#i’m not sure I would call any of this filler though

[toournextadventure]

our little secret pt.v

Summary: Letters to you.

Word Count: 4.5k Warnings: swearing, mention of possible suicide (slight mention, nothing happens), mental instability, mental spiraling, religious talk (Southern Christianity) Pairing: Lorraine Day x Reader (Masterlist) A/N: this is like a little filler, just having fun trying out something different. Don't worry, there's still a giant chapter left! Also? When Lorraine signs the letters to you, she puts a little heart over the i <3

June 15th

I thought you said you’d always be waiting. But I come home to hear from your momma that you’re on a vacation with Roy? Why didn’t you tell me before I left? I would have given you a proper goodbye.

It’s probably a good idea, though. Roy could definitely use the break and I’m sure you can too. I know the past few weeks have been… rough. I’m sorry. I didn't know it was going to happen. But we can talk more about things when you get back. For now, make sure you have some fun, okay?

Your momma said y’all went out West. If you could write me back and let me know where, maybe I can meet up with you. We can have a proper vacation for once. Do y’all have any real plans, or are you just traveling? I’m sure either one will do the job. You always did want to get out of town for a bit.

Our shoot went well. Max and Bobby-Lynne asked about you the whole time. It doesn't sit right with me when they're constantly checking up on you. Maybe I'm just jealous. It's probably nothing compared to how you feel. At least they mean well, I suppose. They send you their love. Maxine sent… a little more than love, but I’m not telling you about that.

By the time you get this letter, it shouldn’t be too long before you’re back home. I’ll be here waiting for you, okay? Don’t forget to send me some postcards. And if you find anything cute, don't forget to buy it for me! I'll pay you back, I promise.

I'll see you soon.

Yours, Lorraine

—---

June 29th

Having too much fun?

We all thought you'd both be home by now. The 4th is next week, you know. We never miss the 4th. Daddy said he would cook out this year. He's making your favourite and Beau and Huck got the good fireworks. We can take the truck out and watch the show, just you and me. RJ will be out so we can be free for a bit. That’ll be nice, right? A nice little break. So you better not miss it.

Speaking of, Beau isn’t too happy that you’re not home yet. He’s been doing a lot of pacing and mumbling a bunch of nonsense. I think he’s being a bit dramatic. He’s not happy that you left without letting him know. Said he could have told you a few places to go to be safe. I think he just misses you. We all do.

We haven’t been out to a shoot for a while. I’m glad. It hasn’t been the same since RJ proposed. Nothing has, really. Things just don’t feel the same. There’s guilt in everything I do now, I don’t know how to explain it. I just don’t feel comfortable with anything, even daily chores. Did you ever feel that guilt? The one that sits deep in your belly?

On a brighter note, Jimmy and Liz are back in town. They seem to be doing good. And no, they’re not pregnant, thank God. It’s a modern miracle. They had hoped to see you before the summer is over. Of course they will though, it’s not even July yet, the summer is still young. Besides, I know no vacation is more fun than hanging out with us, right? Even Roy would agree, I know it.

Momma is calling me to dinner now, so I’ll wrap it up. I’ll see you on the 4th, okay?

Yours, Lorraine

—---

July 23rd

Hey darlin, I think it’s about time you came home. You’ve more than missed the 4th, and Lorraine ain’t too happy. It’s the first time you’ve missed a holiday, you know? It ain’t like you. I know this ain’t the happiest place for you right now, but your family is here. We’re all here.

Where’d you go anyhow? You and Roy are homebodies, y’all don’t know anybody out West. If you really wanted a vacation, you could’ve waited for us to get home. We would’ve taken you. I’m sure Lorraine would’ve been happy to go too. We could’ve had a double vacation, you know? Like we always talked about?

Huck and I won our competition the other day. Wish you had been there to cheer us on. We wiped the floor with everybody. Best team ropers in the South, just you wait. You’d best come home for the next one. I’d hate to get too popular for you to notice us, you know?

I’ll keep Lorraine calm and happy, but I really need you to get home, darlin. It’s a bit past time to be concerned. At the very least, send us a letter back. I can handle you being gone for so long if I know where you are. I know this isn’t a happy place, but we’re still worried about you. We can make it a better place again, I promise.

Just send me something back, okay? I’d appreciate it.

Love you, Beau

—---

August 12th

Hon, I really think you need to come home. Lorraine and Beau are losing their minds. No one has heard from you or Roy since you left, and your parents don’t seem worried at all. Your momma seems the slightest bit concerned, but your daddy isn’t. Everyone is just acting weird, so you need to come home.

Jim and Liz left for seminary again last week. They were mighty upset they didn’t get to see you before they left. It’s been about since Christmas since y’all were together, right? They miss you both. Y’all are family. Maybe try to write him while y’all are gone, I’ll write his address at the bottom in case you don’t remember.

If I have to listen to Beau and Lorraine ask where you are one more time, I’m going to lose my mind. You know neither one of them knows how to be patient or think logically. They have a single bad thought and run with it. I need you here to help me calm them down, because you’re fine, just taking a break from everything.

No one blames you for taking a break. After everything… it’s the least you deserve. I’m not supposed to tell you this, but Lorraine asked the other night if this is her fault. I told her it wasn’t. We all know that girl loves you to the moon and back. And we all know you love her back. Things can be worked out, but you’ve got to come back home first, okay?

After all this, you had better be having the time of your life, darling. I’m going to assume as much since you’re not answering anybody. Hey, if you can’t write back, can you at least give us a number to try and call you at? Beau said he’d pay any long-distance charges, he just wants to make sure you’re okay.

He’s playing the part of a dutiful boyfriend, you know. Everyone thinks it’s romantic. I know he’s just worried about you, but it’s weird to hear everyone giving him their sympathies. Is this how you feel when everyone talks to Lorraine about RJ? Like you’re in second place in a race you hadn’t wanted to compete in? Because if so, then I think I understand you a bit. It’s… not a nice feeling.

Ah, I won’t get sentimental. We can talk more when you get home. I think I understand you a little better. That’s kinda sad, isn’t it? Took you leaving for me to get a better grip on your feelings? Well, just come home soon so we can talk. As I’ve made clear, Beau and Lorraine miss you. But I miss you too, darling. Enjoy your trip, but please come home soon safe and sound.

With love, Huck

—---

October 9th

This ain’t funny anymore, you know. It ain’t funny, and you need to get home now. You can quit ignoring all our letters, we get it. You’re hurt, you’re upset, you wanna teach us a lesson or somethin. We get it, we understand, just come home.

Lorraine is losing her gotdamn mind, and quite frankly I am too. No one’s heard a peep from you or Roy. You didn’t even like the West, you had always said it was too different. Never liked how they did their food either. So why would you even go out that way anyway?

You’re probably out drinking those fancy beers they try to peddle up there. They’re not as good as ours and you know it. Or you’re out doing those stupid hikes that you never cared for, getting more blisters on your heels because you don’t even like walks. There’s nothing good out there and you need to come back.

You should’ve left us a note before you left. That ain’t like you, you know. You always let us know where you’re going. You couldn’t even go to church camp back in the day without leaving a personalised letter for each of us. But now you just up and leave in the middle of the night? No warning? That ain’t right and you know it.

People keep asking me where you are and I don’t have any more answers. I can only say “she’s on vacation” so many times before people realise it’s a lie. And it is, isn’t it? It’s a lie. You’re not on some damn vacation. If you ran off, just let me know. I’ll leave you alone as long as I know you’re safe.

Did we make you that miserable? Was being around us so awful that you had to leave? You could’ve told us first. We could’ve come up with a plan, something that wouldn’t hurt you so bad. I don’t know what we could’ve done, but we could’ve tried something. Anything at all.

I need you to answer my letters, honey. I really need you to let me know you’re safe.

Please be safe.

Love you, Beau

—---

December 17th

You missed Halloween. And Thanksgiving. Are you going to miss Christmas too? And New Year's Eve? Am I going to have to jump into the new year without you? Please let me know if I am, because I need to be prepared. I’ve spent holiday after holiday waiting for you to come back, for you to spend it with me again. I get my hopes up every single time just for you to not be there.

RJ keeps asking me what’s wrong, and I’m honest with him. I miss you. I miss you so badly my chest aches. But he doesn’t understand. He thinks I just miss my best friend. And I do, you’ve always been my best friend. But you’re so much more than that, and I can’t explain it to him until you get back because I need someone to hold on to while you’re gone. When are you coming back?

Are you waiting for an apology? Because I’ll give you one, I’ll give you as many as you want. I’m sorry about RJ. I’m sorry about the proposal and that I didn’t say no. I’m sorry about Mr. Dylan, he never should’ve touched you. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye properly. I’m sorry I avoided you after the proposal, I was just scared and didn’t know what to do.

I’ll say sorry for anything you want or need. Just please answer me. Please come home. I don’t want anything else for Christmas, I don’t want any other miracle, I just want you. Please come home.

I miss you.

Yours, Lorraine

—---

January 24th

We searched Roy’s room and found all his guns gone.

I’m done asking, darling, you need to call us or send us a letter. Now. Now, I don’t believe Roy would do anything to you, but your daddy is on a kick about how unstable he was. How he’s still sick from the devil and all that nonsense he would always preach. I know he wouldn’t touch a hair on your head, but I really need you to answer me.

Lorraine has been losing her patience with RJ. She yelled at him the other day just because he tried to hold her hand. Told him not to touch her. It was quite the show. And it’s going to get her in trouble. She needs you, you know? You’re not the only one who has to hide.

I’m sorry, but I went through your room. It’s been long enough, your momma practically gave me the go ahead. You didn’t take any of your letters from Lorraine. Did you mean to leave them? I hope you didn’t. I hope it was an accident, and you didn’t mean to leave us behind.

Beau has a letter for you too, but he’s not done with it. I don’t know how to help him. He’s got himself convinced he should’ve done more. I don’t know what he should have done. I don’t know what he could have done differently. Did you want him to propose? The three of us could’ve moved off somewhere, you know. We could’ve made it work if it’s what you wanted.

Everyone wants you home. They need you to come home. No one is complete without you, it’s like a big part of town is missing. Stevie from the bar finally pulled me aside and asked about you last weekend. I couldn’t even give him an answer. He said he’d pray for you. Said he’d keep a shot of the good stuff saved for when you get back.

Fuck it. I miss you too. You’re one of my very best friends, hon. You’re the one who’s been with me through everything. Hell, you introduced me to Beau. You’re the only one I can truly talk to about things. I need you home too, okay? You’re part of my home, so I need you to come back.

I need you to write back.

With love, Huck

—---

January 30th

You’re an absolute bastard. You know that? You’re a fuckin bastard. A vacation? Give me a fuckin break, you didn’t go on no gotdamn vacation. Where’d you go, huh? Somewhere we’d never find you? Did Roy convince you to leave? He probably did, the prick. Ain’t no way you would’ve left on your own, you’re not stupid.

What the hell were you thinkin? Just up and leavin like it ain’t nobody’s business. Well it’s my business. It’s my fucking business and you should’ve told me. You’re supposed to be my girlfriend. I don’t care that we’re pretendin, I still fuckin care about you and you just fuckin left? Did I mean that little to you?

We had a pretty great thing goin, you didn’t have to leave and ruin it. I don’t care that it was a lie, we were happy. I still had Huck, and you still had Lorraine, and we were happy. You didn’t have to pack your bags and leave like a thief in the night to, what, prove a point? Well I get it now, you weren’t as happy as I thought. You could’ve told me instead of doin all of this.

You’d better answer the gotdamn letter this time. I ain’t playin around anymore. You better answer the letter and get your ass home. And if Roy is readin this, then you better get her home. You’d better have kept your gotdamn hands and your guns away, and you better get her home. Now.

Beau

—---

February 15th

Hey, momma said I should try to send you something. She said you might answer me since I’m your baby brother. Are you and Roy okay? I don’t care what Pap says, I know y’all aren’t dumb, y’all didn’t go do something stupid. Roy probably just grabbed his guns to keep you safe. He’s not crazy.

Gramma came down with something nasty. The doctors think it’s pneumonia, but we’re still waiting for tests to come back. You both should probably get back just in case it’s bad. She misses you. She prays for you both twice a day. It’s really sweet, she just wants you both safe.

Seminary has been alright. Boring. You would’ve liked it more. Heck, you would’ve been better at it. No one knows the bible quite like you, I don’t care what Pap says. If any one of us should’ve gone off to study, it should’ve been you. Maybe once he sees how bad at it I am, he’ll change his mind. Think so? Probably not.

I’m waiting to propose to Liz until you both get back. I’ve got it all planned out and everything, even bought a ring. You’d like it, I think. But I can’t get married without my big siblings, right? Don’t worry, I can be patient. Y’all just get home safe and sound, you hear?

We love you. The both of you. We’ll see you soon.

Jimmy

—---

February 18th

Your Gramma passed away today. The funeral is in two weeks. That should be more than enough time for you to get back.

We’ll see you soon, love.

With love, Huck

—---

March 4th

Your Gramma’s funeral was today. You weren’t there. Why weren’t you there? You meant the world to her. She meant the world to you. You were the one she wanted to see, and you weren’t even there to see her buried.

She would have wanted you to be here.

Yours, Lorraine

—---

April 4th

A police report came in that they found two bodies in the river a few hours away from here. The bodies are decomposed too much to make identifications. I swear to god, hon, it better not be you. I know things were hard. For the both of you. But you didn’t have to go and do that.

It better not be you.

With love, Huck

—---

May 26th

Your daddy practically declared you both dead at church this morning. I guess after almost a year, he’s tired of worrying about it. He was never a patient man. I don’t think anyone really believed him, but who’s going to argue with their preacher? No one in this town, that’s for sure. Momma and daddy said you’re probably fine, just got sick of your daddy. No one would blame you if that were the case.

After church, Mr. Dylan told your daddy you and Roy had tried to kill him the night you left. If that were true, I don’t know why he didn’t bring it up when everyone was asking where you were. Don’t know why he saved it for now, but he did. Said you had both tried to kill him in the church.

He told your daddy you were a queer. Said you were a queer and you were going to infect the town with your sin. Huck hit him. Square on the jaw, knocked him out cold. I had thought it would be Beau. I hope he gave Mr. Dylan a concussion.

Did he really find out? Because I didn’t tell anybody, I swear. We always kept things a secret. At least I think we did. No one was ever around that didn’t already know. I know none of my crew told, they wouldn’t dare. I promise I didn’t tell anyone.

Momma asked me this evening if you really were queer. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what her reaction would be. She has always loved you, I didn’t want her to think any less of you because of what Mr. Dylan said. Daddy said we shouldn’t talk about it while you’re not here. Said it wasn’t right to talk behind your back. I don’t want them to hate you.

I won’t ever let them hate you.

Yours, Lorraine

—---

June 1st

I hate you. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I hate you. I hate you, and I hate Roy, and I hate this fuckin town and everyone in it.

You were supposed to be here, gotdammit. You were supposed to be here, and we were all supposed to grow old together. What the fuck were you thinkin? Don’t you know how much you’ve hurt me? Don’t you understand? We might not have been in love, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love you. I loved you, and you went and broke my heart like this?

We were all supposed to be together, you know. No matter what, remember? I thought you were my Huckleberry. Well what are you now, huh? A coward. You’re a fuckin coward. What, times get hard so you leave? You just pack your shit and leave with your crazy fuckin brother?

What were we to you? Were we just a means to an end? Nothing more than a toy for you to play with? Cause you were never that to me. You were never anything less than my best friend, the only girl I ever loved. And you just fuckin left me. Was I not good enough for you?

If that’s how you feel, then good fuckin riddance. Stay away. We don’t want you back in this town anyway. Go stay with your new fuckin friends that won’t ever fuckin know you or care about you the way we do. No one is ever gonna understand you like we do.

Don’t even bother comin back.

Beau

—---

June 2nd

Please come back. I can’t do this without you.

Beau

—---

June 4th

I broke off the engagement today. It’s all just too much. I can’t even stand looking at him anymore. Every time he looks at me makes my skin crawl. I can’t even stand being in the same room with him anymore. Each time he touches me makes me feel like a piece of my soul dies.

Did I do this to you? Did I push you to leave? If I did, I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. If I had been smarter, I would’ve suggested dating Huck instead. Then none of this ever would have happened. The four of us would’ve been together and no one would have ever known. We could’ve been happy.

Were you that unhappy? I never wanted you to hurt. All I ever wanted was you. Every time I had to fake a smile with RJ, or play nice, I always thought about you. I didn’t care about him, he was just a good distraction so no one would know about us. It was stupid. I never should’ve been afraid of how I felt.

I need you to come home. I need you to come home and tell me everything will be okay. Nothing feels the same without you. Foods don’t taste good, the sun isn’t as bright, nothing is fun. Most days I don’t even want to get out of bed anymore. I would rather rot away than go another day without you.

I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for everything. I’ll take everything back, I’ll tell the whole world that I love you. I’ll hold your hand at the store. I’ll sit in your lap at the bar, and pull you to dance with me. I’ll do whatever you want, whenever you want. I just want you back. I need you back.

I love you. You’re my home. I need you here with me.

Please come back to me.

Yours, Lorraine

—---

July 1st

You took my heart with you, you know. No one else is ever going to have it. Please keep it safe.

Yours, Lorraine

—---

The bonfire was hot against Lorraine’s skin. Far too hot. Combined with the sweltering summer heat, it was painful. She didn’t care. Painful at least felt like something. It felt like something real, something she could focus on. Almost as real as the pile of letters in her hands, all stamped with the same thing on the front in red.

Return to sender.

“I’m sorry,” Max said softly. Her hand was surprisingly cool against Lorraine’s upper arm.

On the other side of the fire, off in the distance, she could hear Beau yelling. Drunken, incoherent rambling that no one could really understand. Huck had given up on trying to console him. After all, how could he console him about something that they couldn’t fix? What would be the point?

Another beer bottle shattered against the hard ground.

You were supposed to come back. You were supposed to be there waiting for Lorraine when she got back from filming. Then you were both going to talk, and you were going to come up with a plan to get out of the engagement, and then everyone was going to be happy. Maybe you could’ve gone out East for real, like the four of you had always talked about.

The letters in her hand felt like lead.

“Do you want us to give you a minute?” Bobby-Lynne asked. She squeezed Lorraine’s shoulders. It was comforting. Grounding.

“No,” Lorraine said softly. “It wouldn’t matter anyway.”

The letters were the last connection she had to you. Your daddy had quickly emptied out yours and Roy’s rooms, labeling you both as sinners and traitors. She had been lucky enough to grab your hat before he had thrown everything out. It sat comfortably on her head right at that moment.

Her last remnants of you.

No tears came as she held the letters over the fire. The flames licked the skin of her damaged fingers. She knew, logically, it should have hurt. It didn’t. Maybe, if she kept her hand there long enough, you would appear and pull her back. You would scold her for doing something dangerous, and then you could both go to bed.

That’s all she wanted. She just wanted to go to bed.

Her fingers pried themselves away from the letters, and she watched them fall onto the bonfire. One by one they caught a spark, turning a dark brown and curling around the edges before igniting. She could see the different handwriting on each page. Beau, Huck, Jimmy. Her own. All filling the pages with their thoughts, their concerns, their feelings. Things they would never dare tell each other.

She watched the fire until the very last letter burned. Your name faded away into the orange flame. You faded away into nothing, and when your name was no longer legible, Lorraine felt her own heart go with it. There was a space shaped exactly like you within her chest. No one would ever fill it, and she didn’t want them to.

You were her heart and soul. Her home.

She would never find anyone else for as long as she lived. And then, she would find you in death.

She would find you in every lifetime. No matter how long it took.

[genshinluvr]

Suitors

Pairings: Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader

Summary: Many people in Teyvat knows about your relationship with twenty-five men. Though, they disregard it and continue to try to set you up with someone they know. What happens when one of your "suitors" ends up being wanted by the Fatui?

Note: I guess this counts as a filler-ish story, not entirely sure 🤔 For those who are wondering about the new smut series poll and when it'll close, I will close it when the fic is about to be written and it's planned out. So far, the first chapter isn't planned out but I do have the top 10 so far with the most votes. I've been busy with submitting assignments for my final week of winter classes, so this fic may not have turned out how I wanted it to. 🥲 Anyway! I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).

Warnings: Would the reader drinking three glasses of champagne count as a warning?

Word Count: 9.1k

It’s a known fact that you’re dating these handsome twenty-five men of all forms of life, from humans to archons to Onis to half-animal beings, etc. You’re never alone when you’re in Teyvat. When shopping for ingredients, you’re accompanied by Thoma and sometimes another man in your relationship circle. Oftentimes, when you go to the Akademiya, Al Haitham, Tighnari, Kaveh, and Cyno are the ones walking you to school. Everyone at the Akademiya knows you’re close with the Acting Grand Sage. You like to tease Al Haitham for his title and call him by it, knowing it’ll annoy him a tiny bit when you call him by that title.

But just because you’re dating these twenty-five handsome men does not mean your relationship with these men is going to last long, according to the people that have approached you (and disregarded the men’s presence) to ask you to do a favor for them. When they ask you for a favor, you assume it’s to assist them with something! Like homework, if you’re at the Akademiya. But it’s something else you never think about.

The elderly man holds your hands and gives you a sweet smile. “You’re young, intelligent, and very social! Are you single by any chance?” He asks.

You smile at the man. “Thank you! And to answer your question, I—” 

The man cuts you off.

“Wonderful! I have a grandson who is around your age! I think you two will make a fine couple!” He says, giving your cheek a squeeze. 

Childe lets out a fake laugh, his eyes twitching while holding back from smacking the old man’s hand off your cheek. Childe turns to look at the other men, his lips pressed into a thin line, his face turning red from holding his breath. The other men were giving the elderly man a strained polite smile.

Childe grabs your bicep and pulls you to his side. “I’m sure your grandson will find someone amazing! Unfortunately, that amazing person for your grandson will not be our dear lover,” Childe says, wrapping his arm over your shoulders.

Gorou nods. “Childe is right! We’re sure your grandson will find someone almost as amazing as [Y/N], but [Y/N] is not single!” Gorou says, looping his arm around yours protectively.

The old man looks at Gorou and Childe, surprised by their comment. Before the man could open his mouth to reply, Childe and Gorou whisk you away with the other men close behind. It was supposed to be a lovely day in Sumeru with your boyfriends. You all had finished lunch an hour before and were about to go cloud-watching. But this old man approaches you and your boyfriends, starting a conversation with you. 

The conversation started with him asking you about what it’s like to be in the Akademiya because you were in your Akademiya uniform! He then started talking about his grandson, telling you how the man is in his mid to late twenties and yet still doesn’t have a significant other! You joked and said maybe the grandson will find someone as magnificent as you one day, and now here you are. 

Heizou chuckles. “You’re quite the talk around Teyvat, aren’t you? I’m starting to think we should put you in disguise when we go outside the abode,” Heizou jokes.

“Aw! Trying to hide little ol’ me?” you tease, reaching toward Heizou and pinching his cheek. “What if someone asks you where I am and would assume I’m single?” You ask, batting your eyelashes at him.

Everyone stops in their tracks and thinks for a moment. You weren’t wrong. If they put you in disguise to hide you away, many people will assume you either broke up with the twenty-five men, or they’re cheating on you with someone else. Okay, so maybe putting you in disguise or going out into Teyvat without you would be a bad idea. 

Aether shoves Heizou to the side and gives you a smile. “We’re not going to do that! In fact, let’s all get necklaces of [Y/N]’s name on it, and [Y/N] will have necklaces of our names!” Aether suggests, propping his hands on his hips with a weary smile. 

You blink at Aether. “I don’t think twenty-five names would fit on a single chain. Plus, if all of you were to put your names on necklaces for me to wear, the chain is going to get tangled,” you say.

While you don’t mind wearing necklaces with their names on them, you kind of wish you never mentioned it to your precious twenty-five boyfriends. Because now there’s a huge chance these men are going to make it happen without your knowledge and have you wear it when you go out, which you don’t mind, but switching out necklaces feels like a chore.

“How else do you expect others to know you’re in a relationship with all of us?” Venti asks, gazing at you curiously. 

You scratch your cheek. “I think it’s obvious for outsiders to see I’m dating all of you,” you say, gesturing toward the twenty-five of them. “I’m not sure if you all realize it, but you’re all clingy and are not afraid to profess your love for me,” you giggle.

Xiao huffs and crosses his arms over his chest. “Well, if it’s obvious, then why do people continue to approach you and ask you to date their sons, siblings, grandsons, and cousins?” Xiao demands, frowning at you.

You purse your lips and turn away. You sort of thought it was obvious why other people wanted you to be with someone they knew. The people that approach you assume your relationship with the twenty-five men is temporary until you’re able to live on your own in Teyvat. Then again, whenever these people approach you, they would whisper it to you before talking at a normal volume.

You smile at Xiao and stroke his hair. Xiao blushes and looks away nervously, reaching for the hand that’s stroking his hair and lacing his finger with yours. Xiao is so cute! Xiao tugs you forward from Childe’s arms and wraps his arms around your waist, allowing you to rest your head on his shoulders.

You sigh and close your eyes. “I’ll explain it to you all once we get back to the abode. Do you guys want to continue to hang out in Sumeru, or do you just want to go home?” You ask, tracing the tattoos on Xiao’s biceps.

“I kind of want to explore the desert to search for scarabs, but after what happened today, I want us all to return to the abode and avoid old people,” Itto huffs dramatically and sticks his nose in the air.

You nod. “Back to the abode, it is!” You say, clapping your hands.

Having people randomly approach you and ask if you’re in a relationship is something you never expect. Mainly because people in your world never approach you and ask you that question, ever. The first time it happened was a surprise, but the more it happened, the more you grew tired of it, and so did the men.

You and your twenty-five boyfriends are sitting at a restaurant in Mondstadt, celebrating your eight-month anniversary! Yes, it has been eight months since you and the twenty-five men have been dating! Time went by faster than you expected. Here you are, dressed up and looking cute for the occasion, while the men are looking dapper in their custom-tailored suits.

Diluc leans close to you and whispers, “You look beautiful tonight, sweetheart.”

You blush and smile at Diluc shyly. “Thank you, honey! You’re looking handsome yourself!” you reply.

Diluc reaches for your hand under the table and gives your hand a gentle squeeze. You squeeze Diluc’s hand in return and press a quick kiss on his cheek. Diluc smiles and nuzzles the tip of his nose against your cheek. You cover your small laugh with your hand and lean against the redhead. 

The sweet moment between you and Diluc was interrupted when someone tapped your shoulder. You and Diluc turn to look in the direction of the person that tapped you on your shoulder, assuming it was Zhongli that needed to speak to you about something. But when you and Diluc turn to the right, there is a blond man standing behind your chair, looking anxious. 

You and Diluc sit properly in your seats, acting as if you two didn’t act like a high school couple just a few seconds ago. You grab the menu and point at the dish you want to order, assuming the anxious blond man is a waiter at the restaurant.

“May I have the—”

The man’s eyes widen. “Oh! No, I’m not a waiter here!” The blond man says, waving his hands in front of him and shaking his head with a nervous smile.

You blink at him and close the menu, putting it back on the table. “Oh, well,” you trail off, looking at the men quizzically. “Is there anything I can help you with?” You ask, placing your hands on your lap and giving him a polite smile.

“I noticed you from afar and couldn’t help but feel this… Connection between us!” The blond man says dramatically.

Zhongli raises his eyebrows at the blond man skeptically. “You feel a connection between you and [Y/N]?” Zhongli asks, sipping his drink without taking his eyes away from the man behind you. 

The man looks at you in awe, and a smile appears on his face for a brief moment. “[Y/N]? That’s your name?” The man asks breathlessly.

You nod in response. “That’s correct!” You answer lamely.

He gulps and tugs at his shirt collar, his pale face turning redder the more time ticks by. The conversation around you slowly dies down as the men start to direct their attention to the man behind you. Diluc did not look pleased, knowing what the man was up to.

The man exhales slowly, his cheeks almost as red as Itto’s horns. “I was wondering if perhaps after your meal with your coworkers, you would be free?” The man asks.

“Coworkers?” Thoma chokes on his drink, coughing into his elbow.

You blink at the man before you and sigh, reaching for your drink and lifting it to your lips. “I’m not free after dinner. I’m celebrating my and these men’s eight-month anniversary,” you reply nonchalantly.

“Of being coworkers?” The blond man asks dumbly.

Dainsleif snorts from across the table, covering his mouth with his hand. “You haven’t even introduced yourself to [Y/N]. What makes you think we’ll allow you to leave the restaurant with them?” Dainsleif asks, narrowing his eyes at the anxious Mondstadt man.

The blond man’s eyes widen, and he clears his throat. “I apologize for not introducing myself earlier, [Y/N]! My name’s Lukas Schmidt, a native to Mondstadt and an owner of a local brewery!” Lukas says, holding his hand out for you to shake.

“Oh? A brewery, you say?” Kaeya interjects, resting his elbow on the table with curiosity.

Lukas nods. “That is correct! I own a local brewery, and business has been quite busy that I wasn’t able to go out and meet someone,” Lukas sighs dramatically.

Ayato makes a face. “Interesting. Now, do tell us about this connection you supposedly feel between you and our precious [Y/N],” Ayato says, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You lean back in your seat and let yourself drown out Lukas’ explanation to the twenty-five men sitting around you. Lukas assuming you and the men to be coworkers, is something you did not expect to hear. 

Quite frankly, you’re surprised that Lukas didn’t know about your large dating circle with these handsome men. Then again, Lukas did claim that his brewery business has been busy, so maybe that could be the reason? Either way, you’re wondering how you and your boyfriends even look like coworkers when you and Diluc were very cuddly just a few minutes before Lukas approached the table. 

“I don’t know how to explain it! I feel drawn to [Y/N]. It’s like there’s a string attached to the both of us, pulling me toward their direction!” Lukas says, his cheeks turning bright red as he attempts to explain this so-called connection between you and him.

Albedo turns to look at you, propping his chin on the palm of his hand. “What about you, my comet? Do you feel any connection with this man?” Albedo asks, looking at the brewery owner from the corner of his eyes.

“The only connection I’m feeling right now is between me and this mushroom pizza!” You said, reaching toward the pizza tray.

A smirk appears on Kaveh’s face as he flicks his hair off his shoulders. “You were saying?” Kaveh asks sassily.

Lukas sputters while you take a bite out from the slice of pizza, swaying in your seat as you happily chew the cheesy mushroom pizza. Al Haitham looks at Lukas with a small glare, leaning back in his seat with his arms over his chest.

“Since [Y/N] has indirectly confirmed that they do not feel any connection toward you, it's best you leave all of us alone,” Al Haitham says, closing his eyes.

A small gasp can be heard coming from Lukas. He turns to look at you, placing his hand on your bicep and giving you a pleading look. Zhongli and Diluc reach for Lukas’ arm, gripping it so tightly that they could snap his arm in half if they were to apply any more pressure.

Lukas whispers, “Please, [Y/N]. Perhaps if I explain it to you a little more clearly, you’ll understand what I’m saying!” 

You scratch your head awkwardly while holding the slice of pizza in your left hand. “Lukas, even if you explain what this connection feels like, I won’t be able to feel it. Besides, I’m in a relationship,” you say, taking another bite of your pizza.

Lukas was about to respond when Cyno stood up suddenly, walking over to Lukas. Lukas gives Cyno a weary look, slowly backing up from your seat. Tighnari sighed and rubbed his temples, unsure whether he should stop Cyno from intimidating Lukas for letting Cyno continue out of pure entertainment and as a lesson for Lukas to learn. Tighnari decides not to interfere this time, watching the scene unfold.

Cyno stands behind your seat, his arms crossed over his chest. “It’s evident that [Y/N] is not interested in you, Lukas. No matter how much you try to convince them that you two are a perfect match, they’re in a relationship with all of us,” Cyno gestures to the twenty-four men sitting at the table.

“They’re dating twenty-five of you?! How is that even possible? How does the relationship even work?” Lukas exclaims, looking at everyone in disbelief.

You shrug your shoulders and reach for your drink. “I’m dating all of them, but to them, I’m dating them individually, you understand? They’re not dating each other, either. They’re only dating me,” you explain, sipping your drink.

Lukas laughs in disbelief, running his hands through his blond tresses. “So, what you are is Teyvat’s biggest whore, is what I’m hearing,” Lukas sneers.

“Okay, that’s enough!” Tighnari says, slamming his hands on the table and standing up.

Scaramouche, Kazuha, and Baizhu escort Lukas out of the restaurant before Lukas can cause any more scenes. You sit there, contemplating what Lukas had called you just a few seconds ago. You poke the inside of your cheek, letting out a soft “huh.”

“All because I’m in a relationship and all because a man like him can’t handle rejection,” you comment, putting the cup on the table.

Pierro sighs and shakes his head. “Please do not take offense to his words. He is a weak-minded man who gets his feelings hurt easily,” Pierro spats, glaring at the restaurant door.

If you weren’t interested in Lukas Schmidt in the first place, his calling you a whore was a cherry on top. You wanted to burst out laughing in his face. You weren’t sure if he called you that because you were dating these men or because you rejected him. 

Either way, you weren’t surprised that Lukas went from being infatuated with you to calling you Teyvat’s biggest whore. How typical for a man of his caliber. It’s laughable and pathetic. Kazuha, Scaramouche, and Baizhu soon return to the restaurant, looking visibly irritated. Scaramouche wipes the blood in the corner of his mouth and plops down in his seat.

Scaramouche clears his throat. “I made sure that he won’t be bothering us ever again,” Scaramouche states, tapping his fingers on the table.

“Oh? How so?” You ask, looking at Scaramouche curiously.

Kazuha clears his throat. “We can’t tell you what happened, or else it’ll ruin the element of surprise,” Kazuha says, shooting you a smile.

“You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?” Baizhu asks.

You shake your head. “I’m pretty sure I should be the one to ask you three that question,” you said, eyes landing on the faint blood stains on their ironed tuxedos.

Pantalone leans back in his seat with a glass cup of wine in his hands. “They look fine to me! I’m pretty sure the blood stains on their clothes don’t belong to any of them,” Pantalone chuckles, sipping the red wine.

You and the men continue the anniversary date as usual. This time, instead of you sitting between Zhongli and Diluc, you switch seats with each man so you can sit beside every man without making them move. Though the seat changes happen every time you finish eating something, whether it’s a slice of pizza, a sweet madame, 

You didn’t mind changing seats every now and then. As long as you get to eat something, you’re not complaining. The anniversary dinner has come to an end, and you were on the brink of passing out.

“Someone ate a little bit too much,” Dottore snickers, watching Capitano scoop you in his arms and carry you bridal style out of the restaurant.

You snuggle up against Capitano’s chest. “Can you blame me?” You mumble, closing your eyes before covering your mouth with your hand and yawning. “At least I’ll get a good night's sleep when we get back to the abode,” you say.

“You didn’t eat too much, did you? Do you remember the last time you did that?” Capitano asks, not taking his eyes off what’s in front of him while carrying you in his arms.

You shake your head. “I didn’t overeat, I promise,” you reply.

The last time you ate too much food was at the Windblume festival. There were many festival-themed foods at the concession stands, and you wanted to try every food and snack the vendors offered. And what happened three hours later? Your stomach started hurting a lot, you could barely breathe, and finally, you threw it all back up for the next three hours. Since then, you have been a little bit cautious with the amount of food you ingest.

The second time someone approached you was more…. Interesting and things were offered to you. And by things being offered to you, you mean Mora. You’re at a party on the Pearl Galley with your beloved boyfriends. At first, when you and the men received the party invitation, you were a bit miffed when you saw where the party was located. The Pearl Galley is an interesting boat, and you’re not a massive fan of it. But for this party in particular, there were no prostitutes— much to your surprise, but you’re relieved.

Although despite the prostitutes not being on the boat for the party, you continue to feel uneasy about being on this particular boat. To be frank, you would rather be on the Crux than the Pearl Galley. Anyway, back to the party. It’s a black-tie party. Everyone is wearing the fanciest dresses and tuxedos they have, and everyone on the ship looks dazzling. Even with the fanciest clothing you have on, you continue to feel out of place.

“You can all roam around the boat if you’d like. I’m not forcing any of you to keep me company,” you say, sipping on the champagne.

Ayato shakes his head. “We know how you feel about this boat. We want to keep you company and make sure you’re okay,” Ayato replies.

“Besides, it's not like we’ll wander off and find a prostitute to sleep with while the party is going on,” Childe laughs.

You press your lips into a thin line and stare at Childe. Itto smacks Childe upside of his head with a glare. You take a deep breath and down the champagne. The men look at you worriedly. You’re not the type to drink any alcohol or liquor, but when you do drink it, it means something is bothering you, and you need to distract yourself.

You hold the empty champagne glass up. “Oh, my! Empty already? I’m going to get another drink,” you say, giving the men a fake smile before walking away.

The men watch you walk over to the snack and drinks table, keeping yourself distracted with food and drinks. 

Itto sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. “You really couldn’t keep your mouth shut on that one? Now [Y/N] is going to be overthinking and drink away their worries with champagne,” Itto says, gesturing over to where you’re standing.

“For once, Itto is correct. That comment was unnecessary, Harbinger. Even if it is a ‘joke.’ You know how they feel about the Pearl Galley,” Xiao huffs.

While the men are scolding Childe and trying not to draw attention to themselves, you’re currently taking small sips of your second champagne of the evening while snacking on cheese, ham, and crackers. It’s a simple snack at the event, but you need something to keep you occupied. Therefore you are crafting your mini snack sandwich while taking occasional sips of the champagne. You’re so occupied (thankfully) with the snacks you don’t notice an older gentleman approaching you at the snack table. The man clears his throat to grab your attention. You look up from your small plate of cracker sandwiches and blink at the man owlishly.

The older gentleman before you has salt-and-pepper hair and a beard, and he is wearing a black suit (like every other man on this ship). You couldn’t tell what region he came from for this event, but he looked too old for your taste. Wait a minute—

“Excuse me, are you perhaps [Y/N]?” Asks the older gentleman.

You nod robotically. “Yes, you’re speaking to [Y/N],” you say, taking a sip of your champagne without taking your eyes away from the man.

The man’s eyes light up. “Wonderful! May I ask you to do me a huge favor for not only myself but for my son and my family?” He asks, clasping his hands together in front of him. 

Back to where the men are all standing, Heizou notices you talking to a strange man at the snack table. You look shocked and flustered, tucking your hair behind your ears while trying to find a way to speak to the older gentleman in front of you. Heizou narrows his eyes and holds his hand up, grabbing the others' attention from scolding Childe.

“Who is that man, and why is he speaking to [Y/N]?” Heizou asks, pointing in your and the man’s direction.

Aether shrugs. “I have no idea who that man is, but he looks like an important figure,” Aether murmurs, stroking his chin while leaning against the railing of the ship.

“Should we step in?” Thoma asks nervously, watching you give the man a smile that didn’t reach your eyes.

You reply something to the man before grabbing the plate, beginning to make your way toward where the men are standing. The look of panic flashes across the man’s face for a brief moment before he runs to stand in front of you, blocking your way. You stop in your tracks and stare at the man with a deep frown, your shoulders tensed, and your grip tightened on the plate and champagne glass. Your reaction reminds Gorou of a hostile kitten, back arched, fur standing up, tail puffed out, claws ready to strike.

Scaramouche clenches his jaws. “Guess we’ll have to teach someone a lesson tonight,” Scaramouche grumbles, pulling up the sleeves of his buttoned-up shirt.

“Please, [Y/N]! My family and I need you to do us this huge favor! Without your help, we wouldn’t be able to achieve our goal!” The man says, his hands twitching, getting ready to grab your wrist to prevent you from walking away from him.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in your offer.” You stated firmly.

You begin to walk around the man, only for him to grab your biceps.

“Please! You can’t just pass up on the offer! What do you want from me? I can give you whatever you want!” The man sputters.

You look at the man and tug your arm from his grasp, but he tightens his grip, leaving finger indentation on your arms. You sigh and take a deep breath. Great. Now, what are you going to do with this man? He’s very desperate for your help, and you’re not sure what else to do. You have rejected his offer prior, but his desperation is sad.

You clear your throat. “What I need you to do for me is to leave me alone, sir. I declined your offer a few minutes ago. Nothing in the world can convince me to do you that favor,” you said.

With one final tug of your arm, the man lets go, and you turn to walk away, only to almost walk into someone’s chest. You step back and see Pierro and the other men standing there, glaring at the man behind you. None of the men looked too pleased with what they had just witnessed. 

Pierro crosses his arms over his chest. “May I ask what’s going on here?” Pierro asks gruffly.

The man huffs loudly. “It is none of any of your businesses!” The man retorts, rolling his eyes.

Dainsleif glares at the older man and gestures for you to walk to him. You walk over to Dainsleif without hesitation and stand behind him while holding onto his right arm, peeking from Dainsleif’s shoulders.

“It is certainly our business when the person we love is involved,” Dainsleif states, tightening his grip on your hand.

Kaeya smirks and steps forward. “You look like a knowledgeable man. How come it’s hard for you to accept no for an answer?” Kaeya asks, raising an eyebrow at the older man in front of him.

“What did you ask them that made them react in such a way?” Kazuha asks, standing beside you and wrapping his arm around your waist.

The man looks away, refusing to answer. He sticks his nose up in the air with a loud huff of breath, crossing his arms over his chest. The men rolled their eyes before turning to look at you worriedly. You shake your head and down your second glass of champagne of the night. You don’t know how many glasses of champagne you’re going to need to drink to forget about the man’s offer.

Diluc places a gentle hand on your shoulder. “I don’t think you should be drinking too much, sweetheart. Remember how you hate alcohol and how it tastes?” Diluc reminds you.

You poke the inside of your cheek with your tongue before answering, “I do hate the taste of alcohol, but after hearing the man’s offer, I’m going to need a couple of glasses to forget.” 

Zhongli stares at you quizzically, his eyebrows furrowing. “What did he offer to you?” Zhongli asks slowly, turning his head to the side to look at the man.

You look over at the man and gnaw on the inside of your cheek. The man stares at you, waiting for you to respond to Zhongli’s question. The way the man was looking at you is like he’s challenging you in a way. You don’t like it. It feels like he’s mocking you. You let out a slow deep breath, looking at your empty champagne glass.

“Why don’t you all keep me company at the snack table. I’m in need of another cup of champagne,” you say nonchalantly.

You walk toward the snack table, brushing past the older man after giving him a side-eye glance. The men give each other looks before following after you, making sure to bump shoulders with the man when they walk past him. Scaramouche smirks and not-so-subtlely zaps the man in his ribs, causing him to jolt and yowl in pain.

Cyno snickers and high-fives Scaramouche before tucking his hands in his slacks and walking to the table where you and the other men are standing. You shove two cracker sandwiches in your mouth and reach for a napkin and another glass of champagne. 

“Now, care to explain to us what happened between you and that old man over there?” Kaveh asks, looking over at the man from a distance.

Cyno reaches forward and wipes the crumb off the corner of your lips. “And don’t eat too fast. You’re going to choke,” Cyno mutters, shaking his head.

You swallow the cracker sandwich and wipe your lips with the napkin. “I would rather die from choking on the cracker sandwiches than take up on that old man’s offer,” you groused, sipping your third glass of champagne. 

“What did he say to you that is making you drink your third cup of champagne?” Al Haitham demands, towering over you while looking at you with concern.

You sigh loudly and place your plate and champagne on the table. “To be honest, I’m still trying to take time to process what he offered to me.” You reply, scratching your arm.

“What did he offer?” Tighnari asks wearily.

You purse your lips and debate on whether you should tell them what the man offered or if you should tell them to forget it and continue to enjoy the party on the… Pearl Galley. On second thought, perhaps you need another drink. You reach for your champagne, preparing to down your third champagne of the night, but Albedo quickly snatches it from your grasp with a head shake.

“I think you’ve had enough drinks for the night, starlight. Drinking too much isn’t good for you, and you know that,” Albedo chides. 

“Great, what am I going to drink now?” You mumble, sticking your bottom lip out.

Venti pats your shoulders and gives your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I’m sure you can drink water! We’re worried you’re going to drink too much and have a nasty hangover the next day,” says Venti.

“Now, spill it. What did that old man say to you?” Pantalone demands, narrowing his eyes while tapping his finger on his biceps.

You sigh and lean on the table. Here goes nothing. “The man begged me to marry his son so his son can live, and be a permanent citizen, in Inazuma because his son has been studying abroad there for almost a year, and he doesn’t want to return to his home country,” you reply. 

“Marry his son?” Baizhu asks, looking at you incredulously.

Dottore shakes his head. “No, you are not going to marry that man’s son just because he refuses to return to whatever region he’s from,” Dottore states, clenching his hands into tight fists.

“Plus, you’re not even a citizen of Inazuma. What gave him the impression that you’re an Inazuma resident?” Capitano asks.

You run your fingers through your hair with a shaky laugh. “I don’t know! I told him I was not going to do it! And then….” you trailed off, closing your eyes and rubbing your temples with your fingers.

You’re starting to get a headache. You’re not sure if it’s from being on the ship for too long, if it’s the champagne, or if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the things that had happened within a few hours of you being at the party. Either way, you want to leave the Pearl Galley, return to the abode, and sleep.

“And then….?” Gorou repeats, anxious about hearing what else you’re about to say.

You open your eyes and let your hands fall at your sides. “This man is so desperate for his son to live in Inazuma that he offered to pay me twenty million Mora. Twenty million Mora just to marry his son and for their entire family to be citizens of Inazuma,” you conclude, propping your hands on your hips.

“Twenty million Mora for that? Quite frankly, I have way more than that,” Pantalone mutters, puckering his lips, taking a cracker sandwich and eating it.

Diluc shakes his head. “No matter how much Mora that old man offers you, do not take it. It’s sketchy, you’re already in a relationship, and you’re not a resident of Inazuma,” Diluc says, clenching his jaws.

You give Diluc a weak smile. “Don’t worry about it, Diluc. I shot down his offer the minute he presented it to me,” you say. 

“But he’s been persistent about it,” Ayato mutters, looking over at where the man stands with a glare.

You nod in response. “Unfortunately. The old man has been very persistent, and I don’t know what else to do! I told him no, and he won’t accept no for an answer!” You say. “I need a drink,” you muttered.

“Did he even tell you his name? If he’s willing to offer you twenty million Mora to marry his son so he and his entire family could be residents of Inazuma, then he must be an important figure in Teyvat, no?” Aether asks, stroking his chin.

You shrug in response, take the champagne glass from Albedo, and chug it. You’re starting to feel buzzed, but you don’t think three glasses of champagne is strong enough to make you forget about the offer. That and the fact you’re on the Pearl Galley. A boat where many go to sleep around and gamble their life savings away. Or something like that. 

“Do you want us to find out who his son is? We can do that for you if you’d like! After all, it’s part of our job as a Harbinger,” Childe offers, propping his arm on your shoulder. 

You sigh and wave your hand around. “I don’t really care who he or his son is. I just want to go home and go to bed,” you say.

“Yelan is going to be disappointed. She invited us all to the party and looked forward to seeing us there. Especially you,” Xiao mutters, looking at the woman from a distance.

Your hands are itching for another champagne. Archons, you just want to go home. You’ve been here for a short time, and many things have gone to shit faster than you expect them to. You didn’t even get to speak to Yelan about the party, but it looks like you’re going to have to call it a night. Plus, the longer you stay at the party, the more you’ll be drinking, and you’re not usually the type to drink alcohol.

You shove a cracker sandwich into your mouth. “If you all want to stay at the party, you can stay. I’m not forcing any of you to go home with me,” you say with your mouth full. “Plus, if any of you stay, please tell Yelan I said hello and apologize for me because of how early I left,” you added.

“We’re not going to let you return to the abode alone while you’re almost as drunk as that old geezer over there,” Thoma says, gesturing toward another party guest, tripping over his feet.

You roll your eyes. “Oh, please. I only had three glasses,” you mutter.

You turned around and made your way toward the exit of the boat. You weren’t sure if its because the ship was on the water, but you were having a little bit of a hard time walking. You’re swaying on your feet and can barely walk in a straight line. Kazuha chuckles and wraps his arms around your waist, helping you step off the Pearl Galley.

Kazuha murmurs into your ears, “I believe three is your limit in alcohol,” Kazuha murmurs.

You rest your head on Kazuha’s shoulders and close your eyes. “Not gonna lie, I kind of regret drinking three glasses of champagne,” you whisper to Kazuha.

“That’s right, [Y/N]. You should regret it! Did you learn from your mistakes now?” You hear Tighnari ask from a distance.

Oh, right. You forgot that Tighnari and Gorou have a keen sense of hearing. How could you forget about that so easily? On to Tighnari’s question: did you learn from your mistake? Well, you chugging three glasses of champagne wasn’t a mistake. You knew what you were doing, and it was not a mistake. Therefore, not really, but did you regret drinking three glasses of champagnes? Yes, because now you can kind of walk in a straight line, but with Kazuha’s help.

You wave off Tighnari’s comment, saying, “All of you can scold me when we get back to the abode.”

Fast forwarding to the next day, you woke up with a headache. While you didn’t drink too much alcohol, you certainly drank more than what you usually consume. And that is three glasses too many. You bury your face into your pillow and pray that no one knows you have a hangover. They’re going to say, “I told you so,” and basically rub it in your face while scolding you simultaneously. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the door. You peek from under the pillow, hesitating on whether you should answer or you should continue to pretend that you’re still sleeping.

“We know you’re awake,” You hear Gorou say from behind the door.

You toss the pillow off your head and sit up. “How could you tell!?” You ask, staring at the closed door with shock.

The door opens, revealing Gorou, Itto, and Baizhu. Itto points at Gorou and toward the hallway.

“Gorou and Tighnari say you breathe a certain way when you’re asleep and when you’re awake. When everyone is asleep, their breaths are even and steady compared to when they’re awake,” Itto explains, walking toward your bed and plopping down beside you with a grin.

Baizhu hands you a pill and a glass cup of water. You give Baizhu a tight smile before taking the medication and glass cup from his hands. You pop the pill into your mouth and chug the water, wincing when you feel the pill get caught in your throat for a second before going down your throat when you chug as much water as you can.

Baizhu props his hands on his hips. “How are you feeling today? Do you have any pounding headaches, feel nauseous, or feel like you got hit by a mitachurl in any way?” Baizhu asks.

“I do have a headache, but it’s not as bad. I don’t feel nauseous, thankfully. Nor do I feel like I got hit by a mitachurl,” you reply, wiping your lips and putting the cup on your nightstand. 

A knock is heard on your door. You lean to the side and look at the door to see Heizou standing there with a smile. You returned the smile and waved for him to enter your room. Heizou runs his hands through his hair and waltz into your room.

Heizou clasps his hands in front of his chest. “I have news regarding the man who wouldn’t leave you alone last night,” Heizou says.

You look at Heizou with wide eyes, shocked and surprised to hear the men had identified the man from the party at the Pearl Galley the night before. Actually, you didn’t expect them to track down information about the older gentleman. I mean…. Knowing Childe and the other Harbingers, they would definitely hunt the older man down for what had happened the night before. That, and because of the twenty million Mora being offered to you just to marry his son.

“I have a feeling everyone is going to need to know about this, so I’ll get up from my bed now,” you mutter. “Oh, but let me brush my teeth first,” you say.

You quickly brushed your teeth, combed your hair, and used the toilet. Thankfully, you can feel the medicine Baizhu gave you start to kick in. You walk out of the bathroom, and Itto offers to carry you downstairs. Since you did have a hangover, you might as well let Itto carry you down the stairs to where everyone is waiting for you. Itto squats in front of you, his back facing your direction. You hop on Itto’s back and wrap your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck.

Itto, Gorou, Baizhu, and Heizou walk out of your room with you in tow. You bury your face into Itto’s back when you feel a faint pounding in your head. While the pain medication Baizhu gave you did help ease your headache, you can still kind of feel it. It’s there, but not as present as it was when you woke up today.

You hear Venti chirping, “Ah! There they are! And they have [Y/N] with them as well!” 

You wince and continue to press your face against Itto’s back, tightening your arms around his neck. Itto gives your arm a reassuring squeeze.

Zhongli sighs. “And I see they have a hangover. Luckily, I brewed some tea for you to drink while we discuss this matter,” Zhongli says.

Itto lowers you to the ground, helping you sit on the seat between Dottore and Cyno. Zhongli slides the teacup over to you. You give Zhongli a grateful smile, take the teacup and begin sipping from the ceramic cup. The tea is still warm. It’s very herbally with a hint of ginger. You’re not an avid tea drinker, but you needed to drink some tea for your hangover.

You clear your throat, wiping the small droplets of tea from the rim of the cup. “Heizou informed me that you guys have some information on this man?” You murmur.

“That we do,” Pierro nods.

Everyone goes silent after Pierro replies, making you suspicious of what they are going to say next. They all traded looks with each other as if they were debating on who would be telling you the news and who was not going to be the one to do it. It’s almost like a silent argument between twenty-five people, and you’re just watching them make weird facial expressions at each other while mouthing something.

Dottore lets out a long exhale, rolling his eyes. “Fine! I’ll do it!” Dottore says, turning in your direction before giving you a sweet smile. “[Y/N], darling, the man who has been bothering you is Boris Ivanov. He is from Snezhnaya. While his record is clean in Snezhnaya, his son, not so much,” Dottore explains.

“What’s his son’s name?” You ask anxiously.

Capitano props his leg on the ottoman in front of him. “His son’s name is Aleksei Ivanov. A few months ago, he borrowed millions of Mora from the Northland Bank in Liyue but failed to pay back the bank. He is currently on the run and is trying to seek refuge in a closed-off region. Hence why he wanted to marry you, even though you’re not a citizen of Inazuma,” Capitano says.

You did a double-take. “Hold on, you guys said that this Aleksei man borrowed millions of Mora from the Northland bank and failed to repay the Fatui. How come his father offered to pay me twenty million Mora to marry his son?” You cocked an eyebrow at the men. “I don’t know about you, but something is not adding up!” 

“Aleksei’s father refused to give his son money after getting in trouble with the law many times. While Boris can help Aleksei pay off the debt he has with the Fatui, Aleksei does not want to put that burden on his father,” Scaramouche replies, rolling his eyes.

You pursed your lips. “And yet Aleksei wants to put that burden on me? A complete stranger who is also dating a few of the members of the Fatui?” You raise your eyebrows. “It’s going to put a target on my forehead, too, you know?” You ask, poking the center of your forehead.

Kaeya chuckles and ruffles your hair. “Relax, you’re not going to get harmed,” Kaeya says, giving you a suave smile.

You stare at Kaeya blankly and turn to look at the others. “What is Kaeya implying, and why do I have a bad feeling about this?” You ask, pointing at the tanned man behind you.

“On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate your acting skills?” Al Haitham asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

Oh no, they’re up to something, and you know they won’t tell you what they’re up to until you answer their pressing questions. You pinch the bridge of your nose and down the tea that Zhongli had brewed for you. You put the ceramic teacup on the table, wishing the tea was champagne. Just when you thought you were going to finally have a break from the things that have been going on for the last few days (maybe even weeks, you lost your sense of time since the first incident).

“I don’t know? A five, maybe? What are you buffoons up to?” You ask, sitting back in your seat with your arms over your chest, poking the inside of your cheek with your tongue. 

“Baby, we love you, and we care about you a lot. Can you do us a huge favor?” Kaveh asks, batting his eyelashes at you.

Your eyes widen. “Baby? Oh, this must be a big deal because you’re not calling me an abyss mage this time!” You said, reaching forward and pinching Kaveh’s cheek.

Dainsleif interjects, “Technically, you’re doing a favor for the Harbingers. I’m against you doing this because it’s dangerous.”

You give the men a weary look. “What do you have in mind?”

The men give you a fake smile while the Harbingers start explaining to you what you’re tasked to do. This is your first undercover mission for the Fatui, and it’s weird and nerve-wracking. Dottore and Pantalone jokingly called you an honorary member of the Fatui, earning a heated glare from Diluc and him immediately shooting down the title. And now here you are, sitting in Komore Teahouse, waiting for Aleksei to show up to the teahouse a few days after the men devised a plan on how to capture Aleksei.

You let out a shaky sigh and start to mess with the small decorations in the teahouse. “I’m not going to be alone with Aleksei, am I? I don’t feel comfortable with being alone with him,” you confess.

Albedo squeezes your hand. “We’re not going to leave you alone in the teahouse with Aleksei. All of us will be in the teahouse but hidden from plain sight,” Albedo explains.

“You have nothing to worry about. All you need to do is talk to Aleksei and get to know him. You don’t have to do anything else after. One of the Harbingers will jump in and take it from there,” Tighnari reassures you, squeezing your shoulders. 

Cyno crosses his arms over his chest and analyzes the teahouse with disinterest. “Are you sure this is going to work? Aleksei has been on the run for who knows how long. Do you think he’s stupid enough to fall for it?” Cyno asks.

You shrug. “One way to find out is to wait and see,” you reply.

Everyone ends up leaving the main room you’re sitting in. Because Thoma is familiar with Komore Teahouse, he volunteered to play as the host of the teahouse. About fifteen minutes later, Aleksei finally shows up at the teahouse. You expected Aleksei to be on edge and constantly looking over his shoulders to see if there were any looming Harbingers in the shadows. Still, he looked relaxed and did not seem to be tensed at all. 

Aleksei sits across from you, his back facing the entrance, while sipping on his tea happily and eating the onigiri with eagerness. The way he ate the onigiri made you assume he didn’t eat anything on the way to the teahouse.

“Your father begged for me to marry you so you and your family can be citizens of Inazuma,” you said nonchalantly, tracing your fingers over the rim of the cup.

Aleksei rolls his eyes and swallows the onigiri in his mouth, wiping his mouth on the napkin. “How much did he offer you?” Aleksei asks, tapping his fingers on the table.

“What did he not offer me? I was taken aback when he almost got on his knees for me to marry you,” you reply, resting your head on your hand. “He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

Aleksei shrugs his shoulders. “Well, what do you think? Are you going to help me and my family, or what? I… did something stupid, and now I can’t do anything to get rid of my problem.”

You raise your eyebrows. “I don’t know, Aleksei. I had many suitors in the past, and many people begged me to date or marry their son, cousin, grandson, and nephews. I’m a picky person when it comes to finding a significant other. What makes you so special out of all the candidates?” You ask, tapping your fingers on the table.

Aleksei smirks and leans forward, mimicking you by resting his head on the palm of his hands and tilting his head to the side. You look at Aleksei skeptically, waiting for him to answer your question. You don’t like how he’s looking at you, nor do you like how close he is to you. The distance between you and Aleksei seems to have gotten smaller.

Aleksei reaches across the table and places his hand over yours. “Other than my father offering you Mora, I have a few things in mind to convince you,” Aleksei winks at you, lacing his fingers with yours.

You suddenly have the urge to puke. You swallow the bile that slowly made its way up your throat and give Aleksei a fake smile. Aleksei reaches toward you and brushes your hair away from your face, tucking a stray hair behind your ears.

You look away from Aleksei and let out a sigh. “And what do you have in mind exactly, Aleksei?” You whisper.

Aleksei gets up from his seat and walks around the table, sitting beside you. You look at Aleksei with wide eyes as he closes his eyes and slowly leans forward. Right when Aleksei is about to press his lips against yours, a hand suddenly reaches out from behind the curtain and rips Aleksei away from you. You nearly let out a loud sigh of relief when Childe seizes the blond Snezhnayan man.

“Sorry to interrupt your little date, but I don’t appreciate seeing another man having the gall to kiss the love of my life,” Childe says, squeezing Aleksei’s shoulders tightly.

“Love of your life?!” Aleksei sputters, gazing at Childe in disbelief before looking at you with wide eyes. “You’re in a relationship!?” Aleksei shrieks.

You puckered your lips and looked away from Aleksei, twirling your hair around your index finger while pretending you didn’t see a thing. “Oh please, he’s one of my many other suitors. Did you forget about that already, Aleksei?” You ask, scratching the back of your neck.

“You—”

Childe rolls his eyes and signals for the other Harbingers to enter the room. Aleksei’s face turns pale with fear and realization. He begins to thrash around in Childe’s grasp, only for Childe to tighten his grip around Aleksei’s wrists.

“Aleksei, it’s been a while. Care to chat with the five of us?” Pantalone asks, raising his eyebrows at the blond man before him.

Childe drags Aleksei out of the room, the other four Harbingers circling around Aleksei to make sure he doesn’t escape. You sigh and rest your head on the table. You look over at the menu, contemplating whether you should order alcohol or not. Wait, do they offer alcohol at a teahouse?

“That went on longer than I thought,” Aether says, walking into the room with his hands in his pockets.

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, no kidding. Aleksei almost kissed me! He has fish breath, too,” you shuddered. “What took you guys so long to intervene!? I was suffering and nearly broke character so many times!” You throw your hands in the air.

“I’m impressed you were to stay in character for this long. You looked like you wanted to throw a teapot at his head,” Cyno commented, the corners of his lips quirking up.

“I did. Being alone with Aleksei for some time is torturous.” You mutter, getting up from your seat and stretching your arms. “What would’ve pulled this performance together would be if you all stepped into this room one by one, professing your love for me, but that would be suspicious and weird..”

“We could, but we wouldn’t do that,” Ayato says, giving you a teasing smile.

You pout and look away. “I know, can’t someone like me dream?” You grumble.

Scaramouche leans in, placing his hand behind his ear. “What was that? We didn’t hear you,” he smirks.

You roll your eyes. “I said I need a drink!” You huff, making your way toward the exit. “I need to forget Aleksei and his fish breath,” you said.

Albedo wraps his arms around your shoulders. “Did you happen to forget that you made a promise with us that you wouldn’t drink anymore?” Albedo asks.

You rest your head on Albedo’s shoulder and close your eyes. “Unfortunately, I do. I also made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t be drinking as well,” you mumbled.

You and the men return to the abode, making sure the citizens who would usually approach you in the city wouldn’t see you leave the teahouse. You’re not prepared for another proposal or matchmaking from anyone. But if anyone does dare to propose to you or beg you to marry their son, nephew, cousin, brother, etc., you will start asking the men when they will pop that question. How else will other people in Teyvat know that you and the men are committed to each other? You don’t need any other suitors at the moment. You already have twenty-five suitors and are unsure when you’ll expand your dating circle.

Note: Not gonna lie, I kind of want to make a taglist just for the new smut series, but I'm not sure if I should do it or not 🤔 Not sure how I feel about this fic overall since I typed it out while having to deal with turning in multiple assignments in one week before my spring break 🥲 Hope it's at least decent. I just know the ending is meh, but anyway, I will be keeping the poll open for Burning Desire until further notice. I'll let you all know when the polls are closed! Anyway, to my new and/or returning readers, please keep in mind that I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

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[etherealising]

chapter twelve | a slow burn for me

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ |

pairing(s): carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: a peek into the beginning of an awkwardly domestic night between you and carmy.

warning(s): honestly none for this chapter, what a surprise.

wc: 6.4k (of filler someone get this girl an editor)

It was late. If the lack of light streaming through your office windows wasn’t enough of an indicator of the hour, the time on the small analog clock gifted to you by Nat and Pete was enough to force you to call it quits for the night. You did a quick check of the document staring back at you on your computer to make sure not only was it saved to the software you’d chosen to use, but also to the backup hard drive you’d learned to use over time.

The building was quiet as you tidied up your desk and powered down your appliances, your coworkers having cleared out hours ago. You could feel the exhaustion seeping into your bones, working overtime wasn’t on your agenda this morning but considering the two personal days you took after your emotionally demanding conversation with Carmy, it was no surprise the extra time was needed to catch up on all the work you missed out on. The hour wasn’t horrendous per se but watching the clock on your desk tick past 9:30 was all the excuse you needed to begin your journey home.

Your decision to return to the Tribune wasn’t as hard as you expected it to be. You were finally getting your life back on track, you were in a city you loved surrounded by the people you loved and cared about. If you needed to spend the next year avoiding and appearing indifferent to your boss, so be it you would figure things out as the days passed by. And maybe it wasn’t your most logical decision but you were sure within a year or two you might find another position, for now, though you just wanted to go home.

An exhausted sigh escaped into the dimly lit office as you began to gather your belongings of the day, eyes catching onto the pristine manila envelope that you remembered plucking out of your mailbox before driving to work. Ignoring the envelope you shrugged on your jacket before bending to grab your bag from one of your desk drawers quickly slipping your laptop and the unassuming envelope inside before double checking everything was exactly how you always left it.

The elevator ride to the ground floor was surprisingly relaxing considering how annoying the music playing through the speakers was. Exiting the metal box as it stopped you gave a cordial goodbye to the night guard on duty before exiting the building and speed walking to your car before the cool air could assault you any longer.

You were quick to start the car, allowing it to warm up as you turned on the heater and placed your hand in front of the air vents. The artificial warmth wafted through your car as you carefully plucked your phone out of your bag casually eyeing the envelope that you’d rather deliver sooner than later. A few minutes ticked by as you thought about the best course of action, scrolling through your contacts you quickly found Nat’s and pressed the call button hoping she’d be able to help you.

The phone didn’t ring for long before you heard Nat’s voice ring through. Your hopes that she wouldn’t answer didn’t have a foot to stand on knowing she always made time to answer your calls whether she was busy or not.

“Nat, hey I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” You could hear Pete’s voice in the background as Natalie sounded like she was maneuvering around.

“Baby, no you’re fine. Is everything okay? It's pretty late.” A small smile graced your lips at the slightly worrying tone in Nat’s voice.

“Yeah I’m fine, I uh...I was just hoping I could stop by real quick. I got the revised trademark paperwork in the mail today and was hoping to drop it off.”

The line was quiet for a moment as you awaited the woman’s response, part of you was sure the call had dropped but you could still hear her little noises through the phone.

“Nat? You still there?”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to drop it off with Carmen? He doesn’t live too far from where you are now.” You frowned knowing you hadn’t mentioned where you were during the conversation.

“I never said where I was Nat.”

“Oh, I know my love Pete checked your location.” Of course, you were on speaker, not that it annoyed you, whatever you divulged in this conversation with Natalie she’d be sure to gossip about it with Pete regardless if he could hear the conversation or not.

“Isn’t that like an abuse of trust? I shared my location for emergencies Nat.”

“Isn’t this an emergency? You’ve been avoiding Carmy since the night of my baby shower and as much as I love my brother Baby, I am sick of his moping.” You bit your lip suddenly realizing the truth behind Nat’s words, it hadn’t been your intention to avoid him but then you remembered the unanswered texts and the missed calls you had plenty of time to return but for some reason chose not to.

“Is he even home, feels a bit early doesn't it?”

“I’m sending you his address Baby. And I love you, but I am tired of this cycle between the two of you and trust me I know Carmy has his faults, I know the part he’s played in this relationship between you two. But aren’t you now doing exactly what you’ve been crucifying him for?” You could feel the indignation rising in your chest, the need to defend yourself coming in hot.

“I’m not excusing his actions Baby, but the two of you are adults and the fact that Carmy’s pulled his head out of his ass and is finally trying is a big step in whatever the hell is going on between you two.”

The sting of tears behind your eyes was the last thing you wanted to deal with right now. You hated when Natalie was right but you appreciated her perspective and the way she appeared unbiased. You took a deep breath trying to keep the tears at bay not wanting to cry once you began driving.

“I’m scared Nat.” It was quiet as she let you gather your thoughts. “Things have just been fucked up between us for so long that I’m not sure how to navigate a healthy relationship with him. And I…god I kind of hoped him finding out about everything would make him hate me and want nothing to do with me. But then he just accepted it and forgave me and now he’s checking in on me daily and sending me little anecdotes about his day and I’ve just been ignoring him hoping he’d finally just give up because Nat I just…I don’t know everything just feels too good to be true you know?”

You took a minute to even your breathing surprised by what you just admitted to Natalie, unaware that what you’d been feeling over the past few days could be put into words. You reached over to turn off your car, sure you wouldn’t be leaving this spot anytime soon, before laying your head against the headrest and allowing your eyes to flutter closed.

“Baby, you’re never going to be healthy if you continue self-sabotaging.” Nat gave you a minute before continuing. “I appreciate your candor but I don’t think I’m the person who needs to hear these things. Given Carm a chance, I know he’s a bit inexperienced in the relationship department but you both deserve a shot at whatever this dumpster fire of a relationship is.”

You let out a quiet laugh thanking Nat for her oh so kind words of wisdom. You checked the time on your phone as Natalie hung up, time wouldn’t stop just because you wanted it to. Your eyes were drawn to the incoming message from Natalie, a pin with Carmy’s address followed by a quick good luck text. You gave a tired smile at the combination of emojis before clicking on the pin and watching it load in the maps app, an easy 15-minute drive to his apartment complex.

Throwing the phone into the seat next to you, you quickly started the car forcing yourself to begin the journey before you had any more time to talk yourself out of showing up on Carmen’s doorstep unannounced.

This whole situation felt like deja vu. Here you were at Carmy’s doorstep uninvited once again, trying to work up the courage to just even knock on his door. A part of you hoped he wasn’t home to spare yourself from the apology you knew he deserved, but you also just wanted to clear things up between the two of you, finally get things out in the open, and hope the two of you could move forward in whatever way you both agreed upon.

You took one last deep breath before raising your hand to finally knock, cringing a bit at how hard the knocks must have come across. You waited a few seconds with no answer deciding to knock again, you were already here so all you could do was try.

Another series of knocks went unanswered, you couldn’t help the huff of laughter that escaped out of you at the parallels between this moment and your visit to Carmy’s New York apartment a year ago. You checked the time on your watch, deciding to call it a night and send Carmy a text when you returned home, hoping the two of you would be able to connect at a more decent time. Spinning around to return to your car you jumped on the spot, your hand moving to clutch the spot over your heart as it raced.

“Fuck Carmen! Why are you sneaking around?” You did your best to calm your breathing, surprised to find Carmy’s figure in front of you along with the fact that you hadn’t even heard his approach in the first place.

“I uh…I wasn’t.” He looked surprised to see you outside his door, slight confusion drifting through him as he tried to recall ever giving you his address.

The tension in the hallway leading to Carmy’s apartment was palpable, neither of you saying a word in hopes that the other would begin the conversation. An awkward smile curled your lips as Carmy’s eyes darted everywhere but your eyes. If anyone walked in on this scene of the two of you they’d be confused if you told them you’d known the man in front of you your whole life.

“I have-,”

“Would yo-,”

Awkward laughs left the both of you, your hand gesturing for Carmy to go first. He cleared his throat adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder, one hand digging into his pocket as he pulled out what could only be his keys.

“Would you uh, like to come in?” Carmy jingled the keys slightly to clarify as if his question wasn’t obvious enough.

You nodded, sending him a genuine smile, “Yes please if that’s okay with you.”

Carmy nodded clearing his throat as he shuffled past you, fingertips slightly grazing your waist in a move you both knew to be unnecessary but neither of you cared to comment on. You waited as he unlocked the door cautiously following behind him as he held the door open for you. A small nod of thanks was sent his way as you walked past eyes surveying what you could see of his apartment thus far.

Although the layout was different from his lodgings in New York, you got the same feeling you had when you entered that apartment a year ago. There was minuscule decoration hardly any to be exact but his presence could be felt as soon as you walked through the door a warmth that was incandescently Carmy radiated around you.

You felt heat at the small of your back as Carmy rounded on you walking past the board in the middle of his living room as he made his way towards the kitchen.

“Are you hungry? Have you eaten yet?” You watched as he rummaged through his fridge in search of something as you continued to look around his abode.

“Actually I-,” Carmy cut you off with a quiet curse under his breath, his figure quickly moving towards you before stopping in front of you. Confusion washed over your features as he carefully removed your purse out of your hands gently setting it on his coffee table and returning to you. You watched as he reached for your arm, hands tugging the sleeve of your jacket off before walking around you and removing it fully, the domesticity of the moment sent a shiver up your spine.

“I uh..I’m out of groceries but I’ll run and go get us some take out yeah?” He still wasn’t looking at you as he spoke whatever was going on in his mind keeping him occupied.

“Carmen I-,” You stopped upon seeing his sporadic unfocused gaze.

“Stay please?” Carmy’s eyes finally met yours after the constant minutes without doing so. The soft glint of hope you found there went straight to your chest as you gave a forced smile nodding your head in acquiesce.

The corner of Carmy’s lips ticked up, eyes quickly darting across your face before moving towards the door removing his wallet from his bag and stopping by the door, you slowly followed behind so you could lock up for him.

“Anything in particular?” He asked, shoving his hands into his pocket as he turned to look at you.

You shook your head, nothing coming to your mind as you stared at him, “Surprise me?”

He stood there for a moment before rapidly nodding his head, turning to leave, stopping in the now open doorway, “Call me if you want anything specific, yeah?”

A genuine smile was sent his way at just how considerate he was, you moved to close the door, immediately stopping as his hands reached out surprising you as they found purchase on your waist. There was no time for you to question his motives as he quickly leaned in, chapped lips softly ghosting across your cheek before he quickly pulled away.

“I’ll be home soon, lock up okay?”

You stood there dumbfounded unsure of what to say or do or if you should say anything for that matter. The further Carmy got from the door the longer you stood there trying to wrap your head around how that man's mind worked. And even after he’d been gone awhile you tried to rationalize that the feel of his lips caressing your cheek meant nothing.

Carmy sat at the small table waiting for the order as he stared down at his phone. On the outside, he appeared calm like someone just stopping for a late-night bite to eat, and while the latter part was true the idea that he was anywhere near calm couldn’t be further from the truth.

At every stop he made he was itching to pick up the phone and call you, to apologize for the random kiss, unsure himself what even drove him to do it. When he stopped off to buy you more comfortable clothes so you could change if you wanted to, he almost called you. And then as he drove across town to pick up the order he placed at your favorite restaurant from your younger years all he could think about was the impromptu kiss he’d left you with.

His hand reached up for the nth time, his thumb unconsciously grazed his lips. The longer he sat there waiting the stronger the urge to call you and apologize became. He didn’t know what the fuck was going on with him when it came to you he was double and triple texting you throughout the week, basically having a conversation with himself with all the messages you’d left unanswered. Checking his phone for what felt like every second of the day, hoping that at some point your contact would be there waiting for him.

Carmen was sure he was going overboard but he couldn’t help the incessant need he felt to surround himself in you. He couldn’t be 100% sure but he felt like the time you spent together after the baby shower, basking in and understanding each other's hurt helped the two of you to come to some new point in your relationship. And then you continued to let him in, you allowed yourself to be the most vulnerable he’d seen you since before your fallout. You allowed him into your life, allowed him to see the hardened parts of you.

Something changed that day…well almost everything changed that day for Carmy. But the morning after as the two of you sat in your backyard and then you asked him to help you tend to your garden he realized he wanted to spend his Sunday mornings like that always with you. With you guiding him, teaching him a trade he wasn’t aware he’d ever enjoy. But watching as the morning sun pierced through the gloomy clouds and illuminated you at such a peaceful moment, the only time he swore he’d seen you truly in peace since you’d arrived back in town.

He remembered watching you from a few feet away tugging at the overgrown weeds, your skin glowing even as the sun fought with the overcast clouds to be able to steal glances at you the way Carmy was allowed to while in your presence. The way your gloved hand would travel up to wipe the sweat off of your face, leaving behind a dusting of dirt and mud in its wake. Carmy could indulge in your beauty forever and not just the physical aspects of it but the beauty in your movement, in the way you spoke, the beauty in your personality, and the grace you gave others; especially him.

Carmy’s reverie was broken as his packaged order was placed in front of him, he sent the worker a quick smile thanking them for their service before gathering his food and exiting the establishment. Carmy usually didn’t have many reasons to feel excited about returning to his lodgings, but reminding himself that he was returning home to you was all the truth he needed to lead him back to you.

The sound of keys turning in the door alerted you to Carmy’s return, but you didn’t give it a second thought as you continued working on the rough draft you began writing in his absence. A spark of motivation hit you as you were left to your own devices in your childhood friend’s apartment.

“Baby?” You let out a small distracted hum as you continued working doing your best to build the foundations of an article you were already weeks behind on. “Baby!” Your head shot up at Carmy’s raised call of your name, eyebrows furrowed until you turned to find him still standing by the door, hands full. The worry you could see on his face melted away the longer he looked at the silver of your head barely visible over the couch from your position on the floor.

You quickly stood up making your way towards him, surprised at how full his hands were, your eyes quickly darting around before landing on the bouquet among the few bags. “You get lost on the way home?” Carmen’s cheeks took on a pink hue at your teasing.

His lack of verbal response caused you to falter, unsure if you had read the situation wrong when he asked you to stay. You watched as his eyes glanced over to his small living area, your laptop open on his coffee table with papers he knew weren’t his scattered around it. You prepared yourself to apologize for the mess knowing Carmy had his own system of organized chaos and that maybe having your own added chaos was unwelcome.

“These are for you,” your eyes snapped back to him as he held out the bouquet to you. “There uh nothing compared to Willie’s but I uh…I saw them on the way home and I,” Carmy cleared his throat looking around for any sense of confidence he could find. “I wanted to get them for you.”

You nodded along with his explanation, uncaring of how much the smile on your lips may have given away your feelings, “Thank you for thinking of me, Carm.” Your hand rested on his forearm as you carefully removed the bouquet from his hand, “Let’s get these in some water yeah?”

Carmy sent you a small shy smile placing his now free hand on your back and leading you to the kitchen portion of his apartment, “Is it okay if I use these as a vase?” Carmy looked in your direction after setting the remainder of the bags on unoccupied counter space, a slight chuckle leaving him as you held up the plastic containers he’d use at the restaurant for certain ingredients and often time to drink out of.

“Course’ Baby.” He watched you for a moment longer, the smile on your face easing whatever doubts he’d been feeling about the rocky status of your relationship, one last longing look sent your way as he began unpacking the food.

The smell of delicious food wafted through the air as you began cutting the stems of your bouquet and arranging them in the containers. You could see Carmy moving around in your peripheral, not paying him much attention as he moved around you, your head finally perking up at the sound of the washing machine starting eyes finding Carmy as he once again joined you in the kitchenette.

You finished arranging the flowers, moving to the sink to fill the makeshift vases with water before turning and looking for a spot for them. The containers were momentarily forgotten as your eyes landed on an all too familiar photo hanging on Carmy’s fridge. A small sad smile lined your lips, the five of you all together like one big happy family, your heart ached for the younger versions of each of you in the picture who wouldn’t realize until it was too late that life wouldn’t always be this way. Your eyes strayed to Mikey’s figure for one last time wishing you had just a bit more time with him.

Giving yourself a small moment to tame your emotions, you maneuvered to the only empty counter space still left. Carefully you placed the two containers in the bit of space, a warmth radiating through you at Carmy randomly buying you flowers, you were loathe to admit it but he was the first person to buy you flowers unprovoked, and the fact that this was his second time doing so was not lost on you.

You turned to Carmy to find him still removing food from the takeaway bag, surprised at the amount of boxes now littering his counter. “Do you need any help?” You leaned back against the stove watching as Carmy’s head shot up, almost as if he’d forgotten you were there.

He nodded, “Could you grab some forks, from the drawer to your left.” He turned back to his previous activity, leaving you to grab the utensils.

Locating the only drawer on your left you quickly grabbed the only two forks taking up space in the draw, a soft laugh escaped you, part of you hoping Carmy had more forks that just needed to be clean. You felt a little sad at the idea of him only having utensils for himself, you were curious how much time he even willingly spent in this apartment but it didn’t feel like something you could outright ask given the awkward tension between the two of you. Though for once it wasn’t Carmy’s fault, you caused the awkwardness this time.

Closing the drawer your eyes focused on the forks for a few moments longer, as if they could give you answers to the self-doubt you felt about fixing your relationship with Carm. Moving to join Carmy you caught a very familiar, very intimate photo tapped above the stove.

You did a double take unsure if your eyes were playing tricks on you, but upon staring head-on at the Polaroid, you were surely not mistaken. From the intimate image of you and Carmy in bed, your eyes so full of love looking at the still image almost made you sick, and of course at the bottom your phone number. A part of you felt angry, it didn’t seem like Carmy had just randomly placed the Polaroid above the stove one day, you couldn’t explain it but the placement felt deliberate and if it hung there for however long it did, then why was it so easy for him to give Claire your number instead of calling you himself when you were sure he saw your number almost every day.

Taking a deep breath you allowed yourself to feel hurt about the picture, you had every right to be. But you also knew if you let your hurt guide you the two of you would just fall back into your cycle of arguing and going days without speaking. It was obvious the two of you had a lot more to talk about, so you would take the high road and hope more things got solved tonight.

“Hey Carm,” your hand reached out to delicately remove the photo from its place on the wall.

“Hmm,” he was now occupied with plating you each a portion of the food, eyes not giving you any attention.

A small smirk made its way to your face as you made your way over to him, your arm brushing his as you stopped next to him. “Do you keep all your porn in the kitchen?”

You felt him freeze next to you arms going slack as his head snapped up to look at the side of your face.

“W-what?” You could hear the slight fear and tinge of embarrassment in his voice, the notion making you smile bigger at how easy it was to mess with him. You allowed him to simmer in those feelings as you perused the plates surprised to see the familiar logos on the takeout boxes, your heart warming at Carmy’s attention to detail. You carefully set the forks on each of the dishes before grabbing the one closest to you.

You dropped the Polaroid in the empty spot the plate once was, “Thank you for dinner Carmy.” You placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before maneuvering yourself around him so you could eat.

The apartment was quiet as you took a seat on the floor, placing your plate on the coffee table, before beginning to eat. The quiet expletive that left Carmy’s lips gained a small laugh from you, you sent him a wide smile as he joined you on the couch, neither of you saying a word as you ate dinner.

The awkward air from earlier returned as the two of you finished your respective meals, the quiet dialogue from the random T.V. show playing was the only noise in the apartment as you and Carmy sat on opposite sides of the couch. You intended to initiate a conversation after dinner but found yourself overthinking the best way to address everything between you two at the moment. The longer you sat there in silence the more resigned you felt to just thank Carm for dinner and leave his apartment without another word.

As if the atmosphere wasn’t ripe enough with tension, the “sneaky” glances the two of you stole from each other did little to help especially when one of you caught the other and shy smiles ensued. You felt like a teenager all over again all shy and uncertain. But the longer you sat in Carmy’s apartment you realized just how juvenile this all was, Carmy already knew how strongly you felt for him and if it wasn’t clear when you let him pump and dump you a year ago, then you were damn well sure it was clear when you yelled that you loved him in the restaurant all those weeks ago. And now the two of you were just dancing around what everybody else had known for some time.

Suddenly you sat forward from your position on the couch reaching to grab your bag off the coffee table. Carefully removing the pristine envelope you placed your bag down and turned to look at Carmy, unsurprised to find his eyes already on you.

You held out your hand to him urging him to take the envelope, “This came in the mail today. Everything is in your name now, the trademark is yours, Carm.” You waited with bated breath as his eyes flickered from yours down to the envelope in your hand, confusion sweeping over you the longer the envelope hung between the two of you.

His hand reached out gently removing the object from your grip, you wanted to tease him from the unnecessary contact he’d created. His hand latched delicately around your wrist to hold it in place while his free hand reached for the envelope, the hand still holding your wrist gently slid away as he pulled back making sure each of his work-calloused fingers left behind the whisper of a kiss against your now empty palm.

You watched as he silently opened the envelope taking the time to read over the enclosed document. You could tell he read it more than once, likely soaking in that what he’d been working for was finally coming to fruition; that Mikey’s dream would finally become reality. Your heart lurched as his fingers traced over the printed words, you couldn’t help the wetness that rose to your waterline, a feeling of gratefulness raced through you at the fact that you were back here in Chicago surrounded by family watching each of them accomplish something different.

As Carmy continued ruminating on whatever thoughts were racing through his head, you quietly began gathering your items feeling as though this was a good time to call it a night. You had just slipped on your jacket when you felt pressure at the base of your spine, looking over your shoulder to find Carmy’s confused eyes looking at you.

“You’re leaving?” You were surprised by the slight hurt in his voice, your arms dropping to your side as you felt like you had done something wrong.

You gave him a small nod motioning toward the watch on your wrist, “It's late Carm, I don’t want to inconvenience you more than I already have.” You hoped the joking tone in your voice was evident to him.

“You haven’t inconvenienced me.” The conviction in his voice wasn’t lost as you stared at him for a moment.

A quiet laugh left you, “I showed up at your doorstep unannounced Carm, and then I basically forced you into buying me dinner. Does that not sound inconvenient to you? Plus, I’m sure you want some alone time.”

His eyes locked on yours as though he were searching for something, you couldn’t be sure but standing in his living room under his penetrating gaze like so warmed you. You watched as a light blush raced up his neck, his cheeks tinging a pretty shade of pink, you could tell his mind was racing with what to say next, his eyes were still locked on yours but now had a faraway look to them.

“Would it…ahem,” the clearing of his throat brought his full focus back to you. “Would it be weird if I wanted to spend my alone time with…uh with you?”

It was quiet after his confession, the smile you once held dropping as you realized his words to be serious, his widening eyes told you that he was seconds from backtracking on his previous words. You quickly shook your head, sending him a quick smile.

“Are you asking me to have a sleepover with you, Carmy?” Your eyes were full of mirth as his earlier blush deepened when your eyes found his once again. “Like when we were kids?” The latter question was unnecessary it would always be worth it every time if it meant you got to watch Carmy clam up as he thought of a way to relieve his embarrassment.

You waited for his response, part of you assuming you’d teased him too much as he just stared at you wide-eyed, you tried to laugh off the awkwardness you were beginning to feel. “It was sweet of you to ask Carm, but I don’t have an emergency overnight bag in my car.” You hoped your tone didn’t give away just how much you were actually thinking about accepting his offer.

“You do.” You frowned at his words, eyebrows raising as you urged him to continue, “I mean…it's just that I uh picked up some stuff for you when I was out.”

You felt your heart clench at Carmy’s confession, his eyes looking everywhere but at your as he realized how the whole thing may have come across to you. “I…sorry I didn’t mean to overstep or…or imply anything I just-,”

“Carm hey,” you reached out to grip his hand, your thumb rubbing soothing circles against it. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I’d be happy to spend the night with you.”

He nodded, you could still see the apprehension on his face and you couldn’t tell if it was because of his own actions, or if he was regretting having asked you to stay the night in the first place.

“Not to sound ungrateful but did you happen to pick up anything I could change into?” Your question had its intended effect, diverting Carmy’s attention as he pointed to the washer in answer before leading you back to the kitchenette to the still-full bag you paid little attention to while in the kitchen with him earlier.

To say it was a surprise to see the bag full of the products that could be found in your bathroom back home would be a lie. You zoned out as Carmy took the time to explain that he picked out what he could remember seeing in your shower, your eyes burning into the side of his head as you took the time to allow the events of the past hour to sink into your mind thinking back on the advice you’d received from Natalie.

“Baby?” The questioning tone of Carmy’s voice revealed he tried to gain your attention for some time now.

You blinked a couple of times your eyes immediately finding Carmy’s as you cleared the blur of tears away. You couldn’t help the way your heart seemed to beat faster the longer you looked at him, or the way it ached all the same as though it was longing for a want that was finally so close, a want that could become tangible if you allowed it to. The silence permeated between the two of you, worry lines etching into Carmy’s forehead the longer you went without speaking.

It was as though a realization had just dawned on you, sure you were standing in front of Carmen Berzatto, but you didn’t know this man standing in front of you; not really. He was so different from the young man you left behind all of those years ago and in some ways all the same. Although you’d seen him at Christmas that one time and spent a few hours with him in New York, neither of those instances made up for the 10 years the two of you spent apart living and maturing without each other.

But you wanted to know him, to know him intimately. To know him as a friend and a lover and everything in between. And even though you still had so much time to make up for between the two of you, you knew deep down that it would all be okay. You knew it in the way he cared for you as you showcased your most vulnerable parts to him. He showed it in the way he forgave you so easily for hiding such a horrifying truth from him. In the way he checked in on you over this week as you went silent, the way he so easily invited you into his space made sure you ate, and brought you flowers all because he wanted to.

It felt abysmal the way you were picking at straws at this moment, but Natalie was right the self-sabotaging was getting ridiculous. And right now all you wanted was to be happy, and Carmy seemed to be offering you that in his in-experienced way.

You took a step forward, arms instantly wrapping around his neck as you melted into him regardless of whether he returned your affection. But it was immediate, the way one of his firm arms snaked around your waist, the remaining one moving up to grip the back of your neck holding you as tight as he possibly could, if it was possible you were sure he would’ve melded your bodies together. The rough pad of his thumb swept across the skin of your neck, you listened as he took a sharp intake of breath, his body relaxing into yours even more as he inhaled your scent finding comfort in the mixture of your signature perfume and just the smell of you.

“I’ve missed you so much, Carmen.” The quiet words found their home in the space of his neck, your soft lips leaving behind the ghost of a kiss.

a/n: domestic filler with a subtle splash of fluff and angst. next chapter will pick up where this one left off enjoy. 🤍

[multi-fxndom446]

Remember me

Zoro x reader

Summary: you and the other straw hats lose your memory and you put yourself in between a fight with Zoro and Luffy and Zoro feels guilty about it when he regains his memory.

Warning: very slight angst I suppose. Happy ending. Ig you could say a little spicy at the end but not much else.

Word count: 3.6K

based off of that 5 episode filler where the straw hats lose there memory

God I have such a fixation on his earrings😭

-

“Y/n!” Luffy screamed for you as you took a protective stance in front of him. Shielding him from the attack that was coming his way.

You gritted your teeth together while you tried to hold onto the man’s hands in front of you, trying to be careful to not grab onto the sharp parts of his swords. But it was proving difficult.

You didn’t even know why you jumped in front of the guy with a straw hat or why you were protecting him from such a terrifying person. You had no idea who either of them were yet you felt a sense of duty to the both of them.

From what Luffy explained to you on the ship, you all were friends. You wouldn’t have been so inclined to believe him if the black haired girl hadn’t said the same things. But still even with what Luffy told you, you didn’t know why you felt your heart hurting having to stop this green haired man from hurting your supposed captain.

~~

When you woke up the morning before you were lost and so confused. You squinted as a ray of light hit you in the face and you looked up from your spot on the ground to see a man stood above you, staring.

Your mouth opened in surprise while you took the rest of him in. He had a hand resting on three swords?! He had a glare on his face but you almost got a feeling that was just the way he looked.

“Who are you?” He demanded but still you said nothing. You sat up, keeping a very close eye on him. “Why were you sleeping up here next to me?”

“Next to you?!” You shook your head at the implication. “I couldn’t have been!”

“Well you were!” But you shook your head in denial again and he clenched his jaw in annoyance.

You backed away as far as you could when you saw that look on his face. “What were you doing sleeping next to me?!” You demanded and his jaw clenched tighter. When he went to say something the both of you heard someone call out to you to come down.

The man before you spared you one more glance before jumping down, you following his lead but down the ladder like a sane person.

For the rest of the time leading up to the orange haired girl and the same green haired man leaving you couldn’t help the sense of familiarity about it all, or about him specifically.

You watched him go until he was out of sight and the black haired girl led you to the kitchen to explain what she could.

You sat in absolute shock upon hearing the news that you were part of a pirate group. Not only that but the fact that green haired man had a 60 million berry bounty and you were supposedly sleeping right next to him?

When everyone beside you, and the ones you learned to be Sanji and Robin, fell asleep Robin found a seat next to you. “I suppose it is a little overwhelming if you don’t remember any of it huh?”

“A little.” You mumbled before glancing at her from the corner of your eye. “Hey was I really asleep next to the pirate hunter guy?”

Robin gave you a coy kind of smile and nodded slightly. “It wouldn’t surprise me if you were. You both tend to stick close to the other.” Again you were left in shock. “Though I don’t think either of you have admitted it I believe there’s some feelings between you.”

Sanji scoffed in disbelief. “That reckless idiot with someone so beautiful? I don’t believe it. How would that even happen?” Robin shrugged.

“I’m not sure myself I was the latest to join the crew. There’s still some things I don’t even know.” You couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed at that. Apparently everyone that did remember got those memories taken from them.

Well that didn’t last long when the next few moments the kid taking the memories appeared on the ship to try and take more but ended up giving Luffys back on accident when Luffy kicked him off the head of the sheep.

The kid disappeared in the next moment but none of you seemed to care when Luffy turned to you all. “I have my memories back!” He shouted in glee but the rest of you didn’t know wether the be happy about that or not.

After he explained he was actually the captain and not Usopp you were even more confused. But he refused to let the other two go no matter how much Sanji and Usopp tried to bargain. “No! Y/n would want Zoro to stay! Wouldn’t you y/n?” Everyone’s eyes turned to you and immediately you held your hands up in defense.

“I-I don’t even know him!” Your apparent captain frowned at your answer but didn’t press it further.

It wasn’t until later when everyone was starting to settle down again after agreeing to go after the two in the morning that you found questions reappearing in your head about the green haired swordsman.

“Ah y/n!” Luffy called excitedly when you came to sit next to him. “Excited for tomorrow?!”

“Actually I was wondering if you could tell me more about this Zoro guy and why you asked if I’d want him to stay.” Luffy titled his head in confusion but nodded in understanding nonetheless.

“Well we found you and Zoro pretty close together if I remember right. You were captured by a pirate group that had taken you from your home and put you to work.” You glanced down and noticed Luffy clenching his fists tightly together as he recalled the time you met. “You were incredibly sick it may have been because of all the labor they were forcing you to do and the conditions they were making you do them in.”

“But Nami, Zoro and I destroyed that group and agreed to take you home. But when we got to your village..” Luffy trailed off and refused to meet your gaze. “You had no one. So we decided to take you with us. At the time you were still very sick even when we got the going merry. Your life was very touch and go for awhile but you hung in there until we found chopper who helped you.”

“I-“ you were at a loss for words. They took you in when you had no one left? They even helped nurse you back to health? “But what does that have to do with Zoro?”

“Oh yeah! Well he became pretty protective of you when you were sick because a lot of people tried to hurt you while you were defenseless but even after you got better he was still just as protective if not more.” Luffy smiled, “anywhere you’d go he would be close behind. If you didn’t want to go he’d stay on the ship with you or if he had to leave he’d bring back a present for you.”

“You felt safe with each other.” Robin chimed in out of nowhere and you turned to her in surprise. “It’s probably why he didn’t do anything to you while you were up in the crows nest defenseless. There’s still some part of all of you subconsciously understanding that we do know each other even if the rest of you can’t accept it.”

“And-and him and I aren’t together?” You asked timidly. Robin looked toward Luffy for the answer but Luffy looked just as confused about that question.

“I don’t think so?” He said as more of a question but still you were confused.

“Why?”

“Who knows?” Luffy shrugged, “maybe because Zoros an idiot sometimes.”

You stared at him in shock. “I see.” You had no idea what was going on but you couldn’t deny the fact that the swordsman felt familiar to you. No matter how much you wanted to deny it, you were starting to believe there words.

~~

Your hands shook as you tried your best to hold onto him. He seemed to be holding back for some reason and you recalled what Robin had said, it was as if subconsciously he knew this wasn’t right.

You didn’t remember him but you trusted Luffy and Robin. You had too. There was no other way to explain the missing pieces without their explanation.

Robin and the others beside you and Luffy had gone ahead to try and find the source of the problem. So there was no rescue beside them getting your memories back somehow

“Y/n stop!” Luffy shouted when he noticed your feet sliding in the dirt below. Zoros swords were sharp even an idiot could see the man in front of you could end your life in one fell swoop.

Luffy went to punch Zoro off you but in a split second the swordsman had thrown you over his shoulder but you forced him to follow suit by keeping a tight grip on his hands.

Though now seeing your current position you aren’t sure that was such a great idea.

He had you pinned, blade to one side of your throat while the one in his mouth was dangerously close to your face and the other was creeping up on the other side of your neck. Out of desperation you started speaking to him, “I know I don’t remember you and you don’t remember me. But I believe that straw hat guy and that other girl. Because your warmth feels to familiar to be foreign.” You said softly, wincing when you felt the tip of one of his blades pierce your skin.

“Y/n!” Luffy screamed and you saw he was powering himself up for another move but you held your hand out to stop him, your other hand coming to rest on Zoros cheek. An action that felt to familiar.

“It’s okay.” Zoro hesitated for a moment when you simply smiled at him the dark look in his eye softening slightly. “Somehow I know it’s going to be okay. So if this is what you need to do, go ahead.”

Tears pricked your eyes when you felt the blade cut further into your neck and you could feel your own blood dripping down the side of your neck. Your hand that was held out to stop Luffy came to hold onto the blade in his mouth. You cried out as blood gushed out of your palm and down your arm.

The other blade was close to the other side of your neck so you took a deep breathe and closed your eyes, preparing yourself to die when everything stopped and you felt the two blades at the side of your neck stop. “Y/n?” Came a shaky voice then next a flood of memories.

Your eyes shot open in shock. Zoro seemed just as shocked if not more when he realized he was not only pinning you to the ground but had your life just barely in his grasp.

“W-what the hells going on?” He asked while he removed the sword from his mouth. You winced as it finally released itself from your hand and he noticed immediately. He dropped all his swords to the ground and made a grab for your hand before he noticed the blood trickling down your neck. “What the hell did I do?!”

“It’s okay!” You cried happily, all the things Luffy told you on the ship coming back in full but this time in your perspective. “It’s okay! I’m okay!”

But before he could respond Luffy shot himself at Zoro, knocking the swordsman away from you and into the trees. “Zoro!”

“Are you alright? He didn’t hurt you to bad did he?!” Luffy asked as he kneeled bedside you and assessed the damage. When he stood next he had a glare on his face. “What the hell Zoro?!”

Zoro came out of the trees with a glare of his own. “I didn’t know Luffy!” He shouted as he made a beeline for you both again but he had an angry look on his face again.

Instead of going to you he grabbed his swords and started walking the path the others had gone. “Stay here with Y/n I have to go finish something.”

“Wait Zoro!” Luffy shouted and instead of doing what he asked he went chasing after him.

You titled your head to the side to watch them go and laughed to yourself softly before the action made you wince. “Yeah glad I’m not his enemy.” You sighed before closing your eyes and letting the world go dark.

~~

What felt like only a few minutes later which you’re sure was probably longer, you felt someone shaking you.

“Y/n! Wake up!” The voice sounded so close yet so far. “Y/n please wake up!!” He cried his voice laced with concern.

“Chopper!” Someone else called before you felt someone grab onto your shoulders and start roughly shaking you

“Ah Luffy!” Chopper shouted as your eyes opened just in time to see Zoro punch Luffy clear across the path and grab hold of you protectively.

“She’s injured idiot!” He yelled after him and Luffy stood up while rubbing his head.

“Well it was you who injured her.” And with this new information from Luffy Sanji was quick to kick Zoro in the head.

“Stop it!” Nami yelled before zoro could drop you recklessly to the ground to fight the cook, though Zoro wasn’t going to do that anytime soon. He didn’t even seem to notice the kick to the head because all he noticed was the way your eyes were staring up at him and the corners of your mouth were curled into a smile.

Chopper stopped briefly as well when he noticed you had woken up and not only that but you were laughing. “Y/n!” He said happily before he continued going through his bag.

“Are you okay?” Zoro asked softly and you could only nod your head while you looked up at him. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m okay.” You reassured but he couldn’t help but look down guiltily. “Though I am glad we aren’t enemies. That was exhausting even for such a short fight”

He could tell you were trying to lighten to mood and he decided to let you. “Which will never happen again alright? If I’m ever taken control of don’t try and get between me and whatever my target is. Alright?” You went to disagree but he stopped you. “I never want you to be on that side of my blades ever again so don’t try to be heroic against me okay? Please?”

You couldn’t argue with him. Not when he had that pleading look in his eyes. So instead you just nodded in agreement.

After Chopper wrapped your hand and stopped the bleeding on your neck you set off to the going merry again. You were stood with Zoro the whole way back as he refused to let you leave his sight. But that changed the moment you all were on board.

While everyone else went there separate ways to start getting the hell off the island Zoro was quick to go up to the crows nest. You watched him go in confusion until chopper came up to you, tapping your leg.

“Your palm needs stitch’s, come on.” You only nodded and started to follow him while you spared the crows nest one last glance.

His cold shoulder lasted for more days than you expected. You hardly expected him to avoid you in the first place if you were honest. But after getting back on the ship he was everywhere you weren’t, mainly up in the crows nest.

He’d have his meals after the rest of you or he’d take his with him to eat somewhere else. Everyone would watch you in either concern or confusion but you had nothing to say to reassure them, you had no idea where this was coming from either.

Your attempts at cornering him had proven unsuccessful because he would simply push you away. Albeit gently, he still did and it may not have hurt physically but mentally it hurt worse.

So after you had had enough you grabbed a blanket and pillow and while everyone else was asleep you made your way up the ladder to the crows nest.

Zoro had his arms crossed and head down until he heard you and he opened his eyes to see what was going on but he only sighed when he saw it was you. “What are you doing? You’re gonna get a cold.” He said Cooly and you shrugged.

This wasn’t anything new. On the nights he held watch you would be up here sleeping next to him and on the nights you held watch he’d be sitting next to you keeping you company even if he did fall asleep immediately after sitting down.

Usually on those times you’d cuddle up next to him but this time you made yourself comfortable on top of the door leading down so he couldn’t escape from you.

“Why are you avoiding me?” You asked, curling into the blanket to keep away from the especially cold night.

Zoro opened his eyes and stared at you silently for a moment. “I’m not.” he finally said.

“Don’t lie to me.” You mumbled trying to suppress a shiver. But Zoro could see it, he could see the way you were shaking ever so slightly from the cold and it made him frown. “Is it because of what happened? Because if it is I’m fine! You didn’t remember who we were and I didn’t either.”

“But you still tried to stop me even when you didn’t know who i was.” He could hear the chattering of your teeth now. You should be inside the girls cabin asleep, not up here. “Come here.” He finally caved and opened an arm out to invite you into his embrace.

You were quick to stand with your blanket and cross the small space to get to him. You straddled his lap and rested you head between his shoulder and jaw. His arms coming to wrap around you securely. “Do you doubt my ability to protect myself?” You whispered against his neck and he resisted the urge to shudder.

“I don’t doubt your ability.” He affirmed, “but I never wanted to be the one you had to prove your strength against. I never wanted to be the one to cause harm to you.” You were silent then, you had nothing else to say you seemed to finally understand his need to put distance between the two of you. He felt guilty.

After a few more minutes of silence you spoke again, “I remember talking to Luffy when I lost my memories.” Zoro hummed. “He was telling me about the two of us and I remember asking him why weren’t together and he said he didn’t know. But it got me thinking,” you sat up now and you could see a small blush covering his cheeks. “Why aren’t we?”

You moved slightly closer, just enough to distract him from his thoughts as he attempted to keep his gaze on your eyes and not on the way your warm breathe fanned across his lips so delicately. “What do you want?” He asked eventually, swallowing down his nerves.

If you were anyone one else you would’ve backed away at the tone of voice he used when asking that question but you could tell he was nervous to even acknowledge the shift that was happening between the two of you. “I just wanted to be yours.” You responded quietly and leaned closer again to brush your lips against his in a barely there kiss but when you pulled back his eyes were closed as if trying to commit the feeling to his memory. “Can I be yours?”

Zoros eyes finally opened as he stared at you and just when you were about to take back what you said and did he surged forward and crashed his lips to yours, pouring everything he had into it. His hands gripped your sides while yours went to cup his face in your hands when he suddenly pulled back just an inch, breathing heavily. “Tell me to stop.” He breathed but you only looked at him in confusion.

“Do you want to stop?”

He shook his head. “No. But if I keep going everything changes. So please tell me stop.” He begged his hands gripping tighter.

“Zoro.” Your lips brushed his again as you let your fingers run across his earrings. “I’m not going to tell you to stop. I want everything you have to offer me.”

He looked at you in utter shock and admiration before he finally let one of his small smiles out. He chuckled softly, leaning up until your lips were just centimeters apart and you could feel his next words on your own lips. “What could I possibly tell you that could top that?”

But your next words would have him grinning the rest of his life. “Just tell me I’m yours.” Finally he closed to gap again and he held onto you for dear life like you would slip from his grasp if he loosened his hold.

“You’re mine.” He murmured after pulling away. Then he pushed back against you, his hands slipping under your shirt where he could feel the goosebumps flood your skin.

Kissing along your neck until he was back face to face with you. He smirked, “And I’m yours.”

The end

~~

[samkerrworshipper]

Would you please be able to write something about you getting the call up for the WC and calling Sam afterwards crying. Just lots of fluff xx

Thank you

the phone call | sam kerr x lionesses reader

sorry my lovelies… i’m still yet to leave bed because of this pain flare up

sorry if i’m not interacting with your messages and kind words.. trying to limit my screen time but i promise im seeing them all and it means the world to me

for now you all get some little drabbles that are sitting in my drafts xo

It’s 6pm.

The calls were supposed to start going out at 4 and it’s 6.

You’re paralysed, stuck to your spot on the couch, your feet anxiously tied up in the blanket draped over you as you stare down at your phone, patiently awaiting a call.

It hasn’t been an easy ride to get to this point, almost a year ago you were lying in a hospital bed, unmoving and unsure whether you’d ever walk again, let alone be in contention to play football for your country.

You’ve worked your ass off, tens of hundreds of hours in the gym, rehabbing, working on your strength, all for this call.

You know realistically that the longer you’re left waiting, the longer that your chances are depleting.

Coaches make the easiest calls first, the starting eleven, then their moving bench, players who will still get plenty of time on the pitch, then they move onto the maybe players, players whose skill sets might be needed depending on the team, then it’s onto the emergency players, then it’s the fillers, players that are just kind of on the squad because of courtesy, even though the chances that they will play is next to nothing.

In your mind, you fall into some place between the last two, Sarina doesn’t owe you anything though, the last time you played for her was the Euro’s semi final, when everything went to shit for you and sure, you’ve worked hard since then, but sometimes hard work isn’t always enough, especially in the world of soccer politics.

You sent Sam out of the house to run some errands half an hour ago, insisting you would be fine, but right now you wished you hadn’t, because there is nothing you need more than to be cuddled up in your fiancé’s arms.

She’s been there for you every single step of the way, quite literally being the person who helped you walk your first steps after surgery.

The road has been tough for the both of you, and you know there is nothing Sam wants more than for you to be with her in Australia over the Summer.

If it isn’t meant to be, then it isn’t, you’ll be there anyways on the sidelines supporting her but there is something so much more satisfying about knowing that you might get to be on the pitch beside her.

You don’t know what you’ll do if you are back in the squad, sure you’ve been to the last two camps, but being named in the actual squad is something else, especially for the world cup, it would mean the whole world to you.

Your thoughts are enough to drain out the ping from messages, but the desperate vibration in your hands isn’t.

Your eyes dart down to the screen, bursting open like you’d just consumed a energy drink when Sarina’s name pops up on your screen.

‘If you have a spare minute would love to chat whenever your free.’

You’ve been free since 12pm last night, sleep didn’t come for you, instead you’d sat by the phone, waiting for any kind of notification.

Sam had tried her hardest to pry you away, forcing you to come on a morning run with her, which was extremely abnormal, neither you or Sam where runners, but you assumed it was just your girlfriend trying to make you feel a little bit better.

You typed at your phone like a mad man, unwilling to miss this precious window that seemed to have opened for you, you didn’t even had the chance to actually think about Sarina actually calling you, too busy furiously tapping at the keyboard on your phone.

‘Free to chat whenever suits you’

You didn’t have much time to look at your text, mere seconds after the bubble went blue Sarina’s contact was popping up on your screen.

You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do much more than aggressively tap the green button and watch as the call connected and Sarina’s face popped up on your screen.

“Y/n, good to see you, how’s your day been? I’ve been told there is quite a storm in London today?”

You don’t want to talk about weather, or this as trivial as how your day is going, but you put a smile on for Sarina anyways, a cute little smile that you normally save for press conferences after a particularly bad match or rough game.

“Sarina, it’s an honour as always, I’m doing well thanks, the weather is definitely shocking but we’re used to it, how’s it doing in the Netherlands?”

Sarina smiles at you, and it makes you feel a little bit uneasy, why can’t she just rip the bandaid off.

“It’s nice today, blue skies. How’s Sam? I don’t know if I had the chance to congratulate you on your engagement yet.”

You put on another little smile, trying to act like the nerves growing in your stomach aren’t bubbling up so badly that you feel as if you’re about to vomit.

“Sam’s good, we’re very happy, I’ve sent her out to get groceries which I’m regretting because she hasn’t got a clue what we need.”

Sarina laughs heartily, and it’s almost enough to make you feel a little bit better about the whole situation.

“Well I hope she’ll be happy to know that you’ll be in Australia over the Summer playing for England, if you’d like?”

All thoughts in your brain are cut off when you catch onto what Sarina is saying and then all of a sudden you can feel the tears building up in the back of your eyes.

“You’re serious? You want me in Australia?”

Sarina just laughs once again.

“You were part of our winning Euro’s team y/n, there is nothing I would love more than to welcome you back. You are a crucial part of our defence, especially with Leah missing and there is nothing we need more than your leadership. You’ve been fantastic on the pitch recently, both club and at camp, if you keep performing as you are, I think you’ll be very deserving of taking your place back in the starting eleven, how does that sound?”

You have to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself from sobbing.

“Thank you so much Sarina, you genuinely don’t know how much this means to me, I’ll prove to you everyday that I deserve to be there and I’ll do whatever I can on and off the pitch to help the team.”

Sarina just smiles to herself.

“I don’t doubt that at all, all I ask is that you try your hardest, I’ll let you go now y/n, have a good couple of weeks, I’ll see you at the airport.”

Before you can embarrass yourself any further, you're wishing Sarina farewell and pressing the red button at the bottom of your screen.

It takes a few seconds for it all to set in for you, the happenings of your phone call slowly sinming into your brain.

It’s when it all sinks in that you realise tears are still dripping down your face, and before you can think about it too hard your searching for Sam’s contact and clicking the call button.

To Sam’s credit, it takes about three seconds before your girlfriends face pops up on your screen.

“I think I might need a shopping list- baby why are you crying?”

Just looking at Sam makes you perk up a little bit, she’s all flustered which you don’t see very often.

“Sarina called, I’m in the squad, she wants me in the squad.”

Just saying it creates a whole other wave of emotions of flowing, and this time you don’t even try to stop the sobs leaving your mouth.

Sam lights up immediately.

“Baby, that is awesome, I’m not surprised at all, I’m leaving the shops now, I’ll be home in five minutes we can talk about it then, hmm?”

You nod eagerly, a big smile breaking out across its face.

“I’m so proud of you babe, you’ve worked so hard for this, I’ll be home in a couple of minutes, okay?”

You just nod at Sam, far to giddy to do much besides jerk your head up and down like a energised puppy.

You weren’t quite sure what the future held for your Summer in Australia, but you that no matter what, no matter the injuries, setbacks, bad games, Sam would be there for you through it all, she’d be there for you, no matter what side of the dug out you were sitting on.

[starlightkun]

filler episodes ⏯ teaser [sungchan]

⏯ teaser word count: 1458 | full fic: 16.6k ⏯ warnings: general angst around not knowing what you’re doing with your life, the usual cursing ⏯ genre: fluff, suggestive/steamy but no actual smut, strangers to lovers, band au, punk drummer!sungchan, office worker!reader, not really badboy x good girl trope, more like sungchan has tattoos and reader is… a bit boring and hates her job. but she’s trying!, reader is having a quarter life crisis, ft. shotaro/eunseok/wonbin as sungchan’s bandmates, and nct dream 00 line as reader’s normal friends™ ⏯ estimated release: saturday, june 29, 2024 3:00 p.m. eastern time

Clutching your tote bag strap tighter to your body, you turned onto a street, trying to ignore the sun that was getting lower in the sky. Surely this way would lead towards your apartment. You’d lived in this city your whole life, you could walk from your work to your home, two places that you went to every single day.

There was a tall man outside one of the shops on this street, and you went to skirt around him on the sidewalk as he swept a few stray leaves and dirt out of a bookstore. Other than him, the street was fairly quiet, many of the stores having already closed up for the day.

“What are you doing?” The young man called out to you before you could fully pass him by.

You pivoted around on your heel, quickly looking around to see if there was anybody else that he could possibly be talking to. But it was definitely just you and him.

He looked about your age, wearing a cream pink long-sleeve button down presumably as part of the store uniform, though you weren’t sure if he really needed to have it buttoned all the way to the top button. It seemed a bit too warm out for that.

“Walking. Why?”

“This is the fourth time you’ve walked by here.” He did a sweeping point to the sidewalk in front of the shop, then leaned against the broom he had been cleaning with. “Wasn’t sure if you might have a particular destination in mind.”

“Fuck! I knew I was going in circles!”

“You’re lost.”

“Yeah, this isn’t my normal way home…”

“And your phone died?” He cocked his head curiously.

“No, I’m trying to get home without using my phone map,” you admitted, looking around for any familiar landmarks.

“Why? That’s what it’s for.”

“It’s… You’ll think it’s stupid. My friends did.”

He shrugged. “Probably. But why does that matter to you? I’m just some guy.”

“I’ve been doing something new every day. Just small things. But if I change enough little things, then everything will have changed.”

The guy was quiet for a beat, looking altogether unimpressed, then asked, “Where do you live?”

“Uh…”

“General area, see if I can give you directions from here.”

“Oh, uhm, if you can get me to the tea shop on Magnolia, I can get myself home from there.”

“Jade Gardens, I know it,” he nodded, then pointed left down the street, in the same direction that you had just come from. “That way, left onto North Oak, right onto Foxtail, another right onto Broad Street, it’ll eventually dead end into Magnolia, keep going until you see the tea shop.”

“Left onto North Oak, right onto Foxtail, right onto Broad,” you recited. “Got it, thank you!”

“Stay safe.” He waved you off, returning to sweeping without seeing if you had gone the way he’d pointed you.

It was Monday that you got lost and were given directions home by the questionably friendly but overall helpful bookstore worker, and the tea shop on Magnolia had been on your mind since. So on Thursday, you decided to stop by after work. You were running low on the green tea that you usually kept in stock at home, and thought that you might pick up something new for yourself.

Opening the door to Jade Gardens that Thursday, you were enveloped by the familiar aromatic smells wafting around the small shop. When you didn’t hear the usual kind voice of the owner, Mrs. Choi, greeting you, you peered around the aisle that you were in to look for her.

“Mrs. Choi?” You called out, also not hearing her TV show that she usually was watching behind the counter between helping customers. You were by the black teas anyway, so you didn’t mind wandering into the next aisle as you looked for any other sign of life in the shop.

“She’s not in,” a voice that was definitely not Mrs. Choi informed you right as you turned the corner into the beginning of the green teas. You could see enough of the man’s profile to recognize him as he stood by some of the shelves in the store. The worker from the bookstore. He was standing over an open cardboard box, a couple tins of tea in his hands.

“Uhm…” You trailed off, blinking at him as you weren’t sure exactly what to say. He placed the tins on the shelf.

“You think I’m stalking you, don’t you?” He said flatly, turning to show you the name badge on his longsleeve teal shirt. It was metallic gold, with the name SUNGCHAN engraved into it. “I work here too. For the past six months.”

“Oh, right.” You relaxed, flashing him a smile. As he went back to restocking and you went back to looking at the tea on the shelves that he wasn’t currently stocking, you commented lightly, “I’ve never seen you here before.”

“I work Tuesdays and Thursdays. You ever been here on a Tuesday or a Thursday?”

“No. I always come on Sundays.”

“There you go.” He had emptied the box of product he was restocking from, and carried it into the back. When he reemerged, he stopped behind the register, but engaged you in conversation again, “So is this your new thing for today? Coming on a Thursday instead of Sunday?”

“Yeah.”

“And? Is your whole life different yet?”

“I’ve only been doing this for two weeks…” You replied defensively, looking over at him from the two kinds of green tea that you were debating between.

“Have you done anything new yet?” Sungchan asked, arching an eyebrow.

“That’s the whole point—”

“From what I know, as some guy who doesn’t even know your name, is that you have walked home from work without using the maps on your phone—something you would have done anyway—and gone to a shop that you go to regularly, just on a different day of the week. Have you done anything that you’ve never done before at all?”

“My name is Y/N, by the way.” You bit the inside of your cheek, and grabbed your tea selection. “Ordering a drink I’ve never tried at my usual boba place doesn’t count, does it?”

“You already know the answer, Y/N.”

“The point isn’t to quit my job and travel the world and completely overhaul my life—”

“I thought it was to change everything?”

“If I change enough little things, then—”

“—everything will have changed.” “—everything will have changed.” The two of you finished at the same time, Sungchan putting more emphasis on ‘everything,’ a pointed look on his face.

“I just don’t get how everything is supposed to change by you coming to a tea shop on a different day one time, but still working the same job you hate,” he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“How do you know I hate my job?!” You retorted, bringing your selections up to the counter.

“If you loved it, you wouldn’t be in a crisis about changing your whole life.”

“Do you like your two jobs?”

“They’re fine.” He shrugged, ringing up your purchases.

You handed him your card. “Fine?”

“They’re just my day jobs.”

“And what’s your night job then?”

A smirk grew on his face as he bagged your tins of tea. “Nah.”

“‘Nah?’” You repeated incredulously.

“You’re not doing anything new. No point telling you.”

“If it’s stand-up, I don’t want to know,” you snorted.

“It’s not stand-up.”

“Mm, I don’t know, you’re giving me real stand-up energy right now,” you snipped, gesturing to his entire demeanor. “I’m really glad you haven’t told me, actually, because I can’t control my face when I’m told bad jokes.”

“I don’t do stand-up comedy,” he reiterated with the same calm, self-assured tone, handing you your bag of tea and receipt.

“Considering you’re refusing to tell me, I’m convinced it’s like, open mic nights. Tight fives, not even a full—”

“Not stand-up,” he said again. “But considering how badly you’re begging me to tell you—”

“Pretty sure you’re the one desperately trying to convince me you don’t do stand-up, but—”

“If you really want to do something brand new…” He took your receipt out of your hand, writing on the back of it with a pen that was on the counter. “Make this your thing for tomorrow.”

You accepted the receipt when he held it back out to you. “You still haven’t told me what you do.”

“Live a little. And bring some friends, yeah? Don’t want you getting lonely in the mosh pit.”

Your eyes scanned the address and time he had scrawled on your receipt. “Mosh pit?”

⤷ masterlist

[hypnoneghoul]

when you listen to the rhrn album can you please give your thoughts about like the mixing? Live albums typically don’t always have the greatest mixing but this one like confuses me

alright anon, I'm using your ask to make my official HYP TALKS RHRN SOUNDTRACK post

tag list: @devilsandstarlight @jazz-bazz @skele-bunny @azureseacloud @lilhoechlinsbae @delusionalbitchinthehouse @fallen-iii-ghost

A disclaimer, any negative-leaning take is not hate or "I would've done a better job" (because I would not), it's only my opinion that I was asked for multiple times due to what I do here on tumblr

Okay so I can divide the tracks in two categories when it comes to mixing and all that stuff:

1. Awesome mixing – more depth, better instrumental and vocal balance – Spillways – Cirice – Call Me Little Sunshine – Twenties – Marry On A Cross – Kiss The Go-Goat – Dance Macabre – Square Hammer

2. Less fortunate mixing – some flatness and chunkiness, less balance – Kaisarion – Rats – Faith – Absolution – Watcher In The Sky – Rats – Miasma – Respite On The Spitalfields

I’m not putting If You Have Ghosts into any of these categories because it’s a different world entirely. It’s actually just brilliant, but it’s not as hard to find balance with so few and such instruments as with the other songs on the album. I think Copia is a little too sharp for this vibe and I'm pretty sure they tried to help with reverb. It was a nice touch, but I think it could’ve been more smoothed out. But also I kinda hear Terzo in the second half of it, not Copia, SORRY. The vocal ghoulette could’ve been put either fully on the middle or all stretched all around to surround Copia and the instrumental and fill the space, if that makes sense

In general the mixing is strange in some places, even in the better made songs, it’s just like they lose the plot sometimes. It's possible (and very likely) that it was prepared with vinyls or CDs in mind, not headphones, but that doesn't explain why sometimes it's better and sometimes worse. Some general stuff about mixing I picked out:

1. Dew isn't really on the right, he's more to the middle than Aeon who's totally to the left. Dew could be louder actually in some places, Aeon could be stretched more to the middle 2. Bass has a great definition, we can finally hear how nice some fillers are and how good Rain actually is 3. The girls got some very much deserved highlights, but they did Swiss dirty. I’m outraged for my bbg, but not only because I love him. It would be a genuinely better technical decision if he was louder and/or placed somewhere else. The entire thing is very off balance. It's lead guitar and strong female vocals on the right, and rhythm and basically nothing (Swiss) on the left. It just doesn't make any sense!!!

Now some stuff about specific songs:

1. Rats – So dirty, the mixing failed a little here, the audience just sounds like noise instead of actual good background – DEW DID A PINCH HARMONIC (I manifested it) – Cirrus!!! It’s hard to hear her most of the time and she rocks here – Aeon and Dew had a very good harmony, they work so good together wtf (sorry Aether but they win here)

2. Faith – Aurora and Cumulus completely slay – I adore Dewdrop’s little addition to the 1st solo – But he missed a note in the 2nd solo heh

3. Spillways – FINALLY Swiss in Spillways – It’s the best mixed song in general and I’m not only saying that because of Swiss (who I love), all the instruments and voices are balanced so much better and so much more fluid – There’s less tone definition on bass though

4. Cirice – Dew does some fancy lil harmonic tricks in Cirice, I LIKE – It’s also very well balanced when it comes to instrument, SWISS IS AUDIBLE – Something went WRONG with Cirrus’ synth here, like omfg they did my girl dirty

5. Absolution – I talked about Absolution extensively here

6. Watcher In The Sky – Love the synth on it, why not do that setup for Cirice pls – But also Swiss is always the loudest at the beginning, why not here!? – It’s on the worse list, but it’s not horrible, the backing synths fill it nicely so it’s not as chunky as Rats for example – I think someone forgor Dew is lead, not Aeon, but at least we can appreciate the bug’s skill some more like that – Mounty slamming those bitches at the end, go baby!

7. Twenties – Very glad they highlighted the drums and the bass so much in this one, it’s what Twenties is FOR – Both Dew and Aeon’s palm muting game is so yummy here – Oh, Swiss how I love you – But what are they doing with the solo mixing, why is the bitch moving at the beginning? It’s like someone was late to press some buttons (It might have been on purpose but trying to do some fancy effects doesn’t always work)

8. Miasma – Miasma lands somewhere between the worse and better mixing category but that might be the lack of vocals which takes away some of the needed balance, but it is rather chunky – I don’t like the synths shoved totally into my left ear but that’s just me, not an actual flaw – But then what are they doing at c. 3 minutes??? Again, more fancy doesn’t always mean better and Miasma is fancy and full enough as it is – I think the mixing in Miasma changes from worse to better along the way because the ending is so much better and smoother, around when the sax comes in so they might’ve adjusted some things just to fit it – OMG RAINY GO FANCY AT THE END (the tiniest solo ever <3)

9. Mary On A Cross – Cumulus oh my fuckckk – The vocals before the chorus is such a good touch, nice ascend into the change in melody, love it – Same with Aurora’s solo part the next time, it’s so good that they put her on the middle for that, it’s perfect – The girls do slay the end but Swiss could balance it nicely if only he were just a tiny bit loudeeeeer – And again what are wed doing with these weirdly sustained layered synths??? That’s just slightly unnecessary

10. Respite On The Spitalfields – Swiss should be louder here, too – Respite is in the slightly worse category because this one sounds very flat to me for most part, it’s like only the drums and bass give any depth (or rather force some depth into it) – Once again Aeon’s palm muting is top tier – Girls slaying as usual – I’m not sure why the strings are just forcefully shoved behind Dew but okay… – The mixing here is a crime!!! It’s so flat and this is a song that deserves to be all around and fully immerse you. I’m actually sad about that one – And where are the solo vocal parts???

11. Kiss The Go-Goat – Now why is KTGG deeper and more melodic than Respite??? We’ll never know ig, but yeah, it’s on the better category – Did Nihil fucking mix this album or what??? – Cirrus’ solo in KTGG should be as loud as Dew’s, period

12. Dance Macabre – Dance Macabre is on the better category too, you can even hear Swiss – Glorious bass here

13. Square Hammer – Now Squammer, very good mixing for the finish but I still think that the girls should be more to the middle and wider, especially in backing vocal heavy tracks like this one – YES Dew bestie go ham on it at the end, slay, make your tech angry – OHHHH AEON’S THING UGHGFHNGHGHHG (he was probably wobbling his pickup switch with one of them turned off so it was basically sound on–off–on–off)

Also not really from the technical side but they cut out some strong tracks and it's honestly a big shame :(

Some gear stuff nobody will hear but me (/hj): 1. Rain definitely still has steel strings ‘cause COME ON, the TONE!!! 2. Aeon’s palm muting skills rock 3. The difference between Aeon’s ceramic humbuckers on the Fantomen and Dewdrop’s Hot Rail single coils is on the Strat so prominent AHHH 4. Aeon missed on the CMLS solo a little but Dew covered him up hjfgsdh 5. Slightly funny addition, but I love that Aurora’s voice and Dewdrop’s guitar can be mistaken for one another sometimes because of the tone and pitch lmfao

And that's it heh I'll gladly elaborate on some aspects or answer any questions that might come up so you know, my askbox and dms are open :3

[solarwonux]

Business Proposal || knj (3/?)

pairing: namjoon x f!reader || ex friends to lovers!au friends to lovers!au

Genre: fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, fwb!au, non idol!au, unrequited love

Warnings: slow burn, angst, namjoon is pretty much not the nicest dude lol (will add more as it progresses), kinda sugar daddy au but not really. It will make sense I promise.

Rating: mature, 18+

w.c: 6.5k

Synopsis: Namjoon is living on borrowed time, and it’s time to cash in. His father is months from taking his last breathe and his life long dream is to watch his oldest son say “I do.”

prev || next || m.list

a/n: Kind off a filler chapter, but also let the drama commence we are literally just getting started haha. Again, I’m going to be pretty busy for the next month so I don’t know when I’ll upload another part. But I hope you like this one and as always lmk your thoughts. Thank you.xx

The knot in your throat is hard to ignore as you put away your belongings in cardboard boxes. The tiny apartment that served as your home is looking more barren with the more things you take down and pack. Jungkook always made fun of you for giving meaning to silly things and getting attached to them. He calls you a hoarder and maybe he is correct about you hoarding shit you don’t ever need, but you call yourself a collector.

Why else would you have twenty different pots and pans in different colors. Plates and bowls in different shapes, sizes and designs. And you don’t even want to think about all the mugs you’ve accumulated over the years. Or the little trinkets that are carefully scattered all over your apartment with purpose. Or the tiny shelves with miscellaneous pictures of different moments in your life. Your clothes are a different story you haven’t even made a dent in the pile sitting on top of your bed, and you’ve already packed two full suitcases.

You’re grateful for Jungkook, and that he’s here just looking at you with judgment instead of voicing his negative opinions about you not being able to let go of shit. Though, he keeps reminding you that most of your things might be put in storage anyway. Namjoon is very particular and according to Jungkook nothing cute or with colors other than indigo, black, white and beige exist in his apartment.

“What about this?” Jungkook holds out a tiny black rabbit figurine in between his thumb and forefinger. You got it at a street market a few years ago because you believed it would bring you good luck. Though, you aren’t sure where that luck has gone because you certainly have none of it right now.

“I’m keeping it.” You hold out your hand and he places it, in the middle of your palm rolling his eyes.  

“You’re going to have to get rid of something Bunny.” He says as his hands fall down by his sides in defeat. “My brother’s not going to let you keep any of this.” He signals to the many boxes you have already packed.

You shrug, folding up the last of your winter sweaters and placing them neatly in the box in front of you. “But I can still decorate my room how I want so I don’t care, plus I already got rid of some kitchenware.”

Jungkook sighs, “Yeah after I literally fought with you for an hour. And you still have so much of it, I don’t know how you expect Namjoon to agree to keeping an air fryer, a coffee machine, purple pans, that weird pot that kinda looks like a toy, and a hot pink blender. Don’t even get me started on the weird heart shaped bowls or that one plate that looks like cheese or the twenty five mugs you kept.” He lists with his fingers before running a hand through his hair. “I’m telling you he’s as minimalist as the word suggests.”

“Kookie, they're so cute I can’t get rid of them.” You argue, “plus they mean a lot to me.” You close the box in front of you and tape it shut. Last night you decided that all your winter stuff will be going into the storage unit in Namjoon’s apartment building. If what Jungkook says it’s true and that his brother literally has nothing. Then you can only assume so does his storage unit. Plus he’s already offered it to you.  

“They’re ceramic.”

“So, I got them all for a different purpose in different moments of my life therefore they mean a lot to me.” You say sternly and stand up.

“Whatever you say.” He puts his hands up in defeat and turns around to the shelf he had been working on taking down. “Honestly now I’m kinda glad you are going to be living with Joon, seeing him irritated is amusing.”

You roll your eyes moving to the pile on your bed. Putting away your summer clothes is next on your to-do list.

“Why do you have so many clothes anyway?” Jungkook whispers from behind you, making you groan, throwing the pale yellow shirt you have picked up in his direction.

“Why are you being so annoying today?”

Jungkook slyly smiles. It only irritates you more. He may be a full year older than you but sometimes he could be more annoying than your actual younger brother. “You can’t answer a question with a question.” He bites back, picking up a skimpy baby blue lace cheekster. “You’re going to wear this in front of my brother?” He cringes holding it out as if it were the plague.

The embarrassment is evident on your face as you snatch it away and throw it somewhere behind you. “If you’re not going to be of help, get out.” You spit out, avoiding his eyes as he bends over in laughter.

You let out an annoyed sigh, picking up an oversized blue button down and folding it. “

“I’m just fucking with you Bunny. You can wear whatever you want in front of my brother. Just give me a heads up before I walk in on the two of you–you know.” He gestures inappropriately with his hand, earning a glare from you, which only makes him laugh again.

“No I do not know because whatever you’re insinuating will never happen.”

“That’s what you say now.” He accuses, squinting his eyes in suspicion.

You pick up a lavender blouse with white flowers on it and throw it in his direction. “Make yourself useful and start folding.”

Jungkook smiles widely, throwing your blouse over your shoulder. He reaches out and pinches your cheek. You swat his hand away forcefully. He winks at you before saying, “You make it so easy to fuck with you, Bunny.” He starts folding your shirt and adds, “I thought I taught you better, where’s your back bone?”

“Keep talking and I’ll show you how well I remember all those self defense moves you taught me years ago.”

The pizza arrived at exactly ten. The movers had arrived an hour earlier, taking your bed, lounge chair, desk, kitchen table, kitchenware and old decorations. Everything else you had like your clothes and small miscellaneous things were in boxes waiting to be loaded into Jungkook’s car. Your old couch was on the curb waiting to be picked up by the donation trucks.

Now, you and Jungkook were sitting in your living room–old living room–with a Hawaiian pizza and two large beers in between the two of you. Your brother and his wife left as soon as the movers did. So, it was just a lonely last dinner in your apartment with Jungkook.

“You can always just move in with me.” Jungkook speaks up taking a big swing from his beer can. “I have like three spare mattresses and Bam recently learned to not get up on the couch without permission.” He mapped out, picking up another slice of pizza.

You throw the pineapple slice you have picked off into the box. As much as you had fought the shaggy haired man against his decision even bringing up your pineapple allergy. You had lost the very intense game of rock, paper scissors twenty minutes earlier.

“No thank you. I’d rather not be subjected to your 4am drunk karaoke sessions. Or wake up to you moaning in the kitchen because of food you’ve made.” You shrug, biting into your pizza slice. “Plus you bring too many people home with you and I enjoy my sleep.”

“I don’t do that anymore.” He shrugs, throwing the crust of the pizza into the box and grabbing another slice. It’s blasphemous how he loves pineapple on pizza–no hate to pineapple on pizza lovers, if you didn’t have a deadly pineapple allergy you’re sure you would love it–but he hates the best part of a pizza. Which is by far the crust.

“Which part?” You tilt your head to the side.

“Bringing people home. I stopped doing that years ago, Bunny, keep up.” He rolls his eyes, biting into his pizza and groaning as if it’s the most delicious thing ever.

You cringe. “This is what I mean. Why do you make everything sound so sexual?”

He swallows, “Why do you take everything so sexual?” He fights back, raising a knowing eyebrow at you.

“You can’t answer a question with a question.”

“You can’t answer my question by repeating my statement from earlier.”

You shake your head, grabbing his abandoned crust. “I take back everything I just said. This is the real reason as to why I can’t live with you.” You bite into it, smiling in delight.

“Cause’ I’m irresistible.” He winks.

“No, because you’re so annoying. I will never see a moment of peace.”

Jungkook laughs, throwing another perfectly edible crust into the box and grabbing another slice. “But you love me, right Bunny?”

You shake your head, swallowing and taking a swing from your beer. “Sadly, I do.”

Jungkook smiles, throwing you a thumbs up and a cheeky wink. You laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

After a moment you look around your empty apartment, remembering how everything was perfectly laid out. The tiny frames of pictures of you, your family and your friends that used to decorate your walls. The abstract art piece that was hung on the wall behind your couch. Taehyung had gifted it to you after he disappeared for a few weeks in a crazy burst of inspiration. He said the bright colors reminded him of you, because somehow you always made him feel a little brighter no matter what.

You recall the little figurines that were placed on your useless tv unit because in the seven years that you lived in this apartment you never once bought a tv. They were miscellaneous things that were as useless as the unit but they meant a lot to you. Each one was handpicked by you for a purpose. The rabbit you had bought at a Lunar New Year market years ago. The ceramic watercolor-esque jewelry dish, you had found at a flea market. It was home to your crystals and not your actual jewelry, with the exception of your dad’s class ring that you had borrowed and never gave back.

Everything felt empty, even your fridge. It used to be decorated with magnets from places you had visited over the years. It had to-do lists and many sticky notes with affirmations written in ink splattered handwriting.

The night you first moved into the apartment it was hell. It was your first time living alone and every little sound sent a wave of panic through you. You had to call Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook to sleep over because you wholeheartedly believed someone would break in. Eventually things got simpler and you made your spaces yours. You never thought you’d grow attached to such a place, but you spent many nights dancing with just your string lights on. Singing at the top of your lungs. And crying because you missed your parents and brother. It was your home and even though your lease was up soon. It felt strange to not renew it again.

It almost felt like you were leaving a piece of yourself behind. A piece you never knew you had discovered until now.

“Bunny, don’t cry.” Jungkook coos beside you. The pizza is long forgotten, the box thrown haphazardly to the side as he brings you into his arms. “I know it’s hard but if we are being honest here you were outgrowing this place.”

You sniff, placing your head on top of his shoulder. “I would’ve made more room.”

Jungkook chuckles, carding his hand down your back, sending shivers up your spine. “You would’ve become a crazy hoarder. There was barely any space with all the shit you had.”

“That’s mean.” You shove him lightly. After a while of silence you speak up again. “This was my home Jungkook. I knew that I was eventually going to move out but I thought it would be because I was getting married.”

“You are getting married.” He deadpans, making you shove him even harder. He laughs.

“This doesn’t count, you know it’s not real.”

Jungkook waves you off, cradling his stomach as he bends over laughing, making you roll your eyes. “I was just trying to lighten up the mood. You know you’re always welcome at my place.” He wraps his arms around your shoulders and brings you close again. “And I know things are rocky between you tweedle dee and tweedle dum. But Jimin and Taehyung will always have your back too.”

You sigh at the mention of Jimin’s name. It’s been two weeks since you last spoke to him and Taehyung. They have been ignoring your calls and texts. You’ve even thought about emailing them, but you’re well aware that neither of them have opened up their emails since college. You just hope that one day–soon–they’ll let you explain everything to them.

“I really hope so, Kookie.

Namjoon has been pacing in his living room since he woke up at four in the morning. He’s only had about four hours of sleep since he spent his entire afternoon and night clearing out his guest bedroom. It used to be his study, but he never once used it to do his work. The creaky old desk he got at a vintage shop a couple years ago was more of a showpiece. He had no issue parting ways with it. That was the easy part then came the bookshelf he once thought of using as a way to display his favorite artist books. But his research kept him occupied and he never once got around to it.

Parting ways with his books was something he never once thought he would have difficulty with. He made three piles; keep, maybe keep, give away. Everytime he put a book in the give away pile he would move it to the maybe pile and eventually the keep pile. It went on like this until midnight when he decided to abandon the task and go  to sleep. He didn’t expect his thoughts to wake him up at four in the morning. They were racing like they had some sort of urgency. And now he was wide awake in his living room with the same three piles, one overflowing more than the others.

If he had more space in his book shelves in the living room he would have no problem, but those shelves were also ones he needed to sort out. Not to mention the huge stack of to be read books occupying the space between his couch and favorite chair.

He doesn’t know how he let things get so out of hand. Though, everything seemed like a mess in his brain. Especially at this time at night. He knows if anything changed about where things were placed he would have a mental breakdown trying to look for something.

It's how things worked in his brain. It’s also probably the reason why he was unable to sleep. Now, because of his wild idea to have you move in with him. He knows things will change around his house. Apart from his vast collection of art, books and his plants, everything else in his apartment lacked any soul and emotion. He used to love coming home when he first moved in years ago, but slowly the light started to get sucked out of his place.

Subconsciously he knows that’s why he asked you to move in with him in the first place. It wasn’t his mom visiting unexpectedly or that carpooling to work would save him gas and his carbon footprint. It was because he missed coming home to something that had life.

That’s something he will never get himself to admit. Not outloud and especially not to himself. And now you’re set to arrive in fifteen minutes. He still hasn’t finished sorting out his books or done a very good job at pushing away that agonizing thought or the excitement and nerves. He’s been keeping himself occupied for hours but all he has done is wonder.

What do you look like when you go to sleep?

What do you look like when you wake up?

Do you still sleep with numerous stuffed animals?

Will you secretly place your little trinkets around his home without him noticing?

Do you eat breakfast or just have coffee?

Will you like having him around?

They’ve been moving so fast that he can’t grasp onto one. The second he brushes one off another one comes to the surface and it’s driving him insane. Sure, he doesn’t feel anything for you. Not then and certainly not now, but he is looking forward to getting to know you better. What makes you laugh and what makes you tick? Are you a stay at home person on the weekend? Or do you go out with your friends to catch up? Do you bring work home like he does? Or do you leave it all in the office and relax for the rest of the evening?

Again, these are thoughts he will never let himself admit out loud, but he has them and he just hopes they go away the second you ring his doorbell.

As if on cue, the chime brings him out of his daze. He puts down the current book he was holding–The Secret History by Donna Tartt. It’s the book you gave him for his birthday back then. You had read it about five times before giving it to him saying he would “absolutely love it.” Since then he’s read it numerous times. The paperback is fading a little bit; he's tried to get rid of it for years but for some reason he can never seem to get himself to do so.

He puts it in the keep pile and stands up. Rubbing his sweaty palms on his black cotton shorts, as he makes his way to the front door. He’s already had five cups of coffee but suddenly he feels the fatigue wash over him as soon as he puts his hand on his doorknob.

Namjoon takes a deep breath, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose and opens the door, revealing a very casual looking you. You’re wearing gray sweatpants, a black tank top with a white knitted cover up. Jungkook and his signature black on black outfit stands by your side.

This is the moment he realizes that a new chapter of his book is about to commence.

Whoever told Namjoon that living on the top floor of the highest building in the world–note exaggeration–should be held responsible for the back ache you’re surely going to be dealing with at night.

It’s taken about ten trips for you, Jungkook, Namjoon and the movers to get all of your stuff inside of Namjoon’s home. It also doesn’t help that the owner of the very bland looking home keeps barking orders to not scratch the floors and watch for the art hanging on his walls. Understandable, but he could at least be a bit nicer. After all it’s his fault you’re in this mess in the first place.

“How can someone have so much shit?” Namjoon seethes as he places your last box in his living room. It’s not even an organized mess anymore. It’s downright a mess and he is close to losing it.

Jungkook laughs, taking a well deserved break on his couch, feet on top of his black coffee table. “You should’ve seen all the shit she didn’t keep.” He says, stretching his arms up and overhead. “This isn’t even half of it. You should be thanking me for convincing her to give away all the shit she didn’t need or use and she still kept some of it.”

“Hey,” you give Jungkook a pointed stare. “Everything has its purpose, sooner or later I was going to use them.”

“You didn’t need fifty different mugs. You literally only ever used the same five. And you didn’t need all those little ceramic figurines that absolutely served no purpose.” Jungkook argues, crossing his arms in front of him. He hasn’t slept and he has you to thank because all you did during the night while you stayed at his house was pace back and forth and clean his already clean apartment.

He understands that you were nervous but you could’ve been a little quieter or you could’ve let him sleep. Instead, you woke him up to keep you company while you rambled on and on and on about how this was a horrible idea. But what was he supposed to say? Everything he wanted to tell you, he had already said. In order to avoid sounding like a broken record he just listened to you rant while moving in and out of consciousness.

“Please tell me you didn’t bring fifty mugs to my house.” Namjoon says, scrunching his eyebrows and putting his hands on his hips. You sit on the floor in front of a box labeled kitchen and open it up.

“No, just twenty five of them.”

Namjoon sighs, running a hand through his hair. This was already starting out on a bad note. He only has one mug for his coffee and it’s been very useful since he’s moved in. He forgets that even though he’s a minimalist in some ways. You’re a maximist. Your bedroom back home was proof enough.

Your desk was always filled with crap and numerous journals. Your walls had different kinds of posters and tiny strips of pictures you had taken with your friends on a night out in whatever photobooth you could find. He doesn’t want to even get into the stuffed animals or the twenty different pillows you kept on your bed when you only slept with one.

He supposes some things just never change.

“We don’t need twenty five different mugs, or–” He looks into the box he had set on the kitchen counter and sighs, “--six different pans.” He brings out a white and purple one and another one the same color just slightly bigger. Your colorful aura is already clashing with his monochrome one. He has no idea if they will mix well.

“Believe me, you say that now, but I can guarantee you that one day you’re going to be searching for a specific pan while cooking and you’re going to thank me for keeping these.” The words spill out of your mouth with confidence and he can’t help but roll his eyes. Out of spite he will do everything in his power to make sure that day never comes.

Jungkook stands up and claps his hands in front of him. “Alright idiots, I have a date in like two hours, so we either get your bed built Bunny or you sleep on this lovely couch.” He interrupts in pointing to Namjoon’s not so comfy looking couch.

You stand up, trying to keep your mouth from going agape, this was certainly a huge surprise. Jungkook simply didn’t date. “With who?” You walk to him with your hands on your hips. Namjoon and your mugs have been completely forgotten.

“With my bed.” He winks and you groan. You knew it was too good to be true. “Now, come on, I don't understand why you picked the most complicated bed frame to build. There are more screws than anything I’ve ever gotten from IKEA and as simple as they try to make the instructions it still takes me five hours to build one shelf.” He walks past you and into the hallway leading up to rooms.

“They are easy to understand, you're just an idiot.” Namjoon speaks up, and you bite your lip to keep yourself from laughing. This is how things were back then, clowning on Jungkook together. They were simple before feelings were involved, and you only wonder that if you kept your mouth shut would things still be that way.

Except you know that deep down they wouldn’t because neither of you would be in this situation. You can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Whatever the answer to that is, you don’t want to find out, even more so now.

You ignore Namjoon’s comment and follow in Jungkook’s footsteps. The last thing you want is for him to break your beloved bedframe and you end up on Namjoon’s couch until you can afford to buy a new one. It’s this moment in particular that you miss Taehyung and Jimin the most. (Though, since falling out everything made you miss them.)  It took them a full hour to assemble it together with minimal complaints. You know it would’ve taken them nothing to take it apart, but now you will never know.

Jungkook stayed true to his word and left one hour later than when he said he would. It took him and Namjoon fighting a couple of times for your bed frame to finally be complete. And during his final hour before he left on his date. He helped you move the rest of your furniture into the room, including your precious desk, armchair and the numerous boxes of clothes books and decorations you had packed.  

During this time, Namjoon had barely spoken to you, except for the occasional “pass me the (insert name of tool,)” he directed towards you. Then he disappeared into the kitchen while you instructed Jungkook on where to place your belongings. Now, the filter was gone and you were left alone in a hollowed out house with its equally hollowed out owner.

You were keeping yourself occupied with hanging up your clothes when you heard a crash followed by a curse of pain coming from the kitchen. On instinct you ran out to find Namjoon holding his foot, mumbling profanities.

You swallow, placing your hands inside the pocket of your sweatpants. “Are you okay?”

Namjoon looks up, eyes full of water as he quickly releases his foot and clears his throat. “Umm, yeah, I just dropped one of your pots on my foot.” He brushes off, proceeding to pick up the pot Jungkook claims looks like a toy and places it on the counter. “I hope you don’t mind that I started to unpack the kitchen stuff. All the boxes were kind of driving me a little crazy.” He scratches the back of his neck, then points to the empty stack of boxes by the couch.

You shake your head. “Just show me where everything is so I don’t go crazy looking for shit tomorrow morning.” You say, walking towards the kitchen and stopping once you get to the other side of the counter.

He nods, and proceeds to move around. “Mugs and cups go here.” He opens the cabinet above the stove, showing you how neatly he arranged your colorful array of mugs by color and size. “The plates are here.” He moves over one cabinet and opens it, revealing three wooden racks full of your plates and his plates. “And I put the bowls up there. I know it's hard to reach but we can get a step stool or something.” He shrugs and then moves around the counter standing beside you. “You didn’t have a lot of utensils but the ones I found I put in here.” He opens up a drawer, and as expected everything was organized as neatly as possible in one of those kitchen drawer organizers. Forks, spoons, knives and chopsticks had their own compartment. You took note as you didn’t want to mess anything up.

If you were going to be living with him until further notice. Stepping on his toes and messing with his organization was something you didn’t intend on doing.

“I was just getting started on putting the pots and pans away, also I don’t know where to put your knife set since I already have one.” He says pointing to the box containing your pastel colored set of knives. Maybe you should’ve listened to Jungkook when he said you actually didn’t need them. They were just too cute to let go.

“That’s fine.” You wave your hand, discreetly taking two steps away from him. “Do you want any help?”

Namjoon pauses for a moment after he closes the drawer. He looks at the marble countertop in front of him in thought and then you. His gaze is hardened and unreadable. A look you’ve come to familiarize yourself with in the past few days that you’ve had to spend with him. It’s one he uses when the two of you are alone. You won’t lie, it annoys you a little.

“No, that’s okay. I was just going to put them in the cabinet next to the sink.” He speaks up before rounding the corner and standing in his original spot. You nod and take a step back.

“I guess I’ll be in my room unpacking. Don’t continue dropping things on your foot.” Your attempt at a joke goes ignored as he gives you a deadpan look before focusing his attention on the pot in front of him.

It’s strange how he hasn’t continued to complain about you having so much stuff. Or how he hasn’t declined anything you brought with you. He’s simply accepted it and is finding space for it. The complete opposite of what you imagined he would do. Once again he’s rendered you speechless and  you have no idea if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

“I’ll try not to.”

It’s around two in the morning when you finally leave your new room. Namjoon’s living room–well you suppose it is now your living room too–is vacant. You let out a sigh of relief. The only reason why you left your room in the first place was because your stomach was growling and you couldn’t sleep.

You aren’t sure if Namjoon is asleep or if he’s in his room avoiding you all together. Could he really be just as childish as you? You want to believe the answer to that question is a big fat yes. But then again that’s only because you want to make yourself feel like you're not the only coward now living in this house.  

Still, he didn’t come seeking you after he briefly showed you around the kitchen. So, maybe you aren’t the only one who just doesn’t know what to say to the other person. How do you simply start a conversation without bringing up your past together?

There are so many things left unsaid. So many things that happened that night that have haunted you for years. So many things that broke down your character as everything unfolded right before your eyes. A part of you blames him for what ended up happening. Though, that’s only because it was easier to blame him than to blame yourself.

Even if your therapist and Jimin and Jungkook told you that nothing was your fault. It still felt like it was, especially because you only wanted to piss off Namjoon more than you already had. Maybe then he would finally have a reason to hate you, but again, he’s never really known what happened apart from your fight.

Nor, do you think you can tell him. In fear that he would look at you differently and put the blame on you. Just like you have done for years.

“You couldn’t sleep either?” Namjoon’s voice sounds from behind you, making you jump. You turn around meeting his piercing eyes as he makes his way into his kitchen.

“Nope, it’s a new space so everything feels weird.” You shrug, taking a seat on one of the island stools. “And I’m hungry.” You add, thinking it will somehow help your already valid reason.

Namjoon nods before opening his fridge. “I ordered chicken earlier, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted some or wanted me to bother you, but I saved you some.” He takes out the box and places it on the counter, moving around expertly before taking out one of your pans. See you knew they would come in handy. “I’ll heat it up for you.” He places it on the stove and turns the dial to a medium heat.

Your eyes grow wide as you start to get up. “You don’t have to, I can do it myself.”

Namjoon doesn’t have to face you, for you to know he’s rolled his eyes at your comment. “I don’t, but it gives me something to do. I’m not tired.” He shrugs, hovering his hand over the middle of the pan, to check if it was hot. Once he deems it hot enough he reaches over and grabs the leftover box of the chicken, dumping the sweet and sour delights into the pan.

You choose not to reply to him and instead look around. There were only a few boxes left for you to unpack, most of them being miscellaneous decoration pieces you had collected over the years. You know that as much as Namjoon didn’t mind having your kitchen ware mingle with his. You knew he wasn’t going to let you mess around with his minimalist aesthetic. Maybe you would just have to slowly find space for them. But maybe it was best that you didn’t. A couple of days ago he made it pretty clear that you weren’t something permanent in his life. So, why pretend like you were?

“Mom wanted us to go to brunch tomorrow, but I told her no. I figured you wanted to finish settling down before work on Monday.” Namjoon speaks up over the sizzling sound of the chicken.

Your head snaps to face him. “You didn’t have to do that, I could’ve finished unpacking over the week.”

Namjoon looks over at you and shakes his head. Before you can snap at him for whatever reason he speaks up. “You told me to keep in mind that you are your own person and that I can’t keep making decisions for you, and when I consider how you may feel about living things unfinished you tell me that I could’ve done the opposite of what you asked.” He reaches over and turns off the knob and turns to face you. “I don’t understand you.”

The audacity he has to spring up a decision he made like it was for your betterment is impalpable. Somehow him being somewhat considerate and listening to you, but at the same time not listening to you makes you want to scream. Instead, you close your eyes, feeling your appetite run away from you. “Yet, you just did exactly that.”

Namjoon tilts his head in confusion, taking the pan off the stove and bringing it over to where you’re sitting. “How? I did exactly what you wanted me to do. I told her no because I knew you would be tired after a whole day of moving.” He places down a heat mat and puts the pan over it.

You shake your head in disbelief. “No, you decided for me. You didn’t tell me your mother invited us over for brunch and instead told her we couldn’t go because I was going to be too tired when you don’t even know that.” You eye him as he takes out a pair of chopsticks. He stops once the words you’ve said sink in and glares at you.

“I don’t know what you want me to do? I agreed to meet you in the middle, I even agreed to your ridiculous list of demands and when I do, you say that that’s not what you wanted.” He places the chopsticks in front of you and scoffs.

You cross your arms in front of you. “But you didn’t meet me in the middle. Meeting me in the middle would be telling me that your mom invited us over and then hearing what I had to say about it. But instead you decided for me, you’re still not understanding.”

Namjoon groans, running a frustrated hand through his already messy bedhead. “Then please spell it out for me because I’m trying but you always have to fucking complicate things.”

“I’m not the one complicating things here. It’s simple, you only have to tell me things and then I’ll decide what I want or don’t want.”

Namjoon signs leaning his forearms on his marble counter, his arm veins popping out as he grips edge trying to regulate his anger. “This is exactly why?”

“Why what?” You push yourself off the chair, leaving your untouched chicken as you push in the stool.

“Why I would never marry you. You look too much into things and when someone calls you out on it you blame them. You’re just too difficult to deal with.” He says through clenched teeth.

You dig your nails into the palms of your hand. He has the nerve to throw one of your biggest insecurities back at you. It’s the reason why all of your past serious relationships have ended. Apart from the fact that they’ve always gotten bored and found someone new. It’s also the reason why your childhood best friends aren’t talking to you. You’re too much to deal with. So, why are you here in the first place?

“Then why did you come up with this whole elaborate plan?” Your voice is just above a whisper as you angrily keep yourself as composed as possible.

Namjoon pushes himself off the counter and stalks over to you. “I already told you because it’s not permanent. Trust me if my father had more time you wouldn’t be standing here.” He spits out and stops in front of you. “You’re not someone worthy of spending a life with.”

Your breath gets caught in the back of your throat as you blink back tears. This shouldn’t be affecting you as much as it is.  Especially because it’s something he’s hinted at since he first proposed the plan to you. But for some reason it does, especially his last comment. He knows that one of your biggest dreams is to get married and start a family. He also knows that all your previous partners have left you for the same reason. And he also knows that it will hurt you if he keeps repeating it. Almost as if he believes that you don’t understand how serious he is about keeping you as a temporary placement in his life.

Back then you would’ve yelled and cried. Yet, that girl was broken down and replaced as quickly as it took him to leave you and all the memories you shared together behind. So, you stand your ground, burning holes into his dragon like eyes and say, “Trust me when I say that you’re the person I hate the most in this world. That I might be difficult but you’re impossible. Your head is so big that you can’t see that the reason why you can’t seem to keep anyone around is because you push them away thinking you’re better than everyone else. It’s the reason why you might keep the money from your dad’s will but also the reason why you will end up alone.”

When you finish you can tell he’s taken your words to heart, that much you know from the fire burning behind his perfect brown eyes. Instead of responding he does the one thing you never expected him to do.

He kisses you.

a/n: lol I’m sorry. 

[kckt88]

Take My Breath Away X.

Summary:

Vaeryna and Aemond come to an understanding and another babe is born.

Warning(s): Mini Time Skip, Language, Anger, Misunderstandings, Aegon's Inuendo, Child Birth.

Word Count: 3216

A.N - BIT OF A FILLER CHAPTER BEFORE A TIME SKIP!!

GREENS WIN - ENEMIES TO LOVERS.

Tag List - @a-beaverhausen, @ammo23, @immyowndefender, @watercolorskyy, @toodlesxcuddles

Smut scene from Dynasty has been reused.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon or Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used.

Comments, likes, and reblogs are very much appreciated.

It was glorious, an entire week spent with his wife and son.

The peace and serenity of Dragonstone had relaxed him beyond belief.

As well as making up for lost time with Rhaegar, Aemond never missed an opportunity to get between his wife’s soft thighs.

He was determined to make up for the time he'd lost and Vaeryna was more than happy to accept his efforts.

The time with Vaeryna and Rhaegar had made Aemond realise just how important his wife and son were and he vowed to make changes upon their return to Kings Landing.

Changes that began almost immediately after they had landed.

Aemond refused point blank to attend more council meetings than necessary and the ones he did attend, he insisted that they ended at an appropriate time.

When the other council members grumbled at his behaviour, he gently reminded them that he rode the largest dragon in the world and any such complaints could be made in her presence.

Needless to say, the complaints did eventually quieten down after that, but Aegon was still furious with Vaeryna for taking Rhaegar and running off, so she had to apologise, which she wasn’t very happy about, but in order to keep the peace she eventually conceded.

Of course, a few weeks after their return to the Red Keep, Vaeryna discovered that she was with child again and Aegon’s anger towards her was all but forgotten, the King was clearly excited by the prospect of another child, as was Alicent who smiled and congratulated them both.

There was a slight panic as Rhaegar hadn’t celebrated his first name day yet, but Aemond was on hand to assuage any fears his wife might have had, even though he harboured his own fears surrounding Vaeryna birthing their babe, given the complications she had when birthing Rhaegar.

But Aemond would never let those fears become known, he would keep them to himself and pray to the gods every night that his wife would be ok.

The one who was the most excited was Jaehaera, she spent hours lovingly sewing a blanket for her cousin.

“Do you think she’ll like it?” asked Jaehaera.

“I’m sure she’ll love it” replied Vaeryna.

“Uncle Aemy wants to call her Alissa, don’t let him” whispered Jaehaera.

“What shall I call her?” questioned Vaeryna as she stroked her slightly swollen stomach.

“Daenerys” said Jaehaera.

“That’s very pretty”.

“The boy in the snow will think so too” muttered Jaehaera.

“Do you know something?” asked Vaeryna looking around cautiously.

“Daenerys will be his way home” murmured Jaehaera.

“Such a thing is not possible” said Vaeryna.

“All things are possible auntie Ryna. Egg will return and Daenerys will help him”.

Vaeryna studied Jaehaera for a moment before nodding and resuming her reading, her niece had been right about Rhaegar, so could she be right about Aegon, was there a way for him to come back and if so, when?

“You’ll know” whispered Jaehaera.

“What?” exclaimed Vaeryna.

“When the time is right for Egg to come back, you just need to be patient” said Jaehaera.

Vaeryna nodded wordlessly and as she caught sight of Aemond approaching.

“The little fiend in there has the audacity to kick her father in the face” laughed Aemond as he rested his head against Vaeryna’s swollen stomach.

“Probably a warning for all the trouble she’ll cause in the future”.

“If she’s anything like her mother of course” said Aemond smiling.

“Hey, I’m not that bad am I” muttered Vaeryna pouting slightly.

“I suppose not, but at least you’ve ceased your relentless teasing about Alys” whispered Aemond.

“Not much left to tease you with, as I don’t think my father convincing her to seduce you-“

“What?” asked Aemond his singular eye boring into hers.

“Oh, I didn’t tell you about that did I?” said Vaeryna grimacing.

“No, you did not” retorted Aemond.

“Didn’t really seem all that important” said Vaeryna sheepishly.

“So, your saying everything I had with Alys was-“

“-A set up? Well, in the beginning it was, I don’t know-she could have developed genuine feelings for you eventually” said Vaeryna quickly.

“All that time I spent with her was fake” muttered Aemond.

“Look, don’t take it personally. Alys just did what she had to in order to survive. Granted I never liked the woman, but you have to admit she was good at what she did” replied Vaeryna.

“You almost sound like you admire her”.

“I admired her tenacity” replied Vaeryna softly.

“I don’t suppose it matters now that she’s dead”.

“-And if she wasn’t?” asked Vaeryna.

“I would kill her myself, she lied to me, seduced me and being involved with her only caused my own embarrassment” said Aemond.

“You’re a man, people generally tend to look the other way when it comes to men seeking the company of whores” said Vaeryna.

“Is that what you think?”

“It’s what I know, a woman cannot go and enjoy the pleasures of a man without being labelled. Look at my mother, she was forced into a marriage with Laenor to salvage the crowns relationship with the Velaryon’s after Viserys spurned Laena in favour of a marriage to your mother” replied Vaeryna.

“I just-“

“-My mother and Laenor did try to have children, but it was fruitless. She was expected to have more children, to further her line and as my father was across the narrow sea, her options were severely limited” replied Vaeryna.

“But her choice could have been better” muttered Aemond.

“Possibly, but who else would she have trusted with such a thing, Harwin was devoted to her and he loved her the way she deserved to be loved, mayhaps Viserys should have granted Daemon’s request-“

“-His request?” questioned Aemond.

“He once told me that he asked Viserys for my mother’s hand in marriage, but he was denied, of course he was still married to Rhea Royce at the time, but can you imagine how different things would have been” mused Vaeryna.

“We can imagine, but we will never truly know” replied Aemond as he ran a hand over Vaeryna’s round stomach.

“The incompetence of Kings” muttered Vaeryna.

Aemond closed his eye and pressed his face against the curve of his wife’s belly, he inhaled her sweet lavender scent and sighed, as he couldn’t ignore the feeling of uncertainty swirling in the pit of his stomach.

“Do you regret the choices we’ve made?”

“My choice led me to my children; I do not regret that” replied Vaeryna.

“Oh” whispered Aemond.

“-And even though there was a time where I thought you to be loathsome cunt, I do not regret you” said Vaeryna smiling.

As carefully as he could, Aemond surged forward and pressed his lips against hers.

Vaeryna sighed contentedly into the kiss and rested her forehead against Aemonds.

As fearsome as he was, there were times when Aemond seemed quite vulnerable and clingy, he would consistently seek her touch and he also had this inherent need to know that she loved him.

Which given his upbring was understandable, Vaeryna had grown up in a very loving and consistent environment, whereas Aemond hadn’t and that deeply saddened Vaeryna.

“Mamamama” squealed Rhaegar.

“Somebodies awake” laughed Vaeryna.

“Dadadada” shouted Rhaegar.

“You relax, I’ll get him” said Aemond.

“Gods this child is giving me a right kicking” exclaimed Vaeryna wincing as she placed a hand on her stomach.

“Babababa” shouted Rhaegar he jostled excitedly in his father’s arms.

“Settle down my sweet boy” muttered Vaeryna as Aemond placed a squirming Rhaegar on the bed.

“Rhaegar, listen to your mother” said Aemond sternly as he watched Rhaegar bounce on the bed.

“No dada” exclaimed Rhaegar frowning.

“Please Rhaegar-“ said Vaeryna as she suddenly lurched forward and threw up.

“-Gods Vaeryna are you ok?” asked Aemond.

“I just-oh not again-“ gasped Vaeryna as she threw up again.

“Mamamama” urged Rhaegar.

“I’m getting the Maester-Ser Arryk would you take Rhaegar to the nursery and watch over him until Marlena arrives”.

“Yes, My Prince-Come on little one” said Ser Arryk as he took Rhaegar by the hand and led him out of the room.

“I’ll get Munkun, just stay here until I get back” said Aemond softly.

“Not like I’ve got anywhere to go” muttered Vaeryna as she placed a hand on her head.

“Hm” muttered Aemond as he rushed out of the room and reappeared several minutes later with Maester Munkun and a maid.

“Apologise for the mess Ellen” said Vaeryna softly.

“Tis no trouble Princess” replied Ellen as she began to clean up.

“Aside from the sickness, do you have any other symptoms?” asked Maester Munkun.

“No” replied Vaeryna.

“The babe is very active indeed” muttered Munkun as he gently prodded and poked Vaeryna’s swollen stomach.

“No kidding” exclaimed Vaeryna her stomach lurching again.

“I think I see the issue, with the babe being so active, the regular movements are upsetting your stomach” said Munkun.

“Oh” muttered Vaeryna.

“Do you consume a lot of sugary food by any chance?”

“She eats a lot of honey cakes if that’s what you mean” said Aemond folding his arms across his chest.

“That might be what is causing the babe to be so active, as there is a lot of sugar in honey cakes” replied Munkun.

“But I have a craving for them Maester” gasped Vaeryna.

“Mayhaps you could limit the amount of honey cakes you consume” suggested Munkun.

“-Or mayhaps I should feed you to my dragon” muttered Vaeryna.

“Vaeryna” scolded Aemond.

“It’s quite alright my Prince, a mother heavy with child is more ferocious than any dragon”.

“But what am I to do if I cannot have my cakes, I can’t stop thinking about them and it unsettles me most nights” said Vaeryna, ignoring Aemond who looked bewildered.

“I merely suggest that you limit your intake of sugar Princess, I understand the cravings of mothers can be overwhelming, but we need to consider your health and not just the babe”.

“Yes Maester” muttered Vaeryna suddenly becoming very sullen.

“I shall make sure she adheres to your advice Maester” said Aemond sternly.

“I’m not suggesting she doesn’t have any cake at all, mayhaps limit the amount”.

Aemond’s eye narrowed as he spotted Vaeryna’s lip wobbling.

“Thank you Maester that will be all” said Aemond.

Once the Maester had left Aemond braced himself for the vitriol his wife was no doubt about to spew forth in his direction.

But when he turned around, he was aghast when he spotted the tears rolling down Vaeryna’s face.

“My love-“ said Aemond gently.

Vaeryna wiped the tears off her face and slowly climbed off the bed, she didn’t say a word as she walked past Aemond and left their chambers, ignoring her husband as he frantically called her name.

It was one of those rare moments where Aegon could enjoy the peace and quiet, being King didn’t afford him much privacy so he could only snatch brief moments here and there.

But as he sat in the garden, he heard the faint sound of crying, at first, he thought it was Jaehaera as she the propensity to hide away and cry for her mother from time to time, but it wasn’t his daughter that he came across, it was his good sister hiding in one of the bushes.

“What’s wrong?” asked Aegon as he sat on the ground next to Vaeryna.

“H-He thinks I’m a fat pig” wailed Vaeryna.

“Who does?”

“Aemond” sobbed Vaeryna as she pressed her face into Aegon’s shoulder.

“I’m sure he doesn’t” replied Aegon awkwardly as he patted Vaeryna on the head.

“T-The Maester said I eat too much cake and the sugar is making the babe too active and he-he said he would limit my cake- “ shrieked Vaeryna.

“-Your crying because of cake?” asked Aegon perplexed.

“Oh, so you think I’m a fat pig too” snapped Vaeryna.

“N-No I never said those words, I was just curious as to why you were crying and-oh gods I’m making a right mess of this aren’t I” replied Aegon.

“It’s his fault in the first place”.

“Who? Aemonds?” asked Aegon.

“Yes, he was the one who got me with child, damn him and his big cock”.

“I mean he is very gifted in that department, I’m rather envious of you” said Aegon.

“Wait. What?” exclaimed Vaeryna wiping the snot on her sleeve.

“Oh it’s not what you think my brother is far too much of a prude for that sort of thing, but-“

“-His involvement with Alys suggests otherwise” muttered Vaeryna.

“Sticking his cock in an old whores dusty cunny doesn’t mean shit, my brother has only fucked three women in his life, not exactly anything to brag about” said Aegon firmly.

“As opposed to the hundreds you’ve bedded” quipped Vaeryna.

“Those were the glory days, but yes I’ve experienced my fair share of pleasure with males and females” said Aegon.

“Does your pious mother know of your indulgences with men?” asked Vaeryna.

“Gods no, she’d likely have a heart attack if she knew”.

“-And your little crush on Aemond?” said Vaeryna smirking, her upset with her husband long forgotten.

“I wouldn’t call it a crush, more of a curiosity. I always wondered what it would be like to have my brother at my mercy”.

“Oh, it’s quite satisfactory, especially when he begs” replied Vaeryna smirking.

“Good sister do not spare any details. Tell me how you make my brother beg”.

Aegon was as giddy as a small child, practically foaming at the mouth wanting to hear all the juicy details.

"You only want me to tell you so you can tease him"

"Would I?" laughed Aegon.

"Yes you would, but then again I'm sure Aemond would spontaneously combust if he knew of your-curiosity".

"Oh he would either levy some insult upon me or skin me alive" replied Aegon shrugging.

"Would you fuck him if he allowed it?" asked Vaeryna.

"My brother would never allow such a thing to occur, but on the off chance he agreed, I wouldn't say no, but it would be him doing the fucking if I'm totally honest" said Aegon.

"Interesting" mused Vaeryna suddenly feeling warm and fuzzy at the thought of Aemond and Aegon together.

"Indeed, so tell me how does my brother beg?"

“He’s very fond of my mouth on his-“ muttered Vaeryna

“-Vaeryna” said Aemond.

“You’ve got to be kidding me” exclaimed Aegon.

“Maybe next time Your Grace” replied Vaeryna.

“Vaeryna, where are you?”

“Don’t you dare-“ quipped Vaeryna.

“-She’s here” said Aegon smirking.

“Traitor” snapped Vaeryna.

“Are you hiding in the bushes?” asked Aemond.

“Obviously” muttered Vaeryna.

Aemond’s eye narrowed when he caught sight of Vaeryna resting her head on Aegon’s shoulder.

“My doesn’t this look cozy”.

“Get your head out your arse, I was here first and Aegon found me” said Vaeryna.

“Tis true brother, your wife was upset, I was merely providing comfort” replied Aegon as he stood up and dusted himself off.

“Hm” muttered Aemond as he sat next to Vaeryna who scowled.

“I’ll leave you to it” said Aegon as he walked out of the gardens.

“Do you want to tell me why your hiding in the bushes?” asked Aemond.

“Go away” snapped Vaeryna.

“Not until you tell me why your so upset” replied Aemond.

“Get lost” muttered Vaeryna her eyes filling with tears again.

“Please my love” begged Aemond as he gently placed a hand on Vaeryna’s shoulder, only for her to shrug him off.

“You’re a horrid man Aemond Targaryen” snarled Vaeryna as she tried to get up but couldn’t.

“Do you need help?” asked Aemond trying to stifle a smirk.

“I can do it” said Vaeryna as she struggled.

“Just give me your hand” said Aemond as he stood up and held his hand out to Vaeryna who slapped it away.

“Leave me alone” said Vaeryna, tears of frustration running down her face.

“Just let me help you”.

“Fine” snarked Vaeryna as she took Aemond’s hand and allowed him to help her stand up.

“Now are you going to talk to me?”

“NO” shouted Vaeryna as she turned away from Aemond and furiously wiped away her tears.

“Why are you being so difficult?”

“It’s your fault” replied Vaeryna wincing slightly as a sharp pain throbbed across her stomach.

“What?”

“You think I’m a pig” snapped Vaeryna.

“No, I don’t” exclaimed Aemond.

“Yes you do, you think I eat too many cakes and-“

“Is that what all of this is about? My love please believe me when I say you are not a pig, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen” replied Aemond softly.

“Your just saying that” breathed Vaeryna as another pain lanced across her stomach.

“Because it’s true, you are my heart and soul” muttered Aemond as he seized his chance and placed a gentle kiss on Vaeryna’s forehead.

“I-I’m sorry”.

“It’s ok my love; I understand things are a little delicate at the moment” said Aemond.

“I don’t even really like honey cakes” confessed Vaeryna as she wrapped her arms around Aemond’s waist.

Aemond let out a little chuckle as he placed a hand under Vaeryna’s chin and gently manoeuvred her face so his lips could meet hers.

As the kiss deepened Vaeryna gasped as she felt something warm and wet run down her legs.

“What’s wrong?” asked Aemond as he watched his wife frantically lifting her skirts and placing a hand between her legs.

“T-The babe is coming” exclaimed Vaeryna.

“That’s it Princess, keep pushing” encouraged Maester Munkun.

“AEMOND!” screamed Vaeryna.

“I’m here my sweet” replied Aemond.

“I-I can’t do this, it’s too soon” cried Vaeryna.

“Yes, you can” exclaimed Aemond as he climbed onto the bed at sat behind Vaeryna.

“W-What are you doing?” muttered Vaeryna.

“Lean against me and take my hands” urged Aemond as he sat Vaeryna between his open legs.

“A-Aemond” gasped Vaeryna.

“Now, you squeeze my hands as hard as you like” said Aemond.

Vaeryna was sweaty and exhausted, but she took a deep breath and as the next contraction ripped across her stomach, she pushed.

“FUCK!”

"Keep going my sweet you’re doing great" said Aemond.

"I'M GOING TO CUT YOUR COCK OFF!" screamed Vaeryna.

"Oh, my love, surely you don't mean that".

"I do. This is ALL your fault,” cried Vaeryna.

"I seem to recall that you were a willing participant in our love making, if not the instigator on several occasions my love" replied Aemond.

"Not even remotely funny" yelled Vaeryna.

"Another push Princess" 

“I swear if you say push one more time. I'll feed you too my Cannibal” snarled Vaeryna.

“The head is out Princess, but I need you to stop pushing. The cord is wrapped around the babe’s neck” exclaimed Maester Munkun.

“W-What” cried Vaeryna in alarm.

“It’s ok. Issa dōna ābrazȳrys. Just breathe” said Aemond (My sweet wife).

After a few moments, the Maester had managed to cut the cord from the babe’s neck and with a wet squelch the babe arrived.

A loud shrieking cry echoed around the room.

“A daughter, Princess” declared the Maester.

Vaeryna all but snatched the crying babe away from Maester Munkun and sobbed.

“T-Thank you Maester” breathed Vaeryna, the tears streaming down her face.

“Your welcome Princess” replied maester Munkun.

“I-Is she ok?” asked Vaeryna.

“She’s absolutely fine” said Maester Munkun smiling.

“S-She’s ok. Aemond, look” gasped Vaeryna.

Aemond who’s face had been buried in Vaeryna’s shoulder, let out a sob as he gazed at his crying daughter.

“My daughter” gasped Aemond.

“She’s beautiful” sobbed Vaeryna as she stroked her daughter’s head.

“What shall we call her?” asked Aemond.

“Daenerys” whispered Vaeryna.

“A perfect name. For a perfect little girl”

“So perfect” whispered Vaeryna.

“I’m so proud of you Issa prūmia” (my heart).

“I love you” muttered Vaeryna.

“-And I love you. My sweet perfect wife.” praised Aemond as he nuzzled Vaeryna’s neck.

“Would you like you hold your daughter?”

“Please” whispered Aemond as he manoeuvred himself away from Vaeryna and climbed off the bed.

Aemond cried openly when his wife placed their tiny babe in his arms.

“A-Are you ok?” asked Vaeryna her voice laced with concern.

Aemond nodded meekly as his gaze never leaving his precious daughter.

[p0orbaby]

Psalm 41:9

Summary - Tony has suspicions about what happened that fateful night.

Warnings - Some medical talk, language, mentions of drugs and od

Authors note - not me taking months just to post a filler chapter…

Word count - 2k

Navigation | Series Masterlist | W.M Masterlist

The sky was a bruised purple. Dark waves slashed open by pink and blue and orange. It was both eerie and beautiful at once. Wanda pondered briefly, as she stared at the world outside through the window and past her own reflection, if it was an echo of her current situation.

Her friends had all but betrayed her trust. You had abandoned her. Yet she’s gained two precious children. The beings that made up for everything terrible happening right now. They’ve forced her to see that there’s light even at the end of the darkest tunnels.

Though life was rarely fair. Happiness was a luxury. She knew that now, turning to look at you. Beeping machines caging you in. She just needed to figure out if all the pain was worth it in the end. And it was a hard decision to make when the person she would choose to lean on in times like this was the product of her worries. A body hooked to medical devices. Still and pale and half the person you were the last time she saw you.

She sighed in defeat. Slowly sinking herself into the chair Tony gratefully vacated for her. Teary eyes scanning over you, chest heaving with irritation and guilt and everything else that came along with having your spouse in hospital.

Fuck.

How could you be so stupid? After all this time, to slip and have everything you've built together crumble before her eyes. Like a cliff edge disappearing into the choppy sea after years of holding on. Was that what you did? Held on. Grappled for so long you caved and followed what you desired. Corroded with time.

She thought therapy was helping. The two of you were in a good position. Things were healthy. Or so she was led to believe.

Perhaps she was the stupid one after all.

-

The fresh air helped him get clarity.

Deep breaths and pacing were the foundations of Tony Stark's relatively stable mind.

Wanda had come to see you so he thought best to give her some alone time. She looked tired. Understandable after giving birth. Angry from being told you’d overdosed. Disappointed. Alone.

It was a shock to everyone. Sure you’d had your problems. You’d been dealt a hard life, but Wanda and her patience had really turned you around. So to get a call from Natasha to say you’d been admitted for drugs was not something he’d have ever expected. Not anymore. Not at this point in your life.

Which is what didn’t sit right with him.

How it seemingly went from zero to sixty in one night.

He thought about what could’ve happened as he used the toe of his shoe to kick stray stones along the path of the hospital gardens. It couldn’t have been work stress because you were on leave. Strict Instructions from him and Maria to stay away from anything company related. You’d not fallen out with Wanda from what he knew. Or Natasha, Bucky or himself. You’d been to see Clint on the farm a few weeks back and he’d given sound reports. Therapy was going well. Nothing at all out of the ordinary.

His mind was drawing a blank. Tony Stark had finally been stumped. It unsettled him.

-

A sudden ringing from beside him made him jump. He wasn’t expecting any calls, opting to take a few days to spend with Peggy upstate. But alas, as the sun was setting and the sky turned to ink, Steve’s phone vibrated next to him as they both laid lazily on the couch.

He slipped from beneath his wife with an apologetic look, but she just waved him off with a wink, laying her head back down. “Hey Tony, what’s up?”

“Oh nothing much, scouting the hospital grounds, critiquing the canteen food. Terrible by the way, I wouldn’t recommend it. How’s your pit stop trip going? Peggy making you run around for her I hope”

“Fine, good. Tony, you know I like talking to you right? But now's not a good-“

“I know I’m sorry. I am, but it’s important. It’s about Y/N”

“Tony-“

“Y/N’s overdosed. She’s in hospital.

Before your start it’s nothing major, in theory. The doctors are keeping her under for observation”

“Shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t know”

Steve walked to the sliding back door and stepped out onto the patio. The small lake behind the garden fence glimmered in what little light the evening provided. The moon just about peaking through the curtains of velvet sky. Reflecting halos on the rippling water.

“No sweat. She’ll pull through. She always does”

“Well if there's anything I can do to help then don’t hesitate to ask”, Steve offered, chest tightening slightly at the thought of you in a hospital bed.

“There was one thing actually. You can say no, but I’d be really grateful if you could help me out”

By the tone of his friend's words, Steve knew that it wouldn’t be as simple as just picking him some fresh clothes or collecting Morgan up from school. He took a deep breath before letting Tony continue.

“No one can find her phone. We don’t know where she went last night. There’s nothing online about anything either”

Steve knew where Tony was going with this. All he could do was let out a sigh. Run his hand over his face. Lean against the railing of the terrace.

“Tone, I can’t go digging up information on a case that doesn’t exist. Police resources aren’t used like that”

“What if I make it a case? I can file a report about excessive drug activity in the city. Or I could go to the mayor…”

Just hearing his friend ramble on upset him. His plans wouldn’t go anywhere. Of course authorities knew about the drug problem. There’s just too much to do to stop it. And the mayor will just laugh in his face. Tell him to keep his nose out of places it doesn’t belong. Stark or not, he didn’t listen to anyone.

“Tony stop. Okay just, slow down, alright. I’ll help. But it has to be under wraps. No tv. No papers. Nothing. I’m not having a repeat of last time”

“Yes, thank you. No, I get it. I’ll be quiet, I swear. I just want you to find her phone and see where she was last night. Maybe find her on CCTV or something”

Steve’s eye caught something in his periphery. It was Peggy leaning against the frame of the sliding door in her robe. She must’ve overheard some of the conversation because the look on her face was one Steve hated. Disappointment. Worry.

“I promise. I won’t even tell Pepper. Well I might have to but she-“

“Goodnight Tony. I’ll talk to you soon” was all Steve said before he hung up. Flinging his phone onto the patio furniture with a bounce.

“Duty calls?” Peggy asked, reaching out for Steve’s hands to pull him back inside.

All Steve did was nod and wonder why he let himself get dragged into these situations.

-

Bucky was sitting on the edge of the bed when Natasha walked out of the bathroom, towel in hand, drying her hair from the shower.

“Everything alright?” She asked when she noticed him running his hands through his hair. Leaving an unruly mess in its wake.

“Tony’s asked Steve to help him find out some details about the night Y/N was admitted”. His voice was gravelly, laced with tiredness and something else she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“That’s good isn’t it? That they’ve found something concrete enough to get the police involved”. Her back was turned to him as she placed her dirty clothes in the laundry basket and rummaged around her dresser for something to wear. But even facing away from him, she could feel the tension radiating from his broad frame behind her.

“No, they’ve not found anything. Steve’s doing it under the table”

His voice muffled slightly as she pulled one of his old T-shirts over her head. “Oh, right. Well if Steve has agreed then there must be some validity to it. All of this, with Y/N I mean, is out of the blue even with her history. Just last week she said-“

“Steve’s asked me if I can help him”. Natasha tried to make her shock as invisible as possible, but Bucky’s eyes met hers when she spun around and sucked in a harsh, involuntary breath.

“Buck”

“I know what you’re going to say, and I want to tell him I can’t. But it’s Steve, and he wouldn’t agree to do this for no reason. Y/N’s our friend, we have to help somehow”

“Not like this though Bucky. You can’t be starting all this again, you’ve just about gotten over what happened on deployment. And then we’ve got our own plans on top of that. Starting a family-“

“What the fuck am I supposed to do? Say no and have him do it alone?”

“Took the words right out of my mouth”

Bucky stood from where he was perched to pace around the room in frustration. “You know that’s not an option, Nat”

“And why not? Why can’t we just accept that what’s happened was a massive slip up? That Y/N needs medical help, people to support her. Not my husband playing vigilante to look for something that probably isn’t there”

“She’s our friend,” he countered.

“And you almost got killed the last time you followed someone into the firing line”

“That was different and you know it. How can you compare what happened out there with this? We’re not in some foreign desert, Natalia”

Bucky looked wild. An animal back into a corner.

Defenses raised and ready to pounce. She shouldn’t have mentioned the war, but she needs him to see that what he’s planning to do is dangerous. Stupid even. But now defusing the situation was probably her best bet.

“Bucky, please take some time to think about this. We’ll talk about it all properly tomorrow. Just, come to bed. Get some sleep, we’ve had a long day”

She reached an arm out towards him, palm facing upwards ready for him to take a hold of, but all he did was walk past her. Pushing her hand out of his path as he headed to the bedroom door.

“I’m going to sleep in the guest room” was all he said before the door clicked behind him. Leaving Natasha alone in the soft glow of the lamp on her nightstand.

-

“Is it done?”

The voice was tinny over the phone. Crackling and quite as if they were headed through a tunnel.

“Yeah, it’s done. Left her in the alley at the back of the building. Doubt anyone got to her in time”

A door slammed in the background. Footsteps tapping on what sounded to be a gravel path.

“Good. I’m presuming you want the rest of your payment?”

“Well, I didn’t just kill someone for free now did I? I can meet you at the same spot as last time”.

“Sarcasm doesn’t look good on you, my dear”.

keys turning in a lock. Hushed voices covered by a palm over the reviver. “We’ll give you a call in a few days. But it’ll be a drop off, meeting last time was risky”

“Sure, but if it’s not there, I’m not going to be very happy. I can’t stick around here for too long”

There was a scoff and a chuckle before they answered, “sweetheart, you’ll get it when we decide to give it to you”, then the line was dead. A monotone beep filled the room. Phone bouncing off the mattress on the floor as it’s thrown with a sigh.

The stars that blinked languidly over the city bore witness to the shattered shards of a dangerous puzzle.

Across the city, wife, brother, friends and foe, all vital parts in a game none of them knew they were playing.

While you laid there, dragging your way through the fog. Looking for a break in the clouds.

Taglist

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[thebaldursmouthgazette]

Okay so I’ve finished the game, here’s my spoiler free review:

This is possibly the best game I’ve ever played and I’m not kidding. Sure it has flaws, but they’re all fairly small and are vastly overshadowed by the quality of the game as a whole

The pacing is a little weird right at the beginning while everything gets introduced, but this settles down quickly and once it does it’s perfect for the rest of the game.

The stakes feel as high as they should, fighting gods. It feels like a challenge and never stops feeling like a challenge, and that makes your wins so much more satisfying

Your team is a team, and they’re as close to each other as they are to you. They aren’t just people all in the same place whos only connection is you, they help with each others personal quests, they have conversations in the lighthouse, they form meaningful connections with each other and your allies. They feel like real people and a cohesive team.

The side quests aren’t filler. Almost all of them are of vital importance either to the main plot or to your allies who are helping you. They all feel like they’re important enough to do while you’re dealing with the main story. I never once thought “why am I doing this shit, the worlds ending” and I don’t think I’d feel any desire to skip them on future playthroughs

You feel part of your faction. There are a couple of instances where I felt a little more reactivity to that would be good (I’m talking like maybe two times where they clearly didn’t bother to record an almost identical line to account for me being a part of the faction, nothing important), but for the most part you feel part of it and it really gives you a grounding in the world.

The emotional beats hit hard. There was a part where I actually sobbed. And I am not exaggerating. I do not mean I was a little sad. I mean I went through multiple tissues and had to have a break for a moment. I have never outright sobbed at a video game before

There were a few things that could have been better, I think a couple more choices should have carried over (though not as many as I thought before. I mean it would be nice, but not necessarily needed and the improvement wouldn’t necessarily justify the hassle of a whole worldstate system) but the absence of them wasn’t game ruining.

One of the character storylines felt a bit out of place, and another made a somewhat bizarre plot decision, but the rest were really good.

I also feel like the characterisation of the inquisitor could have been better, and I know it was never going to be right because BioWare can’t read our minds and make a game for each individual, but I did at one point start questioning if I’d set my world state up right because of what my inquisitor was saying (I had). But again this wasn’t game ruining, I can just pretend she said something else.

Despite a few very nitpicky problems, overall this was a really amazing game. I enjoyed every moment of it, and it was not the solavellan game I was worried it would be. Just about every criticism people had of inquisition they listened to and solved, from the villain being too weak to the filler “gather these shards” and “save a druffalo” quests being a bane on everyone’s existence. They took that all in and made a really strong game with it.

Also: you know when they kept dropping earth shattering revelations and called them “minor spoilers”. They were right. Holy shit were they right.

[artiststarme]

What If Steve Were To Leave Hawkins? Part 12

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

This part is mostly just a filler but still fits as part of the story. I worked a 14 hour shift today but wanted to make sure I posted something to keep my everyday posting streak going. So here is an average day in the life of Steve and Eddie, enjoy! The angst will continue tomorrow, I promise.

~*~*~*~

After an amazing several days in the city for the boys, Steve had to go back to work. The coffee shop renovations were completed and Betty was eager to get back to business. He was worried that Eddie would be disappointed at the upcoming mundanity after all the fun they had been having. Over the course of the past few days, Eddie and Steve had seen all the touristy sights they could. Steve took him to the Skydeck at Sears Tower, Shedd Aquarium, the ferris wheel at Navy Pier, Lincoln Park Zoo, and all of the iconic restaurants that he thought Eddie might enjoy. And he did enjoy it. Eddie was having the time of his life, as was Steve. And it wasn’t even just the fun activities that were making them so happy. It was spending time together and learning more about each other that was making them so joyful.

However, their fun had to come to an end eventually. Steve’s shift started at 6 AM when the coffee shop opened and he knew it would feel longer than usual with Eddie waiting for him to finish. From 6 AM to 9 AM, the hours seemed never ending. All Steve wanted to do was go back to his comfortable bed and cuddle with his boyfriend. But instead, he had to deal with increasingly difficult coffee orders from middle-aged customers. 

His mood lightened considerably once Eddie stumbled downstairs from his apartment and took a seat at one of the tables facing Steve at the counter. He grinned at Steve and gave him a cheerful wave. His hair was untamed and he was wearing Steve’s only black shirt along with a pair of blue jeans. Steve doesn’t think he’s ever looked better. He waited for a break in the amount of customers before making Eddie a coffee, black with more sugar than coffee. Just how he liked it. 

Steve carried it over to him at the table and affectionately pat his shoulder, “Good morning, Eds. What’re you doing?”

Eddie leaned further into Steve’s touch as he took a sip of the coffee and sighed in contentment at the taste. “Mmmm, this is great. 10 out of 10, the best coffee I’ve ever had, thanks babe,” he said before taking another sip. “I’m working on some song lyrics. I had an idea for a new song.”

“Well, I can’t wait to hear it,” Steve murmured before looking at the corner. He saw a few people walking in and sighed, “I have to go but I’ll come back over when it slows back down.”

“No worries, Stevie. I’m fine sitting here, watching my man at work. Go forth and make their brews, barmaid!”

Steve rolled his eyes at his theatrics and raked a hand teasingly through the mop Eddie called hair. He listened to Eddie’s squawk of protest as he went back to work.

Steve knew he loved this job but it had never felt as right as it did just then. Eddie sat in the shop for the entirety of Steve’s shift, smiling whenever they made eye contact and occasionally wandering up to the counter when his coffee cup ran dry. He looked slightly misplaced in the small coffee shop amongst the businesspeople and college students, being the only metalhead present, but Steve wouldn’t have it any other way. He loved looking past

whichever customer he was serving to see Eddie scribbling song lyrics furiously into his notebook with his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth as he concentrated. 

Steve was even happier though when his shift ended and he could spare Eddie all of his attention. He had some ideas for what he and Eddie could do once his shift was over at 3 PM but he desperately needed a shower to wash off the sticky smell of coffee. “Hey Eds, let me take a shower really quick and then we can do some more exploring, okay? Didn’t you want to check out some bar tonight?”

Eddie rolled his eyes in fond exasperation, “it’s not just ‘some bar’, Stevie. It’s a gay bar. And your first one so I think we should go. If you’re cool with it.”

Steve looked at him unimpressed. “Why wouldn’t I be cool with it? I’m dating you, aren’t I? We can go tonight.” 

He pecked Eddie on the lips before grabbing a clean towel and walking into the bathroom. He wanted to look good tonight if he was going to show Eddie off. 

~*~*~*~

Eddie decided to call Uncle Wayne once they returned to the apartment. He had some time to kill while Steve got ready and it had been a couple of days since he had spoken to the man. With a glance to his watch, he nodded and made the call. He knew that Wayne would be heading to his overnight shift at the plant soon but they should have enough time to chat briefly. 

“Munson residence, how can I help you?”

Eddie chuckled at such a formal greeting coming from such an informal man, “My god, you answer the phone like a butler. Uncle Wayne, how are things?”

The bored inflection in his tone disappeared once he realized it was Eddie on the line. “Hey son, I’m alright. How’re you liking it in the city?”

Eddie looked at the bathroom door to ensure Steve couldn’t hear him. He could hear the water going still and the muffled sound of Steve singing some Wham! song. Jesus Christ. 

“I really like it here, Wayne. Steve’s been amazing and it’s the total opposite of Hawkins. No one even looks at me twice. I think… I think I’d like to stay here.” Eddie whispered into the phone’s receiver. 

Wayne was quiet for a moment but when he spoke he was confident. “Look Eddie, I know you’ve never had it easy here. You’ve always been meant for more than this town. If ya like it in Chicago and ya like being with Steve, you should stay there. Ya don’t have to come back to Hawkins.”

Eddie closed his eyes as he processed his uncle’s words. “I don’t want to leave you to live by yourself. And I don’t even know if Steve would want me around all the time. I know I can get annoying.”

“Stop that. Eddie, I’ll be fine on my own. I’ll miss having ya around but I’ve always just wanted ya to be happy. If being in the city with Steve does that, ya should stay there. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He wants to keep ya around,” Wayne reassured him. 

Wayne had to get going to make it to his shift on time so they said their goodbyes. Their conversation gave Eddie a lot to think about. He would miss living with his uncle but Hawkins was still relatively close. Close enough to drive back and visit with the old man on a whim. And moving out of Hawkins would definitely make him happy, especially if he could be with Steve. With his mind mostly made up, all he had left to do was have that conversation with Steve.

Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20: Epilogue

Updated Taglist: @nickavalens @conversesweetheart @themostunoriginalpersonever @swimmingbirdrunningrock @eddiethegreatteddybear @harrumphingtons @call-me-big-eyes @moonshadows-13 @glittergluekintsugi @cpidcupk @doubleb11 @mentalcyborg @amoris-no-smut-allowed @purple-lemonade @labels-are-for-the-weak @thebrazilianatheist @rajumat @livelaughlexa @5ammi90 @colorful565 @marvelousforlife @chaoticcoffeequeen @gregre369 @suddenlyinlove @thegreatmistake @stillfullofshit @nburkhardt @batxsignalsx @newunknowns @thosemessyvibes @tailsfromthecrypt @luciana-rowan @bird-with-pencils @adaed5 @lolawon @flustratedcas @iwillfindmyneverland @messrs-weasley @skoomy-doompy @yearningagain @forest-fogg @bitchysunflower @stardust-era @newtstabber @bobatrash-queen @notjasontxdd @ohlook-afrog @00biscuit @grtwdsmwhr @oxidantdreamboat @the-witch-forever-lives @estrellami-1 @whatthemeepever @a-simple-gaywitch @imzadidragonfly @freddykicksasses @krimsonsimp @whatthefuccck @delta-piscium @anaibis @tinynebula @darkwitchoferie @evix-syne666 @tawghasa @pyrohonk @lillys-weird-world @superduckmilkshake @paintsplatteredandimperfect @tiny-enthusiast @whalesharksart

[randomfandomlov3]

Price of love (Chapter 2)

Warnings: Talk of fear training. Let me know if I missed any.

Note: This is kind of a filler chapter, I realize now. Thank you for reading <3

Word count ~ 1624

“Okay, so this training might be a little bit intense for some people, if at any point you need to take a break, please do so. I do not need anyone overdoing anything before we get out to the field.” You walked back and forth in front of the Avengers. You took them one by one into a more private room, before asking them to imagine a scenario where one person is badly hurt by the enemy and to take out their anger on the substitute you had in front of you. It took a few minutes for some of them to be able to use their fear. Nat and Bucky were too stoic, pretending it didn’t bother them. And then there were people like Wanda, whose emotions about the situation made her have little to no control over herself, and in turn her powers. Yet to most of their surprise, it eventually worked, and they became forces you would never want to face. Just solely due to their newly focused strength. Then you instructed them to just train as they normally would. Now they are all out in one big room. You gave them each a number and when you called it out, they had to switch to their fear training. But they had to make sure that they didn’t use it if it wasn’t their number called, because there would be times when using that will not be useful, and it can be extremely draining, physically and mentally.

“Hey, would you be able to take my car to get the gas filled while you are out?” Bruce asked you in passing. You shook your head rather aggressively. “I’m sorry I can’t do that.” He cocked his head at you. “I don’t have my licence.” You muttered feeling ashamed. Bruce didn’t give it another thought, before heading off to do whatever he had planned. You stayed there stuck in your head though. Until Sam came in to ask if you could help him figure out a gift for his nephews.

Over the next few days, you asserted yourself as a constant source of sunshine for the team, everyone had their own moment when it happened, but they all saw you as their sunshine nonetheless. Tony was the last person to have his moment because you rarely interacted for long enough. “FRIDAY, where is Tony at?” You asked the AI that seemed to always be listening.

“He is in his lab right now, but miss, I would have caution if you go in there. He is upset about something.” Her voice sounded almost annoyed if that was possible.

“Thank you, FRIDAY. I will take that into account.” With that, you got Tony’s favourite coffee and snack and headed down to his lab. Before you knocked on the door, you heard him make a frustrated noise. You decided to forgo the knocking in case he tried to get you to go away. “I brought coffee.” His eyes went wide when he realized he was no longer alone. He took the coffee and snacks and looked at you expectantly. “Did you want a hand with anything?” You asked looking around at the mess that was his lab with a big smile.

His brow furrowed as he thought about your offer. “Sure, I asked Pepper if she could, but she said that she was too busy. I need a female who can take Romanoff’s place in trying these out, making sure they fit and work.”

You cocked your head. “Why don’t you just get Natasha?”

The look on his face told you that you should already have known the answer. “You don’t just tell Natasha what to do. She needs notice, and this was a spur-of-the-moment make.”

Your phone buzzed with perfect timing, pulling it out, you saw a text from Nat. “Where are you?” Tony looked at you expectantly, as you texted god knows who. “She is on her way.” As you tucked your phone away, you told Tony.

Shock filled his expression, but he wasn’t going to question it. With his guidance, you started to help him clean up the mess. "Tony? I was told that you had something you wanted me to try out?" Nat sauntered into the room.

"Yeah, while I was trying to figure out a new upgrade for my suit, I got sidetracked. I ended up having an idea about how to make your widow bites better." They kept talking as you finished what you were cleaning then left with a smile.

There was a knock on your door a while later. When you opened the door a handsome man was standing on the other side. “Bucky! What’s up? Did you want to talk about something, or just have some quiet time?” You always knew what helped him feel better, but this time he had different plans.

“Actually, I came to see if you wanted to come with me to the Avenger’s movie night?” Pink speckled your cheeks as you nodded and followed the super soldier down into the movie room.

He sat down on the loveseat on one side of the room and gestured for your to take a seat beside him. Across the room, Sam and Steve were laughing as they tried to shove each other off of the couch. Nat and Wanda were on a blanket on the floor throwing popcorn at Steve and Sam. Bruce, Tony, and Clint were all seated on the other couch watching the scene go down.

You shifted so that you can see the screen better, and so that you were closer to Bucky. He wrapped his arm around you. Being relaxed is not something you were used to, even when you looked happy or like you were having fun, you were keeping up a mask, one that you hoped maybe one day you would be able to drop around these people. A movie you had seen a thousand times was put on and the day’s exhaustion finally caught up to you. You dropped your head onto Bucky’s shoulder causing him to look down and smile. When he looked up Nat was giving him a look that sent a chill through him, and Sam had a smug look that Bucky wished he could have wiped off. No one else seemed to notice or at least care. Tony had turned the volume up on the tv when it got to a quiet speaking part, but he forgot to turn it back down before the action started.

That startled you awake. Once you calmed your breathing, you gave Bucky a smile as if to tell him not to worry. You stretched the stiffness out of your joints from the position you had been in and not wanting to disturb the peace any longer you whispered to Bucky. “Thank you for this, but I am exhausted, so I am going to head to bed. See you tomorrow.”

He gave your hand a small squeeze as you left the room. Nat glanced over and noticed how despondent he looked; it made her wonder.

The next day when everybody woke up, they had a letter on their door with a location, time, and what to bring/wear. While everyone was getting coffee, and discussing the letters, Nat asked where you were. Everybody assumed that you were just sleeping in. Bucky wanted to ignore it, but Sam wanted him to go because his girl was going to be there.

You had tables of food and some tables with crafts and activities. It was a beautiful day for this, the sky was bright blue, and the sun was nice and bright. All the snow that had been there earlier this month had melted. It’s not spring for a little while yet, but this was your way of ushering in the spring season, with friends. You had gotten an origami expert to come teach everyone how to make origami frogs, you also had frog bean bags to play bean bag toss with.

Before the time, everyone decided that they would head over a little bit early to make sure it was not a trap. While in the shadows, they heard you humming to yourself. They watched as you fiddled with the things on the table to make sure they were perfect. Nat smiled thinking about all of the effort her close friend put into this. After a little while some agents from SHIELD started showing up, ones that Nat knew were a part of the team that you used to lead. You kept looking around between checking the time and frowning. This prompted the Avengers to all look at the time, and they realized that it is already past the time you had asked everyone to meet up. They stepped out from hiding. Your face lit up when you saw them all there.

“What is this for Лунный свет?” Nat asked giving you a big hug.

“Well, I thought that it would be a fun day to celebrate, since no one had any missions right now, and this means that spring is on its way soon. Lots of the activities for the day involve frogs, but that’s because it’s the leap day, and what better creatures to represent it? I also thought this would be a good time for you all to meet the other agents that will be coming on the mission with us.” You rambled out as you showed them around.

The day went by with lots of laughs and mostly failed origami because the boys wouldn’t stop goofing around. However, Sam did successfully make a little hat in one of his failed attempts. You had never seen everyone this freely happy, it gave you peace.

Chapter 3

[jessthetea]

The only logical explanation for those photos is that Jess herself sent them in. How can we tell? Well, first of all, it’s clear she’s fully aware of the camera snapping shots of them. That’s pretty obvious, but I’m sure the stans will twist it around somehow—maybe claim she’s just being polite or something, who knows how they think?

Now here’s where it gets strange. These photos were clearly taken by someone else during their snowboarding trip back in December. We can tell that from the snowboarding gear, the hair length and color, and their outfits. But for some reason, these photos never surfaced, even though the JustJared post claims they’re from Backgrid.

Except, I’m thinking they’re not from a legitimate paparazzi. Or maybe they are, but Jess had someone set it up for her, expecting the pictures to be sold off or posted, and they just weren’t. Whatever happened, Jess definitely knew who was taking those photos, and this whole thing was prearranged by her.

How do we know that? If a real paparazzo had taken those shots, unrelated to Jess or Jamie, they would’ve sold them right away—because that’s how the paparazzi world works. Old photos don’t sell. Even week-old photos struggle to get picked up. But these? They’re from last year. So, I don’t know what kind of deal Jess had with whoever took them, but she definitely got her hands on them.

Maybe the plan was to leak them to the tabloids, but it didn’t pan out, or maybe no one wanted to buy them. Maybe something happened between her and Jamie, and she decided to hold off. But make no mistake, this was Jess’s doing. No paparazzo would sit on almost year-old photos and try to pass them off as new—that’s not how the game works.

The only person in this scenario who stands to gain from keeping up this charade is Jess. She’s the one who’d call the paparazzi, just like she did with those beach photos, which were conveniently sold and posted on time. So, when rumors have been swirling for months that she and Jamie broke up, who has the most to gain from trying to crush those rumors? Jess. Except, she didn’t have any better photos to use because, let’s face it, she probably hasn’t been with Jamie or traveling anywhere since that snowboarding trip.

As for JustJared posting them as recent, I’m not sure how that happened. Just looking at the outfits, it’s clearly winter. Was it a slow news day? Did they need filler content that badly? Or did Jess bribe someone to push those photos out as 'new' to keep her story going? Because let me tell you, no tabloid just casually posts old photos as new. That doesn’t happen by accident.

The fact that these photos are old, that Jess is the only one who stands to benefit, and that this was clearly her plan from last year that didn’t quite work out—it’s honestly alarming. Makes you wonder how many times she’s pulled this kind of stunt. How many secret photos has she had taken, just waiting for the right moment? This little trick might fool the stans because, well, they’re not exactly known for critical thinking, but anyone else can see right through it. And the fact that she went to these lengths means she’s definitely aware of the breakup rumors. But who, secure in their relationship, feels the need to send year-old photos to a tabloid to prove they’re still together? Someone desperate, someone who’s probably already broken up but knows the guy isn’t going to speak out.

If you’re still stanning Jess after this, and you can’t see how manipulative and shady this move is, I don’t know what to tell you. Jess isn’t some private person—she orchestrated this, handed it to the tabloids, and is doing everything possible to keep her name in the headlines as Jamie’s girlfriend. This is bad news for Jamie, seriously bad news, and if she’s willing to pull something this underhanded, it’s only going to get worse from here.

[tswaney17]

I Do Bad Things with You - Part 38

As promised, we're celebrating my 30th birthday with a little update. 🎂🎁 This is definitely a filler chapter, and one that I fought with a lot. I'm not entirely happy with it, but we're going to move on. I have so many exciting things coming for this AU that I can't wait to share with you. Thank you all for reading! 💙💜💚

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault , language, NSFW (kinda)

Word Count: 5,461

It had been three months since Feyre’s gallery showing and Elain and Azriel were living in utter bliss. Though the quietness from Elias and Azriel’s brothers kept him on edge, he didn’t let that affect them. Even agreeing to let up on her security protocols for getting dropped off at work—seeing as she was late twice. Granted, she had to sway him a bit, which meant she ended up kneeling on the couch and then bent over the armrest.

Not that she minded one bit.

Since she’d broken through that last barrier of her trauma, Elain felt like a new woman. One who was fully confident sexually and able to give Azriel more of herself.

He took full advantage of it too. Just last night, they were going at it doggy-style, but rather than maintaining an upright position like her ex would, Azriel leaned over her and held her against his chest so she slid up and down his body, their skin maintaining contact.

Holding them both up with one arm, he wrapped the other one around her, securing her to him. Elain had never thought doggy-style could hold any kind of intimacy—any sort of romance—but like always, Az surprised her with how he pleasured her. He liked the feeling of her against him when they fucked and, well, she loved it too.

Elain smiled to herself as she made her way to the private wing of the emergency room where high-valued patients were kept. Viviane had paged her, telling her someone requested her specifically for a consultation. “Hi Viv,” she called when the bleach blonde appeared in her line of sight.

“Ellie,” she smiled. “Thank you for coming down. I tried to persuade him to have a regular check-up before going straight to a surgical consultation, but he was insistent,” Viv explained handing over the iPad with the patient’s medical chart on it.

Glancing through the notes, nothing stood out to her.

“Do you recognize the name?”

She shook her head. “I don’t. I’ve never heard of this man before.” Her brows furrowed as she tapped the screen, digging further. “There’s not much here. What is he in for?”

“Appendicitis. Said you took out a friend’s and they recommended you.”

Elain looked up at her friend and caught the caution in her eyes. “You don’t believe him.” It wasn’t a question.

Viviane shrugged a shoulder. “If he has appendicitis, then he’s got a very high threshold for pain tolerance.”

“Do you think he’s lying to hide what’s really wrong?”

“Possibly. Though I’m not sure what it could be that he couldn’t tell me but will tell you.”

Hugging the iPad to her chest, Elain said, “Well, there’s only one way to find out.” Striding to the closed door of a private room, she knocked and entered. “Hello, Mr. Thompson. I’m Doctor Ar—”

She froze three steps into the room.

Because the man that turned around on the other side of the exam table was none other than Elias Hewn himself.

He smiled sinisterly at her. “Hello, Elain Archeron,” he cooed.

Like a doe, she turned to bolt from the room but found the door being slammed shut and blocked by another man, larger in stature than Elias. A guard of some sort, she assumed. The size of him, the way his biceps bulged when he crossed his arms indicated she was likely correct in that assumption.

Trapped.

She was trapped.

Her heart skipped in her chest as fear settled in. Whirling around to face Elias, Elain lifted her chin and told him, “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve to come here.”

The man chuckled, slowly walking around the table and towards her. “You should consider yourself lucky I merely came here and didn’t take you while you were leaving.” His head cocked to the side. “Though, correct me if I’m wrong, that’s already happened to you, has it not?” he taunted.

How he knew about her kidnapping was beyond her, but then again, he played in a world she wasn’t completely privy to. News about Azriel’s girl getting kidnapped by Hybern and his killing them probably spread like wildfire in the underworld.

His lips curved up even more. “I’ll take your silence as confirmation.” He moved closer to her, stepping into her personal space and letting his eyes flick over her face. “I can see why Azriel is so taken with you. You really are gorgeous.”

“Azriel,” she snapped, “is taken by more than just my looks. I don’t think I could say the same for you.” Elain folded her arms across her chest, careful with the iPad still clutched in her hand. “What the fuck do you want?”

Elias tugged on a lock of hair, letting the curl wrap around his finger before thumbing one of the earrings that her boyfriend gave to her for her birthday.

They were gorgeous halo studs, sapphires in the center, and surrounded by diamonds. He had been insistent that she keep them when she tried to tell him they were too much and took to using his mouth into persuading her.

His lips curled up. “Azriel has good taste in jewelry.” His knuckle ran over the curve of her cheek. “Is that how he keeps your legs spread?”

Elain’s face heated at the words, at the implication. But she bit her tongue, letting him think he was luring her in.

He leaned forward until his lips touched the shell of her ear. “I could show you things he never could.” He said it in a daze, almost trance-like. His body shifted closer until any large breath would have his chest brushing hers.

Her blood raced as he encroached in on her, dominating her person with his presence. And just when she knew he thought he had her, Elain brought her arm back and cracked it across his face, hard enough to send his head snapping to the side. “Do not touch me,” she snarled, stepping back to add space between them.

His fingers touched his cheek, mouth parting in what she could only describe as shock.

Before he could say anything, she snarled, “How dare you come in here, posing as a patient, and lay your hand on me.” Her heart was beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings. Like a symphony of an enemy’s drum as it approached.

Faster than she could detect, his hand snapped forward, gripping her by the throat and pinning her against the door. Her back smacked the wood, knocking the breath from her lungs. “Do you have any idea what you two have done to me? To my company?” he hissed in her face. The rage that lined his features reminded her so much of that night with her ex-fiancé. She knew what happened when men lost their temper; remembered seeing that same viciousness in his eyes that she saw in Graysen’s.

But Elain wasn’t the same woman she was when he tried to assault her. No, she was the girlfriend of a mobster. Despite the fear racing through her veins, it was time the world recognized and respected her power for who she was. She wasn’t going to let her terror make her cower to this man.

Throwing on her best sneer, ignoring how hard her chest was beating, she told him, “That sounds like more of your poor planning than our problem. And you need to leave. Now.”

Elias’s dark eyes narrowed, fingers tightening around her throat, restricting her airway that much more, as he looked at her. Really looked at her. Assessed her in a way that told her he was trying to determine how much of a fight she’d put up. He released her neck, shoving his hands into the pockets of his dress pants like he was restraining himself from grabbing her again. “You and I are connected, Elain. I felt it the first moment we met.”

She nearly got whiplash from the change in direction, gulping down quiet breaths now that his hand was removed from her throat, but she focused on his words.

The night of the fundraiser, when he sniffed the skin of her inner wrist and grabbed her when she denied him what he wanted. “There is no connection between us, Elias. You need to get that through your skull.”

“Then how do you explain you sensing my presence at the club?” he asked, cocking his head to the side once more, dark hair sliding across his brow. “I know you felt me watching you—saw you looking around for me.”

“I didn’t know it was you.” A lie. She and Azriel both were convinced it was Elias at the club even though Az never found footage of him. He had to have come in some sort of disguise.

A smile curled up the side of his mouth. “Liar. You knew it was me.”

She stayed quiet.

Elias shook his head, laughing to himself in a way that had her blood going cold. “Believe what you want, pet, but we both know the truth—”

Elain had had enough of his games. Pushing off the door and forcing him to take a startled step back, she demanded, “What do you want, Elias? I won’t ask again.”

He shifted on his feet. “I just want you both to know how easy it is to get to you. That no matter how much security he has in place, I can still find you.” He stepped closer, leaning in until his mouth grazed her cheek in a featherlight kiss.

Her body locked up, but she refused to show him just how much his closeness affected her.

“I will exact my revenge on you both. You won’t know when, or where, but one day I’m coming for you for what you did. And when I do, we will have so much fun.”

Anxiety gripped her chest at his words. At the underlying threat in his tone. She knew he wasn’t lying; that one day, he would take what he believed he was owed. But the worst fear was that she didn’t know how he would try and take his revenge.

“Have a good day, Doctor Archeron,” he murmured, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Oh, and tell Azriel good luck getting to me.” Shooting her a wink, he and the other male strode from the room, the door clicking shut behind him and his guard.

Elain gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth as a sob tore out of her throat. She dropped the iPad to the ground and pulled out her phone with shaky fingers. Clicking on Azriel’s name, she put the phone to her ear.

He answered before the second ring. “Hello, love.”

A strangled sound escaped her that had him instantly on alert.

“Elain,” he said her name urgently. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

She sniffed, hating the tears that built in her throat and were threatening to flow down her cheeks. Pathetic—it was absolutely pathetic how much he affected her, but she couldn’t stop the droplets from rolling down her cheeks. “He was here,” she said so quietly, Elain wasn’t even sure Az could hear her.

“Who, Elain?”

Swallowing the painful lump, she breathed, “Elias.”

The line went silent for half a second. And then she heard him moving. “Did he touch you?” The wrath in his voice had some dark piece of her soul stirring.

She debated on telling him or not, knowing it would anger him further, but eventually decided to go with the truth. “He…he grabbed my neck,” she told him, fingers grazing the skin of her throat where she was concerned bruises might form. “Az—he was at the club that night. He told me.”

Her boyfriend swore low and filthily. “I should’ve put a fucking bullet in him when I had the chance.”

The words didn’t bring her any comfort, something he must’ve sensed because he added a bit more softly, “El, the Moonbeam twins are in the lobby waiting for you. I’m on my way. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

Elain tried to take a steadying breath. “I’m okay, Az.”

“I’d like to see that for myself.”

She didn’t get the chance to argue further before the door of the exam room swung open revealing Connall and Fenrys, along with a very concerned-looking Viviane.

Finding her kneeling on the floor—when had she gotten down here?—the golden blond twin was instantly moving to her side, lying a comforting palm on her back.

“How the fuck did he get in here?” he snarled at the nurse.

Viviane blanched at the tone. “He came in by ambulance.” Hence why neither of the twins saw him enter the building.

“And you just let him in here with her alone?”

Those crystal blue eyes turned to ice. “How was I supposed to know he was a threat to her? He used a different name and it’s not like you’re out here waving around pictures and names of people who are a threat to her for me to review. Of course, I wouldn’t have let him near her if I had any inkling that he was dangerous.”

Azriel’s midnight voice cut through the arguing, having heard the exchange. “Love, can you pass me off to Fenrys, please?”

Elain tapped his shoulder to get his attention before offering up her phone. She kept her gaze on her lap, trying to work through the anxiety in her mind until her breathing slowed, going through the motions she established with her therapist.

“Mr. Knight, I—” he was interrupted by Azriel.

And although she couldn’t hear the conversation, she had a vague idea of what he was saying. That Viviane was her friend and she’d never let any harm come to her knowingly.

“Yes,” Fenrys said. “By ambulance.” From the corner of her eye, she caught him nodding his head along to whatever was being spoken to him on the other line. “No, of course. I will…sure.” The twin passed her back the phone.

Her boyfriend’s voice was a welcome balm to her worries. “Elain, would you like to take the rest of the day off and go home, or do you want to work until the end of your shift?”

She was surprised by his offer, having figured he’d want her to go home immediately. “You don’t want me to come home?”

He paused, likely debating her question and how to answer it. “The decision is not mine. It’s yours. Now that Elias has approached you, I don’t believe he’ll do it again at the moment. However, if you do choose to stay and work, I would like the twins inside the lobby to monitor who comes and goes.”

Elain didn’t want to let Elias’s sudden presence affect her. She refused to give that to him. If she was going to be Az’s partner in life, she couldn’t let events like this control her from doing her job; from living how she wanted to. Taking a deep breath, she told Azriel, “I want to stay.”

“My strong girl,” he murmured sweetly and she could hear the pride in his voice. “Okay, let them know you’re staying. I’ll swing by shortly just to check in—”

“No.” Elain was surprised at how sturdy her voice came out. “He wants to get a rise out of me, out of you. He likely anticipates you flying over here to check up on me and take me home, and is sitting out in the parking lot somewhere to watch. I don’t want to give him that satisfaction. Let’s make it seem like his threat isn’t worth our time. That will show him.”

She didn’t need to see his face to know it had taken on a deadly grin. “Spoken like a true queen of the underworld. I concur. Keep your eyes open for anything else and stay safe, El. Let the twins know what the plan is. I’ll see you tonight.”

After bidding him goodbye, Elain rose to her feet with a set determination she hadn’t felt in a long time. “All right…here’s what we’re going to do.”

~~~

A week after Elias’s surprise visit and Elain was starting to feel it. Three nights she’d woken up from nightmares, Azriel hovering over her as he attempted to pull her from her dreams. Despite her desire to not let him affect her, her dreams wouldn’t give her a reprieve.

Just last night she had shaken herself awake, breaths coming out in shallow gasps. 

But Azriel was already pulling her into his chest, letting the sound of his heartbeat soothe her racing one, to calm her heavy breathing. He’d run his beautifully scarred hands over her back; stroked through her damp air.

She’d take a few minutes to collect herself. Just allowing his presence, his scent to comfort her. Some nights he’d try to ask her about the dreams, but last night he just held her until she fell back asleep. Elain appreciated that he never pushed her into talking about her nightmares.

But after just three episodes, she was bound and determined to shake them.

That was how she found herself standing in Az’s—well, their—home gym, eying all the different equipment. He was currently in his office down the hallway, working, so she figured she could take advantage of his busy state.

Looking at all the weights and the bench, Elain felt herself feeling a bit intimidated, so she started on the treadmill to work up her courage. After two miles—huffing and puffing because fuck, she hated running—she hopped off and stretched out her muscles.

Glancing at the weight bench, Elain plucked her bravery from deep in her gut, slipped on a ten-pound weight on either side of the bar, and laid down. Twenty pounds wasn’t too heavy. She could do that.

Taking a deep breath, she slid the bar off the little hooks when it dropped on her chest. The wind was knocked from her lungs as she desperately tried to push the weighted bar off her, but it was no use. Her panic about being pinned down crept on the edge of her mind. Wheezing as she tried to catch her breath, Elain managed to get out a desperate, “Azriel!”

Quick footsteps sounded down the hallway and then he appeared in the doorway. A filthy curse word left his lips as he rushed over to her, gripping the bar with one hand and effortlessly lifting it off her chest and back onto the hooks. “Elain, hey. Are you all right?” he murmured, coming round to kneel beside her.

Panting, she went limp on the bench, eyes closing as she tried to level her breathing out.

He waited patiently for her to calm down, fingers squeezing her thigh and letting his thumb swoop across the fabric of her leggings. Once she was back to normal, Elain opened her eyes and found Azriel staring down at her.

“El, sweetheart…do you want to tell me what you were doing?”

Sitting up, she flipped her leg over the bench to face him fully. “I don’t want to feel weak again.” She cast her eyes down towards her lap. “Elias showing up at the hospital has put me on edge—”

“I know. It has for me too,” he told her, taking her hands in one of his.

She looked back up at his face. “I thought that maybe if I started using some of your weights, I’d feel safer. Like I could protect myself.” She eyed the weights next to her with disdain. “I must be weaker than I thought because I only stuck twenty pounds on it.”

Azriel’s lips curled up. “Elain, love, the bar itself weighs around forty pounds alone. You were trying to lift sixty.”

“Oh…” Well, that explained why she couldn’t lift it and made her feel less incompetent.

“And without a spotter.”

Golden-brown eyes met his hazel ones. “You don’t use a spotter.”

“I’m also well-versed in lifting weights. And I know my limits. I don’t go above them when I’m working out alone.” He lifted his palm to cup her cheek, letting his thumb swoop over the apple of it. “But you’re right. I don’t use a spotter and I should.”

He brushed his finger over her skin again. “Do you want to try again? With me here. And no weights—just the bar this time.”

Elain glanced at the weight bench and then back at him. “Not today. I think I’m done trying to lift weights for now. Can we go again in a couple of days?”

“Of course.” Az leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. “And you’re not weak, Elain. I’ve seen the things you can do…what Cash has taught you.” He reached up to stroke the delicate skin of her throat where she knew the finger-shaped bruises were starting to fade. “You are far from weak, my love.”

She felt those words brand themselves on her soul. He was right—of course, he was right. She was the girlfriend of a mob leader…she would never be weak again. Rising from the bench, she headed for the door but stopped at the threshold to look over her shoulder at him. “I’m going to shower. Care to join me?”

Heat flared in his eyes as he quickly followed behind her. “Like you have to ask.” Azriel swooped down to throw her over his shoulder, making her laugh.

“Az, I’m all sweaty. Put me down.”

He popped her on the ass. “You act like that’s going to stop me from ravishing you in the shower.”

And ravish her he did.

~~~~~

It had been a month since Elias had surprised Elain at the hospital and they had yet to hear another peep from him. Azriel had Ruhn searching for him, but even he had been unable to locate the fucker.

It infuriated him to no end, especially since he made the comment to Elain about “good luck finding me,” and directed it towards Az himself. Not being able to find him now was just a nail in the coffin of his rage.

Ruhn believed the bastard had gotten in with the Illyrian Mob, and he had to agree. Nobody else would be able to hide from him or his crew for this long without the help and resources of the rival gang. He also said that there was still no word on what they planned to do with the information about his relationship with Elain.

Just the two unknowns combined made him antsy for the other shoe to drop. However, he didn’t let that take away from his time with Elain.

“Still nothing on him. No phone records, no credit card purchases. He’s simply fallen off the face of the earth,” Ruhn growled through the phone, equally as pissed about being unable to locate the bastard.

Az sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Frankie has him hidden and protected. He would’ve had to if he planned to utilize him after what he did to Elain.”

The man on the other line paused before quietly asking, “How is she?”

“The bruises that fucker left on her neck are finally gone,” he snarled, rage building in his gut as he remembered seeing those finger-shaped purple marks dotting her immaculate pale flesh.

“We’ll find him, Azriel. I give you my word I’ll bring him to you for revenge.”

He let out a breath, knowing that Ruhn would do everything in his power to capture that fucker for him. Because Elias signed his death warrant when he laid his hands on Elain. “Thanks, Ruhn. Call me with any updates.” He ended the call, dropping his phone onto his desk and letting out a loud groan, rubbing the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw spots.

It had been rough for his girl since he showed up at the hospital, though things had calmed down since then.

After about two weeks, her nightmares seemed to lessen and now she was rarely having any, thank fuck. He hated waking up in the middle of the night to her whimpered cries, body shaking from her terrors. Ached to take away her pain. To do anything other than just hold her after an attack. But that seemed to be all he could do for her at the moment. He just hoped it was enough for her.

His intercom on his phone buzzed and Nuala’s voice filtered through the line. “Mr. Knight: Feyre and Rhysand Archeron are here to see you.”

Fuck, he was not in the mood for company, knowing any little thing would set off his anger. He clicked the button to respond. “Thanks, Nuala. Send them in.”

Rising from his seat, Az buttoned his suit jacket just as his door swung open to reveal his siblings. Feyre leading, and Rhys carrying a large, flat object wrapped in paper. “Good morning, Feyre. Rhys. Is that my art piece?” he asked, nodding toward the hidden item.

“Indeed it is,” his sister chirped. “Where’s it going? The front wall?”

“Yes, right there,” he pointed towards the wall directly in front of his desk. Helping Rhys move the painting over, he ripped off the wrapping and stood back to admire the piece. “Fey, this is gorgeous. One of your best works. Thank you, for this.”

The artist beamed at the compliment. “It was truly a pleasure to paint this. And I’m happy you out of everyone connected with it.”

He knew what she was referring to, the fact that it was of an Illyrian from the history of his heritage, one he adamantly vocalized being against. It was a surprise for everyone when he requested that specific piece. But perhaps it was time to recognize the flaws and move past them.

“Do you want us to hang it?” Rhys asked, watching his brother closely. As a half-Illyrian—one who recognized and sympathized with him and his issues—he was the most curious about Az’s sudden change of heart.

And Cash, of course.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll email our maintenance team to come to hang it sometime this week.” He studied the art piece leaning against the wall. “But thanks for the offer.” Azriel walked back around his desk and sat down.

Feyre perched herself in one of the leather chairs, craning her neck around to brush a fingertip over the hole in the back. “Az, what happened here?”

He met her gaze and debated if he should tell them the truth or not. Opting for the former, he told them, “I threw my letter opener at Elias after he made some nasty comment about Elain. It embedded there in the leather.”

Their eyes went as large as saucers but it was Rhys who asked, “Does threatening everybody who comments about her seem like the wisest decision?”

“It makes me feel better,” he said petulantly, eyes flashing dangerously as if daring his brother to make another comment like that.

“I think what Rhys is getting at,” Feyre interjected to stop the brewing storm forming between the brothers, “is that will those threats come at a cost? Will it put Elain in more danger?”

Azriel sighed, rubbing at his brows. This was not a conversation he needed to be having with his siblings. But like normal, they were sticking their noses in a place where they didn’t belong. “Elain is in danger just by being with me. Since we’ve established that there is no going back on that, I will do everything in my power to make sure she’s safe. That she remains safe. And if that means threatening and putting myself between her and anyone who dares speak her name, then so be it. It is a price I am willing to pay.”

“Is she?” Rhys challenged.

“Come again?”

“Is she willing to let you put yourself in that position?” his brother clarified. At his silence, Rhys powered on. “Every threat you make, every enemy that comes forth puts her in danger, Az. It’s not just you anymore. You have to think of her—”

“I am thinking of her!” he snarled. “You don’t live in my world, Rhysand. You don’t understand the consequences of looking weak. I can’t just walk away. If I tried, they would come for me. And for her. I will not let that happen.”

His brother just looked at him; those violet eyes assessing his words. His anger. Finally, he leaned back in his seat, steepling his fingers together. “I only want to keep her safe, Az. She is more like a sister to me than an in-law. I will always look out for her well-being. Even if it’s against you.”

The words were like a blow. How far he had fallen with his siblings to see him as only endangering their family. His love. Perhaps, in their own way, they were right. Ever since he came back into Elain’s life, he had thoroughly derailed it. She’d been kidnapped, used as leverage, stalked, threatened…the list goes on.

But she had brought so much good to his life. Joy, happiness, a sense of purpose. He wanted to build a life with her. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he couldn’t have that and balance his more deadly self.

Feyre cleared her throat, recapturing his attention. “Elain told Nesta and me a little bit about what was going on when we went dress shopping.” She paused, chewing on her bottom lip. It was a nervous tick he picked up on—something she did when she was trying to figure out how to say something. “Is there still a threat going on?”

He and Elain had spoken about how much information they told their siblings. They had agreed on a “needs to know” basis, and well, this felt like it was needed to know. So, he told them everything. About Elias’s initial threat, his stalking at the club. Him seeking her out at the hospital. Azriel laid everything into the open for them.

His sister’s brows had gone straight to her hairline, her hand partially covering her mouth in shock. “That is…terrifying. How is Elain managing it?”

“Comes and goes. She had some nightmares after Elias sought her out at the hospital, but we’ve managed to get those under control. I’m trying not to be overbearing with her protection detail, but want to make sure she’s covered should anything happen. The Moonbeam brothers are staking out in the hospital lobby now.”

Rhys leaned forward to rest his elbows on the tops of his knees. “Maybe you guys should take some time. Get out of Velaris for a bit and let things calm down.”

He sighed, the breath whooshing from his chest. “I’d love to, but I don’t know if Elain has any vacation time built up.”

Feyre snorted. “Please. Elain hasn’t taken a vacation day since she was hired at the hospital for her residency two years ago. She’s got like two and a half weeks built up. And when her residency completes in a few months and they hire her as the attending, she’ll accrue like fifteen additional days a year.”

An idea took root as his sister-in-law spoke. “She told me that she wanted to go on a vacation. To the beach. I think a surprise trip is exactly what the doctor ordered.”

Rhys snickered at the pun.

“I’ll need to give her boss a few weeks’ notice. Maybe the middle of next month?” he said more to himself than anyone else.

“I think that sounds perfect. Get her out of the city. Honestly, I think the last time Elain did any sort of traveling was right before she started college. Since then, she’s been buckling down on her studies. It would be well-deserved. And a long-time coming,” Rhys told him.

He nodded in agreement. “Wait, we have Nesta and Cassian’s baby shower next month.”

“We can move it,” his sister said. “Nesta will only be seven months along next month. We can move it to the following one. No invitations have been sent out anyways.”

“I don’t want to inconvenience them.”

Feyre waved him off. “Please. I think Nesta would be happy to know that you took Elain somewhere safe.”

He supposed that was true. “I think I will. Thanks, guys.”

Feyre and Rhys rose from their respective chairs, each offering him an encouraging smile. “Well, we should be off. We have a few other deliveries today from the gallery show.”

They were almost to the door before he called out, “Oh, Feyre.” He waited until she turned to look at him.

A secretive smile overtook his face. “What’s Elain’s ring size?”

~~~~~

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[ughmyreality]

Thoughts on S3 E4

(SPOILERS ahead)

There might be positives, there will be negatives, so please be forewarned that I am not going to solely praise the show. Also, it needs not be mentioned, I am but a single negative person on the internet talking about a fictional story. We are all not going to agree.

On another note, this episode in particular left me with a lot of feelings so I might make another post talking about the dynamic of Polin entirely. Anyway... With that said, let’s move on.

Episode 4-

I’m all for Lord Debling. He’s shown to have not only more personality than Colin but also have a genuine interest in Penelope. I like that they’ve tried their hand at showing an unconventional man.

I miss Brimsley and Reynolds together. They could be a cutesy old couple together. Sigh… but at least Brimsley hasn’t lost his wit.

Oh my gosh, the introduction of John! I’m all for it. Finally Francesca looks genuinely happy. I like the fact that neither of them quite know what to say. This is how you do “awkward wallflower”.

Who cares about the “give up the club” storyline? Honestly, I’m just going to start skipping it and if I miss something important I’ll just read some spoilers. 

I particularly like the hairstyle of Penelope in the scene with Lord Debling. Although I have been enjoying their outfits, I feel like a lot of them look way too modern. I understand that Bridgerton is not an accurate historical show, but I feel like the issue is more glaring this season.

I’m glad someone else said it. Colin was not the only one holding that balloon down but everyone swoons for him. 

Staring like a creep doesn’t convey romance, at least not to me. I’m sure if anyone were dedicated enough to count the line between Penelope vs Colin, you’d find that Colin has barely said anything in comparison. Out of the 4 episodes so far, I’ve taken from them that Colin is popular with the ladies, likes to travel, and doesn’t care for LW. Ok? Where is the suave main male lead? He has not an ounce of charm. I can’t see how even Polin fans can be satisfied with the way things are going. Colin is barely in it, Penelope plays the victim and finds herself in more trouble, and the rest is watered down filler. 

Honestly, I’m keeping my hopes up for the future. I surprisingly enjoyed Anthony’s season, even though he previously got on my nerves, so I thought maybe they’d surprise me again. I don’t know why they would go out of the book order. They could have had a more subtle opportunity to establish Polin, for better or worse, while also moving on to the fan favorite, Benedict.

Here we go again. At this point these bland sex scenes are nothing more than a hindrance to the show. They’re lifeless and add nothing to the plot.

Girl, “and I should like to call on Miss Cowper a moment”! My head is already filled with ships with no hope of being cannon and it appears I have found another one. 

I’m not understanding why Cressida’s father doesn’t want her to be around Eloise. Because of the scandal? Like it or not the Bridgerton name has shown to still hold quite significant power. If anything he should be happy they’re friends.

How in any way has Colin been aware of others' needs? All they do is tell us about Colin’s character rather than show us. I have seen not one instance of Colin caring for someone else. If we’re talking about caring for other people, we should be talking about Anthony. The one who cared and helped all his younger siblings after the death of their father. The person who despite his sometimes harsh ways, wants the best for them all. Colin is hardly ever home so when would he have the opportunity to be caring. He can waste money freely on his travels without thinking of anyone else. He can see the clear feud between Eloise and Penelope but still somehow make it about himself. It’s pretty obvious that Eloise has a closer relationship to Benedict and if Colin was so concerned he would have asked him what’s wrong. He seemingly doesn’t care that Penelope might have found a genuine man but is thinking instead of how seeing them together makes him feel. He has no consideration for his friends if you can even call them that. They inlist in idol chatter about women. He comes to a sudden realization and tries to confide in his friends only to find that they don’t care and why should they. It seems as though they have never had a decent conversation beyond their own sexual adventures so why should they suddenly care about how he’s feeling. He doesn’t spend enough time with the people he supposedly cares so much about, barely interacting with the rest of his siblings. So tell me again Violet how Colin is so caring and sensitive.

Colin has in no way been living to please others. He just returned after months away. I would think that Violet wouldn’t want him traveling for so long, she surely wasn’t pleased. He didn’t put his feelings aside and court Penelope to please her. He didn’t drop the subject or try to offer advice to Eloise about her friendship downfall which didn’t please her. Nothing he has done has been out of unselfishness. Unless you consider that poor attempt to help Penelope, which steamed out of pity rather than him truly wanting to help her.

Yes! Cressida is showing where her loyalties lie. Sticking by Eloise’s side, much more than someone can say.

Colin has no right to try and tell Penelope what to do. He had his chance more times than I can count. It’s too little too late.

I’m actually kind of sad for Lord Debling. He seems like an actual nice person and he thought he had a chance with Penelope. At least he ended the conversation nicely because I would have been more angry. 

Why is Colin’s main point against Lord Debling that he will leave. It’s almost like he’s talking about himself, he is notorious for his travels.

Penelope should have slapped Colin. Have some confidence girl! This guy literally was on the brink of marrying your cousin, publicly stated he’d never court you, and dispises your alter ego. Now for what appears to be nothing but physical lust, he barges in your carriage claiming to be entranced with you. Level up! Stop this same song and dance.

Sigh, I hate to say it, but I don’t think Luke’s acting is very good in comparison to everyone else. He hardly moves his face. It’s like those clichés of people with Botox not being able to make facial expressions. Note, how I feel they intentionally barely showed his face in this part because of this. This is supposed to be the start of a steamy interaction but Colin looks as though he couldn’t care less.

Wow… another useless sex scene. This came from nowhere. Penelope are we supposed to ignore the fact that this man rejected you multiple times but now only wants you for sex? Also, Penelope never seemed too enthralled with the idea of anything sexual but she’ll become some sexual fiend with Colin at the drop of a hat.

Where is the SLOW BURN FRIENDS TO LOVERS! I’m on the verge of madness! Tell me how Colin can profess his supposed feeling for Penelope, nearly take her virginity, and propose all in one night? This is repulsive. If Penelope had any sense of respect she’d turn down his proposal seeing as she’s Lady Whistledown, but of course that would be expecting her to take accountability so she more than likely will not. Colin has some nerve proposing too. What does he even know about her? He doesn’t like her personality but rather her new physical appearance. I feel like one of the appeals of Penelope is the fact that she’s a plus sized woman, which is great. However, what message is this sending to people? That ‘Oh well, you know that plus sized girl that has a crush on you? Maybe if you ignore all the things you don’t like about her you’ll realize she’s just another woman after all. Just another person to have sex with.’ I wanted this to be a situation where Colin ends up liking Penelope for her, albeit awful, personality. Because any random guy can like you for your looks but not anyone will love you for your flaws and all.

This carriage scene doesn’t hold a candle to even the scene between Daphne and Simon in the FIRST season. This was nothing special and honestly I could have done without.

I’ve said it in the last part, but this only further solidified my beliefs. There is absolutely no reason this needed to drop in two parts. There is no surprise, we all know that Colin x Penelope will be endgame so what’s the point? We know that Penelope will more than likely say yes to the proposal and even if she says no, she’ll say yes eventually. There’s no suspense.

I guess for my ending thoughts I will say, I’m just glad this is over with and we can move on to some other characters in the later seasons. It will be a breath of fresh air. My only hope is that they don’t rush them like they did Polin.

Now, word on the street is that Colin is going to end up going to a brothel after he finds out Penelope is lady whistledown. I haven't dug too deep into this so take it with a grain of salt. However, if true, I have so many problems with this. 

-EXTRA SPOILERS FOR PART 2-

Why does he think mindless sex is going to solve his problems? That’s just a red flag that anytime the going gets tough he might resort to cheating.

If Penelope had true intentions of marrying Colin she should have told him the truth and been ready for a negative reaction.

I thought Colin was supposed to always think of others. How is fucking anything that moves while he’s engaged “thinking of other’s needs”?

Penelope still stays with him. Why are we feeding into the narrative that it’s perfectly ok for your partner to cheat on you? They haven’t even been together that long and he’s already cheating. It’s already a stereotype of plus sized women having “low self confidence” and they are doing nothing to stop that.