#i’m only 21 and i’m already worried that i’ve wasted my 20s

[nothingweirdhere]

Hi, feel free to take my new uquiz to discover what kind of vampire you are!

[tadpolesonalgae]

Can’t Bring Myself To Hate You — Part 20

Azriel x Third-Oldest-Archeron-Sibling!Reader

a/n: I’ve been slumped over my computer like a living Fibonacci spiral—also, pretty sure I’ve proofread the first half of this but my memory isn’t that great so I’ll check in the morning (I should have been asleep about two and a half hours ago—I’m so sorry if there are errors)

word count: 7,869

-Part 19- -Part 21-

——————————————————————————————————————————————

It’s quiet. 

There’s nothing in your mind, and it’s quiet. 

No skittish thoughts, or fleeting worry. No frantic heartbeat to wake up to, nor an anxious tug of energy hurrying you along to get out of bed for fear of seeming lazy. It’s quiet. 

The sheets still smell faintly of gardenia, clinging to the delicate fibres relentlessly. How? Maybe it’s just lodged itself in your nose. 

There’s no sunlight this morning—it’s hard to tell the time. A slight outline presents itself on the edge of the mattress, beginning to slide down onto the floorboards. It’s watery and pale, hardly there. Is it warm? You can’t feel anything on your hands… 

You can’t feel anything on your hands. 

The curtains are open, and grey sky fills the window panes. Dark and deep. Probably not deep enough to signal a storm…it would be nice if it stormed though. It feels as though time has paused when it does. With rain so thick and heavy. The rain’s nice, sometimes. It waters things, and gives smells a new shade of depth. When it rains, you remember the shack. How the smell of damp was everywhere. In clothes, in hair, in sheets and furniture. 

These sheets are dry, though. Dry and warm, and keeping you wrapped up and comfy. Heat having sunk into your body, feeling so rarely soft anymore. 

A bell chimes in the far distance, metallic and sturdy. Counting to nine.

You’ve slept in. Wasted hours, already. Wasted, wasted, wasted, wasted away. Wasted away in bed. Throwing time out the window. Letting it slip between your fingers. Draining it out of sight, watching it gush far from your clutch while you sleep. Sleep all your time away. 

Wouldn’t that be nice. 

————

A bell chimes in the far distance, metallic and sturdy, clanging pain through your mind. 

Counting to eleven. 

There’s no point in getting up now. The good part of the day has gone. The early morning when it’s quiet and fresh, and sunlight weakly trickles across the horizon. Glittering upon the frost that’s begun to dust the morning cityscape. Heavy fog rolling off the Sidra, steaming in the early hours to smudge the nearby streets and houses in a dreamlike blur. Even if it bites, it’s a precious part of your morning, only occasionally daring to venture out into it. To walk the misty streets. It’s peaceful, and quiet. Not many folk are about at that time, most either beginning to wake up, or beginning to go to sleep. You have the streets mostly to yourself. 

Though with winter setting in, it’s getting dark. Darker in the mornings. Dreary and dismal, with rain softly spraying in the air as it floats down like powder. Only wet, and cold. Like walking through a fine mist, one that shimmers with iridescence if the sun catches it at the right time. Spiriting you away to another world entirely. Your Quiet Moments. 

The clock chimes a short succession of notes for quarter past. 

You sink into bed. 

Warm and welcoming. 

————

A bell chimes in the distance, metallic and sturdy. Three O’clock. 

It’s afternoon. 

Your head pounds when you open your lids, eyes straining with pressure, and they fall back closed. The light is grey—heavy grey—and cloudy. Droplets were on the outer winder pane.

Evergreen branches holding full pinecones. Damp and gleaming. Spiderwebs with dew drops jeweling them. Bugs crawling along the cracks of bark. Twigs snapping beneath human feet, the smell. Filling your lungs with fresh air, alone in the woods. The twigs might not snap any longer. The leaves might not rustle when you walk over them. Losing the weight of presence. 

The forest with the leaves of yellow, and red, and orange, sometimes capillaries of light green or brown shot through them. Silver bark that had eyes in it, branches growing out like nerves. The forest floor thick with earth, creatures scuttling about, water gathering in the small pools created by tree roots. Mushrooms growing from the underside of the forest floor, some a grey brown, others a chalky red with white drops speckling them. A few had been a murky green, with smaller fungi growing from the parent’s trunk. 

You should have taken it in more, gathered the details from real life instead of giving them form through the illustrations. If you ever get to go back, you’ll remember more. Pluck leaves from the forest floor and dry them out in a candle lit room, pressing them between the empty pages of a leather-bound book. Fungi have simple structures, and fae eyesight would surely lend you a hand—maybe you could manage an illustration of your own. They’re just shapes, after all. Then you could splash some watery colour over them, adding liquid to powdered pigment. Start a journal of some sorts. Of all the things you get to see. 

But you’d have to get out of bed to start, and it’s already three O’clock. 

You won’t be able to get anything done, now. You should wait until tomorrow. Then you can get up in the misty morning. Find an empty book somewhere. Feyre must have one. Could you borrow one? Wouldn’t that be fun? 

Fun. 

Anticipation filters through your blood. Something to do. Something to work on. Something to make. Something real, to keep. To remember things with. To look at when you forget. 

That would be nice. 

————

A bell chimes, ringing through your head. Six O’clock. 

Your mind is aching. Behind your eyes, between your brows. You’ve slept too long. 

Gods, you feel sick. 

You roll off your front, settling on your side, hugging the duvet closer. 

No—no. You’re definitely going to be sick. 

The duvet flies off you as bare feet slap across the tiles of the bathroom, making it to the latrine. You wait, knees pressing to the cool floor, arms shaking as you push your hair away. You don’t have to wait long, fortunately. 

It’s over quick enough. Over and done with. Relief settles through you—it’s over. Your mouth tastes awful, though, and you go to the sink to clean yourself up. Rid yourself of the flavour that’s stuck to your throat and tongue. It takes a while for that strange notch to go away—the one that’s always present after regurgitating, like there’s a lump of something lodged there that you have to swallow around. And each time it refreshes the flavour of your stomach. You grimace. 

At least it’s over, now. 

You hastily clean up the red droplets on the white porcelain. That’s new. 

You sigh heavily, exhaustion weighing on you. You and your now empty stomach. Whatever. You’re up now. Might as well stay up. No point in going back to bed. 

Thankfully your body is still sustaining its warmth from sleep, but it’s beginning to cool with so little maintaining it. Time to wash and dress, then. 

You stand at the wardrobe for what feels like an hour, trying to figure out what you’d like to wear. None of the colours are particularly appealing tonight. Maybe since it’s already evening you could get away with wearing something slightly cosier? Or why care at all—you’re going to cover it all up with a robe anyway. No one’s going to see what you’re wearing, you should go for comfort. 

But you still want to look nice. 

Your head hangs between your shoulders, eyes shutting briefly with exhaustion. At least you’re feeling relatively well-rested. There’s that. 

The missed appointment crosses your mind. Madja. Azriel. You were supposed to see both of them today. Did you sleep through both? And Bas. You were supposed to see Bas soon. Is it too late to go now? It’s too dark. And cold. Miserable. He probably won’t want you inside, either, so you’ll be on the doorstep for most of it, or maybe the entrance hall. 

It’s not happening. 

Is it too late to see Azriel? 

You don’t want to. Not so far into the evening. He’ll ask about the conversation with Nesta, and you’ll have to tell him, and you don’t want to. Your head falls again with fatigue. So much. So much to do. Should have done. You’re getting cold. At least the faelight is warm. Or looks warm. Yellow and orange on pale wallpaper. Your thoughts feel sluggish. 

With a sigh, you pull out a gown—grey as the skies—and shuffle yourself into it, pulling the strings taut so the fabric remains together without being tight. And pull a robe over it. Warm but polite. Put together enough. It doesn’t look like you’ve been asleep all day, then woken to throw up—that’s…enough. 

You go to your window, peeking out through the curtains, wondering if you’ll see any people in the street. At this time a few faelights might be lighting the street, two or three dimly shining a glow onto the cobbles, but for the most part the city is dark for the sake of the stars. It’s peaceful in a way, and makes you feel a little better about having wasted the light away. What good is the day in a city of Night, anyway? There’ll probably be an equal number of shops open at this time as there would at six in the morning. Maybe more, if you think about it. There’s some comfort. Maybe you can shift your schedule to fit the night. That way you won’t have the constant awareness of the day going by.

The sun is a pleasant accessory, but it shows the passage of time too obviously. It’s easy to tell when it’s early morning, when it’s midday, afternoon, evening. Maybe the night has the moon, and maybe the stars will eventually come to indicate time passing should you become well-acquainted enough with how they look, but you might be afforded some time to yourself, unaware of life draining away. Though that’s a very human outlook. 

Your brows furrow. 

Does the passage of time even bother immortals? Do they feel the need to hurry, and get things done? Having grown up without an end? What differences does it make, to live knowing you won’t die? 

————

There’s no one downstairs, and it’s quiet. 

Even straining your ears, you struggle to hear anyone—they must all be out. 

Maybe they’re having a meal at some evening restaurant. 

Maybe they’re having fun.

You tread over to the kitchen to make yourself some tea but find the room completely dark. The faelights are out, allowing only that faint grey light to filter through the— The curtains are closed. Huh. They must have left… Strange to draw the curtains though… On second thought, you don’t really feel like putting liquid in your stomach just yet. Maybe some plain bread would be nice. More digestible, too.

Taking your plated bread and butter with you, you head over to the living room, passing through the entrance hall with the stairs that lead up to the first floor, cutting through to the living room that also overlooks the front garden. You pause when you recognise Feyre’s shape on one of the sofas, a small, winged bundle propped up in her lap, cheek laying across her chest. 

“Feyre?” You murmur quietly, incase he’s sleeping. Deep, blue-grey eye lift heavily away from her baby, her palm stroking the crown of his head. Brows furrow over half-lidded eyes, “couldn’t sleep?” 

“No. I slept all through today, actually,” you reply, making to settle at the other end of the sofa, so you can balance your plate on the plush arm. “Do you know what happened with Madja? I don’t know what happened today—I guess I just really needed the extra sleep. I didn’t mean to sleep through it all.” 

Feyre’s brows furrow, her eyes squinting as she looks over to you. “It’s six in the morning. What are you talking about?”  

“It’s six in the evening,” you counter with equally furrowed brows. “I heard the bells go. At nine, eleven, three, and six.” 

“No, it’s definitely six in the morning,” she replies wearily, “everyone’s asleep, and the lights are off.” 

You blink, looking around. “It’s six in the morning?” She mumbles something that sounds like agreement. Pulls the blanket tighter around the both of them. Nuzzles at the top of Nyx’s head. “Did he wake up early?” You ask, trying to sound normal through the confusion that’s happening in your mind. Dreams can be so alarmingly powerful at times. 

“Mhmm. He’s probably missing his papa,” Feyre mumbles against his head, smiling faintly, pulling back to peer down at their baby, stroking his back tenderly beneath the blanket, habitually avoiding his still-developing wings. “Isn’t that right? Missing papa? He’ll be back today. He hates being away from you.” She kisses the crown of his head once. Twice. Brushes her nose against him, inhaling softly, still smiling despite the obvious fatigue and strain lining her features. There are half-circles beneath her eyes. Her skin taking on a slightly bluish tint in the corners of her eye-bags, shadow making them more pronounced than usual. 

“Rhys’ away?” You ask quietly, beginning to chew on your food. 

“Up in Illyria for the night.” She sighs, readjusting her hold on Nyx. You hum, not wanting to press her on it. You chew on more of the bread quietly, waiting to see how your stomach manages it. You can’t stop thinking about the strain in her features. 

“Is everything okay?” You whisper, glancing at her. “Are we…is it safe now?” 

“Rhys says there’s always a revolt brewing up in Illyria,” she mumbles without opening her eyes. “Says they’d love to stick a knife in his back one day. It’s the same with the Hewn City. A lot of strained ties after the war. We’re still dealing with the aftermath of it all.” 

“But no immediate looming threat?” You ask. Maybe the shadows are just making her fatigue more prominent that it actually is. Maybe you’re bothering her for no reason. 

You shouldn’t be asking her all these heavy questions right now. 

Her body stutters, and her lips have twisted down. A wet droplet shines on Nyx’s head.

“Feyre?” You whisper, shuffling closer. “Feyre, what’s wrong?” Her shoulders shudder under your arm, hand trying to soothe down her back. She sniffles, then tightens her hold on Nyx, hoping she won’t wake him. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Feyre whispers against his hair. Another tear drips down her cheek, and you settle a little closer to her side. “I’ve got no idea. There’s so much to do, and so much to learn… Rhys says he can manage it… I don’t have to take on any more, but I can’t leave it all up to him.” Another tear falls, and her brows squeeze together over tightly shut eyes, the interior of her lower lip clasped between her teeth. 

You don’t know what to say to comfort her, so settle for remaining beside her, arm wrapped over her shoulders. She’s trying to keep her eyes squeezed shut, her brows knitted together tight, nose still grazing Nyx’s sleeping head. You’re thankful he hasn’t woken up. 

“Elain said…” you fumble, unsure. “Mentioned you might like to do something for your birthday.” Feyre sniffles, but you can pick out enough movement that looks like a nod. “Have you…is there anything in particular you’ve thought of?” 

She shakes her head. “There might not be time.” 

You glance at her, heart sinking slightly, hand rubbing over her shoulder. “There’ll be time,” you whisper, not sure where the conviction comes from. “What would you like to do though, if time wasn’t an issue?” Feyre doesn’t respond, her throat working silently. Your tongue flicks out over your lips, “what about visiting the coast? There are a few islands in Night Court territory, we could explore a few?” 

Her body goes rigid, brows squeezing shut tighter if possible, shaking her head. Her fingers tremble, and Nyx’s face scrunches in his sleep. You worry he’s about to wake. 

“Okay, a definite no to that one,” you murmur, forcing some lightness into your voice. “What about…just a quiet day at home? We could…stay in? And talk amongst ourselves?” Her shoulders begin to relax, but she shakes her head. “I don’t want…I like it…love it here, but…” 

“Just not on your birthday?” She nods. You nod back. “Got it. Somewhere outside? Or away a bit?” She nods again, and your heart begins to steady. You’re getting somewhere with this. 

“Okay…then how about…” Oh dear. This is what you get for keeping to yourself for so long. What would she like? 

The silence is stretching…you need to hurry up…think of something to do…something she’ll like that isn’t boring and generic…“Painting?” 

She seems to pause for a moment, and an instinct that isn’t something human urges you forward. “We could take turns? So you aren’t always the one in the chair working? I don’t know how good they’d be, but we could try? I’m sure we could manage some basic patterns. How hard could circles be?” A quiet, wet laugh escapes her lips, and you hold back an obvious sigh. 

“Harder than you’d think,” she whispers, sniffing again, raising one hand to wipe her nose on her arm. “Well then how about we each take turns trying to paint things, and you can laugh at how disfigured our basic shapes are, hm? What about that?” 

Feyre nods her head gently. “I’d like that,” she whispers, “as long as I can keep them afterwards.” 

“I’m not sure you’ll have anything worth keeping,” you mutter, half-joking, “but if that’s what you want…”

“I do,” she replies firmly, making you glance down at her in slight surprise. But then you nod. “Okay… Let’s do that.” 

In the back of your mind, you consider broaching the subject of borrowing—acquiring—a sketchbook, or journal of sorts, but she looks so tired. She looks about ready to fall asleep. That’s probably why she kept the lights off, so the both of them might be able to settle back down.

Her eyes have fallen shut, nose and mouth resting atop his head, keeping him close to her bare skin beneath. He looks like he’s sleeping peacefully. His wings kick in his sleep, and your lips twitch. 

As quietly as you can you stand from the sofa, untangling yourself, making sure to be silent as you make back for your bedroom, pausing a few paces from the sofa to look back at them. Feyre seems so tired, so small, bundled up in the corner of the sofa with her baby. 

She looks like your little sister again, in a way. 

Your lips open, the first of three words sitting quietly on your tongue, but… 

You don’t want to risk waking them. You don’t need to say it. It would probably come out too loud, anyway. 

It would be strange to announce it out of nowhere. 

You don’t need to say it. 

————

You made the mistake of falling back asleep, and now your head hurts. 

You don’t want to open your eyes, for fear of what the clock might tell you. 

If you were given another chance to restart the day, and wasted it again, you might just throw yourself out the window. 

Your brows furrow in disagreement, disliking the flippant thought. Your eyes open on their own, glancing to the clock, not giving yourself the opportunity to doubt anything. It’s about nine o’clock. 

You can work with that. You can get up now, and the day is still ahead of you. It’s not wasted, and you haven’t missed anything. 

Glancing to your side table, you spot a half eaten piece of bread on a plate. Your brows furrow tighter, fingers rubbing at your forehead—what was the dream part? Did you actually see Feyre? It’s all so foggy first thing in the morning. 

The plate’s there, it has crumbs, and it has bread on it. 

You repeat those facts in your head, slowly but surely driving away the haze that’s settled over your mind. Reorganising those events and sectioning dream off from reality. 

A heavy sigh falls from your lips as you glance about your bedroom. You’re still dressed as you were, and you feel fine—no churning stomach, no tingling skin…you’re fine. Breathing is coming easy to you, and while you fail to completely feel the scratch of the sheets beneath your fingertips, there’s enough sense still left in the skin for you to pick up on its softness. 

It’s nine o’clock. 

You groan into your pillow, feeling restless. What can you do today? The weather’s still grey, soft sprays of rain floating down from the sky, misting the air, and you think you spot the faintest trace of condensation in the corners of the glass window panes. Maybe it won’t immediately cheer your spirits, but you can try going outside. Even if it means wandering aimlessly for an hour or so, it’s nice to sometimes look at things and recognise them. Maybe you’ll even end up wandering your way to Bas’ house, or Nesta’s—though you’re not sure you’re ready to see either of them again, with the grey of your heart. 

Pulling a sigh into your lungs, you push up from the bed, dragging yourself to the door to head down the hallway to Azriel. He’ll’ve had his conversation with Mor by now. Will have more questions to ask you. Clarifications to make. It’s tiring. 

You’re tired. 

————

As usual, you knock on his door, entering when he calls, keeping the shawl wrapped closely around your shoulders, remembering how cold he likes it. 

You quietly walk inside, socked-feet pitter-patting across the floorboards, gloved fingers pulling the shawl a little closer.

Hazel eyes flick over to you, sharp and observing. You’d like to hide from them, sometimes, for fear of what he’ll see. “Did you get a chance speak with her?” He inquires. Like I asked?

“It’s barely been a day.” You take the seat at his bedside, organising your skirts carefully so they won’t crumple or wrinkle while you’re sat. “But yes, we spoke.” 

“I’m glad.” He’s watching you, a curve to his under eyes, a small upward tilt to his lips. “How was it?”

Your shoulders roll in an uncommitted shrug. “It happened.” 

A beat passes, and he glances out the window, gazing at the grey sky. “Did you find it helpful?” 

“Not particularly.” 

Hazel eyes move over you, wrapping you in their sight. “Change won’t immediately occur. You should give it time.” 

“You said I just needed to try speaking with her once.” 

“It might be better—for you—if you tried again.” His hands are resting by his sides atop the sheets. Wings pressed to the pillows. “What did you speak about?” 

“You said I just needed to try speaking with her once.” 

“And did you? Have an honest conversation with her, about her experiences and your own?”

The pencil has been moved from where it was resting yesterday, now caught between the pages of the notebook. There’s a mug of tea on the tabletop too, completely cold and untouched, an empty plate by its side. A different book besides the cup, this one with crisp, pale edges. 

“Did you?” He reminds, drawing you out of arbitrary thought. 

There’s a full glass of water, too. It has a hexagonal base, with the six sides made into the shape of small arches, before expanding into a circular top to drink from. The light filters through it, pale and bright, distinctly liquid-like. His eyes are on you, lips set in a line, brows resting as they normally might on his expressionless face. His hair has a slight curl over his forehead. 

You love this male. With his blank eyes and blandly set mouth. With his uncaring attitude toward you, and easy disregard for things out of his control. You have to love him, even if you can’t feel it right now. It’s just a numb patch. 

Even if your heart isn’t beating the way it usually does, and you don’t feel as skittish as you usually do, it’s easy to pick out you feel differently for him that for anyone else. 

Have you ever felt this way over someone else? No, you don’t think so. What is it, though? Is there a reason? He used to make you smile a lot more. He used to make you feel a bit like yourself again. Or perhaps, who you could have been if there hadn’t been so many downfalls in your childhood. 

Oh. 

You don’t want to be here right now. That’s what’s going on. 

Where would you like to be? In your room? No. With Feyre, then? Maybe, but not particularly. With Elain? Nesta? No, and no. The walk was nice though, over to Nesta’s house. Maybe just walking somewhere, in the cold. Treading through frost, and streets that look as shut down as your mind. Noticing things is nice. Seeing plants you recognise, and other architecture features you’ve read about in real life. That’s nice. Maybe a walk is what you want. It feels right. 

How long has it been since you’ve seen Bas? Two days? Can you see him today? Do you want to? It’s a nice question to ask yourself, at least. Do I want to? Do you want to see Bas today? Yes, that would be nice. But would he still be upset with you? He might still be upset with you. Do you still want to see Bas today? Yes, that would be nice. Why? You miss the smell of his home, a lot. The smell of rosemary, and freshly tilled earth, you think. Something like that, anyway. The smell of the outdoors, even if you don’t like it that much. 

Do you not like the outdoors? You like the colours of the streets under frost. It gives everything a slightly glacial, pale purple look. And it all sparkles. Even in the cold. You can appreciate the niceness of it, now you’re distant from it. 

You’re a bit like the frost, Azriel.

Hazel eyes blink. “I am?” 

“Yes I did speak with her. It was a bit helpful, in a way, but I didn’t like how inorganic it was. I don’t like scheduling appointments for my vulnerability. I’d prefer for it to be more spontaneous, and my own choice.” The fabric of your skirts have managed to wrinkle themselves. You release the material from the tight curve of your fingers. “But I liked it being mutual.”

His wings rustle faintly against the pillows, cold air breezing through the room. A latch clicks faintly as the window shuts. 

“It sounds like you enjoyed it a little. Why not try it again?” 

Because you said once. You said once, and then I could speak with you. 

Never mind.

You stand from the seat, pulling up your gloves. You turn from his bed. It would be nice to lie in bed. Beneath the covers, in the warmth. Wrapped in heat, with bare skin feeling the hitch of the fabric, the weight of the duvet. But it would be nice to see Bas. To walk down the quiet streets, where you’re free to observe at your own leisure, and take things in at a pace that suits you. 

You wish conversations with him were simpler, but you find yourself often leaving them feeling lost. 

He calls after you, but his voice sounds so far away you think you might have imagined it. Your mind playing games with your reality in order to cope. Whether or not he truly did call after you, you won’t verify for fear of it being false and turning around to nothing. So you keep going. 

You wish you didn’t have to speak with him. Wish you didn’t have to see him. Wish you didn’t have to look at him and be reminded of how effortlessly he can pluck at your heartstrings, so often stringing out minor chords instead of the light and skipping arpeggios that used to make you beam. You wish you never told him how you felt. It would have all been so much better if you kept your mouth shut. If you’d just seen how obviously he was interested in her. It was a stupid decision to make—how could you have hoped for it to end in any other result? 

It would be better to shut him out. You’re tired of always being the one with her heart in her hand while he keeps his far away from sight, somewhere you’ll never find. 

Why does it always have to be you opening up, when he gives nothing in return? 

————

“And how are you feeling this morning?” Madja asks with a smile on her round face. 

You manage a half smile in return, fingers curling in the duvet to pull it further up, hugging your shawl closer. “Good, for the most part,” you answer honestly. Your throat rolls, fingers playing with the fabric of the duvet sheet, “and you?” 

“Good,” she answers, taking her seat at your side. “Tell me, did you come up with anything you found suiting?”

The smile slips away, head dipping. “No, I…I don’t think I’ve been thinking much over the past day.” 

“You don’t think you’ve been thinking much?” Madja laughs, “I’m afraid we don’t have a choice in whether we think or not. The mind will always be active, whether you’re awake or asleep, it simply depends on whether you recall the thoughts.” Your lips remain in an undisturbed line but your nostrils flare with amusement. “I actually had quite a strange sequence of dreams this morning,” you begin, checking her face for approval before continuing. “I dreamed that I spent the day in bed, and the time kept on passing beyond my control. When I woke up I thought it was six in the evening due to the bells, but it was morning.” 

“The mind can convince you of strange things,” Madja agrees. 

A beat passes, and you shift on the mattress. “Madja, I…I’ve been experiencing some things that I…” Your lips tug down in the corners. “…that I don’t think…” 

The healer nods, understanding your hesitance to complete the sentence. “Can you tell me what they are?” The breath doesn’t come easily to your lungs, but it’s inhaled nonetheless. “This morning, when I woke, I experienced nausea—as I sometimes do…” Madja sits attentively, listening. “I went straight to the washroom, and I…” You make a slow tumbling-spinning gesture with your hands. Madja nods. “Then I…I cleaned myself up, but there was—…there was blood. On the seat, I mean, and I could taste it.” 

Madja’s expression remains calm, showing no signs of repulsion nor alarm, so you swallow, forcing yourself to continue. “Do you…” You cut yourself off—it doesn’t matter whether or not she knows you went to Autumn—that part can be forgotten. “I had some unpleasant sweats maybe a fortnight  or so ago, and…” You struggle to get the words up, heart pounding as shame and embarrassment try to strangle your throat shut. “…I saw blood then, too. When I visited the—…the washroom. It wasn’t my cycle,” you add on the end. You can’t look at her. 

“Did you feel any pain leading up to either of those occasions?” She asks, keeping the rhythm of her words steady. You shake your head. “And have you noticed any blood while visiting the washroom since then?” 

Heat scalds your skin. “I try not to look. But I don’t think so.” In your periphery she nods, but solemn quiet settles. 

Then she reaches out and touches your hand. “Don’t be afraid,” she tells you, squeezing. “People are with you.” 

You nod, unknowing how else to respond to the strange set of words. Madja smiles, but there’s something withheld from it. She sighs, shaking it off. “Now, let’s get started with that checkup, shall we?” 

You don’t speak as much as you usually do while her magic seeks out those bunches of tissue, purging them from your body. You’re thankful for the peace, in a way. Needing some time to come back to life after the mood that had found you this morning. Madja’s as gentle as she always is, careful and tender in her touch as that tingly magic warms your skin, sending targeted bursts deeper. She sits back, laying your hands to rest, then seems to change her mind, touching them again. 

“There’s no easy way to say what I’m about to tell you.” The gentle heat of her magic tingles at the surface of your skin, setting into your carpals, between your knuckles. “How much do you know about Magic Development Theory?” 

“A little,” you answer, searching her face. “I know it isn’t well researched among High Fae, and lesser so amongst faeries…”

“But you know it touches on the development of magic in correlation with physical and mental progression?” You nod. Madja’s lips purse, squeezing your hand gently. “You and your sisters came into magic…in essence, unnaturally. Your bodies didn’t go through the preparations most born-fae experience naturally—that is, the gradual deepening of power. That phase is a crucial part of development, and can cause irreversible damage if something is caused to suppress it. Of course there are exceptions to this—I believe Morrigan was rather unfortunate in that respect as her magic awoke all at once, and the High Lord had a similar experience—but they are by no means normal circumstances. Even if the awakening of power was abrupt, their bodies were prepared for the sharp exhaustion it would cause, while it’s likely that you and your sisters were not afforded that preparation due to your circumstances.” 

“So my body is…you think it’s damaged from two years ago?” You ask, strangely relieved there might be an explanation, even if it might be unpleasant. Just to know what’s going on with your body, to have a reason for night sweats and fevers and nausea and blood. Dizziness and delusion. “Perhaps not from your initial Making, but you’ve told me you’ve had trouble with your magic—that it took these years to manifest?” 

You nod. 

“And that it’s caused you pain in the past? Along with those two experiences you told me?” 

Blood drains from your skin, but you nod again.

Madja strokes her thumb across your knuckles, pushing that comforting warmth into your skin. “Being unable to release your Cauldron-given magic likely means to give it relief, it was infused into your own body. Whatever the Cauldron gave you—that is likely the reason you experience the pain you do.”

“Because it’s inside of me?” The healer nods solemnly. “And it’s— You think it may be irreversible by this point?” 

Madja’s throat rolls. “It is.” 

You swallow thickly, turning your gaze from her, staring instead down at the speckled and flaky skin of your hands. The dry scaliness of your arms. 

You turn back to her, looking feverishly. “It doesn’t hurt as much anymore… Might that not be a sign it can heal?” 

Madja pauses, remaining steady. However she forms her reply…it will matter to you, how she answers. 

Her eyes slide shut, mouth falling to a calm line before she looks at you again. 

She hands you the full glass from your bedside.

“Will you let me try and show you a precious silver lining?” 

————

You can hear the rain from outside, pelting against the ink-black window panes. 

Night has fallen. 

You’ve decided you won’t yet attempt to digest your earlier appointment with Madja—that you’re magic will cause you pain until you die…to never be able to use it properly without that lacerating burn…to be well and truly useless after all… 

Face it tomorrow. 

And yet tears are rising again. 

If you just hadn’t been so scared of it. If you hadn’t subconsciously locked it up so thoroughly. It’s stupid to think that—you didn’t even have any choice in it. 

But if things had been different and you’d be bolder… If you could have been more like Feyre in the woods, or Nesta with her silver flames… If you weren’t so inherently afraid, on such a subconscious level. 

You could have lived and thrived. Explored whatever the Cauldron gave you. And now it’s forever cut off from you. 

You’ll never be able to save anyone with magic like this. 

It’ll never have meant anything. 

————

Three whisper-quiet knocks are landed to your bedroom door, and you pull your head up from the desk. 

You don’t rise from your seat. You don’t want to move. 

Nobody knows you’re awake. You’ll happily pretend you’re asleep. 

Seconds tick by, and you wait with a spiking heartbeat to hear whether they’ll knock again. You don’t know why, but you feel like it’s Feyre. Your little sister stood outside that door, hoping to be let in. After you’ve tried to shut them out for so long. Well, apart from Elain. 

Your lower lip wobbles, vision turning blurry. You’re in a rather regretful mood, apparently, un-helped by the rain outside. It would be nice if these moods didn’t plague your mind so frequently and intensely. If your mind would let you be happy. 

Something hot and wet drips down your face, and you wipe your cheek, blinking away the remaining wetness. 

You think back to this morning, when you nearly told her you loved her. 

You could have died without her in the woods. You probably all would have. You could have easily died in the Cauldron too—they didn’t know what they were doing. Could have died during the war, if they’d aimed the Cauldron to the camps instead of the skies. Life isn’t guaranteed…

The seat is pushed back from your haste, striding across the room and opening the door outwards, those three words trembling in your mouth. 

Marginally widened, dark hazel eyes peer down at you, having narrowly missed having a door flung into his face. You jolt with recognition, hurriedly drying your eyes. “You aren’t Feyre.”

He pauses, assessing your state before shaking his head. “I’m not.” 

You sniff, quickly pulling yourself together. Your brows pinch as you take in the tall Illyrian. “You aren’t… Are you allowed to be up an about?” 

“Technically, no.” 

“Then…?” You think back to this morning, and want to shrivel into the floor. Then Madja passes through your head. You swallow, standing straighter. “I…wasn’t okay to speak this morning,” you admit, remembering how you’d left before even answering any questions. Azriel dips his head, “I thought not.” 

Your stomach sinks. “Do you…are you wanting to speak now?” 

He blinks once. Shifts on his feet. “You weren’t at dinner this evening.” 

“Were you?” You ask in surprise. 

He nods. “You should try to eat. To help you recover.” He pauses, then adds. “It helps a lot. To eat a full meal, sometimes.” 

“I know. I just— I think I fell asleep again.” 

“You’ve been sleeping well?” 

You tilt your head from side to side. “I’ve been sleeping a lot? I couldn’t tell you whether it’s good though…” Azriel nods his head, and quiet begins to settle in the darkened hall. How late is it now? 

“You seemed in a low mood this morning.” He says after a few beats of silence. You swallow. “Yes…I think the recent weather might be just…you know…” 

He nods. “I know.” A few more beats pass. “You seem awake?” 

“…I don’t want this conversation, right now,” you say, averting your gaze. You’re far too tired, far too drained…but if he insists you’re not sure you’ll be able to turn him away, wanting more than ever his quiet company. 

In your periphery however, he shakes his head. “No, it’s not that.” He assures, then pauses. 

“I said you could speak with me, if you tried reaching out to Nesta.” You incline your head by a fraction to look at him, not skilled enough to mask your doubt. “You told me you didn’t like how inorganic it was.” 

You don’t know where he’s going with this, but you nod your head. You did say that. And it was true. 

Azriel nods his head. “Will you come with me?” 

————

The chill of midnight sets your teeth on edge, but the fleece keeps you warm as does the thick, woollen scarf you have wrapped around your neck and shoulders, and arguably the lower portion of your face. 

He’d flown you out quite a way from the River House—to a part of Velaris you don’t recognise—and yet seemed to have chosen to not go directly to his destination, leaving time for walking. Not that you mind of course, but you turn it absently over in your mind. 

The smell of rain is fresh on the cobbles, droplets of water dripping down the wrought iron of lanterns, weighing the lush green of long leaves until the droplets slip, relieving its end of the weight and catapulting back to its original height. Puddles accumulate in the narrow dips between the cracks in pavement, every colour made brighter, fresher by the gleam of rain. Vivifying colour and scent, life brimming at the surface, adding layers to smells. Walking past an alley, you see a small, speckled bird fluttering its feathers in one of those puddles, bathing itself in quick shivers, tiny eyes squeezing shut in pleasure before shuddering out a spray of dirtied water, now happy and clean. 

While lamps aren’t uncommon, most parts of Velaris are without light during the course of the night. Letting starlight spill over the paving, basking in the moon’s lonely glow, fae eyesight having no need for the aid of candles as humans would. Here, the night sky is bright and beautiful, scattered full of tiny, glittering specs, like millions of miniature sequins cast to the heavens. Some stars glow like gemstones, like diamonds—big and bold, and demanding attention away from the surrounding scatter; others are peaceful and codependent, relying on the smaller sparkle of others to build into a complexity created by a myriad of stars. 

Rainwater still trickles heavily, the splash of droplets echoing between buildings, small streams gathering as the water courses through the streets. You allow the droplets to fill your mind, their trickling splash, their content and syncopated rhythm keeping you listening, unable to predict the next pattern—how it’s an ever-changing, ever-evolving piece. 

Up ahead you can spot warm light spilling out onto the cobbles. It’s noticeably quieter in this part, and you wonder if it’s more residential. If he’s flown you far enough away from the shopping areas. 

“Up here,” he tells you, nodding to the warmly lit area. 

There are no doors, just some stout, rectangular, navy pieces of fabric hung from the threshold of the ceiling’s entrance, hanging in a single row like bunting. Upon each dark blue piece seems to be the side-shop’s logo, embroidered in pale white thread, kept within a neat circle. It’s startlingly small, compared to others you’ve seen, looking more akin to a bar in its layout—high-stools pushed close to a raised table, the kitchen immediately behind…and smelling delicious. 

Your stomach makes some interested noises. 

He had mentioned the destination was food-related, but you’d imagined something bigger, more closed off…not a walk-in, first-come-first-served sort of place. You suppose the thick layers make sense now, with how there are no temperature wards on the place; no indoor seating, seeing as the establishment doesn’t seem to have any doors. 

Teeth nip at the interior of your lip, glancing at what you can see of the interior—it looks pleasantly lit, two fae behind the raised table, with three others on the far end. There would be space for you to sit, without disturbing them… “I’m not sure I’ll be able to finish a meal…” 

He nods. “They have containers you can take food away in.” 

You glance back inside, chewing on your lip. Then you nod.

You hadn’t recognised anything on the menu, but Azriel seems to have visited before. A few times, by the friendly tone spoken between him and one of the cooks. A few minutes later a black, red, and gold, lacquerware bowl had been set in front of you, filled with more than a few things you haven’t so far had the chance to try. It seems to be comprised of a mouth-watering smelling broth, a selection of steamed veg, and half a well-boiled egg, it’s yolk still slightly runny, along with something string-looking. You’re presented with a pale white spoon, decorated with blue ink strokes that make up the petals of flowers and vines—to drink the broth with, you’d guess. 

“Smells good, doesn’t it?” Azriel nods to the bowl. “The taste is even better.” 

Hesitantly, you dip the different-looking spoon—almost more like a miniature ladle—into the broth, blowing on it gently, before raising the steaming liquid to your mouth, taking an experimental sip. It’s pleasantly spiced, the juices from the seasoned veg likely playing a part in the depth of flavour, and most importantly, it’s hot. “It’s good,” you murmur, smiling faintly as you finish the small ladle’s-worth, refilling it swiftly. It’s only once you’ve practically polished off the bowl, encountering a little difficulty with the utensils in your gloved fingers, that Azriel disturbs the peace that you hadn’t realised had settled. 

“You looked like you enjoyed that.” You nod, lightly drying your lips with the paper napkins, the logo of the walk-in this time printed in a warm red, matching the accent of the bowls. “I loved the broth.” The light catches in Azriel’s eyes, and he nods. “The broth is good.” 

You glance down at the lacquerware bowl, wondering if you might be able to get the last few drops of liquid from the circumference of the bottom if you tilt it and let it gather. You might have done so if you weren’t feeling pleasantly full for the first time in a while, no worries of nausea to be found in your body. Just warm satisfaction. 

A good meal for a shitty day. 

“It would be easy to have one of those picked up for a dinner,” Azriel mentions on the way back, after having paid. You’re walking at a dawdling pace, unrushed so you don’t get indigestion and spoil the heavenly state of your stomach. You hum, but your eyes feel heavy, despite having slept so much already. 

He doesn’t push it, allowing the comfortable quiet to settle, with raindrops still dripping in between buildings, splashing into puddles. You’re happy to let it remain quiet, your mind feeling pleasantly empty. No skittish thoughts, or fleeting worry. No anxious tug of energy telling you to hurry along in case you’re wasting time. 

There’s little in your mind, save for the warm spice of the broth, and it’s quiet. 

It’s peaceful. 

——————————————————————————————————————————————

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[xreaderbooks]

Paradise on Earth (20)

Chapter: 20. The Coastal Venture

Pair: JJ Maybank x Routledge! Reader

Summary: John B, Pope, JJ, Kiara, and You are on the way to help Sarah and retrieve the cross.

Warnings: language, violence, mentions of death and kidnapping

Word Count: 3.7k

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Chapter 19 | Series Masterlist | Navigation | Chapter 21

The heat in the torture chamber was going to make you stab somebody. You’ve never felt this suffocated before.

“Let’s address the elephant in the room,” John B announces and focuses his attention on you, “Y/n.”

“Are you fat shaming me, JB?”

He narrows his eyes at you, “You know what I mean.”

“Is this even an appropriate time to be talking about this?” You wonder aloud. He couldn’t seriously expect to get into this right now, you hadn’t even found a way to leave this hell hole without getting caught by the crew members and now, he wanted to talk about your controversial sex life.

“Uh, yeah, ‘cause if I have to keep thinking about what Sarah might be going through right now, I’m gonna go crazy.”

You brace yourself for the worst, “Oh God.”

He doesn’t say anything, he stays in his position on top of a stretch-wrapped box. “So?”

You glance to the side and back at him, “So, what?”

“We’re waiting,” He extends his arms outward to gesture to the crowded area of your friends. Kie took off her jacket and let out a breath, Pope was leaning his head against other containers listening.

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, I’ve already apologized. Not that that fixes anything or takes anything back.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Pope said. “What’s done is done, we have much bigger things to worry about but since we’re getting into it; I just wanna know what your thought process was-”

John B cut him off, “Or whatever the opposite of that is ‘cause you obviously weren’t thinking clearly.”

“Alright, you know what, no.” You got up from where you were sitting cross-legged on the bottom of the container. “I wasn’t thinking and at that moment I didn’t regret it because he cared about me, I’m not going to go into detail about how or what he made me believe about him ‘cause I obviously didn’t know him as well as I thought…”

“So he manipulated you?” Pope asked.

“No, not entirely,” You risked a quick glance at JJ whose gaze averted from your own. “He made me feel like he cared, I was hurt and felt neglected. I’ve always been a part of the Pogues but it always felt like I’m just John B’s sister to you guys like I’m only along for the ride. I don’t have much to offer the group, Rafe made me feel seen as ironic as that is.”

“That’s some bullshit, Y/n,” John B scoffed.

JJ steps forward, “John B.”

John B stares at JJ with pure annoyance, “I don’t see how you’re not losing your shit over this, you’re always going on about how she’s like a sister to you, this is some high-level offensive shit and you’re all chill?”

“She was right,” JJ shook his head. “This isn’t the time, alright? We gotta figure out how the hell we're gonna get out of this, you know these things lock from the outside? This is your  fault and now we’re trapped in this death cage!”

“JJ, you’re not helping,” Pope was breathless as he spoke. All you knew was that there was not enough oxygen coming in to be wasting our breath on arguing.

“You don’t have enough room to talk right now, Pope, you said you had a plan, but what happened to thinking ahead?”

“I find your lack of self-knowledge disturbing.”

JJ laughs sarcastically, “Last I checked, you literally shot an oil container with the gat, remember that?”

“Oh my God, Shut up!” Kie who was perched on the highest stacked container, stretched her foot slamming it between the two boys against the other box parallel to hers. “Shut up! Pull it together.”

She removes her foot with a roll of her eyes landing on yours and puffing out a breath, mouthing the word boys to you. 

~~~

“Hey Pope, how do you kill a snake?” JJ asks randomly.

You lost track of how long you’ve been in here, looking out of the metal panel of the vent/window, whatever it was. It had to be around noon.

“You go for the head,” Pope answers with exhaustion.

“Exactly, but the head in this instance, is the bridge. To take the bridge, we need maximum firepower and I happen to know that there’s an armory on this ship in case of pirate attacks.”

“Pirate attacks,” You mocked in a whisper. Kie gets up from her place on the ground and walks behind JJ, through the middle of the columns of boxes, nodding for you to follow.

“You lost me,” She said as she passes him.

“I’m talking knives,” He tells her.

You pat his arm as he continues his nonsensical planning, “Killing everybody here is not a plan.”

“You too?” He waves his hand dismissively, “Alright, we lost them. I’m serious, if we get to the armory, I’m talking AKs, pistols, knives, double barrels-”

“Are you okay?” Kie searches your face with sympathetic eyes. “John B shouldn’t have called you out like that.”

You shrugged, “Yeah, to be expected honestly. I’m more worried about how we're gonna get out of here, he can bitch at me later.”

You caught a glimpse of light shining on her face and follow the beam to where sunlight was peeking through, hidden behind a barrel of tubing. “Hold up,” You carry the heavy roll and place it on another one beside it.

“Guys,” Kie calls out to the boys who were now bickering loudly, “Guys!”

With a look, they come over to where you and Kie were determining whether or not you all could fit through another vent. It was bigger than the other one, you’d have to find a way to pop it out.

“What was that about a Swiss Army knife not coming in handy?” JJ pulls one out of his pocket and climbs on top of one of the rolls and begins to remove the screws. “Okay, we raid the armory, get weapons, roll back here, and plot the next move.”

That didn’t sound like a stable plan.

“The armory is on the third deck, aft, near the laundry room.” He instructs Pope and John B, “Let’s roll.”

“JJ, hold up.” Pope stops him before he can fully take out the vent, “I don’t think we should all go out there, it’s too risky.”

“Why?”

John B and Pope give each other an unspoken message, and your brother confesses, “I’m just gonna be honest, I think you should stay here.”

JJ had a puzzled look, “What?”

“I have Sarah that I’m gonna go after and Pope has the cross, also, if you go out there there’s a hundred percent possibility that you’re gonna do something stupid.”

“Okay, first of all, I think the correct terminology is ‘ballsy’, that is it,” He tries to debate but Pope pulls him down from his spot that was blocking the exit. “I’m a field player.”

John B shushes him, “If we go out there and we get in a bind, we need someone to look out for us. That’s what we need.”

That was the only way you figured he could convince JJ to stay behind with you and Kie, no doubt he felt a little betrayed by the boys.

“Okay, I get it, I get it.” He tunes out the rest of John B’s words, “I’ll be on ‘B team’.”

“I never said B team,” John B states.

Kie sputters motioning to you and herself, “Sorry, are you calling us ‘B team’?”

“Did ‘B team not just find our way out or am I totally tripping?” You say, looking between JJ and Kie.

Pope grasped JJ by the shoulders, “Just hang back and hold down the fort.”

“Great, looking forward to it,” JJ purses his lips. “You guys have fun, it’s your funeral, your game. I’ll be in here, on the bench.”

He backs away into the area the five of you were once suffering in, Kie grabs both Pope and John B and gives them, her last words of wisdom before sending them on their way. John B didn’t so much as give you a last glance before climbing out of the small window.

~~~

The lack of flowing oxygen in the container was concerning, you grew up with struggling winters and no electricity during hot summers but this felt like hell. Especially now with the conversation that you were witnessing.

JJ began to express his dream of traveling the world with the riches you were in the process of acquiring and surfing every coast he comes across.

“When all this is over, and we’re just rolling in the dough.” He speaks with half-lidded eyes, sweat beads down his neck with his head leaning against a netted crate. “I’m gonna get a new board, deck it out, and I’m gonna go on a surf trip. I don’t know where, but the world’s calling.”

You felt so faint and fatigued from the heat, yet the thought of JJ being excited about a future when all his life he’d been told he wouldn’t have one, made your heart warm.

“Name a place,” He tells Kie.

She rolls her head in thought, “Spain.”

“Then after Spain, South America, or South Africa.”

You raise a brow, “You’ll go to South Africa?”

“One of the South places,” He shrugs. “Then Micronesia maybe, and then… and just ride. Wherever the wave takes you, you know?”

“So that’s the plan if we were to get a ton of cash, that’s the dream. Surf trip?”

You watch Kiara as she asks and that’s when you notice, the hope in her heart that’s shining through her eyes, the soft smile as JJ describes the end goal of this adventure. JJ resembles the freedom and lifestyle she craves to escape the Kook life her parents have for her.

“Ripping jungle break all day long, bamboo hit, cooking a fish on the fire, and after that, you go back out and just hit the waves again. That’s the dream.”

Then, at the same time after listening to the blissful life of adventure, you and Kie respond at the same time. “Sounds perfect.”

Your and Kie’s eyes meet at your matching answers, the nonverbal confirmation that you both wanted it. You both wanted the dream and you wanted it with JJ.

Kie recovered faster than you did, “Got room for one more?”

JJ chuckles casually and taps your knee that bumps into your other one from the way you were sitting. The little tap gave you hope.

“You got your passport?” He sideglances you before asking her.

She grins, “You don’t have a passport.”

“Hell no, I don’t have a passport, that’s the Kookiest thing ever.” They laugh in sync, and your hope is gone.

Thankfully you hear a whistle come from outside the vent and you immediately jump up to open it, passing it to Kie who was right behind you. Pope climbs through, then John B, you were about to cover the hole when Pope stops you.

A girl wearing a workers cap pops up from the other side, “Jesus Christ! I kill you, John B!” she threatens your brother with a thick West Indies accent.

“Who is this?” Kie begins to panic.

“Just relax, okay?” He tries to ease her mind, “I told you I had a surprise. Remember I told you about the girl we met in the Bahamas that saved us?”

You took in the appearance of the girl standing above you and tried to match her face to the name your brother told you, “This is Cleo?”

“She’s gonna help us,” John B said more to Kie than to you. You wondered what it was gonna take to get John B to forgive you.

“Next time, ask me,” Cleo retorted.

John B and Pope updated you all on what happened when they left the container, the only thing they succeeded in doing was getting the crew's attention, getting Cleo on your side, and not grabbing any weapons on their way back.

“This is why I should have gone with you,” JJ emphasized. For once, you would’ve agreed with him, if only so that you didn’t have to sit through Kiara fawning over JJ.

“Let me get this straight,” Cleo cuts in. “You five, with no weapons, decided you were gonna hijack this tramp steamer on your own? Do you have any idea who these people are?”

She stares you all down like a mother scolding you for touching a hot stove, “Eberhimi, if he catches you, he’s gonna kill you. Dead. Cut off your fingers.”

“What about waiting until we get to port?” Kie suggests. “At least then, if something goes wrong we have a place to run.”

You shake your head, “We can’t wait, by now they already know we're here.”

“I’ve run this scenario over a thousand times in my head, our best chances are on this ship.” Pope adds, “There are fifteen crew members and six of us, three-to-one odds, that’s the best it’ll get. If we wait till we get there, they’ll trap us.”

“We have no chance,” Kie protests.

“There’s something else,” John B spoke, and by the look on his face- it had to be bad news. Your stomach sunk, and your mind immediately went to Sarah, Was she hurt? Dead? “Ward’s alive.”

The worst thing he could have said, your father's killer was alive, the peace you thought you had when he was dead was ripped away from you once again. There was no winning against him.

“He’s alive, and he’s on this boat. It was all a setup, blowing up the boat, the confession to Shoupe. Think about it, that was to clear Rafe’s name.” John B glances at you, “And he does what? Goes to the Druthers, and what’s on the Druthers?”

“Scuba,” You exhale your answer, your back hitting a corner of a box.

“Ward’s alive, he’s got the gold and the cross.” JJ’s boots slam down on the metal as he climbs off the crates he was hanging on to. “And Sarah.”

“Thanks for rubbing that in,” Kie looks up to the ceiling.

“He’s just gonna get away with everything again, huh?” JJ shakes his head in denial, “Not happening. We’re not watching this movie again, right, Pope? You said we need the win, and with her,” He points to Cleo. “We’re going to the bridge and we’re gonna take it right now.”

“Let’s do it,” John B nods.

“I’m with you, and I wanna be the one to take that bridge,” Pope agrees with a new fire in his eyes.

Cleo snickers, “He’s gonna take that bridge?”

“Yeah,” JJ defends Pope.

“He couldn’t even take me.”

You giggled at that, as much as you would like to believe in Pope, he would definitely need help.

“First of all, I was going easy on you.”

“I went easy on you,” With the knife in her hand, you would bet on her.

John B shushes them both, “Relax, both of you.”

JJ takes the silence as an opportunity to say his plan aloud, “If you’re with us, we can use that knife to hold it up against the captain’s neck then we go on the intercom and make him tell the rest of the crew to meet up in the forward hull. Once they’re in the same place, we lock them in there and we take back what’s ours.”

“I like it, it could work,” Pope concurs.

“Are you with us?” JJ meets Cleo’s eye to ask her seriously.

She takes a second, “No. This is stupid.” Cleo looks at you sharply. There was a man shouting orders from outside to check the containers, she hops onto the platform and opens the vent. She hops out, and you all hear her shout a name.

You were starting to think about how John B was wrong to trust her when you heard her tell the men that were trying to open the container that she searched it already. You all breathe a sigh of relief.

“She’s on our side,” JJ says. “Pope, you’re up, we’ll wait for your signal.”

Pope pulls the vent from the hole once more, climbing out. You watch as he follows Cleo with no trail before covering it up again.

You were getting anxious about how long it was taking, how long does it take to take over a bridge anyway?

“You think he’ll pull it off?” You ask Kie. Right as she opened her mouth to respond, the order from an unrecognizable voice was heard through the intercom.

“Repeat. All hands and all passengers report to the tween forward hull immediately.”

“Sounds like he did,” JJ responded. “Let’s split up, once they’re all in the hull, Kie, Y/n, and I will lock them inside.”

“Is that really a three-person job?” John B asks JJ.

You look at him suspiciously, “I’d go with you if you wanted me to, but...”

“Now is not the time guys,” Kie tells you both.

“Fine, I’ll find Sarah and get the lifeboat.”

“We’ll meet you, load the cross, and get out of here,” Kie confirms the plan.

JJ climbs out first, John B after, then Kie, and You. You glance behind you to check if there was someone coming before walking after the rest of them. John B went his separate way as soon as you all made it inside the ship. You and Kie followed JJ to the forward hull, knowing you’d get lost on your own.

There are still a couple of crew members making their way inside, huffing and complaining as they went.

“How many?” JJ whispers to where you and Kie were pressed against the metal wall. You hold up three fingers as you counted the men walking. You heard Wheezie talking to Rose, and walking behind them was Rafe.

You almost gasped as you saw him, and moved your head out of sight. You were sweating from the nerves and anxiety of potentially getting caught as well as the heat. “That’s all of the crew,” You whisper to JJ.

“Except Ward, we need Ward.”

“We can’t wait,” Kie tells you both. JJ begrudgingly nods for you all to go ahead with the plan. You, Kie, and JJ push the heavy metal door shut, the crew members from the inside were pushing it to stay open. You plant your feet as you push against them, using all your strength, and JJ officially closes the latch.

You heard their footsteps run away from the door they were fighting against you. “There’s another door!”

The three of you bolt to the other side, the crew members were too late. JJ managed to close the smaller exit before they could fight against it. With no crew members to stop you, JJ found a lower ground where the cross could be.

You climbed down the ladder where there was a wooden box, the shape of the cross, was. A blanket was lazily thrown over it, you, JJ, and Kie uncover it.

JJ smiles at you both, “Surf trip.” He reaches out his hand to do your secret handshake, he had a different one with both you and Kie.

The ceiling began to open, and Pope was standing on top, Finding this cross was a huge step in the right direction, Ward may be alive but the Pogues were going to take back what was rightfully yours, one by one. Sarah, The Cross, your lives.

You, JJ, and Kie let out shouts of excitement as Pope pumps his fist in the air, “The time where people do shit to us and we just sit back and take it is over!”

With final whoops of encouragement, Pope rushes to the crane as you, Kie, and JJ prep the cross for him with the thick rope hooked on each side of it.

“It’s ready for you Pope!” JJ shouts at him.

Pope lifts the cross quicker than he should, you shout him a warning, JJ directs him to move the cross more to the middle but he moves it far to the left. The Cross swings at a barrel of wrapping, knocking it over.

“Too far, too far!” Kie exclaims.

You hear a faint, “My bad!” coming from inside the crane.

“Your other middle!” You told him. JJ helps him by moving the extra rope from the cross and guiding it to where it isn’t hitting the ‘ceiling’ until he finally had it in the air.

You and the others go back to the upper deck from the same ladder, passing where Pope was with the crane and the cross, making sure it was clear before moving forward in your search for the lifeboats and John B. You kept going until you saw a man who looked boiling mad.

“I don’t see him,” JJ said.

“J,” You called his attention as he was looking over for John B. You and Kie shared a concerned look.

The man pulls out a machete, “Of course, there’s more of you. Get down on your knees.”

“Yeah that’s not gonna happen,” JJ speaks right before the man swung his machete down on JJ. He manages to dodge it and gets a hold of his forearm, pushing it onto the wall, you and Kie hold it down as JJ punches him. Kie lets go, and you open the metal emergency kit door, slamming it in his face, knocking him back.

Kie looks over to the lower level and calls for John B as JJ attempts to fight off the guy who’s two times his size. JJ gets shoved on the ground, his head hitting the floor, the man makes his way to Kie who had her guard down.

“Kie!” You yelled out her name as a warning and jump on the man's back, your right arm around his neck- choking him and your left arm pulling against his with his hold on the machete to keep him from swinging it at your friend.

You heard JJ shout at you, “Y/n, no!”

You couldn’t hold him back, he slams his back against the railing which meant that you would take the hit, your spine hit the edge making fall off his back and onto your feet. He then, with full force, elbows you in your stomach. You couldn’t breathe, he literally knocked the wind out of you and as he swung the machete at Kiara, she ducked and the blunt end of it hit you in the head and you went straight into the water.

JJ dove in after you, Kie kicked the man back and went in after him.

“Y/n!” Kie swam after you.

JJ held you in his arms, desperately trying to keep you afloat while also keeping himself up. “Y/n, c’mon, stay with me, baby!”

“John B!” He dully heard Kie shout. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he was struggling to keep you both up but he didn’t care how much his arms ached, he would make you sure you were alive.

“Y/n, please,” He begged. “John B’s coming alright? He’s coming, Kie!”

The lifeboat came around the corner of the ship in the distance.

Kiara continued to scream for John B to rescue the three of you. At the sight of you, unconscious in JJ’s arm, John B felt sick. Pope, John B, and Sarah cried out for you as Kie helped JJ swim with the weight of your body.

John B pulled you from JJ’s hold and into the lifeboat, JJ hovered over your body, “C’mon, Y/n.” He held your cold cheek in his palm, wishing- willing for you to wake up. The lifeboat stopped moving.

“What’s going on?” Sarah asked.

“We’re stalling!” John B pulls the string to start the engine back up again.

“You serious? We’re sitting ducks,” Pope panics.

JJ looks up to the ship and sees Rafe pointing a gun at the boat, you were all in. He moves his body in a position where he’s covering you in case Rafe starts shooting, while John B keeps trying the motor.

Miraculously it starts, and speeds away, as soon as you all were in the clear, everybody turns their attention back to where you lie, unmoving.

“I’m sorry, alright?” John B crouched on your left, holding onto your hand. “I am so fucking sorry.”

JJ was beginning to feel anxious, the start of an anxiety attack forming in his chest, “Wake up, Y/n, wake up!” He had both of his hands on your cheeks, shaking you ever so slightly. Your eyes shot open, and you were coughing out water. “There you go, cough it out, baby.”

~~~

The first thing you saw was blue, your throat felt raw from the salt water you unknowingly consumed, your lungs were screaming, and your head was throbbing like you had a migraine that was splitting your head open but the only feeling that mattered was the one you felt when you saw him looking at you the way he was right now.

His eyes held words you wished you could understand, tears appeared as if they were about to spill over, and they did as he grinned so wide, his cheeks wrinkled his eyes.

“No CPR needed, huh?” Kie commented with a smile.

You broke the intense eye contact you had with JJ and felt a hand in yours, you looked to the hand's owner and saw your brother. He immediately engulfed you in a hug. “I’m not, not talking to you again.”

“Don’t lie to yourself, JB,” You hugged him back with feeble arms, relieved that he was no longer upset with you. “I’m sorry.”

“We’re all good, lil’ P,” John B ruffled your wet hair before letting you go. JJ was mute as he beamed down on you.

“Hey,” Your voice came out small.

His lips parted, once again, in a bright smile “Sup?” He brought your head to his chest, grabbed a piece of cloth, and dabbed at the side of your head that stung.

“What the hell happened?”

“The blunt end of a machete,” Kie explained.

“Next time, duck,” Cleo joked.

You chuckled, “I’ll try to remember that next time, thanks.”

Way into the distance, on the ship you had barely escaped from, the members of the crew were hoisting the cross from the water. The plan you all thought would work, and was working, had gone wrong. You were left with nothing. Ward had the cross, the gold, and the retribution you all thought you had when Ward was dead is gone.

At least Sarah was now safe and with her people, you thought as you and the girls sat against a couple of palm trees along the shore of a remote island.

“Good job, guys” Sarah cheered for the boys as they brought in the lifeboat from the water.

“Anybody knows where we’re at?” JJ threw out the question you were all wondering.

“Deserted beach, unknown island,” Pope answered as he settled down next to Cleo.

“Plan A, huh Pope?” JJ leaned his forearm against the tree to your left, you looked up at him from where your head lay on Kie’s lap. “That went well.”

“This is the lowest we can go,” Pope said. “We literally have nothing else to lose, the cross? Gone.”

You sat up, letting the weight on your hands that dug into the sand as you listed another thing off. “The gold? Gone.”

“Seriously, if we had a nickel for every time we got beat up, I’d say we’re at a dollar fifty.” JJ reminded the group.

“That’s more than I got on me,” Kie commented.

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better,” Said Sarah.

“Yeah, you’re right. But, we’ve had some good stuff happen.” Your head snapped to John B, wondering what speech of optimism he was going to muster up.

“Name some,” Pope told him.

“The boiler room, if the boiler didn’t explode, I wouldn’t have gotten away from Rafe. I couldn’t have gotten the zodiac and gotten us out of here.” He mentioned, and pointed to the lifeboat the newly branded ‘Zodiac’.

Cleo, who was to the right of John B, looked amused. “That wasn’t luck, that thing was gonna blow the second I stopped feeding it.”

“Stealing my thunder, Cleo.”

“Sorry.”

“Okay, Pope,” He redirects. “You’re related to Denmark Tanny, that’s crazy.”

“And I lost all of his inheritance,” Pope shut down John B’s next point. You knew where he tried to go with it, and you admired him for trying to keep the group's spirits high, but you were all literally on rock bottom.

You’ve accepted your fate, after your near-death experience, all that had bothered you before had drifted away just like you and that Pogues did. All except one, human-sized thing that was stuck on this island with you.

“You know what,” John B stood and faced the ocean with his arms out wide. “Guys, this is it. This is the Pogue life. We are in the Caribbean, it’s our own little slice of paradise, with my best friends- with my family. I wouldn’t wanna do it with anyone else.”

You raised your hand and pursed your lips, “Can you say that again in like two weeks? When we’re still here, starving, and fed up with me.”

“Y/n, you almost died, the love’s gonna last a ‘lil while- don’t ruin the moment.” He put up a hand as if to stop you from speaking. “Look, while you guys were complaining about every little thing, JJ?”

The blond who was stabbing his pocket knife in the tree, paused after sinking into the bark, humming in response.

“I was looking at those burly lefts,” John B points to the waves forming on the water.

“There are some slabs out there,” JJ agrees.

“Kie, you see that?” John B attempts to persuade her.

She shakes her head, “No boards.”

“Well, we can bodysurf till we make some boards.”

“Lame.”

“They are tasty,” Pope refers to the ocean. “There’s nobody around, we could squat here for a bit. Kind of belongs to us now, huh?”

“You got a point,” You shrug. “Seven-way split.”

“Poguelandia. I claim thee Poguelandia,” JJ pipes in with a posh accent. You noted how he carved ‘P4L’ on the bark of the tree right below where his knife was embedded, emphasizing your ownership of the island. Then returns to his normal voice, “I like the ring of it, I’m gonna make a flag. It’s gonna have a chicken on it with a coconut bra, smoking a J, in crocs.”

The image of it came to mind and you laughed, it was a little blurry but you didn’t doubt that JJ would make a real visual as soon as he could find the materials.

“I could use a J,” Kie confessed.

“Can we vote on this?” Sarah asked, John B reached out to her and pulled her out of the sand.

“‘Til death do us part?”

You looked away from their little moment, slapping your hands together to get rid of the sand that got stuck, when you looked up a hand was extended out to you. The owner of it being JJ, you took his hand and allowed him to wrap his arm around you.

“What’s up?” You ask him as he guides you along the coast, away from the group. You looked back to where Kie and Pope were teaching Cleo the Pogue handshake, Sarah and John B were a couple of feet behind you and JJ.

“Just wanted to check in on you,” He let his arm slip off your shoulders once you were far enough away from the others.

Besides your severe thirst for water, the pounding in your head had gone from a blinding headache to a dull throb, and despite the fact that you were on a deserted island? You were well.

“I’m good,” You told him honestly.

“You cared the shit out of me,” He let out a sigh. “You know, earlier?”

“When I got knocked the fuck out?” You laughed. “Yeah, well, he was going at Kie and I couldn’t just not do anything.”

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you, dude,” He fiddled with your fingers as he was holding your hand. You wanted to know what he meant- what he truly meant- by that.

“You’d survive, J,” You playfully pushed his shoulder. He didn’t budge. “It would suck, losing your only form of amusement, all of you would be losing an asset to the team.”

He didn’t laugh, he was standing in front of you, his back covering the view of you from the group and openly searching the features on your face. Your neck was tilted upwards, doing just the same. You'd be lying if you said you didn’t expect something to happen right now.

The way his face was the one you saw when you woke up, according to Kie he jumped into the water the moment you were hit, the way he was looking at you then- the way he was looking at you now. Everything that happened between you in the past, it had to mean something.

“Y/n, JJ!” John B’s shouting broke through the tension around you and JJ. “C’mon, we gotta get started on provisions!”

“We’re going!” You shout back, though you weren’t sure it was loud enough. You step to the side to move past JJ, “We should go before-”

He took a hold of your face with both of his hands and you thought that he was gonna do it, he was going to kiss you. Instead, he kissed you on your forehead and said “I just need you to know that I care about you, alright?”

You flushed, “Yeah. I care about you too, J.”

“Not that I’m letting that happen ever happening again, but I didn’t want you to die without me telling you.”

“Right.” That was not what you were expecting, you had to admit that you were disappointed, knowing JJ had a difficult time expressing his emotions but when he acts like this it builds up your hope.

~~~

Before the sun went down fully, you all had started a fire with Pope’s lighter and dry wood. Everyone was surrounding the fire, just like you all would in your backyard. The only thing lacking was the beer and the lights that JJ had strung up when he bought ‘the cat’s ass’.

With the fresh breeze and ocean spraying on you, JJ exaggerating his side of the story on the ship, Cleo showing off her knife tricks to Sarah who had John B’s arm around her, Pope correcting JJ on whatever parts he got wrong, and you and Kie leaning against each other for warmth.

It felt right, you felt at peace, like you were home. John B was right, you wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else. 

~~~~

Last Chapter of Season 2! What do you guys think?

Credit to @ steffi55 on wattpad for the idea to switch from JJ getting hurt to Y/n

Chapter 21

Taglist:

@jbassettjmaybank - @deanwherescas - @thtbwltts - @nerdypartytrashpsychic - @random-girl-army - @wisegirlies - @instabull - @sexyfoxlady - @bubs-world - @sdawn03 - @mendesclines - @obx-pogues-4-life - @mentalforfics - @p-prettybitch - @namacissi - @dczedhee - @inkandpen22 - @royalavenger - @ayeitsjustmee - @80strashbag - @onlyangel-444 - @freds-slut - @poppet05 - @itsjuststaticnoises - @ahnneyong - @lovepizza567 - @jasminfelling - @rana03 - @loki-loveer - @rana030 - @lostinatimeline - @boldlypessimistic - @clinelyn - @a-j-stuffs - @yunhobug - @syd223sworld - @strawberry--fawn - @mysticalavenuecheesecake - @itsmytimetoodream - @natashtessabeth12 - @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles - @chervbs - @or-was-it-just-a-dream - @newbooksmell777 - @afterzonee - @hana-1235 - @ilovesteveharrngton - @s1Ingwns

(if your name is crossed out that means tumblr won't let me tag you, I apologize for the inconvenience)

[summerwritesfics]

🩷I’ve Been Wasting Away

Pairing: Hanzo Hasashi/Kuai Liang/Harumi Hasashi Length: 4647 Words Rating: Mature Warnings: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied Neglect, Starvation, Malnutrition, Being Held Prisoner, There is some debate in the fic on if Kuai is an adult or not but he is 18 tho, Harumi looking at Kuai Liang: I can fix him

Mortal Kombat Oneshots Masterlist

Notes: Ptthh, the fact I’m actually somewhat managing to keep to my self imposed posting schedule is something. Again this was written like last December some time I just hadn’t gotten around to posting it yet. This one was written to be a one shot, but I maybe one day I’ll add more to it (look, if you can’t tell already, I’m really bad with having a million fic projects at one time lmao.) Also Harumi being the previous Shirai Ryu Grandmaster’s daughter is a headcanon that Ed Boon himself will have to pry from my hands.

Harumi knew something was going on. She wasn't stupid. She was 21 years old and knew when things were going down around here. Given how many senior Shirai Ryu warriors were running around, it was something big too.

They were all congregating around the jail, meaning they had to have a prisoner. As she spied on them, hearing whispers of “Lin Kuei”. She bit her lip, heading towards the Grandmaster's dojo.

“Father!” She burst through the doors, where her father was stood with some of his closest generals, including the father of her fiancé. “Is it true? Is there a Lin Kuei here?”

“Harumi, you know you shouldn't be here,” Akihito softly scolded. She could see a couple of the generals smile to themselves, it was an open secret that the only person who could break the rules without consequences was Harumi. It was a little upsetting having the reputation as a “daddy’s girl” but sometimes she did use it to her advantage.

“Yes, yes,” she waved off the complaint. “But is it true?”

Akihito hesitated, before admitting “yes, it is.” He then pointed his finger at her and in his best authoritative voice told her, “but you are not to get involved in any of this, do you understand me?”

She pouted. She understood her father's desire to keep her safe, why he'd forbade her from joining the Shirai Ryu, but it still made her a little angry. She wanted to be useful to her family, the Shirai Ryu had accepted female warriors for decades. Why couldn’t she join their ranks and fight side by side with her friends and husband-to-be?

Before she could voice her objections, she heard a gentle cough from one side.

“Actually, Grandmaster Hisakawa, I do believe she may be able to help.” All faces in the room turned to Master Hasashi, most of them shocked, Harumi curious and her father looking like he was about to start chewing him out. “The Lin Kuei has been refusing to eat, we worry that if we can not convince him to, he will be too weak to last an interrogation.” He turned his face toward her. “We believe he is scared. You have a very calming presence, Harumi, you may be able to convince him to eat.”

“Kaito,” Akihito warned lowly.

“Grandmaster, I am not convinced that this Lin Kuei is of age,” Kaito argued. Harumi frowned, the Lin Kuei's tactics she knew of rarely made sense to her, but it seemed needlessly reckless to send a child into battle. “And even if he is, I doubt he can be any older than 18. If this is the case, he will not know anything of importance. Hell, he likely doesn't even know why he was sent here.”

“It does seem suspicious,” one of the other masters, Chie, added in. She was stroking her hair back as she spoke. “13 is considered old enough to go on missions in the Lin Kuei, but they don’t tend send them on solo missions until at least 20. Why send someone so young on a solo mission, especially one right into the heart of their greatest enemies operation?”

“Unless they were hoping our hatred of the Lin Kuei would trump our empathy for someone so young,” Noboru almost mumbled, like he was considering something. “Unless they were sending him here to die.”

Harumi shuddered at the thought. Even if the Lin Kuei was over 18, it sounded like he couldn't be older than herself. The thought of someone sending him out with the intent of him getting killed? That was horrific. She had been told her entire life of the brutal conditions the Lin Kuei worked under, but this was beyond anything she could imagine.

Akihito closed his eyes, and sighed, before he turned to Harumi. “I do not wish to ask this of you, but Kaito is right. You are the most calming presence we have here, you may be able to succeed in gaining his trust.”

“I will not let you down,” she announced, so glad to finally have a use within the Shirai Ryu. Sure, mediator wasn't the most action packed of jobs, but it was a skill she figured most of the others were lacking. “I will go warm up the miso soup I made earlier and see if I can convince him to take it.”

“Please be careful, even if he is young, he could still be dangerous,” Akihito warned, placing his hand on her cheek. “If he so much as lays a finger on you, it's over.”

“I understand, I'm sure it won't have to happen like that.” She bowed to her father and the other masters, who bowed to her in turn. With that, she turned on her heel to go and gather the soup.

With the hot soup in her hands, she made her way over to the jail, where Akihito and his masters were stood explaining the situation to the current guards. The guards that just so happened to be made of Hanzo and his two friends Junpei and Katashi. She could see before she even got close that Hanzo was not happy.

“I am ready,” she announced, everyone turning to her. Hanzo was glaring at her, she was definitely going to have to make this up to him later.

“I still think someone should go in with her,” Junpei piped up, “maybe Hanzo should-”

“The kid is scared,” Kaito butted in, “if someone goes in there armed to the teeth, it's just going to put him further on edge.”

“I'll be fine,” Harumi assured everyone, but she could see it did absolutely nothing to persuade Hanzo. “If I need help I will call for it.”

Reluctantly everyone moved aside and the door was slid open. She didn't make any eye contact as she stepped inside and the door was closed behind her. The jail was small, the Shirai Ryu didn't take prisoners often, so there were only two cells. Sat curled in a ball with his head ducked under his knees, chained up, was what she could only assume was the Lin Kuei.

He wasn't wearing a shirt, and she was a little sickened by what she saw. He had muscle, that was certain, but that didn't really hide how thin he was. She could see his ribs for fucks sake. That wasn't just a few hours refusing to eat, that was months, maybe even years, of lack of food. Maybe the reason they were having such a hard time pin pointing his age was due to stunted growth and malnutrition. The thought made her blood boil.

Still, she took a deep breath and softly called out, “hello, my name is Harumi.”

The Lin Kuei tensed, but moved his head until his eyes were at least visible. She was struck by just how blue his eyes were. She tried to ignore the large jagged scar over his right eye.

“I've been asked to give you food,” she explained, passing the bowl of soup through the bars and gently placing it on the floor in front of him.

“I refuse to eat,” the Lin Kuei hissed. Even his voice was as ambiguous regarding his age, not light or deep enough to say for sure if he was an adult or not. “Tell your masters I choose to die.”

“Well, my masters don't want to kill you,” she tried, settling down on the floor in front of him. “And we would rather you eat.”

“Why?” The Lin Kuei asked, finally jerking his head up and putting his legs down. “I know nothing that would be of use to you! The Lin Kuei will not come for me, and will not negotiate for my release. You have no choice but to kill me.”

“Hm, no I think we do have other choices,” Harumi disagreed, trying to stop herself from giggling at the way the Lin Kuei pouted. “And I'm afraid you not eating isn't one of them. If you don't we may have to force feed you, and trust me, that is a very unpleasant situation to be in.”

The Lin Kuei didn't say anything, just frowned like he was considering what she'd said. He didn't go for the soup though. She reached forward, pushing it a little closer to him. He regarded it for a second, before he finally reached for it and after sniffing it began to eat. Harumi let out a relieved sigh.

“Thank you,” she softly said, curious about his reaction to the soup. He seemed surprised, but not repulsed. “So, what's your name?”

The Lin Kuei glared at her like she'd just asked him to jump off a cliff. Eventually however he mumbled out the word “Tundra.”

She knew it must have been a codename, but at least she had something to call him now.

“How old are you, Tundra?” She asked. He looked at her again, although this time he looked more confused.

“Why?” He asked, looking very guarded.

“It's been a bit of a debate since you got here,” she tried with a smile. “I would appreciate being able to put an end to it.”

Tundra looked at her like she was mad, but eventually answered, “I'm 18.” So, he was an adult, but barely. “Wait, is that why they don't want to kill me? Because they think I'm a kid?”

“Even at 18, you're a little young to be considered for execution.”

“I'm 18! I'm an adult!” The fact he was practically throwing a tantrum was really not helping his case.

“Well, I'm 21 and due to be married, but my father still considers me a child, so trust me, you have no chance of convincing them you aren't one.” They stared at each other for a solid minute in silence. Then to Harumi's complete surprise, Tundra began to laugh.

“That's so weird,” Tundra giggled. “Then again, my brother still treats me like I'm a kid, even though I’ve been going on missions for years. This was meant to be the one where I proved him wrong.” He stopped laughing, staring at the chains cuffed to his wrists. “I guess I fucked that up, hm.”

“I don't think that was your fault,” Harumi sympathised.

She wanted to question a Lin Kuei having a brother. She knew they generally didn't hold onto family ties. There were only two consistent bloodlines in the Lin Kuei, the Grandmaster's bloodline and the Sub Zero bloodline. She doubted Tundra was part of the Grandmaster's bloodline, there was no way he'd have been sent here alone.

She then realised something.

Blue eyes. The name Tundra. Having an older brother.

Oh. Oh shit.

She tried not to let her realisation show, she didn't want Tundra to question her. She instead continued to make small talk, until he'd finished his soup. She took the bowl, told him that she'd be back to let him know what was going to happen to him, and left.

When she stepped out, she saw the brief moment of relief on everyone's face. That was until they saw how serious she looked, at which point the nervous energy swiftly returned.

“Harumi? My girl, what's wrong?” Akihito asked, pushing forward to take her face in his hands. She looked at him, and gulped, unsure how he would take the suspicion she was about to drop on him.

“I think he might be Sub Zero's brother.”

She had anticipated that her suspicion would be met with a level on unease.

She hadn't anticipated the sheer panic it caused.

An emergency meeting had been called, and she was unfortunately front and centre. Thankfully, other than herself it was just her father, Kaito, Chie, Noboru, Hanzo, Junpei and Katashi. Even so, everyone was looking at her extremely expectantly, and she wasn't sure what to say.

“Harumi, would you care to explain why you have come to the conclusion you have?” Akihito slowly questioned. “Did he tell you he was related to Sub Zero?”

“No,” she explained, realising just how little evidence she had. It was more just a passing and nagging thought that snowballed. “All he told me for definite was that his name is Tundra, he's 18, and he doesn't think the Lin Kuei will come or negotiate for him.”

“Then, why do you think he's related to Sub Zero?” Chie asked, she sounded unsure, likely hoping that it was just a crazy theory.

“Well, it was a couple of things.” She reached to brush a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “He has blue eyes, like really blue eyes, like unnaturally blue eyes." She heard Junpei snort as if that meant nothing. “Then there's the name. Tundra. Kind of winter related.” She saw Katashi rolling his eyes. “And then he mentioned having a brother. And I thought that was weird cause the Lin Kuei don't normally keep families together, right?”

The room was silent. Junpei and Katashi still looked disbelieving, and so did Hanzo to a degree. The masters in the room however, looked far more troubled by this.

“I didn't ask, because I didn't want to scare him further.” She linked her fingers together and made eye contact with her father. “It just seemed strange, and that was the only explanation I could think of.”

It was still silent. Akihito slowly turned to Junpei and Katashi, and quietly ordered “please can you bring him here.”

Junpei and Katashi suddenly looked a lot more serious, and they scrambled to go and leave the room. Hanzo turned back to them, now looking like he was also no longer as skeptical.

“You really think he could be related?” Hanzo asked, eyes darting around but mostly landing on his own father.

“Lin Kuei don't care for family,” Kaito explained, “They only have two constant bloodlines, and I highly doubt that the Lin Kuei are sending someone from the Grandmaster's bloodline on a solo mission like this at 18.”

It didn't take too long for Junpei and Katashi to return, Tundra in tow. He was still cuffed and chained up, but he wasn't resisting. It looked more like he was resigned to whatever fate they had chosen for him.

“Tundra, is it? We have not been properly introduced,” Akihito stated as he stood up from his chair. God, with Tundra standing she could see how short he was, especially compared to her father. He practically towered above him. “I am Grandmaster Hisakawa Akihito.”

“I know,” Tundra replied, sounding like he wanted to be brave and disrespect the man in front of him, but the shake in his voice giving him away.

Akihito gestured for Tundra to be brought to the table, pointing to a seat right next to his as head of the table, and opposite Harumi. She had no doubt that this was on purpose. Tundra sat down, glancing across the table to Harumi. She expected him to look pissed off with her, but instead his look was slightly pleading, like he was hoping she would protect him from something.

What does he think we're going to do with him?

“I will skip to the point of this meeting,” Akihito started, holding his hands in front of him on the table with his fingers linked, “you spoke with my daughter earlier.” Tundra's eyes widened, as he gave Harumi a betrayed look. Oh shit, I didn't mention that to him. “And you mentioned having a brother.” Tundra looked back to Akihito, looking like he was trying to remain impartial. “Is your brother Sub Zero?”

Tundra was silent, just shifted like he was uncomfortable.

“Why does that matter?” He muttered, trying to look anywhere but Akihito. In Harumi's mind, this was a resounding “yes” to the question. It seemed her father wanted a more solid answer though.

“Please, just tell us.”

Tundra was silent before he brought a hand to the table. He held it there for a second, a blue glow escaping his finger tips. When he was done, he moved his hand, revealing a tiny bear made of ice on the table. Harumi's jaw dropped.

“Does that answer your question?” Tundra questioned, looking around at the other people in the room, equally as slack jawed as Harumi was. Especially Hanzo. She knew he had a sort of rivalry with Sub Zero, so no doubt having his little brother so close wasn't something he'd expected.

“It does,” Akihito breathed out, gingerly picking up the bear. He looked at it with a small smile on his face, like he was looking at something cute. To be fair, the fact Tundra had chosen to make a mini ice sculpture to prove the point was adorable. Akihito's face dropped, as he looked over to Tundra again. “You could have escaped or attempted to at any point.”

“I could,” Tundra admitted quietly, “but there was no point.” He looked down at his hands and the cuffs. “Even if I escaped and got back to the Lin Kuei, I would be executed for being caught. I've seen it happen before. I'm dead whatever I do, might as well accept that.”

The way Tundra spoke, like his death was inevitable no matter how this went down, was alarming. It was a very depressing way for an 18 year old to be thinking. Someone who should be enjoying the newfound freedoms of adulthood, not fearing his own execution.

“We aren't going to kill you,” Akihito tried to assure him, but it was clear Tundra did not believe that. “What about your brother? Sub Zero is a prestigious lineage, surely he could have some sway with your elders.”

Tundra shook his head. “They will just tell him I died by your hands, and he will believe them.”

To Harumi's surprise, Akihito gestured to Junpei to unlock Tundra's cuffs. After being freed, Tundra just looked at the Grandmaster expectantly. Nothing happened, and Harumi wasn't sure what was supposed to be occurring right now.

“You are still not attempting escape.”

“I've told you, there's no point.” Tundra rubbed his wrists. “And I don't know enough for you to bother keeping me alive, so can we just skip this and get to the part where you kill me.”

“You are very insistent on us killing you.” Harumi knew her father, and knew from the way he was speaking he was extremely uncomfortable. He was likely imagining her at 18 years old and in Tundra's place. A quick glance towards Kaito and she could tell he was imagining the same but with Hanzo. “You are 18 years old, you are just barely an adult, we are not going to harm you.”

Harumi just rolled her eyes and lent in slightly as she said “told you.”

Despite the situation, she saw Tundra's mouth quirk slightly. She tried to ignore the strange look her father was giving her.

“If not that, then, what are you going to do with me?” Tundra asked before Akihito could question his daughter.

“Well, seeing as you seem reluctant to leave, we can place you with a guard for the time being until we decide how to further deal with you,” Akihito stated. “I do not feel right just letting you rot inside that jail.” And then Akihito's head turned to Hanzo, who jumped at the sudden attention towards him. “Hasashi Hanzo, I request that you be Tundra's guardian for the time being.”

“I- me?” Hanzo, for the first time since Harumi had known him, seemed completely speechless.

“Yes, I believe this will be a good way for you to prove yourself to us.” Akihito had a smirk on his face, he knew that was a surefire way to get Hanzo to agree. Hanzo was always eager to show himself to be a valuable member of the clan. “Not to mention, it seems your wife-to-be has taken quite a shine to your new ward, I'm sure she would very much appreciate if you did.”

Harumi gave Hanzo her best puppy dog eyes to plead with him. If they looked after Tundra it meant that he would live with them. Meaning she could maybe start to try and unravel whatever the hell the Lin Kuei had done to him. At the least, she might be able to start feeding him properly and get him to a healthier weight.

Hanzo grimaced, but finally relented with, “it would be my honour, Grandmaster.”

For all Hanzo's cocky assurance that he was an unpredictable renegade, he was so very very very predictable.

Akihito turned back to Tundra, “do you have any objections to this?”

“No?” Tundra didn't look like he meant that to be a question, but at the same time he seemed completely blindsided by this development.

“Then it is settled.” Akihito brushed his hands as if to indicate that the decision was final.

Harumi went to stand, walking over to the opposite side of the table and holding her hand to Tundra. He hesitated but eventually took it and let her pull him to his feet. She desperately ignored the warning sirens in her head telling her that he was way too light. Hanzo was standing by the door waiting for them. As she approached she gave him a look to tell him they'd talk later, and he nodded in understanding. Tundra looked a little uncomfortable with Hanzo, but Harumi hoped that once he wasn't in his armour, that would change.

She hoped.

“So this is what my life has become,” Hanzo sighed over dramatically. “Babysitter to a stray Lin Kuei.”

Harumi looked up from where she was chopping a spring onion. Upon returning home, she had guided Tundra to the bathroom so he could have a wash and change into some clean clothes. It was some of Hanzo's off duty wear, so she was sure they'd be a bit too big for him, but it was the thought that counted. Still with Kuai in the bath, it gave Harumi time to talk to Hanzo about what they were going to do.

“I know it's probably not how you expected today to go,” she tried, as the scraped the spring onion into her pot, “but it is a good way to show the elder's your dedication to your responsibilities.”

“I hate that's such an effective tool against me,” he muttered, reaching to his hair tie and letting his hair go free. “I'm just going to have to try and look past the fact he's the younger brother of my biggest rival.”

“Yes, yes you are.” She got out the chicken and started to dice it. “But he's not really that much younger than us, I'm sure he'd rather live with us treating him like an equal than with one of the elders treating him like a child.” She smirked and looked over her shoulder at him, “besides he seems far more mature than you were at 18.”

“Excuse you, I was a very mature 18 year old, thank you very much.” Hanzo crossed his arms and looked like a stroppy child.

“Oh really? Mr. Climbs-up-on-the-roof-and-jumps-off-it-because-he-thinks-he-can-survive-it-and-ends-up-breaking-his-leg.”

Hanzo just offered her a sheepish smile at the memory and said “to be fair, I did survive.”

“You are unbelievable,” she muttered, rubbing some salt and pepper over her diced chicken. “I don't know why I ever agreed to marry you.”

She felt arms snake around her waist as Hanzo purred into her ear, “and yet you did.”

She rolled her eyes and turned her head, just enough to be able to give her boyfriend a kiss.

“Oh, ew.”

They both looked over to the doorway to find Tundra stood there, hair still slightly wet and wearing Hanzo's clothes. As Harumi suspected, they were far too big for him, and it was almost funny, like a small child raiding his fathers wardrobe. Almost. If it weren’t a stark reminder of how underweight the young man was.

Hanzo separated from her, and they both watched as Tundra cautiously walked into the room.

“Ah good, Tundra, I'm making chicken ramen for dinner, is that okay with you?”

There was no reply, and she looked back to him. He just looked completely lost.

“I-” he bit his lip and started to rub one of his wrists. “I don't know what that is.”

She hadn't even considered that Tundra was from a completely different culture, and likely didn't eat the same foods she and Hanzo did. This was a good way to start finding a way to bond and gain his trust.

“Ramen is a noodle soup,” she replied and Tundra nodded in understanding. “I'm sorry, I hadn't considered that you might not be familiar with Japanese foods. Are there any Chinese dishes you like? I can try making them, if you'd like.”

Tundra somehow looked even more uncomfortable. “I- Um. I'm not familiar with food. The Lin Kuei's diet is just plain rice with a meat or fish.” Harumi gripped her knife tighter. Rice and a bit of meat was not a healthy diet, at all. “A-also, food is a privilege, so I do not feel right asking you for something unless I've earned it.”

Oh boy. Any reaction she could have possibly had to those words was trumped by the look of sheer abject horror on Hanzo's face.

“What do you mean, food is a privilege?” He demanded, his voice barely holding back his rage. She was surprised he'd had such an extreme reaction, but put down the chicken and went to wash her hands so she could potentially hold her husband back.

“I- Well-” Tundra looked terrified, looking like he was preparing to shield himself from a physical attack. “I- If we fail a training exercise, food privilege's are taken from us and we're not allowed to eat.” Kuai looked down and away. “I failed a lot.”

That explained why he was so thin, they were literally starving him. She managed to reach Hanzo, putting a hand on his shoulder and mouthing at him “calm down”. He looked at her for a second, then back to Tundra, his eyes widening when he realised the young man was scared of his anger. He took a deep breath.

“Well, that isn't how things work around here,” Hanzo said, somewhat calmer, but his rage still lingering in the tone of his voice. “Food isn't a privilege here, it's a right. You are allowed to eat whenever you want. There are set meals we have, but they will never be taken from you. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” Tundra muttered, sounding completely miserable.

“It's okay that you don't know what you like yet, we can try out different things and see what sticks,” Harumi offered, desperate to try and deescalate the situation. “For example, did you like the soup from earlier?”

“Y-yes I did,” Tundra nodded. Harumi wasn't sure if he was just being nice, and didn't want to push his luck with them. Still, she was sure after he got used to things he'd feel safer being honest with them.

“Well, that's a good start,” she claimed. Now that she thought about it, it did explain the strange expression on his face when he first ate it. He likely wasn't used to food that actually had taste.

“So, um, is- is there anything I can do to help right now?” Tundra asked, looking at Hanzo with a worried expression. It seemed Hanzo's outburst had really spooked him. Harumi would have to try and remember to find a solution to that problem.

“No, not really. Why don't you go have a look around the house and get used to where everything is?” She suggested, watching as Tundra nodded and started to walk off.

When he was out of the room, she turned to Hanzo who looked at her quietly before saying “I think I understand why you were so worried for him now.”

Harumi sighed. This was going to be a challenge.

[moonfurthetemmie]

Amigurumi (crochet) egg recipe

Disclaimer: I’ve never done amigurumi before this. Frankly I’m not even sure if that’s how it’s spelled. This was very much ‘fuck around and find out’ and this isn’t a super technical step guide.

QUICK EDIT: If you’re confused at any point, or you just happen to see this as someone who’s been wanting to get into crochet, this channel here is great! Robin explains things very clearly and does her best to go slow to show you what she’s doing. She’s the reason my mom and I were able to actually get into crochet, after our first attempts some years ago ended in confusion and disappointment.

Definitely don’t recommend trying this as your first crochet project though. Circles are confusing. Try squares first.

- yarn. i don't know what weight it was but it wanted a 5mm hook

- 5mm hook

- something to be used as a stitch marker, unless you want to live dangerously. Not quite as necessary if you do rings instead of a continuous spiral, but i did a spiral and there's no way in hell i was going to be able keep track of my stitches just in my head

- Some sort of stuffing. I gutted an old pillow that was already designated as crafting material.

I am using *US* crochet terms.

1. Magic circle. chain 1

2. Into the magic circle goes 6 single crochet

3. Tighten magic ring. If you're not doing a spiral, slipstitch the 6 stitch to the 1.

4. Into each of those 6 stitches, do an increase. You should now have 12 stitches. I will not be counting after this because god gives me no brain space for such things.

5. Start your next row with an increase. 1 single crochet. Repeat all the way around.

6. Two rows of only single crochet. I did the first row in the back leg, and the second row in the front leg, to create a funky tactile pattern. You do not have to. You can do normal rows. Make your egg how you wanna make your egg.

7. Start your next row with an increase. Then, 2 single crochet stitches. Repeat all the way around.

8. Repeat step 6

9. Start you next row with an increase. Then, 3 single crochet stitches. Repeat all the way around.

10. Repeat step 6 again.

11. Start your next row with an increase. Then, 4 single crochet stitches. Repeat all the way around.

12. Repeat step 6.

13. Now we’re working backwards! Start your next row with a decrease, then do 4 single crochet stitches. Repeat all the way around.

14. Repeat step 6.

15. Decrease -> 3 single crochet. Repeat around.

16. Repeat step 6.

17. Decrease -> 2 single crochet. Repeat around.

18. Decrease -> 1 single crochet. Repeat all the way around.

19. Stop! Get your stuffing and stuff that bitch!!!! It’s going to be very difficult to stuff it once you do the last row! I turned mine so the tail from the magic ring was on the inside, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it again. Make sure you pack it full of fluff. More fluff makes better stress ball egg

20. Decreases all the way around. You should end with only 6 stitches.

21. ‘Tie off’ your work, giving yourself a fairly long tail. Do yourself a favor and weave the end in a bit. Then tuck in inside your egg. No waste. Only egg.

Ta-da! EGG

Here’s a second one I made for grandpa. I am required to Squish for Quality Assurance, and yes! It is smaller! Likely due to the yarn I used being a different weight than the first kind. Oh well. Grandpa liked it

I made an egg

I’m gonna make another one (grandpa wants stress ball egg) and once I manage to recreate Egg I will give a pattern

[chosenimagines]

-FLIRTY-

01 Call me yours *wink*

02 You look like a cute little elve

03 Looking as good as ever

04 Did the sun just come out? I don't think I've ever seen you smile that bright

05 Did it hurt?

06 You are glowing brighter than the stars

07 I am hoping to see you soon again, Gorgeous

08 Oh damn you are looking so fine, Baby

09 My pleasure

10 How about you put your lips on mine

11 I love to see you in my clothes but I love them better on my floor

12 Now I couldn’t be more happy that I walked in without knocking

13 You have never called me that. Keep doing that!

14 Your hand fits perfectly in mine

15 Good morning, baby

16 I missed this mischievous glance

17 You owe a kiss, dear

18 What’s up, hot stuff?

19 If this is a dream I don’t want to wake up again

20 How about you go on one date with me and I make you fall in love with me

21 You shouldn’t argue with destiny, love. It wants us to be together

22 I wish I could meet you one more time for the first time so I could admire you in the right way

23 Did it hurt when you fell?

24 I am pretty sure you are the reason for global warming

25 Your beauty is distracting me

26 Hey, Lover Boy!

27 You tried to flirt with me

28 Don’t you know the language of love?

29 As always you are such a charmer

30 Your smile is gorgeous

31 I wanted to use a crappy pick up line but damn Angel you are way out of my league

32 You are worth all the trouble

33 We both know that you are in love with me

34 You are my favourite distraction

35 I noticed you staring at me, princess

36 You are very welcome to do it

37 There is only you!

38 Are you sure you want a kiss? I am not sure if you won’t fall for me again

39 That is my new favourite sound

40 You are totally flirting with me

41 Awww, I made you blush

42 Baby, the sun is nothing compared to you

43 Your hero came to save you

44 I thought I was already lost but then I looked into your eyes

45 Do you want my jacket?

46 It looks good on you

47 I love it when you are blushing

48 That lip biting is sexy

49 You owe my real date but I’ll be your fake one anytime

50 Don’t worry, I’m all yours

51 Chocolate for the sweetest girl on the universe

52 You don’t mind sharing with me, do you *wink*

53 Did you know that I love how you push back your hair?

54 I’ve never thought that I’d fall for a cute little elve *smirk*

55 Besides it looks better on you

56 Hey Gorgeous!

57 I can’t wait to show you off! You are looking stunning (insert nickname)

58 My lips hurt too

59 Maybe you want to watch a scary movie with me?

60 Your wish is my command

61 Heeeey, how you doin’?

62 The room got brighter when you entered

63 I can be your valentine

64 3… 2… 1! Happy New Year *leans in for a kiss*

65 Didn’t you see it? The sparkles between you and me

66 I want to do more than that *wink*

67 I’m heartless now, because my heart is all yours! *winks*

68 I couldn’t help but notice you when I walked in.

69 Has anyone ever told you that your eyes look like the ocean? Wild and beautiful

70 You make me feel like an artist! You are the perfect muse for my poems

71 I wish I could paint you like this, but I could never do you justice.

72 Damn, that accent though!

73 I believed that I knew what beauty looks like but damn...

74 So how do I get out of the friendzone? Should we give kissing a shot?

75 Don’t tell me your heart isn’t racing.

76 My heart is racing, and I can’t tell whether it’s because I’m terrified or because I like you.

77 Trust me, you look gorgeous!

78 Did you know that your laugh is sexy?

79 It was kinda cute actually

80 This is all for you

81 Thank you for your precious smile, love

82 I don't want your body! I want to know your soul

83 Your hair is hanging in your food! *brushes it behind her/his/their ear*

84 You make me so nervous, but for some reason I still like it!

85 How about we go on a rollercoaster? The rollercoaster of emotions

86 If you’re feeling nervous, we could hold hands.

87 You like my name? You should here my phone number

88 I lost my number. Can I have yours?

89 I lost my heart. Can I have yours?

90 Hey, don’t be ashamed of being shy! It’s actually really cute!

91 Did you know I can read palms? *takes her/his/their hand and traces along the lines* I can see that you are meant to fall in love with me

92 That outfit looks great on you.

93 May I have this dance? *smirks and bows* 

94 I was more than lucky to run into you. See you around?

95 Maybe we can hang out again? *grins*

96 We work well together. *winks*

97 Has anyone ever told you how funny you are?

98 This was fun! Don’t you want this to happen again? Like tomorrow 5 o’clock

99 How about next time just the two of us hang out?

100 Aren’t you tired, sweetheart? You’ve been running through my mind a lot lately

101 You make me want to know more.

102 Just ask me out. I know you’re dying to.

103 I can’t help thinking that we look really good together.

104 Wanna go grab a drink?

105 I’ll come if you do *wink*

106 If it’s a date, then I definitely have time for it.

107 I’ll always make time for you.

108 I bet anyone would like you.

109 I know I was staring, but how can I help it. You're so gorgeous I just couldn’t look away.

110 I wish I could see you more often.

111 I thought this party would be a waste of time, but then I saw you.

112 I’m a very honest person and you are honestly the prettiest/most handsome person here.

113 You should smile more, you look lovely.

114 You should smile! Your happiness is lifesaving

115 Because of my great looks and your stunning smile and personality you should be my date to the dance

116 Are you good at ball games? Cause you really caught my eye! 

117 You, me equals a perfect match!

118 You’ve been here for how long?! I could have never forgotten someone like you

119 How about you be the Belle to my Beast?

120 Time stopped when you walked by

121 Why can’t I take my eyes off you?

122 My heart skipped a beat when our eyes met.

123 Feel my pulse. This is how my heart beats whenever I’m around you.

124 Can’t you stay a little longer? It’ll be worth your time.

125 I wanted to give you some of my sweets but I am afraid that you will get any sweeter

[slncerity]

The First Unsent Apology

We broke up 8/9/20, I last saw her 10/8/20, she sent her last message 12/22/20. I currently feel over it, and I think it will stay that way, but let me entertain you all with my year of struggle in the format of a series, this also helps me see things linearly. 

2/27/21:

I have no Idea what your thinking or doing in life right now but It felt important to me to tell you a couple of things. Don't worry its not that I desperately want you back or something. I just wanted to let you know that although it didn't seem like it at first to you, I did loose something valuable. And over the last few months I've felt that intensely. It wasn't easy for me to move on as it might of appeared to you. Especially after our last interaction, I've been extremely self conscious. Something that you know I've never really felt before. I don't know why you chose to completely stop talking to me- My worst fear was that you no longer see the relationship as we once did. That you've been more inclined to think that it wasn't a good relationship. That perhaps I was even acting in a selfish manor the entire time, to prove my ideas about the world. Ideas that, if false, I scarified you and your feelings for in vein. And I sincerely apologize to you if that is the case. I have never been more guiltily over something for this long of a time. I’ve already accepted this conclusion emotionally, so don’t be afraid to tell me if that is the case. But if you just wanted to move on, just say so and Ill never say a word to you again. It will help me if I know why, no matter the answer. But on a slightly happier note, even if that’s the case, I never regret being with you or doing the things that I did with you. And my favorite memory has remained the same, I just wish I had your poems to visualize them better. I only regret one thing, one lie, a thing that I promised but never happened. That I said out of moral obligation to maintain my integrity and moral character. I did really love you though, but I didn't quite know what I was doing. And we definitely were not ready for that. It felt like my only option at the time. And I’m sorry if that’s made it more difficult for you to move on or has given you even more trust issues. I just hope to god that this wasn’t all a waste of time and emotional energy, and that it genuinely helped you grow. Because although I’m in a confusing time right now In my life, it sure helped me, and our relationship taught me a lot about life and love.

[charincharge]

I Don’t Want To Wait, seven

rowaelin high school bff au masterlist

Based on the prompt:

Sharing is caring. Now, give me the hoodie!

“I’m never drinking again,” Aelin moaned as she rolled over on Lysandra’s bed, shoving her head under the pillow. She knew Rowan had censored himself filling in the gaps of her night. Saying she was an angry drunk, though accurate, was not quite specific enough.

Apparently, she and Rowan had had a screaming match in the kitchen that he failed to mention, and Aelin had zero recollection of.

“The entire kitchen cleared out,” Lysandra explained, “Lyria included. But you were… pretty loud.”

Aelin groaned into the pillow.

“Why wouldn’t he tell me?”

Lysandra patted Aelin’s foot, trying to be comforting, but Aelin didn’t want to be comforted right now. She kicked Lysandra’s hand away.

“This is the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Lysandra snorted and poked her bare foot. “At least he thought you were talking about someone else?”

Aelin peeked out from beneath the pillow and frowned again. “That is so much worse. Now he thinks I’m mad at him for not letting me kiss NOX OWEN.”

“What else was he supposed to think? You can’t exactly blame him. You smacked his drink out of his hand and started screeching about how he ruined your kissing plans.”  

“As if I’d ever have a chance with Nox. I barely even have a chance with Rowan, and he’s been my best friend since we were eight.” Aelin sighed loudly. “Whatever. Everything is ruined now. He’s going to prom with Lyria.”

Lysandra frowned, the pity evident in her bright green eyes as she flopped down next to Aelin on her comforter. “I’m sorry, boo.”

“Tell me one more time,” Aelin sighed. “Exactly what we both said. Every word.”

“In the kitchen?”

Aelin nodded.

“You stared at Lyria’s hand for like… a full ten seconds. Then you smacked the drink out of Rowan’s hand, and screamed – Where’s my drink, bitch? And he very calmly said, What the fuck, Aelin? Because… you know. The drink spilled all over the floor. Then you screamed at the top of your lungs, I NEEDED ANOTHER DRINK, AND YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. And he did that eyebrow thing you hate and asked, What did I ruin? And then you screamed back KISSING PLANS. That’s when the kitchen started emptying out.” Aelin groaned.

“It’s so much worse hearing it again.”

Lysandra paused. “Do you want me to repeat the rest?” And Aelin nodded tentatively. It was masochistic, but she needed to hear it all again.

Lysandra sighed loudly, knowing the worst was about to happen. “You fucking raged, Aelin. You incoherently started screaming – I HAD KISSING PLANS. AMAZING REAL FIRST KISS PLANS AND YOU RUINED THEM BY GETTING DISTRACTED.” She crinkled her nose at that. “And it looked like Rowan was going to say something, but you just kept going on and on about your ruined kissing plans. You called him an idiot….” Aelin cringed. She couldn’t believe how belligerent she was. “And then you screamed, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO COME BACK WITH MY DRINK. THE DRINK WAS INTEGRAL TO MY KISSING PLAN. Which, by the way, nice SAT vocab drop while you were blackout drunk. That was impressive.”

Aelin couldn’t do anything more than flick off her friend. She was too busy berating herself for all the stupid things she didn’t remember saying when she was drunk. She’d been this close to telling Rowan she’d planned to kiss him. And she’d said FIRST KISS. It wasn’t like she hadn’t kissed anyone before – she totally had. There’d been several games of truth or dare which included kisses and a braces-filled makeout session at Camp Terrasen in eighth grade. She’d just meant their first kiss. She wanted to die.

“Then he got really mad himself and screamed back at you that you should have told him about your kissing plans, so he didn’t ruin your night. And you screamed back it didn’t matter since it was already ruined and clearly you could get your own drink.”

“I think that’s when he realized you’d had a little too much to drink that he’d clearly missed. And he sought out Nox, who explained the drink chugging, and while that happened, you literally chugged another drink and then launched yourself at Salvaterre.”

“I have to apologize,” Aelin said, but Lysandra shook her head.

“He didn’t bring it up for a reason.” Lysandra softened her eyes, running her hand through Aelin’s freshly showered hair. “I think once you punched Lorcan he chocked everything up to wasted nonsense.”

Aelin shoved her face into Lysandra’s pillow and let out a low laugh. What a nightmare. “I’m just grateful you and Elide were there to change me,” she said. “I can’t even imagine my embarrassment if Rowan had to peel me out of puke-covered clothes.”

“Yeah, you owe us for that one.”

Aelin’s mouth dropped in shock. “You left me to sleep on the bathroom floor!”

Lysandra laughed. “Only because you scissor kicked Rowan in the knee when he and Wes tried to take you up the stairs.” She looked at Aelin. “He’s not mad at you, Ace. He was going to let you sleep in his bed. Puke-covered and all.”

Aelin rolled onto her back. “But he’s going to prom with Lyria,” Aelin repeated again.

“She’s nice,” Lysandra quipped, causing Aelin to glare at her. “But she’s not you.” Aelin’s lips quirked upward at that. “He’ll figure it out eventually,” she said, letting Aelin breathe a sigh of relief. She really hoped Lysandra’s assessment was true. “Or he won’t, and you’ll spend the rest of your life pining away.”

Aelin snorted loudly. “Gee, thanks.”

“Welcome, bitch.”

Lysandra paused, her green eyes soft and nervous instead of holding their usual brash confidence as she continued. “I know you and Rowan are special best friends with, like, a special best friend song and everything.”

“We do not have a special best friend song?” Aelin interrupted, causing Lysandra to laugh and boop her nose softly.

“You do. It’s ‘Dancing In The Moonlight,’ which is adorable, but not my point.”

“And that is…?”

“I know I’ll never be Rowan, but I’m still a best friend, and if you need to talk about things… you can tell me. Especially if they’re Rowan things.”

Aelin bit her lip and breathed nervously. “I’m glad you know.”

“Oh, babe,” Lysandra laughed, rubbing Aelin’s shoulder softly. “I’ve known about your feelings for years. I’m just glad you finally told me.”

Aelin groaned and shoved her head under the pillow again.

~*~

Dear journal,

I don’t know who else to talk about this with. I know Lysandra KNOWS now, but I just need to vent to someone impartial, okay? Things with Rowan are so weird… because they’re not weird at all. After Lys told me what I screamed at him, I was sure he’d finally come out and clear the air, but it’s been a WHOLE WEEK, and he hasn’t said anythingggg. Everything is just…. normal??? He even let me keep the lacrosse sweatshirt Lys and El put me in. I tried to give it back, but he told me it was mine now. What the hell is THAT about? What does it mean?

I want to tell him I know about the fight, but then I’d have to explain I was screaming about kissing him, and I don’t know if he wants to hear that anymore.

All I know is that every time I look at him I feel like I’m about to explode. Not to mention I’m about to go suit shopping with him for ~PROM~ and I’m kind of freaking out. What is Rowan in a TUX going to do to my body? I might just combust there on the spot. Maybe he’s right. I should ask Lys to teach me how to … you know (masturbate). I tried to watch a video (I KNOW), but I got a million pop ups and got too nervous and shut my laptop off. Maybe I should look on my phone next time. Do phones get pop ups?

UGH OKAY. HE’S HERE. WISH ME LUCK.

Xo, Aelin

5/21/20 – age 16

Aelin slammed her journal shut and shoved it under her stack of decoy notebooks in her nightstand just before Rowan appeared in her doorway.

“Ready to go, Ace?”

She nodded and stretched her arms above her head, shaking out her hand, which was cramped from writing so neatly in her journals.

“Don’t you want to bring a jacket?” Rowan asked, looking at Aelin’s bared stomach pointedly.

“It’s almost June, Buzzard, don’t be such a prude,” she answered, her arms self-consciously crossing over the chest of her cropped t-shirt.

He rolled his eyes, leading them back downstairs, and Aelin grabbed her purse and followed. “Don’t come complaining to me when you’re too cold.”

“I would never,” she gasped, feigning shock. “And don’t forget you owe me post-shopping ice cream.”

“Oh, bring me back a pint of chocolate peanut butter,” Rhoe called out from the kitchen, his blue eyes peering out from behind the giant pages of the Orynth Times.

“Sure thing, Dad,” Aelin called out, passing by the kitchen with a wave.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Aelin doubled back and peered into the kitchen where her exhausted looking dad sat. “Rowan is taking you shopping? Has hell frozen over? Rowan, how did you get conned into this?”

Aelin looked up at Rowan, who scratched his head uncomfortably. “She’s actually taking me shopping. I need a tux for prom…” Rowan trailed off, his cheeks turning slightly pink as Rhoe returned a surprised look at the child who was practically his surrogate son.

“Ae, do you need a dress?” he asked, suddenly looking worried. Her dad would give her the moon if he could, but supporting a daughter on a firefighter’s single salary was often more than he could manage.

“Oh, no,” Aelin shook her head, carefully concealing her hurt feelings with a devilish smirk. “Rowan got asked to junior prom.”

Rhoe’s eyes widened, flickering between his daughter and Rowan rapidly, before smiling softly. “An older woman, eh?”

“It’s not like that…” Rowan grumbled, his cheeks flushing slightly as he looked down at the ground at his well-worn running sneakers. “I barely know her. I just said yes to be polite…”

“Sure, Buzzard,” Aelin said, poking Rowan’s side. He frowned at her unhappily, flicking her finger away.

Rhoe barked out a loud laugh. “Have fun, you two.” He fixed Aelin with a serious stare. “Make sure he picks out something really embarrassing, kiddo.” His stare broke as he winked, sending them off on their way, Rowan rushing out of the house as fast as his feet could carry him.

“Oh yeah,” Aelin laughed. “I’m putting him in blue ruffles first.”

“You are not!” Rowan called from outside, already starting up the jeep.

Aelin waved goodbye to her dad and hopped into the passenger seat, cranking up her mix, which was still playing in Rowan’s car.

~*~

“I look stupid,” Rowan whined, shoving his hands into the pockets of the umpteenth different styled tux the shop attendant had pulled for him. This one was black, again, but some kind of shiny material, and the pants had a stripe up the side.

Aelin couldn’t help the small frown that tugged at her lips at how picky her best friend was being. She honestly assumed the boy who mostly lived in athletic shorts and t-shirts would be fine with the first suit he tried on, but he was being finnicky and far too particular for someone who “just said yes to be polite.” And it was starting to get on her nerves. What she thought was going to be an exercise in sexual restraint was actually just trying her patience.

“Shiny, no good!” the salesman agreed, his accent curling thickly around his criticism.

Rowan sighed and turned to look at Aelin, who did her hardest to neutralize her facial expression before he saw her frown, but it was too late.

“I knew it,” Rowan grumbled, peeling the jacket off and handing it to the salesman, who cleared out the full dressing room again, and Aelin gnawed at her lip, trying to think of something comforting to say.

“It’s not bad…”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Ace.”

“Language!” the salesman snapped, and Rowan’s mood lifted for a brief second as he laughed in shock, his eyes going straight to Aelin, as if to say Can you believe this guy? She shook her head in agreement, and she was relieved to see a smile on his face for the first time in two hours.

Aelin pushed herself off the small chair in the communal dressing room space and approached Rowan. She cocked her head to the side and let her eyes shamelessly trail his form. He was right about this particular suit. It did look stupid. But none of the suits, all in differing shades and cuts of black, had looked right. As her gaze trailed back up to his face, his breath held, patiently waiting for her conclusion, Aelin had a stroke of genius.

“Black isn’t your color, Ro. It’s washing you out.” Rowan’s face scrunched at her assessment, clearly unpleased. But the stark contrast between the white and black, combined with his pale hair was doing something to his usually tanned and glowing skin, and it wasn’t good.

“I refuse to wear a light blue suit,” he said, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Not something bright. Just… subtle color,” Aelin explained, and the salesman started nodding rapidly.

“Ah, yes, the Bellissima is correct. Color. Yes, color! COLOR!”

He excitedly ran back into the shop and returned with suits in various dark shades of navy and emerald and maroon slung over his shoulder. Aelin watched in amusement as he shoved Rowan back into the dressing room, telling him to try the green first.

Aelin stood impatiently, arms crossed and leaning against one of the 360 mirrors, hoping against all hopes that her assessment was correct. She wasn’t sure she could endure another two hours of this. Another five minutes would be bad enough, to be honest.

When Rowan walked out to the small platform, she knew she’d nailed itt. Her pulse thrummed loudly, and she could feel her lips part, inhaling a large gasp into her drying mouth. Rowan looked…

“Wow,” Aelin whispered at the same time Rowan said, “Huh,” peering into the mirror.

Aelin stood up straighter, pushing herself up and getting a closer view of the striking boy in front of her. The green was so dark, it just barely contrasted with the black lapels and trim of the suit, but the color brough a warmth to his face that had been missing, the green of his irises prominent beneath his long blonde lashes. Those bright eyes peered over at Aelin, searching for her reaction, and she couldn’t help the soft blush that appeared across her skin as they locked with hers.

Rowan cleared his throat, coughing lightly as he smoothed the jacket out, pulling the lapels gently. “Uh, yeah. Good call, Ace.”

Aelin lifted her long hair into a high bun, needing something to do with herself besides stare and to allow the breeze of the store fan to cool the back of her neck.

“The one!” the salesman cooed, running his hands across Rowan’s broad shoulders proudly. “We did it!”

When Aelin looked back up, she was surprised to see Rowan’s eyes still on her, gauging her reaction with curiosity. He raised a blonde brow in her direction, and Aelin was afraid for a second that she was going to launch herself at him right there and kiss his face.

Instead swallowed loudly and clapped her hands, shaking off the intensity of his gaze and smiled broadly. “About time, Buzzard. Now, let’s go get me some ice cream.”

The moment was broken as Rowan rolled his eyes and made his way back into the changing room, slinging the suit over the door as Aelin exhaled and slumped back into the chair for a brief reprieve.

“Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream,” Aelin chanted as Rowan paid for the tux rental.

Rowan slung his arm over Aelin’s shoulders and smiled down at her. “Fine. You earned it.”

“Hell yeah, I did,” Aelin said, as the salesperson shouted, “Language!” at them again, as they ran out of the store, both giggling.

By the time they reached their favorite ice cream spot, the sun had set, and the swift down current breeze of the Staghorn Mountains had started up, cooling the temperature significantly from the balmy afternoon Aelin had dressed for.

She looked out at the dark water, shivering slightly as she took her first bite of mint chocolate chip. Rowan bit back a smile as he wrapped his hoodie around himself tighter, keeping the winds out, happily eating his cookie dough without danger of freezing to death.

On her third bite, Aelin finally broke. “Oh come on, Buzzard, sharing is caring. Now, give me the hoodie.”

“I told you to bring your jacket!” Rowan laughed just as a particularly strong gust cut against Aelin’s exposed skin, making her shudder. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” he snorted, opening up the hoodie and nodding to her. “Get in here.”

“Really?” she asked, teeth chattering.

“You’re the worst,” he joked as he unzipped his hoodie and held it open, and Aelin practically raced into it. Rowan’s smile grew as he zipped the hoodie back up, which shockingly stretched large enough to fit them both. Just barely. Aelin pressed her cheek against his chest, soaking in his warmth as his free hand rubbed her back. She shivered again, but this time having nothing to do with the cold, warmth and desire radiating through her body as she felt every twitch of his muscles, every shallow breath.

“Better?” he asked, and she nodded, smiling happily into her next bite of ice cream. She savored each bite, not wanting the moment to end too soon. Each bite tasting better than the last, surrounded in Rowan’s grasp and heat. She breathed in, his heady scent filling her head, his embrace feeling so perfect around her. Her stomach calmed, everything suddenly feeling so right.

“Thanks, Ace,” he said quietly, resting his chin on her head. “I know that’s not how you wanted to spend your Saturday.”

Aelin finished her last bite and leaned harder into his warm chest. “I don’t care how we spend our Saturdays,” Aelin admitted. “As long as we’re hanging out.”

“Cool,” Rowan said, sounding so lame that Aelin couldn’t help but laugh, and she could feel him hiding his own smile in her hair. “Okay, we have to get back into the car,” he laughed outright, his hands rubbing circles onto her back, and Aelin shook her head into his shirt. No, she wanted to stay just like this forever.

“I’ll freeze to death!” she countered instead.

“We’ll just have to make a run for it. I don’t plan on losing you tonight, Ace.” Aelin groaned, but Rowan knew he’d won. “On the count of three,” he warned her. “One… two…” On three, he unzipped the hoodie, and Aelin screeched, her voice raising to glass shattering levels as she sprinted towards the jeep, wind whipping through her thin t-shirt and cutting against her warmed skin like ice.

Rowan unlocked the jeep as they ran, and they both launched themselves into their seats simultaneously, joyful laughter bubbling up in both of them and filling the car.

Aelin watched Rowan as he turned the car on, and immediately cranked up the heat. Her stomach fluttered again, and she crossed her legs to quell the ache of desire that had begun to take over her body.

As stealthily as she could, she pulled out her phone and texted Lysandra again.

I need some help.

Her phone lit up with Lysandra’s returning message almost immediately. XYZ kind of help???

Aelin snorted at the use of Rowan’s code name. Lysandra had suggested if Aelin ever wanted to talk about Rowan in text, she probably shouldn’t use his name. Just in case he ever saw. Aelin had immediately suggested his initials, RW, but Lysandra smartly pointed out he was the only RW they knew. Lysandra cackled, suggesting XYZ – because it came right after W. And with any luck, Aelin would be coming soon.

Aelin’s cheeks flushed as she texted back. Can you teach me/instruct me/explain how to masturbate?

OMG!!!!! MY BABY BUTTERFLY, YES YES YES GIRLLLLL!!!

Aelin laughed softly, and Rowan looked at her curiously, from her cheeks to the phone lit up in her hand.

“Who could you possibly be texting right now?” he asked, and if Aelin didn’t know better she would have thought he maybe sounded slightly put out.

“Lysandra,” she answered, a little too quickly, but her heart was beating too fast at the inappropriate back and forth she and Lys were having, especially since she wanted to fantasize about the person sitting right next to her while she… learned.

“What about?” Rowan asked, curious.

Aelin bit her lip. “You were right,” she said, her face probably beet red. She was grateful he couldn’t entirely see the color in the dark.

“About what?” he asked. “I mean, I’m often right about a lot of things,” he added cheekily.

“Masturbation,” Aelin replied as confidently as she could, while feeling like her skin was going to burn her alive. The car swerved slightly as Rowan snapped his head to look in her direction.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice sounding strained and high.

“Lysandra’s going to teach me.”

Aelin could feel her best friend’s gaze puncturing holes into her flaming cheeks as he searched for something to say. But when she looked up, she couldn’t speak fast enough.

“ROWAN!” she shouted as the jeep crashed straight into the taillights of the car in front of them.

~*~*~*~

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[hexalene]

A non-chronological, non-comprehensive list of some of the exhausting bullshit I have had to put up with enforcing our impossibly gentle masking policy. Sometimes we were able to enforce, most of the time we just let them in. For funsies, I was injured and in a sling for most of this shit:

1. “SHUT UP you fat fucking bitch you’ll never amount to ANYTHING in your STUPID FUCKING LIFE now get OUT OF MY WAY!” *proceeds to ram her grocery cart into my side*

2. “I’m not going to comprise MY FREEDOM.”

3. *grabs screaming toddler and runs in, holding the child between us, as if that will prevent me from noticing they don’t have a mask*

4. “No, I won’t wear...oh wait, I mean I have a medical condition.”

5. “I have a medical condition. It’s like cancer, in my face. It’s too painful to wear one. It’s also too painful for the face shield. It’s cancer.”

6. “What’s it called? I have asthma, I can’t wear one.”

7. “I’m overweight. I can’t wear one.”

8. “I’m not putting that MUZZLE on my face”

9. “The virus isn’t real, idiot.”

10. “I’m in a wheelchair, I don’t have to do anything you tell me.”

11. “I have an emotional support dog.”

12. “If you give me that, I’m just going to throw it away, so don’t even bother.”

13. “My sister is in the hospital, so I don’t have to wear one.”

14. “I’m not touching that thing.”

15. “The mask is more dangerous than the virus. It’ll stop the oxygen from reaching my brain.”

16. “I served in the military.”

17. “I’m only grabbing a coffee, so like, why bother?”

18. “My sister is a nurse and she says it’s not real.”

19. “Fuck you.”

20. *ten minutes of screaming at me, the managers, and passerby about his precious American freedoms being violated*

21. Two men in qanon shirts, openly carrying firearms. Clearly desperate to fight. Did not engage.

22. “Shut up.”

23. “Look, you’re that same bitch who was here last time, I don’t fucking care, just fucking leave me alone. I’m not wearing it.”

24. *grabs the whole box and throws it in the trash*

25. “Come on sweetheart, you know this is all shit. I know you wouldn’t wear one of you didn’t have to worry about your job. It’s so awful they’re making you cover your pretty face.”

26. “I’m not ruining my lipstick.”

27. “What are you going to do about it? I’m going in no matter what.”

28. “It’s against my religion. Jesus would never wear a mask.”

29. *pretends to not speak English* (note: came in daily speaking unaccented english for a year previous, only suddenly loosing this skill with the pandemic)

30. “Is this fun for you? Do you like harassing people??” (Literally. Just. Doing. My. Job.)

31. “Open this fucking door, I’m not talking to some employee, get your fucking manager.. SHUT UP. Shut up, get the manager, I’m coming in here.”

32. *holds a tissue over their face* “this counts.” (It does not)

33. “I’m over 65.” (DUDE)

34. “I’m pregnant.” (BRO)

35. “Get your manager, I’ll take you guys to court.”

36. *refuses the mask and proceeds to wave a fucking EMF reader over my body, because apparently the virus is a ghost*

37. *holds mask on their face as if they’re putting it on, put drops it as soon as they think I can’t see.*

38. *gets mad, proceeds to SPIT ON THE PRODUCE DISPLAYS* (we had to pull and waste out the whole fucking shelf fuck this guy)

39. *physically shoves me out of the way*

40. “I’m allergic to masks. I can’t have anything on my face at all.”

41. *talks on their phone, talking louder to “drown” me out while trying to speed by*

42. *has a literal pink fuzzy sleeping mask over their mouth*

43. “This is all going to go away after the election, so don’t sit here and pretend it’s real.”

44. “The president isn’t wearing one, so I’m not wearing one.”

45. “I’ve never been to CHYNA.”

46. “I don’t support BLM” (????????????)

47. “Oh I already have it, so it doesn’t matter.” (Me: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??!????????? IS THAT PRESENT TENSE????????? He was not allowed in, for the record.)

48. *a repeating anti-masking offender, wildly drunk and three times my size, barreled by me, proceeded to open and drink mouthwash right off the shelf. Made several sexual advances at me and another female employee, so we got to step aside while the male management dealt with him*

49. *a literal pair of panties, the creep*

50. *this dude fuckin rolls up in a fuckin $700,000 car, parks on the fire lane, leaves his fuckin door wide open with the KEYS IN THE IGNITION AND STILL RUNNING, moonwalks the fuck in with his dog, and waves me down like I’m the goddamn host at a restaurant and tells me to go get my manager, but to “take a long time, because I’ll be finishing my shopping while you’re gone, and they’re not going to stop me.”

51. *gets caught swapping price tags, AND refusing a mask* “pull that stupid thing off your face, HONEY, I can’t hear anything you’re saying.” Proceeds to tell management that I am “a serious problem, the rudest bitch she’s ever met, and she will NOT be coming back to this store. They should fire me, because she’s never been treated so rudely before. Take that little girl off the schedule. What happened to customer service?” Reminder: she was caught stealing while I was trying to enforce the mask policy.

52. *I offer a mask, get shut down with bullshit “me and my five kids and husband all have a medical condition” whatever. I say all right and go back to my station. Bitch calls the store after she leaves and screams that I discriminated against her and her family.

53. “I’m a priest.”

54. *a pair of police officers who come in while I’m stuck with a different and more boring antimasker, without masks, I try to stop them, but they laugh. Dumbasses. The station is down the street. We called and reported them to their superior. Got a NICE official apology for that one.

55. *wearing a literal fursuit, which....counts.....I guess??? This person was actually fine, but I’m on a ptsd flashback and they’re there*

56. “Only if you have toilet paper.”

57. “We can’t wear those things. How will we get herd immunity???”

58. *a pair of basketball shorts*

59. *a sock*

60. *a “mask” with the mouth cut out

61. No wait I’m stopping here, this is literally endless

Please for the love of god be kind to your essential workers, we’ve been doing the normal work routine on hardcore survivalist mode all 2020, and I am so ready for the vaccine please please please let this year end

[megashadowdragon]

**1.**Punching Gilgamesh the moment you are summoned/enter a fight/enter a room is not reasonable and should not be done at any time -Gudao

1a. Not even when he barges into the Camelot Room and threatens to everyone, especially when he does it to make your female counterpart marry her -Gudao

1b. Apparently PTSD is not a viable excuse to punch someone when you see him harassing someone. Noted.

2. Just because I am a King, does not mean I can give people nicknames. Makes me wonder how Gareth felt about being called Best Boy by Merlin.

3. Eating contests are apparently not allowed, seems food shortages are common with my counterparts.

4. As it turns out, screaming "To Valhalla" is not the best idea when you step onto Iskandar's Chariot. Especially so when you are right in front of the enemy.

5. Frankenstein is not a doll, do not dress her up. No Arthur, not even if she tilts her head and makes cute growls -Gudao 5a. Okay! Only if its a sundress! -Gudao

6. Getting together four of my other counterparts and forming the Saber Rangers is not allowed, especially if we have Excalizords. Seems the other servants aren't fond of needlessly big robots that take too long to combine.

7. Motorbikes are not to be used at any point or time in Chaldea, no, not even when Iskandar decides to hold the "Chaldea Grand Prix" -Da Vinci

7a. THE SAME GOES FOR OTHER VEHICLES YOU MONGRELS, UNLIKE YOU FUCKS, SOME OF US NEED BEAUTY SLEEP AT 3 AM! -Gilgamesh

8. Just because I can use a sword, doesn't mean I am allowed to attack my Cu Chulainn with it. I swear, he walked into it.

9. Apparently I am not allowed to compliment people? Turns out after I left the beach where I hung out with a sweetie named Kiyohime, along with master, Kiyohime attempted to burn someone alive because I said that master looked like a dashing man. I highly doubt she did.

9a. The smell is still stuck to my trunks Arthur -Gudao

10. My liege... My OTHER liege, please don't ever get Red Saber to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" again when I am about to utilize Galatine -Gawain

11. We know you are fascinated in other cultures, but please. Stop talking to the Servants of France about Sasaki Kojirou, we don't know if you made up his nickname, but he is not the "Savior of France" - Jeanne D'Arc

12. I would suggest that you stop entering the Camelot Room by screaming "Where is my love! Guinevere!", while it as funny once or twice, I can't stand to see either Lancelots' become depressed anymore -Arturia Altria

13. No offense... But please stop patting my head so much, I know you are basically my Uncle, but people are getting the wrong idea -Mashu

14. While Proto League is an acceptable nickname for the servants of your war, please don't ever enter a fight and scream it out again. We know you enjoy it, but it can get obnoxious after a while - Random Mob 1

15. Proving that I am male by either fighting or pantsing myself is no longer allowed after Heracles decided to do the same thing when a recently summoned Shakespeare made him question his own gender -Da Vinci

15a. Having the entire male team to pants themselves in front of the enemy is not a viable tactic against Archers, no matter what you watched beforehand and despite how fun it is -Robinhood

16. Just because Merlin suggested it, I shouldn't instantly do it. Its odd, almost like no one trusts Merlin, he seems just like my one.

17. "I saw a pest" is not a viable reason to drop a Corrupted Grail into the Babylon Room, we understand your dislike towards the King of Heroes, but Ishtar and Ereshkigal were caught up in the rage.

17a. "I was bored" is not a viable excuse to kiss a female servant while under the effects of Merlin's illusionary spell, Gudao has yet to leave his... specially enduced Coma.

17b. "I saw this scene-" is not a viable reason to go to a prior singularity and ask Muramasa to create a specific weapon, it is time wasting, no matter how strong the weapon is.

18. Suggesting to Rayshift to the point before someone dies is not a good idea, no matter how much fun it is for you to watch the "Crazy Murder Loli" die.

18a. Getting Fou'd is not a good reason to Rayshift back to your fight against Beast VI just so you can "Finish the Fucker Off".

19. Using a voice manipulator made by Merlin is not a good way to get people to be afraid when you shout a noble phantasm.

19a. Shouting "Stella" is not allowed, Arash prematurely shot off his Noble Phantasm while training and now we have to resummon him.

20. Just because we have a Simulation Room, does not mean I can alter the device to allow me to see someone from the past.

20a. We know you miss her, we do too. If you want to speak, you can come talk to us -Proto League

21. Trying to host an "Engry MIYA" talk between Nameless and Alter is not a good idea, just... Don't.

22. While having a Picnic is fun, please don't host them in the middle of a fight.

23. Just because a rabbit killed Gawain in a movie, does not mean you can threaten to cook Fou alive.

24. We know you love kids but come on, you can't just take Nursery Rhyme and Jack out to "Play Fetch" with the Dragons in France every after-noon.

25. Blaming someone that isn't even a servant isn't a viable way to shift blame.

26. I've been banned from the Kitchen, apparently forcing my way in and cooking the meals before Nameless is not a good idea. He looked ready to cry.

26a. Turns out mentioning the fact that Muramasa was far more willing to let me into his kitchen when I visited him was not a good idea. I don't think Nameless likes me much.

26b. "Just because I have the alcohol" is not a good excuse to get a few of the servants including Mashu drunk at dinner.

27. Just because you technically existed before Back to the Future 1 and 2, does not mean you can threaten to sue the creator, even if you can go back in time freely.

28. NO, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, NOT EVEN IF KIYOHIME ASKS NICELY, WE SHALL NEVER REPEAT THE EVENTS OF YESTERDAY AGAIN.

29. "Look what I found" is a sentence that I am never allowed to speak when I am holding something bigger than my head or smaller than my hands.

30. Turns out that breaking my own arm is not the best way to get Nightingale to calm down. Never thought Merlin would be wrong.

31. "Sure you can touch my Excalibur" is not the best way to differentiate between Arturia's Excalibur and my own when someone asks to hold it.

31a. "But mine is bigger" is not a good response when Arturia talks about how easy her seals are to remove from her Noble Phantasm, nor is it alright to use when talking about when how she made Mordred.

32. Stealing Gilgamesh's potion of youth and putting it in the Soup that EVERYONE ended up eating is the easiest way to have myself barred from missions for a week.

33. Just because people are afraid of it, doesn't mean you should hug it. Not even if Merlin says to.

34. Just because someone stole your food, does not mean you should "Call in a favor" and have Elizabeth sing until someone gives up who stole it

34a. Update: The above applies to Nero as well.

35. Just because I have an innate fear of the Lancer version of my female counterpart, does not mean I can steal her horse and run away because of that fear.

36. Making King Hassan say "Omae wa mou shindeiru" is not allowed, especially if you reply with "I'm already dead" just to mess with him.

37. You are fond of Mordred, we understand. But please stop teasing her. Calling her cute will be her death - KotR

38. We understand that being locked in a single room with Nobunaga can be hard, but saying it was like prison is not fair.

38a. Quoting an abridged anime is not allowed, especially if it has "Sluts" and "Prison" in the same sentence, we still don't know where you got that swim team outfit.

38b. Making a mini Excalibur and saying "Blade of Promised Prison Riots! SHANKCALIBUR" is not allowed at all, Edmond almost had a heart attack.

38c. It is noted that the Arthur and Nobunaga were almost forced to kiss, but utilizing time manipulation to see Romani's death and threaten him with "Spoilers" is not allowed.

39. Just because Merlin asked, does not mean you should dress up as a "Cutesy Idol" and perform a song with a voice changer on in front of a camera for his "Magi*Mari" stream, Romani has yet to heal from that wound.

40. Looking Mordred in the eye and saying "Mordred, I am your father" is not allowed, especially when you have her surrounded by all the versions of her "Father", even the ones that just look like "Him".

41. "I solomly swear I am up to no good" is not what you say while standing behind the Director in the Lost Room, she died once already, we don't need her worrying about what you will do.

41a. "Remember that time you became a Loli" is not to be said around Olga Marie after what happened after she was... Killed.

42. Quoting Kamina from Gurren Lagann is banned, especially after everyone believed you were actually erased from the throne. Only to find you a month later taking off an invisibilty cloak and sneaking into the mens bathrooms to shave.

43. Anime is fun to watch, but please. Stop trying to explain why a certain character would be within the Throne of Heroes.

43a. Stop. Asking. When. I. Will. Summon. ISSEI HYOUDOU! -Gudao

43b. BOOSTED GEAR SCALE MAIL! -Arthur

43c. BOOSTO? -Siegfried

44. Valentines is a wonderful thing, we get it. But making everyone in Chaldea chocolate by going around and hunting in various areas is not needed, we have too much already.

45. Stop Rickrolling, that was so early 2000s, get with the golden times old man -Kintoki

45a. EX-

46. Commenting on the impractical armors of the female knights that walk around is not needed, we have gotten complaints about how they feel harassed -Staff Member

46a. I just wanted to help out... -Arthur

47. I am not to sing anything ever again, the reason isn't because I am bad, no. Everyone agrees I am quite good. But its the genre I sing coupled with my Charisma rank. Seems love songs should not be sung. How sad.

48. Just because I have cat ears, does not mean you should give me Catnip - Atalanta

48a. The same was repeated for Alter.

48b. Along with Tamamo Berserker.

49. "Merlin told me to do it" is no longer an excuse that is accepted, even if he did make you do it.

50. LITERALLY ALL THE THINGS ON THIS LIST ARE BECAUSE OF MERLIN, STOP LISTENING TO HIM.

51. I'm only responsible for a quarter of these, stop blaming me for your troubles, Normies -Merlin

Kiyohime asks Arthur what to do to catch Gudao's attention. Arthur tells her to turn into his most cherished person. She turns into Gudako and tries to force Gudao into sex.

[hoboal87]

Drabble Challenge

Hey y'all!

Here's a bunch of drabble/one shot prompts! Feel free to use!

Angst

1. I just want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.

2. Stop being a fucking dick

3. I’m only important when you need something from me!

4. Maybe we weren’t meant to be

5. Please don’t walk out of that door

6. How could you ask me that?

7. I won’t let anyone hurt you, you’re safe with me.

8. Holding everything in doesn’t help you know?

9. You don’t get to say anything to me.

10. Don’t you think you’ve done enough?

11. I can’t sleep, you’ve been gone too long.

12. You broke my heart and all you can say is sorry?

13. Because I love you, you asshole!

14. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore

15. Walk out that door and we’re through

16. I hate how much I love you

17. You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!

18. If you cared about me, you wouldn’t do this.

19. I tried to move on, but nobody is you.

20. Do you want me to leave?

21. I shouldn’t be in love with you.

22. Let me forward your call to someone who gives a fuck.

23. All I wanted was a happy ending.

24. I’m sorry if this upsets you, but I’m going to marry her/him.

25. I’m tired of being your secret

26. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that

27. You can’t protect me!

28. You shouldn’t have even been there!

29. I’m not going to sit and watch you destroy yourself

30. Just for once, I want to be someone’s first choice!

31. You know what sucks? Being the one who always cares more.

Smut:

1. You don’t know what you do to me, do you?

2. Damn you are so hot when you’re mad

3. You’re mine, and I don’t share

4. Don’t tempt me

5. Would you just shut up and kiss me already?

6. If you keep doing that, I’m not responsible for what happens next

7. I can’t wait to tear that right off you.

8. I haven’t even touched you and you’re already this wet?

9. I love the way you look with my fingers inside you

10. Bite your lip one more time, I dare you

11. “God I love your hands.” “Let’s put them to good use then.”

12. I know what I want, when I want it. So get over here.

13. You’re acting like this is your first threesome

14. “Bite me.” “If you insist.”

15. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me

16. Stop being so hot please, I’m trying to get my work done

17. I’m sorry I keep staring, but you’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life and I don’t know what to do about it.

18. Are you going to eye fuck me all night, or are you going to do something about it?

19. I saw you staring at each other, I just wasn’t sure if it was sexual tension or murderous rage.

20. I’ve never wanted anyone to fuck me this badly

21. I didn’t know you were so sensitive

22. If I have to stop what I’m doing, you won’t be able to walk for the next week

23. “Suck my dick.” “Is that a threat or an invitation.”

24. Wanna see what I’m wearing underneath all this?

Fluff/Generic:

1. I look t them and it’s like when the Grinch’s heart grows three sizes

2. I feel sick, so anxious and sick like my heart is trying to beat its way out of my chest

3. I thought you said no more dangerous stunts

4. I already regret this

5. You make me feel safe

6. You’ve shown me what love can feel like

7. I don’t care what anyone else thinks

8. I’m going to marry you one day

9. Somehow, I always seem to end up here…with you

10. Am I dreaming? Or did you just smile at me?

11. Do you think it’s possible to die of boredom?

12. Can you shut up for once in your life?!

13. Are we on a date right now?

14. How is my wife more badass than me?

15. Welcome back, now fucking help me.

16. Get over here you doof!

17. My heart tells me to kiss you but my head says walk away

18. Wanna drink wine and trash talk our coworkers?

19. This is the opposite of what I told you to do.

20. I’m yours, in every way you’ll have me.

21. I love you. I just love her more

22. This is, by far, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.

23. When I picture myself happy…I’m with you

24. I may be an idiot, but I’m your idiot

25. Why date when you can spend the night with me watching shitty tv, drinking?

26. “Is that blood?” “…no…?”

27. I just wanna lay in your arms for the rest of my life

28. I can’t explain right now, but I need you to trust me.

29. “Stomach bug?” “No, morning sickness.”

30. Do you know how beautiful you are? It’s truly distracting.

31. It’s blood, not nuclear waste, chill out.

32. The skirt is supposed to be this short.

33. Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?

34. I thought it was a one night stand…and now we’re married

35. I’m your husband/wife, it’s my job

36. You’re cute when you’re all worried

37. When were you going to tell me?

[homeformyheart]

the perfect gift (part 1) - noah harris x mc (mtfl)

author’s note: the idea of noah of hearing how proud his dad is of him and how important emma is to him just came to me randomly in the car and it’s the fastest fic i’ve ever written (~5 hours)! this is considered a sequel/follow-up to first choice and takes place about 3 years after. noah’s roommate “sean” is “sean gayle” from endless summer 😊.

copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. series/pairing: my two first loves - noah harris x mc (emma price) rating/warnings: 18+; swearing, descriptions of drinking, smoking; smut will come in part 2 word count: 3k based on/prompt: gift for day 14 of choices september challenge summary: emma spent months carefully planning noah’s 21st birthday gift and drove up to surprise him at hartfeld for the weekend, but things go south after a big fight makes them both reevaluate their relationship after three years together. 

read first choice to learn how they got together in the first place.

the perfect gift (part 1)

emma locked the car, put the keys in the ignition, and turned on the radio. she rested her forehead on her hands that were gripping the steering wheel as the fight replayed itself in her mind and she heard noah’s hurtful words on repeat. she closed her eyes and let the tears fall, her body shaking with sobs.

emma walked down the hallway toward her boyfriend’s apartment with a spring in her step, a large package hidden in a shopping bag swinging with each step. it was the last suite on the floor but even halfway there she could hear loud music blasting from inside. she wasn’t aware they were having a party, but she figured she would still be able to surprise noah for his birthday. she spent months putting together the perfect gift for him and was excited to give it to him. she felt a slight twinge of guilt for lying to him about not being able to visit this weekend and blowing off his texts and phone calls today but only so she didn’t accidentally let her plans slip.

she knocked on the door and one of his roommates greeted her before pointing toward the balcony. the apartment was packed and already reeked of both beer and fruit juice, half full cans and empty plastic cups littered almost every available surface, including the beer pong table set up near the balcony. she used the key noah gave her at the beginning of the year to drop off the shopping bag with his present in his room, locking the door behind her before going to find him. he was standing over the railing with his back to the balcony door, but emma easily recognized the leather jacket and bounced excitedly over.

she stood on her tiptoes to put her hands over his eyes and said excitedly, “guess who?”

instead of guessing, noah pulled her hands down and turned around. “you didn’t tell me you were coming. i thought you were busy today,” he said, his voice neutral and his face stoic.

“i wanted to surprise you for your birthday! come on, don’t look too happy to see me,” she teased, nudging him playfully.

noah didn’t even smile. the excitement emma felt up to that point quickly changed to a combination of dread and worry. “what’s wrong, babe?”

“i thought you had better things to do than spend your weekends driving 8 hours roundtrip to spend a day and a half here? you shouldn’t have come,” he said, looking away and chugging down the rest of the beer in his hand.

emma finally noticed how dilated his pupils were and the smell of beer and whiskey radiating off him. noah never got this drunk, especially before they had a chance to talk on the phone to say goodnight. she couldn’t help but wonder if he got drunk because she blew him off today after telling him she wouldn’t be visiting.

“i thought you’d be happy to see me. you know the best parts of my week are when i get to spend time with you. i was hoping to surprise you for birthday and I have the most amazing gift for you!” emma said carefully, trying to keep the mood light.

noah didn’t respond right away, taking out a cigarette and lighting it first. emma frowned; noah knew she hated it when he smoked and he had promised her he wouldn’t make a habit of it and that he wouldn’t smoke in front of her. something was definitely wrong.

she crossed her arms over her chest. “what is going on with you?”

“you want to know what’s going on? here’s what’s going on – you’re wasting your time with me. there is no point in being in a long-distance relationship where we see each other once or twice a month if we’re lucky and we’re both pursuing potential careers that will make it so we see each other even less,” noah spat out angrily, turning away to take a long drag of his cigarette before continuing.

“what kind of loser spends their time in college driving 400 miles roundtrip to spend time with a deadbeat? you should be making friends and having the time of your life, maybe even dating someone who can better provide for you. you deserve so much more. why are you wasting your time with me?” noah turned back toward her, his eyes blazing with anger.

tears started to fill emma’s eyes. she had no idea what triggered noah’s outburst but knew she couldn’t have a rational conversation with him while he was drunk. “i’ve never felt like i was wasting my time with you. every moment we have makes me so happy i feel like i must be dreaming! i don’t know what is really bothering you that you’re lashing out like this, noah, but you’re drunk. let’s go to bed and talk tomorrow when you’re sober.”

“no, emma,” noah took a final drag and threw the cigarette on the floor, putting it out with his foot. “i don’t think we should talk tomorrow. i think you should go back. i’m sorry you wasted your time driving down here.”

emma watched the sparks disappear from the cigarette before responding, her voice barely louder than the noise from the party inside, “you don’t mean that. if i leave, you’re telling me our three-year relationship is over.”

she gave him a longing look, willing him to apologize and take back what he said. he looked back at her and emma saw only a glimpse of the sweet and sensitive noah she fell in love with three years ago. the noah in front of her looked at her with a broken and haunted look in his eyes. a split-second later, his gaze hardened and he shrugged.

emma had made her way out of the apartment as fast as she could and ran to her car. she was still sobbing uncontrollably 20 minutes later but at least her body wasn’t shaking as much. she was wracking her brain, thinking back to the last few months to see if she could figure out where and when things went wrong. they did feel a bit more distant as football, midterms, and applying for internships kept them preoccupied but emma didn’t think it was a problem; they were still able to see each other at least once a month and they talked daily. they had similar fights and conversations during freshman and sophomore year, when insecurities about making a long-distance relationship work and trusting each other were more prominent. but after making it through all that, emma thought they were stronger than ever.

she grabbed tissues from her glovebox and cleaned herself up. she leaned back against the seat, closed her eyes, and tried to take deep breaths to calm herself down. everything he had said felt like a dagger to her heart but what hurt the most was the way he exploded at her. he was always really good about bringing up his insecurities about their long-distance relationship and his concern for the toll it might take on her in a productive way. they agreed they wouldn’t push each other away but talk through any problems calmly like adults. and he did the exact opposite.

it was already late when she arrived at hartfeld and it would be really late by the time she got back to her own dorm. but going back to noah’s apartment was out of the question. she debated whether she should stay in the parking lot a little longer on the off chance that noah would come to his senses and come after her, however small a chance that was. she was rational enough to know that it likely wouldn’t happen given how drunk he was, and the later she stayed, the more tired and emotional she would be during the drive back, and she didn’t want to risk getting into an accident. she took one last look at the lack of new messages on her phone, lingering on the photo of her and noah at the beach as her wallpaper before turning the key in the ignition.

* * * * * noah groaned at the bright sunlight streaming through the window of his room. his head was pounding and his body felt like he had lost a boxing match outdoors in 90-degree heat. he struggled to open his eyes and immediately regretted it when the sunlight nearly blinded him and seemed to amplify his headache. he couldn’t remember the last time he had been this hungover. certainly not since before he and emma became serious. oh god, emma.

he bolted upright in his bed, wincing at the sharp pain in his head and tried to rapidly blink away the dizziness he felt. he chugged the pedialyte and took the ibuprofen that was on his bedside table and forced himself to look around the room for his phone. the battery was dead. just great, he thought, plugging it quickly into the charger. he slowly stood up, trying to keep his nausea at bay, and grabbed his shower caddy. it surprised him how handy it was, especially considering he shared a bathroom with two other people, and couldn’t help but smile as he remembered how cute emma was when she was explaining why it was important for him to have his own caddy while they were picking out things he’d need for the apartment at uskea before school started.

he could feel the ibuprofen working to alleviate some of his headache, but knew he’d need to eat something too. noah stood still under the shower, letting the hot water run over his hair and face and down his body for a few minutes, trying to collect his thoughts and remember the events from last night. bits and pieces kept coming back to him while he got dressed and made himself a sandwich but he still wasn’t sure if what he remembered had actually happened or if he was replaying the “what if” scenarios about why it felt like emma was distancing herself from him. these scenarios had been going through his mind before the party and was the primary driver for how drunk he got.

“look who’s finally up after his crazy birthday rager! happy birthday! how you feelin’ man?” his roommate and football teammate sean came over and gave him a hard slap on the back.

noah flinched and swallowed before answering, “like crap. i’d forgotten what it felt like to be hungover.”

“i’m sure emma’ll take good care of you. is she up yet?” sean asked, turning away to set up the coffee maker.

noah felt his stomach drop. “emma? she told me she couldn’t come this weekend, too much stuff to do,” he replied apprehensively. please let it just have been a dream, he begged inwardly as he held his breath waiting for sean’s reaction.

sean gave him a quizzical look. “she was definitely here last night. i let her into the apartment and told her where you were hanging out on the balcony. she even had a present with her. maybe she stepped out before you woke up?”

that meant the nightmare fight he had with emma wasn’t a dream. shit. he heard her voice in his head say, “if i leave, you’re telling me our three-year relationship is over” and everything came flooding back to him. “no, no, no, crap! i think i fucked up last night. i need to call her.”

noah closed the door to his room behind him and picked up his phone. he saw that he had a single, new text message from emma timestamped at 1pm, two hours before he got up:

[emma: happy birthday]

his thumb hovered over the picture of her smiling face he used as her contact photo in his phone. maybe i’m misremembering, maybe if i explain i was so drunk i don’t even remember what i said she’ll forgive me. he dialed her number and held his breath as he waited for the familiar dialing sound to start, but it didn’t. instead he heard her automated voicemail and hung up. he tried to send a text but it was clear that she had blocked his number. he put his head in his hands and let the tears he felt prickling behind his eyes fall silently. what have i done?

after a few minutes, he wiped his tears and looked around his room. he saw what was probably the present sean mentioned and picked it up off the floor. the box was at least as wide as his laptop and maybe just as heavy, wrapped perfectly in bright pink, sparkly wrapping paper. noah chuckled softly; emma always did like trying to embarrass him. he unwrapped the paper carefully, folding it neatly and tucking it away in his bedside drawer before opening the box to reveal a beautiful leather-bound scrapbook, a card, and an envelope. he picked up the envelope first, since it seemed out of place, carefully cutting through the seal on the envelope and unfolding the letter inside.

[dear emma,

i’m sorry for the delay in writing back to you. thank you for the beautiful scrapbook you sent. i was so overwhelmed and grateful to you for reaching out and ashamed that i wasn’t enough of a man to write to my own son. not a day goes by that i don’t think about him and his siblings and it’s wonderful to see and hear about how well he’s doing. it’s clear that you care very much for him and that he must be someone special to you.

please tell him how proud i am of the man he’s become. despite having a deadbeat father who can’t hold down a job and needs alcohol to numb the pain, noah has really done well for himself. i am so proud of him – seeing those photos of him playing football in high school and college and those of the two of you together made me really happy.

one day i hope to be worthy to be in his life again, but until then, thank you again for bringing joy back into my life and showing me what a wonderful man my son has become. if it isn’t too much trouble, i have also included a photo that i would like you to give to him – it’s one of my favorite memories of him as a kid. i hope he treats you as the treasure you are and keeps you close. it’s special and rare to have that kind of love and support in your life and you both mustn’t take it for granted.

i move frequently due to work so please do not send anything else to this address.]

it was signed with his father’s signature. noah blinked rapidly a few times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. even though the letter was addressed to emma, noah understood the message was intended for him. he pulled the photo out of the envelope and his eyes widened with recognition. his dad had taken him to a boxing gym and taught him how to wrap his hands and the photo was of them sparring after. given how harsh his dad was when he was a kid, noah was surprised that he would hold on to a photo like this. he opened the card next.

[hiiii babe~

noah traced her familiar handwriting with his finger. emma drew little hearts instead of the dot on top of the letter “i”; it was a habit she kept since high school for when she wrote him letters and notes after he told her once that he thought it was cute.

i can’t believe you’re turning 21! you’re practically an old man 😉 kidding! not a day goes by where i don’t miss your sexy, brooding face and your cute butt. your personality too, I guess ;P. i hope you get everything you wanted today because you deserve all of it and more! you’re the best boyfriend a girl could ask for (and even after 3 years together, i still can’t believe i’m your first choice) and i can’t wait to celebrate with you!

i love you with all my heart <3

your first choice, emma

p.s. there are two parts to your present! the first is a scrapbook with photos of my favorite memories of us and the second is a letter i got from your dad (please don’t be mad). it took me a while to track him down, but i did and sent a similar scrapbook to him too. i wasn’t sure if he would respond to me, but he did and i wanted to share what he said with you.

p.p.s. i love you!]

noah froze and re-read emma’s card. she sent her dad a scrapbook? to say he was stunned was an understatement. he wasn’t sure how to feel about hearing from his dad for the first time in over a decade but he definitely wouldn’t have been mad at emma. in fact, he felt the opposite – overwhelmed with love for the amazing woman whose kind and honest heart continued to surprise him even after three years together.

he opened the scrapbook and found page after page of pictures emma had taken throughout their relationship, with handwritten captions and little sticker notes all over the pages. he felt a lump form in his throat and his eyes sting as he looked at the photos of her smiling face and the selfies they had taken on various dates. how could he have pushed her away like that last night? he quickly repacked the box and put it inside his backpack, which always had a weekends’ worth of essentials. he grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone before heading out to where his motorcycle was parked. he still felt like crap but it didn’t matter, he needed to apologize in person and prove to emma that she was still his first choice. he only hoped she would be able to forgive him.

* * * * * mentions: @khoicesbyk​; @nyastarlight​; @chetachisblog;  @robintora; @shows-simp-card; @brycesgirl;

[helltalia-inc]

RULES + LIST OF CHALLENGES

RULES 

1. Pick a challenge from the List of Challenges;

2. Create whatever you want, as you want;

3. Use the tag #helltalia-inc and @ with the name of the page;

4. And don’t forget to have fun!

Not that hard, right?

 More info:

· There are no language barriers here, so feel free to use the language that you feel the most comfortable to express yourself;

· Bad behavior will not be tolerated;

· Feel free to use any characters and any ships;

· Take attention to tag your ships, any warming or triggering content;

· And for the last, but not least… support the “CONTENT CREATORS”!

 LIST OF CHALLENGES

(This list will be updated occasionally. Feel free to search for the number of the challenges, for example like #1, or #20, I made sure to tag every work with the number of the challenge. So, if you want to see the works related to each challenge, you just have to search in the page by the number. And, of course, feel free to use the challenges to inspire your future works.)

 1. Favorite Character

2. Egg Themed

3. Books + Favorite Trio

4. Your living country + his national flower

5. Crossing the line with the Star Wars Universe

6. Pajama Party + Female Characters Only

7. Revenge the Hetavision

8. Wedding dress

9. Child’s Day

10. Recycle, Reduce, Reutilize

11. Nordics appreciation challenge

12. LGBT Respect Day

13. “If you meant it, kiss me”

(Just to record it: starting from here, it was added as option, the “challenge quote”) 

14. National Animal + The Country where you live / “No matter where I go, my heart will always be yours”

15. Healthy Food Habits/ “But loving you had consequences”

16. World Day of Friendship/ “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone had good taste.”

17. REVENGE FIFATALIA/ “I’m so sick of lying. I have to tell you…”

18. ROCK IN HETALIA / “the music is the language of feelings”

19. Stuck on a desert island/ “I’m so sorry I kissed you, my mouth just slipped”  

20. ICE CREAM AND WATERMELON/ ”I wouldn’t do that if I were you”  

21. Pirate and Mermaids AU/ “That’s the summer when we first met”  

22. Aquarium park / “It is easier to pretend we are strong; it is much harder to admit we are weak; a true friend, by loving every part of us, teaches us to love our weaknesses”

23. Crossover with one of your favorite movies / “The two of us, we’re the best kind of disaster. Apples and oranges. Well, more like apples and machetes.”

24. Alice in the Wonderland AU / “I really did think you were cute when you were jealous.”

25. Improvised Olympic Games out of Season/ “I’d find you whenever you were.”

26. Ancients Countries Appreciation Challenge / “Chaos isn’t meant to be understood”

27. University AU / “Never say “Goodbye””

28. Color’ (or body or personality) swap / “Puns are the highest form of literature.”

29. Crossover with Sesame Street or The Muppets / “I’ve missed you. But it seems like you’re not happy to see me.”

30. Alter Ego AU / “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have even come here tonight.”

31. Your favorite writer + his respective nation / “I wanted to end the world, but I’ll settle for ending yours.”

32. Candle in the dark / “I’m pregnant”

33. Orchestra AU / “You can run, but you can’t escape”

34. Trapped in a maze / “Can you keep a secret?”

35. Wingtalia / “Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off”

36. Space, stars, moon / “You’re better than you think.”

37. Villain AU / “I don’t want to sleep alone today. Will you sleep with me?”

38. African nations / “You promised that we would always be together… now, how I’m supposed to live without you?”

39. Love potion / "We didn't realize we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun"

40. Treasure hunt / “The only thing you’re good at is fake crying”

41. Asian nations / “You can see me?”

42. National desert / “Nice try. Better luck next time”

43. Death note AU / “How long will you keep me waiting?”

44. Kabedon / “What is your problem?”  

45. Siblings / “Don’t just say nice things, give me advice.”

46. The 7 deadly sins / “Take that stupid grin off your face”

47. Reincarnation AU / “We have only one chance at life. And I want to live a life with no regrets.”

48. Autumn / “You said I could do whatever I wanted.”

49. Red apple / “I want to crush anyone who dares to touch you. I want to hide you, monopolize you.”

50. Hot chocolate / “It’s too late now.”

51. Tarot Cards / “Take your hands off of me.”

52. Summon Demons /”Have I done something wrong?”

53. Ouija / “That’s the one thing I regret the most in my life.”

54. Underworld / “If you want, we could swap secrets.”

55. Supernatural creatures / “Close your eyes and listen carefully.”

56. Hunter / “Even though it isn’t a big deal now, it will be later.”

57. Shadow / “You helped me become who I am.”

58. Bloody sunset / “If you took well care of it from the beginning, then none of this would’ve happened.”

59. Ghost mansion / ”What the hell do you want from me?”

60. Mysterious box / “It’s not extreme, it’s the most effective way.”

61. Scream / “What makes you think I’ve changed?”

62. Evil laugh / “I thought I knew you better than this...”

63. Superstition / “There are times when it’s dangerous to approach something or someone when you don’t have sufficient knowledge about them.”

64. Roses / ”My understanding is that faith is something that one builds up through actions.”

65. Destiny / “I don’t want to live like that.”

66. Coincidence / “Growth always follows hardship.”

67. Broken heart / “They want me to find happiness more than anyone else.”

68. The wedding day / “You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

69. Slow dance / “It’s better to spend the rest of my lifetime alone, than being stupid and crying over someone who broke my trust.”

70. By my side / “Time flew by.”

71. Holding hands / “I gave you a chance to pretend that nothing happened.”

72. Friendzone / “I won’t run away this time.”

72. Rejection / “Sorry, I let my emotions get the best of me.”

73. Forever alone / “If they’re your friends, they’ll understand and be happy for you. Just like how you were for them.”

74. BDSM / “Whatever you choose, I’ll respect your decision.”

75. Dirty talking / “You’re just taking advantage of the people around you.”

76. Love letter / “Money and Status... you’re nothing without those things.”

77. First love / “Seeing you happy means the world to me.”

78. First time / “Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest, it’s about who came and never left.”

79. Crush / “I’m in a threesome with anxiety and depression.”

80. Decorations / “Just fantasizing about it isn’t enough for me.”

81. Presents / “You just have to work hard to turn it into a reality.”

82. Traditions / “Anger cannot be dishonest.”

83. Family Dinner / “Relationships are like glass, sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than trying to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

84. Friends / “I’m glad I at least left an impression on you. Though apparently, it’s a negative one.”

85. Figure skating / “The mirror is my best friend because when I cry it doesn’t laugh.”

86. Snowboard / “The saddest people have the brightest smile.”

87. Ski / “I don’t think we wasted a single second.”

88. Hockey / “I wish I knew I was in the good old days before they became the good old days.”

89. Snow globe / “Those who are already dead don’t care about those who are still alive.”

90. Acts of kindness / “People only listen and believe in what they think is entertaining.”

91. Aurora Borealis / “If this is for the best.”

92. Church bell / “The more envy you show, the worse you look.”

93. The little match girl / “Whatever you do, I’ll never be disappointed in you.”

94. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star / “When people brag so openly about their past, if often means, that they have nothing to brag about now.”

95. Heart made of ice / “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

96. Message on a bottle / “I never truly fell in love with anyone.”

97. Bubbles / “This is all very suspicious... extremely suspicious.”

98. End of the world / “I was afraid kindness would make me weak.”

99. Halloween dolls / “No hard feelings but I hate you.”

100. Redemption / “I should apologize for this. But I won’t.”

101. Femme fatale / “Do you think you can handle it?”

102. (more challenges will be added eventually. If you want, send your challenge’ suggestions to the Ask Box)

 Note: Most of the quotes aren’t mine and have no source.

[rayneul]

Ray Route Bad Ending 3 Guide

(donʼt/never answer messages it give good heart so i suggest dont answer it :))

Day 9 (100%)

01:29 – Don’t you want to try this?

Selection 1 I’m too hungry to sleep…

Selection 2 I want it….

Selection 3 Please don’t throw me away….

Selection 4 I want to say here as long as I can….

Selection 5 …I think this is the only place that will accept me.

Selection 6 Then you’d be able to show how strong you are.

Selection 7 Doesn’t matter… As long as someone recognizes that I’m useful.

Selection 8 Now I don’t miss Ray anymore.

 Story Mode – TOO MUCH EDGE

- You’re not Ray.

- (Do as he says.)

- Ray…!?

- What’s wrong?

- Ray, why did you leave me alone?

- Don’t run away! Save me! I’m the one in pain!

- This is too painful…

- Then is Saeran the real you?

 Ray Calling

- I don’t need you Ray, put Saeran on the phone.

- How can you guarantee that I’ll be safe even if I leave now?

- Saeran, are you back?

03:37 – What have you done to me?

Selection 1 Saeran…

Selection 2 You’re right, Saeran….

Selection 3 I think you’re right… Don’t let Ray beat you.

Selection 4 You’re right. More than anyone else…

Selection 5 Please don’t throw me away!

06:18 – Self inflicted

Selection 1 I didn’t ream to bring back Ray! It’s not my fault.

Selection 2 That’s what I did!

Selection 3 can’t you give me a chance?

Selection 4 But without me, who will serve as the weak for Saeran…?

Selection 5 Can’t you give me one last chance…?

Selection 6 Wait….

 Story Mode – And the award for flimsy excuses so it’s not his fault is…

- (Door Opened)

- Who are you!?

- Why have you come? You can’t even rescue me.

- I won’t be able to survive…

- What…?

- I already knew Rika is the savior.

- Was that really the best?

- Protecting Saeran was your duty?

- How come? Is there something wrong?

- Wait…are you talking about the prime minister?

- What!?

- I will be able to get out of this place alive, won’t I?

 V Calling

- Please save me…!

- Tell me about Jaehee and the intelligence unit.

- If you’re doing it for me, do something about Saeran!

09:11 – Now Alone

Selection 1 Saeran, please don’t throw me away!

Selection 2 It was V.

Selection 3 Once I’m cleansed, can I stay here?

Selection 4 She’s probably afraid that you’ll start to fall apart again if you see me there…. (Ray)

Selection 5 You’re right… I want to be strong too…

Selection 6 I think you’re right! Please believe in me!

Selection 7 I’m lonely….

Selection 8 I want to see you one last time…

Selection 9 Please come see me right now…

Selection 10 I’m sorry… I’ll try to be more entertaining.

 Saeran Calling

- I thought I heard your voice… Is that what you’re talking about?

- The reason why you can’t come in here is because of savior’s order, isn’t it?

12:16 – Don’t Need You Anymore

Selection 1 What’s going to happen tonight?

Selection 2 Please let me stay here…

Selection 3 Then I might still be useful…!

Selection 4 It’s not useless.

Selection 5 Don’t tag me to that man in comparison…!

Selection 6 Then what’s your definition of true love? (Nothing)

Selection 7 I agree… Not all people deserve love.

Selection 8 I’m sure I’l still useful…!

 Rika Calling

- Wouldn’t I be able to change from now on?

- I have nowhere to go…

14:31 – How Does It Feel?

Selection 1 I miss you…

Selection 2 …Even the ceremony would be as sad as watching you.

Selection 3 Why won’t she let you see me…??

Selection 4 I’m so honored…. I want to stay your toy.

Selection 5 I want to stay with you and you only….

Selection 6 But you’re already strong… No one can hurt you.

Selection 7 I prefer you than Ray.

Selection 8 That’s not all… He was so frustrating.

Selection 9 That’s why he was no longer needed.

Selection 10 That’s right! You’re strong!

Selection 11 No! Please stay here, Saeran!

Selection 12 I know that. So please come see me…

Game Branch

16:56 – Get Right Into It!

Selection 1 What’s going on? (Nothing)

Selection 2 For eternal paradise!

Selection 3 So Mint Eye’s victory is near.

Selection 4 He’s right! We should get the RFA right now!

Selection 5 I’ll greatly appreciate it if you could postpone the ceremony…! (Ray)

Selection 6 I can be more faithful to the Mint Eye!

Selection 7 Could you please give me that elixir too…?

Selection 8 Please talk to her some more!

Selection 9 Please save me. I want to stay here!

Story Mode – Are you done being a ball of teenage rage yet?

- Are you here to see me?

- You’re right. They shouldn’t be the one to do this.

- …

- It’s painful….

- That’s right. You’re strong

- Don’t kill me. Let me live. So that you can feel secure.

 707 Calling

- Seven! It’s me! [name!]

17:59 – It’s not too late

Selection 1 I’ll find him and send him back to you!

Selection 2 I’m sorry… This is all my fault… I’ll do what I can.

Selection 3 I didn’t want to manipulate him… I was only trying to help him.

Selection 4 It’d be an honor.

Selection 5 You mean giving live only to strong an useful people? I agree with your method.

Selection 6 You’re going to take care of him until the end? That’s so noble of you, my savior.

Selection 7 Unconditional love is reserved for people who have lots of possessions, lots of love….

Selection 8 Now I can do whatever you want me to. Now I’ve completely understood the Mint Eye!

Selection 9 I’ll stand with you…!

Selection 10 I’m all set to go.

Selection 11 For eternal paradise…

 V Calling

- Did you tell him some other lies to him?

- You made Saeran like that, V.

- It seems it’ll be better for me to adjust here and live here.

19:47 – Empty Shell

Selection 1 I should tell the savior.

Selection 2 I think you need the elixir again…..

Selection 3 Why do you thnk this place is hell? This place will soo be a paradise!

Selection 4 You didn’t have enough faith from the beginning…

Selection 5 It’s a dangerous world out there. You know that.

Selection 6 Because I like you, as much as I like Ray…

Selection 7 Then you can’t secure your future. You’ll be scared.

Selection 8 No. If you live like that, you’ll be a loner and waste your time.

Selection 9 But you were born as a tragic human being. You don’t have a choice.

 Saeran Calling

- Saeran, you’re not having bad thoughts, are you? Are you thinking of betraying savior?

- I want to say here with savior.

- Saeran…is you’re faith becoming weak?

21:31 – An Okay Suggestion

Selection 1 This is bad. I’ll do what I can!

Selection 2 He’s confused because of the elixir’s side effects.

Selection 3 I’ll let you know right away once Saeran comes back.

Selection 4 I’ll cooperate, my savior.

Selection 5 I’ll do my best, my savior!

Selection 6 That won’t happen. Please trust me.

Selection 7 When that happens, I’ll witness it with a solemn heart.

Story Mode – The edge is no more

- Saeran…?

- I must tell the savior about this!

- For now… I want to be loyal to the savior.

- Saeran…you were cruel to me… but you did your job well. Sort of. You’re not useless.

- Is Ray really inside you, Saeran?

- Whoever you are…I hope you stay strong.

- Saeran, wait!

 Rika Calling

- I’ll make him into an outstanding warrior, beyond your imagination.

23:13 – Are You Okay?

Selection 1 Jaehee…?

Selection 2 Can you tell me what’s new so far? (Nothing)

Selection 3 Don’t tell me… Is the prosecution’s investigation not over yet? (Nothing)

Selection 4 Oh, no need to mind this place, Jaehee. Are you sure we’re not having the party?

Selection 5 Yes, I am! (Ray)

Selection 6 Long time no see.

Selection 7 Why do I have to tell you? I’m tired.

Selection 8 That’s okay. You were caring for me! (Ray)

Selection 9 Seven’s absent? (707)

Selection 10 I wanna try Yoosung’s stew once I’m back!

Selection 11 No, that’s alright.

Selection 12 There you go again…..

Selection 13 What shampoo do you use?

Selection 14 I made a close call here. But now I gotte be strong too.

Selection 15 It’s fine, as long as he didn’t run off to somewhere.

Selection 16 Let’s call him and find out what he’s hiding!

Selection 17 Uh, thank you…?

Selection 18 I will survive, wherever I end up in.

Selection 19 I’m a little disappointed the party won’t be held. The guests would be disappointed.

Selection 20 You don’t get to run a giant company without gutys like his.

Selection 21 I can take care of myself. You don’t have to care about me.

Selection 22 Don’t worry.

Jaehee Calling

- You haven’t been able to defend the hacker yet?

- Maybe he’s busy working…

- It would be great if everyone can gather and look at Zen’s selfies…

- Add an extra shot.

[snowdice]

Road Trips and Missing Persons (Part 13)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Patton & Virgil, Virgil & Deceit, Logan & Patton, Emile & Remy, Roman & Remus & Janus

Characters: Patton, Virgil, Deceit, Remus, Roman, Logan, Emile, Remy

Summary: Patton was just getting groceries. The next thing he knew, there was a knife at his throat and he was an unwilling uber driver. Virgil’s on the run after the murder of his dad, and it’s not just his paranoia that’s telling him he’s being chased down. He has to get somewhere safe, somewhere he can trust, and all he has is a couple of stories from his dad and a name: “Green Bellow Foods and Dispensary.”

Notes: Secret Agents AU, knives, carjacking, kidnapping, murder mentioned, guns mentioned, pepper spray, blood mentioned, drugs mentioned, explosions (more to be added)

This is a fic I’ve been writing on study breaks that you have probably all already seen at this point. I’ve affectionately named it the Goblin Brain Fic because it’s helping my brain actually get motivated for studying. I’ve slightly edited it for wording and grammar, but not for content from my previous posts. Feel free to send in asks to direct it because I’m not 100% sure where this is going and you can help decide if you feel so inclined! You can see the process I went through to build this at this link.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 My Master Post

Remy was slumped down in his seat as Emile continued to lecture him on all the possible consequences of his actions over the past 24 hours. Jeezy creezy was Emile miffed about all of that. Remy had been trying to blow it off, but Emile was fully, painfully aware that he’d almost had lost his brother today and Remy was going to hear about it until Emile’s lungs aches.

“And another thing…” he said.

“Wait,” Remy said, and Emile did because there was a lace of panic to his tone.

“What?” Emile asked.

“The tracker stopped working,” Remy answered pushing buttons a little bit desperately on his device.

“It went completely offline somehow,” Remy said.

“Did it get turned off?” Emile asked. “Or run out of batteries?”

“It doesn’t turn off and the batteries are designed to last for years,” Remy said. “It can even track through 20 feet of water. The only way it could stop sending a signal this abruptly is if the thing was destroyed.”

Emile paused. “You said Virgil knows what the blinking light means.”

“Yes.”

“Is it possible that he knows, or well, ‘knows,’ you’re dead? Barbara did send a man after him, he could have mentioned it.”

Remy stared down at the device in his hands.

He pressed a couple of buttons and studied the screen for a moment. “You little shit,” he groaned. “You threw it out the fucking car window, didn’t you?”

“How do you know?” Emile asked.

“Because if I look at the history, it was going at 65 miles per hour down the interstate, suddenly stopped cold, and then went offline probably when another car inevitably crushed it.”

“Ah.”

“Well, at least the fucker’s probably okay. Dammit Virgil! Where are you going?” Remy pushed a few more buttons almost idly as he thought. “Let me get into Virgil’s head for a minute: emo music, dark clothes, would rather have his toenails ripped out than go to parties, makes split second decisions based on little info. Yep! Got him.”

Emile rolled his eyes, but Remy wouldn’t have noticed as he had his own eyes closed. “Hmm. So, I’m Virgil. My bitch mom killed my dad and sent someone after me. I have no idea what’s going on, but I bolt out of there because fuck mom. I want to get the hell out of dodge so I convince someone to drive me somehow, I guess, but where would I want to go? Someplace safe. Where’s safe? Maybe Emile, but obviously that’s not where he went. Or Janus, but he’s too connected to mom. I don’t really know anyone else, especially not someone who could help with this sort of stuff.”

Remy thought for another long moment. “Oops.”

“Oops?” Emile asked. “What oops?”

He could tell by the expression on Remy’s face that he was not going to like the answer. “I may have let something… slip.”

“What do you mean, Remington?”

“Um, well you see,” Remy said. “A couple of months ago Virgil was being, you know, himself: a little shit. He may have, possibly, found some papers.”

“What kind of papers?” Emile asked.

“They were nothing important!” Remy assured. “There wasn’t any dangerous info in them or anything, but…”

“But?”

“It is somewhat possible that they had the name on them.”

“How possible?” Emile asked, eyes narrowed on him.

“He asked what Green Bellow Foods was and why they needed 50 top-of-the line computers outfitted at an old factory.”

“And what did you tell him?!”

“Nothing!”

Emile glared at him.

“Okay, well I had to tell him something,” Remy mumbled. “I just kind of said that I knew the owner well and was working with him on some stuff. Then I told him not to worry about it, which was probably a mistake, because he’s Virgil. So, then I found him snooping in my car. At that point I had to sit him down and talk to him. So, I told him a bit about Logan.”

“Remy that’s not nothing!”

“I didn’t use his name or anything. I just told him a couple of really, extremely, tremendously, vague stories, so he didn’t think I owed money to the mafia. Which, yes, he did suggest.”

“That’s worse!”

“What do you want from me Emile?!”

“Some common sense!” Emile answered. “I’ve been comparing you to the rat in Ratatouille for years, but I’m starting to think you’re more of a Pinky from Pinky and the Brain.”

“Hey, ouch,” Remy replied. “Also, I personally subscribe to the theory that Pinky is actually the intelligent one who is foiling Brain’s evil plots from the inside. So, there.”

“Now is not the time,” Emile said.

“Oh, it’s not the time to discuss cartoon theories?” Remy mumbled into his lap. “Must be serious.”

“It is serious! Virgil is missing!”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” Remy snapped. “I know, Emile.”

There was quiet. Emile took a breath. “Okay,” he said, calmer. “Do you really think he’s going to Logan?”

“He’s headed somewhere,” Remy answered, “and wherever that somewhere is, it’s inexplicably down the most direct route towards base.”

“Well, Virgil is smart. I don’t think he’d just keep going so quickly without a destination in mind. We should call Logan.”

“Do you honestly believe Barbara doesn’t have your phone tapped when Virgil is missing? If you had one of Logan’s phones, I might agree with you, but as it is, we’d be giving away our position, and possibly clueing her into Virgil’s plan. If he shows up at base, Logan will take him in no question. It’s less dangerous for everyone this way.”

“Fine,” Emile said. “We’ll just keep driving towards Logan and hope you’re right about where he’s going.”

“Of course, I’m right,” Remy said lightly. “I’ve got the paternal instincts going on. Course, they didn’t stop the knife throwing incident of ’09. I blame Janus for that, though.”

Emile shook his head at him.

“It is good for when he tries to steal sweets, or that one time he brought home a baby piglet and tried to hide it from me in his bedroom. Or when he’s feeling anxious about something but won’t tell me because he thinks it’s silly.” Remy’s own fingers tapped out an anxious pattern against his knee. “It also worked with the golf cart incident, but it was too late. Again, I blame Janus. He messes with the paternal instinct meter. He’s far too unpredictable and I make the mistake of thinking he’s responsible, which he is half the time, but the other half of the time I remember that he’s still mostly a kid and one that grew up in an unstable environment. Did I tell you that last month they went and won a bunch of tickets at the arcade and used them to get those 5 ticket rubber ducks and just unloaded them all over my room? Honestly, you’d think a 21-year-old would have a better use for his money or at least have the brains to go buy them at a store. He could have gotten like 500 more ducks for the same amount of money. Of course, it was his mom’s money, so I guess I can get behind wasting it on arcade games and rubber ducks. The prank was apparently based on some comedy sketch Virgil found online.”

“You’re doing the thing again,” Emile pointed out calmly.

“Stop psych evaluating me,” he shot back.

“Fine, fine,” Emile said. “Keep distracting yourself from your emotional responses with silly stories. See if I care.”

“Thank you,” Remy replied. “I will.”

Emile sighed as he started back up again mumbling something about having taken away Virgil’s Gameboy after catching him playing it at 3 o’clock in the morning. He claimed this wasn’t because the boy hadn’t gotten any sleep on a school night, but because he’d insulted Donkey Kong to Remy’s face. After that story had run its course, Remy continued to babble at an increasingly fast pace about all sorts of things. Emile imagined most of the stories he sprouted off were quite embellished.

Emile had tried to turn on the radio once, but Remy had slapped his hand away saying, “The next one’s a really good one.” So, he had resigned himself to his fate of tuning out Remy’s coping mechanism to the best of his abilities and just focusing on driving for the next 45 minutes. Which is probably why he noticed that traffic had strangely decreased. He didn’t really pay the fact that much mind until the traffic suddenly increased… in the form of a wall of stopped cars.

“Jenkies, what’s going on?” he asked, as he came to a stop at the end of the line of cars.

“Um…” Remy said looking out of his car window. There, staring into their car with beady black eyes was a cow. As Emile watched, said cow leaned forward to drag its tongue across the passenger side window. “Shit.”

Want to read more? Click below!

Part 14

[gascon-en-exil]

Three Houses 100% Completion: Refining Those Spreadsheets

To my utter surprise, @symsykins has expressed interest in trying out my long and convoluted idea for a 100% NG+ run of FE16. Far be it from me to stifle the ambitions of a fellow completionist, but as I've made a fair number of updates to the methodology of that post in the months since I wrote it I would be remiss if I didn't publish those changes for the benefit of him or anyone else who wants to try their hand at this absurdity. Sometimes playtesting this stuff can be more entertaining than actually carrying it out....

Additional Parameters

It occurred to me that for "true" 100% completion you also need to complete those things tied to your Switch account rather than individual files. This means filling out the support log, event gallery (Goddess Tower events), and music library. Fun fact: there are exactly 29 Goddess Tower events if the same-sex ones are counted twice as the game does, so provided you plan them out ahead of time you shouldn't have to save scum to get them all.

As mentioned in the earlier post most of this is trivial to complete. The easiest way to raise support points between an active unit and a classroom unit is to have the latter serve as an adjunct during battle. They don't need to have an equipped weapon or be in a class other than noble/commoner, but just having them there will rapidly build supports. Still, it's best to plan out and stagger the number of supports your units take on each run so they're not overloaded. Cross-house supports are one of only two reasons to ever do cross-house recruiting, and they should also be staggered accordingly.

There's also the matter of building up your battalion guild. There are 127 unique battalions to obtain, discounting the Essar Research Group which requires the game's online features and a Switch Online subscription to access. Your guild can fit 200 total battalions in it, so there's ample room to acquire and max out one of each battalion as well as duplicates for the better ones. This is also the only other reason to recruit across houses: to get the three Part 2 paralogues that require it (Ferdinand/Lysithea, Linhardt/Leonie, and Caspar/Mercedes) and so unlock their associated battalions. As with recruiting for cross-house supports, you should only bother doing these once.

One-Time Renown Purchases

You can and should buy all the Renown purchases in Abyss and most of the saint statue bonuses during your first run, using the 10000 Renown bonus from CS and all incidental Renown gained during the run to do so as you can't spend it on anything else. Note that the last bonus for each statue, a boost to units' max stats, is functionally useless for the purposes of this project and so can be left for the second run - a full 10000 Renown you won't have to worry about spending right away. At any rate, however, you'll have amassed enough Renown to complete the saint statues during your second run.

On Monastery Activities

Previously I'd discounted the greenhouse as an unnecessary time sink like fishing and tea time, only to be completed when a quest is involved. However, I find that in non-CF runs you'll quickly start running out of dining hall resources in Part 2 without planting crops, which forces you into the less efficient alternative of running around and throwing gifts at your active units to max out their motivation each week. Therefore I recommend planting vegetables and fruit in the greenhouse throughout Part 1, at which point you can stop because by then you should have accumulated enough resources to cover the rest of the game. Additionally, there are certain glowing blue spots along a typical exploration run route that are guaranteed to drop fish or edible crops - at the stall in front of the fishing pond and on the stalls in the corner of the marketplace where the special merchants gather, namely - which you should check out each month.

Byleth's Level

When Byleth is not an active unit don't bother raising their level higher than 15. This is good enough to recruit all the level-dependent characters (most of the church units), and the only meaningful benefit to going up to 20 is to attempt the proper conduct tournament. However, early on Byleth is unlikely to be able to win the tournament even at 20 without an appropriate class or abilities, and the Renown and brave weapon frankly are not worth the waste of time and space in having them be an adjunct for those five extra levels. Save the tournament for runs where you're actually using Byleth.

Classroom Unit Ranks

A quick correction here. I previously said that Authority should be every character's first priority as a classroom unit, but I no longer believe this is true. With standardized class sets (see further down) it's more important that characters look ahead to the runs they'll be doing in the near future and work on skills relevant to those runs. This especially holds true for banes; a classroom unit can easily take a bane skill as high as B or even A from base over the course of a run, which will help significantly with future certification requirements. Classroom units can work on Authority, but I'd save that for those that have free availability in most or all runs like Anna and the Wolves. The regular students and to a lesser extent non-student characters that join late will want to prioritize their problem skills and build Authority mostly during combat in their active runs.

Route Distribution

I had previously suggested that CF should have the most runs to compensate for Jeritza being awful...but screw that. My current 29 run setup:

6 runs of SS

10 runs of AM

9 runs of VW

4 runs of CF

Notably, this works out to 9 or 10 runs per house which is overall more significant given the advantages in-house units enjoy. The choice to give AM an extra run over VW came down to AM having more exclusive units; VW's one extra week isn't that much of an advantage, not when the Deer lack a Part 2 exclusive and also include Lysithea. But, you ask, can you get away with running CF that little?

Playtesting suggests yes, provided those runs follow some strict parameters: five units only, with three of them being the CF exclusives and the remaining two slots covered by a rotation of the other Eagles. SS runs should precede CF runs whenever possible, to give Edelgard, Hubert, and the rest of their house more classroom time to make up for having to share runs of the shortest route in the game with Jeritza. Jeritza should always hold one of the Knowledge Gems during Part 2, with Edelgard and Hubert sharing the other. The other Eagles can lean on their active use in SS runs to make up for the deficit, and even Edelgard and Hubert can prep for their active runs or finish up skill ranks in SS. Jeritza though....

Number-Crunching Jeritza

To illustrate why I complain about Jeritza as much as I do (from a unit perspective, that is - it's been well-established why I hate him as a character), let's take a particular trouble spot of his as an example. Jeritza has an Authority bane, which means that even with Mastermind and a Knowledge Gem equipped he'll gain no more than 3 points of it during each combat encounter, or 6 if he uses a gambit (not to be relied on given how limited in use per map gambits are). He doesn't have access to any classes that boost Authority, so this is the best it gets. Starting at B Authority means it'll take him 2920 total points to reach S+. Assuming no classroom instruction (because he's got ten other skills to work on, you know) and no gambit use, that works out to him needing about 974 total combat encounters or an average of 244 encounters in each of his four runs.

Is that feasible? If you follow my method of exploring on weekends before instruction weeks and battling on other weekends (and assuming your first run is not CF which...no) there are (3 battles per weekend x 5 calendar months) + 6 chapter maps = 21 battles that Jeritza will fight. Obviously those battles vary in length, but that comes to an average of 12 combat encounters per battle. That's admittedly a bit steep, especially earlier on when few of your other units will have maxed Authority and can be used as adjuncts, but remember that gambits count as two combat encounters and that, more significantly, the other units will eventually max out Authority and allow you to field only three frontline units at a time. It does help that both Edelgard and Hubert have Authority boons, so they should be backline-ready no later than their second active run.

Unfortunately there is one little hiccup to this. CF's first calendar month consists of just one free weekend and the chapter map. As annoying as it is the journal can only be accessed while exploring, which means that on each CF run after the first you'll have to choose between skipping three battles that month or updating Jeritza's skill ranks. You should always choose to battle, because it will help out your other units (who already end up screwed out of a few battles thanks to what choosing CF does to the end of Part 1) and also allow Jeritza to start working on ranks he hadn't touched in earlier runs. The wasted Authority growth is a shame, but at least Jeritza has the base ranks to certify for any beginner class right out the gate so he can pick up a sword/lance/axe/gauntlet/Thunder and still make use of the training time. CF Chapter 13 is also unusually short and will be finished in only a few turns, so it's not a great loss either.

And all that was just for one rank! Hopefully that proves my point about Jeritza sucking, even if mercifully his class masteries and other skill ranks are less of a pain. Even faith can be worked around with bishop and holy knight offering 6 points per combat encounter, although he'll probably want to save his monk run until he can be an adjunct so he's less hobbled by his tiny spell lists.

Standardized Class Sets

Probably the part of this update I'm most proud of, as I put a lot of thought into simplifying one of the more needlessly complex elements of my original setup. Crafting individualized class sets for each character may sound fun on paper, but it's a hassle to keep track of when actually playing the game and doesn't have any substantial benefit. Characters can patch up their banes through classroom training, and furthermore class certification requires nothing higher than A which is a major reason that mastering classes is more of a rote structural element of individual runs than something that requires intricate plotting.

As such, have some standardized sets. These come in male and female versions to account for genderlock and similar considerations, and they apply to all characters except Byleth and the house leaders who have to be handled a bit differently. Noble and commoner are not listed as they're trivial to master; just make sure that non-student characters go back and do so at some point, like when they're being used as adjuncts for supports.

Below each set is a list of the skills needed to guarantee certification in all of the set's classes. This was a useful metric for determining which classes went best where.

Myrmidon

Male

Mercenary

Thief

Dancer (if available)

Hero

Swordmaster

Assassin

Trickster

Death Knight (Jeritza only)

Mortal Savant

A Swords C Axes C Bows B+ Reason B Faith

Female

Mercenary

Thief

Dancer (if available)

Swordmaster

Trickster

War Cleric

Mortal Savant

Gremory

A Swords B+ Brawling A Reason A Faith

There are a lot of sword-based classes, more so than any other weapon or magic type, and that combined with the rarity of sword banes - only Bernadetta and Mercedes - means that often even characters neutral in the skill will max out swords during the course of their myrmidon run.

This run has the distinction of being the only one to not require any of the movement type ranks, which is one reason why gremory is here. The other is that female characters have eight regular master classes as opposed to males' seven, so while when divided across four runs males get a free space here (which Jeritza takes advantage of), females do not. Unfortunately mortal savant is the only master class that proceeds naturally from all the earlier sword classes, but if you'll notice from the male set's requirements there are fairly high reason and faith requirements here even without gremory.

The other oddity is war cleric, which takes the place of assassin (see below) but stands awkwardly as female characters' only serious brawling class. The secondary faith requirement slots easily into a run that also includes trickster, but as I explained in the first post brawling is going to be a problem skill for female characters no matter what you do.

One more note: it's important to consider certain things when deciding which active units will go in which run. Myrmidon runs require the most scrutiny as this is where characters will be dancers, and of course you can only have one of those per run. These runs also require the limited availability Abyssian Exam Passes, one for males and two for females, so keep that in mind as well.

Soldier

Male

Armored Knight

Cavalier

Archer

Fortress Knight

Paladin

Sniper

Great Knight

Bow Knight

A Lances B+ Axes A Bows A Heavy Armor A Riding

Female

Cavalier

Archer

Pegasus Knight

Assassin

Paladin

Sniper

Falcon Knight

Bow Knight

B Swords A Lances A Bows A Riding B+ Flying

Here we see the major influence of genderlocked classes. Female characters have more obvious lance options thanks to the pegasus classes, whereas males have to take the heavy armor classes instead. This balances out in the fighter runs, but for now it's worth pointing out that characters will only be using lances and bows in these runs. Swords (females) or axes (males) will be trained entirely in the classroom, with females running assassin as a bow class and males running the heavy armor classes with lances. Hey, great knight does have Lancefaire, and more importantly all the classes mentioned also boost those weapon types.

Fighter

Male

Brigand

Brawler

Wyvern Rider

Warrior

Grappler

War Monk

Wyvern Lord

War Master

C Lances A Axes A Brawling C+ Faith A Flying

Female

Armored Knight

Brigand

Fortress Knight

Wyvern Rider

Warrior

Wyvern Lord

Great Knight

C Lances A Axes A Heavy Armor B+ Riding A Flying

This is the inverse of soldier, with male characters taking a quartet of brawling classes while females go mono-axes with the heavy armor classes and others. The female set also has one fewer class than all the others here, a consequence of there being one fewer female-exclusive class than male. As with the master class free space in male myrmidon, keep that in mind for later. The singular axe focus and smaller number of classes compensate for female fighters needing to train all three movement types here, which is annoying but necessary. I tried numerous combinations of classes in the soldier and fighter runs, but incredibly this is the one that's least demanding on overall ranks. What can you do?

Male fighters require an Abyssian Exam Pass - just pointing that out.

Monk

Male

Mage

Dark Mage

Priest

Warlock

Dark Bishop

Bishop

Dark Knight

Holy Knight

C Lances A Reason A Faith A Riding

Female

Mage

Priest

Warlock

Bishop

Dark Flier

Valkyrie

Dark Knight

Holy Knight

C Lances A Reason A Faith A Riding C Flying

With the understanding that gremory is covered in the myrmidon run, there's little to mention here. Rank requirements are almost identical with females only needing to work on flying a bit. These runs are the most demanding on limited seals though, with males needing two Dark Seals and females two Abyssian Exam Passes. Make sure you plan accordingly.

Also, these runs make it clear that if you're going to equip these characters with a weapon for when they run out of spells (as might well happen during earlygame), make it a lance.

Edelgard

From the standard sets:

Add lord to myrmidon

Add armored lord and emperor to fighter

Because female fighters are already one class short Edelgard can add two classes there and still come out as even as possible. She's the only character other than Byleth with more than eight master classes, meaning she'll have to do three of them in one run, but with her it's no trouble aside from emperor having the worst availability of any class in the game that is. Her unique classes slot well into fighter as it is.

Dimitri and Claude

From the standard sets:

Add lord to soldier

Move hero from myrmidon to fighter

Add high lord and great lord/wyvern master and barbarossa to myrmidon

The guys, meanwhile, don't fare as well. They take advantage of the same free space for a master class that Jeritza does, but to make the rest of this happen things have to get a bit messy. They'll have to have a certain sword rank for their soldier and fighter runs now, but as they both have sword boons that's not too tall of an order. They can also run hero as an axe class and lord as a lance class to match those runs' themes, which also helps each of them a bit in a different way - Dimitri with his axe bane, Claude with his lance bane. Dimitri's unique classes fit well with myrmidon as they also boost swords, but the best you could say about Claude's unique classes in myrmidon is that he won't have to train up bows for assassin when he can just switch to using them in wyvern master.

Byleth

The Avatar’s special gender-variable self needs class sets built from the ground up to accommodate their ability to access all of the genderlocked classes. As follows:

Myrmidon (male)

Mercenary

Thief

Dark Mage

Hero

Swordmaster

Assassin

Dark Bishop

Trickster

Enlightened One

Mortal Savant

Soldier (female)

Cavalier

Archer

Pegasus Knight

Paladin

Wyvern Rider

Sniper

Falcon Knight

Wyvern Lord

Bow Knight

Fighter (male)

Armored Knight

Brigand

Brawler

Fortress Knight

Warrior

Grappler

War Monk

Great Knight

War Master

Monk (female)

Mage

Priest

Warlock

Bishop

Dark Flier

Valkyrie

Dark Knight

Holy Knight

Gremory

Apart from the two female runs having three master classes apiece - unfortunate but necessary, as with Edelgard - the biggest surprise here should be dark mage/bishop in myrmidon. They need to be in a male run though, and there are more magical female-exclusive classes so that's not going to be monk. Alongside the standard mortal savant it's not much of a stretch in terms of skills (something Byleth never struggles with anyway because faculty training is a thing), but the required two Dark Seals should be considered.

Conclusion

I think that's just about everything for now? I could be really over the top and map out exact routes for exploration, efficient paralogue choices, and more nitpicky stuff, but even I've got my limit. Part of the fun of 100% is being able to adapt your strategies anyway, so I'm not sure that being that precise would be the best way to approach hypothetically helping someone else do something like this.