#i’m pretty sure i’m worthless if i can't be of service

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

casually adds surface pressure to my “songs that are too relatable for comfort” playlist

[sxturn-to-mxrs]

lyrics to engrave on my grave

"And who’ll love me If I’m not the top of my school?"

"But if I hadn’t earned a dollar What would you think of your dear daughter? Would it be pity or dishonor To ensue? And if I failed to earn blue ribbon How could I ever be forgiven? Tell me what love would still be given From you"

"I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service"

"Give it to your sister and never wonder If the same pressure would've pulled you under Who am I if I don't have what it takes? No cracks, no breaks No mistakes, no pressure"

"Where's my fucking teenage dream? If someone tells me one more time "Enjoy your youth, " I'm gonna cry"

"All I did was try my best This the kind of thanks I get? Unrelentlessly upset They say these are the golden years But I wish I could disappear Ego crush is so severe God, it's brutal out here"

"I feel like no one wants me And I hate the way I'm perceived I only have two real friends And lately, I'm a nervous wreck 'Cause I love people I don't like And I hate every song I write And I'm not cool and I'm not smart"

"Smart sexy Lacy, I'm losing it lately I feel your compliments like bullets on skin"

"Lacy, oh, Lacy, it's like you're out to get me You poison every little thing that I do Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you"

"Cause I know her star sign, I know her blood type I've seen every movie she's been in and, oh god, she's beautiful"

"I say that I'm fine, I tell them all the time As they watch all the light fade away"

"Loved you at your worst But that didn't matter"

"A tale old as time, young love don't last for life"

"You said, "Distance brings fondness", but guess not with us The only mistake that we didn't make was run"

"But here, face to face, a stranger that I once knew"

"'Cause I could give you all you want, the stars and the sun But still, I'm not enough"

"Well, fight or flight, I'd rather die Than have to cry in front of you"

"It's not like the novels, no Pride and Prejudice at all"

"So I'll just take a footnote in your life And you could take my body"

"You taught me a lesson, that feelings are reckless It's just like the novels, side characters end up alone"

"Don't be scared, little child of that feeling You're in love You found heaven"

"Cause I swore necks were made for bruisin' I swore lips were made for lies And I thought if you'd ever leave me That I'd be the reason why"

"But I don't need that, I need a Maserati"

"When your heart aches and it's dead in the night Don't you worry for me, it's cool It's enough to survive, don't you worry, I want your Fainted love, that's enough, fainted love"

"Dance with me so we don't cry"

pt2 later haha

[greenandhazy]

I just saw this amazing 3zun Surface Pressure art by @littlesmartart and it occurs to me that Jin Guangyao could easily take over a good chunk of the Encanto soundtrack all on his own

1. The Family Madrigal Lanling Jin

Zixuan and Zixun One strong, one graceful, perfect in every way Zixuan grows a flower, the town goes wild He's a perfect golden child And Zixun's super strong The beauty and the brawn do no wrong

Bonus:

Audience: Guangyao, what about your gift??? Jin Guangyao: Well... Jin Guangshan: He doesn't have one Jin Guangyao: 🙃

2. Waiting on a Miracle (For My Dad To Not Be A Total Asshole)

Don't be upset or mad at all Don't feel regret or sad at all Hey I'm still finally part of the family Madrigal Lanling Jin And I'm fine, I am totally fine I will stand on the side as you shine I’m not fine, I’m not fine

3. Surface Pressure [copies + pastes the full text of the lyrics with the word "older" changed to "a bastard," then additionally tattoos the sentence "I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service" onto Jin Guangyao's forehead]

4. We Don't Talk About Bruno Meng Yao this is the one where Jin Zixuan comes home from the Gusu Lan lectures and is like "hey uh... remember that kid you almost killed on my birthday a while back? can we like... talk about that? because I think it's about to become plot-relevant" and everyone sings about how no they're not going to talk about that

5. What Else Can I Do? (feat. supportive shidi Xue Yang)

I just made something unexpected Something sharp, something new It's not symmetrical or perfect But it's beautiful and it's mine [it's a fierce corpse] What else can I do? [can I turn my dad into a corpse]

6. Dos Oruguitas hmmm. okay I guess this one doesn't really fit his storyline specifically but it could be a banger "trying to comfort Jiang Yanli at Jin Zixuan's funeral" song if we wanted to lean into that

7. All Of You nope this one doesn't happen. too much growth and remorse and forgiveness to apply to the Jin.

[immerlein]

i feel like i'm without so much by not being able to attend liturgy and other services. a sense of community, being able to make friends, encountering a potential suitor, the ability to volunteer, growing closer to god and learning all throughout. i'm stuck an hour away from the nearest parish, and i can't visit because i have to go to the protestant church that my parents attend. at 25 i feel pretty worthless, stuck and spinning my wheels while trying to make enough money to purchase my own home someday. i'm usually melancholic but the last stretch of time i had to go between going to an orthodox parish was 4 months, i'm not sure how long i'll have to wait this time. i can't even become a catechumen because of my irregular attendence. i feel a little hopeless, even though i probably shouldn't be, but all i have are my books and bible that i've been slowly reading

Hello dear friend,

Thank you for sharing your struggles ❤️ I definitely know how you feel; I’m unable to attend church due to where I live as well. It’s very hard! I’m a little surprised that the priest won’t allow you to become a catechumen though :(

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations outside of our control, and as hard as it is, all you can really do is leave it prayerfully in God’s hands. Keep doing your reading and prayers ❤️

Also, as frustrating as I’m sure it is, especially if they’re telling you that you have to attend their church??, there’s nothing wrong with living with your parents at 25. You’re on no one’s timeline but your own ❤️

Take care, I wish you all the best!

Maria

[immortalmint]

Comfort movies / shows

@childlikegoblinqueen, thanks for the tag! Original thread above (I can't bring myself to reblog chain that many layers - I'm long-winded enough on my own! :D)

My top "Movie" is a show episode... you're just gonna have to deal. "Comfort" is an odd looking category for me. Short list above the cut, spoilers below. The Owl House would swamp the whole list, so we'll just put that aside for now.

What If… Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands? (2021)

2. Labyrinth (1986)

3. Encanto (2021)

4. The Little Mermaid (1989)

5. Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

6. Spirited Away (2001)

7. Interview with the Vampire (1994)

What If… Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands? (2021) - A non-narcissistic version of Dr. Strange loses his love and turns himself into a Lovecraftian horror to break the rules of space time in a bid to save her. He ends up destroying his whole universe in the process, losing her anyway, and is trapped alone, immortal and inhuman. <3 this self-made monster with a soul. I watch this whenever I feel like I've really screwed things up (or just feel like I did). Cuz, at least I didn't end the universe, right?

2. Labyrinth (1986) - Or how I first realized I was going to grow up to be weird. Pretty sure David Bowie in sparkly makeup has that effect on people. (Thank you David Bowie, for being awesomely weird! One of those artists I wish was still with us.)

3. Encanto (2021) - All the psychological flaws of overachievers! Luisa my girl, I get you. "Under the surface, I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service." "Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks. No mistakes." Isabela, we're in different spheres, but oh did this resonate, "What could I do if I just knew it didn’t need to be perfect? It just needed to be? And they let me be?"

4. The Little Mermaid (1989) - All the songs are just sooo good in the original. Ursula is a fantastically drawn villain with one of the best songs! Ariel and King Triton's relationship is complex and beautifully accepting in the end, and it's the guy (prince Eric) getting pestered to marry! :D I also thought it was fantastic to see a character put away his obsession for some "dream girl" (when he throws his flute into the sea) to acknowledge he loves the curious, adventurous, and fun mute gal he's actually gotten to know. Then Ursula has to go and play dirty...

5. Little Shop of Horrors (1986) - Only non-cartoon musical I've actively liked. Seymour and Audrey are precious to me (no surprise I'm a fan of Huntlow, huh?). And that plant... wow that plant is the perfect example of why practical effects should still be used in film!

6. Spirited Away (2001) - The Studio Ghibli film I want to hug the most. Though I love them all so much.

7. Interview with the Vampire (1994) - Sometimes just not being human... I'll stop there.

Anyone and everyone, be tagged if you wanna? Movies are fun.

[totallynotpuri]

Listened to Surface Pressure and just

[thatadhdfeel]

hi. i'm sorry for dropping my shit here, i just don't really have anyone i can talk to about my mental state at any given time. i'm bipolar, and i knew i had entered a dep episode for about 2 weeks, but i've been hitting rock bottom pretty hard for at least 5 days now. i wanted to go to the psyc' ER the other day but the one person i asked to come with me couldn't. i've been trying to sedate myself with meds as much as possible but it when it begins to fade it just.. yeah. 1/

i don't know. i just needed to put it out there i guess. especially because i tend to try to hide it as much as possible. a few of my colleagues were absent this week because they were ill, and i'm scared to take a sick leave, because i already took two since the start of september. i already feel so useless &worthless at my job, i fear it might give them an excuse to get rid of me. and i'm scared to add to the stigma surrounding bipolarity. and i'm scared to get fired if my bosses find out. /2

and i can't really think at the moment either. my mind goes blank all the time, i have this massive fog inside my head. i can't stop the voices in my head when they say i'm a piece of garbage and i'm just so tired, mentally and physically. i'm just overall scared, i guess. i don't want to spend the rest of my life dealing with this fucked up brain of mine. i'm exhausted. anyway, sorry... i hope you're okay, have a nice day /3

i’m sorry it probably wasn’t the place either, i just saw a few post with bipolar tags so i assumed… i’m sorry… /4

hey! sorry i took so long to answer. first and foremost, you never have to apologize for an ask like this.

i’m bipolar (recently diagnosed - no diagnosis as one or two yet, but i’m way closer to two. my psych is more of a believer in the “bipolar spectrum” which i agree with.) i know this is an adhd blog but it’s totally okay that you reached out. i don’t mind at all. :)

unfortunately the stigma is very real and heavy. but honestly most people aren’t apt enough to realize someone is bipolar imo. even doctors sometimes don’t recognize it. a lot of people assume it’s unipolar depression. if i’ve learned anything in life it’s that many people, honestly, are paying more attention to themselves.

balancing mental health with a job can be extremely tricky and it’s very unfortunate that we have to. sadly we do live under capitalism, which is a huge stressor on mental health. but please put yourself first. if you have to make up an excuse, go for it. your life is more important. ( and if something happens and you need resumé help, i’m pretty good at them and will provide services for free, if you’re comfortable with that.)

i would also like to make sure - when you refer to sedating with meds, is this under a doctors supervision? i assume if you have meds you’re seeing one - apologies if this is wrong - but communicating with them is extremely important. perhaps an adjustment is needed. i am not a doctor, i want to emphasize that. i’ve just had similar experiences and found frequent adjustments to be necessary.

i’m sorry they couldn’t come to the ER. is there anyone else you can go with? if not - please try to go anyways if you feel like you need it. i know that’s way easier said than done. but the world is a better place with you in it. i know you don’t feel like that right now, but i promise it’s true.

bipolar solidarity, and i hope you feel better soon. ❤️

[inamindfarfaraway]

Surface Pressure (Isabela’s Version)

I changed the lyrics of “Surface Pressure” to fit Isabela in the pre-movie status quo, because I love her, this song, angst and character exploration. And I have too much time. I tried to convey a different tone and type of pressure to Luisa, oriented around the more nebulous idea of perfection rather than the practical responsibilities of strength. Like the original, it’s addressed to Mirabel, though not directly. This is more hearing her unspoken inner monologue. I imagine it’s in response to Mirabel noticing a slip in her facade and expressing worry for her. In fact, that it goes unspoken is an important facet of the tragedy of it for me; she does love her little sister and wants her to enjoy and appreciate her freedom from the glare of spotlight, the soul-smothering expectations and demands and duties that Isabela feels trapped at the behest of, but hiding her own pain and not seeing Mirabel’s for it enables Mirabel just keeps envying her in a self-perpetuating cycle of mutual resentment. Yet showing vulnerability and fallibility is so absolutely terrifying that at this point, she prefers being scoffed at and envied on a pedestal to her anxieties and desires and nuanced humanity being recognized - she’ll take Mirabel hating her false persona over knowing her authentic self because she thinks her authentic self is a moral failure that much. This is what the choruses are saying. When she says Mirabel doesn’t deserve the life Isabela has, she means it in a good way. It just never comes out like that. …I’ll stop rambling now.

I’m the model, I’m not nervous

I’m devotedly, totally perfect

I’m as giving as the earth is

And I glow ‘cause I know what my worth is

I don’t wonder if I’ve earned this

Got a smiling, beguiling surface

Orchids and carnations, with no aberrations

You want flor de mayo, for sure, here’s a mile, but

Under the surface

I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus

Under the surface

Isn’t your concern, as you’ve heard, you do not deserve this

Under the surface

I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service

A flaw or a crack

The straw in the stack

That breaks the camel’s back

What breaks the camel’s back?

It's pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop, whoa

Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip till you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh

Leave it to your sister, your sister's older

Never chance a glance over her cold shoulder

Who am I if I can't run with the ball?

If I fall to

Pressure like a grip, grip, grip and it won't let go, whoa

Pressure that’ll tick, tick, tick till it's ready to blow, whoa-oh-oh

Leave it to your sister, her life’s all roses

Never mind the hours practicing those poses

Who am I if I can't outgrow it all?

If I falter?

Under the surface

I hide my nerves and it worsens, what are gifts versus curses?

Under the surface

The roots burrow further, don’t swerve and I can’t reverse this

Under the surface

I think about my purpose, how long can I preserve this?

Line up the dominoes

A light wind blows

You try to stop it toppling

But on and on it goes

But wait

If I could shake the crushing weight

Of expectations, would that free some room up for joy?

Or relaxation? Or simple pleasure?

Instead we measure this growing pressure

Keep growing, keep going

'Cause all we know is

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop, woah

Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip till you just go pop, woah-oh-oh

Leave it to your sister, she knows her place

One stumble or stutter from utter disgrace

Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks

No mistakes, just

Pressure like a grip, grip, grip and it won't let go, woah

Pressure that’ll tick, tick, tick till it’s ready to blow, woah-oh-oh

Please believe your sister, go back to hating

As long as I stay silent I’m not suffocating

Who am I if I don't have what it takes?

No cracks, no breaks

No mistakes

No pressure

[bonesandthebees]

Have been listening to songs with Stars and Their Children Brainrot and now I’m thinking Stars!Wilbur fits “surface pressure” and “waiting in the wings”, especially early on.

"I'm the strong one, I'm not nervous"

"I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service"

oh man yeah these hit really close for stars!wilbur

OH MAN NOW THESE REALLY FIT STARS!WILBUR holy shit. "some of us are stars and some are just in the way" damn ok read him

[luna-redamancy]

Hiyaaa!! I hope you're having a good day and I love your blog and work ! <3

I was wondering if you could do legolas x older sister reader where the reader is the leader of the guards and legolas starts to realize that the reader is tense so he decided to ask what wrong and she says she fine but he kept pushing and the reader sings 'surface pressure' from encanto. You can choose ending as i'm not good at ending

Hello, my dear! I'm so glad you enjoy my blog and stories!

I chose to do it where the reader wasn't really singing to Legolas but more angrily ranting? I based the ending off of some stories I heard where some parents who heard the song realized how much they put on their children and began to do better for them- hope you enjoy it!

“Are you alright?” Legolas asked for the millionth time as you stood tense at the guard station. Being the leader of the guard of the Elven Greenwood wasn’t an easy task, but to put that alongside the duties of being a member of the royal family, Thranduil’s oldest child no less? He knew it was a lot to shoulder.

“-’m fine,” You murmured, going over another written report of the northern tip of the woodland realm.

“You disappoint me, (Y/n),” Your father’s words echoed in your ears, a particularly harsh meeting this morning had left you fumbling, feeling like you needed to prove yourself yet again to your father. It didn’t matter how many spiders nests you destroyed, how many diplomatic meetings went well, the pressure continued.

“No mistakes,” His icy gaze filled your thoughts as you shook your head.

“You seem nervous today, did something–”

“I’m not nervous. I’m as tough as the crust of the earth is, Legolas,” You teased your younger brother, straightening up to leave the room to survey the cells as he followed closely on your heels.

“Something happened with Ada, I know–”

“You know Legolas… Under the surface, I feel like a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus.”

Before he could reply, you continued.

“Under the surface? I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service to Ada.” You continued, your movements paused as you looked at the stone.

“It’s this constant pressure, pressure that never stops. It’s like a drip on a leak, eventually, the bucket will overflow. “

“Give it to your sister, your sister’s older, give her all the heavy things we can’t shoulder!” You recited your father’s words, tears springing in your eyes as you whipped to stare at him.

“Who am I, if I can’t carry all of this burden, Legolas?” You frowned, feeling a tear drip down your face, angrily wiping it away.

“I am under a crushing weight of expectation, no room for relaxations or simple pleasures, instead? I’m left measuring this growing pressure.”

“I buckle, and I bend, but I never break.” You murmured, shaking your head and turning back to continue up the stone steps. “No mistakes,” You recited as you left Legolas standing there, mouth open and concern flooding through him as you put your front of a cold-stoned guard back on.

“No pressure,” You laughed bitterly under your breath.

Thranduil sat in the shadows, his true thoughts hidden behind a calm demeanor but inside his mind was racing. All of the instances where he was harsh on you came to his mind, his eyes turning glassy as he realized just how much they impacted you and who you viewed yourself as.

“I must do better,” Thranduil spoke to himself, he had already lost your mother, and here he was ruining the bonds with the family that remained.

Tags:

Forever Tag-

Please note that if your tag is in Bold, Tumblr won’t let me tag you!

@lady-of-lies @all-things-fandomstuck @fizzyxcustard @izzydaelleth @aquaangel18@raindancer2004 @love-colorfulglittercollection @ladylouoflothlorien​ @ten-tenya-iida ​​ @legolaslovely​ @bthtallmadge2​ @abesottedlass @wilhelmyna @tigereyesf​ @aspookybunny @keijibum @moony-artnstuff @sirkekselord @guardianofrivendell @fluffymadamina @izbelross @fandomhoe101 @acahope311 @kitkatd7 @mooseetx @themerriweathermage @elvish-sky @bitter-sweet-farmgirl @laurfilijames @frequentlychangingfandoms @cameronsails @linasofia @starryeyedrogue @shethereadinghobbit @beenovel @onlystarshere

Legolas tag: @skylarkvip @iloveyou3000morgan @katiegoddessofmischief @queenofmankind @dark-angel-is-back @elvish-sky @iwenttomordor

[itsthemysterykids]

… Surface Pressure?

Wybie: Why would anything be wrong? I’m totally fine, we’re all fine, Wybie’s fine. I’m totally not nervous. *Eye twitch*

Dipper: Your eye’s doing the thing-

Wybie: I'm the mechanic,

I can handle it

I'll never stop till the problem’s fixed

Dipper: … Okay-

Wybie: I’ll move mountains,

I’ll move churches

I’ll do what I can for whoever asks it

Dipper: Of course, I mean- *Sees Waddles, Gompers, and the cat backing away* Hey, where are you going?

Wybie: I don't ask how hard the work is

Got a rough and unbreakable surface

Ask for Diamonds and platinum, to find them, to flatten them

I take what I'm handed, I do what's demanded

But under the surface, I feel deserted

As a tightrope walker in a three ring circus

Under the surface, was Hercules ever like, ‘Yo, I don't wanna fight Cerberus!’

Under the surface, I'm pretty sure I'm worthless

If I can't be of service

A flaw or a crack

A straw in the stack

That breaks the camel's back

What breaks the camel's back?

It's pressure,

Like a drip drip drip that will never stop

Whoooah

Pressure that'll tip tip tip you just go pop

Whooah oh

Give it to your friend, through it, he’ll soldier

Give him all the heavy things you can't shoulder

Who am I if I can't run with the ball?

If I fall to

The pressure like a drip drip drip and it won't let go?

Whoooah

Pressure like a tick tick tick till it's ready to blow?

Whoooah oh oh

Give it to your friend so he can conquer

See if he can hang on a little longer,

Who am I if I can't fix it all?

If I falter

Under the surface, I hide my nerves and it worsens

I worry that something is gonna hurt us

Under the surface, the bike doesn't swerve as it heard how big the damn ditch is

Under the surface, I think about my purpose

Can I somehow preserve this?

Line up the dominos

A light wind blows

You try to stop it tumbling

But on and on it goes

But wait,

if I could shake a crushing weight of expectations?

Would that free some room up for joy? Or relaxation? Or simple pleasure?

Instead, we measure this growing pressure

Keeps growing, keep going cause all we know is

Pressure like a drip drip drip that will never stop

Whoooah

Pressure like tip tip tip till you just go pop?

Whoooah oh oh

Give it to your friend, it doesn't hurt him

See if he can handle all your burdens

Watch as he buckles and bends but never breaks.

No mistakes.

Just pressure like a grip grip grip and it won't let go

Whoooah

Pressure like tick tick tick till it's ready to blow

Whoooah oh oh

Give it to your friend, and never wonder

If the same pressure would pull you under?

Who am I if I don't have what it takes?

No cracks, no breaks,

No mistakes,

No pressure.

[cutepastelstarsalior]

Because in surface pressure Luisa says “I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service“ I’m headcanoning that she has/developed chronic pain, and some minor fatigue from over using her gift.

Luisa probably spends so much time, days, months, years even, working and lifting and more. She gets lots of pain in her shoulders, hands and wrists, back, and calfs. Luisa knows she need to take a breaks and to relax and enjoy life but she has so so much internal ableism and anxiety it takes her like months to finally relax and not worry.

[awkward-snake-girl]

Surface Pressure

So…I’ve been listening to the Encanto soundtrack a lot lately, and it inspired me to write an angsty little song fic inspired by my Hulk Au and a thread I was doing with @getreadytosmash, enjoy!

She just needed to keep telling herself it didn’t matter how she felt anymore.

“I’m the strong one, I’m not nervous. I’m as tough as the crust of the earth is”

She couldn’t be nervous anymore. She couldn’t be sad. She couldn’t be scared. And she especially couldn’t be angry. Stay in control, control yourself, control your strength, control the mutation you already had little control over in the first place. Focus on protecting the town. Focus on making the others happy so things can feel normal again. Don’t think about being a monster now.

“I don’t ask how hard the work is. Got a rough indestructible surface. Diamonds and platinum, I find them I flatten ‘em, I take what I’m handed, I break what demanded”

She knew that’s what they thought of her now. After all, that’s what they called themselves and she…she was one of them now. She was sure it was most of the humans in town thought now too. Even if they wouldn’t admit it… She was an even bigger freak than before, and everyone could see it. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. If she could pretend to be happy, they’d be happy, and they wouldn’t see her as a monster anymore. She’d just be Mattie again.

“But under the surface I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three ring circus”

She would ignore the looks the humans gave her on the rare occasion she went into town. She would ignore the hushed conversations the smashers had when they thought she couldn’t hear them.

“Was Hercules ever like yo I don’t wanna fight Cerberus?”

Why couldn’t they understand that she was doing her best to control herself? For heaven’s sakes, she was hardly able to control her powers when she was just a normal mutant! They were lucky she hadn’t gone into her feral state yet in this form! It was bad enough before, but now it took so much of her energy to keep herself from slipping into it when she was angry. It’s a miracle it hasn’t happened yet…

“Under the surface, I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service”

Mattie closed her eyes and took a shaky breath before she continued to softly sing to herself.

“A flaw or crack, the straw in the stack, that breaks the camel’s back, what breaks the camel’s back?”

Some days it felt like she was cracking from the outside in and the smallest breeze would make her collapse in on herself. Or some days she felt like a dam about to burst.

“Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop, whoa”

But she couldn’t be sad without disappointing them.

“Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip 'till you just go pop, whoa”

Then there was Leader.

“Give it to your sister, your sister's stronger, see if she can hang on a little longer”

He’s been really…cold to her lately. She knew that he wasn’t the best with emotions, but this felt different than his usual awkwardness. He acted like he was constantly annoyed by her, and he’d say things…hurtful things that only confirmed that her emotions didn’t matter anymore. Maybe they never mattered…but she was still his sister, right?

“Who am I if I can't carry it all? If I falter”

She knew Hulk and Red fought about her, and it brought back so many terrible memories of her mother and father’s fights just before he left. They were about her too… She had to keep them together. She wouldn’t let herself ruin another family.

“Under the surface, I hide my nerves and it worsens, I worry something is gonna hurt us”

S.H.E.I.L.D. wanted to send over someone to give her psychological evaluation. Which meant they wanted to send over some judgmental human who’d think she was a crazy monster regardless of what she told him. Because that’s just how everyone saw her now. As an unstable, hideous monster who was going to hurt everyone around her…it was probably an accurate description.

“Under the surface, I think about my purpose, can I somehow preserve this?”

She just wanted everything to go back to how it was before. When the Smashers liked her being around. When Skaar thought she was pretty and delicate and she didn’t feel guilty about him getting stuck with someone so ugly and broken. When Jen and her could have fun together and talk without her snapping at her. When Red and Hulk were happy, and they were proud of her. When she could hang out with Rick without worrying about making him feel guilty. When she actually was happy and didn’t force herself to be that way…

She briefly stopped singing when she heard Sami calling for her. “Mattie, come into the lab. We need to talk.”

At this point she knew whenever whenever they said they needed to talk, it wasn’t going to be about anything good. When she reached the door to Leader’s lab, she did her best to ignore her growing sense of dread and plastered a smile onto her face.

“No cracks, no breaks, no mistakes, no pressure” Mattie sang under her breath as the door slid open.

[hitchell-mope]

Surface pressure by Mal

Mal: I’m the strong one,

I can’t be nervous

Gotta be tough as the crust of the earth is

(Kristoff opens his mouth then thinks better of it and closes it again)

Mal: I’ll move mountains,

I’ll move churches

And I’ll glow,

'cause I’ll know what my worth is

I can’t ask how hard the work is

Got a rough, indestructible surface

(She starts pacing back and forth getting more erratic)

Diamonds and platinum, I find 'em, I flatten 'em

I take what I'm handed, I break what's demanded, but

(She enters a fantasist state. One Evie is poking, prodding and jabbing her into an uncomfortable dress and another is putting really ugly jewellery on her)

Under the surface

I feel berserk as a tightrope walker in a three-ring circus

Under the surface

Was Hercules ever like, "Yo, I don't wanna fight Cerberus"?

(She tears off the dress, leaving only her motorcross outfit and starts wandering the halls of Auradon palace past tapestries of her family in increasingly worse situations)

Under the surface

I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service

(She’s alone in a dark room)

A flaw or a crack, the straw in the stack

That breaks the camel's back

What breaks the camel's back? It's

(She’s sword fighting a faceless Evie in time to the music)

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip, that'll never stop, whoa-oh

Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip 'til you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh-oh

Give it to your sister, your sister's older

Give her all the heavy things you can't shoulder

Who am I if I can't run with the ball?

(She’s hurtling down a very steep spiral staircase with no railing on one side)

If I fall to

Pressure like a grip, grip, grip, and it won't let go, whoa-oh

Pressure like a tick, tick, tick 'til it's ready to blow, whoa-oh-oh-oh

(She’s trying to pull a faceless Evie back up a cliff)

Give it to your sister, your sister's stronger

See if she can hang on a little longer

Who am I if I can't carry it all?

If I falter

(Evie slips from her grip and falls. Now Mal’s in a desecrated courtyard. Surrounded by burning corpses. Maleficent’s dragon form flies overhead)

Under the surface

I hide my nerves and it worsens,

I worry somethin' is gonna hurt us

Under the surface

The ship doesn't swerve as it heard how big the iceberg is

(She’s back in Auradon and holding the Cromwell Gift)

Under the surface

I think about my purpose, can I somehow preserve this?

Line up the dominoes, a light wind blows

You try to stop it tumblin', but on and on it goes

(She drops the Gift, falls through the air and lands in Ben’s arms. Both in their chosen wedding outfits, they start the traditional wedding dance)

But wait, if I could shake, the crushing weight

Of expectations, would that free some room up for joy

Or relaxation, or simple pleasure?

Instead, we measure this growing pressure

(The happy illusion crumbles to dust as the faceless Evie reappears)

Evie: pressure

Mal: Keeps growing

Evie: pressure

Mal: keep going

Evie: pressure

Mal: ‘cause all we know is

(She’s back in Evie’s workshop. Uncomfortable dress is back on. The sceptre and ember are being shoved into her right hand)

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that'll never stop, whoa-oh

(The Vorpal sword and the gift re shoved into her left hand)

Pressure that'll tip, tip, tip 'til you just go pop, whoa-oh-oh-oh

(She gets mad)

Give it to your sister,

(She breaks each artefact in quarters)

it doesn't hurt and

(She throws the artefacts away)

See if she can handle every family burden

(She starts tearing the dress off)

Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks

(She punches Evie in her faceless face)

No mistakes, just

(She starts beating Evie up)

Pressure like a grip, grip, grip, and it won't let go, whoa-oh

(She claws through Evie’s stomach)

Pressure like a tick, tick, tick 'til it's ready to blow, whoa-oh-oh-oh

(She push’s Evie against a wall. Evie’s face has returned)

Give it to your sister and never wonder

(She shoves Evie into the wall in time with the music)

If the same pressure would've pulled YOU under!

(She throws Evie out of the twelfth story window)

Who am I if I don't have what it takes?

(She lets herself fall backwards out of the same window)

No cracks,

No breaks

(She gets a manic grin on her face)

No mistakes!

No pressure!

[diorjadore]

i'm pretty sure i'm worthless if i can't be a service

WAIT WHAT? IDGI. But in all seriousness, you’re so worth it! I’m bad at comforting people but we’re all brought here to be something greater than our past selves. I hope you stick by longer to see it!

[ghostalope]

is there any adult you trust with whom you can talk about your situation? teacher, some kind of caretaker, neighbor, anyone? i'm sure you need professional help at the least but we as people from tumblr can't provide that in any way 😔

but i'm still gonna tell you that you aren't worthless, you are very loveable, you're super creative and strong and you did all you could do today! even if you slept and feel like you didn't do enough!! it was enough, you don't need to be hard on yourself :) i'm even proud of you for sleeping, you needed rest and your body and soul got some time to regenerate. sleeping is good!! you don't need to be doing things all the time, sometimes you gotta take it slow. and yeah sometimes it feels like defeat and it's hard as hell to convince yourself of your worth, but try to take my words in, try to push your thoughts towards something more positive!! you deserve to be loved and you can forgive all your mistakes and everyone can improve!!

(if that 'more positive' is just trying to convince yourself you're not worse than anyone, but on the same level, and that you're just human, then do that! reading articles about getting through tough times and fighting suicidal thoughts and gaining self-worth could also help. if you feel like you've got no one to turn to, turn to the internet!!! there's so much good advice and so many lovely people out there who've fought the same demons. or similar ones haha all of our struggles are unique)

anyway i'm so sorry about what you're going through and i hope it gets better soon 💗

Thank you so much!

Unfortunately I don’t have anyone else to go to. I’m non-verbal so I can’t talk with anyone, and unfortunately I don’t live an area where it’s safe for me to express myself. I dropped out of school when I was 13, so I don’t have anyone there. The only person I can talk to is my mum, but that’s strained at best, especially at the moment. She works very hard and I appreciate all she does to help me, but sometimes I feel like she relies more on giving me material items, not listening to me.

I see a therapist every six months but again, I’m non-verbal and it’s a very stressful environment for me. I’d like to be able to talk to him more, but my mum’s always in the therapy room with me. I’m pretty sure the mental health services are about to drop me anyway; they basically diagnosed me with autism and then stopped seeing me regularly.

I’m trying to be positive. I’m aware that my situation is extremely difficult and straining on my mental health, but I just have to try and remember that this isn’t permanent, and there will come a time where I’ll be able to have people around me who support and love me.

Even though my situation is difficult and I don’t have the same experiences as other people my age, I’ve come really far in the last few years and I just have to be proud of myself. I just have to remember that this is just a hard period of my life, and that there are many more periods to come.

I’m thankful to be on Tumblr and other social media, as even if people can’t support me physically or directly, it’s extremely comforting to have people there anyway.

I cannot express how appreciative I am of everyone who reaches out to me and offers support. It’s so amazing and kind and I’m so very thankful for all of you.

Thank you so much for this message! I hope you have a lovely day!

💕🌷🥰