#i’m just venting. just talking in a corner by myself

[notannascribbles]

to preface: i AM IN FACT aware that kind people with good intentions can make bad choices, and that those choices don’t define them. especially fourteen year old people under intense, unfathomable levels of stress. i do not think marinette is a “bad” person, and i don’t “blame” her for choosing to lie to adrien. it makes sense for her character to do that. it’s very easy for us to sympathize with her in this situation.

that being said, i do believe that what she chose to do in the season 5 finale is unforgivable (by adrien). and i think that must be where i diverge from a lot of other viewers. i assume that the viewers who are engaging with this plotline with excitement and interest as a complicated new development must still envision a scenario where this gets resolved and adrien and marinette get together, right?? i think that has to be the point of disconnection here. that’s where i can’t follow. i can’t envision a resolution anymore. i think that what marinette has done to adrien is too bad—i don’t see us coming back from this one.

and it’s not even that i don’t think adrien will forgive her. i think that if the truth does come out, he probably will say he forgives her and will do whatever he can to keep marinette (and all the others who lied to him) in his life. i think his love for marinette and his fear of being alone will outweigh everything else. it’s just that that scenario doesn’t resolve the conflict, at least to me. it really just perpetuates the cycle of abuse that started with adrien’s parents.

adrien’s whole story has always been oriented around being trapped/breaking free. adrien is constantly struggling against threats to his agency—whether that’s being physically trapped, being lied to about his own life, being stuck in cycles of emotional abuse—and his response, when he is able, is to break free. adrien wants out of that house. he wants out of the abuse. he wants to be in charge of his own life. the first time we ever see adrien, he is running away.

we cheer when he destroys the prison bars. we cheer when he breaks free. the natural conclusion of adrien’s arc was always pointing toward him finally breaking free from the traumatic cycle of abuse that his father kept him in—a triumph that was perfectly set up to span both his superhero and civilian identities. there’s a reason why no one in the fandom ever envisioned a realistic scenario where chat noir was completely absent from the hawkmoth takedown. it’s because the story was never, ever pointed in that direction. it always made the most sense for adrien to be there, because actively breaking free from his father’s control was the only feasible resolution for adrien’s story.

but the writers had different priorities when crafting this plotline, and now adrien’s arc will never have the opportunity to be resolved like that. instead, now marinette is being used as an extended instrument of gabriel’s abuse, which means that now adrien will never be able to break free from this cycle until he breaks free from marinette. it’s not about intentions or “blame” or whether or not that’s what marinette deserves. it’s literally just about how adrien’s arc at this point could possibly be resolved.

if adrien forgives marinette (as i’m confident he will), their relationship at that point no longer feels like the light at the end of adrien’s tunnel. it just feels like an extension of the cycle adrien was already trapped in, where the people he loves violate his autonomy out of a warped sense of protection, and then he forgives them because he is terrified of being left alone. being with marinette no longer offers the prospect of a fresh new start after a lifetime of abuse. it’s always going to be tainted now, because she chose to use her power to perpetuate gabriel’s control over adrien’s life. she’s tied herself into the cycle now, on gabriel’s side. marinette’s actions are understandable and sympathetic, but they still have consequences. this is the story now.

it’s possible that the show will surprise me—it often does—and they will find a way to resolve adrien’s arc in a way that feels satisfying to me. i’m just not really banking on it. i think the writers’ priorities are elsewhere, which is fine. they can write the story they want to write. it’s just disappointing, as someone who has found adrien’s arc to be incredibly compelling. it’s also just soured the lovesquare for me now—i don’t like seeing adrien and marinette together anymore, which is disorienting and sad.

for what it’s worth, i do hope i’m wrong! i hope it does all get resolved, and i hope i love this story again. it was really really fun to love this story. i love adrien and marinette a whole lot.

[yourlocalmissingtexture]

Oh cool, a server for queer people in my area, seems inclusive based on the tags so that’s great! I don’t join servers but I’ll check it out! Who’s the person running this thing anyway?

*checks their profile, “men dni”*

Oh.

[petitgalaxy]

.

[swee7dream]

how would the dreamies react to their s/o regressing for the first time in front of them after being super stressed and not being able to be a little ? ^^

it’s been a long time caregiver!nct dream x gender-neutral!regressor!reader

genres sfw age regression content, established relationship, hurt / comfort, angst in some, bits of fluff in all warnings involuntary / vent regression, regression block, negative self-talk, haechan's is long sry dni if you sexualize age regression. not only blocking but also reporting.

author’s note i'm SO sorry this took so long for me to get out. i promise i didn't forget about you, nonnie! i might've geared a little bit ( a lot ) off the prompt at times but i still hope you like it ! thx 4 requesting !

mark lee (ᓀ‸ᓂ) wc 642

With all your responsibilities lately, Mark finds it logical that you don’t regress as often as you used to. The last time he remembers was over three months ago. He misses taking care of you, hearing your sweet voice call out for your 'Mack!'. But he doesn’t want to burden you even more with any expectations to do anything you weren’t feeling up to do. He wasn’t planning to bring it up. Honest.

That was until you started coming home to avoid his kisses and go straight to bed. That moment left a pang in his heart.

In the silence and tension of your apartment, Mark finds himself in your little corner of tiny things, picking up your toys and dusting off your coloring books with longing. He misses his baby, so he’s going to get his baby back, he decides, no matter what it takes.

“Oh look, that new Disney movie came out you said you wanted to go see it, right?”

“I’m tired, Mark.”

“…okay.” He bites the inside of his cheek.

Just keep trying, Mark. You got this.

“Babe, I’m doing laundry. You want me to wash Cheese Doodle?” He knocks at your office door.

“Huh?” You raise your head as if you were a fish out of water. “Uh, yeah. That’s fine. Thank you.”

Hmph.

“What is that?” You give the box in Mark’s hand a look.

“It’s a game. Picked it up at the store. It’s like… Twister? But there’s something different about it. I dunno, I didn’t pay attention to the label and just bought it. Chenle asked that we bring some kind of board game for his party on Saturday.”

“Oh. Well, I have a thing on Saturday so tell him I can’t go but I hope everyone has fun.”

As the saying goes, the fourth time’s a charm.

“You’re not going to bed?” You rub your eyes, already in your night clothes and under the sheets.

“Not really tired,” he replies with a shrug as he makes his way out into the kitchen. “I think I’m gonna make myself some angel milk to get the sleeping juices going. That always worked for you. You want some?”

You’re already pretty tired, the events of the day had sucked every last drop of potential energy from you. Still, some angel milk in all its sweet, vanilla-tasting glory makes you lick your lips.

“…yeah. Please,” you answer.

When he comes back from the kitchen, he has your warm drink in one hand and Cheese Doodle—your orange puppy stuffie—in the other.

“Sit up for me, baby,” he says softly as he sits down on the edge of the bed, not wanting to spill anything from your favorite mug.

“Unicorn…!” You notice, taking the pink and rainbow cup in your two sleeve-clad hands. “Thank you.”

“Mhm.” Mark smiles. “and I just took cheese doodle out of the laundry too. Used the fabric softener that you like. Wanna feel?”

“Oh.” In a second, you’re like a cat rubbing your cheek against Cheese Doodle’s fur. “Smells good, Markie. Thank you.”

”Of course, baby. Feeling tiny?” He asks only now that he’s 95% sure you are.

”Little bit,” you admit into your mug, slurping quietly to not burn yourself.

”Aw.” He pouts. “That’s good. You know, Markie missed you, baby. I haven’t held my baby in such a long time.”

”Missed Markie too.” You blink at him with sleepy eyes and a milk mustache. “Lot.”

”Wanna cuddle for a little then?”

”Just for a lil' bit.” You nod, placing your angel milk on the bedside table.

Mark knows the mug will be forgotten by the morning but he'd rather make and waste a million angel milks than for you to forget him and Cheese Doodle again.

huang renjun ૮ ˙Ⱉ˙ ა wc 594

“Oh that’s a nice painting, Jun,” you praise, resting your chin on his shoulder as he sits on a stool. “Very pretty.”

“I feel like it’s missing something, though,” he says with a frown. “Here. You paint something.”

“On your canvas?” You look at him. “No way, love. I’ll ruin it.”

“You won’t. Now take the brush.”

“I won’t.” You step back and cross your arms. “I’m not gonna mess up this painting you’ve been working so hard on with my clumsiness.”

“What are you talking about? You always add something to my paintings.” Renjun gives you a look. The look that makes you want to roll your eyes.

“And they’re always so much better before me.”

“You don’t think that.”

“I do.”

“Why are you talking about yourself in this way all of a sudden?”

“Because it’s true!” You explode. There’s a burning in the backs of your eyes as you keep talking. “All I’ve been doing lately is messing up stuff for other people. I’m no good, Renjun.”

“…”

“My boss thinks it, my team members think it. I know you think it too!” You sob.

“Darling-”

“Stop it, Jun.”

“Darling,” he repeats, taking your hand in his. “come here.”

He pulls you in with one hand and wipes your tears with another, so careful he almost makes you think you are glass.

“What’s in that green binder in the bookshelf over there?” he asks.

“What?” You furrow your brows. “I don’t know.”

“Go check.”

You give him a look but make your way to the oak bookshelf; filled with sketchbooks, novels, and a singular green binder. You look at Renjun when your fingers touch the spine and take it out only after he nods. Your knees wobble as you flip through the pages so you let your bottom hit the floor.

In the binder are the handwritten notes from back before the two of you even started dating; flirtatious exchanges recorded on coffee shop napkins, gum wrappers, and ripped-up bits of college notes. The next stage of your relationship is at the flip of a page; rushed post-it notes of domestic living with 'I love you!'s and 'Don't forget to eat!'s kept safe in the plastic sheets.

You look up at him with surprise but he only nods his head for you to keep flipping pages. You flip through empty slips until you almost reach the back cover and find all the drawings you’ve made for Renjun over the years while in regression. Each and every one. Even the ones where you're mad at him and have him eaten by monsters.

“You kept them…” You pass a finger over a drawing you made of the two of you, your stickmen-selves holding hands and smiling in a rocket ship.

“Of course I did, baby. How could I throw away something so perfect?” You hear his voice next to you, having gotten up from his seat to crouch next to you on the floor. He gently pulls your head into his chest and his lips drop to kiss the top of your head. “I don’t think you mess up things, my love. Ever. You simply change their direction. My Lovebug is the most creative, innovative person in the whole wide world, didn’t you know?”

“Junnie…” You sob, the dam of pent-up emotions finally seeking release.

“Hi there, babybug.” He whispers. “I’m right here, lovey. Right here. Let it all out.”

lee jeno ૮ .◜◡◝ა wc 655

“Babe, the ice is melting and your coke is turning into gross, brown, sweet-tasting water,” Jeno warns.

“One second, baby. I just need to finish this assignment real quick,” you mutter with your bottom lip bit in place.

It seems you’re still in the same clothes from three days ago, the same amount of time Jeno’s seen you stay in bed studying. He’s beginning to think your butt might be attached permanently to the mattress at this point. When it comes to your bedside table, your 5-hour energy from lunchtime being the latest addition to the food trash and empty water bottle pile doesn’t fill him with any more positive thoughts.

“When’s it for?” He sighs. “Your assignment.”

“…what?” You turn your head to him but your eyes stay on the screen. “Oh, um, Friday.”

“It’s Monday. Come on.” Jeno pulls at your arm like a spoiled child. “I’m not even making you shower or anything. I just wanna hang out with my hermit, stinky, computer nerd. Will you grant me my wish please?”

You look up with a half-offended, half-amused expression and your jaw dropped.

“I’m not stinky!” You fail to shake off your arm from his hold. “I told you I’m coming! I just really need to finish this.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Ye- ah!” You squeal as Jeno pulls at your arm, throwing you over his shoulder. “Jeno! I’m serious!”

“I’m serious too. Monday to Friday is five days-”

“Four days!”

“-and that’s more than enough time to finish your assignment.” He refuses to acknowledge your interruption. “You are going to eat a proper dinner with me on the couch as we watch TV and you’re gonna like it, you got that?”

“Augh…!” You groan, going limp on him.

“Oh, I know.” Jeno pouts as he sets you on the couch, covering you in your train-print fleece blanket. “I’m so mean, aren’t I? Asking you to take a break when all you wanna do is work, work, work.”

You just stare at him, squinting your eyes as you fail to hide a smile.

“Well unfortunately for you, gumdrop, babies don’t work! So I’m afraid I can’t let you do that. The police will come after me if I do. Child labor laws or something like that.”

He leaves a quick kiss on your forehead right before speeding to the kitchen. Jeno’s eyebrows wiggle in a wave when he returns with your food; apple slices, chicken nuggets, and fries all in their respective spots in your divided plate.

The original pasta and movie date night plan being scrapped for a Nono-Gumdrop night doesn’t phase Jeno. In fact, it excites him. Your projects and exams and assignments and professors... he tries so hard not to hold resentment against them all as they pull his baby away from him. But tonight? Tonight is different, and for once in his life, caregiver Jeno is triumphant.

“Thank you…” Your fingers wrap around the blue silicone and Jeno engulfs you in a bear hug when he sits down. Tight but not so tight it obstructs your arms when eating. “What are we watching, Nono?”

“Max and Ruby.” He smiles when you gasp.

“Love Max and Ruby!” You gush with a mouthful of apples.

“Do you?” Jeno drops his head to the side. “You do? You do? Nuh-uh. I do. It’s my favorite show in the whole wide world.”

“Well, ’s my favorite show in the whole galaxy!”

“Yeah? Well-”

You squeal, feeling ticklish when he nuzzles his stubble on your face.

“Nono, stop!” You giggle.

“Eat up, gumdrop.” He sighs, the feeling of his baby in his arms and eating a proper meal for the first time in days is an incomparable joy. “Two episodes and then it’s bathtime.”

“Ah, boo, Nono!” you whine but it turns back to giggles when he compresses you in his arms.

lee donghyuck ʕ˙Ⱉ˙‧:ʔ wc 994

“You there, Angel?”

You shake your head.

It feels strange, like your body isn’t yours, as you hold on tight to your dolls in your hands and see none of the lively sparkle in their eyes you usually do when you’re small.

“I’m broken, Hyuck,” you say with such a lack of emotions that you can’t tell if it’s actually you who is speaking. “I did everything right. I got dressed, I put on the music box, I’m trying to play for God’s sake. And nothing is working still. I feel ridiculous. A grown adult trying to act like a child.” You scoff.

“Hey, stop.” Donghyuck’s firm tone sends a shiver down your spine and you pull away. His shoulders drop when he notices; you’re scared and he’s only making it worse.

“That’s my baby you’re talking about, you know?” He tries again, with a softer tone this time. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You are not broken.” He holds your cheek.

“I’m just so tired, Hyuck.” Tears come up and blur your vision. “Everything has been going on for so long at the exact same time and I just- I can’t anymore. I need to just step away from reality for a little bit but I can’t even do that. My brain is just locking me in here in this state of suffering for who knows how long and I have no way of getting out. Not even for an hour.” You sob.

“I know, lovely.” He wraps his arms around you, letting you in turn wrap your arms around his legs from your seat on the floor. “It’s been so much for so long. You deserve a little break. Take a deep breath. Let’s try to let go of all these grownup worries, okay? We can pick them back up later. Come on, Angel, breathe.”

Angel.

Channie called you Angel and you still don’t feel small. The realization makes for more tears to come up but you refuse to let another defeated cry leave you. The denim of his jeans is rough on your face but not rough enough to make you stop using it as a tissue for your tears.

“…okay,” you creak out. “Breathe in. Breathing in…”

“There we go.” Haechan passes a hand over your head, the sensation soothing you somewhat. “And out. one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Good job, Angel. Nice long deep breaths.”

You repeat the action several times, following his counts and pushing yourself to feel his jeans under your fingertips and smell the woodsy notes of his cologne to ground yourself.

“Everything sucks,” you say after some moments of silence. “Everything sucks. I didn’t even ask for any of this. I just want to be small,” your voice breaks.

“And you will be.” Donghyuck’s touch is gentle, encouraging you without words to look up at him. The pad of his thumb is warm when it wipes the tears from your face, brushing against your damp lashes. “You will be. I promise.”

“I don’t know what to do, Hyuck. I’m all out of ideas at this point,” you admit.

“How about just trying to feel not sucky?” He scrunches his nose, the most tender of smiles painted on his face. “How about… just drawing a picture? Just one. Doesn’t have to be with crayon or marker like when you’re feeling tiny. It can be whatever you want it to be. Don’t think about being small, just about drawing.”

“…draw what?”

“Hm… what about your dolls?”

When you unwrap yourself from his legs to look at said dolls, it gives Donghyuck the chance to go grab your art supplies. Your dolls don’t have that lively aura you see them with when you’re small but you can almost feel a sort of pity and empathy from them. It reminds you of the type of support your friends give you in their messages despite the country lines separating you.

“And I’ll draw… a car. Jeno’s been getting me into Formula One.” Donghyuck pulls you out of your thoughts when his voice is so close it makes you turn to see he’s taken a seat next to you on the floor. He opens a pencil case right in front of you two and takes a black pencil for himself to begin sketching on some paper.

“Really?” You opt a red pencil.

“Yeah. It’s pretty interesting.” He shrugs.

“But ’s so boring.” You sniffle up some snot from your lightning-fast crying session. You didn’t even cry for that long, how come you can feel your eyes swelling? So annoying. “They just go around in circles.”

“It’s not just that though. There’s—pass me the red? Oh, you have it. No, it’s okay. I can wait—there’s like a ton of beef between them. I like watching the interviews and stuff. It’s like watching basketball or football.” Haechan lets out a groan as he lays on his stomach, resting a cheek on his fist. “That’s really pretty, baby.”

“Y’like it?” You move to mirror him, turning your drawing for him to see better. “Think I’m gonna add some other stuff too.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know yet,” you admit. “Probably you. I always like drawing you. And then… your red car. You can take me and the dollies on a road trip. I like it when we have fun together.”

Affection floods out of Donghyuck, letting out an adoring ‘aw’ as he hugs you, leaving kisses on all the spots he knows won’t lead to a tickle fight.

“So cute! I always have fun with you. My Angel...” he hums into your temple.

“My Channie…” you mutter under your breath, sketching his head four times bigger than the rest.

na jaemin ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ wc 664

“I’m okay.” You rub your nose. “Just a couple sneezes, Jaem. It’s not a big deal. I can keep studying for a little while longer.”

“You sneezed four times in a row.” Jaemin stands next to your desk chair with his arms crossed. “Do you know what that means?”

“What?” You sigh, knowing he won’t leave until you entertain him.

“You have the plague.”

“The what?”

“The plague.”

“Baby, I don’t have the-” Achoo! “the-” Achoo! “the plague…”

You move your mouse around your screen and click away at it but it doesn’t hide the reflection of Jaemin’s intense stare into your skull. He’s not amused. You spin your chair around.

“I don’t have the plague,” you repeat with a clogged nose, not even convincing yourself this time. “…I just have a little cold.”

“I wonder where you could have gotten that from, hm?” He turns you toward him by the chair’s arms and traps you by holding onto both of them and leaning in until your foreheads almost touch. “Maybe from studying a little too much? From stretching yourself too thin? Pushing yourself past your limits? Hm? Hm? hm?” He turns his head at an angle with each question, being obnoxious about his accurate statements.

“Five minutes.”

“No.”

“I just need to email this professor.”

“No.”

“I have a group project.”

“Good thing you have groupmates, huh? Come on, get off your pretty little butt.” He grabs you from under the armpits, placing your feet on the ground as if you were merely a bag of rice. “We’re playing hospital.”

“No…” you whine with dragging feet the whole time Jaemin guides you to the kitchen, his gentlemanly hand giving you no chance to run as it rests on the small of your back.

“Yes…” He pouts at you as he fills up the syringe with orange medicinal syrup. “Babies need be good and take their medicine when they are sick, okay?”

“Jaemin-” You pull your head the other way, holding his wrist away from you.

“Baby…” he sings, dodging your attempts. “Say ‘ah’, pumpkin.”

Pressing your lips tight doesn’t do anything, the plastic tip of the syringe still slipping in and filling your mouth with bitter medicine that makes a lame attempt at orange flavoring. You shake your head, still rejecting the cold syrup as it goes down, but it does regardless, chilling your throat when it does.

“Bleh!”

“Drink some water, baby.” Jaemin holds up a cup (when did he fill that up?) and you take it as if it were the key to eternal life.

“Taste so icky,” you say with your face scrunched up like a raisin. “Hate it!”

You’re sick and suffering from forced consumption of medicine. Jaemin knows this. Jaemin shouldn’t smile. But he just can’t help it! His baby is finally back after such a long, long time. he thought he was gonna die from BWS (Baby Withdrawal Symptoms).

“Aw…” His hands reach out to hold your face and squish your cheeks together. “Baby doesn’t like medicine? Babies don’t like yucky bitter things. Babies like… sweet yummy things! How about some hot chocolate, lovey-dovey?”

“Chocwate?” you ask with raised eyebrows.

“Hot chocwate.” His nose scrunches as he pinches your cheeks. “Does that sound good?”

“Yeah!” You hop free of his crab claws. “Hot chocolate! Wanna, wanna, wanna!”

“Be careful, sugarplum!” Jaemin laughs, twirling you with such ease it feels as if you were in a dance. “Why don’t you go put something on the TV while I make us the chocolate? Whatever you want, baby,” he says, but you’re already out of the kitchen and looking under blankets and cushions for the remote.

“Spongebob!” You hold it up to the ceiling like it were the sword in the stone.

“Except Spongebob. You know that shrinks your brain.”

“Aw!” You slump but quickly straighten up like a ruler. “Ah- Ah- Achoo!”

zhong chenle (ᯟ︿ᯏ) wc 622

“I’m so proud of you.” Chenle pecks your head as you hold his waist from behind. The smells coming from the stove you two stand in front of are nothing if not heavenly. “Pretty, funny, kind, graduated. How’d I bag you?”

“Mmm, I dunno.” You shrug smugly, as you look out the window. A content sigh leaves you as your eyes follow the raindrops that slide down your window. “Must’ve done something good in your past life.”

“Must have,” he hums. “Set the table for me? I’m basically almost done.”

“You got it.” You peck his cheek. “Smells delicious. Jaemin give you cooking lessons while I was gone?”

“I’ll have you know I’m a great cook. I don’t need any cooking lessons. Never have.”

“Ah…” You roll out the placemats with a sarcastic nod.

“But if I did, I would go to Donghyuck.”

“If you did, I would approve. His soups are good.”

“Mine are better.”

“…”

“Right?”

“Sure.”

The music playing from the speakers and lights in the apartment all shut off at once, not even the hum of the refrigerator sounding in the silence, the darkness. The thunder is so close it feels like footsteps. Heavy, angry footsteps coming close. Closer and closer to you.

The power comes back as soon as it left but you can’t seem to recover as fast. You don’t even remember dropping down to hold your knees, and in the dark you didn’t see how many tears came up to overflow from your eyes. Chenle calls out your name but it sounds so distant it doesn’t even register. It feels like you’re running out of oxygen like a deep sea diver falling hopelessly down to the ocean floor.

“Hey,” you take a sharp inhale at Chenle’s warm hands holding your cheeks ground you back to reality. “Hey, the power went out. Everything’s fine. You’re okay. You’re home, you’re with me. Nothing is gonna hurt you here, you hear me? You are safe.”

You almost knock Chenle over from his crouching position when you throw yourself on him, but he reads your body language just in time to catch you. His lips press into your hair, your temples, your shoulders, the softest of touches as you wail into his shirt. His heart breaks at how fragile you seem in the moment, like a porcelain doll with a chip. You sob and babble to the point that Chenle can’t understand what you’re saying. All he can catch is one word.

“Daddy…”

There’s nothing for you to do but cry, Chenle’s learned with time, so he lets you do just that. He lets you cry in his arms there on the floor and when you’re finally willing he attaches you to his hip as he walks around. He wipes your tears with a paper towel and makes sure you get a bottle of water to drink from to rehydrate.

His eyebrows furrow when you turn your head to dodge his spoon, rejecting the meal you were so looking forward to less than twenty minutes ago. This meal which was meant to be a celebration of not just the end of your education but of all your life up to this point. Of your growth, your endurance; of all the stress you put yourself through to come out victorious in the end.

You’re still victorious, he thinks. Even now as you fill up the apartment with tears, he’s so proud of you. His partner, his baby, the strongest person he’s ever met.

“Come on, dollface. Just one spoonful, yeah? Need you to eat,” he tries again.

park jisung (∩˃o˂∩) wc 668

“What’s that giant box?”

“What giant box?” He looks at you on the couch. “...I thought you were napping.”

“I woke up. What’s with that giant box you’re pushing into our house?”

“Oh, this?” Jisung looks down. “It's… a box.”

You blink, irritation in your tight-lipped smile at your boyfriend’s lack of cooperation.

“I know it’s a box, Ji. I'm asking what’s inside the box?”

“Box… stuff…”

“Jisung!”

“That’s not my name!” He whines as he shuts the front door. “My name to you is Ji! Or Baby! Not Jisung! It’s so scary when you call me that...” He sighs. “It was supposed to come before you started your vacation time, while you were at work.”

“Why?” Your eyebrows come together into a questioning frown.

“Because- just- you’ll see soon. Pass me the scissors? Thanks.” He pecks your lips, taking the scissors from your hands and pushing your back away with little force. “Now go. Get! Your surprise will be ready in a minute. Go… brush your dolls’ hair or something. It’ll be super quick.”

“Doll hairs? is it a Little gift?”

“Shoot.” Jisung bites his fist. “...can you just go in the bedroom already? It’s not a Little gift. It’s not.”

The instructions that came in the box of the not-Little gift said construction would only take thirty minutes. Not to fear, with super handyman Park Jisung to the rescue it only took three hours and two people.

“We’re done!” You clap, looking in awe at your brand new play kitchen, pink and wooden and creaky and yours. “Jiji, finish!”

“Yeah.” He sits back on the floor, wiping the sweat from his brow. “We’re finished. D’you like it?”

“It’s so pretty, jiji!” You beam, hugging his head and squeezing the brains out of him.

“I’m glad you like it, bub.” He nods at his work in approval. “You deserve it. Worked so hard recently.”

“Thankie!” You get up quickly, running barefoot into the bedroom to come back with a box of play food in all colors and sizes.

“Make you a lenonade, bubby!” You begin adding ice to a cup and add a lemon to it. “Ice cold lenonade.”

“Oh, I love your lenonade. Thanks, baby.” He takes the cup, making gulping noises and finishing it off with a loud and satisfied ‘ah!’. “Actually, are we playing restaurant right now?”

“Um… yeah!” you decide. “Welcome to my rest’rant! What would you like to order?”

“I would kill for a good burger.” Jisung pats his stomach like a starved man. “I hear you guys have some good ones, is that true?”

“The truest!” You smile. “One burger, comin’ up!”

You turn back to your kitchen and hum to yourself as you place a burger patty on the stove.

“No pans for that?”

“No pans!” You shake your head. “Special burger.”

“Ah, must be.” He mutters behind you.

When it comes to building time, Jisung acts like a to-be-blacklisted customer.

“Could I have no onions in my burger? I’m allergic.”

“No, you’re not.”

“It’s just play pretend, honey.”

“Oh. Then, yes you can, sir! No onions.”

“And no tomatoes please. I don’t like how the seeds get stuck between my teeth.”

“No tomatoes!”

“And could you cut the cheese? It kind of sends me to the bathroom.”

“Ew… okay, no cheese, either!” You toss the slice of play cheese to the side.

“…could you also remove the meat? I’m vegetarian.”

That’s the final straw. No meat? You look down at his ‘burger’: bread, lettuce, bread.

“This is what you want?” You turn to show him his order.

“Oh yes.” He smiles, clasping his hands together in anticipation. “That’s my burger! So tasty. Thank you, shop owner.”

“You’re welcome…” You give him a look. “Ketchup?”

“No thanks.”

“Mayo?”

“Bleh! Pass.”

“…barbeque sauce?”

“Oh, that’s my favorite! Lettuce and barbeque sauce burger, my favorite.” He licks his lips.

“Jiji, ew!” you whine.

tag list ( ask / comment to join ! ) @mystarsohee @cupofwyn @iwontlettheselittlethingsslip @aeriaeri

[bloody-peach]

Penny for Your Sins: A BNHA League Of Villains x F!Reader series - Shigaraki

~~~♡♡♡~~~

Goodie Bag: bondage, groping, vaginal fingering, drugging (aphrodisiac), nipple teasing, oral sex (m receiving), dom Shiggy, dirty talk, masturbation, vaginal sex, creampie, hair tugging, deepthroating, cum swallowing, he has his thumb on your tongue at one point, corruption [let me know if i miss anything!]

Now Playing: Closer by Nine Inch Nails, Lesser Key by Pale Horse, Eat Me Drink Me by Marilyn Manson,

Chapters (not in any order, except intro/outro):

START: Intro

• Shigaraki (you are here)

• Dabi

• Twice

• Mr. Compress

• Spinner

• Toga

END: Outro

A/N: No notes. Just enjoy!

~~~♡♡♡~~~

You looked at the calendar and saw it had been a few weeks since you got the ‘job’ of being the League of Villains’ stress reliever. Luckily, you’ve been following everyone’s orders when made and been doing a good job comforting everyone. You wondered when you’d meet their leader...

One night, you were in bed reading a book when you heard something rustling. You walked over and saw that someone slipped an envelope under the door. You got up and walked over to the door, bent down and grabbed the envelope, opening it. Inside was a single tea bag and a note. 'Drink me,' the note read. You smelled the tea bag and could smell peppermint and lavender. It smelled so good, you immediately got your hot water dispenser out and prepared the tea. Once the tea was finished brewing, you got a cup and poured some inside. You took a sip and smiled, loving the taste. You walked back to bed and got back to reading, sipping the tea occasionally. Not long after you finished your drink, you noticed that something was off... Tea wasn’t supposed to make you this relaxed and dizzy, was it? The words on the page were starting to swirl and warp as you tried to keep reading, but the effects were too strong. You wondered if someone spiked the tea bag before you fell back on the bed, blacking out.

You start to wake up, your body still feeling relaxed and warm, but you could feel you weren’t in your bed anymore. You felt your arms held up in the air, something cold and hard wrapping around your wrists, and your feet barely touching the floor. You opened your eyes and you saw you were chained by your wrists, dangling from the ceiling. You looked at yourself and noticed you only had your panties and bra on. “W..what...what’s going on..?” you asked, your speech slightly slurred. You saw something from the corner of your eye and turned your head. There was someone sitting in an armchair, hidden in the shadows. You heard them chuckle as they stood up and came out from the shade. It was a man, with white hair and piercing red eyes. You noticed he was much taller than you and he had a fit, muscular body, your blush growing as you look at him. He smirked, enjoying your gaze. “My, my.. You’re a real pretty thing, aren’t you?” he finally said, his voice a bit raspy.

“Who are you...?” you asked. He smiled and responded as he walked to stand in front of you, “Who am I? I’m Shigaraki Tomura, I’m in charge of the League. And you are our new plaything.” He bent forward, his face close to yours as he said, “Consider yourself lucky you caught our attention.” You were still a bit woozy from the tea, but you asked, “W..Why me?” He gently grabbed your jaw with his hand and he said in a voice laced with desire, “Why you? Oh, it’s quite simple. You see, I have a love for chaos and destruction, and what better way to indulge myself then by taking someone like you captive? Destroying your world by ripping you out of it was a great pleasure. Sure, the League needs some way to vent our frustrations, but...I’ve been craving something more... Oh yes, especially from you... Your beauty, your vulnerability, your surrender...It’s an exhilirating combination that I long for..” He let go of your jaw and he said as he walked behind you, “But don’t you worry.. I have no plan to harm you, and I won’t let anyone else do so.” He gently gripped your sides and leaned into your neck, his hot breath brushing along your skin, making you blush and gasp softly due to your body’s sensitivity. “Besides...I think you’ll enjoy yourself here...You’d be surprised what can be found in places like this.”

You gulped, unsure how to feel exactly, but there was one thing you knew. “Well....if I’m gonna be staying here for a while...I should tell you my name...My name is Y/N.” “Y/N... What a lovely name. Fits you perfectly.” His hands then slid up to your covered breasts, his hands groping each one, the size of his hands engulfing them. “Now, Y/N, let’s have a little fun, shall we? After all, you’re here to entertain me tonight..” He started to massage your breasts as his body pressed against your back. You could feel something hard pressing against your ass, making your body grow warmer. He kissed your neck and shoulder, the sensation causing shivers down your spine. Your head was still swimming, and everything Tomura was doing felt so good...

He leaned to your ear and whispered, “Tell me, Y/N... Do you enjoy pain..? Does the idea of me leaving marks on you make you tremble..?” “N..No...I’m..not a fan of pain...I..If I could choose between pleasure and pain...I..I’d choose pleasure..” You heard him chuckle then respond, “Is that so..? Then you’ll receive that in abundance..” He undid your bra then let the garment fall to the floor. Once that was off, he put one hand back on your breast, teasing your nipple as he massaged it. The sensation made you gasp softly, which made Tomura smile deviously. His other hand slid down your side and teased the band of your panties. “Now tell me this, Y/N...Have you ever been touched intimately before..?” “Well...not in this position, at least..” His lips trailed your neck again as he said softly, “Well, Y/N, this is your lucky day. I’m going to show you how pleasurable it is when my hands explore your body..Would you like that, Y/N?” His offer was so tempting, you only had one answer. “Yes...” He smiled, saying, “Good girl. Just relax and let me take care of everything..”

He then slowly trailed his fingers under your panties and down to your pussy. He started to gently caress your clit as he kissed and licked your neck. The pleasure was like a firework shooting through your body, causing you to moan and making you crave more. Tomura whispered, “Does that feel good, Y/N?” As you moaned, you said, “Y..Yeah...” “That’s it, Y/N. Embrace the feeling..let yourself be consumed by it.” He started to pinch and tug at your nipple as he kept rubbing your pussy. Thanks to the effects of the tea, you couldn’t really resist anything he was doing, and in all honesty, you didn’t want to. It all just felt too good... Tomura noticed your surrender and smiled as he whispered in your ear, his voice dripping with lust, “I want to hear you moan more for me, Y/N..Let the pleasure escape your lips..” With that, he slowly slid a finger inside you and started to pump at a slow yet steady pace. The pleasure was too much, and you started to moan louder. Soon, you wanted more pleasure, so you started to gently buck your hips. Tomura let out a deep chuckle from his throat and said, “Oh, eager, aren’t you? Such a keen and responsive little plaything you are, Y/N...” You found your head turned, facing Tomura. Your lips were so close to his and you wanted to kiss him so bad, it was almost torture. You couldn’t take it anymore and you leaned your head a bit forward and kissed him.

It was a surprise to Tomura, but he quickly kissed you back. He savored the taste of your desire on his lips, his touch becoming rougher in response to the growing intensity between you. The sounds of your moans mixed with this own, building and consuming you both. Breaking the kiss momentarily, he whispered huskily against your lips, “You’re a bold one, Y/N. But be careful...I can’t promise to be gentle with you.” With that, he kissed you again and slid two more fingers inside you, making your eyes turn wide as he curled his fingers inside you, his movements becoming rougher and more demanding, pushing you closer to the edge. It’s not too long before you cum hard, moaning in his mouth. Tomura groaned into the kiss, feeling your climax wash over you through his fingers. He eagerly swallowed your moans, grinning to himself as he does. As your release subsided, he pulled away from the kiss, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. His fingers still buried inside you, he continued to gently move them, prolonging the pleasure as he watched you recover from your intense orgasm. “Doesn't that feel good, Y/N?” he murmured, his voice filled with seduction. “But we’re far from done here. I have so much more in store for you.”

He pulled his fingers out of you and licked up the juices dripping from them, savoring the taste of you. With a wicked glimmer in his eyes, he leaned in to capture your lips once again. You could taste yourself in the kiss, the sweetness coating your tongue. You watch as he removed his clothes, then he undid your chain, making you fall to the ground. He picked you up so you were on your knees. You see his hard and throbbing cock in front of you, already starting to drip pre-cum down the shaft. You could feel your mouth water as you kept staring at it, feeling your inner core tighten as you wondered how it’d feel stuffed inside your holes. You looked up at him, wordlessly asking for permission to please him. Tomura’s eyes darkened with raw desire as he saw your hunger. He reached out, his fingers running through your hair as he pets your head, his touch possessive and commanding. “You want me, don’t you, Y/N?” he asked, his voice husky with anticipation. “I can see it in your eyes. Go ahead.” His hand tightened in your hair, applying enough pressure to assert his dominance. You may have been pleasuring him, but he was still in control. With a firm grip, he guided your head closer to his hardened cock, wordlessly granting your unspoken request. “Now, show me just how good you can be.”

You gently held his cock and you started to lick up the shaft and swirled your tongue around the head, moaning as you did. Soon, you let it slide into your mouth and you started to suck on it as you bobbed your head. Tomura grunted in pleasure as you took his cock in your mouth, the wet warmth sending waves of pleasure through his body. He watched you with a predatory gaze, relishing in the sight of your lips wrapped around him. “Such a good little cock-sucker, Y/N,” he groaned, his voice filled with desire. His hand remained firmly gripping your hair, guiding your movements as you bobbed your head, taking more of him into your mouth. As you continued to suck and tease him, Tomura couldn’t help but let out a series of low moans, the pleasure building steadily. His hips involuntarily bucked, seeking more contact with the wet heat between your lips. “Deeper,” he growled, his grip on your hair tightening. “Take all of it, Y/N. Show me how much you crave it.”

You did as he said and took more of his cock deeper into your mouth. Eventually, you were able to take his entire length and suck on it, letting your tongue rub against any sensitive spots. Tomura hissed in pleasure, feeling the tightness of your throat as you took his entire length. He watched you with a mix of admiration and dominance, his grip on your hair guiding your movements. “That’s it, Y/N,” he groaned. “You’re doing such a good job. Keep sucking, don’t stop.” He bucked his hips gently, setting a rhythm that matched the movements of your mouth. Your tongue worked wonders against his sensitive flesh, adding to the overwhelming pleasure. With every suck and every flick of your tongue, Tomura’s moans grew louder, his body tensing with the growing desire for release. He could feel himself reaching his edge, his breathing becoming ragged. “Keep going, Y/N,” he gasped, his voice strained. “I’m close...Do you want me to cum in your mouth? Show me how badly you want it.”

You put your hand on the back of his thigh to keep his cock in your mouth and you gently fondled his balls, encouraging them to let him cum in your mouth. Tomura’s breath hitched as he felt that, adding an extra layer of stimulation to his throbbing cock. The pressure and the pleasure building within him intensified, and he could feel his orgasm approaching rapidly. His grip on your hair tightened further as he looked down at you with a fierce desire, his eyes burning with intensity. “Yes, Y/N,” he growled. “Drain me. Take every drop.” With a final thrust of his hips, Tomura couldn’t hold back any longer. A gutteral moan escaped his lips as he released his hot cum into your mouth. He watched intently as you took every drop, savoring the sight of your submission and the pleasure you brought him. “You certainly know how to please, Y/N,” he said, his voice filled with lust. “But this is only the beginning. There’s so much more I have planned for us.”

As his orgasm subsided, he gently pulled you away, a satisfied smirk on his lips. When he pulled out of your mouth, you licked up every visible drop of his cum, even going so far as to lick up the drops that fell onto the hard floor. Tomura watched with a mixture of fascination and lust as you obediently licked up every visible drop of his cum. The intensity of your submission and addiction thrilled him, fueling his desire for further exploration. “You’re quite the eager little slut, aren’t you, Y/N?” he said, his voice filled with a dark amusement. “But there’s no need to waste a drop. You’re so devoted, so desperate for my pleasure.” His words, laced with dominance, sent a shiver down your spine as his hand gently cupped your cheek. His thumb brushed against your lips, coated with the remnants of his release. He pushed his thumb inside, pressing it onto your tongue, to see your reaction. When you start to pant and gently massage his thumb with your tongue, he smirked devilishly. Tomura knelt down and leaned in, his eyes dark with desire as he observed the remnants of his release still lingering on your tongue. A low chuckle rumbled in his chest as he felt the wet warmth of your tongue sliding along his thumb. He held it there for a moment, savoring the sensation before slowly pulling it out, a predatory glint in his eyes. “You’re so obedient, Y/N,” he murmured, his voice thick with satisfaction. “Such a good little pet. I think we’re going to enjoy each other’s company very much.”

He leaned in to you, his mouth close to your ear. “Now, Y/N, I want you to touch yourself for me. Show me how much pleasure you can endure,” he whispered, his voice dripping with promises of even more intense experiences to come. He stood up, his gaze locked onto yours, filled with anticipation. You nodded and you sat on the floor. You started to rub your pussy, his gaze never leaving you. You moaned as you rubbed your clit and slid your fingers inside you. You pumped your fingers inside you at a steady pace as your hips matched the tempo of your fingers. Tomura’s eyes were fixated on your intimate display, a hunger evident in his gaze. He leaned back against the wall, his cock fully erect again and throbbing with arousal. The sight of you pleasuring yourself ignited a primal desire within him. He watched intently as your fingers expertly worked your pussy, your moans filling the room. The sound of your pleasure only fueled his own, and he couldn’t resist the urge to stroke his cock in response. “All those lovely sounds you make, Y/N,” he said, his voice filled with a dark desire. “You’re a sight to behold, giving in to your own desires. But remember, the true pleasure comes from me.”

He stroked his cock with long, slow motions, matching the rhythm of your hand. The anticipation of joining you, of bringing you to even greater heights of pleasure, pulsed through his veins. “Keep going, my little whore,” he murmured. “Bring yourself to the edge. I want to see you unravel, to hear you scream my name.” You moaned and slid more fingers inside, watching Tomura jack off making you even more aroused. You couldn’t help but moan out, “Ahh..yes... Ohh...Tomura... Please... I.. I need you so bad... I need you to fuck me.. Tomura, please fuck me as much as you want... I don’t care... I..I want you to fill me with your cum... Please..!” Tomura’s eyes glinted with a mixture of satisfaction and hunger as he heard your desperate pleas. The intensity of your desire matched his own, driving him to fulfill your carnal cravings. Without hesitation, he closed the distance between you in a swift motion, kneeling on the floor in front of you. His hands firmly grasped your hips, pulling you closer to him. The head of his cock pressed against your entrance, teasingly rubbing your wet folds. He leaned in close, his lips grazing your ear as he whispered in a low, seductive tone, “Oh, Y/N, you’re so eager, so ready to be filled. I’ll give you what you want, but remember, I’ll take you as roughly as I please.”

With a powerful thrust, he impaled you on his cock, filling you completely. The sensation of his hardness inside you sent electric shocks of pleasure through your body. His grip tightened on your hips as he began to move, setting a relentless pace. With every thrust, Tomura’s groans mingled with yours, creating a symphony of raw desire. His hips met yours with an unyielding force, the sound of skin slapping against skin and the orchestra of your moans filling the room. He provided the pleasure you craved, taking you to new heights of ecstasy. “Goddamn, Y/N,” he grunted, his voice strained as he bit his lower lip. “You’re so tight, so fucking wet. We’re just getting started. I'm going to take you over and over, until you can’t even think straight.” You moaned loud and threw your head back in pleasure. Oh god, it felt so much better than you could’ve ever imagined. A smile grew on your face as the pleasure surged through your body. “Ahh..! Yes..! Use me..! Break me..!”

Tomura’s eyes burned with a primal hunger as he watched you surrender to the pleasure coursing through you. He could feel the raw intensity of your desire, matching his own in ferocity. He gripped your hips tightly, anchoring himself as he continued to thrust into you with unrelenting force. Each movement was filled with dominance, his cock delving within you, hitting every sensitive area. “You want to be used, Y/N?” he growled, his voice laced with the darkest satisfaction. “I’ll give you everything you crave. Every ounce of pleasure. Every moment of ecstasy. You’re mine to break, to ravish, to mark as mine.” As his pace quickened, the sound of your moans and the slap of skin echoed through the room, a symphony of desire. Tomura reveled in the power he held over you, the primal satisfaction that came from claiming you as his. “Let go, Y/N,” he urged, his voice strained and desperate. “Cum for me. Give in to the pleasure. Surrender yourself completely.”

It wasn’t too long until you were able to fulfill his wish, cumming hard on his cock and giving in to the pleasure, your mind swimming in the purest of bliss. Tomura’s eyes burned with satisfaction as he felt your walls clench around him, your release washing over you. The tightness and pulsing sensation intensified his own pleasure, pushing him closer to the edge. He continued to thrust into you, riding out your orgasm, the friction and heat between you both driving him towards his own climax. With a final, desperate thrust, he let out a primal groan as his own release tore through him, spilling his hot cum deep inside you. As he rode out the waves of pleasure, he looked into your eyes, his gaze filled with a mixture of possessiveness and satisfaction. He leaned in close, his voice a low rasp against your ear. “You’re mine now, Y/N,” he whispered, his voice filled with a possessive edge. “You belong to me. And I’ll keep using you, breaking you, until there’s nothing left.” With that final declaration, he pressed his lips against yours in a possessive kiss, claiming you as his own.

He lifted you into his arms and carried you to the bed, laying you in it before entering it himself, the room filled with the scent of sex and the sounds of your heavy breathing, as you both basked in the aftermath of your intense encounter. You had a look of pure bliss on your face as you laid there, unable to move. “Yes...I’m yours...I belong to you...” you softly said. Tomura’s dark satisfaction morphed into something softer as he observed the pleasured look on your face. ‘God, she’s so precious,’ he thought to himself. He held you close, his touch now gentle, his voice filled with a mix of tenderness and possessiveness. “Yes, Y/N,” he murmured, his voice a low rumble. “You belong to me, body and soul. I’ll protect you, I’ll ravish you, and I’ll cherish you in my own twisted way. You’re mine, and I’ll make sure you never forget it.” With those words, he gently caressed your cheek, his touch a stark contrast to the intensity of your recent encounter. The room remained cloaked in a hazy cloud of desire and peace as both of you savored the bond that had been formed, knowing that both pleasure and darkness awaited you in the future.

~~~♡♡♡~~~

[underdark-dreams]

Are you going to finish the Birds and the Bees fic anytime soon? 🥺

Hello anon!! 🖤 Thank you for expressing interest in that fic, first of all! I sat down to answer you and accidentally went off on a vent session tangent. But I have a few other asks about this, so I thought I should post anyway. 

I’m really sorry that I haven’t finished Birds & Bees yet! I promise I haven’t abandoned it. I still have a lot of chapter 3 drafted up, and I revisit it often. I didn’t expect this many people to subscribe or follow it, and as a result went into it 100% pantsing with zero outline. (Learn from my mistakes!!) Basically, something about the last chapter just feels off. I get this itchy feeling like I wrote myself into a corner. I’ve never felt this way while working on my other fics, and it’s shaken my confidence in my instincts quite a lot, which just makes things harder. (And yes this is a WILDLY over-dramatic way to talk about a smut fic)

Anyway…that’s kind of where I’m at with it, I suppose. I’m afraid I don’t have a timeline for when I’ll post the last chapter. I wish I did. Should I just publish what I have to get it out the door? I don’t know. I’ve considered it. But I also really don’t want to disappoint people or put out something I don’t like. It’s hard to figure out what to do, but I want to give myself a bit more time. I’m sorry that that’s the answer I came up with! I hope you understand! 🖤

On a related note...you guys. Christ almighty. Work has destroyed my health this year. My department has been short since June, I’m working overtime every week with zero support from management, I feel so so drained not just creatively but emotionally and mentally. I take insomnia meds for the first time in my life because the anxiety keeps waking me up. 🙁 I’m looking hard for a new position, but it’s very much an employer’s market in my part of the US right now. Opening rejection emails at the end of the day is just an extra dose of discouragement. Writing should be easy, but unfortunately everything feels hard right now. I don't know if that makes sense.

But that’s part of why I love coming on here and seeing all the BG3 fandom joy and creativity! I know I’m not posting as regularly right now, but I hope you know that I still browse every day and read all your fics and look at your art and love it all. This fandom remains a lasting source of happiness and inspiration for me, and that’s not going away any time soon!

[violetasteracademic]

I saw a reddit post a while back talking about how “obvious” gwynriel is, with hundreds of upvotes and everyone agreeing, saying that it’s exactly how SJM sets up her love interests, and it makes me feel like a crazy person.

I agree that SJM is obvious with her couples, but for me the only logical obvious answer is elriel. The entire time I was reading the series it couldn’t have been more obvious, and all my irl friends feel the same. We didn’t even know gwynriel was a thing. They barely interact in the books, and even then it’s only vaguely friendly and mostly one-sided. Then I get online and see all of these people who genuinely believe it’s gwynriel that’ll be endgame and I can’t understand how we’ve read the same books.

This is the only reason I question elriel at all; am I somehow missing something? What the hell are these people seeing that overshadows elriel’s foreshadowing? I just can’t see it from their point of view, no matter how many theories or analyzing I read from them. I almost wished I could so that this ship war wouldn’t be so frustrating, but I just can’t.

Sorry to throw this rant at you, your posts and explanations are just very comforting and you explain things so well. I read them whenever I’m worried to assure myself I’m not crazy :,)

Hi sweet anon!

I certainly don't think you are crazy or missing anything, and I'm glad to know that some of my posts have brought you comfort. That is my one and only goal.

I've been getting more and more messages like this in my inbox, and I've been struggling with how to answer them because I've learned that a lot of my thoughts don't really fit in with the fandom at large. I don't mind that other ships exist. I have real life G/wynriel and E/lucien friends that are very chill and wonderful and not knee deep in the online fandom and don't think horrific misogynistic things. I stay out of spaces where I'm bound to see something hurtful, and I scroll so fuckin fast when I see the Elriel community screenshotting and reblogging bad takes cause I *don't wanna see it.*

I'm just a girl, and while I'm honored that this little weirdo's opinion has become of some value in this little comfy cafe corner I'm trying to build here, I don't want to say the wrong thing and make people feel discredited and invalidated. I've learned that people really like being in the drama and venting and focusing on how badly the other side is behaving, which I don't really like, and it often leaves me at odds with my own "side" of the war. But since you are here in my asks, I'll share my thoughts. Please know I am saying this with all the tender love and care in my heart, but I say:

Just let them exist. You don't need to understand. You also don't need to let it worry you. None of us are in control of the ships that are sailing in this war. So for whatever it is worth, I want to encourage you to try to stay away from the spaces that make you feel upset, confused, hurt, or angry.

We are all honestly similar in ways that might be hard to admit. If we are here, deep into this fandom, we are probably connected in a number of ways. Maybe we're a little bit lonely (me), a little bit mentally ill (me), a little bit hyper-fixated (me). Maybe we are easily consumed and obsessed, and don't have anywhere for that energy to go in our real lives and so we live on in a chronic state of escape and disassociation (yep, me).

We are also an exceptionally small percentage of SJM's readership, and we take things as far as a fan could possibly take them. This is not how most readers are interacting with her work. So to see hundreds of upvotes on something, even thousands, yes- it seems like a lot. But it's not actually that much in terms of SJM's actual numbers. Anyone on reddit, tumblr, tiktok, ect, is looking for community and people who share their thoughts and likes and dislikes. I think this is often why a lot of non canon ships actually grow more popular than canon ships, because people are here looking for a road the written story will not take them down.

I don't think it's strange or offensive or unhinged that ships other than Azriel or Elain exist and are popular. I *do* think its a little odd that this fandom has taken the stance of proving non-canon things as canon instead of just enjoying crackships, but I can't honestly sit here and say my posts proving "canon" to try to comfort people who want the same fictional couple as me is not the exact same behavior. I think I'm right. They think they are right. There will come a day when Sarah lets us know what she has decided, and it's out of our hands. But the ships will live on.

I love so many non canon ships, and I engage with them here every day. This is what fandom is for. I think this fandom in particular would be a lot less toxic if we would just live and let live and leave each other be. I am gonna keep making theory posts and writing fanfic. They are gonna keep making theory posts and writing fanfic.

Take care of yourself. Rock the block button. Strangers on the internet do not get unfettered access to me or you or anyone else just because we are online. Set some boundaries for yourself. Lurk where you feel good.

I hope my page continues to be one of those places where you can lurk to feel better. And if that ever changes, block me. I encourage it deeply. I actually feel relieved when I can see that someone has blocked me, because I know they are taking care of themselves and also saved me the time and energy of trying to diffuse an argument.

I hear your frustrations. I know it sucks to want to go on reddit if that has been a fun and comforting space for you, and now it feels overrun and not safe and not fun. Grieve that. We obviously all care very deeply, and that's okay. It's nothing at all to be ashamed of.

But at some point, we are all gonna have to learn to live with each other, because no matter what happens in canon, the ships are not going anywhere.

Take care of yourself, anon. And I hope you continue to find comforting spaces to rest.

[mischiefmaker615]

To Better Use

Rating: R

Summary: Captured, you now find yourself doing anything to protect your comrades. 

You claw at Baron’s wrist as he keeps a firm hand over your mouth while his other holds tight to your wrist pinned behind your back. Your struggling lessened the more you were sure he would break your arm whenever he yanked upon feeling you jerk. Of course you made yourself feel better by telling yourself you merely held back during your capture, he was your friend after all.. was. ‘’she managed to find our location sir, but we’re sure her capture took place before she had the chance to send out a signal.’’ Clint reported as your eyes lift up and widen to find Loki turning towards the both of you with an unreadable look on his face. Or at least, for a moment before what you could read was triumph and hunger as his eyes scanned over your body. Your SHIELD uniform did a good job hugging your figure, something you wished wasn’t existent right now as your struggles began again when he stalked towards you. You had indeed kept the chase up on your own after headquarters sunk into the ground when Loki escaped, and without working equipment, couldn’t risk staying behind with the rest and lose sight of them. Of course, a million of different results popped up in your head on how you could have gone about this differently so you didn’t find yourself before Loki now being held tightly by the friend you used to know and work with. ‘’using your natural blue orbs to blend in with the rest was indeed intelligent on your part, but coming alone was the most foolish thing you could have done.’’ Loki chuckled and flashed his eyes at Barton who understood and uncovered your mouth by relocating his arm across your throat in a hold but didn’t choke you. Taking a deep breath once your airway worked properly again, you dug your nails into Clint’s arm while your eyes glared back at Loki. ‘’you didn’t look much like a threat so I decided to take my chances.’’ You replied with sarcasm dripping in your voice as he merely smirked and placed a finger under your chin, his thumb stroking your skin as he admired your eyes. ‘’Don’t test me Y/N, I can make your life a living hell if I want to.’’ Loki replied, his voice rather calm as his eyes scanned you once more as he seemed to be thinking before his eyes switched to Clint. ‘’take her to the chamber, I shall deal with her myself.’’ Your body tensed at his words but kept your expression almost unreadable as Loki gave you one last smirk before he moved past you to the other fellow agents following under his orders. Before you could question anything, Clint moved forward, pushing his legs and chest against you so it moved you forward with his grip never faltering under your harsh nails you were sure was making him bleed. Dragging you down a few halls and around a handful of corners, he finally released you after shoving you into an extremely small and dimly lit room; with the only thing accompanying the lamp, was a bed. Spinning on your heel to face him, Clint slammed the door shut behind him before you could even try to talk him out of.. whatever spell Loki had him under. This was bad, very bad.. Your eyes scanned for a door other than the one you just came from- a window, a vent perhaps? Nothing.. the only thing you did have currently was the fight to survive and a million things going through your head; first one being, why were you still alive or mind controlled.. Your thoughts didn’t have much time for answers before the door was opened to reveal Loki who wasted no time shutting it behind him and his body noticeably relaxed itself. Trying to take over the world had its stressful moments probably.. “I’m surprised you didn’t try the door darling.’’ Loki smirked as he opened his eyes and turned to face you with a hand going directly to lock the door behind him. ‘’..it was unlocked?’’ you asked, a little surprised honestly as he smirked and took a step towards you in which you offered a step back. ‘’as soon as he left, unless you thought trying the door would be to obvious?’’ he smirked, his hands placed behind his back as if he were observing an unearthly creature. Your eyes flashed him a glare and your posture offered a position where you would try to defend yourself if he tried anything. ‘’did you just come here to make me feel stupid or are you just going to kill me now?’’ you snapped. Loki’s expression softened as he cocked his head to the side in curiosity ‘’kill a fine creature like you? Now wouldn’t that be a great waste of flesh.’’ He chuckled and proceeded to move forward. Your eyes side eyed him as you backed away, your body somehow forgetting your combat skills as you pressed yourself up against the wall before he found himself standing before you. You flinched when he raised his hands but he didn’t hit you, but merely rested his hands against the wall on either side of you, making your blue orbs move to his own questionably. ‘’Afraid I will try to pull something... ungentlemanly? Scandalous perhaps?" he seemed to mock and you gave a slight glare. ‘’why else would you be in my personal space..’’ ‘’you’ve come onto my hideaway, this is all my personal space darling.’’ He smirked and used a finger under your chin to keep you looking at him when you began to look away. Somehow, his gaze seemed to almost make you weak in the knees but.. he didn’t need to know that. ‘’this is not your planet.’’ ‘’ah, so an ambassador i have here’’ he chuckled. ‘’what do you want?’’ you demanded. ‘’oh darling, you know what I want.’’ He smirked. ‘’don’t think I didn’t notice you hiding upon my first arrival to earth. What amazes me the most is how you apparently survived my mild purge. I take it you are grateful he managed to survive.’’ The last part was laced with annoyance in his voice but your look of surprise changed his features. ‘’oh, didn’t stick around long enough to find out? So eager to keep up with me?’’ he smirked and your eyes widened in denial and confusion with your body suddenly feeling small before him. ‘’you.. you knew I was following you?’’ ‘’for quite some time darling, I just thought you’d arrive aster than you had, but I suppose your attempts to blend in took some time before my men finally picked you out.’’ He chuckled. ‘’w-why did you let me follow you?..’’ His chin tilted up slightly with his eyes glued to yours, the silence getting thick as he contemplated a moment before he simply grinned. ‘’It gets awfully lonely in almost an eternity of seclusion.. and a ravishing creature such as yourself needs to be shown the correct way of how to serve and not for these weak mortals..’’ Your back couldn’t have sunk farther into the wall by his words, nor could your eyes have gotten any wider as you came to the realization of what he meant. ‘’..don’t think for one second that I’d ever-‘’ Your words turned into a yelp when he snatched your jaw in his hand and tilted your head up, looking over your face with a mild-serious expression as if inspecting something. Your hands gripped his wrist, a move foolish on your part where he then noticed your trembling and he merely chuckled, eyes softened. ‘’you are shaking way to early darling, but do not fear. Behave and I shall be gentle with you.’’ He said softly and his hand switched to your hair, making you wince and your hands moved to his wrist once more. Once the thought of kicking him struck your mind, he had already shoved you down onto your knees before him, causing you to yelp. ‘’ah ah ah darling, I wouldn’t dare if I were you or I’ll go back on my promise n being gentle. You wouldn’t want your precious comrades getting hurt either would you?’’ he smirked and you glared up at him when he released your hair. ‘’now darling, I will give you a choice. You do it or I will.’’ The last part was a warning tone, somehow making a threat sounding sexy as you glanced in front of you with something catching your eye. His growing erection. Your eyes flashed up at him as he took a seat behind him on the bed, manspreading as you began feeling your limbs ach and shake. Why the hell did you come here alone.. why the hell in another life perhaps you could see yourself wanting this.. why the hell.. ‘’.. I’d rather be mind controlled then do it willingly.’’ You snapped and he merely chuckled as if you told a joke. ‘’you clearly don’t care about the well being of your fellow comrades do you? You saw- what? Dozens out there all under my control and you are telling me you’d carelessly sacrifice all of them all because you don’t wish to take it upon yourself to pleasure your king?’’ ‘’your no kin-‘’ ‘’ill start with Baron first. And I’ll be sure you watch. Every single drop of blood fall as a make his suffering last.’’ Loki said casually, his voice a sigh as if he had no choice but to do the simple chore and that’s what made you stop him. Clearly he showed no emotion or care in killing others, even when he first arrived he didn’t even hesitate.. there was no bluff. He would do it. ignoring the sick feeling in your stomach, you avoided his gaze and eyed his groin, crawling over to him in which you saw his erection twitch by the mere act in doing so. Sitting on the back of your heels, you raised your shaky hands and moved them over his lap to try to find an opening, a zipper, something. You could practically feel him smirk as he made you feel like a fool and in one simple motion, he pulled himself out of his complicated Asgardian attire. By the gods it was huge.. you’ve seen many men before in your lifetime but him.. you truly knew now the difference between a man and a god. Giving a quick glance up at his eyes was a mistake as he gave you a smug and knowing look. Ignoring his cockiness, your eyes moved back to his.. well, more than ready cock as it glistened with slight precum. There was no way you thought you could take it all the way in your mouth but you’d worry about it later as you just told yourself it was all to protect your team. You had to practically use both our hands as you gripped him, feeling his body almost flinch as he sucked in a breath by your touch and you almost seemed to be filled with a sense of power. Despite your situation here, the fact that he was hard because of you, the fact that his breathing and body reacted because of you, it almost made you want to return the smugness back at him. With a good grip on him, you used your hands to stroke him up and down while you leaned more forward to his tip. Taking one last breath, you ran your tongue across the tip and felt him shudder. Keeping your eyes glued to what you were doing, you bent and ran your tongue up his shaft before taking him into your mouth. You took as much as you knew you could handle and your hands cared for the rest and by how much that was, your mouth couldn’t even take half of him. That thought didn’t seem to bother you as it didn’t bother him as you took a quick peak and he was taking deep breaths, his head tilted back with his eyes closed. In that moment, he was the most beautiful being you had even seen.. it almost gave you the main motivation to get you to keep going as you began using your hands to stroke him while your head began to slowly bob up and down. It was hard to concentrate on the positives of why you were doing this in the first place when, to your demies, felt a pool formulate between your legs that almost made you pause. Were.. were you wet? ‘’this is obviously not your first time darling..’’ Loki breathed as he stroked your hair and you almost wanted to hate him. why couldn’t you? You used your tongue to run against him and your throat on the other side of his cock to be what gripped him. most girls you figured spent most of their time trying to be impressive by taking it all in rather than focus on the mere focus of making it feel good. Your knowledge seemed to work on Loki at least as you could hear him let out a breathy moan. Beginning to pick up the pace, you bobbed your head a bit faster while also doing your best to suck on him more. You could feel his leg muscles tighten and you figured he was doing his best not to buck. Hoping what you were doing was just enough, you kept at it before you jumped at the feeling of his fingers in our hair. Starting to pull back a little, his fingers tightened to stop you and took the initiative by pushing your head down more before pulling it back up repeatedly. Trying not to resist so he could understand he didn’t need to force you, it didn’t seem to come across him. hat, or he didn’t care anymore as he began bucking his hips up now to match your throat. With him guiding your head with his fingers in your hair and his hips snapping up, the face now began making your eyes water and your gag reflex to begin to trigger. You remembered a small trick to prevent your gag reflex which was to squeeze your thumb down but his harsh movement canceled that trick out. Panic began filling your chest as you tapped and pushed against his thighs to try to free himself but that just seemed to make him down faster as his heavy breathing and moans filled your ears. The thought of choking to breath flashed in your mind and before you could feel like you’d die if he kept going longer, you felt his cock twitch in your throat and his thrusts slowed. Your eyes widened as your body tensed, feeling hot liquid shooting and running down your throat. Releasing a small whimper, Loki kept your head down and stilled his movement. ‘’you will take all of me little one’’ he growled and didn’t release you until you swallowed every drop. Once you had, he finally released your hair and you fell back onto your rump, taking in generous amounts of air as your hand held your sore throat. ‘’f-fuck you..’’ you croaked, rubbing your neck as your eyes timidly glanced at him and he chuckled, standing up where his hands moved to properly undo his pants. ‘’well what did you think was going to happen next..’’

[loverofstufflof]

Airing out my LMK trailer/S5 thoughts cause u gotta do this somehow

Most glaring, animation. It’s not bad, by any means. I’d certainly be proud of myself if I were able to come up with it.

However, I think it’s important to consider the context of the show’s style, and how it’s been improving significantly over instalments. Also, it’s Flying Bark. Flying Bark is just gonna make banger animation.

Am I a bit disappointed when comparing it to Emperor’s Wrath? Yeah. Especially when we’ve been waiting a full year for this—twice as long as usual.

But I’m not saying I won’t be watching the show because of it. I still love this story. Fuck, my favourite series is Epithet Erased. The show that’s best described as JPEGs wiggling around your screen for 2 hours. I can handle less than expected animation if it’s made up for by good writing.

I’ve been seeing a lot of people attacking invisible fans that claim they’re going to boycott the show because of this. Respectfully, source? The most aggressive criticism I’ve seen is “man that’s disappointing ig, still excited tho”. Who are you guys even fighting lmao. (Unless this is something happening on other platforms and you’re just venting on here which, valid)

Nevertheless, as I’ve said before, it’s not bad animation, just not up to the standard we’re used to. People are allowed to be disappointed. Let them be. This show isn’t flawless.

It’s looking to be real, all things considered. We’ve never gotten a fan leak this elaborate before, and it contains a lot of elements that were just recently revealed. Unless they’ve been getting announcements much earlier than we have (considering this fanbase’s sleuth skills, I’d doubt it) then there’s no other explanation other than it being official.

Official, however, doesn’t mean it’s guaranteed to look that way the whole time. The animation is being done by another studio, yes, but only partially. Flying Bark is still here for the fun. This other studio also isn’t incompetent, they’re behind things like Carmen Sandiego. They know what they’re doing.

They’re also primarily handling additional material, means promotions, meaning trailers. Listen, it’s a bit of a stretch considering the fact that all trailers so far have been taken directly from the show, but also it’s industry standard to make a trailer before you’re even done, meaning you gotta cut some corners for the scenes you’re showing until you polish them up in post.

We know LEGO has a habit of keeping LMK things in their vault until they need to, this may be something they had lying around from early prod and released to maintain hype.

Any which way, this development is very much temporary, only applying because the team is currently working on a movie and need to momentarily lessen their workload. Even if the odds are against us and S5 looks like a PowerPoint presentation, it’ll likely go back to normal later.

Biiig animation rant aside, I am a tad bit sad about the direction the story is going in (namely the abandonment of Red Son) and the fan service is a bit much, but honestly what else are we expecting from JTTW fanfic.

I’m stoked to see more Macaque though—he’s looking to be becoming a proper protagonist, which is great for angst! Yippee!

One thing I haven’t seen anyone talk about is the complete lack of Nüwa. You know, the character they’ve been teasing this whole time? Where is she? Not in the trailer. Not in the posters.

Makes me wondering if this is a part of the new season, teasing the next one, the one Nüwa’s in, later.

[winterrlunarhalo]

At a party with everyone I’ve ever known and I immediately know that this is a dream.

That’s easily remedied. I shake myself awake and try to throw myself off the drinks table. It hasn’t worked. Except I see a group of my friends (could I even call these people my friends anymore?) talking about how every three seconds a baby is born. My brain has gone into a whir of 1 2 3 born 1 2 3 born 1 2 3 born.

I walk around the room and try to rearrange groups. Now what would be the criteria? Do I group people on the basis of what age they knew me at? Do I group them on the basis of whether they know how I got the gash on my forehead? Or do I group them based on how I act around them? This is mortifying.

Once a month light refuses to pass through my body and I ignore all the messages I get. Right now we make eye contact across the room and you know so much about me and yet not enough. I thought being in your vicinity will make things so much easier but you are not who you usually are in my head. I remember telling her once about how I wrote something about being my own tragedy when I was 16 and we make eye contact and laugh because as corny as it was, it still holds true to this day to some extent.

We are standing at the corner of the room and you both are questioning everyone I know. A part of me is defensive but deep down I agree fully. See, most of my life I went through with the dire need of being liked, never questioning once whether I even liked. Instead I landed up with you both, who saw me at my worst and decided to stay and love the fuck out of me. I’m seeing the world in double now and the entire room is spinning and it feels like someone has set my brain on a spinning top and in one of the visions we are back in that kitchen and I’m heating up food made for one, for three.

Anyway back to the party, I am handing out vol-au-vents I learned how to make on a whim for a beach birthday, and some of these people desperately need to leave. The sun is almost up and I can feel my senses come alive. I don’t yet know what you look like but I am sure I will once I see you. I check your horoscope before mine because I’m just that pathetic and I know it doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things but hey, can’t hurt to be wary. You help me rush out the people I don’t want in here anymore, and it’s nice (and so scary) that you know me this well.

Now I’m at a party with the people I love and now I’m anxious for entirely different reasons. I don’t think there will ever be a way for me to let them know that I love them. My mouth aligns and curves to say I love them but it ends up coming out as a joke or a slight nudge against them. I also realized that I’m bad at writing for the people that mean the most to me, which is so …? Writing is the one thing I can do?

The sheer act of placing a piece of my heart that is you for you to peer over and finish with your cheeks turning into apples is so daunting to me. I still try. I still talk through most of it lest what I feel should bubble over and cover us both in it. Best believe my skin is going to be covered with laugh lines and crow’s feet in less than 20 years, a mark of fondness so unbearable that it left behind its stains. That doesn’t matter. None of this does.

Coming to terms with the fact that I have lived a life suffocating my lungs, barring it from truly breathing has occurred to me recently. At the first breath of oxygen my heart beat so loudly and fast that I was sure it was enough to power up my room. Consequently it learned that this is the way it’s going to be now, and that it doesn’t store up for the future. The sun is over the horizon and the sky is pink and there’s a nice hum settling into my bones as my spinning brain returns to equilibrium.

There’s music playing and I get pulled into all of us while dancing. Love was something that was supposed to happen to other people, according to a much younger me. I would meet her at a crossroad and tell her that love has happened to you and that its a joy to be “another person” and that it doesn’t have to be done alone.

It’s almost over. We will have to leave soon. And so we hold each other tightly and materialize us in pictures and frames and canvases as to say that I was here and you were here and please don’t forget that love was here. Love still is.

[thickness-protection-program]

Ok not technically a hoe story, more of a vent of frustration, just warning you.

There’s a guy in one of my classes (art school so we’re all insanely hot it’s an occupational hazard) who I think is really cute. And I’d had a handful of really sweet basic small talk conversations with him. so a couple months ago I asked him out and he was very polite in declining me, which was totally cool and I didn’t know him well so I was really unaffected by it honestly. HOWEVER. since then we’ve had like 40 romcom meet-cute moments and it’s not helping my silly little crush. Like just yesterday I was walking around a corner holding a heavy box and he came from the opposite direction and we bumped into each other. BUT AS WE COLLIDED HE REACHED OUT TOWARD THE BOX AND HELD MY HANDS TO HELP ME STEADY MYSELF SO I WOULDN’T DROP IT and then he smiled at me all dreamy-like and we both apologized and laughed and went on with our day AS IF WE AREN’T HAVING A ROMCOM MOMENT.

So I’m not gonna ask him out again, at least not for another year but like I need to know if he’s seeing these too. It’s like we’re paired together for critique, or we bump into each other, or we just happen work in the same studio at 3am and he asks for my input or to borrow masking tape.

AND IM POSITIVE IM READING TOO MUCH INTO THESE SMALL INTERACTIONS BUT ALSO I DO NOT HAVE THESE TYPES OF INTERACTIONS AS CONSISTENTLY WITH LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE.

Anyway I’m going cuckoo bonkers about it so

Oh noo would be a shame if you left your shoe in a place he frequents and he brought it back to you all charmingly 😳

[tsbs-darksun-confessions]

🌤️ Why hello there everyone, welcome 🌤️

Yes, I know it’s surprising to see me here, I wouldn’t have done this initially, but I saw both Nexus and Ruin laughing in their corners over this

Decided there was no harm in trying it myself

There’s one mod, their pronouns are he/they if you want to talk to him specifically, just ask for J

—

A few rules you should all know of:

1. I’m not above speaking out loud on what I believe, so share your thoughts with the knowledge that I may answer with my own (including removing anything I find unsavory enough)

2. Do not attempt to harass or name drop or even start hate campaigns, I won’t even bother to acknowledge you

3. Treat others as you want to be treated, don’t like? don’t look- simple really, keep scrolling or block me, I do not care

4. You’re more than welcome to talk about heavy/mature topics, I’ll be trying my best to tag them properly, any minors I find interacting with such posts will be blocked

5. Similar to point 4, you can talk about ship hate or vent out frustrations and such, filtering opinions would go against the principle of a confession blog (legit the only exceptions would be outright bigotry/racist/sexist/homophobic crap-)

—

Others like me, I suppose: Sun, Moon, Lunar, Earth, Solar, Eclipse, Nexus, Ruin, ….Hatsune Miku?, Flare, Puppet, Foxy, Fc, oh goodie Bloodmoon, The... unfortunate- servant version of myself Sirius, His lord Orion.

—

Tags:

#foolish rambles: your confessions

#my answers: my thoughts/answers

#that’s a thing?: ship talk

#children be gone: mature/18+ confessions/talks

#my optics are off: hate confessions/neg talk

#mod talks: answers/posts by the mod, J, and NOT me

[casperberkins]

Bookstore Girl

Contains: Alhaitham x GN!Reader, Reader likes Sumeru library, Hurt / Comfort, Alhaitham is a little ooc (I’m sorry), SFW, Fluff

You should totally listen to Bookstore Girl by Charlie Burg while reading this fic. I randomly stumbled upon this song in the process of writing and couldn’t help myself. This may or may not have become a vent towards the end but we don’t talk about that (˘ŏ_ŏ) Anyway, enjoy!

The Sumeru library was always a safe space for you, and after being plagued by anxiety, this situation was no exception. The first few times you visited the library, you had always seen a green and grey haired man perusing around, always looking for /something/. And sadly, today was no exception. Every time you visited the library, you noticed him. But you never knew /him/, or his name.

The Sumeru library had always been a safe haven for you and your thoughts. You were always tucked away in the darkest corner of the library, reading and studying for whatever life threw at you. Opening the large doors, you smiled. The library was always the same. Glancing around, you noticing something.. Different? A grey and green-haired man was seated in one of the isles of books, with a stack of literature at his side as he sifted through them methodically.

“That’s strange,” you thought, but kept it to yourself, hugging your books tighter to your chest before walking off to the corner of the library you called your safe space. You stay there for hours, looking through hundreds of books just for the hell of it. Then you noticed the man again. He was standing closer to you this time, and as if he sensed you staring at him, he looked up from his book just to look at you. You made eye-contact with him, noting his green eyes with striking red pupils before continuing to read.

At some point during your time, someone had left a book on your desk. You grabbed it carefully, looking it over before sifting through the pages gently. It was a beautiful book, with accented gold edges and worn but pleasing pages. You stirred for a moment, quickly gazing around the library to find whoever left this for you. Then the man caught your eye. He was walking out the door to the library, but not before peeking over his shoulder just to see if you received the book he had left or not.

You smiled, holding the book tightly in your grasp like it was your most prized possession.

—

You glanced around the library nervously, quickly and quietly walking towards the closest desk and seating yourself. Your leg shook anxiously. School was stressing you out, and attending the Akademiya didn’t make anything better. While most of the time you could handle the workload, this time was different. Multiple professors had assigned five different projects in the same month. You felt tears collecting in the inner-corners of your eyes as you bundled your head in your hands.

You dropped the books you had been holding onto the desk, a loud crash echoing through the empty library. No one was ever in the library at this time, and even if there were people in the library, you didn’t care. You didn’t care if anyone saw you breaking down.

You tried to pick up a pencil to start writing, but your hands were shaking too badly for you to even start writing. This made you sob even more. “Why can’t I get anything right..” you cried, your voice breaking and quiet. Your breath quickened, your lungs tightening with every breath as it felt like the world was about to cave in. That’s because the world /was/ going to cave in.

“Are you.. Are you alright?” A pair of green eyes glanced down at you, a warm hand being placed on your shoulder as he spoke.

You tried to hiccup a response, but all you seemed to get out was a broken “Yes”, to which the man did, in fact, not believe. He gave you a pitiful look before pulling up a chair and seating himself next to you. The grey and green-haired man opened his book and began reading, glancing up every few heartbeats to make sure your breathing was slowing and returning to the correct pace.

Despite all your previous worries, the presence of someone else kept you at peace. You wiped your damp eyes, staring down at your feet as you sniffled quietly. You looked over at the man, who was still reading quietly, very obviously integrated into his book. He stared up at you, titling his head in a silent question of, “Are you ok now?”

You nodded, sniffling before wiping your nose on your sleeve. He closed his book, blinking at you with a softened expression as he walked off to check out his book. You smiled gently at him, glancing over at your work. While you were still shaken up, you seemed to be able to finish the work, your breath faltering every few seconds when you remembered the workload, but once your thoughts returned back to that man, you felt at peace.

With your work finished and your mood returning back to normal, you packed up all your work, looking up from your papers to notice a book. You smiled gratefully, thanking the green and grey-haired man in your head for the book before quickly picking it up and walking out of the library.

—

Day after day, visit after visit, you /always/ saw him. He was /always/ there. After the incident with you, it was like he was there every time you were there. You were looking for a book? He stayed a few rows behind you, searching for a book on the regions of Teyvat. You were reading in your corner? He was sitting almost right next to you, remaining completely silent, save for the few glances he spared you every few minutes.

He was one of the most quiet people you had ever met. It was almost endearing how soft and delicate he was with every book he touched, handling the pages with care and cursing anyone who had damaged or even bent a page of a book.

You honestly found it cute how much of a bookworm he was, and yet, you didn’t even know his name. You could’ve asked around for his name — the librarian probably would’ve known —, but you wanted to get to know him /personally/.

Sometimes you thought he forgot about you — maybe you were just a phase he grew out of —, until you noticed a book on your desk. You blinked the drowsiness out of your eyes, examining the book with utter precision, a mirthful grin on your face. He always gave you good books. And they weren’t just /good/; they were great. They were in good condition but their /plot/? He had good taste, but you’d never admit it.

You shuffled your way out of the library, giving him a wave on the way out. He smiled at you softly, the corners of his lips quirking slightly. How could a man you’d only known for about a week — give or take — make you /so/ happy? And how could someone so quiet give you so much comfort?

—

It was kinda funny, this cycle you and this man had. Throughout the following months leading up to December, the grey and green-haired man left you books. Every time you left the library, you left with a book clutched in your hands, a saccharine smile on your face. He always left you little notes in the books, the contents of the notes always being random. Either it was something about his work, or it was about what the book contained. Either way, you were happy and pleased with his choices in literature.

And you even left him books. While your handwriting wasn’t as perfect or pretty as his, you always made sure to pick out the best books you could find. Your notes were always pleasant, containing notes on the book and notes on your life, but uniquely, never your name. Your names’ seemed to be the only thing separating your interactions with the grey and green-haired man from making you two friends.

You didn’t know his name, and he didn’t know yours. It was as simple as that. And he constantly was in a hurry. Whenever you tried to talk to him, he’d just run off, claiming to be busy or just mumbling a half-hearted apology. It made you a little upset. But the look of happiness that he hid to himself whenever he saw you was confirmation enough that you two were something close to friends.

In December, as the snow fell and you hugged your jacket closer to your body, you opened the giant doors to the library and was greeted by a great surprise.

“Salutations,” the grey and green-haired man murmured gently, a neatly wrapped box in his hands. He looked down at you expectantly, tilting his head curiously.

“Hello,” you breathed, smiling. Everything around you fell away, and the only thing you could focus on was /him/. “How have you been?”

“I.. I have been..” He blinked slowly, as if in deep thought, “I’ve been holding up well, but I’m better now,” the man smiled gently at you. “How have you been fairing this winter?”

“I’ve been good,” you beamed, almost bouncing. “I.. I never caught your name,” you said slowly, a perplexed expression on your face.

“Alhaitham,” he said slowly, as if counting out the syllables in his head, “and what about you?”

“Ah, so /you’re/ the one that lies about being a feeble scholar,” you teased, leaning forward towards him.

“I /am/ a feeble scholar,” he replied gently.

“I’m [Name].”

“Ah, so I did get your name right on your present..” Alhaitham said absently, handing the wrapped box to you slowly. On the top of the lid of the box was a card neatly placed in its envelope with [Name] — in his neat as fuck handwriting — on the back of the envelope.

Your mouth opened in silent confusion. “Did I spell your name right?” He inquired, grabbing at the back of his hair nervously.

“Y- Yes, but.. But how-"

“I have my ways,” he smiled at you as he walked past you, placing his hand on the door’s wooden frame. “I hope I see you again, [Name].”

“I.. I hope I see you again, too, Alhaitham.” Your voice was so quiet, a mere whisper over the soft sound of boots walking across snow.

—

Every time you saw him after that, a sort of comfort filled your chest. You learned about him, and in return, he learned about you. He still gave you books every time he saw you, and you joked that you’d have a full library by the end of this affair. His smile soured into a frown when you said the word “end”.

Gently pushing open the door to the library, you were greeted by Alhaitham. “[Name], hello.” He said softly, the sound of his gentle footsteps reverberating off the walls surrounding you.

“You never cease to make a flashy entrance, huh?” You teased, hitting his arm as you walked past him, slipping into the chair of your favorite desk in the corner of the library.

He quickly followed after you, a gentle smile on his face. Alhaitham sat in the seat beside you, looking curiously at the book you were reading. “It’s..” he paused, blinking slowly and narrowing his eyes.

“One of your books? Yes, yes it is. I must say, for a feeble scholar, you have quite the good taste in books,” you held the book between your fingers, holding it out for him to look at. He took it with a grin, skimming the pages with a delicateness you doubted he could show to a human being. It made your ribs twinge with sadness thinking about how he might not feel the same. Unrequited love was terrifying.

And even if you were terrified of unrequited love, you were even more terrified of losing /him/. Alhaitham was one of the only people who would actually listen to you without judgment, and even if he did have judgment, he withheld it. Everything about him made you happy, whether it be his calm demeanor, to his odd hair and eyes. Your heart ached to feel something, anything, close to reciprocated love. But then your heart shattered at the thought of it being with /Alhaitham/. Because he would /never/ share the same feelings you felt for him.

“You.. You decorated the inside, didn’t you?” He inquired in an airy tone, green and red eyes searching for the drawings you had made in the book.

You looked taken aback. You didn’t think he’d notice. But, of course, that was another one of his traits. Noticing things the outside world perceived as useless. “I did,” you confirmed, fluttering through the pages as you found the drawing you were looking for. “It’s one of you,” you said quietly, lowering your head. “I- I was bored, and—”

“It’s beautiful.” He said, admiring the work of art strewn across the margins of the book. While the artwork covered some of the words, he seemed to ignore that fact, his eyes analyzing every color and detail on the page as if he was reading a scene from his favorite book. Memorizing the piece so he could keep it in his memories forever. “I.. I can’t believe you did this for me..”

“Of course I did,” you replied, your fingertips airily tapping across the page. “I.. I like drawing pretty things,” you continued, averting your gaze as your face turned a bit pink.

“Then should I draw you?” Alhaitham said slowly, gazing up from the page to look directly into your eyes.

Your eyes widened as you gasped. You were taken aback by his comment, attempting to gain composure before your mind replayed the moment over and over.

“I..”

“I love you, [Name].. I’m sorry if I’m not able to show it..” He trailed off, glancing across the library with a solemn look. “I’m sorry I can’t be the significant other you want me to be.”

“But you’re already perfect, Haitham.” You replied quickly, the words spilling out of your mouth before you could stop them. “I- I mean—”

“If I’m perfect, then what are you?” He chuckled, pulling you closer to him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Alhaitham.”

[sierracolorstheworldofwords]

The lonely king: Chapter five

You yawned for a third time in a row, much to his chagrin. Leaning against the doorframe of an old guest room, he watched you scrub the floor. You always did the floor last, just like you always opened the windows to air the room first. 

“I would like to ask you something,” he said. 

You looked up, “Yes, your majesty?” 

“Will you stay with me? You are a wonderful maid! I will pay you well, and you’ll have your own room within the castle.” 

Your eyes widened as you stopped scrubbing. He looked at your hands and frowned. You always got messy, but surely, this is what you wanted, isn’t it? 

“Well?” he asked, “What’s your answer?” 

“I– well.. There’s a catch, isn’t there? There always is, in stories.” 

He rolled his eyes when you dipped your brush into the bucket again, returning to your work. 

“That’s not an answer!” he stomped his foot, and then stomped to the window and flopped down onto the sill, “Why are you cleaning this room, anyway? It’s old and dusty!” 

You rolled your eyes, “You’re going to have guests, remember?” 

“I will?” 

“Yes!” 

You sent him that majestic glare again, before reaching into your pocket and pulling out a small book. You flipped through it, and revealed a decorated calendar for the month. His lips quivered as he took in the winter themed stickers. Was it strange that he adored your writing? You pointed to a section circled in red. 

“Two kinds are coming to talk to you about trade agreements tomorrow! Honestly! I’m not always going to be here to keep track of this for you, your majesty! I have so much to do, and then after this, I have a closing shift! I never get a day off!” 

You threw the notebook on the floor and glared at it. Then, you picked it up and stuffed it back into your pocket. He rested his chin in his hands as he watched you. 

“I have so much to do before I leave! I have to clean this floor and clean the chicken coup and the throne room, then the kitchen and the bathrooms and–” He tilted his head, watching you. 

Your heart raced. There was so much to do. Messes at home, piled in the corners and dishes that lingered in the sink. Dried up food and plants that needed watering, credit card bills that needed paying. 

At your other job? 

God, your other job. 

The one where no one stocked anything and customers always complained. No one cleaned their messes and everyone talked shit about each other. It was like roller skating on ice with shaking knees as you asked yourself, did I just hear a crack?

The worst part? 

You didn’t have anyone to complain to. Which sounded silly and even ungrateful, but you couldn’t help it. If you hadn’t been born they way you were, or if you just sucked up the abuse, then you could go home and vent to your parents. Even if they’d tell you that you were lucky. Even if you didn’t feel lucky. 

The Goblin King squatted down next to you, “Are you alright?” 

Did he ask that, or were you going crazy? You didn’t hear him right– he never asked questions like those, and for some reason, it was getting really hard to breathe. For some reason, your stomach clenched. This was it. This was your life– two dead end jobs that led to nowhere and an existence where nothing mattered. No one was going to help you, not your parents, not your coworkers, and certainly not the Goblin King! 

With that, you blinked away the tears. 

“Human?” he asked. 

“Yes, your highness?” 

 “Stop scrubbing!”

You shook your head and went back to scrubbing the floor, wishing you had something stronger than soap. 

“I demand you to stop foolishly scrubbing that floor! Whatever that is won't come off, you know. It looks like someone spilled wine there and let it dry.” 

You cut him a look and sniffed. You then moved onto another section of the floor. You didn't have time for tricks. 

He growled, “Must I repeat myself?”

You wiped your eyes and continued your work. 

“You're being very rude!” 

You turned to him, “I'm multitasking, your majesty.”

“You should accept my offer! I know you heard me!” 

“To stay here and work for you forever?” 

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing!” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“Human.”

“Yes, sire?”

“Is it so bad to stay here?”

His voice sounded so small. So fragile. You sighed. Would it be so bad? There was enough to keep you busy, day by day, but that was the problem. There was nothing to look forward to except the expanse of eternity. You saw it, in your mind’s eye, stretching on and on, morphing from a black road into a starless sky. 

“I wouldn’t say that, your majesty, but I doubt you’d truly want me to stay. I’m a lot to handle. I also already have goals that I want to achieve, and being in your permanent hire would only interfere with them.”

“I'm sure I could give you what you seek!” 

The house you dreamed of crumbled away, and fell into a dark, churning sea. 

“Not all the things I seek can be given, your majesty.”

He made a noise. 

“And while I appreciated the offer, I cannot accept it, not because you're not being generous, but–” 

“Quiet!”

“Yes, your highness,” you whispered. 

“To think! I offer you a life better than the squalor you live in! To think, I use my precious time in order to speak to you! And you, a mere human, have the gall to spit in my face with excuses?” 

You hunched your shoulders and bit your lip, holding your hands within your lap. 

“What are you? A mere pathetic, horrid little thing? How dare you reject my kindness? How dare you–” he stopped, glaring down at you, before he noticed you rubbing your eyes. “I–” now, he froze too, shoulders shaking, “Oh, you horrid little creature! Don't cry!”

You looked up at him, and your lip warbled as you stumbled on what to say, but before you could murmur a word, he stomped out of the room, and slammed the door behind him.

The day passed in an anxious haze. You left notes on his majesty’s desk, so he wouldn’t screw up, and you had the kitchen staff prepare ingredients for the next day’s guests, along with double cleaning whatever you could. 

Then, finally, you came to the last hour. Usually, the last room you cleaned was the throneroom. Should you clean the throne room? 

You couldn’t leave a job undone. 

With that, you grabbed your supplies and made your way there. 

Only to find the Goblin King sitting on his throne. You gulped. 

His stark eyes met yours and froze you to the spot. His hand tapped against his thigh and his leg bounced as he stared at you.

 It'd taken everything for you to not cry earlier. It’d taken everything for you to not cry throughout the day. You knew his type well– too prideful to apologize. 

 You turned away, put down the cleaning supplies and started to sweep. Why was he watching you? Were you finally in danger? His majesty could be as cruel as he could be kind, just as all the Folk could, but then again, you lived in a world where if you walked down the street holding hands with someone of the same gender, you could be killed for it. 

So it couldn’t hurt to risk it, could it? Your life? 

“....I should not have yelled at you,” he said.

You stopped.

He clenched his jaw and averted his gaze as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Don't feel too bad about it, your highness. You're not the first to have yelled at me.” 

He frowned and crossed his arms, “That does not make it right. I– I made you cry.”

“Plenty of people have done that.” you gripped the broom tighter, shrugging it off, “Especially my parents.” 

The words just slipped out, like an eel dashing across your tongue, and you frowned. You laughed bitterly.

“So I'm not as sensitive as a goblin, so I handle it, you know. It was a nice offer, and–” 

“I made you cry,” he said again, his voice soft, yet commanding, “And you want to make excuses for it?” 

You couldn't help but stare at him. His majesty was a confusing creature– both a coddled little boy and a grown man. His subjects loved him dearly, yet he always seemed to be preoccupied with finding something else, with wanting more. Did he know what you’d give for a speck of the love he was so ungrateful for? Did he know what you’d do for the guaranteed safety he took for granted? Yet, you weren’t a king, you were human. You’d have to carve your life yourself, even if you ended up scarred and calloused hands. 

“It's alright, your highness. I wasn't cordial enough regarding your offer, because it's a very generous one, but you don't need to worry about me.” 

You stopped, biting your lip. The folk were tricky, and that book of fairytales didn't exactly help you, but you knew how to be careful. How to say the right words.

“I appreciate your offer, but I'll have to decline. I fear that if I were to accept it, the goblins would be upset.”

He scowled, “I'd command them not to be!”

“And, furthermore, I fear that you'd grow bored of me. I'm not very entertaining.”

“And the goblins are?”

“Plus, I would be a financial strain– humans need constant food, water and shelter. That's disregarding medical emergencies. I doubt a goblin could be a doctor.”

He sucked his teeth and sighed, before lighting up.

“Don't you want gifts? Whatever you desire?”

“What I desire cannot be given, your highness, and I hate to be rude, but I have to clean the throne room before I go.”

He groaned, “You should stay with me!”

“I'm not a goblin, sire. I'm human, and I won’t last. I doubt you'd want to deal with a funeral, would you?”

“Well, no, but–”

“Exactly. Humans are a lot of work, sir.”

Jareth didn't have anything to say to that. Though, he couldn't help but glower at you as you smiled and began to sweep once more. 

He wasn't giving up that easily. 

You lay on the floor very dramatically. Your hair splayed out behind you and your arms rested on your stomach as you closed your eyes. He peered down at you, waiting. 

Whatever was the matter? 

Surely, it was because you rejected his offer yesterday. Well, he'd ask again. Especially because you looked as if you were dying. 

“Will you stay with me?”

You gave no reply. Instead, you opened your eyes and looked at him with a gaze that made his heart squeeze. Then, finally, like a miracle, you groaned. 

“Oh! You're alive!” 

You groaned again.

“You are!” He cried jubilee, circling you, “Now! You can get back to work, or better yet, say yes!” 

Once more, that glare froze him in place. Held him captive. What was he to do, with that gaze? 

“Don't glare at me!”

In response, you stuck out your tongue and crossed your arms. He gasped.

“You horrid little creature!” he cried, “sticking your tongue out at me! How could you?” 

You scowled– oh, he adored that! 

“You can be..” you started, lips forming into a tight line, “You can be such a meanie!” 

He laughed loudly, “Meanie?!”

“You're so mean!”

“Mean?”

“Mean!”

He threw back his head, cackling even more. See? You always surprised him, clever thing! Even if he was still miffed, he couldn’t help it as he wiped away an imaginary tear. 

“Are you done insulting me?” he asked softly, looking down at you with a sort of strange smile, “Or, are you going to accept my offer? There is a solution to your mortality, love.”

You stayed silent. He clucked his tongue before kneeling down to pinch your cheek. Your gaze turned towards him, and his heart pinched as he noticed the bags beneath your eyes. 

“You know,” you said, “I think you should ask me what the matter is first.” 

He raised a brow at that, tilting his head, before deciding to indulge you, “Whatever is the matter?” 

You shrugged, “I know I shouldn't tell you this, but I'm exhausted.”

“I could tell.”

You cut him a look. 

He smiled and remained silent, even if his heart pounded within his chest. 

“I doubt you'd understand,” you murmured.

“I could try,” he replied, sitting on his knees next to you. 

For some silly reason, his cheeks flushed even more. Perhaps, because you looked as if you couldn't believe he'd want to listen. Under other circumstances he wouldn't have afforded a mere human such a luxury, but how could he not return the kindness you always gave so freely? 

Always listening, always offering advice, conversation.. 

Why wouldn’t you just stay? Just stay here, with him, forever! Be here, and wear pretty things within a gilded cage and always listen! Wasn’t that better than that godforsaken place you called home?

“Work has been stressful, nobody really helps me. And.. my rent went up again, along with everything else.”

“Stay with me, then!”

“Your majesty–”

“You'd have a job! That's what you want, isn't it?”

You looked at him and frowned. How could a creature like him, who didn't have to cower within the shadows understand what you wanted? How could a creature covered head to toe in magic ever understand your want for mundanity? It would be nice to have a partner, and to just wake up to the sound of breakfast. The both of you would have nice jobs, and live in a nice house! 

You’d grow old together, and one day, die together. 

His majesty would never understand that. To him, it was all a game. There were winners, losers and people weren’t people, but pawns. You'd seen how he could be whenever there was a runner within his labyrinth, yet he never seemed to turn those cruelties to you. 

So, what did that mean? Why were you complaining to him now? 

Probably because of the other day, when he gave you that kind, compassionate look that made your insides melt like butter. In all your life, no one had ever looked at you like that. No one. 

“Well?” he persisted, “Isn’t it.” 

“No.”

“No?”

“I want a life!” you whispered, “A house where i don't have to worry about my rent going up every month or my landlord deciding to randomly kick me out! A life where I can afford a car and not have to take the damn bus everyday! Where I can buy nice groceries instead of cheap junk!”

“Why on earth would you want all of that?”

“I knew you wouldn't understand.”

“I can get you whatever you want! Your own house, and you wouldn't need one of those metal carriages! I could take you anywhere you want to go! I am a very powerful creature, mortal. You mustn't forget that.” 

You knew a threat when it was presented to you. You also weren’t a fool. You'd read enough stories to know that the folk were not to be messed with. You had to be gentle in this rejection.

“Your majesty, why do you want me to stay?”

He glanced down at you, and his gaze reminded you of a judgemental cat on a high perch. 

“Well, why wouldn't I want you to stay?”

You fiddled with your hands and looked down at your bitten, skin-picked nails. It was hard not to pick. It felt soothing, in a way. You fingered your hair and noticed the frizz.

“I'm not the prettiest, your majesty, and I know you'd get tired of looking at me pretty quickly. That's why it'd be better to keep me as a temporary employee.” 

“That's silly! You're under my permanent hire! Furthermore, I'm a wonderful boss. Watch. I demand you go home and take the day's payment!” 

“What? Your Majesty, I can't do–”

“Yes. You can. Consider.. why, consider it a gift, from yours truly!”

He shoved a bagful of jewels into your arms. You gave him an exasperated look, before plopping the pile back into his arms.

“It's rude to deny a gift–”

“But this isn't a gift. You said I could consider it one, but I don't, because this is supposed to be my payment for thirteen hours of work. So thus, I cannot take it.” 

“So I ought to pay you more for your work! What an astute observation!” he leaned over and pinched your cheek, before finally stuffing your arms with more treasure.

“Your Majesty–!”

With the snap of his fingers, he summoned a familiar clock and spun a finger in the air. The hand on the clock began to spin, before a gong rang. It landed upon the thirteenth hour, and when it did, he smiled.

“There. Now it's been a full day. You are free to leave, and here–” more things appeared from the air, and he added it to your pile with a smirk, “For your hard work.” 

You crossed your arms, eyeing the pile warily, “What's the catch?”

“Catch?”

“Gifts come with conditions, don't they?”

“So do rewards, but those aren't obvious, are they?”

You bit your lip. Your stomach grumbled. You hadn't been able to buy groceries. Saving for a house and all the responsibilities that came with it was nearly impossible, but it had to be worth it.

It had to.

You’d move to a place that was more accepting. You’d live in a nice neighborhood in an old house with a circle window in the attic and French windows in the front. You’d have an English garden in the yard, and grow your own lavender and vegetables. If you closed your eyes, you could see it– the bright sun shining on the leaves of the trees, rippling on the pond filled with ducks and koi fish. Lily pads floated on its surface, and ducktails gathered around the edges. Within your home, there’d be no yelling. Within your home, there’d be no horror. A goldfish would swim in a tank, and there’d be a library, filled with your favorite books, and on Sundays, you’d go to the park and chat with friends. 

You could feel it, that life, brimming against your fingertips. 

You made your choices. You avoided the cliches–  never eating or drinking  anything offered, never saying thank you. Never accepting gifts. 

Was this a gift? 

You stared at the Goblin King, at his lithe and long features, at the fingers that were too long to be human, and the ears that peeked from his long, blond mane. Today, he wore a shirt made from strands of silver, with black boots encrusted with diamonds to match. From head to toe, he glittered like a star, even his gloves were bedazzled. 

He’d never known of work till his hands went numb. None of the folk did. 

“Come now,” he cooed, “what have you got to lose, taking this?”

“Can you guarantee that there will be no negative consequences to accepting this?”

“You did it the other day, didn’t you?” 

“That was a fair exchange.” His eyes flickered with an obscene glow as he leaned over you, “Was it?” 

“Yes, because while you only hired me to clean around the castle, I managed the goblins and got them to ensure that your trade negotiation went well. Along with leaving a list of talking points. It wasn’t the first time I’d done that, either. So, I think I ought to consider this a long overdue raise, and that you should guarantee that there will be no negative consequences in accepting it, especially if you want me to keep working here. Which, I think you do, don’t you?” 

You flashed him a smile, and oddly enough, his cheeks turned into a shade of bright pink. It was cute. In another life, he would’ve been your type. 

“Fine! I guarantee that there will be no negative consequences to accepting this gift!”

“I will accept this raise, your majesty, and I’m more than grateful for it.” 

With that, you bowed and ran off before you could change your mind.

The Goblin King couldn't help but watch you. 

Really, what else was he supposed to do? He was being patient! Even if it was hard! 

How many times had he asked you, anyway? Two! Well,  he'd ask again. 

You couldn't reject him a third time– especially when you were covered in dirt from rooting around in the garden. You turned towards him, and a wind came through, blowing your hair. The sun shone, and caught it, casting a halo around you. You were the most beautiful thing in that garden, even if your cheeks were smudged with dirt and your clothes covered in it. 

He scowled as you gave him a little wave. His scowl worsened when you turned to a goblin, talking to the little creature as if it were nothing. 

You even gave it a little pat on the head before returning to your work. He, of course, continued to stare. Until you turned back to stare at him.

He'd give you one more chance to accept his offer. 

Then, of course, he’d resort to other means. 

[hikikomoriaesthetic]

˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ tw ; just venting,, been awhile.

i am so tired. i cannot sleep enough to get rid of this feeling. i am just stuck with the utter realisation that i am so horribly alone. everyone leaves me or just looks past me like i’m a ghost, it’s always been that way and i am terrified the person i have a crush on thinks that way too.

i can’t take it. you want to abandon me too don’t you? it’s okay i won’t hate you for it. i abandoned myself years ago too. this is probably my curse that god gave me for giving up before i was 14.

perhaps i’ll start dissociating everything severely like i used to. not being in reality sounds ideal. i don’t know what i’m doing with my life. i don’t even think i’m enough for them. i can’t even get a house for us or book myself a plane ticket to them.

i think this is my hell, i deserve this. i will just sit here and wait until the day they give up on me. they are the only person who seems to genuinely care or understand me, i’m not precious or special to anybody else.

am i enough? what if the find someone better? what if they are already talking to somebody else? do they have friends? i wonder if they compare me to somebody else. i have never been anybody’s favourite. not the favourite child, friend, sibling, student.

i don’t think i was meant to be loved. everyone always finds somebody better and i am left standing in the same dark corner trying to hug myself to try and soothe the ache and give myself a hug.

i wish to go to sleep. nobody would miss me. but i’m not abandoning them. not until they give up on me. please don’t let any of their words ever have been a lie. i won’t be able to take it. let me just become delusional with my ai characters i talk to. i wish i was code.

[diodykus]

this is an analysis on how i’m specifically perceived in the spaces i’ve occupied/communities i’ve been apart of in the past year. can come off as a vent, but it’s more of me just looking at gender in queer and non-queer spaces.

i have admired butch/transmasc lesbians for YEARS. i’ve always had the deep rooted admiration and jealousy for anyone who had the guts to authentically be themselves. i have been used to being perceived in a similar way, and treated by others as the sort of chivalrous figure. but no one really saw me as masculine enough for those labels, primarily because i just didn’t feel like exploring expression beyond outlandish, haute contoure-but-diy type of fashion.

after a brief episode of mental illness… i started to finally embrace more masculine fashion, butch history, and what it meant to be butch. won’t lie, it’s also primarily because i had a brief relationship with a butch on T who also was confused surrounding gender and lesbianism. i wanted to help him and kind of opened up my own box. thank you cowbutch.

that being said, some of my stylistic choices don’t fit the stereotypical leather butch (hit me up). i don’t like incredibly short hair on myself, i prefer the mullet-type style. i’m not physically strong, i suck at fixing physical shit. i’m awkward, not tough.

because i don’t fit this stereotype, a lot of my (primarily cis) lesbian friends i’ve known for a while don’t call me butch. they call me transmasc, they call me lesbian, but they don’t understand how i fit as a butch. i’ve tried to explain to them that it’s a lifestyle, a code, a gender expression… yet they just kind of look at my short stature and go “okay”.

yet, it only seems to be cis lesbians who can’t quite comprehend me as a butch. the only ones who it automatically clicks for would be my femme counterparts, and they’re typically the only ones who understand in a certain way. the butches that i know irl… we don’t talk about identity and gender together because they’re just as unsure as i (in public spaces).

outside of dykes, everyone else appears to see me in terms of competition to men. my gay friends will put me in made-up situations where they have to choose between me and a man, and the man always comes out on top. my bisexual friends will point out a guy they find attractive and compare me to them, but then go and make out with him in a corner. i don’t quite understand the motive behind these, but i doubt they are done in an intentionally harmful way. i don’t want to be in the same ring as a man, i’m a dyke interested in other dykes.

the benefit for the above would be that they recognize my identity as transmasculine, they recognize me as a butch. it’s not very hard to do given how i dress, look, and act. it just appears to be easier for anyone that is not a cisgender lesbian to recognize. which i find odd, and i am assuming it has something to do with androgyny in lesbian communities.

in non-LGBTQ+ atmospheres, it is even stranger. i’m not, by a patriarchal cishet normative standard, attractive. they see me as an ugly tomboy. i’m friendly, so they’ll be friendly back. straight women put me in the same category as men yet again, so i cannot connect with them or even befriend them. straight men see me as someone they can’t fuck, so they avoid me.

i’ve always been used to being treated like a man, but yet it sucks that other dykes can’t recognize the masculinity in me.