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stardustcatcher · 1 year ago

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i’m feeling… so many things

Fire in the Water: Chapter Seven

Summary: You had thought dating a vampire would be the most complicated thing you'd ever done. But as it turns out, becoming one is even more complicated. The boys are determined to make your transformation as smooth as possible while each fighting to maintain the relationships they once had and those they now lust for. Author's Note: As always, I'd like to thank the lovely @gretasmokerising for inspiring me and encouraging me and @earthlysorrows for editing and helping me piece everything together/brainstorm Content Warnings: swearing, talk of blood, mentions of killing, blood drinking, fingering and other sexual content (18+ minors do not interact) Word Count: 11.8k

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"I owe you an apology."

Jake had found you sitting on the bed Josh had left behind in his room. The bed was still there but Josh was now gone, where you weren't sure. He hadn't even told you he was leaving. You'd come back from a hunt to find his room devoid of him. Danny had been the one to break the news to you.

"For what?" you asked without even turning to look at him as you ran your hand over the tattered journal Josh had left behind as well.

It made you think he had fled in a hurry but it left you with hope that he would return for it. And you, maybe.

The room that had once brought you so much comfort, like the boy it belonged to, now felt cold and foreign. But that didn't stop you from trying to find something familiar in his absence. It became like your greenhouse. You retreated to it, snuggled up in the covers like they could warm you, hid amongst the books and art and evidence of his previous lives like you could melt into it all, now yourself a relic of one of his previous lives.

That’s what worried you, that you now belonged on a shelf rather than out in the open, something he could revisit only when he took you down and dusted you off. But despite everything, you weren’t ready to be shelved.

"For what I said to you about Josh.” You'd almost forgotten Jake was there. “Well, and about Sam," he added.

You weren't even mad about the conversation. Actually, you'd hardly thought about the entire encounter. The gravity of your jealousy paled in comparison now when faced with the thought of how Josh would be when he returned. If he returned.

"I deserved it. I can't just do whatever I want and expect there not to be consequences,” you answered softly, thumb inspecting the delicate edge of leather binding worn to the point of flimsiness with patches sewn in where they were needed.

You heard a heavy sigh fall from his lips and shifted where you sat when he suddenly came into view, dipping the mattress of the bed under his weight as he took a seat across from you.

"Well maybe,” he admitted, ”But it was still unfair, especially coming from me."

You met his eyes as silence befell you, those eyes which always seemed to tell some story just beneath the surface. He looked so much like Josh in his quieter moments. Sometimes you swore they were impossible to tell apart other than their difference in style. And sometimes, they bore hardly any resemblance to each other at all.

"Do you know where Josh is?" you asked.

He shook his head.

"No. But he'll be back. I know it."

You could only assume it wasn't a guess on his part and that his twin had either told him as much or he had felt it for himself that Josh was only gone temporarily. Regardless, you trusted it was the truth and gave him a nod, turning your eyes back down to Josh's journal. You couldn’t bring yourself to flip open the pages and pry into his soul. And secretly, you worried what he had written in there about you. But even though it wasn’t your business to read and you certainly didn’t dare look, your fingers clung to its leather binding like it was a physical piece of him, the last one you could hold.

"He's not here and I can feel it. I can feel the loss. It's like something was taken from me but I can't even remember what it was I had."

You hadn’t even cried over his absence yet. You didn’t dare entertain what that might have meant.

Jake said nothing but you could practically feel him inside your body, studying your emotions closely. Maybe holding them up to the light to read them better. To try and understand better. There was a thin line he had been afraid to cross since his twin had left, never pushing or pulling too hard, afraid that thread might snap and cause a rift that couldn’t be mended. Maybe he figured it was better to just remain silent but truthfully, his silence only made you worry more, uncharacteristic as it was. Sam was the quiet one; that you were used to. Not this. All of this felt so wrong.

You let out a long sigh.

"I owe you an apology too," you admitted.

"For ruining my fun the other night?" There was a smile that teased at the corner of his mouth but he didn't dare break into it fully before he was sure you were in the mood to laugh about a moment he likely looked back on with something a little less than pride. Hopefully much less than pride.

And you didn't quite feel the humor over the situation yet. Maybe you would have if Josh had left on a more final note. But for whatever reason, if Jake was willing to smile, your own body was willing to smile too, and it grew on your face before you even had time to stifle it.

"No,” you scoffed lightly, “I'll never be sorry for that.”

Your thumb ran over that worn binding once more before your fingers discarded the book altogether, throwing it to the other side of the bed as you turned your mind toward the relationship you’d had with Jake prior to your turning. The feelings you’d had for him, unadulterated by anything more complicated than lust and natural chemistry.

“We were friends before all of this,” you said as you reminisced. “I guess at the very least we could still be friends now. I did genuinely like you."

The smile at his lips widened into something much more sincere, no humor or mischief in sight.

"I did genuinely like you, too."

It sounded like a promise when he said it, a promise that he still did like you and still would like you. Hopefully no matter what mess you inevitably made.

After a quiet moment, he slapped his palms flat over his knees and worked up some friction on the material, physically working himself up to ask the question on his mind that had led him into the house to come and find you in the first place.

"Can I take you somewhere?” he asked with a heavy inhale. “Feels like Sam gets to have all the fun these days."

You gave him an easy smile back, just as sincere as the one he had given you.

"Yes, you can take me somewhere."

—

You felt almost crazy for having agreed to it but there you were, zipped into a tight black dress in the passenger seat of Jake's car, your companion dressed in a matching black outfit, complete with cotton pants, velvet vest to leave his chest exposed, and a worn blazer that he had haphazardly rolled the sleeves of up to his forearms. It was quite the pair the two of you made when you weren't fighting. Or worse, lusting after one another.

“You gonna tell me where you’re taking me?” you asked from the low bucket seat as the dark sedan sped through the fog-filled forest on the only road that led toward civilization.

“I bet Sam never spoils the fun before you get there.” He gave you a smile that you didn’t dare question the meaning of, his brother’s name falling from his lips almost like a taunt.

“Sam only takes me hunting,” you said, ignoring whatever deeper meaning there might have been in favor of the view just beyond the passenger window.

“Could have fooled me,” Jake quipped.

This time, it did earn a look from you.

“Okay, whatever that’s supposed to mean. Don’t tell me you’re the jealous one now.”

“Always been me, baby,” he grinned.

He had a habit of saying things in such a way that made you question his sincerity. This one was certainly no different and you studied his profile carefully, looking for any hints he would give you. It would be a true reveal to know that the boy who had taunted you and teased you almost to the point of breaking had only done it because he felt the exact same jealousy you did.

The damn beautiful boy. He was cryptic in a manner entirely different from Sam, and he was always so pleased with himself, too. You understood it to an extent. If you were as pretty and as gifted, you might have been just as insufferable.

“I’ve got a question,” you changed the subject. Sam wasn’t one for answering your questions but Jake was much easier to corner. “And you have to actually answer it. No half-assed, vague responses. I need a real answer to this one.”

He chuckled at your thoroughness, knowing without even asking that it was a product of your time spent with Sam who never shared more than he absolutely needed to. Sometimes not even that much.

He sent a smile your way from the driver’s seat. “Got me nervous over here.”

“What rule did you break?”

You watched as his face went serious at your suddenness. It was a look you hadn't seen him wear, one of worry and bleak reminiscence. And suddenly, you found yourself worried alongside him.

“I’m not supposed to turn people,” he answered directly.

It might have been the first time he hadn’t padded a subject with his personality.

“But Danny turned Adele. I don’t see what the difference is-”

“No,” he interjected, “I’m not supposed to turn anyone.”

You sat almost stunned for a moment before you asked. “Explain.”

You could see his jaw clench and unclench just below the surface of his skin, marking his frustration alongside the shake of his head. He seemed reluctant to tell you.

“I um…” he cleared his throat, “I didn’t exactly use much judgment with the last person I turned…”

“That counts as vague,” you scolded him as you studied him hard. “Try again.”

“Awfully pushy tonight, baby,” he quipped. It was evident he was hoping to dissuade your interest. But seeing as it involved you and the person destiny had chosen for you, you didn't feel much dissuasion.

“Surely I have a right to know.”

If it wasn't so troubling, you might have found it endearing the way he chewed nervously on his lip and squeezed his hands a little tighter around the steering wheel.

“When you asked if there had been anyone for me…”

You recalled the conversation. It was a night you'd remember in its entirety until the day you actually did die.

“You said she was evil.”

“Yeah, well, I kind of helped make her that way. Turns out, the forces that be don’t really look kindly on vampires turning people who then become…something else entirely.”

Something else entirely. You were suddenly worried that she was more like you than you had even considered.

“If I had been more careful, I would have realized that she was immune to my abilities,” he continued, eyes fixed to the road unwaveringly. “I would have seen it and I wouldn’t have ever turned her if I had known. It was exactly what she wanted.”

“But she is a vampire, isn’t she?” you pressed.

“Yes and no. She was dabbling in ancient stuff you’re not supposed to dabble in unless you want to put a target on your back. Someone was helping her, I think. I don’t know. She needed to be turned for the immortality and once I did it, that was that.”

“What kind of ancient stuff? Like rituals? Like…like witch stuff?”

“Probably not what you’re thinking of but yeah, essentially. She never meant to become just a vampire; she meant to become something much stronger and I was the last piece of the puzzle. You can imagine how the high council felt about that.”

“They barred you from turning anyone over it?”

“She took out several dozen covens before disappearing. The council can’t just let that go without consequences.”

“Why didn’t they just punish her instead?”

“They couldn’t find her. I don’t think they even know where she is to this day.”

It was ridiculous, the jealousy that worked its way into your being at the thought of Jake being so distracted by whatever it was this woman had been doing that he hadn't seen her for what she truly was. You wanted to shake your head and scowl at men entirely for it. But the consequences of the decision had surely left Jake with a bit more care and suddenly it made sense why he relied on his gifts so heavily now, always searching and inciting and encouraging. You just hadn't considered the fact that it might have been in part to protect himself.

“So what happens now that you’ve broken the rules?”

“Danny hasn’t seen anything from the council yet. Seems like they don’t know.”

“And what happens if they find out?”

“I guess we'll deal with it.”

You weren't sure what to think. You didn't understand the high council and their rules well enough to let that determine how worried you should be. But Danny hadn't seen anything yet and surely if he did, it would give you time to prepare. What that meant given these circumstances, you had no idea. You only hoped that if the time did come, you'd be able to control your anger. Maybe you hadn't given yourself over to Jake so easily, but the thought of him being in trouble wasn't one you liked. And the longer you dwelled on it, the more your body sizzled with protectiveness. You didn’t intend to lose anyone else.

You hadn't been paying much attention to the road but when the car came to a halt in a dimly lit parking lot next to a building radiating the steady beat of a loud DJ from inside, you suddenly found yourself forgetting the topic of conversation, your attention diverted to the club that Jake looked far too excited about.

He was becoming an expert at distracting you.

"Jake…" You glanced at him nervously, making a point to let that feeling shine through your body like a bright light so he could see just how on the fence you were. You didn’t need to give the high council any more reason to care about your actions.

"What's the matter, baby?"

He met your eyes with a warmth that could have eased your nerves all on its own. Fuck, it was getting harder to resist him. He didn't even have to touch you now; the want you felt for him tunneled deep into your bones. It was becoming a part of you, as much as you hated to admit it.

"I won't be able to control myself.”

You wondered if he understood the many ways in which you meant it.

"You think I'm going to let you do something you'll regret?” He reached across the center console with the car now parked to take your hand in his, letting his thumb swipe over the veins protruding from your skin only once as he lifted his eyes back to yours. “You can't lose it with me."

It conflicted you. On the one hand, it was freeing to know you were always safe around him. You'd never hurt anyone as long as he was there. On the other, you hated feeling like a child with the safety locks on. It was a different type of freedom you longed for, one that only seemed to exist now when you were around Sam.

Regardless, the present situation called for more than just child safety locks. You knew what it was you were doing. And you knew just how stupid it was, too. Surrounding yourself with intoxicated, beating hearts, warmed with blood that was just begging to be downed. You knew exactly what could go wrong.

Nevertheless, you followed Jake out of the car and into the club.

The smell hit you like a ton of bricks the moment you entered the building. Instinctively, you reached a hand out to grip Jake's as he pushed through the crowd in front of you. He gave you a tight squeeze back, like a promise to keep you on your best behavior. But it would be a challenge, that much was clear. The way the eyes followed him as he walked, gazing after him, lusting after him, you were ready to drain everyone inside the building simply for being there. If the bloodlust didn’t get you first, it would be the anger.

And then there was the music, piercing your overly-sensitive ears as it rang out above the crowd which seemed to move like a heartbeat with it. Maybe if you could loosen up a bit, you could see yourself enjoying the atmosphere. But all you saw was a sea of temptation.

Jake dragged you into the center of it all, his hand still firmly wrapped around your wrist when you reached the middle of the dance floor. There was hardly enough room to breathe and each time a club-goer bumped into you, you felt their pulse digging into your skin. But Jake never matched your worry.

“Hey, don't fight it. I've got you,” he insisted, leaning down so he could speak close to your ear.

You gave him a hesitant nod that he took with enthusiasm, a wide smile working its way onto his lips.

“Pick one,” he said as he leaned in again. “They’re all fairly drunk.”

You turned your focus toward studying the club-goers that surrounded you, trying to absorb anything about them other than how good they smelled. Girls wearing tall stilettos despite knowing how much alcohol they'd down, guys wearing anything they thought would get someone's attention, silver chains, too much cologne. You spotted her amongst the crowd, a short blonde woman wearing a staunch white bandage dress that would have fit right into the nightlife scene a decade ago. She was gorgeous but you knew what the appeal was. You wanted to see her dress stained red as you drained her of every last drop she had to offer.

Thank God Sam wasn't there to hear your thoughts.

You pointed her out with a quick nod in her direction and after Jake followed your gaze, he met you with disapproval, shaking his head.

“White dress is a little risky, don't you think?”

“You told me I could pick,” you argued back.

He was onto you, you could see it in his eyes. You'd looked at her with a little too much eagerness. But with another flickering gaze between the two of you and most likely a thought back to how he had insisted he was the cool brother, he finally nodded.

She was perfect for him, anyway, exactly the type of girl he had gone for a million times in the past. Exactly the type of girl you could picture tiptoeing through the backyard back to the street from where she had come with her heels in her hand and her body littered with bite marks from a night she would remember fondly every time the muscles in her legs ached or she sat in some discomfort.

God, you really had to stop torturing yourself.

“She’s all yours,” he conceded just before grabbing your wrist harshly and pulling you back into him before you could turn away. “Just don’t make any messes, okay? Can you do that for me, baby?”

You didn't even dignify it with an answer. You didn't care for his condescension, even though it turned you on. So instead of arguing back or, even worse, letting him see the fluster on your face at his tone, you rolled your eyes and pulled out of his grasp, giving him nothing but an annoyed smirk before you turned back toward the woman you had picked.

You fought your way through the crowd to her but as you approached, you realized you had no idea what to say or what to do. Jake must have felt your hesitation too, because suddenly, as you pushed your way through the only remaining people blocking your path, he was already behind her, swiping her long blonde hair off her shoulder and dipping down to whisper something into her ear that you could barely hear over the sounds of, well, everything else bombarding your poor ears.

“You don’t mind, do you sweetheart?”

You weren't even certain he'd used his gifts on her yet and she was already staring up at him like he was the only thing that existed in this world.

It made your blood boil.

She turned toward you with excitement in her eyes. “No, not at all!” she squealed.

He gave you an expectant look as he wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her back flush with his chest, and once again moved her hair out of the way with gentle fingers. You could practically hear the shiver they sent up her spine when she felt his cold touch graze along her skin.

He was doing it on purpose, you were almost sure of it.

With her neck exposed, you could see the desire flaring behind his eyes, even as he fixed them to you.

“I'll get it started for you,” he smirked, and then he sank his fangs down into her neck.

From the perspective of the other club patrons, it would look like the two were caught in a moment of passion while they danced. And you knew better than to think the passion didn't exist. Jake never really did anything without passion and if the soft moans he elicited out of her told you anything, it was that she felt that passion too.

It put an immediate flair into your face, heat rushing up through your body. You were jealous just watching the sight, wishing it were you under his fangs instead. You didn't give a shit about the bloodlust, this was real lust, and it overtook your body like it owned you.

“Thought you said she was all mine,” you muttered under your breath as you watched.

He cut his feeding short to meet your eyes again, gesturing you forward with a single finger as he licked the blood off his teeth.

When you were only a step away, he reached forward, wrapping his hand around the back of your neck and pulling your face in to meet the woman's neck, your teeth sinking into the puncture wounds he had already so kindly created for you.

It was like all of those other times you drank human blood. Every other thought went out the window. But this time, it was an even more dangerous taste, one sweetened with enough alcohol to get you drunk quickly if you were to keep up the pace you preferred.

Your meal was sandwiched snugly between you and Jake, moaning softly against the air without care for if other people heard. Not that they would; the DJ made sure of that. But whatever Jake himself was feeding her must have been good because as you sucked harder against her vein, he increased whatever dose of pleasure he was giving her and her body reacted, practically falling into yours.

You used your arms to hold her upright, one around her waist and the other holding the back of her head, keeping her hair out of the way as she slumped over your shoulder. Right where you wanted her to finish her off. But the moment Jake felt her strength begin to falter, he stopped you with a strong hand gripping your hair to pull your face back.

She was shoved away in an instant, blissfully unaware as she moved her hair back over the bite and continued dancing with her peers, likely given some jolt of energy to keep her lucid and standing upright thanks to Jake. But he had pulled you into him, into the space she had just occupied as his lips, parted and panting, ghosted over the thin trail of blood carved into the corner of your mouth from a single drop of the stuff.

“Easy,” he hissed, drawing out the word and showcasing the desire flaring through his chest, “we’re not draining anyone tonight.”

God, it seemed almost more humane to kill them than to just send them on their merry way. What would she think of the bite in the morning?

“Well, if it helps, I think I was the only one draining her,” you argued back a bit breathlessly for your taste. “You were the one trying to give her an orgasm in the middle of the dance floor.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Would you like one? Is that the issue here, my little dracula is deprived?”

You fought through the swell of desire it incited to narrow your eyes at him.

“I’m fine, thank you.”

But it was no use. He had already felt it and had already plastered that damn smirk to his lips again, letting your hair go as he resumed his scouting about the room.

“I’m picking the next one.”

You had been right to be afraid of who he would pick when he chose a thin, model-like brunette from the crowd that closely resembled Adele if you were being honest. Another woman you could picture going home with him. Actually, there weren’t many women you could picture turning him down for a night of passion.

You grimaced at the choice but it didn’t seem to bother him. And why would it when you were giving him exactly the reaction he wanted?

He beckoned her over to him with nothing but a pointed look with dark eyes. She never even glanced in your direction when she stood in front of him.

“You shouldn’t be dancing all alone,” she said with a sultry smile.

“He’s not,” you mumbled, a sentiment only Jake seemed to hear.

“Would you like to keep me company?” he asked the woman.

You were quickly warming to the idea of killing him if he really was so intent on not letting you kill a human.

“Oh, I’d be more than happy to,” she answered.

This time, he didn’t go straight for her neck but rather went for her lips, pulling her into a kiss. And the only indication that he had broken skin was the sudden smell of blood more potent than that sitting nestled inside of a vein wafting into the air.

And it cracked your resolve.

It happened in a flash. You bore your eyes into the back of her head ready to crumble her from the inside out. But just as quickly, she had lost interest and Jake was suddenly there with his body pressed against yours and his hands shackling your wrists.

"Careful there, dracula, we don't need to do all that," he whispered.

You felt it then, that familiar need that was reserved for him. But this time, you knew you weren’t strong enough to hold out. There would be no stopping him or denying him. You’d make him pay for his actions some other night. But for now, you couldn’t get him alone fast enough.

"Fuck,” his eyes rolled back when he said it, “I love feeling what you feel."

"Jake." You said his name with some urgency behind it.

"Way ahead of you, baby."

Without another word, his hand found yours and he led you quickly through the crowd, back the way you had come.

His lips were on yours the moment your back made contact with his sedan where it was parked amongst abandoned cars, impassioned and intoxicated on more than just the blood and alcohol you had consumed. He pulled the door open quickly, pushing you inside until your back hit the cloth of his backseat and climbing on top of you just as fast.

He connected himself to you again almost instantly, pushing his tongue past your lips to deepen the kiss and explore that need that now plagued you both.

He settled between your thighs like he belonged there, fingers working as quickly as they could to pull your panties down around your ankles and slip your feet through them. Free of the stretch of the thin material binding your legs, you hiked your knees up high around his hips, using your thighs to hold his body against you.

His mouth was hungry, moving against yours and muffling the sounds that rose up and out of his chest. But it was the ice of his tongue that chilled you as he used it to explore your mouth and then your skin, pulling away to drag his lips down your neck and over the parts of your chest that were exposed to him. You could already feel the involuntary lift of your hips as his body moved lower, his hands keeping your thighs raised where they were and effectively spreading you out beneath him.

An expanse of fresh canvas for him to work with. That was how your body felt. And he could feel how badly you wanted him to paint you. But Jake was a tease. If you knew nothing else about him, you knew that.

When he shifted his weight backward into the door that confined him near your legs, he did nothing more than ghost his lips over your skin, trailing along your exposed thigh, over the inside of your knee, and down your calf until he was pressing a light kiss to your ankle. And to your dismay, you rewarded his action with a light gasp for air that you didn't need, startled by how cold but soft his touch was on your skin that was surely hot by now.

“You're not seriously going to tease me after all this time in a fucking parking lot,” you huffed in exasperation beneath him.

It prompted a beautifully smug smile to grow across his face.

“You don't want to be teased?” he asked, knowing fully well the answer to his question.

“No, I don't.” It sounded much more like a plea than you had meant it, complete with wriggling hips and half-lidded eyes as desperation took hold of you, setting fire to your skin and every nerve that lay beneath.

He smiled to himself again, dipping down to kiss the inside of your knee and only ever letting his fangs graze skin. “Well then tell me what it is you do want, my little dracula.”

You knew exactly what you wanted. You had wanted it from the moment you learned it was something that could be had, something that could be done to a person.

"I want to feel your gifts. I want you to do what you did to that woman the first time I walked in on you."

Why you were suddenly nervous as his eyes fixed to yours, you had no idea. You knew he would heed your request. In fact, you knew it was all he had wanted to do for probably longer than you realized. But now it was the anticipation that was killing you, knowing that when it came, it would be sudden and there would be no return. You'd be sealing your fate to permanently want him.

He cocked his brow like it was a scandalous request, but he settled down onto his forearm and pressed his lips to your inner thigh once more.

“Well…since you asked so nicely.”

All it took was his eyes on yours again and he was suddenly sending your body twisting through a mind-shattering orgasm that built up strongly from your toes, knotted the muscles in your pelvis, and arched your back hard off the seats beneath you.

If you had screamed his name any louder, you felt certain the entire club might have heard it. But you were well past the point of caring about volume or anyone seeing the two of you as a matter of fact. You were lost in the sea of pleasure that Jake was guiding you through, and not very gently at that. It rocked through you again and again until you felt moisture building in your eyes and a wet release between your legs.

"Oh my god-" you gasped, your hand flying out to the seat next to you in an attempt to steady yourself. Not that it was much use. You remembered the woman you had seen him do this to last. Just as lost as she had been, you now found yourself. Only this time, he didn't stop with his gifts.

In the midst of it all, you felt two of his fingers push inside of you, curling until he could feel what you could, that he had found the right spot. And it rendered you utterly speechless.

You could tell it was just as strong for him too, his eyes winding shut and his jaw clenching impossibly hard as his fingers worked. It was almost like he was working himself through the feeling as well, that feeling that he only felt through you. And just as hard as you had been pushed off that ledge, he fought to not fall after you.

"Fuck, Jake, yes, yes, yes…" It was closer to a chant as tears streamed more steadily from your eyes. You didn't want it to end but it was quickly overpowering your body, sending shockwave after shockwave straight to numb your mind and unfocus your senses.

He moved his body parallel with yours, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck while he allowed himself a moment to truly feel it alongside you.

"Shit" he mumbled into your skin.

You could feel the sweat on his forehead as he exerted himself in more ways than one. And finally, after a symphony of pleasure competing to take over your body, he brought you down slowly with his mind, easing you back into your physical form against the seats of his car.

It didn't take you long to regain your ability to move and contemplate your continued desire.

“I need more,” you whispered urgently, undoing his jeans and feeling his painfully hard cock so close beneath.

But his hands were quick to stop you despite the look in his eyes that seemed to scold himself for ever doing such a thing.

“I don’t want our first time to be in a car,” he answered.

It caught you off guard to say the least.

“I didn’t realize you were so picky,” you huffed, equally romanced by the notion and frustrated by the fact that you'd have to wait for his cock.

He couldn't help but smile.

“It just doesn’t feel right. Especially not given how it was my driving that got you killed.”

“Yeah, your driving that brought me to you.”

He rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay, just…drive fast?” This time when it sounded like a plea, you didn't feel any shame. You meant it as one.

He leaned down again, deliberately rocking his pelvis into yours still bare to him so you could feel how mouthwateringly hard he was. He brought his lips to yours and kissed you achingly slowly, thoroughly passionately. And then he pulled away altogether.

“And what if I drive slow?”

“J-Jake please.” Your resolve was slipping and you knew if he didn't drive fast, you'd be pleading with him to pull the car over to finish what he had started right there on the side of the road.

With a smirk, he lowered his face back down to yours, practically touching the tip of his nose to yours as he spoke.

“I will drive fast but don’t expect me to make quick work of you when we get there. So I’d suggest you ride this high because it’s the last one you’re going to get for a while.”

Always such a tease.

—

Jake had kept his promise of driving fast and before you knew it, you were following him giggling, hand-in-hand through the garage, around the house, and across the lawn of the backyard toward his den of debauchery.

But it was the sight of Sam in the greenhouse that stopped you in your tracks, the urgency of how badly you wanted Jake almost fully depleted from your body the moment his eyes caught yours through the hazy glass walls.

Even from far away, you could see it: the upset on his face.

"Give me a second," you whispered to Jake.

He glanced over to the greenhouse and back at you with an indiscernible look in his eyes.

"You know where to find me."

When you entered, Sam was holding a golden watering can making rounds to all of the plants despite their already wet soil. Maybe it was just an excuse to be there when you got back. But he was clearly now avoiding looking at you.

"I've been watering them," you explained to his back.

"Having fun with Jake?" He never even turned to face you but you could hear something like jealousy on his tongue and in his tone. And it immediately made you feel guilty for the time you had spent with Jake and the want you had expressed for him.

"Sam, I don't want to do this tonight," you admitted somewhat sheepishly as you circled your wrists with your fingers and chewed on the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from getting angry with the one person you didn’t want to get angry with that night.

"He's waiting for you," was all he said as he continued on his path of watering plants that didn't need it.

You could feel your frustration reach a new height, your fingernails digging into your skin to stop yourself from doing something you'd regret.

"I had a good night,” you insisted instead. “The first one in a while. No anxiety, no anger-well a tiny bit of anger-"

"Then why let me ruin it?" he shrugged nonchalantly, his demeanor colder than it had been in a while. You felt the chill of it even from across the greenhouse.

“That’s not fair, Sam,” you said, barely above a whisper.

He sighed back and you watched as his shoulders fell and the watering can dropped onto the table next to him. You could see the tension in his back, tension that probably mimicked itself on his face were he to turn and bare himself to you. He knew he was being unfair, even without you saying it or thinking it. You both knew it. And you had never really seen him lose control the way you were prone to, but there amongst the plants that he had grown for you without even knowing it, under a backdrop of golden stars he had made for you and lights he had strung for you, you watched him collect himself with all of the strength his body could muster under your eyes.

“Yeah, well, take it from me,” he said quietly, “we don’t always get what we want.”

You could tell it wasn't what he wanted to say but you couldn't help but hear the truth that rang through it, the truth that spoke to both of you, that you both understood so inherently well.

No, we don’t.

At the mere utterance of the thought swirling around in your head, Sam finally turned to face you and you saw his eyes rimmed with an angry red.

"But this is what you want, isn't it?" he questioned, seeming almost desperate now as his eyes failed to hide his feelings from you.

And suddenly, you weren't sure exactly what it was you wanted. You had thought all this time that you wanted Josh. Had even begun to do more than simply entertain the idea of wanting Jake. But now nothing seemed clear. Nothing felt easy.

"I don't know…” you tried. “I think I do…I have fun with Jake."

It was a feeble attempt and one that Sam saw through, the thinness of it bubbling up his own frustration.

"So why are you keeping him waiting?"

Your brows furrowed inward and you felt the lump grow in your throat. You were almost constantly on the verge of tears now, it seemed. They came out of nowhere sometimes, even when the moment didn't call for it or when you pleaded with your body to remain calm. But now you knew why they had come. You understood what those tears wanted from you, why they begged to be released.

"Adele said you don't believe in the tie," you said, your voice strained as you fought to keep it even.

"I'm not sure what this has to do with me."

Even he looked unconvinced of what he had just said.

You walked toward him slowly, staring him squarely in the face while your emotions creased your forehead. And when you were only a step away, you faced his lie.

"I think you know what this has to do with you,” you whispered. "What would have happened if it had been you that turned me?"

He shook his head quickly, retreating a step. "It never would have been me."

"How do you know that?" you pressed.

"I wouldn't have done it."

You felt the tears bead at your eyes and roll heavy down your cheeks, freezing lines left in their wake.

You gave him a singular nod, as stoic as you could manage. "Right. You would have let me die."

But as you turned to leave him behind, he caught your wrist, simultaneously pulling you into him as he moved you both so your back fit snugly against one of the many glass walls reflecting stars around you. And he leaned his face close to yours to speak, hushed but urgent.

"Why do you insist on asking all of these little questions that don't matter in the end? What good does it do for me to tell you that I would never have been as selfish as Jake? I never would have condemned you to this life, not knowing how strong you would be and how much you'd struggle-"

"And here I thought you were proud of me."

His face changed at your words, his brows dragging down at the inner corners in confusion that matched the glassiness of his eyes.

"You really don't get it, do you?" he asked incredulously.

You could have burst forth with anger. It could have propelled you across the room if you weren't careful.

"No. I don't,” you met him with just as much urgency as he had you, your hands pushing him off of you even though they begged you to let them cling to him. “You never actually tell me anything. You never take me anywhere besides hunting. You never show me any part of you that you haven't curated or don't want me to see. You see the worst of me, Sam, and I still have no idea why you put up with me! Or what you tell the others for that matter!"

He looked almost wounded, standing there where you had shoved him, trying to understand. "Is that what you want? You want me to tell them about the worst thoughts you've had? You want me to tell them how good you feel when you kill and confirm Jake's fears that you won't be able to live without him managing your emotions for you?"

You felt your body run as cold as it was to the touch as his words sunk in. They practically leapt at you, strangling you where you stood. All of those moments with Jake where he had promised you need only ask for his gifts, he would never inflict them upon you unwillingly. It felt like a lie, like some sick ploy to get you to trust him for his own safety, maybe even for all of their safety. And suddenly, you could hardly swallow. You could hardly even speak.

"He thinks that?" Your voice was a mere squeak among the silence.

"I don't tell you everything because there's no reason you should have to carry it all around. Have you ever considered that I’m trying to do you a favor?"

"Do you think that?" you asked feebly, ignoring whatever he had said last.

He met you where you stood once again, braving your vesuvian temper to do what he did best: reassure you with his hands.

"Of course I don't think that,” he said, squeezing your biceps between his palms and fingers. “That's why I tell them it's going well. You don’t need their judgment, you just need time."

But there was nothing he could say. There was no touch that could undo what had been done. The pieces, one by one, were clicking together and they dared not be torn apart. Josh had already said it himself: Jake could control you better than the rest of them. He had practically shoved you into Jake's arms.

"Josh thinks it too, doesn't he? Or thought it, before he left."

If it hadn't been for the super hearing, Sam might not have heard you. Your lips moved, sure, but the sound barely pushed itself out of your throat. And even so, he dropped his hands and met you with real silence, the kind that was deafening. The kind that made you want to scream and hit him and fling yourself at him and make him feel all the pain in the world for choosing that moment to bite his tongue.

But instead of violence, you clenched your teeth hard. You wanted to hear him say it. And you wanted him to look you in the eyes while he did.

"That must mean he thinks it's for the best I wasn't his."

He knew the question you were asking without actually asking it and you could see the defeat already caving in his posture, making him appear smaller without even trying as he shrank in front of you. His face lost any warmth it might have had, hardened by what you were asking of him. But after a long moment of thought, he finally spoke, reluctantly.

"Well if you're really so intent on torturing yourself, yes,” he answered slowly but deliberately. “The thought crossed his mind. He left hoping you’d run to Jake a little quicker than you have."

You swore you could see the walls of the greenhouse around you cracking and splintering, threatening to tumble down around you along with the rest of the world.

"He gave up on me," you gasped to yourself.

"He did what he thought was best. What he thought was safest for all of us."

You were only somewhat aware of Jake appearing somewhere in the doorway of the greenhouse, looking ready to do whatever he needed should the situation erupt. But it wasn't Sam you were angry with. It was yourself. You had clung so hard to the thing you had wanted that you hadn't even realized he had left you.

"You're right, I was better off not knowing that," you whispered with quivering chin and chattering teeth as the tears found their cadence streaming down your face.

Sam only gave the smallest of glances toward his brother but you watched as his face changed when his eyes flickered back to you, having been silently reprimanded by the one who would have to clean up the aftermath and pick up your pieces to glue them back together again.

"I'm a dick, I know, that wasn't-I shouldn't have-"

He fumbled hopelessly, his eyes pleading with you the way they sometimes did when you threatened to disappear from him altogether out there in the woods with blood on your mind and on your tongue. But this time, you didn't see it. You didn't hear the plea.

You felt the first wave as it pushed up your throat, clawing and scratching and writhing to get out. And before you knew it, you were collapsing to the ground from the force of your heart tearing in two, a mangled sob at your throat and eyes clouded with tears, shielding you from seeing anything beyond yourself.

You were fairly certain it was Jake's arms that encircled you after only a split second on the ground, holding you into him as sobs racked your body and burned into your chest.

"It's alright,” he whispered as he held you. “I've got you. I've got you."

When your throat was finally raw from crying and your eyes ran dry of moisture, you'd wonder where Sam went while it happened, if his brother had told him he'd done enough. And you'd wonder if he really had.

—

The next time you saw Sam, you had your fingers wrapped around Jake's whiskey bottle, nursing it in the greenhouse alone. Jake had gone on a hunt, had practically begged you to come with him, but you'd chosen your misery over food for the twentieth day in a row. If it had even been that long.

“Come on,” was all he said as he stood in the doorway.

“Not hungry,” you answered back, not even meeting his eyes as you sipped the dark liquor.

“Not taking you on a hunt.”

You peered up to stare at his face, awaiting an explanation, but when he gave you none as he usually did, you found yourself groaning like a child.

“I don’t want to go anywhere, Sam.”

You were aware of how pathetic it sounded, even given your most recent discoveries of your failed relationship. Even so, you never were one to handle breakups well and your vampire emotions only exacerbated that which already had taken a heavy toll on you. Although Sam didn't seem too sympathetic.

“Suck it up.”

You gave him an angry sound as you reluctantly stood, knowing he would be much more forceful than Jake when it came to making you do things you didn't want to do. He had an air of protectiveness to him that suggested he thought he knew what was good for you at any given moment. He was usually right although you'd never dare speak that into existence. You hated even thinking it.

“Such a toddler,” he mumbled as he led you to the garage, holding the door open to his coupe to let you situate yourself in the passenger seat.

“Where are you taking me?” you asked, almost in a whine that you knew would do well to annoy him.

It got the eye roll you knew it would. You sometimes wondered if you gave him headaches.

“No questions until we get there.”

When the car was finally put into park after a near silent ride, you found yourself dizzyingly high on a seaside cliff overlooking a world of ocean that seemed to stretch on endlessly.

The sea looked angry where it raged and rapped against the rocks down at the base of the cliff, the drizzle of rain no match for the angry waters down below.

“What are we doing here?” you asked as you peered over the edge. You knew a fall from where you stood wouldn't damage your body the way it might have as a human but still, you were conscious of where the cliff ended.

“Ever been cliff jumping?” Sam asked.

When you met his eyes to question his sanity, you saw a smile on his face, genuine and warm. It was unlike anything you'd ever seen. It lit up his eyes to the point of twinkling. And with it plastered to his lips, he almost looked free of the heaviness that he usually carried.

"You're not worried someone will see us?"

It wasn't really the onlookers you were worried about, especially seeing as there was not a single soul around and the water was in no spirit to be kind to humans, raging war against sharp rocks down below. But it was the cliff you were worried about, metaphorical more than physical. You'd fling your physical body off that cliff alongside Sam without problem. But now that things felt more final with Josh, you wondered just how much of yourself you would be throwing off that cliff with his brother attached.

"No, I'm not,” Sam shook his head with a daring look in his eyes that resembled one you'd seen Jake wear, well, every time he was around. “People never come up here when the weather is like this."

Sam was already undressing even as he spoke, pulling off his thin purple sweater and baggy joggers and leaving him in nothing but his boxer briefs hugging tight around his hips and thighs. But when he noticed your hesitation, and lack of undressing yourself, he threw his arms out to his sides.

"Come on, quit worrying. It'll be fun."

You felt the smile grow on your face without even a thought behind it.

"Didn't know you liked fun," you teased, finally giving in and eagerly working off your leggings and sweatshirt.

Your eyes had scanned over his body, undoubtedly. You hadn't seen that toned chest since the day you met him. Hadn't seen the muscles in his thighs up close ever. But you were careful when you'd snuck your glance, knowing that if it formed even so much as a tiny tangible thought in your mind, it would give you away. Sam, on the other hand, had the privacy of his mind but his eyes were far less careful. They were slow in their movements, working down over your curves as you stood there in nothing but bra and underwear, your skin practically freezing the water droplets as they hit their obstacle along their path from the sky down to the ground.

It was that gaze that seemed to heat up every inch of your frozen body as he shifted his eyes around to study the lines and divots and freckles adorning your skin. He could have lit you on fire with just his eyes alone.

Maybe Jake was right. Maybe you were deprived.

If you had been feeding, it would have been over for you right then. But you were a little more measured when blood wasn't involved. So instead, when you bit your lip and narrowed your eyes at his shamelessness, it wasn't entirely due to the fluster you could feel brewing.

"Hey, control your thoughts," you teased with a pleased smirk before diving head first off the cliff with a running start.

You heard him call from behind you as your body plummeted down to the waters still waging war over rock. "Fuck, you were supposed to wait for me!"

You broke through the water in a thin line, barely a splash being made through the existing turbulence. You heard Sam's body enter the water soon after though you couldn't see him. All you could see before you was darkness. But it was a sea of calm beneath the turbulent blankets at the top. It was almost warm, too, how it engulfed your body and held you there in its peaceful clutches.

Your body floated downward with ease, a slow drag pulling you further under. But with no need to breathe, you didn't fight it. Instead, you let the water claim you. And under the inevitability of the water plundering you down, you felt the same sense of calm that surrounded you flood your body, like it could ease the imaginary ache in your joints and your emotional wounds all the same. Josh was gone. He had left you behind. But there, suddenly, it didn’t hurt so badly.

It was a strong hand wrapping around your bicep and yanking you up through the warmth of the water that evaporated the peaceful coexistence you'd found beneath the surface. That hand, belonging to Sam, yanked you to air and revealed a soaked Sam bobbing along the surface of the water, careful to not let the crashing waves pass over his head.

"I had it!" you called to him over the din of the waves.

"You were sinking like a fucking rock!" he called back, his hand only letting you go when he felt sure you were treading water.

It seemed like an odd display of protectiveness. You couldn't drown. Water couldn't take you away from him. But still, he seemed to watch you with caution.

"I had it," you argued again with a splash of water sent his direction that he dodged with a smile.

The sound of a wave, larger than the others that had passed, rumbling nearby caught both of your attention. Sam's gaze followed your own over his shoulder where you watched a wall of water eight feet high barrel along the surface of the ocean, threatening to beat you both against the rocks at your backs.

With a wave over to you, Sam hurriedly signaled you toward him. You cut through the current easily and when your body found his in the water, your legs wrapped instinctively around his waist and his hands found their own home wrapped beneath the rounds of your thighs.

He inhaled a needless gulp, heaving his chest out and causing you to giggle as he silently told you what he planned to do. And with a single nod of your head, he plunged you both down into the water before the wave broke in the space that your bodies once occupied.

Beneath the water, your bodies broke apart in the silence, remaining close but tethered only by the water pushing you along with its current.

It was once again dark under the water but this time, as you hung suspended the way you were stuck in time, you had a perfect view of Sam with a wall of dark, murky ocean at his back. He floated across from you, staring back and letting the water move you both in an almost dance with one another, close but never touching.

And in that silence, you stole your glances more freely. You let your eyes trail over the hard lines of his body without shame, taking him in in a way you hadn't. It didn't feel like those times you found yourself alone together in the woods. It felt much more like he was the only other person that existed in your world, removed of the bloodlust and the lack of control. He was beautiful in a way that you didn't quite understand yourself, in a way that went deeper than just his body. He was gentle and caring, had taken on the role of teacher and never once judged you for the things you thought. He saw you, understood you, wasn't always easy with his words but was always patient with you. And it was there beneath the waves that it dawned on you: you wanted every part of him. Not the way you wanted Jake, either.

His arm swooshed smoothly through the water, almost in slow motion, catching your wrist and pulling you back to the surface of the water with him.

You followed his strong movements toward a pebbled shore upon which the water splashed much more calmly. With outstretched hand, he led you from the water onto the shore where he dropped his body onto the tiny, smooth rocks with a sigh and fell back to sunbathe beneath the cover of cloud that only let the smallest fractals of light ever bounce off his skin.

The rocks felt cold against your back as you laid next to him but not as cold as the brush of Sam's bicep against your shoulder as you gazed up at the clouds alongside him and resisted the urge to press more of your body to his.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Sam laughed out a sweet sound that instantly burned itself into your brain and made its mark as a sound you'd do anything to hear again.

"You always do, don't you?"

"Has there been anyone since Adele? I mean, I've never even seen or heard another woman over."

It was a topic you hadn't broached, figuring he wouldn't answer anyway. But it was one you had thought about in passing, whenever you'd let your mind wander its way over to the way his hands had roamed your body that day in the woods. They were out of practice, but not without skill.

"A couple of one night stands, never at the house. But other than that, no," he answered honestly.

"You must get lonely. Or at the very least, horny."

"It's not the sex that I miss.” You tried to dispel any thoughts of disappointment you had at the idea of Sam not being interested in sex before he heard. But he continued, “Actually, it isn't really Adele that I miss anymore either."

Oh, you thought to yourself, the realization dawning on you almost instantly and obscuring the fact that he had been so forthcoming for once.

It's Danny you miss.

His silence that followed answered the question you hadn't asked.

"Why don't you fix things between you? Talk to him? I know he wants that."

"Don't try and fix this." He was suddenly more himself again, a little more stern and serious, letting his guard back up.

"He still loves you, Sam," you insisted to no avail, Sam suddenly shifting in the pebbles next to you to put some space between you.

"You don't know anything, you've been around for a whole month. Danny and I were together for centuries."

Even with his visceral reaction, you couldn't help but argue back.

"I just don't understand why you're choosing to give him up when you don't have to."

"You think Josh will ever see Jake the same way again?"

"But it's not Jake's fault."

"It doesn't matter."

"But you hadn't even tied with her-"

"She wanted marriage,” Sam cut you off. “She wanted children. I was never going to damn her to this life. I was prepared to give her a long, happy one with a natural end. And then in an instant, it was all gone.”

You hadn't considered the fact that Sam and Adele hadn't just been casual lovers. They had both wanted more and Sam was ready to give it all to her if he could. It suddenly made you wonder about what Josh had said the last night you'd stayed with him, about not needing the soul tie. Sam hadn't needed it either. He already had what he needed. It broke your heart to think about.

“Soul ties are such bullshit anyway,” he continued. “He didn't choose her, I did. I chose him, too. I chose this life for him and for what?"

It left you suddenly wondering how exactly Sam had become what he now was and he heard the question forming in your mind as you turned your head to study his face.

He sighed a heavy sound, made all the heavier by what you could only assume was a painful memory he had conjured up. He looked resigned when he turned to face you, his hand taking yours and pressing it to his bare chest silently.

The honey brown of his eyes disappeared along with the pebble beach and the raging ocean. And suddenly you stood in an old, stoney house, the floor beneath you dusty and a raging fire going in the corner. It was dim, only lit by the fireplace and a few candles strewn about, but you could see him clearly. Danny sat in the corner, his knees pulled tightly to his chest while he rocked nervously beside himself.

His eyes were puffy and red, like he'd been crying for hours on end. There was dried blood beneath his fingernails and matted into his curls. It covered his thin cotton pants and stained the ballooning material around his wrists. And every now and then, his eyes would glaze over and he would be lost to the world he knew, his head zipping around as he fought imaginary demons, screaming out against the visions that haunted him, uncontrollably.

You squatted low to meet him on the ground, reaching your hand out slowly. Sam was aiming for his knee with his touch, any attempt to soothe him you guessed.

The memory seemed faded around the edges, like it was old and begging to be forgotten, but Danny's voice was clear, like he was actually there, in the flesh, right in front of you.

"Don't touch me!” Danny screamed before your fingers met material. “You cannot touch me! I'm with the devil, I'm possessed, I do not trust myself anymore, Sam." His words were broken by a sob heaving in his chest. "I do not know myself anymore."

And then he was gone again, his eyes clouding once more as he disappeared into some unknown world. Only this time, whatever he saw scared him, and he keeled over to press his forehead into the floor while his hands found cover over his ears.

"Make it stop! I don't want to see it!"

You felt the lump in your throat as you held back your own tears.

The memory suddenly changed and now you found yourself standing in front of the twins, one dressed in brown cotton and the other doused in black. Your eyes caught on Josh's curls first and then made their way over to the sprawling locks of his twin who stood with his foot propped up on a stool and a scowl on his face.

"They should study you, brother," he said with a shake of his head.

He clearly disapproved of whatever Sam had said.

"Why do you want this?" Josh asked from where he sat at what appeared to be a small dining table in the modest home they shared.

Sam hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d used the term ‘centuries’.

There was silence where you assumed Sam had answered and it left you studying their faces closer, trying to get a read on what he might have said.

"You'll be damning yourself to hell alongside him," Josh answered back.

It was followed by more silence on your part, another response from Sam. And you'd have given anything to know what he had said in that moment.

Jake seemed much angrier than Josh had when he responded. "It is thoughtless. You're as rash as they come-"

It must have urged an outburst from Sam because both twins looked suddenly startled. But after a quiet moment, you watched as Josh's face changed, and slowly, he gave a single nod.

Jake, on the other hand, scoffed in stark frustration at his brothers. But it wasn’t exactly disappointment you saw on his face. It was fear.

"You condemn us all," he muttered as he turned away.

The memory evaporated as quickly as it had appeared, leaving you once again staring into the warmth of Sam's eyes. He looked just as hurt as the twins had looked in his memory. You could tell it was one he had lived a thousand times over, one he had forced himself to watch late at night when one of his brothers’ struggled with their abilities, with their hunger. It was a memory he couldn’t let himself forget, forever plagued by the consequences he had set in motion making the choice he had.

"What did you say to them?"

"I told them Danny needed me.” Even with the painful memory at his back, his eyes seemed to soften as you gazed into them, pleading with him to tell you more. “He needed his friend. And if I were to be damned then I would choose to be damned for him. I would always choose him."

The tears were already forming in your eyes, clouding your vision and rolling down your cheeks, when you stumbled across it: the reason Sam was so patient with you. You must have reminded him of Danny. It was why he gave himself to you so fully. He had given himself to Danny that same way.

And in the end, he had lost Danny. It wasn’t hard to see where he assumed this was going, too.

"He doesn't need me now. Not anymore. He has her. But I still think we have some choice in who we love. Who we take with us to the end." His eyes never left yours as he spoke and you could feel the weight of them on you, telling you more than his mouth ever would.

Your chin quivered and your teeth clamped together as you held back the heftier tears. And in your silence, he spoke again.

"I should have told you the other day,” he said softly, “I am proud of you. I am proud of you, exactly the way you are.”

You could feel him in your mind, dancing around with your thoughts. And for once, you felt no shame to have him there, seeing the things you tried to hide from even yourself.

"Can I ask you another question?" you asked in a whisper and with a quiet nod from Sam, you pressed onward. "That memory of Adele that you showed me, you use it to calm down?"

"I did," he answered.

"You have a new one?" you questioned again.

His eyes fell to your lips for the briefest of moments before he answered, just as quietly as you had asked it of him.

"Yes, I do."

He met you halfway, letting your lips meet in the middle of the space that had divided you. But you could feel the hesitation in his hands, working their way across that sea of space to find your body and meld it to his. You could feel the hesitation on his tongue as he parted your lips to deepen the kiss, like he was tasting you for both the first time and the last time. And you could feel the hesitation that must have stolen his mind as he searched yours for any sign of Jake. But when he found none, he was suddenly kissing you back without any hesitation at all.

It wasn't like the blood-covered lust you found with him in the forest. It was a kiss that complicated things, one that made you want to whisper to him to take you somewhere private, away from any prying eyes or ears.

But just as quickly as he had found his certainty, he had lost it again, pulling away from you to rest his forehead against yours and squeeze his eyes tightly shut. He was holding himself back and this time, you understood why without even asking.

Sam had chosen the people in his life and despite how you had been brought into it, you were beginning to believe you had been chosen too. You were beginning to realize he needed you just as much as you needed him, that the life you had found with him in the forest was one he had found too. Every time he left the house with you, every memory he shared, every spoken word he worked hard to say, it was all evidence of him choosing you.

And you couldn't even choose him back.

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#oh sammy 😢#i’ve never rooted so hard for sam before but my little heart is breaking for him #josh is a bitch rn #i’m mad at him #babby reads

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