#i’m off on friday so hopefully i’ll write a little then

[a-ikuoliver]

today is the one day this week i had a short shift n i’ve spent the entire morning doing random shit

[msschemmenti]

sing with me please

emily prentiss x singer!reader

prompt: reader and emily are dating and she’s a rising artist on her first small tour. she’s been gone for weeks but is back in dc for a show. obviously emily is there and reader begs for emily to come on stage and sing their song with her to close out the show.

a/n: au inspired by this picture of paget and this series i’ve been writing for myself about a singing reader/oc. also this is not proofread at all. let me know what you think— and if you’re interested in more stuff like this :)

song featured : juna - clairo

“God, i can’t wait to see you.” y/n breathed down the phone quietly.

“Oh trust me, I’m right there with you. I’m starting to think I should’ve just taken the time off and gone with you.” Emily groaned into the phone from her desk.

“Oh I don’t want to hear it, I tried everything I could to get you to come along. And I mean everything. But you’re married to the job.” y/n replied with a tease.

“Aw, come on. I feel like I haven’t been here long enough to take three months off to follow my pop star girlfriend on her first-ever tour. Plus, it’s not like the world knows who you write all those love songs about anyway. And stop saying I’m married to the job, you know I hate that.” Emily all but whined.

“Right right right. Well, none of that matters now, because in just a few hours you’ll be front-row being serenaded for a good two hours.”

Emily grinned at the thought of having her girlfriend’s attention in a room full of fans. “Having my favorite singer’s attention in a room full of her adoring fans, sounds like a dream come true. What time should I get there?”

“Looks like this shoot is going to run over, so I might not be able to see you before the show. Either way, DeeDee has your name on the list already so you’ll be taken to your seat as soon as you’re there. Are you bringing anyone with you? I can give DeeDee their names too.” y/n rambled in thought.

Emily eyed the bullpen curiously, she hadn’t exactly thought to ask if anyone wanted to go with her. It felt a little too personal and after all this time on the team, she feared Garcia’s reaction to her having a serious girlfriend without her knowledge. “No, it’ll just be me. I’m sure everyone has plans. It is Friday after all.”

y/n chuckled softly at her girlfriend’s words, “Okay, make sure you text me when you get to the venue so I can let everyone know.”

“Yes ma’am. And after the show?” Emily asked hopefully. She really missed having her girlfriend home.

“I’m DC based for the next three months.” y/n grinned.

“Oh thank God.” Emily sighed in relief causing y/n to giggle softly.

“You can thank DeeDee for convincing the label to let me write and record here.”

“Well DeeDee has a very expensive bottle of wine with her name on it.”

There was a bit of shuffling on the other end of the phone and Emily knew the signs all too well, “Listen Em, I’ve got to go. They’re ready for the next outfit. Remember to text me.”

“Okay, I will. I’ll see you later.” Emily smiled.

“Yes, see you later. Love you.” y/n whispered before ending the call and handing her phone back to her manager.

-

“Hi DC.” y/n spoke into the microphone with a bright smile. The room filled with cheers almost instantly as she spoke and her cheeks grew red under the praise. “Oh you all are too sweet. How are we feeling tonight?”

y/n scanned the audience waving happily until her eyes fell on the VIP area she’d requested for Emily. Her eyes lighting up instantly as she caught Emily with her hands cupped around her mouth cheering with the other fans in the room. Sending a wink in her direction y/n spoke in the mic, “You all look so beautiful tonight. Thank you so much for coming out to my final show on my first tour. It’s been so fun meeting and talking to everyone but I’m very happy to be home. With that being said, let make this the best show yet!”

-

Emily was on cloud nine. She was absolutely beaming with pride and she couldn’t think of any place she’d rather be. When y/n said she’d be serenading her all night, she really hadn’t been kidding. As much as she could without making it too obvious, she practically spent the last two hours gazing lovingly into Emily’s eyes. And Emily felt mighty special. Her favorite voice, just for her.

“DC you’ve been so amazing tonight. I don’t think I’ve felt this happy in a long time. My favorite city, in a room full of my favorite people. It’s so so good to be home.” y/n spoke as the band set up for the last song of the night. “As you all know, we’re on our very last song and as much as I hate to end this night– I’m so excited to sleep in my own bed.”

y/n sat on the stool center stage and shuffled some papers on her music stand with a smile. She looked over to Emily with a mischievous smile that had her heart trying to beat out of her chest.

“This last one is very very special to me. It’s my biggest song and the reason I’m even on this tour. But more importantly, it’s about the most important person in my life. My love, my light, my muse.” y/n spoke eyes trained on Emily the entire time. The room awed and cheered happily at the mention of their favorite artist’s secret girlfriend. “I’m lucky to have her here with me tonight and I know she’s going to hate me for this but I wanna do something a lil different for my last show. Em, will you sing with me?”

Emily’s face was beyond red. She was staring at her girlfriend in shock and awe. Not only had she just told this room of people she was the muse for most of her discography but now she wanted her to get up on the stage to sing with her. She was shaking her head in disbelief and fear before she could even think about it. And she looked at her girlfriend like she’d grown a second head.

This only made y/n smile more, “Please Em. You’re my favorite duet partner and I’ve missed singing with you more than anything.”

Emily was cracking. Between y/n’s words and the adorable pout she was sporting there was only so much more she could take from the woman she loved before giving in.

“Everyone, let’s give her some encouragement. Can we chant ‘Emily!’? y/n asked the audience and like the loyal fans they are, their screams filled the room. And there was really nothing Emily could do at that point. Throwing her hands up in surrender, she walked toward the stage looking extremely nervous as the room cheered.

y/n moved to help Emily up the stairs and onto the stage with a blinding smile. “I can’t believe you just did that.” Emily grumbled softly as she rested her forehead against her girlfriend’s.

“Kinda surprised you came up.” y/n grinned so hard her cheeks hurt.

“Well, you unfortunately know that i will do anything for you baby. and you sure know how to milk it.” Emily replied and smiled as y/n pulled her toward the stool. She sat Emily down and turned toward the crowd.

“Alright everybody, this is the last one. If you know it sing along.” y/n placed the microphone on the mic stand. She could practically feel Emily’s nerves radiating off of her but knew once this moment would live with them for as long as they lived. y/n stood between her legs and placed a kiss on her nose lovingly before cueing the band to start the song. “Just you and me, like at home.” She coaxed before she started singing the opening line of the song.

“Come to me slowly. It's when you talk close enough that I feel it on my skin, breathe it in.”

The room buzzed in anticipation when y/n nudged Emily softly and stroked her cheek in encouragement. Emily was nervous but she truly felt like she could do anything with her girlfriend’s eyes trained on her. “Most of these days I don’t get too intimate. Why would I let you in? But I think again.”

y/n smiled instantly, throwing in some of the background vocals while Emily sang. She started timidly but with the love shining in y/n’s eyes, she grew more confident with the words. Plus the cheers from the audience helped quite a bit. They joined together sweetly, Emily taking the melody and y/n harmonizing with her as they went. “I don’t even try. I don’t have to think. With you, there’s no pretending.”

When they got to the chorus y/n smiled and turned her head to the crowd, “Come on everyone, You know me, you know me. And I just might know you too.”

The smiles on both women’s faces were permanent as y/n pulled Emily up to dance with her across the stage. In a room surrounded by people who loved her girlfriend, she knew without a doubt that none of them could compete with her. They finished the song with the help of the crowd and when the music came to an end, everyone screamed their appreciation. y/n grabbed Emily’s hand and pulled her into center stage with a laugh.

“DC, give it up for the love of my life!” And despite y/n’s hand on the small of her back, Emily timidly tried to hide from the praise. The applause died down a bit and they wished everyone a farewell before heading backstage.

Finally in the quiet of her dressing room, y/n pulled Emily into a bruising kiss. Pulling away was not a priority, but when it became a necessity their foreheads rested together.

“DC give it up for the love of my life?” Emily teased.

“Yeah. That’s you.” y/n shrugged with a smile.

“Mmhmm, is that so?” Emily asked, squeezing her waist.

“It better be so. I’m sure it’s all over the internet by now babe.”

Emily groaned, “Of course it is. You are so lucky I love you.”

y/n shrugged with a smile and reached up to pinch Emily’s cheek, “Oh I know baby, and I wake up every morning so grateful. And lucky me, I get to wake up in your arms for the next three months.”

Emily sighed happily, pulling the singer into a hug. She mentally prayed for the serial killers of the world to chill out for the foreseeable future and kissed y/n’s head. “Welcome home my love.”

-

y/n

liked by prentissemily, and 9,000 others

dc, i love you. but not as much as i love em.

thank you for an amazing first tour. my heart is so full and i can’t wait for the next one. y/n 2 loading…

ps. whoever took that second picture— i owe you my LIFE

pennythegreat @prentissemily — rue when was this?

prentissemily literally what does this mean?

prentissemily my superstar xx

y/n my muse xx

[pixeldistractions]

there was meant to be more, but…

The old girl said, “Nope, I’m done,” and with no explanation or fanfare, blip, she turned off. That was that.

And I do think this computer might be my spirit animal. She has done so much good work, and she is tired. But despite my deep respect for this old machine, it unfortunately means no more sims from me for a little bit (hopefully) or possibly a while.

It might be the power supply, considering how it just went out like it did. I ordered a new charger block, so we’ll find out on Friday. If it’s not the power supply, then I’ll probably just call it a good run for this 13-year-old laptop and let her rest in peace.

Please pray for my backups! I shouldn’t lose too much. But my most recent whole backup was probably a month ago. Maybe two. 😬

edit: it’s three months. My backup is dated September 29th. 😖

Luckily, I’m never able to work too far ahead of where I’m posting, so most of whatever sims pictures I had would already be posted here. And it seems like I can download them in their full size. Any of my recent writing and WIPs should mostly be on Google docs. And since I’ve mostly been in storytelling mode in the past months, my saves haven’t made much progress that I can’t easily recreate. No new babies have been born and I haven’t done too much building lately except for throwaway things.

I was looking forward to playing a little Christmas with my sims. But, as it would turn out, the last picture I took was of Stephanie contracting a severe bacterial infection and her holiday was about to end up in bed on antibiotics, lol! So maybe she’s glad that I’ll probably lose that progress and we can end instead with some cute pixel kittens.

And now it’s time to transition to spending holiday time with my family. I will be around to enjoy reading and liking all of your holiday posts. Sorry, I won’t have any more of my own to share.

I hope everyone who celebrates has a wonderful, warm, and cozy Christmas. 🎄🎁🍪🎅🎄

[writingtraumaforever]

Uncontrolled Chaos: Chapter 20

Notes: No more updates for this week, everyone! I’ll be away camping with my family for Thanksgiving, so no signal for me. I’ll hopefully be able to update again Friday or Saturday! Hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving/week!!! ^w^

Summary: Rouge, Sonic and Shadow come up with a plan for their next move. Sonic and Shadow share a moment after..

Chapter Select!

Link to my AO3!

Prequels: Something I’m Made For , The 30th

Start:

“Can you please give me some space, Blue?? Chaos..,” Rouge grumbles, Sonic chuckling awkwardly from his spot where he had been leaning over Rouge’s shoulder to see the tiny writing on the laptop.

“Sorry..,” he pulls back, allowing her some room to breathe. The bat sighs to herself, shaking her head in silence. These boys would be the death of her..

Her aquamarine eyes skim over the records from Shadow’s stay in the medical wing, Shadow standing behind her looking them over as well on the opposing side Sonic stands on.

There’s nothing too out of the ordinary from his time in the GUN hospital wing, but the real interesting bit was from what GUN had been recording of, not him, but his counterpart before he disappeared.

The other Shadow.

“So they had been tracking Shadow’s vitals up until he used chaos control,” Rouge explains, pointing at the readings on the screen, “And then he disappeared. The readings are off the chart, so they likely assumed he just shorted out their equipment. Little do they know, he went to a whole other dimension..”

“What are chaos readings typically like when we use chaos control with a real emerald?” Shadow questions, arms crossed as he looks down to the bat.

“Pretty damn high from what I recall, but they’re controlled. These are sporadic. Unpredictable. Like they’re—“

“Colliding with another user’s own chaos energy??” Sonic suggest with a small tilt of his head, both Rouge and Shadow blinking up at him in surprise.

“What?? I can keep up with smart talk,” Sonic huffs with a roll of his eyes before looking to Shadow, “I bet you and Shadow were using Chaos Control at the same time with artificial emeralds, and that’s what caused the convergence.”

Shadow looks at him impressed, Rouge nodding at this and looking back to the screen, “Not a bad theory. I was kinda thinking the same thing..”

“So if that’s the case, wouldn’t we just need to get them both to use chaos control at the same time again to switch them back??” Sonic asks, looking between the two.

“Not that simple. How are we suppose to get the our Shadow on board with this plan if he’s in a different world??” Rouge mutters with a frown, honestly feeling at least a little relieved that their Shadow is most likely out there somewhere now and not gone from existence altogether.

“Not to mention, it could just tear an even bigger hole between space and time,” Shadow frowns thoughtfully, twirling a finger around his chest fur as a fidget sort of thing.

Sonic’s eyes watch the finger spin with soft, white fur like he’s hypnotized.

“Well likely need some way to safely connect the two dimensions,” Rouge suggest.

Sonic blinks out of his hypnotic state, looking back to the bat, “Like a portal??”

“Yeah,” she nods, “Like a portal.”

“Hopping dimensions isn’t a completely foreign concept.. we both experienced the Time Eater, yes?? Eggman once harnessed that things power to control time and skip across it. I imagine this wouldn’t be much different,” Shadow theorizes.

“Yeah, but I don’t trust Eggman as far as I can throw him,” Sonic scoffs with a roll of his eyes, “So asking for his help is a no-go.”

“But we could break into his facility and hack into his old blueprints and concepts and such, and possibly use whatever he used back then to aid us in making our own modified one,” Shadow suggests, looking at Sonic now.

They pause a moment when they lock eyes.

Sonic giving a little, awkward smile, and Shadow smiling a bit shyly before they each look away.

“You two actually come up with some pretty decent stuff when you aren’t arguing,” Rouge comments, turning to face them now with a smirk, “Maybe our Shadow could learn a thing or two about teamwork.”

Shadow smirks at this, shrugging his shoulders, “I learned from the best. Took me awhile to get there, though.”

Sonic chuckles with a sarcastic, “A Shadow taking a while to adjust to being nice??? Shocker.”

“So I suppose we just need to wait until the other boys get here, and we can run it all by Boy Genius,” Rouge comments, crossing her arms with a sigh, “We’ll still need the chaos emeralds. Real ones.”

“Maybe we could split up into teams??” Sonic suggests with a shrug, “You and Knuckles go looking for the emeralds as the best treasure hunters among us, Shads and I could infiltrate Eggman’s base and get the plans, and Tails will be working on the portal-machine-thingy.”

Rouge smiles a bit at this, a sense of relief washing over her at finally having a somewhat decent plan to fix all of this. Shadow feels it, too.

“Sounds good, Blue. We’ll run it by them when they get here. For now, we should all probably get some rest..”

“Sleepover??” Sonic says with a little hopeful grin, Shadow chuckling quietly at the cute alternate of his boyfriend..

“Sleepover,” Rouge nods with a smirk.

Sonic grins at this, “Sweet! I’ll get snacks and we can watch a movie and see if it’s different than whatever Shads has in his world and—“

“No, no, Blue,” the bat shakes her head, standing with a yawn, “We need rest. Especially Shado—.. Shads.”

Shadow blinks at this, looking to her with a frown, “I’m not even tired. I rested earlier.”

“Doesn’t matter, you need to keep your energy up. We all do,” she explains with a shrug, moving past them now towards the stairs, “It’s gonna be a long next few days. And I, for one, don’t intend on being dead exhausted through them when I need to be thinking clearly.”

Sonic pouts at this, “Party-pooper.”

“Whatever. I’m gonna shower,” Rouge waves her hand dismissively as she walks up the stairs, seeming to be keen on finding the guest room for herself.

“First room on the left,” Sonic calls, “And there’s some extra T-shirts in the top dresser!”

He hears the door close, looking at Shadow with a small chuckle, “Guess she found it..”

Shadow smirks at this, nodding and looking back to the laptop screen with his files on it.

“..She’s right, though. We should try and sleep. It’s pretty late..,” Shadow mutters, seeing Sonic moving towards the kitchen out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m feeling snacky first, though. Gonna make me some waffles or somethin’. You want anything??”

Shadow chuckles, shaking his head as he closes the laptop and moves into the kitchen to find Sonic already pulling the box of waffles out of the freezer, “Waffles?? At.. midnight?” he asks, holding his wrist up to check the time from his watch under the cuff of his glove.

“Best time to have ‘em!” Sonic grins, pulling out the toaster.

Shadow just smiles a bit at this, watching the blue hedgehog as he maneuvers around the kitchen preparing his midnight breakfast. If he doesn’t think too hard about it, he can pretend this is his Sonic. That he’s back home.. that he doesn’t have to worry about never seeing him again.

He doesn’t let his brain go there..

He wonders how his Sonic is doing. If he’s okay, if he’s worried sick.. if he’s even realized his Shadow has been swapped for a different on yet.

He hopes the other Shadow isn’t being a dick to his boyfriend or so help him Gaia, he’ll kick his ass—

“Earth to Shads,” Sonic waves, snapping Shadow from his train of thought.

“Hm?”

“You never answered if you wanted any,” Sonic smiles at him, looking a bit worried at how vacant he just was.

“I’m alright, thank you,” he denies politely, shaking his head before sighing and moving to lean against the table behind him. Propping his tail against the wood, he crosses his arms over his chest and eyes Sonic another moment before eventually asking,

“So you excited Tails will be back in the morning??”

“Uh-yeah, duh,” the blue hedgehog snorts with a little grin at the thought, “I’ve missed the little guy.”

“I’m sure,” he replies with a little smile of his own, “My own Sonic back home is nearly inseparable from his brother.”

“Yeah, that’s us! Just me and Tails against the world in every world,” Sonic grins, sitting on the counter next to the toaster as he waits for his waffles.

“Guess so..,” Shadow smirks, his smile faltering after a moment, “…Wonder why it’s not the same with us.”

“Hm?” Sonic’s brows furrow, looking at Shadow with a tilt to his head, “What’s not the same??”

“Us. Inseparable in every world..,” Shadow explains with a little shrug, “Can’t help but wonder.. if this world is the odd one out or my own.. perhaps I was meant to be the enemy, the brooding one, the rival?? And I just-… I don’t know, got lucky??”

“That feels like a oversimplified way of putting it,” Sonic frowns, not liking the sound of Shadow’s explanation of simply being lucky, “Dude— you are where you are in your life because you got you there. Not because fate screwed up or something went wrong. You chose to be the person you are. You weren’t meant to be an asshole. You’re just you. And frankly?? I like this version of you.”

Shadow’s eyes lift to look at Sonic, a small smile on his face, “..Thanks.”

“No problemo!” Sonic grins, looking to the toaster just as his waffles pop up. Snatching them and placing them on a plate, he moves to grab some peanut butter from the cabinet. Shadow watches with an amused look as Sonic smears the peanut butter between both waffles and puts them together to eat like a sandwich.

Opening his mouth to take a bite, Sonic pauses upon noticing Shadow’s gaze being stuck on him.

“…what?”

Shadow blinks, looking away sheepishly with an apologetic smile, “Sorry, just-.. I guess I just miss Sonic.. my Sonic.”

Sonic smiles a little at that, looking at the hybrid with a sympathetic gaze, “You guys are pretty close in your world, huh??”

Shadow can’t help but chuckle at that, a very soft smile gracing his muzzle, “..You could say that.”

Sonic’s smile goes a bit sideways at that, tilting his head curiously at Shadow as he takes a bite of his peanut butter waffle sandwich.

“…Well, what are some things you and your Sonic do together??”

Shadow hums at that, looking up at the ceiling and letting his palms rest on the table behind him as he leans against them, “Hm.. well, a lot of nothing..,” he then snickers a bit breathily, “and then a lot of everything.. we never really plan what happens in our lives, it just happens.”

“Sounds exciting,” Sonic grins through a mouthful, chomping down another bite, “Just how I like it.”

“Exciting is one word for it..,” Shadow admits with a sigh, “Though, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it to settle down now and then.. but I also know you’d practically lose your mind without some sort of adventure to run off into.”

Sonic snorts, “Yeah, you got me there. If your Sonic is anything like me then he’d hate the peace and quiet..”

Shadow’s eyes shift from the ceiling to Sonic, then, tilting his head at him with a knowing little smirk, “Kinda like how you were hating all your friends being gone before I got here??”

Sonic blinks at that, looking at Shadow before looking away with a stubborn little huff, “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. I was fine on my own.”

“Oh come on. I saw how you were just itching with relief when you realized this was all turning into another adventure. You’ve been bored.”

“Okay— bored and wishing ill on my own world are two totally different things,” Sonic clarifies with a little frown at Shadow, sighing and looking down at his already half eaten waffle sandwich, “I don’t want shitty things to happen. It’s just.. when things get quiet, my head gets-…”

“Loud?..”

Sonic looks at Shadow at that, being a little surprised by the sympathetic and understanding look in the hybrid’s eyes..

Sonic offers a tiny and somewhat sad smile, “Yeah.. I don’t like that I’m like this.. but I don’t really know what I am without all of this chaos..”

Shadow frowns at that, brows knitting slightly, “You’re you. That’s plenty, isn’t it??”

“Is it??” Sonic chuckles breathily, no real amusement in his words, “I mean— you see all my friends here?? The second I started falling apart, they—..”

Shadow’s concern only grows as he watches Sonic have some sort of inner battle.. debating with himself on whether or not he should keep sharing with Shadow or just shut himself up.

Shadow sees it in his eyes the moment he decides.

“Sorry. It’s just been a hard few months is all,” Sonic snorts with a roll of his eyes, chomping another bite of his sweet sandwich down.

If he were back home, Shadow would already be across the room holding his Sonic. Hugging him close and kissing his head and reassuring him with soft whispers in his ear that he’s more than just a hero.. he’s a person. A being. He can’t be perfect all the time, and he can’t take people moving forward with their own lives as him not being good enough to keep them around..

But this isn’t his Sonic. It’s not his place.

Shadow sighs frustratedly at this. Why is there no one in this world who cares enough to make sure Sonic is okay???

After a moment’s hesitation, Shadow pushes himself off the table and moves across the kitchen closer to Sonic just as the hedgehog is finishing up his midnight snack, reaching without giving it near enough thought and clutching Sonic’s chin in his hand to force the hedgehog to look at him.

He’s not rough, but he’s insistent with how he holds the hero, watching as Sonic’s eyes go wide and his breath hitches for a second in surprise.

He’s got waffle crumbs on the fur around his mouth..

“You’re allowed to fall apart now and then, Hedgehog. You don’t have to be strong for everyone and expect them to read your mind when you feel weak.. Inner battles are far more challenging than ones we can see. It takes longer and deeper analysis to identify the weak spot. To defeat that voice that holds you at impossible standards and tells you you’re not worthy of people’s love and hold no value unless you’re perfect.. it’s important to remember that if you’re not expected to fight your battles alone when they’re physical, then why should you fight them alone when they’re mental??…You must ask for help now and then.”

Shadow’s voice is firm and stern, but caring. Like he’s saying all of this fully wanting Sonic to understand the weight of his words, but also wanting him to understand he’s not being scolded.. he’s being cared for.

He slowly lets go of Sonic’s chin, the hedgehog still looking up at him with parted lips and wide eyes as if he’s trying to process what’s happening.

Shadow’s thumb gently wipes the crumbs off the blue hedgehog’s muzzle around his mouth, a small smile forming at how endearingly messy this hedgehog is.. inside and out..

His eyes lift back to Sonic’s, brows knit up, “Do you understand..?”

Sonic blinks at this, swallowing hard with his cheeks lightly dusted pink, “Yeah- uh… I think I do..?”

Shadow hums at that, head tilting slightly, “Good.”

Shadow retracts his hand from Sonic’s face and takes a step back to give him some space.

“I’ll sleep in the fox’s room, if that’s alright?”

Sonic clears his throat, “Oh, uh- yeah sure, man. Whatever. Make yourself at home.”

Shadow can’t help but smirk at how painfully casual Sonic is trying to be.

“Alright, then.. goodnight, Sonic..,” Shadow moves to exit the living room, only just making it around the corner when he hears Sonic call his name.

“Shads??”

Shadow immediately backs up and looks to him, “Yes??”

Sonic looks conflicted a moment, a light blush decorating his cheeks as he looks around the room rubbing the back of his neck and tapping his foot.

Shadow stays quiet, patiently waiting with a content look on his face. No rush.

“I—“

Rouge suddenly comes flying down the stairs, dressed in only one of Sonic’s few t-shirts and some leggings, clean of all her makeup.

She practically tackles Shadow against the wall of the kitchen, Shadow grunting as his back harshly slams into the cold wall. Sonic immediately shifts into a fighting stance, glaring at Rouge with wide eyes, “What the hell, Rouge?!—“

“Shut it, Blue!” the bat hushes with a hissed whisper and warning glare at Sonic. Sonic goes quiet but his guard remains up. Shadow is glaring at her too, her hand firmly pressed over his mouth.

Shutting off the lights of the kitchen, she finally supplies an explanation, whispering into the dark as her eyes dart to the nearest window, “Someone’s outside..”

[harrywavycurly]

Hey Sarah I’m in a mood and I was wondering if you could break my heart (pls put it back together tho) with any of the Eddies or Joes

Hiii lovey!! I will gladly break your heart and I’m gonna be totally honest I had a whole moment where I went “what if…I don’t put it back together?” but don’t worry I will…eventually(I really will fix it I promise) 🙈 but I did this in a conversation formate because that’s how it flowed the best in my mind so I hope you enjoy💖

-I had to create a whole new Eddie for this because I simply couldn’t bring myself to break any of my precious babies hearts😂

A/N: This has a cliff hanger and I’m sorry I feel like it’s necessary and you’ll see why, don’t hate me✨

“You know staring at it won’t make it magically disappear right?…you’re gonna have to open it eventually.” “Gee thanks Steve…what would I do without your words of wisdom?” “Listen jackass sitting here on your front porch staring at a cardboard box isn’t exactly how I planned on spending my Friday night okay?” “Then why’d you come over?” “Because…you called and sounded all…upset…and you’re like one of my bestfriends so…here I am.” “Thanks…” “So…what’d you do?” “I fucked up.” “I mean yeah…that’s a little obvious…I mean what did you actually do to make her send all your stuff back in a box marked…the asshole’s stuff?” “We got into an argument and she walked out and I didn’t go after her.” “Wait..what?..what do you mean you didn’t go after her?” “I mean exactly what I said Steve…I said some shit…she said some shit and then she left and I just…let her….” “What was this argument about?” “She got a wedding invitation from some girl we went to high school with and it made her all…happy and hopeful for our future and..she started talking about us getting married and I just…I’m not ready for all that shit man I’m only twenty three I can’t be someone’s husband.” “Okay so you just tell her you’re not ready yet…you don’t just throw in the fucking towel Eddie.” “You didn’t see her face when she was talking about our lives together Steve…she’s ready for that like right now and I don’t…I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.” “What exactly did you say to her?” “I just told her…if she’s looking for someone to marry she’s looking in the wrong place…and…and she just..called me a selfish asshole and left.” “Well she wasn’t wrong…and that’s when you just let her drive away?” “I didn’t even move from the couch…I sat there the rest of the night because I just assumed she’d come back after she calmed down a bit.” “You’re such an idiot man…but just tell me…is it the idea of being with her forever that you don’t think you’re ready for? Or is just being her husband you can’t wrap your head around?” “I love her…more than anyone and I know she’s it for me but I’m not husband material Steve and that’s not…fare to her.” “Oh fuck off with that…she clearly thinks your husband material or she wouldn’t bring it up so don’t go trying to say you did this as a favor to her okay? You did this because you’re scared.” “I’m not scared.” “Yes you fucking are Eddie…you’re terrified that someone else loves you so much that they literally want to be legally bound to you…that’s some heavy shit man so I get it but that’s why you made her run away…it has nothing to do with this lame ass excuse of you not being husband material.” “I just..I don’t want to fuck it up..I’ve seen enough horrible marriages I don’t need to be apart of one too.” “Sorry to break it to you man but…you kinda already did.” “Yeah…I did didn’t I? She couldn’t even write my name on the box…” “Oh asshole isn’t your first name? I’m shocked.” “Fuck off…” “Sorry…but you wanna go through it now or…wait?” “I don’t need to go through it…I know what’s in it.” “Oh really? What?” “A few mix cds I made her… a teddy bear from a claw machine at the arcade…some letters…a photo of us at the lake one summer and hopefully a few Metallica shirts.” “Letters?” “Yeah? We used to write each other all the time…it was like our way of expressing how we felt sometimes when we couldn’t really…get the words out…why are you looking at me like that?” “Do you want her back?” “What?” “Answer the question man.” “Yes…yes I want her back…” “Just checking…because…I may have an idea…” “Okay…I’m listening…”

[spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia]

And here's the latest chapter of Scandalous Chemistry!:

January 31st, Friday, 1998

Dear Diary,

Well, it’s been a few literally crazy days, huh? Gretchen and I have made buying gum and going on a Spa Date into missions even my darling Pierce Brosnan wouldn’t dare take!

But what matters is that we’re getting closer and closer! I really feel like we hit a breakthrough yesterday! Gretchen actually liked Ashley stuff! Me stuff! You realize what a TOTALLY schway sign this is?? It means that maybe we really could be besties! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Of course, there’s still much work to do, especially on my end! I need to prove I can do Gretchen things tomorrow, when I visit her house and we do some science stuff! I’ll admit, I’m… Sort of, kind of, totally, absolutely, literally nervous about it. Like, what if I find it whack? Or worse, what if I’M whack? What if I hurt her feelings again?! Or what if I’m not open minded enough?! I mean, I want to be, and I still think I did a real fabulous job at the museum, but that doesn’t mean I’ll just ace this!

And I really, really want to, dear diary. I already tried to quit Gretchen, and I just can’t! This friendship means too much to me, it’s like Rachel and Ross, just not romantic! Sabrina and Harvey, just not romantic! Charlie and Kirsten, just not romantic! I don’t know why I keep naming romantic relationships, but you know what I mean!

Point is, Gretchy… Means a lot to me. And even though I’m not exactly sure why, I mean a lot to her, it seems. Why else go through all this trouble for me? So I can’t let her down, especially after she tried so hard at the mall! I just need to get into the right mindset. Ooh, I know! I’ll do, like, one of those meditation mantra thingies!

Deep breath… Science. Nerd stuff. Facts. Learning. Experiments. More science. Molecules. Chemistry. Science 2, the sequel. Wait, no, I said science, this is science 3. Science: The Reckoning. No, Science: The Revenge! You didn’t pay attention at science, and this summer, it’s gonna get PHYSICAL. I should tell that one to Gretchen! I bet she’ll laugh! Hopefully that giggle she does, that’s the best one, the one that sounds like she didn’t mean to let it out, SOOOOOOOO aesthetically pleasing!

Whoops, looks like I rambled about Gretchen again! Sorry, dear diary, that’s been happening a lot! Ugh, I’m SOOOOOO lucky I have you, and your 24k golden lock, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to talk about all this Gretchen stuff! If anyone found out what secret soulmates we are, I’d LITERALLY DIE!

‘You never write in your diary on the way to school. What juicy dirt do we have here, and is “Double Your Lunch Money” too low a price for my fellow students?’, Tyler A hissed conspiratorially, grubby little fingers edging towards the book, shifty little eyes locked in on the gossip…

Outraged, Ashley slammed the book on his fingers, making him yelp in pain while she growled like a wolf on her cheat day from a non meat diet stumbling onto houses of stick and straw. ‘Careful, or I’ll add the mark of Cain to my accessories!’

Britney A, busy chewing on the pencil Ashley had accidentally dropped, grunted out a mouthful of ‘Mommy, Ashley is using the bible to make Tyler suffer, can I too?’. She followed her question by slowly and worryingly raising a makeshift cross marked “Tyler”.

Mrs. Armbruster, for her part, laughed all this off as she cruised her 197 Chevrolet C5 Red Corvette down the mainstreet, gazing out of her window at all the appreciative men, winking and biting her lip just to see what she could make them feel. As they all clearly squirmed in overwhelming attraction, she savored it. Power, pure and simple. Even all her wealth couldn’t buy the power that came with her galaxy spanning confidence. ‘That’s rich, girls! Like me! Tyler, reading a woman’s diary is a sin as despicable as Judas, so if you don’t want me to take away your Tamagotchi…’

‘I’ll be good.’ Tyler muttered, afraid and pissed at his sisters getting away with that. Ashley sniffed importantly, heedless of his suffering. She had far more pressing matters. Speaking of… ‘Oh, mommy, by the way, this week’s sleepover is at Ashley B’s. Would you, like, be able to drive me there? I’m afraid the last few days have totally exhausted me. Tyler?’, she lent out a hand, and the boy begrudgingly handed her a cherry yogurt.

Mrs. Armbruster didn’t look back as she answered, and perhaps it was that mystery that helped coat her real tone. ‘Oh, sorry, junior, but I’m literally SOOOO busy! I have more meetings than the number of dreamy boys on Dawson’s Creek!’

‘Dang, that’s a lot of meetings.’, Ashley A whispered to herself, feeling a little guilty. Gretchen would probably have told her now something about how busy her parents could be, so even trying to picture how busy her own mother was was just… Well, impossible! ‘Oh, aiite, I’m, like, sorry, mommy, I didn’t know.’

‘Now, now, Ashley, don’t fret! There’s a long time until you’re running Armbruster Reality!’, Ashley A Sr. strategically placed pressure onto her daughter’s shoulders, wondering if she was closer to her written out destiny yet. Her ears perked up, not dissimilar to the wolf I mentioned before.

Ashley A, meanwhile, gulped audibly, the concept hitting her like a truck, as it always did. The responsibility of the Armbruster name was entrusted on her shoulders, as the eldest child of the CEO of the biggest real estate business in the Philadelphia Tri-State area. What was she gonna do, let her friends run it? Or worse, Tyler?

But it didn’t make her feel any better when she pictured it: Her, wearing furs like her mother, smoking rings and laughing haughtily at business meetings, selling housing and insurance like a real smooth talker. Could she really live up to such a legacy, when she was befriending a freak… A non-Ashley type behind her family’s back?

Still, she couldn’t let them down. Putting on a brave face, Ashley saluted firmly. ‘WHEN I run it, I’ll be sure to remember that!’

Mrs. Armbruster grinned, giddy at the thought of an early retirement. ‘That’s bangin’ to hear, Ashley! I’ll be sure to tell your father to pick you up when I’m done flossin’ my new mini skirt suit and metallic heels! Like, they’re gonna be the next big trend, you just watch!’

That seemed reasonable to Ashley, so she smiled gratefully, happy that her mother could find the time to tell her father to do what she clearly had no time to do. ‘Business comes first, after all.’, Ashley repeated a worn out family statement, nodding gently, as she slowly glanced down at the photographs she had hidden in her diary, photos she was going to hide in her locker when she arrived.

The booth photos of her and Gretchen.

Thumb stroking the one with soft smiles, she felt a bittersweet pang explode into a brilliant kaleidoscope of uncertainty in her heart. ‘Am I a real Ashley and Armbruster anymore? It’s been so long since I truly enjoyed my old company.’

As the car purred to a stop next to the school, Ashley tried to swallow the lump in her throat and wear a brave face. ‘Today is vital. Today is the day I prove I can have my cake and eat it too. Take that, Thomas, Duke of Norfolk!’

A few minutes later, the first test came, as she opened up her locker to hide the photos.

Ashley’s locker was, well, it was just what you’d expect by now, reading Chapter 24 (excluding Author’s notes): It had all the beauty treatments she could have needed, from a mirror to hairspray to hair mascara to nail polish to lipstick to lip gloss, not to mention eyeshadow; hair bows, ribbons, accessories and clothes replacements if a quick change was needed (or she just felt like spicing it up); glitter stickers, glitter pens, glitter anything, for extra sparkle; pink fuzz all over (including the outside), making it a comfy place to rest her head if needed; liner notes of her favorite Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys songs; an amount of Lisa Frank stickers even Gretchen couldn’t probably count, featuring all her favorite animals in puking glorious rainbow colors; Some of her favorite notes from her friends (mostly some great Ashley B and Q zingers about the gang, which in retrospect, she might have regretted. Was there one of Gretchen? She’d check in a moment); Bath and Body Warm Vanilla Sugar (to smell extra Ashley); Her special backpack (equipped with a million other items, and most importantly, Bear Spice, her teddy); Pink scrunchies (if she ever felt like some sort of pony tail, not that she had the hair for it, or the need, but still); and most importantly, posters and pictures, of all the things and people she loved most: Her and Ashley T belting out Mariah Carey on her karaoke machine; her and Ashley Q giggling like crazy after prank calling some loser (probably Gus or Sue Bob); her and Ashley B strutting on a pretend runway, showing off their designer purses and cool sunglasses. There were also photos of her favorite celebs and shows: Dawson’s Creek, Party of Five, Baywatch, Friends, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Hello Kitty, The Lion King, Hercules, Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, Leo Dicaprio, Katie Winselt, etc. etc. etc.

No wonder Prickly’s budget was always in the red, when four girls got to have such mega sized lockers.

But there was a new addition, one Ashley A was now installing in secret, whilst searching through her notes for an insult directed at Gretchen. Photos of said girl and her, photos that would expose their lie, unless people fell for the excuse “Oh these are for my cousin, her locker isn’t allowed to have photos in it”.

Her hands were quivering alongside her heart, but she couldn’t help but smile when she stared at the photos, placed below a poster of Simba, Timon and Pumba and next to liner notes to “Anywhere For You” by the Backstreet Boys and a heart shaped necklace. You’d miss it if you didn’t look too deeply, thankfully. Ashley stared at it, like a secret in the middle of her personal paradise, and she couldn’t help but sigh longingly, tiny hearts floating above her. ‘It would literally be so fly if I could have 4 BFF’s…’, she mused in hushed excitement, only to suddenly hear the other Ashleys approaching. Shutting her locker quickly, Ashley whistled the theme to “Dawson’s Creek”, hoping her friends didn’t notice the note in her hands.

‘Ooh, Ashley A, you just gave me a great idea! We should TOTALLY rewatch the second episode of “Dawson’s Creek”!’, Ashley T proposed, sighing wistfully as she thought of all the scandalous moments with the girls in the cast… And the boys that were there too, absolutely, but mostly the girls, which didn’t mean anything, shh. She opened her locker, which was packed to the brim with all her Barbie toys, CD’s, and pictures of Ashley Q. Ashley T had decided to place photos of her fellow Ashley’s once a week, but always forgot to replace the Ashley Q ones. Not that she minded. ‘They’re… Aesthetically pleasing. Why fix what ain’t broke, ya know?’, she lied to herself, as she hummed the wedding march just for kicks.

Ashley Q, quickly opening and closing her locket, lest anyone see her basketball posters and memorabilia among the makeup and magazines, nodded in agreement. ‘And you know what, I think we should also rewatch the latest “Sister, Sister” episode! Since “Baywatch” is the only premiere tonight.’, she suggested, as she painted her nails black and orange, not considering what that hinted at. If she did, it would be too much to bear. This was just a passing fad of hers, nothing more. Just like that time she enjoyed kickball. And just like the time she “got stuck” watching the World Series final game. And just like the time she accidentally attended a Hockey game instead of a figure skating show. And just like the time she only wanted to watch the Super Bowl for the commercials but ended up watching the whole thing. That stuff happens by accident all the time. Totally. Absolutely. Surely.

Unaware of how deep in her comrades were, Ashley B continued their conversation. ‘Seeing as it’s my turn to host, I grant official approval to those ideas, AND to rewatching the latest “7th Heaven” too. I think that will make for quite the adequate preamble to my little… Plan for this Annual Ashley Sleepover.’, B grinned like a cheshire cat as she finger tented like she was an evil yellow octogenarian nuclear mogul.

Ashley Q and T, aware of the plan, both winked at Ashley B, except the former also said ‘Wink!’ while winking and the latter leaned on her locker and then fell, making it open and drop countless photos of Ashley Q. ‘Oh, I’m so clumsy, gosh I have no idea how I got so many of these…’, she muttered, picking them up and hoping her face wasn’t turning to a tomato. ‘Soooooooo out of season.’

Ashley A, totally oblivious to all this, just like how she was totally oblivious to any romantic attraction for or from spectacled geeky girls named Gretchen, simply nodded happily and added ‘Oh, and maybe we can also rewatch the “Sabrina” episode, I thought it was SO funny and…’

‘Yes, we’ll see, anyway, as I was saying, I have many special plans for tonight’s festivities. So many that I do believe we’ll have to skip our “Clueless” viewing…’, Ashley B pretended to be upset (which wasn’t hard, she DID love seeing that movie too), but deep down she knew it was important. She didn’t care if Ashley A’s own mother was sure nothing was wrong, she couldn’t shake the feeling, and she couldn’t truly love her best friend if she didn’t know her best friend was to be trusted.

Ashley A, confused and miffed (‘Gretchen would have at least let me finish my sentence’), held up a finger in questioning. ‘But… But we ALWAYS watch “Clueless”! And besides, the others got to choose episodes…’

‘Ashley A, please. Why get so hung up on semantics when we can get hung up on all the cute boys at Gym? It’s Dodgeball day after all, and I bet they’re all going to be GLI-STEN-ING! Woo!’, Ashley B cried, startling Ashley A. She wasn’t usually THAT boy crazy. Was this just a lie to get something out of her?

‘Look at yourself, Ashley A! So used to lying to your friends, you just assume they are! I wanted to get Gretchen, not lose my other world too! Snap out of it and play along! If you need to make a sacrifice or two, then make them! That’s what FRIENDS do!’, she thought, feeling pretty proud of her dedication. She knew the other Ashley’s would do the same.

Once she left, Ashley Q and T tilted their heads at Ashley B. ‘Hey, um, you never said anything about not watching “Clueless”...’, they both said at the same time.

‘Girls, girls, please… This is for the greater good of the Ashleys! Clearly, something is up with our supposed leader. Maybe it’s nothing that important, but I want to know! None of us want a repeat of “Purple Day”, am I right?’, Ashley B reminded, and the girls nodded resolutely, terrified of such an occurrence.

‘Exactly. So a few small sacrifices are nothing compared to finding out once and for all if Ashley A still deserves to be an Ashley! And we will, once our night of games commences…’, Ashley B snickered evilly.

The 3 all chanted ‘Scandalous!’, but they couldn’t help but feel like one less voice made one big impact…

 

‘Randal!!!!!’, The bellow echoed across the school halls, akin to the shout of an elder god cursing the heavens. Every student at school pricked up, except for The Gang, who were sitting pretty in the cafeteria, enjoying the success of another plan. ‘Goodbye, “Tomato Surprise”, hello, free ice cream!’, T.J. smirked as he happily licked his strawberry flavored popsicle. The rest of the gang all enjoyed chocolate ones, but one was a little less into it than usual. ‘Guys, don’t you think that was a little… Too easy? Where’s Randal slinking his way towards Ms. Finster?’, Gretchen commented, her chocolate popsicle melting over the table. ‘You don’t mind if…’, Mikey started asking, and Gretchen simply handed him the popsicle, which was gone in seconds.

‘Gretch, did that Ashley R steal your ears or somethin’? She’s chewing out Randal! Lucky.’, Spinelli muttered, at that moment the only person in the world wishing she could trade places with the old woman. She bit aggressively into her popsicle, as if it was Randal.

Right on cue, Randal raced past the cafeteria and towards Ms. Finster’s office, looking like he was on death row. The Gang sassily waved him goodbye, minus Mikey (who was a little too nice for that) and Gretchen (who was still kind of suspicious). Finishing her note taking about yesterday’s successful experiment segment (and scrapbooking her copy of the booth photos into the journal), Gretchen sighed and mumbled ‘I’m just saying… Literally sooo suspicious.’

The Gang, eyes as wide as the flying saucers they were sure had abducted Gretchen’s brain, all blinked rapidly and rubbed said eyes. ‘Um, Gretch? Did you say what I think you said?’, Vince asked, seriously lost. Gretchen, as red as her 6th favorite planet, coughed violently and fanned her forehead. ‘Oh, I was just, um… Mocking the Ashleys! Yes! I’m sure Spinelli would approve of such banter and frivolity!’

Spinelli chuckled and fired her finger guns. ‘Finally, some sense!’

‘Yep! Anyway, look at the time! Gym any minute! I can’t wait to get my butt kicked! Physical education, truly the finest of subjects! No offense, Vincent.’, Gretchen reassured, Vince nodding. ‘It’s cool. We’ll catch up with you!’

Once Gretchen was out of earshot, Vince turned worried again, eyeing T.J. with impatient concern. ‘What is going on, Teej? Since when does Gretchen mock anyone?’

‘Hey, are we really not gonna celebrate that our resident geek’s got taste? Now if I could just get her to pound Randal just once!’, Spinelli rubbed her hands in glee, but T.J. was agreeing with Vince. ‘It’s definitely weird, but maybe that’s what happens when you hang out with Ashley R! An Ashley’s still an Ashley!’

‘Well, you know what I think?’, Gus started, sounding surprisingly serious and strategic, as he straightened his glasses. ‘I think that we’re approaching this all wrong. If Gretchen won’t just tell us about Ashley R, she must have a good reason. Let’s be honest: What does that girl have that none of us do?’

‘Fat stacks of cash?’, T.J. asked, rubbing two fingers together like he was a smarmy salesman.

‘Jordans?’, Vince asked, sighing enviously.

‘A passionate and spiritual bond that transcends our simple, prehistoric understanding of companionship? Um, that is, wavy hair?’, Mikey nearly let slip, dreamily imagining his dear friend expressing her true self.

‘The name Ashley? No, wait, that’s my name. Um… Her school! She goes to another school!’, Spinelli snapped her fingers, and the rest all nodded in agreement. ‘Oh, I think she’s on to something!’

Gus, startled, shook his head vehemently. ‘Guys, come on! Look, what’s Gretchen’s DEFINING characteristic?’

‘Excellent hacker for heists?’, T.J. proposed.

‘She’s gigantic!’, Spinelli enthused, half impressed, half envious.

‘Her bleeding heart, the soul of a poet!’, Mikey expressed, appreciative of his friend as ever.

‘Everything…’, Vince drawled, giggling a bit, only to recover and blurt out ‘Um, that is, glasses, she has glasses!’

This time, Gus rolled his eyes AND face palmed. ‘Oh my gosh, guys, SHE’S INTO SCIENCE!’

‘Oh, yeah…’, the rest of the gang slowly nodded, remembering.

‘And… Who else is into science?’, Gus encouraged them, his hands motioning them to come to his conclusion.

25 straight seconds passed until T.J. slapped the desk excitedly. ‘Bill Nye!’

‘ASHLEY R! ASHLEY R IS! DUH!’, Gus shouted, only to take a few calming breaths and sit down in his seat again. ‘Sorry. What I mean is, none of us ever really take an interest in Gretchen’s hobbies! We barely helped her out with that telescope for the eclipse a few weeks ago!’

‘Weeks? That feels like a year and a half almost…’, Mikey mused, but the gang simply continued. ‘Okay, and?’, T.J. asked, unused to Gus coming up with the plan, but intrigued all the same.

‘Well, maybe that’s what Gretch’s been so secretive lately! Ashley R allows her to express a side of herself that she can’t with us! Maybe if we showed her that she can, she’d explain to us what’s been going on, and we can put this whole stupid thing behind us!’, Gus excitedly pitched, nearly falling from the seat he was now standing on, only to be caught by Mikey, who smiled at him and shook his head. ‘So close yet so far…’, Mikey thought to himself.

‘Okay, but how? Do we go to her house and do… Science stuff?’, Spinelli voiced, confused at the proposition.

‘Basically, yeah.’, Gus replied, proud of his plan, eyes closed in satisfaction.

‘I guess that could work…’, T.J. slowly muttered, considering it. ‘I mean, anything to help out Gretchen, no?’

‘Absolutely!’, Vince and Spinelli roared in approval, while Mikey sighed, wishing they’d move on from this arc and onto the “Gretchen being cute with her girlfriend” arc. ‘What’s it gonna take for me to see some romance in this place?’, he thought, only for thundering footsteps to be heard, as Penny Bly breathlessly reached them, hair looking all out of place. ‘Thank god I caught up with you! I just saw Gretchen walking towards the gym, and I wanted to know if you want me to spy on her! Normally I wouldn’t ask, but then I thought you guys would be all high and mighty and say…’

‘No, Penny. Like we told you yesterday, we don’t want to spy on Gretchen again.’, T.J. rejected her offer with clear disdain, while Spinelli prepared her fist. Penny gulped, shaking instinctually.

‘But…’, Vince lifted a finger, smirking mischievously. ‘Ooh, a Vince plan! Hit me, buddy!’, T.J. enthused, intrigued by what Vince had to offer.

‘Well, you know, the Ashley’s Annual Sleepover is this Friday.’

‘Yeah, they never shut up about it.’, Spinelli grunted, clenching her fist harder.

‘Yeah, and remember who Ashley R is related to? Ashley A! Despite all our investigating, we still don’t know if we can trust that girl, or if she’s being forced to work for her jerk of a cousin! I’m still not ruling out “Ashley brainwashing”.’, Vince explained, crossing his arms in annoyance. How DARE they touch his… Their Gretchen.

Penny, loving this idea, nodded like a bobblehead and pointed at Vince with her pen. ‘Yes, yes! Excellent thinking, LaSalle! There’s more than one web in this twisted tale of treachery!’

‘Now, we don’t know if it’s treachery…’, Mikey reminded, worried for his friend’s secret. That Penny seemed hellbent on discovering such things. He had no idea if she was the ethical kind of journalist!

‘Treachery or not, we need to know.’, T.J. insisted, and with a curt nod shared with Vince, he turned towards Penny. ‘If you really want to help us out, then go to the Ashley’s sleepover and get all the information you can. Then, we’ll trust you.’

Saluting, Penny slinked back into the shadows. ‘You got it, Detweiller! Penny Bly, out!’

Reaching towards the vents, she crawled in and left them in silence.

‘...Yeah, that’s Library Kid’s big sister all right.’, they all finally commented, continuing to enjoy their ice cream.

 

Later, at the gym, the kids were sorted into two separate teams for Dodgeball (coach’s favorite torture method).

But whenever have Ashley A and Gretchen let the rules get in their way?

(Mortal Kombat Movie Theme)

‘Ugh, I can’t believe Dodgeball is mandatory, even for us Ashleys.’, Ashley A groaned in frustration as she screamed and ducked from a ball, her custom made pink gym clothes already covered in sweat from that little physical exertion. ‘Eww! I don’t get what Ashley B likes about this stuff, I feel like I got slimed by crying mangos!’

‘That might be the grossest thing I’ve heard in my life.’, Gretchen replied, wearing a simple white jersey with a sweatband and shorts. She looked about as out of place as the music sounded. ‘Well, that and this song. Miyamoto above, Mortal Kombat is a blithering bane of banality.’

‘Yes, I totally know what that means.’, Ashley replied with an eyebrow raise, prompting Gretchen to sigh. ‘Curse my superior vocabulary. Let me translate to Ashley: Talk to the hand because I’d rather play Pat a Cake with Ms. Finster and Randal.’

Ashley shivered, getting the message. ‘That’s gonna haunt my nightmares.’, she then scratched her head in confusion. ‘But isn’t that, like, a video game? I thought you liked those!’

Gretchen shook her head as she just about leaned to the side to avoid an oncoming ball, that struck Upside Down girl and brought her right side up. ‘I don’t like EVERY video game! I mean, do you like every Ashley thing?’

Ashley had to admit she had a point. ‘Not… Anymore.’, she muttered, realization sinking in, as a ball came towards her. ‘Ashley, six o’clock!’, Gretchen cried, and Ashley giggled, shaking her head at Gretchen. ‘Silly Gretchy, it’s just after one o’clock!’

Groaning, Gretchen grabbed Ashley and pulled her down, the ball sailing over and knocking Randal out cold. ‘Nice.’, Gretchen and Ashley both whispered, with the former taking off her glasses. ‘Careful, they can’t see us together. Here, take mine and pretend you’re Ashley R.’

Ashley nodded and took the glasses, now seeing nothing. ‘But how are you going to see the balls coming?’

‘Use your ears and listen.’, Gretchen instructed, and Ashley did so. Hearing a whistle, she pushed Gretchen to the left and held out her hands in hope, grabbing the ball.

The coach whistled, smirking. ‘Nice catch, Ashley A! Oh, wait, you’re the one with the glasses, Ashley R! Nice catch, Ashley R! Hey, where did Ashley A go?’

Ashley and Gretchen gulped, only for Ashley B of all people to come to their rescue. ‘She must have DODGED this lesson! Ha! That’s more like it! A point in her favor.’, Ashley B marked it down in a notebook, having allowed herself to be eliminated first so she could lie down on the bench and get pampered by an army of boys crushing on her. ‘Keep fanning, I’m exhausted from all this physical education!’

Ashley and Gretchen sighed in relief, then got up and kept on dodging. ‘Your left! Wow, look at us, huh? We’re a real team!’, Ashley cried, and Gretchen ducked, hurting her knee on the floor. As she wheezed, she brought Ashley down, crying ‘Duck!’, then nodded. ‘Yeah. All it takes is listening.’

Ashley pouted, feeling heavy all of a sudden. ‘If only it could always be, like, literally that simple.’

‘I mean, it is. It’s dodgeball. It’s pretty whomping stupid. Why else do you think Coach likes it?’, Gretchen explained, feeling like that was pretty obvious.

Ashley, however, pressed on with her fears. ‘No, Gretchen, I mean… Ugh, never mind, okay?’. She crossed her arms, while Gretchen helped her up and slapped a ball away from her face. ‘Take two steps to the right. Now, what’s up?’

‘What do you mean, what’s up? The ceiling?’, Ashley said with a hint of edge, but Gretchen ignored it and stepped closer to her, only for Ashley to push her back. ‘Ball your way.’, she explained, and Gretchen ducked again. ‘Well, Ashley… Quick, jump up. Well, because you always pout and cross your arms when you’re REALLY upset. And your whole body gets all heavy, you lose all your ridiculous amounts of energy. I don’t need glasses to tell by now.’

Ashley sighed, jumping over a ball. ‘Okay, you got me. I can’t lie to you. Just like I can’t… Oh, wait, come over here. Just like I can’t lie to myself. I’m worried about the Annual Ashley Sleepover today.’

‘Is it because it’s at Ashley B’s? I concur, that’s like stepping into the lion’s den.’, Gretchen agreed, as the two made a chain with their hands and pulled each other back and forth depending on where the ball was.

‘Well, that doesn’t help, but it’s more than that, Gretchy! I just… I think The Ashley’s are STILL suspicious I’m frontin’, even after yesterday! And worse, Ashley B still seems really down to frown at me! This party’s supposed to be off the hook as always, but I’m worried it’s gonna be lame! Lame because somehow we’re STILL not the way we used to be and all that!’, Ashley explained, spiraling further into a teary rant. She could feel her eyes begin to water. Any minute and she’d tarnish Gretchen’s glasses with her stupid selfish feelings.

Gretchen, sympathetic despite her own problems, tried to offer a silver lining. ‘Now, now, let’s not short circuit, Ash! Maybe you’re just being paranoid! It’s been a while since you felt truly comfortable with The Ashleys, just like my friends and I! Maybe we need to use this break from the friendship experiment to reaffirm our old friendships too! After all, it’s not like we’re only gonna rendezvous with each other!’

‘That’s true…’, Ashley admitted, slapping a ball away from Gretchen. ‘Plus, I’m kinda fiendin’ for the B household grindage. She can bulk order Kid Cuisine and Bagel Bites! My dad at least insists on cooking once in a while, her parents don’t care!’

‘I’ll admit, that sounds more concerning for her family situation than cool, but hey, whatever floats your boat.’, Gretchen smirked, dipping her away from the ball. ‘See? You’re already excited! Plus, I bet you can gossip and watch TV and, um, compare nails? Whatever you girls do at a sleepover.’

‘Heh, heh, we compare nail polish, Gretchen, not nails! But you’ll learn that soon enough next week…’, Ashley smirked, and Gretchen gulped. ‘Don’t remind me. I’ll have less stressful trips to the surgeon's room.’

Ashley giggled, and instantly, Gretchen felt better. She hated seeing Ashley like this. Their friendship wasn’t supposed to ruin all the other ones! As they rose up, she squeezed her hand in solidarity. ‘We both need this. Let’s make the best of it, huh? No need to get all worried about lies and cover stories and whatnot. Just you, me, and our old friends. Except, you know, we’re not gonna see each other, but you get it.’

‘Which is a shame! I have to wait a WHOLE day to see this secret project of yours? How did you even get any work on that this week?’, Ashley grinned, impressed, and Gretchen couldn’t help but brag a little, enjoying the attention. ‘Oh, I have my ways, Ms. Richter.’

Ashley’s grin slowly shifted into a grateful smile. She squeezed back. ‘You’re right. I’m literally overthinking this. I’ll just take a chill pill and raise the roof in that crunk. And you do the same, girlfriend! Live up that unpopular life! I wanna hear all about how happy your loser… I mean, cool friends make you!’

‘Now there’s the Ashley I know! Blindly optimistic in front of the rules of physics!’, Gretchen cracked, though she also smiled appreciatively at Ashley’s words. She really hoped this would work, she missed her friends and wanted a break from lying to them. Ashley nudged her. ‘The rules of physics ain’t got nothing on Gretchley!’

‘Gretchley?’, Gretchen questioned, confused. Ashley was quick to explain. ‘It’s like, our names together! Gretchen plus Ashley, Gretchley!’

‘Ah, like a team thing?’, Gretchen nodded, understanding. ‘Yeah!’, Ashley explained, happy Gretchen was accepting it. ‘Where’d you get that from? I never heard of that.’, Gretchen asked, curious. ‘Oh, I heard someone use it for those two from that dumb X-Files thing, I thought it was cute!’

Gretchen, well aware of what that term now meant, decided that dying in a gymnasium from being given a shipping name by her totally platonic friend would not be ideal for her plans that weekend, and so, just pretended she didn’t hear anything. Suddenly, they heard Gus cry out next to them ‘Stop holding hands and move aside, rookies!’. As the duo blushed a little at how long they held hands, Gus rose up and spiked a ball right towards Ashley Q, who was busy talking to Ashley T and spiking it back without looking. Gus roared to the song’s tune and hit back, and Ashley Q responded with another strike back. The two hit the ball back and forth over and over while the rest of the gym just stared in confusion at this unlikely final, outside of Ashley T and Cornchip Girl, who were very much enjoying the spectacle. ‘What a man!’, Cornchip Girl fanned herself. Ashley T covered Barbshley’s eyes. ‘Lord forgive me for my unholy thoughts, I’m just… Practicing for when boys… Do that. Gulp.’

‘...Yeah, perhaps we’d all benefit from a break.’, Gretchen voiced, as Ashley nodded. ‘Damn, skippy.’

 

Later that day, before the sleepover but after school, Ashley B had much to arrange at her house.

So she sat in her bed and had Menlo do it.

‘Did you arrange last minute details on the landline?’, Ashley B asked with her back to Menlo, busy arranging something.

‘Yes, Ashley B…’, Menlo started, frustrated as he climbed up the stairs, only to be interrupted by Ashley B, who chided him like a mother. ‘Ap, ap, ap!’

‘...Yes, President Ashley.’, Menlo gagged out, shivering like he just said a forbidden word. ‘What would my dear Ashley A think?’

‘Ashley A better get used to it like you. Because even if she DOES prove herself today, I am far more fit for the presidency. I don’t need to constantly prove I can be trusted.’, Ashley B reminded, still fiddling with something Menlo couldn’t see.

As he sighed and placed spice girl plates full of creme savors, face twisters sour candy dough, crazy dips, spray candy, fun dip and pop qwiz down on Ashley B’s mega tea party set (pink table, chairs, saucers, etc.), he couldn’t help but voice a niggling question that bothered every wrinkle of his brain. ‘...Why?’

‘Why? Why what?’, Ashley B asked absent mindedly, getting her special fit for the party ready and trying out each accessory in front of her personal mirror. She was going to out glamor Ashley A or die trying.

‘Why does she have to prove herself?’, Menlo asked, arranging the Cosmopolitans by date. He was STILL Menlo. ‘Didn’t she already do so? I remember you were pleased with how she handled the project with Gretchen, not to mention you wouldn’t stop bragging about how your Annual Ashley Sleepover two weeks ago was the best one ever. Why does she need to prove herself again?’

‘You mean, besides the fact that you were dressed like her in her room?’, Ashley B’s reply was laced with impatience and venom, and Menlo instantly regretted protesting in Ashley’s defense, but B still provided an answer. ‘You can deny it all you want, Menlo. Something is up with her. I don’t know what, and maybe yesterday was a fluke. But I’m a lot smarter than people think. I’m second in command for a reason.’

Suddenly, Ashley B’s father and mother, both pacing back and forth outside the room, constantly yapping on their phones about work meetings, looked into the room for a moment. ‘We’ll be out all night, Armbruster Reality first quarter planning sessions. Brittney and Tyler are with friends. You’re fine on your own, right?’

Before Ashley B could answer, the parents took it as a yes and began to depart. As if possessed, Ashley B suddenly raced towards them and blocked their way to the stairs. ‘Hey, um… What do you think of my new look? For the party? Pretty fly, huh?’

‘It’s great, Ashley.’, they remarked, marching downstairs like two robots on the run. The echo was obscene, ringing across the practical mansion of a house like volcanic eruptions. Everything in the house was remarkably clean, shiny, pristine and untouched. The dinner table didn’t even have chairs next to it, and there was a disturbing lack of family photos. To all intents and purposes, this was a ghost family. Here, Ashley B held no position. The Ashleys clubhouse was different. There, you’d know Ashley B existed.

Ashley B stood there for a moment, fists clenched so violently you could have sworn she’d explode, before marching back into her room and to her other project: a huge Polly Pocket collection with 4 specific houses that bore striking resemblances to her and the Ashleys. ‘...I’m second in command for a reason.’, she repeated, as if under a spell, and Menlo wasn’t sure if pressing on was wise, so he decided not to.

They worked a little more in silence, while Ashley B focused specifically on her and Ashley A’s lockets, positioning the two little dolls next to each other. ‘Ashley A, I know you must be fed up with me by now. I’m sure you think I’m some… Some power hungry scrub. But I’ve worked SOOO hard to get to where I am, to earn my place on the Ashleys, and it’s all thanks to you. You held me to high standards and got the best out of me. I’m just… Returning the favor.’

In Ashley B’s mind, she was truly doing the right thing. In Ashley B’s heart, she felt a void, a void not filled since Purple Day. Call it best friend intuition, but she knew that Ashley A was… Different. Perhaps that different wasn’t a bad thing. Perhaps she was just going through some… Phase!

But phase or not, understandable or not, even if she came across like some greedy, selfish bitch, Ashley B knew that one fact reigned supreme, one fact made her life worth it, made this big empty house worth it, made this big empty family worth it…

‘Ashleys literally before all.’, Ashley B whispered, as she stared in hopeful desperation at her notebook, taping Ashley A’s doll onto it as a prison till she proved worthy of escaping, stuck underneath a headline simply titled “Ashley Trials”.

 

‘So, to recap…’, Penny asked, jotting words down a mile a minute like she was faster than the speed of light. One could tell writing was a passion, alongside sneaking around for a story. One would have thought Penny had tickets to Disneyland. ‘While you 5 go to Gretchen’s to work your “Special Interest theory”...’

‘I prefer Operation: Hobby-steria, but you do you.’, T.J. commented, leaning on a street lamp. The kids were in the middle of the street, with the orange afternoon sun casting shadows all over them. It was like a scene out of a shady western.

‘I will shadow the Ashleys to the party and listen in to the whole thing with my “toys”...’, Penny chuckled conspiratorially, revealing her bugs and lockpicks. She wiggled them around her fingers like a yo-yo.

Mikey sighed, clearly doubtful about this plan. ‘Isn’t this worryingly similar to what Richard Nixon did?’

‘Didn’t he do the V-sign? That means peace, that’s good, no?’, Spinelli asked, missing the point. ‘Yeah, I’m not a crook!’, T.J. impersonated, making her laugh and nudge him.

Mikey sighed, emotions swirling around his stomach, as he clutched it. ‘It just don’t feel right. Not even to the Ashleys. It’s one thing to spy on them when we know they’re doing something wrong, but they’re just having a sleepover! We don’t even know if Ashley R will be there! Plus, she sounded, um, quite trustworthy!’

‘And what makes you think that?’, Vince asked, crossing his arms. ‘Where’s your evidence, man?’

‘That’s what I gay, I mean say, okay?’, Mikey protested, holding his real reasons back as much as he can. ‘Big Guy, I get it, honest, but sometimes you gotta bend the rules a bit for your friends! Think of all the times we’ve broken school rules! This is for Gretchen, not for ice cream or balls!’, Gus reminded, patting his friend’s back. ‘I know that, Little Guy, but…’, Mikey protested again, before Penny (desperate to keep the operation going) grabbed his hand and tightened it hard, like a handshake of life or death importance. ‘Mikey, look at me.’

Mikey did, and he was startled by the steely determination in Penny’s eyes, mixed in with something curiously innocent, the moral code of a well meaning child. ‘There’s nothing I value more than exposing the truth. If Ashley R is innocent, then I will see to it that your friends come to terms with that fact. But if something is afoot, I will sniff it out with no discrimination.’

Something about the promise felt true and genuine, and despite his brain’s worries, his gut feeling told him that deep down, Penny could be trusted. With a slight nod, Mikey allowed her to try. ‘Okay. I’ll trust you, Penny.’

Penny nearly opened her mouth when hearing her name, but stopped herself. With a salute, she squirreled away, riding on a bicycle towards Ashley B’s house.

And with a curt nod shared, the gang began walking over to Gretchen’s house, hoping to finally crack the mystery of her heart.

 

Ashley had never understood the term “Butterflies in my stomach”. First of all, how did they get there? They only lived for one day! Secondly, butterflies were too cute to ever be somewhere as gross as the human body!

Most importantly, Ashley didn’t get nervous. Nerves were for losers with no class or style. An Ashley had to control every room she walked in, to be the center of attention. You couldn’t do that if you were afraid of said attention!

And yet, for the first time in her life, Ashley felt this strange and worrying sensation, as her father drove her ever closer to Ashley B’s house. It was almost 17:00, and the sun was beginning to set. Soon, all of the town would be bathed in the inky night, except for the Annual Ashley Sleepover, that would only be cast with shadows of deception.

Ashley hated this nervous feeling, it felt so… UnAshley. This was supposed to be fun, like Gretchen had said. She looked forward to all the activities they’d be up to. What was wrong? What was off?

Mr. Armbruster, overhearing her small, nearly imperceptible whimpers of concern, smirked and made his voice deeper to sound like he was landing a plane. ‘Um… Attention, passengers, this is your, urrrrr, captain speaking… On your left you can see houses featuring background characters no one cares about… ummm… On your right you can see the Boulet residence, our final destination, where you’ll find the lovely Ashley Armbruster situated for tonight. Make sure to fawn over her and maybe you’ll be blessed with a smidge of her beauty.’

Ashley perked up, and couldn’t help but smile, rolling her eyes affectionately. Her daddy was always finding silly ways to make her smile. Usually she didn’t pay much attention to it, but now? Now it was worth its weight in gold.

Opening her car door and slinking out like a cat (fittingly enough, considering who was napping in her backpack), Ashley turned back to her father, who had lowered the window for her to speak, and with a voice uncharacteristically quiet, whispered ‘Thanks for driving me, daddy.’

A simple sentence, really. Ridiculously simple. And it spoke to the problematic Armbruster family dynamic that such a phrase was so very rarely heard.

But for Xavier (who was doggone tired from a long day at work, and was unfortunately going to have to drive back for the first quarter meeting), those words worked better than any cup of coffee.

‘You enjoy yourself, princess, okay? These are the best years of your life, with the bestest friends you’ll ever have. Live it up for me, will ya?’, he asked, softly, and Ashley nodded, even giving him a little kiss on the forehead.

Waving goodbye (as did sleepy Ashley M from the backpack), Ashley A took a deep breath and stared up at the Boulet mansion, a green two story house with trees as far as the eye could see. It was so large and imposing, you could only just about see the beginnings of the moon hide behind the shed. Ashley thought of what Gretchen and her father said, and determined to make the most of it, stepped onto the patio and rang the doorbell, that echoed like church bells on mass. Dingggg, donggggg, dinggggg, donggggg… Dinggggg, donggggg, dinggggg, dongggggg…’

So enamored she was with the sound that Ashley didn’t notice the door open, until Ashley B cleared her throat loudly, eyes glazing in annoyance.

Ashley, startled by the sudden sound, jumped, as did Ashley M from out the backpack, landing on the girl’s head, both laughing nervously. ‘Heh, heh… Sorry, Ashley, I was just distracted by your door bell. It sounded SOOOOOOO nice!’, she tried complimenting, sure that it was a very adult thing to compliment.

Ashley B, however, simply got more annoyed. ‘I’ve had that doorbell my entire life.’

‘...Just goes to show how much taste you had even as a baby!’, Ashley A tried to save, her smile growing more and more awkward, as she swung her fist from one side to the other to emphasize the taste.

Ashley B sighed, shaking her head. ‘WhatEVER. Let’s just get this party started, girl.’

Taking this as an invitation to enter, Ashley wiped her shoes on the mat (just in case) and strolled in, amazed as always by how wide and all encompassing Ashley B’s house was. To her, it looked like a palace out of a fairytale, the white decor nearly blinding.

So was Ashley B’s ensemble: Alongside an absolutely sparkling honey yellow dress with bumblebee earrings, she was sporting pretty butterfly clips in her hair, shiny black platform shoes that made her seem taller than any of the Ashleys, and a sequined belt that glimmered like 500 suns encrusted with diamonds. Ashley had to block her eyes at first, so taken aback by the look. ‘Like, shut up, girl! You look LITERALLY Milano! Literally!’

‘Thank you, thank you. It is quite the SCANDALOUS look.’, Ashley B took the praise, but focused back on her mission immediately. She could value the praise later. ‘Now, until Ashley Q and Ashley T arrive, make yourself comfortable, treat yourself to our state of the art Diet Coke fountain.’

Ashley gawked at the fountain, a new addition to B’s reportraire. She happily scooped up some with a ready glass engraved with Ashley B’s face, and savored the flavor, making happy humming noises. ‘That’s SO yummy! I think I can taste my dentist’s disapproval!’

‘15% more industrial. We Boulet’s have high standards. It’s how one survives in this cutthroat business.’, B explained with a smug grin, stabbing a barbie kitchen knife onto the table (the knife falling flatly on the side). Smirking, she whispered to the still drinking Ashley ‘Make the most of this rest, A. My plans are gonna make this an unforgettable sleepover, and you need to be at your peak Ashley performance.’

This gave Ashley pause, and she stopped drinking greedily to voice her concerns. ‘Um, yeah, like, about that? I was wondering… What ARE those plans? I’m sure they’re TOTALLY schway, but you know, a girl likes to be prepared.’

Ashley B grinned maliciously, sending a shiver down Ashley A’s spine. ‘That’s for me to know and for you to find out. But don’t worry…’, she remarked, as she left the table and looked back menacingly, snapping her fingers. ‘A proper Ashley would pass this with her eyes closed.’

With that, Ashley B retreated to the kitchen to prepare some things, while Ashley A now found herself very small and alone in the gigantic living room, surrounded by a whole lot of white nothingness, and a diet coke fountain that was suddenly less enticing.

As if to answer her scared shaking, Ashley M climbed out of the backpack and meowed at Ashley A, who bit her lip in fear and whispered like she was hiding from a monster. ‘Ashley M, baby, listen: I think Ashley B is trying to prove my loyalty again. We don’t know what she’s capable of, and honestly… I don’t know if I can do it alone.’

Ashley M instantly saluted, ready to help, and Ashley A smiled slightly and rubbed her head in appreciation. ‘Thank you, Muffin.’

Shifting into a serious stare, the two conspiratorially planned their survival. ‘Here’s what we’ll do: I’ll take on her silly game, while you warn me each time of what’s gonna happen. If you think it’s too much for me too handle, or you see me struggle, then rush over to Gretchen’s house. It isn’t far from here, thankfully.’

Ashley M nodded curtly, and sneakily prowled towards the kitchen, ready to find out what Ashley B’s twisted mind was concocting.

Ashley A, meanwhile, took another swig of diet coke, feeling the total opposite of relaxed and “living it up”. ‘I knew this was a bad week to quit.’, she voiced, taking a bubblegum cigar and puffing on it as if it were a real one.

 

‘So, are we all clear on the plan?’, Gus asked, still surprisingly in charge, as the gang marched down the street, Gretchen’s house in their sights. Opening the fence and letting everyone through first, Mikey nodded, albeit reluctantly. ‘Oh, I’m clear. We’re emotionally manipulating Gretchen by feigning interest in her area of expertise, you know, something she’s probably been secretly hoping for for years.’

‘I’d word it a lil nicer…’, T.J. remarked, struggling to deny that that was what it was in a nutshell. Pure motivation or not, they were still using dirty tactics. Was this a new thing for them? No, no it wasn’t. But it was hard not to at least feel a bittersweet taste to the whole sordid affair.

‘I’d word it “necessary”. If we’re Gretchen’s friends, then we have to do everything in our power to find out if something is wrong with her. If she won’t be straight with us, why should we be straight with her?’, Vince countered while stepping across Gus to take the closest spot to the door, his words oddly prophetic all things considered.

‘Guys, are we still debating this? We all agreed Gretchen’s been acting all coco for coco puffs lately! We absolutely HAVE to investigate this! If that means a little acting, so what, big deal! Gretchen would know that it came from a good place.’, Spinelli doubled down, looking back for a moment. She was expecting Randall to pop up, but he wasn’t there… Yet.

Mikey sighed and rolled his eyes, displeased with his friends activity, but too non confrontational to go any further in protest. He stuck to a simple crossing of his arms. ‘I’m just saying, what if Gretchen wants to keep this private?’

‘Why? You know anything?’, Vince asked, suspicious of his friend suddenly, raising an eyebrow and staring him right in the eyes. Mikey averted his gaze, worried his cover would break.

Suddenly, a sharp whistle sounded, and everyone turned to Gus, who shook his head at them, steely and serious. ‘Guys, focus! We’re here to help a friend, not turn on each other!’

Vince eased up, instantly filling with shame. Why had he jumped like that? ‘Sorry, Mikey.’, he said, leaving the rest unspoken.

Mikey didn’t need to hear it. He simply nodded. ‘It’s cool, Vince.’

Everyone now prime and ready, Gus flashed a thumb’s up and knocked on the door.

Gretchen, who had spotted them earlier from her window, was already at the door, grinning from ear to ear. It had been a while since anyone had seen her THAT happy, at least, anyone whose name didn’t start with A and end with Shley Armbruster/Richter. ‘Greetings, friends!’, she beamed, her feet beginning to descend to the yard below. ‘What’s on the agenda? Did you bring your frisbee, Vince? Because I was considering some modifications to soup it up a little for you! I read this fascinating article in Metal and Wood about how the likelier a head injury, the more fun one has…’, the scientist ranted, only to be stopped by Spinelli, who shook her head.

Confused, Gretchen swiveled her head back to T.J, who elbowed Gus, reminding him it was his plan. Gus, suddenly shrinking a little, attempted to cough out the pitch. ‘Oh, um… Well, you see, Gretchen, the gang and I were just thinking about, um…’, he trailed off, and realizing he needed help, T.J stepped in. ‘About HOW we do all kinds of things, but we don’t really do YOU things, you know?’. Gus, relieved, nodded enthusiastically, subtly fist bumping T.J. ‘Yes, exactly, that! You things!’

‘Me things?’, Gretchen tilted her head, confused at first, only to understand, as she snapped her fingers and clicked her tongue. ‘Oh, of course! You mean my scientific endeavors, right?’

Vince, who was smiling a little too hard, flashed a thumb’s up. ‘Uh huh! I mean, you’re part of the gang, right? We’re supposed to respect every group member’s interests! I personally think that it’s really, um, wizard, how you’re a woman of science and stuff.’

Gretchen blinked at that adjective, long enough for Spinelli to push her back into the house. ‘So why not show us that ol’ lab of yours, huh? Any cool projects you got going on? Any that involve violence? Because that would actually be intere…’, she began, only for T.J to shake his head violently, making Spinelli stutter and rephrase. ‘That is, um, that would be… Surprising! Since you’re not really that cool VIOLENT… I meant violent!’

Gretchen shrugged, confused. ‘Since when are you this obsessed with hurting people?’

‘I haven’t given Randall a good beatdown in ages, okay? I’m in withdrawal, gimmie a break.’, Spinelli explained, shuffling her feet. Perhaps she was just feeling a lil bad about lying. This was so much easier on TV, when it was obvious who was the good guy and bad guy. Why couldn’t life be more like WWF?

Moving on from that, Gretchen stared at the gang, who were all smiling widely, except for Mikey, who just seemed kinda down, and bit her lip, uncertain at this odd display. ‘Since when do they care? They don’t really find my gadgeteering interesting. Not that I’m complaining, but this is sort of out of the blue.’, she thought, measuring the possibilities, only to remember her own advice for Ashley. ‘What am I, a hypocrite? My friends are being nice, and here I am, suspecting the worst! Especially after all the lying I have done, what place do I have to consider other motives? No, no, I said I’d have fun, and I will!’

Playing up the part a little to truly get into it, Gretchen put on a big smile again (just with more effort needed) and waved onto the stairs. ‘I’d be honored to share my latest works with my dearest companions! Free admission, just try not to ruin the carpet!’

Making up the rear of the group, Gretchen’s smile grew a little more genuine. ‘I sure hope Ashley’s getting this lucky!’

 

Meanwhile, outside of Ashley B’s house…

(to the tune of “In the Hall of the Mountain King” by Edvard Grieg)

Penny Bly, armed head to teeth with notebooks, cameras, lockpicks and chicken liver and onion omelets (hey, a person gets hungry) crawling from one bush to the next, from one tree branch to the next, sang aloud to a theme song she cooked up for herself just a few hours earlier, as she got closer and closer to her target destination:

“I was born to chase a lead,

I’m a sly, sneaky stead.

Except I’m not a horse

But you must know what I mean!

At the paper office, yes

Where I work, but I digress

I expose, dirty lies,

That harm democracy!

Call me smarmy, call me snitch,

Call me a dirty, rotten bi…Stitch

Cool it, dude, I’ve got the ‘tude to blow up this whole sitch!

So I’m slimy, all alone,

I’ll be read, tome to tome

I’ll win ya over, like Augustus won over Rome (I’m smart, see?)

Love isn’t shared, it’s earned

Got no wings? Just twist and turn

Be the one to spoil the fun and laugh as it all burns!

This is it, this my chance, this my moment to entrance

Fear the truth? No, Fear the sleuth

Penny’s gonna dance!

Fear the truth, no, fear the sleuth,

Penny’s gonna danceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

And just as she finished singing, she swung from one branch, missed the next, and smacked into the mirror, smearing over it as Ashley A drank her diet coke sadly.

Despite the pain, she still managed to cheer for herself. ‘Yay… Penny’s number one, baby…’

Fainting onto the ground, Penny quickly got up and set up her spy equipment, starting off with a simple listen in from the window. ‘Let’s see what our sound quality is like…’, she muttered, straining her ears. Unfortunately, she could barely make up any words, unless Ashley A had had a stroke, of course, and had said ‘Flicka bliga smagga wagga ding dong’.

‘I guess it’s not very… Sound.’, Penny joked, suddenly pushing a button on her boombox, which played a laugh track. ‘I told her it was a SOUND investment!’, she quipped again, pushing the button once more. ‘Yep, worth every PENNY.’, she joked one last time, before slapping herself with a hand puppet made of mops. ‘Penny, this is serious! Focus on your mission!’, she imitated a gruff voice, before saluting. ‘Aye aye, captain.’, she narrowed her eyes, and tiptoed towards the other side of the house, searching for a ladder to climb onto the window.

While she did that, the two other Ashley’s finally arrived from very different car atmospheres: Ashley T was sent off with a drawing of a rabbit’s foot, her mother buried knee deep in astrology magazines while her father kept turning the key the wrong way to stop the car. As she simply rolled her eyes at her parents interesting interpretation of human thought, stepping off carefully so as to not get any mud on her sea foam green dress (she was told to dress very importantly for the challenges), she took note of the other arriving car, hoping it was Ashley Q being fashionably late too. It would make them similar, and for reasons Ashley T just couldn’t yet truly comprehend, that would make her giggly for the rest of the evening.

Ashley Q had nothing to feel giggly about, however. As she unbuckled her seatbelt, the cold metal momentarily sending a chill through her palm, she felt nothing out of the ordinary. After all, this was the sensation she felt every second spent with these people. Her father, a rigid wall of muscle that couldn’t be moved by Zeus himself, slowly parked the car and refused to turn his face to her, as did her mother, who was about the most elegant and esteemed company one could hope for, akin to meeting a nymph. Ashley Q had to take people’s words for it.

‘...Well, I’ll be going…’, Ashley Q started, only for her father to do that gruff cough which meant “Listen up, child”, and so, she reluctantly froze, awaiting the inevitable scolding.

Her mother started, still refusing to turn, the shadows of their “concern” the only visual spared for Ashley Q. ‘You spend far too much time partaking in such trivial pursuits, daughter.’

‘Quite.’ her father agreed, gripping the steering wheel like it was made of play-do. ‘You’re a growing girl. You need to start thinking of your future in Armbruster Reality. COO is a serious position. It requires commitment and effort. Qualities you lack in spades.’

Ashley Q bit her lip. This was no unusual thing. In fact, if Ashley T ever let herself notice the girl’s lips more, she would have noticed the scar that had developed by now from years of biting. Opting not to speak, Ashley Q simply nodded.

‘Tomorrow, we expect you up for a tour at 5:30 sharp.’, Mrs. Quinlan coldly stated, Mr. Quinlan nodding slightly.

Ashley Q balked at this, however, her fighting spirit unable not to protest. ‘Ah… What? It’s Saturday tomorrow! And Armbruster Reality doesn’t open until 8:00!’

The death grip her hand suddenly received made her bite her tongue this time instead, drawing just a spot of blood. There was no light behind the eyes that stared her down, but that wasn’t news to Ashley Q. ‘We can always drive home.’, her father “gently threatened”, and Ashley Q shook her head, fear flaring up in every hair on her body. ‘I… Don’t know what came over me, father. I’ll follow your orders.’

‘You better.’, was the chilling response.

Stumbling out of the car, Ashley Q nearly ruined her sky blue dress, the wet grass in Ashley B’s yard shedding dew tears onto the hems. She breathed deeply, trying to ignore how they ignored her by leaving without so much as a goodbye.

Suddenly, she felt the presence of a hand in front of her face, which instinctually made her flinch, until she realized whose hand it was. Soft and sweet, a chocolate milk brown swirl that was as natural and soothing as mother earth’s proudest lands. But it wasn’t natural enough… It wasn’t the way things were meant to be…

Ashley Q reluctantly took the hand, and did everything she could to ignore the electric sparks bursting from every fingertip shared with Ashley T. If she did notice, she would burn like a forest fire, and then perhaps no one, not even her parents, could douse her down to reality.

‘Literally schway evening, huh, Ashley Q? Perfect for an Annual Ashley Sleepover!’, Ashley T cheerfully greeted, unable to contain her joy at seeing the ginger trendsetter.

Ashley Q, unable to uncontain her joy at seeing the bashful brunette, directed all her resentment and frustrations at Ashley A, the girl ruining her one escape from life. ‘That depends on Ashley A, doesn’t it?’

Ashley T gulped, nodding quietly. ‘I’m sure B’s plan will work.’

Ashley Q would have liked to be certain. But right now, she was experiencing the only thing worse than falling into hell: Falling into hell and not knowing if there’s a level below.

‘Come on. Let’s make sure B’s just paranoid.’, Q expressed, and she and T silently walked towards the house, hands begging to touch again but ripped away by the nature of their forms.

‘Dingggg, donggggg, dinggggg, donggggg… Dinggggg, donggggg, dinggggg, dongggggg…’

The door was swiftly opened, but not by Ashley B. It was instead Ashley A, who beamed uncontrollably at her friends, a necessary lighthouse in the storm that was building in her mind’s eye. ‘Girls! SOOOOOO schway to see you! Totes da bomb! Ooh, you are lookin’ hella fine! No one told me there was gonna be a dress code.’, she enthused, then chuckled in embarrassment, feeling very out of place in her casual “Hello Kitty” pink Tee and comfortable brown skirt. Was this not a slumber party?

Ashley Q ignored her spiel, walking right past her to talk to Ashley B in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Ashley T offered her an awkward smile, knowing full well what was about to happen. ‘Yeah, um, it’s just part of Ashley B’s plans!’

‘Ashley B seems really excited about all this. You think it’s gonna be our best crunk of the year so far?’, Ashley A asked excitedly, eyes sparkling, and Ashley T decided to let her have this moment at least. ‘Yeah, I’m… Literally sure.’, she lied, hoping against hope that Ashley B was wrong, since she already wanted to apologize to Ashley A for all that was about to transpire.

Alas, it was too late. Out of the kitchen stepped Ashley B and Q (the former signaling T to join), the three Ashley’s now looking quite a bit more… Important than Ashley A, who was feeling sillier and sillier just in her casual clothes. It didn’t help that B’s mansion was so enormous, with wide open spaces. It was as if the far away walls wouldn’t even close on Ashley, so unimportant she was.

Standing in a row in front of her, the three Ashley’s slowly raised a CD player and put on “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. Ashley A would normally have instantly begun dancing to the hypnotic beat, but she could feel that this was a solemn moment, and stood still, growing increasingly anxious about all this pomp and circumstance.

‘Ashley Armbruster the second, present yourself to the rest of the club, please.’, Ashley B commanded, voice brimming with authority. For a moment, Ashley A had thought her own mother was speaking. Walking up to the three, she awkwardly presented her clothes and sheepishly grinned. ‘Um, present! Not as… Prim and proper as I’d prefer, but…’

‘Ap, ap, ap.’, Ashley B silenced her with a finger to the lips, before snapping her fingers to order B and T around. The duo snapped (ha) into action and raced to the side cabinet, which had the landline phone atop its white and green doily, and by the sunflower vase. While they did this (well, Ashley Q did, Ashley T was already gasping for air), Ashley B stared down at Ashley A, and while the former was the same height as the latter, somehow, Ashley A felt like a dwarf next to her.

‘You must be wondering what all this is about, aren’t you?’, B whispered, perhaps enjoying this position of power a little too much. Ashley A definitely thought it was odd how much fun B was having when all she had done so far was act weird, but she decided to play along. It wasn’t like she had a clue what was going on, anyway. ‘Totally.’, Ashley replied, hand reaching out towards a recently laid bowl of creme savors.

B slapped her hand away, making A gasp and kiss her pain away. ‘Owie! What was that for?!’, Ashley protested, startled at the attack. ‘That’s not very stylish, or…’

‘On the contrary, dear Ashley! This is all ABOUT beauty, style, and attitude! Specifically, yours!’, Ashley B explained loudly and enthusiastically, waving an umbrella around like a cane as the landline phone was placed next to the slightly less confused fashionista. She was starting to realize what was going on.

‘Oh no… Are you still… Unsure of my loyalty to the Ashley’s?’, Ashley A asked, tears stinging her eyes. Half because they didn’t trust her… Half because she knew they truly couldn’t.

‘Oh, it’s FAR more complicated than that!’, Ashley B seemed to reassure, which made Ashley feel better. She really didn’t wanna stain the gorgeous cashmere carpet with her tears. B put an arm around her, allowing her just a little bit of human contact before the trials began. ‘You see, we just think that an organization like ours should be extra sure after a SCANDALOUS disaster such as “Purple Day”, don’t you, Ashley A?’

Ashley A gulped, unable to deny the concept proposed by B. ‘I… I suppose…’, she stuttered, fingers shaking in fear. Wasn’t this supposed to be just a fun lil sleepover?

As if to answer her question, Ashley B continued speaking of the plan. ‘Now, now, we’ll get to the fun parts soon enough, I promise. After all, if you have nothing to hide, truly, then this should be a walk in the park, no?’

Ashley A again had to agree with B, and she nodded obediently. Only problem was she DID have something to hide. ‘But, um, if I may… What makes you think that… That I still need to prove myself? I kinda thought I already did.’, Ashley nervously laughed, wishing this was a dream, wishing she could just wake up and it was Purple Day again and she could start all over…

‘I don’t think you need to!’, Ashley T spoke up, only to get death glares from B and Q. Yiping, she contradicted herself, nodding her head and shaking her hands. ‘That is, um, I’m like the judge of a hot boy contest featuring the Backstreet Boys: Undecided!’

B explained her reasoning, as the phone cabinet wheeled closer and closer to A. ‘Oh, it’s VERY simple, Ashley. We DO want to believe you, but there are still a few odd loose ends that make us want to be extra sure. You know how high our standards are. We cannot afford any weak points, can we?’

Once more, Ashley A agreed, ignoring how terrible she felt inside. She wasn’t weak, she just liked Gretchen, that’s all! She could be both! ‘I can be both, damn it!’, she thought, but B had an ace in the hole to make sure she complied with the challenges.

‘Besides, just yesterday we were all quite surprised when we walked into your room and found Menlo playing the dollar store version of you.’, B hissed in her ear, and now Ashley A knew she had no choice. She had to do this, she had to pass this, or else her friends wouldn’t love her anymore!

‘...I have nothing to hide. I’m an Ashley, through and true. Like, talk to the hand, because this girl ain’t leavin’ anywhere!’, Ashley pumped herself up, hoping it would at least lower some of the pressure.

Ashley B certainly seemed to deem it an acceptable answer, glare noticeably lowering a bit. Nodding at Q and T, the two finally handed the phone to Ashley A, who was confused. ‘So, um, do you want me to order pizza, or…’, Ashley started, making everyone laugh. ‘I see your humor hasn’t been lost, at least.’, Ashley B grinned, shaking her head. ‘Of course we’d give you a harder challenge than that! Plus, don’t you remember what we use the landline for?’

Ashley A’s eyes glinted as she flashed back to the picture of her and Q in her locker, realizing what they were implying. Despite herself, a small sinister smile grew. She was STILL Ashley A, after all. ‘Oh, you want me to prank call someone? Wow, like, that’s literally soooooooo funny! You really had me going, guys! I could do this in my sleep!’, Ashley bragged, spinning the receiver like a plate in a circus. Eyes closed confidently, she whistled as she hovered over the numbers (of course, she had memorized every phone number in her class). ‘So, like, who are we gonna mess with? Sue Bob? Cornchip Girl? Oh, oh, how about we do Spinelli? It’s been ages, and she really isn’t that smart, after all, unlike me.’, Ashley A cockily sniggered, slipping back into bad habits. Perhaps it was the relief. This WAS going to be the usual Ashley business, and in a way, she missed it a little. Plus, she wasn’t actually hurting anyone she liked (like Gretchen) or was culpable in her recent deceptions, like…

‘Menlo. I think Menlo would be a FABULOUS candidate, don’t you, Ashley Q?’, Ashley B’s smirk could have peeled off the paint on every wall. Ashley Q nodded, adding ‘Literally the best freak for the job, isn’t he, Ashley T?’. Ashley T, still a little guilty about all this, flashed two thumbs ups and hoped those sufficed as an agreement.

Ashley A’s heart dropped like an elevator allergic to heights. The color drained from her cheeks and lips. Somewhere out there, her mother was tutting in disappointment, sensing her genes tainted by slightly less attractive fellow members.

Pointing at the phone weakly, mouth so dry she could just about cough out the letters, she wheezed ‘M…Menlo?’

‘Yes, M…Menlo!’, Ashley B mocked, earning a snide laugh from Ashley Q and a forced one by Ashley T. The de facto leader tapped the numbers for Ashley A, who had frozen for some reason. ‘Why not? Menlo isn’t exactly winning any popularity contests with us. He’s not exactly a cover star on “Seventeen”, is he?’

Ashley A obviously agreed, but her hesitation came from a different area. ‘I just mean, do we HAVE to? He’s such an EASY target! Like, BO-RING ville called, they want your target, heh heh. Why not go for someone far less vital to my plans I MEAN BORING like, um… Gelman!’, Ashley tried, but B sneered. ‘No one CARES about Gelman, Ashley A!’

Somewhere out there, Gelman cried into his pillow again. But he’s not important to the story, so we move.

Patting her shoulder with glistening honey nails, Ashley B buzzed around Ashley A, pestering her to go on. ‘Come on, Ashley A, this is in your BLOOD. I thought you said we had nothing to worry about? I thought you said you’re full Ashley, all the time?’

‘I am, I am!’, Ashley A insisted, getting a little angry for a moment. Just because she liked Gretchen didn’t make her any less of an Ashley.

‘Then it shouldn’t be hard to prank Menlo, right?’, Ashley B posited, and Ashley A, after a moment, nodded resolutely. Not like she liked him, after all. Plus, what did she have to do? Tell him she might let him carry her books if he did something menial like her homework?

But as she began dialing the numbers, Ashley B chose this inopportune time to call the challenge, in order to REALLY test her allegiance. ‘It’s SOOOO simple, Ashley A! You just have to call Menlo and flirt with him and ask him out for tomorrow!’

Ashley A could have died on the spot. In fact, she might have for a moment. She was sure she could see a bright light, and a bearded figure scratch his head, going ‘Hey, you’re not due another 90 something years!’

When she shook her head back to reality, she found herself growing even paler (unfortunately, she couldn’t enjoy how that matched her nightwear). Gulping, Ashley A tried to find some sort of excuse to get out of this for now, just to plan ahead a bit, but by the time she swallowed the lump in her throat, the voice on the other line responded. ‘Menlo residence, Menlo speaking. Files filed, numbers sorted, misdemeanors alphabetized. Would you like me to write down a message?’

Ashley B snickered evilly, rubbing her hands in glee. ‘Oh, this is perfect! He’s SUCH a dweeb! Come on, Ashley A, clown him!’

Ashley Q nodded vehemently, desperate to see someone who wasn’t herself suffer right now, while Ashley T kept herself busy with the spray candy (which definitely didn’t tick off the hungry Ashley A).

Ashley A gripped the receiver, stuck between a rock and a hard place. She didn’t like Menlo, not one bit. He was weird, a little creepy sometimes, and definitely far too obsessed. He was also a dry, boring, lifeless loser with no style, who unlike Gretchen, was also kind of a jerk to others. Hadn’t he worked with Randall one time?

But Menlo had never ACTUALLY hurt her. Never went too far, never forcibly held her hand, never took no for a yes. He was in love, yes, but he wasn’t a stalker, nor a harasser. At worst, he had flirted a lil much. Plus, he had actually helped her out with this whole mess. He hadn’t ratted her out, too, apparently.

‘But none of that matters right now, does it? Right now it’s pranking Menlo… Or losing the Ashley’s.’, Ashley A realized, and if she was honest, there wasn’t much thought needed after that.

Still, her hand shook as she answered the phone. ‘Like, um, hi, Menlo! Sup, you fine… Thing you?’, Ashley sputtered out, already feeling noxious just saying such things to Menlo. Why couldn’t he be a different boy, like… ‘Well, I’m on the spot, I’m sure I could think of someone else later.’, Ashley muttered to herself in denial.

‘Ashley? Ashley A? Is that you? My, you sure sound different! You almost sound glad to talk to me!’, Menlo replied, making the other Ashley’s laugh. Ashley A uneasily joined them, but slower, less inclined to. ‘I was sure you’d be angry after…’

Ashley, panicking, interrupted him with an alarmed and all too loud ‘Moi? Angry? You straight? I’m just fiendin’ to yap to a… Handsome guy such as yourself.’ It was ridiculously hard to say all that, but Ashley figured it was like removing a bandaid. The faster she got it done, the faster she could finish crying.

‘Are you okay? You’ve never called me handsome before. Not that I’m complaining! Just… I was kinda starting to lose hope that you’d ever like me.’, Menlo sadly recounted his earlier feelings, making Ashley want to bite something. ‘You’re telling me I was THIS close to ditchin’ your whack ass… I mean, um, heh heh, of course not! In fact, this entire, um, experience outside of the Ashley’s has made me realize how it’s time I took the next step and, you know… Found a boy toy to call my own.’, she cringed at every syllable, eyes pleading Ashley B to cut her torment, but Ashley B mouthed ‘Go on’, and so, she did.

‘And you’re telling me because…’, Menlo asked, confused. You could hear his eyebrow raise all the way from there. Ashley A face palmed, groaning in anguish, nails scratching her cheeks by accident. This was like nails on a chalkboard! Why couldn’t this idiot just get it so this could END?!

‘Ha ha… Yes, well, you see, when a girl calls a boy and tells him she’s down for some dating action, that usually means something, feel me?’, she muttered through gritted teeth, whispering ‘GET. A. HINT.’

‘...Oh, I think I get it!’, Menlo announced, prompting more laughter. Ashley, sighing in relief, smiled tiredly at Menlo, after what felt like the longest conversation of her life. ‘Yay me. That’s a relief. Thank you, Menlo.’

‘You want ME to find a suitable boyfriend for you! I’ll admit, I wish I was a candidate, but I commend both your cold efficiency and your initiative! After all, I know everything about everyone in school!’, Menlo congratulated her, already sifting through heavy sounding folders that smacked down on his desk like bombs. ‘Let’s see, Lawson’s available, as is King Bob if you wanna try an older boy. Oh, T.J., that could be pretty spicy!’

Ashley’s heart pounded like a tin drummer, and her eyes set on fire. If tone of voice could kill, Menlo and his entire block would be six feet under. ‘NO, YOU LAME ASS CRUSTER! I WASN’T ASKING YOU TO FIND ME A BOYFRIEND, YOU WHACK FART KNOCKER!! I, ASHLEY AMBRUSTER JR., AM ASKING YOU, TAYLOR MENLO, IF YOU’LL BE SMART ENOUGH TO BOUNCE WITH ME FOR SOME ICE CREAM, ON THE REAL! NO PSYCHE! NO NOT! YOU BOUT IT, HOMIE?’, Ashley screamed, louder than she had perhaps in her entire life, spitting venom at the receiver. It was a miracle it didn’t melt from the concentrated resentment lacing every word.

A long silence followed, as Ashley caught her breath, the other Ashley’s did all they could not to burst out laughing too loudly and ruin the prank, and Menlo analyzed the rant.

‘...So what you’re saying is that you wanna go on a date tomorrow?’

‘FUCK!!!!’, Ashley screamed again, prodding the phone with her finger even though it couldn’t actually hurt Menlo. ‘YES, MENLO, I’M DOWN FOR A DATE TOMORROW, OKAY? DO YOU UNDERSTAND? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GUCCI, PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ME! I THINK YOU’RE STRAIGHT UP BANGIN’, AND I’D DIE TO SHOW YOU WHAT LIPSTICK BRAND I USE!’

Menlo, now definitely blushing, stammered into the phone ‘I’m not dreaming, right? I wish you could pinch me.’

‘I WISH SO TOO, HOTTIE! SEE YOU THEN! I’M SO HAPPY YOU SAID YES! SO SO SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY! BOOYAH!’, Ashley finished raving, smacking the phone down and fainting on the floor, breathing heavily, as the other Ashley’s fell on the floor too, from uncontrollable laughter, except for Ashley B, who took the time to snap a few pics of that meltdown before joining in the laughter pile.

‘That was so worth it! That was the funniest thing ever!’, Ashley T admitted, spitting out floss.

‘Did you hear him? He actually things this is happening! Oh, that’s gonna be SOOOOOOOO rich!’, Ashley T guffawed, holding her sides.

‘Oh, yes, now THAT was a classic Ashley prank! I bet you enjoyed that just as much as we did, right, Ashley A?’, Ashley B asked, tears in her eyes.

Ashley A had tears in her eyes too, but she had to pretend they were from mirth. Wiping them, she giggled ‘Yeah… Yeah that was, um, that was some real Ashley shit right there, huh?’

Never mind that Ashley had never had to be forced to do a prank before. Never mind that it never involved this much commitment. Never mind that they actually informed the prankee they were being pranked. It didn’t make some of the nasty pranks she had made okay, but still. This was different. This wasn’t… Fun.

Not even for her, at least.

Still, a wave of relief coursed through her, as she sat down next to the table. ‘Okay… That was literally the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But hey, I passed the challenge, right?’

‘Yes, indeed, Ashley A, you did.’, Ashley B congratulated, offering her a polite smatter of applause, as did Q and T. Ashley A beamed. It was worth it for this. ‘Yay! I did it! Now can we get this party started?’, Ashley asked, reaching towards a creme savor, only to get her hand slapped away again. ‘Owie!’, Ashley cried, again kissing her hand, while B shook her head. ‘Oh, no, Ashley A, there are 3 more challenges.’

‘3?!’, Ashley asked, aghast and dismayed. ‘Why 3? What do I need to do to…’

‘Do you want to bring things back to normal or not, Ashley A?’, Ashley B demanded, casting a shadow with her disapproval. There was something about her anger there that felt… Too real.

Ashley A gulped, legitimately scared, and she nodded like a good girl. ‘Yes… More than anything.’

‘Good. Then you’ll do what we say. Friends do that.’, Ashley B reminded her, and Ashley A nodded in agreement, following her friends up the stairs to the next challenge.

But as she got bathed by their stiff, lifeless shadows, she couldn’t help but wonder if Gretchen would agree with this.

 

Back at Gretchen’s house, things were definitely a little odd too. Perhaps that was unfair to feel, Gretchen mused, as she saw her friends all listen attentively (sort of) as she explained what she was currently working on. After all, this was a good thing, no? Her treasured companions were taking a vested interest in the area most central to her core, her love of science, of inventing, of logic and numbers and facts. Could her anxiety addled brain REALLY find a negative here?

‘...Of course it can.’, Gretchen sighed to herself, as she tightened a screw on her, ha, pet project. She chuckled as she made a mental note to make that pun next to Ashley. It would make her do that rolling giggle, and she found it aesthetically pleasing, for reasons she was not yet ready to face.

But that momentary joy concerning her secret friend was soon replaced with the growing worry concerning her not secret friends. Something just felt OFF, and Gretchen couldn’t deny her curiosity any longer. They had rarely ever spent time in her room, and even then it was usually to play a board game or plan out one of T.J’s harebrained heists. Could Spinelli call to mind her wallpaper’s color? Did Gus appreciate her alphabetized book case? Had Vince ever noticed the hoop over her wastebasket, which was meant as a gesture of solidarity over their different interests?

‘Nice hoop, Gretch.’, Vince complimented, tossing a juice box into it.

‘Oh. Okay, point in his favor. But still.’, Gretchen scrunched her forehead, as if to shut down her unnecessary fears, but she just couldn’t. She had to figure this out now. After all, if she was this committed to crazy plans involving secret motivations, how likely was it that her closest friends in the world weren’t capable of that?

Welding the collar tighter onto the machine, then making sure the springs in the legs worked, Gretchen employed some subtlety, and asked, almost absent mindedly ‘Sorry this is taking so long, guys.’

Her friends were mostly quick to reply (she was pretty sure T.J. had fallen asleep for a moment). ‘Oh, what, no, of course not! We wanted to see you at work for once!’, they all answered in unison, which was frankly even more telling. They were individual voices bonded by common goals, not sheep in a herd. Gretchen squinted, stepping back from the table to continue her unfortunately necessary experiment, though the mounting evidence was beckoning her rage. ‘I see. Say, T.J, Gus? Could you assist me momentarily?’

T.J’s eyes widened like a cartoon coyote being notified of the existence of gravity, while Gus suddenly felt as small as usual. The two exchanged worried glances, the kind that spelt “This wasn’t in the plan”. Gretchen knew those well. She and Ashley had probably exchanged those thrice a chapter. That is, day. Whatever.

‘Um, sure, Gretch! What do you… What do you need?’, T.J. asked, a crooked awkward smile gracing his lips. One could tell the boy didn’t know how it felt to be out of control. It must have been disorienting. Right now, though, Gretchen didn’t care for the turbulence being experienced on Air Detweiller. His passengers would have to toughen up.

Unfolding one of her diagrams, Gretchen pointed at the heel of the contraption. ‘Well, see, I think I need to tighten the bolts here, and for that, I need my Torque Wrench. Specifically blue#37. It’s inside my emergency toolbox, which is inside that closet over there. Could you two fetch it for me? I would myself, but I still need to program the self awareness. If it’s too defined, it won’t be its own person… Robot. You know what I mean.’

Despite herself, there was the tiniest satisfied smirk at T.J and Gus’ clear confusion. ‘I’ve felt so bad for lying these last few weeks. I might as well share that feeling if they’re so loose on the truth too.’

‘Oh, um, sure thing, G!’, T.J saluted, while Gus nodded so hard he got dizzy. ‘We can do that! You mentioned it just today, right?’

‘7 times, yes.’, Gretchen muttered from her stiff chair, hunched over the keypad, back straining. How she wished for better back support. But that would be spending money on non essentials.

‘Well, we’re on it!’, T.J and Gus said together, before taking a deep breath and venturing into the closet, where they found multiple tool boxes with no labels. Gulping, they began to sift through them.

Satisfied with the first part of her investigation done, Gretchen moved onto the next one: Removing the innocent member of the group. Gretchen didn’t need to be a genius to figure out Mikey would never willingly agree to deceiving her. But she was a genius, so it was clearer from the first second. His body language screamed “Guilty, unsure, miffed”. She appreciated it, to be fair. Meant that her friends were mostly well intentioned after all. But that didn’t mean she was going to take it easy on anyone but Mikey.

Sitting next to him on her bed (which was far too squeaky, but alas, cest la vie), she placed an arm around her ally in more ways than one. ‘You good, Mikey? Something bringing you down?’, she asked, while Vince and Spinelli behind her smiled awkwardly, trying not to give anything away, even if they were extremely curious about certain objects they could spot in the room.

‘Who, me? Oh, um, no! I’m just peachy! Heh, food pun, I’m into food, how fitting!’, Mikey lied. Badly. So badly it made Gretchen want to apologize to Ashley for all her criticisms. At least Ashley tried. Mikey couldn’t be sadder unless Santa turned out to be fake.

…She really had to acknowledge one day that she saw Santa Claus once. Perhaps when she wasn’t so busy gripping with unnecessary pre-teen drama.

‘Well, that’s a relief! I’d hate to think you were feeling upset, Mikey. After all, you’re probably the person I trust most. I would wanna repay that trust, you know?’, Gretchen laid it on a little thicker, but she still kept on the fakest innocent smile she could muster. Her pats made Mikey’s shoulders slump further and further, and for a moment, she got really worried for her bed’s condition.

But Mikey was easy to crack. It wouldn’t take much more to get him to either squeal or (more likely) run off to avoid squealing, which would make the next phase even easier.

Looking about as comfortable as a fly in a spider’s web, Mikey coughed and sputtered ‘Oh, um, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Trust. Yes. A key component in any relationship.’

‘Indubitably. Which is why I would trust you to tell me if you guys really want to do this science stuff this afternoon. I would hate to think my friends were feigning an interest just to make me feel better. I’m actually quite fond of the truth.’, Gretchen whispered, making Mikey squirm even more. He was a rat in a trap right now, and Gretchen was enjoying it a little too much. Perhaps she was taking on Ashley characteristics she wasn’t aware she had.

‘Of course, perhaps it’s not to make me feel better. Perhaps it’s something far more… Guileful.’, she pressed further, slowly raising a thesaurus Mikey had once gifted her. ‘Conniving. Duplicitous. Disingenuous. Underhanded. Unscrupulous. Furtive. Surreptitious. Skulky. Clandestine.’

Mikey was practically sweating enough to fill the grand canyon when Gretchen finished on ‘Liar, liar, pants on fire.’

‘I NEED TO BREATHE SOME AIR IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION FAR FROM HERE FOR TOTALLY INNOCENT AND NOT SNEAKY REASONS!’, Mikey announced, rushing out of the house and charging down the street, his footsteps echoing long after he left.

‘And then there were two…’, Gretchen narrowed her eyes, as she saw Spinelli and Vince exchange uncomfortable glances too. She had to figure out what was going on here, and she would. Even if it meant… Thinking less of her friends.

Setting up the final consciousness program onto her machine (and cursing that she couldn’t enjoy a nearly finished robot thanks to her friends incessant curiosity), Gretchen suddenly rubbed her belly audibly next to the duo. ‘Oh, Tesla’s tibia, am I STARVED. I sure you are too, after all this THRILLING science! How about I go downstairs and whip us some yummy trail mix?’, Gretchen raised her eyebrows, tracing their expressions for any hint of deception.

Spinelli, blushing from alarm at Gretchen’s behavior, made an uncomfortable face. ‘Don’t you have anything that doesn’t taste like a squirrel pooped in a pla…’

Vince suddenly elbowed her, blushing for all together different reasons. ‘Hey, it’s Gretchen’s house! I think she should select the snack!’

‘Why, thank you, Vincent. I’ll be right back! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!’, she winked, then stepped out onto the first step and walked in place quickly to make it seem like she dashed down the stairs.

Once she was sure they were sure she was gone, Gretchen went to a certain area of the wall next to her room, quickly listened in for the air pocket, and pushed gently, revealing an open chamber that led inside the walls of her house. ‘I guess there are some small benefits to a house that doesn’t live up to proper safety practices.’, she thought, squeezing inside to place her eyes where her framed poster of Einstein was. ‘Now, to see what my friends are up to.’

Suddenly, a terrible feeling reverberated through her chest, a cold chill that shook her bones. ‘I had to pretend to be myself when I lied about that trail mix. Am I losing touch with who I am?’

She had never been this grumpy with anyone, outside of her pest. Never been this deceitful, barring a plan that usually meant justice for the whole school. She was normally nice, kind, cheerful! She used to feel such joy at the moments shared with her friends! What happened? Was it the friendship experiment? Was it her lying? Was her need to keep it a secret leading to all this behavior? Whose fault was it truly?

Perhaps if Gretchen had been allowed more time to digest these complicated thoughts, she would have gone out there to confess, to explain, to try and fix things.

But before she could, Vince and Spinelli suddenly looked around, and spoke to each other when they thought they were alone.

‘I don’t know about you, but this is taking us nowhere. I say we search the room for clues. I bet you she wrote something.’, Spinelli exclaimed, and Vince snapped his fingers. ‘Of course! That notebook she’s been obsessed with! We find that, we find the problem!’

‘And then, we solve it!’, Spinelli rubbed her fist in her palm with unbridled glee, and the two began searching the room, unaware that two progressively betrayed eyes were watching.

‘I only lied to protect Ashley and to have a friend! A friend I’m more than allowed to have!’, Gretchen thought, turning red from all this… This betrayal! ‘But if they wanna “protect” me from being myself, then I’ve got just the ticket to teach them a lesson.’, she growled, going downstairs to fetch the trail mix, formulating a plot to catch them all red handed.

 

But if Gretchen thought she was suffering, she had no idea how bad Ashley A was having it. At least she got to act against her friends well meaning if selfish behavior. Ashley A was facing less (though not completely absent) well meaning actions, which were FAR more selfish, and without the benefit of even frowning about it.

Of course, Ashley A wasn’t as cognitively developed as Gretchen, to be honest. In fact, for all her bullying behavior, Ashley A ironically didn’t recognize bullying when it was directed towards herself.

Which is why, when she sat down on a pink chair in Ashley B’s positively beautiful room, littered to the brim with yummy snacks, boy band posters and exact copies of Ashley A’s room (just with a tea table set and yellow and black instead of pink), she afforded a false sense of security. Maybe the other challenges weren’t SO hard… Maybe she was just assuming the worst. ‘They’re STILL my friends, after all! They would never do anything to embarrass me!’, Ashley A closed her eyes confidently, attempting to sip her jasmine tea, only to get blocked from it again. ‘Ah, ah, ah!’, Ashley B wagged her finger like a disappointed pet owner, making Ashley A almost whimper in melancholy. ‘Not until after the challenges!’

‘Can’t I just have ONE creme savor? You KNOW they’re my favorites!’, Ashley A pleaded, hungrily eying the savor. Maybe she could just swipe one quickly, like a cat. She owned one, she could probably try.

But Ashley Q was quicker. She slapped her hand away the moment she reached forwards, the brash impact making Ashley A’s dorsum sting and turn red. Ashley A tried to comfort the hand, but Ashley B was already announcing the next challenge, clinking her rare beehive patterned tea cup with a spoon so golden it was blinding. ‘All Ashley’s be seated for the second challenge!’, she commanded, sounding direct and refined, every word chiming like polished silverware. For just a moment, Ashley A heard her mother in B, and she didn’t know if she was impressed, or offset by that.

Ashley Q was already seated, while Ashley T, bringing the object of the second challenge, bowed and presented it to Ashley B, chanting ‘Sporty, Ginger, Baby, Scary, Posh’ over and over like she was a priest reciting Latin verses in the 12th century AD.

Ashley A peaked from her chair (was it lower than the others?), and managed to catch a glimpse of one of the Ashley’s favorite games. ‘Girl Talk? Ooh, I love Girl Talk!’, Ashley A enthused, so much so that she actually shook her hands a little bit, like jazz hands.

Ashley B’s eyes were so glazed you’d think they were a honey donut. ‘Yes, of course you do, you’re an Ashley. For now.’

The sentence was delivered so blase that Ashley A felt a genuine chill ride down her spine. Ashley B had been suspicious and rageful before, but never to this extent. How much had she messed up with this secret friendship thing? ‘Is it really worth all this?’, she worriedly thought, as B lifted the box lid and removed the cards and zit stickers, but, oddly enough, not the spinner.

As B began handing out cards to Q and T (but not A, of course) Ashley A couldn’t help but raise her hand, as if she was in class. ‘Um, Ashley B? How come you didn’t take out the spinner? And why are you sorting out the cards, they’re supposed to all be in one pile…’

‘Do you think I don’t know how this game works? Do you think I’m stupid, Ashley A? Do you think we’re all just dumb idiots who aren’t worth your time and energy?!’, Ashley B suddenly shouted, making everyone flinch. The crazed look in her eyes made Ashley A decide it wasn’t worth venturing further, so she instantly shook her head. ‘Literally the opposite of what I think! You’re stupid… Not!’

Ashley B seemed to accept this statement, so she cleared her throat and lifted her tea cup again, pinkie out. Q and T did as well, but Ashley A had been told not to lift her tea cup, so she just put her pinkie out and hoped with all her heart that was okay. ‘This is a… Special version of Girl Talk, designed specifically for this game.’

‘Ooh, c’est genial! That sounds very special! Thank you!’, Ashley A expressed politely, clapping her hands excitedly. Ashley B sighed and rolled her eyes. ‘Ashley A, this is a challenge to your all important position in The Ashley’s, not a prize on Wheel of Fortune. Try and take it seriously.’

Discouraged, Ashley A shrunk in her seat and nodded, feeling like a scolded cat. ‘Sorry.’, she whispered, looking around to see similarly disappointed expressions from Ashley Q and Ashley T (who were both enjoying their snacks of choice: Crazy dips mixed with fun dips and pop qwiz).

Satisfied with this showing of submissiveness, Ashley B began to explain the rules: ‘Me, Ashley Q and Ashley T each have a pack of question cards. You don’t get any, since they are all directed at YOU. That’s why I’ve taken the liberty of removing the spinner. We’re not gonna need it.’

The cold words had their intended effect. Ashley A gulped, teeth nearly chattering from the very thought of being the only one subjected to these questions. Still, a small voice in the back of her head beckoned her to remain optimistic of her friends intentions. ‘Maybe they aren’t choosing the REALLY embarrassing ones! They wouldn’t make it THAT hard, you’re friends!’

As if Ashley B could hear that voice, she picked a card and read out in a far too relaxed voice ‘What is the most embarrassing thing to happen to you in front of a cute guy?’.

Ashley Q and T instantly ‘ooh!’-d, eating up the potential gossip, while Ashley A gaped and gawked, eyes nearly popping out of her skull (which would have been tres disgusting). ‘Wait… Wha… But… Are you sure…’, she mustered a lame protest, but the death stare from Ashley B was enough to silence her into co-operation. She would just have to grin and bare it.

The reason to her dismayed reaction was apparent only to B, though: See, while Ashley A had yet to find a single boy she truly deemed worthy enough to date her, she had a number of celebrity crushes, not to mention some directed to older kids in their block. One, a Zachary Tate that attended the high school a few blocks away, was a particular avenue of Ashley A’s affection. Tall, tanned and a smile that said ‘I’m bad, but in a good way, yo’, Zachary was exactly what Ashley pictured a future boyfriend of hers would be like. Naturally, a sophisticated lady such as herself could easily practice flirting with a boy 6 years her senior, so when opportunity came knocking one day (when Ashley A and B were downing fruit smoothies and he happened to walk into the store to order one of his own), Ashley A knew she had to take her shot.

But what happened after… It had haunted her nightmares for months.

Ashley A had never forgotten Ashley B’s actions that day. The way she instantly moved between her and Zachary, covering up any flagrant sights. The way she took charge and hid her away from prying, laughing eyes. The way she quietly and gently helped her out of the mess.

Those sympathetic eyes, eyes that were as reassuring as the words that came out of her mouth: “I swear I’ll literally never tell a soul what happened today, word is bond”, they had always come in the nick of time during that recurring nightmare, sweeping away the mortification Ashley A had felt that day, a crack in her heart that had healed into a tiny scar.

But now that scar was being opened, and Ashley A was gonna ruin her friend's fuzzy carpet with the gushing red that would flow from her stabbed heart.

‘I… Um… Well… It’s just…’, Ashley A kept on stuttering, face growing as red as the aforementioned gushing blood. How could she spit this out? No, no, she couldn’t, she just couldn’t! ‘The utter embarrassment! Ugh, this is the WORST DAY EVER!!!’, Ashley A cried out by mistake, and for once, she wasn’t exaggerating.

But Ashley B was having none of it, even if Ashley T and Ashley Q were growing a little concerned at the display of fear. Lifting a Zit Sticker (the punishment the game administered for skipping a dare), Ashley B wagged it like she was threatening a dog with a folded newspaper. ‘Do you WANT a Zit sticker? Do you WANT to make us think you’re hiding something? This is a challenge of your loyalty, of your dedication, Ashley Armbruster Junior! How can we call you our president if you can’t admit to a teensy little embarrassing moment? What kind of Ashley is scared to open up to her fellow Ashley’s?’, Ashley B lectured, each word dripping with venom. There was a fire in her now, perhaps a revealing one. Ashley A couldn’t help but wonder if she was still actually president of the Ashley’s.

But the shaming had worked. ‘I don’t want a zit sticker. I don’t want them to suspect me. I don’t want them to not trust me. I can be a part of the Ashley’s, I can! I’ll earn it!’, Ashley A motivated herself, clenching her fists super hard and puffing up her cheeks with air. She had to do this, she had to prove she can have both: The Ashley’s and The Gretchen!

Bravely facing all her friends, eyes open to their potential scorn, she slowly replied to the demeaning question: ‘I was at the smoothie place when… When Zachary Tate showed up.’

‘Oooh!’, Ashley Q and T echoed from before, seemingly forgetting how distressed their friend looked. The scent of juicy gossip was like blood to these henchwomen sharks.

Ashley A let that interruption pause her so she could gather any loose bits of strength. Then, mustering all her courage, she continued. ‘As I’m sure you all know, Zachary is the CUTEST boy in 6th Street High. He has schway hair and bangin’ blue eyes, and his smirk is oh so sex…’, Ashley A got sidetracked, admiring the features (though, if she was truly honest, she was more imagining an abstract body that happened to hold said features, rather than specifically Zachary. Oddly enough, the body was a little more feminine in nature, but Ashley A figured she was just missing a frame of reference for a male body. She’d need to look at some magazines when she was back home the next day). Ashley B snapped her fingers impatiently, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. ‘Stick to the dare, Ashley A. We have imaginations.’,

Ashley A sheepishly grinned, blushing for a different reason. ‘Sorry.’

Then, she blushed from shame as she narrated her tragic tale. ‘Well, anyway, he was there. And, logically, I thought he’d be a great test subject for my flirtations, you know, for the day I find a boyfriend worthy of my FABULOUS looks.’, Ashley A bragged just a little, small pleasures and all. Ashley Q and T nodded, both deeply in denial too, it seems.

‘Yeah, yeah, you’re top of the pops and shit, GET TO THE GOODS, SISTER.’, Ashley B demanded, slamming her hands on the table, and Ashley A yiped, leaped into the air, and finally continued. ‘Okay, okay! So, like, I walk up to him, all giggly and starry eyed, putting on my “honey voice”, you know the one, reserved for my one and only, when suddenly he actually stares back, I think it was after I said he had abs that could melt butter, but it may have been after I remarked that his lips were probably tired from kissing every girl at campus, doesn’t matter, anyway, I don’t think he even heard all those, because he turned to me, like I said, with those sparkling eyes, and he sort of like whips his hair, ugh, TOO MUCH, but I digress, he looked at me and said ‘Hey, little girl, you need something?’, all innocent like, I think he wasn’t aware that I was into him, how adorable is that, boys are so dumb, but point is, well, when he did that, he was really close to my face, he’s tall so he had to lean down after all, and I could see his eyes and lips and everything, as you can imagine that was a LOT to take in all at once, and I had just drank my third smoothie, and I was honestly a little nervous as it was because I still haven’t practiced flirting that much, and, well, you see, um, one thing led to another, and, well, um…’

Ashley’s rant screeched to a halt as she grew redder and redder, not to mention smaller. Shrinking even further into her seat, Ashley A dared look up, and felt the walls closing in, their blaring yellow black colors spinning and spinning in derision, as if she was trapped in a spinning carousel and all the kids were laughing as she felt queasy, just like she did that day. Ashley Q and Ashley T held eager and curious looks, baring deep into her soul, but it was Ashley B’s eyes that truly made Ashley A hush up.

Because those eyes, once so sympathetic and kind, were now as dark and hollow as the inky night that swallowed her up every time she awoke from her nightmares.

‘Yes, Ashley A? What DID happen then? Do enlighten us.’, Ashley B enunciated in an excruciatingly slow way, despite knowing what happened. Maybe because she knew. Either way, she sipped her tea and grinned in anticipation, awaiting the dirt.

And Ashley A didn’t need to be reminded of the punishment for not co-operating. Swallowing the last remains of her pride, she choked out ‘And then… I vomited.’, before hiding her face in her trembling hands, hot tears running down her cheeks, smearing her makeup.

Despite this entire parade of apathy before her, Ashley A couldn’t help the minuscule and hopeful feeling that maybe, just maybe, her friends would be sympathetic to her pain. Maybe even feel bad for what she went through. Who wanted to throw up in front of their crush, after all? No, they had to understand! ‘They have to!’

I’m sad to say that the obvious did indeed happen.

‘SCANDALOUS!’, Ashley B, Q and T all chorused, clinking their tea cups and laughing up a storm, laughing and laughing and laughing for so long that Ashley A wondered if she was going deaf. The giggles rolled on and on, echoing in the halls of her mind, stored away for eternity. As long as she lived, she would never forget this moment, where she had felt truly alone, despite being surrounded by her bestest friends.

And then, Ashley Q lifted a card.

There was more.

There was so much more.

But Ashley A couldn’t say anything. She could only hang her head in shame, like a prisoner at death row, and silently pray that it wouldn’t hurt nearly as hard as this.

All the while, Muffin (who had been watching from above, unable to intervene without hurting her mama), tired of this crap, slinked away to the Grundler’s, deciding only a genius could help now.

And Penny? She was listening in to every word, impatiently awaiting the opening to bust open this scheme once and for all.

 

Poor Ashley M. She was an Ashley, which meant she wasn’t exactly much for running, or jumping, or really any physical activity. Normally, the very thought of exerting her body would have been enough to make her crawl back into bed and pretend no such concept existed.

But Ashley A, her owner, her friend, her mama… Needed her. Now more than ever. No one else could save her from the twisted game Ashley B had set up.

And so, with a heavy heart (and heavier lungs), Ashley M scaled brick walls and careened down them like she was in a marathon, ignoring how her entire body was on fire. ‘Ugh… Why… Can’t… They… Be… Neighbors?’, the kitty panted out in exhaustion, wiping sweat off her brow with her paw, as she forced her legs to keep moving despite it all.

The afternoon was slowly turning into evening. The moonlight was her only guide through this dark, lonely path. ‘Thankfully, they say cats have excellent night vision!’, Muffin smirked, peering through the night to see what she could, well, see.

…

‘Whoever said that should be taken out to the street and shot.’, the feline sassed, rolling her yellow eyes in derision. Now she’d have to climb every tree in every yard just to look in a window and see if she recognized the room Ashley A had brought her once. ‘At least the memory thing is true. A cat never forgets!’, she exclaimed proudly, only to squint in uncertainty. ‘Or was that an elephant? I forget.’

Thankfully, Muffin wasn’t gonna shatter any more myths about cats, like not falling on her feet, because the first house she tree scaled next to seemed to be the one! ‘Those are Gretchen’s friends, the ones Ashley said she loved to mock once! I wonder if she still doesn’t like them. Do we have to be nice to them like in-laws?’, she wondered, before chuckling and shaking her head. ‘I have to stop thinking like that. Why, the likelihood Ashley and Gretchen could be lesbians together are as high as me being lesbians with a… A dog!’

That silly notion brushed aside with a tail wag, Ashley M happily bopped side to side as she tip toed across the branch, practicing her runway strut. ‘One day, mama will take me to Milano. I have to look PURR-fect for my public!’.

However, she took a little too long, as suddenly, a Ruffed Grouse showed up, chowing down on the upper canopy of the aspen tree they were on. The bird slowly turned its head to her, and called out “pete-pete-peta-peta” to the cat.

Ashley M hackled up, hissed, whimpered a bit, and with her tail extra fluffy now, leapt for safety onto the window, thanking the lord that it was open…

Only to CRASH onto the chair next to Gretchen’s desk.

‘Woah! Did you hear something?’, Gus questioned from inside the closet, he and T.J somehow STILL searching for that wrench.

‘I think that was me. I dropped another tool box. How many does she HAVE?’, T.J questioned, voice echoing from inside the closet, as Ashley M slowly picked herself up and perked her ears at the speaking voices.

‘I guess they’re for different situations.’, Gus shrugged, finding a shoe box loaded with tools. ‘Hey, maybe it’s in this one.’

‘I hope it is. Pretty sure everyone went downstairs. I feel like I’m missing out on the action.’, T.J sighed, rummaging through the box, bumping into something, and dropping another three on the floor. ‘Oh man!’, he cried, growing miserable from this.

Ashley M snickered, tutting at the boys. ‘Oh, you’re missing out. I’m going to just waltz up to Gretchen and save my mama, and while you’ll be stuck in that closet being all loser and pathetic, I’M gonna get a nice fancy salmon dinner, with a side dish of cream! I’ll even get to watch the new episode of Baywatch! That Parker Stevenson is beach in beachin’. Get it, like bitchin’, but beach…’

Ashley M’s lil rant was unfortunately cut off by her walking straight into the door, banging her little head, screeching out in pain. Rubbing her head with her paw, she squinted in annoyance at the looming entry before her. ‘Now, isn’t that literally sooooo inconsiderate? Did no one think that a fancy cat such as myself might need to pass through and find Gretchen? No class, no class at all!’

Worse, Ashley M couldn’t reach the door on her own. She leapt up as high as she could, but the handle was tauntingly far away, teasing her. ‘Stop being so… So wooden! Don’t you know that wood is SOOOOOOOOO last Thursday! It’s all about being metal and close to my freakin’ paws! Ugh, whatEVER, I’ll find another way in!’, Ashley M screeched at the door in catspeak. She was lucky the door had chosen an elective in dogspeak instead, otherwise it would have smashed right into her.

Turning back to observe the rest of the room, Muffin tried to see if there was anything that could help her out. ‘Huh. Gretchen’s room is way emptier than Ashley’s. Where are all the necessities, like bean bag chairs, and mirrors, and plushies for me to talk to when I get lonely? Not even a 1 on the Ashley M room rating scale.’, Ashley M turned her nose up at the torrid place, only to spot Bearbert Bearstein, Gretchen’s secret teddy bear, peering from the corner of the bed, hidden as ever. Brightening up, Ashley M pulled him to her with her teeth and attempted to shake his hand. ‘A man of science! I could use your help, this is Ursa Major! See, I’m trying to help my mama, Ashley A? I’m sure you’ve heard of her. Tall, but all humans are. Pretty, but I’m sure you could tell considering her cat daughter, heh heh. But also deeply in the shit! Our fellow Ashley’s are being REALLY mean to her, which is SO WHACK! So, basically, in your professional scientific opinion, how can I open this stupid door? It’s being a REAL loser right now!’, Ashley M went on and on, pacing back and forth, her tail swishing in worry. Thanks to this, Bearbert got swiped at, and fell, head pointing towards the desk.

Ashley M, noticing this, smiled brightly and patted the bear on the head. ‘Thank you, doctor! Most helpful! I’ll recommend you to Barbshley next time she can’t pick a dress for date night!’

Resuming her strut from before, Ashley M swayed her head back and forth as she clawed her way up the stiff chair and then onto the desk. ‘Gee, she could get a comfier chair.’, she thought, only to gasp as she stared above her, accidentally recreating a scene from one of her mama’s new favorite animated movies, “Toy Story”. She wasn’t sure if she’d be proud of the coincidental pop culture reference or not, but her head was sort of packed with shocked thoughts and feelings.

See, Gretchen had sort of accounted for T.J. and Gus to be out of the closet (unlike her) by now, and she was so distracted by all the hullabaloo with her friends, that she sort of set her project up to turn on.

And it had happened to turn on the moment Ashley M was below it. Or, well, her.

Looking slowly side to side, the mechanical marvel analyzed the entire room, filing away important bits of information: The shelves were high and packed to the brim, so those books were precariously dangling over her owner’s head; the bed’s mattress’ springs were loosening, that could be a health risk; Why on earth were those two human males taking so long to find a simple wrench, when she could spout info on any kind of wrench from her built in database?

Clearly, her (A.K.A, Gretchen Grundler, A.K.A Doctor Grundler) had to be contacted, and right now. A laboratory couldn’t be littered with such lollygaggers!

‘Doctor Grundler, can you read me? Doctor Grundler? Why won’t she answer?’, the robot wondered aloud, her speech program sounding like an artificial Jadzia Dax from Deep Space Nine, as she began computing the most likely scenarios. But it was evening, so Gretchen couldn’t be at school, and she had just programmed her, so she was unlikely to be at a friend’s house. Was someone keeping her owner up from attending to her pet project?

Slowly turning around to observe the desk, the machine tutted, judging her owner’s messy workspace. ‘Someone could get hurt! I better fix this up once I find Doctor Grundler.’

Suddenly, a tiny screen popped out from near her eye, as she began to narrate, her ears perked up for any danger. ‘B.U.D.D.Y mission log, terrandate 30-01-98. My first few minutes activated have been nothing short of calamitous. My owner is nowhere to be found, her workspace is a health hazard, and according to my sensors, there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.’

‘Hello!’, Ashley M meowed a greeting, hoping this narration didn’t imply this thing was… Shudder… A geek.

‘HALT. UNKNOWN PRESENCE DETECTED. STATE YOUR OBJECTIVE AND ALLEGIANCE, OR FACE THE DEADLY STRENGTH OF MY ATOMIC BARK.’, B.U.D.D.Y growled, adopting an attack stance she was notified by her database was “threatening and quite cool”.

Ashley M yelped in fear, jumping up into the air, baring her claws. Shaking her head, she made herself look as small as possible to avoid classification as a threat. ‘I’m just Ashley A’s cat! Ashley M, A.K.A Muffin! I was just searching for Gretchen, it’s an emergency!’

B.U.D.D.Y’s metal ears perked up at the mention of her owner, and she adopted a less threatening stance. ‘Emergency, you say? I was born for those!’

Then, chuckling, she added ‘Well, not born, I’m a robot dog, I was MADE for those. But it felt a fitting expression.’

Ashley M tilted her head, utterly confounded by the… Thing before her. Never in her life had she spoken to a dog, let alone a robot dog. She knew dogs were scary and dumb, thanks to TV and magazines. Except puppies. Puppies were angels.

But this one hadn’t torn her to shreds for existing… Yet. So perhaps she was worth asking help for?

‘Well, um, see, I was just about to get Gretchen, but then this STUPID door got all lame and didn’t open! Which was LITERALLY SO NOT SCHWAY BY THE WAY!’, Ashley M hissed at the door, planning to leave a very nasty review of it to Gretchen once possible. How could Ashley A be friends with a girl who had such a lame ass door?

‘Schway? What is this Schway? I better add that to my database later.’, B.U.D.D.Y questioned, tilting her head like Ashley M did, assuming this was an action everyone just did. Suddenly, a notification popped up in her eyes, and she gasped. ‘Wait, did you say Ashley A?’

‘Yes, Ashley A. Duh.’, Ashley M rolled her eyes. ‘She’s only the most famous person on the planet.’

B.U.D.D.Y’s database only contained a few humans so far. Gretchen’s family, friends, favorite scientists.

Ashley A was part of that list, and marked as quite important. It seemed as if her owner valued this… Ashley A significantly. If the emergency concerned not just her owner, but her owner’s friend, then this required her services post haste!

‘There’s not a moment to lose, Ashley M! Here, I’ll open the door for you!’, B.U.D.D.Y rushed, leaping off the desk and rushing onto the door. Ashley M, gracefully landing onto the floor and grooming her fur, nodded agreeably. ‘Finally, some service! Pity it had to be a dog, but I suppose beggars can’t be choosers.’

Ashley M was curious however as to how B.U.D.D.Y would open the door. ‘Say, um, canine? How exactly do you plan to…’

Suddenly, B.U.D.D.Y, standing right before the door, rose up from the floor onto the faraway handle, her legs springing up to make her 5 foot tall.

Ashley M’s jaw dropped as she gaped at the display of strength and cunning. As the door creaked open, B.U.D.D.Y turned to her new companion, and within a second, was back onto the ground with a tail wag. ‘Well, are you coming?’

Then, shaking her head, she apologized profusely. ‘Oh, where are my manners? Sorry, I was just made, well, today! I’m B.U.D.D.Y. It stands for Biometric Utility Dog Doubling Yokefellows! In short, I’m her buddy! Get it? Doctor Grundler is so clever.’, B.U.D.D.Y offered her cold metallic paw to Ashley M, who shook it, not feeling the cold stinging metal at all.

‘I’m… Less sure of my attraction to Parker Stevenson.’, she admitted, before blushing and going into denial. ‘I mean, um, what, no, I like men!’

‘...I like men too! They comprise 50% of Doctor Grundler’s inner circle! Speaking of her, we should really get to her! Lead the way, trusted feline!’, B.U.D.D.Y requested, standing at attention behind Ashley M, who gulped, still very red. ‘When I get back to Ashley A, she owes me two salmon. No one said I was gonna question my sexuality on this mission.’

 

And at the same time, back at Ashley B’s mansion, Penny Bly was going through her own mission complication. Specifically…

‘Nothing interesting’s happening!’, Penny protested from her vantage point, scrunched up inside the air vent that led into Ashley B’s room, the area covered up by a poster of Pierce Brosnan as James Bond in “Tomorrow Never Dies”. Penny had delicately cut out the eyes so she could look through, intending to glue those back on when she was done (she was a spy, not a vandal).

But did it matter? Her eyes had been spying this room’s occupants for ages, and nothing incriminating was happening! Sure, Ashley A had undergone numerous embarrassing questions and dares (“Without stumbling, hold your ankles and walk backwards 20 steps”, which thanks to Ashley’s known lack of fitness, led to her falling down over and over, eliciting more laughter; “Call the Cutest Guy In Your Class and Tell Him Jokes. He Has to Laugh Before You Hang Up on Him”, leading to ANOTHER humiliating phone call for Ashley A as she desperately tried to make Butch (she figured he was kinda cute? In a rugged way?) laugh, which was impossible, seeing as he was kind of a gloomy admirer of the macabre; “Stand On All Fours and Bark Like a Dog For 15 Seconds”, which was degrading enough, especially when Ashley far preferred cats, but she was pretty sure lasted 60 seconds actually; “Raid a Clothes Closet. Model the Tackiest Outfit You Can Put Together”, oh the horror, surely they knew how her second greatest fear was being mocked at a runway!; “Tell Each Player What She Does That Annoys You”, which somehow was the one card meant for the others to tell to Ashley A; and so on and so forth), but outside of some potentially embarrassing pics (which Penny was only going to resort to using if she was left with only blackmail as an option), she had nothing! Why, why did no one use a truth or dare card to get Ashley R over, or ask what was going on? Penny wasn’t against sadism, but surely it had to have a purpose beyond “Screw that person”?

Penny then recalled times she did just that.

‘All right, fine, but it’s still not helping me.’, she crossed her arms, sighing audibly. This momentarily alerted Ashley B, who looked over to her poster in curiosity, raising an eyebrow at the sudden sound.

Penny tensed up and froze, eyes flitting around in fear. If she was found out, she’d lose the gang’s trust AND potentially get humiliated herself! That was for Ashley A, not her! ‘I’m invisible, I’m nothing, I’m nobody…’, she whispered, repeating a well worn mantra, shaking and shivering and begging to survive.

Ashley B slowly neared the poster, inspecting it carefully, looking right into its eyes.

You could hear a pin drop. Penny bit her tongue and pinched her cheeks.

‘...Must have been these stupid vents. They’re not agreeing with your presence, Piercy. Too bad. I do.’, Ashley B flirted with the poster, batting her eyelashes seductively.

Penny sighed in relief, wiping her brow. ‘Phew! That was nearly a disaster!’

Then, because Ashley B was a 9 year old girl unaware someone was hiding behind her poster, the rich girl kissed the poster’s lips, pretending she could ever attain such importance… That is, of course she could, shut up.

Penny, growing green in her cheeks, rushed away from the vent to a safer area to hack and wheeze, spitting over and over. ‘Eww!!! Cooties, cooties, cooties!’

She took out her omelet and chewed it over to remove the taste of Ashley B from her lips. ‘Ugh, that’s better. Gosh. Whoever said a first kiss was an important milestone was in need of a brain transplant.’

Returning to her work, Penny suddenly heard the Ashley’s rush downstairs, which surprised her. What could the third challenge even be there? They’d already made her call people twice. Curious, she crawled through the vent to the kitchen area, muttering as she did. ‘For lazy rich girls that sit around all day in their stupid clubhouse, they sure like to move around during a sleepover. What happened to the sleep part? Not that I’ve ever been in a sleepover, but you know, I’m just making a healthy ass…’

And then, just like that, Penny suddenly fell through an unreinforced part of the attic and right onto the middle of the kitchen, just as the Ashley’s were finishing the trip down the stairs.

‘Umption!’, Penny finished as she screamed while falling, and now she had to stop herself from screaming for a different reason, because any second now her cover was blown! Desperately looking for an idea, Penny saw the Boulet’s kept a statue of Ashley A Sr. in their kitchen, rolled her eyes, mumbled ‘Not a brain cell to be found’, and did the logical thing, by standing next to it with a step stool and pretending to be a statue too.

Not a brain cell to be found for sure.

When the Ashley’s entered said kitchen, they all jolted, then stared suspiciously at the extra statue in the room. Penny, sweating bullets, tried her best not to blink. She won no blinking contests with her pet rat, she could win this… Right?

After a long and uncomfortable silence that made Penny make a mental note to check if she received long term cardiac issues from, an answer to her worries finally came. Ashley B tutted her tongue, shook her head, and turning to her friends, exclaimed:

‘I just don’t get modern art.’

The other three nodded and hummed in agreement, despite the four girl’s actual understanding of modern art being as voluminous as the amount of brain cells in the room.

Penny sighed in relief, loudly, making Ashley B turn around again. After another few tortuous seconds as a statue, Penny kept her relief to herself as the Ashley’s resumed their actual business: The Third Challenge.

‘For the Third Challenge, we require something most private of you, Ashley Armbruster.’, Ashley B lectured ominously, standing with her back turned to the girl, snapping her fingers at Q and T. ‘And so, I’ve decided Ashley Q and Ashley T tell you, because I’m not really in the mood, you know?’

Ashley Q and T, who weren’t exactly in the mood for this either but acquitted reluctantly, whispered in Ashley A’s ears what the challenge was.

Ashley A’s eyes widened, and her face flushed instantly. ‘I’m sorry, like, what do you wanna do with my literal UNDERWEAR?!’

‘Ashley A! A lady shouldn’t say such things out loud!’, Ashley B berated, wagging a scolding finger at her friend, as if she were her mother. ‘Just whisper them to keep the shame private! Jeez, you’d think you wanted the whole world to laugh at you, instead of just your best friends!’

Ashley A pouted, hanging her head in shame in habit by now, but still meekly protesting, wringing her hands in worry. ‘But… But… But why would I even WANT to freeze my underwear?’

Penny did all she could not to react to that. ‘Girl parties are so weird.’, she thought, wondering why they couldn’t just paint each other’s nails and gossip. That sounded a lot more fun in her opinion.

Ashley B sighed dramatically, sitting down on a chair Ashley Q and T quickly brought to her service, gesticulating to her best friend, even if that term felt a little ill fitting right now. ‘Ashley, this is a noted custom of teen girl sleepovers, which is our next big step on the road to being powerful and pretty woman. If you can’t freeze a pair of underpants, then how can you lead us into the big P: Puberty?’

Ashley shook her head and hands, trying to explain her case, as she felt her face get redder and redder, like a heatstroked tomato in a Clifford the Big Red Dog lookalike contest set on Mars. ‘No, no, I know that, duh! It’s just… Isn’t the prank supposed to be one of you doing that to me? Not me doing that to, well… Me?’, she asked, pointing at herself with both hands. What was this challenge even supposed to do, except demean her… ‘Oh, wait, yeah, that tracks.’

‘Exactly. Consider this challenge your punishment/test of will. You’ve shown commitment so far, but we need to know if this is the same Ashley A who would crawl through broken glass for us! Who would do anything for Ashley-kind!’, Ashley B explained, her eyes as fiery as her rhetoric, as she shook her fist in passionate display.

‘Um, I never crawled through broken…’, Ashley A started, but the dirty looks she received made her hush up. Nodding slowly, like a prisoner in death row, she trudged to her backpack (which she had left next to the table), deciding it was best to just get it over with. At least it couldn’t get much worse…

‘Oh, no!’, Ashley A suddenly cried, eyes flickering in fright, as she dug through her bag, tossing away her replacement PJ’s (in case of a stain) and concealed bag containing the Ashley R disguise. It had to be in there somewhere, between all the plushes and magazines and snack wrappers (she got hungry when she was anxious about her friends, okay?!).

‘Oh no what?’, Ashley B asked matter of factly, filing her nails, while Ashley Q and T shrugged at each other, legitimately confused. What was the holdup? Even Penny, as still as, well, a statue, craned her ears slightly to hear what was the hubbub.

Ashley A, voice growing anxious, held up her replacement black skirt and regular black jacket and called out without looking back ‘My underwear! I had changes of underwear right here! I always pack those!’

‘Must have forgotten. Too bad. Guess you’ll just have to use the ones you have on now.’, Ashley B waved her off with not an ounce of sympathy, resuming her nail grooming.

Ashley A was devastated. Penny was startled. Even Ashley Q and Ashley T found this perhaps just a little much. ‘Ashley B, are you sure? Maybe we can find a different challenge. There’s no need to…’, Ashley Q tried, chuckling to make herself sound less protesting, only for Ashley B to hit her with a death stare not dissimilar to her fathers. ‘Are you QUESTIONING my intentions? I crafted this plan SPECIFICALLY for Ashley A! So we can move past this, so we can finally be Ashley’s again!’

‘I know, I know, it’s just…’, Ashley Q panicked, trying to set things right again, but Ashley B growled and gripped her by the arm, hard. ‘Do you NOT want that?! Am I the only one that cares about US?!’

‘No, no! Of course not!’, Ashley Q trembled, fighting not to cry. Freeing her hand, she soothingly rubbed it, feeling sore from the grasp. ‘I… I was just thinking out loud. If you really think this is the way, then… Then I’ll do as you say.’

‘S…Same.’, Ashley T yiped, feeling terrible at how scared she was. She had wanted to ask Ashley B nicely to not grip Ashley Q’s arm like that, but decided it would be best to stay silent.

Turning her attentions back to Ashley A (after a centering nose breath), Ashley B pointed to the left. ‘Bathroom’s over there. We’ll wait.’

Ashley A opened her mouth to protest, barely getting 4 words out. ‘But… But Ashley B…’

‘Now, Ashley A.’

‘But Ashley B, I… Please… I don’t want to do this…’

‘Ashley A, do it now.’

‘But… It’s so embarrassing.’, Ashley A blubbered, feeling at the verge of tears.

Ashley B’s eyes grew dark, her voice darker. She stared daggers into Ashley A, seemingly holding herself back from slapping her. ‘You know what IS embarrassing?’.

She stood up and walked slowly up to Ashley A, every eye on her. It was like she was the house itself, unleashing its power onto the tiny human before it. Pointing in rage, she seethed ‘Not being able to trust our leader, a fellow Ashley, MY BEST FRIEND. What’s embarrassing is knowing I’d do ANYTHING for this group, while you can barely muster a FUCKING purple ensemble! What’s EMBARRASSING is that ALL I’m asking is that you prove your loyalty to us so that we can all just be Ashley’s again, and you bitch and moan about every single FUCKING thing!’

She set her forehead on Ashley’s staring right into her eyes, practically nudging them to act out, to prove their dishonesty. ‘YOU WANNA BE AN ASHLEY, A? YOU WANNA BE OUR FRIEND?!’

‘YES! I DO! I DO!’, Ashley A replied, terrified out of her wits, feeling her heart hammer in her chest, but not lying for a moment, her eyes standing still and meeting Ashley B’s.

‘...Then talk to the hand. Because all this face wants to see is a whack pair of underwear freezing in exactly 3 minutes. I don’t wanna hear promises. I wanna see action.’, Ashley B coldly replied, pointing to the direction of the bathroom.

Ashley A gulped, but nodded, to stay safe. She rushed off to the bathroom and prepared to do just that.

But as she closed the door, and looked in the mirror, holding the pair, she let herself shed one small pathetic tear.

‘Please love me again.’ she thought, as she braced herself to walk out to the kitchen.

It was like a death row march all over again, though Ashley assumed those prisoners never had to carry their underwear while their friends mocked and jeered them. Maybe. Ashley didn’t know how prison worked.

Slowly making her way to the sink, Ashley turned on the cold tap, and sighed. ‘This LITERALLY cannot get any wor…’

[the-blind-assassin-12]

HAPPY FRICKIN FRIDAY, EVERYONE!

Just popping in to say that I hope you all have a fantastic day and that your weekends all get off to the best start!

I know I haven’t been around much lately, (which quite honestly bugs the shit out of me) and I’m sorry for that. No, really, I am. I know it’s not a huge deal, and that I’m not letting anyone down in any sort of meaningful way, but I don’t like not being around. I don’t like not being more active and sharing more stories and screaming about stories or art that makes my heart go boom. I don’t like not chatting or laughing with you. The thing is that my life has been full past capacity with stressors and obstacles for the last few months, and I’ve been in straight up survival mode just trying to get to the next day. That sounds very dramatic but it feels very true.

Today we’re going to my sister-in-law’s wedding - an event that has been extremely stressful in various ways to get ready for, despite the fact that I’m extremely happy for her and her very soon to be husband - and I’m very much hoping that means that after today I’ll be a little more able to be more present here, and more able to write. I still have so many stories in my brain that I want to share, so many stories that I need to finish, and I hope I get the chance to now.

Anyway, this was a long post to say that I’m still here and hopefully I’ll be around more regularly very soon. And if you’ve recently tagged me or messaged me or posted a fic, please know I appreciate the heck out of you and I’ll respond and tag back in as soon as humanly possible. Lots of love, friends! ✌🏻🤍

[kaija-rayne-author]

DA 4 Veilguard predictions

Okay so I wanted to get a whole ass post about what I think is likely to happen in DA 4 done before the reveals but I haven’t had the time between work and life.

There are MASSIVE spoilers for every Dragon Age game, book, comic, and most internet theories in this post. Proceed with caution.

Also I swear like the truckers I grew up around. So CW on language.

First and foremost, I’m going to warn you all that I’m a die-hard Solavellan. If you don’t like that? Don’t bother reading this. And for gods’ sake don’t bother arguing with me about it. Depending on my mood, I’ll either first roast your face off and then eat it with bbq sauce or if I’m feeling generous, I’ll just block your ass. You like what you like about games. I’ll like what I like. I don’t shit in your porridge, I ask you to not do it to me. As I’m writing this, I’m 47 years old and I’ve been gaming since I was 9. Which means I’ve been gaming longer than a lot of you have been alive. Stop yucking on people’s yum. There’s far too little joy in this world. Go find your own.

So, this is just a partial post (albeit, in true to me fashion, an incredibly LONG one XD). It will cover stuff I think we might see revealed in things this weekend at either SGF or Xbox whatever (I have no idea why they’d bother with the Xbox thing since they hold such a small share of the gaming market these days but whatever.) We’re seeing something between Friday and Monday. Hopefully, enough to give hope to the masses.

Depending on how much time I have before I have to serve dinner I might add some more of my theories.

It’s a bit silly of me to be so obsessed about this game because my computer definitely won’t be able to handle it, and because I’m a disabled, neurodivergent author with a family to support… well… the likelihood of me being able to buy both a computer able to handle it and the game itself any time in the near future isn’t good. So, I won’t be able to play it. I am going to add my links and a go fund me to the bottom of this post (which has taken me hours to research and write so if you would like to donate to the cause I would be so deeply appreciative. Dragon Age is one of my AuDHD special interests, and it’s killing part of my soul to know I can’t participate when it comes out. I promise I’ll write all sorts of interesting stuff about it!)

But I can’t help myself. Letting my research-oriented, lore-obsessed brain noodle about Dragon Age is one of my very favourite special interests. So, without further ado… here goes!

CLASSES

I think we have a good chance of seeing some of these as playable classes.

Knight-Templar ❌

Lord of Fortune ✅

Antivan Crow ✅

Mortalitasi (Nevarran necromancer) ✅

Grey Warden ✅

Shadow Dragon ✅

Shaper/Carta/Kal-Sharok/Sha-Brytol Dwarf ❌

Veil Jumper ✅

Fen’harel Fanatic (not his usual people, the fanatical ones detailed in Tevinter Nights) ❌

Companions

A lot of these ideas come from the supplementary material that I’ve read at least three times each. I’m obsessed. What can I say?

Qunari: ✅ Tal-Vashoth Sarrebas, maybe Qwydion? ❌

Rivani Lord of Fortune: ✅ ‘Hollix’ maybe? That would be fun, plus they are canonically non-binary! Please please please? With sugar on top? ❌

Tevinter Mage/Magister: ✅ Maevaris Tilani ❌ would be so cool, but I’d be equally as happy to see Neve Gallus. ✅ Honestly, they both have benefits for me. Mae is trans and Neve has a prosthetic leg. Alternatively, I liked Myrion ❌ well enough that he’d be a cool companion too. And he’s canonically bisexual from what I read between the lines.

Grey Warden: ✅ Please let it be Antoine! ❌ (Antoine absolutely has ADHD and I would love to see more of that rep in a AAA game.) Evke ❌ could be fun too.

Templar Knight-Commander: Rana Savras ❌

Spirit Companion: I really hope it’s not Audric. 1. He’s not really a spirit, he’s a higher undead, which is a Zombie by any other term. And all the poor guy wants is to organize his library. I’ll be quite disappointed with the writers if they go this route.

So, we’ve had Faith/Wynn, Justice/Anders, and Compassion/Cole. There are two other widely known benevolent spirits in Dragon Age canon. Valor and Hope. Given what I think is gonna happen in DA4, my money is on a Hope spirit. ❓

Antivan Crow: ✅ Illario Dellamorte. ❌ (I really really hope it’s not Lucanis Dellamorte. 💩 He’s so damned annoying and gods that is NOT how an assassin operates. Here's my professional editorial opinion of why Lucanis is an absolutely terrible character.

Veil Jumper/Dalish/City Elf: ✅ Strife. ❌ Please please please? He’d be so awesome as a companion character. He’s not young! I want an older companion character. (And it would let them get away with the white hair on a darker skinned character without it being racist as fuck.) I just really hope he looks better than he did in the comics. The art style in those was just fucking terrible.

I am hoping that we can somehow romance Lace Harding. ✅ But I just don’t see how she could fit in with the reported likely classes and things I’ve personally considered.

That gives me 8 even though reports say we only get 7. But did you notice in this picture that there are 8? So either we’re gonna get a ‘secret’ companion like Loghain Mac Tir. (Three guesses who that will be and the first two don’t count.) Or they have a surprise for us. Or the art is off.

I could also see Kieren ❌ as a companion. (Morrigan’s son) He’d be just about old enough if we get the time jump reports are saying we will. He was roughly 12 in DAI. + 2 for Trespasser puts him at 14. Ten years minimum between Trespasser and DA4 puts him at 24. So, it’s possible. I could also see Vaea as a companion. But I’m not exactly sure how she would fit with classes.

Potential Advisors

Some of these I’ve got as potential companions as well because I could see them fitting either.

Dorian Pavus for Tevinter Magisters (I think this is very likely given Tevinter Nights.)

Maevaris Tilani (Same as above.)

Charter (I think we’ll see Charter stepping into Leliana’s place as Spymaster given what we saw in Trespasser and Tevinter Nights.)

Myrna/Audric (Mortalitasi)

Ramesh (Grey Wardens)

Genetivi (Scholar) (given what happened in Tevinter Nights I have a feeling we’ll be seeing him again under a new name)

Viago De Riva (Antivan Crows)

Andarateia Cantori (Antivan Crows) I’d love to see Zevran again but considering what he was up to in DAI I think it’s unlikely. Although something did happen in Tevinter Nights that might make it possible.

Lavellan: With how the story in DAI ended and what we saw in the end scene of Trespasser, I think they’ll be important in some way.

Fenris: (Wandering Warrior)

Cameos we might see:

Fenris

Isabela

Arishok Sten

Antaam Rassan

Kieren (Morrigan’s son)

Zevran

Vaea

Sebastian Vael

Viago De Riva

Andarateia Cantori

Lavellan

People I don’t think we’ll see or if we do it won’t be for long.

Cassandra (thank gods)

Morrigan

Leliana (sads)

Most of the cast of DAI and the previous games.

Bosses we’re likely to fight.

Solas. He’ll be a mini-boss and maybe one you can talk out of a fight.

FleMythal

Elgar’nan ✅️

Ghilan'nain ✅️

Andruil. She and Ghilan’nain often go together.

Critters/bad guys we’re likely to see.

Bone creatures from the necropolis.

Changed darkspawn/humans from Ghilan'nain’s labs. ✅️

Tentacley sea creatures from Minrathous and other ‘experimented upon by mages’ monsters.

Werewolves may make a comeback.

Antaam.

Venatori. ✅

Fen’harel Fanatics (these are different from Fen’harel agents).

Whatever or whoever the people across the sea are.

Carta dwarves

Titans

Sha-Brytol dwarves

Antaam Rassan

Antaam

Things I think we’re likely to see.

We’re going to see trans/non-binary rep. ✅ I deeply believe this is happening. I will be so sad if I’m wrong.

Sad as I am to say it. Varric is gonna die. The writing has been on the wall in drippy red marker since they fired his writer. I hate this, personally. I grew up listening to Brian Bloom (Varric’s VA) and he’s just one of my absolute favourites. But I don’t think Varric is gonna make it.

The how? I think, narratively, they’ll do it in a way that hurts Solas a very great deal. In DAI, Varric is one of the few people that Solas listens to. Apologizes to and actually talks to with a sense of respect in his tone that he rarely does with anyone else. Given events in the comic The Missing where Solas saves Varric several times… yeah. ✅️

If I were writing it? It would be an angsty as fuck scene where either something Solas does accidentally kills Varric in a friendly fire isn’t friendly sort of situation or that Solas can’t get there in time to save one of the few people he actually probably considers a friend.

So, the pain of Varric’s death will be what in the writing/editing trade we call a pinch-point for Solas’s character arc. How the player decides what happens will likely be one of those crucial choices matters points that will turn Solas down a darker path or possibly toward a redemption arc.

Flemythal isn’t dead. I’ve talked before about how she is not the happy fluffy bunny version of a mother goddess. Sure, she might be a mother goddess. But she’s the type that reminds us that mother nature is often more red in tooth and claw than nurturing.

And the lady is bent. Bent on revenge. Bent on using people to get her revenge. Just… if she ever was the good and kind person that Solas remembers? She definitely isn’t anymore.

I have a feeling given one of the stories in Tevinter Nights that FleMythal has infected Solas (vs sharing her power in a simple power up to help him save people move) with the dragon soul. Which could have been part of Mythal's soul even before the dragon had it, if some theories are correct. There’s been a lot of imagery and description of a dreadwolf like creature that is half lupine, half dragon. So, something is going on there.

And honestly, I think that’s going to be Solas’s breaking point with mommy dearest. (Please, please don’t let them have been lovers, that will squick me out so fucking bad.)

“Betrayal is always worse.” Is one of Solas’s really heartfelt lines in DAI. If I’m right, and FleMythal somehow manipulated that dragon soul she got from Kieren (talk about fucked up action right there) so that it’s gonna change Solas into a half dragon half wolf demon thing… welp.

I think FleMythal will find that Solas has a bit more backbone than he ever had in the past. He’s not alone now. He knows he’s not alone. He’s got friends. He’s got someone who deeply loves him in a romanced Solavellan playthrough. I don’t think Solas is going to be very happy with his dearest ‘best of them’ Mythal.

Best of them? Yeah. It doesn’t mean she was actually good.

So Mythal isn’t dead. I think she’s likely to be one of if not the BBEG along with whoever that voice was at the end of the teaser. My money is on Troy Baker ❌️for the VA and I’m really curious if I’m right. I’m thinking that’s probably Elgar’nan. God of Vengeance. Perhaps Mythal and Elgar’nan patch up whatever divine argument they’ve been having via celestial couples therapy or something. Who knows.

I think we’re going to see a split path depending on the choices of the player for Solas. Depending on our choices, he could go really dark, or he could have a redemption arc. Patrick Weekes tweeted to me that ‘there’s a possibility of a happy ending for Solavellan’ so I still have hope. I trust Weekes to write a satisfying conclusion to the Solavellan Romance. (I just don’t trust Bioware as far as I can throw them.) Weekes was the lead writer on this game, so I think it’s a good possibility that that’s how it’s going to be structured.

I think the game will very possibly be a multi-act structure like DAI. The first act is possibly going to be like the Hinterlands leading up to Coryphyfish blowing the hell out of Haven. I think the veil coming down is going to either be what starts off the game ✅ (like the explosion of the conclave in DAI) or will be the final ending situation of Act 1. Again. Player choices will likely affect this to some extent.

But y’all? That veil is coming down. ✅ And yes. I’m aware of that silly new name for the game. I don’t like it. (That ‘the’ was a mistake. Veilguard by itself would’ve been much better linguistically.) But if you’ve been following my ramblings about Dragon Age for a while, y’all will know I have issues with their linguistic usage and editing already.

Dumped Drunk and Dalishious did a fantastic piece on her blog about the veil. It’s here if you haven’t read it. Firstly, the veil was never meant to exist in THEDAS in the first place. If you deep dive the lore (and trust me, I really have. A LOT.) It’s obvious that the veil has been the cause of more problems than it has fixed. It’s been slowly killing magic in THEDAS since its creation. It has to come down. It’s also as holey a granny’s doilies anyway. Solas taking it down in a controlled fashion is very likely going to prevent far more deaths than if it keeps just falling apart piecemeal like it’s been doing forever. It’s unfixable and it really really needs to go. ✅

So once that veil drops… I don’t think it’s going to be as horrific as everyone has been bellyaching about forever. Solas’s often misquoted and wildly overblown lines from Trespasser (seriously do y’all even know what the word genocide means? You make me doubt.) are very likely a red herring at best. People are being willingly misled. ✅ I can’t really blame y’all.

Weekes is an absolute Master at playing people’s expectations and assumptions off of their preconceived notions, then throwing a bomb of ‘oops you were all wrong and it was right in front of you the entire time’. They’ve even said they really love to write things like that. I want to write as well as Weekes does when I grow up.

Humans existed before the veil. Why wouldn’t they afterward? Given some of the lore, Qunari also existed before the veil. Why wouldn’t they continue to? Will there be chaos? Yup. ✅ But change is often painful. And if anything needs change it’s the world of THEDAS. (Both for story reasons and for gameplay reasons.)

One of the changes I think we’re likely to see is the implosion of the Chantry. (I am absolutely hoping for this. I’m not a fan of organized religion on a grand scale like that and the Chantry has soooooo damned many skeletons in its closets and atrocities under its belt that I will absolutely celebrate when it burns to the ground.)

Which will happen if it comes out that Solas put up the veil in the first place and took it down too. The Chantry either outright claims or strongly insinuates that the maker put up the veil. It’s the cornerstone of their entire faith. Also, in the story Genetivi Dies in the End in Tevinter Nights, Genetivi is absolutely wrecked by the discovery that everything he’s ever written as a travelling Chantry Scholar has been a lie. The Chantry is going down.

So, there’s gonna be some chaos there. And that’s not going to be Solas’s fault because that veil is coming down anyway.

And can you imagine the absolutely hilarious chaos that’s gonna happen when word leaks that an elven god-mage was the one who is technically the ‘maker’ by Chantry doctrine? With all the horrific racism and sheer awfulness the Chantry has done to elves over the centuries? I’m popping popcorn.

I think we’re gonna see Felassan again. ✅️ Cause that elf isn’t dead. And no, Solas didn’t kill him. Please trust me, I’ve combed through all the lore, I’ve read The Masked Empire where it supposedly happened several times, and there is not a shred of actual proof that Solas was the one who did the deed. It’s a Weekes misdirection again. They've got the nickname Tricksy Weekes for a reason.

The actual facts about the 'murder'.

It was someone Felassan worked for.

Someone he knew.

Someone who he knew wouldn't listen to his reasoning. (Solas has been shown to actually listen to his friends and let them change his mind.)

Someone who could very likely have been female because Felassan likens the murderer to Brialla.

It was someone who could fade-walk or move in the fade.

Mythal can do that.

A Somniari/Dreamer can also fade-walk.

Probably most of the still extant Elvhenan can do it (which there were quite a few of in Mythal’s temple).

And we know from DA2 that at least one modern born Somniari/Dreamer exists in the world.

Point being, there’s no actual ‘Solas killed Felassan’ spelled out anywhere. No, not even in Cole's lines in Trespasser. Those lines only indicate that Solas knows about Felassan’s ‘death’ and that he’s sad about it. Cole talks in riddles and references to modern TV shows all the time. I have no idea why people take him even remotely literally.

I have a few theories about this.

IF Felassan’s spirit actually was killed in the fade (possible) his body wasn’t. His body would’ve been just lying there in the woods breathing like any other Somniari. Possibly made tranquil (which we know can be reversed).

What if Solas lost his original body in putting up the Veil?

What if he had a deal with Felassan or maybe came to Felassan to help him get back to his body after the attack and Felassan decided he was done and wanted to move on?

They're said to be friends. Never said to be employer/employee.

If Solas was awake and in the fade and sensed an attack on Felassan, he'd certainly have gone to help.

What if he gave his body to Solas?

Felassan's 'death' chronologically lines up to when Solas 'woke up'.

Felassan has purple eyes. So does Solas.

Felassan has fade-green magic. So does Solas.

Felassan is incredibly powerful. Stares at Solas.

Felassan knows far more about Fen'harel than even a scholar would.

Felassan knew far more about Eluvians, ancient Elvhenan, and The Forgotten Ones (Imshael is a Forgotten One) than anyone would reasonably expect any elf to know.

Felassan let Imshael see into his head about what was coming in the future. Which Imshael almost got off on. Imshael loves destruction and chaos.

I can make a list as long as my arm on similarities there. So, either Solas didn’t kill Felassan and the old? Felassan will be in the game once the veil falls, or it will be revealed that Solas has actually been wearing a (voluntary because a soul cannot take a body involuntarily) Felassan suit the entire time.

Probably blew some minds there, huh?

So given that Weekes has said that if Felassan was a popular enough character they would consider bringing him back… I think it’s likely we’ll see something to do with him again.

Also? The sheer hilarity factor of elves who do not want magic (Fenris anyone?) getting magic returned to them is going to be sweet.

I think we’ll see blood magic as a much bigger mechanic than in previous games. (And I hope they did some work on it to make it make more sense this time.) The game is going to have a lot of Tevinter content. Blood magic is a big deal there. Ergo… it’s likely.

Given some of the things that happened in Tevinter Nights, which honestly really feels like a teaser book to DA4 (I really hate the Veilguard name) I think it’s likely that we’ll see the Templars again. They’ve been in every game and book so far. I doubt they’d get rid of the useless bastards in this one.

Given some of the things in Tevinter Nights, I think it’s possible we’ll see just as many puzzles as we did in DAI, if not more. I’m hoping for more. I do love puzzles in these kinds of games.

I believe it’s highly possible that whoever drank from the Well is going to be completely fucked. Especially, if they follow a ‘kill Solas’ route. Remember who the well binds you to in Trespasser? Bingo.

I think it’s very likely that someone close to the main character is going to be a dual agent of Fen’harel. And it will not be someone we expect. We’re all gonna be side eyeing the mages after the last three games. But what if it’s a warrior or rogue who hides their magic? There was at least one character that completely hid their magic in Tevinter Nights.

We’re going to see more of the Evanuris and The Nameless/Forgotten ones. I base that on Imshael being in DAI and in Masked Empire and some of the dialogue between Felassan and Imshael.

Titans. We’re going to see the titans waking up and being royally pissed off. This is going to cause so much chaos for the dwarves. Who will also regain magic and a kinda creepy hive-mind thing, too. Again. That’s not going to be Solas’s fault.

We’ll have at least one Gala event. Very possibly in Minrathous or Vyrantium. Hopefully with better clothing.

Finally, for things I think likely… The Grand Necropolis in Nevarra is gonna burn. People seem to forget that Solas doesn’t just fight for the freedom of the Elves. He fights for the freedom of spirits too.

In case you haven’t read it… the Nevarrans imprison spirits in the corpses of their dead using mages called the Mortalitasi. I really don’t think that is going to sit well with Solas. In fact, I know it doesn’t. It’s spelled out in Tevinter Nights.

I think it’s probably going to be a quest line for the main character to go and save the necropolis or let it burn to free the spirits. This, of course, will be one of the choices that matter and likely another pinch point on whether Solas goes dark or gets a redemption arc. It will also deeply affect Nevarran politics and the way the country is run. The Mortalitasi basically rule the monarchs of Nevarra sooooo. It’s gonna cause chaos there too.

We’ll obviously see a lot of chaos with the Qunari. Their culture is splintering already. The Antaam have decided to go off the rails and attack anything and everything. Maybe the Ben-Hassrath will be able to rein that in. Maybe not. I don’t have very many predictions on the Qunari to be honest. They’re at war with Tevinter at the end of Tevinter Nights so that war will figure heavily in the game, most likely. But how that’s going to play out I haven’t a clue.

Some mechanics I think we might see.

Fade-touched weaponry that can stop mages.

Elemental interactions. (IE: Magic lightning x water = lots of zap)

Magically treated arrows. ✅️

More magical bombs and poison effects. (I might be just wishfully dreaming there because one of the things I miss from DAO is the poisons and traps mechanics. They felt like an afterthought in DA2 and DAI. I want to be able to make cool traps and set up ambushes again.) But there was that story with Dorian in Tevinter Nights where several of those things were used, so maybe? It would be cool.

I think it’s likely that we’ll see the Despair Demon from Tevinter Nights. And I’m still so mad that they fired the writer of that story. It’s one of my favourites.

Some things that are very possible? But I’m not sure of and could just be wishful thinking.

I think we might see Abelas again. (Abelas romance? Pretty please? ❌😭) His story does have one of those endings that kills him so it’s possibly just wishful thinking. But they brought Leliana back for DAI, so I don’t see why they couldn’t with Abelas too. And also, I have a voice kink and love his VA Matthew Gravelle.

We might see non-linear storytelling. I kind of hope we do because I love non-linear storytelling. Perhaps one storyline will be Arlathan (through dreams or time travel perhaps?) and the fall of it so we finally get some answers to all of this lore. (Please let us get some answers!)

We may see some problems from a rather irrational faction of people who say they’re working for Solas but are using methods he would never approve of. They may be sort of like the Venatori in the last game. Though I do think it’s likely we might have to fight a few more of the Venatori too. ✅ They’re still out there having really messed up rituals and stuff to destroy things.

I think it’s possible given a few clues in the lore and in Tevinter Nights that we’re either going to see not just a double blight (regular darkspawn and red lyrium darkspawn) but a triple blight with the green/yellow lyrium found in Ghilan'nain’s labs. Remember that Ramesh only destroyed one of them. There are eleven more. I think that’s going to very possibly be a big part of this game.

Settings/Levels/Areas I think likely.

So, we already know that the game will be taking place in the north of THEDAS. That’s a no brainer after the map reveal in the teaser.

But where exactly will they take us?

In Tevinter, I think it’s very possible we’ll see Minrathous ✅ and Vyrantium. We may see the Black Divine’s/Archon’s palace.

We’ll see Arlathan Forest. ✅ That I’m almost certain of. We’ll probably also see ancient Arlathan somehow. (Dreams or barely used time-travel mechanic from DAI?)

We’re going to be spending a lot of time in the deep roads and even farther below the deep roads. And dear developers please let me have some answers to all this lore.

We may spend some time inside a Titan again.

Pre-veil drop, we may spend some time in the fade. I actually hope that with the veil dropping we get to rescue whoever got left behind in DAI. That would make my heart so happy.

We’re likely to see the crossroads at least a little bit.

Antiva! Gods I’m looking forward to seeing Antiva.

Anderfels/Weisshaupt. We have no idea at the end of DAI or Tevinter Nights or Last Flight what the hell is going on up there, so I think we’ll have to find out in the game. Also… more chaos that is most definitely not Solas’s fault.

Rivain?

I think we’ll see the Golden City. And the Black City. Which is likely the same place.

And I don’t think it’s up in the sky. I think it’s deep underground below the deep roads.

Ships! I think we’re going to see some more ships. That’s based on a story in Tevinter nights and some of the splash art. But gods I really want more ships. Especially in a place like Minrathous or Antiva for fuck’s sake!

I think we might see some underwater levels for various reasons. And I hope we do.

These next things are honestly my hopes and dreams that would make me so happy, but I have little to back them up with as far as lore or books/comics and supplementary materials.

Polyamory options. PLEASE give me polyam romance options. BG3 did it. It’s 2024 and only 30% of dating people are monogamous. Get with the times! ❌️

I want CC body sliders so bad. ✅ Give me the ability to make a fat player character please! Not just because a lot of gamers tend to be on the heavier side but honestly? Because a fat adventurer is going to be able to go farther than any skinny twig. Real strong men/women/enbies do not look like gym bunnies and models. They have a good layer of fat over that muscle for stability. Guess what fat is? It’s energy storage. A fat adventurer is going to be able to survive longer than a twig. I could go on… but come on Bioware. Be brave. Let me have a fat adventurer. ✅️

Decent. Fucking. Hair. ✅ Please let the CC have decent hair options. LONG hair options! Let me have my long haired elfy prince dude!

Isabela cameo. She’s one of my favourite DA2 characters and some of the early splash art makes me hopeful we’ll see her again. ✅️

I’m hoping for DAO origin style stories for the Main Player Character. But ideally? We’d have something like BG3 where we could play one of a number of origin stories or make our own blank slate character. ❌ Given the gossip going around the gaming community I’m thinking this is unlikely, but damn do I want it.

Useful. Mounts. Please let us have actually useful mounts. And GRIFFONS. ✅ Give me flying mounts you cowards!

Prosthetic using characters. ✅ Bioware has the worst track record when it comes to ableism, but gods please. They’ve got it set up perfectly with Inky losing their arm. There’s a prosthetic leg user in Tevinter Nights. PLEASE LET ME HAVE PROSTHETIC USING CHARACTERS.

Better Crafting Options. The crafting was okay in DAI. Especially if you mod it in so you can buy the stuff to do so easier (I really hate killing dragons but it’s the best crafting material!). But it also often felt more like an afterthought?

Better. Clothes. Seriously. Give me some razzle dazzle with the clothing. ESPECIALLY since we’re going to Tevinter where how you dress is absolutely important!

I know this is sniffing the genie smoke here, but could we have actually attractive armour options? With BRIGHT colours? Research shows that a lot of historical armour was 1. Gorgeous and well fitting. 2. Brightly painted! Let me have bright colours! (And please not the yellow plaid. Ugh.)

I hope for more gardening options in whatever base we end up using. I loved the gardening options in DAI, but they weren’t big enough for my plant loving heart.

I really want to see Solas in flying Wolfie form. We see him like that in Tevinter Nights. So, I really hope we get to see him like that in game.

Finally… and I know I’m high on my own hopes here… I really hope we get the gifting options back. Completely unattached to approval is fine. I just want to be able to find the perfect gift for my companions like I do in real life with my friends. It brings me so much joy.

Things they’re likely to fuck up.

Sadly, I think there’s some things Bioware is very likely to fuck up. This could just be me being too pessimistic, but they’ve screwed these things up throughout the entire series and to my knowledge they didn’t hire any diversity consultants in the making of DA4 sooooo…

Ableism. Bioware has a terrible record when it comes to ableism. ✅ (the demon design is going to cause visual strain and possibly bad effects for epileptic gamers).

White-washing. The North of THEDAS is like the South of Earth. If they make most of the people there have light skin I will probably boycott the fuck out of Bioware for the rest of my life. ✅️

No fat character ability in CC.

Really fucked up hair options. Seriously Bioware. It’s bad.

And I think they’re going to be in trouble when it comes to the Lords of Fortune. Look. I love the idea of the class and I even love how a lot of them are described in the books. But it’s absolutely glomming onto the stereotype of the Romani, and I don’t think that’s going to go over well at all. It won’t for me with my Romani heritage, and it really shouldn’t for anyone. Cause you know what that stereotypical usage is? It’s Racism. Bioware also doesn’t have the best track record regarding racism either.

As more thoughts come to me I’ll either append stuff to this post or do others (probably the latter.)

And here are my links if you want to toss me a buck or two as a tip. I'm recovering from a pulmonary embolism (do not recommend) and every penny helps because I'm the sole income for my family.

And if you're in Canada like me you can use Interac. Kaija.rayne.author@gmail.com.

As always, thanks for reading my rambles!

[universallydestinytaco]

A Wild Nerve-Ending on a Friday Night (Oneshot)

*mood music*

Well, tonight is the end of S2, beautiful friends…it’s been a lot of fun. I’d like to thank each and every one of you who made this off the wall, chaotic shitposting journey with us. This blog wouldn’t have been anything without y’all! Hopefully this show left us with some good memes….

So, until S3, I’m gonna keep writing silly little fanfics like this! Stay gold, critters.

….bang. /ref

Inspired by this post from @friendlysmiler

Pim is canonically quite the party animal himself from what we saw in everyone’s favorite episode so who knows what hijinks the little pink imp gets into? XD

Side Note: Bill and Smormu are not only both alive here but they’re a wlw couple here, Bill is a he/him lesbian and Smormu is transfemme and sapphic, because that’s how I roll.

Monday, 7:15am

A fresh start to a brand new week at the Smiling Friends charity has officially began as everyone punched in and awaited their breakfast Alan theatrically-prepared while he channeled his inner Joichiro Yukihira in the breakroom kitchen.

Charlie was scrolling through his phone while smirking at old Rage Comics from over a decade ago with Glep watching on his shoulder and making a similar goofy smirk while Pim happily drew a picture of his co-workers in colored pencils to stick onto the fridge while quietly singing a song from one of his comfort shows.

“Take a moment to think of juuuust, flexibility love and truuust~”

Once Pim colored inside the lines, he hopped out of his chair and scurried to the fridge to display his masterpiece. “Excuse me, I’m just going to grab the cheese to melt over our deluxe omelette.” asked Alan in his usual monotone voice while Pim let out a nervous squeak while stepping out of Alan’s way. While Alan grabbed what he needed he inspected Pim’s drawing a with an impressed smile. “I really like your picture here, you even perfectly replicated my scales.”

Pim started excitedly fidgeting his hands as he chirped: “Thank you, Alan, I always find it weird whenever people draw you, they tend to forget or deliberately leave it out. I think your scales are beautiful!” Alan got a bit bashful while trying to stay focused on finding the cheese grater, uttering a somewhat-shaker “Thank you, you’re too kind….damn can’t find it, don’t want to burn the omelette so I’ll just-“ Alan grabbed a knife and precisely peeled thin-layers of cheddar to gently lay on top of the fluffy eggy clouds seasoned with garden-fresh herbs and spring onions.

Charlie couldn’t resist making a cheap shot at his slinky red co-worker: “Hey guys, Alan cut the cheese.”, such was a line that caused him and Glep to burst into laughter as if they where in grade school. Alan, who was serving plates carrying slices of the omelette, wasn’t amused and was tempted to gift the two wisecracking ingrates each an equally-tasteless surprise of pulling a Glep into their food, but took the high-brow road with a classy remark: “Let’s switch the conversation to a topic with actual substance…so, how did everyone’s weekend go?”

Charlie piped up first: “I played through the entirety of this one cool RPG for two days straight then when I finally beat it I celebrated getting wasted at the bar before getting kicked out for starting another brawl and spent all Sunday sleeping off my hangover.” He lifted his right sleeve to reveal the cherry on top: “On the way home I got this bitchin’ tattoo.” Lovingly detailed on Charlie’s arm was a crudely-drawn snake-dragon thing with arms breathing fire.

Alan then turned to Pim, asking: “How was yours?” to which Pim casually replied: “Oh, nothing much, the highlight was me and some friends hanging out at a pool.”

…

Friday, 6:00pm ~ Three Nights Ago…

Pim was sneaking around with a group of familiar faces as the moon hung in the sky like a charm on a bracelet, a chorus of snickering harmonized with the chirping crickets and the hooting owls. They stop at their final destination: the fence barring access to a familiar estate from the common folk….that didn’t stop the wild bunch from helping each other break in by climbing over and slipping through. Greeting the mischievous party was a grandiose pool yard just begging for the crowd to jump in. “Ah, the perks of having connections with an A-List Celebrity….” Pim monologued to himself, before taking his shirts and shorts off revealing underneath was a hot sparkly teal one-piece with a star-shaped hole at the back for his pollywog tail to peek through. Smormu, who wore a pink floral-print bikini under her button-up and capri-pants whispered to Pim: “Are you sure we’re not going to get caught?” Pim replied with a grin: “Don’t worry, love, Mr. Frog’s out and about somewhere, probably at a crummy bar, and probably causing his usual commotions there so he isn’t too concerned with whatever’s happening here.” As Duncan and Dj Spitz set the mood by the former playing a 90s bop out of a retro boombox and the latter breaking out the booze, Everyone stampeded over to the pool in unison, each individual jumping in the cold crisp waters in various amusing ways as the loud victory cry of “GERONIMOOOO!!!!” bursted out of the ever-excitable Filmore’s mouth like a firework into the sky. It was a rip-roaring time with just a hint of good-old-fashioned chaos, just the way Pim liked it.

Just three nights night ago around this time, Pim was uncontrollably sobbing to himself in a pillow over the fact that his fickle sister Amy invited literally everyone she knew to her wedding… except for her ever-loyal and loving baby brother, bragging about having Mr. Frog as a celebrity guest. Sick of crying his eyes out and being excluded from his family’s lives on a daily basis, he figured he could have a celebration of his own! The only downside was his co-workers having plans of their for that weekend, otherwise he would have invited them over for this late-night dive.

“A toast to our dear comrade and member of the Pennsylvania UFO-Hunting Squad, the ever-lovable Pimling!” Bill proposed as he raised his glass, everyone followed suit, chanting Pim’s name, except for a heavily-intoxicated Dj Spitz pounding in his chest and hollering out: “FUCK YEAH ROCK ON LIL PINK MAN!!!” Of course Pim immediately got flustered, his face turned a vivid shade of hot pink as a result of all the positive attention while mustering the confidence to reply until grinning sheepishly and raising his own glass, stuttering: “T-thank you everyone, you’re all too kind…all this hype about little ol’ me.” In a rush off of the praise and the sheer audacity of his actions, he chugged his drink down without a second thought. Everything after that was a string of vague, discombobulated visions of what happened in-between the rest of the night…

Saturday, 5:02am

It was a very early morning when the dizzy, light-headed Pim woke up front-facing the twilight sky melting into daytime, getting up and finding himself floating inside Mr. Frog’s grandiose fountain in front of his house until he immediately snapped out of it upon just noticing the strewn toilet paper and graffiti all over the statue. In a panic, Pim swam out and scurried around looking for everyone else and making sure nobody was left behind, his heart raced discovering more of the shameless if not karmic defilement of Mr. Frog’s property: overturned lawn chairs with one thrown into a window, discarded junk inside the pool and the jacuzzi, more TP strewn around like party streamers and someone’s trunks (presumably Duncan’s) hung like a flagpole like a comical take on a windsock. It seemed everyone except Pim had taken off before sunrise if not gotten arrested. Combined with the panic attack he was getting and the unambiguous symptoms of a hangover reeking havoc on his body, Pim tried to reach for a trash can to stress-vomit until he collapsed and relieved his bile in the jacuzzi. Minutes went by as Pim felt weak like a newborn kitten, prepared for the legal trouble he was about to get himself in if Mr. Frog wasn’t going to maim him Spamtopia-style first….just then a familiar voice rang in Pim’s ears that filled him with relief, Pim’s eyes cracked open as he started upward at a sober Bill holding the hand of his stumbling partner, Smormu. “Morning, buddy, need a hand?” Pim responded without so much words as it was a tired grunt and raising his stubby pink hand to initiate Bill and Smormu helping their friend up. “Let’s hurry and get out of here, unless we wanna throw a party in the county tank.” Bill chuckled.

Later that day saw a double-dose of tea and drama Pim was secretly and gleefully catching up with, from Pim’s mother recanting to Pim how much of a disaster Amy’s wedding was when Mr. Frog showed his ass once again by getting drunk and trashing the place, even spilling red wine on her wedding dress. Then the news that Mr. Frog came home to his place utterly savaged, claiming he’d seek revenge on the purp but considering the type of person he was, everyone assumed that Frog did it himself after coming home from the wedding he was invited too and was too drunk to remember.

Monday, 7:27am

Pim finished with an uproar of laughter from his co-workers plus Mr. Boss, all of them in shock and awe that the one always perceived as the cute little “goody-two-shoes” of the Smiling Friends charity was capable of getting up to some serious frat boy-level shenanigans. Charlie felt as if he wasted his time spending his weekend the same as the last, so he asked his best friend: “Hey Pim, you think I can hang out with you next weekend?” Pim made an innocent pose, putting his finger on his lips as if he was a kid who got caught stealing from a cookie jar. “Well, maybe not same-the-same-place but I know another celebrity’s pool yard to break into! I hear the Krombledashians are hosting the Meep Gala next Saturday…”

[allylikethecat]

Happy New Year!

I wanted to apologize for dropping completely off the face of the interwebs so suddenly I know that no one expects any kind of explanation but I got a bunch of really nice asks which I promise I WILL respond to in the coming days and so I feel like I owe all y’all wonderful people one?

Matty had said / done somethings in real life that I didn’t agree with, and as a result I decided I wanted to take a little time off from fic writing to kind of come to terms IRL Matty vs Fictional!Matty - the plan was to work on some more Hockey RPF and Top Gun stuff.

BUT THEN

Life just life-ed really hard. I went to a horse show, then after we got home Pop coliced really badly and while he did NOT have to have surgery, thankfully, it was really scary and stressful for a bit there, and then he just wasn’t really doing all that hot after. He’s going to be 18 in 2025 and was also down and thrashing / kicking pretty violently before they found him, since of course what better time to colic than 3am on the coldest day of the year, and potentially hurt himself a bit while doing it. Then it was a “why did he colic” situation and they thought maybe he had ulcers, but he actually doesn’t which is shocking in a show horse and now he’s on probiotics and I wake up in a blind panic every night worrying about him.

Then I was out of town (something I debated still doing after Pop got sick but my vet told me to go) on a family trip to celebrate that my mother’s cancer hadn’t gotten worse (yay!). Then I got back and Pop decided he was over all of the taking it slow stuff, so he spooked and dumped me. It was the first time I had fallen off him in over a year and a half and he stepped on me on my way down 💀 Luckily nothing was broken but I was bruised as shit - both from where I fell and also from where he stepped on me. Luckily it’s winter so no one has to look at the lovely purple hoof shaped bruise on my thigh or the one on my ass / hip / back. He fully felt very bad that I fell off and stood over me with concern instead of running away which I appreciated.

I’m also moving the second week of January so finding a new place to live was also super stressful, because moving! Then I lost my job just in time to fly back to visit family for the holidays. BUT luckily, I worked for a consulting company, and the company I consulted on called me up and hired me directly so your girl is employed again after the most whirl wind stressful few days. I think I have new gray hairs. December was not my month lol

BUT it’s now a new year, where I’ll be going into a new (old) job, a new apartment, and hopefully no new bruises and a healthy pony! With everything going on something just had to give, and the thing that ended up giving was tumblr / writing fic. I did however read NINTY books this year so I was super excited about that. All the time I had previously spent on the internet ended up being time reading.

I hope to get back into writing soon - I know I owe y’all a new chapter of On a Friday and I actually was able to sit down and work on some of that today.

If you made it to the bottom of this, thank you so, so much for reading this long rambling over sharing post, my fics and just being so wonderful and supportive. I appreciate you all more than you even know and I look forward to writing fic and chatting about it again soon! I hope you have a wonderful, happy New Year, because 2025 is going to be the best yet!

❤️Ally

[saturdaynightghostclub]

also idk if you still do these 😭 but i just thought of leander working his ass off to take the reader on a trip somewhere he might’ve gone when he was younger perhaps a little something along the lines of that ? in my head i feel like hes obv very happy but maybe sometimes regrets that he can’t afford to share some of the good experiences he’s had in his life w his partner ykwim ? idk im just yappin

Never stop yappin! As I re-read your ask I realized this isn’t totally what you were describing, but hopefully you like it anyway—if not, you know I’m always down to write whatever one-shot your heart desires ♥️

The Heart and Stomach of a Sailor (or, Leander Mason Dreams of Greece)

“Wake up.”

Something soft–his knuckles grazing your cheek, then his lips–and you blink yourself awake in the heavenly recesses of Leander’s fancy duvet. A glance at the alarm clock on your bedside table tells you that it’s not even eight o’clock in the morning, and your stomach flips.

“Oh, god,” you moan around the sleepy lag of your jaw, “don’t do this to me.”

Leander chuckles softly against the shell of your ear, squeezing your shoulder from his perch behind you on the bed. “You sure?” he asks, “What if it’s important?”

“It’s Saturday,” you mumble, turning your face into the pillow so that your voice is blurred around the edges, “how important can it be?”

The bed shakes as Leander lets his body fall dramatically alongside yours. With a theatrical sigh, he says: “No, you’re right. I was going to tell you all the sordid details of our upcoming trip to Greece, but I guess it can wait.”

Hold up. You move your body incrementally, rolling over to face your ridiculous love. “Run that back for me.”

“No, I shouldn’t, you’re much too tired–”

“Leander.”

Another loud sigh. “If you insist,” he says, unable to keep the goofy grin from his face, “I’m taking you to Greece. One week. Don’t give me that look.”

You check yourself, schooling your face into something that might be construed as neutral. Mask set, you raise one anticipatory eyebrow, prompting Leander to continue. “That’s better,” he says. “Here’s the plan. This coming Friday, I’ll pick you up from work and take you directly to the airport. We’ll start in Athens, then move on to Mykonos and Santorini. Eight days–I’ll have you back the following Saturday, you can take Sunday to sleep off your jetlag, and it’s back to work on Monday. Deal?” He’s doing his Accountant Voice, the one that dares you to try negotiating at the risk of personal and financial ruin.

“I have some objections,” you say. Maybe if you match his matter-of-fact tone, he’ll be less likely to shut you down.

“Proceed,” he allows. You don’t like the smug look on his face.

“My boss.”

“Handled. I called her last month.”

“And you told her what, exactly?” you ask, your mouth agape. Your supervisor is a notoriously difficult woman to please.

Leander rolls his eyes in an exaggerated display of mockery. “The truth,” he says, “that I’d planned a romantic getaway and she’d have to spare you for a week, and also that she’d need to keep it a secret because I will not have my grand gesture of love upstaged by a hardass editor I’ve never even met.”

“You didn’t–,”

“No, Professor, I didn’t. I was much nicer about it than that. She’s a romantic, though, you’ll be happy to know–she only fought me for about five minutes before she agreed to let you go.” Pleased with himself, Leander nods, waiting for your next objection.

“Fine,” you say, “where’d you get the money?”

At this, he fully grins. “Didn’t I tell you about that sweet little bonus I got?”

You sit bolt upright, turning to look down at Leander (who naturally doesn’t move an inch from where he’s reclined on the mattress). “You got a merit bonus big enough to book a weeklong trip to Greece, and you chose to spend it on a weeklong trip to Greece?”

“Yep,” he replies, his grin somehow widening, “it was literally the first thing that crossed my mind when Nancy handed me the check.”

“So you just did it?” Your incredulity pitches your voice up an octave in the way you know Leander finds hilarious, but you can’t help it.

He finally sits up, taking your face in his gentle hands and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I know you think I’m stupid, or insane, or some mixture of the two,” he says, his voice softer now, and his lips are on your cheek–“and you’re probably right, because you’re much smarter than I am,”--now your jaw–, “but you’re going to have to trust me on this one, okay?” –your neck, your collarbone, past the neckline of your T-shirt–, “Everything is going to be alright.”

“I believe you,” you say cautiously, “but not because you’re trying to ply me with sex. Got it?”

Leander laughs, soft and warm against your skin. “Look at it this way,” he says, bringing his face back up to train his eyes on yours, “I grew up going to Greece every summer, right? My dad had this timeshare deal with some of his white-collar crime buddies or something, I don’t know. Anyway, those trips were always miserable somehow or another, but I loved the islands–I always thought I’d do it over, do it right. Take someone I love, maybe. So really you’ll be doing me a favor.”

You sigh. You have about six hundred other objections, but you know you’re fighting a losing battle with Leander. He’s the only person on Earth more stubborn than you are, and an undercover idealist to boot. “Are you always so good at keeping secrets?” you ask.

Leander knows he’s won. He kisses you hard before pulling away to answer your question. “No exaggeration, it was literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Why do you think I woke you up before eight? I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer, I was actually going to explode. I wasn’t even planning on telling you until Thursday night.” His words are spilling out faster than he can keep up with. His boyish excitement is contagious, and you find yourself grinning (in exasperation, you’d like to think) while he tells you about tidepools and seaside markets, You’ve never been to Greece; really, you’ve hardly left the country aside from a quick stopover in Canada en route to Alaska when you were eight. Time will tell whether the fluttering in your stomach is anxiety or excitement; for the moment, though, Leander’s nudging you back onto the mattress, ignoring the Chicago heat to tangle his limbs with yours, and you can’t bring yourself to sort it out just yet.

***

A little over a week later, you’re halfway through your trip and stumbling giddily into a hotel room in Mykonos with a tipsy Leander draped around you and your cheeks flushed pink. You’re laughing hysterically, but neither of you can remember what was funny in the first place.

“Go…go sit,” Leander gasps, out of breath from his fit of laughter, “sit right there, and I’ll…I’ll get wine. More wine.”

More wine is the last thing either of you needs, but the world is rosy and the man you love is gliding about the room in a beautiful haze, so you sit on the sofa he’s pointing vaguely at and watch him work.

Two high-pours later, Leander collapses beside you (practically on top of you, actually), miraculously keeping both glasses intact without spilling a drop. He hands one to you, and you hold it delicately by the stem, taking a long sip to get it down to a reasonable level.

“Scoot,” he mumbles, nudging you gently to the side only to pull you back in with an arm around your shoulders. He lets his hand fall idly down your arm, fingers stroking up and down your skin in an absent rhythm.

You turn your head to gaze up at him. “Hello,” you say softly, almost shyly, reveling in the way your stomach flips when he looks down at you.

“Hello, my love,” Leander murmurs, his shy smile mirroring your own. He heaves a sudden, deep sigh and drops his head, letting his forehead rest against your temple.

You laugh softly at his theatrics before you say, “What’s this?”

Leander lets his head fall further, slouching to lean on your shoulder. “I’m feeling so much,” he says softly. His voice is thick with emotion. With the hand that’s not holding your wine glass, you run your fingers through his soft hair. He’s stopped styling it so much since you’ve been here, claiming the salt water will just screw it up anyway.

“Good or bad?” you ask.

“Good,” he murmurs, “just a lot.”

“You wanna tell me about it?” This is your pattern, the two of you. Experience something new, work it out together. Nine times out of ten the “something new” in question is just a completely healthy reaction to something you’ve never experienced in its entirety, but that’s beside the point.

At last, Leander lifts his head. As he often does before he dives into the deep end of a conversation, he kisses you. He breathes you in, red wine on his lips, and you feel yourself melt just a little bit before he pulls away. It’s his way, you think, of letting you know that whatever’s about to be said doesn’t change anything, doesn’t have to be a big deal. Maybe it’s also to ground himself, who knows. He sets his wine glass down and you follow suit. “It’s just weird being back here,” he begins, lifting one of your hands to his lips to kiss your knuckles before continuing, “like, earlier this week we walked past this pier, right? Just this rickety old thing, you probably didn’t even look twice at it, but I swear I remember standing at the end of that exact pier when I was fifteen, just waiting for my dad to finish screaming at me so I could jump in the water. I don’t even remember what he was mad about–honestly, I probably wasn’t even paying attention at the time. I just wanted to swim away, and the water was so blue…did you see the water, honey? It looked like sapphires, it was so blue.”

You nod, resisting the urge to kiss him again. Sometimes it’s all you can think to do. “It was beautiful,” you agree.

“Anyway,” Leander says, “we walked past that stupid pier, and I swear for a split-second I felt it again. Like I just wanted to jump in and get as far away from all my problems as I possibly could.”

“And?” you pry, worry creeping into your voice.

“And then I realized I don’t have any problems,” he replies in his matter-of-fact way, “I mean it, look at me. I’m wine-drunk in a hotel in Mykonos. I’ve got a beautiful woman in my arms, and it’s only a matter of time before that beautiful woman becomes my wife. Earlier today, I swam in the ocean. And the best part is that it doesn’t have to end when I get back to Chicago.”

“You sure you want to swim in the Chicago River?”

Leander pokes you gently in the ribs. “You know what I mean. When I was a kid, everything was so high-stakes, you know? Coming to Greece felt like a way to escape my life, and even when I was here I constantly felt like I needed to get away. I have nothing to escape anymore, Professor.”

Now you do kiss him again, just because you can’t contain it any longer. “You had me going there,” you say, breathlessly, as you pull away. “I was really worried for a second.”

“I never want you to worry about me,” he says, so sincerely that your whole body aches for him, “I know I’ve put you through the wringer, my Professor. That’s why we’re here, though. Because I wanted to be the one taking care of you for a change.”

“Leander…”

“I know. Just humor me, okay? I’m drunk, just go with it.”

You sigh. You can’t just go with it, and he knows it. “I wouldn’t be the person I am if not for you,” you say simply, “I’m not even sure I’d be a person at all.”

At that, Leander locks his gaze on your face, and you hold his bright eyes with your own. It’s the same silent battle of wills that the two of you engage in semi-regularly (less frequently lately, but there’s still the occasional bout of insecurity). The tension usually dissipates once you realize you’re essentially arguing about how much you love each other, and if that’s not a perfect depiction of your relationship then you don’t know what is. Now, as usual, he takes a deep breath and relents.

“Never stop giving me shit, okay?”

“I promise.”

It’s a vow you intend to stick to, and you’re sure he wouldn’t have it any other way; he needs you, you know, to rein him in, and you need him if only to have someone around who doesn’t mind being lightly needled every now and then.

Leander stretches his body across the length of the sofa, lanky frame draped over your lap like a cat, and resumes his drunken diatribe about the waters of Greece. For your part, you resolve to ask your boss about a promotion. Maybe next year you can try Italy.

[highwayphantoms]

happy friday jay! for the Rook of your choice, from the Rook codex prompts: A note/letter that Rook never sent

Thank you for the prompt! This one's a twofer... have a letter that Rook received, and the one they... started to write back. Veilguard spoilers for @dadrunkwriting

Words: 417 Rating: G

-

A letter found in Aquile's room and written in Orlesian, which has clearly been crumpled up and smoothed back out:

My dearest friend, We miss you terribly at Weisshaupt. Or, at least, Elisa and I do. I don't think the Senior Wardens share the sentiment. Rumor has it you've gone and upset the First Warden. I assumed that's true, that sounds like something you'd do. I hope you don't plan on coming back to Weisshaupt before he's forgotten about it! (But please, do tell me all about it. No one knows what you actually did or said, but I'm sure it's important.) I hope this letter makes it to you, anyway. I don't know where you are these days, but I do know you were in Minrathous recently, so I've sent it along with a Warden headed that way. Hoping you'll write back and tell us everything you've been up to... since you still haven't written since you left over a year ago. Waiting hopefully for your reply, Genevieve

-

An unfinished letter written in Orlesian, found in Aquile’s room and crumpled into a ball.

Genevieve, I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to write back to you. You wouldn’t believe half the things that have happened since I left Weisshaupt. Sometimes I’m sure it’s all just a wild dream that I’ll wake up from, but so far I’ve had no such luck. By now, I’m sure you’ve already heard what happened with the First Warden, but if you wanted my version of the story, it goes a little something like this. I interrupted an unbelievably large ritual, some ancient blighted mages escaped their prison as a result, and I sent word back to the Wardens about it. The First Warden met me in Minrathous, chewed me out for “recklessness”, threatened to throw me in prison (again), and only backed off when a magister stepped in on my behalf. No, I don’t know how I got so lucky, and I can only hope that luck continues, because I swear things just keep getting worse. I miss you and Elisa too, but I’m sure we’ll see each other soon. I just heard from Evka and Antoine that they’re calling everyone back to Weisshaupt, so instead of posting this letter I’ll just hand-deliver it. Or try to, anyway. We’ll see how far I get [In a different ink, the letter resumes:] What a fucking mess. I’ll try to find you in Lavendel. I hope I’ll find you in Lavendel.

[imaginebeyondyourdreams]

The Secret’s Out

*This is kind of short but I’m just trying to get back into the habit of writing after a long time away. I hope you like it regardless! This is kind of a part 3 to the previous Seth stories.*

Seth and you had three more 'dates' since that first one. Each one was better than the last. The last date happened to be a week ago. You've been dying to see him again but school and life had been kicking your ass this week so you only got to communicate through text the last few days. He had to be one of the sweetest people you've ever met and always called you 'beautiful' when talking to you. You couldn't believe that someone as nice and sweet as him was focusing his attention on you. Your phone started ringing, pulling you from your thoughts. Looking down, you saw Seth's name pop up on your screen.

"Hey," you answered, smiling into the phone, "I was just thinking about calling you."

"Great minds think alike, beautiful," his voice sounded wonderful through the phone, his laugh making your heart race a little, "What are you doing tonight?"

"Seeing as it's finally Friday and I don't have school tomorrow, hopefully hanging out with you," you replied, your cheeks going warm at how forward but honest you felt you could be with him. He made you feel safe and warm and cared for. 

"That's what I was hoping for, too. There is a group of us getting together tonight for a bonfire. I was wondering if you'd like to go with me." He sounded nervous, as if you'd ever say no to him, "I know you haven't met my friends, but they're going to adore you,  I promise."

"I… I guess it wouldn't hurt to finally meet them," you replied, feeling anxious, "It has been over a month since we started hanging out."

"Sounds good! Would you like me to come pick you up, or do you want to meet me on the Rez at 7?"

"I'll just meet you! Saves you gas coming to pick me up and drop me back off," you responded. He said goodbye before hanging up, leaving you to your thoughts and worries about what you would wear tonight.

-

You arrived at the set time, dressed in a cute summer dress. Seth came running up to you, shirtless as always, something that always caused your cheeks to flush. 

"You came!" He said, reaching out to hug you. He's always so touchy, something you've been getting used to lately.

"As if I would stand you up," you joked with him, wrapping your arms around his torso shortly before letting go and stepping back, "I'll be honest, I'm kind of nervous about this."

"It'll be fine," he reassured you, taking your hand in his and leading you down to where everyone was gathered, "Everyone, this is ______. _____, this is everyone." He spent the next few minutes, pointing out who was who and telling you their names. Some you recognized from the diner that first day and you remembered Kim from your numerous trips there. 

"I hope our boy has been treating you well," one of the women, Emily, spoke softly, smiling at you, "We try to raise these boys with manners."

"Oh, he's been great," you replied, blushing as Seth squeezed your hand, smiling over at you. 

"That's good, we'd have a problem if he wasn't," Sam spoke curtly, but the smile on his face showed he was joking.

The rest of the night went by quickly before a few more older men joined, beginning to tell stories around the bonfire. They were legends of the tribe, one standing out the most, about the tribe being descended from shape-shifters. You smiled as you listened, enchanted by the stories. After the bonfire ended, Seth asked you to walk along the trail with him, not wanting the night to end.

"So, did you enjoy yourself tonight?" Seth asked as you walked, your hands intertwined together. 

"I did! Everyone was so nice and the stories the Elders told were mesmerizing," you replied.

"I'm glad. I really wanted you to meet everyone, you know?" He looked into the distance, like he was trying to work up the courage to say something.

"I could tell it was important to you," you waited for him to say something but he was just silent for what seemed like forever, "Is something on your mind?"

"There is something I've got to tell you… but it's going to be hard to hear," he said softly, coming to a stop and letting go of your hand.

"Is something wrong? Did I do something?" You immediately began worrying about what you could have done to upset him tonight. Were you not social enough? Did someone not like you? Was he going to end whatever was going on between the two of you? 

"No! You could never, beautiful," he spoke quickly, trying to shut down the insecure thoughts. "It's something about me that I need to tell you about but it's… I don't know how to begin."

"You can tell me anything, Seth."

"The legends, about us being descended from spirit warriors," he began quickly, not sure how else to say what needed to be said, "It's not just legends."

"What do you mean?" You were very confused. This definitely wasn't anything you thought he was going to say.

"We are. Descended from spirit warriors, I mean." He could tell you weren't really following what he was saying, "The stories, about the shape-shifters? They're all true. That stuff really happened and is real."

"I'm not following, I guess," you took a step back, "So your ancestors were shapeshifters? That's impossible."

"It's not. They really were and some chosen few still do today," he explained, holding out his hand for you to grab but yours just hung at your side as you tried to wrap your head around what he was saying, "Say something, please?"

"What do you want me to say? You sound crazy right now, Seth," he had to be joking, right? This was just an elaborate joke he was playing on you,  "You're saying that shapeshifters are real and that some of you are wolves to this day… Why tell me this?"

"Because… I am one as well," he said sheepishly, trying to put on a smile for you, "I'm a wolf."

"That's ridiculous. This is a joke, right? Please tell me this is a joke, Seth." He smiled sadly at you, dropping his hand to his side.

"I wish I could but this is real," he cleared his throat, "M-Maybe I should just show you?"

"Show me? You mean change right here right now?" You looked around, "Are you crazy? This is just great! I was really starting to like you,  Seth."

"I like you, too. That's why I'm telling you this," he said quickly, "I don't want to lose you but I need you to know the whole truth of what I am and what you mean to me. It’d just be easier if I show you. I’ll be right back.” Before you could say anything, he rushed off behind the trees. Part of you wanted to just walk off away from this crazy talk, but the other part of you, the part that could feel the connection you had with Seth, made you stay. You heard noises from behind the trees before a large wolf stepped out. Your eyes widened as you took in the sandy colored wolf before you.

“O-Okay… so you’re not lying,” you replied shakily, taking a step back from the wolf who looked at you with Seth’s eyes. You felt your stomach drop as fear took a hold of you but something inside of you told you that you were still safe with him. He disappeared once more, returning back in human form before you could begin to process what just happened.

“I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you,” he began, stepping forward towards you. You were frozen in place as you looked at him, “I didn’t want… I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I… I could never hate you, Seth. I’ll be honest, I’m a little freaked out,” you replied, your mouth feeling dry from your mouth hanging open for too long, “But I don’t hate you. I’m a little scared.”

“I’d never hurt you!” he spoke quickly, reaching out and grabbing your hands, “That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. That’s the other part. You remember the story about the imprints?”

“Yeah, the chief and his wife, right?” Seth squeezed your hands, pulling you towards him.

“You’re mine,” he said plainly, not sugar coating it at all, “You’re my imprint. You’re my soulmate.”

“O-Oh…” You didn’t know what to say. As he explained what that meant, everything started to make sense, like why you felt such a strong connection to him. You supposedly were meant to be.

“I know it’s a lot to take in,” he began, wrapping his arms around your waist as you still just stood there, “I’ve just dropped a whole lot on you.”

“You certainly have,” you replied, trying to find a deep breath,”But I think I’m okay.” 

“Yeah? You’re not too freaked out?”

“I mean, yeah, a little… but it kind of makes sense,” you rested your hands on his arms that were around your waist, “I’ll need a little time to get used to everything, but I’m not going anywhere at the moment if that’s what you’re worried about. Can I go home now? I just need to think all this over.” 

“Of course!” he nodded, letting go of you and stepping back, “Can I drive you home? We can come get your car another day, I just don’t want you driving like this.” You nodded, allowing him to lead you to his friend’s truck that he was borrowing. You got in and buckled up. The ride home was silent as you mulled everything over. When you arrived home, you both got out and he walked you to the door. “Will I see you later?”

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere just yet,” you replied, sighing as you gave him a short hug, “I’ll see you tomorrow. We need to talk about this more.” He nodded, saying his goodbyes before you went up to your room, changing and crawling into bed for a long night of dreams starring one young wolf.

[thelittolpinkstudent]

[4/30/2024]

hello, hello! happy last day of april! i have one week left until i finish school for the semester. i’m really aiming to push myself forward and finish the semester strong 💪

here’s what i’ve been doing recently:

✅ studying for my german quiz tomorrow

✅ finishing up my final guided readings

✅ revising my fiction writing pieces

✅ write feedback for others’ fiction pieces

and here’s what i still need to get done:

⬜️ anthropology study guide/studying

⬜️ revise my german script

⬜️ make my german presentation

⬜️ edit my fiction writing portfolio

⬜️ ballet self assessment

i’m so happy with my progress! i worked really hard last weekend to get to this point. tomorrow, i’m going to start on revising for german and creating my study guide for anthropology while i do my laundry. probably one of my last loads of the semester, which is a silly thing to get excited about, but i can’t help myself!

on friday, i have performance day for my ballet class, and then i have a performance on saturday for my tap club. then, monday begins finals! i have my anthropology exam, and hopefully, i’ll finish a majority of german work so i can relax tuesday and wednesday before my thursday presentation. i’ll also be packing friday and saturday, since my family is visiting this weekend and they’ll be able to take a lot home before i actually finish, and i’ll mainly just have the essentials with me during finals week.

it’s been so beautiful out, which has been making it a little hard to focus on work, but i’m ready to lock in! i believe in myself! and if you too are struggling with this final stretch, i believe in you too!

i’ve been really enjoying this playlist on spotify that i rediscovered recently called dreamy forest music. it’s so calming and nature-grounding, and it’s really helped me focus more while i’m working.

another good thing that happened was i won a round of bingo! i got a weighted sleep mask and a textured tumbler :) another another good thing was im getting off the waitlist for two classes in the fall! i got moved to position 1 on the waitlist for one that still has a few spots that were reserved but not taken and i got permission to overbook a class i’ve had my eye on since last fall. currently, i’m just waiting for further instruction from the registrar to register for the classes. they’re very busy now with a million other people and classes, so im trying to be patient 😌 i’m rubbing my lucky energies onto all of you in hopes that you all benefit 🍀

enjoy the ending of your semesters! you got this! have a great day! 💕

d-9 until end of freshman year

[hoseoksluna]

— ᨳ hello my babies, how we doing?

i’m 50% done with the second part to steam and even though i was struggling a bit in the beginning, it’s going great now. i think it’ll be a little lengthy, so be prepared for that 🤭

came around to tell you that if i finish it before sunday, i promise to post it early. i have the day off on friday, meaning i’ll have plenty of time to write—meaning, HOPEFULLY, i could get it done by then.

keep your fingers crossed for me, guys!

i miss u all in my inbox and comments. come talk to me 🩷

[packedandstrapped]

omg hi. this is an update from the long curly grey haired anon(hopefully you remember) it’s a long one plz get ready. so basically i seen her on friday at the game and i was like i cannot let this pass up so after the game ended i went and talked to her (i was literally so nervous to the point i was nauseous) but she was so nice and she called me beautiful 🥹🥹🥹 (and i took ur advice and wore a shirt with a lot of cleavage out😈😈 and also a skirt with a slit on the side) and we ended up talking for a little while(it turns out she was in fact not married and doesn’t have a girlfriend and she’s 30 so literally perfect) and she asked me to go on a date the next day (saturday). after i left my stomach was literally doing backflips. so anyways next day comes i get ready for the date. she comes and picks me up (she has a nice ass car like i did not expect that) and she was so fucking charming and kind and she’s just so fine her smile is so perfect omfg i’m cheesing writing this. but she took me to this nice ass italian restaurant because i said i liked italian food the day before (like baby you remembered🥹🥹) and there was no awkward silence at all. the conversation came very naturally and she is so smart (her vocabulary literally was turning me on lowkey 🤫 ) but we “argued” cuz she insisted on paying. anyways after we ate we walked around and we held hands (her hands are so big omg) (she saw me staring at them 😉😉😉) but we walked over to this little pond thing and this was just so peaceful and it started getting a little late and she said that she was gonna take me home and i was like can we go to ur place 😉😉😉 (ifykyk) jk but i didn’t wanna leave her yet i was having such a good time. but we went back to her place and had wine and we started making out and she ate me out( lowkey wanted her to strap me cuz she’s tall asf ik her strap game is good asf) but that’s for next time i’ll let u know what happens😉 and then i ended up staying the night and we cuddled to sleep😘😘. and then we woke up and she took me to a diner (and paid😒 like baby can i plz pay for u) and we drove around and talked about just random shit and then she dropped me off at home. and we planned another date!! also we’ve been texting all day!!! i rly rly like her also thx for the advance on helping me talk to her i really really appreciate it. if this goes any further do you want me to let u know what happens or what!!!!

What an update to the grey haired butch basketball coach saga! 👏

This is incredible. You have to let us know how her strap game is or maybe you know by now 😉