#i’m literally shaking so bad that was the scariest hour of my life

[djiarin]

i’m a girl who is going to be okay!!!!!!!

[kimthwariru]

Another Day

Jungkook x Reader

Mafia au

📍This chapter includes mature content

Page 16. A quick talk

“Just so you know, I think this is a terrible idea” Jungkook took a big sip out of his beer.

It was now around 3am and most people had already left the party. After the secret meeting between you Jin and Namjoon the members reached the decision of taking you up for the job. It was not such a big deal, they just needed you to translate some voice recordings. They said the less you knew the better it was for you.

You still can’t bare the thought that these guys were in the underworld. but the scariest thing was… you still liked them. The fact that they were literally criminals did not phase you anymore. The last thing you remember was you and May dancing before Jungkook pulled you to the side, telling you he wanted to explain more about this whole thing, and now here you are, on the small balcony in front of jungkook’s room, with a man who you learned was in an organized mafia clan just a few hours ago.

“Jungkook, if you brought me all the way up here in hopes to get me to back down from this, you’re wasting your time” It was true, no matter what Jungkook was willing to tell you, you had no intentions of not getting May that 10k.

Jungkook shook his head “We’re way passed that. There in no backing down from this now anyway…” he looked at you “Y/n, you do realize what we are, right?How big this whole thing is?”

“I’m still… processing it” you sight “ gotta admit, a bit cooler than ordinary delivery men” you chuckle

Jungkook laughed “I can’t believe you’re making jokes right now”

“Better than freaking out and calling the police, right?”

“God, much much better!” he paused “You know, I was so afraid that if you ever found out what we do you’d…” Jungkook suddenly had a bleak expression on his face

“You were afraid I’d leave?”

“Yeah…” he simply said

“Don’t worry Jeon, you ain’t getting rid of me that easy” you both chuckled. It was after a minute that you realized Jungkook was literally starting at you, like it was the first time he had seen you in a while. “Everything alright?” You question his sudden silence. You don’t want to misunderstand anything, especially when it came to Jungkook. But the way he was looking at you right now made you feel something in the pit of your stomach.

“I’m sorry-I just-“ he shook his head “You’re… stunning.”

You freeze. You don’t know if you can trust your ears or not. Where was Jungkook going with all of this? “I don’t get it” you shake your head “One minute you’re making fun of me and question everything I like, and the other you’re saying things like this…”

You thought he was like this to every girl he’d met. You’ve heard how flirty he is when it comes to women he wants to get. You always thought that whenever he was getting too flirty with you, he didn’t think much of it himself. But now, this whole thing felt a bit too personal.

“Both situations is me being honest” he suddenly grabbed your waist “And the truth is, I wanna kiss you so bad right now” he leaned in, his face centimeters away from yours. You could smell the alcohol in his breath. You hated the fact that you felt your knees go week.

Was all this because he was drunk? Was he playing a game like he has done with others a million times before?

“Jungkook, you reek of alcohol…” you turn your head to the side to break eye contact.

“No no no don’t give me that” his voice low, he turned your face towards him again and you thought you’d faint if you had to look at his Greek god-like features so up close for another minute.

Especially his fucking lips.

You wanted to taste them so badly. God, you finally admit it to yourself, as much as it terrifies you, you have something for him. You’re not sure what it is yet, but there is something… and the way he was looking down at your lips made you want to bite them down so hard.

“You have no idea how hard it was sometimes”he said suddenly, his gaze shifting from your lips to your eyes again.“Doing things-things that made me feel like a fucking monster. I used to look in the mirror and not be able to recognize my reflection.” He sighted and closed his eyes for a second.

You genuinely felt bad, It’s the first time you’re seeing him so venerable. You couldn’t possibly imagine the things he had to go through at such a young age.

“I thought I could just put a mask on and be ok, but I wasn’t. Even though the mask was damn heavy, I put it on anyways. I didn’t have a choice” He opened his eyes again and looked at you. “I threw away the mask when I met you…When I was with you I felt like I was myself again. Seeing you heals me.”

You swear your heart wasn’t even beating right now. You never imagined that the simple things mattered so much to him. Sure, sometimes he was an annoying know-it-all asshole but in reality, Jungkook was the most interesting person you had ever met and you were never going to tell him, but you sort of admired him. “You deserve good things Jungkook, and I want to be one of them”

Jungkook’s lips curled up into a smile before moving one hand from your waist to the back of your head, pulling you in for a soft kiss. He didn’t use tongue at first, but he was being passionate. You felt his palm caressing your back. God, this felt right. For a moment you forget even your name, the only thing you knew were his lips and his scent.

Judging from his skills, it’s clear to you that Jungkook had a ton of experience in this field. As the kiss started becoming more heated Jungkook suddenly stopped and jerked his head back. His prominent Adam’s apple and his neck muscles were your view. “I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself.”

He leaned back down and rested his forehead on yours. You knew Jungkook was more than turned on, you had be feeling the growing bulge in his pants for a while now. “Control is overrated” you smile

He quickly grabs the back of your neck and pulls you in for a completely different kiss. This time, you felt his tongue caressing yours. It was when he squeezed your inner thigh that you realized you wanted more, a lot more. “Should we go inside?” You hint and by the way he smirked at you it was clear that he understood immediately what you meant by that.

Jungkook closed the curtains behind him and threw you on the bed carefully. When he leaned on top of you, you see him grin “God, you look like you were made to be on top of my bed…”

Hearing those words made your head spin like no amount of alcohol could. He started kissing you, his erect member rubbing against your slit. Each stroke making you more light headed “Fuck” you moan in between rough kisses “I wanna suck you so bad” you surprise even yourself by saying that, but it was true, you were too aroused, and you wanted to taste him.

“On your knees then” he panted

You did as he said and watched him as his pale, long fingers worked at his jeans. You scooted down until you were face to face with his thick erection. You wrap one hand around him and started stroking him slowly “Fuck, it’s so big” you moan before licking it from ball to tip.

Jungkook couldn’t articulate anything other than loud groans. You sucked him enthusiastically, matching him noise for noise. You paid special attention not only to his arousal, but to all that lay below as well.

“You like sucking my dick?” He basically growled the words. You could feel your panties getting wetter by the minute.

“I love it.” You try to suck it all in but it was so big it made you gag. “See? I take it all like a little slut” Dirty talking wasn’t really something you did normally, but Jungkook made your insides stir up. All you could think was his dick and how good it would feel inside of you.

“You dirty little thing” he moaned and grabbed your hair into a ponytail, making you go deeper each time. You were surprised at his self control; most guys would have already come and you would have had to start all over again to get what you really wanted. “Show me how wet you are”

You put to fingers inside of you and softly pull them out again, bringing them up to show Jungkook your juices.

He shook his head “Naughty girl, what am I going to do with you?” He leaned down “I can’t have you dripping all over my new carpet” he bit your bottom lip while you were still giving his member subtle strokes. “How about you sit on my face instead?”

His words caught you by surprise. To be honest, no one has ever offered to pleasure you this way before. You were trembling even at the idea of Jungkook’s tongue touching you down there…

“Yes..” you tried your best to keep your voice steady, but you did a poor job. Jungkook noticed

“What’s up y/n? Am I making you too excited?” A cocky expression painted all over his face. Jungkook liked having you like this. He liked having control over you. You knew it.

“Maybe…” You get up as he lays down. “I’ve never tried this before…” you admit. To be honest, your experience with sex was limited. You could count the times you had sex with one hand. Sure, you had a little more experience with foreplay, but that’s it. You were sure Jungkook was much more experienced than you, but he was making you feel comfortable. That’s what mattered.

“Just sit on my face, let me do the rest”

You do as he says, and the moment his tongue touched your clit you knew you’d have to try not to come. “Fuck” you moan unintentionally. This felt too good. As he was massaging your slit with his tongue, he started squeezing your ass cheeks hard.

At this point, you felt yourself dripping on top of him. You’ve never felt so turned on in your life before. It almost scared you how needy you were for him.

You slowly get up and lay down next to him. Jungkook stretched himself over so he could climb back on top of you. His hips hovered above yours now as he held himself out. You could feel his balls slightly touching your tummy "Damn y/n, you’re driving me crazy” He whispered, the room suddenly feeling cold as his voice sent shivers down your back.

He leaned in, giving you a soft kiss as he played with your hair. His tone quickly becoming more aggressive by the minute, when he had you pinned down completely, he took a deep breath and slowly guided himself into you…pausing for a moment, and then he pushed in, groaning against your chest.

Your breath caught in your throat as you felt his thick member fill you up entirely. His dick was so hard and it felt so freaking good. You respond by digging your fingers into his back, shrieking in enjoyment. For a moment you wandered if your nails would leave marks. You pondered if those marks would be seen by other girls as well…

“Fuck y/n, you’re so tight” he exhaled. His strokes long and steady as you were still adjusting to his size.

“Can you feel how wet I am for you?” You sputtered, wincing as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

Jungkook met your lips with another kiss. "I could have you like this all day” He moaned loudly as he shallowly rocked his hips against your own. You gripped one-another with every fiber willingness, panting as Jungkook pushed in deeper, skin scraping on skin. He began to move, at first only in short, shallow thrusts, gasping against your lips as he did so. Jungkook was enjoying this as much as you did, you could tell because he could not contain his loud and impassionate moans that surfaced each time he met your hips with his in a steady rhythm.

He broke away from your lips again, this time hitching one leg up over his shoulders to push himself deeper into you and the ensuing pleasure that followed was almost enough for you to completely loose all of your other senses. You swear that if somebody had asked for your name, you wouldn’t remember it. You kept moaning as Jungkook continued to drive into you. You could feel every inch of his cock inside of you and it felt great.

You forcefully bit down on the inside of your cheek to keep from crying out when Jungkook entered you all the way...”I think I’m going to come”

Jungkook leaned down again, a smirk painted all over his face “of course you are..”

God, you hate the fact that you couldn’t even argue with him. This dude was good, if he deserved to be cocky about one thing, that was definitely sex.

As he shoved his dick deeper and deeper every time, you felt the tension inside your tummy build up. You couldn’t help it anymore. You can feel your toes curl as your walls started clenching around his dick. Fuck, that felt a hundred times better than you had excepted.

You could see it on his face that he felt you coming all over for him. “What a good girl…” he gradually stopped moving and gave you another quick kiss. “My turn… where do you want me to cum?”

Fuck this dude was hot. “My mouth, please?” you quickly place your face in front of his hard dick.

Jungkook took a good look at you before stroking his cock proudly. “Are you going to swallow it like a good little slut?” He tried to say without moaning but he failed miserably.

“Every single drop of it…” you tease, still not braking eye contact. You couldn’t possibly describe how hot Jungkook looked right now. His handsome face looking down at you as he stroked his dick with his tattooed veiny hand.

“Open your mouth then” he orders and you quickly follow, sticking your tongue out. “God you look so fucking hot like this” he barely manages to say as he jerked his head back and made a loud moan, followed by his cum flying to your mouth.

You give yourself a minute before you lay back down on his bed and he does the same, laying down next to you. A silence in the room. It felt…weird. Both you and Jungkook were just laying there, naked and sweaty after having felt each other like that.

You remembered what he had told you. ‘I don’t do relationships, I just fuck’. You kind of resented yourself for allowing you to be just another one of his ‘fucks’.

Jungkook seemed to notice your enigmatic expression “What are you thinking about?” He scooted even closer to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders

“Nothing…” you simply say without looking at him.

“Y/n” he suddenly says “I know I’m a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Interesting to a few. Unknown to a lot…” he paused and you took a second to look at him, his hair messy and his lips slightly stained by your lipstick. “But who am I, to you?”

His question caught you by surprise. “To me?” You repeat. “I don’t think you’re just one thing. I don’t think anyone is just one thing.”

You see him smile “Adjectives are a joke anyways…”

“Adjectives are not so bad. Without them you wouldn’t be able to describe anything.”

“You do have a point…” his chuckle slowly fading “Hey y/n, I have a question” he said all of a sudden

“What is it?”

“Have you and Tae ever… you know?”

You shake your head as a response to how ridiculous that question seemed to you “God. No. Not even close. We’re just… friends”

Jungkook closed his eyes “Thank god.” he exhaled

“Why?”

“I don’t like people touching what’s mine” he simply said leaving you speechless.

[novamirmirsblog]

So stay with me

Word count: 1957

Request: Yes

Genre: ANGST

Warnings: DEATH. SADNESS. Like there is literally no silver lining.

A/N I've done the foster system based off how it is where I live. I don't know what it's like for other countries so I apologise if it isn't quite the same for where you live :3 ALSO I'm going to put the request elsewhere because in order for the full unhappiness, you must experience it like this 😈

When you first entered the S.H.I.E.L.D training programme, you had been hand picked by Fury himself. You were bouncing from foster home to foster home at the time, causing general trouble by stealing, fighting and lashing out at anyone and everyone. You had no real direction. You knew you were most likely to end up on the streets - sure your social worker would still check in occasionally after you had aged out of the system but there were more and more kids being given up. Realistically, you knew you were on your own. When you reached 13 you knew that no one was going to adopt you. Especially when there were babies and young children available. Deep down, you had figured it out when you were around 9 but you clung to the naive hope that you were wrong.

~~~~~

Fury found you when you were 15 but didn't take you in until you were 17. It was the day after your 17th birthday when he turned up at your foster parent's door. He said he wanted to take you for a military programme and you packed your bag before he had even finished his speech.

You went through years of intense training and passed top of your class for everything. It was surprising considering you had never been first before. What was more shocking was the need for praise. You had always believed that you didn't need it. You had never had it before, so why is it a necessity. You realised how wrong you were when Maria took you to the side and told you that you had done well. The comment replayed in your head for months.

~~~~~

You were 23 when you first joined the Avenger's initiative. 23 when you first met Natasha. The two of you didn't hit it off to begin with, Natasha didn't like how reckless you were and you didn't like how far the stick was shoved up her arse. Truth was, you both liked each other a little more than just friends but neither of you knew how to deal with these emotions. Let's face it, Natasha grew up being told 'love is for children' and you grew up in the system where the cracks were so big elephants fell through them. The team could see it though.

"Just ask her out." Wanda told you while sitting on your bed painting her nails.

"Who?"

"You know exactly who. I can read your mind and your thoughts are very loud."

"No. Your information is wrong." Wanda grabbed your hand, painting the left one first.

"Y/n just ask Natasha out. She'll say yes."

"I hate her. We're enemies."

"Some say you have to love someone to hate them and besides" Wanda paused, gauging your reaction "You wanting to bend her over a table doesn't sound very enemy like."

Heat rose in your cheeks and you prayed nothing gave you away. "Untrue. I want to do that in an enemy way."

"Sureeee..."

From then on, you were extremely careful to keep your thoughts quiet. Especially when you had to watch Natasha train.

~~~~~

It was Natasha who asked you out. At first you thought she was joking and very nearly laughed but then you saw how she was standing, how she said 'will you go out with me' with such nonchalance that it was as if she was asking you to pass the ketchup. No one could be that cool and collected. It was the way she even played slightly with her fingernails that showed you she was nervous. You of course said yes.

That was the beginning of your relationship and you had been going strong for a good five years. The nausea and tiredness however, started three years into your relationship. Natasha used to joke that maybe you were pregnant when it had first started happening, the others laughing at even the thought of you cheating on Natasha. The jokes died down when after a month and a half of running to the bathroom, it finally affected your missions. You were sent right off to Dr Cho and no one would have anything else said on the matter. You had tried to fight them, of course - it really wasn't that bad. All you needed to do. was take some anti-nausea medication and you would be fine.

Leukaemia

You knew that one little word would do so much damage to your strange family if they ever found out. You sat in silence as you formulated a plan, Dr Cho just watching you, letting you process. What was the point in telling your family and causing them pain if the treatment plan Dr Cho had lined out for you worked? There wasn't. That's why you kept it a secret. Why you brushed off any comments about your increased nausea, or your lack of hunger. The only person who knew was Fury.

~~~~~

"Are you cheating on me?" Natasha had cornered you after a particularly tough session of chemotherapy. All you wanted to do was sleep.

"No. Why would you think that?" Words were hard to say when you had to put all your energy into just standing up.

"You go out at all times of the day and night, you're too damn tired to do anything and you never talk to me anymore Y/n... If you wanted to break up you didn't have to cheat."

You knew this day would come eventually. It was a year into your treatments and none of them seemed to be working. Natasha wasn't stupid. It's why you kissed her on the head and pulled her into the tightest hug you could muster.

"I would never do that. I love you Natasha Romanoff. I'll explain but let me get everyone here." You asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to call everyone down to the living room.

Once everyone was settled on the sofas and chairs, you sat on the coffee table, no longer being able to hold yourself up.

"I have leukaemia."

At first, you couldn't bring yourself to look at the others. You didn't want their pity but you knew they wouldn't be able to show anything else. You looked at Natasha first. You knew she wouldn't have a pitying look on her face.

You were right.

Natasha looked furious. How dare someone who didn't even want you in their lives give you a horrible disease. She knew your chances of survival weren't good but there were treatments that could help. She had more than enough money to get whatever treatment necessary.

Tony spoke first. "I'm going to my lab. FRIDAY, contact Dr Cho. I need Y/n's medical details."

Bruce followed quickly behind him. The others gave you sad but hopeful smiles. You couldn't bring yourself to tell them there was little hope.

~~~~~

Natasha had been gone on and off for 6 months. You knew your time was coming to a close but she still hadn't given up. She was always in some country following a lead for some experimental drug to try and cure you.

But there was no cure.

Not for this. Maybe one day there would be a cure, but not in your lifetime. The cure wouldn't be able to save you.

You were almost hesitant to let Natasha come back. It had been a while since she had seen you and now you looked like paper. You were thin and fragile and your skin had lost it's colour and took on a grey tinge. Your cheeks were hollow and your lips were constantly chapped and the only thing you could stomach were tiny meals and energy drinks.

You were dying.

Everyone had come to terms with it. Tony and Bruce never stopped trying to find a cure, it just wasn't for you anymore. Wanda tried her best to keep you as comfortable as she could with her powers and Steve would come and tell you stories of before he was put in the ice to entertain you. Clint would bring his kids until it got too painful for them to see you turn from the scariest, coolest person they knew into a hollow shell.

The only person who hadn't come to terms with it was Natasha.

"Nat she needs you." Steve told her when the team were all eating.

"I know. I really think this time this lead will be the one. Then she can be fixed and-"

"Natasha." Wanda cut her off, her voice dangerously low. She had heard this speech so many times that it was painful to hear it again. "She needs you. She's dying and you need to accept it. You don't have much longer left with her and you're abandoning her when you should be with her 24/7!" Wanda's eyes glowed slightly red as she thought of all the times she had to watch her best friend realise the love of her life wasn't there with her. The cutlery began to shake a little and something fell over in the kitchen.

The crash that you heard woke you up. Maybe it was Natasha. You hobbled out of what was supposed to be your shared room, and made your way to the kitchen. By the time you had reached the kitchen, everyone was fighting. There was food being thrown, knives being grabbed and glasses shattering everywhere. You just stood there as your best friend and your girlfriend attempted to kill each other.

"guys stop." Your throat hurt from hours of throwing up so your voice didn't carry.

"guys really..." You tried again, tears forming in your eyes. You didn't want to spend your last days watching your loved ones fight.

"FRIDAY tell them to stop. please."

"Miss Y/l/n would like you all to stop. Now."

Everyone turned to the doorway where you were standing, horrified that you saw them fighting.

"Y/n, you need to get to bed sweetie." Wanda walked over to you, wrapping her arm around your waist.

"Don't touch her." Natasha stormed over, taking your other side.

"Ladies there's no need to fight. You can share right?" You let out a soft laugh and watched as they both melted. Just because you were dying, it didn't mean you lost your sense of humour.

They both took you back to your shared room, Wanda leaving to give you and Natasha some privacy.

"Please don't go anymore." You laid with your head on Natasha's chest, her hand stroking your hair.

"But I'm so close. I can cure you Y/n."

"Natty please. I can tell I don't have much longer left and I don't know if I'll still be here for when you come back if you leave again."

"But I can't lose you." Natasha whispered, scared that if she spoke any louder, some other power would hear her and take you away from her too soon.

"So stay with me."

~~~~~

It was strange, you thought, lying on your bed; you had always thought you would die doing something spontaneous, or maybe in the field. Not because your cells were abnormal. Natasha had spent every moment with you since she returned 5 months ago. You had planned everything; your funeral, little messages to each of them, where to bury you. Everything was sorted. All that was left now, was to die.

It was an ordinary Wednesday afternoon when you felt the last drops of life drain from you. You knew it was time and so you turned to Natasha who had you wrapped up in her arms, placing a hand on her face, the rest of the Avengers all sitting there quietly.

“When the time is right, we’ll be together again. I’ll always be with you.” You then let your eyes drift shut, never to open again. Not in this world, anyway, but perhaps in the next.

A/N pt 2: NOOO BUT WHY AM I CRYING. THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT WAY AROUND. We've got some Peggy Carter fluff coming up soon tho :)

Also here is the request:

A Natasha x fem!reader. Reader was one of THE best shield agents and a great member of the avengers, but sadly had genetic cancer. After fighting for two years, with nausea, pain, and no improvement, reader knew she was dying. She didn’t want to admit it, especially after all the team has done to help her, especially her girlfriend, Natasha Romanoff. No amount of treatment or amount of money or technology Tony had was gonna save her. In the end, reader comes to terms with it. But Natasha doesn’t want reader to give up. Reader get through to Natasha that she wants to spend her last moments with her without putting more strain on her body. Natasha then comes to terms with it. Eventually, on readers death bed, surrounded by the rest of the avengers, Natasha is holding reader in her arms as reader says goodbye and looks to Natasha and says “When the time is right, we’ll be together again. I’ll always be with you” (GO NUTS AND MAKE IT ANGSTY)

[thecatprince]

How to say I love you without ever saying it at all

Read on AO3

Summary:  I love you. Virgil has always struggled with saying those words. Roman has been hurt by them one too many times. However some things don't need to expressed through words.

Pairings: Prinxiety

Warnings: Slight Janus and Patton negativity (Janus moreso than Patton), roman is very angsty, i think that is about it!

Authors Notes: Another Post-POF/FWSA Prinxiety fic? You’d better believe it! (This is the only thing I know how to write now aalhdjhakfjadhf) This is a little different from my usual style of writing, so I hpe you enjoy! If you like this fic then please leave a comment or reblog as that makes my day! 

---

I love you.

Virgil had always struggled with saying those words. Something about the weight of them and what they meant and implied, felt too much and tended to cause him anxiety. He opted to show his feelings instead, showing his love and care through actions, doing and saying other things that help to convey his emotions towards others.

I love you, he said as he hung out with Patton, talking about feelings and eating cookies. I love you, he said as he listened to Logan talk about the latest book he had read. I love you, he said as he sat with Roman, allowing the creative side to do his makeup and paint his nails, talking about Disney and swapping nicknames as they did so. He never said any of those things out loud, but he always felt it, and he knew they knew.

--

I love you. Roman hated those words. He had once loved them, the way they sounded, the way it provided a sense of warmth, the weight of them and how they could easily express want, comfort, support, friendship and, well, love. That was, until those words had been weaponised.

“Oh Roman, you know I love you.”

Those words were cold, slippery, smooth and hurtful. Roman knew love, one of his functions was literally romantic love, and this wasn’t it. No one who loved someone would hurt them this way, poke at their insecurities, build them up just to knock them down, use them and then leave them in the dust. To Roman, those words coming from his mouth sounding meaningless. Cold. Fake. Sharp. Those words hurt.

Roman desperately wanted to believe Patton when he said he loved him. He wanted to run into Patton’s arms, have Patton hold him while he cried, comfort him with cookies and a smile. But Patton had stood by. He had let this happen. He had moved forward, understood everything quicker than Roman, had hurt Roman and then left him behind. He wanted to believe Patton loved him, but he didn’t even say anything while Janus stood there and tore him down.

“We love you kiddo.”

“You know I love you.”

Those words, used again and again, with no real proof of any actual meaning. Roman wanted to believe them, believe that they loved him and that he was loveable, but when he heard those words all he could think about was how much they had hurt him.

Roman had sunk out and had barely made it to his room before he broke down, shaking as sobs wracked his body, feeling weak, fragile and broken. He had felt useless, worthless, wrong and hurt. He had felt more alone than ever, used, broken and left behind by everyone who had said they had loved him.

Except for Virgil.

Virgil and Roman had never really gotten along in the past, often at each other’s throats, there desires conflicting in almost every scenario. But, slowly and gradually, they grew closer. It started small, talking about neutral topics like Disney or favourite foods, teasing each other in a friendly manner, and then slowly talking about bigger issues, what they wanted, their goals in life. They started to hang out, spend hours doing each other’s makeup and watching The Nightmare Before Christmas so much they could recite it by heart. And in the midst of the chaos, the pain and the insecurity Roman was feeling, Virgil came and helped him.

Virgil had seen the signs. The way Roman put up a wall of dramatics and theatrics to hide his insecurities, the way he insulted people to drive them away, the way he made fun of things he loved to lessen the pain when others did it, the way he continuously and repeatedly got pushed down, brushed off, manipulated and made mistakes. Virgil had seen the hurt in his eyes when someone rejected an idea of his. He had seen Roman flinch whenever Janus spoke. He had seen the raw pain and heartbreak in his face when he found Roman after Janus’ acceptance, seen the broken shell of a side who was formerly strong and proud and brave.

And Virgil knew. He knew that he had to save Roman. Because he had been down that path. He had thought no one had loved him, that they didn’t care or hated him, that they didn’t need him, or were better off without him. He could see Roman going down the same path and knew it was only a matter of time before Roman was gone.

So when Virgil found Roman alone in his room, body shaking as he cried, looking broken and weak, Virgil knew he needed to try and save him. He loved Roman, and he couldn’t stand to lose him, not after they had come so far. Virgil felt a need to protect him, to hold him and save him from the pain.

I love you, he told Roman as he held him close as he cried. I love you, he said as he rubbed circles on Roman’s back, gently wiping the tears from his cheeks. I love you, he thought, as he listened to Roman talk about everything he was feeling and thinking, knowing that he was only scratching the surface and that there was so much Roman was hiding. I love you, he said as he whispered words of comfort to the broken figure in his arms, holding him as close to his chest as he could, afraid that if he let go Roman would just break apart and disappear. “I’m here for you.” I love you. “It’s okay.” I love you. “You matter to me.” I love you. “I’m not leaving you.” I love you. “You’re my hero.” I love you. “You are amazing.” I love you. “You deserve so much love and happiness.” I love you. “You matter.” I love you. “I care about you.” I love you.

Roman had eventually fallen asleep, and Virgil had stayed the night, as if needing to protect him from every invisible force that could hurt him as he slept. And he never left. Day after day he stuck by Roman’s side, helping him pick up all the broken pieces of his life, sharing all of their scariest and darkest thoughts and all of times they felt worthless, useless, unwanted, unloved. Day by day they grew closer and closer, and slowly, gradually, naturally, Virgil found himself falling in love with Roman. He had always loved Roman, ever since they had all saved him from ducking out, but this was different. Being in love with Roman was warm, gentle, sweet, welcoming and natural.

And every day he showed it. He showed it by listening to Roman bare his soul to him late at night, when things were said that couldn’t be said during daylight. He showed it through staying with Roman for every step of the way, both of them leaning on each other for support and building each other up, piece by piece. He showed it by being there for Roman through the good and the bad, listening to Roman rant about whatever Disney movie, gay cartoon show or musical he was obsessed with at that moment, and comforting him when everything was too much and he broke down crying.

But Virgil could tell that Roman never really understood how much he cared, never really let himself believe that Virgil could care for him. He could see it in the way that Roman’s expression faltered whenever Virgil smiled at him, the way he cautiously smiled back, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards slightly before returning it with a sad grin. He noticed the emotions swimming in Roman’s eyes when he looked at him, the almost raw desperateness and dimming hope, as if almost wanting to believe something but not quite letting himself do so. And every time he noticed it, it broke his heart, but he didn’t give up. He would wait as long as it took for Roman to understand how much he loved him.

And then entered Nico. And Nico, well, he was simultaneously the best and worst thing that had ever happened to Thomas. The best because Nico brought Thomas such a sheer amount of excitement and happiness into his life that he had so desperately needed after the complete clusterfuck that was the wedding/callback situation. The worst because Nico brought change and change was scary. After this point there was no turning back. They were moving forward, into uncharted territory and it scared Virgil, more than anything. Not to mention the pain that they had felt at the last heartbreak, something Virgil wanted to avoid at all costs.

But Roman had looked so heartbroken, and he had gone through so much pain and hardship already, and he was just standing there, looking devastated and resigned. Virgil knew how much Roman wanted this, how much he craved this and how much he deserved it. Because Roman did deserve it. He deserved to be heard, to have happiness, to have his desires and wants and dreams be fulfilled, without being called selfish, bad, wrong, evil. What Roman wanted mattered, and Virgil could hardly stand the way he looked in that moment.

And so Virgil did the only thing he could do. And finally – finally - Roman understood. Roman looked at Virgil, the expression of brokenness and despair he had felt seconds ago morphing into one of disbelief and shock and eventually elation. Roman smiled, truly smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling up as he let out a huff of laughter, evidently over the moon. All Virgil could do was stare as Roman transformed from the broken man he had known to the dashing, lively, passionate prince he had always been. And Virgil knew that Roman understood.

The push, for Roman. A silent I love you.

A hand on his shoulder. That look on his face. The highest of compliments.

I love you too.

----

 Thanks for reading!! Feel free to leave comments, reblogs or thoughts as that is greatly appreciated!!

[hello-im-not-a-possum]

18. Skeleton

Buddy and Sammy find the “goldfish room” as the latter calls it, AKA the closet where Joey keeps his skeletons, literally. And in the process, Buddy learns about a few of the skeletons in Sammy’s metaphorical closet. (Set during ink hell, pre loop, post Buddy befriending the lost ones/searchers.)

The Prophet was a strange ally.

It was weird to work alongside someone who worships the guy who tore you in half and is the biggest reason why you’re stuck in a nightmarish, inescapable studio, especially when it wasn’t the nicest or friendliest person before getting claimed by the ink. (Although, as he thought back on it, had he ever met Sammy before it was claimed by the Ink?)

But ANY ally was better than an enemy, especially when that ally knows the studio better than anyone else down here. Besides, it seemed like the Ink man was either unaware of their past or didn’t even know who they used to be, and even if it did, it wasn’t angry about their past issues.

At the same time, working on scavenging trips with the former musician was a nightmare; it was way too tranquil about the situation, and there were too many weird murderous monsters that the wolf and gofer were aware of.

“I do not need to run, little wolf. I can evade these creatures without issue through my Lord’s gift.” The Prophet calmly stated as Buddy gestured confusion about why it didn’t run when the pair heard something that sounded suspiciously like the projectionist’s screams. “Besides, running through these halls is risky, I would be heard by those… more unsavory denizens of this studio and get ambushed by them.”

He wished his typewriter was quieter in instances like this, being able to type out ‘But what if you get caught by your lord?’ and other messages to hand to him without risking alerting the Ink Demon would be great. Or just having his voice back in general.

“If my Lord decides to send me back to the puddles, then it is his right to do so to prove I have changed.” He answered the unspoken question. “But it does mean that I have to work harder to get him to notice how much I have improved, get him to notice me…” 

‘Please don’t read my mind unless I give you the “go for it” gesture. It’s creepy otherwise.’

“My apologies, little wolf, while your thoughts come in quieter than everybody else’s… they’re still noticeable, especially when it’s just the two of us.”

Buddy hesitantly nodded and just tried to lead the Prophet out of the ransacked room to look for more stray supplies.

A few more hours of searching lead the pair to a locked room, something that experience told him meant that either it was another dead end or a hidden treasure trove of supplies, and not wanting to go back to the safe house empty handed, he was ready to roll those dice.

Buddy gestured for the Prophet to stand guard as he picked the door’s lock, and as the door slowly creaked open, he was thankful that he couldn’t speak because the scream that came out from his mouth would’ve been loud enough to alert every monster in the studio.

The former gofer felt sick to his stomach when he saw them. Piles upon piles of rotting, mangled, corpses. Human Corpses, not toony corpses like the other Borises or the butchered up members of the Butcher gang. Most of them were unrecognizable, partly because he had never seen most of these people in his life, and partly because they had decayed so much that what remained was hard to figure out who was who and what. The oldest corpses were nothing but skeletons and clothes, and the freshest one looked like…

...Like his own body.

“The goldfish room...” The prophet muttered loud enough for Buddy to hear, startling the poor pup out of his skin as he didn’t hear him enter behind him.

The wolf shuddered and continued to scour the room for anything worth the hassle of all of this. Boris wanted to take a few of the bones, which Buddy unenthusiastically obliged.

“Don’t eat those!” The Prophet interjected so loudly and harshly that it startled both the former gofer and the wolf toon. The ink creature’s anger was so much scarier with how rare it was to see now. “Especially not him! He’s my-” The Prophet stopped itself by covering its ‘mouth’ with its hands as if it was about to reveal a big secret and just took the skeletal arm out of Buddy’s hands and put it back where he found it. Its voice went back to it’s normal calm tone that reminded him of someone who was on the verge of falling asleep, but Buddy heard somberness in the musician’s pitch. “...they’re unclean...”

‘Prophet?’ Buddy gave him the “go ahead, read my mind” gesture. ‘Prophet, what is this place? Who are these people?’

“...You’ve seen your own corpse among them, correct?”

Buddy nodded.

“I know you’ve met Joey, but tell me; ...Has he ever called you ‘Henry’ before?”

‘Yes he has, but what does that have to do with…’ he gestured at the bodies on the floor ‘this?!’

“Henry’s been gone for a long time now.” The prophet stated, but there was a hint of recollection in his tone that weakened the calmness, and the more he talked, the more broken (for lack of a better term) his voice became. “Do you think that you were Joey’s first replacement goldfish? That after Henry left the studio, you were Joey’s only other other Henry?”

Buddy’s ears began ringing and he heard music; it was loud, distorted, fast-paced, and all over the place, the type of music that makes your heart pound out of your chest and makes your hackles stand up, the type of music that tells you to run, but doesn’t clue you in to where or why. The prophet’s body started to shake and tremble.

“The first Other-Henry was actually named Henry as well. And like his predecessor, was an excellent artist who really connected with the characters...”

‘Sammy? What’s going on? do you hear this too?!’

“But unlike Stein, Ross was a very stubborn person who refused to let anyone push him around, especially by either Joey or myself. Surprisingly, I liked that man, but he didn’t last long...”

Fear kept Buddy’s legs frozen to the ground as he covered his ears in a fruitless attempt to muffle the music, it felt like it was being played directly in his head, and then it clicked when the whispers started up, whispers in their tone, but not in volume, they were loud enough to drown out parts of what the Prophet was saying;

‘Sammy help us!’

“The next one was more like you, a younger, less experienced and more skittish person, his first name was ‘Lawrence’ so everyone called him ‘Larry’ to avoid confusion...”

‘Sammy, where are you?’

“...But he was also too nosy for that poor boy’s own good.”

‘you’re too weak!’

“The one after that was a scatterbrained fellow, very passionate about his work but didn’t focus very much on one topic or another...”

The Prophet’s monologue was completely drowned out by the music and chorus of desperate and angry “Other Henries” at this point. Buddy knew he was still talking because of the musician’s gestures, but didn’t hear a single word out of him. 

‘Saaaaaammyyyyyyy....’ ‘You’re such a spineless coward...’ ‘Sammy please save us..!’ ‘Why did you let Joey kill us?’ ‘The ink... it’s so cold...’ ‘No wonder Susie hates you so much...’ ‘Sammy, please! It hurts!’ ‘Why did you let us die?’ ‘Why won’t you help us?’ ‘You’re no better than Joey.’ ‘Sammy, help us!’ ‘I thought you loved me...’ ‘Sammy, help us!’ ‘You promised me that you’d always be there!’ ‘Sammy, help us!’ ‘They were right about you...’ ‘Sammy, help us!’ ‘Saaaaaammyyyyyyy....’

He knew that the lost ones, searchers and Prophet could hear each others’ thoughts, but didn’t understand what that was like until now that he was hearing Sammy’s thoughts. No wonder most of them were always so depressed and on edge...

‘Sammy?’ the gofer shook Sammy gently, only to hear his own voice join the chorus of other Henries as one of the ones who sounded like he was mad at him. ‘Sammy, snap out of it!’ he shook the Prophet harder, still not waking the Ink creature out of its trance. ‘SAMMY!’ Doing the first thing that came to mind out of desperation, Buddy slapped the mask clean off of it.

The music and voices died as if they were a candle light snuffed out by the wind.

For a few seconds that felt more like hours, Buddy and Sammy stared at each other in silence before Sammy put its mask back on as if nothing happened and led the toon wolf out of the goldfish room, took a key out of its pocket and locked it behind them.

-----

Back in the safe house, Buddy started up a pot of bacon soup, the stuff tasted a little bit better when it was hot while Sammy tuned the banjo in the dining area and Dot tried to stir up conversation.

“So... how did the supply run go?”

“Fine.”

Buddy involuntarily let out a snort as he took the soup off the stove and took out his typewriter.

[It was the scariest one we’ve ever done so far.

While looking around for stuff, we ended up in this place S The Prophet called ‘the Goldfish room’ and it was filled with dead bodies. HUMAN dead bodies. And mine was in the pile! I couldn’t tell if it was haunted or if it was just the prophet’s thoughts going]

“Little wolf, I do not wish to think about that room again...”

[Sorry.]

The wolf sheepishly put the typewriter to the side and poured the soup into bowls. As the toon and lost one ate, the prophet mostly just stared into his bowl as if he was watching something in it.

“...Before my enlightenment, I was not a good person.” The masked musician stated unprompted.

“Huh?”

“I wasn’t an evil person per say, and I wouldn’t go as far as to call the man I used to be a monster.” He sighed and adjusted his mask. “But I was certainly a bad person, an asshole, a coward who hid behind physical strength, and I had more vices than virtues.”

[Prophet, what are you talking about?]

“I’m trying to answer the questions I know you have before either of you two pester them out of me. Maybe when you’re sated my Lord will allow me to forget again.”

[Are you sure? you seemed really upset back ...there.]

“Well look at it this way, maybe getting it off your chest will help you feel better about it?”

“I suppose...” The prophet sighed again.

“So what does you being a crackhead before finding the Ink Demon Religion have to do with a room full of dead bodies?”

“Dorthy!”

“...I’ll just listen before asking anything else.”

“Thank you.” It readjusted its mask. “Now where was I...” it hummed to itself for a bit before speaking again, with venom slowly but surly pooling into its words. “I had more vices than virtues, and Joey could see all of both, using my virtues to his advantage, and using my vices against myself, he did everything he could to keep me from leaving him too, and it worked.”

The prophet took in a deep breath to stabilize itself.

“Every time I tried to leave, he did something else to make me stay; ‘I love you’s turned to gifts, gifts to false promises, false promises to threats, threats to blackmail, blackmail to going through with it, and when he felt me slipping through his fingers he turned to taking advantage of my addictions... That... monster was a parasite in all aspects except physically... And I didn’t even notice until I might as well have been a walking corpse as I was seeing others march to my fate, but I couldn’t even so much as squeak out a warning without Joey swooping in on his behalf. Some Henries, heads of the art department, didn’t need to be warned by me as they found out what would await them and fled. But Joey didn’t like that... When I tried to warn the ones who needed to be warned, it was easy for him to dismiss me as a loon, a drunk, and an addict, until eventually I just gave up. I couldn’t even save myself, let alone anyone else... let alone the other art departments...”

“...I just stopped trying to keep Joey from leading the sheep to the slaughter, maybe they’re right to be angry at me for being such a coward...”

It then turned to face the wolf and put its hand on his shoulder.

“You’ve asked yourself if you’ve ever met me before the Ink had claimed me, as for that, I don’t know, nor do I think it matters, Buddy. I was nothing but a shallow and beaten husk of myself long before I even had tasted the ink. Even if you met me before then, you only met a ghost, not a person.”

The three then stayed in silence for a while before the clicks of Buddy’s typewriter caught the other two’s attention.

[Well, if it helps you any I think you’re not as bad of a person as you tell yourself you used to be.]

“And I don’t need to hear everyone’s thoughts to know that you’ve really stepped up to the plate when it counted. I don’t think a coward would try to do have the stuff you’re doing now.”

“Thanks you two” The Prophet’s voice cracked with emotion. “That... that really means a lot to me.”

[diosaadivina]

You & I : A Tokka Short

(Legend of Korra, Book One, Yakone’s trial flashback)

They’d done it. Yakone was finally under arrest and his day in court was set in just a few days. 

“I’ve beaten every trumped-up judge you yahoos have brought against me... and I’ll beat this one too.” Toph knew not this time, this time would be different because he, Sokka, was back as head councilman. 

After an active and exciting arrest, Toph spends the rest of her night at her apartment with Lin. Having their usual tea after dinner, they acknowledge familiar footsteps at the door with their seismic sense. 

“Sokka’s coming!” Toph abruptly states as she sits up excitingly from her relaxed state. She couldn’t help but smile as she remembered the exact reaction she experienced all those years ago during the war. When she realized just how complete and at ease she felt with Sokka’s presence, and how incomplete she felt without it. 

Now, at forty years old, she still gets as excited as she did when she was twelve.

“How are my two favorite earthbenders this evening?” Sokka asks as he makes his way in the room. Lin runs straight into his arms while Toph makes her way to greet him the same. Despite secretly living together for a year now, this was still one of her favorite moments of the day. 

“Mom finally did it!” Lin states as Sokka picks her up, “Her and uncle Aang finally caught the bad guy!!” Despite already knowing the good news, Sokka couldn’t help but join in on Lin’s excitement. 

Toph reassures, “Remember Lin we just arrested him, once he’s proven guilty in court, then this nightmare will really be over.”

Sokka knew the day would come when justice would be served, and he was ecstatic to be the one to determine Yakone’s fate in just a few days. He places his hand onto the small of Toph’s back and moves it gently up and down, a gesture of reassurance that he will make life in Republic City for everyone - and especially for themselves - much more peaceful. They have hidden their relationship from the public for over a year, awaiting for this moment that will bring more ease into their lives. 

After tucking Lin into bed, Toph makes her way into the bedroom and finds Sokka making his way to the bed. 

“There’s something I need to tell you Sokka...” Toph exhales as she sits down on his side of the bed, she feels her own heartbeat begin to accelerate. Sokka notices and distinguishes her facial expression right away, she’s worried. 

“Toph, if this is about the upcoming trial, you have nothing to worry about..” He instantly grabs her hand closest to him, “You and I both know how hard you’ve been busting it out there trying to stop him and his plays-” 

“It’s not about the trial or about Yakone...” Toph lets out a sigh and she takes in a deep breath. Sokka, now concerned, instantly reaches for her other hand, uncertain of what could be worrying her. 

Toph’s heart is practically beating out from her robe as she breathes out, “Sokka, I-I’m pregnant.”

Sokka felt his heart stop for a second, which felt more like an hour. She’s preg- pregnant?...we- we’re pregnant? Toph breaks the silence as she literally only feels his heart rate begin to increase, not feeling the butterflies in his stomach and happiness consuming him internally. 

“I know this is horrible timing, with current events and Republic City’s most important trial coming up...I just couldn’t go on without telling you.” She professes, her voice begins to shake, “I-I’m so sorry this happened Sokka, I-” Sokka cuts her off by bringing her into his arms, holding tightly onto her. He is filled with so much emotion that his tears begin to stream down his face and onto her shoulders. 

“Don’t, you dare apologize..” Sokka murmurs. Toph, now feeing and understanding his reaction, closes her eyes as she lets out a sigh as well as her own tears of happiness. Moments pass as they’re still tightly concealed in eachothers arms, taking in this moment together. A baby, they simultaneously thought to themselves. In times of uncertainty, they somehow knew that everything was going to be alright because they had eachother.

(Day of Yakone’s trial)

Toph and Sokka secretly meet in his office before making their way into the courtroom. 

“I can’t believe we’ve made it here, together...” Sokka says as they holds hands. “All this time we, especially you, have been trying to put Yakone in his place. Now I am here to ensure that justice is done and that Republic City sleeps soundly from now on. Not to mention, that we move onto this new chapter of our lives in peace.” Sokka places his hand onto Toph’s still flat stomach, trying to assure her and their unborn child, safety. 

“I think you should know by now that you and I make a great team Sokka.” Toph affirms as she gently squeezes his hands. 

“You’re right, history has shown that you and I - are invincible..” He can’t help but recall all those years ago when they were able to stop those fleet of firenation airships. “...I know I am invincible, as long as I am with you.” 

Toph brings herself into his arms, “Must you have to be extra mushy before we  step out to probably the most important moment of our careers? Also, it doesn't help that I am more emotional these days.” She says as she tries to not tear up. She raises her head up to him and Sokka places his hand onto her cheek, “But I dont care, I cant wait to hear you kill it out there, councilman. And I can’t wait for us to live our lives.”

“Me too..” Sokka leans down and gently places a kiss onto her forehead, “Now lets go and serve some justice!” 

“Councilman Sokka will now deliver the verdict.”

Sokka opens his eyes and lets out a breath, “In my years, I’ve encountered people born with rare and unique bending abilities. I once bested a man with my trusty boomerang who was able to firebend, with his mind...” Despite mentioning another unique bender or bending ability, he finds the moment to praise his favorite unique bender of all time. “...Why, even metalbending was considered impossible for all of history - until our esteemed Cheif of Police, Toph Beifong, single-handedly developed the skill....” Toph can’t help but enjoy the spotlight for a moment as never gets tired of Sokka showing his admiration of her abilities, it was their thing. “...The overwhelming amount of testimonial evidence has convinced this council that Yakone is one of these unique benders and he’s exploited his ability to commit these heinus crimes... We find Yakone, guilty of all charges and sentence him to life in prison.” As soon as Sokka slams the gavel, he can’t help but feel proud of himself by his improvement in public speaking. Finally, it was over. Yakone had lost and this nightmare was over, or so they thought. 

It all happened so fast. Before the next steps could be taken, Yakone had unleashed his sinister ability of mind-controlled bloodbending. With Sokka naturally being his first target, it took a moment before the room was able to comprehend what was unfolding in front of them. Toph felt her heart stop when she felt Sokka’s desperation, him being succumbed to Yakone’s evil power. She’s never witnessed Sokka in this state before or any bloodbending in person for that matter. Once she caught onto what was going on and that the entire council was now victimized, she tried to stop him but all it took was one look from him for her to feel the wrath of his power. 

NO! Sokka yelled to himself in his head as he watched this nightmare unfold in front of his eyes. Toph! She’s never experienced this before..., he thought to himself. He was so sure she would have never go through this horror, ever. And now that she was, in this malicious way, he felt so helpless. I- I need to do something. His first instinct was to always protect her when she was at her most vulnerable, and now that she was, he couldn’t do anything but watch. 

This- this can’t be happening right now. I really... hate this... Toph barley thinks to herself. No! I- I can’t let him free, she says in her head as she realizes his plan. Then, in an instant, she becomes completely blind. Yakone progressed his control over Toph by making her reach for the keys to his escape and bringing her towards him, effortlessly. Toph recalls never feeling this scared since her last traumatic experience hanging on the side of the airship all those years ago. At the very least, she had Sokka and his words to prep her for what was to come, he was her sight in that moment. Here, she didn’t know what to expect, her fate was literally in the hands of Yakone. That wasn’t even the scariest and worst part of all this, she was no longer fearing for herself but for someone else.

The baby!! Sokka thinks to himself. His strife amplified immensely as the thought of his unborn child came to his head. His heart felt like it was slowly being ripped out in front of him as he watched the monster bring Toph towards him. No no no, please- the baby...let them go NOW!! He can only manage to say in his head. As soon as Yakone sets himself free, he proceeds to knock out nearly everyone in the courtroom. Sokka really felt his heart stop as he literally saw his life flash in front of his eyes and collapse onto the ground - unconscious. 

He knew that him and Aang would be the last ones standing due to their experience with bloodbending decades ago. Yet, his extra time didn’t last long as he began to feel himself slowly fade away. His last image before falling unconscious was exchanging a look with Aang then, onto his heart, laying out cold- in front of him on the floor.

Moments passed until Sokka regained consciousness, he was the first one awake. Instinctively, he ran towards Toph who was still knocked out on the ground. He quickly took her into his arms and couldn’t help but search for a pulse. He didn’t want to imagine the worse, but from what he witnessed, she took it the hardest. Despite being one of the strongest person he knows, he didn’t know how her body would have responded - especially since she was pregnant. His hand moves towards her lower abdomen, hoping that their unborn child was unharmed. He can’t ignore the immense guilt beginning to consume him. 

A few more moments pass and Toph begins to wake. Sokka watches as she slowly opens her eyes and moves her hands to where Sokka has his placed. Toph seems to hold her breath but lets out a relieved sigh as she places her hand there. Sokka seems to read her expression clear as day, and they were okay. 

“The baby is okay, I can feel it’s heartbeat..” Toph reassures to Sokka, she seems to have read his mind. “Toph-...” Sokka can’t seem to put his words together, he was still trying to recover from this scare. Toph reaches and touches his face, “I’m okay Sokka, we’re okay. Man, that really is the worst feeling in the world.” He brings her into a tight hug and whispers, “I love you.”

Toph answers, “I love you Sokka.” In that moment she didn’t think about where Yakone was, Aang was gone too and she knew Aang well enough to know that he’d for sure stop him. She only cared that the life growing inside of her was still there, as well as Sokka’s and her own well-being. 

Sokka says into her ear, “See? I told you we’re invincible.” Toph smiles and responds, “We are, together.”

[supergirl-writingz]

Kidnapped Part 2

B!D deals with recovery.

Note: the doctor being named dr grey isnt actually like mer or lexie i literally just watch too much greys and couldnt think of another name haha also THANK U FOR BEING SO PATIENT W ME im really proud of this fic tbh and i hope u guys like it:) remember requests are always open

Warning: trauma, anxiety, therapy

It’s been about one week since you were rescued. You were doing okay. Everyone was trying to convince you to see someone, to talk about what you went through. You didn’t get why. You realized you have been through something tragic, but wouldn’t it be easier to just put it in the past? 

Physically, you still had a long way to go. You were still cooped up at the DEO and you would be for a little bit longer. You had bruises everywhere, 2 broken ribs, a concussion, and a broken bone in your foot. But Lena assured you that you were healing properly. You trusted her.

Your least favorite part about everything, was the way people were treating you. They treated you as if you were glass, and if they spoke to loud or even held your hand, they would break you. You didn’t feel broken and you didn’t get why everyone wanted you to be. Lena was the only one who would tell you things how they were, straightforward with no holding back. You appreciated it. 

Lena walked into the room, “Hey hun can we talk?”

You nodded, “Of course Lena what’s up?”

Lena sat at the edge of your bed, “Darling I think you need to see someone, you-”

“Not you too” you interrupted rolling your eyes, “I’m fine, I don’t need to see anyone”

Lena was patient with you, with a calm voice she said, “Y/N you can’t keep bottling up your emotions, it’s not healthy. If you don’t let this out you’re gonna have a breakdown. You’re not fine and thats okay.”

“I am fine” you snapped at her.

“Y/N, you are scared to sleep without sedatives and you haven’t talked about what happened to you at all. Let me help you, please talk to me, or Kara or Alex or a specialist. Please”

You turned your head away from her. You were embarrassed but it was true, you were scared of going to bed without them.

“Don’t sedate me tonight, I’ll sleep just fine”

Lena sighed, “Okay”

As she walked out she turned around and said, “You know we’re all just trying to do what’s best for you right?”

You didn’t answer. Lena walked out looking sad and defeated. You felt bad, she’s helped you so much. But you were tired of people saying you weren’t okay. You thought about sleeping tonight without the sedatives, truthfully you were nervous but you didn’t tell anyone. Tonight was Kara’s turn to sleep in your room, and she always made you feel safe. 

Later that night, around 11, you finally fell asleep after tossing and turning for a couple hours. 

All of the sudden you woke up with a start not knowing where you were. You were screaming and your heart rate was through the roof. Kara instantly got up and rushed to you.

“Y/N baby it’s just a dream! You’re okay!” she said calmly but loud enough so it would get through to you.

It didn’t help. You were starting to hyperventilate. Kara put her face directly in front of yours.

“Look at my sweetheart, breathe like I do” Kara said, breathing in and out slowly for me to follow.

You looked Kara in the eyes and started following her breathing. 5 minutes later you were breathing normally. Lena and Alex came rushing in, someone must have called them.

“Baby what happened?” Alex asked with a concerned tone. 

Tears were building up in your eyes, “I- I was back there.. in my dream”.

“The room where it all happened?” Lena asked. You nodded, tears starting to come quicker

“It was so real, I could feel every punch, every kick. It was like I was back there.” you said, at this point you were sobbing. 

Alex came close to you and put her hand to your cheek, “You’re safe now Y/N, he can’t hurt you anymore”

You pulled Alex closer and cried into the crook of her neck. While Kara was strong and comforting, there was something about Alex that made you feel powerful and in control. She was such a good directer at the DEO, even if things in her life were bad. Even when everything was going wrong, she had control. You needed that. You needed to be in control of your emotions, but you didn’t know how. You realized now everyone was right, you weren’t okay. But you still didn’t like the idea of seeing a therapist of any kind. You just couldn’t imagine talking to a complete stranger about things you can’t talk about to the people closest to you. 

You started to calm down and stopped crying. You looked up at Lena.

“I’m so sorry Lena”, you said.

“Darling you have nothing to be sorry for” she replied softly.

“I was so rude to you, you were just trying to help” you replied guiltily.

“You’re struggling little one, whether you know it or not, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. After what you’ve been through, we’d be more concerned if you weren’t struggling” Kara said.

“We just want you to feel better and we want you to know you have our constant support” Alex said.

You looked down and smiled softly. You didn’t know what you would do without these people. You didn’t think therapy was for you, but it seems like it would make them feel better, and who knows maybe it would make you feel better too. 

“I’ll see someone”, you said quietly, “if you guys really think it will be good”

Alex smiled and said, “We’re only asking that you try”. 

You got in a couple more hours of sleep before day time had come and it was too bright to sleep. You heard a knock at the door and looked up to see Lena and another woman you didn’t recognize. 

“Hey hun, this is Dr. Grey, she works with people who have been through trauma” Lena said, trying not to overwhelm you.

She smiled a bright smile and said, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you”

You took a breath and remembered how you told Lena and your sisters you would give it a try. 

You reached out your hand and said “Hi, I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you too”

Dr. Grey shook your hand then told you that Lena or your sisters could stay in the room, or it could be just them. You decided to give it a try alone with Dr. Grey. Lena understood and wished you good luck before leaving. You took a deep breath, talking to this stranger was making you feel anxious. You and Dr. Grey started talking, and quickly you felt more comfortable. You guys didn’t talk much about the kidnapping, she mostly just wanted to know your home and social life. You told her pretty much everything, from your sisters, your friends, Lena, and school. Dr. Grey was pretty easy to talk to. The only time the kidnapping did come up was when she suggested that you talk to your sisters or Lena about what happened. She said if it was out in the open, you might feel better. She made it very clear though that you should wait until you were ready. And just like that, your hour session was over before you knew it.

“Thank you Dr. Grey” you said.

She smiled warmly, “So we’ll be meeting again?”

You returned her smile and nodded. 

About 2 weeks later, you were sitting in your bed at the DEO. You have been seeing Dr. Grey daily and it was helping a lot. All of the sudden Kara walked in and you smiled at her asked her to bring Alex and Lena into the room. Kara smiled and nodded, walking out of the room to get them. A few moments later, the three women walked in. 

“So Dr. Grey thought that I should talk to at least someone about what happened, other than her. And I trust you guys more than anyone, so I want to tell you guys” you say, starting to feel a little anxious.

“That’s very sweet darling but we don’t wanna push you into talking about something you’re not ready to talk about” Lena said concerned.

You smiled, “I’m ready”, and they nodded.

You told them everything, from you walking home from school, to the guy grabbing you, to your surroundings, and on and on. You told them how they wanted to know who Supergirl was, and you shot Kara a warm look almost saying, ‘This isn’t your fault’. Kara gave you a small yet guilty smile. You took a deep breath as you started to talk about the torture. Your hands were shaking so Alex grabbed them into hers. You didn’t even realize you were crying until Kara wiped a tear from your cheek. You told them everything... you told them the beatings, about the whips and taser. You told them about the hunger, and how cold it was. You told them how you were so hopped up on drugs, you couldn’t even remember how you got there. 

“The scariest part was when I lost hope, I truly thought I was gonna die there” you said. You finally looked up at them, Kara was crying just as much as you were. Lena and Alex had some tears too, but you could tell they were trying to be strong. You grabbed Kara’s hands and looked her in the eyes.

“But you saved me Kara, you’re the reason I’m still here” you said softly.

Kara pulled you into a hug and you felt her warmth and comfort, which then turned into pain from your ribs.

“Kara.. too tight” you said chuckling.

“Sorry” she laughed immediately letting go. The four of you sat there in silence for a while, enjoying each others company. Dr. Grey was right, you did feel better putting it all out there. 

A few weeks later, you were making great progress. You were still having nightmares, but not every night. The anxiety meds you were taking were starting to help with the panic attacks too. You were still at the DEO, but you were starting to walk around though, with a boot and crutches. Your ribs were almost healed and your concussion was all gone. 

You were doing great with Dr. Grey too. The only thing she was concerned with was that you didn’t want to leave the DEO. Of course you wanted to be at home, but you couldn’t get yourself to step out of the building. You felt safe in there. You had this fear that the man who took you would be out there, even though you knew he was in custody. Everyone tried to get you just to go on a simple walk outside, but your anxiety would kick in before you even got the chance. Today was going to be different, today you were determined to go outside. You haven’t been outside since Kara flew you to the DEO the day of the kidnapping, and you were barely conscious.. but today was different. 

You asked Kara, Alex, and Lena if you could all go on a walk. They gave a little surprised look but didn't say anything, they probably didn’t want you to overthink it, but they realized how big of a deal this was. You guys were having a normal conversation, walking through the DEO. You stopped when you reached the exit. You felt Kara give your hand a little squeeze, letting you know that it’s okay. You took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked outside. 

You were surprised as you felt the fresh air in your lungs. Everything looked greener than you remember. You spent so much time in the DEO, that you forgot there was life outside of the grey and dark building. You looked around at all the people, talking and laughing, and you were amazed at how good it felt. You quickly started to cry and turned back to your sisters and Lena.

“Oh baby why are you crying?” Alex asked softly, “Do you wanna go back inside?”

These were happy tears. 

“I’m finally free from him” you said smiling, wiping the tears from your face. 

They all smiled at you and were so proud of your strength and perseverance. You had a lot to work through still, but this was a break through. This was the first time since the kidnapping, that you were 100% sure that you would make it through this. You pulled them into group hug, silently thanking them for never leaving your side.

[shinsorokiri]

UA Idol | Chapter Nine

Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

Word Count: 1,532

Warnings: Language

A/N: This is just kind of a filler chapter, I promise that the next chapter is the beginning of ~Hell Week~ and I am having a blast writing it. I’m gonna have to use so many descriptor words, I have so many ideas for how all these performances look and II just need to write them DOWN. I hope you enjoy this chapter!! And thank you for the support to everyone who keeps reading it, you mean the world to me 🥺(Also out of curiosity should I draw Mina and Denki like I imagine them in this AU too?? Would that be a thing anyone is interested in??? Let me know!!)

───────────────────────────────────

Shinsou felt someone shake his shoulder, making his eyes shoot open. He’d fallen asleep, apparently. “I’m so sorry sir, but we’re going to be landing soon, and you and your girlfriend don’t have your seatbelts on…” she explains, and he raises his eyebrow. Girlfriend? He doesn’t have a… oh my GOD your head is on his shoulder and you’re sleeping on him. And his head is on top of yours. “Uh… sorry,” he mumbles, his face turning a bright red. “It’s alright, sir, just buckle up, okay?” He nods, gently shaking you awake, but you mumble something about 5 more minutes, shifting and burying your face deeper in his neck. He feels the blush on his face flood throughout his body, and his heart speeds up.

He did NOT want to move you. He wanted to let you cuddle him and let him hold you forever, but unfortunately the plane was going to land and as much as he wanted to stay close to you, he also didn’t want you to fly out of your seat and hit your head and die. “Come on, kitten, you need to put your seatbelt on,” he says, gently shaking you again. You shake your head, a small yawn leaving your mouth until you realize just who exactly you were laying on. This causes your spine to go rigid and you sit straight up, trying to hide the ever-present embarrassment showing on your face. “Seatbelt, (Y/n/n),” Shinsou says, buckling his and pretending like he, too, wasn’t the shade of a literal tomato. You nod, quickly buckling up and looking over at him. “So, um… we slept for a long time,” you say, and he nods. “Yep. Yeah, we did. Best sleep I’ve gotten in a while,” he answers, clearing his throat and looking around at everyone else on the plane. “Me too, me too,” you respond, looking out of the plane window. That’s when the pilot comes over the loudspeaker, telling the passengers that the plane was about to land. And that’s when Shinsou gets even more anxious than he already was. That’s also when you remember what he said about plane crashes. ‘Take offs and landings are the scariest parts because that’s when things go wrong and crashes happen most often.’

Without even giving it a second thought, you reach out to hold his hand again. You give it a reassuring squeeze, and you see like maybe .5% of his anxiety go away, but hey at least it was some of it. “We’re gonna be okay, Shinsou. Don’t even worry about it, if anything happens I won’t let you get hurt,” you reassure him, and he glances at you before nodding. Of course, that’s right when the plane starts to actually descend, and you swear you can feel Shinsou’s soul leave his body and you aren’t even a part of his soul or body. Luckily, though, you land perfectly. Nothing bad happens, and you see the relief flood through him. His hand was still in yours, though. Looks like he got a little comfortable with that part, and didn’t even try to take it away until everyone began to unload. Before you could grab your bags from the overhead, he did the job for you, handing you your bag with a small smirk. “I have a five dollar fee for manual labor,” he says, and you roll your eyes. You both begin to walk off the plane, and you noticed all his anxiety seemed to have gone away now that you were back on land. And of course that meant his sarcastic ass was back. “And I have three cents to my name.”

“Looks like you’ll have to pay me back some other way.”

“And what is this other way you are mentioning?” He opens his mouth, about to say something, when suddenly a flash of blonde and pink interrupts your little moment. Just like always. “I hope you both slept well,” Denki winks, resulting in him getting a punch to the arm from Shinsou. “Ow, man, what the hell?”

“I must have slept better than I thought, that was harder than I anticipated.”

“Yeah you slept well because of your little cuddle buddy over here.” Denki gets punched again. “I cannot believe you guys slept on each other, (Y/n). It was so cute I took like eleven pictures and I bet that’s why he slept so well,” Mina whisper squeals to you, and you roll your eyes. “Mina, we slept well because we’re both genuinely exhausted from our energetic best friends who even after an eight hour flight still seem to be bouncing off the walls and causing us pain,” you respond and she laughs. “Hey you’re not the only ones who took a fat nap. Of course, I didn’t cuddle with the love of my life that I’m pretending isn’t the love of my life, but hey it was still nice.” You shoot her a small glare to which she responds to you with a wink. You sigh, glancing over at Shinsou. He was still being badgered by Denki, and he looked very unamused, but you can’t deny how attractive he looked. You were definitely developing a bit of a crush on him, not that you’d ever admit it out loud. The way you two can talk for hours and never get bored as well as… well everything else about him really is just so appealing to you. Not to mention the strange connection you feel toward him. He’s like your favorite song that you listen to every day but never seem to get tired of.

“Hellooooooo? Earth to (Y/n),” Mina starts frantically waving her hand in front of your face, pulling you out of your thoughts completely. “You okay there?” she asks, and you nod. “Yeah, I was just thinking about some song lyrics, don’t worry about it.”

“Well, I hope those song lyrics have something to do with that sign over there that says Hollywood and literally proves that we are, in fact, in Los Angeles about to start Hell Week. This is all becoming so real now,” she starts to ramble on excitedly about how y’all were really genuinely truly there in Los Angeles, about to perform in front of world famous artists all over again, and hopefully make it through to live shows where you would then go on a world tour for many months until the winner was finally revealed. You take a deep breath because quite honestly, all of this was very stressful, and as excited as you were, you were also scared. If you would happen to get through to the live shows, that means that you would probably have to drop out of the university in Tokyo that you worked ridiculously hard to be able to attend. But on the other hand, you’d finally be doing what you’ve always wanted to do.

As much as you loved going to school, actually being able to perform your songs in front of people is what you’ve always wanted to do. You just put it on the back burner because living in a society where getting a degree means getting a good job resulting in earning more money means your dreams need to wait. But there’s also that nagging fear of what if you don’t even get through? Or even worse, what if you don’t and Mina does, or if you do and Mina doesn’t. You two have been attached at the hip ever since the beginning of university, so being here with her albeit great, was also scary. And what if you both did make it. What would happen to Nyx? Could you bring her with you? And even then, would you have to quit your job? What if you made it to live shows but eventually the world decided you weren’t what they wanted, do you just go back to living a normal life like nothing ever happened? And what if-

“(Y/n)? Are you okay?” you hear Shinsou’s voice and feel a large hand grasp onto yours. You hadn’t even realized you’d zoned out, but Shinsou did. And he could tell your little zone out episode wasn’t necessarily a good one. He starts rubbing your hand with his thumb to try and help you out, calm you down a bit, and it does work. You nod your head, giving his hand a light squeeze. “I’m okay. Just thinking,” you assure him and he raises an eyebrow. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I promise.”

“If you need to talk about anything uh… I’m here for you, you know that right?” he says, low enough that Mina and Denki can’t hear him. You give him a small smile. “I know. And I’m here for you if you need anything too… so.”

“Can you two stop flirting? We need to get to the hotel and get ready for the hardest week of our lives!” Mina shrieks, and you both let go of each other’s hands. For now, you do your best at pushing all the fears your brain is conjuring up inside you to the very back of your mind. Who knows. Maybe this week will change your life.

[probably-writing-x]

Too soon to say it

Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Request by the wonderful @fanficparker

My requests are always open❤️

“Come on, it’s not that simple!” You shake your head, taking another handful of popcorn from the bowl between you and Harrison.

The two of you were in the middle of a video game night and were taking a break from your second round of Mario Kart. And the prospect of you moving away had just become the topic of conversation.

“Why would things have to change? We’re best friends!” He exclaims like a child, typical to fashion.

“I’m going to be in another country, you’ll be busy with work - I’m just saying things are likely to change,” You defend, trying to brush off the conversation topic quickly.

Harrison’s face falls as he pulls away the popcorn bowl before you can take some more, “You seriously think things aren’t going to be the same?”

When you look at his face, it pains you to be leaving him. The two of you had been best friends since your parents first taught you what a friend was. You’d been inseparable - closer than your parents and families ever expected from the two of you. You just fit together. And it grew and grew, from going to the same school, living on the same street, sneaking out to the same parties, and now living in the same London flat.

“Haz, we spend every day together here,” You explain, “I’m just saying it will be different because we won’t be living together, spending every waking moment with each other.”

“I have other friends,” He points out with a boyish pout.

“I’m just saying I won’t be living with you and it won’t be exactly the same, I’m not saying we’re just going to stop speaking to each other.”

He eyes you suspiciously and sets down the bowl once again, “If I win the next race, you have to stay!”

- - - - - -

“Harrison, have you seen my big suitcase?” You push yourself up from the ground as you’d been busy rummaging through your wardrobe to find it.

Today was the day you’d decided to first start packing as, three days from today, you were on your way to Spain for a year of teaching out there. It was something you’d wanted to do from when you were young. When the opportunity arose, not one part of you wanted to say no.

“I thought I’d left it in the bottom of my wardrobe but I-“ You start to explain to your roommate as you walk into the lounge.

There, in the middle of the floor, is the trusty suitcase that you’d been searching for. Though it’s misshapen and open with Harrison’s attempt to climb inside and zip himself in.

“Are you kidding?” You laugh, trying to shift the zip to expose him.

“I told you I could come with you!” He yells back from inside, his voice muffled by his contorted shape.

You’d dread to think how much effort he’d put into this, “And I told you that you could come if you bought your own damn seat on the plane. Get out of here, you div!”

“Okay, okay, okay,” He replies, “Get me out, it’s really hot in here!”

“Haz stop moving! The zip’s stuck!” You can’t help the exclamatory laugh that escapes your lips, “What the fuck have you done?!”

“Oh my god (Y/n) get me out!” The fear is seeping into his tone as he starts to wiggle around in the cramped space.

It takes a lot of yelling and too much stress but, eventually, he’s freed.

“You see what I’d do to keep you?” He comments, pulling his knees to his chest as he still stays seated in the case.

“Come on man, you’ll make me feel bad,” You sigh, “I’m only a few hours away.”

“But here, you’re a few steps away,” He comments, glancing between your retrospective rooms, “I don’t know, it’s going to be weird here without you.”

“It’s only a year, and you can still come and visit, I’ll come back for Christmas,” You remind him, the comments you’d already made a hundred times.

“I know, I know,” He assures you, reaching out his arm, “I’ve just never been without you.”

You blush a little and lean into his embrace, letting his arms wrap around you.

“Ew, God! Harrison you’re sweating!” You exclaim, pulling away from him.

“I told you - I was burning alive in there!”

“Get out of my suitcase then!”

- - - - - -

“How are you going to live without her, man?” Harry shakes his head, “I give it five weeks before this flat has gone to shit.”

“Five weeks? You’re being generous!” His older brother, Tom, scoffs as he hands a beer to his brother.

You and Harrison had organised a going away party at the flat for the night that was two days before you left. Giving you your last day to be just for you and Harrison - to prepare him to live without you at least.

“Let’s just say FaceTime will definitely be useful,” You nudge at Harrison’s side.

He didn’t seem much like himself tonight but you didn’t want to mention anything with all of your company around.

“Are you excited to leave, (Y/n)?” Harry asks, smiling in your direction.

“Nervous, worried, terrified,” You nod, “But definitely excited!”

You notice Harrison looking at you from the corner of your eye, his gaze not faltering. It’s deep and focused, like he’s clinging onto every last word you said.

The conversation flows from there on out but Harrison still manages to keep his eyes set on you with certainty that they wouldn’t lose you - in more ways than one.

- - - - - -

“Fancy sleeping in my bed tonight?” Harrison suggests as you’re both getting ready for bed, the apartment now semi-clean in the aftermath of the party.

“Sure, I’ll grab my duvet,” You smile and he heads out of the bathroom.

It wasn’t irregular for the two of you to share a bed, despite having your own rooms. You’d always grab both duvets and pool them into one bed for what Harrison called ‘optimum comfort’. Those were the nights where you’d sit and chat for hours and tell him a deep secret you were yet to expose. Or he’d confess to you that he’d got an audition coming up that he hadn’t mentioned. Or that he wasn’t ready for what life was throwing him.

“Thanks for tonight, it was lovely having everyone here,” You smile, “And you managed to invite everyone!”

Harrison smirks as he pulls back the covers of the bedspread, “I’m getting better.”

“Were you okay, though?” You bring it up eventually, “You just seemed a little quiet.”

He climbs into the bed and snuggles into his half, “Just feels strange that you’re leaving in like a day.”

You smile a little and climb in beside him, “We’ll be okay, Harrison? I’m not going to move to Spain and act like I’m living a new life.”

“I know, I know,” He shakes his head, “And I’m so happy for you, (Y/n), honestly.”

You smile a little at him and let the conversation fall silent. There was still something he wasn’t telling you.

“I’m so scared, H.”

The statement makes him bolt upright like a sudden danger had sprung upon you, “What do you mean?”

“I’m moving away from everything, what if I hate it? What if I’m a really shit teacher? Or I just don’t fit in with anyone there?” You ponder, “I’ve been waiting for this like it was all going to just be easy. But it’s probably the scariest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Hey,” He starts, “I think it’s impossible for you to be shit at anything - and you’re a people person with literally anyone, you’re practically fluent in Spanish more than English now, and it’s all just going to fall into place. It always does.”

You snuggle into him and wrap your arms around his torso, “It’s just a big move.”

“Of course it is, but don’t you remember telling me this plan when we were like ten years old?”

You chuckle, “We were sat in that fort we’d made in your garden.”

“And you told me that you’d already planned it, though you didn’t really know much more of what you wanted to do.”

“And you told me you wanted to be the next Leo DiCaprio,” You respond, glancing up at him with a smile.

“I’m getting there,” He wiggles his brows, “I promised you I’d thank you when I won an Oscar.”

You laugh, “Your Mum used to get so fed up when we ended up falling asleep out there. It used to get so cold!”

He smiles and holds you a little bit tighter, pulling up the duvets until they’re up to your chins. It feels like you could stay here forever.

“Well, we still have one full day,” He points out, running a hand through your hair.

“What do you fancy doing?” You ask quietly, fatigue taking over now you were wrapped in Harrison’s arms.

He pauses to think of any valid answer but his pause is just long enough to mean that you’re already falling into a slumber in his arms. When Harrison looks down at you, it’s like his whole world is wrapped up in this bed you’d struggled to put together when you first moved in. He lets your even breaths take hold of his thoughts as he circles through the motions of realisation that always occurred when he was this close to you. At what moment did he fall in love with his best friend? At what point did that ‘other half’ manage to grab a hold of his heart? And would he really let her leave without confessing that? It tugs at his heart to think of a day, a week, a month, a year, without her. But it makes things even worse that she’d been leaving with the lie he’d upheld since he first realised that his heart fluttered when she was near. And that didn’t happen with ‘just friends’. It’s not like Harrison when he feels a tear spill onto his cheek and trickle down the length of his face.

“God, you’ll be the death of me,” He mutters into the silent room, swiping at his face to stop any more tears.

- - - - - -

Your last day at home goes all too quickly, you run through everything with Harrison to make sure he was all set up for running the flat on his own. You check your packing once, twice, three times, before settling on the fact that you’d buy anything you’d forgotten once you were out there. You get your passport and your other essentials ready for the early morning. And just like that, the only thing left is leaving.

You find yourself sat out on the small balcony that came with this apartment, overlooking the typical city streets of London. It feels overwhelming to leave a place like this behind. You’d never been apart from home. First, it was your family, then it was Harrison. Wherever you went, there was a piece of home with you. You’d never really had that experience of being separate from it. Maybe you’d meet somebody out there that would become another piece of that home. But the prospect of a love interest was still yet to become of interest to you. You had everything you needed. Plus, Harrison was always hard to explain to any prospective love interests.

“Am I interrupting?” Harrison asks cautiously as he steps through the window and out onto the balcony, “You looked a little lonely.”

“Just thinking,” You give him a warm smile as he comes to stand beside you on the terrace.

He hums in response and let’s the silence engulf all of you once more. His lungs are screaming for him to say a thousand words with the breath they hold, his heart is yearning to stop feeling so tight at the thought of you. His head feels weak at the thought of processing one day without you.

I love you. Not in the way we’ve been saying since we were little. Not the ‘love you’ or the ‘love ya’. It’s I love you. Simple. Is it? I don’t know where it started, what caused it, why I can’t change it. But it’s consuming, heavy, crazy. It’s in every action you do, every word, every gesture, every expression. Living a life without you would be hell. But living a life where you’re always just my friend? That feels like a punishment that no religion could conceive the thought of.

“Haz...” Your voice is what snaps him from his thoughts.

It’s only then that he feels the tears pricking his skin, slipping down his cheeks.

“Shit,” He mutters, “It must just be the cold.”

The beaming sun outside and the T-shirt adorning his skin tells you otherwise.

“You know if you start crying, I always cry,” You chuckle, outstretching your arms and pulling him to your chest.

Harrison doesn’t speak and it scares you that he’s not the one comforting you - was he really not going to be okay without you?

“I’m just thinking about all of the Spanish boys you’re going to fall in love with,” He jokes, “And you’ll forget all about that pale boy from home.”

“Come on, if they love me, they have to love my pale boy,” You chuckle, “You’re my best friend!”

The statement makes him wrap his arms around you a little tighter. Not for the reason you thought - for the fact that you weren’t going to leave him. But for the fact that that’s all he ever would be. The name ‘best friend’ that always held so much weight had now become completely hopeless. It pained him that he could no longer accept that.

- - - - - -

You were on the phone to your parents when Harrison first started trying to write down everything his brain had been aching for him to say. It felt like it would give some sort of relief.

Dear To (Y/n), Squidge, My Love, Div, and all the other names that this twenty something years has given you.

We’ve been over this a thousand times, how you’re leaving me, how I’ll live alone, how Tom will get sick of me in the end. We’ve talked about it for hours because I started thinking that talking about things would make it easier. Make it easier to say goodbye to you.

It’s silly really - you’ll be back eventually. Whether that’s in a year, or two or three. You’ll be back. But I think it’s the fear of me realising that things are getting too late for anything to change. That somebody else could take my place could give you what I want to. you’ll leave and I’ll lose my chance of admitting anything real to you.

The truth is, for the past, well I don’t know how long, I’ve fallen in love with you. It wasn’t like I realised one thing one day and watched it develop. It’s like one morning I woke up and suddenly noticed it all. I noticed every single piece of you that ignites every single piece of me. I noticed who I am around you and how much I adore who you are around me. And, within that one day, it became blaringly obvious that things weren’t the same anymore.

I can tell you which exact day it was. It was not long after we’d moved in here. In June. We had a day at home where you decided to start decorating the lounge. You’d bought all of this new stuff that you’d been eyeing up for months. And it was all spread out on the floor. You were in this pair of grey joggers and a top you’d planned on wearing to the gym - although you never did get that membership. There was no particular thing that drew me to you. It was everything. It was the way you slipped in the kitchen in your socks as you tried to make a fancy lunch. The way you laughed and rolled your eyes when I failed to set up the coffee table. It was all of these parts of you that I’d never noticed enough.

He’s just starting to choke up when you say goodbye to your parents and he quickly folds up the page.

“Hey, we should probably start getting ready to go,” You lean against the doorframe and fold your arms.

Harrison glances up and nods, “Yeah, I’ll just sort myself out and we can go.”

You had it all planned. Sort out your final things, leave a little present on Harrison’s bed for when he got back from the airport, get to the airport with enough time to check in, and then you’d be gone.

- - - - - -

“Okay, is my passport in there?” You ask Harrison as the two of you are now parked in the airport carpark.

He’s in the back of the car rummaging through your carry on bag to check you’ve got everything in the right place.

“Yep,” He responds, “You’ve got your phone, laptop, purse, earphones...”

Harrison trails off as he slips the letter between the fold of your laptop - part of him hoping you’d somehow see it before you got on the plane. The rest of him hoping you’d never open that.

“Alright, then, we’re ready.”

- - - - - -

You’re just about to walk through to security when you and Harrison realise this will be goodbye. You want to take in every feature of his face. You wanted to memorise the way his eyes move when he smiles, the way his head tilts back when he laughs, the way his hair moves when he shakes his head. You wanted to memorise all of the features that made him your best friend, practically your other half.

“Alright, I think this is it,” You begin, looking at him a little hopelessly - knowing there was nothing you could say that would tell him how much you’d miss him, “I’m gonna miss you man.”

He smiles a little but it doesn’t meet his eyes, “Yeah, you could say that.”

“You’re all ready for the bills and stuff, and I’m sure Tom will be staying more often than not,” You assure him, “If there’s any complication with the rent or bills or anything, just let me know, okay?”

“(Y/n), we’ve been through the logistics!” He squeezes your hand, “I’ll be fine.”

You sigh and wrap your arms around him tightly, taking in his scent that always laced his clothes, “Thank you for everything Harrison.”

He pulls away gently and looks at you with complete focus, “Okay, there’s something I need to stay because, if I don’t, I’ll spend every day thinking that I should’ve done.”

You frown a little and take a step back.

He lets out a shaky breath, “God, I don’t know where to start. Okay, here goes nothing.”

“Harrison, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

“I love you (Y/n). I love you with every single fibre of my body, every single piece of my heart. And I know that I shouldn’t feel like that. I’m not supposed to. You’re supposed to be the one girl that I wouldn’t fall in love with - the one girl. And I couldn’t do it,” He shrugs as tears start building up to blur his vision, “I know this is the worst time and I know that it’s-“

“Haz, what are you doing?”

He stops dead, lips parting slightly.

“I need to catch my flight, I don’t know what you want me to say... I...” You stumble, heart beating way too fast in your chest, “I can’t do this.”

“(Y/n), please,” He croaks out, hand reaching for you.

“You want this to be how I leave?” You pull away from him, “Harrison this changes everything!”

“I know, I know,” He nods, “But it’s consuming (Y/n/n). It’s killing me everyday that I’m not telling you that I love you. It’s killing me every time I convince myself that we should just be friends.”

You’re trembling as he talks - the panic of not knowing how to respond starting to trickle through your veins.

“You’re the only woman I’ll ever feel that way about.”

“Don’t say that,” You shake your head, “What do you expect me to say? Is this how badly you want me to stay?”

“No! God no!” Harrison tries to grip onto your hand again, “I just needed you to know.”

“I can’t do this Harrison, this changes everything.”

“No, no, it doesn’t have to change anything. I just-“ He stops, “There’s no way you could feel the same?”

You look at how helpless he looks and it breaks your heart into unfixable pieces, “I don’t know if I can give you an answer to that H. I didnt expect any of this.”

That’s when there’s a call for your flight. Perfect timing.

“I don’t need an answer. But if, or when, you find out how you feel, I’ll be waiting here (Y/n). I’ll always be waiting.”

With one last look at the possibility he’d left you, you pick up your bag and walk away - tears streaming down your face for a reason you’d never expected. You don’t have to look back to know he’s still stood there. And you don’t want to look back. You just let him leave you with those words.

I’ll always be waiting.

[spaceskam]

the kissing booth (4)

it’s 2am, will add links to specific parts later

ao3

It was the first morning Michael had slept in that he could remember.

The first two weeks or so of coming to this shed that Alex had shown him, he could barely sleep. He kept waiting for something to happen and that it’d be a big joke and he’d often stress so much that he’d leave early hours in the morning to sneak into Rosa’s bedroom. Last night, however, he’d passed out around two in the morning. He was wrapped up in the blankets Alex had in there on the tiny, twin mattress. It all smelled of Alex and it had kept him asleep well after the sun rose.

He stretched his arms out and smiled at the ceiling. He didn’t know what he did to deserve this, but he was thankful. Alex hadn’t come into the shed since he showed him where it was which Michael found a little odd, but they hung out other places. He’d gone to coffee with him and Isobel, they went to Alex’s football games, they talked. It was a legit friendship. Michael felt blessed.

The shed was hidden behind the house and, apparently, Alex’s family didn’t even know about it. It was old and, according to some initials carved into the wall, had been there since at least the 50s. Somehow, though, it was still connected to the house’s electricity. Alex theorized that it was probably shotty, but he hadn’t had any issues. It meant there was a space heater that worked and a light bulb strung from the ceiling.

“How’d you find this?” Michael had asked him that first day.

“I wandered a lot as a kid. I found a lot of stuff, but this felt like my little secret,” Alex had answered.

Apparently, for the last ten years of Alex’s life, he’d been slowly making this place his little escape whenever he needed to go be alone. Michael did feel a little bad that he’d sort of taken it over during the night, but he was also endlessly thankful that he had somewhere to go at night. There was no pressure to leave. In fact, Alex would leave food for him with mom-like sticky notes to tell him to sleep well. It was overwhelmingly kind.

Michael leaned over and grabbed his phone, seeing it fully charged and a message from Alex telling him that he was going for a run if he wanted to join that had been sent four hours prior.

Michael: sorry, I slept through it 😬 would've gone with you 

Alex: no worries :) wanna go get coffee? 

Michael: yeah, sure. Meet me at the shed?

Alex: be there soon! 

Michael bit his lip to hold back a smile. This all felt so normal. It was surreal.

Still, Michael got up and got dressed. He made the bed up like he did every day before he left. Typically, he didn't even undo it. Last night he had. 

Michael used his phone as a mirror, checking his hair and his face. He’d have to sneak into Isobel’s for a shower later, but that was manageable. He hadn’t exactly told Rosa or Isobel exactly where he was staying, but he wasn’t really sure if Alex would be okay with that. However, he figured he’d have to ask if only because he didn’t want them to worry.

When Alex got to the shed, he knocked. Michael’s system was flooded with a weird, giddy sensation. He knocked. Someone knocked as if it was his space. He really tried to shake off the smile when he went to open the door, but he couldn’t. It was okay, though, because Alex was smiling too.

“Sleep well?” he asked. He looked good. He always looked good. 

“Yeah,” Michael said, licking his lips and looking Alex up and down. On a Saturday morning, he’d gotten up early to run and take a shower, meaning his dark hair was glistening and his clothes were fresh and he smelled so strongly of lavender body wash that it was unfair. 

“You know you can keep some stuff in here if you want,” Alex said, “Make it feel like home.” Michael felt his stomach tie in a billion knots and his face felt hot. What the fuck was this?

“Nah, I don’t wanna impose,” Michael said, suddenly unable to really look Alex in the face, “I already feel like I’m monopolizing all the time in here.”

“Oh, fuck off, you’re so not,” Alex laughed, walking further inside. Michael watched him flop onto the bed, making sure it would smell like him for a little longer. “See? No monopolizing here.”

Michael exhaled heavily and managed a smirk, walking closer. Each day, it felt a little harder to flirt with Alex. He wasn’t sure why it was getting harder. Especially since he spent more than a couple nights flailing and smiling like an idiot because Alex did something like brush past his arm.

“So… coffee? Or you wanna stay here?” Michael asked, staring at Alex all laid out like that on the bed. He knew he wasn’t actually as clean as he would like to the first time he got Alex in bed, but it was so enticing.

Alex licked his lips and huffed a laugh, pushing himself up. “Coffee. I need it in my system.”

“Okay,” Michael laughed, resisting the urge to push him further into the bed, “Let’s go. My treat.”

“Shut up, my treat.”

“It’s always your treat.”

“I don’t think you understand how much pleasure it brings me to spend my daddy’s money on a proud bisexual man,” Alex grinned, standing up and touching his chest lightly as he passed, “A subtle but satisfying rebellion if you ask me.”

Michael didn’t know how to react to that, but something deep in his stomach told him that he didn’t want it to end.

-

Alex came to the shed more often.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“How do you do it?” Alex wondered. He was laid on a yoga mat on the floor, slowly lifting his hips off the floor and holding before slowly dropping them. Michael was positively mesmerized.

“How do I do what?” he asked, tilting his head just a little so he could probably examine Alex’s ass. When he was flat on the floor, Michael theorized he could fit his hand between his back and the floor. He thought about trying.

“Act like nothing bothers you all the time,” Alex said, “Like, I’ve seen you literally look like you’re about to shut down and then the minute someone comes up to you, you throw on that sexy little smile and pretend like you’re great.”

“Sexy, huh?” Michael asked. Alex scoffed and gave him a pointed look.

“Not the point.”

Michael sighed and looked down at the book in his lap. It was apparently in English, but with Alex looking like that only a few feet away he couldn’t recognize any of the words. He tried to come up with a good response but couldn’t think of one.

“I just do,” Michael said with a shrug, “It’s not that deep.”

“I think it’s a coping mechanism,” Alex said sharply, swiftly moving from that position to a plank. His biceps were bulging and it truly felt like he was doing this on purpose.

“I’m not a psychology project.”

“Didn’t say you were,” Alex said, not even kind of sounding winded, “Just saying I think that’s why you’re so tired all the time. You drain yourself pretending.”

“I’m not pretending.”

“Maybe not necessarily,” Alex said, bringing himself down to the mat, “But on some level, it’s not real.”

Michael breathed in slow, trying not to be offended. He didn’t think Alex was trying to offend him. Alex lifted chest up and turned his face towards the sky, his hips to the ground. Michael clutched his book and brought his knees to his chest.

“Okay, your turn,” Alex said.

“What?”

“I clearly upset you. Your turn to psychoanalyze me.”

Michael stared at him and wondered if he should play the queer card, maybe that would hit as deep as saying hey your whole personality is fake. Instead, he pulled on his bottom lip and shook his head.

“I got nothing,” he said.

“C’mon,” Alex prodded, shooting a grin his way, “Something’s in your head.”

Michael waited for a few beats before speaking.

“Why are you so nice to me?” Michael asked softly. Alex furrowed his eyebrows and relaxed, sitting down like a normal person.

“Not everyone has an agenda, Guerin,” he said with a soft laugh that Michael couldn’t reciprocate.

“Not in my experience.”

Alex stared at him for a moment before saying, “What about Rosa? She doesn’t have an agenda.”

“Rosa feels bad for me and I’m just waiting until she hates me,” Michael said, “Same with you, I guess.”

“Okay, Rosa literally loves you,” Alex corrected. Michael shrugged. “And I won’t ever hate you. If I thought that was a possibility, I wouldn’t be around you in the first place. I definitely wouldn’t have asked you to stay here.”

It was the first real-time those exact words had been said out loud. They were the scariest words Michael had ever heard. He didn’t respond.

“You look tired,” Alex said, standing up, “Get some sleep.”

Michael stayed up the rest of the night.

-

“My dad’s out of town.”

Michael watched Alex curiously as he stood in the doorway of the shed. He was in baggy sweatpants and an equally baggy crop top, his hair a mess and looked painfully sexy. It genuinely wasn’t fucking fair. Michael gulped and took a quick look at him up and down. Alex was smirking when he got back to his face.

They’d been doing this for a month. He told Isobel and Rosa where he’d been staying and they didn’t ask questions, but he knew they thought he was just setting himself up to be let down. They had told him more than a few times that Alex was straight, don’t fall for a straight guy, don’t, don’t, don’t.

But they didn’t see Alex in moments like this. Moments when he smirked at him and touched him and wanted to be around him. He couldn’t just be making that shit up.

“I have the whole house to myself,” Alex added after a moment.

“Sounds lonely,” Michael said. Alex bit down on his lip and nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. Alex tapped against the door frame and tilted his head, truly looking at Michael in a way he’d never really been looked at. It made his heart beat a little faster. “You need a haircut.”

Michael let out a surprised little laugh, raking his hand through his hair. It was getting long and Rosa usually cut it, but he hadn’t really been paying attention. He’d been a little distracted.

“I’ll get one eventually.”

Alex grinned. “I can give you one.”

“Right, and ruin my hair? Nice try.”

“Nah, I’m actually pretty good at it,” Alex promised, reaching forward to swat lightly at his arm, “Let me show you.”

Michael caved. How could he not?

“Alright, but not too short in case I need Rosa to save the day.”

Soon, Michael found himself walking through the Manes house for the first time. It was just as big as he imagined, but he didn’t get a good look at it as he was led up the stairs to Alex’s bedroom. That seemed far more important than the rest of the house.

“Welcome to my room,” Alex said, throwing his arms out lightly. Michael looked around at the band posters that mixed oddly with the military-esque order of the rest of the room. “My dad and I made a compromise.”

“I see that,” Michael smiled, “You’re just an emo kid waiting for his time to shine, huh?”

Alex huffed a laugh and shook his head, grabbing Michael by the shirt and tugging him into the bathroom. The smile on both of their faces were prevalent as Alex pushed him into a chair that was already in the bathroom. A quick, nosey peek into the cabinets when Alex turned away to get scissors revealed makeup that had Michael’s mind wandering. He’d never seen Alex in makeup. He wondered when he wore that.

“Can I wash your hair?” Alex asked as he walked back in with a pair of scissors in his hands. Michael looked up at him and felt more obsessed than ever.

“You can do whatever you want to me,” Michael said helplessly. Alex smiled and leaned to grab shampoo from his shower. 

Alex put a folded up towel behind Michael’s neck and leaned his head into the sink. His long fingers combed out the knots in his hair as he drenched it with warm water. Michael’s eyes fell shut and he lost himself in the sensation. By the time Alex was working the shampoo into his hair, he was almost asleep. 

Michael was brought back to the living world by the sound of Alex’s laughter. He opened his eyes to see him above him, eyes shining. It was one of the most relaxed moments he’d ever seen Alex in. He was utterly carefree and comfortable. Michael was a fucking goner.

“You awake?” Alex asked softly. Michael nodded. “Lift your head for me, okay?”

Again, his eyes struggled to stay open as Alex snipped off bits of his hair. Rosa was always quick and efficient when cutting his hair, usually making him laugh and distracting him. Alex, on the other hand, was taking his sweet time. He’d press his body up against his, lean close, blow on his cheek to get fallen hair away, and disperse random touches wherever he could. He was beginning to think Alex could cut all of his hair off and he’d still say thanks.

Alex finished off the cut by combing his hands through his already curling hair. 

“There, you can wake up now,” Alex said, smiling at his work. Michael turned to look in the mirror and saw that it was definitely a bit shorter than he usually went and could anticipate that, once it dried, it would shrink.

“You think I’m still hot?”

“Yeah,” Alex chuckled, using his finger to curl a ringlet over Michael’s forehead. Oh, he was fucked.

“Can I ask you something?” Michael asked after a moment of both of them just staring in the mirror. Alex nodded. “Are you straight?”

Alex furrowed his eyebrows like he couldn’t believe he asked that question. “Why? You into me or something?”

His tone was bordering somewhere between joking and accusatory and it was confusing enough that Michael decided to reel it in completely. Or, as much as he could. It was hard. Too fucking hard.

“Just wondering since you can cut hair and what are we if not stereotypes,” Michael joked. Alex smiled again and rolled his eyes.

“Shut up,” he laughed, walking back into his bedroom. Michael stared at himself in the mirror for a little bit longer. He’d spent over two months now assuming Alex was into him and now he wasn’t sure if he was right. Had he made it up? Had he misread things? Had he seriously fallen for a straight guy? “Guerin, we get it, you’re into yourself!”

Right. Still here.

Michael went back into the bedroom, plastering on his smile so it wouldn’t seem like he was more confused than ever. Alex was laying on his big bed, his laptop propped against his knees.

“Wanna watch a movie?” he asked. Michael’s first thought was yes, followed by that’ll make it worse, followed by who cares.

So, instead of being smart, Michael fell onto Alex’s bed and all but sunk into it. Alex tossed a ball that was on his nightstand and shut the lights off.

“Impressive,” Michael noted.

“Yeah, I know,” Alex laughed. Michael smiled at him helplessly all over again. “What do you wanna watch?”

“I don’t care.”

“Alright, then we’re watching Buffy and starting where I let off in the middle of an episode in the middle of season 5,” Alex threatened. He really didn’t seem to understand that Michael didn’t give a shit as long as he got to lay in his bed with him. 

“Okay.”

“You are so fucking tired,” Alex teased, clicking on the episode that he’d said, “Go to sleep.” Michael furrowed his eyebrows. “Dude, you were falling asleep the whole time in there. Just go to sleep.”

“You sure?” Michael asked, “You gonna wake me up when you wanna kick me out?”

“Yes,” Alex said, still grinning as if this was a normal thing you did with your friends. Which, for Michael, it kinda was, but Alex seemed different. Still, Michael took him up on the offer because he was self-destructive and couldn’t turn down the opportunity.

Michael woke up in the middle of the night to Alex sound asleep on the pillow beside him. Alex had pulled the blanket over them both sometime after he’d fallen asleep and just let him stay. His fingers twitched, eager to touch his hair or his lips or just any part of him. Instead, he kept his hands to himself and turned to face into the pillow, deciding smelling him was a lot safer than looking at him.

They both slept through Alex’s alarms.

All of them.

-

“Your hair looks nice.”

“I’ve done something extremely stupid and I don’t know what to do about it now, help me.”

Isobel blinked in surprise, but Michael didn’t really care that he’d passed on the greeting. It was finally Monday and he’d spent the weekend playing house with Alex, sleeping in the same bed and cooking together and being so fucking domestic that Michael wanted to throw up. This wasn’t real. Alex didn’t like him.

“I think I’m, like, in love or something,” Michael vented. Isobel’s eyes went even wider. “I-I spent the whole weekend with Alex. He cut my hair and we slept together and‒”

“You what?”

“Not like that! Just, in the same bed, and acted like fucking boyfriends minus all the kissing and the cuddling and, Izzy, I want the kissing and cuddling,” Michael vented, dropping his head in his hands. Isobel grabbed his arm.

“Okay, just breathe,” she instructed. He listened. “Look, have you talked to him about it?”

Michael squeezed his eyes shut. “No. Well, I asked him if he was straight, and he sort of avoided the question.”

“Maybe try asking something a little different?”

“Like what?”

“Like a date?”

Michael snapped his head up, probably looking as horrified as he felt. “I can’t do that. He gave me a whole ass place to go where I don’t feel like I’m bothering everyone. If I ask him out and he’s not into it, I ruin that. I don’t want to ruin that.”

“Listen, Michael, I think it’s worth it,” she said softly. He shook his head. “Look at you! I’ve never seen you like this over anyone. That feels like it’s worth it to me.”

Michael gulped and tried to shake off his nerves. It didn’t really work. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she said, “And if kicks you out, then fuck him and you don’t want to stay with a guy who gets that offended.”

Michael felt like she was skipping a few steps in logic, but he also felt like having Alex for real sounded like a fucking fantastic thing. He’d been wanting to kiss him for so long it hurt.

So, that night, when Alex showed up at the shed again, Michael decided he needed to just get it over with or he was going to fucking drown. 

“Hey, can we talk?” Michael asked as normal as possible. Alex smiled that sweet smile and nodded. They both sat on the little bed, facing each other. “So… Promise me you won’t get upset?”

“Why would I?” Alex asked. Michael just stared at him until his smile started to drop. “Yeah, I promise.”

“Okay,” Michael breathed, “So… This whole weekend got me thinking really hard… I like you.” Michael looked away from him and then looked back. Alex’s face didn’t really change. “Like, I like like you. Like running into you that day kinda changed my entire life.”

Alex blinked a few times and turned his head away. Michael could feel his heart dropping. Oh. This is how it goes bad.

“This weekend…” Alex whispered, shaking his head with a scoff. “That was seriously the first time you noticed me?” Alex asked, voice carrying so much more emotion than it usually did that Michael flinched, “That day when you ran into me. You seriously had never noticed me before?”

Michael blinked a few times. “No?”

Alex scoffed, “You know, I used to see you every day and thought you were so fucking cool. For, like, three years I saw you at Bean Me Up, at the Crashdown, at the library, around town. I saw you all the time! I stared at you and admired you and tried my hardest to get your attention without having to actually talk to you because you were so fucking cool!”

Michael leaned away from him, eyebrows furrowed and more confused than ever. He was struggling to follow any of what was being said. How the hell had he been around Alex all that time and never noticed him?

“And when you started talking to me, flirting with me,” Alex went on, laughing dryly, “I really thought that you’d noticed me too. I had really fucking convinced myself that maybe you’d been doing what I was and just fucking pining like a dumbass for three years. I really thought that! I thought that someone as cool as you had somehow noticed me and had been waiting for your moment!”

“Alex, what‒”

“But no,” Alex huffed, “Because you’re too cool. Too self-absorbed and too fucking entitled to older women and rich girls and-and saying you like men but never being seen with one, then I show you I’m rich and suddenly you’re into me? Okay, Guerin.”

“Alex‒” Michael started, stopping that train of thought once Alex got up, “I don’t‒ I’m not‒ Alex!”

“You can still stay here,” Alex said, face still angry and hurt even though he was trying to use a calm tone, “I get you’re not faking that. But don’t fake being into me for my fucking money.”

Alex left him alone and he tried his damnedest to understand what Alex’s thought process had been. He wasn’t sure how he got from point A to point B, but he was sure Alex wasn’t open to hearing his explanation. Mainly because he didn’t have one. Alex had added so many fucking steps that didn’t even exist. How did one person complicate a stupid crush so much?

What the fuck was he missing?

-

“I’m totally over Alex.”

“Michael…”

“No, seriously, I am,” Michael insisted despite the fact that he was sitting in the bleachers at Alex’s football game, rambling over the noise that made up halftime, “I’ve had a few days to think about it and I’m glad he rejected me.”

“Seriously?” Isobel sighed, “I think if you guys just talked, then‒”

“No, I don’t wanna talk. He assumed so much shit about me without asking for clarification, I don’t wanna be with someone like that,” he said firmly. Maybe he still ached for his skin, maybe he still missed his smell, maybe he cried a couple of times, and maybe he couldn’t sleep in the shed anymore because it reminded him too much of Alex, but so what?  

“I think you’re overreacting,” Isobel said softly.

Michael shook his head. “I’m not the one overreacting. Alex freaked out on me for no reason. I don’t need that in my life. And good thing too.”

“...why is it a good thing?”

“Because now I can focus on a guy who actually wants me,” Michael said firmly, “Like the guy at the kissing booth.”

Isobel sighed loudly, “Michael, that was‒”

“I don’t care. He’s gotta still be out there. I want him. He wants me.” 

Michael didn’t look at her because he knew it’d be pity. He was tired of pity. He’d been getting it from her and Rosa all fucking week. Everyone went through tiny heartbreaks, he wasn’t special.

To prove that he wasn’t special, he stood up on the bleachers and whistled as loud as he could. He got a relatively decent-sized audience, including some of the football team, including Alex Manes, so he knew it’d spread to whoever it needed to reach. He threw on his smirk.

“Can I have your attention, please! Three months ago when I did a kissing booth at your fundraiser, one of you lovely men of Atherton kissed me behind the booth! I’ve been looking for you ever since!” he announced loudly. He heard a few whistles in response, fueling him more even as Isobel tugged on his pant leg. “So, I’d like to proposition you, whoever you are! Meet me at Bean Me Up Monday night! Let me get to know you! And, if he’s not here, everyone spread the word so I can find him!” 

Michael sat back onto the bleacher as people whistled and clapped for him as if he was that important. Sometimes, he surely felt he was. When it came to the people of Atherton, they felt he was too.

“What the fuck, Michael?” Isobel hissed.

“What?” he asked, “I was just getting shit done.”

“You could’ve gone about that in a better way.”

However, when Michael looked and saw Alex staring at him with slightly terrified eyes, he really thought he couldn’t have.

[dakotacrisis]

Deal’s End (6)

What better screams romance than a horrific gore fest?

(Read on AO3)

---

“No.” Marinette slapped the dress out of Felix’s hands. “You dressed me up yesterday. You’re not doing it again today.”

“It worked!”

“I don’t care!” Marinette went to grab the outfit she laid out last night. “I already have something to wear.”

“Are you sure about that?” her outfit disappeared. She glared back at Felix who was holding up the dress again.

“Give me back my clothes.”

“I have your clothes right here.” he tossed the dress to her.

“I mean the clothes I picked.” she tossed it back at him.

“No can do. Besides, I thought you were trusting me.”

“For advice. Not fashion choices.” Marinette went to her closet. It was fine, she’d just pick something else. She opened the doors to her closet and gaped at the empty hangers. “FELIX!”

“That is so strange.” he shook his head, “Are all your clothes in the laundry? That seems very poor planning, love.”

“Put them back!” She growled.

“Wear the dress and I’ll put them back.”

“I hate you.” she snatched the red and white polka dotted sundress out of his hands and went behind the screen to change. It wasn’t that she didn’t like the dress or anything it’s just that she wasn’t in the mood for Felix. While yesterday may have ended in her favor it had also made her a little self conscious to be around Adrien again.

She stepped out in the dress and turned around. “Zip me up?”

“Gotcha.” He zipped up the back of her dress she couldn’t reach. “See? Is this so bad?”

“Whatever.” Marinette grabbed her bag and slipped on her shoes. “Let’s just get this over with.”

When they got to the sidewalk Felix spoke up again. “I sense you’re angry with me.”

“What was your first clue?” She spat.

“This isn’t about the dress at all is it? You’re only looking for a reason to be mad at me.”

“I don’t need to look for a reason to be mad at you. It’s a perpetual state.” She sneered. “I liked the outfit I picked out.”

“And you can wear it tomorrow. And besides, look,” he held his arms wide the sides of his red and white baseball tee fluttering in the wind, “We match!”

“As if I didn’t need another reason to want to take this off.” Marinette sighed.

“By all means go ahead, you’ll certainly get lover boy’s attention that way.”

“Why do I bother with you?” Marinette thunked the back of his head. “Perverted demon.”

“If I was that perverted I would have gotten rid of all your underwear too. Which by the way, how come you have no push-up bras? Yeah, yeah, I know all bodies are beautiful but you got mosquito bites. Why not give them a little lift?”

“You were in my underwear drawer?” Marinette stopped on the sidewalk.

“Oh shit, here we go.”

“You were in my underwear drawer!!”

“I was curious!”

“Curious about what? How many panties I had?”

“Uh Marinette--”

“Also, these are not mosquito bites mister!” she poked him hard in the chest, “These are B cups and still growing so you can take your nose out of my underwear drawer and shove it up your--”

“Hi Adrien.” Felix waved behind her.

Marinette froze. Then she relaxed. “Nice try, demon boy. Adrien arrives by car every morning so there is no way he could be behind me. So as I was saying if I see you raiding my underwear drawer again I am going to crack your skull open. Got it?”

“I understand.” Felix nodded. “But also…” He turned her around.

“A-Adrien!” Marinette stumbled back. Why of all the times Felix was being serious she had to take it as a joke?

“Good morning.” Adrien waved. He shifted from foot to foot uneasily. He heard that. He heard all of that! Adrien heard her yelling at Felix to stay out of her underwear drawer. Oh god, she was yelling about having not that small of boobs when he was right there!

“Looks like your friend walked today. Isn’t that funny?” Felix whispered in her ear. “Good luck.”

Felix proceeded to make a hasty retreat. “Felix! No! Get back here!” she yelled after him but he was not turning around. “If there is a god may he please kill me now.” She muttered.

“Um, Marinette?” Adrien said, “You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” She whirled around with a smile stretched painfully on her face. “Why do you ask?”

“Because Felix--”

“Oh that? That was nothing. Just a joke between friends. I should be going.” She turned to run.

“Wait.” Adrien caught her arm and gently pulled her back. She stared down at the ground. She couldn’t face him. Not after all of this.

“You said his people’s skill weren’t the best, right?” Adrien said.

Marinette peeked up through her bangs. The corner of her mouth quirked up in a small smile. “Yeah...they aren’t.”

“Do you want to walk to class or would you rather go find your chaotic neighbor and give him what for?”

“Oh trust me, he is big trouble next time I see him.” She relaxed a little and stood up straight. “I’m positively mortified that you heard any of that though.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He put an arm around her shoulders as they walked to class. “Also, it’s a really pretty dress you have on today. That one you made?”

“It is. Thank you for noticing.” She wanted to loop an arm around Adrien as well but wasn’t sure if that was pushing it too far.

“Thank you for gracing the school with another Marinette original.” They stepped into class. “Oh, do you have the project?”

“Right here.” She pulled out the project from her bag. “Done and ready to turn in.”

“Awesome.” he scanned it over. “Oh, by the way, a group of us are heading to the movies after school. Did you wanna come?”

“Sure!”

“Great. Felix can come too if he wants.”

“What about me?” Felix appeared at her side in the blink of an eye.

“Nothing. Shoo.” she elbowed him away.

“Some friends of ours are going to the movies. Would you like to join?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Felix shrugged. “What are we seeing?”

“Coven of the Creep.”

“Wait, that new horror movie?” Marinette squeaked. “It’s supposed to be super scary, right?”

“You talking about the movie?” Nino joined in. “Oh yeah, it is meant to be one of the scariest, goriest, most disturbing new horror movies of the decade. I’ve been hearing nothing but good reviews and I am so stoked to finally watch it. Dodging spoilers has been rough.”

“That scary? Now I’m interested.” Felix said. “What about you, love?”

“I um...I…” Marinette hated horror movies. She was scared to death of them. Even the cheesy bad ones that everyone laughs at. She couldn’t handle horror in any capacity.

“Marinette’s not a fan of horror.” Alya came to her mute friend’s aid. “Girl is jumpier than a cat on a hot tin roof when it comes to anything scary.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.” Adrien frowned, “You don’t have to come if you’d rather not.”

“Sure she does.” Felix subtly pinched her arm, “It was just the other day we were talking about movies we had seen and she mentioned that she was looking into trying horror again.”

“That true?” Alya asked.

“No--” Felix pinched her arm harder, “Er, I mean, yes?”

“Okay. If you’re sure.” Adrien gave her a waning smile. “But if at any moment you change your mind,”

“I’ll be fine.” Marinette elbowed Felix off her again. She really was going to kill him. He had better hope this movie didn’t give her ideas.

Classes sped by too fast for Marinette’s liking. She really didn’t want to go to this movie. She had been trying to psyche herself up for it but the effort fell flat. She was going to be willingly walking into a dark room with two hours of nightmare fuel and there was nothing she could do to stop it now. Every step towards the theatre felt like another step towards her own grave.

“Why did you say that I would go?” Marinette whined to Felix. “I hate horror! I am a huge scaredy cat! I can’t do this!”

“You are literally living with a demon and you can’t handle a little movie?”

“You’re annoying. Not scary.” She clasped her arms tight around her. “I know that the goal is to get me to spend more time with Adrien but this is too much? Don’t I have the power to veto some of your ideas?”

“Think about this from my point of view.” Felix put an arm around her, “You’re in a dark room, conveniently sat next to your crush. The movie starts to play, the first scare happens and you jump. Jump right into your waiting knight in shining armor’s arms. You cower into him the entire movie and he holds you and comforts you from the scary images and sounds. At the end you’re still shaking slightly. The credits roll but you are still there in his arms. You look up, frightened, trying your best to regain composure. He smiles, and suddenly the nightmares are farther away. And our young knight feels noble and needed by the helpless damsel.”

“You really need to stop reading my YA books.” Marinette replied blandly.

“He’s got a point.” Alya came up on Marinette’s other side. “Sorry to cut in but I couldn’t help but overhear you two plotting to get Marinette into Adrien’s arms. Girl, why didn’t you tell me Felix was acting as your wingman? I could have been helping this entire time!”

“Shush!” Marinette put a finger over her lips. “How much of that did you hear?”

“Enough to know sir stoic here has a flair for the dramatic.” Alya laughed. “As much as I know you hate horror, Felix is kinda right. This would be a good chance to steal some cuddles.”

“Cuddles should not be stolen. Cuddles should be freely given.” Marinette pouted.

“Then I’ll spoon you when we get home to make up for the stolen cuddles now. Better?” Felix said.

“No. Not better. I don’t even see how that would make up for anything.” Marinette groaned. Why was he like this?

“In another life you two would make a cute couple.” Alya said. Marinette glared at her. “Oh don’t give me that look. You’re obviously close. I say if things with Adrien don’t work out you take his bad boy clone over here for a spin.”

“Alya!” She started lightly smacking her arm. It was bad enough dealing with Felix but she couldn’t handle this talk from Alya as well.

“It is so satisfying seeing you happen to someone else.” Felix laughed. “Do it again! Do it again!”

“Shut it.” Marinette charged ahead, “Both of you!”

Since the movie was rated-R Marinette had a fleeting hope of them not being allowed in. That hope died the second Alya’s older sister showed up and bought the tickets for them to go in. Everyone paid back their share to her and shuffled inside the theater. Their group took up an entire row and Felix and Alya were sure to rig the seating so that Marinette was sat next to Adrien. Felix was on her other side to keep her from bolting before the movie began.

The opening credits started and already the creepy music had Marinette’s anxiety cranked up to eleven. It was slow going at first and she relaxed enough to think that maybe she could get over this. Maybe she had been acting like a baby the other--AND SOMEONE’S HEAD JUST GOT CUT OFF! Oh god no!

She flinched away from the screen and hid her eyes in Adrien’s shoulder.

“You alright?” Adrien whispered.

She shook her head profusely. “I’m--I’m sorry. I--I--I didn’t mean to--”

“It’s okay.” He pushed the arm rest between them up between the seats and put a protective arm around her. “Do you want to leave?”

“No.” She took a deep breath. “I can--I can handle it.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

“Okay. Just cling to me if you get scared.” He pulled her a bit closer. “And if you want to bail at any time you can. I’ll even buy you a slushie at the snack counter.”

“Thanks.” Marinette flinched away from the gore on the screen.

Two agonizing hours later the credits finally rolled. Marinette had done a fair share of screaming, jumping and burying her face in Adrien’s shoulder throughout the entire film. For facing her fears and being so brave in the face of such a scary film Adrien walked her to the snack counter for a victory slushie. He kept her close on his arm and didn’t let go until it was time for them to go separate directions home.

She knew she should have been over the moon but the blood curdling screams from the screen still haunted her in the back of her mind. Felix didn’t say anything on the rest of the walk home but let her hold his hand as tightly as she needed.

Right before bed Marinette got a text from Adrien.

Hope the movie didn’t scare you too much. Next time I invite you out let’s see a comedy. Sweet dreams --Adrien

At least it had been worth something.

---

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (7)

---

(tagged)

@sannsibarr @miss-mysterys-blog @maribug-adrienoir @mermaidreject @corabeth11 @goblinwhoships @symwinter

[bts-reveries]

love in ten

day three, part one

♡ i noticed ♡

>pairings: taehyung x reader

>genre: college au, fluff, crack (?)

>a/n: this took too long and it’s not even that good (i genuinely think i get worst and worst at writing now) but i had the next smau parts prepared for so long already ndfjnvjfndkjv

also the stories yn is telling tae are based on true stories that my stupid self has done :3

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

You were meeting up with Taehyung to start your project. You told him that you’ll pick him up at his dorm and you were slightly late. You quickly walked down the halls, not wanting to keep him waiting. 

As you took a turn to his hall, you saw him leaning against his door. He had a red Nike hat on and a dark gray t-shirt tucked into black pants. He just stood there with his phone in his hand, mindlessly scrolling. You stopped in your tracks, wondering if you should yell out his name or just run over there and tap him. You picked the latter, not trusting your voice. 

“Sorry I’m late,” you say sheepishly as you got to him. He simply shrugged.

“We should get going now then,” he says as he passes by you. You nod and turn, catching up with his long strides.

It was quiet for a bit as the two of you walked out of the building in silence.

“You know where to go from here right? Should we take a car?” He asks, breaking the silence. You shake your head no.

“I know where to go and it’s a fairly short walk from here. I think we should be fine and it’s a nice day out,” you smile. He nods again. He seemed a little quieter today.

“Is everything okay?” You ask out of concern. He looks down at you and nods. Again. 

“Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing, you just seemed extra quiet today, that’s all.” He laughs slightly.

“We’ve talked to each other for a few days, how do you know I’m not like this all the time?” You shrug.

“Just a gut feeling.” You two continue to walk in silence and you remember your last conversation. “Hey didn’t you say you wanted to be friends?” You give him a knowing look.

“Only because you didn’t have any and I felt bad.” You scrunched up your eyebrows and glared at him, making him laugh.

“I’m kidding.”

“Yeah, sure-- oh! there it is,” you smile, looking at the shop, which was a few cars away from you.

“Oh good, there’s not that much people,” Taehyung says looking at the direction where you were looking.

“We should hurry and get inside then.” You said, quickly walked into the shop, leaving Taehyung behind. He slowly followed you.

“Oh, you’re actually here with your school stuff for once,” Jin says when you stepped in. 

“Of course, I said I’m going to be doing work.” Not long after you said that, Taehyung walked in too.

“You’re really going to be studying?” Jin says, surprised. 

“I told you. I have a project to do,” you turn behind you and look up. “Right Taehyung?” He nods in agreement. You turn back to Jin and gave him a look. 

“Al… right.. Your usual then?” He asks. Since he worked here, you came often and got the same drink. Your favorite one. All the time. Same one. Until you find a new favorite of course. Right now you had two. 

“Yes, the matcha one pleaasee~~” You turn to Taehyung, “Do you want anything?” He shakes his head no.

“I don’t drink coffee, I’ll get us a seat.” With that he walks past you and to a couple stools by a counter. 

“He does know we serve other things than coffee right?” Jin asks.

“I mean he should? I didn’t order coffee.”

“Yn,” Taehyung called. You turn to him and raised your eyebrows as a response. He nods his head to the side as if he was telling you to come over. You turn back towards Jin.

“Well.. gotta be a good student and do my work now,” Jin laughs at your response, knowing how much you hated doing school work. 

“Hey! Sorry I’m late, I left my wallet at home and had to go back.” Someone said as they walked in. You look to see a girl wearing the same uniform as Jin. Black shirt, blue jeans, and an apron in her hand. She must work here and must’ve been talking to Jin then. You turn to him and see him smiling.

“It’s okay, it hasn’t been too busy yet. Buuuut.. I think you came right on time.” Jin nods to the glass door behind the two of you and see a bunch of college students coming this way.

“Oh.. perfect timing then.” The girl responds. You’re guessing that this is the girl Jin likes. Seeing how everytime he says something to her, he says in a smile. Even when he’s not talking he’s smiling. The girl goes behind the counter, attaching on a name tag. Meg. 

“Jinnie,” you call his attention. He quickly turns back to you.

“Hm?”

“Don’t forget my drink.” You smile, a knowing smile that Jin just nods to. Not knowing why you smiled like you knew something. With that you walked away.

“Okay, I know the girl’s name,” you say, hopping up onto the stool next to Taehyung. 

“Her?” He nods to the girl running behind Jin to grab some cups. You nod.

“I saw the look on his face when she came in,” you smile.

“Are you sure he wasn’t just glad that someone finally came in to help?” He looks around the shop and it was piling in with college students. You shrug.

“I know what it looks like when someone likes someone else, plus Jin doesn’t smile like that around me,” you glare. 

♡ ♡ ♡

“You know, I always wanted to be a barista,” you said, twirling a pencil between your fingers. You were staring mindlessly into space but in the direction of Meg, the actual barista.

“Why don’t you do it then,” Taehyung says in a monotone voice, too busy playing with whatever was on his laptop. The two of you were clearly not doing your work. The shop was too busy for the two of you to observe Jin and Meg’s behavior towards each other. They were too focused and busy making and receiving orders. 

“I don’t know how to make coffee.” You said simply. Taehyung managed to laugh at this.

“I tried and every time I do, I do it wrong,” you pout. “I tried making one of my favorite drinks before and got this cinnamon creamer thing at the store and I didn’t know you were only supposed to add a tablespoon of that in your coffee. I used it like milk and it ended up tasting like diabetes.” You frowned. You look up at Tae and he was just smiling at you, clearly amused. His attention was now away from his laptop.

“Why don’t you ask your friend Jin to teach you?” He suggests. You shake your head no.

“Jin refuses to teach me anything after I left the stove on when I finished making eggs and the house was covered in smoke.” He laughs once again, shaking his head.

“Wow, you’re worse than me.”

“H-hey, maybe if I tried harder I’d be good at it. I just don’t want to waste food if I keep trying and messing it up..”

“Okay, understandable. I’d say I’d teach you how to cook, but I don’t know how either. But maybe we can hang out with my friend Jungkook? He’s pretty good at cooking actually.”

“Oooh, can he teach us?”

“For sure. I’ll ask him. He has to say yes anyways, I’m older than him.” You laugh.

“I like him, he’s adorable,” you smile. 

“Yeah, but he’s annoying so his adorableness doesn’t last too long when you actually get to know him,” Taehyung says, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Well I’ll find that out for myself,” you were still smiling. You don’t know if it’s the conversation or simply talking with Taehyung that makes you feel so giggly. “Anyways Taehyung--”

“You know you can call me Tae, right? No need to be too formal.”

“O-oh, okay, Tae..”

“Oh! Look!” He pointed all of a sudden at the door. There stood a little squirrel peeking inside.

“Oh it’s so cute! That reminds me...” you started. “Once I was with a friend going to our hotel room and when I got out of my car, a squirrel ran straight to me. And I said hi right? Like a normal person would-- Well, I thought, like every squirrel, it would keep their distant but it kept coming closer! I started getting scared and--” You look over at Taehyung and his laptop was now closed and his chin was resting on his palm. It wasn’t an interesting story, but he’s starting to just like hearing you talk. “I thought it would go away when we start walking to the hotel room but it kept following me! It was the scariest experience I had with a squirrel and even when we tried leaving the hotel room after we stayed there for a while, the squirrel was still there and I was terrified to go back. And wherever we went, I kept seeing squirrels everywhere, have you heard the sounds squirrels make? Terrifying.” You rambled on. You looked over at Taehyung’s expression and he just had a shy smile on his face.

“Sorry,” you say sheepishly, “the squirrel just reminded me o-of that memory and it kind of just led onto other-- Yeah, nevermind..” You mumble, and you started to play with your cup when Taehyung said something.

“I liked the story, don’t say sorry,” he laughs. 

“I’m clocking out, I’ll see you,” you overheard. You and Tae turn to look at the door and see Meg leaving already. 

“Wait,” you say in slight panic. “What time is it?? Why is she leaving already?” You hastily looked for your phone.

“O-- have we been talking for that long?” Taehyung says, looking around quite puzzled when the shop was slightly quieter. 

“IT’S BEEN FIVE HOURS.” You yell in surprise. 

“We literally got nothing done,” Taehyung says, looking down at his empty notepad. 

“Story of my life,” you said beneath your breath. 

“How’s everything here? You two were talking the whole time, did you get anything done?” Jin says to the two of you as he was wiping down a nearby table.

“Looks like we’re going to need another day..” you say sheepishly. Jin laughs, lifting his head up to look at Taehyung.

“Good luck with this one. She gets distracted easily and will talk your ears off if she’s comfortable with you. You’re going to have a hard time getting anything done.” You glare at him.

“Hey, I still manage.” Taehyung laughs at what Jin says, knowing now that it’s true. 

“Yeah, I figured. At least it’s fun though. Everything she says is--”

“Stupid?” Jin finishes. Taehyung laughs and your jaw drops.

“I was going to say genuinely adorable.” You smile at his response. Since it was getting a bit late, you started packing your things back into your bag. You closed your notebooks, put your pencils in your pencil pouch and shoved them into your backpack.

“Oh! My camera!” You say, as you find your most pride possession. “I only have a few exposures left. Let’s take pictures so I can get this developed already.” You point the camera at Jin and Tae, instantly, they smile for the camera.  “Cute,” you say after the click. 

“Are you two leaving now?” Jin questions you, you replied to him with a nod.

“Yeah it’s getting kinda late,” you frowned, “I need to get stuff done at home..”

“Like watch youtube and scroll through instagram?” Jin says, cocking an eyebrow. 

“I was thinking of rewatching all three seasons of stranger things actually..”

“Oh, important things,” Taehyung says, amused once again.

“Very.” You replied.

“Well, here’s some snacks to eat for your binging sesh then,” Jin says, handing you a bag of pastries. “On the house, we gotta maintain those cute cheeks of yours.” He gives your cheek a good pinch, leaving a red mark. 

“How cute,” Taehyung says under his breath, but not too low for you not to hear.

“Thanks Jinnie,” you beam, “You’re getting off in a bit right?” He nods. “You can join me if you’re not busy.”

“Okay, I’ll text you.”

“Okay cool, now Tae, let’s go outside, I want to take a picture of that tree,” you pointed. You sling your bag over your shoulder, hopping off of the stool and you ran out of the shop, turning around quickly to send a flying kiss to Jin. It was a thing you just did with him, he found it funny. 

“It was nice meeting you by the way,” Taehyung says, extending his hand to shake Jin’s.

“Yeah, you too. I think I’ll be seeing you around pretty often, now that you hang out with Yn.” Jin says, nodding his head toward you outside the shop. You were sitting in front of the windows, taking a picture of the scenery with your disposable film camera. 

“Yeah, it was just for the project but I guess we’re friends now. She’s surely something,” Taehyung laughs. 

“Well she’s great, despite her being annoying sometimes but it’s fun.”

“Tae, come here,” you call through the window. Your voice was muffled, but loud enough for the two men to understand you.

“She’s pretty chaotic too,” Jin adds.

“I noticed-- I’m coming,” Taehyung answers when you continue to stand there by the window, trying to wait patiently. “I’ll see you again soon Jin.” Taehyung waves. 

“It’s Jin Hyung to you,” Jin glares, Taehyung smiles sheepishly.

“I’ll see you Jin hyung,” he corrects himself as he slipped out the door. 

Taehyung turns and walks towards you.

“Let me take one of you,” he says, taking the camera away from you and pointing it at your face. Jin smiles as he sees this through the other side of the window. All your friends knew about your crush. 

“Aish, she’s doing better than I am,” Jin says to himself. His phone dings and he quickly takes his phone out of his pocket.

Meg: hey are you busy later? oop.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

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[jofabray]

The Only Exception

Tagging: Jo Fabray and DJ Berry @submissivedjberry

Date: September 21

Trigger Warnings: Physical abuse (aftermath)

Summary: The most welcome visitor

DJ

DJ knew that this week was going to be a difficult one for her Domme. From what Jo had told her about her father, he was one of DJ's least liked people in the entire world. She chewed on her bottom lip harshly as she made her way from the submissive dorms to the Dominant dorms. She was careful, not wanting to run into him, breathing out slowly. Jo had wanted her to stay away to keep her safe originally, but DJ had worked her down to DJ just promising not to engage with him and she was extremely grateful for that. She knocked lightly on her Domme's door when she arrived and went to open it, but stopped when she noticed it was locked, kneeling down instead.

Jo

Jo jumped out of her skin at the knock.  She likely would for at least the rest of the week, always fearing what might be on the other side.  But once her heart calmed down for a moment to allow her brain to catch up, she realized the knock was equally distinctive for a different and better reason.  Carefully cradling a bag of ice to her cheek with one hand, she unlocked the door with the other and pulled it gently open.  "C'mon in, darlin' girl.  I forgot it was locked, I'm sorry."

DJ

Her eyes widened when she saw Jo open the door. The sight of her pressing ice to her beautiful face was not something that she had wanted to see at all. She stood up and stepped inside, closing the door and locking it again before turning her attention to Jo once more. "My Miss..." She breathed out slowly, her hands resting on either side of Jo's neck. She pressed her lips to the cheek that wasn't covered in ice and then pulled back. "Can I see?"

Jo

The look on DJ's face was something Jo had wanted to avoid.  Much worse than her being hurt was the knowledge that it would hurt her girl all the more.  The only thing that still mattered to her was making sure that DJ didn't run off half-cocked and try to do something to not just an abusive parent, but a Dominant abusive parent on top of that.  "It's alright, darlin'.  It's okay."  Pulling the ice away for a moment, she turned her cheek into the light.  "It's not as bad as it looks.  Just be a purple spot for a few days."

DJ

She breathed out slowly, worrying her bottom between her teeth. It wasn't as bad as she had been imagining, but she still wasn't enjoying the sight of a bruised cheek on her Domme. "I hate him." She uttered, swallowing harshly and pressing another kiss to the other side of her Domme's face. She loved her so much and she hated that she had had to go through something like this. "Do you think he's going to bother you again, my Miss?"

Jo

"I hate him too," Jo admitted, tears stinging her eyes.  "Every time I think I'm rid of him, there he is again."  She didn't even want to consider the fact that he'd known all about her life while she'd thought she was free of his control, because that was so terrifying that she wasn't sure how to process it.  Feeling lips pressed to her cheek was a welcome distraction, though, and even produced a smile.  "I don't think so, my girl.  The only reason he came at all was that he was lookin' for Q.  Getting a free shot in was just a bonus."

DJ

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Is there anything that we can do to help Quinn?" DJ questioned, worried about her fellow submissive. If Russell had hit Jo, what was he going to do to an unclaimed submissive? Fear welled up within her. She may not know Quinn all that well, but that didn't stop her from not wanting anything bad to happen to her. Her arms slipped around Jo's waist and she pressed a kiss to her shoulder. She hated that Jo seemed so off kilter and truly hoped that they would never have to deal with Russell again.

Jo

"Unfortunately we're pretty limited.  I'm going to keep her with us as much as I can, and Mike's going to do the same, but if he wants her then I think he can get to her one way or the other.  I think all we can really do is make sure that if she needs somewhere safe to go afterwards, she's got one."  It bothered her immensely to know that even as a Dominant, that was all the power that she had.  He still, even now, could ruin their lives.  Wrapping DJ in a one-armed embrace, Jo kissed her head.  "I love you so much, Dalia.  My darlin' girl.  I wish you never had to know about this part of us."

DJ

She chewed on her bottom lip when Jo said that she didn't think that there was much to do and she let out a deep breath. "It's so stupid that parents can still have so much sway and say in our lives when we're adults. I hate it." She grumbled, shaking her head, letting out a deep sigh as a kiss was pressed against her head. Her eyes fell shut and she kissed Jo's shoulder once again. "I'm happy to know every part of you, my Lady. The good and the bad. Forever. I just wish that this wasn't something that any of you had to deal with at all."

Jo

Jo couldn't argue with that.  There was no reason that Russell should still have sway in her life, or anyone else's, except for the fact that he had a biological link to them.  He was unfit as a father, unfit as a person, and generally unfit for existence, but for a week they had to bow and scrape to him like he really was the old time-y king he fashioned himself.  "So do I, love.  I think it's absurd to pretend like we owe things to family, when we've grown up and learned better."  She squeezed DJ a little harder, just needing to know she was there - and then the title reached her ears and her eyes widened.  "Oh...I like that one," she murmured.  "And I wish it wasn't too.  I'd give anything to keep you and to keep them sheltered from him."

DJ

Jo's reaction had been one that she was hoping for and she was glad that the Domme had liked it. She had really enjoyed the idea of that title and it was nice that Jo did as well. She was certain that Domina and my Lady were certain to be her two top choices. Maybe Jo would simply let her bounce between them. When Jo said that she wished she could shield DJ from it, she should her head gently. "I'm okay. I'll avoid him as much as I can. I promise. Do you think he knows about me?" The submissive questioned, pulling back from the Domme to lead her towards the couch so that they could curl up and get comfortable.

Jo

"Normally, I'd have said no.  I've kept him cut out of my life from the first time I left home to right now.  But..." she shuddered a little.  "He said things today.  He knew that I was in Bay.  Knew about the crash.  And I don't know how much else he knows."  That, she knew as she was led toward the couch, was the scariest thing of all.  "So he might."  She pressed the ice back to her cheek.  "Which makes it more important that y'all stay far away from him.  I c-can't...DJ, he can't touch you.  Because if he does I'm gonna kill him.  I mean that."  Flopping onto the couch, she let out a soft sigh.

DJ

DJ curled up against her Domme, her legs resting over the other's lap as she pressed her forehead against Jo's temple. "I'm going to stay away from him. I promise. I'll be right here in this room with you until you send me away or I have orders from someone else...other than work and clubs, I mean." DJ promised, happy to be curled up against the Dominant. There was a certainty to Jo's voice when she spoke about what she would do to her father if he touched her, and DJ wasn't going to risk it. "I'm sorry that he knows about everything, my Lady. He shouldn't have a right to that information at all."

Jo

"That's my darlin' girl.  We'll make it orders except for the 24 hour breaks, and hopefully no one will ask for ya to join them in those moments."  A little sob tried to rip its way free as DJ mentioned the things Russell knew.  "No, he doesn't.  But I was stupid to think that he wouldn't find a way to get it.  Money and connections go well with an obsessive need for control.  I just...hearing about the crash from his lips made it sound like somethin' dirty.  Like it was my fault.  Just another way that I was incompetent."

DJ

"I love you. So much. And he has no idea what he's talking about. Okay? His opinion of you and his opinion of everyone else makes literally no sense at all. Okay? And it doesn't matter. Because he's an asshole. And he's a sad, pathetic, man." DJ breathed out, pressing her lips to Jo's neck. She wanted to help, but she wasn't sure what to do other than curl up against the woman that she loved and kiss her.

Jo

It was very hard to shake off her father's words.  It always had been, because he had a way of crawling under people's skin like some kind of parasite.  But DJ meant more to her than anyone in the world, and so her words were the only ones that could penetrate the fog that Jo was left in.  "I love you too, my girl.  More than I love anythin' in the world.  You're right - that's all that he is.  The sad little king of a sad little hill."  She sniffled, burying her face against DJ for a moment.  "We'll be free of him soon.  I promise you, we'll get out of here and go to Bay and if he ever shows his face I'll call the cops."  Jo fell silent for a moment.  "My face really hurts," she sighed.  "He got me good."

DJ

She frowned when Jo said that her face really hurt and carefully pulled the ice away from her cheek. "You shouldn't keep the ice on for too long. Need to put it in intervals." She took a glance at it and then slipped off of the couch to put the ice in the freezer so that it would have the chance to cool down once again. She then grabbed them both a water and returned to the couch, curling up next to her Dominant again. "I hate that he hurt you. I...I hate that even if I was here I wouldn't have been able to help you."

Jo

Jo hissed softly as the ice was pulled away, but her eyes widened a little at DJ's knowledge.  "My girl is the smartest girl," she murmured, getting as close to her as was humanly possible.  "Thank you for the water, darlin' girl.  I, um..." her voice broke, and she had to take gulping breaths.  "I'm so happy you weren't here.  I was scared enough when it was just me.  And I hate it too.  I hate that he gets to walk around, and I hate that we always have to be afraid of him."

[ahnsael]

I’m going to try to come back to tumblr. I left for a bit because it’s been rough with all the virus posts. I get that there are so many of those posts because it’s pretty much the main thing right now, but I can only take so much.

For now, I’m going to use Xkit to turn off reblogs.

There’s only so much I can handle right now. I’m two panic attacks in and while #2 wasn’t as bad because I knew what it was (the first time I literally thought I was going to drop dead before the ambulance got here, but on #2 I knew not to take medical resources away from someone who may need it more than I did after knowing that I wasn’t actually dying like I thought I was the first time). So while I want to be informed (most of you know I’m a news junkie, but I’m literally under doctor’s orders to limit my news intake), I have to try to limit things.

But I’ve missed you all more than you can possibly know.

I would appreciate any posts about the virus being tagged with either #coronavirus or #COVID-19 so I can limit my intake.

I’m not saying that I will not post about it myself, but I will tag my posts in the same way as I did before I needed to back away for a bit.

But you are my friends, and not having you in my life has made my life less enjoyable. So I need to try to be a part of your lives as well. I just...need to step lightly. If I see a post that may send me over the edge, I need to skip it if I realize what it is before I start losing it. But any warnings about it being about this thing would be VERY welcome. I know the coronavirus has kind of become the Voldemort of our time; some people don’t want to use the name when they talk about it. And I absolutely get that.

We are in unprecedented times. And I honestly don’t know how to handle it. My brain is all over the place right now and I don’t know whether I’ll be okay or not in the long run, mentally.

We’ve faced widespread viruses before (I thought the plural would be “virii” but a web search after the squiggly red line under the word I searched it and apparently it’s “viruses”), but it’s never been like this in my lifetime.

Some of you have reached out to me in messages, email, or on other sites, and I cannot tell you the amount of love I have for you. And, honestly, for those of you who are just tumblr friends who don’t know me elsewhere, I have love for you as well. Some of you who have reached out are practically strangers to me, but I follow you on here because your content is important to me as it fits my interests.

But I’m picky about who I follow. Tumblr, for me, is about relationships. I come here because I have friends here. And once in a while, I make a new friend. Some I get to know better than others. But I don’t just accept anyone into my circle. If we’re friends here, it’s because I genuinely like you.

So be gentle with me. I’m two panic attacks into this thing (the first landed me in the hospital because I had never had one before and genuinely thought I was dying within minutes). The second, while not good (and had me use one of my five pills meant to abate such a thing -- I still have four left), I at least understood what was happening and didn’t involve paramedics.

But...I do need to be careful. I don’t want another panic attack. I had never had one before last week, but...if you haven’t had one, I’ll just say they are SCARY AS HELL when you’re having one. Again, I spent hours in the hospital (and, under current circumstances, unable to even have family visit me), and I’m very fortunate that a panic attack was all that it was, but...if you haven’t had a full-blown panic attack, it’s SCARY AS HECK.

As in, I was once robbed at gunpoint and thought the guy was going to shoot me. This was scarier than that. I cannot overstate how much I thought I was about to die. I even told Facebook that I was probably done for. I could barely even move my hands (apparently that was from hyperventilation) but I have co-worker friends on Facebook and wanted them to know why I wasn’t at work whenever we are able to reopen. This is literally what I posted at the time:

I struggled before that to text my little sister to tell her that I loved her, after saying it to my mom in person. I literally thought it was my last chance to say it to both of them, and while I have more friends here than on Facebook, it was toe coworker thing that made me choose to post what I thought was my final goodbye there instead of here. I didn’t have the strength or the control of my hands to try to make a second post here. As I said, I thought I was going to drop dead before the ambulance got here.

Stepdad and Mom tried to get me to sit down, but I refused -- I honestly thought that if I let myself sit or lie down, I would never again stand up. Willing myself to stay upright, I thought at the time, was the only chance I had. I didn’t even want to get on the gurney for the ambulance ride for the same reason, but it’s not like one can stand up in an ambulance (and while it wasn’t a “lights and sirens” ride, the driver took curves and I almost fell off the gurney a couple times -- my legs were strapped in, but not my upper body, and I had to brace myself a few times to keep from falling off).

I was SO happy to be able to text my mom and my little sister to tell them that I was going to be okay and able to come home that day (last time I was at this hospital, it was for three days and two blood transfusions).

My sis had texted after my initial text to say that there was SO much that she wanted to say to me (which she has since said) but that she didn’t know whether I would have been able to reply (for the first bit, I would not have been physically able to -- it was all I could do at the time to send her the “I love you” message but I would rather die trying to tell her that than to leave it unsaid), or if I would be able to due to being in the hospital (and for the next couple hours, that WAS the case, even after my hands stopped seizing up and shaking uncontrollably).

I mean, I had an Evil Stepdad with a gun. I’ve been robbed at gunpoint. And yet this still stands out as the scariest moment of my life.

Maybe that makes me a wimp. Maybe it doesn’t. But tumblr has been my go-to social media for at LEAST a decade (granted, I have switched accounts once or twice).

I cannot get through this alone. And while I have Twitter and Facebook, both are mostly Disney (and on Facebook, the addition of coworkers). But y’all, my tumblr friends, know me better than anybody else. So I appreciate your support during these times, which some of you have already shown.

As a favor, I ask that you tag relevant posts with #coronavirus and/or #COVID-19 so I can limit how much the current situation affects me. If you miss one here or there, I get that. But while I like to keep informed (most of you know that I’m an absolute news junkie under normal circumstances and that I’m usually on top of things), I’m literally under Doctor’s orders to try to avoid news right now, but I also want to know the basics.

I’ve lived through an abusive stepdad who once tried to kill my mom. I’ve lived through natural disasters. I’ve lived through a LOT. I could probably come up with better examples if I had the mental energy. But I’m at my breaking point, and I’ve crossed that breaking point twice now and it would be a shame if I put myself over that edge again when there are so many other things that can do so.

I’m tentatively back, because I miss all of you. But that could change, because I need to take care of my mental health and avoid going over that edge again. Twice is MORE than enough.

No matter how you take this post,,whether you still support me or think I’m being a wimp, please be kind to one another in general and STAY HOME when you can (and when you cannot, PLEASE practice social distancing -- it’s only by us taking this seriously and supporting each other that we get through this).

And I mean this with absolute sincerity: I thank each and every one of you for being a friend. If we are friends here, we are friends in real life as far as I’m concerned. And the reason I’m friends with you is because you make my life better by being a part of it.

[buckleysjareau]

is this what it feels like? (song fic; guts - all time low)

Shooting for the stars,

Desperately reaching for something in the dark,

Pictures of memories buried in my heart,

Lie awake and dream of the endless possibilities,

Catch my breath and go for it

TJ Kippen had it bad for Cyrus Goodman. The smile, the laugh, the excitement. Before they met, TJ had never knew what people were talking about when they talked about the butterflies in their stomach, the feeling of your whole body heating up and the happiness in the chest. Before Cyrus Goodman, he couldn’t understand what it was like to have a crush.

It wasn’t even a crush at that point. Cyrus made TJ feel all of those things and more.

When he met Cyrus, he had no clue what would happen. He was just trying to stay on the basketball team and the only way to do that was if Buffy helped.

He’d get the tutor if Cyrus got the muffin. Then the look on his face when he had the muffin made TJ feel something he’d only over heard from his friends. The twinge in his heart, the butterflies and it scared TJ.

Fast forward to a little over a year later and TJ has admitted to himself; he was so far gone for Cyrus Goodman.

Who wouldn’t be, though?

He closed his eyes, trying to find someway to get to sleep. The only thing filling his mind was Cyrus. What he could have with Cyrus if he wasn’t scared. If his feelings were reciprocated.

If things like that were accepted in a setting such as middle school and high school. He’d get to hold Cyrus’ hand in the hallways and on the streets. He could kiss Cyrus whenever he wanted. He could call him his boyfriend.

It wasn’t that simple, though, was it?

Take apart,

Everything that’s holding me down,

Make a point to pick a new direction, to make a new connection

TJ sat at a picnic table, picking at the ice cream Kira made him buy for the two of them. Kira was gone at that point. Thank God, TJ thought.

Cyrus said he hadn’t been avoiding him but at that point, TJ knew he was. It hurt. It physically hurt and he didn’t know if he could take it anymore.

“Hey, TJ.” He looks up and his heart rate sky rockets at the sight of Buffy Driscoll. He was scared, but he was also hopeful Cyrus was with Buffy and he’d just got side tracked.

“Buffy.” He responds with the best smile he could conjure up. “Is Cyrus with you?”

Buffy raises an eyebrow. “No.”

The disappointment TJ feels is so deep he’s positive it’s showing on his face, and but the look on Buffy’s face, it definitely was.

“Is Cyrus avoiding me?”

TJ has no control over his mouth right then and he’s sure Buffy can see right through him. She definitely can.

Buffy looks as if she’s contemplating something. “Are you and Kira together?” She asks instead.

TJ groaned. “We’re not together.”

“Okay.” Buffy pauses. “Can I ask you something?”

He swallows the lump in his throat before nodding.

“Why are you hanging out with her? She’s not a nice person.” She sighs. “We didn’t get off on the wrong foot at all when we met but I do care about you. I just don’t want you caught up in her storm.”

“I’m aware.” He mumbles. “I wanna stop hanging out with her, but..”

Buffy’s eyes widen when he admits he doesn’t want to be hanging out with Kira and it’s piecing together in her mind.

“But what?”

“She knows something about me and I feel like she’ll tell people if I do?” He shrugs and looks away.

“Is she manipulating you?” Buffy asks with a tone TJ never thought would be used on him. Defensive. Over TJ.

She really did care about him.

“No. I don’t think so.” He thought about it for second before speaking again. “I guess. I didn’t wanna go on the swings the other day but she always seems to know the right thing to get me to do something.”

Buffy’s face softens. “What’s going on? You can trust me.”

And suddenly TJ feels like he’s going to explode if he doesn’t tell someone how much he liked Cyrus Goodman. He’s going to explode if he doesn’t tell someone and all of the courage he wished he’d had before Costume Day bubbles in his chest as he speaks.

“Buffy, I’m gay. I like Cyrus.” TJ’s eyes screw shut, anticipating the worst case scenario, even though he knows he could trust Buffy.

He feels a hand grab his and he opens his eyes to see Buffy with a soft smile on her face. “That’s okay, TJ. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Please don’t tell anyone.” He begs.

“I would never do that. It’s your choice who you come out to and when.” Buffy pauses. “But, a word of advice, you really need to stop hanging out with Kira. She’s holding you down.”

Yeah, yeah, she was, TJ thinks as he smiles gratefully at his friend.

He couldn’t believe he just called Buffy Driscoll his friend. A lot can change in a year.

Is this what it feels like,

Finding out that I’ve got the guts to say anything,

Feels like breaking out,

When I can give up my reputation

Finally, I can see,

Honestly I’ve got the guts to say anything

Coming out to Buffy had struck something in him. He’d finally said the words and it was the scariest thing he’d ever done but it was okay. Things were okay. He wasn’t struck by lightning, he didn’t spontaneously combust, he was okay. He felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders and he could breathe a little better than he had been before.

What Buffy said, about Kira holding TJ down struck something in him as well.

He’d finally been able to say that word and tell Cyrus’ best friend about his crush on him and that courage hadn’t gone away. He knows the second Kira’s around, though, that courage would be gone and he’d be trapped again.

Kira was holding him down. She was holding him down, holding him back from being okay with himself and who he was, and that needed to change.

Bold enough to fall flat on my face,

When I walk as they crawl,

Slowing down is such a waste of time,

Time to let go,

Tapping my fingers to the rhythm of a metronome,

Counting opportunities

That change was happening today. He asked Kira to meet him at the courts and for the first time since Costume Day, he was actually excited to see Kira.

“Hey!” Kira gave a flirty grin and TJ felt absolutely nothing.

“Hey. We need to talk.” He cut to the chase, because if he hadn’t, he wasn’t sure how long this courage could last.

Kira’s smile dropped. “What’s wrong?”

“We can’t hang out anymore.” Is all TJ can think to say.

“Is this about Cyrus?” She automatically assumes and TJ wants to know just how obvious he really was it came to Cyrus.

TJ shakes his head and sighs in frustration. “No, Kira, it’s not about Cyrus. It’s about me. You’re holding me down. I know you know something about me but you can’t use it against me anymore. Things are different now than they were literally an hour ago because someone told me it was okay.”

Kira tried to smirk. “Told you what was okay? Your little crush on Cyrus?”

TJ freezes when he realizes how loud she’d said that but quickly snapped out of it. “Yes.”

“Whatever, Kippen, have fun with that.” She storms away and he couldn’t believe he’d admitted his crush twice in the span of an hour.

He would have been wasting time if he waited, wasting courage.

It was time to let go of the fear.

Take apart,

The gravity that’s holding me down,

Make a point,

To find a resolution, to be my own solution

He was able to let go of Kira, sure, but wasn’t able to let go of the fear, just yet. Now that Kira was out of his life things with Cyrus had finally been back to normal.

He wanted to tell Cyrus, more than anything, but that courage was nowhere to be found when he was around him. He was nervous, he messed up on his words, he was the definition of a disaster gay, as his sister told him.

He just couldn’t help it, though. Cyrus made him nervous, giddy, flustered; and he didn’t even know it.

He’s at the swings with Cyrus and he’s swinging high and he’s watching Cyrus try to swing higher than him and he wishes he could feel completely free. He wanted to feel as if he was actually flying in that moment and he feared he never could if he didn’t tell Cyrus.

The only thing that would make him feel free was to come out to the one person who never once judged him for anything. It was the only thing to solve the gravity that’s keeping down.

Is this what if feels like,

Finding out that I’ve got the guts to say anything,

Feels like breaking out,

When I can give up my reputation,

Finally, I can see,

Honestly, I’ve got the guts to say anything

The Mack-Quinn family was throwing a party and Cyrus, and surprisingly enough, Buffy begged him to come.

Which is where he found himself, sitting on a bench near the fire pit to keep warm. There were a lot of people in there and Kira had showed up.

She’d apologized and even though TJ forgave her, seeing her there overwhelmed him to the point he couldn’t be around anyone. His mind was going too fast and that overwhelming need to tell Cyrus was back.

“Is this seat taken?” TJ looks up to see Cyrus and he’s distracted by the way the light of the fire touches Cyrus’ face, making him glow.

Cyrus Goodman was an angel.

TJ shook himself out of his gaze and patted the seat next to him.

“Why are you out here all alone?”

TJ shrugs because any words he could say have left his mind. No matter how much he wanted to tell him and felt like he could, the minute he sees Cyrus, it’s out of the window because God, he was in love with Cyrus Goodman and if things changed again because of who he is and his feelings, he wouldn’t know what to do.

He stares at Cyrus. Cyrus was truly a work of art, to put it. A masterpiece. He was good times, happy times, he was everything good in the world made into human form.

Suddenly tears are blocking his vision. He can’t tell if it’s the fear making him cry, or if it’s just how much he truly felt for the boy in front of him.

“TJ? You’re scaring me.”

“Sorry, sorry, Underdog.” He sniffles as he wipes a tear away. “What did you say?”

“I asked why you were out here all alone. It’s freezing.” He states.

TJ hadn’t noticed how freezing it was because his whole body felt warm when he was there.

“Kira apologized to me.” He pauses. “I just needed some time by myself.”

“Oh. I can go.” Cyrus starts to get up but TJ grabs his wrist.

“No, please.” TJ’s voice cracks and Cyrus’ face softens again. “I kind of have something I need to tell you.”

“Okay.. what’s up?”

“Listen, this is really hard to say, but I need to say it to finally feel free.” He gulps. “I, I’m, I like... I’m gay.”

It’s silent. Frustratingly silent and TJ realizes he might have messed up. But Cyrus looked like had to say something as well and TJ hopes he’s just trying to find the right words to be supportive.

“Is there anything you wanna tell me?” TJ prompts after a minute of silence, touching his hand.

Cyrus looks down at their hands and looks up with a soft smile and the butterflies multiply by thousands at that look he was giving him. He could hear his heart beat in his ears and he felt like he was dying, but the funny thing was, despite that, he felt totally free.

He’d told the one person he needed to tell.

“I’m gay too?” Cyrus speaks up in the tone of a question. “You have really nice eyes? I like you, like like you.”

The last statement was said as if he was sure. Sure that he liked him.

The happiness TJ feels can only come out in tears.

“I’m sorry, please don’t let this change us!” Cyrus rushes out when he sees the tears in his eyes but TJ just shakes his head.

TJ’s urge to hold Cyrus’ hand comes overbearing as he reaches down to Cyrus’ hand and grabs it. If he thought the butterflies were a lot before, they were definitely way worse.

TJ cries. “I like, like you so much, Cyrus.”

“You-you do?”

“So much it hurts.” He pauses. “You make me feel things I didn’t think I was capable of feeling. Not to sound cheesy but you’re everything to me, Underdog. I’ve been a little more than lost without you.”

Cyrus doesn’t respond with words. Instead, he gives TJ that small smile that’s full of adoration and he doesn’t know how to breathe. The thing that brings him back down to earth is Cyrus squeezing his hand.

“Can we just stay like this for a little?” TJ sighs with content.

“Of course.”

TJ felt free. He was free.

—————————————————

this is bad and I didn’t know how to separate it with the keep reading thing on the mobile app, but I wanted to post it here anyway. Ao3 link in reblog.

@you-get-to-exhale-now-cyrus it’s bad but here :-)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #259

"i went straight to heaven, but i kept on knockin’.”

What's something that makes you feel more creative? Music. What are the last three nail polish colors you wore? Wow, idk the last time I wore nail polish, but probably black or maroon. What's the last thing you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? YouTube is essentially my TV. Quite literally - I don't have a television in my room because I never watch it. What's a DIY project that you don't think actually works? Oh dude, plenty. I have DIY-obsessed friends online as well as a Pinterest, I know this shit, lmao. I can name one though with total certainty because I was with a friend when she tried that disgusting "YOU CAN MAKE cuPCAkES IN A C uP!!!!!" crap. It's the most eggy shit you'll ever try. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I think those crafts are generally super cute. Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? (or what's one thing?) Oh yeah, one of my biggest being my senior prom pictures, but not for the reason you'd expect (save for two pictures of us that're just REALLY fuckin cute): I want them back because goddamn I was pretty ok and I miss that now that I hate my body every waking moment of every day. :^) What color is the zip-up hoodie you wear the most? Don't have one w/ a zipper, they're ugly. Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? No. Do you hate taking naps during the day? Nooo I love naps and usually take one a day. I tend to feel really tired all over again a few hours or so after I wake up. Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Would you ever audition for American Idol? Hell no. Do you know anyone who thinks they're more talented than they are? Lol wow, this is mean. I don't think so. Do you buy gum? Rarely, even though I like it. What's your favorite dollar store?  I don’t have a favorite, I'd say? But I think we normally go to Dollar General. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? Maybe like, six? Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? BITCH I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!! I would kill to get married in one, omfGGGGGGGGGGG. What was the most boring field trip you ever want on? I don't remember a bad one. I loved going on field trips. The last time you went, what were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? I’ve never been. Which country would you most like to visit? Eeeeek idk, but probably South Africa. What are your favorite types of videos to watch on YouTube? What I watch on YouTube has become pretty diverse, but I know my favorites are easily Mark's actual big projects w/ egos 'n shit alksjdflk;w gOOD SHIT MY FRIENDS. I still love let's plays, of course! Are you a hoarder? No. Is there a guy (or girl) that you wish things had worked out with? Yes. If you were to start a collection, what would it be? I'd loooove Shadow of the Colossus stuff, particularly the amazing figures they used to have only in Japan. And World of Warcraft stuff; all I have rn is an Illidan poster and a fae dragon plushy hanging from my ceiling that Jason got me. If you were rich, what things would you get done cosmetically? Mother of god, a lot. #1, make me skinny again for the love of fuck. Which would result in loose skin being taken off and probably a breast lift because being overweight ruined my comfort with them laskdjfw. Whiten my teeth and give me laser hair removal surgery on my legs, please. Are your parents too controlling? Not at all. Who is your favorite fictitious redhead? VOL'JIN Blizzard what the FUCK give him BACK What shows have you seen on Broadway? None. Who is the prettiest Asian YouTuber that you can think of? Bitch Mark is Korean and he's gorgeous as fuck goddamn it ain't fair. But this is a weird question. What is the best news you've heard lately? When my mom got a follow-up blood test, things looked good!! She especially needed to level out her sugar, which she did well on. She also didn't lose or gain any weight, so that's wonderful. Have you ever flown first class? Hunny I am v poor. Have you ever had food SO bad in a restaurant that you sent it back? I don't believe so, anyway. Do you talk in your sleep? Very regularly now. Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? OOF, yes. Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? They stick with me for a long, long time. At least two I remember from years upon years ago. Who was the last person you cut out of your life intentionally? My old therapist that I trusted and loved when I fucking shouldn't have. Where were you raised? By who? Eastern NC, by my parents. What were your first words? "Dada." What were some of your favorite things when you were young? DINOSAURS, Webkinz, Pokemon, and Spyro, to name a few. What did you grow up listening to? Mostly country and pop music. What games did you play in the past? Spyro was my obsession, and I also loved hunting games (ironic, as irl I would never even consider it???) as well as fishing ones, plus Crash Bandicoot. What was the best birthday party you ever had? I'm not sure. How about the best vacation? I'm unsure; I haven't really been on a lot. Do you have any secrets you never intend to tell? Yup. What memory would you like to disappear from your mind forever? A nightmare I had about my dad. If you were someone else, would you be friends with the person you are now? Yeah. Do you consider yourself a smart person? No. What friend in your life has been the greatest influence to you? I don't know. Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? What made it so terrifying? I shared a bedroom with an EXTREMELY volatile, violent woman once in the mental hospital. As in she had to go in solitary when she had a violent episode, during which she became very destructive to her surroundings, so as you could guess, I was worried about my own wellbeing. She was eventually moved because I was that uncomfortable. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? Well, Easter hasn't come yet, but we'll probably go to my sister's house for the kids. We'll celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving without fail. We don't pay much attention to others. I'd LOVE to do something for Halloween, we just never have anywhere to go/anything to do. What was the last thing you deleted? Pictures. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but don’t wear often? There's black there. Oh, there's s'more black. What's that???? More bLACK????? MAN, I wish I could pull off pink. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? I had a pretty intense headache yesterday. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? My niece, and yeah, every time I visit. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? The fact I almost never leave my pajamas lmao. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? A few days back, I was reeeaaally bored and actually watched TV deliberately, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????? It was The Witcher; wasn't bad. I'd be willing to watch more. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? uuuuuggggGHHHHHHHH let me be GOTH. Give me a corsette if they weren't notoriously uncomf with plenty of chains 'n stuff. BIG, SPIKY BOOTS. SKINNY LEATHER PANTS. UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH. Have you ever tried snowboarding? No. What’s your favorite planet besides Earth? Saturn is dope. Would you ever be a coach for any sport? Nope. What color of eyes do you have? Blue. Do you like tacos? NOOOOOOOOO. White or red wine? Wine is gross. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Foxes. What’s the youngest you would consider dating? No younger than 21. Do you think suits are sexy? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I was never really a fan. Respected him immensely as a musician, I just didn't care much about his music. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving? Ham. Turkey is always too dry and stringy. Do you look good in hats? I wouldn't know, I haven't worn one in forever. Never with short hair. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face's eyes? Colons. Do you like architecture? If so, do you have a favourite style or structure that you’d like to make note? Yes, and I should really have an answer for this, as architecture was a big part in Art History... Ummm Etruscan stands out, and of course Roman/Greek (even after the class I don't remember their differences well...). I love Middle Eastern architecture, too. What is one of your favorite words, in any language, and why? I just love the sound of "serendipity," as well as uhhhh "sakura" in Japanese and "kanji" in Chinese. I'm trying to think of a German one, as there certainly are some, but they're evading me right now. Where is the farthest you’ve travelled on foot? JESUS FUCK probably going to get Sara's brother from school, mother of all that is holy. But it might just feel like it because it was during the peak of my muscle atrophy in my legs. Are there any songs that you perhaps like but avoid because it makes you sad when heard? A good number. Do you like the area that you live in? What do you like or dislike about the area? NO. There's not shit to do and it's not aesthetically pleasing at all. Do you have a memory of when you really thought that you have lucked out on something? If so, what was it? Uhhhhh. A handful, I guess? Oh, uh, the suicide attempt to name one and probably the biggest. I took way too many of those pills to experience almost zero symptoms of an overdose; I did look up what "too many" was, because I wanted that. I'd say I was pretty fuckin lucky. If you have apps on your mobile phone, which one do you use the most? Facebook. Which do you like better: fantasy or science fiction novels? Why? FANTASY!!! I think it allows more creativity and possibilities of something magically "making sense" because yeah, it's fantasy. Science fiction has more "realness" to it, more, obviously, scientific elements versus make-believe. Do you like opossums? Do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets? OPOSSUMS!!!!!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're my second-favorite animals kdsja;lkdjaw. BUT ANYWAY, no, unless it's for rescue reasons. When was the last time someone asked you a huge favor or advice? Do you get asked often by this person? Oh I have no idea. Probably my mom? And no, definitely not. She hates asking for help. What are your thoughts on nihilism? I definitely get it, but it's not my personal outlook. Do you like the snow? More like love. What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? I don't know? I've never even had a real, steady job, so it's hard to really answer... I've only had bad experiences. It's kinda weird to me how you have to work your ass off (usually) to get a job you enjoy, as well as slave for some stupid green paper until the day you die just to stay alive and healthy. But at the same time, it offers a sense of fulfilment and is as well something productive and beneficial to the masses to do. Civilization would be very, very different and unadvanced if we were without them, so I guess it is a necessary thing. Humans gotta work together to keep where we're at. Do you believe in astrology? I've never actually elaborated why I don't believe in it so there ya go: not in the slightest. All it does is offer extremely broad characteristics that, in some light, almost anyone can relate to so they feel included in something. We naturally want to "belong" within something as social creatures, and astrology is an easy one with it being so vast. It gives equally indirect advice that can be applied to a multitude of situations, so people just mold what they read to fit their world. Don't base your goddamn life choices on the random positioning of shit in space. What is something that you’ve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? Well, way way way too many OCs that I do indeed love a hell of a lot. If you have a Tumblr account, do you have any followers that you wish would not follow you? Well I'm sure there are bots. What kind of books do you generally enjoy to read? Fantasy stuff, mostly. But I also love novels with deep meaning, particularly about life in general. A good plot is mandatory. Does the quality of a video, on YouTube or a television, matter to you? I mean of course in some situations, like if I'm watching something educational/something to gain visual knowledge from. What is one situation that may cause you to become shy (if there is any)? Don't don't don't don't don't point out that my serious interests/things I massively love are "weird" like it's been years and I can still barely explain why my biggest tattoo is a tribute to some fuckface on the Internet lmao. When one is depressed, what can a friend do about it? Do you find that there is a good method to approach people in helping them combat depression? It is SO important to, first, ask them what they want. Do they want advice, an ear to just listen, just your presence, to be alone? As for combating depression, that greatly depends on the origin (if any) of theirs. There are so many factors in answering this question, but what I mentioned should, imo, always be the start. Do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? Is it a little bit of both? Definitely both. When I'm sad though, I'm almost definitely listening to somber music too. Do you find yourself to be generally a forgiving person? I'm too goddamn forgiving. Do you have an embarrassing memory that you now look back at and can laugh? If so and if you’re comfortable, could you share one here? Omg I have a Bible-length collection of those suckers. I'd prefer not to. What is one skill that you have worked hard to develop? Is there still room for improvement on that skill? Damn, anxiety-coping mechanisms and actually trusting them to help me through attacks. I used to be convinced that they were useless because it just wouldn't work and weren't immediately effective, but you've gooooooot to trust the process, friends. What do you consider to be your main passion(s) and how did they come about? Spreading awareness of the seriousness of mental health and the comfort of knowing there's hope. You can never stop pushing. My own experience with mental health struggles is definitely the deeeep roots of that. Who do you think influenced you the most in your life so far? Why? Jason changed my life in many ways. Trauma does that. He taught me a lot about the necessity of having faith in yourself to survive on your own, a shitload about love and how it's not some fairy tale, and that people change, even those you least expect to. What is something that you have overheard people talk about that really bothered you? I could name more than a few things about race stuff, living where I do. What do you normally say or how do you normally act in response to a compliment? I usually do this shy laugh and say "thank you" with too much enthusiasm. How many books do you own? Do you have more physical books than electronic books? I've no clue where a lot of my old ones are. I have no electronic ones; I strongly prefer to read a physical book. What are your thoughts on higher education? Is it really necessary? In your opinion, what changes can be made? Depending on your aspiring career, it can be necessary, but just as easily, it can be unnecessary. I know for a fucking fact it should not be NEARLY as expensive as it is. Maybe even free, but I have no idea what monetary concerns that could cause with whoever runs the place. Have you ever received a heartfelt compliment from a stranger? Probably at some point. How many people would you consider to be extremely close to you? "Extremely"... like three lmao. Maybe one more or so. When was the last time you had to speak to a crowd? How well did that go? When I was taking pictures at a wedding last. It went okay. How would you describe your general outlook towards humanity? We by no means deserve to be the apex predator and Earth would be a shitload better without us. How long do you think you could last without any contact with your significant other, best friend, or a person whom you consider would be the closest to you? I'll use my mom here, in which case idk. I don't particularly want to find out. I talk to her at LEAST by text daily. Every day now that she can't work/is always home with me. Have you ever realised that someone was lying, but it was too late to confront them? Nope. Eventually speaking up is how I lost her, but.