear of him escalating. 

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay, there’s no need to get mad at Abagail. Um, how about we go get some sweets from the kitchens, yeah? Maybe that’ll make you feel better.” 

Peter tightened his jaw, staring at the now shattered frame on the ground. After a moment of silence from all the boys, Peter nodded and the pair exited the room. 

~

“Y/N L/N,” Sirius spoke in his signature flirty voice. He tried to match her walking pace, but she seemed to be in a rush. 

“Sirius Black, what can I do for you?” Y/N answered, her school uniform skirt swaying as she walked. She was on her way to meet Abagail in the library so the two could study together, and she was already 5 minutes late. 

“I was wondering if you would -excuse me, sorry- if you would like to go to the next Quidditch match with me?” Y/N seemed to swerve in and out of the crowded hallway like a car in heavy traffic. “Supposed to be a good game, you know.” 

“Me? Go with you? While you cheer your little boyfriend on? Thanks for offering, but I have to decline.” 

“Come on, you always go anyway! It could be fun!” Sirius finally matched Y/N’s fast gait. “And maybe we could grab some hot butterbeer or cider after.” 

Y/N sighed, suddenly stopping at the entrance of the library. She faced Sirius boldly and grabbed his upper arms with her hands. 

“Listen, it’s really flattering that you want me to go with you, and I have to admit, you’re super cute. But, you don’t exactly have the best track record with girls and I don’t want to be just a checkmark on your list of girls to shag.” 

While any person would be wounded by Y/N’s blunt assumptions, Sirius grins. “That’s where you’re wrong, love. I don’t really have a track record with girls, unless you count the week I dated Marlene McKinnon the October of our 2nd year. It’s our 7th year and I’ve had one kind-of girlfriend.”

Sirius watched as Y/N’s facial expression changed. Taking this as an invitation to keep going, he rubs his hands together and continues. “And if you’re talking about shagging, I’ve shagged maybe three girls who were not on some kind of to-fuck list, thank you very much.” Sirius suddenly leans in so he could whisper. “I’m just flirty. And based on the look on your face, the flirting is working.” 

“Y/N!” Abagail’s voice made Y/N drop her hands and Sirius smirk. “What are you doing?” 

“Oh, we’re just chit chatting,” Sirius answers for Y/N. “But, I do have a question for you, Ab.” 

Abagail’s face scrunched in response. “Don’t call me that. What’s your question?” 

“Why’d you stand up my mate Peter?” Sirius now stood with his feet shoulders width apart, arms crossed over his chest and his hair pulled to one side. Y/N couldn’t help but admire how well Sirius’ uniform pants fit. 

“What do you mean, stand him up? We talked about hanging out, but we never made actual plans. Honestly, I don’t really think I want to make any official plans. Some of the things he says are kinda scary.” Y/N looks sympathetically towards her friend.

“I told you to just ignore him, babes.” 

“I know, I know. I really think he’s a nice guy deep down though.” 

Sirius looked puzzled, “What harmless, little Peter Pettigrew says scares you?” 

Abagail nods frantically, “He came and sat with Lily and me when we were studying in the library last week. He went on a rant about how he can’t wait to become an Auror just to see,” The girl lifted her fingers to so air quotes. “How far he can take it.” 

“That doesn’t sound like Peter at all,” Sirius’ eyebrows knit in confusion. 

“Well, it was. And Y/N and I have a lot of studying to do. So, if you’ll excuse us.” Abagail gently tugged at Y/N’s arm. 

“Wait! So, is it a date, Y/N?” Sirius called after the girls. Y/N turned over her shoulder and beamed. 

“Common room before the match. I don’t like to be kept waiting, Black!”

~

“You don’t like to be kept waiting… but you think it’s perfectly okay to leave me all alone in the common room? That’s not very kind, Y/N.” Sirius watched Y/N descend the stairs to the girls dormitory. He was wearing his Gryffindor sweater and ripped black jeans, his hair tied messily in a bun. A long, striped scarf dangled lazily on his shoulders and draped down his frame to his mid thigh. 

“I said before the match and if I’m not mistaken, it’s before the match.” Y/N tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Are those for me?” 

Sirius quickly stood, holding out a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers. “Heh, yeah. I thought it was fitting because it’s the middle of October and we’re going to a Quidditch match. The leaves are orange and there’s so many colors and the sunflowers have the same kind of color pallet-” 

“Sirius, they’re lovely. Thank you.” Y/N cut off the blabbering boy. She took the flowers happily and observed their pretty petals. Sirius was right; the rich golden color matched the fallen leaves that littered the Hogwarts grounds. Y/N held up a waiting finger to Sirius so she could go leave her flowers in her dorm. 

“It’s pretty cold out, love, do you want to grab a jacket?” Sirius said when she returned. 

“It’s all in the name of fashion, my dear,” Y/N pulls a piece of hair behind her ear and nods towards the portrait hole. “Shall we?” 

Y/N sat in the crowd with her legs crossed; her shoulders were slumped forwards and her hands stayed sandwiched in between her thighs. Gryffindor was absolutely destroying Ravenclaw with the impressive score of 80-10. 

“The snitch is right by Potter’s head!” Y/N screeched, bumping Sirius��� shoulder with her own. 

“Where?! I don’t see it!” 

“To the right! Meadowes needs to catch it before Lockhart sees it!” Y/N shivers in spite of herself, bringing her hands to her mouth in order to warm them. Sirius snickers and loops his scarf around her shoulders. 

“Hopefully that doesn’t ruin your outfit, love.” Sirius winks and turns back to the game. 

The scarf was soft and toasty, and smelt exactly like Sirius. The satisfying mix of leather, butterbeer, pine and smoke engulfed her senses and made her dizzy. Y/N wrapped it around her arms and snuggled deeper into the soft knit. 

“Meadowes spots the snitch!” Remus announces over the intercom. The entire statum seemed to erupt into chaos; cheers and boos echoing off of every surface within 500 feet. 

Y/N had always had a soft spot for Remus; they weren’t friends, but something about him was so warm and inviting. He in no way seemed like the type to announce a Quidditch match, but it appears that when you’re friends with James Potter long enough, anything could happen. 

Dorcas zooms past the Gryffindor student section in her pursuit for the snitch. The entire group, Lily and Marlene especially, scream out loud words of encouragement. Y/N could have sworn she could see a faint smile appear across Dorcas’ features. 

“Potter scores! 10 points to Gryffindor! 90-10! Ravenclaw could still win if Lockhart catches the snitch!” 

“Come on, come on,” Sirius mumbles under his breath. No matter how much he liked to deny it, Sirius got really into Quidditch. He couldn’t play for shit, but he knew the mechanics of the game like the back of his hand. 

“Meadowes catches the snitch! Gryffindor wins!!” The entire crowd goes ballistic. Kids hug, and some kiss, before storming the field to congratulate their team. James stays on his broom, doing small loops in the air in the hopes of impressing a certain redhead. 

Sirius wraps his strong arms around his date, pulling her to her feet and lifting her into the air. “We won, Y/N! We won!!” 

Y/N snakes her arms around Sirius in return, a similar happiness bubbling in her chest. 

“What’d ya say about grabbing some hot cider from the kitchens to celebrate?” Sirius questions, noticing they’re the last students at their seats. 

Y/N nods, a soft smile gracing her face. “Yes, please. I’m fucking freezing.” 

~

“It would be easier if you just levitated the boxes in, love.” Y/N watched as Sirius struggled to carry boxes into the living room of their new flat. She giggled, admiring her boyfriend’s flexed biceps and strong hands. The prominent veins in his hands and forearms were bulging, making the manual labor a show for his very happy girlfriend. 

“I feel like that’s bad luck,” Sirius explained, placing the cardboard onto the floor. “I want to do this right. If I don’t we could be cursed.” 

“Whatever you say, babe. But, just so you know, that box goes into the kitchen.” With a flirty wink and smile, Y/N walked into their bedroom to unpack some of their boxes. 

Their new flat wasn’t overly exciting; it was a one bedroom, one bath flat above a small bakery in the center of London. It was a tiny space, as you’d expect two barely-twenty-year-olds to own, but it would soon be their home. Y/N was just excited the flat had a kitchenette and a small living space. 

The best part, in Y/N’s opinion at least, was the fact that the smell of freshly baked bread filled their flat at the beginning of each day. The elderly bakery owners, Jullian and Caspar, had given the young couple a good price on the flat. According to them, they were waiting for the perfect couple to rent from them. What that meant, Y/N didn’t know, but it made her feel special all the same. 

Y/N looked out of their window to the hustle and bustle on the sidewalk below. The shop was a small, hole in the wall bakery called Dream Puffs, that was oddly popular for its location. And Y/N was quick to understand why. Almost everything they made, especially the sour dough bread and cream puffs, were to die for. Jillian had presented Sirius and her a large loaf of the bread and a dozen cream puffs as a welcome present, most of which had been eaten already. Y/N wished she had known of Dream Puffs and the wonderful owners before, but she supposed she still had a lot to discover in London. 

The one downside was the only way to get into their apartment was by going through the bakery. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but when you’re in a rush or having a bad day, having to face random people isn’t the most ideal situation. Jullian and Caspar were nice enough to close the bakery early for the couple’s move in. 

“I thought you were supposed to be unpacking?” Sirius poked his head into their bedroom with sweat dripping down his brow. 

“Oh right, sorry,” Y/N lazily flicked her wand and their clothing sprang to life. 

“Bad luck, Y/N!” He entered the room and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, laid his chin on her shoulder and looked out the window. The busy streets and buildings were muted by the glass, which made Y/N feel as if they were watching ants in an ant farm. 

“I doubt we’ll get bad luck from levitating a few shirts, darling,” Y/N brought one of his hands to her mouth, gently kissing his knuckles before returning it to her waist. “I can’t believe this place is ours,” 

“Well, technically it’s Jillian’s and Caspars, but yes.” Sirius chuckles directly into Y/N’s ear and kisses her shoulder. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

“Are you asking me to marry you?” 

“Yes and no. Not now, obviously, but eventually. We’re going to be together forever anyway, so why should we rush?” 

Y/N sighed happily, feeling very loved. 

~

“Do you think Abagail will ever talk to me again?” Peter asked, laying his head against the armrest of the couch. “I heard she's working at the book shop in Diagon Alley.” 

Y/N snorted, laying her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder and enjoying the sound of the record playing in the corner of the room. Sirius and Y/N were hosting a dinner party for their friends in celebration of James getting accepted into the Auror academy. The nine of them -Sirius, Y/N, James, Lily, Peter, Remus, Marlene, Dorcas, and Mary- were all piled in Sirius and Y/N’s small living room, tipsy and full of warm food. 

“That happened almost two years ago, Pete. Let it go,” Y/N hummed, Sirius’ gentle hand rubbing her back and lulling her to sleep. She could feel the vibrations of Sirius’ laughter through his leather jacket. 

“Yeah, so? I’m not allowed to like someone that long?” Peter’s voice was harsher than he anticipated, making Sirius send a glare his way. 

“She means stop moping around and pining after a girl who doesn’t want you. There’s a world of opportunity and thousands of girls just waiting to date you if you open your eyes to it.” Sirius’ tone was barely lighter than Peter’s. 

“Well I don’t want thousands of girls, Padfoot. I want Abagail. Not everyone can hit it on their first try.” 

“Hit it on their first try?” Y/N was now wide awake. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“I mean,” Peter sat up, looking Y/N straight in the eyes. “You fucked Sirius on the first date.” 

“Woah, woah, woah, alright that’s enough. Wormy, Pads, Y/N, let’s all just take a deep breath and calm down for a moment.” James was quick on his feet to defuse the potentially harmful situation. He knew how Peter could get, and he didn’t want to see it escalate to that point. 

“Did you just slut shame me for having sex with my own boyfriend? Do you even have the authority to do that, Mr. Unused-Condom?” Y/N was now standing with James, starting to walk towards Peter. Peter stumbled to his feet and stared into Y/N’s eyes. 

“He wasn’t your boyfriend then, Miss Drop-My-Panties-for-a-Knut.” 

Sirius was quick to act, anger boiling inside of him. His knuckles balled into a fist and he threw a nasty punch square into Peter’s jaw. “No one insults my girl, Peter. I thought you knew better than that.” Sirius’ voice was like nothing Y/N had ever heard; it was cold and icy, yet fiery hot and full of hell-bending anger. 

Peter looked up and slugged Sirius right in the nose, making it gush blood. Remus grabs Sirius’ arms and binds them behind his back, trusting James to do the same to Peter. 

Y/N shrieked, having never seen Sirius or Peter get physical with anyone, let alone each other. Marlene grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the boys. 

“What have we talked about, you two?” James demanded, the vein on his neck bulging. 

“I’m not going to sit around and let him harass my girlfriend, JP! He’s a fucking asshole and he knows it!” Sirius struggled against his binds, but Remus was much stronger than him. 

“I’m not the one dating a slut!” 

“Get the fuck out of my flat!” Sirius screams making the room shake. Peter wiggles from James’ grip and grabs his wand before disapperating out of the room. 

Remus releases Sirius and he stomps out of the flat and down the stairs, most likely to go smoke a cigarette. James quickly follows after a glance towards Lily. 

“What did James mean when he said ‘what have we talked about,’ Remus?” Y/N asks, her soft voice a stark contrast from Sirius’ shouting. Remus runs a big hand down his face and plops onto the couch. 

“I wasn’t supposed to let you girls know,” He scoffs, shaking his head. “Sirius and Peter have been at each other’s throats for the past few years. Recently, it started getting physical. James always tries to defuse the situation, but it doesn’t work a ton.” Remus meets Y/N’s gaze and smiles sadly. “That boy would do absolutely anything for you, I hope you know that.” 

~

Sirius laid in bed with his arms wound tightly around Y/N’s waist. It was near 5 am and the light was just barely peeking through the window of their bedroom. The morning bread must have just been put in the oven, as the smell of fresh bread was slowly starting to overtake the flat. A long sliver of silver light slashed against the wall before fading delicately into the white paint. Sirius sighed contently and looked down at his girl. 

Her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly agape; Sirius observed how Y/N’s eyes moved under her eyelids while wondering what she was dreaming about. He hoped she dreamt of him, as his dreams were constantly riddled with her. Every aspect of her danced around his dreams: her lovely smile, her laugh, her scent, her gait, and everything that made Y/N Y/N. Sirius’ own lips parted a miniscule amount as he brought the back of his fingers to brush her cheek. He couldn’t help but notice how soft her skin was under his touch. She was so peaceful in this moment, and if she was to be disturbed, the world would crack. 

But all good things come to an end, and Y/N opened her eyes. Her features were riddled with the grogginess of sleep as she batted her eyes to focus her vision. 

“Darling? Is everything alright?” Her voice was honey in his ears. 

“Perfect, my love. Go back to sleep.” 

“What time is it?” Y/N began to wiggle from his strong grip, but Sirius tightened his hold on her waist. 

The man shot a spare glance at the old coo-coo clock that hung in the corner. “Quarter to five” 

“Then may I ask why you’re awake?” 

Sirius sighed, pressing an opened mouth kiss on her forehead. “Couldn’t sleep, the nightmares are still awry.” 

“What was it this time? Your mom?” Y/N was now wide awake and propped up onto her elbow. 

“No, the last Order mission, actually,” Sirius gently brushed a clump of hair out of her eyes. “But it’s okay, I’m alright. I have you here with me.” 

Y/N’s eyebrows scrunched and her mouth pierced. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“No, my darling. I just want to lay here with my beautiful girl in my arms.” 

~ 

“I’ve never been to this bar before,” Y/N giggles as Sirius opens the door to the small building. The outside’s appearance was rather unappealing; cracked, exposed brick that has moss growing out of it, a leaky gutter system, a splintering wooden door and a faded open sign. Y/N looked up towards the LED sign that spelled out the bar’s name. Silver Sickle Bar and Eatery illuminated in the wet pavement, but multiple letters were unlit, making it read Silver Ickle and Eat. 

“Me either, one of my clients works here and said she’d give me free drinks.” Sirius winked before following Y/N inside. 

The place was small and drafty, but oddly cozy. It had the same exposed brick as the outside, but this time, they were bright red and covered in picture frames.  A few wooden tables were scattered across the floor opposite the bar, and various older men sat with beers in their hands. 

“Oh, Sirius! My love, you came!” A very angelic girl from behind bar squeals, quickly exciting the bar and throwing her arms around Sirius. Her hurried speed made Y/N step away from the pair to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. Sirius chuckles heartily, wrapping his arms around her small frame, seeming to forget Y/N was there. 

“Vanessa! Nice to see you again,” He exhaled. A sinking feeling settled in the bottom of Y/N’s stomach. “How is your tattoo healing?” 

Vanessa pulls her shirt down to show Sirius the skin in between her breasts. On her skin sat a magical tattoo of a Hongorian Horntail dragon, which looked towards Sirius and blew a big breath of fire his way. The art was gorgeous, very obviously Sirius’ work, which only made Y/N’s stomach sink further into her feet. The red, lacy, v neck bra Vanessa was wearing brought out the ink in the tattoo perfectly, and the shape of the cut displayed not only her breasts, but the dragon beautifully. 

Y/N knew that many of Sirius’ clients were girls; she wasn’t stupid. He was a newly licensed tattoo artist at the biggest magical tattoo parlor in all of London. Not to mention, Sirius was an incredibly talented artist, which meant his appointment list was extremely difficult to get on. The charming attitude and good looks only added to the appeal of his artistry. 

“Who’s this?” Vanessa turned her gaze from Sirius’ to look directly at Y/N. Her long, black hair fell over her shoulder like a waterfall and her porcelain skin glowed under the dim lighting. 

“Oh! Right,” Sirius stuttered, shooting a grin in Y/N’s direction. “This is my gorgeous girlfriend, Y/N. Y/N this is Vanessa, I did her dragon tattoo last week.” 

Y/N forced herself to send a polite smile towards the girl who was just all over her boyfriend. Vanessa sent an equally fake smile and began to walk back to the bar. 

“And what can I get started for you, handsome?” She giggled, standing in front of the large wall of liquor. Y/N felt as if she was back at Hogwarts with all the girls throwing themselves at Sirius. 

“Old fashioned,” Sirius responded, taking place on one of the wooden stools. “And for the lady, tequila on the rocks with lime.” 

Vanessa sends Y/N an icy look before giggling sweetly. “Coming right up.” 

Y/N sends a worried glance towards Sirius, but he just responds by squeezing her thigh and kissing her temple. 

“So, do you have any tattoos? Since you’re so good at your job, I would assume you do, yes?” Vanessa asks, pouring Sirius’s drink and sliding it towards him. 

“Quite a few,” He catches the glass before it flies off the bar. “Most of them are covered by my shirt though.” 

It was true, Sirius’ torso and shoulders were littered with tattoos: A large lion across his right shoulder onto his bicep, stag antlers across his shoulder blades, a moon on the lower left side of his stomach, rat paw marks under the moon, and constellations riddling his collarbones. 

The bartender tilts her head to the side cheekily. “Can I see them?” 

Sirius chuckles in a very happy, flattered way. “I don’t think that’s quite necessary here,” 

“But I can already see this one…” Vanessa reached her arm across the bar and traced the bottom of the lion’s mane with her long, slender fingers. The tattoo seemed to move with her movements. “Can’t I see the rest?” 

Y/N coughs, slapping her hand against the bar. The vibration of Y/N’s sudden movement caused Sirius’ drink to wobble inside the glass. “I think I ordered a tequila not a random chick flirting with my boyfriend.” 

“Of course, how foolish of me.” Vanessa sent a scowl Y/N’s way and turned her back to fetch the bottle of alcohol. Sirius matched Vanessa’s expression. 

Once the flirt finished making Y/N’s drink, she slid it over to her. Y/N took a sip, only to find it was awfully made and very watered down. 

“Sirius, babe, I have a headache, can we go home?” 

“You didn’t have a headache a minute ago?” Sirius raises an eyebrow. 

“I know, I just feel a migraine coming on. I really need to take my migraine potion before it gets bad. Please?” 

Sirius sighs and nods, throwing an arm around her shoulders and kissing her temple. “Of course, babygirl.” 

The pair stand from their stools but Vanessa stops them. “That’ll be 2 galleons for the tequila.”

“You said you’d give me free drinks?” Sirius placed a comforting hand on Y/N’s lower back, rubbing small circles over her shirt. 

“Yeah, for you. The tequila wasn’t for you.” 

“Yeah, fine, whatever.” Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out two galleons, slamming them onto the bar. 

“Can I bet on seeing you again?” A loud giggle comes from her mouth as the couple exited the building. “Maybe you can show me your tattoos.” 

~

“I don’t know, Lily! She was all over him and he didn’t stop it.” Y/N bit into an apple and traced the Potters’ tablecloth. It was a month after Sirius and Y/N had visited The Silver Sickle, and Y/N couldn’t keep her anxieties to herself. 

“Have you tried talking to him about it?” Lily responded, kneading a big glob of pie crust at the counter. Potter Cottage was much larger than Sirius and Y/N’s flat above Dream Puffs. Earlier that month, Lily had announced she was pregnant, so James decided it was time to upgrade from their small flat to a house fit to raise a family. 

“Yes, but each time I try to bring her up he gets defensive and assures me that it was nothing, that he was trying to get free drinks.” 

Lily stared down at her dough intensely before grabbing her rolling pin. “Well, I wouldn’t let him get away with it. Maybe try to ask him again tonight? Just sit down and have a real, hearts on the table conversation about your feelings and whatnot. It’s important to do that.” 

“Yeah, that’s the thing. He’s been staying at work late this entire week. Apparently, one of his clients is getting a full back tattoo and it’s taking multiple sessions to finish. This is his biggest job to date, I don’t want to ruin it for him.” 

“How late is late?” The mom-to-be laid the pie crust into her pan and began to trim the excess off of the edges. 

“Nine, sometimes ten. He comes home exhausted.” 

“Hm, okay. I’d still try to speak with him if you can. How’s your work going? St. Mungos treating you well?” 

“Oh, yeah, definitely. My supervisor said that I’m one of the best beginning level healers he’s seen since Pomfrey worked in my ward,” Y/N took another bite of her apple. “I might get transferred to the branch in France for a week coming up, though. There was a big gas explosion and they have over 200 burn victims. My supervisor said it would be a good experience for me.” 

“Oh, I read about that in The Prophet! Those poor people,” Lily filled the crust with apple pie filling. “I’m sure they need all the help they can get.” 

“Oh, I know. I haven’t learned much about burn solvents yet, so it’ll be interesting to learn on the job.” 

“Are you going this week? What a shame, it’s your birthday on Saturday.” 

“Oh, no, the earliest I would be leaving is a fortnight from now. I’m kind of a last resort since I don’t have much experience or training yet.” Y/N stood and threw her apple core into the bin. “How’s JP doing at the Academy? He’s in his second year by now, right?” 

“Oh, he’s doing lovely. The Order is grateful for his efforts and have been sending him on more missions than before.” Lily sighs. “It’s rather nerve wracking, isn't it? You’re lucky Sirius doesn’t get called on many.” 

Y/N laughed a bit uncomfortably. “Yeah, I suppose they prefer actual Aurors to go on the calls. But when he does go, those are the worst nights. I can’t imagine having to go through that on a daily basis.” 

“It’s really hard,” Lily’s voice cracks and she begins to cry. “I’m sorry, it’s the hormones.” 

“Don’t apologize, Lils. I know how scary it can be. At least he's with Wormtail most of the time, yeah? They’re at the academy together and all.” 

Lily takes a deep breath to control her crying. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. Thank god for Wormy.” 

~

“Hello there, pretty lady. I heard there’s a 21st birthday party to be thrown?” James said happily as Y/N opened the door of the flat. Lily and Remus tailed him ever so slightly, all three wearing large grins and holding brightly wrapped packages. 

“Birthday party? You guys don’t-” 

James waved his hand dismissively. “We’re already here, so you’re kind of stuck with us. Peter should be here eventually.” The three push their way into the living room. 

“The nice elderly woman downstairs asked me to bring you this,” Remus held out a cupcake with bright red frosting. Y/N took it happily and walked to the kitchen to set it on the counter. 

“Thank you, Moony. But, really, you guys didn’t have to. Sirius isn’t even here.” Y/N felt self conscious around her friends. She was wearing an old tee shirt from her early teens, a beloved Scooby-Doo tee with a rip in the left armpit, and black yoga pants. It was safe to say Y/N was more than ready to spend her birthday alone. 

“What do you mean, not here?” Remus was standing in the corner of the living room, flipping through Sirius and Y/N’s record collection. They had so many at this point that the couple was unsure which record belonged to who. 

“I don’t know, he left early this morning saying he got called into work. Something about an angry customer.” Y/N felt small under the group’s gaze. “I wasn’t really paying attention, I was half asleep.” 

Y/N watched as Lily and James shared a look. “I didn’t think the shop was open on Saturdays, but I guess they are.” Y/N’s shoulders lowered visibly, making Lily backtrack. “It’s the pregnancy brain, Y/N. I’ve been mixing things up for the past week and a half.” 

“Right, right. Of course. Um, how’s that going, by the way?” She crossed her arms across her stomach uncomfortably. 

“Oh, it’s going wonderful! We actually have something to give you, if that’s okay.” 

“Wait!” James cut in. “We should wait for Wormy to get here!” 

Lily hit his chest with the back of her hand. “Oh, come off it. You know how late he is to everything! Let’s do it now.” The couple led Y/N to the couch and sat on either side of her, both wearing matching shit-eating grins. Remus remained leaning against the wall, ready to flip the record when the time came. James placed a medium-sized purple box on her lap. 

Y/N carefully undid the wrapping paper, prompting James to let out a loud groan. 

“Any day now, woman!” 

Y/N giggled. “Hey! It’s my birthday! Be nice to me!” 

“I am being nice to you, Y/N! I gave you a present, didn’t I?” 

Y/N bumped her shoulder with his and reached into the box. Her fingertips met with the soft fabric of a tee shirt. Upon pulling the garment out completely, she observed that the words World’s Best Godmother was printed across the front. Immediately, Y/N dropped the shirt and covered her mouth with her hand. 

“Is that a yes?” Lily asked, her eyes tearing again. 

“Yes! Oh my god!” Y/N’s own tears trailed down her cheeks as she hugged both tightly. “Me? Godmother?” 

“I can’t think of anyone more worthy,” Remus remarked as he watched the heartwarming scene unfold in front of him. Y/N was so overwhelmed with joy that she had almost forgotten that Sirius was absent. Almost. 

The party went along swimmingly from there on out; Peter had arrived shortly after Y/N unboxed Remus’ gift, a new cauldron and potion ingredients, and another gift from the Potters, a pair of gorgeous black combat boots. The mousey-boy shuffled over to Y/N and handed her a small gift bag. 

“Oh? Thanks, Pete.” Y/N awkwardly pulled out the contents of the bag. “Oh, good, a gift card to Silver Sickle Bar and Eatery.” She tried to sound thankful towards the man in front of her, but the disdain was still evident in her voice. 

“Sirius said it was his favorite bar, so I thought you’d like it. Maybe we can grab some lunch there, obviously my treat,” He lazily gestures to the card in her hand. “We haven’t really hung out for a while. I figured it would be nice. If you don’t like it I can get you something diff-” 

Y/N cut him off with a hug, “Thank you, Peter, this was really thoughtful. Would next week work?” 

“Wednesday?” He wraps his arms around Y/N’s frame for a moment before letting go. 

“Wednesday works perfectly.” 

The four continued to hang out well into the night; laughing, chatting, drinking, listening to music, and playing board games. As the party dragged on, Y/N couldn’t help but grow worried about Sirius’ whereabouts. Her worries were harshly pushed aside, though, when Lily suggested they play poker. 

“Ugh, I fold.” Peter slams his cards down onto the coffee table and laid back onto the carpet in defeat. Y/N smirked at Remus, her only opponent, and gestured for him to show her his cards. 

“Straight, beat that,” Remus says confidently. James and Peter “oooh” childishly and looked towards Y/N. It was very apparent that all of them, besides Lily, were very buzzed. 

Y/N smirked and shook her head, “You play a hard bargain, Lupin. So good that I applaud you. But,” Y/N laid her hand on the table: four of a kind. “You’re just not good enough.” 

The room laughs as Y/N pulls the large pile of galleons, sickles, knuts and Lily’s wedding ring towards her. Y/N slips it onto her own ring finger and holds her hand as if to admire it. 

“Oh, Lily, dear, don’t you just adore my new ring? Look at how it glistens in the light!” 

The redhead rolls her eyes and snatches it off of Y/N’s finger. “I’ll just be taking that,” She puts it back on. 

“It will forever be known to be my legal property, Evans. Don’t forget it!” 

“Does that mean I’m married to both of you now?” James smiles a dopey grin and looks back and forth between the two women. Y/N pretends to gag. 

“On second thought, I surrender my rights to your ring.” 

The group continued their laughter until the front door of the flat swung open. A very drunk Sirius Black stumbled in the door, dumbfounded as to why all of his friends were in his house. 

“Why are you guys here?” Sirius slurred, pulling up the shoulder of his leather jacket. He bumped the record player in the process, making Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac skip. 

“It’s Y/N’s birthday, Sirius,” Remus responded, his soft voice contrasting to his previously upbeat tone. Sirius slouched against the wall and slid down it until he hit the floor. 

“Y/N’s birthday...Y/N’s birthday...Oh! Y/N’s birthday! Was that today?” 

James was quick to jump into action. Propelling himself off of the couch, he took Sirius into his arms and brought him to a standing position. Sirius, of course, whined the entire way up, claiming that the floor wanted him to sit there. James responded with a small hum before peeling Sirius’ jacket off of his body and throwing it onto the kitchen counter. As Y/N watched, she couldn’t help but notice a bright pink smear on Sirius’ neck. 

“Yes, it’s today, you big goof. Where have you been?” 

Sirius went into a big flurry of words as James brought him towards the bedroom. Y/N thought she heard ‘And you should have seen her!’ amidst all the jumbled words, but she pied that off as her anxious imagination running awry. Lily’s hand found her back and she rubbed soothing circles on Y/N’s shoulder blades. 

“He forgot,” Y/N said to no one in particular. “I can’t believe he actually forgot.” 

“I’m sure he didn’t forget,” Lily soothed Y/N, rubbing circles into her shoulder blades. “He probably got carried away at happy hour, you know how he gets.” 

“Happy hour on Y/N’s birthday though?” Peter shook his head. Something about his tone didn’t sit well with Y/N. Lily shot a glare his way. 

The party did not last much longer; Remus said he had an interview with Dumbledore about a TA position at Hogwarts, Lily was tired, and Peter said that he was going on a mission tomorrow and needed rest. Y/N bid her friends farewell with large hugs and thank you’s. 

It’s safe to say that Y/N slept on the couch that night. 

~

Y/N awoke to sunlight in her eyes and a crick in her neck. The living room window wasn’t guarded with curtains, so even at the early hour of 4:30 AM, the room was illuminated with soft oranges, reds, and pinks. Y/N sat up and reached her hands above her head to stretch her back. She looks towards the bedroom door, listening for the soft snores of her boyfriend. Her neck screamed in agony, but she still stood and padded over to open the door. 

Y/N twisted the doorknob with care, trying to be as silent as humanly possible. She needed to see Sirius, not have a conversation with him. Alas, in all his glory, Sirius lied on his stomach with his mouth hung open and drool oozing onto the pillow. The girl admired how he looked as he slept; the sharp jaw, the perfect skin, the messy hair, the peaceful look gracing his features. He still wore his skinny jeans from the day previous, but at some point during the night, he discarded his white dress shirt. Y/N’s gaze darted around the floor until it landed on the crumpled fabric. 

Y/N glanced back at Sirius, admiring the artwork that filled his back. She remembered the day he got it; James cried when he first saw the gorgeous antlers. The low light highlighted the dark brown ink and seemed to make his skin appear airbrushed. Y/N smiled in spite of herself. 

Closing the door softly, Y/N walks into their small kitchen to prepare some tea in order to calm her nerves. The apartment was rather messy from the ‘party’ and Y/N had to dig through endless dirty dishes to find a mug clean enough to use. Y/N finally found one, a lavender mug that Marlene had given her for her 17th birthday, and set it on the counter while she filled the kettle. 

The kitchen wasn’t as dirty as Y/N previously thought. Sure, the sink was overflowing with dishes, but the kitchen itself was rather clean. And besides Sirius’ leather jacket, the counter was clear. The floor, though, was slightly sticky. Y/N sighs and flicks her wand; almost silently, the dishes start cleaning themselves. 

Y/N reaches for Sirius’ jacket, only to have a squishy substance fall onto her feet. She jumps back in surprise and disgust of the weird texture. But, the real panic sets in when she notices a big red spot on not only the floor but the leather jacket. Upon further investigation, Y/N realizes it’s the frosting from the cupcake Remus had given her. Sirius was very protective of this jacket and if he saw this, Y/N would be a dead man. So, she did the only reasonable thing she could think of: scrub the material with a wet paper towel. 

Thankfully, the frosting came off easily and didn’t stain the material. The only real obstacle was the sweet scent of the frosting lingering on the garment. Sirius had an insane sense of smell, so if he picked up even the slightest trail of sugar, Y/N would be busted. She delicately lifted the material to her nose. 

The musky scent of Sirius filled her nose as normal; leather, smoke, cologne, and spearmint. Y/N grinned at the familiar scent until she noticed a strong rose perfume almost ingrained into the leather. Y/N’s perfume smelled of vanilla. 

~

Y/N held her breath as she opened the door of the Silver Sickle, she was in no mood to see Vanessa again. All the same, Y/N put effort into her appearance just in case. She let out her breath when she noticed an old man behind the bar and Peter sitting in the corner. 

“Hey,” Y/N said breathlessly as she pulled out one of the wooden chairs and sat down. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t feel a little nervous meeting Peter alone; the two seemed to rekindle their friendship after he and Sirius fought. He promised that he was just drunk and not thinking, and Y/N not wanting to cause childish conflict within their friend group, had accepted his apology. 

“Hey!” He squeaked. “I didn’t know if you wanted to day drink or not, so I just ordered you a water to start off with.” 

Y/N laughed awkwardly. “Thanks, Wormy.” She took a long sip from her straw, trying to slow her nervous heart. “So, uh, how’s the academy? James said you are taking more and more missions with the order.” 

Peter nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, it’s great! Being an Auror is really fun, you really get to show people who’s boss, ya know?” 

“Um, I guess?” 

“I think they’re gonna kick me out, though. I haven’t done the best job at catching who I’m pursuing.” Peter raises his eyebrows and cocks his head to the side. 

“Oh? Why not?” Y/N glanced over the menu, only half listening to what her companion was saying. 

“I just like to play with them a ‘lil, like a cat and mouse. Except this time, I’m not the mouse.” 

Y/N looks at a delicious looking chicken sandwich on the menu and hums in response. 

“So, how are you and Sirius doing? It seemed pretty rough last week.” Peter takes a chunk of ice from his drink and starts chewing it. “If you want to talk about it, I guess.” 

This brings Y/N out of her sandwich-filled thoughts. “I don’t know, to be quite honest. We haven’t spoken much and I barely see him. He leaves early in the morning...comes home late at night…” Peter nods as if he was a therapist listening to a client. “I don’t want to assume the worst but he’s making it rather difficult.” 

“I wasn’t going to tell you this, because it isn’t really my business, but…” He comps down on the ice cube. “I was coming home from a mission a few nights ago and I saw him with a girl. I’m not quite sure what they were doing but it sure as hell didn’t look platonic.” 

Y/N felt her entire world shatter into her lap. “What?” 

“Yeah, I don’t know. She was really short with long black hair and a skimpy cocktail dress. They were walking into that club off of Coventry Street. I almost beat the fuck out of him right then and there, but there were bouncers.” 

Y/N bit her trembling lip and folded her hands in her lap. Rifling through her purse, she slammed the gift card down and stood. 

“Thanks for the lunch date, Peter, but I don’t feel well. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” 

“Was it something I said?!” Peter yelled at Y/N’s retreating back as she left the bar. 

~

“Are you going somewhere?” Sirius asked, gesturing to Y/N’s packed suitcases by the door. 

“Yup, I’m going to France for a week to aid burn victims,” Y/N finished brushing her teeth before packing her toothbrush. “Didn’t think you’d care.” 

“Well, I do. You could have told me.” He leaned up against the wall and crossed his arms. 

“I would have if I actually saw you.” Y/N wasn’t in the mood to argue; she had about an hour before she had to leave, and she planned on using that time to relax with a cup of herbal tea. 

“What’s that supposed to mean? You see me plenty.” 

“Yeah, when you’re sleeping or showering. There’s not exactly time to chat when you leave early in the morning and come home well past midnight.” Y/N walked into the kitchen and cut a slice of bread. “Oh, by the way, Caspar brought up some sourdough, if you actually want any.” 

“Don’t change the subject like you always do, Y/N. I work hard to support us, you know that.” 

“I work hard too. And I get home before 11 every night. I’m not exactly sure how being a healer gets you home earlier than a tattoo artist, but whatever.” Y/N buttered her now toasted sourdough. 

“Sometimes a piece takes a long time, that’s not my fault! I’ve been getting big jobs recently! You should be happy for me!” 

Y/N let out a harsh laugh as she poured water into the kettle. “Do you really think I’m that fucking stupid, Sirius? Really?” 

“What do you mean? I think you’re rather smart.” Sirius followed Y/N into the kitchen and was leaning against the counter. 

“Yeah? Then why have you been lying to me for the past, I don’t know, two months?” 

“You can’t keep accusing me of things, Y/N. It’s not fucking fair!” Sirius stared holes into Y/N’s back. “For fucks sake! Look at me when I talk to you!” 

Y/N whipped around, her hair fanning around her face as she spun. “You know what’s not fucking fair? Letting a girl feel you upright in front of me. Lying about going into work. Forgetting my birthday and coming home from who knows where drunk as fuck with lipstick smeared all over your neck. Coming home drenched in another girl’s perfume. Taking your fucking side chick to a strip bar while I’m sat at home wondering if you’re fucking dead because we’re in the middle of a fucking war! You don’t know the first thing about fucking unfair!” 

“You’re not going to France, Y/N.” His jaw was clenched and his eyes held nothing but fire. The tone of his voice was like nothing she had ever heard before, at least not directed at her. He usually reserved it for people who yelled nasty things at her from the street, or when someone bad mouthed James. It felt foreign to hear him use it with her. Maybe she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did. “You’re not fucking going, and that’s final.” 

“What are you? My fucking mother? I’m going because I’m actually doing something good for the world, unlike your cheating ass.” Y/N pushed her way past her boyfriend and towards her luggage. 

“Don’t walk away from me!” Sirius followed her strides. He stopped and took a deep breath before continuing. “Y/N, darling, we need to talk about this-” His tone was notably softer than before as if he was trying to glue together shards of glass. 

“Talk about what, Sirius?! How you cheated on me and won’t even deny it? How you betrayed me in the worst way fucking possible? I’m not going to let you manipulate me into putting my career on the line to work out some issue you caused.” 

“What, so now I’m not important? You’re a fucking hypocrite!” 

“And how exactly am I a hypocrite, Sirius? You treat me like shit and whine that I’m done putting up with it? Gonna go cry to James about how you are so upset I wouldn’t hear you out after you cheat on me? Well, go the fuck ahead because James actually has a healthy relationship with a baby on the way. He won’t sympathize with you.” Y/N grabbed the handle of her suitcase and lifted her wand. “I’ll be back in a week and once we’ve had some time to cool off, we’ll talk about this like adults. I’ll see you soon.” 

Just as Y/N apperated out of the room, the kettle whistled and Sirius noticed Y/N left her half-eaten toast on the counter. 

~

It was near two in the morning when Y/N returned home from France the following week. The home was cold, dark, and vacant, and the entire appearance of the small flat had changed. In a week, Sirius had managed to completely trash the house. Even the smell of freshly baked goods was replaced with the sour smell of firewhisky and sex. 

Y/N ventured into the kitchen first, where she observed the large stack of dishes in the sink. Everything from to-go packages to their fine china (normal glass plates from the thrift) were stacked as high as the eye can see. Some were starting to mold and produce the most horrid smell. The stove housed the kettle where Y/N had left it, but this time it was cold and empty. Another pot that contained crusty spaghetti sat next to the kettle, and Y/N cringed at the thought of scrapping it out. She moved to the counter where her toast, now stale, sat. Y/N picked it up between two fingers and threw it into the bin. 

She carried on into the living room next. The couch cushions were tossed about the room and the small fur throw was draped across the back of the couch. The record player in the corner still held the Fleetwood Mac record Moony had chosen on her birthday as if it were a time capsule; Y/N couldn't help but reminisce about how happy she was with her friends that evening. Maybe that proved that she could be happy without Sirius in her life, or maybe it served as a constant reminder that he was woven into every aspect of it. 

Again, the room was covered with food wrappers and alcohol bottles. Y/N feared the liquid that remained in the bottles would leak and stain the carpet, so before moving on to the bedroom, she set each one upright. 

The bedroom was what Y/N feared the most; without her presence in the home, Sirius could have been intimate with an infinite amount of girls in her own bed. She shivered at the thought but pushed on and reached towards the icy doorknob. 

The room was the cleanest out of the entire flat, just various clothes scattered around the floor and a messy bed. Y/N wanted nothing more but to curl up under her warm covers and press her face into the chest of the man she loved most, but that was an impossible task. He didn’t love her anymore and that was something she had to deal with, she just wished she had savored the last time he held her. 

As Y/N explored further into the room, her feet found an article of clothing that neither Sirius nor Y/N owned. Bending at the hips to pick it up, Y/N held a red, lacy v neck bra in between her fingertips. Y/N fingered the material with teary eyes. Another step forward and her feet came into contact with the matching bottoms. Y/N laid the set out neatly on the bed and wallowed; it must have looked stunning on her. 

Y/N walked to the desk, where an ink well was left open and a half-written letter laid face up on the surface. She capped the ink with a wet chuckle. 

“You need to cap your ink, Sirius. If you don’t it’ll dry out. I won’t be there forever to do it for you.” Y/N said aloud, wiping her running nose. She picked up the letter against her better judgment and began to read. 

Prongs,

I know you’re mad at me, but please just hear me out. Vanessa is gorgeous, mate. She’s sweet and nice, but at the same time she's so witty and smart-mouthed. She even listens to Queen and the Weird Sisters!

She made me believe in love at first sight, JP. 

I’m going to marry her one day, mark my words!

The ink began to run as Y/N read and cried, making small blotches of black contrast against the stark white paper. Y/N placed it onto the table and gripped the edge to steady herself. Never in her 21 years on earth had she ever felt such pain, such sorrow. Her pains were usually cushioned by Sirius’ arms and sweet slurred language in the middle of the night, or by her friends’ loud cackles. But this time, this time was different; she was alone, completely and utterly alone. 

Y/N looked to the wall in order to ground herself; a small sliver of silver moonlight slashed against the wall, illuminating the otherwise dark room. Y/N traced the line with her eyes until she landed on the wooden coo-coo clock. 

The clock was one of Sirius’ most prized possessions; it was a gift from his Uncle Alphard that he received when he ran away from the Black family.  Alphard was one of the few Sirius still kept in contact with, and he was a big role model to Sirius when he grew up. Debatably, Alphard was the one who taught Sirius how to be a man. 

The present seemed lame on the surface, but that clock was one of Sirius’ favorite things when he was a child. Sirius had told stories of the long afternoons he would spend in front of the clock, waiting for the small, yellow bird to pop out of the top while Walburga and Orion fought in the background. Y/N respected Alphard with all of her being, but she wanted nothing more than to smash that godforsaken clock. She wanted to destroy everything that made Sirius happy, she wanted him to be under the same pain he was putting her through.

Y/N knew what she had to do at that very moment: she had to get out of London and move far, far away. So far away that no one would ever find her. So, she grabbed the extra suitcases in the flat and began to pack her things. 

Starting at the record corner, she picked every single one of her belongings and shoved them into her suitcase. Y/N had to shrink a few of her belongings, such as the couch, in order to fit, but in a little less than an hour, every hint of Y/N was packed away in three large suitcases. 

Y/N gave one last look at the apartment before apparating to Paris, where she knew she could start a better, more meaningful life. Maybe, she could even find a fresh bakery to supply her with warm loaves of sourdough bread. 

When Sirius returned to the flat the following morning, the only remaining aspects of Y/N were a striped scarf and two galleons folded neatly on the bed next to Vanessa’s lingerie. 

[maira-writes-shit]

You look cute

Tanizaki Junichirou x Tachihara Michizou

Tattoo parlor x Flower shop AU, meeting, fluff

Junichirou was a very simple person.

He loved his sister, his friends and his job.

He was a florist for one of the best flower shops in town.

Junichirou was currently working on a arrangement for one of their frequent customers. It was a old man that came by every week or so to get a small arrangement for his wife. They had been together for over 50 years now.

The redhead smiled down at the arrangement he just finished.

Their relationship is so sweet...I wish I could have that...

“Tanizaki! You’re back here, right?“

The man in question turned around to see his best friend Atsushi waving at him from the front of the shop.

The redhead nodded and walked out of the back room to the front the shop.

It wasn’t the biggest size wise and it was stacked with plants but it felt as much as home as the little apartment he and Naomi lived in.

„Aku is taking me out on a date. Could you cover my shift for today? Only if you're finished of course!“

„Sure thing, Atsushi! Don’t worry you’ll be fine!“

“Thanks you’re the best!“ the white haired boy then vanished into the back with a big smile on his face.

The older of the two looked at the closing door with a soft smile.

He had sadly been on the receiving end of most of his coworkers rants about this guy he constantly butted heads with but still somehow thought was kind of cute. It actually hadn't been that long ago when Atsushi had finally mastered the courage to ask Akutagawa out.

Junichirou was happy for him (also maybe because he wouldn't get random 3am calls of Atsushi screaming about said boy anymore...hopefully).

Since it was the late afternoon the shift didn't have many customers.

There was the old man coming to get his arrangement, a young man buying the classic (roses), a bride that came to check up on a few things and a mother and her little daughter who bought a couple of single flowers.

Junichirou helped them all and then sat back just scrolling on his phone.

He was just looking at the clock and realizing he should slowly start to close the shop, when the little bell above the stores door jingled.

The florist looked up to see a man standing slightly awkward in the door.

...a very handsome man.

He was around Junichirou's hight, with red hair some shades darker than Junichirou. The man wore a cropped green jaket and a white V-neck shirt as well as...a band aid on his nose?

Wierd fashion choice...b ut it doese look good on him.

He'd look good in everything.

Jun we don't even know his name!

I'm just saying!

Junichirou shook his head to get rid of his thoughts as he put on a smile again.

"May I help you?"

The man jumped a little but then went up to the desk at which the other redhead was sitting.

"Uh yeah. I think you can." Junicirou chuckled. "And how?"

The man rolled his eyes but his cheeks were tinted a light pink.

"I just need an arrangement for the front window of the place I work at." "Oh so you can say stuff that makes sense!"

Junichirou was usually not like this, especially to customers. He didn't know what it was about this guy that made it so easy for him to tease and joke but if he was honest...he liked it.

The redhead in front of him snorted and raised an eyebrow.

"So now that we've established that-" Junichirou stood up and grabbed his notebook and pen. "-what's the style you're going for?"

"Well it's a tattoo shop-" "The one down the street?" "-Uh yeah. Do you know it?"

The florist tapped his pen on the notebook.

"Yeah my coworkers boyfriend works there..." ,he mumbled as he walked over to some of the flowers in he coner that might be of intrest for the man.

"Oh-um well then if you've been there before you should know what type of aesthetic, I guess, we are going for, right?"

Junichirou hummed.

"'kay so I have some ideas. The thing is just you came very shortly before closing and frankly I have a sister at home that will beat the shit out of me if I'm not back on time so-"

The redhead went into the back to get his bag.

"_don't worry I'll have the arrangement finished tomorrow at noon. I'll just need you to write down your name and if you want it to be brought to the shop of course where the shop is. Please make it fast I can't be late."

The taller man in front of him looked slightly speachless but then seemed to regain his mind because he started writing the information down on the pice of paper JUnichirou had given him.

Tachihara Michizou, huh?

I'll remeber that...

Tachihara seemed to linger for a few seconds too long until he then turned around and walked to the shops door.

"Oh yeah by the way."

JUnichirou looked back up.

"You look cute." ,he winked. "Well see ya sometime, Red!"

JUnichirou just looked at the door closing with his mouth open.

"Wha-what the fuck just happned?!"

Honestly Junichirou was just confused.

He walked the short way to his and Naomi’s apartment without paying attention to anyrhing, nearly getting hit by a car.

He was so distracted that even completely ignored his sister who jumped to hug him the second he opened the door, which wasn’t good.

“Hey! Are you ignoring me?!“

“H-huh? Oh! Sorry Naomi!“

“Something must have happned at work today.“ the redhead could feel his cheeks heating up. „So I’m right!“

“Yeah ok ok you’re right.“ Junichirou walked around his sister into the kitchen, where he opened the cupboard to get out two bowls.

“So tell me!“

„You‘re a noisy one, aren’t you?“ „Hey! Don’t be mean to your adorable little sister!“

The siblings sat down as the water started to boil.

There was a comfortable silence between them even if Junichirou could practically feel Naomi‘s questions floating in the air.

“Ok it has to do with a customer.“ Naomi gave the happy little squeak she always gave when he told her, as she called it, „The tea“ from work.

“So I was just about to close where this guy came in.“ his sister seemed to visibly get even more intrigued.

„He was like really handsome. He was tall, had red hair, intense eyes and I’m pretty sure he wore eyeliner. He had an interesting fashion style and had a bunch of tattoos, because he works at the tattoo parlor Atsushi‘s boyfriend also works at.“

Naomi hummed with a smirk on her lips, as she held her head in her hands.

“Well he walked in last minute and asked for an arrangement for the front of their parlor. And of course I was like: „sure I’ll do it. It’ll be done by tomorrow just give me the name of the place and I’ll deliver it“, right?“ Naomi nodded.

“And everything is fine everything is normal.“ his sister raised an eyebrow. „Ok normal with a little bit more blushing.“

“Anyway! He walks out but just before he leaves he turns around to me and says, and I quote: „You look cute.“ and then he winked at me and left!“

The black haired girl in front of him gasped. „He winked?! No he didn’t!“ „Yes he did!“ „Oh god!“

The water was finally done boiling so Junichirou stood up to get it and finish their dinner.

“Well he seems to like you. Wait- did you get his name?“ „Uh- yeah I did. I need it for the delivery and everything, remember?“ „Yeah yeah. So what is it?“ „Tachihara…Michizou Tachihara.“

Even if Junichirou didn’t like the expression on his sisters face he just ignored it and sat down in front of her with the food.

„Good Morning Jun!“

„AHH Oh god Naomi don’t scare me like that!“

“Yeah yeah whatever. Come on I need to show you something!“

„Wait don’t I need to go to-wait it’s 6am. What the fuck Are you doing awake?“ „Pssst!“

Naomi basically ran through their small apartment dragging a very tried Junichirou behind her.

On the small couch the siblings own sat a girl with red glasses, long brown hair and tried looking green eyes.

Haruno, his sisters girlfriend.

„Good morning Haruno.“ „Good Morning Junichirou“, she said giving him a small smile. They suffered together by the hands of the one, Naomi Tanizaki.

“We found something out. Sit down.“ The black haired girl grabbed to open laptop sitting on the table in front of the couch.

With „we“ she probably mean Haruno, and she was just cuddling her half the time…

“Michizou Tachihara, 22 years of age, Tattoo artist. He’s currently single and a bisexual. He has been working at Port tattoo for about 2 or 3 years, not sure about that one. He’s pretty good friends with someone called Gin Akutagawa, but don’t worry they have a girlfriend.“

“Also before you ask: yes Gin is related to Atsushi‘s boyfriend. They are siblings“, Naomi‘s girlfriend piped up.

Junichirou was just stunned.

“Wha-what? When? How? Did you guys even sleep?!“

“No we did not but that is not important! What’s important is that we now know that he is single and probably attracted to you.“

He had no words.

Junichirou was distracted again.

He was just working on an arrangement for a handsome bisexual guy who told him he looked cute…

What the actual fuck?!

He took a step back.

The arrangement was beautiful, one of his best works he’d say.

A lot of dark blues and purples.

The hyacinths blending beautifully with the cornflowers. Just all in all pretty.

Sure he thought it was kind of embarrassing adding the cornflowers, he knew a lot about flower language after all but most of his customers didn’t really care especially for these types of jobs so the redhead bushed those thoughts to the back of his head.

Junichirou took a deep breath.

Lets do this!

Be confident!

He took the arrangement.

The walk wasn’t going to be long so it was fine for him to just carry it.

“Ok I’m off, Atsushi! See you in a bit!“ „Yeah sure thing, Tani!“

…

The walk to the tattoo parlor was blurr and now he was standing in front of it.

Oh fucking god-

Deep breaths Junichirou

Deep breaths

And he walked in.

“Hello how can I help you?“

The woman at the front was a little older than him, had blond hair that she had in a bun and had warm brown eyes. She looked nice.

“Uh I need to talk to uhm Tachihara?“

She eyed him a little bit visibly inspecting the vase in his hand.

She gave him a smirk.

“Yeah he should be free I’ll tell him.“

“Thank you…“

He had only ever been in here once. He had to wait in the front room as Atsushi and Akutagawa were at each other’s throats agin. Oh how happy he was they were dating now. Less fighting…less.

The place looked nice though.

Even if it had a rather cool color palette with a lot of blues, purples and blacks it still seemed very cozy and the seats were the softest things Junichirou‘s ass had ever touched.

Some of the work by the artist that worked here was displayed on the walls. These people were so goddamm talented.

[quileutlove]

The way I are

Pairing: Paul Lahote x Female!Reader

Words: 1119

Warnings: A little angst with a fluffy ending

This is my entry for @xoxo-nikki-xoxo​ contest, I choose the quote: “No one expects you to change overnight. It’s hard to be one of the good guys. Look, I screw up, too. I’ve made plenty of mistakes believe me. But I don’t quit… and I know that counts for something. At least you’re trying, right? “

Hope everyone likes it, please enjoy!

Y/N was a simple person, she needed little to be happy, an excellent book, a cup of coffee, and some time alone were enough to keep her inner peace. Too bad she was dating a hotheaded and very clingy werewolf, every time she tried to be alone for just 5 seconds Paul would pop up out of nowhere, telling her all about some random fight he has gotten into, some argument with a pack brother… Truth be told, more the half of the time Paul was the culprit of those fights and Y/N knew it‌, despite that, she would always listen to her lover rant about on and on for hours about how he was right and the others were wrong, and her alone time is once again delayed for some other time, and this is leaving Y/N on the edge.

That’s why on a Sunday morning she got up way before her usual hours knowing Paul would be fast asleep after his patrol, took a hot bath, and pour some coffee in her favorite cup, it was a blissfully and silent morning, no ratings, no arguments, no loud werewolves making some stupid bet the always ended in her having to clean the floor, she had finally some time alone. Grabbing her blanket she headed for the hammock in her backyard, book in hand, ready to catch up on her reading. Y/N was happy.

She was only on page two when a loud noise came from the woods, she recognized the sound, someone was fighting and something inside of her told her she knew who it was. The confirmation came minutes later when her boyfriend and Quil came out, shouting at each other about some random thing she really, REALLY, couldn’t care about, she was tired, her sanity was hanging by a thread, and he... He just seems to not even notice.

When Paul got closer to his Imprint he was in for the ride of his life, the look on Her face making him stop dead in his tracks, she had the angriest face he had ever seen on her angelical face, tears were pooling around her beautiful Y/Y/C.

-Baby what’s wrong??- Paul was scared, the fight will Quil completely out of his mind, all he cared about was his precious imprint.

-What's wrong!? What's WRONG!??- Y/N got up from the hammock, tears falling down her face- I’m tired Paul, tired!!! I can’t have 5 fucking minutes to myself without you ruining it with your temper, it’s always something. Some fight, some argument, someone always does something, always! Have you ever consider that maybe, just maybe, it’s not always everyone else?! I can’t take it anymore, I’m going insane here, I need some space.

Y/N grabbed her stuff and storm past the boys and went inside, she was a wreck, a sobbing and crying mess. She didn’t mean to be so harsh on her boyfriend, but she really couldn’t take it anymore, it wasn’t about some petty wish to be alone, she really needed it, it was how she handled her problems, how she keeps her mental health, those brief moments alone with just a book to keep her company was her sanity and he was taking it away from her.

Monday came and none of them tried to talk with the other, this was their first fight and none of them knew how to fix it, how to make it better. On one side Y/N knew she hurt him, she knew it was something he had a hard time controlling, and she blamed him for that, which was a bitchy move. She felt like a spoiled brat that got angry just because daddy didn't give her some random expensive car. On the other side, Paul was still trying to understand what lead them to this situation, he knew he had a bad temper, arguments were part of his daily routine but he was getting better, he was trying to be better, for her, for his Y/N. 

-Space, she said she needed space- Paul said, his voice rough from crying all night. 

-She just needs to calm down. - Emily said, joining him on the sofa- Everyone handles things differently, some yell, some fight, some prefer to be alone… And Y/N, she prefers to be alone, even when we were little she would always cope with things by being alone, that’s just who she is, and… well… You and the boys can be a little too much sometimes, and I say this with all the love in the world. 

Paul lowered his head, the pack mom was right, they were too much sometimes, too loud, too messy, too explosive… He followed Emily’s advice and give her girl some time, maybe a day or two.

On Friday he couldn’t take it anymore, he was hurting just from being away from her, he gave her space, he gave time, now was time to get his imprint back.

A loud knock on the door woke her up from her daydreaming, still startled at being pulled back to reality Y/N went to get the door, her heated skipping a beat when she saw Paul at the door.

-Paul?- She was confused, she thought he was mad at her from all those horrible and stupid things she said to him.

He tried to speak, opening and closing his mouth a number of times, but in the end, he just pulled her into his arms, holding her so tight, savoring the moment like it was the last one.

-I’m sorry. I know I have a bad temper and that I can be too much sometimes.- He said in her ear, his voice like a whisper- I’m trying to control it Y/N. I have been since the day I first saw you. I want to be better, for you.

-Paul, you need to do this for you baby, not for me- Y/N said stepping away from him just enough to be looking in his eyes.

-I know babe, I know. But I promise I will try harder, It won’t happen again, god I will do anything but please…- His pleading eyes were full of fear and Y/N felt so bad for making him feel this way for something she knew it wasn’t on purpose.

-No one expects you to change overnight. It’s hard to be one of the good guys. Look, I screw up, too. I’ve made plenty of mistakes believe me. But I don’t quit… and I know that counts for something. At least you’re trying, right?

-Right- He said, a smile finally appearing on his lips. He pulled her again, this time for a kiss.

-I love you Y/N.

-I love you more.

[luviedovey]

the you i fell in love with

connor murphy x female!reader

a/n: not me writing a fic about mike faist’s connor murphy 2 years after he left the show...... also Connor is probably ooc 

summary: you were Connor’s girlfriend who lived in the next town over, a little over a half hour away. his family didn’t know about you, no one did. he didn’t want his family or anyone he knew to scare you away. in the end, it didn’t really matter. he was gone. when the Connor Project came to be and Evan resigned from being co-president, you ran into him. you questioned him about his “friendship” with Connor and he told you everything.

set after the Murphy’s find out the truth and before the Evan/Zoe reunion at the orchard.

second person pov

warning: a few swear words, also very brief mention of depression and taking your own life, and Larry Murphy kind of being a dick

word count: 5,573

______

“Who are you exactly?” Evan questioned the girl who pulled him off to the side of the supermarket where no one else was around. To say he was a little nervous would be an understatement, he was freaking out on the inside.

“I’m so sorry! I probably scared you half to death dragging you along like that.. I just have some questions for you, if you don’t mind answering..?” You smiled at him sheepishly. Something about your awkward smile eased his mind a bit, but not enough. “No, sorry my mom actually is waiting for me by the-” “It’s about Connor!” You interrupted, looking at him through sad, heartbroken eyes. “..Please. Evan Hansen. I know you weren’t really friends with him. I know you weren’t even secret friends with him.. Because if you were, I would’ve known.”

Evan looked around before looking back at you, confused. “Who are you?” He asked for the second time. “I’m- I was Connor’s girlfriend. Y/N L/N. I met him 2 years ago at the apple orchard you guys rebuilt?  We both went there because we thought that no one else would be there and that it would be the perfect place to escape. His family and classmates never knew about me because he-” you laugh slightly,” he was afraid they would take me away from him. Or that his family would fight in front of me and he’d lose his cool or that his sister would say nasty things about him to ‘spare me from being in a relationship with him’ or even that the bullies at his school would turn me against him even though he knew damn well I could never.” You stopped rambling and passed him a Polaroid picture of the two of you, sitting against the chain link fence that surrounded the old abandoned apple orchard. You were looking up at Connor with heart eyes as he smiled back down at you. A real smile. This was the real Connor Murphy.

Evan looked up from the picture at you, shocked before quickly returning it to you. “Oh my god... You must think I’m such a h- horrible person for doing all this and pretending to be best friends with your- your dead boyfriend- I’m so sorry for your loss by the way- and making up all these stories about things we never really did and starting a whole online campaign about-” “Evan!” He stopped ranting, breathing heavily. “Breathe, okay? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Relax.”

It was silent for a moment before Evan mumbled a quiet, “Thank you.”

You smiled knowingly. “Now. Mind telling me everything?”

The two of you sat in your old beat up truck, as Evan told you everything. And by everything i mean everything. He started from the very beginning, “My dad left when I was 7 so now it’s just me and my mom. She works all the time at the hospital to support us and to pay for her education- she’s studying to be a paralegal- and so I’m usually home alone. I have anxiety so I take medication and go to therapy where I have to write a letter to myself hyping myself up for the day and trying to be positive and stuff-” “’Dear Evan Hansen’...”

He looked up from his hands at you, “Yeah.. Connor had one of my letters when he- um.. he took it from me earlier that day..” “It was your therapy letter? Why did he take it from you?” “Oh! You see he didn’t actually know it was a letter to myself for therapy he just thought I was being creepy and writing about his sister in a letter to print it out where he would find it and freak out and explode or something- That wasn’t why though, I didn’t even know he was in the room with me, I thought I was alone. He signed my cast before he read my letter, though. He said, ‘Now we both can pretend we have friends.’ Which is why I thought doing what I did would be okay but it wasn’t and it never will be and I really shouldn’t justify my actions because it was-” “Evan breathe.” “Right, sorry.” “Don’t apologize, it’s okay.” “Okay sor-” You gave him a pointed look.

“O-okay...” You giggled slightly, looking out of the window at the supermarket parking lot, “So.. he ran out with your letter, pissed because he thought you were fucking with him... And then he killed himself.” “Yeah.”

“So what happened after that?” “The Murphy’s showed up in the principal’s office three days later. I knew something was wrong because Connor and Zoe both weren’t in school and I know Connor skips but it’s not likely that they would both be out on the same days. Zoe doesn’t really skip school- she’s not that kind of person.” You nodded, gesturing to get to the point. “Right, they called me into the office because Connor had my letter and my name was on it so they thought the letter was for me. I tried to tell them it wasn’t- that I was the one who wrote it, but they were in denial. They kept reading parts of my letter back to me from memory, trying to make sense of it but I couldn’t tell them- I couldn’t get through to them....” He sighed.

“They invited me over to dinner and I went because I wanted to set the record straight but when I got there, they wanted to hear everything I knew about Connor. But I didn’t know anything, so whenever they brought something up I just nodded and agreed. Zoe was getting suspicious so I started to make things up. ‘Connor loved to talk about how much he hated skiing.’ ‘Connor took us to A La Mode and we ate our ice cream in the apple orchard where we climbed trees and raced across the open fields.’ ‘We would quote songs by our favorite bands.’ ‘We’d tell jokes no one else would understand.’ All lies. And they believed them. They wanted me to keep talking, they needed me to. They were broken and I just wanted to help them. I told them that we were friends on the internet where we’d email each other to talk about our day and stuff. And Connor would use a secret email account because he knew his dad was checking his regular email, and he didn’t want anyone to know we were friends.... Now that I think about it, this kind of sounds like your story.” You laughed, lightening the mood, and nodded.

“You know, you really aren’t that far off from who Connor was, despite the fact that you were making it up as you went. He wasn’t the monster that everyone thought he was. I mean sure in 2nd grade he pushed over a printer because he had a little tantrum about being skipped for line leader, but what kid doesn’t have a tantrum at least once in their life? It definitely didn’t help that all those kids grew up, making the story sound worse than it really was. He was always angry and stand-offish because everyone in his life would say shit about him that wasn’t true or be nice to him to get close enough to learn something new about him and then turn around and make fun of him for it. He was battling depression and needed help but his family didn’t want to believe there was anything actually wrong with him. I was the only one to believe him. To believe in him. But I’m just one person, and I guess that wasn’t enough..” You trailed off. Evan awkwardly put a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it with his thumb as a way to console you.

It was silent for a moment. “I think he would’ve liked you. It would’ve taken him a while to warm up to you, but I really do think the two of you could’ve been friends.” Evan smiled slightly, before frowning. “I pretended to be his friend for so long, but Alana- she’s the co-president of the Connor Project- started getting suspicious about our friendship, saying that the letters didn’t make sense because it sounded like Connor was getting better so I showed her Connor’s ‘suicide note’-” “Dear Evan Hansen, It turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all. This isn’t going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?”

“...Yeah. She believed me too. I told her not to show anyone because it was a really private thing, but she just said that was exactly what people needed to see. She posted it and people on the internet started to attack the Murphy’s, saying things like ‘They’re a rich family who couldn’t bother to pay for their son to get help?’ and ‘I’m not saying to do anything illegal but their house is the pale yellow house at the end of the cul de sac with a red door.’” Your hand flew to your mouth in shock. “They even leaked Zoe’s phone number and their house phone! Everything was just spiraling out of control and I didn’t know what to do. I panicked and the only thing I could think of to do was just.. them the truth. So I did and I told them everything. I wrote the letter, Connor took it from me, we weren’t really friends, and it was all a lie. I haven’t spoken to the Murphy’s since.” He fiddled with his hands in his lap and sighed. “And.. I’m scared. Scared that one day I’ll go to school and everyone will hate me or that the Murphy’s will ruin my life.. Not that I don’t deserve it, after what I did? I deserve worse.”

“Evan.. No one deserves that, especially not you. What you did wasn’t exactly the right thing to do but you had the best intentions.” He nodded silently, “What did you want to ask me earlier anyways?”

You turned, facing down at the wheel in front of you. “I wanted to ask you if you knew where he was buried.”, a tear slipped from your eye as you sighed, smiling sadly, “I didn’t exactly get to say goodbye..” “I could go with you if you’d like. To show you the way?”

“Thank you, Evan.”

___

During the ride to the cemetery, You and Evan talked, trying to lighten the mood, and quickly became best friends. The two of you didn't have so much in common but you were both very comfortable and supportive of each other. You were like the siblings neither of you had.

The two of you stepped out of the truck, and begun walking to Connor’s grave. “Oh! Hold on..” You turn back, grabbing a beautiful bouquet of red roses and pink tulips, with a small white card that said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you enough when you needed it, Connor. I will never forget you, mon amour. I love you, always.” Connor didn’t have a specific favorite flower but he did appreciate their meanings. Roses represent love, and tulips represent a declaration of love. You hoped that even though he was gone he would still appreciate the thought you put into it.

The two of you walked up to his grave. It was at this moment when it hit you that he was really gone forever. You dropped to your knees, carefully placing down the flowers. Tears streaming as you silently sobbed, Evan’s hand on your left shoulder and the ghost of Connor’s hand on your right.

“I’m sorry, Connor. I love you more than you’ll ever know..”

The two of you sat there in silence for a while, before agreeing to leave in case the Murphy’s decided to visit. Neither of you really wanted to run into them and have to explain who you were and why you were there. “Do you want to come over to my house? You look emotionally exhausted.” You laughed and nodded, starting up the car.

___

“Why didn’t you come to town sooner?” You sighed, “I just.. I didn’t want to believe that he was really gone, you know? And coming here, seeing his grave, and his grieving family just confirmed what I prayed wasn’t true.” You sipped on the hot chocolate in your hands, staring out of the window at the pouring rain and cloudy night sky. “Have you met them yet?” Evan mumbled, typing on his laptop on the couch beside you. He pulled up the Connor Project and read about all the many different things Alana was doing. “No.. But I feel like I should? Like I know things about Connor that would give them closure but I can’t bring myself to go over and talk to them.”

“If only there was a way for you to show them what Connor was really like so you wouldn’t have to talk to them...” It was silent for a moment, “Actually... Connor and I used to write each other handwritten letters and take a lot of pictures together..” “Well what are the odds..” he giggled, “Maybe you could give those to them? The ones that aren’t super personal?” You sat together deeply in thought.

“But I can’t exactly bring myself to just give them away... Maybe I could copy them and white out all the personal stuff? Like the things between me and Connor only, and my face and name?” Evan nodded, agreeing that that would be the best option. You’d create a box filled with things Connor wrote and pictures of when he was truly happy, then leave it on the Murphy’s doorstep. It was a safe, no-contact interaction.

___

The next night, you went over to Evan’s house with the box labeled “The Real Connor Murphy. (i’m so sorry for your loss.. i thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.)” Evan gave you directions to the Murphy household. Eventually, you parked in front of the pale yellow house, all three cars were in the driveway. “You better be quick if you don’t want anyone to see you.. Just.. keep the car running, drop off the box, ring the doorbell, and book it back here and drive off. Don’t turn back.” “Okay super spy.” You laughed nervously.

You walked up to the door, placing the box neatly on the ground with a single rose and tulip tapped on the top, rang the doorbell, and ran off. You jumped into the car and drove off just as Evan, who was previously hiding away from the car window, saw the red front door begin to open.

___

“Larry!” Cynthia Murphy exclaimed, picking up the box from the front porch to the dinner table, placing it beside the small card they had found on a mysterious bouquet of flowers they found the day before against Connor’s gravestone. “What is that?” He asked, looking at it with disinterest. “I found it on the porch, it says ‘The Real Connor Murphy. I’m so sorry for your loss.. I thought maybe you would like to have these to know who he really was.’ It’s in the same handwriting as the note we found on that bouquet of flowers. It even has the same two flowers! It has to be the same person. Someone who really loved him...” “What’s inside?” Zoe asked while reading and rereading the small card.

Cynthia opened the box to find handwritten letters from Connor and a mystery girl, photos of Connor laughing, smiling, pouting, hugging and kissing someone with a scratched out face. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. This was the real Connor, a whole different version of him that the three were completely unaware of. Seeing him like this was just so unfamiliar to them, they couldn’t believe their eyes for a moment. Zoe picked up a letter, reading it aloud,

“Dear Y/N

Things haven’t been going so well lately, my parents are always fighting, my mom pretends like there’s nothing wrong, my dad doesn’t pay attention to anyone but himself anymore, and Zoe hates me.

Not that I blame her, I hate myself too. But I don’t hate myself when I’m around you. I’m so glad to have you around. You make life just a little easier every day.

It’s harder when you’re not around, I get angry easier when I get bullied at school or when Zoe says something awful about me. I just feel like I’m an airplane about to crash, but with you around I feel like I’m flying. Smooth sailing. Floating even. You are the most perfect girl I’ve ever met.

Thank you. I love you.

Sincerely, Con”

“He.. he had a girlfriend..?” She said, in shock. The three began to shuffle through the letters, photos, and little post-it notes, putting them in piles. “These are all copied..” “Maybe whoever left them didn’t want to give the originals away..?” “Maybe because she still cares about and loves him and didn’t want to give these away. They seem so.. personal.” Cynthia picked up a post-it note,

“Tu es belle Y/N, je t'adore.”

“What does that even mean?” Zoe pulled out her phone going straight to google translate, “It’s says ‘you are beautiful, i adore you.’.. I didn’t know Connor knew french.” “He never took a class for it. Maybe he learned it on his own?” Larry picked up a photo this time, Connor was standing in front of the apple orchard’s rotting old sign in the middle of the field, fake pouting and wearing a thin little flower crown you had made him. “I didn’t know Connor had any feelings other than anger.” Cynthia hit his arm. “Wait,” Zoe said, grabbing the attention of her bickering parents, “This letter has a picture and a post-it note attached to it.”

“Dear Con,

Thank you for the painting, it’s absolutely beautiful. You are so so talented. The way you put so much thought into every detail is truly admirable. You make everything you paint so exciting and captivating, even if the thing you’re painting isn’t very exciting at all. You see the beauty in the things that most people never give a second glance.

It kind of reminds me of the way I look at you.

To most people that don’t know you, you are a “freak” or “school shooter chic”. But, when I look at you, you are none of those things. You are beautiful, you are captivating, you are perfectly imperfect. You are worth it. Don’t give up on me darlin’.

I love you.

Sincerely, Y/N/N”

Attached to the letter was a photo of the painting mentioned. It was a painting of your beaten old navy blue truck parked beside a chain link fence that blocked it off from the open field. In the background, the sun was setting in a perfect blend of yellows, oranges, and reds. It was so detailed that if you weren’t already aware that it was a painting, you would’ve probably thought it was a photo taken from a fancy camera. “It really is beautiful..” Cynthia trailed off, wiping a stray tear that fell from her eye, “He was so talented. I didn’t even know he liked to paint! I mean I knew he took an art class but because he skipped school so much, I never even thought he went..”

“I guess we really didn’t know Connor at all..” Zoe begun to get angry, “What kind of family does that?! I mean we lived with him, I grew up with him, you two raised him, and we still didn’t even know who he was?! This.. this stranger even knew more about him than we did! Do you realize how sad this is? We have to learn about our dead family member from a complete stranger because when he was alive, we were too busy pretending like he was just acting out for attention instead of actually needing help! He needed help and we didn’t give it to him! It’s not like we couldn’t afford to take him to therapy! We just pretended like he was a monster and if we ignored him, he would stop..” She took a deep breath, “Maybe we were the monsters and his anger and tantrums were his cries for help...” “Zoe..” Cynthia reached for her arm but she pulled away, running up to her room while choking back tears. “..She’s right.”

The two were quiet for a long period of time, reading and rereading every letter and every note, memorizing every photo.

Cynthia held up a photo of Connor and a girl, whose face was completely scratched out, “Who are you..”

___

The next day was a particularly warm day so you and Evan drove over to A La Mode as a victory ice cream run of sorts. You really believed in treating yourself after small, seemingly insignificant, victories such as dropping off a box of precious letters to a grieving family. They needed closure, and you were willing to give it them. Evan, despite talking about A La Mode with the Murphy’s before, had never actually been. You two talked and ate your ice cream sitting in the back of your truck, looking out at the orchard across the street. The orchard was renamed the “Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard”, which made your heart a little heavy. Another reminder that he was really gone.

In the distance, on the other side of the fence sat the Murphy’s who were packing up from their weekly picnic. As they got up to walk out of the orchard, Zoe looked across the street. “Wait a minute..” Her parents stopped walking. “What is it Zoe?” Larry asked. She pointed at the car parked across the street, “Isn’t that the car that Connor painted his girlfriend in that letter? And Evan?” They looked across the street to find the same navy blue truck and a familiar face.

Evan paled, “The Murphy’s are looking at us!” he whisper-shouted. You began to turn around, but Evan stopped you. “No don’t look!” Your head whipped back to him as your face paled, “They recognized my car..” “How could they? It was night time when you dropped off the box and the door barely begun to open as you drove away..”

You smiled sheepishly, “I may or may not have given them a picture of a painting Connor made me of my truck parked beside that exact fence...” Evan facepalmed and gave you a deadpanned look. “Well they’re starting to walk across the street now.”

You shot up, “Let’s go.” “I mean would it be so bad to meet his parents?” Evan asked as the two of you scrambled into the front seats. “I’m just.. I’m not ready to have that conversation just yet.” You reversed out of the parking spot and drove back onto the road.

“Wait!” The Murphy’s shouted to the car as it begun to drive off. “There was a girl driving. Maybe that was her?” Cynthia asked, hopefulness clear in her voice. “She was with Evan, do you think the box of letters were fake?” Larry, always the optimist. “They couldn’t be, they were handwritten in Connor’s handwriting. Even the french notes.”

Zoe thought for a moment, “Well if we’re going to find her, we should probably start with Evan’s place first.” “Who said we were going to look for her?” Larry asked, “I’m not wasting my time on a wild goose chase. She’s already shown us enough about Connor.”

Cynthia turned to her husband, “How could you say that? She could be the one thing to bring us closer to our son. Our son who took his own life because he felt that that was the only path left for him. And you don’t want to try to find her? Find closure? Honestly Larry, what is wrong with you lately!” “I’m sorry. We’ll find her.”

___

The Murphy’s found themselves at the Hansen household. They knew you were there. After all, your truck was parked in the driveway. Inside were you, Heidi, and Evan. You had just met Heidi, but she loved you. She was thrilled to find that Evan had made a friend like you. You hung out with Evan even after learning he lied about being friends with your recently deceased boyfriend, and helped him when he started to rant and breathe heavy about it. You were so kind-hearted, forgiving, and calm by nature, that he was finally comfortable around someone. You were quickly best friends.

A knock at the door startled the three of you. “Are you guys expecting anyone?”, Heidi stood up to get the door as you and Evan turned to each other. He placed a hand on your shoulder to comfort you. “I suppose now’s a good time as ever, even though I really only had 24 hours to prepare myself..” You muttered, the two of you walking towards the front door.

The Murphy’s stopped and stared at you. “Are you.. Were you Connor’s girlfriend?” Cynthia asked. You nodded slightly, rubbing your arm as a nervous habit. “I’m Cynthia, this is Larry and Zoe.. We’re Connor’s family.” “I know.”

Heidi invited them in, everyone heading to the living room. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.. We just wanted to thank you for all the letters and photos of Connor. It feels like we’re finally getting to know who he really was on the inside.” You looked up from your lap, “No offense ma’am, but shouldn’t you have gotten to know your own son when he was still around?”

Zoe laughed, awkward and uncomfortable. “I really don’t think that’s funny.. especially considering you didn’t bother to get to know him either.” You said getting defensive, sticking up for Connor. Even if he was gone, you would never stop fighting for him. You did truly love him after all. “And before you say ‘Connor wasn’t easy to talk to. He would always yell and storm off.’, just think about the fact that having a relationship with someone is a two way street. You can’t expect someone to make an effort if you don’t try to do the same.”

The three looked at her in shock. Heidi and Evan smiling sheepishly in the background. “I..”, Larry started, but trailed off, not being able to come up with a proper response. Cynthia and Zoe looked deep in thought, unable to do the same.

It was quiet for a long amount of time.

“You’re right. You’re right and I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. And the only thing we could do now is learn from our mistakes. We don’t exactly know how we’re going to do that but we’re willing to try. And we’re hoping that you could help us? Help us figure out what to do and help us learn about who Connor was?” Zoe finally spoke up, her parents nodding along in agreement.

You were trying to heal from everything that happened and them putting all their hope on you wasn’t really helping. But maybe grieving together would allow everyone to heal and remember him in a more positive way? At least you hoped.

There’s a lot of hope pinned on others here.

“I suppose helping you all would let us heal.. together?” You said, slightly questioning your own words, turning toward Evan. He shrugged, giving you a thumbs-up. “But I don’t feel comfortable talking about Connor unless Evan is around.” You paused, “It’d be nice to have a familiar face around and we’re practically best friends now.. so..” “Yes of course.” The three stood up, walking to the front door, “We’ll come back here at 11AM tomorrow and drive to the orchard for a picnic if that’s alright with the two of you?” You and Evan nodded simultaneously. “Are you allergic to anything dear?”

With the shake of your head and a quick goodbye from Evan and Heidi, the Murphy’s were off.

“Am I doing the right thing here? Connor didn’t even want his family to known I existed! And now we’re going on a picnic with them? Where I have to talk about him?” You sat down, head in your hands as a headache begun to grow. Heidi placed her hand on your shoulder gently, “It’s going to be tough right now, and it’s going to be emotionally draining, I’m sure. But, if you really think that they deserve to know who he really was, that how they perceive him is wrong, then I think you are doing the right thing. You’re helping them, you’re helping yourself, and you’re helping Connor. You did say that he wanted to change the way people saw him. And you’d be doing that for him, even if he’s not physically around to see it happen.”

“Thank you, Heidi.”

___

“It’s really nice of you to agree to meet us here, Y/N. And Evan, it’s nice to have you here too.” Cynthia smiled, putting down a blanket for the picnic. Everyone sat down in an awkward silence.

“So... is.. is there anything you wanted to know that wasn’t already in the letters?” You asked, picking at the blades of grass beside you. Evan slapped your hand away from the grass, silently scolding you in true forest ranger fashion for messing with nature. The Murphy’s turned to each other, silently debating what to say and who would say it. No surprise to you and Evan that the one to speak up was Cynthia. The past couple of hours really showed that she was the only one who seemed to care, at least a little bit, about Connor when he was around, though Zoe and Larry were trying their best now.

“Why didn’t Connor bring you around to meet the family? It really seemed like you brought so much light to his life. I mean, you brought out parts of him that we didn’t even know existed!” “We thought he was a monster...” Zoe muttered sadly.

Your heart ached for this family, they really knew nothing about him.. “Connor didn’t bring me around because he was afraid you’d all ‘scare me off’,” you laughed slightly, “And Connor may have been a monster to you, but the real Connor was never a monster, to me or to anyone in my small town. In the next town over, no one knew who Connor was or what he’d done in the past. It was like a fresh start. Which I knew he desperately needed. I mean, with all the people bullying him, hurting him physically or emotionally or both, and spreading fake rumors about him since he was in the second grade? He was angry and hurting and he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he would lash out. But wouldn’t you react the same way? Build up walls so people wouldn’t hurt you? Isolate yourself so people couldn’t get close enough to?”

It went silent again, the only sound was the wind blowing in the summer breeze and the trees rustling in the background.

“She’s right.”

Everyone looked up, faces showing some form of shock. Larry continued, “All that stuff was going on in school and we made it worse for him at home. He asked us for help and we always assumed he was doing for attention. No matter how hard we tried to be a perfect family, we never were and we probably never will be.”

Zoe wiped away a stray tear. “Even though you couldn’t save your kid, maybe there’s a way you could save someone else’s?” He turned to you with a questioning glance. “I mean you have to admit, you’re a pretty wealthy family, maybe you can spend some time donating to suicide prevention hotlines and foundations that were created specifically to help those who are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts like Connor was? I know for a fact that Connor hated the way that he felt, and would never want anyone to go through what he’d been going through, no matter how much of an asshole they were.”

Cynthia reached over to you, placing a hand on your knee, smiling as tears fell freely from her face, from all of their faces. “That’s a brilliant idea, Y/N.”

___

The picnic went on as you told them stories of your’s and Connor’s adventures together. Jumping over the fence to lay around in the yellow fields of the old orchard, helping your mom arrange flowers in her flower shop (he would always make sure his bouquets were well thought out in their meaning), buying junk food and snacks when having movie marathons on a Saturday night, sketching and painting moments together so you two would never forget them.

With each little story, his family knew more about him and you felt as close to him as you had been before that heart-wrenching summer day. 

You fell behind from the group as you all walked out of the orchard. Turning back and taking one last look at the entrance, the fields, and the growing trees of the Connor Murphy Memorial Orchard, you notice a figure dressed in black standing with his back against the fence. He gave you a smile, a genuine yet sad smile, mouthing the words “thank you” and “i love you”, before disappearing in the wind.

[darlinvandijk]

Smile Please

Concept: Might not be too like put together since I had so many ideas coming to my mind for this. Not a request but someone said imagine being in quarantine and not being able to see Ruel and missing him, then like having him sing to you so you can fall asleep. Well I decided to do that but also put a complete darlin twist on it.(She’s also in the industry too btw) Can you tell what this is the prequel to? I hope you enjoy :)

A sigh escapes my lips as I stare at my laptop screen, Netflix asking if I’m still watching for the 15th time today, like I’d be doing anything else. Every single day is a blur of Netflix, naps, FaceTime calls, and YouTube binging. Oh, and absolutely no human contact.

I roll over on to my stomach as I hear my phone buzz, praying that it’s someone trying to talk to me, rather than getting another meaningless social media notif. My heart skips a beat as I see my boyfriend texting me, nothing but excitement filling me as I see the word FaceTime. Only to be filled with dread as I think about how I look, having put in absolutely zero effort the last few days, because I mean who’s going to see me?

I toss my phone on to my bed, telling Ruel to give me a few minutes, before launching myself into my closet. I rip off my stained sweats and hoodie, before realizing I haven’t done any laundry in a week. I rip a pair of shorts out of the pile on my floor throwing them on, before grabbing my secret hoodie that I always keep hidden. The hoodie that Ruel has no clue about, because if he did, well he’d lose his mind. Desperate times call for desperate measures though.

“Hi baby, you’re looking beautiful as always” Ruel sweetly says, instantly answering my call as I lay back down on my bed, still keeping my body out of sight from him. Upon hearing his sweet words, I bring my hand up to cover my face, not wanting him to see the red hue taking over. He laughs at my actions before freezing, staring at me with a look I can’t quite figure out, the smile from his face completely gone. “Babe, what are you wearing right now?” he practically shrieks at me, his eyes now glaring at me with complete betrayal filling them. Betrayal that could have been avoided if I just answered shirtless.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Rueloff, anyways, how’s your day going?” I question, my eyes looking anywhere but him. My question is met with silence, a haunting silence that causes chills to run down my spine. “That’s great to hear, you’ve had a fun day huh, well let me tell you about my day, so I took 5 naps today, I know right less than usual, I also watche-“ I immediately blurt out, seeing Ruel try to open his mouth to talk, his eyes now drilling holes into the visible hoodie.

“You told me you hadn’t seen that sweater since the Paris show! You stole my sweater and didn’t tell me for 7 months?” He cries out, waving his hands around the air in distress, thinking about the all the lies I spewed about his favorite hoodie. “You told me it must’ve been misplaced when we left the venue, because and I quote, you had seen it on the couch. You’re a thief. My own girlfriend is a snake” he whines, shoving his face into a pillow, grumbling more things about how I can never be trusted again.

“I asked you to let me wear it and you always told me no, I did what I needed to do. You know this is my favorite one” I mumble, playing with the sleeves that go past my hands. He gives me an incredulous look, wondering how I’m able to turn this against him so fast, not knowing I’ve been preparing for this since the day I shoved it into my underwear section of my bag. “I can give it back if you want, I just like it because it smells the most like you.” I whisper, looking into his eyes finally with a pout, knowing it’ll win him over. As soon as the pout forms, his eyes are instantly drawn to my lips, his eyes softening at the gesture.

“You’re such an asshole, trying to guilt me for wanting my favorite hoodie back, but fine. Keep it, I guess you look better in it than I ever did pretty girl” he groans, unable to keep the smile off of his face as he sees my body drowning in his hoodie. I lean against my headboard laughing, my phone set up on my night stand, completely oblivious to the beautiful boy watching me. Ruel sits there in awe, eyes wandering over every inch of me, his expression softening by the second. “You truly are stunning though sweetheart, so fucking stunning” he breathes out, gaze unwavering when I look at him, my heart stuttering as I take in the look he’s giving me.

“I miss you” I tell him, as I lay down and pull a blanket over my body, the heartache of not being able to see each other fully kicking in. He lets out a deep breath, feeling useless as he watches me wipe my eyes, knowing there’s nothing he can do to fix this. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to kill the mood. It’s just been hard without you lately, but I know we have to stay home for a good reason, it just sucks” I whimper, my voice cracking as I try to keep my tears at bay, feeling more emotion than usual because of how late it is.

“It’s okay, don’t apologize love. You didn’t say anything wrong, this social distancing thing does suck, but before we know it you’ll be back in my arms again yeah?” He questions, trying to lighten the mood, only ending up with a frown as he watches the tears finally fall down my face. He gives me a few moments to gather myself, watching as I grab some tissues, my ragged breathing the only sound filling the air. “Don’t cry bubba, please don’t cry. I miss you more than anything, you know that. You also know that it breaks my heart to see you cry, think you can give me a little smile please? Might die if you don’t ” He dramatically whines out, covering his face with his hands, putting on the biggest show possible. I don’t see it, but as soon as I laugh at my boyfriends dramtic performance, a smile spreads across his lips, pride filling him as he gets me to cheer up a little.

He lays down in the same position as me, both of us facing our phones as we look at one another, a comfortable silence settling over us. My eyes wander over his messy grown out hair, looking at his mustache that he takes so much pride in, and looking at the necklace hanging out of his hoodie. The necklace that holds the plain band version of my promise ring that he got me, saying that it was unfair if I was the only one that got to have “major drip”. As my eyes wander, I subconsciously start playing with the drawstring of my hoodie, not noticing the way his eyes instantly get drawn to my promise ring, love filling his heart as he watches the small diamond in the middle sparkle in the light.

“I can’t wait till I can change that ring to a real one” he muses, picturing the day he’ll get to switch out my ring with the one he already knows he’s going to get when the times right. My eyes widen at his confession, my heart speeding up as I hear the seriousness in his voice. “Even if it means having to wait until I can finally catch a break from all of this” he mumbles, getting caught up in his head, thinking about how nonstop his life seems to be, wondering if he’ll actually ever have the freedom to settle down. Or if it’ll make me runaway before he can even get the chance.

“One day bub, one day. I promise.” I smile at him, knowing my reassurance about what our future holds puts him at ease, his biggest fear that I’ll leave from not being able to handle what comes with being together. “I know you get worried that your career and you being gone a lot will make me not want this anymore, but I promise that won’t happen. No empty love or empty promises here, I’m not that shallow bub. Your career is important to you and me, I’ll never let it get in the way of us” I tell him, watching as he nods his head with a small frown. He starts to fiddle with the ring, sliding it around the chain before looking up at me with a curious look.

“Do you ever get worried? That this will become too much and the nonstop lifestyle of it will just do more harm than good. I can’t think of my future without you in it, but this is a lot to deal with” he questions, concern flashing through his eyes, my gaze catching on to the slight shake of anxiety in his hands. “Once this pandemic is up I’m gone again, more shows and interviews. I just don’t want it to hurt us, because you’re my priority. That’ll never change. I just don’t want you faking that it’s okay, when I know it bothers you” he rants, running a hand through his already messy locks, the stress of the future already taking over his mind.

“I promise we’ll be okay. Your career will never be too much for me, if you can put up with mine and my random traveling for shows and interviews, then I’ll support you and your career.” I reason with him, watching him nod his head, still not fully convinced with my answer. I softly call his name, making him look me in the eyes, seeing the absolutely confident look I give him. “You’re always going to be a priority, your career and mine can’t change that. I’ll never fake anything or tell you something that isn’t true” I state, watching his shoulders sag in relief, my words finally easing the anxiety he’s feeling. He takes a few moments to think before giving me a final nod, deciding that I convinced him enough that his career won’t scare me away.

“I know, I know. I just get worried, we’re both in an industry where everything is just so fake, you can’t ignore the fabrication.” he quietly says, both of us thinking about the things that truly happen behind the scenes, the things the fans don’t know about. “You’re right though, we’ll be fine. I love you and you love me, that’s all the matters. It’s all we need to make this work” he confirms, giving me a boyish grin. I let out a laugh at his smile, before a yawn takes over, making my eyes water as the fatigue of being up so late finally kicks in.

“I’m getting bubba, but I don’t want to hang up” I whine, as I cuddle further into his hoodie, pulling the blanket up to my chin. I watch him with droopy eyes, trying my hardest to stay awake with him, knowing he wouldn’t be going to bed anytime soon. “Can sing for me? I miss hearing you” I mumble, my words incoherently forming a thought that he understands, a quiet laugh escaping his mouth as he hears it.

“Go to sleep baby, I won’t hang up.” he promises, watching as I get more comfortable. Once I stop shifting around, he gets comfortable, and decides to sing the one song he knows always helps me sleep. “I will always love you how I do, Let go of a prayer for you, Just a sweet word, The table is prepared for you” he softly sings out, his voice over the speaker filling my room, slowly lulling me to sleep, my mind filled with nothing but thoughts of love and adoration for him.

I’m already asleep by the time he finishes, not seeing the way he watches me with a small smile, not being able to hear the last few thijge he utters before letting himself also drift off to sleep. Not knowing the weight his words would truly hold in the future.

“I love you sweetheart, nothing will ever get between us, I promise. Our love is deep enough, we can handle it.”

[misterywaren]

My Chaotic Reread Of Cdth

I’m rereading Cdth and the emotional roller coaster I’m on has me going on Tumblr and ranting as a read, hopefully someone can relate.

SPOILERS!!!  MAJOR MAJOR SPOILERS!!  (Disclaimer: It’s long)

All quotes belong to Call Down The Hawk By Maggie Stiefvater!

Welcome to today’s session of “I’m a train wreck of a reading person”!

“Lock tapped the time of Nathan Farooq-Lane’s death into his phone.”   Pg 10

Dangerous dreamers, fun.  Killing your own sibling with an obsession with blades, so much fun.

“Ronan Lynch was about to end the world.”   Pg 11

Rereading this makes me laugh, it’s so funny that one POV is like “Oh no we have to find the Zed who wants to end the world asap” and meanwhile insert Ronan Lynch: I’m about to end the world.  Slow down Lynch, we’re only on chapter 2 and I haven’t had my sip of coffee yet.

“Ronan missed him like a lung” Pg 17

Idk man, this is what I call quality romance, if you don’t miss your lover like a lung you’re doing something wrong.

“Please.” Pg 32

If you know, you know.

“You smell like home.” Pg 35

My heart, awe

Okay, when RONAN DOESN’T MENTION NOAH, I HURT.  For real, I read those theories dhuiehuefhefuheui

““Don’t kill anyone.”  The words were only an excuse to breathe in Ronan’s ear; it made a marvel of his nerve endings.” Pg 39

ADAM YOU FLIRT-

*reads the fight-not a fight part* *closes book* *walks out the front door* we’re gonna buy Adam Parrish a cup of self-worth. (Pg 44)

“I want it too much.” Pg 46

....and murder crabs 

“Now who’s the little bitch?” Pg 73

Ah, yes, the moment I fell in love with Hennessy.

“Nightwash” Pg 76

Okay, ngl when I first read this my mind was like: mouthwash Now I’m like: The name is perfect 

“Is there any version of you that could come with me to Cambridge? No” Pg 76

jwhdjshsbhjfv 

“You are made of dreams and this world is not for you.” Pg 77

Oh you- ~ The text messages between Ronan and Gansey are wholesome

“DBAG LYNCH” Pg 87

*Cackles*

Chapter 12 really changed my perspective of Declan and let me tell you, I came out of this book wanting to hug the hell out of Declan- 

“Jordan imagined flinging herself from a roof and flying” Pg 101 

The moment I fell in love with Jordan ~ Parsifal- I- <3

“Bryde, they said” Pg 128

Meanwhile, my brain: Here comes the Bryde 

“The orphans Lynch.” Pg 135

*tears* ~ Declan and Jordan = Yes  (Pg. the whole book) ~ Tbh when Gasey asked if “Badass” was two words or one, I spent 15 minutes thinking about that- but that’s just Gansey, he says something, sends me to question mark nation and then monologues, love him. (Pg. 161) ~ OH MATTHEW YOU INNOCENT I’M SO SORRY FOR WHAT’S COMING FOR YOU- (Pg 160) ~ PARSIFAL T-T (Pg 166) Carmen...ah  (Pg 179) ~ Chapter 28: HOLD ON, HOLD ON ~ PARSIFAL T-T (Pg 195)

““I saved your life because I love you and I was scared [...]”  “I know you.”“ (Pg 204-206)

Yes, that’s all, yes ~ Tyrian purple (Pg 214) ~ YES DECLAN HAPPINESS, H A P P I N E S S (Pg 231) ~ *Insert Adam* *Insert Ronan* *Insert kisses* *Insert my happy tears* I’ll never tire of this scene, never, it’s so, you know? (Pg. 235-237) ~ *insert scrying* *insert scream* there has been a disturbance in the force *insert Ronan holding Adam* disturbance has been demolished (Chapter 39) ~ *insert Adam leaving* :( *insert Adam stalling* :D *insert Ronan feeling alone* :( *Insert kisses goodbye* :D  (Chapter 41)

“You are the most expensive thing I have ever saved” Pg 267

And this is the moment where I stared at the page for 5 minutes just loving this line ~ *Insert Ronan saving Hennessy* "THAT’S MY SON!” I yelled into the abyss/at my bedroom wall. (chapter 44) ~ *the matthew scene* You know the first time I read this I was in class and I was sobbing.  No matter how many times I read it, I die, can someone stop me from throwing myself out a window?  Please, it hurts. (Pg. 312) ~ *the matthew to ronan scene* Hahahaha haha ha *channels inner Neil Josten* I’m fine, totally fine, didn’t have my heart ripped out of my chest, NOPE (Pg. 316) ~ Chapter 56, I bow down to you, you’re amazing. ~ When Ronan said “my boyfriend” I screeched.  (Pg. 357) Ha..WERE GOING ON A TRIP TO OUR FAVOURITE MAGICAL FOREST, SOARING THROUGH DREAMS, IT’S GONNA BE FINE. (What am I doing?) ~ P A R S I F A L (pg. 364) ~ Declan “in case you don’t have internal organs” Lynch. (Pg. 371) Ouuu plot twist (Pg. 373) ~ Living for awkward Declan, you know? ~ Chainsaw and Opal, thank you for gracing me with your presence (Pg. 393) Give the girl some time Lynch, she’s scared (Chapter. 67) ~ (chapter 69) Sing it with me guys “Something good is happening, that can only mean we’re about to get our hearts broken! ay!”  THE PAINTINGS- Oh Declan, hun, you *hugs book* it’s okay, I’m sorry, I love you. ~ The dogs, yes Ronan, yess (pg. 428) ~

“Tamquam. It was marked unread.” -Pg. 458 

Ahahah, didn’t need my heart anyways ~ I reached the end and here I am again yelling at the book to give me answers and crying, it’s great to be alive. ~

Wow you’ve made it to the end (or you scrolled and scrolled and here you are, hello). Hope you enjoyed my rant and reread of this book, I’m a mess, I love this book so much. I loved The Raven Cycle as well and I can’t wait for the next book in this trilogy. Have a wonderful day and stay safe guys! *whisper hisses* MAY COME FASTER 

[imsofthelp]

Category: fluff

Warnings: none

Word count: 2,414

Summary: After a bad breakup, you find yourself in the embrace of your best friend and things escalate quickly after that. 

Your phone was ringing again. This would’ve been the tenth time in the last fifteen minutes. You chose to ignore it, not even checking who it was, because you were sure that it was your ex disturbing you at such an ungodly hour.

You opened your eyes, lids as heavy as bags full of rocks. Sunshine shone as bright as ever but even brighter than other days while the constant breeze was just perfect and kept it from getting too hot. Even the birds outside were chirping, reminding you that they existed at 5am. It seemed like the day was going to be perfect.

It took ten seconds, if not less, for that bubble to be blown. The sudden headache was terrible and your shirt was still wet from tears, meaning you fell asleep for half an hour at best, probably not even for that long.

A shiver ran up your spine - even on a warm morning like this one you needed a blanket to feel comfortable.

You almost gave in to the wish to stay in bed for a whole day, doing absolutely nothing except watching some stupid reality TV and gobbling down whole tub of ice cream. But you decided against that.

You were broken in every possible way after your breakup. You screamed, you doubted your decision, you got drunk and then cried some more.

You couldn’t let yourself be like that cliche heartbroken TV show character anymore. Four days in a row of crying enough to fill rivers and eating enough ice cream to last a whole decade. Today was the day you ended that self-loathing cycle.

Warmed by the sunlight which slipped into your bedroom through the big glass windows without any curtains, your feet touch the floor.

You tried to reassure yourself that everything was going to be fine but as soon as you stepped the first step, your feet landed on a dirty lid of ice cream tub. Cussing out loudly, you hopped to the bathroom like you were playing classes or hopscotch.

After discarding your ice cream and tear stained pyjamas into an already full laundry basket, you relaxed into the bath. Setting the water temperature just right instantly made you feel better.

Warm water released the tension from your muscles and left you feeling so relaxed. You lay there for what felt like hours until a different ringtone was coming from your bedroom.

With a towel around your naked form, you made your way to the phone being careful not to step on any more lids.

The phone vibrated in your hand, the screen flashing with the name “ALIEN QUEEN xoxo” and picture of your best friend smiling widely while showing peace signs with both hands.

Without hesitation, you picked up.

“You finally picked up!” screamed Mina and you had to move phone a few inches from your ear, afraid that it will make you deaf.

Mina definitely had no such thing as inside voice, “I was scared!”

Oh, so that was the person that was calling you. Well, you were dumb to except your ex to actually give a fuck about you.

Hearing the tone of her voice full of worry made guilt shoot up your body. You could bet your ass that there were like 20 missed calls from her.

Shifting your weight from one leg to another, you listened to her ranting and scolding you like a child. You paced a few steps forward and back. To this day you couldn’t figure out why you couldn’t just sit still while speaking on your phone. It was truly a mystery that science couldn’t explain.

“Are you even listening to me?” Mina asks after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry, I’m just...” you swallowed, breath hitching in your throat,

“My emotions are still all over the place” you explain, now observing your reflection in a dirty spoon you found on the table.

“You okay?” she asks with concern clear in her voice.

“I’ll be fine. Finally took a shower to not to look like a hot pile of trash anymore.”

Mina laughs and you feel a smile creeping up your face.

“Still hot, though,” she teases, “You wanna come to my place, watch a bunch of shitty movies and finally get over that asshole?” You can hear her smile and unintentionally smile wider yourself.

An answer leaves your lips way before you think through with it:

“Hell yeah!”

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

Neon red lights in Mina’s living room casted weird shadows on the bright pink walls, making you even more dizzy than you already were.

Loud music was blasting while you swung your hips and moved your free hand (the other one was busied by a champagne glass) to the rhythm as the lyrics were blurring in your mind.

In the neon red light Mina looked like death, or, more like, deathly stunning. From the way she danced so passionately to the music, how her free hand constantly buried itself in her soft pink hair and to the way that her sparkly mini-dress hugged her toned yet soft body.

Hell, you didn’t know if it was the alcohol messing with your head or the pain of broken heart that was begging to be healed by anyone. You really weren’t that against anyone being that hot.

Mina grinned, white pearly teeth hugged by plush, glossy lips. Her eyes were half-lidded as her hand reached out to you, as if she was trying to pull you into her with some invisible power.

You felt like a mortal about to be seduced by a goddess.

“Dance with me?”

Maybe it was her invisible power, because soon your hands were on her waist with her own resting on your neck. One hand was running up and down your back as you both struggled to spin to the rhythm of the fast song.

You leaned closer to her, laying your head on her shoulder. Her hot breath burned like fire against your skin, sending shivers up and down your body.

She smelled like vanilla and fancy perfume and you felt as if you had been spellbound, closing your eyes and letting the moment carry you away.

Songs changed but two of you stayed in the same position. It was only your hand constantly reaching to touch her hair and Mina giggling from time to time, whispering words that you couldn't quite catch.

This was probably very wrong. Not the dancing, no, you were best friends but the thoughts you were having about Mina were wrong. Blaming the alcohol for mixing up your thoughts and your mental state after the breakup, you closed your eyes. Letting the music carry you. Letting yourself have no thoughts even if it was just for a second.

“Hey,” you raised your head, Mina gently brushed a strand of hair out of your face. She paused for a moment as if she wanted to do something more with her half-lidded mascara smudged eyes. You couldn’t read her expression, “Want to watch a movie?”

You didn’t really want that, but you hoped that after sitting down for awhile you‘d feel better. Or at least get these inappropriate thoughts that were clouding everything out of your head.

The neon lights were turned off as if that the party was over, and Mina turned on some channel on her huge tv. You weren't surprised about pricy, fancy stuff around her place anymore as she assured you that 'Hero work pays.'

“What do you want to watch?" you asked, trying to find a comfortable position on her bright pink sofa, littered with what seemed like at least a hundred pillows.

Mina mindlessly flipped through the channels with apathetic look painted on her face.

Then, she stopped.

"Oh, 'There's Something About Mary' is on!" Mina turns to you with a smile as bright as always on her face, "Have you ever seen it?"

You nodded of course. It was one of those rom-coms that was on tv quite often that you liked. You found the story of a hopeless geek still pining after his high school crush, funny and it was a good laugh from time to time.

"Great, then let's watch it!"

You were about fifteen minutes into the movie when Mina began to wriggle closer to you.

"Mind me?" she asked, as she delicately laid her head on your lap.

You felt your breath hitch again in your throat, swallowing, to not let your voice waver.

"No, no," you stuttered out, "Not at all."

She flashed you one of those dazzling smiles and went back to watching the movie.

You tried not to be so tense, but it was as if your body didn't want to listen to your commands.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even realise the ending credits playing.

"You know, I really don't like that plot about many guys pinning after one girl," Mina began, mindessly playing with the hem of your shirt, "But there's one quote in there that is basically my life motto, 'Who needs him? I’ve got a vibrator!'" she said those words with such enthusiasm, that you couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah."

You could almost ignore her slender fingers flushed against your hot skin. God, was it always so hot in this room?

It was so silent for a moment. You could hear your own heartbeat ringing in your ears.

Then she leaned closer. It seemed that she wanted to tell you something, a secret that was so sacred, that only you were allowed to know. As if curiosity got the better of you, you leaned in, forgetting the quote 'curiosity killed the cat', and then realised hat you were fully ready to endure that secret, as one would endure the pleasure of cold ice cream on a cold summer day.

Lips danced plush against each other, teeth clacking at the raw, sudden contact. You cought Mina's eyes widening, as if she wasn't expecting your response to this kiss.

All you could taste was mint gum. The smell of vanilla was so close, too. Not close enough.

Pushed by blinding desire and alcohol, your hands cupped her soft face, one running down her soft cheeks, not believing the texture as silky as that could be of someone's face and another found its way to her hair, pulling her even closer.

Colors and hues of emotions danced inside you, blue for the color of her dress and the sadness of your own mixed thoughts, yellow for the lingering smell of vanilla and your worry and red for the passion and that dangerous neon hue. That was her — stunning and absolutely deathly.

The need of oxygen made you pull away, only for a moment to catch a few deep breaths. Then you were grabbing her face again, pulling her in, feeling her already bruised lips with her own.

Mina moaned into the kiss, and after hesitating for a moment but getting assurance by the sudden soft pull at her hair, she let her hand travel under your shirt.

You let her do that as your own hands were lingering on her defined waist, hugged by the midnight blue mini-dress.

A soft bite to her lip before pulling away and then before you realised it, it turned into a full make out session.

It was perfect at that moment — like a shot out of a movie but then the bubble you were in broke. And you fell.

Mina pulled away, not letting you lean in again as her hands finding their way to her sides, almost shamefully.

A questioning look painted your features. You were confused. It all felt so good, why did you have to stop?

"...This is wrong," she managed to speak out, pushing you away.

You felt something sting inside.

"I don't follow, what do you mean?"

Mina sighed, standing up. It seemed that she wanted to add more distance between the two of you.

"Have you ever dated a girl, Y/N?"

"...No."

"Well, I have. I dated too many straight girls, who were just experimenting for fun. Enough of them. Enough of tearing my own heart out,"

The volume of her voice gradually grew and her hands crossed against her chest.

"But, Mina-"

"You're drunk, Y/N," she answered, not looking at you, "It'll be best if you pick your stuff up and leave."

Your hands were clutched against your chest, heart beating as if it wanted to leave your body.

"Mina..."

You stepped closer and she stepped back, still not looking at you.

Tears stung your eyes, but you refused to let them fall.

"I always felt as if we were connected more than friends and then you started dating guy, after guy, after guy," Mina murmured, almost too quiet to hear, "And my high hopes were stomped. I realised there's no happy endings for girls who fall for straight girls, Y/N. No happy ending for girls like myself."

"It's not like that-"

Tears fell down her face when she finally looked up. Somehow, it hurt more than when she screamed at you.

"Go home, Y/N!"

"We can-"

"Go home, for fuck's sake! You're drunk, go home!"

Everything went fast after that when you let your clouded mind lead you back to your place, back to your bed. You didn't get any sleep that night.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

Ring. Ring. You bit your lip, praying that she would just pick up.

Ring. Ring.

Ring.

You sighed, moving the phone away from your ear, ready to press the red button until you heard a groggy voice.

"Y/N?"

You breathed.

"...Yeah."

You heard her sigh, as you felt your own body tense up.

"What do you want?"

You bit your lip harder, almost drawing blood.

"Come over," your voice almost broke, "Please."

"And then what?.. You want me to tell you that I fell for another straight girl, right into your face? Wanna make tell me that ‘We can still be friends after that make-out session?’ Wanna-"

You didn't let her finish.

"None of that. You'll see."

"Y/N."

"Come over. Would be a pity to ruin a surprise I have for you."

There was silence for a second too long and you wondered if she ended the call.

"...'Kay."

You said your goodbye and threw the phone on the couch. You hoped she liked red roses, chocolate cake and one nervous girl, who thought she was definitely straight, but fell for so strongly for a girl.

✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*✧˖*

A.n: Sorry for not posting anything in so long. Things have been pretty bad for me lately, but I hope you enjoyed this one-shot. Imma just dedicate it to the girl I have this stupid crush on ^^ 

As always, thanks @velvet-kissesss​ for editing and thank you all for reading!

[love-fireflysong]

Until Dawn’s Fifth Birthday

Welp, congrats Until Dawn, you’re officially old enough to start kindergarten. You’re off to learn to read, tie your shoes, recite yous ABC’s, and learn to count to 100. Your such a big kid now, and I’m proud of you for making it this far.

I know I have done literal jack shit for the entire month, but I have been immensely enjoying the things that everyone’s been putting out for this month. So I’m gonna make this text post, not just because of it’s the five year anniversary, but because it’s actually a post I’ve been wanting to make for a while.

So here it goes:

I first learned of Until Dawn when it first came out hilariously enough. My roommate at the time had boughten it for her ps4 and I had been seeing it all over my dashboard on tumblr at the time. I didn’t play it myself though until close to a year later, when I finally had my own ps4 and I bought the game used for like $20 or something from my local game rental store. And I was hooked.

I remember jumping the first time the UD logo pulls that jump scare on the title screen. And laughing because I’m normally pretty good with jump scares, but that one managed to get me because I hadn’t been expecting one before I even started the game. (The one thing in the game that manages to make me jump every time is the mine cart you stop as Mike. For whatever reason it doesn’t matter how dark my room is when I play the game or how many times I’ve played it, I can never see the mine cart until its literally on top of Mike and the QTE is almost up and I squeak in surprise every fucking time.)  

Of course I didn’t manage to save everyone during my first playthrough, I definitely lost Matt to the hook and Ash to the trapdoor (RIP darlings), and for the life of me I can’t recall how the lodge scene at the end went. I’m one of those players though that try to make choices that the characters I’m playing as would, I throw my feelings by the wayside. For example, being in the shed when the game’s making me choose Ash or Josh, and I was debating on whether or not Chris would save the girl he’s had a major crush on for a while at least, or his best friend for the last ten years. I distinctly remember wincing and sucking in air through my teeth and going “Sorry Ash, bros before hoes” and choosing Josh. And then being confused and convinced that I misunderstood the instructions? I mean I wasn’t complaining, just really, really confused. I definitely choose Ash to live at the gun one though, like there was no hesitation. I watched the whole ‘only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my time’ scene and talk and the moment control was given back to me, the gun was under Chris’s jaw and I fired.

I’m also one of the players that didn’t know that Josh had been behind everything until the reveal either. I had gotten Sam captured so I never got any of those clues and I managed to miss the other clues that hinted at it being a set up (like the bundle of newspapers). So until the reveal I was still convinced that someone was out there killing all of them. Listen, I like mystery games but I’m not very good at connecting the dots okay.

I think I stuck around for a couple of months, gorging myself of fanfiction (all ff.net stuff by the way, I can’t remember if I knew about ao3 at that point or not) but like all interests do with me, the obsession eventually faded (helped in a large part by the rampant Ashley hate going around at the time) and I moved on.

Until February of this year. I was trying to kill time till the end of March when Persona 5: Royal released and I decided to try and see how many games I could platinum until that point. I had made it through the ps3 tomb raider games, Prince of Persia 2008, and decided on replaying the Uncharted games because the ps4 collection didn’t have multiplayer trophies. I hadn’t even thought of replaying Until Dawn. I mean, I had looked at the case and I remembered the game fondly, but that was it. There was no urge or want. 

I was halfway through Among Thieves when I was bored and chilling time on Youtube. And because I had been watching a couple of videos for the treasure locations in Uncharted, one of the recommended videos for me was a game sins for the series. I decided sure why not, and watched it. And watched a few of his other ones as well, Until Dawn included.

That’s right, what got me back into the series wasn’t fond nostalgia for the characters or story. It was a fucking Game Sins video. I’m so sorry.

I was devouring UD content again. I spent like 2 or 3 weeks reading everything Chrashley (with the hyper-fixation for the game back came the ship, what can I say) based on ao3 that I could get my hands on. I was back into the tag on tumblr, going through art I remembered seeing way back when and looking at usernames that didn’t mean a thing then, but mean the world to me now. And then near the end of February, when the obsession was once again starting to flag, I decided to hell with it, and clicked on the The (Almost)s.

I’m not going to expunge all my praises for the story, everyone else has done that better then I ever could. But guys, it was so good. So so good. I was hooked back into the series once again, just as I was starting to flag. And when I saw that @queenofbaws had mentioned that she was tumblr... I didn’t do anything right away. Too scared really, figured she might find it creepy, so I didn’t do anything for like a week. And then I decided fuck it, sent a message about Chris giving Ash his sweater, and following her.

And that was it. I figured I would stick around to see the story completed and just dip. Not even make a splash, just enjoy the content from the sidelines and no one would know that I was here in the first place. Same old, same old. But that was also when I started turning around the kernel in my mind that Baby It’s Cold Outside (so hold me tight in your arms and don’t let go). I didn’t even intend to write it, it was just going to be the fanfic that lived in my mind for me to stew on before bed every night. But I couldn’t sleep one night, my brain was too on and the words just weren’t stopping, so I pulled out my computer and wrote the first part from Chris standing in the snow outside to him reaching the lodge at like 3 in the morning. 

I started becoming more involved in the fandom when queenie started her wip wednesdays and asked to be tagged. Hilariously enough, those days are what started me cross-stitching again too, I hadn’t touched the pattern in months at that point. So I started posting snippets of my writing, and that one day a week was the only thing pushing me to continue writing. By that point, I had stopped hanging around the edges, now trying to push myself closer into this little fandom circle. 

The day I posted the story, I was fucking terrified. It wasn’t my first story, not by a long shot, but I had always considered my writing to be shit. I thought I had good ideas, but I never felt that I was able to truly bring them to life. English and grammar had never been my best subject, I was always more of a math and physics person growing up. But then that first comment from @elliepollie came in and I almost burst into tears. I couldn’t believe that someone out there liked it so much, that they were willing to leave me a review in the first place. I’m still so blown away that she was willing to recommend it as a Chrashley story for other people to read. I think that was the point I stopped hesitantly pushing my way through, and I just kicked down the doors and just yelled ‘Hey fuckers! I’m here now and you are going to fucking deal with it!’.

That was the event that opened the floodgates for me. Suddenly I was talking to people, I had friends online with the same interests as me. I’ve written more in the last six months then I’ve done in the last ten years! I’m feeling inspired to create again. I actually went out to do the first commission I’ve ever requested (speaking of which, please please please go commisson @fudgeroach. I cannot wait until he can post and show you guys the stuff he drew for me. It was worth every fucking penny let me tell you.)

I’m going to be honest, Until Dawn isn’t my favourite game. Sure it has some of my fav lines (it had been years since I played the game, and the moment Jess started her rant outside the guest cabin I was screaming it along with her) and great characters, as horrible people as they all are, but it’s never been my favourite game and likely never will be. But Until Dawn has the best fandom I’ve ever been in and I’m so, so happy to have met and known every single person here. I seriously love every single person here so, so much. You all make my life better and I’m so happy to have all of you in it. Just to quote Chris because I can: “Every second I spend with you is all I ever wanted to do with my time.” This is how I feel. This is how I feel every goddamn day now.

So yeah, I got back into this fandom from a stupid Game Sins video. But by god if it wasn’t the best choice I’ve ever made.

(PS: for those wondering, I never did finish Uncharted 2. Maybe one day...) 

[ktheist]

story time: pretty girls don’t get hurt

this is where i rant, cry and scream about my fics. not all fics have a story time though! the ones that do just kind of have a special place in my heart ♥️

spoiler alert!

i. the title.

okay don’t laugh but i’ve been singing sia’s chandeliar as ‘pretty girls’ instead of ‘party girls’ for years. and i kind of liked how it sounded to that’s how the title comes to be lmaooo

but the story comes together eventually yk

pretty could mean a lot of things - the way one dresses, the way one carries themselves, the traditional pretty described for features. take your pick for the oc.

but given the plot and her position - she dresses nicely and carries herself with confidence (prettily).

but despite all of that, she’s been hurt before (the part where she got turned down by taehyung) and she was hurt still by the incident with sowon. it was both physical and mental because she ended up feeling guilty about taking sowon’s man.

ii. oc.

oc may or may not have appeared ooc. i purposefully made her have two sides: on one hand, when she’s with the people she can let her guard down, she’s playful - i’d say she’s a spoiled brat who grew up. on the other, she’s pretty serious because of the wall she built up around her - because pretty girls do get hurt! haha title ref.

if you noticed, oc’s a practical type. she was born from what queen bey said used to say or maybe she didn’t bc i saw this on twitter a long time ago but the gist is she only gives herself one day to feel sorry for herself when she's down, but in those 24 hours she allows herself to truly FEEL it, then she pushes past it because she can't sit and dwell for too long.

and the quote from miss nai labeautyologist : if it doesn’t feed you, don’t water it.

but basically, she’s very ambition-driven and there’s little she wouldn’t do to get what she wants.

iii. oc and taehyung.

they’re soulmates.

to be frank this dynamic is more interesting to me than the actual plot. i feel like it’d be interesting to write a heart wrenching angst about two people who were so perfect for each other - that they can’t be together. 

a little insight on taehyung: he’s always had commitment issues, so when oc had her career blooming and was at the top of the game and the only thing left that she doesn’t have is a family of her own, decided to tell taehyung about her feelings, the guy got scared that he’s going to fuck it up and ruin their friendship along with it.

since they’ve known each other for so long - the line between friends and lovers got blurred. they were doing things lovers would do (cuddling etc. not sex lmao) but they still thought it was normal even though the other was seeing someone else.

when oc realized that taehyung was the man she wanted to spend her entire life with, she sort of told him that like love confession + proposal right away. she’s practical and maybe lacking some sense lmaooo

but taehyung fled the country after rejected oc and she had to drag him back and give him a piece of her mind, basically told him not to be so dramatic and that she was fine if he didn’t like her back. they’re still friends.

that’s the thing though - taehyung loved oc back just as much and that’s when things got complicated.

or not really - they were living on a pretense of friendship but taehyung still chose oc over his many girlfriends. it was like nothing could come between the two. taehyung was content with that until oc decided to get married and he’s finally realizing things are changing - granted they couldn’t just stay in that grey area forever.

and now, their dynamic’s changed - they really can’t be together. so they’re gonna be each other’s pillar of strength. like family you get what i’m saying?

it’s bittersweet. i wish i could write something like that but as the main plot but i don’t think i’ll be able to do it justice. 

iii. oc and seokjin.

there’s not much going on here besides what was written. seokjin has a good eye for character - or more like, he’s grown up around people who want to use him for personal gain so he knows how to read people.

and oc was exactly the kind of person who approaches people because she needs something from them and she knows she have something they want.

what she didn’t expect was having her motives being found out with just one look. and that’s why they were great for each other.

oc’s playful side is foretold in the earlier scenes with taehyung so it’s not too ooc for her to be the way she is at the end of the fic. she finally lets her guard down.

i like her with seokjin better than with taehyung even though she and taehyung know everything about each other. what each other like. what the other hate. but it’s too intense and fragile especially with the other’s personalities. they kind of clash. oc is the kind of person that needs something to be said to her and taehyung is the kind of person that expects her to just get him.

but seokjin’s the type to know and not take it to heart when oc does something less sensitive / doesn’t know it’ll hurt him.

iv. fin.

i’m not sure if i like the way the story flows - it focuses more on them getting to know each other. i have doubts that the smut was even needed though - i’m a firm believer that smuts can make or break a fic. sometimes it’s not needed and feel forced. i don’t think it’s forced in this fic but i also don’t think it needs to focus on the actual intercourse lmao oh well. i shall improve in the future and have better judgement on whether to include it or not in the future.

until then. cara.

[slxyangel]

Long Dark Shadow (Steven Adler / Izzy Stradlin’ x Reader)

Summary: “Revenge is a really tricky fucker, but who cares at this point?” This is the second part of Shock Therapy.

Wordcount: 2.4k.

Warnings: Panic attack, a lot of angst, more angst and a little bit of angst in case there wasn’t enough.

A/N: Since this is a sequel to a story I already posted, here are the tags for the people who asked me to write this, you are the real MVPs and I genuinely appreciate u :))) izzzyjizzy wannabegonnie kairigoth youthgonewild imagines-xxx isahminski

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Masterlist: https://slxyangel.tumblr.com/post/189625800403/masterlist

The parking lot extended in front of your eyes, almost empty, almost infinite. The pavement was noticeably hot, you could feel it burning under your feet as if you were barefoot. It was mid July and, as expected, the sun showed no mercy. The air was steaming, it scalded, it hurt when you breathed it in. Your head  was spinning but you wouldn’t stop moving, you just couldn’t risk to. It’s funny how you hadn’t noticed any of that when you stepped out to the alley a while before, nothing other than typical summer heat and a slightly more pleasant sensation inside of the studio than outside. But now… oh shit, what had you done?

You reached the first car on your way, a red Volvo and you leaned on it to recover the breath you inexplicably lacked. Well, maybe not that inexplicably, there were probably reasons, only you couldn’t process them. You withdrew your hand as soon as you touched it. Fuck, it was fire. You took your damaged fingers to your mouth in an attempt to sooth them, but the gesture soon turned into a failed attempt to cover your mouth’s accelerated respiration and stopping yourself from having a panic attack. There, beside the red Volvo, you bent down and tried to catch your breath, as two pairs of steps neared you from behind.

Steven situated himself in front of you and squatted, but he kept the distance. He was trying to make you focus your eyes on his instead of letting them freely wander around, searching for life. He had had his fair share of these with you, and he knew better than to hug you, as much as he felt that would make everything better. You needed space, you needed air, and if he was right and the root of this whole thing was the one he had in mind, he was all but going to fix it with his closeness. Izzy, on the other hand was standing there, one step and a half away from you and the drummer, biting his nails, with the very unpleasant feeling that he had caused this. Besides, he was supposed to be the calm guy, the chill dude who could handle situations like these because he had been through many of them, but he was losing his shit. Seeing you there, with tears of powerlessness rolling down your cheeks and your hands unsuccessfully trying to cover them... he didn’t know where to fucking put himself, but he sure wasn’t going to leave you alone, so he stood there, as still as a corpse and with his chipped nails as the only outlet for his own anxiety.

After a couple of minutes, your breath slowed down and evened, and your hands were finally able to dry your cheeks without the danger of tears bathing them all over again. You felt like sitting on the floor, but you wouldn’t repeat that mistake, so you stood up, wrapping your arms around yourself and turning to face Izzy. So did Steven.

-          I’m so sorry – you mumbled, almost to yourself.

-          No, why? What? – the blond sounded hurried, the same way a person does when something is escaping from their hands and they needed to catch it but don’t know how to – Why? Don’t be sorry. Please, don’t be sorry.

-          I… I don’t know, Steven. I really don’t know.

-          It’s okay, you’re okay. Because you are okay, right? Are you okay? You’re breathing, you…

-          Yes, yes, I’m fine.

An honest smile peeked out of your lips. You always loved the way he had to make you feel cared about, he really was the sweetest boy on Earth. But still you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, that something was broken. I was like this dark certainty took over you, and what worried you the most wasn’t that mere fact; it was the sensation that it wasn’t necessarily negative. You wanted to fight against it, but deep down you didn’t. Your eyes flew to the guitarist’s as you were delving into this, and you found him looking at you with a familiar intensity, exactly the same one you were trying to swim against. You shook your head and looked at the floor. No. No, no, no.

-          What do you think? That I didn’t notice? – Steven’s voice sounded tired, as if it weighed ten thousand pounds.

-          What? – you stared at him, confused.

-          That – he gestured with his right hand --. This.

-          Dude… -- Izzy finally talked, with a calm that sounded so uneasy.

-          Dude, what? I’m not dumb. – his shoulders fell limp, matching the sound of his voice – Despite what everybody in here seems to think, I am not dumb. I have eyes, I see things, I realize things. Like the way you look at her as if she was the very axis of your world. Izzy, no offence, but you’re dead inside, and she sparks light in your eyes. At first…

-          Steven, please…

-          Let him finish – you interrupted Izzy.

-          Yes, let me finish  – the drummer looked at you with a gaze you weren’t able to identify –. At first, if I’m honest, I didn’t give it much of a thought. Okay, maybe I am dumb for that. But for God’s sake, you – and now he pointed in your direction – started looking back at him the same way. I see you two from the stall across the glass, sitting on the couch next to each other, you putting your legs over his, how you accept drags of his cigarettes when you don’t even like Marlboro, and how he blows his smoke in your face and you giggle at it…

-          Hey! That was only…

-          Now you let him finish. – Izzy cut you, sharp as a knife.

-          I thought “It’s okay, Steven, you’re being paranoid. She’s effusive, she’s like that” and I know you are and I swear to god I love that about you. But what am I supposed to do when I hear you – his eyes now accused his bandmate – tell Axl that you, I quote, think you fucking love her and that the guilt is consuming your soul? What guilt, man? WHAT FUCKING GUILT???

Tears escaped from his eyes with the same lack of permission words were spilling out of his mouth with, like a faucet he had opened by accident and he couldn’t close. Fuck, you should have known, you should have noticed the same way he did. You should have been more cautious. Not only about controlling your feelings for somebody else, because one can’t really put a lace around that, but about letting him fabricate the wrongest of ideas and chew on it until it was this rooted. After all this situation you didn’t know if he was your boyfriend anymore, but you couldn’t stand to see him suffering, not him, not like that, not because of that. Unlike during the rest of the conversation, you forgot that Izzy was there and that you were trying to be neutral, and you hugged Steven. You were surprised when his arms, although weakly, hugged you back.

-          Steven I… -- the guitarist spoke lowly, raggedly – I am so, so sorry. But not because of what you think… fuck. You are my fucking brother, I wouldn’t do that to you in a million years, I swear on my mother. You don’t believe me now. I see why you don’t believe me, but I need you to make the effort. Yes, the guilt consumed me and still consumes me because I am in love with your girlfriend. Fuck it. I can’t do anything about it. I want you to know I tried, I need you to know I tried. All the fucking time. I saw her with you and I saw her happy, because man, she loves you so much, it’s so obvious one can tell from fifteen miles away. And I caught myself having this sick feeling of envy and fucking rage in my guts because it was you and not me who she looked at like that. And I felt guilty because it was so fucking dark it was gonna eat me alive, and then it was gonna be the band and then it was gonna be us two, and I could see the precipice coming dangerously close and it scared the hell out of me. That’s when I talked to Axl, I needed advice. I never need advice, so imagine how lost I fucking was. But I swear to you that that’s all. Nothing happened between me and her, nothing, I need you to believe that, please.

What the hell was going on now? Your body and Steven’s were slightly more separated now than when Izzy started ranting, but you were still holding his hand. Again, you had been left with no words. You didn’t know what to say because you didn’t even know what you thought. Your feelings were a blur of guilt, love, sadness, frustration, longing and a million other unidentified things, and the way you heard the brunette talk about you and him and Steven hadn’t helped clear it out. All you were absolutely certain about was that you needed the drummer to know he wasn’t right, at least not entirely. You looked at him with again watery eyes and nodded, reassuring the part of Izzy’s discourse the other boy was surely most worried about. You wanted to talk, but you weren’t sure your voice wasn’t gonna crack in the process. You tried your best:

-        I promise. I promise you nothing ever happened between us two. Nothing but this kiss. Please, you have to believe me, Stevie… Steven. – you wanted to bring him closer to you by calling him that, but you were afraid it was only going to pull him further apart, like an attack to happier memories, so you backed down -- I want to be honest with you, as honest as I possibly can, because you deserve it. I’m so sorry I can’t tell you that you are entirely wrong and that I don’t have feelings for someone else, I wish I could do that, I mean it. But at this point I don’t even know what I feel. I am extremely confused. That’s why I panicked before and that’s also probably why I planned the whole thing in the first place. I don’t know, I want to believe that seeing you with the girl triggered things in me, things I didn’t know were there, and I pulled that up as a defense mechanism, and it turned out entirely wrong. I should have thought about it, I know that. The only thing I am certain of is the love I have for you, that was never arguable and will never be. And also I know that I need you to stop torturing yourself with the thought that maybe something happened between your best friend and your girlfriend, because there is absolutely nothing further from the truth.

You managed to fight the lump in your throat and finish your speech without starting to sob, though tears had been freely dancing all over your cheeks while you spoke. The man you were devoted to now looked at you with a new expression of a broken soul. His eyes didn’t look doubtful anymore, he wasn’t waiting for the brick wall of a certainty he had been chasing to crash him so hard he wouldn’t stand up again. No, he was saved from that. Instead, he was full of void. A huge emptiness that, despite how little he wanted it to, understood every word you had just said and tried to adapt the corners of his soul to this reality, new to him. He was plain and simply sad, yet saying that was an understatement.

-          Maybe it was my way of getting your attention? Maybe, I don’t know, I never thought of it like that, but now that I put together all of the things that had me doubting even myself... yeah, maybe it was. Wrong way? Most definitely, I have no excuse, and you have no idea how sorry I am and how much I wish I could take it back. But I can’t. I can’t undo what I did wrong and I unfortunately can’t redo what I clearly haven’t been capable of getting right the first time.

He let go of the hand you were still holding him with, and walked away. Pain shot through you like a poisoned arrow, and you wanted to run behind him and hold him so tight you could glue back all of the pieces you felt guilty of having shattered him into. But you couldn’t do that. It was his grief, it was his sorrow, it wasn’t yours to take and manipulate, even if you wanted to move it towards what you felt was a better direction and with the best of intentions. He had to heal at his own pace, and trying to make things better would only make things worse. So instead, you stood there, looking at the corner he had disappeared behind, with two big tears rolling down your cheeks and an excruciating pain in your throat you wish could cover the pain in your heart.

A long, dark shadow approached you with doubtful steps and hugged you from behind. It was Izzy. It was obviously Izzy. What were you going to do now? You sensed there were parts of you fighting each other, but you couldn’t tell them apart. A trembling, almost weepy sigh abandoned your lungs, not even a significant portion of what you were holding inside. But you were tired. You were infinitely tired of fighting an invisible enemy, so in the middle of the inner and outer storm, you let yourself do what felt the least bad. You turned around in his embrace, just enough to face him, and you pressed your front against his. Your arms surrounded his waist, below where his arms were holding you; and your face hid in his chest, distraught tears wetting his t-shirt. There were no words, there was no need for them, and it didn’t feel any better, but it didn’t feel any worse; that was all you could have asked for. Thinking about it, in case the pain in your throat couldn’t cover the one in your heart, it was comforting to know that a long dark shadow was there to try its best to fix it.

[sevngmin]

college!seungmin

ok so

my friend made a thread(im not able to link it as her account is private) of skz as students at my college

and then i saw another thread of skz as college students

so here i am

major: law

club: photography

used to shoot his pictures on his dslr in auto mode until he joined the photography club,,, which fellow member hyunjin scolded him for

let’s be honest,, seungmin is that one boy in your major that everyone has a crush on

(you’d better be lying if you said you never have had an eye candy/crush on him before)

he came to school once with his hair up and every girl in his class wanted to set the school on fire bc that’s not the content they signed up for

and has his hair up more often,,,

not in a bad way tho bc he takes pride in dressing up for school sometimes and when people praise him for it he gets a lil blushy and goes (*^▽^*) thankuuu!!!!

if you’re in a project group w him you’re in luck bc seungmin always is super nice to his teammates and offers to lunch over work

(and also has his hair up for presentations,,, double oof)

sPeaking about presentations there was once he was looking especially fine while presenting about criminal law

and people were sneakily snapping pics of him

poor boy got so blushy he stuttered so much :(

honestly too nice to mark people down for peer evaluation but when they’re blatantly not doing work he’d not hesitate to give them a zero

you’d wouldn’t want to see him angry too esp when he hardly gets mad

meanwhile, you on the other hand,,, not so much

you have had your fair share of shitty teammates and you couldn't take it anymore

like,, have you been too nice to people for them to tell you to “just chill” when you get mad???? for legitimate reasons???

you just don’t get it

anyway

you and seungmin are friends bc he was your classmate since freshman year

and is the only one who you are somewhat familiar with in this year’s class

tbh you never really saw seungmin as someone more bc you two are kinda close and after you know him he gets kinda dorky its cute

like yeeeeeaaaaa sometimes you inevitably have the teeny tiny crush on seungmin but its no biggie

you guys are like close?? but not rlly bc seungmin has his own group of friends and you have your own

you are close with hyunjin but that's only bc y’all are on the dance team and besides, he’s in another major

seungmin always sits beside you in classes people think you’re his gf or sumn

but the people in the same class knows y’all are not bc you were the only one who snorted(too loudly) when seungmin knocked his head on the table while falling asleep in a tutorial

all the girls wanted to murder your ass for it tbh

seungmin is kind of your therapist in a way in which he lunches with you often and listens to your rants

be it about the iced chocolate in the cafeteria being watered down too much or standing on the crowded morning bus

seungmin is always that listening ear no matter what

quote hyunjin; “you should start charging her for listening to her rant about the school’s budget for the tenth time this semester”

also you; “i should start charging you for constantly making me stay back to watch you go over that same routine and song over and over again after practice.”

touché

moving on

honestly you weren’t looking forward to this year’s class bc the people in class r rlly gossipy and known for talking shit about others

but i mean,, you’re in school to get that degree,,, and not deal w shitty people right

WRONG

when the tutor assigned groups for a group project you were thanking the high heavens that seungmin was in your team

and as the team leader

so that no free-riders go to your team

it’s the week of submissions and there’s this member that kept giving excuses for not doing her part in the group report

and hence you had to do it because her parts were closely linked to yours and without her parts, you couldn't start on yours

seungmin had to help out too bc he feels obligated to as the team leader

and also feels bad??? bc he knows how you’ve been dealing w shitty people and now its another one

you honestly just want better people tbh

so like you just really couldn’t take it and went up to her face during lesson and said,

“hey if you’re not doing work i’m asking seungmin to boot you out bc you’re not doing your work”

nd she had the audacity to say,

“i did my work???? wdym”

aka write her name on the cover page

(and even spelt it wrong smh)

you rolled your eyes and huffed,

“i’m telling seungmin to boot you out, find another team.”

she just laughs maniacally which scares you, until she regains her composure and goes

“what? has sucking seungmin’s dick gotten to your pea brain?”

(that was so crude im sorry)

and she said it so loud the rest of your classmates could hear and started murmuring amongst themselves

you were appalled at her words, speechless as you could feel your blood boiling

“i must be right huh,” she scoffs, turning her attention back to her phone, “sucking up to the pretty boy to get good grades, how low.”

you really wanted to slap the living life out of her

before you could do so, seungmin slammed his hand on the table, shocking everyone

“you’re the one to speak, who did nothing but to put her name on the cover page of the report, and to the point of spelling it wrong,” seungmin seethed, which made you honestly scared of him

he stood up with his laptop and cancelled her name in front of her eyes, then pushing you behind him, “as of now, you are not part of our group. if i ever hear you bothering any of my groupmates, i will not hesitate to report this to the course head. i hope i made myself clear enough.”

you could see the fear in everyone’s eyes, as it was the first time that they saw him genuinely get really really mad at someone

the girl ran out of class crying, as you slumped in your seat, mind still unable to wrap around how she was so rude to you, hands visibly shaking

“are you okay?” seungmin asked, eyes now dripped with worry, contrary to his anger-filled eyes just moments ago

“yeah, i guess.” you bit your lip, opening up your laptop, “thanks, for standing up for me.”

“a frown doesn’t look good on you,” seungmin commented, “just smile now, hmm? it’s all over, and you don’t have to deal with her again.”

you look over at seungmin, whose brown eyes were still staring at you

you gulped, crimson tinting your cheeks as you looked away and faked a smile,

“yeah yeah, thank you for saving me, prince seungmin.” you teased to hide the blush on your cheeks

and weirdly after this incident seungmin has been kinda protective over you???

like offering to drive you to school

eating lunch with you more often

offering to drive you back home

basically sticking to you the whole time in school

not that you were complaining, seungmin has even been more affectionate?? kinda

sending you good morning and goodnight texts

smiling more often around you and laughing at your lame jokes,,, when normally he would just stone at them

to the point when your friends started asking if you and seungmin were dating,,, bc he just stuck by you almost every breathing second you’re out of your house

you had to keep telling them no until one day,,,,,, you confronted seungmin

as soon as you got into seungmin’s car, you asked,

“why are you doing this?”

“doing what?” seungmin laughs, stopping at a red light

“this.” you deadpanned, “driving me to school, driving me back, being so close to me, everything. we’re not dating or in a relationship either, so why?”

seungmin turned to you, looks at you dead in the eye and presses a kiss to your forehead, which brings heat to your cheeks

“you’re awfully dense for a law student, aren’t you?” he smiles, diverting his attention back on the road, “if that didn’t make it obvious already, that i like you.”

“h-how can you say that so casually?” you stuttered, burying your cheeks in your hands, “that’s not sincere enough.”

seungmin stops at another red light, then presses a kiss to your lips, and you were pretty sure your cheeks were hot enough to cook eggs on them

“is that better?” seungmin bit his lip, obviously shy at what he just did skskskskskskks

and you do say yes

cute

when he tries to be smooth and all but his face just gives his inner emotions away

you turn up in school holding seungmin’s hands from then on

and all the girls cried for a week straight

[lesdemonium]

Okay so I know this is not your usual content but your tags about the end of frozen 2? I have been feeling frustrated about the cop out ending since I saw it and I really want the full version of that rant

oh my god anon bless you

Fair warning to anyone about to read this: I’m going spoilers-heavy into Frozen 2, which I feel should be obvious because I’m talking about the ending. It’s also extremely long. I put it under a cut to try to be mindful, but I also know Tumblr is a dumpster fire, so for that I am sorry.

Okay, so when I say that Frozen 2 had a cop-out ending, what I’m referring to is the complete and utter lack of consequences. The entire movie we’re building to Arendelle having growth and facing consequences for the actions of their colonization and attempt to strip the Northuldra of their resources. This build up includes Elsa sacrificing her life to “drown” in the River Ahtohallan in order to see the truth and, more importantly, show Anna the truth. This build up includes Olaf being another sacrifice that Elsa made, that also spurns Anna on to make the hard choice. The hard choice is destroying Arendelle in order to right the wrongs of her grandfather.

Only, none of that happens, and the build up is for nothing. Due to magical Deus Ex Machina (literally defined as “an unexpected power or event saving a seemingly hopeless situation, especially as a contrived plot device in a play or novel.” which could not be more apt here), Elsa wakes up, jumps on a magical water horse, and saves Arendelle at the last second. Then, for good measure, recreates Olaf and, because “water has memory,” Olaf is exactly the same Olaf he was before, rather than Olaf the third or whatever.

From a storytelling perspective, this is cheap. Elsa and Anna’s sacrifices meant nothing. At the end, everything was tied up with a neat little bow, even though it didn’t make sense narratively-speaking for that to happen. And I do get it, from a capitalistic perspective. Elsa and Olaf carry this movie for the vast majority of their audience (even though, let’s be real, Kristoff stole the show in this one, and who wasn’t a little [a lot] into Anna being the smartest person in the room?). They can’t just “kill off” Elsa and Olaf. When writing this I was even thinking “Oh, but it would be interesting if the third movie was about them trying to save Elsa” but, honestly, that wouldn’t be a very long third movie and these characters are too much of a cash-cow for them to end a movie without them.

But by not destroying Arendelle, despite leading up to that for literally the entire movie (I mean, they evacuated the town in the first, like, 15 min! Come on!), the ending just feels cheap. There are no consequences to any of the actions, which makes it feel like they weren’t even sacrifices. “Oh, but the character’s didn’t know that, Zoe!” Dramatic irony only gets you so far; it shouldn’t be the basis of your entire plot and ruin re-viewing. Elsa’s sacrifice didn’t matter. Something magical swooped in and saved the day at the last second, which means she didn’t actually have to give up anything except a few hours. As a viewer, how am I supposed to trust a movie series after this? It’s the same reason why, after a while, the Marvel movies started feeling cheap and pointless: if no one is ever actually dead, then why should I care when they die? Where is the emotional payoff? They’re just going to come back, and maybe not even act like it happened.

From a child development standpoint, this becomes even worse. Movies are an extremely good way to practice emotions for kiddos. In movies, kids can practice seeing, feeling, and expressing any number of emotions, which if you’ve ever tried to explain emotions to kids, is very difficult (thank you, Inside Out, you revolutionized child therapy). And certain movies are better for this than others. For example, basically anything by Don Bluth is amazing. Movies that deal with heavy concepts such as death, abandonment, loneliness, grief, etc etc etc, but then have a happy ending are amazing for young children to watch and practice those feelings before they have to experience them at all (or to deal with what they already have experienced).

What I particularly like about Don Bluth films? The most devastating moments, they aren’t fixed. Littlefoot’s mom doesn’t come back to life. Charlie’s watch stops saving Anna Marie. But in all of those movies, they find happiness and peace, and it shows kids that even if bad things happen, things will be okay. Okay just has to look different now. That doesn’t mean it stops hurting, but the bad things that happened won’t feel as big for your entire life. Life will continue on and you will find new happiness and love.

Hell, that’s something we, as adults, need to be reminded of every once in a while.

Frozen 2 didn’t do this. Instead of finding a cathartic ending, they just fixed everything. But where, in real life, is a magic woman going to freeze over a flood to stop your city from being destroyed? “But, Zoe, this movie has a talking snowman, no one is looking at it looking for realism.” Five year olds are. For five year olds, fiction and reality do blur. They don’t want to just be like Elsa and Anna, they want to actually be them. This is not to say that kids are stupid--if you know me at all, you know that I think kids are some of the most brilliant confused little beings there are. They do the best with the information and the knowledge of the world they have. They know that talking snowmen aren’t real, but with young enough kids, when you read “The Old Woman Who Swallowed the Fly,” you have to say something like “but not really” after every page so they don’t think she’ll actually die and become distressed part-way through the book. Literally. We read a Thanksgiving-version of this to preschoolers once and the teacher said “But not really” every time, so that the kids didn’t go home afraid of their Thanksgiving dinner because of a book they read at school.

It’s because of this difficulty with parsing fiction from reality that makes movies and other media so important for practicing emotions. For that hour and a half that they’re watching the movie, it is real, and parts of it will carry on into their everyday life (and I don’t just mean singing “Let It Go” for five hours straight, I mean little girls seeing a black woman in a wedding gown and thinking she’s literally the princess from one of their favorite books, and paying kindness forward with their joy).

So with that in mind, wouldn’t it have been more beneficial to show Arendelle being destroyed? And showing the fallout with that? And how this is really sad, and we’re all really scared, but thank goodness we have each other and everyone was already out of the city. Thank goodness we are able to rebuild and take this opportunity to right our past wrongs, bring back the people we lost, and replace all the material items that were destroyed, because we have the people that matter most to us. Things will always be different, but, to quote Olaf, “We’re calling this controlling what you can when things feel out of control.” Let’s focus on what we can control, so we feel less hopeless. That line made me think that Disney was actually going to go through with this. But instead, because everything was fixed in some unrealistic way, Olaf’s words feel just as cheap as Elsa’s “death.” There was no follow-through, there was no hope for the children who have survived a flood, who will survive a flood, or any other sort of disaster. I mean, hell, we’re in the middle of a global pandemic. As a child educator, I would have loved to be able to point at Frozen 2 and go “You know how Arendelle was destroyed and everyone was really sad and scared for the future? But it was okay, because they still had the people they loved around them? That’s what this quarantine is like. Things are going to be different, and that’s really scary, but we will be okay, just like Anna and Elsa and Olaf are.”

And, honestly, I didn’t hate the movie. I did hate Frozen 1, but I think this movie did have a lot of strengths. But the ending was not, at all, one of them. They were building up to a really cathartic ending, and instead they cheated their viewers. Not to get too nebulous, because this is a related but technically different discussion, but helicopter parents are detrimental to kids for the same reason. If we spend all of our time trying to condescend to children that everything is wonderful and perfect all the time, nothing bad happens, and negative emotions are bad, then we are creating is kids that do not trust us (because they know better) and are ill-prepared for when bad things do happen in their lives.