#shut the fuck up ava

[falcqns]

the way im so invested in this storyline on tiktok when it’s literally just the same person with different wigs on and accents

[itslilacokay]

new group activity: period cramp transferring (based off convo with @cyanvalour)

[falcqns]

i am starting a series called “things i never thought i would say in my life but i do because i’m a toddler teacher”

just this past week i said:

- “this is daycare, not the WWE. we don’t wrestle tackle our friends. especially our friends who just moved up from infants. that’s how you make enemies.”

- “well she doesn’t want to play with you because you keep grabbing her shirt and yanking her down! she’s scared of you bro! and that’s saying something considering she’s bigger than you!”

- “yes that is my boob. that is my other boob. we don’t squeeze boobs that aren’t ours. yep, squeeze yours all you want, but not other people’s. without their consent atleast but you’re 2, that’s a foreign concept still.”

- (coworker was tickling one of the toddlers, and toddler was on her stomach while the tickling was occurring) “for a brief second it looked like you were arresting her and she was resisting real hard.”

- “no you don’t need to watch me change her bum.”

- “let’s give her some privacy, i don’t think she wants you staring at her while she’s trying to use the potty. because it’s creepy and weird my guy.”

- “okay can we let it go? yes Ava fell in the bathroom. 5 MONTHS AGO! how do you remember that?”

- “we don’t drink out of the toilet.”

- “we don’t eat wood chips.”

- “you’ll get bit if you do that.”

- (toddler hit a friend and then - i shit you not - ran face first into a mirror) “that’s karma for you girlfriend. that’s god telling you “don’t hit people who don’t deserve it.””

- “can we please put another Taylor Swift song on? this is the 4th time we’ve listened to Ronan and i cannot stop my tears for much longer.”

i will be adding to this list weekly.

[falcqns]

this book is going to destroy me. i already have the urge to write so so so much hurt/comfort Imodna it’s not even funny

[falcqns]

being a part of the dan and Phil fandom is such a unique experience because how do I explain what phupload, pinof, dip and pip, Phil trash number one, female exit, lady door, etc, mean to a non dan and phil without making myself sound absolutely psychotic

[falcqns]

i have come to the conclusion that The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Hannah Montana, The Wizards of Waverly Place, Chandler Bing and New Girl are the reason i am the way that i am

[falcqns]

i know Laura played one of the nurses in HBO TLOU season one but i still think it would be cool if she played Abby’s mom in season two like Ashley did for Ellie in season one

[falcqns]

every day i wake up thinking i’m prepared to deal with a toddler and everyday i am WRONG

[falcqns]

can confirm that Red One had 2 24 year olds, a 4.5 year old and a 1 year old all entranced the entire movie

[falcqns]

i would be a hoot and a half on Critical Role. i just need 1 chance Matthew Mercer. i am BEGGING

[falcqns]

me? reading Damien Haas fanfiction?? never…

[falcqns]

me: “i need a sunburn remedy that isn’t aloe vera because i’m allergic to it”

the ENTIRETY of facebook: “hAvE yOu TrIeD aLoE vErA”

[falcqns]

i LOVE crying about fictional characters

[falcqns]

i need a chenford fic where tim tells lucy he feels the same way when she fake confesses feelings for him and they get together 😭

[falcqns]

"TaYlOrS vErSiOn DoEsNt SoUnD tHe SaMe"

no fucking shit sherlock she's older and technology is better. still not an excuse to give scooter braun money if there's a taylor's version of the song available.

[falcqns]

I am WAY too attracted to Gale from the You've Got Gale ads