#i’m so grateful wow
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thanks for all the love on ‘young & in love’ it’s genuinely just mind blowing that something so short is being so well received 🤧
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just received my results this morning, and i am very happy to say that i officially have a master’s degree in medieval history !!!!!!
#i’ll be graduating in spring aaaahhh#i an very stunned and in awe and just grateful really#i know so many of you witnessed my journey from crying over fictional characters to writing fics#and to talking about doing my dissertation#i’m just so happy wow#personal#maria rambles
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Catherine Dubois on Montréal fans booing Abby Roque. At some point she joked and said they wouldn’t let her at the press conference again because she replied to a question asking about the playoffs with something like “if the guys (habs) can’t give the fans playoffs, at least we can.” ��
Link : https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6LrD_ermBF/?igsh=MnNzNXJoM3VuNHFm
#i’m so happy they post the press conference now wow it only took the whole season but I’m grateful#pwhl montreal#pwhl#pwhl mtl#woho#catherine dubois
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cooking dinner & slapping music while my twins dance & spin around in the home i got for us is filling me w so much gratitude & joy 🥲
#looking around like wow… my life was so different in january#thank you God i’m so grateful for it all
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Sometimes people are going to leave mean comments on your fics. It’s not a fun thing to experience. It’s not nice, it’s not funny. It hurts and I’m not afraid to admit that. But for every mean spirited comment there are ten good ones. For every person who tried to make me feel silly or stupid for my writing or my choices there were ten more leaving sweet messages and emojis and trying to pour positive energy into the world.
So it hurts. It hurts and it’s hard and it makes me feel like a failure on my worst days. But seeing all the positive things, the kind words, the excitement, the joy. That makes it better. That makes it something worth continuing.
So if you’ve ever thought your kind words don’t matter or that your heart emojis and exclamation points don’t make an impact please know that they do. Every heart and smiley face and keyboard smash and comment makes my world a little lighter.
#fandom stuff#the bad batch fanfiction#not everyone is going to like what I write and that’s totally fine#I’m just forever grateful that so many people are so kind#this world can be cruel but you aren’t#and I think that matters#this is really just about my overall experience writing and posting fic tbh#overall people have been kind there are people who haven’t been#your kindness outweighs the negativity in my opinion#wow I am REALLY WEEPY this morning huh?#something has come over me and I can’t stop 🫠
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watching the grand final performance and eating oddlygood dreamy piña colada is actually the best way to celebrate the anniversary of my obsession
#i’m getting a little emotional ngl#anniversaries always make me feel weird#like wow my life has changed so much since then#i had an amazing summer last year and i will always always connect it with käärijä’s music#although the person i spent majority of it with isn’t in my life anymore#i’ll cherish those memories forever#he was such a huge part of my life for the last year and yes i’m aware how crazy and parasocial this sounds#but i’ll be forever thankful for him#i went to fucking finland!! by myself!! because of him!!#and i had no idea what i was getting myself into even#it was supposed to be just a chill evening with friends but i got home at 6:30am with a new hyperfixation#forever grateful for what the past year has brought me 🫶 we’ve gone through so much#a year ago i wouldn’t have believed i’d subscribe to the onlyfans of a finnish rapper#no idea if anyone is even reading this but i feel like rambling right now#oversharing on tumblr dot com#käärijä#jere pöyhönen#i miss the eurovision era SO MUCH. truly the best time of my life
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#just realized I’m 9 months sober today…wow#so crazy to think I was once at 2 days#love the clarity that sobriety has given me#so grateful I’ve made it#personal
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um shes also my beloved mutual
WHY AM I JUST NOW SEEING THIS
#so sorry first of all#but i read like the first half of the article before they asked me to subscribe#and wow#someone made an entire article about the commonality of my name 😭 like i need a reminder#but THIS IS ALSO SO FUNNY#like yeah guys pls mention the very popular former one direction fan blogger named emily 😕😕#cause i am The Emily#also fun fact my name is SUPER common but i actually have never had to share a class with an emily or even had an emily in my graduating#class#which i am very grateful for!!#also i’m abt to send a pic to you that i took like a few weeks ago but forgot to show you#and something funny is that my mom HATES when i bring up how i don’t like having a basic name#which is valid#but she’s always like ugh you have no idea how hard it is to figure out what to name your child#and then says she got my name from a book …#and her goal was to name me and my sisters all names of Irish origin#(we don’t even know if we’re irish)#and she thought emily was but it’s literally not 😭#however my sister’s names both are so 👏👏 2/3 pretty solid#and they also have mildly unique names i’m totally not jealous#betsy boop#ask#love you sorry for missing this
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seeing so many incredible and actual legendary fandom writers/legends here and feeling so humbled and grateful but too shy to talk to anyone
me five seconds later realizing y’all are going to discover the truth that I’m Not Cool but instead a worm behind a desktop who writes way too many weird AU’s, writes & loves anime too and watches way too many sports
#this is like when so many big anime blogs followed me and I was like ‘I’m sorry I’m in love with Pedro pascal & write for him’#I’m sorry I’m a mess but hi howdy I’m actually still in awe of so many of yall??#you guys write actual epics and I’m like ‘scary hot cowboy monsters!’ but wow do I appreciate just being in the same space as yall#so many of you paved the way for little blogs like me and I truly am so grateful#Erika shut up tag
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filling out the patient health questionnaire before therapy and nodding sagely to myself as I merely mark things as “several days” and “more than half the days” instead of “nearly every day” and then being genuinely surprised when I submit the survey and it says I may be experiencing a high level of distress
#my perspective is fucked I think lads#turns out being super depressed is not normal actually#turns out ‘not suicidal’ is not equivalent to ‘everything is fine’ 🙃🙃🙃#it does feel very jarring though to be like ‘wow things are so much better this week’ and still get slapped with that YOU ARE SUFFERING note#like damn I forgot that only suffering Some of the time still counts as suffering#idk man everything sucks less and I’m grateful it’s better but god damn#ready for this shit to be over I think#couldn’t bring myself to tell my therapist that my main motivation rn for finishing my thesis is upholding a bargain with the radio demon lo#don’t look at me lmao I’m coping#‘naruto would want me to brush my teeth’ type behavior for real#listen if it works it works. and somehow. it is working.#still is like pulling teeth but at least I am making progress#idk. it will work out.#telling myself it will work out
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ok ok so you know how my life has majorly revolved around my pain since july & how that has been extremely difficult :) well lately I find myself getting up later than I want to & making my bed as badly as I possibly can & getting out of the house after noon when I planned to get out in the morning & walking to the library when it’s sunny & sitting there for hours & the whole time I’m most concerned with writing & that it’s incredible what I’m doing, it’s a little paradise
#you know how I hoped September would be kind to me well it delivered#I actually didn’t realize how mentally poorly I was doing until I got out of it !#like oooooof it’s like a chronic pain veil#& to be very honest it’s because I’m physically better so I cannot blame myself and I don’t lol bc there will be a time when that happens#<< again#I mean better loosely I just mean I haven’t had 8/10 pain every day for weeks LOLLL#but it’s really quiet and beautiful & im grateful !!! like yay I can still create !#I’m not thinking abt my pain 95% of the day now it’s probably about 40%? 50? so a lot but I’m literally not every single thought LOL#sometimes it’s even like 20! not even cuz anything is getting better bc it’s not but I will take it even if idk why!!!#(& by nothing is getting better I mean meaningfully better but I have been blessed with some good days lately which I had none#of all summer)#I say this bc every day I wake up and immediately think OH GOD MY PAIN which is so valid bc it’s awful in the morning getting up is like#falling into a black hole Lol but also while that thought is still there I also thought#wow I’m so excited to write today I’m so excited to see what Jeremiah does#HE IS THE NARRATOR OF HEALING#also like SOOO PRIVILEGED to be able to do this like I also wanted to say that!#anyway update for u since I know I have shared the Despair but none of the beauty yet lol#lots of love chronic illness/pain bbs <3
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good lord did anyone order a trauma summary
#wow#these lyrics are so hard hitting#don’t speak to me of choice#jesus christ#i’m so grateful to have met ari
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oh man, owning a body is way scarier than being in one while not owning it is
#wow it is so inconvenient to have a concept of autonomy that isn’t restricted#like it is better yes I get it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t an adjustment#I’m panicking less drastically with more time in between#but it’s still so hard to retain a grasp on the fullness of This Is Totally Only Your Body You Have The Ultimate Control Over It#because there’s just SO MUCH MORE that comes along WITH that and I have very little#processing power to sore as is#*spare#I don’t even know what a body is optimally supposed to be like how am I supposed to know how to make my way over to that?#and that’s all I have to say about that#shh katie#trauma recovery#and I just like. get to make every ultimate decision about it forever. like how close people can get or whether to do an activity or what#clothes I get to choose#and I get to say no to things and I get to defend myself if I want and I get to do fun scary new things in it if I want etc etc#and I love getting all these things! I love that it’s ‘I get’#but most of the time what I actually feel is ‘I HAVE’#I HAVE to decide each moment if I want someone to touch me I HAVE to decide if something feels good or not I HAVE to defend myself if I need#to be defended I HAVE to choose clothes with JUST me making my decisions I HAVE to change my body to be healthier I HAVE to etc etc#but then I feel ashamed and unworthy because I feel like I’m doing something wrong by acting or appearing ungrateful while#having such lucky amazing incredible way-more-than-I-could-have-imagined change in the past year#and so much to be grateful for beyond words#anyway there’s no lesson here it’s just a post it note saying where I’m at#I’ll move on from this to something else in a new stage as time passes#it’s chill#cult survivor#add to journal#cult escapee
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okay so clearly this has all been worth it because last night i had my usual appendicitis freak-out and 1. it was not all-consuming and i could think about other things and 2. i actually fell asleep afterwards
#rhyn rambles#me when the medication works as intended..#in all seriousness#i’m really grateful my friends and family are so supportive#evidently i did need this cause wow! is it helping
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what WAS the normal child response to learning abt climate change actually. bc I’m pretty sure ‘depressed for at least 6 months and becoming deeply fascinated by apocalypses for ~3 years’ was prooooobably not it but who am I to say
#did NOT realise how much this has shaped me actually#also am not exaggerating when I say depressed I. cannot remmeber a lot of it but my parents were Worried about me#anyway I joke abt how I’m a biologist now bc of pokemon and that is very true but this is probably a pretty big chunk too#it’s just wild like that happened when I was 11 and I was DEEEEEP in the apocalypse trenches until I was at least 14#I think I wrote my first longish story when I was? 13? about waking up after some massive chunk of time to a world with no people left#that concept rlly held onto me for some reason. just all the people suddenly disappearing#I’m saying all this like I’m not still rlly into apocalypse stories but it is a mere shadow of its former self#anyway I’m so grateful for the conservation module I took this year bc learning abt the state of everything + the way out of it#scientifically instead of piecemeal from the news and the shit I could read abt. has been rlly good for my everything honestly#didn’t properly sink in until two months ago I don’t think that year this is kiiinda what I would like to do with my life#bc I’d always been resistant to the idea of doing conservation or climate science or anything bc historically thinking abt it for too long#has been BAD for me and I didn’t think I could do that forever while keeping most of me#but now I’m at a point where like. okay very likely I’m gonna be an actual scientist. and while pure science is cool and worthwhile#and I still have feelings abt how there’s no funding or anything for studies without immediate practical applications#(THEY NORMALLY COME LATER AND EVEN IF THEY DONT ITS WORTH KNOWING EVERYTHING WE CAN KNOW SHUT UUUUPPP)#i do wanna do smth that’s gonna make a difference bc like I’m kinda in a position where that’s possible here#anyway my masters is gonna be ecology and hopefully with a microclimate focus which is cool as hell and will hopefully keep stuff open a bit#and I’m gonna try do as much as I can next year. there’s some very cool stuff happening I might be able to join#anyway wow this took a turn#climate crisis! woo!!#luke.txt
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Eeeeeeeeeee, hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!
#cluelesscc#personal ramblings#Literally so much has happened in the last 2 months!#I studied a bunch and passed all my certification exams.#With my new endorsement I then landed a like crazy amazing job that I never have even considered.#They only hire people with a lot of experience and an inside recommendation which I did NOT have!#so I literally have no idea how I even go it!!! Buuuut it’s like so so sooo much work.#I’m super overwhelmed but also feel like I can only be grateful because like wow they chose me.#Anyways hi!! I’m alive!! Love you!#<3333
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